Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 26 May 22

I guess it was, oh, a couple of years ago when I was in the living room, probably playing a game on my Xbox, when I thought I heard a sound close to the patio door; it was loud enough that I got up to peek through the “blinds” to see what was up. I started to turn on the patio light but decided not to; it would light up the patio but not much beyond that and the light reflecting off the patio doors would turn them into a mirror – so, no light.

I peeked through the blinds and saw two figures by the tree that’s out back, dressed in dark clothing and, yep – they have my attention. Why are they out there? What are they up to? Well, I got the answer a few seconds later as one guy leaned against the tree while the other guy knelt down, pulled the leaner’s dick out, and started going to town on it. I’ll admit having watched this for a couple of minutes and idly noting (1) the length of the leaner’s dick and (2) the techniques the kneeler was employing and even gave him a couple of Brownie points for being able to repeatedly take the leaner’s dick all the way down.

The kneeler was obviously in a hurry; the leaner was looking around for anyone who might spot and catch them; he would glance down every now and then to watch what the kneeler was doing and with the “obligatory” one hand on the kneeler’s head. Since the two of them weren’t a threat to break into the apartment, I was about to turn away and let them finish their business in peace when I actually heard the leaner say, “Shit! Shit!” and a moment later, his body was moving in a way that told me that he was cumming in the kneeler’s mouth, who was siphoning off every drop.

I thought that they were going to switch places but, no; the leaner stuffed his dick back into his pants and the kneeler was still kneeling but appeared to be jerking himself off – and may have been doing so all the while because I heard him grunt and, a moment later, he stood up, stuffed his dick back in his pants as well. The two of the were looking around to make sure there, ah, act of public lewdness went unobserved and called themselves sneaking away and had me kinda laughing because they were making enough noise to get someone’s attention.

One of the things I say about sucking dick is that it can be done almost anywhere… and these two guys proved this and in what I would call a “time-honored way;” anywhere you can go where you think – and hope – that you won’t be seen is a good place… although, given some of the porn clips I can often see on Twitter, I guess some of those horny motherfuckers don’t much care if anyone sees them doing this given the many wide-open locations and doing it on buses and subways and it’s obvious there are other people.

Some pretty bold shit. I can actually understand the rush of it; you don’t want to get caught in the act but if you’re “out in the open,” yeah, there’s a chance that you could be seen as well as someone seeing you – but you can’t see them – and they call the cops. Indeed, in the younger days, it wasn’t unusual to be walking with a friend and, man, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked… and the two of us would duck into one of the many alleyways and dicks would get sucked and, in a hurry, too.

It was exciting enough to suck a guy’s dick but the mere thought of getting caught doing it was a rush that I know I enjoyed but not all guys were that… adventurous. Even with the many abandoned apartment buildings we would use as “clubhouses” and dens of youthful debauchery, there was always a chance of getting caught; you never knew who else might be in the place or if some of the other guys would arrive to do their dirt or some other situation.

I remember being on a road trip with a friend and his family and we had the backseat of the car all to ourselves. On the way back, it was quite late and dark outside when my friend leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I’m gonna suck your cock, okay?” And before I could offer up a single word, he had me out and was sucking on me and I was thinking, “Oh shit!” because all his dad had to do was look in the rearview mirror and notice there was only one head to be seen or his mom could turn around and see what was going on. I almost shit myself because she did turn around, saw him with his head in my lap, and said, “Oh… he must be pretty tired, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am, I guess so,” I said – and he had the sense to stop what he was doing to play his part in the illusion. He got me off and, honestly, I don’t know how his parents didn’t suspect that something… untoward was going on in the backseat because I was thinking that they had to smell the scent of sex… because I could and I’m cumming and trying to remain quiet and make my body be still.

My friend sat up and acted like he’d just woke up and asked his dad, “Are we home yet?”

Man, the balls some guys had on them! I was “bold and daring” but not to this extent but later, when we got back to his home and I accepted their invitation to stay the night – and I got to have my way with him – I had to admit that what he’d done in the backseat was… scarily exciting.

I’m a member of the Mile High Club and I very much remember being on pins and needles as a guy blew me in the lavatory; I was pretty paranoid thinking that none of the other passengers and cabin crew really missed two guys trying to look casual heading for the lavatory but there wasn’t one of us waiting outside to use it. And, yes, I’ve done that with women, too; on one late-night flight home, the woman sitting next to me gave me one hell of a blowjob and we never left our seats.

Anywhere, anytime.

You might wonder – and you probably really wouldn’t – why anyone would take such risks and all I can say about that is, again, it is one hell of a rush to be sucking dick or fucking and there’s a good chance you can get busted. Common sense says that if that’s what you want to do, wait until you can be somewhere that affords a lot of privacy… and common sense doesn’t have much to do with things sometimes. I can’t count the number of times I’ve spent the night/weekend with a guy and we’re in his room and going for it big time and with the sure knowledge and understanding that someone could barge into the room at any moment and catch us in flagrante delicto and also understanding that the punishments would be severe and, back in the day, handed out twice: Once by the adult who caught us and then being taken home, ratted out, and beaten again.

Yet, it would still happen. I think back to those days and, Christ Almighty… we were some insane motherfuckers, but I would learn that me and the Band of Horny Brothers weren’t the only such “band” around; if you could find or steal five or ten minutes, any old place could serve to get dicks hard and make them soft again.

I remember taking the trash to the dumpster on bright and sunny day and upon approaching the dumpster, I heard some noise coming from behind the dumpster, which is surrounded by a wooden fence on three sides. I take a look – carefully – and, okay; there’s two guys back there and one guy is fucking the other. They both looked at me, gave me the up-nod greeting, and the guy doing the fucking said, “You know how it is, right?” And kept right on fucking the other guy.

I just nodded, put the trash in the dumpster, and went on about my business… because I do know how it is. One of the bugaboos today is… hosting and not being able to. Hotels/motels aren’t that expensive, but it almost doesn’t make sense to plunk down the price of a room for a night when you’re not going to be there that long – usually – and in the area I live in, I honestly don’t know if there’s any hotels/motels around and even if there was, you still gotta be able to get there and if no one has a car, well, I would guess that trying to walk to one is out of the question and more so when you want to do whatever right now and putting it off, while the sensible and smart thing to do, is just out of the question.

Cityman sent me a clip of a bunch of guys in a men’s room who were pretty much having an orgy in there… and I had that look on my face trying to figure out how the hell those guys were getting away with this and someone not coming in there and seeing them. I thought that, okay, some men’s rooms have doors that can be locked but, um, I would think that somewhere along the line, some guy would have to hit the men’s room, find the door locked, and get to knocking on it and maybe think that the door got accidentally locked and they’d let someone know that the door is locked and no one was answering it when knocked on.

“I’m bold but I’m not that bold,” I had said to Cityman and he had agreed that this is a level of boldness and daring that is just crazy… but I reminded him that one of the highlights of sucking dick is being able to do it almost anywhere.

I know, back again in the early days, that if me and some guy were getting it on and we heard the tiniest of sounds close to us, whatever we were doing would come to a screeching halt because, again, the last thing you wanted to happen was to be having sex… and with another guy. There’s a sense of great paranoia that can be felt; I know in my own head, I would be thinking that we shouldn’t be doing it [wherever we happened to be] but, at the same time, yes – I wanted to be doing whatever we were doing and understanding that trying to get somewhere that afforded a lot more privacy and greatly lessened the chance of getting caught, well, that’s not what happened.

I remain both surprised and fortunate that I’ve only been caught in the act having sex with a guy once… and that was enough.

When needs must and there’s nowhere “safe” to go, any old place will do. I would say that, ideally and when dicks are to be sucked, being able to take all the time you want to do get it done just works and especially if there’s no chance of being caught in flagrante delicto or trying to act like nothing “funny” was going on but in this situation, time definitely isn’t your friend and some of the fastest – and best – blowjobs I’ve ever given and gotten have come in places where the risk of getting caught was great because no hiding place is really safe from observation or intrusion.

What I would often notice is how people could actually see something going on… and just keep on moving and like they didn’t see it. Sure, someone could see something happening and drop a dime to the cops about it but, I think, in many such places, by the time the cops arrived, there would be nothing for them to see and no one to arrest. I mean, I’ve done just that myself but, yeah, having been in that situation more times than I care to admit to, I get it and, like I said, reporting it wouldn’t do any good.

You see it happening, shake your head, and keep going on about your business. Whatever those dudes are doing has nothing to do with you. In the teen years, I accidently caught two guys going at it… and they invited me to join them… and I did because, why the hell not? The area was kinda secluded but still “out in the open” and, um, one guy was fucking me while the other sucked my dick and it was amazingly good… but in the back of my mind, Paranoia was running wild in there. The three of us had the time to sandwich each other and, again, it was so good but as we started to go on our separate ways, the one guy said, “I’m surprised we didn’t get caught!”

I remember sharing this with Cityman and all he said, “You are one nasty critter!”

Well, yeah, I am. I remember clearly that once the three of us walked way, I was thinking about how fucking crazy that was; Common Sense was chastising me big time, reminding me that I knew better than to take such a risk and what I should have done when I stumbled across those guys was to just keep on walking but, nah, that’s not what I did and I should have been ashamed of myself and for various reasons.

The cold and logical part of my mind said, “Yeah, you’re right… but that’s not what we did, and the sex was very damned good so go on somewhere with that polite shit!” Although, that part of my mind did mention that it was a pretty dumb thing to do just the same.

I would say that while a lot of blowjobs are planned and with a lot of care, a whole lot more of them are spontaneous. I’ve been in the company of guys or, sometimes, in the right place at the right time and a guy would say, “If we weren’t here, we could do something!” and I’ve looked around and said, “We still could.” Or I’ve been of a mind that, yes, I’d love to blow you a few times if we could go somewhere private and the other guy says that right here (or close enough for government work) would be just fine and dandy – why wait when you can do it right now? Common Sense says to not go through with anything but, yeah, sometimes, when it comes to giving and getting some head, a gag order gets issued on Common Sense and, besides, in most of such situations, it’s not going to take a whole lot of time to do it.

But it sure as fuck can seem like it’s taking forever. I have no shame in admitting that in those situations, guys (and a few gals) have sucked me off in less than five minutes… but those five minutes felt like a half an hour; I’ve gotten guys off as fast as under a minute but have felt that, again, it took a lot longer than that. When it was fucking, that always seemed to take a hell of a lot longer than it actually did – and provided that nuts didn’t get busted before the dick got fully in there and sometimes that was what happened; even though only a few seconds actually passed, it didn’t feel that way.

Then you meander out of the erstwhile “hiding place” and acting like nothing happened… but having the feeling that if anyone saw you walking away, they knew what you just got finished doing. Paranoia would be having a serious meltdown and Common Sense would be having one as well, but it was always like, well, we did it and didn’t get caught so what’s the problem?

Anywhere. Anytime. You just have to have a huge set of brass balls to give/get head in places that such things shouldn’t be happening. I remember my cross-country bus ride from Utah to Philadelphia and the guy I was hanging with… and we were having sex in the back of a crowded bus and like we were the only ones on the bus… and we were totally ignored, well, until a couple of women figured out what we were up to and wanted to join in the fun. Shit, I still remember the look the bus driver gave me when we stopped for a break; he knew what had been going on back there and, for a moment, I thought he was going to throw me off the bus but he didn’t; he did, however, give me a chiding look that said that I should know better.

And he was right – I did know better but, well, um. When my “road partner” said that he wanted to suck my dick, I should have said no… but that’s not what I said despite knowing that any of the other passengers could complain and both of us could wind up either stranded or, yeah, explaining to the nice policemen why we were in public on a bus and having sex with each other.

I can think of many times where I’d be with a friend – male or female – and the offering of sex was on the table and in a place that, well, it shouldn’t be happening. I’ve asked, “What if we get caught?” and be told a version of, “If we get caught, we get caught – do you wanna do it or not?” The bad part for me was that, say, nine out of ten times, I most certainly wanted to do it and it would get done and while Paranoia and Common Sense would be melting down like ice on a hot stove, I would find that I felt no shame over it. None. But that was because I had learned, early on, that I had to deal with the consequences of my actions and if the consequence was getting caught in the act, well, shit happens, and it would have to be dealt with one way or the other.

Was it worth it? Yes. Was it a dumb thing to do? Yes. In such situations, there’s a rush and thrill in it that is… incredibly scary but lends itself to a greater sense of satisfaction, plus that “smug” thing that can join the party because you just had sex somewhere (and with someone) you had no business having sex… and you got away with it. Maybe someone would suspect what was going on, but you can suspect all you want to… but can you prove it? And I’ll plead the Fifth every time and insist that I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Now, I’m not likely to do some shit like that today, well, I like to believe that I wouldn’t but, yeah, that sense of adventure really hasn’t gone anywhere. I recognize it in myself so when I see others being that adventurous, yeah, I do know what it’s like and that sometimes, the only place you can do it can be anywhere that sex, politely, shouldn’t be done. I would think that, at least for guys, having that sense of… immediacy made sense because finding yourself with a case of blue balls is something you’d not wish on your worst enemy and taking care of it now is way better than waiting to take care of it later.

Outside of that, um, some folks are just that bold. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if we were to do it right here and now and somebody might catch us? It sure would be! Again, Common Sense gets to poking you and yelling at you to not do anything now; go somewhere that’s private and less risky; Paranoia is waking up and having a fit, but the Thrill Seeker is saying, “Go for it and we’ll worry about it if we get caught!”

Getting caught is… embarrassing. Oh, I remember being in the bathroom and jerking off – and just for the fun of it – and getting done with that and leaving the bathroom and my mom said, “If you’re gonna do that, do it in your room – and stop using up all the damned toilet paper!”

I didn’t exactly get caught doing it, but she knew what I was in there doing other than actually going to the bathroom and it was quite embarrassing and me acting like I had no idea what she was talking about, well, I knew not to do that and the only thing I could do was be embarrassed and look contrite but, yeah, while I was happily beating my meat? I knew I could get caught doing it; my mom had no qualms about barging into the bathroom and for whatever reason she felt she had to and that was… quite the rush and one that made busting a nut even more pleasurable.

It’s a pretty insane thing to do and I wish that I had a rock-solid explanation for it, but I don’t. Needs always must and sometimes they must right now. You could wait until a more private setting can be found and still do it… but it wouldn’t be the same as doing it right here, right now. I’ve always known about the rush and thrill of getting caught having sex in places that, again, sex should not ever be done, oh, like the time a woman blew me while I was at a concert… and there were a whole lot of people right there as she did it. And those who didn’t choose to watch her get me off… ignored it. It was… delightfully scary and that’s hard to explain unless, of course, you, too, happen to know what I’m talking about.

It defies common sense. You do, in fact, know better and you know that you could get arrested for it if the cops happen to catch you at it… and you do it anyway. I got to understand early on that I could literally have sex anywhere and at any time as long as there was x-amount of time available to not be discovered in some way, like, yeah, you haven’t lived until you’re having sex with someone… and somebody’s looking for you and you know that they are because you’re close enough to hear them asking other people if they’ve seen you. When it was sucking dicks, you just needed a few scant minutes to get the quickie in and that time dilation thing, well, that’s some weird shit all by itself.

Hey, let’s duck in here so I can suck your dick and, hopefully, no one will see us doing it. Um, no, we shouldn’t do that but, fuck it – why not? Well, “why not” is because you could get into a world of trouble if ya get caught but until you do… why not? I “caught” those guys out back and sneaking in a blowjob and probably because they had no other place they could do it. Same with the guys behind the dumpster; I’m sure they would have preferred to be on a bed in a room that gave them some privacy… but that’s not how it went down and it did in the only way it could… and it had to.

What a rush.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 24 May 22

In the wee hours of this morning, I had the “weirdest” thoughts about guys and anal sex and, in particular, guys who want to bottom… and haven’t gotten to it yet and why they might not have (and other than what they might say to this).

Earlier, Cityman had sent me a porn clip of a guy just wailing away on a woman who was all “pretzelized” and, looking at her face, she was not having fun being hammered. While we were discussing the pros and cons we took away from the clip, I got to wondering if some guys are afraid to be fucked… because they know what they do when they slide their prick into a woman and especially if she’s not liking how it’s going.

Sigh. This is like the “holy grail” of M2M sex and, well, yeah, we know what’s said about it and those who aren’t fans of this wonder why a guy would want to fuck someone in the ass and why someone would want to. Of course, the first and obvious thing is that among men, um, other than mouths, that doesn’t leave any other place for this to take place and who doesn’t know about it hurting like nothing you’ve ever felt before? That, all by itself, is enough to make guys clench their butt cheeks tighter than white on rice but, yeah, is some of the resistance to being fucked due to guys knowing what they do to women… and now it’s their turn?

A lot of guys who get boned often speak to how… girly and bitchy it feels. That’s a… mental thing; our brain takes this… input and relates it to what we know – screwing women and they’re the only ones who can and should be screwed but, yeah, there you are, all lubed up, and waiting in anticipation for the moment when homey’s lubed-up knob knocks on your back door and demanding entrance and just goes right on in and, whew, holy shit, wow, um, wait, wait – give me a moment or if that moment is really unbearable, take it out! If you make it past that part and manage to get adjusted, well, you’re going to be fucked and “just like” you fucked the last woman you fucked… and that girly, bitchy feeling can wash over you in either an ugly or very delightful way, depending on where your head really is about what’s being done to you.

I know that I’ve felt that way and it’s… disturbing and “conflicting” because my mind knows that I’m a guy; yet I’m being screwed like a girl would be and, to “make it worse,” I wanted to be screwed. I always go back to that very (and literal) seminal moment when a guy was unloading his balls into me and I thought, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” I still don’t know where that thought came from other than it was in my head somewhere and decided to make itself known at the right or wrong time – and depending how I’m feeling about that moment.

I knew some guys who wanted to be screwed but decided not to go through it… because, as they shared, they knew what they did to women and they really didn’t want to find out what it’s like to be fucked so, if nothing else, it was a fantasy that they had no desire to realize. I couldn’t say that I blamed them for thinking this way but as I say a whole lot, when you have sex with a man, you get to learn some of the same things women do, from what they like and what they can’t stand or not gonna put up with.

It can make one feel so… vulnerable and for many, that’s not a good feeling and more so when you find yourself at his “mercy” when his dick is in you and being able to shake this rather scary feeling isn’t easy to do… and you very much get an idea what a woman might be feeling in those moments. I found that being screwed changed the way I screwed women because, yep, I found what I liked about it and what would make me want to punch homey dead in the balls and as hard as I could manage to do so.

In the early going, I was of a mind that a lot of the big-dicked guys who’d fuck me were doing so because a woman didn’t want to be bothered with homey wreaking havoc on her cervix and just hammering away inside of her like he’s lost his fucking mind. I also was of a mind that they refused to be fucked and not just because it was an affront to their masculinity but because they didn’t want some dude doing to them what they’d done to women – and what turned women off about them.

Paybacks are a bitch… and revenge is a motherfucker. Perhaps for some guys who are considering being fucked but, um, let’s not and say we did, they know that karma is about to pay them a visit and give them a serious taste of the same medicine.

It’s all “fun and games” until you feel his knob shoving those muscles aside and once he gains entrance, unless you stop him, you know how this is going to end and the “funny” part is that you knew this before things even got to this point and moment. You wanted to know what it was like… and now you know and maybe you’re one and done with this but if you’ve learned nothing from this, you’ve learned what it can feel like to women to be fucked and inseminated.

So many horror stories that leaves being dicked down a fantasy for some guys. Yeah, yeah, it can hurt going in but is that the only reason why for them, this act remains in the realm of fantasy because they know what they do when they fuck a woman… and now, some guy wants to do the same thing to them? Maybe. I know guys toss out the disease card on this one and while it’s a reality if it’s done in the raw, that can be eliminated easily enough. Is it going to hurt? You bet your ass it will; you can find out the tips and tricks other guys use to “get past” that moment but that’s theory… until, well, you know.

Maybe karma is a pissed-off bitch and guys “know” this so if a guy is asking about fucking them, the answer is a hard no. I can’t say that I know this for a fact but y’all should know by now how my mind tends to work and some of the “weird” shit it tends to slide into my conscious thinking.

I remember talking to Cityman about this and him putting this out for discussion: What does a bottom get out of being fucked? One of the things I told him was that the trick of being fucked in the ass is being able to find the pleasure in it and not assume that it’s just going to be there… and if he really wanted to know, there’s only one way to find out. I also, um, strongly suggested that he gets fucked so that he can understand how the makes the other guy feel when he’s sliding all of his dick in the guy’s ass.

Which he eventually did and the thing that bothered him more than the pain and discomfort of having a big dick in his ass was the fact that he felt like “a little bitch” and he even admitted to acting like one while trying to adjust to things. I now wonder – and I’ll ask him later – if he had the bitchy feeling in mind before the fact or did it slammed into him “out of nowhere;” his answer might be interesting and could speak to an underlying reason why he was very leery about it.

Another sigh. I get to see the guys with virgin assholes go on and on about having their first time with this and especially the preference for a big dick; they’ll also go on and on about why they haven’t taken this particular plunge and lose their cherry… and the asshole that lives in my head just got to wondering if it’s possible that they still have their cherry… because they are all too aware of how they’ve gone about fucking women and getting feedback that, well, might not give a guy the five-star review he might want to get… and karma will show up to exact some revenge .

Hmm.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 29 April 22

Woke up with my mind already in the gutter; thoughts were roiling through my sleep-addled state like I’d walked into the middle of a movie… but it wasn’t like even in this state I didn’t know what the movie was about.

I don’t remember having any salacious dreams that I could blame this… unauthorized trip to the gutter but I was remembering a conversation with a guy I first met online and him asking me what I expected of him when we met to suck each other off… and me being reminded of how… literal-minded I can be at times because I had answered him, “Uh, I expect you to suck my dick; was there something else we need to talk about?”

I’m staring in the mirror and cleaning the sleep out of my eyes and I’m frowning over giving him such an answer and more so when I understood – all late and wrong – that he wanted to have a little phone sex prior to our meeting in an hour. I was too busy dealing with the famous Listerine tingle in my mouth to remember if I entertained him in this but I’m sure that I may not have because phone sex, to me, is “counterproductive” since instead of talking about what we can do to each other, let’s just do it.

I’m panting like a dog in heat trying to “cool” my tongue off after spitting out the Listerine and if I wasn’t awake before, I am now. That tingle is no joke. My brain reengages and drops me off at the part of the conversation when he was asking me if there was a particular or specific way I wanted to be sucked and one part of me understood the question but another part of me didn’t and “chastised” the part that did understand because, okay, look: If you’re going to blow me, you’re going to do it the way you know how to suck dick and with making adjustments as necessary. There’s technique, of course, but that’s something everyone who sucks dick winds up developing and maybe even mastering and, well, I didn’t see the sense of his question and more so when that literal part of my mind suggested that if I were to have… specifications for how I wanted my dick sucked, no one would want to do that to and for me and if a guy laid such specifications on me, nope – he might get his dick sucked but I won’t be doing it.

I asked the part of my mind that was supposed to be restricting entry into the gutter at this point in my day (and totally failed to do that), “Where are you going with this?” while trying not to get soap in my eyes as I washed my face. As an aside, I’m also still trying to decide if I really like the Dove soap for men that smells like sage; it’s supposed to be a manly scent but when I smell sage, I think turkey and stuffing. Anyway, I meet with the guy after a brief discussion about why I thought we should split the cost of the hotel room and him making a case for why he should cover the whole cost. The room is nice and in a nice hotel… and I remembered having a thought that at least neither one of us would have to worry about a roach crawling on us had he selected a no-tell motel. Now, I’d never had that happen but I’d heard stories…

If I had to describe “Hank,” he was middle-aged and unassuming, the kind of guy that if you saw him, you’d forget that you did because there was nothing about him that would stand out in your mind. He was just an everyday and average kind of guy. Perhaps a few pounds heavier than he wanted to be and he was very nervous. This wasn’t his first rodeo but, okay, I understood his nervousness because I was as well – I just did a better job of hiding it than he was doing. He had a nice smile that reflected in his eyes and I had noticed that as we stood in the nicely appointed room and very much in that awkward “pregnant pause” moment and waiting for someone to do… something other than just stand there.

He’s nattering his thanks (again) for agreeing to meet with him and I deemed that he was genuinely expressing himself but while he’s doing that, I’m debating with myself to either undress first or be “bold” and undress him… and decided to strip him bare because, well, why not? Hank got this… surprised look on his face as I stepped closer to him and started going after the buttons on his shirt. He appeared to be shocked and fixed in place as I efficiently stripped him down to his birthday suit and neatly folding his clothes as I did so to place them on one of the side chairs. I’m sure he’d never had anyone do this to him before and, well, he was… cute. Blushing deeply red. His dick hard and standing proudly and waiting to be saluted. Good.

He muttered something that I didn’t pay any attention to as I started undressing. I’m deliberately not looking at him; I remembered the last guy I looked at while I was getting undressed and how he said my very intense gaze unnerved him and made him feel afraid. Not my intent, of course but, yeah, given what I was thinking about doing to his dick, he was right to be afraid. But, nope – not looking at Hank but I can feel his eyes on me. I hear him mutter, “Damn…” and I’m not sure why he did. I finally finish undressing and setting my clothes aside and turn to look at him.

If I had shouted, “Boo!” Hank might have jumped out of his skin. His whole body is flushed so red that he looked like he’d gotten a sunburn and I’m momentarily concerned because he was still rooted in place so I kinda wave to him and said, “Come on over here…” He takes three steps toward me and I uncharacteristically reach out and hug him. I think this, too, surprised him because it took a good second before he wrapped his arms around me and returned the hug.

I’m puttering around in the kitchen and my mind is deep into this guttery moment. I suspected that Hank was intimidated and the hug was “designed” to put him at ease; I’d whispered in his ear, “I’m glad I could be here with you…” I leaned back so I could look into his eyes – and I almost laughed because I knew he thought I was going to kiss him and, honestly, I did think about it for two or three slices of a microsecond but I didn’t. I stepped back and guided him to the bed and he automatically sat, then laid down… and let the feasting begin.

During our pre-meeting talk, Hank had expressed a “concern” to not just jump right into sucking and as, in the here and now I’m looking out of the window… because it was there, I couldn’t remember why he had expressed this but I did remember telling him not to worry about that. I’ve got him on the bed and I’m all over him but not in an aggressive sort of way as I start with his neck and ears and start working my way down his body; I stopped at his nipples and do a number on them because, well, I like nipples. I’m in close contact with his body and I can feel his body heat… and he’s fever hot. He’s kinda got his hands fluttering here and there on me as I work my way down to his navel and start doing a number on that because, like a man’s nipples, little attention is every paid to someone’s navel which is literally connected to the core of one’s body.

I’m remembering the smile I had on my face at this point. Hank is totally disarmed at this point; he’s 100% at my mercy and I knew that I could do anything I wanted to. Anything. But, I’m not that guy and continue to lick and kiss my way down to his crotch. I bypass his dick and the huge drop of pre-cum at the slit and in favor of checking out the inside of his thighs; I remember how his legs just automatically spread wider so I could get at his inner thighs which allowed me to also settle in between his legs. The heat wafting off of his crotch was… impressive and I remember having the silly thought that he was so hot that I could have cooked an egg. I stifled the laugh I’d felt coming so I could finally do what I came here to do.

I took Hank’s dick down to the bone in one fell swoop; I felt him tense for a moment, then relax. I held him there and just letting my tongue do whatever it felt like doing. He felt good in my mouth; he tasted good and clean; his very musky scent was quite pleasant. I cupped his balls and, in an instant, I felt his dick swell in my mouth, heard him say, “Oh, no…” and my mouth was getting filled with his cum. Well, damn. I wasn’t disappointed or anything like that and, in fact, I wasn’t feeling anything other than basking in feeling his dick shuddering deep in my mouth and swallowing every drop of cum he had. I did think that, in a way, by cumming now, he saved himself from the “vicious” sucking I was preparing to give him.

He’s done and I release him; I look up at him and, yep, he’s got that look on his face that let me know how embarrassed he was because he came too fast. He was about to apologize but I cut him off by saying, “Don’t. No need to apologize. Nothing to worry about and unless you want to leave, we’ve got time to do this again, okay?”

Hank nods and finds his voice. “That… that was, damn, Jesus Christ! Where did you learn how to do this?”

I laughed and said, “I’ve been doing this since I was nine so I’ve learned some stuff along the way. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, um, yeah, I’m okay,” he says. “Can I suck you now?”

“Please do,” I said, getting up from between his legs and rolling over onto my back. The thing I liked about Hank was that he actually started doing to me what I’d done to him and it was… cute because he was so… tentative about it. He’d gotten to my nipples and it was like he wasn’t sure what to do with them but after a few licks, he figured it out and so much that I cradled his head against me as he sucked my nipples. He did make a stop at my navel, which was nice, before bypassing my legs and going right after my dick.

He wasn’t of a mind to go slow. I could have asked him to slow down but I’ve always been of a mind to let a guy suck me the way he knows how to and according to how he’s feeling; unless his teeth started to bother me, I was content to let him do what he wanted. I was impressed that he didn’t try to take me deep; that told me that, if nothing else, he knew his limits. I’m now sitting at my computer and opening WordPress so I can write this down before I forget it and thinking about the times where a guy tried to deep throat me… and barfed. Ew.

Hank gets to sucking my balls and a bit too hard so I say to him, “Not so hard…” He lightens up and continues to suck them while holding my dick in a grip that was just a bit too tight but not unbearable and not worth saying anything to him about it. He goes back to sucking me and I’m liking how he’s using his tongue and really liking how he’s getting into it. He’s getting me to the edge and I’m immersed in the moment but not so much that I couldn’t warn him that I was gonna cum… because it’s just polite to do that when someone is sucking me for the first time. He didn’t stop but picked up the pace, sucking hard on my knob while furiously jerking on my shaft and… I cum. The sensations are swamping me into near incoherence and I’m dimly aware that I have my hands on his head and fucking into his mouth.

Damn, that was good. He was good. When he finally let go of me and looked up, I let him know that it was damned good and before he asked… and I somehow knew that he would. Big sigh. He stretches out alongside me and we’re… talking. He’s complimenting me and I’m returning the sentiment and genuinely so and we’re not exactly cuddling but lying very close to each other and that’s fine… because there’s a clock running in my head and counting down to the moment when I’m going to suck Hank’s dick again.

No “playing around.” I’m going to get after it and do the things I didn’t get a chance to do the first time. The internal timer runs out and I start to move; I take a moment to look into his eyes and I remember smiling at him and, perhaps, in a way that might have told him that he was in “trouble” because he had that “deer in the headlights” look for a moment… and I got right to it. I was… impressed. I didn’t have to ease him into an erection and as I thought I’d have to; I actually like sucking a guy’s cock when it’s soft and feeling him getting hard again in my mouth and Hank got hard in “record time.”

Good. I’m remembering that I showed him no mercy. None. I’d let my “inner cocksucking whore” out to play and “she” took the full measure of Hank. I had gently shoved my middle finger into his ass; he resisted, at first and tried to close his legs but since I was parked between them, yeah, he could do that so he relaxed and the rest of my finger went into him and started searching for his prostate. I can hear him vocalizing. He’s surprised by my… violation but muttering about how good it felt and that I shouldn’t stop.

And like I was going to. We hadn’t agreed to anal sex but at this point – and now that my probing finger found what it was looking for, I knew I owned him. If I had wanted to fuck him, I could have but that’s not what we agreed to. Yeah, we didn’t talk about fingers in the butt – and if he had really protested, I would have immediately withdrawn but, um, since he didn’t…

I was 100% in the moment. Nothing else existed other than my mouth on his dick and my finger “tickling” his prostate. I could feel his anal muscles clamping down and quivering against my finger and in sync with the tremors racing along his shaft. He’s got a grip on my head and something that I rarely allow a guy to do as he’s fucking into my mouth as if his life depended on it… which was my “evil” intent in the first place.

He lets out this… groan that sent chills all through me and his cock swells… and hot cum is spurting into my mouth and this time, there’s a lot of it. His anal muscles are clamping down on my finger so hard – and in time with his spurts – that my finger’s hurting but I stay the course just the same and gulp down every drop he had to offer and only now thinking that, hmm, his stuff tastes pretty good. He finally stops cumming; I gently remove my finger but I’ve not yet let go of his dick… because it feels so good in my mouth that I’m contemplating just keeping it going even though I was 99% sure he wouldn’t be able to bear up under it after busting such a big nut. As such, I should let him go…

And I didn’t. I “ignored” his questions of, “What are you doing?” Well, Hank, my man, what do you think I’m doing? My very gay lover taught me to how to suck a guy’s dick after he cums and how to avoid the head of the guy’s dick and it was a lesson I was very happy to learn… and use on poor Hank. Oh, yes – he’s about to catch a very bad break because the cocksucking Beast within me found his cock to its liking and Hank’s cum to be very tasty and “nourishing…” and it wanted more.

Yes. Resistance is futile, Hank. I’m remembering this moment and on the one hand, I feel… bad for doing this to Hank… and I don’t and didn’t. I was nearly mindless. Letting my lust run the show. Enjoying the fact that I spent a whole twenty minutes gently sucking his cock until it started getting hard again… and then the Beast bade me to take off the kid gloves and wreck shop on Hank.

We did that. Had to use one hand on his stomach to hold him down while the Beast and I ravaged him. As an afterthought, yeah, I felt bad about it; he was totally helpless but I was too deep in the moment to care. His dick felt amazing in my mouth; nearly a “perfect fit.” I needed his cum again and I wasn’t going to stop until I got it again. He gave it up to me, too, and it wasn’t like he had a choice in the matter. I gorged myself on what cum he had left to give and when he gave it and could give no more, only then did I let go of him because the “nice guy” I normally am reasserted control of the situation. I started to apologize to Hank… but he was, um, taking a nap.

We didn’t do anything else. He did apologize for not being in any shape to suck me again but I told him that was okay because I had jerked off while I was, um, doing a number on him and, oh, yeah, I am sorry about that but not really. We showered, got dressed and as we went on about our separate ways, he said that he’d call me later.

To be honest, I didn’t expect him to but, how ’bout that? He did and the first thing he said after I said, “Hello?” was, “You’re one scary son-of-a-bitch!” followed by how much he enjoyed what we’d done but how much my intensity unnerved him.

“You could have done anything you wanted to me… but you didn’t. Why?” he asked.

“Because we didn’t agree to anything other than what we agreed to,” the literal part of my mind had me say. I knew I could have but I’m honorable, well, to a point – I don’t always play fair and I knew I would feel like a heel if I’d fucked him and even when he was saying that he wouldn’t have objected if I had fucked him… and he’d never been fucked before. What was I that I could make him feel that way?

“I’m just… me,” I had said. He had wanted to know if I was like this with every guy and I said that I wasn’t, but he was… different. He wanted to know what that difference was and even as I sit here typing this, I couldn’t really say but what I did say – that I loved the way his dick felt in my mouth – well, I felt – and feel now – that it wasn’t that good of an answer.

“I want to meet up with you again… but you’re scary. In a good way but still scary. I’ve never felt the way you made me feel before,” he said, and I could hear the truth in his words. One part of me felt bad and another part was “laughing evilly” and not feeling bad at all.

“Okay, sure, if you want to,” I said. “If we do, this time, I’ll pick the place and pay for it.”

“Okay but I’m still not sure if I really want to,” he said.

“May I ask why?” I asked – because I really wanted to know.

“Because I’m afraid of what I’d let you do to me,” he said.

“And that is?” I asked – but I didn’t need to because I knew what that was.

“I’m afraid that I’ll let you fuck me… and that I’ll want you to,” he confirmed.

“Look, um, I’m not the kind of guy who’d go against an agreement,” I said. “See, it’s one thing if we agreed to it; it’s one thing to be in the heat of the moment and, um, shit happens but it’s one of those things where it’d be cool if there was that… awareness that it was okay for shit to happen, if you know what I mean. Like, okay, we’re talking. If you said that you wanted me to fuck you when we meet again, okay, we’ll talk about that and if we’re in agreement, that’s what we’ll do. I’m not sure I like the thought that you’re afraid of me and something is going to happen that, realistically, you don’t want to happen and I’m not in the habit of making guys do something they don’t want to do.”

I heard him sigh and it sounded like one of great relief. There was a long moment of silence and just as I was about to ask if he was still there, he said, “Yeah… I think you can get this ass and I think you should.”

We met at the place of my choosing a couple of days later. It was… intense but I wasn’t the origin of the intensity. My mind is still deep in the gutter thinking about how he sucked me and then how he was when I impaled him on my dick. He was… frenetic. I thought he was totally out of control and, later, he would admit that he was and that he liked it. It was so good for him to just go for it and not hold back whatever was going on inside of him.

I’m remembering the look on his face when I came inside of him. I remember him saying, “So that’s what it feels like…” I remember offering my ass to him and felt… somewhat disappointed that he turned it down.

“I’d rather feel you inside of me again,” he had said as we showered together.

He felt me inside of him again in the shower. I’m really not a fan of fucking guys but it felt… right with Hank. Hey, as long as he was happy and satisfied, that’s what really mattered.

I wonder how he’s doing. Things worked out to make it difficult for us to meet up again. C’est la vie. Not only does shit not happen but life does keep right on happening.

The door to the gutter has finally closed. I liked being with Hank. I have a now-fading memory of him saying that being with me changed the way he looked at being bisexual and how I showed him how much he was holding himself back and not being in the moment of things. That and I taught him some stuff about nipples and navels that he was gonna steal and he was definitely going to rip me off for that finger on the prostate thing that he hadn’t know about before… or that he even had a prostate.

Good stuff. “Nasty” gutter stuff. I’m laughing to think that my mind just doesn’t get all into the gutter: My mind owns it and it likes to remind me that it does and, well, just goes there even when I’m not even thinking like that and especially the moment I wake up and get out of bed.

Welcome to what it’s like to be inside my head…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 April 22

I was re-reading the now-old piece I wrote about asking for a bro-job and, interestingly, that piece gets read… a lot. I’m re-reading it, smiling and laughing softly to myself and my brain asks, “Yeah, you know how hard it can be to get a guy know that you’d love to suck his dick, right?”

Indeed I do. Sometimes it’s having a friend that your body knows is sexually attractive even if your brain won’t admit that he is or isn’t even thinking about him like that. Sometimes, it’s just being horny and to the point where you might have one of those split-second thoughts about what it’d be like to blow him and more so if you’ve ever seen his dick. I can remember way too many times hanging out with a guy, we’re both bored beyond belief and, well now, I know of something we could do that would take care of being bored. With the guys I knew were down with it, asking them if I could blow them was easy – and provided they didn’t beat me to the punch and ask first.

But with a guy that you don’t know how he might react to such a request? It can be like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun because he might get offended, freak out, whatever or like playing it with an empty gun – but you don’t know it’s empty until you find out that it is… and you’re happily sucking dick and if you’re really lucky, he’s just as happy sucking yours.

My brain reminded me of that “friends don’t have sex with friends” thing that even I know isn’t all that true, but my brain also reminded me that when a guy develops an interest in men and their dicks, many of them look to their friends to get that first experience under their belts. Now, the guys on the forum sometimes talk about this and, as usual, there are two camps: The one that says if you can’t ask a friend for and about this, who can you ask and the one saying that asking a friend if you can suck him off is tantamount to destroying the friendship and it should never be done.

My thoughts on this are that both camps are right… and they’re “wrong,” too. I’m remembering a moment where I was talking to a guy who was more acquaintance than friend and he was riffing about one of his close friends who asked about being able to suck his dick. Ranting about not being gay and assuming that his friend was and even more ranting about not knowing why his boy asked him that… then asking me if I knew.

Of course, I knew. I’m thinking about how to answer his question without letting him know exactly how I know this; we’re cool and all that but he’s not that cool with me. I took an extra moment to do some more thinking by asking him, “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you know shit,” he said. “You’re one smart motherfucker!”

I got into – and stumbled through – trying to explain the concept of “it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t” and with the “devil” having two roles and the biggest one is, yeah, you guessed it, guys aren’t supposed to be doing this in the first place. I was tripping all over myself trying to explain how two guys become friends and the more they interact with each other, the more trust is established between them and to the extent that you know some stuff about them that few other people know and the friendship can become so comfortable that if they were to see each other naked or in some other state of undress, well, it’s no big deal – we’re both guys and we have the same thing, right?

I stumbled and bumbled trying to explain that… bond or connection two male friends can have and how it’s possible that, well, you’re not actually attracted to him in any sense of the word but you just kinda know that if, by some weird chance, something was to jump off between them, well, it’s food for thought but it might not be that bad of a thing – and that’s even considering that the two guys have zero interest in dicks other than their own.

“It’s just that you can feel close enough to a guy where, okay, neither of you are into this but if it were to somehow come up, um, er, uh, listen, lemme ask you something – and that something can be some stuff that is a prelude to asking your friend if he’d be interested in letting you suck his dick… because the strength of the friendship bond “says” that you can ask. It’s… safer in a lot of ways than asking an acquaintance or someone else you don’t know well or at all,” I said. Man… I felt like an idiot trying to get this out and feeling as if I wasn’t making any sense.

“It’s not like he’s gay or asking you to be his boyfriend or some shit like that,” I said. “Sometimes, it’s just how you feel and sometimes you can get to feeling that way because if you’re really close friends, there’s not much you don’t know about him and that includes how he goes about having sex. You’ve been by his side in the good and bad times and you develop… empathy towards him. It’s not love in that sense – although y’all might say that you love each other like a brother – but, damn, I can’t really explain this because it’s hard to put such feelings into words but, yeah, I know that dudes can feel this way towards their close friends. It doesn’t mean that they’re gonna come right out and hit on them or anything like that but, uh, sometimes, you just know that if one of you asked such a question, um, the answer might not be no… or it could be no.”

“And before you ask, yeah, I’ve had friends ask if they could blow me,” I added… and I’ll be damned if I know why I added this.

“What did you do?” he asked.

“Got my dick sucked,” I said; if I was going to let the cat out of the bag, I might as well do that and throw the bag away.

“Why would you allow that?” he asked.

“Because we’re friends and if you’re a “true” friend, is there anything that you wouldn’t do for them?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t do that!” he said.

“Most guys wouldn’t but, still, if it was something that, I dunno know how to put it – but you knew that if you let him do it, he’d be okay with himself,” I said. “Or you’re just hanging out with him and there’s nothing to do and your both bored and sometimes – and I don’t really know why – giving each other a blow job is the thing to do,” I said.

“Seriously?” he asked.

“Yeah, seriously. It’s one of those things that if you can’t ask your close friend or say something about this to him, who can you do this with?” I asked. “It ‘doesn’t mean’ mean anything other than this is how deep the bond you have with each other is. It doesn’t mean that either of you are faggots or some shit like that but, shit, um, that’s just how you feel. Sometimes, you know he’s hurting – maybe his girl dumped him or something like that and, again, I don’t know why but you want to do or say something that will make him feel better and if he asked you for sex, saying no is probably your first thought but the second thought might be along the lines of how bad can it be – and he’s your friend.”

“That’s some shit,” he said.

“The ‘real shit’ is being in such a situation with a close friend and you get it into your head that the way to make him feel better is to suck his dick… and you have never been about any of that,” I said. “I’ve seen it happen too many times and, yes, I’ve seen it ruin friendships big time but this is one of those things where you tend to find out who your real friends are.”

“So if I asked you if I could suck your dick – not that I’m really asking – you’d say yes?” he asked.

“No and that’s because I don’t know all that well,” I said. “And there’s the thing and the difference and the problem because even when you know somebody, what you don’t know is how they’re going to react if you asked them or even said anything about it… and sometimes, you find out that you didn’t know them as well as you thought you did.”

“So, what – I should have said yes?” he asked.

“I’m not saying that at all but I’m not surprised that he asked you… because he thought he could. He wanted to do this for you and for whatever reason he needed to and that could, as I said, include the two of you hanging out, you’re bored, and well… that,” I said. “And that should have told you how much he trusts you.”

“This is some weird shit,” he said.

“Yeah, it is but it’s not unusual,” I said. “Lemme put it like this: Boys will be boys and this is one of the things that boys do even though no one believes that we should. Now it’s just a thing of whether or not you would be okay with something like this or not but if you aren’t, I don’t think that’s a reason to stop being friends with the guy but that often happens. Just one of those things that if you don’t ask, you won’t ever know one way or the other. You said no – and that was that.”

“You make it sound like I was the bad guy,” he said.

“No, no, no. He wanted to suck your dick. You said no. End of discussion except you’re wondering why he wanted to and I’m trying to explain it to you and nothing more than that,” I said. “Sure, some of my friends have asked me this. I’ve said yes because we’re friends like that… and I like having my dick sucked and I don’t think it’s weird to have a guy do it. But most dudes do. Just the way it is. That’s where the friendship bond comes into play and it’s the bond itself that can get a guy thinking about this and if he’s going to do it, sure – if you can’t ask a friend – and a friend that you trust – who can you ask?”

“Friends don’t have sex with their friends,” he said.

“Yeah… and it’s bullshit,” I said. “Friends can and do have sex with each other but it’s said that if they do, it’s a guarantee that the friendship will be ruined. It happens but it doesn’t always happen. It’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t.”

“Oh, okay – I get it,” he said. “Doesn’t mean I’d let him suck my dick but, yeah, I see what you mean.”

In a way, it didn’t matter to me if he got it or not. He asked a question, and I knew the answer even if I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth all that well. Yes, I outed myself by admitting that a friend has asked me if he could suck my dick and I said yes… because, why not? We’re friends and close enough for that question to be asked in the first place. I might not go do a crime because a friend asked me to but this? Sure – let’s go do this. I’ve said no a few times because I felt that it would do the friend “more harm than good.” Judgement call kind of stuff or, as I’ve said here of late, if you don’t mind, it never matters.

But the bond of friendship does matter. If you had a friend who asked if they could give you head and you had the sense that it was important to them, would you agree with it or, as many do, get offended? Guys who are looking at a friend understand that they’re putting the friend in a “tough” situation; maybe they know (somehow) that the friend would be agreeable and that they can ask but as I’ve seen, what they don’t know is whether or not they’re risking the friendship by asking. But, yeah – a lot of guys are of a mind that if they can’t ask a friend – and for whatever reasons makes sense to them – who can they ask and more so when getting online to get some dick isn’t as easy as it may appear to be?

It’s a trust issue. It’s a lot of things, really, but trust is high on the list. It’s… complicated. I still have a difficult time trying to explain this despite having experienced this myself. If nothing else, you really do get to know who your “real” friends are. It’s troubling because while you can be “sure” that you can ask a friend about this, you’re also “sure” that it might be a bad idea to ask them. I’ve seen guys going through this and it’s gotten my attention because… they’re acting weird. It has made me ask them, “What’s wrong?” and then going through that, “What makes you think there’s something wrong?” stuff that’s kinda funny since, clearly, I wouldn’t be asking you what’s wrong if you weren’t giving me the strong impression that something is wrong.

Sometimes, I’ve known what was wrong with them… and not understanding how I knew. When I’ve known – and they’ve asked – it hasn’t surprised me but what has surprised me is getting hit with this from a guy I would have no idea or clue or any indication that he’d ask such a question. Or being in those moments where sucking his dick… makes sense. It’s something I want to do for him as well as myself. It’s better than being bored and having nothing else to do other than to keep sitting here and talking. I “know” that I can ask but I also don’t know if I can ask. I’ve asked. The offer has been accepted and, sometimes, they expected me to ask.

It’s been rejected and, yes, I’ve lost those friends. Seriously fucked up but if you don’t ask, you won’t know and understanding that asking – or even “generally” bringing the subject up – can either bring you closer together as friends… or destroy the whole thing. Which is why this particular… compulsion doesn’t make a lot of sense while making a lot of sense and at a very basic level: If you can’t ask a friend… I guess the perception is that if you’re really and truly friends, well, you can ask or, yep, you can be asked. Now it’s decision time – asking the question and answering it. No way to know how that’s going to go; maybe it’ll be okay and maybe it won’t but the thing I think is important is that if a friend is asking to have sex with you, it’s because they trust you enough that they feel they can ask you… and accepting the risk and consequences if you lose your shit because they just asked you if they could do something that is… gay.

When it isn’t. It might not even be sexuality related. It’s not about being sexually attracted or attracted in the generally accepted sense. It’s about… friendship. Having that bond and the depth and strength of it that could make a sexual thing – like blowing each other’s brains out – “just a thing” friends can do… because it really is, you know, if you don’t mind or object.

Guys can be… hilariously funny in this even though it’s not really a laughing matter. I’ve been… entertained with a lot of very funny “what if” scenarios; I’ve had guys say that they’re asking me about this… for a friend. Yeah, seriously. I’ve had them try that “what would you do” thing and understanding that they’re trying to find out what, if anything, I would do because that would help them decide to ask me what, at this point, I already know about… and even if I had no reason to think that they would think about this.

It’s “boys being boys” but it’s really about being friends. If you can’t even confide in a friend about stuff like this, who can you do this with? This is the situation that taught me that one of the worst things about being bisexual is not having someone you can talk to about it. Ask a stranger or someone you don’t know all that well? Um, let’s not and say we did… but if we can open up to a friend? That works or it should, right? Now things reach the very deep end of the pool because you don’t know how they’re going to react.

Scary shit and makes turning to a friend in these things an “insane” thing to do, let alone think about… but guys do think about it. Gals probably do, too, but, eh, they don’t talk much about it but I have had some women express the same kind of thoughts and feelings about a friend… because approaching a “stranger” about it is even more scarier and potentially hazardous.

It begs the question of what would you do for a friend? And the answer isn’t an easy one and if you understand this, perhaps you can understand that them asking you about this wasn’t even easy for them but, yeah, again, if they can’t ask you, who can they ask or even talk to about this?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 26 April 22

Sometimes I really do try not to laugh at some guys. I don’t mean to but when a forum member asks how he can be better at sucking dick, it tends to make me laugh and wonder why he doesn’t know that practice makes perfect. It may not appear to be so but there’s a lot of common sense involved in being a sexually active bisexual male.

Sometimes a guy “masters” cocksucking right out of the gate. They’re a natural. That’s probably because a guy can be thinking about doing it, probably watches dicks being sucked if he watches porn, and more likely because he’s watched a woman suck him. Guys who have managed to conquer this particular fear before the fact tend to just dive on in there and with little hesitancy and there have been many times I’ve been sucked by a first-timer and I’m wondering if he fibbed to me about it being his first time.

Other guys have to work their way into sucking a dick; they have to “figure it out” because, as I’ve written a lot, it’s one thing to think about sucking a dick, something else when you’re about to put your mouth on one. Usually some fits and starts but unless the mental clusterfuck derails them, most guys figure it out and get in the groove. They sometimes worry about not “doing it right” but that’s to be expected but it always remains true that the only way to get better at something is to do it over and over and as many times as you can until whatever you’re trying to be better at becomes second-nature.

The only crimp in this, as far as sucking dick goes, is that what works on one guy might not work on another… but that’s just part of the deal and something you eventually learn the more you suck dick. I’ve seen guys on the forum ask how to suck a dick and, yeah, you might roll your eyes and think, “Duh…” but it helps to remember that this is usually seen as something so different that it’s almost unimaginable; I remember reading something a very long time ago that suggested that if you can see yourself doing a thing, you will be able to do it. By and large, eh, that kinda/sorta works but a lot of guys who are new to this sometimes can’t “see” themselves sucking a dick so when it’s time to actually do it, er, um, shit.

Still, the common sense thing is that if you want to get better at sucking dick, um, suck a lot of dick and if you can suck a lot of different dicks, even better. The problem comes when guys can’t do it; they want to but there’s usually a lot of stuff going on with them that prevents them from getting the experience and skill level they desire, up to and including sabotaging themselves by coming up with excuses for why they can’t and excuses that, with some thought, can be eliminated so to clear the way to suck some dick.

The other question is… how to suck dick and be safe from STDs. There are two ways and the first is to not suck dick but that’s self-defeating since the guy in question very much wants to. So, if this is immediately off the table, the next and best way to be safe sucking dick is to put a condom on the guy and if he has any objections, well, someone isn’t going to get their dick sucked. Additionally, you do have to find the guy who’s “right” for you and while I see forum members speaking to the kind of guys they’d stay away from, it’s not a one-size-fits all kind of thing and one always has to use the best judgement they can bring to bear.

Remember what I said about guys making excuses? I’ve heard guys say that they want to suck dick, they want to be safe, but they don’t want condoms involved… but still asking how they can suck a dick. I’ve seen guys respond by saying that, indeed, using condoms is a must until they’re in a relationship – then the condoms can be kept in the package… and are you serious about that? I understand the school of thought behind this in that establishing a relationship calls for building trust and really getting to know each other and that includes each other’s sexual history. Once that level of trust has been established, accepting the potential risk is deemed to be, well, acceptable.

If you buy into this school of thought – and a lot of guys do – um, if being in a relationship isn’t what you want to do – and that includes the FWB thing – common sense says that you put a condom on every dick you suck and this is non-negotiable. Here’s the thing about that: Sucking a dick wrapped in a condom leaves something to be desired. Tack on that really strange thing where a guy can be diamond-hard, goes to put on a condom, and instantly becomes flaccid and I’ve seen guys’ dicks go soft and it’s like they’re trying to hide because they seem to get smaller when soft than they were before trying to put a condom on.

Then there’s the, ah, “complication” of wanting to swallow cum which, um, well, that’s not going to happen if homey is wrapped up. For those of us who have sucked a condom-covered dick, well, it’s not quite the same. It feels different and no matter how thin the condom is. When you get into the nuts and bolts of it, it’s the tactile sensations of being able to feel the dick in your mouth as well as the taste of his skin and that nice and tasty pre-cum that plays into the pleasure of sucking a dick and… it’s just not the same. One of the mistakes guys can make with condoms is getting the wrong kind; preferably, you want the thinnest and unlubricated condom you can get. Unless you look for them, most guys get whatever condom is the least expensive and 99% of the time, they’re lubricated and many guys find that they don’t taste good and even more when the lubricant is impregnated with a spermicide. I’ll say that if you wrap the guy up and get to sucking – and your mouth goes numb – the wrong condom is being used.

Plus, whatever lubricant they use for condoms doesn’t taste good… because they aren’t “specifically” for cocksucking. I’ve heard of guys taking the cum out of a condom and swallowing it that way and, well, whatever floats your boat on that one. Flavored condoms, personally, aren’t my cup of tea; lots of artificial flavors and sweetners are employed (and for good reason) that I have never been able to acquire the taste of and to make matters worse, the moment that nasty stuff hits my tongue, it puts my mind in a place that has nothing to do with sucking homey’s dick. Yuck. Oh, why artificial sweetners? Because sugar can be a breeding ground for certain bacteria and viruses, so, um, well, this little factoid kinda speaks for itself, methinks.

Common sense suggests that if you’re not willing to take and accept the risks that are inherent in sex, don’t have sex. None of it. But if you’re going to suck dick – and do it a lot in order to get better at it – well, you know what you have to do in order to be safe doing it. What gets past me is why these common sense things doesn’t always click in a guy’s mind. I learned them… because I was sucking a lot of dick and I learned from the mistakes others made in this. As far as the sexual health of the other guy, I learned to adopt this: When in doubt, do nothing. You’ll probably piss the other guy off by refusing to suck him because you have doubts about his health and/or cleanliness but this ain’t totally about him, is it? And the only “bad” thing that’ll happen is you don’t do what both of you wants done.

Then there’s a thing I heard of where a guy will start out wearing a condom and then just rip it off before they cum and there’s a term for it that I can’t remember at this moment, but it is considered to be 100% uncool and even unethical.

I remember Cityman’s near-paranoid concerns about this and while I totally understood them, it didn’t escape me that this Harvard-educated guy’s common sense just abandoned him when voicing his concerns about the healthiness of sucking a dick. When I pointed out to him that mandating the use of condoms mitigates the risks he was like, “Oh, yeah – you’re right.” The thing is that, I’ll say, “most of the time,” we don’t use condoms for oral sex. Most folks who suck dick may or may not be aware that one of the determining factors in avoiding catching something nasty in your mouth is the health of your mouth; if you have cavities, gum disease, and even those “minors” cuts and scrapes in your mouth, they could open a door to your bloodstream and that’s obviously not a good thing. Still, it’s pretty hard to catch an STD in your mouth but it’s not impossible so common sense suggests that if your mouth isn’t healthy, um, ya might want to take care of that; otherwise, if you suck dick (or eat pussy) without protection – and you’re protecting him as much as yourself – you’re accepting the potential risks and consequences.

I tend to think that being a successful cocksucker is a mix of knowledge and just being “lucky.” I had reason to get into the science of things and especially when I knew of men and women who were infecting each other and, on the whole, almost at epidemic levels. What were these diseases? What are the symptoms? How are they taken care of medically? And, importantly, what are the best ways to avoid becoming a statistic? Getting deep into this level of understanding is… boring. Chock full of medical terminology that’s mind-numbing. Still, I’d say that it “stands to reason” that if you’re going to be an oral sex fiend – and that includes sucking dick – know the facts and learn them even if doing so wants to put you to sleep or makes you head hurt.

Sadly, you just can’t trust a guy’s word that he’s healthy enough to have sex. Getting tested? A damned good thing but here’s the thing I feel that people don’t pay attention to: Getting tested is a “snapshot.” At the time you’re tested, you can test negative for the commonly known stuff and including HIV… but if you’re still having sex, well, anything can happen after you’ve been tested. Then a lot of guys aren’t of a mind to (a) see a doctor regularly and/or (b) tell a doctor about his sexual history because he’s outing himself to the doctor and there’s that fear that the doctor is going to tell everyone he knows that he has a male patient who has sex with men. At the least, it’s embarrassing to have this conversation with a doctor, and I know because I felt embarrassed telling mine, but I told him anyway.

Because not telling him wasn’t a smart thing for me to do. Was I worried about him telling other people? No… because I know that he – and like other doctors – don’t want to get sued for breaking doctor/patient confidentiality and the HIPAA laws in effect today are strictly adhered to. Doctors pay a stupid amount in premiums for malpractice insurance, and they’d prefer to not have to use it. Besides, I trust him, and he’s not failed in his duty to keep me as healthy as possible.

Common sense stuff or, at least to me, it’s common sense. I not only learned how to be good at sucking dick and eating pussy, I also learned how to be safe doing it; I know the risks and I know what bad stuff has visible symptoms and what bad stuff doesn’t and there’s always that thing I mentioned earlier: When in doubt, do nothing. Even when being in a relationship and the understanding that it might not keep you as safe as you think it should do. I know that I don’t like anything between myself and the other person when I’m giving them head and most of the time, they don’t want anything getting in the way of getting it because, if for no other reason, it doesn’t feel the same and what you’re not feeling can impact one’s ability to derive pleasure from getting and giving head. Science stuff again.

Still, if you want to be the best cocksucker you can be, um, suck cock. Often. Use condoms or oral dams with the ladies. Do not ever fail to use these protections but let’s face it – not everyone is going to be that dedicated all of the time. Hah, methinks there’s nothing more embarrassing than a guy pulling out his wallet… and there’s an imprint of the condom he’s stored in there… and that’s actually a very bad place to keep one. Or, if a guy knows not to keep one in his wallet, going into a pocket for something… and a condom package falls out. I understand that 100% compliance to condom usage gets to be… difficult in spontaneous moments but there’s also that thing that is kinda head-scratching in that we’ll use condoms for fucking but not for sucking. Common sense suggests that if you use them for one thing, you use them for everything… but, yeah, hmm, common sense does tend to get kicked to the curb when you’re seriously horny and the other person is and that has to be dealt with right now and calling a halt to things to run out and get a pack of condoms could have the effect of making the participants less horny or just kills the whole mood and vibe.

Yeah… sucking dick isn’t as “easy” as it appears to be because, well, it isn’t. Some guys do practice their cocksucking with dildoes. Nothing wrong with that. It’s safe and provided the dildo is only used for that purpose… but, it’s not the same as sucking the real thing. Why? Zero feedback. There are a lot of amazing dildoes on the market, but I’ve not heard of one that can tell you, “Yeah, right there! Do that again!” Dildoes are… static but sucking a guy’s dick isn’t because from beginning to end, it’s going through changes as he builds up to his release and you can feel them and use them to gauge how you’re going to suck him and, of course, he’s going to be reacting to what you’re doing.

Your practice dildo is going to feel the same in your mouth. All of the time. Chances are that you’re not going to “abuse” your mouth and throat like a guy might when you blow him and it gets to feeling good to him; even him starting to “automatically” start fucking into your mouth is the kind of feedback that you can’t get from a dildo but is very much a part of getting to be good at sucking dick.

And if you’re not sucking dick, you’re not learning these things that I think are a necessity if you want to be good at it. And keep in mind that being good is subjective more than it is objective. I’ve given guys blowjobs that I felt was shitty and not to my standards… but homey’s singing my praises. Hmm. There is, in fact, only one real bad blowjob: It’s the one you don’t get or give. Everything else is eye of the beholder kind of stuff. Again, if you’re not sucking dick, you’re not learning any of this and while you can find out what it’s like for someone else, that’s them… and not you.

Is it overthinking? Some might say that it is, but I don’t think so because there isn’t a cocksucker I know of, male or female, that wants to be known as not being good at it and that includes me… and I didn’t get as “good” as I think I am at it by not sucking a lot of dicks and, yes, sometimes, failing to please. Ugh. You get… grounded in the sense that when you suck a lot of dick, you realize that you can only do the best you can do and maybe you’ll also find out something I learned: Guys don’t know how to get their dick sucked. But even this plays into being the best cocksucker you can be: Attention to detail. Making this something you don’t have to think about doing; looking at a guy’s dick for the first time and before your mouth even makes contact with it, you already know what you’re going to do to it and that’s also based on the feedback coming from him and, yes, his assessment on whether or not you sucked him good or not.

And just because you got him to cum doesn’t necessarily mean you did a “good job.” That’s because of whatever was going on with him more than anything you did or didn’t do; kinda embarrasing for me to think about the many times a guy has sucked me, I’ve cum and… bleh. Then realizing that he didn’t do any thing wrong but I did… because my mind was “somewhere else” or something else was bothering me that became a distraction. Ah, but if you suck a lot of dick – and get yours sucked a lot – you learn how something like this also plays into the determination of things being good or “bad.”

Finally, there’s the… focal point: Who are you trying to please in doing this and being deemed as good – yourself… or the other guy? Even more stuff to consider when you’re contemplating how to be a good cocksucker. Most of the forum members who suck dick say that they want to make it good for the other guy and that’s all well and good but one of the things I learned – and, yep, the hard way – is that if you’re not going to make doing it good for yourself, why are you sucking dick? Yeah, I know it’s me and I’ve said it too many times before: When I give head, I’m selfish. I’m not really trying to make it good for them but that’s because I know that if I’m not having one hell of a good time doing it, it’s not going to be all that good for them. Well, um, sometimes, it is but that’s not my perception of things. I just learned that it’s not enough to just “go out of my way” to make it good for them if I’m not making it good for myself and in the doing. Having to learn how to go from not even thinking about it to being 100% into it “in an instant.”

Because I love giving head. Turns me on like nothing else does. I’m very much into the details and the science of it. I learned to be the best I can be at it… because it’s no fun not being the best I can be and if I’m not, fuck… they’re not going to let me go down on them again unless I can “prove” that I can do better at pleasing them and, importantly, myself. Yeah, sometimes, I’ve given head and have been told it wasn’t all that or whatever… and I’ve been of a mind that, yeah, sorry about that… but I got to give you head and I had fun doing it even if you didn’t so much. I just get like that sometimes, but I do try not to be…

Because I want to be good at it. I got to be “good” at it because I’ve sucked a lot of dicks and because of something I was taught and learned that had nothing to do with sex. I’m a musician and one of the first things I was taught was that practice makes perfect. It just stood to reason that I had to practice both long and often in order to be the best I could be playing an instrument. Practice is… boring. Repetitive. Frustrating when you don’t quite “get it right” but in order to be able to “get it right,” you keep practicing and at every opportunity that becomes available.

Pretty much the same common sensical thing involved when wanting to be good at sucking dick – you keep sucking dicks. You work toward there being not a whole lot of obstacles getting in the way of being able to practice and master cocksucking. And with the understanding that you’re not always going to get it “right” for yourself or whomever you’re giving head to. But you keep at it anyway. And when you think you’re good at it? You try to be better at it. Because if you’re not trying to do this, why do you want to suck dick?

It’s not all about technique. It’s the desire to suck dick; it’s getting it into your head to not only do it but to strive to be the best you can be at it… but that’s not going to happen if you don’t suck dick. A lot of dicks. Jesus… I’ve sucked hundreds of dicks; I’m not kidding when I say that I lost count of the number of dicks I’ve sucked back in 1978. Don’t even ask me how many pussies I’ve eaten but the mindset is the same: You don’t get good at something by not doing it as often as you can even if “good” is subjective.

Easy, right? Yeah, not really, huh? With guys who have sucked a dick for the first time – and mine specifically – one of their worries is not being good at it. I don’t expect them to be because it’s unrealistic. I’ll tell them not to worry about that – just do the best you can figure out how to do and if you do something wrong, I’ll let you know and even nicely because I don’t want to put a whole lot of pressure on you to be a master cocksucker right out of the gate. Put your worries and fears aside and it sounds funny but don’t think too much about doing it – just let your feelings guide you. Weirdly, it’s okay to be told that you didn’t do it right for them… and not okay at all. Now the trick is to not let negative criticism fuck with your head but allow it to motivate you to be better the next time even if it’s not with the person who gave you a bad grade the last time.

How do you get good at sucking dick? You suck dick. You learn some stuff. You practice, practice, practice and have fun practicing. I tell Cityman this almost all of the time; he’s still worried about not being good at sucking dick and I tell him that to be good at it, suck more dick. It’s taken a lot to get him to set his fears aside and while he’s not totally fearless yet, he keeps being a better cocksucker because he wants to be and he’s learning… stuff about what it takes to be good at it. You have to want to be good at it; you have to be able to find, embrace, and revel in the pleasure that can be felt in the doing – and no matter how the other person may or may not be reacting because, again, if you’re not having a field day giving them head, chances are good they’re not going to enjoy it either.

Easy, right? This isn’t theory – this is what I learned by doing. A lot. Because I not only love giving head, but I do want to be remembered as being not only as good at it but damned good at it. An unrealistic goal? Of course, it is but the only unreachable or unrealistic goal is the one you never attempt to reach for. And trying to get there is… fun.

Those of you who give head knows what I’m talking about and for those who don’t, maybe you’ve learned some stuff about it that might encourage you to give it a try…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 19 April 22

Those of us who suck cock also has a “fascination” for cum. You might be thinking, “Duh…” but bear with me for a few as I empty my head out about this. Let’s take a trip back to the past…

The gang seemed to find out the joys of sucking dick at about the same time. It took a bit of convincing to get girls to do it – okay, a lot of convincing – but those who were convinced took to it rather nicely albeit with an ulterior motive: If they sucked a guy’s dick, her virginity could be preserved. Cool. Among us guys, we were more excited about this revelation since, well, you know why. Some of us would get a very bad case of the giggles before, during, and after sucking on a friend’s dick, making him have that “good feeling” over and over until both participants literally got tired from do it to each other.

A guy’s prick in your mouth felt weird but very good. Even better when you could feel him get hard in your mouth and better still when he’d start to hump your mouth. We were deep into this and it was no secret that we couldn’t wait to start shooting the “baby-making” stuff that we’d been hearing about. I was able to do that first among us and while the Hot in the Ass Girls would wind up being… iffy about wanting me to shoot it in their mouth – and would prefer it to be shot elsewhere – among the fellas?

It was the holy grail of things. Many of the guys wanted to suck my dick so I could shoot my stuff into their mouth and with, ah, let’s say, mixed results. There was more spitting than swallowing but it also seemed that once one of us professed to swallowing the stuff, you had to be some kind of chicken not to follow suit and whether the taste agreed with you or not. Add on the fact that we’d entered into a period where girls would suck our dick but we’d be warned to not shoot that stuff in their mouth and, as you might imagine, some guys promised not to… and did it anyway and some thought it was funny.

What those assholes didn’t know was that because they did this, they made sure that girls wouldn’t suck our dick and they sure as hell wasn’t going to allow us to shoot in their mouth. But, um, that was kinda okay… because we were very hyped to suck each other and get that warm, thick, sticky stuff that tasted good – and sometimes not that good – in our mouth. It would be a rarity for one of us to request that it not be shot into our mouth and the one gay guy in our tribe? Today, I give him some very major props because one of his favorite pasttimes was to line a bunch of us up and suck us all off… two or three times and as a guy could manage without passing out from the sheer sensory overload and very physical drain.

While it was fun to suck a guy who wasn’t yet shooting the stuff, it was just so much better to do it to a guy who was. Over time, the giggling and laughing we used to do about it faded away because getting your dick sucked and being able to shoot in a guy’s mouth was not only serious but a thing that even some of the Hot in the Ass Girls weren’t of a mind to do.

Some of them told me that they’d rather have me shoot it in their kitty or their hiney than to shoot it in their mouth. Others would be “okay” with it… as long as I kissed and licked and sucked on their kitty and for as long as they wanted me to… which was fine with me because if they didn’t do it, there was always a guy who would suck me because they wanted it in their mouth and whether they swallowed it or spit it out.

At some point, the newness of being able to shoot spunk kinda wore off and it was pretty much a given that if you sucked a guy’s prick, he was going to shoot spunk, jizz, or cream into your mouth and saying that you didn’t want him to do that meant that you wanted him to put it in your butt… most of the time but, eh, given that we had very short refractory periods (which I’d learn about much later on), you could get a load of it in your mouth, then in your butt and, after some serious cleaning, in your mouth again.

Good stuff. With girls, if you weren’t shooting the stuff, they didn’t want to be bothered with you all that much and the only way you’d get to shoot it in a girl’s mouth was if you were really boyfriend and girlfriend and she really liked you. Otherwise, it was well-known that if you wanted to have your dick sucked so you could shoot, just find one of the many guys who were very much onboard with it.

A guy would roll up on me and ask, “Can you shoot?” and I’d say that I could… and off we’d go to spend as much time as we could get away with cumming in each other’s mouth or until neither of us could get hard again – whichever came first (and the pun is intended). Time continues to march forward and the number of guys craving a mouthful of spunk was starting to decline due to a greater interest in having sex with girls – and girls who were beginning to be of a mind to avoid having sex and for various reasons.

Just the way things went. Admittedly, we didn’t much like being cock-teased by some chick and find ourselves hard, horny, and with our balls aching because, well, that’s just some shit a lot of girls were doing. But we also knew that there were guys who wouldn’t be even thinking about being a cock-tease because they wanted the dick in their mouth, ass, or both – you just had to find one of those guys. The effeminately gay guys would be out in droves and looking for dicks to suck and cum to swallow which, on the one hand, was fine but, on the other, yeah, not really since a lot of them were members of the Kiss and Tell Club and a lot of guys started avoiding them because the word would be put out there that homeboy was really gay.

I’d run into guys who had never been sucked off, couldn’t “pay” a girl to do it and asking what it’s like to get sucked off by a guy and I’d be more than happy to let him find out what it was like to not only get sucked off by a guy but to suck a guy off as well. Even when we got into the “period of time” where guys were walking away from having sex with other guys – because that was gay and gay was the worst thing a guy could be – a lot of guys continued to have the need and fascination over getting or giving another guy his cum… because it just wasn’t any fun or satisfying to “take the risk” of being called out as gay if no sperm was involved.

I knew girls who were cum sluts; I knew there were more guys who were cum sluts than there were girls who were and, yes, I was one of those guys but even I had gotten to a point where, before, I went out of my way to let guys know that they could cum in my mouth to not advertising that so much. As I look back at those days, yeah – gay dudes didn’t do us any favors because many of them were running around and proudly – and very loudly – telling one and all that they sucked dick and swallowed cum. Sometimes that didn’t go well for them, but it still hurt us guys who sucked dick but weren’t gay because everyone knew that if you were a guy and you sucked dick, that meant you were gay.

Despite this, there was always a guy who knew he could bust a nut in a guy’s mouth and, sometimes, he didn’t have to return the favor; there was always a guy who wanted to know what it was like, what it felt and tasted like to suck a dick and get that mouthful of cum. And there was always a guy like me who was just as ready and eager to suck a dick and get that cum as I was getting the chance to apply my cocksucking skills to eating pussy and vice-versa.

It just was not fun to suck a guy’s dick and he didn’t or couldn’t cum in my mouth. A lot of other guys like me felt the same way. We’d all learned, somewhere along the line, that dicks could be sucked at any time and anywhere and it usually didn’t take a long time to suck a guy off and if there was time, you could suck each other off a second time and depending on where this all went down. Spending the night with a guy was “tailor-made” for night-long cocksucking sessions and more so when we’d learn how to not make a lot of noise doing it and unlike fucking, the only evidence of any “wrongdoing” came with getting a whiff of morning mouth that smelled and tasted like dick and cum… and no one was even interested in letting someone smell their breath.

Unless the guy in question had been eating pussy… and I have no idea what was up with that other than the word on the street was that guys didn’t eat pussy which was a lie for the most part. Even though a guy whose breath smelled like dick could catch a bad break and get tagged as being gay, the fascination with cocksucking and getting one’s mouth creamed was still a thing even when it was forced underground.

Even into my adult years, there was always a guy who wanted to know what it was like to be sucked off by a guy or what it was like to suck a guy off and taste his cum. Always. And there was always a guy on the prowl for any dude who’d be willing to blow him. Gay dudes were being… less demonstrative about their eagerness to get their mouth on a dick and were advertising this eagerness less because they knew they were taking a huge risk of hitting on the wrong guy and getting beaten and, sometimes, brutally so. Indeed, some gay guy avoided guys like me like the plague and I’d learn that, most of the time, it was because they’d be romantically interested in a guy and homey wasn’t feeling any of that; or they’d find out that we were having sex with girls and many of them saw girls as competition and for one of them to find out that I spent most of my time with my dick in a girl’s pussy, well, yeah – you haven’t lived until you have a gay dude cuss you out because you’re not gay like they are.

But the fascination over cocksucking and swallowing cum was still very much at work. A lot of guys I’d come across would be afraid of cum. Really and seriously. It being an acquired taste was always a known thing but I felt that there were a lot of women – and quite a few guys – who was putting it out there how totally nasty cum tasted, it would make guys who were curious about it very damned leery. I even remember jerking off for a guy and licking my fingers clean of my own cum to “prove” to him that my stuff didn’t taste as bad as he was assuming it would; if I did that and knowing that my stuff didn’t taste good, well, I wouldn’t have done it to begin with. I would get into the science of why cum tastes the way it could but that aside, I would find it rough to be sitting with a guy who very much wanted to “acquire the taste” but was just too afraid to because they heard that it tasted very bad.

I’d run into a lot of guys who would want to suck my dick… as long as I didn’t “bust a nut in their head.” They never acquired the taste or, like so many, they believed the hype that it just flat-out tasted nasty. I mean, I really didn’t have issue with swallowing cum because, duh, if homey’s shit tasted nasty, I’d just spit it out when he was done or just let it “dribble” out of my mouth as to not be “bothered” with however badly that first spurt tasted.

It was “easier” to get a guy to suck your dick than it was to get him to swallow your cum… but there were also a great many male cum sluts around and not all of them were gay and there were “a lot” of gay guys who wouldn’t suck a guy off because they learned – and like women had learned – that once a guy busts a nut, if you were looking to get fucked, well, that wasn’t going to happen. A great many guys – and myself included – got “conditioned” by women to not even think about cumming in their mouth; it had the effect of me running into guys who were 100% sure that they couldn’t cum via getting their dick sucked – but they’d want me or some other guy to blow them – and, whew: Those guys could seriously bust a nut! One of the underlying and remaining things from my youth was that if you sucked a guy’s dick and got him off, he was “obligated” to return the favor but, during this period of time, there were too many guys who’d want their dick sucked but weren’t going to suck dick in return… and then they would but only if the guy they sucked would cum in their mouth.

What we knew was that if you couldn’t get a woman to suck you off, a guy would. I would come to understand that this little fact was the basis of guys saying that men sucked cock better than women; it wasn’t that women weren’t master cocksuckers because they could be… but they didn’t want the guy’s cum in their mouth because it belonged in their pussy. In a way, women were indirectly responsible for me being able to suck a lot of dicks and consume a lot of cum and more so when I was running into a lot of guys my age – in the 30-40 range – who wanted to know what it was like to suck cock and get a mouthful of cum. For a lot of them, they wanted to know because, as it would often be revealed, they’d ask a woman or their woman what it was like to suck dick and her saying, “Because it feels good” wasn’t a “good enough” answer so they wanted to find out for themselves and with the understanding that if they sucked a guy’s dick, he was also going to find out if cum really was an acquired taste.

And a lot of the men I’d encounter wanted to know what it tasted like more than I did – and I had acquired the taste a long time ago. On the forum, a question was asked about whether or not the thrill of sucking cock was about doing it or it came when the guy unloaded into your mouth… and the number of guys responding that it was all about feeling homeboy pumping away in their mouth; I had noted the number of guys who have yet to have this experience talk about how badly they wanted to suck cock… so they could taste and consume another man’s seed.

Even in 2022, the fascination remains firmly in place. I run out of toes and fingers when counting the number of times I’ve sucked a guy’s dick… and he didn’t or couldn’t cum. His fault or mine. It just didn’t happen. Both of us totally bummed out about that. Reading what the forum members say about this not happening and not including the members who are “token cocksuckers” because they want that dick – and the cum – in their ass. It’s just that, today, dudes are seriously funny about getting that mouthful and more so than it was when HIV showed up in the 1980s. There was, expectedly, a great decline in dicks getting sucked… until the CDC wrote a report that said that, even then, they was a very small chance of catch HIV via oral sex and had stated the conditions under which it could be possible.

I’d run into guys who loved to suck dick, would take my cum in my mouth but would say that they never liked the taste or feel of it in their mouth and it confused me: Why would you suck a guy off when you knew you didn’t like the taste/feel of cum? What I’d learn was that it was an expectation or perceived to be one. You were just “some kind of fucked up” to be a cocksucker who didn’t swallow and if you didn’t, you could be almost guaranteed that you wouldn’t be sucking dick as much as you wanted and/or needed to do. So, yeah – a lot of guys swallowed because they were expected to.

And you really haven’t lived until you’ve had a guy swallow your cum… then throw it all back up and, usually, all over you. I asked such a guy who barfed all over me why he swallowed it when he knew it was going to make him barf and I was “stunned” to hear him say that he did it because he knew/assumed that I wanted him to and even that he had to. It took “a while” but I was understanding this and a lot of it had to do with the fact that there were a lot of women who wouldn’t suck a guy off even if she had to in order to save her life… but there was always a guy who would and do it without complaining about it.

Sucking and swallowing became… mandatory among men. That got… messy but at the same time, there were more and more men wanting to cum in a guy’s mouth and to get some cum in theirs. I didn’t recognize “submissive male cocksuckers” or saw them as such… but I had more than my “fair share” of guys who wanted to suck me off but weren’t of a mind to have the favor returned. I would, all along the way, ponder just what it was about having a guy bust a nut in your mouth that was still so utterly fascinating and even to guys who weren’t cocksuckers… but now, they very much wanted to be so that they could consume another man’s cum.

I would learn that in some cultures, partaking of a man’s cum was a rite of passage into manhood; I would learn that, in some cultures, there’s some spirituality behind doing this forbidden thing. I didn’t discount it all that much and more so when, sometimes, even I felt like I was having a “religious experience” when a guy started to pump his cum into my mouth and taking every available drop of it. I was very much aware that I had a bias toward this and that it was clouding my perception of this; if I was going to suck your dick, I’m getting that cum and no matter how long it took to get it or what I had to do to get it, up to and including invading a guy’s butt so I could give his prostate “da finger.”

That was me. Didn’t explain why there were still a lot of men who were utterly fascinated about another man’s cum. Indeed, there were times when I sucked a guy to the edge of the abyss and stop sucking him so I could jerk him off… so I could watch him cum then get after it at that point or just leave it alone. I would learn and somewhat understand how and why some guys would actually get mad at me if they couldn’t get me to cum or, yeah, if it took me “too long” to cum. I would learn how very personally some guys would take this; you couldn’t explain to them that you didn’t cum because of being overly sensitized and overstimulated or, sometimes, not stimulated enough and, nope, it wasn’t always the other guy’s fault. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen and no matter how much both guys want it to.

I’ve had guys tell me before the fact that if I don’t cum in their mouth, we’re going to have issues. I understood this because I felt the same way, but it was something new to me to have a guy say this. Upon further review of my own behavior, I could see how unhappy I’d be to have spent x-amount of time sucking a guy’s dick and not get his cum. I would see how I’d reject a guy because, okay, he wanted his dick sucked… but he’d want to give me a facial or otherwise not unload it into my mouth and as I wanted him to… and getting a lesson in how sucking a guy’s dick ain’t always about what I want him to do.

Women. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the “ultimate” test for male cocksuckers is trying to get women to understand why we’d do something that has always been seen as something they own outright. I’ve had them get mad at me because I’d be blunt and say that a lot of guys suck dick because women are just too weird about it and get even more pissed when I tell them what I know about them being weird about it but, yeah, they have reason to… and I know a lot of those reasons because I’ve been subjected to some of the same bullshit they have.

Yep. Try explaining this one. What I learned not to do was to tell a woman that I suck guys off… because it’s “very well known” that women won’t. Yes, I know that not all that true, but it is yet another lesson and example of how perception trumps the truth every time. I have never been with a guy who said they didn’t feel like sucking dick and if I’ve never felt like doing it, you could bet that there was something wrong with me like having a cold and, yeah, maybe even having a headache. Otherwise, the dick is getting sucked and his cum will be consumed… or I’m not going to be happy at all.

And I’m not the only male cocksucker who feels this way. That fascination wore off of me a long time ago and I’m just of a mind that if I suck a dick, getting the cum is just a part of it but I think that I’ve “paid enough dues” to let a guy know that if you’re not going to cum in my mouth, I’m not sucking your dick. I would watch my protege go through being “hilariously weird” about cumming in a guy’s mouth or, gasp, homeboy cumming in his. The taboo nature of it fucks with a lot of guys and, yeah, it remains as some “gay-assed shit” that some guys just can’t get their head around even though they know that (a) they want to be sucked, (b) they want to do some sucking and (c) they very much know what’s going to happen if they suck a guy long enough or in just the right way.

I’m sitting here and thinking about that clip I saw a while ago where a guy was happily sucking dick and you could tell when homey busted a nut because the guys sucking him had this surprised look on his face as well as having chipmunk cheeks that really puffed out. I saw the clip and almost hurt myself laughing and thinking, “Did he not know what was going to happen?”

And then remembering seeing guys get that same look on their face when I’ve cum in their mouth – and I told them I was about to – and they didn’t stop. Seriously, one guy who got surprised actually said that he didn’t think I was going to cum and I remember asking him if he remembered me telling him that I was going to cum and now was the time for him to stop… and he said he did but still got surprised – and with chipmunk cheeks – just the same. He was okay and had said, “I’ve always wanted to know what this was like… and now I know. Can we go again?”

In the community of male cocksuckers, we recognize how addictive it is to suck dick and that it’s not a lot of fun to put forth the effort it takes to get a guy to cum… and he doesn’t give it up. We understand how… fascinating it is to have a guy unloading his balls into our mouth, to sample and even savor the taste and consistency of his cum and I’m not joking when I say a lot of guys refer to taking a guy’s cum like it’s the nectar of the gods. It’s one thing to sit and wonder what it’s like; it’s one thing to watch porn and see dicks being sucked and cum spewed wherever it’s “slated” to go. It’s not uncommon for a guy to ask a gal what it’s like for her to (a) suck dick and (b) get cum in their mouth and some guys get even more curious and fascinated when she can’t really tell him what it’s like but you can bet anything you want to that if she didn’t like doing it, she wouldn’t do it…

But there are always guys who will. Not all of them are gay. There remains a kind of mystique surrounding guys who suck cock and swallow sperm and if you don’t swallow, well, what the hell is wrong with you? The expectation remains firmly in place and like it’s a given. We even base and determine how good a blowjob is on whether or not the guy being blown cums and if he didn’t, the blowjob was bad and even very bad. A forum member asked why it’s so important to (a) cum in a guy’s mouth and/or (b) swallow a guy’s nut… and it’s a question that I can’t answer even though I know what it means to me. The guys who get my attention the most are the ones who want to suck cock and swallow sperm… and they’ve yet to do it. They’re both totally fascinated and afraid at the same time and I’ve seen a lot of reasons given for their fear and reluctance to do the one thing they know they want to do.

Big sigh. There are a lot of people who can’t seem to understand why men – and men who are not gay – suck cock and swallow sperm or what’s so damned fascinating about it. You can see how I’ve written a lot of stuff trying to convey what I know and understand about it… and there’s no easy way to really explain it outside of, “It makes me feel good!” or those guys who are professed cum sluts and insist that their whole purpose in life is to pleasure other men with their mouths and derive so much pleasure from giving him this forbidden pleasure. Again, it’s one thing to know that guys do this; it’s one thing to watch porn and see guys on the receiving end of a load of spunk although, as far as this one goes, it makes me roll my eyes so hard that my head hurts to see a clip of a guy sucking a dick and then the guy being sucked snatched the dick away and jerks off… and while homey is staring up at him with this look on his face and with his mouth wide open and, man, that just pisses me off and more so when it seems like there are a lot of guys who see this crap and believe that this is what it means to suck dick and when you do, getting it in your face or anywhere other than directly into your mouth is the way to suck dick.

Like I told Cityman when we were talking about this, I wouldn’t want to be him if I sucked his dick and he decided to give me a facial because, well, I really don’t know why guys want to do that but what I do know that I will be beyond pissed off and, yes, there was a time when I’d get so pissed that I’d get violent about it. To me, it’s disrespectful and too much like having someone spit in my face and I didn’t spend all this time to entice you to cum and not get it in my mouth so I can swallow it. The fascination with cum remains in force with a growing number of men and, I think, not “totally” because of women not being fans of getting a mouthful of cum.

Some guys are very eager these days to find out what it’s like to suck cock and acquire the taste. There’s the fascination we have but I also think it’s guys understanding that it’s really not a bad reflection on them to want to suck cock and swallow sperm even though there are still a lot of people who’d frown at any man who’d even think about doing such a thing. If they do, they must be gay… and they’re not really trying to hear that you do not have to be gay to (a) want to suck a guy’s dick, (b) be sucked by a guy and, for real, (c) take cum in your mouth and swallow it. Indeed, some guys get… inventive about swallowing it and there are a lot of guys on the forum who would give anything to be able to taste and swallow their own cum.

I very much remember wondering what my stuff tasted like… and to this very day, I have no idea why I wanted to know this. I mean, I knew what other guys’ stuff tasted like so I guess – and I could be wrong – that it’s just “normal” to wonder what your stuff tasted like. I remember lying in bed and jerking the shit out of my dick so I could cum and find out if my stuff really tasted as good as others had said it did. It took a while before I could cum and that was because being so… eager to do this wasn’t allowing me to relax and once I realized this and relaxed, I came, looked at it all over my hand and fingers and just started licking it off and, hmm, okay, my stuff tastes pretty good! I would figure out how to suck my own dick – and it was pretty painful learning how to do that – just so I could find out what it was like to feel my own dick pumping away inside my mouth… and it’s almost indescribable.

It feels familiar and weird at the same time. I know what it’s like to suck dick and have cum blasting into my mouth and I know what it’s like to be sucked and cumming in someone’s mouth but, yeah, something very different to feel these very familiar things at the same time. I thought that I was the only guy who was fascinated with this… then I found that I wasn’t. There are men today who want to suck themselves off and that only tells me that the fascination with cum is still very much alive… but I can’t definitively say why this fascinates us so much other than acknowledging that it does.

One just has to be… adventurous enough to want to find out what it’s like. You’re either going to “acquire the taste” or you won’t. Having me tell you what that’s like for me might be helpful but it really isn’t because, um, it’s me and not you and there’s only one way to find out if sucking cock and getting a mouthful of cum is as fascinating as you think it is. Cityman likes to say that all men should suck dick and I sometimes laugh, not because I don’t disagree with what he said but because I know that there are guys who are, in fact, very fascinated… but can’t bring themselves to find out what it’s like.

Cocksucking and cum swallowing isn’t for everyone. Just the way it is and as it’s always been. There are gay men who don’t suck dick and there are some who will but do not swallow… and so much for that being the truth a lot of people believe it to be. Still, I remain… fascinated over how this still fascinates a lot of men. How it’s so fascinating and scary as fuck all in one package and my thoughts that it’s the unknown quality of this more than being afraid of turning into a gay man or, as some guys assume, catching every STD known to man in their mouth and are of a mind that this will happen to them if they give into the fascination and curiosity that is part and parcel of men sucking each other off.

There. My head (not even a pun) is now emptied of this…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 02 April 22

Being introduced to dick was the next to last step in my sexual awakening with the last one finding out the joys of eating pussy. From there, the “world of sex” was wide open to me, both physically and within all of the possibilities I was now able to get a glimpse of.

One on one sex. Group sex. Just getting all kinds of freaky. Getting to understand that there were sexual things I didn’t care for but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be done while getting inundated with how others perceived having sex. And like 80% of it being explored before I was a teenager. I could legitimately say, by the time I was a legal adult, that if there was a way to have sex that I hadn’t seen or done, it was probably because I hadn’t seen it yet or didn’t want to do it for some reason.

I remember lying in bed and in between my legal wife and my poly wife after yet another night of hot, torrid sex with them and thinking about whether or not I would have been this adventurous when it came to sex if I wasn’t bisexual. Yeah, one of those questions that’s both rhetorical and moot but lying there and thinking about how lucky – or totally fucking insane – I was to be where I was at that moment, the question doesn’t mind being looked at.

I also remember the day when my daughter walked up to me and handed me a “card” and pronounced that I was now and officially a Dirty Old Man. I laughed until I hurt and took the “card” and put it in my wallet but, later that day, I was sitting and thinking that, yeah, I’m a Dirty Old Man… and I wasn’t even old yet. Something to be proud of, I thought, but also something that would have me asking myself, “What the fuck were you think about all those times?”

Well, I was thinking about how much I loved and enjoyed sex. Even the “bad” sex. Because I had had reason to start questioning a lot of stuff about sex, hoo boy, I was, again, being inundated with all which was possible while also seeing – and sometimes falling into – the many pitfalls that exists when people get horny and get to obeying that very primal urge to satisfy an even more primal need.

I remember, back when I was writing erotica and getting paid for it, the editor for the best story I’ve ever written got in touch with me to talk about the sex scenes I’d written and pointed out to me that it’s a given that there’s only so many ways you can put A into B, C, and D and the trick of writing about sex is to be able to make it believable and within the range of human capabilities. She had said that what I’d written wasn’t bad… but it could be better and perhaps I could tap into any experiences I had and use them as a “template” of sorts.

I realized that I had a lot of experiences I could tap into. I not only rewrote the sections she was talking about, I rewrote all of them. I even went back to some other stories I’d already published and rewrote all of the sex scenes from beginning to end and republished them. The reviews were pouring in and with a lot of people asking, “Did that really happen?” Men and women were writing me and telling me how hot the sex scenes were and how they either had sex after reading them or masturbated while they read – and I was surprised to get emails from readers who said that they had never masturbated – or did it and got off – before they read my stories.

One guy wrote and said that he realized that I must have had an incredible sexual history to be able to write in such detail and to be able to make it real and I thought that he wasn’t wrong about that but when he asked if it really happened, I wouldn’t confirm or deny that it did. I did write him back and tell him that I was using my imagination, so he’d have to use his to figure out if what I was writing was fact or fiction.

I never thought or wondered about being a sex addict and, honestly, I have a hard time getting my head around there being such a critter but, apparently, there is. Sex fiend? Eh, maybe but, nah, not so much, well, not after I got to be 16 and moving away from what I call my youthful debauchery and a time that I would come to understand that I’d learned almost everything about sex in that time of my life… and thanks to my awakening as a bisexual.

I’m sitting and writing this and thinking about how people today are saying that they’re awake or they got woke by something… and I tend to laugh at this sentiment and more so when I know and accept that I got woke a damned long time ago and in ways that would make a lot of people have to rush to the bathroom. As I’ve written before, there are times when I look back at those days and it just embarrasses me and/or makes me wonder what the fuck I was thinking about back in those days but, again, that’s a moot point because I know what I was thinking about.

Being able to have sex with both guys and gals was da shit. It still is. Taking taboos and kicking them to the curb; having sex in ways that would make prudes faint dead away. Hearing grownups talking about what not to do and wondering, “Why not?” – then finding the answer and, well, hmm, in the stuff they said to never do, they weren’t exactly right about them at every turn. All of that sex wasn’t just teaching me things about myself, it was teaching me about the people around me, too. They were either wide-awake about having sex or still very much asleep. Men were one way about it and women a totally different way and rarely did the twain truly meet.

I would learn how so many people would let any trauma – real or imagined – steal their joy and need to have sex; I’d be confused at how some people – most people – would go on and on about the past remaining in the past and that whatever one did in their past didn’t matter or even count in the here and now… except when it came to having sex, like having a girl say I couldn’t eat her pussy because someone did before and she didn’t like it and deemed that it was something she’d never like again. I, um, I got lucky enough to change her mind about that but I’d been hearing a lot about this and to the point where I “decided” that if were to keep having sex and enjoying it, whatever past failures I had very much needed to be stuck in the past. Not forgotten but not allowed to influence things in whatever “here and now” I happened to be in.

If the sex wasn’t all that today, it didn’t mean that it would be the same way tomorrow. I… nitpicked it and narrowed it down even further to see and understand that I could have sex with someone like right this very moment and, eh, hmm, not all that pleasing but a couple of hours from now – and with the same person? A whole different story and outcome. I would think that I was overthinking all of this but I’d also see that my bisexuality got my mind stuck on “open” and, my god, there was so much to sex to ponder, question, and explore and that in a lot of situations, the devil was well and truly in the details and not having any sense of attention to detail would often make the difference between sex being da bomb or no better than watching paint dry or grass grow.

People had expectations. Preferences. Huge lists of things they were not ever going to do and very small lists of things they would do. I’d often find myself listening to guys getting on their sexual soapboxes and preaching their gospels and knowing that they weren’t even scratching the surface of that which was possible while understanding that a lot of their… lack of sexual awareness was due to what they were made to believe sex is supposed to be more than anything they’d actually experienced. That or they’d put more emphasis on the hype and the many horror stories that abounded and, yes, allowed their past failures and bad experience influence them and made them static.

A woman once challenged me to do to her everything I knew how to do to a woman. So I did. Um, she didn’t like most of it but I had told her as much. She had asked me how it was possible for me to know some of the shit I’d done to her – and, no, none of it to cause her any harm – and I told her that if I hadn’t done it already, I knew about it. Like, I had read the Kama Sutra. Four times. Man, those Indians were some freaky fuckers! I read probably too many “dirty books” way back in the day and was able to parse out the sex itself from the often unrealistic ways it was happening. I filed it all away for future reference and the possibilities to be able to actually do this sexual stuff and with the one except of that woman I just mentioned, I haven’t tapped into everything I know about having sex.

Threesomes excite or scare people. I find them exciting but, eh, not so much. Not because the sex isn’t amazing but people act very weird when they’re having sex and, more likely than not, are doing every- and anything they can to not be so vulnerable and that’s because they got seriously vulnerable and things didn’t quite go well for them. And the worst part for them was that they weren’t able or willing to let those things go so that they could better enjoy whatever sex they were having.

I would, one day, read this quote: “Don’t let your fears make you foolish.” I don’t remember where I had read this; it got stuck in my head because I was trying to make sense of it and it did take me quite a long time before I could begin to see the sense of it and especially when it came to having sex.

Hmm.

I’d hear guys speaking to their fear of having sex with a guy and, yeah, being rather foolish about it and in that “yeah, but” kind of way that I learned just makes me cray-cray because whatever follows the “but” is rarely a positive thing. It made little sense to me to hear a guy talk about how much he loved having his dick sucked… but would be so fearful over having a guy suck his dick. I would very much understand why a lot of the women I was trying to have sex with would behave the way they did… because I’d experienced a lot of them as well but, unlike them, I didn’t let any bad experiences influence my desire and need to have sex. I do have a list of things I will not do… but it’s a short one. What will I do? Well, that would be anything that’s not on my list of what I won’t do. Why?

Because it’s sex. Being intimate. It’s not without its risks but to fear them, eh, that didn’t make much sense to me. Respect them; be aware of them because a lot of those risks are very damned real. Learn to mitigate them and, when necessary, just avoid them whenever possible. Be smart about it but never fearful.

A woman who was giving me a raft of shit about being bisexual said, “You’ll sleep with anyone!” and I replied, “No, I wouldn’t. Like, I wouldn’t sleep with you.” Oh, she was seriously miffed about that and asked why I wouldn’t – and not like she would let me get anywhere near her goodies – and I said, “You have a seriously shitty attitude that I find not to be all that attractive. The truth is that I wouldn’t let my worst enemy fuck you and I really hate that guy with a passion.”

Hell and brimstone rained down upon me. I knew it was coming and I stood in proof against it because when learning all I could learn about sex and having it, I was also learning a lot of shit about people and some of it wasn’t what I called good – and I wouldn’t call it good today, either. Girlfriend lost her shit and as she did so, I just sat and watched her do it and when she finally ran out of steam all I said was, “All of that you just said and did is the reason why I wouldn’t sleep with you… and probably why no one else wants to.”

A guy was giving me a similar raft of shit because he’d heard that I slept with men and I was all kinds of fucked up and in denial of being gay. He lost his shit, too, and started spouting all of the bullshit rhetoric that I’d heard time and time again and, of couse, it was all about him and him knowing that there was no way he’d ever have sex with a man because it was nasty and it wouldn’t be anywhere near good.

All I said after he wound down was, “How do you know? I’m not sure how you would know but what I do know is that all that shit you said? You’re wrong about it. Your ignorance just amazes me for someone who is, in fact, quite intelligent.”

Now he wanted to fight… but I knew he’d want to. But before any blows were thrown, he wanted to know why I said what I did and I told him: “You are so against such a thing, not because you tried it and just didn’t like it, but because you’ve been conditioned not to like it or anything about it. I asked you how do you know that it was all fucked up and you said a lot of shit about that… but all you proved to me was that you really don’t know – you just know what you’ve been told and what you’ve been told is wrong. You think you know all about sex… and you really don’t.”

“And you do?” he asked.

“Yes, and way more than you do or can… because you let your fears make you foolish,” I said.

“And you don’t?” he asked.

“Obviously not but I learned not to be afraid of sex a long time ago. Sucking a dick doesn’t scare me; being fucked in my ass doesn’t scare me, either, any more than being sucked by a guy and/or fucking him scares me… because I don’t believe the bullshit you just said.”

Sucking his dick – and him sucking mine – was like “sweet revenge.” He got woke up to the reality I’ve always been aware of. Sex is good. With guys and gals. Because it’s supposed to be… unless you’re fearful. Lacking a sense of adventure. Still being bothered by past failures and/or disappointments. My friend and protege, Cityman, calls me a nasty critter…

And I say, “Yep, I sure am!” Because I really am. Not nasty in a bad way but, yeah, I’ll try anything once and do it again just to make sure I either liked it or not… because, why not? Bisexuality woke me the fuck up. The most abnormal sex is not having sex at all. Sex, in and of itself, isn’t bad but people can and do find ways to fuck it up for themselves and for others and, well, occupational hazard time – it is what it’s always been and if you’re more leery than adventurous and even daring, well, ya might not be enjoying sex as much as it could be enjoyed.

It’s so important for me to be able to understand myself in these things. Bisexuality changed my life and in a lot of ways. Lots of sex. Whew. But it’s what I learned about myself and the people around me that brings it all home. People are weird about having sex. I’m not all that weird about it but to them, yep, I am weird because I’ll sleep with men and women and, yeah, sometimes, just for the fun of it… because it’s supposed to be fun.

I had told yet another woman that the difference between me and most other guys is that I’m not all that picky about who I have sex with. If it’s a woman, fine but if it’s a guy, that works, too. And she didn’t seem to be able to understand that and asked why… and my answer was, “Because it’s sex.” People who are very damned sexual get vilified and in that “is that all you ever think about” way that we’ve been mindfucked into thinking. It puzzled me: How can you say that we’re supposed to have sex but turn around and get all pissy or whatever when you run into someone who wants to have sex and as much as they can?

Fascinating stuff and of the kind that I really do believe I wouldn’t know about or have on my mind had I not been awakened to the possibilities and potential that fateful day when I got a dick in my mouth and got hooked on it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 29 March 22

Hot and steamy thoughts of being in the moment. Being bisexual and learning how sex can really be and knowing that it’s different being in the moment with a woman or a man but, nah, “not really” because I learned that I can do similar things with guys that I can do with women but, with men, that really pointed difference being that whatever I can do to him, he can do the same to me.

Of course, newbie bisexual males want to know what it’s like. Yes, a guy can watch all the porn he can get away with but that’s not the same as being in the moment with a guy and exposing each other to the power of a man’s lust. It’s hot. Sometimes incredibly sensual even though it doesn’t “look good” but it’s never been about what looks good: It’s about what feels good and that which can and will make us bust a nut. When Cityman and I talk about being in the moment with a guy, well, it used to get “pornographically difficult” to find a word that best described what it’s like – and we’re both highly educated men. One day we were talking about this and the word “primal” popped into my head and, at least for me, it just worked to describe being in the moment… and it’s not just when having sex with a guy.

It’s different… and it isn’t. I remember being stuck in a “hmm” moment learning about the two sexual roles: Male/dominant and female/submissive. Now “dominant” and “submissive” doesn’t mean what you think it does, well, not so much; it’s not a D/s thing as much as it is the “simplest” way I learned to interpret what I’d read: Someone always has to be “the man,” someone always has to be “the girl…” even if the person being in the moment of being the girl is a guy. And the roles are, in fact, interchangeable. Being a sexually active bisexual, you learn some stuff about this that can make having sex very exciting. I don’t know about anyone else but understanding this has tended to make me think more what than who – but who does factor into things but the what of it all is… primal and I’ve felt it more being with a man and probably because, well, I’m not supposed to have sex with men.

Sucking, fucking, and/or being all wrapped up with each other. That hot, musky scent coming off of both of us; literally getting a face full of that scent with my face buried in his crotch and sucking on his dick. Or being impaled on his dick and feeling… vulnerable and, yeah, that one moment when a guy was really giving me da bizness and I heard him cussing and all that; I could feel the tremors running along his cock that told me that he was “loading up” to cum in me; I felt his dick get longer and thicker in me and as he shot his load into me I thought, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!”

It was quite the weird moment because I was caught up between what was going on in my head about that “fact” and feeling… completed as his dick continued to inject me with his sperm and sperm that was, for all intents and purposes, “going to waste” because getting me pregnant was impossible. It’s been other moments from feeling exhilarated to wondering why I thought it would be a good thing to do this with him and sometimes “just being there;” no particular thoughts or anything like that and kinda like being on autopilot. I got to thinking, one day when this guy and I were blowing each other, that once the “newness” of this wears off, well, it’s not that whatever sex you’re having with a guy is bad or anything like that, but it gets to be “more of the same…” and I know that I’m not saying it right.

At a bit of a high level, we tend to romanticize sex and it makes sense but when it’s two guys doing it, eh, they could be romantically involved with each other but, absent that, it’s just two guys being lusty and as only two guys can be. It is not to say that women can’t be that lusty because they can but it’s a different… feel, for lack of a better word. Going about doing something that’s forbidden and taboo and you know it; you never forget that it is; being excited about “being bad” right along with whatever’s going on that’s going to make the two of us spill our seed and, preferably, somewhere inside each other.

A guy’ll ask, “What’s it really like?” and it is so hard to put that into words. It feels good… and it doesn’t. Sucking dick might look easy but it isn’t and I’ve been in the moment of sucking a guy’s dick and it feels divine and not so much and depending on what he’s doing in concert with what I’m doing. It’s not like I don’t know what it feels like to me because I do; likewise, I know what I’m feeling when I’ve fucked a guy and when I’ve been fucked. It’s feels good and it doesn’t and the feelings go back and forth and get all mixed up and… well, my man, if you really want to know what it’s like, there’s only one way to find out.

On the forum, we sometimes talk about being in the moment and discussing whether it’s really different from having sex with a woman. It is… and it isn’t. Depends on some stuff but I guess the “biggest difference” is that unless girlfriend has some toys that you don’t mind being used on you, you can eat her and fuck her and cream her and it’s all good and it’s not likely that she’s gonna bend you over and do the same thing to you that you just did to her… which is a possibility when being in that moment with another guy.

The… “fear” of it. It’s not really fear but that vulnerability that can be felt when you’re having sex. It’s not just you but it’s him and whatever’s going on with him that’s driving how he’s using his dick or not. Cityman and I were talking about guys who don’t want to use their dick “like they’re supposed to” and how frustrating it can feel knowing that you want this guy to lube up and give you a good fucking… and he just doesn’t. Oh, sure – he might finger you and/or eat your ass but while that might feel good, what would make the sex feel even better would be having his dick in your ass and feeling that frustration can make being in the moment not a whole lot of fun… while being fun at the same time.

I know I’m not really making sense at this point because being able to describe what being in the moment feels like isn’t easy to do. It’s thinking and feeling and sometimes those two factors aren’t on the same page. I think the “mistake” we might tend to make is trying to establish some differences between sex with a man or a woman and then – and really – find ourselves “missing the point” and that’s having sex and being in those moments but, yeah, what makes it different is that he has a dick just like you do; he has that same “pre-programmed” compulsion to have sex and now it’s all about how it’s going to manifest itself and, yeah, not making any real sense here.

If you really wanna know what it’s like, do it. Find out what thoughts and feelings are going to be taking place while being in the moment. From “scary” bad to “scary” good and lots of stuff in between. Exhilarated. Feeling naughty. Lot of feeling vulnerable and being in a situation where you can be “the man” in this and “the girl” as well, you know, depending on how you choose to throw it down. Like, sucking dick can make you feel this. You know that you’re male and a man and, yet, here you are sucking a dick and just like women have sucked your dick. Feeling manly and “bitchy” and you either revel in these conflicting feeling or you don’t or can’t… because you mind could be totally focused on the fact that, again, you shouldn’t be sucking dick and having fun doing it… but you are and, hopefully, he’s going to enjoy what you’re doing so that you can have that wonderful sense of accomplishment when he cums.

Feeling both manly and “bitchy” with his dick in you. Feeling seriously vulnerable and more so if you’re aware of what he’s doing, namely, working toward inseminating you and it does feel wonderful and it doesn’t but, again, those two very different feelings can work for or against that overall wonderful feeling of being in the moment of having sex.

Being on the receiving end of a man’s lust is… primal. It can be comfortable and scary at the same time… and I think if you’re not “thinking” about who’s doing some stuff to your body. Given that, amongst us guys, we have that whole top/bottom thing going on, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on what those roles are supposed to be like and while it’s male/dominant and male/submissive, we seem to have great focus on one guy really being dominant and the guy on the receiving end being really submissive and one is going to feel however they’re going to feel being in the moment…

But if you really want to know how you’re going to feel, there’s only one way to find out and for a lot of guys, that’s the scariest part of this. You get bitch-slapped when you understand that knowing about it and/or seeing it via porn doesn’t help one bit when you’re trying to wrap your head around what it’s going to be and feel like having sex with a guy. We get “instantly disconnected” because we really do believe that it’s very different from having sex with a woman but when you really think about it, eh, it really isn’t except, again, unless she’s, ah, properly equipped in some way, girlfriend isn’t going to bend you over and give it to you like you gave it to her… but the guy you’re with just might do that because what you eventually find out is that while top and bottom are some very defined roles, they don’t much allow for the simple fact that a guy can change his mind.

I think about all the moments I’ve been in with a guy and there’s been so many that they tend to bleed into each other. Stupid good. And not so good. From feeling that “yes, yes, give it to me (or, yes, yes, suck my dick) moment to “I don’t know why I thought this would be a good thing to do” to being “neutral” and just letting homie do what he wants to do and being in the moment is just about… being there. If I have learned nothing about this, I’ve learned a lot about why women behave the way they do having sex. I know what it feels like to be on the other end of a man’s lust and being in the moment can be all that or none of that and it’s not always “his fault” that being in the moment with him is none of that because it’s about what might be going on in my head about what I’m feeling about how he’s having sex with me.

And there’s no telling what the hell that might be. I have taught myself to “focus” on what more than who I’m with but that, too, plays into things… and it all really gets too complicated to put into words so I’m going to stop right here.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 21 March 22

“Motherfucker!” “Danny” yelped out just before he started shoving his dick in and out of my mouth and, a couple of seconds later, he said it again as he started shooting a lot of his hot, kinda spicy stuff into my mouth and if it was possible to grin with (a) a mouthful of dick and (b) a mouthful of jizz, I would have been smiling very broadly and more so when this was the second time in an hour that I’d gotten him to cuss and shoot his stuff into my mouth.

Unlike the first time I made him do it, this time, I seemed to be focused on the feelings of his dick pumping fast and strong and the long squirts that I didn’t have to see to know how much of his jizz was going into my mouth – again – and having to – again – swallow quickly or it would “back up” in my mouth, making it harder to swallow. In the real-time few seconds it took for Danny to finish shooting his stuff, I had the strangest experience.

I was remembering the first time I saw Danny shoot. We had been in his room and talking about girls and other stuff when he pulled his dick out and started playing with it, giving me a look that had me thinking that he was trying to shock me – which it didn’t – and he kinda shrugged and kept playing with his dick until it was hard. It was hard for me to sit there watching him and looking disinterested… because the moment I saw his dick, I was so interested that my mouth was watering.

“You can get your dick out and jerk off with me,” Danny had said and I had thought, “Why not?” and pulled my dick out; because I was looking right at him when I did, I saw the moment when his eyes got kinda big and I almost smiled to understand that there was a very good chance that Danny was like me.

Danny’s dick is soft in my mouth; it felt and tasted good as did the last little dribbles of his stuff tasted. I reluctantly let it fall out of my mouth… and still thinking about us sitting in his room and beating our meat, eyes locked onto each other and grinning like idiots until Danny cursed, his whole body started shaking – and a really long spurt of jizz flew out the head of his dick, went high into the air, and landed on the floor with a ‘plop’ that I’d heard. That first big shot was followed by three more big shots that also plopped onto the floor and I heard myself groan to see all that jizz on the floor and not in my mouth.

Which led to me meeting him at his house the next day and the moment I walked into his room and closed the door, he pulled out his dick and asked, “You want to suck this, don’t you?”

All I could do was nod (and keep from drooling all over myself).

“Good, because I want to suck your cock, too!” he said… and it was on after we literally flipped a coin to see who was going to suck dick first. I “lost” the toss and went over to him as he lay on his bed naked; I took my clothes off and got comfortable between his legs… and started sucking his dick. I immediately “fell in love” with how it felt in my mouth and how it tasted and I got lost in sucking him; it was making me feel really good when he started to fuck into my mouth and also started cussing which gave me the odd thought that he wasn’t good at cussing.

“Son of a bitch!” he cried out that first time and it was all I could to keep up with trying to swallow all of that jizz and thinking that he was shooting more of it today than yesterday. He pulled away from me quickly, shoved me onto my back and started sucking my dick, his head bobbing up and down really fast and sucking me pretty hard and hard enough for an “ow” to escape my lips. He heard it and released a lot of the suction he was applying and settled into slowly sucking and licking my dick until I felt that good and not-so-good feeling that said I was about to shoot my jizz.

“I’m gonna shoot!” I blurted out – I had learned that you had to tell the person sucking your dick that you were gonna shoot; otherwise, they’d get surprised by it and they did not like that kind of surprise. Danny didn’t stop and he did kinda nod that he heard me and a moment later, I shot my stuff into his mouth; I could hear him moaning; I could feel his tongue against my dick as it pumped and how his mouth was moving that told me that he was swallowing my jizz… but those thoughts were more like background noise as I writhed on his bed, fucking my dick into his mouth until I was done shooting and starting to get soft.

“Do me again!” he said after letting my soft dick plop onto my leg. Man, I had a hard time moving to get between his legs again but one look at his dick – which was hard again – was motivation enough. I’d gotten between his legs and only then noticed that he didn’t have much hair – more like “peach fuzz” than anything else. He didn’t have big balls but they were nice and they felt good in my hand when I cupped them just before I lowered my mouth to the head of his dick. It was a nice size – not too big and not too small. The same went for his dick, too, and I could hear myself moaning as I got into sucking him and getting him to cuss and start fucking my mouth when I took all of him into my mouth.

Which lead to him yelling out, “Motherfucker!” and filling my mouth with his hot and spicy jizz and the “weird” moment where time seemed to slow down so I could pay attention to those strong pulses his dick was making so he could shoot all of that jizz into my mouth again.

I’d let him go and now we’re just… there. He hadn’t moved and neither had I; we were looking at each other and grinning when he said, “Wow, man, you are really good at doing this! I knew you were like me!”

“I knew you were like me, too,” I said. “I don’t know how I knew, but I did and I’m glad that you like doing this and just like I do!”

“Do you wanna fuck?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I can right now but let’s rest up a bit first – then we can fuck. Do you have some Vaseline?” I asked.

“Yep!” he said and literally fell out of the bed and stumbled to his dresser; he was digging around in his second drawer for a moment before he said, “Aha!” and showed me his big jar of Vaseline and one that showed that, hmm, he must use a lot of it. I was thinking about my own jar of Vaseline that was hidden in my fourth drawer and under all of the “junk” I kept in that drawer.

Danny and I would get to fucking each other maybe a half and hour later. We flipped a coin again and I “lost” again but that was okay. He’d slathered a lot of sticky Vaseline between my butt cheeks as well as slipping a finger into my hole before climbing onto me and I gasped as his dick slid into me really fast and making me feel like I had to barf. I didn’t and when Danny had asked if I was okay, I told him that I was and he was to go ahead and fuck me. He did, too, alternating between going slow and fast; moaning and telling me how good his dick was feeling in my ass. I could feel his dick “trembling” inside me and experience had taught me that it wouldn’t be long before he’d shoot his jizz – cum – into me.

I remember squirming under him, pushing my ass back against him to encourage him to get deep into me so he could shoot his jizz in me. He had cussed again but I couldn’t make out what he had said and I do remember not really paying much attention to it because I could feel his dick swelling in my ass – then that first shot of jizz; I felt it in me and I groaned and moaned feeling his dick pumping strong and fast while being trapped deep in my ass.

Such a weirdly good feeling. Of course, this wasn’t the first time a guy had fucked me but the thing for me was how good it felt to feel Danny’s cock pumping hard and fast – that guy could really shoot a lot of cum. He pulled out of me – slowly – and the moment he was all the way out, I could feel his jizz starting to flow out of me and that, too, always felt weirdly good, well, it did if the guy shot a lot of cum into me; sometimes they did and it didn’t come oozing back out and like my body absorbed it or something or, more likely, my butthole just closed up after the guy pulled out and his cum was just in there… or something.

Getting all slathered up with Vaseline and sliding my dick into Danny felt good and “bad.” It was like something in my head didn’t want me doing this and would make me feel… queasy. Or “dirty.” Just kinda bad and it was something I was learning to not pay a lot of attention to. In the comparison of dick size, I was longer and fatter than Danny was and as I slid into him, he was letting me know how much I was filling him up and making it hurt really good, which was something that, at the time, I couldn’t quite make sense of but, yeah, I knew what he meant and what he was feeling.

He’s lying under me and muttering, “Fuck me…” over and over and doing so felt so good to me that I didn’t want to stop fucking him but I also knew what was going on with my body. Despite the slipperiness of the Vaseline, Danny’s hole was nice and tight and even a bit “too much” and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I’d feel that great rush of feelings that would explode inside my head as my body pumped my jizz into him. I barely heard him saying, “Give me all of it! Shoot all of it in me!” Even though I’d been shooting jizz for a while now, I still wasn’t quite used to how intense it would feel. Yeah, it still felt like I was “dying” but in a good way.

Once I was done making his butt as messy as he had made mine, we were laughing like idiots as we stumbled into the bathroom and spent quite a bit of time “giggling like girls” as we worked to clean up the messes we made. Once we got all nice and clean, Danny said, “Now we should find some girls to fuck – and I know two girls who won’t say no. I’ll be right back!”

He’d thrown his clothes on and dashed out, leaving me sitting on his bed and still naked. While I waited for him to return – and thinking that he was full of shit about being able to bring back girls we could fuck, which had me laughing to think that if he had been full of something, it definitely wasn’t shit. I was kinda lost in my thoughts about what we’d done and deciding whether I liked us sucking each other or if fucking each other was better; I was so busy working on this that I got the shit scared out of me when Danny burst into his room… with two girls in tow.

One girl saw me naked on the bed and said, “Oh, yeah!” and got naked so fast that I thought that if I hadn’t been looking at her, I never would have known that she had clothes on. Her titties were nice and big and I could see that she had a lot of hair down there as she climbed onto the bed next to me and started kissing me and fondling my dick and balls.

“Do you eat?” she whispered in my ear and while she was licking and jamming her tongue into it.

“Yeah,” I managed to say; she was now sucking on my neck and it was driving me crazy and making me hotter and hornier. She sucked hard on my neck and I could feel a hickey there before she flopped down and spread her legs really wide.

“Eat me,” she said and I don’t even remember moving but there I was, my face in her pussy and smelling her scent and seeing that she was already hot and wet – and, for some reason, remembering what a girl had told me about how I could tell if a girl was hot, wet, and ready because her pussy would be open like a flower… and this girl’s pussy was most definitely open and I could see the head of her clit already poking out.

I don’t remember much after I started eating her; it was like I just blanked out and nothing existed for me except my mouth on her pussy and my tongue going crazy all over it and including sticking it in her as far as I could get it – she liked that but when I sucked on her clit – and what a funny word that was – it would drive her crazy and make her fuck against my mouth, moaning and cussing and, at times, saying, “There, right there, stay there, keep doing that…” and other things that just served to encourage me to keep doing what I was doing.

I had no idea what Danny and the other girl was doing and didn’t until the girl I was eating told me to stop and get it in her and fuck her. It wasn’t until I moved to do this that I saw Danny and the other girl in a 69 and I must have either “said” something or there was a look on my face because the girl I was with said, “We can do that later – now, put it in me!”

I did and I saw the look on her face as I slid easily into her. I didn’t know what to make of that look even when I’d seen girls get the same kind of look but, later for that shit; her pussy felt good around my dick and I could feel her squeezing me with her pussy – and a “trick” I hadn’t known that girls could do until that time I’d had sex with “Cynthia” and she was squeezing my dick so much and so hard that it made me cum. This girl – and I had realized that I didn’t even know her name – was squeezing me but not that hard; she had her legs wrapped around my waist and was grinding beneath me and mumbling about how good it felt and saying, “Yes…” over and over. She would gasp and I’d see the look on her face; it was dreamy or she’d gaps and her eyes would be wide open and like she was surprised or scared or something.

All of this is going through my head as I obeyed her command to fuck her faster and to shoot my cum into her… and my mind seemed to replace jizz with cum and, well, I heard myself cussing as that feeling got strong in me – then everything just went away. One moment, I heard myself saying that I was going to do it and the next thing I remembered was her kissing me and telling me how good I’d made her feel and that she wanted me to make her feel good again.

Danny was fucking the other girl and me and the girl – “Carol” – just sat together and watched him and “Lisa” fuck. I was looking at Lisa and, suddenly, I “knew” what she was feeling with Danny’s dick going in and out of her… and just as he had done to me a little while ago. I was so busy trying to make sense of this “knowing” thing that Carol startled me when she shook me and said for me to lie down so I could eat her pussy while she sucked my cock. As I did as I was told, I was suddenly remembering the first time I’d eaten a girl’s pussy after shooting jizz – now cum – into her. Man, that first time? I had had a great urge to throw up but once I got my mouth on her and started licking and sucking, hmm, my stuff tasted pretty good and combined with how her pussy tasted.

Interesting! I had added this to my list of favorite things to do so when Carol lowered her pussy onto my face, it didn’t bother me one bit that I was tasting my cum right along with all the other delicious flavors I found as I licked and sucked her while moaning and fucking my dick into her mouth as she sucked me. She did stop long enough to tell me not to cum in her mouth because she wanted me to cum in her again. Fine by me but I was thinking that, hmm, I might not be able to cum any more.

Carol got on top of me, used a hand to get me in the right place, and sat right down on me. “Jesus Christ…” she said – and with that look on her face again. She smiled at me, leaned down to kiss me, then got a serious look on her face as she started to ride my dick; I found that to be so exciting it wasn’t funny since most of the girls I fucked didn’t do it like this so this was a special “treat” for me. My dick felt really huge inside of her as she moved on me. She’d lean down to either kiss me or to stuff a nipple into my mouth – and I had been having a good time fondling her breasts and playing with her nipples that were so hard the skin around them was really wrinkled.

“You feel good in me,” she said.

“You feel good, too,” I said and feeling… stupid for some reason. Somewhere behind us on Danny’s rather large bed, Danny and Lisa were going for it big time; now Lisa was on her stomach and Danny had this really serious look on his face as he fucked her.

“Lemme move,” Carol said. I had been still messing with her titties so I stopped; she climbed off of me and had a bit of a hard time moving because Danny and Lisa were right behind her. She got onto her knees and, honestly, I almost shot my cum right then and there because, again, most of the girls I’d been fucking always wanted to be on their back.

“Hurry up and put it back in,” Carol said; she sounded like she was mad at me or something but I scrambled to get behind her. She reached back and put me right against her pussy and I slid right back in, making both of us gasp. As I fucked her – and, damn, it felt even better than the first time – I was thinking that, okay, I’d cum three times already and that was my “limit” but, well, I still didn’t know if I could cum again but as long as my dick was hard, I was going to keep fucking Carol just the same.

We’d eventually wind up doing it “the usual way” and I was having a hard time moving because not only did she have her legs wrapped tightly around me, she had pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around me, too. I could only do short strokes but she seemed to like that. She moaned. She cussed. I could barely move but that didn’t seem to stop her from being able to move under me. She started sucking on my neck and hard enough that it hurt… but it felt good, too, and, um, shit, it suddenly felt too good.

“Shit, shit, shit,” I cursed. “I’m gonna cum!” As the “pressure” built up inside of me, my brain was “tasting” the word “cum” and found it to its liking, I guess. I didn’t know or care. Carol had let go of me enough so I could fuck her harder and faster and as she was telling me to do and… the world went away again for me. The only thing I was aware of was my dick pumping and her pussy gripping me. I couldn’t breathe; my heart was pounding in my chest and I could “hear” it in my ears. Oh, my god, this was feeling good and bad at the same time. I collapsed onto Carol, breathing so hard I felt like I was going to pass out; she held me and was kissing my face and telling me that I had made her happy because I’d fucked her really good.

I wanted to go to sleep. I was so tired! My whole body was aching as I pulled out of Carol and the world started to spin when I sat up. Danny and Lisa were lying next to each other, and I had noticed that Lisa had a lot of Danny’s cum flowing out of her.

Carol said to Lisa, “You need to try this one – he’s really good!”

Lisa said, “Oh, yeah – I can’t wait!”

What? I was actually scared for a moment when Carol moved to be next to Danny… and now I’m looking at a grinning Lisa, who stopped long enough to say to me, “I think I’m gonna love it when you eat my pussy…”

Oh, shit! I mean, sure, I think I had enough energy left to eat Lisa and a part of me was looking forward to finding out what her pussy tasted like with Danny’s cum still oozing out of her… and a part of me was saying, “Are you kidding me? You know you can’t handle any more of this!”

I did know that but Lisa was lowering her pussy onto my face and, at the same time, I felt her mouth close around my dick which now felt really small. No way I was getting hard again. I was hoping that she wouldn’t be mad if all I could do was eat her pussy so to “make up” for not being able to get hard again, I attacked her pussy with a frenzy. She tasted different than Carol had; her clit wasn’t like Carol’s but it was hard… and like my dick was getting.

What? How was that even possible? I knew I was hard but I also felt… numb. It was crazy! Lisa’s grinding her pussy onto my face and starting to smother me; I had to reach up and spread her butt cheeks apart so I could breathe and then I heard her say, “Stick a finger in there!” So I did – and she went berserk! I had no idea what the hell was going on other than she was beating my face up with her pussy and with my finger in her ass. She cried out and, holy shit – I could feel her clit pumping in my mouth as I sucked and licked it – and just like a dick would do!

Well, who knew? I sure as fuck didn’t but I didn’t have a lot of time to ponder this new thing I’d found out about girls because Lisa moved to get on top of me and stuffed my dick into her… and I could swear that it got bigger and harder.

I was so tired. My body felt like I’d been in a judo contest – everything was hurting or aching but none of it really seemed to matter as Lisa ground her pussy onto my dick and talking about how big and how good my dick felt in her and, shit, I was on the verge of passing out or something; all I could do was lie there as Lisa bounced up and down and all around on me and I felt like someone had hit me in the head with a brick when I started to cum.

“Shit! Shit! Oh, damn, oh, damn!” Lisa was cussing and grinding and I didn’t know what the fuck was going on because it felt like I was shooting… but it didn’t feel like I was. I guess it didn’t matter if I really was or not to Lisa because she was now sucking hard on my neck and still grinding her pussy on me and the next thing I knew, Danny was talking to me and asking me if I was okay.

And I was. Well, I was “awake” again. Did I pass out? It didn’t seem to me that Danny, Carol, or Lisa were worried about me but they were all smiling so I guessed that I just blanked out for a bit of time… or something. And Lisa was asking me if I could eat her and Carol one more time.

I did my best. They were sucking on my dick but I wasn’t getting hard and it didn’t feel like I had a dick to begin with. Danny surprised both of them by taking a turn sucking me as I was sucking and tonguing Carol’s clit and, well, the girls were happy, Danny was happy… and I wanted to take a nap so bad it wasn’t funny. We all managed to get out of bed and I was worried about not being able to stand up without falling back down again. I had had a lot of sex with others but it was nothing like what I had experienced this day. As I tried to wash my face and stuff, I was remembering my father coming home from work and talking about being “bone tired” and not understanding what that meant.

I knew what it meant now. Even though I was back to thinking clearly, my body hurt but in a good way… I think. My neck was hurting and when I got to look in the bathroom mirror, holy shit! I had hickeys all over my neck! Big ones, too! And I was wearing a T-shirt that wasn’t going to do shit about hiding my neck! I forgot about how tired I was and how much I was aching because I was now thinking about what my parents were going to say when they saw my neck.

The four of us got finished in the bathroom and spent some time finding our clothes; I had to stop Danny because he was about to put my underwear on and I knew they were mine because they had my initials inked onto them – something that had to be done when I went to summer camp. We got dressed, spent some time kissing both girls and they left to do whatever girls did after they had sex, leaving me and Danny to just stand there and look at each other.

“That was amazing, wasn’t it?” he asked.

“It sure as hell was,” I agreed but with less “enthusiasm” as he had asked the question.

“I like that we’re the same,” he said, putting his hand softly on my face and making me wonder if he was going to kiss me.

“I like that, too. Man, this has been one hell of a day!” I said. I really wanted and need to lie down and go to sleep and groaned to myself thinking that it would take me about twenty minutes to ride my bike back home… and having to deal with a couple of hills, too. Shit. By the time I’d get home, I’d be even more tired and hurting than I already was. I felt so… numb that I couldn’t feel my dick in my pants and I was tempted to look to see if I really did have it. But my biggest concern was going home… then Danny gave me something else to think about when he asked, “What are you doing tomorrow? I’m sure I can get Carol and Lisa to come over so we can do all of this all over again!”

What? Oh, hell no! I opened my mouth to say exactly that… and heard myself saying that I wasn’t doing anything tomorrow and if we could do all of this again, that would be okay with me. Well, provided I didn’t get grounded. We agreed that if I didn’t get grounded, I’d come over tomorrow at the same time – and when his parents were working – and he guaranteed that the girls would be there and it would be fun for all of us.

As I was peddling my way home, I was thinking about my day with Danny and then Carol and Lisa; it had all been a lot of fun having sex with them and actually looking forward to more of the same tomorrow but the closer I got to home, the more I was getting worried about the evidence on my neck and getting grounded for it. Why, oh, why didn’t I wear a shirt with a collar? Hey, maybe I can get into the house without my parents seeing me? Nah, that wasn’t going to work because I’d get home just before dinner and my parents and my siblings would and could see me. Shit. Shit, shit, shit!

I get home and bring my bike inside. My mom hears me and comes out of the kitchen, sees me, speaks to me – and I to her – and just when I thought I could make it to my room – and to put on a shirt with a collar that might hide the hickeys on my neck, well, that didn’t happen because the moment I started to move toward the stairs my mom said, “Come here.”

Oh, fuck me! I walked over to her like a man on death row; all holy hell was about to descend upon me and it was going to be bad. My mom grabbed my chin and I almost resisted her turning my head from side to side and getting a very good look at my neck. She let go of my chin, took a small step back – and I thought, “Here it comes…” and as my life started to flash before my eyes, my mom… started laughing. Then, to make matters worse, she called my father and said, “Hey – come take a look at your son!”

Here comes dad and I had a very sudden urge to pee. He exchanged a look with mom, then looked at me; he grabbed my chin pretty hard and jerked my head from side to side, stepped back, looked at me… and smiled, saying, “Well, we know what you’ve been doing, don’t we?”

I wanted to disappear. Go hide under a rock or be anywhere other than where I was. My parents are giving me a look I couldn’t make sense of; behind me, my siblings are laughing their asses off and talking about how I was about to get my behind beat and how funny it would be to watch it. My legs were trembling and I was about two seconds away from peeing on myself. My parents were looking at each other and like they were talking to each other without talking… then they both looked at me. My father kinda smiled and nodded and walked away and I thought that he had decided to let my mother punish me and that scared me more than him administering the punishment.

But my mom said, “Go wash your hand for dinner…” while trying not to laugh as she said it. As I got my feet to move so I could go upstairs, she said, “Next time, don’t let a girl do that – it gives the wrong impression.”

I had these thoughts today because I had to get up early for a telephone appointment with the people who are now monitoring me about my kidneys and my having PKD. I woke up… bone tired and my brain just plugged this hallmark memory in and played it for me and I just had to write about it. My bisexuality was put on full display that day and my limits were severely tested and like they’d never been tested before even though this wasn’t the first time I’d had sex like this.

My fourteen-year-old self got pushed to the limit and way beyond it. Danny had even called later to (1) confirm that the four of us would be on tomorrow provided I hadn’t been grounded and (2) to tell me how much the girls enjoyed me and especially how I ate their pussies and that (3) they were eager to see me and him suck each other off.

I told him that I hadn’t gotten grounded – yet; my parents were good at letting us think that we weren’t going to be punished… and hitting us with some kind of punishment when we didn’t expect it. My mom didn’t say or do anything; my father, well, he’d look at me and just shake his head but he also had a look on his face that suggested that he was “proud” of me or something like that.

“Boy, I don’t know about you,” he had said – and that’s all he said.

Yes, I did go over to Danny’s the next day. Yes, the four of us got very much into it again and Danny and I even got treated to watching Carol and Lisa eat each other’s pussies. Yes, we wore each other out but it wasn’t as bad for me as it had been the day before. We talked about being bisexual. How good and right it felt to be bisexual and, yeah, how much fun it was to be bisexual and getting laid that way. They all laughed at me when I mentioned the word “cum” and even more so when I had also admitted that I’d never heard the word before yesterday. We used that time to talk about being bisexuals so we could catch our breaths… so we could do it all again and before we’d have to head on home.

I didn’t get any new hickeys but I gained a better knowledge and understanding about being bisexual… and myself, too. I knew that people made fun of anyone who was “suspected” of going both ways but I knew they had no idea how… satisfying it could be to be able to go both ways and especially when you got to do it the way Danny, Carol, Lisa, and I had done it for three straight days. My horizons continued to expand and new limits set on how much sex I could take before my body would just refuse to have anything to do with having sex. The girls were, wow, insatiable. Danny got pushed to and beyond his limits as well and it would be something we talked about on the phone for a few hours.

It was incredibly nice to be bisexual and those three days proved it “once and for all” for me. The sex was beyond amazing but I’d later come to realize that the sheer intimacy we all displayed with each other was just as good and better than the sex we had.

See you tomorrow. There’s no telling what will be on my mind.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 07 March 22

My brain took yet another trip in the time machine and had me thinking about “Donny,” who was a few months older than I was and not always a nice person. He was the first person I ever had a fight with and he’s getting ready to beat me up – and with a lot of the other kids watching and instigating – when my father asked, “Who are you more afraid of – him… or me?” The message was clear; if I didn’t stand up to Donny, I’d have to answer to him and, suddenly, I wasn’t all that afraid of Donny.

I’d bent down and pulled a brick out of the sidewalk – and while Donny was preening before the crowd and not paying attention to me – and commenced to wearing his ass out with it. Tears streaming down my face the whole time and it’s amazing what fear can do for you when you channel it properly. Those old dudes, who hung out in front of the apartment building, were content to watch a “fair” fight but I guess I’d started using the brick with such sudden violence that they were shocked into inaction and the next thing I remember was hearing my father, who I guess got called back outside, telling me to drop the brick and that the fight was over.

Donny’s father, who I also guessed got called out, was there and the two fathers stared each other down. Once it was explained that Donny started the fight and for no reason and I was defending myself, Donny’s very scary father yoked him up, ignored the blood flowing from some of the cuts where the brick had hit him, and beat his ass all the way back home after a few words to my father and making Donny apologize for starting the fight.

We weren’t the best of friends after that day but we were friends enough and he was usually the guy, when we’d be sitting around trying to figure out what we could do, who’d suggest that the lot of us go somewhere and do it to each other. He was the guy who showed me how to jerk off, too. He was popular with the girls because he was quite good-looking and had nice hair – very important! He could charm most of the girls right out of their panties and while he was still enough of an asshole that the rest of us never accepted him as our “leader,” we did learn a lot of stuff from him like how to do stuff… and what not to do.

Sometimes, he’d collect me and we’d go looking for a couple of the Hot in The Ass girls, take them to a hideout, and spend time having sex with them and each other. His dick was a bit bigger than mine – which the Hot in the Ass gang really liked about him but I thought he still had some animosity toward me because I whupped his ass with a brick and I had started shooting jizz like almost three years before he did, which shifted most of the attention from him to me.

One day, it was just the two of us and, not unexpected, he said that we should go do it to each other while waiting for other guys to come out and I was all for it (of course). One of the things I learned about myself early on was that when a guy was doing it to me in the missionary position, it always made my hips hurt something fierce and, well, everyone knew that so when we’d do it, the missionary position wasn’t even an option. Well, Donny and I get naked, spent some time sucking each other’s dick and I’d volunteered to be fucked first. I didn’t like him all that much but I had admitted that I liked his dick. Before I could lie down on my belly, he kinda pushed me onto my back and scrambled between my legs and shoved his dick right on into (with the help of the usually stolen Vaseline we kept hidden in various places). Ah… it felt good going in but he got it into his head to get my legs over his shoulders, which put my hips into the position that was causing me a whole lot of discomfort. I was pissed because he knew I didn’t like having it done to me like this and I told him to stop… and he just grinned and kept fucking me and doing his best to fold me up like a pretzel so I did the only thing I could think of:

I punched him dead in the face. He jumped up and checked his nose for blood while yelping, “What the fuck was that for?” Yeah… he could cuss better than any of us and I’m thinking, “Uh-oh…” because we hadn’t had a fight after that first one but we all knew of his very nasty temper and, shit, he’s gonna beat me up and I had the odd thought that there were no loose bricks where we were. Still, I told him why I had punched him… and he actually apologized. He waiting until I got onto my stomach before getting on top of me and continued to fuck me until he yelped that he was gonna do it – cum – and shot the “usual whole of stuff” into my butt.

He pulled out and as I slathered some Vaseline on my dick, he laid down – in the missionary position – and spread his legs wide and high… and with this look on his face that I felt said that he was better than me because he could have it done to him in this position and it didn’t bother him like it did me. I slide into him and screw him until I shot my jizz and I’d pulled out and turned to look for my underwear; when I turned back toward him, um, he punched me in the face!

“Now we’re even,” he said. The punch startled me more than it had hurt me and, really, I had all but forgotten that I had, in fact, punched him in the face first. Well, we got to wrassling and, um, somehow, our dicks kept winding up in each other’s butt, you know, accidently-like. He was strong but I had been studying judo and was surprisingly good at it so our wrassling got even more interesting since I could use his greater strength against him and, well, I think my dick accidently found its way into his butt than his found its way into mine and, well, you know, since it was in there, might as well let loose some jizz…

One of the other things I learned from him – and by watching him – was being able to go from having a sex with one of the guys and turning right around and doing it to one of the Hot in the Ass girls without having to really “think” about it. Indeed, we’d had spent a couple of hours with each other, went home to clean our butts, met back outside, and went right back to the hideout with two of the girls who were actively looking for a couple of guys to do it to them a few times. Later in life, I’d look back at those moments and saw that while I had to think about how to do it to a girl after having done it to a boy, Donny could “make the switch” and as smooth and as slick as his hair usually was.

As the lot of us delved into sex and being bisexual, I’d have to say that Donny was a “bad influence” on a lot of us but bad in a good way. He didn’t like finding out that I had been “licking the kitty” before he had done it because, just like it had when I started shooting sperm way before he did, my willingness and eagerness to lick girls’ kitties shifted their attention from him to me. We wouldn’t fight over it but I was noticing that whenever we did it to each other, he’d try to make it hurt by really slamming his dick into me and, I guess, trying to make me cry out in pain or “beg” him to stop because it was hurting.

Okay, some stuff about that. Donny’s dick was a half-inch longer than mine but I had more girth than his skinny dick. The first time he took his anger out of me, yeah, it did hurt and he had me walking funny afterward… and I had to take some ribbing from the guys about it, too. I didn’t do anything to stop him because while it did hurt, it didn’t hurt so much that I felt the need to make him stop. The other thing about this was that I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he was really bothering me with how hard he’d fuck me and I’d gotten used to it after the second time he tried to beat me up with his dick. I thought that he was disappointed that I wasn’t reacting the way he thought I would because he’d get done with me and I’d tell him how good it was… because, to me, it was good. The one thing I knew I could always count on was having really good sex with Donny and I guessed that after the third time he tried to beat me up with his dick and all I did was moan and tell him to keep going because it felt good, he gave up trying to “punish” me for being able to take girls’ attention off of him.

And, um, he didn’t quite like it when I got brave and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I felt that my chances were good if he decided that he wanted to fight about it. He was taller and stronger but, again, I was learning how to use those things against people and, along with judo, I was also learning karate. Yeah, my chances were pretty good and it felt good to pound his ass good and hard and like he’d been doing to me. I’d guess that, like him, I was… disappointed because he never complained that I was doing it too hard and even more disappointed that he took being made to walk funny better than any of the rest of us could or did. Shit, he wore it like a badge of honor and I had, indeed, learned something from him about that. Was it funny as hell to see a guy walking funny? It sure was! But what it really meant was that the guy who made you walk funny did it to you really, really good and, yeah, that was something to be proud of and as silly as that might sound.

Donny and I wouldn’t have “heart to heart” talks with each other. We were friends, almost on the edge of being enemies but it would strangely make me feel good whenever he’d tell me that when it came to doing it with a boy, I was his favorite guy to do it with. He never explained why he felt that way and I had never bothered to ask but I’d later think that it was a combination of things and beginning with that fact that I wasn’t afraid of him any longer. Again, we wouldn’t fight but when we’d have sex, yeah, he’d lay it on me pretty damned good and I’d turn around and lay it on him, too. Yeah… we made each other walk funny quite a bit. He didn’t like that a lot of the guys told him that I sucked dick better than he did, not that he was bad, mind you, but he was… aggressive about it. Rough with it. He’d suck me and sometimes I did have to ask him to ease up a little and be careful with his teeth and he’d ease up but not so much when it came to how aggressive he’d suck me or, really, anyone else.

The Hot in the Ass gang let it be known that I could lick the kitty better than he could because he was too rough when he did it or he’d stop before making it feel really, really good to them where I was gentle and was learning to stay down there and keep licking the kitty until the girl said that she couldn’t take anymore licking. Donny, I guess, had reasons to hold grudges against me and I would always wonder why he was the way he was. I knew his dad was hard on him – that dude was scary as fuck. Whenever he wanted Donny when he was outside, he had this whistle that could be heard blocks away and Donny knew that when he heard it, that meant that he’d better stop whatever he was doing and see what his father wanted… or else. Shit, his dad would whistle and when Donny would haul ass to respond, sometimes, we went with him since our parents would often ask the man to whistle to get our attention.

Yeah… the village was all about doing their part to keep our asses in line… well, as best as they could considering all the sex stuff we were doing and thinking we were getting away with it. Donny’s father had said to me, “I know what you boys are doing with each other. Y’all better not let me catch you!” He’s telling me this and I had a very sudden urge to pee and I was surprised that I didn’t pee myself. Much later, I’d think about this specific moment and thought that if he knew what we were doing, um, how come he and the other parents weren’t kicking our asses and more so when none of the adults had a problem with catching us doing something we shouldn’t have been doing, beating our asses (if required), taking us home, ratting on us, and now we’re getting our asses beaten again or getting grounded or even getting our allowance garnished.

Which made it a great imperative for us to not get caught having sex. Period. Donny, it seemed, didn’t care if he got caught or not, like, he had gotten caught fucking a guy from a couple of blocks outside of our immediate neighborhood and his dad, wow. You could hear him yelling and cursing like he was standing next to you, and we didn’t have to see Donny to know that once the yelling stopped, he was getting his ass kicked. Again, if Donny didn’t teach us anything, he taught us how important it was to never get caught and not get caught by Donny’s dad. He had given me a single slap on my ass for dropping a piece of paper on the ground and not picking it up… and that one whack hurt like you wouldn’t believe.

Donny served his grounding sentence for getting caught and he confirmed that he’d gotten his ass kicked pretty good – hey, does any wanna do it? I had to give it to him – he had some serious nerve. It was, in a way, impressive in that he obviously wasn’t letting the punishment he suffered stop him from having sex the way he wanted to but, on the other hand, I thought it was crazy to have gotten beaten as badly as he said he did and decide to keep right on doing what he got caught and punished for doing. I felt that if I had gotten caught and got punished like he did, shit, the last thing I’d want to do was to do it with a boy.

It was like his punishment didn’t faze him one bit. I had asked him why he would want to do it and knowing what would happen if he got caught again and he said, “Why not? It ain’t like my old man hasn’t whupped my ass before so I figure that if he’s gonna whup my ass, I might as well keep on doing it.”

And we went off to do it. It was good. No playing “revenge” games or the two of us trying to beat each other up with our dicks; if getting busted and punished did anything, it changed the way he did it with us and that, we all thought, was a good thing. Oh, he was still arrogant and cocky but when we’d be naked with him, he was a different person.

I lost contact with him after my family moved and going back to the old neighborhood had revealed that his family had moved a few days after mine did but I hadn’t known that because my family had moved while I was away at camp. Indeed, it would be almost twenty years before I saw him again although there were rumors that he had turned seriously bad and had spent time in prison which, truth be told, didn’t surprise me a whole lot if those rumors were true – and they probably were. When I saw him, the first thing I thought was, shit – he’s still good-looking and his hair was still good and wavy, damn it. We spent some time catching up and I found that he did do some prison time but he had waved that off like it was no big deal… and then, not unexpectedly, he said, “Hey, do you remember how we used to fuck like rabbits?”

“Yeah, we were all up in all of it,” I said. “We did some crazy shit back then, didn’t we?”

He agreed that we did and how much fun it was and, yes, he did ask me if I was still going both ways and I told him that I was because I didn’t see any reason to stop being that way. Well, we wound up going inside his place and getting our dicks out to suck and he pointed out that his dick was still a bit longer than mine but mine was fatter. For the first time ever, he opened up about how he felt about us having sex and how he gained a lot of respect for me because I had stopped being afraid of him and wouldn’t take any shit off of him. We got to blowing each other and I can’t say that it was familiar because this adult version of him was very different than the guy I’d grown up with… but he was better at sucking dick but still quite intense instead of being aggressive.

“I forgot how good we were with each other,” he’d said after we’d immediately went right to a second time. “You were always good at sucking my dick.”

I just smiled at him and in a way that I had hoped he’d pick up on because one of the reasons why I was smiling was because of the many times he gagged on my dick while trying to copy the way I was deep throating him. Yeah, I know – that was quite petty of me. We didn’t have much else to say to each other and we promised to stay in touch and I went on about my business.

I haven’t seen or heard anything about him since. None of our childhood friends who were still around hadn’t heard anything about him, either. I don’t usually think about him like I found myself doing; he was one of the guys who, like me, were bisexual early on and I was also thinking that I didn’t know how he got into having sex with guys but assumed that he could have gotten introduced somewhere along the line and found it to his liking and as many of us had found this to be the cat’s pajamas. When a new guy wanted to join our “club,” he was pretty good at easing the new guy’s fears about doing it despite his “normal” bad boy exterior and behaviors. Then again, he was always good at getting guys and gals to get naked with him; he was a very charming devil and, again, he unintentionally taught a lot of us – myself included – how to be that charming.

He was a good person to have sex with… but, deep down inside, he wasn’t that good of a person. You just sensed this about him but if he didn’t have a reason to be pissed off with you, he was, for the most part, okay. He’d gotten a bit of a bad rep with the Hot in the Ass girls, from what I’d hear them say, and there was a moment where they all had “cut him off” and while that bothered him, he knew that he hung out with a group of guys who wouldn’t mind having sex with him. Oh, he’d be mad about the Hot in the Ass girls turning him down and he was quite vocal about it. As far as this goes, he taught me to not be all that bothered when a girl turned me down for sex; it didn’t feel good but, yeah, getting mad about it really didn’t make any sense and, besides, a girl that turned me down today would say okay tomorrow even if all she wanted was for me to eat her pussy.

Sure – I’d love to! Overall, the lot of us explored a lot of sex with each other. We all had a “backstory” that we were all aware of but didn’t talk about a whole lot, but it didn’t make a difference when we’d get horny and want to do something to stop being horny. Donny was just… different. Like the rest of us in a lot of ways but… different. There was a darkness about him and a mean streak that would often show up when he’d have sex with someone; apparently, I wasn’t the only guy he’d found reason to beat up with his dick and he probably took a lot of satisfaction making some of the other guys tap out but, like I said, I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction or feed into whatever he was pissed off about.

He never tried to screw me in the missionary position again. Oh, he’d act like he was gonna try it… but then he’d smile that devilish smile he had when he would be jerking someone’s chain, but I felt that he also knew that if he tried it, I was going to punch him in the face again.

Ah, the good old days. Being young and discovering bisexuality is quite different from being older and discovering it and that’s beyond this being obvious. We knew the rules… and we disobeyed them and at every turn and in ways that, when I think about them, just makes me shake my head at the level of sheer debauchery we were capable of. We learned from each other and, for the most part, we were both adventurous and fearless and, importantly, our young heads had yet to be filled with all the stuff that being an adult winds up getting jammed in there. Sure, us boys knew we had no business having sex with each other and would often mention it… then go do it anyway.

For myself, all of this was answering some questions while creating even more questions that needed to be answered and to question the things that I was told never to question even if it would get me into trouble – and it usually did. I’d get teased about being so nerdy and like that was a bad thing but, today, I’m glad that I’m a nerd because it has helped me understand myself and my bisexuality and, importantly, to be comfortable with it. I learned by doing but I also learned from Donny and the gang, too; I’d see the mistakes they’d make and, well, I hope I don’t make them since making certain mistakes would guarantee that you weren’t going to be able to have sex with someone – and I very much wanted to.

I kept learning. I’m still learning. We look at being young and having sex like this as a bad thing both then and now when it’s only bad when it’s made to be bad. I go on the forum and read what the guys who also got started young say about those moments in their lives and I don’t find anything unusual about it because I learned that it’s not unusual for boys to find out about sex – and get to having it with each other – and as our moral sensibilities says it shouldn’t ever happen. I’d learn that some of my male friends did very well with girls… because they learned to have sex with us first. They say it’s experimentation and I get why they’d call it that but I’m still of a mind that we weren’t experimenting as much as we were exploring what was possible and what wasn’t… and, together, we learned that there weren’t too many things that weren’t possible.

All any of us had to do was to want to give it a try or two… or ten or twenty. While I learned that a lot of guys who got started early tended to carry a lot of shame about it, eh, I also learned that there was really nothing to be ashamed of. I remember doing it to Donny one hot and sunny afternoon and as I busied myself screwing him, he asked me if I ever felt bad about doing it with a boy. The question made me stop and think about it and I’d said that, yeah, it made me feel bad but it didn’t make me feel bad.

He’d just said, “Oh, okay…” and the sex continued. His question had me thinking about it for a few days. I knew what I was doing with the fellas was bad but, yeah, it sure felt good, too. I would “decide” to not feel bad about doing it with a boy; I should feel bad and I did… kind of… but, nah, not really all that much. It felt good and that was the important thing and, yeah, even with Donny and he was in one of his moods.

Wasn’t going to worry about the things that, as an adult, I should have been very worried about… but therein lies the difference, methinks. An adult male contemplating having sex with another guy will be very worried about a great many things… but things that, when you’re young and hormone-crazed, you just didn’t have to worry about – yet. All we worried about (but not really) was getting caught – we all remembered the ass-kicking Donny had gotten when he got caught. And while that event was enough to make some of the guys stop having sex with the rest of us, eh, kid logic suggested that the best way to avoid a major ass-kicking was to not get caught and not just running away from having sex with boys.

Because it was so much fun. Again, we never lost or really ignored our awareness of the wrongness we were having so much fun with; today, I find myself laughing to remember the many times a guy would be happily screwing me and I’m enjoying the hell out of it and he’d say, “You know we shouldn’t be doing this and we should stop.”

And I’d say, “Yeah, I know – do you wanna stop?”

And he’d say, “Nah!” and I’d rejoice in feeling him cumming inside of me and like I would do to a girl and then take my turn doing the same thing to him.

I share stuff like this because when considering male bisexuality, it’s not enough to know what guys can do to each other but why they’d want to do it in the first place. And some of the why of things is pretty… gritty when looking at it from an adult point of view… but it was whatever it was. Just more of boys being boys and that we’re expected to be boys – and even in this way – but, yeah, sure, if we didn’t, that’s a good thing just as doing it and walking away from it and never looking back.

Yeah, no… I wasn’t of a mind to walk away and act like none of it ever happened. It did. Oh, boy, did it ever! I was quite the slut, and it became something that bothered me and that I had to wrap my head around and it took me a long time to be able to do that and accept that, yep, I was slutty when it came to getting some dick and, for the most part, I had fun – and learned so much about myself – being slutty and wanting to get some dick alongside wanting to get all of the pussy I could, too. Not one or the other: Both.

Sigh. I’d tell select people about my very sexual childhood and they either get to feeling some kind of way about it or they’d say that they wished that they had grown up with me; I’d tell them that if they had, they would have had no regrets about it… because we had none. Almost 100% guilt-free and little or no shame. We should have been seriously ashamed, and we knew it… and we just weren’t.

Another deep sigh. I still don’t quite know why I started thinking about Donny. I can remember that he was the first of us to figure out how to really stick it in… and had swiped his mom’s Vaseline which did, indeed, make it much easier for us to get our dicks into each other’s butt. He taught me how to masturbate and make myself shoot my jizz. Shit, I hadn’t known that I could make myself do that and, that day, man, it was crazy to have that really good feeling hit me, looking down at what I was doing, and seeing a long stream of jizz come flying out of me and landing somewhere on the floor. Holy shit! Did you see that?

I remember him laughing his ass off at me about that and more so when he was on his knees and watching me doing it and when I shot, it barely missed hitting him in the face. At first, I was mad because he was laughing at me but I wound up laughing, too, because it was funny. I did have to find the goo I’d shot and clean it all up and I spent the rest of my day wondering if I got it all up or would one of my parents find some that I had missed. Ugh. They didn’t but, today, that wasn’t much the point as it was learning something from Donny that guys could do all by themselves and it all tied into what was going on unseen when we’d cream each other like it was going out of style any second now.

Yes – we did have contests to see who could shoot the most jizz and how far we could shoot it. Yep – just boys being boys. Nothing to see here… and why watch when you can join in?

Being able to understand my bisexuality has greatly helped me understand male bisexuality. Being somewhat humbled to learn that there were guys who made me and my fellas look like we were still virgins – and here we thought we were doing something, right? What we can do is kinda standardized… but why we do what we do isn’t so much although I’ve seen a lot of similarities across the board that can still be chalked up to boys being boys.

It’s not as weird as people are making it out to be and no matter how old a guy is when he discovers that having sex with a guy isn’t as bad as everyone says – and still says – it is outside of sex being inherently risky to begin with. The morality would have us not pay attention to what men are capable of doing with each other which is also and probably one of the reasons why it’s still very much prohibited and taboo… but as young, horny motherfuckers, the fact that it was taboo make it even more exciting to do.

Funny how that works, huh?