Women can be bisexual – duh – and for a lot of the same reasons guys are, from wanting more in their sexual lives than just being straight provides to discovering that this is what’s been “missing” in their lives, to the emotional support and comfort that’s provided by being with someone who really does understand these things about women.
Women are so cool about it… and that perception comes from not really hearing a whole lot from women about any issues – doesn’t mean they don’t have them, from husbands/boyfriends who don’t understand their need and are highly disapproving of it to the social bullshit being spread around about them really being lesbians in denial, thots, and just conniving hussies claiming to be bisexual in order to get their hooks into a guy. Then they have to deal with the notion that if they’re bisexual, that automatically seems to mean that they’re gonna be down for a threesome as well as contending with the fact that a lot of guys are of a mind that a bisexual woman is just da shit – it just doesn’t get any better than that, does it?
Now, whether a bi gal takes that last thing as a compliment or the annoying “insult” it’s often perceived to be is up to the individual. Somewhere around, oh, 1971 or so, I overheard two girls in school talking in the lunch line at school (they were right behind me) and while I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying, what did get my attention was one saying to the other, “Well, only a woman knows what a woman needs, right?”
The other girl replied in a noncommittal sort of way and as if she agreed but wasn’t sure that she did but that question stuck in my mind and was often reinforced because there seemed to be a lot of girls saying this in the form of a statement of “fact” and as a question. I was privileged to have a few conversations with girls who didn’t mind talking about this and some of them said that while getting involved with guys was all well and good, um, for those things a woman just never seem to be able to get from a guy, well, only another woman would know about and understand these things and would be willing to be a provider.
Made sense to me and more so when one gal asked, “Do you really believe that when we have sleepovers, all we do is talk? Hmm?”
And, um, yeah… up to that moment, I did believe that, not because I was that naive but because girls would easily make it known that when they had sleepovers, they talked about fashion, boys, and other girl-centric stuff so, sure, why would anyone think that something else was going on?
Who knew they were quite clever in not mentioning the, ah, non-verbal communication that could jump off? Girls 1, Boys 0 – game over and thanks for coming.
One of the known double standards – and one that guys tend to riff about a lot at times – is that bisexuality in women is better accepted than it is between men… and no one seems to know why this is other than maybe no one really blames a woman for wanting to be with another woman and more so given how badly many have been treated and/or deprived, and just held back by men (and to our never-ending shame) so if “Gail” decided that being “Grace’s” friend and lover made some things right in her life, well, why not? It ain’t like they’re not deserving of that succor and support, you know, because men are such insensitive and totally clueless assholes.
Then, bisexual women started getting some more unwanted attention – from true lesbians who just didn’t like bisexual women and tagging them as being in denial, having commitment issues and, in some cases, guilty of high treason to the lesbian cause. Then it wasn’t bad enough that women have been subjected to slut-shaming over all this time but it got even worse for a woman to be known as bisexual – enter the greedy part of the angst toward all bisexuals and guys, man, riffing and raging at the bi gals because they had reason to not just give men the coochie; I actually heard a guy arguing with a gal who I assumed was his lady and he said, “Oh, you’ll give her the pussy without an argument… but I gotta beg you for it? That’s some fucked up shit!”
Yeah… no wonder bisexual women aren’t of a mind to want to talk about this, huh? And given how irrationally violent some men can be about this, it tends to lend some credence to the belief that a lot of domestic violence incidents involve bisexuals; sadly, I knew of a few ladies that literally got bitch-slapped because they were bisexual and, once more, making men more asshole-ish than we already were perceived to be.
I’ve read a few blogs that were written by bisexual women and I’m still a Contributing Author for a blog that supports bisexual women and gives them a place to talk about it: http://biwifelifeblog.wordpress.com. And, Christ Almighty, some of the things I’ve read on this blog alone are chilling to read of the strife some bisexual women endure and the problems they have in wanting to express their bisexuality, like all those men who, on the one hand, don’t really have issues with bisexual women… as long as their woman isn’t bisexual or the rejections they suffer through when trying to express themselves with other women who are lesbian and have that very same shitty and prejudicial attitude that that bi guys face when dealing with gay men.
And some of the things I’ve read by these women makes me feel ashamed to be a man given how the men in their lives tend to behave and it also pisses me off to be lumped in with those jerks.
Bisexual women, it turns out, aren’t exempt from the biphobic bullshit; the good thing, I think, that there are a lot of bisexual women who just don’t give a fuck what anyone else has to say that’s negative about their sexuality because, if for no other reason, a “call” once went out to all women to do whatever they gotta do to get theirs… but, um, that “call” wasn’t exactly specific about what “theirs” was to be about or meant so, sure, it makes sense to me – and I’ll even admit a bias because, you know, being bisexual myself, I tend to side with bisexual women – that if “getting theirs” meant literally having a girlfriend (with or without already having a man), well, that works.
Doesn’t it? And, importantly, shouldn’t it work?
I sit and write about bi guys because, um, I know bi guys a whole lot better than I do bi gals – but not because I don’t know any (I do) and a lot of times when I write, the messages I try to get across isn’t always about bisexual men – it also can be applicable where bisexual women are concerned and more so when we do, in fact, have a lot in common as we face similar discrimination and social disapproval from a lot of the same sources – but the greater acceptance of bisexual women does give them a bit of an advantage even though many bisexual women have said that this acceptance is just men objectifying them even more than we already do.
To that end, yep – guys think this is so damned hot and erotic and porn, that medium that seems to live to objectify women, does an excellent job of showing guy just how hot and erotic it is… and because it is even hotter and more erotic than it appears to be… but not just because they’re making love to and with each other. I’ve talked to a lot of guys and have heard them – and seen them – salivating over the thought of two women throwing it down with each other and I’ve told them that they really have no idea what’s really going on if, in fact, they’ve never actually seen it – and I have and, honestly, when it comes to passion and the expression of emotion, yeah, we can be pretty arrogant about being able to match this… or even come close such a powerful display.
We’re not worthy… and all you have to do is actually see two women making love to understand that and how humbling it is to be told that, okay, you’re not bad at eating pussy… but you really ain’t all that but with some additional training, you might just become a bit more adequate.
For me to say this isn’t objectification – it’s me understanding something that a lot of men don’t understand because they’re working from faulty information – usually porn – and that just doesn’t even begin to cover the depth of emotional expression that women are capable of with each other that some men can never hope to come close to.
They’re just better at it and, again, many bisexual women just don’t give a fuck who doesn’t agree with this because all it has to do is work for them – and it does work and
See, like most people, when you think “bisexual woman” you almost immediately think about the sex… but not what’s driving the whole thing for them. A lot of people think of bisexual women in terms of being the mystical unicorn; it’s not really “proven” that they exist and if they do, it’s in very small numbers and small enough to make bi gals a rarity…
And you’d be wrong about them being a rare creature because, just like any other bisexual, you could be standing right next to a bisexual woman and not even know it… or you could be with a bisexual woman relationship-wise and not know it.
Because just as badly as some women can react to knowing their guy is going both ways, some men can be even worse to find out that his woman also happens to like women so, given how these situations tend to go, is there any wonder why bisexual women would kinda rather keep this under their hats? If the reaction isn’t a violent one – and, sadly, sometimes it is – it’s a patently ridiculous one, like, all the bisexual women I’ve heard say that they’d never tell a guy – or their guy – that they’re as bisexual as the day is long because she knows that he’s gonna ask her if she wants to do a threesome and as if all bisexual women just live for something like that.
And if you know even the tiniest bit about women, you’d know that while it might be something to think about, nah, not really high on their list of things to do. It’s not to say that some bisexual women don’t or wouldn’t enjoy such a sexual encounter because some do – it’s just not one of those “par for the course” kind of things that some people think it is – bisexual women would prefer to keep things simpler and in a one-on-one mode, thank you very much… and that’s not saying that all bisexual women have the sex that’s possible, just like there a slew of bi guys who haven’t had the sex and don’t want to; it just works for them to bask in the more emotional aspects that makes them quite comfortable with being bisexual.
Nothing wrong with that at all; just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should but if you can – and you want to – sure, why not? Alas, there’s a lot of reasons why not and they’re not really all that different from why bi guys choose not to act on their feelings – again, there’s a lot more commonality going on here that meets the eye.
I just decided to write this to let any/all bisexual women or bi-curious women know that I haven’t forgotten you amazing women and that I’m not deliberately excluding you from my discussions about bisexuality because, again, a lot of what I write can also apply to bisexual women. Just letting y’all know that if there isn’t many men on your side, I am because I get it.
Enjoy the rest of your day and, please, check out the Biwifelife blog if you have a chance.