Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  “How Could You?”

Tarnishedsoul ( wrote a piece in response to someone asking him how he does it with a guy, which he felt was really, “How could you do it with a guy?”  It’s a question that a guy might face if he comes out or gets outed and it’s time to face the music… and it’s not gonna be pleasing to the ear.

In a way, it amazes me that someone can ask this question and as if they have no idea why two guys would want to go to bed with each other.  I know that it’s really not a case of them having no clue – it’s a matter of what becomes a conflict in their  mind, i.e., what one believes versus the hard slap in the face reality.  To some, there is absolutely no reason for “Ed” and “Fred” to do the nasty with each other, not when – theoretically – there are too many women ready, wiling, and able to supply sex.

While this is theoretically correct, sometimes the Ed and Fred situation just isn’t about a lack of feminine consort; it is not about a decline in, ah, current bedroom activities, and not about a lot of things one can legitimately select as a reason why Ed and Fred would want to, um, inseminate each other.  Sometimes, it’s really rather simple:  Ed and Fred are playing hide the sausage with each other because it can be done, because it’s sexually satisfying, and the sexual interaction resonates with them emotionally and at levels that aren’t easy to explain to a pissed off wife or girlfriend, let alone other acquaintances who believe that taking this particular trip ain’t even necessary.

How does one answer this question?  Like I said, it’s not easy – well, wait a moment:  Sometimes the explanation is easy but to the person asking the question, the answer is extremely difficult to accept.  Having such conversations taught me an interesting concept, that being, when logic faces emotions, logic tends to lose.  Answering this question can be done with unimpeachable, flawless logic… and the person you’re answering can, in fact, see the logic and follow it intelligently.  Still, the emotional reaction is very powerful and since those emotions tend to be negative in nature, they gain even more power and enough for a logical explanation to be totally ignored.

In a book I’ve been repeatedly reading – and because it’s really good – the main character makes a statement that can be related to this:  “I ignored the evidence of my own eyes and clung to dogma instead of adapting to new understanding.”  In other words, some of us tend to trust and stick to what we believe rather than to accept something that challenges what we believe or is very different from that which we believe.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing… but it makes answering this question for someone frustrating since most people believe that Ed and Fred should never even think about having sex with each other, let alone having the unmitigated gall to actually do it and more so when, theoretically, there’s plenty of pussy to be had.

Collectively, we know that men sex other men and women sex other women – the evidence of this is overwhelming and damned obvious and our intelligence picks up on this easily enough, doesn’t it?  Doesn’t change the fact that it runs counter to what we believe and since it does, the subject question comes up and the answer is deemed to not make a lot of sense.

“How can you suck a man’s dick and like it?”  Typical question in this situation and one could answer, “How can you eat liver and onions?”  or, better, “Why do you suck dick and like it?” (If you’re having this conversation with a woman, mind you…) The answer:  “Because I like it!”  This answer is the same answer to the question… but it’s deemed to be unacceptable because we believe that it shouldn’t be done even though we know it’s being done.

Kinda gives you a headache, doesn’t it?  Now, there are folks who, upon hearing the answer, well, they get it and they do understand what’s at play here.  Cityman, in our discussions about this, feels that a lot of the angst about this can be put to rest if everyone were to be understanding about this… but, as I’ve said, understanding that men and women do this (and despite or in addition to the straight sex they’re having) and accepting it just aren’t the same things.


Posted by on 18 February 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Some Things Ya Might Wanna Not Say

“Aw, man, suck my dick!”

Now, there are a few scenarios when this might be the response to something (right along with, “French kiss my ass!” and, “Fuck you!” and, back in the day, it was a bit of an insult that often had several additional responses, oh, like fists flying, blood being shed, more insults being flung, or being summarily ignored.

I discovered some rather pointed comebacks to such epithets sent my way, like, “Is that an offer?” or, “Sorry, but you’re not my type…,” or, “Here?  In front of everyone?”  If you weren’t good at verbal sparring – playing “The Dozens” (and, no, I don’t know why it’s called that), you could be verbally eaten alive and embarrassed especially if you got into this situation in front of witnesses.

Today, uttering something like this could be construed as an offer of and for sex; one day, I was having a mild disagreement with one of the fellas and was ‘winning’ the discussion when he said, “Aw, blow me, man…” and I laughed… until he let me know he was serious – he wanted his dick sucked.  Didn’t happen but that made me pay closer attention to what guys were saying.  On a subsequent day, I’d forgotten the mental note I left myself about this and during some good natured shucking and jiving, one guy said, “Suck my dick!” and I responded with, “Only if you suck mine first!”

And he said, “Okay!” and had his gear down around his ankles a split second later.  Yeah, it did happen that time but I was kicking myself for my lack of situational awareness.  Not that it was unpleasant but that wasn’t the point, which was being very careful about saying these things around guys (in particular) because you never know when the next words out of his mouth will be insults or he really wants you to slide your dick in his ass or put his dick in your mouth.  At the worst, you can find yourself caught up in an uncomfortable moment; I mean, what do you say to a guy when you tell him to suck your dick and he starts reaching for your belt buckle and/or zipper?

There was a time when you knew who you could play such word games with and who you couldn’t and there are moments when such phrases are tossed your way and the best response is a blank stare…

In a somewhat unrelated change of topic, I was thinking about being asked why men would have sex with each other and while the usual answers flashed through my mind, I got to thinking about bisexuality’s roots so I asked Google a question:  “When was the first recorded instance of bisexuality?”  One reference I found said that, originally, “bisexual” referred to hermaphroditism, where a person could have the, ah, sexual equipment of both men and women but, in the late 1800s, was changed to the definition we know of today.

I even found a reference to ancient Japan and in the time of the samurai, where pedastery was part of a rookie samurai’s training under a more experienced samurai master although the authors of both references made note that any earlier references to bisexuality were lost – one could probably read that as being suppressed, too.  After reading these items, I got the impression that the prohibitions against homosexuality and bisexuality were put in place because these behaviors were known and had to be suppressed because, uh, well, no babies would come from such sexual unions and, perhaps given our warlike nature, it was something to keep the troops somewhat sated between bouts of raping, pillaging, and woman stealing.

I did note that one reference spoke only to male bisexuality; not one word was mentioned about females who might like a slice of the damp when needed.  It kinda made me frown because by omitting female bisexuality, the stigma against male bisexuals are being kept in place.

Here’s the URLs for the mentioned references in case you wanna read them:

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Posted by on 13 February 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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An Update, of Sorts

I had my followup exam after my last surgical procedure and things are looking good but I was impressed because I learned that instead of having my original device removed and replaced, a second device was added and because I had what’s known as an endoleak, a condition that doesn’t happen very often with endograft devices but when they do, it can be minor – no intervention just monitoring – or enough to warrant a fix, you know, just to be on the safe side and the fix can be either a traditional AAA repair or the placement of a second endograft device to reinforce the original device and stop an endoleak.

Not saying that changes in the structure of my arteries wouldn’t happen and cause another leak but the proactive thing is to check me again in six months to confirm no leaks, proper placement and, importantly, that the second device isn’t blocking or restricting blood flow to other areas.  Hopefully, I won’t spring another leak; I’m thinking if I do, I’d be looking at a traditional repair that’s gonna be very invasive and lay me up in the hospital for a week rather than a day or so… a prospect I’m not exactly looking forward to but since I’ve got this urge to keep living, if we gotta go there, we’re going there and judiciously take advantage of the marvelous pain medications available in the hospital.

Getting opened up isn’t my biggest dread – a week of hospital food is and the possibility that I’ll wind up with another troubled roommate like I did the last time and one that’ll deprive me of much needed healing sleep; I won’t get into the details but trust when I say that my last hospital stay was anything but pleasant.

So how am I feeling?  I actually don’t feel any different from when I had the first device implanted outside of my usual aches and pains, like hurting the top of my bad right foot and it taking almost two weeks to heal up on its own and straining a few muscles fixing the new damage that fucking squirrel caused.  My doctor did tell me that this repair might make my butt hurt when I walk and stop hurting when I stopped walking – similar to having peripheral artery disease but I don’t actually have it; the repair was extended downward enough that it was possible but, nah, my butt is just fine when I walk.  I did have an issue with the right-side incision; where it was made caused it to rub and get inflamed like a boil but that’s gotten better over time – it was more annoying than a major problem.

So there you have it!  Yeah, I feel kinda weird knowing I’m sporting two endografts and while I understand the necessity of having two, I gotta remember to ask my doctor when I see him in July just how he managed to get the second device inside the first; obviously, it can be done but the details kinda fascinates me – yup, I’m just nerdy like that.

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Posted by on 1 February 2017 in Life, Living and Loving


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Things That Make You Go… Shit!

Yesterday, I was on the bi guy forum, catching up on things and what I’d been reading inspired me to write a blog there about how bisexual men are waiting for the world to change even more so that one day, we won’t have to stay in shadows but also how despite all the angst, all the biphobia, and all the other negative things all bisexuals face, each and every moment of each and every day, more men and women are taking the plunge and finding that being bisexual – and to whatever degree works for them – isn’t that bad of a thing.

What I’d written for those bi guys was both inspired and probably the best thing I’d written there since joining the site.  I’d just finished writing it, was checking it for errors… and it vanished into the ether and I wasn’t able to recover it.  I’m not sure what happened but I know that websites can have hiccups and shit happens but even knowing this didn’t make me feel good about losing what I’d written; in fact, I was quite miffed about it because there was no way I was gonna be able to fully recreate it.

I could have rewritten the gist of what I’d been thinking but it would have been very different; I might have even recaptured some of the exact words and phrases but I also knew that on the whole, the original message I was trying to convey would have been lost, scattered upon a binary wind of ones and zeros, a victim of the environment in which I was writing in.


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Posted by on 1 February 2017 in Life, Living and Loving



Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Trepidation 

From time to time, I think about the emotions in play when a guy (or even a gal) is on the verge of stepping off the edge of the pool and into the deep end and, today, the emotion that came to mind is trepidation.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines trepidation as, “a nervous or fearful feeling of uncertain agitation” and there’s nothing that fits this description more than knowing with a great deal of certainty that you want to take that first time plunge but also wondering if you’re really doing the right thing.  For the record, you can be quite experienced at this and still run into moments where trepidation arrives to sit on your shoulder and poke you with cold fingers.

On the one hand, “Bruce” knows and has, in his own way, proven to himself that he wants – no, needs – to have the sexual experience of sucking another man’s dick and being sucked in return.  There’s no way to really explain how “Bruce” knows this with  such a high degree of certainty but what causes the trepidation is the sure and certain knowledge that he’s not supposed to even think about engaging in any kind of sex with a man.

The social implications are daunting and more so should friends/family were to ever discover that “Bruce” even has these illicit desires, let alone contemplating doing something about them.  This source of trepidation is bad enough, but not as bad as the trepidation our hypothetical guy is feeling about whether or not he can actually go through with this and enjoy it as much as he’s probably done within the privacy of his thoughts.

It makes sense in that how can one be sure that they’re going to enjoy something they’ve actually never done for real?  Yes, you can, indeed, run multiple and probable scenarios in your head; you can research this kind of sex from a lot of perspectives and sources and, as such, you can assure yourself that, yeah, whenever I get around to doing this – and the sooner, the better – it’s gonna be enjoyable.  Hell, you can even assign percentages based on whatever information you’ve gathered, oh, like, there’s a 95% chance that it will be enjoyable.

You still have to actually do it, though and more trepidation comes to visit because there is still a chance that the pooch will get screwed and definitely not in a good way because, invariably, Bruce’s thoughts are going to turn to every possible thing that can go wrong, from getting caught in the act to having the proof that what he thought was gonna be the rush of a lifetime was, in fact, worse than his worst nightmare.

Trepidation will make a guy (or a gal) keep their toes out of these waters; being overly nervous about stepping (or diving) in right up to being agitated because they’ve become indecisive – do I do this thing… or don’t I?  Again, on the one hand, the need to do this is powerful but getting up the nerve to do it – and then worrying about how it’ll all turn out and the social implications can freeze one in place and frustratingly so.

How does our hypothetical guy handle this?  He’d have to trust himself and no matter what his “gut” is telling him.  Sure, he’d have to develop a level of trust in the other guy and he’d better have a set of plans in place to deal with the consequences of his actions.  To that end, I’ve seen guys say, “Fuck it…” and dive in despite the trepidation; I’ve also seen them say those exact words… and stay out of the water.

You can be experienced in this and there’s still a bit of trepidation in play because, well what you wanna do involves another person and people aren’t always so easily predictable and it doesn’t take a whole lot for a situation to experience a turn for the worst.  Even the most experienced guy (or gal) understands that there are just too many variables in play or, as someone once told me, the moment of absolute certainty never arrives.  Then, in the face of this, it’s all about doing everything you can humanly do to achieve the desired outcome… or not doing anything at all… then being agitated over the consequences of your inactions.

Even better, the wise words of Jedi Master Yoda:  “Do or do not – there is no try.”


Posted by on 30 January 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: First-time Head

The first time a guy gets a blowjob from another guy can be… interesting.  Sometimes they’re so nervous that if you didn’t know that the guy’s been sucked by women, you’d swear it was his first time ever.  Some are blasé about it; after all, it’s not as if they’ve never been sucked before, right?  Ha, some are pretty confident that you could suck their dick for hours and not get them to cum.

When male mouth meets dick, well, in my own experiences, I’ve found it hard not to laugh at times at the reactions, from being totally astonished right up to a near-immediate release of gooey spunk.  Some guys grin, some have a look on their face that says they don’t believe that what just happened did happen; some are so stunned that they were induced to cum that you’d think they had slipped into some kind of fugue state as their brain processes what was for them something once thought to be impossible.

If you pay close enough attention, you might even see the exact moment when they realize that getting sucked off by a guy (a) wasn’t as bad as they were led to believe and (b) perhaps a bit different from the same experience with a woman (not that women are bad at it, mind you).  Some guys are pretty shook up and, yes, at times, not in a good way which is kinda expected since they just had everything they thought they knew about a blowjob smashed like a broken pane of glass; it’s one thing to know that guys give other guys head – something else to actually experience it – and the guilt that often shows up can be a bitch to deal with because, damn, you just did what you were told never to do and, to make matters worse, you liked it…when you weren’t supposed to.

In contrast – and while giving a guy his first time being blown by another guy is quite special in my opinion – the first time a guy sucks dick can be just as interesting and even a bit traumatic for some.  It’s one of those things, like so many other things in life, where doing it seems to be a really great idea and one that’s quite arousing… until you’re actually face to crotch with another guy’s dick (hard or soft, doesn’t matter at this point).  It’s a moment of truth and one that I believe is much more difficult than lying back and having “Ed” eating your dick like a cherished delicacy.

Some guys just dive right in; in their mind, they’ve said, “Fuck it…” and get started before they can change their minds.  Some are what I’d call reluctantly cautious; they’re in the moment but can’t chicken out (male ego, ya know) and they start slowly, first with some manual manipulation then to a kiss or a lick (or both) before deciding that, okay, that didn’t kill me so let’s try actually sucking.  As I’ve related, I’ve seen this moment go south, from guys deciding that as much as they wanted to do this, nope, can’t do it right up to being physically ill and complete with emesis – that’s throwing up in medical terms.

One guy I talked to years ago told me about his first time sucking dick and he had said, with lots of nervous laughter, that everything had been going fine; he’d gotten over that initial moment of revulsion and was having a grand time sucking when, the next thing he knew, his mouth was flooded with sperm.  I couldn’t help it – I laughed until my sides hurt and when I was able to speak, I asked him, “Well, what did you think was gonna happen if you kept sucking on his dick?”

When he stopped laughing, he told me that he knew that the guy might cum but, at the same time, hadn’t given it any thought.  He learned, as so many guys have learned, that to watch some porn and see a guy busting a nut in a woman’s mouth is one thing… but to feel sperm flowing into your own mouth for the first time, well, that’s more than an eye-opener.  Some guys just deal with it – they spit it out or swallow it; some guys find that, um, yuck, while sucking dick is nice, er, dealing with the results is kinda unpleasant.

A bunch of us we sitting around getting pretty plastered one hot summer day and I’ll say eventually, we got to talking about sex, which led to everyone having a tent in their pants.  One guy was crowing about his prowess, someone else called him on it, and the first guy had said, “Aw, man, suck my dick!”

To everyone’s surprise, the other guy said, “Can I suck your dick?” – and then we were equally stunned when the first guy kinda shrugged and pulled out his dick (and, no, it wasn’t as big as he’d said it was, if you’re wondering). Just before the second guy lowered his head, he told the first guy not to cum in his mouth; I was buzzed but not so buzzed that I not only knew what was gonna happen but what was gonna happen after that.

I get why the second guy said that but, uh, didn’t he think that because he asked first guy not to cum in his mouth, that’s exactly what was gonna happen?  We sat watching this, our dicks as hard as granite – who knew these two guys were into this? – and, sure enough, the first guy gasped and cursed and the guy doing the sucking got “that look” on his face as the spunk started flowing and what I found funny is that the second guy swallowed it all first… then jumped up and punched the first dude dead in the face – and the fight was on.

I saw the second guy a few days later and he told me that, for one, he had no idea what made him ask to suck that other guy’s dick since he’d never done it before.  Yes, he did think that because he told the first guy not to cum in his mouth, his request would be honored and respected.

All I said was, “Really?”

He had a contrite look on his face but later confessed that he did like sucking dick and swallowing the load, while unexpected, wasn’t really all that bad and, oh, yeah, he’d appreciate it if I didn’t mention any of that to the fellas – and I didn’t (and, no, he didn’t “bribe” me to keep quiet, if you’re wondering).  Almost forgot to mention that the fight kinda ended as a draw and no one really got hurt – it was pretty funny, though…

A lot of guys who suck dick for the first time do discover that, hmm, it’s not really all that bad, that it can be rather erotic and quite stimulating.  The taboo of sucking a guy’s dick lends a certain “nasty but in a good way” excitement to the moment just as the guilt behind disregarding the taboo can be devastatingly bad.  Some guys understand that, okay, if a woman can suck a dick, then a guy can, too; some finally get to understand why some women aren’t all that fond of sucking dick… but why some women are fanatics about doing it.

Some guys give a blowjob that one time and never do it again; some guys get totally hooked on it and are often surprised that they’re hooked – those of you who suck dick can better understand why, right?  Maybe it’s just my opinion but a guy’s first time being sucked by a man and doing some sucking isn’t something to be taken lightly.  We tend to frown upon men who are into this and, in past times, have viewed them as being unmanly… but any guy who has survived his first time will tell you that it takes guts, balls, nerve, courage, whatever, to suck another man’s dick and make him cum.

Certainly, friends, it’s not something every man can do or would even want to do… or even should do, for that matter.  In my own experiences, I’ve actually tried to talk them out of it since I’ve seen first hand how badly this can go both physically and emotionally…

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Posted by on 26 January 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Eager to Please

For bisexual men, finding a willing (and often, compatible) male partner can be daunting, frustrating, or seemingly impossible depending on where one lives.  From what I’ve been seeing here and there, if you’re looking for a guy to get busy with, Atlanta and San Francisco two of the places to be.  Alas, this isn’t about having to scrounge for plane tickets to these cities as much as it is about the kind of men one can run into in their searches.

There are the guys who talk a good game and even post highly suggestive pictures; ah, man, these guys can drive you nuts because they say all of the right things up to including setting up meets that, sadly, they have no intentions on keeping.  Why they don’t is varied but it’s been my experience that guys like this like the fantasy of throwing down with another guy but aren’t really inclined to make actions match the intensity of their words… or they get their jollies fucking with hopeful men.

There are the macho, overly aggressive guys who come across as pushy, demanding, insular, arrogant and other adjectives that singles them out more as royal assholes than potential sex partner.  It’s not a question if they can deliver the good as stated but, as I tend to say to these guys, “You can’t ask me any better than that?”  For them, it’s all about what they want to do and whatever it is you desire falls on deaf ears, is seen as insignificant or irrelevant; you try to get your two cents worth in and some of these guys will question your manliness in some very uncool ways.  Oh, these guys do very much appeal to other men but there’s no excuse for being rude and boorish, is there?

Then there are the guys who seem to always be pressed for time; they wanna do whatever as long as the festivities began five minutes ago and, for some reason, you just can’t seem to pick any time that’ll make them happy unless you just happened to be sitting outside their current location by pure chance when they hit you up… and then they’d get irritated if you took too long to park your car, get inside and naked, and get the party started.

There are the guys who are into… stuff that most would find distasteful and downright disgusting, like those fellas who are into water sports and scat and other things that even hardcore bisexual men would find very weird.  Any guy who’d want me to come over, put on a diaper, and then pee all over him is someone I’d rather avoid, thank you very much.

Now, the guys who are eager to please, well, they may seem like a godsend; they’re not pushy or demanding, not into weird shit, they’re most certainly not teasing you or leading you on and time isn’t an issue.  They want your dick and in anyway you care to give it to them… and these are the guys who scare me the most.  I know – that doesn’t make a lot of sense and more so when, at least on the surface, these men are the easiest ones to have sex with.  Whenever I’ve run across these men, wow, either they have a very bad case of “candystoreitis” – they’ve gotten that taste for this kind of sex and are now just buck wild about getting more – or they have the potential to get stuck to you tighter and closer than white on rice.

If you’re not of a mind to get involved with other men on deeper levels – like FWB – these guys could pose a problem.  Oh, don’t get me wrong here:  These guys are, typically, lots of fun to have sex with; what they may lack in experience and skill they more than make up with boisterous, infectious enthusiasm – you just gotta love the fact that they are so eager to please that they’re willing to do stuff they’ve told you they’re not into, like, getting boned in the butt, for instance.

I’ve learned- and, yes, the hard way – that the problems with these men isn’t the sex you can have with them:  It’s what happens after you do and some can be damned annoying when they start asking for more naked time with you and, for some men, time they don’t have to spend.  They can get on your last good nerve in so many ways that they’ll make you wonder why you bothered to bed them in the first place and, I’ll say often enough, you can wind up disrupting other plans for your time to give them the dick… just to shut them up and in the hopes they’ll stop bugging you.

Good luck with that.  Even when you make it known and clear that you’re not interested in any long term encounters – and they say that they understand this – yeah, good luck with that…

It’s not that this kind of guy can’t be managed – they can be… but at what cost to you?  Now, if your life isn’t all that busy, fine but if you’re like most guys – got a job, other friends, maybe even other or favored hookups, or a family, you just don’t have the time and, ultimately, the patience to accommodate the eager to please guy who’s gone from an exuberant sexual partner to being an albatross super glued around your neck.


Posted by on 16 January 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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