…I enjoyed a spirited conversation about yesterday’s scribble about what men want when they decide to get with another guy and, right up front, I wanna thank Oceanswater and Cityman for their participation and comments as well as theacquienscentsoul for his “vulgar” comment that he wants the D.
Vulgar… yeah, sure it was.
Oceanswater said, at one point, that I was confusing her which didn’t surprise me… because this is really that confusing even to me and it doesn’t “help” with me being from another era that had a different view and approach to male bisexuality… but my perspective does allow me to see how this has been changing and, hmm, it’s still rather fascinating.
Cityman said, “So, whereas m2m sex (DL or otherwise) was fairly automatic so long as discretion was assured, nowadays you’re seeing more rules and criteria to feel comfortable with the “transaction”. This discernment might seem to mirror the way women screen their men for quality control, but is it, really? I think it’s learned behavior, but perhaps not for the same reasons that women employ this form of control.”
And he makes a good point – is this level of discernment mirroring the way women screen men? I think it does except women do have some slightly different criteria to be concerned about since women screen men for the best qualities that will benefit them and more so if they’re of a mind to have children and, of course, being able to select the guy who’s gonna cause them the least amount of emotional issues or they’re betting that this guy is going to be a better man than the last guy or the worse guy they’ve ever encountered.
The question is: How can I find a guy I can be with and express my bisexuality with… and with the least amount of hassles and other complications? As I may have mentioned yesterday, it’s not that guys don’t know that if/when they want the D, all they have to do is open an app and say, “Let’s do this!” to the first guy who’s willing to do what’s being sought and needed and, yeah, it really is that easy… but.
Part of the bad rep men have is our historic propensity for casual sex or, crudely, we’ll have sex with anyone who’ll let us get with them and solely for the purpose of having sex… and if a relationship of some kind happens, okay, we’ll deal with that should it come to pass. It was this thing in particular that, in days gone by, made M2M encounters such a simple thing to make happen – it’s just sex; no strings, no commitments, no hard to navigate conditions; do you wanna do it and if so, when and where and maybe even how… and even when there was a… complication in the “how” portion of this, two guys with dissimilar needs could, at the least, get together and suck cock.
Not exactly what the doctor ordered but close enough for government work. Oh, and as long as no one found out about it, that just worked because, back then, bi guys were seriously against being tagged as being gay given how badly gay men were being persecuted.
Now… it’s not as if I didn’t expect the dynamic to change because it had to… and it has; I’m just amazed at the direction it’s gone in. What two guys can do hasn’t changed because, duh, there are some limits. Again, it’s how guys are going about this that’s really changed – what they want and how they want it and what conditions have to be met. One and done, while convenient and expedient, doesn’t cut the mustard as much as it once did; men are still about the D but they’re very much more into “hearts” – what kind of man are you? Are we compatible outside of being able to have sex with each other in some way? Are you gonna still respect me after we have sex and if I wanna do it with you again, are you gonna blow me off or were you just leading me on to get a piece of me?
Here’s the funny part – well, I think it is. There are a lot of guys who still don’t want to get into anything that resembles a relationship… but casual, NSA sex is a no-no… but, ya know, if a guy could find that one dude he could engage with instead of having to face the much-dreaded hookup, well, that works… and more so if we can do things other than screw each other silly.
We’ve seen the advent of FWB – all of the perks, none of the traditional responsibilities and I don’t know why but a lot of people don’t see this as a relationship – because I’ve always thought that it is – just not, again, in the traditional sense. It becomes an issue of exclusivity at times; no, we’re not gonna “settle down with each other and play house” but unless you’re married, it’s preferred that you not get with any other guy other than me and getting with other guys, while understandable since we’re not officially committed to each other, will not be looked upon favorably.
And, yeah… there are still dudes who, when they’re horny and want some dick/ass, either expect you to drop what you’re doing to accommodate them… or are of a mind not to declare an emergency just to fulfill some dude’s need for sex.
And if it comes to light that all I meant to you was being an outlet for your lust and nothing more than that, wow, don’t I feel cheap, sleazy, and badly used and it’s so fucked up that all I was to you was a piece of ass and a means to a creamy end!
Does any of this sound familiar?
I see this and, being the overly curious person I tend to be, I ask, “What’s going on with this? Why is this becoming more of a thing when I know it didn’t use to be? Am I missing something… or is what I’m seeing the “new way” to be male and bisexual?”
Yet another “funny” thing is the perception that dudes don’t care about anything other than getting laid; again, it’s been the bane of our existence as men since the first time Eve asked Adam, “Is that all you ever think about?” It’s no longer primarily about sex since dicks and asses are a dime a dozen; it’s now about substance and I’ll ask y’all again – does any of this sound familiar?
I’ll point back to the quoted item from Cityman and, in particular, the last sentence of that quote and beginning with, “It’s a learned behavior…” because he’s right – it is… and we learned it by interacting with women and, for the most part, it’s something that tends to work for them (even if it tends to drive us crazy)… and if it’s kinda/sorta good for the gander, well, can’t it also be good for the goose?
And it weirdly makes sense given that a lot of men stress over how to be bisexual; how do you meet guys? How do you date another guy? Should you meet and have sex with a guy on the first date or do you wait to see his level of interest in things not sexual first before getting naked with him? And if you do give in to the lust of the moment, is that gonna be good or bad in a long term sense and, importantly, by doing so, does one violate their principles concerning casual sex?
I see this and say to myself, “Hmm… ain’t this interesting?” I also ask myself if this change in the dynamic will also lend itself to more and better social acceptance of male bisexuals if they’re showing more… responsibility in whatever they’re doing by being more discriminating about it? I don’t know – this is one of those wait and see kind of things.
Is it gonna put an end to guys being on the DL? Probably not and no more than it’s gonna pave the way for guys to be able to get permission to indulge in this without having to sneak around to do stuff. Guys still worry about being outed, worry excessively about what others would think of them to find out that they’re bisexual and I don’t see that changing any time soon…
But this change in the dynamic means something and it’s an important change in the way things used to be. Oceanswater asked me if I longed for the good old days and I’ll admit that I do miss them simply because getting with a guy was, for the most part, less complicated; ya either wanted to do something or you didn’t and if you did, let’s not complicate things by catching feelings for each other, okay? Let’s just hook up, get each other hard, make each other soft and if we run into each other again, sure, maybe we can get it on but if not, eh, it’s no big deal and thanks for having a good time with each other.
Some men – and a growing number of men, it seems – need more substance with their portion of cock and/or ass. True enough, there are still guys who aren’t willing or able to commit to anything other than let’s get naked and do something – but we may or may not see each other again… and there are a growing number of men for whom this NSA attitude just ain’t gonna work for them.
And, perhaps, this change in the dynamic is needed to show that male bisexuality is just as “normal” as anything else is instead of it being seen as some kind of aberration that’s somewhere between being totally straight and totally gay. Again, I have no real idea if this is what’s really happening, that male bisexuality is, indeed, being normalized… but it sure looks like it from where I’m sitting and now it’s just a matter of determining whether this is a good or bad thing.
And should I find out, I’ll let ya know.