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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Hypocrisy or Fact of Life?

Up early because I gotta see the dentist but as I skimmed through the Reader to see what’s new so far today, I got a glimpse of a blog I’d read already – https://bisexualsalvo.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/hello-world/ – and I thought about the author’s “plight” (go read for his full story, please).

It’s not unusual for a bisexual to have a religious crisis of faith, that moment where their beliefs slam head-first into what they’ve discovered about themselves and, of course, it’s something that religion takes a very dim view of.  This particular author isn’t the only guy I’ve run into who’s been in this particular sticky situation and while I’d never take them to task for being bisexual (when they “shouldn’t” be), I find the whole thing fascinating and it’s equally interesting to see how these men deal with it.  Now, I don’t recall hearing or reading whether or  not you’ve sinned if you have the feelings and thoughts but never act on them… but pretty much everyone knows what the Old Testament said about doing something about it and other religions have their own version of what’ll happen if you commit this sin/crime against God.

You’d think that those men “on the inside” and guiding their respective flocks would be able to resist the call of man-flesh… but we also know that, nah, they’re not consistently and always able to do this and they do know what’s said about the flesh being weak and that giving into the weakness of flesh shouldn’t be done.  But, without sounding irreverent or disrespectful, the ministers of faith responsible for making sure everyone stayed the course in this probably never had any dealings with cock… or even sex, for that matter so maybe they really didn’t understand the powerful call of sex – or they did understand it and that’s why they put so much emphasis on staying away from such sinful things.

I personally know some ministers of faith who are good friends with cock… and it’s not their own.  When I first became aware of them, it used to gall the living daylights out of me to have heard (or to know for an undisputable fact) they’d been getting their groove on during the week and then see them in the pulpit (or know they were in their respective pulpits) and preaching about the wages of sin, in essence invoking something that has made generations of children crazy:  Do as I say, not as I do.  There are out-in-the-open gay ordained ministers despite the resistance to allowing them to be ordained and while I’ve never attended a service held by one of these very brave people, I wonder how the deal with the edicts against men lying down with other men?  And, are they hypocrites for being the thing that’s being preached against?

It doesn’t take much to figure out that one’s sexuality has no bearing on someone’s ability to be one of God’s Messengers or to engage in His works in some way.  Sure, being able to lead by example is a good thing because you should never ask someone to do something that you’re unable or unwilling to do but, nah, sometimes, it just doesn’t happen that way… but the ordained one continues to instill faith in the Lord into those who fill the pews when Sunday rolls around.  Are they doing their job?  Yep, they sure are!  Are they precisely following the rules as they execute their  duties?  Um, not always… but how many of us have never taken any shortcuts or bent some rules in order to get the job done?

At some point – and if you can – you begin to see that the one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other even though we continue to insist that those in this particular position of authority should never behave like, well, like other human beings.  We continue to hold them to a very high set of standards and will crucify them whenever they stray from the course and, really, act as if they’re incapable of succumbing to the pleasures of the flesh… but we know that, in certain denominations, ministers can marry, have children, even divorce and this is fine with the denominations’ doctrine so we see some interesting inconsistencies going on and you can see the hypocrisy taking place:  It’s okay for Reverend Jones to be married and have a boatload of children but if his, um, proclivities leaned more toward the middle of the road – or even the far end of Kinsey Road – well, that’s a problem… but is it really?

And should their “crimes” have any impact on our faith?  I mean, our faith should be in God and not the person doing the preaching; even though he might not be practicing what he’s preaching, he’s still preaching the “preferred” way, isn’t he?  Those biblical teachings haven’t changed one bit, right, so the words they contain are still valid and doable.  So if our hypothetical Reverend Jones is single but has a taste for women and men, should his ability to teach the truly faithful be  questioned… and more so since there’s a good chance that someone sitting in congregation is the same kind of guy Reverend Jones is:  A bisexual.

Have we not learned something important about the debacle that’s still rocking the Catholic Church?  None of these men are totally and completely infallible and, um, they’re not supposed to be because they’re just as human as the rest of us.  Sure, if they do something criminal, like not making sure the male they’re having fun with is of legal age where they live, they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent allowable by law… but for religious entities to act as if these things haven’t been happening “behind our backs” for who knows how long, well, it’s my opinion that this is the biggest offense and more so when it’s proven that they knew… and did nothing other than sweep it under the carpet.  Then there’s this:  We kill each other in the name of God and no one gripes about that a whole lot (and killing is so against the Ten Commandments)… so why would it be so unusual if Reverend Jones believes that God is okay with him partaking of some nice, hard cock and equally believe that if God didn’t want him to have this desire, he wouldn’t have it?

Is this hypocrisy… or just a fact of life and one that continues to reveal the nature of what we really are?  The author of the blog I mentioned above is between that rock and the accompanying hard place and, of course, it’s his call when it comes to handling his situation… but I wouldn’t call him on the carpet if he chose to act on his feelings and simply because I’d be a hypocrite to bust his ass for doing something that I’d do without giving it a whole lot of thought.  Yes, one should stay true to that which they believe but we should never assume that we can’t or aren’t supposed to change our beliefs or even question them.

It’s a very touchy subject and one that probably shouldn’t be mentioned but, ah, y’all know me by now, right?  I’d never say that anyone should just abandon their faith or beliefs; what you do about this is your business to take care of.  I’m just the guy who’ll mention that bisexuals do have this issue going on with them and, yep, some more than others and because this does happen, we should talk about it, not so much to find a “solution” to a “problem” but to understand that some people have this problem and it needs to be understood and examined…

 
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Posted by on 19 June 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: And They Wonder Why We’re Invisible?

I’m once again gonna talk about a couple of things that (a) I don’t particularly like talking about and (b) being PC says you aren’t supposed to talk about – the current dust up taking place in the state of Indiana and the law enacted there that will allow businesses to refuse service to people based on religious beliefs.  I read the articles about it and as I frowned and shook my head, I thought, “And they wanna know why bisexuals want to fly under the radar?”

For the records, I don’t bust asses because of religious beliefs… but this thing, at least to this writer, is legalized discrimination and opens the door for all kinds of discrimination based on religious beliefs – any religious beliefs – and, again in my own opinion, opens the door for businesses in Indiana to wrongfully refuse service to people; all they have to do is think or believe that the person or persons they’re dealing with aren’t straight (or otherwise religiously undesirable) and, nope, “We don’t serve your kind here.”

Am I the only one who thinks there’s something wrong with this?  Okay, it’s obvious that some folks are religiously against anyone who isn’t straight – I get that and while I respect their beliefs, it’s just a bad way to behave.  Some of the things I read say that some Christians (in particular) should be outraged at this law because one of the things we learn – or, at least, I learned – is that to be Christian means to be tolerant and to not display or otherwise buy into any behavior that’ll get you a smack on the wrist from God; what do you think, “Love thy neighbor” means?  The thing here is that despite being urged to embrace this, a lot of religions still preach against homosexuality (as well as all those other sins we just love to do anyway) so as far as some folks are concerned – and this includes the legislative branch of the government in Indiana and the governor that signed it into law (after modification) – God is telling them that it’s okay to discriminate against those damned homosexual sinners.  The problem gets deeper because there’s what the Good Book says and means… and then there’s the way people interpret those words and their meaning and I seriously doubt that these two things are or have ever been the same.

It means that the owner of “Bill’s Flowers” somewhere in Indiana could see two women come in, get it in his head that they’re lesbians looking for flowers for their wedding, and deny them service because their alleged sexuality offends their religious beliefs… and I’m straight-up asking if this is in any way right or, is this any way to run an airline (old joke – you had to have been there)?  One of the reasons why this country came into existence was that those early Pilgrims who came here were escaping from religious persecution and, ultimately, made it a part of our Constitution that we can be free to practice our religion and worship without that persecution… but now, and at least in the state of Indiana (and until its Supreme Court comes back and says the law is unconstitutional), they’re doing exactly what the Pilgrims were escaping from:  Using religion to persecute others or, really, more of that “If you’re not like us, you’re against us” mentality that, as an individual, just makes me sick to my stomach; you’d think that given our history, we would have had enough of discrimination but, ah, apparently not.

So if those folks advocating that all bisexuals should come out in the open and stop hiding, um, in the face of what’s happening in Indiana, do you really wanna know why bisexuals aren’t rushing to do this en masse?  For those bisexual haters who riff about that so-called “straight privilege” we have (and that we shouldn’t have it and then because they don’t have it), um, it seems this would work more for us than anyone who appears to be gay or transgender huh?  I feel sorry for all the gays and transgender in the state of Indiana because if y’all think you had it hard before, your government just made it harder for you to be the people you want to be… and I’m damned glad I don’t live there.

The county executive here in New Castle, Delaware, has prohibited county workers to travel to Indiana on county business; the governor of our state – and we’re one of only 18 states that have laws in place against this kind of discrimination – has spoken out against Indiana’s governor about this and other states are giving homey the business for putting such a law in place.  Of course, LGBT and other human rights advocates are speaking out against this as well and I’m guessing that the heat is really gonna get turned up on Indiana’s governor in the media and it wouldn’t surprise me if the federal government were to add some heat of its own.  The US Supreme Court just might have its docket jammed packed about this action and, again, I’m just waiting to read about Indiana’s Supreme Court’s thoughts about the constitutionality of this new law – it should be interesting, huh?  Indeed, it’ll be interesting to see how many businesses that have dealings with Indiana are going to give them grief behind this.

Every state has the right to enact laws that are in the best interest of the people who live there so it’s not as if Indiana didn’t have the right to enact such a law – it’s just a question of whether or not this is really (a) the right thing to do and (b) if it’s really in the best interest of the citizens who live there… but if they’re allow to use their religious beliefs to discriminate, um, how is that in the best interest of the people?  The only people who are best served by this seems to be anyone who has a religious reason for not liking homosexuals and, yeah, anyone they believe not to be straight.

If the bisexual haters are wondering why we’re invisible, this action by the state of Indiana should suffice to give you part of the answer.  Is Indiana morally and legally in the right with this?  Only time will tell but I personally think it sucks – and that’s not the bisexual talking; it’s the human being talking who thinks that discrimination makes us all less civilized than we think we are…

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “It’s Against My Religion…”

It’s said that we’re not supposed to talk about death, taxes, politics, sex, or religion… so I’m gonna talk about two of these “forbidden” topics and just because I can.  After reading a couple of blogs about religion, politics, and same-sex sex, man, this can be a very serious thing for budding bisexuals as they work to figure this thing out about themselves.  I know that once I became aware of the implications of doing the nasty with another guy (and I’m not gonna talk about all of the sex I had out-of-wedlock), I was pretty sure I was going to burn in the hottest places that Hell could afford.  I remember reading the Old Testament and seeing that if a man lay down with another man, they both could be stoned to death – and that method of execution still exists today in some places.

It’s a sin even though the “death penalty” got repealed in Leviticus; a lot of people firmly believe that same-sex sex is a crime against nature because such couplings are damned unlikely to produce children so married sex is the way to keep yourself from burning for all of eternity.  Still, as I got older and more “wiser,” I began to see some things about this, like, the powers that were putting the brakes on human sexuality and narrowly defining what was “legal” sex and what sex was deemed to be immoral and sinful.  And then there was the obvious:  Despite the laws and religious portents of eternal doom, it wasn’t stopping anyone from having sex in the manner prohibited.

I saw first-hand some of the religious hypocrisy behind same-sex stuff – and we’re still hearing about the cluster fuck going on in the Catholic Church, right?  I’ve been in, ah, sexual congress with some guys who were what I’d call close to being fanatically religious and the hypocrisy of it all was rather stark and telling to have a guy tell me in one breath that having carnal knowledge of another man is a sin against God and Nature… while he’s busting a nut in my mouth or ass or, of course, while I’m busting a nut in his available orifices.  I’ve been with such men in these situations and have, in fact, seen some of them break down, start crying, and a couple of times, get on their knees and pray to God for forgiveness of their sin; there was this one guy who actually prayed for forgiveness right before he gave me a pretty amazing blow job.  And, yes, I had a man of God lay the pipe to me… and I’ll blaspheme a little and tell you that it was damned good, too… but even he said after the fact that he was gonna pray to God for some forgiveness and he did, too… and still got busy with me the next day.

I’ve been in discussions with guys who’ve said that despite their feelings of bisexuality, it’s against their religion to do anything about it and I’ve agreed that it’s pretty much against everyone’s religion to do the nasty in the same-sex mode… which still doesn’t stop anyone from doing it like that.  In this, you get to see that amazing ability humans have to justify anything they do, even if it’s only to themselves.  I’ve listened to guys who are into sex with other guys say that because they’ve accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and because He died on the cross for our sins, all of this is like a “get out of jail free” card and one that allows them to do that which is prohibited and without putting their soul at risk come judgement day.  There was a time, back when I was much younger, when I thought this hypocrisy was funny because there were people willing to risk the wrath of God in order to get their cookies crumbled and I mean “funny” in both senses of the word – humorously and ironically.  It’s one thing to hear a guy calling on God and Jesus to save him because the sex he’s having with another man is feeling so good but, yeah, how can you not laugh when you’re sucking a guy’s dick, he’s about to cum, and you hear him begging the Lord to forgive him… but he’s gotta cum?

All too often, we hear a lot of folks say that this must be okay because if it wasn’t, God wouldn’t have given us the ability to indulge like this – and I used to say it a lot, too.  I’ve heard some folks say that since God gave us free will, He’s pretty much just giving us all enough rope to hang ourselves with but if you were to set all of this aside for a moment and look at it for what it is, what you see are humans doing whatever’s necessary to have sex… and no matter what the restrictions, taboos, or prohibitions are and, yes, even at the risk of their eternal soul.

I don’t know too many bisexuals who haven’t questioned their feelings/behavior when it comes to their religious leanings; it’s something that causes great confusion because it’s a great contradiction and one that makes people say, again, that if God didn’t mean for “me” to be bisexual (or even gay), then it wouldn’t be possible for anyone to be anything other than straight.  I’ve heard people ask, literally and rhetorically, “How can something that feels so good and right be so terribly wrong?”

How indeed?  When I’ve talked to guys about being bi and doing the deed, holding onto their religious belief is important to them but what they’re thinking, feeling, or even doing just conflicts with that which they believe and what they’ve been taught about this in whatever church they go to.  They won’t give up their belief in God… but they find that they have reason to question religion’s position on such things.  I know that when I hear all of the religious arguments against boys doing it to boys, I can easily acknowledge that they’re right – the bible says that this is wrong… but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, that it can’t happen, and that it’s been happening for longer than we can probably remember as a species – it’s certainly been going on since before religion came to be.

For religion to say that this is against the natural order of things is, in itself, a contradiction or, if you will, a method of control because as we all know, sex is a part of the natural order – we’re literally born to do it.  The sex drive is a part of what we are and, in the eyes of some, religion seeks to negate the power of that drive to have sex by restricting who we can have sex and when we can have it and even why we can have it.  That at the time our existence as a species was a problem – there weren’t that many humans running around the joint – makes this… restriction a necessity because our survival and existence as a species is pretty damned important.  But, as I’ve pointed out on occasion, those folks way back then could not foresee a time when making babies wouldn’t necessarily call for a man and a woman getting all hot and sweaty together so, yeah, if two men got caught or were accused of having sexual congress with each other – which just can’t ever make a baby (that we know of) – death was the only suitable punishment for not doing things the way they needed to be done to keep humans at the top of the heap, so to speak.

We’ve even gone as far as to separate God and religion; our respective belief in God is one thing and important to us… but religion as a social construct, well, that’s something else because while religion does give us something to believe in (and some believe to take our minds off of the fact that we’re all gonna die), there’s just something fishy about religion and more so when we know that quite a few very religious people have been known to, ah, partake of the forbidden fruit.   Some see this as “Do as I say, not as I do!” and, yep, we know that while this does make sense, it’s hypocrisy at it’s finest because just how in the name of the God you believe in can you tell “Peter” and “Jeff” not to have sex with each other… when there’s plenty of evidence that you’re doing the one thing you’ve told us not to do – and then condemn Pete and Jeff to hell for it?

Huh?  How does that make any sense?  A lot of bisexuals – and myself included – have come to the conclusion that our sexuality is what it is and that if we are to stand in judgement when our lives are over, well, we’ll just have to be judged and whatever happens after that… happens.  It might sound messed up but I believe in God and Jesus is my personal Savior… I just don’t have a lot of truck with religious teachings in the face of the teachers not exactly doing things the way they’re supposed to do them but having the nerve to tell us that we’re not supposed to do them… or else.  I  once said, “If I’m gonna burn in hell for this, I’m not going to be by myself and I know a few preachers who are gonna fry right alongside me…”

Yep, I kinda got in trouble for saying that… but it’s the truth as I understand it both then and now.  History is rife with examples of our ancestors praying and believing in many gods but, sure, two guys having sex was socially acceptable as long as one of them wasn’t “legally” a grown man… and even that stipulation was ignored, too, because as they say, once you taste the forbidden fruit, it’s kinda hard not to want to take more bites of it.

None of what I’ve written here is meant to be disrespectful of anyone’s religious beliefs.   All I’m doing is writing down what I’ve come to understand about this and what others have related to me when it comes to being bisexual and our religious beliefs and how they glaringly clash against what’s actually being done.  As I said in the beginning of this, I don’t know any bisexual who hasn’t thought about this or any who haven’t struggled to reconcile their feelings and behaviors against that which they believe when it comes to religion.  I’ve seen one’s beliefs in this stop them from doing what their “heart” is telling them to do and that’s fine… but I’ve also seen it not stop two men from having sex with each other even at the pain of death and eternal damnation.

Then again, I know and understand that the need to have sex is totally capable of overriding a lot of things and that humans will do whatever has to be done to have sex – and that includes gladly and willingly lying down with someone who is the same sex as they are.  It is what it has always been and always will be until humans are extinct…

 
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Posted by on 31 March 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Being Bi and a Christian

One day, right in the middle of me sucking a guy’s cock, a thought stabbed into my brain:  “What would God think of what I’m doing right now?”

It was sobering and to the point where I actually stopped sucking that rather nice dick for a moment to ponder why this popped into my head and what the answer to the question was.  I got him off and then laid back so he could work some magic on me… but I was distracted; despite the good feelings he was giving me, my mind was still trying to answer the question and I had a feeling that when I died, I was going straight to hell for this sin.

It wasn’t until I was a lot older that I realized that my answer, “If I’m not supposed to do this and God doesn’t like it, why did He make it possible for me to be this way?” is an answer that a lot of bisexuals I know gives when religion and their sexuality comes up.  Those of us who grew up going to Sunday school and church services learned that the wages of sin is death and, oops, having sex with men is definitely on that list of things you’d better not do.

I started seeing the hypocrisy that goes on about this, how the Bible says a lot of things about sex not being between a man and a woman, and how preachers stand up there in their pulpits and rant and rave against homosexuality… and I know a lot of homosexuals who go to church, just like I knew a couple of preachers who didn’t have much to say about having their knob slobbed by another man other than, you know, calling on God and Jesus for help when the sex is getting pretty damned good.

It created a crisis of faith within me; was my soul now at risk and I’m going to be damned for all eternity?  I resolved – and probably like other bisexuals – that, okay, I might go to hell after I stand in judgement but it’s not because I don’t believe in God – I just have a big problem with what’s being preached and the hypocrisy that goes on because how the hell are you gonna tell me that I’m going to hell for having sexual congress with a man… and I know you’re not only doing that but doing shit that, at the time, I wouldn’t have done?

Huh?

A few years later, I ran into a priest who admitted to me that, yeah, he likes dick even though he knows the Word of God better than most people.  He told me that every time he laid down with a man, he knew he was violating a lot of oaths and promises… but even he said that even though we’re all born into sin and God gave us the free will that allows us to sin,  we’re all forgiven as long as we believe and, of course, accept Christ as our personal Savior.  I was like, wow, ain’t that about a bitch?  I thought that if a man of God, a Shepherd of the Flock can say something like this and has that special love for his fellow men, hmm, maybe this whole thing isn’t really as bad as they say it is.  This priest told me, and in some very explicit detail, how and why he loved sex with men and how, early on, he had this conflict between his priestly duties and his undeniable need for cock but was learning how to not let it mess with him; he said that he could still follow his calling and spread the word to the masses… but he’d skip over any topic that had to do with homosexuality because, as even he said, if God didn’t want us to be this way, we wouldn’t be this way.

We had five people in our church who wasn’t exactly straight  two men, three women (not counting myself or my bisexual wife at the time) and, damn, to hear what the membership would say behind their backs was, honestly, about as un-Christian as anything could be.  It was bigotry on a level that I’d not experienced before and, yeah, the hypocrisy was flowing like a river because I knew for a fact that some of the people who were condemning these five people straight to hell knew from personal experience why they should go to hell.  It made me think, “What… you’re saying that they should go to hell for their sexual sins… but you’re not going because you had some of that yourself?  What the fuck?”

There was a period of time where a lot of the dicks I was sucking or otherwise dealing with were attached to avid churchgoers.  I’d ask them how they dealt with this stuff that, clearly, goes against what we believe in… and they had no concrete answers other than to say that they’ve made their peace with God about it and they’ve left it all in His hands – and the sex would either jump off or keep going or this discussion would happen after a lot of seed has been spilt.  Indeed, it created a curious thing in my mind to know that the guy sucking my dick (or fucking my ass) was more into going to church than I ever was; a lot of weird shit would go through my mind when I was blowing them or watching my boner sliding into their butt because, okay, this is morally wrong… yet his faith – and my own – was very much intact.  So we’re good… and not really?  And, sure, as you can imagine, when you’re in the middle of getting your rocks off, you’re not going to spend a whole lot of time pondering this until well after the fact – and if you even bother to ponder it at all.

So what’s the deal here?  Is God truly okay with this and it’s just his ministers of faith that are taking issue here?  Most ministers I knew were really Old Testament about things and I’d often mess with them by pointing out that a lot of the admonishments were more Jewish/Hebrew than anything else – ah, man, you should have been there to see the looks I’d get!  I’d ask them which is more important:  Adhering by what the Bible has to say or having faith in God, which may or may not be the same things (depending on what and how you believe)?  I learned that some ministers, um, didn’t want to discuss such things and probably because they really didn’t have the answer and if I called them out for having a pastoral rant about sexual sins, all they could do was point to whatever chapters/verses in the Old Testament and say that it’s a sin and the wages of sin is death – the usual dire warnings about not living your life the way God says you have to live it.

Ellen posted a link  to a blog about sexuality and being a Christian written by someone else – https://bellaelena.wordpress.com/2015/02/03/youre-so-far-into-the-closet-youve-met-mr-tumnus-christianity-and-not-being-straight – and I liked what the author had to say for the most part.  Religion is rife with homophobic bigotry and I’ve always thought that a lot of this has to do with the clear fact that being homosexual in any way doesn’t lend itself to the perpetuation of our species; if you weren’t doing the nasty in the prescribed  way to make babies, well, at least in the Old Testament, that’ll get you put to death.  And, yes, it stands to reason that having your life or your immortal soul threatened in such a way can be enough to make you fuck the way you’re supposed to… as opposed to the other ways you can get your rocks crushed.  I felt that these admonishments were designed to stop people from following their sexual urges… and urges that didn’t necessarily have to do with dick meeting pussy.

You’re not supposed to do it like that… and there are people whose job it is to constantly remind us of this… but some of them are doing exactly what we’re taught not to do.  I asked myself one day, “Is it just me or is there something  inherently wrong with this?”  And then I decided that I wasn’t going to be concerned about it anymore because I have no questions about my faith or my belief in God… and it served no purpose for me to immerse myself in the ongoing hypocrisy taking place in church because “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t exactly cut the mustard when it comes to this particular thing.  And life is what it is; we know that despite any religious leanings, we have to live our lives in the best way we can for as long as we can; as a bisexual, that includes getting all the pussy and dick I can get because these things are part of what makes my life worth living – and with the thought that if there is some kind of reckoning when I die and some kind of life after death, well, I’ll just have to deal with it when it happens.

Yeah, that might sound fucked up… but unless you’re an atheist, sure, you’re gonna wonder if, say, giving a blowjob and loving it is going to  get you into serious trouble in the afterlife and I think we all have to find some way to “justify” our behavior in this when we’re taught that, let’s say, “Connie” being happy having sex with men and women is a very bad thing to do.  I think that if we continue to believe and, at the least, keep our faith intact we’re good and more so if we don’t buy into the hypocrisy that runs rampant in religious circles.  They really and seriously want us to believe and behave the way they want us to but the truth is that, nah, some of us ain’t buying into this method of controlling our lives and our sexual desires.  Will we burn in hell?  Maybe… but a lot of us also know and understand that if we do burn, it’ll be for good reason.

Time to do something else…

 
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Posted by on 4 February 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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A Crisis of Faith

I’ve often mentioned to you how my mind tends to association dissimilar things, making connections with stuff that in the beginning seem totally unrelated to each other… and it did it again, making me think, “I’d better write this down before I fuck around and forget it…”  Yesterday – and I’ll beg your forgiveness about this – my ass was sore ’cause my hemorrhoids were acting up – I spend too much time sitting down.  Anyway, a little while ago, I was thinking that my butt was feeling much better and thought, “God, my ass was really hurting yesterday!  Felt like I spent all day getting fucked in the ass!” – which I hadn’t, of course but bear with me for a moment longer; this will all make sense shortly.

I’m into the morning routine, looking at the WordPress reader for interesting things, and saw where someone wrote about sex in the bible and my mind just took off, going from having a sore butt, associating the feeling with being fucked too much, to the Bible, to “Hey!  Do you remember that guy…?” and, yeah, I do remember this one guy I got with and how it got me thinking about the title of this blog.

We met while I was job hunting and feeling pretty discouraged because here I was, fresh out of college with my associate’s degree in computer science, and instead of doors opening, doors were slamming in my face and with the words, “You’re overqualified!” ringing in my ears.  I remember standing outside of the place that had just dissed me and taking a moment to figure out where I wanted to go next when this guy asked me what time it was and if I knew exactly where this place of business was.  Come to find out he was going into the same place I just came from and I told him, with bitterness dripping from my voice, that those assholes weren’t hiring so he shouldn’t waste his time.

He thanked me and I decided that I was going to the department store lunch counter and drown my sorrows in some coffee and a chicken salad sandwich on toast.  I was halfway through my coffee when I heard this familiar voice asking if the seat next to me was taken and, yup, it was the guy I just saw a few minutes ago.  I said no, he sat down, and we spent some time comparing job search notes.  I finished my sandwich, drained the last dregs from my third cup of coffee, and went to take my leave of the guy, my thoughts now on going home so I could seriously plan my next move to get a decent job in the field I was trained and educated in – but he stopped me dead in my tracks by asking me if I’d be interested in having sex with him.

I didn’t start out being interested but since I was in such a shitty mood behind looking for work – and those of you who have been through this know what the deal is – I said, what the fuck, why not?  If I can’t get a job, at least I can get some dick.  I accepted his proposal and we’re off to his place, which wasn’t far from where we were.  We go inside, immediately get undressed, and he goes down on me and while it was nice, it could have been better if he wasn’t stopping every so often and muttering, “God, forgive me…” or “Lord, I just can’t help it – this is so good…” and other such things.  It was annoying but not all that unusual – you just kinda get used to dudes calling on God and Jesus while caught in the stifling heat of this lusty moment.  I didn’t even think it was weird that when he made me cum, he didn’t  get me to cum in his mouth but took my stuff and wiped it all over his face.  Yeah, after a while, you see guys doing shit that ain’t surprising anymore…

Even as I sucked his cock, he almost succeeded in making me laugh in the middle of a blow job because he’s thrusting into my mouth and still calling on God and Jesus to forgive him and all that and I almost lost it when he started praying as his shot his stuff into my mouth.  We lay on the bed to recover and get ready to fuck each other, getting our respective holes leaned out and all of that, and his outbursts were on my mind but if he wasn’t going to say anything about them, neither was I.  We jump back into bed, he gets me nice and hard again – and without calling on divine intervention – and I lube up and slide into him, noting how easy it was and settled in to fuck him… and he started calling out again and it was so distracting; it took a real effort on my part to block out what he was saying so I could get my shit off in his ass.  I creamed him, he prayed for forgiveness again, and we switched places and, honestly, his outbursts were doing a great job of taking me right out of the mood but, fair is fair.

He pushed himself into me and I wanted to settle in, you know, to get into being fucked… and the litany started – again.  I’m not sure how to put this into words:  He’s fucking me like he wants to do it but, at the same time, he doesn’t; I could feel his reluctance even as I could feel his lust driving his actions and now, because he’s got me thinking more than feeling, I really wanted him to cum and get this over with because I have some questions I’d like to ask him.  He cums – muttering to himself – and pulls out, making me glad that this was over with and wondering why and how something that should have been, um, sinfully delicious turned out to be one of those moments you might wind up regretting.  Those moments happen but I think this was the first time it happened like this.

“What’s going on with you?” I asked him as we shared the bathroom to clean up.  “Were you really praying?”

“I was praying for forgiveness, praying that the Lord would forgive me for my sins,” he said with his eyes cast upward; he then went on to tell me about his deep religious upbringing and how he knows that what we just did was a sin and he was praying that neither of us would wind up in hell for our transgressions… and I admit to not getting it immediately and that was because I had already had my crisis of faith many years before, had it, reconciled it, didn’t really give it much thought after making my peace with it… but apparently, this guy hadn’t.  That he was very religious – but doing something like this – didn’t really surprise me; it seemed to me that the more religious some people were, the more likely they’d commit a “sin” and then convince themselves that it was God’s Will or some other stuff that doesn’t quite stand up to logic or even common sense.  If one is that fearful of the Lord’s wrath, then it doesn’t make sense that one would do something that’ll pretty much guarantee some retribution on the Lord’s part… right?

I went home and after boning the old lady, sat and thought about the whole thing again.  If you go to Sunday school and church enough, you know what’s a sin and what isn’t and the preacher ain’t beyond flinging fire and brimstone at everyone to make sure they understand that if they sin – and sin way off the charts – you will burn in hell and in the hottest fires possible.  I know I’ve sat in church many times and listened to the preacher go on and on about the sin of fornication and men lying with other men – and assuming, somehow – that this applied to women as well even though most preachers never included women in this during their oratory – and have felt that not only was he talking directly to me, he knew what I did Friday night that involved all sorts of fornication – and had had fun doing it, too.

The question came back to me:  How do we justify our actions when we know that we’re in direct violation of the Old Testament laws? Is it because we know that those laws were set aside in the New Testament and even though it still didn’t make it right (in that sense)?  Were we using our personal relationship with God and Jesus – and the knowledge that He died for our sins – to justify seeking and obtaining those illicit pleasures of the flesh and knowing that if we pray for forgiveness, it will be granted?  These are some tough questions and even more so for me since I found myself to be more of a child of science and pretty sure in the knowledge that sex is just part of the nature of what we are, that we’re one of the few creatures God put on this earth that will have sex just because it feels good – and if we make some babies along the way, so much the better.

I’ve seen men of the cloth actually break down in the pulpit and confess their sins in front of the congregation and using the “excuse” that their flesh made their spirit weak, that they were unable to resist Satan’s temptations… and I remember hearing this and thinking, “What a crock of shit…” because they somehow think that the fact that they’re ordained ministers somehow makes them immune from being human.  And I guess maybe they really believe this even though they also have to know that there’s probably not a shred of truth in their assumption that their faith, such as it is, is always going to be proof against human nature.  I’m not saying that it isn’t for some – I’m just saying I know it isn’t a dyed-in-the-wool given for everyone – and history tends to prove this out.

I’m thinking about this in the here and now and while I don’t have reason to justify my sexuality, I do wonder just how many people do.  It’s considered to be in bad taste to ask someone about their relationship with the Lord and His Son, let alone question their thinking in this regard – but some people do talk about it and almost everyone I know that has put their justification for being bisexual in the form of a question:  “If God didn’t mean for us to be this way, we wouldn’t be this way, right?”

Of course, I tend to agree, although one can easily use the “free will” argument to explain our willingness to do something we know that God, via religious teachings, said we’re not supposed to be doing and, yep, since we’re being so willful in this, we’re gonna have some explaining to do at the Pearly Gates.  We’ve reconciled that if we’ve talked to God about this and He understands  – and He does since He knows everything that goes on with us – then it’s okay – we’re good with this if He is.  Yeah, sometimes, we get hit with some stuff in this and some of us are of a mind that this is God reminding us about a few things – but we talk to Him again about it and come away from the conversation with a better understanding, like, it’s not okay to sin but if you’re gonna sin, well, there are some ways to… minimize things in this.  He’s good with it now, and you are, too.

Being that child of science, I have learned that humans can justify anything they do; our brains are just that complex and our ability to apply and use logic, while often questionable, is unmatched in the animal kingdom.  Perhaps we don’t always apply common sense in the “right” ways… but while there’s an overall meaning to the phrase, “common sense,” we often tailor this internally so that common sense becomes a mixture of “the rule” and what we say it is – it just makes people so damned interesting, doesn’t it?  Our ability to justify our thoughts and/or actions in this winds up conflicting with the religious things we’ve been taught or those things we’ve heard about if religion and its tenets are not one’s cup of tea; it makes sense that if one doesn’t believe in God or religion, they’re not going to have any crises of faith – but perhaps if they’re ‘worried’ about anything in this, it’s how society on the whole is going to view them, oh, yeah, like they’re unrepentant sinners and soulless non-believers in the Word of God.

As I was remembering the encounter with this guy all those many years ago, I could feel my face smiling a little at the hypocrisy of what he was doing… and whether or not he was really being a hypocrite.  I am aware of the fact that you can be having some same-sex sex and, in the back of your mind, something can be whispering to you, “You know you shouldn’t be doing this, don’t you?”  If you do or have heard this, is this simply your conscience reminding you that you’re gleefully breaking society’s rules on the matter or it is – and as it was with this guy  – a reminder from one’s faith and belief that they’re sinning and putting their immortal soul in great jeopardy?  I guess the answer all depends on what and how you believe… or if you believe at all.  I’ve tended to believe that when I heard this warning – and while I’m happily sucking on some guy’s dick or even fucking some other guy’s wife – that it’s my conscience reminding me that, um, you know you’re breaking a few rules here, don’t you?  Yeah, I know I am… and I’m have fun doing it and while that admonishment can come on pretty strong, it’s something to think about once you get finished what you’re doing (and if it ever gets thought about at all) – but I’ve heard of and have seen this stop people right in the middle of and even before whatever they were doing to break the rules.

The concepts of right and wrong are all known to us and that includes the fact that not being straight is as wrong as it gets; yet, there are millions of bisexuals and homosexuals, aren’t there?  Are they – we – contributing to humankind’s moral decline when we don’t restrict our sexual pursuits to the opposite sex… or are we really just being human and just following our pre-programmed instincts to have sex and by any means necessary?  Was religion created to put the brakes on these instincts and to get us focused on making babies more than anything else?  Are such things really a crisis of faith… or is this just our consciences fucking with us for violating society’s rules – and rules that have a lot of religious underpinnings?  Again, it depends on what you believe or what you don’t believe, doesn’t it?

I’m done for now but I would like readers to understand that I’m not questioning anyone’s believe nor their faith… or even the lack of these things.  I’m just being myself and giving voice to something that many have thought about before me and are thinking about now as they go about the business of internally dealing with their bisexuality and because, yeah, I do have the nerve to talk about some things that we’re not supposed to be talking about.  That guy’s behavior really did a number on me – and ruined what should have been a good ass-fucking and the experience as a whole; if doing this is gonna create a crisis of faith within you, why do it and then put yourself through the mental and emotional hassles that are sure to follow?

Inquiring minds have always wanted to know…

 
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Posted by on 12 May 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Let Us Pray…

If you’re the type of person who likes to have a bit of fun at someone else’s expense, find someone you know who is into, ah, unorthodox sexual behaviors and ask them how their sexual habits, sexuality, etc., jives with their religious beliefs.

Yes, yes, I know – religion is one of those things we’re not supposed to talk about right along with sex, death, and taxes… but it is an interesting question and even a valid one because I think that at some point, we wind up looking at this side of our existence and knowing that some of it doesn’t quite go along with what we’re taught in Sunday school and church, we have that moment when we wonder if, come Judgment Day, we’re gonna have a lot of explaining to do at the Pearly Gates.

I got to thinking about this – again – because of a blog I read the other day – http://spiritualstudd.com/2013/11/30/matchmaking/ – and it caused me to have a Lewis Black moment to see an example of how religion tries to make everyone walk the straight and narrow – emphasis on the word ‘straight’ and then how they expected everyone to do as they say… or else; they know that many of us do, in fact, fear for our immortal soul and worry about whether or not our earthly deeds are going to get us first-class accommodations in the hottest, nastiest, section of hell.

The first time I actually had to think about this was when there was a guy going down on me and making it feel all wonderful and everything when he suddenly stopped, looked up at me with a worried look on his face, and said, “I know I’m going to hell for doing this but I can’t help it – I need to do this…” – and then went right back to blowing me until I creamed his tonsils; his words had stuck in my head and had taken some of the delightful edge off of my release so as I prepared to return the favor, I had to shove the thought to the side for consideration after the fact.

But, as I got him moaning and groaning and fucking my face, I wasn’t having the fun I expected to have because now I’m thinking about having already paid for my ticket to hell by doing exactly what I was doing, something prohibited in religion and, fuck, that meant I was double-damned… didn’t it?

I had a crisis of faith and it was pretty bad until I took the time to sort it all out, weighing human behavior against religious mandates; it was a moment that actually made me seriously think about these things… and then decide that if there really was a hell – and I’m going merely because of my enjoyment in having sex and even sex with men – then I was going to get my money’s worth.  I realized that despite what the preacher would be whooping and hollering about on Sunday mornings as he danced and pranced and stomped around in the pulpit, my relationship with God and Jesus Christ were mine alone and no one had the right to tell me anything different other than to repeatedly put out there that there are some things that religion frowns upon.

Like fornication, for example.  I first heard the word in church and, being the horribly curious kid that I was, I went to the library the next day and looked it up – and popped a boner to see that, basically, fornication is unmarried sex, something that I had recently discovered and was into up to my cute brown eyes.  I came to understand that it’s about control – religion wants everyone to do everything their way, like this is the best way for everyone to live but really being a controlling factor against human behaviors, like that urge we have to have sex and even who we can have sex with and when we’re supposed to do it, right along with how it’s supposed to be done.

That’s all about the perpetuation of the species thing which is important so we are made to understand – in some rather backhanded ways – that anything that doesn’t promote this important survival behavior is frowned up and, yes, if you make it a habit to keep doing the nasty in any way that’s not gonna make babies, well, I hope you have your fireproof skivvies on when it’s your time to leave.

It’s not that difficult to understand and, yeah, it does makes sense… up to a point.  Sex is fun and the deeper one can dive into this particular pool, the more fun it can be.  And, you betcha, being the rather inventive creatures we are, we have come up with so many ways to scratch that itch and, more often than not, without any thoughts about doing these things to make babies; indeed, many of us go about this sinful behavior in ways to make sure no babies are gonna show up unexpectedly, right?  It’s why the Catholic Church has been so dead-set against contraception and abortion because, duh, ya can’t make babies like that.

So when we get to our gay brothers and sisters, well, they’re ‘damned’ nine ways to Sunday for throwing down with someone who’s the same sex as they are and, nope, ain’t gonna make babies like that, are they?  That having sex with someone who’s the same sex as you are can be loads of fun and keeps them emotionally healthy doesn’t mean a whole lot to folks of the cloth – well, some of them because here of late, there are some really gay folks hanging out in pulpits all over the world, preaching the gospel and, hmm, is it hypocrisy for them to preach against sex and sexual behaviors when they’re not following the rules themselves?

Are they going to hell right along with the rest of us sexual sinners?  Kinda makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

I was on one of the swinger sites we belong to, just checking out the forums and seeing what, if anything, the membership had written that I’d find interesting – and this topic came up.  I was slightly amazed – but not terribly surprised – to read that a lot of people were poster children for debauchery even as they fiercely held onto their religious beliefs, reminding one and all that their relationship with God had nothing to do with how they liked to get their rocks off – and it wasn’t anyone’s business to begin with.  Of course, it was clear that while I believed a lot of those forum writers did believe in God, their steadfastness to religious mandates weren’t exactly rock-solid and according to Hoyle, oh, like that “Thou shalt not commit adultery” thing and coveting thy neighbor’s wife.

That one incident early in my life taught me that as humans, we can easily justify anything that we do even though not everyone’s gonna agree with it.  I think I’ve heard all of the ‘usual’ justifications – and have come up with them myself – where sex, sexuality, and religion is concerned.  Sure, I’ve had a lot of sex and in ways that would make the religiously devout go into a coma and my justification for my behavior is rather simple:

I’m human – having sex is what we do and, uh-huh, we can be so creative in our pursuit of busting that nut.  Religion doesn’t exactly agree with human nature and does what it can to prevent us from fully realizing our sexual potential because, again, some of isn’t going to result in making babies and I think that all of us, at some point, ultimately realizes this – and keep right on doing whatever it is we’re doing and in whatever way we’re doing it because we know and have proven to ourselves that sex isn’t just for making babies.

We’ve learned that we can be spiritual, that we can believe in a supreme being, and even believe in the promise of heaven even as we screw the neighbor’s wife, eat pussy, suck cock, fuck each other in the ass, and so many other things that are designed to get and provide orgasmic bliss.

And if we’re going to hell for any of this, oh, well – that’s between me and God and none of your fucking business, right?

Of course, I don’t recommend picking on someone about this if they’re rather sensitive about the subject but if this question has ever popped into your head, it’s always interesting to find out how others feel about it.  I leave you for now with some related articles you may find interesting…

 
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Posted by on 6 December 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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A Fly in the Ointment?

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/09/24/14066248-too-holy-for-sex-the-problem-of-a-married-jesus?lite

So, if you’ve been kinda following this story, does it make you wonder what religion isn’t telling us when preaching to us?  It’s already gotten out that there are books of the Bible that aren’t going to show up in your King James version – does it ever make you wonder why they were excluded?

And, if Jesus was married, does it make a difference where your faith is concerned?  Many religious experts have come forward to debunk this latest discovery and remind us that Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code” is nothing more than a work of pure fiction; there is no woman depicted in “The Last Supper” and there was no way He was married to anyone.

Truth… or a calculated fiction being foisted upon the faithful?  Certainly, I don’t know – I’m no biblical scholar and as one of the faithful, if He was married, how does that change what the Bible says He said?  And if it does change things, um, what aren’t they telling us?

 
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Posted by on 24 September 2012 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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