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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Am I Gay?"

Faggot. Punk. Sissy. Queer. These four words – and probably some I wasn’t aware of – were all slurs used to describe homosexuality in the mid-1960s. As I recall, I didn’t hear the word “gay” until 1969 and, I dunno, the first time I heard it – some guy a bunch of other guys were talking about was said to be gay, well, um, the literal definition popped into my head – whoever the guy was that was being talked about was happy.

What was wrong with that? Oh, wait – that’s not what they meant and as indicated by another word flung out there that I did recognize: Queer. Phrases like, “He’s got some sugar in his tank!” and “He’s got some she in him!” were bandied about and usually followed by a lot of vicious laughter and threats of bodily harm and it didn’t make a difference whether the people discussing these “weirdos” were young or old.

But you just knew – learned, really – that being a faggot, punk, sissy, queer or gay wasn’t a good thing and among us youngster, tagging someone with one of these words was usually enough for a fight to start. Homophobia was running rampant and it was clear that any guy who dared to have sex with another guy – and someone found out about it – would face some shit that makes frat boy hazing look tame.

It just stood to reason that if you were bisexual – and even if you didn’t know the word existed – letting others find out that you had the nerve to go both ways could be rather hazardous and made for a treacherous period of growing up. It didn’t stop anyone from doing their dirt in this way but you took as much care as you could manage to make sure your secret didn’t get blabbed all over the place and this made good sense… except for those poor kids who got tagged as being queer… and they really weren’t.

“Am I gay?” This is usually one of the first questions a guy asks himself upon discovering that girls ain’t the only people he likes and gets his dick hard and I honestly and personally don’t know a single bisexual guy who hasn’t asked himself this question; the gay guys I knew, well, they knew they were gay – some flaunted it, some felt it was wiser not to. I used to wonder why this question would show up and more so when a guy who liked guys and gals, well, they’re not gay since it was very well known that gay guy might act like girls… but you’d never catch one trying to sleep with a girl.

I always thought it was odd that a guy who didn’t like pussy spent a lot of time acting like a girl and could usually be found hanging out with girls – eh, go figure. Still, a guy asking himself this question could count on the question standing right alongside a great deal of fear because, again, if you were gay, you were a magnet for all sorts of bad things that could wind up in your lap. Back then, there wasn’t any difference made between those guys who went both way and those guys who were faggots – it was all the same which, even then, didn’t make any sense and no more sense than such sentiments do today – some people are still of a mind that bisexual and homosexual are the same things.

The first question that a guy asks himself is along the lines of, “Why do I feel the way I do?” or “What’s wrong with me?” – stuff like that and, at some point, what they’re feeling becomes more… apparent and giving birth to the “Am I gay?” question and, yeah, that’s pretty disturbing and more so back in the late 1960s; you don’t know fear until there are five or six guys surrounding you, calling you a queer, and getting your ass kicked is imminent.

You fervently hoped and prayed that your answer to the question wasn’t, “Yes – you’re as queer as a $3 bill!” Now, a lot of guys figured out that, nope – they weren’t gay since, um, they were very busy chasing every girl they could and even catching them so they could, well, you know. But, hmm, if a guy wanted to do something, well, sure – I won’t tell if you won’t! Even more confusion in play, right? Not straight… but not gay, either; don’t know what this is I’m into!

Ah, I remember the day I had asked myself this question and it still embarasses me today when I think of the chain of events that led to me asking the question and the very well-known fact that before it even dawned on me to ask “the question,” I’d been happily sleeping with all the guys and gals I could get with.

I don’t really remember what put the question in my head other than to say I had been doing a “review” of myself, looking back at my past behaviors and taking note of how I’d changed, progressed, stuff like that. My then wife and I had decided to have a nooner and it was good, fun, and satisfying and I didn’t have a care in the world until that part of my mind that had been doing the review suddenly rained all over my post-coital bliss by asking, “Hey – are you gay?”

Instant internalized panic attack and one that got progressively worse as my brain faithfully cued up every single time I had sex with a guy and pushed the “play” button on me. I was totally freaked out and I actually had to sit down because I felt faint, my legs were shaking, and my blood pressure had to be triple digits top and bottom.

Let’s keep in mind at this point that I knew what bisexuality was and that I was bisexual; also keep in mind that this landed on me after I’d just had a great time screwing my wife, okay? Not like a day later – like ten minutes later. So, yeah, perhaps you can see why this is rather embarrassing because I already had the proof that I wasn’t gay but it’s also the “perfect” example of how your mind can just fuck with you and, in this case, unnecessarily so.

But wait – it gets worse! Instead of me coming to the understanding that, nah, there was no way in hell that I was really gay and instantly so, the question plagued me for almost two years and as I continually overlooked the fact of the many, many times I was gleefully screwing my wife… but I couldn’t stop thinking about all the dicks I had and to this day, I just do not know why I was so focused on this aspect of my life but, yeah, I was while totally overlooking the obvious.

Gets even worse! The “Am I gay?” thing was still bogarting my thoughts and I recall standing at the window of our apartment, looking out and pretty much staring – seeing stuff without really seeing it – when my mind said, “You’re an idiot, you know that, don’t you? You can’t be gay! Here – let me show you something…”

My mind took me back to the day I asked myself the question and what took place before the question… and, yeah, I’m not just an idiot – I’m an even bigger idiot, perhaps the king of the idiot world to finally realize that I should have known the answer to the question a split-second after it had been asked… and it shouldn’t have taken me all this time to get it through my apparently thick skull that, nope, I wasn’t gay…

I was bisexual and very much so. I felt so foolish and was pretty pissed with myself. But something came to me that I felt was important: I wouldn’t be able to understand the turmoil “Am I gay?” can cause someone if I’ve never experienced it, right? I mean, how many other guys (and a few gals) had I talked to and had listened to what they went through when “Am I gay?” landed on them like tons of bricks? And I realized that in those times, I really didn’t understand their pain – but I understood it now, didn’t I?

Still worse – well, kinda. Not too long after I’d answered the question, I fell in love with a gay guy and it was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had and more so when I – and like so many bi guys – had sworn on a stack of bibles that there was no way in hell I could ever fall in love with some dude. It’s a reminder that one should try to stay on Karma’s good side, huh? And despite the torrid, emotional and, yeah, sex-filled moments of this “impossible” relationship, my sexuality was never in question.

I was bisexual and always had been. While my moments of peril with the question still makes me feel pretty silly, it did give me some experience and enough that when I see bi guys asking if they’re gay or talking about their own cluster fuck moments with the question, I can tell them with a great deal of certainty that chances are pretty good that they’re not gay because they have this… interest in men.

Along the way, I learned that some guys would ask themselves the question and discover that they really were gay and on the Kinsey scale, they were anywhere from 4 to even 6; the “6 guys” were usually ones who proved to themselves that being intimate with women just didn’t work for them. I could now listen to guys asking if I thought they were gay because visions of cocks were dancing all over their heads and tell them that, nope, probably not – but this dick thing is pretty exciting as much as it can be troubling, huh? I was able to get a lot of guys to figure this out way faster than I did just by asking them a simple question: Do ya still like pussy?

I’d feel – triumphant? – to watch them process this question and could see the answer written all over them before they verbally responded by saying that they did and very much so, thanks a lot for asking but, yeah – that dick thing was still a lot of fun to partake in even if they were on the verge of taking the plunge for the first time.

Then they’d ask – and as I did – what the fuck made them think that they were really gay when all of the evidence said that they weren’t… and that was a question I couldn’t answer except to state the obvious: The question just shows up to fuck with you. Was it some sense of guilt knowing that one is even thinking about going both ways or remembering any time where they spent an “inordinate” amount of time having sex with guys and more than they were screwing gals?

Or was it really a matter of a lack of information? Ya knew about being straight and ya knew about those gay folks and the way they handled their business… but going both ways? Being a switch-hitter and batting for both teams? It’s one thing to hear stuff like this and it’s referring to someone else… but when it’s you?

Yeah… it’s pretty disturbing to be something that no one really talked about except as some kind of joke or to just push someone’s buttons about how they liked to get their rocks off. It is to note that women did not really escape this… hazing but they handled this better than guys did; I’ve heard a lot of women who were accused of swinging both ways look at the accuser and say, “So what if I do? You’re just mad because you ain’t getting any of this pussy!”

If they had any inner turmoil going on, most girls were good at keeping others from finding out. Sure, some girls I knew would admit to liking other girls as much as they did guys and wondered if that meant they were really lesbian but I always felt that they answered this question about themselves better than I had… and a lot of guys as well.

You just get to a point where you don’t even concern yourself with the possibility of being gay – you are what you are, you do whatever you’re doing, and that’s that – and if anyone suggests to you that you’re really gay, you roll your eyes, laugh at them, and pretty much let them know that you’re not gay while not giving a single hint to the fact that you’re not straight, either.

I know I’ve had decades to observe all of this and I understand why this cluster fuck continues to fuck with people while seeing at the social level why not being 100% straight was a bad thing and, now, not being 100% straight or gay is being perceived as a “bad” thing…

Because we don’t understand it; we can’t accept that sexuality isn’t black and white. There are folks who continue to believe that gay folks have zero interest in opposite sex stuff but the truth is, um, some do. They wouldn’t say that they’re bisexual and insist that even though they occasionally cross the line, they’re still quite gay, thank you very much. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to explain to people that, yes – I have sex with men and women and because I do, I’m not gay and if you wanna get nitpicky about it, I am only gay when I’m doing something with another guy so, at best, you’re only partially correct but you’re overlooking the fact that I will get with some coochie, too… because that’s how bisexuality works.

Am I gay? Not even. Am I straight? Nope, not really. I’m both… and neither all wrapped up in one package… and if you can’t understand that, well, that’s not my problem; it’s not my fault that you’re operating with a lot of faulty information or that what you believe is keeping you from seeing the truth of things.

Gay men have insisted that I’m really gay and I should admit it and have gotten pissed when I’ve replied that for me to admit something like this would be a bald-faced lie… because I’m not gay… but I’m not straight, either. It’s flattering – well, now it is – to be told that I’d be a good gay guy; the first time a gay guy told me this, I almost punched him in the face. It surprised him… and surprised me, too, because I understood that I was still holding on to feeling some kind of way to be called gay – but, I guess that makes sense in a weird kind of way because no one likes to be called something that they know they aren’t. So to keep from punching people in the face about it, I just learned to ignore all those suggestions that I give up women and be the gay man I know I am.

Yeah… let’s not and say I did. Give up women and stop sticking my cock in their pussies? You done gone and lost your mind, haven’t you? I know I’m not gay; I asked myself the question and, yeah, okay, it took me a while to answer it – but I did answer it and I’m quite good with the answer.

Even if there are people out there who wants to keep thinking that being bisexual and being gay are one and the same. How does one go about answering this question for themselves?

Ya gotta get all up inside yourself; you gotta look at your thoughts and feelings as well as taking a very good look at anything you might be doing and, yeah, even thinking about doing. And you do this in some very deep and detailed ways. This very introspective examination could take a few moments to figure out or it can take years – it just depends on the person and their ability to really think about this. Just because a guy may find that he likes dick more than he likes pussy doesn’t mean that he’s gay… since, um, he still likes pussy but these days?

That doesn’t mean a whole lot because, as I said, there are some gay guys who like pussy, too, and, yep, there are lesbians who like some dick when the mood for it hits them. What we are learning is that all of those lines previously drawn along the sexualit spectrum are starting to blur and to the point where asking yourself if you’re gay doesn’t – and shouldn’t – mean anything unless you determine that things opposite sex just ain’t working for you when it comes to love, sex, and relationships.

We are learning that people do change their minds about their sexuality and sometimes more than once. You get to understand the angst over the labels – straight, bi, gay – because at the end of the day, they don’t mean a whole lot when it comes to your boat floating and being attracted in ways that the labels kinda insist you can’t be attracted to.

People are always asking themselves if they’re gay and they eventually get the answer to the question and the answer – whatever it may be – shouldn’t be so much of a problem – you are what you need to be. We just assume that if you’re straight, you’re always going to be straight no matter what but, um, straight people do become bisexual; shit, gay people become bisexual to some degree and in whatever way it suits their purposes.

Am I gay? Was I ever gay? Nope – I just am what I am… and what I am is bisexual and I’m good with that because to not be good with it just does not make any damned sense at all. If the shoe fit, just wear it and be proud of being able to wear it.

Sigh. People will ask themselves this question and the message is to not worry yourself sick over it and if you find that you are, then you are and, if not, you’re not. Accept that you can feel some kind of way about both men and women and if you do something about it, fine – but if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

 
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Posted by on 17 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Guilt, Denial, and Self-loathing

You don’t have to be a board-certified mental health professional to know that these three things aren’t good for anyone regardless of sexuality so it stands to reason that there are a lot of bisexuals who finds themselves dealing with these three very troubling emotions.

Bi guys – and maybe gals – talk about the guilt they feel upon discovering that they’re not as straight as they believed themselves to be and denial showing up is almost a given as well as that sickening sense of self-loathing. Even when they get around to learning that being bisexual isn’t as abnormal as they thought or was told, shaking The Bad Three isn’t all that easy but, yeah, having The Bad Three pay you a visit is also rather normal and is what, I think, makes it very difficult for a lot of people to admit to themselves that they’re bisexual.

“I don’t like guys like that!” This is denial and one’s mind literally trying to deny that they’re not feeling the way they’re actually feeling. It is… assumed that in order to be bisexual, you should like men in the same way one would like women and while this helps, it’s not really true but keep in mind that the rules say that men shouldn’t have any sexual interest in other men to begin with.

“This happens to other guys!” Yes, it does – but a lot of guys just do not believe it could ever happen to them. Another one: “But I’m not gay!” No, you’re not – duh.

Some guys feel guilty that they have these feeling toward men – again, we’re just not ever supposed to want to have carnal knowledge of each other and the mere thought of it evokes feelings of guilt and its partner, self-loathing. “I shouldn’t feel this way at all!” and yet, you do, huh? Some guys admit to self-loathing and guilt while they’re masturbating to gay porn and both members of The Bad Three tends to land on them like the proverbial ton of bricks immediately after ejaculation.

Some of that is the, ah, subject matter they were choking the chicken to and the rest is a side effect of the refractory period of sex when the depletion of certain brain chemicals just leaves one feeling not so good. Still, a lot of guys hate that seeing a hard dick or a nice male ass turns them on and, again, because this ain’t how this shit is supposed to work.

Yet, this is what’s happening and, again, the denial kicks in and at some point, it gets into a guy’s head that having these feelings really don’t make a lot of sense. Some guys are able to kick The Bad Three to the curb and accept that this is what it is and being in denial, feeling guilty, and catering to self-loathing is self-defeating and even harmful to themselves.

Some guys can’t get past this even with professional help. The power of belief is pretty damned strong and many folks have a hard time accepting this when it become apparent that everything they believed about this is just got invalidated and this going both ways thing isn’t just something that happens to other people.

They say the truth hurts… and the truth will set you free and it’s pretty weird and fucked up that both things are true.

My protege and I talk about this and he’ll ask me how I dealt with the guilt, denial, and self-loathing and, hmm, I really have to think about that. With denial, I had determined that it didn’t make sense for me to be all up in being bisexual and then telling myself that I shouldn’t be doing it, shouldn’t like it, stuff like that; it was telling myself a lie that I just couldn’t make myself believe. Now the guilt and self-loathing? Whole different thing and I told him that there are a lot of times when I feel the guilt and self-loathing trying to eat at me even when I was in the middle of getting busy and the way I dealt with it was to learn how to ignore it.

I’d learned the source of this, that being, everything I was told sex is supposed to be and that this… prohibition is deeply ingrained in me – and as it is almost everyone – and it’s not going away… so it didn’t make sense for me to keep paying attention to it. Of course, before I got the hang of it, I’d spend some time rooting around in these feelings to figure out – and understand – why I felt this way when, um, a few minutes ago, I was feeling very different.

Your mind will just fuck with you any and every time you think about or do something you “know” you shouldn’t be thinking about, let alone be doing. Once I learned about social conditioning and the roots of morality – including all that Old Testament stuff that people still cite, okay – the guilt and self-loathing is kinda built-in and the key to defeating it is understanding that there’s nothing to feel guilty about and hating on yourself because of it is counterproductive and harmful.

Not everyone can do this and I make it sound kinda easy and I can assure you that it wasn’t. I didn’t like feeling the guilt and self-loathing so, at least for myself, the answer was to stop letting those two things fuck with me. Even today, I can be sucking a guy’s dick and having big time fun… and I can “hear” the guilt and self-loathing ranting and raving from the cage I learned to lock them into. I can’t silence them… but I can ignore them.

Guys ask how they can not feel The Bad Three and there are no easy answers and it will severely test one’s ability to readjust their thinking and do something about what they’ve always believed in since there’s plenty of evidence to support the fact that what you believe in is, at the very least, incorrect. It’s just hard getting the truth of this to replace one’s beliefs; it can’t be true, can it, because we’re not supposed to do shit like this, right?

Well, yeah – we’re not supposed to… yet, we do, don’t we? Now which thing is actually the truth? And good luck accepting that, yup, we might be batshit crazy about women… but we can be this way about men, too, and again, there’s plenty of evidence to support this and, um, yeah, if this is how you’re feeling and thinking, you’re part of the evidence as well.

That’s why being bisexual tends to fuck with peoples’ head so much. You can see the denial aspects still in play with those people who avoid identifying as a bisexual and in the many ways they do or, as y’all know I say a lot, they’re not the duck they’re quacking like. The guilt isn’t easy to mitigate or to lock away and some guys know that the guilt – in the form of the social conditioning and refractory period – is going to hit them hard and they’re of a mind that they’ll worry about it later, you know, after some nuts get busted – and then they teach themselves not to worry about it.

The self-loathing is even harder because one has to admit that they like/love doing something they know they’re not supposed to be doing. I have actually heard guys say how much they hate the fact that they like having a guy sucking their dick, hate that they like sucking dick as well as hating screwing a guy and/or being screwed… but they do, in fact, like/love it and that’s pretty damned obvious; otherwise, they wouldn’t be doing it.

And the self-loathing – now being called internalized homophobia – can just fuck you up since there’s that part of your mind that continues to believe that while guys getting with guys is a very real thing, you’re not supposed to feel that way and now you hate that you do.

How do you get someone to stop hating on themselves? Yeah – you see the problem, don’t you?

I often talk about the social programming and conditioning and how successful bisexuals find ways to break the conditioning which is exactly what happens and now it’s a reality check that denial wants to avoid. Men are not suppose to have any sexual interest in other men… but you do have that interest even if you don’t do anything about it. The denial continues to insist that not only are you not supposed to get a raging erection over other men, um, that’s not what’s making you horny – you really need some pussy! Yeah! That’s the ticket! But, nah, that’s not what you really need and the reality of this need is pretty damned apparent.

You know it, you feel it, and as many do, you give in to the need and feelings and, yup, that’s the real ticket and now that you’ve broken the conditioning, you’re gonna feel like shit because you did – and that’s just how it works and will keep working unless you can find a way to suspend your beliefs or replace them with the truth.

Some men are sexually and even emotionally interested in both men and women and, shit, that’s actually a lot more normal than we’ve been made to believe. The guilt, denial, and self-loathing are emotional constructs and one reason why a lot of people suffer over this is that their intelligence and logic is often unequal to the task of shutting down this very emotional response and it creates a conflict that, sadly, many people cannot resolve.

Then, when you fold in the social angst against such behaviors, yeah, maybe now you can get a better feel why The Bad Three fucks with people as badly as it does. What will my friends think of me if they found out that I have a thing going on with me about sucking dicks or being fucked? Shit, my family will toss me out on my ass and even literally so! Even I used to think that, fuck, I’m going to hell when I die, ain’t I? Yeah, probably… but I also know that if this is true, I’m going to have a lot of company so, nah, I got better things to do other than worrying about this.

I had to tell myself that I do, in fact, have more important things to be concerned about other than having this ongoing battle with guilt, denial, and self-loathing… and some of the things I have to do are the same things that cause the guilt, denial, and self-loathing in the first place. I’m not supposed to get all randy and horny thinking about having sex with a guy… yet – and undeniably – I do. I’m not supposed to get with a guy and go about satisfying the urge to have sex with him… yet – and undeniably – I have and will do just that. And hating myself because of this just does not ever make any sense. Others can hate me for being this way but is that really my problem… or is it them who has the real problem in that they continue to believe something I know isn’t true? And if they do hate, despise, and even reject me for this, should I worry myself sick about it?

I could – and many people do – but the truth is that I don’t because, I’ll keep saying it: It doesn’t make sense. It’s counterproductive and very self-destructive behavior; I’ve seen how this fucks other people up and the question for myself is do I want to be one of those poor people? Hell, no, I don’t. Yes – my heart always goes out to them because I do know what they’re going through – been there, felt all of it… but “defeated” it… because not kicking The Bad Three to the curb just does not ever make sense.

Yep – I’ve broken the rules and I’m okay with that because I have to be; it’s vital to my continued existence to be okay with it and I’ve learned something I think is very important: Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I always have to but, yeah, if I want to, I will do it because, um, it feels good to have sex, to be intimate with someone at this level and as far as liking goes, all I have to do is like the other person – male or female – enough to want to have sex with them.

Ya almost have to rewrite shit in your head about being bisexual. I think one should have a better understanding of what sex really is and what it means to have sex and right along with gaining an understanding why the rules we all believe and try to live by exist in the first place and understand that because of social conditioning guilt, denial, and self-loathing are things we are taught to feel in this. You wanna have sex, dude? Go find a woman and convince her to have sex with you because that’s what you’re supposed to do and without exception…

Except, that’s not how it really works, is it? We do, in fact, know this and we keep denying that it really doesn’t work like this and it sure as hell ain’t ever supposed to happen to me… and then it does… and let the internalized cluster fuck commence.

I say that it is not that one will feel guilty, be in denial, or even hate themselves for how they’re feeling – it’s what they’re able to do about it and the truth is some people handle this much better than others. I think the real key and solution to this will come when we, as a society, accepts that this is how people can go about love and sex and, yeah, mostly sex. We know that we all have this drive to have sex and many of us go out of our way to deny the urge when we feel it and especially when that urge is pushing you toward someone who, anatomically, is “just like you.”

The question becomes one of why should anyone feel guilty and all that over something that’s normal for us to do – have sex? Why is same-sex stuff so forbidden and even repulsive? And, as I’ve put to you time and time again, ask yourself why you feel the way you do about this… but you folks are pretty smart – you know why you do because you’ve been conditioned to react negatively when it comes to this.

Yup… you’ve been mindfucked but don’t feel bad – everyone gets mindfucked and getting “unfucked” is going to make you feel guilty, put you into a denial mode of thinking, and even make you hate yourself because you’re feeling something you’ve been told not to feel.

Now you gotta get over it, you know, if you want and need to and that’s never an easy thing to do… but people do it because if nothing else, we are quite adaptable and we are quite capable of rewriting our minds to suspend our beliefs so that we can see the truth of this and, as such, relegate The Bad Three to some deep, dark, sealed room in our minds so they can rant and rave and threaten all they want to. You can’t not hear them… but you don’t have to pay them any mind because to do so will keep messing up your head and, forever and ever, it never makes sense to do this to yourself.

The Bad Three can be mitigated. I know how I did it and I am all too aware of the fact that how I did it ain’t gonna work for everyone – ya just gotta find a way to not let The Bad Three fuck with you and stop you from doing what you know you want and need to do. I keep saying that when it comes to bisexuality, people are more focused on what sex is happening but don’t pay a lot of attention to the internal stuff except to snipe at bisexuals for having some form of mental illness and to that end, they’re actually right about that given that the social conditioning set the stage for being “mentally ill” to begin with so, yeah – people who are trying to break the conditioning will have one hell of a time rearranging stuff in their head so that they aren’t so “mentally ill.”

I’m just saying it can be done. Myself and a great many others have done it and are no worse for wear for it. It’s not feeling badly about a well-known fact of life: We like having sex and we need to have sex. The truth is, um, we really can have sex with anyone, male or female, and more people than can be counted are all up in it and doing well as far as their mental health is concerned. They might be depressed or whatever over other things in their lives… but this is one thing that’s not fucking with them because they’ve found a way to not let it fuck with them and get in the way of their need to have sex and to otherwise be intimate with someone.

Just my two cents (or more) about this – and I know I could be wrong.

 
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Posted by on 13 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Got to Get a Knutt"

Okay, first, the title of this scribble is actually the title of a song by a group called The New Birth that came out in 1972 or 1973 and the lyrics are… interesting but not really R-rated (and the misspelling is intentional). Musically – and as a drummer – that song gave me fits trying to emulate the group’s drummer on that song, something that took me years before I could play it exactly as it had been recorded.

As an aside, this is also the group that re-did “Wildflower;” I love the original song but when The New Birth remade it? Wow; it makes you forget that some other group did it.

With that out of the way, I’ve noticed that on the forum, um, there’s a lot of conversation about sperm and, yeah, it is often hilarious about what guys want to talk about and it tends to make me wonder why we – as bi guys – are of a mind to pay so much attention to it.

Of course, in anything we do, um, yeah – busting a nut is a great expectation although we don’t all agree on what to do with it when we know it’s gonna happen. Do you spit it out or swallow it? Do you prefer to have the dick in your mouth when he cums or do you like it if he shoots it into your open mouth? Like it in your butt? Prefer to have it sprayed all over you? Facial yes or no? A problem getting it all over your hands or no big deal?

Have I ever mentioned how funny guys are about this?

This… thing got started a week ago when a member asked how others felt about a guy busting a nut inside them and some of the comments were… interesting in that some guys were of a mind that, um, yeah – where else is he supposed to put it if he’s fucking me? – to some guys voicing their fears of catching every sexually transmitted disease known to man and some that haven’t been discovered yet.

Some guys can’t deal with the spunk – their own or anyone else’s. Some guys actually have a mental block about busting a nut with another guy and, yeah, I’ve heard of guys who aren’t happy to find themselves dealing with da jizz even though you’d think they’d have to know that it was gonna show up at some point.

Or, like I asked a guy who told me that he was both surprised and unhappy that the guy he was with came in his mouth, “What did you think was gonna happen? Did it occur to you that if you sucked his dick long enough and the “right” way, he was gonna cum?”

Apparently, it didn’t and that particular situation was one where I thought it was so funny that I couldn’t even laugh – well, not at that moment, anyway.

This is such an eventual kind of thing that some guys are actually of a mind that any thing they may have done before they started busting a nut didn’t mean anything and some guys, when sharing their early experiences, make it a point to let it be known that no sperm was involved or harmed.

Some of the threads – and I saw they were from a long time ago – was about preferring to swallow it or not and, as usual, some guys were all for swallowing, some were all for spitting it out or letting them cum anywhere other than their mouth, and the usual guys pulling the disease card as well as those who’ve yet to suck a dick chiming in with what they would and wouldn’t do with the sticky mess.

And sometimes I really do sit and read the stuff about this and rhetorically ask – again – “What do you think is gonna happen?” and “Isn’t one of the whole point in this is for sperm to get involved in some way?” I mean, uh, you want the other guy to cum and a whole lot of guys get kinda bent out of shape if he doesn’t… but can get bent out of shape when it arrives.

But guys are still very “either/or” about this and the word “prefer” is always involved and, well, I have issues with this word being used in this context. If I’m sucking a guy’s dick, duh, I’m trying to entice him to cum while I’m taking care of my oral fixation… so since I know that he’s eventually gonna do what I want him to do – and what he wants to do – sure, there’s the question of what to do with it and, really, being squeamish about it kinda doesn’t make any sense to me.

Swallow it. Spit it out. Stop sucking him and jerk him off to a messy finish and if it bothers you, try not to get any of it on your hand or anywhere else it might wind up. If you’re worried about becoming the most virulent disease vector ever, well, two things come to mind. First, cover it up – duh. The second is, um, why are you even bothering to have sex with the guy if you don’t want to deal with the end result?

Some guys love facials while some guys – like yours truly – ain’t a fan and, yes, busting a nut in my face just might get you hurt because to me – and I know it’s me – it’s like spitting in my face. I understand accidents, like the one time I had a guy’s cock in my hand, was about to close my mouth around him and he popped his cock and I got a face full of spunk. It happens… but to deliberately do it? Oh, my… let’s just say that my great displeasure will be known to you.

Some guys just like it anywhere other than where it’s “supposed” to go and I do understand that there’s some kind of “built-in” aversion to sperm but I can’t explain why there is and I’m not sure if anyone really knows and as evidenced by the many guys who try to eat their own spunk and they just can’t do it and, in that moment, throwing up at the mere thought of it sounds like a better thing to do.

The aversion is so… powerful that for some men, they’re happy to jerk off and make themselves bust a nut… but the clean up part is quite undesirable and just plain yucky.

I’ve seen guys write about how much they love sucking dick and/or being fucked… but that busting a nut thing? Ew. On the surface, having a lot of conversations about what to do with it kinda makes sense but it sure is funny and, sometimes, kinda sad – again, if you’re playing with a guy’s cock in some way, what do you think is gonna happen? And if you really don’t wanna deal with it, why are you doing whatever you’re doing in the first place?

I sit. I read. I laugh, shake my head, roll my eyes. Why is this such a big deal of a thing and what is it that makes some guys really and seriously squeamish about it? Many years ago, I was talking to a guy about sucking dick – the pros and cons of it – and he had said that he really wants to give a guy a blowjob… as long as the dude didn’t cum in his mouth, anywhere on him and not even near him. He actually said that he would prefer that when the guy was about to bust a nut, he went to the bathroom to finish it because he didn’t even want to see it.

I asked him why he felt this way… and he couldn’t tell me and I guessed that this was one of those things for which there are no words. My advice to him? Either employ a condom or don’t suck a dick at all. The fact is that, yup, he’s gonna get a nut; you know it – or you damned well should know it – and you just gotta try to get over any aversion you may be feeling.

I don’t know if he ever did but, eh, that’s on him. Again, maybe it’s just me but I know that doing something with a guy is going to cause sperm to flow and, um, that’s kinda the point of doing whatever in the first place. I know there’s an expectation that’s always been in play: Suck a guy’s dick, take his sperm in your mouth and if you swallow it, you get humongous props but if you spit it out, well, okay. If you’re being screwed – with or without a condom – you betcha: He’s gonna bust a nut even if it doesn’t go directly into you. And if you have a problem with that, er, ah, perhaps some rethinking on your part is in order?

Some guys are… fanatics and go as far as to say that being inseminated is being bred… and that just bothers the shit out of me and, yeah, I know, it’s because I can be so literal-minded about it. Men cannot breed other men – and we fucking know this but, sure, we can go through the act of breeding, you know, like knocking a woman up… but the connotation just bothers me despite my knowing what it means.

Just the thought of dealing with a man’s sperm freaks out some of the guys sitting on the bench – and that’s why they’re sitting on the bench. Did I mention how funny guys can be about this stuff? I did? Yeah… I’m repeating myself but this is just “funny” to me and fascinating that we – bi guys – spend a lot of time talking about sperm. We either love it or we don’t; scared to death of it or not. And, yeah, sometimes, we want him to give up the nut and wishing we didn’t have to deal with it after it’s been delivered.

I was talking to a guy some time ago about this very same thing and we both allowed and agreed that women have good reason to “act funny” about us busting a nut since getting pregnant might not be on their list of things to do. We agreed that a lot of women get traumatized sucking dick, like some guy telling her that he’s not gonna cum in her mouth and, sometime later, she’s got a mouthful of it and it’s making her feel lied to, betrayed, maybe even foolish to have believed that asshole in the first place.

We allowed and agreed that some women hate trying to suck a guy off because, for one, it can take a while and it just flat out uncomfortable and all that and, yup, she can be so… miffed about all this work that when he does get around to cumming, hmm, it just might wind up on the floor or anywhere other than her mouth.

But why are men funny about it? We talked, theorized, and debated it for a few hours and, yeah, even felt that maybe we’re not meant to deal with it in any way other than leaving it with a woman do deal with. Eventually, we gave up trying to figure it out and, um, sucked each other off and we both swallowed and it wasn’t scary at all.

Some guys are just fascinated by sperm or repulsed in some way. I can’t really explain either thing, to be honest – I just know what I see and, again, a lot of it is pretty funny to see other men obsessing over it in some way, like the question I saw about preferring/liking to watch a guy shoot his load. See, I kinda blame porn for this since, most of the time and regardless to porn genre (that involves men), you almost always see homey unloading and, yeah, okay – even I can see how interesting that is although, um, we can get hyped about something that we can also do…

But some guys can’t even watch themselves busting a nut when they masturbate… and I have no idea why. Okay – I understand that sense of feeling guilty after the fact and I even know why guys get that feeling… but how does this work when you’re on the receiving end?

I don’t know… but it sure as fuck is funny to watch guys talking about it.

It’s time for playoff football so I’m gonna leave you to think – or laugh – about this.

 
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Posted by on 11 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Older I Get…

…the more comfortable I get with being bisexual. I understand it, that it’s more a fact of life than many are willing to admit to. I’m still learning some stuff, seeing how others deal with this from what thrills them to no end to what makes them miserable about having dual interests.

I was thinking that I’ll be 65 this year and, wow, I’ve had such a good life and one that may not have been so exciting and fulfilling if I weren’t bisexual. It’s not just the sex I’ve experienced – amazing, sometimes not so much – but how I’ve been able to see the world around me after learning some truths that, again, a lot of people are happy not knowing.

Or being completely bamboozled to learn that everything they thought they knew about themselves is quite different, let alone that everything they thought they knew about sex is, at best, incomplete. I’ve been honored to watch a lot of people go through the discovery and especially when they’ve said it would never happen to them. I’ve been… concerned to watch so many people struggle with this as well as watching many just overthink it all.

Guys my age, well, we just seem to adjust better. Some of it is having a better understanding of things than our younger counterparts and being of a age where we just don’t give a duck what other people think when it comes to getting our rocks off or even finding more emotional succor, camaraderie, stuff like that. I’d guess that at this point in our lives, the whole sexual and sexuality thing isn’t as big of a deal as we once may have thought.

It’s sex and much more than that. We know the rules… and the rules suck and never in a good way. Oh, sure – there’s a purpose to them but they also suppress and inhibit and while some folks aren’t aware of this – but they’re okay being the way they are – many more people are just saying, “Fuck the rules – I’m gonna do what I need to do… and while I’m still able to and enjoy it!”

I see the social cluster fuck and the older I get, the less sense it makes. Humans are such contentious animals but it’s just the way we are when, seriously, we shouldn’t be so tribal and, perhaps, naive about how we can be about sex, in general and specifically.

Me? I’m more than okay with it all because not being okay doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s human nature at work and it’s the way it’s always been and for some, resistance is futile; they feel the pull, do their best to resist and ignore it – and many are successful – but they can’t. They see it as a failure or some kind of weakness; something is wrong with them because they’re feeling things that they’re not supposed be feeling. And they eventually find out how liberating and satisfying it is to no longer be bound by a set of rules designed to keep them from being who they want and need to be in this.

I guess I felt that way at some point but, if so, I don’t remember it. It just is what it is and what it’s always been and the older I get, the more I see people coming to the same understanding – and it’s fun to see the paths they take reaching this understanding – and they’re not as old as I am.

It’s not really that bad of a thing but we are human after all – we’ll find a way to make it bad and to say that this is a wrong and bad way to have sex and experience those deeper feelings that are only supposed to be felt when boy meets girl.

And the older I get, the more I see the fallacy in this thinking. Again, it works and works well… it’s just not the only thing that can work and work well. I laugh and think that bisexuality would be so much better if people weren’t involved since were prone to go out of our way to deny our feelings because those rules say we shouldn’t have them like that.

Yet, many do have them; many act on them, many don’t, and many more as sitting on the sidelines and awaiting their moment to learn a lot of the same things I’ve learned. Yes – it’s about the sex that’s possible but, again and forever, being bisexual is much, much more than that and the older I get, the more I appreciate it.

Getting older ain’t so bad after all…

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: The Realization

Discovering that you have a same-sex attraction is a motherfucker to deal with. You like someone… but deep inside, you know that you really like them, that just being in their presence gets your juices flowing in ways that’s pleasant… and very disturbing since – yeah – that’s not ever supposed to happen.

Yet, it does. The first time it happens one can usually wave it off in some way but if it continues to happen – either with the same person or, holy shit, others who are the same sex as you are, well, shit: What the fuck is wrong with me?

I know that in some guys and when this happens to them, their mind damned near automatically starts to create erotic situations with the star of the show being another guy and if nothing else, whew, it makes for great stuff to masturbate to… but there’s still the “problem” of the subject matter -you’re a guy… and you’re masturbating to mental images of other guys, both known and unknown and, sometimes, hmm, gay porn is now something that has to be checked out.

The human mind is mysteriously amazing but in this, is usually in conflict; one part of the mind is saying that you’re not supposed to be having these feelings while another part of your mind is wondering why you’re not doing more about these feelings. I don’t know of too many guys who have been in this situation and wonder if they’re gay – or they’re fiercely telling themselves that they’re not gay, they love women and pussy… yet, their favorite things to jerk off to tends to feature hard dicks.

It may occur to someone that, shit… could I be bisexual? These days, that seems to be scarier than discovering that you’re gay and now the conflict worsens because, fuck me – that shit happens to other people and it’s not supposed to happen to me… even as visions of hard dicks are running rampant in your mind.

It’s a hard thing for some to accept; it can’t be like this… but the feelings and thoughts are undeniable. It gets worse because somewhere along the line, a part of you says, “Yeah… it is what you think it is!” and that part of your mind that is 100% against this is now going into overdrive and you find yourself worrying about someone else finding out that you have these often unwanted feelings… while those visions of dicks – and pussies, you know, just in case you think I’ve forgotten about women who feel the pull – continue to plague you.

And of those who I’ve talked to about this, they all pretty much say that they don’t know why they’re feeling this way; some say that they don’t want to and they want the feelings to go away and stay away… only to find that they’re not going anywhere.

Again, this is some really fucked up shit to be aware of… but that’s really not the very worst of it: That comes when it’s time to accept that these feelings for both males and females is very, very real… and you’re bisexual.

Wait… how can one be bisexual if they’ve never had sex like that? That’s easy to answer since bisexuality bites someone in the ass from the inside first and foremost; having the sex is a confirmation of what one’s mind and body has been telling them. The most difficult three words to say to one’s self are, “I am bisexual.”

Holy shit. Talk about the cluster fuck to end all cluster fucks!

I think and have reason to believe that this cluster fuck happens because we’re all told that such things can’t happen even though there aren’t too many people who don’t know that men have sex with men and women have sex with women – gay folks are not a figment of the imagination. Knowing that, because of the way you’re feeling in an overall sense, you’re not gay is, for some, a relief… but there’s still that very strong pull that draws you to men and women and, I dunno, I’d supposed that coming to the conclusion that you’re not really gay makes having feelings of bisexuality “impossible…” yet, this is how you’re feeling, huh?

And, again, the hardest part of this realization is accepting that, yep, damn – I’m bisexual. Then comes the other hard part: Doing something about it. I have never pretended to understand exactly how this works and why it works the way it does. Even before one “officially” accepts that they’re bisexual, there is this… compulsion to do something about it and a lot of folks actually know what it is they want to do… even when they’re not supposed to do it.

Now, a lot of people accept that they’re bisexual; eventually, one almost has no choice but to accept it given what’s going on in their mind and all that. Doing something about it? Here’s something you might not know about this: A lot of people won’t do a damned thing about it because they’re actually afraid that they’re going to like it. There is always the other fears, of course, but this is the one I find utterly fascinating. Folks in this situation, wow, I can’t imagine how they’re feeling because that compulsion to do the nasty like this is so very damned powerful so anyone who is able to hold it off is to be commended for having great willpower.

Still, dealing with the realization is never easy; it’s one thing to, say, know someone who goes both ways… and now you’ve got these thoughts and feelings about going both ways. Again, one part of yourself says this is some very fucked up shit… and there’s that part that’s telling you that, nope, this ain’t fucked up – this is just as normal and natural as anything else is even though you “know” that this is supposed to be unnatural and even abnormal.

Yup. Some people never feel the pull and, well, nothing unusual about this. However, some feel the pull when they’re young – and the notion of one being too young to have such thoughts is bullshit, by the way – and doing something about it either happens or it doesn’t but the feelings are there to stay. Some “escape” this early on, only to have it show up later and out of the clear blue sky – this makes the realization harder to deal with since they’ve spent their lives to this point being heterosexual.

Oh, and before I forget, this can happen to gay folks, too – they just believe that it can’t happen and ain’t supposed to happen and, um, yep, just like straight people believe that they couldn’t ever be bisexual or gay.

The realization that everything you’ve ever been told, taught, and believed is… incorrect is a very serious motherfucker to deal with and while some people handle it quite well, many people just don’t: All of this bisexual shit clashes heavily against what they think they know and that thing inside one’s head that insists that such a thing would never, ever happen to them.

Can you see how this realization can create great conflict? What should one do about it? The answer comes from the “easier said than done” department: Accept that this is the way you feel and the reason you’re feeling this way, believe it or not, is because you’re human. You don’t have to do anything about it if you can’t and some people do manage to suppress the compulsion enough that it’s not so distracting.

The realization, along with acceptance, is just a bitch and a half to have to deal with. I was talking about this last night with my protege and it’s something we talk a lot about – going from being very straight to being bisexual and having to adjust to such a major change. I told him that I grew up with it and he didn’t – and that’s a major consideration. Even though I knew I shouldn’t be doing it with boys, um, I was doing it – what I knew and the reality were two different things and, using kid logic – which is often more… pure and real that adult logic – well, okay; I like doing it to boys and girls so let’s keep doing it.

Very different from being an adult of some years past 21 and, again, harder for older people to get their heads around – except, it seems, those folks in the 50-70 age group; they don’t seem to have a lot of issues dealing with the realization and acceptance.

It just makes sense whether you realize and accept it now or later – it’s just a motherfucker getting to the part where you understand that it does make sense.

It’s not easy to do but many, many people have said that once they got past the realization of their bisexuality and accepted it, they felt better – and now they can turn their attention to doing something about it or not.

 
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Posted by on 3 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Bisexual Resolutions"

Ran across this topic on the forum and I found it to be a bit… odd. Some respondents resolved to do more M2M stuff, some stated a resolution to finally take the plunge, and some said that they don’t make resolutions – they have goals – and their “goals” include getting more dick to play with.

Worthy stuff… but I noticed that no one who responded to this topic said that they’re gonna resolve to be the best bisexual they can be, which is part and parcel of being the best person they can be.

It still interests me that a lot of guys see being bisexual as “two different things” and, I guess, it kinda makes sense in that it’s a “different” way to express one’s self sexually and even emotionally as they look more at who they wanna do the nasty with… but maybe not looking at what they’re doing – having sex – as not being all that different. Okay… it’s different when you consider that, as men, the favored target for our sexual urges are women but the reality says we can have sex with anyone, male or female so while one’s partner can be “different,” it’s still sex.

Some guys resolved to be more sexually active in this way and, sure, it’s a great thing to resolve to do but if it’s been a while since they had a dick to play with, are they gonna resolve to change some stuff in order to accomplish this? For the guys who resolved to get off their asses and take the plunge, have they also resolved to put aside whatever fears they have so that they can make their fantasies a reality?

While these guys states their resolutions and well within the tradition of a new year, should they not – each and every day – resolve to be more bisexual? Again, it interests me to see guys being all into bisexuality as a thing to do and not so much as a way to be, that fiending for some dick is just as much a part of their everyday existence as fiending for some pussy? That the pursuit of sexual (and emotional) gratification is just a part of what we are – humans – so how one goes about this is only “different” because of the rules we’re all supposed to play by?

I read what they had to say and it reminded me of a conversation I had with my protege when he said he needed to find a balance in his sexuality; my response to him was that “balance” is the wrong word and the wrong way to look at this: “Integration” is the correct word and thing to do, to make being bisexual – and doing the deed – as normal a thing to do as breathing is; you do it, you don’t think about doing it and getting some dick isn’t any different from getting some coochie – at the high level, of course, because thinking and doing aren’t the same things.

Since being bisexual really isn’t a separate kind of thing, perhaps the guys who made their resolutions should really resolve to integrate their sexuality into their lives and do it better (for lack of a better word) and not look at this as being so different a thing? It’s still the pursuit of sexual and emotional gratification; it’s still being male and subject to that hard-wired imperative to get our dicks hard and do something to ejaculate… and who we do that with isn’t so much of a big deal that it’s seen as something different.

Of course, everyone goes about being bisexual in whatever way works for them. I think, therefore I am… and I am bisexual – nothing to see here, folks. There’s always the W5H things to think about but that’s no different from trying to convince a woman to get naked with you – you still have to convince someone, male or female, that doing the nasty with you is gonna be a good thing and not something that will be regretted.

You’re still gonna have that list of things you will do as well as that list of things you’re not ever gonna do but even this becomes a bit conditional depending on the person you find yourself engaged with and their idea of what a good time having sex means to them.

I’m just of a mind that if one resolves – and strives – to be a better person, they can also be a better bisexual and not just in the doing. It’s a state of mind and if you can integrate this so that it becomes as normal as breathing is, well, doesn’t that work? Ya might find yourself doing that mental coin-flip thing – do I want dick or pussy? – and the integration says, “Doesn’t matter which – it just matters who I can convince to have sex with me.”

Maybe a good resolution for any new year should be to not be totally focused on doing shit but being aware of how all of this is just a part of your life and part and parcel of that very social need to be sexually and emotionally intimate, that even when you’re not doing shit, you’re still as bisexual as the day – or even year and decade – is long. That when you get horny as fuck, who you have sex with isn’t the big deal thing to worry about – you still have to convince someone that having sex with you isn’t going to be a bad thing.

Maybe a good resolution would be to stop making it harder to get some dick? To realize that looks are just what they are and judging books by their cover isn’t as smart a thing as it may seem? That the size of the other guy’s cock – or their own – doesn’t mean shit as long as they’re clean, healthy, and it works – gets hard, shoots sperm, gets soft. That drawing a line between being a top or a bottom can almost guarantee that making these distinctions will make you miss out on more opportunities to have sex in this way – and, perhaps, making you miss that one person everyone seems to be hyped about running into.

If I resolve to do anything each and every new year, it’s to keep working at being the best person I can be and if I can do that, it also makes me the best bisexual I can be and whether I’m doing something or not.

I know this is probably just me and that not everyone thinks about this at the level I do and, yeah, for me, being bisexual isn’t any different in my mind – it’s just as much a part of me as breathing is. I don’t think about it – I just go about being bisexual which means I’m really just going about being myself each and every day and across many decades.

Questions like, “Do you like pussy better or dick?” are a non-issue and the answer is always, “Yes!” I don’t have to think about it in those terms because either way, I’m having sex and expressing myself sexually and emotionally. Questions like, “Do you prefer big cocks or smaller cocks?” is also a non-issue – it’s a dick and any dick can be sucked and shoved into your ass if that’s what you want and need. What is of greater interest and focus – or should be – is the guy attached to the dick.

I see guys nitpicking this every day and I am usually amused by it because, for me, there’s no need to nitpick this like it’s a separate issue to be dealt with. Don’t get me wrong – I understand the nitpicking and why guys do it – I just think it’s funny watching them do it. Like, last night, my protege was wondering why guys are so focused on big dicks and being size queens; I said that I see that as well and I do wonder why this has become as big of a deal – but it’s rhetorical because I do know why – I just don’t think it makes sense or is really that significant… but, sure, guys get kicked to the curb – by men and women – because they don’t have a cock that reaches their ankles… and that’s after the’ve wrapped it around their waist twice to avoid tripping over it. A dick is whatever a guy’s genetic makeup decided it was gonna be and the real question is can you work with whatever the other guy has between his legs because the real and only preference should be…

It’s a dick. I know guys go on and on about wanting women with tight pussies and other such shit… and then they wonder why they’re not getting as much pussy as they think they should… so maybe a good resolution is to not be so damned superficial and wrap your head around the fact that good sex is where you find it… any it comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

And the real question to be answered is, “Are you up to the challenge as it may be presented?” And if not, perhaps a better resolution is to make yourself able to deal with any situation that may present itself whether it’s a guy or a gal.

Maybe a seriously good resolution would be to take whatever preferences you have and just get rid of them or, if ya can, make shit easier on yourself and to understand that the reality of any of this isn’t going to fit the way you’re thinking about it.

Maybe a good resolution – for newbie bisexuals and even those who aren’t – would be to take any fears plaguing them and just shutting them down because sex is, indeed a dirty, nasty, and risky thing to do but it can be done safely and all that and if one is looking for more, ah, stimulating sex that affects both mind and body, lose your fears and seek the sexual and emotional satisfaction that just might be missing in your life.

Maybe a good resolution would be to stop worrying about what other people may think about bisexuality, to be able to understand – and if no one else wants to – that being bisexual is just as normal as being straight or gay and the only thing that really matters is being able to be that intimate with someone who’s also willing to be that intimate. What’s the difference between a man eating a woman’s coochie and a woman doing it?

There is no difference other than who’s doing it. Maybe a good resolution would be to understand and embrace the fact that your body doesn’t give a fuck who’s giving it pleasure as long as it’s being pleasured… but your mind does give a fuck… and maybe, just maybe, it shouldn’t be giving a fuck because if it’s sexual and/or emotional pleasure and succor you’re craving, well, there’s more than one way to get that, huh?

Hell, I won’t tell if you won’t.

Maybe a good resolution is to resolve yourself to enjoy sex – period – and regardless to whether or not it’s with a man or a woman, to resolve to keep things as simple as one can make them so that when they wanna get their cookies crumbled, it’s just now a matter of who gets to do it – and then being up for the challenge that having sex presents.

Maybe, just maybe, a good resolution is to just be human and not place too many restrictions on having the sexual/emotional pleasure that is inherent in our species. Yes, who you do it with is important but should it really matter if the “who” is male or female? Bisexuality says that it doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t matter and one should resolve to understand this…

And get your freak on. Suck a dick and get a guy to suck yours. Eat some pussy and lie back and get the answer to who eats pussy better. Revel in it and, yeah, even be a rebel against plain old ordinary sex. Resolve to be as sexual a creature you can be and, of course, as safely as possible. Resolve that the only and real preference is to have sex and who – male or female – is of no real consequence as long as you feel they’re okay enough to get at your goodies.

 
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Posted by on 1 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: In 2019…

…I’ve gotten to see a lot of what men are thinking (and doing) about bisexuality. Some of it is what I’d call typical – the usual questions about what do to, who to do it with, where to do it, and how to do it – best way, easiest way, stuff like that.

2019 showed that there are still a lot of men sitting on the side of the pool and watching other men splash around and play in the waters of the deep end and many of them would rather not be spectators while others, wow, they’ve convinced themselves that there’s nothing they can do.

2019 revealed that, wow, some bi guys are pretty damned freaky; some have shared that they have more sex toys than most women do, and are very much into being submissive. Some are cross-dressers, cock sucking fiends of the highest order and getting their stuff packed several times a day is their idea of a good day.

The conversations about being bi and married still took place and with a lot of guys advocating telling their partner that they’re bi and to ask for permission rather than cheating while there are guys on the other side of this discussion who are saying, “Yeah, well, that’s all well and good… but I don’t feel I have much choice in the matter – I gotta do what I gotta do even if for the sake of my sanity…”

More talk this year about sucking dicks than fucking, which only served to solidify my thought that sucking dick is still the #1 thing for bi guys to do with fucking/being fucked a close second. Still the spectre of, “I can’t find a guy to do anything with!” hangs over a lot of guys’ head and 2019 indicated to me that what these guys are really saying is, “I can’t find a guy who meets my exact preferences!” And, boy, do they have some pretty exacting preferences!

2019 revealed a… push in the direction to avoid casual sex at all costs; guys turning their noses up at NSA sex and in favor of establishing FWB entanglements, something I find quite interesting but also a bit disturbing because a lot of guys are under the misconception that having a single source for dick is safer than going home with the hot dude that hit on them in the gym, bar, wherever. Still, some guys have a carload of FWBs, some are still looking for their Mr. Right, and a lot of guys are sticking with the tried and true method of getting some dick since, um, there’s nowhere they can go where there won’t be a willing and available cock to play with.

This debate is about some guys being risk-adverse while some guys, eh, sure – it’s risky but the risks can be mitigated; horny as all get out… but not that stupid. 2019 revealed there are two camps – the guys who are more relationship-minded and, on the other side, the guys who aren’t – and then there are still the guys sitting on the edge of the pool, not getting a single toe wet but remain excited about their first experience with another guy. I mention these guys because they sometimes seemed to be in both camps; if they could find that one guy to do things with, fine but if not, just about any willing guy will do – it’s just a matter of being able to do anything.

There seems to have been an… explosion of male bisexuals appearing and despite rabble rousers insisting that bisexuals lack visibility. There seems to be a glut of bottoms… and a scarcity of tops. I’ve seen some more nitpicking and wordsmithing with the introduction of top/verse and bottom/verse, two terms that, honestly, seem to be contradicting themselves but could be a more… precise way to let other men know of their role in this, like, “primarily” a top, but might bottom as well.

We used to call these guys just plain old versatile… but I guess that wasn’t all that clear and more clarity was required. I mean, hmm, either you’re willing to top and/or bottom as the situation may call for… or you aren’t. As such, 2019 revealed more of a tendency for guys to make this harder to do than it really has to be.

What will male bisexuality be like in 2020? Will more guys jump into the pool and get some dick? Will more guys resolve to just stay high and dry on the side of the pool? Will relationship sex continue to shove NSA to the side of the road?

Should be interesting. Stay tuned.

 
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Posted by on 29 December 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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