Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Lest You Forget…

…bisexuals are also heterosexual and many are heterosexual by “default,” for lack of a better word. When you look at the famous Kinsey scale, it goes from zero to six, with zero being “totally heterosexual” and six being “totally homosexual” but the debate these days – and some that insist that the Kinsey scale is outdated – is what’s between zero and six which, duh, is one, two, three, four, and five.

A lot of bisexuals, on the Kinsey scale, are a 2; mostly heterosexual, occasionally homosexual. Some feel that they’re a 3 on the scale, which is the 50/50 point and probably the point that makes people think that if you’re bisexual, you should interact with men and women equally. Four to five basically says one is more homosexual than heterosexual. But what’s being discovered – and the thing that does kinda invalidate Kinsey’s findings – is that bisexuals are more fluid in their behavior than the scale actually indicates and that bisexuals can be “all over the scale” if that’s where their desires are taking them and this greater “flexibility” can change from one moment to the next instead of it being said, “Once a 2, always a 2…” or something that’s rather static and, thus, blunting a bisexual’s fluidity.

One should keep in mind that the Doctors Kinsey came out with their report way back when I was born in the 1950s and we’ve learned a lot more about bisexuality than those worthy researchers knew about back then – but they knew enough to open people’s eyes about human sexuality and set a standard that, until recently, was widely accepted.

It’s just that when people see or hear “bisexual,” they almost always think “homosexual” which, duh, really gets people’s attention and, methinks, makes them forget that we’re also heterosexual or, being a guy and all that, it’s the thing that makes me tell such folks that, um, I love me some women and pussy. It’s the thing that makes people ask, “Which do you prefer?” or, kinda classically, “If you had to choose…” and that’s just it and the fallacy of such questions because if you’re bisexual, the answer is – or should be – “I choose/prefer both!” and now you get into the nitpicking aspects, like those folks who’ll say they’re not bisexual because they won’t play with a dick/pussy all of the time.

They think frequency has something to do with this… and it doesn’t but, hey, whatever makes you sleep easier at night. It’s not when you do a thing in this but the fact that you’d do it and under the right conditions and situations.

And, in case you were wondering, when I’ve been asked these questions, I usually have two answers, both of which are “valid” to me. The first is, “I’d take the pussy first… but I wouldn’t say no to the dick…” and the second is, “Hmm… that depends on how I’m feeling; I might want the dick first… sure as fuck wouldn’t say no to the coochie.” The funny thing is what people pay attention to, like, I wouldn’t say no to the dick… when they should notice that my answers don’t exclude pussy and, frankly, they never will because, um, you know, pussy is always good.

I just think that folks have to be reminded that bisexuality isn’t all same-sex stuff – it’s just as opposite sex, too and, of course, depending on an individual’s situation. It’s such a nitpicky kind of thing that even bi guys go out of their way to quantify their behaviors, i.e., do you like dick more than pussy or vice-versa and, admittedly, I find this kinda funny because I don’t see the point in asking such things except, maybe, if a guy is questioning themselves as to whether they’re more gay than bi or, on the Kinsey scale, more of a 4 or 5 than anything else. This is understandable and more so if a guy finds himself playing with dick more than pussy.

And even if this is the case with someone, it doesn’t negate their desire for the opposite sex; they might not be getting a lot of pussy… doesn’t mean they don’t want any should it be offered.

I’d suppose that given the lingering angst toward homosexuality, it’s just easier for those who care to keep bitching about this to lump bisexuals into this mold and ignoring opposite sex attractions… well, except to get women thinking that being with a bi guy is guaranteed to kill them because, you know, all bi guys automatically come with HIV and they can get HIV just thinking about looking at a dick and/or deciding that they’re bisexual.

Yeah, right… sure. Still and despite this particular thing, when you think “bisexual” just don’t think homosexual-only because, duh, that kinda defeats the purpose of “going both ways,” doesn’t it? It appears to me that, socially, we have such a fear of homosexuality that it gives us a bad case of tunnel vision that makes us only look at one side of this equation and in the same vein that makes some people think that bisexual women are really lesbians in denial and they’re only getting the D to “keep up appearances of being heterosexual.” We still have issues getting our heads around the fact that human sexuality isn’t black or white – you’re either straight or gay and, sadly, thinking this way shows a level of… immaturity that’s disturbing given that it’s not the truth of things and as forever evidenced by the fact that we’re still pitching a bitch about people being bisexual.

If it ain’t real, what are people fussing about? Why do we keep asking, “men or women?” when the reality is “men and women” and now it’s just a matter of personal preference as to what a bisexual spends most of their time having fun with and I mentioned way back in the beginning, most bisexuals are heterosexual by default – it’s the way they behave in the majority of times and probably that lends itself to the accusation that bisexuals are taking advantage of some kind of straight privilege, something I find patently ridiculous since bisexuals are both straight and gay but neither thing exclusively.

It’s just amazing how, on the whole, we just overlook this as not being significantly important. Bi guys like pussy just as bi gals like dick – and just like any straight person would… we bisexuals just don’t discriminate if it’s dick/pussy being offered; if it’s some same-sex interaction that’s wanted and/or needed, okay, we can do that and many of us even understand that just because we can do it that way doesn’t mean we always have to do things that way which, interestingly enough, is why a lot of guys “forget” about liking dick as long as they’re getting pussy… but when the coochie dries up (and for any reason), they go back to gorging themselves on cock if they can actually get it.

For some, it’s an interesting change of pace, a bit of “dietary diversity” that can be enjoyed because, uh, it can be enjoyed. And, I think, despite the inherent fluidity of bisexuality, people just tend to always be in their default behavior until they have reason not to be… and a whole lot of bisexuals are heterosexual in their every day default behavior until they’re made an offer that they’re not of a mind to refuse.

I don’t often write about this aspect because, probably due to a fault that’s mine, it’s a no-brainer of sorts – I know that bi guys love women and pussy right along with having a thing for a hard dick and due to this oversight, I kinda forget that a reminder should be made that speaks to the dual nature of our sexuality for that, I do apologize.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is There Really a Difference?

Yesterday, I was looking at the new tweets that showed up on Twitter and, as usual, I saw a few things about bisexuality and… gender and as I scanned them, I felt my eyes rolling all by themselves to see how the definition of bisexual has changed to include gender and as my mind thought, “Is this trip really necessary?”

I get the inclusion of gender… I just don’t agree with it because it’s nitpicking and, given that gender is defined as the act of being male or female, well, it’s confusing and more so when you take into consideration that some folks today see themselves as being genderless or asexual. For eons, what being male or female meant was established and defined: Men did this, women did that even when times changed to the point where men would take on roles that were originally for women-only, just like women were taking on roles that were historically for men only because the old role assignments might have worked back in the day but, clearly, weren’t working going forward in time.

Even when gender reassignment became a “thing” some folks needed to do in order to be right with themselves, okay, I get it even though I still have a “problem” really understanding how someone can be born into the wrong body and more so when, um, you don’t have any say in that at all when conception took place but, sure, I can get my head around it enough to understand how transgender folks feel and think.

What I discovered – and what caused my disagreement with the currently accepted definition of bisexuality – is that even a transgender person can be bisexual so does this emphasis on gender really make a difference when it comes to being bisexual and more so when even if one undergoes the surgery, they’re still male or female or, yeah, both in form should they choose not to lose the genitalia they were born with, not to mention the whole XX/XY thing that says you’re male or female when sperm meets egg.

It is what it is and there’s no disputing that and regardless to what I think about it… I just think making gender a “highlight” of bisexuality is redundant since bisexuality is just as much emotional as it is physical and, to be a bit general about it, anyone can be bisexual if that’s the way they wanna be. For the longest time, I thought that I was just out of touch with things and that I was just sticking with what I knew without accepting any new realities but after a lot of thought I discovered that, no, I’m not as out of touch as I thought myself to be but I fail to see where there’s any real differences at work here when looking at the root of bisexuality itself – it’s both same-sex and opposite sex stuff and without any regard to the sex one is born into… or the sex that one changes themselves to be.

A pansexual friend of mine defined pansexuality in a way that includes gender and I admitted, then and now, that I didn’t see a difference other than the inclusion of transgender folks and more so when “Ben” decides he’s really and truly “Beverly…” and “Beverly” likes women just as much as “Ben” did and despite becoming, for all intents and purposes, female.

I’m not saying that transgender folks don’t deserve a seat at the table because they do and just like anyone else who decides that being bisexual is the way to go and regardless of the form one is in – I just continue to feel that we’re overthinking things too much as well as complicating something that’s already overly complicated for a great many people. What I don’t understand is why, other than our seemingly natural habit to make things more complicated than they have to be so that we can, supposedly, make better sense of the world around us.

I think about the Hearts Not Parts gang and, again, it’s not like I don’t understand what they’re saying because I do; I don’t agree with their overall assessment that the parts shouldn’t matter when the reality is, um, they do matter, that and it’s patently ridiculous to think or otherwise believe that when one is bisexual, they’re not taking into consideration the “hearts” – the person they want to engage with because you do, in fact, look at someone and either feel the chemistry at work or are interested enough in them to want to find out as much as you can about them before you get naked with them and have sex… or anything else, for that matter.

The overall message, methinks, is that love, sex, and relationships should be without the current boundaries that were put into place eons ago and boundaries that we still maintain… I just think we’re making this message more complicated than it has to be by making pointed stipulations and conditions that are, well, not as necessary as we make them out to be. Clearly, people are bisexual and without any regard to race, color, creed, ethnicity and, yes, even gender – even if you accept that gender is defined as the act of being male or female, um, don’t males and females fall in love, get horny as fuck, and want to have sex and in any way they can manage to do so?

We accept that men can have sex exclusively with other men, just as women can exclusively have sex with other women and let’s not forget that sex isn’t the only interactions possible. We’re having an overall “problem” getting our collective heads around the fact that there are people who aren’t so… exclusive in their pursuits, be they emotional, physical, or both so the insistence of gender being a hard-set determining factor is, again and in my opinion, redundant and unnecessary given how bisexual just transcends all of the “normal” boundaries to begin with.

Being a life-long Trekkie taught me something: “A difference that makes no difference is no difference…” and despite everything I’ve read about gender being key to bisexuality, I’m still unconvinced that this is a discernible difference other than we’re deliberately making it one… when we really don’t need to make it one. Then there’s this to be considered:

There are a lot of guys (in particular) who are utterly fascinated with transsexual folks and guys who’d give their left nut to, ah, be intimate with such a person. Certainly, a transsexual’s gender can be questioned: Are they male in their behaviors or are they female or a very curious mixture of both? There are guys who see transsexuals – lady boys, she-males, T-girls – whatever, and what they see is, bluntly, a guy with tits and are either gorgeous in their other feminine appearances or, um, bluntly, they make for some not-so-attractive women.

And some guys would rather not run across one and no matter how delicious and sensual they appear. But it’s all a matter of personal preference when you get right down to it but because there are guys, again, who’d love to engage with a transsexual because they are transsexual, is the gender of a transsexual really of any great importance? I don’t think so since the “mixed sex message” transsexuals display (and proudly so, I might add) isn’t the only thing that some guys find fascinating about them.

Hearts play into this as much as those curious and fascinating parts do. Let’s not forget that there are women who are just as fascinated by transsexuals and not because of the sex that’s possible so gender, as a specific and necessary “qualification” in defining bisexuality doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me other than our natural tendency to just nitpick shit to the nth degree as we try to make sense of it all.

Cityman asked me if I’d sleep with a transsexual or transgender and while I admitted that I’ve never slept with a transgender, I know a couple of them and they are, indeed, interesting people and that, yes, I’ve slept with a transsexual who was just as interesting as a person and, wow, it was one hell of a sexual experience but one, I think, can only really be appreciated in either sense if one is bisexual, you know, given what the nature of bisexuality is and that it’s not just about the sexual part.

Is there really a difference? I still don’t think there is but what I don’t know is why everyone else seems to think there is one other than, perhaps, they think there should be one. What “bothers” me somewhat is that it appears that I’m “the only one” who doesn’t think this gender difference is really a difference but, really, chances are that I’m not the only one who thinks this way…

I’m just the guy who’ll say something about it. What really fascinates me is that when I’m of a mind to “fuck” with someone who believes that gender is a major issue, I’ll ask them why this is… then sit back and watch them falling all over themselves trying to explain it and noticing that in their passionate discourse, ah, um, fuck, they’re unable to tell me why this should make a difference even though they believe that there is one.

It may be a perceived difference in the minds of many… doesn’t seem to be a difference rooted in reality because bisexuality, in and of itself, just trashes everything we believe about love, sex, and even relationships as it straddles a line and a line that we created… as well as a line that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn’t be there in the first place or, really, should be removed as it serves no real purpose given that people are going to behave in whatever way works for them: Same sex, opposite sex, both and, yeah, without much regard to the highly touted gender issue.

Whew.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Pull the Trigger

It’s a difficult thing for some budding bisexuals to do, even after spending x-amount of time investigating this same-sex thing to the best of their ability and with any means at their disposal. Even when armed with all the information they can gather, both the good and bad of it, there’s still the moment of truth; likewise, regardless of how well they’ve convinced themselves that this has to be done, not only to answer all those questions but to put their minds at ease, the moment of truth trips a lot of people up.

Once again, I point out that despite what we tend to believe, thinking and doing aren’t the same things.

It’s a paralyzing moment in time, the polar opposite of the mind being willing but the flesh being weak. The flesh is anything but weak but the mind is all over the place as it rehashes every little nitpicking thing that it’s already processed and even then tending to focus on the negatives. I don’t really know how it works with women – they don’t really talk about such things and if they do, they sure as hell don’t talk about it with guys so much but with guys, getting to the point where they can pull the trigger is often filled with moments of false starts and even more moments of second-guessing themselves and to the extent that I’ve seen guys be naked and obviously quite aroused, their finger poised on the trigger…

And they just can’t squeeze it. I’ve seen all kinds of reactions in this moment, from panic/anxiety attacks to becoming physically ill, from guys crying as if someone just murdered their favorite pet to even guys laughing hysterically when, obviously, this moment of truth is anything but a laughing matter. Once, a guy was so… discombobulated in this moment that he wound up spraying spunk all over me and elsewhere and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t even aware that his body was doing it.

I’ve seen guys get bitch-slapped with the truth of themselves; they thought they could do it, knew they wanted to and even had to and in that moment of truth, well, it’s not that they’re “wrong” about the decisions they’ve made that got them to this critical point.

It’s that shit just got very real and way beyond anything they could have imagined. Now, some guys, in this very terrifying moment, wind up just saying, “Fuck it!” and they pull the trigger even though, inside their head, their thoughts and feelings are so jumbled and confusing that thinking almost becomes impossible to do – it’s their brain on overload and trying to process a crazy amount of information in a really short period of time. I’ve seen that “Fuck it!” moment on their faces and I’ve actually heard them say this and, being the ever-curious person I’ve always been, it makes me wonder just what was going on in their head that made them “throw caution to the wind” and utter those two words to themselves or aloud.

It’s easy to say to a guy standing on the precipice to just take that last step when their thoughts and feelings are so frenzied that even if they literally had to take one step, they can’t do it. I’ve seen guys get really pissed with themselves because they’ve gotten right there, everything is good and ready to go and they’re almost literally frozen in place, their finger on that metaphysical trigger and maybe even squeezed almost to the trigger break…

And I’ve wondered what’s going on in their minds in that moment and I’ve been fortunate to have had a lot of guys tell me about this and as best they can. It’s generally a mix of fear and excitement, a lot of uncertainty mashed up with certainty and along with this mishmash of confusing thoughts and feelings, the more prevailing thought of whether or not they’re really trying to do the right thing for themselves.

I’ve even had them ask me, “Am I doing the right thing?” and the bad part for me is that it’s a question I cannot answer for them and, really, no one can except, duh, the guy asking the question.

They say that, usually, the first answer you come up with is usually the right one and my mom used to tell us, “If you study long, you study wrong.” I used to wonder what the hell that meant but what I eventually learned is that you can come up with the right answer the first time but the more you think about it, you’ll eventually – and somehow – manage to convince yourself that the answer you initially came up with isn’t the right answer and, oddly, it’s something one can see when taking multiple-choice tests.

As a mentor and a “first-time provider,” this is the moment in time where I’ll tell a guy who can’t finish pulling the trigger to not force himself to pull it: If you can’t, then don’t. I’ve heard of other guys in this situation insisting that the trigger be pulled and, often, with disastrous results for the other guy. I’ve had this suggestion met with some extra confusion and guys asking me, “Don’t you want to do this?” And, for me, there’s only one answer.

“I’d love to… but not at the expense of your sanity. This isn’t about me – this is about you.” I’ve even found myself explaining that for me, this is a no-brainer – it’s not something I have to really give a lot of thought about because, duh, this isn’t my first time but, importantly, this isn’t my first time giving a guy his first time and I’ve learned a few things about this, like, if the guy can’t do it, don’t let him do it.

To the question of how one can get to the moment of truth and complete the trigger pull, my answer probably isn’t what one would say a good one: I don’t know other than they have to find it within themselves to take the next step and not let their fears or other concerns make them “study wrong.” Which, of course, is easier said than done. If you think that you’re about to make a mistake, well, let’s not let that happen. If you’re not sure, let’s just stop and do nothing until such time you are sure.

And if you never get to a moment of certainty, that’s fine and it’s nothing to be ashamed of because, remember, I did tell you that doing this ain’t as easy as it might appear to be.

For anyone thinking about taking the plunge, ya need to be aware of this moment. You may be 100% sure that this is what you need to do and you can be equally sure that you can do it and I’m the guy who’s telling you that you could get to the moment of truth and it’s time to pull the trigger… and ya might not be able to. I’m the guy telling you there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you can’t – it happens and sometimes it happens to even the most experienced of us.

If you can pull the trigger, then pull it and have fun… but if you can’t, then don’t.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Breaking Free

From time to time, I’ll scribble something about being sexually liberated which can include, but doesn’t necessarily mean, going on a lust-fueled rampage even though that can be a lot of fun for the bold and adventurous. What it’s really about is having your perceptions and thoughts about love, sex, romance, and even relationships rewritten or revised to reflect one’s escape from the current and prevailing dogma regarding these things.

Being bisexual will, to put it kinda crudely and if I may, set your ass free in a hurry and beginning with the very moment you start thinking about it, even if you get to a point in your thinking where you might say, “Yeah, I get it… not sure if I could do that.”

You know how things are supposed to go, how they’re supposed to be just as you’re very much aware of all the things that you’re not supposed to think about, let alone do… but once your mind manages to break free, it’s usually a huge shock to the system to realize that pretty much everything you’ve been told about this is, bluntly, bullshit and bullshit that’s designed to stop you from liberating yourself and making you toe the line as expected, required, and demanded.

Over the decades, I’ve talked with so many men and women who’ve broken free and, to a person, they all speak to how their lives have changed and because their perspective – and pretty much everything they thought they knew – has changed. Yep, we get all hung up on the sexual aspects and they are just as life-changing but breaking free, again, begins when one’s thoughts and perceptions start to change from what’s supposed to be to what the reality of it all is.

For some, breaking free is a bit upsetting and can make one feel kinda lost because the foundation they’ve built their lives upon has crumbled or, at best or worse, isn’t as solid or as firm as it appeared to be. For instance, once upon a time, we thought the world was flat and I don’t know about y’all, but it used to crack me up hearing/reading about the people of that time being so fearful about sailing off the edge of the world since us more modern folks know the world was never flat and you can’t fall off even if you wanted to.

This revised perception changed humans forever even though many remained either doubtful or fearful; you’d tell them, “You know the world really isn’t flat, don’t you?” and they’d respond, “Yeah, but…”

Once you break free of the misconceptions that everyone else tends to believe in, congratulations – you’ve been liberated. Oddly, we can’t seem to keep from confusing homosexuality with bisexuality; we’ve developed a kind of tunnel vision that only allows folks to see the homosexual side of this and not the heterosexual side so much. We apply the same kind of angst, bias, and even prejudice that has been a chain around the necks of every homosexual that’s ever existed because of this tunnel vision or, to be blunt about it, because we just cannot accept – or don’t want to accept – the truth/reality that says, um, not everyone is straight or wants to be.

We know this but knowing it isn’t quite the same as finding yourself breaking free and liberating yourself from the prevailing dogma and, again, yeah – even if you say that you can kinda/sorta understand why someone would be bisexual but it’s not something you’d do. Which is the point where I’d say, “Never say never; you’re just asking Mr. Murphy to show up and screw your whole view of things up…”

It is not to say that those who have liberated themselves (or have been liberated) just disregard morality; they have a slightly different view of what it means to be moral, that there are still a lot of things they shouldn’t do while understanding that there are some things that, um, can be bent in certain ways or, really, there are parts of our sexual morality that doesn’t quite jive with the way humans tend to behave.

Cityman and I were talking one night about religion and its impact on our lives and specifically how it mandates and, indeed, exerts control over how we should live, love and, yeah, have sex. It’s not that these mandates are incorrect but how they inhibit and suppress certain aspects of our humanity. We take them as the all-encompassing truth even though there’s always been great awareness that those truths aren’t as true – or as binding – as they were intended to be. Should religion be abolished and, thus, release us from strictures that time has proven aren’t all that effective?

Maybe one day these things will get kicked to the curb and Cityman and I both agree that should that day come, it’s a sure bet that neither one of us will be around to see it. Still, there are a lot of liberated people who are, in fact, quite religious; their faith, such as it can be, is very much intact and is the basis of why a lot of folks who are liberated say, “If God didn’t intend for me to be this way, I wouldn’t be the way I am…” and, of course, “this way” can mean whatever way they’re liberated.

Even straight people find they can be liberated from the prevailing dogma so, again, this isn’t just about sexuality so much. We accept as a given that if you’re in love with someone, you’re not supposed to be able to love anyone else… and if you’re calling bullshit on this one, congratulations: You’ve been liberated. Indeed, this is one aspect of things that confuses the shit out of people until they understand that this whole thing is designed to limit or otherwise control our feelings and keep them focused monogamously.

So you get a lot of people who can admit that they love the person they’re with but, yeah, they also love one or even more people and what they’re feeling is quite real. More, there are many people who understand something very important about this and it’s something that, if you’ve been reading and following along with me, I’ve said numerous times: There’s nothing you can do about the way you feel but you can do something about the way you act on those feelings. You can love someone else with all your heart and soul… doesn’t mean you have to do something about it other than accepting that this is how you feel.

The confusion comes into play because we’re taught that if you love someone, you’re supposed to do A, B, C, X, Y, W, Z… but, yeah, that might be a problem, huh, if you hold true to the prevailing dogma. It fucks with the minds of many and I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve heard someone say that they know they’re not supposed to be in love with anyone other than the person they’re in love with and that they’re wrong for feeling what they’re feeling.

It kinda stands to reason that if you’re not supposed to feel this way, um, you shouldn’t be able to but, of course, humans just don’t work like this, never did, never will. We accept that love is blind and there’s even some verses in the bible (I Corinthians 13:4-8) that tells us what love is and isn’t – and from what I’ve been told, what these verses are really referring to isn’t what we think they are referring to but, yeah, it’s relevant to the way we behave with and toward each other… so, ah, it kinda sorta doesn’t make sense to tell people that love is all that and a bag of chips… but you shouldn’t love more than one person and that if you do, there must be something wrong with you and you’re guilty of being immoral.

I know I’m not the only person who sees and understands this because there are folks right here on WordPress who understand it as well. I’m sure they have their own stories of how they came to understand this and, in that understanding, liberate themselves from the prevailing dogma and, indeed, all around the world, people will say that life is too short not to enjoy it to the fullest extent possible and if that means breaking the dogmatic chains that are keeping them from doing this, okay – get me a hammer and chisel and let me get started breaking some of these chains that are holding me back.

Not that everything is going to be all peaches and cream because life doesn’t work like that but if it’s true that we make our own heaven or hell right here on earth, there’s a lot of us who are working more towards “heavenly” things while trying to avoid the “hellish” aspects and as much as possible.

End of the day, it comes down to that right to self-determination. You can choose to stay inside the lines when you “color” your life… or you can splash your colors all outside of the lines; it always comes down to what best works for you. It begs what I’ll call an “eternal” question: Who are the real “weirdos” – those who stay in the box or those who dare to step outside of the box?

It reminds me of those arguments you may have gotten into while growing up where you’re calling each other weirdos back and forth and until someone says, “It takes one to know one.”

Hmm.

 

KDaddy’s General Observations: Two Songs

I’ve been a musician since I was seven, formally trained and all that, even spent a lot of years being in bands in school and not even school related and, as such, when I listen to music, some songs are just nice while others are like, wow – talk about being moved by either the lyrics or the musicality of the song itself.

For the last, oh, month or so, two songs have seriously gotten my attention which, overall, isn’t all that unusual by itself except, well, let’s say that it’s a good thing that you can’t wear out a song file all that easily.

The first song is one by a collaboration of musicians that until I heard this song, I never heard of them – except for their drummer. Vinny Valentino, Baron Browne, and drummer Joel Rosenblatt has a song on their album, “Double B Double V,” entitled, “Shake Me” and it’s a spirited, jazzy kind of song although Apple Music classifies the song in the R&B genre. The lyrics are cool and sassy with vocals provided by Chrissi Poland, who seems to also be their resident keyboardist and one of my favorite part of the lyrics is when she says, “Being with me is better than being alone…”

Joel Rosenblatt, formerly the drummer for my favorite jazz group, Spyro Gyra, well, that dude is just fucking amazing with his technique and beats and is one of those drummers who, even when I see him kicking it, makes me wonder, “How does he do that?” He’s just so fluid when he plays and makes the most intricate patterns sound amazing but looks effortless. It takes some, ah, interesting coordination to be able to play drums, getting your hands and feet to pretty much operate on their own but in a coordinated way and, sure, the better your kit is, the better you’re gonna sound… but Joel’s coordination is almost otherworldly as he flows over his kit.

I know that on some songs, some parts are “tricks” of recording, being able to lay down an initial track then go back and add additional tracks, something that’s pretty common but when you hear Joel play, what you hear is what he’s actually doing and it just amazes me how much stuff he can “cram” into a measure of music. Listening to him play – and seeing him perform when he was with Spyro Gyra – has influenced the way I play, just as the late, great Buddy Rich got me interested in playing the drums.

The second song that I’ve been wearing out comes from a smooth jazz artist that, again, I’d never heard of before I stumbled across the song. Steven “Euge Groove” Grove, I found, was a saxophonist for Tower of Power back in the day and, to be honest, not only did I not know this – and ToP is one of my favorite groups – I don’t remember how I found this song. The album is “Got 2 Be Groovin'” and the song is “In Love With You,” with Chanel Haynes providing the haunting, soulful vocals – and before hearing this song, I’d never heard of her, either but a bit of research revealed her gospel roots.

I’m taken with the lyrics and Chanel’s voice; you can hear how happy and joyous she feels about being in love and combined with the song’s score, wow, it just reaches out and touches the right places in me. There’s nothing… flashy about the music itself but the composition is magical and, as mentioned, haunting. The musician in me can listen to the individual parts of the song, a trick that, honestly, I don’t know how I do it although I’m sure that during my training, well, I learned how to do it and it’s something I just do without having to think about it. The drum track is simple but sweet, the bass line is also uncomplicated but in a way that just grabs me but, oddly, one of the things I don’t quite like about the song is Euge’s sax interludes and, for me, I think he’s playing the wrong sax; my ears tells me he’s playing the alto sax when, maybe, the soprano sax would have been a better sound choice… but that doesn’t mean much since I didn’t compose the song.

There’s a… breathiness in the way he plays on this song that doesn’t sound… clean to me; I’m not sure I can explain that except that while the sax parts are nicely woven into the song as a whole, they just don’t seem to really belong there, like the song would be just as good without the saxophone but, again, that’s just my opinion and doesn’t change the fact that I absolutely love this song.

Musically, the meter of the song is… off just a tad and I can hear it in the keyboard parts of the song and that’s one of the things that makes the song so interesting to me as a keyboardist and, indeed, it was the first thing I noticed about the song when I first listened to it; my keyboardist brain said, “Hmm, that’s just a bit off… but I like it!” In music, timing is everything and in another weird way, I can see how this was written in my mind to be just a tad bit off from the 4/4 flow of the song itself.

I stick my earbuds in, open the special playlist I created just for these two songs… and I listen; I get lost in them. One gets me energized, the other gets me feeling the mood of the song and carried away by the flow of it. Both are musically and vocally engaging.

I do question Apple Music’s classification of “Shake Me,” though. Like I said, it’s in the R&B genre when it’s clear to me that it’s more of a jazz composition than an R&B one but, again, that’s just my own opinion but, hey, if you want to, you can give it a listen and make your own determination on the genre of the song. If you don’t have Apple Music or some other service, you can hear both songs on YouTube.

I listen to a lot of music; most of the space on my iPhone and iPad is taken up by music more than apps and I keep telling myself that I need to get in there and clean things up and to remove music that I haven’t listened to in a while… except, there’s no telling when a particular song is going to pop into my head and needs to be listened to again.

Oh, well.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Cheating

Three days ago, Oceanswater asked this question in response to my “TBT: Do What You Gotta Do” scribble:

“My question is concerning “cheating,” and do married men and women that you’ve heard from consider the fact that they, just like heterosexuals are still cheating on his/her spouse?”

Cheating is one of those things that crosses any boundary you can throw in front of it. It is the bane of any relationship, the “threat” that hangs over one’s head, the one thing no one wants to happen to them and/or their relationship as well as something that makes us so paranoid that some folks get into their head that their new partner is gonna cheat on them at some point and they’re paying more attention to this than they are anything else – usually not a good thing since, in this, you’re guilty of doing something that you might not even be thinking about.

Bisexuals in relationships are, in my opinion and in my experience, in the worst possible situation imaginable, whether they’re married or not – we hold unmarried couples to the same rules and standards that married people are held to by law. Now, before I really get into this, let’s get one thing straight: Not all bisexuals are gonna cheat on their partner so that bullshit about bisexuals not being able to commit to anything and stay committed is just that – bullshit.

Having said that, yes – some bisexuals do cheat and, yes, there are some who actually believe – or want to believe – that just because they’re engaging in some same-sex action, it’s not cheating when in fact, it is and anyone who thinks it isn’t, well, I just don’t know why they would. Classically, it’s that thing where “Jane” finds out that her man has been bonking another woman and, in his defense, he says something like, “I didn’t fuck her! All she did was suck my dick!”

Yeah, right… like that ever works even when it’s the truth, right?

We hold true that no one should ever have a reason to cheat and that, really, there is no reason for it – it’s just inexcusable… and that’s some pie-in-the-sky crap and obvious so since, um, people do cheat. When one gets busted for this, the person who got busted can try to explain why they did what they did until they lose their voice and nothing – nothing – they’re gonna say will be accepted as a legitimate reason for being unfaithful.

Do bisexuals know that even if they get with another man/woman that they are cheating? Yeah, they do know and, in most cases, it’s not a decision they made easily or without giving it a lot of thought weighing the pros, cons, and consequences of such an action. They are, however, guilty with reason, Your Honor and while we like to believe that no one has a reason for this, well, that’s kinda insane. Why do people cheat?

Cheating happens when someone’s needs are being ignored or otherwise not being taken care of in the way they think they should be and the needs can be emotional, physical, or both. We also hold true that when two people are in a relationship – married or not – they are supposed to be alpha and omega; all you will ever need and supposed to need is them… except, there’s a fallacy at work here in that you are charging someone to take care of every or any need that they have now and in the unforeseeable future.

Bisexuals get all fucked up behind this… highly improbably and difficult mandate because they find they need something that their partner cannot provide them with, let alone do anything about or, if “Hank” finds that he needs to play with a dick as a part of his sexual needs and satisfaction, his woman, well, she’s a woman and with some exceptions, doesn’t have a dick. Likewise, if “Jane” needs the touch of another woman, there’s ain’t shit a man can do about that since, duh, he’s not a woman (with exceptions again), is he?

That’s a problem and one could argue that no one should ever want to do such a thing, well, that thought is bullshit, too. So there’s some decisions to make and none of them are what I’d call good ones. Obviously, the first decision is to not do a damned thing about getting what you need, obey the rules and stand pat even though it leaves one open to being frustrated, depressed, irritable and a few other things that will manifest themselves – right away or over time – and lend themselves to fucking up the relationship.

One can avoid being “stuck in place” with this by dissolving the relationship freeing themselves from that “keep only unto yourself” thing that, again, is mandated even for unmarried couples… except, that’s not always a smart thing to do and more so when, outside of this issue, there’s nothing wrong with the relationship – it’s like throwing the baby out with the bath water, if you will.

One could ask for permission to get that which they need and that which their partner can’t or, realistically, won’t provide… and good luck with that one. It is to note that some can ask for permission and get it and with the understanding that it comes with a price or what’s good for the goose and all that but “Jane” going to her man and asking for his permission to be able to ravage some woman’s daughter might not go over well and sometimes not even if the guy thinks that two girls getting it on is hot and sexy; it’s okay for two other women to be like this but, damn it, not his woman because all she should ever need is his dick.

The first thing, well, many aren’t of a mind to put this kind of destructive stress on themselves; the second thing can also be quite undesirable and the third thing is so highly unlikely that most folks won’t even bother to ask and just assume the answer is going to be no even though, realistically, if you don’t ask, you really don’t know that your partner is going to reject it but, yeah, that’s what usually happens so why ask, right?

What’s left? Oh, that’s right – cheating. See, no matter how you feel about this subject, no one ever cheats without a reason and sometimes that reason is “shit happens” which, yup, we don’t believe should ever happen even though we know it does; Mr. Murphy is just an asshole like that. The key thing here is that “Hank” can have quite a few reasons to step to the side so he can get some dick and none of them will make sense to the person asking him why he did that and even to the extent that the dreaded, “Yeah, but…” can often make an appearance.

People are always asking how cheating can be avoided or prevented and I can think of two ways right off the top of my head. One is never get into a relationship and the other is to eliminate all possible reasons for cheating or, simply, whatever your partner needs, if you can’t provide it personally, make sure they can get what they need so that everyone involved can be happy and fulfilled and more so when one of the unspoken and, perhaps, even implied tenets of monogamy is that you should be willing and able to do anything for your partner’s happiness – with some exceptions like, um, no, you’re not gonna go out and kill someone or a few other patently ridiculous things.

How many of you reading this would be willing to do either of these two things? And if you’re thinking that you wouldn’t do either thing, now you know why some people cheat. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong – I’m just telling you what I’ve learned about this and that it’s not always about what’s being done but why it is. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing all of the whys I’ve come across and, yeah, some of them even make me roll my eyes but the key thing here is why is a subjective thing, again, something that makes sense to one person but won’t make sense to someone hearing it.

Like, classically, “Hank” steps to the side to get sucked off because his woman either stopped doing it or won’t. Hank knows, even via rumor, that while there are women who’d happily drain his nuts like that, it’s highly conditional and complicated… but there are guys who’d empty his nuts orally and with great and unfettered glee, no strings attached and even without reciprocation. Hank either has a “shit happens” moment or, fuck, he decides he needs to have this done for him (that’s his first mistake in the minds of many) and it’s that important to him that he hooks up with a guy for that.

“Hank” gets busted or outed and now he’s gotta deal with a very pissed off woman who, of course, wants to know why and he can tell her, “Because you won’t do it…” and his reason is unacceptable because, of course, she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to and you can’t make her do it.

You see the problem in this, don’t you? Our boy “Hank,” in the minds of many, is wrong and in a lot of categories, just as “Jane” would be just as wrong for wanting and needing something that her man cannot give her. We just accept that it’s easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission and because it is, not that one is going to be forgiven.

And if you do, in fact, see the problem and are thinking, “Yeah, but…” what are you really saying? That what you believe in always trumps the reality of life? It seems to me that it’s kinda… insane to say that someone does, in fact, have a plausible or reasonable excuse for cheating… and tell them that despite this, they shouldn’t have done it because it’s not ever supposed to be done. Or to assume that because you wouldn’t have a reason to be unfaithful means that no one should ever have a reason for it – but, okay, sure, if “Hank” stepped to the side, you can see why he did.

Or, “Yeah, but…” You can, if you care to, try to rake me over the coals on this one but I gotta tell you that you’re just wasting your time because I’m the guy who’s telling you something and maybe even something you’d rather not want to know about. People cheat; infidelity is an equal opportunity kind of thing that can affect anyone at any time, regardless of shit like sexuality, marital status, whatever. I know why people cheat and, yeah, I’ll even tell you that some people cheat because they can’t get their heads around being monogamous and that there are social scientists who are tossing it out there that being monogamous is an unnatural thing for humans to do so if ya wanna bitch at someone about this, go bitch at them and if you are bitching about it – and thinking about tarring and feathering me for having the audacity to scribble about it, could it be you’re riffing because there could be some truth to this… but a truth you’re unwilling to accept?

There is always the way things are supposed to be… then there’s the way things really are. We’re not supposed to cheat or otherwise be unfaithful… doesn’t ever change the fact that it happens. Maybe you wouldn’t do it, which is all well and good, noble, and moral; doesn’t mean someone would never have a reason to even if that reason only makes sense to them.

Still the guy who’ll tell you this whether you agree or not. You don’t have to but if you ever really wanted to know why – and most people really don’t wanna know why – now you have an idea why. I’m just the messenger and, nope, it does not reflect my own, personal views on this.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Do What You Gotta Do

There are a ton of reasons why someone would step off the straight path and onto the path of bisexuality, just like there are more than a ton of reasons why someone would be hesitant to take such a step.

Maybe the reason is emotional, physical, both, or it just somehow makes sense; maybe, way back in the deep reaches of yourself, you’ve been feeling the pull in this direction all along but have been dutifully – or, perhaps, fearfully – ignoring it. Maybe you’re one of the people who see being bisexual as a measure of last resort and when all other attempts to have sex or otherwise be intimate just ain’t working or, like so many bisexuals, you’ve been given no choice in the matter because you’ve been made celibate and that’s just not gonna sit well with you.

You could opt to just go with the social angst that’s running rampant about being bisexual; you could be exposed to this angst, be exposed to the risks involved, and even accept them as the gospel truth and even when, intelligently, you might even understand that the risks, while real, aren’t automatically applied or, you say to yourself that for whatever reason, you need some dick/pussy in your sexual diet but deciding this comes with a huge helping of all the bad things you might have heard of – and without doing anything other than thinking.

You could follow your moral compass and stay away from the forbidden fruit and a lot of people do just that… even when, on the real, they know that this isn’t really working for them but, sure, it’s better to be safe than sorry, that it’s better to err on the side of caution and all that. You could choose to accept the prohibitions over the truth and reality of things, simply, people do go both ways in this and, equally simple, because it works for them.

You could choose to step onto this path and stay out of the pool; a lot of people find great comfort in just accepting that, yup, this is the way they feel about things and nothing else has to be done about it. Or, hell, yeah, you can take a flying leap into the pool and join the millions of other people who are playing in the pool and doing whatever floats their boat and, ideally, while being as discrete and as safe as possible.

I’ve often been asked, “Do I have to do anything about this?” and my answer is, “No, not if you don’t want to or find that you can’t.” Guys, in particular, ask, “Do I have to do all of it?” and, again, my answer is, “Nope. You can do whatever you feel the most comfortable doing and no matter what anyone else thinks you should be doing.”

I’ve even been asked, “Should people just be bisexual?” and I’ve said – again – “No… because this isn’t something everyone can do.” And to the question of, “Should I or should I not go for this?” my answer is, “Do what you gotta do.” Now, I know this might not sound all that helpful but it’s just a matter of fact given that no one can make this decision for you. I recognize that I’m biased toward bisexuality since, um, I’ve been like this for a couple of minutes or so but I’m objective enough about it to tell folks that if you don’t think you can do it, then don’t… but if you think you can, sure, give it a shot or two; if you like it, do what you gotta go and if not, ya still gotta do what you gotta do.

I know what can go both right and wrong with this and I will tell you both things and to the best of my knowledge and ability right along with the caveat that your results may vary. Cityman once remarked that I make this look easy and I suppose I do since, again, I’ve been at this so long that I no longer have to struggle with any of the things people tend to struggle over about it but, yeah, I know it’s not really that easy, even for me – I’ve just learned how to be bisexual and without it fucking with my head.

I even know about all those folks who’ve said that there’s no way in hell that they’d do something like this… and found themselves doing it… and liking it which is the thing that makes me point out to people that you should never say never since, uh, ya don’t know what things will line up in the right way at the right time to, um, entice you to do some backpedaling about that “I’m never gonna do that!” thing you said.

I know that some people try it… and it wasn’t all that or, something I find somewhat amusing, they can take it or leave it; it’s not something they’d do all of the time or as a matter of course but, sure, get enough “ifs” together to create a certain set of conditions, um, okay, we can do this… as long as you understand that we’re not gonna be doing this all of the time, aight?

If they found it to not be all that, okay, it happens but it’s a question of whether or not a second time is warranted to confirm that first impression, which is why I do suggest that it should be tried at least twice, once to see if you really can do it and another time to really determine if you liked it the first time or it was a fluke that it didn’t go so well that first time. Again, humorously, a lot of folks keep trying it because the jury tends to be out a lot and I’ve thought that this “testing” keeps happening because of an innate awareness that sex, in and of itself, is a situational kind of thing where a lot of things play into whether or not the sex is good, “bad,” or makes one indifferent about it.

Or, as I’ve said, just because it didn’t go well the first time doesn’t mean it will always not go so well any other time… but if you don’t try it again, you can’t really know.

Despite what anyone says about bisexuality, it is a choice in a couple of ways. For one, you have to choose or decide that what you’re feeling is legitimate and also choose or decide to accept that this is how you feel and no matter what’s making you feel this way. The next and most important choice/decision to make is to do… or do not and, yes, the choice/decision to tell someone how you’re feeling is just as important.

Still, at the end of every single day, you still gotta do what you gotta do… even if what you gotta do is nothing at all. We hold true that once we decide on a course of action – or one of inaction – we must stay that course and I tend to agree with this… but you can always change your mind. So, sure, you can step onto the path of bisexuality and stay on it until you have reason to step off of the path and go in a different direction, just as you can, at any time you care or have reason to, step back onto the path.

At best, what I can tell you with a very high degree of certainty is that there’s a reason why there are so many bisexuals that they can’t be counted or even identified. It’s not all that different from any other way to obtain sexual or emotional succor in that there are good and “bad” things about it.

Do what you gotta do and that includes invoking Rule Number One: Look after your own ass first since, um, no one else is really gonna do that for you or, yeah, even allow you to do that.

It’s Wrestlemania time so I’m gonna leave you for now…