Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “He Nutted in Me!”

It’s a sensation that women are familiar with when they get bonked, humped, screwed, porked, poked, and way too many more creative descriptors.  There probably aren’t too many men who hasn’t, at some point in their lives, asked a woman what that feels like and, perhaps, expecting to hear an erotic description… only to remain kinda baffled when she blinks, thinks, and replies, “It feels good…”

There are gay men who knows what this feels like, just as there are bi men who knows what this feels like and, admittedly, uh, ya gotta go through some… stuff… in order to find out what it feels like to be screwed and inseminated.  Also admittedly, doing all the things in order to experience this sensation is enough to send the toughest man running for the hills and for some the mere thought of having a hard dick literally reaming them out can invoke such feelings of dread; I’ve heard men relate that they’d rather take a high load in the mouth or get it blasted in their face – and some of those men don’t suck dick.

I know what it feels like (duh, right?) and as extensive as my vocabulary is, I can’t really explain it although some of the other feelings associated with this are delight, relief, disgust, remorse, and indifference – explaining that last descriptor isn’t easy either.  Some guys experience getting boned and realize that even though they may have had a good idea of what it would be like, ah, man, the actual experience might it match the rose-colored idea in their head.

I know some guys watch porn depicting anal sex; some guys might have the thought that, hmm, theynwish someone would let them do that – and some guys just might ask themselves, “I wonder what that feels like?” as they watch the usual big dick worming it way in and out of someone’s butt and if they’re watching the right porn flick, get to watch the receiver getting inseminated.

Except, those folks in the flick are professionals and, of course, you don’t see what goes on behind the scenes (no pun… okay,  it’s a pun) to get everyone prepared for it so that when the scene is being shot, wow, it looks so easy, doesn’t it?  Those of you with anal experience know that it’s not that easy and I’ve seen guys watching porn containing anal sex and have heard them say (or mutter), “That looks painful…”

All that trivia aside, this scribbling isn’t about the inherent discomfort of getting boned in the butt; it’s really about the nearly obscene pleasure of having another guy fucking you… and the equally obscene – but oddly pleasant – sensation of feeling him busting a nut in you and even if he’s wearing a condom.  Like, man, those pulses… whew…

Remember that damned feeling I wrote about the other day?  In my opinion – and, once more, without any offense to women – the only thing that’ll make you have that feeling other than being fucked is feeling that guy emptying his balls in your asshole.  It’s primal in ways I can’t really explain, something that feels right but terribly wrong because, of course, the rules say that men aren’t supposed to be busting a nut in another man’s ass.  It’s pleasing in ways that isn’t easy to explain other than to say that it feels good or it feels weird… but still nice and, oddly, it’s the “reward” at the end that makes what you had to endure to get there worth it.

Or not; that would depend on how much you like getting screwed in the butt and the person screwing you; that he’s unloading inside you can often be seen as a blessing in disguise and you’re damned happy he’s creamed you so he can get out of you and the sooner, the better.  As I’ve said so many times and in so many writings, as men, we can really get to experience and understand what women go through, up close and very damned personal.

So, one day, I was talking a a guy I was kinda mentoring quite a few years ago and he’d worked his way from jerking another guy off to sucking another guy off and where he liked those things, he seemed very eager to takemthst next step and get screwed.  We spent a lot of hours talking about that and, honestly, I was really trying to talk him out of it; some guys think this is a great idea until the first time they feel a cock knob spreading their hole open.  We talked preparation, talked about training his body to get used to something “big” going in, as well as learning how to make his body relax.

He was determined to experience getting humped but he’d also said, “I wanna get screwed… but I don’t want him to nut in me.”  We’d talked at great length about that, beginning with me saying to him, “Um, if you let a guy screw you, uh, what do you think is gonna happen at some point?”

“I know but the guy who screws me will have to pull it out before he cums!” he said emphatically.

“is there a reason why?” I asked, thinking that before he answered, I knew why.

“I ain’t no girl, ya know?” he answered indignantly.

Yeah, that’s what I thought he’d say and I did tell him that while some guys would honor your request and withdraw, oh, boy, there are some guys who just might agree to your terms… and bust a nut in you anyway.  

Ladies – y’all know about this one, right?

I recall being a bit baffled about his indignant response because, um, dude, like it or not, if some cat is screwing you, you are being screwed like a girl but I could understand what he was saying; some guys love to suck dick but don’t want a guy busting a nut in his mouth, not because of the way sperm tastes… but because of that damned feeling.

I guess it was maybe a month or so later when my “student” called me and told me that he’d finally been screwed and he wanted to talk about his experience.  I was actually rather proud of him when he said that he handled the discomfort well and being fucked felt…good.  I had laughed because he could no more put it into words than I could.

While he talked, I got the sense there was a “but” coming (okay, no puns this time) and after listening to him stumbling through trying to explain how it felt to him, he said, “But he nutted in me after I told him not to!”

And, yes, friends, I started laughing – I just couldn’t help it anymore than I could not say, “I told you, didn’t I?” I got a grip on myself and asked him how he felt about that.  Before he answered, he suggested that my parents weren’t married when I was born… then said that, at first, he was livid and fighting mad and said that when he felt it being shot into him, “Man, I felt like a little bitch!”

“Why do you think you were feeling like that?” I’d asked.

“Um, ah, shit, might have been because I was moaning… a lot,” he eventually said after almost two minutes of silence that had made me think we’d got cut off.

“I see… so it was bad because he ignored your request not to nut in you but perhaps not as bad as you thought?” I asked.

“Something like that,” he said, his tone of voice telling me he was quite embarrassed by his reaction to being inseminated.

“Okay, so now you’ve had the experience and you know what it all feels like; will you do it again?” I asked and because some guys do experience the full effect of being fucked and never want to experience it again; the emotions after the fact can be very difficult to work through.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly.  “He nutted in me, man, and I don’t know how I feel about that…”

I don’t know if he ever did it again as day to day things made us pass like two ships in the darkest of nights but I could understand how getting nutted in had made him feel.  Like I said way back in the beginning of this, it can make you feel good, make you feel totally disgusted, make you feel blissfully – or gratefully – relived, and oddly indifferent, like you really didn’t care whether he busted in you or not.  That one, I’d have to say, doesn’t happen often but it happens and even I have no idea why except maybe in those situations where getting porked sounded like a good idea at the time but by the time the other guy busts, eh, not that great of an idea when it’s all said and done.

Really, really hard to explain that one…

Some men feel that they can fuck a guy or be fucked and as long as that nut doesn’t get busted on the inside, it’s somehow not “gay,” a sentiment that tends to make me roll my eyes a lot because, duh, just because someone didn’t inject – or get injected – does not remove the homosexual aspect of what just happened.  Sorry, fellas – it just doesn’t; whether he nutted in you or not, ya got boned just the same and now it’s simply a matter if you liked it or not.  Some guys say that if some swinging dick is gonna be inside them like that, the owner had better bust that nut in there or there’s gonna be an issue; some guys feel that it’s safer if that doesn’t happen (nah, technically, not really, but I’m not gonna get into that).

It’s an interesting experience and if nothing else, you get to experience something that, supposedly, only women should experience.  And if you’ve ever really and seriously been curious about what it feels like, well, there’s only one real way to find out, huh?  Sure, you can ask someone but as mentioned, ya might not get an answer that makes a lot of sense because having someone busting a nut in you evokes a lot of intangible things that there are just no words for.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Decisions, Decisions…

I had reason to think about guys who have taken that initial plunge and are now into the sex that’s possible with another man and the decisions that, invariably, will have to be made with regard to how they’re gonna be bisexual and discover those things that they like, don’t like, and are deemed situationally okay.  There probably isn’t a man (and regardless to sexuality) who doesn’t know about gay sex – they’ve heard the rumors and horror stories, could have seen a gay porno, or even use their imagination about this… but we’re once again going to tread heavily into the area of what you think it’s like is one thing… but what it’s really like something else; likewise, it’s one thing to have an idea of what you could do with another guy but actually doing it might not turn out the way you imagined it.

I’ve had guys ask me, prior to walking the plank, “What am I supposed to do?” and I’ve answered their question with a question:  “What do you want to do?”  You can, in fact, do everything sexually with a man that can be done with a woman with the exception of home boy having one less available orifice so it’s a wide-open playing field and now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find out what you can do, like to do, would prefer not to do, yada, yada.  Yes, you can go on an Internet search and gets a boatload of ideas of what other people think is good, bad, and avoided at all costs and form your own initial opinions… but the key phrase that should be noted is “what other people think;” we do have this habit of letting the opinions of others influence our sexual behavior like, classically, anal sex always hurts and should be avoided like the plague, for instance.  In this, we have this other habit of assuming that if we did something and it was bad for us or otherwise unlikable, it is always going to be like that; we kinda don’t take into consideration that when the shit went south, it could have been the person you were with, the situation, location, your frame of mind at that moment, the time of day, weather conditions…. well, you get the idea.  So the next person that comes along and wants to do some stuff to you is probably gonna get disappointed because you now have it in your head that it’s never gonna work.  Anyway…

What’s the best way to find out this critical and crucial information?  Um, give it a try… and then try it more than once or twice to be as sure as you can about it.  Yes, it’s good to have as much information about this kind of sex that you can absorb and before you get naked… but experience is still the best teacher and, really, you never know what you can do until you try.  Don’t assume that you’re gonna like or dislike something; this kind of thinking tends to set up some biases within you that are damned difficult to get rid of – you might be thinking that, say, swallowing sperm is a bad thing… but you really and truly won’t ever know until you give it a try… or two… or three if that what it takes.

A guy asked once, “How do I know if I’m a top or a bottom or it doesn’t make a difference?”  Um, give these roles a try and even if you have a “good idea” what role you already “fit” into.  Why should you do this?  So you’ll know what it’s like.  I don’t know about other bi guys but up until anal sex stopped being a joy for me, I was versatile; I know what it’s like to be dick-deep in a guy’s ass as well as what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a cock… and because I know this, it has an impact on how I’d fuck a guy and, yes, even when it comes to women, too.  See, when you crossover to the bi sex, in a way, you’re relearning everything you ever learned about sex and, if your head is in the right place, you’re able to see the bigger picture of sex and how it’s related – it’s some deep-thinking stuff, if you’re so inclined to engage in such thinking – but it’s useful information.

You do have to learn how to have sex with a man, as funny as that sounds; likewise, you should have a good working understanding off all this implies but it’s not enough to read some shit on how to suck cock and deal with sperm – it should be experienced so you will know, beyond any doubt whatsoever, what the real deal is compared to what amounts to be just theory for you.  So now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to get this experience… and not be afraid.  Yeah, if you’ve never even had a finger poked in your ass, the thought of some guy with a seven-inch erection pushing his dick into your ass is some very scary shit and you have a choice:  Take the horror stories you’ve heard or imagined as fact… or find out for yourself and, yes:  At every turn, take all necessary precautions to ensure your health and safety.

Here’s something else for those who about to take the plunge to think about and like you didn’t have enough to think about already:  When you agree to have sex with a man – and you don’t lay down the rules of engagement (or he doesn’t) – the other guy is going to make some assumptions that, um, might not go very well.  Just because you have it in your mind that you don’t want to be fucked or have him busting a nut in your mouth is all well and good… but if you don’t tell him that, uh, guess what might happen?  And, yes, despite what you might think, you could wind up in a situation where the sexual atmosphere is so heavily charged that one or both of you might not mention the rules of engagement before the fact – and now you’re trying to invoke some rules on the fly… and that might not lend itself to a good and satisfying sexual experience.  And, yeah – even if the ROE has been established, don’t ever assume that the rules are always gonna be abided by… because shit can and does change when you’re all up into the heat of the moment; not only can the other guy change his mind, um, you could also change yours, too.  Yeah, I hear y’all out there saying, “Shit, that shit ain’t ever gonna happen!” or otherwise feel that you’re in complete control of things and all you’re really doing is inviting Mr. Murphy to the party because if it can go wrong, it will go wrong… and just because it’s sex and sex does have the power to make anyone “go off-script” at any time and without prior notification.

Taking your first long walk off a short plank is the beginning of a learning experience that, in this bisexual writer’s opinion, is damned important for the development of your preferences when you get naked with another man.  Try it all until you are 100% sure that you can’t do a thing, don’t like some other thing, shit like that – and keeping in mind that just because you didn’t like (add some shit here) with this guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna like it with another guy.  The other thing is that if you’re keen to get balls-deep in another guy’s throat and make a deposit and you don’t know what that can be like, well, you might get miffed at the other dude when he stops you from doing that to him… and I think that a lot of guys who get into this aspect of sex are very guilty of doing shit to another guy that they wouldn’t do themselves and because they don’t have any experience of what it’s like to get gagged by a big dick or how it feels to have someone getting a running start and slamming a hard dick into your ass with great speed and force.  To me, if you know what that’s like, you might be more… considerate when you’re subjecting another man to your lust.

And then keep in mind that what some women say about some men being assholes when they’re having sex, this isn’t bullshit:  This is a fact and, well, you’re gonna find this out for yourself, trust me; damn, there is just so much shit to be learned, so many decisions to be made if you want to have the best possible outcome (no pun) when you lie down with another man.  Again, and just in my opinion, it’s not enough to know things in a theoretical way – you should know what it’s like because you’ve actually done it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Determination

During the time we spent sucking each other, I was impressed at how he was so determined to not only be sucked by a guy for the first time but to also try his hand at sucking dick.  Hell, I admired the courage he showed by wanting to get naked with me to begin with; after hearing his reasons why he wanted to do this, I told hi that he didn’t have to… but he said that he did have to do this to be able to answer questions about himself that only direct action could provide.

It took him a little time to get used to sucking a dick and that kind of “fumbling” was almost enough to get me to lose my load quickly – but I managed to hold in to it as I worked to get him to lose his.  He did lose it – later, he’d tell me that he was embarrassed to have cum so fast but I told him that I’ve never held that against a man so it was no big deal.  I continued to be impressed; some guys bust a nut and their desire to continue goes away afterward… but not him; if anything, his release gave him greater incentive to make me cum.

It worked, too; I gave him the warning that I was about to cum so he could stop – tasting sperm for the first time isn’t always pleasant – but all he did was moan an acknowledgment of my announcement and sucked me as hard and as fast as he could manage.  I exploded – it was such a delicious feeling – and even being caught in the throes of my release, my appreciation of him skyrocketed as he sucked down everything I was putting into his mouth.

We were both spent… but we weren’t done with each other yet because there was one more thing he was determined to do:  He wanted to be fucked.  I had tried to dissuade him, not because I didn’t want to fuck him but because I knew that just like swallowing sperm, having your ass invaded by a hard dick wasn’t all that pleasant and even for experienced guys.  During our break in the action, I asked him if he still want to be fucked  and I could see that he was still excited and determine to experience it even before he said, “Damned right I do!”

He got me ready to be lubed up by going down on me again until I was good and hard; then he grabbed the bottle of lube and literally drowned my dick in the slippery stuff before doing the same to his back door, slipping one then two fingers into himself to make sure I’d be able to get into him as easily as possible.  He straddled me, looking directly into my eyes as he used a hand to position me at his hole and I said again that it would be okay if he didn’t want to do this… but all he did was smile, took a moment to focus… and sat right down on me.

We both cried out as my dick went into him like the proverbial hot knife through butter; I was concerned because he wasn’t looking well – having a hard cock plunging into your ass that quickly can make you want to throw up.  I asked him if he was okay and if he needed time to adjust or if he wanted to just stop… and he just shook his head, got a more determined look on his face, and began to ride me and, honestly, it was all I could do not to cum quickly and despite being on my second wind because it felt good to be inside him and because he was learning to ride dick on the fly, well, he wasn’t going to earn any style points not that it mattered because this wasn’t about me.

This was all about him and his determination to experience something he had only dreamed about.  I can’t honestly tell you how long he rode me before I came inside him; what I can tell you is that I watched him the whole time and saw that whatever questions he had asked himself about this were being answered.  He said, “I need you to cum in me now…” and in a tone of voice that might have used to tell me that the sun was shining.  He slammed his ass down I my dick harder and I lost it and the feelings were so intense that I was barely aware of feeling my dick pulsing through my release.

He leaned forward and put his head on my heaving chest and said, “Thank you… you have no idea how much is means to me…”  And maybe I didn’t… but I knew how determined he was to do it all and I knew just how much I appreciated his courage and respected him.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Anal Sex

Okay, this is a good one!  We begin with the perception/stereotype that all men who have sex with men engage in anal sex and then apply the truth that, nope, this ain’t everyone’s cup of tea.  I’m not going to get all into the safety aspects because they are what they are and given the risks today, doing this safely makes a lot of sense.  Here’s what’s going on in my head about this…

 Most people see this as a very nasty thing to do considering what comes out of that hole… which doesn’t mean there aren’t folks who find anal sex pleasurable from either side of the equation.  As it applies to bi guys, the usual applies – some are into it, some aren’t and then there are those guys who have never done it either way but wonder what it’s like.

I know from my own experiences that it’s… interesting and a lot of that depends on the guy trying to shove his  dick in your ass.  Again, there are tips, tricks, procedures and techniques for doing this… but this ain’t a “how-to” kind of writing and the Internet could tell you more about this than I could (not that I don’t know them).  I can go back to the first time I got fucked although, I’d say ‘technically’ the man never fully got into my ass but had enough of his knob in me that would make me say, yeah, he had it in me… a little.  We all think about the pain and discomfort associated with this and anyone who has, at the least, stuck a finger in their butt can tell you how… interesting that feels.  And if you think just having a finger in there, imagine what having a cock going in there feels like.

If you get fucked, you will find out what women know about what it feels like and, for newbies or any other bi guy thinking about trying it for the first time, please don’t use gay porn as a “real” example because (1) there are a lot of preparations that take place that aren’t seen on camera and (2) the guys being fucked are quite used to it and while it looks easy to get in there on the screen, well, try it yourself.  All this aside, it can be pleasurable – I used to love being fucked and there’s just something about feeling a cock moving in and out of your ass that feels so good you can’t even really describe it other than to say, “It feels good!”

Do guys who want to have sex with other guys expect to fuck them in the ass?  Off-hand, I’d say yes because there’s something about being able to  fuck someone there; it can be as simple as “that’s the only hole other than a mouth that can be fucked” to more insidious motives like emasculating the guy being fucked and making him your bitch.  Guys who fuck other guys have told me that they get off ‘dominating’ the other guy, that it gives their sense of masculinity a huge boost to fuck another man’s ass and some guys can be pretty “nasty” about it.  We can get into the whole top and bottom thing and in this kind of sex between men, this is rather important and sets the “marching order” for this – tops do the fucking, bottoms get fucked.  Versatile guys are an exception because it doesn’t matter to them if they’re pitching or catching as long as it happens.

But, just like swallowing sperm, it’s a choice to be made and it’s not one to be  taken lightly.  Someone once asked me what it felt like to be fucked and I likened it to getting a tattoo – no matter what someone might tell you, it’s gonna hurt.  Personally, I was fucked a lot growing up and I know that it’s said that you get used to the initial discomfort… and I never really did because even with lube and being relaxed and all that, nah, I wouldn’t say that it feels good going in but once it’s in and you get adjusted, well, that’s different… and now it depends on the guy in your butt and his mindset as well as the size and shape of his cock.

Anal sex is terrifying to most and is one of those sexual things that you don’t have to do to know how “bad” it can be; a lot of people won’t even try it because they’ve heard through the grapevine how much it hurts and that’s outside of their thoughts about such things being filthy and nasty.  Admittedly, that’s part of the allure of it, you know, doing the one sexual thing that is such a forbidden and taboo thing to do.  And, yes, a lot of guys turn to other men for anal sex because not all women are fond of it; they’ve either heard the horror stories or have had bad experiences in this and, well, you know how people are:  Once they have one bad experience, they just assume every experience is always going to be bad and once a woman gets that into her head, you can pretty much forget about getting your dick in her ass.  But, yup, there are guys who don’t mind one bit and some live to feel a hard one in their ass so, yeah, if girlfriend ain’t gonna allow it…

For me, back in the day, anal sex was pretty much a given.  Not exactly an expectation but, as I’ve said quite a few times, just a matter of course:  If you fucked a guy in the butt, letting him fuck you was just the right thing to do.  So if you didn’t like to be fucked in the butt, don’t even think about sticking your dick in there because if it’s not going to be “tit for tat” well, that’s just lame and makes you quite chickenshit.  As I got older, that sense of “fairness” started going out of the closest window; there were guys who wanted me to fuck them but weren’t interested in fucking me (and no matter how much I wanted them to); likewise, there were guys who wanted to fuck me but wasn’t trying to hear being fucked in return and since I never saw this as being “fair” I’d avoid those guys like the plague and, really, a lot of those guys were assholes about it, if you’ll forgive the pun.  Yep, I learned that fairness in this doesn’t mean a damned thing and that there are clear lines being drawn in the sexual sand and now instead of it being a mutually satisfying thing for both guys to do, eh, it can be anything but that (see what I did there?).

I’m not saying that bi guys should get into anal sex just because it can be done but I will say that until you try it, you’re not really gonna know if you’re gonna like it or not.  I will say that I know there are guys who like using toys in their butt – and that’s fine and can go a long way in “training” your butt to take the real thing… but a toy isn’t the real thing that’s attached to a horny dude looking to bust that nut.  If you’re thinking about giving a guy the business, well, it can get interesting because there are some guys who can be as hard as steel before the fact… but when they go to stick it in – oops! – who let the air out?  It’s embarrassing not to be able to maintain an erection in that moment and I’ve never figured out why this happens; I’ve thought that something rumbling around in the back of the mind says, “Hey!  You ain’t supposed to put that there!” and now you’ve got a limp noodle and a guy wondering why there’s no cock in his ass.

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*Sigh* – another blog that has gone into the next day.  So, picking up where I left off, while there are guys who (a) want to fuck another guy’s ass and (b) want to be fucked in the ass, it’s not always as easy as it appears to be.  I’ve talked to guys who have told me that they’ve been fucked when they didn’t want to be and I’ve asked them, “Well, why did you allow it?” – and the answers have been interesting, from “I don’t know” to “He had it in me before I could say no!” to “I didn’t want to start a fight so it was easier to just let him do it.”  It’s understandable, if not proper “etiquette” in that sense because there are just some guys who won’t  take no for an answer when it comes to this – some guys just automatically assume that if you agree to have sex with them, they get to fuck you… but this is why you take the time to make sure that everything is understood before the fact.  You can say no to anal sex… but you have the right to change your mind if you want to and, yeah, you can even change your mind in the middle of it if need be.  See, if you get into this, you really get to understand why women are they way they are about sex at times…

I say again that if you’re a newbie and haven’t taken the plunge yet, you really want to do all the research into safe anal sex before doing it; don’t assume that it always has to be done and don’t assume that it’s always going to go swimmingly and, hell, no, don’t use gay porn as a primer for doing this!

 

“Yo, Man, Can I Hit That?”

How many times in my life have I been asked this question?  Uh, if you were looking for an exact number, nah, I ain’t trying to compile one but let it suffice to say that I’ve been asked this question a lot.  I thought about this and thought about my evolution, from my first taste and feel of dick right up to and including the moment when I felt that being fucked wasn’t as much fun as it used to be – we’re not gonna talk about the exceptions at this time (see my blog, “The Shower”).

The first time I felt sperm being pumped into my ass, I thought it was just plain wicked fun, evoking a flood of feelings that defied description, you know what I mean, that jumble of thoughts and feelings that, at the end, can only be summed up one way:  It feels good.  Going forward from that landmark day, it just seemed… natural to not only suck dick but to take in the ass as well – I later learned that the two things don’t always have to be done together but, of course, before I learned this lesson, it just made sense and, again, it was such wicked fun.  A given was established:  If you fucked a guy in the butt, it was just downright courteous to let him fuck you and one learned quickly that if you didn’t like being fucked, don’t even think about asking a guy if you could fuck him, the only exception in our little group being the one kid who was more interested in being the “girl” in our, ah, sessions.

Even if the fucking was done in the intercrural way, it’s not all that easy to describe how good it felt to feel a guy on top of you and humping away until he spilled his load and I got to a point where it didn’t matter if the guy dumped his cum inside me or between my butt cheeks; it didn’t matter if he took his time creaming me or if he unloaded soon after getting started.  Later in my evolution, this didn’t change a whole lot and I’m not really sure why it didn’t and more so when dealing with older guys, there was so much angst against cumming too soon; I guess it was assumed that if women didn’t like this happening, then guys who liked to be fucked would be the same way and while I knew that there were guys who’d get bent out of shape if the guy fucking him busted that nut too soon, nah, it didn’t matter much to me as long as I could feel him busting said nut and, besides, if he got off “too fast,” he could always get hard again and do it again… sometimes.

As I grew into my teenaged years, there didn’t seem to be a lack of guys asking me this question and, at first, it was quite flattering to be hit on but later, eh, not so much as I ran into guys who were so… equal about things.  About that time, I really began to understand why girls acted the way they did when it came to sex, how some were so very eager to give it up and how most guarded their shit like the gold in Fort Knox.  I also began to understand that when some guys couldn’t get pussy, finding a guy to fuck just kinda made sense… but it also made sense to now become quite picky about who you were going to let into your ass; it was one thing to be able to enjoy being fucked and something else to be used as a means to an end – those of you who have experienced this know exactly what I’m talking about.  One of the downsides to being asked this question was knowing that the guy asking automatically assumed that I was gay or, even worse, having it in his head that just because I was playing the feminine role in being fucked, treating me as if I were feminine made sense to them until, of course, I made it quite clear – and often, painfully so – that while I didn’t mind sucking their dick and taking it in my ass, I’m not a girl, I’m not gay, and I am most certainly not your bitch.

Hearing the question would invoke a thought process that would have me wondering, in the mere seconds it would take for me to formulate an answer to the question, whether letting this guy screw me was going to be a good thing or if we were going to wind up fighting.  Those teenaged years found me developing that instinct that would become valuable in weeding out the dudes who I could just tell wasn’t going to appreciate my participation in the acts; again, I learned pretty quick why women behave the way they do and it bothered me for a while that there were guys hitting on me that didn’t give a single thought about the fact that they’re asking to fuck someone who had now developed a point of view shared with girls:  If you’re not gonna appreciate me (or respect me), go fuck yourself.  I wound up getting a very valuable education and a much better understanding of being a guy and how sex alone could drive us to do… shit, sometimes out of desperation, sometimes passively, aggressively, or even ruthlessly.

While I always thought feeling a guy’s dick pumping sperm into my ass really felt good, yeah, you learn via trial and error that there are some men that you should just suck off and send them on their way, not because they lacked skill but the simple fact that they lacked compassion and even common courtesy once their cock got hard and was worming its way into my ass.  I found it odd to be in such situations and sometimes hating the fact that I was in the situation – but also being able to pick out the more enjoyable moments and, yes, I found that in those situation, I just loved it when a guy came too fast just as I had learned how to do certain things when he was in me to make him cum before he wanted to.  I’d be asked the question, roll the dice and take a chance with him and, most of the time, I had a grand time but, yeah, there were those times when I’d find myself lying under some crass and uncouth dude and silently willing him to hurry and cum so this can be over and I can reflect on where I screwed up thinking that he was going to treat me with some respect.

Such things would cause me to answer the question in the negative and to even categorically deny that I was into such things.  It wasn’t that I disliked being fucked or sucking dick; I was learning to dislike the person asking the question and I was fortunate in that in a great majority of these times, I guessed right and, again, had a great time.  I really and seriously got to understand my fellow man, from their sexual aggression to the way they’d stress themselves out over the size of their dick or their ability to perform and other things like that, things that taught me that if women were funny about this, men were even funnier about it.  The evolution went from giving up the booty to pretty much anyone who asked for it to being very cautious and, yeah, even paranoid about it.  My biggest concerns weren’t about catching anything like the clap; no, my biggest concern was dealing with the guy himself and it just made sense for me to find out just what kind of guy he was before I let him get anywhere near me.  I used to find it quite bothersome – and I guess I still do – to have a guy insisting and damn near begging me to let him fuck me and when everything I could sense about him was screaming at me to not let him do it and, sometimes, not even give him a blowjob and, sadly, there were a few times when he’d be so pissed at my ‘rejection’ of his offer that violence ensued and, damned right, making me so very glad that I learned judo and karate.

The thrill of being fucked was being erased little by little; it became more prudent to suck a guy off – and more so if he didn’t want to cum – because of that thing all men have to deal with in some way:  Refraction, that period of time that no matter what’s going on, it’s going to take X-amount of time for us to have an erection again and of course I had learned early on that if you make a guy cum in your mouth, he’s not going to have anything left to stick in your ass and that was a damned good thing when I knew, beyond any doubt, that I did not want this guy fucking me.  Still, there were those many times when I’d be asked the question and I’d say yes and I’d be reminded of the thrill of it all and the intimacy of having a man inside me or being inside him; some guys were just plain, good old fun to have sex with.  Sure, some of them would have the same angst other guys would, mostly about the size of their dick… but I had already learned that size didn’t matter and it wasn’t about lasting long or any of the other shit guys would be bugging about – it was about the intimacy of it all, being able to suck and be suck, to fuck and be fucked and, yes, the appreciation and respect after the fact.

Which once more brings me to the end of my anal journey.  I’ve yet to figure out how that guy with the biggest dick I’ve ever seen in person could fuck me so well and it wasn’t fun for me.  I was used to it being good or “bad” but this was both good and bad at the same time, something I had no reason to believe was even possible.  It really reminded me of the day I stopped smoking weed; I was just sitting and smoking a joint, chillin’ and all that, and – boom! – it just stopped being fun and, just like the end of my anal journey, I have no idea why the door just slammed close on me like that.

Not that I really objected; there were still a lot of dudes rolling up on me and asking that question; sometimes the “right” guys would settle for a blowjob, and the “wrong” guys alway seemed to get their panties in a bunch and stomp off into the sunset because I wanted no part of their dicks in my ass; I’d find myself saying to those guys, “Don’t go away mad… just go away!” and, in a way, it brought home a lot of the same negative feelings that women experience when being subjected and pursued by a man’s lust and there’s just something about him that makes your skin crawl or tells you otherwise that it would be best not to give him what he wants.

I guess that there are a lot of people who just assume that bi guys have the same kind of sex gay guys do – and it’s true, to a point because some of us learn via some means that we don’t have to do all that can be done in order to enjoy this kind of sex.  I have great memories of being fucked, to be lying there while another guy is sliding in and out of my ass, basking in the forbidden feelings and just waiting for the moment when I feel his cock swell and just before I feel the first splashes of his seed.  You get to understand some things; you get to understand (and, often sympathize) with women and how they feel when being fucked and more so if the guy isn’t a thoughtless asshole… or even when he is.  If you’ve ever fucked someone in the ass, you really cannot appreciate what it’s like to be on the receiving end; I know that whenever I fucked someone in the ass, I had a certain appreciation in this and an appreciation that can only be gained and even respected by being the one being fucked in such a manner.

Now… are you ready for some football?

 

Feeling Like a Little Bitch

I just got finished reading and commenting on AssentivelyYours’ latest blog (http://assentive.wordpress.com/2014/08/13/is-today-straight-me-or-gay-me/) and the things he was talking about took me back to the moments in my life when the gay side of me had me feeling like a little bitch.

A lot of people use this term in a derogatory way and it’s a great insult to men because it implies that instead of acting like a strong, macho man, they’re behaving like a girl – and I don’t mean any offense to any women reading this – I’m just telling it like it is.  But the term is rather apt if/when a bi guy gets to the point in his “gay side” behavior and he knows what it feels like to be a woman because he’s fully accepted that he’s a bottom and owns the female-submissive role in sex or as I did when I was being fucked rather nicely by a guy back in the crazy days.

I’m not sure I really know how to explain this feeling but I’ll give it a try.  I’ve said that there was a time in my life where I just seriously enjoyed being fucked and I guess that before the experience I’ll be telling you about shortly, I never thought about that whole masculine-dominant/female-submissive thing because I didn’t know it existed; all I knew, all that I paid attention to was that it felt good to be fucked and that, yeah, sometimes it was just a matter of quid pro quo; the other guy would give up his ass and giving mine up, while not really expected, was the right and fair thing to do.  And it was really all good right up until the day when I was talking with this guy and we learned that we both liked dick and now the only thing to do was to go somewhere and have sex with each other.

We went half on a motel room, got inside and showered together, letting the heat of the water – and the heat of the sexual tension that was building between us – get us nice and relaxed (as well as squeaky clean).  We dried each other off and without further ado, hit the bed and got right into a 69 that resulted in us creaming each other’s tonsils.  Now, at that point, I was a happy camper and not really hoping that he’d want to fuck me or that he’d want to be fucked but I also knew that I wouldn’t say no if he mentioned it and he did mention it.  We actually flipped a coin to see who would be fucked first and, humorously, I called tails and it came up tails.  I prepared my dick and his hole and slid into him kinda easily and despite what some people might think today, I can recall this moment and can say that even though I was doing something gay, I felt rather manly as I fucked this guy’s ass and filled his butt with spunk.

A small break to do some cleaning up and some delicious minutes sucking his cock into hardness, and it was my turn to be on the receiving end and from the moment he started to push his lubricated cock into my lubricated hole, I knew that it was gonna feel good… and it felt really good and somewhere during the time he was inside me, I knew – I finally realized how women must feel when they’re being fucked.  This is the hard to explain part:  He’s fucking me and I felt… so girly.  Not because he had me moaning and groaning but there was just something that clicked in my head that just took my masculinity and set it aside and replaced it with what I can only say was a pure, feminine feeling; I mean, shit, I knew I was a guy but as this dude fucked me, I sure as hell didn’t feel like one.

I can’t say that at the moment this hit me, it was a particularly bad thing and, admittedly, I didn’t bother to examine this… thing that happened until after we parted company.  He fucked me and creamed me pretty good and my satisfaction level was right where I kinda expected it to be.  More cleaning up and we spent the rest of the time sucking each other off before riding off into our separate sunsets, as it were.  However, as I was driving home, it fucking hit me like a ton of bricks when my mind started examining that moment of feeling… womanly, for lack of any other word that makes sense.  It wasn’t exactly a bad feeling… but it didn’t feel good either and I think, today, it was because I didn’t understand what it was I was feeling or why I felt that way.  I chalked it up to “one of those things” and kinda forgot about it until the next time a guy was fucking me and, uh-oh, there’s that feeling again but this time, it definitely wasn’t a good thing to feel.

Some guys can get pretty rough when they fuck you and I suppose it’s because for some reason, we believe that if we don’t give it to them good and hard, that would be a bad thing.  But this guy wasn’t as rough as some men I had experienced… but he really did have me feeling like a little bitch and, again, it didn’t feel good at all.  It make me feel sick right down to the very core of me and so much that I couldn’t enjoy the sensations of being fucked.  I felt… helpless and perhaps even “at his mercy” would be a better descriptor – I’m telling ya, this is really fucking hard to explain.  I didn’t feel manly at all; I didn’t feel abused in any way; that would have triggered a very aggressive response from me.  This wasn’t like the times when I’d been fucked and I’m lying there fervently wishing he’d hurry up and cum and get this over with; no, this was something I’d experienced just a couple of weeks ago and even then it was as different as it felt, I dunno, familiar?  I recognized the feeling from the last time and I now know that one of the reasons why I didn’t enjoy being fucked was because my mind was totally focused on this “bitchy” feel that pervaded me and, uh-huh, the fact that I didn’t like it one goddamned bit.

He busted his nut, withdrew, said something to me that I wasn’t really listening to, and then he went down on me again and just like that, the bitchy feeling just vanished except for the echo of the feeling that I knew I would be examining in greater detail as soon as we got done with each other.  I remember him sucking me off (again) and we were both getting cleaned up and even discussing whether or not I had enough left to fuck him.  That yucky, “feeling like a little bitch” feeling was still there in the background and it was disturbing even as I drove my cock into him and spent some actually delicious moments watching my dick going in and out of his butt as I did him doggy-style; ah, um, well, we’re just some visual creatures when it comes to this so, no, that yucky feeling couldn’t overcome this particular sight.

I creamed him, we cleaned up, thanked each other for a good time – but my sentiments felt as if I were lying about that and because of the way I was feeling deep down inside – and I went home and he went wherever the fuck he was going.  I had time to think about feeling this twice, thinking long into the night and even into the early morning hours trying to figure out what had made me feel this way and why the two occurrences were so damned different; one made me feel kinda good, the other made me feel like I wanted to throw up all over the place.  And, my friends, as I write this today, I still don’t know what really happened and no matter how many times I went over both situations and examined every little detail of the experiences, I just wasn’t able to figure it out but when I kinda/sorta gave up trying to figure it out – yeah, it was really fucking with me and keeping me awake as well as giving me headaches – I remember saying to myself, “So this is how women can feel when we’re fucking them?”

It made me become more observant and especially when I was just sucking dick because I wanted to know if that feeling could appear when giving head or did it just show up when being fucked?  And you know that because I was now investigating this, it never happened again.  Oh, sure, I still had those moments of “regret” when I’d be sucking or being fucked by a guy and the sex was so “shitty” that I wanted it to be over with… but it made me realize that, yeah, this is how women can feel, too, and my mind, being the efficient thing it was back then, could pick out those moments when I’m humping away and she’s wanting me to get this over with, not really as much as I wasn’t making her feel good but, perhaps, because of just how she was feeling about it.

I spent quite a few years thinking about this off and on, observing not only my behavior that of the people I was having sex with… and I learned some shit, too, and it’s stuff that at least in my opinion, you cannot really get your head around until you’ve been fucked by a guy.  I’m not saying the fella have to or should do this; I’m just saying that you really don’t get to understand why women behave the way they do about sex or how they can go from lava-hot to iceberg-cold in the blink of an eye.

Having had those two experiences, I know that it played into my dislike of being called “baby” and, yeah, even “bitch” during sex with men; that it never bothered me when women said these things is still a mystery to me; shit, they could call me everything except a child of God and I never got upset by any of it… but let a man call me baby or a bitch and, ooh, that would put me on the edge of immediate violence so fast it would scare me and, going forward, learn to just say to them, “Don’t call me that, okay?”  Now, here’s the real question:  Was this because twice in my life, I felt like a little bitch?  I think that, at least subconsciously, yeah, that’s why I’d behave in such a negative way hearing these words.  I even asked myself if that “feeling like a little bitch” had anything to do with me swearing off being fucked but, no, that was just a matter of me deciding at a really weird moment that being fucked wasn’t as much fun as it used to be.

I don’t know if this makes any sense because it’s so hard for me to put into words things that are more intangible impressions in my mind than what one would call actual thought.  Today, I understand the whole top/bottom thing, that some bi men are 100% masculine when being straight but can be, to some degree, a little bitch – and I don’t mean this in a bad way.  I’m not even saying that this is a bad way to feel if you’re a bi guy because it’s all about how you’d want to feel when getting with a guy; I just know I felt it twice:  Once I kinda liked it, once I couldn’t stand it.  I don’t know why; I don’t know what either of us did in either of the situations to make me feel the way I did.  I knew it was different from the “I made a mistake by wanting to have sex with this guy” feeling but I believe that those two events were directly responsible for me getting more in touch with my feminine side, literally and figuratively in those moments.

They were the events that made me very much aware of what we, as men, put women through when we have sex with them and that it can make us understand their behavior a bit more and even why there are bottom guys who, by “choice” really like to embrace the woman’s role in sex, whether it’s sucking dick or being fucked.  You always hear me writing, “Those of  you who have never sucked dick or never been fucked might not understand this…” and, yeah, that’s one of the things I learned, that until you really do walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, you really don’t understand what’s going on with them when it comes to this.

What I understand is that there’s a certain… pleasure in being taken just as I understand there’s a certain “disgust” that can be felt when being taken and I don’t pretend to understand the mechanisms that must be in play if/when someone feels like a little bitch.  While I’ve had guys make me wish I hadn’t agreed to suck their dick, I’ve never felt ‘feminine’ doing it and, nope, I don’t have an explanation for this even though I am very much aware that, again, there are many people who’d call me a little bitch (and maybe not to my face) because I love to do something that, historically, has supposedly been just a woman’s thing to do, just like it’s always been a woman’s thing to do where being fucked was concerned.  It’s not that hard to figure out where the derogatory connotation came from… but what makes a guy feel that way when he’s with another man?

Damned if I know…

 

The Years of Living Dangerously

After spending the day running around in parts of the county I haven’t seen in a while, I was decompressing and trying to get my noodle to settle down after absorbing a lot of information… when it decided to make a 270 degree turn, climb into its time machine, and jump into the gutter a little to look at the, ah, more crazier years as a bisexual and, no, I not only don’t know why it went there – I don’t know why it’s still on my mind right now.

I’ve often shared a lot of my exploits during those crazy times, when straight sex and gay sex were both brand-spanking new and I was doing my level best to wear the new off and by any means possible.  By today’s standards of behavior, the sex I was having was insane and dangerous beyond belief; I’ve told people about those times and have watched their eyebrows crawl into their hairline as they would say, “I don’t believe you did some shit like that!”

Well, yeah; during the crazy times, the only things you had to worry about as far as STDs went was syphilis and gonorrhea and everyone knew that if you happened to be unlucky and get this, all you had to do was go to the free clinic and anonymously get it taken care of.  I kinda laugh and say that this is one of those times that I’m glad I didn’t know then what I know now and that ignorance was, in fact, bliss; what you didn’t know about wasn’t going to hurt you until, of course, you found out about it the hard way – and a lot of people did, sad to say… but I wasn’t one of them.

Some think or believe that, today, STDs are the only danger a bisexual (and particularly males) has to worry about.  A guy can still be raped by other men, beaten, abused, and tortured by his fellow man – and just because they think it’s fun to humiliate or otherwise harm men like that.  Back in the crazy days, the old heads used to scare the shit out of and tell us not to hang around any railroad tracks because if we did, the hobos were gonna get us and rape us because they just loved tender, young – and stupidly careless – boys.  Didn’t really stop us from being around the city’s rail yard or other railroad sidings until one of our number did get caught on the tracks – by hobos – and gangbanged for several hours (or so we heard) and spent a few days in the hospital getting checked out for bad stuff and while he didn’t get infected with anything, he did have a bad crab lice infestation.

You’d think that after hearing about this, all of us young fuckers would cool our jets, right?  Nope, not even; shit, we even continued to play around the rail yards and tracks and ventured into other areas of the city’s underside that we were continually warned not to go into.  We knew what happened to our friend, just like we knew that he went down to where he was sexually assaulted because he was hoping to get assaulted and I know our mindset was one of, “Hey, that was him – nothing like that is gonna happen to me!”

Ah, the innocence and naivety of youth.  Even though we were told of the “dangers” of having sex, it didn’t do a whole lot to stop most of us; we didn’t think a whole lot about dumping loads of sperm into the girls who hung with us because, hey, that’s what they wanted, right?  Things like, oh, getting her pregnant – while one of the things we were cautioned about – just went through our minds like water through a sieve; that none of us got any of the girls “in trouble” was a good thing but that’s not really the point.  We weren’t supposed to know about sex yet a lot of us were having more sex than people way older (and supposedly wiser) than we were.  For us, it was care-free, uninhibited fun to be doing the nasty to each other and in any way we could.

Sucking dick and eating pussy, once acquired, was the thing to do; anal sex among the guys just par for the course and even with some of the girls who finally realized that, hey, if he puts that creamy stuff in my pussy, I might have a baby… but if he puts it in my ass, yeah, that’s the ticket!  Even some of the girls who were “saving” their virgin pussies for when they got married would eagerly suck dick and insist on taking it in the ass and none of us were even concerned or, importantly, knowledgeable about hepatitis and the ways one could get this liver-destroying disease, like sticking your unprotected cock into someone’s ass, for instance.

Some folks live their entire lives without having – or coming close to having – a same-sex or group sex experience… but not the kids I hung out with for all those years; for us, it was damn near part of our daily routine or, really, any time a bunch of us got together.  Of all the things that we could have – and probably should have – been worried about, our biggest fear was getting caught in the act; parents back then just did not have a sense of humor about such things and in a time where “neighborhood parenting” was in effect.  One parent catch you doing something you shouldn’t be doing, they just wouldn’t rat you out; you’d get your ass tore up by them, taken home, and ratted out so your parents could beat your ass some more.  If you know about switches, then you know why we’d be so concerned about not getting caught.

But even when some of us did get caught in the act, do you think that slowed things down?  If you got busted in the act, you got your ass tore up, got grounded for x-amount of time, and when you regained your freedom, yep, you just had to get caught up on the goings-on!  Honestly, that any of us actually survived those crazy days continues to amaze me; today, I know that we were incredibly lucky – God does look after fools and children – but even when something “bad” happened, like when I got raped, do you think that really changed anything?  Yeah, it made me be more careful, just like those who’d get caught in the act would learn to be more careful… but the head-first plunge into sex never really stopped.  Sure, some of the gang grew out of the craziness or their families moved, stuff like that and while we would miss our friends, there were still other kids in the hood who were willing to take their place and join us in this dangerous fun.

The moral boundaries didn’t matter even though we were made aware of them in that “do as I say, not as I do” way parents tended to behave in.  Asking a question about why something regarding sex shouldn’t be done would get you into more trouble than anything else and, besides, the usual answer was, “Because I said so!”  Get caught choking your chicken and you had to listen to the going blind/hairy palms speech and, yes, yours truly had to listen to it a few times and the words “Don’t do that!” was, as parents eventually learn, was just license to keep on doing it.

Cultural boundaries, while greatly enforced back in the day (read this as stay with your own kind) didn’t mean a whole lot, either, and even though getting caught or even being suspected of sexy hanky-panky with someone who wasn’t like you added much more danger to the mix, nah, you just learned how to cover your tracks, get a quick and dirty lesson about plausible deniability, and got a good understanding of the word “discretion” – hey, it was only “illegal” if you got caught.  All those stereotypes about not sucking dick or eating pussy?  Yeah, I knew they were bullshit way before I even heard them.  “Good girls don’t but bad girls do?”  A lie and a half, truth be told.  Boys don’t have sex with other boys?  Not even close to the truth.

I know it’s easy to look back on those years today and see just how incredibly careless we were and how “rebellious” we were in doing something that we were straight-up told not to do, let alone be concerned about; sex was something that we were told that we had plenty of time to experience and that there wasn’t a rush to do it – these are the same people, mind you, that would also tell us that tomorrow wasn’t promised to anyone and that just as easy as life was given to us, it could be taken away; yeah, so much for having plenty of time and no need to rush…