Tonight’s Bisexual Thoughts: 07 January 23, 0025 hours

Growing up and into bisexuality, there were so many of us who were just fine to be able to screw each other’s brains out and/or to suck loads of cum out of each other’s balls. From friend to really good friend, it was fun, had meaning as it often spoke to how good the friendship was and, well, you had… feelings for the guy or guys but would fall way short of being an admission of love and even shorter of declaring that you were in a relationship and like so many of us were trying to establish with girls and exactly what we were told to do.

We would learn about gay dudes who were looking for a boyfriend and the kind of guy who liked to do all that kissing and cuddling and hand-holding stuff that we had to do with girls and whether we actually wanted to do these things or not but we also learned that if we did, that increased our chances of being able to get her naked and have sex with her. Sometimes. Girls are so fickle. It wasn’t unusual for us to have our favorite guy or guys to have sex with as well as to just hang out and get into other kinds of trouble. Having things in common like sports, playing board games, stuff like that were good things to have with a guy that, if sex wasn’t already in play, could lend itself to sex happening. Sometimes. Maybe if he wasn’t too scared.

We learned the differences between a boy who was a friend and a boyfriend and just as we learned about a girl who was a friend and a girlfriend. While it was often possible to have sex with a boy-friend – and the hyphen here indicates the difference from a boyfriend, it wouldn’t be until I got a lot older before I’d finally realize that friendship is a form of a relationship – just not a romantic one but it could turn into one under certain conditions and circumstances. Guys you were really close with would often say that they “love you like a brother” and I would think that putting it this way was a lot more… comfortable since, yes, you guessed it, guys aren’t supposed to feel love for each other unless they were gay and I would often be… tickled to see how many ways we can slice and dice love to, I guess, better fit the way we felt about someone from family to friends to actually being in a relationship with someone.

Let’s see… how many times have I had sex with a guy and have heard him blurt out that he loves me? Wait, what? You what? I mean, sure, I like you and all that, but love’s a pretty strong word and I would find myself reciting something a lot of girls would tell me when I’d blurt out how I felt about them before, during, or after sex: “No, you don’t – you just really like the way we had sex feels to you!” Yeah, talk about getting your heart crushed but, well, girls. You tell a girl that you love her and you’d better be ready to prove it without a shadow of a doubt and you weren’t getting a peek at her pussy until you did. Unless she didn’t believe a word you said but she was horny and you’re available and she does kinda/sorta like you. Maybe. You just never really knew with girls but there was one constant given:

Boys do not fall in love with each other and they don’t become boyfriends or boyfriend and “girlfriend” and depending on how gay things were with a guy and, no, the sexuality of the participants do not ever define their sexuality but let’s face it: You see two guys being all cozy with each other, you know that this is a known homosexual behavior and “that means” both guys are gay. The “bromance” isn’t something new, either, and I knew guys who were like an old married couple with each other and you’d see them together and you just knew they were having sex… and they probably weren’t. Some guys, including yours truly, would and could get razzed for having a boyfriend or being a guy’s boyfriend and all because of the closeness of the friendship and not unlike how people thought that me and my first cousin were brothers because if you saw one of us, the other was close-by and we have the same last name.

But even in such a close friendship, we might not have “been in love” with each other but if we were having sex, far out, man! Which just made us like each other even more, of course, but fell way short of declarations of real love and romantic relationships… but how you really felt about each other could be a totally different thing that is best left unsaid unless you want to get the gay label slapped on you. It wouldn’t be until I really did fall in love with a guy, and we were in a relationship that I realized and understood that there were guys I had as friends and… I loved them whether we were having sex or not. I also understood that love… doesn’t much care if you’re both guys or not and that biochemical process that takes place when we’re in love also doesn’t care about the sex of the person who activates it… but social norms and morality does care and as we all know.

Then the world learned that bisexuality is real. Then reactions all over the world were coming from people who were saying that they couldn’t be bisexual because they couldn’t be in a same-sex relationship and there was a long moment where a lot of people were saying that if you weren’t or couldn’t be in a same-sex relationship, then there’s no way you can really be bisexual. Even today, there’s still that push to equate bisexuality with romantic, relational intent and I’ll admit that it took me a few to recognize the push to shove bisexuality into the heteronormative way of things that we all are supposed to adhere to including no sex before marriage or, at the least, being in a very committed relationship. I gave myself the “duh slap” because what I was hearing went right along with something I had read years ago in that the only allowable sex is relationship sex… and just as the bible says even if in a rather “backhanded” and verbally confusing kind of way.

A Friend With Benefits is a relationship – it’s just one that lacks the responsibilities of a real relationship but usually has all of the perks, aka, sex. Other terms were, for guys, a flavor of buddy: Suck, fuck, jerk-off or all of the above. We don’t have to be “boyfriends” and like gays dudes are, can, and want to be… but there’s no qualms about the two of us getting our dicks out and using them on each other and in whatever ways we want to and if no one is the wiser about this part, that works. And, I would opine at times, there’s that… underlying part of our social conditioning that kinda/sorta says that if you really like someone, it’s kinda/sorta okay to have sex with them or, as I was specifically told, “Do not ever have sex with someone you don’t love or otherwise care for.” It is to note that neither of my parents specifically mentioned girls as this main and only focus but it was strongly pounded into my head that boys only had sex with girls – but don’t have sex with girls.

Which made having sex with boys… interesting and more so if you cared about a guy and I think it was really left up to me to decide and define what “caring” meant and the illogic that said that I could have sex with a girl that I cared about… but I couldn’t have sex with a guy that I cared about and, well, as we used to say, “Bump that!” We… understood that we didn’t have to be like gay dudes and be boyfriends like they are in order to have sex with each other: We just had to want to do it and if we were friends, good friends or really good friends, that just worked.

We were… conditioned to ignore our feelings toward other guys. If you let it slip that you had feelings for a guy, some reinforcement of the rules was in order and you didn’t dare say that you really liked a guy because that was often enough for rumors of your gayness to sprout up and that was a problem since I also learned that people were more likely to believe the lie of such a rumor that the truth that I wasn’t a homosexual… but I wasn’t about to tell them that I was a bisexual. So there was that very social reason to not really admit to a guy how you really felt about him but, yeah, I do remember the first time I was having sex with a good friend, and he blurted out that he thought he was in and love with me and I told him to stop playing because it was impossible that he was in love with me. I know that I’ve said it to a guy during sex, too, but, nah, that can’t be for real – it’s just loving the good sex we’re having, right?

And, again, finding out that he probably was in love with me after all and having a bad moment thinking about him and how I had probably hurt his feelings but, then again, professing love for someone during sex is a no-no and that’s about the time I was learning about the power sex has and how it can unlock those very amorous feelings and how we try to keep those feelings on lockdown and especially when they’re being felt or expressed to or by another guy and his sexuality really doesn’t have anything to with it. You feel what you feel. It remains true that just because you have these feelings for someone doesn’t mean that you have to now be in a relationship, but it is… inferred and even implied as is what makes the sex you were having outside of a relationship… not so sinful and like the fornication that’s been going on. But even if you felt that way about a guy, the “best” way to express them was to tell him that… you love him like a brother.

I always felt weird saying that to a guy because I couldn’t stand my one and only brother and he didn’t like me all that much, either. But it’s the only “allowable” way to express your feelings for another guy but it doesn’t mean that you’re going to have sex… but it could. And then the caveat that, “We’re not going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, okay?” and once that was agreed upon, it’s time to have sex with each other for the first time as a “couple” that you’re really not all that much and… it can get messy. Guys would be good with having sex with you as long as thing didn’t start “getting serious” or otherwise look or feel romantic or like a relationship and that included busting your boy’s ass for not being available for sex when you wanted or expected him to be and getting pissy about who else he was fucking when he wasn’t fucking you and, yeah, let’s not take things that far and more so when it was bad enough having to go through this with women and even if we were keeping our “hands” to ourselves.

One just did not want to deal with relationship drama with a guy because I know that I heard a lot of horror stories about effeminate gay men having all kinds of fits because some guy broke their heart, got them into bed and lied about their feelings for them and, whew, shit, I thought women could throw fits behind this crap until I saw a gay guy lose it and went off on the guy who broke his heart or whatever he did to make sure that a real relationship didn’t happen and, again, not really having a clue about the power of sex and it being a master key to our emotions.

The truth is that you do not need to fall in love or be in a same-sex relationship in order to validate your bisexuality. You don’t need these two things to have sex in the same-sex way of things, you know, if you don’t mind all that much. Yet, I can go on Twitter and see so many “confessionals” from bisexual men and women who rejoice in their freedom to love and be in a relationship with anyone and regard of sex or gender identity and I’ve often found myself rhetorically asking, “What’s love got to do with it and more so when we all eventually learn that love and sex aren’t the same things?” I mean, sure – the definition of bisexuality I learned kinda implies it – the physical and emotional affinity for both sexes. I had had to look up the word “affinity” because it, too, was a new word and, okay, it means liking and to whatever degree.

Under the tenants of boys being boys, you could have that physical thing for other guys – but “not really” – but it was just unthinkable to have the emotional thing for a guy and like those gay dudes we were hearing about. And it never connected with any of us that just because we were told not to have those feelings for a boy obviously didn’t mean that it was possible because, duh, gay dudes. Not all gay dudes were interested in a relationship but even back then, we believed perception over truth. It was “scary” to have sex with a gay dude because he would want you to be his boy- or girlfriend. Oh, hell, no! But, um, okay, we can get all personal with each other but we’re not doing the relationship thing.

The difference between liking a guy and liking a guy like that. Or not. Even guys who are up to their eyeballs having sex with guys often don’t want to talk about… feelings. FWB is okay as long as it doesn’t get that serious but you can’t be his FWB until you’re going to be into him and he’s into you and in ways that does not include or involve having sex. Dating, as I had once had it explained to me is… an interview for a relationship, with or without sex and depending on whether or not you’ve bought into the “no sex on the first date” thing that has been around since forever. It’s… okay to have sex on the third, fourth, or fifth date because by this time, you’ll know if you’re compatible with each other… and this doesn’t have anything to do with being sexually compatible but it’s part of the deal we go through with women when we (a) just want to screw them silly and/or (b) we really do want to be in a relationship with them and if they’ll have us… and now, you gotta do the same thing with some bi guysl and even if they “really” can’t be in a relationship but, sure, FWB works and while the earlier version of this didn’t include any real exclusivity, what it means to be someone’s FWB seems to be changing into, well, a real relationship with all the perks and responsibilities therein.

I had learned – and way before I got to be a teenager – that you don’t have to “be in love with a guy” or even be in a serious relationship with him in order to have sex. You just had to like him enough to want to and, hopefully, he felt the same way. If we liked each other enough and agreed to have sex with each other for the first time, fantastic and if the sex was good and satisfying, sure – let’s do it again and the sooner, the better and so will doing it as many times as we can get away it be. We’re friends and really good friends or, again, enough for us to be okay with having sex with each other but other than talking about how much we like each other – and that includes just being around each other – it’s okay to say that you love hanging out with him and even okay to say that you love him like a brother (and usually if you’re not having sex – yet) but to look in your male friend’s eyes and declare your love for him? Oh, fuck no! Impossible! You can get away with telling him that you love having sex with him as long as it didn’t imply or infer that the two of you should be boyfriends and the romantic kind.

We have held true that the only morally allowed sex is relationship sex. Except, even today, there are men who can and will have all the mad crazy sex with you… as long as things don’t turn serious and that means relationship serious. Being an FWB, suck, fuck, and/or jerk buddy is… far enough and I’ll say for most guys but we all know that getting into a relationship so that you can have sex is nice… but not required unless you have issues with the sin of fornication… but friendship is a relationship, too. Hmm. Being in a same-sex relationship can be nice – but it does not validate things other than you’re able to be in a same-sex relationship and in a world that still believes this is a sin.

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah, but…” I can’t say that I blame you but that all depends on what you believe about these things. I’m just the bisexual guy who’s telling you about other bisexuals guys who are looking for a relationship with another guy so that they can have sex and, in a way, validate their bisexuality and my position that you don’t need to be in a loving relationship with a guy to validate your bisexuality – you should have done that already once you accepted that, holy shit – I’m bisexual! Or I think I am. The… less complicated form of validation that I think all of us do go through is… that first time having sex with a guy – but that’s just “proof” that you can do that stuff you’ve been thinking about and then thinking about it based upon your feelings and if you have them, you just validated them and having that first sexual experience… seals the deal or proves that you couldn’t have the sex and some guys have gotten into a “relationship” with another guy and discovered that the sex ain’t working for them and they become disillusioned because they were sure that it would.

Which is something I find odd since, um, don’t we experience such things with women? My protege was having a fit because his FWB (not the current guy) was behaving like they were exclusive boyfriends and he couldn’t understand why and got to riffing about it and all I said was, “Well, you already know why since you’ve been with women before so, yeah, you should recognize the behavior.” And he really didn’t… because only gay dudes behave like this, right? I had to explain to him that there’s nothing he can do about how the guy (1) felt and (2) perceived the sexual relationship to be and (3) yes, having sex with someone more than two or three times can be seen as a sexual relationship and I did remind him that the two of them had been having sex every other day and for a lot of days.

It’s okay to be relationship-minded in this. Guys who are get… out of sorts because there are a gazillion guys who want to have sex with you, have it more than once or twice, but aren’t of a mind to take on the role of FWB because it’s a relationship that can have emotional overtones so let’s just keep it at having sex and avoid all that emotion-driven drama that relationships bring to the table. The overall tone today seems to be that casual sex is to be avoided; no sex on the first date; there has to be some being into that’s not just sexual. I have told guys who have said these things that if what they’re saying sounds familiar to them and many have said that it doesn’t and like I did with my protege, I’ve told them, “But you’ve been involved with women, right?”

And some say, “That’s different!” and, nope, it isn’t because guys are on the hunt for other guys and just like we’d be on the hunt for a woman – and getting subjected to a lot of the same things women subject us to and I thought it was just me who was seeing this until I found out that I wasn’t. I thought I was wrong about what I was seeing – and I know that I could be wrong but, nope, not wrong and now it seems to be a requirement where the acceptance of bisexuality in men and women are concerned and as I’ve said before, I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing for bisexuality to be handled like heterosexuality has always been mandated and, one day, having a good laugh to realize that homosexuals go about these things under the same damned rules.

We hold true that love, sex, and relationships are mutually inclusive… and they aren’t. One can beget the other but if you “just want to get laid,” you don’t need them to get laid – you just have to want to get laid and like the other person enough to want to have sex with them and it is not really a sexuality thing since this is what we been doing all along. Happily committing the sin of fornication and doing it in the preferred relationship way… but in this, guys aren’t all that different from how some women can be in that, sure, we can fuck but let’s not get too serious about shit, okay?

You don’t need to be in a relationship to prove your bisexuality. Trust your feelings. If you can, have the sex, try it “on for size” and learn if it works for you. If emotions are involved, fine – you’re really just as human as the rest of us are and if nothing else, it’s how you feel but, again, that underlying implication that says if you have feelings for someone that isn’t just lust, a relationship is mandated. And the heartbreak, disappointment and other shit that happens when a relationship doesn’t happen and “as expected.”

A guy asked me if I thought that he should look for a romantic relationship with a guy and I said, “I think you should handle your business in the way you want to handle it – just don’t get all down in the mouth when you find out that there are guys seriously willing to have sex with you… but the moment you hit them with the emotional/relationship thing? They’ll vanish like they never existed.”

Another guy asked me how I could just sleep with a guy, and I said, “Um, because I can and I’m not even thinking about anything more serious than us making each other cum…” and I added that last part because I knew why he was asking. Indeed, a lot of guys get totally freaked out over some guy coming over to them and propositioning them for sex and I’ve asked, “I understand how you feel about this but, um, how do you think a lot of guys get the dick they want? They’re not sitting around waiting for a Mr. Right – a Mr. Right Now works and especially with no strings attached.”

I’m sure I unnerved him by saying that, but the truth does tend to do that, huh? I learned that you just gotta like the guy enough to want to have sex with him and whatever happens after that, we can talk about or not. My relationship with my very gay boyfriend was amazing but we both admitted that if all we did was have sex after the first time we did, that would have worked… because it’s supposed to work; our relationship was.. gravy.

Fun stuff, huh?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bi-romanticism

Is it a must? After yesterday’s scribble, I spent some time thinking about those moments when sex with a guy would turn into more than that and, back then, the only time I really saw guys being romantic with me was when the other guy was gay or close enough for government work. There were always situations where a guy would tell me how much he liked me as well as times when there would be a guy who was found to be much more interesting than someone to have sex with and I really liked the guy to want to hang out and do other things, well, um, if we could keep our clothes on long enough to do those other things.

It wasn’t like having a boyfriend; it wasn’t exactly having a friend who was a boy and having a Friend With Benefits… but, sure, if you were tight with a guy and sex would “eventually” happen, okay – not that big of a deal and more so when myself – and along with other bi guys I was coming into contact with – were of a mind that having sex with someone you liked enough to want to do it with them was okay and more so when it didn’t make sense to do it with someone you didn’t like in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Sometimes a guy would say that he wished we could be boyfriends but, I dunno – guys have a weird kind of understanding about this that said, well, we’re both boys and we’re friends so that works, huh? That we were probably having sex wasn’t “really” a part of that discussion but I felt, at the time, it was an expression of how close we were as friends and, honestly, we’d find that other than getting naked with each other, we really did have other things that were dear to our hearts in common. We were all very much aware of how gay guys were hated and reviled and even the more… gayer fellas would say that if we were boyfriends, that would be nicer… but especially for them, it was very risky and would paint a huge target on them – and their boyfriend – and subject both guys to some really rotten shit from unbelievable ridicule to being subjected to violence.

No one wanted to be subjected to that shit so, by and large, guys who were, let’s say, much more than friends but were definitely lovers would just keep it under their hats and, besides: Was there really a reason to go there when, for one, we were friends already and, for another one, we were having sex just the same. How deep the friendship was or wasn’t… eh, it just was whatever it was; it was often good enough that we were more alike in that we had a secret we weren’t of a mind to let everyone else in on. The first time I can remember another guy telling me that he loved me – and looking back at that moment – I think I had already known that he was in love with me before he said that he was; in today’s terms, we’d say that he was clingy and quite the overtly emotional kind of guy. Not necessarily “gay” but, yeah, when a guy feels that his day hasn’t meant anything without being all up under you, well, that was weird since “everyone” knew that guys who were in love with each other were very gay… except this guy wasn’t gay and neither was I.

Guys were being friends and telling each other that they loved each other like a brother; whether it was in a romantic sense, well, that’s hard to put a finger on and more so when it was quite possible to bond with a guy but there was nothing sexual about it, well, not in the sense that we’d always want to rip each other’s clothes off but we could and would talk about sex – and even sex with other guys – and felt safe to do so; it wasn’t like either of us were gonna go tell everyone what we were talking about and while it may have crossed our minds to do it to each other, sometimes, it just never happened even if we happened to mention that, um, you know, if you ever wanted to do it, I wouldn’t say no to that.

That didn’t mean that there weren’t guys – bi or gay – out there looking for romance but it sticks in my mind that while it was or might be nice to be romantic, it wasn’t a necessity so much if one guy liked the other guy enough to want to have sex. At a high level, I think guys knew that having feelings for someone and having sex with them were two different things and that you didn’t really need the first thing in order to do the second thing and, besides: Having those feelings was awkward since we also knew that if you were gonna have those feelings, they were to be directed at and expressed to girls/women. You could tell a guy that you really liked him and even care about him with or without the sexual component and it was like, “Cool – I really like you, too, not like we’re gonna be boyfriends like that, right?”

Right… and more so when a lot of us would learn that some guys? Hmm… they didn’t react well knowing that feelings were getting that deep. Hanging out together? Cool. Having sex with each other? Nice! Things being more than that? Um, let’s not and say we did but, again, the overall thing we all seemed to know is that you didn’t have to like a guy “like that” in order to have some good, nasty sex with each other. Indeed, a lot of guys – and myself included – were of a mind that really falling in love with a guy was impossible; it just wasn’t gonna happen… and a lot of guys – and myself included – found out how wrong we were about that and that it was very damned possible for two guys to be in love with each other and not in that “brotherly” sense.

Nothing shook me up more than the day a guy told me that he was in love with me and I not only saw the truth of his words but the truth of how I felt about him and it was an even bigger shock to hear myself say, “I love you, too!” – and I knew I meant it and it was very damned real. Just when you think you have other guys – and yourself – figured out, you wind up getting your whole world turned upside down. A lot of guys were literally feeling the love and a lot of friendships – and let’s call it “sexships” – were falling by the wayside because that lovey-dovey stuff? Oh, hell, no – I ain’t gay! It’s not to say that two guys didn’t feel this way about each other but if ya didn’t want to rock the boat so much that it would sink, if you told him that you loved him, it had better been, “I love you like a brother, man!”

Even though I had found out what it’s like to be in love with a guy and how crazily wonderful it could be, still – and at the “high level” of things – guys were throwing it down with other guys with no more emotional connection to each other than liking each other because, again, you just did not ever have sex with anyone you didn’t like that much. Of course, there were those guys who only liked you because, um, because you had a dick and he wanted to get at it. Did they care about what you liked or other stuff like that? Yeah… not so much and finding myself in those situation would teach me what it felt like to be just a piece of ass and very much unappreciated. For myself, it wasn’t so much a need to feel or be romantic but, damn, dude, you just wanna have sex with me because I look good to you and not much more than that?

Oh, yeah – when I tell you that bi guys find out a lot of shit about why women behave the way they do, it’s no joke. I mean, you don’t really have to like me but it sucks when a guy doesn’t give a shit about you unless he’s having sex with you, um, not that the sex would be all that bad… but still! At least give a fuck about me being the person I am! But the reality was that giving that much of a fuck? Not really needed and I spent a lot of private time ripping this apart to see that while a guy giving a fuck about you makes you feel warm and fuzzy, getting some dick was and could be just as warm and fuzzy and then some so I learned -as did other guys – that if there wasn’t a whole lot of “extra liking” going on, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and more so when, once again, you just had to like something – anything – about a guy and enough to want to have sex with.

If there were guys who were of a more romantic bent, I gotta say that there were a lot of gay men who, in their great eagerness to be in a relationship with you, would purge that feeling right out of you. At this point, I knew what it was like to be in love with a guy and to be romantically bonded to him and, really, it did, at least for me, complete the circle and gave me an understanding of what love could really be like… but I was learning – and so was a lot of bi guys – that gay men? They had a whole different agenda and nothing riled them up more than them telling you how much they loved and wanted a relationship with you… and you just weren’t feeling that and more so when one of the conditions they insisted on was giving up women and pussy.

Yeah… not even gonna do that. And to be honest, if I was feeling that way, yup – you just killed the shit out those feelings, fella. Us bi guys operated under the premise that if we liked each other enough for sex to happen, that was fine… but you want me as a boyfriend and talking about us living together and all that romantic stuff? Yeah, um, no. I like being around you and like having sex with you but feeling love or otherwise being romantically involved with you? Sorry but no thanks; women are “bad enough” in these things but I – and other bi guys – were learning that romantically minded guys were a lot worse than any women we knew of. If nothing else, I learned the way a lot of gay men thought and felt and in the single-minded way they tended to think and feel so for a guy who had a thing for both men and women? Yeah… not sure how that’s gonna work.

Besides: Just because that’s the way you feel doesn’t mean I feel the same way or that I’m going to… or that I have to; why make this more complicated than it already is? In this period, there was a lot of romantic intent in the air but the lack of it didn’t really mess up opportunities to get dicks out and put them to use on each other and, again, some guys would be so insistent about the romantic aspect that it would just ruin a good thing. If being romantically involved with a guy wasn’t your thing, it wasn’t that big of a deal because there were still a whole lot of guys who didn’t want to be bothered with romance; they might like you and definitely like having sex with you and, well, that worked; no need to fuck up a good thing when it doesn’t have to get fucked up.

Then the NY Times, many years later, would publish a piece that said that bisexuality was real… and I was laughing my ass off and rolling my eyes so much that they really did work. And the kicker? Bisexual males were real, too! No shit, Sherlock! Really? I mean, who knew? To me, it seemed like the whole fucking world was off and running with this and, um, “stupidly” so, I thought. Everyone was acting like bisexuality and male bisexuals were something new and astonishing under the sun, which had me wondering what rock they’d been living under. People were saying, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man – he’s either gay or he isn’t!” and I was genuinely stunned to see/hear something that I had first heard decades ago and the even bigger kicker?

People insisting that if you weren’t in a same-sex relationship and romantically so, there was no fucking way you could be – or call yourself – bisexual. Wait, what? I spent a lot of time reading the stuff that was appearing all over the place including items written by those who said that since they had no interest in being romantic and being in a same-sex relations, they couldn’t be bisexual… could they? Ever since then, wow – I’ve seen and heard a lot of bisexuals jump on the bandwagon that in order to truly be bisexual, you must be romantically involved and in a relationship in the same-sex way.

What the fuck? I admit that this blew my mind so much that it actually took me a while to recognize what was driving this… nonsense: The heteronormative way of doing things where love, sex, and relationships have always been mandated. Men and women were speaking out about how much they wanted and needed both the sex and its intimacy but that relationship thing? Not feeling it and they were of a mind that not wanting or needing to be romantically attached to someone just totally invalidated their bisexuality. And bi guys? Holy crap… there were – and still are – a great many men who insist that if you’re not going to be into them and more than just wanting to have sex with them, well, you ain’t getting nothing here! Having sex with a guy and “just because” it can be done? Preposterous! Cannot and should not ever be done! Even implying that it was a certain guarantee that if you threw it down with a guy and there was no romantic involvement and no relationship-like situation in place, you were gonna get infected with something.

Years before, I had read something that said that the only legal sex in the United States was relationship sex which, in fact, played right into what I – and others – had been told about having sex including caring/being in love with the person first and foremost and, of course, having sex outside of a relationship was a sin – fornication – and, well, if you were doing things like that, you might want to have your fireproof undies on since you’re gonna burn in hell for fornicating. All across the Internet, I was reading things that kept insisting that if you weren’t bi-romantic, you weren’t bisexual; if you had no thoughts or feelings about being in a romantic relationship with someone who was the same sex – and, later, gender – as you were, there’s no way in hell you could say that you were bisexual.

And me being the very bisexual guy I’ve always been and way before any of this came to be? I was stuck on stupid and if you’ve ever really wondered why I keep saying that things didn’t used to be like this, well, now you know because being bi-romantic – and all that it’s said to imply and involve, did not exist; it wasn’t even a real or serious consideration unless you found yourself involved with a gay man… and not even all that much then. On the many forums I’d been a member of? If a guy said that he didn’t like guys like that, he’d get flamed big time because “the majority” was firmly of a mind that there was just no way in hell that you could like and want some dick but not like men like one likes women and, yeah, after that stupid article came out, so did all the people who insisted that being bisexual was a 50/50 thing and that you had to like the same sex and you did the opposite sex and without exception.

Are you reading all of this and shaking your head? Welcome to my bisexual world as it exists in the here and now. I’ll repeat what I said yesterday: This isn’t necessarily a wrong way to go about being bisexual and if you’re more of a bi-romantic kind of person, all well and good… but romance and relationships aren’t a hard set necessity when all you really want and need to do is be intimate with someone and, ironically and as Mrs. Fever pointed out in her comments yesterday, bisexual women are not all that romantically inclined when it comes to wanting to be intimate with other women; it’d be nice… but works quite well without it. Bi guys used to be like this and many still are but it seems to me that more and more bi guys are requiring and demanding that before you can have sex with them, you’d better be into them and prove that you are without your dick getting involved.

Maybe now you can understand why I tend to scratch my head a lot about this and why I really can’t say that the push in this direction is a good or bad thing because where acceptance of bisexuality is concerned, it seems that if you’re romantically and relationally bonded in the same-sex way, well, okay; that means you’re doing things just like everyone else is and has been doing them. Romance and relationships good, not having them involved, very bad. It really does crack me up and makes me roll my eyes to have a guy tell me that just because I don’t require a guy to be my boyfriend and we’re all into each other, I’m not really bisexual… and even more so when I was bisexual before most of those guys were even born… and their parents hadn’t been born.

The good thing is that a lot of bi guys are really getting more in touch with their emotions and are accepting that however they feel about other guys is not only how they feel but it’s really okay for them to feel this way… because it really is and I will never discount this or say it’s not a real-deal thing… I just don’t think it’s a hard-set necessity because I know, even if they don’t, that it never was a hard-set necessity and, again, not even when gay men were interacting with each other. If it went down like that, fine… but if not? We can still have sex, right? Sure we can but in these things, everyone has their own idea about what being in love is supposed to be like and “just having sex,” well, that happens but shouldn’t happen without some being into – and, at the least, being Friends With Benefits, being established and in place first and foremost.

And if you’re a bi guy and not doing things in this way, well, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re not waiting for Mr. Right to come along (and then not doing one damned thing to find him), settling for Mr. Right Now is not only fucked up but instantly and immediately dangerous and potentially fatal. And I sit back, day after day, and see this going on and wonder what the fuck is happening and, importantly, why it is happening. Again, I’ll never say that being bi-romantic is going about things the wrong way… but I do very much question the hard-set need for it since there are still a lot of guys who really don’t like guys like that… but they sure as hell like dick a whole lot more.

And if you needed more evidence about why I keep saying that if you think women are funny about this stuff, men are even funnier about it, well, here’s my take on it and everything I keep hearing and seeing has done little to dissuade me from being of a mind that being bi-romantic is the way it should be and not being bi-romantic, well, you must be some kind of fucked up individual to like dick – but not be into the guy attached to it. Early on in this debacle, it was being said that if you were really bisexual, you would – and should – be more into the person than having sex with them; otherwise, there’s no way you’re bisexual. This sentiment really had me stuck on stupid because it was being implied that people – bisexuals -were just running around all over the place and having sex without one iota of consideration about the person they were looking to have sex with… and it’s never been like that even if it appeared to be that way because, again and all along, having sex with someone you didn’t or couldn’t find something likeable about? No one in their right mind does that and especially when you can run into someone and see something – anything – about them that just rubs you the wrong way; you might talk to them but you sure as fuck ain’t gonna have sex with them.

So, yeah – I just do not know anyone who would have sex with someone that they haven’t given some thought about first, whether it’s only a few minutes of thought or a longer period of time; even I will take however much time I need to think about the person who’s looking to get into my underwear or I’m of a mind to get into theirs… so where is this “hearts not parts” crap coming from? Well, I know where it comes from and it stems from something I heard when I was a wee lad: You do not ever have sex with anyone you don’t love or care for and especially don’t know a whole lot about, and aren’t in a relationship with and if they wanna have sex with you without any of those things, run away – just run away.

Not wrong… but not really right since, if you know anything about humans, we, um, we do have sex just for the hell of having sex and if it can be NSA, so much the better. Like Mrs. Fever said, it’s interesting that bisexual women are becoming more NSA about it while bisexual men are looking for, expecting, and demanding that strings get attached and with Gorilla Glue (nope – just couldn’t resist that one). Relationships do not validate sexuality nor does being romantically inclined; still not bad or wrong if one is romantically inclined and relationship-minded but it’s optional… not mandatory as it continues to be insisted that it has to be. And don’t get me started on the attraction thing and I just might want to write something about that but, for now, I’ve written enough, methinks.

Bi-romanticism is a real thing and something that’ll either work for a person or is deemed to not be a great necessity because it doesn’t really lend itself to validating one’s sexuality. I am bisexual; I’ve been this way for a very damned long time and I validated this about myself without romance or relationships even being a consideration – but knowing that I liked guys and their cocks – and still a fiend about women? I’d say that validates my bisexuality in a nutshell. Romance? Been there; absolutely wonderful as was the relationship. Is is needed when I find something I like about a guy and enough that, hmm, you know, getting that dick wouldn’t be a bad thing?

No… and I’m not the only bisexual – male or female – who thinks and feels this way but it’s starting to look like we’re quickly becoming a minority in these things.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Romance – Yea or Nay?

Saw a comment on the forum thread about older guys and bisexuality and the comment was about the romantic aspects and that little voice in my head said, “Yeah… a lot of bi guys are leaning more toward sex with romance and “getting away” from sex without it… but why?”

Yeah… y’all know me by now and if you don’t, hold my coffee.

We’ve known all along that sex and romance goes hand in hand and that, in this context, having sex with someone you care about is not only a physical expression of our feelings for them but makes the sex better, meaningful, and with substance. We’ve also known, all along, that sex “for the sake of it,” is just as good, has meaning, and isn’t without substance but because we’ve been told to not have sex with someone unless we have feeling for them, well, it’s a “habit” that we’ve not been able to really break – and not that it should be broken.

Some bi guys don’t care for the romantic aspects and for what I think are two reasons. One is being romantically involved with another guy is just too weird and the other is that a lot of guys are very much romantically involved with a woman or, as I heard a guy say a long time ago now, “Romance? That’s what women are for but when I want a guy, I just want to have sex with him!”

At the end of any day, you do the thing that works best for your sensibilities but this topic, among bi guys, is rather divisive and in other topics I’ve read, the debate on whether or not romance is essential can get rather heated. One camp says that if there are no other feelings involved other than lust, nothing can ever happen while the other camp says that anything other than lust just overly complicates an already complicated situation and more so when a guy is already romantically involved with someone and, oddly, with or without sex.

Decades ago, a woman I was talking to about being bi asked, “How can you have sex with a guy you don’t have any feelings for?” – and it was a good question given how we look at this. It was the first time I said, “I don’t have to have ‘feelings’ for him – I just gotta like him enough to want to have sex with him.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” she said.

“Well, I’m a guy… and it makes sense and probably more so since I happen to love women and having those deeper feelings for them,” I had said.

“So, it’s really all about the sex?” she asked.

“No, not always because I do sometimes feel more for a guy than just an urge to get into his pants,” I said. “But the one thing doesn’t have anything t do with the other, does it?”

She said it did but, sure, she’s a woman and women – and I’ll say generally speaking – aren’t fans of having sex without that emotional connection being in place. Men have gotten a bad rap over the ages because for many of us, the two things are not mutually inclusive and we’re dogs because we can have sex just because we want/need to have sex – but if deeper feelings come into play, okay.

A while ago, I read something I thought was rather pointed: Women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship… and I kinda kicked myself because I never thought about it like that even though, as a man, I’d been quite true to this premise – it was a bit of a wakeup call and one I still feel I should have gotten way before I actually did – but that’s me.

Also a while ago, I scribbled about a new “trend” in the M2M dynamic: Bi guys were now looking for a relationship first and I had said, “Hmm… that’s interesting!” While having a same-sex relationship was never really off the table for bi guys – it was something you just didn’t hear a whole lot about – I got to thinking about this shift, digging through a lot of stuff to get to the root of things (and as I’m wont to do) and, okay, I think I see what’s going on here and, in and of itself, actually isn’t a bad thing…

Unless you ask a guy who has zero interest in being romantically involved with another man what he thinks about that. A lot of guy avoid that deep emotional connection like the worst plague in human history but, yeah, they want the dick; they want the intimacy of sex and sex in the “forbidden mode” and, almost predictably, once they begin to realize that their feelings for a guy is more than just sexual, they’re in the wind and as fast as they can manage to do so.

Fact: The only morally “legal” sex is relationship sex. Fact: Fornication – that’s sex without a relationship being in place before the fact – is a sin and one punishable by spending eternity in hell or some other form of purgatory.

Fact: We need to have sex in order for our minds and bodies to work optimally and, also a fact, this need is stronger in men than in women. One theory I read about a few years ago said we behave the way we do about sex because sperm is plentiful but eggs aren’t so women have to be picky about who gets access to their eggs while men don’t have to be picky like that and, really, we’ve all heard about guys needing to “sow their wild oats,” haven’t we?

Social programming and conditioning was designed to keep us – guys – from doing a whole lot of sowing while shaming women into avoiding any sex that didn’t have shit to do with allowing their precious eggs to be fertilized except under certain conditions, oh, like being in a relationship with a guy and being in love, for example.

Yeah… it’s complicated… but despite all of this, men and women do have sex because, um, that shit is fun and if there aren’t any strings attached, so much the better since, preferably, you wanna attach said strings to someone you care about and more than just someone who can scratch that itch for you. But even in things hetersexual, we’ve seen this same behavior where there are two camps, one in favor of casual and recreational sex and one in favor of sex only in a relationship mode and with the appropriate feelings involved.

I’ve been around long enough to see how the dynamic has shifted from guys throwing the dick down on each other because they could to settling into the more formal mode of avoiding casual sex and in favor of relationship sex. Again, not necessarily a bad thing because it represents a form of “normalization,” I think – just because it’s two guys (or two gals) doesn’t mean we can’t go about this the way we’ve always gone about it and this, as strange as it may sound, actually makes a lot of sense…

If we could all agree that it does… and we don’t. A lot of bi guys in the “relationship first” faction get totally bummed out because trying to find a guy who is of a similar mind is pretty damned difficult. It’s not really about being in love and as we understand it – it’s about being able to have sex with someone who is going to be invested is us in some way; maybe not a boyfriend in the conventional sense but, sure, a friend with benefits – and a degree of exclusivity – would work just fine as long as, again, that arrangement is more than a sex-only kind of thing.

More and more guys are opting to keep their pants on if that investment isn’t – or can’t be – established and, again, that’s not necessarily a bad thing but I’ve also seen FWB change from something that’s a bit more than casual to becoming more of a committed thing to be involved in and it’s not that surprising because this is something we know about and know well – it’s normal to have loads of sex with someone you care about, considered distasteful to just have sex because it can be done.

The “hearts, not parts” gang gotta be deliriously happy about this but their premise is more pie in the sky stuff than what’s really going on since sex is about the parts but historically rarely without taking into consideration the “heart” attached to the “parts” or, simply, we do think about who we wanna have sex with which is why, I think, we rarely, if ever, have sex with someone we know we don’t like or can’t find something interesting enough about them so that sex can be done.

Or, as I say, I don’t have to be all into a guy to get nasty with him – I just gotta like him enough to want to. Here’s the thing I grew up with: You find a guy interesting enough that you wanna get naked with him and if he’s agreeable, it’s a done deal. If the interest continues either because the sex was all that and/or you find that you have more in common than just liking dick, so much the better because who doesn’t want to have that friend they can be open enough with to have sex? Wait… isn’t it said that having sex with a friend isn’t a good thing? Yeah, it is… and now you might begin to see some shit taking shape and some shit that I’ve always found interesting because it’s a contradiction – perception versus truth – and, yep, complicated.

Some guys say, “I can’t see myself falling in love with another guy…” and that’s in the romantic sense; we slice and dice it because many of us will tell a guy, “I love you like a brother, man!” – but that love isn’t romantic and might not be sexual at all and as such, it’s all good. But, again, there are a growing number of men who are of a mind that romantic intent is implied in this and it kinda fucks with some guys because, um, they’re already romantically involved and usually with a woman.

It sounds crude but some guys are really of a mind that if they have a woman, they have the best romantic outlet known to mankind which lends itself to a lot of disappointment because when your need for romance is in hand, the “only other thing” you need to go along with the romance is sex – theoretically speaking, of course… and men are infamously known for being able to have sex without romance being involved – we look for sex and find a relationship.

A lot of guys are of a mind that, say, wanting to suck a dick (or five or ten) and just because it can be done is the wrong way to go about doing this and, I think, with great disregard for the fact that, um, men do behave like this. It’s not that we’re “afraid” of romantic entanglement – we just somehow know that you can have one without the other but, sure, when you can have both, that works, too.

Women say that we’re emotionally closed off… and that’s not really true – we’re just not open 24/7 to our emotions like that because we’re taught to keep our emotions in check, well, except for getting pissed off about shit. It’s not that we’re opposed to romance – many of us are hopeless romantics at heart but many of us say, have said, will say, that being in love or otherwise romantically involved with a guy just can’t happen… or it’s not supposed to… but it does since we know about gay men. Even I once said I could never fall in love with a guy… then I did and it was eye-opening, magnificent, and the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced.

But, like so many other guys, I don’t need to be “in love” with you to want to have sex with you. I have to like you and to whatever degree that happens to be – yep, I do pay attention to the “hearts” thing because not paying attention to this aspect of things just doesn’t make any sense at all. But I understand something and something it seems to me a lot of guys don’t: Men aren’t women and I find it a bit “disturbing” to see a lot of guys being of a mind that they can deal with a guy in the same manner they’d deal with a woman. Emotionally, we’re different – big time duh – but in other ways, not so much. Guys fret and fuss about dating each other and how problematic this is for them and, I think, because dating is a prelude to establishing a relationship… and a lot of guys just ain’t feeling that and more so if they’re already in a relationship and getting some dick is that “something on the side” thing.

In this, some guys are trying to invoke a form of monogamy into a sexual situation that doesn’t lend itself to the rules of monogamy; if you’re already in a relationship, tacking on another relationship “doesn’t make sense” but the sex? Yeah, that can still happen, you know, if you want to and we don’t really have to be more than just friends for this…

And, apparently, this is becoming less true these days. I sit back and take note of these particular debates and I marvel at them because I can see, if no one else does, that wanting to be in a meaningful relationship with someone and with sex as a perk is something that’s ingrained in all of us – now, whether or not it really works has always been up in the air. We’d prefer to surround ourselves with people who give a fuck about us as a person and avoid those people who just see us as a means to an end.

So if “Pete” just wanted to hook up with “Carl” just to have sex without developing a more deeper bond, well, “Carl” probably ain’t feeling that NSA stuff… and “Pete” isn’t looking to get “tied down” with another guy like this and the end result is nothing happens… when both guys know that something should happen and because it’s supposed to – or it could if we weren’t now of two minds about this.

It’s fascinating to see this at work and more so since I’m now able to see this at work more than ever before thanks to the Internet and having better access to other bisexual men and their thoughts – and feelings – about this. Bi guys are saying that you can’t get their dick or their ass (or both) without some kind of commitment or investment in them… and others are saying that all of this ain’t even necessary. Nice but not mandatory in the grand scheme of things. We want a guy to come back (and, yeah, literally so) for more of us, not just for the sex we can provide but because of us as a living, breathing and, yes, feeling person. If you just wanna get at us and we’ll never see or hear from you again, well, that’s not cool – and now guys are finding out something that women know about us and tend to despise us for.

And it’s no wonder that some gay men avoid bi men at all costs because we’re not so inclined to be romantically involved. Yes – like you enough to want to bump uglies with you, not so much of a mind to play house with you and, facts being what they tend to be, a lot of guys shy away from M2M romance because – and I almost ‘hate’ to say it – it’s too gay for their sensibilities and, well, um, bi guys aren’t homosexual guys and to “expect” a bi guy to behave like a true homosexual doesn’t seem to make sense because we love those crazy women too much to give them up just to be romantically and sexually exclusive to and with another guy. But, yeah, even that happens but you don’t hear much about it when it does.

Finally – and I know y’all are thinking, “It’s about time!” – we have long held to the fact that love and sex aren’t the same things – they just work well together except, even where sexuality is concerned, sex without love or, realistically, that emotional bond being established and firmly in place is just wrong and in the minds of many. To those folks who see bisexuality as some kind of abnormal behavior, I wanna tell you that it’s not as abnormal as you think it is because, regardless of sexuality, we all want the same things in life. We want and need sex and preferably with someone we care about and who cares about us and bisexuals, it seems, are falling in line with this preference because you don’t have to rely on a single source to be able to have and get both affection and sex.

The “problem” is that the reality we don’t want to really acknowledge says something different and, so, bi guys are of two minds about this and I’m not gonna say that one side is more right than the other because it’s all about what works for an individual and, perhaps, not so much the way things are supposed to be.

You decide if romance is mandatory or not even if you’re not bisexual. Think about why you feel the way you do about it and maybe you’ll see why this fascinates me so much.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: For Love or Just for Sex?

Yesterday, when cleaning out the Tumblr spammers, I saw some things that made me ask myself this question. One was a pic of two “typical” guys – ultra fit, big dicks, etc., standing on a beach, naked, their backs to the camera and holding hands as they watched a beautiful sunset. I said to myself, “Hmm, nice sunset…” and, yeah, I said it as if I didn’t notice either guy’s backside but did pay attention to the appearance of lovingly holding hands.

The next thing I saw was a clip featuring two more of those “typical” guys and the more “hunky” of the two was pounding the daylights out of the, um, kinda more twink-like guy’s backside; the pounder leaned over, pulled the poundee’s face around, and planted a pretty assertive kiss on him before returning to fucking him like a jackhammer trying to break up some tough concrete.

That was about the time the question formed in my head as a third thing was displayed starring two very well built and muscular men, one lying on his stomach while the other “muscle hunk” was hammering the guy’s butt and in a way to put the guy I previously mentioned to shame. I closed the app with the question on my mind while a secondary question also began to form: Which of those three things would best appeal to men who also happen to like men?

“Hmm, I don’t know…” was the preliminary answer and as I went on about my day, these questions were being worked inside my head.

Just a little while ago and during my visit to the forum, I saw a post that had been revived that was, in essence, asking the same question and, to paraphrase, “relationship or just sex?” I smiled wryly at the irony since I was still thinking about the questions posed to myself yesterday. I scanned through the comments quickly (thank you, Evelyn Woods!) and saw that a lot of guys leaned more toward the romantic/relationship/friendship direction than the “gimme the sex and nothing but the sex” direction and I did notice a continuation of the “theme” or mindset that without that connection, sex is off the table.

As I opened WordPress to check the reader and to write this, the two questions became a multitude of other questions, one of which was me asking myself if this… “trend” is an indicator that an air of normalcy is being introduced into something that, historically, has always been considered to be abnormal for men to be engaged in, whether for love, sex, or both.

This particular question is harder to answer than the “for love or just sex” question. Granted, the forum membership doesn’t represent all bi guys but there is a pretty large sample of men from all walks of life and quite a few countries so when they say something, it might not be gospel or canon in that sense but you can get an idea which way the wind is blowing at the higher altitudes of thought.

Also plaguing my thoughts is an even better question: Is what I’m seeing really happening or does it just look that way? Again, it’s a question I can’t really answer; I know what I’m reading from other guys just as I know that the “love” aspect can be seen and no matter what the topic happens to be. When it comes down to guys sucking cock or doing the butt thing, that need for a connection to be in place is, at least to me, pretty clear and preferred and even by those guys who have yet to take the plunge.

You have some guys who seem to understand something about other men, that being, we look for sex and find a relationship – and provided a relationship is seen as being very necessary but, okay, if they’re looking for Mr. Right, they can do it while throwing it down with Mr. Right Now because needs must and as a kind of “reverse prioritization” – get the much needed sex and if you happen to come across a Mr. Right, so much the better.

And very much unlike all the guys who stand pat on their decision that if we ain’t gonna have a connection, you’re not getting any of this and I’ll say/ask it again: Does any of this sound familiar? Then I’ll answer the question by saying, once again, “Yeah, it should sound very damned familiar…”

The funny thing is that “gay porn” – and I enclose this in quotes because it’s not a given that the guys you see in this are really and truly gay – displays both things and not necessarily at the same time. You can see a bunch of “frat boys” lined up to fill some “hapless” dude’s mouth and ass with a lot of dick and, it seems, always with a beer in hand and someone invariably saying, “Hold my beer!” You can see a really twinky guy getting his head handed to him as a “daddy” or some big bruiser is just laying the pipe to him with a great deal of seriousness.

And you can see guys who are, at least visually, “in love” with each other and “making love” instead of “just fucking,” tenderly, passionately and, I’d guess, illustrating the “right” condition under which sex has meaning and maybe even implying that those guys you can see fucking and sucking like madmen could, potentially, be doing it for the “wrong” reason but, after all, yeah, we really do just have sex with each other and for the sake of doing it.

I ask myself what might be driving this “sense of normalcy” and I’m not sure what it is; “gay porn” shows you both sides of the coin but at the same time, this “normalcy” thing seems to be a “natural” outgrowth or progression from the way relationships and sex are supposed to work and happen and, I’ll keep saying it, relationship sex good, recreational or casual sex not good.

I question whether this “doing things the way they’ve always been done” thing is a good or “bad” thing and maybe “bad” is the wrong word to use in this context because it would seem that if the behaviors of bisexual men are gravitating toward more “acceptable” behaviors, well, how can that be a bad thing? And I’ll even man-up and admit that this “feels wrong” because when I was growing up, this just wasn’t how guys behaved in any of this; I recognize it and I really don’t allow it to color my observations because I also know that the M2M dynamic has always been changing and it’s only now that I can more clearly see which direction it’s going in…

Provided I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing while the child of science I’ve always been keeps reminding me, “You could be wrong.” With what I’ve been observing, I don’t think I am; I think that what I’m seeing are bi guys instinctively gravitating to a default behavior that’s been instilled in the majority of us and all too similar to how heterosexuals and even homosexuals tend to behave: Establish the relationship first, reap the benefits later and with a segment who are “social rebels” because the sex carries more importance than the relationship.

Guys no longer want to “hook up;” they’re very concerned about dating and in the forums – this “new” one and the now-defunct one – the fellas are clear about this distinction and rather adamant about being able to date for a purpose and not to just get some dick (and in whatever way they like dick).

So on the topic of bisexual acceptance, could things be working out in a way that’s really saying, “This isn’t any different from what anyone else is doing and it’s being done in the prescribed ways and methodologies and the only real difference is who we’re doing it – another guy instead of just women.”

I see where straight folks are branching out and embracing forms of non-monogamy (nothing strange about that) and it’s been reported that gay folks are moving in this direction as well and with great emphasis of maintaining the core relationship… and a lot of bisexuals have jumped on this particular bandwagon and, importantly, those who can’t want to be on the bandwagon. Society is still feeling some kind of way about folks taking the tenets of monogamy and turning them on their head in favor of a more optimal way of having relationships; holding on to some of those tenets and, um, not so much “keeping only unto themselves” while doing just that at the same time.

Kinda. Sorta.

I look at the big picture – or what I can see of it – and it all makes sense, including bi guys wanting and needing things to be all about the relationship first and the sex a secondary concern and if some more script-flipping can take place to stick yet another thumb in the eye of monogamy, so much the better but, yeah, that’s a lot easier said than done… doesn’t change the fact that it’s being done albeit with glacial slowness.

To the question of, “for love or just sex,” maybe the answer is: Yes. It’s a valid answer since we all get jiggy for both reasons – just a matter of where individual priorities and needs are… and those things are starting to line up nicely with the way we’ve always gone about these things and according to the mandates imposed upon us.

It’s interesting and things are still very much in flux and now it’s a question of whether or not society as a whole is seeing this and are becoming of a mind to say, “Oh, okay, handle your business… as long as you handle it the way it’s supposed to be handled!”

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Couple of Pet Peeves…

A couple of misconceptions that’ll get my eyes rolling:  One, if you’re a bi guy, you just love and have to have a big dick to play with and the other is that just because a bi guy can be romantic with a woman, that somehow means that he’s also romantic with men.  First, the big dick thing…

I know and have learned the hard way that if nothing else, big dicks – and those really big dicks – are nice to look at (sometimes) but doesn’t always mean that sexual pleasure is a given; that depends on the guy attached to the dick and, well, let’s just say that just because homey has  a dick hanging down to his knees doesn’t mean he knows how to use it – or how you want it used on you.  But just cause some guy announces to me that he has a ten-inch dick doesn’t mean I’m going to fall all over myself trying to get at it – and he can actually think that I’m going to, believe it or not.

I’ve had these big-dicked motherfuckers ask me why I’ve said no to them and I’ve said, “I’m not impressed by the size of your dick – and because you think I should be and just jump into bed with you, I’m even less impressed with you.”  You gotta know that by telling them the truth, I didn’t exactly make a new friend.  So you have a big dick… and that means what to me… and more so since I’ve had a dick or two that makes yours look little?  Big dicks, by themselves, don’t give me any issues I can’t deal with… but the dude attached to it, well, that’s another matter and I know that this isn’t always a good thing because I do know that dudes with big cocks don’t always know how to use them.

As I’ve said quite a few times, that men can be worst size queens than women still amazes me and that we live in a society where “bigger is better” is rammed down our throats at every turn, it no longer surprises me that this includes dicks and how many people have bought into the bigger is better mentality.  The question I ask – and have never gotten an answer to – is, “Should we be impressed by big dicks and when did this become such a preference?”  Now, I do know that the longer the dick, the closer it can get to a woman’s cervix in order to deliver his sperm but, beyond that, uh, why is this such a big deal?  The thing that got this rant going  – again – was another email from the gay VOD site with the “big dick” theme and one that lends itself to the notion that if the dick isn’t “you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!” big, sex can’t be as enjoyable.

Men who are, ah, connoisseurs of anal sex have said that, okay, a big dick will stretch your hole out in a delightful way… but they’ve been fucked “better” by guys with average-sized dicks.  I’ve heard women who rant and rave about big dicks being better get ahold of one… and then wish they hadn’t because getting their cervix hammered doesn’t feel all that good; bumped into, yes – attempting to drive it into their chest cavity, eh, not so much when you get right down to it.

Jeez… okay, enough of that one, now to the next one…

I recently read a series of books (“The Black Dagger Brotherhood,” by J. R. Ward) that has some semi-steamy sex scenes and one situation in particular where two of the male vampires were involved and while the sex they had was, um, eye-opening, it was all about romance even though one of the vampires was bisexual.  Indeed, I’ve read quite a few books where a bisexual – male or female – was involved and it was always about romance more than the sex, something that can easily make someone think that if you’re bisexual, you have to be romantic with men and as you’d be with a woman (if you’re a guy)… and that’s not quite right.  I’m not saying that it’s impossible for a male bisexual to be romantically inclined toward men and women… it’s just not the default behavior, if you will; most of the bi guys I know are romantic with women and, um, not so much when it comes to men and even though this can be seen as a preference, I’ve often thought that one reason why a bi guy would turn his nose up at being romantic with a man (and as he would with a woman) is that he feels it would make him more gay than bisexual… and there’s no bisexual I know who’d ever want to be labeled as being gay – but no one likes being called something that they know they aren’t, right?

There are a lot of bisexuals who wind up questioning their sexuality because it is assumed that when it comes to things of the same-sex variety, things should be equal, i.e., if a man is romantic with a woman then he has to be just as romantic with a man; else, he’s not really bisexual… and this is just crazy.  We’ve been taught that sex and romance just go together and in a relationship mode… when the truth is that, yep, they do work nicely together… but isn’t really a necessary requirement.  That a bisexual woman, for instance, might say that she could have sex with another woman but she doesn’t know if she could have a relationship (enter romance) with another woman shouldn’t surprise anyone or make the bisexual woman question her sexuality… because your ability/desire/whatever to be romantic has nothing to do with your sexuality so if she can be deeply romantic with a man – but not with a woman – but she enjoys the sex she can have with another woman, um, what’s the problem here?

There isn’t one, not if you understand how romance happens only in certain ways; that same bisexual woman could have zero romantic interest in a man – but would fuck him without giving it a second thought.  Romance is, if nothing else, idealistic; it’s nice if you can be romantic because we are taught that sex should never happen without love/romance/relationship being in play… which doesn’t change the fact that, nope, the shit doesn’t always happen that way.

I know I’m ranting… but this shit just tends to get to me every now and then and I know – or I think I do – that it’s because we’re always “pushed” toward romance and relationships and that we shouldn’t just think about our sexual needs and desires alone… and when you’re bisexual, you will eventually learn that the two things aren’t mutually inclusive; if you’re a bi guy, you can be romantic with women and not even think about romance when it comes to men and the same is true for bi gals… and, sometimes, it would be nice if the people who think they know what it’s like to be bisexual would stop thinking like this and then portraying bisexuality as being equally romantic.

Okay, I need to find something else to do before I go off the deep end…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Romancing a Man

The first thing I’m gonna say about this is that no matter what you’ve been told, you do not have to (a) romance a man or (b) be in a relationship with a guy to (c) validate your bisexuality and, finally, (d) if it’s not in your best interest to do it.  I know this bothers a lot of bisexuals because it’s not really a huge shift in thinking that if you have to romance a woman and have a relationship with her, then the same logic applied when it comes to men.  The next thing I’m gonna say about this is that bisexual men do get romantically involved with other men and can see their way into having a relationship with him… but it’s not the rule and it’s not really an exception – it’s just the way things can work out depending on one’s emotional and physical needs.

I think about my experiences with this and, on the whole, I can’t honestly say that the whole thing is all that bad… when you just look at romance and relationships but when you factor in the other person (and yourself), well, it can go as good or as bad as any other kind of relationship with the exception that men aren’t supposed to be romantic with each other or form a relationship outside of just being friends.

For guys who aren’t gay, the mere thought of having a relationship with another man is enough to make your balls retreat to safety; bisexual men aren’t always “afraid” of the sex two men can have… but if  there’s something that’ll get their guts churning is the thought of falling in love with a guy – and then thinking that because love is on the table, a relationship has to take place.

The logic of this is flawed; just because romance is in the wind doesn’t mean it has to proceed to that “logical conclusion” of having a relationship and while two guys can “give up women” and start playing house with each other, it’s because they want to… not because they have to.  Indeed, a lot of bi guys can feel that having a guy who’s in that FWB status is about as good as it can get; you get all the benefits of a relationship (read this as loads of sex) without all the hassles being in a relationship – and this kind in particular – can bring to the party.

Again, I look at my own experiences and can admit that I didn’t do as well in them as I could have done.  I can admit that for the first one, I just didn’t know enough to deal with it and, for the second, well, I’ll never know how that could have turned out because at the point where it was getting even more serious, it had to end.  The thing I eventually learned was a having a romantic relationship with a man isn’t really all that different from one with a woman in that there are going to be high and low points from beginning to end and now it’s a matter of how all of these things are dealt with…

But, as a bisexual man, you don’t have to get all into the romance and have a relationship if you can’t do it.  I wouldn’t say that it’s unusual for a guy to wonder what it would be like to be so romantically involved with another man but, yep, this is another one of those “thinking ain’t the same as doing” things I’m always yapping about.  And, yes, bisexual ladies, this applies to you as well, just in case you thought I forgot about y’all.  You could do these things… but you don’t have to if it’s not in your best interests to do so.  No, you shouldn’t assume that such a situation can never happen – those would be famous last words and you’d find yourself saying, “I thought it could never happen to me!” but because things have gotten romantic, that “logical conclusion” just does not have to happen if the conditions aren’t right for it and beginning with whether or not you can be romantic and/or even interested in playing house with them.

People fuck this up because they’re trying to do something that, at least for them, can’t be done; they just don’t have their minds in the right place to deal with the dynamics of a same-sex relationship and I’m not talking about the sexual parts – those are easy by comparison.  I’ve read here on WordPress that a lot of bisexuals say that they have little or no issues with the sex but they don’t think they could have a relationship so, duh, if you don’t think that you can, why would you try to do something that only serves to set yourself up to fail?  Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me and, no, just because you can have an opposite sex relationship doesn’t mean that the same sex one is going to be “easy” – because no relationship is easy to undertake and, for the moment, I’m not going to get all into the nuts and bolts about this.

Does it feel weird to find that you have deeper feelings for a guy than just having lust for him?  Yeah, it does and it can be disturbing and more so if you always believe that men can only love women – love, all by itself, doesn’t give a fuck about such things.  I know that it messed with my head initially but I was able to make sense of it because what I thought love is supposed to be ain’t always the same thing as what love can be.  So I went from being momentarily disturbed to tickled that, hey, I’m in love with a guy – who knew?  And just as it is being in love with a woman, it had its good and bad points – but that’s just the way love goes.  I learned that I could, in some unseen future, fall in love with a guy again and I wouldn’t question that… but I would very seriously question whether or not I wanted (or needed) to be in a loving relationship with him.  It’s okay for me to feel what I’m feeling but it might not be okay for me to do anything about it other than, uh, having sex with him – it just might not be practical.

This is yet another of those situations where you can’t let your emotions run the show; any thoughts about romance and relationship should be handled by one’s intellect:  Can I do it?  Should I do it?  Would it be what’s best for either of us?  What would I have to do to make this happen if this is what I need to do?  And if you can’t answer the questions, leave it alone until you can.  You don’t need romance and/or a relationship to validate yourself as a bisexual – this is “simply” a matter of whether or not you can really do it, not all that different from the same thought processes involved when it’s a woman you’re romancing and trying to establish a relationship with.

Just some stray thoughts before I settle in to watch some boob tube…

 

Ah, Springtime!

I stepped out into the warmth of this morning and my mind immediately thought, “Ah, springtime… when a young man’s thoughts turn to love and romance!”  As I sipped on my mug of Green Mountain hazelnut coffee, a few things popped into my head, one being that this saying – and one I recall learning in elementary school… or was that junior high? – was true as as I chased a lot of girls back in the day, just like all the other guys.  I sighed as thoughts of what happened when I caught them flashed through my mind and I thought, “Yeah…”

Then my mind asked, “Well, what about the other side of the coin?“

It wasn’t as if I didn’t know what it was talking about but I did think about whether I had romance on my mind when it came to those opportunities to get busy with them… and thought, “Nah, not so much.”  Even the one “made to be gay” guy in our troupe wasn’t so much about romance as he was about getting all the dick he could get away with.  Thinking back, we either liked each other or we didn’t, even though that could happen in the space of a few minutes – but that’s not the point I thought ahead quite a few years to my relationship with R and examined it for romantic content and saw that it was there but not in the sense of being romantic with women… and it wasn’t springtime when our relationship began.

I backed up a couple of years or so from that to recall a springtime moment with a guy who was looking for his first experience.  I smiled wryly to myself, taking a big sip of coffee from my mug, as the memory of the event formed.  I had just gotten off from work driving a cab, a little pissed at having to work three hours past my 10 PM to 7 AM shift but not all that pissed that I made a shitload of tips, not to mention my 52% cut from all the fares I collected.  Still, it was one of those moments when I decided that, fuck, I need a drink… or two.  So there I was, at my favorite bar, savoring my third tumbler of Scotch, when a man’s voice said, “Excuse me – is anyone sitting here?”

Even as I said no, my brain said, “Oh, here we go…” as the guy sat down, ordered a drink, took two sips, and decided to talk to me.  You know how you can get that overpowering feeling that something is up?  I had it big time and I was debating with myself whether or not to ignore the guy or to actually pay attention to what he was saying – and my fourth Scotch helped to make that decision:  I was going to listen and just wait and see if he was going to proposition me or not.  I will say that the only reason why I kept listening was because of the way he turned the conversation to man on man sex; I have to admit that it was rather smooth although I could sense some hesitancy in him, a feeling I knew all too well:  Do you take the risk and ask the guy about sex and then hope he doesn’t spaz out on you… or do you just keep it to yourself?

It’s a scary moment but he handled it nicely.  We spent the next fifteen minutes talking about it; I had stopped drinking Scotch and switched to ginger ale, waiting for him to make his pitch.  He was a nice-looking guy, well-dressed and even well-mannered but I had long since learned that this means nothing and while I was thinking about all the nice-looking assholes I had met, I almost missed him asking if I had any objections to, as he put it, taking his cherry.  I wasn’t really surprised that he asked and just tickled that he was a first-timer… but I knew that I had about thirty seconds to answer him one way or the other.  I ran through a mental checklist, saw that there were no yellow or red flags on it and said, “Sure, if that’s what you really want.”

He said he did and we spent a couple of minutes fussing over which one of was going to pick up the tab for the food and drinks we had – I literally lost the coin toss – and agreed to follow him home.  He didn’t live that far away and as I followed him, I could feel my mind starting to ramp up and, yeah, the blood flow to my dick increased as I began to wonder what this was going to be like and so much that my brain gave up on actual words in my head and stuck with a flood of images.  Once we arrived and he bade me to make myself comfortable as he put on some coffee, I was still trying to decide how to best approach this situation and wondering what I was going to do if he left the first move up to me – and he did by saying, “I don’t know where or how to start…”

One part of my mind said, “Aw, man…” while another part said, “Okay, we’re not gonna kiss him but let’s see how he responds to having his neck kissed…”  I moved very slowly toward him, purposely moving my head away from his lips – only to have him turn his head and causing our lips to brush against each other; despite my aversion to kissing men, my brain said, “Hey, that was actually kinda nice!” so I lightly kissed him, using one hand to gently hold the back of his head, the other against his cheek.

He said, “Oh, shit – let’s go the bedroom!”  He jumped up and started shedding his clothes and I followed suit; we reached his bed and he pulled me down on top of him and started kissing me with a purpose, our erections trapped between our bodies and our hands roaming all over the place – and I was still a little baffled about how good it was to kiss this man when things shifted… and I don’t know how to explain this.  We went from kissing to me having a sense that I wanted to take him and because I could sense that he wanted me to.  I started to work on his neck and ears, taking care not to leave any embarrassing marks; he was already thrust up against me and I could feel the tremble in his fingers as he fondled my butt cheeks.  One part of me, the beast who just loves deflowering a  guy, was already howling with lusty glee, egging me on to just skip over this mushy shit and ravage the hell out of him – but the cooler part prevailed because I really wanted his first time with a man to mean something, to be special and, yeah, that’s the romantic in me.

As I sucked on his nipples, on part of me wanted to laugh because he quickly went from speaking coherently to babbling as if he had a stroke – why I sometimes found this funny just escapes me but, no, I didn’t let the laughter reach the surface as I slowly and purposely made my way to his cock.  he gasped and trembled as I engulfed his knob and got my first taste of his pre-cum, which had a bit of a sweet taste to it and probably because of the rum he had been drinking earlier.  I took half of him… then all of him… and if I could have smiled with a face full of hard dick, I would have when he called out to Jesus to help him… and I thought, “Jesus is not going to help you…”

I sucked his cock, sucked his balls, and even very lightly fingered his back door, not only to increase his pleasure but to also test the waters; the way he moaned and wiggled his ass against my finger said that the waters were good – so I gently pushed my finger into him up the first knuckle and just left it here, inwardly smiling as he tried to screw his butt further onto my finger – and I just let him, sucking on his cock like the starving man I was and losing myself in the lusty feelings.  He scooched down a little and my finger went in up to the second knuckle; I could feel his sphincter clenching and quivering against my finger – and he exploded into my mouth, making me wonder when he last came because there was a whole lot of spunk to deal with – and I dealt with every drop, too.

When he had no more to give, I eased my finger out of him and let his dick fall from my lips; I got up on my knees and just watched him as I tried to get my breathing back to normal and he tried to figure out what planet he was on and, yes, it was kinda funny to watch him trying to find his voice and to see his eyes rolling around like a gyroscope trying to find its balancing point.  He was recovering – he was now looking at me with a look that said (a) he was in awe of me and (b) he was wondering what planet did I come from; if you’ve never seen that look in anyone, wow, it is so precious!

His first real word post-ejaculation was, “Jesus…”

My response was, “He can’t help you now…” and I could tell that I had my “predator face” on as I thought about either taking his ass or giving him a few seconds before going back down on him – but he had other ideas, beginning with suddenly sitting up and pushing me over onto my back; I had to scramble a bit to get my legs unfolded before my knees started to bitch at me.  He practically threw himself onto me and locked his lips onto mine, surprising the shit out of me because if I could still taste is sperm, he had to taste it as his tongue worked inside of my mouth – and I guess he did because he  moaned, “Mmm…,” before breaking the kiss and doing to me what I had done to him, licking and kissing my neck and ears, sucking the shit out of my nipples, giving my navel a tongue bath and then, a moment of truth for him as he slid further down and came face to dick with my erection – what was he going to do?

I could see his hand shaking a little as he reached out and wrapped his hand around me; since I was intently watching him, I could see him thinking about whether he could take me into his mouth or not as he slowly pumped my dick and watched my pre-cum oozing out.  Just before he went down on me, I saw him make the decision to do so, like something in his head said, “Oh, fuck it – just do it!”  He clamped his mouth around my knob… and gagged so hard I thought he was going to yak all over me.  I sympathized with him on this one because if you watch any kind of porn, it looks so easy to take a man’s cock into your mouth and start sucking on it… and it really isn’t that easy the first time you do it and it takes an effort of will not to react as he did.  I didn’t hold that against him – I just wanted to see what he was going to do.

I’d had guys chicken out at this point, just unable to do it – you just learn to expect this.  I didn’t say anything to him as I watched him working this out in his head for some long seconds before his mind said, “Go ahead and do it – you know you want to…” and he dove face-first into my crotch, more than half of my dick vanishing into his mouth and I could feel his gag reflex doing its job and I just said, “Go easy; don’t try to take too much too soon, okay?”

He just nodded and gave me a cock sucking experience that is kinda incomparable; there’s just something about a guy sucking dick for the first time that makes it so damned good!  His obvious lack of experience got blown away by his enthusiasm and my brain was saying that if he kept going at the rate he was, he was really going to get a taste of sperm – and I remembered my manners enough to let him know what was gonna happen.  He responded by pushing his finger into my unresisting ass and I lost it before his finger stopped moving.  He drank down my sperm and I had just enough awareness left to know that his body was fighting him on this one – that whole acquired taste thing, you know – but he worked his finger in and out of my ass until I had nothing left.

He stopped sucking on me, took his finger out of my, and then started to cry, mumbling that he didn’t know, never realized, calling on God and Jesus again and as I got more of my senses together, I was able to wonder if he was overwhelmed with joy or about to spaz the fuck out.  He didn’t spaz – thank goodness; he just put his head in my lap and idly messed with my balls and occasionally licked very limp noodle.  He was muttering something I couldn’t hear and when I asked him if he was okay, he just nodded.  And we just lay like this and I didn’t feel right interrupting whatever was going on in his mind and spoiling the mood, which I thought was rather nice.  I’m not sure how long we laid there with his head in my lap and me stroking his hair but he started kissing my dick and I could feel it on the rise again; when I was semi-erect, he took me into his mouth again, sucking me into full hardness and, honestly, I was gasping like a fish out of water as I held his head and gently fucked his face.

He suddenly stopped and lifted his head up and asked, “Will you please fuck me?”

I hadn’t had the experience that got me to swear off of fucking yet so I said, “If you want me to…”

He said that he did and got off the bed long enough to go into his bathroom and return with a tube of lubricant, smiling sheepishly at me as he said, “I use this when I jerk off…”  He handed me to lube and, curiously, laid down on his stomach and spread his legs a little – as I write this, it makes me wonder if this is somehow an instinctual behavior for some guys or if it was just what he had in his mind for this.  I lubed myself up and then went about the task of lubing him up, carefully inserting a whole finger into him and slowly fucking him with it before adding another finger to open him up more and prepare his sphincter to receive something much bigger.  He squirmed and moaned, fucking up against my twinned digits and something in my head said, “He’s ready…”

I mounted him and guided my cock to his ass, pushing up against his hole and asked, “Are you ready?”

He said something that sounded like “yes” and I slowly pushed my knob into him; I felt him tense and I stopped to let him get used to things – and he just humped up against me; as he got to his knees, my dick just disappeared into his butt all at once – I don’t know which one of us was surprised the most at this move and, honestly, I was waiting for a well-known reaction to happen.  In this moment, I’ve seen guys involuntarily throw up – shit, I’ve done it a few times and I was used to being fucked in the ass; you just all of a sudden get this very sick feeling in your stomach that’s just difficult to put into words.  I could tell he was fighting the urge to hurl even as he began to fuck back against me – and it was on.  God, he was so tight that I knew even with my second wind in effect, I wasn’t going to last long – but sometimes, that’s exactly the point; you either want the guy to give you a good, long fucking, or you just want him to get it in and then paint his insides with sperm and the sooner, the better – but not in that “hurry up and finish this” way.

I held onto his hips and watched my dick moving in and out of him – yes, men are still very visual even when with another man – and that was just too much input for me; I felt my dick swell inside of him; I cursed rather loudly and he once again called on Jesus to save him – then I creamed him, mindlessly thrusting into him and barely noticing the slapping sounds made as my body made contact with his until I had gotten soft enough for him to literally shit me out of his ass – and, no, there was no actual feces, okay?

I’m gasping for air and he’s giggling as I lay down beside him.  We actually held hands for the moments it took for us to get our eyes back into their respective sockets; he looked at me and I just knew he was going to ask me if he could fuck me – and I very much wanted him to… but then the look on his face changed, going from that blissful look to a worried one.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, a look of concern on my face now.

“It not what I thought it would be,” he said frowning a little more.  “Oh, it was damned good – thank you for that – but I thought it would be more… romantic or something…”

He was clearly disappointed but not disappointed; he didn’t want to fuck me – after all that had taken place, he said he didn’t think he could do that – and I’ll admit to being a little disappointed about it but we did shower together and I did get to suck him off while we were trying to get clean – he might not have wanted to cum in my ass but he deserved to cum one more time – that’s just the way I felt because fair is fair, right?  We exchanged phone numbers before I left to finally head home, even though I somehow knew that we would never reach out to each other – but you learn to expect that.  On my way home, I thought about what he said about the lack of romance in what we’d done and, honestly, this was a new kind of thought for me because up until he uttered that word, I never equated romance with having sex with a guy.   Today – and for the purpose of this writing – I wonder why this was so different in my mind where men were concerned; with women, yeah, you had that sense of romance – kinda hard to put this into words other than to say that with women, there was a little more than lust involved… and probably because I was raised with the notion that romance and sex go well together but also learned that you didn’t necessarily need romance to have good sex with someone.

I was thinking, as I wrote this, about whether or not romance even plays into guys having sex with other guys because with the exception of R, I can’t recall ever having a romantic moment with another man; when it comes to this, we’re pretty much no-nonsense about it and, yes, I’ve been with gay men who have displayed this “let’s just cut to the chase and do each other in” approach.  I’m not saying that there aren’t men who’d like to be wined and dined before the sex jumps off – I’m just not sure if I’m one of them.  Sure, we can go for coffee, maybe have lunch but that doesn’t seem very romantic and that’s probably because after the small talk is over and done with, we’re well into negotiating for the kind of sex we’d like to have.

Indeed, I’ve talked to other men about this and most were pretty sure that whatever intentions they had for the other guy, they sure as hell weren’t romantic.  Yes, some guys like to be seduced and some guys have to do some seducing and perhaps seduction, such as it is, also includes a bit or romance or more.  I guess that there is a different mindset on going between boy/girl and boy/boy; one requires an element of romance, the other doesn’t.

Oh, well, I just wanted to share this with y’all on this beautiful spring day – um, afternoon; shit, it was still morning when I started writing this!  Tempus fugit – time flies…  Before I forget, um, he did call me a couple of weeks later so we could hook up and do it all again – what a surprise and perhaps a story to be written later…