…do you put on your sexual satisfaction? Another good question is who’s responsible for this – you or others? Even though the question of whether bisexuality is real or not is still being hotly debated and contested, behind the scenes – or, under the radar, if you will – a lot of people are of a mind to stop putting limits on their sexual satisfaction, to not make the price too or so high that it’s unaffordable and that they are personally and directly responsible for seeing to their satisfaction rather than relying on someone else to take care of things.
We know what the rules of relationships say about this: Whomever you’re with, that’s who you have to work with in this and no outside sources allowed. That puts a great deal of pressure on folks knowing that if their partner wants/needs sex, um, should it be dutifully provided or does the person have some say or recourse in this? It has always, in my mind, begged the question, “If you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to?” – and the conventionally accepted answer is, “No one.”
What if, by chance, whatever sex you’re having isn’t enough and I’m not necessarily talking quantity or even quality? I’ve heard a lot of people ask this question: “Is this all there is to sex?” and more so when sex, yeah, it tends to get… monotonous, routine, and that “chore” than can drop down in the ranks and makes cleaning a filthy toilet look like it’s more fun. What can be done about this? Well, um, the answer is theoretically easy – find another source for sex… but the practical application isn’t so easy since, sometimes, that other thing that can be done can involve someone who’s physically like you are.
Uh oh. A lot of folks think that cheating is bad enough… and even worse when it involves same-sex stuff and if you think that single folks get a “get out of jail free” card in these things, well, no – they don’t. Not really. The perception here is that if you’re free to have sex with anyone you can get with, there’s no need to do it in the same-sex mode of things but, okay, if you do, well, aren’t you quite the freaky so-and so? The fact remains that regardless to whether you’re single or in a relationship, the responsibility for your sexual satisfaction is yours to bear and the “mistake” we all make is depending on someone to take care it for us; we really do just hand that responsibility to someone else and, again, even if we’re single and even this, the “one man/one woman” rule is still in effect and it’s still considered to be in very bad taste – and morally wrong – if you’re a man or a woman and you have a more… enlightened concept of the one man/one woman rule.
To the question of why people are bisexual, the answer you may not hear so much about is, “simply,” they recognize that they are responsible for their satisfaction in this and, unlike so many others, they’re not of a mind to put too high of a price on it. While many are content to let their sexual needs be taken care of in the single source mode of things, more people today are finding that, frankly, that’s just not working for them so much. They’re recognizing that things like sexual attraction and desire – and taking care of these things – only has limits because we impose them and do our level best to enforce them at all times. The price, more often than not, has been set unreachably high and not by our own doing – the price was preset already. Then life experiences with sex, well, hmm – that does something to the price as well as sets the stage for responsibility to be handed off to someone else who may or may not be of a mind to take on that responsibility so much and, yeah, knowing that if they fail in this, things could get messy.
I remember when someone asked me about my bisexuality and why I chose to do things in this way and, without really thinking about it, I said that if I didn’t understand anything else, I understood that the responsibility for my sexual pleasure and satisfaction rests solely with me and that it didn’t make any sense to put a high price on it and one so high that being able to have sex became undoable. Ha… even that response surprised the shit out of me even as I said it! I really had no idea that it was hanging out in my head like that… but I saw the truth of it. We hold true that if you’re a guy and you gotta have sex, go find a woman who’ll be willing to accommodate you and if she isn’t, it sucks to be you. If she is and, at some point she decides that she doesn’t want to be bothered with it – doesn’t want to be responsible for your satisfaction – too bad, homey. Very much sucks to be you. And if this occurs in the relationship mode of things, you are well and truly fucked… and not even in the good way. You can cheat or leave the relationship… or admit defeat and give up all hope of ever having sex again.
And a lot of people are, these days, questioning this mindset… and they’re not buying it or even of a mind to rent it for the weekend anymore. If “Sally” has determined that indulging herself in the sensuality and eroticism of the touch of another woman is what she needs in her life, it’s her responsibility to see to it and she’s even responsible for not making the price too high for herself or anyone else. The “thing” is that by and large, if our girl Sal is determined in this, eh, few people are gonna give her a whole lot of shit about it and more so when us guys, well, you know what some women say about our utter lack of consistency and being totally clueless about their emotional needs in this. What is less accepted, of course, is when men find reason to go this route as well… and more and more people – both men and women – are just ignoring the moral and conventional thinking in these things because they realize that the responsibility is theirs to deal with… and the price cannot be set so astronomically high.
The thing that drives society batshit crazy about this is that it’s being done without permission, so to speak. As much as society is aware of this behavior, it’s not the preferred and mandate way to deal with one’s responsibilities in this. Society grudgingly accepts that not all responsibilities are handled in the boy/girl only mode of things: Boy/boy and girl/girl, shit, okay, damn it – we (society) ain’t really feeling that shit but it is what it is (and what it’s always been, by the way). But to be about all of the above? You greedy motherfuckers and bitches! Pick a side and stay on it, you damned perverts! You’ve heard the admonishments, right? In denial, fake motherfuckers and cunts and confused?
Yet, a lot of people – and in a great many settings – are saying, “Fuck that shit – I’m gonna get what I need and if you don’t like it, you just don’t like it!” From singles to even polyamorous groups and including people in more… traditional relationships, owning one’s responsibility to see to their satisfaction has become paramount… and putting very high prices on this is unthinkable and, yeah, pretty stupid, to be real about it. Yes… it is better to ask – and get – permission than it is to always beg for forgiveness – and then find one’s self not being forgiven but there are a whole lot of people today who, when the question I asked earlier – if you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to? – comes up, they’re not going to accept the answer of, “No one is.”
Wrong answer. A growing, unacceptable one. The price as quoted is way too high and, yeah, many people are taking back the responsibility they’ve given others and realizing that the onus in this has always been theirs to handle. Now, if you wanna come on this journey with me, well, that just works but if you don’t, well, that’s too bad because that whole boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl thing isn’t the only affordable price available… and “all of the above” is not only affordable but is determined to be well within our responsibility to ourselves in this.
Many are discovering that the price is… negotiable. Indeed, when I’ve had conversations with people about bisexuality, one of the things I ask them is, “What price do you put on your satisfaction?” and followed – or sometimes prefaced with, “Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this?” Now, if your idea of being responsible to yourself in these things doesn’t include being “way out of the box,” okay – it’s what works for you and yes – a lot of people find the price involved affordable… right up until the moment comes when it becomes unaffordable and/or their responsibility to themselves is being taken away from them because we all know about the way things are supposed to be.
It’s just that a lot of people are finding and learning that, for one, the way things are supposed to be ain’t the same thing as the way things can be… and that it’s not only more affordable, it’s very much in line with their responsibility to see to and take care of their satisfaction in these things and whether it’s emotional, physical, or both. And the biggest kicker is that there’s no way to know or tell who has decided that it’s not only their responsibility but that there’s no unreasonably high price that should be attached to it. Single, married or otherwise in a relationship. Open relationships, swinging, being poly and in a poly group or even family setting. The boundaries, which were always artificial, are being torn down and cleverly so. There’s the relationships are supposed to be and many are discovering or otherwise figuring out that their relationship is only going to be as good as everyone involved makes it. So not only are the rules of relationship being rewritten but many are agreeing to not only wrest back their responsibility, openly sharing that responsibility is what really and nicely gets the bulldog fed.
Some folks do decide otherwise. The price is too high and should never, ever, be lowered for such… carnal reasons. In a relationship, it’s the partner’s responsibility to see to the other’s satisfaction without fail and without any excuses and without exception. This is the way we’ve always gone about such things and, no, single, unattached folks don’t really get a pass in this – and it’s well known what we – society – tends to think about those people who “just go out” and have sex with as many people as they can manage and definitely not in the mandated “one man/one woman” way and, yeah – even if the man or woman in question is gay.
Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this? What price do you put on it and, better, why is your price set the way it is and more so if that price is quite high? Would it surprise you that a lot of people do know that they’ve set the price very high… and would it surprise you that those who have sees no reason to lower the price and, yeah, the responsibility belongs with someone else? And would you be just as surprised to become aware that you’re one of those people with an unbelievably high price and depending on someone else to take care of something that, in reality, it’s your responsibility to own? And, perhaps, making matters worse, you’re of a mind that you have no choice or recourse in this?
You see, those of us who are bisexual aren’t this way just for the sex or even the emotional content. This is us – and in our own unique way – realizing and recognizing that, for one, the responsibilities in this are ours and that putting too high of a price on seeing to those responsibilities, well, not only does it not make sense but it defeats the purpose when it comes to being responsible to ourselves in this. Is it about the sex? Of course it is. Is not not just about the sex? Of course there’s more to it than that… it’s just that the sex is fun and let’s not bullshit or fool ourselves in thinking that it isn’t or that it lacks importance.
Who’s supposed to take care of this for you? What price do you put on it? Are you – or could you – be defeating your own purposes here if, one, you’re not being responsible to yourself and/or, two, you are of a mind that doing what you might need to do isn’t worth it and the price involved, indeed, is much too high? If if that price is high, why is it? Who set it that way? Why do you – or we, really – believe that the price isn’t negotiable?
This, I think, is the aspect of bisexuality that little or few people talk about. Too concerned about what other people think about this; way too focused on the sex that can happen but not so much on why it’s happening. Continuing to believe and hold true that the way things are supposed to be handled in this is the only way… and when we very well know that it isn’t. The truth is that these responsibilities can be handled and seen to via boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl and, yes, all of the above. You know, um, if you really do believe that it is worth it to you, that the price for bucking conventional systems in these things is, indeed, negotiable.
And that the responsibility for taking care of these things is yours and yours alone but sure – if you can share that responsibility with other – not give it away – then, hmm: Is this something you might be interested in? And the good part is that bisexuality, such as it is, doesn’t have to be in the mix at all but, sure, it could be…
If the price is right. If it is deemed to be what makes you whole, complete and, oh, yeah, satisfied and your responsibility to yourself is also satisfied and being handled in the way it needs to be handled. People are or become bisexual, not simply because they can be but because they do recognize in their own way that they do have a responsibility to themselves to be happy and satisfied and that there’s no price that should be that high or otherwise get in the way of that responsibility. It’s not just men who are figuring this out; women are figuring it out, too; it’s not some “kinky” thing that couples can get into and just for the fun of it; it is a recognition that the way things are supposed to be doesn’t always work for the way they, as a couple, want and need to be where the responsibility they have to, with, and for each other is concerned.
And many aren’t of a mind to ask for permission from society in this. Would be nice to have it… not really needed. It is why so many people step away from convention and with little regard for what other people are gonna say about them for doing so. And having no say or recourse in any of this? Not an option. Is not going to be tolerated. If no one else likes it, all they can do is not like it. And to the question of who’s supposed to fuck you if your partner ain’t gonna do it? “No one is supposed to” is an unacceptable answer and it does speak to the fact that someone giving this answer feels or otherwise believes that it’s not their responsibility to provide you with that which you need for your satisfaction and well-being.
Is ya feeling me on this? Probably not, huh, and the scary part? You’re probably not feeling me even when, “secretly,” you just might be thinking that I’m right about this… but to do something about it? The price is too high and it’s not worth it. Or, intellectually, it makes sense… but it is, again, too pricey and too irresponsible to be thinking about your own needs when you should be more concerned – and, perhaps, responsible – for someone else’s needs since, uh, they did just hand it over to you and without and fussing, fighting, or even reservation.
Hmm. I’m going to go away now and find something else to do and leave you to ponder this, you know, if you’re of a mind to. It doesn’t matter to me if you agree or disagree with what I’ve scribbled today because, if nothing else, this happened to be in my head in this moment and if y’all don’t know anything else about me, this blog is about getting that stuff out of my head. If it resonates with you, good… and if it doesn’t, well, you’re responsible for what does or doesn’t resonate with you, ain’t ya? You do have the right to make someone else responsible for this, just as you have the right to set the price as high as you think is necessary.
I’m just the guy who also happens to be bisexual and not so much a fan of things monogamous who’ll ask you… why would you do this to yourself when you don’t have to and, better, why would you do this to someone else? To the question of do I think “everyone” should be bisexual or, really, more flexible in these things? I say no because it’s not for everyone; the price for them is way too high; it’s not worth it to them to buck the system, such as it is and many feel that by being responsible for their satisfaction is both irresponsible and even selfish because their duty – their obligation – is to put other people first and foremost. Which makes the questions posed way back in the beginning of this more… pointed, methinks.