Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What Kind of Porn Do You Like/Watch?”

Since Oceanswater asked about this, well, here goes: Do guys who watch porn also watch M2M porn as well and on the sly? Yep, some guys do but not want to admit to it. What straight porn or girl-on-girl porn? You betcha! Two guys getting jiggy with each other?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! Why would I watch some shit like that?”

It’s just that for some guys, it’s curiosity to see this thing that a lot of guys are “reported” as doing to each other or “What’s the big deal about it?” and, interestingly enough, not all guys who’d take a peek are bisexual and probably wouldn’t even dream of being bi. But get this:

A lot of guys who admit to watching porn will almost invariably say that they love watching some hot babe getting fucked senseless by some guy with a huge dick and especially if the flick they’re watching is of the “internal” variety – homey doesn’t pull out and spray da spunk all over the place for the classic money shot.

Some guys might even admit to liking that very close up shot that shows the guy’s dick pumping away inside Ms. Hot Babe… and, perhaps, without really realizing what they’re paying the most attention to.

The guy’s dick and whether girlfriend is doing an amazing job sucking it or is taking it like her life depends on having it, moaning and groaning and all that. If it’s a money shot, sure, they’re watching girlfriend getting a mouth or face full of spunk but guys also take note – and without awareness or with it – of how much juice homey is unloading.

Ask them about M2M porn and they might wanna punch you in the face for implying or suggesting that they’d find it interesting. Truth is some guys do… good luck trying to get them to admit it. I’ve mentioned that “Are you aware of what you’re looking at?” thing to some guy’s and they’ll categorically deny that they were looking at the dick and that all of their attention is on the hot babe… as far as they know because even if you’re focused on the coochie being reamed out by the monster-sized dick, you can’t unsee it and, perhaps, a lot of guys are unaware that that’s what they’re really doing because they’re busy imagining themselves in the on-screen guy’s place.

And the camera guys go out of their way to get those spectacular shots of the dick in the pussy, don’t they, so the viewer can get the best look possible of that dick going in a out and the guy’s balls swinging and slapping away at every thrust.

Ask them if they’d watch two guys doing it and see what they’d say and more so if they say that they would and why; you’d probably find their response quite an interesting one.

Even the guys who’d admit and confess to watching “gay porn” would prefer that no one knows about that and because of what it implies: If you’re watching it, you must be interested in doing it. Not really the truth because, you see, man are sexually visual creatures – we like to watch sexual happening and even if you watch straight porn – and you’re paying attention – you’ll see the guy looking down and watching what he’s doing, you know, like he needs to see what he knows he’s doing.

To see two guys blowing each other or, gasp, fucking each other is a visual that tends to clash with our “visual aspect” versus the fact that two guys shouldn’t be doing this to each other at all so, by itself, it’s the bad car wreck you don’t ever want to see… but can’t stop looking at and no matter how grisly it is.

And some guys would even go as far to make clear that just because they “might” watch some “gay” porn for the, ah, educational and entertainment value, there’s no way in hell they’d do such a thing. And maybe they wouldn’t… but for some folks, that doesn’t explain why they’d even watch such a thing and sometimes the reason is, “That’s them, not me…”

Women have issues with guys who watch porn and if you’re a guy, you’ve probably caught all kinds of hell for watching it or being accused of watching it when you don’t. Now imagine trying to explain to a woman why you – a guy – are watching two dudes having sex… and you’ll understand why some guys do this in secret and probably wouldn’t admit to it even if forced to do so.

I mean, do you really want to tell your boys that, um, you like watching dudes sucking and dicking each other down and run the risk of being laughed at or, gasp – horrors of horrors – have your sexuality questioned? Even on the forum where this question gets asked a lot, you can see guys admit to watching porn but “gay” porn isn’t their cup of tea… but they’ll deal with the dick without giving it a second thought.

Yeah, think about that one for a moment. Some guys will say that it’s really kinda pointless to watch an porn because watching someone else having sex isn’t as exciting as being the one having sex… but even those guys will admit to sometimes giving “gay” porn a peek, you know, just to see if their attitudes about it has changed; it’s not like it’s gonna make their dick hard or anything like that, right?

And, honestly, some guys watch “gay” porn because it’s there to be watched, that and when you watch enough straight porn, you’re not really going to see anything you’ve not seen before – straight porn can be rather predictable and boring – but so can “gay” porn but, sure, isn’t it kinda/sorta fascinating to see some guy taking a huge cock in his ass or watching that guy gulp down a dick so long and thick that it triggers your own gag reflex just watching it?

You just ain’t gonna get very many guys to admit to it. I’ve watched it and, yeah, I find it both interesting and boringly predictable that when my protege starts “porn bombing” me with various things, sure, I’ll peek to see what got his attention but, yeah, I already know how it’s all gonna go down before I even look at it – if you’ve seen it once, you’ll pretty much see it every time. Kiss, kiss, and more kissing; some cock sucking by one or both guys; one guy gets nailed in the butt hard and fast; guy pulls out, shoots sperm somewhere, guys kiss some more and grin at each other, fade to black.

And the thing that I’d say makes this interesting to watch is that it’s two guys doing the same things you’d see in straight porn and even some girl-on-girl porn follows the same “playbook,” if you will. It’s not that it’s unknown that guy sex the daylights out of each other – it’s just very different seeing it.

I’m sure that as some folks are reading this, they might feel a great urge saying that their last meal wants to revisit them in an unpleasant way – and that’s understandable. Doesn’t change the fact that some guys, and regardless to sexuality, find a reason to watch it.

You just might not get them to admit it or be truthful about why they’re watching it. Oceanswater, on the forum, the guy’s do talk about it – what they like and don’t like about it but that’s to be expected since the forum members are inclined to like dick in theory or in practice. Whether they’d admit or confess it to other people they know is that different kettle of fish and, no, they’re not likely to be hanging out with their male friends – and friends they “know” to be straight, and start talking about this hot gay porn flick they saw last night.

And if they’re in a relationship – married or otherwise – they’re sure as hell not gonna tell their lady that some of the porn they like to watch doesn’t have any women in it. Some women do know their guy sneaks and watches it; some couples actually sit down and watch it together. But generally?

Nope, not something we talk about like discussing the weather. Chances are that you’d tell another guy about the sex you and your woman had last night before you’d confess to watching two dudes going at it and you were sporting a major boner the whole time and you had to jerk off to release the pressure…

Because it jut screams “gay;” it is taken and it’s implied that if you’re watching it, you not only want to do to you are actively doing it and even if this is true, it’s best that no one else knows about any of it.

Would you admit to someone that you watch girl-on-girl porn? Do you know any of your female friends who would admit it… even if you knew that they did? If so, perhaps it’ll give you more insight as to why guys who do won’t talk about it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Top Searches Time Again!

It’s laundry day and in between attending to the washer and dryer, I’ve had this urge to write but couldn’t focus on anything in particular… until I happened to see this in my Top  Searches area:  “gay porn older younger.”

Of course, I’ve seen this in gay porn and I can accept that this… preference does exist even though I think porn greatly exaggerates the whole dynamic.  When I first had reason to ponder this, I could understand how someone younger could find someone much older exciting and desirable or how someone older could be more hyped about some young 20-something more than someone their own age (or close enough for government work).  Youth represents vitality, age represents experience… and some young dudes just have daddy issues while some older guys have been accused of being latently pedophilic because they have a sexual preference for someone much younger than they are and even if the younger guy is legally old enough to have consensual sex.

In gay porn, I’ve always seen this particular dynamic from the perspective of the older man being the dominant one and the younger being rather feminine-looking as well as submissive and the selection of actors in these portrayals have always had me scratching my head; like I said, I think porn tends to lean more toward what’s more visually stimulating than what can happen in a more real-life situation.  In my mind, this always brings up thoughts of sexual age discrimination and that… notion that if you’re gonna have sex with someone, do it with someone who’s close to your own age.  This younger/older thing can just rub people the wrong way and even when it’s being done legally, it’s still kinda believed to be immoral for an older man – and one who’s supposed to know better – to take a younger man sexually – and it’s assumed that they don’t know any better than to let an older man seduce and use them for sex.

But when you go way back to ancient times, you can see where it was deemed to be all well and good for an older man to take a younger man as a lover and, basically, use the youngster as he would a woman; as long as the older man wasn’t the one getting done in the butt by the younger man and the younger man hadn’t started growing facial or pubic hair, then such sexual liaisons were acceptable and it was only if such things kept going after the “boy” was considered to now be an adult where the tenets against homosexuality kicked in and, as we know, doing shit like this today can get you a life sentence in prison if the “boy” ain’t a legal, consenting adult.

It’s hard to look at this kind of porn and not see the older man as a predator and the younger man as prey and, sometimes, I think we – as a society – don’t ever think that the older man could be the younger man’s prey; there’s just no way a guy who’s 30-40 years younger than his target could possible know how to seduce the older man and because he needs to… he just doesn’t have the experience in life to know about this!  But we know – or we should know – that this is just another one of those “lies” morality tells us so that we are shielded from what could be true when it comes to this.

I can look at this kind of porn with some serious detachment; I understand the mechanism… but I don’t pretend to understand the attraction outside of it being two men who want to have sex with each other.  I know it makes me do a logic check about my own preferences when it comes to this and while I’ll “jokingly” say that I don’t care how old he is as long as he’s legal, well, it’s really not that simple so if a guy’s 18 and talking about wanting to get with me, if you can’t pass my “maturity test,” nope, ain’t gonna happen, sonny.  Not because I have this age discrimination thing going on but I’ve been the youngster that caught the eye of someone much older and while I can’t honestly say that they seduced me, yeah, I got down with them and if they thought they were getting someone gullible and naive in the ways of sex, um, they found out that I wasn’t that guy.  But I know how this can go very bad for someone with little life and sexual experience so if you’re 18, you’d better have your shit together – and it’s my idea of that and not yours… and even if you do have it together, I still might tell you no because it could still get out of hand and give me problems I’d rather not have to deal with.

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve gotten notes from guys 18-25 on “that site” and they wanna get with me because I am old enough to be their father; some are looking to get schooled in the ways of man-sex, some are going with their “fixation” on a father figure, and some are looking for an older man to literally take care of them in a sugar daddy way.  Don’t get me wrong:  There’s nothing wrong with youthful enthusiasm but it’s not all that difficult to see that experience – a whole lot of experience – is the better way to go.  Yes, there are guys in my age range who are less experienced having sex with other men… but they have life experience and maturity that few younger men can bring to the bed… or the floor… or the sofa… or the chair… or the kitchen table/counter – you get the idea, right?

In the real world – and in the way I look at this younger/older thing – it’s not so much the younger man’s age as it is about where his head is and not in the “Do you know what you’re doing?” sense but more in the “Do you understand what the deal is here?” way.  I’m not saying that a 20-something dude is immature and ignorant about sex because they can be very much so; it’s just when you compare experiences in life and sex where there’s such a great, disparate gap that maybe shouldn’t be bridged… then again, what’s the best way for our hypothetical 20-something to get schooled in so many areas?  Get someone older and more experienced to teach them.  And it’s not that we, at the social level, don’t understand this because we do; it just seems to be so… predatory to see a flick where a guy around my age is dick-deep in some pretty 20-something’s backside.  You can even see some of these flicks where that predatory thing is the theme of the  film, you know, where the older, wiser and knowledgeable man imposes his will on the young, unknowing tenderoni… well, unknowing until you see that the tenderoni is miraculously and suddenly  a master cock sucker and takes the older man’s cock in is ass with a smile more than some impression of being panicked; the younger guy sure as hell ain’t acting like prey.

This kind of porn is, in a way, no different from other porn in that it’s “art” trying to imitate life and in an exaggerated way and shouldn’t ever be used as some kind of primer for sexual behavior and all because life isn’t scripted – but porn is; the men you see on the screen are actors who are getting paid for their performance but in the real world, you’re dealing with real people and this shit just doesn’t work the same way as it appears on a screen.

Time to check on the clothes in the dryer…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Does Gay Porn Impact Bisexual Guys?

I would say that the answer to this question is yes and I’d go on to say that it does in both good and bad ways.  Good because a guy who has never had sex with another guy can see what the deal is… bad because it can portray things that aren’t what I’d call “par for the course.”  It can depict the, ah, diversity of gay sex – and, at this point, I’ll remind ya that it is gay sex in case you’re of a mind that it isn’t – but it does so in settings that can make me say, “Um, I wouldn’t do that…”

Gay porn, like most porn, sends mixed messages and some that can make me – a guy who has had a lot of sex with men – nervous or even incredulous.  Like, last night, I saw a clip on Tumblr where this one guy was sitting astride another guy; the guy “on top” hauled off and slapped the shit out of the guy beneath him – and then started forcing the guy who got slapped to seriously deep-throat his dick.  I thought, “If homey had slapped me like that, he’d be in the hospital shortly after he did it…”

Another clip showed a dude who looked like he belongs on the FBI’s Most Wanted list wailing away in another guy’s ass… and with his hand wrapped around the throat of the guy being fucked and I said, “Okay, how is being fucked and choked a fun thing?”  And, yes, I thought about how badly I’d hurt someone who tried to choke me during sex; it’s bad enough being man-handled but, at least for me, that “foot on the neck” thing can tell a guy who has never had the sex some pretty fucked up things, like it’s SOP when having sex with another man.  Indeed, it didn’t escape me that porn is depicting the same kind of behavior with guy-on-girl sex and, at least to me, that’s disturbing because there are too many people out there who’d believe that just because they saw this on porn, well, this must be the way to do the nasty with anyone.

I realize that my own preferences and biases tend to creep in when I see these things but I’ve also realized that, over the years and with all the gay porn I’ve ever seen, I’ve never seen a situation where I’d say to myself, “God, I wish that was me doing that!”  Then again, I’ve been in enough sexual situations with men to have learned what I’d put up with and what would get the other dude in near-mortal danger… but when I put myself in the situation where I’m thinking about having my first time at this (and that’s not hard to do), I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t use gay porn as an educational tool.  The bad part is that, in thinking like a first-timer, if I just wanted to see what it looked like, gay porn is pretty much the only way to see it without having to be involved directly.

I’ve talked to men in the past who were disturbed that no one would want to have sex with them because they weren’t born with a ten-inch sledgehammer between their legs and I’ve asked them, “What makes you think you need a big dick?” and they’ve all said, “Well, I saw this gay porn flick…” and not only are they buying into the “bigger is better” thing but they believe that not having a big dick disqualifies them for having sex with a man.  I can’t recall precisely how many times I’ve talked to a guy about having sex and he’s apologized for only having a five-inch dick when hard… or how many times I’ve been told that if I didn’t have at least seven inches or more, I wasn’t worth talking to.  Yeah… and they say women can be size queens, right?

I reasoned that if there are some forms of gay sex that’ll make my skin crawl or put me into a defensive frame of mind or will make me say, “What the fuck?” then some guy looking to have his first time with this just might be dissuaded from taking the plunge – and I’ve been around the block a few times with this stuff.  Now, I’m not gonna say that some dude might find the acts depicted in gay porn not to their liking; some guys who’ve never thrown down like this do have an idea of how they’d want it to happen for their first time and watching it brings what they’ve imagined to life; I’ve certainly talked to first-time guys who’ve asked me if I would, say, tie them up, pretty much beat the shit out of them, and then fuck them like I was an animal.  I’ve had first-time guys tell me that they want to be totally dominated and made to submit and the more humiliating I can make it for them, they better they’d like it.  This ain’t me at all… but when I’ve asked them what put this idea in their head, yep, it got there because of some gay porn they watched.

I’ve had guys ask before the fact, “Um, you’re not gonna kiss me, are you? and, yep, I’ve told them no but have asked why they thought I would even try to and, uh-huh, they’ve referenced gay porn as the reason why they’re so concerned about this.  I’ve had guys ask me if I was gonna bust a nut in/on their face or cum in their mouth and, again, they’ve cited gay porn as the source of their concern.  And, yes, I’ve had many guys looking to have their first time ask me if I was gonna fuck them and gay porn has once again be cited as the source of their fears; one guy asked, “Well, isn’t it always about fucking the other guy?”

Uh, no, not necessarily… but if you believe what you’re watching to be the “gospel” of men having sex with men, it can be very misleading and, for some, very discouraging when that first time is being contemplated.  Sure, it can look like tons of fun… until you actually do it; I often think that some guys don’t think about the fact that if they’re watching gay porn, they’re watching something that’s been scripted and someone’s idea of what’s erotic, sensual, sexy, etc..  I think it escapes them that they’re watching actors and that whatever they’re watching may or may not reflect a real-life situation.  Yep, it’ll show you what can be done but I’d caution any first-time guy to not believe that anything they might see watching gay porn should be done to themselves or to some other guy.  I guess we tend to believe what we see and, often, without giving much thought about what we’re seeing or even why we’re seeing it.  You can watch some gay porn that’ll make you think and/or believe that it’s easy to, say, get a straight guy to have sex with you… and it is… when you’re watching porn – try it in real life and find out what’ll happen.

Gay porn, in my opinion, sends a lot of wrong messages and, yeah, if I was a bi guy looking to have my first time, I wouldn’t use gay porn as a primer or a “how-to” guide.  I’m not saying that a newbie couldn’t learn something from watching gay porn – I would, however, say that they shouldn’t take what they’re watching as a matter of course, that what you see on the screen is what always takes place… and they sure as hell shouldn’t try to emulate what they’ve seen and to the degree that’s being portrayed.  It’s not easy to suck dick; likewise, it’s not easy taking a very big dick in your ass.  Not every man you might have sex with wants to be treated like he’s your bitch and few men want to be treated like one.  Not every man wants to be humiliated or even emasculated, taken “by force,” taken roughly, or even in some imagined “romantic” way.  It’s not a requirement to be leather-clad or to wear jock straps instead of regular underwear and, fuck no, having a dick that hangs down to your knees when soft isn’t some dyed-in-the-wool requirement.

Gay porn kinda tells you that it is and, yeah, I do believe that it can impact bisexual men and in some not-so-good ways…

 

Older/Younger Gay Porn

So… when I maximized my Outlook mail client to see what nuggets were there, uh-huh, I got an email about the title of this blog and, holla! – here come the thoughts!

First thought:  “Hah, and some people wonder where male pedophiles get their ideas from?

Second thought (looking at the pics provided):  “Shit, if I was in my twenties, I wouldn’t let any of those guys anywhere near me!  They might be something but “old” they ain’t!  Nice tats, though…”

Third thought (still looking at the pics provided):  “Hey… is that an inch-wide metal cock ring around homey’s nuts?  How the fuck did he get that thing on?”

Fourth thought (and still looking at the pics and the cock ring in particular):  “Why is it that every time I get one of these emails, there are guys wearing cock rings?  Shit, I’m surprised that they haven’t managed to castrate themselves as snug as those fuckers look…”

Fifth thought (yeah, pics again):  “Don’t these guys own razors?  What, do the people who think this shit up really believe that a beard (or some other scruffiness) is what being older is about?  And that one guy needs to slide into a tub full of Nair and soak for a long time…”

Sixth thought (uh-huh, I’m on a roll):  “Are there really people who get off looking at this fake-assed shit?”

 

So, Yesterday…

I got yet another email from the gay porn site about “high performance men” and while that notation kinda had me rolling my eyes, it was something said in the description that caught my attention, like how these guys are masculine and confident, aren’t arrogant (really?), and are comfortable with their sexuality.  The, um, ‘models’ depicted didn’t invoke any interest in me other than a couple of them had nice boners… but the question popped into my head about why they just had to mention that the men they were talking about were masculine – and what message, if any, such an assertion says.  In previous posts, I’ve talked about how I’ve noticed that a lot more men are getting into gay sex because it won’t affect their manliness, not as it was believed in the past.  One could ask – and I did – whether or not the message is to men who happen to stumble upon this site and is telling them, “Hey, look, you can have sex with guys like this and not worry about losing your manhood!”  One positive I took away from the ad was their use of the word, “confident,” because, sure enough, being confident in this aspect of sex (or sex period) is a good thing.

I guess the other message – if you wanna call it as such – was, “Hey, look!  Here are some men that don’t look like flat-chested girls from the navel up!  And they actually look like they eat real food, too – they’re not skinny!”  That crossed my mind and I chuckled softly to myself and more so since under the ad for these high performance guys were a couple of skinny waifs… like the site somehow knows that these guys make me roll my eyes a lot so they keep sending ad with them in it.  Yeah, I know – they’re really showing that they have something for every man’s tastes… but I even question this because in all the time I’ve been getting these emails, I’ve yet to see a ‘model’ I’d want to go to bed with; having a nice cock just isn’t a good enough reason.

Perhaps the ‘message’ was, “Fellas, okay, check this shit out – you don’t have to be effeminate to have this kind of sex!”  I know that in the past, a lot of men used to harp on the fact that having sex with another man would somehow and instantly turn you into a limp-wristed, hip-swaying, parody of a woman.  I ain’t gonna say that it doesn’t happen because some guys have found, upon their first experience, that they’re really gay – I’m just saying that you’re not gonna reach out and grab another man’s cock and immediately start doing your best Ru Paul impression.

Confidence.  I asked myself, “Self?  How does this really work?  What exactly does this confidence consist of?”  It was a pretty good question and part of the answer didn’t have anything to do with being confident of one’s ability to do things, like, being concerned about one’s cock sucking skills although I’ve heard men express a lack on confidence in their skill, i.e., “I’m not really good at this but I’ll do my best…”  No, the deeper answer, methinks, is being confident and knowing that even though you’re getting ready to do something that’s morally unacceptable and full of more shit than a waste treatment plant, it’s not going to fuck with one’s core belief in themselves.  This answer is actually a lot deeper than my humble words can say but it’s something I understand very well, just as I understand that one’s confidence in this can be rattled, shaken, and even destroyed under the right situation.

This confidence is somewhat different from, say, having doubts about whether or not having sex at this time or in this place or with this guy (or all of the above) is really a good thing to do.  You have to be confident enough in your sexuality and desires to be able to say yes to the proposition even when you know that after the deal is made, there’s no telling how things are going to play out.  I dug around in my memories and saw that in my cock-crazy days, if I had an inkling of confidence, I wasn’t aware of it – who has time to think about this when there’s a nice, hard dick to be sucked or a nice, soft ass to fuck?  I know that at some point I had my confidence tested and severely so, so bad that not only did I think that getting with this guy was a bad idea, it was a bad idea to even think about doing things like this and I was shaken so badly that I couldn’t even finish taking my clothes off for him.  I don’t remember what it was about the situation that spooked me… but I know I was a mere second away from chickening out – but he was a really decent guy, must have sensed that I was having a problem, and we talked for a while until I was confident enough to tell him that, yeah, we can do this now.

If nothing else, I got a taste of what I’d seen in other men who bailed out on the sex at the last moment; it’s that very weird thing where you know that you want to do this but at the moment of truth, your confidence decides to go wait in the car or otherwise vacate the premises.  It’s a very sick feeling that reaches right into the core of you and to say that it doesn’t feel good is a gross understatement.  Thus, confidence – at least in this context – is all about knowing that you can do this and without what I’d call crises of faith intervening and having to say to yourself, “I don’t think I can do this…”  It had me wondering if Guilt, everyone’s worst enemy, is behind the scenes and fucking with one’s buttons; perhaps in the deep reaches of your consciousness, you know you don’t have any damned business letting this other guy fuck your ass or you’re fucking his, sucking cock or being sucked and Guilt, being the cunt-blocking bastard he can be – picks just the right moment to grab your confidence in your sexuality and give it a good hard shaking.

When I think about it like this, yeah, I’ve had my confidence shaken quite a few times and only a great effort of will has kept me from falling apart at the seams; I’ve had to ensure myself that if I couldn’t do this, I wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place and other such quick confidence boosters.  And I suppose it happens to all of us who engage in sex like this although frequency of such events are unknown; I just figure that if it’s happened to me, it’s probably happened to a lot of other guys, too… but I could be wrong.

I have, at times, incorrectly stated that all that’s required to do this is the desire to do it and that I’m going to have to revise that statement and include the word “confident” because desire alone will not get one through any of this… and I realize that the reason I’ve said it like that is because the confidence required is implied, like, you can’t have one without the other being in place as well.  I’ve slapped myself hard on the wrists for being so imprecise and offer up apologies where needed and required.

In any event, I found the wording of the ad rather pointed and not as much aimed at gay or bi men who are used to throwing down like this but maybe at the guys who are thinking about it but aren’t so confident about their ability to do this and remain as masculine as he believes himself to be.  Perhaps the people who created the ad knows, through some means, that there are more men who want to straddle the line between straight and gay and this is their way, again, of telling them that, sure, it’s okay to suck that dick and then take it in ass – and still be 100% masculine.  Then I think real-world and, specifically, the conversation Assentively Yours and I had about wanting to be in the feminine/submissive role when having sex with a man – being a bottom.  Would this ad give guys who prefer and enjoy being the one doing all the pleasing an affirmation that they can assume this rather controversial role and still feel and be confidently masculine?  Would it say to a bottom that, dude, you can have just as much fun being a top or versatile if you have the confidence in yourself?

Hmm, I don’t know about that one and one can only assume that is possible in theory; I don’t know any tops who have decided to be solely bottoms or bottoms who have decided that being a top is more their speed; it’s as if men get into one of these three roles and just stay put… and perhaps because they have the confidence to stay put.  Where am I going with all of this?  Fuck if I know – it was on my mind so I wrote about it…

 

Uncomfortable

There aren’t many things about having sex with men that make me uncomfortable but I’m about to go on yet another rant about gay porn.  While checking my email accounts, I saw that the gay porn pay site sent me an email about their latest releases and I took a peek at it, you know, to get a look at some nice cocks.  While this email didn’t flash me with any dick, what it did flash me with was something that, at the core of myself, makes me uncomfortable – scenes of men bound up by other men and taken sexually.  I know it happens, just like I know there are guys who are very much into gay BDSM stuff and while I know that I don’t have the temperament to play those games, it’s the hidden message that makes me shiver at times and something that can make a straight man’s bowels get all loose and watery:

The thought of being dominated.  Perhaps my discomfort is illogical because if you know anything about sex, someone’s the taker and someone is the “takee;” even if you agree to have a certain facet of sex with a guy, you’re still setting yourself up to be taken by the other man or even used by him for his own gratification.  It’s that sense of losing one’s manhood that a lot of men find so disturbing, to be made to be someone’s bitch, and gay porn doesn’t really help dispel these feelings when they show big, strapping men being bound in leather and chains and totally helpless and at the mercy of the guy with the really big dick who’s getting ready to put it to good use.  I can look at this with some clinical detachment because it creates a stereotype that I find unattractive and my curiosity works hard to make sense of such a thing, like, why does gay porn portray gay sex as something brutal?  Getting all bound up and confined to a sex swing while getting my mouth and ass fucked isn’t my idea of having fun and watching scenes like this really gives me that “you’re my bitch, bitch!” feeling and more so when I know my mind doesn’t accept that being a bitch thing.

Yet, when I agree to have sex with a man and he’s having his way with me, isn’t that what’s happening?  You do submit to whatever’s going on, accepting the classic feminine role in the sex when you’re on the receiving end, right?  Right – there’s no escaping this fact, is there?  So it’s easy to accept this in a real-life situation but gay porn, well, can take this to an extreme that can be bothersome.

Along with the guys all hooked up and restrained, the email had one flick about older men and younger guys… and the picture provided just screamed “predator” to me for a moment.  Yep, I know there are young men out there looking for that “daddy” to punish them for being “bad” just as I know there are older guys who don’t enjoy sex with a man their own age, preferring someone who’s younger and, perhaps, more gullible and pliable.  It’s another illogical response and more so since I’ve been both the younger guy and the older guy in my exploits; logic suggests that if this combo seems shady, then one should avoid being in that situation… but there’s nothing logical about this.  On the real, age has never mattered and men, being opportunistic, will just indulge in their desires for this discrepancy in age – and because it’s such a taboo thing even when the younger guy is of legal age.  So, logic again suggests that if I’ve been in this situation – and on either side of the age barrier – then seeing gay porn that highlights this shouldn’t bother me… but this particular pic did and having seen flicks in the old guy/young stud genre, well, I dunno, I guess that the fact that gay porn likes to showcase the predator/prey thing just has a way of fucking with me at times… and maybe because I know that real life is a lot more insidious when it comes to this.

Then I got to the part featuring twinks, you know, those guys who look like they’ve not yet reached puberty and could stand more than a few home-cooked meals.  Again, I had that predator sense as my eyes took in the provided picture but due to their body type, there was another impression floating in the back of my mind that, for a moment, didn’t “allow” me to see men – it’s hard to put the feeling into words but I knew it made me frown.  It had me searching my memories to see if I’d ever thrown down with a twinky kind of guy and, yeah, there were two memories:  My Air Force roommate and the guy I fell in love with years later.  I realized that the thing that bothered me about these two guys is that their body type went right along with their feminine personality and, well, shit, I know I didn’t get into it with them because they looked like starving waifs.  Gay porn always put guys like this in a girly-kind of light and more so when they’re paired up with some muscle-bound, brutish type of guy.

I finished reading the email and eyeballing the flesh, shook myself out of that weird place, and deleted the email… but the thoughts it invoked stayed with me and I was “inspired” to write about how it made me feel because when I think about sex with other men, I just don’t think about gay sex in the way gay porn portrays it.  On the one hand, I guess it speaks well of me that I don’t buy into the stereotypical shit, like gay sex has to be all rough and tumble or overly “feminine” or even see myself as an older guy with a taste for younger dick.  For me, it’s about the person and where their head is more than having a particular taste, you know, like the BDSM thing I could never get into because someone would get seriously hurt – and I wouldn’t be the first one.

Ah, I can see Pyx reading this part and laughing her ass off…

If I had an objection to porn, it’s that it greatly exaggerates things; it creates disturbing stereotypes and, as such, can give men who are interested in this kind of sex the wrong impressions about what’s fun and desirable and what isn’t, like creating the belief that if you lie down with a man, you are expected and required to (1) do his bidding and (2) do all of the shit that can be done.  It can put the “wrong” idea in a man’s mind, like the only way he can gain sexual satisfaction is to slake his lust on someone who appears to be harmless… or putting another man in a situation where he cannot resist or escape the power a man’s lust can bring to the table.

So why pay any attention to this?  Because despite the hype gay porn presents, it’s a hard truth.  While gay porn tries to cover “general” sexual themes, yeah, there are times when I’ve been aggressive and made another guy “my bitch” just like there have been times when I’ve been on the receiving end and have felt like a bitch; there have been times when I was young, tasty prey and where I was the old guy “taking advantage” of a younger guy trying to find his way along the path of man sex.  It serves to give me a slap in the face when I see something that makes me frown or makes me feel uncomfortable because with the exception of the BDSM stuff, I’ve been there, done that, and have more T-shirts than I care to admit to – but it’s not as if I’ve never thought of what it would be like to make someone comply or being made to comply.  It drives home the reality that, yeah, I’ve been ‘that guy’ and despite my mind’s attempts to protect me from that reality and defend my masculinity, such as it is.  It’s like a bad car accident – you don’t want to see it but you can’t stop looking.  It reminds me that I should not and cannot be hypocritical about this:  I must be honest with myself about the things I’ve done and what I might do in some future moment.

You have to be able to see the sex for what it really is.  It’s nice when we can romanticize it or otherwise convince ourselves that it isn’t what it really is; we’re not really being the other guy’s bitch; no one is forcing themselves onto us or otherwise treating us like a victim or as prey.  And, yeah, when I strip away the veneer and take off the rose-colored glasses, yeah, it can make me a little uncomfortable… but without shame or regret.  It reinforces something that, as bi men, we should be able to relate to, namely, what we put our women through when we have sex with them – this is a unique perspective that straight men cannot relate to because they’ve never had their face fucked good and hard nor have they experienced what it feels like to be fucked or otherwise taken for another man’s pleasure.

Gay porn, like straight porn, is art imitating life… but it’s still a reality that cannot be ignored even if makes us uncomfortable…