I see a lot of stuff about bisexuality in books, movies, and television along with lots of interest in what celebrities are coming out as bi and there’s a lot of focus and “riffing” about the lack of representation of bisexuality or not getting it right in some way or the other and it just makes me scratch my head because while I understand what those who are talking about things are saying, um, shouldn’t their attention be more on how they can be bisexual? I would think so, but that’s me.
“Classically,” I remember when Queen Latifah came out publicly as bisexual and while a lot of folks were losing their minds over this “unexpected revelation,” there were a lot of folks – including myself – who were saying, “We knew that already…” and, as such, her announcement was just her telling us what we already knew. As other celebrities started coming out and the media was having a field day wondering if they were really gay – or, if they came out as gay, implying that this was just some kind of publicity stunt and, indeed, there were a few celebs that came out who, I dunno, because they didn’t get a lot of media attention, turned around and said that, well, not all that bi but they’d had some gay sex.
The game I’m playing on my Xbox is… LGBTQ+ friendly and I had to give myself the “duh slap on the forehead” because I was so busy learning how to play the game that it took me a while to notice it… and beginning with one quest featuring… gay pirates. It’s not the first time this company produced a Borderlands game with a gay couple in it; Borderlands 3 has a male gay couple and one of them is in danger and I have to rescue them and, in this game, so they could get married and I got to “officiate” at their marriage… in a cave and after killing the boss in a very messy way. In this game, I thought it was cool that Gearbox did this.
And they did it again in Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands and with… gay pirates… and it took me a good “minute” to get the joke and then pay attention to some other stuff in the game, like in the “Mane Square” and the path that leads into the queen’s palace, it’s the rainbow LGBTQ+ colors. One of the “main” characters is a “guy” named “Paladin Mike”, but “his” voice is… female and is, indeed, voiced by a woman – and I made it a point to see who the voice actors were for this game after recognizing Will Arnett’s voice as the “Dragon Lord.” I recognized her voice because she voiced a female character in Borderlands 3. “Equal opportunity voicing.” Cool.
And I think that Gearbox doing this is cool. Still, it’s a video game. Gay pirates. I got it and, in real life, I wouldn’t doubt that any sailors in those days weren’t… getting busy with each other given how long they’d be at sea going from place to place so they could rape and pillage and, in some accounts, um, it wasn’t always the women being raped while the pillaging was taking place and… cabin boys. Hmm. The “running joke” that sailors in the US Navy were, um, gay pirates, too, minus the raping and pillaging but they, too, spent a lot of time at-sea and in a time when women weren’t allowed to serve on naval vessels. My youngest son served in the Navy and he’d tell me how tired he got of hearing about the gay thing but, like I said – it’s a long-running joke that just stuck with this branch of the service.
During one part of the quest to rescue the gay pirate’s partner, there’s a little ditty being played as the gay pirate is explaining some stuff about becoming living skeletons and a part of the lyrics of this ditty is, “Blow, me bony boys, blow…” and, yeah, okay, I got it and was laughing my ass off. Gay pirates. Blow, bony boys. But I didn’t “really” get it in terms of the LGBTQ+ connection until after playing the game multiple times via my multiple Xbox profiles and, mea culpa, but I was busy finding new ways not to get my ass shot off.
As the “fight” continues to get bisexuality recognized and accepted as being a real sexual orientation, part of the deal is… inclusion into the stories we read or watch, too. Just recently, my protege suggested I watch the flick about the Chippendales and the inclusion of bisexuality. I knew about the flick but wasn’t interested in it because… it’s not the kind of movie I’d watch because, um, I really don’t care how and why these famous guys came to be. I did mention to him that in the movies where I have seen bi guys in it, they… don’t get it quite right because they tend to “push” the biromantic aspects, which is fine… but not really since male bisexuality isn’t all about the romantic stuff; I kinda remember seeing another movie with a bi guy as a character and they had him running around and having sex with people willy-nilly and got his head handed to him because he wasn’t settling down with the supposed female love interest and I remember stopping looking at it… because they didn’t get it right – and as I understand this to mean. That the female love interest was demanding that he give up his sexual activities with men didn’t surprise me one bit because… that’s just how it goes in real life so, in a way, they got that part right.
There’s a guy who’s been bombing Twitter with the fact that he wrote a book about male bisexuals being real and I congratulate him for writing his book and getting it out there but… there have always been male bisexuals and, duh, they’re very real to me. I started to see how I could get my hands on the book so I can see what he had to say but decided not to… for now. I see… the need for societies to know that we are very damned real and that we’re really not gay nor are we predisposed to be romantic in our pursuit of cock and ass and, I dunn, like some people feel we should be. It’s at this point where I have to set my biases aside so I can “see” what’s going on and as objectively as possible. I still might buy his book if I really want to know about this take on male bisexuals being real. And thinking that I could write such a book but I might not sell a single copy because publishing censors aren’t going to like what such a book will contain as far as male sexuality goes – I’d tell it all and in graphic detail and sugar free and, well, yeah. It’s been suggested that I do write one and I know I can but I need… time to gather all of my thoughts about formatting and all that other writing stuff that, by the way, I should be doing on my blog… and I don’t.
And I know about the problems Larry Archer has getting his stuff published by Amazon et al. I don’t need that kind of stress and frustration on my mind and in my life.
But we are real. I have found it to be disturbing that we have to be told, in so many ways, that male bisexuals are real and the disbelief that we aren’t and the implication that if we think we are, we’re just on our way to being gay. And, oh, yeah, this is the only part of our sexuality that gets paid attention to. It disturbs me but not because of anything related to male bisexuality itself but how… mindfucked we’ve been made to be that we, on the whole, refuse to believe that male bisexuals are real and the whole really being gay thing when, in truth and in fact, we aren’t gay and we aren’t all that homoromantic as it’s often being said we are and in a bothersome general kind of way.
But I get it… kind of. We’d want society to accept that we, bisexuals, are very damned real and we are a part of things just like everyone else is and the argument for this isn’t all that different from the ones homosexuals were trying to get society to get on board with but this was about their right to be accepted and treated… like everyone else is since, duh, they’re living their lives just like everyone else is… except in a homosexual way. All that crap about bisexuals invoking a straight privilege is… crap since I know that I’m also straight in the way I go about The Big Three… and not all that straight because the homosexual part of the deal – and especially the sexual part – is something I do not have a problem with.
It has seemed to me that bisexuality is being shoved into the heteronormative way of doing things and I haven’t been sure if this is a good thing or not because bisexuality… breaks the heteronormative way of things because, again, it’s not all about love, romance, and relationships. It could be but to… generalize this aspect and as a way to validate bisexuality, well, hmm, I can’t see how that works. Early on in this great debate, it was being implied and said that if you could not be in a same-sex relationship, you’re not really bisexual and my first thought upon seeing this stuff was, “What does that have to do with anything?” Oh, that’s right: This is the way it’s supposed to be and especially if you’re going to have sex. There were a lot of people who were now second-guessing themselves and saying that, um, okay, maybe I’m not really bisexual because I can’t see myself in a same-sex relationship or the many men and women who said that they wouldn’t want to be in such a relationship.
In Borderlands 3, two of the characters were not only gay, but engaged to be married until “shit happened” and now I gotta save one of them so they could get married. The gay pirates in Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands didn’t get married but eventually – and in another quest – sail off to see what’s out there and it was so nice and romantic and so not the way these things really work – but it’s very much a part of the way things are supposed to be. Of course, I’d not say that getting into the romantic aspects is a bad thing, having been there myself but I also know that a lot of guys… just want the sex and, these days, in more of a relationship setting than in the casual way that’s been a part of male bisexuality and for as long as I’ve been bisexual. It’s like this:
Find a like-minded guy and agree to have sex. Do it and very NSA and maybe we’ll see each other again and maybe not. Let’s not commit to anything. Ah, but, if the dick was good and the guy is really okay, sure, um, if you want to do this on a more… regular but irregular way – and that means if we are together, we can have sex if conditions allow it – but irregularly because if this starts to look like a “loving relationship,” well, let’s not and say we did – why ruin a good thing like this? And some not understanding that this is a relationship even though it’s sexual and, perhaps, not understanding how having sex in this way could unlock some feelings that maybe wanted… and let’s not and say we did. Which is also why guys are having a very hard time finding an FWB because they are having a hard time finding another guy who also believes that the only allowable and supposedly safe sex is relationship sex.
My protege tends to lose his shit when an FWB starts getting… too clingy. Getting all weird because he has sex with other guys and getting weirder when he’s not of a mind to drop whatever he’s doing and give the FWB all of his attention and on demand and “hinting” at being exclusive. Sometimes being all passive-aggressive about him having sex with women. And he’s not the only guy I know who loses his shit over this behavior. I understand it and I tell my protege, “Well, that’s what you get for being good at what you do…” and that’s on top of the fact that my protege is a really decent guy. Well, until you start making demands on him about stuff that he’s not interested in. I’ve asked him at times if he could see himself having a boyfriend and having to be monogamous with him and he’s said that he can’t and I don’t dispute it because I know how he wants to go about things; he wants male friends that he can truly be friends with and do guy-stuff… and if sex is a part of things, okay… as long as it doesn’t start looking like a real-deal relationship.
And a lot of bi guys are like this but are being seen as “the bad guys” because relationship sex isn’t the way they want to get their rocks off with other guys. I see other bloggers doing book or other media reviews that is about or includes bisexuality and even they complain about how bisexuality isn’t being portrayed… the right way. That it’s more gay than bi in its presentation or we’re not all running around fucking people and fucking up lives, hopes, and dreams of those the character is interacting with because it’s not them being romantic and “like they’re supposed to be” and, no, not even resembling the reality of bisexuality and especially bisexuality in men, although I’ve seen stuff written by women who say that whatever they’re reviewing sometimes doesn’t get female bisexuality right.
Bisexuality isn’t about heteronormativity or homonormativity which, huh, is, to me, actually the same things as far as The Big Three are concerned – just in the same-sex way of things. Bisexuality… fucks all of this up because we embrace aspects of both mindsets but not really exclusively and in a “monogamous” kind of way but, then again, one of the knocks against bisexuality is that we can’t be monogamous which, um, defies the insistence that bisexuality isn’t real, doesn’t it? The reality of being male and bisexual is that we could be all romantic and everything if it suits our needs and purposes but not by some imagined default.
Could I be romantically involved with a guy? Sure. It happened before and it could happen again. Do I want to be romantically involved with a guy? Nope. I’m quite okay with just the two of us getting our dicks hard and making them soft and if we never see each other again, well, we won’t and, yeah, I know, sometimes when the dicks were deemed to be so good that coming back for more is warranted… as long as we don’t wind up being boyfriends because we don’t need to be in order to enjoy having sex with each other.
And I ‘don’t know’ why there are so many who believe that we have to be “boyfriends” to validate our sexuality and to legitimize having sex. Which is also why bi guys are seen as “the bad guy” because we do not conform to the straight and/or gay “models” all that much. A lot of bi guys prefer women for love, sex, and relationships and men… for sex. Some bi guys are of a mind that they’re doing it wrongly because they have no interest in the love and relationship part of things and, apparently, there are mediums out there who are kinda/sorta saying that if your reason and purpose of being bisexual isn’t about being able to have a loving relationship with a guy and like said guy would have with a woman, um, he might not be all that bisexual and…
I get that look on my face; rolling my eyes or shaking my head in great sadness over how we allow what we believe in to overshadow the reality of things. True social acceptance would be nice and if the only way bisexuality can be accepted is if it’s carried out in the relationship way, for some, this would be fantastic and for others… not even. I have thought that this is “all about” not committing the sin of fornication and one that I know I’m damned guilty of and that’s just with women! I’ve thought that, okay, I’m just imagining this but this has been going on and playing out for so long that I’m sure that I’m not imagining what I’ve been hearing and seeing from other bisexuals and that being in a monogamous relationship – and able to be in one whether it’s with a woman or a man – is the way to be bisexual.
And it isn’t. It never was. It goes back to what my parents were telling me about having sex with girls. Don’t have sex with someone (a girl) that you don’t care about or love and don’t have sex before you get married. Do you know what a “Tom Thumb wedding” is? It’s… “practice” for the day you really get married and, yeah, I’ve been “married” like this to a girl and whether we even liked each other or not but, I would one day think that it’s a way to “suggest” an arranged marriage since in order for one of these to jump off, the parents have to get together and agreed on making this take place and… I hated being picked for one of these things and especially if I didn’t like the girl or she didn’t like me and since we don’t like each other, why are we “getting married?” I’m supposed to kiss my bride – but now that we’re “married,” we can’t have sex with each other? What kind of crap is that?
Oh, that’s right: We’re not really married but we just went through the motions of getting married because this is the goal that we are supposed to set and reach because this is the way it’s supposed to be (and because God said so, by the way). And a lot of us were fornicating our horny asses off with girls… and boys, too. Like I told someone, “When girls had slumber parties, do you really believe that all they were doing was gossiping and other girl-like stuff? Really?” Well, girls would want you to believe that this was all they were doing before really going to sleep and they’d categorically deny anything else. Guys would, too, by the way, because I know for a fact that we didn’t just gossip and do guy-like stuff and then just go to sleep in every instance and occasion. We’d get to sleep… after wearing each other out having the sex we had no business having and even then, we might be friends… but we’re not going to be boyfriends.
And I would learn that among guys who weren’t gay, the “no boyfriend rule” was in effect… everywhere I went. Yeah, having a boyfriend was seen as being very gay and being gay was the thing not to be and more because of how everyone hated homosexuals and, okay, let’s not be like that and being the thing that people hate… and wants to get rid of and by any means they could get away with. For me, this is just how it was, but friends would and could “regularly” have sex with each other even if it was just a matter of convenience, but I like you… but I don’t like you that much, okay? Okay! Now that we have agreed that we’re not going to be boyfriends, let’s do it. And on to the next guy. Or girl. And if she wanted sex but didn’t want a boyfriend? Well, that kinda sucks but, okay, we can still do it. And knowing that unless we were “willing” to commit ourselves to a girl and the way she wanted us to? Ain’t getting any.
Which made getting with a guy… sensible. The option some guys chose when not able to get pussy and even if it was a repeated kind of thing, it would always fall short of being in a relationship and, more often than not, totally shut down if it started looking and feeling like one. We knew then – and in a basic kind of way – that you did not have to be in love with a guy and be boyfriends in order to just have sex. That, my friends, was… really gay and gay was the worst way to be. Didn’t mean that the gay guys were bad people and it wasn’t like they weren’t fun to have sex with but, yeah, some of them wanted us as a boyfriend and one that would not be allowed to have sex with anyone else and other shit that served to put someone on total lockdown in a relationship.
When the media, in any form, portrays bisexuality as a romantic thing, they’re not telling the truth of things but, I guess, it “works” because relationships – and relationship sex – is the way we’re supposed to be doing things and, welp, that’s not the way things really go and works and definitely not as a matter of course. It just isn’t but it’s the… nice way to show it. It is a way to let folks know that, yep, bisexuals are real, and this is the way they can be – all romantic and lovey-dovey – but throwing shade at the bisexuals who are running around and trying to have sex with “everyone.” Or portraying a character as being really confused about stuff, being clinically depressed and all that stuff that is real – but not the way all bisexuals are.
They tell the story the way they want to tell it even if it isn’t not the way things really are. I get it. Books and movies have to be approved for content and if those who are giving this approval don’t like what they’re seeing or reading, fix it to be seen or read in this way or in any way that someone might not find objectionable and offensive and that includes whatever biases the censors themselves may have… or told to have because it’s their job to impose some biases.
Which, again, is why I hesitate to even try to write the book I sometimes feel I must write. No one would want to publish it the way I’d write it and I would be told to “fix some stuff” and… not gonna do that because it wouldn’t be the truth of male bisexuality and as I’ve come to understand and learn about. I read a lot of books that have bisexuals and homosexuals and… they’re in relationships of some kind. The way it can be… but not the way it really can be and I know it because I live it each and every day and, okay, it does get attention because it has to get attention so people who are bisexual can be comfortable with it and not be fearful of being tarred and feathered for being bisexual… but the “high selling point” of bisexuality is still… casual, NSA sex, well, as far as guys go – women have their own thoughts about this and, yeah, sometimes, they don’t want the complications of a relationship either.
Let’s get together and be intimate with each other and whatever happens after that? We can talk about it… or not. It depends on some stuff. Guys would love to have a suck or fuck buddy because… it’s convenient. Once this is established, there is no need to go looking for some other guy. Gets kinda complicated with men who are married and looking for such a buddy because “true monogamy and exclusivity” kinda goes by the wayside since both guys are married and most people can’t… handle two relationships at the same time so being in a relationship with a guy, eh, yeah, let’s just be suck or fuck buddies and leave it at that and, for some and preferably, without someone getting into their feelings.
And, methinks, because they either don’t understand how powerful sex is… or they do know and they know how… messy things can get when feelings other than lust are brought to the party. We can be “regular” sex partners but not in a loving, relationship way and, yeah, not like we’d want with a woman.
I sit back and see these things and… so noted. Wondering what’s driving this… push for bisexuality to be relationship-based and seeing so many men and women who want it to be this way… and not even. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: Bisexuality does not conform to that which we deem to be normal as far as The Big Three goes but, shit, maybe it is just my imagination because it’s looking like bisexuality is being… made normal. Undertaken under the same rules that have governed our behaviors since they were written and issued. It can work like that… but the truth is that is doesn’t work like that, either, because some bisexuals… just want the intimacy of sex even if it’s casual and for whatever reason someone does not want to be in a same-sex and loving relationship because, um they don’t have to be if they don’t want to be and, yeah, fornication is a sin and who among us hasn’t committed this one at times in our lives and “felt bad” because it wasn’t done in some kind of relationship?
I… don’t know about this. Normalizing bisexuality under the current rules of engagement… doesn’t feel right but might be the only way bisexuality, at some high level of thought, can be socially accepted. If you’re bi and romantic and about being in one monogamous relationship, fine. And it works for some… and, yeah, really? Seriously? Why when one doesn’t have to go about things this way if it does not fit their purposes? There’s the rub and it’s always been… rubbing. “Larry” and I could meet in some way, hit it off, and find that we have bisexuality in common and, no, Larry Archer, I am not picking on you but, um, hmm, might be fun but I digress. If my hypothetical Larry and I have this in common, we could have sex; If my hypothecial Larry was curious about it, well, I know a little something about that if you want to talk about it. It could be a thing where Larry and I really get to know each other and to the extent that, hmm, if one of us brought up the possibility of having sex, well, it feels… right.
And, no, I can’t explain what that means but I know that it can happen. It’s not… being in love with Larry but it’s about the bond we have with each other and, yeah, um, at this point, I’d want to be intimate with him… if he was feeling the same way or if he brought it up, I wouldn’t be surprised or bothered by it since I’m already bisexual and not of a mind to mind it if my hypothetical Larry were to put this on the table. Is it romantic? Hell, no and it’s not likely to go like this but there is the potential to be romantic and in the way we understand these things. We might become lovers but not romantically so or, again, so inclined to be… each other’s boyfriend and then exclusively and “monogamously” so since it’s possible that my hypothetical Larry is just as married as I am and, well, now it gets really complicated.
We could have sex in that bro-job kind of way, you know, helping a brotha out and all that. That our friendship is, in my opinion, a relationship, well, that complies with the rules, right? Or, realistically, Hypothetical Larry and I could see each other across a room and there’s some sexual attraction going on and we come together, one of us puts an offer out there – after a lot of small talk and other potentially hilarious stuff and, okay, let’s go somewhere and do this. Chances are that I might not ever see him again unless we both agree that, hmm, it wouldn’t be all that bad if we did. I’ll call you. Whatever. Just the way it is. I had a great time – thanks!
Nothing romantic about any of this… but could have sexual overtones. Let’s just have sex and not complicate it any more than it’s already complicated since we’re having sex like we’re gay… but neither of us are.
But there are those who are of a mind that bisexuals have to be… just as romantically and relationally inclined in these things. And those who do… aren’t looking at this the “right way” or, perhaps, they don’t want to.