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Currently, there’s a thread in one of the groups I’m in regarding threesomes and it’s been an interesting conversation. Menage a trois, as it’s known in French, is something a lot of men dream of and don’t get a chance to experience and it’s not all that difficult to figure out why. A lot of women don’t want to even talk about doing this – and, again, it’s not hard to figure out why. The conversation was more along the lines of how something that’s supposed to be fun can go wrong – and one of the reasons why people don’t do it is because they can think of reasons why it can and will go wrong – but in the life, it seems as if it’s unusual if it does… and I don’t know why they’d think that and, indeed, it’s the reason why couples prefer to throw down with another couple – it evens out the odds (and even that can go wrong) as it were.
So, there’s MFM and FMF and there are those who say that the order of the lettering makes a difference in what’s going on in bed but these two “symbols” is what people normally think of in this. Oh, and how it makes a difference depends on what letter is in the middle, which signifies the focus of attention and can also say a little something about the sexuality of the people involved – but more on that later.
God, there are so many things that can go wrong with this and a lot of it depends on where everyone’s head is and the level of interaction taking place. Ideally, everyone gets involved seamlessly and no one gets left out, gets disappointed or anything like that… yet, that’s exactly what can happen.
One can argue whether or not the sexuality of the people involved makes a difference. Is an MFM threesome “better” if both men are bisexual? Likewise, is an FMF better if both women are bi? See, some of the issues crop up when someone wants to do something… and they can’t do it when they want to or even when it’s happening the way the expect it to. Sexuality aside, one of the problems I’ve seen is focus: the ability or inability to focus on more than one thing at a time. Then there’s the “misconception” that if a threesome is happening, well, we’re supposed to be doing this together… when it really comes down to really taking turns at some point, doesn’t it?
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FMF threesomes look good in porno flicks… but ain’t the easiest thing in the world to do and unless you’ve got pornstar-like stamina, well, you can see the inherent problem in this. Toss in some straight people into this and, well, how well is any of this going to go?
Okay, trying to do something equally between three people does have inherent problems… then toss in how people behave during sex and, oops, there might be some heated conversation afterward. I know a woman who’s husband begged her for an FMF threesome and I know that his head was squarely into all the pussy he could mess with and his focus was on the other woman more than his own. It went horribly wrong in that his woman decided to give in to her bi-side and he wound up being a spectator because the two women were having all the fun. The end result is that he got pissed and broke his woman’s jaw and all because the situation didn’t go the way he wanted or expected it to.
I know of a couple who did an MFM and the husband got ticked off because his wife was having a field day with the other guy and they pretty much forgot he was there. The end result is that this caused the couple to get divorced. Yeah, it’s all supposed to be fun… but whose idea of fun are we talking about here?
I know that swingers, as a matter of course, put in a lot of rules that could spark some wrongness to occur. It seems to me that if you’re paying more attention to what you’re not supposed to be doing, uh, are you paying attention to what you’re supposed to be doing? It’s all supposed to just happen “naturally…” but more often than not, that winds up not being the case; indeed, some threesomes are kinda “scripted” as to who can do what and when and all that rot.
Like I said, there are so many things that can go wrong that a lot of people don’t want to be bothered with having a threesome, beginning with that sense of propriety (or ‘ownership’) we have for our partner and not wanting to share. Indeed, sharing like this is prohibited by the vows of marriage – it’s just not to be done for any reason. So, being willing and able to participate in a threesome of any kind is another form of “negotiated infidelity.”
But I think it’s still a matter of where everyone’s head is when the clothes comes off and the sex begins. Yeah, it’s supposed to be about everyone but there are times when that doesn’t happen; classically, instead of the men in an MFM taking turns having fun with girlfriend, one guy is having more fun with her and not giving the other guy a chance to participate (happens in FMF’s as well). In the classic failure, well, if you’re in a groove with her, are you even thinking about the fact there’s another guy wanting to get into a groove as well? Or he’s doing something to her that is taking her attention away from what you’re doing? In this, I’m thinking that even though it’s a threesome, some guys tend to behave as if it’s one-on-one sex which can exclude the other guy, even if it’s unintentional. Like I said about this, someone will wind up waiting for their turn and, for some, that’s not a good thing in their head.
If it’s all about sharing, well, it then boils down to a matter of equality in a situation that, normally, ain’t gonna happen – it’s simply a numbers game. Sexuality plays a role in this and, ideally, if you have bisexuals involved, well, that should take care of the problem of involvement, huh? Even in this, it depends on where everyone’s head is. Since a lot of bisexuals tend to be more heterosexual than bisexual, it’s a matter of where their focus is, isn’t it? If you’re trying to lay pipe to the woman, uh, do you really want to be bothered with the other guy trying to do something to you? And, if that’s not an issue, can you focus on more than one thing at a time? Um, most people can’t; sex, in and of itself, has a lot of shit going on, too many things to try to keep track of.
For instance, I know women who don’t like being in a 69 and simply because they can’t focus on all that sensory input going on at almost the same time. Yep, it starts to get so good that you actually stop what you’re doing so you can focus on the pleasure you’re receiving. Okay, this is kinda like human nature, sort of… but in a threesome, it can be a recipe for disaster. And, really, if you want to see how this can be, watch a porno flick of a MFM or FMF threesome and just watch the actors (without getting caught up in the sex they’re having). It looks all cool and good because it’s scripted to be like that… but you can easily see how, when, and where someone gets left out from time to time or how someone’s focus fails under the sensory assault. Hell, you can even see where, in an MFM, the girl is having some “issues” about having two dudes getting ready to do a number on her, like the guys having to move her around to whatever positions they want her in – and her body being a little hesitant to get there.
If you can see this while watching porn, then you can imagine how the exact same things can make “normal” threesomes go absolutely, positively wrong. Now, please, don’t get me wrong: I know that threesomes can go without a hitch; I’m just expounding on the comment the member made about it going wrong. The thought is that is’t not supposed to go wrong, which doesn’t change the fact that it can go wrong. It’s seen as sharing the responsibility for each other’s pleasures which, of course, depends on someone’s idea of pleasure. Some guys do get a rush out of watching the missus engaged with someone else and he’s happy to be a spectator – and with the knowledge that when he gets to her, oh, boy, is she gonna get it good!
In an FMF, um, I’m not actually sure if women get this same sort of rush; if they do, I’ve never heard anyone speak on it… then again, a lot of it depends on whether the women are bisexual and a few other things. I know guys who slobber all over themselves at the thought of an FMF and I kinda laugh at them because I know it’s not as easy as they might think it is. It becomes a matter of being able to satisfy both women… when they want and need to be satisfied and, um, er, some women can be just as impatient about this as men can be.
It does take a certain mindset to do this and be able to do it “right” so that no one goes away unhappy. But, as one responding member said, maybe people just don’t know how to have fun and give/receive pleasure in this configuration. In the lifestyle, it’s easier to have a foursome than it is a threesome and, just in my opinion, if it’s a free-for-all – that’s where everyone involved is fair game – so much the better. Having a free-for-all in a threesome is possible and can work as well… but then you get all into the sexuality of the participants, what they will do and/or won’t do, stuff like that.
In a foursome, the roles are clearly defined and can be fun even if sexuality lines aren’t crossed… but in a threesome, what are the roles? It’s a two-on-one at some point, changes to one-on-one unless girlfriend is really talented and can take two men being in her at the same time. Otherwise, if you want to bust that nut in her, um, you gotta wait and some guys ain’t feeling that, are they? I think threesomes can put pressure on people to perform; in the MFM, it’s the woman who might feel the pressure and in the FMF, it’s the man.
Attitude can screw this up; sexuality can screw this up; shit, just the way people behave during sex can screw it up. Now, maybe the person who asked the question does know how it can get screwed up, which makes me wonder why he asked in the first place and, indeed, the way he formed the question suggests that a threesome isn’t supposed to ever go wrong because, wow, it’s just about having fun, right?
Still depends on whose idea of fun you’re talking about and the length that three people are willing to do in order to please and be pleased…