Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Doing What We Do
I actually thought about this yesterday and was about to start writing when my computer decided it needed to install 22 Windows updates and I’m just now getting back to this… then I see that WordPress made some changes, like removing the Category and Tags widgets I’ve been so used to seeing and making use of and, well, if there’s a way to get them back, I haven’t found it yet and I find this rather bothersome right now. Anyway…
I had decided to circle back and talk about this again from what I originally thought was a slightly different perspective and more so when I thought about the many times when I’ve been asked how I could have sex with men. It “hit” me that I could go fuck some guy’s woman and while I might catch some flak for doing that, whatever opposition I’d get for that pales in comparison to what some folks think about the fact that I happily suck cock.
“How can you do that? Why do you need to do that?”
A couple of good questions, huh? I think that every bisexual who is sexually active this way has a “standard” answer to how they could do such an immoral thing and along the lines of, “I just can” because this is easier to answer than to get deeply into the more broader, fuller answer. Likewise, we can probably answer the second question but it wouldn’t be all that simple a thing to do – and I know because I’ve tried answering this question more times than I can remember but, one time when I was asked the second question, I responded with, “Well, why do you have sex?”
My question sparked an interesting debate over some difference between having heterosexual sex and homosexual sex and since I’m not adverse to stirring the pot on such things, I prodded them into telling me as best they could just what the differences were and more so if they understood that sex – and regardless to its many forms – is still sex. The person asking me the question in the first place launched into a long dissertation about what’s considered to be normal and, of course, morality and, since I was having a bit of fun pushing their buttons (I get like that at times but not too often), I allowed that this is all well and good… but what does that have to do with having sex in the first place? They said that [of course] dudes weren’t supposed to have sex with each other and I countered with the obvious: Just because we’re not supposed to do it doesn’t mean it can’t be done and the prohibition against it hasn’t stopped it from being done. I then hit them with this – again: “Well, why do you have sex?”
The look I got was one of being totally perplexed; I mean, come on, the answer is as plain as the nose on your face – or it should be but for this situation, I had to provide them with the answer: “You have sex because it feels good, don’t you?” Ah, man, the look on their face when they heard this was beyond precious and worth the time it took to evoke such a dumbfounded look. They recovered and said, “But, you suck dick…!” and I replied, “Yeah – because it feels good – are you with me on this now?”
I understand that some folks have a problem with what we do because it’s not the “normal” or prescribed way to have sex and this isn’t all that surprising. Women, in particular, can get me trying not to laugh at them when they ask this question because, um, shouldn’t it be kinda obvious and more so since they suck dick and get fucked, too? Again, the thing here is that a woman sucking cock and getting fucked (and, yes, even in the ass if they like it like that) is considered to be normal and even moral (depending how one cares to look at it). It stands to reason – at least in my opinion and this doesn’t apply to everyone – that if people will do whatever they feel they have to do to have sex, the morality of it can be set aside so that they can. Let’s face a fact, shall we? We know there are rules about having sex and we also know that not everyone adheres to them. We have different reactions to this very human behavior but even when the reaction is in the negative, it is still what it is – it’s still sex.
My purpose for writing this – and as it came to mind yesterday – isn’t about debating the morality of bisexual men (in particular) having sex with other men; again, the rules are clear about this and this clarity has never changed the fact that men like sucking cock and even being fucked and for the same reasons heterosexual people do it: Because it feels good. I’m not even gonna get into a debate about why the moral imperative is in place to begin with except to say that if I’m sucking some guy off or some fucking is going on, um, ain’t no babies being conceived. The angst against oral sex – blow jobs – exist because if girlfriend is draining homey’s nuts, she’s not going to get pregnant; likewise, having anal sex with her isn’t going to accomplish that necessary task of perpetuating our species but, again and forever, none of the rules we have in place about sex and who we’re supposed to have sex with change the fact that we – humans – have sex and in whatever way floats our boats… because it feels good to do it.
It’s the thing that makes me say that people who don’t suck cock (in particular) can’t possibly understand how and why it feels good to do it and, really, people who don’t engage in oral sex at all lack a point of reference and since they don’t, doing it doesn’t make a lot of sense to them… and, no, it doesn’t matter, for the purpose of this writing, why they don’t engage in oral sex – and I’m not particularly talking about those folks who have tried it and have determined that it doesn’t work for them – this is for those folks who see the words “oral sex” and go, “Ew! That’s nasty!” or have some personally moral reason for never wanting to be involved with it.
The answer to questions about doing what we do as bisexuals is rather simple: We like sex and we’re not all that particular about whether it’s a male or female partner in this. And, yeah, those bisexuals who haven’t had the sex may or may not be missing out on something – that depends on their situations, of course, but even if they want to, um, it’s not all that hard to figure out why they want to: Because it feels good (or they’re betting that it does); I mean, really, is there any other reason? It really is about the intimacy that sex can bring to the table and that this intimacy isn’t restricted to just men getting jiggy with women; sure, this is the moral and “right” way to go about basking in the intimacy of sex but, again, humans have this amazing ability to override morality so they can get their rocks off – it really isn’t that hard to understand if one can step back and look at sex for what it is instead of what it’s supposed to be and, yeah, sure, not everyone can do or accept this because heterosexual sex is really hammered into all of us at some point: It’s the only way to have sex and, well, that’s not the truth, is it?
I thought about all of this – while silently cursing my computer for derailing my train of thought – and I found myself smiling and shaking my head at the same time because I know that the objections I’ve heard regarding my sexual activities with men have all been mostly moral; I’ve heard objections around the health risks and they’re not discounted or ignored… but it makes me wonder if the people who object to my love of sucking dick really understand the true nature of sex and not just the rules we’re supposed to play by. I’ve said this stuff in many forms to dissenters and questioners and, most of the time, hearing me tell them that it’s just sex puts a rather baffled look on their face and all because it’s not sex as they understand it. Oh, don’t get me wrong – a lot of those same people do, in fact, get it and they’re like, “Oh, okay, I get it… but I could never do that.” and this makes sense – this kind of sex just ain’t for everyone’s sensibilities. What I have always found amusing at times is that there are people who believe that just because they couldn’t or wouldn’t do it, that means that no one should do it.
Ah, man, people are just fucking amazing, aren’t they? These were the thoughts I had yesterday and I don’t expect or require anyone to agree with them or see my point of view on this. Bisexuals – male and female – have sex in the way we do because, um, we like having sex and asking us why we do what we do can be a question that answers it self because all you have to do is ask yourself why you like to have sex (and in whatever way you like having it) and see there are really two answers that, really, have no real boundaries: Because you want to and because it feels good. Maybe I might get into the morality of it all in some future writing but for this writing, I wasn’t thinking about it.