Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Really a “Phase?”

Of all the shit I’ve ever heard about being bisexual or even homosexual, that people call it a phase is one that cracks me up because it’s generally used to explain youthful experimentation but I’ve never been sure how that works or applies to anyone who’s an adult and more than capable of deciding what they want to do and why they do.

Even in my youth, I always wondered if the adults in charge of us actually knew what we were up to whenever they couldn’t see us and when they’d say, “Y’all better not be doing anything you shouldn’t be doing!” was their way of letting us know that they knew and if we were – and a lot of us most certainly were – we’d better not get caught doing it.

Being “invisible” to some adults, I’d often overhear them talking about, well, us in general and they did seem to know that there was a good chance that we’d start experimenting with each other and while some promised to make good on their promise to make us wish we hadn’t experimented, many would say that it’s just a phase and to not worry about it because we’d eventually grow out of it… but, yeah, if we got caught, our asses would be grass and they’d be the lawnmowers.

I was confused. Why tell us not to do something that you knew we were mostly likely to do? If adults “wondered” why we thought they were crazy, it was something like this that gave us that impression. The question that plagued me about it being a phase and something we’d grow out of was what if we didn’t grow out of it? Yeah, I was “that kid” who had a gazillion questions and always asking, “Why?” and usually to my detriment when I’d start asking questions about stuff I wasn’t supposed to know about yet like if the stork delivers babies, how come nobody ever sees a stork around here?

Grown into adult- and parenthood and when talking to other parents they, too, would talk about “The Phase” and in the same vein I’d heard in my youth. It was to be nipped in the bud before the rug rats even got the thought in their head – and with the same dire punishments I heard back then – but, at the same time, they were convinced that experimentation would happen and they’d better not get caught and/or they’d better not hear any complaints – then all holy hell would show up by the busload. Yep… those parents also said not to worry about it because if they did experiment, they’d grow out of it and be like everyone else…

Which would make me get a look on my face at their apparent naivety because while some do, in fact, grow out of any same-sex experimenting, um, some don’t… and I never did and it was safe to say that I wasn’t the only one. I got to thinking that this wasn’t so much of a phase as it was a cycle, a particular behavior that has been repeated over all this time and why, over the generations, “boys will be boys” meant a lot more than our penchant to get into trouble and do stupid shit to injure ourselves; the meaning that was implied or just not spoken about was that “boys will be boys” also meant that we’d have sex with each other.

If it is a phase of any kind, it’s a part of the learning phase we all go through; it’s a part of growing up, not that all boys experiment with and on each other but, still, it does happen and the thing that would tax my brain was how did we know what to do with each other? Word of mouth when one guy found out it could be done and passed it along to other boys he knew? Quite possible but that didn’t explain how two guys could be talking about it and there was no apparent word of mouth thing going on to put the idea in their head? Even as an adult, I’d wonder about this because I’d hear so many guys say that they experimented but in their first time, neither of them knew what they were doing… but they were doing it just the same and, well, one of these things had to be wrong… didn’t it?

But given that this has been a cycle of sorts, hmm, maybe it is a phase… just not one that a lot of people think it is as in something that’s done for a small period of time and then permanently discarded… except that doesn’t always happen and it sure as hell doesn’t explain how and why an adult – and one who should “know better” – gets it into his head to “experiment” with having sex with a guy and then, at times, referring to it as a phase…

And I’m not sure that it really is and the tripping point is that I don’t think there’s a way to prove that since, apparently, boys have been boys ever since there were boys to begin with or at some point thereafter. Sure… males having sex with each other goes way back and much of it has been lost to history; it wasn’t “written down,” and just may have been “erased” or removed from documented history before it became known that the Greeks and Romans were into this but older cultures were into it before the Greeks and Romans famously – or infamously – were.

To tell a bisexual that they’re just going through a phase is a “nasty” way to dismiss their sexuality and, I think, a backhanded way to tell them to grow up and don’t even bother going through this phase and, yeah, a lot of bisexuals get pretty upset over having this word used as a stick to beat them with. I know whenever I’ve had this particular “stick” swung in my direction, I’ve just ducked while rolling my eyes at how clueless those who might wield the stick tend to be. Again, yes: Some experiment either a little or a lot and then just leave it alone; some (like me) never do; some actually – and as I say – return to the party after a long absence and some, much later in life – and I mean those who are around my age – are just now getting into something that, if it truly was a phase that youngsters go through, they should have gone through and walked away from way before now.

I’m not a label hater but I’ve always thought and felt that the word “experiment” is the wrong word because it doesn’t really cover what’s going on and that the word, “explore” is a better word to use or, yeah, maybe both words fit the bill and serve to describe this cycle of sexual behavior we call a phase and one that we still think has a time limit or expiration date… and that’s not even the case.

Can you still call it a phase if one started out as an early adopter and never gave it up? Can it be called a phase if someone mentions that this is how they’re feeling but having the sex hasn’t even really crossed their mind or isn’t a consideration? And if this is truly a phase in human behavior and no matter when one may enter into it, um, what’s all the bitching and moaning all about? It occurred to me – and I might be wrong – is that the people who use this as a stick to beat us with either never explored sex in this way… or they did and carrying around a vineyard full of sour grapes or, more likely, is just doing what everyone who has some angst toward anyone who isn’t straight but is supposed to be because, you know, religion says so.

Yep – I’m the guy who think about stuff like this and more so when I’ve heard so many ask why it’s called a phase and if they get an answer, it’s probably that well-worn one that gets summed up as “boys being boys” but it is to note that when the phase is being talked about, I’ve yet to hear someone say that it’s also girls being girls, too. Well, yeah, they do say that in the context of experimenting with heterosexual sex and while they, too, are strongly advised when they’re young to not even think about going there, yeah, they do… but I know that’s not the only sex they experiment with and something they don’t give up and something they might go back to and, yep, have reason or a need to go there in the here and now.

I know; y’all might be thinking that I have way too much time on my hands and, well, I actually do… but this is something that’s been on my mind for a very long time since this phase tends to be, generally, dismissed out of hand and something that we know about; we know it’s quite possible to happen while, on the other hand, still bringing the fire and brimstone about it better not happen and ya better not even think about it… and how, exactly, does that work with adults who are of a mind to feel, think, and believe that the dire warnings is a bunch of bullshit and you don’t have the right to tell them who they can have sex with as long as both parties consent to it. Does it stop being a phase when adults are, by and large, making an informed decision and based upon whatever information they may have acquired and more so when I’ve heard adults say that they’re not sure how to do a thing in this, they sure do know what they’re doing… and something else that just tends to trip me out to have heard adults declaring with great certainty that their child would never do some shit like that and, besides, they have no idea or clue about sex to begin with.

Is that so? Yeah… no wonder why so many adults would be totally shocked to find out that their offspring not only knew about it but were doing it like it was going out of style any moment now. This being a phase could just be the correct way to put it as it very much seems to be a phase of our development but the expectation that one will grow out of it and be totally heterosexual, well, hmm, methinks that anyone who thinks like this deserves a wakeup call because that’s not what always happens and, again, I just do not think this… assessment applies to adults.

And I could be wrong… I just don’t think I am and more so when it’s been generally assumed and believed that only youngsters go through this phase… and I know better than that… and they apparently don’t until, of course, they get blindsided by the truth associated with this; if it is truly a phase, it’s one that anyone can go through and at any time and for any reason that makes sense to them and if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, well, that’s their problem for believing that (a) only “kids” go through this and (b) they’ll always grow out of it if they, ah, participate and (c) they really don’t know what they’re doing. Adults do so, again, is calling this a phase in this context valid?

I’m not sure that it is but, yeah, maybe it is – and always has been – just a part of being human.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: They Were Everywhere

I often scribble about my early days as a young bisexual since this was the time I cut my teeth on this new and wonderful – and totally forbidden – way to have sex and being mostly confined to my immediate neighborhood, it wasn’t until it was deemed that I could be trusted to venture out to other places, like when my godparent paid for my YMCA membership and I could go there. I learned how to swim at the Y and that’s when I found out about judo and then only because I kinda got lost and I heard the noises and went to investigate… and wound up in the class.

As such, I got to meet other guys around my age and even meeting other guys along the route I’d walk to get to the Y, getting the chance to really see how big the neighborhood really was and not seeing it out of a car window or standing on the corner and looking in all directions. Once I was allowed to roam around the city, that’s when I learned that me and my friends weren’t the only ones who were into boys having sex with boys…

They were everywhere. From all walks of life; from being “poor” to middle and upper middle class. Even though we were still recovering from the race riots that affected our city when Dr. King was assassinated, I was finding that not everyone had an objection to skin color and, maybe it was just me, but there weren’t many places I could go in the city and not run into someone who wouldn’t be interested in having sex with me once we got to know each other.

I used to get a lot of grief from my peers and some of the adults in my ‘hood because, thanks to my Y membership, I had a lot of white friends and most of them caused me to have great moments of culture shock and there weren’t many of them who, at some point, didn’t ask, “Hey, have you ever done it with a boy?” and when I’d say that I have, their eyes would light up and the next question would be, “Can we do it to each other?” or, “Do you wanna do it with me?”

Sure – why not? Sometimes, they’d never done it before we met, which would explain why they were so eager to do something… and I do mean eager and like it wasn’t like how we’d go about it in my ‘hood and we’d sneak off somewhere to do it; nope, I could be sitting in their bedroom, the questions would be asked and answered and the next thing I know, he’s naked, his dick is already hard, and he’s looking at me as if to say, “What are you waiting for? Let’s do it!”

Hmm. Apparently, white kids were very different. Oh, my god; I remember one such day when one of my friends and I were deep into sucking each other’s dicks in his room and his door opened, his dad peeked in – and there was no way he didn’t see what we were doing – but said, “When you guys get done, lunch is ready!”

What? I damned near shit myself and was close to having a major panic attack because we got “caught” and I had expected all holy hell to descend upon us… and nothing except lunch was ready. My friend looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong with you?” And I told him and he had this look on his face that suggested that he’d never heard of such a thing before now. At lunch, I was as nervous as the proverbial long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs and despite my friend’s assurances that everything was really okay, trying to eat was a problem because I still had a feeling that I was going to shit in my pants and expected his parents to take this moment to read us the riot act…

And they didn’t. After lunch, his dad kinda took me to the side and I thought, “Here it comes…” and I got culture shocked when he said, “Don’t worry about it – boys will be boys after all, eh?”

What? What? I eventually got used to situations like this although, with this set of friends, we’d often be outside and wandering around all over the place and since we were out there somewhere, wouldn’t it be a good idea to do it outside – and right here, right now? Apparently it was and that was something else I had to get used to. I was learning that boys doing it to boys wasn’t confined to where I lived but I wasn’t done being culture shocked; that happened when my godparents and maternal grandmother started paying to send me to camp in the summer…

Where I’d meet kids from other cities and states and found myself spending from two to four weeks with guys who were very interested in doing it. Who knew? I sure as hell didn’t! Again, most kids just didn’t care that the color of our skins were different and, in fact, they were fascinated with me; one kid asked me if my tan ever faded and I very much remember having fun at one of my cabinmate’s expense when he asked about my “tan” and I said, “I used to be like you but last year, when I was here, I fell asleep right over there – and pointed to a random spot on the camp’s beach – and when I woke up, I was like this!”

And he believed me. Some would ask me, “How do you get your hair kinky like that?” and make me blink like, what the hell are you talking about? My hair has always been like this! But I was learning that there was a lot we didn’t know about each other and while we learned that other than the color of our skin or where we lived, there weren’t that many things all that different about us… and that we could have sex with each other and, again, I couldn’t believe how overly eager the guys in my cabin and, indeed, in other cabins, were to sneak off in the woods or climb into each other’s bunks in the dead of the night to suck each other’s dicks and sometimes fuck each other – once the counselor started leaving us alone at night (but close by in case of emergency).

I was “badly” culture shocked, not just over how many white and other guys wanted to suck dick and fuck but also because this was everywhere, it seemed. From kids who lived elsewhere in my state to kids from the neighboring states that, at the time, I’d never been to. It seemed that no matter where I went, there would be at least one guy I would meet who would want to do it and whether they’d done it before or not. They didn’t care that we might not be of the same race and those who initially did would discover, and as I did, that it didn’t change the fact that we could suck each other off and fuck each other with or without penetration, too.

I’d come home from being with my other friends in the city or from camp and share my “doing it” adventures with my peers – and peers who rarely left our neighborhood, let alone the city or even state – and sometimes they didn’t believe me; sometimes they were shocked that I was doing it with white (and other) boys and, like me at first, they had no idea that boys doing it to boys was anywhere other than where we lived and they couldn’t seem to believe me when I’d tell them how eager these other boys from other places were to do it.

Junior high school exposed me to even more kids in the city, as did high school and while there was still great hatred and prejudice of “those damned homosexuals,” I was learning that for a lot of those guys, they were just saying that shit to be part of the crowd but, yeah, outside of the crowd? A whole different story! I saw that the white (and other) guys were more… uninhibited about it while my Black peers carried the fear and dread that had been instilled in us about boys having sex with boys and being involved in any way with someone who wasn’t the same color as we were; I think back about those horror stories adults would tell us and while some of them were very much true, by and large, they weren’t. I was raised to be “colorblind” and to not judge someone by the color of their skin and very much unlike my peers were so while other kids would add to my culture shock, after a while, I stopped being shocked and saw that despite some differences, were were more alike in a lot of ways… and especially when we were horny and wanted to do something about that.

It occurred to me that if there were so many boys from so many different places who didn’t mind doing this – and in the places I’d been – there had to be many more guys like me in other places… and there were and as my travels would reveal and confirm. Sitting in a hotel bar after a long day of sitting in a class for one thing or another and meeting a fellow traveler from either some state or even another country who, um, well, being away from hearth and home and being both lonely and horny would make offers for sex not all that surprising, not after all I’d learned in my younger days and reconfirming that “boys being boys” didn’t stop when boys became men.

Or being in the service and at a time where any fraternization and homosexual behavior would result in some very dire consequences and running into guys who were more than willing to risk those dire consequences to get some dick or to fuck/be fucked. I very much remember being in Japan and going off-base to get some of the very tasty noodles one of the guys stationed there told me about… and having a native, in broken but passable English, ask me as I inhaled noodles if he could suck my cock… and I thought, “Why not?” even though I knew I could get into all kinds of trouble and cause one of those “international incidents” we were warned not to cause before we left our home base.

Um, not all Oriental dicks are small, you know, in case you believe that one. I learned that day that things like race still didn’t matter and, now, neither did country of origin and things like the language barrier didn’t mean a whole lot because sex is a more universal language and one that you don’t need many words for; I had almost choked on my noodles to see this very Japanese man give me the “universal” sign for a blow job as he tried to say it. Who knew? I sure hadn’t!

We went to his place which was close by and blew each other’s brains out and I’m sure he learned some English curse words he might not have heard before and I heard some Japanese words that, despite not knowing the language, were along the same lines. My years of studying judo made me knowledgeable about bowing so when we were done, it didn’t surprise me that he bowed to me and I returned it and returned to the base with my head kinda spinning over this bit of culture shock. I was telling the guy who recommended the noodle shop what happened when he had asked if I like the noodles and he wasn’t surprised and said that it wasn’t all that unusual since a lot of Japanese were not only fascinated by Americans, they had a “thing” for Black Americans.

Who knew? I sure as hell didn’t but I found out and had my horizons that much more expanded when it came to sex and sexuality and the real-deal bottom line was if you didn’t mind, it didn’t matter… and not minding was clearly a lot more global than this inner city kid could have ever imagined.

All of this – and considering all the riffing and bitching about bisexuality – leads me to understand why some of the haters are, well, hating because we are, indeed, everywhere and you can’t look at someone and easily tell what their chosen sexuality is. I still don’t know what “the type” looks like because I learned to understand the “the type” can look like every- and anyone and regardless to things like race, color, creed, ethnicity, etc., dicks can be sucked and, if you’re down with it, asses can be fucked…

Everywhere. Makes me understand why there’s a “demand” for all bisexuals to come out and not just because doing so will set you free, as it were. Some gay folks are “easily” identified on sight… but bisexuals aren’t. I say that you could be standing right next to a bisexual and not know it and, yeah, someone you know could be and you don’t know that they are and I say this because what I’ve experienced to date has more than proven this to me and society seems to have gotten culture shocked to know that there are bisexuals among us and, yeah, they don’t look the type at all… and we are everywhere. All walks of life. Global boundaries don’t mean jack shit. Cultural and religious beliefs aren’t proof against bisexuality.

We are everywhere and we are legion. Most of society is “just now” finding this out but I’ve always known it and found out the moment I left my neighborhood to explore the city of my birth and home.

Who knew? I did and I’m not the only one.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Orally Fixated

The moment he pressed the spongy head of his dick against my closed mouth, my lips parted “all by themselves” to allow the head of his dick inside. He was moving it in and out gently, making my mouth water like it never had before. As I swallowed that extra saliva, I could taste something kinda sweet, kinda salty mixed in with my saliva… but it was hard to focus on this odd taste because he was pushing the head of his dick in and out of my mouth faster and faster and the feeling of this was… exciting? I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at that moment but I liked what he was doing and even tried to move my head in time with his movements and my tongue, which I hadn’t been “paying attention to” seemed to have a mind of it’s own as it moved around on the head of his dick every time it went into my mouth.

I wasn’t sure what this was but I knew I liked it! Saliva I couldn’t get around to swallowing dribbled down my chin and I was tasting more and more of that kinda sweet, kinda salty… stuff and my head was awhirl with all of these new and strange sensations and so much that I hadn’t been aware of him talking either to me or to himself as well as moaning a lot. I didn’t have time to ponder this because he was pushing a little more of his dick in and out of my mouth and my tongue was moving around, again “all by itself,” because it was getting crowded in there. I felt myself frown trying to deal with this but with my tongue getting out of the way, it wasn’t too bad and it just kept feeling good. As I thought about this, I heard him groan kinda loud and he had stopping pushing the head of his dick in and out of my mouth; there was just enough of it in my mouth that I felt it get bigger… then it started jerking and a “whole lot” of something warm and even more salty/sweet poured into my mouth and so much that for a moment, I didn’t know what to do about it but I had to do something so I started swallowing as fast as I could so as not to choke from all the… stuff in my mouth and once I did that, I was able to feel more comfortable and even notice the taste of the… stuff that was now on my tongue and as I tasted it, he took the head of his dick out of my mouth and, for a moment, I felt… sad? Disappointed? Again I didn’t know how I was feeling but the one thing I did know was that I liked what he did and so much that I couldn’t wait to do it again.

A brief “description” of what I’d been able to think and clarify somewhat the first time I had a dick in my mouth and how, in the moment his knob passed between my lips, I was forever hooked on it. After that day, I’d gone on a cock sucking frenzy after finding out that many of my male friends also knew about this and while none of us were old enough to shoot “the stuff” into each other’s mouth, it was still a whole lot of fun. About a week or so after my first experience with a dick, I found out that I could shoot the stuff, which my mind put 2+2 together to determine that this was the baby-making stuff we’d been hearing about and that’s what I had been tasting and swallowing… and I was over the moon although, um, when I first ejaculated, I was sure I was dying and had almost passed out.

But I just loved to suck dick or, as we all discovered it was called, give and get a blow job although we were all mystified since there was no blowing going on but I guess we all shrugged that off and especially this one day when a new kid in the neighborhood was hanging out with us, saw us pulling our dicks out so we could suck them and he was excited and wanted to give a blow job, too. He turned to the guy closest to him, put his face close to his dick… and started blowing on it then asked the guy how it felt. It was hilarious and the look on the boy’s face was precious as it was explained to him that you didn’t really blow on the dick – you had to put it in your mouth and suck on it and after someone demonstrated it for him, he gave it a try…

And yet another one of us got hooked on sucking dick. While the fellas were (1) mad that I could shoot the baby-making stuff and they couldn’t and (2) a couple of them didn’t like having me shooting my stuff in their mouth, (3) was many of them liking having my stuff in their mouth and while girls were deathly afraid of the stuff, some would rather have it in the mouth than “down there” and others didn’t like having it in their mouth, either but preferred to have it anywhere other than in their mouth.

All well and good because I hung out with a lot of guys who, like myself, had become cock sucking fiends and by the time all of us were shooting the stuff – and now aka “da jizz” – that just made doing it all the better. I’d eventually learn about eating pussy a few months later and just like sucking dick, I was immediately hooked on it and would “lose my mind” every time a girl wanted to be licked and kissed “down there” and they seemed to like it more than I liked doing it even though some girls got a very bad case of the giggles, leaving me to wonder what was so funny.

However, over the intervening years, I began to wonder why sucking dick and eating pussy was so damned exciting and why/how so many guys who wound up sucking my dick for their first experience would “lose their mind” as I had done so long ago and became cock sucking and even pussy eating fiends as I and many of my early peers had. There had to be something to it that made doing it make me feel so good. It would be many more years before I’d read… something I can’t remember and saw two words that, after further investigation, answered a very old question I had: Oral fixation.

The things I found talked about “every day” kind of things like thumb-sucking, chewing gum, eating and even smoking and that doing these things just gave one pleasure and another thing I read about it explained that when we’re born, after crying, the next thing we just knew how to do was to suck on a nipple in order to be fed. The book went on to explain that our brains easily equated sucking with feeding and feeding felt good to us and all kinds of light bulbs went off in my head as everything I had read came together to “explain” why I loved to suck dick and eat pussy so much other than it was a fun way to have sex or to start it off. I remembered my mom getting me to stop sucking my thumb because it could do something to my teeth and I remember how… disappointed that I had stopped doing it after some, ah, persuasion to stop… but that was fine because I could always find a dick to suck or a pussy to lick and suck and that was a better replacement for sucking my thumb. I hadn’t known about oral fixation at that time but, again, once I learned about it, it explained much.

Orally fixated. Me. Wow.

I remember a moment where the latest craze was walking around with a pacifier and one considered themselves to look cool sucking on them and while I didn’t know about that, I did know about oral fixation even though I thought these older folks looked pretty silly doing something that babies would do between actual feedings but, yeah, having something in your mouth and sucking on it was just so pleasant and even more so for me when the thing in my mouth was a dick or a girl’s clitoris – aka the little man in the boat. I’d often run into guys who were avid cock suckers and would just as often exclaim that they didn’t know why they liked doing that so much but I knew and while many of them couldn’t wrap their heads around the premise of oral fixation, many could and guys weren’t the only ones who wanted to know why sucking a dick – or eating a pussy – made them feel so wonderful other than doing something related to sex. I was forming the opinion or theory that those who didn’t like doing either thing weren’t so orally fixated or, as I discovered, doing this to someone who took the fun out of it would just wipe out any fixation they may have had and, of course, I knew of and had heard about so many girls who’d get traumatized by asshole guys who promised and swore that they wouldn’t cum in their mouth… and did it anyway, making a lot of girls who used to like/love doing it just stop liking it, loving it and, shit, doing it at all.

I could understand it and even my bad cock sucking/pussy eating adventures did little to erase my oral fixation. There were just too many guys who’d want their dick sucked and girls who would say that I couldn’t fuck them… but if I would eat their pussy, well, we’ll see how that goes. This usually happened because, at the time, there were a slew of guys ranting and raving about girls wanting them to put their faces down there and lick and suck on their pussy… and they weren’t having any of that and the word on the street was that girls were more likely to give it up if you were brave enough to go down there and lick and suck them until they were very happy. I was not only brave enough but orally fixated enough – not to mention being horny – that I’d do it without giving it a second thought. Thanks to a patch I used to wear on my Wrangler jacket depicting my zodiac sign – Libra – but, um, also depicted a woman sitting on a man’s face and earning me the nickname, “Taster’s Choice” and, yes, just like the coffee that had come out around that time.

Being called that used to make me pretty mad until I realized that because I ate pussy – and that patch pretty much told girls that I did – I stopped being mad and would tell my “detractors” that, yes, I ate pussy and loved doing it… and because you don’t, that’s why I’m having sex with the girls who have been turning all of you dummies down. Yeah, they didn’t like hearing that but it did serve the purpose of them stopping picking on me because I ate pussy. I don’t know if they changed their minds about that and didn’t care because my oral fixation was very much getting me laid and to the point where girls would approach me at school and on the street and ask, “I hear you eat pussy – is that true?” I’d say it was and many girls would say, “Prove it!” and I most certainly would and not only did I get to satisfy my oral fixation, I was learning how to be better at it and to eat them for very long periods of time.

I hadn’t given up sucking dick by any means; it was too much fun, too erotic and even intimate; it was quite the ego trip to suck a guy’s cock and make him cum in my mouth because, before the fact, they were all “macho” and all that but once I got started, I’d have them crying out for Jesus and their mothers or anyone else they thought could save them from my oral onslaught. I’d hear so many talk about how bad it was to suck dick and understood what they meant by that but also understood that they either didn’t know what they were missing or they lacked the degree of oral fixation that would make doing it such a great pleasure even if the guy they were sucking was a bit of an asshole or a guy’s spunk didn’t really taste all that good; just spitting it out took care of having to swallow something that could taste pretty raunchy. I’d eventually find out how and why that could be like that and just filed it away under “Things to Know” and continued to get my oral fix every- and any time I could.

There were many who insisted that oral sex wasn’t sex at all and, honestly, I had no idea what they were talking about or why they even said it although I understood that to them, having sex meant fucking and, well, I knew that it was only part of the whole. If nothing else, a guy would want his dick sucked until he came and with some women – and because I’d learned to get down there and stay there until they’d had enough, I was quite happy to give someone head and if that was the only sex to happen, it was all good since in the majority of times I’d have the favor returned and when I didn’t, sometimes it didn’t matter a whole lot. They got to get off and I got to satisfy my oral fixation so, to that end, it was a win/win.

I see guys today asking why sucking a cock is so damned addictive… and I’m surprised that they don’t know why it is or, really, that they’re orally fixated. Sure, they talk about how a dick feels in their mouth and talk even more about wanting to please the other guy and being face and throat fucked and even how much getting a face-full of sperm just makes them deliriously happy. I don’t doubt these things but I remain surprised that they have no idea about oral fixation, what it is, and how it make sucking a dick so addictive. I’ve explained it to them and while many, I dunno, don’t believe me and are of a mind to stick to their own ideas about it (and in the way I described above), a lot of guys are actually surprised to know that there’s a name for it and, like I did so long ago, able to equate their thumb-sucking days to having a dick in their mouth and, yeah, because it is really sex, that just makes it even better.

For guys looking to suck a dick and wants to know what the big deal is, while some are content to practice with a dildo, I often give them an easier way to find out: Stick your thumb or even the tip of your finger in your mouth and suck and lick it; it might make you feel silly to be all grown up and doing that but you might find that it feels… strangely good, too. You can practice the up and down and all around motions this way, too, and if you’re doing this to a finger, well, it’s also a good way to practice getting a grip on your gag reflex and, believe it or not, one way to get used to having spunk in your mouth is… to brush your teeth and if the toothpaste gets foamy, it’s not an exact reproduction but it’s close enough for government work; doing that also lets you know at what point having the toothbrush in your mouth will trigger your gag reflex, too.

I was telling my protégé about the connection between cock sucking and oral fixation when even he was saying that while (at the time) the thought of sucking a man’s cock was still pretty scary – let alone the guy cumming in his mouth – he had to admit that he was “kind of” hooked on doing it and despite his concerns, well, it did feel good to do it and now he knew why. He’s nowhere near orally fixated as I am but, then again, I got like this before he was born and have had a lot more experiences getting my oral fixation fix than he has.

It’s sensual and intimate; they call giving head the “ultimate kiss” and I’m totally onboard with that assessment and it makes my oral fixation deliriously happy to give someone head and whether they appreciate it or not. Indeed, a lot of guys are of a mind that sucking a dick is all about the guy being sucked and while I don’t “argue” what they say about that, I long since understood that I’m a selfish cock sucker in that I’m not doing it to specifically make him happy – I do it to make myself happy because I’m so orally fixated it isn’t funny so when I’m making this happy and it’s making him happy, okay, that’s a win/win and if he wasn’t all that happy, well, that’s kinda not okay but I got to take care of my oral fixation just the same. I tell guys this and I get some backlash from them when they say I’m supposed to be sucking cock for the other guy’s pleasure alone… but me and my oral fixation greatly begs to disagree with that and more so when I also learned that a lot of guys think they’re “in charge” when I’m sucking them… then find out that they never were because I’m in control of what they feel, how they’re feeling, and whether or not they’re gonna cum now, later or, if they manage to piss me off, not at all; you screw up my getting my oral fix taken care of, I’m going to screw up the pleasure you thought you were going to get.

But as I often say, the only thing better than sucking dick is eating pussy and when I do, I am more than prepared to stay down there for as long as necessary or until one of us quits… and I’m not trying to quit. Growing up, a lot of girls/women would complain about guys who’d get down there and give it a few licks before getting their dick in there and I’d hear them saying that what they want is a guy who can eat them for a long time until they orgasm and, usually, more than once. Well, now, if you’re looking for that guy, look no further! I can do that! Okay, sure; in doing so I’ve been almost choked and smothered unconscious; I’ve almost drowned eating women who squirt; I’ve gotten my lips busted, my nose almost broken, and have had my teeth loosened; I’ve had my face scoured by hair and “rug burns” on my face when there was no hair down there; I’ve pulled muscles more times than I care to think about… and I’ve endured this and more to (1) make them happy that they decided to let me eat them and (2) seriously take care of my oral fixation “problem.”

I learned that if she’s not looking at me like I tried to kill her by eating her, I probably didn’t do it right or enough. I’ve had women tell me that I could go down on them and it wouldn’t do anything for them but, sure, go ahead and try… and I’ve changed their minds. I’ve had women say that they’ve never had an orgasm in this way but, sure, if you wanna waste your time, go ahead and try… and they’ve orgasmed because, if nothing else, my oral fixation “demands” that I stay down there until they do or it’s “proven” that they don’t since, um, it’s still a great deal of fun as well as a lot of hard work and work I’ve always been willing to do for them and, you betcha, for my very bad case of oral fixation.

It can be a chore and many find oral sex to be just that and something to get done as quickly as possible if at all. I understand that but giving head has never been a chore and if the timing was somehow inconvenient, the moment I settle in and get started, the inconvenience is quickly forgotten as I get and take care of my oral fix.

I do tend to get a kick out of some guys when I’m sucking them and they start yelling for me to slow down or, sometimes, to just stop for a moment because they’re going to cum if I don’t… and my “sense of humor” has no problem fucking with them and ignoring their pleas and “commands” to not make them cum so fast… and sometimes, that’s exactly what I want and need them to do because the “hunger” that is my oral fixation says, “Yes, I need him to cum now, okay? Now, make it happen!” I had those guys who are 100% sure that they can’t cum via a blow job but, sure, you can try and if nothing else, it’ll feel good… and I manage to make it feel really good when they cum and the look I’ve seen on their face to have done what they believed couldn’t be done is beyond precious and priceless. Sometimes it happens right away and sometimes it takes a while but my fixation “demands” that I keep going until, again, it’s proven that he’s not going to cum no matter what I do or how long I do it. That hasn’t happed very often but, yeah, it has with both men and women and while that kinda makes me unhappy that I couldn’t get them to cum/orgasm, my oral fixation is happier than a clam in mud and more so when nothing beat a failure but a try.

And I do so very much love trying and, shit, so much that I’ve overstimulated someone and that’s not a good thing and I’ve had to rein my fixation in to hold off making someone overstimulate or too tender and sensitive to endure any more. My fixation – my hunger – doesn’t like it when I do that and I can feeling it “pushing” me to go full throttle and get it “fed” and resisting that urge is… distracting when I’m eating pussy but with guys? Yeah, I’ll turn “The Beast” loose on them in a heartbeat and if they cum quickly, I’m happy even if they aren’t so much… and I’m not beyond making them cum and just keep right on sucking them since I learned how to neatly avoid the head of their dick so I can keep on sucking until they get hard again and eventually cum again. So much fun for me… and sometimes not a whole lot of fun for them since I know about that fucked up refractionary period of sex that can put an end to my oral fixation and fun depending how bad it’s hit the guy.

Either way, “The Beast” gets fed and even if he doesn’t “walk away happy,” I know that I will because I’m so orally fixated.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Twitter Messages

I can appreciate those on Twitter who are getting the message out about bisexuality… but while they put up positive messages and stories, they seem to spend a lot of time “griping” about how society and/or people treat bisexuals. They rale against being discriminated against and in ways that makes me wonder what’s going on with this even though I do know that there are so many people who object to anyone who isn’t straight or, yes, gay like they are. This is just one of the ugly things about humans and it is to be expected and since it is, well, I don’t know about them but I see no reason to even give them the satisfaction of knowing that they’ve gotten to me and now their messages has allowed them to be in my head.

Some of the messages I see are of the, “Oh woe is me!” type, like the one I saw yesterday about being discriminated against in relationships which isn’t anything new from where I’m sitting but I have to take a big step backward so I can see and realize that a lot of these “new bisexuals” are just now experiencing stuff that I’ve already gone through but have not yet learned the biggest lesson:

Don’t pay any attention to the dumb shit.

It serves a purpose to know what’s being said so you know what you might be facing but it should be “information only” or, to misquote Sun Tzu a bit, know your enemy; the only “problem” here is that most of the time, you won’t know who is your “enemy” until they reveal themselves, oh, like that one person you might know who, if given the chance, will rant and rave against homosexuality like an old time fire and brimstone preacher and doing nothing more than repeating the same old shit that, as I keep saying, I was hearing over fifty years ago.

It was bullshit then and it’s bullshit now. Such people think they know what they’re talking about and if you’re staying true to yourself – and that’s exactly what you should be doing and no matter what – you should know that they’re just spitting out rhetoric and dogmatic quasi-religious stuff and adding their own opinion to the mix and then trying to sound “intelligent” in their discourse. At best, they’re the ones to be pitied for not being better informed and showing you an ugly side of themselves… but at the worst, many bisexuals listen to this shit; it gets in their head and now they’re feeling all shitty and like they’re being hated on… and without realizing that if they’re around such a person, they have no idea that you’re bisexual and “talking about you” when that’s not what they’re doing other than showing off their stupidity and cluelessness.

When I see these messages on Twitter and how disturbed the tweeter is – and depending on how much it pegs my bullshitometer – I’ll reply with, “Why are you even paying attention to what’s being said?” Maybe it’s me but I’m thinking that if you don’t pay any attention to it, it can’t fuck with you or, at the least, it shouldn’t. I often respond by saying, “You do realize that no matter what anyone says or does, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re bisexual, don’t you?”

This is me telling this new breed of bisexuals something that I learned long ago that’s so very important to one’s peace of mind. I’ve said these things and have gotten a lot of “love” for them but those who support bisexuality with their tweets have yet to pass them along to those who follow them. It’s almost like they “like” being miserable and like the attention they might get from others who are feeling the way they do and wondering what they can do to stop being “abused” just because they’re bisexual.

Unless someone is literally taking you to task for your choice sexuality choice, you gotta realize that a lot of this is just people running their mouth with a bad case of diarrhea and the best way to avoid having your head and feelings fucked with is, again, not to pay any attention to what’s being said and definitely not giving it any weight. Okay, yes and sure: You come out to someone and find out they ain’t feeling that, it can get fugly – that’s “fucking ugly” for those who haven’t heard of this – and now they’re telling you how they feel about what you just told them and, yes, they’re taking it personally, not so much because you just told them you were bisexual, but because they thought they knew you and you just fucked up their head by letting them know that, yeah, ya might’ve known me but you didn’t know this. And, sad to say, the price to be paid is to get your feelings hurt badly as they rant and rave in whatever way they’re gonna do it and, yeah, make your bisexuality all about them and how betrayed they feel and, in certain situations, you don’t give a fuck about their feelings and, as I’ve heard, expressing great feel that you’re gonna seduce them and get them into bed and do all sorts of unholy things to them.

Yeah, don’t flatter yourself; besides, if I was interested in having sex with you, you just made sure that’s not the case anymore and since I know you’re now going to distance yourself from me, just go on somewhere and do it as of yesterday.

Not paying attention to the dumb shit was a lesson even I had to learn even though, back then, the diatribe was focused at homosexuals; bisexuals didn’t face that crap so much because no one really believed that someone could and would go both ways… and just like so many believe today. I’d hear good friends let all kinds of horrible shit come out of their mouth about “those fucking homos” and what kind of violence they’d bring to them to teach them a lesson about the error of their ways and every time I heard this, I just knew they were talking about me until, one day, when hanging with da fellas and one guy was on his soapbox and bemoaning the evils of homosexuality (and others were chiming in as well), I realized that they weren’t talking about me because they didn’t know I was bisexual and, holy shit, they’re not talking about bisexuals; they’re talking about homosexuals.

It was at that point it stopped paying attention to it and classified this shit as “information only.” Unless someone decided to try to get on my case about being bi – whether they suspected it or someone I’d slept with dropped my name on them – well, they often learned how big of a mistake that was because fussing at me about it now fell on deaf ears and if they wanted to get violent, well, I’m going to apologize now for what I’m going to do to you to defend myself… and I hope you got insurance. I told one guy, “What’s your phone number?” and when he asked why I wanted to know that – and as he was thinking about the right moment to take a swing at me – I replied with, “So I can tell whoever answers where they can find your body because if you swing on me, I will kill you and if you think I’m joking, try me.”

Some did and, no, I didn’t kill them; they weren’t worth having a death warrant put on my head even when I was defending myself but they got hurt badly and some had permanent reminders that there are some people you shouldn’t fuck with… like me and someone who is a trained killer. Yeah, my peers used to laugh at me because I studied judo and karate but even they stopped laughing when they’d see me fight.

Enough of that. The thing I learned was to ignore whatever they were saying and after a while, it stopped being “information only” because I was hearing the same shit – just in different ways – so it wasn’t like I was getting any new information. Having said that, another thing I learned that there were those who’d spout the bullshit and they truly believed what they were saying and then there were those who’d do it because, well, “everyone” was doing it but privately? Yeah… some of them knew about dick more and better than I did and you can guess how I know that.

To anyone who is bisexual and reading this – and to anyone who might be contemplating their sexuality, heed this very important lesson: Do not listen to the old-assed dumb shit. If someone gets in your ass about being bisexuals – and I don’t mean in a pleasing way – stand you ground and even tune them out if you can and stay true to yourself no matter what they say or do. If they “unfriend” you, yeah, that’s gonna suck and even more so if it’s your family that does that and that’s some really deep emotional hurt but you still must be true to yourself and find a way not to be all that hurt by someone who, for all intents and purposes, doesn’t really know what they’re talking about and are more likely to be more upset because you’ve greatly disappointed them by adopting a sexuality they don’t approve of.

It’s gonna hurt like nothing you’ve ever experienced and it’ll be 100% on you to get over it because if you don’t, it will always fuck with you and, in concert, fuck with everything you try to do going forward and, if you can manage it, try to forgive them for not knowing what they’re doing; they jump in your case and all that because you’ve fucked up their sensibilities and, yes, hurt their feelings but what they don’t realize is how badly all of what they say is going to affect you going forward. You can’t not hear what’s being said… but you don’t have to take what they say to heart and get you all fucked up in the head. They’ll say that you’re not supposed to be this way and you should cease and desist immediately if not sooner and all other kinds of stuff to get you to not be the way you know yourself to be and if you listen to them, they win.

So don’t listen to them. Don’t give it any weight. If whoever’s spouting this shit doesn’t know that you’re bisexual, understand that they’re not talking about you and understand that there’s a very great chance that they really don’t know what they’re talking about because they have no point of personal reference to base their bullshit on. Yes, some of the people bashing bisexuals are those who had some bad experiences and now they’re all fucked up in the head about it and decrying the “evils” and problems with being bisexual… and that was them which means it’s not you. Whatever happened to them is what happened and it’s a shame that it did, but if you take this to heart and get it in your head that whatever happened to them is “definitely” going to happen to you, well, you just fucked yourself and not in a good way.

I get… bothered by what I see on Twitter when bisexuals who, at least in my opinion and experiences, are having pity parties over something that they shouldn’t be paying any attention to and I’ll tell them and ask them, “Why are you listening to this shit? Stop listening to it and giving it the weight that you do!” Stay true to yourself no matter what because if you don’t, you let the haters defeat you and I don’t know about other bisexuals but I’m not feeling that at all and more so when I know that there’s nothing they can do about it unless, of course, they want to find themselves imprisoned for life or sitting on death row… and all because they believe something that’s not the whole truth about how humans can be when it comes to sexuality.

And, yes, if you happen to be in a relationship, reveal your bisexuality to them, and they start reading you the riot act, well, I hate to say it but you just found out how much they don’t love or care about you. You are very likely to find out some shit about them that you may not have known and shit that, if you had known it, you probably wouldn’t have gotten into the relationship with them but here you are and now you’re going to have to find a way to deal with “the hurt, pain, sense of being betrayed, and a lot of other shit” that you might hear from them… and the only thing I can and will say about this is that it’s not going to be easy and that most people will cave in to their partner’s demand to not be bisexual and be straight like you’re supposed to be and as they expect you to be.

Your life with them will never be the same after this and by not staying true to yourself, you just fucked yourself for the rest of whatever and violated Rule Number One: Look after your own ass first… because that’s exactly what they did when you let them know this about you. More often than not, every time I’ve had to hear this, it’s all about them more than me being “some kind of pervert;” they’ve gone on at great length at how betrayed they feel and, my god, all kinds of other shit along those lines and I’ve heard it so much that when I’d hear it again…

I just wouldn’t listen to it… because nothing they’re going to say is going to change the fact that I’m bisexual and I’m not going to change what I am just to soothe their sensibilities and more so since they’ve seen fit to disabuse my own sensibilities. Homey don’t play that… and you shouldn’t either but at the end of any day, you gotta do what you gotta do and I wouldn’t ever say that you’re wrong for doing whatever you gotta do.

This “mini-rant” has come to an end but the message remains: If what other people are saying about bisexuality disturbs you, stop listening and paying attention to it; stop giving it all that weight and know that you’re listening to some stuff that is older than you are and older than your parents and your grandparents as well. You’re listening to what they believe more than what they know for a fact and they’re even taking the facts and spinning it to fit their view of this and, yeah, getting it even more wrong. They don’t know like you do; they don’t feel the way you do and, clearly, they don’t think about this the way you do… so why are you paying them any attention and letting what they say get to you?

In this, it’s not “them” who is making being bisexual so difficult: That’s all on you. Unless they’re specifically getting in your ass about being bisexual, when you hear this shit, they’re not talking about you and more so when chances are again very good that they have no idea that the bisexual they’re ranting and raving about is standing there watching them put their ignorance on display…

And you should let them do just that and keep right on being the bisexual – and the best bisexual – you are and that you can be. That’s the lesson I learned and the lesson this new breed of bisexual has yet to learn… and it’s not like I haven’t told them.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Why Do Dudes…”

“…get all into that gay shit?”

I sighed upon hearing “Crystal” ask that question but before I could even start to formulate a response she continued, saying that they should only be having sex with women and the usual statement that there are plenty of women out there who’d be more than happy to have sex with them and, she even added that if a dude’s game was that shoddy – and I was kinda surprised that she even knew that word (long story) – there are always women willing to fuck them if the price is right.

She was right, of course, but my brain had gotten off “the floor” from hearing a question that I’ve heard asked so many times that I lost count… and the first thing I said to her was, “You don’t know a whole lot about men, do you? I mean outside of your own experiences.”

“Shit, I know men better than they know themselves,” she said in a huff.

“Well, if you really did, you’d know the answer to your own question,” I said.

“Hmph,” she said, giving me a look I couldn’t immediately decipher, not that it really mattered because she immediately launched into a dialog about how good she treated the men she’d been with – along with a statement of how good her pussy was, which made me turn my head so I could roll my eyes – then went on a torrent about how she broke up with many of them because she found out they were doing, “That nasty-ass gay shit.”

“That shit don’t make no sense,” she said… and making me grimace as my mind corrected her grammar in my head.

“Do you really want to know the answer?” I asked.

“If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t’ve asked,” she said, glaring at me.

“Okay,” I said. I thought for a moment, took a deep breath or two, and began to answer her question…

We get into “all that gay shit” for a lot of reasons and for the purposes of this scribble, I’m going to exclude the fact that some men discover that they’re gay so, um, duh, well, you know. I started out by saying that for many us and when we’re growing up, we experiment with sex with each other – and I had to cut her off from saying something by saying that despite what she thought, this is actually normal behavior no matter what she thought about that. I explained that not all guys experience this but many do and that some grow out of it and some don’t along with the fact that some guys experiment, find it not to their liking, and they’re one and done.

I did my best to condense my explanation by saying that when we can’t have sex, it’s normal for us to think of alternative ways and that includes masturbation and while that can provide a measure of relief, after a while, eh, it’s not as much fun as it was when we first discovered how to do it… but one of those alternative ways is to have some kind of sex with another guy and if they’d done it before, well, that just might work.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she said.

“That’s because you’re not a guy so, no, it wouldn’t make sense to you,” I replied. “You gonna let me finish?”

I had said that when it came to having sex with women – and I braced myself for what I called the usual reaction to what I was about to say – we learn that women can be funny and even stingy about having sex with us and not without reason, from not wanting to run the risk of getting pregnant to having prior experiences that had the effect of them making it harder for guys to get between their legs… and Crystal went off with the usual response that it’s her body and she doesn’t have to have sex with a dude if she didn’t want to and a long list of what a guy had to be like and do to get next to her and even then some dudes’ dick’s ain’t big enough, they don’t know how to eat pussy right, they cum too fast, they didn’t have a job and was still living at home, didn’t have a car, so on and so forth. She finished by saying that most of the time, she doesn’t even want to be bothered giving up the box (as we used to say back in the day).

I just looked at her with a slight smile on my face without saying anything, prompting her to ask me, “What?”

“You just answered your own question,” I said.

“How?” she asked, making me sigh and shake my head while thinking if she was even paying attention to what she was saying.

“Look, we know all of that stuff you just said and more and we know it because we hear it damned near all of the time and even when we’re hooked up, y’all seem to just love asking us, “Is that all you think about?” then getting all pissy about it and like you really don’t understand that, for the most part, it is all we think about and the part you probably don’t know is that it’s just the way we are. Then, y’all are famous for giving it to us and then taking it away from us or doling it out on ‘special occasions’ or whatever. What we also know is that are guys who would give their left leg to have sex with us and don’t ask me to try to explain this but it just makes sense that if girlfriend ain’t giving it up and it’s too much of a hassle to go find some other babe who might be willing, there’s this guy over there who’s ready to do whatever we might want to do – and he’s not gonna give us a bunch of shit about it.”

“So you’re saying it’s all a woman’s fault?” she asked.

“Sometimes it is but sometimes, a guy just has a different perspective about what having sex means,” I said – and hoping to cut off another tirade from her. “We are biologically programmed to want to have sex; social stuff says we’re only supposed to have sex with women and that’s all well and good but that’s not as easy to do as you think it is and, yeah, sometimes, it’s not enough. Yeah, we run around trying to screw every woman we think we might be able to and y’all call us all kinds of dogs and shit about that but depending on what’s going on in a particular dude’s mind, again, it doesn’t seem to take a whole lot for us to put two and two together and get it into our heads that, you know, getting with a dude – and no matter how fucked up that sounds – might be a good idea.”

Man, the look she gave me was precious; if cell phones with cameras existed, I would have taken a picture of that incredulous facial expression and I could tell she wasn’t buying anything I had just said… but that was to be expected… and just as I expected what I knew she was gonna say next.

“I don’t understand what dudes like about that shit!” she said and, again, as expected.

“You act like we don’t like having our dicks sucked or, really, it makes that much of a difference to fuck a guy in the ass and, um, well, you know that I know some stuff about you that I’m going to politely not mention,” I said. “The thought just never occurs to you that while woman have always owned sucking dicks, guys can find out that sucking dick is fun and all that – I mean, look at gay dudes; they’ve been doing it like forever so it must not be that bad, huh? If they found that being fucked in the ass is pleasurable, well, yeah, gotta be something to that, too – you act like women are the only ones who supposedly like to fucked and supposed to be… and the truth – and the truth I know you don’t wanna hear – is that it’s not the whole truth. A lot of dudes know this or they figure it out… and a lot of dudes say, “Nothing from nothing leaves nothing…” and do what they gotta do.”

“And I don’t know why you don’t know that or understand it,” I said.

“You know a lot of shit about this shit,” she said.

“I’m smarter than the average bear,” I replied. “You act like this is the first time I’ve ever heard this question and you know me; if I don’t know the answer, I’m gonna try to find it.”

“Hmm, I think that’s not the only reason you know the answer,” she said, giving me a very suspicious look.

“I’m still a guy,” I said and left it at that.

“Really? You? But, but…” she stammered.

“Yes, we’ve done it and a few times including an hour ago,” I said. “So I guess now that makes a huge difference to you and we won’t ever do it again, huh?”

I watched her sit and think and put it all together and now it was just a matter of what she was going to say next.

“You don’t look like the type,” she finally said.

“I don’t know what ‘the type’ looks like but, okay, I’m busted: I’m one of those guys who has a broader view of what it means to have sex… and I know you’re sitting there thinking about all kinds of shit as well as knowing that the shit you’re thinking about isn’t as true as you think. You’re sitting there thinking that you just had sex with a guy who has some kind of sex with guys and now you’re confused because when we have sex, you’re happy with it as far as I know but now you’re thinking it’s all fucked up,” I said – and the look on her face told me that I had nailed it.

“If you hadn’t figured this out, you wouldn’t have any reason to think the way you are right now,” I continued. “And the biggest thing that’s going on in your head is you’re trying to find out if anything was different now that you know this… and you can’t find anything that’s different.”

“I hate you,” she said. “You always seem to know what I’m thinking about and I don’t know how the fuck you do that.”

“One, I know you; it’s not like we just met. Two, it’s not like I’ve never had to explain myself to anyone or, yeah, heard that question before. The fucked up part is that I answer the question or explain why I am the way I am and people get all fucking weird about it and it’s happened so much that, yeah, it’s not that hard to figure out what’s going on in your head,” I said. “And, yeah, after a while, I just kinda get tired of explaining something to people who don’t want to listen or believe what I’m saying.”

The good part was that nothing changed between us. The conversation just came to an end and, um, we went to have a second go-round with each other but I could sense that she was still trying to figure out if the sex we were having was really different. I remember sitting and thinking later that night how so many people just don’t understand why we do the things we do when it comes to sex and especially choosing or decided to give sex with a guy a shot. To this very day, I don’t understand why this makes sense and the way it does and no matter why a guy decides that playing with a dick is or might be such a good idea.

Like I said, I’ve had this conversation so many times that I got to a point where I wouldn’t bother to even go there unless whoever asked the question wasn’t going to let me get away with not answering it and every time, I’d always remember something my grandfather would say: If you don’t want to know, don’t ask and I found that a lot of people really didn’t want to know and they certainly didn’t like the answers to their questions, leading me to adopt the position to not ask me questions you don’t wanna hear the answer to and when it comes to this, a lot of people don’t wanna hear the answer…

Because it invalidates everything they believe in. I’ve heard that “Just admit you’re really gay!” bullshit and it speaks to how institutionalized we are to keep believing that any man who has sex with another man has to be gay when that’s not the truth but it’s understandable why they’d think this way and to find out that it’s not the truth, yep – that can be very upsetting to go along with them being disabused over the fact that they just found out something about me that they didn’t know – and they thought they knew me and people do not like having their perceptions fucked with.

Crystal found that the only thing different about me is that I like to suck dick and that it didn’t do a damned thing to my desire to have sex with women. I had to laugh at her when she said – either to me or herself – “Well, that explains a few things.” I had asked her what that was about and I had to give her props when she said that I’m probably as good as I am when it comes to eating pussy because I know how to suck a dick… and I had told her that knowing how to do that does help but I’ve always been a pussy eating fiend.

She was okay with it; the sad part is a lot of people aren’t and I’ve found they aren’t because of what they tend to believe along with what they don’t know and, yeah, like me asking her if she really knew anything about men which was a loaded question because I knew that she didn’t and not like she thought she did. And, in reality, it’s not her fault but the fault of a system of belief that perpetrates and fosters its position that there’s only one way for anyone to have sex and the presumption that if you’re a man, pussy is all you’re ever gonna need. To that end – and I almost hate to say it – the way women are or can be about having sex more often drives a man to get in bed with another man. It’s not to say that they’re not well within their very human right to be the way they are about it but men, well, we’re a different critter and that hard-wired imperative for us to have sex can just drive us to do it and, yes, even if it’s with another guy… and not all that different when a woman comes to the decision that sleeping with another woman not only makes sense but it’s just what she needs to do.

It’s just that because of what we believe, no one really gives women the kind of prejudicial shit that men get because as I’ve said time and time again, everyone knows that we’re not supposed to have sex with each other and if we are – and because we can – we’re all kinds of fucked up. Crystal came the decision that, hmm, I’m not as fucked up as she believed and, again, the only thing that really changed was that she now knew something about me that she didn’t know before. She handled it… and a lot of people just can’t.

The end of this particular story showed Crystal falling in love with another woman and they had a pretty good relationship; I’d seen her one day and she said, “I know what you know… and I still hate it when you’re right!”

Us guys come up with all kinds of reasons and justifications for sleeping with other men and when we’re not gay but the bottom line is that we do because it’s still sex and there’s no escaping that hard-wired imperative for a great many of us. And like the late, great Richard Pryor once said, “A lack of pussy’ll make a motherfucker crazy!” and, yeah, “crazy” enough to do the unthinkable and have sex with another man. Sometimes, it’s not even about a lack of pussy and that’s not easy for some to wrap their head around but when you know why they can’t, well, you understand why they don’t understand.

Sometimes, it’s what you don’t know that’ll get you all shook up. A lot of people think they know some shit about sex until they find out that they only know one side of it and it’s the side our morality wants everyone to pay attention to and abide by…

And the reality, they find, is very different. Why do we do that “gay shit?” Because we can. Because we want to and sometimes, because we have to…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “After Saying All of That…”

…how does one get permission as to avoid having to resort to (a) being on the DL about it or (b) wind up suffering in some unpleasant ways?

The kind of non-answer is you get permission the best way you think you can get it. It’s not as simple as just asking for it and one can’t assume that whoever you’re wanting to have this conversation with is going to be all that understanding about why you want permission to do something that, morally, you have no business doing, let along thinking about.

Here’s a truth many might be aware of: You can’t stop someone from doing something they want to do… but in this, you sure can make their life a living hell for it and this is what typically happens when one asks for permission to be able to express their sexuality in a very sexual way. And it is among the worst conversations to have in this particular area with asking for an open relationship right at the top of the list and just as bad as asking permission to be bisexual. It is to mention that single people kinda/sorta don’t have to worry about this but even they can be on the DL about this so it’s not just a problem for those who are in a relationship.

For those who’d love to have it, it makes sense because begging forgiveness can be pretty humbling and otherwise uncomfortable and not as problematic as asking for permission might be… and I put it that way because it’s is quite possible that you really don’t know if the person you’re asking permission of is going to say yea or nay to the proposition but we do assume that we’re not gonna get it.

It came to me, just a moment or so ago, that I could write down everything I’ve learned about this and not get close to literally everything it might take to get permission. I know one would need a very comprehensive plan just to bring the conversation up and that plan should including answering any and all questions – and no matter how “private” those maybe – and concerns as well as dealing with the way they’re going to react and respond to such an outrageous request and be ready to be accused of cheating already and have a comprehensive plan on what this is going to look like, the safety measures you’re going to employ, and what’s in it for them should they give their permission and being prepared, willing, and able to give them whatever they say they’re gonna want in return for this…

And provided they don’t just shut you down after their brain processes what you just said to them when you started the conversation… and that’s just the stuff you have to plan for before you even say anything to them.

Then keep this in mind: “No plan survives first contact with the enemy.” The person you’re planning to talk to isn’t the “enemy” in that sense but you can be assured that however you’ve planned to present this to them, you’re gonna have to be able to adjust on the fly because the bad thing about plans is that you cannot plan for every eventuality and it always seems that the things that wind up biting you in the ass – and preventing you from getting permission – are the things you didn’t – or couldn’t – think of. So if you can, it’s best to have Plans A through ZZZ if you can think that deeply… and that might not be enough.

Then plan to be prepared for the moment when they take something about you and make it all about them. Then be prepared to possibly face some very raw emotions that might be fuglier than anything you’ve ever seen or heard of before.

And once you get it all planned out, it’s time to roll the dice and take your chances that you’re not gonna roll snake eyes and crap out… and plan for what you’re going to do if you do crap out because not only no good deed ever go unpunished, there are always consequences and if you write the check, your ass is gonna have to cash it.

Maybe. The hard part – and if this wasn’t hard enough to being with – is not really knowing how they’re going to react or what they’re going to say. You can have some degree or percentage of certainty that you know the person you’re talking to and then have your plan not survive the contact when you find that you didn’t really know them as well as you thought you did.

Or maybe you did and you’re thinking that you’d be able to reason with them… then find out there no reasoning with them… or they’re very reasonable and, well, you get the point. In this, I “like” to say that it’s said that what you don’t know can’t hurt you but in this, oh, yeah, it most certainly can and, if history is any indication, it most certainly will.

Other than the very comprehensive plan(s) I mentioned, methinks you need some other skills and beginning with being able to communicate effectively and that includes being able to just sit and listen… and even if it’s some stuff you’d normally not want to listen to. Having good negotiation skills are a plus because there really and truly is no such thing as a free lunch, to put it that way. Everything has a price and everyone presumably does… and your planning should include what you’re willing to “pay” for this permission.

If this sounds daunting, that’s because it is. If this sounds too much like work, that’s because it is. If you go into this conversation thinking about what you’re not going to do in order to get this permission, you’re fucked and I do not mean in a good way. And keep in mind that at this point, you haven’t even brought the matter up to them yet.

And I seriously and meaningfully do wish you all the luck in the world.

Do some get permission? Yes. Was it easy? Eh, probably not. In most situations I know about, one conversation isn’t enough and several conversations are needed to, one, reinforce your position and, two, to give the other person time to process what you’ve been saying to them. It can take days… or much longer than that just to have this conversation and get it to the acceptance point and before putting your heads together to figure out how best to handle this very new situation that no one really expects to crop up.

“Well, how did you get permission?”

Well, I didn’t ask for it; the bottom line is that it was the price to paid for me to give permission. I was given an ultimatum (which I didn’t like) and I made a decision that when I’ve mentioned it to others, I’ve been told didn’t make sense to them and to which I would say, “Well, this wasn’t about you, was it… and I don’t remember asking you what you think or what you would have done, did I?” Trust me… you would not have wanted to be present to hear how that conversation really went.

All after the fact, I had a moment to think how that conversation would have been… better presented and I spent quite a bit of time sussing it out and factoring in all that I’d heard from others who asked for permission and whether they got it or not or, in the other situation, being the one on the fence and having to make the decision to give permission or deny it… and the price they paid for their denial.

There’s just no easy or clear-cut way to do this. I know there are publications and other writings that seek to explain this and how best to go about it but it is to keep in mind that the people who wrote these things don’t know about the person you’re going to be talking to and, in some situation, they don’t have to live with that person and especially if the whole thing fails… and it’s possible that after this conversation, you might not be living with them going forward.

This can get… messy. But if getting permission is, in your opinion, a better option than (1) doing nothing or (2) being on the DL, then gird your loins and ask for it and according to whatever plan you’ve put together for this. They say it never hurts to ask but in this? Oh, yes – there will be pain unless the person you’re presenting this to is very much open and down to earth and understands some stuff that a great many people don’t and can’t understand.

And good luck. I really do mean that. What’s ironically funny is that some folks can see the sense of giving permission to open things up… until they get the request and now it makes no damned sense at all… and you also have to plan for this, too. Some people are just NIMBY about it – not in my back yard. It’s okay for someone else… but it sure as fuck not okay for you or them.

And as lengthy as this scribble is, I haven’t even scratched the surface and at this point, I will take my leave and go watch TV…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Being on the DL

Oh, my goodness! You wanna talk about one of the most hated things? This is it. If you listen to what most people have to say about those on the DL (or, formally, the down-low) some of the stuff I’ve heard people say about it would make going to the worst hell you can imagine look like a picnic on a beautiful spring day. The fact is a lot of people have a very low opinion of anyone who’s on the DL and in all the riffing against bisexuality and bisexuals, the DL is being used as a stick to beat bisexuals with as well as injecting a great deal of fear in people and whether they’re in a relationship or not.

Some of the things I’ve heard women say about “those DL motherfuckers” has been so bad that I’ve felt an urge to curl up in a ball in the nearest corner and start sucking my thumb again. “Vicious” doesn’t even begin to cover what some women think about bisexual men and that we’re guilty of being on the DL… and even if we aren’t. Those who are riffing against bisexuality – and male bisexuality specifically – have instilled and install the thought that if a woman gets involved with a guy who’s on the DL, she will most definitely get infected with something and die a horrible death and in the next couple of minutes and, no, I am not joking about that because I’ve seen it written like that.

Okay, somewhat of a history lesson about the DL and beginning with it’s not something new under the sun and something a lot of people either don’t know or even think about is that any time they’re keeping something from someone, they’re on the DL which, historically, has been that “place” that people go when, in this context, they want to do something that they don’t want anyone else knowing about… and that could be anything, to be truthful even though we’ve super-glued the DL to things like affairs and, yes, having same-sex sex and we tend to rant and rave at length at how dirty, nasty, and just plain old fucked up it is for anyone to be on the DL.

Here’s the thing. It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission and since it’s probably not very damned likely you’re going to get permission, that puts bisexuals in a very major quandary (and whether you’re in a relationship or not, by the way) the choices are pretty limited up to and including doing absolutely nothing at all. In this, bisexuals tend to get backed into a corner and their only choices is to stay in that corner… or “come out swinging” and, honestly, it doesn’t take a whole lot for someone to think of ways to do what they have to do and without anyone finding out what they’re up to.

Welcome to the DL. Admittedly, yes – some bad things can happen but the thing is that we assumed that bad things will happen and we can think of some creatively bad things when, um, let’s say ‘in some cases’ the only bad thing that’s really happening is someone doing something and no one knows about it. Indeed one of the things that bi guys – and specifically – insist and demand is discretion and, again, it doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not because no one can ever know that the stand up and great guy everyone knows about has a secret and that secret is he enjoys having sex with other men.

We always seem to talk about bisexuals being closeted and as if they’re not on in a closet of their own making but chained in that closet and too afraid to come out of it but, again, one of the things people don’t know or think about is that if “Harry” is bisexual, he’s been on the DL ever since he became aware that he’s bisexual… and not all bisexuals hide and stay chained in their closet because if they can, they’re out there having mad crazy sex in this unapproved way and if they’ve been careful, prudent and discrete about it, no one knows about it. Indeed, the only reason why a bisexual would be in the closet in the first place because they don’t want anyone else to know but, of course, the quandary is that compulsion to tell someone that they’re bisexual and the near paralyzing fear of doing that.

People, I think, go on the DL with the premise of what someone doesn’t know can’t hurt them… and they’re quite wrong about that because it can hurt them in a great many ways and, yeah, including being dealt the disease card. Oddly, you almost can’t blame someone for being on the DL given how a lot of people have a very negative way of looking at homosexual sex; if you were on the DL and having an affair and banging some other man/woman, well, yeah, that’s some fucked up shit… but not as fucked up as being on the DL and getting some dick in secret. While we tend to allow that it’s “okay” for a woman to get some pussy, there are a lot of women on the DL, too, and not all of them get a pass and, yeah, anyone who gets caught being on the DL is gonna have some explaining to do and in the face of some very miffed people who get miffed because you were doing something that not only they didn’t know you were doing but you’re not the person they thought you were… and the reason they thought this is because you were on the DL about being bisexual and that means you never told them but, again, there’s a damned good reason not to.

Being and keeping things on the DL isn’t all about having sex and in any unapproved way; it’s is simply keeping anything under your hat that you don’t want anyone else to know about. If you have a secret, you’ve been on the DL; if you’re one of those gals who invoke, “A lady has to have some secrets,” yeah, you’ve been on the DL, too. Ya might disagree with this but if you think about it, you might see that I’m right because all it means is that there’s some stuff about you that you just don’t want anyone else to know about and, no, it’s probably not a bad thing… but many will assume that it is because, well, that’s just the way we think and behave in this situation and I’ll even admit that when I’ve heard a woman say this, my first thought is, “Uh-oh…” before I remember that whatever it is she’s not gonna tell me may or may not be the stuff of nightmares so getting weird about it doesn’t make any sense and, really, if it’s something she wants me to know, she’ll tell me… or not.

We think that being on the DL is the worst thing to do and, again, the stuff where one’s worst nightmares – and then some – come to hang out when, as you can see, it’s not being all DL-ish that is the problem: It’s why one is there and, again, anyone who is on the DL about anything is there because there’s some stuff about them that they do not want anyone else to know about yet or ever. As it refers to bisexuals, it’s either go on the DL to do whatever you need to do, ask for permission (if you’re in a relationship and good luck with that one) or do absolutely nothing about it and, as it can turn out, this can be more damaging to someone than the first two choices can be and, yes, I’m talking about the “mental illness” thing because I can’t think of too many things that’s worst than needing to do something about this and not being able to do it and no matter why you can’t. It can and will eat someone alive and is as destructive to one’s self-worth, self-image, and emotional well-being (and that includes some physical stuff) than the most powerful corrosive which, if I remember correctly is hydrofluoric acid.

Nasty shit, that HF… and so is finding or putting yourself on lockdown and, in many situations, sacrificing yourself in favor of protecting the sensibilities of “everyone” else. Now, uh, some people are not of a mind to make such a sacrifice since it does tend to be hazardous to their health and, again, if they can’t get permission and staying on lockdown has been slowly eating them up, um, there’s only one thing left to do: Do what you gotta do and, hopefully, with no one ever finding out that you’re doing it. Okay. Some people hit the DL and shit just happens but it doesn’t mean that “everyone” on the DL is careless and being there without giving a lot of thought about what could possible go wrong… but we, again, assume that if someone is on the DL, every bad thing imaginable will happen to them.

I know some folks who believe in their heart and soul that telling the truth is the best thing to do… and, amazingly, like whoever they’re being truthful to will just say, “Oh, okay – that fine with me; look at you doing the self-care thing!” Yeah, that’s not likely to happen and many of us know this – and, yeah, we know that some will let us know that they really don’t give a fuck what we’re doing as long as we’re happy doing it. They say that the truth will set you free and, yup, if you’re in a relationship you could be freed from that responsibility and obligatory state and if you’re single, well, you could find yourself literally without a friend in the world… and, as such, being on the DL is strangely a better option because – yes, you guessed it – it’s better to beg forgiveness not only for doing whatever you’re doing but also for “deceiving” them into believing something about you that you know isn’t true and, yes, I put it like that because you will be accused of deceiving them by keeping this thing about you on the DL.

People do not like to be deceived and tend to react badly when they are. The truth might set you free but the truth also hurts like the motherfucker to end all motherfuckers. As such, being on the DL about pretty much anything isn’t really a good thing since honestly is supposedly the best policy but who among us doesn’t have something about us that we will never tell anyone?

Welcome, one more time, to the DL. Hah… we talk about how “everyone” has a skeleton or two or a cemetery’s worth in their closet and that’s either funny as hell or draws a lot of suspicion and speculation but if you have a skeleton that no one knows about, you’ve been on the DL and even with justification. We keep such things “under our hats” or this is between me and thee and no one else can be privy to it and keeping it under your hat is a more polite way of saying, “Let’s keep this on the down-low, okay?” and, once more, it could be anything… including the fact you don’t want anyone to know that you’re out there sucking cock or eating pussy when, um, you’re not supposed to be doing that.

You nasty-assed motherfucking freak. In this context, I don’t know of anyone who wants to hear such things being said about them and, also in this context, when you leave someone to their own devices and give them little in the way of choice or recourse, they’re either going to choose to suffer with this or take matters into their own hands and do something about it. The fucked up part is that we are so pitifully immature about such things that we’d prefer someone to suffer than to see to it that they don’t. There are risks and many of them can be minimized, mitigated, and even eliminated and, in relationship settings, negotiated and, again, good luck with that one. Many hit the DL because they feel that they have no other choice or it’s the only viable option and many think that the only way to make this aspect of the DL a non-issue is if and when society, as a whole, gets their collective heads out of their asses and grow the fuck up as well as a very major revision – or elimination – of our morality as it currently exists.

Yeah, that’s not gonna happen any time soon so if/when someone has that very great need to express their sexuality in a very sexual way, it’s either ask for permission, do nothing… or do something and hope that no one ever finds out that your doing it. And if you’re on the DL and of a mind that you’re getting away withit, I’ll quote my late and very revered mother and say, “Every closed eye ain’t asleep…” which means that just because someone doesn’t say something doesn’t mean they don’t know something. Fact is that a lot of people on the DL ain’t as slick as they think they are; you might be able to “fool” some people but you can’t “fool” everyone and I’ll tell you a secret: Most people on the DL get busted for being there… because they pretty much do it to themselves. Yeah, that’s right – they rat themselves out and they’re not usually or always are aware that they did. For example, when you have sex, you can shower or wash up until you take off some skin… but the scent of sex gets into your skin and stays there for a bit and trying to cover it up with perfumes or colognes, well, it can be an effort in futility. Most of the time, it’s one’s own behaviors that will give them away and there’s a lot of ways that can happen that I’m not going to mention at this time except for the one a lot of people probably don’t think about: Someone else being very intuitive; it’s like they have a “sixth sense” and can just look at you and they know you’re up to “no good” even if they don’t specifically know what… and women are eerily and uncannily good at this.

Sigh. We’re all on the DL about something and many of those things can be deemed to be innocent like planning a surprise party for someone and the fact that if they know about it, it’s not going to surprise them. The DL is much more than what people think it is but as in so many other thing, we’re too prone to always think the worst about stuff and then only look at that aspect. If there’s something about you that you don’t want anyone else to know, does that really make you a bad person? There are many who’d say that you are, you fake-assed, lying son of a bitch and other such things. I heard a story about a man who was sneaking out at night to take dancing lessons because, for one, his wife loved to dance and was always complaining about not being able to go dancing even though she knew her husband couldn’t dance and he wanted to surprise her.

She got the sense that something was up with him as well as seeing money being spent that she knew she wasn’t spending and she didn’t recognize the business the money was being paid to (and didn’t bother to investigate) and assumed that her husband was on the DL and having an affair with a lot of other women and was prepared to divorce him and take it all and including the clothes on his cheating, sneaky ass. As the story went, she secretly contacted a lawyer and had the papers drawn out and, one night, when the unsuspecting hubby came in from his final lesson – he passed the class – she handed him the divorce papers and read him the riot act… until she finally ask him what he had to say for himself and when he confessed to going out at night and spending the money on dance lessons so he could take her dancing, well, they didn’t get divorced… but then she bitched him out for not telling her what he was up to.

I don’t know if the story is true or not but this is a fair example of being on the DL about something and, yeah, how potentially catastrophic it can be… and all because the poor guy wanted to surprise her with his newly obtained ability to dance with her. And if he had told her – and the person relaying this story to me said that he should have – it wouldn’t have been the pleasant surprise he envisioned. It just “proves” that you can be on the DL with good intentions and still get your ass kicked for it. People hate it when other people are being secretive… and even if they have some secrets they’d prefer that no one knew about.

The DL is that place to go when there’s something – anything – you don’t want other people knowing about and either in the short or long term. Not everything that goes on the DL is bad or nefarious – but we sure as fuck assume that it is and in the context of bisexuality itself and going out there having the sex, we always assume the worse and there are people out there telling you to do just that… and, again, to make this aspect of the DL go by the wayside, we gotta change some shit and change a lot of minds and that’s just not gonna happen “overnight” if at all so, yeah, some find that the only choice they have – and even in a self-preservation way – is to do whatever they gotta do… and hope like hell no one find out about it.

Let the moral flaming begin…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “How Do You Decide?”

“Rodney” and I had spent the last half hour sucking each other into blissful release and as we lay sprawled across the bed getting our respective acts together – and in anticipation of round two, he propped himself up on his elbows and instead of saying how nice that was – and I kinda expected something like that – he asked, “How do you decide?”

The question caught me off-guard but I recovered to ask, “How do I decide what?” – and while my brain was busy running through every permutation of possible answers to such an open-ended question.

“How do you decide to, you know, get some cock?” he asked, filling in the gap he’d left hanging. For a moment, I just sat there looking at him but not seeing him as my brain went into full processing mode and it was like I could feel my neurons firing as they searched through all of my memories for an answer but multi-tasking to remind me that when we were arranging our meet, one of the selling points was that we were both married and bisexual so, at the least, I had a starting point for why he asked what he did.

As my brain worked the question, I also “saw” that I really didn’t know how to answer the question, well, verbally; I knew the answer but how to put it into words? As I pondered this, Rodney just laid there watching me think and awaiting an answer; I took a deep breath, sighed, and did my best to answer him.

“It’s kinda like a coin flip in my head,” I had slowly began. “I think that, yeah, I need to get laid and while I know that I could go jump my lady’s bones – and she’d be happy about that – I kinda search how I’m feeling and, well, what I want is to suck some dick and be sucked; things take a look at this and it’s like my mind and body comes to a consensus and says, “Yeah, that’ll work!” – and I start looking for someone who’ll want to do what I want to do – does that make sense?”

Rodney propped himself back up onto his elbows and now it was his turn to do some thinking and a moment later, he nodded to himself and said, “Yeah, I think it does… but it is a hard decision to make?”

“No, not really but, if you remember, I’ve been bisexual for almost all of my life so in a lot of ways, it’s a decision that I don’t really think about – even though I’m obviously doing just that – and it’s never been a hard decision; if my libido says I need to suck some dick, that’s what I do.”

“If you, um, if you screw your lady, does that change anything?” he asked, sitting up a bit more.

“No, it doesn’t,” I said. “Yeah, I’m getting laid but if I’m craving dick, that doesn’t go away but – and before you ask – it doesn’t take anything away from getting pussy; I can be very satisfied after that but I still want dick and I’ve learned to listen to myself and do my best not to put it off for very long and it’s a matter of not sitting on my ass and questioning myself about something I know I want to do and delaying doing something about it. It’s… complicated and not easy to explain.”

I thought about this moment in time and just as I did in that moment, I actually started thinking about what I’m thinking and feeling when I want to spend some time blowing some guy’s brains out (and getting mine blown out, too). It’s an… internal conversation I have with myself and, yeah, most of the time, I’m not even aware that the conversation is taking place but after the internal deliberations have concluded, I get a “message” saying that I need to get some dick and sooner is much better than later. And I just go with it and I’ve never had a reason to question the “decision” and since I don’t “ask” myself if I’m sure that’s what I wanna do, it’s never been a hard decision to make, well, that part of it isn’t since I still have to do the work to find someone who’d meet my three main criteria: Be of legal age to have sex, be healthy enough to have sex, and don’t be my idea of an asshole.

The hunt for cock is much more difficult than making the decision to get some. I remember the opening conversation with Rodney and how he fell into that category of guys who, when they can’t get any pussy for some reason, their alternative is to get some dick and I remember his… surprise when I told him that I wasn’t that kind of guy because I’d want dick whether I was getting pussy or not and that’s because either way, it’s still having sex. I remember him saying that he found this to be unusual but I hadn’t reacted to it because I could easily figure out why he would; he was only “bisexual” when he had reason to be and opposed to me being bisexual all of the time and I remember telling him that my bisexuality doesn’t have an off switch.

The decision to exchange blow jobs with him was harder than the decision to get it done was. He’d passed all three of my criteria and that, all by itself, was refreshing since most guys can’t get past the last “requirement” because, well, this ain’t my first rodeo as they say and I’ve had the benefit of having a lifetime of experience with assholes and those who try to, as they say, bullshit a bullshitter; I wasn’t officially born at night (I was born in the afternoon) but I sure as fuck wasn’t born last night and I’m not easily fooled and not like I could be in my youth and, yeah, I can play the game with the best of them and better than they can if you wanna play this stupid game to begin with.

I often write about the differences between balance and integration when it comes to dealing with being bisexual; many guys seek to strike a balance and something I think isn’t quite “impossible” but it’s not easy to do because they’re trying to balance something that always keeps “shifting and moving all over the place” and as my protégé discovered when he tried to do something I suggested he not even bother with… and I know this because I’d tried to balance things between getting some pussy and getting some dick and, well, I still don’t think it can be done because you never know what you’re gonna feel like until you do and while some guys think “pussy or dick?” because I learned to integrate my sexuality into the entirety of my life, my mind just says, “Either one will do…” and if I have a particular craving, it’s no big deal or presents any difficulties to get what I’m craving… but I still have to be able to get it and that, again, is harder than making the decision one way or the other because the integration says, “It’s still sex.”

I had gone on to explain to Rodney that I don’t really as much decide as I just “go along” with whatever my libido says I need; I’d explained to him that I do go through a process that includes the likelihood of getting what I’m craving and all the hassles involved and even if I wanna be bothered with going through all of that – and sometimes I don’t. I think I confused him and I momentarily felt bad that I had… but he had asked me a question that I’d never had reason to think about, let alone try to explain and because, to me, it’s all the same thing to me and not one of those “hamburger or steak” decisions that, I think, a lot of guys process things and more so when hamburger, generally speaking, is just ground-up steak or beef to begin with so, yeah, it’s all the same to me; only the form is different.

Yeah… my mind and in the way I integrated my bisexuality tends to work like that. It reminds me of that rather annoying question a lot of guys ask: Which do you prefer? Pussy or cock? And while guys go on and on about choosing one over the other, my answer has always been facetiously, “Yes!” and when I’m not being somewhat sarcastic about answering like that, a lot of guys have “looked” at me like I’m crazy because I’m not making a hard choice or preference and as they tend to do… because my integrated sexuality says, again, that either will work to satisfy the need. Sure, I might want one more than the other at times but that’s something I feel is just normal for me; I have those moments where, as I say at times, I get a very bad case of dick on the brain or an even “worse” bad case of pussy on the brain but the integration still says that if I can’t get dick, the pussy’s still good and vice versa.

A lot of guys treat this as two different things… and I learned that they aren’t so much and that was the first step I took into being able to integrate this crazy-assed thing going on with me instead of trying to pull off a balancing act that I saw was… problematic. The question I had asked myself way back then was, “Does it really make that much of a difference which one you get?” and after a whole lot of deliberation – and, as I recall, it took almost a year of internal discussion – I decided that, no, it’s doesn’t make that much of a difference because I can be more than satisfied either way. Factor in some other “details” that are very intangible and my integration just clicked into place and it’s been that way for so long that when Rodney asked the question, it really did take some doing on my part to try to answer it… and, in retrospect, I don’t think I did a good job answering his question.

Yeah, the inside of my head – and especially with this – is pretty complex and complicated but in a way that makes the “pussy or dick” question a… non-issue because my integration just tends to “bottom-line” it and, in a way I wouldn’t ever or even try to explain (but I know it) it’s still all the same; it’s sex and who I can have it with, again, is much, much harder. Yes, I (again) go through a lot more thinking and decision making in the pursuit of having sex but I think because it’s never a given that I’m going to get laid, it makes getting either thing an easier choice to make or, actually, not a choice at all in that sense but, yeah, either will do quite nicely, thank you very much.

Did I mention that the inside of my head can be… complicated? I did? Oh, okay – just checking.

It’s a difference which makes no difference because either way, I get to take care of my need to have sex and while the pleasures to be had are “different,” they all serve the purpose so there’s no real need to consciously think about it or sit and think, “Hmm, what do I wanna do (or what I want)?” The integration I achieved just says, “Either one will do and if you get lucky and get both, does it get any better?”

Um, no, it most certainly doesn’t… and welcome to what goes on inside my head about this.

While I was going down on Rodney for a second time, he said something about his being impressed that I could switch between sex with men and women without, apparently, having to think about it. I heard him – and I wasn’t sure he was talking to me or to himself and I had to not pay attention to it since, um, I was busy doing something else – but way back in the back of my mind, I could feel a part of shrug off his being impressed because, to me, being able to that was as normal as breathing is… and I don’t think about breathing any more than anyone else unless I’m having a problem doing that… and none of this is a “problem” for me… but if I’m thinking about like a lot of guys do, yeah, it does become a problem and, nope, I can’t explain why it is – it just is and not too dissimilar to having a stuffy nose.

We finished each other off and while I was gearing up to do him again, he didn’t have to tell me that he’d had enough but he said as much. As we got cleaned up, he asked what I was going to do after leaving him and I said, “I’m gonna go home and get some pussy.” I was looking at him and saw him blink in that way that told me my answer had baffled him for a moment. He had asked if I was that horny and I said that it wasn’t about being horny so much as it being the “next thing” on my sexual list of things to do and, um, why not? He got this look on his face that experience had taught me he was thinking that I wasn’t satisfied with what we’d done so I nipped that in the bud and told him that, yes, I had one hell of a good time with him and I definitely wouldn’t mind getting with him again… but this wasn’t about him but it was about just the way I am. Did he do a good job of blowing me? Hell, yeah, he did! Did I have fun blowing him? Shit yeah because to me, the only thing better than sucking dick is – and always will be – eating pussy.

He seemed to accept what I’d said to him and could sense that his concern was taken care of… and it probably helped that I had bent over and gave his soft cock a parting good last sucking, not so much to allay his concerns but, um, because his dick felt good in my mouth and he tasted divine. As I left his place for home, my mind did begin to ponder his question in more detail – you do not want to know how that went even if I could explain it – but the thing I came away with was that because I had integrated my sexuality into the entirety of my life, why choose one over the other when both can satisfy the higher level need of having sex? There’s no real “decision” to make, in that sense or, if there is one, it’s buried so deep in my subconscious that it’s inaccessible and I guess since it is, there’s no point or purpose in thinking about it.

Did I mention…? Oh, my bad – I did, didn’t I?

I get to see guys waffling back and forth in these things; I see them trying to strike a balance between one or the other and, at least in my opinion, if they’re having trouble being totally comfortable with their bisexuality, it’s because they haven’t integrated it and in the “It’s all the same” way I somehow managed to. I think they’re caught up in a kind of “one or the other thing” that just might be an offshoot of that very stupid sentiment said to bisexuals to pick a side and stay on it and, to me, it’s funny to see others raising hell about the binary nature of what we are when I know that our minds work this way and especially where bisexuality is concerned; “bi” means two and a lot of mind “automatically” draws a line between the two things – pussy or dick – and, it’s just me, but I think they should be thinking “pussy and dick” because, again, either one (or both if ya can get it like that) will feed the need.

And because I’ve integrated this, I am very comfortable being bisexual and have been for decades. I’m not indiscriminate nor am I careless; I do consider all of the pros and cons and other shit that must be taken into consideration either way and that includes being able to convince someone that having sex with me isn’t going to be a mistake or a waste of their time and effort… and that’s never easy. Whatever becomes available, be it pussy or dick, serves the purpose and satisfies the need and, as such, there’s nothing to decide between. It’s the thing that, again, makes me roll my eyes when guys get into “heated” discussions over preferring one over the other and I will most certainly be dipped in shit if I don’t understand why they don’t just prefer to have sex – period. I know why they make this more complicated than it has to be… because they make it complicated for themselves trying to balance their desires instead of integrating or even unifying it into one unseparated thing… but that’s me… and I am very happy that I’m not like that. Give me one or the other (or both) and I’m a happy camper.

Then, if things weren’t complicated for a lot of guys to being with, they spend so much time kicking their own asses over who and not thinking so much about what and, yeah, that’s a whole different flavor of clusterfuck and one that I avoid because, again, it doesn’t make a difference since either will do and if you can meet those three requirements, now it’s a matter of where and when.

And that just works because it’s supposed to.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Much Dreaded and Hated “Blow and Go”

You can thank the fellas on the forum for the “inspiration” for this scribble.

As a forum member, I get to see what’s on the mind of my fellow members, from their fantasies to what they like and can’t stand… and while there’s no love for fakes and flakes, there is much disdain for the blow and go and it pisses a lot of guys off because, I dunno, maybe they’re of a mind that if two guys get together to suck each other off, it should be a long and drawn out thing to do and has to be done more than once.

What many of them don’t know or bother to think about are the two enemies of a blow job: Time and that really fucked up refractionary period of sex that can have a devastating impact on men. Let’s start with time.

The “high points” about a blow job are that it can be done almost anywhere, doesn’t usually require any preparation and, importantly, they don’t often take a whole lot of time; I’ve gotten guys off as fast as 30 seconds and the average time for me is around five to ten minutes and depending on whether or not the guy jerked off before the fact. But time is an enemy because there are some times when you just don’t have the time to have a long, hot and sweaty cock sucking session with a guy. Even when I was working, I’d often use a lunch break to dash off to suck and be sucked, bust a nut, and hustle right back to work. Yeah, it’s better to plan these things when both guys have enough time to take their time doing it but sometimes it just doesn’t happen like that. One might think that it makes no sense to do it if you don’t have the time to “do it right…” but we’re guys and when we want to do some cock sucking, if we can squeeze it into whatever’s happening in our day, we’re gonna do it.

Sometimes a guy is sitting a home on a day off (or whatever) and, with married guys, the little lady is going to be gone for a specific amount of time so he’s home alone and that’s the perfect moment to get a guy to come over so dicks can be sucked… but the clock is ticking and more so when you don’t really know when she’s going to return (if she’s out and about locally) so it’s like, “Let’s hurry up and get this done!” Depending upon how quickly the nuts are given up, there might be time for a second round but it’s better to err on the side of caution and even if there is time, there’s always the second enemy of a blow job:

That goddamned, motherfucking refractionary period of sex and something I don’t think a lot of men know about or understands. We get all horny, our dicks get harder than times in 1929, and we do something about that; we reach the climax point, ejaculate… and almost in the same moment, the refractionary period kicks in and by the time it really sets in, not only can we not feel like doing anything else, it’s going to take x-amount of time before we can, and the ugly-assed feeling a lot of experience is often mistaken for feeling guilty but, nah, that’s not what’s really happening.

The analogy I like to use to explain this is that we just run out of gas and with the gas being the mix of chemicals that hit our brains that get us aroused and able to have sex and once those chemicals are depleted, we’re pretty much hosed at that point and it is to note that this period isn’t the same for all men nor does it impact us badly each and every time… but it happens to all of us and with women, too.

The Japanese called having an orgasm, “The Little Death” because, well, maybe it’ll surprise you to know that when a person orgasms, they are physically displaying all of the signs of having a heart attack and, yes, this is kinda different with multi-orgasmic women. Men do orgasm despite it being believed that we don’t and we can ejaculate without orgasm (and they think the two things are the same) but, yeah, “normally” we orgasm as we ejaculate and heralds the refractionary period… and that’s exactly how our bodies are designed to work. Mom Nature says we get aroused, have sex, deliver our seed… and your job is done and it’s game over for an indeterminate period of time.

The end result is a guy gets his dick sucked, cums, and moments later, he really and seriously wants to be somewhere else and is usually in a damned hurry to be there. This, again, pisses a lot of guys off and tend to spew all kinds of not-nice things about the guy getting his rocks off and hauling ass and, usually before he himself busts a nut. Then there are the guys who do bust a nut – and before the other guy does – and so many of the members tend to worry themselves “sick” trying to figure out why they lose their desire to have sex after cumming…

And it just flat-out floors me that they don’t know why. You know the saying, “The mind is willing but the flesh is weak”? Yeah, that’s pretty much what’s going on with this. It’s the reason why a lot of us, even when having sex with women, will cum and, yep, fall asleep and all because we’ve literally run out of gas and couldn’t continue even if we know we’d better if we don’t want her giving us a bunch of shit about cumming before she could get hers. Now, some of us can work through that period but I gotta tell you that it doesn’t feel good because you’re body is telling your brain that you just do not feel like it and you’d rather go rebuild an engine with just a screwdriver and a pair of pliers than to keep on having sex. Some guys can cum and be ready to go again in mere minutes; their refractionary period is very short but it still happens just the same. And the longer the refractionary period is delayed, the ugly the crash is after it arrives and, yeah, there are a lot of women who also don’t understand this as well even though, again, they have a refractionary period, too, and as evidenced in any time you’ve had sex with a woman and when it’s all said and done, she’s out of the bed and going somewhere as fast as her legs can carry her… and no matter if she wanted it to keep going or not.

Yeah… I’m that guy who figured it out since, because it was happening to me, I wanted to know why… and then I found out why and to make things worse, there ain’t shit we can do about it since it’s our bodies doing what they were designed to do. Once I figured it out, now it was about not letting it bother me even though, yeah, it bothers the shit out of me because, yeah, my mind is screaming to keep it going but my body is calling for a time out and, yes, I’ve found myself sucking dick and/or eating pussy and pretty much feeling good… and feeling like shit at the same time.

Yep, the blow and go is very much disliked by a lot of bi guys but, again, they don’t seem to understand the enemies of cock sucking – time and that motherfucking refractionary period. Sometimes, there is no time for long, protracted sucking session and remember that the longer you delay it, the harder the crash… and the faster you just want to get the fuck out of Dodge… even if, in your mind, you didn’t want to. And, yes, the lack of time notwithstanding, I’ve had to learn to resist the urge to haul ass after cumming with a guy but, then again, I know why I now want to be able to outrun both The Flash and The Road Runner.

What helps, of course, is having the time to recover and a lot of guys want to know what, if anything, they can do to recover quickly and the thing I found out that helps me recover quickly or reasonably so is… orange juice. Why? It’s loaded with the kind of sugars that brains just love and can jump start the replenishment of the chemicals needed to get an erection and continue on having sex. Does that work for every guy? I dunno; some guys drink lot of water, which makes sense given that having sex can cause one to get dehydrated and it does refresh the body… but not the brain so much since, again, what it needs is sugar and, nope, just choking down a tablespoon of sugar doesn’t help… and I know because I tried it even though it gave me a bit of a sugar rush – but not the kind of rush that would get me hard and raring to go again. And, yeah, you kinda gotta know some shit about chemistry – and particularly brain chemistry to understand how the refractionary period goes about just trashing your ass and all of your hopes for a long, hot session of having sex…

And provided that time itself doesn’t make that a difficult thing to do. A lot of guys think it’s some kind of thing that only happens when they have sex with men but many of them notice the exact same thing every time they jerk themselves off and, I think, what gets them so very interested in edging. I’d guess that in this, they’re thinking about prolonging the pleasure when, unbeknownst to them, all they’re doing is delaying the inevitable because the moment they cum, it’s game over man, game over! It is why there are so many guys who “prefer” to give than receive because they know that if they receive and they cum, that’s all folks and more so if they cum before the other guy does. There are guys who prefer to be the one to do the sucking first and, probably, not having a single thought that by sucking him off first, he’s going to be in the refractionary period and wants to be anywhere else and doing anything else and if he’s still there and, let’s say, to finish you off (and if you’re gonna let him and some guys just won’t), you can believe that it’s by willpower alone that he’s still there and he’s fighting his body’s desire to, say, take a nap and if he’s already at home and hosting you, he’s probably thinking about getting you off ASAP so you can leave and don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out and, yes, I know about this aspect because I’ve felt that way more times than I care to really admit to.

One guy, quite a time ago, asked me how he could stop it from happening and I honestly told him, “I think you’d have to die or have that part of your brain stop working.” I think that he thought I was pulling his leg… and I most certainly wasn’t. Oxytocin is one of the main biochemicals involved in this and once you deplete your supply of it – and usually when a guy cums or a woman reaches her orgasm limit – it takes x-amount of time for your body to restock it and, yeah, give your brain the right kind of sugars, like fructose, and that might cut down the amount of time being in the refractionary period but you’re still gonna be in it until there’s enough oxytocin restored to renew sexual interest and the ability to get erect again and in this, time is also the enemy… you just don’t know how much time it’s going to take. It could be minutes, hours, or even days and depending on a lot of stuff like how physical fit you are and your blood chemistry – are you getting enough of the essential vitamins and minerals that the brain needs to function the way it needs to? Oh, there are so many external things that play into how long the refractionary period lasts that I can’t list them and I’m not going to try.

Guys think there’s something seriously wrong with them and there’s nothing wrong but it speaks much toward how they don’t know how their bodies work when it gets geared up for sex. There are guys who believe that stuff like Viagra and Cialis and the other medications that are on the market makes them horny… and it doesn’t; they just provide the nitrous oxide needed to make us get hard and stay that way… and for long periods of time depending on the individual. It remains true that once they cum, that period is going to set in even if the nitrous oxide in their blood is keeping them erect.

There is no escaping it and it can hit us with much devastation that it triggers our “flight or fight” instinct with great emphasis on the flight part. So if you were wondering about why men are the way they are and especially after busting a nut, now you know. We can do our best to delay ejaculation but there isn’t a damned thing we can do about what happens to us after we do. It can hit us a little or so much that it’ll put us to sleep and it sure as hell will make us roll over and appear to be disinteresting in continuing… because that’s how our bodies are making us feel. Women rake us over the coals for being this way and leaving them hanging and, again, it’s a sure bet they don’t know why and if you didn’t know, now you know. It’s not that we don’t want to – we can’t and it’s going to, again, take x-amount of time before we can do more and while there are supplements that can boost our testosterone and give our libido a kick in the pants, the refractionary period still happens.

Time and this motherfucker are often the reason for the much hated and despised blow and go. Again, once I learned about why this happens, I stopped being pissed off every time we’ve planned a long cock sucking session and when one of us comes, the party might be over and when you factor in time, there might not be enough time to refill the tank and not enough time if we haven’t been totally depleted. It’s just the way it is and, intelligently, I can’t find reason to be pissy about something that I can’t really do anything about and science has yet to find a way to keep this from happening to us without either killing us or causing other problems we definitely won’t be of a mind to have to deal with.

It takes willpower to keep going and working through this; some of us manage it, some of us just can’t. If you bust a nut and feel like you got your ass kicked, welcome to the refractionary period because that’s pretty much what happened. If you bust a nut and don’t feel like that, chances are you didn’t deplete the stew of chemicals involved so keeping it going is still possible but it’s eventually going to catch up with you.

Hah – resistance is futile but we do try to resist this. If time doesn’t fuck up a blow job, the refractionary period of sex will most certainly fuck it up. Instead of happily sucking cock for a long time or repeatedly, once someone cums, it’s the beginning of the end for a while and, again, it’s just a nasty feeling that you just wanna run away or do anything other than continuing to have sex. It’s a one-two punch that is the bane of things M2M and, yeah, having sex, period.

And, as always, you don’t have to believe me – go Google “the refractionary period of sex” and read everything about it for yourself.

 

Playing TMI Tuesday: It’s Personal

I don’t always play the game but from time to time, I do so here we go!

1. Describe your phone lock screen.

2. What does your favorite coffee mug or tea cup look like? Post a pic.

3. Tell us about a regional food favorite of yours that you think the world simply must try.

4. How often do you journal?

5. How often do you blog?

Bonus: Does your blog act as your journal?

1. My phone lock screen is the built-in bubbles that came with my iPhone and I chose the red ones for my phone (my iPad has the blue ones because, well, blue is my favorite color). Bubbles are fascinating and the nerd that lives in my head knows about surface tension and, well, that’s some cool stuff.
2. My favorite vessel to consume caffeine is a 16oz travel mug – I didn’t feel like getting up to get my phone to take a picture of it so sue me. It’s from Wawa – think of 7Eleven but better in some ways – and it’s brown with a black lid, handle, and non-slip bottom. The story behind this particular travel mug is that when I was moving, oh, six or seven years ago now, we’d gotten started very early and was in need of more coffee – and the travel mugs we already had were packed and buried in a box somewhere so when I stopped to fuel the truck at a Wawa, I went inside and got two of their mugs and filled them with coffee and fixings… and I’ve been using it every day since.
3. A regional food favorite is one that is rarely heard of outside of the area I live in: Scrapple. Scrapple is one of those things that’s like hot dogs: You don’t wanna know what’s in it but it sure tastes good. In the area, there are a lot of companies that make scrapple and I’ve tried them all – no two recipes are really the same – but my favorite is the Rapa brand and more so when their scrapple comes in – wait for it – bacon flavor! Cooking it is easy; slice it to your desired thickness – and some people slice it the long way and some the short way; some people coat it in flour before frying, some don’t (I don’t); some start off with a cold pan, some get the pan hot on medium heat; some use a bit of oil to fry it up and some don’t – I rarely use oil to hook up my scrapple. Brown it on one side – and you’ll know if it’s ready to turn because if you nudge it with a spatula and it doesn’t move, it’s not ready to turn and if you try to turn it, it’s going to break up. Once it’s ready to turn, flip it over – the same thing will happen so be patient – then remove and drain on paper towels because scrapple makes its own grease. From there, some people eat it plain; some put ketchup on it and even maple syrup and goes great with eggs, grits, and even pancakes.
4. I don’t really journal although when I was much younger, I used to have a diary that I’d write in every day until I left for the service – I couldn’t bring it with me and I didn’t have the time to start a new one.
5. I blog just about every day although there are times when I might go a few days without blogging because I can’t think of anything to blog about – writer’s block can be so annoying!
6. Bonus question: Sometimes my blog does act as my journal, depending on what I happen to be writing about but, eh, not so much. I feel that few people would be interested in reading about what I go through each and every day and more so when it can be pretty boring – I almost do the same things every day and without much deviation save for doctor appointments, going shopping, etc..

There you have it!