It’s laundry day and in between attending to the washer and dryer, I’ve had this urge to write but couldn’t focus on anything in particular… until I happened to see this in my Top Searches area: “gay porn older younger.”
Of course, I’ve seen this in gay porn and I can accept that this… preference does exist even though I think porn greatly exaggerates the whole dynamic. When I first had reason to ponder this, I could understand how someone younger could find someone much older exciting and desirable or how someone older could be more hyped about some young 20-something more than someone their own age (or close enough for government work). Youth represents vitality, age represents experience… and some young dudes just have daddy issues while some older guys have been accused of being latently pedophilic because they have a sexual preference for someone much younger than they are and even if the younger guy is legally old enough to have consensual sex.
In gay porn, I’ve always seen this particular dynamic from the perspective of the older man being the dominant one and the younger being rather feminine-looking as well as submissive and the selection of actors in these portrayals have always had me scratching my head; like I said, I think porn tends to lean more toward what’s more visually stimulating than what can happen in a more real-life situation. In my mind, this always brings up thoughts of sexual age discrimination and that… notion that if you’re gonna have sex with someone, do it with someone who’s close to your own age. This younger/older thing can just rub people the wrong way and even when it’s being done legally, it’s still kinda believed to be immoral for an older man – and one who’s supposed to know better – to take a younger man sexually – and it’s assumed that they don’t know any better than to let an older man seduce and use them for sex.
But when you go way back to ancient times, you can see where it was deemed to be all well and good for an older man to take a younger man as a lover and, basically, use the youngster as he would a woman; as long as the older man wasn’t the one getting done in the butt by the younger man and the younger man hadn’t started growing facial or pubic hair, then such sexual liaisons were acceptable and it was only if such things kept going after the “boy” was considered to now be an adult where the tenets against homosexuality kicked in and, as we know, doing shit like this today can get you a life sentence in prison if the “boy” ain’t a legal, consenting adult.
It’s hard to look at this kind of porn and not see the older man as a predator and the younger man as prey and, sometimes, I think we – as a society – don’t ever think that the older man could be the younger man’s prey; there’s just no way a guy who’s 30-40 years younger than his target could possible know how to seduce the older man and because he needs to… he just doesn’t have the experience in life to know about this! But we know – or we should know – that this is just another one of those “lies” morality tells us so that we are shielded from what could be true when it comes to this.
I can look at this kind of porn with some serious detachment; I understand the mechanism… but I don’t pretend to understand the attraction outside of it being two men who want to have sex with each other. I know it makes me do a logic check about my own preferences when it comes to this and while I’ll “jokingly” say that I don’t care how old he is as long as he’s legal, well, it’s really not that simple so if a guy’s 18 and talking about wanting to get with me, if you can’t pass my “maturity test,” nope, ain’t gonna happen, sonny. Not because I have this age discrimination thing going on but I’ve been the youngster that caught the eye of someone much older and while I can’t honestly say that they seduced me, yeah, I got down with them and if they thought they were getting someone gullible and naive in the ways of sex, um, they found out that I wasn’t that guy. But I know how this can go very bad for someone with little life and sexual experience so if you’re 18, you’d better have your shit together – and it’s my idea of that and not yours… and even if you do have it together, I still might tell you no because it could still get out of hand and give me problems I’d rather not have to deal with.
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve gotten notes from guys 18-25 on “that site” and they wanna get with me because I am old enough to be their father; some are looking to get schooled in the ways of man-sex, some are going with their “fixation” on a father figure, and some are looking for an older man to literally take care of them in a sugar daddy way. Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with youthful enthusiasm but it’s not all that difficult to see that experience – a whole lot of experience – is the better way to go. Yes, there are guys in my age range who are less experienced having sex with other men… but they have life experience and maturity that few younger men can bring to the bed… or the floor… or the sofa… or the chair… or the kitchen table/counter – you get the idea, right?
In the real world – and in the way I look at this younger/older thing – it’s not so much the younger man’s age as it is about where his head is and not in the “Do you know what you’re doing?” sense but more in the “Do you understand what the deal is here?” way. I’m not saying that a 20-something dude is immature and ignorant about sex because they can be very much so; it’s just when you compare experiences in life and sex where there’s such a great, disparate gap that maybe shouldn’t be bridged… then again, what’s the best way for our hypothetical 20-something to get schooled in so many areas? Get someone older and more experienced to teach them. And it’s not that we, at the social level, don’t understand this because we do; it just seems to be so… predatory to see a flick where a guy around my age is dick-deep in some pretty 20-something’s backside. You can even see some of these flicks where that predatory thing is the theme of the film, you know, where the older, wiser and knowledgeable man imposes his will on the young, unknowing tenderoni… well, unknowing until you see that the tenderoni is miraculously and suddenly a master cock sucker and takes the older man’s cock in is ass with a smile more than some impression of being panicked; the younger guy sure as hell ain’t acting like prey.
This kind of porn is, in a way, no different from other porn in that it’s “art” trying to imitate life and in an exaggerated way and shouldn’t ever be used as some kind of primer for sexual behavior and all because life isn’t scripted – but porn is; the men you see on the screen are actors who are getting paid for their performance but in the real world, you’re dealing with real people and this shit just doesn’t work the same way as it appears on a screen.
Time to check on the clothes in the dryer…