Way back in 1990, I got my first PC, an HP machine that sported the then-powerful i486 chipset, a whopping 2GB of memory, a built-in modem, and a slew of programs including the word processing program, WordPerfect. It was a time when the World Wide Web was just really being developed – but the Internet was there and the only search engines available were named Archie, Veronica, and Jughead. URLs, HTML, and the other stuff we take for granted today just didn’t really exist.
We’d just gotten away from “dumb terminals” and PCs were being installed in a hurry and classes on how to use WordPerfect were mandatory but while many struggled to use this new-fangled software, my being a Certified Word Processor came in very handy and I fell in love with WordPerfect.
Somewhere along the line, I discovered Usenet newsgroups as well as bulletin boards and, as such, came across a wealth of information that was only available by connecting the modem – and it’s blazing 9600 baud speed rate – listening to the warbling sound of being connected, and then diving into this unknown source of information that also included porn in the form of pictures… and stories being written, posted and shared.
I found myself reading some of those stories; some were good, some were just crappy attempts at writing erotica and I got it into my head that, hmm, I can write better than that… I think. So I started writing and posting to alt.binaries.stories and, as such, got an education on writing erotica both in constructive and not-so-helpful ways. One bit of constructive criticism I got from one of the more popular authors was to not write what everyone else was trying to write and the more realistic it was, the better it would be and I took this to heart and started writing about anything that wasn’t “normal” boy/girl stuff and learning how to write about sex as well as how difficult it really is because, as I was told, there are only so many ways you can put A into B and the trick, for me, was to be able to capture the emotions and thoughts of those moments.
Daunting and my wordsmithing abilities were taken to task but I stuck with it just the same and got to a point where people were writing comments and even sending me emails asking me if what I wrote had really happened – and when was I going to write something else?
One story I had written and posted was one about a guy who “allowed” himself to be seduced by his best friend and I set to the task of putting into words how my main character was being seduced, what he thought and felt about it; I made him be leery but more than a bit curious and, um, well, the action – when it finally happened – was so steamy that, admittedly, I was finding it difficult to type while my dick was straining against my pants and distracting me. I got it finished and posted and it met with “rave reviews;” my inbox was overflowing with comments and some folks were amazed at the nerve I showed in writing about a dirty little secret and shedding light on it, that being, guys have sex with each other and they’re not always homosexual.
One day, I was looking at my email and I saw one with the subject line, “It’s Your Fault, Bro” and, of course, it got my attention and when I read it, I had to read it more than once because, apparently, something I had been warned about happened: Someone actually did what I had written about! The more seasoned Usenet authors told me not to be surprised if someone took it upon themselves to do something I’d written and, at the time, I had thought, “Who would do that? It’s stated clearly that it’s a work of fiction, a figment of my imagination, and other such caveats!”
And some guy wrote me and told me about how he let his best friend seduce him, get him naked and, in the guy’s words, “turned me into a cock sucking whore.” I was floored, stunned, gobsmacked – pick a word and it doesn’t even come close to describing how I felt as I read what the guy was blaming me for. What I had unknowingly done was write about something that, for this guy, was actually happening and damned near in the exact way I wrote it. He said that he had known that his friend was… different but he never paid it much attention but as his friend began to openly flirt with him more and making more sexual innuendos, he admitted to becoming curious about what it would be like.
Then he said he read my story and decided to let his friend seduce him and in the same way I’d written – slowly but with purpose and without overly alarming the seductee too much. He wrote that it was exciting and scary at the same time… and as I read, I was still shaking my head and, yeah, I was very worried and was even thinking about how I was going to defend what I’d written.
He wrote that allowing himself to be seduced was very exciting and he was nervous the day they both wound up getting naked and experiencing, for the first time, what it was like to have a man sucking on his cock and making him cum. He admitted to being afraid but committed to it and he said that he understood why my character felt so much elation and concern when he found himself sucking his friend’s cock.
“You got me hooked on this shit, man! I can’t get enough of it! I’ve never wanted to do something more than I now want to suck every dick I see – it’s your fault, bro!”
I knew I had to respond to his email… I just didn’t know how to. Do I go on the defensive and state that I’m not responsible for anything he decided to do? And I did, eventually, respond by saying, “I don’t know what to say about this…” I mean, was this guy gonna try to sue me? Get it in his head to seek me out and get some kind of revenge upon me? Did I unknowingly and unintentionally fuck some guy’s life up? In my response to him – and other than what I had already said – I said that I’d be willing to talk with him about this even though I felt that I had no real responsibility for his actions.
I had hoped to never hear from him again… but I did and I was amazed at how he said that by doing what I had written, it had changed his life and in some very good ways. He had revealed that by allowing himself to be seduced, he was able to admit to something about himself that he had been aware of but had refused to accept and that his friend was his friend because he could see himself in this guy but, at the time, didn’t understand why they had immediately become such good friends.
I was relieved – and that’s putting it mildly. The guy kept writing me and telling me how things were between him and his friend since the seduction and that they’d went on to having anal sex with each other. He made it a point to remind me that they both had women in their lives but he felt that both of their lives were made better… and all because of him reading a figment of my imagination.
This whole thing actually made me stop writing for a short period of time; I had no idea or, really, gave much thought to the notion that someone could read my erotic fiction and think, “Yeah – this is what I wanna do!” To me, this was some very serious shit with very serious implications – did I want to know that someone tried to do what I might write and, again, did I want to bear the burden and maybe even guilt if someone did this and they got all fucked up behind it?
It took me a while to not think like this but it made me rewrite my “warnings” to say that I wasn’t going to be responsible for anything someone else would do so if you did it, that’s on you.
The last time we wrote to each other, I had said that his story would make for a good story all by itself and he agreed that it would. About two or three weeks later, I was browsing through the Usenet stories and, how about that? I saw that he had written and posted about his experience and, yeah, he even credited me for giving him the inspiration to do something he now knew he was meant to do.
As for my writing, I went on to write a major book that wound up being electronically published in the UK as well as quite a few stories that found their way in those “true confessions” types of “magazines” that were popular – like Penthouse Letters (anyone remember those) but more… vivid. I keep telling myself that I really need to take a good look at everything I’ve written and somehow turn it all into one hell of a compendium of stories that can be in one place. I just don’t know how I could get it published and after reading about Larry’s experiences with Amazon, whew, if he thinks what he writes can put him at odds with Amazon’s censors, the stuff I’ve written about would most certainly give those censors heart attacks.
I actually go back and re-read what I’ve written… and some of it, I think, needs some reworking – it reads to me as being kinda corny and I’ve asked myself, “What were you thinking about when you wrote this crap?” but, yeah, sometimes, I’ll re-read something and think, “Wow – did I write this? Holy shit!” I remember one of those Usenet authors telling me that if I wrote something, then read it, and found myself getting aroused by it, I did it correctly. Indeed, I’d find myself being both thrilled and somewhat embarrassed by the many people who’d write to me and tell me how much time they spent masturbating to my writings and, of course, the many people who’d write and ask me, “Did this really happen?”
I would neither confirm nor deny that it really happened but I was told by many writers that if a reader couldn’t tell the difference, then I did it right.