Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A First Time for Everything

We’ve all heard this truism and something that’s so obvious that sometimes we don’t pay a whole lot of attention to first times after they’ve already passed, except maybe to have a reason to remember them fondly or while grimacing.

One of the things I learned early on about this bisexual thing – and mostly through the experiences of others – was how fucked up a lot of guys’ first time went and they were fucked up because they weren’t really sure of what they were getting themselves into; they had an idea – and one based on rumor and hearsay – but short of that, nope, not really a clue.

Then there were those guys who did have a clue but their first experience was anything but the mind-blowing event they had anticipated; not because the sex they experienced wasn’t all that but because when they had that moment of internal crisis after the fact, there was no one to help them, one, understand it and, two, help them get through it.

One guy I was talking to had said something along the lines of he’d be more receptive to playing with a dick if it wasn’t for the fact that the guy who gave him his first experience didn’t finish the job by leaving him hanging with a lot of doubts and fears.

I recall making a mental note to myself saying that if/when I gave a guy his first time, don’t leave him all fucked up about having done it.  Also around this time, I was seriously and studiously learning as much as I could about this bisexual thing and from every aspect I could and whatever was available, which wasn’t a whole lot.  I don’t know or remember how many guys I talked to, hearing their stories, their successes and failures, as well as their hopes in this and as opposed to how and why some were totally disillusioned, like the one guy who had, in his view, a very bad first experience; he had said that if the guy who did him had told him what he was getting himself  into before the fact, he wouldn’t have taken the plunge at that time.

I found myself talking to a lot of guys who were interested in checking out dick but, clearly, they weren’t sure what they would be getting themselves into and I’d tap into the wealth of knowledge I had obtained and told them what I knew and, yeah, what I’d experienced.  For some guys, it made them rethink wanting to do the nasty with another guy; for others, well, they were still gonna go for it with someone but now they learned that forewarned is forearmed – it’s better, much better, to have an understanding about this before the fact.

I also found myself having such conversations with guys and after listening to their thoughts about doing this (and, yeah, sometimes they wanted to do it with me), it was my thought that, you know, maybe you shouldn’t do this until you’re either more sure or you’ve got your head screwed on more or better.  I understood, and even if they didn’t yet, that diving into this is a life-changing event and that’s putting it mildly because while it could be an amazing thing to experience, it could also ruin someone’s life with a lot of things that, left unattended to, well, to say things would be bad going forward was a gross understatement.

I’d give them the good old fashioned third degree and would really dig around inside their head to determine whether or not their desire to do this thing would be, at least in my own opinion, a good or bad thing for them.  I’d tell them about all the horror stories I’d heard, share with them those moments where I’d walk away from an encounter with a guy and kicking my own ass because something about the encounter rubbed me the wrong way.

A lot of guys I had this conversation with would just stop whatever they were trying to experience and rethink it all… and some guys would want to proceed despite now being armed with information.  For those guys who had decided that I should and would be the one to, ah, introduce them, the one thing they wanted to know, the one thing they wanted to be assured of,  was that I wasn’t going to leave them hanging should they encounter problems after the fact.

I’d tell them that it was okay and pretty normal to be scared shitless right before the fact, that there was really no shame in backing out at the last moment and that if things got going and they decided they couldn’t deal with it or otherwise found things not to their liking, it was okay to call a halt to things and not continue.

To me, it just seemed to be the right thing to say to a guy, to tell him what he was seeking to get himself into, the pros and cons of it all and, importantly, chances were good that at some point after the fact, some internal chaos could show up and turn their lives upside down.

And I learned so much more, like how some guys were 100% sure that this is what they wanted and needed… only to find out that this wasn’t as… glorious as they had thought – yet another of life’s lessons that teaches us that it can sound damned good in theory but in practical application?  Not so much and, hence, the importance of being there for a guy as much as possible when the shit hit the fan for them and their actions, instead of answering their questions, created even more questions that had to be answered.

I recall, a whole lot of years later, talking to a guy about dealing with first timers… and his approach, in my mind, was just totally irresponsible; to him, if a first timer didn’t understand what he was getting himself into, that wasn’t his problem or concern and if the first timer had issues during or after the fact, well, that wasn’t his problem, either.  His opinion of my adopted approach wasn’t a kind one; he had asked me why I should care one way or the other about any guy who was “stupid enough” to get himself into something that he didn’t know shit about or, as he so callously put it, “You pay your money, you take your chances…”

And if there’s an inherent problem with male bisexuality, it’s attitudes like this and such attitudes get developed because some guys just forget that, once upon a time, they, too, had a first time.  Maybe their first time didn’t go so well at any point in the experience and maybe it was the greatest thing since sliced bread… but to go forward and find themselves in the position of giving a newbie his first time – and not doing all that can be done in order to make that newbie’s first time the best it can possibly be, well, that’s just so totally fucked up.

True enough, even armed with all the information possible, not every first time experience goes swimmingly well, as evidenced by the many times I’ve seen guys just fall to pieces at some point.  The reality of taking that first step into both the unknown and the forbidden, to be polite about it, can be a motherfucker and a half because a lot of guys don’t find out whether or not they can deal with this until they find themselves trying to deal with it.  I’ve seen guys break down and cry; I’ve seen them get physically ill; I’ve seen them stop in their tracks and ask, “What am I doing?”

I’ve seen guys say, with much bravado, that they can handle this… and have seen them, after the fact, learn that, nope, not handling it well at all, are you?  Today, I sit and read about guys fantasizing about their first experience and, frankly, it makes me nervous to see how much about actually doing whatever they want to experience they don’t know.   They have an idea that it’s not really all that easy and while I can admire their determination to go through with their first time, often, you can tell that in their certainty, there’s still a lot of uncertainty and that’s to be expected:  Hearing about how it’s done just ain’t the same as being the one in the position to do it.

And a lot of those guys do, sadly and in fact, find out that it’s a lot harder than they could have imagined – and that’s just getting to that moment of truth where one does… or does not.  Some guys find themselves hung out to dry after the fact; again, now there are more questions than answers and, at least in my opinion, there is nothing worse than a guy having a very bad moment after the fact and there’s no one he can turn to who can help him get through this moment.

Maybe it’s a lot of “unnecessary hand-holding” or maybe even “babying” grown ass men who, in theory, should know what they’re getting themselves into but what really makes a guy’s first experience a good or bad one isn’t always up to him – it also depends on the guy giving that first experience.  There was a time where I’d talk a guy out of going for it at that time and I’d feel pretty crappy about it until I found that more often than not, I did him a favor by insisting that he do more thinking about this or ask a busload of questions before “blindly” jumping into the pool because those waters are so murky that you just aren’t really aware of how many “sharks” are swimming around in there, those guys who just don’t give a fuck about you or your feelings as long as you do what they want you to do.

Again, I’ve felt that those guys who don’t give a fuck don’t remember their first experience or are of a mind that because someone made their first experience a bad one, any guy who comes to them for their first time is gonna bear the brunt of that bad first experience – if it wasn’t all that good for me, why should it be all that good for you?

At some point, there’s only so much thinking one can do before the fact and for the new guy looking to have that first experience and breathing life into his fantasies, now it’s about that moment of truth where they’re really gonna find out if they can, in fact, do all that shit they were thinking about.  Fact:  Some can.  Also a fact:  Some just can’t.  And, again, my opinion, but guys need to know this before the fact.

Fact:  Some guys do extremely well during and after the fact.  Also a fact:  Again, some guys don’t do well at all… and they need to know this, too, when doing their before the fact thinking.

Some guys find having these thoughts and feelings to be scary and they can be but as I tell the guys on the bi guy forum, that ain’t even as scary as being naked with a guy and moments away from dealing with his cock or having him deal with theirs.  So you think you can suck a dick, huh?  Well, there’s now a dick right in your face waiting for you to do something to it… and now it doesn’t seem to be as easy as you thought it would be, huh?

Oh, you’ve read about having a dick in your ass, have you?  Think you know how to go about being fucked and even think that infamous pain just might not be as bad as you’ve heard and because you’ve stuff some toys in there and in preparation for your first dick?  Wait until you really feel the real thing going in there and the whole thing is being driven by a seriously horny guy.  Maybe he’s given his word that he’ll go slow and take it easy – and I’d never say that the guy’s word is invalid but the reality is shoving an inanimate object into your butt just really ain’t the same thing as feeling the real thing in your ass.

And guys looking for their first experience do need to know this, to have someone tell them the reality of it all… and I am often taken aback at how many guys aren’t willing to take the time to, at the least, make sure that the first timer before them is as ready as he can be to take that plunge.

As I’ve said, I’ve seen guys after the fact just… lose it.  They’re now asking if they really did do the right thing for themselves, asking if, oh, my god, are they really gay and other forms of mental duress.  And now the important thing is to assure them, and as best as can be done, that they’re really going to be okay and that what they’re going through in that moment isn’t unusual and, indeed, it was expected – and now here’s how we’re gonna handle this, okay, and it begins with a question:  I know what you’re feeling right now but I want you to go back to when you were all into doing it and the question I wanna ask about that moment is were you having fun?

You see, in that moment of after the fact distress, a lot of guys do “forget” that before they found themselves all bent out of shape, there were having a fun good time doing it… and this is the thing they should be focused on more than feeling guilty or now second-guessing themselves about something that they’ve already done – there ain’t no take-backs in this, after all.

Bi guys have a lot of “problems,” from finding someone they can talk to about this before any fact and finding both the confidence and even courage to take the plunge for the first time.  Ideally, they seek out and find a mentor, someone who will do their best to answer their questions and ward off any before the fact fears while telling them the unfiltered truth about having sex with another man and then in no uncertain terms.

And if a guy gets this valuable information and goes for it, it’s pretty damned important to have someone who’s gonna be willing and able to pick up the pieces should things fall apart… and because expecting them to fall apart can really and truly happen and in some rather spectacular and, sadly, devastating ways.

Call it stewardship, mentoring, or just being responsible but I’d rather talk a guy out of doing this and fill his head with a shitload of information than to see him go into his first experience and not so informed.  And anyone who’s reading this and contemplating their own first experience?  I’d encourage you to keep what I’ve written here in mind before you dive into the pool; understand what it is you’re thinking about getting yourself into but, importantly, do not fear it; sometimes, a first experience seems to go bad because one’s fears have already decided that it’s gonna be bad.  And if you can find a mentor, by all means, do so – it could be the difference between having an amazing first experience or having your worst nightmares realized.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Casual Sex

A bi guy is out on the town, runs into another guy, and they wind up having sex and, all after the fact, the bi guy is feeling cheap, tawdry, disgusted, and a few other adjectives I can’t think of at this moment not because he had sex with some guy he just met in a bar… but because he had sex and just for the sake of having sex.

And the question I ask is whether or not feeling like a hot mess in this situation makes any damned sense.  One of the things I hear a lot of bi guys (as well as the curious ones) talk about is not wanting to be bothered with casual sex – aka, the most-dreaded hookup, aka having sex with someone simply for the sake of having sex.

We’ve been mindfucked into believing that the only valid sex is relationship sex and it doesn’t make matters better when, religiously, fornication – sex outside of wedlock – is a sin.  We accept this to be the way things are supposed to be and why pre-marital sex was once (and maybe still is) very much frowned upon.  But another question I ask is that if casual sex is bad and the only good and proper sex is relationship sex, if one is without a relationship, um, how do they expect to get laid when they need to get laid – and especially men since, um, we’re kinda hard-wired to have sex?

We kinda/sorta no longer live in a time where men and women were greatly encouraged to save themselves for that one person who they’d fall in love with and, only then, have sex with and while men and women go about this in different ways, if someone has casual sex, eh, it’s not really that big of a deal and, methinks that having sex during the dating phase is not only about scratching an itch that needs to be scratched but part of the “interview” process because, um, who wants to be in a relationship with someone they can’t have good sex with… and the only way to determine this – and without a “formal” relationship in place is to have casual sex and even if it’s casual with a purpose.

This has become a big deal of a thing in the world of M2M and from my perspective – you know, having been around for a while – this is a departure from what was once consider to be par for the course, i.e., guys would have sex with other guys and for the sole purpose of having sex and if some “being into” happened, well, that could be a problem a lot of guys didn’t want to deal with; let’s just keep things less serious and just enjoy making each other bust a nut should we find that, er, we really like busting nuts with each other.

Somewhere along the line – and you’ve seen me scribble about this before, the concept of Friends With Benefits (FWB) came to be – all of the perks of being in a relationship but none of the responsibilities and a departure from the notion that one should never have sex with their friends.  This departure made sense because, um, sometimes, all you need is some sex and without the… complications that can happen from “catching feelings” and wanting to be all monogamous.  And while FWB can be considered to be a form of relationship, it’s not a committed, traditional kind of relationship so, depending on how you care to look at it, sex via FWB is still… casual sex.

Hmm.

Don’t get me wrong in that I do understand the moral implications involved; I’m just the guy who’ll question that and, once again, ask that if you want and need to get laid, how are you supposed to accomplish that if you’re not ensconced up to your eyeballs in a relationship… and more so if being in a committed relationship isn’t on your list of things to do or, duh, trying to hook one up is proving to be problematic?

As mentioned, NSA sex was the hallmark of things M2M and it seems that, today, eh, there’s not as much NSA sex happening as there once was; it hasn’t gone by the wayside by any stretch of the imagination, mind you, but the M2M dynamic has undergone a shift that now seems to imply that if you’re not, at the least, in a FWB situation with someone, just having sex with someone for the sake of scratching that itch is about as wrong as anything gets… which still heralds from a period of time when doing the nasty just because you could and wanted to made you a slut or a dog.

Where once upon a time, sex was something we were all encouraged to wait on, it’s like that old cartoon with the vultures sitting on a tree and talking about some poor soul about to shuffle off below them:  “Patience my ass – I wanna kill something!”  We’ve come to understand that having sex is a need just like eating is a need… and that if you keep waiting to take care of that need, uh, bad things tend to happen.  People started talking about instant gratification and in two ways – one of how selfish (and even immoral) such thinking is and the other along the lines of if you need it, go get it and to hell with what anyone else has to say about it.

Men had long ago figured out that you don’t have to be in love with someone to have sex with them; hell, you didn’t even have to like them a whole lot as long as there was mutual consent and agreement to do the nasty with each other.  That, um, had the unfortunate result of giving men a very shitty reputation that continues to exist today.  It brings to mind something that I’ve been saying a lot here lately:  Women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship; I don’t remember off hand where I read this and who wrote it, but it’s making a lot of sense to me and does, I think, explain why guys are more… favorable to casual sex than women.

And, perhaps not so much and, again, indicates a shift in the M2M dynamic that is either honorable or somewhat disturbing, depending on your point of view.  The thing is that people do have casual sex – despite the admonishments about doing it like that, people have always had casual sex and will continue to and simply because it suits their needs and for whatever other reasons makes sense to them.

My question is that if you have casual sex, is there any reason why one should feel horribly shitty because they had sex for the sake of having sex?  And if relationship sex is all that and a bag of chips, um, why are some people not all that happy about it?  That’s probably a question for another discussion but I mention it to make a point and that point is how we are all ready to deprive ourselves of something we know we need and for the sake of being respectable.

We do this – we seem to prefer to maintain that air of respectability over being tagged as slutty or doggy in our sexual behavior – again, I just ask if any of this makes really and truly makes sense.  Bi guys (and even bi gals) talk about being sexually repressed and that’s not too difficult to understand… but if a guy isn’t a fan of casual sex, um, isn’t that repression something of their own doing more than it’s someone else’s “fault?”  Granted, the rules don’t favor the same-sex thing but, sure enough, we skirt around that easily enough… but if you’re not willing to engage in some casual sex – and in the absence of relationship sex – is there any wonder why so many bisexuals feel repressed?

Cityman, in one of our many discussions about sexuality, said something about things appearing to be “normalizing,” i.e., M2M sex was shifting from the much-dreaded hookup to a more relationship-based thing and that if someone wasn’t interested in just having sex because they could do it, wow, very major and serious deal breaker.  His pointing this out got me thinking about it and more so when, in the early days of the “biphobic revolt,” a lot of people were, indeed, saying that they didn’t think they could be bisexual because they didn’t think they could be in a same-sex relationship – as well as those people who were saying that if you weren’t – or couldn’t be in a same-sex relationship, there’s no way you could be bisexual.

Except… bisexuality, in and of itself, was never about being in a same-sex relationship unless, of course, that’s how things worked out – it just wasn’t a given.  As I pondered this… normalization, yeah, I began to see what Cityman was talking about and a lot of guys on the forum were saying that they wanted to be able to avail themselves of this form of sexual expression… as long as casual sex wasn’t involved.  Some of those same guys would also say that while they weren’t interested in being someone’s “boyfriend,” casual sex?  Not gonna happen!  It’s meaningless, has no substance, is empty – stop me if you’ve heard this before.

Such things have made me scratch my head because there’s a contradiction going on here. You wanna have the sex, you don’t want to have a same sex relationship, but you also feel that just having sex because you want to has zero meaning and since this is the “case,” continuing to be sexually repressed is the only “logical” choice.  It’s that thing that makes a lot of guys stay on the bench and say that they can’t find someone they can have the sex with when, in fact, there are so many guys they can have the sex with that it alarms a lot of people.  What they really mean is that they can’t find someone to not have casual sex with; they can’t find that guy who’d be interested in being into them and, at the least, becoming their FWB – but short of having a “real” relationship.

I have told you that if you think women are funny about this, men are even funnier, haven’t I?

If you wanna play with a dick and you’re not ready or otherwise prepared to deal with a relationship, how are you gonna be able to play with a dick if you don’t engage in some casual sex?  One of the guys on the forum once said that he’s been looking for that one guy he can be all into and in every way that means but since that guy hasn’t magically appeared, his solution to this “problem” was to not have casual sex with other guys until Mr. Right came along.

And I asked him that if he wasn’t willing to, ah, interview guys for the Mr. Right position, what the fuck is he really doing?  Sure, a Mr. Right should be more than his ability to lay pipe and all that – there are other factors involved but keep in mind that men look for sex and find a relationship so, um, if you’re not willing to get naked with a guy and conduct that part of the interview, well, maybe you see the problem here and more so when, by and large, a lot of men want to do the nasty with other guys (and, yes, women) and without the hassles and complications of what having a relationship implies.

And maybe you don’t.  I’m still just the guy who points these things out and how these thing also makes what the biphobic bunch say about bisexual not really have as much weigh or import as they think that bullshit does.  We do think about what we’re doing and we do think about who we wanna do the nasty with and in some pretty exacting and specific ways… and casual sex is becoming one of those ways and is, seemingly, non-negotiable for a lot of folks.

And if y’all need something to think about, ask yourself why casual sex – sex for the sake of scratching that itch – is such a bad thing to do… then ask yourself why you think it is and you just might find out something that may surprise you… and, no, I’m not gonna tell you even though I know the answer – it’s on you to figure that out, if you want to or if you even care.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Top or Bottom?

On the heels of having scribbled, “TBT:  Reflections,” I saw this on the bi guy forum and it spurred me to write about it.  Of all the things M2M, this is one of the things that tends to mystify me and it’s in the form of a question:  How does a guy decide to be just a top, just a bottom, or to be both… and then, how does he decide on this without any actual sexual experience with another guy?

The terms of top, bottom, and versatile didn’t exist when I began my trip down this sexuality road and with the very horny guys I grew up with, you just did it all; you topped, you bottomed, you switched, you sucked dick and all in one “session” because nothing else made sense and to not be engaged in every aspect was deemed to be unfair.

So when one guy looked at another and asked the magic question:  “Hey – do you wanna do it?” it was implied that everything two guys could do to and with each other was gonna be done.  Eventually, guys began to settle into that which they liked the most but the main point here is that this… settling in didn’t happen unless one had engaged in all three of the modern roles of top, bottom, or versatile.

We learned by doing or, if you will, getting done.  Today, there are a lot of guys who somehow are able to decide which role they’d prefer to adopt and without any real experience whatsoever.  The bi guy forum seems to be “top heavy” with bottoms and wannabe bottoms; a lot of the experienced bottoms grudgingly admit to liking to top every now and then but express the preference of being on the receiving end of things.

Indeed, a lot of the forum’s bottoms got their “start” being bottoms and I’d suppose that it just made sense for them to remain bottoms because, um, they really liked bottoming more than anything else, that and some guys adopt the bottom role because when they’re having sex with women, they are always topping and as strange as it might sound, eh, that gets rather pedantic after a while and more so when a guy wants to experience being the one getting dicked and creamed.

And, perhaps, this is the same reasoning used by those guys who haven’t had a M2M experience yet and the one they want to experience is being a bottom?  I’m not sure and because there are aspects to this that evade every attempt to put it into words that make sense, it’s often not easy for a guy to explain how and why he’s made a choice about something he’s yet to actually do.

Over the decades, I’ve seen M2M stuff make what is to me an odd progression, that being, guys settling into a role and one that is “clearly” defined, i.e, tops do this, don’t do that and bottoms follow an identical “guideline.”  Tops may or may not suck cock (many don’t); their job is to offer up their cock to be sucked and as a prelude to getting it into the bottom’s bottom and busting that nut.  Bottoms seem to be relegated to sucking cock then offering their butts to be reamed and creamed…

And there’s no deviation allowed or expected; if you’ve declared yourself as a bottom, the thought that you could be called upon to top someone is… unthinkable and even undesirable; likewise, if you’re a top, having someone ask you to bottom for them is deemed to be undoable.  I recall having this discussion with Cityman way back when we first started talking to each other and his asserting that he was all top and that bottoming just wasn’t gonna happen.  Nothing unusual about this because I’d seen guys “automatically” assume this role and if for no other reason than for them, it was all about fucking and with zero thought to being fucked.

Which made me ask him, “What are you gonna do when you find yourself wanting to be topped?”  And then tell him – and with a certainty he wouldn’t have been familiar with at that time, “There will come a time when despite being a top, you will want to be topped.”

Needless to say, he didn’t believe me – but I knew he wouldn’t because it seems that even between bisexual men, once you adopt a role, it’s never supposed to change and there’s no reason for it to change.  This mindset speaks to a certain kind of “black or white” thinking and perhaps even a large amount of hubris to think and/or believe that finding themselves in the opposite role that they’ve adopted just can’t happen.

But I still don’t know or fully understand how a guy who has never had a sexual experience with another man can make such at hard-set decision.  I know that there are actually guys who think/believe that if they’re the ones doing the fucking, what they’re doing to the other guy isn’t gay and the same applies to sucking dick… and, at least to me, that’s so far from the truth that it’s really kinda funny to find a guy who believes this.  I get that a guy who tops wants to continue being a man and masculine so being the one laying the pipe is simply an extension to the sex he has with women; then you add in the known fact that taking a finger in the ass – let alone a hard dick – um, well, that shit hurts so it does make sense that there are guys who would rather avoid that.

A lot of bottoms talk about being/feeling submissive… or wanting to be made to feel this way and for the longest time, I’ve suspected that these guys are “automatically” adopting the female/submissive role in sex and all that’s been implied by this role and determined by how women are placed into this role and almost by default, as it were.  I know – and even if they’ve yet to learn – that while this sound rather attractive, to actually be subjected to a man’s lust isn’t always what it’s thought to be.  Comparatively speaking, sucking cock and sucking a guy off is easy… taking the preferred “big cock” in their butt – and then having it hammered “unmercifully” is a very different kettle of fish.  It’s not that the guy who lacks experience being topped doesn’t understand this because, for real and on the forum, there are again a lot of bottoms who are more than happy to share their experiences, both good and bad and I’d never say that having access to the experiences of others doesn’t go a long way to allowing an inexperienced guy to decide which role he’d prefer to be in.

I just don’t think that they’ve really given any thought to how the dynamic can really work… and it’s not always the way you’d prefer it to.  Cityman tells me about the push back he gets when he does, indeed, wants to be topped… and the guys he’s surrounded himself with just flat out refuse to top him; they’re bottoms, first, foremost, and always and he asks me why they won’t use their dicks and like they’re supposed to be used.

And the only answer I can give him is that either they believe – or have been made to believe – that they’re “lousy” at topping or otherwise believe that they can’t top… and even they’re not supposed to change horses in mid-stream.  In similar discussions with Cityman, I’ve asked him, “What happens when two tops or two bottoms find each other interesting enough to hook up?”

If you buy into the whole M2M top/bottom thing, logically, nothing can happen because these guys have locked themselves into a singular role while dismissing the fact that something could happen if two tops found each other “irresistible” or two bottoms did; the thought here – and it probably sounds a bit insane – that when it comes to sex, someone always has to be “the guy,” and someone always has to be “the girl” – and, as always, I don’t mean any disrespect to any woman reading this – it’s just the dynamic everyone knows about, like it or not.

If a guy settles into a particular role because he’s tried them all, well, I can understand that because nothing teaches you better about what you like and don’t like than actual experience… but I remain a bit flummoxed to make sense of how a guy “understands” this without one lick of experience and even basing their decision on what other men have spoken to or, gasp, what they’ve seen watching gay porn.

And maybe, just maybe, things M2M have progressed in a way where a guy doesn’t really need any actual experience?  See, I know that there are guys who have, indeed, wondered what a woman feels when she’s getting boned and, by extension, what it would feel like to be boned himself… and somewhere in his thoughts, he just decides that should he have that first M2M experience, it will be as a bottom – and I’m just not able to confirm that this is really the “legit” mechanism outside of some inexperienced guys saying, “I think I’d like this more than topping.”

What I’ve come to understand is how rigid these roles are and how some “dedicated” bottoms, when asked, will tell you in no uncertain terms that they know for a fact that they wouldn’t want to top a guy and they sure as hell wouldn’t like it… and when they’ve never topped a guy or has been asked to.  Tops aren’t all that different in this school of thought; they know, without any doubt whatsoever, that they wouldn’t like being topped and they’d never want to be topped and no power in this whole world could convince them to be topped…

Which also explains how totally surprised a dedicated top or bottom can be when they find themselves in the opposite role… and find it to their liking despite their thoughts otherwise.  That’s about the time when the waffling begins:  It’s not something they’d do all of the time but, sure, with the right guy, they’d engage in topping or bottoming.

And I just wonder what the hell is really going on in their minds about their adopted roles and why they’re of a mind that one role is “better” than the other and that it’s not possible to literally go both ways and within a sexuality whose hallmark is having the ability and desire to go both ways.

End of the day, this is one of those things that, in a way, I do kinda understand… and don’t.  If a guy has gone both ways with another guy and has decided on which role best suits his needs, okay, that makes a lot of sense to me… but to decide on a role with zero experience makes me wonder how a guy can be so sure that his chosen role is gonna be the one that’ll best suit his needs and, by extension, why a guy would and can decide that once he picks his role, it can’t be changed or, at the least, interchanged with the other roles.

Life is full of examples of people making decisions that are not based on experience, like eating sushi, for example.  People think it’s just raw fish and, ew – not gonna like that, let alone eat it!  But sushi isn’t just raw fish and a lot of it isn’t even fish – it’s veggies and even if it is seafood, it’s seafood that has to be cooked before it can be served.  Ah, but some “sushi haters” get convinced to try a California roll and, what do you know?  That ain’t bad at all!  And, yeah, some take that leap of faith and give, say, a piece of sushi topped with tuna… and find it to be quite delicious when it’s not cooked.  And, oh, yeah, if you’re a sushi hater, I gotta mention that sushi isn’t about the fish or whatever – it’s about the rice.

Anyway, I wanted to get this off of my mind even as I continue to work on this “mystery” in the background.  I am very much aware that how guys today go about things M2M is very different from the way guys went about it in decades gone by; we learned what we liked/disliked by doing – the mechanism guys today use to determine their likes/dislikes is unknown or, at the least, uncorroborated and undocumented other than guys saying, “I know this is what I want to do with another guy…”

And maybe that’s all that’s needed here in the 21st century.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Why, why, why – again

Out of the blue and while looking at something that had nothing to do with sex and sexuality, an old conversation popped into my head and it still kinda surprises me because I know the stroke I had years ago left some blank spots in my memory.

Anyway, my brain tuned in to me talking with a guy who had just found out that his long-time girlfriend had a girlfriend (and not merely a girl friend, if you’re tracking). He was livid, clearly offended, and found it necessary to ask me why she would do such a thing… and more so when he was available to have sex if she wanted to.

My initial reply was along the lines of, “Did it ever occur to you that she wanted sex and in a way you’re incapable of providing?” and he looked at me as if I’d just stepped off a flying saucer so, no, it didn’t occur to him at all. I continued with asking him if he considered that maybe she asked herself if there was more to sex than what she’d already experienced and, again, his reaction said that he never considered such a preposterous notion.

“But why would she get with another woman?” he asked.

“Maybe she just wanted to; maybe she wanted a different experience than the usual stuff; maybe she’s wondered what it might be like and decided to find out and maybe, just maybe, she’s done this before and thought it’s what she needed again – how am I supposed to know? Did you ask her?”

Apparently, he didn’t and as evidenced by him telling me how he went off on her (verbally) about it and his insistence that she had no business going there.

“I’d say she didn’t or doesn’t agree with your assessment, dude,” I said. “And I’m guessing she never mentioned this because she knew you’d react as you did.”

“I don’t understand why,” he continued. “Doesn’t she know how much I love her?”

“Love doesn’t have anything to do with it,” I said. “Sometimes, it’s all about the sex and the different kind of intimacy. Sometimes, a woman wants to be brought to orgasm without some dude pounding away at her body or he’s not totally and wholly focused on pleasing her orally; maybe he’s really good at it but sometimes, a woman feels she need to experience it from a totally different source, as it were.”

“So she’s a lezzie?” he asked and I recall biting back a sense of being offended.

“No; I’d guess that she just enjoys that special intimacy that only women can bring to the table,” I offered.

“But we have sex all of the time!”

“So? I’m also guessing that if she wanted to eat pussy, I’m pretty sure you don’t have one,” I said.

“Doesn’t make sense that she’d want to munch a rug,” he said.

“You do it… so why would you assume that she wouldn’t want to?” I asked.

“That’s different!”

As I recalled, the conversation just went completely over his head; he just refused to accept or acknowledge that his woman needed something he couldn’t give her. I blinked to kinda clear my head after the memory faded away and it had me thinking that, indeed, a lot of people don’t understand bisexuality because it doesn’t make sense to them, even when you point out the many reasons why someone would choose to straddle the fence.

Sometimes they do and simply because it’s a different kind of intimacy; sometimes they do and simply because we’re prohibited from doing it like that and being a non-conformist fits their personality. Sometimes they do ask, “Is this all there is to having sex?” and, intelligently, they know there is more but it’s just a matter of daring to take the steps to finding the answer.

Why? Sometimes it really is as simple as because it can be done. It’s about being made to feel good, to perhaps experience orgasm in a way that conventional sex doesn’t always provide… or to experience orgasms as a real first for them. True enough, some folks give it a try and decide it wasn’t all that but I’ve wondered if this is because they went into it not expecting it to be good because we’ve been taught and otherwise made to believe that it’s not good and can’t possibly be good.

In other words, they’ve already convinced themselves they’re not gonna like it… so they don’t.

One can question the morality of any of this just as they can tell themselves that that we – civilized humans – should never want sex badly enough to trash the existing rules and to bring such shame onto themselves. And many do, in fact, say that morality be damned – I wanna have sex and if I need to cross some lines and break some rules to pursue as much satisfaction as I dare to chase, so be it.

And, sometimes, being “bad” can be a very good thing.

I know, from experience, that the why of it all isn’t easy to explain; it’s about the intimacy, that push to orgasmic release that we all either pursue… or run away from; sometimes it’s about bucking the system and just being different but there are so many intangibles that are involved that sometimes, the easiest explanation is, “Because it’s sex… and sometimes it trumps just having sex with yourself and provided you’re of a mind to even do that.”

Why? Sometimes the answer comes in the form of a question: “Why not?” and I’m fairly sure that many of you reading this could easily provide quite a few reasons toward why no one should ever think about, let alone pursue, this path of physical and, as a “byproduct”, emotional succor… it just because you wouldn’t do it never means that someone else would or can find reason to… and then there’s all those people who thought this way and got their minds changed, imparting the lesson that one should never say never.

I laughed to myself thinking about this old saw: “Well, I’ve never!” And one comeback to this is, “Well, maybe you should!” Nah, I’m not saying everyone should jump on the bandwagon and perfect that balancing act while straddling the fence… but if you ever wanted to know why some do, I’m the guy who will, at the very least, offer up some reasons as to why.

Time to get back to yet another restoration of a Minecraft ocean monument…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Perception

This week, I had a rash of spammers attempting to follow me on Tumblr which requires me to go in there and block them… even though my settings are supposedly set to not allow anyone to follow me without my approval.  Tumblr has changed some stuff and on top of the spammers who’d love for you to click on their provided links and get more spammed, Tumblr has added what I’d call unsolicited content and content that I don’t find interesting at all so that stuff has to be dealt with even though it appears to be a lost cause; I make some uninteresting stuff disappear and more and even greater uninteresting stuff takes its place.

Sheesh.

The porn and other sex-related stuff still crops up (ya can’t seem to make it go away and stay away either) and I’ll admit that I will peep a few things because it gives me a reason to start scribbling… and like I’m doing now.  A while back, I scribbled a piece about sex being only for the young and how you can see – or made to see – plenty of examples of this and especially in the world of M2M sex.  During my cleanup, a couple of things happened to catch my attention; one, just by looking at some of it, you have no idea whether the young studs being depicted are bisexual or gay – whether that’s a good or bad thing is still out for the jury to decide.  The other thing I noticed was a pattern that tends to make watching porn pedantic, predictable, and even a bit boring:

Two young and extremely fit studs with large cocks either spend an inordinate amount of time kissing or start out with one guy on his knees in the classic cock sucking position; maybe ass is being eaten – I read something on Medium about a month ago that suggested that eating ass is the new thing to do.  After any of these things are done, the scene flickers (and usually because of shoddy editing) and one guy is on his knees or his back and getting his butt hammered and with the usual exaggerated glee and complete with moaning and groaning that, if you hear it, you can tell isn’t quite real.  Sometimes the stuff seen involves multiple guys who seem to spend more time mugging for the camera than anything else.  Lots of eye rolling on my part but, again, the thing that stuck out to me (and, really, not for the first time) is the perception these things want to slap you in the face with, like, all M2M sex follows this exact same pattern and, indeed, there are a lot of guys who accept this as being the way M2M has to be undertaken which is either good for them or enough to make guys who are aching to play with a dick have second thoughts and stay on the side of the pool.

The perception:  All M2M sex happens this way.  The truth:  It really doesn’t.  A lot of bi guys would rather kiss their dog (if they have one) before they’d kiss another guy; not all guys are into cock sucking or sticking their face in someone’s ass and there’s still plenty of guys who’d piss themselves just thinking about someone sticking a finger in their ass, let alone a big, hard dick.  And I asked myself, “What’s the message being sent here?  And why are guys accepting this as being the truth of things?”

It seems to me that the only difference between straight and “gay” porn is the sex of the participants and I say this because you can watch straight porn and see shit like throat fucking, gagging, choking, getting bitch-slapped, double penetrated and the ever-present money shot that may or may not be a facial or the nauseating scene of someone with their mouth open and “eagerly” waiting for the guy to finish jerking off and shooting spunk into their mouth… and “gay” porn – and I put this in quotes because you really don’t know if the participants are actually gay – isn’t all that different and some of the differences are, in my opinion, silly, like guys still wearing socks and shoes/boots and wearing stylish jock straps – this one really fucks with my head and I know it’s just me but, uh, there’s nothing sexy about looking at a guy wearing a jock strap – but I guess this is the guy version of wearing sexy “underwear.”  I often find myself laughing to think, as a guy is peeling out of his pants or shorts, if guys who wear these as a matter of course ever worry about skid marks…

It’s disturbing to go to the forum and find guys writing about wanting to do the shit they see in M2M porn, like thinking that getting slapped in the face with a hand or a hard dick is exciting while they’re trying to suck cock…or getting gagged, choked or otherwise manhandled and the rougher the manhandling, the more they seem to not only like it but want it to happen to them.  One day the guys were talking about getting slapped around and quite a few guys said that was the ticket for them, you know, provided they could get up the nerve to even be in that position to begin with.  I’ve chimed in that the moment the other guy goes to slap me, I can guarantee that he’s gonna wake up in the emergency room with tubes and needles sticking out of his body.  I know I’m from the old days and the days where you didn’t slap or manhandle women during sex and you sure as hell didn’t do it to another guy unless you wanted to start a fight and in the porn back in those days, you rarely, if ever, saw shit like that.  Today?  Porn is full of such things and, again, the thing I find surprising isn’t that porn shows this – it’s that some men think this is the way it has to be done and a lot of men are willing to do these things and have it done to them.

In my opinion, this perception and the unspoken messages aren’t a good thing; it’s quite bothersome to see guys who’ve yet to take the plunge stating unequivocally that getting mugged during sex is their idea of fun and more so when many people find this behavior to be humiliating and demeaning… and I guess it’s all good if being humiliated and demeaned during sex is, indeed, one’s idea of a good roll in the hay.  I suppose that one good thing taken away from this is the number of guys who give this shit a try… and find out that it wasn’t as much fun as it appeared to be; having some dude shoving all of his big dick down your throat and holding your head in place until you can’t breathe and are at risk of aspirating an overabundance of saliva (or bile if their body is trying to vomit the obstruction away) might look like fun when it’s happening to someone else, not so much when such a thing has your body in survival mode.

It’s the reason when forum members ask if they should do the things they see in porn, I tell them that, sure, if you want… but why would you want to and right along with the caveat that while porn provides some great visuals, it should never be used a primer or how to guide for having sex with another man.  I can’t imagine a guy who’s never had anal sex developing a hankering to have two very large cocks in his ass and more so, as I said, a lot of guys couldn’t take a finger in the ass without howling as if they were being murdered.  I can’t imagine a guy who has never sucked cock deciding that being gagged by said cock is good and sexy fun and more so when some guys find that they want to toss their cookies trying to get a dick into their mouth.  I can’t imagine why a guy would want someone slapping him around during sex and more so when, in any other situation, getting slapped will result in some violence happening quick, fast, and in a hurry.

And I still can’t imagine why guys would watch M2M porn and believe that what they’re watching is the way it’s supposed to be done and, again, especially those guys with zero M2M experience.  Sure, M2M porn displays a lot of shit that even I wouldn’t do which, of course, doesn’t mean that someone else wouldn’t want to do it and I admit to not really understanding why.  Guys watch this shit and decide that the bigger the dick, the better the sex is right up to the moment where some guy sporting nine or ten thick inches is trying to ram every inch of it in their virgin butt hole – not as fun as you thought or saw, was it?  Guys watch this shit and think that having an overly endowed guy forcing them to eat every inch of his endowment is the ticket but, as I said, most of these guys haven’t even sucked a dick and don’t seem to understand that, um, it’s not as easy as it looks and deep throating a dick is a skill that has to be learned… and not everyone is able to learn it.

I can hear y’all asking yourself, “If KDaddy finds this bothersome, why does he even look at it?”  Good question and I look at it because it’s important to be aware of the perception being hammered into the minds of men and not that I find it thrilling and exciting; for me, it’s one of those things you make yourself watch so that you can understand what you’re looking at and more so when you know of other guys who are chomping at the bit to experience the exact same things that M2M portrays in its famously exaggerated way, like, again, the guy you wanna have sex with is young, extremely fit, ruggedly handsome, and sporting a telephone pole between his legs.  You’re always supposed to kiss, to suck cock and like the other guy’s dick is the greatest thing you’ve ever put into your mouth and, here of late, eating his ass – or getting yours eaten prior to penetration is par for the course.  You’re then expected and required to fairly get your hole beaten and battered unmercifully (and by multiple guys if that’s the situation you find yourself in) and then, after he pulls out, you sit there and wait for him to shoot his load in your face or at your mouth and as if his spunk is the food of the gods and you can’t live without it.

I look at these things and compare them to what guys are saying about it and, yes, I’m thinking that I wouldn’t do this or that or allow it to be done to me – but that’s me and not my bisexual brethren who seem to think that it’s better to accept the perception than to seek the truth of this.  I can see experienced guys who might be of a mind to take their M2M sex to next levels… but I still don’t pretend to understand why a guy with zero experience with another man would want to experience sex as seen in a lot of M2M porn.  The more guys talk about this, I more I learn and, to that end, it’s one of those things that doesn’t have to make sense to me but it’s important to understand what it is that makes sense to other guys.  I’ve chatted with guys who are looking to hook up and, once, a guy said he was looking for his first experience with a man and couldn’t wait for me to slap him around and otherwise manhandle him… and I left the conversation without saying a word one way or the other and, indeed, it was that particular conversation that got me thinking about the perception initially.  Down-the-road conversations with other guys revealed that the things they wanted to experience were the same things they’d been seeing in M2M porn and once I saw examples of what they were talking about, wow… really?

I don’t think that any guy into M2M or wanting to be into it should be buying into porn’s hype but it’s just my opinion…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Instant Gratification

Cityman hit me up just a few minutes ago and shared a profile he came across that, when read, oh, dear, was so exacting and precise about what the author wanted that my eyes rolled so hard they hurt for a moment.  I read the profile, read what Cityman had to say about it, and my first response was, “I want what I want and the way I want it!”  Indeed, one of the things I often sit and think about these days is how complicated people make things compared to the relative ease of days gone by when it came to getting laid or, if settling down with someone was more your cup of tea and a primary goal in your life, having a relationship that not only included sex but could lead to something more lasting.

In my opinion, people today seem to be more worried about what they want than what they’re able to work with and if you’re into checking out the various sites that exist for the purposes of sex and relationships, you can see a gazillion examples of what I’m talking about.  Now, I don’t say that a person doesn’t have a right to want what they want and the way they want it… I do, however, say that there’s a good chance that if you’re putting yourself out there to get what you want and the way you want it, ya might not get it because the person you’re saying that would be “perfect” for you probably doesn’t exist.

Except in that space between one’s ears.  In the bi guy world, I see on a daily basis guys writing about the perfect dude they want to get busy with… and they’re also the guys who also write about not being able to find someone to get busy with and in the way they want to do this.  Cityman occasionally shows me other profiles written by both men and women with requirements that set the bar so high that it’s no wonder they’re still on the various sites looking for someone because there’s not a person on the planet that can meet and/or exceed the profile author’s demands and requirements… or that person hasn’t been born yet… or the chances that such an amazing person is a member of one of the many sites and will actually see such a profile are fairly astronomical.

And these folks who write such profiles sit around and wonder why they can’t find someone and for whatever purpose they’re asking for?  I’m not surprised because while “I want what I want and the way I want it” is a fine statement of personal purpose, because such a statement lacks flexibility and doesn’t take into account that people change, not just over a given period of time but literally from one moment to the next… and then I guess they expect that person to always be what they wanted, you know, as if people are truly static.  It’s unrealistic and while it is true that there’s someone out there for everyone, when you write down a lot of very exacting criteria, you’re gonna eliminate a whole lot of people who could, if you were willing to work at it, give you what you want and the way you want it.

Again, it’s okay to think about that one person you’d give yourself to mind, body, and/or soul; what would they look like, what qualities would they have that would make you all warm and fuzzy as well as willing and able to get your freak on comfortably.  Is it okay to take that imaginary person and try to breathe life into them?  Maybe… if you actually manage to run across that person but given that it’s unlikely that’s gonna happen, doesn’t it make sense to create a set of flexible criteria that sets the bar at a reasonable level so that someone can, at the least, get close to meeting them?

You’d think that would make better sense but these days you see more and more people putting up some pretty exacting specifications and conditions and in the world of bi guys, I often wonder if they do this in order not to do what they say they want to do.  A lot of guys want a guy whose prime feature is a really big dick and lord knows there are a whole lot of guys with dicks literally down to their knees… and if you asked them if a guy who’s cock is around average size would work for them, eh, they might say yes… but you can see in their words that an average sized cock doesn’t match the specifications they’ve set in their head.  Many of these same guys are adamant about a certain level of “being into” as well so that they can avoid the dreaded hookup when (I guess) the truth they don’t wanna face is that the majority of men looking to throw it down aren’t in the least bit interested in being into a guy, um, except literally be into them if you catch my drift.

Instant gratification, while sounding like a good thing to pursue, doesn’t always work the way it’s thought to work… or expected to work.  I will keep saying this for as long as I can draw breath – or work the keyboard – that if you’re not thinking about the person you can work with to take care of your wants and desires, you’re gonna find yourself all by yourself and not getting what you want.  I know that as a bisexual man, the “perfect” man I can create in my head, in all likelihood, doesn’t exist and, realistically, it’s not as if I’m going to take the time and put forth the effort to search the entire fucking world looking for this most perfect guy; sure, the Internet has made the world a smaller place by connecting everyone electronically…. but the world is still a pretty big fucking place.  Now, if I had chosen to hold out for that “perfect” person, um, chances are damned good that I would have never gotten laid, would have never been in a relationship of any kind… and the people who hold true to instant gratification are finding out that this is the fate they’ve set for themselves and I will always wonder why people set themselves up to fail and, importantly, why they feel that depriving themselves of human interaction is a smart – and healthy – thing to do.

The thing that makes instant gratification utterly fail is, again, not taking into consideration that no one is perfect or even close to being perfect; even better, we’re not as consistent as we think we want and/or need to be.  Our thoughts and feelings change and in slices of time that, often, we aren’t always aware of and our day to day stuff can affect or otherwise alter our thoughts and feelings.  Now, if you’re aware of how all of this can affect you, I’m sure you can imagine how these same things can affect someone else and, if so, does it really make sense to go on the hunt for someone and lay down a set of criteria that probably cannot be met? Or a person could meet those criteria at a particular moment in time… then fail to meet them – and literally – seconds later and if not them, over any period of time you care to think of.  The guy today who says that his ideal guy has to have eight or more inches of dick, be into him and willing to, at the least, be a FWB might find out the next day that instant gratification has failed them (again) because Mr. Perfect, you know, being human and all that, has failed to meet those expectations.

And I just don’t pretend to understand why people behave like this when it doesn’t make sense to pin all your hopes and dreams on a human being that may or may not exist or you’ll never come in contact with in your lifetime.  “I want what I want and the way I want it,” to me, is a sure way to set yourself up to fail or, as I often suspect again, to make sure that whatever it is you want someone else for – sex and/or a relationship of some kind – ain’t ever gonna happen.  I see so many examples of people talking about what they want in another person… and not so much about what person they can work with.  Indeed, women talk a lot about settling and as if that’s such a horrible thing to do… but they also find out that holding out for the guy or even gal they want to be with causes them to overlook everyone they could be with, you know, if they were willing to put in the work that’s required and that, my friends, seems to be the gist of this whole instant gratification thing:  People want all of the perks but don’t want to do any of the real work required.

I went back and re-read the profile that Cityman shared with me and I thought, “Hmph – this person is going to be one really lonely ass…” because anyone reading it would, in all likelihood, tell that person to get over themselves for having the utter gall to lay down what reads as some pretty arrogant requirements that someone has to meet to get with them in any imaginable way.  And I will say to anyone reading this that if you’re sitting and wondering why you’re alone or not having the sex you want, or ya don’t have someone who’s gonna be in your life longer than a couple of weeks, you might want to take a close look at how high you’ve set the bar and the complexity of the conditions you’ve set for acquiring love, sex, and relationships.  I say to you that, sure, you have the right to want what you want and the way you want it… but I ask you is it realistic and achievable?  Are you, in fact, doing the best thing for yourself by invoking instant gratification and sticking to your right to want what you want and in the way you want it?

This isn’t just a bisexual thing – people, regardless of sexual orientation, seem to behave like this and, indeed, a lot of people find themselves unsexed and lonely because they don’t meet someone else’s very exacting requirements and no one would ever give them a shot because it’s all about what they want… and not even close to what they’re willing and able to work with.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: You Can’t Have It Both Ways

One of the things in the world of M2M that makes me scratch my head a lot goes a little something like this:

A guy finds that it is one hell of a rush to go to places with glory holes and spend some time sucking every cock that protrudes through the hole and, in turn, sticking his own cock through the hole and getting it worked over. He says that the rush of doing this is incredible and more so when he knows there’s a chance that he could be seen at such places and that could raise questions that, um, he might not want to answer.

In and of itself, hmm, that’s not really all that unusual in my opinion. Back in the day, it was not only one hell of a rush to be doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing, but the niggling though residing in the back of everyone’s mind was the risk of getting caught doing it and, yeah, by someone who’d take you to task for it.

What makes me scratch my head isn’t that there are guys who live for this particular rush… it’s the guys who also say that they’d like to lower their risks when they do this and, honestly, you can’t have it both ways. Common sense would suggest that if, in this scenario, you want to minimize the risk of getting caught, um, don’t do anything you don’t wanna get caught doing. There’s a reason why one of the big buzzwords in M2M is discretion or, “I won’t tell if you won’t!” but along these lines is also being able to go somewhere and do your thing and no one knows you were ever there; that way, you don’t risk having someone asking you why they saw your car in an area that you’re not known to frequent.

It just amazes me at how many guys want to do risky things but without accepting the inherent risks involved; it reminds me of the saying that everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die to get there. If frequenting glory holes, which is considered to be a form of having sex in public, is the thing that gives you the greatest pleasures, fine and dandy… but whenever you visit one – and, for the sake of this discussion – one you can’t walk to, you run the risk of having your car spotted in the area and you run the risk of someone asking, “Hey, did I see your car over by that adult bookstore the other day?”

Sure, there are a lot of cars that look just like yours but as these things tend to happen, the person seeing your car knows it’s your car and, yeah, it sucks to be you if you happen to have a unique car or your car has a vanity tag that’s known to be on your car. If that’s not bad enough, you just never know when someone you know might be in the area… or someone who knows of you (but you don’t know them) could be passing through. Hell, you could have just spent a couple of hours sucking cock and being sucked, come “sneaking” out of the place, and not even be aware that there were two people on the bus that went by who knows you when they see you.

Now, if it’s known that you go to such places, it’s probably not a problem… but if it’s not your MO, yup, questions could be asked and the risk of getting outed is pretty good and more so when you’re trying to fib your way out of things and the person asking knows you’re not being truthful about the reason why you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

So how does a guy lower his risk of discovery? Let me tell you a kinda short story…

When I was in tech school, every Friday at the end of our duty day, we’d get a safety briefing, like keeping an eye out for flying garbage cans, not walking off of roofs, stepping in front of Mack trucks (and lots of other silly and improbable things)… and we were always and seriously reminded that it ain’t illegal until you get caught – so don’t get caught. This always sticks in my mind every time I see or hear of a guy saying that he wants to suck cock like it’s illegal… but he doesn’t want to get caught doing it (or asked about it). Again, if you don’t want to find yourself answering questions about why you were seen at such-and-such a place that you’re not known to frequent or have a reason to be there (other than having a ball sucking dick), um, don’t frequent such places.

Because you never really know who might see you and they could be just nosy enough to ask you why you were there. It is said that without risk, there is no reward; it stands to reason that if one wants the reward, sure, one must take whatever risks are required but it’s also about accepting the risks and then being prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. It’s my thought that it is highly unrealistic to think and/or believe that you can run around like a cock sucking fiend and do it without any risk of someone coming to you and asking you a question you probably aren’t of a mind to answer truthfully.