I stepped out into the warmth of this morning and my mind immediately thought, “Ah, springtime… when a young man’s thoughts turn to love and romance!” As I sipped on my mug of Green Mountain hazelnut coffee, a few things popped into my head, one being that this saying – and one I recall learning in elementary school… or was that junior high? – was true as as I chased a lot of girls back in the day, just like all the other guys. I sighed as thoughts of what happened when I caught them flashed through my mind and I thought, “Yeah…”
Then my mind asked, “Well, what about the other side of the coin?“
It wasn’t as if I didn’t know what it was talking about but I did think about whether I had romance on my mind when it came to those opportunities to get busy with them… and thought, “Nah, not so much.” Even the one “made to be gay” guy in our troupe wasn’t so much about romance as he was about getting all the dick he could get away with. Thinking back, we either liked each other or we didn’t, even though that could happen in the space of a few minutes – but that’s not the point I thought ahead quite a few years to my relationship with R and examined it for romantic content and saw that it was there but not in the sense of being romantic with women… and it wasn’t springtime when our relationship began.
I backed up a couple of years or so from that to recall a springtime moment with a guy who was looking for his first experience. I smiled wryly to myself, taking a big sip of coffee from my mug, as the memory of the event formed. I had just gotten off from work driving a cab, a little pissed at having to work three hours past my 10 PM to 7 AM shift but not all that pissed that I made a shitload of tips, not to mention my 52% cut from all the fares I collected. Still, it was one of those moments when I decided that, fuck, I need a drink… or two. So there I was, at my favorite bar, savoring my third tumbler of Scotch, when a man’s voice said, “Excuse me – is anyone sitting here?”
Even as I said no, my brain said, “Oh, here we go…” as the guy sat down, ordered a drink, took two sips, and decided to talk to me. You know how you can get that overpowering feeling that something is up? I had it big time and I was debating with myself whether or not to ignore the guy or to actually pay attention to what he was saying – and my fourth Scotch helped to make that decision: I was going to listen and just wait and see if he was going to proposition me or not. I will say that the only reason why I kept listening was because of the way he turned the conversation to man on man sex; I have to admit that it was rather smooth although I could sense some hesitancy in him, a feeling I knew all too well: Do you take the risk and ask the guy about sex and then hope he doesn’t spaz out on you… or do you just keep it to yourself?
It’s a scary moment but he handled it nicely. We spent the next fifteen minutes talking about it; I had stopped drinking Scotch and switched to ginger ale, waiting for him to make his pitch. He was a nice-looking guy, well-dressed and even well-mannered but I had long since learned that this means nothing and while I was thinking about all the nice-looking assholes I had met, I almost missed him asking if I had any objections to, as he put it, taking his cherry. I wasn’t really surprised that he asked and just tickled that he was a first-timer… but I knew that I had about thirty seconds to answer him one way or the other. I ran through a mental checklist, saw that there were no yellow or red flags on it and said, “Sure, if that’s what you really want.”
He said he did and we spent a couple of minutes fussing over which one of was going to pick up the tab for the food and drinks we had – I literally lost the coin toss – and agreed to follow him home. He didn’t live that far away and as I followed him, I could feel my mind starting to ramp up and, yeah, the blood flow to my dick increased as I began to wonder what this was going to be like and so much that my brain gave up on actual words in my head and stuck with a flood of images. Once we arrived and he bade me to make myself comfortable as he put on some coffee, I was still trying to decide how to best approach this situation and wondering what I was going to do if he left the first move up to me – and he did by saying, “I don’t know where or how to start…”
One part of my mind said, “Aw, man…” while another part said, “Okay, we’re not gonna kiss him but let’s see how he responds to having his neck kissed…” I moved very slowly toward him, purposely moving my head away from his lips – only to have him turn his head and causing our lips to brush against each other; despite my aversion to kissing men, my brain said, “Hey, that was actually kinda nice!” so I lightly kissed him, using one hand to gently hold the back of his head, the other against his cheek.
He said, “Oh, shit – let’s go the bedroom!” He jumped up and started shedding his clothes and I followed suit; we reached his bed and he pulled me down on top of him and started kissing me with a purpose, our erections trapped between our bodies and our hands roaming all over the place – and I was still a little baffled about how good it was to kiss this man when things shifted… and I don’t know how to explain this. We went from kissing to me having a sense that I wanted to take him and because I could sense that he wanted me to. I started to work on his neck and ears, taking care not to leave any embarrassing marks; he was already thrust up against me and I could feel the tremble in his fingers as he fondled my butt cheeks. One part of me, the beast who just loves deflowering a guy, was already howling with lusty glee, egging me on to just skip over this mushy shit and ravage the hell out of him – but the cooler part prevailed because I really wanted his first time with a man to mean something, to be special and, yeah, that’s the romantic in me.
As I sucked on his nipples, on part of me wanted to laugh because he quickly went from speaking coherently to babbling as if he had a stroke – why I sometimes found this funny just escapes me but, no, I didn’t let the laughter reach the surface as I slowly and purposely made my way to his cock. he gasped and trembled as I engulfed his knob and got my first taste of his pre-cum, which had a bit of a sweet taste to it and probably because of the rum he had been drinking earlier. I took half of him… then all of him… and if I could have smiled with a face full of hard dick, I would have when he called out to Jesus to help him… and I thought, “Jesus is not going to help you…”
I sucked his cock, sucked his balls, and even very lightly fingered his back door, not only to increase his pleasure but to also test the waters; the way he moaned and wiggled his ass against my finger said that the waters were good – so I gently pushed my finger into him up the first knuckle and just left it here, inwardly smiling as he tried to screw his butt further onto my finger – and I just let him, sucking on his cock like the starving man I was and losing myself in the lusty feelings. He scooched down a little and my finger went in up to the second knuckle; I could feel his sphincter clenching and quivering against my finger – and he exploded into my mouth, making me wonder when he last came because there was a whole lot of spunk to deal with – and I dealt with every drop, too.
When he had no more to give, I eased my finger out of him and let his dick fall from my lips; I got up on my knees and just watched him as I tried to get my breathing back to normal and he tried to figure out what planet he was on and, yes, it was kinda funny to watch him trying to find his voice and to see his eyes rolling around like a gyroscope trying to find its balancing point. He was recovering – he was now looking at me with a look that said (a) he was in awe of me and (b) he was wondering what planet did I come from; if you’ve never seen that look in anyone, wow, it is so precious!
His first real word post-ejaculation was, “Jesus…”
My response was, “He can’t help you now…” and I could tell that I had my “predator face” on as I thought about either taking his ass or giving him a few seconds before going back down on him – but he had other ideas, beginning with suddenly sitting up and pushing me over onto my back; I had to scramble a bit to get my legs unfolded before my knees started to bitch at me. He practically threw himself onto me and locked his lips onto mine, surprising the shit out of me because if I could still taste is sperm, he had to taste it as his tongue worked inside of my mouth – and I guess he did because he moaned, “Mmm…,” before breaking the kiss and doing to me what I had done to him, licking and kissing my neck and ears, sucking the shit out of my nipples, giving my navel a tongue bath and then, a moment of truth for him as he slid further down and came face to dick with my erection – what was he going to do?
I could see his hand shaking a little as he reached out and wrapped his hand around me; since I was intently watching him, I could see him thinking about whether he could take me into his mouth or not as he slowly pumped my dick and watched my pre-cum oozing out. Just before he went down on me, I saw him make the decision to do so, like something in his head said, “Oh, fuck it – just do it!” He clamped his mouth around my knob… and gagged so hard I thought he was going to yak all over me. I sympathized with him on this one because if you watch any kind of porn, it looks so easy to take a man’s cock into your mouth and start sucking on it… and it really isn’t that easy the first time you do it and it takes an effort of will not to react as he did. I didn’t hold that against him – I just wanted to see what he was going to do.
I’d had guys chicken out at this point, just unable to do it – you just learn to expect this. I didn’t say anything to him as I watched him working this out in his head for some long seconds before his mind said, “Go ahead and do it – you know you want to…” and he dove face-first into my crotch, more than half of my dick vanishing into his mouth and I could feel his gag reflex doing its job and I just said, “Go easy; don’t try to take too much too soon, okay?”
He just nodded and gave me a cock sucking experience that is kinda incomparable; there’s just something about a guy sucking dick for the first time that makes it so damned good! His obvious lack of experience got blown away by his enthusiasm and my brain was saying that if he kept going at the rate he was, he was really going to get a taste of sperm – and I remembered my manners enough to let him know what was gonna happen. He responded by pushing his finger into my unresisting ass and I lost it before his finger stopped moving. He drank down my sperm and I had just enough awareness left to know that his body was fighting him on this one – that whole acquired taste thing, you know – but he worked his finger in and out of my ass until I had nothing left.
He stopped sucking on me, took his finger out of my, and then started to cry, mumbling that he didn’t know, never realized, calling on God and Jesus again and as I got more of my senses together, I was able to wonder if he was overwhelmed with joy or about to spaz the fuck out. He didn’t spaz – thank goodness; he just put his head in my lap and idly messed with my balls and occasionally licked very limp noodle. He was muttering something I couldn’t hear and when I asked him if he was okay, he just nodded. And we just lay like this and I didn’t feel right interrupting whatever was going on in his mind and spoiling the mood, which I thought was rather nice. I’m not sure how long we laid there with his head in my lap and me stroking his hair but he started kissing my dick and I could feel it on the rise again; when I was semi-erect, he took me into his mouth again, sucking me into full hardness and, honestly, I was gasping like a fish out of water as I held his head and gently fucked his face.
He suddenly stopped and lifted his head up and asked, “Will you please fuck me?”
I hadn’t had the experience that got me to swear off of fucking yet so I said, “If you want me to…”
He said that he did and got off the bed long enough to go into his bathroom and return with a tube of lubricant, smiling sheepishly at me as he said, “I use this when I jerk off…” He handed me to lube and, curiously, laid down on his stomach and spread his legs a little – as I write this, it makes me wonder if this is somehow an instinctual behavior for some guys or if it was just what he had in his mind for this. I lubed myself up and then went about the task of lubing him up, carefully inserting a whole finger into him and slowly fucking him with it before adding another finger to open him up more and prepare his sphincter to receive something much bigger. He squirmed and moaned, fucking up against my twinned digits and something in my head said, “He’s ready…”
I mounted him and guided my cock to his ass, pushing up against his hole and asked, “Are you ready?”
He said something that sounded like “yes” and I slowly pushed my knob into him; I felt him tense and I stopped to let him get used to things – and he just humped up against me; as he got to his knees, my dick just disappeared into his butt all at once – I don’t know which one of us was surprised the most at this move and, honestly, I was waiting for a well-known reaction to happen. In this moment, I’ve seen guys involuntarily throw up – shit, I’ve done it a few times and I was used to being fucked in the ass; you just all of a sudden get this very sick feeling in your stomach that’s just difficult to put into words. I could tell he was fighting the urge to hurl even as he began to fuck back against me – and it was on. God, he was so tight that I knew even with my second wind in effect, I wasn’t going to last long – but sometimes, that’s exactly the point; you either want the guy to give you a good, long fucking, or you just want him to get it in and then paint his insides with sperm and the sooner, the better – but not in that “hurry up and finish this” way.
I held onto his hips and watched my dick moving in and out of him – yes, men are still very visual even when with another man – and that was just too much input for me; I felt my dick swell inside of him; I cursed rather loudly and he once again called on Jesus to save him – then I creamed him, mindlessly thrusting into him and barely noticing the slapping sounds made as my body made contact with his until I had gotten soft enough for him to literally shit me out of his ass – and, no, there was no actual feces, okay?
I’m gasping for air and he’s giggling as I lay down beside him. We actually held hands for the moments it took for us to get our eyes back into their respective sockets; he looked at me and I just knew he was going to ask me if he could fuck me – and I very much wanted him to… but then the look on his face changed, going from that blissful look to a worried one.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, a look of concern on my face now.
“It not what I thought it would be,” he said frowning a little more. “Oh, it was damned good – thank you for that – but I thought it would be more… romantic or something…”
He was clearly disappointed but not disappointed; he didn’t want to fuck me – after all that had taken place, he said he didn’t think he could do that – and I’ll admit to being a little disappointed about it but we did shower together and I did get to suck him off while we were trying to get clean – he might not have wanted to cum in my ass but he deserved to cum one more time – that’s just the way I felt because fair is fair, right? We exchanged phone numbers before I left to finally head home, even though I somehow knew that we would never reach out to each other – but you learn to expect that. On my way home, I thought about what he said about the lack of romance in what we’d done and, honestly, this was a new kind of thought for me because up until he uttered that word, I never equated romance with having sex with a guy. Today – and for the purpose of this writing – I wonder why this was so different in my mind where men were concerned; with women, yeah, you had that sense of romance – kinda hard to put this into words other than to say that with women, there was a little more than lust involved… and probably because I was raised with the notion that romance and sex go well together but also learned that you didn’t necessarily need romance to have good sex with someone.
I was thinking, as I wrote this, about whether or not romance even plays into guys having sex with other guys because with the exception of R, I can’t recall ever having a romantic moment with another man; when it comes to this, we’re pretty much no-nonsense about it and, yes, I’ve been with gay men who have displayed this “let’s just cut to the chase and do each other in” approach. I’m not saying that there aren’t men who’d like to be wined and dined before the sex jumps off – I’m just not sure if I’m one of them. Sure, we can go for coffee, maybe have lunch but that doesn’t seem very romantic and that’s probably because after the small talk is over and done with, we’re well into negotiating for the kind of sex we’d like to have.
Indeed, I’ve talked to other men about this and most were pretty sure that whatever intentions they had for the other guy, they sure as hell weren’t romantic. Yes, some guys like to be seduced and some guys have to do some seducing and perhaps seduction, such as it is, also includes a bit or romance or more. I guess that there is a different mindset on going between boy/girl and boy/boy; one requires an element of romance, the other doesn’t.
Oh, well, I just wanted to share this with y’all on this beautiful spring day – um, afternoon; shit, it was still morning when I started writing this! Tempus fugit – time flies… Before I forget, um, he did call me a couple of weeks later so we could hook up and do it all again – what a surprise and perhaps a story to be written later…