Xbox One Gaming: Borderlands 3 – The Handsome Jackpot DLC

I’ve been playing “catch up” with this game to get all created characters to the same level and as I was working on my lowest level character through the game’s main story items (that character was below level 30 while all others are in the high 60s), it was time to take a break from the main story to hit Handsome Jack’s casino for some loot and mayhem.

Okay, so… Handsome Jack. We didn’t see him in Borderlands 1 and I don’t readily remember if there were even whispers of his presence at this point. We do get introduced to him in Borderlands 2 and, wow: What an evil asshole he turned out to be! Gearbox and 2K kinda “backtracked” to point out some stuff that Jack may have been involved in where Borderlands 1 went but the “man in the mask” really made his presence felt throughout Borderlands 2 and to the point where the guy who “played” and voiced the character won an Emmy. It was a stellar performance and to the point where the only other character you wanted dead more than Handsome Jack was… Claptrap, who is, hands down, the most annoying character I’ve ever had to deal with in any video game I’ve ever played.

The Pre-Sequel backs up big time to tell the story of how Handsome Jack got to be the power-mad lunatic we met in Borderlands 2. This game, strangely, wasn’t entitled as “Borderlands 3” and there were a lot of players who didn’t like the great departure from the first two games but, yeah, I liked it a lot even though Jack wasn’t the antagonist, well, not until the game’s really big boss gets defeated and, okay, now you know why Handsome Jack is the most feared entity we saw in Borderlands 2.

Good to know. Things get a little weird, though: To beat Borderlands 2, you gotta kill the shit out of Handsome Jack and I don’t know about anyone else who played the game but I took a great deal of pleasure killing the shit out him time and time again in both playable modes and with every character I could do it with and true to how the games are played, often with inadequate weaponry which just makes you get creative and tasks your ability to be that creative trying to off Jack first and then defeat The Destroyer… but you want to blow his ass away since while you’re battling him in the final phase of the game, he’s talking more trash and as he does throughout the game and you just want to make him go away.

Good fun. So Borderlands 3 comes out and during its development, a lot of players were wondering if we’d get to see Handsome Jack get reincarnated but there are a lot of references to Lilith ending Jack (and she didn’t, actually) but, okay, Jack’s gone and you don’t see a whole lot of Hyperion’s presence in the game, either – that’s the company Jack worked for then eventually took over. So Gearbox and 2K figured out how to get the handsome bastard back in the game by introducing the Handsome Jackpot DLC and kinda reintroducing Timothy, a poor slob who got conscripted to be one of Jack’s doubles who got trapped on the space-borne casino when it went into lockdown mode upon Jack’s demise and now the mission is to get in there and do what you gotta do so that Mad Moxxi can take over the dilapidated casino and because Jack stole it from her to begin with.

The Borderlands franchise has always been… gritty. Dirty. Many locations have seen better times and the first time I played the Handsome Jackpot DLC, it gave me the creeps because it was. well, trashed to be nice about it. It still gives me the creeps and as i played yesterday, I could feel how running around the place was making me feel at a subliminal level while feeling a certain kind of “joy” and irritation to be dealing with the ghost of Handsome Jack and how, even in death, he’s still being the ultimate asshole by reminding me that he took great joy fleecing those who came there to seek fortune only to find themselves buried under tons of unpayable debt to the handsome bastard. I like the storyline of the DLC but one of the reasons why I like playing it so much is that it’s one of the opportunities in the game to make money and more so when, in true Borderlands fashion, early into initial gameplay, you don’t have a lot of money to play with but, yeah, you kinda get used to this but the other games provided a way to “farm” money (and other loot) and this DLC, I supposed, was the answer to this since there’s no places in the main story where you can keep coming back to clean the place out of whatever money is lying around.

As I do whenever I play the game, I slipped into “stone cold killer mode” and methodically went through the main story as differently as I could; different tactics and approaches and, to my surprise, finding places that I’d never been in or even knew existed… and I’ve been playing this game for a long time. I got through the early main story items and particularly the ones I don’t care much for; every Borderlands game has parts, missions, etc., that I just hate doing but since they’re main story items, ya can’t progress through the game without doing them. I’d just defeated the one boss – Graveward – who, at least for me, is the toughest boss to defeat and I needed a break and… money. My character wasn’t even at level 30 at this point and I had so little money that I was basically in the Borderlands poor house but I knew how to take care of that: Do the Heist on the casino. I knew that by the time I got to the end and defeated the final boss, I’d have a million dollars or so and enough so that I wouldn’t have to worry about buying improved weapons or paying the stupidly high prices attached to respawning when you get killed.

I anticipated leveling up my character closer to level 40 which is in the neighborhood I want to be in as I continue on with the main story stuff… but after I do my best to clean out the casino for as much money as I can get my hands on. Almost every ammo case in the casino has money in it; in some areas, there are busted up slot machines that you can get money from… including the ones who come to life and tries to blow you away. You’d think that with as many times as I’ve played this DLC, the animated killer slot machines wouldn’t surprise me since I know they’re there but, yeah, they still do and, besides, the Borderlands franchise never fails to be able to keep players on their toes in some way and even when you know what’s going to happen.

Other than my low cash levels, I had an even bigger problem and one the game just throws at you. I’d gotten my hands on a legendary corrosive assault rifle made by Vladof (one of the many manufacturers in the game) but one that, normally, I don’t play with but the games are good at making each character an expert with a certain type of weapon and legendaries are, well, they’re the shit and often quite powerful. The one I had found was a level 18 weapon which, if it hadn’t been a legendary one, would have – should have – stopped being effective, oh, maybe somewhere around level 23 or 24. I get past level 30… and I’m still using this particular weapon because none of the other ones I have are doing that good of a job of taking out the bad guys and, well, I’m “worried” because at some point, this level 18 weapon will stop being effective and, as it tends to be my bad luck, during a battle where I need it to be effective. I’m running around the casino killing shit and I’ve never been so aware of my weapon deficiency like I am now and I’m cursing Gearbox and 2K – and not for the first time – because I know that, again, at some point, this low-level legendary will become as useless as the other 30 or so items I’m carrying in my backpack.

Those of you who have played Borderlands knows exactly what I’m talking about and those of you who haven’t, well, you don’t have to take my word for it – play any of the games and find out for yourself. Then, if I didn’t have enough to worry about as far as my weaponry was concerned, I’m making rookie mistakes and of the kind no seasoned Borderlands veteran should be making like how I somehow managed to walk right off the edge of a platform and went out of bounds and died and, yep, taking a good chunk out of my limited funds; it had me laughing to myself to be reminded that while you can respawn in the game, it’s never without putting a dent in your wallet. I remembered trying to figure out how the game decides how much money it costs… and gave up trying to figure it out and, well, I never liked doing math to begin with. Stepping off that platform – and something I had never done before playing the DLC – cost me about twenty grand that I couldn’t afford at the time all that much… but I guess it was okay because I was having an unusually hard time finding weapons that were effective and making me rely on that level 18 legendary that, at this point, had pretty much outlived its usefulness.

The main thing, though, is that I’m having fun dealing with this. This particular DLC isn’t exactly hard or difficult, not like much of the main story stuff can be or like some of the other DLCs really are, well, at least for me. I’m going from place to place, shooting bad guys, blowing shit up, etc., and I’m constantly being reminded that the weaponry is character specific and that some of the weapons aren’t ones that I would normally use or prefer… but that’s the beauty of any of the Borderlands games and DLCs: Being able to do more with less. Finding the right combination of items even when some of them aren’t the “best weapon” available in the game. Or that weird thing where I actually found a weapon that one of my other characters just kicks major ass with but for the current character? Not even close. In one of those rare moments, this DLC is pissing me off because I’m making progress… and not making progress… and I’m still relying on a weapon that, as I got down to the final moments of the DLC, wasn’t doing a whole lot of good or damage.

I defeated the final boss of the DLC… with a pistol. I don’t particularly like the Jakobs weapons. They’re “antiquated” items that often require a lot of trigger pulls or don’t hold a lot of ammo and other things that I’ve learned just annoys the shit out of me but, yep, I defeated the final boss of the DLC with a Jakobs pistol. A six-shooter. Not even a legendary one. I’m running around the final battle area switching weapons as fast as I can and came close to dying way too many times which, given the level of the character and the mode it was in, shouldn’t have happened, well, not the way it was. Nothing is working against the final boss; my grenades are pretty much useless, the legendary that had, up to that point, served me well wasn’t doing shit and I was more than glad that I could hit the button to look at my inventory without getting killed but frustrated because of the thirty or so weapons I had on hand, I’d tried them all… except for this Jakobs pistol that, normally, I would have sold for cash given my dislike of them.

I equip it and I’m already thinking about what else I can do to defeat the final boss and knowing that I don’t have a damned thing in my backpack that’s gonna get the job done once and for all; I’m going to get killed and respawn… and start the level all over again… with a bunch of weapons that have been proven to be woefully inadequate. I hate this game… and I love the shit out of it. I take a deep breath, make myself comfortable, and resume the battle with this “crappy” six-shot pistol that has the saving grace of reloading very quickly and the next thing I know, the final boss is defeated, the gun in my hand is trailing smoke out of its barrel and all I could do was shake my head over how things can wind up working and when, “normally,” they usually don’t.

Those of you who’ve played Borderlands knows how… improbable it is to take out a boss with a pistol. During my main story play, I took out a boss… with a shotgun. I shouldn’t have been surprised that a Jakobs pistol offed the final DLC boss but, yep, I was. It’s stuff like this that, to me, makes playing Borderlands so much fun while being pretty annoying at the same time. So I finished the DLC and went back to the next main story task facing me, got to one of the remaining “big bosses…” and took him out… with that same Jakobs pistol because despite getting more weapons and nice legendary ones, they didn’t do shit against this particular boss but yet another weapon I’m not fond of got the job done. Again.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Zero Time

Once the caffeine started to perfuse through my grey matter, I got to thinking about a forum post from a couple of days ago where a member asked – and I’m paraphrasing here – if, when pressed for time, is it oral or anal sex?

Responses were mixed and “as usual” based upon preferences and, perhaps, not so much with practicality in mind but the offered choices would vary since some guys aren’t into sucking dick and some aren’t into anal either way. When Cityman and I talk about this – and I’ve mentioned this on the forum many times – one of the high points of sucking dick is that it generally doesn’t take a whole lot of time to do it and along with it being something that can be done almost anywhere and with little or no preparation.

Lots of amateur “gay” porn out there to be seen these days and with guys just throwing it down anywhere they think they can get away with it from parks to public restrooms to public transportation and across the spectrum of things guys can do to, with, and for each other. In, um, the “real world,” and to put it like that, more often than not, time is a factor in these things and even in those spontaneous moments, there’s not always enough time to do whatever one happens to prefer in this.

Sure, it’d be nice to be able to take all the time necessary to be able to do the deed and, preferably, in discrete comfort but as it often turns out, this amount of time might not be available and some kind of quickie is called for even though there are guys who are either not good at the quickie or it’s just not the way they prefer to have sex with anyone. Cityman has “griped” to me quite a few times about guys hitting him up in the middle of his work day and looking to do something and as if Cityman doesn’t have anything else he should be doing… like his job. That’s just another of those occupational hazards that are part and parcel of the M2M world and it can be pretty annoying and more so when, say, getting to bust a nut right about now wouldn’t be that bad of an idea…

If there was time to do it “right and proper.”

Indeed, a lot of these “new male bisexuals” often complain about the much-hated blow and go and something that isn’t just about blowjobs but, yeah, a guy shows up, sex jumps off, and as soon as homey busts a nut, he’s gone so fast it’s like he was never there. Some of this has a lot to do with our other nemesis: That damned refractionary period of sex that is known to kick our asses harder and faster than being in the ring with Mike Tyson when he was in his prime. But many of these “blow and go” situations happen because there’s not enough time to allow long, drawn out periods of sex which can be a bit problematic in a time where a lot of guys seem to be into edging and delaying ejaculation for as long as humanly possible… and that takes time… and time that’s not always available.

It’s not unreasonable to assume that the longer it takes to do something, the greater the chance of getting caught or otherwise discovered and even drawing unwanted attention or suspicions. While it’d be nice to be able to spend a couple of hours with a guy and take all the time necessary to give and receive pleasure and satisfaction, eh, well, we don’t live in a perfect world and the clock is always running. It’s like what I asked Cityman one day after he was “griping” about the number of offers of a blow job he got in the space of an hour: How long does it take to get your dick sucked and to bust a nut? That didn’t even include giving an estimate of how long he might have thought it would take to suck a guy’s nuts dry but it’s something to be considered and depending on whether or not the other guy making this offer would love to receive as well as give.

We are… conditioned not to cum quickly and even if we actually need to and, classically, when dealing with a case of blue balls that can feel worse than being kicked in the balls but to just say that it hurts is an understatement to find yourself dealing with a case of… testicular congestion. And there isn’t a guy I know of who doesn’t know that busting your nut quickly with women isn’t usually a good thing to have happen unless, of course, a quickie is what the doctor ordered. Otherwise, um, don’t cum too soon and this is all well and good… provided one has the time for that and one just might not have that kind of time… but needs always must.

Cityman’s answer to my question of how long does it take was… typical in that he said that he’d prefer to be able to take his time so he could fully enjoy the experience which prompted me to ask him, “Well, what if you couldn’t do that… but getting sucked off right then and there is the thing that would work?” Taking a bit of a trip in the time machine, there was a time when being spontaneous was a must and more so when you never knew when you’d run into someone and something could happen or be proposed right then and there and saying, “Maybe tomorrow…” just isn’t the right answer. I had mentioned this to him and I guess like some of these “new male bisexuals,” being spontaneous isn’t… preferred and not because it’s perceived to be way too risky but, I think, because spontaneous situations don’t really lend themselves to having all the time necessary to weigh the pros and cons and then there’s the whole prolonged sexual experience that is being sought after more than anything else.

Again, all well and good… but time isn’t always your friend which got Cityman and I talking about how being a cocksucker should be a skillset that all guys should have in their bag of tricks because it can take less time to suck a guy than it can to fuck a guy. He had asked me about the quickest time I’ve gotten a guy to cum in my mouth and my answer was, “Less than a minute.” A lot of reasons for this but it’s a… trick you learn when you want to suck dick… and you don’t have a lot of time to do it. And the answer was the the same for how fast a guy has gotten me off giving me head because, yup, there isn’t always time to take the time to make a blowjob last for a half an hour or more. In these situations, you just wanna get right to it, make the cum flow, and go on with the rest of your day and, yeah, even if you planned to be doing this for that day: The longer it takes to do something, the greater the chance of getting “caught” at it.

One day, Cityman hit me up and said that he had run out at lunchtime so a guy could blow him and it was quite wonderful and it didn’t take a whole lot of time. All I said was, “Hmm, being spontaneous ain’t that bad of a thing after all, is it?” He allowed that with them sucking each other, the whole thing took less than ten minutes and while he prefers to take his time with this, that he didn’t – and really couldn’t – didn’t lessen the pleasure given and received and I allowed that it’s not supposed to take anything away from the pleasure because being in the moment isn’t a set or specified amount of time but, yep, a lot of us would prefer to spend hours doing something that, um, actually, doesn’t take that long to do and in situations where it would be best not to take a lot of time getting it done.

Some say that if you’re not gonna take the time to do it right, there’s no point in doing it at all… but what exactly does that mean? I’ve heard a lot of guys say this and how much they don’t like quickies with women or they’ve said that they’ve been with women who hate quickies and I’ve mentioned that, um, men aren’t women… but, yep, we tend to have sex with men as if they were and in that taking all the time that’s needed kind of way. I’ve gotten into “discussions” with guys because I’ve told them that, yep, I wouldn’t mind giving them a blowjob right now because I have a short window in which to do it and they’ve gotten miffed, sometimes pissy, and have called the deal off because, I dunno, they expect me to take all of the time they might have for this and not consider how much time I might have for this. Why do it if there’s not enough time? Um, why not? It might be better just to wait until there is enough time to do whatever but, um, damn, when you’re horny as fuck and about to suffer a bout of testicular congestion, waiting isn’t always an option. Yup, one could spank the monkey but where’s the fun in that? And I don’t know about other guys but when I have testicular congestion, it takes me forever and a dark day to cum… and if I do at all and that just makes it feel worse. So, um, yeah – if I can spare ten minutes or so to head off this situation for myself and some other guy, why not? Besides, it’s highly naughty to do it when, ideally, you should take your time with it. I sometimes think that guys, in particular, just get it into their head that giving and receiving pleasure should take more time and not less time because less time is… bad.

Nah, not always. As I responded to the forum member’s post, when pressed for time, I’m giving head every time and hopefully getting head, too. One of the things I had to learn growing up with this was to not get bent out of shape when nuts got busted quickly since, yeah, duh, sometimes, they have to be busted quickly because there’s no time to take time doing it. It’s something that tends to embarrass the shit out of men something fierce and I’ve had guys, in those quickie moments, apologizing profusely for their, ah, early release… and I’ve told them to not sweat it because they did exactly what I wanted and needed them to do. I had one guy apologize to me for getting me to bust quickly and I looked at him like he was crazy; I asked him if he got me to do what he wanted me to do and he said that he did and I said that, okay, you did what we both wanted to be done… so what are you apologizing for? Besides, it’s not like we had “all day” to do this and I didn’t know about him but I felt that it was better to do it than to not do it.

Because time isn’t something you always have a lot of. It is why cocksucking is so popular among men… because it usually doesn’t take a lot of time to do and sometimes you don’t want it to take a whole lot of time and waiting until there’s more time available isn’t really an option… but that all depends on how one feels about being spontaneous and what “taking enough time to do it right” means to someone. Sometimes, there’s no time to do it later or tomorrow or next week; sometimes, you have a small window of time to get something done and, well, sucking dick can fit into that window nicely provided guys weren’t funny about it taking less time rather than more time.

And haven’t I mentioned how funny we can be about this?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It Goes Badly

I just got finished re-reading the piece I wrote about coming to terms with being a cocksucker (and I gotta edit it to fix some errors I didn’t catch) and while the caffeine was starting to permeate my brain, I thought about all the moments experienced when sucking a guy’s dick had me wondering just why in the hell I thought it would be nirvana to blow him.

Those of you who, well, fuck – you know what I’m gonna say. As I re-read and frowned at the boo-boos I made, coming to terms with being a cocksucker is one thing and right up to those moments when some dude just makes you feel some kind of way about being one… and definitely not talking good things here.

From shitty attitudes to really funky junk to nasty-tasting spunk, it’s a total bummer to have the realization hit home that there are guys who just do not know how to get their dick sucked… and maybe they should never get their dick sucked. Once again, it’s one of those things that when you’re a guy who sucks cock, you get to understand why some women just ain’t fans of doing it. I’d guess, at this particular moment, it’s probably a good thing that it’s not the daily chore some folks think it is for bi guys but, yeah, it can be and more so if you happen to have a circle of friends who happens to know that you’re a cocksucker.

Time machine time!

In the early days and after acquiring the taste, oh, damn – couldn’t get enough of dick in my mouth! That the majority of my male friends also seemed to have learned or discovered this at about the same time as I did just made it even better to be able to “cut our teeth” on each other like this. The sensual impact – and I mean the impact on one’s senses – was pretty interesting and fun when one of my friends would pull their pants down and, yeah, boy, his dick was already hard in anticipation of being sucked, then him getting a temporary bad case of the giggles as I’d close my mouth around him and make it feel wonderfully amazing for the both of us. No spunk to deal with at that time but there was always that good feeling that would flow over and through you like a warm blanket in wintertime. Didn’t know what it was but it sure as hell felt good and feeling it would either make us sigh… or giggle.

Depending on how one felt about it, the really nice part was that you could suck on a dick, he’d get that good feeling and you could keep right on sucking him and making him feel it over and over while feeling pretty good yourself. It was heavenly to feel one of my friends licking and sucking on my dick and making it feel all tingly and once we figured out that we could do it together? Shit… how did it get any better than that? Oh, yeah – shooting the stuff!

Warm. Salty-sweet. Thick and a lot of it. Make a guy shoot his stuff in my mouth, wait a couple of minutes, and get him to do it again. And again. And while he was doing the same thing to me or just taking turns shooting “the jizz” into each other’s mouth until we couldn’t do it but it still felt good. Being on my knees or lying next to him and licking and sucking while his body would start fucking into my mouth all by itself… and trying not to laugh as he’d make those silly sex sounds before blurting out that he was gonna do it. Then feeling his prick twitching and jerking in my mouth as gobs of his stuff landed on my tongue and sometimes having to hustle to keep up with all of the stuff he was shooting.

Some guys were just assholes about it. Not only would they run me down and pretty much beg me to suck them – which I didn’t mind all that much – but to use a more modern term, they acted like they were entitled to get sucked off and doing shit like grabbing my head and slamming themselves into my face as hard as they could or the first time a guy said, “Yeah, suck my dick, bitch!” Yeah… he didn’t say that to me twice and I remember feeling… very bad for doing it. Not that guilty thing but giving into their demand to be sucked just turned out to be a bad idea and even more so when they’d be all funky down there and even worse when their jizz didn’t taste good at all.

Or I’d make them cum and they had little or no appreciation for what I’d done for them and, worse, reneging on their promise to suck me off and getting all pissy about it to be reminded of that promise. The good thing was that once an asshole made himself known, everyone would find out that if he asked you to suck him off, the answer had to be not only no but hell, no. They didn’t act right. Didn’t taste or smell good. Wanted to be all rough about it and reneging like a motherfucker. The other good thing was that it was easy to avoid the assholes because there were plenty of guys who weren’t assholes and, importantly, were very appreciative of the efforts it took to get them to cum.

You not only learned why girls were funny about doing it but you also learned some shit about boys that, in hindsight, you’d wind up wishing you hadn’t learned. Sucking dick is supposed to be fun and preferably mutually satisfying but the truth was that there were a lot of guys who’d make me regret giving into my need to suck them and swallow their spunk. It was bad enough that they made sucking them “the worst thing ever;” even worse when they got finished unloading and then say that it wasn’t good for them and then – worse still – they’d go around telling everybody who’d listen to them that you were a lousy cocksucker and once you got that tacked on to your reputation, nothing you could say or do would get that stigma removed and if you did manage to get rid of it, it was usually because you wound up sucking a lot of dick to prove that you weren’t lousy at it which was either a good or a bad thing depending on how much that bothered you.

Yep… it always bothered me when a guy would make me feel like shit over doing something that I loved doing. Sure, I knew what guys to stay away from but another thing you learned about this was that it wasn’t the guys you knew about that could be a problem: It’s the guys who never gave you any indication that sucking his dick would be a bad call and, of course, you wouldn’t know until he started acting like an asshole about it. Yeah, you also learned that pretty fucked up thing of the guy turning out to be an asshole about it but, shit, you’ve started doing it and it just kinda doesn’t make any sense to just stop; you find yourself in this situation enough times and you learn to cease and desist immediately if not sooner… and chances were very good that stopping things wasn’t going to be received all that well by the asshole.

One such asshole called me a bitch and a whore while I was sucking him so I stopped and he got indignant and asked why I did; I told him why I did and I guess my answer was unacceptable because he said he was gonna make me finish him off… and I invited him to try it. It didn’t go well and especially for him. Yeah… I got a busted lip out of the deal along with some scrapes and a couple of bruises but that was nothing compared to what happened to him. I was even more pissed the hell off because he took something I loved doing and made me not like doing it, well, to him and one of many lessons about not letting someone else steal your joy.

Like getting cussed out because he came before he wanted to. Um, not my fault, homey. Or working over a guy for a long period of time and nothing you’re doing is going to entice him to give up the nut… and then he’s blaming me because he couldn’t cum. Oh, wait – you jerked off before we got together, didn’t you? I really tried to not dislike guys for their antics but there are guys who just go out of their way to make you not like them a whole lot and make you regret doing it. Coming to terms about being a cocksucker also means coming to terms with the fact that some guys are going to give you bad experiences. I hated having my face fucked, for example. I hated guys trying ram their dick down my throat and not giving me a chance to breathe or grabbing my head and holding it so they could ravage my mouth and throat and, of course, the bigger the dick, the more I hated it.

I had to stop too many times to tell guys that I didn’t need any help from them; just lay your ass back and let me do what I know how to do… and calling me out of my name is going to result in something you’re not going to find in the least bit fun. Yeah… no wonder girls were extremely funny and conditional about sucking dick and/or wouldn’t do it at all. Yes, indeedy: The moment you make it not be any fun for a woman, you’ve pretty much screwed the pooch and not in a good way. I remember a guy telling me that I’d better not bite him and I wondered why he even mentioned it… then I found out why. Oh, I wanted to bite his dick right off of his body but in lieu of that, I just stopped and left without a single word. He, on the other hand, decided that grabbing my arm and trying to drag me back was the thing to do and, well, he regretted it after I broke his arm at the elbow. You turned into an asshole and made sucking you something I wished I hadn’t agreed to… and then you had the nerve to put your hands on me?

Homey does not play that shit. Ever.

You just accept that there’s going to be some bad with the good and then strive to not let the bad steal your joy. I see cocksucking porn and, wow, no; not even trying to hear any of that being choked while sucking dick or being gagged or being held in place because my body is reacting to not being able to get any air; not my idea of a fun time. You’re either gonna let me do what I know how to do… or you’re gonna find someone else to blow you. The “good” thing is that there are guys who will actually tell you what they want to do once they get their dick in your mouth; makes it way easier to tell them, nope, ain’t none of that gonna happen here… and yeah, don’t even think about shooting that shit in my face. Accidents happen but if your idea of a cocksucking good time is to shoot your load all over me – and like you see way too much of in porn – yeah, not doing that.

It can go badly. Occupational hazard. What a guy says and does when his dick ain’t hard can be very damned different when his dick is hard and in your mouth. I think we kinda romanticize it because the reality that can be experienced can be anything but “romantic” or even erotic. Some dudes are just assholes about it. Can’t say it any plainer than that.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: App Angst

I recall the deep curiosity I felt when a, ah, particular website was recommended to me for the purpose of finding like-minded men who liked/love to suck dick and maybe more depending on some stuff. I recall being… leery about it, too; I could easily remember all the dumb shit experienced on BBS (bulletin board service) and IRC rooms (internet relay chat) and feeling some kind of way about the way so many guys were just so full of shit as they hid behind their keyboards and screens playing games and not being all that serious about things.

In the rooms for bisexual men, some “radical gay men” invaded to debunk our bisexuality and doing their best to get us all to admit that we were really gay and if we didn’t, we were a bunch of fake bitches who were too confused for our own good. And let’s include all the underage dudes who managed to sneak past the rooms’ moderators and looking for older guys to take care of their daddy issues and sometimes at a monetary price. Then I can include that very weird thing where some guys checked all of the boxes for me… but they weren’t local and sometimes not even in my part of the country. Then there were the guys who were into the “fad” of the times: Cybersex. I had no patience for it, didn’t see the sense in it, was probably too literal minded for it in that if I wanted to masturbate, I could do that without trying to jerk off with one hand while typing with the other and reading guys writing shit that was, to me, beyond the corniness you could see in written porn.

So I had mixed feelings about this website but it was recommended to me by someone I trusted – even if it had me wondering how he found out about it – and decided that the only way to find out about this site was to join it and see how things worked and flowed. I filled out all of the required stuff and even managed to upload a few pics of myself and as suggested… then sat back to see what was going to happen. Shit… I hadn’t really finished uploading my few pics before I started getting messages and notifications that guys were looking at my profile! It was… encouraging but I had a big-assed salt block “sitting next to me” because if it sounds too good to be true, it probably ain’t true at all.

Right away, I got subjected to those very annoying, “Sup” messages from men who, after further investigation, had incomplete profiles and no pics and, apparently, an inability to converse like they had a modicum of command of the written form of the English language… or any language, as it would often turn out and making me, not for the first time, regret not taking Spanish in high school. Indeed, my first active day on the site produced few credible possibilities; it was disappointing but I really hadn’t expected a whole lot, either. I recall that it took a week before I came across a guy who (1) could say more than, “Sup” and could write without using slang and/or misspelling simple words and as far as stating intentions went, he could say more than, “Can I fuck?” which was bothersome right off the bat and more so when my profile said that I wasn’t interested in fucking and a clear indication that those guys were either not reading my profile… or maybe they couldn’t read. I didn’t know but what I did know was that I found it annoying.

So this one guy and I held an involved conversation about our origins, likes and dislikes and we even spoke on the phone; I was still leery because even in the BBC/IRC days, a few guys would get to this point and, in today’s terms, wind up ghosting me but this guy sounded like the real deal so we set a date for a meet so we could spend some times sucking each other’s dicks. It was… refreshing. He was a skilled and enthusiastic cocksucker and on top of being a decent guy which meant he wasn’t my idea of an asshole. We pretty much wore each other out and when we weren’t trying to suck the life out of each other, we sat and talked like we’d been friends for years. As it turned out, we became somewhat steady with each other and, on a couple of occasions, took things to the next step and would screw each other. As luck would have it, just when things were getting good, he wound up taking a job in another state and that was that.

In between, there were the guys who were too aggressive and pushy; the guys who could talk a good game but had no intentions on going through with anything; the guys who would give me shit about being bisexual and the guys who declared that I wasn’t a “real man” because I had no interest in being their “daddy,” sugar daddy, or their bitch. If I’d not learned anything about this site and the resulting app, it was that you had to dig through a lot of shit in order to find the diamonds. There was always the rejections and for what I thought was for the stupidest reasons; when I tell you that a guy kicked me to the curb because my dick was a half-inch too short for him, I’m really not trying to exaggerate or be funny. When I tell you that there was this one guy who passed all of my tests that rejected me because I was Black and he was quite surprised that I was; I remember his… discomfiture as he accused me of trying to trick him by writing like a very educated white person, something I took great offense to because sure, I’m not white… but I am a college-educated man with two degrees in the science of computers.

There were the guys who’d demand that I drop whatever I was doing and come get them so they could do whatever they wanted to and without any concern or consideration for what I wanted to do and, yeah, those guys who I guess thought their dick was so good that I would be told that if I couldn’t pay them, I wasn’t shit. Or the guys who demanded that I have a job, home, and a car and take care of all their needs and as payment for them fucking my ass roughly and brutally. And there was always those guys who could only say, “Sup” and nothing more than that and didn’t seem to understand that I couldn’t make an informed decision about them if all the were willing to say was a single, three-letter “word.”

There were still a few diamonds in the shit and, notably, quite a few gay men who were great to be with but some would go from being thrilled about what we’d done to each other to being pissy because I wasn’t gay like them and had no intention to give up being with women. Now, this particular thing wasn’t anything new to me but I was kinda taken aback to get hit with it a few decades after the first time a gay man gave me grief about not being gay… after we had some very good sex. And, yes, some of them would give me grief about being bi and that was a deal-breaker for them and it just seemed that they couldn’t just say, “Thanks but no thanks;” no – they had to launch into a diatribe about how fucked up bisexual men were and how we should just stop being in denial about being gay and other such shit that, combined with all the other bullshit, made me not want to open the app all that much.

Hell, I was having more positive successes without the damned app. I could easily agree with the things the “diamonds” had to say about this app and some other ones; because of the anonymity afforded by the Internet, guys could just say all kinds of shit and in anyway they pleased or being fake and/or flaky; hundreds of so-called like-minded men who, as it turned out, weren’t all that like-minded; the app went from a somewhat nice place to look for dick to a cesspool no one wanted to visit all that much. I didn’t know which thing was worse: The guys giving me shit and calling my manhood into question because I wasn’t gonna let them fuck me or the gay men who gave me shit for not being gay… or the guys who’d kick me to the curb for “petty” shit and including the fact that I was out and my wife knew I was into guys.

That one confused the shit out of me but I was learning some shit about this M2M thing that was often surprising but quite disappointing. That “you’re not a real man” shit really got on my last good nerve because I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what pretty much being some dude’s bitch of a sex slave had to do with my being a man other than I wasn’t having any of that bullshit. My participation in a few forums revealed that I wasn’t the only bi guy who was disillusioned and disappointed in the apps and other websites. I figured that any time I could go on a regular “dating” app and get pussy easier than I could get dick, something was very wrong about that.

I got to better understand what my bi brothers meant when they’d say that they couldn’t find a guy to have sex with. It wasn’t that there weren’t local guys but there weren’t guy of any meaningful substance, to put it like that. If guys on the apps weren’t being overly aggressive and pushy or whoring themselves, they were feeding the great dislike for fakes and flakes and being ghosted. Now, at this point, I gotta say that trying to get laid isn’t the only purpose of the various apps and sites; some guys just want to find other guys who are like them and be able to talk about things and confirming for me that the only thing that was worst than being bi and married is being bi… and having no one you could talk to about it.

I can’t say that it wasn’t nice being able to talk to such guys because it was… but I was learning a lot about why some guys weren’t getting the dick they said that they wanted and because they weren’t, they’d pretty much given up. For some, the issue wasn’t being worried about catching something nasty as much as it was signing up on the app and getting swamped by all the bullshit that can be found there these days or being ghosted or stood up and those things were deemed to be more of a problem than the risk of being outed and more so for those guys who were married and were looking to get some dick on the side.

I figure that any time I hear my protégé complaining about what he sees on all the apps he has, something is rotten in the state of Denmark, or, um, the good old USA. Overly aggressive guys; the apps have more flakes than someone with the worst case of dandruff ever and an almost equal amount of fakes – guys who talk a good game but when it’s time to shit or get off the pot, they always have an excuse and some of them aren’t even plausible. What’s funny is that he often complains about the men on the apps looking for a relationship… and I see other guys complaining about not being able to find a guy who’d want to be an FWB.

I know I got so fed up with the bullshit and dumb shit that when my app sent me the email saying that they’d delete my account if I didn’t sign in within ninety days, I was happy to let them delete it although, admittedly, I haven’t checked to see if it really did get deleted; I keep saying that I gotta check to make sure but I haven’t… and I might not even bother; the fact that I’m not getting emails from them telling me that someone’s looking at me can serve as proof that my profile and account has been deleted… and I’m good with that; again, I stand a better chance of running into a guy who’s not my idea of an asshole just walking out of my front door.

The apps themselves aren’t bad but you do have to have a great deal of patience in order to wade through the bullshit that populates the apps in order to find that “rare” diamond and, well, you gotta be willing to put in the work that’s required to find them. Guys are successful using the various apps and when I was actively using one, I was quite successful as well but, yeah, you gotta go through some shit along with a lot of fits and starts to get lucky and that’s probably more literal than figurative. Some guys have said that they’ve had better success getting some dick by not using the apps because they’ve run into their kind of guy purely by chance. The people who own the apps and sites do their best to clean things up but it’s not all that easy to police things. That some apps require one to pay for the features that would connect them with favorable men is just the business this has turned out to be but for some men, it’s like betting whatever it costs for those features is going to get them the dick they want… and it’s not a given that they will, not that it was a given to begin with.

I remember this one guy who gave me a huge raft of shit because I wasn’t interested in him fucking me “all night long” saying, “If you’re on this app, you’re on here to be fucked!” He went on to question my masculinity but, yeah, that seems to be the prevailing thought held by a lot of men using the apps. To them, the whole purpose of the apps is to have sex with some guy even though they’re called dating apps and, as such, some guys get disillusioned and downright pissed off to run into guys who have zero interest in dating them and want to skip all that getting to know you better stuff so they can get right to having their way with you… and sometimes in a way you’re not feeling one bit.

Like this one guy’s profile I read that was probably the most arrogant thing I’ve ever read. The dude went on and on about his very large dick and how he expected real men to allow him to ravage their holes with his very large dick – and, yeah, the photo he supplied revealed a very large dick – and how he expected men who are going to bottom for them to be real men and not femme in any way. It was… insulting and I thought it was pretty hypocritical since one of the things you can easily find out on the apps is that most bottoms are “femme” being bottoms; I mean, they live to be the girl and take the dick in the ass (and the bigger the better) and since homey was complaining about there being more femme-acting guys than real men, it even had me wondering whether a “real man” – and as he claimed himself to be – would buy into his diatribe and just give up his ass because this asshole said so.

Cityman often regales me with such profiles and it continues to make me wonder if these dudes understand the old saying that says you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. You’re just not going to get any takers by insulting a guy’s masculinity and even if he “acts like a girl” when getting some dick or reaching out to a guy and telling him that he’s gonna submit to some shit that he’s not even interested in – then calling him a fake/flake because of it.

The various apps have become messes that a lot of men don’t want to be bothered with. There’s this… internal “struggle” between the guys who just want to get into your underwear and the guys who aren’t feeling this because they want their sex to be more meaningful than that or, yep, relationship sex. In all those times I’ve said something about men being more funnier about this than women can be, I’m really and seriously not making this up and, yeah, you can get a very good idea of what women have to put up with as they search whatever apps they happen to be on… and none of this works toward making men look desirable and it most certainly fucks it up for decent, well-meaning guys and regardless to sexuality.

Where are all the good and decent guys? Not on the apps. They’re not all “off the market;” you just and probably won’t find them on any of the “dating” apps and no matter how successful these apps are being advertised to be. Not many people are willing to spend a whole lot of time, effort, and even money to have to wade through the cesspools most apps have become in order to find a diamond… and I can’t say that I blame them for not wanting to wade through the shit and especially the large number of men looking for a dick to play with and only finding shit instead or anything other than what they’re looking for.

Thus endeth the “rant” and one about the reality of trying to use apps. They do give you a huge selection of men to choose from and there is literally something for everyone… if you can put up with the dumb shit and petty bullshit that a lot of men bring to such apps. One’s preferences are the alpha and omega of things and usually no-negotiable and there are a lot of men who aren’t willing to negotiate for some ground they can both stand upon. Cityman rhetorically asks me why a lot of guys aren’t, at the least, cocksuckers and my answer is they aren’t… because they aren’t. Personally, I believe that sucking dick should be a basic skill and something two guys can do if they can’t agree on any fucking going on… but that’s not all that realistic and I’m not all that surprised that my protégé is like me in that if you’re not gonna suck my dick, don’t be asking to get yours sucked and then start talking about shoving your dick in my ass and after I’ve made it clear that I’m not feeling that.

Such stuff takes the fun out of being a cocksucker and it’s like I say: Why should the other guy be the only one having fun? On the app, I could easily get rid of the assholes who wanted me to suck them off b saying that I can do that… but they’re gonna be sucking my dick, too. Oh, they’d get so indignant that it was laughable and, while I laughed in their faces, I’d ask them what made them think that I wouldn’t like or want my dick to be sucked, too? I mean, really, dude? But they want what they want and in the exact way they want it and that way is non-negotiable.

The apps are… messy. You can still find a diamond or two if you’re willing to put up with the dumb and petty shit in order to find them. A lot of guys ain’t so willing and for good reason. It seems that there are just a lot of guys whose sole purpose is to make getting some dick harder than it has to be… and that’s a damned shame.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Coming to Terms With It

A forum member posted an interesting thing about coming to terms with being a cocksucker and, at least to me, this is a serious kind of thing that some men can handle and some not so much. Time for a quick trip in the time machine…

Back in the day, you could be called a cocksucker out of anger or in jest and guys just did not have a sense of humor about it all that much but, yeah, your boys get to yanking your chain about being a cocksucker – and you weren’t and they know you aren’t – and there’s so much of this you’re gonna take before you eventually got pissed off about it. And outside of it being jest, someone called you a cocksucker, they had better be ready to fight.

Yeah… for the “longest time,” I had a major objection to being called a cocksucker even in jest and despite the fact that I was sucking cocks like it was going out of style any second now until one day and after beating a guy playing cards, he called me a cocksucker – whether in jest or anger – and I was a split second away from jumping in his ass when something in my head said, “I don’t know why you’re getting ready to start a fight about that… because you are a cocksucker.”

Hmm. Yeah… I was. In that moment, it hit me that I shouldn’t be getting ready to kick ass and take names over something that was very true about myself and even if the person calling me a cocksucker didn’t know that I really was. That was, in effect, my coming to terms with it moment and when I think back about that moment, you betcha – I feel pretty… stupid to have not really come to terms with it before that moment but, okay, better late than not at all.

It had the effect of putting me into a very introspective mood and dealing with the asshole that lives inside my head calling me a cocksucker over and over and, of course, there’s “video evidence” of that and it was unsettling because I never thought of my myself as being one in those terms and not even being told, after sucking a guy’s dick, that I was a good cocksucker; I guess that the high compliment just overshadowed the word itself. That was way back in the late 1960s… and even today, being called a cocksucker is still fighting words and you can’t even joke with guys you know about this… and even if you happen to know that they’re really a cocksucker.

One member responded by saying that even though he’s never sucked a cock, he’s come to terms with wanting to do it and I get it; such a thing isn’t that difficult to get a grip on in your head once one gets past that moment of “denial” that seems to happen that says that he’s not supposed to be thinking about this but, yeah, he is and a lot, too. Coming to those terms? Okay. But in order to really come to terms about being a cocksucker, you gotta suck cock for it all to hit home. Some might say that you don’t have to but, um, if you’ve not or never sucked a cock, how can you be called a cocksucker and how to you really come to terms with something you haven’t done?

Like being called a muff-diver or carpet muncher… and, no, I’m not talking about women; I’m still talking about men and being hit with one of these “insults” could have the same effect as being called a cocksucker. I’ve seen guys get hit with this one… and shit got ugly real fast. Surprisingly, being called one didn’t make me want to go all Bruce Lee on someone like being called a cocksucker did and, no, don’t even think about asking me why because I don’t know why other than to say that it didn’t bother me and anyone calling me that would get the instant response like, “Yeah… and I’m getting more pussy than you are because I dive on muffs…” or something along those lines.

It’s not always that easy to come to terms about doing something that is socially and morally prohibited; you know that it is and you know that there are a lot of people who will give you all kinds of unwanted shit about it and that includes yourself but, at the same time, there’s no way you can really lie to yourself and say that you’re aren’t a cocksucker when (a) you’ve sucked cock and more than once or twice and (b) you liked doing it… and the realization that hits home can be disturbing because even if no one else knows you suck cock, you know it and, as a dear friend used to say, there’s only so much lying you can do to yourself.

One member replied that he’s not out to anyone about being a cocksucker and that everyone around him sees him as a straight and masculine kind of guy and, well, that’s not all that remarkable and to the point where I pointed that out to him; coming to terms about being a cocksucker doesn’t have anything to do with who might know or suspect that you suck cock: It’s about accept the sure and proven fact that, again, you suck dick and you like or love doing it and trying to bullshit yourself that you don’t is a sure sign that you’ve not accepted or come to terms with being a cocksucker. Indeed, you can see this a lot in guys who say that it’s not something they do all of the time… and like that nullifies being a cocksucker.

Okay. If you do it once, you sucked cock. Not many people, if they knew you did it, would call you a cocksucker even though, technically, you are. Kinda. If you do it again – and no matter the space of time in between the first and second times, eh, you might be called a cocksucker. Maybe. But if you keep right on doing it – and, again, no matter how often you do or don’t do it – yeah, you’re a cocksucker alright… but a lot of guys tend to mindfuck themselves into believing that they aren’t the cocksucker they’ve been behaving like. There is a lot of guilt and shame attached to this and right along with the angst that’s been around since forever toward any man who’d stoop that low and suck another man’s cock and being all unmanly and, yeah, even girly by trespassing on women’s territory and, oh, yeah, you’re gay, too.

So it’s not even unusual that a guy who sucks cocks is going to be of a mind to let everyone he knows that he likes doing this; no – he’s going to remain silent about it and, again, even kid himself that he’s not really a cocksucker because it’s not something he does all of the time and that sentiment always either makes me laugh or frown a lot because I’m a cocksucker… and it’s not something I do all of the time but I came to terms with being a cocksucker a long time ago. A lot of guys, I think, don’t really come to terms about it since whenever this kind of topic comes up on the forum, it’s one of those, “Yeah, but…” things that drives me partially insane because many of those guys seem to be of a mind that going on and on about how they like to suck cock or how infrequently they do it has anything to do with accepting and coming to terms with being a cocksucker. Period.

How you do it doesn’t mean anything. Nor does only doing it a few times a year or every other day or whatever. If you perform oral sex on a guy, you’re a cocksucker. It doesn’t even matter whether you swallow cum or not and, yeah, some guys will tell you that they’re not a cocksucker because the guy came in their face or somewhere other than their mouth… and totally glossing over the fact that they had homey’s dick in their mouth and if you mention this to them, they’ll usually, “Yeah, but…” you and now you’re gonna hear about their preferences and their right not to do something and all that rot… but not admitting that they are, in fact and in deed, a cocksucker and letting it go at just that main point.

I found myself… adjusting to the epitaph and in some pretty annoying ways, I think. A guy would call me a cocksucker for some reason and I’d hit him with the usual, “It takes one to know one” but, a bit more creatively, sometimes responding with, “You wish…” or, even better, “Are you offering?” But I stopped getting highly pissed about it and ready to fight or end friendships… because I was – am – a cocksucker. I knew it even if no one else did and for those who suspected that I was, okay: Prove it. A whole different thing when it could be proved and I’ve been outed as a cocksucker quite a few times in my life and as regrettable as that might have been, it changed nothing because even after losing some friends, I was still a cocksucker.

I’m more than good with it even when I know others wouldn’t me. I came to terms with it. I accepted it as the truth about myself. I actually love doing it and make it clear that the only thing better is eating pussy, which makes me a muff-diver and would you believe that there are still people who believe that Black men don’t eat pussy? Yeah, that one still cracks me up…. but I digress.

Maybe there are those who think or otherwise feel that coming to terms with this ain’t that big of a deal but I happen to know that for some guys, it really is and given the many times I’ve given a guy his first cocksucking experience and have had to sit and talk to him about it because he enjoyed the experience but is now feeling the guilt and shame associated with it and the times where this particular moment of truth has been emotionally disturbing and that’s being nice about it. One guy, after blowing me, looked up at me, blinked and said, “I’m a cocksucker…” – then threw up all over me. I came to understand that we – society at large – tend to think more about the act itself than the impact it can have on a guy but, then again, this same society is of a mind that not only are all gay men cocksuckers, all bi men are as well… and that’s never been the truth. Some guys try it and they just didn’t like it and that’s one thing… but imagine, if you can and will, being a guy who has been going on with his life and knowing that men who suck cock aren’t all that acceptable then, one day, he finds himself sucking cock – and how he winds up doing it doesn’t matter a whole lot compared to the potential psychological impact that he just did something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do and now he has to come to terms with himself because he not only did, he can’t even really lie and say he didn’t like it… and more so if and when he finds himself thinking about doing it again.

I’ve opined that it takes a lot of very manly guts to suck another man’s cock… and it can take even more of those manly guts to come to terms with being a cocksucker and someone who, again, isn’t seen as favorable in our society. Being able to come to terms with being one gets harder because this same society will put the gay tag on him in a hurry and will often wave off the fact that homey likes women and pussy more as inconsequential; he’s not only a cocksucker, he’s a gay cocksucker and knowing this can make coming to terms about being a cocksucker… daunting at the least.

Yes: A lot of guys come to terms with it and it wasn’t all that hard for them to do so… and I’m not talking about them but, yeah, they did have to come to terms with it and I know guys who will tell you that they are cocksucking whores and cum sluts and they’re damned proud of it… because the came to terms with it and it doesn’t make sense to not be proud of the fact that they can do something that a whole lot of men can’t even imagine doing. Coming to terms about it means not bullshitting yourself in any way that you suck cock. Period. Doesn’t matter why you do or how you do it or how frequently or infrequently you do it. It doesn’t even matter what you like or dislike about it because in order to know these things, um, you gotta suck cock.

Making such a determination without sucking cock can be done and now we get into that “thinking is doing” thing because some guys can come to terms with wanting to suck a dick… but that still ain’t the same as doing it and coming to terms with that all by itself… and then not being all that worried about what someone else might say about them being a cocksucker. Even I’ve told guys who’ve given me shit about it, “You’re just pissed because I can do something you don’t have the nerve to do…” and, yeah, sometimes I’ve insulted their manhood – because they insulted mine – by adding that I can do something that they’re not man enough to do. Yeah… this shit can get fugly but that’s nothing all that new and because it’s well-known and that there are plenty of horror stories about this, it can make coming to terms with being a cocksucker not all that easy for some guys.

I might not shout it out to the whole damned world and/or everyone I know that I’m a cocksucker… but I know that I am. I accept it. I came to terms with myself about it albeit after pretty much giving myself a swift kick in the nuts about it and, yeah, realizing that I actually hadn’t despite being a cocksucking fiend; it was just something I loved doing and no real thought about being a cocksucker and then getting bent out of shape being called one and as a knee-jerk reaction more than putting on airs and as if I really wasn’t one. I was. I am. Shit. But, okay, am I ashamed of it? Nope. Nothing to be mad about, is there?

Not at all… because it doesn’t make sense to me to be all pissed off, guilty, or ashamed of something I not only want to do but love doing. I know this even if there are people who know me that doesn’t know it. Not all that concerned about them and it’s not my fault that they can’t accept it or give me that crap about it’s okay but it’s not something they’d do… and I’ve heard that one before from guys and some of them turned out to be cocksucker, too, and they haven’t quite gotten around to coming to terms about it since they tend to qualify things – what they prefer, what they like and don’t like or it’s not something they do all of the time and other such stuff that I think gets in the way of really coming to terms about being a cocksucker.

I think some guys are okay with calling themselves a cocksucker… but no one else had better call them one and the shit will most likely hit the fan if someone does. The psychology, as always, is utterly fascinating. For some men, coming to terms with the fact that they are a cocksucker isn’t all that difficult but for others? It’s either going to take a few for that to happen… and if it does at all since it’s all to easy to convince one’s self that they’re not really the cocksucker they’ve been behaving like.

Just another of those bi guy things that ya might not be aware of… and one that I have the nerve to say something about. It’s not a condemnation for guys to not be able to come to terms about it but it, I think, goes a long way toward understanding some root cause stuff that explains why there are men who are bisexual and they’re… cocksuckers along with the fact that not all bisexual men suck cock. We really aren’t all the same in this but the one thing we all do have in common is having to come to terms with the fact that we are cocksuckers and, yeah, with or without qualifications like it not being something we’d do all of the time because I don’t know anyone who actually does do it all of the time and that includes gay men… and not all of them are cocksuckers, either.

Enjoy the rest of your day. I’m gonna fry some chicken for dinner and finish my Borderlands 3 game…

 

KDaddy’s General Observations: Only in California

I had to write this before it slipped my mind. I was looking at my online newsfeeds when my eye caught a blurb about California passing a law and making it illegal to remove a condom during sex without the other person’s permissions, aka, stealthing… and California is the first and only state with this law now on the books.

I saw the blurb and my curiosity made me read it and as I thought, “Stealthing? What the fuck is that?” Then I read it and thought, “Oh, okay…” I’d heard of it before; I’d heard women putting the word out on some dude who was fucking them with a condom and everything’s going good and the next thing she knew, she could feel his cum blasting into her and it dawns on her that somewhere along the line, he removed the condom and she wasn’t aware that he had… and, yeah, she was beyond being pissed off that he did.

Admittedly, I’d not heard of such a thing “a whole lot.” Now, I’ve used condoms having sex with people and I’ve had them ask me to take it off… and I don’t remember ever asking them if I could take it off and I sure as fuck wouldn’t do something as heinous as having one on, screwing them, and then just ripping it off and being all raw up in them. I’ve broken them and, um, have had them come off in there and the sex just stops to take care of such things… but to just take it off and not tell the other person that you’re doing that and if it’s okay? Ugh.

I’d guess that in the state of California, stealthing is a major problem and one that caused them to make a law against it. It’s the crime/offense of sexual assault, according to the article and someone perpetrating this offense can be sued in civil court. Here’s the link to one such article so you can read it for yourself: https://www.npr.org/2021/10/07/1040160313/california-stealthing-nonconsensual-condom-removal

I understand what they said about why they passed this law… didn’t know it was that much of a “thing,” though. The article cited a BBC show where some dude stealthed the woman he was having sex with and the NPR article said something about this being hyped in pop culture and making me think that, perhaps, my pop culture knowledge is sorely lacking or it just might be lacking because I don’t live in California… and Californians, without offense, well, they do some pretty “weird” stuff that other states probably don’t even know about and I often have fun teasing the shit out of my protege over. However, this isn’t a laughing matter… and I will be asking him what he knows about this as he follows California politics fairly closely.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “I Need Somebody!”

Of all the “issues” connected with and to bisexuality, finding someone to do the deed with is, hands down, one of the hardest things to do. It doesn’t take a whole lot for one to decide what they want to experience; many bisexuals on the verge of taking the plunge tend to know exactly what they want to experience and how they want to while some are of a mind to try it all then sort it all out to find the thing or things they like the most.

If only they could find someone.

Some looking to plunge are looking for someone who, like them, have little or no experience while others are looking for someone with a “PhD ” in things same-sex and, of course, there’s the whole thing about the devil you know and the one you don’t to be taken into consideration. The “Hearts, Not Parts” gang is all about putting the person first and downplaying interest in the parts and, I feel, not really thinking about the fact that when you want to have sex with someone, you usually and generally want to know something about them and enough to be able to make as informed a decision as possible in order to get naked with them.

Among some men, however, um, being all into the guy isn’t something they’re interested in; for them, just pull out the dick but, yeah, if homey has been deemed to be okay to do something with and, of course, depending upon how one goes about determining that. At the least, if the guy in question isn’t their idea of an asshole, okay, they can do something and coming back for more of the same is optional and open to be negotiated. Among others, some being into is a mandatory requirement first and foremost and that’s fine except there are a lot of men who don’t wanna go there all that much; they’re either already trying to manage an emotional relationship with someone or they just might feel that being “overly emotionally involved” with another guy is “too gay” for their sensibilities or not worth the effort and the potential for drama.

The “current” options are NSA or FWB sex and with FWB sex “taking the lead” and, I think, it’s very much in line with the rule that says the only allowable sex is relationship sex and, of course, the FWB model is about being more than just friends and the benefits are, well, you know what they are. In the recent past, the FWB model was about all of the benefits but none of the responsibilities that traditional relationships mandate and while many can just have sex without having those more deeper emotions getting unlocked, some people can find themselves being unlocked even if/when they’re not trying to go there and especially if the sex is really good, not to mention how much the FWB lovers eventually find out about each other. The thing or, really and probably, the main thing is that it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to jump into bed with someone you just don’t like and can’t find a single thing likeable about them as a person which kinda takes us back to the devil you know and the one you don’t… and some folks just don’t have the time or patience to deal with the devil they don’t know so they can become the devil that they do know.

Preferences. I’ve been privy to the preferences of a lot of people and, um, wow and whew: They can be quite involved and specific and usually not subject to change. That everyone has them isn’t at issue so much except if you live in the US, you’re looking for one person out of 350 million people so the odds of finding that one person who exactly meets your preferences gets pretty interesting, to be nice about it and more so when and as I’ve seen, people create the ideal person in their mind and, um, that person might not exist or, whew, is one of over 3 billion people currently alive and kicking on the planet. Adding to the problem of finding someone is… settling for less than what you want, a sentiment I hear a lot. If you’re not of a mind to have a minimum set of requirements and stick with the maximum requirements, your chances of finding someone to do the nasty with become severely limited and even more improbable given the stupidly high number of legal adults you could potentially have sex with worldwide.

Being stubborn about that which you prefer ain’t gonna get you laid. This is yet another of those, “Yeah, but…” things, by the way; folks know that they’ve set the bar very high and that by doing so, they’re not doing themselves any favors… but they have the right to want exactly what they want… and then they really do expect to find that one person and “close enough for government work” just isn’t good enough because that means that they’re settling for less than what the want and deserve.

As I mentioned somewhere along the line in another scribble, when a guy tells me that we’re incompatible because my dick is shorter or longer than that which he prefers, I’m thinking that something ain’t quite right in this; when I had a guy tell me that I was too tall for him, I went from being totally dumbfounded to laughing so much and so hard I pulled a muscle in my side. And he was serious, too, and didn’t appreciate me finding this preference of his as hilariously – and painfully – funny.

Even with sexuality not being an issue, I’ve seen people setting the bar very high and, clearly, it’s been set too high because they’re almost constantly wondering why they can’t find someone to be intimate with; when you set the bar so high that no one can reach it, what do you think isn’t going to happen? When you start disqualifying people over what could be seen and construed as nitpicky things like only trimming your pubic hair versus shaving it bald, chances are that you won’t be plunging anytime soon.

Attraction. Whew. Cityman and I often broach this topic when he tells me about a guy who hit him up and in right in his preference wheelhouse but says that the guy’s been disqualified because he’s not attracted to him… and I’ve said several versions of, “What the fuck? Are you planning on marrying him or something?” Talking about this is like walking a minefield, blindfolded, and in near total darkness because everyone has their own idea of what’s attractive and what isn’t… and many really do expect that attraction to be instantaneous and if not, you’re disqualified. I get it but it also seems to me – and I could be wrong – that when you’re looking for someone to plunge with and attraction is a major thing, understanding that instant and immediate attraction, um, well, it doesn’t work the way everyone thinks it should and if you look at the prospective lover and don’t have an orgasm at first sight, now it’s about finding something that’s attractive enough about them in order to get your cookies crumbled… and some folks don’t wanna be bothered with that.

Like I’ve said to Cityman and so many other people, your eyes can and will deceive you; don’t trust them. It doesn’t make you feel good to have someone kick you to the curb because you’re a few pounds overweight or you aren’t clean shaven or a plethora of physical attributes that doesn’t fit someone else’s idea of being attractive. Someone asked me – a long time ago – whether it mattered to me what the other person looks like and were, I think, perplexed when I said that it didn’t matter to me what they looked like because the thing I find attractive about people is where their head is about stuff. Even Cityman asked how I managed to have as much sex as I’ve in my life and I think he was a bit perplexed when I said that I don’t make decisions about sex based on what I see; just because it looks good doesn’t mean that it is good and, yeah, things that don’t look all that sporty are surprisingly good, you know, if you can look past what can be seen.

I get a lot of that “I don’t like guys/gals like that!” and my response to this is, “Who says you have to? You just gotta like them enough to have sex with them.” It’s a loaded question because the way sex is supposed to be taken care of says that you have to like them and be physically attracted to them and, of course, there’s a reason for this that I think a lot of people don’t know about but this is the way it’s supposed to be and the “only” requirement, as it were and that’s what most people run with even when they find out – and they always find out – that their idea of what’s sexually attractive ain’t getting them laid and usually because they’re not of a mind to rethink and adjust this. They don’t have to but, um, well, if you’re bi and still looking for someone to be intimate with, what does that tell you? And if you know that you’ve been overthinking all of this, why haven’t you changed some stuff?

Sigh. Cityman and I get to talking about this and I’m not sure he really believes me when I tell him that finding someone to get busy with was a whole lot easier than it is today. It really was as simple as, “Hey, do you wanna do it?” and either you did or you didn’t but, uh-huh, you usually did. Yes, things got… iffy when you’d run across the devil you didn’t know or the one you didn’t know a whole lot about but as long as either devil was okay with you, sure – when and where and even a brief discussion about likes and dislikes. Didn’t matter if the guy was GQ-handsome or butt-ugly; as long as they wanted to do something and they weren’t an asshole and, hopefully, didn’t turn into one once the clothes came off, sure, we can do something. I don’t know about anyone else’s experiences but I found that the people who were really fun to have sex with… were the people other folks didn’t think were attractive in some way or the other. Did it matter if a guy had a big dick or a little one?

Nah, not really and because it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean and all that. If he or she wanted to do what you wanted to or you could do what they wanted to do, it would get done and if it was good, let’s do it again, shall we? Like I told Cityman, I’d often wind up turning people down and not because they were my idea of an asshole or cunt but because there were “too many” people who were more than willing to get naked with me. Really, there’s only so many hours in a day… and there’s always other things that require one’s full attention like working and other stuff like that.

The bottom line in this is that if you make trying to find someone hard for yourself to do, you’re not going to have any success finding them. I hear guys (and some gals) saying that they can’t find someone to get busy with when what they really mean is that they can’t find someone who, at least on the surface, doesn’t and cannot meet their preferences and it kinda baffles me how a guy can prefer a huge dick when they haven’t had an average sized dick of any dick, period. Yeah, it’s what they want and what they prefer – I get it but it’s not like there isn’t a slew of such very well endowed guys out there so, um, tell me again why you can’t find someone?

Folks get iffy about “shitting where they eat” and, yeah, I get that; the fear of being outed is great and in closely-knit places, it’s probably not a good idea to have everyone knowing your business in these things and as what things can be like in such places. For them, looking outside of their local environs is the thing to do but there remains the “problem” of finding someone out there who meets all requirements and with little or no exception. Again, when you make it hard to do, you ain’t gonna get any and, yeah, it’s your fault more than it is whoever failed to meet your very exacting requirements.

Hell and damnation: Some folks can’t find someone because they’re not doing a damned thing to try to find someone and that’s the part that really bakes my noodle. They don’t want to use any of the apps and aren’t of a mind to “go on the hunt” or are all that willing to be hunted. If you do nothing, you get nothing; I’ve said this to a lot of guys and they’ve said, “Yeah, you’re right, but…” and followed by a very long list containing every reason they can think of as to why they’re not in the game and either hunting for “prey” or being hunted as “prey,” to use this very apt analogy.

It’s not very damned likely that the Bi Fairy is going to fill your request for someone and drop them off like you ordered that someone from Amazon. We had a saying back in the day: You gotta bring ass to get ass and while that was usually associated with fighting – you can’t kick my ass without bringing your ass to get kicked, too – it’s applicable to the way some folks go about trying to find someone they can be sexually bisexual with. A great many people are severely risk-adverse; not without reason, mind you, but as I’ve mentioned time and time again, practically scared shitless over things that can be mitigated, minimized, or flat out eliminated with the application of some common sense.

I would say that for myself and in the majority of times, if I say no to someone, it’s because they’re my idea of an asshole or a cunt. Their personality or mindset is unattractive or in a place where I don’t want to be bothered with trying to work with since a lot of people tend to be quite rigid about that which they prefer. I don’t discriminate – unless you’re that asshole or cunt. Nothing matters more than where your head is about things and your desire. It’s not even about how good one is doing whatever; I’ll take enthusiasm over experience any day. If you want to and I want to, let’s see what we can do; I’m willing to negotiate until we can come to terms about things because I’m all about making it easier than I am making it harder… or damned near impossible. So what if you’re not of the “Ken and Barbie” type? Doesn’t mean shit to me. Not all that experienced? I can help you with that and it’s not a deal-breaker as far as I’m concerned. Don’t have a dick hanging down to your knees? Not as tight as a virgin (if you’re female)? I could care less about that; what I do care about is your desire and where your head is about this and a lot of other stuff.

It’s not that there are those who go about this in a similar way that I do; it’s that there are a whole lot of people who haven’t figured out that the harder you make this for yourself, the less likely you’re going to find someone because there are an untold number of people who’d pretty much do whatever you wanted to get that chance to do something with you and if you’re willing to put in the work that’s also required. Reasons and preferences should be respected but, yeah, those same reasons and preferences just might be the reason why you can’t find someone.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Handle Your Bizness

This “message” is for anyone who is trying to come to grips with being bisexual; it’s for those who are clamoring for “instant approval” of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation; it’s for those who are, sorry, sitting around and whining about “everybody” hating them because they’re bisexual. It’s for those who are sitting and thinking that, you know, checking this out might not be all that bad and for those who feel as if they have “no other choice” than to embrace bisexuality even as a measure of last resort. It’s for those who are sitting around and doing nothing more than making excuses for why they shouldn’t handle their bizness when they know they damned well need to.

Handle your bizness. Do whatever it is you have to do to take care of yourself in this. Taking in all the feel good stuff that can be seen is all well and good since there’s no reason for anyone to feel badly about themselves and just because the haters are out there doing their level best to do just that:

Make you feel bad. Get you to thinking that there’s something wrong with you. Pervert. Freak. Taking advantage of a straight privilege that is, in my opinion, bullshit since there’s a lot about being straight that ain’t all that cool and not all straight people play by the rules and like they expect everyone else to. Those same people insisting that you accept that you’re really gay and spreading all sorts of doom and gloom messages. That being on the DL is a den of deceit and disease and a clear and present danger to everyone around them. These people want to scare you straight and if you’re listening to them, they’re winning; they’ve made you be someone you know you aren’t. How do you feel about that, hmm?

I am here today to tell you that none of that crap has ever stopped anyone from handling their bizness. A lot of the recent things I’ve seen is about self-care… and handling your bizness is very much a part of that self-care thing. Being able to admit to yourself that, yep, this is how I feel and what I’ve been thinking about, which is the first part of handling your bizness. Rule Number One: Look after your own ass first. Do what you gotta do and, yes, if you must, by any means necessary. If you’re sitting around waiting for societal approval, I hope you’re not holding your breath on this because it won’t be coming any time soon; look at how long it took for homosexuals to gain the level of approval they have at this point – it took centuries and some political/legal actions for society to finally – and grudgingly – admit that homosexuals are people just like everyone else is.

Handle your bizness. Don’t mindfuck yourself into believing that you shouldn’t handle your bizness because – and I’ll keep reminding you – your first responsibility is to yourself and the adage that says if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of anyone else always comes to mind. Some will tell you that sacrifices must be made for the greater good or, to quote Star Trek, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Yeah… not really; not when it comes to your mental and physical health and well-being it doesn’t because when it comes to bisexuality, we are the many.

Handle your bizness. You were never alone in this. Never. If you feel isolated, it’s because you’ve done that to yourself because you believe that no one is going to accept the fact that you’re not all that straight. The truth is that a lot of people aren’t going to and there’s nothing new about that but if you let this stop you from handling your bizness, they win. They’re in control of you. Got the utter gall to tell you that you can’t be what you want and need to be and more so when being “like them” isn’t working for you all that well or, yes, it’s not enough to make you feel good and right about yourself. They say bisexuals are greedy and to this charge, I plead guilty as a motherfucker and always will.

Even if you’re just “bisexual in your head,” handle your bizness. You’re allowed to think what you want; you’re allowed to feel what you feel. Being bisexual isn’t all about doing but I’ll never lie to you: Doing feels pretty damned good and it’s supposed to because sex feels good; being intimate with someone feels good. “Naughty” as fuck and that can make it even more fun or, as I’ve said, it’s sinfully delicious. Even if you’re just entertaining these thoughts and feelings, do yourself a favor: Don’t overthink it. Don’t make this any more complicated than it already is and with the understanding that all of this is complicated because of the many people who steadfastly, fervently, and dogmatically believe that being straight is the only way to be.

Yeah, um, no – it isn’t. It never was. It still isn’t. Handle your bizness. Do you, boo. Because one sure fact is that no one is going to do it for you and, really, who’s supposed to? Again, I’m not going to lie to you: It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission but, um, some do ask permission… and they get it and, hmm, the person giving the permission has been known to benefit as well because they just might have been sitting around and wondering how they were gonna handle their bizness without bringing all kinds of unholy hell down around them. In this, it really is better to try and fail than to not try at all but, yeah, when you get right down to it, the only person’s permission you need is… your own. Lemme tell you something about the DL…

At any point and time in our existence as a species, humans have always been doing this or that and with the express purpose of not letting anyone else know what they’re doing and that includes “mundane” things. too, like buying something you probably shouldn’t have bought but you wanted it so you got it and there’s always that one person who, if they found out you did this, will tell you that you shouldn’t have. The DL is the place a whole lot of people go to when there’s something they’re doing that they don’t want too many other people knowing about and that can literally be anything… but there are those who will tell you that going on the DL for sex and other intimacies makes you the lowest of the low and the worst person ever born. Why? Mostly because they don’t know what you’re doing there and, in these bisexual things, it’s not as if they’d happily and gladly give you permission to handle this particular bit of the bizness and all out in the open.

The truth is that a lot of bisexuals are on the DL because they have no other choice than to be there and many don’t like being there… but needs always must. Oh, and it’s not just married bisexuals who are on the DL – single ones are and can be, too… because they don’t want the people who know them – and who will most likely object to them handling their bizness – to know that they’re handling their bizness…

Which is why a lot of people are on the DL about this, that, or the other. I have even heard of people being accused of being on the DL just for having thoughts or that thing they call emotional infidelity or, really, that coveting thing the Ten Commandments says we should and cannot ever do. Well, um, if you wanna go there, who among us isn’t on the DL inside their own head? Thinking about stuff you don’t want anyone else to know that you’re thinking?

Handle your bizness because a life lived in fear is a life that’s not worth living. Is being bisexual risky? Yes. Just as risky as being straight or gay can be. But being sexually intimate with someone – anyone – is the bane of our existence as a species and I’ve seen and heard of people – usually straight people – doing things that even I wouldn’t do but I get it: The risk is acceptable and can be mitigated and/or minimized. I know guys who will not ever hesitate to go down on a woman… but will lose their shit over going down on a man… and they want this. I know guys who won’t hesitate to feed a woman his cock… and lose their shit over feeding it to another guy… and they want to. Why? Because they’re afraid of handling their bizness and their heads are full of nightmares of guilt and disease. There is a reason, my friends, that having sex is said to be dirty and nasty… but that’s never stopped anyone from having sex all that much.

Handle your bizness… and that means being smart about it. Taking whatever precautions and preventive measures you can bring to bear and with the understanding that the only safe sex is not having sex at all. Ever. Period. Oh, wait… that’s not exactly all that healthy, is it? Not having sex or otherwise being intimate does some shit to one’s mind and body that can have short and long term deleterious effects. You wanna know why so many bisexuals say they’re depressed? It’s because they ain’t handling all of their bizness. All of the fearmongering going on about being fatally infected, being raped, and subjected to acts of violence is, in part, real-deal shit… but what they don’t tell you – what they will never tell you – is that not all bisexuals experience this. Even the people who are pro-bisexuality take this as a given… because they believe what the haters are saying and, yes, taking into consideration all those unfortunate bisexuals who have, sadly, experienced these things.

Still hasn’t stopped a lot of bisexuals from handling their bizness. Yes… we can be some seriously horny people but we’re not stupid or as careless as others say we are. People make mistakes; nothing new going on here. People don’t always “get it right” every time. Shit always happens when you sure as fuck don’t need it happening or aren’t even expecting it to happen. Just the nature of the beast and all of that. It’s why one of the things I tell people contemplating bisexuality to think first, then act if they must and, yeah, if they can. When in doubt, do nothing even if doing nothing isn’t what you had in mind. Act responsibly so you can keep Rule Number One in effect and not causing yourself any issues that will keep you from keeping Rule Number One in effect.

It’s not really that difficult. Yes… if part of handling your bizness is doing the deed, choose carefully and wisely but, again, don’t overthink it. Do you best not to make it harder to do it and employ the KISS principle. Doing so doesn’t make you a slut or a whore or anything else you’ve been made to believe in order to shame the fuck out of you for wanting and needing intimacy: It makes you smarter and, yep, in line with the subsets of Rule Number One. Make it easy on yourself to do the deed… and handle your bizness if you can.

Bisexuality isn’t just a thing to do: It’s a way to be. Mind and body. Seeing the truth about what it means to be human and the social – and very damned sexual – critters we’ve always been and despite all those rules that serve to keep these things about ourselves in check… but still hasn’t stopped anyone from handling their bizness and sexuality doesn’t have a damned thing to do with it in every situation. Many do not want you to be what you are or think you may be and the funny part is they’re more afraid of you than you should be afraid of them… because bisexuality sure as hell takes everything we’re made to believe about love, sex, and relationships… and trashes it. Totally debunks that “you’re either straight or gay” bullshit. Makes people uneasy because “the type” looks like… everyone. Anyone. Invokes our hard-wired fear of the other and our fear of the unknown like nothing else can in these things.

In this, I’ve allowed that you could be right next to a bisexual… and you’d never know it. Could very well be someone you know, too, and unless they told you – and they’re probably very much of a mind to keep that on the DL (see what I did?) – you wouldn’t know it and especially if they’re only “bisexual in their head” and they’re handling their bizness this way and it’s perfectly acceptable for them handle it like this because, gasp, not all bisexuals have the sex and they don’t want or need to.

Just. Handle. Your. Bizness. The best way you can and even in the much-heralded self-care way that is, again, becoming a mainstream kind of thing. It really is okay for you to be… you. Some folks, again, might not like you for being who you need to be and that’s a shame and a pretty fucked up way for people to behave; we say, “Live and let live” but we really don’t mean that all that much and especially for those people – we bisexuals – who aren’t exactly living the way we’re supposed to be which is straight. Oh, wait – we are straight, well, until we do something that isn’t. And that reminds me that if there’s something that proves that thinking and doing aren’t always the same thing, it’s this. Being bisexual. One of the most important lessons I learned about being bisexual is just because I can do it doesn’t mean I always have to… but I can think about it. As a matter of fact, I always think about it because, truth be told, I can’t think in any other way since it’s how I look after my own ass first. Handling my bizness.

Being myself. Because if I’m not going to be me, who’s supposed to and who am I supposed to be if not myself? Who really gets to tell me how to be me? Well, a lot of people think and have thought that they could do just that and, honestly, I’ve not paid them a lot of attention since, you know, this happens to be my life and all that. Yes, what I do can impact and affect others and I’m always aware and mindful of this but I still gotta be myself and, at the least, handle the bizness of being… myself and I am very damned bisexual and right along with everything else that I am. Because the biggest part of handling the bizness is accepting that I am what I am and, yep, I’ve done what I’ve done and have zero regrets about it.

And if, by chance, you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…,” don’t. Just don’t. Anything you’re going to say about that “but” is some stuff that social and moral norms wants and needs you to say and, I hate to say it, but you look kinda… silly doing the “Yeah, but…” thing because you’re telling me that you understand what I’m saying and that you don’t and due to whatever you believe and, yeah, what you wouldn’t do and almost just like all of those people – those haters – who really do believe that because it’s something they wouldn’t do, no one ever should… but, lol, people are handling their bizness just the same because it doesn’t make sense for them not to and many have found that they’re doing more harm to themselves by not handling their bizness and by any means available to them.

You don’t have to believe me. Many don’t and especially this “new breed” of bisexuals who, admittedly, kinda confuse me with their view of things and all this political crap that’s coming down the pike and, yeah, with all their bitching and moaning and whining about how they can’t be the way they need to be because “everyone else” won’t let them and they feel all alone and unloved and, oh, yeah, ain’t getting any the way they want and need to and not, it seems, being about handling that part of the bizness that says it’s okay to be the way you are even if no one else is gonna like it.

I know what’s being said. Don’t much give a fuck about it and haven’t for a long time now because I’m all about Rule Number One… and I know what’s being said is mostly bullshit to begin with and ancient bullshit at that. Nothing that’s being said today is anything I haven’t heard before… about homosexuals. They’re on the DL, too, and they invoke that “straight privilege” and were doing it before society even got close to taking bisexuality seriously… and then accusing us of invoking this imaginary privilege. I handle my bizness in the face of all of this because I gotta be me and, yeah, not like I have much of a choice in not being myself and, yeah, part of myself is…

Bisexual. Happily handling the bizness of being myself first and foremost and as anyone should be doing instead of constantly worrying themselves sick about what someone else is going to think about them or sitting back and waiting for the world to change when that’s not likely to happen any time soon or coming up with all kinds of reasons why they can’t be what they know themselves to be and, yeah, living a life full of fear and then wondering why they feel so shitty about things.

Handle your damned bizness. Do what you gotta do even if that also means not doing anything. Be you. Do you. Because no one else can or will do it for you. If you don’t look after your own ass, who’s supposed to? Are you really happy to put your mental and physical well-being in someone else’s hands and more so if that someone ain’t feeling this part of what goes well toward that mental and physical well-being?

Handle your bizness… or don’t. Totally up to you but you gotta know that there are a growing number of people who are and have been handling their bizness and doing quite well, too. I’m one of them and I’m not even the only one. I’m not trying to convert anyone because I know for a fact that some people just can’t be bisexual even inside their own head. It’s okay. Really. I’m just the guy who has the nerve to suggest that if you are or wanna be, fuck the dumb shit and be who you need to be and find out if merely accepting that you are can make you feel better about yourself… and if you wanna do something about, heh, heh, you just might like it because a whole lot of us most certainly do.

Don’t get to fussing about the label; it’s just an identifier because we gotta call it something because it is very much a part of the world we are interacting with. Don’t get caught up in the psychobabble that suggests that bisexuality isn’t really and only about men and women because those who don’t believe themselves to be either can be bisexual, too. Don’t take the horror stories as the gospel truth of things; they happen but they don’t happen to everyone who is bisexual (and I’m living proof of that). Understand that you’re not living two different lives; you’re still living one life and one with two, ah, sexual or semi-sexual interests, you know, depending on how you really feel about doing the nasty.

Don’t think you could? That’s okay – a lot of people don’t think they could… until they find out that they can and who knew it could feel pretty normal? Oh, that’s right – bisexuals knew that because it is normal; it’s sex and more than that. Handling your bizness in this is being able to grasp these things and it will change the way you look at a lot of things and, yep, uh-huh, doing the nasty which, um, well, okay, it’s fun and healthy. Feels good but the biggest feel good thing is knowing that you can if you wanted or need to… and you don’t have to do it all of time time…

But you gotta be about the bizness of being who you want and need to be all of the time, don’t you? If so, handle it. Deal with it. Take care of the bizness of being the person you are or want to be in these things. The only thing stopping you is yourself and, believe me when I say that there’s a whole lot of other people who ain’t stopping and handling their bizness in some way or the other so, nope, not and never alone in this. And, yes, part of handling your bizness in this is being able to stand tall in the face of all this adversity and prejudice.

Handle your bizness or don’t and ask yourself how that’s working for you in the real-deal self-care way of things.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Why It Makes Sense

It just popped into my head. The many times that I’ve heard someone say that dudes having sex with dudes doesn’t make sense to them. The understanding that it doesn’t make sense to them because they’re not looking at it for what it is:

Sex. I’ve said to some, “If you really know anything about men, you know what most of us think about and want to do and every chance we get. Having said that, you believe that men should only have sex with women and since you believe this, that a guy would have sex with another guy doesn’t make sense to you.”

Seriously, it’s not that difficult to figure out and make sense of. I’ve said that gay men haven’t exactly done other men any favors over the decades when so many of them were flaunting their gayness to the world and drawing even more ire towards homosexuals for their “blatant disregard” for the sensibilities of those who are of a more moral frame of mind.

It makes sense… because having sex makes sense.

The world got “shocked” to find out that there are men (and women) who have this kind of sex and they’re not gay. Gasp! Say it ain’t so! Well, it is so. The comedy of errors continued as a moral minded world – and one that had been hard at work trying to eradicate homosexuality – pretty much lost their shit and if homosexuality didn’t make sense to them, bisexuality sure as fuck didn’t… and that makes you wonder about some stuff and what it says about our willingness to believe something that the reality just flat out proves wrong.

At the root of it, it’s sex. It, uh, makes sense that humans have sex. From straight to bi to gay, people have sex. Duh. Kinda cockeyed to think that “only straight people are allowed to have sex,” right? Which, given this, it makes sense that it doesn’t make sense to discover that bisexuals and homosexuals aren’t having sex the same way straight people are but, again, we see the Great Disconnect because we are forever looking at who and not what so much. If you saw a woman sucking dick, well, nothing to see here; you see that same woman being fucked, still nothing unusual going on and the same with the guy she’s with going to town eating her. All normal. Makes all the sense in the world.

But let two guys do this and now it doesn’t make any damned sense whatsoever. Depending on who you talk to, two women doing the same thing, oddly, makes a bit more sense, you know, given men’s tarnished history with women but in either case, it grudgingly “makes sense” because they must be gay… and the shock comes to discover that, um, no, they probably aren’t gay. Now it doesn’t make sense for anyone to be so greedy and “perverted” as to have sex with both men and women.

Who does that? Well, um, more people than can be easily imagined because, again, at the root of it, it’s sex. It’s being the social animals that we actually are and something we, as a species, has been doing all along. The problem showed up the moment a bunch of people decided that any sex that didn’t make babies was just flat out wrong. Okay. That actually makes sense given how precarious life was back then and, in today’s terms, life expectancy was maybe 25 years or less given predators and illnesses for which there were no cures. And it wasn’t as if everyone wasn’t doing their part in this since, um, there are a few billion of us today but it also stands to reason that not everyone was having sex in the preferred way at all or as a matter of course and that would have been every- and anyone who was bisexual or homosexual…

Because sex, as it turns out, ain’t just for making babies. You can explain this to someone who’s of the mind that any sex that isn’t straight doesn’t make sense and, let’s say, nine out of ten times, their objections are moral ones and with that one time being someone who tried it and didn’t like it so now they’re against it and, nope, doing it didn’t make any sense… but it sounded like a good idea at the time.

If it makes sense to have allowed our morality to define and control our sexual habits and behaviors, does it not make sense that not everyone was going to go along with this? Apparently not. I recall a discussion about straight men and blow jobs and how odd this seems and I chimed in with, “Where do you think most bisexuals come from? They used to be straight and now they’re not so straight.” The truth and reality is that men have sex with other men and for whatever reason they do; it’s always been this way and it will continue to be this way because, again, at the root of it, it’s sex. Toss in the more deeper and meaningful feelings that we say must be involved for sex to take place and, well, I don’t know why it doesn’t make sense since, um, it’s the same thing straight folks do and strive for or, yes, even “turn their nose up” at depending on what having sex – or not having it – means to them.

For some, it does make sense… even if it’s something they wouldn’t do. I’ve found that these folks are easier to talk to about such things in comparison to the many people who’d rather believe what they’ve been told and not of a mind to accept the reality that sex has never been just between men and women and, oh, yeah, some of us are keen to have sex with both men and women but, ah, man, even some of us who do have some… issues with it and as evidenced by how convoluted things have gotten about bisexuality and with so many people inventing so much… stuff to, I dunno, I guess, justify the fact that not everyone is straight or gay… and to the point where the things they say doesn’t make sense to me… and I’m bisexual.

Why does it make sense? Because having sex and being intimate makes sense. It makes more sense if you can think more toward what and not who is doing whatever they’re doing. Straight folks have oral sex and fuck; so do bisexuals and homosexuals. Hmm… could there be some sensible symmetry at work here? Obviously, there is and it is bafflingly amazing that one can become aware of this symmetry… and it not make sense to them.

But we’ve been mindfucked into believing that it doesn’t make sense and that it should never make sense which I’d suppose doesn’t help some folks a whole lot in a world that’s faced with an aspect of human sexuality that, I dunno, they didn’t see coming? Didn’t take it serious? Easier to say and imply that anyone who goes both ways are really gay and, as such, it make no sense to be that way? Over the course of my life, I have been subjected to that, “Yeah, but…” thing that is often funny – and given my sense of humor – but also often disturbing at times because I can explain why I go both ways and that particular response says that they understand it… and not so much. What they believe just somehow trumps reality and if there’s something that doesn’t make sense, this would be it, I think.

I can understand and sympathize with those who tried it and didn’t like it and even if/when they gave it another try. It just isn’t for everyone, plain and simple. It’s difficult enough to get up the courage to break the social conditioning to just check it out, let alone see the sense in it since, once more, at the root of this, it’s sex and intimacy. You know, human stuff. I often think that this doesn’t make sense to a lot of people because they don’t want to make sense of it. Too much information. Not something that they’d do. And the continued belief that it shouldn’t be like this at all.

It’s so insidious that I can be sucking a guy’s dick and hear that “voice” in my head telling me that I know that I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing and in direct opposition to the certain fact that I am doing it. Duh. Silly me. Ah, but, am I having sex? Sure I am… and that makes sense; it would make more and better sense if I was having oral sex with a woman but, um, since I do that, too, it somehow just doesn’t make sense to some that I’d want to do both. They just overlook the fact that what’s really happening is… sex and because they’re too busy paying attention to who I might be having sex with.

We can get… passive-aggressive about it when those for whom this doesn’t make much sense to says, “I respect your right to be the way you are…” and that’s all well and good… but does it make sense to you and if it doesn’t – and I’ve asked this question a lot in my blogs – have you ever asked yourself why it doesn’t make sense and why it’s not something you’d do? It’s… amazing that there are folks who are into some shit that makes me being bisexual look pedestrian like – and without offense – all the folks who are very much into BDSM and how… “extreme” they can be and to the point where it freaks me out at times but, yeah, it makes sense because not only do we have sex, we don’t all do it the same way and not all sensual pleasures come from putting A into B, C, or D.

Makes sense to me because what I believe is that humans have and always will do whatever they gotta due in the pursuit of sexual pleasure and, oh, yeah, that includes having fun sleeping with both men and women and in the bisexual way of things. Which reminds me and as an aside: Why do we call it “sleeping” when there ain’t no sleeping going on? Yeah, I digress…

Because we’ve been mindfucked into believing some shit that isn’t the whole truth of things, it’s hard to see the sense in people being… sexual when they are in opposition – or downright defiance – of the way sex is supposed to be. Our morality in these things hasn’t been proof against human behaviors all that much… and we know it because we all too often talk about how it doesn’t make sense that we are the way we are about getting our cookies crumbled. Indeed, it might not be something that you’d do but, clearly and obviously, other people will because it makes sense to them and it should make sense to you as well… if you could only look at what and not pay a whole lot of attention to who.

The what that should make sense is… it’s sex. It’s intimacy. And if that “voice in your head” is saying your version of, “Yeah, but…” well, hmm. You see, a lot of folks have problems making sense of bisexuality because, simply, you’re not supposed to make sense of it. It’s actually too much shit to warrant trying to make sense of and more so in a world that still has a lot of issues about homosexuality… and because it doesn’t make sense to them and our morality has a lot to say against such behaviors. It’s the thing that makes me write at times, “Those of you who don’t suck dick/eat pussy might not understand what I’m talking about… but those of you who do, yeah, you know what I’m talking about.” Some of us knows what it’s like to do both; doesn’t matter, at a high level, why we’d enjoy doing both if you, again, look right at the root of what’s going on: Sex. Being intimate with someone. Actually something that’s in our nature and conducive to our physical and mental health and well-being.

It makes sense… if you’re not paying a whole lot of attention to who’s in bed with someone and getting their jollies; otherwise – and since being bisexual isn’t the way people are supposed to be – it doesn’t make sense and, yeah, there’s a reason why it’s said that bisexuals are greedy and conventional thinking says that it makes no sense for anyone to be so sexually greedy that they have to break some rules and dive into the taboo nature of sex. But, um, you’d think that given that there’s a lot of this going on, it would make sense that, hmm, there must be something to it but, nope. Doesn’t make sense because we’ve been told that it doesn’t and it doesn’t because it doesn’t comply with the standards of our morality but, oh, yeah, that’s right: Bisexuals are straight, too. All of this “doesn’t make sense” because when most people think bisexual, they think “gay” and, as such, that’s the only thing they’re paying attention to and, strangely, it “makes sense” that people are either straight or gay… and now you should really be wondering about our overall mental state because if that makes sense, um, should people being both make sense?

For many, it doesn’t. They cannot see that at the root of it, it’s not only sex but the same sex everyone else is having and regardless to sexuality. The only real difference is who we’ve having sex with and for bisexuals, eh, who doesn’t matter when it comes to men or women because because both are and can be fun to have sex with. How does that not make sense and more so if you know that humans are sexual animals?

It has always amazed and baffled me to hear people say, “That shit don’t make no damned sense at all!” and undertaking the task to find out why it doesn’t make sense to them. It’s sex. Not exactly in the prescribed way and because it’s definitely in the more… taboo areas like men doing men and women doing each other since, um, you know, it’s sex. Which, if you understood that, should make sense… but, strangely, it doesn’t.

Our morality doesn’t exactly have it wrong; it just isn’t allowing the whole truth to be accepted and the truth is that human sexuality is… faceted, for lack of a better word. Straight. Bi. Gay. Sometimes “other” and “none of the above.” Go figure. It’s still sex. It’s still being intimate whether emotionally, physically, or both and not different from what anyone else is doing unless, of course, they’re doing nothing at all about this but we’re not talking about them.

And having sex makes sense… doesn’t it?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: And the One You Don’t

There’s something… gritty about the devil you don’t know or don’t know a whole lot about. Gritty. Kinda scary in some way. Being hit on and being in the position to either accept the proposal or reject it. Your imagination starts going off the rails and conjuring up all kinds of shit – both good and bad. Or one of those situations where you make eye contact with someone and you just know that they’re either gonna head your way or, if they’re already right there, the conversation is about to take an interesting turn and one that you may or may not really be interested in.

Or, sometimes, you can’t shake the feeling that someone is staring at you and you almost automatically start looking and, oh, shit, there he is! Sometimes they look away quickly but in the brief moment your eyes made contact, you just know why he was staring at you and now – and depending on some stuff – you’re either hoping he stays where he is… or hoping that he comes on over to introduce himself. Of course, I’m all too aware of what goes on in my head in these moments and I could spend three or four days trying to write it down but I can boil it down to a couple of things: Don’t bother me or, hmm, let’s hear what he’s gonna say about what he most likely wants do.

Get me somewhere, get me naked, and have his way with me or he very much wants me to have my way with him. Okay, either way, I can do that – not like I’ve never done it before but the “problem” is that I don’t know anything about him; I can see him which means I can try to read his body language and especially if he’s trying to hide it… but it’s only going to tell me so much but if they’re not standing “right next” to me, it’s sometimes funny to watch them trying to stay put when they know that they want to come on over and introduce themselves or the exact moment when they’ve decided to make their move and now, again, I’m like, “Fuck… here he comes…” or, “Yay! He’s coming over! Let’s hear what he has to say!”

I’d learned to switch over to “learning mode” because, um, sometimes, the devil you don’t know can be a lot of fun to be with but it’s prudent to absorb all the information you can about them and with the understanding that, well, he’s a guy with sex on his mind and he may or may not be, ah, honestly forthcoming about who he is but you can be sure of what he wants to do – and now it’s a matter of the details. Guys use pickup lines on other guys and I’ve heard a lot of them; some of them are actually pretty good and some are just… corny but, uh-huh, sometimes it’s deliberate. I’ve had the devil I didn’t know roll up to me and get right to the point: “I want to have sex with you!” and, wow, that’s both rather bold and right to the point… and that’s not necessarily a bad thing given how some guys hem and haw and tap dance all around them wanting to do something that I know they want to and now I’m like, “Hurry up and get to the point already so I can say yes or no!”

In that situation, the first thing out of my mouth is, “Do you now? I’m flattered… but I don’t know you so who are you?” Or, if I don’t feel like being bothered, a polite, “Thanks but no, thanks…” is the response and sometimes that’s the response when I do feel like being bothered… but my instincts are 100% sure that this is a devil I don’t want to know anything about and sometimes I know this before he even sidles up to me so he can work his way up to the indecent proposal.

As I wrote yesterday, the devil I don’t know doesn’t scare me because I’ve learned to trust my instincts and, um, yeah, kinda/sorta the hard way; there’s nothing worse than meeting the devil I didn’t know, have sex with him, and my instincts are kicking my ass for ignoring them and usually because the guy didn’t make the sex as good as promised or he said or did something that completely turned me off or something else along those lines. Bad enough to have someone else tell you, “I told you so!” and that “someone else” is that little voice in your head.

Well, it sounded like a good idea at the time. You have enough of those moments and you learn some shit and beginning with you can be “prey” just like anyone else can be and now it’s all about finding out what kind of “hunter” he is. I don’t fear the devil I don’t know because I only have three sub-preferences: Be of legal age (and I will ask for proof if I think you aren’t), be healthy enough for sex – and I know what to look for – and don’t be my idea of an asshole… and that will be determined the moment the devil I don’t know starts talking.

Do you remember me telling you that one of the things bisexual men wind up learning is what we put women through when we’re trying to get into their panties? Contrary to “popular belief,” we really don’t just roll up on each other and get right into jumping each other’s bones; nope, you gotta be convincing and in a way that tells us that doing some bone jumping with you isn’t going to be a huge mistake for either of us. Okay… part of the very bad rep guys have is that we’ll say anything to get you out of your clothes… and we most certain do that with each other. And, just like women, if you get “bullshitted” enough, you get to know when what he’s saying is a load of shit or not and one red flag issue with the devil you don’t know is him not really wanting to be bothered to say much about himself or find out about you other than, of course, can we go somewhere and do this thing he’s proposing.

Believe it or not, the devil you don’t know is… a known entity. You know they’re out there and they can literally be anyone and, as such, you’re bound to attract someone’s attention and whether you want it or not – just the way such things go and now it’s all about how you’re going to deal with this particular devil. Having said that, I think the more… “scarier” devil is the one you thought you knew and finding out that you really didn’t. I think that a lot of us have a “plan” for the devils we don’t know but that plan doesn’t quite work when the devil we do know turns out to be the devil you didn’t think they were.

That… bothers me more than the devil I don’t know shit about, because, um, yeah, I know them… but I didn’t know this. Didn’t have a clue or there was no indication of being a devil I really didn’t know. It’s… bothersome because, like most people, it’s unsettling to find out that someone you thought you knew quite well is now someone that, well, you didn’t know this about them and especially when you’ve gotten so comfortable with them that you would never expect them to ask you to have sex with them since, you know, friends don’t screw each other. Now, when I say that it bothers me, it doesn’t really upset me or anything like that but, um, I kinda don’t like surprises and, again, like a lot of people, I don’t like having what I thought I knew turn into something I sure as shit didn’t know or even think about.

The devil you don’t know, well, if you run into them, you pretty much know what they have on their mind and now it’s a matter of whether or not you’re gonna feel like buying or renting what they’re gonna try to sell you. The devil you know and the one you didn’t know this about is more of a “problem” since, again, friends don’t screw each other but now the devil you thought you knew is putting it on the table and, worst, I think, the existing mood in that moment is, ah, highly suggesting that getting naked and getting busy is the thing that should happen… and while that sounds like a good idea, it also sounds like the worst idea you’ve ever had because the other thing you don’t know is what’s gonna happen if you do… and what’s gonna happen if you say no.

Kinda makes dealing with the devil you don’t know shit about “easier” to deal with. Telling them no is, at best, a missed opportunity but with the devil you thought you knew, there can be other things “at risk” and in the form of your continued friendship with them at the very least. Okay – I’ve talked about the bro-job quite a bit and, um, that can manifest itself if your “bro” happens to be female, too. I’ve looked at this as one of those damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of situations. You know them to some degree. You trust them and also to some degree. The person who, if they asked you to do them a favor, your first thought wouldn’t be that you’d not do the favor they’re about to ask you… then you hear what that favor is and, oh, shit. You know them… but you didn’t know this; you didn’t see it coming and for good reason because, at some point, you both agreed that you like each other… but you didn’t like each other that much and I think you know what I mean by that.

The devil you find out that you didn’t really know can be scarier than the one you don’t know shit about or even wanted to. Now there’s a lot at stake here and, again, your friendship with them. With a guy, even if you knew he was bi, the “friends don’t screw friends” rule is, by “default,” in effect and it’s just a given that he’s not gonna hit on you and, yeah, I’ve seen and heard of this happening with women. You want to say no to their proposition but you don’t know how that rejection is going to affect them and it might not be a good thing and could add a very sour note to the friendship. There is, of course, the thing that almost everyone says about this: You agree to their very surprising proposition, get it on with them, and now the relationship gets ruined and in that, “We shouldn’t have done this” kind of way but, of course, you can’t undo it.

Shit. Give me the devil I don’t know shit about any day; at least I know what’s going to happen or, most likely, what’s not going to happen. You’d think that I would have learned that the devil I thought I knew could turn into the devil I didn’t know this about and that it really doesn’t take a whole lot for that to happen because I’ve met that devil I thought I knew quite a few times and, most of the time, I got blindsided to find out that I didn’t know this about them and, of course, the “this” is them wanting to have sex with me. Yeah, it’s, um, kinda nice to let your imagination have fun wondering what it would be like to have sex with them but, nah, that’ll never happen; indeed, some really weird shit would have to line up just right and some much weird shit that it makes such a “fantasy” nothing more than that because you know they don’t like you that much or like that… then you find out that they do.

And then they hit you “low” and give you the, “If you’re really my friend, you’ll say yes… because I need you to say yes” thing. Or hit you even “lower” and say that, “I thought we were friends and that there isn’t too many things we wouldn’t do for each other” thing that I know makes me feel pretty shitty because now my honor is at risk. Shit. Where’s the devil I don’t know shit about hiding? Dealing with them is way easier than dealing with this devil I thought I knew and now I know that I didn’t.

I might be damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’ve seen myself doing some serious backpedaling in this situation from my “usual” thought of being willing and able to have sex with anyone who wants to… but this is different. This is the devil I know and the devil who, up to this moment, was smack dab in the middle of the friend zone and that rule is applicable even though I know that it’s… a bit of bullshit because friends do screw each other and more so when I’ve screwed quite a few of my friend because I wanted to or, yeah, I didn’t have a clue that they’d want to have sex with me – ever. For no reason whatsoever and I “knew for a fact” that they wouldn’t even in that “to save their life” thing… and realizing that in some way, the devil you thought you knew is now the devil you didn’t know this about because you just might be “saving their life” and in the sense that if you can’t ask a friend to take you to bed, who can you ask? The devil you don’t know shit about and probably don’t want to know anything about?

I don’t know about y’all… but I’m more “afraid” of the devil I think I know because there’s always that chance that there’s going to be, ah, that something I didn’t know about them. That “If we weren’t friends I’d have sex with you!” thing that has that… unspoken question of “What does our being friends have to do with this? If you want to, why not? Better the devil you know than the one you don’t, right?”

Yeah, not always. You know what the devil you don’t know is about… but you didn’t know this about the devil you thought you knew. I’ve heard guys ask, “What would you do it so-and-so – and usually another guy who’s a friend – hit on you for sex?” I’ve heard guys state emphatically that such a thing would never come up with that guy and even if it did, it ain’t gonna happen. I’d learned that my answer to that question is, “Well, that depends on why they’d ask and if we’re that close as friends…” which is, on the surface, a good and sensible answer since if you’re close friends with someone, is there really a whole lot of things you wouldn’t do for them if they asked you to? Sure there is! But this? To have that close friend and the one you thought you knew ask you to give him some dick… and you didn’t even know that he was like that and even if you did, you knew – because of the rule – that you’d be the last person on the planet that he’d hit on because of the great risk of totally destroying the friendship?

Way scarier than the devil you don’t know jack shit about other than what their intentions are. You can tell that devil no and risk nothing other than them being pissed at being rejected. But with the devil you thought you knew and found out that you really didn’t? Shit. Shit, shit, shit. All that stuff about consenting adults and all that gets a bit shattered and, of course, your honor as their friend is being called into question. Shit. Because you don’t know – and didn’t know – what’s been going on inside their head or there’s something going on in their life that they’ve now suggested “the impossible” because you are their friend and “duty and honor bound” to help them in their times of need and if you’re able to.

Having sex, well, you know how to do that but this is the devil you know and you just found out something that you didn’t know about them and now things have gotten… complicated. Potentially messy and not necessarily in a good way. Or maybe it would be – that depends on what they’re going to say toward why they’re asking you to break that rule and it had better be a “life or death” kind of thing… then the more, um, complicated thing when they say, “We’re friends so why not?” Um, did you not get the email about friends not screwing each other? I know you did because I got the same email and, for the moment, let’s just forget about the fact that I’ve broken this rule… a lot… because my friend needed me to and, yeah – what are friends for? If you can’t do it with a friend and someone you both know and trust, who can you do it with and more so when the devil you don’t know jack shit about could be out there looking to “prey” upon you and especially them not giving a shit about you other than just another conquest?

Makes the devil I don’t know shit about look rather attractive in that I know what they want and while that can come with some risks, it’s not as bad as dealing with the consequences of your actions or inactions with the devil you thought you knew… but you didn’t know this about them. Or maybe you did and never expected them to take the friendship to a whole different level. You can ruin the friendship by saying no or you could deepen the bond between you if you say yes and, yeah, if this is a same-sex situation, shit. You just missed it. You know what they’ve said about such things and not in a favorable kind of way and you’ve heard this enough times that you’re not worried about them wanting to get with you and on top of friends don’t have sex with each other.

Then the devil you know turns into the devil you didn’t know this about… and that’s scarier than the devil you don’t know jack shit about. I’ve broken that rule. With mixed results and, knock on wood, not always in that ruined friendship kind of way but, yeah, it’s taken a bit of a hit because they, more than myself, have had regrets about it in some way; for some, it doesn’t feel good to break that particular friend rule even when (1) it sounded like a good idea at the time and (2) the thing that says that if you can’t do this with a friend and someone you know and trust, who can you do it with and without having to worry about some kind of “harm” happening?

It is… awkward. Kinda exciting and kinda scary. Feeling… honored that they hit you with this thing you didn’t know about them and bothered by it because you could be damned if you do and damned if you don’t… and an innate understanding that they’re thinking the same thing. They have… a need and in their mind, it really is better the devil you know than the one you don’t although the one you don’t might be a better option because you don’t really stand to lose anything or gain anything other than having an itch scratched.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I’ve heard myself say, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship…” and knowing that it might… or it might not. We could be closer friends or the level of regret and “guilt” could be such that we’re now lesser friends or, yeah, any feelings we had for each other has crossed over into that “way more than just friends” area that may or may not be a good… or a bad thing. Shit. Give me the devil I don’t know a damned thing about because they’re less scary than the devil I thought I knew… and found out I really didn’t.

Okay, if you really want to do this, there’s some shit that goes with it and beginning with it’s really not a mistake or a bad thing if we do this. We’re all adults here. Capable of not only making such decisions and understanding – and being able and prepared – the consequences of our actions or the lack thereof. If we do this, I won’t think any less of you and I’m not going to regret it as long as you don’t; if you think you might regret it, nothing’s gonna happen and “we didn’t have this conversation.” I don’t know what’s going to happen but this is going to severely test our friendship and in ways that could be good… or not so much. I’m your friend. I’ve told you that there’s nothing you can’t ask me and not too many things that I won’t do; if I can do it, I’ll do it… and this is included and whatever happens if we do this, happens and I’m prepared to deal with the consequences of my saying yes or no… and you’d better be, too.

Shit. The devil you don’t know is easier to deal with. Less scary in a lot of ways. You don’t know if you can trust this devil and you probably shouldn’t until, by chance and if possible at all, they become the devil you do know something about and can only trust them so much since you already know what their intentions are. And when you’re bisexual, these devils can literally be anyone. It can put the saying into question whether it is better the devil you know than the one you don’t since the devil you know could be the devil you didn’t know this about and that kinda puts them into the devil you don’t area.

And you really don’t know what to do because that rule is what it is and many take it as the gospel truth or, um, shit, they did until this moment because, sure – what are friends for and if you can’t trust a friend, who can you trust since the devil you don’t know is said to be a very bad choice and extremely risky.

What would you do?