The only reason why sexuality is complicated is because we – humans – made it complicated by insisting that love, sex, and relationships should and can only happen between people of the opposite sex. Homosexuality confuses people, not because it’s that hard to figure out but because it goes against what we established eons ago… and bisexuality, as it turns out, has taken everything we known and believe about this and thrown it right out the window.
The rules sought to direct our… urges in one singular direction and included dire warnings and even more dire punishments for anyone who dared to do things that didn’t fall in line with the boy/girl only edict. I had asked myself why the edict was put in place and I found out a couple of things that had a lot to do with procreation but it dawned on me that the only reason to put a “law” into place about something is to curtain something that’s been going on; so it just wasn’t all about the baby-making thing but to also get some measure of control over human nature itself – that drive, urge, and need to have sex and “recreationally” so.
I know that I got all of the rules and prohibitions hammered into my head and just like everyone before me did and, of course, everyone after me has. What all of that didn’t – and, maybe – couldn’t take into consideration or do a whole lot about is how a guy might feel when he sees another guy and gets this great urge to have sex with him or finds him emotionally pleasing – and the same applies for women, too. I think those early lawmakers were seeing a lot of both males bonding with other males – and having sex as a result of that bond – and women were bonding in similar ways and decided that this shit had to stop.
Except, it didn’t. A guy looks at another guy and, what the fuck? Why am I feeling the way I am about this dude and more so when I’m only supposed to have these thoughts and feelings for women? Instant confusion and immediately complicated and all because those early lawmakers that making any violation of the edict and making it punishable by a horrible, painful death, would be enough to change the way people might feel and think because of their feelings.
Enter the power of belief and it’s ability to just fuck shit up. If there is one thing you can trust about yourself, it’s how you feel… because it’s the way you feel even if you don’t understand it at first… then things get complicated because if there’s something you most definitely know, it’s that you are not ever supposed to have any kind of feelings for someone who is the same sex as you are other than those borne out of friendship and you sure as hell are not to ever want to have sex with them… or else.
Bisexuality gets confusing and complicated because society norms based upon religious mandate and edict actually set us up to be confused and to make this complicated. It becomes more of an internal clusterfuck because, yep, you know what the rules are but how you’re feeling – and the resulting thoughts on those feelings – just contradicts what you’ve been told and taught. Which thing is the right thing? I’ll give you a hint:
It’s not what we’ve been taught and told to believe about this. And the proof of it is that you feel the way you do despite knowing you’re not supposed to.
Homosexuals were the “original nonconformists” and to say that they caught a lot of hell behind being homosexual because their behavior proved that what they said about how things are supposed to be were… about as wrong as it gets. It took us centuries and some political action to finally get to the point where we had to admit and accept that the only difference between heterosexuals and homosexuals is who we chose to get into love, sex, and relationship with, that and we figured out how people who can’t have children can have children… and without any sex being involved.
As I’ve said before, I grew up listening to people (1) bash the shit out of homosexuals and (2) say that someone had to be totally out of their minds to want to have sex with both men and women! Preposterous! Totally out of the question and makes no sense whatsoever! Except, the reality said something very different and more so when, even back when I came into existence, we knew that people could be homosexual despite it being said that no one could be. The ancient edict, in actually, changed nothing about that aspect of human behavior but because we were paying so much attention to homosexuality, bisexuality got overlooked and when it was noticed, well, hmmph – all that means is that person is really homosexual… and because it was really the only thing that made sense.
Yeah, not really. The thing that keeps baking my noodle is that we know good and damned well that humans can be bisexual… but we make it so horribly complicated because of what we believe… and that belief just sets someone up for some… interesting moments with themselves when they become aware that they’re feeling something for someone who is of the same sex as they are and their feelings for the opposite sex are still very much in place. If that wasn’t confusing enough all by itself, we now have a great many people trying to explain this… aberration because, holy shit, people aren’t just straight or gay!
It gets complicated because we’re not taught how to deal with these feelings… but we are told to never have them in the same-sex mode… but there they are just the same and denying that we have them just adds to the complication because, again, if you don’t know anything else, you do know how you feel. Adding more fuel to the fire is the fact that since society lost the eons-long war against homosexuality, society has turned its attention to attacking bisexuality and, stupidly, in pretty much the same way it tried to get rid of homosexuality. It’s impossible for someone to feel something for both males and females and even more so if those feelings get them having sex with each other! It’s not real; it’s really them being homosexuals and in abject denial of being homosexual.
And we listen to this shit and it confuses the shit out of some folks because, somehow, they can’t get their head around the fact that what they’re feeling – and no matter why they’re feeling it – is the right thing and more than the overall society mindset says… and based upon something that was never true to begin with but singled out to be the most idealistic way to be: Heterosexual only.
Except, um, it wasn’t true way back then… and it’s not true here in 2021. The initial confusion comes when, say, you’re a girl and you know a girl who, for some “unknown” reason, makes you feel some kind of way and in a similar way that you’re only supposed to feel about boys… and you still feel that way about boys but that girl over there? Whew – making those panties sopping wet and making one’s heart go pitter-patter! Not supposed to be that way… but those feelings and reactions are very damned real… and it’s so confusing and makes everything so complicated.
Someone asked me, “Don’t you find all of this complicated?”
I said, “No, I don’t.”
“Why not?” they asked.
“Because I don’t believe that shit about love, sex, and relationships only being between people of the opposite sex,” I said.
“Why don’t you believe it?” they persisted.
“Because I don’t and I’m living proof that the way things are supposed to be isn’t the only way things can be,” I said.
“That’s crazy,” they said and their confusion was, to me, so easy to see because the reality didn’t match up with what we’re told about any of this.
Um, no… it really isn’t all that crazy.
We just have a seriously major problem accepting the reality. Bisexuality is only complicated because we’ve made it complicated; it takes that, “You’re either straight or gay” bullshit and just trashes the shit out of it; it totally and completely invalidates everything we believe to be true and then, to make things even more interesting, we are still in the process of trying to qualify and quantify this supposedly impossible and unrealistic state of human behavior and, insanely and conversely, pitching all kinds of royal bitches against something that’s said to be unreal… and begging the question of, “If bisexuality isn’t real, what are you fussing about?”
Um, because it is real? That we still can’t accept the true nature of what we are and how we can be… and that the boy/girl rule was designed to suppress this thing about ourselves? And, oh, yeah, let’s not forget that rule has consistently failed to stop or prevent anyone from being bisexual anymore than it stopped anyone from being homosexual. It also seems to be in our nature to make mountains out of molehills, too, and that just complicates things in this even more. We have, currently, deemed that you can only be bisexual if you’re willing and able to be in a same-sex relationship; it has been deemed a requirement to qualify as a bisexual if you’re more about the person than you are about those, um, things that lend itself to having sex first and foremost.
Then, you can only be validated as a true bisexual if you tell everyone you know that you’re bisexual and if doing so happens to fuck up your whole life, well, it’s better to tell the truth than to keep living a lie and making everyone you know feel so very uncomfortable and ashamed of you – how dare you be so selfish and inconsiderate of others!
Granted, if there’s something that does complicate bisexuality, it’s trying to find someone you can be bisexual with… but finding someone for the purpose of love, sex, and relationships has never been easy, has it? Even more complicated is that you can’t really get all bisexuals to agree on what it is and how it should work and even then it’s based upon heteronormative stuff; be attracted, relationship-mode only – and that includes having sex – and a bunch of other things that just makes being bisexual continually complicated for a lot of people. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say, “I didn’t ask for these feelings!” I’d be Bill Gates rich.
The confusing and complicated truth of things is that very few of us actually ask to have these feelings… because they just show the hell up all by themselves and when you never expect them to. The confusion and complicated nature of this is very real when you’ve spent a large part of your life being heterosexual and in every way that is… and then find yourself… divided. Not gay, but not really straight either. You know how you feel but what’s going on in your head is raising all kinds of hell with you because you’re not supposed to have any same-sex feelings and you sure as fuck aren’t supposed to have feelings for both men and women.
Yet, that’s how you feel and, again, it doesn’t really matter why you’re feeling this way. The people who don’t get or stay confused or feel this is so horribly complicated are those people who believe and trust their feelings more than they do the way things are supposed to be because they know that the way things are supposed to be just is not the way things can be, you know, if that’s the way you’re thinking and feeling.
It continues to be complicated for some who accept that, yep, bisexual. Me. It becomes that way because one of the first things someone thinks is, “What is someone else going to say and think about me?” Gets even worse when you’ve probably been around or have been exposed to the great and persistent angst against anyone who isn’t heterosexual and, yeah, some of those people displaying such great angst happens to be people you know and are close to you.
I was asked, “How do you deal with knowing that people who know you aren’t going to be comfortable with you being bisexual?”
My answer was, “I don’t deal with it; they’re either going to be okay with it or they aren’t – and I know why they aren’t and I know the reason why they aren’t and would be is bullshit religious dogma; I know that nothing I can say to them about this is ever going to change that which they believe… so I don’t let that bother me and I know that no matter what they say, it is never going to change the fact that I am bisexual. Besides, I’ve got bigger and better things to deal with.”
I’m not the only one who sees it this way… the bad part is that a lot of people can’t and, as such, bisexuality is so fucking complicated. I sit and read what others write about how feelings of bisexuality has complicated their lives and I just shake my head because I know that it’s not bisexuality that’s making shit complicated for them: They’re doing it to themselves and letting others insert a lot of drama into the whole matter and all because they keep believing something that just isn’t as true and as accurate as they believe.
And they don’t want to believe it because, again, bisexuality invalidates everything they believe or otherwise thought they knew. Everything. For myself – and, again, I’m not the only one – bisexuality isn’t confusing or complicated even though I can and will admit that being able to do something about it brings its own unique issues to the table… but even in this – and I’ll say it again – isn’t all that different from what everyone else goes through in order to get their slice of love, sex, and/or relationships so that’s just an occupational hazard and just as much a part of the whole love, sex, and relationships deal as anything else is and sexuality has no real relevance in the inherent difficulty involved since, um, you know, straight and gay folks go through the same complications, too.
I will often say, and rhetorically so, that I don’t know why we have to make this as complicated as we do… but I know why and it’s all because we continue to believe in something that has been proven to not be the whole truth of what it means to be human. Cityman – bless his heart – likes to bring up the famous – or infamous – bonobo monkeys who were observed and studied and found to be very damned bisexual and a lot of people accept these findings because they are, in fact, true and not just among primates – and that includes us, by the way. What puts a crimp in things is that the difference between bisexual animals and us is that… we have that higher brain function thing going on and the damned rules and edicts have always sought to suppress our animal behavior, that and we don’t see ourselves as being animals in the first place when, um, yeah, we are:
We’re just a more… intelligent kind of animal but in many ways, eh, not so much since we keep right on believing something that isn’t all that true. This great contradiction of the facts causes the confusion and complications so many bisexuals are talking about and very few have gotten to the point of seeing and understanding that the way to not let this confuse you or cause any undue complications is…
To stop believing what we’ve been told about only being straight and laughing our asses over the silly notion that people can only be straight or gay… because it’s a lie that was invented by those who cannot handle the truth and reality of what we can be. It’s only complicated because we make it complicated; the simplest explanation just does not seem to work for us. Why do I have a thing for both men and women? Um, because I do and any explanation beyond that is guaranteed to either bore you silly, maybe insult your sensibilities, or it’s something that you’re just not gonna be able to believe… because you’re not supposed to believe it.
I know what the rules are… and I know how I feel and why I do. Which thing do you think I’m going to believe the most?
Yeah, not complicated at all.