I saw this during my reading the news moment of my daily routine and, at first, I wasn’t going to look at it since I know why married women cheat but curiosity got the best of me so I decided to read it to see if the reasons given matched what I know.
And they did so, nope, not really surprised by any of what the article said and, of particular interest, it even stated something I’ve said time and time again about infidelity: If you don’t take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will.
The article mentioned that in the minds of many, men are the number one cheaters of all times… and suggests that, um, not exactly the whole truth of things but, sure, it’s what we believe just the same. The article, I think, did a good job of pointing out the things that’ll make a married woman cheat on her hubby and made sure to mention that there’s no one specific reason that can be pointed to as a “major reason” why married women cheat.
They do. And for whatever reason makes sense to them. Sometimes there’s a reason a woman can point to and sometimes shit happens and, to be honest, we’re pretty clueless to think and suggest that shit should never happen.
Now, in my way of thinking, this doesn’t give married women a black eye or, really, says anything bad about them… but it is an indictment against monogamy and how it locks people into a pattern and cycle of behavior that isn’t always in someone’s best interests to be in and does, in fact, set the stage for a prime reason why anyone cheats: When needs aren’t being met or otherwise ignored. Indeed, the article accurately and correctly stated that women who cheat on their husbands do love their husband and don’t want to leave him – they just want more than one man could ever hope to provide.
The article warns men to be more observant and attentive to their wife’s needs and this makes sense… doesn’t mean wifey isn’t going to want to experience someone else because of an overlooked need or, as the article said, because they fucking can.
The fact of things is that one can do everything humanly possible to make their partner a happy camper and something like this can still happen. Indeed, some women step to the side because, in their minds, their husband is an overbearing son of a bitch, always all up in her business and, frankly and basically, just getting on her last good nerve and she just needs a break from that level of attention… or scrutiny, if you prefer.
Sometimes, a woman just wants someone else to take them and fuck them silly; sometimes, they just want another or different level of emotional satisfaction or comfort, not that hubby is totally incompetent or anything like that but simply because it’s different… and it’s not coming from the guy she does, in fact, love.
I know what you’re thinking: If she loves him so much, why would she do some shit like this? The answer is that marriage and being monogamous does not allow any room for being able to not only anticipate someone undergoing the usual changes people just undergo but allows zero recourse. A married woman can have her needs attended to quite well but at some point, those needs change for some reason or another and it is assumed and implied that when you get married, the person you marry is all you will ever need and that wanting/needing anything other than your mate just should never, ever happen.
Marriage and monogamy doesn’t take the human factor into consideration at all and makes – and puts – men and women in a very and nearly impossible situation: Take care of each and every need the two of you have… and, oh, yeah, provided the two of you even know this because if wifey finds she has the need for someone else, do you really think she’s gonna mention this to her husband? Do you really believe that it’s impossible for someone to come along and push all of her good buttons – and buttons she is trying to keep others from pushing?
Do you really believe that shit can’t happen? Do you believe that when you get married, you’re never, ever, gonna want something else somewhere down the road and as if you’re not going to change over any given period of time and develop needs that your partner isn’t going to be able to do anything about?
Yeah… people do believe this, don’t they? It’s not that people don’t see this very critical flaw in marriage and monogamy because they do… and that’s exactly why there’s such a thing as ethical non-monogamy or cheating with permission, if you will, and an adjustment to the state of being married that allows for wants and needs that may arise to be taken care of by, ah, outside contractors, while maintaining the marriage and taking care of all that business as well.
I’ve said time and time again that the way to prevent cheating is to remove the conditions under which it can happen and this can be done by giving “permission” to get the extra stuff that might be needed and, often, with the condition that if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander and all that. A lot of these forward-thinking couples actually do this as a couple as well as individually – they put their heads together and work out how they’re gonna go about doing this so that those other needs can be taken care of by someone else and – get this – remaining happily married.
This isn’t to say that married women are gonna cheat and by some weird kind of thinking that has made all men cheaters by default – and even if they’ve never cheated and never would. Many married women are happy with the way things are but, on the downside – and often unbeknownst to their husbands, yeah, they have some needs he ain’t able to deal with and they wouldn’t mind if someone else handled them but since it’s forbidden, she suppresses all of this and keeps it all locked up inside…
And that’s been proven to be very detrimental. It’s that thing that, when you see she’s got something on her mind that bugging the shit out of her and you ask her what’s wrong… and she says, “Nothing…” If your wife ever says to you, “How can we spice things up between us?” I’m thinking that you’d better pay attention to this and not dismiss it out of hand because she might not be thinking about the two of you having more sex than you’re already having.
In response to this question, it’s my opinion you should do a bad form kind of thing and answer a question with a questions: “What do you have in mind, baby?” and, if you can, let her know that you’re not going to fly off the handle over whatever she happens to have in mind and this is important because even if you don’t know this, I know that thinking and doing are not the same things. But women who might need to ask this question won’t… because husbands tend not to react well to whatever she has in mind… and especially if it involves those, um, outside contractors and, oh, yeah, the required contractor might not be male.
Sometimes, we won’t ask her what she wants and needs… because we’re afraid that she’s really going to answer the question… and we’re not gonna like it. Men have such fragile egos and I can tell you that it can do a number on your ego to find out that your loving wife wants something from someone else other than you. Not that you’re really all that fucked up, inadequate or otherwise incompetent, mind you.
Marriage and monogamy, again, allows no room at all for anyone to grow in this sense and it sure as fuck doesn’t allow for other needs to be tended to; we just accept that if we need something our partner can’t provide, we just have to do without it but even women – the standard bearers and placeholders of marriage, are saying, “Fuck that – if you’re not gonna help me with this, I’ll do it myself!” And the article does mention that for some women, cheating is about power and really showing hubby that he might be the man and all that… but she who has the pussy makes the rules… and there ain’t shit you can do about it and if you divorce her because she’s literally flexing that muscle, you still wind up being the loser even though you’ve cut that cheating bitch loose and, sometimes, at great cost to you so that makes it a lose/lose kind of thing.
If you don’t want your wife to cheat on you, sure, be observant, attentive, ready and willing to see to her wants and need to the best of your ability to do so… but understand a few things like she may want/need someone else because they’re not you and that’s not always putting you down and as I’ve mentioned; she may want/need someone who has, ah, different equipment and a different emotional way of doing things or, bluntly, if she needs a woman, my man, you’re clearly not female.
Understand that shit does happen and even when she will go out of her way to make sure it doesn’t. If she inquires about extra spice, pay attention to what she says and do not get in her ass about any of it. Listen, pay attention and even start thinking about how you can make whatever she’s talking about happen. Don’t assume that if she says something – and she might not, to be honest – that she’s going to do it anyway.
If you, as a husband, fail to do any of this, don’t be surprised when you find out she’s been cheating on you. Now, having said this, ladies, if you have wants and needs that the guy you love ain’t or can’t take care of, you gotta be brave enough to let him know while understanding that men do have very fragile egos. It’s a risk and I’ll admit that but what makes getting caught cheating even worst than it is comes from a husband being blindsided by it – he didn’t see it coming because he didn’t know what was going on inside your head… because, you know, that’s usually not a safe or smart thing to do, right?
It’s not merely a matter of wants and needs not being addressed: It’s a major communication failure. We like to think we can talk to our spouses about anything and we can… anything but this and we don’t talk about this because, historically, the spouse hearing these things tend to not react well to them but if you don’t ask, you won’t know and, hopefully, you’re not married to someone who reaction is verbally or physically violent.
We often go about these things in this fashion: It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission and we don’t ask because we assume that we’re not going to get it – and that’s usually the case – and that’s why people cheat on each other.
But what if there was a way to prevent this? Would that be something you’d be interested in and more so when it’s possible to stay married to the person you do love and want to be with?
Many of the married folks reading this would say no; it’s not to ever be thought of, let alone done and there’s no reason to think or do some shit like this. To you, I’d have to say that if you have even the tiniest worry that your spouse might cheat on you – or, not that you’d admit it – you’ve thought about some extracurricular activity or maybe even came close to shit happening, yeah, you might want to rethink this. If you’re of a mind that you’d divorce him or her before doing some shit like that, keep in mind that no one really wins in a divorce and especially when they happen in marriages that, before any of this appeared, was pretty damned good and the love shared was good and strong.
I remember someone asking me “eons” ago what I would do if my wife said she wanted to have an affair – but they didn’t know that, um, that’s exactly what had happened. My answer was, “I’d ask her what she had in mind and what are the terms she may be thinking of and, yep, what’s in it for me.”
The guy I was talking to was shocked and instead of asking me why I’d say that, he started talking about all the bad shit he’d do his wife if she ever said some shit like that to him and I told him, “Yeah, I get it… and that would be a mistake, home boy.”
And not many people really understand how and why this is a huge mistake; it’s another case of people being institutionalized and, dare I say, mindfucked into believing that this is the way being married should be handled – it’s the way it’s always been and always will be – but not taking into consideration that the reality is very different. You’re not supposed to want more than what you already have… even when it becomes apparent that what you have, even when good, just isn’t enough for you to keep being the person you also want and need to be.
We make it clear to each other that if you have a need for anything we can’t provide, well, you’re not supposed to but if you do, it sucks to be you because nothing is going to be done about it and if you do decide to do something about it, it’s really gonna suck to be you when you get busted.
Ever wonder why the United States has pretty much always led the league in divorces? There are a lot of reasons… but this particular situation is one of them and a pretty significant one. We maintain that one cannot have their cake and eat it, too, the greedy bastards/bitches…
But what if you could… and not lose what you already have? Or are you of a mind that it’s not worth it and it’s better to suffer with your unfulfilled needs and because some long-dead motherfuckers said that you had to? How’s that been working for you, hmm? Silence, as it turns out, isn’t always golden, ignorance isn’t always as blissful as its said to be, and what you don’t know can hurt the fuck out of you and like you wouldn’t believe or, really, don’t want to believe.
And who among us that are married don’t secretly worry about our spouses finding a reason to cheat on us or, hah-hah, we believe that they’d never do such a thing and, indeed, aren’t supposed to so such a thing and no matter what’s going on with them and even if, by chance, you’re not holding up your end of the table – and as the article put it – and you know you aren’t.
Women cheat on their husbands; click on the link and see the reasons why and, without applying your moral compass, ask yourself if the reasons given are not only true but makes sense… and maybe you’ll see the flaws in being married and monogamous but, nah, I’m not so sure there are a lot of people who can see this for what it really is because their moral compass insists that shit like this can’t happen and is never supposed to happen… even when it’s a well-known fact that even married women cheat and perhaps a bit more than married men do.