Before I passed out last night, I remember seeing a tweet where someone was bitching about sex and bisexuality being so closely associated with each other and like sex is the only thing that bisexuals are interested in. I thought the tweeter was… naive because the “sex” part of bisexual is… part of the whole.
Not everyone can or wants to slide over to the other side and find out what having same-sex sex is like but, yeah. This. The thing that one might know about because, well, we know how homosexuals have sex. Knowing about it isn’t the same as indulging in it but I’ve been aware, for the longest time, about a… push to make bisexuality less about the sex and more about relationship stuff.
Or “hearts, not parts.” I clearly remember being told and taught that when it comes to girls, I should not just want to have sex with them and if I do, it’s because we’re in a relationship… and such as those things tended to be when you’re young and even more so when you start going to school, are very damned interested in girls and you could be her boyfriend this morning… and she’d be someone else’s girlfriend by lunch time. Having that awareness that while there were girls I wanted to be my girlfriend, there were many more I just wanted to have sex with but since this was iffy, it wasn’t that much of a problem because there was always a guy who’d want to have sex.
And it could be pretty damned good. “Nasty” and in that way that’s actually a good thing. That indescribable thrill of doing something that you know good and damned well that you’re not ever supposed to do and for any reason… because there are girls who’ll let you get at them and happily so. Which was all well and good if you could convince her to give you some, right? Right. I would say that I had… less problems with this than a lot of the guys I knew and hung around with and, yep, had sex with “quite a few” of them.
I grew up learning how… weird we can be about having sex. Learning that there are rules that are to be followed that mandate who you can have sex and under some specific conditions and, well, okay… but I’d already found out that the rules were bullshit because while guys are supposed to only have sex with girls, yeah, the people who made these rules assumed that you could hit on a female for sex and she’s just gonna give it up and that’s because it’s what she’s supposed to do… but women, back in those days, didn’t have a lot of value and, yeah, you could buy a wife for the price of a couple of goats, four sheep, and a decent oxen or two. I understood that because women were treated as chattel, that… changed a lot of shit with them and more so when they put their foot down and decreed that they had more value than someone to use as a cum dump and baby-making machine.
You either learn to understand why women are the way they are about sex and you accept it as-is… or you don’t and chances are that your chances to get between their legs will be severely limited – there’s a reason why we call it “getting lucky.” So, yeah, the alternative was to… have sex with a guy. Masturbating is a fun thing to do if not inherently… messy but there are times when you can spend the whole day jerking off and… it’s not all that satisfying… but if you were to actually have some kind of sex with someone, yeah – that’s the ticket but… yeah, girls. But if you didn’t mind – and you were desperate and not of a mind to suffer another painful bout of blue balls – um, shit, doing something with a guy was “better than nothing” and a lot of guys found that it’s way better than nothing and, really, what’s all the fuss about guys getting busy with each other because, on the whole, it’s not that bad!
And give that us guys are hard-wired to want to have sex, um, having sex with another guy… takes care of that need. Can be very damned scary at first but if you can get used to it – and as long as nobody else finds out that you’re doing it with a guy – yeah, it just works and more so when, usually, you didn’t have to go through all that stuff that girls required and demanded before you could even touch her goodies, let alone do anything else. And if you weren’t willing to meet their demands, you weren’t getting any pussy. When you consider that, in my generation, we were told and taught not to display any emotion that could be seen as being weak and that included… being pussy-whipped. Wrapped around a girl’s finger and, essentially, enslaved to her and girls knew that their pussies gave them great power over us and they weren’t afraid to wield it and not always in a nice way.
Not that us guys were saints, mind you. But as I’ve written so many times, you stood a better chance of getting a blowjob from a guy than you did convincing a girl that it’d be okay if she’d let you fuck her. The… same result without all the muss and fuss. A lot of guys mindfucking themselves into believing that if they did something with a guy, um, it’s not really gay because it wasn’t like we were gonna be real boyfriends. It remained true that if you couldn’t convince a girl to give you some, your options were severely limited and, hmm, I wonder what it’s like to do it with a guy? You hear… stuff about it and especially being fucked in the ass and ew and ouch, right?
An “innate” understanding that you can have sex with a guy and still be “the man” in this deal but, hmm, “being the girl…” might be fun, too, and I firmly believe that we innately understood that one of us had to be the girl and, yeah, we could take turns being the girl. Sucking a guy’s dick… wasn’t that bad, well, until guys got smacked upside the head with puberty and could ejaculate but that… wasn’t really that bad if you could get past how it tasted and felt in your mouth. Having a guy squeezing it in your ass was, okay, yeah – it does hurt but, hmm, if you relax and all that, it gets to feel good and weirdly good when he cums in you.
And if this is what you had to do to take care of that persistent need to have sex, well, okay… as long as no one else finds out that you did and now you’re like those faggots and sissies that we were told were the worst people who were ever born. And, yeah, finding out that having sex with a real-deal sissy… could be better than having sex with a girl since sissies acted like girls to begin with.
Despite what that tweeter said, sex and bisexuality has always been hand-in-hand. The more emotional and/or romantic aspects have never been off the table and, depending on some stuff, it could be just as good of a thing and… when you like someone like that, it just makes whatever sex you have… better. But you also didn’t have to like guys in the same way that gay dudes liked guys and, as I’ve said, you just had to like the guy enough to want to have sex with him and that made sense given that you weren’t likely to get busy with an enemy or someone you just didn’t like for some reason.
It’s okay to be able to get into your feelings with someone because, if nothing else, it’s just how you feel about them and whether they feel the same about you or not and there’s nothing you can do about the way you feel but when you’re a guy, well, yeah, that’s not where your feelings should be going and directed at and more so in a sexual way. The truth in this is that you don’t have to have the sex to be bisexual, but you also don’t have to be in a relationship in order to validate your bisexual thoughts and feelings. It’s about what you think and how you feel but the thing is that… we want to act on our feelings because there are some “rules” about what you’re supposed to do when you really, really like someone – but those rules don’t take into account or consideration that you can really, really like… another guy… and, yeah, enough that if sex was proposed, um, er, sure – why not?
I know bisexuals who have never taken the plunge and they don’t want or need to. The sex doesn’t define bisexuality… but it sure ain’t bad. If you can, you can and if you can’t, you can’t. It’s not rocket science and when you can strip away all of the social silliness, it’s not really all that complicated and, yeah, it’s okay to like girls one way and to like guys in a different way; a lot of bisexual men will tell you in a hurry that they love women for love, sex, and relationships and the like guys… for the sex and, at best, friendship. Nothing to see here as far as I’m concerned but these “modern bisexuals” have some… interesting notions about what bisexuality is and yeah, hearts should be the primary focus and the parts… somewhere down the list and way down there.
And that’s actually okay since this is how we are told and taught to go about interacting with each other in the opposite sex way of things and… nothing to see here but… sex. Yeah, buddy. “June Bug” asks me if he can suck my dick and… if I like him, I’m not going to say no and it’s just part of the deal for me to suck his dick. Likewise, for fucking but, yeah, stuff changes and all that and you learn what you like and don’t and all that good stuff and, yeah, it’s… just sex. You also learn that while you might not mind, there are many who do mind and, yeah, all that social/moral stuff that, again, bisexuality takes and… trashes the shit out of it and especially in the having sex department.
If you’re bisexual and not having the sex, well, okay… but if you are throwing it all down? It’s not the problem that I think people are making it out to be because… it’s just sex. It’s going to be whatever you want it to be or can make it. I mean, I can just have sex with a woman and more so if she’s not of a mind to be bothered with a relationship; we’re just scratching each other’s itches although, sure, if we find that we’re good at it, sure – the next time she needs that itch scratched, I might get another chance to scratch them for her and… nothing more than that. I’ll say that guys “used to” do things in this very NSA way but things change and, today, methinks that I’d have an easier time getting some pussy than I would getting some dick.
And if you have any idea of the way this used to be, you understand how… surprising this is. You would never, ever, hear me say that bisexuality shouldn’t be all about the sex… because I know that for many men and women, it is all about the sex and a form of intimacy that our morals don’t approve of… because getting laid feels pretty fucking good. I started to say something to the tweeter about… how fucking naive they are to imply that bisexuality shouldn’t be “sex-focused” because, um, duh, do you not know how bisexuals become bisexual? Almost all of the bisexual men and women I personally know became bisexual… because they had the sex and it just frigging worked for them but, then again, sex is supposed to work for us… right?
By implying or “insisting” that bisexuality shouldn’t be “all about the sex” is the same kind of slut shaming we’ve employed against having sex to begin with; being told who you can have sex with; being told when you’re allowed to have sex with someone; being told what you can do when you have sex with someone and what you can’t do. I learned that… this doesn’t work like they say it’s supposed to but if this tweeter is trying to invoke hearts over parts and at every turn, yeah, that’s some pretty naive shit and, methinks, they don’t know shit about the reality of things because it is not wrong to lust after someone’s parts; it’s not wrong to… um, fornicate even though it’s a sin and one that I’m pretty sure most of us have been guilty of and more than “a few times.”
If you carry some shame about your thoughts and feelings about having sex, well, that’s you. If you wanna do things the way they’re supposed to be done – and adjusted to accommodate your bisexuality – that’s you, too… but it ain’t all of us and it will never be all of us. I’m sure that what the tweeter tweeted is their take on things – it’s their opinion but from where I’m sitting, they’ve drank the Kool-Aid if they believe that the parts have less importance than the hearts and that the sex part of bisexuality shouldn’t garner so much attention and importance.
I’m thinking that person needs a serious wakeup call and pay more attention to the reality of things. Humans… love having sex; it is very damned important and in a lot of ways that, well, you should know this even if you, too, believe that hearts have more importance than partaking of the parts. It’s… okay to think about bisexuality having to be handled a certain way but the moment you start peeking between your fingers at the way it can be – and being weird about it – then, methinks, that’s a problem and more so when, on the whole, we’re weird about just having sex to begin with.
That person, ideally, should accept that for a lot of bisexuals, it is about the sex… but not without any understanding of the non-sexual aspects that comes with bisexuality, you know, if that’s how you’re feeling. Still, if I’m kicked back and watching the game with a guy and that… moment comes when, um, yeah, we can do something else while we’re watching the game, okay – I won’t mind if he doesn’t and more so when it’s very damned unlikely that I’d be there with him if he was someone I had reason not to like and in any way that means to me. At the root of it, it is… just sex. We both get our nuts busted and… back to watching the game and we both might act like… it never happened. Nothing to see here. Grown up boys being grow up boys and all that. If we… make this a thing between us, all well and good. A guy I consider to be a friend, um, needs some help? Sure, I’ll give him some help if he wants it and it’s… nothing more than that. Whatever happens after that – or doesn’t happen – will be… whatever it’s gonna be. It’s… better when you, bluntly, give a fuck about each other but parts before hearts… isn’t as evil as we believe it to be…
But it is very damned human. I get that we “want” bisexuality to follow heteronormative norms; I understand that they can if that’s how someone wants to go about things but to insinuate that all bisexuals have to play by these rules is… unrealistic and quite naive in my opinion. I know all too well the way it’s supposed to be and regardless to sexual orientation… but I also know how it can be, too.
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