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Tag Archives: Male and Female Bisexuality

Today's Bisexual Thoughts: At the End of Any Day

We can talk about the biology of sexuality; we can also talk about the psychology of it as well as the sociology of being bisexual and in a world that is still much in favor of heterosexuality as the one and only way to be when it comes to love, sex, and relationships.

But at the end of any day, it comes down to two things: It’s either going to fit and work for the way you want/need to be… or it isn’t. It’s not so much of a thing about what one can do if/when they’ve chosen to adopt bisexuality as their “thing” or way to be but it is usually a thing of why one would decide that this is what works best for them, even in theory.

The what is easy – sex and/or emotional succor… but the why of it is something that’s been debated and argued over for as long as I can remember. At the most simplest of levels, why is pretty straightforward: Because we can if we want to but, as it usually turns out, that’s not good enough as reason to support a “true” sense of justification and because we do have to justify whatever we do – and humans have long since proved that we can justify anything we do even if that justification doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

We can debate and argue the right- or wrongness of, essentially, bucking the system until we are all blue in the face and, at the end of any day, it’s pretty much meaningless because people are always going to do what they think is best for them to do. So many people remain caught up in the way things are supposed to be and not without good reason because for many, the way things are supposed to be works fine for them but it’s not as if they lack any real awareness that “the way things are supposed to be” isn’t the only way things can be.

Our divisive, combative nature keeps coming to the front because, well, um, we’re still human after all and we can fuck things up so much that even among bisexuals, there’s little agreement when it comes to how to be bisexual and what one should do because they are. But this really isn’t as unusual or self-destructive as it appears to be because, again, at the end of any day, one is still going to keep their own council in this and do things the way they want to and to the best of their ability.

At the top of the pile, there’s the sex – duh, right? It’s not that we are really that ignorant of the fact that people have sex and sometimes in, ah, spectacular fashion that’s not always according to the way things are supposed to be. We know that “Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice” have no business hanging out with each other over the weekend and having sex openly and freely with each other; we frown on it, cite is as immoral behavior which, at the end of any day, never stops such hedonistic acts from taking place… all across the planet.

We know and hold true that “Bob and Ted” have no business whatsoever having carnal knowledge of each other and insist that their sperm is put to better use being injected into “Carol and Alice” but monogamously so… which again, never stops this from happening anyway and for no other reason than it’s sex and it feels good to have sex. We’ve introduced some rebellion against the way things are supposed to be, not that this can’t be satisfying and fulfilling but, sure – if “Bob and Ted” can slake their hard-wired desire for sex upon each other, it removes a lot of the burden placed upon women who, these days, don’t have to provide sex if they don’t want to.

We know this… and continue to believe or otherwise hold true that this should not be, that there’s no good reason to defy moral and religious statutes solely for the pursuit of sexual pleasure and at the end of any day, we know that sticking with a premise that really doesn’t hold much water doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since, once more, people are doing it anyway.

Personally, I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve been told that I don’t have to engage in sex in the way I do since, theoretically, there are an untold number of women who’d freely give up their bodies for sex and they’re right about that… while understanding that this isn’t – and never has been – a given. We ascribe a sense of greed into a behavior that, realistically, we understand even if we don’t always want to agree with the nature of ourselves – again, the way things are supposed to be versus the way things can be or, optimistically, the way things really are and have been throughout our evolution as a species.

We are the very social and sexual animals we profess not to be; we know of our proclivities for sex, from the vanilla and mundane to things that makes some of us ask, “Who does that?” We have, over all this time, been on a mission to reign in our behaviors and appetites for sex so that we can remain… civilized and not be enslaved to the biological imperative to have sex – and simply for the recreational reason for having it.

At best, the mission to separate us from our primal and basal urges has been, bit by bit, failing as more and more people are discovering and/or figuring out that the way things are supposed to be just isn’t the only way things can be. “Bob and Carol” can remain faithfully monogamous to each other and that’s all well and good but sometimes, that’s not enough and it’s always been within our nature to need more experiences in things that allow us to grow and to continue along our evolutionary path because becoming stagnant and static isn’t a good thing for us even if being this way sounds good on paper and provides a semblance of stability.

We know that “Bob and Carol” can have sex with each other and we know that they can add “Ted and Alice” to this and their experiences become expanded and in ways that we, again, tend to frown upon. But, at the end of any day – and in the face of these prohibitions – they’re still going to do whatever it is they feel best to do, not only for themselves but for everyone else involved.

That it can be “Bob and Ted” and “Carol and Alice” isn’t unknown to us but if it works for them, it just works for them, doesn’t it? The dynamic isn’t foolproof because, duh, people are involved but, still, at the end of any day, it’s either going to work or it isn’t… and we are seeing more and more people trying to find out if it will, in fact, work for them.

And in some pretty interesting ways and combinations, might I be allowed to add? Regardless of individual justifications, we buck the system because we can, that and humans are great at rebelling against authority; tell us we can’t do a thing and you’re pretty much giving us carte blanc to do it just to find out why we’re being told not to do it.

At the end of any day, there are many of us who aren’t going to stand for a bunch of very dead people still trying to tell us how to have sex and, yes – because this is what’s been happening for such a long time – that’s more of a reason to buck the system and get your freak on.

We don’t, so much, frown on women having sex with women, not like we do about men having sex with men. We do, in fact, hold women who are bisexual in a rather exalted way and, I guess, one could easily say that as long as, say, “Carol and Alice” are still getting dicked down by “Bob and Ted,” well, no harm, no foul. Except, at the end of any day, “Bob and Ted” are just vile heathens to have sex with each other even though they’re both laying the pipe to “Carol and Alice” and, yeah, without any exclusivity involved which, in the minds of many, makes those guys the worst offenders ever.

Because at the end of any day, we still believe and hold true that there’s only one way to engage in love, sex, and relationships when, again, we know this isn’t true; if it were, none of the fussing and fighting we’ve been doing over sex and sexuality would have never existed. We continue to see bi- and homosexuality as evils and any monogamous couple who steps away from what being monogamous means is also pretty evil and we are quick to point out any and every instance where taking these paths have proved detrimental… while glossing over the fact that these things work more than they fail… because if they always failed, we wouldn’t be doing these non-traditional and mandated things to, with, and for each other.

But since we can, we do. It’s either going to work – or it isn’t and we do understand that just because it didn’t work this time doesn’t mean that it won’t work the next time, you know, provided there is going to be a next time and if there’s enough justification for a next time to be a good thing to keep an eye out for.

Because at the end of any day, it’s still sex; it’s still a source of emotional comfort and attachment for those for whom sex – all by itself – isn’t enough for them. Cityman and I talk about this a lot and, rhetorically, asking why it’s such a bad thing for “Bob and Ted” to get together and suck each other’s balls dry and empty and the answer keeps pointing back to, “That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.” We question whether or not “Carol and Alice” should be offended by what “Bob and Ted” might be doing when they’re not together and, well, no – they shouldn’t be… yet they could be because those two guys doing each other, again, isn’t the way sex is supposed to be carried out… and they could very well be so highly offended by this and talking about it… after the two of them have gotten done having sex with each other.

And even those of you who, ah, let’s say, have a problem with this also knows this isn’t something I’m making up – this is real-deal, real-life stuff because, at the end of any day, we good and damned well know that we shouldn’t do things in this way… and it never, ever, changes the fact that we are doing things this way.

Because we can. One could argue that we need to do it in this way given the results of some research that is saying and revealing that we – humans – being monogamous and monosexual appears to be unnatural for us as a social animal. But it still comes down to whether something is working for us or it isn’t.

Sometimes it does… and sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t work in most cases because we don’t know – we aren’t taught – how to make it work for us but we are, if nothing else, bright and creative creatures and, as such, if we don’t know, we can most certainly figure it out because at the root of this is… sex… and if we don’t know anything else, we know how to have sex.

What’s the difference between “Bob” giving “Ted” a blow job and either “Carol” or “Alice” doing it? Nothing… except who is doing it, of course. The same “nothing except who” when looking for differences between “Carol” going down on “Alice” and either “Bob” or “Ted” doing it.

At the end of any day, we know this – we’re still very much about who should be doing what to whom while doing our best to turn a blind eye to the what that’s at the root of this.

The sex. The biological need for it. Shit… the recreational need for it that has been proven to be conducive to good mental and physical health. What’s love got to do with it? Not a whole lot, actually, but sure – we’ve learned that when there’s love, the sex is better… but it’s not really the only reason to have sex – it’s just one that’s easily justified compared to doing it just because you can, want to, and/or need to.

The way things should be… versus the way things can be. Idealism over reality and let’s face it – the reality makes a lot of people very, very nervous and to the point where we make ourselves believe that it can’t be like this and point to all the rules that says it shouldn’t be.

And at the end of every and any day, it stops no one from discovering the truth of things. We can be heterosexual if that’s what works for us, just as much as we can be bisexual and homosexual if it suits our purposes when it comes to living our lives to the fullest extent possible.

Cityman told me a story a couple of years ago about someone in the Navy who was retiring and one of the things the retiree said was that he was going to be pissed off to find out that sucking a dick was really a good thing for him to have done – but he didn’t. It was pretty funny and I know I probably didn’t retell the story exactly as it was told to me but there is a lot of truth in this because I have heard and know of a lot of people who, upon experiencing sex like this, have said, “I have no idea why I never did this before now…”

And they didn’t because they weren’t supposed to or, better, until that moment, they had no justifiable reason to check it out and by justifiable, I do mean their idea of what is justifiable and not society’s version of what this means.

Despite all of this stuff I’ve written – and most of which you probably already know – it remains a fact that at the end of any day, it’s either going to work for you or it isn’t and if it doesn’t work, it won’t be for a lack of trying because even at the exact moment you are reading this, someone, somewhere on the planet, has decided this might, can, or will work for them and until it’s proven – definitively – that it won’t. And there are a lot of reasons why it might not work but one of them isn’t because we don’t know how to have sex.

We do know how to do that; now it’s just a matter of being able to justify bucking the system and, yeah, people can do just that, you know, if that’s what they feel they need to do for themselves.

So, there you have it. Why be bisexual? Because you can if you want to be and for any reason that makes sense to you and even if no one else would be of a mind to go along with your justification. It would help if they would go along with it but, nah, they don’t have to if they don’t want to and they are just as secure in their justification not to buy-in to this as bisexuals, in particular, are secure in their justification to buck the system at every opportunity… and by any means necessary.

Because we can.

 
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Posted by on 13 February 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Bisexual Cheating"

It’s one of the many things said about bisexuals right along with all the other stuff that’s said and it has always been implied that if one is bisexual, they’ve just become a serial cheater and putting three strikes on them instantly if the bisexual is male.

What gets overlooked – and because we can just do shit like this – is the fact that cheating isn’t owned by bisexuals – anyone can cheat if/when they have reason to. Of course, we look at this lack of fidelity with a very, very dim view and we insist that it should never happen for any reason which, in theory, is all well and good and perhaps a very worthy goal… but is kinda unrealistic when you – or if you – can take into consideration that anyone can come up with a reason why they should cheat at any time and even if they don’t do it, um, they thought about it. Now, I’d not say that makes them guilty of anything but a lot of other people would be of a mind that if someone thought about it, that means they’re gonna do it.

Our morality is a piece of work. Of the Ten Commandments, number seven is, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and I have always wondered how the word “adultery” came to be and why it’s on that list of ten things that we are never supposed to do. The “easiest” explanation is that God most certainly knew what adultery was and wrote down not to commit it and had Moses pass it one with the other nine commandments but one of the things I came to understand that some rules exist to prevent known stuff; like, you put in rules to prevent stealing because you know people are stealing left and right.

We get into the marriage vows where those who marry – and before God and company – swear to keep only unto themselves and to let no man put asunder which also includes not letting no woman do any sundering and this fits right into the seventh commandment and, to some extent – and depending on interpretation, the tenth commandment about not coveting anything that your neighbor might have – thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife is part of the tenth.

Must be something to this if it was actually mentioned twice, huh? So, okay, we’re not supposed to commit adultery or doing any coveting of the other guy’s wife… and these rules exist because, um, yeah – we were known to do this and something had to be done about it.

Any many of us follow and obey a set of rules that were laid down in the BC days of our existence and it has always been assumed that everyone will obey without question or exception… or else. Some have said that these rules were actually designed by man, tagged with the “God said this” label, and for the purpose of controlling everyone’s behavior and pretty much making people do shit the way they wanted it done without having to explain why it had to be this way other than “God said so.”

Except that’s not how people behave, is it? We’re supposed to be faithful by rule and by deed of action and behavior… doesn’t really work the way it’s supposed to because, gasp, people do cheat and bisexuals are the worst cheaters ever born, you know, on top of the fact that they like gaining carnal knowledge of both men and women, the nasty heathens.

But not all bisexuals cheat and it’s a fact that gets ignored because it’s just easier to say that all bisexuals cheat – who wants to be bothered with the details? Indeed, not everyone in a relationship is of a mind to cheat but no one wants to say much about the fact that the potential for infidelity isn’t in place but, then again, maybe they do since you can be called a cheater for just thinking about it and then there’s emotional infidelity; ya might not be thinking about getting jiggy with someone but you’re in love with them in some way and a cheater because you’re only supposed to be in love with the person you’re in a relationship with.

Except… that’s not how people work, is it? It’s one of the things that confuses the shit out of someone when they become aware of their feelings – sexual or otherwise – for someone else because that’s not supposed to happen and because some really dead people said it’s not to supposed to. Doesn’t mean that a bisexual (or anyone else for that matter) is going to do a Jekyll and Hyde and become a serial cheater but a lot of stuff has been published by subject matter experts that, for one, being monogamous is unnatural for us and as such a social species and, well, some people just can’t be monogamous despite their best efforts.

I’ve said time and time again that the worst situation on the planet is to be bisexual and married and, yeah, being bisexual and being in a relationship but not married – we’ve roped up all those people who are biblically fornicating (a sin, by the way) and lumped into the same rules married people are mandated to follow – just without lawyers getting involved in most cases. Being monogamous is a commitment, a purpose, the epitome of being able to be and stay in a relationship for better or worse… except we, as a species, still doesn’t quite work like that and as mandated.

We worry ourselves sick over the possibility of being cheated on and there’s probably not very many people alive today who doesn’t know what this feels like. We will, more often than not, go to great lengths and do everything within our abilities to not be cheated on and, I think, sometimes without really thinking about some of those things laying the groundwork for the one thing you don’t want to happen… to happen.

I read something a long time ago that says the tighter you try to hold onto something, the easier it is for it to slip from your grasp. So, depending on your point of view, if you never want to be cheated on, um, don’t ever get into anything that remotely looks like a relationship. But if you do, the potential is now implied and sexuality, while potentially a reason, isn’t always the impetus for infidelity to occur.

All it takes is for wants, needs, and desires to be ignored or unfulfilled by the person who, theoretically, is supposed to take care of all those things and even any that might show up somewhere down the road, you know, like you have to be able to see into the future and somehow anticipate every single need, want, and desire your partner could ever think of. Sounds impossible? That’s because it is yet this is exactly what is demanded and expected of anyone who gets into a relationship.

How does one get around this? By “insisting” that you not ever want anything other than what your partner is willing or able to provide and now it gets really crazy because a whole lot of people believe and hold true that if you’re in a relationship with us – married or otherwise – we are all you are ever going to need… and as if wanting anything else just isn’t supposed to happen and I do mean anything.

Cheating. Okay, I was having a discussion with a woman one time and we were talking about cheating and I asked her, “If I were your man and you just decided to stop being intimate with me, who’s supposed to provide me with the intimacy I need?”

Her answer? “No one is.” I said to her, “Okay, if that’s the case, why would you be surprised that your man would cheat on you since you’re not gonna do whatever when, supposedly, it’s your “job” or “responsibility” to do this even if it’s only implied?”

She fired right back, “I don’t have to if I don’t want to!” and I allowed that this is true… and said that if she was still wondering why a guy would cheat on her, well, hmm, could that be a reason? She said it wasn’t… and I want all of you to think about that.

Any time that a person’s wants, needs, and desires are not being taken care of and as they expect them to be, the potential for infidelity – cheating – to show up is now in play. We always want to know how we can keep someone from cheating on us and the answer is, actually, a simple one: Don’t deprive your partner of whatever it might be that they want, need, and desire and to the best of your ability… and while a lot of people actually do their best in this… but not everyone is willing to do that, are they?

They don’t have to if they don’t want to, right? So relationships that has a resident bisexual isn’t going to have an easy time with their sexuality because it’s not very damned likely that their partner is going to “allow” them to explore their needs and desires because the rules of monogamy says they can’t. So bisexuals do find themselves in a stick situation and with some choices to make: Either do nothing about their wants, needs, and desires… or take matters into their own hands because it’s really the only other choice they have other than leaving the relationship which is expected and required in this situation… even if leaving the relationship is a worst-case scenario.

Yes… there is ethical or negotiated infidelity – breaking all the rules and both people agree to break the shit out of them… but how many people are willing to even think about this in order to preserve a relationship and, really, not get cheated on? Not very many and even when, intelligently, it just might make sense to, let’s say, modify the rules of engagement albeit in ways that will most certainly get other people to look at the two of you as if you’ve lost your ever-loving minds.

I’ve said it time and time again: Your relationship is only going to be as good as the two of you are willing to make it and, sexuality not withstanding, eh, not everyone is willing to do this… because they don’t have to if they don’t want to and they’re so totally against something like this that they would rather throw away a good relationship.

And you gotta wonder if this makes a whole lot of sense… and a lot of people are beginning to question the sense in this since life seems to be better when you can share it with someone.

Bisexuals aren’t the only demographic group that cheats – it’s just the one that’ll get a whole lot of attention because, as we all know, bisexuals are just greedy motherfuckers who are always wanting more than what they already have, right? Okay… but what if what they already have isn’t enough? Sucks to be them, doesn’t it? If “Karen” – and for any reason that makes sense to her – needs the touch, comfort and succor that only another woman can provide, well, guess what? The guy she’s with isn’t a woman although, hmm, that’s also possible but I’m not talking about that one. She’s with a man… and that’s all she’s ever supposed to want and need.

Except… people don’t work like that. We try to work like that and, yeah, sometimes, we fail because those rules are and were designed to suppress certain behaviors in us and, at the time, for what was a good reason but, these days, a reason that no longer exists or isn’t as crucial as it once was.

Sigh. It’s one hell of a social clusterfuck, ain’t it? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I just get sick and tired of hearing about bisexuals being serial cheaters when I know that we aren’t the only ones who can have reason to cheat and that reason might not make sense to anyone but the person who feels that their only recourse is to invoke infidelity and the unnegotiated kind. Many feel that it is still better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission… because asking for and getting that permission just cannot should not ever be done.

Except, a lot of people are changing their minds about that because it doesn’t make sense for them to throw away a good relationship when they don’t have to; some are changing their minds because, believe it or not, some “infidelity” is actually a good thing for them to experience because it allows personal growth in a great many areas and I’m not just talking about things sexual; sometimes, just being able to revel in one’s thoughts without getting their head handed to them just works.

We need to rethink this cheating thing. We’ve been of a mind that you’re either monogamous or you aren’t but today? People are figuring out ways to be both and are able to find the level of happiness that keeps them together rather than to pull them apart. Don’t want your partner to cheat on you? Don’t give them a reason to but threats and ultimatums might not be the way to achieve this – we’ve always taken this route and it’s not really all that effective. Dealing with a resident bisexual and you ain’t feeling that? Understand that their being bisexual is about them and not so much about you… unless you’re the one who had them turn to the bi side (and who’s gonna admit that they actually made their partner cheat on them?).

We need to reinvent what it means to be in a relationship so that cheating can be eradicated; the sad part is not everyone is of a mind to work toward this because they believe in the “old ways” and nothing is going to change their mind and, yeah, that’s about the time they get cheated on or find themselves looking for another relationship because they’ve failed to do everything in their power to take care of their partner’s wants, needs, and desires… and because they don’t have to if they don’t want to.

Some seriously fucked up shit… and it’s not just a bisexual problem.

 
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Posted by on 1 February 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Redefining "The Closet"

The closet. That place where those who aren’t overt and/or loud and proud about their sexuality are said to reside, hidden from sight, huddling within a blanket of anonymity and shaking in their boots in fear of any “light” shining into this dark place that might reveal their presence there.

Yet, there are a lot of people who have things about themselves that they’d rather not make “public,” right? Things that, in their minds, is no one’s business but their own? Too much information? Of course there are so it’s not that big of a deal… or you’d think it wouldn’t be.

I’m not even sure of when the term ‘being in the closet’ was born and I’m kinda/sort sure I didn’t hear it until some time in 1980 or thereabouts – and then someone had to explain to me what it meant and, oh, okay – I guess that makes sense and, might I point out that the way it was explained to me was in reference to homosexuals? Made even more sense given how much homosexuals were being shat upon, from being disowned by family and friends to some losing their lives due to suicide and murder.

Still, if there’s something about you that you don’t want anyone to know, you just don’t and won’t tell them and no matter how much they ask you to reveal all of your secrets and, again, everyone is like this. When it comes to sexuality, you kinda wonder why not knowing someone’s sexuality is so much of a problem considering how we’ve always maintained that our sex lives are a very private thing and something never to be shared with others and, sometimes, to the point where you don’t talk about it with the person you’re having sex with.

Nothing unusual going on here, right? You can assume that I’m getting laid and I may neither confirm nor deny that I am… because it isn’t any of your fucking business. I could be wrong but being private about some stuff is akin to be closeted, wouldn’t you agree?

Here’s the “problem” those folks who are trying to get a headcount for bisexuals is running into: Bisexuals, because they look like everyone else, hide in plain sight which, “historically,” if you’re gonna hide something, hiding it right under everyone’s nose is the best place. For those folks who have… issues with anyone who isn’t straight, I’m surprised they aren’t taking huge doses of anti-psychotics since they are literally surrounded by a whole lot of people who’s sexual preferences are unknown to them and that can include anyone within their private circle.

It’s been assumed over all this time that “being in the closet” is a bad thing when, truthfully, I’m not so sure it is or that it should be since, again, we hold true that however you’re getting laid and who you’re getting laid with isn’t anyone else’s business, that and even those bisexuals who aren’t out to everyone on the planet do, in fact, carry on with their lives just like everyone else does and that includes living with some shit about themselves that they’d prefer no one else becomes privy to.

I’ve never understood the often overwhelming urge to tell everyone you know that you’re not as straight as it maybe thought and hoped for – it’s crazily powerful. In some ways, I do “get it” because coming to grips with your bisexuality is pretty liberating all by itself and, I dunno, being set free in this just makes people want to shout it to the mountaintops even though – and thanks to the plight homosexuals have had to deal with over all this time, eh, that might not be a good or smart thing to do.

So you just don’t tell anyone; you keep it under your hat, privatize it, have that internalized battle with that… thing that wants you to reveal your bisexuality, and go on about your business as usual. Over the last several years, there’s been a call and even a demand that all bisexuals come out of their respective closets and be recognized and if you don’t, well, you’re just really all fucked up as a person and even if, by coming out to one and all, the end result is you get your whole life fucked up in the process.

Yeah… that doesn’t sound like a good thing, does it? I’m sure there are a lot of you who are reading this who wouldn’t be of a mind to just walk up to someone you know and just start talking about what happened the last time you got laid and like you’re having a discussion about the weather or some other mundane topic. As a matter of fact, it’s a safe bet you’re having sex in some ways that would, if made public knowledge, be pretty embarrassing.

You probably wouldn’t do this anymore than you’d break out all of your sex toys and put them on display in your living room because if you have them, it’s no one else’s business that you have enough of them to open your own web-based store. Hell, your partner probably knows that you have some toys and they might even know where you keep them which is out of sight.

Or in the closet, as it were and, yeah, that can be very literal, huh?

For bisexuals, the question now should I come out and who do I come out to? Among married bisexuals, the cry is echoing across the land to come out to your spouse and with total and full disclosure and stop being that asshole of a liar and putting their life at risk… and even if you’re not having any of the sex, by the way, and taking a chance of not being married after the lawyers get done with you and to the extent that when the dust settles, you won’t even have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Yeah… let’s not and say we did, okay? I’ve been of a mind – and for the longest time now – that if there’s someone you have to come out to, it’s yourself and anyone else is on a need-to-know basis… and there are just some people who do not need to know and you know why they don’t need to know. Now, we can get all into that being a liar thing because there’s something about yourself that you’re not telling people but, again, doesn’t that make everyone a liar since, again, we all have some stuff about ourselves that we will never tell someone and, if asked, will categorically deny any knowledge of?

Sure it does because we’re not only human but if there’s sometime we value more than anything else, it’s our privacy and we do reserve and, sometimes, fiercely defend our right not to tell anyone something we do not want them to know.

So what’s the big deal about “being in the closet” when pretty much everyone is in the closet about something about themselves? It’s like being on the down-low a place, that today, is seen as something worse than being in the scariest places in whatever hell or purgatory you care to believe in… except, keeping something on the down-low is really invoking your right to privacy and not telling everyone around you what, if anything, you’re doing that you don’t want anyone else to know now or ever. Indeed, a whole of people, as a matter of course and routine, will have something that needs to be revealed and won’t reveal it until they’re ready to, from making sure they know what they’re talking about or about to do and, yeah, figuring out how whatever they’re keeping under their hat for them moment is going to be accepted or how it’s gonna work.

We all do it which effectively puts every last one of us on the down-low even if for a relatively small amount of time. Sure, yeah, sometimes you get your ass busted for not saying something about it before you said something – or whatever it was got discovered but, okay – depending on what that was might put you in the doghouse for a moment or two but those routine kinds of things, it’s not likely to get you dissed by everyone you know. Ever buy someone a gift or a present and surprised them with it? Yeah – you kept that on the down-low, didn’t you? Kept it to yourself? Privatized it? About to tell me that that this is different than “hiding” your sexuality from everyone?

I say it isn’t different and I’m wondering why you’d think it is given how much about yourself and what you do each and every day that no one else knows about?

It is assumed that bisexuals in the closet are quite dysfunctional and in a great many ways. They’re habitual and serial liars for keeping this information to themselves even though most of the time, it’s information that they’ve not yet come to terms with so let me get something straight here – and this time the pun is intended: You mean to tell me that you’re potentially going to kick my ass for not telling you about something going on with me that I’m not sure I understand? Call me a liar and some kind of an asshole because you want me to run my mouth about something I don’t know what I’m talking about, now or yet?

What kind of all holy hell are you gonna bring down on me if I do know what’s going on with me and I tell you about it and making it clear that this is something new to me? Are you gonna call me a liar because I didn’t make any mention of this when we first met? Oh, wait – how can I be lying about something that wasn’t going on with me when we first met? Gonna start accusing me of doing some shit I’m not doing? Gonna take shit even more out in left field and make what I’ve been keeping from you all about you more than it is about me?

Gonna get all bent out of shape when I do reveal all and in as much detail as I’m capable of… and you’re gonna keep acting like you didn’t understand the words that came out of my mouth? And, by the way, do you wanna tell me about all that shit you have in your own closet that you deemed I didn’t need – or have the right – to know? Oh, okay – we’re not gonna talk about that, are we? So what you’re telling me – and correct me if I’m wrong – is that you have the right to keep things from me because it’s none of my business… but my right to do the same thing has been revoked and is invalid?

Really? Houston, we have a problem…

I am a bisexual and I am out… except, not everyone I know has been told that I’m bisexual nor is everyone I might come in contact with. Why? Ain’t none of their business and I’ve deemed that they don’t need to know. Um, does that mean that I’m in the closet, too? If you didn’t already know that I’m bisexual, how would you know that I was and I’m acting closeted about it because, you know, chances are that I don’t, won’t, or can’t find a reason to just blurt out, “Hey, I’m bisexual – just thought you needed to know that before we shake hands, okay?”

And if that, dear readers, sounds patently ridiculous, you’d be right – it is… but my not telling one and all that I’m bisexual is seen as heinous behavior? Makes me a liar? A clear and present danger to everyone around me? But that’s what those who are making coming out of the closet is making this out to be, that you’re just the worst kind of motherfucker if you’ve not told everyone that you’re bisexual. So what if doing so winds up totally and completely fucking your life up and the lives of those who know you? What’s that you say? I’m putting, say, my wife in danger? Well, shit – I do that every time she gets in the car with me and I’m driving – what’s your point? Oh – I might give her an STD? Well, hmm… chances are she’d give me one – you do know about UTI’s and yeast infections and other coochie related stuff, don’t you?

Oh, and help me out with this one: How can I be putting her in danger of catching something nasty if she’s the only person I’m having sex with even though I’m bisexual? Explain this one to me. Oh… you’re just gonna tell me that she needs to know anyway, aren’t’ you? Explain that one to me, too, since it’s a given that there’s some shit about her I don’t know and will never know. Should I tell my parents and run the risk of them getting pissed with me and maybe even get them thinking that they didn’t raise me right? Tell my siblings? Tell my co-workers? The pastor at church?

Now, when I say, “I,” I’m not talking about myself since my wife does know I’m bisexual and doesn’t have a problem with it. But there are a lot of people who would have a problem with it and since I know what kind of irrational shit is going to come out of their mouths and knowing that they don’t have a clue about what they’re talking about, eh, why would I bother to tell them something that, for one, is none of their business and for another, something I’d rather not be bothered with?

Shit… there are other bisexuals that I won’t tell that I’m bisexual. Does that mean I’m closeted? The funny thing is someone would say that I am or that I’ve not told enough people – or even the “right” people, like maybe I should go to a local LGBTQ+ meeting and tell everyone my name and that I’m bisexual… and like I’m going to an AA meeting or something.

Yeah. Exactly what I should do and it’s being shoved into many a bisexual mind that this is exactly what they should do and if they don’t spill the beans about themselves, they’re all kinds of fucked up and dishonorable.

We should make the notion of “being in the closet” a non-issue since, at a high level, we are all in the closet about something and especially when it comes to having sex. It should not be a “crime” not to tell anyone about your sexuality that, in your determination, shouldn’t be told unless you deem it a damned good reason to tell them. Someone suspects that you’re bisexual and is asking you to confirm their suspicions? Ask them to tell you something about themselves that no one else knows… and find out what happens. I’ve actually done that and ain’t it funny how they’re not of a mind to do that? But you’re gonna give me some shit about not telling you something I don’t want you to know about me?

How does that work? How can it work? Yet, there are an untold number of bisexuals who, at this very moment, are worrying themselves sick about whether to come out or not even when they’re reasonably sure that it’s not going to be in their best interest to leave the “safety” of their self-made prison known as the closet. Do some folks come out and do so with their head still attached to their body?

Sure they do… doesn’t mean this desired outcome is gonna happen as a matter of course and for everyone because there will always be someone who has a problem with bisexuality. There’s a lot of fear being injected into this and I get it since, by our very nature, we tend to be afraid of that which we don’t understand and we just don’t understand sexuality as much as we think we do.

We value our privacy above all else; we reserve the right to not tell someone anything we don’t think they need to know or we don’t wanna be bothered with explaining it. We all do it, even those people who say they always tell the truth and they have no secrets. We hold true that there’s no reason for anyone to lie about anything… but we also hold true that people lie… because people do. Not really that big of a deal…

But not telling one and all that you’re bisexual or that you think you may be? About as wrong as anything else about being bisexual gets, the worst kind of liar that could ever be born and makes lies of omission a seriously head-scratching kind of thing since there’s a lot of shit that goes on with everyone each and every moment of each and every day that we just don’t tell anyone about and most of it are things we deemed no one else needs to know. It’s either of no consequence… or it’s none of your damned business, thank you very much.

I entitled this “Redefining the Closet” when, perhaps, it should have been “The Closet Isn’t a Real Place After All” because it really isn’t when you stop and think about it because being in the closet isn’t really a thing that only concerns sexuality and I just don’t think it should be an issue.

If you need to tell someone, tell them and whatever happens, happens. If you don’t need to tell them, then don’t. Doesn’t mean that you’re hiding in some dank, dark closet – there’s just something about you that you don’t think a whole lot of people need to know about and more so when history has proven that if you tell someone this, it usually doesn’t go well for the teller.

Or like my very wise mother used to tell me, “You never give someone a stick to beat you with.” Yet, by demanding that bisexuals all come out, that’s exactly what you’re asking us to do. Not of a mind to tell your partner that you’re bisexual because you know that if you do, the shit is going to hit the fan and might put an end to an otherwise good relationship? Well, sure – it’s the premise behind ignorance being blissful, silence being golden, and what you don’t know can’t hurt you except, factually, there are situations where this isn’t the truth at all.

Coming out just isn’t one of them and being closeted about something ain’t really as bad as everyone is making it out to be because it’s like I said, it’s not like you’re going to volunteer to tell everyone you know about how you have sex, who you have it with, everything you’ve ever done that’s sex-related or anything you’ve ever thought about regarding things sexual.

Because it’s private. Too much information. None of anyone else’s business what you’re thinking and doing when it comes to things sexual. A lot of bloggers will tell it and with all the juicy details… because it’s not very likely you will ever know who they really are and, honestly, some of us don’t give a fuck that you know.

I am bisexual and I really don’t give a fuck who knows any more than I give a fuck about who doesn’t like it since, um, there ain’t shit they can do about it but at the same time, there are – and will be – some people who just do not need to know that I’m bisexual because, here in my old age, I have better things to do than to try to explain something to them that, chances are, they’re not going to accept and you just do not ever give someone a stick to beat you with and you sure as fuck don’t go around asking for trouble to come pay you a visit.

Ever. Does that mean I’m in the closet? Or am I really being just like everyone else on the planet who’s not of a mind to tell everyone everything about themselves?

 
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Posted by on 22 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Hearts, Not Parts

I remember the day I was reading an article on bisexuality and this was the focus of the article, the notion that bisexuality should be about the person more than them having tits, asses, cocks, coochies, what have you…

And I thought that this position being stressed was ludicrous and patently ridiculous. The article went on to say that to be bisexual, being in a same-sex relationship is key to true bisexuality – and I want you to keep in mind that this article isn’t the only one I’ve read that states this case so it’s not a one-off kind of thing.

What I know – but what I am sure those writing such dribble may not be aware of – is that before one dives into the parts, they do, in fact, think about the person they’re about to have sex with… but, perhaps, not in the way the “Hearts, Not Parts” gang is insisting upon.

I see a lot of bisexuals saying that, fuck, I must not be bi because I don’t want to be in a same-sex relationship and, wait – wouldn’t that make me gay? I see a lot of bisexuals who are saying they aren’t gonna get naked for anyone unless a relationship can be established first and foremost.

I’ve actually had people tell me that because I don’t look at men romantically, I’m not really bi… and some of the people who have said this to me are, themselves, bisexual.

Think about that one for a moment.

I have said and maintained for the longest time that when it comes to liking someone – that hearts thing – you only have to like them enough to want to have sex with them, you know, provided they’re gonna agree to it. Even in this, the common sense thing to do is to find out something about the other person other than what their name is but, okay, sure – being spontaneous doesn’t always allow for any in-depth investigation so you take what little information is at hand and make a judgement call one way or the other – okay, let’s go somewhere and do this or, no, thanks for offering and you go on about your business.

But it continues to amaze me how people who aren’t bisexual are trying to tell bisexuals how to be bisexual. Do you remember that I’ve written about my suspicions that bisexuality is being normalized? That many are going about being bisexual in almost the exact same way they’d pursue opposite sex stuff and, in particular, turning their noses up on casual sex?

That’s “hearts, not parts” at work. There is currently a revival of a very old post on the forum that asks whether one is more about the man… or just about the dick… and the responses are quite interesting in that there are more responses where being about the man first and the dick second overwhelmingly outnumbers the guys who say it’s all about the dick and the guy it’s attached to isn’t of issue all that much.

Some of the “man first” guys think that the “dick only” guys are crazy and are going about this the wrong way when, in fact, um, both ways are the right way. The push toward hearts, not parts, has gotten to the point where a lot of guys on the forum actually believe that if they have an NSA encounter with another guy, they’re going to be fatally infected with something as a matter of course and “fact.” Why?

Because there’s no relationship in place. Now, here in the US, it’s a little known fact that the only legal sex is relationship sex; everything else, even with consent factored in, is deem to be immoral – the sin of fornication. We are all raised to approach sex in a relationship-mode only and to never, ever have sex with someone we don’t have feelings for that are more than those of friendship.

That’s heteronormative stuff and stuff we live by – except for gay folks, of course but the homonormative view of things suspiciously looks just like the heteronormative view. Bisexuality “comes along” and just fucks both of those view up and after the initial shock of this “revelation,” now there’s a lot of “hearts, not parts” stuff flying around and insisting that, okay, you nasty-assed, confused critters: If you’re gonna do this, you gotta do it like this and if you don’t, then there’s no way you can be bisexual.

Y’all know what friends with benefits are, right? I know what it started out to be: A non-exclusive kind of relationship that provides all of the perks – sex – without imposing any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. I like you enough to want to have sex with you… but we don’t need to be boyfriend/girlfriend in that sense. We can hang out, do the nasty with each other, go on about our lives until we decide to hook up again to just hang out and screw each other silly if we want to.

But “hearts, not parts” has changed this with the inclusion of the one thing FWB sought to avoid: Exclusivity… and it is being implied even when the two people being FWB with each other are in a relationship already and if you think that this sounds weird to be non-monogamous but invoking a form of monogamy, join the club – I think it’s fascinatingly weird but, for some, it works because “hearts, not parts” is being satisfied while, at the same time – and specifically with men, I think, providing an illusion of safety when, um, that’s not really the case since chances are you have no idea where your FWB’s dick has been when he’s not with you.

The question, at least in my mind, is whether or not a more “hearts, not parts” approach to bisexuality is a real necessity or is it really a continuation of our dislike of casual, NSA sex? I see lots of guys clamoring to take the plunge but they’re not going to unless the other guy is into them – and into them for more than just the sex. I’ve seen guys set conditions for plunging to the point where it makes trying to screw a woman look easy by comparison and, trust me – it was never like that before.

I see guys approaching the M2M thing in the same way they’d go about getting with a woman and I was, at first, stunned to see this but then I got to thinking about it – why were guys behaving like this? Oh, that’s right – dealing with women is really the only thing we know about.

Now, I’m not saying that “hearts, not parts” is a bad thing – I just question whether or not it’s a mandatory requirement since the reality I understand says that it isn’t because, um, it never was before but, sure – I get it: That was then, this is now… except you can’t overlook the fact that a lot of men – and maybe even women – just want the sex; they want to get at the parts and if doing so turns out to be the shit for them, well, let’s get together more often. Men are funnier about being emotionally attached to other men while women, at least in theory, don’t have that problem so much.

Some guys are scared shitless to think that they might fall in love with another guy – wow, that’s just too fucking gay for their sensibilities to contend with, ain’t it? The implication is that “hearts, not parts” is all about love and romance and let’s face it: Some people just ain’t feeling that. They want the sex and, preferably, with someone they like enough to want to have sex with them and, hopefully, the other person feels the same way.

I really don’t know anyone who has had “a bad feeling” about someone who is propositioning them for sex and they’ve said, “Okay, I guess I should go to bed with them even though everything is telling me not to.” And if it has happened, well, I don’t know about it – and that doesn’t count having any regrets after the fact, by the way. To this end, some people just feel… wrong; they don’t say the right things in the right way and some other stuff that sets off all kinds of alarms inside one’s head so the proposition gets rejected. Even after some more in-depth conversation, yeah, there’s something about the shit in their head that you’re not feeling – and it could be anything from a favorite sports team to politics, religion, money – pick something, anything that draws a line between liking someone and liking them enough to even think about having sex with them if it were possible.

To me, this whole thing is pretty normal and spits in the face of the bullshit going around that says a bisexual will not only sleep with anyone, they don’t even think about it… and you’ve seen me write many times about how this isn’t true – we do think about it before we decide to get naked with someone.

We just don’t primarily and foremost think about it in a “hearts, not parts” kind of way. We want the sex – I mean, who doesn’t? – but we don’t always want the romance that’s always been implied whether one is straight, bi, or straight. They say that friends should never fuck their friends but, on the other hand, if you can’t fuck someone you know a great deal about and someone you’re really comfortable with, um, who can you have sex with?

It’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t… although, yeah, the one you don’t know could be just as much fun.

It really comes down to how someone wants to go about being bisexual which, duh, that’s sensible and reasonable. If they need some “being into” going on before getting naked, it just is what it is and if little or no “being into” is what floats the boat, this, too, just is what it is.

But I think it’s fucked up, limiting and even controlling to insist that unless you’re ready, willing, and able to be in a loving, romantic, same-sex situation, your bisexuality is invalidated – you just cannot be the duck you quack like. We are looking at this as if the loving relationship is the main goal and just like we’ve always looked at this when, in fact, a whole lot of us – and regardless to sexuality – just wanna get laid, nothing more, nothing less.

Would you believe that there are bi guys pitching a bitch because they’re finding themselves being sexually objectified… and they’re not liking this one bit? Some guys are saying that if you’re not gonna be about me, you’re not ever gonna get me in bed and that’s non-negotiable. Hook up with a guy and have sex with him while knowing I might not ever see him again? Unspeakable! Horror of horrors! I’m more than just a piece of ass and a means to a sticky end! If you can’t value me as the person I am, I don’t care how much we wanna do the nasty with each other – it ain’t gonna happen!

And does this sound familiar to you? It should. Here’s the “problem.”

We want to be cared about and respected if we’re gonna give up our bodies to someone so we can scratch that itch we have to have sex but, fuck, there are also people out there who aren’t of a mind to care about or respect the person you are because, like it or not, you really are a sexual object to them and all they wanna do it to get to know you just enough to have sex with you. Guys pitch a bitch about using the apps and getting propositioned by those dudes who won’t even bother to engage in general conversation – and, yes, I’m one of them and I say that if you don’t have time to talk to me, you don’t have time to have sex with me.

We ain’t gotta be all into each other but if you ain’t gonna tell me anything else about you other than what you wanna do to me, it’s not gonna happen, not because I require some “being into” but because I’m not stupid and my safety is a very prime consideration. And if you try to bullshit me, um, yeah, that’s not gonna work – did you forget that I’m just as much of a guy as you are and I’m not likely going to believe some of the shit you’re telling me – and because I am well-versed in what it takes to convince a woman that she’s not gonna make a mistake going to bed with me?

“Hearts, not parts” makes good sense for some people. I just don’t think or believe that not invoking “hearts, not parts” as a standard invalidates anyone’s bisexual and it sure as hell does not make any sex outside of this context empty or meaningless… but a lot of people believe this is the case – and again, regardless to sexuality – so since this is the way it should be, it should be this way across the sexuality spectrum, right?

No. Unless this is really what works best for you; otherwise, imposing your will on someone else who might not be feeling things like this – and at this very high level – well, that kinda sucks and not in a good way. What is being said is that if you’re bisexual or even think you are, unless you’re going to be romantically involved with someone, do not have sex with them and no matter how blue your balls are (if you’re a guy, of course) and it’s because, again, we hold true to the fact that you should never, ever, have sex with someone you don’t “care” about and they don’t “care” about you.

And to see this, just think about what it would take for someone to convince you to have sex with them. Go ahead – think about it and I’ll wait for you to get finished thinking. While you’re thinking about this, also think about what’s the least or minimal requirement you have for someone to get access to your goodies and if you do, in fact, have a minimum requirement, look at what it is and give some thought about how someone would, most likely, give you funny looks because you’re minimum requirements just might not have shit to do with being into you and all that lovey-dovey stuff that you probably don’t wanna deal with – you just wanna get laid and safely so.

This just might get you to see the fallacy in “hearts, not parts.” With anyone, the minimum thing for me is to be clean, healthy, of legal age to consent, and not be my idea of an asshole or a cunt. You should see what other guys require – makes getting into a woman’s panties look easier than it really is and this, my friends, is no joke. And because there are “experts” telling bisexuals that if we’re not gonna be into someone, get romantic with them and with the purpose of having a relationship, there is no way in hell that we’re really bisexual.

You have got to be fuckin’ kidding me… That line, from the Kurt Russell version of “The Thing” is rather apt and appropriate for this, don’t you think?

 
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Posted by on 8 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Do They Know What They're Missing?

I’ve been having a rather spirited conversation with a guy on the forum about, um, doing the nasty with guys and at one point, he opined that guys who aren’t interested in this aspect of sex don’t know what they’re missing and, to expand on that, yeah, sure – people who are not of a mind to have sex like this may not know what they’re missing… but some of them do know: They’re just not of a mind to cross the line because we’re not supposed to shit like that.

If nothing else, what they may be missing is an… expansion of their desire to have sex. See, when it comes to bisexuality, many people think that straddling the line is exchanging one form of sex for another… and that’s the wrong way to think about it.

You’re not substituting one form of sex for another – you’re adding to whatever sex you’re already having or, as my protege aptly put it, you’re adding something to your sexual menu. There’s always the stigma against such activities yet, despite the presence of the stigma, um, people are adding to their sexual diet just the same. Many resist this addition to their diet because they’re thinking about who – whether the additional menu item is male or female – but not thinking about what – having sex in an expanded kind of way.

I get a kick out of the many people I have heard say they love sex but ask them if they’d go the same-sex route and, oops, nope – they don’t love sex that much but, again, I think it’s because they’re thinking who and not what. One of the things I learned early on is that your body doesn’t care who is pleasuring it – but your mind does. A long time ago, I conducted an experiment with a group of people who were of a mind that who was doing something did make a difference. Made some blindfolds, set some conditions – go down on someone and no extra touching allowed – and while you’re being sucked or eaten, tell everyone how you’re feeling – then take off your blindfold.

Many of the participants were shocked but it proved the point I was trying to make: Your body doesn’t care – only your mind does because it’s been conditioned to think that way… until that conditioning gets broken by some means and for some reason. What made the experiment even interesting is that no one in attendance objected to the conditions of the experiment.

Think about that one for a moment or two.

I asked a question in yesterday’s scribble: What’s the difference between a man eating a woman’s coochie and a woman doing it? The only difference is who is doing it and, of course, the same goes with sucking cock. There are some subliminal differences, shit that you’re aware of but cannot put into words like, women just “feel” different from guys and there’s that whole thing that only women are supposed to suck dick and only guys can eat pussy.

And it’s a lie and a bald-faced one at that. A lot of people know it’s a lie… but social perception, wow, that’s a motherfucker and a half, ain’t it, will keep a lot of people right where they are even if somewhere deep inside their mind, hmm, ya know, it might not be that bad of an idea to find out what all the fussing is about. They don’t and, I think, it’s not because they’re worried about having sex like this so much as they are seriously worried about what others will think should it be discovered that “Dorothy” got her coochie eaten like never before – and it was “Sara” who sent her way beyond seventh heaven.

I’d not say that it’s not a genuine concern because it is – our society, on the whole, still reacts very badly to such things but the question I ask people who point to this as to why they’d never do anything like that is, “How would someone else know that you did this? There’s only two ways that could happen: Either you told someone else or the person you did it with told someone that you both knew – and the word spread faster than the speed of light.”

Otherwise, um, who would know other than yourself and the person you were having this kind of sex with?

Do they know what they’re missing? Again, a lot of people do know; they correctly understand that there must be something to it… because there are a lot of people throwing it down like that – and “a lot” is a gross understatement. The real question is do they wanna risk being shat upon and dismissed from there circle of associates by finding out if it’s true that women eat pussy better than men or that men suck cock better than women?

Many don’t and that’s understandable. People aren’t stupid; it doesn’t take being Wile E. Coyote to reason that, um, having your pussy eaten or your dick sucked feels really damned good and that the only thing that really makes a difference is the skill level of the person doing it. Some folks are of a mind that they’d not go this route because they don’t think they’d be good at it. A real concern… but we learn by doing, don’t we and many people get surprised to find out that, hmm, they’re much better at it than they originally thought.

Guys fucking each other. Scary stuff, right? I’ve asked guys who have had anal sex with women what they though the difference was doing the same thing to a guy… and they’ve all said, “It’s a guy!” when the real answer is, “There is no difference – you’re thinking about the person and not the act itself.” But sticking your dick in a guy’s ass is one thing… having a guy stick his dick in your ass? Whoa – hold up! Yeah, we all know it hurts and that “no one in their right mind would do that” given what that orifice is for… yet, we know that there are men who prefer, like, and love to be fucked and, yup, it doesn’t matter if the object in their backside is the real thing or a fake thing… attached by straps to a woman and some guys prefer a woman pegging them over a man dicking them down.

Why? Because they’re thinking who and not what so much. It is to note that a lot of the guys who like being pegged really do want to know what having the real thing inside them feels like… but they’re afraid to find out and the social angst and all the disease cards being thrown around keeps them from finding out. Do they know what they’re missing?

Yeah… they do, but. What’s the different between a woman pegging a guy and a man having his cock in there? A couple of things and the first is obviously “who…” that and a guy is gonna bust a nut in there (and, safely, in a condom).

Now, it is said that one cannot miss that which they’ve never had and, by and large, this is an accurate statement… except when it comes to sex because while there are many who have not had this kind of sex, there are many, many more who have thought about it – and even if they’ve rejected the notion. What would it be like? Would it be different? Good? The worst thing ever? What would my friends think? Shit, what would I think should such a thing happened and I find that I liked it?

Some folks know people who goes both ways and some are privy to the juicy details so, as least in this context, they do know what they’re missing and more so if, say, “Dorothy” tells “Laura” – and because “Laura has proven that she can be trusted – that “Sara” ate the living daylights out of her and, shit, she didn’t know it could be that good.

And “Laura” might think that, uh-uh – I’d never do that… but what if “Dorothy” has stumbled onto something? She liked it and I know she said she’d never allow that to happen, never thought about it, wouldn’t do it for any reason… but she did.

Hmm. Maybe “Laura” sticks to her guns and chooses not to find out what “Dorothy” has found out – but can it be said that she now knows what she might be missing? And, if she chooses not to, why did she? I’d say that she’s not thinking about getting her pussy eaten – she’s thinking about who’d do it and they’re not male – and thinking about the social angst she’d be subjected to if anyone ever found out.

The truth is that not everyone can break the social conditioning against having sex like this. Some people are aware that there’s something missing in their sexual life and maybe they do, in fact, know what’s missing – but they reject the notion because, forever and ever, people are not supposed to have sex like this…

And in the face of the very real fact that a lot of people are having sex like this and, again, “a lot” is a very gross understatement on my part. Do they know what they’re missing? Maybe. Are they afraid of it? Definitely. Some find out and they’re indifferent about it while others find out and it literally changes their lives because everything they’ve been taught about sex just got invalidated.

It can feel very damned good to have a guy suck your dick and it can feel very damned good to have a woman licking your coochie. We maintain and hold as true that only a woman knows what a woman wants; the reverse is true for men but, ah, we don’t talk about that in this context. And there’s a reason why this “truism” has been around for as long as it has been and even women who are “strictly dickly” have heard this – and they generally agree – but. There’s always that “but” that shows up and the same with guys although, eh, we’re not so much of a mind to admit that except to maybe say that “it makes sense…” but.

Many folks are of a mind that they aren’t missing anything where this is concerned but maybe even they’re wondering why there are so many people who are, um, not missing anything because they’ve added this to the sexual diet. Do I think they’re missing something? Yeah, I do – and it’s not just the sex they’re missing out on.

Okay… there’s nothing wrong with being just straight or gay – if it ain’t broke, don’t fuck with it, right? Some people are bi because it is broken and some are bi because they knew something was missing – then found out what it was and the matter of “who” was providing what was missing becomes a non-issue – it’s the what, the sex, the intimacy and, yup, it’s a “different” way to get one’s cookies crumbled.

There is a reason why people who do this for the first time often say, “I didn’t know it could be like this!” or “Now I know what I’ve been missing.” Not so much “who” – although, sure, that matters to some – but “what” – another way to have sex and in addition to the way they’re already having it.

Do they know what they’re missing? Probably – and some are happy missing it… but that is and has been changing exponentially…

 
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Posted by on 2 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Summing It Up

2019 is fading fast, 2020 is on the horizon and no one really knows what this new year is going to bring. There are many bisexuals who spent 2019 trying to figure out their bisexuality, trying to find someone they can explore their bisexuality with, and some throwing the rule book out the window so they can dip their toes into the water for the first time or for the first time in a long time.

Bisexuality is still very much alive and well but with more attention being called to it, it seems to be much more problematic than in days gone by… but I’m sure bisexuals in the generation before I was born were thinking that they had it bad and that the generation that followed them were having an “easier” time expressing their sexuality.

Throughout 2019 – and, really, since I made this a thing to write about a lot – I’ve said that I can remember all the stuff being said about sexuality beginning in 1969 and, fifty years later, it’s still being said and with more focus on sexually transmitted illnesses but this, too, is nothing new under the sun; back then, the big scary thing was syphilis, today it’s HIV.

With more social exposure, the issues around bisexuality seem to be cyclic – a repeating pattern of sorts; many people get shocked to discover their same-sex attraction while for some, eh, it’s not so shocking because they’ve been feeling this way quite early in their existence. Pretty much the same questions/issues about who to tell about this, what to do, who to do it with, and how to do it and, of course, how to get it done without too many others being the wiser.

Being bisexual and in a relationship is still a major problem but a problem that’s being solved by many by, again, throwing the rule book out the closest window, asking for permission to take a step to the side in the relationship and their partner is willing to come along for the ride. Still, the spectre of infidelity continues to hang over things, leaving people stuck in place and unwilling to do anything about being bisexual – while pitching several bitches about their need to do something.

Also cyclic, I think, has been how younger folks are embracing bisexuality a lot more and better than the generation that came before them; there’s always this one group of folks who have arrived late to the party, bypassing the cycle of youthful exploration and, perhaps, were of a mind that they’d never get involved with stuff like this – and now, here they are. That greater exposure has revealed that there are a lot of 50+-somethings who have decided that bisexuality is a necessity in their lives as marriages and other long term relationships go sexless.

This, too, is nothing new under the sun – it’s just a thing that there is higher visibility of this particular cycle of behavior. While 2019 – and, really, the last few years – have shown more emphasis on relationships being the proof of one’s bisexuality – and the favored way to be bisexual – again, nothing new to see here because the emotional aspects of bisexuality have always been in play. Perhaps not so much “falling in love” but there’s been a noticeable shift in the dynamic where having that emotional connection has been of greater import than “running around” and having sex with anyone who’s willing – the much-dreaded hookup aka NSA or casual sex.

It remains a consistent thing that bisexuals are damned near impossible to identify and it’s been said by those who are trying to quantify bisexuality that there just might be more bisexuals than there are heterosexuals and homosexuals combined… and that’s just here in the United States; when you think about bisexuality at a global scale, this theory is rather mind-boggling given the world’s current population.

And, yes – the myths, stereotypes, and misconceptions are still running rampant and they’ve not changed a whole lot except for the insinuation that being bisexual is quite hazardous to one’s mental health and making one prone to acts of domestic violence. People are bashing bisexuals in the same manner that homosexuals were once bashed; the existence of bisexuality is being called into question and not so differently from the existence of homosexuality was being denied.

2019 is going away… and what remains is the mind-boggling fact that there are still people who’d rather believe in the way things are supposed to be rather than to get their heads around the way thing have always been when it comes to sexuality – and it’s almost a given that 2020 will see a continuance of this… denial because every day produces a new bisexual somewhere in the worlds and the once-powerful moral majority is, perhaps, learning that their monopoly on being able to dictate how someone is to live their life is quickly and surely slipping away.

Change has always been inevitable and the best we can do is to resist it or delay it; it can be slowed but change will always keep moving forward despite our best efforts to keep things, not just as they are but how they used to be. The problem here is, of course, that even in the way things used to be, there were bisexuals so, in a way, we’re still trying to stop something that in our entire history as a species we’ve not been able to do anything about.

There really isn’t anything new under the sun when it comes to this except for a heightened awareness that bisexuals have been around the whole time – and we can thank human inventiveness for this greater awareness – it’s called the Internet and it has made the world more connected than at any other time we can think of.

We can see that bisexuality, thanks to this greater visibility, transcends race, color, creed, and religion; we can see that in other parts of the world, bisexuals are vilified more than they are here at home and to the point where those doing the vilifying are of a mind that putting people to death – and as in the ancient religious punishments – is the solution to the problem.

Yeah… they tried this with homosexuality… and it didn’t work despite many losing their lives and as easily as just being accused. Thus, we can see that we as a species has learned nothing from history and are trying to repeat it or, yes, the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. From 1969 to 2019, we are still trying to put the kibosh on something that cannot be stopped or prevented and maybe 2020 will be the year and the beginning of a new decade when we, on the whole, will finally realize and get on board with the fact that trying to stop human nature might sound like a good idea but there’s no stopping it.

The greater exposure has revealed many bisexuals “hiding in the closet” and even operating from the imagined safety of the closet – being on the reviled down-low which has been inaccurately tagged as a nasty-ass place bisexuals hang out in and, once more, failing to understand history and learn from it since being on the down-low is is the same as keeping something under one’s hat or, simply, being able to do something without drawing a lot of attention to themselves, like having an affair – that’s always been on the down-low and given the nature of the “crime,” sure – that’s some fucked up shit but being on the down-low isn’t always about doing something immoral when you consider that there probably aren’t too many people who have something – anything – about themselves that no one else is aware of… and it’s none of anyone else’s business.

Just as it was in 1969, the double standard of women getting a pass for being bisexual – and men getting kicked in the nuts for being bi – still exists; the rift between men and women has been widened because of this double standard and the current smear campaign that’s invoking fear in women of bisexual men, namely, sleep with one, get infected with something, and die. But, yeah, sure – if girlfriend has a reason to get some pussy, okay, well, nothing new about that.

In 1969, I became aware of the angst between bisexuals and homosexuals and in 2019, that angst is still there and now in full view of anyone who cares to see it. Some lesbians have a very dim view of bisexual women just as gay men have for bisexual men; they can’t commit to anything – and definitely read that as a bisexual being unwilling to just be homosexual.

In 1969 people were saying, “Pick a side and stay there… as long as you pick the straight side.” In 2019, people are still saying this and insisting that one either be straight or gay… because being both, well, how does that work? If anything, the greater exposure of bisexuality has led to an even greater sense of denial and, wow, it’s exposing a flaw in us that doesn’t speak well of humans.

It’s the thing that makes me ask repeatedly, “If there’s no such animal as a bisexual, what is everyone riffing about?” And the response has been… nothing. 2019 has, at least for me, really exposed this flaw in our mindset that says if there’s something we don’t agree with or believe in, we’re going to keep acting as if it’s not real, not supposed to be real, no way in hell it can be real.

Except, it still is real; we – collectively – just don’t want it to be real because, I think, it invalidates everything we believe in where love, sex, and relationships are concerned. We’re “panicking” and I think it’s because we can see the handwriting on the wall and just as we did when homosexuality was “running wild” all over the place. Again, homosexuality wasn’t real, shouldn’t exist, all that rubbish.

And 2019 has seen yet another cyclic turn as things keep turning in one unimaginably big circle; will the circle keep… circling in 2020? I don’t know but it’s going to be interesting to see how we deal with bisexuality. Indeed, 2019 showed some… promise in that it’s gone from being casual to a push toward more structured interaction. While there are dicks and pussies to be had damned near anywhere you can go, the more favored way to slake one’s lust and desires in this is to have a FWB at the very least, that one person you can go to not just to have sex but to interact in the other ways “regular” friends do. There’s more of a move toward exclusivity and, in some situations, invoking monogamy in a non-monogamous way; you’re married or otherwise with someone, stepping outside the relationship – with or without permission – to express yourself – but requiring the person you’re being non-monogamous with to be… monogamous with you.

Perhaps the cycle is being broken since it seems that bisexuality – and just like homosexuality – is being “normalized” or, at the least, in line with heteronormative norms? For me, it’s exciting to see this and if this is what’s really starting to happen. Still, infidelity continues to stand up and wave its hand over relationships and there are those who have, again, found it necessary to flush the rule book down the toilet so that, for one, infidelity becomes a non-issue while allowing a couple to experience the growth – and, yeah, even the sexual and emotional excitement – that monogamy doesn’t and can’t allow.

Will 2020 see more bisexuals in a relationship get the permission they need? Will the non-bisexual partner find a need a reason to embrace bisexuality for themselves or even find themselves able to explore their own desires and desires that they’ve kept on the down-low? Will single bi guys and gals learn to get over their fears and take the stance that this is what they are and it makes little sense not to be what we are – and then get their freak on like they want and need to?

Will we, collectively and across the whole planet, embrace that being bisexual is a real-deal thing and stop trying to eradicate something that we’ve consistently failed to do over all this time?

How about you, readers and followers? Will 2020 be the year you just might get bitten by the bisexuality bug, that while you never had reason to explore this, um, now you do and maybe just because it makes sense? Will 2020 be the year where there will be a lot of people will decide – and after having tried it before and it wasn’t all that – that, hmm, that was then… but this is now and maybe, just maybe, it’ll work and be all that and then some?

We’ll just have to wait and see… and I will be watching.

 
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Posted by on 28 December 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Bi and Open

Does bisexuality lend itself to open relationships? Sure it does… since there are other reasons why opening up a relationship sounds good on paper (at the least) and sex isn’t always the main reason.

Bisexuals in a relationship are faced with a major problem: They want to do something about it and they can’t since the rules of monogamy apply whether you’re legally married or not. Given this, they’re faced with yet another problem: Either continue to do nothing or step to the side and get it done and then hope like hell you don’t get busted.

It gets even worse for some bisexuals in that they want to do something but don’t want to cheat in order to do it which, more often than not, leaves them horribly frustrated and can tend to set the stage for changes in mood and attitude that I’ve seen take place and not lend themselves to a happy relationship.

Indeed, anyone in a relationship who isn’t getting what they need knows what this feels like and while there are folks who can push this frustration to the side and keep moving forward, there are many folks who can’t; eventually, all that frustration piles up and a sense of self-preservation kicks in and the person not getting what they need in the relationship is looking for it elsewhere. And not always “deliberately;” some will decide that if an opportunity presents itself, the go/no go decision will be made at that time – if it happens, it happens. But, yeah, some folks in this situation – and folks who aren’t bisexual, by the way, will now make it a mission to get what they need since they can’t get it at home… and like they’re supposed to be.

Stepping outside of the relationship, even when not legally married, is a very big no-no; you just don’t do it and if you feel the need to, well, pack your bags and secure another place to live and, sure, a lot of people do just that… except – and as I’ve scribbled at times – leaving the relationship is actually a dumb thing to do.

So… now what? Leaving the situation unattended ain’t working and leaving the relationship ain’t gonna work. A lot of couples are discovering – and this ain’t anything new under the sun – that you can have your cake and eat it but there’s one nearly insurmountable problem with this: Convincing the person you’re in a relationship with that opening things up is going to benefit them as much as it will benefit you.

Yeah… good luck with that one. Being and staying monogamous is a matter of personal honor; you gave your word that you’d keep only unto yourself (and even if you’re not legally married) so to go back on your word ain’t cool… but neither is being in a relationship that is devoid of those things that go with maintaining a relationship. Yep – could be sex but could also be emotional content and connection.

The rules are what they are and there’s a bit of a disconnect happening in that we hold true that the rules should always be obeyed and adhered to but we accept that rules are also made to be broken… or, in this situation, modified.

A lot of couples – and sexuality notwithstanding – have figured out how they can have their cake and eat it while maintaining what’s known as the core relationship. They’ve figured out that both people in the relationship can get whatever they need, not only from each other but from, ah, outside agencies, and without trashing the core relationship. There are even forms of open relationships that are, for lack of a better phrase, one-sided; that’s when one person is having cake and the other is just find not having any cake other than what they already have.

But you still have to convince your partner that this would be a good thing for the relationship. One can sit down and put together the perfect and most logical argument in favor of doing this and utterly fail because you’re asking someone to do something that, morally, is never supposed to be done for any reason. I’ve heard such eloquent arguments and have heard the partner actually agree with everything presented and the proposition is rejected.

Sometimes, it gets rejected because the person making it often isn’t prepare or willing to offer whatever it’s gonna take to get their partner to agree because one of the questions that gets asked is, “What’s in it for me? What do I get out of it?”

The “proper” response is – or should be – “Well, what do you want? What’s it gonna take to make this happen?”

And then it’s on the partner to say what it’s gonna take; maybe they will, maybe they won’t and what they usually want is for things to stay just the way they are… except it’s now known that the way things are has become a problem.

Now… add bisexuality to this and you’ve just made shit even more problematic. Not only are you asking your partner to disregard the rules and even participate in a way that the rules don’t allow, now the reason why you want to open things up is because you crave pussy or dick on top of craving the person you’re with?

Can you see the cluster fuck beginning to take shape? And can you see the inherent flaws in the tenets of monogamy? Boy meets girl (or, yeah, boy meets boy, girl meets girl), they connect, fall in love, decide to share their lives with each other and in the beginning, things are going great but over time, shit changes and I’m not saying this in a bad kind of way – it’s just a fact that people change over time. We get… complacent in a relationship and behave as if things are gonna just take care of themselves and that neither person would ever have a reason to want something more than what they already have… and humans don’t work like that; we are, as a species, dynamic – always changing and adapting to whatever environment we’re in but being in a relationship makes people static: They get in one and they become stuck with it and even when a change is required to make the relationship run smoother, there is resistance… because we – humans – don’t like change a whole lot even if it’s a change for the better.

You tell your partner you want to try an open relationship because, you hate to say it, you need more than what they’re willing and/or able to supply or, as I’ve said in a bisexual context, when you need pussy/dick, um, your partner doesn’t have one. You’ve just told them that they’re not enough for you and they’re not gonna take this implication well at all. You’ve also told them that what you need is pussy/dick and that goes against everything they believe – and reinforces the implication that they’re not good enough for you. So right off the bat, you’ve just fucked shit up because even if the proposal gets rejected, the partner is going to always remember that they’re not everything you need in life to be happy with them.

And people wonder why bisexuals are said to have mental/emotional issues? People wonder why the person they’re partnered with will cheat on them? People wonder why so many relationships wind up going down the drain? It’s because it’s not easy to modify the rules – well, wait a minute: It is easy to do that; it’s not easy to get a partner who believes in monogamy and doesn’t believe in same-sex stuff to agree to such an arrangement.

Which doesn’t change the fact that some people have figured it out and have modified the rules so that the relationship can go on about its merry way and with both people getting whatever they need from each other as well as anyone else they may get involved with. Not only do some bisexuals get permission and, as such, opens the relationship, their partners are just as involved as they are and, again, some partners are like, “I can live with this… I just don’t need to know what you’re doing and if I’m doing something, well, let’s keep that under some hats.”

Which, personally, I think is a mistake but, sure, people do make it work like that.

Bisexual or not, if you want the relationship to be open, you first have to put together a good argument in favor of this and that argument should also contain anything that could go sideways – some of those things are obvious, some not so much. You have to, with your argument, convince them that being open doesn’t mean that you don’t love them and that you don’t need them; you have to convince them that whatever your reason for opening things up doesn’t mean they’re some kind of fucked up individual.

And you sure as hell have to be able to explain to them what’s in it for them if this happens as well as being willing to give them anything they might want and I do mean anything. Your argument should also contain an “outline” that explains how this open thing is going to work – a set of potential rules that, hopefully, allows things to work in this new environment while not fucking the whole thing up.

Your argument shouldn’t be just about you; it should be about “us;” how will this make us better together? Even if the partner isn’t of a mind to do anything with anyone else, your argument should point out that this arrangement leaves plenty of room should the partner decide that, yeah, I wouldn’t mind engaging with someone else. That’s kinda hard because you’re trying to “predict” the future by telling them that you might not want to do anything yourself now… doesn’t mean that someone could come along and change your mind about it.

And you gotta leave room for change and especially in any rules that get set up. One mistake people make is coming up with a set of rules and wind up making them unchangeable which might sound like a good idea at the time but can fuck shit up down the road because ya didn’t factor in that people do change and can change their minds… that and shit happens.

And, in your argument, you have to make it very damned clear that if things open up, you’re gonna abide by the terms the partner puts on the table. It’s about you… but it’s also about them as well and before you even bring this to them, you should think long and hard about what, if anything, is going to benefit them if they go along with this.

Good luck with that one, too; this is usually the part of the program where you find out that you don’t know your partner as well as you think you do and, yeah, bisexuals have a harder time with this because you can be with someone who doesn’t “have a problem” with bisexuality… as long as it has nothing to do with them… and here you are proposing an open relationship based on the fact that you want and need pussy/dick to make you not only a happy camper but more engaged and gung ho about the relationship.

Being bi and open – shit, even being gay or straight and open – makes a lot of sense on paper because, well, it makes sense. How do you stop someone from cheating? You remove the reasons why they may be compelled to cheat by giving them and yourself permission to do whatever needs to be done while making damned sure that the relationship doesn’t wind up suffering because of this.

Most people ain’t gonna do this; they’d rather let the relationship go down the drain than to do whatever they can do to make sure it doesn’t go down the drain. It’s why I tell people who ask about this that if you’re gonna put this on the table, everyone involved is going to have to forget everything they thought they knew about love, sex, and relationship so that they can learn a new way to do these things and be deliriously happy doing it.

It’s not impossible – it’s just very damned hard and, sorry to say, a lot of people aren’t capable of this depth of thinking; it’s too complicated, too many variables, way too many unknowns… and I’m the guy who’s telling you that it’s a bitch to end all bitches to do… and people do find a way to do it. Why?

Because if they don’t, the relationship will eventually wither and die and no one really wants that to happen… yet, this is exactly what a lot of people will do and, I hate to say it, usually because they’re more concerned with their own ass than the ass of the person they’re with. It’s that thing where we will tell our partner that because we love them, we’ll do anything for them, will give them anything that’s within our power and ability to do so… and this situation can definitely prove that what we really say to each other in this is, “I love you; I’d do anything for you… but.”

And people will let their relationship die even when they know that, for them, yeah… this could work… but the rules mandate that they can’t ever be broken and the best thing – the only thing – to do is to let the relationship die… and one should ask themselves if this really makes sense.

I don’t believe that it does and more so when, up to this moment in time, the relationship has been all that and a bag of chips. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve heard or have been asked, “How can we make things better? How can we spice it up and recapture – and relive – the early moments of our relationship where we were batshit crazy about each other and our growing love for each other made us do some delightfully silly shit?”

The rules, such as they are, don’t allow for extra spice to be added and believe me, many do try to spice it up without “outsiders” being involved. Some are successful, some aren’t; the added spice eventually fades into the background and things go back to the way they were and more spice is needed and, yeah, sometimes, that added spice comes in the form of being involved with someone and still being involved with the partner you have so much love for.

What would you do to keep your relationship intact and working? If you’re straight (or even gay) and you learn that your partner needs something you cannot give them, would you allow them to have it so that they can get back to being the happy critter you love… or would you dispose of them even if it’s not in your best interest to get rid of them?

What would you do? Would you be insulted if your partner asked to open the relationship? Get it in your head that they don’t love you, that they think that they’re not satisfied with you? Hold onto the lie that you’re all they’re ever gonna need – and even if you damned well know that you’re not of a mind to be everything they’re ever gonna need? Would you recognize that if your partner needed pussy/dick to make them a better person and a better partner… or would you be so pissed off that all you wanna do is break up the relationship?

Is it a matter of honor? That you promised to keep only unto yourself and let no one put asunder? That you promised for better or worse? But letting the relationship die also, in a way, besmirches your honor because there is now something you’re not gonna do for them even if it benefits you in some way?

This is what bisexuals – and, again, anyone in a relationship – faces. The way it’s supposed to be isn’t always the best way for it to be. Do you have a responsibility to make and keep the relationship the best it can be or are you of a mind that in this situation, it ain’t your problem and you ain’t gonna deal with it?

What would you do to keep the person you love by your side and for long as humanly possible?

Would it surprise you that a lot of people wouldn’t do a damned thing except let the relationship die when it doesn’t have to? And do you see how bisexuals in a relationship feel some kind of way because they need to do something but the rules don’t allow it and they’re with someone who firmly believes that the rules should be obeyed at all times and at any cost?

Do you see why bisexuals – or anyone, really – decide to cheat? Do you see that most of us live by a set of rules that serves to make us stagnant and unfulfilled? And do you believe – can you believe – that it is possible to have your cake and eat it, too – and even if you don’t want any cake at the moment… but ya might want some in a future you cannot see?

It’s complicated. We are conditioned to not break or otherwise modify these rules for our own benefit. Being single and alone just sucks… but being in a relationship that’s not providing things that you need – or could potentially need in that unknown future – also sucks. Breaking up and even cheating might make sense but at great cost.

But what if you could have your cake and eat it as well as giving your partner some cake as well? Would you do it, even for the sake of love and the continuation of the relationship?

Most people won’t. Think about that while I go run some errands. I understand that a lot of people will read this and wholly disagree with it; they don’t believe in it; the rules say it should never happen and that you should never want anything or anyone other than the person you’re with.

And you gotta (well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to) ask yourself if this really makes sense to let someone you said you love with all your heart and soul not only suffer with being deprived but let them get away from you… and because you can’t or won’t modify the rules.

My very wise mother told me, the day I told her I was getting married, that the relationship/marriage is only going to be as good as the two of us are willing to make it and it was on the both of us to make things as good as they can be.

And sometimes, in order to do this, you might have to break, modify, adjust, tweak, or just throw out the rules in order to be happy together and by any means necessary.

Would you do it? Could you do it? Would it bother you to know that there are couples who can do what you are incapable of doing – and they’re having big time fun doing it… and you ain’t having much fun being stuck where you are because you believe in something that doesn’t really work the way they say it’s supposed to? Willing to let someone you love suffer with not having what they need to make them better and, in turn, be a better partner? You willing to let yourself suffer and be unfulfilled? Willing to just walk away and start over because that’s what you’re supposed to do? And, yeah, worried that you’re gonna get cheated on… but it’s within your power to make that not happen?

Most people won’t. Most people can’t. Most people are pretty fucking miserable in their relationship as it currently stands; not enough sex, not enough intimacy, little or no emotional connection. Wants, needs, and desires being ignored and because we’re all about “me” and not so much about “us.”

Think about it, if you dare to and then not only think about why you wouldn’t – look at what you’re thinking about that’s making you say you would never do this.

Maybe you’ll see what I’m talking about and how bisexuals get all fucked up in the head and how willing we are to let them suffer and even throw them away.

 
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Posted by on 9 December 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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