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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: More Gay Than Bi?

Good question and one I find myself asking a lot these days, not so much whether or not bi guys are “really” more gay than bi but why there are a lot of guys who seem to think that they are. I’ve written that there are a lot of people who only see one side of bisexuality – the homosexual side – and it makes a weird kind of sense given that we still think being gay is so unusual… and some of the people who have this kind of tunnel vision also happen to be bi guys.

One of the things that “bothers” them is the normal ebb and flow of their libido – how they don’t always feel like they need some dick and how it can make them insane because they want it so badly that not even pussy can make the craving go away. It seems to me that there are a lot of guys who are of a mind that the craving for dick should always be locked into the “On” position and no matter what and I think that because, in reality, that craving never really goes anywhere, it does get a lot of guys wondering if they’re really more gay than bi and because they’ve developed a bad case of dick on the brain.

Of course, this is something I know all too well and for obvious reasons and while I know that whatever I do with a guy is, hands down, very gay, I know that I’m not gay. However, in “general” discussion, bi guys do spend a lot of time talking about cock than they do pussy and, yeah, even I do because, well, pussy is something we know well but the dick thing? Just so utterly fascinating and even more to be able to see what guy’s have on their mind about it and if you were to be able to witness it, you’d probably swear that you stumbled into a conversation among gay men. However, on the forum, we do talk about pussy and women and how much fun it is to have sex with them or, yeah, wishing they’d be more amiable about giving it up to us and lamenting when our woman’s sex drive falls off the cliff and is lost forever to us… which eventually turns into why a lot of guys are heavily into getting some dick.

One of the things I’ve been thinking about lately is how gay men – and, perhaps, unknowingly – haven’t done us bi guys any favors by being the poster children for M2M interactions and, as such, a lot of bi guys behave like gay men, which I guess makes sense given how they’re the only real point of reference we have when it comes to this. Even Cityman and I have talked about this and how much male homosexuality has greatly influenced the male bisexual mindset, not that it’s really that bad of a thing and it’s not to speak poorly about gay men but, yeah: Bi guys are held to the same standards of behavior that gay guys are and it’s something that makes some guys struggle with their bisexuality and gets them questioning themselves as to whether they’re really gay or not.

I know that if there’s one fear a newbie bi guy has, it’s over being turned into a gay guy and specifically of the flaming variety and while such men proudly embrace their ability to, um, flame on, in the court of public opinion, nah, that’s not really a shining example of what we think masculinity should be and given the long-standing angst against any gay man, well, it’s easy to see how a bi guy could be very worried about him taking the plunge and instantly turning into a very effeminate gay man.

No – I am not joking about that at all, you know, in case you think I am. One of the things that makes this very real fear go away is the moment a guy girds his loins, has sex with a guy and then realizes that he’s still the same guy he was before the sex took place or, how ’bout that? He didn’t immediately turn into a very feminine gay dude! But here’s the thing I think gets to fucking with a guy’s head and plants the thought in his mind that he might be more gay than bi:

You do it once… and chances are very good you’re gonna want to do it again and the urge to dive back in can be very hard to resist. In the majority of times, you can see this when a guy sucks cock for the first time and he’s managed to be able to shove this particular… concern to the back of the bus and, as I’ve said a lot, gets them saying that it wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be and all that… but what the sentiment is really about is not only didn’t they get struck by lightning for their sin, it didn’t make them as gay as they thought it was going to. It’s really a huge load off of a guy’s mind to discover and prove to himself that he’s not one of those guys societies worldwide insist are the most vilest of human beings for being homosexual.

Having sex with a guy is pretty damned addictive and it does become a bit of a prime focus for a lot of guys. It’s not that they have anything against women or that, if they could get some pussy, they’re gonna turn it down or anything like that… but sex with a guy is just so exciting and different and, oh, yeah, very damned gay which is what a lot of guys kinda don’t want to be so, yeah, it’s not that difficult to see why and how a guy can, at some point, wonder if he’s really gay or if he’s more gay than he suspects himself to be. From where I’m sitting, it’s not unusual for guys, once they discover the joys of sex with a guy, to go bat-shit crazy over it; they can’t seem to get enough of it and even if/when they manage to rein themselves in, that very bad case of dick on the brain just never really goes anywhere; it’s either smack dab in their face or it moves to the background and just hangs out.

And do we not know that there are a lot of people who insist that bisexuality isn’t real and that it’s just a stopping off point on the road to full homosexuality? We do, don’t we? Us guys can have such a terrible case of dick on the brain that it really does get people thinking that we’re really gay and in denial of being so and, as such, totally and completely overlooking the fact that, uh, we still very much love women and pussy and the majority of us favor pussy over dick… but the dick is a close second. There are bi guys who do favor dick over pussy, which gets relegated to second place and because they do, some of them believe that they’re really more gay than bi. Driving this school of thought is our… inability to stop the way our brains process things in a binary mode – it’s either this or it’s that and while many are getting around to seeing how fluid and dynamic sexuality, on the whole, is, yeah – there’s still that prevailing thought that one is either straight or they’re gay… and when a bisexual has a bad case of dick on the brain, well, they must really be gay, right?

Nope. Now, some dudes do discover that they are really gay and that’s just how things can go from them. But as I said earlier, if you were to see what I see on a daily basis on the forum, you’d be convinced that there isn’t a bi guy anywhere among the membership… because all we talk about is men, dicks, and asses and our utter fascination and fear about these things. A guy sucks another guy off and it now becomes the most fascinating thing ever since he learned how to eat pussy. A guy who wondered what it was like to be fucked gets fucked… and now he’s over the moon about it and he just can’t get enough cock in his ass and more so when being fucked serves to wake up his inner girl and really puts him in touch with himself and in ways that being straight can’t do.

Are bi guys really gay guys in disguise? No, we aren’t… but there’s no escaping the perception and, like I said, gay men haven’t exactly done us any favors when it comes to this – and still no offense meant or implied. I’m kinda laughing to myself and thinking that if you’re a guy, you haven’t experienced something until you hear a very effeminate gay man tell you all about how he’s gonna make you forget pussy forever and you’ll never want to have sex with a woman again. Oh, they’re as serious as a heart attack about that… but it’s always given me a very bad case of the giggles; it’s not that I don’t know how good sex with a guy can be because I do… but to have a really gay guy telling you how he’s gonna rock your world and like no woman ever could? Hilarious and I do take them seriously but the fact that such a gay man has historically been known to strut their stuff and be all in your face about it, perhaps you can see why so many bi guys might have reason to wonder if they’re really more gay than bi.

Guys will ask if they’re really gay because they can’t get enough of sucking dick or being screwed and, well, whether they really are or not depends on some stuff but I happen to know that there are gay men who like pussy so, if you consider this, what does being gay really mean? Again, we are much more aware of the fluid state of sexuality… but it’s about focus and focus tends to be not all that fluid and if a guy finds himself fretting over the fact that he’s more focused on cock than he is pussy, well, guess what he’s gonna be thinking about himself?

It’s the reason bi guys tend to nitpick the living daylights out of being bi and many of them do so because they just do not ever want to be seen, accused, or be associated with truly gay men. Oh, my goodness; the psychology involved is so deliciously fascinating! So many people, when they think “bi guy” almost automatically think “gay guy” and, again, as if the other side of the bisexual coin doesn’t or can’t exist and the bad part is that there are a lot of bi guys who are buying into this fallacy. There’s a reason why so many guys – in particular – tend to pitch a bitch about being called or seen as bisexual and insist that the label has no place in our verbal lexicon and, yeah, many insist that they’re not the duck they’re quacking like because too many people, again, hear bi and think gay and the straight side of us gets overlooked and even ignored since, as everyone knows, gay men hate women and pussy and there’s no way on God’s green earth that a gay man could be convinced to have carnal knowledge with a woman…

Of course, they’re quite wrong about that but there’s no… “fun” in acknowledging this dirty little secret some gay folks have. It is not happenstance that the Kinsey scale goes from zero to six and that everything on that scale has been defined in terms of “the majority of times” or what a person is more likely to do first and foremost or, as I like to call it, one’s default behavior and, get this: We don’t ever give much thought about the fact that anyone who’s anywhere on the scale can change their minds about where they are, either “temporarily” or permanently.

Am I a gay man? Only when I’m having sex with a guy; otherwise, I’m not a gay man – I’m a straight guy who loves women and pussy like you wouldn’t believe. I was almost laughing myself silly to think that men, when we’re conceived, spend nine months inside of a woman’s body… and once we get evicted, we spend the rest our lives trying to get back into a woman’s body and as many times as we can. But some of us find that pussy ain’t the only thing that can deliver sexual satisfaction and instead of picking one over the other, shit, yeah – why not both? It’s just so… inconceivable that someone would want to have both which lends itself to that either/or mindset that is still prevalent and, you betcha – gets some guys wondering if they’re really more gay than bi and all because of which aspect can tend to “dominate” our thoughts and to the point that, for some guys, their love of cock is supposed to always be in the forefront of things when, really, that’s not how it works and not even in gay men – we just think it does.

It gets back to sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you just don’t but I understand the utter fascination with feeling like a nut and it’s better than not feeling like a nut. This whole thing can really fuck with a guy’s mind when they’re not feeling like a nut or they think they’re spending too much time feeling like a nut and to be spending a lot of time feeling and thinking like a nut, well, is he really more gay than bi?

I think not but it can feel like that because getting some dick is a lot of fun and satisfying in a great many ways… but so is getting some pussy. If there are bisexuals who are truly 50/50 about this and at all times, well, good for them but the fact of things is that bisexuals aren’t all that 50/50 about being bisexual because of the natural ebb and flow of their sexual desires and I’m of a mind that this is the aspect of bisexual fluidity that some of us just don’t understand about ourselves. The craving for dick isn’t as static as we think it is and as it appears to be in gay men; it literally comes and goes because, well, that’s the way it works and we really do have other things on our mind and things to do other than chasing down some guy and having a field day with his cock… but, boy, doesn’t that always sound like a good idea?

Yep, it sure does but it doesn’t imply gayness in a bisexual man; it’s really not a stopping point on the road to full male homosexuality even though, for some men, it can be and it is because being totally gay is what they find is the thing that works for them; otherwise, it’s one of the two ways a man can have sex, you know, if and when he wants to. I think that, at some point way down the road, the labels we use to describe and define human sexuality will go the way of the dodo bird; they’ll just lose their meaning because everyone will eventually get to understand that being able to enjoy the inherent fluidity of human sexuality doesn’t have any real stopping or resting points. Bi guys can appear to be more gay than bi because, again, playing with another guy’s cock is so fascinatingly addictive… but so is getting some pussy. Homosexuals – and for whatever reason they want and/or need to – have been known to to be all that homosexual and, yep, they can get their heads handed to them to get caught sneaking over to the bi side of things so it’s not bisexuals who catch a lot of shit about not being what they’re supposed to be.

We’ve let this being gay thing really fuck shit up and, again, maybe we’d be better off if the big three labels – straight, bi, and gay – just vacated the premises… but until they do, they will continue to make some folks who are bisexual wonder if they’re more homosexual than bisexual and because the homosexual side is being proven to be very sexually pleasing and exciting and, for some, just as much or even more than the heterosexual side is sexually pleasing and exciting…

And provide we can get rid of the hassles that exist to be able to have sex with anyone… and we ain’t there yet.

 
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Posted by on 20 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In Every Moment of Every Day…

…a man is either “discovering” bisexuality for the first time or returning to the fold. We see the emergence of so many male bisexuals as something extraordinary when – and as I said to Cityman last night when we were talking about this – it’s not all that new… but what is new is the access men now have to other men and it’s become a great deal more visible than any time I can remember.

In earlier days when bulletin boards and web forums were all the rage, my goodness; the number of men looking for other men was off the hook because the World Wide Web was making it possible for like-minded men to find each other… then advances in cellphone technology gave birth to smartphones apps that provided people the world over the means to reach out and touch someone and in some very carnal ways. And while “normal” dating apps were all the rage, the number of guys using apps to get with other guys was starting to exponentially grow.

I love Cityman’s enthusiasm over things M2M; he’s a true convert in that he, like a lot of guys, had his focus on chasing women and hoping to catch them but there were moments in his life where, um, boys being boys could have taken place but the moment passed until the day circumstances found him taking the plunge and discovering what a lot of men do in this:

It wasn’t as bad as he thought it was… and spending some time wondering why it didn’t happen before it actually did. While a lot of guys actually do choose to follow this particular sexual/sexuality path, some guys find themselves at that fork in the road when they didn’t expect to ever be there; it reminds me of something I read in one of my favorite books when one character told the “hero” of the story to choose a path before one gets chosen for him… and when it comes to male bisexuality, sometimes this path does get chosen for a guy.

We really don’t make a lot of fuss about boys being boys and in that rush of sexual awakening we call experimentation; that some of that seems to include checking other boys out is handled kinda weirdly. The usual admonishments are in place and handed out but since we know that boys are going to do this no matter what they’re told about not doing it, well, it’s kinda/sorta okay as long as no one gets hurt and it doesn’t become the only path they wind up walking on. It balances out – kinda – because not all young males get into experimenting – or, perhaps, ‘exploring’ is a better word – sexual intimacy with other young males but, okay, some of them do and, again, it’s “fine” as long as they don’t get too carried away with it, give it up, and do what they’re supposed to do: Chase girls and hope they can catch them.

It’s incorrectly called a phase but I can understand why it is because it always seems to happen to young males and almost at the same time in their growth; they enter into it, do some experimenting/exploring, then get out of it and life goes on… or so we like to think. I’ve long since been of a mind that society pays so much attention to boys being boys in this that they don’t quite realize that we kinda don’t ever stop being boys in this. Some of us do as required and leave this part behind us; some of us never walk away from it… and, as I’ve said a whole lot of times, some guys are late to the party… and it seems to generate a lot of curiosity when there are a lot of guys who are really late to the party and they don’t set foot on the M2M path until very much later in life – they find themselves at that fork in the road when in their fifties and even sixties.

On the forum, this… phenomenon has a lot of guys asking whether it’s normal or natural for guys, once they reach a certain age, to become, um, fans of dick and after almost a lifetime of being heterosexual and the answer, truth, and even reality is that it is fairly normal but perhaps we tend to not think it is because older people are very well known to get set in their ways and not being of a mind to do a lot of changing; we just don’t ever seem to consider that a fifty-year-old heterosexual guy wouldn’t or couldn’t find reason to not be so heterosexual. I could get into all of the reasons why this tends to happen but I’m going to do my best not to go there…

But I will attempt to shine a light on the mystery of how so many late – and very late – to the party guys just somehow know that now is their time to find out what it’s like to be sexually intimate with another guy… and I think (but can’t really prove) that it’s something that we kinda don’t really grow out of and as we’re expected to do. I know that a lot of guys not only know that men have sex with men, they go out of their way to avoid it and for all of the obvious and well-known reasons but then, one day, visions of cocks and male asses are floating around in their minds and while some guys are more than capable of ignoring them, yeah – some guys have their attention captured and now it’s time for boys to be boys.

The interesting thing is that a lot of these guys are often dumbfounded to find themselves on this path while others tend to admit that they’d been heading in this direction for a period of time and now they’ve just stopped resisting the pull they’ve been feeling. I have to include one of the reasons at this point because, uh, it has to be included: Guys who have been married for a very long time often find themselves on the path and out of necessity – and that’s all I’m going to say about it. One of the things I find interesting is how we seem to all just go with the “fact” that when a man gets older, his libido just packs its bags and gets in the wind and the truth is that it can do just that… and it doesn’t go anywhere. We talk about a guy’s sexual peak which is strangely around twenty years old and it’s all downhill after that but it doesn’t quite match up with the many men who say that the older they get, the hornier they are and even more so when they were at the generally accepted peak.

And their focus can be on men and, again, when it wasn’t so much or at all. We find it to be so… weird that a guy can live his life the way he’s supposed to be doing it but it then becomes so… logical that getting some dick and in whatever way they can just makes sense while, often, not making a whole lot of sense. I’ve even heard it said that some men get into dick due to entering that “middle age crisis” thing we hear about and there’s some truth to this but what I’ve found to really be happening albeit mysteriously is that even when some boys weren’t being boys, the possibility has been encoded somewhere in the male genome and almost like a programming condition that crudely says, “If you’re not getting any pussy, then get some dick; else, masturbate until the well really does run dry.”

What messes this up is that it seems that this… coding exception can go active even if a guy is getting pussy or, as the title of this says, in every moment of every day, there is a guy either taking the plunge for the very first time or he’s returning to the days when he was one of those boys being a boy and in that prohibited way. It must be stated and noted that the exception doesn’t go active in every guy… or maybe it does and the ability to ignore it or “shut it down” is still at work but it remains and appears to be true that for a lot of guys, it does go active and whether they do something about it or not.

Some guys do absolutely nothing… but what we’re seeing is there are a whole lot of men who are looking to do something and they’re getting it done and it all seems like a humongous explosion that kicked off “out of nowhere” when, again, nah, it really isn’t: It’s just one that is now a lot more visible than it has ever been and it’s still boys being boys and in that prohibited way. Again, I love Cityman’s enthusiasm about this and his position that, at the very least, guys should get with other guys to suck each other’s cock and if things need to go beyond this, well, why not? He asked if there was any… virtue in not having sex with another guy and for many, there is no virtue or even value in it at all…

But in every moment of every day, there’s a guy discovering that it just makes sense for them and I don’t think that virtue, as we understand it, has anything to do with it. I even tend to agree with Cityman’s assessment that men would be “better together” if we were all to embrace making each other’s dicks very hard and making them soft again – hell, he just might be right about that but it also stands to reason that the ongoing stigma and “unholy” nature of this isn’t going to make that a reality in anyone’s current lifetime… but it’s also not stopping a whole lot of guys from walking this path either and for whatever reason they have for being on it.

It reminds me of something an “older” guy once said to me when we were talking about why he decided that becoming a cock sucker was, for him, a great idea; he had said, “I figured, what the hell – I’ve done everything else that can be done sexually so why not give this a try?” Yeah… for some guys? It’s really that simple of a conclusion to reach but it remains true that for some guys, eh, making that transition isn’t that easy since they find themselves having to – wait for it – unlearn everything they’ve been taught and what they know so that they can learn how to be comfortable having some kind of sex with another male.

For many, being on the path opens other doors inside of them that have remained closed and for as long as they’ve been closed and locked and, namely and a bit crudely, they want to be the girl and to be able to experience sex and intimacy in the “same way” they’ve expressed themselves with women. They find great comfort in “submissively” sucking cock without any reciprocation and, yes, being fucked and inseminated; they not only want to act the part, some even want to dress the part or, in a funny way, they’ve put themselves on the path to be able to be very in touch with their feminine side. Some are now able to understand deeper and truer meanings about attraction and redefining what being in some kind of relationship means and, yeah, sometimes, it’s just a guy taking the restraints off of his need and desires for sex because, after all, there’s nothing too much wrong about being able to bust a nut and when you can do it with someone else, that just works… even if the other person is just as male as they are, well, at least physically.

There is really and seriously nothing new going on here; we’re just seeing it more than we’ve ever been able to see it. And lest we forget, in every moment of every day, girls are being girls and with the one “difference” is that the ladies are taking it “to the streets” and letting anyone who cares to listen that if they wanna be bisexual, they are damned well gonna be bisexual and if you don’t like it, fuck you – and not in a good way. Societies are panicking over the perceived loss of morality and feeling some kind of way as the burgeoning number of emerging bisexuals continue to hack away at religious dogma when, as some experts are saying, what we’re really seeing is humans being the way humans were “meant” to be and by that I mean not being tied down and shackled to one singular way to be sexual and intimate and some even insist that the rules that suppress us were created to stop us from doing what we’d been doing all along… and because it’s always been in our nature.

If you’re one of the many people who says, “I’d never do some shit like that! There’s no reason to and it’s immoral!” and all of that, that’s fine; just know that a lot of people have said that and meant it… and guess where they are today? On the path they said they’d never set foot upon and not only because they need to but because it makes sense for them to be where they said they’d never be. If you’re one of those many people who say that you tried it, didn’t like, not ever going there again, that’s fine, too; just know that a lot of people have said that and mean it… and do you wanna guess where they are today?

Not straight… but not gay. Both and neither in any exclusive way. In the middle of things, as it were. Having their cake and eating the hell out of it, too, and “simply” because they can, they want to, and they need to and, oh, yeah, not even being ashamed of being the way they are even though there’s a lot of shaming being attempted. But it’s always been this way; we’re just seeing it more than it’s ever been seen before. We talk and fuss about bisexuals being invisible and giving them all kinds of shit about being on the down-low in this but you almost have to question our collective sanity about what they’re raising hell about if bisexuality really doesn’t exist or it’s not as real as, well, it really is. It must be real and it sure as fuck isn’t invisible unless we really are totally and completely insane.

And in every moment of every day, someone is discovering – or rediscovering – the reality of things and that human sexuality is as wide open as it’s been said to be because it always has been. One doesn’t have to set foot on the path but it can never, ever be discounted that there are people who do just that and if you really want to know why they did, well, you’re gonna have to ask them because there’s really no one-size-fits-all reason for it outside of it really being an integral part of the human condition.

Allow me to be blunt about it. We pitch all kinds of bitches about cocks being sucked and asses being fucked by those who aren’t supposed to be doing those things… and, yeah, pussies being licked and fingered under the same premises and still along the lines and mindset about how this ain’t the way shit is supposed to be and none of what’s being said against it has done a damned thing to stop or prevent it from happening in every moment of every day. I am seriously not joking when I say that as you read this, there’s a guy tasting dick for the first time or the first time in a long time; there’s a woman in the same situation and even if for the “simple” reason that there must be something about it because if there really wasn’t, no one would be doing it.

No one. I got a private message on the forum from a guy who says he’s been married for fifty years and despite being married to such a wonderful – if not sexless – woman, he’d very much like to connect with me so we can give each other blowjobs until one or both of us passes out and that, for him, this is a “recent” discovery and one that he, too, is unable to really explain in a sensible way. I could, if I wanted to, open my M2M app and be presented with a slew of men from every walk of life and from 18 to 80 who are looking for other guys they can have sex with; some are long time practioners and some are new to the party, late to the party (and really late) and even returning to it after a long absence…

In every moment of each and every day, someone is finding out the truth of the human condition and for whatever reason that makes sense for them to be on this particular path; they are learning – or remembering – that their reasons for being on the path only has to make sense to them and to others who are of the same mind as they are. Cityman says that all guys should experience what it’s like to suck a dick and/or to be fucked and creamed… and I don’t necessarily disagree with him but I know I’m very biased in that direction and it’s not that men aren’t keen to experience is… but it is that there are a whole lot of guys doing just that even if we don’t or can’t “see” them doing it but the number of men partaking can’t be ignored and, yeah, you can only see them if you’re looking for them.

Cityman, to quote him directly, called it a “mega trend” and I said to him – and I’m quoting myself, “Not becoming a mega trend… it’s always been one but today, there’s so much easy visibility and access and like never before.” I know this and I’m not the only one who does and, yeah, being an OG bisexual from back in the day has given me the perfect spot to stand on to be able to see that this ain’t as trendy as one might think. Calling it a trend only serves to not do it any justice, just as calling it a phase does; what we are seeing is the human condition being more exposed and we do have the Internet to thank for the greater exposure and accessibility in this.

Why? Because we can walk this path if we want to. Some don’t and won’t. Bravo and brava for them. Nothing really wrong or unusual here… but there’s nothing wrong or unusual going on when, in every moment of every day, someone is finding out what the “big deal” is about this bisexual thing or they’re reacquainting themselves with it and for whatever reason makes sense for them to do so. For many, the party never stopped; some have found their way back to the party and some are late or really late to the party and it could very well be because we were supposed to be in the party to begin with until the powers that be decided that we shouldn’t be and promised hell and damnation for anyone who didn’t do as they said.

Yeah – how’d that really work for them? Yes, indeed: One should choose a path before one gets chosen for them but it’s not outside of the realm of possibility for someone choose their path… then find that they need to be on another path and, yeah, some are of a mind that they have no other viable choice than to take the path our morality says we shouldn’t and, here lately, insists that it doesn’t really exist or, stupidly, it’s only a shortcut to being totally homosexual.

In every moment of every day and it’s always been this way; we are just seeing it like never before.

 
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Posted by on 19 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Attraction

I wish I could show you the pic I saw that prompted this scribble. I could show it… but I’d wind up in WordPress jail so I’ll describe it to you:

Two “young” and fits white males, one kinda lounging at the edge of the pool while the other is in the pool and his mouth is scant inches from the other guy’s erection and with one hand holding it steady. The caption for this pic said something along the lines of this is what they liked to do when there were no parents around for the whole weekend.

My first thought was, “Yep, if you’re gonna blow your friend (or get blown), being able to do it without the risk of getting caught at it just works!”

My next thought was actually me remembering a question I’ve heard and have been asked a lot: “Why is sucking a dick so damned attractive? What makes a guy who ain’t even like that “suddenly” decide that doing this is the greatest idea he ever though of?” Which was followed almost immediately with the thought of, “I really can’t explain it…”

Now my mind is off and running and I was thinking about how guys, whether during friendly jesting or being pissed off with each other, would either tell someone to kiss their ass… or to suck their dick… but mostly to suck their dick. Once upon a time, it was a rather stinging thing to say to another guy if you were pissed with him or just one of the many ways to yank your boy’s chain and then both of you are laughing about it… but one of the things I learned is that sometimes, when and in the friendly mode, your boy says, “Aw, man, suck my dick!” he’s really asking or inviting you to suck his dick but in a way that doesn’t sound like a request or invitation.

I figured out a way to find out if the guy who uttered that well-used phrase was trying to be funny or not; depending on the guy and whatever I might have been picking up on him – if anything – I’d sometimes fire back, “You offering?” or something along those lines; sometimes they’d respond in some way that wasn’t being offended – usually stumbling through an attempted comeback and in a way that would tell me that, nah, they’re not really offering and it was a shame that they weren’t. But there were a lot of times when the guy would ask, “Are you serious?” and if I said that I was – and sometimes I was very damned serious – let’s say that 7 out of 10 times, dicks would get sucked.

Even I, in my youthful debauchery, often wondered why putting your mouth on a guy’s cock and/or having his mouth on yours was so damned attractive and more so when, in a lot of situations, it was an insult to tell a guy to suck your dick and backed by the implication that you had to be some kind of faggot or queer which, all by itself, was a greater insult. It wasn’t that a lot of guys would genuinely be insulted having that phrase thrown at them and it wasn’t that it was always that way to do some chain-yanking but it would often be a kind of backhanded way to let the other guy know that, um, you know, if you wanted to suck my dick, I wouldn’t be mad at you.

Even as a topic of male gossiping, most of the guys I hung around with spent as much time talking about cock sucking as they did fucking girls and whenever I found myself having a more… private conversation with some guys, I learned to not be surprised that they had a reason to want to know what it was like to be sucked by a guy and to do some sucking and in a lot of situations, they were surprised that the thought popped into their head to begin with and there were times when I’d be just as surprised as they were.

One guy did actually ask, “Can you tell me why I find the thought of sucking a dick so damned attractive and exciting?” and… I couldn’t even though, you know, being a cock sucker from way back, I knew what was attractive and exciting about it and I’d wind up saying the one thing I kinda didn’t like saying: “I don’t know – it just is.” I’d eventually get around to getting glimpses of the attraction and one of the things about it was, yeah, guys had no business doing that unless they were faggots or sissies and while it was generally accepted to be true, what it didn’t explain was why and how guys who weren’t faggots or sissies (and other derogatory terms) were so fucking interested in dicks going into mouths and bringing on that creamy finish.

I’d eventually conclude that it really was more of a “guy thing” than many people really believed it to be. Experimentation and all that was a given but in that weird way that said it was both okay and not okay at all but I’d guessed that since adults knew that boys would be… boys, it was just “easier” to let them get it out of their system rather than to waste time kicking their asses over something that they were gonna try anyway.

Those of you who suck cock knows what it’s like; ya know what you like about it as well as what you don’t like. It’s sensual, intimate and, I think, a lot more personal than fucking as well as something that requires a modicum of skill, not just in being able to provide a good experience but it can be a matter of personal pride because I don’t know anyone who’d want to be known as being lousy at sucking dick… or eating pussy, but that’s for another scribble.

You grow up doing it and, duh, it’s so very different from being much older and being very much aware of how things are supposed to be but also being aware that guys do suck each other’s dicks and, forever and ever, it’s just a thing that gay men do… but then a guy becomes… aware that the attraction about sucking dick isn’t really a totally gay guy thing. I could get into all that latent bisexuality stuff but I’m not going to for this scribble but, yeah, how it can become so horribly attractive to a guy who, chances are, never had a single thought about it just escapes me when it comes to being able to point to one or two definitive things that would explain why it is…

Other than it feels good to do it and feels good to have it done – and whether a guy is “into guys like that” or they’re just horny and in need of some immediate relief and jerking themselves off, while fun, isn’t enough. I really do wish I could explain it without making myself sound even more… idiotic than I probably am right now. I know this… I can’t explain it. There’s something insanely exciting to have your mouth hovering over a guy’s dick and having that thought that this ain’t supposed to be happening but it’s getting ready to happen. The feel of that spongy head going into your mouth then your tongue playing with it, tasting and feeling before engaging his shaft and let the sucking begin. I’ve written about oral fixation being something that very much plays into this but as you work your mouth and tongue all over his cock, yeah… doesn’t get too much better than that unless/until his mouth is on your cock.

It is so attractive that it’s all a lot of guys do and while it’s usually done mutually, it’s just one of those things that, for some guys, all they want to do is give and they don’t have any thought or desire about receiving… and I know exactly why… and can’t explain it although, in this particular situation, a lot of guys talk about how much they want to please the other guy and that’s all well and good and I do understand about the mood killer I wrote about a few days ago being a part of this.

It engages all of your senses and it’s the thing that’s both easy to do and not so much and depending on some stuff but, again, there’s not much that compares to the heady and even sinful delight of sucking and licking a guy’s cock and knowing what’s going to happen at some point; he’s gonna cum and while there’s always that “what are you gonna do when he does” thing to consider, even I’ve learned that when you can use your mouth to entice a guy to lose his load, it is one hell of a ego trip; it feels… powerful and I think it blurs the lines where who is having the most fun goes. I’ve even likened it to a battle of wills; he’s trying to hold off from cumming for as long as he can while knowing that he’s gonna lose at some point while, being the cock sucker, you’re trying to make him do it while also trying to prolong your enjoyment of having a hard cock in your mouth.

It winds up being a win/win for both guys. Let’s just skip over the fact that some guys make sucking their dick more difficult than it has to be and especially those guys who thinks that once they get their cock into your mouth, they’re the ones who are in control. And while there are guys who really do love being face-fucked and gagged and all that, I’ve been of a mind that there are a lot of guys who aren’t fans of that because it takes away from the art of cock sucking and, yeah: I don’t know about other guys but I find it hard to focus on the pleasures of it when I’m struggling to breathe and/or trying not to choke on my own saliva.

It can be a chore and it is too much like hard work but none of that detracts from the attraction and sheer fascination of cock sucking. When we get into the why of it, there are so many reasons that can be listed but the frustrating part is, again and forever, not being able to adequately explain why, for a lot of guys, the first thing they want to experience with another guy is cock sucking. Is there some kind of logic at work? Could be. Some “weird” kind of natural and normal thing in play? Most likely. While a lot of guys want to know what it’s like to fuck another guy and be fucked, it’s quite a distant second to guys wanting to know – and experience – what it’s like to have a dick in their mouth and getting that first taste of another guy’s sperm and/or having a guy’s mouth on them and, holy shit – I’m gonna cum and it’s a guy who’s making me about to this!

Attractive as anything I can think of and it can be so awfully satisfying that a lot of guys say that they become addicted to sucking dick. A lot of guys find that once you suck your first cock, it gets even crazier because it’s something that you just can’t get enough of doing and I know that they’re right about that… and I’ll be damned if I can explain it in any way that’s even close to being sensible.

It just is. For guys like me, the only thing better than sucking a dick is eating pussy and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that guys who are fiends for eating pussy are also fiends for sucking cock – they’re a lot more related than one might think. It’s easy to say that for a lot of guys, there’s “always” that curiosity about doing something guys aren’t supposed to do but, again, we know that they do and while there are a great many guys who obey the rules and never go there, there are even more guys who, for whatever reason makes sense to them, has to find out what it’s like to suck cock and be sucked by a guy. It fucks with our heads to the point where many of us believe that it’s different from when a woman does it, well, until they find out that it really isn’t all that different.

It remains the first M2M experience for guys and even for those guys who start with mutual masturbation, even I’ve wondered what makes a guy go from pulling on another guy’s prick – and it’s supposed to be the only thing to happen – to that overpowering urge to close your mouth around it and work it over until he cums… and you do. I get that blowing a guy – and being blown by a guy – is still considered to be “too gay” for a lot of male sensibilities but even that doesn’t explain the compulsion to stop spanking his monkey and replacing hand with mouth and tongue… or wishing that he’d stop “playing around” and just suck it.

It just is and I find myself being relegated to saying that it is attractive and all that because it’s supposed to be… because nothing I’ve been able to think of comes close to explaining any of this. There’s a reason why so many men, after their very first experience, say that it felt normal and natural for the two of them to suck on each other’s pricks… because it is even when the rules says it isn’t.

Methinks the rules are wrong and I’m not the only cock sucker who has come – and the pun is definitely and most certainly intended – to this rather obvious conclusion. Yeah… you mention cock sucking to a lot of people and their reaction just might be, “Ew – that’s nasty!” and I’m convinced that it’s so fucking attractive and alluring because it is nasty and forbidden.

Cityman asked me (a long time ago now) why and how a guy who has never given a single thought to having oral sex with another guy feels so compelled to do it… and I don’t really know why despite having a lot of plausible things I’ve learned along the way. I just know that it happens; I know it is both utterly and horribly fascinating and about the most eye-opening, mind-blowing (no pun this time) thing a lot of guys discover and as evidenced by the many times I’ve personally heard a guy say, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!”

Um, ya thought that because it really isn’t as bad as it’s said to be. Some guys take to it like ducks to water and some guys just don’t and that, to, is what it’s always been. Cityman is of a mind that guys would get along with each other so much better if we all spent as much time as possible sucking on each other’s dick and causing the sperm to flow… and he might be right about that. It was once a very unmanly thing to do and now? There are those who insist that if you don’t suck cock and/or allow a guy to pleasure you with his mouth and tongue, well, something’s wrong with you and you’re not a “real man.” I think that in this context, what it really means that a “real man” isn’t going to be afraid to do something that men, over all of our existence, are told to never do…

And something we’ve been doing just the same. Attractive. Exciting. Really is better to give and receive and quite addictive and oh, so satisfying. These days, I like to say that any guy can fuck another guy… but cock sucking requires skill and technique and is, again, more of a matter of personal pride than being able to take a dick in the ass or to put a dick in said ass… and a lot more intimate and personal. Why?

Still don’t know and I’ve been trying to figure it out for damned near all of my life. I just know it is and there are a lot of guys who are finding out what I’ve always known.

 
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Posted by on 17 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Mood Killer

Mother Nature or, perhaps, evolution, is a nasty, conniving, biatch when it comes to men; we have this hard to ignore imperative to, politely, sow our seed and that just feels so damned good but then after the seed has been sown or otherwise spilled…

Yuck. Any thoughts about continuing to have sex just gets wiped the fuck out and giving too much credence to the saying about the mind being willing but the flesh is weak and now we’ve got this great urge to take a nice long nap or just go find something – anything – to do that has nothing to do with having more sex for an indeterminant amount of time.

I offer this as Exhibit A:

See the source image

The Resolution Stage is Mom Nature’s dirty little trick that gets played on, well, everyone but men in particular and for many of us, that “decrease in arousal occurs after orgasm” part is grossly understated and, given some stuff I’ve actually experienced, isn’t entirely accurate since men can experience orgasm without ejaculation but, sure, both things really happen when we ejaculate. It’s like Mom Nature encoded into our DNA, “Okay, my man – you’ve done your job and sowed those seeds… now you’re done so take a nap or whatever.”

And the really messed up part? That resolution stage, sometimes, doesn’t take us out of the game or, sometimes, it can take anywhere from mere minutes to even longer periods of time – days and sometimes even weeks – before we cycle back around to the desire and arousal stages. I can remember the first time I “fell victim” to this cycle and how hyped I had been before and during sex but when I came, wait – what the fuck just happened? See, in my mind, I had plans to keep it going until the girl was “begging for mercy” or some other imaginative “macho” nonsense but once that intense wave of indescribable pleasure started to ebb, shit – I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was and any thoughts I had about hanging around for seconds went missing. The good thing was that I did hang around for seconds… and thirds but that’s not the point:

What happened? How did I go from being all into the sex, cum, and now I really want to join the French Foreign Legion or something like that? I dug into it; not just because I needed to know what the hell was going on but, yeah, it’s kinda fucked up when you cum and lose everything and the person you’re having sex with is wondering why you’re not keeping it going (and especially women) and learned about the diagram above and thought, “Well, shit…”

But it wasn’t enough to know about the cycle; no, I had to know what was really going on behind the scenes and that when I learned about the biochemical processes that are in play when the cycle begins and, well, how about that? When you ejaculate, you literally run out of gas! Well, shit! It explained a lot of stuff that made sense but, yeah, I was wishing didn’t work the way it did. In later years, I’d read something that revealed that the Japanese called having a orgasm, “the little death” because, yeah – you ejaculate and it can feel like that and I even read that when a man ejaculates, he can physically present with almost all of the symptoms of having a major heart attack.

Well, shit, shit, and even more shit! While guys get… conditioned to make sex last as long as humanly possible, I was realizing that the unspoken reason was that we knew – or we’d eventually learn, that once we cum, just stick a fork in us… in the majority of times, I’d say. Didn’t much matter if our partner was asking or waiting for more and, at least in some part of our mind, we wanna give them more but, shit; no matter how much you wanna keep it going or immediately do it again, your body ain’t feeling any of it and I’ve seen it written that in men, it’s almost impossible to immediately have sex again… but provided there’s not something else going on that manages to short-out that phase or, at best, minimize it. Sometimes it is mind over matter because you and your partner do mind and it sure as fuck does matter.

I thought, “Well, now I know what’s going on… but what can a guy do about it?” Not a whole lot, as it turns out even though, again, we can learn to do some stuff with our partner until the cycle kicks in again or, shit, it just doesn’t. I even learned that the resolution phase (aka the refractory period) is responsible for any feelings of guilt and more so because depleting our stockpile of “gas” plays hell with our blood chemistry and affects our brains, too, because it was flooded with all that nice feel-good stuff… and now it’s gone. Out of gas. Do not pass Go, do not even hope to get it up again any time soon. Take a nap. Go watch paint dry. Sorry, baby…

I’ve said it time and time again: There are a lot of guys who don’t know about this; they are just stuck on stupid because they do not know why, after they cum, their desire for sex just ups and vacates the premises and why they might feel very shitty to boot. They ask if there’s anything that can prevent this… theft and, well, no – not really although I’d eventually learned that there are some medications that have an interesting side effect – delayed ejaculation and even somehow bypassing the effects of running out of gas. There’s even the… misconception that Viagra and other medications are not only supposed to make one horny, it’s supposed to be able to keep a guy going strong and, well, that’s not quite the way it works. Viagra and its cohorts doesn’t induce desire but increases one’s supply of nitrous oxide which is needed for us to get a boner – it just has its own not so interesting side effect that, um, might not allow us to get soft after cumming and you really don’t wanna know what’s gonna happen if you’re one of those guys who will get and erection and it hangs around for those four hours. It just doesn’t make one horny and it doesn’t really do much about that whole running out of gas thing one’s body is still going to experience.

It is the bane of the male sexual existence and, again, Mom Nature isn’t beyond fucking with us by making this period… inconsistent; sometimes it just kills the shit out of us and sometimes it doesn’t but, yeah – by and large? Guy ejaculates and in his mind he’s not really done but his body is and among us bi guys, there’s so much “hate” aimed that those guys who do the much-disliked blow and go thing; dicks get suck and the guy who cums first can literally vanish like smoke on the wind because his whole body is telling him that, dude, you’re done – time to go and you can’t get going fast enough. Guys take this as being offensive and inconsiderate and more so if they haven’t busted a nut. There are a lot of guys who, when having sex with another guy, will tell him to not even look at his dick, let alone do anything that’s going to make him cum because he knows that when he does, stick a fork in him and game over man, game over.

Why don’t guys know this? Because no one tells us about it; it’s just “okay” to say that it’s just one of those things that happens and one of those things that, historically, gets us into a world of hurt having sex with women – and don’t kid yourself into thinking that women are immune from this cycle because they aren’t – they just have a higher threshold and many benefit from having a slower arousal period but, yeah – when they have the really big O, you can stick a fork in them, too, and if you were to really pay attention to a woman when she’s orgasming, you might even see when the resolution stage makes her run out of gas… and now she’s lying there fervently wishing you’d hurry the fuck up and cum so she can go clean the toilet… or anything else that isn’t her having sex. Sure, there’s the whole basking in the afterglow thing that’s really nice and comforting but, um, if one or both of them wind up nodding off, well, now you know why.

What’s even funnier – and I think because Mother Nature teams up with Mr. Murphy – is that sometimes you don’t even notice that you’re in the resolution phase or you’re pretty sure what your version of it is and, again, it doesn’t happen that way and it kinda begs the question of whether or not the desire phase is more mental than physical… or maybe it’s “simply” a matter of having more of the good stuff that even after the resolution stage, there’s still enough gas in the tank to keep it going.

The exact mechanism is something that’s actually very well known but because it can be so very different in a person – and from one time to the next time – well, yeah… it can make things interesting… or not so much. The main thing is that men tend to “suffer” more in this stage, not because there’s something wrong with us but because we were “designed” to have this fuck with us and in the way it does. Literally, we have one job: Sow our seed and once we do our job, that’s all folks… for now, anyway. It is possible to fight through this very annoying stage and some of us are good at it and some of us just aren’t and we’re even quite inconsistent. And we don’t have to make that creamy deposit inside somebody to be subjected to the resolution phase and as any guy who has ever beat his meat has found out; jerk off, edge, whatever, but once the nut gets busted, well, you know.

Even in this, a guy can jerk off a few times before his body calls it quits, say, today… but tomorrow? One and done and that very shitty feeling is just so very shitty. It’s not because they don’t want to get themselves off again… they can’t unless they can somehow trick their body into the desire and arousal stages again… and sometimes they can and yeah, sometimes, good luck with that one.

What I find interesting is that a lot of guys don’t seem to really notice this… until they have sex with another guy and I’m not sure why this works in this way. I mean, yeah, I’ve noticed it pretty much all of my life and no matter who I’m having sex with and even if I’m happily spanking the monkey and, well, you just kinda “get used to it” and you feel it but not pay that much attention to it but, somehow, when it’s guy on guy, it just seems to be more pronounced or, perhaps, it’s a thing of a guy somehow thinking that being with a guy cancels the resolution stage out of the equation – I really don’t know but what I do know is that a lot of bi guys are not fans of what the resolution stage does to them or the guy they’re having sex with.

It really does confuse them and speaks to that thing I’ve mentioned a few times: It’s not what we know that makes this problematic – it’s what we don’t know and what we don’t know about how our bodies work. Some guys seem to not know why they can be rock-hard one moment and, oops – no more wood and now they’re thinking that there’s something seriously wrong with them when, um, there really isn’t… but there’s that whole overstimulation thing that can happen and it sometimes doesn’t take a whole lot for that to happen and sometimes, something just “distracts” us enough to put a kink in the arousal stage.

The resolution stage is a serious mood killer and there’s really not a whole lot we can do about it. As much as we’d prefer it not to happen, it has to happen and it’s “simply” a result of us doing that one job we have: Deliver the sperm and once you deliver it, game over and literally thanks for coming and we’ll see you next time… and whenever that might be. One of the things I found that works for me is a nice big, ice cold glass of orange juice and I reasoned that it works because oranges have the kind of sugar that brains just love so it gets “reenergized” and that – maybe – keeps the cycle going or shortens it… or something like that and, nope, it doesn’t always work but it still tastes pretty good and is refreshing just the same.

Sex for us would be so much better without that damned resolution stage killing the shit out of the mood…

 
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Posted by on 13 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Getting to the Heart of the Matter

Now that I’m done coasting, Cityman and I had another of our interesting conversations about being male and bisexual and the many perceptions we have about this. As we chatted, I was also thinking along the lines of what bisexuality isn’t: It’s not about race, color, or creed; it’s not some kind of political statement or agenda; it’s not even about gender so much…

But it is about just being human. I was telling him about a video clip I’d seen on Tumblr some time ago that showed two, ah, stereotypical white “gay” men; the one guy was “all masculine” and all that and with a body that was chiseled out of the finest marble and his partner, who was in the process of being impaled on the equally stereotypical big, fat, dick was slim but not without some chiseling of his own but not so marble-like. Anyway, anyone who might see such a clip would probably ask themselves, “Why would a guy want to be fucked?” and it’s a legit question… but only because we have always held true that it ain’t ever supposed to happen in the first place.

It’s been said that men who engage in such things are either totally out of control of their libido or, yep, they’re impossibly gay and, well, that’s what gay men do and even to the point that we often – and erroneously so – assume that there’s always some affection and relationship-related stuff going on but the truth of the matter is that, uh, that’s not always the case. I mentioned to Cityman that if you just looked at what was happening – but not really paying that much attention to the participants, what you really see is a very visceral and primal sexual behavior and one that doesn’t involve females and, duh, like it’s supposed to.

Some folks ask why two guys have to have sex with each other and the real reason is… because they can and, duh, they want to. The why of it is always about the individual and what they’re thinking and feeling but it’s just too much of a hassle to be able to totally get down to this level of detail. Cityman had sent me a link to his, um, favorite kind of M2M porn which had on display two Black males with the “expected” big dicks. The… skinner of the two was giving head like a champ while the more chiseled and masculine guy was clearly enjoying the efforts and, in typical porn fashion, Mr. Chiseled speared Mr. Not So Chiseled in the butt and eventually made quite a mess of things.

Cityman had said that he noticed that he tended to focus more on the guy or guys doing the fucking… but not so much on the guy or guys being fucked and I allowed that we can tend to view something like this and sometimes think that the guy doing the boning isn’t really “as gay” as the guy being boned “obviously” is. While we’re paying attention to this… abomination, what we don’t see is the flaw in our collective thinking about sex: There are, indeed, men who want and need to be fucked and if you really wanna know why, well, you’d have to ask the guy; likewise, if you wanted to know why in all that’s holy a guy would want to stick his dick into another guy’s ass, you’d have to ask him, too, for the specifics while, if possible, not glossing over the fact that men have been doing this to each other for who really knows how long.

Just days before, I sent Cityman a pic I’d found on Tumblr with two stereotypical white guys and the one guy with the really big cock had it aimed at the skinny guy’s butt and the visual was one that is pretty much guaranteed to make anyone who saw it say, “Ouch – that’s gonna hurt going in!” The visual probably would, indeed, make one question why those guys thought it would be a great idea to get all that dick in that ass and the answer that’s at the heart of the matter is because they both thought and felt that it would be one hell of a good idea.

The thing is that you don’t have to be gay to be on either side of this forbidden equation: You just gotta have your own reasons why experiencing sex like this is what floats your boat. We continually seem to keep overlooking the fact that as nasty as it is, it’s still sex and we try to take the… sharp edges off of it by associating things to it that may or may not be involved, like being into guys like that or having romantic interests… and kinda discounting that it feels good to fuck someone… and it feels good to be fucked. To that end, we can get all into the concepts of prostate stimulation and that’s some real stuff but what isn’t so easily seen and understood is the emotional impact and what it means… and a part of that meaning that can be a tough pill to swallow.

These days, guys who are bottoms go on and on about being bred as well as referring to their backsides as man-pussies, boi-pussies, and other such things and things that, being as literal minded as I tend to be, makes me roll my eyes because, duh, guys don’t have pussies and men cannot be inseminated and bred like women can. At best, I’m of a mind that it’s… easier to think in this way to “justify” having a hard cock in your butt and that it feels good – and more so when it’s not supposed to and, sigh, guys aren’t supposed to do that in the first damned place.

At the heart of the matter, it is very much about sex and it’s not always about the guy who initiates it and thinking he’s got some kind of problem because he likes using his cock on other men… and men who are quite okay with that, not because they, too, are some kind of weirdo or even gay but simply because it feels good. I mentioned to Cityman that I’ve felt that M2M sex has been… contaminated by male homosexuality since any or all of this are things they do as a matter of course so any bi guy “has to be” just as homosexual… and that’s just not the truth of things and even more so when there are aspects of gay sex that not all bisexual men engage in or are even thinking about.

Do you really believe that all bi guys do everything that gay men are known to do… and do you really believe that all gay men do them? At the heart of the matter, people tend to have sex in the ways that works for them and stay away from those things that don’t work and whether it’s been proven not to work or they just don’t think it will. It’s about being horny as fuck but, again, what gets lost – and at the heart of the matter – is that it just feels good to have sex and because it’s supposed to feel good and the whole boy/girl only thing just ain’t the only way to experience those good feelings.

Because of the way we tend to look at sex – how it’s supposed to be, who is involved, shit like that – we just keep looking away from the heart of the matter – we’re hard-wired to have sex even in that reproductive way and we evolved into a form where having sex – any kind of sex – doesn’t always have to involve reproduction since all those nice buttons tend to get pushed just the same. We’ve been made to be ashamed about our very human predilection for sex so, sure – when you know of two guys who enjoy having sex with each other, wow – that’s some seriously fucked up shit when, truthfully and at the heart of the matter, uh, um, it really isn’t and even if you’d choose to chalk it up to human ingenuity to have figured out that, again, the boy/girl way ain’t the only way to take care of those physical and emotional needs.

Nah… as always, I’d never say that “everyone” should get into having sex like this but I will always say that, like it or not, people do and, duh, men ain’t the only ones – we’re just the ones who tend to get more attention in these thing. We do come up with all kinds of reasons for why Mr. Chiseled has his cock buried in Mr. Not So Chiseled’s backside and reason that, again, just gloss over the fact that it can not only be done but, yeah – some guys just like it like that and, sometimes, for no other reason that it makes them feel the way the want to feel and that’s usually… pretty damned good.

Yep… we kinda don’t make much of a fuss about women who enjoy making love to and with other women and we’re even of a mind that if the women in question are also getting their share of dick, well, that’s okay but still, I think, glossing over the heart of the matter which has always been that it feels good when someone can bring you to orgasm and just as much as it feels good to entice someone to orgasm… and for no other reason that it’s supposed to feel good and it still feels good even if reproduction isn’t involved.

As such, we see bisexuality in men and women as being two entirely different things when, in fact, it never was different other than who is doing what to whom and there’s even some logic behind it (and if you can call it that) that says if a guy and a gal can get together and do sexual things to each other to produce those delicious feelings, um anyone can do a lot of those same things and if that someone isn’t equipped for a certain aspect in this, well, weren’t we imaginative and creative enough to invent something that is more than capable of substituting for the male penis in form if not in true function?

Yeah… we did that and it was so successful that, these days, men have their own substitutes and designed for male physiology at that. Doesn’t mean that it’s immoral or anything like that but, at the heart of the matter, it’s all about what gets you off and what makes you feel good – and feel good about yourself and anything that’s contrary to this is just us making excuses for being human and sexual critters.

What makes bisexuality in anyone a “problem” is that it completely trashes everything we think is true about sex – formerly boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl even though, yeah, we still have our panties in a bunch and get our titties all twisted about those last two things so it “makes sense” that it doesn’t make sense for someone to be all of the above. I mean, really: Why fuck a guy in the ass when there are so many women who are specifically designed to be fucked? Because not only can it be done but it feels good to do it. Why let a guy fuck you in the ass when you’re a guy? Same reasons and we even figured out how women can fuck us and, yeah – doesn’t that just make it all so much better?

It does… if you really understand what’s at the heart of the matter. It transcends race and all that other stuff; it just absents itself from political points of view and it can be good and satisfying with or without emotional and/or romantic attachments being in the mix and gender, well, shit, you know how I feel about that one and more so when it stands to reason that a guy who believes himself to be female – and even makes those physical changes to himself, can be just as bisexual as anyone else can be.

As always and as I tend to do and say, if you think this is a bunch of bullshit I made up, um, ask yourself why you think it’s bullshit and more so if you’re of a mind to say, “Yeah, but…” Also at the heart of the matter, what you think or know to be “the truth” isn’t the truth: It never was the truth of human sex and sexuality… but we’ve been condition to not believe the truth and to stay very far away from the heart of the matter and, yeah, some of us really can’t handle the truth and I seriously thank whoever wrote that line for that scene in “A Few Good Men” for coming up with hit. I recently heard that there’s no such thing as the truth and that it’s all about who you’re going to believe and I kinda agree with that and not so much because there are some truths that just speak for themselves and one of them is that humans love sex and we’ve proven that we can do it in a lot of ways… and ways that are morally prohibited… and the prohibition might keep some people in the “right lane” but they sure as fuck haven’t kept everyone from discovering the heart of the matter in this.

It feels good; it makes us feel good; if it’s anything, it’s mind over matter and if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter and, yeah, in this, the ends can justify the means and for many, deliciously and sinfully so, you know, if you’re of a mind that it’s sinful to begin with and if you do, take a moment and, again, ask yourself why it is.

Right at the heart of the matter is… being human and us humans do love our sex, don’t we? None of the… bullshit we come up with to justify having sex only serves to detract and get us looking away from what’s at the heart of all of this: Our humanity and our biological makeup that evolution has “programmed” so that sex is weirdly enjoyable even when reproduction isn’t the only reason why we love our sex so much. It’s boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl and, damned right: All of the above. Always has been and always will be.

 
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Posted by on 12 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Coasting

It’s what my mind is doing right about now, not thinking about anything in particular about men and bisexuality but just… coasting. Two thoughts did kinda slide on through: The first was that I’m dedicated to talking about male bisexuality without the application of a lot of what I call psychobabble and using terms like cis-male and overly emphasizing gender as a key feature or requirement to bisexuality.

While I understand gender identity, I’m just not convinced that it has anything to do with bisexuality; there’s sex (not sex-sex) and then there’s gender and while the two things used to meld nicely, changes in how people perceive themselves has appeared and the gender binary that served us well for eons is being questioned, disputed, and in some corners, believed that it shouldn’t exist.

Yeah, okay… still doesn’t appear to have any real connection to bisexuality and I’m locking that one in.

The second thing that hustled through the grey matter was that while I do what I can to make male bisexuality as understandable as possible, I still take the stance that I’d never say, suggest, or imply that all guys should be bisexual because I know that it doesn’t work well for some guys, from the morality of it all to actually being able to do any or all of that M2M stuff.

Sho’ ‘nuf… if a guy thinks he is and he can, then by all means – give it a try and at least twice; once to prove that you can do it and again to make sure the first time wasn’t a fluke or, really, to confirm or prove that you can do it like this or you just can’t. Still, my mind was (and still is, kinda) in neutral and just hovering in place and “looking around” to take in all the changes I’ve noticed and experienced in the dynamic with some of them being good and with some of them still being deeply shrouded in mystery even though it’s very well known that men do have sex – and otherwise be intimate – with other men.

I took another sip of my mug of coffee and kinda grimaced a little because I short-changed myself on the sugar a little – it happens. My mind is coasting, just peeking here and there at stuff about this and took a long look (about four eye-blinks worth of time) at how guys look at the sex today and as opposed to how we looked at it when I came along and the sucking and fucking stuff has always been at the center of M2M sex… just with a lot more “kinkiness” than ever before or, perhaps, it’s always been in the mix and had been going unseen and unspoken about.

My mind coasted forward to the blogs I’ve written where women stood up and, among other things, demanded that us guys get in touch with our feminine side and, hoo boy – some guys are seriously in touch and letting their inner girl come out to play and as much as they can. It brought the thought to mind (about six eye-blinks worth) that men have always had the very bad rep of being emotionally closed off but guys who are bisexual, well, they’re not as closed off since being bisexual does put us in touch with emotions that the traditional gender role of being male says we shouldn’t ever let anyone know about and that showing them is a major sign of being weak and, yep, not being all that manly at all.

“If those people who decided on this is how we’re supposed to be had any idea how much manliness it really takes to have sex with another man, those “man rules” might have been written differently…” was the thought that had me nodding to myself and I also thought that if there’s been on gigantic change in the dynamic, it’s that a guy giving another guy a blow job and/or getting dicked down is no longer being seen as being less than manly. So much talk and other shit being said about “real men” and what they do and don’t do and while I think a lot of it is just macho blustering, I tend to agree that it takes being quite manly to be bold and brave enough to engage in something that historically has been forbidden and making men subject to great ridicule and ire.

I sighed, took another sip from my mug, and sighed again as my mind floated over the ongoing angst along with the stereotypes, misinformation, and misconceptions that still exists but, from my perspective, hasn’t changed so much except those things used to apply only to gay men but have now been a really tired-ass way to carpet-bomb bisexual men. Three more blinks, another sip of coffee, and the thought faded away with my inner voice saying, “People can still be so clueless about the real nature of things…”

As I opened this new scribble, I’d seen the blog I recently wrote asking if this is just about the sex and my mind echoed something I’d written in that blog: It is… and it isn’t but, yeah, the sex can be exciting and satisfying and not so much… but sex itself has always been like that, hasn’t it? Society seems to only look at the part where guys are blowing each other’s brains out and pounding the living daylights out of each other’s asses… but they don’t see the emotions that are a part of it all and the emotions that may or may not have anything to do with lust or our hard-wired need to, ah, sow our seed.

It’s not so much that we’ve gotten in touch with our feminine side as it is that being bisexual gets us in touch with ourselves more than anything else; it brings a certain understanding of self that can be both comforting and disturbing since, you know, we’re not supposed to feel these things for other guys and we’re still so emotionally closed off to begin with. It’s not about literally feeling or having love for our fellow man… it’s that… thing we understand about ourselves and pretty much everything else once a guy decides to not only cross that line but to straddle it. And while there are many of us who aren’t able to give voice to those emotions, we do find ways to express them and sex has always been the ultimate form of expression.

A couple of eye blink and a chuckle to think about all of the women who insisted – and still insists – that we should not express our feelings via sex when humans have always been in that situation where if I can’t tell you how I feel about you, hmm – let’s get naked and I can definitely show you how I feel and whether it’s just lust or anything more than that and given that very few people tend to have sex with someone they just do not give a flying fuck about in any way or, “I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the only other person left on earth and I needed to in order to save my life… or yours.”

Men have been able to be more in touch with their emotions and those that don’t involve lust so much. In the past, there was no need for us to be into each other – and with some (but not all) gay men being the exception; hell, we don’t really have to be very close friends – we just have to be able to come to an agreement that we both wouldn’t mind if some sex was to take place between us and if that’s the first and only time, it’s not that big of a deal. Today, it is a very big deal for a lot of bi guys and because they’re more in touch with their emotions and they are more than willing to put them out there for someone to see and experience. I just find it interesting that a lot of guys are going about this “new emotional expression” in very similar ways that women have always gone about it, from dating to some very specific stuff about when you’re gonna be able to get some of this.

A sigh. Two blinks. A very wry smile – one more sip of the coffee that I’m now convinced that I should have put just a tad bit more sugar in. My mind took a moment to look at something Cityman had asked me one day: Don’t you think that women would be more… grateful to have the pressure on them to have sex taken off of them because guys are putting that pressure on each other? I had said that one would think they would be and some of them are quite okay not to have all that pressure put on them… but many still get pretty pissy about it and the funny thing is that some of those very pissy women are also bisexual.

That particular double standard just will not go the fuck away; it’s like it remains persistent just to keep a very wide and unnecessary abyss between men and women while continuing to blind us to the commonality bi guys have with women and one that, at least in theory, should be closing the gap… but continues to widen it. Not all bi guys are bi because it creates this special form of commonality but at some point, it’s not that hard to see the commonality or, as I’ve said many times, we know about men like they know about men from the good things to the very fucked up things.

We know what it’s like to be lied to or otherwise deceived; we know what it feels like to find out that the guy who said he only has the best of intentions toward us had nothing but bad intentions and, yeah, we know what it feels like to be used as a guy’s cum dump and not being cared about in any way and especially not doing anything to make the sex good for us or even caring that they didn’t… and then to be told that even when we’ve given him the best we can do, he’ll tell us that we ain’t shit. In this, we can most definitely relate but it’s still too much like two ships passing in the night and the twain ain’t even close to meeting and, perhaps, as much as it needs to start coming together (and, no, it ain’t even a pun).

And for some of us, it’s pretty damned shitty that women are rightfully standing up for their right to be bisexual… while men who are trying to stand up for the same right are being ignored and shat upon. I’m here to tell you that you probably have no idea what it’s like to have a woman tell you that she’s well within her rights to be intimate with other women but, being a guy, well, you’re the lowest of the low.

Two big sighs and quite a few and slow eye blinks and feeling the frown on my face. Male bisexuality isn’t anything new; it’s just something that has found its way into the light and there doesn’t seem to be too many folks who are aware of how men are thinking and feeling about it… but they are aware of what we’re doing about it and, as such, are content to believe that blowing and fucking each other is all there is to and about it… and it really isn’t… but, yeah, I’m not gonna lie and say that the sex ain’t fun… but sometimes it isn’t.

Make no mistake about this aspect: The sex is all but implied by mandate and while a lot of bi guys avoid the sex – either they don’t really need it or, yeah, they’re scared shitless to have it – guys are out there sucking and fucking each other whether it’s out of lust or because of more emotional aspects because they’re much more in touch with themselves and being quite real about themselves. We do kinda bicker amongst ourselves about the way it’s supposed to be; we’ve divided our ranks so that there are tops and bottoms and it’s something that I’ve found to be curious given that I know what it takes for a guy to get out of the heterosexual box and into the bisexual one… but then they seem to dedicate themselves to being stuck in another box that, well, they don’t have to be stuck in it but in their view of their own sexuality, it’s just the box they wanna be in.

An even deeper sigh to think about how a lot of bi guys allow their preferences to, basically, make sure they’re not going to get any dick and how instant gratification tends to lend itself to a lot of guys riding the pine… instead of riding a dick, you know, if that’s what they want and need to do. I understand it but I also understand that while everyone has preferences – and even I do – that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to set them aside when they need to be set aside and many just don’t seem to grasp the concept or notion that if they’re not getting the M2M action they crave, their preferences that they hold tightly onto is the reason why they’re not getting any.

Before I came here to write this, I read a forum post from a guy who, like other guys, was very concerned about catching something nasty while wanting very much to give in to his need to suck dick. It’s no longer “unusual” that guys are very worried about this aspect but, c’mon, man – there’s some common sense shit that goes with it: If you have any doubts, there are two things you can do – put a condom on the dick or just leave it the fuck alone. Then, as expected, there’s always that one guy who will say something… stupid like, um, where genital herpes is concerned, any part of the dick that’s outside of the condom can possible transmit the virus and, okay, while that’s technically true, um, I dunno, maybe it’s just me but there doesn’t seem to make sense to put a condom on the dick and then come in contact with any part that’s not all wrapped up. And, also as expected, there were other comments that didn’t have anything to do with what the OP was writing and asking about.

If there’s a real problem with male bisexuality, it is that a lot of guys would rather go with their own opinions and perception rather than to find out the facts of the matter – and then not put their own spin on thing or otherwise interpret the facts of the matter in any way other than how they were presented. It really does make me roll my eyes to know – not think – that a guy will bury his face in a woman’s pussy and not give it a second thought… but when it comes to sucking a dick? Bluntly, just scared shitless about something that is preventable or, yeah – that’s what condoms are for.

It’s not that the risks aren’t real… because they’ve always been real and no matter how you have sex or who you’re having it with and, yes, sir: If you pays your money, you takes your chances. Sex has always been inherently risky but, damned right, it sure the fuck is worth the risks and since there are ways to minimize the risks, well, there shouldn’t be a whole lot of panicking and outright fear that’s being displayed in the here and now… and there is much and great fear and the kind that just overrides common sense. Either put a rubber on that dick or walk away from it – just walk the fuck away.

Some of these guys actually believe that having an exclusive FWB makes the sex risk-free… and I don’t know why they believe this when it doesn’t and simply because you have no idea where his dick (or his ass) has been when he’s not with you. My mind is still coasting in neutral but can’t help looking at an aspect of this that makes being male and bisexual harder than it has to be and, yeah, it never used to be that hard because it isn’t that hard… but current thinking just moves toward overcomplicating things and then making it appear that the overcomplications are warranted and that the worst case scenario is always going to present itself and even in the way that there are really some guys who are convinced that if they even wrap their hand around a guy’s naked cock, that’ll be enough to infect him with every STI/STI known to man and including HIV/AIDS I and II.

No sighing but a lot of rapid blinking because to some, this might sound like I’m trying to be funny or overstating things… and I’m not – you just can’t make this shit up and more so when I’ve heard guys say this and they sure as hell believe that it’s true and nothing you’re going to tell them is going to change their minds and any factual proof will be summarily ignored.

Big-assed sigh as I come to the close of this and prepare to engage my metaphorical clutch and shift out of neutral and stop coasting… for now. Being male and bisexual just ain’t the no-brainer some people think it is; we are both slaves to our libidos and not really because we do think and feel in these things and we’re able to do this because being bisexual pretty much demands that we think and feel and in ways that, prior to discovery, we may not have literally been of a mind to. It is what you think it is… and it’s also not what you think it is. Yep… there is always the sex and it’s gonna be all that and not even close to that but, still, there’s much more to it than that – it’s just the part that everyone seems to pay the most attention to and to the point where it makes a lot of people overlook or not pay attention to the fact that bi guys aren’t gay guys since, um, we still have this thing about and for women and pussy and, yeah, that’s always been a kind of love/hate relationship thing.

I remain the bi guy who not only thinks of these things, I’ll share them with anyone who cares to read them. If there are a lot of problems with male bisexuality, it remains true that it’s not what we know that is problematic: It’s what we don’t know and, worse, don’t even bother to learn that which we don’t know.

And that’s the real danger and the thing that makes me say that ignorance isn’t bliss, silence isn’t all that golden and it’s real and possible that what you don’t know can hurt you… and it just might kill you or otherwise just fuck you up in some very unpleasant ways. You don’t ever have to believe me and a lot of people don’t and they just don’t give a fuck since this bisexuality thing has nothing to do with them… but they wind up singing a different song when it – and out of the clear blue sky – suddenly has everything to do with them or even someone they know and maybe even love.

I’m no world-renown expert on the subject… but I do know some stuff about it; been there, done almost all of it, own so many T-shirts that I could give a lot of them away and still have too many of them. No bragging – just the facts of things that I know what I know and, yep, I don’t have a problem sharing what I know, what I’ve learned, and what I’m seeing and then trying to make sense of it since, uh, you know, I do happen to be a bi guy myself.

 
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Posted by on 11 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Guys Don’t Know

This is something I’ve gotten out of my head before and something that bears repeating: I am often amazed or downright stupefied to see how much guys don’t know about being a guy and how things work for them both physically and emotionally.

One of the topics that tends to keep popping up on the forum is how a guy’s desires can run hot and cold or, yeah – sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. I often get the impression that some guys believe or even expect that once they get hooked on dick – and in whatever way they do – that they will always have that desire making the blood boil and their cocks diamond hard… and it just doesn’t work like that. Some guys actually think that there’s something wrong with them when they don’t feel like being bothered with dick and I will tell them that, no – there’s nothing wrong with you.

In regards to bisexuality, the word “fluid” gets tossed around a lot but tends to stop at what I’d say is the obvious thing: Bisexuality is a fluid state between full heterosexuality (Kinsey 0 or K0) and full homosexuality (Kinsey 6 or K6)… but what gets lost in the discussion is the sure and certain fact that regardless of sexuality, our thoughts and feelings are even more fluid and literally from one moment to the next – they are always both fluid and in flux but I think – and because it’s just something we get used to as we grow up – it’s something that we kinda/sorta don’t pay a lot of attention to and how our feelings are working gets lost in the background, as it were.

And I do wonder why so many guys don’t seem to know this. I often think that guys don’t always grasp the concept or notion that bisexuality isn’t just a thing to do – it’s a way to be and I think that some guys aren’t able to integrate bisexuality into the rest of who they are. Nope – it’s really not that simple or easy to do and it took me quite a few years to figure this one out myself and especially when I had those moments when I’d wonder where my craving for cock disappeared to. Oh, wait – it actually didn’t go anywhere; I just didn’t feel like it but here’s the kicker:

I didn’t feel like it, say, now… but as quickly as a second or so later, yeah – I needs me some dick! And then, two seconds later, nah, not really… then ten seconds later, I wonder if that guy over there would let me suck him off? No, wait – I need some pussy! No, eh, that would be nice but…

All it took was to see how I could be all over the place and at any given moment to see how much in flux my desires were… and then to understand that there was nothing I could do about it other than not make myself insane trying to figure out why they weren’t doing shit the way I wanted them to. They weren’t behaving the way I wanted them to… because they’re not supposed to – it just doesn’t work like that in anyone. Oh, okay, well, that can be a bummer but it is what it is.

That craving for cock is… understandable; once you find it to your liking, you just can’t get enough of it and even I’d admit that to expect that craving to be persistent, at least in the early goings, is okay right up until that moment when it goes away because, simply, it’s not the way you’re feeling… but you could be feeling like that literally at any time going forward and literally at the speed of thought. Some guys have expressed concern over the fact that they can want to get laid, get them some pussy… but they’re still very much craving dick; it’s not that the pussy wasn’t good but it just wasn’t what they were craving – and the reverse of this seems to baffle a lot of bi guys…

And it makes me wonder why they don’t know this about themselves because this is part of the ebb and flow of things that everyone experiences throughout the entirety of their lives. How can they not recognize that, in their bisexuality, it’s not all about what they think – it’s how they’re feeling? Being able to actually get the dick one might be craving is a whole different thing, of course, but that doesn’t have much to do with the rather normal ebb and flow of our desires – or anything else for that matter. Okay… I’m one of those people who tends to pay attention to what’s going on inside my head… because that’s just the way I am and I’m very much in touch with my feelings and since I learned how to do it, yeah – you really don’t wanna know – or can imagine – how much that whole pussy, dick, or both thing goes through my mind and feelings at any given moment and even when I’m sleeping.

Some guy’s craving for dick “takes a break” and it can make them start questioning whether they’re really as bisexual as they believe themselves to be… and when they talk about it, it really does make me roll my eyes and ask myself, “Why do you not know this about yourself?” – then tell them that they’re still as bisexual as they known themselves to be but, yeah – sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. It seems to me that they somehow don’t understand that from the moment they wake up and their consciousness takes over, there are all kinds of shit going on in their head and even as their subconscious hops into the back seat and continues to do whatever the hell it’s doing that we’re not really aware of unless it reaches our consciousness which then gets to work on it.

The thing is that the craving for cock really doesn’t go anywhere but one’s mind tends to… prioritize things and, often, without us knowing about it. I can think that, hmm, getting some dick would be right nice about now… but my thoughts and feelings have other ideas and based on whatever it happens to be working on. It can be delayed… or just kinda turned off and makes me think that, yeah, I’d love some dick right about now but… I really want and need another cup of coffee or I gotta do this, that, or the other or what I’d really like is some pussy if I can get some but until that happens, there’s this, that, and a whole lot of the other that’s not only affecting what I’m thinking but what I’m feeling.

When I figured this shit out, I was dumbfounded by it; I found myself having a very bad case of dick on the brain one moment… and not so much the next moment – was there something wrong with me? Turns out that there wasn’t and while the actually explanation isn’t easy to put into words, it serves the purpose to understand that this is just how shit works in this… and pretty much everything else associated with being alive. Who knew? I sure didn’t… but I do now.

Men are… funny creatures. We have the very bad rep of being slaves to our libido and women, in particular, firmly believe that we shouldn’t be and some don’t wanna accept that we are biologically hard-wired like this – we want, crave, and need sex and there’s really not a whole lot we can do about it other than try to keep it in check as best we can. We do – and for those of us who do – get very bad cases of pussy on the brain and it can be very damned distracting until we get some… and sometimes, pussy is the last thing we want to be dealing with. Ah, but homey is bisexual and now having a bad case of dick on the brain gets included and it, too, can be distracting as all get out until we can get the dick the way we want it… and we don’t even want to be bothered with it.

It literally switches on and off and as quickly as fast as the speed of thought… or it can switch and stay on for days… or switch off for days and even longer and even as much as we think it should always be switched on, it just doesn’t work like that. It never did even when the only thing on the menu was/is pussy. It’s even another example of thinking and doing not being the same things; ya think this should always be on and very active… and sometimes, it just ain’t.

And, sometimes – and as I said to theacquiescentsoul – there are times when you’re not feeling any kind of sexual at all. There are just aspects of your mind and body that is more in control of this stuff and what you think should be happening… doesn’t. Or it does. Maybe. You’re feeling like a nut and as fast as you can blink – and actually faster than that – you just don’t. It’s no different from wanting steak for dinner one moment… and pork chops – or anything that isn’t steak – seems like a better idea… and sometimes, you just don’t feel like eating… or just can’t make up your damned mind what you want to eat.

How is it that so many guys aren’t aware of how they really work? Yeah, I know – everyone ain’t me but this is a fundamental and very human thing we all experience and our sexuality is included in this but never exclusively so. Because they’re not aware of this so much, sure – I can see why it would fuck with their heads and make them wonder where their craving for dick got to… I just kinda don’t think that it really has to be explained to them but, yeah, apparently, it does have to be explained and just saying that bisexuality is fluid does not really answer the question or address what’s really going on. It’s not so much that bisexuality is inherently fluid…

Humans are and always have been even more fluid and bisexuality, as it can happen, just and really goes with the flow of who we are and is subject to the same ebbs and flows everything else about us is subjected to. Our thoughts are fluid and so are our feelings even though we tend to think of ourselves as being more static than dynamic or this is the way we are and it doesn’t change… except, it does change. And sexuality, such as it is, isn’t immune to these specific moments of ebb and flow because, duh, sometimes you seriously need to get laid… and sometimes it’s the very last thing you wanna be bothered with… but two seconds later…

And I kinda don’t understand how guys – in particular – don’t know this about themselves since the ebb and flow about pussy works – and doesn’t work – in the exact same way and even that can be short-circuited by external events and any event you care to consider. It’s been my thought that a lot of us don’t really understand being bisexuality because we kinda don’t really understand how things really work with ourselves and that just because we think or want things to always work a certain way, um, the biological entity that we are can and will often have other ideas.

And life itself has been very well known to fuck up a lot of “wet dreams,” too. There’s just this… disconnect that some guys wind up noticing and I’m pretty convinced that it’s not a lack of understanding bisexuality that causes it – it’s not knowing how they actually work when it comes to the whole mind and body thing. Yep… I know it because even I went through this and I wanted to know why because the ebb and flow of things was seriously getting in the way of my thoughts about having sex – period. Why is it that when I cum, I no longer feel like having sex even though keeping it going is still fixed in my mind? Yep, learned about that one, too.

I’m not the only guy – bi or otherwise – who has managed to put it all together but it still makes me get that look on my face to see so many other guys who haven’t solved this “puzzle” and more so when the answer has been right there in their face the whole time: You’re human and just like everyone else is… and humans are way more fluid than sexuality is. You can explain this to a guy and it’s a coin flip on whether or not he believes it… and some guys don’t and maybe because it’s too simple an answer and they’re of a mind that something kinda fucked up has to be going on…

When there’s nothing fucked up going on at all; it is 100% normal for our desires to be off and on and in varying degrees of being off and on, from literally one moment to the next to sitting and wondering why, for the last thirty days, one’s desire for cock seems to have gone on an extended vacation. It actually hasn’t gone anywhere – just something going on with you that just ain’t feeling it… right now… but in the next minute or sooner? Oh, hell, yeah – the doctor is definitely ordering a good helping of cock… and not so much two seconds later. Maybe much, much later and depending on some stuff, oh, like, whatever I’m thinking and/or feeling and, yeah, whatever else is going on in my head… and even that could be all over the place, and be switched on or off.

For now and, shit, yeah, even the premise of “now” is pretty damned fluid and always in flux. I just don’t know why some guys don’t know how their minds and bodies work and those things that can influence shit. Sometimes you feel like a nut… sometimes you don’t. It’s just the way it works and it’s always worked like this and sexuality, while a part of the whole, isn’t the “real reason” for this ebb and flow and off/on thing that can – and will – be experienced.

Overthinking this? No, not even because one of the things I had to learn about being bisexual was that I had to be able to understand myself in this and right down to what I was thinking and feeling and when I was… and if I was at all. It’s part of the acceptance that isn’t spoken to all that much and a part that is, indeed, kinda focused on what we think and how we feel… but not with much understanding how those two things work within us. Should bi guys have a horrible case of dick on the brain at all times? That’s what we – and others – tend to think and believe but as in any of this, it doesn’t match or come close to the reality of things. The “problem” isn’t bisexuality – the problem is we don’t understand some shit about ourselves and some shit that we are, in fact, very much aware of… but probably aren’t paying much attention to… and we really need to pay attention to it.

 
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Posted by on 9 November 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “There’s Something About You…”

I’ve had a lot of people say these four words to me and they’ll either make me smile or they’ll make me work hard at not visibly cringing and thinking about getting into a particular conversation that a lot of people have a difficult time wrapping their head around.

I wouldn’t call it “gaydar” but it’s always amazed me how perceptive some people can be as well as how “easy” for them to just know what that “something” is about me and, of course, it’s that I’m not as straight as I might appear to be or as assumed. They’re pretty sure I’m not gay… but.

It’s not like I really try to hide my sexuality but I also don’t put it out there on display; I’d long since adopted a need to know kind of thing and there’s a lot of people who just do not need to know but there’s nothing I can do if they manage to intuit that something about me; now it’s a matter of whether or not I want confirm, deny, or do neither thing. Maybe I might play it coyly and ask, “Really? What might that be?”

Or sometimes I’ve asked, “What took you so long to figure it out?” Or, sometimes, I’ll obviously play dumb and say that I have no idea what they’re talking about – it depends on whether or not I feel like explaining what that something is… and most of the time, I really don’t because I kinda don’t like trying to answer the question of why I am the way I am.

Some people can’t accept the “simple” answers of, “Because I can be” or “It’s sex…” – no, they need to have it explained in more detail and it’s not as if I don’t understand why they would since that something about me goes against their own point of view about sex. I’ve learned that I really don’t like people “preaching” to me about it or telling me how nasty it is to have sex with a guy and/or how it doesn’t make sense to them that I love sleeping with women and men.

You find yourself explaining this enough times, you find that you don’t like having to do it; really, is it really that hard to make sense of? Rhetorical question since I know that for some folks, it is hard for them to make sense of. They’ll ask why and sometimes – and if I’m feeling a bit “rude” – tell them that, simply, I understand some stuff about sex that a lot of people don’t. It’s not so much about relationships or being in love… but it is about understanding that there’s more to being sexually intimate than the way we’re all supposed to be.

Then comes the follow-up questions that usually includes things like what is it like? How long have I been like this? Do I just suck cock and let guys fuck me or do I let them suck me before I fuck them? And, yeah – am I really gay? And now – and if I feel like it or kinda have to – answering all of the many questions; sometimes I don’t mind answering them and sometimes I do mind and more so when I see that they can’t seem to grasp the simplest of answers.

Why would I suck a guy’s dick? Because I like doing it and it makes me feel good and, of course, because I can. Why let a guy fuck me? Same answers and the same answer for why I’d want or let another guy blow me and stick it in their ass, if it’s on the agenda. Wait… don’t I like women? Duh… of course I do – what makes you think that I don’t? Then the “If you had to choose…” thing that really does make me cray-cray; I understand why this happens but that’s never to say that I like having to explain that being bisexual isn’t the either/or thing damned near everyone thinks it is: It’s both and in no particular order. Okay, sure – I’d go for the pussy first but I also wouldn’t ignore the dick… and you’d think that there’s no need to explain things beyond that.

Sometimes I don’t have to… and sometimes, whoever got this ball rolling by bringing up those four word are sitting there, are totally dumbfounded or, sometimes, offended or disappointed that I’m not what they thought I was. In this, I’ve learned that I’m really kind of “sick and tired” of listening to people telling me what they wouldn’t do or telling me about what they believe or don’t believe and, yeah, sometimes, I’ve been “rude” by saying that while I respect their beliefs and all that, it doesn’t matter all that much to me since I know, even if the don’t, that what they believe isn’t as right as they think it is.

Now, there are those folks who are tickled pink to have figured it out and without me really confirming anything – yet – and they think it’s kinda cool that I’m so open-minded about it, to which I tend to thank them for the compliment while shrugging since I am quite open-minded about it – how could I not be? Then the questions start to fly and, again, there are times when I don’t mind answering them and times that, honestly, I’d feel better if the whole thing was left at, yeah – I’m bisexual and it’s really not that big of a deal.

Because it really isn’t… well, as far as I’m concerned but I had to learn to accept that for others, it’s a seriously big deal and that it can, does, and will make some folks feel some kind of way and sometimes it’s not a good feeling for them. And I’ve had to learn to accept that there’s nothing I can do if my sexuality upsets them. I’m not going to apologize except to say that I’m sorry that they feel that way about it and it really sucks to have lost friends because I’m not what they thought I was or I’m not the way they want me to be.

There is a reason I tell people to not ask me questions that they really don’t want to hear the answers to… because there’s a good they’re not going to like them. Sometimes, being bisexual ain’t fun at all. Now, depending on some stuff, I might come back and say something like, “Okay, so now you know – now what?” and then sit back and watching them scrounging around in their head for an answer to this and if they have one at all.

I do very much understand the “shock and awe” that can be felt to figure out that there’s a lot more to the person you thought you knew and, yep, I’ve often been shocked and in awe at times but, I think, the difference between myself and them is that if they had that something about them like I do, I don’t have a problem accepting it. Surprised? Sure. Is it a problem? No and there’s no need for it to be a problem. Doesn’t even really matter why they’re like me – they just are and if they wanna get into any details, okay, I’m good with that and good if they don’t want to.

Sometimes, it’s kinda fun to sit and watch/listen to them trying to put into words what they think that something is about me; sometimes they don’t immediately say what I think they’re gonna say but after some rambling around, most of the time, they either get to the point or they try to get me to confirm what they can’t ask about… and I’m happy to not do that and let them keep guessing or to say what they’re not trying to say.

Because I can be a pain like that and I’m it behind having some fun at their expense. I’ll say something like, “What are you trying to say or ask me?” If you have a question, ask it… but I reserve the right not to answer it and, nope, if I do, I’m not going to be responsible for how the answer might affect you one way or the other: If you really don’t wanna know, don’t ask. Okay, the sex part…

It either cracks me up or makes me kinda sad to see what so many people don’t seem to know about sex and more so when it’s unlikely that they don’t know that guys have sex with other guys and it seemingly confuses them that not all guys who have sex like this are gay. It either cracks me up or makes me kinda sad to see that they don’t get it, like it’s so totally inconceivable that a guy would, say, get into a cock sucking session with another guy. Do I like guys like that? No, I really don’t… and that confuses them even more and, yeah, it either cracks me up or makes me kinda sad to hear them tell me that I’m supposed to like guys like I do gals. The fact is, I don’t and I know I don’t but , again, it’s not my fault that any of this doesn’t conform to the way they’re thinking.

It gets to the point that I’d be quite happy if no one noticed that there’s something about me; I’d be even more happy if they wouldn’t be or get so offended over that something about me and I’m quick to point out to them that before the figured it out, we were cool with each other… and now we aren’t – or, really, they ain’t so cool with me now – and what does that say about them? I really try not to think like that since I know people are allowed to think and believe whatever works for them.

I am what I’ve always been: Bisexual and shamelessly so. I am a non-conformist and I’ve long since understood that they way things are supposed to be never has been the way things can be. I do love having sex and whether it’s with a woman or a man, eh, doesn’t matter a whole lot. It’s not so much about busting a nut as it is about an intimacy we’re just too afraid to admit exists. About romance? It could be but not really. Into guys like I am with women? Nope – not that guy so much but I also learned to never say never; it happened before, it can happen again.

Why am I this way? Got exposed to it and found it to my liking. Do I know it’s wrong? Sure I do… I just don’t believe that it is and I’m not the only one who knows that it’s not as wrong as it’s said to be. Do I feel bad or guilty? Nope but I do feel bad that you’re feeling bad about something that you can’t do anything about and more so when I had that something about me you just now noticed going on before we even met. Do I care that it upsets you? Well, yeah… and not so much because I’m not of a mind to be bothered a whole lot because you’re unable to see things as I do… and I don’t expect you to.

If you’re pleasantly surprised, that’s fine and it does make me happy that I’m not gonna have to listen to some stuff that I’ve come to understand I don’t like listening to or being lectured or preached to about some stuff I know all too well… and stuff I’ve chosen not to move me in any way.

And I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep because I understand something that you might not be able to. Yes, there is something about me and folks are either gonna be okay with what that is or they aren’t. it’s not that I’m… unapologetic or anything like that; it’s just that I’ve heard those four words so many times and I’ve seen so many react so badly about it and it puts me in that mindset of, again, if you don’t wanna know, don’t ask and, yeah, if you do ask, you might find yourself wishing that you hadn’t… and get a bit pissy if I exercise my right not to answer or confirm what you think that something is about me.

Did I mention that sometimes being bisexual sucks and not in a good way? It does and, nope, I really don’t worry about it since it serves no purpose.

 
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Posted by on 8 November 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: And Now the “Oh, No” Moment

Methinks I’d be remiss not to scribble something about this. One of those “Captain Obvious” kind of things says that not everyone who tries the same-sex thing finds it to their liking and, sometimes, it’s not because of anything that might have been stomping through their head before, during, and/or after the fact – sometimes it’s the person they’re with that gives birth and rise to that “Oh, no…” moment and even then it’s not always what they did but how they went about doing it.

It always sounds like a good idea until it’s been proven that it wasn’t… but in these things – and before the fact – it gets weird because, yes, it sounds like a great idea while not being so great at almost the same time. All kinds of stuff going through one’s mind and working toward the go/no-go decision and, yeah, usually more about the “bad” aspects than the “good” ones but, sure; if one doesn’t get cold feet before anything happens, the go decision is made, things get going and… oh, no.

I’ve been asked – a lot – why this happens to people. After all, they “gave their word” and/or otherwise decided and agreed to do this and the first thing I’ve said toward this is, “Well, people do change their minds, don’t they?” It’s more than that, of course, since at any point in this there’s still a lot of shit going on inside their head and causing a lot of anxiety, apprehension, self-doubt, second-guessing themselves, and just flat out being scared because, again and quite oddly, they don’t know what’s really gonna happen.

There are even guys – since I’m mostly talking about them in this – who, even as they proceed, have already made up their mind that they’re not going to like what’s about to take place but, okay, they just might, there’s some doubt (and that other stuff I mentioned) and it can all come to a head – no pun – and they find themselves in that “oh, no” moment and, most of the time, call a halt to things… and sometimes they don’t because, I’d say, a lot of this is about honor and shutting it all down can mean that they just went back on their given word.

Yep – I’ve watched a lot of guys go through this moment and I don’t really take any pleasure or anything like that when they’re having a moment that I told them they might have. Some guys have that moment in the moment of truth; mouth is about to meet cock (and no matter who goes first in doing this) and, oh, no! Sometimes the connection is made and a few seconds later, oh, no! I’ve seen guys get past the beginning, they’re kinda/sorta into it and they’re in that “I gotta cum!” moment and… oh, no!

That moment can happen at any time because one’s mind just doesn’t really shut down in the face of sexual stimulation/pleasure; it’s been hard at work the whole time assessing what’s going on and while having that moral argument going on at the same time and it can put them right into having an “oh, no” moment but, as I said a few paragraphs ago, sometimes, their own thoughts, feelings, misgivings, and, yeah, guilty feelings aren’t responsible for the “oh, no” moment showing up because they’re kinda fine and dandy…

Until the other guy says or does something and it doesn’t take much to set the “oh, no” moment off. I’m damned experienced in this and I’ve had guys trigger my “oh, hell, no” moment because of something they said or did that either I didn’t like or something that wasn’t part of the agreement and, yep, even though I know that “heat of the moment” shit does happen; if we agree not to fuck and he’s trying to fuck me, yeah – oh, hell, no – and everything grinds to a screeching halt or, really, anything that, in that moment, I have an issue with like this one guy who hauled off and slapped my balls so hard I almost tossed my cookies – and I had punched him dead in the face before I realized my hand was even moving.

In a lot of situations and during what I call “the moment of absolute clarity” that arrives either before a guy busts a nut or immediately afterward, some guys can have a very bad “oh, no” moment and usually, “What the fuck did I just do?” and if the refractory period of sex has not only run them over but backed up and ran them over again, that just makes the “oh, no” moment even worse for them… and let’s not forget that they’ve been aware that this was something they had no business doing right from the start.

In talking about it with guys after the fact, I learned that some were having an “oh, no” moment while things were being done but instead of calling a halt to things, they kept going – what’s up with that? Sometimes – again – it’s a matter of honor but sometimes, honor has nothing to do with it… but their mind is still fucking with them about it and maybe, just maybe, things will get “better” as they go along and some guys just resign themselves to the fact that they got themselves into something they’re not having fun with and it’s not worth it to shut it down, either because they don’t want to start an argument or their pride is telling them that if you say stop, that means you’re a yellow-bellied chump or something else along those lines.

Even when you sit a guy down and tell him what to expect and do so in as many clear ways you can bring to bear and he lets you know that he understands all that you’re telling him, that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna have an “oh, no” moment… and some guys are of a mind that they’re not going to, well, until they find out they’re having one and it bears repeating:

Their mind really doesn’t go on vacation while the sex is happening. Men have had the very bad rep of being “mindless” during sex and overthinking things, too, and if you were to ask a guy what he was thinking about during sex, chances are he’ll tell you that he wasn’t thinking about anything but what’s really going on is that he wasn’t thinking about anything that he was aware of and, yeah, sometimes, they do know what they were thinking but not of a mind to share it but you just don’t really stop thinking even when caught up in the throes of sex and some of the stuff that might be going on in your head can trigger an “oh, no” moment.

Yep – it always sounds like a good idea until it’s not a good idea. A guy’s mind can throw a wrench into things or the other guy can be the one tossing the wrench in and, you betcha – sometimes, even he doesn’t know what he did or said to trigger the “oh, no” moment… and sometimes they do – they just didn’t think that whatever they did or said to trigger the moment would do just that. It’s also worth mentioning that it’s not just new guys who can have one of these moments; experienced guys can have them and because of the sentence that began this paragraph.

In any situation, it’s not that an “oh, no” moment isn’t or can’t show up… it’s what happens if/when it does. Some guys shut it right down and some guys don’t and if they didn’t – and this gets brought up after the fact, the question usually is, “Well, if you didn’t really wanna do it, why did you do it?” – and good luck trying to make sense of whatever the guy who had the moment says about it. Sometimes, the “oh, no” moment isn’t that “I just fucked up” kind of thing; sometimes, the “oh, no” moment is in the form of, “Well, shit; that wasn’t as much fun or as good as I thought it would be – damn!”

Way too many reasons for this one and reasons that one or both guys can be “guilty” of and I’ve always thought that any time someone’s expectations haven’t been met or exceeded, someone is going to have some degree of an “oh, no” moment. The thing is that these moments happen and even when one has reason to think, feel, or believe that it won’t or it can’t and, honestly and truly, they’d love it if the “oh, no” moment never showed up at all.

Sometimes, the “oh, no” moment can be very traumatic and as I’ve said before, I’ve seen guys throw up, break down and start crying, and even jump up and starting running around in circles or some other action; I witnessed one guy having such a moment and he was reciting the Gettysburg Address and, nope, I’m not making that up. As one who has given a lot of guys their very first experience in this, I am always on the lookout for any signs of the other guy having an “oh, no” moment and I will stop even if they don’t say anything to ask them if they’re okay and if they say anything that sounds like, “Not, really…” then it’s over and time to make sure if he’s gonna be okay and then there’s no guarantee that he is going to be okay.

It’s fantastic to give a guy an “aha” moment; not so much when he has an “oh, no” moment and the thing I think that makes this worse is seeing a guy going through such a moment… and doing nothing to help him get through it, both at that moment and even after the fact. Some guys can handle it; a lot of guys just can’t and I’ve heard way too many first-time horror stories where a guy had an “oh, no” moment and the other guy did nothing other than to keep doing whatever he was doing or, even worse, giving the guy who said, “Stop!” a bunch of shit about stopping things.

An unattended “oh, no” moment will plant in someone’s mind that if the shit was fucked up then, it will always be fucked up so let’s not even go there again and even then, some guys won’t go there… and some guys continue to feel and have the need to go back again – the “compulsion” some guys feel to have sex like this is stupidly powerful and not all that easy to ignore.

What should a guy do to not have an “oh, no” moment? Would you believe that I don’t have an answer to that because there’s no “one size fits all” answer that I’m aware of? I will tell a guy both the good and bad of it and will tell them that they can have an “oh, no” moment at any time and they can say, “stop” at any time and it won’t be a bad reflection on them and if I think they’re in some kind of distress, I’ll stop it to check on them and if I think they’re not as okay as they say they are, yeah – time to stop because I know that if it doesn’t stop, it’s not going to be a good thing for them.

Even in this, you just don’t and can’t know if the other guy is going to have one of these moments and most of the time, the guy himself doesn’t know or doesn’t expect or anticipate that he’s gonna have one of those moments. You can’t or don’t even know what, if anything, he might do in such a moment and he, well, shit, he might not even know how he’s going to react to such a moment because that if/then/else process doesn’t always work as “logically” as it might be assumed to work. That “oh, no” moment is more emotional than physical in the majority of times and logic just tends to fail miserably when a strong emotional response appears and, again and again, there’s no telling if or when that can happen… or if it’s gonna happen at all… or it just might happen later on down the road.

Here’s the “mistake” I think guys who have an “oh, no” moment make: They don’t ever wanna talk about it and they should and more so when the real problem isn’t that they had such a moment; the real problem and “damage” happens when they keep it all bottled up inside and thinking they can deal with it on their own – then find out that they can’t… and some guys just ain’t ever gonna admit to themselves or anyone that they couldn’t deal with it.

Sometimes, we’re just too “macho” for our own good; we even read too much into it or, sometimes, not enough; nothing, I think, makes a guy who’s had this moment feel shittier than realizing that he didn’t think things through as well as he should have before diving right into it – and I think it’s both okay and normal for a guy to say, even to himself, “I didn’t think this through enough…” and/or that he overthought it so much that they made themselves have an “oh, no” moment when, all after the fact, they now know that it shouldn’t have happened.

A guy can get to feeling some kinda way that’s not good about this so much that it glosses over or just “erases” any notions that before the “oh, no” moment hit, they were enjoying themselves and to whatever degree they were; that one usually results in them giving a, “Yeah, but…” response when asked if there was anything about it they were enjoying before it all went south.

You just don’t know what’s gonna happen until it actually happens and this is true even for experienced guys. What you think or expect to happen doesn’t always match the reality of what could happen and it’s made worse because no one can think of every single possibility that could show up and, yeah, some guys have an “oh, no” moment because they’ve actually “victimized” themselves before the clothing came off. If it were possible, the best way to avoid having an “oh, no” moment is to not think… and the human mind just doesn’t work like that.

If a guy has fears or concerns before the fact, they are going to stay on his mind even in the background; there’s always that part of one’s consciousness that is always paying attention to what’s going on and despite what’s going on and the moment it runs into something that’s a “problem,” here comes an “oh, no” moment and it might not be so easily “resolved” or set aside, you know, depending on what triggered it but, yeah, if one’s mind, at any time, starts screaming, “You are making the biggest mistake that can be made!” it’s hang on to your hat time because the resulting reaction is not going to be a good one and by no stretch of the imagination.

None of this is really the “no-brainer” it appears to be. Again, some folks think that guys are so mindlessly slaves to their libido that they just jump right into this without giving it much thought and, true enough, some guys do – and then find out that it wasn’t the “no-brainer” they thought it was supposed to be or expected to be. It still and almost always sounds like a good idea right up to the moment where, oh, no! It can happen before, during, and/or after the fact and, yeah, it can really be the biggest mistake they ever made or it’s just their mind fucking with them and “denying” that what they were doing (or did) was all that and a big bag of chips because, you know, guys aren’t supposed to have sex with each other and they’re sure as hell not supposed to like it if they do.

I faithfully and dutifully remain the guy who will talk about this because it needs to be talked about. All one can do if they’re considering taking the plunge – and this goes for the ladies, too, in case you think I forgot about them – is to be as positive about plunging as you can manage and with the understanding that an “oh, no” moment can show up; it can be their “fault,” the other person’s “fault,” and, holy crap – no one’s “fault” because, sometimes, shit just goes wrongly because it can.

My advice? Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you can’t have an “oh, no” moment – but don’t go plunging and thinking that it’s definitely gonna happen because if it does, chances are good that they way you were thinking was responsible or, yep – you just became your own worst enemy with this one. Do your best to find a partner you can dive in with and one that you are sure that if things go south, they’re not going to leave you hanging and now you’re trying to deal with this all by yourself. They don’t have to be “all into you” – they just gotta really and seriously give a fuck about making your experience the best one possible and that includes making sure that you’re really okay before, during and especially after the fact.

That some people can’t or won’t do this and even if they said they would, well, that’s another scribble…

 
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Posted by on 30 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “How Do I Feel?”

Theacquiescentsoul wrote a piece about not feeling sexual and in any context and in my comment to him, I allowed that I was sure that people don’t feel sexual all of the time and regardless to their sexuality. Sexuality is a state of mind and as much as it is a way to, um, have sex and embodying that sense of being sexual so, as such, the human mind tends to focus on the things it thinks are important and while everyone can feel or be sexual at any given time, yeah – sometimes, ya just ain’t feeling that way at all.

Okay, bear with me for a moment or two. I’m bisexual. There’s no doubt in my mind about that and I have no reason to question whether I am or not – then tack on how long I’ve been bisexual and that my libido is still very much alive and well and, at least for me, it creates a condition where I’m not really thinking about my being bi or how – or even what – I might be feeling at any given time.

Or, as I said to him, “I just am.” One of the things I’ve noticed with a lot of guys is a… misconception of how they’re supposed to feel being bisexual and the number of guys who are of a mind that what they feel as a bisexual is supposed to be rigidly constant and, as such, they become “alarmed” at the very real ebb and flow in their sexual desires and/or focus and some do find it “disturbingly odd” that they sometimes find themselves not feeling sexual at all.

Nothing really unusual about this but some of these guys also have reason to be aware of their sexuality, from what they want to do to why they can’t do what they want to do and I’ve been of a mind to consider that if one has a reason or reasons to “always be thinking” about it, I can understand how… troubling it might feel to them when their thoughts and feelings don’t coincide or meld with each other and, again, as it is assumed they’re supposed to.

Truth is they don’t always do that and since a lot of this is about what’s going on inside one’s head, feeling sexual can often get shoved to the back of the bus and in favor of more pressing things to both think and feel some way about. As a bi guy, do I feel bisexual? Nope – I pretty much feel like… myself but, then again, I usually and generally don’t “feel” because I know that I am and I don’t – and haven’t – looked at being bisexual as two “different” things – it’s part of the whole of me.

But even in this, thinking and feeling, again, doesn’t always work in ways that makes any sense and, yep – sometimes you feel sexy/sexual, sometimes you just don’t and now the question is why you don’t and there are just too many reasons, situations, and conditions that can lend itself to not feeling sexual one way or the other. Sometimes, your brain just has “other things” to think and feel about and if it is thinking and feeling things sexual – and, again in any context – it’s not always easy to single them out if you’re trying to figure out why you’re not feeling the way you think you should be feeling.

Cityman and I were talking about stress the other day and how it can related to male sexuality and sex; stress can make guys “mindlessly” horny or it can just kill the shit out of any feelings of sex as well as any related to sexuality. It’s quite the two-edged sword; stressors can give it to you and in spades… and it can take it away just as easily. Bisexuals who stress about being bisexual can be feeling it very strongly… or not at all. Guys who tend to stress about not being able to do what they want to do can create enough stress within themselves that it just… erases whatever they’re feeling because there’s a great deal of stress involved with trying to find a guy to be sexual with – then add on the stress of being discovered and outed, catching something nasty, and some other stuff and feeling sexual, well, probably not going to happen unless and/or until one can lessen the level of stress they’re experiencing or remove it if at all possible.

When I say, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t,” that can be taken very literally; sometimes you’re very aware of feeling sexual – and, once more, in any context that has meaning to a person – and sometimes it just ain’t there at all. It’s really still there and hasn’t gone anywhere unless you happen to be on certain medications that do kill the shit out of one’s libido but absent those things, if one isn’t feeling sexual, it’s usually because they’ve got other things on their mind that are more pressing and creating levels of stress. We tend to think of stress being something that’s a problem of some kind – and it usually is – but having your brain fully engaged and working on stuff is also a form of stress but one that doesn’t usually affect your mind so much… but it can do a number on your body by “shutting off” the biochemical processes that create the stuff that’s conducive to feeling and being sexual (in any context).

Like, when I was working, holy shit: My job was the poster child of and for being stressed and finding myself sometimes just sitting and thinking – while staring off into space – not only why something “broke” but how to fix it and then fix it so it doesn’t break again… and at none of those times was I feeling sexual – but I do know my feelings in this very well. I just might even think, for a split-second, “I need to get laid…” and the thought passes without the associated feelings even getting a chance to show up… and because my mind is hard at work dealing with something else and, yeah, stressing me out in a number of different ways up to and including being frustrated and pissed off.

If you were to see me at my desk, you probably wouldn’t know that I was stressed – but that’s because I learned that when I get that way, relaxing as much as I can works because having tense muscles, well, that doesn’t feel good. But you can bet whatever you want to that I’m not feeling sexual in any way and won’t until/unless I stop dealing with whatever has my mind so greatly occupied. That’s me dealing with stuff that makes me feel not… me. The real issue is that anything I learned to do about this probably wouldn’t work for anyone else but the one constant is that if you’re not being stressed in any way that starts shoving your feelings of being sexual aside, you’re usually good to go and even if you’re not doing anything sexual.

“I don’t feel sexy…” is something I think everyone goes through at times as well as “I wanna get laid… but I really don’t feel like it, either.” It’s not that one might feel this way – it’s why we can feel this way and if I don’t know anything about this, I know that your mind can be your worst enemy in these things… and sometimes, you’re not even aware that it’s your mind that’s making you not feel the way you think you should be feeling.

Again, a lot of guys expect to always feel a certain way because they’re bisexual and it just doesn’t work like that and because it doesn’t, well, one of two things tend to happen: They’re either going to be feeling sexual like you wouldn’t believe… or they aren’t. Feeling sexual in any way really does ebb and flow and why wouldn’t it when it’s true that your feelings are always in flux and are all over the place and at any given period of time you care to point to. The thing about that is we’re not always aware of this so much and, well, now this gets into some shit about how we’re supposed to think, you know, having our thoughts all organized and consistent – gives me a slight headache even thinking about this but, yeah: How we feel about anything is always in flux and very, very fluid and feelings regarding sexuality – any context – are subject to this as well.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you just don’t and even when you think you should be feeling pretty nutty. If you’re worrying about a lot of stuff, feeling sexual probably got shuffled to the bottom of the deck and, again, there’s nothing really unusual going on and I don’t think it becomes a “real problem” until/unless it doesn’t get shuffled back to where it normally would be in someone; now it’s about finding out why not feeling sexual is persisting and, again, it could be anything up to and including your own brain fucking with you. Medications can make you feel this way and, ah, recreational items can also do a number on how you feel, not so much because how they might affect your mind but how they affect your body – and anyone who has ever taken an antidepressant will know how… disconnected they feel and all up and down the line and including feeling sexual.

So what’s the answer for this? If stress is making you feel this way, it’s easier said than done to say, “Stop stressing so much.” If the lack of this feeling is being caused by medications, time to talk to your doctor about that and see if there’s something else you can take that won’t leave this… void in your feelings. Things like excessive drinking and, for some, other recreational items probably need to be done with greater moderation. If your sexuality itself is making you feel not so much sexual, well, hmm – what’s going on inside your head that’s making your sexuality such a hard pill to swallow? Whatever that might be is, in fact, putting stress on both your mind and body and the more you stress yourself, the more you can wind up putting feeling sexual on lockdown and creating a vicious cycle: You don’t feel sexual and now you’re thinking about why you aren’t – which is creating even more stressors and keeping you from feelin sexual – and now you’re thinking about that even more.

You can’t stop thinking and it’s not all that easy to tell yourself to stop letting your mind fuck with you in ways you find to be not in your favor, like feeling sexual in any way you want to feel. The fucked up part is that one has to be able to find a way to handle whatever’s going with them that has them not feeling sexual and, again, sometimes, that’s finding out how to reduce stress or even reviewing whatever medications you may be taking. Getting high… well, that might make one relax but may not do that well as a form of stress relief – it depends on some shit.

How do I feel? Well, I feel like… me and there’s a part of me that very damned bisexual and sexual in general. I know me and if I’m not feeling sexual in any context, it’s because something is stressing the shit out of me or, yeah – it’s just not how I feel and that’s why I’m not feeling so sexual. I understand this and because I know it can happen and for no other reason than it can, I don’t really think about it and I don’t even worry about it because I know that if I do start worrying about it, all I’m going to do is wind up stressing myself and I have a damned good reason not to do that: I don’t want to have another stroke.

Our feelings ebb and flow and sometimes “vanish” because something else going on with us has shoved it to the back of the bus. Mind and body don’t always play nice with each other or does it the way we think they should. As a bisexual, how should I feel? Ideally, I should feel like… me and, okay, no issues there because I pretty much always feel like myself – unless something external comes along and tries to change that and I do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen a lot… because I do like feeling sexual.

 
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Posted by on 27 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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