Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: So, Yesterday…

…I enjoyed a spirited conversation about yesterday’s scribble about what men want when they decide to get with another guy and, right up front, I wanna thank Oceanswater and Cityman for their participation and comments as well as theacquienscentsoul for his “vulgar” comment that he wants the D.

Vulgar… yeah, sure it was.

Oceanswater said, at one point, that I was confusing her which didn’t surprise me… because this is really that confusing even to me and it doesn’t “help” with me being from another era that had a different view and approach to male bisexuality… but my perspective does allow me to see how this has been changing and, hmm, it’s still rather fascinating.

Cityman said, “So, whereas m2m sex (DL or otherwise) was fairly automatic so long as discretion was assured, nowadays you’re seeing more rules and criteria to feel comfortable with the “transaction”. This discernment might seem to mirror the way women screen their men for quality control, but is it, really? I think it’s learned behavior, but perhaps not for the same reasons that women employ this form of control.”

And he makes a good point – is this level of discernment mirroring the way women screen men? I think it does except women do have some slightly different criteria to be concerned about since women screen men for the best qualities that will benefit them and more so if they’re of a mind to have children and, of course, being able to select the guy who’s gonna cause them the least amount of emotional issues or they’re betting that this guy is going to be a better man than the last guy or the worse guy they’ve ever encountered.

The question is: How can I find a guy I can be with and express my bisexuality with… and with the least amount of hassles and other complications? As I may have mentioned yesterday, it’s not that guys don’t know that if/when they want the D, all they have to do is open an app and say, “Let’s do this!” to the first guy who’s willing to do what’s being sought and needed and, yeah, it really is that easy… but.

Part of the bad rep men have is our historic propensity for casual sex or, crudely, we’ll have sex with anyone who’ll let us get with them and solely for the purpose of having sex… and if a relationship of some kind happens, okay, we’ll deal with that should it come to pass. It was this thing in particular that, in days gone by, made M2M encounters such a simple thing to make happen – it’s just sex; no strings, no commitments, no hard to navigate conditions; do you wanna do it and if so, when and where and maybe even how… and even when there was a… complication in the “how” portion of this, two guys with dissimilar needs could, at the least, get together and suck cock.

Not exactly what the doctor ordered but close enough for government work. Oh, and as long as no one found out about it, that just worked because, back then, bi guys were seriously against being tagged as being gay given how badly gay men were being persecuted.

Now… it’s not as if I didn’t expect the dynamic to change because it had to… and it has; I’m just amazed at the direction it’s gone in. What two guys can do hasn’t changed because, duh, there are some limits. Again, it’s how guys are going about this that’s really changed – what they want and how they want it and what conditions have to be met. One and done, while convenient and expedient, doesn’t cut the mustard as much as it once did; men are still about the D but they’re very much more into “hearts” – what kind of man are you? Are we compatible outside of being able to have sex with each other in some way? Are you gonna still respect me after we have sex and if I wanna do it with you again, are you gonna blow me off or were you just leading me on to get a piece of me?

Here’s the funny part – well, I think it is. There are a lot of guys who still don’t want to get into anything that resembles a relationship… but casual, NSA sex is a no-no… but, ya know, if a guy could find that one dude he could engage with instead of having to face the much-dreaded hookup, well, that works… and more so if we can do things other than screw each other silly.

We’ve seen the advent of FWB – all of the perks, none of the traditional responsibilities and I don’t know why but a lot of people don’t see this as a relationship – because I’ve always thought that it is – just not, again, in the traditional sense. It becomes an issue of exclusivity at times; no, we’re not gonna “settle down with each other and play house” but unless you’re married, it’s preferred that you not get with any other guy other than me and getting with other guys, while understandable since we’re not officially committed to each other, will not be looked upon favorably.

And, yeah… there are still dudes who, when they’re horny and want some dick/ass, either expect you to drop what you’re doing to accommodate them… or are of a mind not to declare an emergency just to fulfill some dude’s need for sex.

And if it comes to light that all I meant to you was being an outlet for your lust and nothing more than that, wow, don’t I feel cheap, sleazy, and badly used and it’s so fucked up that all I was to you was a piece of ass and a means to a creamy end!

Does any of this sound familiar?

I see this and, being the overly curious person I tend to be, I ask, “What’s going on with this? Why is this becoming more of a thing when I know it didn’t use to be? Am I missing something… or is what I’m seeing the “new way” to be male and bisexual?”

Yet another “funny” thing is the perception that dudes don’t care about anything other than getting laid; again, it’s been the bane of our existence as men since the first time Eve asked Adam, “Is that all you ever think about?” It’s no longer primarily about sex since dicks and asses are a dime a dozen; it’s now about substance and I’ll ask y’all again – does any of this sound familiar?

I’ll point back to the quoted item from Cityman and, in particular, the last sentence of that quote and beginning with, “It’s a learned behavior…” because he’s right – it is… and we learned it by interacting with women and, for the most part, it’s something that tends to work for them (even if it tends to drive us crazy)… and if it’s kinda/sorta good for the gander, well, can’t it also be good for the goose?

And it weirdly makes sense given that a lot of men stress over how to be bisexual; how do you meet guys? How do you date another guy? Should you meet and have sex with a guy on the first date or do you wait to see his level of interest in things not sexual first before getting naked with him? And if you do give in to the lust of the moment, is that gonna be good or bad in a long term sense and, importantly, by doing so, does one violate their principles concerning casual sex?

I see this and say to myself, “Hmm… ain’t this interesting?” I also ask myself if this change in the dynamic will also lend itself to more and better social acceptance of male bisexuals if they’re showing more… responsibility in whatever they’re doing by being more discriminating about it? I don’t know – this is one of those wait and see kind of things.

Is it gonna put an end to guys being on the DL? Probably not and no more than it’s gonna pave the way for guys to be able to get permission to indulge in this without having to sneak around to do stuff. Guys still worry about being outed, worry excessively about what others would think of them to find out that they’re bisexual and I don’t see that changing any time soon…

But this change in the dynamic means something and it’s an important change in the way things used to be. Oceanswater asked me if I longed for the good old days and I’ll admit that I do miss them simply because getting with a guy was, for the most part, less complicated; ya either wanted to do something or you didn’t and if you did, let’s not complicate things by catching feelings for each other, okay? Let’s just hook up, get each other hard, make each other soft and if we run into each other again, sure, maybe we can get it on but if not, eh, it’s no big deal and thanks for having a good time with each other.

Some men – and a growing number of men, it seems – need more substance with their portion of cock and/or ass. True enough, there are still guys who aren’t willing or able to commit to anything other than let’s get naked and do something – but we may or may not see each other again… and there are a growing number of men for whom this NSA attitude just ain’t gonna work for them.

And, perhaps, this change in the dynamic is needed to show that male bisexuality is just as “normal” as anything else is instead of it being seen as some kind of aberration that’s somewhere between being totally straight and totally gay. Again, I have no real idea if this is what’s really happening, that male bisexuality is, indeed, being normalized… but it sure looks like it from where I’m sitting and now it’s just a matter of determining whether this is a good or bad thing.

And should I find out, I’ll let ya know.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Do Guys Want When…

…they make the decision to get with another guy? The most obvious answer is sex but methinks the real answer goes deeper than just having a near-persistent need to get their rocks off. In many ways, we’re not really all that different from women in that we, too, want to be wanted, to be cared about and, these days, cared about for more than whatever we happen to have dangling between our legs or helping to hold our pants up.

When it is sex we’re after, it tends to work best for us if we don’t have to jump through a lot of hoops to get it but, again, these days, there are a lot of guys who erect sets of hoops for other guys to navigate or, bluntly and frankly, put a lot of obstacles in their own path so that allowing another guy into their pants creates the hassles that, by and large, we’d rather not have to deal with.

Yes, indeed – it remains true that today, guys should be very careful about who gets access to their goodies and, no, I’m not really slamming down the disease card here because the solution to those concerns are condoms. What I’m talking about here is that, fuck, there’s a reason why women see men as being assholes and even a necessary evil and there are other men out there who will pull the same stunts they do with women in order to get you to drop your gear and submit to their lust… and there have always been guys who’d rather not be treated like a piece of ass and don’t care for being deceived into giving up their cock or their ass and, again, these days, don’t care to have sex just because it can be done.

I was reading a post on the “new” forum where a guy was asking why did other guys want to have their dick sucked by another guy which, actually, is a good question to ask but it presumes that there has to be a damned good reason for it. Quite a few guys responded; some cited frustration with women and sex, some spoke to being overly curious and enough to go for it… but so far, no one who has responded has said that they’d want a guy to blow them because a guy can blow them – you know, just because it can go down like that.

As I read the responses, it came to mind that there aren’t very many guys who don’t know that there are guys who suck cock… and it’s not just gay men (not that all of them suck cock, mind you); I thought that there aren’t very many guys who don’t know or haven’t heard that, for one and comparatively speaking, it’s pretty easy to get a guy to blow you and, for the other, that it’s been “reported” that men are better at it than women are…

Which, by the way, isn’t totally what it sounds like and in this context, “better” means that guys are more likely to finish that dick off with their mouth and not be so fussy about it but, sure, there are guys who are quite fussy about it as well as guys who, let’s say, should take a more advance class in cock sucking.

I’ve heard people who are against men doing such things say that it doesn’t make sense to them that a guy would want to do something with another guy and what gets me at times is that a guy can explain exactly why he’s looking to do something – or is already doing something – that supposedly doesn’t make sense… and the person getting the explanation will still say that it doesn’t make sense… but what they’re really saying is that they couldn’t think of a reason why they’d go this route for sexual or even emotional pleasure.

So while many men in this want the sex, I think – again – the biggest part of this is wanting to be wanted. We’ve become quite conditional in this as compared to days gone by; it’s not enough to know that, say, literally a couple of minutes away, there’s a guy who’s starving to have sex and looking for another guy to get that taken care of – it must have meaning beyond what scratching that itch really means… so the message and the answer to the question becomes a bit muddled and confusing because, on the one hand, we do want to have the sex but are also of a mind to make having it, well, harder than it has to be.

What do guys want when they make the decision to get with another guy? I know what they say… and a lot of it sound quite familiar to me because it’s pretty much the same things I’ve heard women say. It stands to reason that we want the sex but we also want the companionship, the camaraderie, that deeper sense of male bonding. We know that we really don’t need all of this to be in place just to get our cocks hard and then softened… it’s just that guys are finally understanding all of this just like women have always gone about deciding what guy gets that kind of access to them.

Guys want assurances that they’re not gonna be used – well, used in ways they don’t wanna be used; they wanna be respected for more than just being a sexual object to other men and while some guys aren’t of a mind to go about this and get “tied down,” many more are of a mind not to really let their freak flag fly in this without some conditions and concession being in place before the fact.

And I still find this to be of great interest to see how things are… converging. Once upon a time, guys got with other guys just because they could and it was “simply” about answering a single question: “Hey, do you wanna do it with me?” The answers were, “simply,” yes or no, a little negotiation took place – what would you be interested in doing? – and the deal could be made sometimes in a matter of minutes and the only caveat was, “I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?”

Deal! Today, one of the things that guys looking for a cock to play with talk a lot about are those things that are deal-breakers… and there are a mind-numbing amount of things that will break a deal. A lot of guys do say that they want the convenience of M2M sex and like the illusion of it being hassle free… but that’s the way it used to be and not as it is today.

Remember some time ago me writing about women wanting men to get more in touch with their feminine side? Well, um, that’s what we’re doing… just not with women as a primary focus. When it’s a guy looking for another guy, I have to say that we’re very much in touch with our feminine side as we’ve adopted some of the behaviors in this that women have had reason to employ.

Fascinating. Could this be the new “normal?” I dunno… it’s still all about what works and that which gets the job done and all that as well as remaining true to “I want what I want and the exact way I want it.” Even in this, there was a time when that statement would be, “I want what I want and the way I want it… and I want it right now!” and it’s not like some guys don’t have a sense of urgency in this… but there seems to be more and more men who’d rather wait for Mr. Right than to have to deal with Mr. Right Now and even when that guy would be the quicker way to get it done.

What do guys want when they decide to get with another guy? There was a time when that was easy to answer but not so much these days.

 

A Gaming Update

Years ago, some little known gaming company, in association with Microsoft, came up with a game called Crackdown; the gist of the game was you, as the player, ran around the city dispatching the criminal element in spectacular fashion and as you went about cleaning up the various sectors, the game creators added in a need to collect two different types of orbs; green ones that enhanced your agility and blue ones that added to all of your growing powers. Along with this, the more you shot, blew up, and beat up the bad guys, the more your powers grew until you could literally leap tall buildings.

I remember the demo that Microsoft released for the game and thinking, “Eh, I’ll check it out… probably not that good of a game.” Man, was I wrong about that! The demo was fucking amazing and so much that I called my son-in-law and told him he had to get this demo and he did… and we both wound up waiting with bated breath for the full release of the game that had plenty of stuff to do and keep you occupied but was the first real “sandbox” or open world game and gained “Game of the Year” status.

A lot of people anxiously awaited news for the follow-up game, which had whispers of including a lot of stuff that the players around the world wanted to see in the game… and that didn’t happen. Well, not in the way Crackdown players were thinking. The original game studio dropped the game’s sequel and some other studio produced Crackdown 2; some people liked it while others, like me, thought the game was pretty shitty. The only thing the new studio did was take the original game, changed the tone of the graphics, changed a few of them, and added some stupid monsters along with the bad guys. It was okay… but not really all that.

Rumors began to appear as word of a third release of this game floated around and it was a few years before Microsoft kinda/sorta confirmed that, yes, there will be a Crackdown 3 and it’s gonna be unlike anything anyone has ever seen before. But the game suffered some major setbacks and a lot of shit got changed, more promises that the game was coming and at least three release dates were missed until everyone got their shit together and Microsoft said that come hell or high water, Crackdown 3 was going to release – and especially on Xbox’s Game Pass – on February 15, 2019.

Myself and others I know who have been waiting for this game and after hearing this before took the news as “I’ll believe it when I see it.” The team working the game was Tweeting like crazy and doing their best to keep everyone following @Crackdown 3 as up to date with release progress. My son-in-law called me and told me to be on the lookout for two Crackdown 3 updates that were gonna show up or I could go on Game Pass and download them myself, which I did – it made sense that since the game was really gonna be released, putting some of the pieces in place before the fact made sense given that there are millions of Xbox gamers who subscribe to Game Pass and since the game was going to be free for subscribers (with an option to buy if ya wanted to), the Microsoft servers would be swamped trying to handle everyone who wanted to play the game trying to download it at 12:01am on the 15th and wherever in the world they lived.

And it went live as promised… and the game is amazing. It has the feel of the original game, features actor Terry Crews as Commander Jaxton – and Terry is funny as hell right from the game’s opening sequences. I was up for quite a while getting a feel for the game and dealing with the new aspects and while I’ve been reading where some gamers are praising the game and some are bashing it, I really don’t have anything bad to say about the game other than it takes a bit of time to get used to the game play.

One of the amazing things about the original game that my son-in-law and I – and maybe other players – noticed was that you could climb to the top of the tallest buildings in the game and as you did so, you had this sense of… danger as well as having a real-life “fear of heights” and I kid you not about this… and I’m not afraid of heights. And the new game gives me that same sense of “dread” as some of the buildings in the new game are really up their and precarious, like the new “Propaganda Towers” that one must climb and navigate… and those fuckers ain’t all easy to deal with.

Another thing I remember from the original game is when jumping with your character of choice, damn, getting him to jump the way you needed him to – and sticking the landing – wasn’t easy… and it’s not easy now and I’ve found myself either happily frustrated – or pissed off frustrated – as I jump and leap for ledges or platforms and my character either fails to grab on to something or just fucking leaps over whatever I’m trying to land upon and, often, causing me to fall from tall places and, not a few times, “dying” and having to respawn. But I kinda expected it just as I expected to be spending a lot of time trying to do things while yelling at the TV for a lot of reasons.

And it’s just so much fun! I’m now at the point where I’m taking on the game’s big boss and, as I also expected, she’s kicking my ass but that’s because she’s got so much help attacking me while I’m trying to waste her that it’s kinda hard to keep your attention on wiping her out while her minions are shooting the shit out of you. The good part is that I can decide, after she kills me again, to walk away from the battle with her and go do some of the other things in the game, like finding all the orbs scattered throughout the world as well as trying to win gold medal status on the various driving and agility challenges that are similar to the original game.

And I haven’t even talked about the part of the game where you and a bunch of other players can go in and literally destroy the city – and that’s because I haven’t played in that part yet. Originally, the ability to destroy the city while ridding it of the bad guys was supposed to be part of the game as a whole… but there were some technical problems and the biggest one I heard of was when they tested it, the cloud computers all crashed and burned because they overloaded. So one of the changes was to take out the destruction and put it in a separate “game” and when I get a chance, I’m most certainly going to go into this part and blow some shit up because, um, that’s a lot of fun all by itself.

What makes games like this so much fun to play is that you have a wide selection of characters to play with – well, after you recover their DNA which got scattered all over the city when their ship got destroyed; there are four levels of game play available, from Rookie (easy) to Legendary (which has to be a motherfucker to play) and this allows and lends itself to what gamers call replay value; is the game good enough to keep playing even after you beat it? The original game had good replay value… and I’m already seeing that this one will have good value and more so since the other characters you can play with all have their own unique abilities and talents, like being more agile, good at shooting or driving, being stronger, etc..

I started on Rookie because it makes sense to me to start out easy, get a feel for the game and all that before starting all over again in the next mode and even with different characters; I even started a couple of other campaigns already with two other characters just to see how they operate in the world and, um, because they were there and here’s the thing: Even though I’m almost finished the game with my main character and I’m getting familiar with the city and all that has to be done, it doesn’t make playing with another character any easier other than I know what to expect when I attack a factory or another bad guy facility; knowing what’s gonna happen and what you have to do is good… ya still gotta do it.

Eventually, I’ll accomplish my goal of defeating the game at all four levels of play and that’ll keep me plenty occupied for quite some time.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Art

“How does one go about sucking cock?”

“What’s the best way to suck a dick?”

These questions have been around since forever, haven’t they? Saw on the new forum where some guy said that he very much wants to suck cock and asked the membership how to do it. The membership responded by pointing the OP to a few sets of videos that, I dunno, are the cat’s pajamas where mastering the art of cock sucking is concerned… and I don’t doubt that they are great visual examples of the many techniques that can be employed to make a guy’s dick hard and, hopefully, entice him to spill his load and shrink back into happy flaccidity.

Time for another back in the day segment! The way those of us who sucked cock learned how to do it was… to do it and then get feedback from the guy you were doing it to even as you were doing it – go faster, slower, do it harder, ow, not so hard, yeah, right there, that’s the spot and, oh, shit, I’m gonna cum…

One of the things you find out is that what works for one dick might not work on the same dick the next time you suck it… let alone the next dick you might suck but, yeah, sure, it pays to learn and develop the techniques that, even before the advent of the Internet, there were quite a few books on the subject. And one can, with practice and patience, learn the techniques… but does technique alone make for what would one consider to be a damned good blow job?

I’d run into a guy who was willing to learn how to suck dick and they’d ask what’s the best way to go about doing it and the usual answer was, “You do it the way you’d want your dick to be sucked!” and, no, I wasn’t the only one to say this and many of us agreed that this was a great way to go about it as long as you didn’t mind or wouldn’t get upset by being critiqued along the way so that whatever you were doing would make the other guy feel good enough to bust his nuts wide open. The problem with this approach was, um, what if the guy asking the question had never had anyone suck his dick?

Oops.

Well, one way around this was to get the guy to agree to having his dick sucked and, if he could, pay attention and take some notes which, admittedly, was kinda hard to do when someone is sucking your dick for the first time. Still, the bottom line to all of this was that if you wanted to suck dick and wanted to be good at it, you learned by doing; you not only learned the techniques that you could learn and you’d find out that all cocks don’t respond well to technique because, duh, not only are all dicks different (but the same) but the owners are all different. Still, you also got an important lesson in the other thing that makes someone a good or bad cock sucker: Desire or passion.

Technique is all good but if you don’t have the desire or passion to drive the technique, hmm, might that present itself as a bit of a problem at some point? Then there’s this: Who determines whether or not the techniques applied are effective, the person doing it… or the person receiving it?

Deep-throating is a technique but one not everyone can do, let alone master… but do you have to do this in order to successfully suck a dick? Many agree that, indeed, it’s a nice technique to have in your cock sucking portfolio but it’s also not always a necessity and more so if you can’t manage to pull it off but, sure, if you can, ya get props for it.

You can learn the techniques but I maintain that if your skills aren’t driven by your passion and desire to do this, does technique really mean a whole lot? Okay… not picking on women but a classic example comes in the form of those women who have amazing cock sucking technique… but, for them, it’s a chore that ranks below cleaning toilets or it’s purely obligatory and something that might make the guy on the receiving end very happy but, bleh, doing it really ain’t doing shit for her other than making her jaws ache, perhaps getting her all sweaty while doing it and messing up her hair, and making other parts of her body achy and depending on the position she’s in while doing it.

You can learn the techniques and have plenty of passion and desire driving those techniques you’ve honed over the whole time you’ve been sucking cock… and ya still might not get the desire effect because of something else that cock suckers eventually learn, namely, some guys do not know how to get their dick sucked as well as a lot of folks have it in their mind that face fucking is cock sucking… and it isn’t.

Then there’s this thing: If someone is gonna suck your dick, you just assume that they know how to not only suck cock… but how you want and need to have your cock sucked or those folks who have it in their mind that if you’ve sucked one dick, you’ve sucked all dicks… but if the receiver is telling you what he wants you to do to heighten or maintain his pleasure, some folks catch an attitude about being told about something that they know how to do and have been doing it for x-amount of time.

It’s been kinda/sorta proven that if you look at this as a chore or an obligatory act, you can have the best technique of all time… and the recipient isn’t going to be as thrilled with your efforts as you might think he should be. Guys are forever talking about good blow jobs and bad ones and the bad ones aren’t always the ones where “proper cock sucking technique” isn’t applied.

It’s the lack of desire or passion that usually lends itself to a blow job being bad. There’s this question I’ve heard asked at times: Which is more important, experience or enthusiasm? A lot of guys agree that technique, such as it is, is fine and dandy but what pushes them over the edge – and, sometimes before they wanna get shoved over the edge – is the enthusiasm in which they’re being blown or, as I like to say about this, the difference between liking do to it and loving it. There are those who can suck dick because, duh, they know how to… then there are those who absolutely, positively love doing it and they may not really care a whole lot about whether they’re using proper technique or not because, for them, there’s great pleasure for them doing it and it’s not always about getting pleasure from making him feel really good.

This begs the other question that comes up in association in this: When you’re sucking cock, um, who are you doing it for – him… or for yourself? So while a newbie cock sucker is right to be concerned with how to suck a dick, it’s my belief and contention that it’s also very damned important to know why you’re sucking on a dick and, again, are you doing it because it’s gonna make him happy or are you doing it because it’s satisfying something within you?

I’ll tell a newbie quick, fast, and in a hurry that learning the techniques is fine… but if you don’t have that deep desire and passion to suck cock, well, what’s the point in doing it? Oh, yeah, that’s right – some guy will be quite happy to have his dick in your mouth and even happier should you succeed in getting him to cum… and I’ve always questioned whether or not this is always a good reason to do it and does it really equate to one’s personal desire and passion to do it in the first place.

The answer is… there’s no right answer because whether you do it for someone else or you do it for your own personal pleasure, at the end of the cock sucking session, it’s gonna come down to what the recipient thinks of your body of work because, fuck, you can employ every technique you can bring to bear, have all the desire and passion you can muster and if he doesn’t think you were all that, well, that’s a fail where he’s concerned even if you’ve had a grand time sucking him.

How do you suck a dick? The best way you can and with all the desire, passion and, yes, persistence as you can bring to the table. Can you learn how to suck a dick by watching someone else do it? You could learn the techniques easily enough… but watching someone sucking cock on a screen isn’t going to give you much insight on what having a dick in your mouth feels like, what it tastes like; watching how the guy on the screen is reacting isn’t going to really be indicative of how a guy’s gonna react when it’s your mouth on his cock, nor does watching a screen convey the other things involved with cock sucking, like how all of your senses are at play when you’re doing it and, even better, whatever is going on in your head as you go about giving head.

To this end, if you were to ask a guy what he’s thinking about when he’s sucking dick, he’d probably tell you he’s not thinking about anything other than sucking the dick and working toward making the guy cum… and that’s not what’s really going on between your ears – it’s just that one tends to not be focused on whatever else is going on, like, you’re sucking on the dick and you’re also thinking about how much time you have to get it done, what other things you gotta do after you finish, thinking about what things you need to be doing to him to coax him into busting and, for some guys, there’s this ever-present thought or concern about not getting caught with a dick in your mouth, so on and so forth.

You wanna learn how to suck a dick? Go suck one. You can, again, easily learn the techniques involved but no one can teach you desire or passion – those are things that, in my opinion, can only be learned and discerned by doing it and, get this, by failing to get the guy to cum which, by the way, might not always be your fault; some guys are quick to blame a bad blow job on the person doing it and, perhaps, without giving much thought to the fact that if it was deemed bad, uh, they’re the reason why it was because, once more, you can ask a guy what’s going on in his head when he’s having his dick sucked… and he’ll tell you nothing is going on and that he’s only thinking about how good it feels and how good it’s gonna feel when he busts… and if he does… because his mind is thinking about a whole lot of things other than what’s going on between his legs.

There’s a lot that goes into learning how to suck a dick and technique isn’t the alpha and omega of it… but I still maintain that if you wanna learn the art of fellatio and master it, go suck some dick and learn your own way to do this instead of learning how someone else says you should be doing it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Fakin’ da Funk”

“I’d appreciate you doing a post on people who are actually gay, but hide behind the bisexual title for whatever reason.”

Oceanswater, ask and you shall receive!

These days – and by that I really mean over the last couple of years – there’s been a lot of talk and hype about bisexuals having a straight privilege and hiding behind it to cover up the homosexual side of their bisexuality and since I’ve been around for a while, I instantly recognized this as bullshit since the people citing this seemed to be of a mind that it’s something that bisexuals “invented…” when, in fact, there have been straight-acting gays for as long as I can remember.

Back in the day, the worst thing you could be known to be was gay; it would get you disowned by your family and rejected by your friends and, sadly, if you ran across the wrong bunch of people, you could be very badly beaten and/or murdered. Enough of it went on across the country and some of it got national media attention because of the sheer brutality of the crime… and gay folks figured out that in order to not become a victim themselves, they almost literally had to straighten up their act and give everyone around them the appearance that they were just as straight as everyone else was, up to and including some gays actually marrying a straight person to give them legitimacy in their perceived straightness.

Many of the “in your face” homosexuals seemed to disappear but not entirely so; there were some, like one of my childhood and school buddies who was as gay as anyone could be; we were talking about those straight-acting gays and why they were “suddenly” behaving like this and I’d asked him if he’d ever do that to take the heat off of himself and he said that he was too damned gay to act straight and since he was, no one would believe that he was straight.

So while parts of our society was on a massive “gay hunt,” homosexuals started hiding in plain sight and only letting their gayness show in the most private of situations.

Now… are there gay folks who are “hiding out” as bisexuals? Of course there are and the interesting thing is that some gays are just a bit on the other side of “technically” being bisexual, like maybe a 4 on the Kinsey scale. Male bisexuals catch a lot of shit about being bisexual but women catch a different kind of shit, from faking bisexuality to catch a man to being in denial about their “true lesbian and man-hating” nature… but, for the most part, bisexual women get a pass on their bisexuality; a lot of men think the world of a bisexual woman and I don’t know of too many women who would begrudge a sister for having a taste for coochie to go along with her taste for cock – and even if they, themselves, would never partake.

To that end, many people still harbor ill feelings toward homosexual women more than they do bisexual women and there are still pockets of lesbians who aren’t fans of bisexual women – and just like there are gay guys who think bisexual men are the worst people ever born. As such, if a person can be fairly certain that their real sexuality isn’t going to be accepted, um, why not adopt a sexuality that would be more acceptable?

For some men, it’s acting just like any other straight and macho dude… but for some women, it’s better to be seen as a bi gal than a gay one. There are a lot of people who aren’t fond of this kind of faking the funk; you’re either in severe denial of your gayness or you’re a heinous traitor to the gay cause and lifestyle and even with bisexuals, there are a lot of people who firmly believe that, right or wrong, one shouldn’t be pretending to be something that they really aren’t… except, we also know that a great many people can’t handle the truth of this.

And, at least in my opinion, that’s a good enough reason to not quack like the duck you really are. It’s not, also in my opinion, a clear-cut case of being in denial of one’s true sexual self and not in the sense that you see some bisexuals doing this, i.e., a guy occasionally has sex with another guy but even if you knew this and asked him about it, he’d tell you that he’s still as straight as he ever was. One can easily look at this… hiding in plain sight as being deceptive and misleading and, yeah, for women, I can see how this could pose some problems.

For an instance, a gay woman is masquerading as a bisexual woman which could, potentially, have guys becoming very interested in her and simply because she’s bisexual. If this gay woman really isn’t of a mind to get involved with men in any way, well, okay, this might not be good. Sure, if a guy asked her out on a date, well, there’s no harm in going out with the dude but it makes me wonder what she’s gonna be thinking and feeling should homey let it be known that he’s interested in taking her to bed.

Let’s be clear about something. Lesbians don’t exactly hate men (but some really do); it’s just that when it comes down to intimacy, they’d prefer to be intimate with another woman because that’s the source of their physical and emotional attractions. There are lesbians who are looking to be moms who will pick a guy to have sex with so she can get pregnant; given how much it costs for IVF, getting pregnant the old fashioned way makes sense… and there are dyed-in-the-wool lesbians who’d brand such a woman as a traitor and insist that she’s not as lesbian as she should be if she’s “stooping low” enough to have sex with a man in order to have children.

Not all lesbians are a 6 on the Kinsey scale; some can be a 4 or a 5 which means, in context, that they are more homosexual and just incidentally something else or, plainly, girlfriend is quite lesbian in her thoughts and beliefs… but wouldn’t really object to some guy-time whenever the mood strikes her. We see this same thing with gay men, who are almost universally believed to have an abject hatred of having sex with women but, sure, every now and then, getting some pussy is just what the doctor ordered for them even if it’s perceived as more of a “change of pace” than a shift in their sexual orientation.

To this end, the perception is that once you pick a side, you should just stay there and, indeed, many folks believe that once you choose a side, you can never change your mind… and that’s bullshit because you can change your mind about it if you want and/or need to. But the question remains one of that if you’re not of a mind to change your mind, why put yourself out there as being something you’re not?

The answer cannot really and honestly be generalized except to say that the person hiding in plain sight – or faking the funk, if you prefer, has a reason for this… deception of perception and if you really wanna know, you’d have to ask them and then hope that they’d deign to answer you. If there is a general kind of reason, it’s “simply” because homosexuals are still very much despised in some parts of the US and the world as a whole… but bisexuality – and in women – is a lot more acceptable and if that doesn’t make sense to you, well, you’re not alone in this but remember what I said way back in the beginning of this: Bisexual women get a pass for being bisexual except from some gay women.

It is always better to fit in than it is to stand out and one can reasonably think of this as protective coloration and how it allows certain animals and insects a measure of protection from predators, like that one snake that, if you didn’t look close enough, resembles the deadly coral snake – and nothing that likes to eat snakes is gonna mess with a coral snake so, uh-huh, appearances can be quite deceiving.

And that a human would find a reason to adopt their own version of protective coloration really doesn’t surprise me a whole lot; other animals do this to keep from being another animal’s next meal… and humans do it so as to not draw any unwanted attention to themselves or to be more… acceptable among their peers or, perhaps the one thing that might get overlooked, they just might have changed their mind and decided that being more bisexual than gay/lesbian is what’s gonna work for them in the here and now.

Regardless of orientation, people are still very funny about their relationships and their nature and some folks are of a mind that they have a reason to appear to be “normal” in this when, in truth, they’re not being so conventional about who they’re partnered with… and that’s almost always because, historically, gay folks are still some very fucked up in the head people as far as others are concerned. But this is about perception: The perception of those observing and the perception of those being observed and those two things are usually far from the truth.

Should the woman that Oceanswater mentioned just come out and say that she’s gay? Yes… and no because while I know that there are a whole lot of people who, bluntly, don’t give a fuck if you’re gay as long as you’re happy (and not trying to get them into bed), there are some gay folks who think they have reason not to believe that there are, again, a whole lot of people who just don’t give a flying fuck if you’re really gay and, as such, think you’re just being silly by trying to hide it under the guise of something else – bisexuality – and, um, it’s not like our society is totally on board with bisexuality and more so where men are concerned… but women still don’t seem to catch a lot of grief about this as men do.

Why not just admit it? Because we still live in a world where that can be hazardous to your health in some way. To Oceanswater, I say to you that you might not give a fuck if this woman is gay or is partnered with a woman and I give you props for that… but that doesn’t mean that others are gonna accept it and I’m thinking this gay woman is very much aware of that and is adopting some protective coloration. Some would say she’s just lying like a rug and even go as far as to say that if she’d lie about something like this, what else might she be capable of lying about?

It’s something that is the bane of our society; at least in theory, it would be better if bisexuality and homosexual were universally accepted as this is just how some people are and let’s focus on more important shit, like why are there children in this country who are starving or why there are elderly folks being forced to choose between life-saving medication and where their next meal is gonna come from or keeping a roof over their head.

The truth is that we can’t accept it and while it probably doesn’t make sense to be so… petty and insular about it, it’s just the way people can be. In order to really understand this, um, it kinda helps to be bisexual or gay and then have people looking at you as if you’re evil personified in order to really understand why a gay woman would want to hide the fact that she’s gay. It’s not as if straight people aren’t aware of this… sexuality persecution but knowing about it and being subjected to it are two very different things and even I can tell you that this doesn’t feel good at all… and some of us not-so-straight folks will do their best to avoid this persecution as a matter of course while some of us don’t give a fuck what you think about us being bi or gay; if ya don’t like it, all you can really do is not like it and if you try to do something about it, well, woe be unto you.

It’s just that not everyone who isn’t straight has a reason to tell the whole world, “I’m gay/bi and damned proud of it” and as if no one is going to object to such a declaration. It just is what it is. If you don’t care if this woman is really gay, well, you tell her that you don’t care and that knowing that she’s really gay doesn’t have any impact on your being able to work together – and because it shouldn’t. Now, I wouldn’t expect this woman to call a meeting of her working peers and announce that she’s gay and in a new relationship with a woman and then walk away from it thinking that everyone’s gonna be cool with it… because at the other end of this, there are people who’ll also lie like rugs to cover up their version of homophobia so that they won’t appear to be sexuality bigots – and we don’t cotton to bigots so much, do we?

End of the day, we all do whatever we feel has to be done in order to go about our lives and the best we can… and even if that means adopting some protective coloration. It’s like anything else about this: If you really wanna know why a person is behaving like this, ask them and then, if you can, try to look at it from their perspective. You might prefer to be forthcoming about such a thing… but not everyone is and with good reason that doesn’t require a whole lot of thinking: We still live in a society that doesn’t like homosexuals or bisexuals and if there’s nothing else true in this life, it’s that you still have to protect yourself at all times… and even if you have to fake the funk in order to do that.

To Oceanswater, lemme ask you this: If you were, for some reason, to tell the people around you that you’re bisexual or not as straight as you appear to be, one, would you admit it to one and all and, two, do you really believe that doing so wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass at some point? Or would you err on the side of caution and just allow some folks to think you’re as straight as they already think you are while admitting to those you trust that, um, yeah – you like girls to some extent as well? And, for extra credit, is it really anyone’s business if you’re as straight as they think you are or if you weren’t?

And, for extra, extra credit, do this little mental experiment while being objective or, don’t say, “If it were me, I’d (add something here);” try to be objective about it and take a step back from who you really are and think about being bisexual, being aware of the angst that currently exists; think about the fact that some people would find you even more desirable and irresistible than you currently are, some would automatically assume that you’re really a lesbian in denial, and some people would see you as a lying heifer who’s only saying that you’re bisexual in order to trap a man in your web of deceit – and then, with these things in mind, come back here and tell me if you’d better understand why some faking of the funk just might be called for.

Sometimes, my friend, to really understand what someone else is doing, you kinda/sorta gotta try to walk in their shoes and look at it from their perspective while setting your own perspective aside temporarily.

And if this doesn’t address your request adequately, do come back and let me know and let’s see if we can do a better job of addressing it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Living With It

“Man, how do you deal with being able to go both ways?  Isn’t that confusing?”

I recall a guy asking me this question and I recall, upon hearing it, shrugging and replying, “I deal with it just like I deal with anything else – one thing at a time. Is it confusing? No, not really because, if nothing else, it implies that I’m up to my eyeballs in something that I don’t really understand and can’t figure out how to make it less confusing… and if I don’t understand anything else, I understand myself.”

Some bisexuals look at being bi as living two different lives when, in fact, it really isn’t; one life, one way of living it but multiple “choices” when it comes to certain aspects. Guys, in particular, tend to focus on doing a bit more than they do focusing on the little stuff, knowing but, perhaps, not really embracing that thinking and doing aren’t always the same things and that if you cannot figure out how to do something or why you’re wanting to do it in the first place, some internal disharmony can be sure to make itself apparent.

The guy had asked me how I keep it all straight in my head and, again, I shrugged, not because I didn’t know the answer – it was a “it’s not that big of a deal” kind of shrug and I did my best to explain to him that, at least inside my head, I’m very good at multitasking but even I had to learn how to keep all those thoughts and feelings “organized” in my head and instead of thinking of this being two different aspects of myself, it’s really only one aspect and one that has to be managed just like everything else has to be.

Then again, if you’ve been doing something long enough, it just becomes as natural and normal as breathing; I love this analogy because breathing is something you just do not ever think about… unless something makes it difficult to breathe, like having a cold, for example. Your sinuses get all stuffy and clogged up and while you’re taking cold medications, your body just keeps working at breathing even if it means becoming a mouth-breather. Once you’re over the cold, any breathing difficulties go away and life goes on.

The guy asked me if I ever had any conflicting thoughts about it and, again – and without shrugging this time – I said that my thoughts always conflict with each other but it’s up to me to keep them from being a problem. I tried to explain to him a couple of things and the first one was that thinking and doing aren’t the same things and the second was that there’s being bisexual and then there’s doing “bisexual things.” It’s always good when being and doing can act harmoniously… but that’s not always the case, is it? There’s what I want to do… then there are things I am able to do and if I can, fine but if I can’t, oh, well – put it on the shelf and go on to the next thing that has to be done.

He asked what I thought was a good question: “How do you decide who you wanna have sex with?” That one isn’t as easy to answer but, at least in my mind, it’s not so much who I wanna have sex with as it can be how I want to but if you think it’s like flipping a mental coin – heads it’s pussy, tails it’s dick – well, it doesn’t quite work like that in my head. It does lend itself to that sense of duality, of being “two different people” in this but it’s really just one person making up their mind or otherwise trying to determine the level or likelihood of availability of someone to have sex with.

The “hearts, not parts” crowd would love this part because, most definitely, you’re gonna think about who can best satisfy your need and all those other little details that are involved but, depending on your marital status, well, there are priorities when you’re married – duh – and if you’re one of those folks who has that go-to person on the side (with or without permission), that makes having to deal with the availability issue “easier” than having to do a lot of brainstorming to decide if the guy who’s been “after you” to have sex with him is worth doing it.

But you still have to keep all of this straight in your head; otherwise, you’re gonna make yourself crazy so it’s to your own benefit not to complicate things any more than they already are. Again, you get that sense of duality because chances are you have two different sets of criteria going on when, bluntly, you wanna get your rocks off… but how is that really any different when you’re trying to decide on what you want to eat for lunch or dinner?

Even in this “simple” analogy, you will invariably make the “easiest” decision available and according to the choices you have before you and, sure enough, you can make that decision and discover that instead of having that fully loaded cheeseburger, bleh, ya should have had a salad instead.

How you live with bisexuality really depends on how you go about living your life – period. When you have to engage “go mode,” you’re gonna use a lot of the same decision-making tools you use to make other decisions: Yes, no, if, then, else, maybe and even deciding that doing can’t be done at this time.

The guy had asked me, “Well, what do you prefer to do – eat pussy or suck cock?”

And I said, “Yes!” which, as you might expect, confused him and led to me trying to explain that it’s not really a preference and in the way most people think of it; like someone had said to me, to them, it’s like deciding between steak and hamburger and choosing the steak make sense… but for me – and others like me – the focus is on eating and not so much what’s available to be eaten.

Indeed, if you talk to other bi guys, they will make their preferences as clear as they can – more pussy than dick or more dick than pussy and such things tend to make some guys a little cray-cray but living with this, for me, is simpler… and because it has to be so my preference is to have sex and now it’s all about who I can have it with.

“There has to be more to it than that – it’s too simple,” the guy said.

“Simple works, doesn’t it?” I asked. “What’s the point in making this harder than it has to be? If you’re not bi like I am and you wanna get laid, don’t you think about how you’re gonna get laid and the easiest way you can? Even if you don’t already have someone specifically in mind, don’t you think about what you’re gonna have to do in order to have sex, even if the answer winds up being jerking off?”

“You have a funny way of looking at this,” he said after a moment of internal reflection.

“Probably… but it’s what works for me,” I said. “It’s how I keep it all straight in my head and it’s how I’m able to live with this without making myself clinically insane in the process; it’s just one of the billions of decisions I make each and every day. I wanna get laid – that’s the main focus; now, who can I get naked with and get laid? You know I’m married so, sure, the wife is the first choice and the easiest one to make… but if she’s not feeling it, then I have to decide if I wanna look elsewhere (and because our relationship allowed it) and then whether pussy or dick can be obtained without a lot of hassles.”

“And if it is?” he asked.

“Well, that’s why I have two hands,” I said.

“You’re weird, dude – you think like a computer…” he said.

“Given what I do for a living, that doesn’t really surprise me,” I said – and with a shrug. “Everything in life is “if, then, else” and the hard part is coming up with the logical arguments that satisfies the whole equation… and, yeah, it’s easier for me to think about it like this because I understand computer programming. Now, if that makes me weird, there’s nothing I can do about that… but for me, it works: If I can go suck a dick, then I’ll find a dick to suck; else or otherwise, I can have sex with my wife but even that gets, as we say in our business, nested – if she wants to, then we’ll have sex; else or otherwise, come up with another thing and the easiest one that takes care of the need to bust a nut is making a trip to the bathroom and literally taking the matter into my own hands.”

“You’re crazy,” he said.

“No doubt about that… it still works for me,” I said.

“But what if there’s nothing to do about it?” he asked.

“That’s easy – there just isn’t anything to be done at that time,” I said. “Doesn’t mean there won’t be a time when I can do something about it but until that opportunity comes along, there’s no need to make myself crazy about it because, duh, I do have other things that have to be done – if, then, else. That and it doesn’t make any sense to worry about the shit I can’t do, does it?”

This is how I can live with being bisexual and I do it without having to think about it. My way works for me… might not work for anyone else but, at least in my opinion, living with bisexuality – and for best effect – should approached as easily and as simply as you can manage or work smarter and not harder; make things as easy for and on yourself as you can and if you can do something, then do it… else, go to Plan B or whatever you wanna call it.

It’s why I tell a lot of bisexuals that when it comes to dealing with this, think first – then act if you must… or if you can. Otherwise, don’t make yourself crazy trying to do something you might not be able to do – but never assume that you won’t ever be able to do it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: I Remember…

…the first time I had to explain to a girl why I liked sucking cock. I was in junior high school and the bell had just rung signalling the end of fifth period and there was a flurry of activity as we all fled from one classroom and heading for the next one when a guy walked up to me, tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention, and handed me a note.

“That girl right there told me to give this to you,” he said, pointing to her and I followed his finger and, sure enough, there was this rather nice looking girl who was nodding at me as if to confirm that she was the one who sent the note.

I thanked him and wondered a couple of things. One, why didn’t she just come over and hand me the note herself but, importantly, who was she? I didn’t know her but as I kept hustling to my next class, I though maybe she knew my sister – we both went to the same school. I opened the note and all it said was, “Meet me after school at the side door – we need to talk about something!”

Okay… this just got very weird and to the point where I was distracted for the rest of the school day wondering who she was and, now, what the hell we needed to talk about. Needless to say, the end of seventh period – and the school day – couldn’t come fast enough so I can solve this mystery.

I meet the girl at the appointed place – let’s call her Pam – and as we started walking away from the school, the first thing she says is, “I hear you suck dick.”

I was shocked, of course, and my mind is ablaze with activity trying to figure out how she found out, who might have ratted me out about this, and while trying to form a response to what she said and my response was, “Huh?”

Yeah… very articulate and intelligent coming from a straight-A student, wouldn’t you say? I recovered and asked, “Where’d you hear that?”

She said, “My brother told me.” and now I’m trying to figure out who her brother is or was but she saved me the trouble by telling me his name – let’s call him Jim. Once she said his name, my face got really hot because just last Saturday, me and a guy I’d met named Jim pretty much spent the entire day sucking each other off until neither of us could get it up again.

“I didn’t know he was your brother,” I said but before I could say anything else, she waved me off and said, “I just wanna know why you like sucking dick. I know why he does – he likes boys but you don’t look like the type of guy who just likes boys.”

“I like girls,” I said, my voice sounding rather lame to my ears.

“Good,” she said. “Now, you wanna tell me why?”

I figured that I didn’t have anything to lose at this point since she obviously knew what Jim and I had done last Saturday so I might as well tell her… and discovered that I couldn’t put it into words to save my life and it didn’t help my thinking having her “badgering” me for an answer and I finally wound up saying, “I like doing it because I like doing it!”

Yeah… once again, my high IQ failed to demonstrate that it was, indeed, quite high given how stupid I sounded. She started asking me a bunch of questions; when was the first time I sucked a dick, how many times had I sucked a dick, did I really like it and what did I do when a guy shot in my mouth? What did it feel like for me? What was I thinking when I was doing it?

Thanks to her questions, little by little, I was kinda/sorta able to answer her original question but I made it a point to remember all those questions so that if someone ever asked me again, at least I had an “outline” in my mind so I could explain something that, apparently, wasn’t easy to explain, not to mention how embarrassing it was.

Her next question was, “So… if you really do like girls, do you eat pussy?”

Okay… where did that come from? Even as I pondered this, I could literally feel my face light up like the proverbial Christmas tree and my voice saying, “Hell, yeah I do!” – and, please, keep in mind that this wasn’t what I had planned to say at all.

So… the end of this part of the story is that we got to her house, went to her room and had some very amazing sex and as I continued to walk home afterward, I was even more stunned at this turn of events since it was well known that girls had very low opinions of guys who sucked dick and I never figured out – or asked her – if we had had sex (and was still having it) because I sucked dick, ate pussy, or had no issues about doing both.

I learned that day that explaining it is never easy… even when you know the answer like you know the back of your hand and the explaining gets even harder when you’re trying to explain it to someone who’s already made up their mind that no guy has a good reason for sucking another guy’s dick… and explaining it to some women is harder… and you’d think it wouldn’t be but is the reason for me invoking what’s considered to be bad conversational form by answering a question with a question: “Why do you suck dick? If you know why you like doing it, doesn’t it make sense that I like doing it for the same reason you do?”

Ah… apparently not. I’ve had this conversation with women so many times that even when I think about them, I can feel my body just tense up and a dull ache appears somewhere in my head. In talking to other guys who’ve had this conversation, the one question we’ve never been able to answer is why women don’t seem to get this one thing we have in common with them. Now, some women do get it; some find it exciting to know a guy who knows his way around a dick like she does while some are… indifferent? about it or maybe its just that you’re really not telling them anything they didn’t already know, namely, guys who aren’t gay do suck dick and you’re just another one of those guys.

It took me a whole lot of years to get my head around why some women go ballistic about a guy doing something that they themselves have done – doesn’t really matter if they like doing it, love doing it, or could care less about doing it but a lot of women take knowing this as a personal affront to them or, as I had asked one woman, “What, do you feel like we’re competing for the dick or something or do you just believe that guys don’t have any business encroaching on your territory?”

And she had replied, “Yes.” And that’s all she said.

The worse is having a girlfriend find out about that and even much more worse is their assumption that the whole time you’ve been with them, you’ve been going behind their back and sucking dick or, if you’re able to convince her that you haven’t – and good luck with that one – it’s just automatically assumed that you’re going to since you were doing it… and before you even knew she even existed. And, yes – that also goes for even and merely having a thought about it because most people are of a mind that if you’re thinking about something, you plan on doing whatever you’re thinking about.

There are probably some women reading this and laughing their cute asses off and more so if they’ve ever put a guy through this particular wringer. Then, if having to explain this hasn’t be the cluster fuck to end all cluster fucks, some women pour gas on the fire that’s burning you to a crisp by asking, “What about my feelings?”

Ah, if only you could see the look on my face right now. The thing I’ve asked – and have never gotten what I’d call a sensible answer to is, “What does my liking to suck cock have to do with your feelings?” It has always amazed and baffled me how a conversation about something I actually love doing goes from being about me to being about her… but when you ask them this, wow, the answer – if you get one – is all over the place and gets that much more confusing.

“Why didn’t you mention this when we first met?” Which is a good question and the answer is, um, it’s because I was very sure that if we ever got to talking about this, this is how you were gonna react. Now you’re all kinds of lying bastards but if you happen to be proactive and let your cock sucking experiences be known right up front, well, y’all remember that line from “A Few Good Men,” right? If you tell them the truth, you’re hosed and if you leave this out – and because, again, you’re very sure she’s not gonna react well, you’re still hosed – damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

It is amazingly refreshing to have this conversation with a woman and her response is, “That’s so cool!” or they’re not feeling threatened by it.

My “favorite” female response? “You trying to tell me that you don’t like the way I suck your dick?”

Wait… what? Help me out here… how does my liking to suck cock even remotely resembles or becomes a matter of not liking the way you suck me? And, again, you should see the look on my face right about now because just thinking about this invokes an automatic physical response on my part. I’ve heard this one go from the original question to a declaration that, obviously, I like the way guys suck me more than I like how she does it… which for me, personally, ain’t even close to the truth. The real truth is, yes, I just love having my dick sucked and, no, I’m not particular about who does it. I do, in fact, very much appreciate that anyone would want to go down on me and I am always grateful when someone does. Does it matter how it turns out? No, not really but, sure, if I can cum like that, that ramps up my appreciation levels even more because I understand that you didn’t have to do this for me at all.

And even when I’ve explained it as I just did, you wanna guess how some women react to it? Yeah… it’s like I never said a word at all because this is still about her and her feelings and this mysterious dislike of her oral skills.

If having to explain this has taught me anything, it’s taught me that logic never stands a chance against an emotional reaction. I’ve found that you can, in fact, ask a woman if she understands what you’ve explained and, most of the time, her answer is, “Yeah, but…” and what follows the “but” should be a warning to hold onto something. Sometimes, a woman will say that she doesn’t understand it and I’ve never figured out why she doesn’t… or, perhaps, the truth is that she doesn’t want to understand it which begs this question: Why did you ask me a question you didn’t really wanna hear the answer to?

There was a time where having this conversation would seriously raise my blood pressure and just frustrate the shit out of me but I eventually learned to just answer the questions and just leave it at that. I’m kinda good with words and I figure that if I wind up breaking it all down into “baby talk” and a woman still doesn’t understand it, there’s no point in me getting all bent out of shape about it.

But sometimes, it’s just funny, not because such a conversation lacks seriousness, mind you; it’s just that sometimes it’s better to look for and see the humor in such a conversation rather than to get mentally and physically upset about it.

Ah, but it gets better when the person you’re trying to explain this to is male. You tell a guy this and, at some point, he’s gonna ask you if you’re gay or say that you don’t look like the type; maybe he’ll launch into a monologue that’s homophobic, state emphatically that he’d never do some shit like that and, invariably, will also emphatically state that you’d better not ask to suck his dick.

I’ve listened to guys go through this and, once, the guy’s monologue pissed me off, not because of anything he said about me but how ignorantly and unintelligent his speech was and once he was done ranting and raving, I looked at him and said, “Don’t flatter yourself, dude; I wouldn’t want to suck your dick even if I needed to in order to save my life…”

Oooh. He didn’t like that one bit… and I didn’t give a fuck that he didn’t like what I said. But I did ask him, “What makes you think that my liking to suck dick has anything to do with you? You asked me a question and I answered it… and now you’re all offended and shit and maybe you just forgot that I once told you to never ask me a question you didn’t want to hear the answer to – and you just did so fuck you, too.”

What really gets me are those guys who will go ballistic over this… and it’s really all an act because, um, they know a little something-something about cock sucking and personally so. My all time favorite “confrontation” was with a guy who went through the expected monologue and anticipated “You’d better not even think about asking me” ultimatum and when I said that I wouldn’t ask him even if his life depended on it, that’s when he really got pissed off.

So I asked him, “Okay… would you like for me to blow you?”

He said, “No – I don’t believe in that… I’m just offended that you wouldn’t ask me.”

“I just did… so does that mean you’re no longer offended?”

“Yes… um, no… uh, I still don’t believe in that,” he said.

Go figure. Would I have done him if he had consented? Yeah, I would have… and because I sensed it would really fuck with him and, to be honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had consented because it’s not like I’ve never had this conversation with a guy, heard his objections and the ultimatum… and then he gets around to asking if we can do that thing he previously didn’t believe in doing.