Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “That’s Gotta Hurt a Little, Huh?”

As I sat astride him, I was sweating so much that it felt like being under a waterfall of sorts; I was hot and sticky with sweat trickling into my eyes. I ignored these things and just as I was ignoring the rather obscene, squishy sounds coming from beneath me as I moved myself all over his dick… and I couldn’t ignore that so much. He was huge – not just long but thick, too, with a cock knob so big that when I was sucking him, I had a bit of a problem getting it in my mouth… but that monstrosity got sucked.

Not five minutes ago, he had been where I was now and as he moved and gyrated, I was kind of in thrall watching his massive erection bobbing all over the place and, admittedly, just a bit envious. Not because he had a big dick; I hadn’t cared about dick size one bit. No: My envy was over the fact that he was hard to begin with, something that I’d never been able to do when someone was screwing me. I had shot my load into him and it seemed to delight him as he smiled broadly and… giggled while urging me to give it all to him.

He got off of me, grabbed the bottle of lubricant – and a lube that I wasn’t “happy” with. I’d tested its slickness and found it to be too thin for my liking and as I struggled to keep my eyes open to see him applying huge globs of it to his dick, I knew his impending entry into me was going to be a lot more not-easy than his size and girth was already predicting. He handed me the bottle and I used a lot of it to get myself as lubricated as possible; the scientist in me had already determined that given its lack of slickness, once he got inside me, it would wear away quickly. My thoughts, as I straddled him – and because he had said, “I want you on top…” was that this was going to be interesting to deal with his “monster meat” as well as the scorching friction I knew would show up at some point.

Truth was I wasn’t quite ready; my body hadn’t fully come down and “reset” after my release but this wasn’t just a matter of honor; I wanted him in me and, in part, “tired” of listening to him talk about how big his dick was and all that other stuff that, again, meant absolutely nothing to me. I positioned myself above him; I could see the anticipatory look in his eyes as I rubbed that huge knob against my hole before taking a long, deep breath and relaxing… and sat right down on him without a moment of hesitation. I felt his knob shove my muscles aside like they weren’t even there; I imagined a ripping sound as his head passed into me and I know I winced a little but kept going anyway until I got all of his dick in me that was going in me.

“Damn…” he had said as I took more deep breathes and willed my body to relax even more. He’d seen what I’d done and I guess that his exclamation was due to him not having someone do that often if at all. I began to move; the discomfort of his entry was almost forgotten; nothing mattered at this point other than his cock sliding in and out of me and getting to the moment when he’d cum in me. I “hated” to admit to how much I wanted to feel him do this… but I also remembered how I had been feeling before I’d met him: I needed to get screwed and nothing was going to make that need go away other than what was happening right now.

It was strangely quiet with little of the “usual verbalizations” one could expect. We were both breathing heavily, the bed was making noises due to our movements; that squishy sound was less noticeable – as predicted, the slipperiness didn’t hold up all that well and the friction being generated wasn’t totally unpleasant as it was doing a number on my prostate and sending orgasmic shivers through me as well as that feeling that I either had to pee… or I had to cum: I was never sure which was which. Despite all of that, I was still moving atop him and as a lot of women had inadvertently taught me every time they’d ridden me; his groans and increasing thrusts told me that he was enjoying being inside me and as much as I was enjoying him being there.

They say all good things must end… and this wasn’t any different. He was thrusting into me so hard and fast that it was to my benefit to stop moving. I was getting more and more uncomfortable; the friction he was creating in me could be felt a lot more and making me even more uncomfortable… but there was nothing to be done about it and only one thing could act as a salve. I felt his dick swell a mere moment before he gasped, started cussing – why do guys do that? – and then his dick was pulsing very strongly inside of me. I couldn’t feel his cum shooting into me but those pulses were telling me everything I needed to know. A crazy-assed thought flashed through my mind – well, two of them did. The first was a memory from my past of being screwed and the guy was cumming inside and had me thinking that he was trying to get me pregnant… and the next thought was that if I was a girl – and given how much his dick was still pumping strongly – he would probably well and truly knock me up.

Then, stillness. No other sounds than his heavy breathing that covered up my sigh of satisfaction and relief or, really, momentary relief because due to his length and thickness – and his gradual softening didn’t make him any less girthy – now I had to get him out of me and, um, kinda aiding that in that certain way wasn’t going to help much in this situation. I slowly eased myself off of him; I don’t know if he even noticed the look of concentration on my face. I could have just gotten off of him but experience had taught me about muscular rebounding and how some muscles act just like rubber bands and when they suddenly stop being stretched, they snap back to the way they were so, no – just hopping off wasn’t something I wanted to do because that “snapback” not only didn’t feel good, it had a tendancy to make me want to throw up. It took me a good minute to ease him out of me; he sighed and so did I but probably not for the same reasons. I flopped down next to him; between my earlier release and my efforts atop him, I was quite tired and, importantly, the need to be screwed and creamed had been sated.

For now. We lay side by side grinning at each other and telling each other how good everything was when he suddenly asked, “That’s gotta hurt a little, huh?”

Yeah, it did but that’s just part and parcel of things. I recall overhearing – and having others “testify” that being fucked in the ass hurts like a motherfucker and such a thing should be avoided at all times and at all costs. What I had learned, silly me, that it can hurt like that motherfucker going in but the more you relax – and the more slipperiness being involved – at some point the pain and other discomfort will fade into the background… as long as the guy isn’t trying to pound the crap out of you.

To his question, I just shrugged because it is what it is and I’d long since understood that in this, there is no pleasure without a modicum of discomfort… or a lot of it and depending. I did say, “That’s to be expected…” and since I was looking at him, I saw him nod in agreement and understanding. My mind flashed back to the moment I had entered him and while I wasn’t as long or as thick as he was, yeah, he felt me just the same.

“It just hurts so good,” he had said as he idly toyed with my nipple that was closest to him.

“Yeah, it does,” I agreed. My body involuntarily shuddered as it remembered what it felt like having him making contact with my prostate and what I’d been doing to… maximize that contact. It’s a weird feeling that feels good but not all that much; it’s always made me think that the male prostate is insane in that it likes being “touched” and doesn’t.

“You were doing a number on my prostate,” he said and as if he somehow knew what I was thinking about.

“Like you weren’t doing a number on mine?” I asked and he actually had the “nerve” to look sheepish and, perhaps, a bit embarrassed. I wasn’t sure… and I didn’t care all that much; I just wanted to come down off that orgasmic high I most certainly experienced… and to do a bit of cleaning since, um, I was, let’s say, leaky. We got up and made our way to the bathroom to take care of what was made necessary; I didn’t know about him but I was now a bit sore and my insides – and thanks to his probably cheap lube – felt like I had a bit of rug burn. It crossed my mind for a moment as we washed up that given his length and girth and how… vigorously I rode him, I was going to be “walking funny” until things settled down… and that, too, was to be expected just as not being able to sit comfortably for a few was.

“You know, I would have been happy if all we did was suck each other off,” he had said. “But, I knew I wanted you to fuck me – ain’t that weird?”

“Not really because I was thinking the same thing,” I said; I wasn’t about to tell him that I had been jonesing to get the high hard one for a few days and if we hadn’t agreed to screw each other, when we’d met, I was already hatching a plan to get him inside me and scratch that itch… and it was pure chance that he was very well equipped to scratch that itch really good.

“The first time I did this? I didn’t think I was going to like it,” he said. “Did you know that you would?”

“No – I had no idea about it at all until the guy who did me tried to stick it in me. He couldn’t and what little he did get in me did hurt… then it felt good and then he shot his load all over my hole and that felt even better,” I said, my mind racing back to that “fateful” day. “After that, it just made sense… if that makes sense. Just like sucking dick, it felt… deliciously wicked and nasty to do something we weren’t supposed to be doing.”

“I know that’s right,” he agreed. “Do you it every time you’re with a guy?”

“Not anymore,” I admitted. “When I was younger, getting fucked was a given; if a guy wanted to fuck you, there was no question about him being fucked. At some point, though, doing it as a matter of course stopped being the fun it once was so nowadays, I only do it when, well, when I feel the need to or, in your case, with someone I feel comfortable enough with.”

“Yeah, me, too,” he said as he nodded. “I found out that because my dick was so big and fat, a lot of girls would run away from me but the fellas? They liked that I was big and fat and, yeah, I felt that if I fucked them, it was only right that they fucked me, that and, um, I liked being fucked.”

“You said it right,” I said. “Besides – if guys wanna fuck each other, there’s only one place other than their mouths, right?”

“Yep!” he said with a laugh but quickly sobered up and said, “I used to feel bad to think that I’ve probably been fucked more than most women I know have.”

“I’ve felt like that myself,” I admitted. “And it’s probably true, to an extent. I just had to learn not to be embarrassed or feel weird about it. It feels good and that’s all that matters.”

“Guys are too scared because they think it’ll make them gay or some shit like that,” he said; I could pick up a hint of frustration in his voice and one that I, too, knew all too well.

“Most people are,” I said. “You’re either into it or you aren’t and there’s reason for both.”

We both got quiet after that and returned to his bedroom to start looking for our clothes that got discarded in a hurry not all that long ago. I was still looking for one of my socks when he asked, “Do you have time for us to, uh, suck each other off, you know, one for the road?”

I probably didn’t but since I had so much fun sucking him earlier, I thought it would be a great idea to do it again and this time be able to feel and taste his cum and I thought it would be “wicked” and “nasty” to suck the dick that, not all that long ago, had been buried in my ass and more so now that it was nice and clean again.

After we blew each other’s brains out, it was time to go. We both agreed that we should get together again to do this but I also had a sense that we were both just being polite and that chances were good that our first time together would be our last. Not that it hadn’t been fun having sex with him but, yeah, sometimes, that’s just the way it goes. If nothing else, I would always have the memory of what it was like to have him inside of me and so deep that I really could feel it in my stomach and I was definitely going to remember feeling his dick pumping like mad and filing me up with his cum as well as the havoc his length and girth wreaked on my prostate.

My butt was sore and I squirmed on the seat of my car trying to get comfortable… and it was worth it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What Should I Do?”

Good question, huh? A lot of bisexuals who are ready to take the plunge usually knows what they want to experience and, often, specifically so… and some get stuck in neutral and aren’t all that sure about that. It’s not that they don’t know what’s possible in the same-sex mode; unless they’ve been living under a rock or in some very isolated place, yeah, chances are they know what can be done.

What they don’t know is whether or not they can (a) actually do it and (b) if they’re going to enjoy it as much as they think – and are hoping – they will. When I’ve talked to such bisexuals, this becomes a fuzzy kind of area because they’ll ask this question and I usually do that impolite thing of answering a question with a question:

“What do you want to do?”

A great deal of uncertainty going on at this point. As I wrote yesterday, with the exception of certain anatomical differences, if you can do something with and to a woman, you can do those same things with a man, from cuddling and kissing right up to oral and intercourse and, yeah, even if some… devices have to be employed.

Part of the uncertainty is the “belief” that having sex in the same-sex mode is very different and not everyone makes the connection that says, nah, not all that different.

In such conversations with men, I’ll go through the usual entry points: Masturbation, mutual masturbation, giving and/or receiving blow jobs. Not all guys jump right to anal sex right off the bat and some never go there at all but I’ve known some guys who’ve done that and usually because they already had that in their head for the thing they wanna do right out of the gate and some guys have actually practiced it with, um, their device of choice; they do tend to find out that the real thing is quite different and for a few reasons that I may or may not get into later in this scribble.

“What was the first thing you did?“

Sucked dick and swallowed. It is the thing that most guys experience first because, believe it or not, it’s one of the easiest first-things to do; jerking off with each other and jerking each other off is even easier once one gets past any modesty issues they have and feeling all kinds of weird about touching another man’s cock. I’ve explained to guys that there are times when things will start off… manually and can turn into oral after a fashion and I’ve had to explain that, no, I don’t know why that happens but it just “all of a sudden” seems to make sense to stop yanking on his prick and just suck it.

Yep… I’ve had to explain to guys how to suck a dick and how to be sucked. This might have you rolling your eyes or even laughing and I wouldn’t blame you if it did but remember: A lot of guys think this is so very different that the whole notion is rather alien… and even if they’ve ever had a woman go down on them and, yeah, if they’ve ever eaten pussy.

“What’s it like?“

I can tell them what it’s like for me but I’ll also tell them that whatever I say about that, what it’s gonna be like for them may be different and especially how they’re going to react to it. To the question of how to suck a dick, I’ve suggested that they should do it the way they like having it done to them; the only flaw in this is if they’ve never been sucked, well, they have no point of reference. Yes, they can watch all kinds of porn and see people doing it… but it’s not the same so much but I also recommend that they don’t try to deep throat a dick right away unless they want whatever’s in their stomach to come back and pay them a visit.

I also let them know that, somehow, a guy who has no idea how to do this can, once he gets started, just figures it out; I tell them that I’ve had first-timers go down on me and like they’ve been doing it all of their lives and making me think they were yanking my chain when they said they never did it before. Some guys are naturals and some guys really do have to learn how to give a blow job… and some guys have to learn how to get one and if you think that’s funny, well, I’m not trying to be funny.

I talk to them about expectations and the pros and cons of having them; I do my best to address their concerns, like, what if the other guy doesn’t cum – or they don’t – or he or themselves can’t maintain an erection; does it mean that whatever was going on wasn’t liked or there’s some inept lousiness going on? No, it doesn’t… and now I’m talking about how the male body works and what’ll make it not work as expected and, again, I am not kidding about this part. Yeah, you’d think that a guy would know how their body works but, again, this is a huge disconnect for a lot of guys and because it’s perceived as being so very different, their mind can’t connect the dots and more so if they’ve had such… performance issues with women, they can happen with guys and for a lot of the same reasons.

“I’ve heard about how this can go wrong – can this happen to me?“

Yes, it can and I advise them to not give someone else’s bad experience a whole lot of weight because, simply, that happened to them and you don’t know if something similar is going to happen for you. One of the things I learned about the horror stories is that when you hear one, you don’t always hear both sides of the story and some folks aren’t of a mind to let it be known that if the moment went sideways, um, they had something to do with that – but they’re often quick to blame the other person and/or themselves when, if you dig into the facts of matter, no one was really at fault – sometimes, shit just does not happen and if you wanna blame someone, blame Mr. Murphy and the “law” attached to the moniker.

And, yes: I have, at times, had to explain to a guy how to jerk another guy off and the disconnect I keep talking about is very much in play even with this. You’d think that if a guy knows how to jerk himself off, doing it to another guy should be a no-brainer. Sometimes it is just that… and, yep, rocket science is way easier… but this is exactly why I firmly believe that no first-timer should ever get tossed in to sink or swim. The only “exception” to this is those situations where shit spontaneously happens. There are those who believe that such things either never happen or they never should… and I’ll beg to differ big time since I’ve seen it happen and been all up in the middle of it either by choice or just being caught up in their moment.

“What if they wanna do something I don’t wanna do?“

Don’t do it and no matter how much shit they give you or try to pressure you into doing. A lot of the horror stories I’ve heard have taken place for this very reason, that and some first-timers are actually that naïve to believe that whatever the other person is saying to them in order to get them naked is them telling the truth where taking it slow and easy goes. No always means no and I’ll even suggest that if you don’t know how to make a person stop, you might want to learn how to do just that. For those wanting to have their first experience with me, I make it very clear that they can say “stop” at any time and for any reason and I will stop. It is not only the right thing to do but, yeah, I’ve heard some horror stories, too.

“If this was your first time, what would you do?“

That’s a question I can’t answer; I’m too much of a realist to speculate on something that is, for me, a very moot point and more so when I’ve pretty much done everything two guys can do to each other and what I haven’t done is because I didn’t want to and, yep, there are some things I won’t do with anyone for any reason.

For a lot of first-timers, all of this puts them in a precarious position if/when they’re not sure of what sexual thing they want to experience. They not only have to think about what they want to do but they also have to think about whether or not they can actually do it. I’ve sat with both men and women talking about this and we’re playing the “What If?” game and a lot of those “what ifs” cannot be definitively answered because a lot of them are things that there’s no way of knowing that they’ll appear… until they actually appear. Like, one of the more common ones: What if I don’t like the way his nut tastes? Well, that one is answerable: You can spit it out. Another is, “What if someone else finds out that I did this?”

Time to answer a question with a question – again: “Unless one of you tells someone else, how are they gonna know?” That’s actually a kind of loaded question and the real answer is rather involved. A lot of folks wind up getting outed… because they did it to themselves more than someone else running their mouth about it. And the “bad” part is that they can out themselves without knowing that they did… and you should never, ever discount how perceptive someone who knows you can be.

All of this – and a lot more – very much plays into being able to answer the question of, “What should I do?” and, you betcha – it’s a lot to think about and it does tend to defeat some folks due to the sheer number of possibilities and most of which are very deep in the unknown zone. It’s not as simple as picking the “easiest” thing to do and one usually has to do a lot of introspective thinking about this and provided, again, that one doesn’t already have something in mind and it seems that these days, a lot of people pretty much know what they wanna experience in their first time. I will, however, tell them to do their best not to get all fucked up in the head if their actual experience doesn’t match whatever they were thinking about.

“No plan survives first contact with the enemy.” This is a military thing that has a lot of truth behind it. Planners can come up with all sorts of plans and based upon what they think the enemy is going to do in response and, yeah, they don’t always do what you think they’re going to do… and one’s first time can happen in the same way. I know many will sit and think out scenario after scenario about how their first time is going to happen… and wind up being both disappointed and disillusioned because that’s not what actually happened or the whole thing went “off script” at some point or for some reason that no one thought about… because it’s almost impossible to predict the outcome of something that hasn’t happened. Again, that’s when most folks will “what if” themselves into major headaches trying to have Plans A through ZZZ and, I guess due to human nature, think about everything that could go wrong… and some believing that it will go wrong.

You can’t even really be sure that anything is going to happen at all and taking things one step at a time is, in my opinion, the best way to go about it; be in the moment and only in one moment at a time but we just have a habit of looking into the future or thinking about how things are going to wind up finishing… before they even get started. “What should I do?” isn’t always the no-brainer that it might appear to be and, to be honest, the only person that can answer that question is… yourself.

“This ain’t all that easy, is it?“

Nope, not for everyone but, yeah, for some, it can be that easy. The biggest “problem,” I think, is not really knowing what’s going to happen and finding out that thinking and doing really aren’t the same things. I’ve wound up sighing heavily and saying to some, “If you’re not sure of what you wanna do, give everything a try and try it more than once. Do something once to prove to yourself that you can do it and to get an idea if you liked it or not; then do it again to confirm things one way or another… and then do it again because what kills a lot of bisexuals’ sexual hopes and dreams is thinking that if it didn’t go right the first time, it will never go right.”

“It probably won’t take very long for you to find the things that you do like and the ones you’re not a fan of; a lot of doing this for the first time is really and truly trial and error and chances are good that you’re not gonna get it “right” the first time and that’s okay. You had to learn how to have sex in the first place and in this, it’s time to go back to school so you can learn another way to have sex and in a way that isn’t all that different from how you learned to have sex in the first place; the only thing that changes is the person – the acts are pretty much the same and interchangeable.”

As I’ve seen happen – and I’ve said this before and many times – when it comes to what to do the first time out, a lot of folks just say, “Fuck it!” to themselves and just dive on in and do… something because, as you can see, there’s a lot of stuff to think about and to consider and it can and will lock your brain up due to overthinking and some sensory overload. The first experience a lot of men and women have in this is oral sex and is, I’d say, usually, the thing that comes to mind and even more so if one has ever wondered what it would be like this way. It is usually one of the “weirdest” things to do but, as I said to one guy, “Do you remember the first time you ate pussy? You managed to get through that, right, and if so, you can get through sucking a dick for the first time. I’m sure you remember the first time you got your dick sucked; having a guy do it is only different because, duh, it’s a guy doing it – but what he’s doing isn’t different from what a woman would do, technique notwithstanding. If you survived that, you will survive having a guy blow you.”

And if one doesn’t, it’s usually because they’ve convinced themselves that they’re not going to “survive” it; we can very much be our own worst enemy in this and before one can even think about what, if anything, they wanna do, yeah – they’ve got a lot of very introspective thinking to do with themselves because they are gonna have to learn another way to have sex. I can tell you a lot about it… but I can’t do it for you. Making the choices and decisions will only be as difficult as you make them and I happen to know that a lot of people go out of their way to make this a very difficult thing to do. Like I said yesterday, you’re not only learning a new way to have sex – you’re learning a different way to look at and think about sex and that’s not going to make what to do any easier unless you commit yourself to making it easy for yourself and, yeah, pick the right person to have your first time with.

And that’s a whole different scribble…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: So, Now What?

It’s now decision time. If you’ve managed to accept and validate yourself you have some choices which are, simply, to do… or do not. This is also the part of the “program” where I advise that when pondering “now what,” think first then act if you must… or if you can… and I really mean that one should really and seriously think about it and for as long as it’s deemed necessary.

There is this great… compulsion to dive right on in and I have never been able to figure out what’s driving this other than, after thinking through all of the stuff, one’s mind is now open to the possibilities and, perhaps, even more so when they’ve been observing folks in the same-sex way and they’re just horny as all get out just thinking about what it’s gonna be like to step into forbidden territory.

“What’s to think about? Just go ahead and do it!“

Yeah, not that simple. The thing that has to be thought about isn’t so much whether you’re gonna like it or not or making yourself cray-cray trying to figure out who you can do it with: The thing that has to be thought out is the consequences of your actions… and there will be consequences… and not all of them are the stuff of horror stories as everyone says they are… but they could be. What keeps a lot of people sitting on the bench is attempting to see every possible outcome and the consequences… and that’s fairly impossible since you will never know what’s going to happen until it actually happens. Then you tack on the fact that most people will spend a lot of time thinking about everything that could go wrong or, sometimes, assuming that if they’ve heard about someone else’s experiences – and they didn’t go all that well – then if it happened to that person, it’s definitely going to happen to them, too.

Then that really curious thing of not knowing how to do what you wanna do or, if you do have an inkling about how to do whatever it is, being overly worried about not being good at it. I’ve known a lot of men and women who have gotten lost overthinking things and including whether they can actually do a thing or not, which puts them in a quandary because chances are good that you’re not going to find out if you can actually do it until you try to do it.

Yes, some folks can make the decision that the first chance they get, they’re going for it and, yes, they just go ahead and do it… but that takes some internal meetings with one’s self – and depending on how much – or badly – they want and need to do this – to be able to “throw caution to the wind” and just dive on in and whatever happens, happens. This approach actually does work – I call it the “fuck it” moment but while this might sound careless or something like that, it really isn’t; the short version is one’s mind is going at Warp 10 to answer the question, “Do I do this or should I not do it?” and one’s mind can get overloaded to the point where it kinda shuts down and, yep, you think or say, “Fuck it…” and take the plunge.

This is also the point where you find out that fantasy and reality don’t always line up together; this is the part where you find out that whatever you’ve seen done by watching porn might not make it “easy” for you to do and that eye-opening slap in the face that lets you know that watching someone else do something just ain’t the same as you doing it.

Now, do you have to take the plunge? No, you do not if (a) you don’t want to or (b) your situation isn’t going to allow it. In my experiences, however, I can truthfully say that I have not known too many people who didn’t want to take the plunge and even if they’re waffling back and forth about whether they should or not. Those same experiences have taught me that in the “majority of times,” a lot of people just aren’t going to be happy with themselves until they dive on in because that urge to do this just does not go anywhere.

Then – and as if all of this ain’t bad enough – you still have to find someone who’s willing to have sex with you in this way… and good luck with that. The number one complaint heard from those who are sitting and waiting to have their first experience is not being able to find someone to have it with. The “truth” here isn’t that there aren’t others out there who’d be willing, ready, and able to throw it down with you because there sure as hell as a lot of such people; the problem is trying to find someone who can meet or exceed a predetermined set of conditions and qualifications that can be simple… or as complicated as quantum physics and then it gets even more complicated because most people cannot, do not, and will not simplify things or otherwise make it easy on themselves.

If one has issues with casual sex, well, you’re hosed and have shot yourself in both feet while you’re at it. One of those things that is, at the least, implied when I say to think first is to change your perspective about sex; how it’s supposed to be versus what can be done so if you’re not a casual sex kind of person, you’re going to have a very difficult time finding someone to take the plunge with. Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, having the sex with anyone is a very serious and major trust issue and some folks, well, they’re not all that inclined to trust out of hand or, as Ronald Reagan said, “Trust, but verify…” and the verification process can be a bitch and a half and more so when most people require and demand verification before trust can be established.

What I do know is that you will never, ever, find someone to take the plunge with by sitting on your ass and doing absolutely nothing about it. What I know is that if you do what a lot of people do and create the “perfect” person and the “perfect” situation and conditions in your mind, chances are that nothing is going to happen because you just might be looking for someone who actually doesn’t exist anywhere in the world not to mention that if they do exist, um, you have no friggin’ idea where they are. I tell a lot of people stuck in the place that if you’re not willing to put yourself out there to (a) find someone and/or (b) allow yourself to be found, guess what ain’t gonna happen?

“What’s the best way to go about this?“

That’s a question I can’t answer because, as far as I know and in my many experiences, there is no sure way to go about this that’s guaranteed to work. Some folks prefer the devil they know over the one they don’t… and some prefer the devil they don’t know and more so when one of their big concerns is what’s gonna happen if the devils they do know find out that they wanna go both ways. Ideally, you want the person you can trust and be comfortable with and one who is going to understand that, um, you have no idea how to go about doing this and, because you don’t, they’re going to be very patient with you and, yeah, hopefully, they’re not going to go tell everyone on the planet that they just had sex with you. Who can be that person?

Anyone can… and that’s what you’re gonna have to figure out and I cannot tell you how to do it

“Well, how has this worked for you?“

Not counting my youthful experiences, I’d have to say that eight out of ten times, I’d find myself in the right place at the right time and a lot of my encounters happened by chance. My track record for deliberately finding someone to have fun with is, well, fucked up because I’ve failed a lot more than I’ve succeeded but I guess Mr. Murphy likes fucking with me because when I’m not really looking or even thinking about doing anything, I’m getting propositioned to the point where it’s annoying as hell. When being deliberate, I tend to piss people off because I’m not just going to jump into bed with them without any information or, as I’ve told a lot of guys, “If you don’t have time to talk to me, you don’t have time to have sex with me.”

One can give the various apps a try but with the understanding that (a) you’re gonna be putting in a lot of work to find the right person and (b) not everyone on an app is as “real” as they may appear to be. You could go hang out in a “gay bar” and that just might work… and it might not. The thing here is that if you don’t have a real person in mind, you just never know who might hit on you and if you have a problem with people trying to pick you up, well, yeah – not gonna help you. If you have a lot of sexual inhibitions and harboring a lot of fear over the unknown and see “everyone” as a potential risk to yourself, you’re going to fail at getting your chance to take the plunge.

Compounding all of this is that sense of urgency to have sex like this and sometimes it’s better to do your best to keep that down to a dull roar so you can let your intelligence – and not your libido – make these important decisions and even then with a caveat and one I actually learned from my mother: “If you study long, you study wrong.” What that means is that the longer you take making decisions about anything, the greater the chance you’re going to “make a mistake.” It’s just weird that in these things, the first answer you come up with is usually the right one even though it might not feel that way and the proof of this is any test you’ve ever taken that’s been multiple choice and nothing feels more sucky than getting your test paper back and finding out that the answer you selected – and after thinking about it a lot – was the wrong answer… and the first one you thought about was the right one.

“What if you make the wrong decision?”

It happens and I don’t know anyone who has been right 100% of the time and, nope, I know I haven’t. It’s not that you can guess wrongly – it’s what you do when you find out that you did that matters the most. In my experiences, a lot of people have said that they made a mistake… after the sex has happened and now they’re all fucked up in the head about it and usually the mistake is that things didn’t happen the way they expected them to and, yeah, whoever they were with did a Jekyll and Hyde on them and this, too, is to be expected and aware of because people do behave differently when they’re horny and when they’re not.

“This shit is way too complicated to be bothered with!”

I never said it was easy. I’m as experienced in this as the day is long… and I know it’s not easy. What I think one should do is to make doing something about their thoughts and feelings as easy on themselves to work with as they can manage. Again, if you’re not willing to put in the work that is necessary, you’re going to fail. “Dating” these days is even more of a clusterfuck than I can remember but, again, one of the things you should be thinking about before trying to act is learning a new way to date people, even if just for sex. It’s okay to have a plan for going about this… but a part of the reality says that no plan survives first contact or this stuff looks and sounds good on paper and can turn out otherwise in application. And that’s actually okay if you believe that you can’t learn to success without failing.

If you’re not willing to stick to this until you, well, get what you want, guess what’s never going to happen for you? I don’t mean you have to be running around and chasing “everyone” you come in contact with but you do have to be determined to experience sex in this way and have a list of what you will do that’s longer than the list of what you’re not going to do… and a lot of bisexuals looking to take their first dip in the pool tend to have a list of what they’re not ever going to do that’s lightyears longer than the list of what they will do.

That’s not going to work. No, you don’t have to “do it all” right out of the gate and you should never let anyone pressure you into such a situation if you just ain’t feeling it. It’s okay to take baby steps and it’s okay to take your time dipping your tootsies into the waters. Yes, that first time can be scarier than anything you’ve ever experienced and I won’t lie to you can tell you that getting past that moment of truth is a piece of cake… because it usually isn’t but, yep, it can be… and whether it is or isn’t depends on you more than anything or anyone else. I have found that if one doesn’t have a sexual sense of adventure or are otherwise risk-adverse, taking the initial plunge isn’t going to be easy…

Which is exactly why I tell people to think first, then act if they must, or if they even can at all. So now what? That’s up to you and doing nothing at all is a viable and legitimate choice. I have, at times, tried to talk people out of having their first time, not because I don’t think they can do it but they’ve “indicated” to me that they haven’t thought things out all that much and they’re acting more on impulse than anything else. Should you “just do it?” Well, how about you tell me why you want to and don’t leave anything out and I’ll let you know what I think one way or the other but what this really does is it will make you look at what you’re thinking and feeling so that you can make the right decision for yourself.

Or, as Morpheus said in The Matrix, I can show you the door but you still have to walk through it and I’m the guy who will tell you that it’s not that easy to do and your experiences will vary from anyone else’s… and you won’t know until you walk through the door. Some people pass this “test” with flying colors… and some just don’t; now it’s about which person do you wanna be? I will tell you that in my many experiences, I have had and heard more people say, after taking the plunge, “I don’t know why I never did this before now!” or “I don’t know what I was afraid of!” and, classically, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!”

All of this is the answer to, “So, now what?”

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Twitter… Wow

Yesterday must have been “Worldwide Horny Day” or something on Twitter… not that they don’t seem to celebrate that on a daily basis but as I checked my feed for news on the games I play, new games coming out and, of course, what they’re saying about bisexuality, in between those items, there were a great many clips of men having sex with men… and Black men, at that… and some of the stuff I saw was posted by women.

Guys jerking off alone or with, ah, a companion or two or three; guys sucking dick or being face fucked and taking down loads of spunk and, yup, guys getting screwed; toss in some rather steamy threesome scenes with women all up in the mix where some gal was getting the high hard one and there’s a second guy not only licking on her pussy as she’s being screwed, he’s not ignoring the dick inside of her.

Some of the comments I happened to see were along the lines of some saying they wish they could throw it down in the way the various clips displayed but the one that caught my attention was the comment attached to a clip of two guys who were jerking off and had cum all over each other… and a woman said that she should have been there to lick up all that cum.

It had me thinking two things. The first is the perpetual lie that there’s no such thing as a Black male bisexual; the other was that no woman in her right mind would have anything to do with a bi guy… and I also thought that anyone who thinks like this probably doesn’t have a Twitter account because if they did, there’s a good chance that they might see those two myths get totally busted. In my own “defense,” as it were, I have to say that I’m sure I wound up with these things on my feed because someone followed me for some reason and when they retweet stuff – and this stuff in particular, well, it’s on my feed; I thought about getting rid of it but I didn’t because since the homemade stuff does, in fact, speak to same-sex sex whether it’s between men or the ladies are getting it on.

And, often, in some eye-popping ways, I might add. One clip even had me thinking, “Holy shit!” to see this guy going to town eating a woman’s coochie… out on the street, in broad daylight, and with people passing by and I guess someone thought to whip out their cellphone and video what was going on. Homey was going for it and eating everything she owned down there but the thing that also caught my attention was the look she had on her face… like such things weren’t all that unusual but may have been… embarrassed – maybe. As the clip continued, you could hear people commenting in the background and a few cheering the guy on and I thought that I’m pretty bold and daring… but not that bold and daring here in my older age.

As I scrolled past the last of the clips, I scoffed at the persistent myths mentioned above and had the thought that the people seen in the clips could have been bi or gay but that those designations didn’t matter a whole lot when you just stop and pay attention to what was being done. Pussies being eaten; dicks being sucked; pussies and male asses being fucked with a smattering of heterosexual sex tossed in because, well, why not? It all had my mind taking a trip in my internal time machine and back to a time where I’d hear a lot of Black men and women speaking out in outraged terms about that “gay shit” that was so repulsive… but knowing that when no one else was looking (metaphorically speaking), yeah… they were getting it in like nobody’s business. If you knew what they were into and asked them about it, they’d categorically deny it even if your source was beyond reproach.

Image is still everything. Because of that “all Blacks are homophobic” thing, I’m not all that surprised that it’s believed that there’s no such animal as a Black who isn’t homophobic even though, when I was growing up, I saw a lot of Blacks who were quite gay and that, all by itself, exposed the lie that a lot of people were believing even back then.

Sometimes I’ll see such a clip and the person posting it will actually say something to dispel the lie; they’ll also say that sexual acts between men would be… less stressful if women were able to understand that if it’s okay for them to do each other, it doesn’t make what men do any less wrong. Sometimes – and as mentioned – women will tweet clips of men getting busy with each other and they’re all onboard with it and many of the ladies who tweet often speak to being able to find a guy who is down with sex with other guys so they can get in on the fun… and in both cases, the people making these statements are… Black.

Which is not to say that anyone who isn’t Black is just sitting on the sidelines or looking the other way because they sure as hell aren’t. They’re either posting tweets of their own or can be seen all up in the mix as well and sometimes things get interracial and, lest I forget, transgenders aren’t left out of things and as evidenced by my seeing quite a few Black “men” who clearly weren’t born that way and also evidenced by the scars that showed that these former women had their breasts removed… but kept their coochie.

I kinda laughed to myself as I thought that if those people who don’t believe that bisexuality is real were to see what I tend to see, they might change their minds about that… but I also “sobered up” to think that you could put bisexuality on full display and right in their face… and their response would be one of those, “Yeah, but…” things and would insist that what they bore witness to wasn’t what it was.

Belief is a very powerful thing… but so is denial. I can recall a great many times when a white person has asked me, “Is it true that all Blacks are homophobic?” and I’ve responded that, no, it isn’t true that all of us are. The truth is that some of us are genuinely homophobic and for whatever reason they are. Also true is that there are some of us who will tell you that they’re homophobic but, nah, not so much behind closed doors. In one situation, I happened to see a very gay Black man at the moment a white person asked me this question and I pointed to them and said, “You see that guy over there? That’s the proof that we’re not all as homophobic as we’re said to be.”

And the person I was talking to actually said that the gay man we both saw was a on-off exception… because that’s what they wanted to believe and they stuck with that even when three more very gay men joined the first guy and were chatting away… and I was incredulous at their insistence that four gay men were an exception to the “rule” they believed to be true. Even on Twitter, a lot of Blacks are proactively letting anyone who cares to read their tweet that Blacks are and can be bisexual. It makes me say, “Duh…” to myself and for obvious reasons but it makes me kinda sad that Black folks have to make declarations about their bi-ness to those who aren’t willing or able to accept that anyone and regardless to race, color, creed, age, etc., can be bisexual.

You can tell the truth… but you can’t make people accept it. I’ve forgotten all of the times when I’ve revealed my sexuality to someone and I’ve gotten told, “You don’t look like the type” or, a few times, “But, you’re Black!” Well, yeah, this tan I have is rather permanent but such exclamations only served to prove that people will believe a lie before they accept the truth… that and I still don’t know what “the type” looks like but I also know that for many people, “the type” means flamboyantly homosexual which does explain why I don’t look like the type as well as “shocking” some folks to find out that I’m Black and not even anywhere near being homophobic.

That kinda defeats the purpose of being bisexual, I think, which I most certainly am. Whenever Cityman and I talk about this particular myth and bisexuality as a whole, he asks what has to happen in order for this to be acceptable by society and the only answer I can think of is that society, as a whole, has to be able to suspend their belief that there are other things people can be that isn’t heterosexual and then find a way to get themselves out of the denial involved. Anyone can be homophobic; it knows no boundaries in this but the fact and truth is that not everyone is homophobic and are of a mind that being this way is pretty fucked up and doesn’t speak well about someone’s mental faculties to not believe in something that is obviously true. I’ve often had to point out to people that just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t make whatever that is unbelievable and just because you think it’s wrong doesn’t mean that it is wrong.

And I’m thinking – and have always thought – that if being bisexual or otherwise not being straight is wrong, well, there are a lot of people around the world who are quite wrong… but not everyone who isn’t straight can’t be wrong. One person might be… but everyone? I’m thinking that this is a lot more impossible than believing that bisexuality isn’t real or, ha-ha, there’s no such thing as a Black bisexual, male or female… and Twitter has the proof and, um, graphically so.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Sexual Side of Bisexual

Yeah, that. The thing that tends to make some folks want to soil themselves just hearing about it, let along trying to imagine it. The thing that also tends to blind those folks looking for wet wipes so much that they can only see one side of a two-sided thing. Also the thing that gave birth to a double standard I first heard of way back in 1965 and is still alive and well today.

The thing that gets some folks all fucked up in the head because, on the one hand, having sex is quite natural and normal but, on the other, eh, not so much when the participants are of the same sex and now it’s deemed to be unnatural and very much abnormal because, well, you probably already know why.

“I just don’t understand why guys would even want to have sex with another guy!“

It’s not that hard to understand if, by chance, you happen to know anything about guys and that biological imperative hard-wired into us and you don’t automatically think about what men are supposed to do when it comes to having sex. It’s not so much about being gay or whatever your orientation happens to be even though, when it comes to bi guys, this is the part that gets all of the attention and sometimes in that train wreck kind of way: You don’t wanna look but you look anyway and, for this, saying, “Ew, that’s nasty!” is a typical response but one of the things I noticed was that one could see some straight sex happening and not think it’s all that nasty and, to mention the double standard I also mentioned, if it’s two girls going at it, hmm, not all that nasty.

“Well, if two guys are fucking, they have to be gay and into each other like that!“

Um, no, not really. Two main things in this are wanting to do it and getting up the intestinal fortitude to actually do it but, yeah, okay, if you happen to like the guy, so much the better. When Cityman and I get to talking about this the one thing I keep pointing out to him is that at the root of this, it’s “Hey, do you wanna do it? I do if you do!” and, of course, “I won’t tell if you won’t!” When it comes to boys being boys, there’s always that onset of puberty and that rush of hormones to take into consideration and when you combine that with that the taboo nature of boys having sex, well, hmm, um, it makes sense that some of us wind up checking out each other before chasing girls. Indeed, I’ve heard adults say that boys being boys is just “practice” for having sex with girls which, if nothing else, is a polite thing to say when our hormones come online and our testes drop into place and those urges get to running around inside of us.

It isn’t to say that all boys dive into that experimental phase but, yeah, a lot of us do and to bake your noodle even further, some of us don’t “experiment” until we’re middle-aged adults and even then experiments are conducted because they missed out on the early part of things. It kinda breaks down to two type of guys: The ones who obey the rules and the ones who say, “Fuck the rules! I wanna know all about this!”

“Guys don’t have any good reason to be sucking each other’s dick!“

Yeah, we do… that shit feels good. It feels way better than beating our meat. Bill Cosby, before he became very much hated, once said in a routine that he thought there was some entity whose job it was to tell kids things they had no business knowing and one of the first “illicit” things we heard about is the blow job and to make this even funnier, one of my friends said that he wanted to give me a blow job and literally blew a blast of air on my cheek but said, “I don’t think that was right.” It wasn’t… but it sure was funny. I don’t know about other guys but under the “children should be seen and not heard” rule, I’d often heard adult males talking about the blow job and sucking dick and, most of the time, they were oblivious to the fact that us young’uns were right there taking it all in.

We wanna play show and tell with our dicks; you show me yours, I’ll show you mine. if you let me touch yours, you can touch mine and, yeah, sometimes, even more of an exciting thing to do when we’re told to not let anyone touch us “down there.” Well, why? Let’s find out! Doesn’t always lead to mouth meeting dick but, yeah, uh-huh – wow, when I kiss your ding-dong, it stands right up! How about that! Feels funny to do it but kinda feels good, too!

I know guys who got caught doing stuff like this and whoever busted them said, “Where did you learn that from?” Sometimes, um, it’s just something we seem to know and no one told us or showed us anything about it and doing it sounds like a good idea, you know, as long as no one catches us but if you wanted to point to a source, it’s something we learn and teach each other. Like the guy who showed me how to jerk myself off? I still don’t know how he knew how to do that… but he showed me and I turned right around and showed the other guys. And, wow, isn’t it fun when we can do that in front of each other? Ain’t it fun to do that to each other? Feels weird but, yeah, it sure feels good!

And, you betcha: If you kiss and suck my ding-dong, it really feels good and if I do the same to you, yup – that feels good, too! Makes you get that really funny, tingly feeling and it’s so… different you can get a bad case of the giggles and, sure, can you make it feel like that again? True enough, for some guys, it’s all fun and games until that funny feeling shows up and now, uh, maybe we shouldn’t have done that and we should stop, well, for the moment.

Like most guys, I had my first ejaculatory experience with a girl and it was a doozy to end all doozies… and I couldn’t wait to tell and show my male friends that I could now shoot the feared and dreaded baby-making stuff! What does it feel like? Even better… what does it taste like? Let’s find out! Well, yuck; it’s all warm and sticky and not sure that it tastes all that good… but, boy, didn’t it feel good to make it come out? And, yeah, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to figure out that if you could stick it in a girl and make the stuff come out, you could stick it in a boy’s behind and the same thing would happen and if you were the one getting it stuck in you, wow – that feels good but weird but good!

Did we know we were doing the one thing boys weren’t supposed to do? You bet your ass we knew it… which made doing it even more fun. Again, not all males participated in what could be called a rite of passage but those of us who did knew we were onto something. And while many, um, early adopters got to a point where the experiment was over for them, a lot of us just kept it going and we fell into two categories: Those who’d only do this with other guys and those who did it with guys and gals because, well, it was much more fun that way.

It’s sex. Just not sex the way it’s supposed to be done.

“You gotta be some kind of pervert…“

That’s what everyone thinks but the truth we still don’t wanna know about or can come to terms with is that you can have sex with guys, girls, or both. If you like it with someone who’s the same sex as you are, does that mean you’re gay? We say that’s the case but it never was which, I guess, explains why here in 2021, people are so very much freaked out over bisexuality because, on the one hand, it is quite gay… and not so much. We’ve always had that “train wreck” thing going on about homosexuals so, in a way, it explains why those who are saying that bisexuality isn’t real tends to pay more attention to the homosexual side than the heterosexual side. It’s just nasty and dirty – and for no good reason – for two guys to be sucking and fucking each other when, in fact, there is good reason for it and, simply, because it can be done… and it has always been done.

“Why go there at all?“

Um, because having sex feels good and as many bisexuals who have taken the plunge has learned, it doesn’t really make that much of a difference if the person you’re having sex with is male or female, personal preferences notwithstanding. We can get all into the emotional aspects and, these days, we insist that this part has more and greater meaning than the physical part of this does… and that’s not always the case. It’s sex. Okay, it’s not “pretty” to look at and even I will admit that you have to have a certain aesthetic sense to see the beauty of two guys going at each other but it’s not supposed to look good: It’s supposed to feel good and it very much feels good to do whatever is preferred or, really, whatever it takes to cause orgasms and ejaculation. We might not feel all that sporty after the fact but during it?

Sex is powerful. It not only involves the physical but can unlock some emotional stuff. A guy having sex with another guy can learn some very interesting stuff about himself and some of it can be quite unnerving and as indicated by the many men who has sex with other guys and wind up feeling very… girly. Now, this sentiment isn’t mean to offend or insult women but one of the things us bi guys find out is what it’s like to “be the girl” in a sexual situation with a guy. What does it feel like to be fucked? Yeah, we know the answer to that one and understand that it is such a complex thing that for those of us who like being fucked, the best we can say is, “It feels good.” The real answer is much deeper than that on the emotional side of things… and on the physical side, well, women have a G-spot… and so do guys and in the form of our prostate and, um, okay, having a hard dick – or a finger or two – in there and making contact with our prostate, um, yeah, that a weird kind of feeling that doesn’t kinda feel good but does feel good.

Because it’s supposed to feel good. It’s just that with guys, well, hmm, there’s only one way to get to the prostate and, um, ew. I think that if there’s one thing that freaks people out, this is it. Here’s the thing that makes me get that look on my face: Some guys have zero qualms about fucking a woman in the ass (if she likes it that way) but watch how they’d react if you told them they could do the same thing to a guy… and, to them, that’s different. And if you wanna think about that one for a moment, go ahead.

We are so very much stuck in that place that says that men should never have sex with each other; there’s no reason to, not with a world filled with women and, forgive me, they’re the only people we’re allow and supposed to have sex with. It’s not that we don’t know that guys have sex with other guys because, duh, we do know it but, for the life of me, I don’t really understand how we can know this, know that the rules that makes this taboo is really bullshit, but still look at it as not being bullshit. We beat our heads against a great many walls trying to figure out why a guy would want to have sex with other guys and ascribing a whole lot of reasons for it… while not giving a whole lot of thought about that hard-wired thing we’re all born with… and the thing that social conditioning seeks to suppress in us and, might I add, with not much success in that area.

We can have sex with each other… because we can – it’s not impossible. Just a very real question of whether or not a guy would want to. Some don’t, won’t, and never will… and some just do and for whatever reason that makes sense to them up to and including, “I just need to get off, ya know? I could go jerk off but that gets old after a while and sometimes barely takes the edge off… but if a guy were to suck my dick? Yeah… that’ll work. Shit, it’ll work even if he jerks me off!” To bottom-line it, it really is mind over matter and in the sense that if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

And it just freaks a lot of people out and another thing that cracks me up is that there are people – and regardless to sexuality – who are into some stuff that makes two guys sucking each other off look tame by comparison. Again, there are a lot of people who are beating their heads against walls trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with bisexuals in this and coming up with all kinds of stuff… but not looking at the root cause:

We’re human. Equipped and hard-wired to have sex and not just for the purpose of procreation. Social conditioning does everything it can to suppress this in us by imposing rules and conditions that many do, in fact, follow – and might I say, religiously so? – and the facts of the matter is that it either doesn’t get suppressed or the conditioning gets broken because as someone famous said, “Needs must.” We get… prudishly funny about boys being boys but not so much about girls being girls and, really, knowing what is known about males, who can really blame them for wanting and needing to have sex with each other? Not the way it’s supposed to happen but let’s say women are “guilty” with reason, Your Honor. But even here, the reality is for two women having sex with each other, yup – that feels pretty damned good. And if neither of them mind, it never matters.

Or, like I said to one guy, “Do you really believe that when girls have sleepovers, all the they do is gossip and sleep? And do you really think that’s all guys do when they have sleepovers? Really?”

I sometimes find myself telling folks that if they don’t know why men would have sex with each other, they surely don’t know a whole lot about men and like they think they do… but, at a higher level, if you don’t know why people can and will get into same-sex sex, um, perhaps you don’t know as much about humans as you think you do and you obviously don’t understand that the rules against such things have never been 100% obeyed. Not then and not now. One doesn’t have to if they don’t want to… but if they do? As Cityman loves to say, “Why not?”

“Why go both ways? Isn’t one way enough?“

Yes… and hell, no. Bisexuals are seen as being greedy and, yes, I heard this way back in my youth so the sentiment ain’t all that new. It implies that there is such a thing as too much sex and sexual intimacy and there are limits to how much sex one is allowed to have, conditionally or situationally. Bisexuals know this is, well, bullshit because good sex is where you find it… and you can find it with males, females, or both. Yes, if there’s some “being into” going on, all well and good but sometimes, ya just do it like this just because it can be done this way and serves the purpose. I’m horny and the guy I’m hanging with is horny; we’re both there, feeling the same way and, sure, we could go our own separate ways and go hunting for a woman who, if we’re lucky, will want to have sex with us but, then again, there’s that whole blue balls things that just does not feel good at all and, well, hmm, if we were to suck each other’s dick and make each other cum, that solves a couple of things, doesn’t it – and I won’t tell if you won’t. And if anyone asks, well, I have no idea what you’re talking about!

There are those who, again, insist that bisexuality shouldn’t be about the sex… and I very much beg to differ with them because it is about the sex and which thing takes precedence depends on who you happen to be talking to and how their bisexuality works for them. You don’t have to be all up in it for the sex alone… but you sure as hell can. It’s sex and us humans? We love our sex and some of us ain’t all that picky about who we’re having it with; a guy or a gal doesn’t matter a whole lot because sex is fun and good.

Cityman asks what it would take to remove the stigma against same-sex stuff and the answer is that we have to be able to look at sex for what it is and not the way it’s supposed to be. We have to change our collective minds about it and that’s not going to happen “all at once” but you can bet anything you care to that in every moment in every day, someone – male or female – is finding out that having sex in the same-sex mode ain’t as bad as everyone else says it is. Someone somewhere in the world is learning that going both ways doesn’t mean that they’re being greedy or any of that other bullshit – it’s just another way to have sex and added onto the way we’re supposed to.

You just gotta want to. You gotta get up the nerve and courage to take the rules and put them into a wood chipper and you really do have to know and understand that even in this, having sex is normal and natural… because if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be having sex like this at all. I tell Cityman that the biggest stumbling block in place about this is the power of belief and that we continue to believe something that the evidence proves otherwise. Boys have sex with boys and not just because they’re gay any more than girls have sex with girls because they’re lesbians. And until we can get our collective heads around these truths, there will always be those people who won’t be able to wrap their heads around the sexual part of bisexual. Hearts not parts is all well and good…

But the parts are and can be a lot of fun to partake in.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Training Wheels

One of the first things and among the many things I heard about “those crazy switch-hitters” was that they went around screwing every- and anything above room temperature. The word was that if you ran into some like this, they were gonna do their best to have sex with you and if you were a guy, you were gonna get turned into a sissy or a very swishy, limp-wristed faggot. It was bad enough that homophobia was “all the rage” and, as such, just standing next to a guy, well, you could feel the nervous energy flowing off of him and his anxiety trying to figure out how to move further away without being too obvious about creating some space.

Still, a lot of guys wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a man and sometimes simply because guys knew what gay men were into and, as many would say, they couldn’t figure out what was so attractive and sexy about it; I’d hear a lot of guys say, “I don’t know why some dude would want to suck another dude’s dick!” – and it would be all I could do not to either laugh or shake my head in sadness to see that they were incapable of making the rather obvious connection. When I’d find myself having The Conversation with a curious kind of guy, the next thing I knew I could expect would come in the form of a question: “How do you do that?”

You might be smiling or even laughing but it’s not a joke and, at least for now, I’m not trying to be funny. If they didn’t ask how to do a thing, they’d ask what they should do… and now it was time to get into the part of the conversation covering baby steps. One of the things I had observed and experienced were guys thinking or believing that diving right in and doing it all was (1) the thing to do and (2) it was easy, only to get disabused and sometimes traumatized to some degree and more so in the situations where a guy would admit he’d never done it like this and it was his first time… and the guy he was talking to pretty much put him through the wringer with all that could be done instead of suggesting that, um, hmm, you know, you might want to start off easy instead of jumping right to having a dick in your ass.

A guy would ask me, “What should I do?” and having heard so many horror stories from other guys, I’d tell them that the best way to proceed is to start with the little things before graduating to the bigger things and beginning with being comfortable with being naked with another man. You might think that this should be a no-brainer and more so when, in school, we had gym together and shared a locker room and even shared a shower room so why wouldn’t a guy be comfortable? It’s different; being naked in the shower room with a bunch of guys isn’t the same as being naked with a guy and you’re about to try to have sex with him. The rampant homophobia played a huge role in ramping up a guy’s sense of modesty and if you could see how many guys would be in the shower after gym – and trying to hide themselves – well, you get the idea.

Once a guy could get comfortable with being naked with another guy, the next thing to get comfortable with is simply touching and being touched… and I’m not even talking about touching each other’s dick at this point. I remember reading, a long time ago, that we wear clothes as a kind of armor and to protect our nakedness… and not just from the elements. Being naked in front of someone can make one feel very vulnerable and can be, in a sexual context, quite scary; touching a guy on his arm is enough to make him break every standing high jump record known to mankind. I’m not necessarily talking about kissing and cuddling but I’ve found it can be… calming just to hold the guy in my arms and nothing more than that since, for a lot of guys, being naked and that close to another guy can be daunting, to be nice about it and even more so if they’ve never been all that comfortable being naked.

Just being close and touching each other is, I think, an important baby step and one that will lend itself to eventually reaching down and touching each other’s cock and balls. Even that’s not a no-brainer of sorts and if you happened to think that touching another guy’s junk is easy – and because you’ve spent some time touching your own – well, no – not always. At this point, I have to back up just a little bit because I realized that I left something out of sequence: A big baby step is to just pull your dick out and start jerking off and with the other guy doing the same thing and you don’t even need to take your clothes off… but I’d advise it. Just seeing another guy’s dick and watching him do something that you also do can go a long way to gaining the comfort that’s needed to do anything else… but making yourself watch what he’s doing can get interesting because of the ancient prohibitions about looking at another man’s body to begin with.

From there, jerking each other off is next baby step… and having another guy’s dick in your hand is probably one of the strangest things a first timer can experience when putting on the training wheels. I don’t know too many of us who hasn’t been with a friend in younger days and playing “Show me” and it didn’t, at some point, get to the, “Can I touch it?” part but, yeah, some guys never experienced this so to find yourself sitting close to another guy and you both are touching each other’s dick, yep, that can be unsettling but after the first touches, it’s not that difficult to get used to. While some guys get to this step and go no further – a boatload of reason why they don’t – now comes the really hard part: When mouth meets dick. With the exception of any guy who has never had his dick sucked, you’d think that those who had wouldn’t feel some kind of way about having a guy’s mouth around his dick… and they do… because it’s another guy.

It can be a polarizing moment and can also get pretty embarrassing and in those situations, that’s usually enough to make a guy not want to experience any of this at all; I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve lowered my head to a guy’s cock… and got shot in the face. Or the other guy is so nervous that he can’t even get hard and that, in particular, is something some guys are very much afraid of, which is why it’s important to get him to relax and breathe and, closing his eyes also works. But, as I’ve written many, many times, having a guy sucking on your dick is one thing… and a whole different animal to attempt to suck his and even when a guy is of a mind that, yeah, he can do this. In my opinion, it is the moment of truth to end all moments of truth and while a lot of guys really do say, “Fuck it!” and go for it, many more have said, “Fuck it… I can’t do this!”

Yeah, it’s not that easy.

The biggest part of putting on a guy’s training wheels doesn’t have anything to do with having sex: It’s talking to him because in order to have sex with him, you have to get past everything he’s been taught, told, and/or believes about this and that’s not even close to being easy and no matter how eager he might be to find out about this. And then, talking to him truthfully and with huge helpings of reality; you have to address his fears and concerns and, even more difficult, taking all of the horror stories he’s probably heard and putting them into perspective. Yes, sometimes, this can go very wrong and I’m not gonna lie to you about that… but I also know how to not make things go wrong and I’ll tell you what I’ve learned. And the most important thing to talk about is: You can stop whenever you want to and without fear of reprisal. There is no pressure to do this and if you can’t or don’t want to, just don’t; this is how the horror stories are born. And you gotta know that if the two of us aren’t going to do anything – and, perhaps, you have someone else in mind – take it to heart that there’s a good chance he’s not going to explain it to you like I’ve been explaining it.

Yeah… a kind of peer pressure does play into this and some guys looking to take a new guy’s cherry in this aren’t so much thinking about the very scared new guy and, I found, forgetting the they, too, had a first time. It’s important to explain, while the training wheels are being installed, that none of this has anything to do with being manly or lacking manliness; guys have been having sex with each other since time immemorial and, no, just because you want to doesn’t ever mean that if you do, you’re going to turn into a gay guy.

Yes – that is a very real concern and one that has to be dealt with. There is so much that goes into a guy putting on his training wheels and more so when this is one of those moments where you really and truly learn that thinking and doing are not the same things. It’s okay to be afraid; it’s okay to be uncertain or to have your confidence take a hike and I will tell you that it’s not as easy as some folks think it is, from just being naked with a guy to actually having sex… and one should never, ever, rush into this. Now, what about the guys who’ve watched gay porn?

Oh, my. I’ve found myself explaining that, yes, if you watch it, you can see pretty much everything two guys can do with and to each other… just don’t get it into your head that because they’re making something look exciting and easy than it really is so I think that the best thing to do is to kinda forget whatever you’ve seen porn stars doing; they’re used to doing things (and get paid for it) and you aren’t; if you see a guy on the screen gulp down a big fat dick, he’s had a lot of practice and experience doing that. Yes, it’s a nice skill to learn… but the first thing you need to learn is whether or not you can put your mouth on another guy’s dick. Don’t even concern yourself with acquiring the taste at this point; taking baby steps with your training wheels firmly attached is still the best way to approach any of this.

Oh… and don’t expect anything other than what might really happen. I’ve found that a lot of guys really screw themselves up because they have a preconceived set of expectations and when they don’t manifest themselves, holy shit. Trying to get a guy to get this out of their head – but also allaying any fears and concerns they have – requires a great deal of patience… and feeding them a lot of crap isn’t going to help them one bit. Does sperm taste nasty? Yes, it can and the way it can feel in your mouth is something else to get used to. But, you don’t have to allow it in your mouth and if you do, you don’t have to swallow it. I’ve had guys ask about this and there’s not that many other things that is… relatable or comparable except brushing your teeth and, believe it or not, having a mouth full of toothpaste and especially the foamy kind. Not really like the real thing but close enough to get an idea; just know that another guy’s spunk isn’t going to taste like Crest or Colgate.

The very and biggest part of any of this is making the decision to put your training wheels on. Wanting to experience it is all well and good… but you also have to think about how it’s going to impact your life and whether you do something or not, which is why one of the first things I impress on a guy is that if you do this, it’s going to change your life… forever… and whether you succeed or fail. My job is to make sure you do not fail… but with the understanding that just like anything else in sex, you’re not always going to get it right and neither is the other guy.

None of this is as “easy” as getting dicks out, making them hard, and making them soft and messy. The only way you’re ever going to find out if this is right or wrong for you is to do it and then you should think – and pardon the pun – long and hard about it. I’ve told guys, “I can tell you everything I know about this and I’m not going to bullshit you or sugar coat any of it; I can tell you what guys I’ve given their first time to has said and experienced and while you may find that helpful, just know that your own experience, if you choose to have it, can be different and might not be what you expected.

One guy asked, “Why am I getting the impression that you’re trying to talk me out of this?”

Because I actually am trying to do just that… and because I know first-hand how any and all of this can, has, and will go wrong. It’s better to take those baby steps with training wheels on than it is to dive right in and find out that you’re now in way over your head and there is absolutely no shame in taking your time with this. There is no shame in chickening out and don’t let anyone convince you that there is. The hard truth is that some guys take to this like the proverbial duck to water… and some guys just can’t. The truth is that it can take a guy a few times, with fits and starts, before they find that (1) they can do this and (2) they like it… and some guys find that no matter how many times they try this, they just don’t like it.

At some point, the training wheels will come off… and they should only come off when you’re ready to take them off. When you’re thinking about this, don’t focus so much on what, how, or even who: Focus on why you want to this; what’s going on with you that has you thinking and feeling that you need a set of training wheels to begin with? You’re gonna hear a lot of shit about this that, truthfully, is only partially true and it’s going to be very damned important to let any fears that develop mess with your head. The risks are real and that’s a fact… and I’ll tell you how to avoid a lot of them… but you’d probably be surprised at the number of guys who are convinced that if they just touch another man’s dick, they’re gonna catch something nasty and, again, I’m not being funny about this.

A guy asked, “Have you ever caught anything from another guy?”

“No… because I’m smarter than that,” I said. “If I have the slightest doubt about a guy, I won’t do anything with him and no matter how badly I might want to or he does… and that includes any doubts he puts in my head just by what he’s saying.”

When in doubt, do nothing. Think first, then act if you must… or if you can. If you can’t, don’t worry about it and above all else, protect yourself at all times and, yes, even with someone you think you know well because if I’ve learned nothing else about having sex with men, they are too subject to change once their dick gets hard.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Gaining a Certain Understanding

Growing up with bisexuality and taking to it like a fish to water was just too much fun and terribly exciting because, first, there was having sex (and because I’d been told in no uncertain terms not to go there) and then, wow, who knew that you could have sex with another guy and it’d be so much fun? Forget all that stuff about what could happen if ya got caught doing it like that even though the punishments promised were very dire with lots of pain being involved. And while there were a lot of us who had discovered this aspect of sex and were up to it to our eyeballs – and very much aware of the consequences – it was deemed to be well worth the risks to be able to have sex with each other and, of course, any girl who’d want to.

While I – and my very horny peers – were doing lots of on the job training in this, there were aspects of it that we were either unaware of or just wasn’t paying any attention to and, depending on who you happened to be talking to – and doing the nasty with – the awareness of what I’m going to be mentioning in a moment was there and, at least, for myself, hadn’t hit home until one really hot summer day, one of the fellas and I went off to spend that hot and steamy day in the relative coolness of one of our many hideouts and doing it to each other as many times as we could, not just because we were… preternaturally horny but also because there wasn’t anything else to do that didn’t call for being outside in all that oppressive heat.

We’re into it and having the time of our, well, day; there came this moment when I was lying on my stomach, he’s on top of me and the feel of his dick sliding in and out of me was dreamy and delicious and I definitely remember lying there and thinking that, for one, this just felt so damned good and, for the other, I hope no one shows up to catch us and make all of this go away – and that meant anyone we would have preferred to not catch us. He’s humping away and I’m just loving it and my… enjoyment got broken up a bit when he started saying, “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do it!” which I knew meant he was getting close to shooting his stuff in me and I also definitely remember thinking, “Yeah… this is gonna feel so good!”

In the exact moment he started shooting his jizz in me (that was the ‘new’ word of the times), a thought slammed into my head like someone had punched me in the head and I heard this voice in my head say, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” I don’t know where that thought came from or why it picked that moment to just fuck up my whole groove but I went from being quite happy and pleased to not being happy at all. Well, it wasn’t that I was actually unhappy that my friend’s dick was pumping away in me but that thought was sobering and had, I realized later, taken me right out of my happy place because, in that moment, I had gained a certain understanding:

I was now very much aware of what it was like to be a girl and by that I mean I understood what I’d been putting girls through when having sex with them. It was a very disturbing feeling and, again, a very sobering one. It didn’t stop me from continuing to have sex with him but I wasn’t “all there” any longer and so distracted and disturbed that I couldn’t wait until we were finally finished so I could be by myself to seriously think about this very disturbing revelation and even as we went about wearing each other out, my mind was busy putting shit together, like putting the last few pieces of puzzle in place to reveal a completed picture… and one that I wasn’t sure I liked all that much.

Once I was alone and could think, wow, there were a couple of moments where I just wanted to throw up to realize that, I was a boy but when doing it with another boy, I was also a “girl” in that sense. We all knew that girls were the only ones who were supposed to suck dick and get screwed and we all knew that was a lie because guys could do the same thing but now the similarities had chosen that moment to come home to roost in my mind and in a very disturbing way. Before this fucked up my whole day, I thought about how us guys would sit around and “talk shit” about the girls who were afraid to have sex and how… “silly” some of them would act when we were allowed to screw them. We knew about the dreaded baby-making stuff and how it scared the shit out of the girls and while we were quite ignorant about what had to take place in order for a girl to get “in trouble” – the euphemism for getting pregnant – what we knew was that the way babies were made was when a guy shot his stuff into a girl…

And I’d just got finished spending quite a bit of time with a guy who was shooting his stuff in me… and just like either of us would do with a girl. Okay, I knew that boys couldn’t get “in trouble” like girls could but it was, in today’s terms, being inseminated that put 2+2 together in my head and it equaled, “Oh, shit!” I now had a very acute awareness of why girls acted the way they did; I understood why some liked having sex… and I now had the beginning of understanding why they didn’t. It was like a dam bursting inside of my awareness and I was sitting under a tree and recalling every moment where I’d done it with a guy and it wasn’t a whole lot of fun and I knew why a lot of girls would often tell us that we were assholes and otherwise not nice guys and especially when our dicks got hard and we wanted to have sex with them and including saying and doing anything we could manage in order to get them naked and get around to shooting jizz in them.

I sat under that tree with all of this messing with my head… and threw up. If I hadn’t had any real sense of respect and understanding of girls, I did now and, going forward from that day, every little thing that I knew girls didn’t like about us was being seen in some very stark clarity. It changed my behavior toward girls but much more than that, I’d had yet another major wakeup call about the true nature of sex and finding out why a lot of adults would be heard to say that sex was dirty and nasty… and it wasn’t just because one could get all sweaty and funky having it. I thought about all the razzing and teasing we’d subject guys who were gay to – and often in a good-natured, just yanking their chain way – but because of that moment, my gay friends now made a whole lot of sense and more so when a couple of them really did act like girls when it came to us wanting to do it to them and sometimes it wasn’t with the… eagerness they’d often display and I really understood why there were some guys they wouldn’t hesitate to have sex with… and a lot of guys they wouldn’t and even if the guy wanting to do it to them would wind up beating them up for refusing them…

And especially those guys who really did treat other guys like they – we – were girls… and some of that treatment wasn’t what I’d call, then or now, nice or pretty. Girls, again, would loudly tell us that we were assholes… and I found myself not only agreeing but understanding why we were assholes… and I didn’t like that one bit. Um, no – none of it stopped me from having sex with guys but I now had a very different point of view about it and started looking at having sex with guys in similar ways that girls had been looking at it all along. It was the moment that got me into a development mode of thinking and setting the stage for me to be a lot more discerning about who got to get me naked and have their way with me or who’d I want to do the same thing to. The sex was what it was but it was the other aspects that I’d gotten awakened to; there were guys who I’d not hesitate to have sex with and there were guys who, before my wakeup call, I wouldn’t say no to… but now I was doing just that because I could see my male peers in similar ways that girls saw us… and, again, a lot of it wasn’t what I’d call nice.

I knew what it felt like to have sex and not “cared about” beyond a guy busting a nut in my mouth or my ass; I understood why a lot of girls would say that after sex, they felt used and so dirty that no amount of soap and water would get them clean. I knew what it felt like to be lied to and what it was like to be “sweet talked” and even pressured into having sex. We would gossip and wonder why some girls would just lie there and let us screw them and like they weren’t really interested in doing it in the first place and even when they said they did… and I understood why because there were times when I’d realize that when the sex wasn’t fun, it was “better” to just let him finish rather than to start a fight although, um, yeah, being a guy and when some other guy wasn’t making the sex as fun as he “promised,” I had no problem telling him to stop and if he didn’t, make him stop and there would be pain and some blood involved.

My now-developing philosophy about having sex with guys now included knowing what it was like to be “the girl” in this situation. It wasn’t that it was always bad to “be the girl” but, yeah, sometimes it was those moments where I’d find myself wondering why I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with this guy – then really kicking my own ass to realize that my gut instincts had been telling me not to… and I hadn’t listened to what my instincts were telling me. I saw that I was developing an… attitude about it; I didn’t like it when I’d be sucking some guy’s dick and he’d say, “Yeah, bitch, suck my dick like a good little girl!” or something along those lines because, goddamn it, I’m not a girl… but wasn’t I having sex like I was, in fact, a girl?

Now, the good part about this is that I was able to put things into perspective when it came to having sex with guys and it took me almost two years of thinking and observing before I fully embraced having sex with guys but now with a “girl-like” kind of mindset about it and, importantly, learning how to say no and making it stick as well as not buying into the usual bullshit guys would throw around just so they could get their rocks off and toss me aside like, well, like a used condom. I also had a more eye-opening understanding about guys and including myself and, as I said earlier, it changed the way I behaved towards girls because I understood what it was like to be subjected to a guy’s lust and how a guy could be a nice guy and all that… until his dick got hard and wanted to use it on me. Okay, yeah – when it came to getting into a girl’s panties, you had to play “the game” and convince them that, you know, if you let me do it to you, you’re not going to regret it… and knowing why they would. It made me “sick” to understand and realized that guys would do and say anything to be able to fuck someone and that I wasn’t really any better than they were except the only thing I had going for me was that I knew – and better than most guys – what it was like to be the girl in this situation.

Later in life, I’d quip that us guys spend nine months inside a woman’s body before we’re born… and spend the rest of our lives trying to get back inside a woman’s body. I not only learned about being male, I had a keen understanding about what sex was really about and that no matter how one went about it, it always came down to the pleasures of having sex from busting a nut to females chasing the often elusive toe-curling orgasm. And while polite and moral society has some issues about what would be called gay sex, I learned that we’re all pre-programmed to want to have sex and, of course, guys more than gals and that there were no real boundaries where who to have sex with was concerned; girls were the preferred target and object… but guys could be as well.

And all of this landed on me before I got anywhere near being 16. It wasn’t just about what; it was also very much about who and not whether someone was male or female or even if they were gay. It was now very much about the kind of person they were and what was going on inside their head about being male and wanting – needing – to have sex with other males. Today, I will tell a newbie in a flat, skinny second that if they don’t learn anything about having sex with other guys, they will most certainly find out what it’s like to be “the girl” in these things… and some of that isn’t pretty at all because some of us really are total and uncaring assholes when our dicks get hard.

At the hands or, really, the dicks of other men, I was learning that it wasn’t a matter of how big their dick was or how good they were having sex; it was whether or not they were… considerate. Appreciative. Not so much that being into thing that bi guys today insist has to be a mandatory consideration. Having all of this… awareness lent itself to the most important thing in my list of three things anyone has to satisfy in order for us to have sex: Do not be my idea of an asshole or cunt. The good and bad thing was that I had a chance early in my life to be able to know what that idea would be because, as many women have learned, there is not too much worst than having sex with someone who is blatantly not trying to make it good for you. There is nothing worst than sucking a guy’s dick or having him pounding away inside of you and knowing that all he’s really thinking about is busting a nut in you and not so much about how his behavior in this isn’t making the sex fun at all. And I knew that I had to be better than those guys. Okay, again, yeah, I had to play the game just like everyone has to – and the game really does suck but it is what it is. While I knew I couldn’t change anyone else, I knew I could change myself and not be that asshole that had to be avoided at all costs to one’s physical and, importantly, mental well-being… but with the understanding that, yeah, I was going to choose poorly and now it was about being able to take the good with the bad but not in a regretful kind of way that would get me to not like having sex so much… and then totally and completely understanding and accepting that, yeah, um, I really and seriously love having sex.

Gaining that certain understanding that fateful day really did fuck with me because feeling my friend cumming in me brought a lot of shit together and in a clarity that disturbed me greatly until I could wrap my head around it. While a lot of people were losing their minds over same-sex stuff, I understood it; I understood what was driving it and that, when you strip away the morality and social angst, it’s really and truly just sex and that it’s actually perfectly normal for us – humans – to want to have sex and the sex of the person, eh, not really all that important in that sense because the only thing a guy couldn’t do to me that can be done with a woman was to get me pregnant. The rest of it? Oral sex and being screwed? Interchangeable with obvious anatomical differences. I am, most certainly and definitely, male and I do not have a boi or man pussy… but I can and have been fucked and inseminated and as I’ve fucked and inseminated a lot of women. I can and have sucked a lot of dicks and swallowed an unimaginable amount of sperm… and just like some women can and have and, yep, I like it just as much as a lot of women do.

It’s not what you do, though: It’s who you do it with. The person. Where their head is about a great many things including having sex; are you one of those people who have little or no consideration or even compassion of what it takes to make the decision to have sex and, shit, think you have some kind of divine right to my body… or are you someone who has an appreciation for what it takes to be male… but wanting to experience sex in the way it can be done between two guys? That… landmark moment in my life was responsible for how I react today about the “hearts, not parts” gang and the flaw in their point of view because sex is always about the parts and, most importantly, it’s never been a case or situation where hearts – the person asking to have sex with you – ever goes unconsidered or ignored, not like it’s assumed to be and I do not know anyone who doesn’t, at the very least, ask themselves, “Do I really wanna have sex with this person?” and based upon what kind of person they’re gonna be if the clothes comes off and sex is being performed. I understand why we really do put the cart before the horse in that sense and why we will think about what might happen before anything actually does…

And all because, one day, a friend of mind was fucking me and making it feel oh, so wonderful. I knew he was going to cum in me… and I wanted and needed him to and that stray thought of, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” not only fucked that nice moment up but changed the way I look at sex… forever. I remember sitting under that tree that day and that, um, sitting down was, let’s say, interesting because my butt was sore and I still had his stuff making things squishy back there. My mind had gotten so fucked up behind this that I not only and eventually threw up once, I threw up three times. My mind, which that day became the asshole that lives inside my head, was quick to point out that I was having a grand time “trying to get him pregnant,” too. And then, as I got off my, um, well-used ass and headed home, I had to decide whether it was really that bad of a thing to be doing since, obviously, before that thought manifested itself and when it did, I really didn’t think or have any real idea of the true implications of having sex with other guys… but now I did and I sure as hell knew what it was like to be the girl in that situation and, for me, completed the circle and cycle of things. I could appreciate what it took for a girl to say yes to me when I asked if I could do it to her; I understood the level of trust involved and, yeah, how common sense could get totally overridden because one’s hormones demand and insist that sex be had and even how peer pressure was involved; hell, even I knew I’d do it with a guy because I didn’t ever want to be singled out as being a chicken about it or, yeah, acting like a girl about it… but now I knew why girls acted the way they did and because of something that could happen to them but could never happen to me… but, yeah, I actually liked having a guy on top of me and fucking his dick in and out of me until he shot his load into me. Wasn’t going to get me pregnant – and there was always that running joke about guys having “jelly babies” – and it did feel good… but not so much when the true meaning of having sex lands on you like a few hundred thousand tons of bricks and like it did to me that day.

It’s… embarrassing to have had that thought pop into my head when it did. Today, I can and do laugh about it because I didn’t know then what I know now but when it happened, it wasn’t even funny but I’m actually glad it did because I gained that certain understanding while at a young age and, to my credit, had the brain power to be able to come to terms about it and it didn’t put much of a damper on my need and desire to have sex… even with a guy who may or may not prove himself to be the asshole I’d rather not be bothered with and then being able to sniff them out before the fact. That understanding says that I know what it’s like to be the girl and to be treated like one even though, duh, I’m not female, well, physically or even mentally but, yep, I can and do have sex like I am. I suck dick and love doing it and when I’m in the mood to, I get fucked and get nuts busted in my butt… because, implications aside, it feels good to have sex and whether it’s with a guy or a gal and what makes it all better isn’t how good they are at it or the other things we obsess over:

It’s what kind of person they are; it’s who they are that, at the end of the day, matters the most but, yep, so does that parts thing that folks today insist has no real importance and shouldn’t have. They’re wrong about that and I even know why they’re wrong about it… and all because I had a thought, when my friend was shooting his sperm into me, that he was trying to get me pregnant because that’s what his body is designed to do even if I’m not female… and where having sex is concerned, none of that really matters as much as we continue to insist that it does and should. I understood why some girls like other girls instead of boys and if for no other reason than they could have sex with another girl… and not worry about getting pregnant. Lots of emotional stuff at work in any of this, too, and it’s clear to me why there’s more emphasis on this aspect than the fact that any dick can be sucked, any pussy can be eaten, and the human body has… holes that an erect penis can be inserted and sperm delivered absent condoms and other preventative measures. And I do know what it’s like to be “the girl” in this and I’m okay with it…

But that one day, so many decades ago, I wasn’t all that okay about it because I recognized what was in play and that my dear friend was, without even knowing or realizing it, was having sex with me like I was a girl. It really and finally exposed the lie that men are only supposed to have sex – and inseminate – women since we can get dicks hard and make them soft again just like any woman can – we’re just not gonna get knocked up behind it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It Goes Wrong

I get to see guys talking about having their first time having sex with other guys; they can be wary, leery, a bit paranoid, definitely hesitant and uncertain; some seem to lack confidence, feel some kind of way about their dick (usually not good), tend to overthink things, and of course, overly worried about someone finding out what they did. On the more positive side, they’re excited, eager and just chomping at the bit to have their first experience and their minds are overflowing with how they’d want that first experience to go and, often, consisting of every fantasy that’s ever gotten their dick hard.

Some guys have a definite thing in mind which is often exactingly detailed from the first meeting right through what will happen after nuts get busted – and that, of course, includes all of this happening with the right guy they’ve decided is the right guy for them to have that first experience. All of this is all well and good… and probably the biggest mistake a lot of guys make that has a Murphy’s Law-like tendency to prove something the military has proven to be true:

No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The reason why this is true is that you can sit down and plan something out to the nth degree while trying to predict how the other guy is going to react and based on whatever information they have on hand… except, uh, military planners can never fully account or foresee the enemy doing something other what they think they might or can do. It’s no different from putting a plan together to have that first experience; even if you get to know the guy and well enough to decide that he’s gonna be the one to, um, take your cherry, the thing you don’t know – the thing you can’t know – is what is going to be taking place in his head as things begin to happen.

So many guys have that storybook first time thing in their head… and so many guys get totally and completely disillusioned and disappointed when things don’t go the way they wanted and/or expected them to and now they’re sitting back wondering how it all went wrong and having great regrets over wanting to do whatever happened in the first place. They’ll blame the other guy for messing it all up and especially if, during whatever’s going on, homey deviates from the agreed upon plan but, really, the person to be blamed is the guy who set this “perfect scenario” up in their mind and then expected it to go as planned because it’s also been proven time and time again that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong.

When I’ve sat and talked to guys looking for their first time, it’s pretty normal for them to ask about what they can expect and depending on the first-time experience they’re looking to have and, for the purpose of this scribble, we’ll go with the thing most guys experience: Oral sex. It’s one thing to sit and talk about sucking dick and in great detail and, really, how hard can it actually be? It can be harder than you think it is; you can plan it out in your head and be totally amped up to finally experience it and the moment it’s time for some sucking, it can go wrong right off the bat because, as I’ve written time and time again, it’s a whole different thing when there’s a dick in your face waiting for you to do something to it and just as different to watch a guy opening his mouth and lowering his head so he can suck your dick.

There are all kinds of things that can go wrong and, again, beginning with expecting it to go the way one envisioned it… which is why one of the things I’ll tell a first-timer is to not expect anything other than we’re going to try to do this. It’s very normal to have expectations and more so over something that, for the most part, you know about… and not so much. And, to be honest, a lot of first times go very well and with few or no hiccups… but not always. I personally like it when a guy says – and honestly – that he doesn’t really know what to expect; that tells me that he’s aware that thinking about it and doing it are very different. There are the guys who are so amped up to experience this that they’ve made up their mind that no matter what happens, they’re gonna do this and come hell or high water. My “problem children” are always the guys who have a plan about how this is gonna happen and I’ve learned that with such guys, even the slightest deviation from their plan will make the whole thing go down the drain and, usually, in a hurry.

I’ve had guys lay out their plan for dicks to get sucked and, sometimes, in some detailed ways that either gets me trying not to laugh at them… or makes me very worried. One of the things that’s known to go wrong is guys saying that they want to suck my dick… but I can’t cum in their mouth. Now, you might think that this is an easily avoided situation but it makes the assumption that I – or, really, any guy – can prevent themselves from cumming… which is exactly why proper cock sucking etiquette pretty much demands that if he’s sucking your dick and you’re about to lose it, you tell him so he can move away. I’ve sat with such guys and they’ve asked me how they can suck dick but not get cum in their mouth and I’ll tell them honestly that the best way to avoid getting a mouthful of cum is to not suck dick at all (other than using a condom but a lot of guys, well, they ain’t gonna do that).

Even giving the warning doesn’t always go well since getting to the point of no return can show up quickly and hit the guy being sucked so hard that he might have planned to issue the warning… but that moment has chucked the plan out the window… and now the guy who expected to not get his tonsils creamed is getting their tonsils creamed… and not at all happy about that. Or, my other favorite, those guys who have said that they want their dick sucked… but don’t make them cum. I understand this and it’s not all that unreasonable since – and, again, as I’ve written time and time again – once a guy cums, it’s game over for them. Except, the fly in the ointment is guys tend to think about women sucking them and them not allowing them to cum so they kinda get it into their head that they’re going to be able to stop themselves from cumming, you know, provided that the guy sucking them can pick up on the signs that homey is about to lose it and just stop.

Yeah, well, nope. What a lot of guys don’t know – and because there’s no way for them to know – is how their body is going to react and because it’s a guy doing the sucking. My personal record for getting a guy to cum is… ten seconds. And all I did to him was suck on his nuts because, well, he had asked me to do that first. I got down there and started sucking his balls and ten seconds later, I heard him yelp, “Oh, shit!” I looked up at him… and got a face full of spunk. He wasn’t happy about that (and, truthfully, neither was I but it was an accident) and even said that it wasn’t what he had expected. But in doing my due diligence, I had told him that whatever expectations he had in mind before we get started? Get rid of them because there’s no telling what’s really going to happen until it actually does. The good part for both of us is that he did officially get his dick sucked but in the time it took for him to recover, I had to explain to him that neither of us did anything wrong – you just can’t have an expectation about how something is going to happen and then expect it to happen like that.

I’ve had guys, after the fact, be totally bummed out and usually because what we did didn’t go the way he had expected or, in the devilish details, he didn’t feel the way he had thought he would. Ditto for those guys who got it into their head that just being able to take a dick in their mouth at all was gonna be easy and a no-brainer… then, in that moment of truth, they find out that, nope, can’t bring themselves to do it… and their first time wasn’t even close to the one they imagined and/or expected. I’ve had guys practically lose their shit and get to feeling some kind of way because they expected to get their dick sucked and bust the biggest nut ever… and the reality was that they couldn’t even get hard. Not my fault… but definitely theirs because they let whatever was going on in their head cause their body to not react as expected. I’ve told them, at this very embarrassing point, to stop thinking about it which, of course, is easier said than done. Likewise, I’ve had guys not cum at all and even though I explained to them that, yep, it’s very possible that one can get so excited about this that they can wind up overstimulating themselves and, nope, busting a nut ain’t gonna happen.

So many thing can go wrong and the things that usual do go wrong are the things that no one thinks will go wrong. It’s one thing for a guy to tell me that he’s kinda sure that when it’s time to do it, he hopes I don’t get angry with him when he chickens out; at least he’s aware that he might not be able to go through with it. But those guys who are 100% sure they’re not gonna chicken out? Yeah, that. And the number one culprit is usually having expectations that, honesty, cannot always be met since, again, thinking about how this is going to go just might not match the reality of how things can happen… or not.

In my early cock sucking days, shit… I don’t know how many times I kicked my own ass when a cock sucking session didn’t go the way I expected it to and because it didn’t, fuck, it just had to be my fault that things didn’t go as expected. I’m not going to say that in some of those times it wasn’t my fault… because it probably was or I know for a fact that I screwed it up for both of us. But I also began to understand that when a blow job goes wrong, um, it’s not because of anything I did or didn’t do and it wasn’t one of those situations where shit just got fucked up and for no apparent reason and neither of us were to blame… because it’s almost impossible to account and “plan” for every little thing that could go wrong. And, yeah, if things didn’t go well or right, it was because I expected it to… and I shouldn’t have.

First-timers wanna know how not to be disappointed and I tell them that the best way to not be disappointed is to not expect anything to happen before it actually does and then, whatever happens, just happens and if it doesn’t, well, sometimes, shit doesn’t happen and it’s not always someone’s fault that it didn’t. The actual physical act of sucking a dick and being sucked isn’t the no-brainer it can be assumed to be and more so when the one thing that can fuck everything up tends to happen within one’s own skull. As a first-time provider, I’ve learned that if I expect anything, it’s to expect the unexpected and, yeah, I know, that sounds kinda weird since I’ve already said that the best way to go about sucking dicks is to not have any expectations but this is the one exception to the rule. Even I don’t know what’s going to happen and that includes anything that might go on with myself.

Guys get to talking about their thoughts and feelings and, yes, their expectations and it’s good to let them talk about these things so I can tell them to let all of that go and just let whatever is going to happen, happen. Stop thinking about it. Relax as much as you can and just breathe; you might be surprised at how something as simple as not breathing can make the whole thing go wrong; I’ve seen guys hyperventilate or start holding their breath – and almost pass out… and I’ve had a couple of guys pass out. Things like cumming “too soon” or not at all can be devastating for a first-timer and, yep, not getting hard or losing their erection along the way can have the same effect and impact.

Of all of the things I associate with giving a guy his first experience, the one thing I’ve learned to not like so much is doing damage control which is very damned important just the same. Things in this just do not always go as expected. Like the guy who busted in ten seconds flat? It took me almost an hour to get him to understand that what just happened can happen; not anyone’s fault and I wasn’t going to blame him for something that I know he has no real control over and that there was no way he could have imagined that what did happen was going to happen. He was mortified and embarrassed and I had to convince him that there was no reason for him to feel the way he was feeling – it happens but, yes, I understand that it’s a whole and very different thing when it happens to you and when you didn’t expect it to.

If there’s a “real” problem, it’s having expectations. It’s normal to expect that some cock sucking is going to happen and it’s just as normal to expect that the unexpected isn’t going to show up and fuck everything up… but you gotta know that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong – and then don’t think like that. A guy asked me what expectations I had when we were talking about sucking each other off and I think he was surprised or baffled when I said, “I don’t have any expectations.” I knew what I wanted to do but experience had taught me a long time ago to not expect anything before the fact and that includes anything happening at all – and then, if/when it all goes wrong, don’t get all fucked up in the head about it because shit happens and almost always when you don’t expect, want, or need it to.

For some guys, it can go wrong before they can even find themselves in the situation of making their first experience real… because they have some very specific shit in mind that, again, includes their ideal guy to have that first experience with and, of course, what goes wrong is not being able to find him and that gets compounded because a lot of guys are looking for that ideal guy… and quite unwilling to put in any work toward finding him… and if he even and really exists at all. Sometimes, things go wrong just because they can but usually? They go wrong because the person expecting it to go as planned got it into their head that things were going to go as planned, wanted and, yes, expected.

No plan survives first contact with the enemy… and not every first experience does, either… or any experience for that matter. At best, one can always hope that nothing does go wrong and, ideally, do not get it into your head that it will go wrong because, another of those things I’ve never pretended to understand is the uncanny “ability” for a guy to just know it’s going to go wrong… and that’s exactly what happens. Realistically – and because I can’t think of a better word – you fix it in your mind that this is what you want to do and that you’re going to do everything you can to make it happen and even know that it might not happen as expected or at all… then push all of that out of your head and just let whatever’s going to happen do just that. Don’t wanna deal with spunk? Wrap the dicks up in latex. Got concerns about performance? Cumming too soon or not at all? Hard to convince yourself not to get such thoughts in your head but you gotta learn not to let any such thoughts run wild since chances are that having such thoughts will lend themselves to things going wrong.

I talk about being in the moment and can’t say enough about how important that is… and how hard it is. Guys tend to think about the end of things – busting a nut – and they tend to get fixated on this and so much that they wind up not being in the moment – not being in the here and now – but envisioning a future event that hasn’t happened yet… and might not happen at all. It’s okay to say to yourself, “I’m looking forward to sucking dick and being sucked and cumming!” but when it’s moment of truth time, it’s not all that easy to set all of those before the fact thoughts aside and just be in each and every moment and going with them as they progress… and, yeah, again, if they do at all. Expectations are nice… but the sheer reality of things often turns out to teach someone that things just do not unfold as expected… so don’t expect anything until something actually happens and then be only in that moment.

I know… it sounds counterproductive and even counterintuitive, doesn’t it? That’s probably because it is… and not really when you consider that in almost every situations where something M2M goes wrong, it’s not always because of something you didn’t foresee – it’s something you expected to happen including that something was going to happen at all. Making all of this even more problematic is… human nature. Much of our lives is centered upon cause and effect and computer programming-like thinking – if, then, else. Those three conditions opens up a Pandora’s Box of potential probabilities, outcomes – and in this case, that’s literal – and alternatives and all based upon whether things turn out to be to true or false. It’s the way we think and there’s not much we can do about that…

And to make it through a first time sexual situation with another guy, sometimes, it pays not to think. Be concerned; be “worried” about whatever has you concerned and before anything gets started, voice these things and have them addressed. Then, when you think you’re ready to do the deed, relax as much as possible, don’t forget to breathe, and just let it happen and unless something happens to really screw up the moment, well, just be aware that it could happen and, hopefully, the guy giving you your introduction has been considerate and honest enough to tell you that you can stop everything in its tracks at any time you want and need to… and it’s no big deal.

Experience has taught me that when a guy goes into this with some very specific shit in mind about what’s to be experienced, how it’s to be experienced, and how they expect to feel when it’s all said and done, ugh – sometimes, it just opens the door for shit to go wrong because, as previously mentioned, Mr. Murphy lives for being able to fuck up someone’s most deepest desires. And what can really bake one’s noodle is that sometimes something “has” to go wrongly so one can learn how to achieve the right, desired, and expected results.

The glorious and mind-blowing first time does happen… and sometimes it just doesn’t. No one wants to wind up being disappointed and all that and there’s no easy way to avoid it other than, I think, not to set yourself up to fail by letting your expectations dictate things, uh, let’s say, too much.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Odd Statistics

I think my brain is having “one of those days” because, out of nowhere, it got me thinking about some stuff about sex with guys, like, how many gay guys I’ve slept with versus the number of bi guys/very curious guys… and I looked at my coffee cup and wondered for a moment if there was something in there other than coffee.

But my brain wasn’t done; it wasn’t content with sorting that out and went on to remind me of what kind of sex I’d had with both… catagories of men, thinking about how they hit on me – blatantly or with much subtlety – and I took a sip of coffee and… yep, still coffee even though I may have shorted myself a few scant grains of sugar in today’s first cup.

Oh, yeah – this was getting crazily interesting and, as always and when my noodle gets to running away with itself, I didn’t question where all of this was coming from; I knew I had to write it all down before it got “erased;” and now it’s about just going along for the ride. My brain was even nice enough to remind me that I don’t have any angst or whatever toward gay men and pointed out that I should write that to let y’all know this as well; my brain is such a nice guy at times.

“Did you know that you’ve been fucked by more non-gay guys than gay guys?” my brain pointed out to me… and in the internal conversation I’m having with myself I was like, yeah, I do know that since, um, I was there remember? My brain “nodded” in agreement and went on to point out – and in its somewhat snarky voice, “Well, then you know that you’ve sucked more cock that wasn’t attached to a gay man… but have had more gay men suck your dick… but the numbers for guys who weren’t gay are pretty damned close, right?“

Yep, I know that, too; I’m not sure where my brain is going with this but as I said, I’m just going along for the ride at this point; it’s just better to let these moments run their course since when I get like this, it can be rather interesting. Then my brain switched gears and direction on me!

“Hey, do you remember that time when you and your boy “Finn” went to get some weed from this dude that Finn knew? You know, the guy with the Steinway piano?“

Does my brain not know that I do remember that? Sheesh. I “nod” to myself and urge my brain to get to the point it’s obviously trying to make.

“Well, you remember that you’re sitting at the piano and playing and while you were playing, home boy showed you those pictures, you remember, the ones where in one picture, two dudes were sucking each other in a 69 and, in the other, they were fucking… and then he asked you which picture did you like the most?“

I do indeed remember that and I remember how weird that moment was, up to and including the fact that this guy, who was obviously gay, was rubbing my back and kinda whispering in my ear about those pictures… and my boy Finn was sitting there trying not to laugh his ass off. I even remember looking at him and seeing him shrug like he was saying, “Hey, you’re on your own with this one!” I stopped playing since, for one, he was now rubbing my lower back and close to my ass and if it was his intent to distract me, well, it worked. That and he was still so close to me that he could have been in my shirt with me and waiting for me to answer his question… and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer it or not. But, eh, fuck it; I said that I more liked the picture of the two guys in a 69 than the guys fucking; I remember mentally slapping myself because I knew that the moment the words got out of my mouth, I knew what he was going to say next – and he didn’t disappoint in that regard.

“Yeah, I know you remember the look you had on your face when he said, “Well, come on – let’s do that one!” don’t you?“

Yeah, asshole – I don’t know why you keep thinking that I don’t remember it and before you see fit to remind me, yes – I very much remember the two of us in his huge poster bed and sucking each other off… twice. And, yes, I do remember that I enjoyed the fuck out of it and I definitely remember punching Finn dead in his face for not warning me that his weed dealer was gay and there was a chance he was gonna hit on me an, yeah, yeah, I remember that happened after Finn fucked the guy.

“I pointed that out to you to ask if you are aware that between bi and gay guys, almost all gay men have been so blatantly forward and in your face about getting with you… while bi guys were more or less subtle,” my brain said and, well, it was right, of course; if there was a thing I liked about gay guys, it was they had no shame in their game about what they wanted to do with me and letting me know in no uncertain terms. There were many times when a gay guy would look at me, start licking his lips or something, and let me know – with a great deal of confident certainty – that not only wanted to suck my dick, it would be better than I’ve ever experienced. And, um, sometimes, it was but I also remembered that, in a lot of those moments, the gay guy thought he was about to get with a virgin in these things… and got one hell of a surprise to find out that sucking dick? Not my first rodeo.

“How about that time when you went over to that gay dude’s place and he kinda got pissed off because, when he put on some gay porn, he caught you rolling your eyes over it?” my brain asked. Yep… I remember that time, too, as well as all of the times a gay dude threw on some gay porn and then asked me what I thought about whatever was playing… and getting miffed to hear me tell them that it doesn’t excite me one bit. I also remember being with guys who’s idea of throwing hints my way was to put on some straight porn but instead of offering up a running monologue about how hot the woman was, they’re trying to be, uh, nonchalant about the guy’s dick, how big it was, stuff like that.

I remember this one guy who was providing such a monologue and when the woman in the flick started going down on her on-screen partner, the guy showing the porno tried to sneak in his question: Have I ever wondered what it’s like to suck a guy’s dick or what it might be like to be fucked? I actually remember thinking – and while also thinking about whether or not I wanted to answer him – that gay guys are so much better about making their intentions known right up front. I wound up saying to this guy, “If that’s what you want us to do, why don’t you just fucking say it instead of trying to sneak it past me?” I went on to tell him that I didn’t have to wonder about either thing since I’d done more of it than he probably has and longer than he could imagine… and when he “formally” asked if we could do that, I said, “Nope…” and left.

I didn’t care if he was pissed off or not. While I do find the way some guys try to get into your underwear to be hilariously funny at times, I don’t like having my intelligence insulted; if you wanna do something, just fucking ask me if I want to since if you’re being honest about it – and not trying to “fake me out” about it, chances are I’ll say yes and having seen whatever porn is being shown has nothing to do with it.

That gay man I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Oh, my goodness – he was royally pissed that I didn’t find the gay porn he was showing as interesting as he did and asked me why I didn’t. My answer was, “I’d rather do it than watch it on a screen…” and proceeded to blow his brains out to, ah, illustrate my point. The next time we got together, he didn’t bother to put on any porn.

“Of course I know you remember how many gay dudes were highly pissed with you because you aren’t gay,” my brain said and, boy, do I ever remember those times! The worst “insult” I’ve ever gotten from a gay man was him saying that he’d gladly suck my dick and let me fuck him if I hadn’t told him that I was bi and still liked that nasty-assed pussy. I’ve had more gay men just lose their shit because, for one, I made it clear that there was no dick on the planet that could make me give up women and pussy and being their boyfriend was out of the question. Bi guys get the “advantage” in this because if anything, they’d want to know if we could get together again at some point but being “boyfriends?” Yeah, let’s not and say we did. While my memory contains many instances where a gay man was all NSA about things, a lot of them just weren’t.

The good thing about all of this… comparative thinking is that I got to learn some important differences between my bi brothers and the gay ones… and I still don’t know why my brain chose this moment to remind me of any of this but, still going along for the ride anyway. Without any prompting from my brain, I remember the many times I’ve gotten into heated arguments with gay men who had a beef with me because I was one of those confused and in denial motherfuckers and I didn’t make the situation any better by saying, “You didn’t say that when I had my dick all up in your mouth/ass, did you? You didn’t seem to have a problem with me being bi then, did you? So, what are you really saying? That bi guys are good enough to have sex with but we’re all fucked up or some shit like that because we’re not gay? Is that what you’re saying?”

I very much remember saying that to a gay dude and, welp, he decided to take a swing at me. I was already pissed off at what he had to say to begin with and, well, let’s say that I’m sure he’d think twice about doing some dumb shit like that… and with someone who is, essentially, a trained killer. No, not to worry – I didn’t kill him but he did get his ass kicked. I don’t have much of a problem having such heated debates on bi versus gay – I expect it – but when you decide that you wanna resort to violence? I will make you regret it. One such guy said, after some really good sex, that he had a mind to slap the taste out of my mouth and actually drew his hand back… and I told him that if his hand even twitched a little bit, he’s gonna wake up in the ER because I do not play that shit at all. Get mad at me all you want… but keep your hands to yourself.

The good part is that while I had a few of those kinds of experiences, they’ve been far and few between. I don’t discriminate between bi and gay men but for those people in the “hearts, not parts” contingent, I very much pay attention to attitudes and mindsets when it comes to things M2M first and foremost. Some gay men are delightfully direct and have no shame about making their intentions known but some bi guys, well, not so much and it might take them a few to get to asking if we can do something and even then, it’s not what’s being asked but how it’s being asked. I don’t play “macho” games or get into all that alpha male bullshit since I’m just as alpha as the next guy and more bi guys seem to like this shit than gay guys I’ve run into. With gay men, you just know where they’re coming from but with bi guys, eh, not always which has always served to reinforce my three pieces of criteria and especially the last one: Don’t be my idea of an asshole.

It often pains me to know that I’ve run into more bi guys who were my idea of an asshole than gay guys who met or exceeded this one and there’s a reason for it… but one I can’t actually explain and more so when I’d probably still be writing this for a couple of days trying to really and truly explain it. I know guys who wouldn’t sleep with a gay man if they had to in order to save their life and I know gay men who wouldn’t sleep with a bi guy even if you threatened their life… and none of that really makes any damned sense but the short version, I think, is that both sides of this M2M coin have developed some “bad apple prejudices” about each other and have applied them across the board: If one is like this, all are like this. The ongoing “trend” of instant gratification plays heavily into this as well, methinks: I want what I want and in the exact way I want it and without exception… and I want it right the fuck now.

One of the things that I talk to Cityman about is how exasperated he gets when guys – and, it seems, mostly gay guys where he lives – tend to get very pissy with him because he’s not of a mind to drop whatever he happens to be doing in order to accommodate them and in ways that he’s not of a mind to do so… and there are a lot of both bi and gay men who have this very annoying and often very rude behavior. I’m able to remember all of the times some guy has gone on and on about how he’s going to fuck me and how I’m gonna beg him to fuck me… even though I made it clear that I’m not interested in fucking… and coming out their face like this does nothing other than to increase my disinterest… and, statistically, there have been more bi guys who behave this badly than gay men I’ve come across.

Yes, my runaway brain: I do remember this stuff and I can’t ever forget it. If my bisexuality has taught me anything of great import, it’s why women behave the way they do about men and, yes, brain, there’s a lot of stuff I’ve learned about men from women up to including even their tendency to make all of us guilty for any offenses one guy threw at them way back in the day or the last time they dealt with a dude. Male bisexuality isn’t all peaches and cream; it’s gritty and messy and heavily laden with a lot more internal prejudices than one can shake a stick – or a dick – at… and now I’m pretty sure that my mind decided to get into this… statistical comparison to keep me grounded and looking at this as realistically as possible and that it’s not so much what we can do with each other but, more often than not, how we go about things.

And being my idea of an asshole isn’t going to get anyone anywhere. If I don’t think that your head is in a place that I think is, um, conducive for us doing something, nothing is going to happen and trying to bullshit me or otherwise fake me out? Please… I’m a guy and, as such, I know how to play the game and, again, chances are good that I’ve been playing it a lot longer than they have and in some cases, well before a lot of guys were even born – the advantage of being an OG bisexual from back in the day. It doesn’t really matter if a guy is gay or bi but what does matter – what always matters – isn’t what they want to do:

It’s where their head is about it and even more important, where my head is about it, too. There are a lot of guys on both sides of the M2M coin who either forgot or never knew that you really can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. My brain did ask, at some point while I was typing all of this, “How many times have you said to a guy, “You can’t ask me any better than that?“”

Too many times and, statistically, it’s not a good thing and when it comes to bi guys versus gay guys in this, they’re about even in this regard and my brain, for some reason, saw fit to remind me that bi or gay, you stand a better chance of getting me naked by not being my idea of an asshole or otherwise trying to play or bullshit me.

“Okay – I’m done now,” my brain just informed me and, whew, I’m glad that this ride is over with – for now – and just as glad to have gotten all of this out of my head… and now I can stop and let my computer reboot after the Windows update finishes installing…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: And Now the “Oh, No” Moment

Methinks I’d be remiss not to scribble something about this. One of those “Captain Obvious” kind of things says that not everyone who tries the same-sex thing finds it to their liking and, sometimes, it’s not because of anything that might have been stomping through their head before, during, and/or after the fact – sometimes it’s the person they’re with that gives birth and rise to that “Oh, no…” moment and even then it’s not always what they did but how they went about doing it.

It always sounds like a good idea until it’s been proven that it wasn’t… but in these things – and before the fact – it gets weird because, yes, it sounds like a great idea while not being so great at almost the same time. All kinds of stuff going through one’s mind and working toward the go/no-go decision and, yeah, usually more about the “bad” aspects than the “good” ones but, sure; if one doesn’t get cold feet before anything happens, the go decision is made, things get going and… oh, no.

I’ve been asked – a lot – why this happens to people. After all, they “gave their word” and/or otherwise decided and agreed to do this and the first thing I’ve said toward this is, “Well, people do change their minds, don’t they?” It’s more than that, of course, since at any point in this there’s still a lot of shit going on inside their head and causing a lot of anxiety, apprehension, self-doubt, second-guessing themselves, and just flat out being scared because, again and quite oddly, they don’t know what’s really gonna happen.

There are even guys – since I’m mostly talking about them in this – who, even as they proceed, have already made up their mind that they’re not going to like what’s about to take place but, okay, they just might, there’s some doubt (and that other stuff I mentioned) and it can all come to a head – no pun – and they find themselves in that “oh, no” moment and, most of the time, call a halt to things… and sometimes they don’t because, I’d say, a lot of this is about honor and shutting it all down can mean that they just went back on their given word.

Yep – I’ve watched a lot of guys go through this moment and I don’t really take any pleasure or anything like that when they’re having a moment that I told them they might have. Some guys have that moment in the moment of truth; mouth is about to meet cock (and no matter who goes first in doing this) and, oh, no! Sometimes the connection is made and a few seconds later, oh, no! I’ve seen guys get past the beginning, they’re kinda/sorta into it and they’re in that “I gotta cum!” moment and… oh, no!

That moment can happen at any time because one’s mind just doesn’t really shut down in the face of sexual stimulation/pleasure; it’s been hard at work the whole time assessing what’s going on and while having that moral argument going on at the same time and it can put them right into having an “oh, no” moment but, as I said a few paragraphs ago, sometimes, their own thoughts, feelings, misgivings, and, yeah, guilty feelings aren’t responsible for the “oh, no” moment showing up because they’re kinda fine and dandy…

Until the other guy says or does something and it doesn’t take much to set the “oh, no” moment off. I’m damned experienced in this and I’ve had guys trigger my “oh, hell, no” moment because of something they said or did that either I didn’t like or something that wasn’t part of the agreement and, yep, even though I know that “heat of the moment” shit does happen; if we agree not to fuck and he’s trying to fuck me, yeah – oh, hell, no – and everything grinds to a screeching halt or, really, anything that, in that moment, I have an issue with like this one guy who hauled off and slapped my balls so hard I almost tossed my cookies – and I had punched him dead in the face before I realized my hand was even moving.

In a lot of situations and during what I call “the moment of absolute clarity” that arrives either before a guy busts a nut or immediately afterward, some guys can have a very bad “oh, no” moment and usually, “What the fuck did I just do?” and if the refractory period of sex has not only run them over but backed up and ran them over again, that just makes the “oh, no” moment even worse for them… and let’s not forget that they’ve been aware that this was something they had no business doing right from the start.

In talking about it with guys after the fact, I learned that some were having an “oh, no” moment while things were being done but instead of calling a halt to things, they kept going – what’s up with that? Sometimes – again – it’s a matter of honor but sometimes, honor has nothing to do with it… but their mind is still fucking with them about it and maybe, just maybe, things will get “better” as they go along and some guys just resign themselves to the fact that they got themselves into something they’re not having fun with and it’s not worth it to shut it down, either because they don’t want to start an argument or their pride is telling them that if you say stop, that means you’re a yellow-bellied chump or something else along those lines.

Even when you sit a guy down and tell him what to expect and do so in as many clear ways you can bring to bear and he lets you know that he understands all that you’re telling him, that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna have an “oh, no” moment… and some guys are of a mind that they’re not going to, well, until they find out they’re having one and it bears repeating:

Their mind really doesn’t go on vacation while the sex is happening. Men have had the very bad rep of being “mindless” during sex and overthinking things, too, and if you were to ask a guy what he was thinking about during sex, chances are he’ll tell you that he wasn’t thinking about anything but what’s really going on is that he wasn’t thinking about anything that he was aware of and, yeah, sometimes, they do know what they were thinking but not of a mind to share it but you just don’t really stop thinking even when caught up in the throes of sex and some of the stuff that might be going on in your head can trigger an “oh, no” moment.

Yep – it always sounds like a good idea until it’s not a good idea. A guy’s mind can throw a wrench into things or the other guy can be the one tossing the wrench in and, you betcha – sometimes, even he doesn’t know what he did or said to trigger the “oh, no” moment… and sometimes they do – they just didn’t think that whatever they did or said to trigger the moment would do just that. It’s also worth mentioning that it’s not just new guys who can have one of these moments; experienced guys can have them and because of the sentence that began this paragraph.

In any situation, it’s not that an “oh, no” moment isn’t or can’t show up… it’s what happens if/when it does. Some guys shut it right down and some guys don’t and if they didn’t – and this gets brought up after the fact, the question usually is, “Well, if you didn’t really wanna do it, why did you do it?” – and good luck trying to make sense of whatever the guy who had the moment says about it. Sometimes, the “oh, no” moment isn’t that “I just fucked up” kind of thing; sometimes, the “oh, no” moment is in the form of, “Well, shit; that wasn’t as much fun or as good as I thought it would be – damn!”

Way too many reasons for this one and reasons that one or both guys can be “guilty” of and I’ve always thought that any time someone’s expectations haven’t been met or exceeded, someone is going to have some degree of an “oh, no” moment. The thing is that these moments happen and even when one has reason to think, feel, or believe that it won’t or it can’t and, honestly and truly, they’d love it if the “oh, no” moment never showed up at all.

Sometimes, the “oh, no” moment can be very traumatic and as I’ve said before, I’ve seen guys throw up, break down and start crying, and even jump up and starting running around in circles or some other action; I witnessed one guy having such a moment and he was reciting the Gettysburg Address and, nope, I’m not making that up. As one who has given a lot of guys their very first experience in this, I am always on the lookout for any signs of the other guy having an “oh, no” moment and I will stop even if they don’t say anything to ask them if they’re okay and if they say anything that sounds like, “Not, really…” then it’s over and time to make sure if he’s gonna be okay and then there’s no guarantee that he is going to be okay.

It’s fantastic to give a guy an “aha” moment; not so much when he has an “oh, no” moment and the thing I think that makes this worse is seeing a guy going through such a moment… and doing nothing to help him get through it, both at that moment and even after the fact. Some guys can handle it; a lot of guys just can’t and I’ve heard way too many first-time horror stories where a guy had an “oh, no” moment and the other guy did nothing other than to keep doing whatever he was doing or, even worse, giving the guy who said, “Stop!” a bunch of shit about stopping things.

An unattended “oh, no” moment will plant in someone’s mind that if the shit was fucked up then, it will always be fucked up so let’s not even go there again and even then, some guys won’t go there… and some guys continue to feel and have the need to go back again – the “compulsion” some guys feel to have sex like this is stupidly powerful and not all that easy to ignore.

What should a guy do to not have an “oh, no” moment? Would you believe that I don’t have an answer to that because there’s no “one size fits all” answer that I’m aware of? I will tell a guy both the good and bad of it and will tell them that they can have an “oh, no” moment at any time and they can say, “stop” at any time and it won’t be a bad reflection on them and if I think they’re in some kind of distress, I’ll stop it to check on them and if I think they’re not as okay as they say they are, yeah – time to stop because I know that if it doesn’t stop, it’s not going to be a good thing for them.

Even in this, you just don’t and can’t know if the other guy is going to have one of these moments and most of the time, the guy himself doesn’t know or doesn’t expect or anticipate that he’s gonna have one of those moments. You can’t or don’t even know what, if anything, he might do in such a moment and he, well, shit, he might not even know how he’s going to react to such a moment because that if/then/else process doesn’t always work as “logically” as it might be assumed to work. That “oh, no” moment is more emotional than physical in the majority of times and logic just tends to fail miserably when a strong emotional response appears and, again and again, there’s no telling if or when that can happen… or if it’s gonna happen at all… or it just might happen later on down the road.

Here’s the “mistake” I think guys who have an “oh, no” moment make: They don’t ever wanna talk about it and they should and more so when the real problem isn’t that they had such a moment; the real problem and “damage” happens when they keep it all bottled up inside and thinking they can deal with it on their own – then find out that they can’t… and some guys just ain’t ever gonna admit to themselves or anyone that they couldn’t deal with it.

Sometimes, we’re just too “macho” for our own good; we even read too much into it or, sometimes, not enough; nothing, I think, makes a guy who’s had this moment feel shittier than realizing that he didn’t think things through as well as he should have before diving right into it – and I think it’s both okay and normal for a guy to say, even to himself, “I didn’t think this through enough…” and/or that he overthought it so much that they made themselves have an “oh, no” moment when, all after the fact, they now know that it shouldn’t have happened.

A guy can get to feeling some kinda way that’s not good about this so much that it glosses over or just “erases” any notions that before the “oh, no” moment hit, they were enjoying themselves and to whatever degree they were; that one usually results in them giving a, “Yeah, but…” response when asked if there was anything about it they were enjoying before it all went south.

You just don’t know what’s gonna happen until it actually happens and this is true even for experienced guys. What you think or expect to happen doesn’t always match the reality of what could happen and it’s made worse because no one can think of every single possibility that could show up and, yeah, some guys have an “oh, no” moment because they’ve actually “victimized” themselves before the clothing came off. If it were possible, the best way to avoid having an “oh, no” moment is to not think… and the human mind just doesn’t work like that.

If a guy has fears or concerns before the fact, they are going to stay on his mind even in the background; there’s always that part of one’s consciousness that is always paying attention to what’s going on and despite what’s going on and the moment it runs into something that’s a “problem,” here comes an “oh, no” moment and it might not be so easily “resolved” or set aside, you know, depending on what triggered it but, yeah, if one’s mind, at any time, starts screaming, “You are making the biggest mistake that can be made!” it’s hang on to your hat time because the resulting reaction is not going to be a good one and by no stretch of the imagination.

None of this is really the “no-brainer” it appears to be. Again, some folks think that guys are so mindlessly slaves to their libido that they just jump right into this without giving it much thought and, true enough, some guys do – and then find out that it wasn’t the “no-brainer” they thought it was supposed to be or expected to be. It still and almost always sounds like a good idea right up to the moment where, oh, no! It can happen before, during, and/or after the fact and, yeah, it can really be the biggest mistake they ever made or it’s just their mind fucking with them and “denying” that what they were doing (or did) was all that and a big bag of chips because, you know, guys aren’t supposed to have sex with each other and they’re sure as hell not supposed to like it if they do.

I faithfully and dutifully remain the guy who will talk about this because it needs to be talked about. All one can do if they’re considering taking the plunge – and this goes for the ladies, too, in case you think I forgot about them – is to be as positive about plunging as you can manage and with the understanding that an “oh, no” moment can show up; it can be their “fault,” the other person’s “fault,” and, holy crap – no one’s “fault” because, sometimes, shit just goes wrongly because it can.

My advice? Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you can’t have an “oh, no” moment – but don’t go plunging and thinking that it’s definitely gonna happen because if it does, chances are good that they way you were thinking was responsible or, yep – you just became your own worst enemy with this one. Do your best to find a partner you can dive in with and one that you are sure that if things go south, they’re not going to leave you hanging and now you’re trying to deal with this all by yourself. They don’t have to be “all into you” – they just gotta really and seriously give a fuck about making your experience the best one possible and that includes making sure that you’re really okay before, during and especially after the fact.

That some people can’t or won’t do this and even if they said they would, well, that’s another scribble…