Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Well, Why Not?

A member of the bi guy forum asked a question along the lines of why do some bottoms refuse to top?  It’s a good question and off the top of one’s head, it can be said that they don’t want to top or, simpler, it’s their preference.  Some guys have been known to try topping and bottoming then decide which thing works better for them and if there’s no clear “winner,” well, let’s do both!  For some guys, it’s a “submissive” thing – but not, I think, in the BDSM sense this might appear to be.  Some guys get tired of always being the man in sex – the one initiating it, calling the shots and subject to performance pressures (you’d better be damned good every damned time or else!) and it just works for them that when they throw down with a guy, bleh, they don’t wanna be bothered with that and it’s just better that they’re the ones doing the pleasing, from giving head to getting creamed.

Now, it’s not that some bottoms won’t switch roles and top a guy – and I’d say it depends on the guy they’re with – but it also seems to me that once a guy decides that being a “total bottom” is what he wants and needs to do, changing his mind about it is just out of the question.  Some guys might start out being a top… right up until it’s time to stick it in and, oops – no more boner!  It’s also true that the moment some guys slip on a condom, bye-bye wood – see ya later!  I’d guess at this point the logic says if you can’t keep it up to get it in, be the one who’s getting it put into you.  By the way, I think I know why the first thing happens… I gots no clue why the second thing does, though.

It’s a preference, of course, and to fully understand what all of that entails, well, you’d have to ask a “dedicated” bottom; I’m thinking that if you asked ten bottoms about their preference, you’d get ten different answers – but answers that might also have some similarities.  Some guys feel that being all bottom, all of the time just fits their personality better… but the OP had also asked if the refusal to top could be because it’s gross and/or risky.  Well, um, sure one can easily say it’s gross given the primary purpose of that area, right?  And since we know this, we’re also aware of the risks, most of which can be set aside by using condoms so maybe – just maybe – some bottoms are of a mind that if they only bottom, they avoid these things but, um, sticking a dick in there can still be seen as gross and even with the use of condoms, there’s always the risk of rectal tearing and even friction burns due to inadequate lubrication and really big, fat dicks.

A couple of guys replied that it just gives them the greatest pleasure to give the other guy pleasure and I thought, “Well, what if the thing that would give the other guy a lot of pleasure is you giving him the high hard one?”  I’ll have to remember to return to the forum and ask this particular question.  One guy did say that he has a special guy who he’ll top but only if he’s on the bottom (and being ridden) – but position has nothing to do with this; it’s all about who’s taking the dick and who’s giving it and if you’re on the bottom and the other guy is going for a ride, dude, you’re topping.

Some members said that they like being “the girl” in this arrangement or, like one guy said in a similar topic, “Fuck me like the bitch I am!” Indeed, a lot of bottoms are more in touch with their feminine side and bottoming, for them, also include wearing the appropriate lingerie and other forms of cross-dressing.  Does this make them more gay than bi?  Um, no; it’s just that when it comes to M2M, they’d rather be the girl and some guys find the cross-dressing fetish rather satisfying and as a guy told me years ago, “Nothing makes me feel more manly than wearing a nice pair of lacy panties!”

Uh, okay…

In the whole top/bottom dynamic, the one thing I’ve seen a lot of here lately are guys picking a role and sticking to it without exception, like, it never occurs to them that they could change their mind under the right situation and, perhaps, it’s more like this is what you’ve chosen so you gotta stay with it.  I recall having this conversation with my protegé, who’s a top and insisted that he could never bottom.  I asked him what I thought was a good question:  Do you think that you could find that at some point, you’d actually want to be topped?  He said no… and some time later, wound up recanting because he got with a guy and he did, indeed, wanted to be topped (and had big fun, too).  I’ve heard that some guys – and for some reason – don’t believe they’d be good at topping a guy; certainly, this seems to be a confidence issue but I’m thinking there’s more to this because those same guys don’t seem to have any problem screwing women.  One guy told me that he didn’t think he’d be good at it and I had asked him if he ever tried it… and he said that he hadn’t; of course, my next question was, “Uh, if you’ve never tried it, how do you know you wouldn’t be good at it?” So maybe being just a bottom “saves” them from being told by the other guy that he can’t fuck worth a damn?  I really don’t know.

Ya might be asking why any of this matters… and it does when we – society – are trying to figure this whole bisexual thing out and more so when it’s not so much what we do as it is why we do it.  Like, I know that there was a time that if you were, um, a really chubby kind of guy, you automatically got relegated to the bottom role; likewise – and this might sound crazy – if you were the guy with the smaller dick, you got to be the girl.  If you appeared to lack masculinity in any way, yup, you’re on the bottom, dude – now, bend over and spread them cheeks!  Today, this no longer seems to be the case or maybe even not so much because bottoms come in all shapes and sizes and, uh, some bottoms have bigger dicks than the guy topping them.  End of the day, it’s all about what floats your boat but I do think that it’s good that guys like the OP asks questions like this even though there’s no definitive answer.  Indeed, it’s why a lot of newbies ask about topping/bottoming, sucking cock, being sucked, swallowing, etc., because a guy can’t make a decision without having some information… but as in all things, there’s no greater teacher than experience.  Some guys come out of the gate thinking and believing that being a bottom is what they’re meant to be… until they get that first dick in their booty or run into that guy who doesn’t give a fuck that it’s their first time and their backside gets a serious beat down that, at least in my opinion, no first-timer should ever be subjected to.

I’ll probably revisit this somewhere down the road but for now, this is my take on the topic…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Being on the Bottom

Sodomy, buggering, fudge packing, and cornholing are just a few words for something that can be very scary or a joy to end all joys.  Of course I’m talking about anal sex and if any of these words are sending a shiver up and down your spine and you’re getting that look on your face, you’re at least familiar with the scary aspects.  This isn’t a scribble about health issues and it’s not so much a “how-to” scribble but as I scanned the available topics on the bi guy forum and peeped a few updated topics, I was reminded of how many guys on this site are either devoted bottoms or they aspire to be a bottom if/when they ever get off the bench and into the game.

It’s not so much that guys screw each other in the butt – yeah, like no one knows that this happens – but one of the M2M sexual roles that some guys just live for while others would rather not experience.  One reason why they’d take a zero on being buggered is that it’s no secret that, um, it hurts going in and I’m sure there aren’t many of you reading this who haven’t heard volumes of horror stories about just how much it does hurt.  Some guys write that they’d like to be screwed but, damn, that whole pain thing – and even if they’ve never experienced it – can make a guy think twice about actualizing something they may see when watching porn.  Guys will ask at times what one can do to make this less painful and the answer is usually, “Not a whole lot – ya just learn how to deal with it.”  At one point, there was a lubricant that had a topical anesthetic mixed in that served a dual purpose – on the one hand, it desensitized a guy’s boner enough to extend his ability to lay the pipe while, on the other, numbing the recipient’s hole enough to take the edge off the pain of entry.

These days a lot of guys are sniffing poppers – amyl, butyl, isobutyl, isopropyl or pentyl nitrite – that serve two purposes when cock meets butt.  For one, these chemicals can produce feelings of euphoria and the other effect is that they cause relaxation in certain muscles, like the anal sphincter and it’s that relaxation that makes it possible for a guy to get speared in the butt and, along with the euphoria, perhaps not even really notice the other guy’s entry.  Some say poppers enhance this sexual experience while some find that sniffing one of these nitrites isn’t as much fun as some say it is.

Given this and a few other things, one might wonder why a guy would want to get corn-holed in the first place.  Some are just curious about what it feels like to be fucked and I don’t know too many guys who hasn’t asked a woman that at least once in their life.  Some guys are very much aware of their sexuality and now it’s a matter of deciding which sexual role best fits what’s going on inside their head.  One of the changes I’ve seen over the years is that there are a lot of guys who are bottoms and more than I can recall in my time.  There have always been guys willing to be screwed and inseminated and, no, not all of them have been feminine homosexual men; when I see a group of men complaining that they are having a hard time (no pun) finding guys to top them, I’m thinking that the ratio of tops to bottoms has seriously changed because in the past, there always seemed to be more guys wanting to do the poking than there were guys who wanted to be poked.

The number two most asked question on the bi guy forum is, “What does it feel like to be screwed?”  You see, we can watch porn – and, yes, even straight porn – and see anal sex being done but what one can’t “see” is what it feels like because, you know, anyone you see getting boned in the butt may or may not be displaying what they’re really feeling because, um, they’re actors.  Guys have written that they’ve watched gay porn and get really turned on to watch a guy getting the high hard one and it sounds like just what the doctor ordered for the way they’re looking at their sexuality.  Y’all know me – I’m the guy who’ll tell them that getting a ten-inch erection shoved into your butt isn’t as easy as porn makes it look but, hey, if you think that it is that easy, go for it… then come back and share your reality with us.

Does it feel good to be screwed?  Well, um, yeah, it does once you’ve managed to condition your mind and body for it.  On the other side of this coin, uh, does it hurt going in?  Yep, it sure does and, yep, the pain and discomfort does go away at some point but a lot of guys find that being on the bottom isn’t quite the fun thing they thought it to be because they find that they’re paying a whole lot of attention to the moment of entry than anything else so, sure, when your brain is trying to deal with this invasion, it’s not so simple to focus on what feels good about it.  Some guys employ dildos and other toys to not only condition themselves to being entered and for some, that works… but it’s not really the same as having a living, breathing, and horny dude working to get into your butt; if you’re buggering yourself with a toy, ya might be tempted to take it easier than some dude who’s caught up in his lust and the single-minded purpose of busting a nut in your backside.

Why do some guys prefer to be on the bottom?  There are a lot of reasons and, oddly enough, one of the reasons is that they really enjoy that “girly” feeling of being screwed.  Now, of course, I’m not even trying to offend any women reading this but even I know that being screwed makes a guy feel this way because, of course, we’re taught that being screwed is something only women should be subjected to so when you find yourself doing something that only women are supposed to do, you really get to understand a few things, like, why women like being screwed and the things they have to endure when being screwed.  Some guys revel in these things while others have a difficult time reconciling that girly feeling.  Cityman is one of those guys who has an issue with that feeling and he’s asked me how one avoids this rather unsettling feeling… and the answer is that you don’t and can’t avoid it – you just learn to take what feels like a negative emotion and turn it around so that you can find the pleasure in it.  It’s not easy to do and, um, er, there have been times when I’ve been on the bottom and my mind is screaming at me, “Hey!  He’s screwing you like you’re a girl!”  It can be an ugly feeling and one that clashes with one’s sense of masculinity so, at least on paper, it’s about not listening to this part of you and focusing on being screwed and finding the pleasure in it – and it can be done.

I recall a guy on the forum writing some time ago, “Fuck me like the bitch I am!” (or something like that) and what kinda surprised me wasn’t that this guy said this; it was how many guys agreed with what was said and there were a lot of guys who echoed that sentiment.  It said to me that getting fucked wasn’t just about the physical aspects or the rush of taking a very old taboo and smashing it into dust; there’s an emotional aspect to this as well.  No, it’s not emotional as in you’re gonna fall in love with the guy creaming your hole; for some guys, being on the bottom means they’re not the ones initiating sex, not the one tasked with performance excellence.  They’ve learned and/or have found that being the one subjected to being fucked just makes them feel… more complete, more whole as a person – it’s not easy to explain.

The men I call dedicated bottoms accept the feminine role in sex; they’re the ones who love to suck cock and if they don’t get sucked in return, eh, it’s no big deal and some just don’t want to be bothered with being sucked.  Cock sucking aside, these guys live to be on their knees, on their side, on top, and/or on their backs and having their forbidden zone filled with hard cock and exulting in the moment when they feel the other guy ejaculating – whether in a condom or without one.  Cityman asked me what it is about that moment that makes everything you experienced prior to that worth the aggravation… and I admit to being at a loss for words to really explain it even though I know what it feels like.  As an analogy of sorts, I asked him if he’s ever noticed that when he’s had sex with women, at the moment he cums inside them, their whole demeanor kinda changes.   Yeah, sometimes it can be that they’re relieved that homey is finally done but there’s something about feeling a dick going through the motions of ejaculation that seems to hit the lizard parts of our brains in the right place and in the right way.

There is a reason why some women get pretty pissed off if you don’t cum and there are a lot of guys who get equally unhappy if he doesn’t cum.  In true, porn money-shot fashion, some guys are thrilled getting reamed out, home boy withdraws, and sprays a load of seed all over him and some guys are of the mind that if you don’t unload in their butt, that’s a problem that will be addressed momentarily.  That moment just hits the right spots in our pleasure centers and in ways that if one tried to put it into words, what usually comes out is, “It feels good…”

Now, the role of being a bottom and how I’ve seen it played out.  In my own experiences, there was a “fairness” at play; if you were “man” enough to dish it out, you had to be “man” enough to take it, too, and if, by chance, you weren’t that fond of being fucked, well, deal with it because no other way was really acceptable and many guys would get their hole stretched and creamed because, well, it was their turn to be on the receiving end.  Time moves on and I saw a kind of “dominance” at play; the guys who were deemed “inferior” were relegated to the feminine role – the guys who were overweight, not exactly the outgoing type, and the guy with the smaller cock was included in this group.  And keep in mind that I’m not talking about or including feminine gay men in this.  It was kinda like the imposition of one’s will and the guy who “lost” this battle would be the one on the bottom.  Time zips ahead and the guys who would top and bottom – the versatile guys – were kinda reemerging but “fairness” had nothing to do with it – these guys were just comfortable and happy in either role and they represented the more flexible aspects of M2M.  There still seemed to be more tops than any other kind of guy but then, things changed once again.

Where, let’s say, the guy with the bigger dick would be the top and the guy with the smaller one would be the bottom, well, that seemed to switch up; a guy could have meat literally hanging down to his knees and you’d think he’s be the top and you’d be wrong about that.  The “thug mentality” came along and, at least in my mind, made a big change in the top/bottom dynamic and stated that you could be on the receiving end of a hard cock and not be seen as “the girl” in the act; indeed, “flip-flopping” seemed to be revived because if you were man enough to fuck a guy in the ass, you were also man enough to bend over and spread your cheeks as well.  While M2M is kinda looked at in terms more relevant to BDSM – dominant and submissive – there seems to be an emergence of guys who, when it comes to playing with dick, wants to be submissive.  Being a bottom today means you do all of the cock sucking and getting your hole creamed is not only a given but is very much an expectation and being used like the bitch the guy wants to be doesn’t seem to be a badge of dishonor like it was in the past.

To be fucked no longer means that you’re less of a man any more than sucking cock is a sign of a lack of masculinity; indeed, and as I’ve written before, the school of thought seems to be that if you’re not down with this, your masculinity could be called into question.  I will point out, however, that the guys who say this the most are also the guys who, um, wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end themselves.  Despite the inherent risks of this kind of sex, it seems to me that a lot more men are more than willing to be subjected to having their backside blissfully pounded and, oh, yeah, the bigger and fatter the dick in them, the better the experience.  It makes me blink a few times to see guys on the forum writing and essentially saying that if the guy doesn’t have a big, fat dick, it’s a deal breaker for them.

Finally (and y’all are probably breathing a sigh of relief that I’m almost done with this), some guys wind up gravitating to the bottom role because things like erectile dysfunction (ED) has robbed them of their ability to lay pipe.  It reminds me of the man I talked with years ago who, at the time, was in his mid-sixties.  He’d shared with me that he was bisexual all of his life and enjoyed sucking cock as well as being on top or on the bottom.  But time and age caught up with him; ED landed on him hard and prostate cancer came along and called for the removal of his prostate and whatever ability he had to ejaculate right along with it.  He told me that while this was a pretty miserable series of events for him, he still loved dick enough to be a “full-time” bottom.  He said, “I can’t get hard like I used to and while I can experience an orgasm, I can’t bust a nut anymore… so it seems to me that the right thing for me to do going forward is to suck dick and let guys fill my ass with dick and cum…”

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What’s It Like?”

During yesterday’s visit to the bi guy forum, there was another instance of the topic that pops up a lot:  What is it like to (add an M2M thing here)?  When this topic comes up, it’s usually asking about sucking cock and swallowing or getting screwed by a guy and, this time, what it feels like to have him cum inside you and, specifically, if it was different from screwing a woman in the butt.  One of the first things I noticed as I perused the comments is that none of the respondents said a word about how unsafe doing it in the raw can be because it’s something that gets talked about a lot that mentioning it again is a buzz kill for such a topic – and that’s fine because if you take a question like this and your answer is along the lines of, “You should never do it without a condom!” you’re not answering the question and it’s one that a guy who hasn’t experienced sex with a man needs to have answered.

Because when you leave a guy to his own devices – he’s gotta figure this out for himself because no one is willing or able to answer his questions – he’s liable to incur even more risk since in my opinion, there’s nothing riskier than making an uninformed decision or making one based on faulty information.  I know a lot of guys will peek at gay porn – it provides great visuals – but overall isn’t very informative; you can see cocks being sucked, asses getting fucked, sperm flying around all over the place but none of that really tells you what it’s like to actually experience it.

One of the things that stood out to me in some of the comments was how some guys said that it’s different with a woman versus a man, spurring other thoughts about women being softer to the touch, men being more, uh, not soft to the touch and even being a bottom makes the experience different… none of which I felt answered the OP’s questions.  True enough:  You can ask someone what it’s like and what they’ll tell you will differ from guy to guy – but it can be either good or not-so-good information because there’s a lot of bias going on, like, guys who have been boned and creamed may not have liked the experience all that much and will tend to provide negative comments or, really, comments that may not be all that helpful.  You get a lot of input with both positives and negatives and, sure, this is some good information but if you really want to know what it feels like and if there’s really any difference in play between men and women where anal sex is concerned, no amount of information you can be told can replace girding your loins and finding out first hand.

Some guys actually did try to put what it’s like into words.  That initial pain of entry was mentioned as was how it can eventually fade away and that this is something one just has to get used to – which is true.  One guy said that if a guy were to cum in you, you’d not feel it because the rectum doesn’t have any nerve endings – and he was wrong about that because it does – not gonna get into all of that right now – but what is true is that you may or may not actually feel that nut hitting your insides and more so since there’s a lot more, um, intense sensations/stimulation that’ll override things, like feeling the dick going through its pumping action so even if you’re unable to feel the sperm flowing into you, you can bet whatever you care to that you’re not gonna mistake that pumping action for anything other than what it’s known for, even if the guy is wearing a condom.

The thing I felt the respondents missed was something kinda obvious:  While there are obvious difference in play re men and women and other stuff they felt was important, what they overlooked was the act itself – putting A into C and, as such, there’s no difference in play.  Like cock sucking, guys tend to focus on the differences between women doing it and men doing it… but not the act itself.  Things like technique and desire differ between men and women and can even differ with the same person and dependent upon their mood… but the act of sucking a dick isn’t different any more than the act of sliding a lubed-up dick into someone’s butt is different or, as I commented, “Sucking is sucking, fucking is fucking…”  The acts are the same no matter who’s doing it and the key word is “act,” not “who.”

Talking about any perceived differences, however, doesn’t really answer the question and to be honest, as proficient as I can be with words, even I can’t tell you exactly and precisely what it feels like.  It’s not like I don’t know because I do but there’s a lot of shit happening in that space between one’s ears that, for one, there are no words for and, for the other, is so complex that another part of your brain gathers it all together and simplifies it:  It either feels really good or it doesn’t… or, oddly, it feels good and bad at the same time.  Yeah, try explaining that one to someone!  Still, it’s kinda hard to be objective given the complexity of it all – you’re either gonna like getting boned in the butt or it’ll be the worst thing you’ve ever experienced so being subjective about it seems sensible… except the experience can be different every time and is based on a plethora of conditional things along the lines of what, where, why, when, who, and how and keeping in mind that even when you do this with the same person, no two experiences are gonna be exactly the same – it just doesn’t work like that even though when we have sex, we want to be consistent.  Even the moment of penetration isn’t as consistent as it appears to be but, uh, you’d have to be of a mind to really give a lot of thought to this and that’s hard to do when, um, there’s a hard, slick cock being pushed into your butt and working toward the expected explosion.

While guys with experience in this can share those experiences, there’s still only one way to find out what it’s gonna be like for you.  It can be a mind-blowing experience, a very uncomfortable one that will distract from experiencing any real pleasure or it can even leave a guy wondering why this is such a big deal to begin with – and that’s just the first time they experience it.  Often enough, that initial experience can be so… traumatic that a guy would rather cut off a foot than to experience it again; it can make them believe – and incorrectly so – that if it was bad that first time, it will always be bad.  Porn, once again, makes it look easy; it also makes it look like the greatest sexual thing two guys can do with and to each other… the reality usually says otherwise.  So what does it feel like to get boned and creamed?  Here goes…

It’s intense; the moment of entry can be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful depending on several factors like the size and shape of the cock going in, the amount of lubrication – and type of lubrication used, whether or not the cock is encased in a condom or not, the level of relaxation the receiver can bring to bear; the position in which one is being penetrated, the speed of penetration.  How long does it take for it to stop being uncomfortable/painful?  No set time in this and it really depends on the aforementioned conditions and one’s own ability to dismiss pain.  When does it start to feel good?  Um, that depends on how long it takes to get past being penetrated right along with how the guy inside you is actually fucking you, like, is he taking it easy or is he trying to pound you right through the bed and like he’s in a pussy… and what you think “feeling good” is gonna mean, which is hard to nail down because if this is your first time, all you might have to go on is how you think it should feel to you – and you could be surprised and not in a good way.  Feeling good being fucked is about getting past the physical part and depends on what’s going on in your head so it could feel good seconds after being penetrated or minutes… or not at all… and all of the above.

I did tell you there’s no easy way to describe this, didn’t I?

How does it feel when a guy cums in you?  Oh boy… really not easy to describe.  If your mind isn’t still paying attention to any discomfort you might feel, there’s that moment when he’s about to cum – ya might feel his cock getting ready to deliver the load, might feel his cock getting bigger and harder and if you’re paying attention, you just might even feel that first explosion of cum shooting into you, followed by that furious pumping action that can feel very weird and good at the same time and sometimes that depends on whether or not the guy stops fucking as he unloads or he keeps right on stroking in there – again, too many variables at play to provide a definitive answer and a lot of this also depends on how you’re feeling at the moment he cums in you (or into the condom).  You can feel good and “girly” – and that can be a good or bad thing – or you’re just really happy that it’s all over with depending on how the other guy screwed you so, at this point, you might not be thinking about how good getting creamed may have felt – you just want him to finish and get out of there… or you could be kinda pissed off that he’s finished.  At this point, whether it all really felt good or not depends on how your brain will eventually get around to processing everything that happened once he pulls out.  First timers, well, sorry guys, but there’s no way I could tell you how you’re gonna feel or how you should feel – it’s still something you have to determine for yourself but you’re either gonna say it felt good… or it didn’t.

What I can tell you is that once you’ve been screwed and creamed, if you don’t learn anything else, you’ll learn some of the same things that women have learned and the only “absolutes” here is that it’s either gonna be the greatest thing since sliced bread… or you’re gonna wish that you hadn’t done it.  Some guys have that first experience and the next question (or questions) they ask can be, “Why didn’t it feel as good as I thought it would?” or “When does it start feeling good?”  All I can say to this is that what you expect it to feel like may not match what you felt and it’ll maybe start feeling good when you manage to condition yourself to focus on the pleasure and not paying a lot of attention on how painful and/or uncomfortable it felt.  Such things take x-amount of time and a few adjustments in your thinking, one of which – and in my opinion – is making it a point to enjoy being screwed and not depend so much on the guy screwing you making it good for you, if that makes sense.  If you can’t condition yourself to enjoy the act of being screwed and potentially creamed, you’re not gonna enjoy it no matter what the other guy does – you have to want to enjoy it.

And in order to find out if you will or not, you really and seriously have to do it and, ideally, more than once if you can manage it; just because it wasn’t good the first time doesn’t mean that it’ll be bad the next time… or it might be.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “He Nutted in Me!”

It’s a sensation that women are familiar with when they get bonked, humped, screwed, porked, poked, and way too many more creative descriptors.  There probably aren’t too many men who hasn’t, at some point in their lives, asked a woman what that feels like and, perhaps, expecting to hear an erotic description… only to remain kinda baffled when she blinks, thinks, and replies, “It feels good…”

There are gay men who knows what this feels like, just as there are bi men who knows what this feels like and, admittedly, uh, ya gotta go through some… stuff… in order to find out what it feels like to be screwed and inseminated.  Also admittedly, doing all the things in order to experience this sensation is enough to send the toughest man running for the hills and for some the mere thought of having a hard dick literally reaming them out can invoke such feelings of dread; I’ve heard men relate that they’d rather take a high load in the mouth or get it blasted in their face – and some of those men don’t suck dick.

I know what it feels like (duh, right?) and as extensive as my vocabulary is, I can’t really explain it although some of the other feelings associated with this are delight, relief, disgust, remorse, and indifference – explaining that last descriptor isn’t easy either.  Some guys experience getting boned and realize that even though they may have had a good idea of what it would be like, ah, man, the actual experience might it match the rose-colored idea in their head.

I know some guys watch porn depicting anal sex; some guys might have the thought that, hmm, theynwish someone would let them do that – and some guys just might ask themselves, “I wonder what that feels like?” as they watch the usual big dick worming it way in and out of someone’s butt and if they’re watching the right porn flick, get to watch the receiver getting inseminated.

Except, those folks in the flick are professionals and, of course, you don’t see what goes on behind the scenes (no pun… okay,  it’s a pun) to get everyone prepared for it so that when the scene is being shot, wow, it looks so easy, doesn’t it?  Those of you with anal experience know that it’s not that easy and I’ve seen guys watching porn containing anal sex and have heard them say (or mutter), “That looks painful…”

All that trivia aside, this scribbling isn’t about the inherent discomfort of getting boned in the butt; it’s really about the nearly obscene pleasure of having another guy fucking you… and the equally obscene – but oddly pleasant – sensation of feeling him busting a nut in you and even if he’s wearing a condom.  Like, man, those pulses… whew…

Remember that damned feeling I wrote about the other day?  In my opinion – and, once more, without any offense to women – the only thing that’ll make you have that feeling other than being fucked is feeling that guy emptying his balls in your asshole.  It’s primal in ways I can’t really explain, something that feels right but terribly wrong because, of course, the rules say that men aren’t supposed to be busting a nut in another man’s ass.  It’s pleasing in ways that isn’t easy to explain other than to say that it feels good or it feels weird… but still nice and, oddly, it’s the “reward” at the end that makes what you had to endure to get there worth it.

Or not; that would depend on how much you like getting screwed in the butt and the person screwing you; that he’s unloading inside you can often be seen as a blessing in disguise and you’re damned happy he’s creamed you so he can get out of you and the sooner, the better.  As I’ve said so many times and in so many writings, as men, we can really get to experience and understand what women go through, up close and very damned personal.

So, one day, I was talking a a guy I was kinda mentoring quite a few years ago and he’d worked his way from jerking another guy off to sucking another guy off and where he liked those things, he seemed very eager to takemthst next step and get screwed.  We spent a lot of hours talking about that and, honestly, I was really trying to talk him out of it; some guys think this is a great idea until the first time they feel a cock knob spreading their hole open.  We talked preparation, talked about training his body to get used to something “big” going in, as well as learning how to make his body relax.

He was determined to experience getting humped but he’d also said, “I wanna get screwed… but I don’t want him to nut in me.”  We’d talked at great length about that, beginning with me saying to him, “Um, if you let a guy screw you, uh, what do you think is gonna happen at some point?”

“I know but the guy who screws me will have to pull it out before he cums!” he said emphatically.

“is there a reason why?” I asked, thinking that before he answered, I knew why.

“I ain’t no girl, ya know?” he answered indignantly.

Yeah, that’s what I thought he’d say and I did tell him that while some guys would honor your request and withdraw, oh, boy, there are some guys who just might agree to your terms… and bust a nut in you anyway.  

Ladies – y’all know about this one, right?

I recall being a bit baffled about his indignant response because, um, dude, like it or not, if some cat is screwing you, you are being screwed like a girl but I could understand what he was saying; some guys love to suck dick but don’t want a guy busting a nut in his mouth, not because of the way sperm tastes… but because of that damned feeling.

I guess it was maybe a month or so later when my “student” called me and told me that he’d finally been screwed and he wanted to talk about his experience.  I was actually rather proud of him when he said that he handled the discomfort well and being fucked felt…good.  I had laughed because he could no more put it into words than I could.

While he talked, I got the sense there was a “but” coming (okay, no puns this time) and after listening to him stumbling through trying to explain how it felt to him, he said, “But he nutted in me after I told him not to!”

And, yes, friends, I started laughing – I just couldn’t help it anymore than I could not say, “I told you, didn’t I?” I got a grip on myself and asked him how he felt about that.  Before he answered, he suggested that my parents weren’t married when I was born… then said that, at first, he was livid and fighting mad and said that when he felt it being shot into him, “Man, I felt like a little bitch!”

“Why do you think you were feeling like that?” I’d asked.

“Um, ah, shit, might have been because I was moaning… a lot,” he eventually said after almost two minutes of silence that had made me think we’d got cut off.

“I see… so it was bad because he ignored your request not to nut in you but perhaps not as bad as you thought?” I asked.

“Something like that,” he said, his tone of voice telling me he was quite embarrassed by his reaction to being inseminated.

“Okay, so now you’ve had the experience and you know what it all feels like; will you do it again?” I asked and because some guys do experience the full effect of being fucked and never want to experience it again; the emotions after the fact can be very difficult to work through.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly.  “He nutted in me, man, and I don’t know how I feel about that…”

I don’t know if he ever did it again as day to day things made us pass like two ships in the darkest of nights but I could understand how getting nutted in had made him feel.  Like I said way back in the beginning of this, it can make you feel good, make you feel totally disgusted, make you feel blissfully – or gratefully – relived, and oddly indifferent, like you really didn’t care whether he busted in you or not.  That one, I’d have to say, doesn’t happen often but it happens and even I have no idea why except maybe in those situations where getting porked sounded like a good idea at the time but by the time the other guy busts, eh, not that great of an idea when it’s all said and done.

Really, really hard to explain that one…

Some men feel that they can fuck a guy or be fucked and as long as that nut doesn’t get busted on the inside, it’s somehow not “gay,” a sentiment that tends to make me roll my eyes a lot because, duh, just because someone didn’t inject – or get injected – does not remove the homosexual aspect of what just happened.  Sorry, fellas – it just doesn’t; whether he nutted in you or not, ya got boned just the same and now it’s simply a matter if you liked it or not.  Some guys say that if some swinging dick is gonna be inside them like that, the owner had better bust that nut in there or there’s gonna be an issue; some guys feel that it’s safer if that doesn’t happen (nah, technically, not really, but I’m not gonna get into that).

It’s an interesting experience and if nothing else, you get to experience something that, supposedly, only women should experience.  And if you’ve ever really and seriously been curious about what it feels like, well, there’s only one real way to find out, huh?  Sure, you can ask someone but as mentioned, ya might not get an answer that makes a lot of sense because having someone busting a nut in you evokes a lot of intangible things that there are just no words for.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Decisions, Decisions…

I had reason to think about guys who have taken that initial plunge and are now into the sex that’s possible with another man and the decisions that, invariably, will have to be made with regard to how they’re gonna be bisexual and discover those things that they like, don’t like, and are deemed situationally okay.  There probably isn’t a man (and regardless to sexuality) who doesn’t know about gay sex – they’ve heard the rumors and horror stories, could have seen a gay porno, or even use their imagination about this… but we’re once again going to tread heavily into the area of what you think it’s like is one thing… but what it’s really like something else; likewise, it’s one thing to have an idea of what you could do with another guy but actually doing it might not turn out the way you imagined it.

I’ve had guys ask me, prior to walking the plank, “What am I supposed to do?” and I’ve answered their question with a question:  “What do you want to do?”  You can, in fact, do everything sexually with a man that can be done with a woman with the exception of home boy having one less available orifice so it’s a wide-open playing field and now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find out what you can do, like to do, would prefer not to do, yada, yada.  Yes, you can go on an Internet search and gets a boatload of ideas of what other people think is good, bad, and avoided at all costs and form your own initial opinions… but the key phrase that should be noted is “what other people think;” we do have this habit of letting the opinions of others influence our sexual behavior like, classically, anal sex always hurts and should be avoided like the plague, for instance.  In this, we have this other habit of assuming that if we did something and it was bad for us or otherwise unlikable, it is always going to be like that; we kinda don’t take into consideration that when the shit went south, it could have been the person you were with, the situation, location, your frame of mind at that moment, the time of day, weather conditions…. well, you get the idea.  So the next person that comes along and wants to do some stuff to you is probably gonna get disappointed because you now have it in your head that it’s never gonna work.  Anyway…

What’s the best way to find out this critical and crucial information?  Um, give it a try… and then try it more than once or twice to be as sure as you can about it.  Yes, it’s good to have as much information about this kind of sex that you can absorb and before you get naked… but experience is still the best teacher and, really, you never know what you can do until you try.  Don’t assume that you’re gonna like or dislike something; this kind of thinking tends to set up some biases within you that are damned difficult to get rid of – you might be thinking that, say, swallowing sperm is a bad thing… but you really and truly won’t ever know until you give it a try… or two… or three if that what it takes.

A guy asked once, “How do I know if I’m a top or a bottom or it doesn’t make a difference?”  Um, give these roles a try and even if you have a “good idea” what role you already “fit” into.  Why should you do this?  So you’ll know what it’s like.  I don’t know about other bi guys but up until anal sex stopped being a joy for me, I was versatile; I know what it’s like to be dick-deep in a guy’s ass as well as what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a cock… and because I know this, it has an impact on how I’d fuck a guy and, yes, even when it comes to women, too.  See, when you crossover to the bi sex, in a way, you’re relearning everything you ever learned about sex and, if your head is in the right place, you’re able to see the bigger picture of sex and how it’s related – it’s some deep-thinking stuff, if you’re so inclined to engage in such thinking – but it’s useful information.

You do have to learn how to have sex with a man, as funny as that sounds; likewise, you should have a good working understanding off all this implies but it’s not enough to read some shit on how to suck cock and deal with sperm – it should be experienced so you will know, beyond any doubt whatsoever, what the real deal is compared to what amounts to be just theory for you.  So now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to get this experience… and not be afraid.  Yeah, if you’ve never even had a finger poked in your ass, the thought of some guy with a seven-inch erection pushing his dick into your ass is some very scary shit and you have a choice:  Take the horror stories you’ve heard or imagined as fact… or find out for yourself and, yes:  At every turn, take all necessary precautions to ensure your health and safety.

Here’s something else for those who about to take the plunge to think about and like you didn’t have enough to think about already:  When you agree to have sex with a man – and you don’t lay down the rules of engagement (or he doesn’t) – the other guy is going to make some assumptions that, um, might not go very well.  Just because you have it in your mind that you don’t want to be fucked or have him busting a nut in your mouth is all well and good… but if you don’t tell him that, uh, guess what might happen?  And, yes, despite what you might think, you could wind up in a situation where the sexual atmosphere is so heavily charged that one or both of you might not mention the rules of engagement before the fact – and now you’re trying to invoke some rules on the fly… and that might not lend itself to a good and satisfying sexual experience.  And, yeah – even if the ROE has been established, don’t ever assume that the rules are always gonna be abided by… because shit can and does change when you’re all up into the heat of the moment; not only can the other guy change his mind, um, you could also change yours, too.  Yeah, I hear y’all out there saying, “Shit, that shit ain’t ever gonna happen!” or otherwise feel that you’re in complete control of things and all you’re really doing is inviting Mr. Murphy to the party because if it can go wrong, it will go wrong… and just because it’s sex and sex does have the power to make anyone “go off-script” at any time and without prior notification.

Taking your first long walk off a short plank is the beginning of a learning experience that, in this bisexual writer’s opinion, is damned important for the development of your preferences when you get naked with another man.  Try it all until you are 100% sure that you can’t do a thing, don’t like some other thing, shit like that – and keeping in mind that just because you didn’t like (add some shit here) with this guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna like it with another guy.  The other thing is that if you’re keen to get balls-deep in another guy’s throat and make a deposit and you don’t know what that can be like, well, you might get miffed at the other dude when he stops you from doing that to him… and I think that a lot of guys who get into this aspect of sex are very guilty of doing shit to another guy that they wouldn’t do themselves and because they don’t have any experience of what it’s like to get gagged by a big dick or how it feels to have someone getting a running start and slamming a hard dick into your ass with great speed and force.  To me, if you know what that’s like, you might be more… considerate when you’re subjecting another man to your lust.

And then keep in mind that what some women say about some men being assholes when they’re having sex, this isn’t bullshit:  This is a fact and, well, you’re gonna find this out for yourself, trust me; damn, there is just so much shit to be learned, so many decisions to be made if you want to have the best possible outcome (no pun) when you lie down with another man.  Again, and just in my opinion, it’s not enough to know things in a theoretical way – you should know what it’s like because you’ve actually done it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Determination

During the time we spent sucking each other, I was impressed at how he was so determined to not only be sucked by a guy for the first time but to also try his hand at sucking dick.  Hell, I admired the courage he showed by wanting to get naked with me to begin with; after hearing his reasons why he wanted to do this, I told hi that he didn’t have to… but he said that he did have to do this to be able to answer questions about himself that only direct action could provide.

It took him a little time to get used to sucking a dick and that kind of “fumbling” was almost enough to get me to lose my load quickly – but I managed to hold in to it as I worked to get him to lose his.  He did lose it – later, he’d tell me that he was embarrassed to have cum so fast but I told him that I’ve never held that against a man so it was no big deal.  I continued to be impressed; some guys bust a nut and their desire to continue goes away afterward… but not him; if anything, his release gave him greater incentive to make me cum.

It worked, too; I gave him the warning that I was about to cum so he could stop – tasting sperm for the first time isn’t always pleasant – but all he did was moan an acknowledgment of my announcement and sucked me as hard and as fast as he could manage.  I exploded – it was such a delicious feeling – and even being caught in the throes of my release, my appreciation of him skyrocketed as he sucked down everything I was putting into his mouth.

We were both spent… but we weren’t done with each other yet because there was one more thing he was determined to do:  He wanted to be fucked.  I had tried to dissuade him, not because I didn’t want to fuck him but because I knew that just like swallowing sperm, having your ass invaded by a hard dick wasn’t all that pleasant and even for experienced guys.  During our break in the action, I asked him if he still want to be fucked  and I could see that he was still excited and determine to experience it even before he said, “Damned right I do!”

He got me ready to be lubed up by going down on me again until I was good and hard; then he grabbed the bottle of lube and literally drowned my dick in the slippery stuff before doing the same to his back door, slipping one then two fingers into himself to make sure I’d be able to get into him as easily as possible.  He straddled me, looking directly into my eyes as he used a hand to position me at his hole and I said again that it would be okay if he didn’t want to do this… but all he did was smile, took a moment to focus… and sat right down on me.

We both cried out as my dick went into him like the proverbial hot knife through butter; I was concerned because he wasn’t looking well – having a hard cock plunging into your ass that quickly can make you want to throw up.  I asked him if he was okay and if he needed time to adjust or if he wanted to just stop… and he just shook his head, got a more determined look on his face, and began to ride me and, honestly, it was all I could do not to cum quickly and despite being on my second wind because it felt good to be inside him and because he was learning to ride dick on the fly, well, he wasn’t going to earn any style points not that it mattered because this wasn’t about me.

This was all about him and his determination to experience something he had only dreamed about.  I can’t honestly tell you how long he rode me before I came inside him; what I can tell you is that I watched him the whole time and saw that whatever questions he had asked himself about this were being answered.  He said, “I need you to cum in me now…” and in a tone of voice that might have used to tell me that the sun was shining.  He slammed his ass down I my dick harder and I lost it and the feelings were so intense that I was barely aware of feeling my dick pulsing through my release.

He leaned forward and put his head on my heaving chest and said, “Thank you… you have no idea how much is means to me…”  And maybe I didn’t… but I knew how determined he was to do it all and I knew just how much I appreciated his courage and respected him.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Anal Sex

Okay, this is a good one!  We begin with the perception/stereotype that all men who have sex with men engage in anal sex and then apply the truth that, nope, this ain’t everyone’s cup of tea.  I’m not going to get all into the safety aspects because they are what they are and given the risks today, doing this safely makes a lot of sense.  Here’s what’s going on in my head about this…

 Most people see this as a very nasty thing to do considering what comes out of that hole… which doesn’t mean there aren’t folks who find anal sex pleasurable from either side of the equation.  As it applies to bi guys, the usual applies – some are into it, some aren’t and then there are those guys who have never done it either way but wonder what it’s like.

I know from my own experiences that it’s… interesting and a lot of that depends on the guy trying to shove his  dick in your ass.  Again, there are tips, tricks, procedures and techniques for doing this… but this ain’t a “how-to” kind of writing and the Internet could tell you more about this than I could (not that I don’t know them).  I can go back to the first time I got fucked although, I’d say ‘technically’ the man never fully got into my ass but had enough of his knob in me that would make me say, yeah, he had it in me… a little.  We all think about the pain and discomfort associated with this and anyone who has, at the least, stuck a finger in their butt can tell you how… interesting that feels.  And if you think just having a finger in there, imagine what having a cock going in there feels like.

If you get fucked, you will find out what women know about what it feels like and, for newbies or any other bi guy thinking about trying it for the first time, please don’t use gay porn as a “real” example because (1) there are a lot of preparations that take place that aren’t seen on camera and (2) the guys being fucked are quite used to it and while it looks easy to get in there on the screen, well, try it yourself.  All this aside, it can be pleasurable – I used to love being fucked and there’s just something about feeling a cock moving in and out of your ass that feels so good you can’t even really describe it other than to say, “It feels good!”

Do guys who want to have sex with other guys expect to fuck them in the ass?  Off-hand, I’d say yes because there’s something about being able to  fuck someone there; it can be as simple as “that’s the only hole other than a mouth that can be fucked” to more insidious motives like emasculating the guy being fucked and making him your bitch.  Guys who fuck other guys have told me that they get off ‘dominating’ the other guy, that it gives their sense of masculinity a huge boost to fuck another man’s ass and some guys can be pretty “nasty” about it.  We can get into the whole top and bottom thing and in this kind of sex between men, this is rather important and sets the “marching order” for this – tops do the fucking, bottoms get fucked.  Versatile guys are an exception because it doesn’t matter to them if they’re pitching or catching as long as it happens.

But, just like swallowing sperm, it’s a choice to be made and it’s not one to be  taken lightly.  Someone once asked me what it felt like to be fucked and I likened it to getting a tattoo – no matter what someone might tell you, it’s gonna hurt.  Personally, I was fucked a lot growing up and I know that it’s said that you get used to the initial discomfort… and I never really did because even with lube and being relaxed and all that, nah, I wouldn’t say that it feels good going in but once it’s in and you get adjusted, well, that’s different… and now it depends on the guy in your butt and his mindset as well as the size and shape of his cock.

Anal sex is terrifying to most and is one of those sexual things that you don’t have to do to know how “bad” it can be; a lot of people won’t even try it because they’ve heard through the grapevine how much it hurts and that’s outside of their thoughts about such things being filthy and nasty.  Admittedly, that’s part of the allure of it, you know, doing the one sexual thing that is such a forbidden and taboo thing to do.  And, yes, a lot of guys turn to other men for anal sex because not all women are fond of it; they’ve either heard the horror stories or have had bad experiences in this and, well, you know how people are:  Once they have one bad experience, they just assume every experience is always going to be bad and once a woman gets that into her head, you can pretty much forget about getting your dick in her ass.  But, yup, there are guys who don’t mind one bit and some live to feel a hard one in their ass so, yeah, if girlfriend ain’t gonna allow it…

For me, back in the day, anal sex was pretty much a given.  Not exactly an expectation but, as I’ve said quite a few times, just a matter of course:  If you fucked a guy in the butt, letting him fuck you was just the right thing to do.  So if you didn’t like to be fucked in the butt, don’t even think about sticking your dick in there because if it’s not going to be “tit for tat” well, that’s just lame and makes you quite chickenshit.  As I got older, that sense of “fairness” started going out of the closest window; there were guys who wanted me to fuck them but weren’t interested in fucking me (and no matter how much I wanted them to); likewise, there were guys who wanted to fuck me but wasn’t trying to hear being fucked in return and since I never saw this as being “fair” I’d avoid those guys like the plague and, really, a lot of those guys were assholes about it, if you’ll forgive the pun.  Yep, I learned that fairness in this doesn’t mean a damned thing and that there are clear lines being drawn in the sexual sand and now instead of it being a mutually satisfying thing for both guys to do, eh, it can be anything but that (see what I did there?).

I’m not saying that bi guys should get into anal sex just because it can be done but I will say that until you try it, you’re not really gonna know if you’re gonna like it or not.  I will say that I know there are guys who like using toys in their butt – and that’s fine and can go a long way in “training” your butt to take the real thing… but a toy isn’t the real thing that’s attached to a horny dude looking to bust that nut.  If you’re thinking about giving a guy the business, well, it can get interesting because there are some guys who can be as hard as steel before the fact… but when they go to stick it in – oops! – who let the air out?  It’s embarrassing not to be able to maintain an erection in that moment and I’ve never figured out why this happens; I’ve thought that something rumbling around in the back of the mind says, “Hey!  You ain’t supposed to put that there!” and now you’ve got a limp noodle and a guy wondering why there’s no cock in his ass.

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*Sigh* – another blog that has gone into the next day.  So, picking up where I left off, while there are guys who (a) want to fuck another guy’s ass and (b) want to be fucked in the ass, it’s not always as easy as it appears to be.  I’ve talked to guys who have told me that they’ve been fucked when they didn’t want to be and I’ve asked them, “Well, why did you allow it?” – and the answers have been interesting, from “I don’t know” to “He had it in me before I could say no!” to “I didn’t want to start a fight so it was easier to just let him do it.”  It’s understandable, if not proper “etiquette” in that sense because there are just some guys who won’t  take no for an answer when it comes to this – some guys just automatically assume that if you agree to have sex with them, they get to fuck you… but this is why you take the time to make sure that everything is understood before the fact.  You can say no to anal sex… but you have the right to change your mind if you want to and, yeah, you can even change your mind in the middle of it if need be.  See, if you get into this, you really get to understand why women are they way they are about sex at times…

I say again that if you’re a newbie and haven’t taken the plunge yet, you really want to do all the research into safe anal sex before doing it; don’t assume that it always has to be done and don’t assume that it’s always going to go swimmingly and, hell, no, don’t use gay porn as a primer for doing this!