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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When In Rome…?

This is the first blog I’ve actually written on my computer in a while; it’s almost on its last legs and I need to replace it but it’s not easy when you’re on a fixed income.  So, I got it working better, using a lot of tricks learned in my years working with these things, and I had an idea for something I wanted to write about but as my Desktop came up, I saw some Top Searches items and, instead of frowning, I kinda welcomed them with open fingers.

Kinda.

What got my attention was, “blogs of bi guys first time swallowing semen” and I immediately thought, “Well, unless a bunch of guys decided to write about their first time doing that, um, this search might come up pretty empty… because you only have one first time doing something.”  I let my mind work on the subject and I know when you’re negotiating with a guy for sex and it’s been established that you both suck cock, the next question usually is, “Do you swallow?”  Now, I’m not gonna say that if you don’t it’ll be a deal breaker but sometimes it is, the thought being if you’re gonna give a guy some head – and, let’s say there will be no fucking happening – then if you’re not gonna swallow his load, what’s the point?  Those of you who do swallow know exactly why you might not want to partake of that protein shake – I know why I wouldn’t want to – but it begs the question of whether guys looking to get their dick sucked just automatically assume that some swallowing is gonna jump off?  Maybe they do and there’s plenty of precedence for this, beginning with the very first time a man gulped down another man’s seed and said in the language of the time, “Hey, that wasn’t all that bad!”

As usual, this ain’t a “how-to” kinda thing nor am I gonna get into a biochemical analysis about it but I had to say something because the Top Searches never fails to amuse me or give me food for thought.  On to what I originally wanted to write about…

You’re hanging with the fellas, knocking back some brewskis, chilling, shooting the bull… but things are starting to get a little boring.  One of the fellas has managed to get his BAC way over the legal limit to drive and announces to the room, “Man, I could go for having my dick sucked right about now!” – then pulls out his cock and starts slowly stroking it and, for the sake of this hypothetical scenario, your horny bud is sitting next to you on the sofa, okay?  While you’re trying to process the fact that homey pulled his dick out, one of the other fellas comes overs, drops to his knees, and starts blowing the guy next to you after mumbling, “Hey, why not?”

Now, do you take in this scene, freak out and go from totally buzzed to stone cold sober – and then beat feet outta there… or do you pull your dick out and see who wants to suck your dick?  Or, for extra points, do you stay zipped up and just sit there and watch… and how long would you remain a spectator?

There are probably guys reading this and thinking they’d haul ass… but would you be surprised to know that if there were six guys hanging out, only one of them would get in the wind?  You might even think that this scenario really doesn’t happen… but you can believe me when I tell you that it does and if you’ve been following me for a while, you already know how I know.  Today, they might call this the “bro job” but in my experiences, eh, this is what can happen when you get a bunch of guys in one place, they’re getting juiced or smoked up, and they’re bored and/or looking for something to do. I’ve seen guys reveal a side of themselves that no one knew about; I’ve seen guys who, normally, wouldn’t think about letting a dude suck their dick literally shrug and, once, even say, “When in Rome…” and I’ve sat quite a few times in stunned silence to once more see dudes who I thought had zero interest in dicks get to sucking dick like they’re old pros at it… and, yeah, some of them were not having their first experience making a hard dick soft again.

I remember one occurrence of this phenomenon jumping off and I was stunned silent as guys I believe to be pussy-only pulled out their dicks and a blowjob orgy got going and I had thought, “What the hell just happened?”  As I pondered this, a guy I knew for a fact wasn’t into dick – and because I had probed him a few times to see if he was down – came over to me, shrugged and said, “Yo, we might as well join the party, huh?”  The “event” lasted for quite some time, too; everybody got sucked and did some sucking no less that three times and of the eight men present (including myself), only two of us had prior experience sucking dick… but you couldn’t tell by the way those other six dudes were eating sausage and, yes, drinking down spunk like it was ambrosia, including the one dude who said he didn’t want to swallow any – but he succumbed to peer pressure after it was suggested that he was a punk-assed chicken to not do what everyone else was doing.

The alcohol and weed might have gotten that party started… but I’d say the effects had worn off early on in the proceedings and sobriety didn’t call an end to the near-constant rise and fall of cocks.  When everyone was totally spent and could no longer get it up, we all kinda sat around looking at each other a mixture of guilty and goofy looks and, as expected, one guy announced to one and all, “Yo, this never happened, right?” – then took a much-needed nap after we all agreed that we didn’t know what he was talking about.

I’ve sometimes seen this happen, no one leaves and stays to watch the show; on one such occasion, one dude sucked every cock in the room, including some of the guys who had said when the show got started, “I ain’t into that shit!” – but when it was their turn to get blown, uh, I guess they changed their mind rather quickly.  I had to give it to the guy; as much as I love sucking dick, even I wouldn’t have taken on the task to suck the other nine cocks in the room… but this guy did and, um, whew, he was pretty damned good and swallowed down every load given to him.

One guy, fresh from busting that nut, turned to me and asked, “What the fuck just happened?  I ain’t even into this shit!”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “But it was good, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he replied – then added, “You ain’t gonna say anything about this, are you?”

“Say anything about what?” I asked with feigned innocence.

“Right…”

Even though I’ve seen this happen more than I care to think about, it has always manage to surprise me to be in a room with a bunch of guys who, without question, loves pussy and women… and see them some time later either getting blown by a guy or doing some cock sucking himself – and I’m not even gonna get into those moments when dudes were getting fucked in the ass – and guys who professed to be very afraid of doctors and latex gloves.  It’s not exactly like mass hypnosis and I know there’s a term for this – I just can’t think of it right now – but it’s just weird to see guys not really interested in dick become very interested because they’re high, bored, and horny.  I’ve gotten to see peer pressure at work; there’s always that one guy who says, “I ain’t doing that shit!” – and winds up doing it after having his case jumped into and, uh-huh, being accused of not having the balls to get busy with the rest.  I would wonder, “Would a dude really suck dick just to save face?” and the answer is, “Yeah… because image is everything.”

And if you’re wondering, yes:  Guys who refused to be a Roman got talked about in some very unkind ways.  I didn’t blame them for sticking to their principles and have told them that…but some of them did say, “Man, I wanted to… but I just couldn’t!”

After yet another instance, I was talking to one of the participants while we were both taking a break and he had said, “Man, this shit is contagious, ain’t it?”  And I had to agree that it was and even more so since I wasn’t even thinking about playing with dick when the shit jumped off.  Once, a guy pointed this out to me:  “Have you noticed that every time this shit jumps off, it’s always the same two or three guys that get it going?”

And I admitted that I hadn’t noticed that but after a moment of thinking, yeah, he was right on the money about that and, oh, yeah, if you were wondering, no – I never started the party and, honestly, I was always amazed at how I always seemed to manage being in the right place at the right time when this “group horny” thing came up.  Now, it didn’t always happen when a bunch of us got together but while I didn’t know about the other dudes in the room, I could certainly feel the sexual tension flowing and I’m guessing that the only reason cocks didn’t get yanked out was that no one really wanted to be the one to start something because, again, image is everything and it’s difficult to be publicly outspoken against dudes sucking dudes… but secretly want to play with another dude’s cock.

I’ve been one-on-one with these guys, just hanging out, and I’ve had them bring up – and out of the blue – the last time things got “out of hand” and, um, what do you know?  They weren’t interested in a group kind of thing but, er, ah, if dicks got whipped out and sucked now – because there’s no one else around, well, uh, I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?  Once, I asked, “What makes you think I’m even down with that?”

The guy said, “I ain’t down with it either… but it’s something to do, ya know?”

I’ve even pushed back by saying, “You first…,” – and I wound up getting the black sucked off my dick temporarily – not bad for someone who just told me minutes ago that they weren’t down with it.  And I have to point out that not only were these guys not closeted homosexuals, most of them weren’t even closeted bisexuals.  Nope, they got horny, their dicks started getting hard… and it just made sense to take advantage of what was on hand.  I’ve seen (and participated) in circle jerks, daisy chains of cock sucking, as well as some butt-fucking and while I never complained, I always found myself asking, “What the fuck just happened?”

I eventually learned to just chalk it up to “boys being boys when they get really bored and really horny;” again, there’s a scientific term for this but I still can’t think of what it is despite being on my second cup of coffee – I might remember it later.

 
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Posted by on 20 April 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: It’s Still Hanging Around! – A Top Searches Rant

I had just finished putting an aborted blog in the trash – it made more sense in my head than it did when I started writing it – and when I returned to my Dashboard, my old friend (or nemesis) intercrural sex was sitting there waiting for me and in the form of, “best way to perform intercrural sex” and I thought, “Is this for real?” – but then I thought that maybe whoever initiated the search really doesn’t know, although I also wondered why they just didn’t Google it, just as I did a moment ago to find out what the female version of this is called and because, um, I kinda forgot it… sorta.  By the way, if you didn’t know what the girl version is called, it’s tribadism (or tribbing, per the Urban Dictionary), which is taken from the Greek word “tribein” (to rub)  or frottage.

Anyway…

Those of you who have followed this particular rant already know the answer to this but for two guys to have intercrural sex, it’s usually done by one guy sticking his boner either between another man’s thighs or in his butt crack but without any attempts to penetrate him.  It can be done in the “missionary” position; it can be done with either guy on the top or bottom; from the back while lying on their sides and face-to-face while on their sides.  I’m sure that someone has found a more, ah, creative way for two guys to do this and I have heard of guys doing this standing up – but these are what I believe to be the more common ways to do this… and the best way is usually whatever way works for you and delivers the desired results.  I would, in either way, suggest that a lubricant be used to avoid friction burns, especially if it’s being done between a guy’s thighs – that shit doesn’t feel good either way (and you know that I know this, right?).

For those who might be wondering why this would even be done, it’s when “Gene” wants to get his rocks off with “Glen” but one (or both) men don’t want any anal penetration to take place.  It’s like dry humping without the dryness, if you will and, generally, ain’t done while fully clothed unless, of course, one is fond up messing up their clothes… and I’ve heard that some guys don’t mind the messy garments as long as they can grind their crotch against another man’s crotch… but that’s something else.

I can remember a whole lot of times when the action has gotten hot and heavy with a guy and we’ve been sucking each other as if our lives depended on it but, damn, while it feels good, it doesn’t feel good enough to make us cum and while we could masturbate each other to a messy finish, um, doing some  fucking would fit the bill perfectly, well, until the other guy says that he wants to fuck… but don’t stick it in (or even try to stick it in) and, yep, I’ve sometimes been the guy who doesn’t want to be bothered with having a hard dick sticking out of my ass… but there is an alternative: It’s Intercrural Time!

My “best” ways for doing it is me on top, him on his belly and getting in between his thighs or, better, in his crack – or spooning while doing it.  When having it done to me, I find I prefer the ways that I’d do it – me on my belly or being spooned.  One guy I talked to about this years ago had asked why do it this way if there’s no penetration involved… and it’s not simple to explain.  Being penetrated (or doing the penetration) makes sense… if it can be accomplished and that’s not always as simple as porn displays – lots of reason why ya just can’t get it in.  Still, it’s the “going through the motions” that makes it feel good; if you’re the one playing in the spaces, you’re “fucking,” in close contact with the other guy and it just feels good; when you’re being done, feeling the other guy’s body against you or his weight on you and feeling his cock moving around in whatever space is being occupied, equally feels good.

I don’t know about other guys who have done this but I’ve noticed that in the times I’ve done it or have been done, I’ve gone from not wanting to stick it in (or having it stuck in me) to the other guy (or myself) saying, “Fuck this shit – put that motherfucker in me!”  But, as I’ve said, that’s sometimes easier said than done… but I’ve found that I best enjoy intercrural sex when my dick is pressing up against the other guy’s hole and his is probing mine.  Yeah, sometimes, it can be this way and the copious amounts of seminal fluid – aka precum – can make things slick enough that the head can begin to slip in a little – and that’s acceptable as long as there’s no attempt to insert more dick without the appropriate permission.

So when penetration isn’t desire or doable, intercrural is the thing to do and the best way is, again, whatever way works for you so you – and, hopefully, your partner – can bust a heavenly nut.  Additionally – and I know it’s probably just my preference – but I like it when the thrusting is done urgently but gently – remember the friction burns I mentioned?  I’ve had guys try to pound me in this fashion and it just doesn’t feel good to me and, gulp, the lack of adequate lubrication has done a number on me in places I’d rather not have friction burns and, hell, no – having my cock friction burned sure as shit ain’t my idea of fun.  You need a lubricant that will negate the friction, like baby oil even though if you’re fucking against the guy’s hole, yeah, ya just might get it in him easily enough but then it’s a matter of body control if getting it in is out of the question for either guy.

 
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Posted by on 21 November 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: I Need a Diversion, So… It’s Top Searches Time Again!

I’m in the middle of diagnosing Linda’s computer, which was updated to Windows 10 this morning… and now a key file is stuck in a loop and I’m trying to fix it before I have to resort to calling Microsoft Support for some help.  The fucked up thing – or things, really – is that I don’t know shit about Windows 10; I never bothered to do any reading on it at all and then I find out today that my trusty laptop, which has served me well for years now, can’t run the free Windows 10 update because of its processor and video card so if I wanna be up to date with Windows, I need to buy a new laptop… which I can’t afford to do.  Anyway, I’m checking for corrupted system files and while that’s going on, I need a diversion so I won’t stress myself out with this problem and I found this in my Top Searches thingy:  “How to intercrural for gay.”

 
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Posted by on 31 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Oh, This is A Good One…!

After banging out “Seeing Red,” I was about to close out Chrome after invading my baby’s personal space with a very nice hug (she’s so cuddly) when I saw this Top Searches thing:  “What do women think about a bisexuals sissy man.”

Yeah… what do women think about this kind of guy?  If you were on Tumblr and, like maybe a lot of folks there, are being bombarded by sex and sexuality every time you visit Tumblr, then you might see, as I’ve been seeing, a lot of pro-sissy posts and a lot of them are “about” women who’d just love to literally and figuratively make a man (or their man) her bitch, from cuckolding him (and maybe D/s-ing him into bisexuality) up to and including dressing him up as a girl and even aiding in his partial transformation into a woman by insisting that he gets a nice rack of boobs installed, locking his dick in a cage, and teasing him with the pussy.

Apparently, there’s a faction on Tumblr who want us to believe that there are a lot of women who’d be down with a sissified man to play with while a “real man” takes over the job of knocking her pussy out of shape and into the next zip code (and if that real man happens to be a Black dude with a stupidly big dick, so much the better).  Now, I honestly can’t say that there aren’t women who just live to sissify a man because I’ve met a couple of them in my travels; I can’t even say that a woman wouldn’t have a reason to sissify a man, given what some men have a tendency to subject women to so, yeah, they could easily think, “Wouldn’t it be nice if “Ralph” were to find out what it’s like to be a woman?”

If you were to see some of the shit I see on Tumblr about sissies – and I’ve said a little about this before – holy shit!  I mean, there’s a credo or manifesto for being a sissy; someone – or a bunch of someones – have taken the time to explain in exacting detail what it means to be a sissy and all the duties that are mandatory to be a sissy which, again, includes becoming transsexual if you wanna be a real, dyed-in-the-wool, authentic, genuine sissy boy.  Now – oh, my lawd – this… mantra or whatever doesn’t seem to be all about effeminate gay men; I don’t know about anyone else but I don’t get the sense that this is what being a sissy in 2015 means although, when I was growing up, a sissy was a guy who was made to behave like a gal (and even dressed up like a girl)  – but he was usually gay, or made to be gay, or even on his way to being gay to begin with.  Nah… this seems to be about a woman taking a masculine man and literally turning him into her bitch…

And there are, in fact, men who want to be a sissy for his woman (or any woman) and then they’re ready, willing, and able to assume their “rightful” role as a woman’s woman and a plaything for that woman’s lovers.  I know what I think about this – imagine me sitting here with my mouth hanging open like a Venus flytrap… but what do women think about this?  For the record, if a man want to be a sissy, well, go for it, homey but, ah, no, uh-uh, I’m not going there ever even if I am bisexual and, in fact, knows what it’s like to be “the girl” in a sexual situation – and I’m still very damned masculine despite all I’ve done to date with men and women.

Any of you ladies reading this care to offer up some thoughts on this?  Does it sound like your idea of fun?  Does it make you want to have your last meal pay you an unexpected visit?  Shit, while I’m at it, do any of the fellas reading this have any thoughts about being a sissy – do you love your woman enough to allow her to literally and figuratively make you her bitch – and would you be ready to find out some shit that she already knows about men that, um, you previously never wanted to know?  And, yeah, if you need some “reference materials,” go check out Tumblr and do a search for sissies so you can (a) see this for yourself and (b) know that I’m seriously not pulling your legs on this one.

C’mon… holla at your boy… it’ll be fun, trust me!

 
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Posted by on 20 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Good “Top Searches” Question

Those of you who have been reading/following me for a while have seen me write about intercrural sex before thanks to that Top Searches thing that’s probably on everyone’s Dashboard.  I finished perusing my email, maximized my Chrome browser so I could refresh the page containing my Dashboard, and then when that was done, I saw this:  “do women like intercrural.”

Good question, huh?  And I invite the ladies to chime in on this one because, honestly, I’m not sure that I could answer the question (not that the searcher asked me, right?)  I know it can be done and the only times I can remember when a woman – and I’ll use this word kinda generically for a moment – preferred intercrural sex was way back in the day when “the gang” was going nuts having sex.  We thought it was kinda weird because the girls who liked having sex with us went from loving to feel us inside them to telling us, “No!  You can’t stick it in me!” and it didn’t take much to figure out that they were now very much afraid that those of us who were shooting that baby-making stuff were gonna get them in trouble, a 1960s euphemism for getting them pregnant.

It was understandable since this was also the period of time where if a young lady got pregnant out-of-wedlock, they’d “disappear,” sent off to God only knows where because a family felt it was better to “get rid of” the shameless hussy who got herself knocked up than to have this reminder of their own shame still living with them with her belly swelling – and this was the same period of time when a lot of older people really believed that you could get pregnant sitting on a toilet seat after a man had sat there.  So, yeah, while it was disappointing that some of the girls didn’t want us shooting our stuff into them, they were okay with us just sticking it between their legs and making a creamy mess of their thighs.

There were also a couple of girls who were adamant about preserving their virginity until they got married… but the loved the “sinful” idea of a guy humping them, messy or otherwise, so they’d lie down, legs crossed and closed as tightly as their muscles would allow and say, “Okay, come on and do it to me – but don’t even think about sticking it in me!”  There were even a few girls who were smart enough to figure out that she let a guy stick his dick in her ass, well, she wasn’t going to get in trouble and her pussy would remain virgin, putting a different spin on telling a guy, “Make sure you get it in the right hole!”

When you add in the fact that this was also still in that period of time when parents were going out of their way to make sure their daughters were still virgin; if they even suspected that she’d been fucking, they’d haul her off to the doctor (or they’d make a house  call – yeah, those were the days) and if her hymen wasn’t intact, well, it had better been for non-sexual reasons; quite a few girls got beaten pretty badly, accused of having sex and getting their hymen broken when, in fact, the girl got it broken by climbing over a fence, riding her bike, something innocuous like that.

Either way, shit, we didn’t care – we were doing the nasty and shooting the stuff with a girl so it was all good… and you just knew better than to try to sneak your way into their pussies; not only could the majority of these girls fight as well as the guys, these girls had (a) evil fathers and/or (b) a lot of brothers way older than we were.  Besides, none of us were, ah, developed that much for us to be able to use a condom at the time (I couldn’t get one to stay on until I was 13) so even though some of us were swiping them from our dads (and figuring out what they were for on our own), at best, they made for some interesting balloons more than the contraceptive devices they were designed to be.

In more adult times and in my own experiences, I can’t honestly say that a woman would like intercrural; sure, there were some big-breasted women who didn’t mind being tit-fucked but I think it was more like there were men who want to literally fuck a woman everywhere she could be fucked:  Between her breasts, under her arms, under her breasts if she had really big tits, behind her knees, “classically” intercrural between her clenched thighs, or making a spermy mess of her ass crack.  Some women would allow it this kind of thing to happen if the guy asked; some would look at a requestor and turn him down for asking to fuck her in such a weird way; personally, I can only recall a mere few times when a woman wanted me to tit-fuck her and I’d do her bidding because, okay, whatever makes you happy, baby, and no, I’m not gonna say it was a bad thing to do.

But intercrural sex as a matter of course and preference?  Again, I can’t say that I ever met a woman who had such a liking/preference but I cannot discount that such women don’t exist because life and sex can often be stranger than we believe it to be.  I’ve heard of women who’ve been reported to get off in this fashion but, um, well, you can’t always believe everything you hear.

This was a good question… but one I’m afraid I don’t have a definitive answer for.

 
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Posted by on 18 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Um, Okay…

Top Searches has struck again!  I looked a moment ago and this “weird” thing got my attention:  “https://kdaddy23.wordpress.com/2014/12/02/todays-bisexual-thoughts-swallowing/” and because I think this is the first time I’ve seen an entire URL used as a search criteria.

First thought:  “What the fuck?  That’s weird-looking!”

Second thought:  “Wait… what did I write about swallowing?  Lemme go read it again…”

So I went and read it which, all by itself, isn’t unusual for me to do – I often go back and read something I wrote because believe it or not, sometimes I forget what I wrote or I’m just damned curious about what I was writing about.  Anyway, I read it, corrected a mistake I missed, and thought, “Um, okay… that was a weird way for someone to search for this particular thing.”

Sometimes, I get a kick out of critiquing my own blogs; some are like, “Oh, man, I don’t believe I wrote this like that!” and some are like, “Holy shit – I wrote that?”  Yep, seems that I can still surprise myself one way or the other…

I actually asked myself if I had any “new” thoughts about swallowing that nut… and I really don’t… but I did have to say something about this weird Top Searches thing I saw..

 
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Posted by on 12 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Yet Another Top Searches Find

Wow, Top Searches has been on a roll here of late and today’s offering is, “Conflicted bisexuals.”

First thought:  “No shit, Sherlock!”

Second thought:  “Aw, man, this is a very real bitch and her bitchy sister…”

That there are conflicted bisexuals isn’t all that shocking.  Discovering that you have the feelings – and the later you discover them, the more shocking they can be – can fuck someone’s mind up like scrambling an egg because everything you thought about yourself has now changed.  It’s conflicting enough to work at figuring out why you’re feeling this – or why you’re feeling this “all late and wrong” – but as I’ve allowed on probably too many occasions, trying to figure out what to do about this can create a mental clusterfuck of epic proportions within some folks.

What, when, why, where, and how are the questions that’ll upset the apple cart and answering them in their varying forms can overload your brain, induce headaches, cause sleeplessness, and a slew of other not-so-nice things up to and including depression when the answers aren’t forthcoming.  Societal issues, the way one looks at themselves, and reality get together to form one hell of a train wreck and because the reality of the situation ain’t even close to the social norm and one’s self-image, holy shit…

The really big question:  “How do I get this shit to stop fucking with me?”  Um…, let’s see, ah, okay, well, the answer to that question actually depends on one’s ability to do a few things that the shit storm of bisexuality discovery can drop on you.  It’s a very strong emotional response and you need to exchange the heat of your emotions to the coolness of logic and intellect – and that’s not easy to do either.  Y’all hear me preaching about acceptance and that’s as “simple” as telling yourself, “Okay, this is how I’m feeling…” and then, as methodically as possible, begin to answer the questions intelligently and not emotionally even though your emotions are going to be raising all kinds of hell.  Your emotions are going to demand immediate answers and resolutions and I can pretty much guarantee you that this will only add fuel to the fires of the conflict.  If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about the person you are (and why you’re that person), the conflict will become worse because working on resolving this conflict calls for quite a bit of introspection or self-evaluation.

In this, you can’t put the cart before the horse or, you can’t try to figure out a course of action if you don’t know what you’re trying to act on and I’ve actually had people tell me, “I don’t know what’s going on but I gotta do something!”  Well, there’s your problem, huh?  Y’all keep seeing me write the same thing over and over:  Think first… then act, if you must.  And I’ve learned that your emotions aren’t going to help you think – they’re part of the problem and not part of the solution so they’re like loud background noises that only serve to impair your ability to think clearly as well as the source of an argument that isn’t in favor of you making some changes to the status quo of your life so that you can effectively resolve the conflict – and there are some changes that must be enacted, trust me.

And those changes begin with your system of belief, something we all hold onto tightly and fiercely and with the thought that we can’t change that which we firmly believe in; as long as you believe this (ironic, ain’t it?), the conflict will continue unabated.  If you believe that you can’t be feeling the way you’re feeling, um, well, that’s kinda nuts since you are feeling this way; ditto if you believe that you shouldn’t be feeling this way.  You really have to suspend all of your beliefs and “put them on hold” pending modification and, again, not an easy task for most people, which doesn’t change the fact that it is necessary if you don’t want to wind up in therapy and taking certain medications.  If your first worry is, “What are people gonna think?” you’ve got it all wrong – that’s not the first thing you need to address at the moment of conflict – again, that’s putting one of the horses before the cart and not knowing what kind of cart you have.

Conflict resolution is never easy and it’s even less so when the conflict is kicking your own ass – but it happens because of the application of intellect more than emotion:  You have to think and then be ready to accept the answers and not do what a lot of people do:  Dismiss that which is obvious in favor of what they believe… but this situation is no longer about what you believe, is it?  The sooner you can accept this, the easier your task to resolve the conflict one way or the other will be.  You really and seriously cannot – and, perhaps, should not – worry so much about doing something about the way you’re now feeling; you need to deal with the conflict first and foremost or, once more, think first… then act if you must (or if you even can act at all).  When you can turn down the volume on your emotions or just put them on mute for a few, you might be able to think clearly enough to answer the questions of what, when, why, where, and how and the answers to these horribly important questions will determine how you’re gonna act… or if acting is even warranted depending on your situation.

One other important thing:  Don’t let your pride stop you from asking someone to help you resolve this.  Some of us can handle this without outside assistance but many people require some assistance and, hopefully, in the form of someone who’s bisexual and, as such, understands how this train wreck can be cleared up and the road cleared so you can get on with things.  Don’t let your ego convince you that you can’t possibly be feeling what you’re feeling – and if you think this sounds silly, then you get the point I’m trying to make here.  Now, you could “run and hide” from this but I’ve seen folks do this only to have the conflict return with a vengeance at some point and since you’re really trying to run and hide from yourself, well, that kinda never works as well as we may think it should.

This is a long-assed writing and it occurred to me that if I were to write down exactly what I did to resolve the conflict when it eventually body-slammed me, I could very well wind up with severe cramps in my fingers because my resolution process was horribly complex.  The short and more understandable version of how I resolved it is that I used my intellect to figure things out more than I listened to my emotions; I literally asked myself, “Are you as smart as you think you are and if you are, can you resolve this?”

Yes, I can… and I did… but not without going through some “significant” changes and some of them didn’t feel good or “right” in that sense but if I needed to stop making myself nuts over this – and I very much wanted to not be a nut case – now it’s all about biting a few bullets, crossing my fingers, and making the changes and hoping like hell I didn’t fuck anything up in the process that couldn’t be fixed.  It wasn’t easy… but I resolved the conflict… and I made the “mistake” of putting a whole team of Clydesdales before the cart – I acted, then thought (not really recommended) but, okay, my intellect (and quite a bit of luck) helped me learn things from my actions, changed the way I was behaving, and helped me put down the conflict.

And if you’re conflicted in this, you really have to believe that you can and will resolve this because if you believe that you can’t, then you’ve already failed, I’m sorry to say.  If you believe that no resolution is possible, you’re dead wrong because there is one – you just have to believe in yourself enough to get to it; if you believe there is absolutely, positively nothing you can do about this, you’re wrong because being bisexual isn’t just about doing – read this as getting romantically or sexually entangled and the thing you have to do first and foremost is get your head around the “obvious” fact that you believe yourself to be bisexual – then you can worry about what can be done and all that other good shit and, yeah, sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing at all other than being at peace with yourself about being bisexual.

I wish I could explain this better…

 
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Posted by on 10 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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