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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Stir Crazy and Cabin Fever

Back when sheltering in place was beginning to be a thing, someone on Facebook posted something all the children who’ll be born around December. Funny in a way but probably a stone-cold fact.

The fellas on the forum – and the active ones with or without a FWB – are probably losing their minds right about now if the level of activity on the forum is any indication. A little while ago I wrote something about wondering how many people were going to discover bisexuality and, in particular, those folks who are sharing a home or otherwise find themselves without their “usual” outlet for sex.

It makes me wonder how many folks who aren’t fans of masturbation are trying to have fun with it. There are a lot of guys on the forum who say they’re in sexless relationships and, for the most part, is one reason why they’re bisexual and I wondered how it’s making them feel knowing that despite the insanity going on with the pandemic, their need for sex and intimacy is still very much alive and well… and they’re now cut-off… and sheltering in place with someone who isn’t of a mind to have sex with them.

Since a lot of these guys are on the DL with their M2M activities – and combined with whatever shelter in place restrictions are in effect where they live, it might be driving them “crazy” not to be able to get out of the house and feed their need for cock since, in some places, if you don’t have a legitimate reason for being outside, you could be arrested, fined, or both.

I’m sure police officers are not gonna accept, “I was horny and I needed some dick…” as a legitimate excuse for being out and roaming around, even with masks and gloves. It’s had me wondering if those poor souls trapped in a sexless relationship are having… state of emergency sex, for lack of a better way to put it. I’m also thinking, eh, probably not and now anyone in this situation is finding themselves even more between a rock and a hard place than they were before all of this happened.

A question on the forum was posted asking about how this coronavirus situation is affecting one’s ability to get some dick and, at a high level, the general consensus is that, duh, it’s having a very major impact but not a lot of guys are taking the risk and getting their freak on anyway. Cityman tells me that where he lives, the number of guys checking him out has tripled and he’s a bit amazed at the number of guys there are who are literally within walking distance of his home.

Guys are begging and pleading for some dick and ass – and, perhaps, in lieu of pussy – but I’m guessing that few are of a mind to risk catching the virus or being arrested/fined to get some. “Historically,” women have fared better with celibacy than men, not to say that there aren’t women who are feeling the pressure to be intimate and get laid… and more so if, um, their stock of batteries got overlooked and is now running low; I can imagine that if a woman has a toy chest, well, the contents are getting more of a workout now than before… and there are probably some husbands and boyfriends who are only just now finding out that she has toy chest to begin with.

The Internet is flooded with things people can do while sheltering in place and without having to leave the relative safety of their prison… um, home. I’ve seen some more, ah, salacious stuff that hints that if ya ain’t got anything else to do, have sex and, indeed, Twitter seems to have a lot of people who are sheltering – stuck, really – in place and letting it be known that getting laid would be a fantastic thing for them to do.

Also a bit historically, it seems that in times of crisis, people seem to instinctively have sex… a lot of sex and as evidenced by the baby boom that happened around the time I was born, during and on the heels of the Korean situation, if I remember correctly. But that was obviously different from what’s going on today. It’s probably a safe bet that there are a lot of people who are having a whole lot of sex in lieu of not being able to go about their normal routines… but those folks who can’t – and won’t – get any?

How are they handling this? Masturbation, as an alternative, is normal, natural, healthy and, at the least, can take the edge off, well, up to the moment when it doesn’t. Given that this is something usually done in private, it must get really interesting for those who want to rub two or three out to be able to do so (and especially for those folks who have children who are also stuck in place along with them). I can imagine that there are a lot of women “trapped” in place with a man they have no interest in having sex with and for whatever reason they don’t and feeling some kind of way about that, just as I can imagine there are a lot of men stuck with these women who are looking at them with great hunger… and a lot of trepidation because they already know that if they ask to have sex, their request is going to be denied and even more so when, now, there’s no place to hide and, if one was of a mind to, no way to get the need taken care of.

I can imagine that the stress levels associated with this alone are quite high – and like everyone isn’t stressed enough as it is. I can’t speak for women but I know a lot of guys, when they’re highly stressed, want to have sex; think of releasing the pressure on a pressure cooker… and what tends to happen when you don’t release the pressure and more so with older styles of that very scary kitchen tool. I can imagine women, who are, more or less, pretty chill or indifferent about sex are thinking that, yeah, getting laid would be nice right about now but like men, they’re cut off from being able to go out and make some guy very lucky… or they’re stuck in the house with someone they don’t wanna have sex with or is unable to. Again and, sure, rubbing one out is a good alternative… if the woman in question is of a mind to do it… and some aren’t; they either don’t believe in it or feel it’s a complete waste of time and energy.

Makes me wonder for those women who are with guys suffering from ED if getting eaten sounds like a good idea and more so if they were of a mind that getting eaten does absolutely nothing for them. Makes me wonder how many women who aren’t or weren’t of a mind to give their guy a full and complete blow job – and definitely not gonna give up the booty – are now thinking that it’s a better option than to have what might be a sex-deprived lunatic roaming around the house.

Really makes me wonder if this crisis is going to change a lot of minds about sex – period. For those who have chosen to abstain from sex, it’s probably not a big deal for them and especially for those who have vowed to never has sex again even if Hell freezes over… and now it’s pretty damned chilly in Hell if not completely frozen.

I know it’s not funny but my sense of humor wonders if the “toilet paper shortage” is a lot more serious than people think it is since, um, well, you know, when us guys jerk off, we gotta be able to do that cleanup on aisle one.

And, yeah – I’m the guy who’s wondering about all of this and how people are coping and dealing with this.

 
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Posted by on 4 April 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Orally Fixated

Yeah… that’s me. I know it – have known in for a very long time – and it doesn’t embarrass me to admit it. I love the shit out of oral sex – men, women, doesn’t matter and while screwing is really nice and all that, it often pales in comparison to being able to put my mouth on someone and, um, have my way with them like that.

One of the many questions on the forum about cock sucking, in particular, is why it’s so addictive; a lot of guys suck cock for the first time and they just can’t get enough of doing it and, conversely, I think some guys haven’t done it yet because they are really and truly afraid that they’re gonna like it…

And get seriously hooked on it.

The fellas ask, “Why do I like/love sucking cock so much?” and I actually know the answer because, um, yeah, I really did bother to find it because I had reason to ask myself the same question. Sure… giving a guy a blow job is very taboo and all that and doing it knowing that it’s taboo often makes doing it that much more exciting, you know, rebelling against the system. But the answer is a lot more involved and, in fact, not sexual at all… and no, I’m not going to get into the science and psychology of oral fixation except to say that we’re all born with it; it’s the second instinctive thing we do after we take our first breath outside of the womb. It’s why many of us were thumb-suckers and the reason why it sometimes takes a lot of effort to break children out of the habit.

Because sucking on something feels really good. Anyway.

I’ve learned a lot about sex over the decades… but nothing more exciting than eating pussy and sucking dick. It is, in my opinion, highly erotic and intimate and, as I would eventually learn, works extremely well where my oral fixation is concerned. Someone will ask me, “Why do you suck dick?” and there are two answers. The first is, “Because I can…” and the second is, “It makes me feel good to do it!” It’s the same answers for why I love eating pussy but, nah, people generally don’t ask a guy why he likes eating pussy because that, in and of itself, isn’t something that’s considered to be unusual even though there are guys who wouldn’t go down on a woman even if you put a gun to their head and were squeezing the trigger to its break point.

I could do it all day, every day, and I’d be so very happy to do it. I learned – and had to break down and admit to myself (which wasn’t easy) that when that particular call of nature says it’s time to get laid, my oral fixation, aka “The Beast” has to be fed as well. In my entire life, I’ve only been with two women who didn’t want to be eaten – ever. Guys? Well, sure and generally, dudes don’t want anyone who isn’t female sucking on their dick – and I only know of one guy who didn’t want to be sucked – ever.

In order to understand this in other guys, I had to understand it about myself and, again, it wasn’t easy to wrap my head around it so until I understood what oral fixation was, damn – I loved doing something and didn’t know why I did; the very curious kid I was would wind up being driven almost batshit crazy trying to figure it out but once I did, wow. I got hooked for life on it because my brain is wired to equate sucking with feeding and feeding – in this case, nursing – is equated with a very good feeling.

Except, um, sucking a dick and/or eating pussy ain’t like sitting down and enjoying a good meal and especially one that will – or could – give you a foodgasm – and I do like this word since, in reality, the two things are more related that we’re aware of or even pay attention to. Still, it was troubling how much I loved doing both things but, again, once I understood what oral fixation was, I was good with it and it got me to understand why there are those who don’t like giving head and that some are like this because they were made to not like doing it and, as such, having their oral fixation broken to the point where giving someone head becomes an obligatory chore and something done out of expectation.

Which just takes the fun out of it. Of course, there are always the horror stories, tales of emotional trauma and all that as well as it being pounded into the heads of many that putting your mouth on someone down there just ain’t ever to be done – it’s just too nasty, immoral and, for some, unholy.

Sure… it’s a lot of work and, depending on who you’re giving head to, a whole lot of work and one of the things I learned other than technique was persistence as well as patience and neither thing was easy to learn. And I learned something else about myself: I’m… selfish when giving head and by that I mean I don’t “just do it” to make the other person happy. Yeah, I want them to be happy but The Beast loves being fed and being able to feast on someone makes it very happy… which usually has the result of making the person its feasting on happy… or not so much sometimes.

There’s been a lot of talk on the forum over the last couple of days about being a “submissive cock sucker” and whether or not one has to be submissive in this. A lot of guys say that they are but I’ve learned – and because my brain is just wired like that – that it’s not always the act itself that is submissive – it’s what and how someone feels about doing it although, to be literal about it, when you’re gonna give head to someone, you’re actually submitting to doing it – but not necessarily being “made” to do it – it’s complicated. Some guys say that sucking dick makes them feel delightfully “girly” which makes a kind of sense since we are – and have pretty much always been – of a mind that this is something that is in a woman’s purview, not that a lot of women are comfortable with this – it’s just the way it has always been perceived.

Indeed, it wasn’t until more “recent” times when a guy sucking another guy’s cock was considered to be quite manly and I’ve tended to agree with this since I know it takes a lot of guts to suck another man’s dick. Guys will go down on a woman and not give it much thought… but dicks? Yeah – gotta think long and hard (no pun) about that one. Yet and still, a lot of guys experience it… and they often say one of two things. One is, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” and the other is, “Why didn’t I do this before now?”

And then, “Why am I hooked on doing it?” Some guys get all into the taste and feel of it and getting the “reward” at the end… but the real culprit is oral fixation. A lot of guys ask, “What’s it like to suck cock?” and, duh, they’d love to know the answer to this without having to do it – and I came up with an experiment one can try:

Wash your hands and stick your thumb in your mouth… and suck on it and, sure, get your tongue involved. For most adults, this will make you feel pretty silly and more so if you were someone who never sucked their thumb. The trick is to not pay attention to what you’re doing to your thumb – pay attention to how it’s making you feel other than silly.

It works for eating pussy, too, I discovered although there is more stuff to lick and all that other than her clit – but the general principle is the same. I even noticed that sometimes, when one hurts a finger – a small cut, whacked it with a hammer, etc., – the first thing some people do is stick it in their mouth and suck on it.

Because it actually feels good despite whatever pain they happen to be feeling. And, yeah – I didn’t make the connection until I caught myself sucking on my finger after hitting it pretty hard on a door frame.

Okay. I had been told in my youth to never put my mouth on a girl’s pussy but not told why I shouldn’t. So, um, yeah – I had to find out… and while I now know there are reasons why you shouldn’t, um, holy shit – that was more fun than sucking a dick – and something else that I was told not to do or let anyone do. Well, um, that last “warning” came all late and wrong but, sure, there are reasons why you shouldn’t suck a guy’s dick.

But if those reasons don’t exist (and you’re sure that they don’t and as best you can establish), going down on someone is, at least for me, sheer unadulterated joy. Many are of a mind that it’s a one-way kind of pleasure and one for the person who’s getting head… but I learned a long time ago that when I’m doing it, oh, my, it is so intensely pleasurable! And while I’d say that I’m not arrogant or egotistical to the point where I believe that I’ve made everyone I’ve gone down on a happy camper I do know how happy it makes me to do it and, um, okay – if I didn’t get it right, gimme a chance to get it right – more fun for me and, hopefully, for you, too.

As I said, it was hard for me to accept that I was, in deed and in fact, a cock sucking, pussy eating fiend. A girl could tell me, “You can eat my pussy but you can’t fuck me!” and I was all for it. A guy would say I could blow him – but he wasn’t gonna blow me – and I was just as good with that because The Beast was gonna be fed and what makes it happy makes me very happy.

I can’t even begin to count the many times in a relationship where I’ve pounced on the pussy out of the clear blue sky, eaten it (and fed The Beast) and that’s all that happened… and because that’s all that was needed to happen. Before experience taught me to be more discriminating, sure – homey wants his dick sucked and I’m cool with him? Sure – pull it out and let’s get it done. If the favor gets returned, even more fun since, um, I’m not one of those guys who don’t seem to like being blown. You don’t even have to get me to cum because I’ve learned to be very appreciative of anyone who’d go down on me… because they could’ve chosen not to at all.

But if I can go down on you? Sheer bliss. Kinda doesn’t get any better than that. My oral fixation is what it is and I’m very okay with it. What’s that you say? It’s gonna take a while for you to cum this way? Okay… I’m just gonna keep going until you do or one of us taps out… and I’m determined that I’m not gonna be the one to tap out. Never got off this way? Well, let’s see what I can do about that! It’s not merely skill – it’s persistence and patience and a focus on finding someone’s good spots to turn what might have been a waste of time into something other than that.

I just don’t like it. I love the shit out of it. Always have, always will. There the eroticism and intimacy involved but I am very aware of how orally fixated I am when it comes to this. The Beast loves to be fed… and I do very much love feeding it. A lot of guys swear by, “It’s better to give than receive…” I don’t say they’re wrong about this but, um, receiving ain’t bad either. There’s a question of whether reciprocation is a real necessity – some say it is, some say it isn’t but I’d guess that depends on how one thinks about being able to fully share the oral experience… or if they even want to.

But that’s a topic for another time…

 
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Posted by on 27 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Schism

As bisexual men, many of us are all too aware of the great divide and angst between ourselves and some women who are greatly offended over the fact that we know a lot of the things they do about men and do them, too. We’re aware that there’s a lot of… resistance where the acceptance of bisexuality is concerned among the masses and the perception is that heterosexuals are the driving force behind this resistance – but that’s only partially true given the number of homosexuals who have reason not to say anything nice about bisexuals.

Even way back in my younger days, the mindset was you were either straight or you were gay and anyone who was neither was confused and in denial or became the butt-end of many jokes and even if the subject of the joke was, in fact, quite straight; sometimes the subject would get all riled up and start professing his straightness and declaring how much pussy he’d conquered; sometimes the subject would laugh right along with everyone else and sometimes the subject would be “suspiciously” quiet but, still, being a bisexual in hiding wasn’t as serious a thing as it is today.

I’d met a gay guy and we got together to have some oral sex with each other and, afterward, he asked me a question I’d never heard before: “Why aren’t you gay?” He didn’t ask me if I was gay and a question I’d been asked many times before and, as such, easy to answer: Nope, not gay – I go both ways. He and I actually had a really nice conversation about his question to me and, after my brain settled down from being surprised at the question, I told him that I’d had enough experience and evidence to prove to myself that just being gay wouldn’t work for me, that and I couldn’t deny how much I loved women and pussy so giving up one for the other didn’t make sense to me.

After that moment, it seemed that I was running into a lot of gay men who’d insist that I stop being in denial about being gay, give up women, and stick with just men. I actually had a gay man tell me that if it weren’t for the fact that I’d had my dick in pussy – and he said it like it was a curse word – that he wouldn’t hesitate to suck my dick. I didn’t know whether to be offended or to laugh at that. Some gay men I’d slept with didn’t give a fuck that I went both ways while others – and, oddly, after the sex was over and done with, would go off the rails because I wouldn’t give up women and their “nasty pussies” and stick with guys only. That one would wind up having me say, “You didn’t say that a little while ago, huh?”

But the question had exposed me to the schism between bi and gay guys and, for the most part, it was pretty vicious. I’d often find myself listening to a gay man tell me that he could do more for me than any woman ever could… and instead of being offended (which I had to learn to not be), I’d come back with, “Okay… but could you have my babies?” – and watch them loose their shit and often in some hilarious ways.

It’s bad enough these days to know that there are women who wouldn’t give you the time of day if it was needed to save your life if they even thought you were bi or, as I saw one woman write, “One of those fucked up down low motherfuckers…” but it’s just as bad that decades after I’d been exposed to gay men pushing their gay agenda on me, that narrowminded viewpoint continues to exist. I mean, I get it; everyone wants someone they can be with as a lover, partner and both and it makes sense that a gay man would want these things from a guy who is just like them… except not all guys who could fit the bill are gay and not of a mind to denounce women in favor of just being with men.

You get very tired of listening and/or reading about picking a side and staying there (which, I found, was a sentiment way older than I am) or being told that you’re in denial about what you really are; it continues to make my eyes roll to see people writing that bisexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation and, of course, by this point in my life, I think I’ve heard every negative thing that can be said about bisexuals and there’s probably some shit I haven’t heard yet because you know how it goes: Once you think you’ve heard it all, you find out that you haven’t.

The real question is why does this schism exist in the first place? It took me quite a bit of time to figure this one out: It’s actually human nature and the way we’ve always behaved: If you’re not like us, you’re against us and you will be dealt with in some kind of way. It speaks to how tribal we really are but given that we are a very social kind of animal, yeah, it makes sense that clashes of us versus them are going to show up and be waged and with both sides being more than willing and able to say all the bad shit they can about the others but not being of a mind to say anything good or nice about them.

When you have a “very gay” guy tell you that your mother should have swallowed instead of allow you to be born, you can get an idea of how nasty it can get in the trenches of this schism… and, yes, he said that and got his ass kicked because you do not – and will not – ever speak about my mother like that.

So the schism exists “simply” because everyone has an agenda in this, are of a mind that they way they are is the best – and sometimes – only way to be and you should be like them and if you aren’t, well, aren’t you all kinds of fucked up in the head? Bisexuals have always been the red-headed stepchild of the sexuality world, well, up until transgender folks appeared but this ain’t about them. And I don’t know about other bisexuals but I’ve seen this schism so much that I do wonder what the fuck is really going on with this; I ask myself why the factions against bisexuality are often only looking at one side of us – the homosexual side – but not the heterosexual side so much and, as such, keeping that “pick a side and stay on it” bullshit alive when it’s clear that a person can choose to be in the middle of things if they’ve decided that this is what works best for them.

Oh, wait; there’s not supposed to be anything between being straight and gay – how silly of me to have momentarily forgotten that.

I’ve heard more homosexuals tell me how confused and in denial I am than I’ve had heterosexuals say this. In fact and in my experiences, I’ve seen more heterosexuals be more “not in my backyard” about it; doesn’t matter to them one bit… just don’t ask them to get naked and have sex with you or anyone you care about. I’ve sat and listened to gay men go off the deep end about how fucked up women are and while being totally gobsmacked that they have so many bad things to say about women when some of them go about their lives trying to be more woman than the real thing and, yeah, some, ah, very gay men have best friends who are women.

In defense of many homosexuals, they’re not all totally against bisexuals and even they think this schism isn’t necessary and a total waste of energy and effort keeping this silliness going. Those open-minded folks understand that we – bisexuals – have much in common with them and just as we do with heterosexuals.

But it’s probably easier to not pay attention to the commonality and focus more on someone being neither straight or gay… but able to exist in both worlds. It continues to amaze the shit out of me that after first hearing that “you’re straight or gay” thing five decades ago that it’s still alive and well today and as if we, on the whole, haven’t learned a damned thing from what homosexuals – who were the original redheaded stepchild – had to endure. They weren’t supposed to exist, either but, duh, clearly they did; otherwise, what was everyone pitching a bitch about?

And we see the same insanity taking place today except bisexuals have replaced homosexuals as the target of ire for so many people. It can’t be real; we’re greedy, in denial – you’ve heard all of this crap – when, at least in my opinion, um, it’s not us who are in denial about anything.

It’s those people who refuse to accept that bisexuality is a real-deal thing and always has been. Why am I not gay? Because I don’t want to be and without offense to anyone, I find it limiting to just be on one side of things. I don’t have anything against anyone who wants to be on one side or the other; that’s just being petty and even childish so to behave in such a way is, I think, beneath me and very unbecoming. If I have something against you, chances are damned good it’s not because you’re straight or gay – you, as a person, just managed to get on my wrong side. I get that there are those who aren’t like me… and I’m good with that. I don’t even push some kind of agenda on anyone but, sure, I’ll say if you want or need to, try it – but if you don’t, it’s no big deal.

I’ll even tell you what’s both good and bad about it and in some situations I’d even try to talk you out of going both ways. Shit… I don’t even “wish” more people were bisexual because I know better than to have such an unrealistic POV. People are gonna be whatever they need to be in these things and the bad part is that the schism is going to keep appearing because there’s always going to be that one person who’s gonna hate on you because you’re not even close to being the way they are and the way they expect you to be.

It’s just human nature, really; one might think that at this point in our evolution, we would have outgrown this kind of behavior – and, clearly, we haven’t. I’ve been aware of this schism for decades and for a lot of decades before bisexuality became the hot-button topic it has become today. In some ways, a lot of people just don’t give a fuck if you’re bisexual and in other ways, yeah – some people do give a fuck and not in a nice way.

One day, maybe we’ll learn to put this stuff behind us…

 
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Posted by on 25 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: The Hassle

As early as 1970 or so, part of the “running joke” about switch-hitters – aka, bisexuals – was that they’d fuck anything moving, wearing pants or a dress, and above ambient temperature. Even upon hearing this, this… slight was more about bisexual men than women. As the “joke” spread, I’d started hearing about how greedy we were as well as being confused; they weren’t saying that we were in denial about being gay – yet – but they just assumed that all bisexuals were gay whether we tried to deny it or not. The more I heard the snide remarks and back-handed comments, the clearer it became that these references were, again, more about bi guys than bi gals but the ladies weren’t immune from the prejudice: They were all man-hating “bull dyke” lesbians.

The perception was that switch-hitters were running wild, having sex willy-nilly and, well, from my perspective, that seemed to have some truth to it but we were also well into the sexual revolution at that time and people everywhere was screwing like rabbits, taking the chant, “Make love, not war!” to heart and literally so.

That along with, “If it feels good, do it.” And, um, since it did feel good, it was getting done and sexuality – and even in our limited understanding at the time, didn’t seem to really play into things. Since homosexuals were getting a lot of unwanted attention – and switch-hitters were batting from both sides of the plate, whatever promiscuity gays were being accused of landed on bisexuals with twice the weight and ire.

So the stigma was up and running, causing homosexuals to be subjected to a lot of hate and, as a result, driving bisexuals deep underground and a “process” made easier because even back then, you couldn’t look a someone and tell if they were bisexual, not like you could almost easily and effortlessly identify homosexuals… even if they weren’t flaunting their sexuality for all to see.

Still, if you were bisexual at this time, getting laid – from either side of the plate – wasn’t that difficult and, as a caveat, I’ll say that it depended upon where you lived; where I lived, sure – there was more pussy and dick to be had and more so given the number of very horny teenagers running around in the 1970s (and, yeah, I was one of them). Bisexuals had to tread carefully lest they get outed and tagged as being gay which could result in great ridicule or, sadly, physical harm… and all someone had to do was to have a beef with you, start a rumor that you played for both teams, and now you’d find yourself stuck with a reputation for being a homo, faggot, queer, etc..

By the time HIV arrived on the scene in the late 1970s/early 1980s, homosexual men were being targeted more than ever before, driving bisexuals even deeper underground so as not to keep getting confused with homosexuals but the “switch-hitter” jokes were still in play and I’ll say that, again, from my perspective, they were merely a way to get under someone’s skin and get them riled up more than they were an actual accusation but, sure, a lot of people I knew – including myself – would sometimes have someone roll up on them and say something like, “I hear you go both ways – is that true?”

And even if the person being asked was as straight as a ruler. So the innuendo that bisexuals were running around screwing everyone without a care in the world was really bullshit but, as you probably know, people are more likely to believe the bullshit than they are to believe the truth. Even still – and despite all this drama – if you were bisexual, it wasn’t that much of a hassle to scratch your itches when you needed to and more so when, in a lot of cases, some of the people ranting and raving about playing for both teams were, themselves, playing for both teams as well.

Let’s now skip ahead to the here and now. Probably more bisexuals in the mix than at any other time but where being bi used to be a joke, it’s now a condemnation and, if you’re male, that’s worse than being gay. While some bisexuals gird their loins and come out as being bi, many more witness the backlash and remain “in the closet” and find themselves being driven deeper underground even though there’s probably no one who doesn’t know what being on the down-low means. I’ve seen many instances where there are people who, for some reason I don’t pretend to understand, are so insular in their mindset that to them, bisexual is synonymous with homosexual. Women have been riled up big time against bisexual men and more than I can remember in days gone by thanks to all the bullshit going around about bisexuality, I guess a lot of women just assume that if the guy they’re with (or interested in) is even suspected of being bisexual, well, ain’t he the worst motherfucker ever born?

And even if it isn’t true that homey is bi. At times, you’ll see me write that this behavior isn’t as new as it appears to be because a lot of the things being said about bisexuals – and bisexual men, in particular – are very similar to what I heard said about homosexual men. The double standard where it’s a “crime” for a guy to be bi but not so much for a woman to be bi has grown a lot although, again, bi gals don’t really get that much of a pass being bi because, as “everyone knows,” they’re just faking the funk to get their hands on a man since, you know, all men think that having a bisexual woman is the greatest thing ever.

Even when that sentiment isn’t as true as one might think. I write a lot about what I see where men trying to get some dick goes; I often get… wistful and sigh a lot (and roll my eyes) to see how some guys are behaving in this and how they’re going about things and in ways that makes being bisexual more of a hassle now than at any other time I can recall.

I am really and seriously not kidding or joking when I say that back in the day, all you had to do was ask a guy if he wanted to do it and either he did or he didn’t. Maybe a little backlash but not really that much if you guessed wrong about the guy (or he guessed wrongly about you). Comparatively speaking, it really was easier to get the dick you wanted than it is today and while the increased and ongoing angst is responsible for a lot of the lack of easiness, the reason why getting some dick is so terribly difficult stems from how difficult guys are making it.

Bi women have a different kind of problem. I don’t think they purposely make it hard on themselves to get a woman but, as mentioned, they have their own stigma to deal with and there are a lot of men who just do not think having a bisexual girlfriend/wife is an ideal situation and, as a result, you either have a whole lot of very depressed women walking around or, yeah, they’re getting some on the side anyway. Part of the stigma bi women have always had to deal with is the dreaded threesome and something that not all women are interested in even if they aren’t bisexual. A lot of bi women are just not of a mind to reveal their sexuality because it’s almost a given that someone is gonna mention a threesome and they can get so pissy about it that you can’t even joke with them about it.

There are a lot of women who want to be able to express their bisexuality but old school thinking about relationships and the dreaded threesome thing keeps them stuck in place and miserably so. Even worse for some ladies, they can be a with a guy who is okay with his gal being bi… as long as he can get in on the action or, much, much worse, wants to control everything she does in this and that includes picking the woman he thinks is the right one for her and dictating what they can do, when they can do it, stuff like that.

I sit back and observe all of this and ask myself, “What the hell is going on?” and mostly because, again, I can clearly remember a time when the hassle wasn’t this bad. I talk a lot about how the dynamic has changed and some of the changes haven’t been what I’d call good ones. Yes – more men and women are checking out this bisexual thing and embracing it despite the ongoing bullshit being flung all over the place.

It’s just much harder for a bisexual to be bisexual even though the social angst is slowly but surely losing steam and power; I find it quite curious to see that a lot of the angst against bisexuals and bisexuality isn’t coming from heterosexuals even though it’s being said that straight folks are the main ones up in arms about this bisexual thing… and it’s not them making the most noise about it.

There’s a certain… logic that can be applied here and, for the most part, it’s rather simple (nah, not really but bear with me on this). One can set their intelligence to the task of stating the case of why being bisexual can make sense and more so when no matter what a lot of people think, not all bisexuals have the sex that’s possible; some are quite happy just being aware of their feelings in this, thank you very much.

Or, as Cityman loves to say, “If you can do it, why not?” The reality says that if you want to, you can, and even if your reason for doing so only makes sense to you… but a lot of people who might want to won’t… because it’s such a hassle. Between this refocused angst to an incredibly stubborn mindset that’s still present in society, one can easily make the case for themselves to check out bisexuality but it’s at this point where the logic tends to fail and no matter how impeccable it is. Oh, you can, you know, if you want to, jump on the bandwagon… if you don’t give a flying fuck about the backlash that’s most certainly going to come your way and backlash that I’ve found is more based in emotion than in actual intellectually derived fact.

The hassle is impressively oppressive and that’s not a good thing. Each and every day, I get to watch guys writing about how terribly difficult it is for them to do something about their sexuality but not understanding that a lot of their difficulties is of their own doing, that and more people today are very worried about what someone is going to say about them than, again, any other time I can remember. I see men being pickier and funnier about getting with guys and to the extent that it’s starting to make being able to get with a woman look downright easy – and we all know that it was never easy to begin with. It is disheartening to see so many women being cowed and forced to suppress their thoughts and feelings in this and all because of what someone else thinks and/or says about it.

And I’m not really sure what the true root cause of this is. The hassle is really and truly the motherfucker to end all motherfuckers; I see people going out of their way to make this harder than it has to be; I see guys whining and complaining about not being able to find someone they can explore the possibilities with… while doing absolutely nothing toward getting what they want. They set the bar really high; if you’re not exactly and precisely what they want and in every aspect, you’re dismissed and deemed unacceptable. The many apps available, sure, they’re a cluster fuck into themselves but if they don’t do anything, they let other guys know that there’s a lot more dick available where they live than they want to believe.

A guy on the forum was talking about being unable to find a friend he can do something with and it made me ask, “What are you doing to make that happen?” And, amazingly, a lot of guys are, again, doing absolutely nothing. They don’t want to use an app, don’t want to get out and socialize anywhere there might be other bisexuals; they express an ongoing frustration about not being able to tell whether a guy is bi or not… and it remains true, at least in my experiences, that you just cannot look a guy and tell that he’s bi or even has his own thoughts about being bi.

I’ve seen guys setting criteria and preferences that I find… incredible and, in some cases, highly unrealistic; it’s like they’re doing everything they can think of not to do what they say they very much want to do. I see guys who actually believe that if you hook up with some random guy, you’re going to get very badly infected with something and as a matter of course while believing that having what amounts to a boyfriend is totally safer.

And it makes me rhetorically ask, “What the fuck?” See, I grew up in a time where the last thing a bi guy wanted to do was be in a relationship with another man; hook up and do each other and as much as can be done? Sure! If the sex was that good, why not get more of it… as long as it was still in the NSA mode. As an aside, a lot of gay men just flat out didn’t like us because of the lack of interest in being a boyfriend – where do you think that shit about bisexuals not being able to commit came from?

If you had a friend and y’all discovered that, hmm, we could have sex with each other – think bro-job at the very least – all well and good and more so when the two of you hanging out a lot wouldn’t draw a lot of suspicion.

Today? Wow. Guys are more relationship-minded and while there’s some sense to this, what it really does it make the hassle more of a hassle, you know, given the number of very willing men and dicks that are obviously out there.

I’m thinking that any time a guy turns me down because I don’t have a nine-plus inch dick, there’s something not quite right going on. If a guy turns me down because I merely trim my pubic hair – but not use a razor on my junk – yeah, something’s wrong here. When I see a bunch of guys bemoaning casual sex like it’s the most evil thing ever, my god, what is going on here? Why is this being made into more of a hassle than anything else?

And when I see guys bitching and moaning about not being able to find a guy to throw it down with – and they’re not doing anything to help their cause – yeah, there’s something really wrong going on… and I can’t seem to point to any one thing that explains this behavior. True enough – a lot of bisexuals, both male and female, are thumbing their noses at the social angst and doing what they gotta do to get what they want and need and if anyone ain’t liking it, well, it sucks to be them.

Many are embracing bisexuality because they understand that, ultimately, the responsibility for their satisfaction is theirs and theirs alone and relying on one person to take care of every need they may have in this is unrealistic and the very old way of doing things which many people are also seeing how archaic this school of thought is and it truly isn’t keeping up with how people have changed over all this time.

That and it remains true that if you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna do it and by any means necessary… but so many are running into problems when it comes to doing it and many of those problems are of their own creation, again, making it harder for themselves than it has to be – or even should be.

And not doing much about making things happen for themselves. Avoiding Mr. Right Now like the plague while waiting for a Mr. Right to fall out of the sky and onto their dicks or in their mouth or butt while making the criteria for Mr. Right damned near impossible to reach or meet. Once upon a time, there were two ways you could get the dick you wanted: Go looking for it or just be somewhere you could be found.

Can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve been somewhere and minding my own business and have guys hit on me… and I wasn’t even looking to get hit on or even feeling a need to partake of some cock.

The hassle, as it exists right now, is very real – I just don’t quite understand why it’s such a hassle. We are, in fact, more knowledgeable about same-sex stuff because, after all, we’ve had all this time to watch homosexuals fighting for their right to be homosexual. We know – and have always known – that there are bisexuals even though the recent insanity gives one the impression that such a thing is impossible. Much of society is pretty NIMBY about it; what you do is your business as long as you don’t involve me or mine.

Yet, this continues to be a very major hassle. I dunno… maybe it’s just in our nature to make things more difficult than they should be and because bisexuality is becoming more visible, the hassle is much more visible… but I’m of a mind that the social angst isn’t totally and completely responsible for how… intense the hassle is these days. Again, many are ignoring the angst and seeing it for the childish behavior it really is. Many aren’t giving the morality of this behavior much in the way of weight because at the very least, it’s just being able to have sex and, not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your fucking business who I’m having sex with and how I’m doing it.

Many people in relationships are seeing the sense in allowing themselves to explore the possibilities and more so when sex isn’t the only benefit that can be experienced. A lot of poly folks have bisexuals in their groups because, hmm, why not? Their sexual preference is more like gravy than it is a problem since, again, they bring other things to the table other than their libido and sexual duality. So, in many ways, the hassle is being dealt with and in some positive ways…

But it’s still a bitch and a motherfucker for a lot of people to find themselves caught up in the hassle… and more so when chances are they’re the reason why being bisexual is such a hassle in the first place.

 
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Posted by on 19 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Let’s Do It Again

If I’m still writing about cock sucking, it’s because the forum’s membership has, once more, ramped up discussions about it and it remains the number one topic of discussion.

So… one day, Cityman and I were having yet another of our conversations about this and with the rhetorical question of, “Why don’t more men get into sucking dick?” at the forefront. He’s of a mind that men can achieve a higher level of bonding with each other this way and I don’t disagree with him except to say that while male bonding is an important aspect in our development, eh, when it comes to putting mouth to cock, our intentions aren’t always that altruistic.

In some of the conversations I checked out one of the things I noticed was how a lot of guys would answer a general kind of question with what they prefer to do and, of continuing interest, what they haven’t done. Granted, everyone has an opinion about, well, everything but I’ve noticed that when there’s a guy who, at least from my perspective, is looking for information that will help him make the decision to suck a dick or to leave it alone, sometimes, the responses given, in my opinion, aren’t always all that helpful, like, a guy who has never sucked a dick will put his two cents worth in about something he’s not actually done – but he has some thoughts about it.

Which, I guess, is better than asking a question and no one responds to it.

A guy asked a question about not being able to get away from sucking dick; apparently, he’s tried to give it up but has found that he can’t – does anyone else feel the same way? Now, this is the kind of question that can pop into a guy’s mind when it dawns on him that, holy shit, I’m hooked on this dick sucking thing! For whatever reason, he feels the need to step away from it but he can’t and more than anything else, he’s really wondering if there’s something very wrong with him or if this inability to give up cock sucking is fairly normal.

The answer is yeah, it’s pretty normal and to quote – or misquote – that famous movie line, “Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!” Or something like that. If one responds by saying something about how much they like sucking dick – or that they’ve yet to suck one, nah – not helping a whole lot.

Back to Cityman’s rhetorical question for a moment or two. We’ve opined that if the stigma against male cock sucking were to just go away, that the people who remain squeamish about this would just understand that men have always been sucking each other off (which is why it’s a taboo in the first place), then perhaps guys blowing each other would be… easier? Just par for the course? There are a lot of guys who want to suck cock and, off the top of my head, there are three reasons why they haven’t:

  1. They’re terribly afraid of catching something.
  2. They’re very concerned about the stigma landing on them and getting their head handed to them.
  3. Some guys are actually worried that if they do it, they’re gonna like it… and won’t be able to stop doing it.

There are probably some more reasons I can think of – and could list – but I haven’t finished drinking my coffee yet – you know how that goes, right?

One of the more difficult informational things guys have a hard time responding to is, “What is it like to suck cock?” And I’ve seen few guys actually try to explain it and I know that even I have a hard time putting it into words. And even in this, you can see guys who’ve never sucked a dick offering their opinion on what they think it would be like if they ever got around to doing it. Helpful? I guess so… but while opinion is all well and good, the voice of experience is much more helpful… but then you gotta be able to answer such a question with as much objectivity as one can manage and not allow a potential answered to be colored by one’s biases, preferences and, yeah, bad experiences.

One possible answer to Cityman’s rhetorical question could be that more men aren’t getting into cock sucking because of what we don’t know about it and an overall inability to really state the pros and cons about it. What are the benefits if all men were “allowed” to suck cock? What are the downsides? And, I think, because we tend to focus more on the downside of this than we do any positive aspects, well, it’d be difficult to convince guys that it would be a good thing to just get out there and suck some dick and let some guys suck theirs.

It’s not helpful for a guy to ask the membership if he should kinda say, “Fuck it…” and just go ahead and suck cock like he wants to… when there are a bunch of guys telling him that if he does, he’s gonna get sick and die or offering up their reasons for why they haven’t taken the plunge and sucked a dick or basically telling him that he should get an exclusive boyfriend before doing it because to pick some random guy from some app or other source is dangerous.

Going about sucking a guy’s cock for the first time – and no matter how much information you manage to obtain before the fact – is still some very scary shit. As stated time and time again, it’s not like we – men – don’t know that guys do suck each other because we do know this. We can, um, go to PornHub or some other site and see it and in some pretty outrageous ways.

And, yet, even armed with this information and being aware of the potential risks – and how to prevent them from cropping up – it’s still pretty fucking scary. And, yeah – having a guy go down on you for that first time is just as scary… and no matter how many times a guy has had a woman go down on him. The perception is that there’s some huge difference going on here when, in fact, there isn’t. We’ve had a great sense of homophobia pounded into our heads and, sheesh, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a guy say he won’t do it because he’s afraid it’s going to make him gay, I’d have a fleet of Lamborghinis to speed around town in.

It’s not what we know that stops this from being a “universal and accepted” thing for men to do – it’s what we don’t know and the fact that cock sucking is more subjective than objective and, even in this, there isn’t a clear cut way to put it into words. I can look inside my head and I know exactly why I love cock sucking… and you’ve seen me trying to explain it… and I still can’t really explain it because there just aren’t any words in any language that can get the job done. So, by and large, we wind up attempting to simplify it and with whatever words we have in our verbal arsenal. Sometimes it’s helpful… and sometimes it generates more questions than answers.

The biggest deterrent is social. The angst. The stigma. I tend to agree with Cityman that if this shit didn’t exist, a lot of dicks would get sucked. If there wasn’t so much fear mongering taking place, ditto. If there wasn’t all the psychobabble and this… nutty push for men to be in a relationship before giving up their cock to be sucked, yeah, maybe – just maybe – more guys would be blowing each other. If women didn’t have such a negative view about male cock suckers, sure, more guys would be doing each other and maybe even taking the pressure off of women to do this thing.

If we had a better and more open mindset about men blowing each other, a lot of men would be happily blowing each other. Those guys who haven’t done it and by their lack of actual experience wouldn’t be offering up their mostly uninformed opinions? Oh, they’d have a much more informed opinion…

If the social angst and stigma would just hurry the fuck up and go away. It continues to amaze the daylights out of me to see how much we – men – don’t know about this… and despite what is known about it. We suck each other off. We’ve always done this and if for no other reason than it can be done. It feels good to do it and to have it done. Yes, it is risky… but it’s well-known that sex has always been risky – again, there’s a reason why sex has forever been known to be dirty and nasty.

More men would be sucking cock if the belief that we shouldn’t do this were to fade into history. For a lot of men, the problem really isn’t doing it – the problem is fighting through the long-held belief that it should never be done. It’s just not all that easy to suspend belief and to override the social conditioning that prohibits this behavior in men. Then there’s that really fucked up double standard that says if “Jean” wants to eat “Helen’s” pussy, well, okay – that’s cool since there aren’t that many men who are really that good at it and our habitual emotional disconnect can make a girl being eaten a less than pleasant thing for her to endure and as opposed to how much emotion women can bring in this.

If the stigma didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be people running around and saying that men don’t (and shouldn’t) have to do this to each other because there are plenty of women who are willing to do it which, if nothing else, is theoretically true but, yeah, not so much… and guys who suck cock know exactly why this isn’t as much of a wholesale truth as is being offered in order to keep men from going buck wild and sucking each other off like it’s going out of style.

Whether a guy is into this up to their eyeballs or are still sitting on the bench and, really, making excuses for why they’re doing the one thing they say they’ve always wanted to do, sucking dick is still a huge topic of discussion… and some of the things we talk about concerning this isn’t conducive to easing a newbie’s concerns so that he can find out what a lot of other men have discovered.

Sucking cock is fun. It’s highly erotic. “Nasty” in a good way. It can be quite addictive (no pun or play on the word intended). A lot of guys do find that once they start sucking cock, being able to stop – or to not want to do it so much – is pretty damned difficult. While one can stop themselves from doing it, there’s not much that can be done about the desire to do it; it just does not ever go away and guys who manage to not do it often find that it takes a great effort of will not to give in to the greater desire to do it and go suck a dick.

Would sucking a dick – and having a guy suck your dick – make you gay? No, not really… but you might be surprised at how many men still believe this can happen. Why are some guys so afraid that if they do it, they’re gonna like it? Because they, too, believe that it’s gonna mean that they’re really gay since “everyone knows” that only gay men suck cock.

Bullshit.

Misinformation is the reason why more guys aren’t sucking cock and as a matter of course; fear is the reason why more guys aren’t sucking cock and as a matter of course.

Doesn’t stop cock sucking from being a much talked about thing but it’s surprising that some of the things we talk about concerning this gives a lot of guys a reason not to do it more than it encourages them to give it a try. It’s probably why I get to sit and observe guys being so… conditional about it that they’re actually making it more difficult to do the one thing they say they want to do… and do a lot of.

And I still sit back with a high degree of awe and confusion over this because I do know that it didn’t used to be this difficult for two guys to get together and suck each other’s dick… and just because it can be done and it’s a fun and satisfying thing to do.

True enough, a lot of guys won’t do it because they fear reprisals from women. Cityman asked if women would be more at ease over not being subjected to being “pressured” to suck cock and, I guess, theoretically, one would think they would be and more so when girlfriend has her own reasons why she’d rather clean a filthy toilet before sucking a guy’s dick.

The reality is very different and while there are, in fact, women who don’t have a problem with guys sucking cock, all the shit we’ve been made to believe about this has made guys who love to suck cock a lot of enemies where women are concerned. And guys who want to suck that dick are very, very concerned about this – and they should be. The fear mongering and disinformation is so bad that, wow, some women don’t understand why a guy would want to suck a dick… even when they know why they suck dick… and it’s just “impossible” that a guy – and a guy who isn’t gay – would want to do something that said woman , you know, if she wants to, would herself do.

Why aren’t more men sucking cock? Because we’re still not supposed to. It’s forbidden. Taboo. Immoral. Many of us are just too afraid to. Until all of these barriers (and many more I’ve not mentioned) are removed, a lot of dicks will continue to go unsucked by other men and those that do get sucked will continue be done under the cover of darkness and under the radar.

 
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Posted by on 16 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “There are Those Who Do…

“…and those who don’t; those who will and those who won’t.” If there’s any more to this little ditty that, as many things do these days, just popped into my head unbidden, I don’t remember it.

Having said that, I can probably point to the conversation I had with Cityman the other day about cock sucking which included a general discussion about cock sizes and how easy – or not – some guys take to it. As these conversations tend to go, we talked about the guys who are… fixated on a type – sizes, colors, shapes, cut/uncut – and debated whether this fixation was a good or “bad” thing – and “bad” in terms of having such stringent preferences causing one to miss out on a lot of dicks they could potentially suck. We also talked about whether reciprocation is really “mandatory” or “optional” or maybe even an unrealistic expectation.

More on that in a few. We opened the discussion about how some guys can start out with this M2M thing and working through doing it all and at some point change their minds about whatever they “normally” do and just go with some cock sucking. This isn’t unusual so much because, sometimes, it’s the only thing you have time for or one just doesn’t feel like putting dicks in butts for some reason. What made this conversation a bit more interesting was centered on those guys who, even after getting some cock sucking experience under their belts, haven’t quite adjusted to it and by this I mean they find it rough going to really get into it.

As I was getting ready to write this – and the opening ditty was echoing in my head, I remembered a couple of things. The first was the old joke about two guys watching a male dog licking its nuts and the one guy saying to the other, “I wish I could do that!” and the other guy saying, “Well, if you ask him nicely, he might let you.”

Yeah… very old joke. I then remembered a bunch of us outside playing one nice summer day and one of the friendly neighborhood strays was “hanging” with us and decided that he needed to, um, lick himself and it was very clear he wasn’t doing it because his doggy nuts were itchy or in need of a cleaning. I remember we watched the dog, our eyes bugging out as the dog’s penis extended from its sheath, all pink and glistening in the afternoon sunlight, and the dog got busy licking it and, a few minutes later, kinda whimpered, shuddered, and after looking confused for a moment, stood up, his tail wagging something fierce, before trotting off somewhere.

We’d been transfixed… well, until someone started laughing and one of the guys turned and said to one of the other guys, “That dog had a good idea – let’s go!” And off we went to one of our hideouts to spend some time sucking each other’s dicks until no one could get it up again.

Except this one guy. Oh, he’d suck dick… but let’s say that he wasn’t as eager about it as everyone else was… unless the one guy who we all knew he’d suck and like his life depended on it was in attendance and, that day, he wasn’t. I think this was probably the first time having a preferred dick got my attention. Some “investigation” into why some of the guys who were in our “gang” would vanish when the order of the day was cock sucking revealed that the reason why they’d absent themselves from the activity was because their favorite dick to suck wasn’t among those available to be sucked.

And if one of those guys did hang around and joined the fun, I was then able to notice that he wasn’t, again, as eager to do it as everyone else was. Hmm. It would be some time later where I’d see this very same thing and almost as a matter of course; some guys “refused” to give head because the dick waiting to be sucked wasn’t their favorite kind of dick; some guys would go ahead and do it without much enthusiasm – not their preferred cock or doing it out of obligation/expectation and, of course, a lot of guys who just didn’t suck dick and wouldn’t.

Cityman and I wondered – and as we usually do – if learning and mastering the skills and art of cock sucking should be something all males in to M2M should acquire, you know, it’s in their toolkit even if they don’t use it. We opined that, sure, why not, since a lot of guys are into giving head but to the question of whether a guy should strive to love it more than just liking it – and doing it because it’s expected – the jury was out big time.

With my bias fully in place, I’ve always been of a mind that if you’re gonna do it, it makes sense to have fun doing it and to do your best to enjoy it.

Then Cityman changed to the topic of male size queens and rhetorically questioned why so many guys are all about ginormous cocks and only those kinds of cock. Outside of the “group thought” that bigger is better, I’m at a loss to explain this and more so when it’s easier to suck smaller cocks. We allowed that any cock of any size can be sucked, you know, as long as you can adjust to the size and then don’t try to do more than you’re physically able to do with it, well, those great big dicks are nice to look at, nice to have in your hand but sometimes not so easy to suck.

The main point was that if a guy only went after the really big dicks, he’s passing up many opportunities to suck dicks that aren’t “all that big” and if you’re an avid cock sucker, well, why would you go out of your way to limit how many dicks you can suck? What I know is that guys, when you ask them about this, will usually and mostly say it’s a preference although I’ve noticed that not many guys can explain why they have this preference. Still, it’s hard to argue against one’s preferences in this even when you can point out – and they can agree – that any cock can be sucked and smaller ones are easier to work over with one’s mouth… and even with this agreement, any guy who doesn’t have a dick down to their knees will not be getting their dick sucked.

I offered that this is… weird given how many guys are, in fact, into sucking cock. I can understand having a favorite guy you just love going down on; yeah, some guys are just a joy to suck and the size of his dick tends not to be of any real issue. Cityman spoke of a guy he knows who will only suck BBC and the bigger/thicker, the better. He shared that in asking the guy about this, the guy agrees that there are guys of other ethnicities who are very well endowed and willing for the guy to pleasure them; he just can’t explain why it’s BBC for him or nothing at all.

I can’t explain it either. It is what it is, of course, but it’s kinda baffling when one is an avid cock sucker but they choose to restrict themselves in this way… or some other way that, if nothing else, excludes a lot of cocks which are available to be sucked.

We then – and as usual – got into a discussion about the guys who will suck the skin right off of a dick… but you better not even think about returning the favor in kind. Is – or should – reciprocal cock sucking be a matter of course? Given the way a lot of guys behave in this, well, it really doesn’t work because sometimes you feel like having the favor returned and sometimes you don’t… but there are guys who, as Cityman is fond of saying, aren’t of a mind to use their dicks in the way they can be used. I’ve asked guys why they’re like this and some have said that they don’t – and never did – like having their dick sucked; some guys point to being submissive and that their mission is to give pleasure rather than to receive it in the form of having their dick sucked. I understand this… but I’d still want to have my dick sucked since, um, it feels really good.

Of course, Cityman has asked me if things were always like this and, of course, I reiterated my knowledge that it was quite unusual to run across a guy who would blow your brains out but wouldn’t want his brains blown out. I spoke to the way me and fellas went about this: If you suck my dick, your dick is gonna get sucked in return… and even the very gay guy among us never objected to getting sucked off and despite him being a total bottom.

Or, as he had once told me, “I love being the girl… but I like having my dick sucked, too!”

I mentioned to Cityman – and not for the first time – if he’s noticed any similarities with how women can be about sucking dick and wanting that oral favor returned and he said that he could see that as well as some guys being more funnier about cock sucking than some women can be. Of course, we wondered why this is… and it’s one more thing that I can’t explain other than this being another of those instant gratification things: I want what I want and in the exact way I want it and no substitutions allowed and it’s non-negotiable.

Cityman had said, “But, then, some guys are sitting on their asses and bitching about not being able to find a dick to suck, aren’t they?”

Yep… they sure are. But what that might really mean is that they can’t find the specific type of dick they want to suck and under the conditions they want to suck their preferred cock. I know about this; I even understand it… while it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me and, yeah, because it’s not something I’d be of a mind to impose on myself. If I don’t want to suck a dick, there’s a reason why I don’t; either the guy is my kind of an asshole or, upon inspection, the dick doesn’t look as healthy as its owner has professed. Embarrassingly, yeah – I had to get over my disdain for uncut dicks and a quirk that did, in fact, prevent me from sucking a whole lot of dicks so to an extent, I was rather guilty of such… picky selectivity myself and get it in my head that even though I still think many uncut dicks are just outright fugly, it’s still a dick…

And any dick can be sucked. But to “come right out of the gate” with such hard-set and limiting preferences? I can’t explain it. I know what some guys say about it… and it still doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me and I do understand that I do have this, um, positive bias about sucking dick. If it can be sucked, then it’ll get sucked regardless to size and the ethnicity of its owner.

It’s just curious to see so many guys who are seriously funny about sucking dick and being sucked in return and more so when, in my experiences, it was, again, rare to run into a guy who was all that picky about sucking and being sucked. Times change… and this aspect of the dynamic has also changed and in ways I find extremely curious. Those guys who aren’t into it one way or the other? I get that. The guys who are into it but ultra-picky about things that, on the surface, shouldn’t matter a whole lot?

I’m trying to gain some understanding about this since I am very well aware that I can run into a guy who will suck the black off of my dick… and just won’t want the favor returned. Which, on the one hand, shouldn’t be that big of a deal but as Cityman and I discussed, how does it make you feel when you’re just as eager a cock sucker as the guy who’s blowing you… and he doesn’t even want you to fondle his dick? Is there anything behind the growing sentiment among bi guys that it’s better to give than receive? That being a submissive cock sucker means that having your dick sucked shouldn’t be done or, at the “worst” something to be endured… because it’s expected that if you suck a guy’s dick, your dick should also be sucked?

I don’t know. I’ve heard a lot of explanations toward this… and I still don’t know. It’s all about preference and I find myself having a dislike for the word and the context in which it is now being used. Once upon a time, a cock sucker preferred to suck cock… but today? If it’s not the right kind of cock and presented under the right and exact conditions, it’s a deal breaker to end all deal breakers. Once upon a time, it was “simply” a matter of if a guy sucked your dick, sucking his was pretty much a given even if done in a token kind of way; it was expected and, even so, either you were a cock sucker… or you weren’t.

It used to be stupidly simple… but not any more.

 
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Posted by on 15 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Have You Ever Wished…”

“…that you weren’t bisexual?”

A friend, a long time ago now, asked me this question and, honestly, I don’t remember how I answered him… but I probably said that I either never thought about that or that I’d never expressed and regrets about being bisexual to myself.

Today, well, no – I don’t have any regrets about being bi even though, as you might suspect, it’s not easy being bisexual when you’re literally surrounded by people who might not look upon you kindly if they knew that you were. It’s not easy to listen to some of the vicious things said about people who aren’t straight as well as hearing the great disdain for anyone who is, ah, open-minded about sex in both theory and practice.

It’s not easy to be aware that many people look at bisexuals as greedy sex fiends and perverted ones at that. It insults one’s intelligence – and, often, reeks of hypocrisy – to listen to righteously religious people rehashing the Old Testament warnings and punishments and totally disregarding what the New Testament has to say about it… and knowing that some of the people who’d preach fire and brimstone about it have a secret themselves.

It baffles the mind and is unquestionably frustrating to find yourself having to explain your sexuality and no matter how completely and even eloquently you explain it, the person you’re explaining it to somehow doesn’t seem to understand it and as if you responded to their query in a language they don’t understand. It is equally frustrating to listen to their responses and responses that are full of misconceptions and misperceptions, the usual stereotypical inaccuracies and anything that they wouldn’t do and what they don’t think is right or moral which, I guess, is all well and good… if we were talking about them instead of myself.

It’s depressing to see how… hidebound and even institutionalized people you thought you knew are about sex and sexuality, continuing to stick with and hold true to the way things are supposed to be and even when they know that the boy/girl thing ain’t the only way to do things. It’s heartbreaking to have long-time friends walk away from you and, sometimes, not because you’re into something they don’t believe in but because they’re scared shitless that you’re gonna ask them to have sex with you.

And, occasionally, find out that their biggest fear was that they would have said yes if they had been asked… then watch them feel some kind of way when I’ve told them that, no, it never crossed my mind to ask them to have sex with me… and now they’re offended over it.

Another friend had asked if it was hard being bisexual and I do remember how I answered them: No, it isn’t and mainly because it’s not hard for me to be myself. The friend thought that being bisexual somehow made one be very different, a comment I’ve heard before and have found amusing and had me telling them that the only and real difference between myself and a straight guy is what’s on my mind when it comes to having sex.

You might not know what it’s like to have someone look at you, blink rapidly and confusingly, and then pronounce, “You don’t look like the type.” Then watch the utter befuddlement on their face when I’ve responded, “What does the type look like?” – and knowing that “the type” usually refers to effeminate gay men and the, ah, more flamboyant ones.

Which usually leads to having to explain that, no, I’m not gay and not only was I never gay, but – since you asked (and said what you said) – I wouldn’t want to be gay and, sometimes, even having to explain how just being gay can be just as limiting as just being straight.

And, no, June Bug: Being bisexual doesn’t mean that you can always get a date on Saturday night.

Perhaps you can’t really grasp what it’s like to be in a semantic argument and discussing – or trying to discuss – the different between “men or women” and “men and women…” and how many really smart people can’t seem to see that there is a difference. When you’re bisexual, you almost immediately learn that things aren’t as black and white as everyone else tends to believe and it’s not really a thing of a person picking a side and choosing to stay on their chosen side.

It often makes me wonder if I’m “the only one” who really understands this. I know that I’m not, of course, but even when you’re with a bunch of people and the topic comes up, goodness, it’s amazing to see how grossly uninformed people are and, I’d have to say, irritating to hear people prattling on and on about something that, in truth, they know nothing about. Oh, they know what they’ve been told and heard and, insanely, they’d rather believe the untruths over real and factual information.

I’ve never wished that I wasn’t bisexual. I am. I like being bisexual and not just because of the sex. It frees me from the dogma that surrounds sex and sexuality while subjecting me to the ever-present stigma but it’s just something you learn to deal with; you accept that there are people – and many of them you know like the back of your hand – who either don’t understand it, don’t want to understand it, and it satisfies their sensibilities to continue to believe that when it comes to love, sex, and relationships, there’s still only one “real” way to do these things.

“Don’t you ever get frustrated?” yet another friend has asked.

Of course it’s frustrating – who doesn’t get frustrated over trying to get laid and it just ain’t happening for you? There probably aren’t too many people who don’t know what it’s like to get turned down – or flat-out rejected – for sex. What I know – and even if no one else really does – is that being bisexual doesn’t make getting laid easier because all it takes is for you to hit on a lady you’d just love to have carnal knowledge with find out – or even suspect – that you know some shit about men and dicks just as much as they do (or, yeah, even more so) to find yourself getting cussed out and, hell, no, you ain’t getting any of that.

Or to be talking to a guy, the subject somehow comes up and because you’ve got an open mind about these things, all of a sudden, they gotta run and get their cat out of the oven or some other made-up thing that suddenly requires their attention and because they think you’re gonna ask them to give up the dick or their ass to you. And it gets better… or worse. You’d think that gay men would be more… amenable to having sex with you and they are… until some of them learn that you’re bisexual and, I’d say, hilariously, you’re now the worst human male ever born… and in the face of the overall opinion that gay men are the worst human males ever brought into the world.

You might not understand how annoying it is to have great sex with a gay man and, after the fact, have him looking at you – and sometimes with great pity in their eyes – and tell you that what you should do is to give up women and just stick with men only. Or to get finished with sex and have them, in their moment of clarity, go off the rails because they had sex with one of those fucked up bisexual guys who’s not going to commit to being in an exclusive relationship with them and then continue with all the shit about being confused and in great denial about not really being the gay man they think you – I – should be.

Is it frustrating to be having a great conversation with a gay man and you just know it’s going to lead to dicks coming out… and then have him tell you that because your dick has been in a woman’s pussy, nope – we ain’t doing a damned thing? Yeah, it is but as in any of this, you learn to not let it bother you because, at the end of any day, it’s not your – my – fault that they have less of an understanding about the way things really are than you – I – do.

Or, like I told one very promising prospect, “If I didn’t like women and pussy, I wouldn’t be bisexual.”

Duh.

You probably don’t have any idea what it’s like to find yourself explaining to a woman – and a woman who sucks dick – why you like sucking dick just as much – or maybe more – than she does. Or, if you’re the kind of bi guy who loves being fucked, yeah – try explaining that to a woman who has spent most of her life being fucked… and then watching an incredible disconnect happen because they don’t understand why you like doing something that they like doing as well.

If I’ve wished anything, I’ve wished that people could get their heads out of their own asses about this, that they’d stop believing in the stuff they believe in and know that being bisexual is just as normal as being straight and gay is – and it is all normal. No – I’ve never wished that I wasn’t bisexual but I have wished that people weren’t so frustratingly weird about it. I know people who sleep with other people – with and/or without permission and are even into some seriously freaky shit that even I wouldn’t get into… and they think I’m the one who’s all fucked up in the head and as wrong as anyone can be.

Being bisexual doesn’t really cause me any problems that would make me wish I wasn’t. Sure, I’ve had my ups and downs but who among us hasn’t? I’ve been rejected, dissed, dumped, lost good friends, made some enemies, cussed out, prayed over, told that my mom should have swallowed (and the guy who said that to me found himself on the receiving end of a very bad beat-down – you don’t ever say shit like that about my mother); I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell, that I need to seek professional help to cure me of this problem I have seeing the real world and other such shit that, again, if anything, has had me wishing people wouldn’t be so… fucking weird about it.

I wish that when I’ve found myself having to explain this about myself that people would stop saying, “Yeah, but…” and indicating that they do understand the words that came out of my mouth – but now it’s about them, what they believe, what they wouldn’t do, how offended they are and other such reactions that tends to make me doing some confused blinking of my own. I even wish there weren’t any bi guys who’d look at the way I go about being bisexual and, strangely, think I’m doing it wrongly.

Say what? Sometimes I wish that guys who showed up late to the party wouldn’t even try to tell me about something I’ve been doing damned near all of my life and like they somehow, and in a relatively shorter period of time, know more about being a bi guy than I do. Let’s see… I’ve been like this since I was nine years old… and you’ve only been like this since you were, say, 35 and you’re only 40-something. You’ve had less experience with this than I have… but you somehow know and understand this better than I do and even when it’s clear that I was like this – and doing this – before you were even born and, in some cases, before your parents were born.

Nope – any wishes I have in this aren’t about myself. I wish that other bisexuals can find a way to be better about their bisexuality; I wish that people in general would have a better understanding of bisexuality and stop looking at bisexuals as the new red-headed stepchild.

“Do you ever wish that everyone was bisexual?” Yeah, I’ve been asked this question and my answer was – and still is – “Oh, hell, no!” I understand that not everyone can wrap their heads around this, that their belief in the way things are supposed to be cannot be supplanted. I’ll even go out of my way to discourage some folks who might be of a mind to check this out because I know, even if they don’t, how difficult it will be for them which leads to this question I’ve been asked:

“Should I check this out?” Well, why do you think you want or need to? See, it’s not the physical stuff that’s difficult; that’s actually the easy part. It’s the stuff that will go on inside your head that will make this so terribly hard to do and not because someone is incapable of putting things into perspective for themselves… but because of what the people around them are going to think about them and how they’re gonna react should they find out that, whoa – you mean to tell me you’re not straight. Are you gay? Wait – what do you mean you’re not gay? You wanna have sex with dudes, don’t you? Well, that means you’re gay!

No, it doesn’t. It never did. And I wish people could really understand that.

“Why would you want to have sex with a dude?”

Um, because it’s sex. And before it’s asked, no – I don’t have to – and sometimes don’t want to – be into a guy. Unashamedly, I’d love to have sex with women without having to be in a relationship with them because sex with women is, still, and forever will be a hell of a lot more fun. Do I think I’m going about this the wrong way because a guy’s looks doesn’t matter any more than the size – or lack thereof – of his dick? I wish some folks wouldn’t think like that…

But if wishes were horses, everyone could ride instead of walking. It makes no sense to me to wish I wasn’t bisexual. I am. I’ve always been this way. Even if I do nothing about it – and just because I can doesn’t mean I have to or I’m going to – I will always be bisexual because it’s never been just a thing to do to get my rocks off.

It’s a way to be, it’s a state of mind and a rather refreshing one since, as I said way back in the beginning of this, has freed me from many of the things that have so many other people trapped and being held prisoner and limiting their view of what it means to be human. There’s the way things are supposed to be… and I am one of many people who exhibit the fact that the way things are supposed to be just isn’t the way things really can be.

You know, if you dare to be different, dare to risk being treated like a pariah, if you dare to take your professed love of sex and intimacy to a not-so-very-different level and, yeah, you’re not overly concerned about what other people are gonna think about you should they, by chance or on purpose, find that you’re not as straight as they thought you were.

We had a saying back in the day: Don’t knock it until you try it. Truth is most people are scared to death to try it – and that, strangely, includes some folks who do want to try it. Another truth is, um, some people do try it… and a lot more than anyone could or would ever suspect. Truth is some people find it’s the shit – who knew it could be like that (Um, I did and I’m not the only one)? Truth is some people find that it’s not their cup of tea, too. Truth is a lot of people just know they wouldn’t like it but if you wanna have some fun at their expense, ask them how they know this and pay attention to what they’ll say.

And, for me, the truth is this: I won’t ever wish that I wasn’t bisexual because for me to do this would say that I cannot accept the truth about myself. I am forever bisexual. It’s the truth I’ve come to accept about myself. Truth is you either accept that this is a part of me and just like breathing is… or you don’t and if you don’t, oh, well, not a whole lot I can do about that. The truth is that people are bisexual if they want and even need to be and for any reason that makes sense to them… and the truth is that it doesn’t make sense for a whole lot of people even when you explain it to them.

I just wish more people would just be better about the way they look at any of this. I wish that men and women could understand that some of us, you know, us nasty-assed, greedy and confused bisexuals – have more in common with them than folks who are “just straight or gay” to put it that way. I just won’t wish that I wasn’t bisexual. Ever.

I also wish I can be the only winner in both a big Powerball and MegaMillions jackpot, too.

 
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Posted by on 14 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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