Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Secret Lives of Straight Men

A forum member brought this topic up by supplying an article that, to paraphrase, attempts to analyze the “phenomenon” of straight dudes who have sex with other straight dudes… and like it’s some new thing going on.

It isn’t. Every time I see something written about this, it tends to make me laugh and shake my head to see authors going out of their way trying to put this “strange” behavior into perspective and, I’ve always thought, overlooking or maybe even discounting the most obvious answer to why a straight dude would want to have sex with another straight dude – or any dude, really: Because that’s what he wants and/or needs to do.


The provided article attempts to explain why a straight guy would do the nasty with another guy but continue to insist that he’s still straight and, again, overlooking/discounting the obvious answer: That’s how he sees himself. Duh again. The only thing I found agreeable was the author saying that the social stigma toward men having sex with men can have something to do with this perception and the generally accepted notion that straight men just do not ever have sex with other men.

Which is a lie, of course. Well, okay, not a totally blatant lie but the truth comes in two parts: Not all straight men would be of a mind to have sex with another guy… and some some most certainly might or would be of a mind to do just that and have done it… and probably more than once. In my comment to the member who posted this, I asked, “Where do you think bi guys come from?”

The article got into the “thing” where gay men are seriously on the prowl for straight guys and, for me, that’s another “duh” moment because, if for no other reason, straight men are the forbidden fruit for gay men… because everyone knows that a straight guy would never have sex with another guy and, as such, makes straight me highly attractive. I laugh whenever something I’ve read mentions this because, in reality, the accepted sexuality of the guys in question doesn’t have anything to do with this; if anything, this is the adult version of boys being boys with some, as the article suggested, compartmentalization going on… or, if the shoe fits, being in denial of some stuff.

I can’t begin to count the many times I’ve heard guys say that if a guy sucks his dick and he doesn’t cum, then it’s not gay; likewise for sucking a guy’s dick. More of the same for fucking a guy and for this one, if the straight guy doing the fucking pulls out before he cums and shoots it all over the place, nothing gay happened and, yeah, if he’s the one getting in the butt, as long as the other guy doesn’t bust a nut in his ass, not gay and, after the fact, it never happened and even if they were to admit that it did, they’re still straight.

The number one reason I’ve heard for this mindset is, classically, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time” or stating that they’d only do something like that with the right person and under the right conditions; absent this, they’re straight. I personally know of guys who, in a threesome setting, has had a field day playing with a dick but because a woman was present, nothing they did with the guy counts and if you pointed out to them that, yeah, dude, it does count, they’ll be quick to tell you that because a woman was in the mix, nope – doesn’t count and is certainly not bi or gay.

As I had commented, I have talked with guys who are what I’ll call socially against anything homosexual… but who have admitted that, sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. I’ve heard them speak to some very precise and exacting conditions or situations where something like that might happen like one guy telling me that if he got drunk enough, wasn’t any telling what he might do and, yep, I’ve had guys admit that they did get pretty blitzed enough that some dicks got sucked (at the least) – but they’re still straight.

You can even see this mindset form in guys who identify as bisexual and when they draw a huge line between anything they may have done in their youth and what they do or not do as an adult… like the two things are really different and what they did as a horny kid never happened.

Now, we can get into the myriad reasons why a straight guy would consider throwing it down with another dude and the rationalization behind those reasons but experience has taught me that there are two things going on. The first is if you don’t mind, I don’t mind and the second is I won’t tell if you won’t. I have learned that there are times when you get a couple of guys hanging out and they wind up being bored silly, hmm, there’s not only no telling what they might be thinking but there’s no telling what might actually happen. I’ve had guys “test the waters” by asking what appear to be an innocent question on the surface: “Would you say I’m weird if I said that sometime I think about getting a blow job from another guy?” or, sometimes if he’s weird because sucking a dick has somehow gotten stuck in his head.

You’d think that a straight guy would never have such thoughts… and you’d be wrong about that and even if he said it’s something he never thinks about and I don’t think they understand that if they’ve rejected such a thing, um, they thought about it first… and this is one of my favorite and classic examples about thinking and doing not being the same things. Just because a guy thinks about it doesn’t mean that he’s gonna do it… but, yep, sometimes, it does or, at the very least, he wants to but now he’s got to figure out who he might be able to do it with and, importantly, without anyone else finding out that he did.

There are a lot of folks these days who think that this is something new. I know it isn’t because I’ve had sex with, um, quite a few straight guys; whether they wind up changing their sexual identity after the fact isn’t really relevant – some do say they’re bi… and some kept insisting that they’re still straight. There’s even an out for such men: If you do it once, it doesn’t mean that you’re bi or maybe even gay… but if you do it more than once, well, you might be bi and even then the first or second time isn’t considered to be gay. The acts have always been linked to male homosexuality; you suck a dick or get yours sucked by a guy and that’s gay, plain and simple… except not all guys who have sex with other guys are homosexuals; some of them are bisexual and, how about that – some of them will tell you that they’re straight and no matter what they did, when they did it, and why they did.

Now, ya might think, if you’re a label-hater, that having to call this something has zero importance and I’d beg to differ with you because what does have importance is how one’s mind can rearrange shit in order to best fit one’s view of themselves. Again, a straight guy who’d spend some time exchanging blow jobs with another guy could and might insist that he’s straight… because that’s how he sees himself and the fact that he and some other guy sucked each other off doesn’t have a damned thing to do with how he sees himself or, again, sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

And I won’t tell if you won’t.

Predictably, the article provided managed to toss women into this and even said that straight women don’t have sex with other women… and I want you to think about that one and maybe you’ll see why I find this so funny. The truth, even for the ladies, is that not all women would have sex with another woman… but some do and if you wanna know why, you’d have to ask them. I have heard a lot of women say that there’s nothing another woman can do for them and mean it… and I know many of them who have had their mind changed. You almost always hear about the gal who had sex with another gal in college but what I haven’t heard – and as far as I can remember – is a woman who said that she had sex with another woman… and she’s still 100% straight even though she’s had sex with other women more than once. The thing here is that socially, um, if girlfriend gets a little pussy every now and then, no one really blames her since it’s also assumed that she’s getting some nookie because of some great disappointment with men (and other problems).

Which doesn’t mean much of anything where guys are concerned… because even with male bisexuality and the continued presence of male homosexuality, men are not ever supposed to think about sex with other men and they’d better not even got there… but we know that they do… and I know, even if no one else does (or believes it), so do straight guys. I had a woman say, here on WordPress, if a guy is having sex with another guy, he has to be into guys and that’s pretty much what everyone tends to believe and there is some truth to it… but not the whole truth. They very well may not have that emotional affinity for men… but we do love having sex, don’t we?

The provided article pointed out that guys who are straight and play with a dick and continues to insist that they’re straight do so as a means to protect their masculinity since, as everyone knows, a guy who’d have sex with another guy ain’t masculine at all and to “prove” their point, they’ll toss any effeminate gay man into the fire as proof. What I know for a fact is that it takes a lot of very masculine guts to have sex with another guy, well, for the first time. I know what goes through a guy’s head about this, you know, having spent a lot of time peeking inside guys’ heads on the matter. They know about the taboo and many are and have been “scared to death” that if they do this, they’re going to turn into, pardon me, a flaming fag. I have sat and listened to them and watched them thinking things out and, I gotta admit, it’s fascinating as anything that has ever fascinated me. I’ve heard them say that they know they’re straight… but they have this urge to have sex with a man; they don’t know where the hell it came from or why it’s even there to begin with and, at the point where they’re talking to me, they’re trying to decide whether or not it’s going to fuck them up in some way if they go against the taboo and, yeah, if doing so is going to make them gay.

And, yeah, I’ve done the deed with, let’s call him, a formerly straight guy and after the fact? He has said that (1) that wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be (2) it was rather nice and (3) that doesn’t mean he’s stopped being straight and he still very much loves sex with women. And the first time I can remember hearing something along these lines was way back in 1970. Yep, 41 years ago. Hmm… not so new as it appears to be, huh? I’ve had guys ask, “If we do this, will I still like girls?” and I’ve responded by saying, “Yeah – because I still like girls, too.”

And, really, if no one ever finds out that you played with a dick, you’re still straight both to yourself and to anyone who knows you… and believes that you are as straight as you say you are… and that’s why the “I won’t tell if you won’t” rule is still very much in effect – we just call it being discrete. Still, this isn’t really a thing about straight guys having sex with other straight guys as it is something that paints a picture about how our minds work and in concert with how sex is supposed to work and, of course, being told to never, ever have sex with someone who is the same sex as you are. There’s a reason why so many men and women get the shock of their lives when “out of nowhere,” thoughts of some same-sex action arrive. If you’re straight, that’s what you are both in thought and in deed… right up to the moment this lands on you like someone dropped a planet on your ass. What doesn’t get talked about is that some straight guys, after a lot of deliberation with themselves, can decide – and in order to take care of their need for sex – that, hmm, doing something with a guy might not be that bad of an idea; they can convince themselves that if they do, it’s not gonna mean that they’re gay… but since the notion of being bisexual is, strangely, an unknown to a lot of people, there is a simple logic at work: If you’re not gay, you’re straight.

Period. And no one is going to tell you any different even if it gets pointed out that, um, no, sorry – you’re not as straight as you think you are, my man. That went out of the window when you asked me to suck your dick and I did and you came in my mouth… and it is both easy and actually normal for guys to maintain their straightness because, in their minds, what they did has nothing to do with who they are as a person and how they see themselves.

Hah, that would be like me, a guy who has had a lot of sex with both men and women, trying to convince you that I’m not bisexual or, even better, trying to convince you that I’m still straight. There’s no mystery going on here; it’s not shockingly unusual for two straight guys to put their heads together and decide that, you know, giving each other a blow job wouldn’t be that bad of a thing, you know, as long as no one else finds out that we did that and, yep, if anyone asks, not only will it be denied but the next thing out of their mouth will be, “I’m straight – I ain’t like that!” But they know what they did and their brain does have to put it into some kind of perspective to both justify and rationalize what just happened… and the human brain always seems to take the easiest route and says, “Well, you were straight before you and Jack did this… so it was just sex and doesn’t mean that you’re still not straight. I know y’all did it again yesterday and y’all talked about getting together tomorrow to do it again but, yeah, it’s still just sex and doesn’t mean that you’re gay or some shit like that.”

And there you have it. I don’t blame people for having this misperception because if I didn’t know what I know and have learned about this, I’d probably be as “shocked” as they are over the notion of two straight dudes having sex with each other. The thing is that straight men and women, for whatever reason winds up working for them, can, will, and do have sex in the same-sex mode and now it’s nit-picking time where they’re still straight or not goes. It’s just “easier” to believe that one’s straightness is alive, well, and intact because (1) that’s how they see themselves and (2) it’s not something they’d do all of the time.

It happens. It has always happened. Really, where do bisexuals come from? Why do you think that we’re of two minds about boys being boys? We frown on it but we also give it a pass as long as the “experimentation” doesn’t continue into adulthood but we just don’t ever think or consider that boys can be boys at any time, any age, and for any reason that makes sense to a guy, up to and including, “Dude, I need to bust a nut – my boys are hurting like a motherfucker!” And, you betcha – I’ve sucked a lot of straight guy dick for that reason alone. Then again, I’ve never had a clusterfuck going on inside my head about this. I started out straight… then I wasn’t so straight. I am, in actuality, both straight and gay… just not neither thing exclusively. We call this bisexuality and, as I’ve learned, frequency doesn’t mean a damned thing. It’s not something you’d do all of the time? Okay… neither do I.

“Straight” guys who have an issue with the word “bisexual” do have a word that explains them quacking like the duck they’ll tell you they aren’t: Heteroflexible or homoflexible. More of a focus on frequency than the fact that they like dick. Being “bi with the right person/situation.” Uh-huh… that’s pretty much how almost all bisexuals behave and, well, everyone and regardless to sexual identity. Shit… we even believe that homosexuals never have opposite-sex sex… except they do… and will tell you in a heartbeat that they’re still very much gay, thank you very much. Seriously, how do you think lesbians who want to be parents – but can’t afford the high cost of being artificially inseminated – get pregnant? Hmm? I’m thinking the last time that happened without sperm meeting egg, three wise men came from the East… And, yeah, even they will compartmentalize it and some will tell you that it was just sex, they didn’t really enjoy any of it, and it was necessary to be able to conceive… even if it took, um, quite a few attempt. Still gay, though; taking one for the team for a worthy cause. Not something they’d do all of the time.

What all of this says about us is… scary. This is almost as bad as the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result except, in this, it’s getting into some same-sex sex and insisting that even though you did it, you’re still straight. The mistake we made was to link sex with sexual orientation and stating that who you have sex with is what defines your orientation… and just overlooking the fact that humans have sex because they want and need to and, oh, yeah, as a species, we’re not all that particular if the person we’re having sex with is the same sex as we are. It’s a difference that makes no difference… but we made it one and because we did, hoo boy, there are a lot of people mindfucking themselves even more than they’ve already been mindfucked about having sex.

I would dare say that if you’re a straight guy and, you know, every now and then you have sex with a guy, hmm, I’m thinking you’re not as straight as you say you are because I’m pretty sure that you know good and damned well that what you did with a guy isn’t what anyone would call being straight. Why would a straight guy want to have sex – and have sex – with another straight guy?

Because it can be done. They both wanna do something. What other explanation is needed? If you wanna keep saying you’re straight, that’s on you… but you know you aren’t and if I’m the one who did you, I know it. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me but, yeah, if I hear you talking about how straight you are and you see me laughing or getting that look on my face, well, you know why I am.

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Posted by on 12 May 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Complicated (Revisited)?

The only reason why sexuality is complicated is because we – humans – made it complicated by insisting that love, sex, and relationships should and can only happen between people of the opposite sex. Homosexuality confuses people, not because it’s that hard to figure out but because it goes against what we established eons ago… and bisexuality, as it turns out, has taken everything we known and believe about this and thrown it right out the window.

The rules sought to direct our… urges in one singular direction and included dire warnings and even more dire punishments for anyone who dared to do things that didn’t fall in line with the boy/girl only edict. I had asked myself why the edict was put in place and I found out a couple of things that had a lot to do with procreation but it dawned on me that the only reason to put a “law” into place about something is to curtain something that’s been going on; so it just wasn’t all about the baby-making thing but to also get some measure of control over human nature itself – that drive, urge, and need to have sex and “recreationally” so.

I know that I got all of the rules and prohibitions hammered into my head and just like everyone before me did and, of course, everyone after me has. What all of that didn’t – and, maybe – couldn’t take into consideration or do a whole lot about is how a guy might feel when he sees another guy and gets this great urge to have sex with him or finds him emotionally pleasing – and the same applies for women, too. I think those early lawmakers were seeing a lot of both males bonding with other males – and having sex as a result of that bond – and women were bonding in similar ways and decided that this shit had to stop.

Except, it didn’t. A guy looks at another guy and, what the fuck? Why am I feeling the way I am about this dude and more so when I’m only supposed to have these thoughts and feelings for women? Instant confusion and immediately complicated and all because those early lawmakers that making any violation of the edict and making it punishable by a horrible, painful death, would be enough to change the way people might feel and think because of their feelings.

Enter the power of belief and it’s ability to just fuck shit up. If there is one thing you can trust about yourself, it’s how you feel… because it’s the way you feel even if you don’t understand it at first… then things get complicated because if there’s something you most definitely know, it’s that you are not ever supposed to have any kind of feelings for someone who is the same sex as you are other than those borne out of friendship and you sure as hell are not to ever want to have sex with them… or else.

Bisexuality gets confusing and complicated because society norms based upon religious mandate and edict actually set us up to be confused and to make this complicated. It becomes more of an internal clusterfuck because, yep, you know what the rules are but how you’re feeling – and the resulting thoughts on those feelings – just contradicts what you’ve been told and taught. Which thing is the right thing? I’ll give you a hint:

It’s not what we’ve been taught and told to believe about this. And the proof of it is that you feel the way you do despite knowing you’re not supposed to.

Homosexuals were the “original nonconformists” and to say that they caught a lot of hell behind being homosexual because their behavior proved that what they said about how things are supposed to be were… about as wrong as it gets. It took us centuries and some political action to finally get to the point where we had to admit and accept that the only difference between heterosexuals and homosexuals is who we chose to get into love, sex, and relationship with, that and we figured out how people who can’t have children can have children… and without any sex being involved.

As I’ve said before, I grew up listening to people (1) bash the shit out of homosexuals and (2) say that someone had to be totally out of their minds to want to have sex with both men and women! Preposterous! Totally out of the question and makes no sense whatsoever! Except, the reality said something very different and more so when, even back when I came into existence, we knew that people could be homosexual despite it being said that no one could be. The ancient edict, in actually, changed nothing about that aspect of human behavior but because we were paying so much attention to homosexuality, bisexuality got overlooked and when it was noticed, well, hmmph – all that means is that person is really homosexual… and because it was really the only thing that made sense.

Yeah, not really. The thing that keeps baking my noodle is that we know good and damned well that humans can be bisexual… but we make it so horribly complicated because of what we believe… and that belief just sets someone up for some… interesting moments with themselves when they become aware that they’re feeling something for someone who is of the same sex as they are and their feelings for the opposite sex are still very much in place. If that wasn’t confusing enough all by itself, we now have a great many people trying to explain this… aberration because, holy shit, people aren’t just straight or gay!

It gets complicated because we’re not taught how to deal with these feelings… but we are told to never have them in the same-sex mode… but there they are just the same and denying that we have them just adds to the complication because, again, if you don’t know anything else, you do know how you feel. Adding more fuel to the fire is the fact that since society lost the eons-long war against homosexuality, society has turned its attention to attacking bisexuality and, stupidly, in pretty much the same way it tried to get rid of homosexuality. It’s impossible for someone to feel something for both males and females and even more so if those feelings get them having sex with each other! It’s not real; it’s really them being homosexuals and in abject denial of being homosexual.

And we listen to this shit and it confuses the shit out of some folks because, somehow, they can’t get their head around the fact that what they’re feeling – and no matter why they’re feeling it – is the right thing and more than the overall society mindset says… and based upon something that was never true to begin with but singled out to be the most idealistic way to be: Heterosexual only.

Except, um, it wasn’t true way back then… and it’s not true here in 2021. The initial confusion comes when, say, you’re a girl and you know a girl who, for some “unknown” reason, makes you feel some kind of way and in a similar way that you’re only supposed to feel about boys… and you still feel that way about boys but that girl over there? Whew – making those panties sopping wet and making one’s heart go pitter-patter! Not supposed to be that way… but those feelings and reactions are very damned real… and it’s so confusing and makes everything so complicated.

Someone asked me, “Don’t you find all of this complicated?”

I said, “No, I don’t.”

“Why not?” they asked.

“Because I don’t believe that shit about love, sex, and relationships only being between people of the opposite sex,” I said.

“Why don’t you believe it?” they persisted.

“Because I don’t and I’m living proof that the way things are supposed to be isn’t the only way things can be,” I said.

“That’s crazy,” they said and their confusion was, to me, so easy to see because the reality didn’t match up with what we’re told about any of this.

Um, no… it really isn’t all that crazy.

We just have a seriously major problem accepting the reality. Bisexuality is only complicated because we’ve made it complicated; it takes that, “You’re either straight or gay” bullshit and just trashes the shit out of it; it totally and completely invalidates everything we believe to be true and then, to make things even more interesting, we are still in the process of trying to qualify and quantify this supposedly impossible and unrealistic state of human behavior and, insanely and conversely, pitching all kinds of royal bitches against something that’s said to be unreal… and begging the question of, “If bisexuality isn’t real, what are you fussing about?”

Um, because it is real? That we still can’t accept the true nature of what we are and how we can be… and that the boy/girl rule was designed to suppress this thing about ourselves? And, oh, yeah, let’s not forget that rule has consistently failed to stop or prevent anyone from being bisexual anymore than it stopped anyone from being homosexual. It also seems to be in our nature to make mountains out of molehills, too, and that just complicates things in this even more. We have, currently, deemed that you can only be bisexual if you’re willing and able to be in a same-sex relationship; it has been deemed a requirement to qualify as a bisexual if you’re more about the person than you are about those, um, things that lend itself to having sex first and foremost.

Then, you can only be validated as a true bisexual if you tell everyone you know that you’re bisexual and if doing so happens to fuck up your whole life, well, it’s better to tell the truth than to keep living a lie and making everyone you know feel so very uncomfortable and ashamed of you – how dare you be so selfish and inconsiderate of others!

Granted, if there’s something that does complicate bisexuality, it’s trying to find someone you can be bisexual with… but finding someone for the purpose of love, sex, and relationships has never been easy, has it? Even more complicated is that you can’t really get all bisexuals to agree on what it is and how it should work and even then it’s based upon heteronormative stuff; be attracted, relationship-mode only – and that includes having sex – and a bunch of other things that just makes being bisexual continually complicated for a lot of people. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say, “I didn’t ask for these feelings!” I’d be Bill Gates rich.

The confusing and complicated truth of things is that very few of us actually ask to have these feelings… because they just show the hell up all by themselves and when you never expect them to. The confusion and complicated nature of this is very real when you’ve spent a large part of your life being heterosexual and in every way that is… and then find yourself… divided. Not gay, but not really straight either. You know how you feel but what’s going on in your head is raising all kinds of hell with you because you’re not supposed to have any same-sex feelings and you sure as fuck aren’t supposed to have feelings for both men and women.

Yet, that’s how you feel and, again, it doesn’t really matter why you’re feeling this way. The people who don’t get or stay confused or feel this is so horribly complicated are those people who believe and trust their feelings more than they do the way things are supposed to be because they know that the way things are supposed to be just is not the way things can be, you know, if that’s the way you’re thinking and feeling.

It continues to be complicated for some who accept that, yep, bisexual. Me. It becomes that way because one of the first things someone thinks is, “What is someone else going to say and think about me?” Gets even worse when you’ve probably been around or have been exposed to the great and persistent angst against anyone who isn’t heterosexual and, yeah, some of those people displaying such great angst happens to be people you know and are close to you.

I was asked, “How do you deal with knowing that people who know you aren’t going to be comfortable with you being bisexual?”

My answer was, “I don’t deal with it; they’re either going to be okay with it or they aren’t – and I know why they aren’t and I know the reason why they aren’t and would be is bullshit religious dogma; I know that nothing I can say to them about this is ever going to change that which they believe… so I don’t let that bother me and I know that no matter what they say, it is never going to change the fact that I am bisexual. Besides, I’ve got bigger and better things to deal with.”

I’m not the only one who sees it this way… the bad part is that a lot of people can’t and, as such, bisexuality is so fucking complicated. I sit and read what others write about how feelings of bisexuality has complicated their lives and I just shake my head because I know that it’s not bisexuality that’s making shit complicated for them: They’re doing it to themselves and letting others insert a lot of drama into the whole matter and all because they keep believing something that just isn’t as true and as accurate as they believe.

And they don’t want to believe it because, again, bisexuality invalidates everything they believe or otherwise thought they knew. Everything. For myself – and, again, I’m not the only one – bisexuality isn’t confusing or complicated even though I can and will admit that being able to do something about it brings its own unique issues to the table… but even in this – and I’ll say it again – isn’t all that different from what everyone else goes through in order to get their slice of love, sex, and/or relationships so that’s just an occupational hazard and just as much a part of the whole love, sex, and relationships deal as anything else is and sexuality has no real relevance in the inherent difficulty involved since, um, you know, straight and gay folks go through the same complications, too.

I will often say, and rhetorically so, that I don’t know why we have to make this as complicated as we do… but I know why and it’s all because we continue to believe in something that has been proven to not be the whole truth of what it means to be human. Cityman – bless his heart – likes to bring up the famous – or infamous – bonobo monkeys who were observed and studied and found to be very damned bisexual and a lot of people accept these findings because they are, in fact, true and not just among primates – and that includes us, by the way. What puts a crimp in things is that the difference between bisexual animals and us is that… we have that higher brain function thing going on and the damned rules and edicts have always sought to suppress our animal behavior, that and we don’t see ourselves as being animals in the first place when, um, yeah, we are:

We’re just a more… intelligent kind of animal but in many ways, eh, not so much since we keep right on believing something that isn’t all that true. This great contradiction of the facts causes the confusion and complications so many bisexuals are talking about and very few have gotten to the point of seeing and understanding that the way to not let this confuse you or cause any undue complications is…

To stop believing what we’ve been told about only being straight and laughing our asses over the silly notion that people can only be straight or gay… because it’s a lie that was invented by those who cannot handle the truth and reality of what we can be. It’s only complicated because we make it complicated; the simplest explanation just does not seem to work for us. Why do I have a thing for both men and women? Um, because I do and any explanation beyond that is guaranteed to either bore you silly, maybe insult your sensibilities, or it’s something that you’re just not gonna be able to believe… because you’re not supposed to believe it.

I know what the rules are… and I know how I feel and why I do. Which thing do you think I’m going to believe the most?

Yeah, not complicated at all.


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Training Wheels

One of the first things and among the many things I heard about “those crazy switch-hitters” was that they went around screwing every- and anything above room temperature. The word was that if you ran into some like this, they were gonna do their best to have sex with you and if you were a guy, you were gonna get turned into a sissy or a very swishy, limp-wristed faggot. It was bad enough that homophobia was “all the rage” and, as such, just standing next to a guy, well, you could feel the nervous energy flowing off of him and his anxiety trying to figure out how to move further away without being too obvious about creating some space.

Still, a lot of guys wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a man and sometimes simply because guys knew what gay men were into and, as many would say, they couldn’t figure out what was so attractive and sexy about it; I’d hear a lot of guys say, “I don’t know why some dude would want to suck another dude’s dick!” – and it would be all I could do not to either laugh or shake my head in sadness to see that they were incapable of making the rather obvious connection. When I’d find myself having The Conversation with a curious kind of guy, the next thing I knew I could expect would come in the form of a question: “How do you do that?”

You might be smiling or even laughing but it’s not a joke and, at least for now, I’m not trying to be funny. If they didn’t ask how to do a thing, they’d ask what they should do… and now it was time to get into the part of the conversation covering baby steps. One of the things I had observed and experienced were guys thinking or believing that diving right in and doing it all was (1) the thing to do and (2) it was easy, only to get disabused and sometimes traumatized to some degree and more so in the situations where a guy would admit he’d never done it like this and it was his first time… and the guy he was talking to pretty much put him through the wringer with all that could be done instead of suggesting that, um, hmm, you know, you might want to start off easy instead of jumping right to having a dick in your ass.

A guy would ask me, “What should I do?” and having heard so many horror stories from other guys, I’d tell them that the best way to proceed is to start with the little things before graduating to the bigger things and beginning with being comfortable with being naked with another man. You might think that this should be a no-brainer and more so when, in school, we had gym together and shared a locker room and even shared a shower room so why wouldn’t a guy be comfortable? It’s different; being naked in the shower room with a bunch of guys isn’t the same as being naked with a guy and you’re about to try to have sex with him. The rampant homophobia played a huge role in ramping up a guy’s sense of modesty and if you could see how many guys would be in the shower after gym – and trying to hide themselves – well, you get the idea.

Once a guy could get comfortable with being naked with another guy, the next thing to get comfortable with is simply touching and being touched… and I’m not even talking about touching each other’s dick at this point. I remember reading, a long time ago, that we wear clothes as a kind of armor and to protect our nakedness… and not just from the elements. Being naked in front of someone can make one feel very vulnerable and can be, in a sexual context, quite scary; touching a guy on his arm is enough to make him break every standing high jump record known to mankind. I’m not necessarily talking about kissing and cuddling but I’ve found it can be… calming just to hold the guy in my arms and nothing more than that since, for a lot of guys, being naked and that close to another guy can be daunting, to be nice about it and even more so if they’ve never been all that comfortable being naked.

Just being close and touching each other is, I think, an important baby step and one that will lend itself to eventually reaching down and touching each other’s cock and balls. Even that’s not a no-brainer of sorts and if you happened to think that touching another guy’s junk is easy – and because you’ve spent some time touching your own – well, no – not always. At this point, I have to back up just a little bit because I realized that I left something out of sequence: A big baby step is to just pull your dick out and start jerking off and with the other guy doing the same thing and you don’t even need to take your clothes off… but I’d advise it. Just seeing another guy’s dick and watching him do something that you also do can go a long way to gaining the comfort that’s needed to do anything else… but making yourself watch what he’s doing can get interesting because of the ancient prohibitions about looking at another man’s body to begin with.

From there, jerking each other off is next baby step… and having another guy’s dick in your hand is probably one of the strangest things a first timer can experience when putting on the training wheels. I don’t know too many of us who hasn’t been with a friend in younger days and playing “Show me” and it didn’t, at some point, get to the, “Can I touch it?” part but, yeah, some guys never experienced this so to find yourself sitting close to another guy and you both are touching each other’s dick, yep, that can be unsettling but after the first touches, it’s not that difficult to get used to. While some guys get to this step and go no further – a boatload of reason why they don’t – now comes the really hard part: When mouth meets dick. With the exception of any guy who has never had his dick sucked, you’d think that those who had wouldn’t feel some kind of way about having a guy’s mouth around his dick… and they do… because it’s another guy.

It can be a polarizing moment and can also get pretty embarrassing and in those situations, that’s usually enough to make a guy not want to experience any of this at all; I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve lowered my head to a guy’s cock… and got shot in the face. Or the other guy is so nervous that he can’t even get hard and that, in particular, is something some guys are very much afraid of, which is why it’s important to get him to relax and breathe and, closing his eyes also works. But, as I’ve written many, many times, having a guy sucking on your dick is one thing… and a whole different animal to attempt to suck his and even when a guy is of a mind that, yeah, he can do this. In my opinion, it is the moment of truth to end all moments of truth and while a lot of guys really do say, “Fuck it!” and go for it, many more have said, “Fuck it… I can’t do this!”

Yeah, it’s not that easy.

The biggest part of putting on a guy’s training wheels doesn’t have anything to do with having sex: It’s talking to him because in order to have sex with him, you have to get past everything he’s been taught, told, and/or believes about this and that’s not even close to being easy and no matter how eager he might be to find out about this. And then, talking to him truthfully and with huge helpings of reality; you have to address his fears and concerns and, even more difficult, taking all of the horror stories he’s probably heard and putting them into perspective. Yes, sometimes, this can go very wrong and I’m not gonna lie to you about that… but I also know how to not make things go wrong and I’ll tell you what I’ve learned. And the most important thing to talk about is: You can stop whenever you want to and without fear of reprisal. There is no pressure to do this and if you can’t or don’t want to, just don’t; this is how the horror stories are born. And you gotta know that if the two of us aren’t going to do anything – and, perhaps, you have someone else in mind – take it to heart that there’s a good chance he’s not going to explain it to you like I’ve been explaining it.

Yeah… a kind of peer pressure does play into this and some guys looking to take a new guy’s cherry in this aren’t so much thinking about the very scared new guy and, I found, forgetting the they, too, had a first time. It’s important to explain, while the training wheels are being installed, that none of this has anything to do with being manly or lacking manliness; guys have been having sex with each other since time immemorial and, no, just because you want to doesn’t ever mean that if you do, you’re going to turn into a gay guy.

Yes – that is a very real concern and one that has to be dealt with. There is so much that goes into a guy putting on his training wheels and more so when this is one of those moments where you really and truly learn that thinking and doing are not the same things. It’s okay to be afraid; it’s okay to be uncertain or to have your confidence take a hike and I will tell you that it’s not as easy as some folks think it is, from just being naked with a guy to actually having sex… and one should never, ever, rush into this. Now, what about the guys who’ve watched gay porn?

Oh, my. I’ve found myself explaining that, yes, if you watch it, you can see pretty much everything two guys can do with and to each other… just don’t get it into your head that because they’re making something look exciting and easy than it really is so I think that the best thing to do is to kinda forget whatever you’ve seen porn stars doing; they’re used to doing things (and get paid for it) and you aren’t; if you see a guy on the screen gulp down a big fat dick, he’s had a lot of practice and experience doing that. Yes, it’s a nice skill to learn… but the first thing you need to learn is whether or not you can put your mouth on another guy’s dick. Don’t even concern yourself with acquiring the taste at this point; taking baby steps with your training wheels firmly attached is still the best way to approach any of this.

Oh… and don’t expect anything other than what might really happen. I’ve found that a lot of guys really screw themselves up because they have a preconceived set of expectations and when they don’t manifest themselves, holy shit. Trying to get a guy to get this out of their head – but also allaying any fears and concerns they have – requires a great deal of patience… and feeding them a lot of crap isn’t going to help them one bit. Does sperm taste nasty? Yes, it can and the way it can feel in your mouth is something else to get used to. But, you don’t have to allow it in your mouth and if you do, you don’t have to swallow it. I’ve had guys ask about this and there’s not that many other things that is… relatable or comparable except brushing your teeth and, believe it or not, having a mouth full of toothpaste and especially the foamy kind. Not really like the real thing but close enough to get an idea; just know that another guy’s spunk isn’t going to taste like Crest or Colgate.

The very and biggest part of any of this is making the decision to put your training wheels on. Wanting to experience it is all well and good… but you also have to think about how it’s going to impact your life and whether you do something or not, which is why one of the first things I impress on a guy is that if you do this, it’s going to change your life… forever… and whether you succeed or fail. My job is to make sure you do not fail… but with the understanding that just like anything else in sex, you’re not always going to get it right and neither is the other guy.

None of this is as “easy” as getting dicks out, making them hard, and making them soft and messy. The only way you’re ever going to find out if this is right or wrong for you is to do it and then you should think – and pardon the pun – long and hard about it. I’ve told guys, “I can tell you everything I know about this and I’m not going to bullshit you or sugar coat any of it; I can tell you what guys I’ve given their first time to has said and experienced and while you may find that helpful, just know that your own experience, if you choose to have it, can be different and might not be what you expected.

One guy asked, “Why am I getting the impression that you’re trying to talk me out of this?”

Because I actually am trying to do just that… and because I know first-hand how any and all of this can, has, and will go wrong. It’s better to take those baby steps with training wheels on than it is to dive right in and find out that you’re now in way over your head and there is absolutely no shame in taking your time with this. There is no shame in chickening out and don’t let anyone convince you that there is. The hard truth is that some guys take to this like the proverbial duck to water… and some guys just can’t. The truth is that it can take a guy a few times, with fits and starts, before they find that (1) they can do this and (2) they like it… and some guys find that no matter how many times they try this, they just don’t like it.

At some point, the training wheels will come off… and they should only come off when you’re ready to take them off. When you’re thinking about this, don’t focus so much on what, how, or even who: Focus on why you want to this; what’s going on with you that has you thinking and feeling that you need a set of training wheels to begin with? You’re gonna hear a lot of shit about this that, truthfully, is only partially true and it’s going to be very damned important to let any fears that develop mess with your head. The risks are real and that’s a fact… and I’ll tell you how to avoid a lot of them… but you’d probably be surprised at the number of guys who are convinced that if they just touch another man’s dick, they’re gonna catch something nasty and, again, I’m not being funny about this.

A guy asked, “Have you ever caught anything from another guy?”

“No… because I’m smarter than that,” I said. “If I have the slightest doubt about a guy, I won’t do anything with him and no matter how badly I might want to or he does… and that includes any doubts he puts in my head just by what he’s saying.”

When in doubt, do nothing. Think first, then act if you must… or if you can. If you can’t, don’t worry about it and above all else, protect yourself at all times and, yes, even with someone you think you know well because if I’ve learned nothing else about having sex with men, they are too subject to change once their dick gets hard.


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Waiting for the World to Change – A Continuation

Had a brief chat with Cityman late last night and he was rather philosophical talking about the amount of time it might take for the world to accept male bisexuality and bisexuality as a whole…

And I asked him – and to paraphrase myself – “Why wait for the world to get its head out of its own ass about this when you can easily do something with a guy today?”

I pointed out to him that he didn’t need society’s permission or approval to have sex with other guys and that there are a lot of guys who aren’t sitting back and waiting for an approval or permission that won’t be given any time soon. Yes, it would be nice if the world, as a whole, would just stop bugging about bisexuality and definitely stop giving men a raft of shit over wanting and needed to get some dick but the facts of the matter are that guys have been doing this since forever and without approval or permission.

As I chatted with him, I thought about all the stuff I tend to see on Twitter; it’s good that so many people are speaking out in favor of bisexuality but sometimes it seems like some of them are waiting for approval and permission to do something that, if they’re not already throwing it down this way, they very much want to but the continuing social stigma is keeping them on the bench and, often, giving voice to how badly they feel or are made to feel instead of just going ahead and doing whatever it is they need to do in this.

If they’re really and truly waiting for that approval and permission so they can partake of the intimacy they desire, I’m thinking they’re going to be waiting for a very, very long time. At this point, it’s not as if the rest of the world is truly ignorant of the fact that bisexuals exist and not like it was really and truly that much of a secret to begin with. One would think that since it took us so damned long to get our collective heads around homosexuality, we would have learned from that great cluster fuck and be more of a mind to squash the dumb shit surrounding bisexuality and keep it moving but, nope – that would be too much like right, wouldn’t it?

Cityman and I are waxing philosophically and as the conversation continued, I kept thinking about that cartoon with the two vultures sitting on a cactus and one says, “Patience my ass…” and it still makes me laugh but it’s also relevant to the topic of bisexuality because, again, if you’re bi or leaning that way and you’re patiently waiting for the world to change, guess what you’re not going to be doing any time soon?

Thoughts about biphobia and bi-erasure surfaced for a moment and, as it tends to do, had me thinking and wondering if the people who are so fearful about this would better spend their time doing the stuff that they’re so worried about being rejected out of hand. I could go on for days on end about biphobia and bi-erasure… or I could spend that time and energy making guys – and gals – cum. Hmm, I wonder which thing makes more sense and which thing is more fun than the other?

Now, it’s not as if “everyone” is going to embrace bisexuality; that’s so unrealistic and way too pie in the sky since it just isn’t for everyone but it’s like I told Cityman at the end of our conversation: The only approval and permission you need is… your own. I was tempted to ask him if he – and all the other bisexuals – needed a permission slip to be the way they want and/or need to be… but that would have been rather snarky for me to say so I didn’t… but, again, if you listen to what a lot of other bisexuals are saying and “complaining” about, maybe they do need a permission slip?

After our conversation, I sighed to myself and once again thought that we just make this harder than it has to be and for no good reason. I hear more negative shit from bisexuals than I do positive things and the negatives follow the same school of thought and as close to being repeated verbatim as humanly possible. Without a doubt, there will always be people who will find reason to have a beef with bisexuality and bisexuals… and I still can’t figure out for the life of me why we’re still listening to them when, again, our time, efforts, and energy would be better spent working on being the best bisexual we can be and making it work for us in the best possible ways.

I remember someone saying to me, “If you ask me, I think it’s fucked up for you to go both ways!” and I shot back, “Nobody asked you, did they? I don’t remember asking you what you thought about it – and I’m very sure that I don’t answer to you nor do I have to explain myself to you.” They didn’t like my response and I didn’t give a shit that they didn’t like it and even told them that all they could do was not like the fact that I’m bisexual. They walked away in a huff and I just shook my head over hearing this bullshit again… and an hour or so later, I was happily naked with a guy and we were sucking each other silly. It didn’t matter that so many people shared the “it’s fucked up” opinion but what did matter was that we both wanted and needed to do this and, you know, being consenting adults and all that, that’s what we did.

Because we could. Just boys being boys albeit grown up ones. Neither of us minded so it didn’t matter, to butcher that mind over matter thing. It wasn’t about being romantically involved with each other or anything like that but, simply, we were both horny and had agreed to get together and do something about that. I don’t know what he did after I left but I went home… and got some pussy because why the hell not? The sex is right at the core of bisexuality and, yeah, that tends to fuck up the minds of many because, I dunno, it seems fucked up for someone to want sex from both side of the coin.

Given that I’ve been this way over the majority of my life, um, I’m not of a mind to wait on the world to make up it’s prudish and fickle mind over something that I’ve been doing over the majority of my life. Yes, I understand that others do have reason to put their sexuality on hold and even for the duration… but one of the things I have good reason to understand is that life really is way too short to keep putting off things you could do today and setting them aside while waiting for the world to change and give its global permission and approval. Yeah… not of a mind to do that.

And, yeah, for real, homosexuals didn’t stop being homosexual during their struggles against those who were trying to eradicate them. While some were out there and being all in society’s face about being gay, many more were keeping it to themselves and between only those people who had, in their view, a need to know… and bisexuality hasn’t been any different in that regard. I though about all the pro-bisexuality people who are insisting that we all come out and thought that, um, hmm, the fact that you’re even mentioning and suggesting that we do this should tell the non-believers that we are very much real. Then I thought that, hmm, I’m having a bit of a hard time remembering the last time I actually read some pushback about bisexuality, you know, how immoral it was and people preaching about what God had to say about it and the usual forms of righteous indignation… and the last time I actually did read something, it came from the LGBTQ+ neck of the woods and their ongoing internal cluster fuck about bisexuals really being a part of their agenda… but that wasn’t anything new.

Recalled a tweet where someone – again – accused straight folks for being the sole source of great resistance to bisexuality and thought, well, that’s not actually true since I know – and, as always, even if no one else does – that I have personally run across homosexuals who hated my guts because I was bisexual and some of them made it their business to let me know how much they despised me. I often get the impression that there are more people who don’t give a fuck if you’re bi than there are those who are pitching a bitch about it… except those who are pitching a bitch are going to get the most attention… except, in this and for them, being the squeaky wheel isn’t going to get them any oil and I still feel that the only reason they’re being squeaky wheels is because the have seen the writing on the wall – again – that says that what they believe in isn’t the whole truth of things.

I can understand how upsetting that is for them, to find out that the way they think things should be isn’t the way it’s always been and, as such, they were lied to or, accurately, fed incorrect information and, yep, while a lot of people have and are adjusting their thinking accordingly, many aren’t and, well, that’s amazing and continues to say some stuff about the power of belief.

If you’re waiting for the world to change, I do hope that you’re not holding your breath on this one.


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Trendy or Kinky?

I was thinking about this yesterday but was too lazy to write about it when I thought about it. I had been swiping through Twitter and saw something about trends for bisexual men and women and my brain “woke up” and started doing its thing and making a bunch of connections until it got to a moment when being bisexual was considered to be trendy and kinky. My brain also included the raft of shit bisexual women wind up being subjected to and accused of faking bisexuality just to get a man’s attention. While some women could be found guilty of putting on a show for guys – like being in the club and “necking” with girls enough to make someone tell them to get a room, it’s this particular kind of stuff that (1) lends itself to bisexuality being seen as trendy and kinky and (2) makes it a living nightmare for true bisexual women.

My brain asked me, “Yo… do you remember that time when Cityman was talking about how trendy it is to be male and bisexual?”

I thought back, “Yeah, I remember him saying that and we had quite the talk about it – so what?”

My brain chose not to answer the question but I was thinking about what “kinky” connotates and why it does and a rough draft kind of thought was that, yeah, bisexuality does kinda qualify as being kinky since it involves sex and intimacy that’s outside what we consider to be normal – and that includes the normalcy of how homosexuals go about these things… but the stigma against male homosexual sex in any form still hangs around and, as such, isn’t seen as kinky or trendy:

It’s still just plain nasty but sex between two gay men doesn’t seem to get people shitting themselves like sex between two guys who aren’t gay does. In any case, being bisexual is neither trendy nor kinky but I’ll even admit that being bisexual can be a gateway to those things that are truly considered to be kinky, like threesomes and other forms of group sex – but only women get a pass in these things and something that gives a lot of bisexual women nightmares and makes them being bisexual a lot more difficult and, nope, guys don’t make the situation any better since a lot of us think it’s very damned kinky to see two women making love.

We say this and women get miffed and let us know how much they don’t appreciate the sentiment but the reality is that it might not be kinky in that sense but it is very damned erotic just the same. Having said that, there are probably those who’d say that this is trendy and kinky because, for one, there’s a lot of men and women “coming out” as bisexual and in such numbers that it could be seen as a trend and, for something else, it’s kinky because it’s not boy/girl sex and in the way it’s supposed to be.

My brain dug around in the archives and pulled out a moment when I was talking to a woman who was lamenting about her inability to find a decent kind of guy and, to be honest, I couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t anymore than she could; she had a lot of admirable qualities that should have had guys all over her like a bad habit. As we talked about this, she had said, “I bet if I told some dude that I also liked girls, they’d be interested then, huh?”

“Probably,” I had said. “But guys can be really funny about that and similar to how women are funny about guys who also like guys.” At this point, I kinda wanted to ask her if she did like girls but decided not to because if she did, it wasn’t any of my business and wasn’t germane to the conversation all that much.

But she said, “If that’s what I gotta do, I guess I gotta do it.”

That statement alarmed me greatly; I said to her, “If that’s not the way you really feel about other women, you might not want to even go there – that would be a mistake.”

She kinda shrugged off what I’d said and came back with, “Why not? Other women do it and it is kinky, isn’t it? It gets them a man, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it probably does… but for all the wrong reasons,” I said. “The only reason why you should even think about getting into other women is that’s how you really feel deep down inside; otherwise, you’re just faking the funk and giving men the wrong impression about you. I know there’s been a kind of trend going on where some women are doing stuff like this and, yeah, it might even be kinky for them… but that’s not what being bisexual is about.”

“And you know this how?” she asked.

“You’re a smart woman,” was all I said.

She sat and thought for a moment – then her eyes got really wide as the connection was made in her brain… and said, “No shit? I wouldn’t have thought that you were that kinky!”

“I am kinky… but being bisexual doesn’t make me kinky,” I said. “If anything, being this way has taught me that it’s not as kinky as people seem to think it is and it sure isn’t some kind of a trend; it just is what it has always been. Being kinky is kinda about doing things in an unconventional way and, yeah, you could say getting busy with a guy is pretty unconventional but the truth is that it really isn’t. Neither is two women getting together and having that kind of fun with each other. It’s not about being trendy and getting into this because other women are and, I don’t mean to offend you or anything like that but if you knew what I know about this, you wouldn’t see it as being kinky, either.”

“If you thought or felt that being into girls was or is something you need to do – and for yourself – then there’s nothing trendy or kinky about it; it’s how you feel and then it’s all about what you do about those feelings. But if you’re thinking about doing it just to get a man? That’s a mistake and at some point, you’re gonna be “forced” to shit or get off the pot and show him how “kinky” you are with women and if you’re not leaning in that direction to begin with, wow – you’re gonna have a problem you won’t want to have and more so if you think having sex with a woman is easy.”

“Maybe not,” she admitted. “Does it help that I think it’s kinky?”

“Maybe and I don’t blame you for thinking that it is because two women making love to each other is unconventional and outside of the norm,” I said with a shrug. “But I still think it would be a mistake to get into this to attract a guy to you or you’re of a mind that doing so is just kinky sex… because being bisexual is no joke to anyone who really is.”

“It’s just sex, ain’t it?” she asked.

“It’s that… and a whole lot more,” I said. “This is some life-changing shit. Sure… the sex is, hmm, well, exciting; it’s different but not all that much and it can be very satisfying but it’s not what you do – it’s why you’re doing whatever and doing it because it’s trendy – other women are doing this to get a man – or because it’s a kinky way to have sex, well, I know from experience that some folks who have approached bisexuality like this have wound up regretting that they did… because this is way deeper than just having sex.”

And that sentiment to her pretty much sums it up. People are gonna look at bisexuality as being trendy and kinky because they think it is because it is outside of convention and the pervading and persistent school of thought that people are either straight or gay. Even if one was to accept that, okay, this bisexual thing is some real shit, it’s still not trendy or kinky so much even though some bisexuals do think of being bisexual as being kinky; the word covers a multitude of things that tends to get lumped together. Like, I don’t think threesomes of any kind are all that kinky but many people do. Women making love to each other? Exciting, humbling, just so horribly sensual and erotic… but not kinky at all. Guys doing it to each other? Also sensual and erotic but this aspect is just too hard to be seen, let alone appreciated since, well, you already know why. Still not trendy; still not kinky.

Just an aspect of human sexuality that we consider to be unconventional and outside of established norms. It gets seen as being trendy because, I think, so many people are, again, “coming out” as bisexual and in droves, not because they think it’s some really kinky shit but because they’ve accepted the reality of themselves; they’re bisexual and admit that they are to themselves and even to others. But even this isn’t so much of a trend since, as I keep saying, bisexuals have been around as long as humans have been around – it’s just a new “trend” that there are so many bisexuals being “seen” these days versus not really “seeing” them or paying them much attention in the past.

And, besides: Being kinky doesn’t have anything to do with sexuality. We don’t consider being straight as trendy and we don’t consider being gay as trendy – it’s just the way some people are… but bisexuality in anyone is often looked at in the way because, yep, people aren’t supposed to be greedy like that and want both for any reason. The “bad news” is that until we, collectively, stop looking at being bisexual as unconventional and outside of the norm, there are those who will continue to attach the words “trendy” and “kinky” to bisexuality.


Posted by on 29 April 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Getting Outed

Oooh… I remember the first time I got outed. See, what had happened was that this guy and I decided, after meeting each other by chance, that, well, okay, he had come right out and said that he wanted to do it with a guy and asked if I’d be interested… and I said no because, dude, we just met a couple of minutes ago and asked him why I’d even want to. It wasn’t that I was playing hard to get or anything like that but I had learned some hard and important lessons about just jumping into bed with anyone without a whole lot of information.

Over the next couple of weeks, the guy – let’s call him “George” – took every opportunity he had to convince me that his desire to have sex with me was genuine; I’d ask him questions, he’d answer them and, get this, even provided references that allowed me to know that he’d been with a few guys I knew… because I’d been with them, too. Still, it was a matter of it sounds too good to be true, dig deeper and find out what’s really going on and after spending another week digging into George, well, shit – he was the real deal. I’d made up my mind that the next time he asked, I I was gonna agree but hadn’t let him know that because I was kinda having fun doing stuff like pulling his dick out and stroking it and other blatant hints and innuendos that, if nothing else, spoke to his sense of humor and other aspects of who he was.

But the day came and got into it… and it was everything he said it would be and that I had thought it might be. In fact, we spent three straight days getting together and having mad crazy sex with each other and we both agreed that not only did we get along well with our clothes on, we were very good when we were naked and bringing the noise to each other. No pressure, no sense of needing to commit to anything other than if we were hanging out and one of us wanted to do it, we just could and after that initial rush of lust-slaking, if we saw each other, we did and if we didn’t, not really a problem.

Until it became one. I was walking down the hallway at school during class change, my mind on “forgetting” what had gotten loaded into my brain in the last class so I could think about what was gonna get loaded in the next class when a girl I didn’t know stopped me and asked, “Aren’t you the guy George is having sex with?”

I was shocked and stunned but recovered enough to ask her, “Who are you and what are you talking about?” Come to find out that she was George’s girlfriend and she came right out and said that she wasn’t mad at him or me for balling (what we called it back then) but she wanted me to know that George was telling every guy he knew about what the two of us were doing! Of course, I hadn’t been aware of that… until she said it and went on to class… and there were quite a few guys giving me looks that made me very uncomfortable and looks that let me know that what George’s girlfriend had told me was the truth.

Then to make things even worse, a “bunch of guys” cornered me at lunch time and was giving me the business, some good, some not so good and relating things to me that told me that the only way they would and could have known some details about me was if George told them. I was embarrassed… and furious. One asshole grabbed my butt and said he wanted to find out if George was right when he said my ass felt as good as a girl’s pussy… and I open-palmed him in the face and knocked him out – and I hadn’t even been aware that my hand had even moved. Well, a couple of the other guys took offense to their friend lying unconscious on the ground with a broken nose and decided to show their displeasure… and joined their friend on the ground and in a lot of pain.

Which got me suspended for two weeks and, yep, having to explain to my mom why I got suspended for fighting; I told her a, um, modified version of what really happened and just the part where some guy grabbed my butt and I just hit him and, well, I got suspended. That was bad enough and George was very fortunate that my suspension from school got me grounded for those two weeks; I had spent that time planning some very nasty shit to do to George for breaking the “I won’t tell if you won’t” rule… and then I knew that I’d have to face the music once I went back to school and, yeah, it was bad. The only good things that happened was, one, not everyone who knew me believed what was being said; those who did were sympathetic to my plight and one guy said, “If I had known he was chasing after you, I would have warned you because it’s not the first time he’s ever ratted on a guy he had sex with.”

That would have been good to know. I had to deal with the idiots calling me a faggot – and being all loud about it – and it took a lot of restraint I didn’t know I had to not get into any more fights, not because I didn’t think those assholes didn’t deserve to get fucked up but because there was nothing I could think of to tell my mom why, after being suspended for two weeks, I got suspended again my first day back in school… and what she’d do to me if I did get suspended. That first day back was the worst day I ever had at school and that included the whole three years I went there… but in my mind, all of that was going to pale in comparison to what was gonna happen when I caught up with George who was, with very good reason, hiding and avoiding me.

The good news is that he slipped up and I caught up with him. The bad news, for George, was he discovered that pain wasn’t something he liked a whole lot as well as discovering that his fighting skills weren’t even close to my own and found out that I hadn’t been lying to him when I said that I was a student of both judo and karate. I was furiously beyond furious and after beating him into submission – and beginning to feel shitty about that – I asked him, “Why? Why would you tell everyone what we’d been doing? Do you have any idea of the shit I had to put up with because you couldn’t keep your goddamned mouth shut?”

He never really answered me other than (1) asking me not to hit him and (2) apologizing profusely for his indiscretion. I didn’t hit him again but I also didn’t accept his apologies and more so when, during the time I was running him to ground, I had learned that George had ratted out every guy he’d had sex with, not so much in a mean way but, as one guy told me, he had figured out that George was so much into this and so excited about it that he just had to let everyone he knew know the guys he was having such great sex with and in great detail. During that time I ran into other victims of George’s big mouth and was surprised that no one had put the word out on him for being a blabbermouth and guilty of the “crime” of kissing and telling and, of course, consistently violating the “I won’t tell if you won’t” code.

My time in the spotlight mercifully passed quickly and things settled down; rumor was that George transferred to another school and his girlfriend confirmed this and that fact that because I had given him a nasty beating, his parents forced him to tell the truth about why he’d gotten beaten up so badly and, according to her, what his parents did about that wasn’t pretty. “You did him a favor just beating him up,” she had said.

And I didn’t feel sorry for him one bit. My secret was out throughout the school but no one was of a mind to fuck with me about it because, as the saying goes, the only thing faster than the speed of light is gossip and most of the school knew that George had run into someone who kicked his ass something fierce… and the people who knew me, of course, knew who and why George got his head handed to him. I’d have to say that the other good thing that came out of this was the school bullies must’ve “gotten together” and decided that I wasn’t someone they should pick on and my situation did introduce me to other guys and gals who were bisexual like me.

The question I had to ask myself was did I really care who knew I wasn’t straight but not gay either. I did… and not so much. I wasn’t so much worried about anyone wanting to fight me for being a “queer-ass faggot” – my reputation as one of those quiet people you didn’t want to mess with had been confirmed even though it didn’t stop some kids from looking at me funny whenever they saw me. Ah, man… those first couple of weeks back in school were bad and I’d gone from dismissing the allegations and other forms of, well, lying, to just “shrugging it off” as it’s just the way I am and you were either okay with it or you weren’t. I lost quite a few friends because of George but because of him, I was learning who my real friends were and who wasn’t.

Someone would come up to me and ask if it was true I went both ways and I’d just say, “Yeah – what about it?” The good thing was that, um, it got me laid a lot and another good thing was that if someone was, in today’s terms, throwing shade my way about it, I just didn’t give a fuck about it and more so when, if they wanted to do something about it, all they had to do was put their hands up and to bring friends to help them… a whole lot of friends.

Let’s jump ahead a whole lot of years and to the day when I ran into George. By this time, I had forgotten about him and the fact that he had outed me like he did; I hadn’t seen him since the day I had caught up with him and whupped his ass and, being honest, I’d forgotten what he looked like. I was in the bank depositing my paycheck and noticed that there was this guy in the other line who kept looking at me; I looked back at him and something in the back of my mind said that he looked familiar but didn’t know why he did – maybe I’d seen him at this bank before? But he kept looking and staring at me and, yeah, I’m staring at him trying to think of why he was staring at me. I got to the teller, handled my business, and was on my way out when the guy who’d was staring so hard at me stopped me and asked,
“I’m sorry to have been staring at you… but do I know you? You look very familiar to me! Did we go to the same school or something like that?”

The moment he asked that, who the guy was slammed into my head so hard I felt lightheaded for a moment: This was George! I took a really hard and close look at his face and, holy shit – he still had the scar over his left eye where I had punched him and opened up a good sized cut over that eye! Man… talk about a very awkward moment! We stood there in the parking lot just standing there before he ended the awkward silence by saying, “I thought it was you… and I’m glad it was you because I really do owe you an apology and an explanation.”

“No need for that,” I said – and I meant it. I didn’t feel any animosity toward him. “That shit happened a long time ago and, honestly, I’d forgotten all about it.”

“I never did,” he said, absently or deliberately rubbing the scar over his eye. “I was pretty fucked up as a person when we were in school and, well, I just hadn’t learned to keep some things to myself. Let me buy you lunch?”

I agreed and more so because I had planned on eating lunch after going to the bank anyway… and a part of me now wanted to know why he had outed me and other guys. Over the next forty-five minutes, he explained that one of the things about him that, after our… incident, made happen was him going into therapy about his sexual habits but more for not having that mechanism in place to not run his mouth about things that discretion called for. He said that he’d gotten into a lot of trouble for being a tattletale for most of his life and had no real awareness of how much trouble it caused the people he’d tattle on, from family to friends, well, what friends he had left.

I sat and listened to him and realized that if I hadn’t felt sorry for him all those years ago, I felt sorry for him now – still didn’t feel bad about kicking his ass, though. I told him that I had survived the rest of my time in school and had put the incident behind me and even admitted that, because of him, I was no longer hiding the fact that I was bisexual; if someone asked, I’d tell them and if they didn’t like it, they just didn’t like it. I did tell him that I lost a lot of friends because of what he did but it let me know who my real friends were if it did nothing else. He asked me if I could find it in my heart to forgive him and, well, I forgave him but also told him that now that I remembered everything, it was something I was never going to forget.

“I understand,” he said. “I’m just glad we ran into each other because I’ve spent a lot of time tracking the other guys down and apologizing to them.”

“That’s good,” I said. “Better late than never, I guess.” The moment got awkward again and I looked at my watch and said it was time for me to get back to work. That was the last time I saw him. In a way, I kinda have to thank George for being a blabbermouth because it made me decide that it served me no real purpose to hide the fact that I was – am – bisexual. It allowed me to adopt the position that, I’d learn later, don’t ask, don’t tell was a very good way to go about things and that while there were people I’d want to know that I’m bisexual, there were many more who didn’t need to know… and then be okay with myself about that decision and one that I have no reason to ever change. If someone wanted to fuck with me about it, I’d just ignore them because I had learned that nothing anyone could say or do would change the fact that I’m bisexual and very happy to be this way. Sure, I’d still get into arguments about it, wound up losing some friends over the fact that they couldn’t accept my sexuality and there was nothing to be done about it.

“”To each his own,” said the woman ask she kissed the cow,” one of the saying my mother was very fond of saying that would make me laugh but also lent itself to an important life lesson that I’ve been mindful of or, as it’s said, opinions are like assholes – everyone has one. Some of them matter, many of them just don’t. I got outed in the worst environment imaginable: High school. Changed the way I dealt with myself and my sexuality forever.

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Posted by on 24 April 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Inaccurate Stereotypes

The clip on Twitter, without preamble, began with a view of a rather long dick snaking its way in and out of a woman; both the woman and the unseen owner of the dick were Black. A few seconds after the clip began, the guy overstrokes in the pussy and falls out of it… and, first, a Black hand grabs it… then the head of a Black male appears in the frame and starts sucking the dick that had vacated the pussy… and homey is going for what he knows. The clip ends with the unknown Black male still sucking the dick before starting over again.

The very next clip contains more Blacks; one man working his dick into a woman’s pussy and another Black man somehow right in there with the action and licking the woman’s pussy as the dick is doing its in and out thing and, occasionally, giving the dick a few licks. The next clip after this one, again with Blacks as the stars of the show, shows one guy working inside the woman’s pussy… while a second guy is wreaking havoc on her clit at the same time and he, too, takes a moment to include the dick in his licking.

And I’m sitting there watching these three clips and wondering – and definitely not for the first time – where the rumor/stereotype that all Blacks are homophobic came from… and why there are some people who still continue to believe it. Oh, and including the one that says that Black men don’t eat pussy – let’s not forget this one! As someone who was raised to be color-blind, these things tend to either make me laugh or do a lot of frowning because while it’s probably safe to assume that these stereotypes do have some truth to them, um, yeah, no – not all that much. After that NY Times article came out and declaring bisexuality to be real, not too long afterward I read a rather extensive piece that attempted to qualify and quantify bisexuality and one that included the rumor/myth that there were no Black male bisexuals and, I thought, based on the stereotype that all Blacks are homophobic.

It is to note that in many of the things I’ve read, none of them have ever said, stated, or implied that there’s no such animal as a Black female bisexual and the likely culprit for this omission could be that bisexual women – all of them – tend to get a pass and a pat on the butt for being bisexual while being portrayed as victims of domestic violence and other maladies due to their choice in sexuality. As a kind of rebuttal – and for lack of a better word – I’ve read a lot of stuff about Black bisexuals written by Blacks of some authority or expertise, some who are, themselves, bisexual and some who might be or just aren’t. While a lot of those offerings do mention the “all Blacks are homophobic” thing, those offerings do seek to debunk the myth since – and I’ll say it like this – we know that not all of us are homophobic. Some of those offerings sought to remove a well-known stigma, that being, if you’re Black and bisexual, you’re just not on the down-low – you own it, giving rise to a great many Black women losing their minds over those down-low motherfuckers who are blatantly, carelessly, and callously putting their lives in danger…

And more so when it was (and still is) being said that men on the DL are a clear and present danger to the women they’d have sex with. Interlaced with so many Black women pitching a bitch about Black male bisexuals were quite a few women who, themselves, admitted to being bisexual but inferring and insisting that this was different… even when some of them were also residents of the down-low.

Now, clearly and obviously, bisexuality isn’t a race issue… but I don’t recall reading anywhere that there are no such critters as Caucasian male bisexuals; those poor guys tend to be accused of being gay more than anything else and, of course, they’re not the only males on the planet being accused as such. A “new” set of myths and stereotypes got created when I read somewhere that the predominant demographic areas for rampant bisexuality were urban areas with large Black populations although, in my own experiences and observations, that’s not the only area where “rampant” bisexuality is going on. Things like poor education and poverty level statuses were mentioned and, my god, where are the people writing this crap getting it from? Again, in my own experiences and observations, bisexuality has no such boundaries and no one is immune or exempt from being bitten by the bisexuality bug.

The inaccurate stereotypes and other misinformation has always made me laugh my ass off… or, again, frown a lot because, duh, I’m Black and bisexual and I grew up with Black males and females – and those of other ethnicities – who were very bisexual. I even remember being in a conversation with some white friends of mine and one of them said, with an air of authority and certainty, that Black men didn’t eat pussy… and I asked him, “Who told you that lie? I eat pussy… and I know a lot of Black guys who do, too!”

We got to talking about the stereotypes we were hearing, like white guys eat pussy, white girls suck dick but Blacks don’t engage in oral sex at all… and I was sure they couldn’t understand why I spent most of this conversation laughing so hard that my sides were hurting and when we got to the “all Blacks are homophobic” part of this long-time joke, well, I lost it and was very concerned about how hard it was for me to breathe while literally on the ground and laughing like crazy. When I had finally managed to (1) stop laughing and (2) get off the ground, one of the participants asked, “Well, how do you know?”

And my response was, “How do you think I know?” – then started laughing again. This particular group of us – and over an extended period of time – started setting the record straight about those inaccurate stereotypes and misinformation; our little focus group was made up of both males and females, Black, white, and Hispanic and, um, along the way, ah, we definitively proved that those particular stereotypes were pure and unadulterated bullshit and given the high IQs of those in the group, we came to the conclusion that this was just the people keeping this shit alive being… stupid. That, for me, was way back in 1970, my first year in high school. We agreed that there were all kinds of people who didn’t suck dick, eat pussy, and were very homophobic and we, again, pointed to the ignorance of “the moral majority” who seemed to be the reason why this silliness existed and that instead of looking at these things on a “case by case” basis, it was just easier to let the stereotypes be the facts of the matter and just lumping everyone into a bunch and calling it a day.

And along the line, well, er, um, uh, we proved that there are both boys and girls among us who did, in fact, go both ways and they weren’t gay, either and the two people – one guy, one gal – who were gay (and none of us knew that they were before they admitted it) did join in our quest to shed light on the stupid stereotypes of the time… and stereotypes that continue to exist today and almost a half-century later from that watershed and landmark moment in 1970. We had lots of sex but, importantly, exposed the myths and stereotypes as the bullshit they really are… and had fun doing learning how things really works when it came to love, sex, and even relationships since the interracial ones had finally and firmly stepped into the light about that time as well.

I’m 100% on board with the many people around the world who are letting it be known that they’re bisexual and in whatever way they’re letting it be known but the stupid stereotypes continue to exist just the same. A whole lot of years later, I found myself having a similar discussion with some folks and we’d gotten into our very tribal and inherent fear of the other or, as one guy accurately said, “We’ve always been like if you’re not with us, you’re against us and if you’re not like us, ditto.” Profound words and words that pretty much nailed it all down and this particular group of mature, intelligent adults declared that, well, some people are just stupid… and continue to wallow in their abject ignorance and based upon some shit that does have some basis in fact… but not totally so.

I watched those three clips I mentioned, my brain got to thinking about it and dredged up a more recent memory of something I read… somewhere that only served to keep the idiotic stereotypes alive and well; I recalled the thing I’d read and asked myself – and as I did when I first read it – “Where has this fool been? Under a rock? A deserted island? Or are they just out of touch with reality?”

Even my protégé, Cityman – who is quite the white guy – has asked, “When are we gonna learn that race and other shit doesn’t mean shit when it comes to bisexuality?”

When indeed? I sit and read things and the fight against the angst and stereotypes are coming from all walks of life; the issues are universal in that bisexuals from all walks of life are fighting against the same things, like mental health and the other bugaboos those who are continuing their futile smear campaign keeps throwing in everyone’s face. More women than men have been standing up and letting every- and anyone who cares to listen that if they wanna be bisexual, there isn’t a damned thing wrong with that and, frankly, if you don’t like it, it sucks to be you. I think – and from what I’ve been seeing – more men are lending their voices in similar ways, like one Black guy put on Twitter some time ago that we – Black male bisexuals – are not only real but we’ve always been a part of the bisexual reality.

I sit and read things… and it’s a good thing but, at the same time, it’s not so good in that if today’s bisexuals have one major and shared problem, it’s that they keep listening to those folks who, again futilely, insist that bisexuality isn’t real at all. They do keep up the fight to debunk those stupid stereotypes and this is good… but not so good because what we’re really doing is trying to convince an “audience” who continues their abject disbelief that we are what we say we are… and I’m thinking that maybe we shouldn’t be letting them goad us into defending something that, as human rights go, doesn’t need defending so much and I will once again point to the fact that the attempt to vilify and eradicate homosexuality failed miserably… and the attempt to vilify and eradicate bisexuality is, by leaps and bounds, also utterly and miserably failing.

I read – and had someone tell me – that if you’re bisexual and you’re not joining other bisexuals in defending their right to be bisexual, you’re just contributing to biphobia and instead of being a part of the solution, you’re just being part of the problem and, at least for myself, this is one of those eye-rolling things because I have the right not to listen or buy into that which I see as being dumb shit and maybe it’s just me but I know that phobias are described as irrational fears and, yeah, for those suffering from a phobia, it’s very real to them. The stupid stereotypes, myths, and misconceptions are still running around all over the place and the people spouting them are doing whatever they can do to (a) keep them alive and (b) draw attention to them and themselves in a vain attempt to keep their own skewed beliefs alive and, I think, because it’s the only thing they can do…

And they say we’re in denial about some shit? When I read or hear someone in 2021 say something that I heard way back in the 1960s – that all Blacks are homophobic – you should see the look I get on my face; it wasn’t true in the 1960s (or any time before that) and it’s not true today. Again, I watched those three clips and, welp, if the participants I saw were homophobic, I’m thinking we all should be homophobic like that. A fourth clip I saw later was a serious close-up of a Black man with his dick buried in another Black man’s backside… and the woman participating was giving the guy being fucked one hell of a blow job… and the camera panned down to reveal a Black woman eating the living daylights out of the woman sucking dick.

Homophobic. Yep. Sure they are. One of the things I know is that even Black folks like keeping this particular stereotype alive and well… and some of them are about as homophobic as I am. I know all too well – and have witnessed too many times – where Black folks, publicly, with uphold the stereotypes and be rather proud about owning them but privately? Yeah, not so much. We – Black folks in particular – don’t own the DL; it’s an equal opportunity place for people to visit when, in truth, they don’t want anyone else finding out what they’re doing and sexuality has nothing to do with it and more so when you consider that almost all acts of infidelity are committed and performed on the down-low. True enough, bad things happen on the down-low… but they also happen outside of the down-low, too and, more often than not, out in the open where they can be observed by one and all.

The stereotypes do have some basis in fact… but are not the real facts of the matter. Not everyone believes them but those who do, well, they just do and it makes you wonder why they’d continue to believe and propagate them when the evidence that says they’re bullshit, always have been bullshit and always will be bullshit is quite evident… and then grow the fuck up enough to get into their rather thick skulls that bisexuality isn’t about race, color, creed, financial or educational status and is real as anything else is when it comes to one very clear and proven thing:

It’s about being human. Some of us are just… happy to believe in some shit that has never been true and if there’s something to be very concerned about at both the moral and social levels, I’m thinking this is the thing that we should be very worried about: Our ongoing habit and tendency to believe in something that isn’t true at all and our inability to accept some very real and certain truths about humans.

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Posted by on 23 April 2021 in Uncategorized


Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Way Past Theory

A man tells his spouse that he has an interest in sex with men and what it feels like to suck a man’s cock and taste his cum. Then he says that he’d not want to have this sex with another man but he needs to answer the question for himself.

And I’m thinking that while it’s all well and good to entertain such thoughts and put one’s imagination to work in an attempt to determine whether or not it’s going to be a good and pleasurable thing to do, I’m also thinking that there’s only one way to find out if it’s as all that and as one might think.

You can get some good and “bad” information from other male cock suckers; you can also get both good and bad info from guys who want to be a sucker of cocks but, well, they aren’t, either yet or will never be. Everyone has an opinion about it, whether it’s based upon fact and experience or whatever thoughts they have about it but, again, if a guy wants to know what it feels like to suck a guy’s dick and seek to acquire the taste – and then determine if it’s to his liking…

Find a dick to suck. Some men will go on for days on end telling you how incredibly difficult or how damned near impossible it is to find a cock to suck. Some men will go on for days on end telling you how very dangerous it is to (a) suck cock and (b) especially the cock of a guy you don’t really know a whole lot about. A lot of guys will look at statistics and either take them at face value or put their own spin on what the statistics mean… and then assume that the worst case scenario will happen to them. In this and being an expert in statistical analysis, I happen to know how easy it is to make the data say anything you want it to say to get the results that you want; it’s not that such data are flawed or incomplete but it’s a matter of interpretation… and the guys who say cock sucking is dangerous is, often, interpreting the data observed the wrong way.

At some point, a man who wants to suck dick and consume sperm has to find a way past theory and speculation and resolve to find out for himself what other men are so terribly fascinated about when it comes to cock sucking. I can – and have – tell anyone who wants to know what it feels like to suck dick; what’s going on inside my head before, during, and after the fact and I can definitely tell you what sperm tastes and feels like once it gets into my mouth and to be as thorough as possible, I can tell you what I like about that part and what I don’t like all that much and the only thing you really know is what my experiences with this has been and are like. You may even be… impressed at how well-versed I am in the theory of cock sucking and given how long I’ve been doing this and how many dicks I’ve sucked along with some science and, as such, you will now know that I know a little something-something about sucking dick…

And that what I know may or may not help you one bit as you ponder whether or not “going for broke” and sucking a dick and tasting spunk is, again, all that and a bag of chips and as personally satisfying as many cock suckers say it is. You can sit and think for years on end about this, weigh all of the pros and cons until you give yourself a headache along with trying to hash out the morality and the ongoing social angst about this… but if you’re not of a mind to have this kind of sex with a man, you’re just not going to be able to really answer the question for yourself or anyone else for that matter. And to make the situation even more iffy, you really can’t answer the question when, chances are, you’ve only had someone go down on you and, yes, even if it’s another guy because, obviously, getting your dick sucked and your balls emptied isn’t the same as doing it to someone.

Some men take to it like the proverbial duck to water; some men have to give it a try a few times before finally deciding for themselves that, yes, this is some good shit or it just ain’t all that and as purported to be and, yes, some guys find out that they can’t bring themselves to do it or, if they can get past that part, no – not that good or pleasurable at all. The common denominator here is that in order to determine this, a dick got sucked or, at the very least, the attempt was made. One of the more common mistakes many make is not really being able to factor in the other common denominator in play: The other guy.

As such, it’s perfectly normal for budding cock suckers to think about the type of guy they want to have their first cock sucking experience with, from the way he looks to the size of his cock, with or without foreskin, pubic hair, the size of his balls and including his personality traits, sense of humor, intelligence and other factors that are deemed to be necessary and of great import but what they don’t know is what that guy is going to be like when he’s horny and his dick is hard. He just might be able to tell you but I happen to know that, in this, guys tend to generalize how they are even though they know that they’re prone to not really knowing how they’re going to behave until mouth meets cock. I can tell you how I am in this situation and you might not feel comfortable with it when I say that I rarely, if ever, know how I’m going to react or behave until I actually react and behave and then, to further bake your noodle, I’ve been known to change things up or, at times, not to react as expected.

I know budding male cock suckers will absorb all of the gay porn they can and watch men sucking dick and being sucked and it will fire their interest in becoming a cock sucker but not, I think, giving much thought that what they’re watching and, perhaps, masturbating to, isn’t as… really real as it appears to be. Whether it’s professionally done or non-professionals are at it, it’s staged and planned and as evidenced at how many such… filming tends to include the cock sucker looking at the camera which make sense since what they’re doing other than sucking a dick is putting on a show and a show that, in the history of viewable porn, always includes the money shot which is usually someone getting a facial or the guy being sucked yanking on his dick and depositing his load onto the tongue of the cock sucker and, at times, they have this beatific look on their face like the spermy offering they’re about to receive is the nectar of the gods.

Real life can be a very different thing and cannot really and truly be comparable to what porn tends to put on display. True enough, men do have oral sex in the ways that porn portrays and one can decide that what they see might be to their liking or not… but there is still only one way to find out and put yourself way past the theory of male cock sucking: Get off your ass and go suck cock and find the answers to the many questions you have. Otherwise, cock sucking will always be within the realm of theory. I can tell you that pondering the morality of this is quite the dilemma and, more often than not, becomes an immovable roadblock for many budding male cock suckers and, this, too, gets immersed in more theory than actual fact. What gets either ignored or overlooked and maybe even disbelieved to some extent is that there are, obviously, a lot of male cock suckers and not all of them are homosexuals.

The moral issues and social angst often gets blown out of proportion by giving much more weight to the horror stories than anything else; if “George” says that he tried it and it was a bad experience, it’s pretty much human nature to assume that if you do it, it’s going to turn out bad or even worse than what George related. The horror stories are real – make no mistake about that – but the human element – and our habit of always looking and thinking about the worst that can happen – must also be considered and one must, at this point, understand that while the risks are real, until one sucks a dick, it’s not a given that they will experience those risks or it’s going to meet or exceed their worst case scenarios. Humans are so… weird about things that we can also assume that just because things didn’t go well the first time, it will never go well and not giving much thought to the fact that there are a great many factors involved – and were involved in that first moment that may or may not present themselves in any future moment.

It remains eternally true that until you step way past theory and its road partner, speculation, and suck cock, you will never be able to really and truly answer the questions that are on your mind about it. I often tell those budding male cock suckers that there’s a reason why so many who take the plunge almost always tends to say, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be…” – because it isn’t as bad as you think it is. It takes some determination and commitment and, sometimes, a lot intestinal fortitude to get to the moment of truth and past that moment. I tell them that I happen to know that a lot of guys, after the fact, can experience so much “guilt” that they overlook the moments where finally doing what they’ve been wanting to do was, in fact, pleasurable but, then again, we do tend to focus more on the bad than the good and/or determine that which was good about it doesn’t outweigh the bad that’s on their mind.

There is a reason why I will do my level best to talk a guy out of becoming a cock sucker and more so when what they’re thinking – and their version of the theory of cock sucking – doesn’t match or come close to the reality I know all so very well or, in a simpler form, if I see that their head isn’t in the place I know it needs to be, the best thing for him to do is to not suck cock unless or until he can get his head in the right place. What is that right place? Understanding that even sucking cock is not only sex but normal; understanding that morality says one thing about this but the facts of the matter is that a lot of men from all walks of life are cock suckers; understanding that while there is great social angst and horror stories abound, if you aren’t willing to find out for yourself instead of believing what is said against sucking a dick, bluntly, don’t even bother to get the answers to your questions and that saying something like, “I don’t want to have sex with a man but I want to know for myself what it’s like…” is just your mind fucking with you and “reminding” you that men are not ever supposed to suck cock and taste sperm and, again, even when you do know that men do this.

You want to find out for yourself? Only one way to find out. Resolve within yourself to get way past theory and find someone who’s willing to let you suck them off… then suck them off and then, do it more than once or twice; give yourself every chance possible to (1) answer all of your questions and the ones that will most certain show up after the fact and to (2) prove to yourself that the first time wasn’t a fluke and, (3) keep and maintain your own counsel where liking it or not is concerned and more so when there will be others who will not look upon you with fondness because you sucked a guy’s dick and tasted his sperm and no matter why you felt the need to do so.

And you don’t have to believe any of what I’ve written here but I happen to know the one thing you can do that will either make you a believer: Go suck a cock, taste some spunk, and find out for yourself if I’ve been yanking your chain; you may discover, and as many have, that I’m not lying or bullshitting you about it. Your results are going to be whatever they’re going to be but it’s no joke, no bullshit or anything like that when I say to you that if you wanna know what it’s like, go do it and find out for yourself.

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Posted by on 20 April 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Xbox One Gaming: Elite Dangerous Community Goals

This game has a lot of stuff to do and one of them is the community goals (CG) that appear kinda regularly that’s pretty cool. The recent one is a call to all Commanders to take part in a two-part goal to build five new starports in currently uninhabited space but close to existing shipping lanes and, I guess, to expand those lanes. One part of this CG is to obtain and deliver certain materials to a central location and the other is to provide protection at the central location.

Since I’m not a player who gets into PvP battles of any kind – and because I managed to get in on the tail end of the last CG mission, I decided to jump in right at the start and use my Python – named Magellan II – to deliver my share of the materials required. I started out at my home starport, Galileo, in the Sol system by using the Inara website to, first, mark my position and then to locate the materials. I’ll add at this point that if you’re playing the game but you don’t have a profile on Inara, get one – it’s a huge help and in a lot of ways.

I located the materials I wanted to start delivering and jumped to get them and, actually, made a lot of trips from the source location to the collection point and, oops, totally wiped the source out of the required material and requiring me to not only locate a good source for something else but plotting a course to go get it. As luck would have it, the item I chose – water purifiers – was in the next system and I was happy about that because it lessened the number of jumps and, as I’ve been learning, the more jumps you make, the greater the chance of getting jumped, your cargo hijacked, and/or your ship destroyed.

And now begins The Grind which some players either complain about or try to avoid but The Grind is what it is in that if there’s something you want or need, you’re gonna have to do some work to get it. I don’t mind grinding because in some of the other games I play, well, you gotta grind to get stuff but in Elite Dangerous, yeah, I found that grinding for a CG can be even more boring that what I normally do when I play the game. Leave the collection point; jump to the source location; load up 200 water purifiers; jump back to the collection point; dock at the indicated starport, sell the water purifiers, refuel, do any repairs, and do it again.

And again. And again. I found myself wishing that an NPC bad guy would show up and try to jack me just to break up the monotony of the grinding but that never happened so I was pretty much on autopilot and, at times, nodding off. The first day of the CG, I did pretty good and my contributions qualified me to get a decent payday for my efforts. In this CG, there were five tiers involved and differing levels of rewards from getting nothing to getting paid big time if you were in the top 10% of contributors. After making my last delivery I thought, “Okay, cool – I’m gonna get something!” and also with the thought that I’d go back to doing what I normally do… but the next day, I was of a different mind about it and kept on grinding for the CG.

I wasn’t satisfied with doing the minimum work to get the minimum reward; I wanted to see how far I could go and I was grinding like crazy. At one point and while I was taking a real-life bathroom break, I got to thinking about how my Python, which is currently configured to carry 200 items, kinda/sorta wasn’t enough cargo space and debated on whether or not I wanted to get, say, a Type-9 cargo hauler which can carry a hell of a lot more cargo. I could afford it but I also got to thinking that, for one, the Type-9 hauler – and like the Type-7, isn’t so easily outfitted to fend off pirates and they handle like a brick in mud and, for the other, it would be my luck to get one, load it to the rafters… and get jumped and destroyed. So I didn’t buy a new ship and resolved to do my part in the CG 200 items at a time.

I was making around 700,000 CR (credits) every time I sold my water purifiers and I was happy about that and kept on grinding and grinding until it was time for me to shut it down and get some sleep. I awoke yesterday ready and eager to get back to the CG and The Grind to boost my contribution but when I got into the game and checked the CG status, well, damn – that part of the CG had been fulfilled and was now over with. All I could do was click on the “Complete” button and watched my credits jump to over 100 million credits – and I got an achievement for completing my first CG.

One of the the “highlights” of my participation wasn’t how easy it was for me to find a place that had what I needed; it was me paying attention to what I was doing and, sometimes, I just wasn’t. I was so into The Grind that a couple of times I left the source location… and forgot to set my destination. Indeed, in one moment, I’d undocked from the source, cleared the safe zone, went to get line up with the destination and kick in supercruise… but couldn’t figure out why all I could actually see was the starport I’d just left and not the indicator marking my destination. Oh, it was a bad moment! I’m rotating along all three axis trying to find the destination marker and, oh, somewhere around the third time spent making myself dizzy, it finally hit me that I hadn’t plotted the course back to the collection point.

Yeah… I felt pretty stupid about that. The Grind calls for a certain level of focus but because this one was so repetitive and monotonous, I was so focused that I lost focus. But wait – it gets worse! At another point, I’d forgotten where I was for a moment and that wasn’t pretty since, um, when you’re sitting in the dock somewhere, your location is right there in front of you on the cockpit panel. Then I had dropped off a load at the collection point and headed out to pick up more water purifiers… and kinda forget where I was going and then realized that, nope – didn’t plot the course to get there and making it even worse was that fact that I had bookmarked both the collection and source locations so that I wouldn’t have to keep looking them up.

I wasn’t having so much of a senior moment but, sometimes, The Grind just fucks with you like that and more so when the game isn’t doing anything to provide some kind of distraction like getting interdicted which will most certainly get your attention. A few days ago now, I was having the “interdiction day from hell” and having to fight and/or evade more than what I’d call normal when playing in Solo mode. So as I shuttled back and forth between locations, I was keeping a very close eye on my scanner’s scope and checking out every and any ship that appeared to identify them and, because this grind was so monotonous, kinda hoping they’d want to pick a fight with me just to give me something different to do.

But, yeah, I completed my part in the CG without any real problems other than the loss of focus I mentioned… but now it gets funny. With the job done, I made my way back to my home starport so I could get back to hauling cargo here and there and the first job I took once I got back home was a nice paying job of delivering an internal report to a nearby starport. One of the things I’ve learned about this game is that if a “simple” job is paying a whole lot of credits, it’s not that simple. Sometimes it’s paying so much because the destination will literally and in real time take an hour or more to get there but for this job, nah, not only did I just have to make two jumps, the destination was “only” about 300,000 light seconds from the system’s star which, in my Python and its powerful engines, meant a trip in real time of about three minutes. As I’m preparing to start the trip, I’m wondering why this routine kind of job to a system not that far away and that close to its parent star, is paying over a million credits.

And it didn’t take me long to find out why. I left home, made the first jump and while going through the process of lining up for the next jump, I see a message pop up that said, “Don’t try to run! I have you now!” Oh, shit! I’m not really worried but, as I’ve learned, if I’m going to be interdicted, I do not want to be anywhere near the star when it happens. Now I’m doing several things at once with my controller: Hitting the right buttons so that my sensors are locked on the ship that might be the one who sent the message; reconfiguring my power distribution settings to give more power to my engines; switching from Analysis Mode to Combat Mode; lining up with the next jump point while accelerating toward it and while keeping an eye on where I am in relation to the star and just as I clear the star, I hear the sound I don’t like hearing; I see things turning blue and the message all up in my face that I’m being interdicted and now my whole focus is on locating the Escape Vector indicator and sparing a glance to see the type of ship trying to shut me down and still chasing the Escape Vector all over the damned place.

I take a look and, oh, fuck me: The ship trying to interdict me is an Anaconda and I know that there aren’t too many ships that are more badass than an Anaconda. I know that if I get interdicted, that ship is going to chew me up and spit me out with ease so it’s in my best interest to not get interdicted. I’m ducking and dodging and chasing the EV and the NPC in the Anaconda is sending me all kinds of threatening messages and demanding that I just give up and maybe because it’s an Anaconda and likely equipped with a very powerful interdictor, it’s taking me a long time to escape the attempt… but it’s either stick with it or give up and get caught… and probably destroyed before I can being to fight back, not that my weapons would be able to do the Anaconda any damage.

As I’m trying to get away, I’m also thinking about how much fun this is. I know the specifications for an Anaconda since it’s the next ship I’ve been grinding to be able to buy – about 150 million credits. What I don’t know and because (1) I’m playing in Solo mode and (2) this is an NPC, is whether or not its really outfitted to do maximum damage and in a hurry. I’m thinking that it is possible that I have better weapons than the Anaconda chasing me does but, as I continue to chase the EV, yeah, I’m not really of a mind to find out. The interdiction is now into its second minute and it feels like I’ve been doing this for much longer than that. I have one eye on the EV and the other on my scope; I’m looking to see where the Anaconda is and also looking for the pretty green icon that represents the Federation Security Service or the local security service that, if present, will attack the Anaconda and give me a chance to escape…

But it’s just me and the Anaconda. I’m aware of how my thumbs are working the controller’s joysticks and that I’m not really paying attention to what my thumbs are doing – that is just so cool! I finally get the EV lined up and in an area that will either end the interdiction… or get me interdicted – and hear the sound – and see the message – that the interdicted has been evaded. Yes! I quickly realign myself with the next jump point, activate my FSD drive and, four seconds later, I’m in the wind… but I know I’m not safe because of something that can happen in the game:

The Anaconda can follow my FSD wake and that means that the moment I arrive where I jumped to, that fucking asshole will be right behind me. I arrive and quickly do a few things: Scan the local area; open the navigation panel to locate my destination and lock it in (or make sure it’s locked in – sometimes, it isn’t); get the fuck away from the star and in the direction I need to go in; searching the scope for any signs that the Anaconda did follow my FSD wake. Power up to get out of the star’s area and gravity; for this run, hit the nav panel to activate supercruise and to orbit the planet I’m headed to and activate my FSD. So far so good – I’m on my way but I still have my eyes glued to the scope and switching between whatever contacts are in the area. No Anaconda but just when I think I can relax just a bit, I see the Anaconda appear on my scope – marked in red – and, yep, it’s interdiction time.

Son of a bitch! The NPC sends me a message: “You thought you had gotten away, didn’t you – I have you now!” Like hell you do, bitch! I’m still in Combat mode and still have all available power routed to my engines and the chase for the EV is on again… but this time, I see the green icons for the FSS and there’s three of them headed my way and as I have one eye on the EV, I see the green icons converge on the red icon of the Anaconda – and the interdiction ends. I breathe a sigh of relieft, reestablish my lock on the destination and, a minute later, I’m orbiting the planet and waiting for the moment to deorbit and reach my destination… but keeping in mind that I’m still not safe because I’ve been in orbit around a planet and have gotten jumped. But I make a perfect approach to the planetary base and land. I refuel, do some minor repairs, complete the job and get paid a million-plus credits. Ka-ching! I’m looking through the available missions and find one paying a half-million credits but when checking the destination, I know it’s paying that much because once I get there, it’s going to take almost a half hour in real time to get there.

Course plotted and laid in. I launch and begin the rather slow process of getting out of the planet’s gravity well and clearing the base’s no-fire zone. Make it out of there, hit supercruise to gain altitude and once away from the planet, line up with the destination icon, activate my FSD and I’m off and running and happy that where I’m going is only one jump from where I was. I pop out of hyperspace at the star – that just never gets old and you’d have to see it to understand why it doesn’t – and I’m getting lined up but I get a system message about an incoming enemy alert. I clear the message while checking the scope and there’s no other ship in that space other than mine; sometimes, the game just fucks with you and gets you keyed up for an attack and it never appears… and I’ve learned not to trust the game at all.

I get lined up, do a bit of fuel scooping, but before I can clear the star and activate supercruise to the destination… interdiction! I’m still in Combat mode and with all power to the engines; I do the thing to lock onto the red icon I can now see… and it’s not only an Anaconda… it’s the same fucking Anaconda that had been trying to get me! Where the fuck did he come from and how did he get away from the FSS? I’m not all that worried about the Anaconda as I am being so close to the star itself; I know that if I get too close, my proximity to the star will either shut my ship down or destroy me and I’m a bit worried about that because the EV is running all over the surface of the star and I very much need it to point to open space if I’m going to survive this. As I’m evading like crazy, I have a moment to think about grinding in the CG and how boring and monotonous it was… and now I’m missing that boredom and monotony something fierce.

And it is very exciting. I note that help is on the way but I can’t count on that seeing as how that asshole in the Anaconda got away from them before but I’m really very cool and calm as I defeat the interdiction and supercruise to my destination and arrive in one piece. Once there and I complete the job and collect my half million credits, I’m really kinda mentally worn out from battling interdiction and by the same damned ship so I get out of the game and opt to watch TV until it’s time to go to bed.

And I can’t wait to see what the game will have in store for me today!

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Posted by on 18 April 2021 in Xbox One Gaming


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Gaining a Certain Understanding

Growing up with bisexuality and taking to it like a fish to water was just too much fun and terribly exciting because, first, there was having sex (and because I’d been told in no uncertain terms not to go there) and then, wow, who knew that you could have sex with another guy and it’d be so much fun? Forget all that stuff about what could happen if ya got caught doing it like that even though the punishments promised were very dire with lots of pain being involved. And while there were a lot of us who had discovered this aspect of sex and were up to it to our eyeballs – and very much aware of the consequences – it was deemed to be well worth the risks to be able to have sex with each other and, of course, any girl who’d want to.

While I – and my very horny peers – were doing lots of on the job training in this, there were aspects of it that we were either unaware of or just wasn’t paying any attention to and, depending on who you happened to be talking to – and doing the nasty with – the awareness of what I’m going to be mentioning in a moment was there and, at least, for myself, hadn’t hit home until one really hot summer day, one of the fellas and I went off to spend that hot and steamy day in the relative coolness of one of our many hideouts and doing it to each other as many times as we could, not just because we were… preternaturally horny but also because there wasn’t anything else to do that didn’t call for being outside in all that oppressive heat.

We’re into it and having the time of our, well, day; there came this moment when I was lying on my stomach, he’s on top of me and the feel of his dick sliding in and out of me was dreamy and delicious and I definitely remember lying there and thinking that, for one, this just felt so damned good and, for the other, I hope no one shows up to catch us and make all of this go away – and that meant anyone we would have preferred to not catch us. He’s humping away and I’m just loving it and my… enjoyment got broken up a bit when he started saying, “I’m gonna do it! I’m gonna do it!” which I knew meant he was getting close to shooting his stuff in me and I also definitely remember thinking, “Yeah… this is gonna feel so good!”

In the exact moment he started shooting his jizz in me (that was the ‘new’ word of the times), a thought slammed into my head like someone had punched me in the head and I heard this voice in my head say, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” I don’t know where that thought came from or why it picked that moment to just fuck up my whole groove but I went from being quite happy and pleased to not being happy at all. Well, it wasn’t that I was actually unhappy that my friend’s dick was pumping away in me but that thought was sobering and had, I realized later, taken me right out of my happy place because, in that moment, I had gained a certain understanding:

I was now very much aware of what it was like to be a girl and by that I mean I understood what I’d been putting girls through when having sex with them. It was a very disturbing feeling and, again, a very sobering one. It didn’t stop me from continuing to have sex with him but I wasn’t “all there” any longer and so distracted and disturbed that I couldn’t wait until we were finally finished so I could be by myself to seriously think about this very disturbing revelation and even as we went about wearing each other out, my mind was busy putting shit together, like putting the last few pieces of puzzle in place to reveal a completed picture… and one that I wasn’t sure I liked all that much.

Once I was alone and could think, wow, there were a couple of moments where I just wanted to throw up to realize that, I was a boy but when doing it with another boy, I was also a “girl” in that sense. We all knew that girls were the only ones who were supposed to suck dick and get screwed and we all knew that was a lie because guys could do the same thing but now the similarities had chosen that moment to come home to roost in my mind and in a very disturbing way. Before this fucked up my whole day, I thought about how us guys would sit around and “talk shit” about the girls who were afraid to have sex and how… “silly” some of them would act when we were allowed to screw them. We knew about the dreaded baby-making stuff and how it scared the shit out of the girls and while we were quite ignorant about what had to take place in order for a girl to get “in trouble” – the euphemism for getting pregnant – what we knew was that the way babies were made was when a guy shot his stuff into a girl…

And I’d just got finished spending quite a bit of time with a guy who was shooting his stuff in me… and just like either of us would do with a girl. Okay, I knew that boys couldn’t get “in trouble” like girls could but it was, in today’s terms, being inseminated that put 2+2 together in my head and it equaled, “Oh, shit!” I now had a very acute awareness of why girls acted the way they did; I understood why some liked having sex… and I now had the beginning of understanding why they didn’t. It was like a dam bursting inside of my awareness and I was sitting under a tree and recalling every moment where I’d done it with a guy and it wasn’t a whole lot of fun and I knew why a lot of girls would often tell us that we were assholes and otherwise not nice guys and especially when our dicks got hard and we wanted to have sex with them and including saying and doing anything we could manage in order to get them naked and get around to shooting jizz in them.

I sat under that tree with all of this messing with my head… and threw up. If I hadn’t had any real sense of respect and understanding of girls, I did now and, going forward from that day, every little thing that I knew girls didn’t like about us was being seen in some very stark clarity. It changed my behavior toward girls but much more than that, I’d had yet another major wakeup call about the true nature of sex and finding out why a lot of adults would be heard to say that sex was dirty and nasty… and it wasn’t just because one could get all sweaty and funky having it. I thought about all the razzing and teasing we’d subject guys who were gay to – and often in a good-natured, just yanking their chain way – but because of that moment, my gay friends now made a whole lot of sense and more so when a couple of them really did act like girls when it came to us wanting to do it to them and sometimes it wasn’t with the… eagerness they’d often display and I really understood why there were some guys they wouldn’t hesitate to have sex with… and a lot of guys they wouldn’t and even if the guy wanting to do it to them would wind up beating them up for refusing them…

And especially those guys who really did treat other guys like they – we – were girls… and some of that treatment wasn’t what I’d call, then or now, nice or pretty. Girls, again, would loudly tell us that we were assholes… and I found myself not only agreeing but understanding why we were assholes… and I didn’t like that one bit. Um, no – none of it stopped me from having sex with guys but I now had a very different point of view about it and started looking at having sex with guys in similar ways that girls had been looking at it all along. It was the moment that got me into a development mode of thinking and setting the stage for me to be a lot more discerning about who got to get me naked and have their way with me or who’d I want to do the same thing to. The sex was what it was but it was the other aspects that I’d gotten awakened to; there were guys who I’d not hesitate to have sex with and there were guys who, before my wakeup call, I wouldn’t say no to… but now I was doing just that because I could see my male peers in similar ways that girls saw us… and, again, a lot of it wasn’t what I’d call nice.

I knew what it felt like to have sex and not “cared about” beyond a guy busting a nut in my mouth or my ass; I understood why a lot of girls would say that after sex, they felt used and so dirty that no amount of soap and water would get them clean. I knew what it felt like to be lied to and what it was like to be “sweet talked” and even pressured into having sex. We would gossip and wonder why some girls would just lie there and let us screw them and like they weren’t really interested in doing it in the first place and even when they said they did… and I understood why because there were times when I’d realize that when the sex wasn’t fun, it was “better” to just let him finish rather than to start a fight although, um, yeah, being a guy and when some other guy wasn’t making the sex as fun as he “promised,” I had no problem telling him to stop and if he didn’t, make him stop and there would be pain and some blood involved.

My now-developing philosophy about having sex with guys now included knowing what it was like to be “the girl” in this situation. It wasn’t that it was always bad to “be the girl” but, yeah, sometimes it was those moments where I’d find myself wondering why I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with this guy – then really kicking my own ass to realize that my gut instincts had been telling me not to… and I hadn’t listened to what my instincts were telling me. I saw that I was developing an… attitude about it; I didn’t like it when I’d be sucking some guy’s dick and he’d say, “Yeah, bitch, suck my dick like a good little girl!” or something along those lines because, goddamn it, I’m not a girl… but wasn’t I having sex like I was, in fact, a girl?

Now, the good part about this is that I was able to put things into perspective when it came to having sex with guys and it took me almost two years of thinking and observing before I fully embraced having sex with guys but now with a “girl-like” kind of mindset about it and, importantly, learning how to say no and making it stick as well as not buying into the usual bullshit guys would throw around just so they could get their rocks off and toss me aside like, well, like a used condom. I also had a more eye-opening understanding about guys and including myself and, as I said earlier, it changed the way I behaved towards girls because I understood what it was like to be subjected to a guy’s lust and how a guy could be a nice guy and all that… until his dick got hard and wanted to use it on me. Okay, yeah – when it came to getting into a girl’s panties, you had to play “the game” and convince them that, you know, if you let me do it to you, you’re not going to regret it… and knowing why they would. It made me “sick” to understand and realized that guys would do and say anything to be able to fuck someone and that I wasn’t really any better than they were except the only thing I had going for me was that I knew – and better than most guys – what it was like to be the girl in this situation.

Later in life, I’d quip that us guys spend nine months inside a woman’s body before we’re born… and spend the rest of our lives trying to get back inside a woman’s body. I not only learned about being male, I had a keen understanding about what sex was really about and that no matter how one went about it, it always came down to the pleasures of having sex from busting a nut to females chasing the often elusive toe-curling orgasm. And while polite and moral society has some issues about what would be called gay sex, I learned that we’re all pre-programmed to want to have sex and, of course, guys more than gals and that there were no real boundaries where who to have sex with was concerned; girls were the preferred target and object… but guys could be as well.

And all of this landed on me before I got anywhere near being 16. It wasn’t just about what; it was also very much about who and not whether someone was male or female or even if they were gay. It was now very much about the kind of person they were and what was going on inside their head about being male and wanting – needing – to have sex with other males. Today, I will tell a newbie in a flat, skinny second that if they don’t learn anything about having sex with other guys, they will most certainly find out what it’s like to be “the girl” in these things… and some of that isn’t pretty at all because some of us really are total and uncaring assholes when our dicks get hard.

At the hands or, really, the dicks of other men, I was learning that it wasn’t a matter of how big their dick was or how good they were having sex; it was whether or not they were… considerate. Appreciative. Not so much that being into thing that bi guys today insist has to be a mandatory consideration. Having all of this… awareness lent itself to the most important thing in my list of three things anyone has to satisfy in order for us to have sex: Do not be my idea of an asshole or cunt. The good and bad thing was that I had a chance early in my life to be able to know what that idea would be because, as many women have learned, there is not too much worst than having sex with someone who is blatantly not trying to make it good for you. There is nothing worst than sucking a guy’s dick or having him pounding away inside of you and knowing that all he’s really thinking about is busting a nut in you and not so much about how his behavior in this isn’t making the sex fun at all. And I knew that I had to be better than those guys. Okay, again, yeah, I had to play the game just like everyone has to – and the game really does suck but it is what it is. While I knew I couldn’t change anyone else, I knew I could change myself and not be that asshole that had to be avoided at all costs to one’s physical and, importantly, mental well-being… but with the understanding that, yeah, I was going to choose poorly and now it was about being able to take the good with the bad but not in a regretful kind of way that would get me to not like having sex so much… and then totally and completely understanding and accepting that, yeah, um, I really and seriously love having sex.

Gaining that certain understanding that fateful day really did fuck with me because feeling my friend cumming in me brought a lot of shit together and in a clarity that disturbed me greatly until I could wrap my head around it. While a lot of people were losing their minds over same-sex stuff, I understood it; I understood what was driving it and that, when you strip away the morality and social angst, it’s really and truly just sex and that it’s actually perfectly normal for us – humans – to want to have sex and the sex of the person, eh, not really all that important in that sense because the only thing a guy couldn’t do to me that can be done with a woman was to get me pregnant. The rest of it? Oral sex and being screwed? Interchangeable with obvious anatomical differences. I am, most certainly and definitely, male and I do not have a boi or man pussy… but I can and have been fucked and inseminated and as I’ve fucked and inseminated a lot of women. I can and have sucked a lot of dicks and swallowed an unimaginable amount of sperm… and just like some women can and have and, yep, I like it just as much as a lot of women do.

It’s not what you do, though: It’s who you do it with. The person. Where their head is about a great many things including having sex; are you one of those people who have little or no consideration or even compassion of what it takes to make the decision to have sex and, shit, think you have some kind of divine right to my body… or are you someone who has an appreciation for what it takes to be male… but wanting to experience sex in the way it can be done between two guys? That… landmark moment in my life was responsible for how I react today about the “hearts, not parts” gang and the flaw in their point of view because sex is always about the parts and, most importantly, it’s never been a case or situation where hearts – the person asking to have sex with you – ever goes unconsidered or ignored, not like it’s assumed to be and I do not know anyone who doesn’t, at the very least, ask themselves, “Do I really wanna have sex with this person?” and based upon what kind of person they’re gonna be if the clothes comes off and sex is being performed. I understand why we really do put the cart before the horse in that sense and why we will think about what might happen before anything actually does…

And all because, one day, a friend of mind was fucking me and making it feel oh, so wonderful. I knew he was going to cum in me… and I wanted and needed him to and that stray thought of, “He’s trying to get me pregnant!” not only fucked that nice moment up but changed the way I look at sex… forever. I remember sitting under that tree that day and that, um, sitting down was, let’s say, interesting because my butt was sore and I still had his stuff making things squishy back there. My mind had gotten so fucked up behind this that I not only and eventually threw up once, I threw up three times. My mind, which that day became the asshole that lives inside my head, was quick to point out that I was having a grand time “trying to get him pregnant,” too. And then, as I got off my, um, well-used ass and headed home, I had to decide whether it was really that bad of a thing to be doing since, obviously, before that thought manifested itself and when it did, I really didn’t think or have any real idea of the true implications of having sex with other guys… but now I did and I sure as hell knew what it was like to be the girl in that situation and, for me, completed the circle and cycle of things. I could appreciate what it took for a girl to say yes to me when I asked if I could do it to her; I understood the level of trust involved and, yeah, how common sense could get totally overridden because one’s hormones demand and insist that sex be had and even how peer pressure was involved; hell, even I knew I’d do it with a guy because I didn’t ever want to be singled out as being a chicken about it or, yeah, acting like a girl about it… but now I knew why girls acted the way they did and because of something that could happen to them but could never happen to me… but, yeah, I actually liked having a guy on top of me and fucking his dick in and out of me until he shot his load into me. Wasn’t going to get me pregnant – and there was always that running joke about guys having “jelly babies” – and it did feel good… but not so much when the true meaning of having sex lands on you like a few hundred thousand tons of bricks and like it did to me that day.

It’s… embarrassing to have had that thought pop into my head when it did. Today, I can and do laugh about it because I didn’t know then what I know now but when it happened, it wasn’t even funny but I’m actually glad it did because I gained that certain understanding while at a young age and, to my credit, had the brain power to be able to come to terms about it and it didn’t put much of a damper on my need and desire to have sex… even with a guy who may or may not prove himself to be the asshole I’d rather not be bothered with and then being able to sniff them out before the fact. That understanding says that I know what it’s like to be the girl and to be treated like one even though, duh, I’m not female, well, physically or even mentally but, yep, I can and do have sex like I am. I suck dick and love doing it and when I’m in the mood to, I get fucked and get nuts busted in my butt… because, implications aside, it feels good to have sex and whether it’s with a guy or a gal and what makes it all better isn’t how good they are at it or the other things we obsess over:

It’s what kind of person they are; it’s who they are that, at the end of the day, matters the most but, yep, so does that parts thing that folks today insist has no real importance and shouldn’t have. They’re wrong about that and I even know why they’re wrong about it… and all because I had a thought, when my friend was shooting his sperm into me, that he was trying to get me pregnant because that’s what his body is designed to do even if I’m not female… and where having sex is concerned, none of that really matters as much as we continue to insist that it does and should. I understood why some girls like other girls instead of boys and if for no other reason than they could have sex with another girl… and not worry about getting pregnant. Lots of emotional stuff at work in any of this, too, and it’s clear to me why there’s more emphasis on this aspect than the fact that any dick can be sucked, any pussy can be eaten, and the human body has… holes that an erect penis can be inserted and sperm delivered absent condoms and other preventative measures. And I do know what it’s like to be “the girl” in this and I’m okay with it…

But that one day, so many decades ago, I wasn’t all that okay about it because I recognized what was in play and that my dear friend was, without even knowing or realizing it, was having sex with me like I was a girl. It really and finally exposed the lie that men are only supposed to have sex – and inseminate – women since we can get dicks hard and make them soft again just like any woman can – we’re just not gonna get knocked up behind it.

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Posted by on 17 April 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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