Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 22 January 23, 1446 hours

The blowjob. Stock in trade for guys as a prime entry point for sex with other guys. Lots of things to learn beyond “merely” taking a prick into your mouth and “sucking” it. As I finished that sentence, I was chuckling to myself to remember a friend doing it for the first time and he literally sucked my dick like it was the nipple on a bottle or a straw. It was funny then, too, but it felt pretty good and it didn’t take him long to “figure it out” and get into the classic up and down motion.

Some stuff learned from the early days. You either did it or you were too afraid to; you either got “good’ at it or you, pun intended, sucked at it. It didn’t matter how good you could fuck or be fucked because the “word on the street” was that if you weren’t good at the blowjob, it was presumed that you weren’t good at anything else. What I and the others would learn that we deemed to be important was that the guys who didn’t give blowjobs compensated by offering their butts to be screwed and, yeah, don’t stick it in too far.

I would think that the guys who didn’t want it stuck in too far would eventually get “tired” of being stuck or, um, someone sticking it in too far and decide that taking it in the mouth was the better option but for all of us young cocksuckers, reputations were on the line because if you couldn’t make it feel good – and get the guy you were sucking to get that “good feeling” – get ready to be talked about and not in a good way. Getting an “A” for effort wasn’t given all that much and since none of us wanted to be known as that guy who couldn’t give a good blowjob, a lot of us seriously stepped up our game and more so once, “little by little,” all of us got around to ejaculating and learning how to deal with getting a mouthful of baby-making stuff and, early into this phase of physical development, a whole lot of it.

If you couldn’t “acquire the taste,” you’d be talked about and razzed unmercifully. Not everyone could or did and “A’s” for effort were starting to be given out because, let’s face it, a guy’s stuff, other than the sheer volume of it, was usually thick and oatmeal-ish, and its taste varied from sweet to salty to very salty and those of us who swallowed it had to learn to adapt to it because not adapting to it wasn’t an option. There were guys who just weren’t into the fucking part of things, but they wanted to do something with a guy, and they quickly learned that their “only choice” was to give a blowjob and when the stuff got shot, just don’t let any of it get away from you or you will be talked about and razzed and everyone would find out that you couldn’t do it right.

Girls were either reluctant to suck dick or happy to… before we started ejaculating and once we were, few girls were willing to put their mouths on us because, as one girl said, “That stuff is nasty!” and, yeah, some girls were totally against it after an idiot would promise not to shoot in her mouth and did it anyway, either accidentally or deliberately and, as such, ruined getting a blowjob from a girl for the rest of us. So, if you wanted/needed a blowjob, there was only one source for one and as things developed along these lines, you knew who gave the best blowjobs and who didn’t – and the guys who weren’t that good at it were at the very bottom of someone’s list and sometimes we’d have to go there because a “bad” blowjob was better than no blowjob.

And the rule was if you got one, you gave one. Ejaculating put a big dent in this due to the acquired taste of things and some guys not being able to acquire it but the rule was the rule and it put a lot of guys into a quandary because they knew that if they wanted their dick sucked and be able to shoot stuff into a guy’s mouth, he had better be ready to get a mouthful of stuff, too. Some guys “dropped out” of the cocksucking game but they’d find themselves in yet another quandary because if you didn’t suck dick, chances were good that you wouldn’t be able to fuck the guy; for us, the two things were very much connected so if you weren’t afraid to “do all of it,” well, you had it made in the shade but if you were afraid of any part of things, well, you’d likely be spending a lot of time jerking off or begging girls to let you do it to them and… good luck with that and more so when the Hot in the Ass girls were in very high demand and even they started getting selective about who got to stick it in them and shoot.

For new guys wanting to hang out with us and get into what we were doing, well, they were told what they had to do and if you were chicken, well, when we’d go off to have sex, they’d have to go find something else to do. From the twenty to perhaps thirty guys of a similar age in our defined neighborhood, cocksucking, cum-swallowing, and butt-fucking got narrowed down to ten die-hard and stalwart guys and, yes, I was all up in it. I sucked a lot of dick because I wasn’t afraid to, I always swallowed a guy’s stuff, and I was deemed to be very good at it and even by the older guys – teenagers – who would wander in looking for a guy to have sex with and they’d be looking for me because they knew that it wouldn’t take much for them to convince me to give them one or two blowjobs or for them to be able to fuck me. But they, too, followed “the rule” because… it had to be that way and, again, if you wouldn’t do all of it, well, you got put on that list of guys to say no to.

Growing up, being a guy and being good at giving a blowjob was damned important; your reputation was put on the line every time you did it but now, things were getting “iffy” because there were guys who wanted a blowjob but not so much of a mind to give one in return and if they did, they’s stop short of finishing it and like they’d expect (and demand) you to do. To make things “worse,” some guys would give up their ass in “compensation” for not wanting to give a full blowjob and some guys wouldn’t and as these things went, you knew who wouldn’t do something and one’s reputation would get tarnished, a little or a lot. Things got… complicated because if you were a guy like me and you just loved the hell out of having sex with a guy, you… took what you could get and it was what it was.

But what remained true was that for a guy who wanted to get in on this action, sucking dick was the way to get into it and acquiring the taste was… optional but you’d get more opportunities for sex if you swallowed it – and didn’t throw it back up. High school days were tumultuous because getting pussy was difficult (unless you ate pussy) and guys who were gay bashers would find that if they needed to bust a nut, well, shit – they’d have to find a guy who’d be willing to do it and even that was a bit of a problem since they had been bashing the guys who would’ve had sex with them. I personally love to watch and hear them begging for a blowjob and I’d give them one… but after they gave me one. See, some of those guys were slick; they’d promise to return the favor but after you sucked them off, they’d quickly renege on their end of the deal – and they went on “the list,” too, so the smart way of dealing with these guys was to, essentially, “make” them suck you off first, then suck them off – and the same went for fucking.

A lot of guys in high school learned that if they wanted to have sex with a guy, they had to learn how to suck dick and… love it. Girls would “cut you too short to shit” for giving their pussies a few licks and then be in a hurry to get it in them and guys were getting to be this way and, yes, that included me. Fairness in this was quickly going by the wayside and, as I would learn many years in the future, the top/bottom/versatile dynamic was now in effect. Now the word on the street was similar to what girls were saying: If you didn’t give head, you weren’t getting lucky. You can’t get something without giving something.

After high school and into my early twenties, I had “finally” noticed that when a guy was looking for a guy to have some kind of sex with – and it didn’t really matter why he was and it wasn’t always about him being bisexual – the easiest thing for guys to do was… to suck dick and with the added thing of being able to acquire the taste of cum. In this, it was okay to take it into your mouth and spit it out or, usually, just let it dribble out. I would say that I… tolerated a lot of shit in order for me to suck dick but it had become very clear that if you wanted to suck dick, you did whatever you had to do and that often meant sucking dick without any reciprocation but I had my own rules and fiercely defended them: You want me to suck you off but you’re not going to return the favor? Well, now… what are you offering in place of this? Okay, there were guys who I’d suck off without reciprocation because (a) I needed to suck a dick and (b) sometimes, I didn’t want to be sexed in return because being able to suck a dick was such a joy and thrill for me so, sometimes, a guy would offer to suck me off and I’d tell him it wasn’t necessary… but my mom didn’t raise any dummies so if a guy did offer to return the favor – and because after I got done with him, he was now willing to do it – I wasn’t going to say no.

What I would also learn was that there were guys who wanted me to blow them but not even consider that I was just as much of a man as they were and, as such, I loved having my dick suck and being made to cum that way and just like other guys did. Some gay guys – and there was really no avoiding having sex with them unless you were seriously afraid of their gayness rubbing off on you – were… seriously the girl. They’d give amazing blowjobs and want dicks buried in their backside and some wouldn’t object to being sucked off in return but, mostly, you didn’t have to. The “problem” with these gay men was that they were looking for a boyfriend and the “straight” or bi guys weren’t all that interested in this and, well, there was a reason why some gay men would give me grief because I was bi and now, all bi guys had the bad reputation for breaking gay hearts and things just got all kinds of fucked up between bi and gay guys.

However, and again, if you were of a mind to check out sex with a guy, the easiest thing to do was to suck dick and “easier” and a lot less painful than having a hard dick shoved and stuffed into your ass. I gave a lot of guys their first experience sucking dick, both giving and receiving because they were either “that desperate” for sex or really wanted to know what it was like to suck dick. In this aspect, guys were putting themselves in the position to either indulge their hidden or newly emerging desires or be “conscripted” to do something they really didn’t want to do but women actually “helped” in this because, again, if you weren’t eating pussy, you weren’t fucking pussy and guys just seemed to equate this to sucking dick. I’d had a few guys come to me to be sucked off – desperate or otherwise – and admit to being very reluctant to return the favor and, often, putting me in the position of telling them that they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to but those guys would feel… obligated to return it and more so if they also wanted to fuck me at some point or they wanted to be fucked.

A guy had asked me what it takes to have sex with a guy and my immediate answer was, “Learn how to suck dick and learn how to love it and be good at it.” He got that “ew” look on his face, but it was more of a “seller’s” market than a “buyer’s.” If you wanted in, this was the easiest way to get in although mutual masturbation was/is, in fact, the easier entry point but a lot of guys… bypassed this because getting and/or giving a blowjob was the thing that got you into the game and changing your mind about giving and receiving after getting in, well, that was different and even expected. One of the things I applied some major brain power to was what made a guy who was clear that he didn’t suck dick “all of a sudden” change his mind about that? I was finding myself getting blindsided; I would be happily working a guy’s dick over and then I’d hear him say, “Move so I can suck your dick, too!” or he’s pawing at me or otherwise manhandling me into the 69 position and gasping because he’s sucking my dick and, for somene who had never done it and said that they’d never do it, the guy would be doing a fantastic job all the same.

Swallowing spunk was optional and some guys would heed my warning and move away and… some guys didn’t and I wanted to know why. Most of them couldn’t tell me because they didn’t know either but one guy said that he’d decided to keep sucking until I came and swallow it because he’d come this far so going all the way just made sense. In for a penny, in for a pound, and a guy was either all-in with sucking dick or he wasn’t. I was getting more of an awareness of what “the heat of the moment” could mean and a lot of guys who’d find themselves sucking my dick would often cite being in the heat of the moment – and they had no idea how they got there in the first place but, as one such guy said, “That was much better than you trying to get it in my ass!”

Sometimes, a guy was only interested in us jerking off together, singularly or mutually. Okay, not really my idea of a sexy good time but you take what you can get. Things would be going nicely – and I’m “dying” because I want his dick in my mouth so badly that it wasn’t funny but that wasn’t the deal so I had to behave myself. That, it seemed, didn’t apply to the guy playing with my dick and given the many times we’d be jerking each other off and the next thing I now, he’s blowing me and I might have heard him say, “Fuck it…” before he pounced on me. Some guys were more… polite and either ask if they could suck me or just tell me that they were going to and, sometimes, professing to not knowing why they wanted to but knowing that they just had to.

Well, okay… and it’s not like I was going to say no unless I had reason to think or feel that if he sucked me, that might not be a good thing for him. In any of this, first time cocksuckers would tend to say things like it wasn’t as bad as they thought it was or wondering why they’d never done it before now and I just found it all to be very damned interesting because, clearly to me, cocksucking was very much a guy-thing because, if nothing else, it was easier than trying to have anal sex and more satisfying than giving each other a handjob.

Guys wanted to know what it was like; they wanted to know how to do it and, yep, they wanted to know how to deep-throat a dick and, um, how to acquire the taste because the things about a blowjob was that unless there was some fucking to be done, if you sucked a dick, you finished it off with cum in your mouth. You didn’t have to swallow it if you couldn’t and some guys who really didn’t want it in their mouth would be very quick to spit it out. I felt that a lot of guys turned to guys to get sucked off – and, out of necessity, learned the art of cocksucking because women were very weird about sucking men off but while these guys didn’t know why girlfriend was being weird about it, I knew why since I’d been subjected to the same fucked up shit they were being subjected to… and the guys who learned how to suck dick and swallow cum with me would come back to tell me about this one dude who made doing it seriously fucked up.

Or, they now knew what all cocksuckers eventually learn, not so much about actually sucking dick but dealing with the guy attached to the dick. Things would get to be so bad in this that I made a “drastic” and permanent change to my rules: If you don’t suck dick, don’t ask me to suck yours. This stance would piss off a lot of guys who’d proposition me to suck them off and I’d ask them, “Why would you think that I wouldn’t want to be sucked off, too?” And, honestly, I couldn’t figure out why other than such men being afraid to suck dick or felt that sucking dick was beneath them and an affront to their presumed masculinity or, as one online asshole had said to me, “That’s what you gay motherfucker are supposed to do for a real man!”

I got – and still get – a kick out of shredding guys with this mindset. First, I’m not gay; next, I may or may not have fucked your mother but if I did, she swallowed so I might not be your daddy. And you’re an idiot because if it’s gay for me to suck your dick, it’s just as gay for you to want me to suck your dick. How you like me now, bitch? Yeah, I called you a bitch because you had the nerve to insult my manhood because real men do suck dick and if you were a real man, you’d know that and do it, you punk-assed son of a bitch.

You tell me that you don’t suck dick, then neither do I. It was bad enough that women were demanding to be eating like her pussy was your last meal on earth, but you’d better not even think about – or expect – her sucking your dick. You don’t eat the pussy, you don’t get to fuck the pussy. I understood their stance on this but it didn’t bother or affect me because I’m a pussy-eating fiend of the highest order but I would see and understand that the female stance in this not only made a lot of guys turn to guy to get sucked off, it also turned many of them into cocksuckers, too, and a couple of token sucks wasn’t going to cut it, not when you wanted me to not only drain your balls but to swallow every drop.

Even in this, sucking dick was the thing to do and, these days, if you’re a guy and you don’t suck and swallow, well, what the hell is wrong with you? My protege and I talk about this a lot and we agree that being a cocksucker should be a skill one has in their sexual toolbox. We often talk about the perception of good and bad in this and it’s been my position that the only bad blowjob is not getting one and being “Linda Lovelace” good at it… doesn’t really matter but having the desire does matter. He was telling me about his problem of not being able to deep throat some guys and gagging badly and I had to tell him to never do more than he’s physically able to do; even I didn’t always deep throat a guy but it wasn’t because I couldn’t do it – I just didn’t want to or he stupidly did or said something that made me decide that, nope – you won’t be getting this very heady pleasure from me.

Why do guys want that done? I… really don’t know but I suspect that it has something to do with why, when we’re fucking, we want bury all of our dick into someone that we can manage when we cum and, yep, the deeper we can bury it, the better chance of our sperm getting into a woman’s cervix and fertilizing her egg and… it’s just a natural kind of thing that applied to having your dick sucked and, I know, I probably have done a terrible job trying to explain this – but it’s all I have. What I know is that not only do guy want to be taken all the way down, but there are also guys who get bent out of shape because they can’t get all of it down or even get some dicks into their mouth comfortably – read this as not feeling like their mouth is about to get ripped apart. Guys are very keen to learn how to shut down their gag reflex or get it under some kind of control and it’s not an easy thing and skill to do because if you’re gagging, that’s your body telling you some shit that is best paid attention to and, yeah, nerd over here learned how dangerous it can be and, well, I’m not sure I understand why there are guys who want to be deeply face-fucked and made to gag and sometimes vomit and…

Dude… ew. But whatever gets boats floating and it still remains true that the number one and prime entry point into the world of M2M sex is… the blowjob. I personally appreciate a guy who can suck dick more than a guy who can fuck because, well, anyone with a dick can do that… but it takes skill to suck a dick and why fellatio is considered to be one of the sexual arts and some guys find it a difficult thing to (a) master and (b) be consistently good at it – and I had to do some thinking about that way back in the early days and those moments when a guy would suck me off and apologize for not being really good at it and, for me, having to learn and determine what mattered the most: Him being damned good at it… or appreciation that he gave it his best effort? Being a cocksucker, I gained a major appreciation for anyone who’d take me into their mouth… because they didn’t have to and I also learned to not make the mistake I’d see a lot of guys make by demanding that their dick be sucked and finished off.

I mean, if you want to, I am grateful and appreciative because I know what it’s like to suck dick. I know that it might look easy, but it really isn’t, and it often takes a lot of work to get a guy to cum and I’m not going to complain if whoever’s sucking me isn’t of a mind to finish it… because they didn’t have to do it in the first place. Guys “worry themselves sick” over being master cocksuckers and learning all the techniques, tips, and tricks needed to get a guy to cum and… I get it. It’s a matter of ego and pride because I know that I do not ever want it said that I was lousy at sucking dick – and if anyone has said it, they haven’t said it to my face and, really, I wouldn’t care because I did what I set out to do: Suck the dick. That’s a win for me and if he didn’t like it, oh, well. Yeah, that’s… inconsiderate but where sucking dick is concerned, you go with the flow of things and… you can’t and won’t please everyone and it’s a mistake trying to.

For those guys who want to jump right into fucking, I suggest that they learn how to suck dick first… because it’s easier and gets one used to being naked with a guy and dealing with his dick. Swallowing cum is optional but, again, this is an easy way to find your way around a dick and it doesn’t take a whole lot of time to figure it out and unlike losing your anal cherry can take. I have, over the decades, maintained that this is easier because it can be done almost anywhere; it doesn’t take a lot of time to do it and to get a guy to cum (that varies, of course, and depends on a lot of shit); there’s no real preparation involved other than making sure that your junk is clean and doesn’t smell like the city dump on a hot summer’s day. I especially “recommend” this as a first thing to do given how many guys want the biggest and fattest dicks they can get their hands on and, well, um, before you try getting a monster in your ass, you might want to try sucking it first so you can get “an idea” about the check your mouth made, and your ass will definitely wind up cashing. More so when it’s likely that if he’s not already hard, you’re gonna have to get him hard.

You could use your hand to do that… but where’s the fun in that? I implore newbie cocksuckers to make it easy on themselves and learn how to suck dick. Find the desire to as well as the pleasure in it. If you can acquire the taste, all well and good and spitting it out is… proper cocksucking etiquette but just know that if you don’t or can’t swallow it, the guy you’re sucking is liable to deem it as a bad blowjob and, well, you don’t want that. I had to learn not to be mad at myself when I knew I was giving a bad blowjob – he didn’t have to tell me that I wasn’t getting it done for him and… I wasn’t having any of that. Yeah, pride goeth before the fall and all that but I cite something my mother told me: If you’re going to do something, strive to be the best you can be at it.

I’m sure she didn’t have cocksucking in mind but the logic of it is sound just the same. I have learned that, in the world of things M2M, it’s the guy who can suck dick and swallow cum that will be remembered more than the guy who can fuck/be fucked. Anyone can fuck or be fucked but not everyone can be good at sucking dick and by good, I mean having the desire and drive to be the best cocksucker they can be.

And there’s a guy right this very moment about to suck a man’s cock for the first time in his life; while it does matter why he’s about to, it “doesn’t matter” because this is the easiest point of entry and the one that a lot of guys seem to be more interested in because it’s easy and relatively safer than taking the dick in the ass or stuffing their dick into an ass. That first time guy is going to learn what every cocksucker winds up learning: He’s either going to get seriously hooked on it or he’s going to find out that it’s just not for him and he can’t even bring himself to take the dick into his mouth at all.

The blowjob. Stock in trade for guys as a prime entry point for sex with other guys. It was the first thing I learned to do with a guy and, yeah, I got forever hooked on it and being hooked taught me a lot of things about myself that wasn’t easy to accept or really understand until I got a lot older and was integral to everything I was learning about having sex and that included eating pussy. Yeah, I’ve gotten asked which thing I like doing more and the answer is… both. Getting hooked on sucking dick and eating pussy had me wondering why I was so hooked on it other than the obvious and that’s when I learned that I’m… orally fixated and damned near obsessively so – and something I had to get a grip on because some people… don’t like getting head.

Being able to understand those folks and how some of them will give head but for them? No, thanks. It’s a bummer for me but it’s also learning about respecting sexual boundaries and, well, mine are pretty far out there and so far that I’m not sure I can see them any longer. Sucking dick is the main entry point for a lot of men but also the main entry point and beginning of them… understanding themselves and learning that sucking a man’s cock and swallowing his cum is a taboo that is also very damned enjoyable.

And even it, at first, they don’t know that it is and can be. You can ask a cocksucker (a) what it was like the first time they did it and (b) what they like and dislike about it but I maintain that if you really want to know, gird your loins, set your fears and inhibitions aside and… suck a guy’s dick, off or otherwise. Then, perhaps, you’ll be able to understand why there are guys like me who love to suck dick and swallow cum and, yeah, are also pussy-eating fiends, too.

I very much remember a woman asking me why I was “so good” at eating pussy and I confessed that it was my belief that I’m “good” at it because I suck dick and love doing it and that I sucked dick before I ate a pussy and… the two “different” things just clicked in my head. I think she was shocked at my admission of being a cocksucker but, um, she did ask me to go back down on her and that’s all that happened. She asked if I was disappointed that didn’t fuck and I said that I wasn’t because I do so very much love eating pussy and I will do it for as long as a woman can take it – and still want to even if she can’t take it any longer. We did get around to fucking but that’s not the point so much. Shit, woman – give me a reason not to eat that pussy right off of you!

My desire and “skill” at sucking dicks did relate to eating pussy and very much in line with my oral fixation. I did, at one point, wonder if I would have had the same drive to eat pussy if I hadn’t sucked dick first and… I am unable to answer the question other than to say that maybe I would or wouldn’t. The point is moot. I entered this aspect of having sex by sucking dick and swallowing cum and the rest, as they say, is history.

And just too much fun to do.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 January 23, 1543 hours

I saw that the forum post on sexually frustrated men had new activity, so I took a look to see what’s up and the last few comments were about women sucking guys off and why they (a) won’t do it, (b) don’t like doing it and (c) were doing it but stopped.

One of the things I learned early on – and as usual – was that some guys would turn to other guys for a full blowjob because (a) the women they were having sex with wouldn’t do it or (b) the woman they were in a relationship fell somewhere in the first three things mentioned above. My experiences with the fairer sex and cocksucking have been interesting; some females just refused to do it and because they heard the horror stories about it and by refuse in this context, that means they weren’t going to do it for any reason as compared to those who refused to do it because they got traumatized the first time they did it and, nope, not doing that again.

Some women “confessed” to using the full blowjob as a way to get the guy. They’ve said that they’ll start out sucking a guy off but once they get them, they’d be lucky to get sucked off on his birthday or their anniversary – and if they even make it having an anniversary. Some women have said that doing it pre-relationship is a no-go or that they’re saving it for the man they’re going to marry. The “usual” reasons are:

1. It takes too long to it/for him to cum and it’s too messy
2. Not acquiring the taste, selectively or not at all
3. Tit for tat: You want your dick sucked? Eat the pussy first and… she’ll get back to you on her part of the deal. Maybe.
4. Feels there’s no longer a need or desire to
5. Guys get too rough
6. Dick too big to suck
7. They don’t have to if they don’t want to
8. Their idea of not being clean enough including being too musky

One of the things I learned going into the teenage years was that girls are funny about sucking your dick. While there were girls who’d be gung-ho to do it, they were in the minority and the majority was either afraid to do it or there would be some kind of price a guy would have to pay to get sucked off and even if they were in relationship with her and, again, many were saving this for their Mr. Right and marriage. Some girls would do it in order to preserve their virginity or to greatly lessen the chance of getting pregnant but if you were looking to get a blowjob from a girl, she might suck your dick but there was a great chance that she wasn’t going to get you off that way and instead of cumming in her mouth, you’d get jerked off instead – and don’t get that shit in her hair or anywhere else she didn’t want it.

You learned that some girls were just really funny about it. As mentioned earlier, some girls would use the full blowjob as a way to get a boyfriend but after that? He might get sucked off but in a reducing kind of way until she feels that she’s done it enough times already so there’s no need to do it again – or ever again… with this guy. Most situations get reduced to special occasions but depending on how long the relationship continues to last, even those special occasions will usually go by the wayside.

None of what I’m writing is meant to throw shade at women about this. It is whatever it’s going to be and for whatever reason applies. But, having said that, if a woman’s guy is discovered to be getting full blowjobs from men, well, first, he’s about as wrong as it gets and then the whole thing becomes all about her and how she feels about what he did… and, at least to me, not really understanding that the “main reason” why he went this route was because she wouldn’t suck him off.

I’ve sucked off a lot of men who, when asked why they want this from me (or any guy who would), many of them have said it’s because women/their woman refuses to do it either again or at all. Now, I remember a period of time where women were… adamant about being eaten and they did not mean a few token licks, either. A lot of guys were either being cheated on or wound up losing their woman because if they weren’t going to do it, there was always a guy who most definitely would and, preferably, without being asked to as well as being willing to stay down there no matter what and for as long as it takes for her to be happy with things. I’d say that there’s nothing really unusual about this and more so when a lot of guys were finding out that if he didn’t eat the pussy and do it right, they knew a woman who would… and there was nothing the guy could do or say about it unless he wanted to get his feelings hurt.

Yes, the double standard was in full effect, but it was… iffy in that if a guy went to another woman to get sucked off, that was one thing; but if a guy was doing it? Oh, fuck no! Let the fussing and fighting commence and, again, the conversation would go from being about him to being about her and even as I learned, there is no logical argument that can stand against a woman’s emotional response. I would kinda understand that, yes, they did understand why he let “Jim Bob” suck him off but, eh, not so much. “Mosts women” would not accept the logic that says if you don’t or won’t do it, someone else can and will because, um, no one else is supposed to. Ever. Shit is about to get very ugly and by the time the arguing is done, homey may or may not have a woman.

One commentor on the post asked why more women don’t like sucking a guy off and went on to state that (1) she loves doing it and can’t get enough of doing it and (2) what sucking a guy off means to her. She’s the type of woman that most guys have serious wet dreams about since this woman said that she’ll suck a guy off… just because and he doesn’t even have to ask if she would. Which is all well and good but is not how other women think and feel about it… and, again, why some guys are looking for other guys to suck them off (and other things).

Women have gained the reputation for not doing it and I’ve said it before: We – men – know that there are guys who will suck us off and without any of the hassles that women put us through. Women have the right to refuse to do it. No disputing this… but. Either a guy is just going to “live” with not being sucked off or he’s going to take matters into his own hands (so to speak) and, oddly, while they could kinda/sorta find a woman who’d be willing to suck him off, well, that would be cheating but not so much if a guy does it. Sounds weird, right? Cheating is cheating. But… boys will be boys and us sucking each other off is… a guy thing and one that a lot of women can’t make sense of because we’re not supposed to be doing that.

I’ve told women that I suck dick and they’ve gotten seriously offended and I’ve asked them, “What does this have to do with you?” and now I’m being read the riot act over what men are not supposed to do and how hurt and betrayed she feels, and I must not really care about her and especially if I want her to do something she doesn’t like doing… at all. I personally learned to not ask to be sucked off but that’s me; I learned from the experiences other guys had with this and them asking and getting kicked to the curb and even fussed at for having the nerve to even ask her to do it.

I learned that women are… conditional about sex. I… understand some stuff about why they are like most guys do not understand that females are, by default, sexual objects and guys start chasing them and begging for sex and this is a non-stop thing for them and… it gets old pretty quick and it’s not like they don’t want to have sex but guys have to work for it and even harder if they want to be sucked off and, well, it depends on a lot of stuff that is always subject to change without notice and without cause or reason. I would learn that some women… weaponize sex. It’s a way to control a guy and pretty much get him to do whatever she wants him to do and it’s always about what they’re not going to do, oh, like suck him off – unless, again, she’s of a mind that doing so will get him hooked on her and once the hook has been sunk in good, well, this is going to stop. I’ve heard women crow about doing this but, at the same time, wondering why they can’t keep a man and, yeah, why he cheated on her.

This whole blowjob thing is stupidly messy but the one thing that we know is that we can find a guy who’d give anything to suck us off and… zero conditions and other kinds of drama. Jeez, I can’t even begin to tell you how many guys have sucked my dick but I can tell you that only two of them weren’t of a mind to suck me off and that’s because they didn’t want to acquire the taste. Otherwise, unless some fucking was on the menu, we were hooked up to suck each other off… because, well, because. It is not to ever say that women are the sole reason for guys sucking each other off.

It’s just that sometimes, it is the reason and if you’ve read what I’ve written above, then you get an idea of how… convoluted this whole thing gets because, first and foremost, women don’t have to if they don’t want to and there’s no arguing their reason for not doing it… and, again, guys have two choices: Don’t get sucked off by her or find someone who will and, sometimes, that someone is a guy. I can hear the women reading this starting to sharpen their knives and… don’t. Just don’t. People want to know why we suck each other off and I’m the one who has the nerve to answer that question. And that women aren’t “always” at fault. For instance:

There are guys who will not eat pussy even if you put a gun to their head, but they want their dick sucked and finished. Now, unless the woman in question doesn’t like being eaten, um, guess what she’s not going to do unless you get to feasting on her? I mentioned “tit for tat” above but women have told me that they won’t suck a guy’s dick if he does not give 1000% to eating her pussy or, if he’s going to half-ass it, he loses or doesn’t earn the privilege of (a) having his dick sucked and/or (b) finished by allowing cum in her mouth.

I learned that some guys do not know how to get their dick sucked and what “most women” prefer they do: Just lie there and don’t even think about “helping” them. Women have told me that they’ve run into guys who watch porn and think that what they see on the screen is the way to get their dick sucked and, yeah, I know exactly what they mean because I’ve run into them, too. Some guys really don’t understand that if she’s not sucking you off, they might be the reason why she isn’t. However, it remains true that if a woman isn’t sucking a guy off, some will find someone else who will, and it might be a guy because “everyone knows” that there are guys who suck dick and swallow and by default and the only bargaining is… where to get it done. When is usually right now. As my protege has said, sometimes, the “price” he’s had to pay comes in the form of a drink, a couple of beers, or getting some tacos and as compared to how much it costs him to take a woman on a date and that’s no guarantee that sex is going to happen and if she does blow him, it is without any intent to finish him.

And accidents aren’t always forgiven, by the way.

Woman have said, “I don’t know what y’all get out of it!” and I have told them, “We get sucked off. What else is there to get out of it?” And you can accurately guess that this answer did not go over well with her. Told that we’re not supposed to do that shit; told that there are plenty of women willing to suck us, off or otherwise; getting “yelled” at when I’ve asked, “So why won’t you do it?” and, yeah, glutton for punishment but I’ve taken the punishment because, again, I have sucked off a lot of guys because of a woman’s thoughts and feelings about sucking dick and finishing the blow job with cum in her mouth and spitting it out is allowed but some guys get a little pissy about that.

And there are people who want to know why we suck each other off. It’s… not a sexuality thing but a sex thing. It doesn’t always have anything to do with being into men but very much a thing of a guy not minding that another guy is not only going to suck his dick, but the guy is also going to want the cum in his mouth so he can swallow it. And get kinda pissy if that doesn’t happen.

Having said all of this, some guys have… requirements if you want them to suck you off. I had asked my protege what a guy has to do in order for him to suck a guy off and… his list of requirements and conditions was pretty interesting but also in line with what I’ve heard a lot of other guys say. If it’s under the terms of FWB, it’s all good. But to suck a guy off just because? Eh, not so much from what I’ve been observing but that goes along with the growing angst toward casual sex – period.

Big time sighing over this one. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about this, and I’ve heard a lot of time, both pro and con and… it is what it is. It’s one of those things that I believe continues to drive huge wedges between men and women and one of the complications is that there are a lot of guys who want a woman to suck them off, but they really don’t understand how… not easy that really is because they wouldn’t suck a guy off even if they needed to save their life.

If you make it a problem for a woman to suck you off, guess what she’s not going to do? And that would be her idea of how the problem is defined. Up to and including her having reason to change her mind about it and she has the right to do this at any time and for any reason. It’s not that hard to understand but there are guys who… don’t get it. Guys who insist that women are supposed to always do it and saying no is never an option… but they’re wondering why women won’t suck them off. I had very much wanted to know what it was that (a) made a guy ask me for a blowjob and (b) why women weren’t getting him off like that and, yeah, you go to the source, and I had no problem asking a whole lot of women about sucking dick and what I’d be told… made sense and more so when it was some of the same stuff I would experience when sucking a guy off.

Women have one position on this; men have a very different one. Houston, we have a problem and one that is… unsolvable. There is no resolution to this, no compromises but there is recourse: Get a guy to do it. It’s not like a woman won’t suck a guy off but it… depends on some stuff and I’ve sucked guys off because women/or their woman won’t do it “on demand” and, yeah, sometimes, it’s literally a demand and if she doesn’t comply right away – that “maybe later” thing doesn’t sit well with guys who behave like this – then… someone else will be doing it when they want it done and that someone could be another guy.

But that’s becoming a lot more problematic these days. My protege gets hit maybe 100 times a day with guys wanting to suck him off and I am not exaggerating that number. And he actually rejects them all. He doesn’t have the time; doesn’t feel like being sucked off; doesn’t like how he was approached, the guy isn’t his type, the cocksucker has a really big and scary dick, so on and so forth. He says that if women were more of a mind to suck guys off, there would be less need for men to turn to other men for this and, well, idealistically, he’d be right but the reality, as always, says something really different.

I have had women tell me that they won’t suck a guy off because she doesn’t get anything out of doing it. My first wife rarely sucked me off because she knew that if she did, it was going to be a while before I would be able to fuck her and… I accepted her reasoning and, really, there was no sense or point in arguing it. A lesson learned about such a thing not being just about one person or, in context, a guy wants a woman to suck him off but what is she going to get in return because it’s not just about him and like some guys tend to think. She has to want to and chances are good that she has reasons not to – and some of those reasons might have been given to her by some other guy who made sucking him off a very unpleasant thing for her.

But if she’s not going to do it – and it’s well within her rights not to – it… baffles me why they get totally pissed or get all withdrawn when someone else does it and more so if it was a guy who did it. This isn’t a logic-based kind of thing because it’s an emotional one and if you really want to know why a woman – or your woman – isn’t sucking you off, ask her – she just might tell you if you can convince her that you’re not going rip her head off over what she has to say about it.

And, ladies, if you’re wondering why guys do this to each other or why your guy is or might be considering it, ask him and, preferably, without slicing and dicing him over what he might say. This is a conversation that should be had without emotions being involved and that’s not easy to do. I have heard guys tell their woman, “If you love me, you’ll do it…” and the kind version of their response is, “I love you, but…” and followed by every reason she has for not doing it. Some of them don’t or won’t make sense to some guys but it’s important for him to listen to them and not dismiss them out of hand or get pissy about it.

If you don’t know why a guy would want a full blowjob from a guy – or be the one giving it – um, you might want to rethink what you think you know about men and beginning with… we like having our dicks sucked and made to cum that way. I know that I do and I know I’m not the only one. The difference between myself and most guys is that… I don’t much care if it’s a woman doing it or a guy. I’ll suck a guy off… because (a) I love doing and (s) I am an oral sex fiend of the highest order. It’s sex but, like some women might do, if you keep bugging me about it or acting like I’m at your beck and call, well, guess what I won’t be doing? I do this at and for my pleasure but, then again, I’ve had more than enough experiences giving guys blowjobs to have learned the reasons why I won’t suck a guy off… and just like a lot of women wind up learning but there is a consequence for women and just like there is for men:

If you’re not going to do it, someone else will be more than happy to… and they might be the same sex as you are. Just the fact of the matter even if you are of a mind that it should not ever be the facts of the matter. I’m the guy who has given a lot of women’s men a full blowjob because… they had reason not to. I have sucked off many a guy who couldn’t come close to getting a woman to do it and one guy, believe it or not, who couldn’t get sucked off by a sex worker he was willing to pay for this. Well, that’s what he told me and I had no reason to believe or disbelief him and I did it because he was my idea of a nice guy.

I can’t wait to see how much farther the forum conversation is going to go. The biggest complaint and reason have been the women – wives or girlfriends – who are no longer interesting in having any kind of sex. That’s life. It sucks and never in a good way. Just the way it is. Now such men have choices: Get used to being celibate. Go find another woman who’d do it – but with the understanding that at some point, she’s going to stop sucking you off and… just because. Or go find one of the untold number of men who’d sell their most precious thing in order to suck you off.

It’s not just a sexuality thing – it’s a sex thing. Busting my ass about this doesn’t work – you don’t kill the messenger and I’m the messenger. Telling you what I know and have learned.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 08 January 23, 1555 hours

I’ve often written about guys who lose their nerve or change their mind before taking their first plunge into sex with men or, afterward, they’ve had a change of heart and mind about what just happened but, sometimes, I’ve had guys go through this right in the middle of sex.

One guy, who I’ll call “Jackie,” was hyped to have sex with a guy but as we sat down for the “usual Q&A,” I was getting the sense that, eh, this might not be a good idea for him because a lot of his reasoning had to do with the gay porn he had confessed to watching. There were some guys who confessed to the same thing but didn’t give off the “bad vibe” that Jackie was giving me but I’m all for and about giving anyone a fair chance at this unless they really confirm my feelings.

So I answered his questions, interspersed with a “light” suggestion that he rethink this and that we do not do this now, but he kept saying, “I know” and other things and, well, sometimes, there are some guys who have to find out the hard way. To his credit, he handled the cocksucking quite well and “acquired” the taste. He was excited and bubbly and literally bouncing on the bed and I’m happy for him but also thinking, “So far, so good…” because, next, some fucking was going to happen.

He had the expected problems taking me in his ass but time was taken to achieve penetration, a moment or three to adjust and once he did, oh, my, you would think someone had given him a million dollars and I was having a moment trying to concentrate on fucking him because he had this running dialog going that was hilarious; when I managed to cum in him, he kept saying, “Thank you!” over and over… but we weren’t done yet. Jackie had wanted to “do all of it” for his first time and as we got prepared for him to fuck me, I was thinking that maybe my instincts were wrong about the bad vibe thing.

First, he had a problem getting it in me because he was in a hurry to get it in; he kept poking me everywhere except the place he should have been and even when I reached around to put him there and I was thinking, “How can you keep missing when I’ve put you where you need to be?” Then this happened: He finally slid it in me; he said, “Ooo!” and I said, “Ahh…” because his dick was giving me a nice but comfortable stretch and just as I was settling in, I felt his dick trembling inside of me and then, this happened. As I was thinking, “He’s gonna cum…” he said, “I don’t think I can do this!” and his cock swelled and started heaving cum into me and I use the word literally because his dick was expanding and contracting with seriously strong pulses and to the point that him cumming in me made my ass hurt more than getting him in me did.

He’s… crying throughout his tremendous release and I wanted to ask him, “Why did you wait until you buried your dick in me to decide you couldn’t do this?” but it remained at a thought. He’s in distress and I gotta help him… but I gotta wait for him to stop cumming and pull out and I know that it can seem like a guy is busting a nut for “a really long time” but it really doesn’t take that long but Jackie was proving to be the exception to the rule because when I just moved forward enough to remove him, I could feel even more cum splashing against my cheeks. I wanted to ask him how long it had been since he last ejaculated but he’s in distress and, Jesus, I hate it when I’m right sometimes.

I’m “talking him down” even as a seriously copious amount of cum is flowing out of me. He’s mumbling, begging God for forgiveness and some other things that I couldn’t make out and he’s not hearing me so I… shook him and got right in his face and yelled his name. That got his attention and I was finally able to talk to him and get him calmed down enough to talk about why he changed his mind in that moment; I really wanted to know because I couldn’t remember if something like this had happened to me before; I’d had guys chicken out before the fact and decide that fucking a guy in the ass wasn’t really for them after the fact but, yeah, this one was outside of my experience.

I sat and listened to him apologizing for… cumming as fast as he did. I waved it off and let him know that it wasn’t that big of a deal because it happens. He’s saying that he didn’t know what made him change his mind and I see this is bothering him so I tell him that it’s okay because whatever popped into his head might take a few to straighten out so he can make sense of it. Then he threw up. It’s an extreme physical response to an extreme emotional reaction and I’m really concerned and not happy with myself for not being more… assertive about this not happening but you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

Some cleanup is required; I helped him change the sheets on his bed and was diverting his attention from his plight by regaling him with a few stories about having to bounce a quarter off of my bunk when I was in the military and got him to laugh – a good sign – when I told him about swiping my DI’s quarter after passing the bounce test. I was finally able to ask him, “What happened? You were doing so well until you got it in me!”

“Porn makes it look so enticing,” he began. “I’d heard other guys talking about it and them saying how nice and tight a guy’s hole feels and stuff like that and I just knew that I wanted to fuck a guy’s ass… and I realized when I got it in you that, no, I couldn’t do it because it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. I just realized that once I got it in you, I… didn’t like it as much as I thought I would.”

Oh, okay. Again, I’d heard guys say similar things trying to get it in me and guys who had said that it was good, but it wasn’t what they expected even though I would honestly tell them that they had made it feel good for me. This was different, though but, okay, it made sense that if a guy could change his mind before and after the fact, a guy could change his mind in this moment, too. He was getting a little distressed again so I shifted his attention by asking him, “Can you tell me what you liked or didn’t like where what we’d already done went?”

He could. He said that he loved us sucking each other off and that he had surprised himself by letting me know it was okay to cum in his mouth – and thanked me for warning him – and did I know that my cum tasted good? I told him that, yeah, I knew it because I’d tasted it “quite a few times” and we shared a laugh that, again, was a good sign. Now we’re talking about me fucking him and, yeah, I was right when I had said it was going to hurt and I was right when I’d said that once he got used to it and just breathed normally, it would stop hurting and start feeling good.

“I felt so girly,” he said.

“Most guys do,” I said gently. “Even I feel that way but it’s a weirdly good feeling, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, it is!” he said. “But it felt so… nice and, to be honest, I didn’t expect it do because, well, um, you see those guys in the pornos really going to town fucking a guy…”

“Yeah, I know, but I’ve been of a mind to never do something to a guy that I don’t like having done to me,” I said. “I hate being pounded into the ground and handled roughly so, nope, not doing that to a guy.”

“I liked the blowjob and I liked how you fucked me… but I can’t handle fucking a guy. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Look, there’s nothing to be sorry about, okay?” I said and asked. “Until you actually do it, it all looks… glamours. Seriously exciting and all that. It’s not a given that a guy can fuck a guy and especially as a first-time experience because it’s kinda not as easy as it looks but, sometimes, guys find this out the hard way.”

“You did try to tell me,” he said.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “I dunno… maybe this would have gone better for you if you had taken a little more time to think about things? And just because it didn’t… go well for you this time, that doesn’t mean that if you choose to try it again – and I mean down the road a piece – things will be different because you’ve had this experience to reflect on so you can adjust somethings in your mind.”

“I’m just not happy because I didn’t make it good for you,” he said.

“You can stop that shit right now,” I said. “You got it in me, and you came in me – and you had to been saving that up for a while! – and you might not have done what you were thinking about but you did do what I wanted you to do so get it out of your head that you didn’t make it good for me. Shit, I can still feel your cum oozing out of me!”

Jackie had had a very bad moment that could have been worse because he thought that he could do something he really wanted to do and… he couldn’t. I would say that “ideally,” a guy wants to find this out before the fact and that, again, some guys find this out after the fact, but he had this hit him mere seconds after burying his bone in me and, well, he wasn’t the only one who learned something that day. We went for it again the following week and… he couldn’t fuck me. Got it in and the dynamite went boom the moment he got fully seated in me and, wow, whew, could he bust a nut or what? He didn’t cum like this when we had sucked each other off and I felt that there was… something to this that might have lent itself to his difficulties – I’d have to really think about this one, but my “investigation” was inconclusive.

Other than what he’d told me, I never figured out why he got so distressed in that exact moment, but I took some “solace” in knowing that my instincts were… mostly right about him. The “bad vibe” I was feeling did get worse when we were talking about the pros and cons of fucking a guy in the ass and he was… too eager? I couldn’t quite put a finger on what was making me feel this way, but I was “sure” that the whole anal sex thing, for him, was something he might not want to do right out of the gate. He could handle being fucked but maybe being the one doing the fucking just wasn’t… for him.

I’d seen him maybe a couple of weeks after our second time together and he said that he had tried the same things with another guy and, nope, couldn’t fuck him. He even said that he’d gotten a woman to agree to anal sex and… couldn’t fuck her in the ass. Both times, he got it in and came immediately and I did give some thought to the fact that some guys can’t do this because there’s a… natural revulsion about sticking your dick in a hole that it’s “not supposed” to get anywhere near and, yes, it’s one that I’ve felt every time I’ve fucked someone in the ass… but I learned to ignore it. I can neither confirm nor deny that this was the source of his distress but it’s… plausible.

Sigh. Sex with a guy, for some guys, sounds better “on paper” and not so much when it’s time to actually do it. It looks “better” when you’re watching porn and have gotten a lot of guys thinking that, yeah, that might be fun but when it’s time to do it, uh-oh. Some guys work through whatever they’ve learned isn’t “as easy” as they thought it would be or they find out that it’s “harder than they expected” or as I told them it could be. It’s… not that easy to have sex with a guy. Some things are easier than others and, no, I’m not being Captain Obvious about that because that’s what a lot of guys do, in fact, learn… and the hard way. A guy comes to me about his first time, and I don’t sugar coat it; I will tell him what’s good and bad about it; I will tell him how I’ve personally seen guys react from sucking dick to fucking and the good and the bad of it.

Because it’s always better to make an informed decision and I’d heard some horror stories about guys going into this and the other guy not being… all that forthcoming about what could go wrong and, to me, that’s… irresponsible. I’ve heard horror stories about guys being left hanging with any problems they encountered because the guy who played a part in those problems… don’t want to hear about them and don’t want to discuss them and this, too, is irresponsible and heinous, in my own opinion.

And if I get the slightest “whiff” that a guy might not handle something, I’ll do my best to talk him out of it. Let’s not do this now – if the “plan” is for us to do it – or, if he’s got another guy in mind, don’t just jump into it. Think about it before you and, yes, take what I’ve told you to heart and more so when you gotta know that I know this because I’ve experienced it and have seen guys lose it and not so much in a good way too many times to be bullshitting about it.

I want a guy’s first time to be a damned good one. I want him to go away from the experience feeling good about what he did and himself, too. Jackie’s experience was something I’d never seen before; I was used to guys cumming in me, refraction shows up to kick the shit out of him and, ew, no, let’s not do that again but he had this moment just before he busted one hell of a nut in me and, honestly, I had never had a guy make my ass hurt by cumming and I gotta say that it was pretty intense and… rather nice.

We both learned some stuff that day. I’d readjusted my thinking about first time distress – it doesn’t always happen before or afterward and… noted. Another thing for me to look out for in a first-time experience for someone. Because I have… a responsibility to making sure that a guy is making the right decision for himself in these things and more so when that didn’t happen for me but, um, it all turned out well anyway.

Guys have sex with each other but it’s not a “no-brainer.” We do think about it. We have to. For that first experience, a lot of guys find that it might be all that when they’re thinking about it but doing it, well, a whole different critter and it can get seriously real and even in the moment when both guys get undressed. There’s no avoiding a bad moment because you won’t know it’s bad until it becomes bad and it’s a lot more normal than one might think.

Now it becomes a matter of damage control, and it is necessary; I just didn’t think that I would find myself in a damage control mode with Jackie’s dick buried in me and he’s cumming and like I hadn’t felt before, let alone him being in that exact moment and deciding that, nope, he couldn’t do it. And now I know that it can happen like that.

And now y’all know it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 06 January 23, 1327 hours

One of the things that tends to tickle me is when us guys on the forum get to talk about… swallowing cum. Expressions that are beyond warm, salty, sweet, sour or bitter or having little or no taste at all. Some guys get pretty creative with their words and sometimes, um, not so much and some get pretty close to being pornographic with their descriptions of taking a load in their mouth and tasting it and not too dissimilar from how sommeliers go about tasting wines.

I’ve tasted a lot of cum. Definitely warm and all across the spectrum of taste – salty (usually), sweet (a close second), sour, (ugh), and bitter (shit, I should have spit it out) and… that’s about the size of it. I would learn how what we eat and drink as well as any other changes to our body chemistry can affect the taste of our cum and… good to know. Explained some stuff and especially how I could suck a guy off and he’s saltier than the ocean and suck him off later and now it’s sweet or bland or anything other than being salty enough to raise blood pressures.

And learning that having cum in your mouth isn’t all about the way it tastes and how to avoid most or all of it – tricks of the cum-swallowing trade that I think those who swallow cum gets around to figuring out. A lot of the guys on the forum who suck dick and swallow seems to… worship the guy who delivered the load; they see his cum as a gift or a reward for the hard work they put in so that the giver could, in fact, cum.

I don’t knock such sentiments, but I’ve always been… literal-minded about the taste of cum. It either tasted good or it didn’t; there was a lot of it, a whole lot of it, or not all that much. Warm, salty, sweet, sour, bitter; thick as glue or really watery in consistency as well as somewhere between these two “extremes.” Suffice it to say that I not only like cum in my mouth, but I also like swallowing it and some really “weird” stuff has to happen to make me not swallow it.

When I was actively writing erotica, one of the problems I had was writing about the moment a character got a mouthful of cum and then the character describing everything that went on in their mind in that very seminal moment and… I had to make myself be… creative in those descriptions and not all that different from what I’d read in porn which was usually “hot and salty” more than anything else. Being a science nerd and learning some stuff about this, cum is usually dispensed at the giver’s body temperature and, well, okay, 98.6 or thereabouts is, I guess, technically hot but unless there’s a “huge” difference between his body temperature and mine, um, his cum is… warm. Or if my temperature is elevated because of the sex – and it’s been known to, I’ve taken that initial shot and… it’s not all that warm but, again, science shit that no one is interested in or pays attention to.

The highlight of sucking a man’s cock is… to make him give up the cum and, potentially, swallowing it. I’ve been asked why it’s “so important” to swallow it and… I don’t have an answer. I just know that it is. We determined the goodness or badness of a blowjob based on a couple of things: Did cum go in the mouth and did it get swallowed. If neither thing took place, many say that the blowjob wasn’t all that great but what some don’t talk about all that often is the possibility of a blowjob being deemed as bad… because of taste and consistency. There are many who say that if the cum doesn’t go directly into their mouth, well, that’s not good eats and pulling away and jerking off and giving facials or just spewing all over the place defeats the purpose of sucking dick.

Sometimes, taste is a secondary concern because the primary concern is getting the cum in your mouth. I know that this carries so much importance that, sometimes, I’m not immediately aware of how it tasted and… it tastes like what it tastes like. If anything has bothered me the most, it’s consistency – thin and watery cum, yuck, it’s just not fun to swallow and it tends to have a lot of bitter notes to it if not downright sour and, yuck. Shit, I should have spit it out but it’s easy to say this after it’s already been swallowed. It’s not just about the taste or swallowing it but it’s also about the exact moment the guy starts to cum and, yeah, guys often use a lot of artist creativity describing that moment and many appellations on how his cum tasted and like it’s the nectar of the gods and it was thick and heavy and, lions, tigers, and bears – oh my!

Sometimes, I think we romanticize swallowing cum and for reasons I don’t pretend to understand but I know about it because I’ve read and heard it a lot and almost as if the guys who do and say these things are trying to… pretty-up something that, well, um, sheesh, might not really be all that pretty when you think about what’s going in your mouth and all that. Don’t hold me to this, okay? I’m kinda talking about what I seen guys write and what I’ve heard them say because if you ask me what it’s like to swallow cum – and what it tastes like, well, go back and read the second sentence in this scribble. And, lest I forget, sometimes I’ve swallowed a guy’s cum and never tasted it… because my nose got all stuffy during the sucking; I can feel it in my mouth and that’s about it.

It either tastes good or it doesn’t and that is based solely upon what the person who is tasting it has to say about it. I’ve been asked, “Well, if it doesn’t taste all that good, why swallow it?” and it’s a legitimate question and one that… I really don’t know the answer to. It has been permanently etched in my mind that if I suck a guy’s dick, I’m swallowing him cum unless the taste of it is hideous or those occasions where I want to see him cumming. Otherwise, it’s going in my mouth and I’m swallowing it because… I don’t know what follows the “because.” It’s… not about the taste – it’s about being able to do it and in the face of all the “bad press” swallowing cum has gotten.

Back in the day, if you wanted to start a fight with a guy, call him a cocksucker and find out what happens but, worse, call him a “scum sucker” – which implies that the guy being offended not only sucks dick but swallows cum – and let the violence begin. Not even going to really get into it being a very gay thing to do as well as something that women have lent their… disapproval of and for the reasons they do. I would learn that one of the reasons why a guy would let another guy blow him is that the guy doing the blowing is going to suck the guy off and… swallow his cum. It was “decreed” to be a given but, of course, not really but this decree was usually “confirmed” by the many guys who sucked dick and swallowed cum and as a matter of course… and that included me as well.

The shot fired in the war between men and women was that guys would do what women wouldn’t: Swallow that nut and then not utter a single word of complaint about it. But why swallow it? Um, because. And to the point and extent that there are guys who want to know how to make their cum taste better or how men – in general – can make their cum taste, well, like the ambrosia a lot of guys say it is to them.

I remember the conversation about whether swallowing cum was about the taste of something else and it was a spirited conversation with guys waxing poetic and pornographic and preferring heavy cummers and getting facials, the size of dick their prefer to suck – read this as the bigger, the better – and not really talking about taste in terms of the actual taste sensations but some did mention either sweet or salty “briefly” before launching into a description about how it feels when the guy’s prick is pumping in the goods and, really, it’s all good information and especially for those guys who have yet to experience what it’s like to suck a guy off and get that mouthful of… goo.

I remember way back when I first started blogging and having quite a few conversations with another blogger about sucking dick, swallowing cum and his rather misogynistic view of women and why they don’t (a) suck dick and/or (b) swallow cum. One of the things we talked about was… taste. I had opined that if any man was wondering why a woman wouldn’t suck him off, well, there’s a couple of things they could do to find out. The first was to suck a dick. The next suggestion was to jerk off and taste their own cum… and see if they can actually do it and if they can, I could guarantee that they would find out what their spunk tasted like and how it felt in their mouth and armed with this information, well, maybe now you know why she won’t suck you off or, specific to the conversation, why women weren’t sucking him off and his misguided insistence that women had to do this.

He said that he had tasted his own stuff but, honestly? I didn’t really believe him. More so when I ask him to tell me what his stuff tasted like to him and he… tap-danced all around having to answer. Whatever. In the situations where I’ve had guys bitching and complaining about women not sucking them off, well, I happen to know some of the reasons why and one point of failure is the taste and consistency of cum and let’s not forget all the shit she has to go through in order to get him to cum and since a lot of women have been traumatized by cum in their mouth because some dude promised that he wouldn’t and/or would warn her and… he didn’t – sucking a guy off as a “matter of course” might not ever be on her list of favorite things to do and I don’t know about other guys but I know it doesn’t feel good to be told that your cum… didn’t taste good. Or it tasted “funny.”

One of the reasons why those wannabe cocksuckers are still sitting on the bench is because they don’t know what a guy’s cum is going to taste like and all because it’s been deemed to be an acquired taste and the horror stories that abound and told by those who couldn’t acquire it. It tastes nasty. Plain and simple. Not really the truth and, again, it’s not just about how it tastes but it’s easier to condemn the whole thing under the “nasty” tag than it is to be specific about what made it “nasty” for them. There is an element of instilled fear going on but, really, if you want to know, there are two sure-fire ways to find out.

Suck a guy off and learn some shit about doing it. Or jerk yourself off and gird your loins to be able to taste it. Shit, we even have debates about whether it’s better to get the cum right out of the pipeline or to, say, put in a shot glass and consume it later or “snowballing” with someone after the cum has been deposited in someone’s mouth. One of the things I learned – and because I got into tasting my own cum – is that once it starts to cool, everything changes from taste to consistency and it’s just my opinion that it doesn’t taste all that good once it cools to ambient temperature. There’s an… inherent problem when it comes to tasting your own cum: The refractive period of sex. The given that when we cum, we immediately lose all interest in having sex and guys who want to eat their own cum are always asking how to do it when you feel like doing anything other than this.

I tell them that the best way to “avoid” this problem is to get your fingers in your mouth immediately because if you wait until you’re finished, um, chances are good that you won’t be able to do it and, yeah, I found this out “the hard way” and it does take some… effort to lick it all up and swallow it once that period – and inescapable period – slams down on you with varying degrees of hardness. But, if you manage to do it, now you know what yours tastes and feels like in your mouth… and it may or may not be representative of what another guy’s cum is going to taste and feel like but, again, if you really want to know…

Well, you could follow this link: https://www.drelist.com/blog/composition-of-human-semen/ if, by chance, you’re interested in the composition of the stuff going into your mouth. I found it… interesting to see it mentioned that it can smell and taste like chlorine and, hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever noticed this, but I know that cum can… smell bad and just might taste worse than it smells… except, if it’s in my mouth, I’m not smelling it so much, but I’ve felt that once it comes into contact with air, well, hmm. In porn, yeah, you can see a guy cum and it’s all over the place and someone is eagerly licking it off of them and that, too, can affect the taste of it since you’re tasting his cum and his skin and, honestly, I don’t know how people put it in a glass and partake of it that way but they do and they prefer to swallow cum this way rather than to have a guy pumping it directly into their mouth and… I really don’t know why and it’s not because I wouldn’t do it like that except that it’s their preference.

I think we make a “big deal” out of the taste; it’s going to taste like whatever it’s going to taste like. It takes… an effort of will to swallow cum and it’s weird because it’s not like you’re not going to know what could happen when you suck his dick long enough and/or in just the right way and… he’s going to cum and once he starts, there’s no stopping it and, by the way, while it’s considered to be polite to warn the person, it doesn’t always happen but if you’re really into sucking dick, you can tell that he’s on his way to cutting loose in your mouth. Your choices are to allow the cum in your mouth – and finding out what it tastes and feels like – and swallow it; you can spit it out or just let it dribble out of your mouth, or if he warns you or you feel the signs, just get away from the dick and “enjoy the show.”

You don’t have to taste or swallow it if you don’t want to but guys are… funny about this. I have come across so many men who are of a mind that if I’m sucking their dick, I have to swallow his spunk. It’s non-negotiable and in the times when his shit didn’t taste all that sporty to me, I’ve not swallowed it or just didn’t let any more of it get into my mouth and… they’ve been quite miffed about that and they definitely didn’t like hearing why I didn’t swallow it and like I was “supposed to.”

Because we “know” that if you’re a guy and you suck dick, you also swallow cum. I have heard guys declare that if you don’t, you’re not really a cocksucker. I have been sucked by guys who haven’t acquired the taste or they’re just afraid of it for some reason or they’ve finished me off with their hand – which is allowable, by the way – and once I’ve shot my load, they’ll for it then or not at all.

Those who do not suck dick, well, this is some stuff that you might have heard about, but you don’t really know because you don’t suck dick. I can tell you with a great deal of certainty that all men who suck dick don’t always swallow which defies the perception that all male cocksuckers swallow and as that matter of course. I’ve felt that 8 out of 10 times, I’m swallowing it and the 2 times I won’t is because his stuff doesn’t taste or feel good in my mouth and… I just want to watch him cum and as far as this particular thing goes, I’ll finish him with my hand because I’ve put in a great deal of work to get him to cum and… I have eventually gotten tired of sucking him… and that’s doing something.

We talk about the taste and in some interesting ways. I’m… old school about it. If I agree to suck you off, I’m swallowing the cum because… that’s the way it is. I do not know why that’s the way it is. I like doing it. There’s a sense of… accomplishment; there’s a certain rush of pleasure to be felt when he’s about to cum and then… he cums. Ahh. Gulping it down quickly or having to play catch-up and getting chipmunk cheeks for a moment and having to mix it with saliva to make it go down easier. Whatever it takes to swallow it and savoring the taste isn’t a “major” aspect because I know that it’s going to taste like whatever it’s going to taste like and it’s going to be salty, sweet, sour, bitter, thick, not all that thick, or just outright watery. Oh, and factoring in pH levels, it might give me the runs after I swallow it… and that’s just one of those occupational hazards involved and, thankfully, any time that has happened, a toilet has been close by.

Critiquing the taste, at least for me, is an… afterthought. I’ve had guys ask me what their spunk tasted like and… I had to learn to be able to do that and to not be afraid to let him know that it didn’t taste all that good, but I swallowed it anyway. Most of the time. I’ve never romanticized the actual taste, but I’ve “analyzed” it many times and the short version is that it either tastes good or it doesn’t. It either feels good in my mouth or it doesn’t. It can taste good and feel yucky and it might or does not taste so hot and feel rather nice and it can taste and feel good: It’s going to be whatever it’s going to be. There’s always that moment where I decide to swallow it or not and I usually do because while there are guys who will determine that I gave them a bad blowjob by not swallowing it, I have felt that I didn’t give them the best blowjob I could give if I don’t… and I used to get pissed when I’d suck a guy and there was no cum forthcoming.

And the last thing I want to hear out of a guy is that I gave him a bad blowjob. Okay, the truth is that I learned to not give a fuck if a guy told me this because from where I’m positioned, I sucked the dick and swallowed the cum and I had fun doing it and if he didn’t, oh, well. Then again, I don’t suck dick to make him happy and as a primary focus and reason for sucking him. Yes, I want him to enjoy what I’m doing but I have learned that you can’t please everyone and now it’s about what good things can be taken away from the experience and… I got to suck that dick, make him cum, and swallow it.

Because… I don’t know or, likely, can’t explain why swallowing it is so damned important other than to start getting… mystical about it and like I’ve seen and heard some guys do. You suck dick, you swallow the cum unless there’s some fucking to take place and other than bad tasting cum, that’s the only “exception to the rule” and I’ll be damned if I know why the rule exists. I just know it does and just like I know that for a great many men, taste is important because it has to be acquired. I don’t know about other guys or gals but a man’s cum is an easier taste to acquire than, say, liver and onions. I’ll swallow a “bad tasting” load before I’ll let liver and onions touch my lips and there’s some other stuff that falls into this category but… is the taste of cum really that important?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask me what it tastes like and expect some… flowery kind of stuff, you’re going to be disappointed. It tastes whatever it’s going to taste like, and it can change and depending on what the guy you’re sucking off has been putting into his body. I sucked off a guy who was taking Vitamin B-12 and, holy shit. “Ew” didn’t even come close to describing how his cum tasted and I recognized the taste right about because I had to take it a couple of times and that is one nasty tasty pill but it was already in my mouth and… I swallowed it. Drank a lot of water after the fact and even drank a beer to get that Vitamin B-12 taste out of my mouth and… I just dealt with it. The highlights were that he let me suck his dick, I did a good enough job to make him cum (and holler for someone to save him, heh, heh) and I finished the job by swallowing his cum despite tasting Vitamin B-12. He was made happy, and I had fun sucking him off, which was incentive for him to suck me off. A win/win if I ever heard of one. He did mention a “sweetness” to my cum that he couldn’t put his finger on, but it made me feel… good to know that my cum tasted good to him.

I just get tickled reading what my fellow forum members have to say about the taste of cum.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 02 January 23

Cocksucking. For guys, is it a kink or it is really being oriented as a bisexual? Bisexuality has been seen as… kinky more than a real-deal sexual orientation and a way to live your life.

Guys are… funny. I’ve seen guys suck dick as a dare or the terms of a bet; I have seen them in various states of intoxication and do it but when sober, they wouldn’t even think about doing such a thing and, yeah, blame it on the alcohol in a hurry. I’ve seen guys do it because they’re curious – what’s it like and especially what’s the deal with having cum in your mouth. I’ve seen guys do it because they’re at the wit’s end and in very desperate need of sex and willing to do whatever it takes so they can bust a nut and if that means sucking dick, so be it.

Just don’t tell anyone that I did this, okay? One of the topics that shows up at times on the forum is if a straight guy sucks a dick, does that mean he’s really bi or is he still straight – and as he’s likely to insist that he is? Straight guys are… funny. I have seen them agree to some cocksucking with the caveat that as long as the cum doesn’t wind up in their mouth – or on them anywhere – then it’s not gay. I have seen guys suck dick, swallow cum, say it wasn’t that bad… then say that it’s not something that they’d do all of the time which is code for “I’m not gay!”

I’ve been in threesomes with another guy who, before the fact, made it very clear that there will be no contact whatsoever between the two of us and… he’s sucking my dick and because, “Well, it was there, so…”

For some, sucking dick is a kinky way to have sex. Just boys being boys. Sometimes being bored silly and being horny and, well, shit, it’s better than jerking off although I have seen cocksucking happen even though it was agreed that we’d just masturbate ourselves which has devolved into jerking each other and… now the guy is sucking my dick and after saying “fuck it” to himself or in a way that I’ve heard him say it.

What does it mean? All it really means is that he sucked a dick. With or without cum as well as with or without reciprocation. Doesn’t really mean that he’s bi although it’s not unreasonable to say that he is when, very likely, he spends the majority of his time having sex with women. A 2 on the Kinsey scale. If and when the opportunity presents itself and there’s no other “alternative,” which is code for getting some pussy right then and there.

The reality is that it can be a kinky thing to do. Or it’s part and parcel of living a life as a card-carrying bisexual man. Like, I can be kinky… but that’s not because I’m bisexual and that’s because I’ve never seen my being bisexual as a kink. It’s what I am, it’s how I have lived my life over the decades to date. We’ve… determined that it’s now a very masculine thing to suck a dick, which is a great departure of how this was looked at when I was growing up. Indeed, there are guys who say that if you don’t suck dick, you might not be as manly as you think you are.

Yes, I have learned that it does take some seriously and manly intestinal fortitude for a guy to wrap his mouth around another man’s dick. It’s not as scary as taking a dick in the ass but this is right up there because, oddly, guys don’t seem to know what’s going to happen. Or they do. Shit. That urge to have sex with a guy can just show up and “for no good reason.” It’s saying, “You need to suck a dick and now is better than later and later is better than not at all… so get it done. I’ll be here waiting for you to do it and cheering you on until you do!”

I’ve known guys who were more afraid to eat pussy than they were to suck a dick. Guys who consistently refuse to eat pussy, but they’ll suck a dick without giving it a second thought. It’s just sex. It’s a blowjob. Not really that big of a deal and, importantly, doesn’t mean anything other than that… even though we – men – know that gay men are famous/infamous cocksuckers and some so good at it that it makes female cocksuckers look like they don’t know how to do it. Methinks there came a point where men “started to really understand” that you don’t have to be gay to suck dick or, as I maintain, all you have to do is… want to do it. For whatever reason works.

But does it really mean that he’s now bisexual? Yes, it’s the sex but bisexuality is more than that. It’s a… feel. I’m not sure if I can really describe it but I’ll try but I expect to fail any second now. It’s… you look at a guy and… you’re really looking at him. You feel that… pull and can get you thinking that if the two of you were to have sex, it wouldn’t be all that bad. I know some guys have gotten… curious by watching straight porn and seeing women blowing guys and they realize that they’re not really watching her but looking at the dick she’s sucking and it either “triggers” them or it doesn’t… or it doesn’t “right now” but this has been known to “sneak up” on a guy and when he least expects it and, indeed, guys who have been straight “all of their lives” never expect this to show up.

I’ve found that some guys really do wake up one morning and decide that today’s a good day to suck a dick… and wondering why they’re thinking this. There is a slew of men who’ll tell you in a hurry that they are not attracted to men – and do read this as not being attracted to men like they’re attracted to women – but they suck dick. What they either don’t realize or don’t want to admit is that they are, in fact, attracted – just sexually. Quite the shock to find out that attraction can also include other men and, yes, I don’t look at guys and get all weak in the knees and swooning over them but if they want their dick sucked, okay, but I had to get a grip on the fact that I am sexually attracted to men and other things about them that has nothing to do with their appearance.

But I’m bisexual. Living it and I wouldn’t want to be just straight or just gay because it doesn’t work for me. For some guys, sucking a dick is… kinky fun. Not something they’d normally do. With the right guy in the right place and moment. Sometimes just for the hell of it. It wouldn’t be unusual for a guy to question his sexuality after he’s sucked a dick for the first time or before the fact if this has been running around in his head and just “bugging” the shit out of him and, nope, it never really goes away. I have learned that frequency doesn’t mean a damned thing. I would say that a guy who has sex with women primarily but occasionally sucks dick is… bisexual and with emphasis on the sexual part. It’s… kinky.

Guys are… funny. Not really of a mind to be romantically involved with another guy but if they could find that one guy they could suck, well, that would be… nice. A lot of guys are looking for that FWB suck buddy they can satisfy their urge to suck dick with and revel in it – and even if they’re still getting pussy which, in my book, makes the bisexual… but, eh, kinda not really but this is the part of the program where things get… subjective. A straight guy sucked my dick and insisted before the fact that he’s really straight but he always wanted to know what it was like. After the fact, he said the “usual” stuff I’ve gotten used to hearing but insisted that he’s still straight. What he said defies what he did, right? Now you know why I say that while actions speak louder than words, they don’t where this very thing is concerned.

Bisexual is… what you think you are. It’s how you feel. Anyone of any chosen sexuality can suck a dick and have fun doing it but, as I’ve mentioned too many times, we get more focused on who than what and the “what” is…the art of fellatio. The sex of it. The “common sense” thing that says if you have sex with both men and women – and when you have sex with someone is of no real consequence – then, you’re bisexual. I’ve heard guys say that they aren’t because they’re not into fucking and I’ve asked, “What does that have to do with anything?”

Because it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that we just spent some time sucking each other off. I’ve witnessed bisexuality as a kink and as a way of life. Now it’s eye of the beholder stuff, what you think sucking dick means to you and we tend to fiercely defend what we think about ourselves so if “Dan” sucked a dick but says that he’s still straight, then he’s what he says he is. I… would beg to differ and based upon some… stuff I might become aware of but for a lot of guys who find themselves giving a blowjob, it’s… kinky. No discernable “push” to crave having sex with a guy but, eh, it’s a blowjob and a lot of guys are of the mind that if I suck your dick, you’ll suck mine, and… let’s keep this on the downlow, okay?

Because there aren’t a lot of guys who suck dick who’d want to be tagged as… being gay. Not bisexual and, yep, there are male cocksuckers who aren’t a fan of having the bisexual label affixed to them and say that it’s irrelevant and there is no debating this with them even though, um, they’re quacking like the cocksucking duck they admit to being.

It’s not what they do – it’s what they say. It makes a difference where this being a kinky thing to do, or a real-deal sexual orientation is concerned. It’s not what I think. I… don’t actually “care” if a guy is blowing me because it’s kinky or he’s a real-deal bisexual… but he’s blowing me, I’m definitely going to be blowing him and… it’s all good. It’s… not a sexuality thing – it’s a sex thing but well within one’s own personal purview. Still, there are times when one discovers a kink, finds it to their liking and it becomes a regular part of their sexual behavior and it’s still often debated about whether oral sex is really sex and just a method of foreplay and a prelude to actual intercourse – and as it’s defined.

If a guy’s fucking his dick in and out of my mouth, I’m thinking he’s having intercourse with my mouth. Just saying. At the end of the day, it’s either a kink or this is how you are as a person and more so when I know bisexual men who do not suck dick. Personal preferences. Situational and conditional. Most likely considered to be kinky because it’s something one doesn’t do all that often unless everything lines up the right way and, yeah, boy, it’s pretty kinky to suck a guy off since guys ain’t supposed to in the first place and that, all by itself, can be quite the kinky thrill.

Interesting, huh? I thought so. Anyone can suck dick, and all is needed is wanting to – but you still gotta find a willing “victim” you can unleash your oral desires upon. It’s a sexual act that has forever been associated with homosexual men and something that “only women” are allowed to do. We… believe this lie of omission because, again, you don’t have to be gay or female to suck a guy’s dick and, yeah, not every woman who eat pussy is a lesbian. Whether one can remain straight after performing this rather exciting and delicious – and very intimate act – is… eye of the beholder stuff. It’s what you think of yourself before, during, and after the fact. I remember reading somewhere that a lot of guys are “incidentally bisexual” and, at first, I scoffed at the notion because either you’re bi or you aren’t but, hmm, there’s… precedence for this and, um, yeah, I was all up in such a moment and the reason why some men said it wasn’t bad – but it wasn’t something they’d do all of the time – and some guys got totally and completely hooked on it and they couldn’t suck enough dick to keep them happy. I don’t think it’s really a kink or a bisexual thing when a guy sucks dick once and never does it again. Might be a little kinky but he might not have been looking at it like that.

It could still be just a kink to them. Or a lot more than that. It. Depends. It’s not when you might do it, but it is about the fact that if given the opportunity, you would do it. Even if you do it, say, five years from the first/last time you did. Guys are… funny. It’s who, what, where, when, and how but when you ask them about the why of it, well, that could be fun to listen to and the ones that have secretly kept me in stitches are the guys who have sucked me and said that they didn’t know why they did it.

I know why. Because you wanted to; maybe even felt “compelled” to and contrary to how you see yourself as sexual person. Like that one guy said, “It was right there, so…” That “Fuck it…” moment I’ve heard for myself from guy who might not have been of a mind to suck dick before all of this got started but, here he is and… fuck it. Might as well. Some guys won’t suck dick because they’re afraid that they’re going to like it and it translates to being gay.

It doesn’t. All it means is that you tried it and liked it and maybe you can’t wait to do it again. Kinky… or more than that? All depends on what the guy in question thinks and it can be complicated because I do know bi guy who do it all… and they’ll tell you that they’re not really bisexual.

Go figure. We are more likely to fuss over the word than we are the act; not what I did but what I said and, well, I’ve never been “that guy.” I sucked his dick because I am bisexual and a very avid cocksucker. No doubt in my mind at all. But that’s me and other guys can be… funny.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 29 December 22

“John” was one of those guys who was smart, fun to be around and because of his weight, a guy that women didn’t want to have anything to do with. He had gotten my attention one day while I was having lunch at McDonald’s and overheard some women talking about him and in some very unkind terms. The place was crowded and seats were limited and he was just standing there turning in circles looking for a place to sit and this – and on top of what those women were saying about him – got me to invite him to sit in the booth with me.

That chance encounter allowed us to become friends, which made me privy to his lack of a sex life and often bemoaning the metabolic disorder he was born with that had him – in his own words – “fat and chunky” all of his life and nothing he did would get him to drop no more than a few pounds. One day, when I’d met him for lunch, he said, “Women dislike me so much that whores would pay me not to have sex with them!” He had laughed but I didn’t find his self-depreciation funny but, yeah, I could easily see why he wasn’t getting laid and I felt so badly for him.

That same day, he had asked that if I couldn’t have sex with women, would I consider sex with men and… I didn’t exactly lie to him, but I told him that, sure, I’d consider it with the right guy and someone who was as friendly, smart, etc., as he was. I suspected that he had asked the question for a reason, and I didn’t have to wait long to find out what that reason was because his next question was, “Would you be offended if I said that I wanted to have sex with you?”

And I truthfully said that I wouldn’t be offended which led to me telling him that having sex with guys was something I was very much used to. I felt okay with outing myself to him and I had, in that moment, decided that if he “officially” asked if we could have sex, I was going to say yes. I had a moment to wonder if my answer meant that I’d have “mercy sex” with him and, in part, it was true but I really did like him so if I was really a good friend to him, sure – I’d sleep with him because what are friends for?

He did officially ask and I officially accepted his offer but he felt it necessary to let me know how small his dick was and pointed to it being another reason why he couldn’t get women to sleep with him – and was rarely able to find a guy to sleep with. We both had to get back to work but I promised to call him later so we could finish our conversation and I kept that promise, calling him after work and we were on the phone for hours as we talked about how we got into having sex with guys. I understood what was up with his story; he was the fat kid that could easily be talked into having sex by other guys – and because girls were turning their noses up at him. He felt that it was… better than nothing but he was telling me how the guys he grew up around were using and humiliating him at every turn and saying that he wasn’t man enough to do what real men could do so he wound up being the go-to cocksucker and the guy who would take it in the ass without question.

His story pissed me off because no one should be treated like that, but his story also resonated with me because I knew some guys like him that guys desperate to get off would seek them out and just use them with any care or consideration whatsoever. After our “story-telling moment,” we made plans to meet at his place on Saturday and I let him know that I was very much looking forward to the two of us having sex… and I meant every word of it. I’d let my wife know what was up and told her a little of John’s story and she said that I should have sex with him to let him know that he’s more than just some guy’s plaything and that I should let her know how things went (and as per our agreement).

Saturday comes and finds me ringing his doorbell; I was nervous and not really and I was laughing quietly to myself before he answered the door and invited me in. He offered me coffee, which I accepted and we sat and talked about “a lot of nothing” before we got to that moment known as the pregnant pause and it is so awkward! He broke the pause by saying, “Look, if you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand…” and… I wanted to slap him silly but resisted the urge and said, “You bet your ass we’re going to do this so if you’re ready, I am ready.”

We had agreed to suck each other off and as a way to, as he put it, make our sexual acquaintance and I had said that this was fine because I loved to suck dick. There was nothing left but to get things started; he led me to his bedroom and he was hesitant about getting undressed in front of me so I took that bit of “fear” from him by first getting out of my clothes then going right to him and stripping him down bare and, yes, I noticed two things about his dick. The first was that he was very much erect and if I had to guess, no more than five inches. The second thing I noticed that he was right on the money about how he had described his dick: It looked like a golf ball on top of a thin stick. The head of his dick was, even to me, freakishly big but in the classic “Darth Vader helmet” way and I knew that sucking him was going to be… interesting.

He had started to say something I knew was going to be self-deprecating and I wasn’t having any of that; I kinda gently pushed him onto the bed and went right down on him and his knob filled my mouth but I wasn’t about to let the size of it deter me and I spent some time licking and sucking it and decided to take him deep… and had a moment of panic when I felt his knob get “stuck” in the back of my throat but I fought off the feeling and relaxed and the last inch of him vanished into my mouth... and I got to work on him and, I would think later, in a way he didn’t expect. I didn’t think he was going to last very long since he had told me that he hadn’t had sex in almost a year and even though I was kinda/sorta taking my time, once he started fucking into my mouth, yeah, he wasn’t going to last and I really didn’t want him to.

I almost panicked again when he came. You wanna talk about him saving it up for a long time? Double that and you might be able to imagine and understand how and why I had… a problem swallowing his cum. There was a hell of a lot of it and I was determined to not let a single drop of it get away from me but I was starting to wonder if he was going to stop any time this century. As he came, he tried to get away from me and, oh, hell, no! I held onto him all through his great release until I felt him start to soften and didn’t let him out of my mouth until he was totally soft. I sat up and stretched the kinks out and when I turned to ask him if he was okay, he surprised me by grabbing my face and planting a kiss on my lips and, oh, my God.

His lips were soft; his tongue felt amazing in my mouth and was just as “soft” and just like the lips and tongues of a lot of women I’d kissed. I’m… not a fan of kissing guys because, as a lot of women say, guys are lousy kissers but not John. I fell into the kiss and let him take my breath away for what seemed to be a very long time before the kiss broke and he said – with tear in his eyes – “Thank you; it’s been a long time since someone wanted to give me head and, man, you are seriously good at it!”

I… didn’t have anything to say other than, “You’re welcome.” Even if I did have something more to say, I didn’t get a chance to because he put a hand on my chest and gently shoved me onto my back and I “panicked” because if his lips and tongue felt that damned amazing when he kissed me, it was going to be hellified to feel him sucking me. He kissed me again; started working on my neck and it was driving me insane with lust. He sucked my nipples and so soft and gentle that he almost made me cum just by doing that and the only reason why I didn’t was because I told him to let me up for a moment so I could get more comfortable. Once I settled back in, John got to working on my dick and… Jesus keep me near the cross. To say he was masterful was an understatement; if I had any doubt that he wasn’t telling me the truth about being a cocksucker, those doubts would have gone right out the window.

And getting away from him wasn’t going to be an option as he draped himself over me to ensure that I wasn’t going anywhere… not that I wanted to. He had me howling like a crazed maniac; he’d gotten his hands under my ass and alternated between sucking me and shoving me into his mouth. I think I remember yelling out that I was going to cum and maybe that was why he trebled his efforts on me until… the next thing I knew, he was sitting beside me and asking me if I was okay.

I wasn’t sure that I was. I couldn’t remember anything after feeling that rush of my dick swelling in his mouth but I had assumed that he’d made me cum really hard because my asshole was hurting in that familiar way whenever I came hard. I let him know that I thought I was okay and when I was able to fully focus my eyes, I found myself looking at… a different John. He was smiling and I could feel how… light and bubbly he was. He said that if I could walk – and I wasn’t sure that I could – to come with him so we could get something to eat and drink. He hopped off the bed and in a way that belied his weight and I… eased myself off the bed and tried to remember how to walk on the fly.

After making some sandwiches and pulling out a couple of ice-cold Cokes – a “vice” we both shared – he was, to me, a very different person. He was… giddy. Like he’d had a tremendous weight lifted from him. He complimented me again on my cocksucking skills and I didn’t know what to say about his other than not being able to remember if or when a guy had ever sucked me so… forcefully gentle before. I… could see why the guys he grew up with tracked him down and got him to blow them and I felt that he was way better at it than I was, and I let him know this. He blushed and it didn’t escape my notice that he did not say anything that was self-deprecating.

“I’m looking forward to you fucking me,” he said.

I blinked. In retrospect, I should have anticipated this but I didn’t. I recovered enough to say that if that’s what he wanted me to do, sure, I wouldn’t object and, also in retrospect, made the “mistake” of telling him that when he was ready, I’d fuck him… and I’ll ask you to imagine the look on my face when he said, “Great! Let’s go!”

Huh? Yeah, I realized my “mistake” as he took me by the hand and led me back to the bedroom and it wasn’t that I was opposed to fucking him – I wasn’t even thinking about it other than we could fuck “down the road.” Back on the bed, he went down on me with those soft-assed lips and I rose to the occasion quickly. He stopped and grabbed a bottle of lube from under a pillow – and I thought that he had planned for this or, maybe, it was there just in case. I didn’t know which; I watched him slather my dick with the lube then reach behind him to lube his hole and I’m now waiting for him to “assume a position” and I know my eyes got really big when he straddled him, positioned me against his hole and… sat right down on my dick.

Even though he outweighed me by a good fifty pounds or more, I was beyond impressed at the way he rode me and like he weighed less than I did. I could, again, see why those dudes made it a habit to run him down for sex and what he had experienced with those guys showed in the way he… fucked my brains out. Shit… I hadn’t had women ride me with the skill and dexterity he showed! He… killed the shit out of me when he leaned over and kissed me deeply… and I came. Hard. Made my asshole hurt like I had a big fat dick in there. Holy-fucking-shit. I’m cumming, he’s flexing his muscles and whispering to me to give it all to him and some other things I couldn’t remember.

I wanted his dick in me. Didn’t even care that his really big cock knob was going to spread me open wide enough to park a bus in there. I let him know what I wanted and he asked, “Are you serious?”

“You’re damned right I’m serious – it is a problem?” I asked.

“I’ve… I’ve never had a guy ask me to fuck him,” he said and now he’s back to being unsure of himself.

“Move,” I said, taking charge of the situation. He moved and I pushed him onto his back and went down on him to get him good and hard and as I did so, something in my head asked, “Have you lost your mind? I chose not to respond to that and I hurried up and lubed both of us up and straddled him; I got him in position and said to myself, “This is going to hurt…” and sat straight down on him. Bright lights exploded in my head and the pain was incredible but I didn’t stop until I had all of him in me – but it took me a moment to get adusted and to catch my breath.

John was about to say something but I cut him off by saying, “Don’t. Don’t even.” And I rode him; his knob was so huge in me that it was all I could feel as I ground myself on him and, Christ, what was I thinking by wanting him in me? Still, I fought through any discomfort I was feeling until it was feeling really good having him in me. We’re both grunting and groaning and cursing and echoing each other’s sentiment that this was feeling really good and that was the moment when I said, “Cum. Cum in me. Cum in me now!”

And he did. Like holy shit did he. If I had thought that I had taken all of that cum he had saved up when I sucked him, I was mistaken – he had a whole lot more left. I could feel the first three spurts – and that was saying something because I didn’t always feel a guy cum in those first moments but I sure as hell could feel all that cum blasting into me and… already starting to leak out of me. Holy shit. We’re both gasping for breathe as the sensations of his cock pumping started to diminish and he grew soft enough that my ass just evicted him easily… and I grimaced for a second upon hearing that rather obscene popping sound as his dick left my body.

I rolled off of him and I could swear that I could feel a breeze in my hole; yeah, he had really gapped me wide open and it was such a weird but good feeling. I looked at him to say something and saw that he was… asleep. Well, how about that? I debated on whether or not to wake him but decided not to; I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face, dick and ass, found a pen and paper and wrote him a note to first thank him for an amazing time and that he should call me after reading the note. I got dressed and… had an interesting time sitting down when I got into my car and headed home.

But he never called. I had tried to reach him for a whole two weeks and eventually called his job, which is when I learned that he had resigned. I went by his house and when I peeked in a window, I saw that the place was empty. What the hell? I was seriously worried and that was putting it mildly and had continued to worry until I got a letter from him postmarked from Montreal, Canada. His letter was both “heartbreaking” and uplifting as he wrote about how he felt about us making love and how much it meant to him to have sex with a guy who actually gave a damn about him as a human being. He apologized for disappearing as he did but assured me that he had been planning on this move and because of a job he had applied for. He told me that he had gotten the call from the company – and the phone ringing was what had awakened him – and he’d gotten the good news and started planning his move right then and there. He admitted to seeing my note but had told himself that he’d call me later, but.

I understood. I was happy for him. I felt… some kind of way to read him saying that having sex with me that day changed his life, and he could never thank me enough for showing him that he was worth having sex with. I heard from him one last time and in a letter that said he had met the woman of his dreams and they were getting married, and he once again thanked me for showing him that he was more than just a sexual plaything for men.

I felt good to know this; it’s always good to be able to make a difference in someone’s life. Yeah, I felt some kind of way about the way he left but he had to do what he had to do and vowed to myself to never forget him or our time together and if you’re reading this, nope – I didn’t forget. What an amazing guy and one who was a lot more amazing to have sex with than he originally gave himself credit for. I remember thinking that his wife-to-be was one lucky lady and that all the women who rejected him – and all the men who just used him for a cum dump – had made a mistake and one that had turned out to be a gain for me.

I remember us talking about being bisexual and how he “envied” how comfortable I was with it. One of the other things that made me decide to sleep with him was having the sense that us having sex just might do him some justice as far as being confident and all those other things that are important and works towards a greater sense of worth. We weren’t friends for a really long time, but it made me feel good to know that I made a difference in his life. He proved to me… more of a man than a lot of guys I’d known and slept with and I’m never going to forget how he felt inside of me and, whew, that ginormous cock knob is forever burned into my body’s memories…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 December 22

Today’s thoughts are about a memory that, as they tend to do, just showed up out of nowhere and while I was troubleshooting a new computer that was refusing to start properly.

I had a friend who had a car and we’d gone to a house party with two other guys and we had fun, got buzzed, and were going to take care of the very bad case of the munchies we were now suffering. I’m in the back seat with one of the guys – who I’ll call “Eric” – and, man, he’s some kind of fucked up! He’s speed rapping – just talking about a lot of disconnected stuff and really fast, I’m laughing at him because he’s known to be funny as hell when he’s high on weed.

He leans over to me and says, “Lemme suck your dick.”

I’m high but not that high and I just look at him because, as far as I knew, he wasn’t down like that so I ask him if he’s serious and he says that he’s very serious and that he’s been wanting to blow me since we first met – and that was like three years ago at this point.

“Stop playing,” I said to him.

“I’m not playing or kidding,” he says. “Lemme do it. I gotta do it.”

Okay, I decide to “call his bluff.” I unfasten my pants and slide everything down – and keeping an eye on the guys in the front seat; my friend is driving and the guy in the front with him is snoring. Now I’m there with my pants and underwear all around my ankles and I look at Eric and as if to say, “Here is it – what are you waiting for?” I’m thinking that it’s the weed talking… until he leans over and takes me into his mouth.

Oh, damn. The first thing that becomes apparent to me is that he’s sucked dick before; I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was because I had to learn not to be surprised when a guy who wasn’t down with this turned out to be down with it. Oh, man, he’s doing a number on me and is slurping loud enough for my friend to peek up in the rearview mirror and ask, “What y’all doing back there?”

“Nothing,” I said – because it was the first thing out of my mouth. Eric’s sucking on my balls and jerking my dick and I know that my friend can kinda see that (1) he couldn’t see Eric in the mirror and (2) Eric’s head bobbing up and down as he works me dick over. My friend and I are making eye contact via the rearview mirror, and I can see him shaking his head before returning his focus to the road.

“Don’t be making any messes on my seats!” he says and… I have nothing to say in return. Eric is really good; I know he probably felt the tremors in my dick that was telling him that I was on my way to cumming because he’d stop for a moment then go right back to what he was doing. He kept me from cumming like maybe three times before there was no way that I wasn’t going to cum and I exploded into his mouth. My friend hears my sharp intake of breath and just looks in the mirror and, again, shakes his head – and I’m not sure if it’s in disapproval or not and I don’t have the brain power to think any more about it because Eric is not only swallowing my cum, he’s still sucking my dick and the feeling of his tongue on my very sensitive knob is making me squirm and all that.

I finish cumming; my dick is starting to soften and Eric sits up and says – real loud – “Man, I’ve been wanting to suck your dick for a long time!”

My friend is peeking in the mirror and he’s just smiling and now I’m thinking that he knew something about Eric that I hadn’t known. Now, my friend hadn’t known that I was into this but he knows it now and I’m feeling some kind of way about that because I hated to lose friends because they couldn’t deal with the fact that I was bisexual.

“Where the hell are we going?” I ask my friend.

“Everything’s closed so I’m just riding around until I can figure out something,” he says. “Just sit back and… enjoy the ride.”

Okay, so he did know this about Eric and I’m thinking that he could have warned me but it’s water under the bridge and more so when Eric says, “You ready for round two?”

Say what? He didn’t give me a chance to say anything one way or the other and to make matters worse for me, shit, I was high and very horny before he blew me and now… I want to suck his dick. Really bad. I tell him to let me suck his dick and he says, “Nope; I don’t want that from you.”

Then goes back down on me. My friend is driving and laughing; the other guy is still knocked out… and I’m getting sucked off again in the backseat and not handling it all that well. “Miraculously,” Eric gets me up again and he’s slowly going to town on me, taking me deep and doing things with his tongue that’s just short of magical. I can… handle this but I know that even though he’s sucking me magnificently, it’s not doing a thing to take care of my need to do something to him. I have my right arm free so I fumble with trying to get his pants unfastened so I can, at the very least, get my hand on his dick. For a few moments, he’s resisting my attempts to expose him but gives up and moves just enough so I can get his hard dick out.

I kinda gasp because Eric has one hell of a big dick despite being shorter and skinnier than I was. Holy shit. I’m stroking his surprisingly big dick and it feels hot and heavy in my hand and I’m drooling because I want to suck this monster but with him almost lying in my lap, I can’t move and… I can’t think of how we could manage to 69 in the cramped confines of the back seat.

“Y’all need to roll the window down,” my friend says and… I roll the window down and it’s a good thing since I had noticed right from the beginning how… musky the air was. Eric’s picking up the pace on me; I’m “manhandling” the snake he had in his pants; my friend is numbling something about maybe he needs to pull over and the guy in the front seat is still blissfully snoring… and I want Eric’s dick in my mouth. Now. So I make him stop sucking me, make him sit the fuck up and the look I gave him said that if he didn’t “assume the position,” we were going to have a major problem.

He gets the message and stretches out as much as he can and I swoop down on his dick and take every inch of it down; my throat isn’t happy with me at the moment but I don’t care. He feels good in my mouth; he tastes good and I’m going to suck the shit out of him and… he’s cumming. His cum is going right down my throat because I hadn’t backed off after taking him deep. I can feel his dick pulsing and he’s saying, “Damn…” over and over and… shit gets pretty rough in the back seat as Eric shoves me away from his dick and goes back down on me until I somehow manage to cum again.

“You two need to get a room,” my friend says. “Y’all done yet?”

I say we are; Eric says we aren’t and that my friend should drop us off at his place. I want to protest but my friend does a U-turn and, shit. A few more turns and I know he’s heading for Eric’s crib and Eric is… apologizing but not apologizing. He’s letting me know that he’s unhappy with me because I sucked him off and that isn’t what he’s into at all and… I have nothing to say because I’m still high enough to be totally baffled.

We pull up in front of Eric’s crib and my friend laughs and says, “Get the fuck out – and have fun!” We pile out of the car and I’m not sure how I feel about being blindsided by all of this. I’m not worried about getting back home – I live just a few blocks away – but I follow Eric inside and… he’s lecturing me. Explaining to me that he’s bisexual and how he’s had the hots for me and that all he was into was sucking dick and definitely not being sucked and I said, “If you blow me, you get blown – that’s just how it goes but, okay. I respect what you said.”

“Good. Now, give up the dick,” he says.

“I probably can’t get it up,” I said.

“You don’t need to – sucking a soft dick is good, too,” he counters.

And it wasn’t like I didn’t know that and I… submitted. I didn’t think I’d get hard again but I had to admit that it felt… really good to have him sucking me and I’m seriously soft. He let me fondle his dick and had stopped sucking me long enough to “warn” me not to get any more ideas about sucking him and, okay. I’ve got his seriously long dick in my hand and thinking of all the shit I could do to it but I gotta respect his preferences and just be “content” that I did get to suck him off.

At some point, I can feel myself getting hard and that’s a surprise; I was trying to remember when the last time was that I got sucked many times and was able to get it up to some degree and realized that, wow, I was a teenager the last time. Now I’m sure that I’m going to cum – I’m in the “shooting blanks” phase of things where my dick will go through the motions of cumming… but the well is dry and… that’s pretty much what happened.

He’s happy and I’m worn out. He had cum all over the place, and I had cum all over my hand and I was… upset because I didn’t like to let good cum go to waste. I’m so much inside my own head that I barely hear Eric telling me that, yes, our shared friend knew that he – Eric – was a serious cocksucker and, no, he didn’t know why our friend didn’t tell me and apologizing again for “making” me do something he was sure I really wasn’t into.

And I let him know that this wasn’t my first rodeo or even close to it. Being sucked and sucking. He was surprised and to this very day, I don’t know why he was – one of life’s many mysteries. We exchanged origin stories and how he got hooked on sucking dick and had learned that he really didn’t like being sucked… by guys. He said that he didn’t mind women trying to suck him and that most wouldn’t because of his size.

I think I asked him that if this was a problem – and I recognized that it was – why didn’t he let a guy blow him since “most of us” could handle the size of his dick? He… had no answer except to ask me if he could suck me one more time before I headed home. I said he could and he spent like a half-hour sucking my dick and it refused to get hard for a fourth time and… we were both okay. I got dressed and headed home with all of this on my mind – as well as reminding myself to have a very long conversation with my friend.

I saw him the next day because he came looking for me. I got in the car with him and we’re just riding around and he’s both laughing at me and explaining why he didn’t tell me about Eric and beginning with him not knowing how I was going to react. He said that he was surprised that I allowed Eric to blow me and was even more surprised that I went down on Eric.

“I guess we learned something new about each other,” he said. “So, um, can I get that dick?”

He got mine and I got his and it was all good. Life is just so full of surprises, and this is one that came to mind… while I wasn’t even thinking about it but since I was, I had to write it down before it disappeared.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 22 December 22

The date and today’s weather had me thinking of the first Christmas I experienced away from home. I was stationed in California (of all places) and on Christmas Eve, the day was promising seventy-degree temperatures and rain. I was… seriously homesick, something I couldn’t remember ever feeling before; I would understand that I had such a bad case of it because I was so far from home.

The weather itself was “culture shocking” because I’m from the East Coast and in December, the weather is cold, snowy, icy, and sleet pretty much lived in the area. That didn’t help my mood any since I hated being cold even though, as night fell, the rainy drizzle was kind of “cold.” I’d wandered to a phone booth near my dorm and made an even bigger mistake: I called home after “doing the math” for the time difference.

It was good to talk to my family, which was gathered at Mom’s house for our traditional Christmas Eve tree trimming get-together; Mom answered the phone and I had a huge lump in my throat hearing her voice as well as the joyous noise in the background of music playing and the many voices laughing and having one hell of a good time.

The tears were running freely down my face as I got to talk to everyone for a few minutes and until there was nothing left to be said and after my mom “made me cry” some more about missing me and hoping that everything was okay with me, I hung up, left the phone booth, and wandered out into the rain. My “plan” was to walk in the rain to drown my sorrows, but the weather had other ideas; the light drizzle turned into more of a downpour and, of course, when I wasn’t close to the dorm… but I was close to the beer bar and, well, might as well go there, drink some beer and eat some bar food.

I was pissed because I had planned to go home for Christmas and like a lot of us were, but they’d put the base on some kind of alert and all leaves were cancelled. Son-of-a-bitch! I’d gotten my money back from the plane tickets I’d bought but that didn’t make me feel any better as I literally bellied up to the bar and ordered some wings and a pitcher of beer. The guy behind the bar was looking around and like others would be joining me; I looked, too, before looking back at him long enough for him to shrug and go to place my food order and then to pour my pitcher.

The bar was strangely empty and the people there were looking like I was feeling; angry over leaves being cancelled and, perhaps, feeling as homesick as I was. I sat, thought, ate wings, guzzled beer and in a single-minded kind of way that turned off my situational awareness, which is why I almost jumped off the bar stool when I heard a voice say, “Do you mind if I sit here?”

Getting my shit back together, I just nodded – and because I had a mouthful of beer – and the rather… non-descript kind of guy smiled, sat, and told the guy behind the bar to bring him what I had before striking up a conversation with me. I didn’t feel like talking but I didn’t want to be rude and we’re making each other’s acquaintance over wings and beer and getting pretty buzzed; the funny part is that I really didn’t like beer but other than soft drinks, that’s the only alcohol the beer bar served. I wasn’t going to get drunk – damn it – but I was buzzing pretty good and still pretty much in my own head, which made me miss him asking me if I wanted to go with him so we could… do something.

“Like what?” I asked after he repeated what he had said. I just wanted to sit here, eat more than my weight in wings and drink enough beer to make me live in the restroom.

He made the “universal sign” for a blowjob, and I thought two things. The first was… shit, why the fuck not? The second was this is the US military, and they didn’t have a sense of humor about homosexuality in any form and I’d already gone through some harrowing shit with the Office of Special Investigations because my very gay roommate had smoked some weed in our room and left the roaches in the drawer of the desk we shared. I’d spent a very scary two hours convincing the special agents that, no, I wasn’t smoking weed, didn’t know about the roaches and thinking about putting both of my feet in my roommate’s ass (and laughing to myself thinking that he might like that). They cleared me of any wrongdoing but what this guy was proposing was a lot more serious than some roaches in a drawer.

I guess he saw the look on my face and guessed what I was thinking because he said, “We can go off-base, and I really don’t want to be alone tonight; I’m really missing the folks back home.”

Yeah, so was I. So I agreed with his proposal; we settled up our tabs and went out in the rain to walk just a short distance from the gate (and about as far as we were allowed to go given the alert) to one of those no-tell motels that lined the road leading to the base. He went inside and got us a room while I huddled in the one spot that was dry; a few minutes later, we made our way to the room, went inside and… cue the pregnant pause.

You would have thought that the two of us were back in grade school or something as we stood there just looking at each other to see who was going to make the first move to get undressed. He moved first… to turn the TV on and while he fiddled with the channel selector, my brain – and all that beer I’d drank – said, “Fuck it…” and I got out of my clothes and sat on the bed. I think he was surprised when he turned around and saw me naked; he said something about me being quiet that I didn’t react to and as I waited to see what he was going to do.

It took him a few moments to decide to strip down and join me on the bed and I had a quick impression that this was something he wasn’t all that used to and definitely not like I was. We sat on the bed, naked, and talked some more but now I had to pee something fierce and said so. As I got up to hit the bathroom, I could feel his eyes on me and a tiny part of my mind was hoping that he liked what he saw. I returned to the bed and… he went to pee. I was checking him out and he was, again, about as non-descript as, well, a lot of the guys on the base were; young, white, military fit, nice butt, and a rather nice-looking dick and one that I was now very eager to get my mouth on.

He returns to the bed and my horniness is turned up to twenty; I know his name, know what unit he’s in, that he’s also from the East Coast and that I want to wrap my mouth around him so that neither of us are thinking about being homesick. I’m about to make my move – because I’m both horny and impatient – and he says, “This is the first time I’ve done something like this.”

“Like what?” I asked, thinking that he’s a rookie but he says it’s the first time he’s ever picked a guy up for sex and I relax for a moment before asking him how many times he’d been with a guy and he says, “This will be my third time and I’m very nervous… and I hope you’ll be gentle with me.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t be?” I asked.

“When I came in and saw you at the bar, I just knew you were the guy I wanted to be with and you look… experienced,” he said.

I just blinked and kinda nodded/smiled before I leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips to see if he was cool with it and, um, I felt like I had to and I wasn’t a fan of kissing guys. The light kiss turned into a very heavy one as he pulled me into the kiss and tongues got involved and our hands started roaming all over our bodies. He groaned into my mouth as I wrapped my hand around his erection to sample his hardness before cupping his balls and he just… melted under my touch. Experience told me that I could do whatever I wanted to with him, but we’d have to stop kissing first and, honestly, I didn’t want to… but there was much more of him to be kissed.

I’m working my way down his body; I lick, suck, and kiss his neck and ears for “quite a while” before moving down to suck on his nipples. He’s moaning “yes” over and over and I think I heard him ask Jesus to help him. He… tasted good. Kissed my way down his belly and I almost laughed because his belly was quivering and just like I had read in the dirty books I used to steal from my father. I don’t laugh because this is getting very serious because my next stop would be at his crotch.

We’re both breathing heavily as I slip down between his legs and kiss the head of his dick; I felt his whole body shudder as I licked down his shaft and shifted my position so I could suck his balls, taking each into my mouth and sucking them gently. He’s caressing my face with trembling fingers as I’m licking my way back up his shaft but instead of taking him into my mouth, I lie atop him and kiss him deeply and with what I called “gentle intent;” I wanted him to know how much I wanted him and moved atop him like I was going to fuck him – and hoping that I’d get a chance to even though we didn’t quite agree on anything other than dicks getting sucked. I’m doing a number on him, letting my lust – and the beer – dictate what I’m doing; his body is now fever-hot and this is good and now I need to suck his dick and instead of taking my time getting down there – and like I was originally thinking – I swooped down and took him straight down to his pubic bone and ignoring his pubic hair tickling my nose and… I feasted upon him.

I was only aware of a few things like how he was responding to what I was doing and the sound of rain falling harder. I’m sucking him, fondling his balls and my lust – and the beer – suggested that he needed my thumb in his ass so I stopped sucking him long enough to make my thumb good and wet and popped it right into him and held it there as I returned to my quest to make him cum in my mouth. He’s grinding himself onto my thumb and I’m sucking his cock – which I thought was perfect to suck on as far as size and girth went – and I’m… pushing him to cum. Using every “dirty trick” I knew to push him over the edge.

He’s moaning, groaning, cursing and then he went stiff as his dick swelled in my mouth and started pulsing his cum; I could feel the contractions very strongly with my thumb in his ass and they were so strong that my thumb was actually hurting but I wasn’t about to remove it because I was too busy swallowing his, um, beer-flavored cum (with a side of chicken flavor). I didn’t want to move from where I was; I wanted to keep sucking him even though he’s getting soft. My own dick was painfully hard and in need of attention and for a moment, I was indecisive. I wanted him to suck me off but I also wanted to bury my dick in his ass, and I just knew he would allow it – but he made the decision for me by saying, “Fuck me… you gotta fuck me…”

I slathered as much saliva as I could generated onto my dick before getting between his splayed legs and fitting the head of my dick against his hole. I had planned to enter him slowly; I knew all too well how uncomfortable an entry can feel but he again took the decision away from me by grabbing my ass and shoving me right into him and as far as I could go. He moaned, I gasped and he wrapped himself around me and pulled me close enough for us to kiss and… I fucked him. We moved together and like we’d done this with each other for a long time. We’re both breathing hard and making noises about how good it feels to the both of us and… I gotta cum. I think I said that I did because he was saying yes over and over and…

It was like being struck by lightning. My brain had shut down and all I was aware of was the very strong pulses of my dick in the warm, tight confines of his rectum and they were so strong that my own asshole was hurting. Reality reasserted itself as I lay atop him and we’re both grinning at each other in between kisses and I had the thought that he wasn’t going to let me move from where I was but he did the moment my very soft dick slid right out of him.

And now, I wanted him in me and I’m sure I told him that, only to hear him say that he didn’t like doing that but he was going to keep his word and blow me… right after I came back from the bathroom. My body wasn’t happy about me standing up as I made my way to both pee and to wash up. When I returned to the bed, he had this… look on his face that I couldn’t make sense of, but I liked it. I laid down and lost myself in feeling his mouth, lips, and tongue on my ears and neck and, yes, even my nipples. He made me laugh aloud when he slid down to my crotch and as he cupped my balls, he said, “It is true, huh?”

Then he went down on me. He had his hands under my ass and literally making me fuck his mouth. I wanted him to stick… something in my ass but I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth other than grunting and groaning as he alternated between trying to eat my dick off of my body and sucking on my balls. I was on my “second wind” so it was going to take a while before I could cum again and, really, I was surprised that he was able to suck me back into hardness so quickly. As much as I was loving his mouth on me, I still wanted him to fuck me even though he said that he didn’t like doing that; I could hear myself saying, “Fuck me… ” over and over and, I dunno, I think I blanked out for a moment because it was like I “blinked” and the next thing I know, he’s in me and for someone who said that he didn’t like to fuck a guy, he was going to town in me.

He’s… fucking me hard and fast. Taking my breath away. All I could do was cling to him as he pounded his dick into me and like he was mad at me… and the dim thought that maybe he was because I persuaded him to do something he didn’t like to do. Ah, he was making it hurt so good! I was doing my best to fuck back against him but he was moving too fast for me to get into sync with him so I just stopped trying and took the pounding. I could feel his prick “quivering” in my ass and I knew that the speed I was feeling the quivers were telling me that he was about to cum.

“Fuck!” he yelled and, oh, hell, yeah, he’s cumming in me and ramming his dick hard into me at the same time. Those hard strokes were… making me feel a little nauseous as they jarred my body and shook up my stomach but I didn’t care about that; I just wanted him to keep cumming and to never stop. But he did. He collapsed onto me and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing his face and I could feel him getting soft in me and the moment his dick popped out of me, I had that “ugly” but nice feeling of emptiness that told me that I’d gotten fucked really good… and I wanted him to refill me to make the emptiness go away.

He fell asleep lying on me. It took some doing to get from under him without waking him up but I managed to do it and more so when I had to pee again. I slipped out of the bed and, on wobbly legs, made my way to the bathroom; I could feel his cum oozing out of me and making me… squishy. It made me laugh to myself as relieved my bladder and washed up again before returning to the bed, sliding in next to him and dropping off to sleep myself.

I awoke to the sensations of having my dick sucked. I pried an eye open and, yep, there he is, sucking me and I got an arm to move to place my hand gently on this head to both encourage him and to let him know that I was awake. He… blew my brains out. I went from waking sluggishness to fucking furiously into his mouth; I was… out of control. Shocked and appalled to hear myself growling like a wild animal when he easily slid a finger in me and touched my prostate and everything went blindingly white in my head. I think I heard him grunt and go “urp” as I came in his mouth, shuddering uncontrollably and still making animalistic sounds until I was out of cum and getting soft.

“Thank you,” he said as he sat up.

“I should thank you but what are you thanking me for?” I asked – and barely because my throat was dry and raw from all the growling I did.

“For everything,” he said.

“I hope you’re not upset because, um, you fucked me,” I said.

“I don’t like doing that, but I knew I had to,” he said, smiling at me. “Come on; let’s shower and get out of here and get some breakfast!”

It’s now Christmas Day and it’s still raining and it’s foggy as we made our way back on-base and to the chow hall that, coincidentally, was across the street from my dorm. We loaded up our plates with eggs, bacon and hash browns and, oh, yeah, coffee. We didn’t have a lot to say; we just sat, ate, and smiled at each other and it was just… nice. We finished eating and he asked me what I was going to do and I said that I had to call home and he said he was going to do the same thing after going to his dorm for… something I don’t remember.

What I do remember clearly is that I never saw him again once I watched him heading to his dorm. I looked for him for a couple of days; I even inquired about him at his unit and that’s when I learned that once the alert was lifted, he got transferred to another base. Hearing this made my heart sink but I had the memory of my night with him and… I wasn’t feeling homesick any longer. I had called home after we parted ways and I felt… okay. Had some pep in my step after talking to the folks at home – and they were still partying, by the way.

A Christmas moment I’ll never forget. An amazing night with an amazing guy and, I think, that piece of home that I also missed despite having a gay roommate that I was having sex with. And speaking of him, oh, man, was he ever pissed at me for not coming “home” on Christmas Eve and even angrier when I told him that I was with someone else; I had to remind him that we weren’t “boyfriend and girlfriend” and I didn’t answer to him and I could sleep with anyone I wanted to and if he didn’t like it, well, ask to be reassigned to another dorm or I would. Sheesh. Yeah, we eventually had sex… but it was nothing like what I experienced on a night where I felt so lonely and homesick and being able to share it with a guy so that we could both… feel better about not being at home for the holidays.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 December 22 – Supplemental

Some “stray” thoughts about having stray thoughts when sucking dick, like this one time I was blowing a guy and, in my mind, it was the longest four minutes ever and to the point where I was getting tired of actually sucking him and just let him fuck into my mouth. I knew he was close to cumming and I was ticked off when he confessed to jerking off before the fact and I knew this was playing into my… discomfiture even though I was having fun sucking him.

He’s thrusting into my mouth, moaning, groaning, cursing and the stray thought that he was using my mouth like it was a pussy stopped by to pay me a visit and it was a surreal kind of thought and one that I was sure I had never had before or, if I did, it escaped my notice and that was because I was too busy trying to make the guy cum.

This one did (and my mind said, “Finally!”; I felt his dick swell for a brief moment before the first shot was delivered; his whole body went stiff and another stray thought popped in as I wondered why, when a guy cums, he goes as stiff as a board for a moment – or a longer one – before he’s able to regain a modicum of control over his body again.

I’m swallowing his cum and wondering why I’m thinking about shit like this to begin with. It wasn’t like I wasn’t into what I was doing, and it wasn’t like he was “abusing” my mouth when he seriously gave into that natural fucking motion that was yet another stray thought I was having when we switched places and he’s sucking me, and I felt my body starting to fuck into his mouth and “all by itself.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t give me a good and proper sucking because he did. I did think, later that day, that those stray thoughts showed up because I wasn’t happy about him jerking off before we met. Okay, I’ll suck a dick for as long as it’s going to take but doing it after a guy has already busted that first nut just… lost something in the “translation.” That the first nut is better than the second one and that’s not counting how long it’s going to take him to cum again after having already shot his load.

In many situations, I realized – and thanks to another stray thought – that I don’t always pay “a lot of attention” to what the guy is doing or saying as I’m working his dick over because when I used to pay attention to this stuff, more often than not, the guy would wind up pissing me off, like, grabbing my head and trying to shove his dick out of the back of my neck and forcibly so. Or being caught up in their own moment and saying something like, “Yeah, bitch – suck my dick!”

Yeah, you might imagine how hearing this didn’t sit well with me. Still, if I didn’t “listen” to such things, it put my full attention on what we came here to do and this comes to mind: We’re just masturbating each other with our mouths. That time I was sucking a guy and thinking about what he had said about sucking dick only being okay as compared to putting dicks into asses but here I am having the very stray thought of why it’s so different when the end result is the same. It wasn’t like I didn’t know what makes it so different because, duh, I did but, yeah. Stray thoughts. Little peeks into some… realities that aren’t really paid a lot of attention to because whether your use your hand on a guy, use your mouth on him, or get to clamping down on his prick while it’s in your ass, the end result is the same.

He cums. In another such moment, shit, it’s taking forever to get the guy who I was sucking to cum. He’s rock hard one moment and not so much the next and I was fairly sure that I wasn’t doing anything to cause him to get overly sensitized, but the stray thought was about him trying too hard to cum so… I stopped. Moved away from the dick so I could tell him to stop thinking about cumming and just let it happen. His reaction told me that he didn’t quite agree with what I’d say but the moment I went back to sucking him, he came a few moments later. And me thinking that, sometimes, those stray thoughts do come in handy.

When we have sex, our minds are supposed to be on what we’re doing; we should be shutting out any or all external distractions, but I learned that stray thoughts are internal and prone to just showing up and no matter how hard I tried to ignore them and whether they were… self-generated or the other guy said or did something to get my brain thinking about something other than what I “should have” been giving every bit of my attention.

I still have a… bad moment thinking about the time a guy was cumming in my ass and I had the stray thought that he was trying to get me pregnant and realizing that, yeah, that’s exactly what he was trying to do even though it was impossible. I would find that, sometimes, my stray thoughts were those peeks into the stark reality of having sex. Like being inside of a woman, we’re moving together and she’s telling me to cum in her and, okay, I don’t really want to but I know I’m going to because… that’s one of the reasons why we’re doing what we’re doing. I start to cum – and, interestingly enough, my body wants to go all board-stiff but I resist it and keep thrusting into her and she’s making… happy noises which gave me another stray thought: Why do some women laugh or giggle when you’re cumming in them?

When my mind “should” have been thinking about a fast recovery so we could go about me… trying to get her pregnant. Not that it was my intent or hers but, still. A peek into the stark reality of what we were doing along with some questions that, by the way, I’ve never gotten answers to.

Getting my head around the fact that I can watch a guy sucking my dick with great clinical detachment but I’m also into what he’s doing. It looks and feels good but what he’s doing also represents an aspect of sex that, forever and ever, men are not supposed to engage in because the only thing that is going to happen is that me cum is going to wind up in his stomach – and totally destroyed and broken down by stomach acid – and… we’re both going to be happy that this happened. The stray thought that having oral sex with anyone serves no “real purpose” other than to give sensations of pleasure and, hopefully, satisfaction.

I learned to understand that if stray thoughts are just me “being my own worst enemy,” then this could be true for other people and that we don’t really go about having sex as mindlessly as we might think and/or believe we do. We want to be made to feel good when we have sex and we want the other person to feel good, but I learned that sometimes, it’s not what we do that can… fuck it all up but what’s really going on in our head and at any given moment and quite unforbidden. Like the one guy who, after I came in his mouth, said that he didn’t know why he didn’t stop when I told him I was going to cum – and he had made it clear that he didn’t want me to “bust a nut in his head.” He said that he heard what I said and… a thought that he wasn’t even thinking about showed up and said, “Go ahead and let him do it!”

The funny part was that he was mad that I came in his mouth, but he was also happy that I did… and he didn’t understand it. Neither did I. Which had all kinds of stray thoughts invading my thoughts when I was blowing him but, unlike him, I wanted him to “bust a nut in my head” because if you’re going to suck a guy’s dick, well, isn’t that one of the reasons to be sucking his dick in the first place? The stray thoughts dancing around in my head seemed to think so and they were distracting me but, at the same times, not taking away from the pleasure I was having while sucking him. Being… driven to get him to cum while ignoring the nerd in my head that was already analyzing what his cum was going to taste like and other science shit that I found funny but, yeah, trying to laugh with a dick in your mouth is a hard thing to do and not laughing would be a good thing since sucking his dick was a very serious thing for the both of us.

After I, ah, disposed of his cum, he had asked me, “What was so funny?” Okay, he noticed that, huh? I told him that I was just having some stray thoughts and some of them made me want to laugh – and it was no reflection on him whatsoever. He said, “Hmm. I thought I was the only one who had moments like that.”

Apparently not. It was to note that when we got into it again, there wasn’t a stray through to be found anywhere in my consciousness. Which was a good thing… or was it really?

A woman is sucking my dick and, my goodness, is she doing a number on me or what? At one point she stopped and asked me, “What are you thinking about?” and the question baffled me because as far as I knew, I wasn’t thinking about anything but upon further review, yeah, there was a stray thought right at the edge of my consciousness that had said that it’d be nice to cum in her mouth even though I knew where she wanted my cum. I felt… silly telling her what had crossed my mind and she said that she could tell that I had been thinking about something, kinda shrugged her shoulders and went back to sucking me getting me hollering for Jesus to come save me and I’m gonna cum… and she let me cum in her mouth. Why?

She said that she had the thought to suck me off because when I did fuck her – and I was going to or else – it would take me longer to cum and that would enhance her pleasure. She said, “We can think of some weird shit when we’re having sex, can’t we?”

Yeah, we sure can.

Having sex with a couple and engaging with both of them and having the very stray thought that this is bisexuality at its very best and the extra stray thought about why there are so many people who are afraid to have sex like this. Yet another stray thought about feeling vulnerable when the two of them “ganged up” on me and I went from active participant to… helpless victim of their combined lust. One of those stark reality stray thoughts that made me tense up and the woman noticed it, stopped trying to eat my nipples off of my body and asked me, “Are you okay, baby?”

I assured her that I was – which was my chance and his to “gang up” on her. I came in her and… she giggled. Her husband “repossessed his pussy” and came in her and while she didn’t giggle, she did moan happily – but what made her giggle like a schoolgirl when I came in her? It was one hell of a night of sex with a slew of stray thoughts that I had no control over, but I would come to understand that they were just as much a part of “being in the moment” as actually having the sex was.

And, yeah, if you’re bisexual, it doesn’t get any better than to be able to fully put your bisexuality on display in this fashion… and the stray thought about why some bisexuals want to have a threesome as I’m fulfilling my promise to him that I was going to suck him off. Being aware that as I sucked him, his wife was… distracting me with words of encouragement and egging me on to “Waste his ass and show him how a real man gets it done!” Her hands on me. Her mouth on me again. Winding up being made to feel vulnerable when she encouraged us to move so that she could ride my brand-new erection while he was fucking into my mouth and like his very life depended on it and the stray thought asking why there are couples who get off having sex like this and any further consideration going by the wayside as they had their way with me and like they had intended to.

The stuff that can go on inside my head during sex is… something else. One hundred percent in the moment of things but there’s no telling what the moment can make my brain decide to think about shit that, sometimes, has nothing to do with the sex being enjoyed. I would get used to stuff just showing up unbidden in my mind; it’s… being in the moment but not as truly mindless as we might think.

Hmm.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 09 December 22

As I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and searching for the latest gaming stories/notices, I came across a couple of clips of a guy… giving himself a blowjob. Not trying to. Getting after it.

It was impressive. You need enough length and a lot of flexibility to blow your own horn and I know that because there was a time when I could blow myself.

Before I got it into my head to try it, I’d been sucking dicks for years; sometimes – and with fellas in the know – we’d sit and “fantasize” what it would be like to be able to suck your own dick and, of course, the general consensus was that if we could do that, we wouldn’t need anyone else to do it… but if they wanted to, we weren’t going to say that they couldn’t.

Not really insane when it comes to that. Admittedly, I’m above average but not “blessed,” as some people say at times (or used to say other than being hung) but, again, I was happily sucking dicks without a single thought about giving it a try until, one day, I was out of the shower, got dried off but as I sat on the bed to get my socks on, I’d dropped one and bent over to get it and something in my head said, “Hey, your dick is almost right there! You should try to suck it!”

A few retrospective thoughts. The first is my not knowing why this thought jumped in and all over my head. The next is that I’m actually proud that I could do it, but I must’ve been out of my mind, too. The next half-hour was spent trying to figure out how to suck my own dick and, well, shit, just bending over wasn’t working and I remember laughing at all the times I’ve ever said that I wish that I had a lot more dick than what I had. The science nerd took over and calculated that just bending over – and eyeballing the distance between the head of my dick and my mouth – said that I was inches short of just being able to bend over and do it.

After several attempts at this, my back promised to really make me regret it should I keep trying. As I got dressed, I was thinking that trying to blow myself was a stupid idea but the thought of doing it stayed stuck in my head and now I’m determined to do it and no matter what it took. The one thing that became apparent was that I needed to stretch since, um, 20-something me wasn’t as limber as, oh, 14-something me used to be. Not a problem because I remembered the stretching exercises learned in judo class and the science nerd calculated that it was going to take a little bit of time for me to get used to the exercises again and it was good that one of the exercises we learned was… swinging our legs up and over our head.

I was determined to do this. Failure wasn’t an option. As chance would have it, I had gotten with a guy who could suck himself and he showed me how he did it. The science nerd said, “Yes! That’ll work!” but my body said, “I don’t know about that…” but watching him blow himself for a few got me all hot and bothered. The thing that the part of my mind that is no-nonsense, cold and calculating had noticed that this guy had like ten inches of dick and he was quite skinny and thinner than I was – and a lot of people said I was skinny so that should tell you something. Yeah, the part of my mind that was running with this didn’t pay attention to these facts and I figured that if he position himself in the way he did – legs over the head – then, shit, yeah, I could, too.

If y’all are laughing at this point, I’d not be mad at you.

Over the next few weeks, I stretched and spent every moment I had to myself on the bed, legs over my head and I kept getting close and close. Jerking off proved to be interesting but I figured it out so that I could cum in my mouth and learning that… I needed to improve my aim. Being in the position was doing a number on my lower back and abdominal muscles and breathing, well, I had to make some adjustments because the closer I got to doing it, the more I was contorting and compressing my body and, well, my lungs informed me that they were going to file a cease-and-desist order if I didn’t get it figured out. Which I did since, you know, breathing is a nice thing to do.

One of the things I had to do was… explain to my wife why I had been moving around like I was 200 years old and it wasn’t like I was going to tell her what I was trying to do but I did tell her that I’d been stretching and doing crunches and getting back into some kind of shape – not that I was that much out of shape but obviously not in the shape I needed to be in to give myself a blowjob. But I was getting closer; I didn’t have to worry about my aim all that much because the science nerd calculated that I was no more than an inch away from being able to lick the head of my dick. More stretching. More moments of folding myself up until, one day, I stuck my tongue out and had the incredible experience of licking the head of my dick until I shot into my mouth.

I was hyped! My body said, “That should be good enough and you need to stop before you really hurt something.” My brain said, “You’re really, really close! You can’t give up now! Keep at it!” Yeah, I wasn’t content to just be able to lick the head of my dick because the task at hand was to suck my dick. More stretching and contorting until, one day, I flipped over into the position – and it was easier to do it now and… the head of my dick went right between my lips! Excelsior! Aw, man, what a bunch of strange sensations that was! Of course, I knew what it felt like to suck dick and I knew what it felt like to have my dick sucked and here I am doing both. I was able to maneuver my body to kinda/sorta fuck into my mouth – my back filed an injunction and so did my neck – but it felt so good and I wasn’t going to stop until I came right in my mouth and, wow, what a fucking rush that was! Again, I knew what it felt like for a guy to cum in my mouth and what it felt like when I’d cum in someone’s mouth but to experience both of these sensations?

It… wasn’t enough. I had to get more of myself in my mouth! My body said, “You done lost your mind.” My mind said, “You know, the body isn’t wrong about that. Look, you set out to suck your own dick – and something a lot of guys aren’t able to do, by the way – and you proved that you can get all of the head of your dick in and suck it… so leave it alone and be happy that you can do it.”

Yeah, I wasn’t going to do that. All along the line, I was suffering some setbacks because of pulled muscles and getting cramps in places that I didn’t know could cramp. All of that pain and discomfort was necessary so that I could now easily get the head of my dick in my mouth and suck myself off. I should have been happy with that. I wasn’t. I needed more dick in my mouth. The bisexual cocksucker living in my head was egging me on despite the aches and pains. But wait – it got better!

One day, I had just finished sucking myself off (and I didn’t feel that I really was) and got unfolded when my wife came home and… I knew I had to kiss her in greeting and just saying, “Hey, you’re home!” wasn’t gonna cut it and, besides, it would have been out of character. Of course, the problem was that I’d just got finished swallowing a load of my own cum and… I kissed her anyway even though I knew two things: She’d be able to smell me on my face and taste what I was still tasting and more so when tongues were involved in the kiss. Oh shit. You idiot. The kiss broke and, sure enough, she’s giving me a look as her brain was processing what she was smelling on skin and tasting on my lips and in my mouth.

“What were you up to while I was out?” she asked.

Okay. At this point, I knew that she knew what I had been up to but she was going to make me tell her anyway. And I told her. And got her, “You must be the fuck out of your mind!” look and then… she started laughing. I do mean laughing so hard and so much that she was literally on the floor, in the fetal position, and holding her sides. I don’t get embarrassed easily, but I was extremely embarrassed and felt very much like the head village idiot. Once she got herself back under some semblance of control, all she said was, “There’s something wrong with you…”

She wasn’t all that wrong. I had proven to myself that I could do it. Rather easily at this point in things. But the bisexual cocksucker in my head wasn’t satisfied and my brain rolled its metaphorical eyes because it knew that I wasn’t going to be satisfied until I could get more than the head into my mouth. I would spend a lot of time thinking and rethinking why I was so determined to do this. Okay. Sucking a guy off was so hot and exciting. The feel of him in my mouth along with the tastes, sounds, and even the sight of opening my eyes and seeing how much of him wasn’t in my mouth. That moment of feeling his dick swell and pulsing gouts of cum into my mouth. Heavenly. The only thing better was eating pussy.

Conversely, being sucked – and sucked off – was some intensely heady stuff – and the pun is seriously intended. Engaging all of my senses. Feeling the pressure building and the release is breathtaking and, oh, hell, yeah. Logic suggested a few things to me and the first was that I did prove that I could blow myself. The next was that it wasn’t like there weren’t enough dicks around for me to suck because there were three guys in our apartment complex who were down with us sucking each other off and, as such, it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting sucked or sucked off. So why did I need to keep punishing my body when I didn’t have to?

Why do people climb mountains? Why does anyone do anything they think or feel that they have to do? I had challenged myself to do this and then pushed myself to do more… but I didn’t have to do more and, yes, I should have been happy and content to be able to do what a lot of guys talked about but couldn’t do. Yet, it wasn’t enough to be able to do what I could do. It didn’t make sense to push it and run the risk of actually hurting myself, well, more than I’d done in order to be able to do what I could do. Logic suggested that I should just leave it at that. I could do it. One of the most incredible feelings I’ve ever experienced. Leave it as is.

And I didn’t. A couple of days later, I got more of my dick into my mouth. It was fucking glorious to better feel my own dick pumping my own cum into my mouth and, this time, with a well-lubricated finger in my ass because… why not? The explosion of those multiple sensations was beyond incredible but, importantly, I finally felt that sense of accomplishment that had been missing, and which had driven me to this moment.

And I heard my wife say, “I hope you left something for me.”

Yeah. Oh shit. We had quite the conversation after I proved that I did have something left for her. I’m trying to explain all of this to her and I wasn’t sure if she understood what I was trying to say. It’s not like she didn’t know about my bisexuality because she did and because of the open nature of our marriage, it wasn’t like she didn’t know that, sometimes, I slept with men, and I was definitely sucking them off and being sucked off by them (and a few women but they didn’t really factor into this). I said, “I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it; I wanted to know what it felt like and for myself because, sure, some guy who can do it can tell me what it’s like for him but that’s not the same.”

She said that she understood… but I was still didn’t have the sense that God supposedly had given me. Still and for the next year, any time I was by myself, and I wanted to cum, why “settle” for jerking off when I can blow myself? And almost exactly a year from the date I first got the head of my dick into my mouth and officially sucked myself off, I… stopped doing it. Many years later – and when I was telling a guy I was about to blow about this experience – he had asked me why I had stopped and… I didn’t have an answer because I didn’t know why myself. I guessed that it took a whole year for the thrill of it to pack its bags and leave.

I sat and watched both of the clips of guys sucking themselves. One guy actually came in his mouth while the other shot his load all over himself – and the bisexual cocksucker in my head said, “What a waste…” and I went about looking and reading the stuff I had been looking for and even found a new game that I’m giving a try. Still, this was still kinda stuck in my head. Thinking about that time when I was talking to my protege about the clip he had sent me of a guy sucking himself off and him talking about how cool and nice it would be to be able to do that… and I told him that, once upon a time, I could do it and wound up running out of words trying to convey to him what that feels like.

I put myself through some physically trying shit to be able to do it. Current Me wonders if being able to blow myself was really worth all the effort, aches, and pains I put myself through to be able to do it… and then all because I was putting on my socks, dropped one and, yeah, there was my dick. It was “right there.” That voice that said, “You can do it!” and… I did it. For male cocksuckers, this is like the Holy Grail of cocksucking. Being able to shoot a load at your mouth is one thing and if your aim is true, ya might even get some cum in your mouth. That’s one thing but sucking your own dick? Now, the “scary” part.

I have had dreams of sucking my dick and they’ve been somewhat recurring. I remember them. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and just leaned over and started giving myself one hell of a blow job… and have awakened and being puzzled because I can taste my own cum in my mouth and, yes, I do know what it tastes like. Being even more confused because there’s no way in hell that I’m in the shape needed to do it unless I wanted to wind up in the hospital. Chalking it up to how dreams can feel so real that upon awakening, you just know that the dream was real… or was it? I don’t know. Opining to myself that the reality of the dream was messing with my conscious mind and making it believe that I had sucked myself off. That didn’t explain when, one morning I’m staring at my face to see if I needed to shave, I’m kinda puzzled about the taste in my mouth that isn’t morning breath and I notice that I have… a streak of something white and flaky on my lips and partly on my face… and I knew it wasn’t saliva.

I used a finger to capture some of the flaky stuff and stuck my finger into my mouth so my tongue could analyze it. It could be saliva and I was just drooling. It wasn’t saliva and, again, I know what my cum tastes like. Impossible! Playing with the thought about it being possible since, being asleep, there’s no tension in my body and could I have sucked myself off and like how sleepwalking can happen? Yeah, shit’s getting weird at this point, and I have no plausible explanation for this other than my own mind fucking with me and then because, a long time ago, I could give myself a blowjob and it’s not like my brain doesn’t remember it. Purely a sympathetic response to a dream but, um, where did the cum on my face come from? I could have had a wet dream and somehow gotten it on my fingers and wound up touching my lips and face but no residual cum “stain” in my underwear, which I would expect if I had a wet dream and nothing on my hands but that doesn’t prove anything, right?

Being unable to shake the very real and certain feeling that I did it and there’s “evidence” sometimes. Being in that state that I’m dreaming… and I know that I am, which makes this even scarier and puzzling. That I’m a cocksucking fiend is nothing new and sucking dick is part of having sex on the brain – nothing new about that, either.

Weird, huh? Even more so when this very thing comes up on the forum and there are the guys who wish they could do it, the guys who have been able to do it and… the guys who dreamed that they did it and woke up with the very certain knowledge that they did it… and they know that they can’t. I wondered if I was “the only dude” who had dreams like this but, nah, very and highly unlikely but I’ve read where “too many” guys have had this very same experience of dreaming that they sucked themselves off. This isn’t so much a sexuality thing because I’ve had this conversation with guys I knew were very straight and given the many times I’ve been in such conversations, it’s… a guy thing. More of a flight of fancy but, yeah, there are some guys who can blow themselves.

Man, wouldn’t it be something if you could suck your own dick? Yeah, it would be… and I know it for a fact. I can laugh at myself about the whole thing and even as I’ve been writing this, but I can appreciate how determined I was to be able to do this even though it wasn’t that easy to do. Such an amazing experience to give and receive at the same time. The somewhat crazy thought that if you can suck your own dick, you “really don’t” need to be involved in the hassles that are inherent when you want to suck dick and be sucked. That sense of great accomplishment. Having clear thoughts about why in the hell did I just do that when I didn’t need to? And the unassailable answer of, “Because I could.”

Understanding that part of what drove me to put myself through this was, in fact, my sexuality and my love of oral sex. Giving it. Receiving it. Men and women. Very much a part of what it means to be bisexual and sexually active this way. That “guy thing” some guys go through wondering what their cum tastes like and a how some guy can’t get past the moment of refraction to be able to taste it. And those who can taste it just might wonder what it would be like to (a) shoot into their mouth or (b) give themselves a blowjob. Then again, why do it yourself when there are men and women who wouldn’t mind being in a 69 and for some mutual oral satisfaction? Is it worth the effort?

It is… and it isn’t. I know – that sound conflicting. I think about what it took for me to be able to do it and pulling back muscles, getting cramps and, one time, almost choking myself out because I had my head in the wrong position and, yeah, let’s not do that again, shall we? Having to confess and explain to my wife that, yeah, I was sucking my own dick. Being laughed at, not because what I was doing was ridiculous but because it was funny and being able to laugh at myself. It was still embarrassing, and she was a very good sport about it and she understood since she could easily suck her own nipples so, in a way, she knew like I did… except she didn’t have to go through all the shit I did in order to experience something that is… unique.

Knowing what it’s like to suck a dick and get his cum. Knowing what it’s like to be sucked and giving up my cum to those who wanted it. A rush to end all rushes to experience both things at the same time. That it’s seriously not the same as jerking off and hustling to get it into my mouth before it cools because, um, cum tastes better when it’s still at or close to body temp… and you can accurately guess how I know that. As a bisexual man, I have a thing about cum and methinks we all do if we suck cock and getting a mouthful of it is the thing we need. I… do not pretend to understand this about us and even guys in general.

I know more guys who are or have been curious about what their own cum tastes like than I do guys who, if you asked them about this, they’d say, “Ew! Oh, fuck no!” I have, in fact, suggested to guys who wondered why their women sucked them off that one time and hadn’t done it since and especially if she made that face upon tasting his stuff that, hmm, you might want to give it a taste and if you don’t like it, chances are good she doesn’t like it, either. Not that they were going to do that, but the logic is sound and some guys I have suggested this to agreed that the logic is sound, and they tasted their cum and… hmm, gotta change some stuff and, yeah, acquiring the taste at the same time. Or not. Lends itself to why she’s not sucking you off.

I share this for those who might wonder what it is about us bi guys and wanting to suck cock and swallow cum and, yeah, the things we’ll do toward this end and including wondering if we could suck ourselves… and those of us who have “what it takes” to be able to do it. I have said that if I had 10 or 11 inches of dick, shit, I’d be blowing myself damned near all of the time; I’ve seen clips of guys jerking off, they are quite “blessed,” and they’re all hunched over as they work their hand on their dick and think, “If he leaned over just a little more, he could blow himself…” instead of yapping about how he wants someone to suck his good and big dick and he’s probably yapping because no one wants to blow him and, yeah, listening to him talking shit while jerking off would make me not want to blow him because he’s on camera and proving that he’s my idea of an asshole.

If you don’t suck cock, it might be hard to understand this. If you’ve ever been traumatized behind sucking cock, eh, you might not have favorable thoughts about it and, yeah, for a guy to not only suck cock but go through some shit trying to suck his own cock? Who does that? And would it surprise you that a lot of guys, at the very least, gives it a try? Just being able to get into the position to launch a load of creamy goodness into their mouth – or close enough for government work – is quite the accomplishment which makes actually doing it… the shit and more so if you gotta put in some work to be able to do it. Why? Because for some really odd reason, just… shooting it from a distance is okay but not… good enough. I can’t explain it. The dream thing? Curious and puzzling but not something I’m losing any sleep over and more so when I don’t have that dream all that often but when I do, yeah. Did I really do it or is my mind still fucking with me?

Doesn’t matter because I know what it’s like to suck my own dick and, yeah, I do wish I could still do it because there hasn’t been a sexual experience that I’ve had that really comes close to what it feels like to suck dick, be sucked, and I’m the one doing both things. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? I thought so, too – and did it anyway.

Men. Go figure, huh?