Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Well, Who Knew?

While perusing Twitter late last night, I was… amused to see that perhaps 90% of what I was looking at was still proclaiming with great enthusiasm that there is such a thing as a bisexual man. All manner of hashtags stating that bisexual men are real and continuing to mention famous men and, in particular, Black men including the late, great Richard Pryor in last night’s tweets.

At first, I was feeling some kind of way about the many tweets stating this, not really bad but a tiny bit annoyed that there’s a need to tell the world something that it already knows although, on the other hand, I think it’s a good thing to see bisexual men announcing their existence… and then the whole thing started getting amusing to me; I’m playing “Elite Dangerous” and in the process of docking at a station with a delivery and chuckling to myself while saying, “Bisexual men are real… who knew?”

And Black bisexual men are real and many of them weren’t and aren’t famous or historical figures; they’re everyday kinds of guys who, unless you knew that they were bisexual, you’d probably never guess it in a million years. This often makes me laugh, shake my head, and roll my eyes because, well, I’m a Black male bisexual and have been for the majority of my life and for those who might not know it (or even care), I’ll be 66 later this year.

Last night I was chatting with Cityman and we’re talking, as usual, about male sexuality and the “sudden” boom and emergence of male bisexuals and, also as usual, I mentioned that there has always been male bisexuals and that nothing anyone has said or done has stopped, prevented, or curtailed men from being bisexual. We briefly touched on how global societies should just give up bitching about men being bisexual and accept that, yep – we’re real and we aren’t going anywhere. We briefly touched the subject how male bisexuality could lend itself to population reduction which, in turn, could ease the current stresses on the environment and natural resources since, um, if we’re “busy” sowing our seed into (and even onto) each other, well, fewer women would be getting pregnant, not that women are rushing out to get pregnant to begin with but, still. Of course, the issue with this is that if no babies are being conceived and born, we’re gonna wind up making human extinct by failing or refusing to reproduce but, nah, that’s not gonna happen.

As usual, we talked about the religious implications which has utterly and continually failed to prevent guys from pulling out their dicks for each other and using them and, briefly, touched on the fact that male bisexuality – and bisexuality in general – has, these days, seriously upset the apple carts of those who insist that bisexuality isn’t real and bisexual men are really gay men in disguise. And there’s no talking about male bisexuality without getting into one of our favorite things to do: Sucking dick. How relatively easy it is to do once one can get up the nerve to do it. The relative simplicity of it and in terms that goes if both guys don’t mind, it doesn’t matter a whole lot. Or that if two guys are hanging out and doing something – watching TV or just talking about any old thing – and one or both of them get horny, well, they can either deal with it among themselves or go through some stuff to find and convince someone else (usually women) that it’ll be in everyone’s best interest if they could have sex.

If anything, it’s… convenient – why wait until later when dicks can be made hard and made soft right now? And if you’re already buds, that just makes it easier because it’s always better the devil you know and all that. Reading more of the many tweets, bi guys who were adding their proclamation to the other’s I’d seen in that moment, expressed great joy at being able to tell anyone who cared to pay attention that they’re bisexual and how it’s made their life better and that there’s really no shame in this at all. I thought, as I continued to scroll and read, that even with all of the shame being attached to being male and bisexual, none of it has done a damned thing to stop men from being bisexual.

Seeing such testimonies is, again, a good thing… but it’s also like preaching to the choir. We know that men can be bisexual; we just don’t wanna accept the reality of it; we want to keep clinging to a standard of male behavior that is more idealistic than anything else, not that being straight is a bad thing or has no real purpose in the whole of our existence: It just doesn’t work like that for all men. As I had said to Cityman during our chat, we’re running around like proverbial headless chickens looking for reasons for why men would want or need to go both ways when the most simplest reason is because we can be and it can be done…

What other reason(s) do we need? If you want to and I want to, well, let’s do this and, yeah, no one has to know that we did and more so when we – and I mean every living, breathing, human being – rightfully state that it’s no one’s business who we’re having sex with or how we’re doing it. Mind your business. Stay in your lane. As I continued to scroll and see pictures of known Black male bisexuals, I felt my eyes rolling on their own over the absurd notion that we’re not real and don’t really exist… but I know why this is presumed (and incorrectly so); we have been known – and for as long as I can remember – to be violently homophobic. I know that there is actually some truth to this… but not a whole lot but it’s still easier for some folks to believe the hype than to accept the truth…

And the truth is that any man can be bisexual if that’s what works for him. I’ve said it before and will keep on saying it: None of the things we think that matters in this does not matter at all from race to age to all other kinds of stuff that, again, we think plays into this… aberrant and illicit behavior. If Guy A wants to and Guy B is on board with it, it’s gonna be on and, later, if one or both of those guys finds themselves between a woman’s legs and giving her da bizness, so what? It is nothing that hasn’t happened before but we wanna act like it’s the most fucked up thing in the world, not because of any inherent risks that comes with – and always has been a part of having sex – but because we’re told not to do things that way.

What upsets the apple cart or, really, just tears the wheels off of the apple cart and complete demolishes it, is the fact that we have, and as long as I can remember, insisted that people are either straight or they’re gay and you can probably see how things get kicked to the curb to find out that there are a lot of people who are both and to whatever degree that might be… and a lot of them are men… and not all of such men are Caucasian, as it turns out… but, again, race has never made a difference in this. I’ve always known this since, well, you know how I know this. I can’t, however, keep from often being dumbstruck at how many people don’t seem to know this or, really, keep refusing to believe it; they are forever stuck in a place that says men aren’t supposed to have sex with each other and they shouldn’t ever have reason to… but the evidence says otherwise since we do know about gay men… but not all men who have sex with each other are gay nor would they want to be since, um, sorry ladies, but pussy is da shit and always will be.

Yes, yes, the whole romance/relationship thing. Nice and all that… not really as necessary and mandatory as it’s being stated these days. Since men have always had the very bad reputation of being able to have sex without all the lovey-dovey stuff going on, male bisexuality isn’t that far of a departure from our disliked behavior but, sure – if Guy A and Guy B can agree to be in a relationship, they can do that… but the relationship doesn’t define them. Most folks would see them both as being gay and, welp, looks are deceiving, aren’t they? Most folks would see them as being in love with each other or otherwise having great affection for each other when, um, the reality just might be that them being “an item” just makes having sex much more convenient and is much better – and deemed safer – than having to run around to find a guy to have sex with and having to vet him and all that good stuff.

And the bottom line is that even if romance and relationships are being mandated, it still hasn’t and won’t stop Guy A from meeting Guy B and the two of them deciding that it would be nice if they could go somewhere, get each other’s dick hard, and do something to make them soft again with a creamy ending… and neither of them are really and truly gay since, um, again, if they’re able to, they won’t hesitate to take a willing woman to bed and many bisexual men would rather do that than to get some dick but, sure, if they can get some, why the hell not?

It just keeps making me think that if there are people who continue to believe that no man can or should be bisexual, they seriously do not know a whole lot about men, not like they think they do. And just because you might think that because it’s not something you’d get into, well, sorry – that doesn’t mean shit other than it being something you wouldn’t do. Public opinion is raising all kinds of hell about bisexual men… and none of it means a damned thing; it’s never stopped men from being bisexual and it will never stop men from being bisexual and acting like we’re not real or otherwise don’t exist is, bluntly, pretty stupid. The “scariest” thing, I think, comes in the form of something I used to hear a lot:

“You don’t look like the type.” Well, who really does? I often think that the real ruckus isn’t over men being bisexual – it’s not being able to tell if a guy is or not. Not because we’re all in hiding but because there’s no sure-fire way to tell if a guy is bisexual or not… and not all of us are of a mind to tell you that we are; mind your business and stay in your own damned lane, aight? I’ve said in the past that you can literally be standing next to a bi guy and have no clue that he’s bi and, yep, you can know a guy and unless he told you he was bi, you wouldn’t know it or even suspect it.

But we are very real, thank you very much. We do exist and we’ve always existed and will continue to exist. Cityman mentioned some intergenerational stuff during our conversation and, true enough, male bisexuality is more of a “thing” among the last and current generations than it was back in my generation and by that I mean it’s more acceptable and one of those “I don’t know what the big deal is” things. Some think it’s trendy to be bi but even when looked at in this way, eh, so what if Gary and Lucas are having sex with each other even though they both have girlfriends or are laying the pipe to some babe? Nothing to see here. I had to learn to cut through the bullshit… and more “modern” versions of male bisexuals just don’t pay any attention to the bullshit. They know it just like I know it – it just doesn’t mean shit to them to be fussing over something that guys are known to do or, hey, if you want to, so do I!

Just as easy as that; boys forever being boys. And nothing has ever stopped us from having sex with each other and nothing ever will and if we can get some pussy, too? Doesn’t even get any better than that. We are real. We exist. Accept the truth of this. Or not but like I said, if you’re a non-believer, well, hmm. No offense but it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe we’re real because that, too, isn’t going to do anything to stop men from being bisexual.

I ain’t chopped liver, after all, and I know I’m real and I do happen to exist… and I’m not the only one.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Insider Information

There’s a poll on the forum that basically asks about whether one likes to cum first when trading blow jobs then get the other guy to cum or if one likes to make the other guy cum first and then get off afterward or, simply, when it’s time to suck some dick, who gets sucked first if a 69 isn’t happening, say, right off the bat?

Growing up, yeah, sometimes, we’d be ready to go for it but not until it was decided who was gonna suck dick first… and I’m not really sure why we’d wind up having to make this decision other than it’s kinda obvious that someone has to kick it off – and this was before our “group mind” discovered the 69 position and it was quite the revelation – who knew there was a way to suck dick together? Yeah… we didn’t early on but we intuitively knew that someone had to get the show on the road and, often more so when depending on where this was happening, time and the chance of being discovered were important considerations.

It’s kinda embarrassing for me to say that in the majority of times, I tend to be either eager or impatient – pick one – and would settle the who’s gonna go first issue but, sure, if the other guy wanted to go first or beat me to the punch, okay. The one thing that we didn’t have to contend with a whole lot was losing our loads to each other and now it’s game over. I think that, realistically, it would be game over but being young and all that made recovering from cumming a short moment to endure. We’d make each other cum and sometimes we’d need a couple of minutes before going for it again.

When you get older, whew. Our enemy, the refractionary period of sex, would show up and take one or both guys out of the game; whoever got sucked first or, really, whoever came first would find it difficult to keep it going until the other guy could cum and there were quite a few times when myself or the other guy have emptied our balls… and that’s all, folks, unless one was able to fight off the “I don’t wanna do this anymore” feeling; walking away and leaving the other guy hanging wasn’t what I’d call cool or even fair in that sense and nothing would make me feel “cheated” more than having sucked a guy off… and now he remembers that he left his dog in the shower or some other reason to get the hell outta there… and I’m left with beating my meat.

These days and given the “top/bottom” mentality a lot of guys have, if you’re a bottom, well, you get to go first and some guys are very much okay sucking the other guy off and if there’s no reciprocation, they’re good with that. Some guys – and because they know that when they cum, it’s game over, man, game over for them – prefer to not be sucked or even touched at all. Now, some guys will tell you that they love to service other guys and they live and exist to suck cock and it doesn’t matter to them if they cum or not but I’d have to say that if both guys are cock suckers, it’s not all that unusual – and might even be an SOP – standard operating procedure – for dicks to be sucked 69-style; if nothing else, it satisfies the “mutual satisfaction” thing that is, indeed, important to a lot of guys who suck dick.

Whoever cums first might find themselves out of the game and as I’ve written, it can be a very ugly and nasty feeling. Ideally, both guys should work toward nuts getting busted at the same time or close enough for government work so that if they wind up out of the game, at least they managed to go out together… except, that’s not a guarantee it’s gonna happen like that. But absent the 69 SOP, who sucks whom first becomes an important consideration unless the guy who gets sucked off first has taught himself to work through that damned refractionary period so that he can keep his end of the bargain and suck the other guy off. But, yeah, since there’s no telling whether a 69 is going to result in both guys cumming within scant seconds of each other, yeah, things can still grind to a halt and whoever didn’t cum might be hung out to dry if the other guy doesn’t, ah, manually finish things.

Not that this is that bad of a thing but it doesn’t feel as good as being sucked off and depending on how one cares to look at this, the original agreement to suck each other off has technically been broken. Even I had to learn not to get pissed off about this when it because obvious – and well before I understood the science involved – that no matter how badly the guy wanted to finish me off with his mouth, he just couldn’t because he seriously didn’t feel like it… and there’s not too much that’s worse than having someone sucking your dick and you know they’d rather be watching paint dry or anything other than sucking your dick.

It’s not an easy thing to learn to keep having sex when your whole body is telling you that you don’t want to. Whether a guy knows the science behind all of this or not, there’s a reason why we try to hold off from cumming for as long as we can up to and including employing cock rings and other devices to aid in this; it’s why a lot of guys are deep into edging and a form of ejaculation denial; it’s not totally about being able to enjoy the heady feelings of sucking dick and being sucked for longer periods of time as it’s also very much about the sure and certain knowledge that once they cum, stick a fork in them because they’re done.

When it comes to trading blow jobs, the very much dreaded and despised “blow and go” tends to happen and, yeah, it can be quite literal. Guy A gets sucked off by Guy B and now Guy A has this overwhelming compulsion to leave which, um, yeah, that doesn’t quite work when this happened at Guy A’s place – but the feeling is there just the same. Guy B is waiting to have his dick sucked or is expecting more stuff to happen and more often than not winds up feeling some kind of way about being left unfulfilled and now he’s crying foul and all that but not considering that Guy A hasn’t fulfilled his end of the bargain because he literally has no desire to – and no matter what his brain is telling him.

Once I found out what was really going on with this and that there’s not a whole lot a guy can do about it, yeah, it’s a bummer that the other guy is out of the game and might not return any time soon, I just learned not to get upset about it. On the other side of this, if a guy is blowing me and has gotten me to cum, oh, shit, making myself return the favor and doing it like I mean it wasn’t an easy thing to fight through but I also knew that if I didn’t fight through it and get the job done satisfactory, my rep as a cock sucker would take a very bad hit that could result in getting turned down somewhere down the road, not just by the guy I failed to suck off but by any guy he would almost be certain to let other guys know that I came and didn’t keep my end of the deal.

Honor is everything… and that fucking refractionary period doesn’t give a rat’s ass about honor or your rep in the cock sucking community. The “funny” thing is that we make this… gentleman’s agreement to suck each other off and it’s not like we don’t know what’s gonna happen if one of us cums before the other does and, again, a 69 might alleviate this situation… and it might not. What does matter is that the agreement wasn’t fulfilled as promised… and some of us can get pissy and even petty about this because you gave your word that you were gonna suck my dick until I came… and you didn’t. Even in the early days, whew, some arguments would jump off because one guy got his rocks off and the other guy didn’t and giving him a hand job in lieu of sucking him off wasn’t part of the agreement.

Some guys and myself included are of a mind that if we agreed, promised, or whatever to suck your dick until you cum, that has to be upheld and no matter how shitty we might be feeling if/when we’re the first to cum and half-assing it? Unthinkable. I’ve even said to guys, “Gimme a moment…” because I need to catch my breath and get my head back in the game because in my head, I want to suck that dick until he cums even when my body is saying it doesn’t want to do anything other than take a nap or something. If there’s something that has the potential to teach you how to work through this, it’s having sex with women since even if you cum, you’re expected and required to keep it going until she has the very big one and, yep, sometimes that means going back down on her… and your cum is oozing out of her and your body just ain’t feeling it. Failing to do whatever you can to get her off is not a good thing and, at the very least, going back down on her keeps it going for her… and hopefully gives you enough time to be able to get enough of an erection to stick it back in her.

There is no way that I know of that can cut the refractionary period down or make it go away and the funny thing is that – and as I’ve said in the past – sometimes it’ll hit us and trash the shit out of us… and sometimes it just doesn’t. Sometimes it can take a guy partially out of the game but, yep – he’s still capable of continuing and whether his dick is still hard, partially hard, or not hard at all. That ugly, nasty, yucky feeling just didn’t hit that hard but, yeah, it usually does…

And very much plays into blow jobs that aren’t done in the 69 position and a lot of guys insist that it happens like that because they know that being the first to cum and you don’t have the other guy’s dick in your mouth to encourage you to keep at it, well, that’s gonna be a problem. I’ve gone first and made guys cum and they’ve told me that they don’t feel like doing anything else but they’ll go down on me anyway and I learned to appreciate the will he had to fulfill his part of the bargain and if he can’t, well, he just can’t and it does help that I know why he can’t.

Being made to cum is great… but honor is still everything. I tend to “not care” about guys who say that it’s not important for them to have their dicks sucked in return because I know why they don’t want to be sucked or touched – and it’s not just them being a submissive cock sucking cum slut: You make them cum, stick a huge fork in them and I can’t keep from saying it:

Game over man, game over! The only way to avoid this is to not cum which is fine and dandy with guys who firmly and fervently believe that it’s better to give than receive. Sure… I’ve given both guys and gals head and that’s all I had in mind but if they wanted to return the favor, I’m not every gonna tell them no or that it’s not necessary or some other very untruthful thing I could say. But if it’s a guy I’m going down on and he cums, I know the chances are good that he’s not gonna feel like doing anything to make me cum… but I have also learned that if he goes down on me first and I cum – and I gave my word that I was gonna suck him off, too, well, now it’s about being able to set that nasty-assed feeling aside and not only keep my word but to have big time fun doing it.

Because it kinda defeats the purpose of agreeing to trade blow jobs. It makes little sense to get upset with a guy over something that, by and large, he has no control over: He cums and it can be turn out the lights – the party’s over. Maybe it’s only for a few moments, you know, give him a few to get his shit back together or he just won’t be able to continue. It’s important, I think, that us male cock suckers understand that if he can’t continue, it’s not because he doesn’t want to or his inability to keep it going has anything to do with you: He’s now under the influence of something he can’t do anything about unless he’s trained himself to ignore what his body’s telling hm… and not all guys can learn to do this.

It’s what makes us “funny” about sucking dick. We want to cum… and don’t want to; we want the other guy to cum and not so much. Yes, the longer we can hold off from doing that, the longer we can enjoy the feelings and whether we’re sucking or being sucked because we know that once we cum, well, you know.

If there’s one thing guys talk about regarding sex with men, it’s this thing. They wanna know why it happens and what they can do to keep it from happening and, again, there’s no way I know of to stop it from happening although I do know there are some, ah, legal and prescribed medications that somehow manage to short out the refractionary period. What I don’t know is whether or not a guy who takes Viagra or Cialis runs into this once they cum – I’ve never taken it. It doesn’t really make you horny – it just makes it possible to get an erection and maintain it until you cum and, of course, with the side effect that you could cum… and that boner ain’t going anywhere and you probably do not want to know how the folks in the ER is going to make it go away… but even then, does a guy still find himself suffering through the refractionary period?

I’ll have to find out…

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In a Nutshell

Forget all that stuff about biphobia and bisexual invisibility; forget all that stereotypical claptrap that’s been around – and keeps going around about being confused, in denial, blah, blah, blah. Forget all the pseudoscience and political ramblings. Forget the moral prohibitions that have been around for thousands of years. Forget all the doom and gloom crap about male bisexuals being a clear and present danger and existential threat to anyone they come in contact with.

Men can be bisexual and for whatever reason works for them. When we get with other men, we do whatever floats boats and we can be pretty kinky about it or rather pedestrian in our pursuit of being intimate and, bluntly, busting one hell of a nut… or more than one. Why? Because shit just works out like that. It feels good. It makes sense even in a world that’s been losing its mind because it doesn’t make sense.

People get to ranting and raving about male bisexuals and the question I’d love to ask all of them is, “You don’t seem to know a whole lot about men, do you?” Idealism is held in much higher regard than the facts of the matter and we’ve forever been all about what men are supposed to do, how we’re supposed to be, all that good stuff, while whistling in the dark about the humanity involved, glossing over what it means to be a social animal and our ingrained need to do more than have sex to reproduce. We consistently fail to learn from history and a history that clearly points out that, yup – men can be bisexual and, well, anyone can if it suits their needs and purposes.

Forget trying to qualify and quantify it because it’s probably not really going to help much when it comes to trying to understand this. It’s never been about any demographics you care to toss out there; race doesn’t matter; education levels don’t play into this nor does one’s financial situation or political affiliations. Whether you live in the high rent district or in the ghetto doesn’t matter one bit. How old you are, what you look like, and other such things means nothing in the grand scheme of things and your religious beliefs, in the end result, doesn’t mean a whole lot.

Boys have forever been boys; we learn about sex from each other and it’s not always about girls exclusively. We have a fascination with dicks and beginning with our own; we more often than not want to see another boy’s dick just to see the differences; we want to touch it and have ours touched which, more often than not, leads to sucking and then on to fucking. Scary good stuff… and scary bad stuff and while polite society doesn’t really condone such… experimentation, we allow it as long as things don’t get too far out of control and it has to stop once one becomes an adult…

Sometimes it does… and not even ends. Many of us do the “man thing;” we find a woman, fall in love, get married, start families and all is right in the world and never return to those early experimental days – and if they ever went there to begin with. And while many men grow into manhood and never look back to the days of their youth, many of us return to boys being boys and if one wants to know why, you’d have to ask the guy – and he might not be of a mind to answer you. Many of us do the man thing… and never gave up “the other man thing,” not always just because they have “a thing” about men and we’re really gay and in denial, but, if nothing else, they sure do have a thing about having sex. But if they do have “a thing” about other men, so what?

In a nutshell, men are bisexual because we can be and it remains true that men across all of time have found reason to be bisexual because it just works for them. In that same nutshell, we are straight… and gay… and neither exclusively. It’s not so much about what we might do; things like frequency doesn’t mean anything and when some of us say, “It’s not something I do all of the time…” there’s a lot of truth to it… because it isn’t since, um, we still very much like being involved with women and, being blunt again, we do love us some pussy.

Insert very heavy breathing here.

Why go both ways? Because it can be done; it’s always been done; it will never stop being done by anyone who feels, thinks, or otherwise believes that this is what works for them in their existence. It can land on someone – anyone – at any time and for a multitude of reasons up to and including it sounding like a good idea. Is it about choice? Forget what homosexuals have been saying since forever about there not being any choice involved; you chose to go with your thoughts and feelings or chose to ignore them – and as best as one can – and do nothing. Not rocket science. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you have to but, in a nutshell once more, if you do, what part of it feeling good isn’t really understood? Not just physically but emotionally as well – and I don’t mean romantically, either. The physical part, well, quite the no-brainer, wouldn’t you say? The emotional part, well, that gets… complicated since you’d have to ask a guy about what emotional comfort he gets from being bisexual… and even if he’s not having any of the sex and for whatever reason he’s chosen for not having it.

Forget all that “hearts, not parts” stuff or the continued insistence that one should never, ever have sex with someone without being romantically involved with them. For some male bisexuals, this means everything but to others? Eh, not so much; I want to and if you want to, let’s do it – and I won’t tell if you won’t. If something more than sex comes out of this, okay, that just might work but if it doesn’t, it just doesn’t. In a nutshell, we got our dicks hard and made them soft again in some way. And to make it better, if we can get some pussy, shit, yeah – that seriously works, doesn’t it?

Yes… it most certainly does. It doesn’t make us greedy – it just makes sense if one has a need to be as intimate with others as they can be. We are not gay, well, yeah, we are… but only when we’re doing something gay; otherwise, we are straight. Forget that drivel about bisexuality having to be a 50/50 proposition; it actually doesn’t really work like that and the venerable Kinsey scale is a lot more accurate than we think it is; sexuality, such as we understand it, is quite fluid… but so are humans and even more so since we are always changing in some way from one moment to the next or, as I like to say, sometimes we feel like a nut, sometimes we don’t and seconds later, all of that can change… and change again and as quickly as the time it takes for you to read this.

In a nutshell, it’s not totally about not knowing a whole lot about men; it’s not knowing a whole lot about how anyone can be and no matter what the damned rules say. The nature of the beast and the nature of what we are: What it means to be human. I’ve asked you to temporarily forget the things I said to forget because, in a nutshell, none of it has done a damned thing to stop men from being bisexual. None of it. Never. All of the fussing about it has changed nothing; it’s prevented nothing. Boys can be boys and, in a nutshell, can keep on being boys despite being grown men – if they want and/or need to be – and still have, retain, maintain, or whatever word you care to use, their need and desire for women.

Because it just works. It makes sense. Doesn’t really get any better than having the best of both worlds and having all the cake and pie one can manage to get. If you aren’t bisexual, you just aren’t but if you are, you are.

All in a nutshell.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Trying to Explain It to Someone Else

Yeah… that. Whew. It’s hard enough trying to explain being bisexual to yourself and, usually, one of the shocks to the system comes when, for this scribble, a guy is looking at another guy or talking to him and noticed that he’s sexually excited. I think that, at first blush, it’s easy to write this unexpected feeling off since it’s well known that if the wind happens to blow at just the right time and way, we can get horny – it’s just the way we are. Usually, if it happens once, eh, nothing weird going on… but if it keep happening, now some shit starts to get real.

Lots of mental acrobatics may ensue and reality gets into a war with one’s moral compass; thinking about a man’s cock or his butt or whatever other feature is discovered to be that attractive, forever and ever, goes against everything us guys are taught… but, yep, there’s no real denying that while you and this one particular guy were, say, sitting at the bar and just engaging in guy talk over a few beers, the very familiar feeling of being sexually excited while talking to him is pretty hard to write off and should stuff like this kinda keeps happening, yep, time to investigate some stuff and ask the question of whether or not it’s even possible that you’re running into certain guys – and some guys you’ve known for some time – and when you’re around them or thinking about them, your dick gets hard and perhaps a bit more bothersome, you’re having thoughts about sucking dick… and such thoughts have never entered your thoughts before.

The good thing is that a lot of guys can eventually explain it to themselves and should they somehow find out that they’re not the only red-blooded guy who has experienced such feelings, it can make explaining it to themselves easier. There are some inherent fears that comes with this, namely, “What if someone else finds out that I feel this way toward men?” and, often, closely followed by, “What if somebody asks me about it?” Many of us find it easier to not say anything about any allegations about us not being all that straight and usually because it’s very well known that some folks don’t have a sense of understanding abut this and I don’t know too many guys who like being preached to about the sin of being gay even though the guy not wanting to say anything about what he’s feeling and thinking isn’t gay.

We will go to great lengths to not have to explain ourselves… but sometimes, there’s no getting away from having to do it; if you think that thinking about having to explain yourself is bad, being in that moment is even worse… and it’s not totally because the person you’re talking with about this is going to give you all kinds of hell:

It’s because this ain’t easy to explain to someone else. You figured out why you’re having the thoughts and feeling that now includes men and, hopefully, you’ve come to grips with it… but because the things one has to explain is based on a lot of internal discussion with yourself, shit – how to do really explain what’s going on inside your head when, for a lot of it, there are no words in any language that comes close to making sense?

Even I have a hard time trying to explain my bisexuality to someone else and them getting bent out of shape isn’t a concern I have; again, there’s a reason why I tell people to never ask me questions they really don’t want to hear the answers to and if the answers piss them off, well, you shouldn’t have asked since, famously, you can’t handle the truth. Guys on the forum are often at their wit’s end wondering how to tell someone else about this… thing about them and ask what’s the best and easiest way to explain it. It’s “not enough” to say to them, “Just say it and get it out!” because it’s really not that simple; again, you have to gather up every thought, feeling, and impression and then try to put it into words… and good luck with that.

You can try to keep it simple by saying that at whatever point in your life you found that you’re not just attracted to women but attracted to men in whatever way you are… and hope that’ll be enough of an explanation for the person who, for all intents and purposes, gave you no other choice than to explain to them what’s been going on with you and why. Yeah, that one usually doesn’t work all that well – and I know because I’ve tried it. When I’ve found myself having to explain things, one question – and as simple an answer I can come up with – tends to generate even more questions. It’s not as if I don’t know the answers but to them? It sure looks like I don’t know because they’re taking me trying to conjure up some words to explain shit as my not knowing why I like men and women.

Here’s an analogy for you. I got my ass in a world of trouble because I got it into my head to take apart one of my mother’s favorite lamps because I wanted to know how it was put together so that when you turned the little knob, the light comes on or it goes off. I totally dismantled it and had the pieces spread out on the floor before me and, yep, figured out how all those parts came together to make a lamp and how it works. But, um, while I was in the process of putting it back together, my mother walked in and went ballistic – she really liked that lamp. I told her I was in the middle of putting it back together and she allowed me to and reminding me what was gonna happen if that lamp didn’t work afterward.

I got it back together, put the bulb in, plugged the lamp in and turned the knob – and let there be light! But next came the hard part when she asked, “Why did you take my lamp apart?”

And after maybe a second of thinking, I said, “I don’t know.” Well, that didn’t get received well at all! It was my first real-life lesson where “I don’t know” actually means, “I can’t explain it.” And I eventually told her that I knew why – I wanted to see how it worked and why it did – it just wasn’t easy for me to explain that. She accepted my revised answer… and grounded me for two weeks.

This is the difficulty in trying to explain being bisexual to someone else; it’s not that you don’t know why you are – you can’t really explain it and usually without sounding like you’re an idiot or, again, as if you don’t really know why. Of course, what makes this even worse is that the person you’re trying to explain this to isn’t going to understand what you’re trying to explain… because they have their own thoughts and definitely on how you – or no one else – should have such feelings to begin with. At this point, the shit can really and seriously be hitting the fan and in ways that no one that I know of wants to be bothered with.

I know that in the times when I’ve had to explain this to someone, I usually tell them, “Make yourself comfortable… because this is gonna take a while…” Again, it isn’t because I don’t know – and if I don’t know by now, I need to have my head examined – but it’s just going to take x-amount of time to take five decades of thoughts, feelings, impressions, and even actions and put them into words that make sense; whether they accept the explanation or not is a whole different moment… but I’ve often found myself being frustrated and exasperated trying to find the words… and then hope that the words makes sense to them… and now it gets really hairy and more so when their reaction says that they don’t understand whatever you managed to say.

The disconnect here is that it’s not that they don’t understand what you said; what they believe about men not being this way makes them not understand it. I still remember that conversation with a girlfriend who was busting my chops about me wanting and needing to suck cock. I had explained it as simply as I could: I sucked a dick and found that I loved doing it and have been doing it ever since. You read these words… and you understand what I just wrote. Yet, she asked me why I did it – okay, what part of what I just said didn’t you understand? – and, yes, I did ask her that… then took a moment and yet another deep breath and asked her, “Why do you suck dick?”

She launched into an explanation… and without understanding that she was having a bit of hard time finding the words and just as I had when the conversation started… but she found the words and answered my question… only to get that look on her face when I said, “Then you do know and understand that I suck dick for the same reasons you do, right?”

Eh, no, she actually didn’t – and then proceeded to make this all about her and implying that I didn’t like the way she gave me head, yada, yada; I had to stop her at that point and say, “Did you miss the part when I said – very clearly – that my liking to suck dick didn’t have a thing to do with getting sucked?” The look she gave me told me that she did miss that part… and that’s the other reason why explaining this to someone else can be the cluster fuck to end all cluster fucks.

Which is why so many bisexuals would prefer to remain silent about it. Trying to explain it is a bitch and a half and when you combine that with the person listening to it not understanding any of what you said, well. It’s hard to explain that it can start with a feeling and one that’s really hard to explain to yourself; if you tell them that you tried it and you liked it, ya might find yourself backtracking to explain why you wanted to try it in the first place given that everyone knows that men aren’t supposed to be sucking on each other’s dicks to begin with… but we know that some men do just that.

Explaining it to someone… ugh. I don’t know about anyone else who has found themselves in such a situation but there came a moment during such an explanation where I said – and with great exasperation – “If you’re not trying to understand what I’m trying to tell you, what’s the point in my trying to explain it to you? It’s hard enough for me to put all of this into words to begin with!”

Yeah… uh, I’ve gotten quite rude at times being in this situation until I realized that letting my own sense of being disturbed over it make me say some evil shit to someone else, well, I shouldn’t be doing that because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me. I borrowed a line from an Earth, Wind, & Fire song where, right at the end of the song, the lyric says, “If you don’t understand me… it’s your fault.” It is, indeed, my fault if I’m unable to explain this and I’m sounding like an idiot or a moron trying to get the words out of my head and then out of my mouth… but if you’re not trying to understand what I’ve somehow manage to say, how is that my problem or fault? Oh… and why did you ask and demand an answer to begin with?

You sometimes get to see exactly what I’m talking about when you ask them that particular question… and you can sometimes actually see them thinking and trying to find the words. It’s not that they don’t know why they wanted to talk about this because they do know why… putting the words together? Yeah, not all that easy, is it?

Guys and gals want to know how they can explain being bisexual to someone, whether that person needs to know or someone figures out that, hmm, there’s something different about you and something compels them to find out why you’re different – and if you wanna have some fun, ask them, “What makes you think there’s something different about me?” and grab some popcorn, sit or stand there, and watch them trying to put thoughts and feelings into words. You can tell someone who’s asking about this, “Just pick the right moment (if you’re trying to break the news to them) and tell them…” and it’s not that simple; you can explain stuff like the first time you thought about or did something, who you did it with or wanted to, stuff like that and, sometimes, whoever you’re talking to about this might not accept this as the total answer – think about the child who asks a question, you answer it, and they keep asking, “Why?” every time you answer them… and you can see how much more difficult this can get because there are only so many words one can employ that can verbally convey a thought or a feeling… and one you had a hell of a time wrapping your own head around.

Is it shame or guilt? It can feel that way but chances are it’s neither of those things but that very curious state of mind where you know why… you just can’t explain it to someone else all that easily if at all and, of course, your mind is also occupied with how they’re going to react… and it’s probably not going to be good. Those who are greatly in favor of all bisexuals just standing up and coming out about being bisexual, I dunno, maybe they’re of a mind that doing so is a mandatory, no-brainer kind of thing and that the truth must out and no matter the consequences and, I think, without understanding how fucking difficult it can be to take thoughts, feelings, and impressions and put them into words… and then without sounding stupid doing it.

Go ask a woman what it feels like to be screwed and if she deigns to answer and she says that it feels good or makes her feel good, it’s just her mind taking something that is horribly complex and simplifying it. Ask a guy what it feels like to suck a dick or eat a pussy and you’ll probably get the same kind of answer because the real answer, well, there are no words for it. None. It’s not like you don’t know – it can’t be fully explained except in the simplest way one’s mind can manage to come up with.

Why am I bisexual? Because I am… but if you need more details – and, for some reason, people just seem to need more details – make yourself comfortable and if at some point I don’t seem to be making sense to you, it’s because I lack the ability to take what’s really going on inside my head and put all of that stuff into words to begin with. It would be easier on me for me to say, “I tried it and liked the shit out of it!” and let it go at that and if that somehow doesn’t make sense to you, well, that’s not my fault and if you ask me why I tried it to begin with, well, shit. I know why. Can’t really explain it. Sounded like a great idea at the time… and it was. What else do you need from me? Did I know it was wrong? Of course I did – who doesn’t know that? I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway? Yep, I sure did! Why? I know why. Can’t really explain it and do both of us a favor and don’t ask me to keep trying to explain it when I know – and even if you don’t – that there are no words in any known language that’ll get the job done in the way it’s being asked to be done.

And I’ve yet to meet someone who really and truly explain that which there are no words for. Sometimes, it’s not about not wanting to tell someone that you’re bi or feeling that way – your real problem is trying to figure out how to tell them and when, again, a lot of it is intangible and defies attempts to put into words.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Why Do Some Guys…”

“…suck cock like they’re trying to take off some skin?”

I so very much enjoy talking to Cityman and especially when the topic of discussion is cock sucking and not just because it’s my all-time favorite thing to do with a guy. He was giving me some after the fact impressions concerning a get-together with one of his fellas and talking about the [obviously] damned good blow job he got from the guy.

We got into a discussion about the differences I’ve been aware of and what some guys have shared with me. One thing I had noticed and experienced – and had related to me – was that some guys wanted to make sure that the guy they were sucking knew that there was a guy sucking his dick and the thought here is all about the “usual” complaints a lot of guys have about women and cock sucking so blowing a guy is about not only doing it without a lot of bargaining and other stuff but to do it totally and completely without complaint or hesitation.

Then there’s the thing where, um, heh, heh, having a guy’s cock in your mouth is just nasty good fun; it just friggin’ feels good to suck a dick and feels even better to get him to cum. Our discussion delved into the realm of liking it versus loving it; there’s “merely” sucking a dick because, usually, it’s an expectation and then there’s making love to a dick with your mouth, lips, tongue and getting one’s hands involved and, well, I’d have to say that if I were to take every reason I’ve ever heard about guys sucking dick, it boils down to if you’re gonna break some rules and suck cock then, damn it, suck the color/skin right off that motherfucker!

In for a penny, in for a pound.

While we’re talking about this, I’m doing my own thinking about sucking dick and, oddly enough, a line from the movie, “John Wick” popped into my head and it’s one of my favorite lines of the movie that contains the words focus, will, and commitment – and it popped into my head because I’d seen the movie the day before. Cityman and I are getting deep into the passion of cock sucking and those three words were rather apt when it comes to “being good” at it but I added another word: Desire. I’ve always allowed that almost anyone can learn the various techniques involved in sucking a dick… but if one doesn’t have desire, focus, will, and commitment, well, it’s just sucking dick… but not sucking dick, if you see where I’m going with this. Also a bit oddly was something that my late mother used to tell us growing up, that no matter what you decide to do in life, be the best you can be at it.

I’m sure she didn’t have this in mind when she said it but it’s relevant. I said to Cityman that I don’t know a male cock sucker who’d want to be known as being a lousy cock sucker but it also occurred to me – and experience has proven at times, that when you’re sucking a guy’s dick, well, shit… you’re not always gonna make him happy. I also thought about some of the guys on the forum who feels that it’s their sole purpose in life to suck a man’s dick and make him happy even if it means foregoing or sacrificing their own pleasure – and pleasure other than what one can feel while sucking dick. Those guys say it’s all about the guy you’re sucking… and I tend to disagree with that, not that it’s wrong or anything like that and even I learned how frustrating it can be when the focus is totally on the other guy and trying to please him and, for whatever reason, well, he ain’t all that happy.

I’d learned that if there’s someone you should be sucking a dick for, it should be you first and foremost and if you make the other guy deliriously happy, that works but if he’s not all that satisfied a customer, yeah, that’s not gonna help some stuff – but you got to suck some dick and no matter how it turned out, it made you very damned happy to do it and, besides: If this guy wasn’t totally thrilled with your efforts, that doesn’t mean that the next guy won’t be all that thrilled. I know a lot of guys get bummed out or won’t even try to suck dick because they have it in their head already that they’re not going to be good at it or every guy they suck will think that homey ain’t good at it. I know a lot of guys get even more bummed out when they suck a guy’s cock and the other guy doesn’t cum – and now they’re blaming themselves and thinking that they’re not good at it and, again, thinking that this is what the other guy is now thinking.

Guys ask what it takes to be a good cock sucker; they talk about technique and being submissive but what it takes is having the desire, focus, will, and commitment to be the best sucker of cock one can be. Sucking a dick can be a lot of work; yeah, I know, duh, right? The “goal” is to do whatever you gotta do to get him to cum – and what you do with his cum is up to you – and, for the longest time, I’d been of a mind that while getting him to cum is a goal, it shouldn’t be the sole focus and I’m not sure if I’m gonna explain this part correctly but if you don’t feel absolutely wonderful doing it, you won’t have that… push to make him feel absolutely wonderful while you’re doing it and to the point where him busting his nuts wide open is more a when thing than an if thing. Tack on something that I think is the real reality of sucking dick, that being, with or without cum showing up, it feels amazing to do it… and amazing to have it done. Guys, whew, guys get into all this “good and bad” stuff and a blow job is almost universally considered to be bad if the guy being sucked doesn’t cum… and it’s always the cock sucker’s fault that he didn’t.

Well, shit – why didn’t he cum? Lots of reasons for that and two of them that immediately comes to mind (no pun here) is not enough stimulation and too much stimulation and for one more thing, what, if anything, the guy being sucked has going on inside his head and more so when guys are… kinda weird in that on the one hand, they wanna cum… and they wanna hold off from doing it for as long as possible… and, for the most part, that’s where their head if (still not supplying puns) and they’re focused on the end of things… but not what’s going on so much. So, if you’re the one doing the sucking, you need the desire, focus, will, and commitment to want to do it and no matter what happens… or what doesn’t happen… and you need some really serious patience and perseverance along with an understanding that, sorry to say (but not really) that some guys just do not know how to get their dick sucked so if there’s no cum forthcoming (you know what I’m gonna say, right?), it’s not always the cock sucker’s fault.

If there’s been a knock against me as a cock sucker, it’s that I’m a selfish one… and I don’t deny it one bit. See, I figured out that it’s impossible to make every guy you suck happy… but it’s easy to make myself happy doing it; if I’m over the moon about doing it – and I normally am – then my happiness – that desire, focus, will, and commitment – will, in the majority of times, makes the other guy really happy and entices him to cum. I say that I don’t suck dick to make the other guy happy… and other guys tell me that I’m doing it wrong but in my own “defense,” I’ve rarely – very rarely – failed to make a guy cum for me… but even when I’ve failed to get him to cum, you betcha – I had one hell of a time doing it.

Which is the whole point in sucking a man’s dick; if you don’t have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to have fun doing it, chances are he’s not going to enjoy it a whole lot. If you have those four things – and along with patience and perseverance – you stand a better chance of having to peel him off of the ceiling, him doing all he can to get away from you, and begging for someone to save him because, in your mind, there is no one who can save him; he can call on God, Jesus, his momma – anyone that comes to mind… and no one is gonna come (yeah, yeah) to his aid. And if you get him to cum (and even if he somehow doesn’t) and it feels to him like you’ve removed some skin or he’s looking down at his dick to confirm that it’s still attached to him, chances are you did it right for the both of you.

Desire. Focus. Will. Commitment. There’s sucking a guy’s cock… then there’s sucking a guy’s cock. There’s doing it because you have to and are expected to… then there’s sucking a cock because you sure as fuck want and need to. It’s a… hunger; I liken it to having a starving, ravenous Beast inside of me that is always demanding to be fed and I can never feed it enough or fast enough to really and truly make it happy. And, yeah, um, I’m like that when eating pussy and even more so, you know, just saying since to have women looking at you like you just tried to kill them, it also requires desire, focus, will, and commitment; if you look at going down on her as a chore, chances are good neither of you are really gonna enjoy it.

Things like skill and technique can be learned… but I’m of a mind that if you don’t have the desire to begin with, attaining the focus, will, and commitment will not be all that easy to acquire. I think that male cock suckers do have focus… on who they’re sucking; they get focused on the dick itself and based upon preference… but I also think that a lot of them aren’t thinking a whole lot about what – the inherent pleasures that comes (uh-huh) with having a dick in your mouth to begin with. It just feels fucking amazing to have a guy’s cock in your mouth and having them presents a challenge: Do you have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to get him to cum? Yeah… maybe he won’t… but not because you didn’t do your very best to get him to do that and, again, even if you fail to get him to cum – it happens – it’s never to say that you didn’t have yourself one hell of time just the same because if you didn’t have fun doing it, well, why are you doing it?

I get that some guys say that his pleasure is their pleasure and that’s all they need… but that places their happiness in the hands and whim of the guy they’re sucking and, to me, that’s putting the cart before the horse. If you don’t have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to be as good of a cock sucker you can be and to make yourself deliriously happy to be sucking a dick – with or without cum – why are you sucking dick to begin with? For him? And if he doesn’t appreciate your efforts or otherwise does or says some shit that can tend to steal your joy?

Oh, yeah… the first time I failed to make a guy happy? I was devastated; I felt inadequate and pretty shitty because, apparently, I wasn’t good enough to make him cum and like he wanted from me. It took me a while, when I thought about that moment, that I wasn’t all that thrilled about sucking his dick to begin with; I wanted to but I hadn’t wanted to… and it was my fault that I hadn’t wanted to. The fact was that I wasn’t having fun sucking his dick – I was just doing it because I knew how to do it… but it lacked drive, for lack of a better word. After that first failure, I had to ask myself what I had done wrong and the best way I can explain it today was that I didn’t so much have the desire (first and foremost), focus, will, and commitment to make sucking his dick – or any other dick – one hell of a fun thing for me to do. So I stopped thinking about him/the other guy… and started focusing inward, to find my desire to have a dick in my mouth – how it felt and tasted and how it was making me feel and understanding that if it wasn’t making me feel good, I was doing it wrong. Like I said early, I do not know a male cock sucker who wants to be known as being lousy at it… and I hated being told that first time that I wasn’t good at it which made me totally forget about the many other guys who said that I was very good at it.

Desire. Focus. Will. Commitment. Understanding that no matter how good I am at this, I’m not going to make every guy I suck a very happy camper… but making myself that way? Easy. Yes, I want whoever I’m going down on to be pleased and all of that… but I learned that this doesn’t start with them: It begins with me and even understanding that whoever I’m going down on isn’t of a mind to make it fun for me since they want it to be good and fun for them to be getting some head and more so when there are some people who just ain’t gonna do it at all. And since it’s almost a certainty that they don’t have my pleasure or best interest in mind, well, isn’t that on me to make very damned sure that I’m having a good time giving them a good time? I knew it to be so and that it takes desire, focus, will, and commitment. One might even say “determination” and that’s me being determined to have one hell of a good time going down on someone because if I’m not doing that, why am I doing it?

Doing it for them isn’t that good enough of a reason even though it is one. A lot of people are of a mind that giving head is a chore and, yep, it can be… if you really don’t have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to not make it a chore but a pleasure – for you – to end all pleasures and accepting that, yeah, sometimes, they’re just not going to be all that pleased with your efforts and you might not be pleased that the outcome didn’t pan out… but that should never, ever change the fact that you had big time fun doing it and that your desire to do it – your inner ravening Beast – was made happy… for now and is more than ready to be fed again and the sooner, the better. Can’t get enough of it; can’t do it enough; I say that I can suck dick and/or eat pussy all day, every day because I have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to do so.

And if you feel like you’ve lost some skin and/or looking at me like I’m some kind of oral sex fiend, well, that’s because I am because I have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to be such a fiend… because it makes me feel very damned good being a fiend and if my being a fiend makes you feel good, well, that works, doesn’t it? Whether someone decides that I’m good or bad at it, well, it is what it is for them and whatever ego I have left, well, it might not be all that pleased about things but even that isn’t allowed to impact the four things I know I have that makes giving head more fun than fucking someone can be.

Because if I don’t have them, why am I doing it? If I’m not doing it to please myself first and foremost, why am I doing it? This isn’t so much about reciprocation but even in this, I learned – and because I suck dick and eat pussy – to be appreciative of the fact that someone is going down on me… because they didn’t have to. A lot of guys insist that the rule of cock sucking is that it’s better to give than receive and if you’re not really getting any real pleasure in the giving, well, sacrifices must be made… and I say, “Fuck that! I ain’t giving up my desire to suck dick (or eat pussy) just to make someone else happy or kid myself that there’s “no need” to derive any pleasure of my own in the doing.

I had sucked a guy off one day and it was a great effort getting him to cum. He had said that I could have been better and that I should have done this, that, or the other and I didn’t get upset about his critique at all. I said to him, “Yeah, okay, but I got to suck that dick… and it got sucked, didn’t it? You came and if that wasn’t fun for you, well, I don’t know what to tell you… but I had fun doing it; you might not be all that happy but I am.”

Ooh… he didn’t like that one bit and insisted that my job as a cock sucker was to make him happy and in any way he thought that meant. Yeah, no… you got the wrong guy; I suck dick to make myself happy; I’m not a means to your end – you’re the means to my end because, as a sucker of cock and eater of pussy, I have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to make myself happy and transfer my happiness onto you and if that didn’t happen the way you wanted or expected to, well, hmm, sorry about that (but not really) because I had fun doing it just the same.

Because to do it and not having fun doing it just does not ever make sense. It’s the difference between liking it and loving it; doing it because it’s expected and doing it because there’s nothing else you’d rather do than to give someone head and subject them to your very passionate desire that comes (um, still no) with being able to do it in the first place. It all begins with me and I’ve learned that you very much need the desire, focus, will, and commitment to not only be the best giver of oral sex you can be but also to enjoy doing it and immensely so and even “insanely” so.

Even if the other person thinks you’re not good at it… but that’s also why you learn all of the tricks and techniques, too, and, uh, no – when I’m giving head, I don’t play fair… there’s no fun in it. My job, if you wanna call it that, is to go down on you and make you feel good and good enough to cum, orgasm, whatever you wanna call it; my ability to do this for you totally and completely depends on my desire, focus, will, and commitment to, first, make myself feel stupidly and insanely happy to do it and transfer my sheer joy to you. I had a woman once ask me, “When you’re going down on me, you aren’t really thinking about me, are you?”

“I am… but kinda not really,” I had said. “I do want it to be good for you and I’m committed to that but, yeah, I’m thinking about how damned good it makes me feel to be doing it and if I’m feeling that good about doing it, it’s gonna make you feel good, too – does that make sense?”

She thought about it for a moment and said, “You’re dangerous…” and I was actually taken aback by this because, at first, I didn’t understand what she meant by that; did she mean that I was terrible at it but once I thought about how, in this situation, how deeply I get into eating pussy – how focused I am on how being down there is making me feel – well, okay – I got what she was saying, that I was intensely focused and that my desire, focus, will, and commitment to enjoy every damned moment of being down there was being applied to her and with results that she was happy with.

I’ve had guys tell me, “Holy shit… you are one hell of a cock sucker!” along with, “You’re better than most women!” I don’t let any of that go to my head because I have failed to please and it won’t be the first or last time… but I love what I’m doing when I have a guy’s dick in my mouth and no matter what he’s expecting and, yeah, because I have the desire, focus, will, and commitment to having the time of my life sucking on that dick and, sometimes, to the point where when the guy cums, I sometimes get surprised… because that’s not what I’m focusing on.

Did I take off some color/skin? I sure hope you feel like that and in a very good way. Do you feel like I tried to eat your pussy right off of your body? If so, um, it’s probably because I was trying to do that and you have my desire, focus, will, and commitment to thank for that if, you know, it made you happy and pleased… because just being able to do that to you in the first place made me very damned happy and pleased.

Otherwise, is there really a point in doing it if you’re not gonna feel or be this way about it? I’ll leave this up to you to decide, dear readers. Your reasons for doing it – or not doing it – are yours and yours alone and I don’t know what they are… but I do know why I am the way I am about it…

And now you know.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Sorry, Not Sorry

I was taught and raised to be mindful of how other people feel. that it just wasn’t right to hurt their feelings. It was a sentiment that, on the one hand, made sense but on the other, not one that ‘everyone’ held true and dear and would often cause a bit of a quandary at times when someone would hurt my feelings and be unapologetic about it like them finding out that I wasn’t straight and, not only that, but I went both ways.

Homophobia was really bad back in the day; bisexuality wasn’t that big of a deal, not because it wasn’t real but polite society had all of their attention focused upon homosexuals and I’d have to say and allow that people were pretty stupid back then – and just as they are today – because they didn’t know, understand, or even care that homosexuality and bisexuality were – are – two different things.

It was bad enough to wind up losing friends and other associates but the thing that began to pluck my last good nerve was those folks who were so offended by my sexuality that they felt that I owed them an apology for upsetting their sensibilities… and, like a dummy, I’d apologize for hurting their feelings but over time, got it into my head that I owed them no apology because when they’d hurt my feelings, no apology for that affront would be forthcoming.

I think I was either 16 or 17 when I decided that I wasn’t apologizing anymore. Sure, I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m not apologizing for being what I am so if you don’t like it, you just don’t like it. There was a period of time when I’d have these conversations with people and to say they weren’t pretty is yet another gross understatement. They’d ask if I felt bad about having sex with males and if I didn’t, I should feel horribly bad… for not being the way they thought I was or should be; I’d tell them that as far as I was concerned, I didn’t see a reason to feel badly about something that I not only wanted to do but liked doing and, yep, if they weren’t upset before, that statement would really make them feel some kind of way.

One guy said – and with much anger in his voice – that he didn’t understand why I’d want to be a homo when there were so many women ready and willing to have sex… and I upset his feelings even more when I said, “You’re stupid, aren’t you? I’m not a homo – I’m bisexual. Men and women and not just men and not just women.”

Yep, that didn’t sit well with him and caused him to say, “If you have sex with dudes, you’re a faggot!”

I said, “Yeah… and you’re still an idiot; didn’t you hear what I just said about men and women? Look, clearly your feelings are hurt and all that but before we got to talking about this, we were cool… and the thing you don’t seem to understand yet is that I’m still the same person and the only thing that’s changed in the last few minutes is that you now know something about me that you didn’t know ten minutes ago. And now you’re all hurt and offended and over something that doesn’t have a damned thing to do with you.”

“You don’t care that my feelings are hurt,” he said.

:You didn’t care about my feelings when you were saying all that awful shit you just said to me, did you?” I fired back. “If you don’t give a fuck, I don’t see why I should give a fuck.”

I was taught and raised to treat people the way you wanted to be treated; the more, um, religiously fervent folks would always talk about turning the other cheek… but in the real of things? You turn the other cheek… and get that one bitch-slapped, too; you learn, whether you like it or not, to take “Do unto others as they would do unto you” to an ‘extreme’ place; you get your feelings hurt because I’m not what you think I am or should be and give me some shit about it, don’t be surprised when I give that shit right back to you. I’m sorry if your feelings are hurt… but not really and, besides, you started this argument… and if you get even more pissed off at how I finish it, well, you started it.

I had found myself saying something like this to someone else and they were livid and so much that while they ranted and raved, I was quietly preparing to defend myself; I didn’t always wind up in a physical altercation but, yeah, sometimes, I did and I’m quite unapologetic when I say that maybe you should have rethought taking a swing at someone who is well-trained in the martial arts – just saying. They had said, “You just don’t give a fuck about the way this makes me feel, do you?”

“Why should I? Did you give a fuck about how you made me feel with what you said?” I asked.

“I can say whatever the fuck I wanna say!” came the response.

“True enough… but if you thought I was just gonna stand here and take that shit, well, surprise, huh?” I asked. “Before we got into this bullshit, we were cool and now we aren’t and all because you don’t like the way I like to have sex so, no – you don’t get to tell me shit about that – no one does; if you don’t like it, all you can do is not like it.”

I was told that this was some cold-blooded shit… and, frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a damn. I didn’t give a damn way back then… an I don’t give a damn in the here and now. If/when someone gets their feelings and/or sensibilities hurt because I’m bisexual, I am sorry that they feel the way they do… and not so much. I’m sorry that you’re shocked, hurt, or whatever when you ask me if I feel any shame over sleeping with men and I tell you that, nope – I sure don’t and why should I? I’m sorry that you get even more shocked when you start preaching that Old Testament bullshit to me and like I didn’t know it already… and not in the least bit sorry when I tell you that it’s not my fault that you believe in some shit that ain’t as true as you think it is.

Biphobia… what a crock of shit and an even bigger one that homophobia was and is. Having that irrational fear over something that, ten out of ten times, doesn’t have a damned thing to do with you and if you think it does, well, get over yourself. I believe that people believe biphobia is a real thing but, um, if you think that bisexuality isn’t a real thing, how does having biphobia work when you’re being phobic over something you think isn’t real? Then you get all fucked up in the head because you just found out that, oh, no – bisexuality is real and now you’re afraid that every fucking bisexual in the whole fucking world is now looking to seduce you and have much carnal knowledge of you…

Get over yourself; you’re probably not that interesting or appealing. One of the reasons the whole coming out thing winds up hurting people’s feelings and makes them fearful is that once you tell them, figure it out, or ask a question they learn that they really didn’t want to hear the answer to, they think it’s about them and you’re gonna try to jump their bones. Oooh… those scary bisexuals are out to get you! I find it to be… upsetting to sit back and watch biphobia running rampant in folks… and it seems to be more contagious than COVID-19 is. COVID-19 is some very real shit and so is bisexuality… but if you get your panties in a bunch and get to feeling some kind of way about it, well, I’m sorry you feel that way… and not even really sorry that you’re very upset about something that you don’t understand.

I’m sorry but I’m not gonna feel all that sorry just because you feel some kind of way and to the point where you don’t even know the difference between homo- and bisexuality… and if I explain it to you and you’re still all hurt and dismayed, yeah, I’m sorry that you’re feeling like that but, yeah, not all that sorry; I’m just not really going to apologize for being something that bothers you because, to be honest, there’s nothing I can do about the way I am and, important to me, nothing that I’m going to do just to make you feel all warm and fuzzy… and more so when making you feel good is very likely to make me not feel good.

The thing that I’m really and truly sorry about is that there’s nothing I can do or say about what you believe. I know that in your mind, you know and think that you’re right… and I know that you aren’t since I also know that the stuff you might say to me is going to be just a different version of the shit I’ve been hearing all along. Some of it barely based in fact, much of it not all that factual and, sadly, it’s clear that you don’t get it because you’re giving me shit about being bisexual and only looking at the part where I’m getting busy with other men or, if you’re trying to look at both sides, you’re looking at the heterosexual side of me in a way that’s not as accurate as you believe it is.

I just find it hard to be apologetic or sorry because the world doesn’t work the way you think it should when it comes to these things. Now, I’m not insensitive nor do I lack compassion but when you get in my face about it and go off the rails, well, there’s only so much of the dumb shit I’m going to politely listen to so when you get to the part where your feelings are hurt because I’m something you don’t believe in, damn you… if you think your feelings are hurt now, you’re about to find out how badly you’ve hurt my feelings and I’m sure you’re not gonna like it… and no more than I liked what you said to me.

When you’re bisexual, you learn to grow your skin extra-thick; you learn that there are times when you have to deal with passionate cluelessness with cold-blooded responses; it goes against what I was taught and I don’t like having to step off in someone’s ass over their bi- or homophobia but if I have to, I’m not going to be all that sorry about it. I dislike conflict and arguing and I dislike people who aren’t like me trying to tell me how they think I should be or going on and on like they know more about being bisexual than I do. It really does kinda hurt my feelings (nah, not really) to see, watch, or listen to people putting their ignorance on display and, again. over something that they don’t understand and because they continue to believe in something that just isn’t as true as it’s said to be.

Sorry, not sorry. When I actually hear people ranting and raving against bisexuality, it really does hurt my feelings but there are many times when I’m quite amused… because they have no idea that they’re ranting and raving over male bisexuality… and I’m one of the people they’re ranting and raving about… and they have no idea that I am. I have learned to not feel sorry or apologetic for someone else’s cluelessness and if there’s any shame to be felt on my part, it’s that it shames me that you actually believe that crap that’s coming out of your mouth. I kinda/sorta hate to tell folks a truth that just might hurt their feelings even more:

What you believe and what you think you know is never, ever, going to change what I am and if that makes you even more upset, I might even say that I’m so sorry that you are… and very likely that I don’t mean a word of it but, yeah, sometimes I do, depending on who I’m talking to… but being genuinely sorry about upsetting you still isn’t going to change the way I am. I could… but I don’t want to and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me to not be the way I am because it upsets you. I know that no matter what I say in defense of myself, it’s not going to change the way you feel because you will keep thinking that you’re right about this because this is something you don’t believe in and probably believe that no one should be the way I am.

Not my problem… and you’d do well to not make it my problem. In my older age, I find myself being… less polite about it. Sure, we can talk about it all you want to but the moment you make it personal? When you start telling me how you’re feeling some kind of way about my being bisexual? I’m going to be sorry – and not so much – about how I’m going to respond to that… and I will guarantee that you’re not going to like it. You feel hurt, betrayed, whatever, and you saw fit to say something to me about it and not only make it all about you but, yeah – hurting my feelings in the process… and I don’t believe in turning the other cheeks. At best, we can agree to disagree on the matter and if we part company, then it is what it is and, how about that? I just might feel sorry that things came to this point but there is a reason I tell people to never, ever, ask me questions that they don’t want to hear the answers to. If it upsets you that I suck dick and the other things two guys can do to, for, and with each other, yeah, sorry about that… but not sorry.

I just might be sorry that you can’t understand why I am the way I am but, again, in my older age – or, perhaps a bit more accurately – for a very long time now, I finding myself not caring if you don’t understand it. The really fucked up part is that before all of this came out, we were cool or otherwise okay with each other… but now you know this about me and, at least for you, it changes everything… and I’m the one who will, if I choose to, take you to task about how silly you’re being about it and even more so when, if you happen to be a dude, you have it in your head that I want to have sex with you. Again, don’t flatter yourself; if that was the case, I would have asked you if I could get some of that dick since I have no shame in my game at all.

Ladies? Okay, I’m not what you think I am or should be – nothing I can do about that. It’s not that I don’t understand why my being bisexual is upsetting you but, I hate to tell you that what I am has nothing to do with you. I know I can talk about why I am the way I am until I wear myself out and despite explaining it the best and simplest way I can manage it, chances are good that you are going to remain so very upset about how unfair and fucked up it makes you feel and I am sorry you feel that way… and not so much. If I explain that, for one, I’ve always been this way and that my being this way didn’t have shit to do with how I feel about you – and especially if we’ve been having sex – and you ain’t feeling any of it, yeah, I’m not gonna be all that sorry. If you think my being bisexual has anything to do with you, shit – I can’t feel sorry for you about your inability to take what I’ve said as the gospel truth of how I feel. I’m not going to feel all that sorry to listen to you losing your mind over the fact that I suck dick and I tell you that I suck dick for a lot of the reasons why you suck dick – and your emotional state isn’t going to allow you to see or accept that we have a lot more in common than you think we do and more so when, yep – I also know what it’s like to be fucked.

Sorry that you can’t understand it and that it’s fucking with you… and not all that much because I know – even if you don’t – that there’s not one damned thing I can do about what you – or anyone else – believes. You have an irrational fear of bisexuals and bisexual males specifically? I get it and I really do… and I’m not all that sorry that you don’t get it; I’m sorry that you can’t see what I’m seeing, that, again, we were all nice and cool with each other – before you found this out about me – and now we aren’t and I can be sorry that you can’t look at this the way I’ve learned to look at it…

And not all that sorry. If you’re feelings are hurt, well, you hurt the shit out of my feelings and if you’re not sorry that you hurt my feelings, do you really believe that I’m going to be sorry for hurting yours and more so when I know – and even if you still don’t -that things didn’t have to happen like that but, yep, you went there and I’m not going to let you spaz out on me in any old way you feel like and not do some spazzing of my own; I’m too old for that shit; I’m not turning the other cheeks; if you start some shit with me about the way I am, I will finish it and won’t feel sorry about having to do it.

I prefer not to be in this fucked up situation to begin with but I’m not going to be sorry or ashamed or apologetic for being what I am and what I’ve always been. Biphobia? Oh, please, do me a favor and not insult my intelligence – and that goes for those folks who believe that if you don’t recognize biphobia as a clear and present danger to all bisexuals, you’re part of the problem and not being part of the solution. Truth is, I feel sorry that you actually believe that biphobia is a problem since I know – and, again even if you don’t – that this, along with homophobia, has never stopped anyone from being bisexual. And it never will. I dunno… maybe it’s just me but the way to combat biphobia is to not buy into it and, most assuredly, do not believe what biphobics are saying since, um, if you’re bisexual, do you not already know that what they’re having hissy fits about isn’t true?

And this, all by itself, is the one thing I do feel sorry about: Bisexuals believing what other people are saying about bisexuality not being real and that we’re really gay and in denial along with bisexuals being an existential threat to all of humanity. Are you really and seriously fucking kidding me? There are a slew of bisexuality advocates going to war against the non-believers and it’s a very sad and sorry thing to see to be arguing over something that we, as bisexuals, know to be true and trying to convince those who believe otherwise that we are the real deal. We know that we are… do we have to prove it? I’m sorry that so many of us feel that we have to but for myself? Not sorry at all. Let me get this straight: I’m supposed to be afraid of something that someone else is afraid of… and when I’m the thing they’re afraid of? Not only bisexual but a man, to boot?

I am never, ever gonna be sorry about not paying any attention to this nonsense. If you don’t like that I’m bisexual and it makes you feel some kind of way and not in a good way, yeah, that’s pretty sucky… but I’m sorry but not sorry about that.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Hey, Have You…”

“…ever done it with another boy?” It was the question and asking if one had done it with a girl was actually the other and sometimes less asked question. Of course, either you had or you hadn’t (even with a girl) but here’s the thing that didn’t cross my mind for a very, very, long time:

What makes us ask that question? Two reasons for asking: The guy asking has done it with a boy and he’s asking you if you have because he wants to do it with you or he hasn’t and he wants to and with you. Lots of guys have their first time with a friend and that friend who, often out of the clear blue sky, will suggest that the two of you show your dicks to each other which leads to touching each other’s dick and, in most of these moments, leads to dicks being sucked.

Growing up, these kinds of moments were par for the course and so much that whenever you’d meet someone new, you could expect that somewhere along the line, The Question would be asked… and I’ve never really figured out the… mechanism at work here; what gets a guy asking another guy about something that guys weren’t supposed to do? I even jumped into my mental time machine to take a look at things back in the day and, hmm, was it just a coincidence that when I found out about dicks, all of my friends seemed to find out about it at “the same time?”

Or was there something else in play? For the longest time, I was content to live with what I thought was an obvious answer: If you tell a kid not to so something, what you really did was tell them to go ahead and do it, well, sometimes. Given that I grew up in a time where homophobia was pretty rampant, my male peers and I were warned about “doing something” with other boys because it was nasty along with the warning that when it came to girls, keep it in your pants or else and because we were told that both things were nasty and dirty, um, there’s a reason why we would call having sex “doing the nasty.”

Ya kinda gotta love kid logic and the utter simplicity of it. I’d come to wonder if the adults who were telling us not to do this realized or understood that telling us this would get some – if not all – of us asking, “Why?” Yeah, I know I asked why and I got two different answers. The first was that I wasn’t old enough to understand it and the second was, “Because I said so… and you’d better not even think about it!”

That’s like a judge telling a jury to disregard something they heard during a trial and like it was even possible to “unhear” what was said, right? I got the thought in my head that it was probably the adults telling us not to do this that could have gotten us to wondering why along with what the hell were they talking about… and then wanting to find out why since, again, the answer/response we’d get if we actually asked, well, let’s just say the real answer wasn’t going to be forthcoming and you’d be lucky to walk away from that moment without getting chewed out or even getting your hide tanned for being so impertinent to question an adult like that.

The Question got asked a lot… and answered. If the answer was yes, the next question would be, “Do you wanna do it with me?” and, oddly, if the answer was no – or not yet (curious answer, huh?) – the next question would also be, “Do you wanna do it with me?” Possible answers here would be yes or no and no with qualifiers like the guy saying no was afraid to do it because he was told, probably, that if he did, he’d get into all kinds of trouble. Sometimes the answer would be yes… but with the same qualifier so he was really saying no but, sure, he was interested.

Some guys I met in those early days were quite bold and daring. I’d meet a guy, we’d get to talking and all that and the next question I’d hear would be, “Hey… can I suck your dick?” or “Do you think you’d like to suck my dick?” and oh, wow – “Do you wanna fuck?” Okay, inside my neighborhood, hell, we didn’t even ask each other those questions but outside of it? Learned to expect it but I’d find myself asking, “Have you ever done that before?” and sometimes the answer was, “Nope – but I want to!”

Wait, what? See, I was under the impression that if you’re asking the question, you’ve already done it and looking to doing it again and then the thing that deepened my confusion was sometimes asking a guy why he wanted to do it if he hadn’t done it before and him telling me, “I dunno – seems like fun, I guess.” Could it be because they’d heard about it in some way and, perhaps, because they, too, were told never to do it? And if they heard it from one of their peers, um, how’d they know about it?

Yep… I was that guy who was asking such questions because it seemed to me that, again, there were a whole lot of us finding out about this and almost at the same time. As I got older, I learned about the onset of puberty which, um, explained why so many of us were very damned eager to do the nasty and with anyone who wanted to and would let us… but a lot of us found out about this before getting slammed by the hormone storm and doing whatever before we were physically capable of ejaculating… but, uh-huh, that funny feeling sure felt very funny but very good, too. Being told that “making love” was only between boy and girls and then only under certain conditions, well, okay, that made sense… kinda; but then there was that gestalt kind of thing happening because we had discovered or otherwise figured out that we could do things to each other that was “making love” even though “love” didn’t have anything to do with it. It felt incredibly bad and good at the same time and the only reason why it was bad was because we weren’t supposed to be doing that.

Still don’t quite know how the… urge to do it with a boy would just seem to show up; I felt that there had to be something else I wasn’t aware of or otherwise had no idea about. With guys who had already done it before, well, that was obvious but, of course, that didn’t explain how or why guys who hadn’t done it were very interested in doing it, did it? Even better, how was it that guys who didn’t have a lot of male peers get this idea into their head? I still don’t know and I will probably never know the real answer… and if there is one at all. Continuing to grow up and trying to find out all there was to find out about this and I’d eventually begin to see that maybe, just maybe, there was an evolutionary kind of process going on here or, as gay folks love to say, they were born this way… and I think they were on to something – just not the way they were thinking since them saying this was really about choice and them feeling as if they had no choice in their orientation so choice had nothing to do with it.

One of the things that was on my mind along with all the other stuff that was on my mind was realizing and understanding that adults really underestimated us as kids. They were firmly of a mind that we were just too young to understand a damned thing about having sex and since we didn’t know I guess it never occurred to them that we would eventually find out… but maybe they did have an inkling because they were telling us to avoid sex like the plague. Perhaps the other “mistake” they made was issuing the warning about girls and boys, the thought here being that if the warning didn’t include boys, none of us might not have had reason to wonder about that, well, at least not at the time we actually were… and doing it like there was no tomorrow. I mean, even the guys who wouldn’t do it with another guy at the least knew about it.

I remember this one guy I met – at the local YMCA if I remember correctly – who was talking to me about this because he had just found out the day before that boys could do it with other boys because one of his friends had mentioned it to him and, hey, have I ever done it with another boy? He was like, “I didn’t even know guys could do that!” and he also said that he thought his friend was pulling his leg because, as he had said, everyone knew that boys only did it to girls. I told him that I had done it with a boy and got grilled about it and, well, um, it was easier to show him than trying to tell him and even easier since he was very eager to find out… but the question of how did his friend who told him about this found out? Had that friend done it before? I had asked my new friend that question and he had told me that, nope – his friend hadn’t done it… but he did know about it.

Word of mouth advertising? Actually being at “the scene of the crime” and seeing two boys doing it? Quite possible… still didn’t explain the guys I was running into that had few or no male friends that they hung out with who knew something about it for them to ask the question in the first place. Why bother to figure this out?

Trying to shed some light on that “boys will be boys” thing that’s rather interesting. It’s well-known that boys experiment with sex and with each other; it’s not condoned so much but, yeah, it happens and is kinda generally accepted that as long as it doesn’t keep happening past the teenaged years – or it doesn’t present someone with some serious problems – eh, it’s fine – just boys being boys except, uh, for boys to be boys in this sense, boys have to somehow know that they can be just boys being boys.

And we sure as hell knew. The Question, again, got asked a lot; how it was answered isn’t so much at issue at this point but how one would be able to ask the question in the first place and more so if the guy asking it, as far as you could know, didn’t know about any of this before The Question got asked. For me, it’s a fun thing to ponder even though I do know how some guys would be in the position to ask The Question and if for no reason other than sheer curiosity… and because they, like me and my male peers way back in the day, were told that boys doing it to boys was wrong and nasty.

Which, ah, hmm, has never stopped boys from being boys even when those former boys are now grown men, huh? Lots of folks losing their minds over the fact that there are bisexual men and ascribing all kinds of nonsensical reasons for their, um, fascination with having sex with other men from them really being gay to boys being boys, which is “okay” but doesn’t explain this behavior in older dudes. And while such folks are chasing their tails over their ramblings, I go back to the root of things and boys being boys and, yep, asking what triggers boys being boys like this? The onset of puberty and the infamous hormonal storm we get slammed with? Very damned likely but, again, doesn’t explain pre-pubescent doings so much and sure doesn’t explain the many guys who say they first did it with a friend and insist that they didn’t know what they were doing… but they were doing it because one of them, for some unknown reason, thought or knew that seeing, touching, and then sucking each other’s dicks was a great idea and fun thing to do… even if they’d never done such a thing before… but they knew.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Dream

I’ve never been one of those folks who believes that dreams have meanings other than it’s my subconscious showing up for work while my conscious mind is snoozing. Like most folks I’d say, I don’t remember every dream that I have and sometimes I’ve awakened and interrupted one hell of a dream… then I’m doing my best to remember what it was but it’s exactly like what I read in books where authors describe trying to recapture a dream by saying it’s like trying to grab smoke or it’s right there and you’re about to grab it, only to have it remain just out of reach.

Then there are the recurring dreams… like the one I keep having about giving myself a blow job.

Okay, there was a time when I was younger and a hell of a lot more flexible where I could suck myself off. Lemme tell you how that came about! Well, um, one day, I was in the bathroom dong a bit of monkey spanking and just, ah, optically fixated on my dick and the sight of my hand just moving along my shaft and just before I lost my load, I had the weirdest thought: “You know, you’ve got enough dick that you just might be able to suck your own dick – and you should try it!

I exploded a second later and for a moment or two, uh, I couldn’t even ask myself where that thought came from since my mind was returning a busy signal because, well, you know. Cleaned up my “mess” and kinda just sat there for a moment while my brain returned to that thought and, admittedly, it sounded exciting and I spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out how to do it. I had eventually decided to try the “legs way over your head and body folded up” method which took some doing and tended to make my back hurt so much that I was like, “To hell with this!” but that asshole that lives inside my head kept saying, “Don’t give up! You can do this! Keep at it!”

I found myself doing a lot of stretching before every attempt and I got to be able to get my dick within an inch of my lips and close enough to lick the head of my dick before, um, before winding up shooting myself in the face. It was so frustrating but I could get that far and fire off into my mouth; tasting my own stuff, eh, that was old news – been there, done that a lot of times. Part of me wanted to give it up… and the other part kept insisting that I couldn’t quit trying now, not when I was that close! I could get most of my knob against my lips and suck on it just a little but could use my tongue easier… and it was good but not what I kept telling myself I could actually manage to do. Something was… missing; something that I felt that I should have been doing but what?

Oh, the frustration! When I wasn’t actually trying to do it, I could see myself doing it in my mind; the image was now stuck in my head, teasing me and, yep, the asshole was saying, “Next time, it’ll happen – trust me!” Okay, asshole – I’m gonna give it just one more try and if I can’t do it, I’m gonna stop trying and just be happy and content that I can, at least, suck a tiny bit of it but lick my own dick head like the proverbial lollipop. I went through my stretching routine and it had become quite easy to get warmed up and properly stretched out; I got on the bed and without a single thought flipped everything over until the head of my dick was in contact with my lips. Now, being in this position makes it very hard to breathe but I had figured that part out some time ago and more so when, um, shit, during one attempt, I kinda passed out for a moment, not because I couldn’t breathe but I had been holding my breath. Note to self: Breathe, dummy!

I’m holding this position easily; body totally relaxed and breathing rather normally; I’m seeing myself open my mouth, relaxing just a bit more and knowing that I’ll succeed at this and while this is playing out in my mind, I almost missed the fact that I had the whole head of my dick in my mouth! Holy shit! My tongue got to work and I’m literally pushing myself into my mouth and the feeling was fucking incredible! Of course, I knew what it felt like to suck dick and I knew what it felt like to have my dick sucked… and now the two feelings were one and the same! While I’m pretty much losing my mind over these new sensations, I’m still working at staying relaxed and breathing and could feel more of my dick in my mouth and, shit, it overwhelmed the shit out of me and I start to cum and if I thought those other new feelings were mind-blowing, feeling my dick pumping away in my mouth pretty much did me in.

I’d done it. I’d given myself a real blowjob! But the “scientist” in my head said, “Now you gotta prove you can do it again so don’t get that carried away!” Well, I proved I could do it again… and again… and again. Whenever I got the urge to jerk off, well, duh – why do that when I can suck myself off? I could now do it while standing – a bit tricky – and could do it while sitting – also a bit tricky but, yeah. Years later, oh, boy, I remember the day my wife almost caught me blowing myself; she’d come home and walked into the room as usual just as I had finished blowing myself and was getting unfolded. She gave me this… look and asked what I was doing and, well, I told her what I had been doing and even told her how long I’d been able to give myself a blow job – and before we had met; I thought she was gonna have a fit or something but, nope – she just looked at me, rolled her eyes and muttered something that might have been, “Men…”

Got older, less flexible and all that but, eh, I’d proven that I could suck my own dick so I was good with not even bothering to do it since the last time I did it, I pulled a muscle in my back – and despite stretching before the fact – and was on the shelf for almost a week; my doctor had asked me how I managed to pull a muscle that badly and all I said was, “Ah, well, I was bending over to do something and just did it the wrong way…” – yeah, like I was gonna tell him the truth about that one, huh? Now, the recurring dream…

About a year or so ago, I kept having this dream where I was sucking myself off; different dream scenarios but all of them would eventually depict me just easily putting my head down and sucking my dick… and the more this dream kept returning, the more real it felt. I’d wake up some mornings after the dream and I’ll be damned if my whole body would be aching and as if I’d spent some time “folded up” and blowing myself… but wait: It gets even more interesting. Some mornings I’d wake up and feeling achy… and also feeling like I had busted a nut, which would have me checking myself out and looking for, uh, the evidence of having a wet dream but, nope – no evidence to be found. I’d find myself wondering – and despite not believing that my dreams were trying to tell me something – if they were trying to tell me something but, nah – this is just my brain just fucking with me and even making my body go along just for shits and giggles…

Until one day I woke up after having the dream with that familiar ache… and a certain taste in my mouth and, oh, what the fuck? I know what my spunk tastes like and I’ll be damned if I hadn’t woken up after having that dream with that very familiar taste in my mouth – and now I’m kinda worried: Could I have been asleep but, as in the way the recurring dream kept turning out, sitting on the edge of the bed and happily giving myself a blow job? And the really fucked up part? I remember doing it. What the fuck is going on? Was this really and truly just my mind fucking with me? Sure, it was very possible… except I could still taste my spunk, had the body aches and, fuck me, I remember sitting up and doing it, cumming in my mouth, and lying back down.

Was my mind, in the subconscious state, trying to tell me something? Yeah, I thought that this was what was really going on and more so when the dream would keep showing up but I wouldn’t wake up feeling achy and with that taste in my mouth. Whew – I thought I was losing my mind or something… but every so often, I’d wake up achy and with that taste and feeling oddly satisfied. I had suspected that my wife was doing a midnight booty call on me but, nope, that wasn’t what was going on since I knew if that was the case, it would wake me up at some point.

The “bothersome” point is that I have this dream a lot; I had it last night and I woke up with a bit of an attitude because, in my dream, every time I started to blow myself, something or someone would keep interrupting me – and it’s just me dreaming and somewhat “realistically” so, right? No body aches, no spermy taste in my mouth, no feeling sated – just dreaming. Does it mean anything? Probably not but the other thing that keeps fucking with me were those times when I knew I’d sucked myself off; I remember doing it and unlike dreams that tend to fade away when you wake up, this particular dream would just keep hanging around, like it wants me to remember what I was dreaming about… because I just might have really done it.

The thing about last night’s dream was that I knew I was dreaming – funny how that works and happens, huh? Yep, this version of the dream shows up every now and then, too; in my dream, something’s going on around me – and whatever that is, I never seem to be able to remember that – and I eventually wind up blowing myself – with or without success – but, yeah, I know I’m dreaming since, with last night’s dream, it’s highly unlikely that I was on a plane going somewhere and thought that a good idea for in-flight entertainment was to blow myself while a plane-load of people watched – and I remember laughing at what I was seeing in my dream.

But those other moments? I’m not worried about anything being fucked up in my head but I can’t explain to myself why I often wake up feeling like I’ve sucked myself off; the achy feeling, well, I can “explain” that since I am kinda old and waking up with some aches is just part of the deal… but I can’t explain having that taste in my mouth nor can I explain that feeling of being satisfied and if this is some really realistic wet dream, shit… there’s no evidence anywhere. I know I’m not on any medications that have the side effect of lucid dreams; I know that dreams can often feel very real and that one’s body can react to the dream as if whatever you’re dreaming about really happened, oh, like waking up suddenly because in your dream, someone punched you in the face and for a brief moment, your face actually hurts until your brain says, “No, nothing happened but you were dreaming, weren’t you?”

Eh, I’m not gonna let this bother me; if, by chance, I’m in that state of mind/sleep where I just might be blowing myself and going right back to a deep sleep – and remembering that I did it – er, um, I’m actually okay with that since, well, you know. It’s just weird to wake up and knowing for an “undisputable and unshakeable fact” that I did this… or I sure as hell feel like I did. Having wet dreams at my age? Sure – I have them and some of them are rather nice, if I must say so myself; I’ve woken up from having one and, yep, there’s the evidence but for this dream? Zero evidence other than how I’m feeling and having a taste in my mouth that is very damned familiar to me.

Spooky, huh? I don’t even try to explain or decipher the dream; it’s within the realm of reason that it’s just my mind having some fun at my expense and fucking with me with this recurring dream and seriously making it feel very, very real and just because it can do that… but I haven’t been able to shake or otherwise explain why I remember doing it and including the way the room was before I went to sleep and how it looked when, hmm, I just might have been sucking my dick in my sleep or, probably more likely, I’m just remembering what it was like when I could actually do it and all those feelings are forever etched into my brain and my subconscious -the asshole that lives in my head – is saying, “Let’s fuck with him and cue up the dream and let’s make it very real this time!”

And if it’s really just a very realistic dream, it’s a damned good one. A long time ago now, I got this powerful urge to suck my own dick; I somehow knew I could do it and eventually did it and it was an amazing whirlwind of sensations that I’ll never forget and, apparently, that asshole in my head now sees fit to never let me forget it and to keep reminding me in some pretty memorable ways.

Maybe. I don’t really know and I don’t really care that much since, uh, hmm, you know.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: No Right or Wrong Way

Lots of social discourse about what bisexuality is, what’s involved with being bisexual; how someone should be bisexual and other such stuff… and I sit back and take in all of these things – and right along with the quasi-political stuff going on – and I ask myself, “Why don’t they get it? How come they don’t seem to understand that there’s no right or wrong way to be bisexual and if there’s a wrong way, it’s knowing that you are and not doing anything about it, up to and including that they are?”

I see lots of stuff that attempts to definitively qualify and quantify bisexuality and with a lot of emphasis on gender and like that really makes a difference here but I’d guess that it’s just human nature at work when we find ourselves going out of our way to explain or define something that’s pretty self-explanatory; I continue to see people who have such great angst over the word itself even though they look like a duck and quack like one.

Things get so nitpicky that I see, on a daily basis, guys going back and forth about the right way to suck a dick and an insistence that one only sucks cock to please and satisfy the guy attached to it and even that one should forego their own need to be pleasured or satisfied or to even cum… and let’s not leave out that there must be genuine attraction first and foremost… but one shouldn’t just be attracted to the sex alone.

What to do. How to do it. Who to do it with. When and where to do it and, sometimes, why do it at all? On the ladies’ side of things, if they’re worried about anything, it’s finding someone who feels the way they do to either to just talk or, yep – do that other kind of talking. They have their own concerns, of course, but the thing I’ve noticed over the decades is that women just seem to roll with it without making a whole lot of fuss about it and I’ve rarely seen the kind of nitpicking that I see men doing. Clearly, everyone who is bisexual has their own thoughts about what it means to be bisexual and all that and, well, shit… it often cracks me up to see a guy say that this is how he feels, what he likes, etc., and then see other guys “give him da bizness” over his idea of what it means to him to be male and bisexual and like their own idea of this is the way it should be done and without exception.

Do they not understand that there is no right or wrong way to be bisexual? Do they not understand that if there’s a wrong way, it’s not being bisexual in the way you can, want, and need to be bisexual and that the reason you’re bisexual isn’t going to be the same as anyone else’s? I get to shaking my head watching them going back and forth about cock size and if you didn’t know that guys can be size queens, now you know… and I ask myself, “Do they not know that the size of the dick, first, is what it is and, second, as long as it works the way it’s supposed to – and its owner is gonna let them have fun with it – that’s the only thing that really matters?”

Um, apparently not, it seems although, in their defense, they do seem to understand the basic principles… but lets them slip in favor of that which they prefer – and then whatever that might be is forever inviolate and unchangeable and if you don’t prefer that which I prefer, well, what the fuck is wrong with you, homey? I often find myself “stuck on stupid” to see guys trying to intellectualize something that they really don’t seem to understand; more often than not, they’re just parroting things that I see in other places, like Twitter, or from “news sources” that are, at best, questionable in origin and their own purpose of trying to qualify and quantify an aspect of human sexual behavior that just defies those things. And, yes – I’ve been running my mouth about it here for quite some time and I’d have to say that what makes me different from other guys is that I know – and if no one else knows or believes it – I’ve spent almost the entirety of my life asking questions about bisexuality and finding the answers to them, based upon my own experiences and what I’ve learned from guys and gals wherever I’ve traveled in the world.

I kinda know a little something about this bisexual thing. Like them, jeez, there was so much stuff and bullshit I had to sort through and make sense of and at every turn asking, “Why?” and even as long as I’ve been pursuing the answers, I still haven’t been able to do what so many others are trying to do: Nail it down to one single kind of thing… because bisexuality is a lot of things that encompasses and includes everything it means to be human… but without differentiating between males and females. Not men or women but men and women; things like race, color, creed, economic status, levels of education, or other such things have no real meaning in this. It’s just sex and more than that… and what it is depends on what one needs, why they need it, so on and so forth.

Casual sex or relationship-based sex? Which is the right way and which is the wrong way… and why do we continue to believe that one is more right than the other? Well, we just do… but I know that there’s no right or wrong way in this – there’s only what the individual thinks is right or wrong but if you wanna have some fun, ask them why they think something is right or wrong and just listen to it and maybe you’ll see what I learned about this and where it all comes from… then you might be able to see and understand how bisexuality takes all of that stuff and just totally invalidates things.

Is it better to give than receive? A lot of guys believe that is is and they feel some kind of way about the notion of receiving; are they right or wrong? The answer is no… because there is no right or wrong going on here either. If you’re into being fucked, what’s right or wrong way to be fucked? Well, um, still no right or wrong way even in this but, er, given where the dick is going to wind up, there is some common sense to be observed but if you like it bare, well, you like it like that; if you like it covered up, ditto. What’s the best position? Um, whichever one gets the dick in you and you can be in without a great deal of discomfort… but, yep, some guys (and, dare I say, a lot of guys) are of a mind that if you’re not on your knees and with your ass in the air, you might be doing it wrong; if you’re not on your back with your legs widely apart or draped over the other guy’s shoulders, well, you might not be getting boned the right way.

And, yeah – if you and the guy you’re trying to have sex with aren’t into each other, you are most definitely going about this the wrong way and no matter what you are doing… or not doing. Do they not understand that this, while nice and all that, isn’t a hard-set requirement and that all the two guys need is having the desire to do each other and in whatever way they can agree upon? I watch guys “flying around” all over the place about being with younger or older men being the right or wrong ways to get one’s jollies when, in fact, the only real concern is whether or not the guy in question is legally old enough to consent to sex which is being 18 – your state laws about this will vary in some specific circumstances but, sure – if you’re both over the age of 18, you’re good to go and being 21, well, that’s just being more on the safe side of things. Otherwise, if Guy #1 is 23 and Guy #2 is 43 and both wanna do something, well, what are you waiting for, an engraved invitation or something?

HWP – Height/Weight Proportionate. Does it matter? Actually, it doesn’t but a lot of guys are of a mind that it does. Are they right or wrong? Actually, no – they aren’t… but get guys talking about this and having some popcorn or other snacks on hand would be a good thing because you’re gonna be treated to quite the show and performance. I’ve learned that if there’s something to be preferred above any other consideration, the guys in question should be healthy enough to have sex – and in every way that can mean; um, yeah, you’d probably not want to make a guy bust a nut and he keels over from a heart attack or stroke, huh?

Do they not understand that bisexuality is – and can be – so very damned diverse that, in any of this, there is no right or wrong ways involved… except those that we impose upon ourselves? Then the big one: Is it right or wrong for someone in a relationship to step outside of the relationship to satisfy their need for some same-sex involvement? We say that it is wrong; we say that if you gotta have it and getting it gives you great peace of mind and other senses of being okay with yourself, well, it sucks to be you… because you can’t have it and you shouldn’t even want it. And if you go ahead and get your freak on anyway, wow, aren’t you some kind of fucked up asshole or cunt? If you do not confess your sins and sinful thoughts to the person you’re with, yep – you’re most definitely doing the wrong thing and if you do the right thing and confess your perversion to them – and it fucks up your whole life after you do – well, tough titties: You shouldn’t have been thinking about or wanting to have something you aren’t supposed to think about, want, or even get.

This one gets very sticky, doesn’t it? It begs what I’ve learned is a very important question: If the person you’re with needs dick or pussy and you don’t have a dick or a pussy, um, how are you gonna provide them with what they need? You can’t, obviously but, again, the right way is that you shouldn’t ever want or need anything other than what you already have and the wrong way is for the person with this need to take matters into their own hands and get it anyway. Do they not understand that by denying them what they need causes more problems than them actually getting what they need? And the bad part? People know this… and don’t give a fuck; if he/she winds up being depressed or otherwise screwed up about themselves and their existence together starts to fall apart at the seams – and in some seriously fucked up ways – well, too bad, you pervert. How dare you want something that you’re not supposed to want! I should be enough for you and all that you’ll ever need!

Is it right or wrong to say, “It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission?” Yes… and no, to be honest even though chances are that you might not ever be forgiven and getting permission seems to be impossible and assumed to not be worth asking for since you know for a “fact” that the answer is gonna be not only no but fuck no. Is it right or wrong to deprive one’s self or to suppress themselves and, in fact, put themselves at risk for some shit that can be very bad for them and those around them? Extremely sticky and messy situation and if bisexuals don’t agree on anything, we all agree that this is, hands down, the absolute worse situation a bisexual can be in… and there’s no right way to go about making it better without a great deal of suffering and/or loss.

Other than this, the thing I learned – and I learned it before I was even a teenager – is that there is no right or wrong way to be bisexual since one has to figure out what’s going to work for them and what ain’t gonna cut the mustard… and there is no way that I’m aware of that we, as a whole social entity, make a singular determination that covers every who is bisexual and anyone who maybe bisexual in future times. Does gender figure into the rightness or wrongness of how to be bisexual? Nope and if you think it does, you probably need to open a dictionary app and read the definition for gender. If you’re more about parts than hearts, are you doing it wrongly? People will say that you are… but I know that you’re not wrong to be into the parts since, uh, um, that’s what you’re into and, my goodness, aren’t the parts nice to play with?

The only wrong way to be bisexual is to not be bisexual in the way you want, can, and need to be; anything else is a matter of opinion and preference since we’re really not all the same when it comes to this. The factions trying to homogenize this is making a mistake: Taking the person, the individual, out of the equation. Insisting that bisexuality has to be a certain, all-encompassing way that might sound good… in theory… but when it comes to individual practical application? That all falls apart because bisexuality isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. There are untold millions of bisexual men and women and the one thing they have in common with me is that we’re bisexual – that sameness – but right or wrong tends to become a non-issue at the individual level which is just people being diverse… but not right or wrong in that sense if their idea of being sexually diverse differs from, say, my own… and it’s supposed to differ since, duh, we are different.

But we all are bisexual, well, those of us who actually are in thought and/or deed; there are many more who are… curious; what’s it like? How does it all work out? And even they are neither right nor wrong when it comes to pondering the nature of their curiosity; neither are those who learn and decide for themselves that, nah… don’t need the sex even though it might be nice… and they’re not wrong for making such a decision. Amongst us all, we’re either about the hearts, the parts, or all of the above and there’s nothing wrong with “picking” the thing that works best for your own sensibilities. It’s not even wrong to have dyed-in-the-wool preferences… but there are those who’d say that it’s right to not have them so solidly locked down because, if nothing else, you tend to wind up missing out on the thing you want and need as well as not really understanding how dynamically diverse bisexuality really is and can be.

The only right or wrong ways are those we create for ourselves and morality notwithstanding and even that says that if you’re not heterosexual, you’re just wrong… but do we not know that our morality isn’t quite right about that? Is there not one of us who thinks, “If being bi is wrong, I don’t wanna be right?” And are we really wrong for thinking and feeling this way? Yeah, there are many who say you are as wrong as it gets… but the reality says a very different thing, doesn’t it?

It’s a social bone of contention because we make it this way; it’s becoming a political one, too, because we make it this way and as if a political stance really makes a difference in this and as if we just do not have the right to self-determination when it comes right down to busting nuts and having orgasms. We’ve managed to, wrongly, I think, overly complicate bisexuality and removing the simplicity of it so that we can’t gird our loins, look at the person who’s the same sex as we are and ask, “Hey, do you wanna do it with me? Because I sure wouldn’t mind doing it with you!”

Why would you want to? Well, duh and really: What do you think? Do you really need a reason other than because you want to and if that’s the only reason you have, are you wrong for not having a more detailed reason? Depends on who you ask, huh? And can one be right or wrong when, at the end of any day, what they really want is to feel good about themselves and to make whoever wants to be with them in this feel good, too?

Nothing wrong about that from where I’m sitting and however one wants to go about this is up to them and certain legalities aside, there’s no right or wrong way to achieve this level of feeling good:

I just don’t seem to be able to understand why people don’t know this because it’s not really that hard of a thing to get one’s head around.

Today's Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bi-romanticism

Is it a must? After yesterday’s scribble, I spent some time thinking about those moments when sex with a guy would turn into more than that and, back then, the only time I really saw guys being romantic with me was when the other guy was gay or close enough for government work. There were always situations where a guy would tell me how much he liked me as well as times when there would be a guy who was found to be much more interesting than someone to have sex with and I really liked the guy to want to hang out and do other things, well, um, if we could keep our clothes on long enough to do those other things.

It wasn’t like having a boyfriend; it wasn’t exactly having a friend who was a boy and having a Friend With Benefits… but, sure, if you were tight with a guy and sex would “eventually” happen, okay – not that big of a deal and more so when myself – and along with other bi guys I was coming into contact with – were of a mind that having sex with someone you liked enough to want to do it with them was okay and more so when it didn’t make sense to do it with someone you didn’t like in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Sometimes a guy would say that he wished we could be boyfriends but, I dunno – guys have a weird kind of understanding about this that said, well, we’re both boys and we’re friends so that works, huh? That we were probably having sex wasn’t “really” a part of that discussion but I felt, at the time, it was an expression of how close we were as friends and, honestly, we’d find that other than getting naked with each other, we really did have other things that were dear to our hearts in common. We were all very much aware of how gay guys were hated and reviled and even the more… gayer fellas would say that if we were boyfriends, that would be nicer… but especially for them, it was very risky and would paint a huge target on them – and their boyfriend – and subject both guys to some really rotten shit from unbelievable ridicule to being subjected to violence.

No one wanted to be subjected to that shit so, by and large, guys who were, let’s say, much more than friends but were definitely lovers would just keep it under their hats and, besides: Was there really a reason to go there when, for one, we were friends already and, for another one, we were having sex just the same. How deep the friendship was or wasn’t… eh, it just was whatever it was; it was often good enough that we were more alike in that we had a secret we weren’t of a mind to let everyone else in on. The first time I can remember another guy telling me that he loved me – and looking back at that moment – I think I had already known that he was in love with me before he said that he was; in today’s terms, we’d say that he was clingy and quite the overtly emotional kind of guy. Not necessarily “gay” but, yeah, when a guy feels that his day hasn’t meant anything without being all up under you, well, that was weird since “everyone” knew that guys who were in love with each other were very gay… except this guy wasn’t gay and neither was I.

Guys were being friends and telling each other that they loved each other like a brother; whether it was in a romantic sense, well, that’s hard to put a finger on and more so when it was quite possible to bond with a guy but there was nothing sexual about it, well, not in the sense that we’d always want to rip each other’s clothes off but we could and would talk about sex – and even sex with other guys – and felt safe to do so; it wasn’t like either of us were gonna go tell everyone what we were talking about and while it may have crossed our minds to do it to each other, sometimes, it just never happened even if we happened to mention that, um, you know, if you ever wanted to do it, I wouldn’t say no to that.

That didn’t mean that there weren’t guys – bi or gay – out there looking for romance but it sticks in my mind that while it was or might be nice to be romantic, it wasn’t a necessity so much if one guy liked the other guy enough to want to have sex. At a high level, I think guys knew that having feelings for someone and having sex with them were two different things and that you didn’t really need the first thing in order to do the second thing and, besides: Having those feelings was awkward since we also knew that if you were gonna have those feelings, they were to be directed at and expressed to girls/women. You could tell a guy that you really liked him and even care about him with or without the sexual component and it was like, “Cool – I really like you, too, not like we’re gonna be boyfriends like that, right?”

Right… and more so when a lot of us would learn that some guys? Hmm… they didn’t react well knowing that feelings were getting that deep. Hanging out together? Cool. Having sex with each other? Nice! Things being more than that? Um, let’s not and say we did but, again, the overall thing we all seemed to know is that you didn’t have to like a guy “like that” in order to have some good, nasty sex with each other. Indeed, a lot of guys – and myself included – were of a mind that really falling in love with a guy was impossible; it just wasn’t gonna happen… and a lot of guys – and myself included – found out how wrong we were about that and that it was very damned possible for two guys to be in love with each other and not in that “brotherly” sense.

Nothing shook me up more than the day a guy told me that he was in love with me and I not only saw the truth of his words but the truth of how I felt about him and it was an even bigger shock to hear myself say, “I love you, too!” – and I knew I meant it and it was very damned real. Just when you think you have other guys – and yourself – figured out, you wind up getting your whole world turned upside down. A lot of guys were literally feeling the love and a lot of friendships – and let’s call it “sexships” – were falling by the wayside because that lovey-dovey stuff? Oh, hell, no – I ain’t gay! It’s not to say that two guys didn’t feel this way about each other but if ya didn’t want to rock the boat so much that it would sink, if you told him that you loved him, it had better been, “I love you like a brother, man!”

Even though I had found out what it’s like to be in love with a guy and how crazily wonderful it could be, still – and at the “high level” of things – guys were throwing it down with other guys with no more emotional connection to each other than liking each other because, again, you just did not ever have sex with anyone you didn’t like that much. Of course, there were those guys who only liked you because, um, because you had a dick and he wanted to get at it. Did they care about what you liked or other stuff like that? Yeah… not so much and finding myself in those situation would teach me what it felt like to be just a piece of ass and very much unappreciated. For myself, it wasn’t so much a need to feel or be romantic but, damn, dude, you just wanna have sex with me because I look good to you and not much more than that?

Oh, yeah – when I tell you that bi guys find out a lot of shit about why women behave the way they do, it’s no joke. I mean, you don’t really have to like me but it sucks when a guy doesn’t give a shit about you unless he’s having sex with you, um, not that the sex would be all that bad… but still! At least give a fuck about me being the person I am! But the reality was that giving that much of a fuck? Not really needed and I spent a lot of private time ripping this apart to see that while a guy giving a fuck about you makes you feel warm and fuzzy, getting some dick was and could be just as warm and fuzzy and then some so I learned -as did other guys – that if there wasn’t a whole lot of “extra liking” going on, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and more so when, once again, you just had to like something – anything – about a guy and enough to want to have sex with.

If there were guys who were of a more romantic bent, I gotta say that there were a lot of gay men who, in their great eagerness to be in a relationship with you, would purge that feeling right out of you. At this point, I knew what it was like to be in love with a guy and to be romantically bonded to him and, really, it did, at least for me, complete the circle and gave me an understanding of what love could really be like… but I was learning – and so was a lot of bi guys – that gay men? They had a whole different agenda and nothing riled them up more than them telling you how much they loved and wanted a relationship with you… and you just weren’t feeling that and more so when one of the conditions they insisted on was giving up women and pussy.

Yeah… not even gonna do that. And to be honest, if I was feeling that way, yup – you just killed the shit out those feelings, fella. Us bi guys operated under the premise that if we liked each other enough for sex to happen, that was fine… but you want me as a boyfriend and talking about us living together and all that romantic stuff? Yeah, um, no. I like being around you and like having sex with you but feeling love or otherwise being romantically involved with you? Sorry but no thanks; women are “bad enough” in these things but I – and other bi guys – were learning that romantically minded guys were a lot worse than any women we knew of. If nothing else, I learned the way a lot of gay men thought and felt and in the single-minded way they tended to think and feel so for a guy who had a thing for both men and women? Yeah… not sure how that’s gonna work.

Besides: Just because that’s the way you feel doesn’t mean I feel the same way or that I’m going to… or that I have to; why make this more complicated than it already is? In this period, there was a lot of romantic intent in the air but the lack of it didn’t really mess up opportunities to get dicks out and put them to use on each other and, again, some guys would be so insistent about the romantic aspect that it would just ruin a good thing. If being romantically involved with a guy wasn’t your thing, it wasn’t that big of a deal because there were still a whole lot of guys who didn’t want to be bothered with romance; they might like you and definitely like having sex with you and, well, that worked; no need to fuck up a good thing when it doesn’t have to get fucked up.

Then the NY Times, many years later, would publish a piece that said that bisexuality was real… and I was laughing my ass off and rolling my eyes so much that they really did work. And the kicker? Bisexual males were real, too! No shit, Sherlock! Really? I mean, who knew? To me, it seemed like the whole fucking world was off and running with this and, um, “stupidly” so, I thought. Everyone was acting like bisexuality and male bisexuals were something new and astonishing under the sun, which had me wondering what rock they’d been living under. People were saying, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man – he’s either gay or he isn’t!” and I was genuinely stunned to see/hear something that I had first heard decades ago and the even bigger kicker?

People insisting that if you weren’t in a same-sex relationship and romantically so, there was no fucking way you could be – or call yourself – bisexual. Wait, what? I spent a lot of time reading the stuff that was appearing all over the place including items written by those who said that since they had no interest in being romantic and being in a same-sex relations, they couldn’t be bisexual… could they? Ever since then, wow – I’ve seen and heard a lot of bisexuals jump on the bandwagon that in order to truly be bisexual, you must be romantically involved and in a relationship in the same-sex way.

What the fuck? I admit that this blew my mind so much that it actually took me a while to recognize what was driving this… nonsense: The heteronormative way of doing things where love, sex, and relationships have always been mandated. Men and women were speaking out about how much they wanted and needed both the sex and its intimacy but that relationship thing? Not feeling it and they were of a mind that not wanting or needing to be romantically attached to someone just totally invalidated their bisexuality. And bi guys? Holy crap… there were – and still are – a great many men who insist that if you’re not going to be into them and more than just wanting to have sex with them, well, you ain’t getting nothing here! Having sex with a guy and “just because” it can be done? Preposterous! Cannot and should not ever be done! Even implying that it was a certain guarantee that if you threw it down with a guy and there was no romantic involvement and no relationship-like situation in place, you were gonna get infected with something.

Years before, I had read something that said that the only legal sex in the United States was relationship sex which, in fact, played right into what I – and others – had been told about having sex including caring/being in love with the person first and foremost and, of course, having sex outside of a relationship was a sin – fornication – and, well, if you were doing things like that, you might want to have your fireproof undies on since you’re gonna burn in hell for fornicating. All across the Internet, I was reading things that kept insisting that if you weren’t bi-romantic, you weren’t bisexual; if you had no thoughts or feelings about being in a romantic relationship with someone who was the same sex – and, later, gender – as you were, there’s no way in hell you could say that you were bisexual.

And me being the very bisexual guy I’ve always been and way before any of this came to be? I was stuck on stupid and if you’ve ever really wondered why I keep saying that things didn’t used to be like this, well, now you know because being bi-romantic – and all that it’s said to imply and involve, did not exist; it wasn’t even a real or serious consideration unless you found yourself involved with a gay man… and not even all that much then. On the many forums I’d been a member of? If a guy said that he didn’t like guys like that, he’d get flamed big time because “the majority” was firmly of a mind that there was just no way in hell that you could like and want some dick but not like men like one likes women and, yeah, after that stupid article came out, so did all the people who insisted that being bisexual was a 50/50 thing and that you had to like the same sex and you did the opposite sex and without exception.

Are you reading all of this and shaking your head? Welcome to my bisexual world as it exists in the here and now. I’ll repeat what I said yesterday: This isn’t necessarily a wrong way to go about being bisexual and if you’re more of a bi-romantic kind of person, all well and good… but romance and relationships aren’t a hard set necessity when all you really want and need to do is be intimate with someone and, ironically and as Mrs. Fever pointed out in her comments yesterday, bisexual women are not all that romantically inclined when it comes to wanting to be intimate with other women; it’d be nice… but works quite well without it. Bi guys used to be like this and many still are but it seems to me that more and more bi guys are requiring and demanding that before you can have sex with them, you’d better be into them and prove that you are without your dick getting involved.

Maybe now you can understand why I tend to scratch my head a lot about this and why I really can’t say that the push in this direction is a good or bad thing because where acceptance of bisexuality is concerned, it seems that if you’re romantically and relationally bonded in the same-sex way, well, okay; that means you’re doing things just like everyone else is and has been doing them. Romance and relationships good, not having them involved, very bad. It really does crack me up and makes me roll my eyes to have a guy tell me that just because I don’t require a guy to be my boyfriend and we’re all into each other, I’m not really bisexual… and even more so when I was bisexual before most of those guys were even born… and their parents hadn’t been born.

The good thing is that a lot of bi guys are really getting more in touch with their emotions and are accepting that however they feel about other guys is not only how they feel but it’s really okay for them to feel this way… because it really is and I will never discount this or say it’s not a real-deal thing… I just don’t think it’s a hard-set necessity because I know, even if they don’t, that it never was a hard-set necessity and, again, not even when gay men were interacting with each other. If it went down like that, fine… but if not? We can still have sex, right? Sure we can but in these things, everyone has their own idea about what being in love is supposed to be like and “just having sex,” well, that happens but shouldn’t happen without some being into – and, at the least, being Friends With Benefits, being established and in place first and foremost.

And if you’re a bi guy and not doing things in this way, well, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re not waiting for Mr. Right to come along (and then not doing one damned thing to find him), settling for Mr. Right Now is not only fucked up but instantly and immediately dangerous and potentially fatal. And I sit back, day after day, and see this going on and wonder what the fuck is happening and, importantly, why it is happening. Again, I’ll never say that being bi-romantic is going about things the wrong way… but I do very much question the hard-set need for it since there are still a lot of guys who really don’t like guys like that… but they sure as hell like dick a whole lot more.

And if you needed more evidence about why I keep saying that if you think women are funny about this stuff, men are even funnier about it, well, here’s my take on it and everything I keep hearing and seeing has done little to dissuade me from being of a mind that being bi-romantic is the way it should be and not being bi-romantic, well, you must be some kind of fucked up individual to like dick – but not be into the guy attached to it. Early on in this debacle, it was being said that if you were really bisexual, you would – and should – be more into the person than having sex with them; otherwise, there’s no way you’re bisexual. This sentiment really had me stuck on stupid because it was being implied that people – bisexuals -were just running around all over the place and having sex without one iota of consideration about the person they were looking to have sex with… and it’s never been like that even if it appeared to be that way because, again and all along, having sex with someone you didn’t or couldn’t find something likeable about? No one in their right mind does that and especially when you can run into someone and see something – anything – about them that just rubs you the wrong way; you might talk to them but you sure as fuck ain’t gonna have sex with them.

So, yeah – I just do not know anyone who would have sex with someone that they haven’t given some thought about first, whether it’s only a few minutes of thought or a longer period of time; even I will take however much time I need to think about the person who’s looking to get into my underwear or I’m of a mind to get into theirs… so where is this “hearts not parts” crap coming from? Well, I know where it comes from and it stems from something I heard when I was a wee lad: You do not ever have sex with anyone you don’t love or care for and especially don’t know a whole lot about, and aren’t in a relationship with and if they wanna have sex with you without any of those things, run away – just run away.

Not wrong… but not really right since, if you know anything about humans, we, um, we do have sex just for the hell of having sex and if it can be NSA, so much the better. Like Mrs. Fever said, it’s interesting that bisexual women are becoming more NSA about it while bisexual men are looking for, expecting, and demanding that strings get attached and with Gorilla Glue (nope – just couldn’t resist that one). Relationships do not validate sexuality nor does being romantically inclined; still not bad or wrong if one is romantically inclined and relationship-minded but it’s optional… not mandatory as it continues to be insisted that it has to be. And don’t get me started on the attraction thing and I just might want to write something about that but, for now, I’ve written enough, methinks.

Bi-romanticism is a real thing and something that’ll either work for a person or is deemed to not be a great necessity because it doesn’t really lend itself to validating one’s sexuality. I am bisexual; I’ve been this way for a very damned long time and I validated this about myself without romance or relationships even being a consideration – but knowing that I liked guys and their cocks – and still a fiend about women? I’d say that validates my bisexuality in a nutshell. Romance? Been there; absolutely wonderful as was the relationship. Is is needed when I find something I like about a guy and enough that, hmm, you know, getting that dick wouldn’t be a bad thing?

No… and I’m not the only bisexual – male or female – who thinks and feels this way but it’s starting to look like we’re quickly becoming a minority in these things.