Tag Archives: Male and Female Bisexuality

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Just About the Sex?

Yes. No. Kinda. It could be… and might not be. It depends. I think people hear “bisexual” and images of wild orgies pop into some minds or some other kinds of mental porn gets stuck on repeat in their thoughts but for many, being bisexual and embracing what it means to be bisexual doesn’t always include sex, well, none outside of whatever sex they normally have.

It’s pretty amazing and awe-inspiring to look at the world around you without the blinders our morality installs and being able to admit to yourself that the same-sex attractions you may have been feeling – or are feeling now – isn’t all that bad of a thing or, simply, it’s the way you feel and being able to feel this way is awesomely liberating. It does not mean that one of the first things to be done in this is to go jump some bones (or get yours jumped) but, um, yeah… it’s pretty much implied, isn’t it?

I think but really can’t “confirm” that once someone accepts that this is how they’re feeling, it puts them more in touch with, well, their feelings and more so when this “revelation,” as I’ve been saying, rewrites everything they know, have been taught, and even what they’ve experienced in life to date. It has always amazed me how all of this gets translated into having sex and while there aren’t many women I know who have said that now that they’re bi, they’re gonna rush out and ravish some mother’s daughter… but guys tend to behave like this and by the many times I’ve heard guys talk about this… irresistible compulsion to play with a dick in some way.

The compulsion is real and it is persistent; I’ve heard folks talk about how distracting it is and how, for many, it just erodes their “common sense” in that they become aware of the risks involved and not just the health-related ones; it’s not all that difficult for one to almost immediately understand the great angst in play about not being 100% heterosexual or, yeah, even being 100% homosexual for some and, well, it’s not something one is usually of a mind to do something like, oh, rent a billboard and let everyone who happens to see it know that, hey – I’m bisexual now!

I’ve had people tell me that being bisexual is just about the sex and nothing more than that and I happen to know that they’re right about that and not so much; some folks feel that they have no need to have sex in this way and there are so many poor souls out there who want to… and there’s just no way for them to figure out how they can do it and more so with “new” bisexuals who are in a relationship already and those who have been in one for a whole lot of years.

But, yeah; the compulsion to have the sex is pretty fucking powerful and when I’ve been asked why it is my answer is usually, “I really don’t know – I just know it is. You’d think that because I’m bisexual and have been since “forever,” I’d know the answer but, nope – I really don’t; I have no idea what drives the compulsion or why it seems to make so much sense – and even when the moral imperatives we’ve been programmed with is telling us – screaming at us – to not even go there.

Remember I wrote in my last scribble, “Free your mind and your ass will follow?” Yeah – it seems that once you free your mind, your ass is gonna want to follow in a very carnal way and so much that it feels like a logical conclusion… and I’m not sure that it really is… but it might be… shit… I really don’t know.

I just know it’s real, that it’s powerful, and it’s a bitch and a half trying to ignore it. I’d suppose it doesn’t “help” anyone who, prior to acceptance, has been wondering what it would be like and it definitely doesn’t help anyone who has watched porn – any kind of porn – and it’s been putting all kinds of salacious and “nasty” thoughts in their head about a certain kind of sex they could be having if they can admit to themselves that this is what they’ve been feeling and thinking. For those folks who haven’t really had such thoughts or, I think, really, it’s crossed their minds and got summarily kicked out for moral reasons, I cannot explain why many such people get hit with the compulsion once they’ve freed their mind about sex and sexuality when they accept their bisexuality.

I know about the objection and we just have this… thing about people who are having more sex than what’s “allowed” and we do give people who have tons of sex a hard time about being so… promiscuous and like it’s a bad thing but, yeah, to them, it really is. Men who are out there screwing like it’s illegal are dogs and women are just straight-up sluts… and when one is bisexual, holy shit – what the hell is wrong with you? Just pick one person to have sex with and leave it at that!

Yeah… doesn’t work like that but, as I’ve scribble about before, there’s this… leaning or even a push to legitimize sex as a bisexual by imposing the same moral components that define heterosexuality: No casual sex, no sex without a relationship of some kind being in place and with the requisite emotional connections firmly in place and then only with one person at a time but with an “exception” that says if you’re in a relationship already and the compulsion has beaten you down enough to act, you are kinda “allowed” to have one other person to have the sex with other than the person you’re with which, okay – that’s a problem, too, right? It is but people do find ways around that.

It’s not really just about the sex and I can’t emphasize this enough but, damn, it’s pretty damned attractive and, again, there’s just that… something that says, “Go ye forth and get jiggy like that… and you can’t do it fast enough!” The compulsion is like getting run over by a fast-moving train and more so when most people really don’t see it coming; it’s like after x-amount of time debating with themselves if they’re bisexual or not, the moment they tell themselves that they are – pow! – here comes the compulsion and it’s why I’ve heard so many men and women get pretty flustered to find themselves craving the sex when, prior to acceptance, it wasn’t there outside of their “normal” desire for sex. Or, yeah – as I’ve heard time and time again, guys asking, “Why do I have this urge to suck a dick?”

And, again, I say to them, “I really don’t know where it comes from but I do know that it’s powerfully real.” Or they’ll ask why it suddenly makes so much sense when it never did before and, yep – I don’t know why it makes sense and, yep, I just know that it does… well, to most folks. Now, many do learn that having the compulsion and actually doing something about it can be seriously different but that’s not really the point here; it’s not really all about the sex but I feel safe in saying that it usually does – and it’s not always about actually having it.

Now we’re getting into having very bad cases of dick and pussy on the brain. Not everyone acts on the compulsion… doesn’t stop the compulsion from fucking with their thoughts one bit. Some can keep it down to a dull roar in their minds and some just can’t. They know, given their situation and all that, that they shouldn’t give in to the compulsion and they fervently wish it would just go away and leave them the hell alone – and they ask if it ever goes away and I’ve been the one to tell them that, nope – it doesn’t go away; it might “back off” at times but just completely vacate the premises?

Nope – doesn’t work like that. See, it’s believed that bisexuals run into problems because they do “dash out” and have the sex but the biggest problem they face is… not having the sex and fiercely resisting the compulsion to do just that. Why? Shit… if I knew the answer to that, I’d also know about the other stuff I don’t have answer for! Even when one has resolved themselves to the “impossibility” of ever having the sex, the compulsion doesn’t go anywhere and for some, it’s like the compulsion says, “Okay, okay – you’re not gonna do it the way you know you should be doing it so let’s redirect it in a way you feel more comfortable in, aight?”

Some folks have said that now that they’re bisexual – even if in thought at this point – they’ve turned into some very horny critters and more than what’s normal for them… and, no – I have no idea why… I just know it can happen. And even when they start having more “normal” sex, the compulsion to have the “other kind of sex” is still there or, as one guy told me, he was having a hard time figuring out why he was still craving dick when he was getting pussy and the simple explanation I could come up with was that pussy is good and all that… but it’s not what you really wanted and, no, no, no – I don’t have a clue about what’s really going on with this.

I just know that it can work like that. I know that because the compulsion does make a lot of people get into the sex, it looks like being bisexual is just about the sex. It is… and it isn’t… but it could be and might not be. Confused? Welcome to the club. And before I forget, if one gives in to the compulsion and has the sex, um, it might not make the compulsion go away and it just might kick the compulsion into a higher gear – and I think I kinda understand this one a bit better and it goes something like this:

That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! See, we all “know” that “gay sex” is bad and all that… until one finds out that it isn’t. A lot of folks are of a mind that if they do the nasty like that, they’re going to instantly turn into some kind of flaming, flamboyant homosexual – then get the “shock of their lives” to discover that, after the fact, they’re still the same person they were before the fact… kinda. Not straight but not gay and it just wasn’t all that bad. Yeah, for some, the sex didn’t live up to expectations or as advertised and that can kill the compulsion… and it might not. I think some folks just kinda “go ahead and get it over and done with” and with the thought that once they do, the compulsion is going to be satisfied and it’s going to leave them alone going forward.

The truth is, I think, sometimes it does just that… but it’s rare that it’s one and done. It didn’t “kill” you, you didn’t instantly and immediately become “very, very gay” and, hmm, it really wasn’t all that bad and, damn it, why didn’t I do this before now? And the compulsion is kicked back and having a smoke and saying, “Okay, now you know… so when are we gonna do it again and, oh, yeah – you will do it again!”

And even if one doesn’t, the compulsion just never goes away. One can sit and think of every reason they can manage as to why they should never do this again… and it still makes perfectly good sense that they do while making perfectly good sense not to. Confused? So are a lot of people. Why? Still don’t know – still just know that this is how it works for a great many people.

I think that once one gets their minds freed from what they’ve been taught about all of this, it… unlocks something and now their ass is ready to follow and the path being followed also includes having the sex and, damn it, probably because it really does make sense to do it and more so when one’s intelligence has come to the conclusion that the reasons given for not having sex like this just isn’t the whole truth when it comes to having sex so… why the hell not? For some, well, they were already headed in this direction and out of curiosity… but I have no explanation for those folks who weren’t ever curious and were dead set against such behaviors in anyone… and now, here they are finding themselves dealing the the compulsion and their minds unlocked and freed because they’ve somehow managed to reason that not only is bisexuality a real thing, it just makes so much sense.

You don’t have to have the sex but I’ll admit that it is implied. A lot of people don’t have the sex… and an uncountable number of people do. I maintain that thinking and doing aren’t always the same things and if there are those out there who believe that if one is bisexual, they’re gonna have the sex that’s possible, well, they’re not all that wrong but they’re not entirely right, either. Some people just don’t need to do it like that and a lot of people can’t figure out how to get it done but, I dunno, it’s like for some, it doesn’t all completely fall into place until they actually have the sex and more so if/when the sex is found to be to their liking… and most people do, by the way.

It is about the sex… and it isn’t. Things just somehow come together and in a way that makes it feel so sensible and because there are a lot of things that get unlocked when we say, “Okay – I’m bisexual!” and things that seem to be lying in wait for this “revelation” to come to the surface. It doesn’t always surface but, whew, when it does?

Guess what happens? Sex is still one of the best ways to express emotions; bisexuality doesn’t just get you thinking in a different way, it gets you feeling in different ways and it just seems that when you add it all up – and not forgetting to carry the one – it just somehow makes all the sense in the world and one does tend to find themselves being compelled to, at the very least, what it’s like to have the sex.

And it’s really not as bad as it’s thought to be…

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Posted by on 5 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Would You…?”

There are two thing to this rather open-ended question. The first is something I’ve been asked and have asked myself: If I wasn’t already bisexual, would I eventually discover it? The second aspect is for those who aren’t bisexual and, simply, “Would you go that way?” or some other phrasing.

The first version, at least for myself, is one of those, “I dunno…” kind of things and one that’s moot because I already am and, as such, there’s no way for me to know if I would have discover bisexuality so my answer sounds… iffy: Maybe I would have and maybe not. And, no: Because I am doesn’t make answering that kind of question easy.

For the “Would you go that way?” version, yeah… funny thing about this because I know people who said that they’d never be like that… and then they’re like that and, of course, there are those who say never and wouldn’t go there if they had to in order to save their life. There are those who might, for some reason, have it on their mind and if they do, asking them if they’d actually go there get like asking me the first version of the question: I don’t know, maybe, and maybe not – it depends.

And it can depend on some stuff that, I think, isn’t all that easy to foresee. I know a lot of people who can actually list the things that might get them to go both ways and I think it speaks well of them because they have a pretty good understanding of themselves and their ability to apply the if/then/else formula in a theoretical way but, sometimes, in a way that speaks more to why they wouldn’t because in their minds, those conditional things aren’t likely to ever show up… as far as they know… and there’s no way for them to know.

Or, as I like to say, if they could see the future like that, let’s pick out some winning lottery numbers!

One of the reasons a lot of people have a “difficult” time trying to answer this question is that they don’t have a point of reference for it; they just might know about bisexuality in some way but that’s not the same as experiencing it – and what they may know of how someone else has experienced it, while helpful in theory, doesn’t really provide a good point of reference. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is this: If someone had told me that I’d go both ways, I would have told them they were crazy! Impossible!

Then there are those who are “100% sure” that they’d never go there and I do like to mess with them by asking, “How do you know you wouldn’t?” – but it is a valid question just the same since it speaks to what’s going on inside their head and what they think they know and believe. If they never do, well, they never do… but if they do? To say that they’re shocked doesn’t even come close to describing what it feels like to have, essentially, proven yourself wrong. Those who say never are quite confident and sure of themselves which isn’t a bad thing all by itself and they are quite adept at avoiding anything that might push them in that direction but they, too, can often lay down a list of seemingly impossible conditions that they are very damned sure will never fall into place.

Let’s not forget those folks who tried it and they didn’t like it; if you ask them if would do it again, they will tend to say something like, “When hell freezes over!” or, more realistically, they can’t imagine any situation that would get them to do it again. If they never do it again, no big deal but if they do, yep – shocked.

In this, there really is a reason to never say never. Okay; if someone rolled up on them and hit on them “right now,” their answer is going to be no or some form of “get the fuck outta my face with that shit!” What they don’t know is that, say, tomorrow? Things could just fall into place and their answer will, again, shockingly, be yes or, at the least, “Maybe – I need to think about this.”

If there’s a “correct” answer to this question, it’s, “I don’t know…” – and it’s okay to not know. You might be thinking, “Oh, but I do know!” and you’re right – you know that right this very moment… but what about tomorrow? Next week? Six months from now?


The other question that drives me a bit nutty is, “If you knew then what you know now, would you still be bisexual?” Well, um, based on what I know now I’d say… probably since I do know it now and it’s again pretty moot since I did get to know what I known now. I can see people who are late to the party being asked this question and, sometimes, hoo boy! They often express sentiments of “regret” that they didn’t get into it when they had the chance to early on and, yeah, that kinda makes sense given that they didn’t know then… but they do now so it’s kinda easy to “roll it back” as it were but that’s still kinda moot since, before the fact, they didn’t know what they now know.

Yeah… the question drives me a bit cray-cray. The first form of this question is, indeed, moot for anyone who is already bisexual and no matter when they became this way. The second form of this question is based upon that which someone believes and is just as iffy since, as stated, chances are good that they have no point of reference and knowing someone who is bi doesn’t really provide that point of reference because that’s someone else… and it’s not them. They believe they never would and it’s important for them to maintain that belief and, again, there’s really nothing wrong with that…

There was a time when I’d say that no one wakes up one morning and decides that today would be a good day to become bisexual… and I’ve had to recant that statement because, apparently, some people do just that. Sometimes it’s because they’ve been kinda/sorta heading in that direction to begin with and even if they weren’t all that aware that they were and for others, well, yeah – shit happens and it almost always happens when you least expect it and in ways you just never see coming.

“If you could go back and do it all over again, would you change anything?” Um, can you see me rolling my eyes? It’s a loaded and rhetorical question since you can’t go back and you can’t ever change something that has already happened… or make something happen that didn’t actually and factually happen. It is, strangely, a “good” question because it speaks to one’s frame of mind and judgement at the time… but it’s still rather moot. My answer? No; I wouldn’t change a thing and the reason why I wouldn’t is because I wouldn’t be the person I am right now if I changed anything… and I like who I am right now.

I think that asking questions like this – and a lot more I’ve not even mentioned – is just human nature; it’s us trying to understand some things about ourselves and others that’s not always so easy to understand given our ongoing mindset about sex and sexuality; the funny thing is that some of us really do try to answer them. It’s okay to say that you don’t know one way or the other and that “never say never” thing? Eh, yeah, I wouldn’t say that and more so when I’m pretty sure I can’t see into the future and while I have a good idea of how I want things to be going forward, that doesn’t mean that the future is going to unfold or otherwise reveal itself in the way I’d prefer it to do so.

Some folks say, “If it happens, it happens – I’ll deal with it then; but if it doesn’t, it just doesn’t!” and I think that this, too, is a good and valid answer to a question that is more likely to give you headaches than anything else. I can’t say that I would eventually discover bisexuality down the road since I’m already bisexual and the best I can do is to say, “Maybe… and maybe not.” Can someone say and with absolute certainty that they’d never be bisexual? Sure they can and chances are they’d be right about that… and chances are they’re going to be in for quite the shock to their system to, again, prove themselves wrong and more so when Mr. Murphy seems to have big fun making unexpected shit happen to those who say it’ll never happen to them.

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Posted by on 31 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Struggle

If there’s one thing that keeps circling the “drain” in my mind about bisexuality it’s why, in these days of heightened understanding about sexuality, there are so many who struggle with it. Those of you who follow and read have seen me write time and time again that it’s not like we, collectively, have no idea or clue that there are so many people who just aren’t straight. Even when I go back to the earlier days of my existence, we knew that not everyone was straight and, I’d say in my time, the war against homosexuality escalated and many lives were destroyed and lost because we wanted to believe and maintain a truth that, clearly, wasn’t all that true.

For us young, horny, and curious bisexuals of the early 1960s, we were this way despite all of the dire warnings and punishments and the angst was so prevalent that being called a faggot, queer, fairy, or sissy would either be fighting words or capable of sending someone running away in tears since the opinion of that time was that anyone who fit the general description was the worst motherfucker who could have ever been born. When I first became aware of the struggle, I didn’t understand it but I began to understand it when I’d run into someone who wanted to know what it was like to have sex boy to boy (or girl to girl) but they were sorely afraid of being called the aforementioned faggot, queer, fairy, sissy, or a bull dyke.

They weren’t so much afraid of the sex itself but no one wanted to bear the weight of those aforementioned labels. I remember a girl I knew who everyone was calling a dyke (but she really wasn’t totally into girls) and how she struggled with being called one, giving me a look at the struggle itself and thinking that she wouldn’t be struggling with this if she weren’t being made to struggle with it. As the saying goes, the struggle was real: Children were being disowned or otherwise shunned and other kids were being historically vicious and evil as they teased, taunted, and beat up any other kid they knew wasn’t straight or was rumored not to be.

Bisexuality was real, too – it just wasn’t getting what I’d call any serious attention; by and large, it was either a joke or a way to yank someone’s chain and in the not-so-good way. Any guy who appeared not to be interested in girls was automatically a faggot and, again, even if the accusation wasn’t true; any girl who was a tomboy or appeared not to be interested in boys was a lezzie dyke and just hated boys… and even if that accusation wasn’t true.

The struggle was a bitch to find pressing on you to find that you could be so very much hated for being something everyone kept saying no one should ever be… yet, even in those early times, so many of us weren’t straight and those of us who weren’t totally gay found ourselves being the butt-end of a lot of jokes because, even way back then, it was assumed that no one in their right mind would go both ways and since this was presumed to be a given, many of us got our first exposure to the black and white mindset that you were either straight – which was good – or you were gay – which was as bad as anyone could be.

But, again, there were many of us who were smack dab in the middle; it didn’t really matter why we were or how we got there: It’s where we found our sexual comfort zone and one that just worked but the struggle became more of an issue, not because of the wholesale hatred and prejudice going on but because of a kind of hypocrisy that was also becoming rather clear, well, to those of us who were of a mind to notice it and question it:

If this isn’t the way people are supposed to be, why are so many people not the way they’re supposed to be? Bisexuality comes with its own built-in struggle just by not really being straight or gay… but the struggle actually became… clearer because the source of it – religion – was, in our minds and especially in my own mind, was seriously off-base about this; people who weren’t straight were being made to struggle because of something that was supposedly written and because God said so and it wasn’t the truth of things. Even I wondered why everyone wanted to believe something that, like it or not, was being proven not to be the truth of things…

And it’s a question I still ask myself today as more and more bisexuals find themselves struggling with something that, truth be told, they shouldn’t be struggling with. They are made to struggle because of the fear others have about dying and going to hell for both sinning and disobeying God’s Word and Law. I remember someone telling me that because I wasn’t straight – and it didn’t matter to them that I wasn’t gay, either – that I was going to die and go burn in hell for all of eternity and instead of it pissing me off like it used to, I just said, “Probably… but I’m not going to be the only one and if that’s really true, ha, my reservation has been confirmed already so I’ll be in good company.”

Yes, indeed; I didn’t escape the attempts to have the struggle thrust upon me and, yeah, it doesn’t feel good to have people you knew turning their backs on you because you weren’t straight and then, because of their beliefs and, might I say, abject ignorance, they thought I was gay. It didn’t feel good to hear people saying some pretty awful things about anyone who wasn’t straight and that bisexuals were just as bad and wrong as those queer-assed homos; it’s one thing to know about man’s inhumanity to man… and pretty fucked up to find yourself being subjected to that inhumanity and, again, over something that, as my observations and investigations were proving, wasn’t the whole truth of things.

I just got to a point where I realized that no one could make me struggle with my sexuality unless I allowed it; they could say whatever they wanted to and they could turn their backs on me all they wanted to but the only way any of this was really and seriously going to fuck with me is if I allowed it to fuck with me… so I didn’t allow it. I realized that people could say whatever they wanted to and, yeah, if they were of a mind to do something about it – and I’m talking violence – well, let’s just say that I knew I wouldn’t be the only one getting their ass kicked… and none of it would or could change the fact that I’m neither straight nor gay – I’m both:

I’m bisexual. The good thing, as I saw it, were that there were many others like me who took this stand and refused to get dragged into the struggle and one that just did not make any sense; the bad thing was that many more were being made to struggle and it seemed to me that the more homosexuals were making their case to be treated to the same human rights as everyone else had, the more pressure the struggle was bringing to bear and I still couldn’t see the sense of it and more so when I started digging around to find out why it was said and demanded that everyone be straight and when I figured it out, I was stunned but, at the same time, hmm, okay, that actually makes sense when you think about the way the world was in those very ancient times.

Babies. Reproduction. The perpetuation of the species. They knew, way back then, if boy/boy and girl/girl sex was happening, babies weren’t being born and, yeah – there weren’t that many humans around so the rules – and I say it grudgingly – made sense and made even more sense to back it up by instilling great fear for one’s eternal soul for noncompliance to the edict. At first, I actually didn’t believe that this was the reason but the more I dug – and, um, the more trouble I got into talking to ministers of faith about this, well, nothing else made sense and more so when God told Adam and Eve, when He evicted them from the Garden of Eden, “Go ye forth and multiply…” and, yeah… only one way to do that.

Except, as it turns out, a lot of those very early humans weren’t all that interested in multiplying so much and discovered that sex just wasn’t for reproduction; not only was having sex fun but ya didn’t have to do it in the way they said it had to be done… then Onan did what he did and it was interpreted that masturbation was a sin… but that wasn’t the sin he committed but, yeah – that explained why those of us who discovered masturbation would get our heads handed to us for indulging in a sin that wasn’t a sin. And the thing that stood out to me was that despite the morality; despite all the doom and gloom surrounding not being heterosexual and doing things the way God said they were to be done, people were still not being straight or all that straight.

People struggle with their sexuality because they’re made to struggle with it because of something that was written that’s not only not the whole truth of things but for reasons that, here in 2020 (and, actually way before now) that no longer exists since we figured out how to have babies without having to have sex – and maybe you’ll remember how a lot of people lost their ever-loving minds when the first “test tube baby” was born and if you don’t, I do – one thing to know the history of this, another thing to have been there as history was being made.

The fucked up thing? We still are made to struggle over not being heterosexual; we continue to hold true to a standard of existence that has been… defied all along. The hypocrisy says that you have the right to live your life any way you want to or can… as long as you live it the way you’re told to and that means your horny ass had better be straight and no excuses or exceptions for not being this was will not be accepted or tolerated and, yeah, you’re still gonna die and go to hell.

The struggle remains very real because we still believe in something that has been proven over all of this time not to be the whole truth of things. And we know this. And we still continue to struggle with it. Bisexuals, in particular, don’t really struggle with being bisexual so much: The struggle with what other people are gonna “kick their ass” about for not being straight and on top of the continued misconception and, dare I say, ignorance, that if you’re not straight – and you go both ways – that means you’re really a homosexual.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Okay… the disease card. On the whole, this has been a part of human nature as anything else is and, these days, this is being hyped to the point where I know of some guys who believe that if they even touch another man’s cock, they’re gonna catch something and die a horrible death. The people who are still so steadfastly against anything that even remotely resembles not being heterosexual continue to bring all the doom and gloom they can think of and making people succumb and submit to the struggle even though, forever and ever, they know that there’s no real truth to what they think and/or believe. All manners of horror stories about not being and remaining straight abound – nothing new about this at all… pretty “strange” that people still believe them as much as they do just as we continue to believe that if it went badly for someone, it’s going to go badly for them, too… and without giving a single thought to the fact that sex, in and of itself, doesn’t always go as swimmingly as we all have been led to believe… and untold numbers of very straight folks can bear witness to this.

We just don’t talk about that one so much because it doesn’t serve the purpose of the struggle to speak about the truths. It’s not so much that any of us don’t have reason to be fearful of not being straight: It’s that we are being made to be afraid even when we know more about human sexuality now than we ever had at any other time in our existence. Not the way it’s supposed to be and we maintain and insist that this is still the only truth when, again, it’s been proven over all of this time not to be the only truth.

The struggle remains real because it’s fairly difficult to change that which people believe and especially a belief that has continued to be passed on over all of the many generations. Make no mistake in this: People do wind up having their belief in these things changed but it’s also well-known that change is notoriously slow and something that humans, generally speaking, aren’t fond of and tend to be resistant to. Since the war against homosexuality crashed and burned, shit… I guess there’s nothing to be done about the aspect of the human condition that says we just ain’t being human if we don’t have something to bitch about and in the area of sexuality, it’s bisexuals who are having a bull’s eye painted on them and, as you know, there’s so much riffing and shit going on that only serves to keep the struggle alive and as well as it can be.

Except, um, hmm: As invasive and persistent as the struggle has become these days, it’s still not stopping people from being bisexual. If it’s done anything, it’s done what it did for homosexuality: Driving it underground and, shit, making a lot of people into… liars of a kind because even in the here and now, bisexuals do not really want to be – or keep being – lumped in with homosexuals. Not that there’s anything wrong with being homosexual because there really isn’t… but a lot of people still think and believe it’s wrong and they have no problem letting anyone who cares to listen to why they continue to believe that it’s morally fucked up to be anything other than heterosexual.

Bisexuals aren’t so much afraid of the sex itself although, yeah, it can be pretty scary since it’s sex in a way that one may have heard about but it’s always a different thing when it’s them being in that moment of truth. What they are very afraid of is and, at least from where I’ve been sitting, what someone else is going to say or even do if it is discovered that, holy shit – not only are they not straight, they’re not really gay, either. It just fucking amazes me at how blind we’ve been made to be and to the point where we still believe that there’s absolutely nothing between straight and gay and that there shouldn’t be – and even when the Drs. Kinsey – and about a year or so before I was born – let it be known that there is something between being straight and gay.

We know it as bisexuality. We are only now getting our heads around the fluidity of human sexuality, well, better than we did compared to how we thought about things in the 1960s… and despite our “newly found” enlightenment, the struggle continues but maybe not as… vigorous as before. The struggle… struggles to stay alive and to the extent that it is very much believed that all of the angst against bisexuality is coming from those who are “rabidly” heterosexual… and it isn’t. To be sure, there are heterosexuals who are staunch believers in the way it’s supposed to be but a lot of the angst is coming from some member of the sexual community who, themselves, aren’t straight.

The struggle continues to exist and plague people because of that which we believe and bisexuals have the unenviable position of being caught in the middle of two different – but strangely similar – schools of thought and, for the most part, bisexuals are being made to struggle because we’ve adopted both schools of thought… but not just one of them exclusively. You’ve heard of the stereotypes about being greedy and confused; about being serial cheaters who can’t commit to relationships or just be happy with whatever sex and/or emotional succor that’s already available. Many bisexuals are “just now” being subjected to this and it is truly fucking with their heads while “old heads” like me are sitting back and rolling our eyes because this ain’t new at all; I grew up hearing this even when it was more aimed at those damned gay people.

We have learned much… and haven’t learned a damned thing. The good part is that many bisexuals aren’t allowing the struggle to fuck with them and the bad part, of course, is so many bisexuals – and folks who feel, think, and believe that bisexuality is the thing that will make them right with themselves – are letting themselves get caught up in the struggle and one that is designed to not allow them to be the kind of person they know they must be. I read on Twitter that there are those who say that if you don’t acknowledge the fact that biphobia, as well as bisexual erasure, isn’t a real thing, well, you’re part of the problem… and I call bullshit on that because, these days, there isn’t a bisexual who isn’t aware of these things…

There are just some of us who ain’t of a mind to be caught up in the dumb shit driving these things. As I said when I first learned about erasure, you can’t erase me and you can’t erase the fact that I know that I’m bisexual – and I’ve been bisexual way longer than a lot of the people who are pitching a bitch about bisexuals being invisible and all that rot. Just because you don’t or can’t see us does not ever mean that we don’t exist. And there are bisexuals who believe that they can be erased and they, too, have succumbed to what has always been humanity’s black eye: The fear of the other or, if you’re not like us, you’re against us. Tribal. Primative. Contentious. What it means to be human. We know that we shouldn’t be this way and that it serves humanity no real purpose but, yep – it’s the way we still are about a lot of things and sexuality is right there at the top of the list of things we get very pissy about.

The good thing, I think, is that the morally righteous lost the war against homosexuality and they will lose the war against bisexuality, not that they were winning it in the first place, mind you. The bad thing, I know, is that the struggle remains very damned real for a great many people and, nope, once you get caught up in the struggle, it’s not really that easy to get away from it… but it can be done. I did it and a damned long time ago… and I’m not the only one who managed to divorce themselves from the insanity of the struggle. The only person who can do anything about my bisexuality is… me. I run shit here; this is my life and it’s how I want to go about doing things and if you don’t like it or don’t believe in it, that’s not only not my problem but you’re not going to make it my problem and, as such, drag me into the struggle. Not gonna happen; not because I’m… stubborn but because I know the truth: Being just straight or just gay has never been the only ways to be.

History itself – and even when it’s been lost, changed, and even erased – bears this out. It is just as both bi- and homosexuals have been saying: If God didn’t want me to be the way I am, I wouldn’t be the way I am. And I almost hate to say it but, um, God isn’t the one who got us started with this – we just say He did – and we believe it. Mankind said this. Wrote it. Insisted it was God’s Word. I’m not blaspheming or anything like that but it begs the question: If God gave us free will – and even reluctantly – why would He even care about how we like to have sex and be emotionally comfited?

The kind of questions that tend to seriously piss a lot of people off because, if nothing else, they challenge that which they believe and no matter why they believe it or came to. Homosexuality rocked the boat big time; bisexuality is about to sink the whole damned boat because the tenets of hetero- and homosexuality are being proven to not be the whole truth when it comes to human sexuality… but we always knew that – we just chose not to believe it.

And no one likes having their beliefs challenged and, worse, proven to be not wrong but incorrect. Invalidated and that includes everything that religion has always said about not being heterosexual. And we struggle with this and it actually kind makes sense that we do to find out that what we believed with all of our heart and soul just isn’t the whole truth. It just pisses us off and there’s always a price to be paid for pissing someone off and more so when you have the nerve to question their beliefs and insist that, nope – what you believe just never has been the whole truth of things.

Homosexuality had their great struggle and even it isn’t totally and completely free and clear of the struggle… and now bisexuality is having its great struggle and proof, again, that we have learned nothing while learning more than we’ve ever known before about human sexuality. That’s the struggle and, yes, what I’ve learned about it and, no, it’s not just what I think or what I believe because I’m not the only one who has learned this and there are people who are, even in the moment that you’re reading this, are learning that they’ve been struggling with their sexuality and they really didn’t have to and the reason why they’re struggling with it is because of the fear others have and their continued belief in something that, forever and ever, has never been 100% the truth of things.

The truth is that humans are very damned sexual and we can be just for the fun of it and everything we’ve been made to believe has gone out of its way to deny this and to shame the shit out of anyone who dares to give in to their basal and primal desires for sex – and regardless to sexuality. And, hell, no: You don’t have to believe a word of what I’ve written but, ah, ask yourself a question and one that happens to be a question I asked myself a long time ago: Why does the Catholic Church, in particular, have rules against any form of contraception? There’s a reason why they do and it used to be a damned good reason, believe it or not. Once upon a time – and as I understand it – one could be excommunicated for breaking the edict against contraception – not a good thing.

I’m just one of the many people who dared to ask, “Why?” And got my ass in some very hot water for asking. The struggle is real because, well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be and if you’re not with us, you’re against us… and I don’t know about any other bisexual or any other “sexual” but I’m quite okay being against the way it’s supposed to be…. and I’m not the only one and what scares so many people these days?

As John Cena’s tagline goes, “You can’t see me!” and for many of us, we don’t want to be seen because, if nothing else, it’s none of your damned business how we’re having sex and who we’re having it with; sex is supposed to be private and do we not have the right to keep our sexual proclivities an activities private? Yeah, we do, don’t we? The struggle doesn’t get to be a problem until someone tries to make it your problem and if you let them make it your problem, well, welcome to the struggle and I’m sure you’re not going to enjoy it one bit.

And as proven by the many people who at this very moment are struggling with being bisexual.

And I am still the very bisexual guy who has the nerve to say something about any or all of this. The struggle isn’t accepting this about yourself; it’s not even doing something about it although, yeah, that ain’t the walk in the park many believe it should be. The struggle is external – it comes from what others believe or, in this, don’t, can’t, or even want to believe. It’s what they think; what they believe and many who believe don’t even know why they believe it other than having been told that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be… and God said so.

And we continue to prove that we can’t handle the truth. We know the nature of the beast we are and, nope, can’t handle it. The truth is that for whatever reasons suits our purpose in life, we can be whatever kind of sexual we want and need to be and, yeah – we can change our mind about that if we want and need to. It’s just that we’ve never been on the same page about it and still engage in that very primative behavior that says if you’re not like or with us, you’re against us…

And we will find a way to deal with your fucked up asses and keep trying to even when nothing that has been done to date has changed anything. One of the ultimate acts of futility we stubbornly keep going. You can’t stop human sexuality; words haven’t stopped it and the many acts of violence that have taken place all along has failed to stop it. We know it; we’ve always known it.

We have learned nothing from our failures in trying to stop it.

Thus endeth the rant that really isn’t a rant; it just a truth that many of us refuse to accept that that refusal gives the struggle life to keep fucking with us. If you don’t believe me, you don’t have to and if you don’t, it doesn’t change anything. I’m bisexual. I’m not the only one who is. All anyone can do is not like it, not believe in it, whatever… and it still changes nothing since – and maybe you feel that this is exaggerated (and it isn’t) when I say that even as you read this – and if you bothered to read it – someone is finding out that they’re bisexual and, hmm, it’s not as bad as it’s said to be.

And chances are good that they, too, will get caught and bound up by the struggle.

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Posted by on 28 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Biggest Problem

For damned near all of my life, I sit… and think… and observe. Bisexuality has fascinated me from the moment it came into my life – and, this time, I’ll go with the pun! – and the what of it was easy and obvious but the why of it was unknown and it plagued me greatly because, in those very early days of discovery, I just didn’t know why something that was said to be so bad felt so good.

I’ve learned a lot, both via experience as well as reading all there was to be read about sex and sexuality and, of course, interacting with others sexually and intellectually. At any given time, there’s a part of my mind that no matter what I’m doing keeps asking why things are the way they are in this. Why are a lot of people so afraid of this aspect of sex and sexuality and if I were to be able to narrow all the information I’ve gathered down to a few bullet points, what’s the biggest problem bisexuals face?

It’s not social acceptance; it’s not really that “mortal fear” of catching something nasty. The fear of being discovered and/or outed is a big one – but not, I think, the biggest one – in my mind, this one is #3 on the list. Number two on the list is not having someone to talk to about this which ties right into the number one and biggest problem:

Finding someone to be bisexual with or, more to the point, someone to have sex with and on the other side of the fence. Ever since there were forums for discussing sex and sexuality, the one persistent question being asked has always been, “Why can’t I find someone I can do this with?” It put the question into my head of, “Well, why can’t you find someone you can do this with?” because even without the Internet, being able to run into someone who just might be just as eager, agreeable, and horny wasn’t really all that difficult if you, for the moment, exclude the angst over homosexuality; absent this, there were – and still are – a great many people who are sitting around and wanting to take the plunge for the first time or to dive back in for the first time in a long time… but making themselves available?

Yeah… let’s not and say we did.

I pour over the dynamic and compare then and now and as seen from my perspective while tying in everything else I’ve learned about this. I am really and seriously not joking or kidding when I say that, in earlier times, getting into some same-sex action was as easy as one person turning to the other person and asking, “Hey, have you ever done it with a boy/girl before?” and/or “Hey, do you wanna do it with me?” Three potential answers: No – that’s nasty! Then, “Okay, if you want to…” and finally, “Maybe – I don’t know.” Of course, those three possible responses depended on how someone would respond to them but you get the general idea, I hope.

It was just too easy because even if you didn’t know who you could ask, it was a sure bet that someone was gonna ask you and if you really wanted to have sex this way, the only questions remaining were when and where? What was kinda/sorta important but, eh, we can talk about that while we’re trying to figure out where we can go so we can do it and even then, the negotiations were kinda easy and there wasn’t much fuss over someone not doing a thing and even if they had something they didn’t want to do, many were open to giving it a try; the usual “I don’t know about that” thing was fucking (for the guys) because, as everyone knew, it really hurts going in but, then again, almost everyone sucked dick so even if fucking was off the table, well, you know.

And the only real concern was not getting caught in the act or, since this was a secret, there were people that you’d rather not want to find out that you had sex this way. Still, finding someone to have sex with was labor-intensive but not all that difficult… comparatively speaking. It was true that, provided you were old enough, you could walk into a gay bar in your birthday suit and no one would pay you one bit of attention except maybe to ask you what you wanted to drink. Or you could walk into a bar that wasn’t known to be a gay bar and someone would invariably hit on you and even if you weren’t looking for someone to have sex with. You could be almost anywhere and there was a great possibility that someone would get your attention and now you’re thinking about how to approach them to start a conversation or, if you were somewhere and minding your own business, someone would stroll up to you and strike up a conversation and either start dropping hints or, if they were bold enough, pop the question to you.

As time moved on, the question of “who can I find to do this with” remained at the top of the list and I’ll tell you what I found to be funny – in that ironic way – about this: I could be talking to a guy about this and reveal that I’m not against playing with a dick… and the guy I’m talking to would be going on and on about not being able to find another guy to have some kind of sex with…

And I wanted – needed – to find out why. The dynamic was moving away from its more simpler aspects: If you wanted to and I wanted to, well, let’s go do it. Guys, and I’d guess by association if nothing else, gals, were looking for a specific kind of person to be “really freaky” with. It wasn’t that there weren’t plenty of people who would be agreeable to sex in this way – it was now a question of who you could trust not to take you to bed and then go tell everyone who’d listen that they had you like that. Romantic interests weren’t that prevalent unless you ran into a gay person and sometimes not even then; some gay folks aren’t any different from anyone else: Sometimes, all they want to do is get laid and nothing more than that.

I’d hear a lot of both men and women talk about their desire and need to do this and how many times someone hit on them or tried to pick them up and sometimes how they’d learn that this one person they knew had the hots for them and had ever since they first met… but nothing would happen even though most of them were still waiting to be able to throw it down like this.

Why wouldn’t they engage? I was learning much about the other fears and I even understood that those fears, in and of themselves, were normal and to be expected even among the more experienced folks: Yes, they wanted to have sex but, more often than not, were too afraid of someone else finding out about it. Discretion fairly leaped to a higher level: It went from “I won’t tell if you won’t” to someone else finding out – and someone who wasn’t supposed to know – becoming almost a life or death kind of thing. Because I was hearing so much about what made people afraid in this, I was of a mind to downgrade not being able to find someone from it’s #1 position to somewhere further down the list because it wasn’t so much a thing of not being able to find someone but not being able to trust them.

And that trust extended to, even for guys, not wanting to be treated like a mere piece of ass. It was becoming clear to me that the people I heard complaining about not being able to find someone they could have sex with like this were creating long lists of conditions and qualifications and while there were still those who were out there hunting and being hunted, offers of sex were being rejected right and left because the person offering it didn’t meet the required and mandatory criteria, from body type to even more, ah, very detailed specifications. Somewhere around the 1990s, I had asked myself if it was my imagination or are people really doing their level best not to have the sex they want in this… and complaining about not being able to have sex like this?

Of course, by this time, HIV/AIDS was running rampant but, truth be told, it really wasn’t stopping anyone from having sex like this – it did make people a lot more cautious, though. You could still find someone… or they could find you and now it was a question of being “D&D free,” as the term emerged – drug and disease free. But the virus put a lot of fear into people and justifiably so and to the point where trust wasn’t so easily given or gained – and even with those one just might have known would be down like this.

So was not being able to find someone really the #1 and biggest problem? I would sit and peel this whole thing like the biggest onion ever and what I was beginning to see in those many layers was that, yeah – finding someone was still the biggest problem but the other layers were revealing that the person one would want to be able to find had to meet some very exacting criteria and specifications and even if they – and including themselves – could prove that they were D&D free by providing lab results… but that meant going to the doctor or to a clinic and asking to be tested for all known STIs and STDs… which meant that someone else would easily put two and two together and figure out why this specific testing was being created and despite doctor/patient confidentiality, everyone they knew was going to find out that they were getting some dick or getting some pussy in the way we’re not supposed to be getting it… but there came that one moment when HIV had been discovered to be not so much sexually transmitted and as evidenced by that married couple who both tested positive for HIV but neither of them had had sex outside of the marriage and sure as hell didn’t have sex in the same-sex mode.

Anyone could get it and in ways that, until this came along, from sources that were trustworthy and as simple as donating blood or going to the dentist or having some kind of surgical procedure done. It increased the health risk… but that didn’t mean that there still weren’t a slew of people out there looking to have sex in the same-sex way of things… because they’d always been out there and finding one of them became more of a trust issue and discretion, oddly enough, became even more paramount. The health thing was easily mitigated and minimized as condom usage skyrocketed and oral dams appeared on the scene. So it wasn’t like there weren’t preventative measures available because there were – and still are… but people were still going on about not being able to find someone to have the kind of sex they craved.

One of the things I learned along the way had to do with being able to sell something to someone and the trick of it was to be able to take whatever reason why a customer didn’t want to buy something and just get rid of it and my favorite was, “Well, I would but I need to talk to my wife/husband first…” and the keen salesman would say, “You can use my phone over here to call them and I’ll even talk to them for you!”

It is very damned effective; when you can counter someone’s objections in this way, chance are good that you’re gonna make the sale but, yeah – sometimes – not all objections could be made to disappear… and bisexuals looking for someone to have sex with could have all of their objections and resistance whittled away… and still not engage even when, at least on the surface, they no longer had a reason not to get naked and do the nasty in the way they wanted to.

It was very clear to me that “I can’t find anyone to do it with!” was a lot more complicated and, again, it made me wonder if people were deliberately making it damned near impossible for them to do what they wanted to do. There were still those fears and with being outed and catching something often exchanging places as far as priorities went but did that mean that there was really no one out there they could have sex with… or was there something else going on? Come to find out that there really wasn’t anything else going on other than a greatly increased sense of “self-preservation” when it came to not letting anyone else find out that they were having sex against the rules and I’m not even talking about infidelity at this point.

The specter of being fingered – no pun this time – as being gay was still hanging around and, admittedly, while gays were publicly fighting the good fight for their right to their human rights, well, yeah – they weren’t exactly doing bisexuals any favors. We were being driven further underground and while many were not of a mind to stick their heads up and get noticed, it wasn’t as if those who were looking to have sex like this couldn’t figure out how to get it done… as long as they didn’t get caught and/or outed. It still wasn’t a matter of not being able to find someone… it was now becoming a matter of finding the “right” someone. Not only the right someone but under some very specific “qualifications,” conditions, situations, and even scenarios.

I got to thinking, “No wonder so many people are whining about not being able to find someone… because the person they have in mind seems to only exist in their mind or they haven’t been born yet or they’re somewhere else in the world!” Then I was observing a whole lot of people speaking to how badly they needed to be sexually active in this way… and many of them were doing nothing toward making it happen. I learned that one of the favorite groups of preferred same-sex partners were… married people but even I knew that the worst possible situation was being bisexual and married and, yep, who doesn’t know that one of the raps against bisexuals is that they’re serial cheaters? Lots of angst about infidelity but even with this, it did not mean that there wasn’t someone out there who wasn’t interested in doing the deed and even on the DL.

I would be seeing people start to speak more about why they couldn’t – or wouldn’t – do what they also said they very much wanted to do but not be of a mind to talk about how they could make it happen for themselves. I’m not suggesting that those in a relationship just go out there and cheat on their partners but I’m the guy who will tell you that people do it and for this reason alone… and there’s even some funny stuff about this: There are some folks who really believe that if you have sex with someone who’s the same sex as you are and outside of the relationship, it’s not really cheating.

This finding someone thing was now horribly complicated and, again, more of that very odd thing where many folks would speak to their need to be bisexual and even sexually active in this way… but coming up with every reason they could think of – real or imagined – for why they shouldn’t, wouldn’t, and couldn’t. The thought crossed my mind that if it’s really true that bisexuals tend to suffer from depression “more than anyone else,” – and I don’t think it’s the whole truth of things – it’s not because social things were responsible but because of the fear of being outed and seen as being gay and otherwise convincing themselves that it is just too impossible for them to do what every part of their very being has been screaming at them to do. It is very depressing to want to be able to do something and not be able to do it… and even more depressing when you create the environment which adds to the chance of being very depressed.

I’d never say that the people who are going on about not being able to find someone aren’t justified where their reasons for not doing what they want to do is concerned because they are and whatever concerns them is very real to them even if no one else thinks so. Someone can sit down and offer up in exacting detail all of the reasons why they can’t go get the pussy/dick they need in this… but very few of them can tell you what, if anything, they can do toward this goal or to answer a question I often ask them: “Well, what can you do about it… and are you even trying?” If there’s something that I’ve found to be true, it’s something someone once told me: If it’s something you really want and need to do, you’ll find a way to do it.

And what I’m learning these days is that some folks really are making this harder than it has to be; not without reason, mind you, but go back to that thing I mentioned about removing any or all obstacles in order to make the sale and some folks can’t find someone they can do this with, not because there’s no one out there, but because they really do make it damned near impossible for them to do it, that and many are sitting on their asses and doing absolutely nothing – and waiting for that very right person just to show up and give them that thrill of a lifetime and in the exact and precise way they’ve imagined it to be.

So the biggest and #1 problem really isn’t not being able to find someone to do this with: It’s not wanting to do the work that’s required to find that someone or, really, anyone. Again, it’s not that folks in this quandary don’t have legitimate reasons for remaining on the bench… but if you knew about those reason like I know about them – because I see them every day – maybe you’d ask them, “Well, what are you doing about it?” because a lot of their reasons can be resolved and that includes those people already in a relationship; they think it can’t be done (and shouldn’t be done) but I’m here to tell you that it can be done because a whole lot of people are doing it.

I am learning that once someone convinces themselves that it can’t be done, you’re just not going to be able to change their mind about it: This is, once again, the “Yeah, but…” portion of the program. Many of the people who say they can’t find someone have issues with casual sex and they require a setting where there is only relationship-like sex; many have a great fear of “the stranger” and I get that… except the stranger is only a stranger because you don’t know anything about them and, yeah, that’s just too much trouble for many to be bothered with. I mean, shit: Once upon a time, the people you know now were once strangers to you (excluding family members).

The dynamic has made a dramatic shift from being about the sex to being about much more than that… and I’m not really surprised by this turn of events but, yeah, it baffles me at times because while there are a growing number of “relationship-minded” bisexuals out there, there is still a great many people who are not relationship-minded; they, too, want to do the nasty with someone and they are, indeed, safe and discreet enough to do it and there’s no evil intent at all. But many of the “I can’t find anyone” gang has managed to convince themselves that if they have a casual hookup, not only is it fucked up but they’re instantly going to be infected with all manners of diseases and, as such, they’ve convinced themselves that they will be safer doing things in a relationship mode or way… and they’re wrong about that and because, as I point out to some guys, do you really know where your FWB’s dick has been when it’s out of your sight?

There’s a greater push and demand for exclusivity and I don’t think that, at the root of it, the disease card has a whole lot to do with this… but the “one man/one woman” mandate has a lot to do with it although, oddly enough, folks who are in a relationship and looking to take a trip to the other side sees the sense in not looking at things in this way; a guy or a gal can be very married or otherwise hooked up with someone and to have sex with someone else is an exception to the rule if involved with a single person and even more of an exception if they, too, are in a relationship. In actuality, exclusivity is a non-issue but still seen as a requirement; “Joe” can get a pass for having sex with his wife… but he’d better not be having sex with other men.

People are losing their minds about not being able to find someone because they are, in fact, making it almost impossible to do just that. Instead of them looking at why they’ve not had sex this way and then sit down and figure out how to make it happen, they seem to be content to just keep creating reasons for why they can’t and, again, whether they’re real or it’s their imagination going bat-shit crazy over it all. True enough, there are a lot of people who just aren’t looking to get their cookies handed to them in this way; they’re happy and content to know that they’re bisexual and none of the sex is required and just talking about it works for them.

And I’m not talking about them. It’s all those people who aren’t doing what they want to do and because, according to them, there’s no one to do it with. Sure… one might not want to jump all over the first proposition presented to them and it is prudent to, at the least, know something about the person trying to get into your underwear/panties which has the effect of removing spontaneity from the equation. They go on and on about chemistry and attraction and more than I’ve ever heard at any other time and, please, don’t get me wrong but I really do understand how important these aspects are to people but as I’ve been saying to a lot of people who can’t find someone, you don’t have to be “in love” with them or anything like that: You just have to find a way to like them enough to have sex with them and, really, if you’re not going to do anything to help yourself in this very worthy cause, is there a point in complaining about it?

Is it really a thing of not being able to find anyone… or more of a thing of not wanting to find someone? It’s a this point where I feel compelled to explain why I’m even writing about this:

Bisexuality has become such a hot button topic of discussion; lots of people are all caught up in the “drama” of acceptance and, I’d say, “needlessly” trying to define what they think bisexuality “really” is. If people aren’t losing their minds in this way, they’re most certainly losing them over the obvious fact that some of the sex a bisexual can have is, in fact, in deed, and hands down homosexual sex and I don’t care how one cares to spin it – that’s what it is – but, okay, we are still dealing with the specter of the angst toward homosexuality and in any form. But even with all of this going on and being talked about, few people ever talk about why things are the way they are, from why people are turning to bisexuality and what are the problems and issues for why people are turning to bisexuality and, apparently, having such a hard time finding someone to be bisexual with.

Tons of apps and websites for this for both men and women and the biggest complaint here is all the fakes and flakes that pervade these sources and constant gripes about people not being willing to meet or agreeing to meet and then doing a no-show/no-call thing. I really don’t know what they’re thinking about this but if they thought that it was really that easy these days, they are really and truly mistaken than and there has always been this kind of… mindset that if “Joe” is willing to do something, then everyone Joe might contact is also willing to do something and there is absolutely, positively no reason or excuse not to get together and get naked, sweaty, and funky.

The truth is that there are a lot of very willing and decent people… if you’re gonna be of a mind to take the time to sort through what’s available and, yeah, do enough due diligence to weed out the flakes, fakes, and others who might not be your idea of the right person to get your freak on with. Even those who complain about the cluster fuck apps and websites present ask about other ways to find someone and I don’t know about them but there’s only one other way: Get out there and look and, yeah, get out there so you can be seen. I get it – we can be weirded out about someone coming over to us and hitting on us but if you wanted to know how to find someone, well, if someone has hit on you, did you not just find someone and all you had to do was be where they could see you? Hell… even I expect to be eyeballed and maybe even approached every time I leave my home.

You just never know who’s gonna be interested in you or who you might find interesting. Guys – and probably more than the ladies, I guess – always want to know how to, one, tell if a guy might be interested or, two, what kind of signs they should be looking for or giving and I can understand that… except, um, in order to pick up on some signs or be in a position to give them, you gotta be somewhere – damned near anywhere – in order to see what’s going on. The pandemic notwithstanding, if you’re looking for someone to do the deed with and you are not doing anything – and I do mean anything – toward finding someone or someone finding you…

What the hell are you bitching about… and why are you bitching? If you’ve set the bar so high that no one can reach it, guess what’s never going to happen? If you let your fears run the show – and fears that can be dealt with in some way so as not to be so fearful – you aren’t going to find anyone, they aren’t gonna find you, and you’re never going to get the sex you want being bisexual. I have three criteria: Be old enough to legally consent to sex, be clean and healthy, and not be my idea of an asshole. Otherwise, let’s talk and part of my idea of being an asshole includes not wanting to take the time to talk to me; if you don’t have the time to get to know even a little about me – and tell me some stuff about yourself – you don’t have the time to be trying to get me to play with your dick. Oh – and don’t try to bullshit me because, well, that’s been tried before and it fails; this ain’t my first rodeo, after all, and I can play that game as well as or better than other guys can because, lest you forget, I am a guy, too.

I share this with others and they do the “Yeah, but…” thing a lot because, I dunno, they just have it in their head to make it harder to have sex than to make it easier for that to happen and, no, I haven’t gathered enough information to say why a lot of people are like this. Thus, they can’t find someone because they make it hard to find someone and this remains, at least for now, the biggest problem with being bisexual but it’s a problem that, like an onion, has a lot of layers that surround its core.

With all that I’ve learned, I’m still learning and, honesty, what I’m learning is both encouraging in that more and more people are of a mind to be bisexual and “disappointing” because more and more people aren’t doing what can be done to make their dreams, hopes, and even fantasies become reality.

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Posted by on 15 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Case of Society vs Bisexuality…

…it is my heart-felt thought and opinion that society is losing which, honestly, doesn’t surprise me one bit since its epic failure to eradicate homosexuality is pretty damned obvious. We go on and on about what bisexuality is and how it’s supposed to be and look like and many have morphed the definition of bisexuality to fit their own sensibilities and on the topic of coming out, well, the jury’s still very much out on that one.

Society is losing their case against bisexuality because it hasn’t yet learned that people are going to have sex or otherwise be intimate with each other and no matter what restrictions and prohibitions are in place to prevent them from doing whatever they wanna do and whomever they wanna do it with. Indeed, the best society can do in presenting their case is to rehash a lot of the same oratory it used in their attempt to eradicate homosexuality.

Many feel that our morality – and as it currently exists – is being destroyed and the, ah, more religiously inclined are pretty much soiling themselves as more and more people become of a mind to not give a lot of weight to what’s being preached at the altar; it’s not to say that anyone isn’t without faith or belief in a higher power… they’re just not buying what the preacher man has to say about sex and sexuality; that and it’s clear and obvious that it continually and consistently fails to stop people from doing what they need to do in this.

I wrote, a few days ago, about the push for more social acceptance of bisexuality while also pointing out that people are being – and becoming – bisexual without that acceptance many feel is so very necessary and there’s nothing new about this but, as I’ve said, I have the advantage of having been very damned bisexual and way before any of this controversial crap showed up. We had two things that were of importance to us: I won’t tell if you won’t and don’t get caught. Lots of riffing these days about bisexuals being invisible but I’m not sure if the people who are riffing about this really understand why bisexuals are flying far under the radar… and the answer is actually simple and, if folks had been paying attention to history, they’d know the answer:

The great angst against homosexuality drove bisexuality into the realm of shadows. In the days of my youth, to be called a queer was absolutely, positively, not a good thing; even being falsely accused of being queer was character assassination of the highest order and traumatizing, both emotionally and physically since, yeah – calling someone a queer was fighting words… and even if the person being tagged as queer was, in fact, queer as a three-dollar bill (and as we used to say back then).

When I became aware of the fact that bisexuals were some homosexual’s “favorite food,” well, things didn’t always go as well as the gay folks had hoped since many of them were looking for lovers and even partners… but expecting bisexuals to give up their heterosexual side to be wholly homosexual… and a lot of bisexuals weren’t even trying to hear any of that so if you’re wondering where all that shit about bisexuals being confused, liars and cheaters, and being unable to commit to one person, well, let’s just say it wasn’t a sentiment fostered by straight folks so much.

You add this on to the then-ongoing battle against homosexuality and it should surprise no one that bisexuals, out of necessity, took things to the DL for what I feel are two reasons. One was to dodge being mislabeled as being gay… and the other was, simply, it wasn’t anyone else’s business who they were having sex with and how they were doing it. True enough; the homosexual angst made a lot of bisexuals literally straighten up and given the amount of shit – and some of it very bad and fatal – homosexuals were going through but for many more bisexuals, well, all that shit wasn’t going to stop or prevent them from being the kind of person they needed to be and it sure as hell wasn’t going to stop them from having sex.

And, today, it still isn’t stopping those who care to indulge in this dual way of indulging. It doesn’t matter so much why so many people are turning toward bisexuality since there are more reasons than Campbell’s got beans… but it does matter that people are turning in a bisexual direction and the only acceptance and permission they need is, first, from themselves and, second, from those they want and hope to interact with. Or, if we don’t mind, it doesn’t matter… and I won’t tell if you won’t… and for many, “I don’t give a fuck who knows that I’m bisexual – it ain’t none of the damned business to begin with!”

Change in this has been happening all along but glacially slow and, well, people are of a mind not to sit on their cute asses and wait for the change to complete itself and become “official” and a non-issue. The mindset is kinda like, “If not now, when?” and many folks are coming to the conclusion that there’s no better time than right now and many say that it’s better late than never. Over our entire existence as a species, we have downplayed and, um, cock and cunt-blocked our need and desire for sex and so much that it was deemed to be necessary to provide a direction for our appetites for sex and, specifically, where making babies was concerned which, way, way, back in the earliest days of our existence, yep – not a whole lot of us back then and life-expectancy was stupidly low; between the environment and illnesses and hunting things that saw us as food – and as we were looking at them – something had to be done to not so much stop people from having sex but, again, to direct that energy toward making more people…

And it stuck. It’s still sticking to us and we continue to believe and hold true that anything that isn’t boy/girl only is wrong, immoral, and a direct threat to the continued existence of the species… and it never really was. I’ve said that those folks back then could not envision that there would come a day when people could, in fact, have babies without having sex at all. We learned how to do it and we perfected being able to do it… yet, we continue to be bound by a mindset that is sorely outdated. Society continues to fight against anyone and anything not heterosexual… and its been fighting a losing battle and ever since the battle was first waged and even the threat and reality of putting people to death did nothing to stop people from not being straight.

We have consistently failed to learn from history and where sex itself is concerned, eh, we’re not as grown up as we like to think we are. We accept that we have this… built-in imperative to have sex and, yeah, men more than women but we got so funny about it and, of course, we are even funnier when sex happens outside of the mandates that remain in place that says who we can have sex with, when we can, and even why we can… and doing it just because it’s a fun thing to do is also prohibited.

It just hasn’t ever stopped people from having sex and it sure as fuck hasn’t stopped people from doing it in very non-heterosexual ways… or even in the bisexual way. It’s not as if we, on the whole, do not know this because we do; otherwise, why are we pitching a royal bitch about this? Easy answer: We’re made to be too institutionalized in the way it’s supposed to be and kinda whistling in the dark and ignoring the elephant in the room because the way it’s supposed to be has never been the only way to get it done.

In essence, the famous/infamous Moral Majority has lost whatever control they had over our sexual behaviors; not only that but humans are oddly adverse to change; I often hear stuff from people who believe that the way things were back in the 1950s was – and still is – the best way for us to be and as evidenced by a TV show: Leave it to Beaver, most notably. It exemplified the “ideal” way of life but was really a bit of a coverup because there were some aspects about the 1950s that no one wanted to talk about, let alone acknowledge as being very real like, oh, wife-swapping and something that became suburbia’s dirty little secret… and bisexuality was all up in that mix, too.

Do you really believe that those worthy housewives back then, when they got together, were playing bridge and trading recipes or talking about that book they were all reading… and the book wasn’t War and Peace? Even I wouldn’t – and didn’t – believe that when the fellas got together, say, to go fishing that all that was being caught was fish since, um, it gets kinda lonely at that remote fishing hole…

Just sayin’.

So while the battle against homosexuality was out in the open and all that, bisexuals were literally on the DL and, again, for no other reason than to not get caught up in the war against homosexuality. Today, we see the DL as being the most awful and worst place to be… and only because our morality, if nothing else, demands that we see it that way but the truth is that the DL has always been with us and for the sole purpose of not letting everyone know what you were doing and that could be anything and, yes, including sex… any kind of sex and orientation didn’t matter one damned bit.

It’s simple: If you don’t want “everybody” being all up in your business, you just make sure that no one gets all up in your business: No matter what it was you were doing under the radar, the watch phrase of “I won’t tell if you won’t” remains valid, even today and more so when it’s been proven that there are some behaviors that our very moral society just frown upon, from acts of infidelity… to men and women getting together to have sex in the approved… and non-approved way.. Dicks were being sucked and pussies were being eaten; asses were being fucked and fingers being inserted where needed… and not always in the straight way of things and, you betcha: The less people knew about those other ways, the better. What someone suspected and what could be proven just wasn’t – and isn’t – the same thing.

If it serves a bisexual’s purpose in life not to let a whole lot of people know that they’re bisexual, well, it’s a choice they’ve made for themselves and one I don’t think should be up for debate since, through any of this, who we’re having sex with still ain’t nobody else’s business. If you know the history of the war against homosexuality, it’s not that difficult to see that society is in the process of losing their “war” against bisexuality; the battle of words is just tired, dogmatic rhetoric and throwing the dreaded disease card onto the pile isn’t anything new, either. What is to note, you know, if you paid any attention to history, is that none of the shit being used against bisexuals worked against homosexuals and if it did anything, it drove homosexuals deep under the radar, too.

And continues to do so. Society is losing – again. Some even say that society was fated to lose the moment they started this war. Or, to scramble up something Thanos said, “It is inevitable…” Thanos, if you saw the movie, actually said that he was inevitable and, well, we know how that turned out for him – and twice at that. The first time, Thor corrected the mistake he made and went for the head and the second time, Tony Stark snapped his ass out of existence.

We’ve just not learned that trying to stop people from (a) having sex and (b) trying to stop them from having sex in the unapproved ways – is futile and a great waste of time and energy. But I guess we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t wage wars and fight battles that we have no real chance of winning and this particular war? Yeah – they’re losing and badly. No matter what’s being said, people are getting their sexual – and sexuality – freak on. It exposes a flaw in the way we think: Just because you don’t believe that it should be done doesn’t ever mean that it’s not being done anyway.

And a lot of bisexuals just don’t give a flying fuck what you believe, to be blunt about it. It’s well known that bisexuals are said to be in denial about some shit when the reality says that, um, it’s not us who’s in denial – it’s everyone who doesn’t believe that bisexuality is real or, again, that no one should be anything but straight. This is one of those things in life that no matter how much you try to prove that it isn’t what it really is, the more clear it becomes that it is exactly what it is; again and otherwise, what’s all the fuss about?

The “bad” part is that even thought society is well aware that they’re losing – again – its not just gonna wave the white flag, give up, or roll over and show its belly and that, too, is an interesting flaw in our collective mindset: Some of us just do not know or can accept that we’ve been beaten and defeated, that nothing we’ve tried to do to head off or otherwise prevent sex and intimacy from happening this way has worked… or is gonna work. Fear tactics works on some folks… but not everyone and more so when a lot of bisexuals do learn that there’s really not a whole lot to be afraid of and the risks that inherent in sex can be mitigated if not eliminated. The latest strategy has been to drive a gigantic wedge between bisexual men and women and, get this: Some of the women who are pitching a royal bitch about male bisexuals are, themselves, bisexual.

We are being portrayed as a threat to their very lives and it’s implied that we will, without any doubt or lack of certainty, infect them and as a matter of course. Truth is, sadly, it happens but sex and disease has always been some very strange bedfellows and a part of the human condition.

The thing here is that bisexuals really aren’t as stupid, mindless, and careless as folks are being led to believe and it doesn’t take having a Mensa-level IQ to figure out how to be very damned bisexual and being safe, too, so it’s not that bisexuals are ignoring the risks so much as they’re doing whatever they can to protect themselves and those who’d interact with them even though, again with sadness, some are not so focused in this way. Having said that, even this isn’t stopping people from being or discovering bisexuality and whether one is single or very married isn’t doing much to stop things from going down this way and more so when a lot of people in a relationship are discovering that “keeping only unto yourself” ain’t working and, yeah, bisexuality is and/or can be the thing they’ve been missing in their lives and the thing that makes them not only sexually satisfied but makes them whole and complete as a person.

Without acceptance or “permission,” the rules are being changed by those who have and see the reason to change them… and many go about being bisexuality without that acceptance and permission because, one, this is their life and no one is gonna tell them how to live it… and it still ain’t any of your motherfucking business who I/we are sleeping with and if you don’t like it, all you can do is not like it… and ya might not want to get all up in my/our face about it unless you find getting your feelings hurt enjoyable.

Society lost the war against homosexual; they are losing the war against bisexual and that loss is… inevitable. It’s not to say that “everyone” is gonna be bisexual – it just really ain’t for everyone – but for those who have reason to believe it’s gonna work for them? Yeah… it’s gonna happen because it’s always been happening even if you can’t really see it happening. We are proving, once again, that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it and we continue to, on the whole, let that which we believe – or want to believe – blind us to the truth of what we can be if, again, it suits our purposes to be. We can be straight… or bi… or gay and even gender reassignment doesn’t really change anything where sex and sexuality are concerned.

People are still gonna say, “I’d never do anything like that!” Some will, perhaps, grudgingly say that they tried it and didn’t find it to their liking and maybe they might check it out again or they just won’t. It’s always been a matter of personal choice, you know, just in case you really believe that choice has nothing to do with this. Many more will emphatically state that they they just don’t believe in such behaviors and it’s their right not to believe it.





People who are bisexual are gonna keep being bisexual even if they’re not having any of the sex that’s possible; there are people who are, at the very moment I’m writing this and you’re reading it, are discovering that being bisexual ain’t as bad as they thought or believed it would be. Wait for acceptance? Who feels like doing that? Come out and tell everyone that you’re bisexual? Ain’t none of their fucking business if you are or aren’t. Bisexuality should follow the same rules as heterosexuality does and mandates? Relationship only and only with one person and no one else can be involved and/or invited.

Shit… you’re kidding, right? We ain’t never did anything by the rules so why start now and then why try to impose a set of rules that has also been proven not to work the way they said they do?

Society is in the process of taking another “L” and that’s gotta suck for them but they are losing just the same. Again. Never really stood a chance of winning. to be blunt about it. We want and need sex and the reasons, eh, don’t matter so much… but getting the sex we need does matter and there’s not just one single way to go about it – and we’ve proven that already…

The defense rests.

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Posted by on 11 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is Bisexuality Kinky?

Hmm – that’s a good question, huh? I’d suppose that, on the surface, it could be seen as kinky given that, in the same-sex mode of things, it’s outside of that which is considered to be normal where having sex is concerned but, of course, people can be pretty damned kinky and bisexuality isn’t even in the picture…

Or some folks find a kink that works for them and bisexuality could show up to join the party and as a “kinky” kind of thing to get into on top of the original kink. Growing up? Of course I’d hear how “kinky” it was for someone to go both ways and I’d actually think about if being bisexual was, in fact, kinky – but learned that when you’re bisexual already, it’s not easy to see what might be kinky about it since, to a bisexual, what they may be doing is seen by them to be normal… for them.

It’s forbidden sex… and the fact that it is forbidden makes it exciting for some to even think about and I’ve heard people who only think about sex like this say that it’s pretty kinky – we’re not gonna talk about those who think it’s perverted and disgusting. I’m of a mind that if it’s not a main part of one’s sexual diet, yeah – getting your cookies crumbled in the same-sex way could be seen as being “wickedly” kinky – ain’t it kinda thrilling to do something that’s forbidden but can be loads of fun… and no one other than the people you get “kinky” with knows that you’re being kinky?

I’ve always been of a mind that bisexuality opens a lot of things within a person and it’s just isn’t another way to have sex and be intimate: It opens the mind, too, and some folks become bisexual… and get kinky with other things like group sex (swinging and other forms of this), BDSM stuff, roleplaying, crossdressing and other activities that can be seen as being even more kinkier than being bisexual might be seen as.

Bisexuality – and as I’ve been able to observe it – does seem to open a lot of doors that lead to some pretty interesting sexual experiences or, as I said earlier, getting into a kink of one’s choice can do some door opening that’ll allow bisexuality to pay a visit. It’s actually pretty easy to be up to your eyeballs in your favorite kink and see getting into some same-sex stuff as just another way to enhance the kink and, um, get your cookies crumbled… or you get to crumble someone else’s cookies.

I was thinking about cuckolds yesterday and after I wrote yesterday’s scribble about M2M not looking sexy and I was thinking about this because some guys who are into this could very well wind up becoming a cock sucker… and there are a lot of guys who actually want to be into being a cuck so that they can get a chance of sucking that dick his “hotwife” has been enjoying. And, yeah – there’s plenty of porn to be seen where this happens but what I wonder is if a guy who is being cuckolded thinks, feels, or believes that when his hotwife grabs her other lover’s cock and tell him to suck it, is it kinky as far as he – or even his wife – is concerned?

Again, I’d guess that some would say that it is given that for many, being in a threesome, in and of itself, is pretty damned kinky since sex is only supposed to involve two people and no one else. So while one can find themselves in some kind of threesome and that’s kinky, it can be even kinkier when some same-sex stuff jumps off, too, and more so when it adds to the enjoyment of the moment… and, of course, provided one wants to or can be that kinky in this situation.

I am again reminded of the guy I knew who played Mistress/slave games with his wife and swinging partner and how he was up to his eyeballs being “ordered” to suck cock and get fucked while denying that he was bisexual. I get that being able to say, “I was just following orders” is, in itself, pretty kinky but if I’ve learned nothing about this stuff, it’s that people rarely do sexual things that they really don’t like doing or otherwise don’t believe in but, okay, I can see being “made” to do it can be pretty kinky in their view of things.

For me, it all begs the question of whether or not those things we consider to be kinky are really proof of our innate ability to have sex and in a great many different ways or, an even shorter version and question: Is sex itself considered to be kinky… or just humans doing what humans can do? I mean, even the preferred method of sex – boy/girl – can delve into the realm of kinks, right? I think that because of the way we’ve been told and taught to think about sex does put a lot of things “outside of the box” and those things are, well, kinky.

And as such, bisexuality can be seen as kinky because, um, it is fun, exciting, and pleasurable to take the rules and toss them out whenever they need to be tossed out. I recall, way, way, back in the day, being in a foursome and it wasn’t planned but some same-sex stuff happened and the non-bisexual couple thought that what they’d done was pretty exciting… and kinky. I remember thinking that it “made sense” that they saw it as being kinky because, until that moment, it was something neither of them had even thought about but being in the moment and all that, well, they did it and they seemed to get a kick at finding out they were even more kinkier than they believed themselves to be.

I remember the guy, who had spent quite a bit of time sucking my dick, asking me, “Wasn’t that pretty damned kinky? Wow!” I said that it was really kinky of them but, eh, I kinda fibbed a little because I didn’t think it was kinky at all… then again, having a guy sucking my dick isn’t something new to me… but maybe it is kinky in its own right. I do remember letting the thought just kinda fade away from giving it any conscious thought but, yeah – when some people have sex and in a way that just trashes convention, yup – kinky. Just not the way it’s supposed to be done and, importantly, without a single thought or notion about it being perverted or disgusting sexual behavior.

Methinks there’s not much of a line between being kinky and into one of the many fetishes that can be gotten into and the fetishes themselves could be seen as being kinky or, where bisexuality is concerned, a kink within a kink. Bi guys who are crossdressers come to mind; these guys – and as their idea of a great way to have sex – will set aside their male clothing and put on their best girly stuff – then go to town on another guy’s cock when blowing him and then with great glee assume the position to feel that cock in their ass and on the verge of exploding. Do crossdressers think of themselves as being kinky… or is this just normal for them and, even better, does the guy giving the hot crossdresser da bizness think he’s being kinky having sex with another dude who also happens to be decked out in his finest Victoria’s Secret accoutrement?

Hell, is it kinky to even think about it? Or is it just that humans are just notorious when it comes to finding so many different ways to have sex and it’s… easier to think of it as being kinky and all because whatever their kink is puts them outside of what’s always been considered to be conventional sex? I got to thinking about DDJennifer – she and her clan are a very amazing group and with domestic discipline being their kink of choice… but there’s also bisexuality in the mix as well… and does that become a kink within a kink? I’m gonna have to remember to ask Jennifer about this – and that’s if she doesn’t read this and chimes in. It’s my thought that she might not think of it as being kinky but, who know – she might.

I’ve had people ask me how kinky I am or can be and I’ve responded by saying, “That depends on what you find kinky…” because in my own mind – and because I’m bisexual – I don’t think I’m really all that kinky… in that sense; being in a three- or foursome and some guy on guy action is happening isn’t what I’d call kinky – both things are pretty normal to me… but, yeah, I suppose it can be called kinky even though my mind kinda doesn’t work like that; to me, it’s just an extension of those things we considered to be normal and morally correct – it’s still sex but unconventionally so…

Kinda kinky when ya get right down to it. It’s an interesting notion or even concept given that I know of a lot of people who didn’t have a kinky bone in their body become pretty damned kinky once their bisexuality set in and got off the ground. Bisexuality removes a lot of the “normal” sexual inhibitions – and in defiance of the rules – and, sure, okay: It’s kinky to have sex this way and sometimes the kink isn’t the sex itself – it’s breaking the rules that says no one should have sex in the same-sex mode of things. Apparently, it’s quite possible for someone to be very damned kinky and without any real fetishes in the mix and all they really have to do is to have sex in a way that’s not covered under the rules of how sex is supposed to be.

Even going further back in my memories, I can remember when it was said and suggested that eating pussy was… kinky. Later in life, I’d question whether it really was kinky since, um, pussies have been eaten for a damned long time before I discovered the joy of it… but, okay, I guess it’s kinky and probably more so when the rules really don’t say that it’s okay to have oral sex except – and as I understand it – the Catholic Church (and maybe other branches of religion) has a thing against anything that resembles contraception or, bluntly and crudely, if the sperm ain’t going into a pussy – and that’s the only place it’s supposed to go, you could be in a lot of trouble. So maybe this admonishment paves the way for humans to be kinky and not just do the nasty the way we’ve been told to do it.

Interesting. Debatable, even. One person’s kink is another person’s normal and all that.

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Posted by on 9 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Random Thoughts

I’m not “racist” and I’m not one of those misogynist characters but as I spent the last week perusing Twitter – in particular – and while Bisexuality Week was cranking up, there was a lot more good stuff about bisexuality being tweeted and a lot of it was about bisexual women and how women should stand up for themselves in this.

Good stuff. Right and proper. Many consider bisexual women to be mythical – the much sought after unicorn – early on in my quest to really wrap my head around bisexuality, I couldn’t figure out why it seemed that a lot of people were of a mind that women couldn’t be bisexual when I knew quite a few who were. The bisexual woman gets a bad rap but, comparatively, not as bad as bisexual men do and in the minds of some, the bisexual woman is the poster child for wanton hedonism and promiscuity and the – myth? – that if you can have a threesome with a unicorn, it is all that and like nothing ever has been before.

Could be… and not really. One of the things I noticed early on about girls – women – who were bisexual wasn’t their “great penchant” for wanting to have sex; it was the way they handled being bisexual and in that “it’s not that big of a deal” way that bi guys just never seemed to be able to pull off. Knowing those bi gals was like a master class in the other aspects of bisexuality – emotions – as well as a look into how some women process their need for sex and intimacy… and intimacy that doesn’t include sex.

One bi lady told me that, true enough, she liked men and liked having sex with them… but after a while, you get tired of having sex with men, not that it’s not good but – and as she said – “Men might sometimes have a clue about making love to our bodies but they ain’t shit when it comes to making love to our emotions – no offense.”

None taken. We’ve all heard that saying that only a woman knows what a woman needs and, of course, the problem us guys have is that we think we know this and, um, yeah, not really. So when a woman becomes bisexual, not many people give them a lot of shit about it – as long as she doesn’t go “all the way” and become a lesbian. Bisexual women have, along with bisexual men, remained under the radar because, well, people are stupid and they’d rather bask in their ignorance than to take a good look at why anyone would not want to be just straight or just gay – and I’m sure you’ve heard all of utter bullshit being spewed about bisexual women and how they’re really just some fake-assed bitches trying to trap a man.

And it is true that men are just fascinated with bisexual women; that, all by itself, tends to not make bisexual women all that happy – it makes them feel even more objectified than they already are. I remember one bi gal and I were talking about this and, as expected, she kinda bashed me for liking her just because she was bisexual and all that. I was kinda offended for a moment because, for one, I don’t think like that but I understand that because I’m a guy, I’m guilty by association… and I told her that what made me like her so much was the fact that she knows about women like I do and, at least to me, that meant we had more in common than just being a man and a woman.

So seeing so much positivity for bisexual women was a damned good thing to see being spoken about. Now to the other thing I noticed on Twitter that had me wondering, “I wonder why this is portrayed like this?”

Interspersed with the praise for bisexual women was… “bisexual acts of sex,” to put it that way. To me, “bi porn” is cliched and like most porn is and it’s usually displayed as a woman being with two guys and focus is on whatever the two guys are doing to each other… and the threesome is “always…” Caucasian. Now, I’ve seen some of this involving other ethnicities but nine out of ten times, when you see bi porn, you see white people… and I know better than that and just as I know that it doesn’t always go the way bi porn portrays it, oh, like, one guy is blowing the other guy while the woman is off on the side and, at least in still pictures, orchestrating things or she’s got this look on her face that says, “Yeah – how do you like having a big dick in your mouth?” and it’s not what I’d call a “nice” facial expression.

Just another reason why I’m not a fan of porn so much and even the more preferred amateur porn tends to be more of the same cliched stuff, predictable and all that. But it stuck in my head that with all the, ah, examples being tweeted that I didn’t see one person involved who wasn’t white and I thought, “Hmm… is it thought that anyone who isn’t white wouldn’t and doesn’t enjoy sex like this?” There were a lot of tweets kinda tagged with the bisexual label and pics of a woman being DP’d – and one who was being TP’d – and I don’t mean toilet papered and the phrase, “sword fighting” was prominent and I thought that, you know, just because two guys are fucking a woman in this way doesn’t mean that they’re bisexual and I was even “reminded” about how some guys will, in fact, be in some kind of physical contact with a man and simply because a woman is present.

Then I found out that it’s not that either of the guys aren’t bi in that sense but having a woman present during sex says that he’s not really all that bi or, gasp, gay; I know of guys who’ve said that they’d never just get with another guy but if there was a woman involved, sure – that worked. It just justified the position in their mind that they’re really not bisexual or, again, perhaps more in truth, they’re not gay. That one makes me shake my head a lot and sometimes laugh with a degree of knowing because, um, there are gay men who like a bit of pussy, too… so whatever you’re thinking in this ain’t as accurate as you believe it to be.

Less seen during Bisexual Week were the tweets denouncing bisexuality, not that this position is, at least from my Twitter feeds, seen all that often. I see it at times and all it does is serve to remind me how… stupid, ignorant, and immature some people can be to be running their mouths about something they don’t know a damned thing about. These are the people who think that bisexual is homosexual and their “vision” in some desperate need of correction because they’re only seeing one side of things. I saw “the usual” religion-based objections and I could feel my head shaking in sadness without me giving the order to shake my head sadly. It paints, again, a very sorry picture of how some people just cannot accept the reality of sex and sexuality and their continued reliance on dogmatic things that never reflected the reality of the human condition.

“Well, if a guy likes being fucked by another guy, he’s into guys and that means he’s gay!” Does it? Of course, I happen to know that there’s no real truth to this but the real point is… why doesn’t everyone else know that there’s no real truth to this? I know of guys who have never had sex with a man… but they like their toys in their butt just the same; it begs the question of whether or not a guy who likes giving his prostate the business is even bisexual, let alone gay. Guys who are into pegging insist that having a lady strap one on and give him da bizness does not mean he’s bi or gay… and I tend to agree with that sentiment since a lot of men are becoming very much aware of what having their prostate messed with can produce; it’s just that, um, in order to mess with one’s prostate, there’s only one way to get to it, huh?

If nothing else, it makes some guys less… squeamish about going to the doctor and getting the dreaded finger; not only does it go a long way to make sure they don’t have prostate cancer or other prostate worries but, um, yeah – feeling that finger in there and poking one’s prostate feels rather nice and, yeah – even I get a bit of a thrill when my doctor performs the DRE – digital rectal exam and if he takes a few seconds longer to find and poke my prostate to determine its size and health, well, I’m not of a mind to complain about that although, sheesh, I do wish his office used wet wipes to clean up after the fact…

Seeing all the stuff on Twitter during Bisexuality Week just had me thinking about things bisexual and, in particular, what I’d been seeing and reading. Lots of positivity toward women, not that much about men but quite a bit of visual imagery of men doing things that is construed as being bisexual. A few tweets about regular guys standing up for their right to be bisexual and a smattering of celebrities who are touting their own bisexuality – that gets a lot of attention and more than some regular and not so famous man or woman living in the wilds of Montana would ever get… and I don’t pretend to understand that; we can accept that someone of some kind of fame is bisexual… but everyday people don’t have the same level of acceptance?

Cityman and I were talking and he mentioned some famous person in the past and that they were rumored or confirmed to be bisexual – and I knew they were and had heard the rumors and I asked him, “Why do you even care about that? They were bisexual – so what? A lot of people are.” He explains why, of course, but I guess he’s just another fanboy of celebrities and like so many of us are. They’re human just like I am and if I’m bisexual, they can be, too – it’s not that big of a deal.

My mind once again took on the “task” of figuring out what is really needed when it comes to bisexuality… and it’s not the acceptance that proponents have been clamoring about as a necessity: We need to rewrite every damned thing we’ve ever written about sex so that it reflects the way people can really be. Instead of all this stuff being exclusive, it needs to be inclusive and this, I think, can go a long way to erasing the lines we’ve put in place and making the words straight, bisexual, and homosexual redundant and unnecessary. Our sexuality should be seen and documented as… sexual. Period. The bad part is that this isn’t being done or even attempted but organized religion is very nervous since bi- and homosexuality refutes everything they say about such things.

The good part is that people are being bisexual without any of this because, shit, yeah, people are going to have sex or otherwise be intimate with someone in any damned way they want to; it’s the way it’s always been; it’s the way it is right now and, yep – it’s the way it’s going to be in any future you care to think about. Women are and can be bisexual – it really isn’t that big of a deal and we really and seriously need to get it out of our collective mindset that men who are bisexual are both gay and just plain evil because, this, too, isn’t that big of a deal. No one should have to stand up and defend how they care to go about doing some very human things. Even a noted expert in psychology once said that the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.

We correctly figured out that homosexuality is not a mental illness and we corrected our… error that said that masturbation was a mental illness, too. We have not, sad to say, corrected the things that need to be corrected… but that calls for doing some shit to religion that just ain’t gonna be easy to do but, like I said, people are still being bisexual nonetheless. I honestly do not know what other “proof” is needed and/or required in order for bisexuality to be seen as the very real thing it’s always been… but I do happen to know one way it can be proved and I know there are those who aren’t going to be of a mind to have this proven to them.

Just sayin’. The one thing that is and will be the most difficult thing to overcome is… belief. Every last one of us who ever lived and is alive right now – and including those who are being born – has been and will be socially programmed and conditioned to believe something that isn’t the whole truth of things. It is… incredible that we can be presented the truths in this… and still not believe them to be true since those truths greatly conflict with that which we’re programmed and conditioned to believe… well, until we find out for ourselves and, as such, break that conditioning. If a bisexual learns nothing else about this, it’s that before the fact, they really did believe in something that, again, isn’t the whole truth – but they know it now and for many, it’s a huge punch in the face and is the source of pretty much all of the internal conflict people experience.

Belief is a damned hard thing to fight against. As long as there is one person who continues to believe that bisexuality isn’t real, that disbelief will remain in force and if one person believes in this way, there will be others who will also believe and this behavior has been proven time and time again… and all you have to do is look at racism to see it at work. This is why acceptance is going to be very difficult to achieve – and why bisexuals are being bisexual without it… because you just cannot fuck with that which someone believes and even if you can prove that what they believe isn’t the truth, you’re not likely to get them to change their minds – this is the, “Yeah, but…” portion of the show.

There are so many people who are of a mind that because they aren’t, can’t, and wouldn’t be bisexual, that means that no one should be bisexual… and there’s not a whole lot to be done about it; there are so many people who have tried to be bisexual and, bluntly, they suck at it and have failed at it as well as had it just go badly for them and, as such, they believe that it doesn’t work and it can’t work and they’d never do it again and, yeah, no one should go there. You just cannot fight against this; even a wholesale rewrite of that which we believe in isn’t going to be enough to change that which someone believes.

Which, again, is exactly why so many people are being bisexual anyway and forget that acceptance shit and even more so when someone who embraces their bisexuality already accepts that they are. Women, as well as men, are saying that even though there are those who don’t believe this is some real-deal shit, it’s real to us and if nothing else, it suits our purposes and allows us to be the person we need to be and if you don’t like it, that’s not our problem and you’d do well not to keep trying to make your problem it our problem… and we’re just not smart enough to stop doing that.

And, yeah – I do know that a lot of people do change their mind about the reality of bisexuality and they have reason to believe the reality… and even if that reason makes no sense to anyone else or is being rejected out of hand and all because that ain’t the way things are supposed to be…

But it is the way they can be. Even I will tell anyone who cares to read or listen that if you don’t wanna be bisexual, you just don’t have to be and simply because not everyone can be – it just doesn’t work for them. Some guy will say something to me about wanting to find out about playing with a dick? I will not only ask them why but I’ll try to talk them out of it and, yes, I’ve done the same thing with women a few times but, as I’ve learned – and I’m so jealous of – women handle bisexuality better than men do and because, I think, for them? It’s no big deal. Yes… bisexual women do have their issues and face their own brand of stigma but for those who have decided that they don’t give a flying fuck what other people have to say?

Not a big deal at all. One woman had me laughing my ass off when she said, “Dudes just be mad because they ain’t the only one getting this pussy! Motherfuckers need to take notes instead of being little bitches about it – no offense!”

None taken – do you have something I can write on and with?

Two guys having sex with a woman isn’t always bisexual – it’s just two guys having sex with a woman… but if they’re having sex with her and each other, okay, I’ll buy that but it’s not always as it appears in bi porn and white people aren’t the only ones who are “kinky” enough to throw it down like that… and you can figure out how I know this for a fact, huh? We have to find a way to get rid of the misperceptions we have about bisexuality and wrap our heads around the truth of what it is:

Just humans being human. My head is now empty… and so is my coffee cup so if you will excuse me, I’ll take my leave.

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Posted by on 28 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Discovering Bisexuality

Okay… bisexuality is real and so are bisexuals. I was just reading another blogger’s post about her bisexuality and the one thing that stood out to me was that much of what she was writing about was all too familiar to me… because I’ve heard it before. I have been honored and privileged to have learned how a lot of people discovered bisexuality and have done so to the point where it’s kinda easy for me to spot commonalities despite the many ways people discover it.

I dunno… a lot of people seem to think that this is something new in the human experience and I supposed that to them, it is something new to them but, again, I can see a lot of things that I’ve known about, thought about myself, stuff like that and I’m thinking that it’s not a coincidence that so many people who are discovering bisexuality are saying a lot of the same things that I was exposed to while figuring it out for myself.

Even in 2020, there are so many people who are shocked to discover that they have feelings of bisexuality or, at some point, they stumble upon the… confusion of being straight (and like we’re all supposed to be) but, nah, it’s not really working the way it’s supposed to but when they consider that guy/gal over there? Oh, yeah – that feels so much better! And then there’s my favorite people: Those folks who say, “I’d never do some shit like that!” – and then find themselves up to their eyeballs in it and they do, not surprisingly, always find a way to justify things.

Because, simply, it’s something that can make sense no matter what path you take to justify what you’re feeling, let alone what one might do about those feelings. I just keep seeing the same things I’ve been seeing all along and things that reconfirms some stuff about this: Anyone who doesn’t believe that bisexuality isn’t real or they don’t believe in anything that’s not being straight, well, they’re wrong about it. All of it. It paints a… disturbing picture about how we – collectively, of course – look at sex and sexuality and a continuing – but ebbing – sense of abject denial combined with a belief in something that has been proven to be incorrect at best.

When all the serious riffing about homosexuality was taking place, one of the things that I wondered about was that there had to be something about this given that there were a lot of homosexuals running around. I was of a mind that, sure – one person could be wrong about this… but how was it possible for millions of people to be wrong about it? And I’m seeing the same mindset regarding bisexuality; it’s not only “more of the same,” it’s more of the same conflict between belief and reality and, again, that says some very disturbing things to me about us and on the whole. It makes no sense for us to keep insisting that something isn’t real or shouldn’t be real when there’s way too much evidence to support that it is very damned real.

Cityman and I revisited our ongoing conversation about why more people aren’t bisexual and the thing is that more people are discovering bisexual – and more than ever before. The resistance against it is actually starting to fade but, as the Borg famously said, “Resistance is futile; we will add your uniqueness to our own…” – and even if people aren’t getting naked and throwing it down in this way and in great, hedonistic droves, they are thinking about it and seeing the reality of things: Bisexuality is very real… and now it’s just a matter of what to do about it when they – and in another cinematic way, “Search your feelings…”

And when they do – and for a growing number of people – they see bisexuality staring back at them and with open and welcoming arms; they are deciding for themselves that they should, at the very least, give this some serious thought even though societal norms, I guess, “stupidly,” continues to insist that everyone be heterosexual. It’s not that people are coming to this conclusion and by whatever means they have to accomplish this: From where I’m sitting, they’re processing this in very similar ways and, again, ways that I’ve been seeing all along and it’s kinda eerie to see this commonality of thought and how persistent it is.

I said to Cityman during our more recent conversation that an untold number of people are now saying, “Fuck the rules – I’m gonna do what I gotta do!” We are going on and on about social acceptance of sexuality – on the whole of it – and while that’s all nice and everything, people are – and people have – gotten into, uh, um, not being straight without that acceptance; as long as they’re able to get a firm grip on their feelings – and feelings that do kinda come out of nowhere for some folks – it’s the only acceptance that they really need: This is the way I feel and as strange as that might seem and, holy shit, it does feel very strange!

Now it’s about what to do about it and, yeah, without drawing any unwanted attention because, sadly, there are still a great many people who still believe that which is grossly incorrect and they’d be of a mind to jump in your case about it. The girl who wrote the piece I mentioned? It was… refreshing to read about what was going on in her mind and, again, it wasn’t anything that I wasn’t already familiar with because I’ve heard it so many times before. She’s just one of many people who managed to find out that being straight, well, that’s nice… but not the whole answer to some things.

One of the things that people almost immediate learn about bisexuality is that attraction doesn’t really work the way everyone says it’s supposed to be and it doesn’t work the way we, individually, thinks it’s supposed to work. The rule is one of no same-sex attractions yet those who discover bisexuality really do get confused when they find themselves having same-sex attractions and it doesn’t really make a difference whether the attraction that poked them to get their attention makes their heart go pitter-patter… or makes them incredibly horny which, again, is pretty confusing. Even in this, some bisexuals are pretty adamant about not being attracted to the same sex and what that really means is that they’re not attractive in the “I wanna be in a relationship with them” way… but if they wanted to do the nasty, well, hmm – that can be arranged.

Some of us insist that it’s “impossible” to be attracted to the sex that’s possible and that there has to be some kind of attraction that isn’t rooted in sex and that means, to them, is that person relationship material… and overlooking the fact that if you’re thinking about them like this – and whether you reject them or not – there’s some “attraction” going on that’s telling you to get with this person while conscious thinking insist that, nah, you don’t find them attractive at all. The thing here is that when people discover their bisexuality, that which they now find attracting just changes; they feel drawn in a direction that they’re not supposed to be even paying any attention to… and now they wanna know why and, yep, eventually, they figure it out:

Holy shit – am I bisexual? I see people getting to this point and, again, going through a thought process that is so familiar to me that when I get to see it, I’m not ever surprised – I’ve seen it before. People do take different paths in wrapping their heads around this surprising and shocking realization but even then, there is still a lot of commonality that remains pretty persistence over all this time…

And it is just fascinating to see it and to see how… consistent it is. It reconfirms something I’ve found to be true: Bisexuality isn’t really all about doing – it’s about what you think and feel; it’s just that, um, doing has some appeal to it and there’s that inexplicable compulsion to get to doing some doing. And social acceptance be damned. That invisibility thing? It’s not that big of a deal and like so many people seem to think it is; the reality of it is it’s no one else’s business how you feel about people and/or how you go about having sex with someone, you know, if that’s what you wanna do.

In this, Cityman seems to be of a mind that there’s not enough men and women getting into this and I counter with, “But a lot of people are getting into it – there’s just no way of knowing who is, is there?” As usual, I pointed out that even as we spoke about this, someone is discovering that, at the least, they feel bisexual and there is always someone – and in any given moment – having their first same-sex sexual experience. The problem – and if you can really call it a problem – is that you just do not and cannot know who is making this discovery about themselves and you sure as hell can’t know who is doing something about it.

People discover this about themselves “right out of the gate” and early in their life while others, as I say, are late to the party and some of those folks have always known how they feel while others do get hit “out of nowhere” with this discovery. They rationalize it and justify it in the way they can manage it… it’s just that I’ve seen how eerily similar this process is and has been. Whether action is now called for or not, well, that’s a different kind of cluster fuck since, at all times, we are aware of society’s mandates, rules, edicts and outright prejudice toward anyone who is straight and like they’re supposed to be.

Some people do discover that they’re not really all that straight and how they can discover this is a recurring theme, to put it in those terms. I mean, there must be some truth and reality involved here since, duh, a lot of people do discover bisexuality and even those who say, “I don’t believe in that shit and I’d never do some shit like that!” A lot of people do say, “Well, I might try it…” and followed by whatever terms and conditions under which they just might do that but it is to remember – and believe, if you can – that bisexuality isn’t just about having the sex and it’s very much worth repeating that it is about what one thinks and feels. And, sure – if you can “point” to a reason or two that “explains” how you’re feeling, well, so much the better and the ever-repeating thing here is that humans have the uncanny ability to justify anything they might do… and even if that justification doesn’t make any sense to someone else.

People discover this about themselves; someone is discovering and processing it right this very moment and along the same lines of thought that, again, I’ve seen time and time again. Indeed, some people learn by doing – shit really does happen, ya know? Not everyone figures this out in that after the fact way but, yeah – discovery can happen even when some shit that ain’t supposed to happen does happen. And here’s the kicker: If you found yourself making this discovery because shit did happen, um, didn’t it happen because unbeknownst to you, you wanted it to happen and not allowing it to happen, ah, kinda didn’t make any sense? Quite the cluster fuck after the fact – what the hell just happened and, even better, why did it happen and why did I allow it to happen?

And even for these folks, there is a commonality that I’ve seen at work. Not everyone discovers this and not everyone wants or needs to and that’s fine… but people do discover it and they, again, process it in ways that I don’t ever find surprising because I’ve seen it before and I’m still seeing it now. This is some very real shit and those who are objecting to it – and insisting that it isn’t real, well, they’re clueless and they’ve been misled. Some objectors do so based on their own experiences – and usually because it was, well, pretty fucked up; a lot of people are of a mind that since this is something they wouldn’t do, no one else would want to or should get into; again, it paints a pretty disturbing picture about how we, on the whole, see sex and sexuality.

It’s why those who discover this almost immediately wind up in a major conflict with themselves. It’s not acceptance we need in this: We need to have the rules and other shit… eliminated. Disposed of. Rewritten to reflect the reality of things. The social programming and conditioning we receive has to be changed to reflect the reality. Doesn’t mean that everyone now has to be bisexual but if one discovers it, well, okay – not a problem. And the one thing that continues to defy what we believe is that people, in every moment of every day and for whatever reason makes sense to them, are discovering bisexuality and whether it’s “just sex” or more than just that; whether it’s an all-encompassing intellectual exercise or, yeah – shit happened.

It’s so familiar because that’s the way it’s always been – I’m just one of many people who’s been able to actually see the commonality involved when someone discovers that, whoa – they may not be a straight as they believed themselves to be… but they’re not gay – or they think they’re are and sometimes hope that they aren’t. It’s just that the discovery process for so many people gets… muddied because so many others continue to be in denial and keep insisting that it’s not real or this is something that it really isn’t and whatever other garbage they want to throw onto the pile… and all because it’s them who can’t accept the truth of this.

Not everyone is straight… and a lot of people do discover this about themselves and some of them, if you had told them that they would, would have laughed in your face and told you that you were out of your fucking mind if you thought that one day, they, too, might discover bisexuality… and, yeah, I’ve heard that one before, too.

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Posted by on 26 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Price…

…do you put on your sexual satisfaction? Another good question is who’s responsible for this – you or others? Even though the question of whether bisexuality is real or not is still being hotly debated and contested, behind the scenes – or, under the radar, if you will – a lot of people are of a mind to stop putting limits on their sexual satisfaction, to not make the price too or so high that it’s unaffordable and that they are personally and directly responsible for seeing to their satisfaction rather than relying on someone else to take care of things.

We know what the rules of relationships say about this: Whomever you’re with, that’s who you have to work with in this and no outside sources allowed. That puts a great deal of pressure on folks knowing that if their partner wants/needs sex, um, should it be dutifully provided or does the person have some say or recourse in this? It has always, in my mind, begged the question, “If you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to?” – and the conventionally accepted answer is, “No one.”

What if, by chance, whatever sex you’re having isn’t enough and I’m not necessarily talking quantity or even quality? I’ve heard a lot of people ask this question: “Is this all there is to sex?” and more so when sex, yeah, it tends to get… monotonous, routine, and that “chore” than can drop down in the ranks and makes cleaning a filthy toilet look like it’s more fun. What can be done about this? Well, um, the answer is theoretically easy – find another source for sex… but the practical application isn’t so easy since, sometimes, that other thing that can be done can involve someone who’s physically like you are.

Uh oh. A lot of folks think that cheating is bad enough… and even worse when it involves same-sex stuff and if you think that single folks get a “get out of jail free” card in these things, well, no – they don’t. Not really. The perception here is that if you’re free to have sex with anyone you can get with, there’s no need to do it in the same-sex mode of things but, okay, if you do, well, aren’t you quite the freaky so-and so? The fact remains that regardless to whether you’re single or in a relationship, the responsibility for your sexual satisfaction is yours to bear and the “mistake” we all make is depending on someone to take care it for us; we really do just hand that responsibility to someone else and, again, even if we’re single and even this, the “one man/one woman” rule is still in effect and it’s still considered to be in very bad taste – and morally wrong – if you’re a man or a woman and you have a more… enlightened concept of the one man/one woman rule.

To the question of why people are bisexual, the answer you may not hear so much about is, “simply,” they recognize that they are responsible for their satisfaction in this and, unlike so many others, they’re not of a mind to put too high of a price on it. While many are content to let their sexual needs be taken care of in the single source mode of things, more people today are finding that, frankly, that’s just not working for them so much. They’re recognizing that things like sexual attraction and desire – and taking care of these things – only has limits because we impose them and do our level best to enforce them at all times. The price, more often than not, has been set unreachably high and not by our own doing – the price was preset already. Then life experiences with sex, well, hmm – that does something to the price as well as sets the stage for responsibility to be handed off to someone else who may or may not be of a mind to take on that responsibility so much and, yeah, knowing that if they fail in this, things could get messy.

I remember when someone asked me about my bisexuality and why I chose to do things in this way and, without really thinking about it, I said that if I didn’t understand anything else, I understood that the responsibility for my sexual pleasure and satisfaction rests solely with me and that it didn’t make any sense to put a high price on it and one so high that being able to have sex became undoable. Ha… even that response surprised the shit out of me even as I said it! I really had no idea that it was hanging out in my head like that… but I saw the truth of it. We hold true that if you’re a guy and you gotta have sex, go find a woman who’ll be willing to accommodate you and if she isn’t, it sucks to be you. If she is and, at some point she decides that she doesn’t want to be bothered with it – doesn’t want to be responsible for your satisfaction – too bad, homey. Very much sucks to be you. And if this occurs in the relationship mode of things, you are well and truly fucked… and not even in the good way. You can cheat or leave the relationship… or admit defeat and give up all hope of ever having sex again.

And a lot of people are, these days, questioning this mindset… and they’re not buying it or even of a mind to rent it for the weekend anymore. If “Sally” has determined that indulging herself in the sensuality and eroticism of the touch of another woman is what she needs in her life, it’s her responsibility to see to it and she’s even responsible for not making the price too high for herself or anyone else. The “thing” is that by and large, if our girl Sal is determined in this, eh, few people are gonna give her a whole lot of shit about it and more so when us guys, well, you know what some women say about our utter lack of consistency and being totally clueless about their emotional needs in this. What is less accepted, of course, is when men find reason to go this route as well… and more and more people – both men and women – are just ignoring the moral and conventional thinking in these things because they realize that the responsibility is theirs to deal with… and the price cannot be set so astronomically high.

The thing that drives society batshit crazy about this is that it’s being done without permission, so to speak. As much as society is aware of this behavior, it’s not the preferred and mandate way to deal with one’s responsibilities in this. Society grudgingly accepts that not all responsibilities are handled in the boy/girl only mode of things: Boy/boy and girl/girl, shit, okay, damn it – we (society) ain’t really feeling that shit but it is what it is (and what it’s always been, by the way). But to be about all of the above? You greedy motherfuckers and bitches! Pick a side and stay on it, you damned perverts! You’ve heard the admonishments, right? In denial, fake motherfuckers and cunts and confused?

Yet, a lot of people – and in a great many settings – are saying, “Fuck that shit – I’m gonna get what I need and if you don’t like it, you just don’t like it!” From singles to even polyamorous groups and including people in more… traditional relationships, owning one’s responsibility to see to their satisfaction has become paramount… and putting very high prices on this is unthinkable and, yeah, pretty stupid, to be real about it. Yes… it is better to ask – and get – permission than it is to always beg for forgiveness – and then find one’s self not being forgiven but there are a whole lot of people today who, when the question I asked earlier – if you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to? – comes up, they’re not going to accept the answer of, “No one is.”

Wrong answer. A growing, unacceptable one. The price as quoted is way too high and, yeah, many people are taking back the responsibility they’ve given others and realizing that the onus in this has always been theirs to handle. Now, if you wanna come on this journey with me, well, that just works but if you don’t, well, that’s too bad because that whole boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl thing isn’t the only affordable price available… and “all of the above” is not only affordable but is determined to be well within our responsibility to ourselves in this.

Many are discovering that the price is… negotiable. Indeed, when I’ve had conversations with people about bisexuality, one of the things I ask them is, “What price do you put on your satisfaction?” and followed – or sometimes prefaced with, “Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this?” Now, if your idea of being responsible to yourself in these things doesn’t include being “way out of the box,” okay – it’s what works for you and yes – a lot of people find the price involved affordable… right up until the moment comes when it becomes unaffordable and/or their responsibility to themselves is being taken away from them because we all know about the way things are supposed to be.

It’s just that a lot of people are finding and learning that, for one, the way things are supposed to be ain’t the same thing as the way things can be… and that it’s not only more affordable, it’s very much in line with their responsibility to see to and take care of their satisfaction in these things and whether it’s emotional, physical, or both. And the biggest kicker is that there’s no way to know or tell who has decided that it’s not only their responsibility but that there’s no unreasonably high price that should be attached to it. Single, married or otherwise in a relationship. Open relationships, swinging, being poly and in a poly group or even family setting. The boundaries, which were always artificial, are being torn down and cleverly so. There’s the relationships are supposed to be and many are discovering or otherwise figuring out that their relationship is only going to be as good as everyone involved makes it. So not only are the rules of relationship being rewritten but many are agreeing to not only wrest back their responsibility, openly sharing that responsibility is what really and nicely gets the bulldog fed.

Some folks do decide otherwise. The price is too high and should never, ever, be lowered for such… carnal reasons. In a relationship, it’s the partner’s responsibility to see to the other’s satisfaction without fail and without any excuses and without exception. This is the way we’ve always gone about such things and, no, single, unattached folks don’t really get a pass in this – and it’s well known what we – society – tends to think about those people who “just go out” and have sex with as many people as they can manage and definitely not in the mandated “one man/one woman” way and, yeah – even if the man or woman in question is gay.

Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this? What price do you put on it and, better, why is your price set the way it is and more so if that price is quite high? Would it surprise you that a lot of people do know that they’ve set the price very high… and would it surprise you that those who have sees no reason to lower the price and, yeah, the responsibility belongs with someone else? And would you be just as surprised to become aware that you’re one of those people with an unbelievably high price and depending on someone else to take care of something that, in reality, it’s your responsibility to own? And, perhaps, making matters worse, you’re of a mind that you have no choice or recourse in this?

You see, those of us who are bisexual aren’t this way just for the sex or even the emotional content. This is us – and in our own unique way – realizing and recognizing that, for one, the responsibilities in this are ours and that putting too high of a price on seeing to those responsibilities, well, not only does it not make sense but it defeats the purpose when it comes to being responsible to ourselves in this. Is it about the sex? Of course it is. Is not not just about the sex? Of course there’s more to it than that… it’s just that the sex is fun and let’s not bullshit or fool ourselves in thinking that it isn’t or that it lacks importance.

Who’s supposed to take care of this for you? What price do you put on it? Are you – or could you – be defeating your own purposes here if, one, you’re not being responsible to yourself and/or, two, you are of a mind that doing what you might need to do isn’t worth it and the price involved, indeed, is much too high? If if that price is high, why is it? Who set it that way? Why do you – or we, really – believe that the price isn’t negotiable?

This, I think, is the aspect of bisexuality that little or few people talk about. Too concerned about what other people think about this; way too focused on the sex that can happen but not so much on why it’s happening. Continuing to believe and hold true that the way things are supposed to be handled in this is the only way… and when we very well know that it isn’t. The truth is that these responsibilities can be handled and seen to via boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl and, yes, all of the above. You know, um, if you really do believe that it is worth it to you, that the price for bucking conventional systems in these things is, indeed, negotiable.

And that the responsibility for taking care of these things is yours and yours alone but sure – if you can share that responsibility with other – not give it away – then, hmm: Is this something you might be interested in? And the good part is that bisexuality, such as it is, doesn’t have to be in the mix at all but, sure, it could be…

If the price is right. If it is deemed to be what makes you whole, complete and, oh, yeah, satisfied and your responsibility to yourself is also satisfied and being handled in the way it needs to be handled. People are or become bisexual, not simply because they can be but because they do recognize in their own way that they do have a responsibility to themselves to be happy and satisfied and that there’s no price that should be that high or otherwise get in the way of that responsibility. It’s not just men who are figuring this out; women are figuring it out, too; it’s not some “kinky” thing that couples can get into and just for the fun of it; it is a recognition that the way things are supposed to be doesn’t always work for the way they, as a couple, want and need to be where the responsibility they have to, with, and for each other is concerned.

And many aren’t of a mind to ask for permission from society in this. Would be nice to have it… not really needed. It is why so many people step away from convention and with little regard for what other people are gonna say about them for doing so. And having no say or recourse in any of this? Not an option. Is not going to be tolerated. If no one else likes it, all they can do is not like it. And to the question of who’s supposed to fuck you if your partner ain’t gonna do it? “No one is supposed to” is an unacceptable answer and it does speak to the fact that someone giving this answer feels or otherwise believes that it’s not their responsibility to provide you with that which you need for your satisfaction and well-being.

Is ya feeling me on this? Probably not, huh, and the scary part? You’re probably not feeling me even when, “secretly,” you just might be thinking that I’m right about this… but to do something about it? The price is too high and it’s not worth it. Or, intellectually, it makes sense… but it is, again, too pricey and too irresponsible to be thinking about your own needs when you should be more concerned – and, perhaps, responsible – for someone else’s needs since, uh, they did just hand it over to you and without and fussing, fighting, or even reservation.

Hmm. I’m going to go away now and find something else to do and leave you to ponder this, you know, if you’re of a mind to. It doesn’t matter to me if you agree or disagree with what I’ve scribbled today because, if nothing else, this happened to be in my head in this moment and if y’all don’t know anything else about me, this blog is about getting that stuff out of my head. If it resonates with you, good… and if it doesn’t, well, you’re responsible for what does or doesn’t resonate with you, ain’t ya? You do have the right to make someone else responsible for this, just as you have the right to set the price as high as you think is necessary.

I’m just the guy who also happens to be bisexual and not so much a fan of things monogamous who’ll ask you… why would you do this to yourself when you don’t have to and, better, why would you do this to someone else? To the question of do I think “everyone” should be bisexual or, really, more flexible in these things? I say no because it’s not for everyone; the price for them is way too high; it’s not worth it to them to buck the system, such as it is and many feel that by being responsible for their satisfaction is both irresponsible and even selfish because their duty – their obligation – is to put other people first and foremost. Which makes the questions posed way back in the beginning of this more… pointed, methinks.

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Posted by on 19 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What’s the Attraction?

Well, it depends on who you’re asking when trying to figure out how and why two guys having sex is so attractive. The “funny” part is that we’ve been so against this kind of sex that we kinda forget the fact that guys have been sexing each other all along so there must be something to it.

It’s “different;” liberating, even revealing in that a lot of guys learn a great deal about themselves. Sinful and taboo, of course, but that’s not necessarily the bad thing it’s supposed to be. Some even cite that you have have all the sex you can get with women… but you’ve not really had sex until you’ve done it with a guy. Not that it’s always all that and a bag of chips but it reveals a side of sex that we know about but doesn’t get “real” until you do it.

So many guys suck a dick for the first time or get sucked by a guy… and it’s so eye-opening. You can watch “gay porn” from now until the cows come home… but until you either cum in a guy’s mouth or he busts one in yours, there’s just no comparison and, indeed, a whole lot of guys who’ve said they’d never do some shit like that tend to find out that they should have been doing it all along.

The sex, it turns out, can be pretty damned attractive. True enough, for many who find out first-hand about this, it’s much more than sex – it’s the epiphany to end all epiphanies, a moment of self-discovery and a real glimpse into what sex is really about, that everything you thought about being attracted is only half of the whole. To hear a guy say that he’s never been able to cum being sucked… and then you find your mouth full of it and he is so surprised… and hooked.

That includes the many guys who know about M2M blowjobs and insist that they couldn’t give one or, if they were able to, acquiring that taste is beyond them… then they find out that they can suck that dick and tasting sperm ain’t all that bad… and nows they, too, are hooked. Can’t do it enough – who knew it could be so exciting and pleasing?

A lot of guys, to be honest and over many generations. For such a long time ago that no one knows what two guys first discovered this kind of sex and why it was either a great idea or something borne out of necessity. it’s either been lost to history or deliberately erased. And, yes: So many men are very attracted to find out what it’s like to be subjected to a man’s lust and just as women have always known and haven’t always been a fan of.

You’d think that being fucked in the ass has zero attractiveness at all but until you’ve been fucked and your prostate takes a nice “beating” until the other guy explodes in you, sure – it’s not easy to see what would be so attractive about being screwed in the forbidden hole. There is, obviously, something to it since guys do fuck other guys and a lot of the guys being fucked absolutely love it.

Like anything else involving sex, it’s not without its… issues and risks – but for many, it’s the issues and risks that makes this so damned attractive and more so when the majority of those risks are easily mitigated or awakens a guy’s creativeness so that they can partake in such forbidden and disallowed sexual pleasure. It is, in fact, the sheer nastiness of it that many find so horribly attractive.

Being in a position to suck a guy’s cock and knowing that it’s forbidden is quite the rush and such an interesting contradiction. Even I’ve been sucking a guys dick and asking myself what the hell am I doing… but not even giving a single thought about stopping… until I have his cum in my mouth. So deliciously nasty and so morally wrong and maybe it was made to be so because someone figured out that this kind of sex was way too much fun and just couldn’t be allowed – guys back then should be totally focused on making women pregnant.

Well, um, until they weren’t really feeling that so much but that’s a different kettle of fish. Anyway, it’s not so much about what makes it so attractive but why it is and you don’t need a doctorate degree to figure that out: It’s sex. A chance to have orgasms – and men do have them, by the way – and to cause ejaculation and, yep, an ejaculation you don’t have to literally take into your own hand(s). Well, you could do that, too, if ya wanted to and even if there’s a guy who wouldn’t mind doing it for you.

But, um, if you really wanted to know why it’s so attractive, hmm – try it and you just might like it. And ladies? Just in case you think I forgot about you, if you really want to know what makes us so crazy about pussy, here’s your chance to know like we do, you know, if you’ve ever really wondered why we are the way we are: Um, yeah – pussy tastes good and has a wonderful mouth feel.

Just saying. The best way to understand the attraction is to experience it. One can do it intellectually… but where’s the fun in that? Don’t want or need to? Believe me, many people have said that very same thing… and they’re such huge fans of it. I mean, who knew it could be like that?

More men and women that anyone could shake a stick at. Unimaginable numbers; so many that trying to keep count is almost impossible. It really is that damned attractive.


Posted by on 13 September 2020 in Uncategorized


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