Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 May 23, 1200 hours

Before I passed out last night, I remember seeing a tweet where someone was bitching about sex and bisexuality being so closely associated with each other and like sex is the only thing that bisexuals are interested in. I thought the tweeter was… naive because the “sex” part of bisexual is… part of the whole.

Not everyone can or wants to slide over to the other side and find out what having same-sex sex is like but, yeah. This. The thing that one might know about because, well, we know how homosexuals have sex. Knowing about it isn’t the same as indulging in it but I’ve been aware, for the longest time, about a… push to make bisexuality less about the sex and more about relationship stuff.

Or “hearts, not parts.” I clearly remember being told and taught that when it comes to girls, I should not just want to have sex with them and if I do, it’s because we’re in a relationship… and such as those things tended to be when you’re young and even more so when you start going to school, are very damned interested in girls and you could be her boyfriend this morning… and she’d be someone else’s girlfriend by lunch time. Having that awareness that while there were girls I wanted to be my girlfriend, there were many more I just wanted to have sex with but since this was iffy, it wasn’t that much of a problem because there was always a guy who’d want to have sex.

And it could be pretty damned good. “Nasty” and in that way that’s actually a good thing. That indescribable thrill of doing something that you know good and damned well that you’re not ever supposed to do and for any reason… because there are girls who’ll let you get at them and happily so. Which was all well and good if you could convince her to give you some, right? Right. I would say that I had… less problems with this than a lot of the guys I knew and hung around with and, yep, had sex with “quite a few” of them.

I grew up learning how… weird we can be about having sex. Learning that there are rules that are to be followed that mandate who you can have sex and under some specific conditions and, well, okay… but I’d already found out that the rules were bullshit because while guys are supposed to only have sex with girls, yeah, the people who made these rules assumed that you could hit on a female for sex and she’s just gonna give it up and that’s because it’s what she’s supposed to do… but women, back in those days, didn’t have a lot of value and, yeah, you could buy a wife for the price of a couple of goats, four sheep, and a decent oxen or two. I understood that because women were treated as chattel, that… changed a lot of shit with them and more so when they put their foot down and decreed that they had more value than someone to use as a cum dump and baby-making machine.

You either learn to understand why women are the way they are about sex and you accept it as-is… or you don’t and chances are that your chances to get between their legs will be severely limited – there’s a reason why we call it “getting lucky.” So, yeah, the alternative was to… have sex with a guy. Masturbating is a fun thing to do if not inherently… messy but there are times when you can spend the whole day jerking off and… it’s not all that satisfying… but if you were to actually have some kind of sex with someone, yeah – that’s the ticket but… yeah, girls. But if you didn’t mind – and you were desperate and not of a mind to suffer another painful bout of blue balls – um, shit, doing something with a guy was “better than nothing” and a lot of guys found that it’s way better than nothing and, really, what’s all the fuss about guys getting busy with each other because, on the whole, it’s not that bad!

And give that us guys are hard-wired to want to have sex, um, having sex with another guy… takes care of that need. Can be very damned scary at first but if you can get used to it – and as long as nobody else finds out that you’re doing it with a guy – yeah, it just works and more so when, usually, you didn’t have to go through all that stuff that girls required and demanded before you could even touch her goodies, let alone do anything else. And if you weren’t willing to meet their demands, you weren’t getting any pussy. When you consider that, in my generation, we were told and taught not to display any emotion that could be seen as being weak and that included… being pussy-whipped. Wrapped around a girl’s finger and, essentially, enslaved to her and girls knew that their pussies gave them great power over us and they weren’t afraid to wield it and not always in a nice way.

Not that us guys were saints, mind you. But as I’ve written so many times, you stood a better chance of getting a blowjob from a guy than you did convincing a girl that it’d be okay if she’d let you fuck her. The… same result without all the muss and fuss. A lot of guys mindfucking themselves into believing that if they did something with a guy, um, it’s not really gay because it wasn’t like we were gonna be real boyfriends. It remained true that if you couldn’t convince a girl to give you some, your options were severely limited and, hmm, I wonder what it’s like to do it with a guy? You hear… stuff about it and especially being fucked in the ass and ew and ouch, right?

An “innate” understanding that you can have sex with a guy and still be “the man” in this deal but, hmm, “being the girl…” might be fun, too, and I firmly believe that we innately understood that one of us had to be the girl and, yeah, we could take turns being the girl. Sucking a guy’s dick… wasn’t that bad, well, until guys got smacked upside the head with puberty and could ejaculate but that… wasn’t really that bad if you could get past how it tasted and felt in your mouth. Having a guy squeezing it in your ass was, okay, yeah – it does hurt but, hmm, if you relax and all that, it gets to feel good and weirdly good when he cums in you.

And if this is what you had to do to take care of that persistent need to have sex, well, okay… as long as no one else finds out that you did and now you’re like those faggots and sissies that we were told were the worst people who were ever born. And, yeah, finding out that having sex with a real-deal sissy… could be better than having sex with a girl since sissies acted like girls to begin with.

Despite what that tweeter said, sex and bisexuality has always been hand-in-hand. The more emotional and/or romantic aspects have never been off the table and, depending on some stuff, it could be just as good of a thing and… when you like someone like that, it just makes whatever sex you have… better. But you also didn’t have to like guys in the same way that gay dudes liked guys and, as I’ve said, you just had to like the guy enough to want to have sex with him and that made sense given that you weren’t likely to get busy with an enemy or someone you just didn’t like for some reason.

It’s okay to be able to get into your feelings with someone because, if nothing else, it’s just how you feel about them and whether they feel the same about you or not and there’s nothing you can do about the way you feel but when you’re a guy, well, yeah, that’s not where your feelings should be going and directed at and more so in a sexual way. The truth in this is that you don’t have to have the sex to be bisexual, but you also don’t have to be in a relationship in order to validate your bisexual thoughts and feelings. It’s about what you think and how you feel but the thing is that… we want to act on our feelings because there are some “rules” about what you’re supposed to do when you really, really like someone – but those rules don’t take into account or consideration that you can really, really like… another guy… and, yeah, enough that if sex was proposed, um, er, sure – why not?

I know bisexuals who have never taken the plunge and they don’t want or need to. The sex doesn’t define bisexuality… but it sure ain’t bad. If you can, you can and if you can’t, you can’t. It’s not rocket science and when you can strip away all of the social silliness, it’s not really all that complicated and, yeah, it’s okay to like girls one way and to like guys in a different way; a lot of bisexual men will tell you in a hurry that they love women for love, sex, and relationships and the like guys… for the sex and, at best, friendship. Nothing to see here as far as I’m concerned but these “modern bisexuals” have some… interesting notions about what bisexuality is and yeah, hearts should be the primary focus and the parts… somewhere down the list and way down there.

And that’s actually okay since this is how we are told and taught to go about interacting with each other in the opposite sex way of things and… nothing to see here but… sex. Yeah, buddy. “June Bug” asks me if he can suck my dick and… if I like him, I’m not going to say no and it’s just part of the deal for me to suck his dick. Likewise, for fucking but, yeah, stuff changes and all that and you learn what you like and don’t and all that good stuff and, yeah, it’s… just sex. You also learn that while you might not mind, there are many who do mind and, yeah, all that social/moral stuff that, again, bisexuality takes and… trashes the shit out of it and especially in the having sex department.

If you’re bisexual and not having the sex, well, okay… but if you are throwing it all down? It’s not the problem that I think people are making it out to be because… it’s just sex. It’s going to be whatever you want it to be or can make it. I mean, I can just have sex with a woman and more so if she’s not of a mind to be bothered with a relationship; we’re just scratching each other’s itches although, sure, if we find that we’re good at it, sure – the next time she needs that itch scratched, I might get another chance to scratch them for her and… nothing more than that. I’ll say that guys “used to” do things in this very NSA way but things change and, today, methinks that I’d have an easier time getting some pussy than I would getting some dick.

And if you have any idea of the way this used to be, you understand how… surprising this is. You would never, ever, hear me say that bisexuality shouldn’t be all about the sex… because I know that for many men and women, it is all about the sex and a form of intimacy that our morals don’t approve of… because getting laid feels pretty fucking good. I started to say something to the tweeter about… how fucking naive they are to imply that bisexuality shouldn’t be “sex-focused” because, um, duh, do you not know how bisexuals become bisexual? Almost all of the bisexual men and women I personally know became bisexual… because they had the sex and it just frigging worked for them but, then again, sex is supposed to work for us… right?

By implying or “insisting” that bisexuality shouldn’t be “all about the sex” is the same kind of slut shaming we’ve employed against having sex to begin with; being told who you can have sex with; being told when you’re allowed to have sex with someone; being told what you can do when you have sex with someone and what you can’t do. I learned that… this doesn’t work like they say it’s supposed to but if this tweeter is trying to invoke hearts over parts and at every turn, yeah, that’s some pretty naive shit and, methinks, they don’t know shit about the reality of things because it is not wrong to lust after someone’s parts; it’s not wrong to… um, fornicate even though it’s a sin and one that I’m pretty sure most of us have been guilty of and more than “a few times.”

If you carry some shame about your thoughts and feelings about having sex, well, that’s you. If you wanna do things the way they’re supposed to be done – and adjusted to accommodate your bisexuality – that’s you, too… but it ain’t all of us and it will never be all of us. I’m sure that what the tweeter tweeted is their take on things – it’s their opinion but from where I’m sitting, they’ve drank the Kool-Aid if they believe that the parts have less importance than the hearts and that the sex part of bisexuality shouldn’t garner so much attention and importance.

I’m thinking that person needs a serious wakeup call and pay more attention to the reality of things. Humans… love having sex; it is very damned important and in a lot of ways that, well, you should know this even if you, too, believe that hearts have more importance than partaking of the parts. It’s… okay to think about bisexuality having to be handled a certain way but the moment you start peeking between your fingers at the way it can be – and being weird about it – then, methinks, that’s a problem and more so when, on the whole, we’re weird about just having sex to begin with.

That person, ideally, should accept that for a lot of bisexuals, it is about the sex… but not without any understanding of the non-sexual aspects that comes with bisexuality, you know, if that’s how you’re feeling. Still, if I’m kicked back and watching the game with a guy and that… moment comes when, um, yeah, we can do something else while we’re watching the game, okay – I won’t mind if he doesn’t and more so when it’s very damned unlikely that I’d be there with him if he was someone I had reason not to like and in any way that means to me. At the root of it, it is… just sex. We both get our nuts busted and… back to watching the game and we both might act like… it never happened. Nothing to see here. Grown up boys being grow up boys and all that. If we… make this a thing between us, all well and good. A guy I consider to be a friend, um, needs some help? Sure, I’ll give him some help if he wants it and it’s… nothing more than that. Whatever happens after that – or doesn’t happen – will be… whatever it’s gonna be. It’s… better when you, bluntly, give a fuck about each other but parts before hearts… isn’t as evil as we believe it to be…

But it is very damned human. I get that we “want” bisexuality to follow heteronormative norms; I understand that they can if that’s how someone wants to go about things but to insinuate that all bisexuals have to play by these rules is… unrealistic and quite naive in my opinion. I know all too well the way it’s supposed to be and regardless to sexual orientation… but I also know how it can be, too.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 19 May 23, 1503 hours

I’m finding myself actually interviewing a guy who found me online and, “inexplicably,” decided that I was the guy he wanted to have his first cocksucking experience with. When I first signed up on that site (and, later, that app), I’d been gob smacked by the number of guys my age and older who were looking for their first experience. Yes, prior to the online world, I was running into such guys “on the street” but in rather small numbers.

The site/app revealed that there were more guys into this than I could have imagined. Okay… I knew there were a lot of men into this but it’s one thing to invoke the law of averages and something else to be able to see it… and them. “Joe” was a 52-year-old, married, white male with children who’d told me that he’d been looking for the right guy to take the plunge with for a couple of years. He’d said that he had found my profile accidentally and when he expanded his search radius from five to ten miles – and expressed great surprise to see so many men who were closer than he previously knew of.

I knew the feeling all too well. So, the first question I asked him was why did he want to do this? Followed quickly by asking him to tell me everything that led up to him making this very major and life-changing decision. He said that he knew that guys were into this because, growing up, some of his friends were experimenting with and on each other but his very religious upbringing demanded that he not do what they were doing. He’d said that he hadn’t gotten his dick sucked for the first time until his wedding night (that admission actually made me blink) and that as he watched his new bride fellate him (his word, not mine), he’d “somehow” started wondering what it would be like to do what she was doing.

He had said that he had asked her what it was like for her, and he hadn’t mentioned exactly what her answer was but he allowed that she had a hard time explaining it but that just increased his “strange desire” to find out. While he’s typing his ass off, I’m recalling the number of guys I’d encountered who also got curious about sucking dick by watching a girl/woman doing it and asking her what it was like for her but, still, I was intrigued to be talking to a man many years my senior who got “attracted” to cocksucking and as guys did way back in my youth.

Joe had even asked me how I got into it and my fingers flew across the keyboard to give him the short version of it; he said that it surprised him that (1) I got started at such a young age and (2) I hadn’t had any “prior interest” in such things but I’d said that I felt that my excitement – and getting hooked on it – left a greater impression on me because I didn’t have any “preconceived notions” about it. Of course, he asked me what it was like and… I’m pretty sure that I did an even worse job of explaining it as his wife had done and it all boiled down to me telling him that the only real way to find out is… to do it.

And then spend the next two or three days telling him why he shouldn’t. I had long accepted that for a great many men – and men in relationships – the only ways for them to experience this is to either cheat on their woman or get permission – and knew what guys who asked for permission and didn’t get it had told me about how that went for him. I’d also learned to not only state the pros of this but to tell truths about the cons involved and without “biting my tongue” about them. In my mind, this was also… a test because, again, I’d learned that there were a lot of guys who wanted to experience this and to satisfy their curiosity, but they proved to be unwilling to risk everything to find out once I let them know how very wrong this can go for him and his relationship.

And learning that even when you lay it all out for a guy and he still wants to experience it, well, okay because, if nothing else, it can never be said that he wasn’t told about the potential – and very bad – consequences. Joe had said that I’d given him a lot to think about and that he needed some time to decide if satisfying his curiosity was worth losing everything. Believe it or not, I… liked talking a guy out of doing this and more so when I could “get inside his head” and see that he wants to do something that’s seriously going to change his life and… their head wasn’t in a right or good place and, yeah, as far as I was concerned. Having any kind of sex with a man takes a certain level of commitment that’s not easy for me to explain and especially when there’s more bad stuff about it than there is good stuff about it and saying that you want to do this because “everyone else is doing it” is… the wrong reason to do it or harboring ill will toward homosexual men is another red flag for me and also tells me that, dude, do you not understand that if you’re a dude and sucking a dude’s dick, it’s homosexual sex so bashing homosexuals… doesn’t make sense.

Yeah, you need to leave this alone if that’s where your head is.

The next day, Joe calls me and tells me what he’s decided and… could I come to his house tomorrow? I ask him multiple times during our conversation, “Are you sure that you want to do this?” and, yes, he’s sure and admits that it’s… got him hard in anticipation and he can’t wait to finally put an end to his curiosity. I have to add that during the course of our conversations, he expressed surprise at how concerned I was for his well-being in this and spoke to a lot of guys who didn’t seem to care that this would be his first time; guys who were, in his estimation, quite rude and pushy and, well, many of the same things I was seeing as well.

“This is a life-changing decision you’re making and since I’ve seen so many guys totally fuck up their lives behind this, I had long since decided that I didn’t want to be responsible for a guy’s life getting screwed up and because I didn’t tell him what he was getting himself into,” I said.

And I confirmed that I would see him tomorrow at 11 and as requested. I could only imagine what was now going through Joe’s mind, but I knew what was going on in mine. I was excited but it was tempered because I knew how this could go sideways; how many times had I gotten to this moment with a guy and shit happened and, sometimes, shit that even I didn’t anticipate or see coming? I put it out of my mind and turned my thoughts to other things that required my attention.

I’ll admit that as I stood at Joe’s front door and after ringing the bell, I was nervous… but that was normal for me. You’d think that having a dearth of experience in these things, I wouldn’t be but, for me, it was the same kind of nervousness I experienced… as a musician and having to perform in front of a lot of people: Stage fright is some serious shit and those in the know say that if you aren’t going through this and to some degree, you need to share whatever you’ve been smoking. I had to shut my mind down and keep it from going through every cotton-picking thing that could go wrong and very wrong and thinking about “performance” and in the sense of being able to guide Joe through this watershed moment for him and, yeah, to 100% get it right for him.

I’d had this going on in my head and holding my attention that I hadn’t realized that Joe had answered the door and almost jumped out of my skin when he invited me inside. Once I made sure my skin was still where it was supposed to be, Joe and I spent maybe ten minutes talking about… a lot of nothing; in my mind, I shrug and even laugh at this moment because it just happens and the next event will be… the pregnant pause, that weird-assed moment when all the talking has been done and now… it’s time to do or do not and that includes which one of us is going to break the pause in some way. This moment can… last a while. Anywhere from a couple of minutes to almost a half an hour in one of my previous encounters.

For me, this is what I mean by it’s one thing to think you want to do this and you can do it… and this is the moment when reality bitch-slaps you because unless you call it off, it’s gonna happen. So, Joe and I are maybe a whole minute into the pregnant pause and just kinda/sorta looking at each other and I know he’s thinking about anything else that needs to be said or a question to be answered and we both asked at the same time, “Are you ready?”

We laughed and I said that I was ready and to “prove” that I was, I stood up and got undressed; we had agreed that we would not do this in the bed he shared with his wife. I’m… not really looking at Joe as I strip but I can see – and feel – him looking at me; I see him stand and strip down and now we’re both naked and eyeballing each other and now it’s time for Joe to see and prove to himself that he can actually take another man’s prick in his mouth. I know this is and can be a bad moment for a guy; again, the reality of it just kicks your ass and can send your mind into a tailspin and Joe’s either going to take the plunge or… he won’t be able to. Was I surprised when he knelt before me and just slurped me into his mouth? Yes and no but I was impressed that he didn’t hesitate.

I stood there and… let him find his way. I did get surprised when he put a hand on my belly and pushed me backward and made me sit down on the sofa and wasn’t surprised when he moved to get on the sofa and inverted himself and, yeah, there’s his cock and it’s hard and “discolored” from all the blood used to make him nice and hard and I took him into my mouth; I hear and feel him moan and, yeah, getting arranged comfortably on the sofa is difficult and… we fell off the sofa and onto the floor – but the action continued despite this – I had the forethought to grab onto him and take him with me when I slid off of the sofa.

He’s learning how to suck dick “on the fly” and I’m putting everything I’ve ever learned about sucking dick into play and enjoying myself; Joe stops sucking me and he’s moaning (and, yes, calling on God and all that) and I know he’s about to cum and before he tells me that he is and he exploded into my mouth; gobs of thick, salty, cum hit my tongue before I swallow them and I kinda “held him” as his release ran its course. Now, another moment of truth and one that all guys face: Can he continue? Yeah, that fucking refractory period is a motherfucker and a half and then some and most guys… cum and want to be anywhere other than where they are and doing anything other than continuing to have sex.

Joe impresses me; he’s done cumming, his cock is soft in my mouth and I reluctantly let him go and he goes right back to sucking me and he’s doing a good job of getting me to the moment when I’m gonna hit the point of no return and I say, “I’m gonna cum…” and as I had promised I would; this is his chance to stop and, as some guys have done, jerk me off but, as so many have done, he just nods – I can feel him nodding – and moans his understanding that I’m going to cum if he doesn’t stop now – and picks up his pace. I can hear and feel his exertion and… I cum.

Trying to explain what this feels like has always been a problem; it’s like, ‘Oh, shit!’, ‘Oh, no!’, and “Yessss…” all at the same time; I can feel my dick pumping into his mouth but it’s also like I’m not really aware of what’s going on and, yeah, hard to explain and the reason I’ve said – and when I’ve been asked what it feels like – “It feels good!”

He lets go of me and we separate and I ask him, “Are you okay?”

“I’m more than okay!” he said. “I didn’t really know it could be like this! Did I do it right?”

“You most certainly did,” I said and truthfully. Now, you might be wondering what I’d say if I didn’t think he did it right and I would tell him… not what he did wrong but what he can do right because you do not crush a guy by launching into every little thing he did wrong and I understood that this makes no fucking sense because this is his first time so for me to expect a totally flawless blowjob is… unreasonable and unrealistic.

“Good, good,” he says. “I’m hungry – do you want a sandwich?”

I say that I do and we stumble to the kitchen on very shaky legs and he makes us sandwiches and, not unexpectedly, talking up a storm about what he was thinking and feeling and, importantly, what he was thinking and feeling right this moment. Yes, he felt guilty and we talked about that; he said that he felt… relieved to have finally gotten his “fantasy” made real and we talked about that, too.

“So, now what?” he asks after we finish eating and rehydrating.

“That depends on you,” I said. “What would you want to do at this point? Whatever you decide is fine with me.”

I wasn’t surprised that he wanted to go again but there was a 50% chance that he was done for now, too. We didn’t bother with the sofa; we just laid down side by side and got after each other and I could feel and sense his confidence because, of course, when we were talking about this, he was very worried about not doing it right. Round two is taking a lot longer than round one did and this is his time to… work on his technique; he deep throated me and, I thought, easily – he didn’t gag or suddenly barf all over me. He’s doing to me what I’m doing to him and, as such, he’s learning and this time, there’s no need to announce that we’re going to cum and I cum first and he’s a moment or two after me and, whew.

He invites me to shower with him and I take him up on it because I know I’m all sweaty and funky and the only thing that happened in the shower was… we both got clean but he’s talking up a storm and I’m smiling because I know he’s going to be okay but aware that once this all sinks in, he might not be all that okay…

Which is why I told him, as I prepared to leave, that if he wants to talk more about this or he’s not “feeling good” about what we’ve done, he should call me. I wasn’t back at home for a good ten minutes before Joe called. Excited. Scared. Back to excited. I spent almost two hours on the phone talking to him until I was convinced that, going forward, Joe was going to be okay with what he’d done… and committed to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Two days later, I get a call from… Joe’s wife. I’m thinking, “Oh, shit!” and about to get into defensive mode when she said, “I’m calling you to thank you for what you did for my Joe… and so he can stop asking me what it’s like to suck cock!”

She goes on to tell me that he told her what he’d done and she’d said that she knew he was going to find out what it was like and was of a ‘what’s taking him so long’ frame of mind. “You dealt with him in a very respectful and truthful way and, well, I just wanted to call you and thank you and, yes, he and I are okay with it.”

Whew. I haven’t gotten calls like this a whole lot and the couple of them I did get… weren’t nice, to be nice about it. I’m sitting and thinking about all of what happened and I’m happy that another man was able to satisfy his curiosity and with no impact on him. We never got together again and that was part of “his plan;” he had said he wanted to have more and different experiences with other men and more so when now, he knew how to give a blowjob and that, yep: It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

I know a lot of guys who have asked a woman what it’s like to suck dick; I know a lot of those guys got their curiosity piqued and enough that… they really wanted to know what it was like and “a lot” of those guys took the steps necessary to find out one way or the other, with and without consequences. The question that’s kinda hard to answer in this is, “If you know that you’re thinking about doing something that you’re not supposed to do, why would you do it anyway – and then, why would you risk everything?”

Like I said, it’s not an easy question to answer and even I know that I can explain it as best as I can and there are those who… can’t or won’t understand it. Like, shit, once you get this in your head, it’s almost “impossible” to get rid of it. You can suppress it – which a lot of men do – but it doesn’t really go anywhere and something that I’ve heard guys say, “I should have done this way before now…” This is, yet again, the part where I say that those of you who suck dick, male or female, well, you know what I’m talking about…

And for those of you who don’t know, well, it is my hope that I’ve given you yet another example of what makes us do what we do in these things…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 18 May 23, 1621 hours

So, today’s thoughts are prompted – and maybe inspired – by a forum member posting a question about… eating cum.

My first thought was, “Okay, he said it like that…” and I almost knew how his posting was going to feel because there’s been a “theme” in cocksucking that says there are feeders and eaters and, yeah, that.

Such terms tend to make me roll my eyes but, at the same time, I’m seriously biased toward cocksucking and swallowing cum because the way I learned it, if you suck a guy’s dick and he cums in your mouth – and I do mean directly in your mouth and not that porn shit you can see where a guy gets sucked and pulls away to do the money shot – you have two choices: Swallow it or spit it out.

The only exception to this “rule” is sucking dick as a prelude to fucking and, duh, right? Right. The nomenclature guys tend to use in this, again, makes me roll my eyes because I don’t think in such terms and… they’re silly but in the course of learning more and more about this, well, this is what can be learned.

Of greater important is me noticing that these are terms that… submissive cocksuckers tend to use and it doesn’t seem to be a coincidence. The forum member told his story about how being made to feel inferior to his male peers because he “bloomed later” than they did put him in the position of being the one to suck cock and swallow cum… because, at the time, he wasn’t able to ejaculate.

I went back into my memories and saw that, yep, there were guys who “preyed” on those who weren’t able to cum and not unlike the stuff I saw about cock size being a determining factor, i.e., the guy with the biggest dick was “the man” and the guy with the smaller dick was “the girl.” It just was what it was and Adult Me would one day theorize that it was what it’s always been like. One very salient point in this isn’t what I thought (or currently think) about such behavior; it’s me not doing shit like that; I’d suck a guy’s dick and even if he wasn’t able to cum because sucking dick is a lot of very addictive fun but I’m never going to lie: When I sucked a guy’s dick and he could unload his nuts into my mouth, it just didn’t get any better than that and, really, that is what’s supposed to happen… if you’re not afraid or otherwise opposed to it, i.e., you can’t or don’t want to acquire the taste.

You understood why girls either sucked and swallowed, sucked and you’d better not cum in their mouth, or sucked and spit it out (while giving you the evil eye) or… if they needed to suck a dick to save their life, they’d be dead. One girl told me that she’d rather eat pussy than to have our nasty pricks in her mouth and, well, that’s what quite a few girls did to avoid having sex with us boys. Which, as I’ve said time and time again, is one of the reasons why some guys turn to having sex with other guys and… to get their dick sucked and coating tonsils in the process.

I’ll get back to this one in a moment or two. I’m now trying to remember if anyone who sucked me off said anything to me about feeding them my dick/cum and… I’ll err on the side of caution and say that someone probably did… and I just didn’t pay any attention to it. I know it’s me and the way my mind works but… I’m not a feeder and it has a connotation that… doesn’t feel right to me. Likewise, I’m not an eater and for the same reason. I suck dick and I swallow cum and… that’s the alpha and omega of things. How someone else refers to this is… the way they refer to it and I have the right to not like their method of reference… but I feel that I should understand it.

Now we’re playing with words. I eat pussy… but does that mean that the woman is feeding me her pussy? Perhaps some would say that she is but, in my mind, nope but, sure, I can step back from my own biases and see that her offering me her pussy to eat isn’t all that dissimilar to her giving me a plate of food to eat and, as such, she is… feeding me.

What gets me when guys use these terms, it’s a part of the “upper level” thing of those who feed are dominant and those who eat are submissive and… my mind doesn’t work like that and, indeed, when we’re having this particular discussion, there are a lot of guys and including myself who feel that if we’re sucking cock, there is nothing submissive about it and we are, in fact, being the more dominant one. Or, like I told a guy one time, “Do you really think that you’re in charge of what’s going to happen? You might wanna guess again about that.

The thing that says that if you suck cock but don’t swallow, well, that’s not the way it’s supposed to go. Now, those of us who suck cock knows that we don’t have to swallow it or even allow it in our mouth if we don’t want to; I’ve had guys get miffed with me because they came in my mouth, and I spit it out. Why? Your shit tastes like shit! Ew… what the fuck have you been eating and drinking? One of the things Adult Me would consider was why cocksucking is said to be a submissive act and that one… gave me a few headaches from time to time but I learned that it was deeply couched in that stupidly low opinion we had about women and sex and, indeed, the established roles of male/dominant and female/submissive but not in a BDSM way; the man initiates sex and the woman submits to it… and that included her sucking his dick and taking a load in the mouth if that’s what he wanted her to do… and whether she actually wanted to or not.

I recognize that when I’m sucking a guy’s dick – or eating a woman’s pussy – I am, in fact, submitting to the act or, to play with words again, consenting to it. But I’m… very old-school about it. I suck cock (and swallow cum) and I eat pussy. I give – and get – head. Sometimes we talk about… feeling girly when sucking a guy off and that’s because… that’s what girls “are supposed to do” and, no, they don’t have to – but this is the source of why we feel this way because it got hammered into our heads that when it comes to sex, guys do this and girls do that and if you do something that a girl does, well, you see how this can get connected in our brains. I laugh to think of this as being girly by association.

I read the member’s post and his admission of being made to be a submissive cocksucker and eater of cum and the joy he gets from submissively… taking another man’s semen in his mouth and swallowing it. I “get it” – I just wouldn’t refer to this as feeding and eating and then applying dominance/submission to those connotations. The question I ask myself is… why do we make these references? I don’t have an answer yet and admit that I may never really find one – but I know what the guys who use these terms have to say about it. I’m not “feeding” my dick to someone who has consented to suck it; as far as I’m concerned, if they (a) allow my cum in their mouth and (b) swallowing it… that’s what they’re doing. Likewise, when I’m giving someone head, my mind just does not look at it or think about it in terms of them feeding me and eating whatever… juices they’re offering isn’t seen in that light; they came or squirted some stuff that unless it tastes bad, I’m all about swallowing it… because, why not?

I’ve heard “feeding” and “eating” and… have placed no importance on them. A woman tells me that she’s gonna feed me her pussy and, okay, that’s good because I sure as fuck want to eat it… but I’d never refer to her as a feeder and I sure as fuck wouldn’t make that assignment to the guy who’s giving me his dick to suck. A guy is cumming in my mouth and, ah, yes, so good, and I hear him say, “Yeah, eat that cum!” and… I hear him as I’m swallowing it and… I’m swallowing it and not eating it and… semantics. Wordplay more than anything else and, yeah, I’ve heard men and women say some pretty hilarious shit when they’re cumming and I’m the reason why they are and… no importance lent or placed. Not about dominance or submission in either the act itself or what the other person might be thinking about this.

Okay, I didn’t forget this: A lot of guys choose to get sucked off by other guys… because women are loath to do it and that includes sucking their dick – period. One of the all-time highlights of having a guy suck your dick is knowing that when you cum, he’s not only going to swallow it but he’s not going to complain about doing it and, yeah, like women have been known to do. As always and in this, this is not or ever is a condemnation aimed at women because, ladies, I know the same shit you do about sucking a guy’s dick and how much of an asshole he can be about it. I’m just the cocksucking dude that will put it out there that, ladies, if you’re wondering why guys do this – and wondering why your man is getting sucked off by other dudes – it’s because you have reason not to do it and that “tendency” to weaponize it, like the many guys I know of who have said that the only time they’ve ever been sucked off by their lady – after the sexual honeymoon was over with – was on anniversaries or birthdays.

Or, yeah, ladies, if you don’t suck your guy off, you can bet anything you want to that there’s a guy who will… because that’s what we do. But we… play games with this. Top and bottom, dominant and submissive; the guy with the bigger dick gets sucked but doesn’t suck and the guy with the smaller cock does all the sucking and he’d better swallow every drop of cum because if he doesn’t, his manhood can and will be called into question and there isn’t a guy I know who’d want to hear this shit… and some guys who, for reasons of their own, feel… less than manly when sucking a guy off and is more than willing to be fed a man’s cock – and in whatever way homey wants to feed it to him – and eat – and feast – upon his seed and like it’s the nectar of the gods and it’s their reason for living to be fed – and eat – a man’s cum and…

Have I ever told you how funny guys can be about this? I’m really trying hard to understand how these “modern male bisexuals” look at something as “simple” as giving a guy a blowjob and getting one. I… almost had a fit when my protege was talking about me fucking him and had said, “I can’t wait for the day when you breed me…” and my literal mind said, “You can’t breed a man because we cannot get pregnant and no matter how much cum you put in our backsides…” Yep, this is how my mind works and outside of the way other guys’ minds seem to work about this and, ah, expressing semen into each other’s mouths to be consumed or expelled.

I understand what the member had to say about feeding and eating; I think he did a good job of explaining why he feels the way he does and what being fed cock and cum also means to him and applies to his submissiveness and, yeah, it’s his purpose in life to always be the one to suck cock and swallow cum. I… just have a personal problem with “feeding” and “eating.” Yeah, I should be “better than that” and I am because I wouldn’t refer to it in these terms and their associated connotations but I recognize that it bothers me… because these are not the terms used or associated when I learned that sucking cock and swallowing cum is… one hell of a good time and so is someone sucking my cock and partaking of my cum and… why the fuck is swallowing cum so goddamned important to us?

I still don’t know. I have… ideas, like, when we swallow a guy’s cum, we’re also getting an “extra dose” of testosterone – and on top of what we already have and this… does some stuff that I know I can’t really explain – but I know about it because I’ve felt it myself. The rule I grew up with is that if you suck dick, you swallow cum and if you’re being sucked, you’d better cum… or you ain’t shit, dude. Dealing with some stigma that says if I suck your dick and fail to get you to cum, that’s my fault and I’m no good at sucking dick. Those things, growing up, were pretty harsh and set in granite until, of course, when your friendly neighborhood nerd learned some shit about sucking dick and cumming and, yeah, I don’t have to swallow your shit if I don’t want to – and I don’t have to suck your dick, either. What… you can’t ask me any better than that? You wanna play games with it? Go find someone else to play with… because this is some very serious shit for me and when it comes to giving and getting head.

And that includes… not playing word games with it. Suck dick, swallow cum – but eat pussy. Feeding and/or being fed? I can see it but I’m at a loss at how this really plays into someone being submissive and how that affects and impact their personality and sense of self and… I’m learning and, oddly enough, those who are of a BDSM frame of mind and behavior.

Friends, at the end of any day, this is gonna be whatever you call it and how you see it applying to yourself. If someone says to me, “Feed me your cock…” I guarantee you that if you’re looking at me when you say it, you’re going to see me frown even if for a split-second… because my mind doesn’t work like that. I very much remember my very gay boyfriend telling me one day, after he pounced on me and sucked me off, “I love to eat your cum!” and… that’s just what he said. I didn’t, at the time, associate his submissiveness with him using the word “eat” – but why would I when, again, my noodle doesn’t work like that? I can make the association now because… of submissive cocksuckers who like to use the words “feeding” and “eating.” Yep, that was my boyfriend. As submissive in sex as the day is long and then some – and it made me insane because… guys aren’t supposed to behave like this but, oh, yeah, he’s gay and effeminate and…

I give up. Well, not really, because being able to understand this is… important and more so when I don’t have a problem with guys sucking me off any more than I have one sucking them off. I’ll eat a pussy without thinking about it – but if girlfriend wants to say that she’s feeding it to me, okay – it’s what she’s thinking in that moment but, now it begs the question of, when it comes to eating pussy, is there dominance and submissiveness in this, too?

Y’all tell me… because I really wanna know…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 25 April 23, 1416 hours

I was hanging out with “Kenny,” talking about homework, in-school work and classes, homework, girls and… that he’d walked in on his brother and his brother’s friend sucking each other off. He’d said that he had stood there watching for a couple of minutes before the guys noticed him and told him to “Get the fuck out and you’d better not tell anybody or we’re gonna kick your ass!”

“I got the fuck out,” Kenny said with a laugh. “But, man, my cock was so hard! I wonder what that’s like?”

A little yellow flag climbed up the flagpole in my mind and in anticipation of his next question and I had slices of seconds to decide how I was going to answer him if he did ask what I thought he might ask and… he didn’t disappoint, well, kinda. His first question was, “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to do that with a guy?” and my answer, honestly, was, “No, I’ve never wondered about it…” because I’d been sucking dicks for about six years so there was no need for me to wonder what it would be like.

Now I’m considering his next questions which could be (a) asking why I never wondered about it or (b) asking me if I’d ever done anything with a guy. Instead, he started telling me how he was feeling as he watched his brother sucking his friend’s cock. First, it was a double shock to see sex happening between two guys and one of them was his brother; the next was saying that he had no idea that his brother – or his brother’s friend – were even into that.

“I couldn’t stop watching them,” Kenny said, his voice low and soft. “I knew I should have eased out of the room and act like I didn’t see it but, man, I saw them doing it and… I wanted to do it, too!”

I just nodded but I’m still waiting. He goes on to say that he’d never really seen his brother’s cock and was surprised at how it looked when it was hard; he didn’t say anything about the other guy’s dick but I could tell that recalling this was stimulating him because he had a tent in his pants. In my mind, it’s not a matter of if he’s going to ask The Question – it was purely a matter of when he was going to ask.

“If a guy asked if he could suck your cock, would you say yes?” he asked.

“Yeah, I would,” I said. Kenny’s eyes lit up and he’s got that surprised look in his face and… wait for it…

“Have you ever let a guy suck your cock?” he asked.

“Yeah,” was all I said. I liked Kenny; he was my “kind” of guy – smart, unassuming, funny, and just an all-around good guy which is why I had already decided to say yes when he gets around to asking The Question.

“What was it like?” he asked and leaning closer and like I was about to tell him the greatest secret ever. I do my best to tell him what it’s like to have a guy suck my dick and told him that, honestly, I’d been having sex with guys for a while and that it’s the reason why I’ve never wondered about it… because I’ve been doing it.

He’s processing this and I’m watching him think and I already know what his next question is going to be.

“So, um, uh, if I said that I wanted to suck your cock, you’d be okay with it?” he asked.

“Sure – we’re friends, aren’t we?” I asked. The only two things left at this point is where and when although “when” was going to be “now” but once he figured out the where part. Which he did and rather quickly; he knew of a treehouse that a bunch of guys had built and anyone could use it and… off we went.

He’s nervous and excited and asking me about the first time I did it and when was the last time – and I told him that it was yesterday – and all that did was get him even more excited. What did I do when he shot cum – and was he even doing that? He told me that he was and found out when he was beating his meat – and something he had started doing earlier in the year – and he had me laughing over his reaction to ejaculation for the first time; I regaled him with my first time cumming and we’re laughing about that and… we’re at the treehouse and complete with the “usual” boards nailed to the tree and serving as a ladder.

As we climb up, I’m thinking that the guys who built this had nothing better to do than to build it in the tallest tree they could find; I’m not afraid of heights and it wasn’t like I hadn’t done my fair share of climbing trees but, damn! But we make it to the treehouse and it’s pretty sturdy and had stuff in it for comfort and now… the awkward moment has arrived.

“I’m kinda scared,” he says. “But I’m excited, too!”

“Yeah, I can tell,” I said, glancing down at the tent in his pants and the wet spot. “Are you ready?”

“I guess so,” he said.

I maneuver around so I can get out of my pants and underwear, which was Kenny’s cue to shed his; I had the thought that if I said, “Boo!” at this point, Kenny would jump through the roof of the treehouse and right to the very top of the tree… and I started to but, nah, this is serious.

“Wow, your cock is kinda big,” he said.

“So is yours,” I said, returning the compliment. “I’m gonna show you how we can both do it at the same time, okay?”

“Okay,” he said – and I can tell that he’s in that “moment of truth” thing I’d been seeing in guys doing this for the first time.

I get him to lie on his side and do some “Twister-like” stuff to get into position and, without further ado, started licking and kissing his dick; he’s doing to me what I’m doing to him and I think that this is good because this is the part where most guys find out that they really didn’t want to know what it was like. I take the head of his dick in, swirling my tongue all over it – he does the same – and I stop to ask him if he’s okay; he says that he is; I asked him if he wants to stop and he say, “Hell, no!”

And I went to work on him. He’s trying to copy me but pretty much gave up because I can feel his dick trembling my mouth and I know he’s about to cum so I take him all the way down and let my tongue play along his shaft and… a gusher! I’m ignoring the pain I’m feeling because Kenny had been holding onto my dick and when he came, he… squeezed. His cum tastes more sweet than salty; it’s a bit thick and there’s quite a bit of it. He’s done and I didn’t expect him to finish sucking me but he surprises me and goes back to it and he’s really going for it and even managed to swallow all of me without gagging – impressive! But I can feel the pressure building up and I tell him that unless he stops now, I’m gonna cum in his mouth and… he doesn’t stop.

Funny how most guys don’t but I didn’t have a lot of time to ponder this because I’m cumming; Kenny’s doing his best to swallow it but he’s having some trouble – not unexpected because this is the moment where guys who don’t stop find out if they can acquire the taste or not. He… does well with it. I kinda prop myself up on an elbow to look at him and he’s… processing.

“Oh, man, I didn’t know,” he said. “Wow.”

“You okay?” I asked – and I asked because I’d already learned that some guys aren’t all that okay at this point in things.

“Hell, yeah, I’m okay,” he says. “We gotta do this again!”

“You mean now?” I asked – and went back down on him.

We went an impressive three times before neither of us could get it up again. Kenny is excited; he’s pensive, too, because he’s still processing all of this and then, “How come I never did this before?”

“A lot of guys say that but it’s okay,” I said, looking around the treehouse for my underwear.

We get dressed and spend a few minutes talking about what just happened; Kenny says that now he understands a little more about what he’d seen his brother doing. As we’re climbing down the tree, there’s a couple of guys at the bottom and they’re grinning.

“Yeah, I wonder what you two were doing up there?” the one guy says.

Kenny looks like he wants to disappear into thin air but I just smile and say, “We were probably doing what you mugs came here to do!”

They laugh, we laugh and the one guy asks, “Y’all feel like going again with us?”

I’m thinking not really but Kenny said, “Sure – why not? We’re game!”

Thanks for volunteering me, buddy.

Back up the tree. I didn’t know about Kenny but I’m “out of gas” but, okay – doesn’t mean that I can’t suck dick but I hope that I can recover enough so that I can, at least, get hard for whichever one of these days are going to be blowing me. I’m honestly surprised with myself; I’d gone through three intense rounds of cocksucking with Kenny and now I’m with one of the new guys and I rise to the occasion and even manage to cum! Kenny and I switch partners and, at this point, I’m grateful that these guys have to take a break… because I needed one myself. I check on Kenny and he’s… running on adrenaline and he’s pretty giddy as the four of us are talking and complimenting each other on cock size and the new guys are white (as is Kenny) and they’re pretty excited because, like so many people, they thought that Black guys were homophobic.

Yeah, right – sure we all are. Twenty minutes later, Kenny and I switch partners and it’s funny because this guy is trying to “out suck” me; he’s not bad at it but he gagged trying to take down all of me and, yeah, I’m showing off by taking all him down and holding him there and my goal is to… make him stop sucking me and give in to what I’m doing to him and, not to brag, but it didn’t take a whole lot to make that happen. He cums (and almost screaming for various entities to save him) and I’m… just going through the motions and maybe I gave up some cum; I’m sure I didn’t but I have an excuse; this is my fifth time cumming in the last, oh, three hours or so.

Kenny’s lost his mind. He wants to keep sucking dick but I’m not all that surprised by that; guys either find it to be the shit to end all shits or, eh, not to their liking all that much. Kenny wants to know if we have time to go at it again but I’m like, “No way, Jose!” and the other two guys are clearly “no longer interested for the moment” but they say that tomorrow would be good for them. I’m not committing to anything, but I had fun and so did Kenny; we’re walking back to this house and I’m truthfully telling him that not only did he do good, he did better that a lot of guys tend to do when it’s their first time. He’s so… hyper that it’s all I can do not to laugh at him but, yeah, I understand what he’s feeling.

“Man, I could spend all day doing this,” he said – and I laugh because I know the feeling… and I’ve spent quite a few days where all I did all day was suck dicks.

I hook up with Kenny like a week later and he tells me about all the guys he’s sucked off since we last saw each other including his brother’s friend! I’m impressed but, again, not surprised that he’s cock-crazy; it’s just one of those things that can happen when a guy finds that sucking dick really isn’t as bad as everyone says it is. Yeah, we go to the treehouse to blow each other and, again, I’m impressed because he’s obviously learned a lot in a week including how to deep throat without gagging.

I see his brother one day and he asks, “So, you got Kenny hooked on it, huh? We should do something.”

We did because why not? I get him off in like four or five minutes and he’s gasping for air and says, “Now I know how you got him hooked! Damn, dude, you ain’t no slouch!”

Yeah, I don’t think that I am but I’m glad he’s happy – and not of a mind to give me some shit because I showed his brother how to suck dick. I see Kenny again and think to ask, “Do you know what it’s like now?”

“Shit, yeah,” he says. “Hey, have you ever eaten a girl’s pussy?”

I liked guys like Kenny. Curious as all get out and eager to find out what things were like. Indeed, I was still learning about… cultural differences and attitudes about this and while there were a lot of guys – and ethnicity notwithstanding – who wouldn’t dare to get busy with a guy, white guys are… fun. Not that Black guys aren’t but it’s the… attitude? At the time, a lot of Black guys were very leery to do some cocksucking but maybe it was my good luck or something but almost all of the white guys I knew at that time were very damned curious and eager to do it and… there was something to this that, at the time, I couldn’t quite put together but, eventually, I did.

I might write about that some other time.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 19 March 23, 1610 hours

I read this the other day: https://areomagazine.com/2023/03/17/advancing-our-knowledge-about-sex/ and I thought, hmm, it’s about time someone addressed this… lack of knowledge. You’d have to read it to know what the author is talking about but as I scrolled through the Reader to see if there was anything I missed, one of the things I thought about was how being bisexual… taught me a lot about sex – and not just how to do it.

Early in my development as a bisexual male, one of the first things I needed to know was… why do guys have sex with each other when the only people we’re supposed to have sex with is girls? It might sound like a “duh” kind of thing since the question lodged in my mind after I’d had my first sexual experience with a guy which, um, whew, it was amazing… but why?

I was that kid who questioned everything and often in ways that tended to get me into trouble because you don’t question what is or that which has already been established and, I found, believed. The author speaks to a specific aspect of having sex (and got in trouble for having the nerve to speak on things bisexual) but one of the things being bisexual taught me was that if you think you know about sex, you really don’t. My quest to find the answers to the many questions I had unearthed a lot about sex and stuff that, admittedly, was pretty scary to someone as young as I was.

I learned that there are some questions I didn’t want to know the answers to but once you “see” the answers, you can’t unsee them or act like you didn’t and, indeed, homosexual sex is one of those things that we keep trying to act like isn’t supposed to happen and, in the here in now, that people really aren’t bisexual. I learned that some who discovered that I had sex with guys firmly believed that (a) I was gay and (b) I was a pervert; a sexual deviant. Why? Because those who said that had a very narrow and dim view about sex and were content to “settle” for what they were told about sex and, usually, what not to do.

But not a whole lot about what you could do, let alone what humans are capable of. One of the sayings I grew up hearing was, “Whatever floats your boat…” and I was learning that there’s a lot of stuff that can float someone’s boat and, again, a lot of it that scared the bejeezus out of me and, like I’ve heard a lot of people say about bisexuality, some of the stuff I learned about sex that scared me made me say, “I wouldn’t do that!” And learning that just because I wouldn’t do it didn’t mean that no one would and that, duh, someone was doing this or that to float their boat.

The author of the article wrote about furries, those folks who dress up like their favorite animal and congregate and, yeah, some or most of the time, to have sex. I… don’t find this surprising at all because I learned that one of the things that doesn’t seem to weird us out is… animals having sex. Like, one day, me and my friends are outside playing, and we saw a dog doing it to another dog; we knew what the dogs were doing, thought it was funny because they didn’t care that they were being seen having sex. You see it for the first time and… you don’t pay any attention to it because it’s what animals do.

And not giving a single thought to the fact that humans are animals, too. We just have a highly developed brain that gives us the ability to be very damned creative when it comes to having sex; we are one of the few animals in the kingdom that has sex just for the fun of it and not just for procreative purposes but, yeah, we can make babies, too. I learned that bisexuality exists in other animals and… no one really thinks about this but I also learned that because we’re at the top of the intelligence chain, other creatures are beneath us and that religious beliefs sought to prevent us from, well, being “animalistic” about having sex and specifically in the homosexual way sex can be done.

I learned that some folks get… really weird when you point to the famous or infamous bonobo monkeys who were not only having sex like there was no tomorrow but were also quite bisexual in their pursuit to have sex. I got to see our collective hubris in the belief that those monkeys weren’t… civilized like we were and how that hubris blinded us to what sex was and how it can be and, yeah, morality be damned. I’d hear shit about homosexuality being unnatural but, well, that didn’t make sense since people were homosexual, but I’d also hear that bisexuality or being a switch-hitter, was just as unnatural and that, too, didn’t make any sense to me because I knew the answer to this: Why would someone want to have both? The answer is… because they want to and, um, it’s pretty damned exciting, too, and the sex isn’t the only reason why it’s so damned exciting.

That would be that it defies morality and the way it’s supposed to be. I learned a lot of stuff about sex and why people have sex the way they do or how they want to. There is a great fear of a departure from our morality because it would “free” us to have sex… any damned way we wanted to. Oh, wait – we do that anyway. We slapped the privacy label on sex; it’s no one else’s business. We don’t talk about it and to the extent that we can’t talk about sex with the person we’re having sex with sometimes. Sex that is outside that which is considered to be normal is kinky or freaky and, indeed, I’ve heard quite a few people say that being bisexual is kinky and/or freaky and because of their perception and, um, lack of knowledge about sex.

It’s not what or how but why… and there is a mind-boggling about of biology and psychology involved. Women have said to me, “Is that all you think about?” and my answer, once I learned why was, “Well, yeah, it is because I’m biologically hard-wired to have sex.” Social niceties say that I shouldn’t be like this, but the fact remains that I am. I’m a guy. To expect me not to think about it is… unnatural and, in some circles and schools of thought, abnormal.

To the question of why I have sex with men, the answer is, “Um, because it’s sex and it feels good – why else would I do it with a guy?” Just having sex “for the hell of it” spits in the face of our morality and just like not having sex in the mandated way does. It really does come down to whatever floats your boat but because our morality has instilled a lot of fear, guilt, and shame about having sex, most are not of a mind to let their boat float all that much because no one really wants their peers to see them as a freak or sexual deviant of some flavor or another. And, for some, to the extent that they can’t allow themselves to think about how their boat might get afloat.

And as evidenced to the many guys I’ve talked to who have said, with a high degree of certainty, that they wouldn’t like a guy blowing them. I’ve asked them how they know that they wouldn’t and, to be a bit general, their answers are along the lines of they’re not supposed to like it; it’s immoral, a sin, and quite evil. Well, um, until they happen to experience it and find that, hmm, it wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be; but for those who said that it was as bad as they thought it would be or worse, well, why would they think this? Ah, that’s right: We’ve been programmed to think this way and you’d be surprised at how many people don’t believe this.

I’ve had sex with people in some… interesting ways. Some of it I wouldn’t do again, but I tried it more than once because one time… might not prove anything as far as liking or disliking something. And learning that just because you didn’t like it that first time doesn’t mean that you won’t like it a second time… unless you mindfuck yourself into believing that you won’t and “insist” that you weren’t supposed to in the first place.

Humans are among the most sexual animals on the planet; we’re also the weirdest about it. All of it. Any of it. I get into these conversations with my protege and we talk about his preferences and what he’s not going to do; yet, he sometimes asks, in his own way, “Is this all there is to this?” and my answer to him is, no – but he, like so many of us, are more focused on what we want to do and not of a mind to consider what we can do or that which is possible, you know, if you didn’t mind all that much. The author writes about transsexuals and transgenders and my protege… is pretty weird about having sex with those who have partially reassigned their sex and gender or, “chicks with dicks,” to be a bit crude for a moment.

It’s odd that he says that he’d have sex with a FTM who has, crudely, kept his pussy intact and might even still have his female reproductive equipment. But he gets weird when we talk about having sex with an MTF who has kept their cock and balls which, to me, is pretty weird since he does, in fact, have sex with men. He’s sucked their dicks, swallowed their cum, and have taken their cocks in his ass and gotten it creamed – and really gets off giving guys da bizness, too. But he, and like so many others, is only looking at who and not what all that much and what is… you can have sex with anyone and provided they’re legally able to consent to sex which, yeah, that’s important but in my search for answers, I learned some stuff about that, too, that would make a lot of people have to change their underwear and willing to overlook the fact that we – humans – have a very long history in this, well, until it became immoral and illegal by law.

Because we’re supposed to be above such behaviors; we are too civilized to give into our basal instincts. Dressing up as an animal? What’s up with that shit? I have had practitioners of BDSM say that I’m some kind of freaky because I have sex with men and women and, please, it’d be nice if you thought about that one for a moment. Some things of an BDSM ilk might “give me the creeps” but… I understand it because we – humans – are more than capable of going there if it floats our boat.

And if we do, um, mind your own damned business. When it comes to bisexuality and, specifically in males, that’s some really fucked up shit. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been told that I don’t need to have sex with men because – wait for it – there are plenty of women who are willing to have sex and… okay, I can accept that… theoretically, because, okay, we believe that it should be really easy to have sex with a woman except women do have something to say about that and… I learned some stuff about why women are so funny about having sex – biology and psychology. Our mindset about sexuality, for as long as I’ve been alive, has been pick a side and stay on it but if you pick the homosexual side to say on, well, what the fuck is wrong with you?

There are those who advocate bisexuality but… they only talk about the social stuff and not so much about the sex; I thought that, perhaps, they don’t because it’s pretty much a given but, then again, I also thought that they don’t get into the why of the sexual stuff… because we’re not supposed to talk about it. When they do, it’s usually in terms of being abused or molested and while this is a a part of the reality we don’t want to see or know about, it’s been my thought that if you present the sex in this way only, there are going to be a lot of “new bisexuals” who won’t be of a mind to fully be bisexual because of all the negatives being thrown out there but I also understand that this… awareness of sexual negativity is more of a social thing that anything else or, just because we learned about sex in a way that isn’t according to that which we consider moral, don’t stomp mudholes in us.

I’ve been seeing stuff on Twitter about getting therapy and in a tone that makes me think that those tweeting it thinks bisexuals should be in therapy since, you know, everyone is giving us a cruise ship amount of shit about being bisexual. I’m never going to say that therapy isn’t indicated for some because I know how… devastating the angst can be since I’ve experienced it… and no therapy needed because I know some stuff about this and, again, I’ve learned some stuff about sex that makes some folks weird out… because it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s perverted; it being a deviant, and some kind of freak that needs professional mental health help. It’s not really about advancing our knowledge of sex; it’s about getting our heads out of our collective asses about sex and, well, being weird about it.

I am a bisexual male. I have had and enjoyed lot of sex with both males and females; I’ve even had sex with someone who was making the move from male to female. I’ve had it one on one and in groups and I’ve seen the sexual side of some people who makes me look at them sideways and, okay, you’re into this, huh? There’s sex and sexuality and then there’s kinks and fetishes that are, in my opinion, subsets of the first two things because you can be bisexual and have a fetish, like some guys I’ve come across who want to play with my feet… and I’m ticklish. Leave my feet alone! But when you start digging into the rabbit hole that is sex, you uncover… some shit and you can’t “unsee” or “un-know” it.

I would say that “in the beginning,” our knowledge of sex is severely limited by our morality; who you can do have it with and under which conditions sex is allowed and what sex isn’t allowed – that would be any sex that does not promote conception. I grew up being told what not to do and that I could only have sex with females; I had to learn, on my own, how to have sex and if you’ve ever wondered how and why people get in trouble via sex, it’s because we’re not told anything about it other than what not to do. Women get pretty pissy with us because we don’t know how to have sex with them and we don’t know… because weren’t taught how to and, welp, if you leave us to our own devices, your results will most definitely vary. If you wanna have some fun, ask a woman what it’s gonna take to leave her wondering what bus just ran them over and, surprise – most of them either can’t tell or they won’t. I wanted to know why… and I found out why. Whew.

We are weird about sex because, on the whole, we lack knowledge and understanding about it. It’s… not really our fault because, again, we’ve been programmed to only look at one aspect of having sex even though we like to talk about the spectrum of sexuality and, methinks, glossing over the sex that can float the shit out of a boat or, because of moral shaming and guilt, sink it faster than the Titantic. I learned that it’s not what we know about sex that gets us into trouble:

It’s what we don’t know. Bisexuality… isn’t that hard to figure out. Social niceties insist that sex, if you have it, should only be done when a relationship is in place. Puts the kibosh on any sex that happens without this being in place; it’s bad, dangerous, empty, meaningless and we were, in fact, programmed and conditioned to believe this as, yeah, the gospel truth… and it isn’t, and it never was until such things were mandated. It’s not our fault that we lack knowledge and understanding about sex but some of us gain it. Holy shit. For shits and giggles, do some reading about the Victorian Age. I did. Had me saying to myself, “What the fuck? And they have the nerve to say that I’m a pervert?” Those of the Victorian Age made me look like I was chaste and pure by comparison… and I’ve done some stuff.

All manners of sex were indulged in that period of time. All of it. If you can think of it, they were doing it and acting like they weren’t because they were civilized and God-fearing. Uh-huh. Sure, they were but, in my reading, I saw that they… understood sex in a way that we no longer did. Those folks were seriously immoral and therein lies the “key” to our lack of understanding. At this point, you might be wondering what this has to do with bisexuality and the answer is…

Everything. Bisexuality challenges and changes whatever you think you know about sex. Being sexually active in this moves things from theory to some very real stuff. It… befuddles and confuses a lot of new bisexuals because… we hide this knowledge. I had wondered why so many guys would have sex like this for the first time and say, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” or, what really piqued my curiosity, “It felt normal and natural.” And my question of, “Why does it?”

Um, because it is and that’s because it’s normal and natural for us to have sex. We are… terribly creative in the ways we can have sex. It’s not that we have to agree with… stuff but it is important to know about it and to understand it. I suck dick. People know that men do this to each other but now it gets… personal. They wouldn’t. They don’t believe in it. No man should stoop that low to actually want to have sex with another man. Our morality… limits our knowledge and understanding. Purposely so. Hides that which we are capable of. That which can float someone’s boat. The way we can… personalize it to fit our needs and desires and, indeed, that which piques our curiosity.

Oh, like, what’s it like to have sex with another guy? And why would a guy even want to? Er, um, because it feels good? Or it could if it wasn’t loaded with a lot of fears. We think in terms of sex in terms of sexuality – straight, bi, gay – but what we don’t see or understand is what drives all of this and that at the top of it all is… sex. Ya mon. Why would I even want a man to fuck me in the ass? It can feel pretty good and satisfies… a lot of things that I don’t have the words for. Is it perverted… or just how it can be? Again, morality wants to suppress such things in all of us, male or female. Do not ever give into the temptation and only have sex in the way morality approves of. No homosexuality of any kind; no fornication; no adultery; you do not need to know anything about what can be done… you know, if you think it might float your boat and you don’t mind all that much.

The author of the referenced piece wrote… a nice piece. Yeah, it’s rather specific in what it talks about, but the author had the nerve to talk about some stuff that social norms say they shouldn’t have and, well, I liked the article. It’s not what we think we know that makes sex problematic: It’s what we don’t know and what we’re not supposed to know. It… stinks of not being moral and civilized to know what sex can really be like and the many ways it can be. Sometimes in ways that makes bisexuality look tame in comparison. I know straight people who make me look like I’m chaste where their pursuit of floating their boats go… but I’m the weirdo because I have sex with men and women?

If you’re of a mind to, go read what that author wrote and gain some knowledge even if you don’t believe in it or, yeah, it’s not something that you’d get into or whatever. Then, if you will – and as I’ve asked before – ask yourself why you wouldn’t.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 March 23, 1604 hours

Gutter time! Kind of. The post asking if you swallow has been picking up steam – again. I find it “odd” that guys who actually don’t swallow have something to say about it like, okay, homey, if you only like and get your face painted with cum, um, that’s not swallowing it.

Just my opinion but if you lap up the cum out of a woman’s pussy, that’s kinda not swallowing it either since you’re literally not getting it straight from the pipe and taking it straight to the head. If homey snatches the dick from you and jerks off to cum – and tries to get it in your mouth that way, okay, if you get some in there, you are swallowing what you get but it’s not the same as sucking his dick and not even thinking about taking it out of your mouth when he cums.

If you allow the cum in your mouth and spit it out, okay, he might not like that you did that but it is allowed per cocksucking etiquette… but kinda/sorta tasting it isn’t swallowing it, either. I poured through the recent comments and one member asked, “What’s the point in sucking cock if you’re not going to swallow?”

I agree with his assessment of this. One hundred percent. Sometimes, we reopen the topics about why swallowing cum is important or what swallowing it means – to the swallower or as a part of men having oral sex with each other and while I know about, have read about, and have heard a lot of stuff about the why of this and what it could mean, for me, it’s like this: The first time I had dick in my mouth, the guy came and… I swallowed it. Given that I didn’t even know that could happen, it wasn’t like swallowing it was intentional. I’m sucking his dick and, my goodness, this feels amazing! The taste of his dick, how the head of his dick felt in my mouth, other things my tongue was telling me as it roamed all over the place and the next thing I know, there’s this warm, thick, and kinda sweet stuff shooting into my mouth and I had a split-second to decide what to do with whatever the hell it was. It was a split-second too long because in the time it took for these thoughts to hit my consciousness, there was more of it coming and I was close to choking on it so… I swallowed it.

Years later, I would be thinking about this moment and wondered why I hadn’t spit it out and… I don’t know why I didn’t. I liked to tell myself that I made the “only choice I had” in that moment and even thought that swallowing his cum was “automatic” and not unlike having, say, a mouthful of water and, well, you have a mouthful of water, you swallow it. In the here and now, I just roll my eyes at my younger self and give him a high-five for swallowing it since, going forward from that watershed moment in my life, the “rule” always was if you suck dick, you’re supposed to take the cum in your mouth and… swallow it. In those early days, if you got cum in your mouth and spit it out – because it tasted horrible, didn’t feel right in your mouth or, as with me, there was so much of it that it was going to be a choking hazard – well, you were going to get talked about and not in a good way.

While some girls would suck and swallow, most wouldn’t – yep, it’s one of those acquired things that is right up there with, say, eating raw oysters and getting your head around having that very slimy (but tasty) thing in your mouth and either chewing it or, yeah, just swallowing it. I would learn why girls didn’t like having it in the mouth since, um, I knew what it was like to have it in my mouth but it seemed to me that swallowing a guy’s stuff was… more of a guy thing than a girl thing – but there were (and still are) guys who expect a woman to swallow their cum when she’s giving him a blowjob.

I also understood why the girls who sucked and swallowed would get pissed off if the guy didn’t cum in their mouth because I’d be doubly pissed over that one, too. What I didn’t understand was why that would make me angry other than the “rule” saying that if you get a blowjob, you’re supposed to cum in their mouth so they can swallow your cum. Yeah, I know y’all are looking at this and you have your own thoughts about it but, no shooting the messenger, okay?

If you were a guy who sucked dick and you didn’t swallow the cum, what kind of punk-assed chicken were you? Likewise, if someone was sucking your dick and you didn’t cum in their mouth – or didn’t cum at all – what kind of chickenshit shit was that and how come you don’t know how to get a blowjob?

Now, according to the adults I’d eavesdrop on, being a “scum sucker” was either a good thing – if female – and a seriously bad things – if male. I was confused – what’s the difference? Why is it okay for a girl to be a scum sucker but bad for a boy to be one since, um, they’re both doing the same thing? Ditto for sucking dick in the first place; good if a girl did it, bad for a boy to do it. Well, the answers came quickly and was clear that (a) sucking dick was something only females did and (b) even though boys did suck dick, we weren’t supposed to. I’m not even sure how the girls I grew up with knew that it was “their job” to suck dick but what I did learn was that some of them hated being assigned this “job.” I knew that some girls would suck a guy off because it kept the cum out of their pussy and sucking him off was… less painful than taking him in the ass and all for the purpose of maintaining their virginity. Then, of course, there were the girls who loved to suck dick and you’d better shoot it in their mouth – or else and you really didn’t want to know what that was going to mean.

Kid logic strongly suggested to us that if a girl wouldn’t (a) suck your dick and (b) swallow your cum, (c) let the cum in their mouth then, (d) there was a boy would do (a) and (b) and you didn’t want to be a guy who wouldn’t do (c). I’d grow up and the “justification” for guys sucking dick and getting sucked by guys was that dudes would do… what women wouldn’t. At the time this was making the rounds, I knew why females hated doing it because there were things I also hated about doing it, from guys being total dicks and assholes about it to their cum tasting incredibly horrible.

I took the stance that if a girl didn’t want to suck me off, they didn’t have to; I’d had too many girls give me a blowjob, I’d cum in their mouth – after warning them a couple of times that I was about to – and… I’d see the look on their face as they swallowed it or attempted to and, to me and clearly, they didn’t like it one bit. As a bit of an aside, there was that moment where (a) women were demanding to have their pussy eaten and (b) you stayed the fuck down there and dealt with all their… juiciness and whether you liked it or not. To me, this was a woman’s… “revenge” for being expected to swallow cum and whether they liked it or not. As such, a lot of guys weren’t getting their dick sucked because they refused to eat pussy and no one was putting up with token licks or sucks that “served” to qualify that, okay, you sucked the dick for a moment or you licked that pussy for a few seconds.

It remained true, however, that if you were a dude who sucked dick, you had to be one who swallowed, too… and I’ll be damned if I really know why. Not that I minded doing that but as I’ve mentioned before, in the decade of being in my 20s, I sucked off a lot of guys and usually because women wouldn’t do it for them or, if they did, they didn’t do it all that often. Guys were “flocking” to me because they wanted to know what it was like to be sucked off by a dude and if it was really true that dudes who sucked dick… swallowed cum and liked swallowing it. Well, they found out that I did but at the time, I personally didn’t know a guy who sucked dick who didn’t swallow.

Guys who wanted to know what it was like to suck dick knew that if they did, they were going to have to swallow cum and, again, I’ll be damned if I really knew why but, yeah, that’s just the way it was. Some of those guys were seriously leery about having it in their mouth, let alone swallowing it but there was this: If you sucked dick but didn’t swallow, your reputation would take a very serious hit and to the extent that dudes looking to get a blowjob would pass on you – and no matter how good you were at sucking dick. I personally did not know a single cocksucking male who wanted it to be known that they were lousy at sucking dick – and being lousy at it included not swallowing cum.

That was about the time I was running into cocksucking males who insisted that I not “bust a nut in their head.” Okay, I understood this but they had no qualms about busting one in my head and, well, that’s a problem because I thought – and still think – that it is totally fucked up that you want to cum in my mouth and expect me to swallow it – but you’re… exempt from this. I’d respect a guy’s or gal’s choice in this, but I didn’t have to like it but, yeah, even with women, I thought it was wholly fucked up that they’d want me getting drowned in their juices but if I asked them to suck me off, oh, fuck no! But that was okay – okay, no, it wasn’t – because I knew guys who would, and it wasn’t a question of whether they were going to swallow or not and woe be unto me if I couldn’t cum for some reason.

Some “stats.” I have been sucked off by more men than women. I have run into more men who don’t suck dick than I have women who don’t. I know more men who don’t eat pussy than I do women who don’t want to be eaten. I know more people who believe that oral sex isn’t really sex than I do people who know that, yeah, it is sex. I can count on one hand the number of men who have sucked my dick and didn’t want anything to do with my cum and that includes this one who was proven to be allergic to semen and one woman who was as well.

You just knew that, as a cocksucking male, that if you gave a guy a blowjob, he had to cum in our mouth so we could swallow it. He had to. Anything else? Dude… what the fuck is wrong with you? I actually broke a guy’s nose because he snatched his dick away and shot his load all over me and everything else. I hadn’t even been aware that I was throwing the punch and then only became aware that I had when my hand was coming back. I was pissed that he didn’t cum in my mouth and like he was fucking supposed to. I had to apologize and… take him in my ass as reparations (we had agreed that there would be no fucking) and he “brutalized” my butt and I took it because I shouldn’t have broken his nose.

Or gotten mad about him not cumming in my mouth… and like he was fucking supposed to. To steal the phrase from “The Mandalorian,” “It is the way.” I had to sit down with myself to find out why I’d gotten violently angry about it and… I had no answers. At first, I thought that it was an expectation I had because, well, that’s what I did in my very first cocksucking experience; from there, I knew, without a single doubt, that if I sucked a guy’s dick, he was expecting to cum in my mouth and expecting me to swallow it and, in turn, I sure as fuck expected him to deliver the goods so I could swallow the goods. I would come to understand that swallowing a guy’s cum was… very damned erotic. Sucking his dick and getting him to cum – and swallowing it – made doing it feel… complete. A high sense of satisfaction in knowing that I did it right as well as being unafraid to swallow cum. I even took a small pleasure of pride in knowing that I would do something that women wouldn’t do and it was a very small amount of pride because, of course, I knew why they wouldn’t because I can’t tell you how many times I swallowed a guy’s cum and didn’t like it one bit – and it wasn’t always because his shit tasted nasty.

There were those guys who wouldn’t swallow and… I wasn’t going to be one of those guys. It was becoming clear to me that the most “prized” men and women were those who sucked dick and swallowed cum and I was going to be one of those guys. I realized that I was so orally fixated that I did not want to be known as a guy who (a) couldn’t suck dick and swallow and (b) couldn’t eat pussy to a woman’s satisfaction. The thought of it was – and still is – anathema to me but, yeah, you can’t please everyone but it sure the fuck is fun trying to; in those moments of failure, yeah, it was a bitter pill to swallow but the question I had to ask myself and answer was… did I have fun trying to please them this way?

Yeah, I did because it’s not the end result that mattered the most. A woman asks me, “Why do you swallow that shit?” and I’m sure I sounded like an idiot trying to explain it to her. For one, I liked doing it and, for the other, it is expected of me as a cocksucker. And, by the way, I’m expected to deal with feminine juiciness when eating pussy, aren’t I? Especially squirters. Swallowing it was, to me, just as much a part of giving head as swallowing cum was; I found it to be satisfying but, importantly, so did the person I was giving head to.

Okay. HIV arrived and, well, that fucked everything up. Ah, but your friendly neighborhood nerd read a lot of stuff about this and especially the reports that said that you can’t get HIV by kissing someone who may have the virus. Oh, really? Why? Your FNN dug into the science and learned something about… saliva. It doesn’t just keep our mouth moist and important for gum health, but it also contains enzymes that has the purpose of starting the process of breaking down food and drink so that our stomach can finish the process. I knew that our stomach contain hydrochloric acid and of a kind that very few things survive being in our stomachs, oh, like corn, for example. But between saliva and stomach acid, HIV doesn’t stand a chance and the only way one can get it by giving head is if their mouth is unhealthy and, specifically, suffering from bleeding gums. Okay; if the virus can’t get access to your blood, you can’t get it. Good stuff to have found out about. So, while fucking someone had taken a very major hit, giving head was recovering from a similar hit but it also paid to be extra careful about who you put your mouth on… but that was always very important.

Today, the vaunted CDC says that there’s a four percent chance of getting an STD of any kind in your mouth. Four percent. There are guys who lost their ever-loving minds about this factoid and, well, they lost their fucking minds about it. Not only were they not going to suck dick, they weren’t ever going to let cum in their mouth… but these same guys… eat pussy. I’d like for you to think about that one for a moment and then think about this: If the CDC says that there’s only a four percent chance of getting something nasty in your mouth, that also means that there’s a ninety-six percent chance that you won’t. Hmm, sounds like some damned good odds to me. Yeah, sucking dick – and eating pussy – should be done with the health of the person you’re gonna give head to in mind because, again, that’s the way it’s always been done if you’re smart about what you do. If a guy checks out and I feel it’s safe to suck him, that cum is getting swallowed because, as the forum member asked, what’s the point of doing it if you’re not going to swallow it?

You may disagree but the whole point of giving a guy a blowjob is to make him cum and to swallow it. Spitting it out is still optional. I’ve had men and women spit mine out and… I don’t fuss about it because I’ve spit a guy’s cum out more times than I can readily recall. One day, I happened to… notice something. I was horny, home alone, and decided that beating my meat would be a great thing to do right about now. I did and I came and it felt good. Later in the evening, I’m dick-deep in my wife, it’s feeling good and as usual and I came and my brain said, “Hey, did you know that cumming feels better when you cum in a place than when you don’t come in a place?”

Lemme get back to you on this because, um, I’m still cumming in her. She drifts off to sleep but I’m lying there thinking about this stray thought that dared to show up in that moment and that allowed my brain to go back and look at every time I jerked off and compared to every time I came somewhere in some one and, hmm, isn’t that interesting? I started looking at how guys would cum when (a) they jerked off (and I’m there with them while they did it ) and (b) when they’d cum in me and what they said about cumming in someone or not doing it and my brain said, “Well, that’s probably because dudes are biologically programmed to cum in someone which would explain why cumming in someone mouth feels better than not cumming in their mouth.”

Of course, I had to test this… because I am a nerd, after all. I sucked the dicks of a few guys and actually paid attention to them when (a) they came in my mouth and (b) when it would reluctantly stop sucking them and jerked them off and since I used some scientific principles by doing both things to the same set of men, I noticed that they were more satisfied when they came in my mouth than they were went I’d jerk them off and finish them that way. I’d have sex with some women and on the condition that I pull out before I came in them and I compared those moments to the ones where I unloaded in them and, yeah, it felt good to cum but it felt better when I could cum in them and compared to spraying all over the place.

I figured out how to give myself a blowjob and, yeah, that is one fucking weird sensation because I know what it feels like to suck a dick and to be sucked and it was worth the pain I put myself through in order to experience both sensations at the same time… and it felt better when I came in my own mouth than in the times I came and not in my mouth. And, um, reconfirming that my cum still tasted good and, indeed, it “tasted better” to shoot it in my mouth than it did when I’d lick it off my hand after jerking off. And different still when I’d cum in a woman and go right back down on her, eating her pussy and tasting – and swallowing – my cum as it flowed out of her. That’s a lot of fun, by the way. Just saying.

What does this have to do with sucking dick? It has everything to do with it, as it turns out and it made sense to me that swallowing his cum completed the act of him ejaculating and since he was cumming in my mouth, it felt… better to him and, well, his cum is in my mouth and swallowing it… just made sense and on top of giving me that sense of accomplishment and more so when it’s not really that easy to get a guy to cum like this… which is one of the reasons why women don’t like sucking dick and even when they want him to cum in their mouth. But there was always the expectation that, again, if you were male and a cocksucker and giving a blowjob, swallowing his cum was also expected and… what I figured out just might have something to do in this – it feels better to him to cum in the mouth than not doing that but as one who swallows, well, um, it can taste pretty good and it’s in my mouth already so swallowing it makes sense and more so when there are so many cocksuckers who can’t or won’t swallow cum.

It’s just… part of the job. I have said that if I suck ten guys, eight out of those ten times, I’m swallowing the cum. One of those times, I’m going to spit it out because, yuck, it’s just nasty to taste; the other time is, um, I want to watch him cum or I’ve been sucking his dick “too long” and even I get tired of doing it.

Being able to find dicks to suck online was a boon… in the beginning anyway. Again, one of the first pieces of information to be exchanged was (a) do you suck dick and (b) do you swallow? I could see that I stood a better chance of being able to suck dick because, you’re damned right – I swallow – than the guys who sucked dick but didn’t or wouldn’t or, what the fuck… they wanted the cum on their face? Dude, this ain’t porn – this is real-life cocksucking and “everybody” knows that if you suck cock, you take the cum directly into your mouth and swallow it! Anything else is not giving a full and complete blowjob! Those men who were opposed to swallowing would ask why and, well, shit, I don’t know why but what I do know is that… this is the way men giving a blowjob has always been.

It is the way. The perception remains that if a woman won’t suck cock and swallow cum, there are men who will and I learned that this very thing is the reason why some guys wanted to be sucked off by a guy. I would learn that this really isn’t a knock against women because, again, I know of the reasons why they won’t do it… a couple of other things that I’m not going to talk about today – I might one of these days. I’ve sucked off gay men. I’ve sucked off bi men. I have sucked off straight men… because a woman refused to do it. With few exceptions, I have swallowed their cum because I’m “supposed to” and, well, I love swallowing it; I got totally hooked on it from the first time I did it so, as far as I was concerned, not swallowing it… made zero sense. “Comparing notes” with the Band of Horn Brothers showed that they, too, sucked dick and swallowed cum… because that’s the way it was supposed to be done. Even then, the guys who swallowed were preferred over the guys who either spit it out or didn’t want it in their mouth and, yeah, the same with girls.

And I really and truly do not know why swallowing cum has so much importance. Okay, one of the things I and the BHB also learned that if we swallow the stuff, there’s no evidence that we did. Well, there was “dick breath” but it would be a few before we found out about this and the one thing you did not want to do was to suck a guy off, swallow his cum, and… have to, say, kiss your mom or, really, getting really face-to-face with someone who could smell your breath. But, kid logic said that if you swallow it, you don’t get it on you anywhere because we found out that if a guy shot all over you, there was a chance that you could miss some of it when trying to clean it off of you and, yeah, there were a couple of guys who’d have dried cum in their hair or on their eyebrows or somewhere else it could be seen and, ha ha – we know what you were doing!

Swallowing had some “purposes.” It felt good to make a guy cum so you could swallow it and… no evidence left behind. Hopefully. Yeah, a few times, I failed to get it off my lips and got teased behind it so, going forward, I swallowed cum and licked the shit out my lips, too. In a way, it was kinda fucked up knowing that some guys only liked me because not only would I suck their dick but I swallowed their cum. Yeah, another bitter pill to swallow and one worse than swallowing the nastiest tasting cum. I learned – and like girls did – that some guys did not appreciate being sucked off and swallowed or again, that was the only reason why you’d see them. With the pun intended, it sucked to be treated like this by guys who’d make you think that they liked you or was your friend and then find out that the only reason why they fucked with your feelings like this was you sucked dick and swallowed.

A very ugly and “dirty” feeling and one I had to learn how to… ignore or, really, not allow it to kill my joy of sucking dick and swallowing. I did not want to be known as that guy who was afraid to swallow it, or word got out that I was lousy at sucking dick – which included swallowing cum. Sometimes, I would fail to get a guy to cum and I learned some stuff about that, too, so it wasn’t always my fault but, yeah, if you sucked a guy’s dick and failed to make him cum, that’s your fault. I had to learn to not let that bother me because, again, the question I had to ask myself and answer was… was I having fun sucking his dick even though he didn’t cum? I did but I also learned that guys… don’t much care about anything other than how the blowjob gets finished. It served to make me really appreciate anyone who would suck my dick, let alone take my cum… because they didn’t have to and that sucking cock is just as much about the person doing it than it is about the person it’s being done to.

Again, I’ve been called a selfish giver of head because the main reason why I give head is… I fucking love to give head. It turns me on and like nothing else does. Sometimes, I’d rather give head than to fuck. Oh, my goodness. It is, to me, so damned intimate that it makes me wonder why there are people who don’t give or receive head. It’s a major rush to be sucking a guy’s dick and I can feel that he’s getting ready to cum and I damned well want him to… so I can swallow it. There is nothing better than going down on a woman and having her juices all over my face and in my mouth and squirters, yeah, baby girl, gimme all you got because it makes me feel stupidly good to get a woman to cum like this but if she’s not a squirter, that’s fine because… pussy tastes stupidly good. I learned that if I’m having a good old time giving head, the person I’m giving it to is having a good time, too, and the “proof” is them… cumming in my mouth so I can swallow what they’re giving me.

I’ve eaten women and have felt their clit… pulsing in my mouth and just like a guy’s dick does when he’s cumming. The whole point in giving a guy a blowjob is… to get him to cum so it can be swallowed. Guys who do not swallow aren’t looked upon with a lot of favor and, again, I learned to not expect someone to blow me and take my cum because I know why they might not want to. A guy was blowing me and I yelled out that I was going to cum and he stopped sucking me and jerked me off and when I came, he was smearing it all over his face and something inside of me was… irritated because not cumming in his mouth… didn’t feel as good as it would have if I could’ve cum in his mouth. He said that he hadn’t acquired the taste and I respected that because not respecting it… is pretty fucked up. I turned around and sucked him dry and ignored his pleas not to make him cum. Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen because I wanted – I needed – his cum so I could swallow it because not swallowing it – and doing what he’d done with me – was anathema. Unthinkable. The cum goes in me and not on me.

It is the way. The reality is… that it isn’t because cocksuckers have preferences, and some will not suck you off until they really get to know you better. I understand this but, um, I’m not one of those cocksuckers. If I’m sucking your dick, you know what’s going to happen because I will tell you what’s going to happen: I’m going to suck you until you cum so I can swallow it… if it doesn’t taste nasty and, if so, you’ll cum in my mouth – because I know that feels better to you – and I’ll let it dribble out of my mouth.

Because it is the way. There’s… no logic to it. I’ve swallowed cum and, um, let’s say that my digestive system didn’t like it all that much and I find myself sitting on the toilet. Hell, I’ve eaten pussy with the same results. It was… worth it, though. They’re happy and I’m beyond happy. A lot of guys feel that if they put in all the work that’s required to make a guy cum – and it can be a whole lot of work – then their reward for it is… being able to swallow the guy’s cum. Some apply some… mystical stuff to swallowing cum and I’ve mentioned that I’ve read a lot of stuff that backs this up; to take the essence of a man like this is, well, making him a part of you physically and, perhaps, spiritually and in a way that being fucked by him… doesn’t come close to.

It… defies explanation. It’s why I say that those of you who suck dick knows what I’m talking about and those of you who don’t, well, maybe you know what I’m talking about, but you don’t know it like those of us who do knows it.

13 March 23, 1150 hours

Yeah, something required my attention so I’m just now getting back to this… so I can post it. Probably should’ve done it yesterday but I didn’t think I was done with this. It’s a lot but swallowing cum is a very big deal among male cocksuckers…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 09 March 23, 1643 hours

One of the “sub-rules” that was making the rounds in my youth was… friends do not and cannot have sex with each other because, if they do, the friendship will be ruined. This was “below” the “main rule” of boys not having sex with each other and you’d better not. Ever.

Yet, in the early days of my development as a male bisexual, ninety percent of the sex I had with boys was with my male friends. Shit, maybe even a higher percentage than I’m willing to admit to. There was a difference between a friend and an acquaintance; an acquaintance was someone you know but in a very casual and/or social kind of way but a friend was… more than that since being friends with someone was more than just casual or being social. You knew them, had a lot of things in common with each other and, sometimes, you could start a friendship by… being enemies. Like, one of the guys I was friends with couldn’t stand me for some reason and, well, I didn’t like him, either. We eventually got into a fight and afterwards, we were friends. I mean immediately after the fight was over.

Weird how that worked but it did. Friends… share things. Things that you wouldn’t share with anyone else. Friends… bond with each other and in various ways. Some friendships are… deeper than others and, I would grow to understand, deep to the point where having sex… just made sense. Really, why try to have sex with an acquaintance or some guy you didn’t know – at all or all that well – when you had a friend who was more than willing to have sex and, importantly, wasn’t going to rat you out about it? Now, some friends were of the “we can have sex” variety but sometimes jealousy would show up since, in my case, they weren’t the only friend I was having sex with and, yeah, the friendship landed in turbulent waters and now we’re not friends which “proved” that friends having sex with each other was a very bad idea and did wind up ruining the friendship, well, until the friend who “broke up with you” realized that nobody else really wanted to be friends with them or they’d had problems making friends in the first place.

If a guy was looking to have sex with a guy, the first and “kid logical” guy to ask was… a friend. I wondered about this and would come to understand this: It’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t. Yes, it can be fun and thrilling to have sex with a guy you “don’t know” – and like you know your friends – but strangers were to be avoided at all costs because, as the adult men in our village would always warn us, a strange guy was going to kidnap us and rape up and maybe even kill us. Besides, it was a given that if you couldn’t trust your friend, who can you trust? Friends… did things for each other if and when they could and, in the early days, if you were my friend and you wanted to have sex, okay – let’s go do it!

Yeah, you find out that some of your friends weren’t really your friend and they just wanted to use you in some way and that hurt and sucked but I – and so many others – learned valuable lessons about friendships and how far they might be allowed to go. One of the things that perplexed me was people saying and believing that friends can’t have sex when, even with girls, we could start out being friends and become friends enough that if we wanted to, having sex… made sense. We wouldn’t be boy- and girlfriend but depending on how much we shared with each other, sometimes, even my girl friends would and could get it in their heads that if they didn’t feel safe having sex with other guys, um, maybe I wouldn’t mind having sex with them because they knew me and, importantly, they trusted me. They’d trust me with really personal stuff and, yeah, for some, how much they wanted to have sex but other guys, well, they couldn’t be trusted for some reason or another.

Among girls and, later, women I was friends with, there was always that concern that if we were to have sex, we could kiss the friendship goodbye and, as such, no matter how much we really wanted to have sex, it wasn’t worth ruining the friendship. I understood this but, at the same time, it didn’t make sense to me because, as far as I was concerned, a friendship could only be ruined if the friends in question allowed it to be ruined. But since I had a lot of male and female friends who believed that us having sex would kill our friendship, yeah, let’s just say that things were interesting and, indeed, I’d have friends break up with me because they wanted us to have sex and felt that it was better to end the friendship before we had sex and things got ugly and the friendship dies a horrible death.

I think about the many times I’ve been friends with someone, and they’ve said that if we weren’t friends, they’d have sex with me but since we were, nope. I would ask, “What does that have to do with it? Doesn’t it make sense that because we’re friends and we do know each other well that having sex also makes sense?” Um, apparently not. Yet, I knew a lot of guys who would be looking for their first sexual experience with another guy and… the search would begin with their friends. Because it’s always better the devil you know. I was also understanding why sex among friends tended to ruin friendships because… sex has some mad crazy power; it can unlock some pretty deep feelings that can make friends having sex more than friends having sex and bordering heavily on having a true relationship and, well, yeah – don’t we all know how relationships tend to go?

Some of the friends I had sex with, well, we tried to give a relationship a go and, yep, it didn’t go as well as we thought it would and I’d learn that there are some friends you can have sex with – but you just can’t be in a relationship with them. With guy, any such relationship would be a sexual one but, yeah, if one such guy knew that I was having sex with other guys, well, that’s some fucked up shit and… bye-bye the whole friendship. With the friends I could have sex with, I had to be able to understand that just because we were friends and having sex didn’t mean that they couldn’t have other friends and/or have sex with other people and, yeah, that wasn’t easy for me to wrap my head around because having sex with someone meant something more than just having sex.

What would get me scratching my head was that with women, it wasn’t very likely that you could have sex with them without becoming their friend first. Sure, there were girls/women who had no interest in being friends – but they wanted to have sex and I learned what empty sex meant… and I had to readjust my thinking and see that, in actuality, there is no such thing as meaningless sex because sex… has meaning. What I would see and learn was the only allowable sex was – and still is – relationship sex so having sex without this in place… was deemed to have no meaning and declared empty. But I’d also understand that friendship… is a relationship and it could include sex, you know, if neither of us minded and even under the auspices of… helping each other out. I had sex with a woman I was friends with and as we undressed, she said, “Don’t make me regret this!”

I didn’t and she agreed that she didn’t regret it. Her next question was, “So what do we do now?” Being in a “real relationship” with each other, we agreed, was out of the question and I said, “Look, we’re friends and we trashed the “friends’ rule” but as far as I’m concerned, we’re still friends and if we have sex again, we’re just being seriously good friends and there’s no need for us to not be friends even if we never have sex again. We both know that we’ve been fighting the sexual attraction we both knew we were feeling for each other, and I don’t know about you but because we had sex, I value your friendship more and value you more as a person.”

I wasn’t talking out of my ass; this is what I believed and how I felt. I still believe it. I get to see a lot of bi guys who will not have sex with someone that they’re not friendly with. I would come to understand that FWB is a relationship, and it can be more than a sexual one. All of the benefits of relationship sex without any of the responsibilities that comes with being in a “real” relationship. Not exactly NSA but way more than casual but I’ve also been seeing how FWB relationships are tending to lean more toward “real relationship” status because, I dunno, there are guys who are of a mind that they can’t or won’t “get into their feelings” for their FWB only to find out that… that’s what’s happening. In my mind, this speaks to people not really understanding how damned powerful sex is and, as I’ve said before, sex has a master key to our emotions and can unlock them even if we’d prefer that they don’t get unlocked.

We have long believed that sex without that emotional connection… means nothing. Isn’t worth doing. Ah, but don’t friends establish a kind of emotional connection? It might not be “that deep” and to the point where sex could happen and more so when people tend to make friends and with the purpose of not being all that “emotionally connected” to them because, again and as everyone knows, friends do not and cannot have sex with each other because their friendship will be irreparably ruined. I have known people who believe this to the extent that they will actually go out of their way to sabotage a friendship to keep it from going where they know it should go and I know this because I’ve had friends do this to me and, admittedly, it took me a long time to figure it out. They wanted to us to have sex but because they “knew for a fact” that once we did, the friendship would catastrophically end, they… sabotaged our friendship and to the point where… we weren’t friends anymore – but that did not clear the way for us to have sex because… I wasn’t having any of that nonsense.

The devil we don’t know isn’t always a bad choice… but we do prefer the devil we do know. Guys are losing their minds over stranger danger and feel like soiling themselves to think about some strange dude hitting on them and, I think, not really considering that the moment an introduction is made and information is shared, um, you’re not strangers to each other any longer. Sure, guys lie and bullshit to have sex with someone and if you haven’t learned how to spot guys like this, I don’t know what to tell you but we all have to get to a certain level of… knowing a guy before making a decision to have sex with him – and that’s if this is what the guy is about and right out of the gate. We want to know as much about them as we can find out and, preferably, enough so that, if nothing else, we can be friends first, which establishes levels of trust and, well, y’all know how this works, don’t you?

I would rather have sex with someone I know than with someone I have learn about, but this winds up looping back around because before I was friends with someone, they were someone I didn’t know about before we met or, in some cases, someone who was merely an acquaintance I knew of but didn’t know a lot about. We had to learn if we could be friends and that meant learning about each other and, yeah, the learning could grow to the point and extent that, hmm, if we were to have sex, that wouldn’t be a bad thing because we have gained enough information for that important level of trust to be established.

Like I told one friend, I’d seen him naked a lot and, really, what made him think that I wouldn’t get interested in him sexually and just on and by seeing him naked – but not discounting what I knew about him? He thought I was putting a move on him and he was a bit upset but I… eased his fears by saying, “I’m not hitting on you but I’m being truthful when I say that if you ever decided that you wanted to have sex with a guy, I’d be more than happy to have sex with you because, yeah, I like what I see… but also because I know you and we’re friends.

He brought up the ruining thing and I said, “The only way this would ruin our friendship is if we allow it to and… I’m not having any of that and I would hope that you wouldn’t want our friendship to come to an end because we had sex.”

“You have a weird way of looking at shit – you know that don’t you?” he had asked.

“I know but I see… the reality of things. I grew up having sex with my male friends and more than any other guy because, really, if you can’t have sex with your friend, who are you supposed to have sex with? Someone you don’t know jack shit about? That shit didn’t make sense to me growing up and it still doesn’t because while I know sex between friends can trash the friendship, I don’t believe that this will always happen because it’s up to the two friends to make sure that it doesn’t kill things and more so when the friendship is, indeed, valued.”

“I’m not saying that we have to have sex; I am saying that if you wanted to, say, get that nice dick of yours sucked, I’d do it and wouldn’t think twice about it because… what are friends for?” I said and asked.

He wanted us to have sex but was terribly and sorely afraid that if we did, our friendship was going to die horribly – and like a whole lot of people tend to believe. I learned something about human: If such a thing happened and the result was a disaster, that means that it will always be a disaster. Like guys who give sex with guys a try and it didn’t go as expected and, as such, because it didn’t go well then, that means that it will always be fucked up. What I had learned was, okay, me and a guy did it today and it was a mess and not a good one. That didn’t mean that if we did it tomorrow, the same thing was going to happen, but I was learning that this is what a lot of people believed. I had sex – with a friend – and, yeah, it could have gone better and we both knew this. We did it the next day and it was all that and then some. Did it the next day and, okay, what happened? Did it later that day and, oh, yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

Just because it was fucked up before doesn’t mean that it will always be fucked up and the “friends cannot have sex with each other” thing… fell squarely into this mindset. Do I believe that having sex with a friend is a mistake? No, I don’t and more so when I also learned that it’s not going to be a mistake until it’s proven to have been one and I also learned that in this particular thing, a friend will subconsciously go out of their way to make sure it’s a mistake. Yeah, there are just people you probably shouldn’t ever have sex with and, oh, maybe, 7 out of 10 times, you know that if you fucked them, it’s going to be a mistake because, well, you knew and learned enough about them to be pretty sure of this assessment. Which means, if we’re friends, there will be no sex between us and I don’t care how badly the sexual tension might get between us… because I know some shit about you that would make this a bad thing for us to do and convincing me otherwise, well, if you wanted to try to convince me, I will listen… but I reserve the right to stick to what my instincts are telling me.

I’ve had sex with many of my friends. Sometimes it got ugly but, maybe it’s just pure luck, most of the time… everything was okay between us. It’s about… trust. I have friends who I wouldn’t have sex with because… I know some shit about them that doesn’t reach that level of trust but, yeah, they’re great friends. It’s… just sex but it’s a… statement about how our friendship has bonded us and, sometimes, it’s just being honest about what we think and feel about each other. Sure, it’s… flattering to be told that if we weren’t friends, we could have sex and, in my mind, what does our being friends have to do with it because, sure, we’re friends and if we can’t have sex with each other – and without it turning into a major clusterfuck – who can we have sex with? Hell, I wouldn’t say no to having sex with you, you know, since ya mentioned this because if we did, I know that, in part, it would be on me to make sure that our friendship didn’t get fucked up and thrown away.

I’d have sex with you because… I trust you. I will admit that there hasn’t been anyone I’ve been friends with, and I didn’t play the “what if we have sex” game in my head because I know it’s possible and I know what a lot of people think about this, too. I’m thinking that if friendship is a barrier that prevents us from having sex – but we feel some sexual attraction toward each other – then, what the hell? Okay, give me a reason not to have sex with you that doesn’t have anything to do with our friendship. Seriously, I’m game if you are but if we are to have sex, obviously, there are some obstacles that have to be overcome and beginning with the belief that… friends don’t and cannot have sex with each other because it always leads to disaster.

If the reason why we shouldn’t have sex is because it’s going to mess with your feelings, okay, I understand that all too well – because I know about the master key, and I’ve gotten unlocked more times than I really care to admit to. But as a woman who was a friend and one I had no business having sex with told me – and before we had some of the most amazing sex I’d ever experienced, “You can’t do anything about the way you feel; you can only do something about what you do about them.” I’ll be damned if she wasn’t dead on the money about that. She allowed that, at the very least, all you have to do is accept that this is how you feel but if anything comes as a result of those feelings, it is what it is and it’s going to be whatever it’s going to be.

And now the onus is on both of us to… not fuck it up. Most of the time, eh, it’s just sex. We… just have it like that with each other and it does have meaning and isn’t empty because it’s about the bond we share with each other. It could be more than this but, okay, let’s talk about that because taking it to this next step may or may not be a good thing for us to do and even if, after we talk, we find that, eh, let’s not have sex again, okay, fine – that’s not going to change the fact that as far as I’m concerned, we’re still friends… unless you say or deem otherwise.

Sighing. I remember sitting and talking to a male friend of mind and we’d been friends for about three years. We’re talking about… nothing of great import when, during a pause in the conversation, he asked, “Why do I have this urge to suck your dick? Is that weird or what?” Well, at first, I thought it was because as far as I knew, um, he wasn’t like me. Did I think it was weird? Yeah, I did but hearing this come out of his mouth was totally unexpected. But now he has my attention and… we talked about it and the one thing he was really worried about was us not being friends if he gave into his urge to suck my dick and right along with me thinking poorly of him.

I assured him that I wouldn’t think poorly of him; I let him know that if he chose to do this, um, it wouldn’t be the first time a guy has sucked my dick and it wasn’t like I’d never sucked a dick. We both found out something about each other that, before now, we didn’t know before. We both saw that there was… no need or reason to mention this “thing” about us but now, there was a need for him to mention it. He believed that because we were friends, we were off limits to each other but he had admitted that he’d been feeling the urge to suck me “for a while now” and he had been resisting saying something to me about it but, well, he did. I understood that he took a chance of such an admission trashing our friendship but trusted that, at the least, he could say something to me about it.

We talked about it and went inside so he could… take care of that urge. What were friends for? Well, this and if need be. Even he said, “If you can’t do it with a friend, who the fuck are you supposed to do it with? Somebody who wouldn’t understand? That’s bullshit… right?”

I allowed that he was right. We went in and we sucked each other off a couple of times. Was he worried that we’d just threw our friendship away? He most certainly was but I had one question to ask him: How do you feel now that we did this? He thought about it for “a long time” and said that he felt that our friendship was… better. That he felt closer to me because I accepted that he, as he put it, liked to get some dick from time to time; he said that he felt even closer to me because now he knew that I knew a little something about getting some dick.

We remained friends until his untimely death in a car accident. We didn’t always have sex but, in that FWB way, if one of us wanted to, sure, there’s time and all that and it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. We weren’t going to be boyfriends, but we were… very close friends. He would often say/ask, “What are friends really for?” and I felt that he had a point… but then again, so did all of the other friends I’d ever had sex with and even if having sex with them was to… help them out.

If friends have sex and the whole thing goes down the drain, it’s because they allowed it to.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 03 March 23, 1600 hours – Supplemental

So, um, since I wrote about tasting stuff, my mind kinda/sorta slid into the gutter and peeked at giving head. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many cocks I’ve sucked or pussies I’ve eaten but while “a lot” of bi guys are deep into fucking/being fucked, eh, that’s not really my jam.

I recall a moment when I was hanging with a guy and his lady and an impromptu threesome was proposed… by her. Well, okay, I guess; if y’all don’t mind, I sure as hell aint gonna mind. He was down for it but turned to me and said that I could only eat her pussy because fucking her was too personal and intimate and that was reserved for them.

I was okay with it but it did have me thinking about why he didn’t think that me having my face all up in her coochie wasn’t personal or intimate because it had always been my position that having my face all up in the coochie was both very personal and intimate. But, we proceeded to give her what she wanted; the experience of having sex with two guys. Things are going well, she and I are being very oral with each other and with him eating her (with me and without me) and in preparation of him fucking her and… things went a little “sideways.”

I’m going to town on her and I feel a hand on my dick… and it wasn’t hers because she had both of her hands on my head and pressing my face into her so hard that I thought she was trying to get my head inside of her. I didn’t say anything since, you know, I don’t have a problem with it. We do a switch; I’m kneeling next to her so she can suck me, but we’ve been at this for a while and my knees were talking about filing an injunction so I kinda “laid” down beside her so I could give my poor knees a break but she could keep doing what she was going (and doing it spectacularly well, I might add.)

He’s fucking her and I have a front-row seat to see his dick gliding in and out of her and I even managed to get in there and give her clitty some attention when the next thing I know, I have his dick in my mouth and, no, I didn’t make that happen, and… he’s cumming. I got a pretty good mouthful of his cum. It was… rather salty, pretty boozy since we’d been drinking and with a slight bitter note because we had also been smoking weed. I’m caught up in this very unexpected moment and I’m trying to get away from his dick to tell her that I was gonna cum but I can’t because (1) he’s still shooting into my mouth and (2) he’s holding my head in place and, shit, I cum in her mouth but not to worry – I was allowed to (and she wanted me to).

As I kinda moved away from her, she got a look at what was going on down there and said, “Well, ain’t that some shit?” and I’m thinking that a lot of shit is going to hit a very big fan and one of us has some explaining to do… and it wasn’t me. He’s blundering through why he shoved his dick in my mouth and came and I’m… still tasting his cum. I almost started laughing because I was sampling it like I would some good wine; kinda salty, boozy, bitter, and smoky. There was a lot of it and the consistency wasn’t unpleasant and like cum that’s really watery tends to be as far as mouth-feel goes in these things. I’m so busy pondering this that I missed her asking me if I was okay with what he did and once she repeated the question, well, damn, I guess I was gonna out myself.

“Yeah, I’m okay; it’s not like I’ve never sucked a guy’s dick before or swallowed his cum,” I said.

“What did it taste like?” she asked. “I’ve… I’ve never sucked him off before because cum tastes nasty.”

That didn’t surprise me because I knew a lot of girls/women who wouldn’t suck a guy off – because the word on the street was that cum tastes not only nasty but really nasty.

“It wasn’t bad,” I said. “I’ve tasted worse and a lot worse – but it is what it is.”

He had to admit that he had always wanted a guy to suck his dick and to cum in his mouth and, well, she wasn’t the only one who got to make a fantasy come true that day.

I’ve tasted and swallowed so much cum that I don’t really pay attention to how it tastes anymore – unless its taste manages to get my attention and guys whose cum is really salty or bitter will definitely get my attention and, as such, instead of swallowing it, I’ll just let it “dribble” out of my mouth; I’ve always felt that actually spitting it out sends a wrong message or, in a way, a “right” message that tells the other guy – and if he’s even paying attention – that his shit doesn’t taste all that good and it’s probably why women aren’t sucking him off (among other reasons).

Guys on the forum like to debate about whether it’s the taste of cum that’s da shit or swallowing it is and reviews always tend to be mixed but taste aside, the biggest thrill for me and sucking a guy off is… feeling his dick pumping cum into my mouth. Hearing him moaning and cussing and speaking in tongues – and if I’ve done my job properly – and even fucking into my mouth… provided he can move at all. Guys on the forum also debate about the best way to take a guy’s cum, from getting their face painted to being fed – homey jerks off and shoots the goo in either up close or from a distance – or the tried and very true method of having his dick in your mouth and it’s not coming out of your mouth until all his cum has been taken. Shallow or deep is… personal preference and I’ve had all of a guy’s dick in my mouth and his cum just goes right down the hatch and… I don’t get to taste it or, depending on how long his is, I might not even be able to feel it in my mouth – just feeling it sliding down my throat “unabated.”

That… kinda takes some of the fun out of having his cum in my mouth. A long time ago, I had to admit that I do… like to savor the flavor but, at the time, I didn’t understand why so much. Like I said in the previous scribble, it’s going to taste like whatever it’s going to taste like and unless homey makes me get “chipmunk cheeks,” it’s not like it’s going to be in my mouth for a “long time.” Back to a particular taste for a moment or two.

I’ve had cum in my mouth and the way I can only describe how it tastes is… musky and I figured out that it tastes “musky” because his semen is quite alkaline and, man, I hope it doesn’t have me killing someone to get to a toilet. but, thankfully, this… problem isn’t one that I’ve had and as a matter of course. It’s musky and with degrees of bitterness and tends to be kinda watery in consistency and, well, those are tastes and sensations that I don’t find to be all that pleasurable but, okay – that’s why it’s okay to not swallow it. Sometimes, I can tell how his cum is going to taste by tasting his pre-cum and, as such, aids in making the decision to swallow his cum or not. Overly salty or bitter… is not “good eats” to me. And speaking of eats…

Pussy. Oh, my dear and fluffy lord, does it ever taste good; it has a mouth-feel that’s never been easy for me to describe but it turns me on like nothing else can. Once I learned how to do this – and I became aware of how pussy can taste – well, it used to crack me up hearing guys talking about this girl tasting nice and sweet but that girl over there, eh, not so sweet but, as mentioned in the other scribble, pussy, like a guy’s cum, is going to taste like whatever she’s been putting into her body. Before I learned about, um, “pussy chemistry,” I was kinda fascinated by how a girl’s pussy could taste sweet or salty but… tangy; sometimes rather pleasant and sometimes reminding me of taking a bite out of a lemon.

Like, I was having a field day going down on a woman and she tasted like… fried chicken – the spicy kind. The science nerd in my head found it to be interesting since, before we settled into having sex, we both dined on… spicy fried chicken. I’ve had women ask me what it’s like to eat pussy and, yeah, again, that’s not easy for me to explain other than to say that it tastes and feels good but, yeah, sometimes, it feels good and doesn’t taste all that sporty, like going down on a woman who had taken a couple of aspirins. She tasted really bitter but I understood that because aspirin has a bitter taste to it and, oh, yeah, it’s an acid. I learned some stuff about… pH and the many things that can affect the pH of a woman’s coochie and, as such, affect the way it tastes. But, again, I had learned that my brain… edits stuff out and if my nose is stuffy, I’m not tasting much of anything.

Sure, I’ve licked my lips after eating pussy but now I’m tasting her pussy… on my skin. More science shit: The taste of a woman’s pussy can change when her juices come in contact with air and it can change because my saliva is… getting in on the act of tasting. I found that I could eat the same girl/woman at different times and… she tastes different every time. Sometimes, the difference is subtle and sometimes, wow, baby girl – what you been eating and drinking? Sometimes that’s a pleasant thing and sometime, eh, not so much – but nothing I can’t deal with and, really, if you’re gonna have your face all up in there, not dealing with how she tastes isn’t an option because women do very much care about how their pussy smells and tastes and, well, let’s say that I don’t recall telling a woman that her pussy didn’t taste good – I’m not of a mind to tempt fate and, yeah, I’d like to be able to eat that pussy again.

So much goes into taste from having a hard dick in my mouth to the incredible heat and wetness having my face buried in a woman’s pussy and eating her like she’s the last meal I’ll ever have. I… don’t understand guys who don’t eat pussy. I understand why there are women who won’t suck a guy off because cum can be… off-putting as far as taste and consistency goes, that and I know that most guys… don’t know how to get their dick sucked and if you make it difficult for her, well, guess what she’s not going to be of a mind to do. I understand that some women don’t want to be eaten because… they’re self-conscious about the, ah, tidiness of her kitty. I’ve gone down on women and they taste like… nothing because they literally scrubbed the taste right off of the kitty. Oral sex… engages all of the senses and they all lend themselves to the joy of giving head and, well, yeah, sometimes, things aren’t going to taste the way we want or expect them to.

Just part of the deal. Going back to the threesome and getting an unexpected mouthful of cum. The guy’s lady was pissed that he did what he did and wasn’t onboard with his reasoning. She was even more pissed because she felt like I’d be victimized but once I told her that, nah, not a problem, she kinda chilled out over the matter. During the break, she did tell me that my cum… tasted pretty good and that swallowing cum was a first for her. Does cum always taste like that? I had to tell her that, yeah, no, that’s not how it works – it’s different from guy to guy and even from one moment to the next and it… depends on some stuff. We get back into it and, this time, I’m allowed to fuck her and while I’m enjoying this, she’s sucking him and when he yells out that he’s gonna cum, she didn’t stop sucking him until he had no more to give.

And then, during the break, I’m sure he was feeling kinda weird because the two of us are… comparing notes about how his cum tasted and she’s comparing mine to his. I know how it feels to be told that some other guy’s cum tastes better than mine – it doesn’t feel good because, sure, we like to think that our cum always tastes like ambrosia and just like some women like to think that their pussy is the sweetest and most tastiness pussy a guy could ever get his mouth on and the reality… is whatever it’s gonna be.

Okay; I’m out of the gutter and done… for now. I don’t put a lot of importance on taste, but I am aware of it; it’s just part of the deal when you give head, and you love doing it as much as I do…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 February 23, 1612 hours

I had wanted to know the origin point of… oral sex. Bear with me on this one.

I’d had spent a wonderful afternoon sucking dick with a guy and as we complimented each other on our oral skills, he had said, “I wonder when people started giving head?”

I had said, “I don’t know but it had to be before written history.”

We both kinda shrugged and went back at it but on my way home, his question had stuck in my mind and, honestly, it had never occurred to me to wonder about when humans figured out that they could please someone sexually like this. Let the hunt begin! Over a period of a couple of years – off and on – I found that oral sex has been around for a damned long time, with early documentation in the Indian (the country) sexual culture and even documented in early Japanese history, with other references to the Roman and Greek dynasties, Persia, and even in a lot of African cultures.

Trying to track down “patient zero” proved to be impossible because a lot of what written history existed had been lost or, um, deliberately misplaced and I surmised that the real origin point took place way before we really had language, spoken or written. I’d run into the guy again – and for more cocksucking – and I had told him what I had discovered, which he thought was funny and that was because he didn’t think that I would actually try to find out but, yeah, he knew me – but he didn’t know me like that.

Humans have been giving and getting head for a damned long time. In some of the stuff I had read, a man sucking a man’s cock wasn’t a choice; it was sometimes an act of fealty to one’s lord or master; it was sometimes an act meant to demean and humiliate the one giving it and, where men were concerned, it was about dominance and submission, emasculation, humiliation and, again, obedience and loyalty. Women, it seemed, were made to do it, I dunno, essentially, keep them in a submissive place and more so when women, way back then, had little value or status as a person.

The Greeks knew about it early on and gave us the words fellatio and cunnilingus and, well, their sexual exploits were famous/infamous and right up there with the equally famous/infamous Roman orgies. I was seeing early paintings in Indian culture where both men and women were depicted sucking dick and eating pussy and the same for Japanese cultures, Greek, Roman and, surprising to me, Middle Eastern cultures before the advent of Islam. There were a lot of experts, at the time I was digging into this, who talked about the practice of oral sex among other animal species and, yeah, the famous/infamous Bonobo monkeys but they weren’t the only primates doing it and, oh, yeah – humans are primates.

I would, one day, just say that somewhere way back time and forever lost, humans figured it out. I would jokingly say that way back in prehistoric times, two men left their village to hunt and traveling far and away and, well, it gets lonely out there and, um, hmm, yeah, that happened. I “postulated” that women figured out how to orally pleasure each other since the menfolk would, again, leave and be out hunting for days at a time and, um, hmm, okay, that happened, too. I would read about the Temples of Sappho, enclaves of virgin women dedicated to worshipping the goddess Sappho and where no man was allowed entry – except eunichs – men who had either volunteered to be castrated or were castrated as a form of punishment. I would allow that, um, it was probably a safe bet that those women were worshipping something other than their goddess, if you catch my drift.

Fascinating stuff. I now move forward in time to the here and now and an ongoing forum debate on whether or not cocksuckers have to be submissive. Some of the comments are rather interesting and, so far, there’s a consensus that cocksucking is, indeed, a submissive act which kinda ties in to what I had learned back then and I’ve been of a mind that, yes, one “submits” to having a dick in their mouth but consent is implied – but history, as far as I could research at the time, was full of indications where one was made to submit to this and, yes, primarily women but not unheard of among men and as mentioned earlier. The act of giving head – sucking dick or eating pussy – can very well be an act of submission but there’s this and then there’s submissive behavior along the lines of things D/s, either in a “roleplaying” way or part of one’s personality and, yeah, the psychology starts to get complexly complicated but fascinating.

Many of the forum members who commented are of a mind that when they suck a man’s cock, it is his sole purpose to please the guy and to submit to whatever way the guy being sucked wants to use his mouth – and while deferring any pleasure themselves outside of that which is felt by being of service. There’s a “sub-thought” that being on one’s knees is an act of submission and, well, history is full of examples of this and as simple as kneeling before a ruler or taking a knee when being defeated and, as such, acknowledging the victor’s dominance over them. Add a dick in the mouth and, well, it makes sense… except, as we all know, being on your knees isn’t the only way to suck a dick. I take all of this talk about being a submissive cocksucker in because, if nothing else, it speaks to the personality and mindset of the men who say that, well, they’re submissive cocksuckers and they revel in their submissiveness. The top/bottom aspects of the dynamic, in the “early going” was that tops got their dick sucked and bottoms did the sucking and there was no debate or recourse in this and, as such, the top displaying dominance over the bottom and, sometimes, whether the “bottom” wanted to suck that dick or not.

Some of the things I saw and was exposed to in the early days were guys “making” the “weaker” guy suck his dick and take said dick in the ass… and, sad to say, sometimes, the making was of the force-applied variety; it was either suck the guy’s dick or get your ass kicked – and still wind up sucking the dick – and, yeah, guys being in this situation… submitted and the thought was that sucking the guy’s dick and swallowing his cum was a lot less painful than getting beaten up but it was also very humiliating and emasculating. As an aside – and as a practitioner of judo – I had learned a lot of ways to make an opponent submit and, as such, acknowledging my dominance over him; it was one thing to get thrown and a victorious point was given – there was no shame in losing on points but to lose because someone made you submit? Yeah, that can mess with your head and, um, if you’re wondering, no one had ever made me submit. Nope, wasn’t going there and the way to avoid this was to beat the other guy straight up or to get him in a compromising position and make him submit and now it was either get choked out or suffer some unbearable pain.

Lot of similarities going on here. There were times when I had the misfortune of running into one of these “bullies” and told that if I didn’t suck them off, they were going to beat me up; these guys lived to terrorize other guys that they presumed were weak or wouldn’t stand up to them but, ahem, what they didn’t know was that I loved to suck dick and they were often taken aback – and their so-called dominance neutralized when, if I was feeling the need to suck dick, I’d just say, “Okay – where?” but those who tried to physically make me submit to sucking them learned that, well, it was a mistake on their part.

All of this, of course, is “the dark side of cocksucking.” I had wondered that if one consents to sucking a dick, are they really submitting in any way? Is eating pussy considered to be a submissive act? Probably since women who wanted to be eaten would make it clear that, again, if you don’t lick it, you ain’t gonna stick it… but how did this work between women? You can see how convoluted this becomes but it seems like there are a lot of men with submissive personality traits who, again, revel in a D/s kind of way because they “get off” on being submissive. A lot of guys who are submissive talk about finding a dominant guy that they can service and, from where I sit, this is some… crazy shit but whatever is keeping their boat afloat.

The submissive cocksucking members “rule the roost” in this but then you have the guys like me who are cocksuckers… and we can’t pass the “submissive” test. We are of a mind that when we suck a guy’s dick, it’s not just about him and, really, until I ran into other guys who were like me, I thought that I was “the only one” who sucked dick and for the sheer joy of being able to do it and if it made homey happy, that was more of an “aftereffect” than it was the sole purpose. I’ve long been of a mind that, first and foremost, I give head to make me happy because it makes me deliriously happy. Yeah, I’m supposed to make the head good to and for the person receiving it but I had learned that if I’m having a grand time giving them head, they’re having a grand time getting it so it’s a win/win and, perhaps, selfishly, if they didn’t have fun, well, sorry about that… but I did.

There are guys like me who understand that the guy we’re sucking… isn’t in control of anything. It’s not that he “bent us to his will” but it is bending him to ours or, as I like to say, owning his ass. I decide how to suck his dick and I’m in control of his release and it is him that winds up “submitting” to whatever I feel like doing to his dick – or anything else I can get my hands on. I’ve had guys “order me” to suck their balls and, um, who the fuck are you talking to? And they don’t get their balls sucked, either then or at all because, dude, you’re not in charge of this and like you seem to think you are.

While the submissive guys talk about “the honor” of taking the other guy’s cum – and wherever homey chooses to release it (like in the cocksucker’s face and an act that I – and others – find to be humiliating) – the guys in my group talk about the empowering rush of making him give it up and that rush is better when we can make him give it up before he wants to. In this discussion, one member talked about taking a man’s cum in one’s mouth being an act of submission and the submissive cocksuckers always talk about getting the cum in their mouth as a reward for their efforts and… then there are guys like me who don’t see it like that. It’s… not something that we “submit” to being given: We take that shit from him. Guys would tell me, “Slow down!” or other such things because they didn’t want to be made to cum “too fast” and… I’ll take that under advisement. Sorry, dude, you don’t really have a say in this and you’re gonna give it up when we want it and… resistance is futile.

This is such an interesting topic of discussion. I kinda/sorta understand the submissive mindset and the more the guys who are submissive cocksuckers talk about being this way, the more I kinda/sorta understand it. It’s like a guy I had sex with said one day when we were about to get it on but he was telling me why he had decided to start having sex with men: He was tired of being the one to initiate sex and all that stuff that as men who have sex with women know all too well. He had said that by having sex with men, he put the onus to please on the other guy and it felt good to him to… submit to sucking cock and being fucked. He had said that it was a form of… escape from his manly duties and now being able to be in a “womanlier” role, he’d found a sense of balance within himself. He liked submitting to men and he had told me that whatever I wanted to do him was okay with him because it was all about my pleasure more than his.

Well, I wasn’t feeling that but I kinda understood how he felt, and I don’t doubt that there are a lot of men who are submissive with men who feel the same way. I see a lot of submissive cocksuckers taking the position that it’s better to give than to receive but, um, from what little I understand about being submissive, one could be made to submit to receiving and if they resist, well, are they really submissive in that sense? I point back to my time with my boyfriend who was about as submissive as I’ve ever seen a guy be. Whatever I wanted to do was fine with him and him telling me to use my imagination made me tell him that, um, yeah, you really don’t want me doing that because I can imagine a lot of shit. But I made him submit to… fucking me. I mean, why the fuck not? We were in love and that also meant giving and taking of each other. He didn’t like screwing me but he did it – and did it very damned good – but I do remember us talking about it and him saying that by screwing me, he was being submissive in a way that he didn’t want to be but he submitted and that didn’t make me feel good at all so I “withdrew” my request for him to screw me and things got a little “disconnected” because he made it clear that it was his job to please me… but; my side of it was that if it’s your job to please me, I’d be pleased to have his dick in my ass and filling me up with his cum. But I relented because “making him” submit to this really bothered him.

I’ve been with submissive cocksuckers and… they’ve had a fit about me wanting to suck them off, too. I learned that some of their resistance is because once they cum, it’s game over – that motherfucking refractory period of sex that just kills the shit out of us once we cum. And, yeah, I convinced them to… submit to being sucked off because, for one, I’m a cocksucker, too and, for two, why should he be the only one having this fun? Oh, they didn’t like being made to submit to it… but submit they did because, in my mind, being submissive isn’t just about what a submissive wants to do but also about what they may be asked to do that just might be out of their comfort zones and, yeah, I know that I really don’t understand this but I’m trying but I understand that D/s dynamics are… different. Guys are of a mind that male cocksucking falls into this dynamic and I – and other guys – beg to differ and most of us are of a mind that if the guy we want to suck doesn’t suck dick, well, that’s a deal breaker.

Ideally, it’s supposed to be mutually satisfying but the reality says otherwise and given how people have a list of things they’re not going to do but they have a list of things that you’d better do and, yeah, it all starts to get pretty messy and convoluted. I would often get accused of not really being a cocksucker because I have never been of a mind to do it (1) because he wants me to and (2) for his satisfaction only. Yeah, fuck that shit. My brain says that if I’m not going to have fun doing it, why bother with it? If I’m not going to get any enjoyment out of it, what am I doing it for? Trying to dominate me… yeah, that’s not happening; my mind does not work like that and, again, years of martial arts training makes me resist being dominated and unwilling to submit unless that’s the only viable option. A guy I was about to blow said, “Get on your knees and worship my dick!” and… I walked out and told him, “You got the wrong one, my man…”

I’m not the only male cocksucker who has this mindset and, you betcha, there are women who don’t, either. Yeah, I can see me telling a woman to get on her knees and worship my dick… and what’ll happen next will be something I won’t find pleasurable at all… which is why I have never said it and I never will because it’s a fucked up way to be as far as I’m concerned. Submissive cocksuckers – the male variety – makes me insane; so do the female variety because, okay, yes – I’d love it if you were to give me head but it’s their choice as far as I’m concerned and because of the… clusterfuck surrounding sucking dick, I learned to be appreciative of anyone who’d give me head… because they didn’t have to.

There are guys who I think haven’t learned this. I can go online right now and I guarantee you that there will be that one guy who feels that he’s so dominant that he’s not only going to demand that I suck his dick, he has the right to use my mouth in any way he feels like using it – and I don’t have a say in it. I have to obey and submit to his dominance. You can imagine how I respond to this bullshit because, yes, I suck dick and eat pussy… and there is nothing submissive about me. A woman says, “Get over here and eat my pussy!” and I will “obey” because, um, that pussy was going to get eaten and she didn’t have to say a word to that effect. Is eating pussy submissive? I have no idea, to be honest with you. But you can bet that I’m not eating her because it’ll make her happy; I’m doing it because I love it and it makes me happy and, again, if she didn’t like it all that much, I do apologize… but (a) I got to once again eat some pussy and (b) I had fun doing it.

Long ago, a guy told me, “You’re a selfish cocksucker!” because I didn’t obey his commands to take it slow and easy on him. It had hurt my feelings, too, until, as I reflected on what he said and why he did, I realized that… he was right. I wasn’t sucking his dick to make him happy but did it to make myself happy. I actually hunted him down so I could tell him that not only was he right about what he said but to ask him what he was bitching about because he knew that I was sucking his dick so he would cum and, unless I was mistaken, he did cum. His problem was that I made him do it before he wanted to and he’d said that because I made him cum before he wanted to, he didn’t really get to enjoy it and I told him, “That’s not my problem and maybe you’d be better off finding someone who’s willing to do things the way you want them done… because I’m not going to because this ain’t just about you.”

There are those who suck dick/eat pussy. Some do it because they like doing it; some do it because they know they’re expected to or are obligated to; and then there are givers of head who give because they fucking love doing it and it’s not so much about the person they’re giving head to – although it can be. When asked why I suck dick, my answer is, “Because it makes me feel good to do it.” Do I do it to make him happy? I’d be lying if I said I did… because I know I don’t. Oh, he’s going to be happy because I do try to “transfer” my happiness onto him and if, by chance, it makes him cum before he wants to, oh, well. Homey just got owned and, again, there’s this… rush. A kind of “ego trip.” It… feeds the need within me. You don’t have to ask me to go down on you because, to me, it’s a given unless you don’t want me to. Bummer.

To me and other men and women like me, it’s not about being submissive and in the sense that seems to be gaining strength in the world of oral sex. I feel… dominant when I’m giving head. It’s my will and skill against your will and wanting to draw this out for as long as possible. It’s not easy to make someone cum like this and I had to learn to be both patient and persistent and more so with women than men. One day, my protege and I were talking about us getting together and he was talking about the two of us edging each other for an hour or more and I said, “Really? Is that what you think is going to happen?” He said it was and I sent him the emoji of myself cracking the fuck up and with tears coming out of my eyes. I understand the edging thing. Not of a mind to do it because it might make the other person happy but it’s not going to… feed my need.

I was taught that if I didn’t leave them lying there and looking like I tried to kill them, I didn’t do it right… and I love doing it right. Whether they cum or not but, yeah, feel free to cum and don’t hold anything back. I’m not the greatest giver of head that ever lived… but I do love what I’m doing and I want it to be good for you… but I’m not submissive and in the sense that the only reason why I’m giving you head is to just please you. Oh, fuck no. But I… kinda get submissive cocksuckers and I say “kinda” because the psychology involved is complex and not all that easy to get a grip on. I’m learning some stuff about D/s from the women here and for which is an active part of their life; obeying their Sir and without question or complaint is, well, it’s them but they have an out or several of them if something Sir requires of them conflicts with their core beliefs – I think.

Men sucking cock is considered to be abnormal. History has shown that a man sucking another man’s cock wasn’t because he wanted to: He was made to do it and driven into submission to perform an act that women were made to submit to and the act itself is considered to be submissive because it’s “usually” done with the cocksucker being on their knees and that’s… a submissive posture that conveys dominance toward the person they’re kneeling to. Have I gotten on my knees to suck dick and eat pussy? Sure, I have and the submissive meaning of being on my knees wasn’t – and isn’t – lost on me… but I’m not submissive. I’ve had men and women take a knee to suck me and… I don’t think anything of it other than them about to give me head – and head that they didn’t have to offer or give. It’s not a comfortable position and I felt, at the time I was looking into this, it adds to the dominant/submissive nature of cocksucking – being on your knees doesn’t feel good. I didn’t like it when I was younger, and I dislike it even more now that my knees and I aren’t friends with each other at times.

It’s… not what you do but what you think about what you’re doing when you give head. I… understand this because, if nothing else, I know what’s going on in my head when I’m giving head. Submissive? Nope. Eager to please? Well, yeah, kind of because that pleasure begins with me because it absolutely makes no sense to do something that doesn’t give me pleasure and the drive to do it. I am not a member of the “it’s better to give than receive” club. It’s better to give and receive because, um, excuse me, but why should you be the only one to receive? Some submissive male cocksuckers say that it is their sole purpose in life to please men with their mouth and that this is the “only pleasure” they get or want – to make the other guy happy and to submit to his “dominance.” Porn shows cocksucking as being very damned submissive; I’ve read stuff about sucking dick that says that you must look up and make eye contact with the man you’re sucking and this, too, is part of the submissive nature of sucking a man’s dick and, okay, I get it… but it’s not something that pops into my mind because if I’m not looking at you while I’m giving head, it’s because my focus is on giving you head and I usually have my eyes closed anyway and I have looked up at times and… they have their eyes closed, too.

Some of the stuff I’ve read about cocksucking is… submissive in nature. It’s all about what you have to do to give and ensure their pleasure and to the exclusion of your own pleasure or, as those guys say, their only pleasure is pleasing the other guy first and foremost. Guys like me say, “Oh, fuck that shit! Who died and left you in charge?” Because one of the facts of the matter is that if you want to be sucked off, um, you won’t be if I chose not to get you to cum. Men and women like me are of a mind that the person we’re giving head to… is our victim. They’re at our mercy. If you cum too soon, not our problem because, duh, you did what we wanted you to do. If you don’t cum – but we wanted you to – well, I know some shit about that and I had to learn not to get totally pissed off because the other person, male or female, didn’t “get off” and that if they didn’t, it wasn’t because I didn’t do everything I know how to do to make that happen for them… and for me, too. Science stuff that most would find boring or of no real consequence but, yeah, I got to give you head and for me, that’s what mattered; the “Beast” has been fed and sated… for the moment and, hopefully, you’ve been pleased, too. I’ve failed to please this way and I accept my failures because you really can’t please everyone every damned time.

I just don’t buy into cocksuckers having to be submissive and as so many of the forum members believe or insist it is. I get that when I consent to give you head, I’m submitting to the act of giving it… and that’s as far as submitting goes. Yes, I want you to get off and getting you off adds to the pleasure I’m experiencing. It excites the shit out of me; I have cum all over myself giving someone head more times than I care to admit to at this time but, yeah, for me, it can be like that. Aahh… what a rush to give head! Instead of your pleasure being my pleasure, my pleasure is your pleasure and, as such, if you make giving you head unpleasant, it’s going to reflect on me and my own pleasure and… let’s not go there, okay?

What are your thoughts, readers? Feel free to share them because there’s no such thing as too much knowledge.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 25 February 23, 1620 hours

One of the highlights of my day is being able to mentor my protege in the ways of things bisexual. As mentioned before, he likes to show me pics of the men who are either checking him out or making him a proposition and when he does, we get to talking about these guys and one of the things I learned about him – and I’m not sure if he’s even aware of it – is that he tends to only show me the guys that he’d might have sex with.

Way back when we first met, a lot of what he had to learn was all about… doing. Breaking through some curious mental blocks he had put up and some… hypocrisies he was displaying, like, he’d want a guy to suck him off but was extremely leery about sucking the other guy off and me impressing upon him that it’s bad form to ask someone to do something that you won’t do so, yeah, if you’re asking the other guy to suck you off, how can you not respond in kind? Most of the time back then, a lot of our conversations would be about… how to be a bi guy.

Lots of “history lessons” and getting him to get rid of his stereotypical misconceptions; telling him about the many pitfalls that exist and strongly suggesting that he not fall into them while knowing that he would because there are some things that one has to learn the hard way. I’d tell him something, like, some guys can get very clingy and demanding and more so if you’re laying the pipe to them in a most excellent way. He said he could handle it and then found out that he couldn’t and, well, I told you, didn’t I?

I have watched him grow into his bisexuality but, yeah, he’s not quite there yet. He sends me pics of five different guys and we’re talking about them and I’ve found his taste in men to be… interesting. We were talking about a pic of one guy with, whew, a phone pole of a dick and, right away, he started talking about the guy wanting to stretch his hole out with that dick which is another thing I find interestingly curious about him because it’s not like he hasn’t been fucked before (and I had “warned” him that there would come a day when he would want to be fucked) and by guys with long, fat dicks and since he learned how to handle that, handling the guy with the phone pole shouldn’t be a problem for him.

There was another guy who was older, white, and seriously hairy and we both deemed him to have a nice dick and we got to talking about which of these two men would he not object to fucking him – which, usually and when we have these conversations, he asks me which guy would I want plowing my south forty and me telling him that it wouldn’t make me any difference because it’s not the size of the dick that is problematic: It’s the man it’s attached to that’s usually the problem. I had mentioned that I knew that he wouldn’t mind either of those men screwing him as long as he got to screw them as well… and he agreed that I was right about that. It’s one of the things I’ve learned about him; he no longer had that fear of fucking a guy and, well, he’s a self-professed top but one who tends to complain about being with men who get… weird when he wants them to give him a good screwing – but when we talk about those guys checking him out and making it clear that they want to bone the shit out of him, he almost always says that as long as he gets to do some boning, he’d be down for it.

I like to… mess with him by asking him, “So which one of these guys gets to dig in your backyard?” and his responses are consistently interesting because he gets… wishy-washy about one of these guys giving him da bizness back there while “reinforcing” his stance of being a top and, probably only in my own opinion, making a mistake that a lot of guys do. I had asked him once, “What makes you think that the other guy won’t want to fuck you? Do you really believe that declaring yourself to be a top excuses you from the other guy doing to you what you want to do to him? That he’s just gonna take the dick but not be of a mind to give it, too?”

Like, he had a moment of not understanding bottoms. What did they get out of only being fucked or “being the girl” in the deal? Lots of intellectual discussion about this but I had told him that if he really wanted to know, well, get screwed and find out. He’s a smart guy and he does understand the theories of male bisexuality but, for him, it’s always about what he prefers and, like so many other guys, falling into the trap of being stuck in a singular place. I’ve told him that he can’t complain about things not being as diverse as he wants them to be if he keeps falling back on his preferences and the very same preferences that are preventing him from experiencing the diversity he says he wants and craves.

One of the things I’ve been telling him of late is, “You gotta bring ass to get ass.” Now, back in the day, that usually meant that if you were of a mind to kick a guy’s ass for something, well, you’re not going to be kicking his ass without bringing your own ass to potentially be kicked, too. Sexually, it means that if you want to fuck a guy in the ass, um, you might want to be prepared for the possibility of getting fucked in the ass, too, and if that bothers you, hmm, you might want to rethink some stuff about this. Where his current FWB is concerned, he talks to me about wanting the man to fuck him and continues to wonder why there are men who aren’t of a mind to use their dicks and, more intellectual stuff about that but I keep finding ways of telling him that if he’s going to keep being weird about being screwed, he can’t really complain about his FWB not “using his dick” and as he expects… but doesn’t really prefer.

He loves to ask me what I would do with a particular guy who got his attention. Would I want the guy to fuck me? Would I fuck him? Suck that dick or let him at mine? And I keep telling him that as long as the guy is healthy and not my idea of an asshole, sure – he can get this ass as long as he also understands that I’m gonna want to fuck his ass, too. One of the “trick questions” I keep asking him is, “Why should he have all of the fun?” or when he talks about wanting to fuck me, “You do understand that I won’t be the only one getting fucked, right?” He says he understand this but he misses the lesson to be learned: If a guy agrees to you fucking him, do not ever assume that he’s not going to want to bury his bone in you, too.

He… had a “fit” one time when he’d fucked and creamed a FWB and had pulled out to bask in the glow… and got surprised when homey started making an entry and got to screwing him. Yeah, he hadn’t seen that coming because in all of their prior engagements, the guy didn’t give any indication that he’d want to do some fucking but now, yup, my boy is getting boned and got filled to overflowing with the guy’s cum. He spent a lot of time telling me that, first, he wasn’t in the mood for anal and griped about it not being what he preferred, and the shock of having not seen this coming when, um, I’d mentioned this to him more than “quite a few times.” I often find myself reminding him that this isn’t just about what he wants to do and if he’s not going to consider what the other guy might want to do, well, I’d advise you to start doing so because while it might be nice to have preferences, you can never discount the preferences of the other guy and you can never dismiss the fact that he’s not going to change his mind about something.

As a mentor, I want him to be the best bisexual man he can be. I do not want him to… be me – that would really mess him up because I’m a whole different kind of bi guy because I’m uninhibited, I don’t have preferences, “colorblind,” and dicks don’t scare me. I understood from the beginning that he was going to have to try to learn, as a middle-aged man, the things I learned before I was a legal adult. I will tell him, “Um, I wouldn’t do that…” when he’s talking about something that, nope, I wouldn’t even think about doing it – and I’ve done some shit with guys in my life. I’ll even tell him why I wouldn’t do it because, duh, I learned not to and, yeah, sometimes, the hard way. But if you wanna do that, go for it; just because it’s something that I wouldn’t do doesn’t mean you can’t do it but if I’m telling you why I wouldn’t, um, you might want to let that give you pause and think some more about it before you do it – and if you do it at all.

I’ve spent years getting him to stop thinking about his bisexuality being two different things when it comes to men and women; it’s a common mistake that a lot of new bi guys tend to make. I’ve spent years getting him to see that a lot of the things he’s going to experience with men are the same things he’s experienced with women and while there are obvious difference, be able to see the things that are common and more so when being bisexual isn’t all about having sex – it’s being able to effortlessly be intimate with someone and not having to think about it. It was a seriously difficult lesson for me to learn – but the difference between me and him is that I had a lot of years to absorb this lesson and take it to heart and, well, he’s got a long way to go in that regard. I know he’s going to make mistakes and I’ve told him this as well as what mistakes he was going to make and, yep, he made them anyway and I’ve not so much said, “I told you so!” as I have asked him, “What have you learned?”

He’s found out the “flaw” in being static. He expected to just be a top and in all that currently means. I keep pointing out to him that he cannot be diverse if he keeps doing the same thing and that being diverse doesn’t mean getting involved with the same type of guy he’s enamored with. Like other men, he has a type and if we are nothing else, we are creatures of habit; once we find a type, we tend to stick with that type and to the exclusion of all else. I’d asked him, “If you don’t do this with women, why would you do it with men?” He’s learned to not be so discriminating and picky when it comes to the women he wants to have sex with but he remains this way with men… and he knows it’s a mistake but, so far, it’s not one he’s been able or willing to step away from.

I continue to remind him that he will never be as diverse in this as he can be if he is unwilling to change the way he’s looking at this. He had shown me a picture of a really overweight guy and, “as usual,” had asked me if I’d have sex with the guy and I said, “Sure – why wouldn’t I?” and then turned right around and asked him why he wouldn’t… and watched him waffling all over the place about the guy not really being his type and other things that he deemed to be “attractive.” It prompted me to ask him, “What difference does it make as long as he has the desire and he’s willing to let you get at him? As long as he’s healthy and not your idea of a dick or an asshole, what does his weight have to do with anything?”

In this, I’m trying to teach him a lesson that I, too, had to learn: Don’t let your eyes deceive you. I told him – again – about the time a 400-pound gay man… handed me my head and in spectacular fashion, too – and I did not make the mistake in thinking that his weight was going to be a problem. No – this amazing man was graceful in bed and like he didn’t weigh as much as he obviously did and he flat out wore me out and almost put me to sleep. I didn’t go into the encounter with this guy thinking that he couldn’t sling the dick because I knew it would be a mistake to assume that and, yeah, he could give the dick just as good as he could take it.

He understands, at the theoretical level, that good sex is where you find it and that you can find it in anyone and in those you might not think about. I keep working on him to see the desire in someone else more than what he tends to look for and, namely, guys who are his type. My protege is a white guy who… isn’t of a mind to have sex with other white men. I’ve not be able to get him to explain this to me even though I know why because it was a lesson I had to learn, too, but his being able to explain this to me tells me something about him and where his head is. I’ve told him countless times that I “cut my teeth” having sex with Black men and I could have just stayed there except I found that other races of men were good to have sex with, too. For me, having sex with Black men is “more of the same” because it’s what I grew up with but that never means that I wouldn’t sleep with a Black guy – and I very much understand the concept of familiarity breeding contempt and he has a lot of “contempt” for other white males, not because they’d done him dirty but he sees white guys… all of the time and to the extent that he believes that they wouldn’t be good in bed and like his preferred type can be… or not so much.

We were talking about this one white guy who has been trying to get at him for quite some time and, from what he told me about the guy, there’s nothing wrong with him except the fact that they have the same skin color. Yeah, we’ve talked about opposites attracting and all that but this is an… exception to a rule about this because sameness can be attractive, too, since, um, both of you guys are of a similar mind about having sex and having sex with other men. Still, he was not trying to get with this guy and, to teach him the same lesson I had to learn, I kept insisting that he get with the guy because if he didn’t, he wasn’t going to learn something that I found to be important. He eventually did… and had the time of his bisexual life at that point. Now, that wasn’t bad at all, was it? My protege… talks a good game and just like a lot of guys do and it’s a mistake because it prevents one from learning… stuff. Again, you can’t complain about the “same old cracker” if you are unwilling to check out the other “boxes of crackers.”

He knows he needs to be more diverse in what he does and who he does but getting him to shit or get off the pot is proving to be difficult… but I am if nothing else, patient. I’ve asked him at times, “Why do you continue to deprive yourself of the sex you want with men? Why do you run back to what you know when you could experience something that you didn’t know?” He doesn’t suffer from “stranger danger” and it took some doing to get him to be more spontaneous than he had been and, well, now, that wasn’t hard or bad, was it? He’s been finding out that there is a lot more to being a bisexual man than he may have imagined.

He’s learning that I’m not joking when I tell him how deep this rabbit hole can be and that if he’s going to take a trip down this hole, he cannot be afraid or inhibited to explore things outside of his comfort zone. Being statis is… not really a good thing, like, guys who only like blondes, for instance, and you couldn’t talk them into having sex with a brunette or a redhead. But they, too, tend to complain about “the same old cracker” and, well, why aren’t you doing something about that because I happen to know that the “other crackers in other boxes” are and can be pretty damned tasty and satisfying.

I keep impressing upon him that while who has lots of importance, if he’s not focused on what – taking care of his need and desire to have sex – well, he’s just now beginning to understand some stuff about that. I love hearing him “complaining” about a guy’s “demographics” and asking him, “What… are you going to marry the guy? Y’all gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend?” and when he says no to those things, I hit him with, “Well, what’s the problem? He wants to blow you and wants you to dip your wick in him and, unless I missed something, that’s exactly what you had in mind, isn’t it?”

But if he lets those demographic things make decisions for him, he’s never going to be as… well-rounded as a bisexual man and like he says he wants to be. He’s changed a lot of stuff about his view on women and that’s a good thing but he’s… iffy about making similar changes about men. He continues to be a work-in-progress and the good thing is that he is very much aware of what he wants and needs to do in order to be the bisexual man he wants to be… he just has to get off his ass and do it and, importantly, without fear or self-inhibiting. To be sure, there are men out there who needs and deserves to be disqualified and it’s interesting that we have the same mindset about these unsavory guys – but I learned about them the hard way and I try to get him to not learn things this way but, again, yeah – sometimes, you have to. At turns, I ask him, “What have you learned?”

Because none of this will mean a damned thing if he’s not learning from it. He likes to call me a “nasty critter” and I don’t disagree with that assessment… because I am. I’ve had sex in ways that he only dreams about and for better or worse because as much as I can be about the person, I am all about the sex… because sex is good. I look at people and I don’t presume or assume anything because the “proof” is always in the doing. We were talking about “twinky Asian men” one day and he asked me if I’d ever had sex with one or, if not, would I. I told him that I have and would again because… why not? As long as the guy met my three “requirements,” why wouldn’t I? So what it the guy is kinda/sorta girly? Or he’s younger than my children? Or so skinny that I’d feel a need to feed him first? I have met people that I wouldn’t have sex with… but I’ve yet to meet someone I couldn’t have sex with.

I know how to say no… I just don’t say it all that often. Like, okay, really hairy guys just freak me out… but I’ve had great sex with them just the same. Uncut dicks are… just ugly looking. But it’s a dick… and I know a little something about getting them hard and making them soft again. I learned that if I didn’t keep pushing my boundaries outward, I couldn’t experience things and wasn’t going to learn anything. He understands this… but isn’t yet of a mind to push his boundaries outward and, like so many guys, is just content to stay… static in things. It’s a mistake and he’s beginning to understand that it is. It’s okay to have a type and all that but if you’re not willing to literally “taste the rainbow,” then what are you really doing and what are you doing to yourself?

Mentoring someone in this is… hard. I get inside his head and pick things apart because I can’t mentor him if I don’t understand who he is as a person and, well, I understand him. I just gotta get him to see that he can be… better as a bisexual male and, as such, be a better person that he already is; hell, I’d marry him because he’s one of the best human beings I’ve met in quite some times. I tell him that my job as his mentor is… to push him. My job is to… teach him some shit about being male and bisexual and some of the shit he has to learn isn’t just about having sex but giving him some lessons about that, too.

Ultimately, he has to find what works best for him; my job as his mentor is to help him find out what works and what doesn’t and won’t. My job is to, at times, disabuse him of a lot of the thinking that a lot of guys have about this. To rid him of his biases and “prejudices.” To show him the door but with the understanding that he’s the one who has to walk through it – and to not be afraid to.