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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: If, If, If

Yeah… a lot of ifs where male bisexuality is concerned as well as bisexuality as a whole. If people would just understand; if society wasn’t so adamant that the religious prohibitions were 100% right; if the rules of relationships could be restructured to allow bisexuals to be more active without losing everything in the process; if men and women could understand that our bisexuality gives us a special kind of commonality that allows us to understand each other better. If bisexuals didn’t have to hide and be subjected to all kinds of hurtful shit.

If, if, if. So many of them and to the extent that I can’t even think of all of them. Living in a time where the fight for acknowledgment and acceptance is making some progress given the number of bisexuals who are better able to accept that their bisexuality is, indeed, normal and part of what it means to be human so that they can feel better about themselves but the push against bisexuality and bisexuals remains fairly strong; if only this situation would just go away so we can stop kicking each other’s asses.

I’d say that one of the “good things” about some of these ifs is that a lot of bisexuals are taking a stand and defending their right to be bisexual via the right to self-determination and many aren’t of a mind to wait for the world to change and as someone said to me – and to paraphrase it a bit – if only every generation could pass along this knowledge and understand so that the next generation isn’t facing bisexuality and as if this is something new. I got this piece of knowledge and it clicked in my head and explained why a lot of the fussing and fighting going on today is all too similar to the fussing and fighting I observed over homosexuals back in the day.

If only we could learn from history so we could stop repeating it. If only we could understand and accept that the only differences that really exist in any of this is who we can be intimate and more involved with; otherwise, we do the same things that everyone else does on a daily basis. To that end, if only we could just stop being so… immature about sex. If only we’d learn to not be so divisive and tribal and hateful and/or fearful of each other because we don’t engage in sex and other intimacies in a single-source way.

If only all of this didn’t fall into the realm of wishful thinking.

I got to thinking about a guy I’d had sex with a long time ago now and how… sad and dismayed he was to have to go into hiding to express himself fully. He was one way during our negotiations; tentative, somewhat timid (for lack of a better word) and hesitant; once (I guess) he realized that I was genuine (not a fake), he opened up a lot more and once we met, he was bubbly, excited and it showed as we blew each other’s brains out but afterward? He was down in the dumps and being in the refractionary period wasn’t the reason why; he was so different as he spoke to a lot of the ifs I mentioned here and including if his lady could only understand that his bisexuality wasn’t different from her bisexuality, a bit of information I found interesting… but, yeah, I knew what he was talking about because, at that time, a lot of women were fiercely defending their right to be with other women… but the same thing was being denied to the men those women were in a relationship with.

This ate at him so bad that he was making me feel pretty sullen and crappy that the only way I could get him to stop talking about this was to put my dick back in his mouth; needless to say – but I’m gonna say it anyway – we both felt better then and afterward.

If only some women would and could understand that if they have this right (and they do), men have that same right as well. Along these lines, I recalled an “argument” I had with a lesbian who felt the need to get in my case over me liking something she said on Tumblr and being all vicious about it… but when I responded, she didn’t have anything to say since my response to her curse-laden rant was, “Do you not understand that men like women and pussy just like you do? We know it like you know it.”

If only we could accept this as the given and point of commonality that it really is. Yeah, I did understand why she got all pissy over me agreeing with what she was saying and more so when what she said about pussy was on point with my own thoughts about it but, yep, because she was lesbian and I was a guy agreeing with her, she got all territorial about it and, I thought, not seeing the commonality that existed that, at least in my mind, erased the line that quite a few gays draw in the sexuality sand.

She did, days later and to my surprise, apologize for her rather vicious rant and I accepted it but with the thought that if this commonality was accepted, such rants would never take place. And, then…

If we could stop fussing, fighting, slicing, dicing and being insular with each other as well as disagreeing on what bisexuality really is, things between us would be a lot better. I remember the “discussion” I had with a fellow bisexual about gender being the main thrust of bisexuality and I was unpleasantly amazed that once I got them to read the definition of gender, they did a, “Yeah, but…” on me and insisted that gender is the defining point of bisexuality.

If only we could stop making up shit just to cater to our individual sensibilities. I see so much… shit that keeps coming into our verbal lexicon that, when you tear into it and strip it down to the bare bones, um, it’s bisexuality. Both sexes. Gender not a real issue in this given that it’s a social construct. I understand why there’s some fussing over what that construct says about gender and the roles that were defined way back in the day but that’s one thing; sexuality is something else and more so when, if those doing all the fussing were to look at history and see that people were of differing sexualities before the gender rules were created.

I get it, though and more so when I, again, read the comment about every generation going about this as if it was something new… and that’s some seriously real shit because in every iteration, we wind up “reinventing the wheel” as it were and in ways that makes OGs like me wonder what the hell are they talking about. Yeah, I kinda/sorta “missed” this but the thing I did know is that in every generation -and despite all the in-fighting – being bisexual becomes less of a “thing.” Like, my generation, by and large, thought bisexuality was a joke and if they didn’t, it was no different from being gay but the following generation was asking, “What’s the big deal?” and the generation following that was more amenable to bisexuality… but in every iteration, there was some bullshit that had to be dealt with just the same.

If only we could get it through our thick skulls that bisexuality and homosexuality aren’t the same things. If only that part of our society could see and understand how… silly they look to not see the differences and how hidebound they are to keep repeating dogmatic stuff that, um, really isn’t all that true because if it was, we probably wouldn’t be arguing about it, let alone making ourselves look pretty bad and as if we really don’t know anything about human sexuality and its associated behaviors.

I often find it amazing that we, as a species, have done some great works and have made incredible advances in a great many things… except this. Being better about this is advancing albeit at the speed glaciers tend to advance but even I’m better understanding the why of this… lack of progress since, again, every generation thinks that bisexuality is something new and it does seem to take x-amount of time before some bisexuals get to understand that it isn’t and never really was since, um, OGs like me exist and they existed when all of this was new and exciting for me. Yep, it’s circular and a bit of a vicious cycle where the resistance is concerned and it keeps repeating even though it’s slowly cycling to an end…

And if only we could end this cycle, you know, like next Wednesday – that would be nice. But it all reminds me of something I heard in a Star Trek movie and said by Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott: “If my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a wagon…”

Yep, that pretty much covers all these ifs. I thought, “You know, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that there were those in the generations before me who were saying the same things about bisexuality being real…” which led to the if I wrote about learning from history and our repeated failure to do so as a whole. It stands to reason that if I’m seeing this, it was seen before, too. The difference – or, really, a difference – is that I have a means to put all of this out there to be seen and considered that the generations before me didn’t have.

If only we didn’t keep believing that this is some immoral stuff when, over all this time, there has been plenty of evidence that our morality remains outdated and stuck in a past time that we’ve moved beyond and as I keep saying not totally wrong… but not telling the whole story about certain things. I thought back to all of the times I’d given a guy his first experience and seeing them be in that moment of clarity and understanding that made them see that what they believed wasn’t what could really be. I mean, who knew? A lot of us do and even across every generation, this reality just keeps being… rediscovered. I read the forum and have seen that when a guy gets off the bench and has his first experience, he says the same things I’ve heard first-timers say: It’s not as bad as everyone says it is and with “everyone” being those in our society who continue to believe that what religion says about this is right.

It isn’t. It never was. Created with good intention but, clearly, those very early adopters could not envision the thought that just because it was deemed to be immoral, um, it wasn’t going to stop people from doing what they wanted and had to do. Some folks today have said that if we could just make religion go away, a lot of things would be better across the board and if we can’t make it go away – and, honestly, I don’t see that happening any time soon – we need to update it and bring it into the here and now because we are very different from the way humans were way back then. Granted – and to this end – some of the “offshoot” religions have seen fit to not beat homosexuals or bisexuals over the head with a bible because the reality is that one can be bisexual and still maintain their belief in a supreme being and, as such, act with moral responsibility – and as weird as that sounds but not all that different from another thing: Non-ethical monogamy or, my favorite, negotiated infidelity.

Despite all these ifs, we do find ways to get around the rules that has caused all of this drama and makes all of these ifs I’ve written – and many more – the wishful thinking stuff that may or may not get put into perspective so we can be the way we can be without all of the dumb shit landing on us. Or, “Patience my ass – I’m gonna get mine!” and, yeah, something bisexuals in every generation winds up saying (if not in the way I wrote it) and, yeah, if society would open their eyes and see that, like homosexuality, nothing that has been said and done to suppress and stifle these behaviors has, in effect, done little to nothing to prevent it and if society could understand that, well, that would be a very good thing and reason to put an end to its effort in futility that’s been going on over all this time.

I am bisexual. The only real difference between myself and straight and gay men is that when it comes to being intimate, I’m all for being intimate with those on either side of the sexuality fence. Not just women and not just men. Both. If they’re interested. Otherwise, I’m a guy and just like every other guy out there. I’m living my life just like they are. More than willing to have to deal with the social angst to defend my right to self-determination and with the nerve to say that the social angst is some pretty childish shit and, again, an effort in futility and more so when societies around the world have, indeed, failed to learn from history and they sure as fuck can’t seem to see what’s right there in their face:

Bisexuals. From all walks of life. We are legion and have been since the first bisexuals appeared. If only they could understand and accept this… but there are now many of us who aren’t of a mind to wait for them to get their collective heads out of their collective asses and see the reality of things. All of those ifs? Wishful thinking at best. Might even become a non-issue some day. Bisexuals, however, aren’t waiting for the world to change and are effecting change by defying conventional thinking and proving, once again and in this current cycle, that people aren’t just either straight or gay.

Some of us are both… but not either exclusively. Why? Because we can be. Duh. We want to be; we can find reason to be. None of that straight privilege crap because we are straight until we get into something that’s gay and once we’re done with that, we go right back to being straight. Again, duh. Yes… if we could stop letting the social angst make us mindfuck ourselves, that would be a good thing because I tend to see that it’s not society’s blindness to this that causes us the most problems: We can be our own worst enemy. If we could stop being so fearful – and then passing our fears on to others, that would be a good thing, too. If we could stop making this harder than it already is, ditto. If we could stop being so risk-adverse. If we could stop taking the facts of things and putting our own spin on them and, often, incorrectly so.

If, if, if.

 
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Posted by on 21 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Managing the Fears

“Bill” and I had disengaged from the very heated 69 we’d been in and I felt like I had just run a marathon; he had admitted to jerking off before I arrived and that told me that getting him off again was going to take some work. Still, I had fun doing him; while I’ve never given a flying fuck about cock size, his was pretty average in length and girth which allowed me to wreak havoc upon him – and not just because his cock was “stupidly” easy to suck.

As we were cooling off, I almost laughed aloud thinking about him sucking me and, I thought, trying to show off. I had taken him deep and held him there for a few and, I dunno, I guess he felt he had to equal what I was doing… and then started making those sounds like he was about to barf. I would have pulled away… but he not only had a hold of my ass, he also had a finger in me and his gagging broke my mood for a moment but just as I was about to stop and tell him to not do that, he pulled back and took a moment to get his act back together before going back to sucking me. I’ve never been one to criticize someone who wanted to blow me but, yeah, I always wondered why some guys always tried to do something that would cause them a bit of distress.

“Man, you’re really good at this!” Bill said – and with a huge smile on his face.

“I do my best,” I said, opting to respond this way instead of the way I sometimes respond: I should be given how long I’ve been doing this. Yeah, it sounds… snarky but it’s the truth.

“Can ask you something?” he asked, making me give him a look because I’m thinking that we just got finished sucking each other off so asking if he could ask me a question was… redundant? Unnecessary?

“Sure,” I said, shifting in place to be more comfortable and to better make eye contact with him.

“Are you ever afraid of someone finding out that, um, that you do this?” he asked.

“I used to be back in the day,” I said. This was a legit and serious question and deserved a serious answer. “With so much hatred for gays, it was pretty scary to think that someone might mistake me for being gay and want to get violent with me. With the people I knew, getting with guys posed a problem because many of them knew my routine so to, say, see me somewhere I wouldn’t normally be might get them asking me questions I didn’t want to answer and more so when a lot of them had that same prejudice against gay men. Until, one day and when I was doing some heavy thinking about all of this and realized – and then decided – that being fearful of what someone else might say wasn’t worth raising my blood pressure because they’re gonna say whatever they have to say… and I’m going to ignore it because whatever I do about having sex isn’t any of their business.”

“Does your wife know?” he asked.

“She does,” I said; I didn’t see a point to get into the details around this so I just let it go at that.

“Man, you’re lucky – I am so afraid that I’ll get busted and my whole life will go down the toilet,” he said, shaking his head and looking worried.

“I guess I am since I don’t have that to worry about but there are other things to be aware of,” I said. “Too many guys out there who aren’t all that… decent and by that I mean being considerate about what they want to do and not being mindful of their health. It’s a constant concern and an ever-present risk we all take and, for me, this is more of a concern than someone bitching me out because I sucked a dick and doing all that preaching that I’ve not only heard before but don’t really care a lot about.”

“Were you scared the first time you did it?” he asked.

“Honestly? No, I wasn’t. I was more… curious than anything else,” I said, digging into my memories to recapture what I was feeling in that moment. “I can’t honestly say that I knew what was going to happen but I was excited to find out. It was… nice – and that’s the best way I can put it. The taste and feel of his dick in my mouth was indescribable since I had nothing to compare it to. Then he came in my mouth and I swallowed it – decided that it was better to do that to keep from choking on it although, in retrospect, I probably should have tried to spit it out but I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid but afterward? I was energized something fierce; I could still taste him and I could feel his sperm in my stomach and I didn’t really know what to make of all this but I knew I liked it.”

“Wow,” he said. “My first time was some scary shit. My friend had asked me to suck him and part of me wanted to and another part of me was very scared to. I remember saying no because someone might see us but when I think back to that moment, I kinda laugh because we were in the woods behind my house and in the tree fort me and my friends had built so there was no way anyone would see me doing this unless they climbed the ladder to get in the fort.”

“I understand,” I said. His was a story that I’d heard but in different “versions;” it was like a lot of guys had similar first times.

“I was so scared that I felt like I was going to piss on myself. My friend kept telling me to do it and I felt pressured and afraid but when he pulled my head toward his cock, I just opened my mouth. He was telling me what to do and the more I did it, the less afraid I was but I was still jumping at any sounds I heard – you know what I mean?”

“I do,” I said with a wry smile. “It’s like you get super hearing and hearing a fly fart makes you want to jump right out of your skin.”

“Exactly! I don’t know how long I was sucking his cock but the more I did it, the more I liked it. I was going right along and so focused on how it all felt when, the next thing I knew, I felt something shoot into my mouth; it was warm and kinda thick and salty but it tasted sweet but it didn’t taste all that good. I wanted to spit it out but he was holding my head and I couldn’t move so I did the only thing I could think of – I swallowed it.”

“I understand that, too,” I said.

“Then I threw it up,” he said with a bit of a laugh. “I at least had enough sense to rush over to the opening and throw up outside the fort. That left me feeling pretty yucky but when he asked me if I was okay, I realized that I was okay but now I was afraid that he was going to tell the rest of the guys about what I’d done.”

“Yeah, that was always a problem when I was growing up and more so when the wrong person would get told – and now I’m listening to a bunch of shit and getting ready to get into a fight,” I said, remembering all of the times when someone kissed and told.

“I just have a hard time dealing with my fears,” he said. “After that day, shit, not only did he tell the other guys, they wanted me to suck their cocks, too, and the bad part was that I was afraid to… and I wanted to. Hell, I remember us leaving the tree fort that day and I couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone who saw us walking down the street knew what we had been doing to each other.”

“It can make you paranoid like that,” I said. “It’s crazy because that’s how you’re feeling even though you also know that there’s no way that anyone looking at you would know what you did.”

“Right. I just don’t know how to deal with my fears. I was afraid to ask you if we could do this even though we did meet each other on a site for guys who want to do this. I just knew that everyone I knew would find out that I was looking to suck cock even though I knew I was in the clear today… but that fear has always stuck with me like stink on a skunk.”

He had me laughing when he said that but I knew what he meant all too well.

“How did you deal with it? I mean, I don’t get a sense that you have any fears about doing this,” he said.

“Like I said, I just figured out that it didn’t make sense for me to be afraid of something that I don’t have any control over,” I said. “People are going to think or say whatever and whether they’re right or dead wrong. I realized that, yeah, sometimes, I’m gonna have to explain myself but most of the time and when someone got in my face about it, I’d just neither confirm nor deny that I sucked that guy’s dick – then whatever else they had to say, I’d just tune them out. Also like I said, I have heard this shit so many times that I got tired of listening to it – so I stopped listening to it and that took away a lot of the fear I was carrying around. There’s reason to be… concerned but to be afraid? Didn’t make any sense. I go out of my way to avoid any situation that I think isn’t going to be a good one but sometimes you never know how a guy is going to behave once his dick gets hard… and now I might have to defend myself.”

“That doesn’t scare me and I’m not really fearful of such situations – I’m just aware that anything can happen and it’s on me to be able to deal with it… but letting fear run things is a bad idea since there are guys who smell fear on you and now they want to take greater advantage of it.”

“So I really shouldn’t be afraid – is that what you’re saying?” he asked.

“Yes… and no. Dealing with this and managing your fears is one of those things where you have to figure out how to do it. I told you how I did it but that might not work for you; everyone’s situation is different. I don’t have to worry about my wife giving me all holy hell and divorcing me; there are some who are close to me that know this about me and, if nothing else, they like to mess with me about it but in a good way. Everyone else? I don’t have the time or the patience to be worried or fearful about what they might have to say and if they wanna get violent about it, well, it’s gonna suck to be them. I had to deal with this shit growing up and I saw a lot of guys getting their asses kicked and the difference between me and them is that I really know how to fight and I will do whatever I gotta do to defend myself. As such, I’m not afraid… but I remain aware of things.”

“How you deal with your fears depends on a lot of stuff that only you know of. My sensei would always tell us that it’s okay to be afraid but to not let our fears control us and that we should use our fears. When he taught us about this, I admit that I had no idea what the hell he was talking about but, over time, it started to make sense because, on the whole, letting our fears control us just isn’t a good thing to do and no matter what you’re doing.”

“You’ve really thought this out, haven’t you?” he asked.

“Yeah, I have and I’ve probably thought too much about it – wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of overthinking stuff,” I said with a laugh. “But when you know about something, the more you know about it, the less fearful it is; the fear becomes… awareness because, as Murphy’s Law says, if it can go wrong, it will go wrong and instead of being fearful about this, you’re just aware that things could go sideways and especially if you don’t want or need it to. Awareness… but never fear. Takes a lot of energy to be worried about shit that, for the most part, is going to be beyond your control so when it comes to this, if you have reason not to do it, just don’t do it and if the other guy get’s pissy about it, well, you just gotta handle it – but not be afraid because you were aware that this could happen if you said no.”

“You have an interesting way of looking at this,” he said.

“I see it the way I do because I’ve been doing this for a very long time and I’ve learned a lot of shit,” I said. “I know that sucking a guy’s dick is some scary shit and that fear just brings on other fears so now you’re spending more time looking over your shoulders or being all jumpy when, I think, all that energy is better spent and used doing something you enjoy doing,” I said.

“I was afraid that you weren’t going to like how I sucked you,” he said.

“I can understand that since I used to have that fear, too, until I finally realized that the other guy not liking it is one of those things I don’t have any control over. I can only do the best I can do and if that’s not good enough for him, okay, at the least, I’ll file his displeasure away but the bottom line for me is did I get to suck dick? I did. I’m good with it even if he wasn’t. That’s on him but, yeah, because I know it can happen, I’m not afraid of it happening. And, yes, you did just fine until you tried to deep throat me.”

“Yeah, um, I wanted to try it with you,” he said – and he was actually blushing, too. “I just wanted it to be good for you, ya know?”

“I do know… and it was good so nothing to be afraid or worried about, right?” I asked. “Next time you try that, breathe through your nose and not your mouth – that helps a lot.”

“Let’s find out!” he said.

Well, um, let’s say that he did better the second time around but for me, shit, I kinda “hated” conversations like this because if we went for round two, my mind gets… distracted analyzing the conversation when I know I should be paying attention to what’s going on but, yep, I can’t help it; it’s just how my brain works. Yes, indeed – he did a good job sucking me until I came again and despite my thoughts distracting me, it didn’t stop me from wreaking havoc on his cock again and I’ll even admit to showing off when I took him deep… and stuffed his balls into my mouth, too. Had my jaw muscles aching something fierce but it was worth it since the moment I got his nuts out of my mouth, he came.

Good stuff. Afterward, we mostly talked about whether or not we could get together again some time and I said that I’d like it if we could – give me a call and let’s see what can be arranged. To be honest, I didn’t expect to hear from him again so I was a bit surprised when, three days later, he called me; not just to arrange a time and place to blow each other but to tell me that he was doing much better at not letting his fears get the best of him… and I was genuinely happy to hear this.

A lot of guys have a lot of fears about this. Some are imagined… but some of them are very damned real.. and a lot of them fall into the category of being beyond one’s control. You just never know when someone is going to confront you about this and because someone outed you or they got very suspicious and even intuitively knew that you’re not as straight as you appear to be. If you’re aware of it, sure, you can be concerned about it but not fearful. This reminds me of a saying I read: Don’t let your fears make you foolish. It took me a few to make sense of this, both in the context in which it was written but how this applies to how you go about your life. If you’re fearful, you’re not thinking and if you’re not thinking, yeah, being made to be foolish is something to be avoided at all costs. And in this, if you’re spending more time being afraid of things – and things that aren’t actually happening – then you’re not paying attention to what you’re doing and that leads to a less than satisfactory experience for everyone involved.

I know that I’m not always going to get or do it right… so I have no fears or worries about it. While I do take quite a bit of pride in my ability to give head, I can only do the best I can do and if I don’t get it right, yeah, that’s not good but all I can do is apologize and, if there’s a next time, do my best to do it better for them. But to be fearful about this or any of the associated things that are part and parcel of being a bi guy? Makes no sense. I really have better things to think about. And as another thing I read says, a life lived in fear is a life not worth living.

I don’t know if Bill got over all of his fears but I did notice when we were together, he was more confident about what he was going as well as being more comfortable with it. Going forward, man, I’d run into guys carrying around a great deal of fear and it would greatly inhibit them and make me wonder how a guy can have so many fears about something he wants to do and if it ever occurs to them that in order to be able to do it, getting rid of those fears or finding a way to manage them would make being able to do it a lot easier on them, well, where their thoughts about all of this is concerned.

It’s in our nature to fear the unknown but once we know a thing, we either continue to fear it for some reason or we stop being afraid of it; we have a measure of respect and awareness of it and that’s a better place to be than to, again, be constantly looking over our shoulders or jumping at noises or seeing shit in shadows that’s not really there. Or being bothered by that weird sense of paranoia that gets you thinking that everyone who lays eyes on you knows that you’re not as straight as you appear or is thought to be. We tend to project fear forward and in a way that can get us to believe that whatever we’re fearful of in this is always going to show up and cause problems when, in actuality, there’s always the potential for things to go south and something to be aware of because if it’s going to go south, you don’t have much in the way of control over situation and, yeah, the best way to not make this fear real is to… do nothing.

Not only do we tend to project our fears, we can also project those fears onto others, like how I can go on the forum and read guys losing their ever-loving minds as they insist that if you have casual sex with someone, you will be infected with something. Yeah, it’s possible; it’s something to be aware of but to be of a mind that this worst case situation will happen, well, I think that’s more irrational fear than anything else and more so when there are things you can do to prevent being infected and as simple as the price of a box of condoms. One guy gets to riffing about this and I don’t think such a guy gives any thought about how he’s infecting others with his fears and more so when chances are the other guys really don’t have a whole lot to be fearful about, not when they are able to set their fears aside and look at things without that fear getting in the way of clear thought… and making them foolish.

I get it. That used to be me, too, but before I sicced my intelligence on my fears and those fears got their asses kicked and/or put into perspective. I’m aware of a lot of the things that could go wrong trying to get some dick and getting my fix for it and I do my best to plan accordingly but, yeah, hope for the best, expect the worst… but without being fearful one way or the other.

 
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Posted by on 18 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Sheesh…

On the heels of yesterday’s scribble, my attention turns to how… fucked up we are about having sex and how insularly clueless many of us are about sexuality in that, here in the 21st century, there are still a lot of people who think and believe that if someone isn’t straight, they’re gay.

Which is why a lot of the fussing about bisexuality exists because – and as I’ve said a lot – bisexuality takes all of our notions abut sexuality and trashes the shit out of them. Seriously… who in their right mind would want both? Um, hmm, it appears that there are a lot of who aren’t in their right mind but that begs an important question: If there are so many of us who’s minds ain’t right about this, why are there so many of us to begin with and does it – should it – indicate that our minds ain’t as fucked up as it’s believed they are?

That guy from yesterday learned a truth that I had already learned: While two guys blowing each other is, in deed and in fact, homosexual sex, that never means that one or both guys are homosexual. Homey, well, I wouldn’t say that he was so scared to do what we did that he was about to piss his pants but the fact that he thought that one had to be gay to get sucked off by a guy was the thing he had some… unspoken concerns about as well as harboring the misconception that he had to be gay to get a blowjob from a guy. He didn’t speak to it but I saw the moment where he was… confused because I “outed” myself and told him that not only had I had guys suck my dick, I’ve sucked some dicks… and, oh, by the way, I’m not gay.

Man… I’ve watched so many guys go through this moment that it isn’t funny and it’s not their fault so much: It’s society’s fault for not understanding some stuff about this and then making a blanketed assessment that, again, says that if you’re not straight, you’re gay. I can’t begin to count the number of guys who really and truly believed that if they did what they wanted to with a guy, it was going to make them gay… and then be in that great moment of confusion when I told them that I’ve done it – a lot, too – and I’m still not gay and, honestly (and without any insult intended), I wouldn’t want to be and for quite a few reasons – but those reasons don’t have anything to do with my ability and desire to have “gay sex” and, nope, not gay.

I’m not being deceitful and I’m sure as hell not acting as if I’m straight because I am straight… until I do something that isn’t and when I do – and it’s over with – I go right back to being straight. Not sure I really understand why there has been – and continues to be – so many people who just don’t understand that and, to be more accurate – what I don’t understand is why we haven’t changed our collective minds and views about these things since, for the most part, a lot of bisexuality is about the sex part… but doesn’t discount the more emotional parts. I shouldn’t “be into men like that” but I could be… and still very much be into women that way even though, once again, our morality and social norms say otherwise.

When you’ve heard as much of the bullshit that I’ve heard over the course of my life, you might understand why I tend to utter that word that’s the title of this scribble: People don’t get it. They don’t understand it and they don’t understand it because they have a very narrow view about sex to begin with and a narrow view that was… given to them and told to be true… when it never was. I figured that out… and that guy, on that day, figured it out, too, and he got major props from me when he told me that he learned something. Sure, he learned something about me but that wasn’t the biggest thing he learned: He learned that what he believed wasn’t true as well as learning some stuff about himself and something a lot of guys learned (and I had something to do with that): It’s not as bad as everyone says it is… and you don’t have to be gay to have sex like a gay person would.

Why does it feel right and normal? Because it really is and any bisexual will tell you the same thing… because they, too, learned that it is. The… deceitful aspects isn’t really about other people knowing this about you because – and as I have learned – there are a lot of people who just don’t need to know. The deceit comes into play when we’re lying to ourselves about our sexual desires, whether we’ve had them like this “all along” or we get introduced to it… then acting like we didn’t enjoy it. It doesn’t always go like that but this is to be expected when you consider that it’ll not go well because it involves people… and we most definitely can fuck up some shit when it comes to sex and make it bad for someone else.

Occupational hazard. Part of the true nature of the beast. Adding dick to your sexual menu if you’re a guy doesn’t mean that your gay or that you will ever be gay; you’re really just one of the many men who likes sex with women… and with men and in whatever ways that enjoyment works – preferences and all that.

The next day with that guy was… enlightening. We got right to the business of sucking each other’s dick and I didn’t fail to notice that he did his part without any of the hesitation and trepidation he had the day before. After finishing each other off, he came right out and say, “I’m not gay.”

Which had me giving him my “where did that come from” look… but I understood why he said what he did. He went on to explain how what we’d done the day before changed a whole lot of shit he once believed in – and including that nonsense that people are either straight or gay. Not only was I proof that this notion is a falsehood, he was now proof himself. I had to hand it to him: He handled this transition better than most guys did (and do). It “did my heart good” to hear him talk about what we’d just got finished doing and his realization that doing it didn’t change him – and read that as instantly making him the dreaded “flaming fag” that public opinion insist is going to happen.

“All you really did was find out that there’s a different way to have sex; it changes your view of things but doesn’t really change you all that much – it really doesn’t make you gay,” I said. “You – and just like a lot of dudes – got your mind changed about that having to be gay bullshit to be able to do – and enjoy – not only getting your dick sucked but sucking dick, too… and that’s not really a bad thing.”

Morality says it is and it should be and, sheesh, people believed it in 1977 and they still believe it in 2021. If a guy has sex with another guy – and no matter how much you try to bullshit yourself about it – it is homosexual sex aka gay sex. And people really do believe there is a gigantic difference at work when someone is gay… but continually fail to see and understand that the only real differences in effect – and across all of the three “major” sexualities – is who we have sex with and be more emotional with. Otherwise, we go about our lives doing the same things. The other thing that makes me go, “Sheesh…” is the continued belief that once you’ve chosen your sexuality, you can never change it.

Really? I’ve gotten some interesting and hilarious looks from people when I tell them that I’ve had sex with lesbians and something we hold true and insist is… impossible. I used to think that, too, until I found out that it isn’t all that much. I know gay men who, on occasion, get some pussy and because, well, why not? If you don’t mind, it never matters but the thing in their minds is that if you’re gay and find yourself having “straight sex,” it doesn’t change the “fact” that they’re gay even when, “technically,” it makes them a bit bisexual or somewhere between 4 and 6 on the Kinsey scale. We, on the whole, don’t seem to understand that while we have a default or preferred behavior in these things, um, we can deviate from our default and it’s not a “crime” so much since, duh, we are allowed to change our minds and even if the change is situational…

Because the bottom line item is… it’s sex. Doesn’t really matter why you wanted or needed to “shift to another gear” or cross the lines we’ve tried to permanently draw in the sand and, supposedly, is never to be crossed. Yet, we do… if it suits our needs and purposes in that moment and even if it’s one of those, “Try it – you just might like it” moments. And then, hopefully, not wind up mindfucking yourself over it. It’s sex. You got laid. Not the way you usually do it. Hopefully you enjoyed the hell out of it. And, yeah, having that thing in your head that says, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time.”

I hear that one a lot. I laugh my ass off every time I hear it because I’m as bisexual as anyone can be… and it’s not something I do all of the time… but I do it when I can. If that was the case – and where guy are concerned – yeah: That makes me gay by definition if by no other means… but I’m not gay… but I do like the sex; otherwise, I wouldn’t do it.

Duh, right? It never fails to amaze me when someone, before the fact, has a lot of fear and misconceptions about this then, after the fact, find out that there was really nothing to be afraid of and that whatever misconceptions they had were, at the least, unfounded. Wasn’t as bad as they thought and was told it is. That sexual culture shock that opens one’s eyes and allows to see that the only thing that’s really bad about it is… believing that it is bad.

During our second encounter, I got to watch him blow me… and he was enjoying himself and I could feel that and see it since he’d “come up for air” and was grinning. He didn’t have to say a word about what he was feeling because I knew what it was: Sucking dick is some exciting shit to do and even more so when it’s not supposed to be done. See, some people let that fuck with them and stop them from doing what they want to do… and some people really do get into it and give our morality a big “fuck you” and, in an odd way, being “spiteful” about it. The sex is good (or as good as it’s gonna be) and it’s good because it’s also bad. Strange but true. Homey got to watch me sucking him and even provided some… commentary as I did so like noting how unconcerned I was about sucking him; that one made me stop and ask him, “Is there something I should be concerned about?”

“So it doesn’t bother you what someone else is going to think about you?” he had asked.

“I used to be worried about that and figured out that this was just me being stupid; if they find out, they find out… I’m going back to what I was doing if that’s okay with you?” I asked. Turned out that he was more than okay when he started pumping his spunk into my very greedy mouth.

Later, he did say, “It didn’t change me, well, not in the way I thought it would.”

“The thing is that until you actually do it, you’re not going to realize or understand that it doesn’t change you. It could – but that depends on some stuff that’s going on inside of your head. Some guys experience this and it hits them that, holy shit – they are gay and, likely, denying those feelings. It happens… but it’s not automatic; being gay isn’t like catching a cold – but almost everyone believes that if you have sex like this, you’re gonna wind up as gay as a three dollar bill… but you know that you aren’t.”

He just nodded as I said this because if he didn’t know this before, he knew it now. Yeah, he professed his love of women and their delicious pussies and that sucking dick wasn’t something he’d do all of the time and all I said to that was what I said before: I suck dick. It’s not something I do all of the time but even gay men don’t literally do it all of the time. He continued to nod and said, “You really do know some shit about this, don’t you?”

“I really do,” I said – then proceeded to blow his brains out again… because it’s fun. It’s sex. Still not gay and understanding that the acts don’t really define me or doing something gay doesn’t – and can’t – make me gay… and feeling some kind of way knowing that there are a whole lot of people who can’t understand this and are content to remain… ignorant which, by the way, isn’t the insult it sounds like. They don’t know and they don’t want to know but they’re often happy to give people like me a lot of shit… about something they choose to remain… ignorant about.

Sheesh. You’d think that after all of this time, we would have radically changed our perceptions of this and the facts of the matter is that we haven’t but, little by little, a lot of people are finding out, learning, and understanding that our morality just isn’t telling us the whole truth; we’ve not completely gotten away from the silly notion that if you get into some same-sex sex, that means you’re really gay. No, it sure as fuck doesn’t! I find it totally incredulous that there are people who pay more attention to the fact that I suck dick than they should be paying attention to the other fact about me: Boy, do I ever love pussy! And the fact that I’ve had people totally ignore this or brush it aside like it doesn’t mean anything makes me… incredulous. Even sad given what that says about us and the way we think about sex. Um, what part of “I like women and pussy” didn’t you understand? Did you not understand the words that came out of my mouth about this part… and do you not understand that because I like women and pussy – and first and foremost – um, it doesn’t make me gay just because I get some dick?

The act is. I’m not. I’m bisexual. Literally both sexes. Okay, time to go to school. Bi means two. Homo means “the same.” Hetero means, well, “not the same” or opposite. Morally interpreted to be boy/girl and only that. Morality is wrong; human nature isn’t so much. And it can’t be possible that I’m the only one who understands this… but it often feels like it. Which is, by the way, why I write about it so that those who don’t understand – but might want to – can get to understanding it and lessening the moments that makes me say, “Sheesh…” You might not want to get into it – and you don’t have to; it still ain’t for everyone but just like that guy discovered, it ain’t that bad. Doesn’t make you gay. Does make you cum. Ya mon! That always works. If you don’t mind, it never matters and even when it matters to someone else who, essentially, doesn’t get it. Stuck in a loop of belief that isn’t true about what we’re capable of and able to do in the pursuit of sexual pleasure. That and it’s not bad until it’s actually proven to be bad; otherwise, hmm, this shit feels pretty good and the “weirdness” of it just stops being all that weird and feels normal… and because it really is.

Sheesh. The act doesn’t define us as much as we believe it does. Bisexuality confuses the shit out of a lot of people because the acts we can engage in defies some stuff since, um, we have sex with both sexes. If I’m eating pussy, sure, you can say that I’m straight… and I’d not disagree with you but, um, when I tell you that I like sucking dick, I understand your momentary confusion because you believe that doing this makes me gay… and I am clearly not gay, well, if you believe that all gay men hate women and pussy… and that’s not as true as we like to believe, either. It’s all and still sex. And we’ve proven over all this time that human nature trumps morality in these things; otherwise, everyone would be straight; that our innate need to have sex and otherwise be intimate and social trumps morality. Morality isn’t bad – it just doesn’t tell the whole truth and it was designed to not let us know the whole truth. We believe that it’s right… and it isn’t. It never was. I’m not straight and I’m not gay; if the sex I have defines me, um, that would be bisexual.

Sheesh… wake up and drink – not smell – gallons of coffee so that, like that guy I was with way back in 1977, you can understand the reality of this. Ya might not do it. Ya still might disagree with it and stick with what morality says. But if you fail to accept and understand the gross reality about our pursuit of sexual pleasure (at the least), well, that’s your cross to bear and I – and those like me – would appreciate it if you’d stop giving us a raft of shit that you think you know… and you really don’t.

That acquaintance thought he knew. He was – and like so many others – fearful of it but did it anyway since his need for release was greater than whatever he was thinking about that which he believed. Tried it… and liked it but, importantly, learned the truth: It ain’t as bad as it’s said to be. Morally it is bad… but the reality he learned? Not bad at all. Feels pretty damned good and surprisingly so. Eager to do it again and, importantly, having the confidence to do it and knowing that the only thing that changed was that he found another way to have sex and be pleased in the doing… and, nope, not gay at all.

And all that riffing and other bullshit offered up by others is… bullshit. Usually a grossly uninformed opinion or parroting the ongoing dogma and, yeah, still believing that people should only be straight or gay… and after they were saying that people should only be straight.

Sheesh…

 
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Posted by on 17 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Man, If I Was Gay…”

“…I’d let some dude blow me,” the acquaintance I was hanging out with said – and out of the blue.

My eyebrows crawled up into my braids in a flash and I had that “what did he just say” look on my face as my eyelids were blinking so fast it was like looking at him with a strobe light flashing. Prior to this, we had been talking about the NFL games played the day before and other “mundane” stuff and while sitting on my steps and doing some people watching.

As my eyebrows “returned” to their proper place and my eyelids settled down – all that strobing was making me dizzy – and while waiting for him to explain this abrupt and unexpected change of topic, I was wracking my brain to think of any time I’d heard – or had heard of – him making such a statement. In a way, I shouldn’t have been all that surprised because that year, 1977, was a whirlwind of guys deciding that having sex with a dude was the thing to do and more so when there was a pointed lack of pussy and guys would have a lady today… and not have one the next day.

The silence after his announcement was deafening and I mentally slapped my forehead to realize that he was waiting for me to say something about what he said so I said the first thing that came to mind:

“Who says you have to be gay to have that done?”

“Um, because that’s what gay dudes do,” he said and looking at me with a look that suggested that I might not have known this… or that wasn’t the response he was expecting.

“I know but that doesn’t mean you have to be gay; all you gotta do is want a guy to blow you,” I said.

“And how do you know that?” he asked.

“Because I know stuff,” I said, giving him a rather indignant look. “I’m smarter than the average bear!”

“And?” he prompted. Yeah, shit, how do I respond to this and should I?

“Okay, okay, I’ve had guys suck my dick… and I’m not gay,” I said, mentally crossing my fingers as well as feeling my flight or fight thing immediately jumping to standby mode. If this was gonna get ugly, I’d be ready for it.

“No shit? What was it like?” he asked – and making me relax a bit.

“Honestly? Better than the head I’ve gotten from women,” I said.

“Did they get you off?” he asked.

“They sure did,” I said. “And they swallowed it, too.”

“But they were gay, right?” he asked.

“Uh, no, not all of them were,” I said. “So, no – you don’t have to be gay to want or let a guy suck your dick; you just gotta want him to do it, you know, if you can get your head around it.”

He sat there for a long moment and I was feeling some… trepidation because I could almost guess what his next question was going to be but since I had already fessed up that guys had blown me, it was one of those “in for a penny, in for a pound” moment which also included how I was going to respond when he would eventually get around to asking The Question and flipping a mental coin over whether he was gonna ask The Question or not.

“So, um, so does that mean that you’ve sucked dick, too?” he asked and I gave myself a pat on the back for correctly guessing that he was gonna ask me that.

“Yeah, I have and before you ask, more than once or twice, okay?” I replied.

“But you’re not gay…” he said.

“Not even,” I answered. I’m kinda on pins and needles for a couple of reasons at this point in the conversation. I’m waiting for him to ask The Question while going through some shit in my head, not about how I was gonna answer it but whether or not I really wanted to suck his dick and if it would turn out to be a big mistake. On the one hand, it was one of those boring Monday afternoons; I’d been out that morning following up on the job applications I had put in and with that bit of business done, I didn’t have anything else pressing to take care of and, um, when I get bored, I want to have sex… but my inner voice of wisdom suggested that I not put the cart before the horse.

“Hmm,” he said. “What’s it like to suck a dude’s dick?”

Well, that wasn’t the question I was expecting so I had to switch gears; I spent maybe five minutes trying to answer his question and felt myself frowning – but not intentionally – because while I knew exactly what it was like, I was beginning to understand that I wasn’t all that good at explaining it other than it makes me feel good and it feels good to do it. As I stumbled through my answer, he just nodded to himself and staring at… something, which told me he was deep in thought and I was thinking – and kinda hoping – that he was thinking about how he was gonna ask me if I’d blow him. The horny bastard that lived in my head was starting to get excited over the prospect of getting his dick in my mouth while the “angel and part-time devil” who also lived there was reminding me that he was still an unknown element.

The neighborhood grapevine was a good one and better than most; if The Word – and about anything – got out on someone, it was pretty damned accurate and a quick search told me that I hadn’t heard anything about him where this was concerned; no rumors, no innuendos – nothing. I knew him… but I didn’t know him. Now, you might think that we were sitting there for a really long time waiting for the other shoe to drop – and it felt like it to me – but, in real time, we’d only been sitting there in this quiet moment for about a minute.

“Damn, man, that’s, ah, hmm, that’s something,” he said and breaking the silence. When he kinda shifted his position on the step and cleared his throat, I knew The Question was coming and I even took a moment to ask myself why I was so sure that he was going to ask it… and got a busy signal for an answer. Okay. He’s getting ready to ask it… but how I am going to answer it? I didn’t have some great urge to blow him but the horny bastard was poking me and reminding me that I didn’t have anything else do to so if he asks, just say yes, take him inside, and suck his dick. And he didn’t “disappoint.”

“So, um, um, let’s say that if I asked you to suck me off, you wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it, would you?” he asked.

Okay – The Question Before The Question.

“No, I wouldn’t,” I said. “I mean, why would I when I’ve told you that I’ve sucked dick before?” Jesus… stop dicking around and just ask me what you know you wanna ask me already! I actually hated this part, having to sit and wait for the guy to make up his mind to ask and, in many of the more recent situations, get up the nerve to ask it by dancing all around the matter to avoid just coming out and asking.

“Cool. So, ahem, so it wouldn’t matter if, let’s say, you sucked me off but I didn’t do the same to you?” he asked.

“It does but I’m used to that,” I said. “You don’t have to if you can’t but if you think you can, okay.”

“What if I did but I wasn’t, um, good at it?” he asked.

“I appreciate a guy who tries more than I do a guy who won’t try,” I said with a shrug. “If I’m still being honest – and I am – some of the best times when I’ve been sucked has been by guys who give it a try than those guys who were really good at it.”

“Oh. Okay, I see. So, um…” he began… and my patience had finally come to an end.

“If you’re gonna ask me if we can do this, the answer is yes: We can do this if you want to,” I said and trying to keep the irritation out of my voice while kicking my ass over the thought that I might not have succeeded at that. The horny bastard was losing its mind while the angel/part-time devil was rolling its eyes and reminding me that if this went wrong, don’t say I wasn’t told that it might.

He blinked and I had no idea what he was thinking about until he asked, “And it doesn’t mean that either of us is gay, right?”

“Right. It doesn’t. I know I’m not gay and I’m pretty sure you aren’t and, no, if we do this, I’m not gonna say anything to anyone about it,” I said. Well, that was a little white lie because I’d have to tell my wife because it was part of the agreement we made to have an open marriage – but he didn’t need to know that.

“Okay, cool, so (clearing his throat), if I wanted to do it now, that would be cool?” he asked.

“It would be; I’m here by myself for the day,” I said.

He just nodded. Now for part one of the moment of truth: Him saying that he wants to do it right now.

“I’m down… because, man, I haven’t busted a nut in a long time and, well, shit, I guess I’ve always wanted to give it a try, you know, if you really don’t mind?” he asked… and I had had enough of this pussy-footing and beating bushes to death.

“Come on in,” I said, getting to my feet and turning to open the screen door. I didn’t even bother to wait or see if he was going to follow me inside; either we were going to do this or we weren’t. I held the door for him without looking back at him but, yep, he was right behind me. I went to the living room, turned to look at him and pointed to the sofa to invite him to take a seat.

“So, uh, uh, what do we do now?” he asked.

“This,” I said. I sat next to him and went right to unfastening his pants and extracting his dick and, oh, my – did he have some dick or what? He wasn’t even hard but it wasn’t all that easy getting him out of his pants and I think he realized that because he raised up and slide his pants and underwear down. I looked at him with a look that said, “Last chance to change your mind!” and he just kinda nodded… and I fell on his dick like I was starving – well, after I gave his dick a good looking at to make sure he didn’t have any sores or anything like that on his dick and giving it a pump to make sure what came out of the head of his dick was crystal clear.

He gasped and even shuddered as I went for all of that dick in one gulp; I heard him say, “Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” as I buried my face in his crotch and the horny bastard was howling like crazy as I pulled back and started to suck him in earnest and with great intent. His dick tasted kinda soapy and salty; the hot and musky scent of him smelled clean and pleasantly “funky;” his dick was now fully hard and taking up space in my mouth but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.

I’m working him over and the horny bastard is insane to see and hear him responding to what I was doing to him… right up until the moment he said the word I didn’t want to hear.

“Wait, wait – stop! Just stop for a moment!”

And I stopped, letting his dick fall out of my mouth and not being happy about having to stop. “Are you okay?” I heard myself ask.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay… but I wanna suck your dick, too!” he said.

I was out of my pants and underwear so fast that I didn’t remember getting rid of them. We got arranged on the sofa so we could suck each other and I went right back to sucking him but noticing that he was tentative about sucking me. He kissed the head of my dick and I heard him say, “Hmm,” about… something. He licked the head of my dick and his… inexperience was driving me crazy as he spent a few long seconds doing that before I heard him mutter, “Fuck it…” before he took more of me into his mouth and even tried to do to me what I was doing to him.

And the whole time, I am seriously trying not to bust my nut. As I tried to lose myself in sucking him, that part of my mind that is always clear, focused, and paying attention to everything was wondering what it was about inexperienced guys sucking me that made me want to cum – and in a hurry. I put it out of my mind – more like trying to put it on the back burner – so I could have my way with him. I sucked his dick deep over and over then switched to suck on his balls; I thought about giving his taint some rubbing but decided against it since that was too close to his asshole and he might not like that.

I was in my element; the horny bastard was laughing evilly inside my head and I was literally a few scant seconds from stopping what I was doing – and stopping him – so I could announced that I was gonna cum. So I stopped and told him I was about to cum and he stopped and said, “Me, too – go for it!” And I went for it like I was on a mission… because I was. I could feel his dick twitching in my mouth and that the twitching was happening faster and faster; just as I felt his cock swell, he groaned and really started fucking into my mouth – then he came… and, boy, did he ever!

I got caught in between thinking about how much cum he was shooting into my mouth and swallowing it as fast as I could… while trying to do that as I was cumming. I heard him kinda grunt and I don’t know how I somehow knew he was deciding if my spunk tasted good or not and I guess it “didn’t” because I couldn’t feel him swallowing… and I really didn’t give a fuck about that as I continued to vacuum all of the spunk he had left. So good. So damned good.

“Damn, man – like, shit, man, I don’t know what to say,” he said as we “basked in the afterglow” and all that.

“You’re okay, right?” I asked.

“Shit, yeah,” he said. “I couldn’t swallow your shit – sorry about that.”

“Don’t be – there’s a reason why they say it’s an acquired taste,” I said with a laugh.

“You sure as fucked acquired it,” he said with a laugh of his own. “Damn, that was better than some babe could do it!”

That was a sentiment that I’d heard before and had been hearing during this crazy time when I’d wind up sucking a guy and, I’d guessed, a guy who somehow got caught up in this crazy period of time where getting some dick was the thing to be doing.

“As long as you’re really okay,” I said as I idly played with his balls.

“Um, dude, if you keep doing that, something’s gonna happen again,” he said.

“I’m counting on it,” I said before shifting my position to take his soft dick into my mouth again.

“Oh, shit,” he groaned.

It didn’t matter to me that he wasn’t paying any attention to my dick; if he did, he did. What did matter was he was down for me sucking him off again. My hunger had been awakened and I had to feed it… and I feasted on his dick and gave him big props for being able to get it up again having cum already. I sucked. He fucked my mouth. He even went back to sucking me and, for a moment, I wasn’t even aware that he was until I heard those deliciously obscene slurping sounds south of where I was. It was like I couldn’t get enough of his dick into my mouth even after making it all disappear… to my delight and definitely his. I knew this was “second wind” time and it was going to take both of us a few to be able to cum again – if at all. I got lost in the moment; my whole world was his dick in my mouth and his mouth on mine – and noting that he was better at it this time than the first.

I don’t know how much time had passed before I came in his mouth – and he swallowed this time – and he wasn’t too far behind me before he emptied his balls into my mouth again. There wasn’t a whole lot of it – not like the first time – but that didn’t matter one bit as I milked him with my mouth until he got soft. I was both sated and satisfied and was now hoping that he was as well.

I sat up… and the room spun crazily for a moment and I could barely see him adjusting to sitting up as well. That moment passed for the both of us and I looked at him and asked, “Well?”

He sighed and seemed to be gathering his thoughts before finally saying, “That shit was good, man. Shit, you’re good! I didn’t think I could suck your dick but, fuck, it was like I had to – ya know what I mean?”

I just nodded and waited to hear what else he was gonna say – and trying not to look at his dick.

“I, um, I don’t feel gay at all,” he said and like he had had a problem saying it.

“You don’t feel gay because you know – and I know – that you aren’t,” I said. “Man, a lot of dudes around here have been sucking dick and getting sucked like it is going out of style; I don’t know what’s going on but, um, ah, I ain’t complaining too much about it, if you know what I mean.”

“I do now,” he said. “So now what?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You wanna do it again or…” he said, letting the rest of the sentence trail off.

“That’s on you,” I said. “I don’t know about you but I’m not sure I can get it up again!”

“I don’t think I can either – shit, you are seriously good at this shit,” he said.

I just smiled.

“So, um, ah, whatcha doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“I don’t have anything planned,” I said after thinking about what I had to do tomorrow.

“So (clearing his throat), if I stopped by tomorrow…?” he asked.

“If you do and you wanna go for it again, I’m good with that,” I said.

He just nodded and started looking around to see where his pants and underwear got to… and I was looking myself and puzzled because I couldn’t remember either of us getting rid of them… or how my pants wound up on the chair on the other side of the living room.

As he got ready to leave, his whole demeanor changed which had me worried for a moment because with some guys, it’s all fun and games until nuts gets busted and the guy has that thing I was calling “the moment of clarity” where they stop being horny… and start thinking about what just happened. I was a bit on edge but confident that if he was now gonna freak out, I could deal with it… because it wasn’t like I never had to.

“I learned something today,” he said. “Yeah, this is some gay-ass shit but you were right – you don’t have to be gay to do it. Like I said, I didn’t think I could do any of it and I was scared to do it, ya know?”

“Yeah, it is pretty scary the first time until you realize that there’s nothing to be scared about,” I said. “You did pretty good, too, and I’m not lying about that.”

“I had hoped so,” he said. “Man, sucking your dick felt pretty weird but it didn’t – did that make sense?”

“Yup; I don’t know why it happens like that but, yeah, the first time you do it? It feels so fucking weird but it doesn’t at the same time.”

He just nodded before telling me that he might see me tomorrow… but I was sure that I would. I didn’t know how I knew but I knew he was hooked and hooked on having his dick sucked by a guy if nothing else. Oh, yeah, he’d be here tomorrow and as sure as the sun rises in the east… and I’d be ready to give him more of the same and until he couldn’t take any more.

After he left, I went back out to sit on the steps to ponder how dudes getting some dick – and mysteriously “deciding” that I was the guy to see about that – but really because The Word had gotten out about me – and how many of those guys were, to me, more worried about “being gay” than anything else. I kinda understood why because everyone knew that this was what gay dudes did and being gay was still a bad thing to be… but that didn’t change the fact that for some unknown reason, there were a lot of dude in the neighborhood – and outside of it – who were now looking to have some kind of sex with another guy. I wasn’t sure if it was some kind of sign of the times or something more than that…

But I was okay with it since it made it easier to feed my need to suck dick… and a lot of them found that sucking my dick and tasting my spunk wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be… and it didn’t make them gay at all. I laughed to myself to think about how so many guys were of a mind that being gay was… contagious; if you did something with a guy, you would instantly turn into a gay dude. I was really laughing thinking about this and had my moment of mirth interrupted when I heard a guy ask, “Yo… what’s so funny, my man?”

I looked up… and saw one of the local dudes who had found out that sucking dick wasn’t that bad and immediately knew that if he was here, he didn’t stop by just to ask me what’s happening.

“Just thinking about something,” I said. “You wanna come in?”

“You know I do,” he said with a very knowing smile.

 
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Posted by on 16 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Urge

Yep, right back to talking about sucking cock since a forum member wrote a post and looking for advice on how to deal with the urge and where the hell did it come from in the first place. Make yourself comfortable: This is gonna take a while to get out of my head.

Somewhere in our evolution as males, two guys “figured out” that they could have sex with each other and probably because way back then, men would go out on hunting parties that would last for days on end while the womenfolk stayed home and handled all of that. And, at some point, two guys found that if they put their mouths on each other’s cocks, well, damn! All of this, most likely, took place way before mankind created religion and given that the life expectancy way back then was pitifully short – whatever you were hunting as prey could easily make you their prey along with fatal accidents occurring – yeah, it made sense for “priorities” to be set and adhered to without exception and under pain of death since two males spilling their seed into each other wasn’t making any babies. Okay, fine. It is what it is and continues to be… but as males, we learned something and something that I believe – but cannot prove – became a part of our genetic memory or, as I’ve written before, just like that landmark experiment with flatworms.

The researchers taught a flatworm a trick and once the flatworm got it “down pat,” they chopped the poor thing up and fed it to other flatworms… and was floored to see that the other flatworms could do the trick that the original one was taught and as if they were doing it all along. We’re not flatworms… but this comparison makes the most sense to me; two guys learned it, taught other guys how to do it and, well, we all know how to do it and, importantly, I think, can have a very powerful urge to do it since much of it is also tied to our biological and hard-wired need to have sex and “sow” our seeds… and we don’t necessarily have to do that with women.

Move forward a whole lot of centuries. Gay men, those immoral heathens, were insisting that they were born this way and I had learned and “figured out” that they weren’t totally wrong about this even though they’d also insist that they had no choice in their sexual preference and orientation. I figured out that, if nothing else, we’re all born with the potential to not be so heterosexual in our sexual behaviors but you do have to choose what, if anything, you’re gonna do about the way you’re feeling. The gay men also had it wrong because some guys… get into dick and “being born this way” had nothing to do with it and the moral restrictions just get disregarded out of a sense of necessity. As such – and probably because it was a “trick” that’s a part of our genetic memory as males – a guy can either have the urge to suck cock or intelligently decide that sucking some dick just is what he needs to do – and no matter how or why he came to such an immoral conclusion.

The urge is and can be… pretty damned powerful. Not that easy for all men to ignore but a lot of men do… and a lot more men don’t and just can’t. Those who do not suck cock don’t always understand why (1) women would do that to begin with and (2) why men would want to given the forbidden nature of it. They mistakenly and, perhaps, “ignorantly,” don’t understand that while our morality about these things is what it is, it has never been able to stand up against human nature because if this was as true as they say it should be, um, there wouldn’t be men sucking each other’s dick and with glee and relish.

Lord only knows how many men I’ve come across who has been confused and befuddled over why they have this urge to do something that’s not supposed to be done. I learned, along the way, that there are… external issues that can come into play that just somehow makes all the sense in the world to find a guy, get the dicks out, and suck them until the cum flows… and then, if those guys experienced it, be even more confused and baffled because sucking that dick just felt right, normal, and natural… and 110% against the prohibition to do it.

You’ve seen me spend an inordinate amount of time trying to explain what I’m thinking and feeling when I’m sucking on a guy’s cock… and I am embarrassingly inept at it even though I know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling and, yes, I’m even thinking about the fact that I shouldn’t suck dick, let alone enjoy it any more than I should allow and enjoy another man sucking me… while knowing that, again, moral imperatives can and tend to lose when human nature “demands” that the rules should be kicked to the curb when that stupidly powerful urge to suck cock comes into existence – and, again, no matter what triggered the urge to begin with.

Some of us found out about this in our youth. Okay. Experimentation time. “Easily” explained but, eh, not so much since the classical explanation – raging hormones – don’t really get right down to the root. Moral conflict occur and either morality and the fear of great punishment and prejudice rules the day… or it doesn’t because for some damned reason, sucking dick makes sense or, as I like to say, it’s deliciously nasty and a lot of fun to do something that’s not to be done. Now, I’ve gotten all into that oral fixation thing that I also believe plays into this but where does this urge come from? Why is it that there are men who would rather jump into a volcano “suddenly” deciding that they need to suck cock? Now, whether they come (no puns yet) to like the shit out of it or not depends on some stuff but many a newbie who has sucked my dick – and despite that moral prohibition being planted deep in the minds – has said that they knew they weren’t supposed to do it… but they had to and, nope, didn’t understand why and, well, sorry dude – I don’t understand it either and I’ve, um, I’ve sucked a few dicks in my time.

I used to say that no man wakes up one morning and decides that today is a good day to suck a dick… and I had to admit that I was wrong about that and, worse, I didn’t know what made me wrong in my early assessment but, yep, I was wrong about that and now I had to rethink all of this and, in those early days, I was coming (still no puns) up with more questions than I was finding the answers to although I was seeing where differing kinds of emotional stress could pile up on a guy to make him say that, you know, today is a good day to find out what this dick sucking thing is between men.

I’d wind up saying and confessing that I really don’t know where this damned urge comes from… but I know it exists and it is very damned real; it wasn’t all that “hard” (still no puns) to intuit that if I knew this urge was constantly kicking my ass, there was no way that I was the only guy in existence who were trying to deal with it whenever it showed up for them. Guys ask why is it so damned satisfying to suck cock and swallow cum… and I know why… but I don’t know why… and I do know that it is very damned satisfying. Oral fixation can explain some or a lot of it but, nah, not completely but it always “suffices” to say that despite it being immoral, sucking dick and swallowing semen feels good… because it’s supposed to and the urge to do it just is what it is and now it’s all comes (yeah, you know) down to whether a guy is going to give into the urge or ignore it. For men who have the urge but haven’t been able to “answer the call,” many of them speak to how utter frustration it is to not be able to suck cock and especially married men.

One such guy told me, “Man, this shit is eating me alive inside!” and I felt so sorry for him but I also understood exactly what he meant; the urge to suck cock is powerful and almost beyond belief but being the ever-curious person I’ve always been, trying to get to the root and that thing or things that, when observed, explains it once and for all has been, um, not easy but since I felt that wanting to have sex with a man is just a part of the nature of the beast – being male and human – well, it’s the only thing that makes sense, well, to me and the only thing standing between giving into the urge is… our morality, which is also “strong with The Force” and can make the most eager cocksucker-to-be sit on the porch and do nothing… and get eaten alive by it one tiny piece at a time.

Then it gets worse because the urge can never really be satisfied. Guys suck cock for the first time and now they find themselves dealing with an even greater urge: Suck more dick. Don’t let anything stop you from sucking more dick. Any dick will do. Guys have asked me about this and I have told them, “I have no idea why this is… I just know it is.” That’s the short version and even a little white lie because I have a fair to middling idea why it is so damned compelling but, yeah, it’s just too much brain power trying to make total sense of it, let alone explain it – and as I’m doing here – without sound like I’ve lost whatever mind I have or had.

The people who’d hate on us because we suck cock, well, they don’t get it. Again, they firmly believe that the tenets of our morality should be proof against such urges and I’m thinking they really need to wake up and get to snorting the coffee because, obviously, it ain’t working and it’s never worked. I have opined that this prohibition was put in place to stop a behavior that was “running rampant” in the first place; to me, it just didn’t make sense that our morality was written the way it was to stop or prevent something from potentially happening, you know, like heading something off at the pass. No: It was written to stop men from having any kind of sex with each other because it wasn’t making babies – and I’ve read a lot of stuff written by experts in the field that supports my “theory” of why our morality says what it does about it.

The urge just is. It either shows up in our youth – that “I was born this way” thing – or there are other life events that happens to, literally, wakes the “sleeping giant” that just lives inside of us. A guy says, “I know I wouldn’t like doing that!” and, okay, how do you know you wouldn’t? Oh, that’s right: You were told not to ever do it or like it. But then and for some reason, they wind up doing it and, holy shit: Why didn’t I do this before now? A lot of guys experience some “culture shock” because they just found out that all that shit they were told about this – and believed – wasn’t quite right. All that noise about such things being abnormal sexual behavior was also not all that right and as evidenced by the many men I personally heard say that suck my dick felt… normal and natural.

Well, now – one of those things can’t be right… and I’ve been of a mind that it’s our morality that isn’t right. I understand – or I think I do – why our morality is the way it is about this but, again, even I learned that human nature has a hell of a lot more power than our morality can bring to bear. It reminds me of the old joke where a woman somehow wound up being naked and one guy says to the other not to look because if he does, he’s going to be blinded… and the other guy says that he’d risk one eye. And very likely because he can’t not look… so it kinda stands to “reason” that a guy being hammered by the urge does reason that it’s worth the risk and punishments that are attached and promised – and carried out in some cultures – to give into the urge and suck cock and acquire the taste.

Because it feels pretty damned good to do that. Many men – and myself included – find it to be horribly satisfying and more intimate than having that cock in our backside. Oral fixation? Probably… but maybe not the “whole answer” of why giving into the urge feels as good as it does and, yeah, provided there’s no external drama spoiling things. I’ve learned that the urge can be so bothersome that we wind up jumping through a lot of hoops and concocting some stuff that, at the individual level, justifies giving into the urge even when so many of us have no idea why we get it in the first place. You either give into it or you don’t. It’s either the greatest sexual thing you’ve ever done or it isn’t. The urge seems to… fuck with some men in that they might experience it for the first time, just flat out hated it and have vowed to never do it again and the urge seems to go away… then it returns and its return ain’t even mild or timid and it really does tend to fuck some guys up and in some not-so-interesting ways… unless you happen to be like me and sitting back taking copious notes.

As you can see, the urge is very real and very damned powerful… and I can’t really explain why it is – I just know that it is. I feel it even as I’m writing this. I know/knew a lot of guys who have been bitch-slapped by it and, yeah, seemingly out of nowhere and if they wound up sucking dick, getting even more bitch-slapped by a lot of other things on top of, shit, that made me feel so goddamned good… and it wasn’t supposed to… but it did. What the fuck is going on with this shit?

I dunno. I just know that it is. It’s a part of us that gets awakened early on or lies dormant and waiting for something to happen that provides the wakeup call. Sometimes, it never gets awakened and, nope, no idea why it doesn’t but a lot of men just never get a whiff of the urge and maybe, for them, the moral prohibitions do serve to keep human nature at bay. I’m just the cocksucking bi guy who’ll tell you that not all men are immune to this… and I greatly expect that not all women are immune to the urge to be that intimate with other women since, um, way back in the day, one woman said to another, “You wanna do something cool? Lie down and let me show you something…” and that’s just as much a part of female genetic memory as the urge men get to get some dick but in any of this, it’s all about having reasons or other causes because accepting that it’s a part of our nature is a bit much to swallow (okay, pun intended this time). It is too much like right; it’s too “simple” an answer because there just has to be some other reason why I’d gleefully want to take another man’s dick in my mouth and work it over until he cums… then swallow it.

And I honesty believe that there is no other reason. The morality gets shoved to the side because the urge “demands” it. Human nature’s version of, “Do it, or else!” and the “else,” for many men, is having to go through a lot of mental effort to keep warding off the urge. A lot men who feel it really do want it to go away and leave them the hell alone… only to be told – and to find out – that, nope, it’s not going anywhere and it’s “content” to sit back in the cut and wait for its moment to bitch-slap the hell of out them and get them sucking dick. Why? Still don’t know why and I’ll never find out…

I just know two things. It’s real and it is powerful and hard to resist. Giving into it – even as an experiment – will either give it more power or, bleh, tried it and it was okay or it wasn’t – keep it moving but even in some of these guys, they will grudgingly admit that the urge to do it again is hiding out in the back of their minds and poking at them to find a dick and suck it and the sooner, the better. So disturbingly right in its wrongness. Makes the guys who said they’d never do it do a lot of backpedaling because they did it and trying to convince themselves that they didn’t like it while knowing that they did or trying to downplay the fact that they liked the shit out of it. Blame it on the alcohol. Being “weak” to have given into the urge.

Unwilling to accept that the urge to suck cock is deeply imbedded in us because way back when, two men figured this out and other men learned this “trick,” too. In modern times, consider to be a gay thing to do and, if you wanna be “technical” about it, sure – it’s a gay thing… but not all men who suck cock are gay, are they? So much for gay men owning this 100%, huh?

Sigh. We – men – suck cock because we see reason to and the urge just wakes up – on its own or is made to wake up – and whispers in our “ear,” “You need to suck cock. Do it as soon as you can make it happen and the sooner the better.” Hey, Billy – you wanna do something cool? Lemme see your dick and I’ll show you!” And I will never know why this is beyond what I think I know about the urge…

And understanding that I could be wrong… and that I might not be.

 
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Posted by on 15 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: It Doesn’t Count

Today, I’m going to scribble about one of my pet peeves when it comes to male bisexuality: Guys who jumped in the pool early in life but, in their adult lives, insist that what they did back then didn’t count or it didn’t mean anything.

One of the things I got into the habit of doing – and when interacting with another guy – is to ask them how they got started in this because, for one, I’m forever curious about a bisexual guy’s origins and, for the other, what they say about their origins tells me a lot about where their head is in this point in time. And I have heard so many men say that, yep, when they were younger, they fooled around with a friend, this or that happened but then qualify the activity as inconsequential – it didn’t happen; it didn’t mean anything or what they did then had nothing to do with whatever they wanted to do now.

I’ll admit that something about this, in the earlier adult times, went right over my head; I’d listen to guys telling me this and never got that, “Something ain’t quite right” message from Brain Central but I guess that over time – and after hearing this too many times, I’d reached a tipping point, got the message, and it prompted me to ask them, “Wait – why didn’t it count?” And the answers I’d get were of a kind that would get me doing that rapid blinking thing which was, for me, an indication that what they said didn’t make sense. Okay… what the hell is going on with this? Time to investigate!

Yeah… I probably didn’t have to; I could have just accepted their position that “it didn’t happen” and kept it moving but it really caught my attention – and because I liked to compare my origins against those of other guys – that even though I got started early, I never drew lines between what I did when I was young and what I was doing as an adult. To me, it was all and more of the same but for a lot of guys, nope – sure wasn’t. I was becoming aware of that “putting away childish things” thing that I would hear at church and combined with how our legal system (in the US) draws a big line between what one got in trouble for as a juvenile and whatever trouble they got into as an adult and, depending on the crime committed, one’s juvie record either got sealed… or wiped out of existence. Whatever you did didn’t happen. Slate wiped clean.

Hmm.

I would hear guys offer up the “I/We didn’t know what I/we were doing” defense; I’ve heard them explicitly state that because no cum was spilled, it didn’t happen or, for those who got exposed to anal sex, because no one could accomplish penetration, nothing happened. One guy I was talking to told me about his adventures in cocksucking and how he had, like me, gotten hooked on it the first time he did it and just couldn’t get enough of doing it… but insisting that whatever he did back then not only didn’t count but it didn’t mean anything… and I wish you could have seen the look on my face when he said that. How the fuck can you do a thing, know you did it – and did it a lot – but sit here and tell me that it doesn’t count and it didn’t mean anything… when the reason why we’re sitting here and talking about this is because we want to suck each other’s dicks?

Okay, something really ain’t quite right… but I couldn’t figure out what was making it not right. In my way of seeing all of this, if you sucked a guy’s dick – and whether cum was involved or not – you did it; you had his dick in your mouth and, at some point, figured out what to do with it being there (and sometimes with a little help) but no matter how it turned out, you did it. It happened. Maybe it was a one-time thing back then but here we are, right now, talking about doing something that you admit that you did… but telling me either it didn’t really happen, it didn’t mean anything other than youthful experimentation, or it doesn’t count because what you did back then gets the slate wiped clean once you become a legal adult.

When the anti-bisexual crowd gets to talking about us being in denial about really being gay, what they don’t know is that a lot of us are very much in denial about what we did when we were younger because, as an adult, we just strangely seem to determine that what we did then has nothing to do with what we’re doing now or wanting to do. Maybe it’s a part of that “putting away childish things” stuff that’s in the bible and probably a part of all the major religions. We are in the habit of telling people who we think are doing something childish to grow up and act like the adult you’re supposed to be instead of the child you once were and, well, okay, if this – and the other stuff I’d heard along these lines – is what’s really going on, I get it… and I don’t because once you do a thing, it cannot ever be undone… but you can act as if it never happened. Didn’t mean anything of any consequence. Just because you did it back then doesn’t mean shit in the here and now.

Wow, huh? I’ve heard guys invoke this by saying, “We were just experimenting so that didn’t mean anything because we didn’t know what we were doing!” Um, really dude? I get that we do, in fact, give “youngsters” a pass on experimentation. We would prefer that they not get into this – and not everyone did – but, okay, if you do, at some point, you are expected, required, and demanded to cease and desist and, oh, shit, forget that you even went there.

I’d run into guys who would “suck the black off my dick” and masterfully so and I’d be baffled and more so when, before the fact, they’d say that this is their first time but after further review, uh, no – it really wasn’t because they’d sucked dick when they were younger but, nope, that didn’t count toward them being able to artfully blow my brains out. I had to allow for the fact that some newbies were just “naturals” at it and without any prior experience and some would “research” how to give a blow job and execute the information they gained with perfection or close enough for government work…

But a lot of guys I had sex with would, in essence, lie about this being their first time or, it might be their first time as an adult but it wasn’t the first time they had a dick in their mouth and with or without getting a mouthful of cum. And while many would very grudgingly admit that, yeah, it happened back then, many would continue to insist that whatever they did during the “experimental phase” didn’t count. Never happened. Didn’t mean a damned thing.

And are you really fucking kidding me? I know well the shame that goes along with having sex with another guy and more so when I’d have sex with a guy and feel quite wonderful but ashamed of myself for doing it in the first place. It bothered the shit out of me and, yeah, I got to digging around to find out how and why I could feel both good and very shitty at the same time but as I worked on making sense of this, yeah, I could see how having committed this particular mortal sin could “convince” a guy that the way to “make up” for it is to, well, say that it never happened. I was young and dumb back then, didn’t really know what I was doing, yada, yada, and even if I admit that it happened, what I did then has no bearing on what I’m doing now.

Again, are you fucking kidding me? Then there were/are the guys who “experimented” in college, boarding school, some other such institution and while those guys would admit that, yeah, they did some stuff, some of them were of a mind that what they “experimented” with during this phase of their life, well, it happened… didn’t mean anything. When I’d ask them why it didn’t mean anything, more often than not, the “excuse” would be rather classic: In college, away from home and friends, sharing a room with another guy or guys; trying to date and screw college girls not all that successful; being in a moment where they and the roommate (or roommates) were drowning their sorrows on a Saturday night and lamenting over their inability to get a date and/or some pussy and, well, much beer or booze was consumed, one thing led to another and, yeah, it happened… but that was then and this is now.

Even blaming it on the alcohol doesn’t change the fact that you did whatever you did… but I finally got to understand a bit about how we think and that ability to convince ourselves that something like this didn’t happen or mean anything even though we damned well know that it did happen and it meant, if nothing else, you got your balls emptied. One could regret being, ah, depleted in whatever way it happened and even I had learned that it’s easy to regret a thing – and then go on like it never happened or didn’t mean anything, well, right up until I learned that once you do a thing, it can never be undone… but we can mindfuck ourselves into believing otherwise.

It’s a bit of a very lame excuse and a way to tip-toe around the fact that when you were a young whippersnapper, you got caught up in the “excusable” experimentation phase of sex with your male friends. Ya might not have known anything about sex and you might have been feeling some kind of way finding yourself in a game of “Show Me Yours” and some touching happening and mouths replacing hands and fingers. You could very well have no idea what you or they were doing other than it was wrong to do it, but unless you did what a lot of guys would do when asked do show me yours – and that would be hauling ass like the devil himself was chasing you – you didn’t know what was going on… but you figured it out and your partner in crime did, too, and provided that he wasn’t that one guy that somehow already knew about this.

Guys would admit that, yeah, it felt weird but it felt good, too, but if it got to feeling too good, um, stop. We need to stop right now. I get that one, too; there’s feeling good and then there’s feeling too good which is really the onset of getting ready to ejaculate and even if nothing is gonna come out in that moment, which neatly lends itself to the many guys who said that they sucked dick (or got sucked) but because no sperm was involved (either way), it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t happen. Doesn’t have anything to do with what is preferred in the here and now. Guys would admit to feeling ashamed and guilty after the fact and, well, yeah, I knew what that felt like but the difference between me and them is that no matter how guilty I felt, I never denied that it happened or acted like it didn’t mean anything then or after I became an adult. I have even heard guys insist that because they didn’t like whatever happened, it didn’t count.

I was learning how easy it was to mindfuck ourselves, not only to plunge ourselves into the pit of denial but to absent ourselves from the ever-present moral and social angst associated with the taboo and sin of having sex with another guy during the experimental phase of early sexual behavior… because people are gonna look at you unkindly because you did it and it wouldn’t matter if you liked it or not so, yup, it’s easy to invoke, “I have no knowledge of those events, Your Honor” – pleading the fifth while knowing the truth and then, being very unwilling to accept it, let alone tell it, which, to me, doesn’t make a lot of sense when a guy would do this… and we’re negotiating to have sex with each other.

This doesn’t bother me as much as it used to but, yeah, it bugs the shit out of me because one of the things I learned that a bisexual guy has to be able to do in order to be okay with themselves is to admit, even to themselves, that they did, in fact, do whatever they did and to understand that how that might have turned out doesn’t change the fact that it happened and, yes, it was something I had to learn as well… but I was smart enough to have figured this out before I was a legal adult and for me to say or insist that I wasn’t up to my eyeballs having sex with boys and that it never happened, well, I was lying to myself as well as telling that same lie to anyone who would ask about my experience in these things. I did it. Either enjoyed the living daylights out of it or I didn’t. Did it a lot. Yeah, that first time? Not a clue about what I agreed to do… figured it out very, very quickly along with a bit of verbal instruction. Holy shit! Boy, does this ever feel good!

Even if I wasn’t of a mind to let “everyone” know about this, I knew the truth of my younger days. It meant a lot since it was very much part of my development and growth as a male bisexual. Call it experimentation but for one to experiment with something, um, doing it is the best way to experiment and more so when even my young and intelligent mind had yet to learn about researching a thing before beginning any experiments but, yeah, if you experiment, you’re doing something and to stick with scientific stuff, it really doesn’t matter if the results were conclusive or not – whatever took place during the experiment took place… and you still can’t undo it. If the experiment failed, yep, it gets “documented” that it did fail and maybe epically so and, yup, failure is a thing that is hard to accept and best left forgotten and never to be mentioned… and just easier to say that it didn’t happen, didn’t mean shit, didn’t count and has no bearing on what the adult version of yourself wants to do now.

But for the many men who behave this way about whatever they did in their younger days, that it didn’t happen or mean anything is their answer, it’s locked in, and it’s their final answer. You might be able to get them to the, “Yeah, but…” moment which, classically, I’d say, is rife with a lot of excuses and difference which, when you really think about them, doesn’t make one bit of sense but, yeah, it’s what they thought and felt about it at the time it took place… and as an adult – and one who is expected to know better to keep on doing that shit – one’s thoughts are going to be different… but it never, ever changes the fact that whatever happened, happened.

I would see this very peculiar behavior a lot when I was growing up with this… and I’m still seeing in here in 2021. Guys insisting that whatever they did when they were younger didn’t mean shit because they didn’t know what they were doing or some other stuff. Ya might not have known what was going on when you did it… but you knew what you did as well as the fact that you shouldn’t have done it. I’ve even heard guys insist that it never happened because they didn’t enjoy it and, okay, I get that… it still happened, though. No sperm being issued? Whatever took place still happened. Guys insist that it was different then than it is now… and I’d love it if you were to think about that for a moment or two. I don’t know about anyone else but the only difference I’m aware of is going from childhood to adulthood and that inherent difference in how we think and all that… but you still did it and, um, sucking dick (the usual entry point for many a male bisexual) is still sucking dick.

So to categorically deny that it happened or lacked meaning, or that there’s some real and concrete difference in play, well, hmm, something ain’t quite right about that. But, I get it. I’m pretty sure I know why guys do this and that it involves putting away childish things and taking on the mantel of adulthood which excludes those childish things. It ties into screwing up and getting a juvie record and knowing or finding out that once you reach adult age – and depending on the severity of the crime committed – the slate gets wiped clean and as if whatever you did never happened… except, you know it did since, um, you got busted for it and repaid your debt to society in some way. It’s also “very much” about the guilt over doing something we know or wind up learning that boys aren’t supposed to do with each other. Uh-oh. Did I do that?

Yeah, you did, and it doesn’t really matter if you hated it or ran wild with it. Just because you stopped once you became an adult just does not ever wipe that particular slate clean because you cannot undo what has already been done. Ya might wish that you could – and lord only knows how many times I’ve wished that I hadn’t done it but, yeah, I did it. Can’t take it back. But not going to bullshit myself into believing that it didn’t mean anything or doesn’t count or has nothing to do with me being an adult. Some guys invoke, “That was then, this is now” and like that really has some profound meaning when, um, no, my man – it doesn’t except how you might think about what you did back in the day.

Hell, I can admit that my older self is often very embarrassed about how my younger self was batshit crazy over getting some dick and I cannot every deny that it didn’t happen to myself or to anyone who’d ask – and provided I want to tell them. There might be some stuff I did back then that I wouldn’t do today; I know the way I went about getting my “dick fix” back then isn’t the way I’d go about it today… but I still did it. It meant something then and now. With and without sperm being issued. Figured out early on what I was doing; oh, so this is what those old dudes meant about a blow job! I don’t know about the “blowing” part when it’s more sucking than blowing but, okay, this is some good shit and shit that, if I didn’t know anything else, I knew I shouldn’t be doing… and did it anyway. Still doing it. And the only thing that changed is that I grew up and learned a lot of shit about this bisexual thing along the way.

I think that a part of this self-induced and adult perception also ties in to our longly-held believe that youngsters are too young to know anything about sex and that they shouldn’t. Yeah, right… sure we are and we don’t and we don’t experiment in these things and, yeah, sometimes, because we were told not to experiment with sex lest we get ourselves in a world of trouble. Ah, but if you do – and provided you don’t get caught – when you get old enough – and read this as being of age to be a legal adult – you will neither confirm nor deny that you did this and insist that it never happened, didn’t mean anything, and definitely does not count toward any adult behaviors and those behaviors that says that you know better than to be having sex with other males – if you didn’t know it then (and I’m pretty sure we all did), you know it now.

It’s just weird that we do this. It makes me get that look on my face to hear guys insist that they were totally ignorant about whatever put them on the bisexual path. Again, they might not have known what was going on but, at some point, they either figured it out or was told about it; yeah, when you put your mouth on another guy’s prick, that’s giving him a blow job and that means sucking dick. It’s even odder when I hear guys invoke this and with the qualifier that nobody shot a load of sperm as a result of this and since it didn’t, well, you know… but if it did happen, well, now, that changes some stuff. In this, a lot of guys aren’t going to deny that they did it but now it’s a matter of whether or not they liked or dislike the taste of semen in their mouth but they won’t deny that they didn’t do it… but I came (no pun) to understand that this… disconnect comes from an adult view of things more than anything else. It is… morally embarrassing to admit that you had a guy’s dick in your mouth and he shot a load of sperm into it and now whether it “really happened” or not depends on how that moment was accepted and, yeah, implying that how you reacted to this back then is now being seen in a different light as an adult. I get that, too, and more so when I would catch myself applying adult concepts to something I did when I was running around getting my dick fix… but no matter what I thought about what I did back then, um, I did it. I can deny that I did to those who I feel doesn’t have a need to know… but I can’t ever deny that I did a lot of this in my youthful debauchery or that it didn’t mean anything… and that it didn’t count because now I’m an adult.

It’s one of the things that makes me say that the psychology is fascinating. Guys are “Guilty with an excuse, Your Honor!” and the excuses, at least to adult minds and thinking, well, okay, that doesn’t make any sense… still doesn’t change the fact that you did it and it doesn’t matter if you enjoyed it or not and, no, the lack of semen has no bearing on the matter nor does the inability to achieve anal penetration has any bearing on things. You tried it. It failed. Trying can be construed as doing albeit with negative results. Dick met anus; entry was denied despite multiple attempts. Objection sustained. Next question/excuse. I have heard guys actually say that they didn’t mean to do what they did (or whatever was done to them) and since they didn’t mean to do it, nope – doesn’t count.

And every time I hear this, I feel myself doing that slow blink thing which makes my eyebrows try to get to the top of my head. What you mean it didn’t count or didn’t mean anything? Um, weren’t you there? Okay, maybe you really didn’t know what you were doing at the time but do you really want me to believe that you didn’t figure or find out what it was that took place… and more so if you did it again and, um, quite a bit at that?

If you insist that it didn’t happen or otherwise pleading the fifth and that it didn’t mean nothing because it was just experimentation, okay, I really do get it but I do wonder why we do this when we know good and damned well that we did it. It meant something to us one way or the other. If we didn’t know, we found out pretty quick so claiming ignorance, well, how does that work? No semen being produced or issued isn’t an excuse. If you are into that putting away childish things thing, I get that, too, but if you insist that you weren’t the duck you were quacking like back in the day, well, why are you lying to yourself and trying to convince others who knew or learned this about you that it is of no consequence. I was young and dumb so it didn’t happen. Slate wiped clean upon reaching adulthood.

Um, no. Not then and not now. Not being of a mind to do such a thing being adult does not erase the fact that you did it when you weren’t an adult. If often say to myself that if I knew then what I know now, well, things might have happened and turned out differently… or not. It’s often “fun” to think like this but like I said earlier, when I get to thinking about the shit I got myself into in my younger days? Embarrasses the shit out of me. Cock crazy to the nth degree and right along with being just as insane about pussy. Definitely would not behave like that as an adult… but never in any form of denial about doing what I did. It happened. It meant something. It counted. It is what it was and I’m okay with that…

But a lot of guys aren’t and I understand why they feel this way even though I think they shouldn’t – but that’s me. There are differences like the adult me knows some shit that the younger me hadn’t learned – yet – and I know some shit as an adult that my younger self wouldn’t have been able to imagine. There are things that my younger self did that when I think about how… careless and implusive I was back then, I sure as fuck wouldn’t do them today… but, yep, I did it just the same and I do understand how difficult it can be to admit to yourself that you did it and to whatever degree you did and now your adult mind is trying to assimilate this… while thinking in an adult way and the easiest way to deal with this is to deny that it happened and to qualify that denial with some stuff that, on the real, changes nothing…

Because once you do a thing, it cannot be undone. You can regret doing it and that’s fine… but whatever happened still happened. You can invoke and maintain that once you became an adult, you put away childish things and this sexual experimentation is part of those childish things… but to behave as if your sexual slate got wiped clean and back to virginal condition because you’re all grown up now?

Yeah… something ain’t right about that. I really do respect guys who think and feel this way even if I don’t agree with their assessment and I took some pains to be able – or attempt to – understand this weird thing some of us do… but it’s still a pet peeve of mind because even if you can claim that you didn’t know what you were doing back then, you sure as fuck know it now… and, yeah, are you really going to try to make me believe that even back then, you weren’t smart enough to figure it out or continued to have zero knowledge about what you did? Jeez, I hope not because if that was really the case, something is seriously wrong, I think. Tried or did it in college but in the here and now it is of no consequence and has no meaning? Really? How is that even possible?

Oh, yeah – we can mindfuck ourselves into believing that it meant nothing or that what you did then has no bearing on what you’d do now. It makes us… comfortable with what we did back in the day. Kinda eases the guilt that can be felt about committing a sin but one that one can get a pass on under the experimentation clause. It’s okay. Not gonna mean anything once you stop experimenting – and you will stop or else (and I have no idea what adults meant by that). You will go forward as if none of that ever happened. Go ye forth and adult and never return to the days of your youth and the time where your hormones were off the scale and making you susceptible to such immoral behaviors. It didn’t happen. Didn’t mean squat. Doesn’t count even if you never really stopped getting some dick or you took a leave of absence from it and now your back for some reason.

The reality and the truth says otherwise. You don’t have to admit it to everyone but when you do, don’t act like what you did back then got wiped clean or otherwise pleading the fifth or citing differences which make no difference. If you experimented with sex with males, okay, that was a “childish” thing that, as an adult, probably is best forgotten but, nah, not really because you know it did and making excuses for doing it doesn’t make much sense since you’re not the only one who experimented with this and no matter how it turned out. Hating yourself for doing it? Understandable. We’re taught to not do it and hate it if it happens… and even if it felt amazing in the doing. Let the guilt be upon thee from this day forth and thou shalt not ever do this again because you should know better if you didn’t know better before. Pass issued…

But the reality and truth revokes that pass, doesn’t it? And if you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…” just ask yourself why this popped into your head and maybe you’ll better understand what all this scribbling was about… then ask yourself if what comes after the “but” makes any reason sense.

I’m out.

 
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Posted by on 13 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Friend With Benefits

For bisexual men, this is the Holy Grail to be able to find that one guy that they can be friends – and more than friends – with. That guy who, if you’re sitting and watching TV or just hanging out, you could say, “Hey, lemme suck your cock!” and he just smiles and whips it out then kicks back to enjoy the moment – that goes for any other sexual interaction and not just blowjobs but, yeah, a lot of guys want that one guy they can be friendly and very sexual with and, ideally, without all the drama and other shit that goes along with having to ask and convince a guy that having sex isn’t going to be something that will be regretted.

On the forum, the fellas talk about this… a lot. Whine, moan, groan, and complain about not being able to find that one guy. When sexual safety is the topic, the FWB seekers always chime in and give the guys who are okay with casual sex da bizness and chirping about how horribly unsafe that is and that it’s safer to have an FWB.

I sit back and watch this going on and, well, you know me: I want to get to the root of this to see what’s really going on and what I found is, well, interesting. Okay, so, when I first heard about this – and actually from women who had a friend who was more than just someone they knew in that casual sense, I worked out that the premise of having a friend with benefits was to be able to have all of the perks but none of the responsibilities that are involved in an actual relationship. Okay, I can see how that would and can work since being in a relationship – and as we all know and learn – can be a major pain in the ass and one that, if you could avoid those pitfalls, yeah, that’ll work.

I’d say that “version 1.0” of this had no stipulations for exclusivity and I looked at it as a “confirmed booty call,” to put it that way but, really, it was a thing that if the two people in this decided to see each other, they could hang and do other social things and if sex was on the menu, fine. Not a problem. See you when I see you. If nothing else, it was… convenient. One could have more than one friend because FWB bypasses the “monogamy clause” that everyone who is in a relationship is bound to, married or not. No limit to the number of friends you can have and, um, no limit to the number of friends one can have, either.

The running joke among those of us in the know is that when someone says they were talking to or hanging out with their friend, that some boots were getting knocked was going on since one of the long-standing rules says that it’s bad juju to have sex with a friend… but given that FWBs are special friends, that’s just another way to bypass the monogamy clause. I often wondered why people with friends just didn’t say they were getting their freak on with their part-time lover but, yeah, I know why – that would tell others that they’re getting laid (and usually a lot) and, well, that’s none of their business so let it suffice that they have a friend and you can think whatever you wanna think about that.

I found that an FWB could be more than just a dedicated booty call; they could, if arranged as such, be involved in other aspects that are also included as part of being in an actual relationship, like, helping out with repairs and stuff like that. But the defining aspect about FWB 1.0 was that there was no need for exclusivity to be implied or mandated but if things settled in like that, okay – not that big of a deal. All of this was, to me, becoming more of a thing that I started seeing it as one of the relationship modes and just as valid as the others are. Better than just being single and having to “sing for your supper” and dealing with all the bullshit and drama of dating but not as complicated as being married or shacking up with someone. All of the perks. None of the responsibilities. Definitely none of the drama about cheating on each other since FWBs are de facto free agents and more so when they’re not tied down with each other.

If it works, then it does. But in the world of male bisexuality, I was seeing a trend where guys were on the hunt for an FWB and making exclusivity a hard-set condition. Not in every case but I was hearing from other guys about having a friend that was getting too clingy – which isn’t supposed to happen since one getting into their feelings was grounds for the FWB relationship to end quick, fast, and in a damned hurry. Likewise, I was hearing from guys with an FWB about how bothersome it was to find themselves getting bitched out by their FWB for stuff like not being available to them when the FWB wanted the dick or, worse, giving them much grief because the FWB found out that his source of dick was out there giving the dick to other guys and not understanding that they could do that because, dude – I ain’t your boyfriend and we’re not in a real relationship.

Now, one of the things that has been a big part of male bisexuality is being able to get some dick in the preferred way without having to be bothered with anything that looks or smells like a relationship. In earlier times, a relationship was just too gay of a thing for most sensibilities or guys just didn’t want to be bothered with all the shit that comes with being in a relationship and for guys who were already in a relationship, having to deal with a second relationship was just too much to be bothered with; being in a relationship was bad enough but trying to juggle two relationships? Oh, hell, no! I just want to get some dick, have fun getting it, and go back to what I was doing and, yeah, without any strings attached.

FWB 2.0.1 – the male bisexual version – comes with strings. I get to see the preferences some guys have for their ideal FWB and when you get past some… bullshit, they don’t want that one guy they can be friends with and have sex – they actually want someone who is going to be invested and committed to them in their role of FWB. I wondered about this since such a twist in the FWB relationship model – and as I understood it – is just incompatible with the premises of the model so, as such, what’s really going with this push for committed exclusivity? It took me a while to figure it out and why those greatly in favor of having a committed FWB felt the way they did:

The only allowable sex is relationship sex. Part of the way things are supposed to be and according to our morals and, hmm, even if one is being morally immoral by being bisexual. Well, ain’t that something? I even wondered about that, too, and I saw that when it comes to these things, we tend to go with that which we know rather than to get into something we don’t know anything about and if we don’t know anything else, we know how relationships are supposed to go. I dug deeper and the sin of fornication got uncovered and I thought, okay, I get it (and not that I didn’t already but hang in here with me); a lot of guys whooping and hollering about having a dedicated and committed FWB being the best way to get some dick always cites how fucked up it is to engage in casual sex and, yeah, throwing the disease card around with near reckless abandon and while this is a real thing to be concerned about, well, there are some flaws in this that I also saw that these guys weren’t aware of…

And I also saw how… lazy those looking for an FWB were being. As I previously wrote some time ago, there are like 350 million adult males in the US alone and now we have a guy looking for his Mr. Right among those 350 million men and, well, do the math and more so when those searching for Mr. Right have some very specific qualifications that must be met and without exception. Then tack on the thing where those who are looking for Mr. Right aren’t willing to do whatever has to be done in order to find him… like getting out there and having casual sex with other men or, as I facetiously call it, “interviewing” men for the FWB job. Personally? I’ve found my “fair share” of FWBs… because we could establish this and because we had sex – casually – and found it to be to our liking and, yup, we need to be able to do this more often but without any strings attached. No pressure and no drama; if one of us was too busy to hang out, no big deal – I’ll see ya when I see ya and, yep, when I see you, the sex is going to be fucking amazing. But I could hang out with my FWB without sex being on the list of things to do since, because we had sex, we also became friends as well and the benefits were, at the least, implied if not mandated. If I knew my FWB could help me work on my car, I’d give him a call and if he was available, he’d show up and we’d get all greasy and sweaty working on the car and after we got done, he could go on about his business and there would be no griping about not having sex.

It seems to me, however, that there are a lot of bisexual men who are making the base FWB model more complicated than it’s supposed to be or as it was intended to be and the reason I discovered was that “allowable sex” clause that governs what is moral sex and what isn’t and, again, any sex that is outside of a relationship is considered to be the sin of fornication. It’s what we know and even if one isn’t aware that having sex outside of a relationship is a real-deal sin but I don’t know how someone would not know this because even I was told to never have sex with someone that I didn’t love or care for – and the relationship aspect was most definitely implied.

Now, I’m not saying that FWB 2.0.1 is a bad thing since it does, in a kind of backhanded way, satisfies the “thou shalt not fornicate” part of our morality but these days, when a guy is looking for a Mr. Right, he’s really looking for a boyfriend who he can have sex with in a less than casual kind of way… and exclusively so. There’s a big-time problem with this: Married men and guys already in a non-married relationship. This isn’t about infidelity so much as it exposes a flaw in the mindset where this is safer than picking up some guy at the local bar. See, a lot of guys are of the mind that having an FWB allows them to escape the sexual health issues… and it actually doesn’t and for one simple reason: When he’s not with you, you don’t know where his dick has been. For married men, okay – you have a duty and obligation to lay the pipe to your woman and if things are still like that so, yeah, you get a pass on that one but, as I’ve been hearing about, a lot of guys get bent out of shape if their FWB is discovered to be laying the pipe to, well, anyone else other than them. They think this is the safest way to go…

And they’re wrong about that. And, try as I may, I can’t get them to understand that. Married men, in particular and specifically, tend to prefer other married men but if a single guy can meet the requirements for FWB 2.0.1, well, okay, but, hmm, if he’s single, that means he’s free to sling his dick with anyone he wants to and whether it’s with their own FWB or not. I get that a lot of bisexual men are becoming more relationship-minded and, again, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing… but it remains to be true that the majority of bisexual men just do not want to be bothered with anything that looks or feels like a relationship. Let’s just go somewhere and have sex and leave it at that. If it was all that, yeah, I might wanna get some more of it but if it doesn’t happen, okay, fine – plenty of other dicks out there to be had.

I’m learning that in some situations, FWBs get clingy and for good reasons. For one, the sex is very good and for the other, the power of sex has unlocked them and their feelings. I know that my protege loses his shit whenever one of his FWBs starts to get clingy and even making unreasonable demands on his time and other activities and I’ve pointed out to him whenever he gets miffed by an FWB’s clinginess that if they get this way, it’s because of his ability to bring the noise to them in bed and in ways that will, ultimately, unlock their feelings and, as such, a more exclusive arrangement, as far as they’re concerned, is warranted and implied: They now want to be his boyfriend and with all the relationship responsibilities in play and being enforced.

Yeah… there are a lot of guys who don’t even want to be bothered with this. Cityman asks, and justifiably so, “Why can’t we just get together, share a meal, have a couple of drinks, then have sex if we want to – and without making it any more complicated?” It is a damned good question. We should be able to do this and without “the usual” complications but it goes back to what we know how to do better than we can do anything else: Be in a relationship and under the auspices of what being in a relationship means, implies, and mandates – and that brings on some responsibilities as well and one of those mandates is being monogamous and no infidelity is allowed. And if you understand the “original premise” of FWB, perhaps you can see how FWB 2.0.1 has… bugs in it and debugging it, well, let’s just say that I wouldn’t want to be bothered with doing that. It makes getting some dick even more complicated and more so if one part of the arrangement is getting into his feelings and the other part, well, they ain’t feeling that so much if at all. I very much recall Cityman telling me how one of his FWBs bitched him out for (1) having sex with another guy and (2) passing up the FWB for that and (3) not answering his calls so that the FWB could get that dick.

True enough, some guys do have FWBs and none of this relationship drama ever crops up… but it seems to me that it’s coming up more and more; I’m seeing where guys are feeling some kind of way when their FWB decides to move on or not be all that involved in this… and those guys behave just like they would if they got dumped by a woman and, yup, let even more drama begin. The thing I don’t think the guys clamoring and advocating FWB as a male bisexuality standard realize that, um, men aren’t women and trying to deal with other men in this way, well, that ain’t gonna work but this is another thing that, if we don’t know anything else, we do know how to go about dating women and trying to get them into our beds and, yeah, if there’s a woman who is willing to give up the booty but isn’t of a mind to be more relationship-minded about it, you can bet whatever you want to that there are men who ain’t feeling that either. I like to call it “repeat business” where you meet someone, agree to have sex and, wow, holy shit – that was fucking amazing and if we can do it again – and sooner rather than later – I wouldn’t object to that. Coming back for more of the same – and occasionally so or as the need calls for is nothing unusual… as long as it doesn’t get any more serious than that – and provided that level of seriousness would be problematic for someone like already being in a confirmed relationship or not being in one at all is the other person’s way to go about their life.

It’s not something that we don’t know about because it’s something we all have experience… because that’s just the way it goes. We do and continue to attach a great deal of shame and lay it on anyone who has the nerve to have sex with someone – or a lot of someones – and there’s no relationship in place. FWB 1.0 skirted this and rather neatly, I’d say but I also thought that one would be… stupid to think that they could be intimate with someone – even on an as-needed basis – and no other feelings would ever crop up and, as such, something more binding must be undertaken so that this semi-casual thing can be way more than that. I don’t know about anyone else but I know this FWB can be way deeper than some folks think it is. Some see it as being more… convenient that having to be out there and on the hunt for someone to have sex with… except, um, in order to be able to enjoy this convenience, you gotta go on the hunt for that one person who is of the same mind as you are about this. It kinda tickles me that guys are looking for Mr. Right… and in the same way women kinda/sorta do and, notably, not having sex on a first date and also requiring a level of having or feeling that attractive connection – aka, being into them – that is a must not only to establish a traditional relationshipbut also, now, to be someone’s FWB.

I get it… and it tend to make me laugh a lot if I’m not shaking my head and kinda stuck on stupid to see that these guys don’t seem to be aware of what they’re really asking for and seems to be mandating as a “hard set” rule for what it means to be male and bisexual. Again, at the root, relationship sex is good, non-relationship sex is very bad juju… and that fits nicely into our morality, doesn’t it as well as the push for levels of exclusivity that also plays into the monogamy clause that is mandated in our morality as well – just with a twist if the FWBs in question are already in a relationship. The thing I don’t think these guys are aware of comes in the form of something I heard long ago and something that took me a long time to make sense of:

Familiarity breeds contempt. On the surface, it doesn’t make sense and appears to be either a non-sequiter or an oxymoron – I could never tell which was which but that’s beside the point. But all I had to do was think about how relationships tend to go and the pure and simple fact that almost all relationships start with a big bang and, at some point, the honeymoon is over and thing settle down and the people involved become… indifferent about each other. Kinda hard to put into words but since I know there are those of you who have experienced this – and might be experiencing it now – you know what I’m talking about. The FWB model isn’t immune to this because no relationship can be. There are those who aren’t bothered by this aspect but they’re aware of it but, yeah, once the new wears off, things just get to be mundane, obligatory, and some measure of a pain in someone’s ass and just as the more traditional relationship models are subject to being dissolved – and sometime and maybe usually because familiarity does, indeed, breeds contempt – the FWB model is also subject to dissolution and more so when, duh, people do tend to change their minds about such things.

It served purposes to be someone FWB or to have one… and now it doesn’t. And, as such, it is subject to the same drama and chaos as breaking up with your wife or girlfriend can be… and I’ll be damned if I really understand why those who mandate FWB as the way to be would even want to be bothered with something that’s not really outside of being in a relationship to begin with. It’s not bad… but it’s not good either and many guys do not see being an FWB as being in a relationship at all…

And they’re wrong about that because being friends with someone – with or without benefits – is a relationship, too. It’s just a way to relate to and with someone that you, simply, like and get along with and with the understanding that friends do fuss and fight with each other and “kiss and make up,” too – or just part ways with no hard feelings or a lot of hard feelings. When the fellas start talking about whether you prefer an FWB or not, my answer is, “I prefer to have sex…” and whether it’s casual or not and I think I have a bit of an advantage because I know how to “juggle” multiple relationships thanks to 20+ years living a polyamorous life… and I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of guys begging for this who have no idea what’s involved. They understand the convenience of it and, yeah, they’re lazy about it and many behave like Mr. Right is just going to be handed to them and they don’t have to do anything to find and acquire their Mr. Right and, yes, they really do believe that this is the safest way to be bisexual.

What do you think?

 
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Posted by on 12 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: It’s Circular

Somewhere and long down the road after I started specifically writing about this, I realized that I often wind up repeating myself even though my “write whatever you’re thinking about” way of blogging often, I found, had me doing this but from a different direction… and that was bothering me for the longest time but I eventually stopped bugging about it because the therapeutic value of getting stuff out of my head was deemed to be greater than annoyingly repeating myself.

Stay with me on this.

I spent the last two days writing some seriously long and involved blogs about falling into the rabbit hole that is bisexuality and, as I wrote them, I was very aware that I wasn’t really saying anything that I haven’t said before… but the conversation and topic, I also saw as I wrote, is circular; it’s something that just keeps repeating itself because of the generational effect: Every generation that has ever existed and will exist will wind up addressing bisexuality from scratch. This cycle of repetition hit my awareness when, by pure chance, I was talking to a male bisexual from my parents’ generation and he was telling me about the same kind of stuff that I, in my generation, was hearing and coming into contact with.

He had said, “When it comes to this, young buck, the only thing that changes is the people being affected by this bullshit. I’ll give you credit – you figured this out before most guys your age – and from my generation – managed to do so kudos to you.” As I continued to plumb the depths, I saw that he was right on the money which gave birth to the question of why we – societies at large – keep failing to learn from history and with the thought that if we were to get our head out of our own asses and get to smelling some coffee, we could, in effect, break the cyclic and repetitive loop I had become aware of and had had confirmed from those from my parents’ generation.

Yeah… like we are really gonna do that; it’s too much like right. The older guy had pointed out that every generation takes bisexuality and diminishes the social angst a piece at a time or, as every generation “discovers” bisexuality, it becomes more and more acceptable to those in the next generation… and I’ll be damned if I didn’t find out that he was right about that and as evidenced by the much more relaxed attitude about bisexuality that can be seen by both the last and current generation who have and do make it less of a big deal than my generation made of it.

He pointed out to me that the sexual revolution I was all caught up with also took place in his generation and the only difference was my version of it was a hell of a lot more all in society’s face than his version was. He said, “Y’all are running around and saying, “If it feels good, do it!” and, yessir, pissing off a lot of stuffed shirts by blatantly putting sex and sexuality right out in the open for everyone to see… but our version of this was more… covert but, still, a similar message was making the rounds; call it, “If you want to do it, go ahead and do it.””

He also said, “As you get older, you’ll better be able to see this repeating itself and through every cycle, there will be those who will eat away at the social bullshit a bit more and the people arguing against this will become even more of a minority; those who are in favor of bisexuality will, in some way, let society know that, in no uncertain terms, people like us are here and are here to stay.”

And I’ll be damned if he was, again, right on the money. I’d had this conversation with him way back in the mid 1970s and I was impressed with his understanding about this as well as the candid, no sugar added way he talked to me about this. He said, “Young buck (and it was hard for me to get my dander up over this term), you and I are men who have learned that having sex with men and women isn’t as bad of a thing as everyone says it is and unless I’m wrong about you, you’re starting to see that there’s a reason why everyone keeps saying that this is bad. The good thing is that you’re questioning it and, again, unless I’m wrong about you, you’re also finding reason to keep bucking the system and doing your thing as you see fit and need to.”

Damn… am I really that transparent? Which wasn’t the point because without him saying so, I understood that in every generation, there’s someone like me who becomes aware of the shit that’s been going on and starts digging into it while shamelessly having sex with men and women, not with impunity as such but because of the growing and greater understanding that it’s been like this all along. I had spent my entire day sitting and talking to him and it was like getting a much-needed master class; not in how to have the sex but how to make sense of the repetitive nature of things and most definitely a matter of history repeating itself. I was… kinda stuck on stupid to hear him say that in his generation, a lot of men were primarily cocksuckers but anal sex was right up there as well. I continued to be stuck as he talked about the many manly men he encountered who, when the clothes came off and dicks got hard, were quite “feminine” in their approach to having sex and that such men were determined to be quite gay.

And here I was, thinking that I had stumbled across some stuff that no one knew anything about… and feeling pretty silly to find that, nope, what I was seeing (and doing) wasn’t anything new at all but just things repeating itself. We got to talking about women and bisexuality and after everything thing else he had opened my eyes to, I wasn’t surprised to learn that the women of his generation had to deal with the same bullshit the women of my generation was dealing with. He had said, “The biggest difference between my generation and yours is that the women of my generation weren’t of a mind to speak out about the abuses they were subjected to but were continuing to be bisexual even though they were considered sluts and lesbians.”

Well, damn. I had had an inkling of an idea that all of the crap I was hearing was actually “more of the same but in a different way” things and this guy confirmed this for me. He had me laughing when he said, “The only thing that hasn’t changed over all this time is the sex, well, at the very basic level. Cocks get sucked and asses get fucked; pussies get eaten, fingered, and ‘fucked’ with, ah, devices suited to that purpose. What doesn’t change, young buck, is the immature attitude that’s apparent when it comes to people taking care of their need for sex. Do you want another cup of coffee?”

Down the road, I’d think about that man. He wasn’t exactly a mentor but he was someone who filled in a lot of the gaps in my knowledge and understanding and, again, confirmed that, in more modern terms, bisexuality is caught in a causality loop that just keeps cycling in a very repetitive way that just keeps eating away at our perceptions of love, sex, and relationships… and, yeah, he had a lot to say about that last thing, too. He had said, “If two people are in a relationship but they need something their partner couldn’t – or wouldn’t – provide, stepping to the side and getting it was the only thing to do even though those who did that would often wind up in a world of moral trouble. I’d wager that you’re seeing the same things but it’s much more pronounced than it was in my generation, right?”

Um, yeah. I didn’t even bother to ask him how he knew this because, duh, he lived through it and, by his own admission, was all up in it and shamelessly so. He had said, “Believe it or not, I’m just like you… only older. I have experienced the same things you are experiencing and learning about except in some slightly different ways when it comes to people continuing to believe that everyone has to be, how to y’all put it, straight. I knew it wasn’t the truth and now you and the others of your generation are finding out that it isn’t the truth. Am I right or what?”

He nailed it. He nailed something else I had noticed: There were more guys wanting to find out what it was like to have sex with a man. He had said that he, too, had noted an “explosion” of men sleeping with men and, once we compared noted, almost for similar social reasons. He had said, “The people raising hell about homosexuality don’t seem to understand that when you put people in a bad place – like not being able to get a job and other such things – it’s just ‘human nature’ to want to have sex so when you told me about all the guys you know looking to have sex with you and other guys, you’re really not telling me anything I didn’t know already. It’s not your fault, young buck; this is me telling you that when you look at the big picture, nothing has really changed except for the fact that going both ways just gets a bit more acceptable and just keeps chipping away at the things that says that this should not ever happen. Am I right or what? I’ll be back – I gotta take a leak.”

I felt like my head was going to explode from having all of this knowledge and wisdom crammed into my head and felt some kind of way to finally understand that what I had been experiencing and learning was, truly, nothing new and that he was right when he said that the only thing that really changes are the people involved. The issues are the same for both sides of this argument; he had said, “It’s the same bullshit over and over but dig this: You can’t stop change from happening. You can slow it down but little by little, change is going to happen. One of these days – and when you’re an older buck like me – you will see change happening one step at a time and I’d say that you’ll also see more people like us – and just as I did when I was your age.”

I was wondering where he hid his crystal ball. I did, indeed, get older and was seeing the things he had mentioned decades before. It just keeps repeating itself but with the “strange” result that the more bisexuality stuff keeps repeating, the more it eats away at the moral sensibilities that are against such sexual behaviors. He had said, before I took my leave of him, “I’ll bet that you’re so much like me that one day, you’ll figure this out and just as I found myself doing. I don’t know what you can do about it once you figure it out but, again, if you’re like me, you’ll find a way to let others know that going both ways ain’t something new and that the issues about it are the same ones that also keep repeating themselves – just in different ways.”

So, um, if you’ve ever wondered why I repeat myself so much, now you know. I learned more from him over the course of a lot of hours than I had learned on my own. I was feeling… I don’t know what I was feeling that gave me the impression that he was… me. That bisexual guy who questioned everyone’s belief and didn’t care who got pissed off about it. He, in essence, was poking the bear and fighting city hall but, the most important thing I took away from our conversation was that this had happened before, that there were both men and women who saw through the social bullshit and not only kept doing what they had to do but putting out the word that society had it wrong when they said that people are either straight or they’re gay. Shit… that explained why, way back in my pre-teen days, I’d hear a lot of older people say and insist that nobody in the right mind would want to do both. I had mentioned this to him and he laughed… for a long time, too, and when he stopped laughing, he said, “Yeah, the old heads of my generation said that, too. But, young buck, you must understand – and you probably do now – that they were wrong then… and the old heads of your generation were wrong as well… but not as wrong as they were in my generation.”

I was greatly saddened the day I learned that he has passed away. We hadn’t or didn’t keep in touch with each other because there was no need to; he had passed on his knowledge of what it was like to be bisexual in his generation to me and, I guess, to that end, his job was done as far as that went. I now knew what he knew… and it wasn’t all that different from what I had been learning all along. It all keeps cycling along, repeating itself but the more it cycles and repeats, the lesser the social angst affects people. He knew this. He saw it. He lived it. What was “generational history” to me was just another Monday for him. The angst again anyone who wasn’t straight. Men and women doing whatever they had to do – and endure – in order to be the way they had to be in this. Knew that the more people had their backs against the wall for some reason, the more… open they could be about having sex even if for the purpose of relieving the stress of whatever the times were causing and, yeah, standing up for their God-given right to decide how best to do this and even if it meant defying the moral majority’s view of things.

And I find myself repeating myself… because this bisexual thing is circular. I was totally embarrassed when he “called me out” by saying, “How much do you wanna bet that I know what your favorite thing to do is?” And, yep, I was dumb enough to take that bet… and it cost me five dollars when he correctly said, “Your favorite thing to do is to suck cock and eat pussy.” As I handed over the five dollars – and realized that I had just fell victim to a sucker’s bet – I had blurted out, “How could you possibly know that when I never said anything about it?”

He said, “In my generation and among men, it was a guy’s favorite things to do and, I’m going to give away the farm and let you know that it’s my all-time favorite things to do, too. I’ll give away more of the farm and let you know that in the generation before mine? Sucking cock was the thing to do as well and eating pussy was right up there for a lot of men, not just because women were demanding that men do more of it but because it greatly satisfied a particular need. Do you see that this just keeps going in circles?”

I did see it and better than I had before. He actually gave me back my five dollars and, yeah, laughed at me for taking the bet in the first place and set me “straight” by telling me that while I was finding out about all of this – and especially about myself – he had been there, done that, and knew about the cyclic nature of it all. Man… talk about getting some knowledge laid on you. He would point out a lot of small differences that were environmental and shed a lot of light on that thing I was hearing that said we are products of our environments and because they change, the perceptions change as well. In the six or seven hours I spent talking to him, I got schooled and even had some of my perceptions changed or “corrected.”

“Find a way to spread the word, young buck,” he said as I prepared to go home. “You’re just as much a part of the cycle as I am and there will be others who will become aware of the cycle and someone like has to be in the middle of things to answer the questions that our childish society would prefer to remain unanswered.”

Yeah. That. I did spread the word and to anyone who cared to listen. The internet came along and allowed me to better spread the word and, yep, discovered blogging and learned that it was a good medium to keep spreading the word… and even if I keep repeating myself and, yeah, that man even knew that I would do just that… because it was something he found himself doing. Spreading the word. Telling the truth. Over and over and over. Taught me that this particular wheel just keeps going around and around and in every generation.

I had met him because he had placed an ad in the paper for someone to help him with some general maintenance kind of stuff and I need the work and the money so I answered the ad and got the job. I don’t quite remember how the topic came up but as I worked alongside him, it did and, yeah, I got schooled about some stuff that I had suspected but didn’t have any “proof” of… and he provided it. Later on, I realized and understood that he had a need to pass his knowledge on or, as we say today, pay it forward and to as many people who might be willing to listen. When I started to specifically write about this, I realized that I was starting to do what he had done with me: Spreading the word. Passing on or paying forward all that I had learned. Very much being a part of the cyclic, repetitive way of things and, indeed, being a part of the change that is slowly but surely closing the circle and effecting the change that will, someday, make any and all of this a non-issue.

I see it happening and just as he said I would. More and more bisexuals are getting out there and being bisexual and many are all up in society’s face about it and more than previous generations were… but they, too, were letting society know that the shit they believed about sexuality isn’t even close to the reality of it all. Even those bisexuals hiding out in their closets are a part of the cycle; even those bisexuals who feel that society and those around them are kicking them in the crotch about such things are a part of the cycle, too; even those bisexuals who worry themselves sick about this, that, or the other are a part of the cycle. The thing is that many of them aren’t aware of this… but I am and just like my not so much of a mentor was aware of it.

He told me. And now I’m telling you. There is someone somewhere in the current generation who is either doing the same thing or is about to do it… and the cycle continues. The generation after this one will be a part of the cycle and will, as I was made to do, understand that the cycle itself continues to exist because we really do fail to learn from history and, for those who are against anything that resembles homosexuality, they’re raging against something that is not only very damned real but something they can’t do anything about and, yeah, they keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result… and that’s not what’s been going on from one generation to the next and won’t be going into future generations.

I repeat myself because, well, I’m a part of the cycle and, yeah, it tends to make me a little cray-cray when I catch myself doing it but it’s also about what’s in my head at any given moment in time and, well, I keep repeating myself because I probably need to in order to do my part to spread the word:

Bisexuality is real. It’s always been a part of the sexual and sexuality reality. It always will be. It isn’t for everyone but it is for a lot of people… and I’m one of them. Part of the cycle of repetition and always have been and will continue to be.

 
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Posted by on 11 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Plumbing the Depths – Part 2

The deeper I dropped into the rabbit hole, the more I got to see what humans are capable of when it came to taking care of their need to have sex. Some of it was amazing and proof that my bisexuality wasn’t really as unique as I felt it was and to that end, seeing this made me feel a bit silly to have thought that I was the only one who was like this when, um, I’d been having sex with my male friends and other guys all along.

The angst and prohibition was always present and while the rabbit hole proved that there were a lot of people who just didn’t give a fuck about all that drama and were, for the most part, unaffected by it, there were other who’d fallen into the rabbit hole – or purposely jumped into – who didn’t have what I’d call pleasant experiences. There were many more who’d stand at the edge of the abyss, wanting to jump in but very afraid to and from how deep I’d be in this place, I knew what they were afraid of and, given the collective mindset, rightfully so because being gay was “the ultimate sexual sin” and the worst thing a person could be… and bisexuals are part straight and part gay and, as such, guilty by association at the very least even though – and way back then – people were loathe to understand that bisexuality isn’t homosexuality, well, not in total.

The rabbit hole showed me just how stupid we are about sex. It not only exposed the lie everyone believes, it also exposed our hypocrisy and in the many times I’d hear guys being pretty vicious in their opinion of anyone who wasn’t gay but privately? They were all about getting their rocks of with other guys as long as no one else knew that they were. It exposed the guilt and shame that’s been forced on everyone and even in something as normal as masturbating, something a lot of people saw as a sin but, as I would learn, they were wrong about that. I’d grown up being told to never touch myself down there which was too little and way too late since I’d found that touching myself down there felt pretty damned good and even better the day one of my friends showed me how to make myself cum by moving my hand up and down on my erection.

For me, it was one of the final pieces of the puzzle, something else to be discovered after falling into the rabbit hole and just as finding out that putting your mouth on a girl’s pussy wasn’t as horrible and immoral as I’d been told. As I fell deeper into the hole, I was seeing why we were the way we were about sex: Leery. Fearful. More worried and afraid of what others would say about us as well as being very fearful of God’s wrath for disobeying His word to never have sex with someone who is physically like you. Hypocritical. Prejudiced. Too willing to murder anyone who wasn’t heterosexual and then feeling justified for doing it and then invoking God’s name as the basis of that justification.

The rabbit hole was – is – filled with both pleasures and dangers and I was learning that only the most “bravest” of us dared to jump in and experience all that was possible and for the purpose of taking care of that normal and hard-wired need to have sex and, importantly, without the inhibitions that I learned a lot of people had or were made to carry with them. I would see so many men and women struggling either before they took that step into the abyss or after they did and, yeah, sometimes, they’d either get pushed in or, as what would happen a lot, they’d be going on about the business of being straight and would just fall into the rabbit hole and it would be quite terrifying and more so when they didn’t know or believe that the rabbit hole existed.

Or if they did, they had no idea that once you fall into it, there’s no getting out of it unless it happens that they could grab the edge and pull themselves out. Some could do just that but many would lose their grip and would fall helplessly into the depths, not knowing what to expect but being exposed to what could happen in these very murky and scary depth. Sex. Prohibited sex. Immoral sex. I felt that I was one of the few people who bothered to really look at what the rabbit hole was about and why it existed in the first place. It was one thing to fall into the hole, blindly or not, but something else to really look around to see what was going on and why it was. If nothing else, I was understanding how… depraved humans can be when it comes to having sex but to also gain some appreciation of our hedonistic and willingness to partake of the debauchery that could be experienced and especially how creative and imaginative we could be about it.

Yeah… we’ll do whatever we have to do and for the sake of sex and being able to orgasm and/or ejaculate with others who are of a mind to fall into the abyss together for that mutually satisfying pleasure and experience. As I fell, I’d pass those who had reason to find purchase on the many ledges lining the hole and understood that they could and had to find purchase because they could fall that far but it was just too “dangerous” for them to keep falling. Even I got to a point where I’d reach out and grab a ledge because I was learning that the abyss that is this rabbit hole wasn’t a “straight” fall; there were… intersections, other lanes, to put it that way, that would lead to even greater depths and more examples of human depravity and debauchery. I found that one could, if they wanted to, explore these side roads and one could find themselves backing out of these “way stations” and get back to the main parts of the abyss… or they’d find themselves continuing to fall and sometimes, they didn’t want to.

I’d find myself grabbing a ledge to “take a breather” and whenever I did, I’d look around to see what could be seen or to contemplate what I’d learned during my fall… and it was enlightening as much as it was pretty scary. Things like sucking a man’s cock or feeling it invading my ass were par for the course and just like being with women and slaking my great lust upon them was even though I’d learned that the rabbit hole also contained a great deal of self-induced drama over such things. I saw that I had fallen deep enough to see a lot of the truth about sex and seeing the things that were, indeed, very scary to those who had not fallen as deep as I had or they would find themselves at the precipice of the rabbit hole and very fearful to find themselves there and afraid of both the wrath of God as well as the wrath of public opinion. I knew why they were afraid but, at the same time, couldn’t understand why they were so fearful.

Falling down the rabbit hole is, in fact, a great departure from that which we consider both normal and moral. It exposes how… immature we are about sex. It exposed the “true” nature of the beast in that we will do whatever we have to do in order to have sex and not be of a mind of how our pursuit can and will harm others and, as such, I found that to keep falling down the hole required an ability to not only avoid those more perilous side roads but to understand why they existed in the first place. I’d be on a ledge to “rest” and think about being with a guy who “abused” my body and made the sex less pleasurable than it should have been and understanding – and sometimes reluctantly so – that the pleasure was there but I’d only realize that after the fact because my own sensibilities were too busy being “offended” and I was being foolish to believe that just because I was falling down the rabbit hole in a particular way, that didn’t mean that there would always be others who were falling but along a different path or way.

I learned that such trips weren’t so much of a side road as I had thought but a great part of the whole and more like “curves” on a road that one would have to navigate before the road straightened again and now it was just a matter of taking the curves and as “safely” as possible. You couldn’t really avoid these curves but the abyss did provide “rest stops” so that, if nothing else, you could give yourself a chance to either figure out how to take the curve with little difficulty or just stay right there and, in a sense, explore the area you decided to take a rest in. Yet and still, no matter how far you fell into the rabbit hole or where you decided to not fall any deeper, there were always great pleasures and “dangers” all along the way so you’d have to really watch your step because the rabbit hole had more holes than one – and I – could imagine.

I found that those who failed to learn what the rabbit hole was teaching are the ones who have the most problems taking the fall but those who learned – like myself – learned to accept that falling down this hall is just a part of what it means to be human and the social animal we really albeit one that carried a lot of moral baggage with us that’s supposed to either keep us from falling into the rabbit hole or not allow us to fall all that deeply into it in a big picture kind of way. The thing I had to deal with was my… enjoying falling into the depths, not only for the sexual pleasures to be had but to “flirt” with the “dangers” and to learn because falling into the abyss blindly, well, that was not a good thing.

I fell. I experienced. I learned. Not just about myself but about the many others who had fallen. And the most important thing: We could step into the abyss if we wanted or needed to and the rules that said to always avoid it were more idealistic than realistic. I understood that the homosexuals had it wrong when they said that they had no choice about what they were, well, actually, they weren’t completely right about that and just like they were partially right about their position that they were born this way. Falling down the rabbit hole taught me that, yes, we are all actually born this way and with the potential to be and of the sexuals but the thing that divides us is not only the directives that exist to control our sexual behaviors but it is about choice… because you do have to choose to act on those sexual feeling or not.

And I learned how… stupid we are about any of this. I learned that even with the highly sexual nature of the rabbit hole, morality, such as it is or is supposed to be, wasn’t totally thrown away because one could learn – and I had learned – that there are some curves in the road that should be avoided, not that everyone would choose to avoid them. I would often find myself wondering and laughing to see how moral we can be… while doing something that is still and to this very day considered to be sinfully immoral.

And that a whole lot of us just didn’t give a fuck about it. Let’s get naked and have sex. Doesn’t much matter if you’re male or female and it doesn’t matter if you’re male but believe yourself to be female or female and feeling very manly. We can, if you want to and you don’t have much in the way of personal objections – and you should have some just on general principles so you can be morally immoral – let’s get naked and do what we can to give and receive sexual pleasure because that’s what we were designed to do and whether you want to cite nature itself for this or your deity of choice. We can do this if you’re not all that afraid to fall deeper into the rabbit hole and more so when you have little or no fear of finding out exactly what you’re capable of where enjoying sexual pleasures is concerned.

There are those who see this rabbit hole as a dark and evil place… and they’re not totally wrong about that but the rabbit hole is a place of light, too. You fall… and you learn – one way or the other – to stay in the light as much as possible so as to avoid the darkness that exists. You fall… and you see the best of the nature of the beast as well as the worst we can be. And you understand why the rules exist… because they need to and that not everyone is of a mind to obey them… and you fall deeper – or as far as you’re willing/able to and, if you’re like me, you understand what this sex thing is about and what we can be willing to do in the pursuit and enjoyment that can be had.

Sucking cock. Eating pussy. Fucking and being fucked. Doesn’t really matter if you’re male and doing these thing or you’re female and doing them as you fall deeper into the abyss. That hard-wired need for intimacy as well as that sense of belonging that some other rules have been put into place that mandates that you can, indeed, enjoy this intimacy and have that sense of belonging… as long as you don’t allow anyone else to be a part of all of this. Still, you fall and, if you’re like me, you see the reason for this and you see that the reason is, for the most part, bullshit and of the idealistic kind because if you learn nothing as you fall, you understand that there are large parts of our morality about sex that cannot stand up to the reality of things or, why settle for less when you could settle for more or all you can handle?

And as you fall – and if you’re like me – you learn that you can handle a lot more than the flawed morality says you should and can like sex with multiple partners and not always in the more preferred one-on-one way. Yeah, that. Morally reprehensible but so deliciously pleasurable and more so when it doesn’t matter the actual sex of the person or persons who are falling down the hole with you or, bluntly, getting some dick and pussy is just what the doctor ordered and knowing that even for some who fall down into the abyss, there is still that element of fear of both the religious and social angst.

But if you don’t mind, it never matters. Falling down the rabbit hole teaches you this and you do have a choice: You can embraces\ the lessons to be learned… or you grab onto a ledge and just stay there. I learned so much about myself as I fell – and continue to fall – into the depths; my curiosity made me look at the good and bad because I had a terribly impulsive need to answer a questions:

Why does something that everyone says is so bad feels so good? I’ve been chasing the answer to this question for the entirety of my life. Falling into this rabbit hole gave me the answer early on: It feels good because it’s supposed to. I had a problem: I got the answer to my question but it also gave birth to even more questions and the only way to find them was to keep falling and plumbing the depths to see just how far the hole went and, holy shit – it does appear to be bottomless. I did, indeed, learn why one should not find themselves falling into the abyss, that our morality does make sense in that we should not fall carelessly into the depths but the religious edicts have no real meaning because it serves only to suppress us and our need for sex and intimacy and proposes that these things can only be gained and enjoyed in a very singular and restrictive way.

Our morality is very wrong about that and depending on how far you fall, you see this. You understand it. You either fear it or our don’t. You learn that idealism is all well and good but the reality is… real. I would often find myself beneath or atop a man, his cock buried deep in that forbidden place that the hole taught me isn’t all that forbidden… and wondering why I was there because I knew I shouldn’t be and the answer was always because I could be there and, yes, I wanted to because it felt good. It felt right, normal and natural. I would feel… some kind of way to be inseminated and falling down the hole had taught me that not only women could be inseminated and now whether or not one felt the joy of it or not mattered to the individual and why they were falling into the abyss. Or, conversely, I would find myself fucking a guy and knowing what was eventually going to happen while understanding more and more of why I was on the verge of inseminating him and as I would do with a woman: Because it could be done. It is well and truly a part of the nature of the beast we really are but are in abject denial of and, yes, we have our morality to “thank” for this fearful behavior so many of us have.

It feels good because it’s supposed to. Going against morality even makes having sex this way even more enjoyable. Sucking a man until he spills his seed into my mouth so I can consume it is, as I like to say, deliciously nasty and just as it is when I am going to spill my seed into another man’s mouth. Because it feels good… and it’s supposed to feel good because if the rabbit hole teaches you nothing as you fall into its depths, at the root of any of this is… sex. Orgasms and ejaculation. Wanting them for both the purpose of procreation and very much a recreational things. The rules are what they are but the flaw that gets exposed is that our morality tells us or implies that this rabbit hole doesn’t and can’t exist but as I fell, I understood that our morality exists because the people who created it knew that this rabbit hole existed and decided for all of us that falling into it – and experiencing and exploring its depths – wasn’t in our best interests…

And for many of us across all this time, falling into the rabbit hole and seeing how deep it was is, as it turns out, very much in our best interests and, yes, when we perish and if we should find that the hell we are promised to be in for our disobedience is real, well, did we not have a good time before the fact? I have said that if I’m gonna go to hell for the way I love to have sex, the good part is that I’m not going to be the only one spending eternity there. Indeed, many of us choose to fall into the rabbit hole knowing this and, well, okay. This is worth spending eternity in damnation and, as such, it “makes sense” to fall deeper into the abyss and enjoy the many pleasures that can be found and where the boundaries our morality put into place gets… erased. Ignored. Deem to be of no real consequence. Let’s get naked and have sex with each other and no matter if we’re both male or female because it feels good to do it; it’s in our nature to do it.

We were born to do it. Designed by nature to do it. Prohibited by man and the social construct of religion to not engage in any sex that isn’t just boy/girl and then to never have sex that is not relationship sex and invoking the sin of fornication and all of which was designed to control us and our sexual behaviors and, well, how’s that really worked and in the whole of things?

Not all that much. We fornicate like it’s nobody’s business. Men have sex with men and women have sex with women… and some of us live to have sex with both, with or without the relationship stipulation. It’s bad because it’s said to be bad but damn if it doesn’t feel good being bad. Falling into the rabbit hole taught me this. Showed me the truth of what we are and how we can be in the pursuit of sex and the pleasures that can be found as well as the dangers that are just a part of the whole and teaches that the bad – and the very bad – should be avoided at all costs… but it doesn’t mean that there are those of us who find succor being “very bad” in that sense and find that succor in things BDSM and things even I find scary and don’t pretend to really understand except that we will do whatever has to be done for that sexual pleasure even if it causes us pain.

A lot of people are fearful of the rabbit hole and not without reason… because there is reason to be afraid. In fact, you should be afraid, not for your immortal soul but for that which makes you who you are, that great sense of self that we all learn is the most important thing about this thing we call life. Falling down the hole can make you lose that sense of self… or find it… or change it and that’s much more scary than the moral punishments we all cower under. You fall… and you either find your sexual purpose in this life… or you become fearful of that purpose but one way or the other, falling into the abysmal rabbit hole will not only teach you some stuff about yourself, you will most definitely learn some shit about the many others who are falling right along with you.

And you’re either going to be afraid… or you’re going to embrace it and even more if you happen to be bisexual… and like me. Why does something that everyone says is so bad but feels so goddamned good? Because the rabbit hole teaches you – and if you’re willing and unafraid to learn – that it feels good because it’s supposed to and, yes, fuck the rules. Feels pretty good to be bad. Falling, as it turns out, isn’t always a good thing because anything that involves humans is subject to some fucked up shit and you learn that you can choose to take the good while doing your best to avoid the bad… and sometimes you can’t and the bad is not only not going to go and stay away because it’s always there and this, too, is a part of the nature of the beasts we well and truly are.

Now it’s all about falling and being able to latch on to a ledge upon which will allow you to enjoy more of the sexual pleasures and not the as much as of the unpleasant things but, importantly, I think, the fact that our morality that binds and always seeks to control our sexual behaviors is, at best, incorrect because as a man, there is much pleasure to be found having sex with other men and no less pleasurable than it is to have sex with a woman… because it’s sex. It’s supposed to be pleasurable but, yeah, we are human and we do just fuck this up for each other… and the rabbit hole teaches that we’re not all of the same mind about how these pleasure are supposed to be like.

The best and only way to avoid the depths of the rabbit hole and the unknowns that really do exist in those depths is to not have sex at all. With anyone. And some people do just that either for moral or more personal reasons. Their choice. But for the rest of us? The “bravest” of us? Hell, yeah – take that step into the abyss and it really is gonna be a lulu and now it’s up to you to not only enjoy the pleasures that can be found but to, if you can, why things are the way they are because the rabbit hole exists. Some don’t care about that aspect; they don’t need to know the “details” and, well, yeah, I’m not one of those people; it’s “not enough” to do a thing but I gotta understand why we are and can be so eager to ignore or set aside moral and social norms for the hedonistic pleasures of have sex and in a way that our morality stringently prohibits.

Um, because that shit is way too much fun not to indulge in. It means too much to our sense of self not to take the plunge into the abyss and have as much of a good time falling as we can manage to have. The dangers of the depths are very damned real and some of them are unavoidable and, as such, some of us “survive” them and some of us can’t or don’t. But the “bravest” of us experience this… and continue to fall and plumb the depths and to the best of our ability to do so for the pleasure and, yes, the knowledge that can be had and that despite what our morality says or implies, yep – being bad feels very good… because it’s supposed to.

There will be those who might read all of this and greatly disagree and/or be greatly opposed to such things… because their grip on our morality pretty much insist that we argue against it but I have and will always questions why those who firmly believe in our morality are so willing to believe something that isn’t the whole truth of things… and they know it isn’t because, like it or not, they are surround by the proof that what they believe doesn’t have shit to do with the reality of things, that a man sucking another man’s cock until he spills his seed (and in some way including on the ground) is only a horrible thing if you believe it to be. Or that two women pleasuring each other isn’t really a thing of them eschewing men for this pleasure but just one aspect and reason for falling into the rabbit hole in the first place:

It’s because they can. Because they wanted or needed to. Found themselves falling into a place they were sure they would not enjoy and discovering just how truly enjoyable it can be. Falling on purpose or having been “pushed” off the edge and made to fall. Combating our ever-present fear of the unknown and either ridding ourselves of that fear or, yes, sadly, being consumed by those fears.

This bisexual thing is some very real shit. It thumbs its nose not only at our morality but the insidious and immature notion that people are either straight or gay and nothing more than that. And those who believe this – and because our morality insists and implies that this is the truth of what we are… well, they’re wrong. Misinformed. There are, in fact, those of us who find great pleasure and personal comforts with dick and pussy. Both. All up in the grey area that the rabbit hole taught me but an area that many do not believe really exists and, as such, are of a mind to put on display another aspect of human behavior that doesn’t make us look as good as we erroneously think we are. That fear of the other and that ingrained thing that says if you’re not like us, you’re against us…

And bisexuals, as it is turning out, is against both side of the coin. They don’t understand – or want to understand – that by falling into this rabbit hole has taught us – and those of us who’ve been paying attention during the fall – that there is no two-sided coin and there never was one… until we invented one. Not men or women but men and women. Dick and pussy. Both are just as much good as they can be bad… and the bad can always be found no matter what you believe about your chosen orientation because, well, we are human after all. But if you don’t mind, it never matters. This, too, is what falling down this particular rabbit hole teaches those who chose to learn as they fall.

Morally immoral. Quite hedonistic and capable of enjoying the debauchery that goes along with it. Because the morality, and such as it is, only serves to suppress and limit the means of such pleasures and our morality, again, isn’t telling the whole truth about the reality of it all. Plumbing the depths in search of the truth is not for the weak of heart and as I’ve learned along the way; there has been good times and bad times and, well, that is really life just as having sex is a part of what it means to be human and alive. Plumbing the depths has shown that, yeah, buddy – we love having sex. We will do anything we can get away with in order to have it. Morality can kiss our ass, literally or metaphorically and some of us take great pleasure to, again, thumb our noses at morality and our black and white thinking to have the utter gall, nerve, and audacity to have sex with both men and women.

Because it sure as fuck feels damned good to have sex like that but all of this also can serve to answer the question of who we are and why are we here and what the fuck are we supposed to do or, better yet, what the fuck can we do given the rules that, in fact, tells us something that we eventually find out really isn’t the whole truth of things. Men have sex with each other. So do women. Some of us have sex with both – so what and if you have a point, what is it? Oh, that’s right – morality is your point and those of us who have fallen deep into the depths and have plumbed them tend to laugh – and sometimes literally – at how much sexuality immaturity our morality has forced onto so many people.

Getting some dick is good… and bad because humans can make it that way. So is getting some pussy. You plumb the depth and find out that the differences we have create in these things are both unnecessary – because people are always going to do whatever they need to to – and yet another part of what it means to be human and, yeah, putting our inherent insanity on display when we keep insisting that the things bisexuals – specifically – do aren’t supposed to be done… and are you fucking kidding me? Open your eyes. See the truth of it. Accept it or reject it but it remains the truth just the same. Forever and ever, there are people like me who, when it comes to sex, doesn’t “care” whether it’s with a man or a woman because, um, it’s sex. That bad thing that also feels very damned good and totally against our morality and those other things we don’t believe, like, again, that nonsense that people are either straight or gay.

Um, no, we aren’t. I’ve fallen very deep to do some plumbing and to learn this. I know the reality. I accept it for, hah, better or worse. It’s sex and our morality doesn’t like the way we might go about it but, as I’ve learned, can do nothing for those who want to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes and on purpose and, yes, some wind up falling in and finding out that falling in ain’t as bad as everyone said it is. It can be – we are still human – but it really isn’t all that horrible or even prohibited because if we really aren’t supposed to be fucking around in the rabbit hole, we wouldn’t be able to do it and would, theoretically, be impossible to do.

And that has never been the case. Plumbing the depths and learning what I have learns reveals that our morality does, in fact, have a useful and sensible purpose for those who are willing to follow it… but not everyone does and it sure as fuck is true that some of us who don’t follow the way it’s supposed to be aren’t gay. We are, in fact, both… but not exclusively one or the other. No grey area really exists and, um, there’s a lot of sexual pleasure to be found in the grey if you’re brave enough to plumb the depth and to learn from falling into the abyss.

The truth is that we all fall into the rabbit hole and it’s just a matter of how far we’re willing to fall and, yes, if at all. I’m still falling and learning and, you betcha, having fun because I got tossed into the rabbit hole to ask and answer a question that everyone should ask… then find the answer to and one that isn’t, “Because I/God said so.” Hmm. Why does something that everyone says is so bad but feels so good? The answer comes when you fall into the rabbit hole and plumb its depths and I can tell you the answer… but it’s always better to find out for yourself instead of believing a standard of behavior that is stopping you from finding out what it really means to be human and a very sex-positive creature.

The beauty of it is that you can plumb the depths… or not. The choice to take the plunge or, in effect, stay on the porch has always been yours to make even though, again and forever, our morality and social norms would prefer – and demand – that you not find out what I and so many others have found: Our morality means well but is more idealistic than realistic. Not the whole truth. A standard of behavior that, really, wasn’t handed down by some deity and as we are to believe it. I get that, too, and learned about it as I fell into the depths. And to that effect, I do believe in God… but I don’t believe that He actually spoke to those who wrote about what we know to be religion. Man did that and for a reason. Not going to get all into that other than we were made to believe and abide something that the stark reality of the rabbit hole prove is… bullshit. Not the whole truth of this sex thing. Not just boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl – it’s all of the above if you’re brave and daring to plumb the depths instead of staying in the shallows and being fearful of what can be and because, bluntly, you were made to be fearful. Wrath of God stuff. Social indignation and prejudice borne out of religious beliefs.

The rabbit hole goes deep. Really deep. Probably bottomless and way beyond our ability to discern. About as real as shit can be and for better or worse. But if you don’t jump in, you’ll never know these things; you won’t see the bigger picture and, as such, accepting bisexuality as a real thing will be hard to swallow – and the pun is intended big time. We are what we are. We found ourselves falling into the rabbit hole and some of us got pushed in and flailed and floundered until we figured out how to fall with some modicum of control… and had fun while others, eh, not so much. Life – and sex – is like that. Falling reveals and exposes some shit that makes some very uncomfortable… or very damned curious to find out just how deep the hole goes and how much we can endure and what lines we have to draw for ourselves that we will not cross as we fall. You just gotta find and know your limits and this, too, is part of the deal.

It’s just that some of us – those of us who are bisexual – aren’t of a mind to accept the limits that have been imposed on us and by religious decree. If you’re agreeable and I am, um, let’s get naked and gain some very carnal knowledge of each other and whether you’re male or female makes no difference on the whole of things. Why? Because we can. Born and designed for this. Morality inhibits us but we, as humans, found ways around it or just refused to obey because if there is a purpose to this thing called life, it’s to enjoy it while we can and when it comes to sex, the only real rules are those we create for ourselves… and bisexuals, well, we operate under a very different set of rules that say you can fall down the rabbit hole and enjoy “everyone” who is also falling and in their own way, you know, if they want to and if they do, it ain’t as bad as everyone – and our morality – says it is.

All of this isn’t just my opinion. It’s not stuff that I made up. Bisexuality is some very real shit and I – and so many others – are living proof that speaks to how deep the rabbit hole can be as well as the reality that says being willing and able to get dick and/or pussy to satisfy one’s sexual needs and pleasures, well, it feels good…

Because it’s supposed to feel good. And being insane enough to plumb the depths as I have done, well, that’s fun, too, but exposes our gross and collective immaturity and fears when it comes to…cumming, to be all up in your grill about it.

 
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Posted by on 10 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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KDaddy’s General Observations: Aaron Rodgers

Okay, the football world was either shocked or tickled pink to hear that last year’s MVP got benched due to violations of the NFL’s COVID-19 protocols. Yep, I was tickled pink because I don’t like the guy even though I do recognize his skills. I read the article that talked about Aaron’s side of this story and, wow, if I didn’t have a good opinion about the guy as a player, his spin on this didn’t help much.

Then again, this whole anti-vaxx thing is… disturbing. A lot of people don’t understand the science behind the vaccine and stubbornly don’t want to know anything about it and if there’s something I know about humans, it’s that they can be scared to death about stuff they don’t understand. I know for myself, I wasn’t in a hurry to be vaccinated, not because I had any fears about the vaccine itself but I know something about both the science and what it takes to get any drug approved and on the market and since they kinda/sorta rushed to get this out – and they had to – well, hmm, there could be some issues but I still got vaccinated because I’m smack dab in the middle of the group that can be highly susceptible to getting the virus and the worse could happen.

I’m not surprised that Aaron is one of those people who thinks that the rules don’t apply to him. One of the things I don’t like about him as a player is he’s arrogant and is of a mind that being the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers is all about him and more so when he fucks up, it’s always someone else’s fault other than his own. Like, there was a rumor that their previous coach had gotten fired because Aaron wanted him gone… then it was revealed that, yep, that’s exactly what happened. I know that when I heard about it, the first thing I thought was why would the Packers organization get rid of a coach who proved he can run a winning team and had, in fact, won a couple of Super Bowls?

Okay, that season, the Packers sucked and that makes me just as happy as it does when the Dallas Cowboys bite the big one. Their dismal season, however and to me, wasn’t about bad coaching as much as it was Aaron having a lot of bad games and, really, just the team as a whole having a “bad hair season.” It’s to be expected if you know anything about football… but Aaron, well, he seems to be of a different mind about things.

On the one hand, I get it. That level of arrogance and just being cocky can be the fuel to drive his ability to play the game and, yeah, shit, as well as he has proven he can. He is very good at what he does and he knows it… but he’s not humble about it and that, for me and a lot of other people, makes him an asshole of the highest order.

And he didn’t do himself any favors by blatantly ignoring the protocols that the NFL established and the players’ association also signed off on. Then his “explanation” for why he dissed the rules, in a weird way, makes sense: He doesn’t have to take the vaccine if he doesn’t want to but the NFL protocols do include what unvaccinated players have to do to be in compliance… and Aaron is of a mind that those rules don’t apply to him which, at least to me, implies that he thinks he’s above the game, too.

That the league is going to hit his wallet hard for this makes me happy since, um, I don’t like the guy all that much but, yeah, any player who blatantly disregards the established protocol should have their bank account lowered… and a lot. There’s some investigation taking place to determine how often and badly Aaron violated the league rules and if it’s proven that he violated the rules a lot, not only will his wallet get hit, he could be suspended. And, on general principle, he should be suspended for repeated violations and more so when the NFL is quick to suspend players for other off or on-field violations of league rules.

Ah, but he’s a superstar quarterback. MVP a few times and has those pretty rings, too. As this started making the rounds in sport media, I got to thinking about the many times on my job where the powers that be laid down the law and that we all had to toe the line and without exception… and the many times I personally thought it was bullshit and, yeah, I ain’t doing that because I don’t have to… and did it anyway because, hmm, I not only liked my job, I needed to keep it and whatever objections I had were minor when compared to the possibility of getting black marks in my personnel folder or summarily dismissed for cause… and the cause being my not complying with the rules as established. Yep, doing my job? About as arrogant as I can manage to be because I know that I am very damned good at what I do and the people I worked for knew it because, if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be working there at all. So, as such, I understand the arrogant and cocky attitude and also understand that this gets… misinterpreted because it’s really about being highly confident in your ability to do whatever it is you do but also understanding that even the best have bad days and, if so, um, it’s usually not management’s fault. You accept the blame for having a bad day at work and just move on and, yeah, even if it is management’s fault that your work day sucked donkey dicks.

You can fuss with me about this but it’s not COVID-19 that scares me the most: It’s the people who aren’t vaccinated that scare me. I understand their resistance… and I don’t. I don’t understand why anyone would want to take the risk of, one, getting infected and, two, passing it on to someone else. No, wait – I do understand it; there are some people who just believe that nothing’s going to happen to them so there’s no need to be vaccinated and, yep, all the people who are scared shitless because they don’t know what’s in the vaccine. Shit, I wanted to know… so I went to the company’s website and read about what’s in the vaccine and the technology used to create it. Was… surprised to learn that the science used to create this vaccine isn’t something new but, you know, being a science nerd myself, I understood the science behind mRNA and that there is no actual COVID virus, alive or dead, in this vaccine. mRNA, simply, “teaches” the body to fight the virus should one be exposed to it – the ‘m’ means “messenger.” It is a kind of gene therapy but not one that fucks with one’s genetic composition other than, again, to teach it that if, after vaccination, if it “sees” the virus, kill the shit out of it.

Okay. People have been vaccinated and still gotten sick. It happens and has happened with other vaccines. Along the same lines of how a woman can take birth control and still get pregnant or you can get a flu shot and still get the flu. Shit still happens since these things aren’t ever 100% effective and it stands to reason that it wouldn’t be since we’re all different and, yeah, sometimes, it’s not gonna work as expected. Shit… I got a pneumonia shot today and, honestly? I didn’t want to even though I know that, quite a few years ago, I somehow managed to get pneumonia and that was pretty fucked up since it took me over a month to get over it but the really bad part was knowing that if you get pneumonia once, you’re very susceptible to getting it again… and I don’t ever want to have to go through that again so, yeah, I got the vaccine even though there’s no real guarantee that I won’t get pneumonia… but there’s a greater chance that I won’t.

Again, I hesitated to get vaccinated because I needed more information and I went to the source to get it. I hear the stuff other people are saying about why they’re not gonna get vaccinated up to and including the possibility that the US Government is using this vaccine scare to implant microchips in everyone so they can track and control people which, according to what religious stuff you believe, ties right into the beginning of the world ending catastrophically. I hear people getting seriously pissy about their right not to be vaccinated and that’s all well and good… but do they have the right to put others at risk?

Apparently, they think they do and so does the future Hall of Famer, Aaron Rodgers, MVP quarterback for the famed Green Bay Packers. I watched the game they played Sunday night… and they lost and badly so which does, in fact, speak to how well they play when Aaron’s under center and being the team’s leader and motivating the offense and defense to give 200% every time they go out there and, as such, I can understand why he’d be unhappy when the team has a bad hair day and like they did last night. He’s not going to be happy about that loss and, for me, it begs the question of whether or not they would have won if this asshole hadn’t gotten benched for violating the league’s COVID-19 protocols. I think they would have, by the way, but since they didn’t, it makes what he’s being accused of even more pointed and in ways that have nothing to do with football and topped off with it being reported that he – and like a lot of other people – are very misinformed about much of what’s going on with this damned virus.

And I sit back and take notice of this… and shake my head. People are seeing the push to be vaccinated as a violation of their rights and it really does make me ask, even rhetorically, why this is “more important” than the very real possibility of getting the virus and either getting horribly sick or dying and, yeah, passing it along to everyone you might come in contact with since some of this people won’t even wear a mask.

As far as Aaron’s punishment for violating league rules, I hope they hit his wallet real hard and I do hope they suspend him, not because I can’t stand the guy – and I can’t – but he’s gotta be made to understand that the protocols apply to everyone on every team and he’s not above those protocols. The team will likely get slapped with some heavy fines and other things like draft choices; the latest thing I read talked about other teams being fined as much as $500,000 for violations and while that might be a drop in the bucket for a professional football team, whew, that’s a lot of money… but there’s no amount of money that can justify putting yourself and other people at risk just because you don’t want to take the vaccine and more so when the reason why you won’t do it is due to misinformation.

I got the vaccine. All I got out of it was stuck in the arm and having to deal with a sore and stiff arm. Better safe than sorry. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and I didn’t get it. Not even of a mind to put my lady at risk because I’m being stubborn or even stupid about not getting the vaccine; that’s just heinously reprehensible as far as I’m concerned and, yeah, it plucks my nerve to see a guy who a lot of people admire and look up to getting himself and his team in trouble… and all because he believes he has justifiable reasons for the rules not applying to him.

Way to set a good example, Aaron. Way to not let your celebrity lend itself to encouraging people to get vaccinated because shit usually happens when you don’t believe it will. No wonder so many fans of the game see you as an arrogant asshole despite your mastery of the game and, yeah, in part, why your team took an “L” last night because you should have been doing your goddamned job but chose to wind up not doing it because you think you didn’t have to abide by the rules and it doesn’t say much about whatever you think about your teammates and the other members of the Packers organization by taking the risk of infecting them… and you might have done so already. One of his game checks comes to $66,900 – that’s more money than a lot of people make in a year. I’d love it if the league not only garnished his game checks, they suspend him without pay even to make an example out of him.

He has the right to not get vaccinated… but he’s not so large and in charge that he has the right to violate the league rules with impunity. But, alas, because he’s Aaron Rodgers, he won’t get bitch-slapped like a lesser player might be…

 
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Posted by on 8 November 2021 in KDaddy's General Observations

 

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