Tag Archives: Sex

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: You Can’t Have It Both Ways

One of the things in the world of M2M that makes me scratch my head a lot goes a little something like this:

A guy finds that it is one hell of a rush to go to places with glory holes and spend some time sucking every cock that protrudes through the hole and, in turn, sticking his own cock through the hole and getting it worked over. He says that the rush of doing this is incredible and more so when he knows there’s a chance that he could be seen at such places and that could raise questions that, um, he might not want to answer.

In and of itself, hmm, that’s not really all that unusual in my opinion. Back in the day, it was not only one hell of a rush to be doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing, but the niggling though residing in the back of everyone’s mind was the risk of getting caught doing it and, yeah, by someone who’d take you to task for it.

What makes me scratch my head isn’t that there are guys who live for this particular rush… it’s the guys who also say that they’d like to lower their risks when they do this and, honestly, you can’t have it both ways. Common sense would suggest that if, in this scenario, you want to minimize the risk of getting caught, um, don’t do anything you don’t wanna get caught doing. There’s a reason why one of the big buzzwords in M2M is discretion or, “I won’t tell if you won’t!” but along these lines is also being able to go somewhere and do your thing and no one knows you were ever there; that way, you don’t risk having someone asking you why they saw your car in an area that you’re not known to frequent.

It just amazes me at how many guys want to do risky things but without accepting the inherent risks involved; it reminds me of the saying that everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die to get there. If frequenting glory holes, which is considered to be a form of having sex in public, is the thing that gives you the greatest pleasures, fine and dandy… but whenever you visit one – and, for the sake of this discussion – one you can’t walk to, you run the risk of having your car spotted in the area and you run the risk of someone asking, “Hey, did I see your car over by that adult bookstore the other day?”

Sure, there are a lot of cars that look just like yours but as these things tend to happen, the person seeing your car knows it’s your car and, yeah, it sucks to be you if you happen to have a unique car or your car has a vanity tag that’s known to be on your car. If that’s not bad enough, you just never know when someone you know might be in the area… or someone who knows of you (but you don’t know them) could be passing through. Hell, you could have just spent a couple of hours sucking cock and being sucked, come “sneaking” out of the place, and not even be aware that there were two people on the bus that went by who knows you when they see you.

Now, if it’s known that you go to such places, it’s probably not a problem… but if it’s not your MO, yup, questions could be asked and the risk of getting outed is pretty good and more so when you’re trying to fib your way out of things and the person asking knows you’re not being truthful about the reason why you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

So how does a guy lower his risk of discovery? Let me tell you a kinda short story…

When I was in tech school, every Friday at the end of our duty day, we’d get a safety briefing, like keeping an eye out for flying garbage cans, not walking off of roofs, stepping in front of Mack trucks (and lots of other silly and improbable things)… and we were always and seriously reminded that it ain’t illegal until you get caught – so don’t get caught. This always sticks in my mind every time I see or hear of a guy saying that he wants to suck cock like it’s illegal… but he doesn’t want to get caught doing it (or asked about it). Again, if you don’t want to find yourself answering questions about why you were seen at such-and-such a place that you’re not known to frequent or have a reason to be there (other than having a ball sucking dick), um, don’t frequent such places.

Because you never really know who might see you and they could be just nosy enough to ask you why you were there. It is said that without risk, there is no reward; it stands to reason that if one wants the reward, sure, one must take whatever risks are required but it’s also about accepting the risks and then being prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. It’s my thought that it is highly unrealistic to think and/or believe that you can run around like a cock sucking fiend and do it without any risk of someone coming to you and asking you a question you probably aren’t of a mind to answer truthfully.

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Posted by on 18 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Much-dreaded Hookup

Okay, so you’ve seen the title of this scribble… and I’m wondering if a cold chill just ran down your spine or you’re squirming in your seat or even thinking that if you could avoid a hookup for sex (aka the booty call), that would be a good thing; maybe the title invokes the memory of your last hookup (if you had one in the last decade or so) and whether or not it was enjoyable or not.

There’s a perception about bisexuals that says – to be blunt – we’ll fuck anything that’s human, moving, and above ambient temperature.  There’s some truth to this where bi guys are concerned because, duh, we have sex on the brain and the hunt for a like-minded guy becomes rather important.  That perception says that we’re indiscriminate and, again, there’s some truth to this but you might be surprised at how many bi guys are not fans of casual sex; oh, it’s not as if they aren’t eager to get their freak on in this regard but, here lately, more guys seem to be holding out for at least a FWB deal or something a bit more than that.  Guys are talking about dating other guys and they’re also talking about not giving up the booty or the dick on the first date; they’re also talking about passing up on guys who aren’t interested in more meaningful sex or if you’re all about the much-dreaded hookup, well, you can keep on moving.

It’s not wrong for someone to want what they want and in the way they want it… but something keeps sticking in my head about this, namely, something I read several months ago that said women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship; when you think about this, well, that makes some sense – at least I thought it did.  If we can take this as a sort of truism, guys hooking up with other guys for sex serves two purposes:  The first and most obvious one is sex but one never knows when a relationship might happen because of a hookup.  What I see are guys who are passing up on the much-dreaded hookup so they can put getting into a relationship first and whatever sex becomes a secondary concern.   Again, nothing wrong with this… except you’re dealing with men and, basically and generally speaking, we don’t operate like that.  Oh, it’s not that some of us don’t want a relationship kind of thing with another guy but to be a bit crude, you gotta bring ass to get ass or, to be more polite – and to swipe something I heard said years ago (in reference to the Powerball lottery), “If you don’t play, you can’t win…”

Guys who aren’t fans of casual sex have a problem:  If they don’t get out there and, um, interview guys – and that usually means having sex with them because, well, you know how we are about that, then they’ll never know if the next guy who comes along will be Mr. Right… or merely Mr. Right Now.  Sure, guys put themselves out there, hitting the various sources that are available these days but the other problem they run into is that many of the men who may contact them can be more Mr. Right Now than Mr. Right and, duh, that’s because a lot of guys who are about M2M stuff aren’t in the least bit interested in getting involved in anything that remotely resembles a romantic situation.  So more often than not, the guys looking for Mr. Right wind up being very frustrated and some kinda/sorta “give up” engaging in this, um, interview process because in their minds, sex without a connection other than lust doesn’t mean a whole lot.

When I hear guys talking about this and how they’d prefer to avoid the much-dreaded hookup, jeez, the things they say prompts me to remind them of something that, perhaps, they’re not paying much attention to, i.e., you’re dealing with other men and, going back to that thing I mentioned, we look for sex and find a relationship.  One of the things that has made M2M so attractive is that a lot of the “mushy stuff” gets bypassed… or, let’s just cut to the chase, get naked, get our dicks hard, and handle this business… and whatever happens after that, well, we’ll deal with it then.  Despite the perception, yeah, sure, most guys aren’t gonna just hit the sack with just anyone – there is some due diligence that must be taken care of even if for the sake of one’s safety.  But the guys who have an aversion to the much-dreaded hookup take this to the next level by insisting that some kind of being into that doesn’t have shit to do with having sex be on the table first and foremost.  It’s not that they won’t meet with a guy, you know, to eyeball him and see if he matches his online description but they also hold tightly to the rule that you just do not have sex with someone you’re meeting for the first time…even if the urge to have sex is practically eating you alive.

Guys who fall into this category will stick to their principles in this while wondering why it’s so hard for them to get the cock they want.  It’s not as if they don’t know that the easiest way to get the cock they want is to “hook up” with a guy and have sex with him because they do know this… they just don’t wanna “cheapen” themselves and I’m gonna say this without any offense meant to anyone reading this but sometimes these guys act like women tend to behave in this and they act as if the guys they’re after are, themselves women.  Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this… but I do find it very curious and more so when more and more guys are complaining that they’re not getting the dick they want because they can’t find Mr. Right.

Don’t get me wrong:  Finding a Mr. Right does make quite a bit of sense but traditional dating habits aren’t always gonna work toward this goal… because your target audience is male and, once again, males who are more interested in sex than anything more binding than that… although, if the stars and planets do happen to line up the right way after some sex has jumped off, well, okay, this is something that can be worked on  – and the key phrase here is “worked on.”  Relationships of any kind do not tend to happen all by themselves even though we – and this means [generally] most people – are looking for that chemistry or click right off the bat and not considering that even attempting to establish a relationship of any kind takes some work… and, I guess it’s sad to say, when this is between guys, that just might include some sex as a prelude to anything more than some mutual nut-busting.  Still, it seems to me that if you aren’t willing to get out there and interview for Mr. Right – and that includes some pipe cleaning – then you may find yourself sitting and waiting while having none of your needs in this taken care of.

That old saying about breaking eggs to make an omelet comes to mind at this point.  I dunno… the angst toward casual sex is deeply ingrained in us and to the point where those folks who are not adverse to casual sex are looked at as if there’s something wrong with them; you know who I’m talking about – the women people call sluts and the guys who are tagged as being dogs and both are – and have historically been – looked at in some very unkind ways because, you also know, fornication – that’s sex without being married – is considered to be a sin in almost every culture on the planet.  There’s a reason why the phrase “living in sin” exists after all.

It seems to me that if a guy is looking for some kind of “being into” relationship with another guy, it becomes a question of what he’s willing to do in order to make this happen, thus, if “Pete” isn’t willing to suck a few cocks to find the guy he can be with on a more, um, intimate basis, what does our hypothetical guy think isn’t going to happen?  I’m reminded of a part of an old song that says, “You gotta use what you got to get what you want (or something like that – close enough for government work)” and as I recall, the song was about women stepping to the plate and doing whatever they gotta do in order to accomplish their goals.  The bi guys who find themselves sitting and waiting for Mr. Right tend to find themselves on the outside looking in because they “refuse” to use what they have to get what they want.  They say that casual sex is meaningless and empty and that’s because it’s what we’ve been made to believe in… but what does this really mean?  Are they saying that sex, in and of itself, has zero meaning without a relationship being a part of the deal and if so, how the hell is that possible when we also know that having sex tends to feel pretty damned good… and feeling good does, in fact, mean something?

Over and over, I’m not ever gonna say that waiting for Mr. Right to come along is a bad thing; I’m just gonna say that if a guy has that very serious itch that can only be scratched by a hard cock, sitting and waiting isn’t going to scratch that itch; in fact, the itch just gets worse the longer it goes unattended.  What puzzles me is that it’s not like the guys looking for a relationship kind of thing doesn’t know this – it’s why they don’t adjust their game plan so that, at the very least, their itch gets some attention or, like I said to a guy on the bi guy forum, if at the very least you get laid, well, isn’t that a good thing and better than not getting laid at all?

Finally, there’s the person you want to be with… and then there’s the person you can be with and in whatever form or context that might be.  It seems to me that if one doesn’t check out the person they can be with, how do they expect to find – or even cultivate – the person they want to be with?  When you hear a lot of guys talking about they haven’t gotten any dick yet (or in a long time) because they’re waiting for the right guy to come along, you get the impression that this right guy is just gonna magically appear out of the blue when, I dunno, maybe it’s common sense that says that you gotta do some work not only to find him but to also lay down the groundwork toward establishing the desired relationship status… and that, sorry to say, might also include the much-dreaded hookup.

Sigh… all of this reminds me that if you believe women are funny about this, guys are even funnier and I don’t mean in a humorous way.  I don’t judge anyone where this is concerned but I’m the guy who’ll ask the questions that, perhaps, no one else will ask.  They say that good things come to those who wait; they also say he who hesitates is lost, if you snooze, you lose, and those who refuse to change will be left behind; it’s said that it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all.  And, oh, yeah, if you keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep you off your feet, you’re not gonna get any dick.  Period.  What you will get, however, is a lot of emotional turmoil that’s not good for one’s blood pressure and/or mental state.

Just sayin’…

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Posted by on 3 January 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Let Me Ask You Something

Here’s the question:  Does sex always have to be meaningful and if it does, why?  See, I was just editing my blog entitled, “Well, Duh…!” which was about women complaining about how dudes always wanting to fuck them was getting on their last good nerves and how they’re not being appreciated in other ways and as I made some corrections, I got to thinking about how most people are loathe to have sex that doesn’t “mean” something or, simply, they’re not keen about having casual sex or doing it just because they feel the need to get laid.

You see and hear more and more people stating that in order for them to have sex with someone, they have to “be into them” or someone has to be into them before any sex can jump off.  I still see instances of people – mostly women, I’m afraid – who insist that while they do, in fact, love getting laid, they need it to mean something to them and I’ve always guess that this means that they’ll only have sex with someone they love and, as such, have an investment with the person looking to pack their stuff.

And, yes, I got to wondering about this and my mind almost immediately went back to what I was told when I was old enough to understand it, that being, you should only have sex with someone you love… and the implied, unspoken thing is that having sex while in love has more “meaning” than sex that happens without love being in the picture at all.  I think that because, culturally, we’ve enacted a great deal of negativity regarding casual sex – sex that happens outside of wedlock (or some other relationship state), a lot of us are compelled to believe that NSA sex doesn’t “mean” anything; it has no material value, is thought to be harmful and a few other things and I did think back to the religious admonishment about fornication and how sinful it is just to do it simply because it can be done.

And, yes, I can easily admit that I enjoy sex when it “means” something… but I’m not sure I could describe what “meaningful” sex is because, um, I also enjoy sex when it has no meaning other than to scratch that very annoying itch.  I am, of course, aware that since we have self-esteem/respect and are acutely aware of our personal worth and value, we are loath to throw down with someone who, in essence, doesn’t give a fuck about us or otherwise have no real investment in us because we’re just a means to an end… but isn’t this also true when the sex “means” something?  If you care to examine it closely, wouldn’t you see and/or realize that even when the sex “means”something, you’re still a part of that means to that desired end?

I asked a woman once what she meant when she said, “If I’m gonna fuck you, it has to mean something!” – and it didn’t surprise me that she couldn’t really answer the question.  And, yes, we did fuck (oh, man, did we ever!) but I was still wondering what it meant when one says that sex is doable if it has meaning.  Like I confessed, I’m on board with this… but I’ll be damned if I can tell you what the hell that means, well, and have it make sense.  Again, I think we’ve been so deeply conditioned not to give up our bodies unless there’s some… investment in play, like being into each other, being in love with each other, and being bound by a relationship.  Even though NSA is quite popular, well, many people will tell you right off the bat that while they’re fans of NSA sex, they wouldn’t just fuck anyone even though they could, in fact, do just that.

Enter that need for some kind of attraction or that often misunderstood concept of chemistry or that “click” that tells us that not only should we let the other person into our underwear, the sooner we do it, the better it’ll be for us.  My God… I’ve heard and seen so many people speak on this and, if I were to sum it all up into a high-level kind of thing, the lack of attraction/chemistry doesn’t lend itself to “meaningful” sex.  Many people insist that if there’s no attraction or chemistry, there will be no sex… even though every fiber of their being is screaming at them to get laid or suffer some uncomfortable consequences, oh, like, guys passing up a chance to fuck a willing woman and winding up with a very painful case of blue balls.  I’ve wondered – and not for the first time – if attraction/chemistry is really necessary in order for (a) sex to happen and (b) for the sex to be satisfying and mostly because I have, in my time, have had sex with people I’ve been attracted to and/or got hit with the power of chemistry… and the sex, while good, seemed to lack any real “meaning” other than making some orgasms happen.  Likewise, I have had sex with people who I haven’t been attracted to or have felt any chemistry for… and it’s been just as good (and sometimes better)… but where’s the “meaning” here?

Or are we “collectively” saying that lust, which conveys its own meaning, isn’t valid or doesn’t serve the purpose to provide “meaning” to having sex?  No, it’s isn’t as if I really don’t know what the deal is about this because I do… but, as the byline for my blog says, this is about what’s in my head and, well, this happened to be in my head when I decided to write all of this.  So, to continue, I’m wondering how many times a person has been attracted to someone and decided to have sex with that person based on that attraction… and then, after it’s all said and done, found themselves wishing that they hadn’t?  Does this – or could this – imply that the sex had no “meaning” to it other than being a waste of time, energy and some bodily fluids?

Is “meaningful” sex really a trust issue?  Yep, we do tend not to have sex with someone we feel or believe can’t be trusted but even if we deem them to be trustworthy – and whatever the hell that might mean to an individual – does that trust lend itself to the sex being “meaningful?”  Does getting laid have to have some sort of meaning as a matter of course… or is this merely a social construct and one that, essentially, says that you should only have sex with someone you love or deeply care about and if you don’t care or love the object of your lust, well, the sex won’t mean shit?

Yep, sometimes, I am just amazed at what will pop into my head at any given moment.  Does being in love assume that the sex has meaning?  Does attraction lend itself to whatever “meaningful” sex is?  Does being in a relationship provide this “meaning” that we all seem to require?  Or is it “simply” because we are told that unless certain things line up in a certain way, any sex we might have outside of these conditions lacks meaning and value?  Like I said, I can remember my parents telling me to (a) keep my dick in my pants (not exactly in those words) and (b) that I should never have sex with anyone I didn’t care about or love because if I did, well, I would most certainly regret it.

I subsequently learned that I could, in fact, find myself regretting it even when those conditions were met and, yep, even those conditions weren’t even in the picture, uh-huh, I’ve had some pretty good (and damned good) sex with people I didn’t care about or love or even wanted to be in a relationship with.  So I wonder if this “sex has to mean something” this is a self-defense mechanism we all create for ourselves so that we can protect, as best we can, our sense of self-worth and our self-esteem?  Oh, can I mention that both of these things can be damaged and utterly destroyed even when the sex does has “meaning” to it… or is supposed to have “meaning?”

Aight, time for me to end this and find something else to get out of my head…

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Posted by on 6 November 2015 in Life, Living and Loving


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Well, Duh…!

A few days ago, I was going through an app for a site that I’ve been a member of so long that if I had to log into that site, chances are I wouldn’t remember my username and password for it.  Anyway, I’m clearing out the “tweet-like” messages that appear there 24/7 with people just saying whatever happens to be on their mind when I noticed that a lot of the items I was getting rid of were from women who were complaining about men always wanting to fuck them and with sentiments ranging from, “Is that all the f*ck you dudes think about?” to what I’d call the usual sentiments about valuing women beyond what their bodies have to offer and even a couple of sentiments that would suggest that access to their bodies comes with some consideration about financial remuneration.

As I cleared the last of the messages I found myself shrugging and thinking that while there are a lot of things in life that can be considered to be generational, the angst women have regarding their role in the cycle of life hasn’t changed much in my memory.  Now, ladies who are reading this, put away the rolling pins, frying pans, and other potentially dangerous things; I am not a misogynist, a male chauvinistic pig, or whatever other negative epitaph that might come to mind so if what I’m about to say offends you, please, don’t let it offend you – I’m just making an observation, okay?


So, I guess about ten minutes later, I was flipping through Tumblr and, yes, taking in all the eye candy that manages to find its way to me; I see women… lots of women… women of all shapes, sizes, colors, etc., and either tastefully nude, crudely nude, fully clothed, and in more, ah, sexual situations than the Kama Sutra, both, um, professionally and not so much, just women loving the skin they’re in and all that good shit.

My mind flashed back to what I had been doing and the complaints those women were lodging about being seen more as sexual objects than anything else and I thought, “Well, why in the name of God do you think this is?  You were made for sex, from the top of your heads to the bottoms of your feet!  Your whole body was designed to attract us, from the size of your breasts, to the shape of your ass and hips and, yeah, you’re damned right, right down to that place that is so coveted and desired that it just isn’t funny!”

Yes, yes, I know – and because, like many guys, I had no choice but to learn this – that women have value beyond the allure of their bodies and that your minds are just as valuable; what’s going on inside your heads can be equally attractive which, at least to me (I ain’t gonna speak for any other guy in this), just adds to your overall allure and is a clear sign that you’re more than just a means to an end… which doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t want to screw you every chance we get.  Sorry, ladies, but that’s just the way it’s always been… but I’m not telling you anything you didn’t know already, am I?

I took a moment to recall this one woman holding forth about all the decent brothers who are out there on the DL and, as she put it, “being all thuggish and laying the pipe to each other…” and I thought – and, ladies, it came unbidden so put the knives away – “Well, if y’all wasn’t so funny about giving up the booty, ya might never have to worry about something like this causing you any emotional discomfort…”  And, yeah, I actually commented back to her with these exact words and as far as I know, she hasn’t deigned to say anything in return and a part of me was wishing that she had said something along the lines that I would have found to be a “typical” response to such a comment.

Do a lot of us know that you’re more than just a piece of ass, that means to a messy end?  Yes, we do and, as a matter of fact, it’s a lesson most of us learn before we even become sexually active and start chasing after you, that women have to be cherished, valued, and just treated right because if you don’t or can’t do these things, guess what’s not gonna happen?  We learn that it’s not really “He who has the gold makes the rules;” it’s more like “She who has the pussy makes the rules” and it’s not like y’all don’t know this… just like there are a lot of women who just will not ever let us guys forget this very important fact.

It is what it has always been… but one of the things that always gets me scratching my head (or beating it against a wall) are those women who almost constantly complain about not being able to find a man who will love and cherish them as the human being they are… but, in the same breath, will also make it known that if you even think you’re gonna get a whiff of her coochie, well, you can forget that shit right off the bat.  Some of these women are of the variety that they are so damned hot and sexy, celibate priests want to fuck them and, yeah, that’s seeing women with their clothes on, mind you; just like with food, we eat with our eyes first and what we see of a woman greatly lends itself to that all important first impression and, yes, ladies, I’m not gonna lie to you:  That first impression is either, “Damn, I wanna do her!” or it can be, “I wouldn’t fuck her with my worst enemies’ dick!”  Again, it is what it is, what it’s always has been because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

One woman commented, “If I could get the right man for me without any sex being involved, I’d be happier…” and, well, again I’ll apologize but if you’ve ever wondered why men think women are insane, this comment pretty much tells you why.  I’m almost willing to bet that this woman – and like a lot of women I’ve heard utter sentiments like this – would, at some point, start to wonder why the guy she’s dating ain’t trying to screw her brains out.  Well, um, duh, could it be due to the fact that you’ve voiced a great dislike for being handled like a sex toy?  Once again, this always reminds me of an old Bill Cosby (before he got on everyone’s shit list) routine where Eve kept saying to Adam, “Come here, come here, come here, oh, no!  Get away, get away, get away!  Wait, come here!  No!  Get away!”

I got to thinking about the one woman who commented, “Sh*t, I might as well be a lesbian!” and I guessed that she had expressed this because she was having some problems getting some dick; I also thought, looking at her picture, that she was quite pretty… but I was also reminded that while beauty is only skin deep, ugly can be very deep to the bone so I was wondering just how many men were trying to get with her like that… until she opened her mouth and started talking?  And then I wondered – and as I tend to do when I see women saying things like this – if the thought ever occurred to her that she’s not getting the cock she needs because she’s going out of her way to make sure she doesn’t get any?

On Tumblr, this woman wrote a rather long, convoluted story – and with pictures that visualized her reactions (none of them what I would call good) about this guy who was begging her to suck his dick.  She admitted that when she did blow him, she had him crying for his mama (and anyone else who might have been able to help him) and, well, she was fairly bragging about how good her cock sucking skills were… while wondering why this “scrub” was trying to get more of the same from her.  I commented, “Well, if you weren’t so good at doing that, you’d never have to worry about dudes coming back for more, would you?”  Oh, yeah, and this particular woman is fond of putting up posts that speak to how much she wants and needs to get laid, anytime, anywhere – but how that’s not happening enough to make and keep her happy.

She commented back to me, too, saying, “Yeah, you’re right, but I’m more than just a damned good cocksucker…”

And I just laughed softly to myself along with the obligatory eye rolls.  I closed Tumblr and opened another app to check on my game progress… but my original thought – women are made for sex – persisted.  I thought, as I played my game, about our built-in biological imperative to make babies; I thought about how humans are among the elite of the entire animal kingdom because we like to have sex just because it feels so damned good to do it and not solely for the purpose of procreation.  I thought about how men and women are raised with differing views on the whole sex thing and how social norms (read this as part of our morality on the issue) just sets us at odds with each other about this.  Yep, ladies, I do know that our need to screw you (and just because we wanna screw you) can make us do some pretty fucked up shit in order to accomplish that goal; as a bisexual man, I am all too aware of what a dude will do or say to accomplish the task of getting his rocks off so, yeah, I do get some of why y’all are the way you are about giving it up.

I just thought – and not for the first time – that women who complain about guys chasing them for the pussy… but who also turn right around and complain about guys bypassing them for this, well, that’s just some insane shit.  We are told that, in life, you just can’t have it both ways… except, um, women are clearly an exception to a rule that’s been around since God told Adam and Eve to go ye forth and multiply (and she turned him down that very first time and only God Himself knows why she said no).  Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that women have value that goes beyond sex; I get that women want us to feel more than just lust for them and that we should appreciate everything about them… except, us wanting to have sex with you goes along with that… doesn’t it?

According to the women I saw riffing about this, um, apparently not.  As seen on the app I mentioned, there isn’t a day that goes by that there aren’t a lot of women with this angst against sex who are voicing this, ah, schizophrenic point of view, complaining about the lack of sex and complaining about being pursued for sex and all in the same sentence.  Many of them wind up including so many conditions and requirements for getting in between their legs that, honestly, I’m not all that surprised that no one wants to fuck you… because you’re pretty much going out of your way to make sure it doesn’t happen… and, again, they wonder why no one wants what they have to offer?  Yes, I also know that there’s a lot more to this… situation that I haven’t mentioned and I haven’t mentioned them because there’s not enough hours in a day to write about every last nuance around this

It just struck me as being continually odd to see so many women – and on an hourly basis – pitching a bitch about this.  Not all women are comfortable with casual – read this as non-relationship – sex… but there are women who, like some men, just can’t handle being in a relationship so I wondered that if these women who were riffing about this were doing so because of some inability to have sex in the proscribed relationship setting, well, wow, I mean, really?  Intelligently, I’m sure these women know (giving them the benefit of the doubt) that you don’t have to be in a relationship to get laid if and when you need to get laid… but this isn’t an intellectual exercise and I don’t think it ever has been because you can, in theory, get a woman to agree that, intelligently, having sex just makes sense and along a great many lines which include both physical and emotional health concerns… but some will say, “I know, but…” and here comes the emotional reasons why this isn’t such a good idea, from having been used in the past, to fears of being labeled as a slut, and right down to that conditioning women get that says, in some circles, that you just never give up the booty without a damned good reason to give it up which, oddly, doesn’t seem to include giving it up because they do, in fact, need to get laid and if it’s NSA (no strings attached), so much the better (sometimes).

There’s a song, written and performed by a woman, that has in its lyrics, a, um, statement (I guess) that women have to use what they got to get what they want and part of the female mystique for men has been the question, “Well, what do they want?”  That there are women these days who, for who know whatever reasons, believe they can get what they want without giving up the booty just continues to amaze me… and probably a lot of other men, too.  We know – or we should know – that love and sex are not the same things and that they do, in fact, work very well together even though, in reality, they aren’t always mutually inclusive… because that’s just how some people are.  Still, the women I saw riffing about this also said that they need a dude to be into them and more than just for the fruit of their loins and, fine, okay, I can understand that well enough; again, I know that women have value beyond just this… but the question I would universally ask these women – and I think I just might the next time I open that app – is what, exactly, do you think “being into you” really means?  I mean, do these women truly understand that us “being into them” also includes a great desire to fill them up with dick, too?

I would (and might) ask these same women that if you’re all about relationship sex only, why is that when the relationship begins, you’re laying the pussy on homie like there’s no tomorrow… but a couple of months from now, eh, not so much and, yeah, your main complaint is now about this guy who is into you is the fact that he literally wants to be into you in the majority of times?  If those women are, in fact, all about relationship sex only, um, did it ever occur to them that the reason why they’re not in a relationship and kicking holes in the walls and breaking the bed isn’t because there are no men worthy of them… it’s because they’ve created a world for themselves that, for all intents and purposes, makes guys not want to be in a relationship with them, oh, like insisting that they be appreciated for things beyond sex and turning right around and kicking a guy in the nuts for not wanting to lay the pipe to them?

We – men – have come to accept this as a matter of course, that women are “just funny” about this… but sometimes – and I don’t know about other people – I just wonder why no one ever questions this behavior and more so when, at least on the surface, it kinda doesn’t make a lot of sense to (a) complain about dudes (and even women) wanting to fuck you and (b), in the same breath, complain about the lack of sex in their lives.  And before any women reading this gets it into their head to tell me that I just don’t understand it, I will concede that you’re right; not only do I not understand it, I have reason to believe that no one, not even women understand this behavior… which is why I get it in my head to question it at times.

Women are just so deliciously insane and, yeah, sometimes, it’s this insanity – along with your innate beauty – that compels us to want to fuck you beyond that biological imperative to do so.  Women accuse of, and I might add, justifiably so, that all us guys think about is having sex with them… but you were designed for this; everything about you lends itself to our desire to want to screw you and relationship status notwithstanding.  If we – men – are guilty of having that one-track mind, um, well, there’s a reason why we do and it’s because you’re women:  Period.  There’s something about you – your looks, your mind, whatever, that makes us do whatever we gotta do in order to have sex with you… and it’s not that women really have an objection to this… but, yeah, according to those women I’ve been mentioning, there’s clearly an objection that seems to be ingrained in them, huh?

If a woman is both complaining about the fact that guys want to fuck them and, at the same time, complaining about not being able to get fucked, I wonder if she ever really thinks about why this is?  And, if like a few of those women, one is complaining about the lack of sex more than guys hitting on them, um, I wonder if they ever give any thought about what they’d have to change about themselves in order to get laid more often?  Oh, and if they have given it some thought, uh, why haven’t they effected the changes that will get them the sex they say they crave?

I know I’m not the only man to think about this; I’m just the one with the nerve to ask the questions that no one ever seems to want to ask about this and, yes, at the risk of pissing off some women in the process which, I’ll remind you, ladies, isn’t intentional.  It’s just that if women want us to understand them, some really hard questions have to be asked and “I don’t know” really isn’t an acceptable answer because if you – women who riff about this – don’t know, then who does?

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Posted by on 2 November 2015 in Life, Living and Loving


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Deprived or Depraved?

As I stood at the kitchen sink, washing a few dishes that were leftover from last night, I was thinking about sex at the general level, from the warm and comfortable sex one can have with a wife or girlfriend, the kind of sex that’s not just about answering the call of nature but is all about demonstrating love, affection, and desire, to the kind of sex that is all about answering the call of lust, that need for release that can be delightfully impersonal and even the kind of sex that is morally illicit, you know, that thrill you get when you’re fucking someone that, morally, you have no business fucking, like another man’s wife or husband, a close friend, even maybe a distant relative – and all because it can be done and to hell with the consequences; I even thought about those private moments where the sex is a solo act, just you and your hands and fingers, sitting, standing, or lying somewhere you won’t be disturbed or interrupted until your release is achieved.

I thought about how we go out of our way to limit the sex we have, more often than not saving our lust for the right person at the right time and even under the right situation or circumstances, all the while believing what we’ve been told in our youth, that sex is such a special thing that instead of experiencing it in as many ways as possible, we must be a lot more reserved and, at all times, resist what our bodies might be telling us that run contrary to the mandate not to give up our bodies for sexual pleasure to just anyone who happens along.  I thought about how this mindset makes us afraid of sex; it puts us in a position to not understand what sex is really supposed to be like – instead, we want to be that sex serves a single purpose and then only a purpose that is morally sanctioned:  How many of us have been told that we should only have sex when we’re old enough to accept the responsibilities, or that we should remain virgin until we fall in love and to even remain celibate until we’re married?

How many of us find reason to deny ourselves sex?  How many of us have looked at our sexual past and tremble in fear at all the times the sex went badly or not really to one’s liking and then allow those missteps to dictate how we have sex going forward?  How many of us are so afraid of the power of sex that we set our standards as high as possible… and then so high as to make it nearly impossible for anyone to have sex with us; how many of us, out of frustration or some other preventable emotion, choose to give up the pursuit of sex even though they’re more than capable of engaging in such a pleasurable activity?

And all without really understanding that something could take place that can steal this joy from us and, ultimately, will take our ability and desire to have sex and drop into the unreachable abyss?  As I washed Linda’s coffee cup (even though she doesn’t drink coffee anymore), I wondered how many of us will, at the moment we have our desire and ability to have sex taken away from us, find themselves filled with regret over all the things they could have done… but didn’t do… and all because they held themselves to a standard of behavior that’s designed to not really allow us to fully indulge in the pleasures of the flesh?

When I thought about what I know of human sexual behavior, I asked myself if we – on the whole – are deprived or depraved… and it occurred to me that we will go out of our way to deprive ourselves more than anything else… and that rather limited point of view makes it possible for someone to look at me as a bisexual man and decide that I’m depraved in the way I go about indulging myself in those pleasures of the flesh I mentioned.  Hell, there was a time when I thought of myself as being depraved because I was willing to have sex with a man or a woman and find it all enjoyable if not educational.  I thought about the fact that we love saying that we should live each day as if it’s gonna be our last and yet, when it comes to sex, eh, we’re not always so keen to approach it in that same mindset, are we?  We choose to put limits on ourselves, letting the brass ring continually pass us by and then, at times, acting as if letting it pass doesn’t matter in the least bit and even adopt the cavalier attitude that if, for some reason, they could never have sex again, it’s not big deal because you can’t miss something you never had or, in this case, maybe never wanted.

We frown upon those who, by hook or by crook, engage in all the sex that they can; we call them sluts and dogs, the lowest of the low, and all because these folks refuse to have their sexual desires put on the choke chain we call morality; they understand and, perhaps, as we all should understand, that not only is sex a damned fun thing to get into, tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone so, let’s do all we can while we can because the only regrets shouldn’t ever be anything that you ve done but all those things that you didn’t allow yourself to do.  And as we frown at those who are just going for what they know, we do so with an air or smugness, content in our “knowledged” that whatever sex we’re having – and if we’re having any at all – is all being done “the right way…” and whatever the fuck that really means but, yeah, one can reasonably assume that the right way is the one that we were told to do, you know, be monogamous, be heterosexual, be madly in love some with someone, all that right and proper stuff.  Yes, we know that these rules work and we’ve all been bullied into adhering to them at every turn and at all costs…

Even though we’re also aware that, uh, playing by those rules will make us stay on the porch and watch every desirable opportunity to have sex go by… and then convince ourselves that we’re doing right by ourselves by keeping our desires in check and unrealized.  I wondered about how many of us stay on the porch and knowing good and damned well that we’d rather not be chained to the porch of moral decency when, in the deepest parts of us, we want to suck cock and eat pussy even though we’re prohibited from doing this in, ah, certain settings; we want to know what it’s like to do these things and much more, like feeling a man’s erection in parts of our bodies that have been designated as unclean and unsafe; we want to know what it’s like to have someone who doesn’t belong to us via marriage or some other form of relationship and, really, what it’s like to take whatever sexual fantasies we have and turn them into a working reality because we feel the need to do these things… but we’re not really allowed to.

I thought about all of this and in the mere ten minutes it took for me to wash those dishes and wipe down the counters and stove.  As I rinsed the sponge and turned my attention to making myself a second cup of coffee, I thought it was a damned shame that we have our sexual desires – and even our latent sexuality – put on lockdown, that there are people out there right now who, by their own choice, not experience a tenth of what I’ve experienced to date; they cannot and will not know that feeling of being sexually liberated, free to indulge themselves as they feel the need to, choosing to save themselves for that right time, that right person, that right and proper situation that doing things the right way calls for.  They’ll never give into temptation because maybe they fear reprisal – who knows for sure?  They’ll stay on the leash and feel safe in their imprisonment and, perhaps, not like being restricted one damned bit… but they’ll stay on lockdown because they’ve been told that they have to.

And all while accepting that life is really and truly too short not to do whatever can be done in the time that we have… and while we are able to do these things that we’re not supposed to do.  In any of this, sure, there are lines that should never be crossed… but this isn’t about crossing those lines… it’s about being able to tip-toe as close to the line as you dare to and just for the thrill of it all, oh, like, not limiting yourself to just one love or one lover and believing that these things cannot and should not be negotiated for.  Yeah, in a way, it’s all about being a “bad boy” or a “bad girl,” setting aside the imposed criteria for who you can have sex with, when you can, what they have to look like, and other such things that we believe have meaning… but those things that can also make us stay on the porch when we may not want to.

Given the choices, I’d rather be depraved than deprived… and because, well, it’s fun… and life is a hell of a lot shorter than we make think it is.  I’ll take depraved over deprived any day because I know that there will come a time when I won’t be able to have sex in any way, that time will rob me of my desires, and fuck, no, I’m not going into that good night meekly or even willingly… and I’ve not yet been able to understand why there are so many people who are willing to just accept this.  It’s life, yes, and there’s no escaping it but when my times comes when I can no longer have any kind of sex, shit, I’d rather spend the rest of the time I had thinking about the few things time didn’t give me a chance to do more than feeling shitty about all the shit I could have done… but didn’t do.

Time to see the dentist…

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Posted by on 9 September 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “How Do You Decide…?”

From time to time and when I’ve found myself trying to explain my bisexuality to someone, I’ve been asked, “How do you decide when you want pussy or you want some dick?” and it’s a good question… and not so much of one because answering it would call for trying to put into words how I think about stuff – and that’s something I can’t even explain to myself at times.

The “decision” isn’t like flipping a mental coin, or doing “eeny, meeny, miney, mo” or anything like that; it’s more like, “How do you feel?” and then taking a really close look at how I’m feeling other than being horny. When I was growing into my sexuality, um, I can’t honestly say that I gave things a lot of choice when I wanted to have sex and the only “choice” made was how quickly I was gonna agree to someone else asking me if I wanted to have sex with them and no matter if it was a girl or a guy doing the asking.  It wasn’t until much later in life when I set a preference or an order of things because people were always asking me, If you had a choice between pussy and dick, which one would you take?”

Took me a bit longer to realize that this is really a loaded question because it would “force” me to pick one or the other even though I knew my desires didn’t work like that – so if I were in a joking mood, I’d just say, “Yes!” and watch the dumbfounded look on the questioner’s face or, if I were being a bit more serious, I’d say – and truthfully, “I’d take the pussy first… but I wouldn’t turn down the dick.”  This, too, would confuse some folks and because they’re thinking “either/or” and not understand that in my mind, it’s always both, maybe not at the same time… and not always in a “pussy first” order.  While it can be damned interesting to get an idea of how a bisexual thinks, it’s even more interesting to learn how someone who isn’t bisexual thinks about how a bisexual thinks (I think I said that right).

Bisexuals – and men in particular – have this bad rep when it comes to having sex with other people and it’s said that we’re indiscriminate because “either/or” doesn’t really exist in minds where “and” is the prevalent thought.  In later years and when I’ve tried to explain the way I’m bisexual, I’ve said, “It’s pussy and dick, not pussy or dick, okay?”  At the worst, it makes bisexuals opportunistic more than indiscriminate because if we come across a man or a woman who we want to have sex with – and they say yes – then, okay, that’s the way it’s gonna go down.  Even I have, in a back-to-back situation, had sex with a woman and turned around some time after that and have had sex with a man and, of course, I’ve had the experience of being able to literally have pussy and dick in the same setting.  What’s funny is that even with people who understand this situation, they will still ask, “Well, okay, but would you go after the coochie first?”

Maybe… and maybe not.  Even when I’ve turned my attention to the pussy first, it’s because, um, if you’re naked and in bed with a man and woman, you’d better be paying attention to her if you know what’s good for you.  So “propriety” says get the girl… but don’t forget that there’s dick available.  Even when this “choice” is on the table, in my head, it doesn’t make a difference to me what I go after first… as long as I’m indulging myself.

I know some bi guys who have told me that they’ll only get with a dude if they can’t get some pussy, like the choice of cock is a measure of last resort or something like that and they’ve said that they will hold out as long as they can for the pussy and when there’s no way in hell they’re getting some of that, then their attention turns to cock… while peeking over their shoulders to see if some pussy will show up to save the day and keep them from getting their rocks off with a dude.  If that works for them, okay… but that’s not how my mind works and the best way I can explain it is that I always want both and pretty much at any given moment so if there’s a choice to be made, I’m not the one making it in that sense – that choice is made by whoever’s willing to let me have sex with them.

Some have asked me, “Well, how the fuck does that work when you’re in a relationship?  Shouldn’t you be all about the pussy?”  Just because I’m in a relationship (a) doesn’t change the fact that I’m bisexual and (b) doesn’t make my desire for cock go away.  Yep, when you’re in a relationship, you’d better be about having sex with your partner and even when things are monogamous, well, it is what it is… but that doesn’t change anything in my head.

“So, um, what if you want dick more than pussy – but you’re in a relationship with a woman?”  This question is one I’ve had to learn not to openly laugh at because what they don’t know – and what I can’t easily explain to them – is that my wanting one or the other (or even both at the same time) changes in my head literally from one moment to the next, relationship notwithstanding; the good thing is that even now, I’m in a relationship that if I say to my baby, “I’m gonna look for some dick…” that’s not a problem – but even if the relationship wasn’t like that, it’s not like some switch gets flipped that turns my other side off:  It’s always on and regardless of the relationship situation and the only real difference is all about doing… or not doing.

Of course, the thought of being in a relationship and having the freedom to pursue your sexual desires is just so foreign to most people and, yes, I’ve been told many times that I’m into some crazy-assed shit and my response is usually just to shrug and give them that “it is what it is” look.  Now, some have asked, “How can you want both all of the time?”  Again, we see the mindset that says, at least to them, you should only want one or the other at any given time and to want both at all times is just… wait for it… greedy.  Okay, in a relationship, I might not be able to have both… doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped wanting both and, again, why some people think that bisexuality can be turned off like a light says some interesting shit about them more than it does about me.

Some have said, “Man, if that’s the case, you’re disrespecting your woman!”  Am I really?  For one, Linda doesn’t thinks so and, for the other, neither do I… unless you think that my wanting to jump Linda’s bones anytime and anywhere as being disrespectful.  What I do is one thing… but what I’m thinking is something else and even though a lot of people seem to think that there’s some rule that says you should only think about pussy when you’re a man, well, I do think about pussy – it’s just not the only thing I’m thinking about, that’s all.  Most people in this have one desire… but I have two desires and even when I’ve tried to make one of them go away, well, that’s kind nuts because all I’m really doing is trying to stop myself from being the person I’ve always been.

It’s not about deciding, not the way this is usually understood because this isn’t an “either/or” thing in my mind – it’s always been “and;” if there’s a determining factor, it’s the situation I find myself in that dictates what’s gonna be done and with who.  In a relationship mode – and depending on the structure of the relationship, I can put my pursuit of cock on hold if need be… doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped wanting it.

Then again, y’all know that I believe that thinking and doing are not always the same thing and if you’re trying to understand how a bisexual goes about doing things, well, stop thinking about what might be done and ask them what’s going on in their minds about being bisexual:  It’s not what we do, it’s about what we think where what we’re capable of doing is concerned… and this varies from one bisexual to the next.  It’s all situational and, yes, there are decisions to be made and, at least for me, a whole lot of them that will ultimately result in my saying yes or no – and this, too, depends on other situations, like, am I in a relationship, is the relationship totally monogamous or not, stuff like that.

Not only do the people who don’t get bisexuality think that we’re supposed to have an “either/or” choice, they believe that we’re indiscriminate, that we don’t think about anything other than getting our rocks off… but this is one bisexual who does, in fact, think about a lot of shit and also one who, for as long as I can remember, always thinks about wanting both all of the time, even when it’s not possible or practical to have both so I don’t ever think, “Hmm, I think I want some dick today…” when the truth is I always want dick just like I always want pussy.  I know that just because I want it doesn’t mean I’m gonna get it, just like I know that just because I can do it doesn’t mean I have to do it – again and again, thinking and doing are not always the same things.  Oh, yeah, and if I don’t know anything else about myself, I know that everything in my mind about this is subject to change and faster than I can blink.  My bisexuality is never in the off position; while I might not be able to do something, well, it is what it is in this – but it’s the situation that makes the decision more than it’s me making an “either/or” decision.

“Which do you really prefer, pussy or dick?”


“Huh? What do you mean by that?”

“Come on, it can’t be that hard to understand – I prefer both – duh.”

“At the same time?”

“Well, yeah, if I can have it like that but even if all I can get is pussy doesn’t mean I stopped wanting to have some dick, if that makes sense?”

“It doesn’t!”

“Well, I don’t expect you to be able to understand that, no offense.”

It’s really not that hard to understand if you can get your head away from what folks are calling heteronormative or homonormative thinking.  It’s not that we don’t have preferences as individuals – and this is the thing that should be considered more than paying attention to what we might be doing and not having the thought in your head that there’s some choice that has to be made, that we have to pick one or the other, or that it’s impossible (or even wrong) for us to want both because, um, if we didn’t want both, we wouldn’t be bisexual, would we?

See?  Not that hard to understand, huh?  How do I decide if I want pussy or dick?  I actually don’t – the situation sets the decision point and if I decide anything, it’s on whether or not I say yes or no to the situation itself.  How I get to “yes” or “no” is… complex… but what I’m really deciding on is the situation and not whether I want pussy or dick because, again, I always want pussy and dick – but I can’t always have what I want.

I think that folks who are monosexual – and I mean no offense to anyone who is – have a difficult time understanding why bisexuals don’t think or behave as they do and it’s simply that we don’t and this is evidenced by the look we might get on our face when you ask, “Which do you prefer?” or asking us how we decide things in a “pick only one thing” way; if we’re bisexual, we’ve already decided that it’s both, haven’t we?

Thus endeth the mini-rant…

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Posted by on 27 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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On Being a Side Piece

It’s been widely accepted that being a side piece is the worst relationship scenario there is, a clear violation of the rules of monogamy if there ever was one.  Getting involved with a married person is never, ever supposed to happen; there’s supposed to be no form of logic or common sense that can explain why someone would willingly violate the directives of keeping only unto and letting no one put asunder as well as not coveting, committing adultery, etc..

It’s just not ever supposed to happen… which (wait for it) has never changed the fact that it has always happened and, in some bygone era and cultures, having a side piece or being one was okay as long as one’s duties to the person they were married to were being carried out.  Those folks who staunchly and fiercely believe in the tenets of monogamy have said that not only is this wrong but it doesn’t make sense:  Why would someone want to be a side piece?

Um, because it works for them?  Because monogamy is, basically, logically flawed and the concept of one person being able to take care of every single need of another person until one or both of them dies can’t always be true when you look at life and how people can really behave?  It’s not that people can’t do this – a lot of people do and they stay true to the rules with dogged determination and purpose… but the reality is that not everyone can do this and the truth of this – and as much as a lot of people never want to admit – is kinda obvious.

Why would a woman want to get involved with a married man and become a homewrecker?  I can explain this with an explanation of something I noticed when I got married.  Now, I can’t say that before I got married, I had a big problem getting involved with women but after I got married, holy shit:  There were women all up on me and some who, if they knew me before I got married, wouldn’t give me the time of day if their life depended on it.  And, as I observed, it wasn’t just happening to me; guys that wouldn’t even speak to my wife were now very interested in getting to know her in a very biblical way and as I worked on trying to figure out what was up with all of this, almost every married person I knew told me about this, that for some reason, the moment others found out they were married, they were swamped with people who wanted a piece of them – and even if their target was the least popular (or desirable) person around.

The explanation is… complicated.  I’ve had women tell me that a married man is a much better man than a single dude; the married man represents stability, security, and a proven commodity because if he wasn’t, um, his wife wouldn’t have married him and, yeah, some women very much want that for themselves; when you turn this the other way, the married woman is damned attractive because, simply, she must have some high-quality shit going on with her if her husband married her; she’s now a known and proven commodity and this is much better and attractive than some single chick who seems like she ain’t got much of anything going for her.  And, yeah – the taboos against fucking with married people can be more of a rush than the deterrent it’s supposed to be.

The much shorter version is that some people would rather be a part of something than to be a part of nothing.  It’s kinda the same dynamic that causes cheating which, no matter how you care to look at it, happens when someone’s needs are being ignored or otherwise not met to their satisfaction.  Single folks have needs, too, and needs that, by and large, go ignored or unfulfilled since they’re not in a relationship so if they can be a side piece to someone in a relationship, they can have their needs met albeit illicitly because the person in the relationship isn’t supposed to be a part of this for any reason.  Now, some people raise all kinds of hell about being a side piece, saying that such a person wants all of the benefits but none of the responsibilities of a relationship – and for some, this is true… but like so many other things, not the whole truth because for someone who’s willing to be a side piece, they are assuming some responsibilities, oh, like, say, taking care of those things that the rightful partner ain’t handling.

Those of you who are fiercely monogamous probably can’t accept this but I’m telling you – and yes, from experience – that it does happen – it has always happened; indeed, there are experts in this who suggest that humans weren’t meant to be monogamous, that putting ourselves on lockdown like this wasn’t the way we existed prior to religion/morality taking hold and, well, being monogamous is really an unnatural behavior for humans.  Those of you who are rabidly monogamous will say this is bullshit but, um, nah, not really and there’s way too much evidence that says that it’s not the bullshit you believe it to be because, yep, some people want to be a side piece or they need a side piece – and, sometimes, not because their partner is failing at anything.

It’s not supposed to be that way… and none of this changes what the reality is.  Okay, so the whole side piece thing has been known to wreck homes, which is always seen as a very bad is, in and of itself, a fact of the matter.  Like I said, this whole thing is horribly complicated and complex because you’re pitting moral behavior against human behavior and, well, when has that ever worked as expected and consistently so?  We tend to see the whole side piece thing as a purely sexual one… but, sometimes, there’s no sex involved or even wanted; what is wanted and needed is another emotional connection and simply because for some, just having one emotional connection to someone isn’t enough.

Ah, now you fanatical believers in monogamy are about to pull the “greedy card” out, aren’t you, and then slap down the “unable to stay committed to anything” card along with the “dishonorable cretin” card, right?  You believe, without question, that if you’re in a relationship with someone, you are – and can – be everything that the other person will ever need… even though you also know that, um, ya might not be when you get right down to it; you get into a relationship and the one thing you fear is that you won’t or can’t be everything to the other person but, like everyone who believes in being monogamous, that if for any reason you can’t be the alpha and omega for the other person – whether you find this to be the case or your partner does – oh, well – that’s just the way it is and the way it’s supposed to be and if you can’t deal with it, get the fuck out and stay out.

Except the people who’d gladly be a side piece – and someone who finds themselves in need of one – don’t necessarily agree with that assessment, do they?  This whole dynamic not only exposes the flaws in monogamy but does a great job of exposing personal flaws and ones that are expected and required to be accepted without question… except that’s not always the case, is it?  It can be summed up with something I’ve said time and time again:  If you don’t (or can’t) take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will.  This is a truism that pretty much everyone doesn’t want to accept, which is quite understandable since monogamy and morality says that it can’t be true and that it should never be true… but there’s an out available once the truth kicks you in the crotch:  Divorce or breaking up because it’s also inconceivable for one to have/be a side piece and keep the relationship alive and well, right?  It can’t be done, it’s not supposed to ever be done… but the reality, well, now, it can say otherwise, can’t it, because it works rather nicely for a whole lot of people in a relationship and, yeah, for both people in the relationship.

If you don’t understand how all of this works, then there’s some shit you’re missing or, sorry to say, in denial about.  The simple thing about side pieces is that being one or having one meets needs that being solely monogamous cannot provide.  Most people would rather eat shit and die before taking or becoming a side piece… and the operative word is “most” because, well, like it or not, being or having a side piece works for a lot of people and couples – alternative relationships or ethical non-monogamy or even negotiated infidelity have always been options and ones that have been exercised, explored, enabled – pick a word that goes along with this.  We refused to believe this, we insist that this shit ain’t the way things are supposed to be… and in the grand scheme of things – read this as life itself if you want to – it can mean absolutely nothing.  All one has to do in order to implement the side piece dynamic is to put together a list of things you aren’t going to do for anyone and that includes the person you’re in a relationship with; the moment you stop trying to be all that your partner will ever need, well,  you might find out what’ll happen or, inversely, the moment your partner develops that list and has stopped being your alpha and omega, hmm, that side piece thing suddenly makes sense.  Sure, the dissolution of the relationship is “easier” to do and our morality says that if y’all can’t make it work the way it’s supposed to work, throw it all away and start over… which belies that fact that some people don’t want to throw it all away, that starting over “from scratch” is a worse-case scenario they’d not want to find themselves in and, so, despite how morally wrong it is, having a side piece or being one – and remaining in the comfortable confines of their relationship – just makes sense.

Like I said somewhere in this, there are some people who don’t have a problem with having just a slice of the pie instead of the whole thing; for them, it’s better to have a piece of something than it is to have all of nothing.  It is wanting all of the perks but none of the responsibilities?  Depends on the person, doesn’t it?  There are, in fact, people who are a side piece or who has one… and responsibility isn’t impacted at all; indeed, some are very damned happy to have more responsibility, as crazy as that might sound.  And, even in this, there’s one responsibility that, in my opinion, can never be avoided:  If you are a side piece or you have one, you have the additional responsibility for taking care of them and in whatever form that takes and in addition to any other responsibilities that exist.

The whole side piece thing is problematic, not just from a moral point of view, because when it comes to relationships, um, no one ever learns how to multitask because we’re all told to never learn how to multitask when it comes to love, sex, and relationships.  Again, we act as if it can’t be done and it’s not ever supposed to be done and, since all of this is supposedly and allegedly true, it will always fail.  Yep, it usually does… but not always… and this is the truth that we, on the whole, don’t ever want to see because that truth just fucks up everything we were taught to believe in.

Y’all can come back and barbeque my cute ass over this matter, point out that I’m wrong, hammer me with your personal beliefs about this and, yeah, I expect that to happen… but I’m just the messenger, the guy who has the fucking nerve to tell you that what you believe isn’t the whole truth of things and from the position of knowing that it isn’t the whole truth; this just ain’t some cockeyed theory – I know it for a fact and, yep, I’m anal retentive enough to dig down deep into the muck and nastiness of this to find the truth, your unwillingness to accept it notwithstanding.  So go right ahead and flame me to your heart’s content, if that makes you secure in what you know and believe and despite running the risk of being flash-fried, yep, you’ll still have my respect.

I just happen to know that what you believe in isn’t the whole truth of things, that’s all, and given the things I’ve experienced, eh, there’s not a whole lot you can say to me that’ll change what I’ve learned about this shit first-hand and by mere observation of others.  Maybe you’d insist that you’d never do such a thing or that it could never happen to you; you’d never find a reason to want a little something extra on the side – and that’s fine and, again it is respected.  But, I’m the guy who’ll say that a whole lot of people – and myself included – have said these very same things, only to have reality deliver that swift kick in the crotch or that cold slap in the face that serves as a wakeup call and opens our eyes more to reality than idealism.  Sure… it may never happen to you; you may never see reason to have a side piece or to be one – married people can be side pieces to other married people just in case you think this only involves single folks – and if it never happens, that’s a good thing.

I know that it can happen even though we’re taught otherwise… and I have the balls to speak on it.


Posted by on 23 July 2015 in Life, Living and Loving


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