A forum member brought this topic up by supplying an article that, to paraphrase, attempts to analyze the “phenomenon” of straight dudes who have sex with other straight dudes… and like it’s some new thing going on.
It isn’t. Every time I see something written about this, it tends to make me laugh and shake my head to see authors going out of their way trying to put this “strange” behavior into perspective and, I’ve always thought, overlooking or maybe even discounting the most obvious answer to why a straight dude would want to have sex with another straight dude – or any dude, really: Because that’s what he wants and/or needs to do.
The provided article attempts to explain why a straight guy would do the nasty with another guy but continue to insist that he’s still straight and, again, overlooking/discounting the obvious answer: That’s how he sees himself. Duh again. The only thing I found agreeable was the author saying that the social stigma toward men having sex with men can have something to do with this perception and the generally accepted notion that straight men just do not ever have sex with other men.
Which is a lie, of course. Well, okay, not a totally blatant lie but the truth comes in two parts: Not all straight men would be of a mind to have sex with another guy… and some some most certainly might or would be of a mind to do just that and have done it… and probably more than once. In my comment to the member who posted this, I asked, “Where do you think bi guys come from?”
The article got into the “thing” where gay men are seriously on the prowl for straight guys and, for me, that’s another “duh” moment because, if for no other reason, straight men are the forbidden fruit for gay men… because everyone knows that a straight guy would never have sex with another guy and, as such, makes straight me highly attractive. I laugh whenever something I’ve read mentions this because, in reality, the accepted sexuality of the guys in question doesn’t have anything to do with this; if anything, this is the adult version of boys being boys with some, as the article suggested, compartmentalization going on… or, if the shoe fits, being in denial of some stuff.
I can’t begin to count the many times I’ve heard guys say that if a guy sucks his dick and he doesn’t cum, then it’s not gay; likewise for sucking a guy’s dick. More of the same for fucking a guy and for this one, if the straight guy doing the fucking pulls out before he cums and shoots it all over the place, nothing gay happened and, yeah, if he’s the one getting in the butt, as long as the other guy doesn’t bust a nut in his ass, not gay and, after the fact, it never happened and even if they were to admit that it did, they’re still straight.
The number one reason I’ve heard for this mindset is, classically, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time” or stating that they’d only do something like that with the right person and under the right conditions; absent this, they’re straight. I personally know of guys who, in a threesome setting, has had a field day playing with a dick but because a woman was present, nothing they did with the guy counts and if you pointed out to them that, yeah, dude, it does count, they’ll be quick to tell you that because a woman was in the mix, nope – doesn’t count and is certainly not bi or gay.
As I had commented, I have talked with guys who are what I’ll call socially against anything homosexual… but who have admitted that, sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. I’ve heard them speak to some very precise and exacting conditions or situations where something like that might happen like one guy telling me that if he got drunk enough, wasn’t any telling what he might do and, yep, I’ve had guys admit that they did get pretty blitzed enough that some dicks got sucked (at the least) – but they’re still straight.
You can even see this mindset form in guys who identify as bisexual and when they draw a huge line between anything they may have done in their youth and what they do or not do as an adult… like the two things are really different and what they did as a horny kid never happened.
Now, we can get into the myriad reasons why a straight guy would consider throwing it down with another dude and the rationalization behind those reasons but experience has taught me that there are two things going on. The first is if you don’t mind, I don’t mind and the second is I won’t tell if you won’t. I have learned that there are times when you get a couple of guys hanging out and they wind up being bored silly, hmm, there’s not only no telling what they might be thinking but there’s no telling what might actually happen. I’ve had guys “test the waters” by asking what appear to be an innocent question on the surface: “Would you say I’m weird if I said that sometime I think about getting a blow job from another guy?” or, sometimes if he’s weird because sucking a dick has somehow gotten stuck in his head.
You’d think that a straight guy would never have such thoughts… and you’d be wrong about that and even if he said it’s something he never thinks about and I don’t think they understand that if they’ve rejected such a thing, um, they thought about it first… and this is one of my favorite and classic examples about thinking and doing not being the same things. Just because a guy thinks about it doesn’t mean that he’s gonna do it… but, yep, sometimes, it does or, at the very least, he wants to but now he’s got to figure out who he might be able to do it with and, importantly, without anyone else finding out that he did.
There are a lot of folks these days who think that this is something new. I know it isn’t because I’ve had sex with, um, quite a few straight guys; whether they wind up changing their sexual identity after the fact isn’t really relevant – some do say they’re bi… and some kept insisting that they’re still straight. There’s even an out for such men: If you do it once, it doesn’t mean that you’re bi or maybe even gay… but if you do it more than once, well, you might be bi and even then the first or second time isn’t considered to be gay. The acts have always been linked to male homosexuality; you suck a dick or get yours sucked by a guy and that’s gay, plain and simple… except not all guys who have sex with other guys are homosexuals; some of them are bisexual and, how about that – some of them will tell you that they’re straight and no matter what they did, when they did it, and why they did.
Now, ya might think, if you’re a label-hater, that having to call this something has zero importance and I’d beg to differ with you because what does have importance is how one’s mind can rearrange shit in order to best fit one’s view of themselves. Again, a straight guy who’d spend some time exchanging blow jobs with another guy could and might insist that he’s straight… because that’s how he sees himself and the fact that he and some other guy sucked each other off doesn’t have a damned thing to do with how he sees himself or, again, sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
And I won’t tell if you won’t.
Predictably, the article provided managed to toss women into this and even said that straight women don’t have sex with other women… and I want you to think about that one and maybe you’ll see why I find this so funny. The truth, even for the ladies, is that not all women would have sex with another woman… but some do and if you wanna know why, you’d have to ask them. I have heard a lot of women say that there’s nothing another woman can do for them and mean it… and I know many of them who have had their mind changed. You almost always hear about the gal who had sex with another gal in college but what I haven’t heard – and as far as I can remember – is a woman who said that she had sex with another woman… and she’s still 100% straight even though she’s had sex with other women more than once. The thing here is that socially, um, if girlfriend gets a little pussy every now and then, no one really blames her since it’s also assumed that she’s getting some nookie because of some great disappointment with men (and other problems).
Which doesn’t mean much of anything where guys are concerned… because even with male bisexuality and the continued presence of male homosexuality, men are not ever supposed to think about sex with other men and they’d better not even got there… but we know that they do… and I know, even if no one else does (or believes it), so do straight guys. I had a woman say, here on WordPress, if a guy is having sex with another guy, he has to be into guys and that’s pretty much what everyone tends to believe and there is some truth to it… but not the whole truth. They very well may not have that emotional affinity for men… but we do love having sex, don’t we?
The provided article pointed out that guys who are straight and play with a dick and continues to insist that they’re straight do so as a means to protect their masculinity since, as everyone knows, a guy who’d have sex with another guy ain’t masculine at all and to “prove” their point, they’ll toss any effeminate gay man into the fire as proof. What I know for a fact is that it takes a lot of very masculine guts to have sex with another guy, well, for the first time. I know what goes through a guy’s head about this, you know, having spent a lot of time peeking inside guys’ heads on the matter. They know about the taboo and many are and have been “scared to death” that if they do this, they’re going to turn into, pardon me, a flaming fag. I have sat and listened to them and watched them thinking things out and, I gotta admit, it’s fascinating as anything that has ever fascinated me. I’ve heard them say that they know they’re straight… but they have this urge to have sex with a man; they don’t know where the hell it came from or why it’s even there to begin with and, at the point where they’re talking to me, they’re trying to decide whether or not it’s going to fuck them up in some way if they go against the taboo and, yeah, if doing so is going to make them gay.
And, yeah, I’ve done the deed with, let’s call him, a formerly straight guy and after the fact? He has said that (1) that wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be (2) it was rather nice and (3) that doesn’t mean he’s stopped being straight and he still very much loves sex with women. And the first time I can remember hearing something along these lines was way back in 1970. Yep, 41 years ago. Hmm… not so new as it appears to be, huh? I’ve had guys ask, “If we do this, will I still like girls?” and I’ve responded by saying, “Yeah – because I still like girls, too.”
And, really, if no one ever finds out that you played with a dick, you’re still straight both to yourself and to anyone who knows you… and believes that you are as straight as you say you are… and that’s why the “I won’t tell if you won’t” rule is still very much in effect – we just call it being discrete. Still, this isn’t really a thing about straight guys having sex with other straight guys as it is something that paints a picture about how our minds work and in concert with how sex is supposed to work and, of course, being told to never, ever have sex with someone who is the same sex as you are. There’s a reason why so many men and women get the shock of their lives when “out of nowhere,” thoughts of some same-sex action arrive. If you’re straight, that’s what you are both in thought and in deed… right up to the moment this lands on you like someone dropped a planet on your ass. What doesn’t get talked about is that some straight guys, after a lot of deliberation with themselves, can decide – and in order to take care of their need for sex – that, hmm, doing something with a guy might not be that bad of an idea; they can convince themselves that if they do, it’s not gonna mean that they’re gay… but since the notion of being bisexual is, strangely, an unknown to a lot of people, there is a simple logic at work: If you’re not gay, you’re straight.
Period. And no one is going to tell you any different even if it gets pointed out that, um, no, sorry – you’re not as straight as you think you are, my man. That went out of the window when you asked me to suck your dick and I did and you came in my mouth… and it is both easy and actually normal for guys to maintain their straightness because, in their minds, what they did has nothing to do with who they are as a person and how they see themselves.
Hah, that would be like me, a guy who has had a lot of sex with both men and women, trying to convince you that I’m not bisexual or, even better, trying to convince you that I’m still straight. There’s no mystery going on here; it’s not shockingly unusual for two straight guys to put their heads together and decide that, you know, giving each other a blow job wouldn’t be that bad of a thing, you know, as long as no one else finds out that we did that and, yep, if anyone asks, not only will it be denied but the next thing out of their mouth will be, “I’m straight – I ain’t like that!” But they know what they did and their brain does have to put it into some kind of perspective to both justify and rationalize what just happened… and the human brain always seems to take the easiest route and says, “Well, you were straight before you and Jack did this… so it was just sex and doesn’t mean that you’re still not straight. I know y’all did it again yesterday and y’all talked about getting together tomorrow to do it again but, yeah, it’s still just sex and doesn’t mean that you’re gay or some shit like that.”
And there you have it. I don’t blame people for having this misperception because if I didn’t know what I know and have learned about this, I’d probably be as “shocked” as they are over the notion of two straight dudes having sex with each other. The thing is that straight men and women, for whatever reason winds up working for them, can, will, and do have sex in the same-sex mode and now it’s nit-picking time where they’re still straight or not goes. It’s just “easier” to believe that one’s straightness is alive, well, and intact because (1) that’s how they see themselves and (2) it’s not something they’d do all of the time.
It happens. It has always happened. Really, where do bisexuals come from? Why do you think that we’re of two minds about boys being boys? We frown on it but we also give it a pass as long as the “experimentation” doesn’t continue into adulthood but we just don’t ever think or consider that boys can be boys at any time, any age, and for any reason that makes sense to a guy, up to and including, “Dude, I need to bust a nut – my boys are hurting like a motherfucker!” And, you betcha – I’ve sucked a lot of straight guy dick for that reason alone. Then again, I’ve never had a clusterfuck going on inside my head about this. I started out straight… then I wasn’t so straight. I am, in actuality, both straight and gay… just not neither thing exclusively. We call this bisexuality and, as I’ve learned, frequency doesn’t mean a damned thing. It’s not something you’d do all of the time? Okay… neither do I.
“Straight” guys who have an issue with the word “bisexual” do have a word that explains them quacking like the duck they’ll tell you they aren’t: Heteroflexible or homoflexible. More of a focus on frequency than the fact that they like dick. Being “bi with the right person/situation.” Uh-huh… that’s pretty much how almost all bisexuals behave and, well, everyone and regardless to sexual identity. Shit… we even believe that homosexuals never have opposite-sex sex… except they do… and will tell you in a heartbeat that they’re still very much gay, thank you very much. Seriously, how do you think lesbians who want to be parents – but can’t afford the high cost of being artificially inseminated – get pregnant? Hmm? I’m thinking the last time that happened without sperm meeting egg, three wise men came from the East… And, yeah, even they will compartmentalize it and some will tell you that it was just sex, they didn’t really enjoy any of it, and it was necessary to be able to conceive… even if it took, um, quite a few attempt. Still gay, though; taking one for the team for a worthy cause. Not something they’d do all of the time.
What all of this says about us is… scary. This is almost as bad as the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result except, in this, it’s getting into some same-sex sex and insisting that even though you did it, you’re still straight. The mistake we made was to link sex with sexual orientation and stating that who you have sex with is what defines your orientation… and just overlooking the fact that humans have sex because they want and need to and, oh, yeah, as a species, we’re not all that particular if the person we’re having sex with is the same sex as we are. It’s a difference that makes no difference… but we made it one and because we did, hoo boy, there are a lot of people mindfucking themselves even more than they’ve already been mindfucked about having sex.
I would dare say that if you’re a straight guy and, you know, every now and then you have sex with a guy, hmm, I’m thinking you’re not as straight as you say you are because I’m pretty sure that you know good and damned well that what you did with a guy isn’t what anyone would call being straight. Why would a straight guy want to have sex – and have sex – with another straight guy?
Because it can be done. They both wanna do something. What other explanation is needed? If you wanna keep saying you’re straight, that’s on you… but you know you aren’t and if I’m the one who did you, I know it. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me but, yeah, if I hear you talking about how straight you are and you see me laughing or getting that look on my face, well, you know why I am.