Tag Archives: Sex

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 07 September 22

It’s raining today and I had to go (1) take out some trash and (2) go to the UPS Store and the moment I got into the rain, I had a major flashback that hit me so hard, I actually stopped walking for a moment and shaking my head as if I’d just woken up.

Or got hit in the head with something.

A memory of being outside on an early September weekend and enjoying not being in school. Ripping and running all over the neighborhood, literally chasing girls – and who knew they could be so damned fast? – and… it started to rain. Lightly at first but it started to pour and at the level where you knew you were going to get wet so there was no sense in trying to run for cover.

And, later, making me understand why I’d hear adults say that someone doesn’t have the sense to come out of the rain, which is exactly what a friend’s father said to the two of us after yelling at us to get our asses inside and out of the rain. We’re both classically soaked to the bone and we’re laughing about it; his dad, of course, didn’t think it was funny and he’s griping at us to take our wet shoes off and go get dried off – and don’t drip anymore damned water on his floor!

We comply and head to his room, still laughing about getting caught out in the rain. We both strip down naked; when I say we were soaked, it was like we’d jumped into a swimming pool with our clothes on. The good thing about it was we wore the same size clothes. The better thing about it was it took a while before we wound up getting dressed.

We’re naked and drying off and still laughing like idiots when he said, “I like your dick!” I automatically looked at his and said that I liked his, too. We went from liking each other’s dicks to commenting on how nice they looked because now we were both very erect from all the rubbing we were doing to get dry down there. This guy wasn’t one of “the fellas” I’d routinely have sex with so seeing him naked – and being naked in front of him – was kinda thrilling.

When he said, “Hey, um…,” I knew what he was going to ask me so I just said, “Yeah, okay.” His face lit up with a big smile as he walked over to me, knelt down, and started sucking my dick and he clearly knew what he was doing.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he said when he came up for air. “Let’s get on the bed!”

“Can we do it together?” I asked, climbing onto his bed.

“Sure!” he replied as he laid down alongside me and with his feet near my head… and we went for it and it didn’t take too much effort or time before I felt the warmth of his stuff flowing into my mouth which enticed me to get my own stuff flowing. We let each other go and we’re smiling and giggling (and I’m wondering why we always did that after shooting); it’s raining harder outside and now there’s rumbles of thunder along with flashes of lightning and it all just added to this moment of us discovering that we were the same kind of guy.

We can hear his dad downstairs yelling at us that it’s raining like a bitch and for us to stay inside and in his room until the rain lets up as well as grumbling about something I knew neither of us were paying attention to because the looks we were giving each other said that we’d be happy to stay in the room until the rain stopped because we would definitely keep ourselves occupied.

We’d sucked each other off three times before it finally decided to stop raining and we both knew that we’d better hurry up and get dressed and, at the least, act like we were doing something other than what we’d been doing. We had both agreed that each other’s stuff tasted really good and we were both laughing and giggling like idiots again after he said that he didn’t need to eat anything because he was full already.

His dad is bellowing that the rain has stopped so I need to get my shit and head on home before it starts raining again and I did that but, deep down inside, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to spend more time sucking my friend’s dick and thinking about him maybe doing it to me almost had me hard again and let’s say that I wasn’t happy about having to head home. He saw the look on my face and it was like he was reading my mind when he said, “Don’t worry – we’re definitely gonna find a way to do this again and I really want to!”

As I’m leaving, I thank his father for letting me stay there until the rain stopped and promised to bring back the borrowed clothing as soon as I was able to. My friend came over and actually gave me a hug, which had his dad laughing and telling him to stop that “sissy shit” so I could head on home. My sneakers, well, they were still soaked so it wasn’t like I was going to put them on but that was okay because I was used to being outside barefooted. I said my goodbyes and stepped out of the door to make the four-block walk home and before I got to the first corner, it started raining again.

Oh, great. By the time I got home, I wasn’t soaked but I was quite damp. My mom looks at me and mumbles that I really don’t have the sense to come out of the rain and notices that I’m holding the clothes I had had on when I went outside and, of course, wearing different clothes and, yep, I had to tell her why I was wearing someone else’s clothes and… off to my room I went to get out my friend’s clothes that were damp and get redressed in my own clothes and underwear. As I stepped out of the shorts I was wearing, I heard a crinkling sound and that told me that there was something in one of the pockets and after searching them, I found… a note.

It was from him, and it was a pretty long one, too, but now I’m wondering when he had time to write it and how he wrote it without me seeing him writing it. As I read it, I started to realize that he had already written this a while ago and it was like a love letter… to me. How much he really liked me. How he wished that we could find a way to do it to each other even though he liked girls, too, but some of the girls didn’t like him and didn’t want to do it with him and said again that he hopes that we could do it because he really liked me and wanted us to do it.

I’m remembering this note and I’m shaking my head and laughing at how… silly the note sounds to me now but also feeling quite sober because it wasn’t silly or funny at the time. It was… touching and more so on the heels of us having spent all that time sucking each other’s dicks and like we’d been doing that to each other all along. As I got to the end of the note – which ended with him saying that he hopes that I write him back and let him know how I feel and if I wanted to do it with him… so I grabbed my notebook and started writing to him.

I was telling him that even though we’d already done it, I hadn’t known that he liked guys and girls like I did and how glad I was that we were so much alike and… things got a bit mushy at that point and, at one point, I realized that I was writing a love letter to him and like I’d write one to a girl I liked and wanted to do it to. It felt weird but also quite exciting and my dick thoughts so as well because as I continued to write, I could feel my boner throbbing against my belly and trapped within my underwear and it was as if I could still feel his mouth on me and I could feel the raspiness of his tongue touching me everywhere and…

I, um, I shot in my underwear. Oh, man. I didn’t have to look down to know that there would be a big and very wet spot in the front of my shorts – and a wet spot that I knew my mom would notice when she went to wash my pants and underwear that were in great need of being changed. I went to the bathroom, stripped off my pants and underwear and spent a couple of moments cleaning the rest of my stuff off of me and, man, it had even and somehow gotten all over my stomach, too. Jeez! Back in the room; clean underwear and shorts on and having a bad moment because I knew my mother would notice that, once again, I wasn’t wearing the shorts I’d been wearing when she had stuck her head in my room to see what I was doing and, oh, boy.

As I climbed back up into my bunk, I spent a few years – seconds, really – thinking about how I’d had a wet dream one night and really messed up my underwear and PJs and my mom laughing when she found them in the hamper while telling me that, um, what had happened was normal for guys but I would, later in life, also remember the look on her face because she had realized that I was ejaculating way before boys “normally” did – but she hadn’t said anything about it and I’m glad she hadn’t because it was bad enough that she thought it was funny that I’d shot my stuff all over the place while I was sleeping.

I re-read the letter I’d written back to him – all three pages of it – and now I’m trying to figure out how to get it to him; we went to the same school but weren’t in the same room – but then, I had a brilliant idea; all I had to do was fold it up and put it in the pocket of his pants I’d worn home and make sure that I handed them back to him and not give them to one of his parents!

And that’s what I did and I got lucky because when I knocked on the door, he had answered it and I felt… relieved to know that he would find my letter because I made sure to hand the shorts to him so he could feel it in the back pocket. He did and his eyes got as big as saucers just before he started to smile. His mom was yelling for him and I said that I’d see him later and if he’d be allowed outside after doing his homework.

As I headed back home, I was so… excited because in my letter, I had told him that I would love to do it with him again and I even knew some places we could go to do it and we wouldn’t get caught and I felt like I wanted to shoot in my underwear again. It was a weird but good feeling thinking about him like this and I’d had a bit of a “bad moment” when I got home because my father had stopped me and asked if I’d taken the clothes back and I said that I had and he’s got this… look on his face like he wanted to bust out laughing and I didn’t know why until I looked down – and because he was looking down…

And I was hard. He didn’t say anything about it and I was glad he didn’t since I was already embarrassed but as he told me to go to my room, he did say, “You might want to do something about that…” And, yeah, as I headed to my room, I could hear him chuckling to himself. Jeez. How embarrassing!

And, yeah, I did make a trip to the bathroom to, um, do something about that and I did it with visions of doing it to my friend flooding my mind as I made quite the mess of things.

The older version of myself would one day wonder if what I had felt for my friend was love or just plain old ordinary lust. At that time, I thought that, nah, I didn’t love him because guys were only supposed to love girls but as I’m writing this now, yeah, maybe I was, at the least, seriously infatuated with him but what I do know that whatever it was we were feeling for each other made having sex really good and more so when there were a few times when we were able to convince a couple of the Hot In The Ass gang to come to the hideout so we could do it to them together and proof that he was, very much, just like me.

It was one of the reasons why, almost a year later, I was totally and completely pissed the fuck off to come home from camp and finding out that while I was there, we had moved to the projects way on the other side of the city.

I’m leaving the UPS Store and making the short walk to where I had parked and I’m getting rained on and just dealing with it because that damned stroke robbed me of my ability to run but I’d been reliving this memory just the same and… it felt good to have this memory triggered by today’s rainy moment. Those early days of my development as a male bisexual were some of the best times of my life because there was so much I had to do and make sense of and, well, just all of the stuff I went through so that I could better understand this bisexual thing going on with me and really beginning to understand how my feelings really worked or, actually, trying to understand them.

There were guys I liked and guys I really liked, and I was beginning to see… differences. How doing it with guys I liked made me feel one way but doing it with guys I really like made the sex so much better. There were “always” the guys who I’d do it with and, eh, I knew them and knew that if they wanted to do it, oh, okay, let’s go. Whatever sex we had would be… okay but not “as good” as having it with a guy I liked or a guy I really liked, and it took me a very long time before I could really put this into a proper perspective.

And, one day, finally understanding that I could feel for a guy the same things I could feel for a gal and it wasn’t as much as someone being male or female but very much about how I felt about someone, that the feelings were really more… interchangeable than what I was told about what I should feel, who those feelings should be directed at and even for the express purpose of having a relationship with them and one that would make any sex… allowable. And at yet another later day, realizing and understanding that friendship is… a relationship, too, and if it included sex, well, okay, even though the “rule” was and still is, “friends cannot have sex with each other.”

It would make me wonder that if you couldn’t or weren’t supposed to have sex with a friend, who were you supposed to have sex with – someone who wasn’t a friend? And, even then, despite the fact that, most of the time, you had to get to know and get comfortable with someone even if all that would happen would be… sex. They might not exactly be a friend in that sense, but I would recall a lot of instances where me and a guy – or a girl – would have sex and… become friends instead of it working the other way around.

Which makes me very damned glad that I learned this when I was younger so I wouldn’t find myself trying to deal with my feelings as an adult. Lust, it seems, doesn’t care much if the person you’re lusting after is a friend or not but I’d admit that lusting after a friend… feels pretty good but, again, I learned that you can have sex with a friend and it does not ruin the friendship one bit but what does and can ruin it is if someone wants more than what the other person is willing to give and usually a relationship. I’ve had girl friends – not girlfriends – tell me, “Let’s just have sex and it’s not going to be more than that!” One such friend told me, “Look, we both feel this and I don’t know why we’re acting like we don’t. I know you want me and I know I want you so let’s just do it and get it out of the way, okay?”

And, of course, not wanting to be in a relationship that was more than being friends was something that us guys were all in favor for. It would be like, I like you and, um, I was wondering if you’d be interested in doing something and if they were, it would be on and if they weren’t, oops. Sorry about that and it could be rather embarrassing but feeling the lust remained as a very real thing and one that our morals say is a sin and that’s not how we should think or feel about each other.

Those were some of the best days and times of my life because of what I learned about myself…

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Posted by on 7 September 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 30 August 22

There was a guy I knew back in the teenaged years who gained some notoriety because he, rumor had it, could cum three times before going soft. The word had spread among us because “all of a sudden,” the girls who were more amenable to giving it up to you were refusing to because “Jay” could cum, stay hard, keep fucking, cum again, ditto, and at least one more time before finally getting soft.

According to the girls who were… enamored of him, it wasn’t that he had that long, fat dick that was “mandatory” because whatever he lacked in that area he made up for with this amazing ability. Needless to say, we didn’t like Jay all that much, not because he wasn’t a friendly kind of guy but he was responsible for a lot of us experiencing The Drought… and right up to a moment when he began to fall out of favor with those girls who were once singing his praises for his amazing stamina and how much cum he was putting into them.

The word was that girls were now very afraid of Jay getting them pregnant because, again, he could cum and keep right on stroking and not giving his cum a chance to… clear out. Girls were also complaining that he was taking way too long to fuck them, and it was making them sore for days on end and we heard these complaints and snickered a lot because homeboy went from being a “good” kind of freak to a “bad” one. Were the rumors and stories about him really true?

At first, I didn’t think so but after a while, there were too many girls talking about him for this to not have some truth to it and more so when girls I had screwed several times were talking about (1) not giving me any and because they were, (2) looking to get a shot at Jay to see if what they’d heard was true. But apparently, it was true and, yeah, we, as a peer group, didn’t like him all that much because he was getting all of the primo pussy and getting those girls hooked on him.

Other than that, Jay was a very likeable guy. That didn’t stop some guys laying into him about being a freak (not the good kind) and that went on enough to see him get forced out of our group and I felt sorry for him because I learned – and because this… ability had piqued my curiosity something fierce – that his being able to do this consistently wasn’t any fault of his; Mother Nature had just “gifted” him with this and while this sounded like a fantastic thing, it was turning out to be a curse for him when one of the girls he had “stolen” from the rest of us had a pregnancy scare and, well, that word spread amongst the other girls faster than the speed of light and precipitated his “fall from grace.”

I ran into him one day and a couple of months after his “fall” and the poor guy looked like he was looking for a Mack truck to come by so he could step out in front of it. He looked depressed and haggard and like he wasn’t sleeping well; he was walking with his head down and the smile he usually wore on his face had been replaced by a frown and if I had felt bad for him after hearing how he was being dissed by even the sluttiest girl we knew of, I really felt bad for him because his male friends had also turned their backs on him.

So I spoke to him and it was painful to see him flinch; word was some of the guys who weren’t getting any decided to take their frustration out on him. He flinched and I held up my hands in that “I ain’t gonna do anything” gesture and asked him how he was doing… and he responded with a sigh that chilled me to my bones. At first, he didn’t want to talk to me but I kept at him until he eventually told me why he was looking like someone had stolen his lunch money and killed his dog… but he didn’t tell me anything that I hadn’t known already since the word of his “fall” had raced like wildfire amongst us guys.

But I knew that it might help him to tell me what was going on with him. Not only had he not gotten laid for quite a while, he was also struggling with being kicked out of our peer group and he didn’t know what to do about any of it since he didn’t have a friend he could talk to… and I volunteered for the job. Over the next week or so, I made it a point to hang with him – and let the others see that I was and that I wasn’t worried about whatever they were saying and he opened up to confirm that he didn’t understand why everyone hated him for something that he had no control over and there wasn’t anything he could do about.

And he needed to cum. He specifically said this and I’d asked him if he was jerking off – and like any of would readily do when that need was upon us and he said that it wasn’t the same and since it wasn’t, that just made him even more depressed and did I know of a way he could do it so that he could get back to feeling better about himself.

And… I told him that I knew of a way, but I wasn’t sure if he’d find it to his liking by telling him, “Well, um, I could suck your dick and it might help.” Why did I say this? Because I not only had a lot of compassion for him and his plight, but it was also the only thing I could think of and, years later when I would think about this, I’d see that it was the thing to say and do. His reaction to my response seemed to hit him like he had never considered such a… solution and I probably shocked the shit out of him by letting him know that I sucked dick.

Wasn’t I afraid of this freakish thing about him? I told him that, well, I kinda was but not really since if he agreed, this wouldn’t be the first time I’d sucked a guy’s dick and, yeah, I had to tell my story to him. He bombarded me with a lot of questions including the ones about being gay and I laughed and said that if it was really gay, um, he was kinda responsible for a few of our group being “gay” since he – Jay – was getting all the pussy that we weren’t getting but while that was… bothersome, none of it really affected me all that much since I was sucking dick and guys were sucking me.

He seemed to latch onto this like it was a life preserver and, honestly, I kinda knew he would but, also being honest, I had no idea how I was going to handle blowing him if what everyone said about him was really the truth. Part of me was hoping that he’d turn down the offer, but he didn’t, and it took us another couple of days before we had a time and place for me to do this for him.

He was eager and nervous as we sat on his bed and I kept telling him to relax as much as he could and let me know when he was ready but I could see that, um, part of him was quite ready. After a couple of minutes of him asking me questions I’d already answered for him, he said that he was ready, and stood up to strip out of his clothes and my first thought was that he had a nice dick and of a size that would be stupidly easy for me to suck. I’d stripped down and as he laid down, I settled in next to him, asked again if he was ready and – again – suggested that he just relax, close his eyes if he needed to and just don’t think about it.

He nodded that he was ready and I went right to work on him. I really wanted to help him with this and, um, I was horny as hell on top of it. He was tense at first and I could feel it because I had one hand on his belly and, as such, I felt the moment he finally relaxed and “got into it.” I’m sucking him – it felt so good, too – and he’s gently fucking into my mouth when a few minutes later, I heard him say, “Oh! Oh!” and…

My mouth got flooded with cum. The first shot kinda startled me and by the third big shot, I was of two minds. One part was yelling, “Oh, hell, yeah!” and working quickly to swallow all of his goo and another part was saying, “We’re in trouble…” and that bore itself out when he’d stopped cumming… and his dick wasn’t even close to starting to get soft. That one part was screaming, “That what the fuck I’m talking about!” as I continued to suck him while the other part was saying, “Um, you might want to stop and call it a day…” and, well, in retrospect, I should have stopped but I didn’t.

He did, indeed, blast three huge loads of cum into my mouth and stomach before he got soft. The rumors were true! Even the part of me that had been losing its mind over being able to keep blowing him was feeling some kind of way about it. I had so much of his cum in my stomach that I felt full and that was something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. The other part of me that was against continuing to suck him said, “So much for going to Gino’s for something to eat, huh?” Yeah, I wasn’t going to be doing that and I was feeling so… overwhelmed that I had missed him asking me to lie down so he could see if he could suck my dick.

Which he did and he didn’t do bad for his first time but what touched me was him saying, after I came, “I wish I could do that.”

“Do what?” I managed to say.

“Cum and get soft right away,” he said. For a moment, I thought he was going to start crying but he didn’t.

“It’s not your fault,” I said – and because I was too… distressed to say anything other than that. One part of me was “poking” me to blow him again and the other part was saying, “Don’t even think about it!” and… we did the side-by-side 69 thing and it was good and it was bad because I was now so full of his cum that the next load would very likely make me throw it all back up.

And I almost did. Jay is… happy. Relieved. Rather proud of himself and for good reason since sucking a guy’s dick – let alone sucking him off – was, well, really bad. I wasn’t… feeling all that good; his cum in my belly felt like a brick and I was burping over and over and, sheesh, I was tasting all of that cum again. I shut down that part of me that was saying, “One more time! One more time!” and I unanimously agreed with the other part of me that was saying, “Shut the fuck up already!”

Jay was acting like he’d gotten a new lease on life and I was glad that he was feeling better even if it was all I could do not to upchuck all over the place. He had told me that he had considered… killing himself and hearing this shocked me into forgetting my, ah, gastric distress and before I could say anything about that he said, “Don’t worry; I’m not gonna do that because you showed me a way to get off that I didn’t think I would like but, yeah, I really like it!”

And then he asked me what I was doing tomorrow. One part of me said, “You know you’ve created a monster, right?” and the other part was saying, “Go for it again! That was fucking amazing, dude!” and the next day found me not sucking him off but being fucked by him and if I hadn’t really understood what all those girls were now complaining about, I understood it now. I had “stupidly” thought that him fucking me might have a different result for him but, nope; he filled me way past overflowing with cum three damned times before he got soft. He had wanted to stop fucking me after the first dump truck load of cum but, apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment because I had told him to keep going because, um, he felt good in me and a sentiment that changed after the second time Mount Jay erupted and making me more of a sticky mess than I already was.

Even the part of me that was gung ho to have sex with him was having second (and third) thoughts and by the time he unloaded in me for the last time, I was just… there and had been before he filled me up the second time, to be perfectly honest. I could have begged off but this was… a matter of honor; I’d given him my word that it would be okay for him to fuck me and that I wanted him to and, nope, I’m not afraid of what’s going to happen. And I wasn’t afraid… but I was of a mind to not do this again with him any time soon. He… wore me the fuck out and my ego wasn’t all that happy to admit that, but I told myself that this was better than him being all messed up in his head and thinking about hurting himself and, really, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so totally and completely fucked and satisfied.

Hell, he handled me fucking him better than I had handled him doing me and I hated admitting this to myself but, still, it was for a good cause that was more than having sex with a guy and a guy who was born a certain way that I could now understand could be a good and bad thing. Jay had gotten his confidence back and would profusely thank me for that and not making him feel like the freak of nature everyone insisted that he was. He even got back to having sex with girls but, as he said, with the condition that (1) he wore a condom and (2) he’d stop to not only change it but to give the girl a break in the action.

Some of the other guys, ah, had the “Jay Experience,” too. I was… glad that he was now able to slack his great lust on someone other than me – and not that it was really that bad but, yeah – sex with him pushed me to my limits and beyond them and I had had some serious thinking to do about that.

Jay had gone missing. No one seemed to know what had happened to him and his parents were beyond frantic. The word on the street was saying that someone had offed him but that was bullshit and some of the guys eating a lot of sour grapes over Jay again getting “all the good pussy” and they weren’t. We’d finally found out that Jay had gotten a girl pregnant, and they ran away so they could be together and, well, that whole deal was seriously messy but, in the end, – and as it was being told – their parents had agreed to sign for them to be married.

I had hoped that everything was now right for him. His… condition was both a blessing and a curse and depending on one’s point of view and something that all the negative shit coming from our peer group had him thinking about taking his own life… over something he couldn’t do a damned thing about. Having sex with him… pushed me beyond my known limits whether I was blowing him, or he was inside of me and making one hell of a mess. It was good sex but, yeah, holy shit. I was so… jealous of him being able to fuck and cum repeatedly (and a hell of a whole lot) and I – and probably no one else – could do that. It was… easy to not like him for this but, at the same time, being somewhat proud of myself to be able to bear up under things when I thought that I wouldn’t be able to.

I had some shit to deal with myself about that. How far do you go to help a friend? What was I willing to endure for such a worthy cause. Was there really such a thing as sucking too much dick, swallowing too much cum, and being fucked too much? And the jury said, “Yeah and not really because you know you enjoyed every bit of it so don’t lie and say you didn’t.”

I’d done a good thing. The funny thing is, as I’m thinking and writing this, is that I feel… full and my butt feels… squishy. I know this is my brain “fucking” with my body because I’m not only remembering this, I’m reliving it in my head and my body is just… reacting as it did when I took it upon myself to introduce Jay to a way to have sex that proved to be a boon to him…

And to me, as well… because sex with him was pretty damned good. I would realize that it wasn’t a thing of it taking him “too long” to cum; as far as that went, it didn’t take him “that much longer” than it did any other guy I’d suck or be fucked by; it was just that he could cum like you wouldn’t believe and his refractionary period just didn’t kick in and like it does for so many guys and that allowed him to keep right on going until it eventually kicked in and he’d finally get soft.

A freak of nature? Probably and I’d often hear about other guys who were like this, and I was… thankful that I never ran into them and experienced them because Jay was, for me, the experience of a lifetime. Yes, I found that I was a glutton for punishment in that sense and it took me a while to deal with this because there’s physically “too much” but that… love of having sex with guys proved to be more “powerful” and demanding and to the point where it just “made sense” to hang on in there even when my body would say and ask, “Haven’t you had enough?”

And understanding that I hadn’t so much. When I sat that I’ve seen bisexuality save a guy’s life, that’s some real shit. When I say that a guy experiencing sex with another guy is a life-changing event, that’s also some real shit. And… what are friends for?

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Posted by on 30 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 August 22

One of my favorite cocksucking topics on the forum is anything that has to do with sucking off multiple guys and the number of members who’d just love to do that…

And I get to thinking, “Yeah, been there, done that, wouldn’t do it again because it’s not as much fun as you might think it is…”

It makes a difference, though, and the category usually gets broken down between “How many cocks have you sucked in one day?” and “How many cocks have you sucked at one time?” – and “one time” meaning in a single setting. A lot of guys who’d love to experience this are self-professed submissive cocksuckers, guys who are of a mind that it’s their life’s purpose to service men who want to be sucked off. I understand what they say about being submissive in this – intelligently – but as one who has sucked a lot of dicks in one day and in one setting, wow, yeah – what the hell was I thinking about?

Rhetorical question because I know good and damned well what I was thinking about: Sucking guys off is way better than sliced bread! Adult me wouldn’t want to do that again since adult me has learned so much about sucking a guy’s dick – and stuff that younger me was just finding out about while being totally caught in the throes of the amazing thrill of putting a guy’s dick in your mouth and sucking on it until he cums.

I think the thing that “broke me out of the habit” of sucking multiple guys in a day was realizing that… I was being used and taken advantage of, not in a bad way but it was well-known that if you were horny and you wanted to get sucked off, just come find me and I’ll do it until you can’t get hard again. I hadn’t realized that until, one very hot and sultry summer day and as I roamed around fairly aimlessly, by the time I’d gone home for dinner, I had sucked off eleven guys that day and it wasn’t until I’d gotten the last guy’s load in my stomach that I realized that I hadn’t just come across these guys: They’d been specifically looking for me and the last guy confirmed that, yeah, he was told that he should track me down to get a good blowjob.

My feelings were so hurt and got even more hurt because now I could see that a lot of the guys I thought I’d been lucky to suck wasn’t really luck but I’d gotten a reputation. Adult me looks back at this point in time and, sigh, okay, it was what it was and, in my defense, sucking dick was one hell of a thrill and I was so caught up in it that I couldn’t see that, sometimes, I was being used more than anything else. Now, adult me understands some shit about that and I’ve accepted it as being one of the many occupational hazards of being a bisexual male in a world where there are a lot of men who want to be sucked off and without having to go through a lot of… complications to receive this pleasure.

If only I knew then what I know now… but adult me also understands that this is how you learn shit; you learn what to do and how to do it and… you learn when not to do it, too. Some guys were using me and it wasn’t like they really liked me as a person, and it wasn’t like they were like those who I’d sucked time and time again and they found there was more to like about me other than my love of sucking dick. It’s a shitty feeling realizing how some guys can be about this and it took me “a while” to get past this shitty feeling because the question I had to ask myself was what was more important: Being able to express myself like this or worrying about having a reputation as an easy cocksucker?

And understanding that this rep was responsible for me being able to express myself. A lot. Several times a day and multiple times a week. Hmm. It made me understand that sucking a guy off is about him but it’s more about me since, um, if homey wanted me to suck him off, he needs to convince me that it’s worth my time and effort to do it and more so when the guy in question wasn’t someone who was well-known to me. Now, when I say that it took me “a while” to work through this so I could be okay with things, I mean it took me a couple of days – and a couple of days where I would be in cocksucking sessions with my close friends and including the one guy who “put the word” out on me to begin with – and we had a really serious conversation about that and I’ll say that, um, there was a bit of bloodshed before he understood how much I didn’t appreciate what he had done – he’d broken the “I won’t tell if you won’t” code and the code was… sacred.

I didn’t mind being… referred if I knew about it before the fact but that’s not how things always went down but, okay. I took ownership of it because I realized and understood that there was no shame in doing something that I loved doing – and I knew that I loved doing it. This was, oh, maybe a month before the famous/infamous day when me and nine of my friends decided that it would be fun for all of us to take a turn sucking everyone else off.

If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done it but since I didn’t know, it was such an exciting proposition that I’m surprised that I didn’t cum on myself because in one-on-one session, I had been sucked by these guys and had sucked them so to be able to line them up and suck them all off? Does it get any better than that? I thought that it didn’t so after we figured out how to do this and the question of who was going to go first came up, yeah, I hurried up and volunteered to go first and… I learned some shit that, on the one hand, I’m glad that I learned and in that “this is how you don’t do something” way and, on the other, I wish I hadn’t learned it since halfway through the guys, I wound up throwing up all of the cum I had swallowed. What I learned was how semen can upset the water balance in your stomach and when that happens, well, yuck and ew.

You would think that at this point in things, I would have “waved the white flag” and more so when I hate throwing up with a very deep passion but, nope – that’s not what I did; I rinsed my mouth out, drank some water, and finished sucking the guys off. Adult me looks at this and… I kinda don’t know why I continued other than I didn’t want to get my ass busted for being a chicken and too afraid to continue. It was a matter of pride and something I also learned about myself: I knew I could suck all nine of them off and there was no such thing as my not being able to do it and no one was gonna tell me or say that I couldn’t.

Pride goeth before the fall, as they say, and my pride took a big hit… but it was also uplifted in that, okay, I barfed… but I didn’t quit even though, by this time, I was so tired (and barfing, it seems, can make you tired, too) that the last few guys were just fucking my mouth more than I was sucking them. They were nice about it; after I barfed, they all said that I didn’t have to continue, and it would be okay if I didn’t, and I appreciated that, but I had to and because of something my parents would always tell me:

Once you start something, finish it. Well, that and despite barfing, I was having fun sucking them off and adult me cringes to admit that… sometimes. But you can bet anything you want to that it’s something I’d never do again because the most important thing I’ve learned being a cocksucker is that some guys don’t know how to get their dick sucked and, as such, they can make sucking them… not a lot of fun. Yeah, sometimes, I’d be at a house party and sometimes a free-for-all, no holds barred orgy would break out and I’d find myself sucking quite a few dicks in the course of the action and I’m talking about maybe three or four guys at the most – but having more that this number of guys sucking me. One of the things I learned to appreciate about this intoxicant-driven mayhem was how… open a lot of guys and gals would be about stuff like this when, normally and stone-cold sober, it wouldn’t even cross their minds.

It’s not that I couldn’t suck and finish off a lot of men in one setting. I know I can do it… I just know that I wouldn’t want to because guys have a… different mindset about what sucking a dick means and I know – and because I learned the hard way – that I do not like having some guy ramming his dick down my throat like he’s fucking a pussy; just my opinion but face/throat fucking isn’t cocksucking… and it gives me unpleasant chills to read posts about sucking multiple guys and how some of those who would love to experience this “prefers” to be face/throat fucked and because this is what being a submissive cocksucker means to them.

Whatever floats one’s boat. The guys who have done it have said that it was all that and then some and they wouldn’t mind doing it again and I get it (except the doing it again part) – but it’s the guys who want to experience this and many of them have yet to suck a dick and, as such, I don’t believe that they really understand what they might get themselves into. Yeah, porn. I’ve seen some stuff where there’s that one guy who is literally getting his mouth used by a lot of beer-holding guys and in a lot of those scenes, I’ve seen the moment where the guy being fed dick after dick after dick realizes that he shouldn’t have agreed to do this. I tend to sympathize with the poor schmuck because I know what that feels like but, then again, um, you’re a lot older than I was when I experienced this so what, exactly, did you think was gonna happen at some point and more so when it’s a bunch of guys who have been drinking?

I’d never tell a guy not to do this; it’s just something that I wouldn’t do again. Now, adult me has had moments where I’ve sucked off three or four guys in a single day because… why not? I’m sure there were moments when I’d sucked off as many as five guys in a single day but it’s not really a numbers game in that sense but something that was just a good idea at the time and it was fun to not only suck them off but to be sucked off… because if I haven’t learned anything else about this, it’s that I can never ignore or set aside the fact that I do very much love being sucked off so, yeah, if you wanna get sucked off, you’re not going to be the only one because… why should you be the only one getting this pleasure?

It’s not a reciprocation thing but, at the same time, it is. Those self-professed submissive cocksuckers are totally against reciprocation, and I get it… and I don’t. Even my protege, who is one of these modern-day bisexual men, says that cocksucking should be a mutual experience to be shared and I don’t disagree with him on this one as well as his position that he’s not ever going to have sex with a guy who doesn’t suck dick. You don’t have to finish him off but, yeah, guess what you’re going to be doing and if you don’t suck dick, don’t ask him – or me – to suck your dick.

Now, I’ve sucked guys off and it didn’t matter to me if they reciprocated… not because I didn’t want to be sucked but because… I didn’t want to be sucked. This might not make any sense but it does when you consider that I decided that I wanted to suck a guy off… and that’s all I wanted to do. If the guy wanted to reciprocate, I wasn’t going to tell him that he couldn’t since, um, well, yeah – I’d never tell anyone that they couldn’t suck me if they wanted to and if I did, you can bet the house that there’s a damned good reason for it and with the understanding that if there was a damned good reason for it, there won’t be any cocksucking happening at all. I’m just fortunate to have never had a damned good reason to tell someone not to suck me.

The one-on-one experiences are exciting and fun. In situations where there’s more than one cock to be sucked, yeah, it can be… challenging and a challenge that can be hard to resist since, I believe, one’s pride and ego is saying, “Yeah, go for it – you can do it!” but, yeah, the end results could be quite different because as I said earlier, some guys do not know how to get their dick sucked. This kinda neatly ties into another post about sucking a guy’s dick and preferring him to be passive or aggressive when sucking him and, sheesh, I don’t know what guys are thinking about these days but, again and for me, there’s a difference between sucking dick and having it fucked into your face. Aggressive doesn’t work for me and, yep, learned that one the hard way, too. I’ve thought that, okay, I could take on a bunch of guys as long as they let me do what I know how to do and not decide that I need… help in the doing.

But since I know that’s not likely to be the way it’ll go down, let’s not and say I did. Younger me might have let a guy get away with that but adult me? Even in this, younger me didn’t experience guys trying to deliberately ram their dicks down my throat or deliberately give my gag reflex problems and if I made that somewhat embarrassing “urp” sound, they’d back off or wouldn’t get “pissy” if/when I backed off. I had to learn to… contain my hatred of someone holding my head while I’m giving head and more so when I’ve given women head and, whew, some of the shit I’d be subjected to? I was being a hypocrite about that and saw that if I let women put me in headlocks and damned near smothering me by pressing my face very hard against their pussies – and I didn’t get ticked off about it – then why act that way when a guy just merely puts his hands on my head?

Yeah… I had some shit to learn about giving head and the difference between myself and the guys I read about who want to suck a lot of guys at one time is… I did it when I was young, and I had a lot of time and experiences sucking dick to be able to process this in a way that wasn’t detrimental to me in any way. Yeah, finding out that guys were “taking advantage” of me because they knew or heard (a) how much I loved sucking dick and swallowing sperm (b) how ‘good’ I was at doing it and (c) how stupidly easy it was for them to get me to do it was a very painful lesson to learn and that, um, fuck, just being a piece of ass to someone was just one of those things that you either accepted as “the way it can be” or you hated it and you let this hatred make decisions about how you’re not going to have sex going forward.

Or as adult me would be told one day, “You never let anyone steal your joy. Never.” I learned this way before I ever heard these words and, okay, a lot of those guys saw me as merely a means to an end but the question I had to ask myself – and had a hard time answering – was: Did I have fun sucking them off despite what I would eventually learn? And the answer was… I sure as fuck did. The next question was: Should I let just being a means to an end spoil my fun in this?” And the answer was… no and more so when I knew a lot of guys and gals who let shit like this pretty much ruin sex for them and either pride or ego demanded that I never become one of those people.

Did I have fun sucking off nine of my friends? I sure did and, yes, I’m quite proud of that accomplishment as well as being determined to finish what I started even though, um, yeah, I barfed. Yeah, we won’t be doing that one again and simply because I fucking hate having to throw up. Adult me would start looking back at these specific moments in my development as a bisexual male and it made me understand myself and it wasn’t always… comfortable to face some truths about myself like, um, I just love sucking dick and eating pussy even though too many of these experiences, after the fact, shit, let’s just say they’d left me wondering why I thought it was a good idea to do them…

And facing the hard truth about myself: I did… because I really do love doing it. There’s so much joy in putting my mouth on someone and enticing them to cum and/or orgasm and nothing or no one should be allowed to steal my joy. Guys can be assholes about getting their dick sucked and some women, whew, if I thought guys were bad about this, I’ve gone down on women who make those guys look like saints and you suck enough dick and eat enough pussy and you not only learn some shit about yourself, but you also learn some shit about those who you’d go down on… and some of what you learn isn’t nice.

I’m just not of a mind to take on a bunch of a guys all in one setting. Been there. Done that. I know what some guys think “getting my dick sucked” means these days and, nope, not having any of that shit. I could because I know I could because, again, I’ve done it. Especially that multiple guys in one day thing and since a lot of dudes like thinking about the worst that can happen, the worst thing that has happened to me is some guy’s cum… giving me the runs and that was something I had to deal with after sucking off nine of my close friends that day and on top of barfing. Unpleasant but adult me understands the question that must be asked and answered:

Did I have fun doing it? Hell yeah. Sucking off four or five guys in a single day might sound… excessive but the way I explain this is that when you’re hungry, you eat, right, and you eat until you’ve had enough to eat, right? These “multiple guy” experience taught me that I have a… hunger that has to be fed by sucking dick and eating pussy and, um, I can be seriously hungry. I understand this about myself but another important lesson I learned is that just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should do it and, well, taking on a bunch of guys in these modern times is something I shouldn’t do because I know some stuff about sucking dick that the guys who want to experience this – and they haven’t even sucked one dick – doesn’t know about and I shudder to think how this, as a “first experience” would affect them…

But that’s them. Sounds like a great idea. Probably won’t be all that great when it’s all said and done. I sincerely wish any guys who wants to experience this all the luck and success because experience remains to be the best teacher ever. Some have asked adult me if I’ve ever sucked more than one guy (or eaten more than one pussy) and… I just laugh. Not because I think the question is funny, but the answer is – well, I think it’s funny and more so when it’s a safe bet that they have no idea how much I love to give head and getting it, too.

A nice, happy sigh about this one.

PS: As I clicked “Publish,” it occurred to me that this writing, um, puts the “sexual” in bisexual and it is to note that I have zero shame about it – and that’s important for those who are feeling and thinking this way to understand that there is never any shame in doing something you know you wanted to do. How it might turn out is something else to be considered and if it wasn’t all that good of an experience, don’t let that steal whatever joy you’ve found. It’s a mistake that a lot of people make and it’s also a mistake that I almost made or I was about to when I learned that I was being used and taken advantage of.

Don’t let that happen to you. People will try to steal your joy and you should not ever let them do it. Never, ever.

Just needed to add this… and now I’m clicking “Update.”

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Posted by on 27 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 26 August 22

I awoke today and not because my traitorous bladder decided to interrupt my sleep. Nope – I woke up because I felt hot and sticky and thinking that the people who claimed that our memory foam mattress would also keep us nice and cool were full of shit. I’m kinda tossing and turning as I’m waking up and like my body is looking for a cool spot and whenever I moved, I could feel the heat from the previous spot and that’s about the time my bladder decided to join in and bring me to full awareness and right along with an immediate need to take a shower.

Once I made my bladder happy and getting stuff together to shower, that’s about the time when the asshole that lives in my head decided that I needed to recall a hot summer night from my youth and being awakened in the dead of night because I was hot… and on top of the heat of the night.

It was the first night of a planned weekend sleepover with a kinda new friend. We’d known each other for a while but scheduling the expected sleepover took a while to coordinate between the parents and much to our dismay but things fell into place nicely and I was exciting to be able to spend this time with him because, well, he was cool and all that. And as it turned out, it was the last weekend before it was time to go back to school and neither of us were looking forward to it so it was upon us to make the most and best of this moment.

Once I got there, it was the two of us trying to cram in as much fun as we could and to the point where we were commanded to get our dusty and sweaty backsides in the shower before dinner; we’d gone to his room and stripped down and spent a couple of “second” ogling each other’s nakedness before busting out in giggles. We didn’t shower together but there was that moment when we were very naked before each other before getting dressed in clean clothes and heading down for dinner, which was really good, by the way.

After dinner, I played Monopoly with him and his family and he had warned them that I was really good playing it and, well, they found out that they should have listened to him as I cleaned them all out in short order and wiped them all out again when a rematch was demanded. It was a lot of fun but, oh, around 8pm, we were ordered to his room to get ready for bed and told that we’d better be asleep no later than 9pm. We dutifully acknowledged the instructions given to us while knowing that we were going to ignore them but, of course, his parents knew that, too.

It’s PJ time. We strip down to our underwear and I kinda blinked when he stepped out of his underwear before putting on his PJ bottoms. I guess he realized that I was staring at him and he kinda shrugged and said that he never slept in his underwear while wearing PJs and I kinda shrugged and in a “who does that?” kind of way but, okay – I stepped out of mine as well and we took note of the fact that we had the same PJs right up to their powder blue color. We dive into his bed, laughing and acting like a couple of idiots and even did a bit of rassling which got his father’s attention since he decided to pay us a visit to tell us to cut out the horseplaying, turn out the light, and go to sleep.

Yeah, like we were gonna do that but that’s what we wound up doing after a few more minutes of talking about how much we didn’t like going to school.

As I recall, the home didn’t have air conditioning, but it had been rather cool in his room and his bedroom window was open and letting in the cool night air but, at some point, I was… hot. Not quite to the point where I would start sweating but I was hot and I knew that I was even though I was asleep. Not only that but I was having the weirdest dream of having sex with someone and the thing that I remember about that moment was kinda being aware of both things but not being able to wake up but also not wanting to wake up because I was dreaming about someone sucking my dick and making it feel really, really good.

And it started feeling “too good.” I’m kinda awake or, at least, my body seemed to be awake but the rest of me hadn’t caught up yet but there was that… pressure in my balls that, awake or not, I knew meant that I was about to shoot and there was nothing I could do about it unless I could wake up and with a bit of mental effort, I “forced” myself to wake up…

To find my friend quietly and gently sucking on my dick. That just made the pressure in my balls increase and, shit, I’m gonna shoot and I can see that he had no idea that I’m awake and looking at him – and I can see why I was feeling so hot because he’s draped over the middle of my body as he sucked on me and he doesn’t know that I’m awake because he can’t see me. I was in what I would later learn to be a Catch-22; I could let him know that I was awake by telling him I was gonna shoot but if I did that, that might startle him and he’d stop sucking me and I didn’t want that to happen because, jeez, he was making it feel really good and…

It was like that bomb went off, not only in my head but my whole body as I shot my jizz. I heard him moan and I could feel him sucking a little harder and like he was drinking from a straw, and I had the thought that if I wasn’t in the middle of shooting my stuff, I would have been laughing about silly that “image” was in my head. I must’ve moaned – or I’m sure I did but not really sure – because he finished swallowing my stuff, raised up and turned to look in my direction to find me just now being able to open my eyes to look back at him.

“Oh, you’re awake!” he whispered into the night.

“I was hot and thought I was dreaming,” I whispered back.

“I’m sorry but I couldn’t help it,” he said. “When I saw you naked, I knew that I had to. Are you mad at me? You must think I’m some kind of a freak.”

“No, I’m not mad and I don’t think you’re a freak but I wish you had told me that you liked doing that so, um, so I could do it to you, too,” I said.

“Really?” he asked and that got us revealing that we both liked doing it to girls… and boys, too. Which was the perfect excuse and reason for me to help him out of his PJ bottom so I could suck his dick and it was heavenly. He had his pillow over his face to muffle his moaning and that told me that he liked what i was doing and that I should keep doing it and more; he was fucking into my mouth and moving around so much that I had a moment of fear thinking that it could be enough noise to get one of his parents coming in to see if we were all right – and then almost laughing (with all of his dick in my mouth) because I was pretty sure we were both all right.

A few minutes later – and minutes that felt much longer than that – he shot his stuff into my mouth and I moaned as I started to swallow it because (a) there was a lot of it and (b) man, his stuff really tasted good! I’m all hot and bothered and… hot. I’m sweating like a fiend and the breeze that had been blowing in through his window was still coming in but not doing anything about how hot I was on top of being hot and bothered and then feeling… something to have learned that we were more alike than we had previously known or thought.

“Oh, that was very nice,” he said. I knew that he had whispered that but it sounded really loud to me. “Um, uh, do you fuck?”

“Yeah,” I said and because there was nothing else to say. His smile, even in the darkness of his room, seemed to light things up.

“Hang on for a moment,” he said. He slipped out of the bed and went to his dresser, rummaged around in a drawer for a moment, and returned to bed with… a jar of Vaseline and telling me that his parents didn’t know he had swiped this from them and all I could do was smile because I was sure that they did know and the probably knew why he had swiped it… but they might not have known what we were about to do with it.

“Hurry up and put it in me,” he whispered, and I hurried up as much as I could to slather us both up and the moment I got done putting some between his butt cheeks – and putting some in his hole, he flipped over onto his back and opened his legs “high and wide” and urged me again to hurry up and put it in him and I did.

My “greasy” dick slid right into him; it made both of us gasp. He wrapped his legs around me and then he wrapped his arms around me and pulling me tight to him. He kept whispering in my ear a litany I’d heard so many times: “Do it to me, do it to me, do it to me…” And I did it to him and it was so good and not just because my dick felt good inside of him but I was liking how he was moaning and grinding back against me and just like some girls would do when I screwed them.

I don’t know how long I was screwing him but seemed to be “forever” before he whispered for me to shoot my jizz into him, his breath hot against my face and ear and just adding to how hot and sweaty and sticky I was already feeling. He kept saying, “Do it…” over and over and something inside of me obeyed him and… I shot my stuff into him, and I felt like someone was beating me with a baseball bat.

He moaned. He groaned. He bucked against me and was using his hands on my ass to pull me tighter to him and I had a funny moment of thinking that I wasn’t going to get any farther in him than I already was and almost giggled at the thought of him shoving the rest of my body into him – but I didn’t… but maybe I did because he was giggling in my ear. God, this was so good and despite being uncomfortably hot and bothered and hot and sweaty, I knew I wanted him to do it to me and told him as much.

“Your turn to fuck me,” I whispered in his ear. We got separated so fast that if I hadn’t known that I was between his legs and still in his ass, I would have sworn I never was. He got us slathered and I stayed on my belly since (a) I was already lying like that and (b) he didn’t try to turn me over. I felt him on top of me and, a moment later, gasped to feel his prick dive into me in one movement and, god, it felt so good!

“Do it to me,” I whispered to him and the night air. Man, his dick felt good moving in and out of me and I felt my body pushing up against his and hearing our sweaty bodies smacking against each other and the sound seemed to be loud enough for everyone in the world to hear but I didn’t care one bit – all I cared about was his dick in my ass and him screwing me and I could wait for him to shoot his stuff into me and…

He did. I could feel his dick pumping in me as well as his whole body shuddering against mine and like he was being electrocuted. It felt good. It felt very nasty. I didn’t want him to stop putting his stuff in me but I knew that, at some point, he’d be finished, and he would pull out of me and when he did, I felt good but… empty. It wasn’t the first time I’d had this feeling and I didn’t understand it now and no more than I understood it the first time I felt this way. I wanted him back inside of me because maybe that would make this empty feeling go away but “reason” returned to tell me that it’s gonna be few minutes or so before he’d be able to fuck me again. But first, we both had some serious cleaning up to do.

Needless to say, we didn’t get any more sleep that first night. We sucked each other off. We fucked each other. Got cleaned up and talked (and giggled like girls) in between doing it all over again. I remember him telling me at some point that he liked having sex with boys but he hadn’t had a single thought about having sex with me before we wound up naked together in his room prior to showering. He had said that he felt bad about sneaking me like he did but he couldn’t resist sucking me and he even mentioned that it felt weird because he wanted me to wake up and “catch him in the act” but he hoped I would stay asleep at the same time and… I understood what he was saying but, yeah, I was wishing we had been able to talk about this before anything happened… but what’s done is done and what made all of it okay, at least for me, was that we were good at having sex with each other.

Somewhere around 7:30 or so, we both were awake to hear the tapping on his door and his mom telling us to “get our lazy behinds out the bed and cleaned up for breakfast” and we both hid some giggling behind our hands because, um, if we were anything, it wasn’t lazy. Yeah, we both agreed that his mom came to wake us up a half an hour after we got done sucking each other off one more time and, yeah, if she had showed up ten minutes sooner, we might have been in serious trouble… and that gave us another case of the giggles despite how very serious that would have been.

We get to the table to eat and his dad asks us, “Did you guys sleep okay? It was kinda hot last night, wasn’t it?”

Uh oh! Was this his way of him telling us that he knew what we’d been doing all night long? I had to fight that incredible urge to run to the bathroom, but I heard him telling his wife that maybe they should invest in a couple of those new air conditioner things because, during the summer and at night, the house tended to be warmer than it was during the day. I know that I breathed a sigh of relief and I snuck a peek at my friend to see if he was doing the same thing and… he’s eating pancakes and like he didn’t have a care in the world or maybe he didn’t hear his dad but he did hear him because he said – and like I had – that he’d slept just fine but, yeah, it was kinda hot. Yeah, we lied our asses off about sleeping but it wasn’t like we were going to tell him that we didn’t sleep because we had spent the night creating even more heat.

The rest of the weekend was… more of the same. His parents had tossed us out of the house and he took me to the place he would go with his friends in the neighborhood so that they could have all the sex they wanted to and without risking getting caught. We got there and, to my surprise, some of his friends were already there and doing it to each other. They saw us, greeted us and he introduced me to them and let them know that I was not only okay but really okay which made them relax and go right back to what they were doing and, well, let’s say that things… devolved pretty quickly and probably because his friends wanted to find out what it was like to do it to me and for me to do it to them and, man, let’s see:

We got tossed out just after 8:00am; we got to his secret place around 8:15 or so and, let’s say, by 8:30 or so, the “orgy” got started and didn’t break up until maybe 11:00 and only then because we all had to get back to where we belonged for lunch. And… off to get showered and this time, we showered together. No sex but we had fun rubbing our soapy bodies against each other and especially the erections we were both sporting (and he had a very nice one, by the way and he had complimented me on my boner). We got fussed at for getting water all over the the bathroom floor and our lunch was delayed because we had to clean it up but we did that, had lunch, and right back to his secret place and found that we were the only ones there.

We were doing it like neither of us had ever done it before. We admitted that we wish we had known this about each other when we first met because we could have been doing this way before now, but we were doing it now and it was so good. We talked about how… right it felt to like boys and girls and, as I recall, he got… introduced a couple of months after I’d been introduced – and we were the same age – and that made things… special. We… bonded at a level that just felt right and we spend a long time silently thinking about all of this before I felt it was time to empty his balls again. We spent, oh, maybe a couple of hours alone in his secret place before leaving there and kinda wandering around and talking about this and that but also talking about how good it was going to be once it was bedtime and we both laughed when he said, “Who knows? Maybe we’ll get some sleep tonight!”

In the here and now, I’m in the shower and adjusting the water temp down to be cooler and thinking that the thing that made this memory so… memorable was me waking up at some point because I felt hot and sticky and seeing that I felt that way because my friend was snuggled up to me – really kinda draped on me, to be honest – and… it was okay and I went back to sleep. I woke up later because the sun was cooking my face and I went to move but couldn’t because he was still… holding onto me and when I tried to move, he pulled me tighter to hm. I remember being moved by this moment and being “bothered” by it because it felt like I might be in love with him but that was silly – boys can have sex with each other but falling in love? Preposterous! I do remember wanting to make love to him so bad that it kinda hurt but I also knew that if I did, that would be right about the time one of his parents arrived to roust us out of bed.

It was a great weekend and I felt some kind of way about having to head back home. I knew we’d see each other again and especially when school started up again in a few days but… I missed him and not just because we’d shared a lot of sex and other things with each other. We never spent the night or weekend with each other again but we would hang out with each other and I even took him to one of my secret places since he had shared his with me and, well, you know what we spent our time doing. But as these things tended to go, well, it wasn’t like I moved away or he did because we still saw each other in school and all that but I would say that girls got more of our attention but we kinda… grew apart. That kinda bothered me and so much that my mom had asked me why I was being a Sad Sack and while I didn’t tell her exactly why I was being one, I told her about my friend and how we were kinda not friends but we were and she explained to me that as we grow and experience different things and meet new people, things like this just happen and it doesn’t feel good but that’s what memories are for.

Her words of wisdom made me feel better and I had good memories of the two of us hanging out and having sex and, well, they’d have to serve me as I continued to grow and learn about the world around me and, yeah, doing homework and school shit but being able to share some stuff with a guy who was very much like me but also so very different.

I’m done showering and in the process of drying off (so I can put some lotion on me before I start getting ashy) and I can feel myself smiling at this memory of a time where I was hot and sweaty and sticky because I had a friend who took it upon himself to do something to make me feel that way… and even better. So much better and it wasn’t us having mad crazy sex that made me feel that way but also what I learned about myself and my feelings as well as kinda/sorta accepting that I could have “deep feelings” for a guy but at the same time, nah, because that was something gay guys were into and I wasn’t gay.

Which served to remind me, just for a moment, about really falling in love with a guy. The impossible made possible and, I’d say, confirming to me that guys can fall in love with each other and being bi or gay or even straight doesn’t mean a whole lot but, yeah, we’re still guys and we just get weird about stuff like this but knowing that, yep, we feel what we feel and it’s not always lust.

I’m walking around nice and naked and thinking about how glad I am to have had the experiences I did when I was younger and being able to absorb everything and having the wherewithal to put it all into perspective so that my bisexuality wasn’t… two different thing and as I’ve heard so many bisexuals say: It’s all one thing because I’m not two different people – just one person with dual interests in people.

I’m sighing a happy sigh today. Who know what tomorrow will bring?

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Posted by on 26 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 24 August 22

I was furiously scrolling through Twitter last night trying to find the tweet I’d seen previously where Xbox announced that a revamped “Saints Row” game was now available. Yeah, I like this game’s franchise so of course I wanted to get it downloaded to my console, only to have it tell me that the game wasn’t available, which got me scrolling through all those tweets to see if, by chance, I read it wrong… but I don’t think I did.

I had stopped scrolling for a moment to pay attention to the game I was playing – No Man’s Sky – because there was a bad storm happening and I got caught in it so I’m hustling back to my ship and watching my health meter rapidly decreasing. Once I got to safety, I returned to my search for that damned tweet and saw that I had stopped on a tweet that said that the smiling guy frozen in the video was cruising for the first time.

Cruising is “simply” guys, well, cruising areas in search for dick and ass, from men’s rooms to the great outdoors and while I think it’s a given that a lot of cruising clips are staged and that you can’t believe the captions that often accompany such clips, I decided to take a break from being a little frustrated by Xbox and check this first-time cruiser out. He’s smiling nervously; his eyes are darting left and right and understandably so since one of the dangers – and thrills – of cruising is knowing that you could be discovered doing whatever and by someone who might be of a mind to let law enforcement know.

He approaches the camera, and he’s got a look on his face that tells me that he’s not sure that he wants to be doing this but he’s trying to man-up; he reaches down and the camera also moves down to find the guy’s hand wrapping around a rather nice dick. His eyes and head are moving quickly from left to right before he addressing the dick in his hand that he’s been pulling on before he tentatively starts to first lick, then put the head of the dick into his mouth.

I’m thinking that this might have been his first time cruising and possibly his first time sucking a dick or, yeah, the former is a first for him but the latter may not have been since I can tell you how… weird it is to be out in the open and sucking a guy’s dick and that somewhat delicious feeling of paranoia that’s trying to trigger your flight-or-fight instincts. Anyway, I’m paying attention to him more than what he’s trying to do. He takes the guy’s knob into his mouth and backs away from it and I can tell by the look on his face that he’s trying to decide if he likes the taste of the dick or not. He decides that it’s okay and he’s tentatively sucking the dick and being bolder by trying to take more of it into his mouth and with some help of the guy’s hand on his head.

That particular moment got me thinking about that particular moment and the many times I’ve watch a guy go through that same kind of nervousness when he’s got my dick in hand and now he’s trying to decide if he really wanted to suck me and like he said he did. That moment of being very nervous and tentative; a lick or a kiss which is usually followed by the guy licking his lips and I have watched guys doing this and it’s fascinating to actually watch them thinking about this… new taste and sensation their lips have discovered. I have seen the moment their brain decided that it’s not… bad. More kissing and licking before I’ve seen guys make that “fuck it” decision and close their mouth around the head of my dick and more tasting, more decisions and sometimes a glance at me; sometimes, what I see in their eyes makes me remind them that they don’t have to do this and they can stop and it won’t be a problem.

And they continue. Their movements become more… confident and I’m not faking it when I start to sigh and moan because it seems to me that the best head I’ve gotten from a guy is when it’s his first time doing it. And since it is, I have learned to be still and let him find his way and even in those moments when I’ve closed my eyes to savor things, I can tell he’s looking at me to see whether or not I’m liking what he’s doing. If they determine that I do like it, it… emboldens them; they get to be more confident and now he’s sucking my dick and like he’s been doing it all of his life and, sometimes, making me wonder if he was yanking my chain about this being his first time and more so on those occasions where the guy got really bold and deep-throated me (which I never expect or insist upon) and there was none of the gagging that I’ve seen happen with a lot of guys and making me gently say to them, “Don’t try to do more than you’re able to, okay?”

I’ve got this going on in my mind as I’m watching Mr. First-time Cruiser sucking dick and with the guy holding the cellphone shoving the guy’s head down more and more and there was that brief moment when the guy looked up at the dude and there was some panic in his eyes and in the same instant when his hand wrapped around the base of the dude’s dick to prevent anymore dick going into his mouth… and I’ve found it interesting that a guy who has never sucked dick until now just seems to know how to do this but, then again, if he’s ever had a woman suck him, I’m sure he would have seen her do this very same thing upon getting more dick in her mouth than (a) she can handle or (b) wants to be bothered with.

Mr. First-time is having his mouth fucked more than he’s sucking dick and, personally, I’m kinda ticked off about that but I get a grip on that and continue to watch this guy sucking dick and his facial expressions as he does so including the looks I picked up on in his eyes. Given how long this clip has been running, I’m thinking that it’s going to be one that just might show how the guy reacts to getting a mouthful of cum. Homey takes the dick out of his mouth, looks up at the guy and he smiles but it’s still somewhat nervous and I thought that this was because he either knew what was going to happen next or the cameraman told him what he was going to do. The guy goes back to sucking and pumping what dick he had in his hand and I noted that he’s got a… higher grip on the dick that is only allowing, oh, maybe a third of the length of the dick in hand.

I saw the moment the guy came in his mouth because Mr. First-time got that look on his face. Okay, it’s like you know what’s going to happen and most of the time, the other guy will say that he’s cumming (but sometimes not) and that first shot of spunk just gets one to have that look on their face and this guy seriously had it which kinda told me this could be the first time he’s taken a load in his mouth because I’m looking at his eyes and I can see him thinking about some stuff about it and deciding on whether to swallow it or just get away from the rest of it. He blinks and I see his throat working – he’s swallowing it and as he does so, he’s got his eyes screwed tightly closed and the “grimace” on his face is telling me that he’s having a bit of trouble in the swallowing; could be the taste of the cum, the consistency of it, or even the amount he’s found himself dealing with.

He backs away from the dick and as another drop falls from the guy’s cock slit, homey is smiling like he stole something and has gotten away with it. His face was already flushed a nice shade of red from the efforts of sucking and trying to keep all of that dick out of his mouth and in this moment, it’s flushed an even deeper shade of red that spoke to me about how proud he was of himself that he did this. Now, it could have been an act for the camera, but I didn’t think it was because I have, again, watched a lot of guys suck my dick and I’ve learned to pick up on any sign that he’s not liking any of what he’s doing and… that “Hey, I did it!” look is something that cannot really be faked… if you know what to look for.

The clip ends at this point and I can feel myself nodding although I’m not sure why I’m doing this but I am thinking about how cruising seems to have really taken off and some guys being pretty bold in where they’re doing this and my own biases arrive to put their twenty-cents worth in. I’d never deliberately go somewhere looking for some action like this but, yeah, sure – I’ve been in a park and talking to a guy and we decide that, hey, this would be a great time to suck each other or to do a quickie fuck and, yeah, we’re outside and “in the open” and anyone can wander by and see us and it’s both scary and exciting.

I’d never sit in my car somewhere with my dick out and hoping some guy – or a gal – will come along and do something with it. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never had sex in a car and I do remember this one time when I was walking home in a downpouring of rain and a guy – and a guy I knew of – stopped to give me a ride and I blew him to show my appreciation and, um, I had always wanted to suck his dick anyway. But that’s different. Like, sure – I’ve been sucked off in the men’s room a few times but the difference – and if you wanna call it that – is that I didn’t go in there for the express purpose of being sucked off.

It… just happened. I’m at the urinal and since there’s only two of them, I’m almost shoulder to shoulder with the other guy; he looks down at my dick and says, “When you’re done, lemme suck that…” and, well, I’m nicely buzzed after three glasses of my favorite Scotch and I’m horny and he sucked me off in less than five minutes, thanked me, and we both went to the sink to wash our hands after he declined my offer to suck him off. But, again, that’s different.

I’m just sitting there playing my game and thinking about all of this and getting a grip on the whole cruising thing that, again, has taken wings and flying like an F-22 Raptor. One of the bugaboos in things M2M is the inability for guys to host and, well, doing it in a park or wherever is a lot less expensive than getting a room that you’re probably not going to use until the place’s checkout time the next day. I say that one of the highlights of sucking dick is that it can be done almost anywhere and cruising bears this out and happens in places that sometimes makes me say, “I wouldn’t do that…” or, um, reminds me that I did but, again, the difference was that I didn’t go to wherever I was with the purpose of looking for sex and even then I was usually with someone I knew, not that I’m afraid of some guy I don’t know approaching me and wanting to blow me or whatever – I do know how to protect myself and with lethal intent if necessary. Hell, I’m even used to someone watching me do my thing but when they have, it’s because they were already there and I not only do not like being surprised, but I also don’t react well to being surprised by someone showing up and blurting out, “Hey, what are you guys doing?”

That’s a nice way to get hurt.

I get to a stopping point in my game; there’s something I have to build, and I need to acquire the materials to build it and I know it’s going to take some effort to find the materials and I’m not feeling doing all of that work right now so, save the game and get out of it. I’m still thinking about Mr. First-time and how he went about sucking that guy’s dick and that if he was acting, it was most excellent acting… but my instincts told me that he wasn’t putting on a show and, well, in these things, you can tell that there’s some acting going on because the person sucking the dick is staring into the camera which, personally, I think is pretty insipid but I know it’s a “porno trick” that’s supposed to make the viewer get the “don’t you wish this was you?” impressing that, apparently, staring into the camera is supposed to do.

This guy, when he was looking, wasn’t looking at the camera – he’s fixing his eyes on the guy he was sucking and I can even see how aroused he was because his pupils were dilated despite it being a sunny day wherever this place was. I was thinking that this was most likely a double-first time for him; doing in “public” and sucking a dick for the first time. I mean, there are ways to fake this but if you know what to look for – and what you’re looking at – well, you can tell and especially in the many times I’ve seen one of these cruising clips and the cocksucker is experienced because homey just gets after the dick and there’s no hesitation and he might even glance at the camera once and as to say to the viewer, “Watch what I’m about to do!” And you can tell that it’s… scripted because, again, they’re either staring at the camera or they keep looking at it and not really paying attention to what they’re supposed to be doing and, well, yeah.

Which really isn’t the point so much… but guys having to resort to cruising parks and other public places is the point and one that I do understand since good sex is where you find it… and you can find it anywhere and cruising, again, proves this to be true. I’m deciding to start another game and idly thinking about the parks in my area and the possibility of cruisers hanging out in them. Like, there’s this one park not too far from me that gained some notoriety and attention from the state police for… um, illicit activities, mostly drug dealing and usage but a few times, guys have gotten busted and arrested for having sex in public and doing it in a state park, which just worsens whatever charged are handed out.

I know this park. I’ve been there a few times to fish with guys who like to fish (and I’m not a fan, by the way, because I tend to catch stuff that aren’t fish more often than not) and, um, okay, this one time, the four of us decided that catching fish wasn’t working but this was a good spot to catch some dick in our mouths and we were more, ah, successful in this kind of fishing than the aquatic version… but that was us being spontaneous and a bit daring; why wait to go back to someone’s crib when we can do it right here, right now and with the thrill of knowing that someone could wander by and see us doing it.

This is about the time where I sigh, and I am sighing. I get it. It reminds me that just because I wouldn’t be of a mind to do any cruising, it never means that there aren’t guys for which this is the only way they can get their dick fix and, yeah, they have the nerve to capture it on their phone’s video and then decide to put it out there on the social media that will allow it. If someone said to me, “Hey, let’s do a video of us sucking dick/fucking and put it on Twitter!” I would look at them like they lost whatever mind God gave them and say, “Oh, fuck no. Just no.” I’ve never been a prude and I do have a sense of adventure when it comes to having sex and I remain fearless in these things but, well, no. I’ll suck you off but if you like your phone, leave it in your pocket because I’d not want to have to replace it after I take it from you and throw it as far as I can. I’m not camera-shy, either but I have a problem with being… a cliche and/or proving some of those stereotypes I’ve had to live with that says that guys are so desperate for sex that they’ll do anything, anyone, anywhere, and at any time.

There is some truth to this, by the way, but what’s not needed is… video proof of it. I see clips of guys doing the deed while cruising and… wearing masks or otherwise trying to hide their faces which is another indication that whatever you’re looking at has been staged/scripted and, well, I wouldn’t do that because I don’t much give a fuck who knows that I suck dick but there is such a thing as taking shit too far and, besides, I’d find it distracting and I’d rather not be distracted any more than I might be over being somewhere that has a great chance of an encounter with law enforcement and, as such, I’d rather not wind up in a courtroom and explaining myself to a judge and one who just might decide that I need to spend some time in jail to think about the error of my ways.

Yeah, let’s not do that and say we ain’t gonna do that. Yet and still, I understand it and the pornographic aspects set aside for a moment or two. I understand it because growing up with this, me and the gang knew of every place in our area where we could go have sex and the chances of us getting caught or seen doing it, well, the chances were good but also not all that likely since, again, we knew of every nook and cranny and some of them were right under the noses of the adults who would beat the shit out of us for having sex then take us home, tell our parents, and they would beat the shit out of us, too, and for us, again. You just… do it whenever and wherever you can and there is that very scary thrill of knowing that at any moment, you could get caught in the act… but proceeding with the act anyway.

It never helps that our society is still so very much against men having sex with each other but it’s also one of those things that if you’re doing the deed with homey and out of the public eye, that’s all well and good or no face, no case and what no one else knows is going to give you any problems. Fine, but it’s this same… sense of privacy that also doesn’t allow a whole lot of guys to do their dirt behind closed doors and the only recourse is to do the dirt wherever and whenever they might be able to get away with it since, um, parents and baby momma’s, wives and girlfriends, tend to not have a sense of humor about such sexual acts between men and being done in their home.

My mind goes back to those early moments of that guy about to suck a dick in public. He… kinda didn’t want to do either thing but I gave him props for doing it anyway and for the camera, too. I saw the moment where he went from being unsure of what he was doing to being sure about it and the way he was doing it also told me that this could really be his first cocksucking experience and, well, you really can’t fake this. I’ve seen clips of guys acting like they have no idea what they’ve been asked to do and all that but I’ve also seen the moment where they’ve dropped the pretense, too, because I’ve seen that one personally. Yeah, some guys have tried to bullshit me into thinking that they’ve never done this before and the reason why they fail to bullshit me is because I can see it in their eyes that they’re lying their asses off but, okay, I’ll play your silly game and I’ll let you know that you didn’t fool me and now it’s about what grade you get for trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

Yeah, I’ve been fooled plenty of times and I’ve had to be a “good sport” about it but, um, I got my dick sucked and my balls emptied just the same. Thinking about this guy served to “remind” me that people who don’t suck dick can’t imagine what it takes to do it and I’m not talking about the actual attempt to do it – I’m talking about what goes on in a guy’s head that kinda debunks the notion that we will blow each other without a care in the world and indiscriminately. That’s not what really happens and I’m the guy who has been in this situation way too many times who’ll let this truth be known.

Another truth is some guys are just… naturals at it. That or they’ve had all the time they needed to get it into their head that they want to suck a dick and they’re just gonna get right to it no matter what. But that’s not a lot of guys and there is great… trepidation involved. Shit is about to get really real. That first taste and how it’s being processed by their brain always makes a big difference and you can tell if (a) a guy finds it to his liking, (b) eh, maybe not so much but it’s tolerable and, of course (c) just ew and there won’t be anything else after that first taste. I’ve had guys taste me – and dick – for the first time and take a moment to say, “It doesn’t taste all that bad!” but I knew they had decided this because I’ve been watching them for any sign that they’re gonna freak out and, yeah, I’ve seen that one too many times as well and I’d rather they not freak out.

Yeah, I care. Sue me. This guy showed every sign of this trebled first time: First time doing something in public; first time being videoed doing it; and the first time sucking another man’s dick and having cum in his mouth to swallow. I felt happy for him, but I also felt bad for him because a guy’s first time should be in a better setting and without cameras being present… but that’s just me. And I do and still understand some stuff about this, well, not the camera part, but doing what you want or have to do even if it’s in a place that doesn’t afford a lot of real privacy… because needs always must.

And folks who don’t understand why guys blow each other should be aware of some stuff about this that, hopefully, allows them to better understand this but, yeah, probably not since one has to suspend that which they believe in order to see the truth of something: There are, indeed, men who are not gay who suck dick and are okay with other guys sucking their dick… and we will do it wherever we think we can get away with it and all because this behavior is not acceptable and so many cannot do it behind the closed doors that society would prefer this… immoral act to be done.

More sighing. And I’m done writing for now.

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Posted by on 24 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 23 August 22


The first time I heard this word, I was with my, um, well, female fuck buddy and we had planned to screw each other silly but it started out with us playing “Hard to Get” where I was kicking my best seduction game at her and she’s playing hard to get and we’re both trying to be serious about this but that was difficult since we were both laughing and giggling about it.

She finally said, “Okay, we can do it… as long as you do your job!”

“My job…?” I asked and, yes, it threw me for a big loop.

“Yes, your job,” she said, flashing that smile at me that attracted me to her in the first place. “You’re a guy, aren’t you?”

“Um, yeah,” I said, wondering where this was going.

“Okay, so your job is to inseminate me, and I expect you to do your job!” she said – then proceeded to strip down to her very naked glory.

And I… inseminated her and twice more but I had no idea what “inseminate” meant and I’ll admit to being somewhat distracted as I, um, went about inseminating her because I heard a word I’d never heard before but after the first time, she confirmed that I had inseminated her nicely and that got me “invited” to inseminate her two more times. Now, you gotta know that I asked her what that word meant and where she heard it and you gotta know that the only answer I got was her smiling at me and telling me she’d see me tomorrow.

Yeah, that was helpful. I remember walking home and being totally absorbed about this word and to the point that I embarrassed the shit out of myself by walking into a mailbox… and one of the fellas saw me do it. I had to suffer through him laughing his fool ass off but he eventually settled down and asked me what I was thinking about so hard that I didn’t see the mailbox and I tried to not really tell him, but I did tell him that I learned a new word and it had me puzzled enough to walk into the mailbox.

But it wasn’t just the word that had me… bothered. I got home and broke out my dictionary and looked it up and once I saw the definition, I was like, “Oh, okay – that’s what I thought it meant!” You’d think that having shot three loads of cum into my buddy, I would have instantly figured out the connection but, um, I could be the dumbest smart guy you knew at times. In fact, I did make the connection, but it was the word itself that had me walking into mailboxes and putting another thought into my head:

Every time a guy fucked me, he was inseminating me. The dictionary gave me the definition of the verb: “[to] introduce semen into (a woman or a female animal) by natural or artificial means” and, okay, I really made the connection (but still wondered how she learned this word and I was sure it wasn’t in school) but, again, the “disturbing” part was knowing that guys were introducing semen into me and quite naturally either in my mouth or in my butt.

There was something… nasty about the word and I’m not saying that it was a good or bad nasty but the implication of the word was, well, nasty. Directly related to reproduction and I understood this – no, babies were never delivered by storks, mailmen, or milk delivery guys – and just saying the word kept sending shivers through me that were both good and kinda not so good. Which eventually led to that moment a few days later when a guy was fucking me and started to cum and I thought, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” and how it… bothered me that I was, in fact, being inseminated and the thought felt… nasty but a good kind of nasty and I remember smiling to myself as he finished… inseminating me because that thought of him trying to get me pregnant was both very real and very damned impossible.

Which, um, which was one of the reasons doing something with a guy was “preferred” because of this impossibility. The word was stuck in my head like it got nailed there and it would make me run the gamut of emotions, from being disturbed by the reality of it to laughing to myself – and sometimes, out loud – about how it felt to say the word and it felt… nasty. My buddy telling me that she expected me to do my job really brought that reality home to me. She didn’t get pregnant (well, not by me) but it was the act and what it meant that bitch-slapped the piss out of me and more so when I’d been getting inseminated both orally and anally… and pretty much loving every time it happened.

And having to accept the very stark reality that I liked being inseminated. It felt good to be inseminated and, yeah, semen, more often than not, tasted really good and while I knew what role semen played in making babies, that damned word being stuck in my head brought even more starkness to the reality I was experiencing.

Girls/women/females weren’t the only ones who could have semen introduced into them and as far as the use of the word “animal” in the definition, I knew that humas were also animals – but I inferred that the definition meant cows and horses and, yeah, I’d learned that artificial insemination was a method used by farmers to make more of whatever animals they needed. I understood this but taking it to the human level of things, I was not only inseminating girls but guys, too, and being inseminated by them and the thought of this very natural thing was… nasty. A good nasty but still nasty and made even nastier when I knew that cum is a two-part thing: Semen is the medium that contains our sperms and what we called pre-cum was, in fact, seminal fluid minus the sperm although some sperms could be present and, yep, that’s how some girls got pregnant even though the guy didn’t cum in her.

Ah, science!

It took me quite a while to get inseminate out of my head. Hell, me and my fuck buddy made a game out of it like me giving her a call and telling her how much I would love to inseminate her if she was of a mind to be inseminated and we’d laugh and giggle and she’d get inseminated orally, vaginally, and a couple of times, anally and it was all good clean but nasty fun… but with some human nature realities that couldn’t really be ignored when I was the one being inseminated.

And loving the shit out of it. Finding out that I liked that part more than whatever it took to get to that part. Really understanding what that pumping action meant and making it all nice and nasty to feel that pumping in my mouth or my ass; to swallow the guy’s semen; to feel it oozing out of me after it got pumped into me. Oh, yeah – inseminate me! I would catch myself thinking this while a guy was, um, going about inseminating me and I’d have to bite my lip or something to keep from laughing because it was a silly thought and an unnecessary one because one way or another, the guy giving me his dick was going to do his job.

Well, hopefully he would… and he’d better.

Once I understood what this damned word meant, I could see that even if a guy didn’t know the word existed, they knew what cum was and some guys were very afraid of it because it was believed that a guy’s cum would make another guy… gay. No, I am not joking about this because I had fucked quite a few guys who told me not to cum in them because they didn’t want to be gay. Later, I would hear some guys say that as long as no cum was involved between two guys, it wasn’t gay at all and…

Have I ever mentioned how weird guys can be about cum?

Inseminate. I’ve done it to guys and gals and guys have done it to me. I inseminated my wife three times, and the result was that she got pregnant. All well, good, normal, and just as nature intended but I’d also understand with a great deal of clarity that it’s also well, good, normal, and natural for guys to inseminate each other because, um, it felt good to be on either end of the insemination and that the only thing really “gay” about it was knowing and understanding what being homosexual meant and, indeed, why it became a sin…

Because a guy can inseminate the daylights out of me… and the only result is I have a mess to clean up afterward. No babies. Being gay is more than the sex, of course but, yeah. No babies. And making babies was a very big thing and deal early in our emergence as a species so it made sense to me that we – human males – were being restricted to only inseminating females but somewhere along the line, it became a recreational thing to do as well and, um, being able to inseminate females was whatever fun it was going to be but I maintain that somewhere in our species’ existence, two guys found that inseminating each other was a lot of fun, too.

As a sexually active bisexual man, I have inseminated… and I’ve been inseminated. Whew! Understanding some… weird stuff about it like how… upset one can get when they’re expected to be inseminated and it doesn’t happen for some reason or the other. Or why I’ve heard women say that being screwed with a condom doesn’t feel the same when the guy’s body does the insemination thing – and a sentiment that I found myself agreeing with given how totally pissed off or otherwise discomfited when I didn’t get inseminated and as I wanted and expected to be.

And understanding that women aren’t the only ones who like feeling a nut being busted inside of them. And it feels just as good in the moment of inseminating a guy as it can and does inseminating a woman, you know, if she allows it. Guys doing this to each other is, by definition, a very gay thing to do but it got a bit confusing for me early on because… I wasn’t gay so how is this gay when I’m not gay? Yeah, I’d get around to understanding the… distinction but it remained true that I loved being inseminated but I’m also not gay and even in those early days of my evolution and development as a male bisexual, I knew there was more to it than it being a gay thing.

It just took me a while and learning the word inseminate to really understand the sheer and very natural thing that was really going on and while morality and other social norms forbid men from inseminating each other, that never meant that it wasn’t good to be on either end of the insemination process.

Sigh. I had learned a new word that day and learned a lot of other stuff about sex, men and women and, importantly, myself. Sex without insemination was, well, kinda blah; not all that bad but, bleh, could’ve been better but, sex with insemination? Ahh! So much better if not having the potential of being… messy. And getting an idea of why some guys were seriously afraid of being inseminated and that was because of the permanent association with this being a gay thing to do.

Man, I would get some looks on my face hearing a guy say that he’d suck my dick or I could fuck him… but don’t cum in either place. Yeah, sometimes when it was a blow job, it was about the other guy not acquiring the taste but I would learn that it wasn’t just that – it was the gay implications behind taking another man’s cum in mouth or ass and, yeah, how… “girly” it felt because of the permanent association that says only women are to be inseminated which, of course, had begged the question in my mind of how I could feel so girly in that moment when I’m not a girl but, yeah, if you understand what we’re told about the way sex is supposed to be, it’s kinda not rocket science if you also understand how we associate things in our minds and then the shock and awe to find out that guys can be inseminated… and like the shit out of it, too… and, technically, they’re not homosexual… but the sex is.

Hmm. I think that I either had the good or “bad” fortune of having learned this word and probably way before I would wind up learning it by some means. This is one of those “the jury remains out” kind of thoughts because it doesn’t change what actually happened… and I never found out how she learned the word, by the way and it wasn’t for a lack of me asking her about it. She’d just smile and laugh and ask me which thing I would rather do: Talk about insemination… or inseminating her and, well, you can guess what thing I chose but thanks to her, the word was etched into my mind I got my mind opened even more to some stuff like, yeah – guys inseminate each other. Duh. And that it’s just human nature at work but also that our social norms and contracts are pretty specific about who’s supposed to get inseminated and, um, it’s not us guys so much.

The best part of having sex with a guy? When he cums. That’s something a lot of us bi guys agree on as well as whatever was going on to get him – or ourselves – to that literally seminal moment. Understanding that we can simulate the act of insemination – and they call that masturbation. Hmm. I had felt… messed up because it wasn’t like I didn’t know about this; I just hadn’t known there was a word for it and, well, the asshole I had learned that had taken up residency inside my head took this word and ran “buck wild” with it and made some shit very, very clear to me.

It was… disturbing. Sometimes nasty in both good and bad ways or, um, why does it feel so good? Because it’s supposed to and you don’t have to inseminate a female to understand this and it’s one of things that if you’re a guy and you enjoy being inseminated, you have learned some stuff that women know about why it feels so good to have a guy cum inside of them as well as them having reason to not want to be inseminated.

We sometimes talk about this on the forum and, again, we agree that feeling a guy’s cock pumping away in our mouth or ass is… all that and then some. We agree that it’s upsetting to not get a guy’s cum and to the point where we get it into our heads that we’re at fault that he didn’t… inseminate us where we wanted him to. The embarrassment behind not being able to do it is… awful because, yeah, we had one job and we failed to do it. Me having a good laugh or two because I understand that not all sex results in insemination and, yep, I’m talking about females having sex and, yeah, I hear that someone invented a dildo that can simulated insemination, from the pulsations to some kind of fluid being expressed; as I seem to recall, there are a couple of guys on the forum who has one of these puppies.

Understanding what’s… going on when a woman cums while I’m eating her and I can feel her clit pulsing in my mouth and just like my dick does when I cum. Yeah, she’s not gonna inseminate me but my discovering this was also very damned eye-opening and, hmm, it really isn’t that much of a coincidence that a woman’s clit looks like our dick – just smaller. Mother Nature is something else, ain’t she?

While bisexuality – and like any of the other sexualities – isn’t just or all about the sex, isn’t it fun to go about the business of inseminating someone and being inseminated? Yeah, yeah, it’s in our nature to be messy about it but when everything has been agreed to, it’s insemination time! Or those moments when you’d rather not be bothered with someone else’s hot and sweaty body all over you and you have… ways to simulate inseminating someone or feeling your body going through the motions because masturbation is fun and also very normal and no matter all that crazy shit you might hear about it being unnatural and believing that it’s a sin (and it never was, by the way).

Being inseminated by a guy. That’s some heady shit and, okay, let’s say the pun is intended this time, shall we? Just as heady to be the one doing the inseminating and understanding the pure human nature of doing it but also being aware of how… nasty – and not in the good way – it can feel because it’s been implanted into our minds that we – men – are not ever supposed to be involved in this very natural thing with each other. Asking myself time and time again – and sometimes after me and some guy inseminated the daylights out of each other – which thing is right? The sin of it or that it’s just what we were designed to do and enjoy because, well, humans are animals – we’re just different from, say, that cow that has to be artificially inseminated but we know that human females sometimes have to be inseminated this way when they want children but, hmm, not counting this, it sure is fun having sex and some insemination is happening.

Or being a bi guy and into the sex and you’re the one being inseminated or, for some reason, eh, ya don’t want anything to do with it and on either side of the deal. I understand the porn “money shot” thing but I also know that some guys are just afraid of this part of the sexual act and it’s not “all because” of the disease card that, these days, some guys love to slam down on the table as the reason why they won’t inseminate a guy or be inseminated in turn.

Because it is defined as a homosexual thing to be doing and homosexual is bad. If I had never heard a guy say to not cum in them because they feared becoming gay and someone had told me this, I would have had a hard time believing them but, then again, I had the… advantage of learning all of this before a lot of guys did and, as such, I knew that as far as they were concerned, giving or getting cum made one gay and gay was to be avoided at all costs or else. I sit and read on the forum where guys talk about how much they love getting a facial or how they enjoy being fucked and the guy pulls out and shoots all over them and I don’t really doubt what they say in these things… but is there another reason why they won’t take a man’s cum orally or anally and the dreaded disease card has nothing to do with it?

It’s not always about not acquiring the taste. It’s not about how much it can hurt to have a hard dick easing its way down that one-way street. It can be, I tend to believe, some internal and socially created dissonance that has a lot to do with our morality and the ever-present taboo and, yeah, maybe, some kind of… belief that if you don’t get inseminated, it’s not… gay and if it’s not gay, no “sinning” has been done. I get that and accept it as one of the many truths involved because, again, I have had too many guys tell me how they feel about getting creamed and how scary a proposition it is for them and even, yeah, that’s a girl-thing and it’s “their job” to be the recipient of our semen.

This is the part where I ask any or all females who just read this to put away the sharp and pointy objects because I’m just the messenger and since I’ve been inseminated, um, quite a few times, I know that it’s not your “job” and like social norms insists it is. I can admit that in some of the times I’ve been going about and being inseminated, I’ve felt “girly,” but I know why I do, and it has nothing to do with being a girl, but I have never, ever been inseminated and felt… gay.

Never. I don’t think there’s a bi guy who hasn’t wondered if they’re really gay because, um, getting and giving some dick with insemination feels fucking amazing, um, once you get used to it. But there is also not a lot of guys who have wondered if they’re gay while also knowing that they aren’t since they love the shit out of women. Giving a guy your cum and getting some cum from a guy doesn’t make one “gay by injection” to put it in this kinda crude way.

But some guys avoid insemination because, well, they believe it’ll make them gay. It’s not exactly the sex that bothers some guys – it’s the insemination and what it means and implies that I’ve learned can really fuck with a guy’s head and in some very unsettling ways. Like, when a newbie has sucked me off and gotten a mouthful of my cum – and they say that it wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be – I would learn from then that they weren’t talking about the taste of my spunk; what they’re really saying that it ain’t bad being inseminated this way. Taking my cum into their body. Or they’ve inseminated me and, how about that? It wasn’t that bad and… it didn’t make them gay at all.

Well, I told you that it wouldn’t – and only if it was me telling you that it didn’t make me gay, but you had to find out for yourself and wasn’t it fun finding out? Now, is this… a lot of overthinking?

I don’t believe it is and more so when there are so many people who don’t know “all of the details” about why men are bisexual or, as we often get asked, what do we get out of sucking a guy off or being fucked in the ass when the answer is obvious but not really: What we get is… inseminated. Orally. Anally. Other good feelings involved but the preferred end result is being inseminated and it feels good to be inseminated… because it’s supposed to feel good but, yeah, sometimes, getting to that moment might not be a whole lot of fun and even as evidenced by the many times I’ve found myself wishing, hoping, and praying that he hurry up and cum – and second-guessing myself about being in this position to begin with – but when he cums?

Ahh… It makes everything… complete. I could even “forgive” the guy making me feel some kind of way while waiting for him to cum because he did and… ahh. Yassss! Give me all of it and, yeah, I’ve felt myself feeling some kind of way once he’s done giving me whatever he had to give. I’ve heard so many guys say pretty much the same thing.

Many years later, I would run into my former fuck buddy. I was downtown and I had my daughter with me in her stroller and she was having a baby moment and then said, “I see you’ve been doing your job!” For a moment, I didn’t know what she was talking about, but that early memory returned and all I could do was laugh and say that, yeah, this is the second time I’d done my job in this miraculous way and she allowed that she had been… miraculous three times. I did remember to ask her how she learned that word that caused me some interesting confusion and just as she had when we were younger, she just smiled, laughed and said, “See you around – and keep doing your job!”

I had wanted to tell her how much I also enjoyed guys, um, doing their job but I didn’t get the chance to and that was okay. But as I went on about my business, I was thinking that inseminating – and being inseminated were both good things but things that not every guy can find enjoyable since, forever and ever, we are never to do this to each other.

Yet, we have been all along and you don’t have to be a gay man to enjoy any of it.

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Posted by on 23 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 13 August 22 – Supplemental

“Dean” is on top of me and fucking into me pretty hard, but I was determined to bear up under this punishment because I knew he was punishing me because I refused to suck his dick…

And that was because he had… foreskin. Ugly foreskin. So, yeah, he wasn’t happy with me, but I’d rather put up with him fucking me really hard than to suck him. He’s hurting me, not enough for me to make him stop, but just on the other side of feeling good and I’m equally determined to not let him know this because that would probably make him try to fuck me even harder.

It’s… feeling good now and I sigh as he’s sliding in and out of me; I feel him shift his position so he can lay fully on me, and I can feel his breath on the side of my face and in my ear. He leans closer to my ear and I’m thinking that he’s going to tongue my ear and kinda hoping he does – and doesn’t – because if he does, I’m going to shoot all over his sheets.

Instead, I hear him ask, “Why do you like being screwed like this?” And in between grunting at how hard he’s banging me, I manage to ask him, “Like what?” He comes back with, “Being on your stomach instead of on your back like everyone else likes and does it?”

I know why, of course, and I can’t believe we’re even talking about this but I don’t get a chance to answer him because he’s in my ear and saying, “I’m gonna do it!” over and over and, oh, yeah – he’s shooting his stuff in me and that just feels so good. Even though he was finished creaming me, he stayed on top of me, and his dick was still in me despite being soft and he says, “You didn’t answer my question.”

Oh. Was I really supposed to? He lets me up and I almost giggle to hear that squishy, popping sound as his dick came out of me. I start to tell him why I like being screwed that way… while he’s sucking me to get me ready to fuck him; I get hard, he slathers Vaseline on both of us, lies on his back with his legs bent at the knee and I easily slide into him… and I’m still answering his question.

Yeah, it could be weird like that with some guys. I finish answering with, “It makes my hips hurt too much…” and he says, “Oh, okay – do it to me harder and shoot your jizz in me!” Which I do a few minutes later and while we’re cleaning up the messes we made in each other’s butt, he asks me why I wouldn’t suck his dick…

This, um, popped into my head as I scrolled through Twitter and stopped at a clip of two men having sex and the one guy is on his stomach while getting boned, which is what reminded me of what Dean had asked me that day. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be screwed like that because I would get screwed in the missionary position… but it really did (and still does) make my hips hurt and the pain is distracting and makes me tense up and that makes being screwed hurt.

My mind flashed from this memory to another one where I was having a conversation with a fellow bi guy and he asked if there was a reason so many guys liked it from the back but at this moment in time, I had an answer because I had had a guy explain it to me: It’s so that the guy being screwed doesn’t have to make eye contact with the guy screwing him.

When I heard this I was of two minds. The first was, “That doesn’t make sense…” and the other was a memory of a guy telling me that I could do it to him as long as he didn’t have to look at me while I did – and he wouldn’t be the only guy I’ve screwed who expressed this “requirement.” To be on your back, legs all in the position, and to look down and see his dick working inside of you is one hell of a visual and I thought that, okay, it’s a visual that drives home the fact that you’re being screwed “like a girl” and some guys could find that unsettling, that and winding up locking eyes with the guy.

I had told the guy I was talking to about my hip issues but also added that being on my stomach is comfortable unless the other guy outweighed me by a lot and decided to lay down on me… and a memory of that time Fat Kenny screwed me, laid down on me, and almost smothered me. Yeah, that wasn’t fun.

I’m so into remembering this that I don’t realize that the clip has started over again and since it was one of those old dude/young dude clips, I sent it to Cityman who seems to be… fascinated by this particular genre. Still, I wanted to see something, so I tap the icon for the author of the clip and got presented a lot of men – mostly younger ones – being screwed by older men while flat on their stomach and I said to myself, “Hmm. I need to write down what I was remembering before I forget it…” And while the men doing the screwing were having some… balance and leverage issues and the guy on his belly was acting like he was being murdered, I saw that one doesn’t have to do “any work” in this position…

I knew that already but, still. I must’ve breezed through 20 or 30 clips and with the exception four or five, every guy getting boned was lying on their belly. I was remembering the times I’d started out on my knees and face down/ass up… and homey would wind up flattening me out anyway and it would feel good to be able to stretch out while he was stretching me out.

The asshole in my head chose to remind me of that time a friend was screwing me in this position, and I was so comfortable that I… went to sleep for a moment but he hadn’t known that I was napping and then doing it while he was cussing as loud as he could and then, as he came in me, so loud that it woke me up. I felt… embarrassed to have nodded off but, yeah, being like that was just comfortable.

Yeah, asshole – thanks for reminding me of that and like I needed to be. I’m just glad I decided write this down just the same.

PS: Since I’d written this on my iPad, I had to come back and clean it up, fix some autocorrect errors, etc. And I’ll be damned if I know how one of my iOS emojis got inserted…

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Posted by on 14 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 10 August 22

I woke up way before I was ready or wanted to because my nose got all stuffy and bad enough that I had to grope for my venerable Vick’s inhaler, you know, the one you stick in your nose and get some menthol in there. Usually, I take a couple of snorts on it and my nose gets unstuffed but, nah, not today and I had to get up and run some saline through there and, jeez, I fucking hate doing that because it stings the shit out of my eyes and then I spent the next couple of minutes very gently blowing my nose and making a note to grab another box of tissues.

I go back to bed and, ahh – no stuffy nose and just as I was dropping back off to sleep… stuffy nose again. I’m fairly sure that I’ve gotten older and have become allergic to… something but my doctor loves to prescribe me Flonaze and I don’t know why because he knows that when I snort that stuff, it makes my nose bleed… and I have a wealth of blood thinner in my system to make this a messy problem and the other things he’s prescribed are iffy about working.

Oh, well. I’m awake (and I know I’ll be napping hard later today) so I might as well get my ass in the shower and, who knows – maybe a nice, steamy shower will fit the bill. A bit of an aside: I was able to get a “free” shower chair courtesy of a program my health insurance company has and ever since I had my stroke, there’s been that greater risk of me losing my balance and falling… and I’ve had a couple of close calls over the years and I’m glad they had this program so I can shower safely and with some piece of mind.

So I’m in there and getting all soaped up with the latest Axe soap that I wanted to try and, well, I know what it’s called but I can’t really explain what it smells like but it’s… interesting and it’s either black or it’s a deep purple which, when I first used it, was disconcerting but, okay. As long as it gets my ass clean, it can be day-glow orange for all I care. As I’m washing and scrubbing, my mind decides to take a trip to the gutter and recalling all of the times I’ve showered with a guy and, um, we didn’t make it to the bed before busting nuts. I was thinking that I’ve showered with women and it’s so… different from showering with a guy and I’m not sure why I perceive it like this, but I do.

I’m washing my butt and the asshole that lives in my head is having a field day making me remember all of the times I’ve showered with a guy, have got to the “wash the butt” part and wound up with a hard dick in my ass. Not unwanted, mind you but, yeah, sometimes, kinda unexpected since this wasn’t what we agreed to before we wound up in the shower together. One of the things I learned about this is that, well, you shower to make sure both of us are nice and clean and taking a shower before showing up for the meet tended to result in winding up taking another shower anyway.

Shower sex can be fun, but it can be dangerous, too; I remember hearing about a guy I knew of who was having shower sex, slipped in the tub, and broke his back, neck, and one arm and the only good thing about that was that he didn’t suffer any permanent damage. I thought that I would have loved to be in the ER with him as he explained to the doctor how he got injured although I was sure that he told them that he was in the shower and he just slipped and fell when, um, word on the street was that he was getting dicked-down with great gusto and… slipped on the bar of soap.

My mind decided to remind me how… ham-handed some guys can be trying to wash you or how inept they can be but that makes sense given that they’re more used to washing themselves than someone else. My mind also had a good time laughing at me while showing me scenes of me trying to suck a guy’s dick and having to deal not only with the water coming out of the shower head but some guys love taking showers with water that’s the temperature of molten lava. Or that one time I was happily blowing the guy and he goes to caress my face and got soap in my eyes. Yeah, I fail to see the humor in this and let’s not forget to mention that most shower setups aren’t designed to have two people in there to begin with and it can be like having sex in a closet.

My mind regaled me with that time where I was actually looking forward to being fucked in the shower with the guy and had gotten everything all nice and soapy… and he couldn’t get it in me. My whole body was so slick with soap that my feet were sliding all over the tub and despite those doohickeys you can put in a tub to keep from slipping and we were both frustrated and after getting out of the shower and into the bed, he still couldn’t get it in me and despite all the lube he’d slathered both of us with… and necessitated taking another shower – just not together this time.

I’m not saying that shower sex with a woman has always gone the way we would have liked it to, but I’ve had more… epic fails showering with guys than I have with women and I’ll be damned if I know why. I’d meet a guy and we get to where we want to be and he goes, “Hey, we should shower together!” and, um, shit, let’s not and say we did but, on the other hand, there is that… man funk thing to deal with and depending on what we’d been doing before arriving for the meet. Truth be told, I’ve met a guy and he’s stripped down and, dude – what the fuck were you rolling around in that made you that smelly? Oh, you’re gonna get your ass in there and, no, I’m not going to join you because you need to get clean… and I have learned that, too many times, if two people are in the shower together and sex happens, actually getting clean becomes a foregone conclusion.

My mind asked, “Hey, do you remember that time that guy was fucking you in the shower and taking his own sweet time about doing it… and the hot water ran out?” Yeah, I sure do remember it and I also remember having to make him get out of me because I was shivering and, yeah, you can get hypothermic in your own shower and especially in the cooler months. Just remembering that faux pax made me add a bit more hot water to the mix to ward off the shivering I clearly remembered. He wasn’t pleased at all, by the way, and decided to voice his displeasure and, well, he’s ranting and raving about me not being man enough to “take a little cold water” and then going from berating me to pleading with me to stay as I got dressed and was on my way out the door.

I don’t mind having sex in the shower but when that water gets cold, it’s time to get the fuck out. My mind noted – and as I was rinsing off and ready to get out and all that – that I’ve had better sex with women in a shower than I have with men… and I don’t know why. I mean, um, eating pussy in the shower isn’t that easy and more so if she’s standing in the water and, well, you can imagine the difficulty, can’t you? And that tub/shower combo doesn’t exactly lend itself to any kind of stability, unlike showers that are… just showers and with nice flat walls you can lean against and in hotel showers, most have that bar – or a few of them – where one can hang on for dear life while being sexed in the shower.

I’d just rather have sex in the shower with a woman than with a man – I’ve just had better experiences with women and why I have… escapes me. I don’t know what it is that makes it so different other than, hmm, perhaps, women are better at doing the washing? I’ve, um, I’ve been so sensually washed by a woman that it was orgasmic… and not so much with a guy and with the one exception of, yes, my gay boyfriend who was very good at washing me before, um, things got out of hand and, once, almost dangerously so when he slipped and would have fallen out of the shower were it not for me quickly grabbing him and potentially saving him from a serious injury… and that was the last time we had sex in the shower, too.

I’m rinsing and I’m either frowning at these memories or smiling at them. Sitting down to take a shower is… interesting. It’s something that I haven’t quite gotten used to and beginning with… that seat is hard plastic and not all that comfortable… and I had a stray thought about looking on Amazon to see if they had a seat cover for shower seats to make sitting on it comfortable- and I wouldn’t be surprised if they had them. Then the asshole in my head asked, “Hey, wouldn’t it be interesting to have sex in the shower and on the shower chair?”

Yeah, I could see how that could be interesting, but it did make me think about how well the chair doesn’t move while I’m sitting on it and as I found out when it became clear that I had initially placed it too close to the front and trying to scoot back so I could wash my legs and feet, well, that chair wasn’t going anywhere with me sitting on it and even when I stood up to move it back, I had to pick it up because it wasn’t gonna scoot… and that’s a good thing.

As I’m drying off, I’m still thinking about those good moments being in the shower with a guy and, yeah, he’s got his dick buried inside of me and there’s something… erotic about it but the downside to it has often been this happening and whichever one of us was doing the fucking… cums. Well, that’s kinda the whole purpose of it but it’s like once homey gets his dick in me, stopping before he cums so we can get out of the shower, dry off, and take it to the bed isn’t all that likely to happen. All by itself, that’s not a bad thing but… that motherfucking refractory period of sex lands on him (or me) and… shit. It literally feels like being very hot and overheated and someone throwing a bucket of ice water on you.

I’ve felt guys cumming in me and while it felt wonderful, my mind is saying, “Well, that the end of that…” and even more so when it’s not likely that I’m going to get the chance to bust a nut unless I jerk myself off. I mean, in that situation, I’ve had guys do that for me, but I could tell that his “heart” wasn’t in it and that he’d rather be anywhere else than in the shower with me and with my dick in his hand. Here’s the thing, though: I can have sex with a woman, fuck her in the shower, cum… and it’s not game over. Get out, dry off, and hit the bed for more of the same…

And I’ll be damned if I know or even understand how – and why – that works but doesn’t work all that well with guys. I got to a point where I’d meet a guy and he’d say, “I’m gonna shower…” and it’s an unspoken invitation for me to join him and I’ve said, “Okay – I’ll be right here when you get out!” Yeah, he’s disappointed but I’ve learned some shit about showering with a guy and having sex with them in there and it hasn’t worked more than it has worked so, okay, let’s not and say we did shower together, okay?

I’m puttering around the place and enjoying the moment of being buck naked and thinking about all the shower sex scenes I’ve ever seen, and they’ve looked so erotic and all that… but the reality? Different, well, at least for me. Seriously erotic with women, not so much with men and, well, maybe it’s something that’s in my head and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it… except to not shower with a guy before we have sex; I’d rather shower by myself first because, well, because.

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Posted by on 10 August 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Top Searches: Japanese Porn

Wow, it’s actually been a while since I’ve seen anything in the Top Searches portion of my Dashboard and what do I see?

Something about Japanese mom/son porn! Which got me thinking about Japanese porn in general and, um, the Japanese are funny about it; they don’t mind showing nudity but loves to blur out genitals at the same and “most” of the time… and I kinda remember the first piece of this porn I saw where this “poor” girl was hog-tied and spread wide open and at least five or sex men, armed with all kinds of vibrators and other toys were doing a number on her.

And I thought, “What the fuck is this?” Who knew the polite Japanese could be so freaky? To me, it was like watching a train wreck in progress as the men used toys on her and she was looking like she wanted to be anywhere other than where she was. They were taking turns feed her their dicks – and I noted that a few of them needed a serious trimming but the poor woman was artfully trimmed; there was a round of her being made to eat dicks… then they started fucking her.

A guy slid on in there and in “amazing jackrabbit style,” started wailing away inside of her and I’m kinda laughing at that but looking at her and she’s still looking, well, like a victim which I didn’t think was cool at all but I also knew that when you’re watching porn, not everything is as it appears to be but I was fascinated just the same. That guy unloaded in her and pulled out and the camera catches a moment of his cum oozing out of her – but just for a moment because the next guy dives right on in and I’m thinking, “Holy shit -they’re gangbanging the shit out of her!”

My Japanese at the time was… not all that fluent but I’m picking up bits and pieces of her saying, “No, no, I don’t want to do this anymore…” or otherwise begging and pleading for them to cease and desist which they had nothing to say in response because they were too busy filling her up with dick and cum and to the point where I lost count of how many men had been in her. This one guy gets finished unloading into her and this had been going on for so long that it took me a moment to realize that they were finished with her and…

She smiling like she stole something or like she just won a big lottery prize, and I don’t know what to think about what I’d just watched.

I watched another one at another time and it was “mom/son” porn and I’m thinking, “Okay, they’re even kinkier than I could have ever imagined!” and it was… weird because “mom” was clearly putting a move on her “son” and, again, my pitiful Japanese was picking up that the husband had died and she was lonely but not of a mind to do anything about it and, well, there’s her “son” who I’d say was a “young stud of a guy.” She makes some ridiculous advances and he’s acting like he has no idea what she’s doing – then he realizes it and he’s trying to get away from her and saying that we shouldn’t do this and all that.

But once she got his dick out and went down on him, he changes his tune at the speed of light. Now, as a cocksucker myself, I’m checking her out for technique and all that and, well, she’s “not that good” at it but, then again, this could be just part of the script. Then it got… weird again. The roles switch; “mom” goes from being the aggressor to – wait for it – becoming the victim! It’s like she had a big change of heart about needing to get laid and… she’s begging him to stop, telling him that this cannot go on and he should think about his dead father and I’m laughing my ass off as she’s trying to fight him off.

He gets her legs open to reveal a rather beautiful pussy that is artfully trimmed, too. He goes down on her and, as a practitioner of the art of cunnilingus, I’m checking him out for technique and, okay, he’s eating her like her pussy is going to bite him which had me howling with laughter because, when I was growing up, I heard a lot of guys saying that Oriental women’s pussies had a horizontal slit and that was because it was really a mouth and it had teeth.

He doesn’t spend a lot of time timidly eating her which her reaction was like, “I don’t wanna do this but it sure feels good!” as she fought against being brought to orgasm and, I guess, that happened a few times if the look on her face at times was any indication. But he gets his head from between her legs and he’s about to spear her and… the victim returns. More begging and pleading and the “son” obviously ain’t hearing or having any of it and after a few seconds of rubbing his knob against her clit, he plunges into her up to the hilt and cranks the speed up to 100 and I’m thinking, “Do all Japanese men fuck like this or is this just for show?”

He’s speed-hammering her and her voice is sounding like a victim but her body isn’t so much and I found this to be kinda odd; she’s not exactly just lying there and taking the dick but she’s not “into it” either because the look on her face was almost identical to the woman I mentioned in the first flick – she looks like she would rather be fed to the sharks or to, gasp, commit seppuku than to be having her pussy pounded by her “son” – and keep in mind that she started this. She’s going on and on with the “we can’t be doing this” stuff and all I heard from him were grunts and.. he cums.

She’s acting like he just injected her with a lethal poison; he’s grunting and the most excellent camera work is showing his cock pumping cum into her – and the cameraman/director got Brownie points from me for this. He finally pulls out and a “river” of cum flows out of her; the camera pans up to her face and… she’s smiling and grinning at him and like he was the greatest thing since fried rice.

And I thought, “Japanese porn is weird but interesting!” I’ve seen too many flicks that are along the same lines; the woman is either being gangbanged (with some sex toys I’d never seen or heard of before) or being subjected to bukkake – and, man, did those dudes make a mess of her or what – or is playing the reluctant victim role and, okay, they’re just weird about the way they portray having sex and it most definitely wasn’t like the real-life sex I’d had with a native Japanese woman and, hmm, if there was a “victim,” that would have been me as she handed my head to me in a way that at the time, had never been done before. And all that shyness you might see in their porn? Yeah, that wasn’t her at all but, then again, I’ve always thought that porn doesn’t just imitate life, it exaggerates it to make it more sensational.

Finally, I saw a flick starring a Japanese woman… and a Black guy with the usual and expected seriously big dick and I thought, “This should be interesting!” because while it’s not true that all Orientals have tiny dicks, any of the Japanese men I’d seen in various porn flick would have looked tiny compare to this brother. And… reluctant victim time. She went from having that “I’m about to get laid” look on her face to “I don’t want to do this!” and in a damned hurry.

Homey is stuffing his dick into her mouth and, clearly, she’s having a major problem sucking on him and she’s got two hands on his dick and can’t close her hands around it but I’m looking at her eyes and, as an actress of sorts, she’s really good because she really looks… scared and even more reluctant to be doing what she, herself, had asked for and started.

Homey goes down on her and I give him a C- for eating pussy but give her a B+ for the way she was trying to get away from him and the expected “we can’t be doing this” stuff and literally a few seconds later, he stops licking her and “tussles” with her to get her legs open wider and… he impales her on his dick and right down to the hilt and, of course, she’s reacting like she just got stabbed in the heart and…

Homey is doing a number on her and at one point, I could tell that she was really having second thoughts about doing this film with this guy and that just made her try to resist him even more realistic. The usual “every position in the book” stuff and I’m laughing because she’s saying, “No, no…” but climbing on his dick anyway and, well, this is entertaining if nothing else. But then it gets seriously real as homey’s got her in the doggy position again, pulls out and presses his knob against her asshole – and the protests gets turned up to 200 and the great camera work shows him slowly and carefully burying his bone in her backside and after he waits maybe a couple of seconds, he gets to wailing away in her ass.

More and greater protests… but she’s fucking back against him the whole time. He spends “a few moments” in her ass, pulls out, and slams his dick into her nice and deep and, the protests are still being uttered but it’s like she’s finally given into the inevitable and, moments later, the camera zooms in to show his long, thick dick pumping her full of cum and, wow, dude, he must’ve been “saving it up” or something because he’s pumping for quite a bit of time before he finally pulls out and when he does, when I say that a river of cum flowed out of her, I’m not exaggerating.

The camera pans up her body to her face and… that grin that I got used to seeing that says she got fucked and well fucked and all that reluctant victim shit was, indeed, just an act. It seemed to me to be a theme that probably really is a part of the Japanese culture or it’s just simply how they use porn to reflect the way sex is “supposed to be” given the very well-known thing about Japanese women being totally submissive (not the whole truth) and, yeah, reluctant to fulfill their “mandatory” role of allowing a man – or a bunch of men – have their way with her and she’d rather eat shit and die than to be ravaged and subjected to a man’s lust and…

Japanese porn is weird.

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Posted by on 8 August 2022 in Top Searches


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Todays Bisexual Thoughts: 31 July 22 – Supplemental

One day I was hanging out with a guy and we’d been playing “The Dozens” and ranking on each other in a good natured way.

At one point, he’d said something that left wind wide open for me to zing the daylights out of him so I zinged him and, yeah, I knew that o had gotten him really good when he said, “Aw, man, suck my dick!”

And in that moment, I heard a voice that sounded like mine say, “Okay.” The guy stopped laughing, looked at me, and asked, “Are you serious?” And I heard that same voice say to him, “I am if you were serious about me sucking your dick…”

And what the fuck? It was like an out of body experience and I had no idea why I’d said what I did and more so when that’s not where my head was… or so I thought. What the fuck made me say those things and to someone I had no idea would be agreeable?

I, um, I wound up sucking his dick and it was… glorious and, apparently, something I had really needed to do because it was so satisfying but I couldn’t figure out why I had a need that I hadn’t been aware of but, yeah, it made me say what I did.

It wasn’t like I wanted to blow him and it was t like I was horny but, I dunno, maybe I really was… or something in my head decided that what he’d said about sucking his dick sounded like a great idea. And to make it either better or worse – and depending on how you care to look at it – the second time was even better than the first time because he decided that sucking my dick would be a great idea but, later, told me that he didn’t know what had made him suck me… because he’d never even had a thought about doing that before.

To be truthful, I didn’t know, either. Yeah, yeah, he hadn’t known that I was down like that and, also truthfully, it hadn’t been my intention to let him know that I was but, again, something in my head had other ideas.

And the “scary” part? That wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. It didn’t always result in something happening and was quite often embarrassing but I racked my brain trying to figure out why I was doing it when I really wasn’t thinking about it… or was I and my conscious mind just wasn’t aware of it?

It wasn’t quite like those moments when I’d be sucking a guy and that same voice would suddenly say, “Stick it in me and fuck me…” I would come to understand that it was just me being in the moment – and whether I got fucked or not isn’t the point ( but most of the time, I got fucked and it was just what I needed).

But agreeing to suck a guy’s dick and knowing that he wasn’t really asking me to? There was no “moment” to be into that was sexual? He said it and it was like my mind decided, “Why not?” but forgot to inform me. In this occurrence, the guy was seriously taken aback and so was I! He’d asked me again if I was serious and, well, I suppose I was even if, again, I had no conscious intent.

Once I confirmed that I was – and that damned voice had said, “If I wasn’t serious, I wouldn’t have said it!” – he got his dick out and just looking at him told me that he didn’t believe I’d do it and that was fine because I didn’t believe I was about to do it and, um, I was glad that my brain “talked me” into doing it. His erection was so easy to suck and to take deep over and over until I heard him start cussing and saying that he was going to cum.

And it was like I was a spectator to the whole thing. Shit, while I sucked him, I had asked myself why was I sucking him when, again, I wasn’t even thinking about it and surely wasn’t thinking about him like that! But, okay, we’re doing this and I’ll figure it out later because, yes – he’s cumming…

I never did figure it out other than to get an idea of how… spooky our subconscious can be. That Freudian Slip kind of thing that’ll make you say something that you didn’t mean to say… and didn’t know that you were going to say it, and you’re shocked that you did.

Like how I got laid one time because I was talking to a woman bout a computer problem she was having and I was thinking to tell her to give me a second while I check something but what I said was, “Give me some sex…” and, oh, shit – that’s not what I meant to say! And she laughed and said, “Well, I’m game if you are but after you fix things!”

And finding out later that she didn’t know why she said what she did and that just made me wonder about this even more. Not all instances of this ”slip of the tongue” went well but, again, that wasn’t the point – it was that my tongue would slip on its own accord and there was only one culprit: My subconscious.

Or the asshole that lives in my head. Which is really me but that part of me that I have no direct access to like how I can recall a memory, for example. What made me say that? I didn’t know because it came from a part of my mind I can’t access… but is prone to doing shit anyway.

Sigh. This got into my head and I had to get it out. That day, man, I had so much fun sucking him off twice even if/when it was never my intention to do so… but apparently, it really was and I hadn’t gotten the memo or email about it…

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Posted by on 31 July 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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