Tag Archives: Male Bisexuality

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “That’s Gotta Hurt a Little, Huh?”

As I sat astride him, I was sweating so much that it felt like being under a waterfall of sorts; I was hot and sticky with sweat trickling into my eyes. I ignored these things and just as I was ignoring the rather obscene, squishy sounds coming from beneath me as I moved myself all over his dick… and I couldn’t ignore that so much. He was huge – not just long but thick, too, with a cock knob so big that when I was sucking him, I had a bit of a problem getting it in my mouth… but that monstrosity got sucked.

Not five minutes ago, he had been where I was now and as he moved and gyrated, I was kind of in thrall watching his massive erection bobbing all over the place and, admittedly, just a bit envious. Not because he had a big dick; I hadn’t cared about dick size one bit. No: My envy was over the fact that he was hard to begin with, something that I’d never been able to do when someone was screwing me. I had shot my load into him and it seemed to delight him as he smiled broadly and… giggled while urging me to give it all to him.

He got off of me, grabbed the bottle of lubricant – and a lube that I wasn’t “happy” with. I’d tested its slickness and found it to be too thin for my liking and as I struggled to keep my eyes open to see him applying huge globs of it to his dick, I knew his impending entry into me was going to be a lot more not-easy than his size and girth was already predicting. He handed me the bottle and I used a lot of it to get myself as lubricated as possible; the scientist in me had already determined that given its lack of slickness, once he got inside me, it would wear away quickly. My thoughts, as I straddled him – and because he had said, “I want you on top…” was that this was going to be interesting to deal with his “monster meat” as well as the scorching friction I knew would show up at some point.

Truth was I wasn’t quite ready; my body hadn’t fully come down and “reset” after my release but this wasn’t just a matter of honor; I wanted him in me and, in part, “tired” of listening to him talk about how big his dick was and all that other stuff that, again, meant absolutely nothing to me. I positioned myself above him; I could see the anticipatory look in his eyes as I rubbed that huge knob against my hole before taking a long, deep breath and relaxing… and sat right down on him without a moment of hesitation. I felt his knob shove my muscles aside like they weren’t even there; I imagined a ripping sound as his head passed into me and I know I winced a little but kept going anyway until I got all of his dick in me that was going in me.

“Damn…” he had said as I took more deep breathes and willed my body to relax even more. He’d seen what I’d done and I guess that his exclamation was due to him not having someone do that often if at all. I began to move; the discomfort of his entry was almost forgotten; nothing mattered at this point other than his cock sliding in and out of me and getting to the moment when he’d cum in me. I “hated” to admit to how much I wanted to feel him do this… but I also remembered how I had been feeling before I’d met him: I needed to get screwed and nothing was going to make that need go away other than what was happening right now.

It was strangely quiet with little of the “usual verbalizations” one could expect. We were both breathing heavily, the bed was making noises due to our movements; that squishy sound was less noticeable – as predicted, the slipperiness didn’t hold up all that well and the friction being generated wasn’t totally unpleasant as it was doing a number on my prostate and sending orgasmic shivers through me as well as that feeling that I either had to pee… or I had to cum: I was never sure which was which. Despite all of that, I was still moving atop him and as a lot of women had inadvertently taught me every time they’d ridden me; his groans and increasing thrusts told me that he was enjoying being inside me and as much as I was enjoying him being there.

They say all good things must end… and this wasn’t any different. He was thrusting into me so hard and fast that it was to my benefit to stop moving. I was getting more and more uncomfortable; the friction he was creating in me could be felt a lot more and making me even more uncomfortable… but there was nothing to be done about it and only one thing could act as a salve. I felt his dick swell a mere moment before he gasped, started cussing – why do guys do that? – and then his dick was pulsing very strongly inside of me. I couldn’t feel his cum shooting into me but those pulses were telling me everything I needed to know. A crazy-assed thought flashed through my mind – well, two of them did. The first was a memory from my past of being screwed and the guy was cumming inside and had me thinking that he was trying to get me pregnant… and the next thought was that if I was a girl – and given how much his dick was still pumping strongly – he would probably well and truly knock me up.

Then, stillness. No other sounds than his heavy breathing that covered up my sigh of satisfaction and relief or, really, momentary relief because due to his length and thickness – and his gradual softening didn’t make him any less girthy – now I had to get him out of me and, um, kinda aiding that in that certain way wasn’t going to help much in this situation. I slowly eased myself off of him; I don’t know if he even noticed the look of concentration on my face. I could have just gotten off of him but experience had taught me about muscular rebounding and how some muscles act just like rubber bands and when they suddenly stop being stretched, they snap back to the way they were so, no – just hopping off wasn’t something I wanted to do because that “snapback” not only didn’t feel good, it had a tendancy to make me want to throw up. It took me a good minute to ease him out of me; he sighed and so did I but probably not for the same reasons. I flopped down next to him; between my earlier release and my efforts atop him, I was quite tired and, importantly, the need to be screwed and creamed had been sated.

For now. We lay side by side grinning at each other and telling each other how good everything was when he suddenly asked, “That’s gotta hurt a little, huh?”

Yeah, it did but that’s just part and parcel of things. I recall overhearing – and having others “testify” that being fucked in the ass hurts like a motherfucker and such a thing should be avoided at all times and at all costs. What I had learned, silly me, that it can hurt like that motherfucker going in but the more you relax – and the more slipperiness being involved – at some point the pain and other discomfort will fade into the background… as long as the guy isn’t trying to pound the crap out of you.

To his question, I just shrugged because it is what it is and I’d long since understood that in this, there is no pleasure without a modicum of discomfort… or a lot of it and depending. I did say, “That’s to be expected…” and since I was looking at him, I saw him nod in agreement and understanding. My mind flashed back to the moment I had entered him and while I wasn’t as long or as thick as he was, yeah, he felt me just the same.

“It just hurts so good,” he had said as he idly toyed with my nipple that was closest to him.

“Yeah, it does,” I agreed. My body involuntarily shuddered as it remembered what it felt like having him making contact with my prostate and what I’d been doing to… maximize that contact. It’s a weird feeling that feels good but not all that much; it’s always made me think that the male prostate is insane in that it likes being “touched” and doesn’t.

“You were doing a number on my prostate,” he said and as if he somehow knew what I was thinking about.

“Like you weren’t doing a number on mine?” I asked and he actually had the “nerve” to look sheepish and, perhaps, a bit embarrassed. I wasn’t sure… and I didn’t care all that much; I just wanted to come down off that orgasmic high I most certainly experienced… and to do a bit of cleaning since, um, I was, let’s say, leaky. We got up and made our way to the bathroom to take care of what was made necessary; I didn’t know about him but I was now a bit sore and my insides – and thanks to his probably cheap lube – felt like I had a bit of rug burn. It crossed my mind for a moment as we washed up that given his length and girth and how… vigorously I rode him, I was going to be “walking funny” until things settled down… and that, too, was to be expected just as not being able to sit comfortably for a few was.

“You know, I would have been happy if all we did was suck each other off,” he had said. “But, I knew I wanted you to fuck me – ain’t that weird?”

“Not really because I was thinking the same thing,” I said; I wasn’t about to tell him that I had been jonesing to get the high hard one for a few days and if we hadn’t agreed to screw each other, when we’d met, I was already hatching a plan to get him inside me and scratch that itch… and it was pure chance that he was very well equipped to scratch that itch really good.

“The first time I did this? I didn’t think I was going to like it,” he said. “Did you know that you would?”

“No – I had no idea about it at all until the guy who did me tried to stick it in me. He couldn’t and what little he did get in me did hurt… then it felt good and then he shot his load all over my hole and that felt even better,” I said, my mind racing back to that “fateful” day. “After that, it just made sense… if that makes sense. Just like sucking dick, it felt… deliciously wicked and nasty to do something we weren’t supposed to be doing.”

“I know that’s right,” he agreed. “Do you it every time you’re with a guy?”

“Not anymore,” I admitted. “When I was younger, getting fucked was a given; if a guy wanted to fuck you, there was no question about him being fucked. At some point, though, doing it as a matter of course stopped being the fun it once was so nowadays, I only do it when, well, when I feel the need to or, in your case, with someone I feel comfortable enough with.”

“Yeah, me, too,” he said as he nodded. “I found out that because my dick was so big and fat, a lot of girls would run away from me but the fellas? They liked that I was big and fat and, yeah, I felt that if I fucked them, it was only right that they fucked me, that and, um, I liked being fucked.”

“You said it right,” I said. “Besides – if guys wanna fuck each other, there’s only one place other than their mouths, right?”

“Yep!” he said with a laugh but quickly sobered up and said, “I used to feel bad to think that I’ve probably been fucked more than most women I know have.”

“I’ve felt like that myself,” I admitted. “And it’s probably true, to an extent. I just had to learn not to be embarrassed or feel weird about it. It feels good and that’s all that matters.”

“Guys are too scared because they think it’ll make them gay or some shit like that,” he said; I could pick up a hint of frustration in his voice and one that I, too, knew all too well.

“Most people are,” I said. “You’re either into it or you aren’t and there’s reason for both.”

We both got quiet after that and returned to his bedroom to start looking for our clothes that got discarded in a hurry not all that long ago. I was still looking for one of my socks when he asked, “Do you have time for us to, uh, suck each other off, you know, one for the road?”

I probably didn’t but since I had so much fun sucking him earlier, I thought it would be a great idea to do it again and this time be able to feel and taste his cum and I thought it would be “wicked” and “nasty” to suck the dick that, not all that long ago, had been buried in my ass and more so now that it was nice and clean again.

After we blew each other’s brains out, it was time to go. We both agreed that we should get together again to do this but I also had a sense that we were both just being polite and that chances were good that our first time together would be our last. Not that it hadn’t been fun having sex with him but, yeah, sometimes, that’s just the way it goes. If nothing else, I would always have the memory of what it was like to have him inside of me and so deep that I really could feel it in my stomach and I was definitely going to remember feeling his dick pumping like mad and filing me up with his cum as well as the havoc his length and girth wreaked on my prostate.

My butt was sore and I squirmed on the seat of my car trying to get comfortable… and it was worth it.

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Posted by on 22 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What Do You Get Out of Doing This?”

I had a guy ask me this after what I’d call a “marathon cock sucking session” that had him suck me off once… and I’d blown him three times and was trying to get him up a fourth time so I could make sure I’d drained him dry. Turns out the third time did him in for the duration and he was more than a good sport about letting me continue to indulge myself because I’d long since discovered that a dick doesn’t have to be rock hard to enjoy sucking on it.

“You’re a dick-sucking freak!” he said. “I know you said you liked doing this but I had no idea you liked it that much!”

“Hey, it’s not your fault that your dick is a pleasure to suck,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t run into many guys who’s dick feels and tastes so good that I don’t wanna stop sucking!”

“Something I don’t understand, though,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“What do you get out of doing this?” he asked.

His question locked up my brain for a moment, first trying to remember if anyone had every asked me this question and then trying to figure out how to answer him. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer; I just wanted to get it out of my head without sounding like an idiot… which was known to happen.

“Every since I sucked dick for the first time, I was hooked on it,” I began. “The head of his dick in my mouth felt weird but good and all soft spongy and it was… exciting because, as you probably heard, boys weren’t supposed to be doing this and all that.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, rolling his eyes and laughing.

“The rest of him was even more curious; his dick was very hard but soft and smooth at the same time,” I continued. “I was trying to hold it in my hand and it was hard, soft, and hot and it just felt weird and wonderful… and more wonderful than weird. When he came in my mouth, hah, I had no idea that could happen so there was no way I was expecting it; one moment, I’m licking and sucking his dick – he’s moaning and cussing and all that stuff that was making it hard for me not to start laughing. The next thing I know, he groans really loud and then I felt something warm, kinda thick, and both salty and sweet in my mouth and there was so much of it that I did the only thing I could think of – I started swallowing it.”

“Why didn’t you spit it out?” he asked.

“To me, I had a split-second to decide about that. I remember thinking, ‘What’s this?’ and maybe I should spit it out but by the time that crossed my mind, there was a whole lot of it in my mouth and, well, I started swallowing; I say that I swallowed out of self-defense because it was either swallow it or choke on it.”

“That makes sense,” he said with a nod. “You were hooked, right?”

“Yeah… and so much that I couldn’t wait for another chance to do it again,” I said, shaking my head – and he noticed that.

“You’re shaking your head like you regret it,” he said.

“No, that’s not it; this is me being embarrassed about how I went crazy sucking dicks,” I said. “I couldn’t wait to go outside the next day so I could tell all of my male friends what happened and to, um, demonstrate it for them and, as it turned out, I wasn’t the only one who found out about this. Later on, I found it amazing that those of us who were now up to our eyeballs in this seemed to know about it at almost the same time. What was “funny” was that it wasn’t until I busted my first nut – with a girl – a few days later that I found out that the stuff that was oozing out of her was the same stuff the guy had shot in my mouth – the baby-making stuff adults were telling us not to let girls get anywhere near because if they did, they’d get in trouble.”

“Trouble as in getting pregnant?” he asked.

“Yeah – that’s what we called it back then,” I said. “Before the end of the year arrived, all of us who were deep into this was busting nuts and we were having a field day doing it in each other’s mouths and butts and every chance we got, whether it was one-on-one or there was a bunch of us hanging out. After that first time, I had asked myself how could something so bad feel so good and it didn’t take me long to figure out that it’s supposed to feel good… because it always felt good to suck a friend’s dick and swallow his stuff.”

“Damn – I wish I had grown up when and where you did!” he exclaimed.

“You would have had just as much fun as we did,” I said. “It was naughty but way too much fun not to keep on doing. We all knew what could happen if we ever got caught doing it and while that stopped a lot of guys from joining in, the fact that it was so “dangerous” and “nasty” was, by itself, good reason to not stop.”

“Did you ever get caught?” he asked.

“I did, once, but I’ll tell you that some other time,” I said. “Some of my friends did get caught and it didn’t go well for them, to be nice about it. There were a lot of times when I’d be spending the night with a guy and we’re going for it, well, like it was illegal – and it was – then a parent would bust into the room… but not before we heard a noise and stopped. Whoever barged in would say something like stop all that damned noise and go to sleep or else and they’d go back to whatever they were doing… and we’d wait a couple of minutes and go right back to what we were doing and thinking that, yeah, they had no idea what we were doing!”

“I’ll bet they did,” he said.

“That’s what I eventually figured out,” I said. “They knew but since they didn’t catch us doing it, the worst I’d heard say was, ‘You boys better not be doing anything you ain’t supposed to be doing!’ and that told me that, yeah, they knew exactly what we were doing.”

“While a lot of us stepped away from this in favor of fucking girls, not all of us did and I sure as hell didn’t,” I said with a slight shrug. “It felt too good to suck a boy’s dick or to have him screwing me or the other way around, of course. What I didn’t know until I got very much older that sucking dick had me orally fixated, you know, like how good it feels to suck your thumb?”

“I used to suck my thumb until my parents made me stop,” he said, nodding in understanding.

“Mine made me stop, too, but, um, I substituted my thumb with sucking dicks,” I said. “What I get out of it is a great deal of pleasure and that’s the easiest way I can explain it.”

“You don’t do it to make the other guy happy?” he asked.

“To be honest, I didn’t care if it made the other guy happy or not and it took me a while to wrap my head around that,” I said. “Sure, a lot of guys I’d suck made it seem like that was all about them but, I dunno, I just never saw it that way so much. Sure, I wanted it to feel good to them so they could cum but, again, it took me a while to realize that that wasn’t the “main reason” for sucking dick, well, not for me. It didn’t take me too long to figure out that if I’m happy sucking their dick, that’s gonna make them happy, so…”

“That’s an interesting way to look at it,” he said to which the only thing I could do was shrug.

“Well, I knew that guys – most guys, anyway – liked having their dick sucked so if that was happening, they were already happy; the only thing left was whether or not they were gonna cum. I think or, really, I know that I was a popular cock sucker because I always swallowed their cum; sometimes it tasted really good and sometimes pretty bad and when it was, I’d just spit it out. It made some guys mad but I’d just tell them that their stuff just didn’t taste good and they should be glad that I sucked them off at all. But most guys were too busy feeling good about busting a nut to know or care if I swallowed it or not.”

“It became a bit of an ego trip,” I went on to say. “With my mouth, I could make “tough guys” beg and squeal like they weren’t all that tough; they’d tell me that they didn’t want to cum yet and I’d make them do it anyway or, sometimes, they’re yelling that they gotta cum… and I don’t let them. To me, sucking dick was also… power. Some guys would be like, “Yeah, suck my dick!” and be all arrogant and like they were in charge of what was happening… and I was very happy to show them that them being in charge was an illusion and make them “pay” for their arrogance; it felt good to see them go from being cocky and full of themselves to lying there gasping like a fish out of water and trying to get away from me.”

“Like I was trying to do,” he said. “I kept asking myself if you were ever gonna stop or was I gonna have to ask you to stop!”

“You could have and I would have stopped but since you didn’t…” I let the sentence go unfinished but made sure he could see me pointedly staring at his crotch and his very tasty dick. He saw where I was looking and shivered and I pointed that out to him and just said, “That right there is one of the things I get out of sucking dick; seeing a guy get to feeling some kind of way to think – or worry – that I’m going to suck them again.”

“I see your point,” he said. “But there’s no way you made every guy you sucked happy, right?”

“And I’d never say that I always did,” I said. “I used to feel pretty shitty not to make a guy happy but I got over it.”

“Wait – how do you get over something like that?” he asked.

“By telling the guy that even if he didn’t like what I’d done, I had fun doing it and, to me, that’s all that really mattered. I’m sorry you didn’t like it all that much and I mean that but, you know, if you want to, I can try to make you happier,” I said. “Some guys would give me a second chance, some wouldn’t and that was fine because if nothing else, I got to do what I wanted to do.”

“I never looked at it like that,” he said.

“Most cock suckers wouldn’t,” I said. “I’m… special? Different? I don’t think about this like other guys do and I long since gave up trying to figure out why I don’t. I love to suck dick; I can and have done this all day and even several times a day when I could and can. Guys don’t always make it “easy” to blow them and I’ve had some bad cock sucking experiences but not so bad to make me dislike it or to give it up. It’s just too much fun and gives me a great deal of pleasure and not all that different from eating pussy. which is my all-time favorite thing to do.”

“You’re not all that ashamed of it, are you?” he asked.

“Why should I be?” I asked in return. “Why should I feel ashamed or guilty for doing something I not only love doing but wanted to do in the first place? That’s never made sense to me.”

“I see your point. Um, have you ever got mad behind someone calling you a cock sucker?” he asked.

“Oh, hell, yeah – I’d get fighting mad and pretty quick… until I realized that, duh, I am a cock sucker,” I said and shrugged. “I had to sit and think about that one; did it make sense for me to get pissed for being called something that I damned well knew I was? Nope, it sure didn’t. Having said that, if you called me a faggot, one of two things might happen.”

“And they are?” he prompted.

“I’m either going to ignore you… or punch you dead in the face,” I said. “I’m a lot of things but faggot ain’t one of them. People are stupid; they think that guys who suck dick are always gay and believe me: I love pussy too much to ever want to be gay and before you ask – and I know you’re going to – I don’t much care whether I’m getting pussy or dick and if I can have both at the same time, so much the better… for me, anyway.”

“How’d you know I was gonna ask you that?” he asked.

“Because everyone does,” I said. “I know what most people are gonna think about this; if I’m sucking dick, I must be gay and they get pretty baffled to find out that, nope, not even gay… but I like dick. Not as much as I like pussy but, yeah, dick works, too.”

“Doesn’t bother you to admit it, does it?” he asked.

“Again, why should it? Even if someone else can’t accept the truth of what I’m saying, I know it’s true so why should it bother me? Also again, it used to bother me but I saw that there was no point in letting some else’s… ignorance bother me and if they don’t like it, all they can do is not like it. I’ve lost a lot of friends behind this but it is what it is.”

“Every get into fights about it?” he asked.

“A few and that’s kinda funny,” I said. “Some guys just assume that I’m gay and all girly and that they can just kick my ass… until they find out that I can fight and that I can not only street fight but I know judo and karate… and I know how to hurt people really bad. I’ve broken noses, a few arms, dislocated knees and delivered other kinds of damage because, well, I’m not gonna just stand there and let you beat on me – that’s just fucking insane. I might get hurt… but I won’t be the only one. You put that kind of hurt on some folks and word gets around that picking a fight with me because I like to suck dick isn’t going to be in your best interest… and even if you brought friends to back you up.”

“Holy shit,” he muttered to himself. “Remind me to never make you mad, okay?”

“If you don’t start nothing, there won’t be nothing,” I said. “But if you start it, I’m gonna do my best to finish it and by any means necessary.”

The conversation dropped off at this point; it’s an aspect of things that I really don’t like and if the mood between us was starting to wake up again, to keep talking about this wasn’t going to help that at all so I was very glad when he changed the subject by asking me if I wanted to go get something to eat.

“You mean something other than you?” I asked, waggling my eyebrows at him.

“I don’t think I could get it up even if that was the case,” he said with a laugh.

Turns out that he could get it up again after all. It was late in the day before we had had enough of each other and I headed on home and I was insufferably pleased with myself when he told me that I’d given him the best head he’d ever had from anyone. I never let that go to my head but, yeah, it does make me feel pretty good to hear it. As I drove, I was smiling to myself for a few minutes before I kinda settled down because I knew when I got home, there was going to be two women there waiting for me to make love to them and my long day was going to get even longer…

And that, too, made me smile…

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Posted by on 21 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Top, Bottom, or Versatile?

Now we get into an aspect of male bisexuality that is… interesting. I don’t exactly remember when these terms got introduced to the dynamic but I do remember the first time a guy asked, “Are you a top, bottom, or versatile?” and I gave him a blank look because I had no idea what the hell he was talking about… and he had to explain it to me and, admittedly, I was kinda embarrassed that I didn’t know this but stopped being embarrassed because until that moment, there had been no reason for me to know this.

It did get me to thinking hard about how I’d been having sex with guys and after further review, I saw how versatile I was and that I didn’t have a preference (and like a lot of guys do today). I grew up in a sexual environment where us guys did it all because it not only made sense, it was also fair. You suck my dick, I suck yours; you fuck me, I fuck you. It wasn’t until I heard these terms that I went back and re-examined not only the way I was having sex with guys, but how other guys were going about it and after that review, top, bottom, and versatile made a lot more sense and more so when I’d run into guys who’d want me to suck them and give them my ass to fuck but they weren’t of a mind to return any favors; likewise, I’d run into guys who wanted just to suck me and be fucked by me and maybe get their dick sucked and, yeah, many guys who didn’t care who was on top or on the bottom as long as dicks got hard and were made soft and, usually, mutually so.

It didn’t escape my attention that the older I got, the more… different things got with guys and those three words – top, bottom, and versatile – started making a whole lot of sense even though, at the time, I wasn’t all that sure why they made sense; they just described and defined what I was seeing at that point. Guys were… settling in to and with whichever acts were liked the most and passing on those things they didn’t like so much or, interestingly, were of a mind that they weren’t going to like it… even if they’d never done it. I’d discovered what I liked and didn’t like by doing it and, um, usually, more than once or twice but I was hard-pressed to figure out how a guy could say that he was a top or a bottom… and he hadn’t had the sex yet.

It got me digging into what was going on here and learned that, yep – guys were deciding on how they wanted to have sex with other guys because of what they were thinking about it and, yep, how they felt about it. Since having sex with another guy was considered to be very and highly unmanly, there were guys who thought and felt that as long as they weren’t sucking dick and being fucked in the ass, their manliness was very much intact and “everyone” knew that “real men” didn’t suck dick or get fucked – that was for guys who weren’t all that manly… and read that as being effeminately gay. There were guys who thought and felt that their role in sex with other guys was to “be the girl” and not just because it was too much fun to suck dick, swallow sperm, and get their butt loaded up… but because it very much fit the self-image they developed for themselves and, for the most part, this is how they felt but this didn’t necessarily make them gay and more so when such a guy would revel in being the girl with another guy… and turn right around and give some babe the high hard one and without a second thought about it.

I observed that for a lot of guys, it was very important to determine whether or not they were going to be a top, bottom, or versatile before they even got around to taking the plunge; they’d already made up their minds about what they were going to like and what they weren’t going to like and, most likely, because of whatever they’d heard about men having sex with men… and the majority of that came from whatever one knew about gay men. It didn’t take a whole lot of mental effort to see how this behavior dove-tailed with the defined sexual roles: Male/dominant and female/submissive even though I also understood that these established terms really didn’t lend themselves to how people actually had sex but, okay, I saw what was kinda/sorta going on with this top, bottom, or versatile thing that was now a huge part of the bisexual dynamic and mostly because of preconceived notions rather than actual experience.

A guy would say, “I don’t like sucking dick!” and I’d ask him why and especially when he’d say that he had never sucked a dick. It was confusing until I likened it to how children didn’t like, say, broccoli… but they never ate it and wouldn’t. I had a son who made it clear that he didn’t like onions and that got my attention since, at the time, almost all of the meals prepared had onions in them and, of course, when I pointed that out to him, he was shocked and now couldn’t explain why he didn’t like something that he’d been happily eating all along… and I was baffled about his dislike of the same onions he’d been eating and there was no effort to hide the onions in preparations.

What a guy believed in this had more power than anything else. Some of it was that, “I’m not gay!” thing and the misconception that if they didn’t do certain things – suck dick and get fucked – then they weren’t gay at all… and not even giving a single thought that if a guy’s sucking your dick and you’re dick-deep in his ass, that’s a homosexual act just the same. It didn’t escape me that a lot of negotiations for sex with other men would often fall through once the question of being top, bottom, or versatile got answered, leading me to wonder what happens when two tops or two bottoms have sex… and the answer, based upon what I was observing was…

Nothing. Paying attention to how tops defined themselves and how bottoms were defining their role had me thinking that there’s no way anything could happen since opposites attract and sameness repelled… and just like that science experiment involving magnets. Tops initiated sex; they got their dick sucked and it was the bottom’s job/role do this and just as it is their job/role to bend over and take the top’s dick in their ass. Tops did not suck dick nor did they get fucked and it came to light that there were – and are – bottoms who wouldn’t fuck you if their life depended on it and you’d better not even think about sucking their dick – what the hell is wrong with you?

And, yeah, there were the guys who’d say, “Let’s just get naked and do each other!” and that just worked and was more in-line with the way I had sex with the guys I grew up with and other guys I’d met along the way. Then again, we all got our “preferences” by doing stuff and it made sense that anything we learned that we just did not like got thrown out and, yep, that would “sort” guys out into tops, bottoms, and versatile dudes… but didn’t explain, at the time, how a guy decided what he was going to be before doing anything.

I’d learned that male bisexuality was… complicated and this “new” aspect to the dynamic – and one that I eventually reasoned had been in place all along – was even more complicated because it’s pretty normal for people to think about the sex they want to have and how they want to have it… but not be all that interested in what sex is really possible. Like, I knew – and a lot of us knew – that having a dick in your ass hurts like a motherfucker… because that was the word on the street and a lot of us found that, yep, it does hurt because we were having dicks shoved in our butts. You take this known thing and one that made the rounds by word of mouth and, yep, it made sense that there were guys who didn’t want a dick in their ass because (1) it hurts like a bitch and (2) it’s too gay and very unmanly. The other word on the street was that sperm tasted nasty and many of us learned that, yep, ew, sometimes it didn’t taste good at all but since this was the word on the street, it made sense that a guy wasn’t going to suck a dick and wind up with a mouthful of that nasty-tasting stuff and, yes, because this, too, was too gay and unmanly.

What made this not so much of a given was that I’d run into tops who were amazing cock suckers and sometimes, they had no qualms about being fucked… depending on the guy they were with. While a lot of bottoms didn’t agree with the tops’ assessment that being the one to suck dick and swallow sperm and get it deposited in their butt was all that unmanly, if they were with the right guy, a bottom could be a top but because it wasn’t their main MO, neither “group” would say that they were versatile since this wasn’t something they’d do in the majority of times and even under rare circumstances.

At some point, versatility kinda went by the wayside because the dynamic somehow settled into the either/or thing of you were either a top… or you were a bottom and guys who were versatile were the weird dudes and as evidenced in the many times a guy would ask if I was a top or a bottom and I’d say, “Yes.” It had got locked in that tops needed bottoms and bottoms needed tops but guys who were and could be both? Yeah… weirdos. Because I was (and still am) versatile, a lot of “dedicated” tops and bottoms would head for the hills rather than to have sex with me because that meant, to them, that I was into some shit that they weren’t into and wasn’t going to be come hell or high water. What they didn’t understand – and I think they still don’t – is that being versatile doesn’t mean whatever you do to me I’m gonna do to you; it’s a mode of flexibility inside a sexual behavior that is also flexible. If you wanna top me and I feel like being topped, let’s do it. If I feel like topping and you wanna be topped, okay – I can do that… because, if nothing else, this is what and how I learned to have sex with guys. Sometimes, I just wanna suck dick without any reciprocation at all and sometimes I just wanna kick back and be sucked and not be of a mind to suck dick. Unless you wanted to do something that was on my list of Things I Will Never Do With, To, or For Anyone, I’m good with whatever you wanna do and, of course, depending upon how I’m feeling but with the sure and certain understanding that I can change my mind about something in a flat, skinny second… and I have.

The dynamic took another interesting term when M2M sex was “determined” to be very manly and I found out about this while investigating what others were calling the “thug mentality” and there is a code that defines the behavior and, as I understood it, created by the late Tupak Shakur. What I was learning was that inside the code was an unwritten thing that said that if your brother needed sex from you – or wanted to have sex with you – it was the height of manly responsibility to provide it and there was no shame or even labels attached… and I thought, “Wait, what?” But I understood it but even this “drastic change” in the dynamic settled into tops and bottoms… mostly and with versatility being like the red-headed stepchild you knew about but didn’t always pay any attention to.

But, okay: Trying to figure out how a guy would and could determine his role in this before having any of the sex was mystifying and confusing but, okay, I got it… right up until the day when Cityman mentioned to me that he was talking to a guy who described himself as top/verse and I had a big Lewis Black moment (and if you’ve ever seen his comedy routines, you know what I’m talking about). I was like, “How can a guy be a top… but versatile or describe himself as bottom/verse… when those terms don’t match up with each other? The way I understand it, you’re either versatile… or you aren’t.”

And, yeah, Cityman had to explain it to me and I understood that it was more… situational and like those who say that they’re bi with the right person or my “favorite,” socially bi. A top/verse is a top… but with the right person, he could do bottom things; likewise, a bottom/verse is a bottom but, again, with the right person, they could do top things… and I said to myself, “What the fuck?” I thought it was “bad enough” that things had been broken into three separate and distinct pieces… and now things have been sliced and diced even more and, I think, unnecessarily so except for one’s self-perception and peace of mind.

“I don’t really see how this is any different from, say, how I’ve always behaved in this,” I had said to Cityman and even he admitted that this new term didn’t make a lot of sense; it was just another way, albeit a weird one, to explain the potential to not always stick strictly to their default M2M behavior… which is what I’d always believed “versatile” meant… but what do I know?

You wanna hear something “funny?” Women can behave like this, too. I know bi women who will not eat pussy for love or money and I know bi women who love having men eat them… but never another woman. And there’s the women who are all in, all of the time; if it’s something two girls can do, it just works. And some of them decide this without doing anything with another woman. They think, “This is what I want to do and it’s the only thing I’m going to do…” and for whatever reason this makes sense to them. And just like guys do, they’re not often of a mind to change their mind about their role in this and, like guys do, they often tend to believe that once they’ve decided their role, it can’t ever be changed.

What a tangled web we’ve weaved. I get it and I really do but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t fascinate the living daylights out of me and more so when, if I’ve not learned anything about sex, it’s that we do it in whatever way works best for us and those ways are interchangeable despite being so clearly, if not erroneously, defined. Instant gratification is loosely defined as, “I want what I want and in the exact way I want it; anything else just does not ever work.” It’s the reason, I think, that people become bisexual but turn right around and shove themselves inside another box after they’ve escaped the one they were previously in… then making the box smaller and smaller and finding themselves trapped in patterns of behavior that they think or “know” that can’t get out of.

What happens when two tops want to have sex with each other? You’d think – and as I did – nothing can happen… but that’s not really the truth because even sex like this follows the male/dominant – female/submissive rules or, to put it crudely, someone has to be the guy and someone has to be the girl or that’s what we think. Two tops could, if they choose to, do whatever they want to do to, with, and for each other and they can… situationally. Guys are… hilariously funny in that if “Ted” is a top and “Greg” has gotten his attention – but Greg is also a top, well, depending on how badly Ted needs to bust a nut or two, he’s willing to do whatever as long as Greg is also willing… hence that top/verse thing I mentioned earlier but is really being, um, versatile.

Likewise, you’d think that two bottoms who have “the hots” for each other would be at an impasse to do anything and given how being a bottom is defined these days… and enter that bottom/verse thing now. What’s at fault here is that we almost always think about the sex we want to have… but not so much the sex we could have if we didn’t have the preferences that exist and in a very rigid state.

I’m not even gonna get into that submissive and power bottom stuff I’ve been made aware of; this shit is already confusing enough as it stands. Perception versus the truth: People who don’t know anything about bisexuality assume that if two guys – or two gals – get together, they do everything that can be done and without exception… and that’s never been true because we have some shit stuck in our heads about how sex is supposed to happen and what our role in it has to be and, usually, with few or no exceptions. I know what’s good and bad about sucking dick… because I experienced it; likewise, I know what’s good and bad about anal sex – been there, done that.

But there are men, to speak specifically, who makes these determinations without being there or doing that and that just fascinates me and very much speaks to how our minds works about such things. I know women who will say that, sure – if “Jessie” wants to eat her pussy, she’d be okay with it… but Jessie’s coochie would go uneaten, not because she couldn’t go down on Jessie but because she’s already made up her mind that she’s not going to like it and, sometimes, because she believes she’s not going to be good at it and as she’d be expected to be. I know guys who will let another guy suck his dick and finish him off… but wouldn’t return the favor, not because he doesn’t know how to but usually because he’s convinced himself that he can’t and he’s not going to for any reason.

I’ve said, “You never ask a man to do something you wouldn’t do yourself…” and in the world of tops and bottoms, this is exactly what tends to happen. It’s not what the two of us could do – it’s what I want you to do and anything I don’t want to do is and will forever be non-negotiable. It’s one’s right, of course, and it’s usually couched in one’s preferences which are locked down and unchangeable and, at least in the world of M2M, this is just how it is: You’re either a top or you’re a bottom and those roles have been clearly defined and delineated… and I’ll be damned if I really know why. I get it: “I don’t have to if I don’t want to…” and my question is, “Why don’t you?”

The answers tend to surprise me since, most of the time, the usual answer is, “Because I don’t want to!” and with some folks, you have to dig really deep to get to the root of this and a lot of is… “Because I’m not supposed to…” and depending on how they see their roles in sex, which differs when it’s sex with a woman and sex with a man… and not seeing that it’s all the same since women can and do top men and the female/dominant role in sex is also a very real thing and even more so when pegging is now a “thing” – and not like it never was, by the way.

Just saying.

Confused? Yeah, so I am – and I’m up to this to my pretty brown eyes.


Posted by on 18 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Wow…”

That was the first thing “Gary” was able to say as I sat up, let his cock fall from my mouth, and licked my lips to savor the salty-sweet taste of his cum and all while taking a very close look at him.

He was beet-red, breathing heavily, hair plastered on his head an in an amusing way; he looked… surprised with the classic dinner plate eyes that were blinking pretty fast and jaw dropped in… disbelief? It was hard to read him at this moment but what I was seeing wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before with guys experiencing a blow job from a guy for the first time.

“You okay?” I asked as I watched his chest rise and fall as well as seeing the moment his wide open eyes lost that “glassy” look.

“Yeah, wow,” he said again. “I had no idea this could be so… intense.”

I wanted to laugh at this because I knew that I had taken it easy on him; subjecting him to how intense I could really get when sucking dick could have had some unwanted reactions.

“Hmm, did I mention that it can be one hell of an experience?” I asked.

“You did… I just didn’t think it would be like that,” he said.

And I wasn’t all that surprised that he said that because a lot of guys somehow have it in their head that having a guy suck them off is so very different. Before the fact, I did my “duty” and talked at length to him about what he was getting himself into when he let me know that he was very interested in finding out what it was like to be sucked by a guy and do some sucking himself and his hope that I was “the guy” who’d be willing to show him the ropes, as he had put it.

Another of those… disconnects. I can tell you what to expect but sometimes it doesn’t really prepare a guy all that much since a lot of guys are very much of a mind that a guy sucking their dick is so very different from a gal doing it… and even when I had told Gary that the only real difference was who was doing it. I had listened to him telling me how long he’d been trying to do this and how many times he had failed in the past; I could tell by the way he was talking that he was unsure about whether or not he really wanted to experience this as well as expressing his concerns about not being able to “return the favor” and as he said he also wanted to experience.

“We’ll worry about that later,” I had said. “Let’s get you through the first part and the first thing I’d like for you to do is to relax and just breathe normally.”

Gary had no problem being naked with me or seeing me just as naked; some guys can’t get past this part easily but as I sat next to him and as he was lying on his back, my biggest concern was him being tense and breathing rapidly enough for him to hyperventilate and pass out… and I’d seen that happen quite a few times.

“There is nothing I’m going to do that a woman hasn’t done to you,” I said. “Don’t worry about cumming in my mouth because that’s exactly what I want you to do so if you needed “permission,” it’s given, okay?”

Gary just nodded. I carefully put my hand on his thigh to, one get him used to being touched in this way by a guy but to also feel how tense he was – and he was practically vibrating under my hand which has me saying to him – again – “Relax. Breathe. If you think it’ll help, you can close your eyes and when you’re ready, just say you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay,” he said. “Jesus… I don’t believe this is happening!”

“Remember, you can say “stop” at any time and for any reason,” I reminded him; I had noticed that I didn’t feel his body trembling as much as it was a moment ago and that his breathing was… better. He wasn’t hard… yet but that wasn’t something I found to be unusual.

“Ready,” he said a few moments later. “I don’t fucking believe this…”

“Okay, here goes,” I said quietly. I began by just touching him; his chest and nipples and just feeling my way down his body; I rested my hand on his stomach and felt the muscles there fluttering and said, “Relax…” I looked up at him to see him nod and I really do wish you could have seen the look on his face. I took his dick in hand and used my other hand to cup his balls; that his body reacted like he’d been shocked was expected because, again, a lot of guys just believe that it’s different than being touched this way by a woman.

Then I just went down on him, planting a few kisses on his knob and shaft before taking all of his limpness in and swirling my tongue around; I felt him beginning to harden quickly before he gasped at the contact – so much for him telling me that he didn’t think he’d be able to get it up. I sucked him slowly which ran counter to the way I just wanted to devour him but this was his first time and fully giving in to my own lust, again, could have a negative effect on him.

“God, that feels good,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

So I didn’t, not like I was going to unless he said stop in the way that really meant stop. It didn’t take him very long before his body was automatically fucking into my mouth and I just let him do it as he wanted to while alternating between applying suction or not and letting my tongue just wander over his dick. So far, Gary was handling this very new thing and, I thought, way better than he believed he’d be able to. For me, it was all very comfortable and, in a way, kinda clinical because this wasn’t about me – this was all about him and despite what I was doing to his dick, I was very much paying attention to him for any signs that he was in distress… and signs that I’d seen way too many times before.

“Oh, shit… I’m gonna cum!” he blurted out… and for me, it wasn’t necessary for him to announce that since I’d been feeling those little tremors running through his dick and how often he was softening just a little before getting hard again. I knew he was watching me suck his dick and I didn’t have to look up to know he was so I just nodded and picked up the pace a little and, yeah, even indulging myself by taking him deep over and over. His body was so “out of control” at this point; his breathing was fast and heavy and he was thrusting into my mouth a bit faster. Oh, he was so very close and now it was about shoving him right over the edge.

I felt his dick swell in my mouth and just before I heard him groan and curse; that first shot of cum blasted into my mouth and, oh, my, there was a lot of it; yeah, so much for him saying that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to cum like this. I just held him in my mouth as he emptied his balls, moaning, groaning, cursing and going back to fucking my mouth a little until he was back to being limp in my mouth.

That’s when I sat up and looked at him and heard him say, “Wow…” Yep, he was going to be fine… but this wasn’t over with and I’m not talking about him sucking my dick. I’ve seen guys be in this moment then the clarity returns and, sometimes, that’s when the shit hits the fan as the guy realizes what just happened and how totally forbidden it is and for some, when this moment goes bad, it really goes bad. And it’s part of my duty to make sure it doesn’t go bad and with Gary, it began with me asking him if he was okay.

We talked for a few minutes because I found it helps some guys to deal with what just happened when they can tell me how they’re feeling and what, if anything, they might have been thinking. You might think, “What is there to talk about?” and in a way, you’d be right but, again, unless you’ve seen this go horribly wrong, just letting the guy talk things out is a good thing. When I tell you that I’ve seen guys suddenly break down and have a crying fit or, jeez, throw up, I’m not even kidding about that; I’ve seen guys have full-blown panic attacks and very major guilt trips.

For Gary, none of the bad stuff appeared… but I knew that this didn’t mean that once he had the time to really think about it, it could pay him a visit and exactly why I had made it clear that if he had any problems later on, he should call me. For now, Gary was fine and that’s all that mattered. Still, there was yet another moment of truth waiting for him and he knew it because he had asked, “I guess it’s my turn to do you, huh?”

“Not if you don’t want to or can’t,” I said. I had let him know that sometimes and after a guy cums, whatever else he had plans on doing might not happen because they were no longer in the mood to do anything else.

“It’s only fair, right?” he asked.

“It’s not about being fair at this moment,” I said. “You’re going through something a lot of guys have major problems going through and if you find that you can’t or don’t want to suck me, then I’m not expecting you to and I’m more than understanding.”

“How can you be so cool about this?” he asked.

“Because I have to be,” I said. “I’ve seen way too many guys have their first experience and the other guy has left them hanging or some other dastardly shit like that… and I’m not trying to be that guy – I do have a reputation to uphold.”

“Just give me a minute, okay?” he asked.

“Take your time,” I said. “You’ll know if you’re ready or not and, again, if you aren’t, it’s no big deal.”

I thought I could see the moment in his eyes when he decided to suck me and just before he politely asked if I’d lay flat for him, which I did and without taking my eyes off of him because experience had taught me that if a guy didn’t freak out being sucked, when attempting to suck a dick, that’s when the freak-out can happen.

“I’m not sure what to do,” he said, looking up and back at me.

“Remember what I said? That easiest way is to go about it as you’d want someone to do it to you?” I reminded him. “You don’t have to just go for it in one fell swoop; you can do what I did and just touch me until you feel comfortable and ready. Don’t worry – you can touch me in any way you want to.”

“Right,” he said… and he started touching me, tentatively at first, but with growing confidence. I didn’t laugh – and like I wanted to – when he asked me to turn over so he could “massage” my back and mess with my butt cheeks for a moment or two before asking me to turn back over. For me, it was important to just let him do whatever he felt like doing at this point and not do or say anything that might be perceived as putting any pressure on him. By this time, I was seriously hard and I watched him just staring at my dick for a long moment before he wrapped his hand around me and cupped my balls – and almost exactly what I’d done to him.

“I don’t believe I’m about to do this,” he said – either to me or to himself or maybe all of the above. At this point, it was important for me to stay still as he worked it all out in his head to make the go/no decision and I actually felt him “flinch” a little as the decision was made and he lowered his head and kissed the head of my dick, then licked it, and then took it into his mouth and, yeah, I gasped despite not wanting to do or say anything that might freak him out in this moment.

He wound up taking a bit too much of me and it prompted me to say to him, “Never try to do more than you’re able to do, okay?”

He nodded his understanding and kept sucking me until it was becoming difficult for me to stay still along with some moaning and groaning of my own and interspersed with telling him how good it felt and that sentiment was no bullshit confidence builder. The longer he sucked me, the more confident and, dare I say, bold he got; at one point, he stopped sucking me to suck my balls which, honestly, I didn’t expect but, again, this was about what Gary wanted to do more than anything I might have wanted. I could feel “the pressure” building up inside of me and more so when I really don’t know what it is about guys who are new to sucking dick that just makes me want to lose it in a hurry.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” I said to him and as I had promised I would. In my experiences, there is nothing that can be worse for a first time guy than to suddenly wind up with a mouthful of cum and one that he didn’t know was, well, coming. This is also that moment when a new guy has the option to stop or keep going… and I never really know what he’s gonna do; I’ve been with guys who prefer not to get that mouthful, get the warning, and they just keep going anyway or, yep, they stop. No biggie either way because, once more, this is about him.

Gary nods and moans his understanding of the warning… and kept at it until all pretense of being in control of myself got kicked to the curb – and I came in his mouth. I can tell you that it’s very difficult to do this and keep an eye on the new guy for any signs of distress but I somehow managed it and saw that… look he got on his face and that “chipmunk cheek” thing that some guys do in this moment; he was deciding whether the taste agreed with him or not and also deciding to spit it out – and as I told him he could – or swallow it – and I had told him that he didn’t have to. Gary had a moment as he swallowed and for a moment, I was “afraid” that he was going to throw up… and on me – yep, that’s happened before and it ain’t pretty.

But he didn’t and to his credit, swallowed my cum and kept sucking me until I got soft.

“Did I do okay?” he asked and I knew he was asking because he did think he’d be any good at doing this, to which I had said that the only way to find out is to do it.

“You did okay and then some,” I said honestly and truthfully.

“It’s not that bad,” he said.

“What isn’t?” I asked.

“Doing it and, um, tasting it,” he said. “I just hope you liked it.”

“I did and, to be honest, I’m not sure if you were being truthful when you said you’d never done this before,” I replied. Yeah, I know he hadn’t but I’ve seen guys take to this instantly and like they’ve been doing it all of their lives and while it took him a few moment to adjust to it, yeah, it was like this wasn’t new to him at all… plus I wanted to make him laugh, which he did.

“Wow, that was… something,” he said as he lay down next to me. “So now what?”

“That depends on you,” I said. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Excited. Tired.” he said. “I had hoped that this would be everything I thought it would be, you know?”

“Yeah, I know… and was it?” I asked. This is a key moment and one where guys tend to beat themselves up over doing something that they wanted to do but knew they weren’t supposed to.

“It was and thanks, before I forget,” he said. “I don’t know why it took me so long to actually do this!”

“A lot of guys say that,” I said with a laugh but, then again, I knew he’d say something to that effect.

“Um, ah, do you think we can do this again?” he asked.

“If you want to, it’s fine with me,” I said. “This is your moment.”

And, yes, he wanted to go again and for both of us, it was better than the first time; it never fails to amaze me how some guys just adapt so quickly to this and I gave him major props for wanting to 69 this time although I had suggested that side by side would be best… at this point.

We’d showered together afterward and we talked or, really, he talked and I listened and this, too, is something I’ve always deemed to be so very important after a first experience. The funny part was when he noticed how closely I was paying attention to him and he said, “You’re looking at me like you’re expecting me to explode or something!”

“That’s not far from the truth,” I said. “Like I told you, I’ve seen guys go through some major shit after their first time and none of it is good so it’s important to me to know that before I leave, you really are okay.”

“I feel good and okay,” he said after a moment of thought. “As a matter of fact, what are you doing tomorrow?”

I laughed and said, “I have a sneaking suspicion about what you wouldn’t mind doing.”

“That obvious, huh?” he asked and joined in the laughter.

This was a good “wow” moment for Gary and one that I was glad I was able to provide. You just don’t toss a guy into this and expect him to sink or swim and when it’s likely he’s going to sink. You take the time to explain it all and in as much detail as possible so that the new guy can make an informed decision on whether he really wants to do this or not. You always give them the chance to just walk away and without fear of repercussion as well as not putting any pressure on them to do anything at all. It takes a lot for a guy to think about taking the plunge and even more to actually go through with it and that must always be respected and appreciated. I remember Gary telling me after our fourth or fifth time together that I could have done anything I wanted to him…

And I told him that while I appreciated that, it would have been the wrong thing to do at the time because, first and foremost, none of that first time was about me other than wanting to provide it and in the most enjoyable way possible. When he asked me why that was so important to me, I told him this:

“Because I didn’t have the benefit of someone explaining it all to me; I got… tossed in and it was probably pure luck that I was more than okay with it,” I said. “I just don’t think it’s right to just throw a guy into the deep end and not knowing or caring if he can swim or not because, like I told you, I’ve seen this go very, very wrong and that’s not gonna happen on my watch if I can help it.”

A very immoral act but one done responsibly… because no other way makes any damned sense.

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Posted by on 14 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Is This All There Is?”

I was attending a week-long seminar and the evening of the second day found me sitting in the hotel bar after dinner, not because I wanted to drink but because I just wasn’t ready to go back to my room and since it was raining like crazy, going for a walk was out of the question. As I sat and pondered the rest of the seminar’s agenda to come, a guy came in and took the bar stool a couple of spots from where I sat; we did the “up nod” greeting and we both kinda mumbled, “How you doing?” He started drinking and I was considering getting another drink when he broke the silence between us by asking if I was attending the seminar and like he was.

I said that I was and kinda half-smiled/half-grimaced when he said that he thoughts to and that I looked familiar and inside my head, I was kinda laughing because I was the only Black guy attending the seminar so, um, I wouldn’t have been that hard to miss – but I didn’t say that to him. But it was a decent ice-breaker and he moved to the stool next to me and we were talking about… stuff – our respective jobs and organizations, how long we’d been there, where we were from; you know, stuff.

After maybe his third or fourth drink – and I was barely through my second – the conversation turned to more personal things like being married with kids and the trials and tribulations of raising a family. After a while, I excused myself to hit the men’s room and upon my return, not only did I find that he had bought me a drink, he had a question for me:

“Is all there is to sex just about women?”

I didn’t expect that but I probably should have; I took a sip of my drink, kinda sighed, and said, “No, not really.”

He launched in to a monologue about how much he loved his wife and enjoyed having sex with her but felt like there was something missing and that he felt as if he’d run into a sexual wall. I allowed that a lot of guys – married or not – tend to feel this way and more so when women, well, they can be funny about having sex because they operate under different conditions than us guys did.

“So what else is there?” he asked – and now there’s a clock running in my head and telling me that I only had a few scant seconds to make a few decisions, from answering his question and on to what else there was so I flipped a coin in my head and answered him.

“A lot of guys, um, find that doing something with other guys is what they’re missing and some even get it in their head that sex with men is a next step kind of thing,” I said.

“Yeah, I thought so,” he said. “What do you know about that?”

“Probably more than a lot of guys,” I said, thinking there was no point in trying to be evasive considering I had already said something about it.

He sat straight up, not so much in a surprised kind of way but in a way that “said” that I’d gotten his attention. He said, “I don’t mean to pry…” and he didn’t have to finish the statement that I knew would end in a question so I took another sip of my drink and without going into great detail, told him how I knew that sex with women wasn’t all there was to having sex.

When I finished saying all I was gonna say about it, he was deep in thought processing what I’d said about sucking dick and fucking/being fucked and how normal and natural all of that seemed to be… and I’m sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop and the moment when he was going to propose that, um, he gets introduced to this alternative form of sex. But the shoe didn’t drop; he just nodded and said that this was some good information to know. Against my protests, he paid his tab and mine and said that he’d see me at the seminar tomorrow and that he had a lot of thinking to do.

To shorten this part of things, ah, um, he got introduced to cock sucking the next night and, um, needed several moments to decide that not only was this the thing he was missing but it was something he could get very used to. He had asked me, “It is unusual for guys like me to go this route?”

“No, it isn’t,” I said. “I’m not really sure but it has always seemed to me that when men run into that sexual wall, doing what we’ve been doing just seems to be the next logical choice. It somehow goes from not making any sense at all to making all the sense in the world.”

And a lot of years after that event, I still don’t quite know how this makes the transition from “I ain’t ever gonna do that shit” to “I wonder why I never did this before now” and, again, go from making no good sense to some kind of a no-brainer. My… disadvantage in this is that I’ve never been in the position to make such a transition and like a lot of guys tend to be in and I’m sure that because I didn’t, it doesn’t exactly lend itself to being able to fully understand it except what I’ve learned from the many guys who have been in this situation and discovered that sex with women isn’t the alpha and omega of things.

It’s a bold step into unknown territory and one that comes with a huge disconnect in that it’s not like we don’t know that men have sex with each other but knowing it is one thing… and doing it yourself is, classically, an entirely different animal. And, yeah, women aren’t immune to the disconnect or the transition. It is not – and as some seem to think it is – exchanging one mode of sex for another mode; it is an inclusion and it can be a very confusing one due to people having said over all this time that people are either straight or they’re gay and finding out that you can be both, well, there you have it and now it’s a matter of whether this inclusion works and serves the purpose or not. Ironically, those who take the initial transitional steps are often of a mind that, nah, this ain’t working but upon further review, yeah – this can work and more so when many of these folks find that you don’t have to give up one thing to have the other.

Back to that moment. After his… initiation, he was pensive and thoughtful and I was pretty sure what was going on inside his head so when he asked, “How do you deal with the guilt?” I wasn’t surprised and I launched into the whole moral issue involved and including that a lot of what he was feeling wasn’t actually having a guilty conscious. Yeah, he just cheated on his wife and I aided and abetted in that and there was no excuse for it, well, no excuse that polite society would find acceptable.

“The moral conundrum isn’t easy to get past,” I eventually said. “Like anything else we do, there are always consequences and we have to decide on whether we’re going to accept the consequences of our actions or not. I’m not cheating on my wife because we have an agreement that shapes our open relationship because we came to understand that both of us are going to have needs that we can’t do anything about and I don’t know about you but there’s is nothing more miserable than living with someone who is being deprived. Yeah, it’s something that a lot of people think is totally fucked up but we weren’t of a mind to let something like this destroy not only our relationship but ourselves as well.”

Indeed, the aforementioned conundrum tends to fuck a lot of people up because they can’t seem to easily parse how something that’s said to be so forbidden can feel so right, normal, and natural. When he mentioned this – and I knew he would – I told him about the question I had asked myself after my initiation and that the answer was, “It feels good because it’s supposed to feel good… and it’s bad because everyone believes it is. I, um, have reason to believe otherwise.”

In between moments, we talked about how a lot of couples try to spice things up and trying to recapture the early moments of their relationship when the sex was crazily off the chain; I spoke to how this phenomenon isn’t something that just people in a relationship wind up dealing with and that a lot of single people also ask if having sex in one way only is all there is to having sex. Again, that disconnect I mentioned earlier comes into play because it’s not like we don’t know about homosexual sex; it’s just that few people can easily wrap their head around the fact that it’s something they can actually get into… and without having to be homosexual and in that steady-state we think just being straight or gay “has” to be.

When you’re bisexual, you learn some shit about having sex that our morality would prefer you never learn. It can’t do anything about finding out that sex really isn’t boy/girl, boy/boy/ or girl/girl or finding out that sex can be all of the above and it does do all it can do to prevent you from dipping your toes in to test the waters or, gasp, finding out that this ain’t as bad as it’s said to be. Whether or not one can find reason to dip their toes in is a whole different matter but, yeah, a lot of people do and they find out that being able to have sex in this was is the thing they were missing. It’s not being greedy or so much of a matter of not being able to have enough sex but more of a thing that simply says that having sex in the monosexual way of things just isn’t the only way to have sex…

If one can be bold and daring enough to take that step into the unknown… and the truth is twofold: Some people are that bold and daring and even out of some sense of urgent necessity… and some people just aren’t.

At one point, the guy had just made me cum and became pensive again; he asked, “Why does this feel so goddamned normal?”

“Because it is,” I said. “We’re just made to believe that it isn’t. What fucks people up about this is that they find that whatever they thought they knew about sex and intimacy is woefully incomplete or, really, they only know about one aspect of it. Most people, upon taking the plunge, expect it to be so… alien but as they’re getting into it, they find that it’s not all that alien and, like you said, that it’s not as bad as they thought it would be. It’s quite the shock to the system, isn’t it?”

“So everything I was told about this was a lie?” he asked.

“Only in that it’s more of a lie of omission,” I said. “You were told the truth… just not all of it and it’s even one of those semantical arguments because what we’ve been told is that we shouldn’t have sex like this… not that we can’t have sex like this.”

“Right… because if we couldn’t, it would be physically impossible,” he said, coming to the same conclusion that a lot of bisexuals become very aware of..

On night #4, we talked about fucking and whether or not it was mandatory and I allowed that for some it is and for others not so much, plus it’s not something that one can, ah, easily adjust to and, yep, it really does hurt going in and either a little or a whole lot. He wanted to try it – and I knew he would before the matter even came up and he learned something about himself and some of it didn’t sit well, like not being able to stay hard while trying to enter me.

“Don’t worry about it – it happens,” I said to him. “It’s a mental block that some guys just can’t remove because who doesn’t know what comes out of that place?”

He learned that being screwed wasn’t all that bad but, yeah, something that one has to learn to get used to. I pointed out to him that while a lot of guys believe that fucking is mandatory, it really isn’t if you find that it’s something you just can’t do, adjust to, or feel all that comfortable with. In the end he determined that blowing each other was easier.

In this, it’s not just about finding out that there’s more to having sex than what you’ve been told; it’s also finding out what works and what doesn’t and that’s mostly through trial and error and, as I told him, “Going forward – and if you even do – you will find that your experiences will most definitely vary and you just might get to a point where you’ll change your mind about doing something you previously didn’t find to your liking all that much. A lot of this is… situational; it’s the right/wrong thing to do in the right/wrong situation and with the right/wrong person. Don’t be surprised if, somewhere down the road, you blow a guy and it’s the yuckiest thing ever but the next time – and even with the same guy – it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.”

“This is complicated, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Only if you make it that way,” I said. “Or when someone else tries to complicate it for you. See, everyone has this idea of what this is supposed to be like but not always able to see the bigger picture and what it can be like and, mostly, dependent upon how you’re feeling. Don’t be surprised if, one day, you find that you wanna stick it in someone’s ass and your dick stays as hard as a rock and when you’re expecting it not to. It’s a… process.”

I don’t know what he did about any of this once the seminar was over and everyone went home. As I was flying home, I was… happy to have been able to show someone that there is more to this sex thing than we’ve been made to believe and that the other option really isn’t as bad as we’ve been told or may have heard. Yes – a lot of the horror stories are very real and we do tend to assume that if it went wrongly for someone, it’s going to go just as wrongly for us but it remains true that it can only go wrong when it does go wrong… and that if you fervently believe it will, Mr. Murphy is going to make sure that your worst nightmare will be made real.

Making the transition is… a process and not an easy one for a lot of people. I have seen way too many men and women say that this is something they could never do or have reason to… only to get severely shocked to find that not only do they have a reason to but they can do it… and like they’ve been doing it this way all along. I don’t pretend to understand how this works – I just know it does and works even better once one can sort it all out in their heads. Again, some people just can’t work it out and some find themselves being able to work it out somewhere down the road…

But it remains true that boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl aren’t the only viable options when one feels like there’s something missing; all of the above is also a viable option if one is willing to take that step into the unknown. Many take and adjust to bisexuality like it’s no big deal… and some, again, just can’t; having the potential to be bisexual and being bisexual in both thought and deed is something that not everyone can do and even if they think they can or, yeah, get their eyes pinned open to find out that they can not only do the “unthinkable,” it’s what they’ve been missing in their sexual life and, yup, it ain’t really all that bad.


Posted by on 13 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is Romance a Requirement?

The answer depends on who you ask. I remember in the early days after the now-infamous NY Times article came out that there was a rush of stuff hitting the Internet that included some stuff that said, to paraphrase, “If you’re not in a same-sex relationship, you’re not really bisexual.”

I also remember laughing until my sides hurt after reading that but once I got myself back under control, I started to wonder where this came from and more so when, at best, being able to find a guy you could have sex with on as regular a basis as possible was all well and good but being in a romantic relationship with him? Eh, yeah, no; I mean, sure, I like you and I like what we do together but I don’t like you that much. A lot of this… resistance stemmed from the “fact” that being romantically involved with a guy was just “too gay” for a lot of sensibilities and things were still at a point where sex-only situations were preferred over being another guy’s boyfriend and full-time lover. The gay overtones were still there but romance and relationships were being eschewed because going this route wasn’t what guys (in particular) wanted to do and more so if they were already in a relationship.

A lot of guys were writing that perhaps they weren’t as bisexual as they thought themselves to be because they had no desire or need to be in a same-sex relationship and many said that they just couldn’t see themselves in such an arrangement. Some kinda waffled to say that if they could get with a fuck or suck buddy and be in a FWB kind of thing, that would be okay and it was deemed to be the safer option. I was reading stuff about homoeroticism versus homoromanticism and, wow, dudes were losing their minds over this debate and many were of a mind that if the only thing that interested you about other men was just having sex with them, you’re going about things the wrong way.

Coming from the old school, this fascinated me and had I not seen stuff like this more than a few times, I might not have noticed a shift in the dynamic and a growing departure from casual sex. I still wanted to know who said that you couldn’t be bisexual if you weren’t in a same-sex relationship and, yeah, where this notion came from to begin with and the more I saw of this “new” school of thought, the more certain… conclusions started to pop into my head. A lot of guys, even now and well after that article came out somehow got it into their heads that romances and relationships were, again, the safer option and, yeah, I’ll say it again: If you think I was kidding or joking when I first said that some guys believed that if they even touched another guy’s dick they were gonna catch an STD or HIV, I wasn’t kidding or joking. Being an exclusive FWB was fine with them and it all had me scratching my head because I still wanted to know where this was coming from because I knew – and it was clear to me that a lot of guys didn’t – that being someone’s FWB in this didn’t make you as safe one might think since, if nothing else, you really didn’t know what the FWB was into and who else was involved in his sex life.

Forum members were losing their shit and touting that your bisexuality might be in question if you and whomever wanted to get into your underwear weren’t into each other and I’m not talking about just being good friends and good enough to allow sex to happen. If one guy had said this, I would have “dismissed” the notion but, wow, a lot of the membership was on board with this and getting me to ask myself, “What the fuck is going on?” I had a very strong suspicion of what I was seeing and hearing but couldn’t quite nail it down.

Now, on the ladies’ side of things, it didn’t surprise me that a lot of women were more romantically and relationally inclined and that being able to have a girlfriend – and in the literal sense – was what the doctor ordered; some seemed to want non-sexual intimacy with another woman and, yup, a lot of women would be very happy to just jump some babe’s bones and if things went beyond just that, that’s great. And, yes, a lot of women admitted to wanting the sex but not so much a relationship but in that way that has always made me believe that women handle bisexuality better than men do. many would say that if a relationship happened, they’d just deal with it and whatever happens, happens.

It took me a while to “confirm” what I was seeing and, perhaps, why a slew of people were saying that romance and relationships were now the determining and validation factor where one’s bisexuality is concerned: The only allowable sex is relationship sex. At first I was thinking, “Nah… that can’t be what I’m seeing!” because, again, I came from a time where, um, not a lot of people abided by this edict and guys were whipping their dicks out for each other and bending over and grabbing their ankles without a single thought about anything more binding. Yeah, we knew about “living in sin” and the sin being fornication way back then but a lot of folks were just fine and dandy with breaking this rule.

I’m reading even more stuff to shore this up in my mind; lots of sources where a lot of what I call psychobabble was being handed out to insist that homoromanticism was way more important than just being homoerotic or, yep, the Hearts Not Parts gang was leading the charge for bisexuals to be more romantically inclined than sexually so. Their “remit” insisted that bisexuals had to be 99% about the person and 1% about what one could do with the parts… and like bisexuals, when looking for sex, never took into consideration the person putting sex on the table and, yes, even in spontaneous, casual situations. They weren’t exactly saying that you had to be in love with someone in order to validate your bisexuality but being more romantically and relationally inclined – and then only having sex once this has been established – was the way bisexuality is supposed to be.

This took me way back to a time where us kids – and including yours truly – were told to never have sex with anyone we didn’t care for or love and that it would be very much in our best interest to not have sex until we were married. It was as if the proverbial light bulb had lit up over my head because now I knew why all of this sounded so familiar to me and more so when not only was I told this, damned near everyone I’ve ever known was told this, too… not that all of us paid any attention to it, mind you.

I’m hearing and reading stuff from guys who were – and still are – adamant that there will be no sex without some form of romance/relationship being in place and any guy who professed to not being into men like that – but very willing to get busy just the same – were greeted with a lot of derision and, yep, being told that if they weren’t willing to take things to this level, their “true bisexuality” was now in question and doubt…

And I was still thinking, “What the fuck is going on with this?” More guys were saying that they were questioning the validity of their bisexuality because, again, they didn’t like guys like that but not denying that they very much liked dick but now they’re on the fence about things and more so since their fellow members were insisting that there was something wrong with them for not being romantically into guys and like they should be. Which led me to often comment on such postings, “Who said you had to be? All you really need to do is like the guy enough to have sex with him…”

I reasoned that this requirement for romance and relationships was very much a part of the morality we tend to operate under or, as I termed it, an attempt to normalize bisexuality and, as such, legitimize it. I’ve written about this a few times and have said that I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not… and I’m still not sure. Yes, it would be absolutely wonderful if we could get our heads out of our collective asses and see that bisexuality is what it is… but with it being “mixed in” with both moral and social standards, well, hmm, does it really work “better” under those standards and does it – will it – allow bisexuals to truly be the way they want to be in this? The thing here is that there are a lot of bisexuals who are already in a relationship and operating fully under the rules of monogamy so establishing another relationship is verboten which just leaves bisexuals who are already in a relationship hanging out to dry… and hanging and drying out more than they already were.

Now, having said all of this, I’m not saying that this… approach is wrong; I just very much question whether it is becoming a hard-set rule and requirement in order to validate, justify, and legitimize one’s bisexuality and bisexuality as a real-deal thing. I think this… approach is being taken because, simply, it’s what we know already and, as such, we don’t have to “learn” anything “new” in order to be bisexual, you know, as long as there’s some being into involved and some kind of relationship is in place. We’ve always been… prudish about casual sex and without sexuality being involved. True enough, there are bisexuals who are very much romantically inclined… and there are bisexuals who are not so much inclined which, if I’m “right” about this, makes those bisexuals the bad guys and gals for not being bi the way they’re supposed to be and very guilty of the sin of fornication.

We’ve also been of a mind to squeeze people into boxes and whether they’re gonna fit or not and making romance a requirement is going to squeeze a lot of people not only into a box they might not wanna be in but into a box that their bisexuality got them out of – aka, the heteronormative agenda, as I like to call it since, um, that’s how everyone is supposed to behave when it comes to love, sex, and relationships… and the insistence that these three things cannot operate independently or just can’t work without all three things being in place. “Hearts Not Parts” isn’t what I’d call “bullshit” but it is idealistic and some pie-in-the-sky stuff to convince people that you have to be this way in order to play with the parts… and just like it’s always said that sex can only happen… and when the truth is that playing with the parts has always been a thing and if more happens from this, well, okay… or not so much and depending on some stuff going on at the individual level.

Is it a requirement… and should it be one in order to be bisexual? I’ll leave that up to y’all to decide because I do happen to know that it works with or without being “attached” in this way and I know that I’m not the only one who happens to know this.


Posted by on 10 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Forum Polls

One of the things I enjoy being on the forum is seeing what other bi guys are thinking and talking about and I find it all quite educational at times and more so when I see them expressing concerns that are, from where I’m sitting, old news.

Some things just do not ever seem to change.

Every so often, someone will either create a new poll or revive one that’s been on the site for a while and when I see them, I often ask myself, “Who thinks of this stuff?” but sometimes, the question being asked is what I’d call valid… but the choices are limited in scope and, more often than not, exclude a lot of possible choices which has the effect of having guys respond to the poll in ways that shines a light on said poll’s limitations.

One of my “favorite” ones is a poll about how one prefers to take another man’s cum. The choices were (a) on your face/facial, (b) in your open mouth, (c) in your closed mouth and (d) down your throat. Now, on the surface, these choices do make sense… but what gets interesting is how some of the membership responded to it. The thing I “like” about forum polls is that you can not only vote for whatever choice that fits you, you get to expound on why you voted the way you did… and I really do get a kick out of the guys who respond to such poll and have never, in this case, had to deal with any sperm other than their own.

A lot of the polls and, yea verily, questions asked on the forum is about preference and if I’ve learned nothing from the forum, it’s how preference tends to not only be very subjective, it makes a lot of guys miss out on a lot of stuff. I remember the poll about BBC – big black cock – and how the membership responded in ways that didn’t even come close to the choices offered by the guy who created the poll and almost everything said about this one was about preference… but when asked why they have the preference they alluded to, well, things got interesting since a lot of them couldn’t really explain (a) why they thought BBC was da shit, (b) why they didn’t even wanna go there with a BBC and (c) why they hadn’t had any dealings with dick… period.

Even when I chat with Cityman, he loves to “poll” me and ask about what I prefer, giving me choices that I wind up telling him that doesn’t fit who I am and how I’m bisexual and what I prefer is to have sex. Period. There’s always the guy to be considered and, believe it or not, there are some things I will never do with anyone, male or female but absent those things – and, for this, the guy meets my approval, what I prefer to do is whatever it’s going to take for both of us to bust a nut or two… or maybe three.

We talked about what to do with the other guy’s cum and, of course, he’d asked me what I prefer to do and for me, it’s a no-brainer more than a preference and I told him that if I’m sucking his dick, I’m doing it so that he cums in my mouth. None of that pulling out and jacking off, none of that giving me a facial, and I’m sure as fuck not gonna be doing what I see a lot of cock suckers do in various clips of kneeling or lying there with my mouth open and with an insipid look on my face while homey is jerking off and trying to shoot his jizz in my mouth and, more than likely, getting it anywhere other than where I’d want it.

When he sends me a boatload of dick pics he’s gotten, which dick do I prefer? Or, which male ass would I prefer to sink my dick into? Do I prefer that really smooth and hairless guy… or the one who looks like he’s wearing a fur coat? The guys on the forum tend to create polls that are similar to this and if they’re not really a request for information, it’s all about preference, well, except for the guys who, again, chime in and they’ve yet to experience another man’s dick but, sure, they’re happy to share their many fantasies.

One of the things I learned along the way is that when you rely more on your preferences, you tend to miss out on some stuff and, as such, wind up putting limits on yourself and then go about doing that and as if whatever it is you prefer isn’t subject to change and for any reason. On the issue of what to do with the cum, okay – I get that some guys are very leery about having it in their mouth and they’d prefer to wear it rather than to taste it. I get that some guys spend an inordinate amount of time watching “gay porn” which is all about the money shot and, I guessed, that if you don’t see the guy spraying sperm all over the place, then the whole thing was faked.

Cityman had asked me if I’ve ever preferred to get a facial and I told him that while I’ve gotten a few and purely by accident, um, if I was sucking his dick and knew he was about to cum and he pulled away to shoot all over my face, he might wake up in intensive care and wondering how he got there. Not only do I find that to be as insulting and demeaning as someone spitting in my face, you just robbed me of one of the pleasures of sucking dick so, fuck no: I would not ever prefer to get a facial and my motto has always been, “In me… never on me.” Accidents I can forgive – they happen – but deliberate acts? Yeah… I’ve never had a sense of humor or understanding about that. I understand that a lot of guys are okay with it and some of them are able to explain, even partially, why they have the preference they do.

I just tend to see how many guys – and because of their preferences – tend to get less dick than they say they want and need and why so many guys have yet to get any dick at all. Now, I have – and like most people – a list of things I will not do; I also have an even longer list of things I’ve tried and didn’t find to my liking all that much… but it’s not like I’d never do an of them again because I understand that just because it didn’t “go well” that time doesn’t mean it will never go well somewhere down the road. I learned by doing, for the most part so I have… precedence for the things I won’t do or the things I’m really not fond of… and it continues to amaze me how guys who have never had a sexual experience with another guy can develop a hard set of preferences… and some of the forum polls, more often than not, tend to point this out and in some rather glaring ways.

Like, one guy said he prefers the “down the throat” method of taking sperm and allowed how he prefers to be gagged and finding it hard to breathe with a huge and thick dick rammed down his throat. Okay… if that’s his idea of a cock sucking good time, have fun with that. The part that tickled me was the poll respondents who preferred this guys method of receiving cum… and have yet to suck a dick.

Sometimes, the “right” question isn’t asked; sometimes, the choices – the preferences – aren’t as expansive as they could be. You’re not really going to “cover it all” and keep a poll short and sweet but, again, one of the things that tickles me about these polls are the guys who respond to let everyone know what they’re not going to do in reference to the question being asked – when that’s not one of the provided choices. I’ve seen that poll creators and some respondents are… short-sighted, for lack of a better word. Like, the poll about what size cock do you prefer; the answers are usually all over the place and with most respondents preferring gigantic dicks but since it’s not usually one of the choices, you rarely see guys who’ll respond and say that they have no size preference which, to me, is a more… reasonable response.

Again, when I get into this with Cityman, I’m not sure he really gets that size has never mattered to me since I know that any dick can be sucked and regardless to size, shape, thickness, with or without foreskin and I know this because that’s how I’ve always sucked dick… and because to have a hard preference means that there are a lot of dicks that aren’t going to get sucked… which defeats the purpose of being a cock sucker.

And, really: If there’s a reason for me to not have your cum in my mouth, chances are very good that I’m not going to be sucking your dick any time soon. I understand that such things are, indeed, more subjective than objective but the way I am about it isn’t about preference but a rather “simple” logic: If I’m sucking your dick to make you cum, I don’t have a problem with having it in my mouth since, um, assumedly, that’s where it’s supposed to go and, really, if you have to jerk yourself off, well, you could have done that all by yourself or I could have done that for you.

The polls tells me a lot about what today’s bi guys have on their mind and how they see their sexuality and, well, it doesn’t worry me as much as it gets me thinking about why they tend to often have a limited view of things. Yeah, I know they’re not me and not all of them have had the experiences I’ve had but there’s a theme of sorts, a pattern of behavior in the whole dynamic that has clearly changed over all this time… and I’m not sure if it’s for the good or not where male bisexuality is concerned. Most polls don’t include an “all of the above” or “none of the above” option for guys to choose from and, of course, they never account for the many exceptions; if one is being offered in an information gathering way, depending on the topic, the results tend to not be broad enough due to the lack of guys who are not of a mind to respond to a given poll. Like the poll I’ve been talking about: It’s been around for a few years now and only 71 guys responded to it… out of a membership that numbers in the thousands.

My “all time favorite” is the poll that gets awakened at times about which does one prefer: Pussy or dick. On the surface, this is an odd question to ask a group of bisexual men but, yep, if you were to see the responses to this particular poll, you’d see some interesting answers… and especially from the guys who, again, haven’t taken the plunge yet. It’s educational… but it does make me scratch my head to see how some guys respond to this poll and as if they’ve somehow forgotten that they’re bisexual.

Another is the poll about who sucks dicks the best – men or women. The camp is, again, divided on this one but of greater interest – again – are the guys who haven’t sucked a dick or been sucked by a guy so when they say that men are better, I wanna know how they know this and seeing it done via porn doesn’t count since that’s not actually and really having the experience. I know that some guys say that men are better because their fantasies are constructed in this way. And, yeah, Cityman has asked me this question a few times and I respond by saying that I’ve had “good” and “bad” blow jobs from both men and women but I’ve learned not to think in those terms; I learned to be very damned grateful that anyone would want to suck my dick to begin with… because they didn’t have to.

The only bad blow job is the one you never get.

The forum polls educate and entertain me… and kinda saddens me to see how limited a view some guys have about being bisexual. I think that it’s often better to ask a direct question than to create a poll that, in and of itself, limits the possible choices that are outside that which one might prefer. “Do you prefer to have sex with a man or a woman?”

I’ve yet to see a choice that says, “I prefer to have sex” and I’m thinking there’s a reason for that and one that I’ve not seen yet. The thing I keep asking Cityman is why does this preference exist in the first place when, let’s say, logically, it’s best to prefer to have sex rather than to not have it at all. The various polls tend to lend themselves to conditional and situational things and in that “this or that” way that tends to make me cray-cray because a lot of bisexuals tend to think in absolutes… and about something that, by its very nature, obliterates the absolutes that almost everyone else believes in. The biggest takeaway I get from these polls is that only the people have changed when it comes to bisexuality… but not the limited and restrictive way it’s thought in or done. I tend to laugh at those who pitch a bitch about sexuality being binary in nature and insist that it can’t and shouldn’t be… when the way we think is very binary and that includes what we think about sexuality and that you’re either straight or gay way that bisexuality disproves.

Top or bottom. Swallow it or wear it. Men or women in a given sexual act. What is preferred versus what isn’t preferred and having preferences without any actual experience short of watching porn.

Educational and entertaining… and it makes me wonder about some stuff, too. I’m an OG bisexual from way back in the day and it always boiled down to one being this way… or they weren’t. If you sucked dick but, um, hadn’t acquired the taste, it was okay to spit it out or just let it dribble out; getting shot in the face with it was never an option or something anyone liked and, nope, getting face-fucked until you tossed your cookies wasn’t anyone idea of fun. I’m not closed-minded about any of this stuff… I just tend to wonder why so many male bisexuals are and the polls tend to reflect this.

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Posted by on 7 June 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Commitment Issues

Along with being promiscuous, this is another thing that gets dropped onto bisexuals and, I think, for a few reasons. The first is that our more, ah, personal interactions with others are supposed to be conducted one-on-one; you’re only supposed to “want” one person at a time, have sex with only one person, so on and so forth and, “importantly,” any thoughts you have should be about that one person. Bisexuality, well, bisexuality puts a major kink in this school of thought and things get a bit distorted because while bisexuals do, can, and are able to focus their attention on one person, it’s presumed that because we’re into both men and women (in some way), it’s all men and women and, as such, being able to commit to just one person – or to commit to just being on one side or the other – is deemed to be a major problem.

The other is definitely related to relationships. They say that bisexuals can’t commit to being monogamous and are serial cheaters because of our dual nature and it’s easier to lay this on bisexuals than it is to accept that there are a lot of people – and regardless to sexuality – who just can’t be monogamous. The additional thing about this aspect is that I’ve personally heard it from more gay folks than straight folks; oh, yeah, they’ll say this, too, but like a lot of the stuff said against bisexuals, they’re just parroting what others are saying. Things get even more distorted because a whole lot of people still look at bisexuals as being homosexual and that we exhibit all of the behaviors and mannerisms that homosexuals are known for.

In yet another of those “I don’t know how many times” things, yep – I’ve been bitched out by many a homosexual about my “inability” to commit to them and like I’m supposed to. I’ve been told way too many times to leave women alone and to stop being in denial and commit to be the gay person I really am… and as if I have no idea about myself. One guy was reading me the riot act about this and asking why I refused to commit to him and him alone and I don’t think I made him feel better when I told him, “Because I don’t want to; I don’t want or need a boyfriend. I find it funny that we’re talking about this when you knew that I’m already in a relationship with a woman. None of this seemed to bother you or stop you from agreeing that we should have sex but now here we go: We got busy and now you wanna give me some shit about it?”

Our morality is all about monogamy (amongst other things). Pick one person and be only with them. The infamous pick a side and stay on it crap. The root cause of people thinking that bisexuality is about men or women and, yeah, since here in 2021 a lot of people still think that people are either straight or gay, one has to commit to being one or the other. What gets lost in all of this is that people can have commitment issues and sexuality isn’t even a factor in this. It’s just easier to lay this on bisexuals. Because in our “iron clad belief” in monogamy, when one discovers their bisexuality, it does throw them for a loop to have similar thoughts in the same sex mode of things as they do the opposite sex mode and more so when the dual nature of their thoughts and feelings just trashes the tenets of monogamy and its associated behaviors.

The inability to commit is tied tightly to infidelity and it’s assumed that if you’re bisexual, you’re going to cheat on whoever you happen to be in a relationship with. The odd thing about this is that there is some truth to this but it’s not due to an inability for someone to commit to one person only. Monogamy is pretty rigid and to the point where you could be accused of infidelity just thinking about someone other than the person you’re with. The problem here isn’t with bisexuals (or anyone else, actually) per se: It’s the system that causes the problem or, like I said to a woman one time, “If I want some dick, um, you don’t have one.” Monogamy, in its single-minded approach to things, insists that you’re not supposed to want anything or anyone other than the person you’re with and if you do, you can’t have it and you’d better not even think about getting it. That puts a lot of people – and, again, regardless to sexuality – in a one hell of a bind and being in this bind can allow infidelity – and even thoughts of it – to enter the equation and, of course, if you think it, you’re going to do it and all bisexuals are instantly guilty of this failure to commit.

And it was never the whole truth. We can be bisexual and monogamous and infidelity never shows its face and contrary to popular belief, a lot of bisexuals are like this… but just like everything else we get bitched out about, it’s just easier and convenient to say that if one bisexual can’t commit and remain faithful, then none of them can. Again, this… conundrum gives new bisexuals fits – and gives other sexuals fits – because even homosexuals play by a lot of the same rules as heterosexuals do. Pick one person and stay with that one person. Do not ever step outside of your relationship. Only have feelings and sex with that one person and do not ever commit “mental infidelity.”

All of this and a lot more lends itself to the bullshit about bisexuals not being able to commit or stay committed to just one person. Even single bisexuals get hit with this failure to commit and probably more so because the only approved sex is relationship sex and there’s always been this thing going on with us that if we have sex with someone – and it’s deemed to be to our liking – then a commitment must be put in place in order to “legitimize” having more sex… and because a lot of people – and, again, regardless to sexuality – have commitment issues they’ve developed, eh, being “tied down” when there are things going on with them that’s saying that this wouldn’t be the right thing for them to do.

It all just gets so fucked up because, as I’ve written so many times, bisexuality takes everything we think we know about love, sex, and relationships and just throws it all away; it almost immediately reveals the flaws in monogamy and can make “Shirley” start feeling some kind of way when she looks at “Jennifer” and, oh, yeah, she wants to get Jen naked and get all personal with her… but Shirley is seeing “Danny” and, as such, the rules say that she must commit and stay committed to him and just her thinking about how nice it would be to get in Jen’s panties automatically puts her in the wrong. Even better (not really) is even if Shirley was single and wanted to get with Jen, she is expected and required to commit herself to Jen mind, body, and soul… and even if, by chance, Jen is quite okay with no “serious” commitment to each other in place… or she might wind up getting bent out of shape because she wants that commitment and Shirley, well, she’s not of a mind to take things to that level and for whatever reasons she has for this.

And then there’s this: Being committed to yourself. Monogamy implies that once you commit yourself to someone – and you must commit yourself to them – sacrificing a lot of who and what you are is expected and required and, yep, a whole lot of bisexuals do just that even when, in a lot of times, it does a number on them – and enter the “all bisexuals suffer from mental illnesses” thing. What a lot of bisexuals are discovering is that they can be committed singularly or, yep, dually. Now we get into the Friends With Benefits thing that, in the here and now, is more about exclusivity than the convenience it started out being… and then for single people who didn’t want to be bothered with the toils and troubles of being in a relationship… and that’s, at the least, “technically” a commitment issue kind of thing.

I know of a lot of bisexuals who are, indeed, committed to the person they’re with but even in stepping outside the lines a bit, will want to be committed to that one FWB and exclusively so. I’ve been reading a lot of stuff being written by legit experts that says that being monogamous is unnatural behavior for us and I find it quite interesting because, for one, I figured that one out a very long time ago and that this didn’t come to the front of the line until the whole world started having a hissy fit about the damned bisexuals they say they didn’t know about before now. All of this commitment issue crap lends itself to the continued and misguided believe that bisexuality isn’t real because, again, bisexuality totally disabuses the monogamous morality that’s always been prevalent.

And, yep, all it took was for a bisexual person way back in the day to get “caught” defying the rules of monogamy to get themselves – and every bisexual who came after them – tagged as not being able to commit to anyone and as serial cheaters… even though that failure to commit – and resulting and potential infidelity – has never been solely in the purview of bisexuality… or any sexuality, for that matter.

How many times have I heard someone say that they’re not supposed to have the feelings that they’re having? Way too many times. How many times have I heard, seen, and known people who instantly assume that they’re totally and completely all kinds of fucked up to find themselves being aroused in a same-sex way and, oh, my, having all kinds of thoughts about it? How many times have I heard, seen, or have known about people being totally and completely confused over all of this and saying that they don’t know what to do about it? This one gets… interesting because, um, most of the time, they do know what to do about it… but monogamy’s rules don’t allow for it. Some get really freaked out and wind up “reconfirming” to themselves that if they’re in a relationship, they are supposed to stay fully committed to that person and they sure as hell ain’t gonna cheat on them.

And they remain committed and faithful no matter what, well, until their partner finds out about their change of sexuality focus and the relationship gets flushed down the toilet for rules violations and assumed infidelity and, yup, getting read the riot act for not being able to be committed to them even if the bisexual in question does everything they can do and say to assure them that they’re not only committed but they have no plans to not be so committed and faithful. Single bisexuals, well, they’re just promiscuous sluts, whores, dogs, etc., who are terrified of being committed to one person, let alone being totally committed to being and staying on one side or the other… because no one in their right mind should or would ever want to be in the middle of things.

And lost in all of this is, again, the necessity for someone to be committed to who they are as a person. What gets overlooked and summarily ignored is that one can be 100% bisexual and still be committed and faithful to one person and, indeed, one side of things. They understand, and even when most people can’t or don’t, that thinking and doing aren’t the same things. There’s the whole issue of honor; they made a commitment and/or vow to be with whoever they’re with and forsaking all others… and that includes those in a relationship who aren’t bound together by legalities and the moral vows of keeping only unto themselves.

The problem isn’t bisexuality… or any other sexuality: The problem is the prevailing system of belief that being monogamous and faithfully committed is the only way to be… even though we know that it isn’t. We have known – and even if we’ve never invoked it – that’s it better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, not that forgiveness is going to be given any more than permission is likely to be. Not that it can’t be given – it’s not supposed to be. Ever. We are seeing permission being given and, more often, in a polyamorous way, both of which just goes right around the tenets of being monogamous but retaining the original commitment to each other and while allowing that commitment to be extended.

And, oh, yeah, not everyone who has figured this out is bisexual; it’s still just way too easy and convenient to put all this shame, blame, and other shit on the shoulders of bisexuals… who allegedly don’t exist. I know people who have “routinely” cheated on a partner but have given me a raft of shit for being bisexual and, yep, told that I’m not only greedy but I can’t commit to anyone or anything because I’m just a selfish son-of-a-bitch and wholly immoral…

And I’d like it a lot if you were to think about that one for a moment or two. If you’re thinking this is like the pot calling the kettle black, well, you know like I do… because it is. And the truth is, as I’ve seen it, the system we all believe in is directly responsible for all of the mental irregularity being displayed where bisexuals are concerned. The really funny thing is that if two straight or two gay people can cheat on each other, well, that’s fucked up even if they have reason… even though such things are supposed to have no reason… but bisexuals are the worst people ever. Point out the similarities – and their are many – to them and I’ve heard them say, “It’s not the same thing!”

Of course it isn’t.

When one is bisexual, your whole view of things gets shaken up because none of what you’re thinking and feeling conforms to known standards – being straight or gay or even monogamous. People have commitment issues and bisexual stigma gives people commitment issues and mostly being and staying committed to the one person they’ve committed themselves to. If you’re bisexual, it’s not a given that you’re going to cheat; it’s not a given that if you’re single, you won’t run into that one person who sweeps you off your feet and commit yourself to them and them alone.

Just way too easy to take all of this “bad shit” about the reality of human nature and drop it right into the laps of the bisexuals who, again, don’t really exist in the first place. I think the next scribble will be about one more things bisexuals are getting their asses kicked over:

Being confused. Stay tuned.

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Posted by on 30 May 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Promiscuity

Yep, something else bisexuals get accused of. The first time I came across the word “promiscuous,” I was intrigued by its spelling; I remember trying to pronounce it which led me to finding out what the word meant and its usage matched the behavior I was reading about in a book I probably shouldn’t have been reading to begin with but, hey, when your dad leaves them where he thinks they’ll never be found, well, never underestimate a kid’s ability to find stuff like that.

One of the “early warnings” I – and other guys – got was to watch out for those girls who were, colloquially, “hot in the ass;” they were trouble waiting to happen because they’d go out of their way to get you to have sex with them. Well, the old heads were right about that and much to my delight. You almost didn’t mind that those hot in the ass girls would have sex with just about anyone… as long as you were one of the people getting in her panties.

Later, in doing as much reading as I could do to find out about this bisexual thing I’d been so into, I also learned how promiscuity was seen as bad behavior which jived with all that I’d been reading about the “evils” of having sex just to be having it and the implied position that sex was for reproduction only. In those ancient times, anyone who was known or suspected of having sex just because they wanted to was treated badly; it was very bad form to want and get more sex than one was supposed to have and, of course, any sex outside of marriage was – and still is – very much frowned upon but that, too, tied in to my discovery of the word “fornication” and a word learned when reading the bible.

Apparently, wanting to have a lot of sex and actually having a lot of sex was a distasteful thing but, in the early going, the label was still being hung on women; no one in those times seemed to think that it was inappropriate for men to be promiscuous and be running around screwing any woman who’d let them. It was said that such men just had “huge appetites” for sex and, well, nothing to see here. As I’d read this and that, I was seeing that people “back then” had some weird and silly notions about sex which explained more about why the adults of my generation were also just as weird about it. While homophobia was running rampant – but just before it started to get… fatal for some – I was starting to see the word promiscuous being slapped on those effeminate gay men flitting and flirting about which, of course, led to more warning to stay away from those “freaks of nature” lest you be lured into having sex with them.

And like that was a bad thing. Well, okay – yeah, it was a bad thing but my mind was capable of putting the pieces together even at a basic kind of level: There were those who obeyed the old edicts of no sex at all until marriage and there were those who weren’t of a mind to wait for that in order to have sex and would go “out of their way” to entice anyone they could into having sex with them… and sometimes, that included boys enticing other boys. While there were a lot of girls who would let any- and everyone know that they were saving themselves for marriage, yeah, there were boys and girls who found that having sex was just a fun and good thing to do but, at the same time, keeping their desire for sex “hidden” was a good thing because anyone who was determined to be hot in the ass – and now I was seeing that it was applying to us guys as well – well, nothing nice was being said about that.

Homosexuals were being openly accused of being promiscuous and from my perspective, it didn’t take very long for me to see this word being stapled onto bisexuals… by it being said that bisexuals were greedy. It remain a “matter of fact” that anyone who wanted more sex than they were supposed or allowed to have meant they were greedy but it was seen as being much worse when someone was having sex with both males and females… and being all promiscuous at every turn. Even I remember being told on numerous occasions that I’d better keep it in my pants, not that I was doing that given I found out how delightful it was to not keep it in my pants or to keep my legs closed (and as girls were being warned to do).

At one point, I was getting… confused. I’d learned that wanting to have sex was actually normal and natural and I already knew that people were having sex without even bothering to get married first and if they weren’t doing it, they sure as hell was talking about wanting to do it and, I’d say, often “putting it on display” that if you wanted to have sex, they’d not mind a whole lot. Once I learned the word and what it meant, it was easy to see that a lot of people were, in fact, promiscuous; it was just a thing that some were more “out there” with it than others which had me wondering – again – how something that was said to be bad was also something that was good but my investigations into the word told me why it was bad.

So by the time I started hearing that those who went both ways were just some seriously greedy motherfuckers and bitches, well, I had a pretty good understanding why people were saying this and more so when we were told to find that one person, fall madly in love with them, marry them and only then have sex with them… except, um, there were many people who wanted to have sex without all of that other stuff and, like me, wasn’t all that picky whether the person wanting to have sex was male or female. I was hearing, “Sex is for the needy, not for the greedy!” a lot even though it wasn’t being specifically applied to bisexuals; it applied to anyone who’d let it be known that, you know, if you wanna do it, they’re not going to say no.

But, yeah, eventually it got stuck to bisexuals and people were incensed that there were some freaks who weren’t satisfied with just having sex with a guy or a gal; no, those promiscuous heathen were having sex with guys and gals. I remember the day someone told me that they didn’t like the idea of my being so promiscuous and greedy and, yep, I got offended but didn’t deny that, yeah, I like having sex – so what? If that made me greedy because I’d do it with anyone who also wanted to, well, I guess I’m just greedy… and you’re just mad because you ain’t getting any.

I was learning some science about this, too, and how our bodies produce and release scents that parts of your brain can “smell” more than your nose could called pheromones and their job is to make you sexually attractive. I was learning about how our body language lends itself to letting it be known that if you wanna do it, I do, too. I was learning that a lot of people would show the signs that they wanted to have sex… but the admonishments about being promiscuous would, more often than not, make them not want to do what their bodies wanted them to do. I was hearing about girls – specifically – who’d have a guy’s “nose wide open” and, yeah, I wondered what the fuck that meant until I found out how our bodies respond to pheromones and catching an enticing whiff does, in fact, make our nostrils flare open to take in more of that alluring, enticing scent and a scent most people didn’t even know they were putting out there.

I was learning how prudish we tend to be about sex. The various rules were actually quite clear and concise and contained a dearth of warnings, threats, and horror stories about not only having sex just because you could but being so freaky that you’d have sex with someone who was the same sex you were. The horror of it all! I was learning – and as I was having sex at every turn – that the rules that had been in place since forever were actually “designed” to keep us from having sex and just because we could. I knew both men and women who believed with all their heart and soul that sex was for reproduction only and one of their purposes in life was to resist the temptation to have sex with someone just because they needed to and, of course, the problem they faced were those who were being considered as promiscuous and greedy because they wanted sex from them and without reproduction having anything to do with it.

I’d overheard an argument a guy was having with his wife or girlfriend; she was trying to get him to give up the dick and he wasn’t having any of it and called her a promiscuous bitch before leaving the poor woman standing there in tears. Others who had heard this exchange actually sided with the guy and maintained that since they weren’t planning on having babies, there was no need for him to have sex with her and because she wanted to, well, she was some kind of greedy slut and the bad part, to me, was that the poor girl heard all of this. I guess since I wasn’t one of the people bad mouthing her – and I was closest to her – she had asked me, “What’s wrong with just having sex?”

“Nothing that I know about,” I said after getting over my surprised at being asked this. “People are just weird about it and, well, it’s a long story and one you probably don’t wanna hear, all things considered.”

Well, um, she did want to hear it… after we had sex. She, too, had been hit with the “hot in the ass” tag and called greedy a lot because she was all for just having sex with or without strings being attached… and she also confessed to having a couple of “girlfriends” she’d often have sex with and, as she said, because she couldn’t count on some men giving her what she needed.

“Does that make me greedy?” she had asked.

“I don’t think it does and because, um, I’ve been called greedy like that, too,” I said, offering a confession of my own. When she asked if there was anything she could do about it, the only thing I could tell her was, “Maybe surround yourself with people who see sex the same way you do and if others want to call you promiscuous and greedy, try not to let it bother you.”

“Does it bother you?” she asked.

“Nah, not really,” I said. “I happen to like being greedy and I think it’s funny that there are people who actually believe there’s such a thing as too much sex.”

Suppressing our natural promiscuity is a part of the social conditioning/programming we receive as we grow up. When to do it; when not to; what conditions must be in effect before doing it. Until then, keep it in your pants and, girl, keep your legs closed at all times and at all costs. Even if you want to have sex 24/7, do not do or say anything to let that be known, you greedy freak. The thing that, these days, gets me scratching my head is all the bisexuals I’ve “heard” deny that they’re promiscuous and more so given how we’ve been vilifying anyone who has a great love of having sex to begin with.

Was talking to one guy and he’d figured out that I was one of those greedy motherfuckers and actually said it to me… and my response was, “Yep, I sure am and, nope, not ashamed of it one bit.” He insisted that I should be but when I asked him why, I wasn’t surprised that he had no answer. He, like a great many other people, were putting down us greedy-assed bisexual freaks because it’s just another part of hating on anyone who’s having sex and even a lot of it and just because they like, love, need, and want to have sex. Not indiscriminately as it’s also said about us; we really don’t go around trying to have sex with just every- and anyone… but those folks who do wanna have sex? Okay, let’s talk and see what we can do!

For those who might not be all that familiar with the word, here’s a link to the definition: promiscuous – Bing and take note of the first two provided meanings and you might be able to better see and understand why this particular label gets hung on people and especially bisexuals. It stands out a lot more these days when a lot of bisexuals are quite against casual sex and in their bisexuality stick to the “relationship-only” aspects mandated by our morality and, keep in mind that our morality was designed to suppress our natural desires to have sex casually or otherwise and in one way only and the way that best lends itself to procreation.

“I don’t know why you’d just have sex just to be doing it,” someone asked me.

“Um, because I can?” I replied. “Because I want and need to?”

My answer made them very uncomfortable and I was doing all I could not to smile or laugh at their naivety. This particular person also believed that masturbation was a sin, too… and they felt some kind of way when I pointed out to them that it actually isn’t a sin and that people interpreted that part of the bible incorrectly. They hemmed and hawed and tripped all over themselves for a few before saying that being promiscuous was wrong, implied that it, too, was a sin and, sorry, got laughed at for their cluelessness. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t laugh at what people believe but I don’t deny that I often find it funny to see so many people believing some stuff about sex that just isn’t true and then being able to point out to them why they believe it.

I think that had I not learned that word when I did, I would have eventually gotten around to finding out that it existed, what it meant, and how it impacts people when it comes to sex and, yes, sexuality. I like the word and how it rolls off the tongue when you say it and I guess I’m weird because I like writing it, too. I also know why this word is so scary to some folks and how it’s used as a stick to beat bisexuals over the head with because we’re not supposed to be greedy… and sure as fuck not supposed to be so greedy that we’d have sex with men and women and, supposedly, indiscriminately so as well as – gasp – casually.

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Posted by on 29 May 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Getting Up the Nerve

A re-tweeted tweet caught my eye on Twitter and the accompanying caption said something about a bro finally getting up the nerve to try it and, um, the following clip displayed what the bro got up the nerve to do. One of the things I’ve always said about taking the plunge for the first time is that it very much does take some seriously manly courage to have sex with another man.

It’s because of the ages-old stigma and prohibitions but a lot of it is also kinda/sorta not really knowing what to do with the naked guy who’s waiting for you to do… something. We masturbate; we get our dicks sucked by women (if we’re that fortunate); we screw women in one or both of their available places (and if they’re down for that second place) and, of course, we will chow down on the coochie a little or a hell of a whole lot, you know, depending on some stuff.

A guy who had tried and failed a few times to suck a dick had asked me how can he get past that “something” in his head that’s telling him not to do it… and it’s not an easy question to answer. I know the feeling all too well and I’ve always found it… strange to get that “You’d better not!” feeling when everything else is saying, “What are you waiting for?” It’s one hell of a disconnect because even if you’ve seen some same-sex action, uh, involving other participants, that doesn’t always make it easy for you to dive right on in. After a lot of research, I did find that the social conditioning we get that includes not having sex like this is at the source of not being able to get up the nerve to do something you know you want to do.

To the guy who asked the question, I had asked him, “Do you remember the first time you ate pussy?”

He said that he did and I asked him, “Do you remember feeling a sense of revulsion and like something was telling you not to put your mouth on her?”

He laughed nervously and said that he did remember that moment, leading me to ask, “But that didn’t stop you from going down on her, did it? And once you got started, it was all good after that, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said.

“Well, this isn’t all that different,” I said. “If you were able to “convince” that voice in you head that you needed to eat that pussy – and despite a moment or two of some… discomfort – then whatever reasoning you used to be able to eat pussy for the first time kinda works for sucking a dick for the first time… kinda.”

“I don’t know why it’s so damned hard!” he exclaimed.

“Because it’s a new and different experience. You might have seen two guys at it and that’s one thing… but you doing it? All kinds of shit starts running around in your head and if you’re paying attention to it telling you not to do it, you’re not going to be able to do it unless you do what a lot of guys wind up doing.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Saying, “Fuck it…” to themselves – and sometimes out loud – and just doing it,” I said. “There’s always going to be that first “oh shit” moment but just like when you got past that moment to eat a pussy, you’ll get past it with a dick in your mouth. You just gotta get to that “fuck it” moment in your head and that usually means trying to do your best to stop thinking. The bad part is that’s not easy to do, either.”

“Is that what you had to do?” he asked.

“Oh, hell, no – I took to sucking dick like a duck to water,” I said with a laugh. “But the more I did it, the more I’d hear that “voice” in my head saying shit like, “You know you’re not supposed to be doing this!” and other such things that, over time, I just learned how to ignore.”

“Sometimes I’ve seen it “help” guys to just close their eyes,” I said. “With some guys, they’ll have their eyes fixed on the other guy’s dick whether it’s hard or not and everything inside them is screaming at them to not do anything – it’s like the deer in the headlights thing that’s so unsettling that, well, they just can’t do it. So, sometimes, closing their eyes can help.”

“What are the other things that can help?” he asked.

“Well, sometimes it helps to just play with his dick,” I said. “Touch and feel it, stroke it, fondle his nuts and, well, just get used to that; from there, you can give the head of his dick a kiss or a lick and get a taste of him but in any of this, if you’re paying more attention to what’s going on inside your head than what you’re trying to do, you might not be able to do any of that.”

“You know a lot about this, don’t you?” he asked.

“I should; I’ve had a lot of guys be right where you are and I’ve had to talk to them a lot – and whether they could go ahead and do it or, like you, find that it’s just “too weird” for them to do it,” I said with a sigh. “There’s a war going on inside of you; one part of you knows for a fact that you want to do this and another part is telling you that you’d better not do it… and now it’s all about what part of you wins the war, in that sense.”

“It’s hard to get it out of my head that I’m not supposed to want to suck a dick, let alone really do it,” he said. His frustration was both clear and familiar since, again, I’d seen it so many times before.

“Yeah, there’s always that,” I said. “I used to wonder why some guys would be right there, their mouth so close to my dick that I could feel the heat of their breath on me and I’d hear them say, “Fuck it” and, well, they go ahead and do it or just say that they can’t. After talking to a lot of guys, I “figured out” that there’s so much shit going on inside their head that it all starts to run together until all they “hear” is a bunch of “noise” in their head and there’s only one of two ways to make it go away: Just put your mouth around the dick or don’t do it at all.”

“Some guys have told me that they get this thought in their head that says they’ve gotten this far and since they’re already there, just going ahead and doing it makes sense… even though that thought kinda doesn’t make sense,” I said. “In most cases, the guy just stops thinking about it… and just does it; the guys who still can’t go through it can’t seem to stop thinking about why they shouldn’t do it and that could be anything including that shit about men not doing any of this at all.”

“Like what?” he asked.

“Like someone finding out that they sucked a dick,” I said. “I’ve learned that’s the biggest thing a lot of guys are thinking about. They can also be thinking about whether they’re gonna like it or hate it; sometimes, they’re thinking about whether or not I’m going to like it or not and whether or not they’re “good at it.””

“I think that’s what I’m thinking,” he said. “All of what you said.”

“It’s pretty typical,” I said. “Here’s the thing that, at first, doesn’t click in a guy’s head: You’re never going to know if you like it or not or if you’re going to be good at it or not… until you can get past that last step and actually do it. Then it doesn’t help matters any if the other guy is putting any kind of pressure on you to get busy sucking his dick; hearing him say some shit like, “What are you waiting for?” just doesn’t help one bit.

“It’s crazy how much you know about this,” he said.

“I’ve always been a curious kind of guy,” I said with a small laugh. “I’ve been with a lot of guys who wanted to and just couldn’t; I know even more guys like you who have been right there with a guy and… nothing happens – and I wanted to know why. I just don’t have a problem asking such questions so, yeah, I’ve heard a lot of reasons why a guy can’t get past this moment even though he really wants and needs to get past it.”

“So how do you get a guy to do it?” he asked.

“By doing what we’re doing right now – talking to him,” I said. “I let him know that, first, it’s okay to be afraid to do it and it’s normal to be afraid. Then I tell them that if they find that they can’t do it, they just can’t – and there’s no need to be ashamed or feeling bad about it. I tell them that if they go for it but find themselves distressed, they can always stop and I’m not going to think badly about them if they do and that I know that this ain’t easy and they’re not the first guy I’ve ever met who wanted to do this but wasn’t able to.”

“Wait… you don’t get pissed off if a guy can’t do it?” he asked.

“No – why would I?” I asked. “The thing here that I’ve learned to understand that none of this really has anything to do with me or what I want. This is about you – to use you as an example. If I’m giving you grief about stalling or whatever, that’s not helping you get any closer to doing it, is it? Would I like it if you were to suck my dick? Of course I would but, again, this ain’t about me or what I want or anything like that. So getting pissed or whatever because you just can’t do it makes no sense to me. If you can’t, you just can’t.”

“The last guy I tried to do this with got so mad it wasn’t funny,” he said, frowning at the memory of it.

“Yeah, sadly, some guys are like that, sorry to say,” I said. “I just learned not to be one of those guys.”

“He didn’t even want to hear why I couldn’t,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yep – some guys are like that, too,” I said. “Me? I’ll ask a guy what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling because that’s some important shit for him to speak to and sometimes it helps them and sometimes it doesn’t. Just the way it can be. Now, sometimes and with some guys, it makes things easy for them if I sucked them first.”

“How does that work?” he asked.

“It tends to get their mind off of them trying to do it themselves,” I said. “Not that it ain’t weird to see and feel a guy sucking your dick and the “secret” to getting past that is… don’t watch me doing it.”

“But they look anyway, don’t they?” he said with a laugh.

“Eventually, yeah, but by that time, they’ve very much into it and, I dunno, something inside of them kinda lets them know that if they were to try to suck my dick now, they could do it… and they usually do,” I said. “If not, well, they just got a good blow job if nothing else, right? I’ve had some guys come back and say that after that first experience, they’re not so afraid to try sucking a dick.”

“I still can’t get over how much you know about this shit!” he said.

“I know it because I make it my business to know,” I said. “For a lot of guys – and for a lot of reasons – getting into sucking dick is a pretty powerful urge some guys can get. I know that it’s not as easy as it looks or as it might seem to be; there’s a lot of shame and guilt associated with this and it’s not easy to get some guys to understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed or guilty about; a lot of guys suck dick and that we do this to each other ain’t all that new of a thing… but it’s very new if you’ve never done it and it’s such a strange thing for your mind to deal with that either a guy is gonna just go for it… or he’s not going to be able to. I understand this.”

“So how many guys have you been with who just couldn’t do it?” he asked – and a question I knew he was going to get around to asking at some point.

“So far? Ten guys that I can think of to date,” I said.

“That’s a lot,” he said.

“Not when you compare that to how many guys who were able to be comfortable with it and did it,” I said. “And, no, don’t ask me how many because I lost count a long time ago.”

“Damn…,” he said. “So, okay, if I wanted to suck your dick – but I couldn’t bring myself to do it – that’s not a problem for you?”

“Why would it be?” I asked – again. “I’ll put it this way: If you wanted me to suck your dick, unless you stopped me, it’s going to get sucked. I don’t really think about it; I heard that “voice” in my head telling me I’m going to go to hell or some dumb shit like that and I just don’t pay any attention to it because what I do know is that I wanna suck dick and it’s gonna make me feel good to do it. Hmm… is this your way of asking me if I’d suck your dick?”

“Kind of,” he said.

“All you gotta do is ask,” I said.

“But I’ve never had a guy suck me,” he said.

“I know… and it’ll be okay and even if I get started and you ask me to stop,” I said.

Um… he not only didn’t ask me to stop but he did get to suck a dick for the first time. The key for him to getting up the nerve was to be told that if you can do it, fine – but if you can’t, you just can’t and there’s no shame involved either way. After a second round of cock sucking, we sat and talked about it and I wasn’t surprised to hear him say that it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be – and I’d told him that a lot of guys tend to say that because, the truth of it is that it isn’t as bad as it’s said to be.

It takes some… effort to have sex with another guy; you really do gotta get up the nerve to get up the nerve to do it. The part that kinda got me laughing was when the guy said, “You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?”

“No, not really,” I said – and I meant it. “Us doing it wasn’t even on my mind – but trying to help you get past this was. Now, if our talk made you more comfortable, then that’s a good thing. After a while, though, the thought did occur to me that if anyone could get you past that moment, I could… but if anything happened or not, well, it didn’t really matter to me because like I said, this is about you. You decided that me sucking your dick would be all that bad and, I guess, in a way, I showed you that if nothing else, I don’t see it as a bad thing. If that led to you being able to suck me, then it’s all good… but it was never my intention for us to do it.”

“You’re serious, ain’t you?” he asked.

“I’m always serious about this because I also know it can be the most wonderful thing that can be experienced… or someone’s worst nightmare,” I said. “I’ve seen this go very wrong way too many times not to be serious about it. That’s why whenever I talk to a guy about this, it’s never about me or what I might want to happen. You have to be comfortable with yourself about; you have to be able to set aside any fears you have and, again, you have to know that it’s okay to be afraid. You have to know that if none of what we did happened, the only person who might have been disappointed would be… you.”

“You’re right,” he said. “I’ve tried to do this like six or seven times and every time I’ve walked away kicking my own ass because I couldn’t.”

“It happens… and maybe you just needed to talk to someone who knows what this is like so you could finally get past that point,” I said.

“Yeah… where the hell were you when I was trying to do this before?” he asked with a laugh.

“Probably sucking some guy’s dick,” I said with a laugh of my own.

Getting up the nerve, again, ain’t as easy as it seems… and for anyone who wants and needs to do this. We’re not supposed to have sex like this and despite the very obvious fact that we can just the same… if we can get past our fears and understanding that a lot of those fears are ones that have been put into your head by other sources. It is said that if it’s something you really want to do, you will find a way to do it and, yeah, sometimes, you might need someone to sit you down and tell you some real-deal, real-life shit about this. If you can, then you can… and if you can’t, you just can’t. No shame in this one way or the other. The moment you start second-guessing yourself, the greater the chance that you’re going to talk yourself out of it. The moment you start worrying about what others are gonna say if they find out you did this, you’ve pretty much shot yourself in the foot and, really, you gotta ask yourself how they’d find out if you didn’t say anything about it. But I even understand that! Once you take the plunge, it just feels like everyone who sees you just knows what you did and, nope, the only person other than yourself who knows what you did was the person you did it with.

Which is why “I won’t tell if you won’t” has been a time-honored rule of things. You can “rat” on yourself because successfully taking the plunge can be so exciting that, at best, someone paying attention to you might sense that you just got finished doing something but unless you told them who you were doing it with, well, that’s all they know unless, of course, they start getting all up in your business – but that’s something else that might have to be dealt with and still a part of why getting up the nerve is so hard to do.

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Posted by on 27 May 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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