Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 31 January 23, 1541 hours

Do female bisexuals “have it easier” than their male counterparts when looking for a woman they can express this with? Not counting lesbians, the most favored woman ever seems to be one who is bisexual, aka, a unicorn, which is a mythical creature but bisexual women are, I dunno, seen as one as well.

A look back in time reveals that quite a few of the girls I grew up with were bisexual and even under “the experimentation rule.” Girls got a different set of marching orders than we did but with similarities; we were told to keep it in our pants, they were told to keep their legs closed but with the same contradiction that said if they were going to have sex, have it with a boy… but don’t have sex, don’t look sexy because boys will try to rape them and get them into trouble (pregnant) and hurt them with their dicks and I know this one for a fact because my parents laid all of this on my older sister and since all of the girls talked to each other, the word about us evil guys spread like wildfire.

While we boys were told to never have sex with each other, I cannot say or confirm that girls were told not to do anything with other girls but, yeah, they were and, as one girl told me when she rebuffed my attempts to do it to her, “I’d rather do it with a girl because I can’t get into trouble!” Well, dang! But we all got bitten by the sex bug and there were the girls who would and the ones who wouldn’t and some of the ones who wouldn’t, ah, hmm, would and did have sex with “like-minded” girls. The “infamous” Hot in the Ass girls didn’t much care who they had sex with… as long as they could and in our “group sex session” where a mix of boys and girls were present and it was time to do it, I got to see girls have sex with guys and gals and happily so and a couple of them who, let’s say, were leaning more toward lesbianism than bisexual because us boys were just too yucky and nasty to be bothered with.

I would think back to those days and could see the sense in girls having sex with each other and if only because they weren’t going to get each other pregnant and if they were only rubbing their pussies together, they couldn’t be discovered to be sexually active because their hymens were still intact or, if they weren’t, a doctor could tell whether it was broken via sexual intercourse or some other means. For those girls who made it clear that they’d rather do it with a girl, I would see that given what they were told about boys, girls were just the safer option all the way around but even “most of them” would get around to doing it with one of us… but still did it with a girl friend and, famously, during pajama parties.

As far as they went, us guys believed that all they did was gossip and giggle and talk about boys (good or bad) and I remember grumbling about my older sister having a pajama party and I’d gotten kicked out and told to stay away from the girls or else and part of my grumbling was about all the noise the “chickens in the hen house” were making and she said, “But you really don’t know what other noises we were making, do you?” and it took me a whole two or three seconds to realize what she meant by this and… oh! So some girls were like us guys and doing it to each other at sleepovers, too?

My sister refused to confirm nor deny any allegations, but their “secret” was out, not that I went around blabbing it but other guys knew it because they had sisters, too. I would, one day and when I was thinking about all of this, nod to myself in understanding about their need to have sex with each other once they all started getting their period because, if nothing else, having sex with each other was seriously safer than running the risk of a guy flooding their vaginal vault with semen and a rabbit would wind up dying. As an aside, why rabbits? Well, I learned that the “stuff” that could be found in a woman’s blood when she conceives is… fatal to rabbits and, yeah, ugh, rabbits were used as part of determining pregnancy back in the day.

And a lot of girls were not of a mind to “kill Bugs Bunny.” Now girls were being somewhat cryptic in that they’d tell us that they weren’t having sex so leave them alone but what some meant by this was that they weren’t having sex with boys. Okay. My father told me to never put my mouth on a girl’s pussy and I did it anyway and with a girl who also wanted to know why I shouldn’t but she had also told me that she’d heard about this from other girls… but boys weren’t doing it or not as much a girls wanted them to and I guessed that she realized that she was letting a certain cat out of the bag and clammed up (and commanded me to lick her kitty some more) but, okay. I didn’t know about other guys but I didn’t find this to be all that unusual but I thought it was cool even though that could also mean that if there was a girl I wanted to have sex with and she was turning me down, that might not mean that she wasn’t having sex at all.

The girls who were took it underground and mostly because guys were being idiots about such things. Indeed, a lot of guys wouldn’t have anything to do with a girl who was even suspected of being “a lezzie” and if they were “going with” a girl and he discovered that she was having sex with a girl, well, let’s just say that the breakup could get very ugly. I would learn that some girls were doing what some guys were doing: Publicly, they would categorically deny having sex with other girls but, privately? All along, we’d see girls hanging with each other and as thick as thieves and, sometimes, you just knew that they were having sex with each other but if you dared to ask them, well, they wouldn’t admit to it or say that they would never have sex like that and some of them were telling the truth… and a lot of them weren’t.

The girl who would become my wife was bisexual when I met her. I knew she was and I don’t know why I knew it but I did and for years, she categorically denied it but that cat would wind up exploding out of the bag once we got married and along came the ultimatum that we be open so she could take care of her need to have sex with women. I knew she was cheating on me and suspected it was with other women and there were a couple of incidents that cemented her bisexuality firmly in my mind and that fateful day, she confessed. I felt… vindicated knowing that I was right about her, totally unhappy that in all the times we talked about bisexuality – and mine, in particular, she continued to deny that she was, in fact, just like me but now that it was all out in the open, well, things got interesting and beginning with her not being able to find women she could “scratch this itch” with and the effect this had on her and it wasn’t even good.

We were still having sex with each other but I was beginning to be able to tell when, well, it wasn’t me (or another guy since we were throwing it down like that) that she wanted to have sex with. I would often sit and watch her… go through some very bitchy shit and, at first, I couldn’t figure out why she was being so bitchy and moody even after we had sex and, yeah, I’m thinking it’s me but then I would notice how… different she was after going out with the girls or hanging with certain women and, okay, she’s getting some pussy and this is making her a very happy camper and she’s not one when she can’t get any. We would talk about this and verify my “theory” and, at least to me, the solution to her problem was to… get out there and try to get some. Of course, I understood the difficulties she would face in this because they weren’t all that different from the difficulties I would face trying to get pussy or dick and, primarily, not knowing who you could approach like this and the very embarrassing thing of guessing wrong about someone or getting stood up or flat out turned down for… superficial stuff. Admittedly, my wife was never “Barbie”, but she also wasn’t the type of woman that would or could draw sexual attention from other women “easily.”

I never felt so helpless before in my life because there was nothing I could do or say to help her in this other than to keep encouraging her. We were “playing” with other couples and quite a few times, she got to have sex with the other woman and she’d be happy but while, in this setting, she’d get lucky more than she didn’t, it… wasn’t enough but her problem was one that, apparently to me, a lot of bisexual women were having: Not being able to get a steady girlfriend they could be friends and lovers with and I would learn that if women were funny about the guys they’d have sex with, they were even funnier about the women they’d have sex with, too, and being able to talk to a lot of them – and my wife – painted a picture that wasn’t that different from the one I was looking at: Men and women who were bisexual were keeping it very close to their respective vests and women more than men, it seemed. Then again, there was a period where violence against bisexual women was becoming an epidemic and, well, men are some stupid motherfuckers and, yeah, I said it, so that drove bisexual women even further underground and for good reason. While my wife didn’t have this to worry about – I wanted her to get all the pussy she could handle because when she was, life was good and when she wasn’t, not even close to being good.

My biggest problem was trying to get her to understand that if she wanted a woman, she had to get off her ass and go get one. Right along with this and at a higher level of thought, there were a lot of bisexual women putting themselves on lockdown because a guy would figure this out about her and… ask for a threesome. And while there were women who said that they were all for this, there were a great many more who wasn’t trying to hear any of this and more so when there were – and probably still are – men who do not understand that what they wanted to do with another woman didn’t have jack shit to do with anything they’d want to do with a man. It just wasn’t about the guy but, of course, being married to such a woman made this crystal clear to me but bisexual women had a dual problem: Not being able to find a girlfriend they could have sex with and having to deal with men who were losing their ever-loving minds about the prospect of having sex with her and another woman and getting to watch them have sex with each other and the whole dynamic was pretty fucked up – oh, and the perception that bisexual women were on their way to being lesbians so why didn’t they just admit that they were and, yeah, it wasn’t just lesbians saying this but a lot of men who, again, were pretty fucking stupid and not being able to understand this about bisexual women.

What I found that a lot of guys weren’t understanding was that for bisexual women, it wasn’t just about the sex as a “primary focus.” It wasn’t that they were all that incapable of, um, having casual sex with a woman because they could… but they wanted something more meaningful and with deeper emotional content. Not so much “being in love” with each other but… bonding with each other and in ways that men can never bond with a woman and even if sex wasn’t happening but if it did, well, okay. This was about the time when I’d start hearing straight women saying that only a woman knew what a woman needed and it wasn’t “all about them needing dick” but a level of emotional relating that, again, men just suck at… because we’re not women, not that we ever understood them emotionally to begin with.

Ask a woman about “theoretically” getting with another woman and they were so… shit, what’s the word I’m thinking of… “noncommittal” about it. Many would say that if they did – and they weren’t saying that they would (or that they were) – it wasn’t that big of a deal and them not knowing why men were behaving the way they were about this. Well, I knew why – porn. Porn makes this look incredibly erotic when women are making love… and women were not fans of this level of objectification which was worse than being objectified by men in the first place. If a woman was, indeed, bisexual, their best bet was to… never let a man find out that they were because a lot of guys were… running the extremes about them having sex from being stupidly hyped about it to being downright dangerous to women about it.

Did I mention how stupid some men are about this? I saw that that my wife had two problems: One was her knowing that she wasn’t “the type” for a lot of women and this objectification going on from men were further driving bisexual women deep underground and it continued to make her miserable because just being able to have casual sex with a woman… wasn’t enough. Indeed, a lot of the women I knew/know would tell me that, yeah, they could have casual sex with other women but… it wasn’t enough. They, too, wanted something more… binding. Not so much like a “committed relationship” but they wanted a woman that they could… be a woman with and, whew, as a man? Not even the best of us could do this for them because, duh, we’re not female and it was becoming clear that women who said that only another woman knows… was spot-the-fuck-on.

Some guys are of a mind that having a bisexual woman is… da shit. Most of them have no idea how much of a problem it is for such a woman to be able to express this part of them because, on the one hand, women are still very picky about who gets to get naked with them and… stupid men who have tagged them with the “unicorn” label and have put them on a pedestal and not necessarily in a good way. I knew about lesbians who didn’t like bisexual women and for some of the same reasons why gay men didn’t like bisexual men and a lot of it was about the perceived inability to commit and be monogamous with them and, well, if you think men can say some hurtful shit about women, you should hear what women say about each other… and then having to console a bisexual wife who’d spend more time getting her feelings hurt than anything else because she just wasn’t some other woman’s type.

I don’t think that there are too many things that’ll cut someone down to the quick than being rejected. This “poor woman” I was married to wasn’t so much being rejected for sex by other women, but she wasn’t, according to what I was told, not girlfriend material and, well, okay, I understood this and it wasn’t like she was a bad person as far as personality went but she’s always been chubby and large-breasted and women can be just as superficial and picky about these “qualities” as guys can be when looking for some dick. It’s one thing to know this and something else to know that you’re “good enough” to have sex with but not good enough for anything more than this and women, being some very emotional critters, well, this just fucking hurts and incredibly so and it wasn’t just my wife that I was hearing this from. Not only did it seem that there were a lot of bisexual women “hiding” from the lesbian label, guys were still being idiots about it one way or the other and, as such, women continued to have a “common enemy:” Men and lesbians who didn’t much like bisexual women and women who weren’t of a mind to look past what they could see in order to see that they could be more than friends with each other, both emotionally and physically because women knew what it took to totally satisfy them sexually and while there were men who could do them nice, even they couldn’t stand up to how nice they could do each other.

And, of course, married bisexual women have the same problems that married bisexual men do: Monogamy and infidelity. I would learn that having permission is… da shit. But you still gotta be able to find someone you can enjoy this freedom with, right? Right. My wife and I had a… common problem: Trying to get into another woman’s panties. Some of our conversations were quite interesting because we discovered that I didn’t have as many problems having sex with other women but had “the usual problems” trying to have sex with a guy and the opposite was true for her and, hmm, there’s something here that is significant but, at the time, neither of us could put our finger on what that “something” was. The “difference” was that I wasn’t necessarily looking for a girl- or boyfriend in this and she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend… but she seriously wanted a girlfriend and I remember telling her that now she knows what guys go through trying to get a woman because… women are just funny like that and, apparently, even funnier with each other.

My wife and other bisexual women would tell me that “just getting some pussy” wasn’t the problem: It was getting more than that. It wasn’t about “being a couple” so much as it was being able to bond with another woman and in that way that only women can do, and sex was… optional. Or so they said. And even in this, many would say, “If it happens, it just happens and it’s no big deal…” when, I thought, it was a big deal. I got to see my wife have sex with both men and women and I could tell the difference in who she was having the most fun with… and it wasn’t us guys. If she could make love to another woman, she was truly in her element and would be a happy camper for a few days before falling back into her “funk” of not being able to find, get, and keep a girlfriend and, again, many of the bisexual women I knew and talked to had the same complaint and problem.

My wife finally got a girlfriend and a woman she was madly in love with and it was because of this that we went from being open to being poly and… this woman was straight. It had taken me a while to figure out why she insisted we both have her as a girlfriend and not just because I wanted to fuck her – and it wasn’t unknown to either of them – but I eventually did and it all came to a head one night when the three of us were in bed and making love but… my wife was giving off an… anxious vibe and it took me two quick seconds to figure out why and I thought, in the next few seconds, “Oh, shit…” because I knew what my wife wanted and I didn’t know how our straight girlfriend was going to react and, shit, this is about to get messy but I felt I could handle it; I kissed her, looked at her and said, “If it’s what you have to do, then it’s what you have to do.”

And then she did it. Holy shit. I had expected our girlfriend to lose her ever-loving mind and… she not only did not do that but she got into it and to the point that both of them forgot I was there for quite a bit of time. See, there are guys who think it’s incredibly hot to watch women going at each other… in porn. To be right there and seeing it? Holy shit. Now, again, it wasn’t like I’d never watched my wife do this with another woman but… this was different because what I was now seeing wasn’t just about sex but her being in love with a woman… and like she had wanted and needed to be. It wasn’t like our girlfriend wasn’t in love with her because, as it turned out, she was and if you’re thinking this was a slam dunk, you’d be wrong about that because our girlfriend was of the “it’s better to receive than give” variety and, yep, just like I knew a lot of guys to be and it became a problem that I couldn’t resolve or get them to be on the same page about but now she’s got the girlfriend she can have feelings for and have sex with… but not in the “mutual” way she also needed. I’d tell her repeatedly that there are women she can have that kind of sex with and she has permission to do so… so do it already. Except, our girlfiend didn’t want her having sex with any other woman but she also understood that if she didn’t like my wife doing this, um, maybe there’s some stuff she needs to think about and for them to talk about… except, they wouldn’t talk to each other about it and…

Now I have two bisexual women on my hands with “problems” being bisexual. They weren’t the only ones I knew about – just the ones I lived with for a very long time. Okay. I was used to running into guys who wanted to get head or wanted to fuck – but they weren’t trying to give head or take the dick and like they were expecting and demanding I do. I’d heard that women could be like this – “lipstick lesbians” is the term that comes to mind or “pillow princesses” and, apparently, this is a problem for women, too – and on top of how difficult it can be for them to get out there so they can express this part of themselves while avoiding men begging for threesomes or otherwise being stupid about women and their bisexuality.

Do women have an “easier time” with this? No, they don’t and I found myself learning and understanding this because the woman I loved – and from the first moment I saw her – was bisexual and hiding it and trying to understand her also meant trying to understand other bisexual women, you know, if I could get them to talk about it and some wouldn’t until I could convince them that I wasn’t going to be an asshole about it and like guys were being to them. No, not an asshole about it because my lady is bisexual and if I’m okay with her being bi, I’m okay with you being bi but, help a brotha out because I’m trying to do my best to understand all of this and, yeah, I’d often have to “out” myself to such a woman to let her know that I’m bi, too, so if nothing else, we have this in common… and I sure would appreciate them talking to me about what they go through being bisexual and what it all means to them.

I’ve been of a mind that women handle this better than men do… comparatively speaking. It’s a girl thing. Mind your business, dude. We have to deal with the Specter of Gayness and women have their own Specter of Lesbianism to worry about and, oh, that’s right – men. And other women. I learned that bisexual women suppress this and for a lot of the same reasons bisexual men suppress it; bisexual women can get just as bummed out about being bisexual as men can be because it is so damned difficult to find someone to be “bisexual” with and in a way that isn’t just about sex. Some women are like guys in that “it’s not something they’d do all of the time” but as one woman told me, “That changes after a couple glasses of wine…” and, okay, I’ve seen this change with guys after a couple of stiff drinks, too. I wasn’t just learning a little about bisexual women but I was seeing a lot of common ground but if you thought that a bi guy and bi gal could be happy and harmonious with each other, um, I kinda beg to differ because there are a ton of bisexual women out in the world who do not and will not look at bisexual men favorably or, yeah, that double standard that’s part of the wedge between men and women.

The many women who insist that they have a right to have sex with another woman because… it’s a girl thing and one that we don’t understand but I’m bi, not insisting that I have some kind of right to have sex with men but, yeah, it’s guy thing – but, forever and ever, a guy thing we’re not supposed to be doing. Even my wife would tell me that I wouldn’t understand what was going on with her and I’d have to drag it out of her and, sometimes, let her know that I do know what it’s like to be rejected out of hand by guys who, assumedly, I have this in common with and not necessarily talking about gay dudes… who can be even funnier since bi guys have a horrible rep with gay guys… and, apparently, so do bisexual women as far as some – but not all – lesbians do but, again, most of this angst is about that perceived inability to commit to being on “their side” and only on that side and, well, there’s a reason why I say that bisexuality takes all of this and just fucks it up and it fucks it up for men and women alike and for a lot of reasons that are part of the common ground all bisexuals should be able to stand on… and we don’t all that much.

Recall this: Women look for a relationship and find sex. It’s not that they can’t “put sex first” in this equation but from the time they were little girls, they were told not to. That sex isn’t all that important and that a relationship built on sex is the wrong way to have a relationship… with males. Were they told not to have sex with other girls? I don’t know although some bi women I’ve talked to just assumed that the rule that applies to men also applies to them… not that they obeyed it any more than a lot of guys didn’t. Recall this: Men look for sex and find a relationship and the two things are diametrically opposed, right? If you put them together, they should “fit nicely,” right? And it does… but not so much when bisexuality joins the party but, then again, the part where women look for a relationship and find sex… still seems to be a “constant” because a lot of the bisexual women I know have said that it’s not about the sex but about how they can relate to and with another woman… and the sex is gravy. Casually getting some isn’t easy but, in this context, that’s “easy” but finding a woman you can bond with and not just over sex?

Not easy at all. Men don’t help in this. The Specter of Lesbianism doesn’t help. Being bisexual and in a relationship doesn’t help and is the most worst-case situation many bisexuals, male and female, find themselves in. Many say that the bisexual woman is very much the prized and “mythical” unicorn but what I know is that bisexual women… aren’t all that uncommon: It’s just that if she is, chances are that she’s not going to say anything about it and for good reason. I hear bi guys complaining that when it comes to this, women get a pass unless they’re really lesbians, which makes them homosexuals and homosexuals are bad but a bi gal? I wondered why bi gals get that pass and reason that they do because… they’ll also have sex with men and “like they’re supposed to” and, to date, I have not found anything to debunk this and despite the fact that some men are… Neanderthals and totally opposed to women having sex with other women, lesbian or bisexual… but some of these Neanderthals will say that it’s okay if a guy gives them a blowjob or they fuck a guy in the ass – and sometimes because women aren’t fond of this (but neither are a lot of men) and it just fucks shit up because the facts of the matter are that you can have sex with anyone you damned well want to… as long as you’re doing it the way you’re supposed to and under the “proper conditions.”

The third woman who joined our family once told me that she decided that there was nothing that another woman could do for her and, sadly, when she wanted to check it out, her husband at the time… beat the shit out of her because she was having more fun with the other woman than he was having with either of them. I knew she was kinda open to it because she said so but she wasn’t of a mind to pursue it but then, she joined us and went to bed with us… and wrecked shop and like I’ve never seen it before on my wife and left her lying there “speaking in tongues” and very incoherent and I was both shocked and impressed because I’d seen my wife have sex with a lot of women… and didn’t wind up the way she wound up. I had asked her why she did this when she wasn’t interested, and her answer was… why not? If she was going to be a part of this, it was “all in” or not at all. I asked if she changed her mind because she knew that she wasn’t going to get her head handed to her and she said that it was…, part of her decision but not all of it and… that’s all she would say and I didn’t press her about it. I was just… glad that they were getting along with each other… kind of. A whole different story for some other time.

I’ve known women who have said that they would never go both ways. I’ve seen them change their minds about it and… it’s not “that big of a deal” and, indeed, on the surface, women don’t make a big deal about this like guys do but it really is a big deal because bisexual women have a lot of the same problems that bisexual men experience even though society “gives them a pass” and, again, because they will also have sex with men. But just like with guys, women… can “specialize” or there are things they aren’t going to do and, well, it’s how we go about having sex on the whole. We like what we like, we don’t like what we don’t like and we will only do “certain things” with the right person and under the right conditions and there is a lot of commonality involved here as well…

But we’re not feeling it. We don’t believe in anything that looks like homosexuality and, as such, we “don’t much give a fuck” how it affects bisexuals and if I ever thought that male bisexuals had it bad, women have it even worse. A guy is pitching a royal bitch because he found out that his woman… likes women and she’s not supposed to be like this or want to have sex with anyone other than him – period. He’s ranting and raving and acting a fool in my opinion because I know that he has no idea why his woman is bisexual… and that he’s the reason why she is. Come to find out that she was 100% bisexual before she even knew this guy existed but she had to hide it from him – and as she had to from a lot of people but, okay, he found out and… not only lost his mind about it but wound up losing her, too, because of the way he was acting and because… he was too hidebound to understand that, essentially, she needed something that he couldn’t give her… but another woman could and it wasn’t necessarily sex.

A woman I knew to be bisexual asked me, “Why do you motherfuckers find out that we’re like this and the first things out of your motherfucking mouths is some shit about a threesome?” My answer was, “Because guys can be stupid like that and I happen to know that being there and watching two women make love, well, it doesn’t get any more erotic than that. But, unlike a lot of guys, I also know how funny women are about this because, like so many of us, sex is supposed to be one-on-one only and without… spectators. That and there aren’t that many guys I know of who doesn’t have wet dreams about being in bed with two women but, uh, they don’t know what I know about this and many of them think that a threesome with two women just works the way porn “says” it does. The truth is a lot more humbling than they know of and they’re going to learn something about themselves and their bisexual woman. I know that a lot of bisexual women want to be bisexual without a man getting involved in any way because what they want to do has nothing with them wanting sex from a guy – and they can get any guy to screw them but they can’t get any woman to go to bed with them and for more than just the sex that happens.”

She… put away her knives because she saw that I wasn’t one of those “stupid motherfuckers.” I had to tell her how I knew this, being married to such a woman but also that, when and where I grew up, it wasn’t unusual to see two girls getting after each other and without a care in the world because they had no reason to have such cares… until they got older and now there are more reasons to care than there are grains of sand on a beach or stars in the sky. After this, I was… okay with her and I was more than happy to hear this because before I convinced her that I was a true friend of bisexual women – and more so when I, too, was bisexual, she had her knives out and carving me into little pieces because… I was a guy and if one of us is guilty of behaving like this, all of us are.

She just wanted to be with a woman in the way they both wanted to be… and without any male interference of any kind other than a guy who would say, “Go do what you gotta do, baby – and I’ll still be here for you.” And for many bisexual women, they can’t get this and it’s a given that if they asked for permission, they’re not going to get it so (a) there’s no point in asking and (b) well, if you wanna know why your woman is cheating on you with another woman, now you know and it might not be you… but it might because you’re male and, duh, you’re not a woman because… women do know what we don’t. And some women want and need this to be okay with themselves as a person first and foremost and I saw this in my wife and how she suffered with not being as okay with herself as she wanted to be and other women have said very similar things and… it’s pretty fucked up when you look at all of it and how “shit” really rolls down hill and all because of what we believe where The Big Three are concerned and the ever-present angst again anything that looks like homosexuality so, in a way women don’t really get a pass and like men think they do.

A guy asked, “What would you do if your woman told you that she wanted to sleep with other women?” and he got the “shock of his life” when I said, “I’d tell her to do it and have fun.” Once he recovered, he asked me why I would do something dumb like that and I told him that it’s my job to make and keep her as happy as possible and if this is going to make her happy, okay – because I know what it’s like when a woman wants to do this and she can’t and how it can fuck up a relationship. And… he didn’t understand it. He didn’t want to understand it and him preaching to me about the way this shit is supposed to go and be… fell on deaf ears because I’ve heard it all before and if I know that it isn’t right, women know it, too.

What I really wanted to know was why was he asking me, although I had a good idea and learned that he suspected his lady was sleeping with her friend behind his back. Whether she was or not was something I never learned but I saw how even thinking like this bothered the shit out of him and how he made this… suspected thing about her all about him and, yeah, I’ve heard this one more times than I care to think about but if it taught me nothing else, it’s that bisexual women have a lot of the same “base problems” that bisexual men have. He got all into asking me, “What if she leaves you for another woman?” and I told him the truth: “If she does, she does, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Oh, he didn’t like hearing this but I felt that he didn’t understand that relationships have this same potential for loss and regardless of sexuality.

And if this guy was right about her and wasn’t about to let her be the woman she needed to be, if she (a) cheated on him or (b) just up and left him, well, it was because he wasn’t willing to do whatever it took to make sure she was a happy person as far as her being the person she was and happy with him, too. I wasn’t going to tell him that my wife and I had great sex but when she could sleep with a woman? The sex was even better. Her mood was better but when she couldn’t or it was “time” for her to get some and she couldn’t? Hell hath no fury and all that and I did consider this when she demanded that I give her permission or she was going to do it anyway. I did tell him this part and he said that I should have kicked her ass about it and… now he’s off and running about what he wouldn’t do but I shut him down by saying, “My lady is very happy with me and, if you’re right, your lady ain’t so happy with your dumb ass right about now, huh?”

But The Big Three doesn’t allow for this. Relationships don’t allow for this any more than they leave room for, in this case, a woman to change and/or find out that she needs… someone other than a man in order to be the person she needs to be. This doesn’t mean that single women have it easier… because they don’t and now it’s slut-shaming and being “a fake bitch” and using bisexuality to get and trap men into a relationship and, oh, yeah, in denial of being really lesbian and a man-hater. No, bisexual women don’t have it all that easy but bisexual women are putting society and men on notice and letting everyone know that if this is the way they need to be, this is how they’re going to be and you’re either going to get on board… or keep being stupid about it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexual Women

From where I’m sitting, the most amazing thing about bisexual women isn’t that a lot of guys are very damned sure that they’re the most sensual creatures on the planet: It’s that they own that which makes them feel the way they need to be and more so in the face of centuries of slut shaming and being deemed to have less value than farm animals as well as their sole reason for existing is to be barefoot and pregnant and forever subservient to men.

I recall reading, lo these many years ago, something that suggested that women turned to each other for sex and emotional comfort to protect their eggs, a sentiment that very much played into what experts say about sperm being plentiful but eggs not so much. Another thing I read suggested that women got all into women because they needed a break from a man’s appetites for sex and those that tended to drift toward what was then called acts of sexual depravity – and whatever that meant; the writing, at the time, didn’t speak to what the author meant by that but I took it to mean that even as much as women might enjoy getting nailed by a man, well, yeah – why not be able to take a break from that brand of physicality and partake of a more… gentler kind.

Or, as one bisexual lady I knew said, “Sometimes you just get tired of some 200 pound guy laying on you and just mugging you and he’s thinking that it feels good to us; not that it doesn’t but, damn!”

Good point and one that, as a bi guy, I know all too well. At the time I read this, I thought that it made perfectly good sense that a woman would want to take such a break while keeping up with their need for sex and intimacy and as only another woman could provide it; the saying, “Only a woman knows what a woman needs…” also made a lot of sense in this context. The thing, I think, that makes bisexual women insane is that, um, they look incredibly sexual and sensual when they make love and, yep, it got men’s attention big time and to the point where they wanted to be a part of that action.

And a lot of bisexual women weren’t – and still aren’t – of a mind to let our overly horny asses in on the deal because what they do with other women is about them and is meant to be a girl thing so no men allowed. It’s not to say that some bisexual women aren’t open enough to enjoy both at the same sitting but if what I read was truly accurate – that women could have sex while protecting their eggs and it was a much-needed break from sex with men – well, of course keeping it a girl-only thing just makes sense to me.

They have to deal with similar shit that bi guys have to deal with and, primarily, being told that they’re man-hating lesbians and, here of late, they’re more like frauds who use the allure of the bisexual woman to get their hooks into men and, yeah, they’re still sluts and more so when it seems our society hasn’t grown past the view the Victorian Age had about women who just loved having sex – period. Those near-sighted people of that time had a pretty fucked up view about sex and continued that stupid notion that it was okay for men to be out and about sowing oats like there was no tomorrow but women weren’t supposed to so much.

Clearly, women had other ideas about that and when I was thinking about this late last night, I kinda laughed to myself to think back to those moments in history where those all-female “temples” that worshipped the ways of Sappho existed and said to myself, “Um, exactly what kind of worshipping did those people of the time thought was really being done?”

I was remembering a conversation I had with a guy who was totally and completely bent out of shape after learning that his woman was into women and his very Old Testament ranting and raving was, well, embarrassing as he went on and on about who she was supposed to be giving up the pussy to and all that garbage and when I could get a word in, I asked him if he ever considered that if she was getting busy with other women, um, for one, it might not have anything to do with him and it was simply her wanting to have a different kind of sex?

Of course, he didn’t think so and even has some unkind words for me because I was taking her side instead of agreeing with him. Well, I wasn’t going to do that because, for one, I don’t think like that and for something else, I was married to a bisexual woman and I knew a lot of bisexual women and, as such, I knew that they weren’t bisexual simply because they didn’t like sex with men – they were just being open about their desires for sex and other intimacies. Bisexual women have the great misfortune to be surrounded by a whole lot of very stupid people who are even more stupid about sex and intimacy and to the point where they get all pissy about it and shows a great lack of intelligence when they say they don’t understand why a woman would want to lie with another woman for sex…

Um, how about that shit feels good and in more ways than one? Or, how about the sure and certain fact that if they want to, they can – does that work for an explanation? Do you really believe that women can’t be attracted to other women and that those who are just might not be lesbians?

To that end, bisexual women catch the same kind of hell from lesbians that bi guys catch from gay men and here we go with the greedy, cheating, and unable to commit to one person due to confusion and denial shit that is so moronic that it stopped being funny a long time ago. It doesn’t surprise me that a lot of bisexual women hide the fact that they’re bisexual, not because they’re ashamed of being bisexual but who wants to have to listen to this bullshit in the first place?

Another guy at another time was talking about his suspicions that his wife was cheating on him and that she was using her girlfriends to help her cover up her sleeping with other men. The funny thing about this one is that I knew his wife because we’d gone to school with each other and we became good friends and I knew something about her that he obviously didn’t – she was very bisexual – but I wasn’t going to tell him that nor was I gonna put it out there that chances were good that if she was cheating on him, um, her girlfriends weren’t covering up for her because she was dallying with men… but she was probably having sex with those same girlfriends and I also knew that one of her long-time friends from school was just as bisexual as she was.

Here’s a thing about this that I still don’t think a lot of people are able to wrap their heads around: If a woman wants and needs the touch of another woman, there’s nothing a man can do for her because he’s not suitably equipped to take care of that need and I mean both physically and emotionally. You can throw all the dick at her that you can or, yeah, that she might want but if she wants pussy, dude – you don’t have one and you obviously don’t have that depth of emotional connection and intimacy that only women can bring to the table or, the bedroom.

And is it really all that unusual that women want to be sexually liberated, too? Is it really that far-fetched that some women decide that living by “dick alone” just ain’t working for them? Apparently – and sadly – that’s what a lot of people think. I’ve even heard women say that there ain’t a damned thing another woman can do for them… until they find out that there is. In this, women aren’t all that different from men in that they’re stuck in that place where sex is only supposed to be boy/girl only and, well, if ya didn’t know that this was never true, you know it now.

The way it’s supposed to be has never been the way it can really be and what strikes me as being funny is that we have almost always been okay with women being bisexual even when we’re currently in the process of saying that bisexuality isn’t real. We’re even all NIMBY – not in my back yard – about bisexual women; they’re okay and all that… as long as it isn’t our woman or any woman who’s close to us.

Also here of late, I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff where women are once again standing up for their right to be the way they want and need to be. The first iteration was lesbians standing up for their right to be lesbians and now bisexual women are standing up for their right to be bisexual. Not because they hate men or some other stupid shit like that but because it’s just them continuing to stand up for their right to be sexual – period. And if they want and enjoy both, well, do they not have the right to pursue this? I think they do… but many just do not and, yeah, bisexual women in a relationship have learned that the worst thing to be is bisexual and in a relationship… and with someone who clings to some pretty archaic ideas about both things.

Why would a woman cheat on a guy with another woman? I maintain that whenever someone’s needs are being ignored and left unfulfilled, you’re leaving them to their own devices and rather than to walk away from what is, outside of this, a good relationship, taking the action to get what they need is warranted and no matter what the rules say about this.

I even remember a guy asking me what I’d do if my lady told me she wanted to sleep with other women… and I remember that look he got on his face when I said, “I’d let her because I’d rather be with someone who’s happy than to be with someone who is very miserable because she needs something that I can’t give her because, duh, my man, I’m not a woman.”

More bullshit about giving her permission wasn’t the way shit is supposed to be and all I said to him was, “Well, isn’t it your job to make and keep your woman happy? And if you think that dick is the only thing that can make her happy, well, I don’t know why you’d even think that to begin with…” That wasn’t exactly accurate because I do know why he and other guys would think that because if there’s nothing else that we fear, we are seriously afraid that someone is going to come along and do her in a way that’s a lot more satisfying that we are able to do her… and the worst case in this is that the person who just might ring her bell the most could very well be another woman.

A lot of men also don’t seem to understand that if a woman, even our own, wants to be with another woman, it’s not always because we suck at being able to please them or they don’t like sex with us… it’s just that they’ve learned or otherwise have figured out that dick isn’t the only path to their sexual and emotional satisfaction. Bisexual women, and just like bisexual men do, totally debunk and disprove all notions of attraction and as generally accepted. Women do, can be, and are attracted to other women and if that attraction indicates that they should get together and explore each other sexually, well, it’s just what the doctor ordered, ain’t it?

I just think and believe that instead of raking bisexual women over the coals and all that very prudish nonsense, we should just accept that for them, it just is what it has always been and in a relationship mode, well, would you rather live with a happy woman… or one who is miserable as all get out and one who will find reason to make you even more miserable than she is? I know which thing I’d rather do…

Now, to any or all bisexual women who are reading this, yeah: What you do with other women is horribly hot to some of us and, yeah, some of us feel some kind of way (that isn’t good) that y’all can have sex with each other and better than we can do it and for someone who has been privileged and even lucky to be present when women are making love to each other, I can tell you that I’ve felt a lot of envy and a great deal of feeling… inadequate but, sure – how can one not find that exciting? I get that some women just hate the fact that guys do find it exciting and that because we do, we will hoist them up on the highest pedestal we can create and “bow down” and “worship” their glory because, again, wow. Just fucking wow. And wow to the point where I’ve been known to take notes and I’m not joking about that.

That whole “let’s have a threesome” thing? Biggest mistake ever to come out of a guy’s mouth and more so when bisexual women – and like a lot of women – do believe that sex is only supposed to be one-on-one and three’s not only a crowd but a complication they don’t wanna be bothered with. It’s not that threesomes don’t happen because sometimes, a bisexual woman is of a mind that, um, bringing some dick to the party just works since, ah, they do happen to like both after all… but I’ve felt that this is more the exception than the rule and a lot of guys with a bisexual woman do get pretty pissed off that it’s not very damned likely they’re gonna get an invite to even watch, let alone participate.

It just is what it is. I know that the best way to get on a bisexual woman’s bad side is to mention “threesome.” Ooh. Huge mistake. If they weren’t already feeling some kind of objectified because they’re bisexual, well, fella, you ain’t helping her feel better about that and, again to the women who do feel that their bisexuality subjects them to a great deal of objectification? I’m sorry to say this – and I really am – but y’all make having sex look very damned good and I happen to know that y’all are better at a few aspects of it that men, well, we just ain’t all that good at. Again, I can admit to be envious; I can admit to feeling inadequate but the one thing I will never do is to give any bisexual woman a raft of shit because she’s bisexual and doing what she needs to do to be the complete person she needs to be.

Never. And I sure as hell love the fact that more and more bisexual women are standing up for their right to be as sexually liberated as anyone else can be and more so when they do have the right to have sex with anyone they want to and all the rules that say they aren’t supposed to and can’t are pure and unadulterated bullshit. I know that if they wanna be bisexual, there’s nothing anyone can do to prevent it and if they want to be bisexual, they will do so… and by any means necessary and more so when this is about them and it is their life, after all. And, yeah, because I’m bisexual, I most definitely am on their side 100%.

If no other guy does, I see the commonality I have with bisexual women: We both know pretty much the same things about men and women and, you betcha, pussy and dick. The commonality is something we should be celebrating… but the sad part is that we don’t and by not celebrating the things we have in common, all we’re doing is making that gap between men and women even wider than it already is – and it’s always been one seriously huge void between us but one that, I think, bisexuality can do a little something about.

Bisexual women are, hands down, amazing… but not for the reason a lot of people think or, well, honestly, not the only reason. Hot, sexy, and sensual beyond belief? Oh, hell, yeah they are but that’s not the only thing that makes them so amazing but the fact that they’re being more liberated – and in a great many ways that have nothing to do with sex – is what makes them so amazing. They want to be able to get what they want when they want to get it and if what they want is other women, well, why the hell not? And if there are those who are hating on them because of this, well, all they can do is hate on them because these days, a lot of women are ignoring the haters and those still living in the dark ages so they can be the way they want and need to be:

Bisexual and happily so.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Feminist Bisexual Women

Let me start this by saying that I don’t have a beef with feminists. Having said that, I found myself kinda blinking in that “huh?” kind of way to read something a feminist bisexual woman wrote that was so full of what is, to me, recognized as stereotypical claptrap. It’s no secret that women, in general, don’t like being objectified and bisexual women even more so and it’s no secret that women who feel objectified blame men for it and it’s purely our fault that we’re so fascinated and even obsessed with and over them.

It’s an old story; it was ancient before I even first started hearing the complaints women were laying on us and it just has not stopped. It’s a well-known fact that some men – but not all men – think that bisexual women are the shit and we think that because, um, they are… and not just because they can be so erotic and sensual but, yeah, they’re all that, too. Yes… some men are total assholes about it but this is another one of those situations where all men are being demonized for their views of bisexual women based upon the bad apples – we’re just all guilty by association, aren’t we?

It becomes… glaringly obvious that women – and even bisexual women – take a very dim view of bisexual men and we see a continuance of the schism that has divided us and since Adam and Eve first got into an argument about something – and probably that whole getting kicked out of Eden thing. I read what the blog’s author wrote and immediately recognized it because I’ve heard it before; male dominated societies are directly responsible for the objectification of women and bisexual women because we’re all assholes… and it doesn’t really surprise me that there are women who firmly believe this to be the whole truth of things when, actually, it isn’t the whole truth… but who wants to be bothered with the details?

I have a great appreciation of women and bisexual ones and more so when my own bisexuality has taught me a lot of the same things women learn and have had to endure at the hands of men. I can say, without any intent to objectify, that bisexual women are the shit because I know what it takes to be bisexual and, yeah – women tend to be better bisexuals than men tend to be. Not only do they embody eroticism and sensuality in ways that men just can’t come close to duplicating, my experiences with bisexual women have taught me that they just handle being bisexual better than men do.

It’s not as if bisexual women don’t have to deal with their own shitty moments because they’re bisexual because they do… but the question I have and will ask a bisexual woman is, simply, why are you paying attention to the dumb shit? It is a question I’ve asked bisexual men, too and the follow-up question I’ve learned to ask is, “Wouldn’t your time and energy be better spent trying to be the best bisexual you can be?” And here comes the “Yeah, but…” moment. I get that they don’t like the myths, stereotypes, misconceptions, and the mystique that surrounds bisexual women because I sure as fuck don’t like any of the shitty things that are said about bisexual men. I even get that societies are way behind the curve when it comes to ditching its archaic and outdated thinking but such changes do not and cannot happen “overnight” and there are plenty of people who do not take a dim or negative view about anyone who is bisexual…

Doesn’t change the fact that bisexual women are just fucking amazing and when it comes to being bisexual, they put bisexual men to shame and more so when, for the most part, bisexual women tend to be pretty cool about it – and despite the angst they have to deal with and angst that not only comes from men but from lesbians. Again, it’s not that they don’t have their own issues that concern them, like being able to connect with other bisexual women and, yeah, dealing with men who are seriously hyped about them and those who think they’re the most fucked up creature on the planet and all because dick ain’t the only thing they like.

Some – but not all – feminists jump on this like a bad habit… and one of the things I had to learn was to not get offended to hear feminists going off on men. It’s not that they don’t have reason to have the views that they do because they do; our history involving women hasn’t been what anyone would call nice or right but, yeah: There are those who still hold onto very tightly that women are of no real value and they should stay in their place and, sadly, that means on their back, legs gaped open, and with a dick in them. It’s a continuing mindset that offends me and I really don’t like being lumped in with the bad apples.

But to those feminist bisexual women? The question that remains is why are you still riffing about this instead of, again, focusing your energies on being the best bisexual – and really – person you can be? Global societies are what they’ve always been and it’s been proven that any changes societies undergo never happen as quickly as they need to and even when change has managed to be effected, there are still those people who will resist change and bitch and moan about there being no reason for anything to change. I wasn’t offended by what this woman wrote…

But I was… dismayed to see that there are still women who are still buying into the bullshit and blaming men for their woes. As I said to her in my comments, the problem isn’t that “all men are assholes” – it’s that women keep giving this way too much weight and power over them and not looking at the… celebrity status bisexual women have as a good thing. That any woman is a sexual object… well, shit: They were designed to be and for obvious reasons, I think. I know that some – but not all – women can’t stand the fact that they’re sexual objects; I agree that there’s more to a woman than her sexual potential and men, in particular, should take a woman’s non-sexual potential into consideration as well.

The fact of things is that, nope – not all men are able to see past the tits and ass and bisexual women – and I do sincerely apologize for saying this – are the most erotic people on the whole damned planet. I’ll even admit to being jealous and envious because they are way better at being sensual than myself or any other man I know – but it’s not like we don’t try. I’ve seen guys literally fall to pieces or lost their minds to even think about being interested in another guy but bisexual women, well, if it bothers them that another woman finds them enticing – and even if they’re not into it – they don’t really bitch about it and, I’ve always thought, that it’s because they understand what it’s like to be a woman.

You might be thinking, “Duh!” and if you are, that might indicate that you really don’t know what that means. Women just get it and it’s not like men – in particular – have never given them reason to find the comfort in the arms of another woman because, sadly, we have… but just like some bi guys are, women also just innately bisexual; they know it; they feel it and, often, early on in their lives… but just like any bisexual, they are very fearful of what someone else is going to say about them because they’re not straight and then catching all kinds of hell from the other side because they’re not gay.

I kinda rhetorically ask that if someone is at fault or to blame for this, does any of it lie with the people who are so fucked up in the head about this… or is it the fault of the people who are listening to it and letting it affect their lives? I’d never say that feminists don’t have a bone to pick with the way things are because they do – and sexuality has nothing to do with it – but the ancient and outdated way we’ve always looked at women is directly at fault and women have been fighting against this for the longest time and, yes, it’s high time for this archaic mindset to just die…

It ain’t gonna happen any time soon. I am beyond being tickled pink to see so many bisexual women coming to the front and standing up for their right to be bisexual; I am like a kid in a candy store to read/hear their stories of how they’re owning their sexuality and reveling in it and more so when many just don’t give a fuck what anyone else has to say about it, be they male or female. The schism between men and women has existed from the beginning and the schism gets wider when, like I said earlier, there are bisexual women who want to be respected as bisexual women… but bisexual men? Worst creatures ever born. But even that is slowly but surely changing, isn’t it? One of the “facts of life” is that you don’t get respect without giving respect. Another fact is that just because you have the right to self-determination doesn’t mean that there’s not going to be others who think you have no right to be anything other than they think you should be.

Men think, again, that bisexual women are the shit… because they are and the funny part is that bisexual women know that they are… and some just don’t like it. Too many men are stuck in the old and stupid ways of interacting with women and you’d think that after eons of devaluing women, we’d know better than to keep lessening their value and contributions to this thing we call life… and here in the year of our Lord, 2020, there are still men who see women only as sexual objects and believe that they should be and stay barefoot and pregnant and that’s all the “real worth” they have.

Men who think like this are pretty fucking stupid… but feminists, wow, you do know that not all men are that fucking stupid, don’t you? To the feminist bisexual women, okay, bisexual men aren’t women… but do you know that we know a lot of the same stuff you know about men? That us bi guys are, on the whole, totally and completely jealous of the fact that the same society you’re bitching about tends to give bisexual women a pass and puts them on a pedestal… while doing their level best to bury bisexual men by the ongoing process of demonizing and vilifying us? That bisexual women don’t think much about us even though we have bisexuality in common with them and if nothing more than that?

Which is better: A bisexual woman or a bisexual man? Bisexual women win this one every time. But, understandably, women have a beef over being seen “only” as sexual objects… doesn’t change the fact that they are and, again, I’ll even apologize for saying it – again. I know – and so do a lot of guys – that women are more than sexual objects and some of us have learned this the hard way because there aren’t many of us who have failed to get the girl – or to have her leave us – and all because we didn’t value her beyond her sexual potential. It just seems that to feminists, we’re all guilty of having this fucked up mindset…

And not all of us are. I’m just one guy (who happens to be bisexual, too) but I moderate and contribute to a blog for bisexual women and do and say whatever I can to let them know that it’s okay for them to be bisexual and if no one else does, I applaud and celebrate the fact that they’re bisexual and want to be all up in it and in whatever way they want to. Amazingly sensual and erotic – sorry, ladies, you just are. And more genuine than a lot of bi guys I know of. Bisexual women are more… simpler in what they want and need in this… and it’s not always sex… and I’ll say the more “radical” feminists should be aware that there are men who are more than aware of this and how really and truly valuable bisexual women are… and just not because they’re bisexual.

I’m just the guy – and a bi guy, at that – who, once more, has the fucking nerve to say something about it. I ain’t saying that feminists are wrong and never will; I’m not saying that they should give up their fight against city hall and all that; I am saying that not all of us guys are idiots and assholes and they might benefit from being more specific in their condemnation and angst against men and in such a general and stereotypical way. Their struggle is real but like so many other with such views, they’re stuck in the past and too… prone to being rhetorical and dogmatic in their objections to the way things are. It sucks and I’d be the first guy to admit that it sucks but feminists aren’t going to get men to change their minds by kicking us in the nuts at every turn and blaming their woes – which are real – on us when, again, it’s not that some men do this shit… but the fact that too many women give it too much weight and allows this bullshit to have power over them.

I’m fairly sure that the women whose blog I commented on is going to flame me in some way or reply in some very snarky way that will make it sound like I don’t understand what bisexual women are up again: I do understand it and if for no other reason that I, too, am bisexual and subject to a lot more dumb shit than women are. The difference? I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to it because I really do have better things to do. I give it no real weight and it has no power over me because the only person that can stop me from being the bisexual I am is… me.

And I have no plans to stop being bisexual any time soon. When I write about bisexuality, I have more than enough reason to go on a rampage about women having a hair stuck in their asses about male bisexuals and I don’t… because it serves no purpose and there’s nothing to be gained from it. It’s not all women with that hair stuck somewhere they’d rather not have it stuck but it is some women and I wouldn’t blame the… matriarchal mindset for the woes I continue to hear about where bisexual men are concerned. The people who should be targeted and raved against are those people who do not believe that bisexuality is real and that no one should be bisexual. That whole acceptance thing? It’d be nice is we could all just grow the fuck up and accept that this is some real-deal shit and doesn’t make a difference if the bisexual is male or female…

The fact is I know – and even if no other bisexual knows – that we don’t fucking need the acceptance of others. Our mission, if we choose to accept it, is to be bisexual and regardless to who doesn’t like it and the fault, in the case of women, isn’t the sole property or domain of men but that of every- and anyone who doesn’t believe that bisexuality in anyone is a real thing… and that no one has the right to be bisexual.

It’s not my fault that some men have shitty attitudes about bisexual women and I do kinda object to being lumped in with them because I know – and even if the feminists don’t know or want to believe – that I’m on their side and always have been and despite the fact that I do think that bisexual women are the coolest, most erotic, and sensual people on the planet…

Because they are. And I don’t see this as a bad thing but it’s a damned shame that a lot of women think that it is. I do not and cannot speak for all men, bisexual or otherwise; I can only speak for myself and I can only speak to what I know and, importantly, what I’ve experienced since I’ve been with and know a lot of bisexual women. I value them and more so for being brave enough to be bisexual and in the face of all this ongoing bullshit. They are more than sexual objects – all women are – but facts are facts: Women were designed to be and us guys are programmed in that very annoying way to be attracted to them and, yeah, even more so when they’re bisexual… and that’s not really the bad thing some women think it is.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Post From Another Blog

I have the honor and privilege to be a moderator and contributing author on a WordPress blog devoted to bisexuality and female bisexuality in particular. In this very short writing, I want to bring to your attention a post I wrote on that blog about the plight of bisexual women and in the form of a “letter” to men who have discovered that they have a bisexual with them.

To the Husbands/Boyfriends of a Bisexual Woman

Hope it sheds some more light on some stuff.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Double Standard

Summer, 1981. We were finally moving into a new place, a dual apartment building complex that were “the projects” only because the housing authority ran it. It had been a long, harrowing day. I was tired, hurting, the wife was tired, hurting and the kids were tired and even crankier than they were when we started the move, making both of us cranky.

I was bringing up the last boxes of stuff and thinking that moving was only the beginning – all that stuff now had to be put in place, I had to put the kids’ beds back together as well as our own although, as tired as I was, just putting the mattress on the floor would have worked.

As I entered the building a movement caught my eye and it took my eyes a second or so to adjust to the darkened entranceway and when they did, there was a woman, on her knees, and blowing some guy who was leaning against the wall. I didn’t really stop but I did slow down so I could see what was moving.

The guy against the wall was thrusting into the woman’s mouth; she had two hands full of his bare butt cheek and slamming her face into his crotch in time with his thrusts. He moaned and shuddered and even my tired mind said, “He’s busting a nut…” Now I am standing still because I don’t want to startle either person but just as I started to move again, the woman withdrew, the guy’s limp cock fell out of her mouth, and they both turned to look at me.

The dude gave me the standard greeting – the reverse nod – stuffed his cock into his pants and, get this, asked me if I needed help with the boxes I was holding. I shook my head no but the woman got to her feet – wow, she was a really big girl – and she nodded and said, “You wanna be next? I’m still hungry.”

“No, thanks – I just didn’t want to scare y’all and some shit jump off,” I said and climbed to our new third floor apartment. I told my wife what had taken me so long and all she said was, “We live in the projects now – put those boxes over there.”

In our first week there, I learned that the woman giving head – and the guy receiving it – both lived in the complex – her on the first floor and right by the cubby she was, um, working in that first night and he lived in the second building. One of the neighbors was telling me about the woman on the first floor; she wasn’t selling herself but she had an incredible appetite for dick and that, being new there, I was probably the only guy whose dick she hadn’t sucked.

No one seemed to be appalled that she had been blowing this guy in plain sight of anyone who came into the building.

The following week, word spread like a wildfire through the complex. Apparently, one of the girls who lived in the complex got busted in the other building’s basement, assuming the position while some dude was banging the shit out of her. Apparently, he must’ve been giving her the dick real good because it was her, um, vocalizing that got them busted in the act and her mom was livid…

But the other tenants didn’t seem to be shocked by this and one woman said, “It happens – she just got caught, that’s all – and it ain’t the first time she got caught.” She went on to tell me that this same girl got caught I’m the same basement locked in a 69 with another girl. Rumor had it that whoever caught them excused themselves and walked away and no one knew if she got ratted out to her mom.

The woman telling me this said – and in a kinda bored way – “A lot of pussies get eaten around here and in any dark corner that can be found…” and like it was no big deal and maybe it wasn’t because she also said, “You stay here long enough, you just get used to shit happening.”

Maybe a month later, the complex’s rumor mill got cranked up again and alarmingly so. It seems that, I the basement of the building I lived in, two male complex dwellers were just busted in the act, caught in a 69 and, I guess, having a dick-sucking good time before whoever busted them showed up. Everyone was speculating whether the two young men were gonna get their asses beat down for this and, indeed, many of the residents were up in arms about these two guys getting caught blowing each other in the basement’s dank darkness.

“But no one is upset about those two girls or girlfriend on the first floor?” I had asked one of the guys standing there listening to what sounded like a lynch mob being formed,

“Nah, not really,” he said, his face an angry mask. “Those motherfucking faggots need their asses kicked and maybe their families should be kicked outta here! I got half a mind to report them to the housing authority!”

No one got lynched or beaten to death – well, not that I heard. Two days later, the girl who got busted being fucked and eating pussy got busted again sucking one dude’s dick while the other was fucking her… and a third dude was waiting for his turn.

And no one, again, was bent out of shape except maybe her mom.

Girlfriend do the first floor? Saw her a few times I’m that dark corner sucking cock and once with a couple of dudes waiting. I was concerned big time, thinking about my kids coming in and getting an eyeful of this woman feeding her hunger for cock. Mentioned it to one of the fellas and he said, “Nah – when she rolls like that, she makes sure it’s late at night.”

Like it was no big deal. So I asked him, “When everyone was talking about those two boys who got busted, everyone was losing their minds… but this other shit is going on like all off the time… and y’all act like it ain’t nothing worry or be concerned about. What’s up with that?”

He shrugged and said, “Two dudes doing it is just fucked up and wrong!”

“And you don’t find it wrong that girlfriend over there might as well have a revolving door installed with all the dudes going in and out of there and getting done in plain sight at night?”

“Nope,” he said. “It is what it is, home skillet.”

“But two those boys ain’t in the same category?” I asked.

“Definitely not!” he exclaimed and went on to tell me what he would have done if he was the one who caught the boys in the act.

I’m no prude, then or now, but I was beyond shocked at the attitude and more so when I had it on good authority that a lot of the men in both buildings were getting their fair share of dick, you know, seeing as how we all kinda hung out together.

Various… incidents hit the rumor mill from time to time, like homegirl on the first floor now adding eating pussy to her list of favorite things to eat. And no one found a thing unusual about it. The young girl giving up the pussy to “everyone?” Got busted a few times and wound up pregnant – and the rumor was she didn’t know who knocked her up. Those two boys? Got busted again dicking each other down and the reaction was like nothing I’d seen before and some of the adults were talking about forming a posse, going over to “where those faggots lived,” and reading any adult they found the riot act.

But what no one was talking about was the amount of sex – and some of it same-sex – that was going on and, yeah, I wanted to know why.

The guy I asked looked at me like I’d just gotta off the boat and said, “We don’t get caught doing it – that’s the difference!”

“Yet, everyone in the complex knows who is fucking who…” I said, trying to get my head around this disconnect and double standard of behavior. “You lost your mind about those two boys fucking… but, um, weren’t we blowing each other just a couple of days ago?”

“That was different,” he said. “Nobody saw us doing it.”

“They knew it, didn’t they? Didn’t I hear whatshisname ask you if I had a nice dick and if I was any good?”

“Yeah – you know he wants to check you out for himself, right?” he asked.

“And, um, don’t we both know what our wives are doing with each other?” I asked.

“Yeah – that shit if fucking hot, ain’t it?”

“I don’t get it – we both know what’s going on around here – not that I’m complaining, mind you – but I don’t see how any of that is different.”

“I keep telling you, man – those faggots got caught in the act!” he said and with a bit of heat in his voice.

“But none of the fellas who are getting some dick are faggots, right?” I asked even though I knew what his answer was gonna be.

“Hell no!”

Okay. I let it drop after that conversation and tried to wrap my head around the whole mess and particularly how a bunch of dudes who almost routinely sucked each other off and damned near on a daily basis could be ready to kick those younger guys’ asses for doing the same thing. Or no one batted an eye at the number of women who were just as routinely going down on each other and fucking someone else’s man.

And no one said “boo” to the big girl with the very major oral fixation but I figured out why no one was taking her to task for her public displays because a lot of the complex’s residents availed themselves of her skill sets and no one wanted to hassle this “golden goose” who was doing it for free.

But the double standard at work would often come back to poke me in the ribs. Those two boys didn’t get caught again that I knew of… but I found it damned peculiar and quite hypocritical to listen to men I knew for a fact were sucking dick and taking in the ass berating – and sometimes, voicing “threats” toward those boys who were doing what they were doing, getting caught in the act or not. Everyone knew those guys were lovers and were always ready to tar and feather them… but everyone knew what guys were all up in it – but that was okay?

The pussy-eating women in the complex were revered as goddesses and there wasn’t a guy in the building who didn’t know what women were very good in bed, could suck a mean dick as well as which women didn’t mind taking it in the ass.

I didn’t understand it and here, decades later, I still don’t understand it. We moved out of the complex sometime after my brother died in 1985 – I think it was the summer of 1986 or close enough for government work. Our ship had finally come in and we were on our way to moving on up. But I’ve never forgotten living there, the things we experienced there… and that maddening double standard I can’t make any sense of.

The only people doing something heinous were the two guys who were lovers, well, until both families moved out in 1983, if I remember correctly. And even after they were gone, they were still talking about those two “motherfucking faggots” that lived in the other building. One guy was ranting and raving about it… just before he started sucking my dick. Didn’t make sense then, doesn’t make any sense today and despite everything I’ve learned going forward.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexuality and Age

Saw an older post on the forum where the OP asked if guys who are bi when they get older are really bi (or something to that effect) and the comments were… interesting.

Many of the comments were from older guys around my age and in sexless marriages but one guy emphatically suggested that older dudes stop blaming women for their predilection for cock which, I guess, has some merit except that it always seems to be a “logical progression” for guys in sexless marriage to want to play with a dick. That responder suggested that the reality is being made celibate by a woman who is not all that interested in sex is just an excuse to do something they’ve probably always wanted to do.

The question popped into my head, “Well, what about all the guys who discover this when they’re older, not married or still married, and still getting pussy?”

Another responder offered that as men get older, their testosterone levels drop but their estrogen levels increase and I said to myself, “Hmm…” because from what I understand, our sex drive is tied to how much testosterone we have (and are supposed to have) and guys suffering from Low T report that their desire to have sex has gone out the window along with other complaints.

An increase in estrogen might “feminize” our features but as a reason why older guys “suddenly” want to play with dick? Not sure that’s what’s really going on.

It surprises guys and especially those who’ve never entertained a single thought about this. Maybe it surprises guys who “fooled around” back in their day, got away from it, only to have it revisit them out of nowhere but, as one responder said, he had sucked a dick in his youth… but when he did it at his current age, all it did was confirm what he always thought: That he was bisexual.

Not everyone feels the pull in this direction. Some feel it and manage to ignore it while, duh, others feel it at some point in their life and feel compelled to investigate. Some guys are perplexed because, okay, they did it when they were younger and, I dunno, figured that they got it out of their system and that was that… then find themselves dealing with the great urge to play with a dick.

Age, such as it is, doesn’t appear to be much of a determining factor, does it? I often talk about triggering events that can be responsible and, yeah, sometimes, a woman is involved in the triggering process but the reality is that anything can be a trigger from being stressed, emotionally distressed and depressed, to somehow coming to the conclusion that, um, I’ve done everything a man could do with a woman and doing them with a guy is next on the list.

One responder offered that older guys turn to dick because they know they’re running out of time and as if sucking a dick/being fucked is a bucket list item. Maybe it is for some older guys but I don’t think this is a general frame of mind or even that “Oh, shit…” moment you have when you get to be around sixty or so. But, if so, it’s also a triggering event to do something that, prior to being triggered into action, they never really thought about doing and whether there was some other need to do so or not.

Even my protege, when we first met, was perplexed by this even though, after further review, he did admit to being what I’d call a tiny bit curious, that and he could point to specific events in his youth where something could have happened between himself and another guy but it didn’t. So when he asked me how this happens to guys – and to guys who are “normally” pussy-centric, my first response was, “It just happens but no one really understands why…” – and then I went through the list of things I’ve seen first-hand that will make a “pussy-only” guy “suddenly” come to the conclusion or otherwise decide that having carnal knowledge of another guy’s prick just makes good sense…

Despite that thing that lives inside us that says it doesn’t make sense at all.

Everyone who is late to the party has a story to tell about how they got to this point, from girl problems to even admitting that they’ve felt this way for the longest time and they’re just now getting around to doing something about it if they can. What’s clear to me is that some guys can point to a specific thing, a moment or event, in their lives and, okay, cool – but what continues to mystify me and others are those guys who really do wake up one morning and think, “Today would be a good day to suck a dick!” – then they’re wondering why they want to.

I can’t explain it and I’m not really sure if anyone can. I just know that it happens and it doesn’t make much of a difference how old you are when this lands on you although, admittedly and thanks to the Internet, we see there are a lot of guys my age (and older) who are partaking of the dick for the first time in their lives.

Or, like one guy I talked to who said, “Why not? Everyone else is checking it out!” when I asked him what possessed him to want to give this a try. It begs the question of whether or not this is some biological process that’s just now waking up or if it’s really some weird sense of logic going on but, sure, as mentioned in my scribble about nature versus nurture, there are environmental things happening that makes, say, wanting to suck a guy’s dick just seem logical and sensible.

I know a lot of men and women who have said they’d never do anything like this… and then they do… and they’re wondering what happened and, to be honest, I wanna know, too, because this is one aspect of bisexuality that just defies explanation but, yep, it still happens and thanks to greater visibility, we’re learning that it’s not as uncommon as we might think.

There are those who suggest that our propensity and drive to have sex just pushes us in this direction and maybe that’s true but, again, how do you prove it? Some of us jumped onto the wagon before the onset of puberty, you know, when all those hormones wake up and turns us into sex fiends and experimenting with dick, again, just makes sense. Why? How? Damned if I know.

I supposed that due to a previous lack of visibility, being older and discovering bisexuality seems to be a glaring incongruity and it has guys asking, “Why now and why not any time before now?” You could say that everything happens when it’s supposed to happen but that’s kinda… vague but when you really can’t explain something, this one usually works… but still doesn’t really explain things or answer the many questions that pop up relative to this.

And who really knows how shit in our heads really works? I’ve heard a lot of people ask, “Why does this just make sense?” and, again, damned if I know but something is going on in that lump of grey matter that comes to the conclusion – and by some unknown means – that checking out the other side of sex really does make sense.

Or, as a lot of people have told me, “Sounded like a good idea at the time…” You can safely say that if a guy (or even a gal) had this on their mind at any point in their life and in that “I wonder what it would be like?” way, sure, that might lend itself to wanting to answer that question. Likewise, for those who dabbled early on and are coming back to it, sure – makes sense since they’ve done it before.

Does not even come close to those folks for which those two conditions didn’t exist for them, does it? I just don’t agree with any theory that getting older is a catalyst in and of itself since, again, I know you can be of any age and this can bumrush you out of nowhere.

It just happens to some folks and I know this because I’ve been around long enough to see it happen. Believe it or not, for a lot of guys, going this route is, indeed, an option… but of the “last resort” kind. For these men, a lot of things has to happen in a specific way and at a specific time before they’d even think about taking this option. They could if they had to but if they don’t have to, okay, that works… right up to the moment when whatever conditions they’ve set come into play and does that weird think of confusing the shit out of them while making perfectly good sense.

And maybe, just maybe, once gets to be a certain age and gets to understand that whatever they knew about sex really doesn’t make sense when it comes to excluding playing with a dick (or a coochie if you’re an older gal). Now, what age might that be? Realistically, it can be any age – you really don’t have to be “old” to wise up to certain things and as evidenced by the many 20-somethings who are up to their eyeballs in it… and because it makes sense to be all up in it.

A lot of years ago, I read this question: “What price do you put on your sexual satisfaction?” It made me realize that we do put a price tag on it and in the form of what we’re not gonna do in that pursuit of orgasmic bliss. Then someone “decides” that having too high a price tag on it not only doesn’t make sense but defeats the purpose of having sex because, you know, that shit just feels good. Is it logic… or something else we can’t qualify or quantify? Biology or one’s social environment?

Don’t know. Again, I know it happens; I’ve heard what those who have come over to the bi side has said and I have some understanding of some things that can trigger someone’s “inner bisexual.” Can’t point to any one specific or definitive thing. Overthinking the whole thing? Perhaps but it’s a question a lot of men and women ask and, yeah, it requires a whole lot of thought and so much that the best advice you can give someone who’s trying to figure out why they have an urge to play with a dick (or a pussy) is for them to just accept it… because there’s no singular way to really explain it and more so when we all don’t arrive at this place for the exact same reasons… and if there’s even a reason one can point to… and sometimes, there isn’t one or one that could be said to make “real sense.”

There are those who’d frown at a 70-year-old guy who has just now discovered how much fun it can be to play with a dick and those frowners would berate him for wanting to do something that has been forbidden all this time. Maybe we accept his reasoning behind making this decision (and “all late and wrong”) and maybe we don’t because those of us who’d never have a reason to go there can’t understand why someone very much wants to go there. And if you were to ask this guy about it, maybe he can find the words to explain it… and maybe he can’t. In this, we make a lot of fuss about what’s being done… but why continues to escape us or isn’t worth all of the time and effort it takes to dig deep and try to figure out why this happens to some late – and later – in life.

Even I tend to boil it down to as simple a thing as my brain can make it: It happens and it’s always happened and it’ll keep on happening and without any one thing that can be singled out. At this very moment, there’s a 64-year-old man or woman who has been bitten by the bisexual bug, just like there’s someone 16 or even younger who’s been bitten.

Age just doesn’t make a difference in this.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: That Ball of Confusion

Do you know the song by The Temptations? It came out during a time in our history when Vietnam, a war we should have never been involved in, had gotten on everyone’s last good nerve; it was funky, hard-hitting with its lyrics and not a bad song to dance to and one of many songs written and performed by artists in the 1970s who used their talents to not just entertain but to send pointed messages to our government to let them know how much they were fucking shit up… and we weren’t hearing any of it any longer.

And the band played on…

When someone discovers bisexuality in themselves, they’re often very confused by the dual assault on their feelings and sensibilities and it’s been a pretty consistent thing and for as long as I can remember. Right off the bat, people from my generation found themselves very confused because bisexuality wasn’t that well-known or even talked about with any degree of seriousness, that and it was way too easy to confuse bisexuality with homosexuality which few wanted to be associated with.

Followed by the fact that the weight of the moral majority and the insistence that despite some obvious changes in things that has been taking place in a “subculture” kind of way, most notably, “Flower Power” and the Sexual Revolution and in a time when people were saying, “Make love, not war!” and meant it literally, any deviation from the “rules of engagement” when it came to love, sex, and relationships were not to be allowed.

So a lot of us grew up knowing for a fact that if you were a boy, your only interest should be in girls and vice-versa and while that may have been all well and good, many people were finding that, nope, that wasn’t what was going on with them. They were pretty sure they weren’t gay… but didn’t know what they were based on their feelings.

“If I’m only supposed to feel this way toward girls/boys, why am I feeling what I’m feeling?”

Well, um, because the rules says you’re not supposed to… but I wondered why the rule existed in the first place; it didn’t make sense to me to be feeling in ways that I wasn’t supposed to until “kid logic” suggested that it wasn’t my feelings that didn’t make sense: It was the rule that didn’t.

Later in life, I figured out that the rule was put in place because those who crafted it knew what our sexual potential was and wanted to nip it in the bud and squash it. Most rules are enacted not to prohibit future behaviors… but to control existing ones.

So here I was, a bisexual kid, born in the 1950s and one who had figured out this ball of confusion… and one that, sixty some odd years later, still exists despite the wealth of information that has been compiled and being distributed via the Internet. Okay, not really the most reliable source of information but mixed in with the junk info, there’s the truth of this.

The gist of this is you’re confused because you’ve been given conflicting information; there’s what we’ve all been taught about this and then there’s what’s really been going on the whole time. Note that it’s not said that you can’t feel something for both men and women – it’s said that your focus should be opposite sex only so if you looked at men and women and both returned similar feelings, ignore them and go in the opposite sex direction but, okay, if ya went in the same sex direction, well, we have a special section of hell for you misguided perverts.

If one could be high confused to discover they were homosexual, perhaps you can imagine the incredible clusterfuck that goes on in someone’s mind to find out, after beating their heads against a few walls, that they’re both heterosexual and homosexual and the varying degrees notwithstanding at this point.

Yeah… pretty fucking confusing, wouldn’t you say? Get this: Bisexuality, as a subject matter, can make sense to people but it only really and seriously hits home when you’re the bisexual, whether you really “knew” it all along or it really did sneak up on you and grab you by the crotch and by way of introduction.

“Hey there! I’m about to expose you to something that’s really gonna blow your mind so I hope you’re sitting down… not that it’s gonna matter or help you one bit – but you’ll see soon enough!”

And, yeah, it hits those people the hardest who are of a mind that they could never, ever be anything but heterosexual. In an early conversation I had with my protege, he had asked why so many people were so highly upset over this bisexuality thing and my answer was, “Because bisexuality takes everything you thought you knew about love, sex, and relationships and just trashes it. A lot of apple carts got upset (to put it mildly and blandly) to discover that homosexuality was really a thing… and now, all in “one fell swoop,” the world is finding out that there is something between being straight and gay.”

Despite what the famous – or infamous – Kinsey Report said about this, we kinda/sorta settled into thinking that, infamously, you were either straight or you were gay… then found out that we were still pretty much believing a lie. No gray area, just black and white only.

But the confusion persisted due to a lack of credible information although, through my own research, I learned what happens when we fail to learn from history given the number of historic figures who were bisexual and some surprisingly so. Not really talking about notable figures in the here and now – I’m talking about way back in time, two hundred years or more but, sure, go Google “famous bisexuals in history” and see for yourself that bisexuality was alive and well…

Just not something taken seriously or paid much attention to and, I’d suppose, that make a kind of sense given how rabid we were about eradicating homosexuality from the human gestalt and condition which, I’ll remind you, didn’t work as expected so it kinda makes you wonder why we continue to think that bisexuality will be – or even should be – eradicated.

Didn’t work the first time, ain’t gonna work this time, either.

Today, there’s all kinds of stuff about bisexuality but none of it that I’ve seen speaks to that moment of confusion most new bisexuals feel nor does any of the more, let’s say, credible stuff explains why the feeling of confusion tends to persist even though one can have bisexuality explained to them… and it’s my thought that it persists because there’s a part of our mind that just won’t let go of the conditioning it received to first and foremost be heterosexual. Then you pile on all the biphobia stuff and, well, that ain’t helping matters any because what you know still isn’t matching up to what’s really going on with you.

I don’t think those early rule makers could even think about how, in the unforeseen future, this edict would, could, and continues to cause a great deal of confusion in people. Their motive was prevention and suppression and while they succeeded in this to a large degree, the confusion was a “side effect” no one could have possibly seen coming and even if they did see it on the horizon, it must have had them laughing their asses off to think that, way down the road, this whole thing would confuse people so much that it just might get them to stop thinking about it and act like they were told to.

Eh, not so much, it seems. Not that everyone embraces their feelings of bisexuality but I also think that an unexpected consequence of the rule making action was to make people question the rules because, again, what we were told and made to believe just ain’t matching up to what has been going on all this time and overshadowed by homosexuality.

“I’m confused.” I’ve heard and/or have seen this so many times it isn’t funny and the reason for the confusion is actually pretty easy to explain… but not so easy to accept because, again, everything you thought you knew, everything that you believed, was just proven to be incorrect at the least, an outright lie at the worst. The confusion is pretty horrific; it’s part intelligence, part emotional and even when you can intelligently wrap your head around what you’re feeling, emotionally, it’s the clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks – it’s the thing that makes people ask themselves why this happened to them, makes them say that they didn’t ask for these powerful and confusing feelings and, yeah, sometimes and in some people, it can almost literally shut their brain down and force a reboot which, as such things tend to go, may or may not work and more so if the original fault producing cause isn’t dealt with.

But how do you deal with the cause of the fault when it’s the morality we live by that’s causing your brain to keep rebooting? It’s why the next and usual question from someone confused by this is, “What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?” And the answer isn’t always as forthcoming since, um, no one was ever taught to deal with such an internal conflict although, yeah, sure, the “typical” response to this is sexual – and emotional; I don’t want anyone to forget this aspect.

In an earlier writing along these lines, I opined about those folks who believed that the world was flat… and how it fucked with their heads when it was proven that, nope, it’s not flat – it’s mostly round but the reason you thought and believed it was flat was because ships, in particular, always seemed to disappear once they crossed the horizon.

Even in this, it took a whole lot of time and quite a few inhumane reactions for humans to get their head around the fact that the world wasn’t flat and quite contrary to that which they had always believed.

Bisexuality is like that. Even today, when we’ve kind recovered from the initial shock of bisexuality being a real thing (which still gives me a bad case of the giggles), we are going out of our way to say that it isn’t and shouldn’t be and the harder we try to poke holes in it, the more we’re seeing that it’s fairly poke-proof but we do give it the good old college try just the same. Why?

Because, once again, everything we thought we knew about love, sex, and relationships has been turned on its head; we’ve been hit with the truth and in true human fashion, eh, we’re not handling it very well.

“Am I ever going to stop being confused by this?”

Sure you will… the moment you stop believing in something that obviously isn’t true. Ya don’t have to do anything about it if you can’t or don’t want to but the truth is bisexuality has always been a real thing and it can happen to anyone at any time, with or without “warning” and is something that can be entered into purposely as well as “accidentally.”

The rules don’t just disappear; even as I sit and type this, I can “feel” them circulating around in my head because, sure, I know what they are just like mostly everyone does… I just don’t buy into them because I know they’re flawed. I’m male and a man (for all you gender folks) and I know for a fact that my interests should only be in women… just like I know for a fact that they aren’t. What I know just doesn’t match the reality I’ve experienced and while there may have been a time when I was similarly confused – “How can something that feels so good be so bad?” – I stopped being confused once I figured out why I was confused in the first place.

Which is why I spend as much time as I do writing about this so that others will know that there’s a reason why they feel confused and that reason is conflicting information. Now it becomes a matter of whether or not someone wallowing in this confusion can “reprogram” their mind to accept the truth and stop believing that things are boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl – the truth is that they are also all of these things while not being any one of them exclusively.

In such discussions, I’ve asked you to think about your own thoughts about bisexuality… and then question them. Where did you get them from? Do you really believe that if, say, you don’t believe in this, that you’re actually having an original thought? You aren’t. Your intelligence can easily assimilate this; sure, I suppose people can be bisexual but the belief system that has been pounded into your head will tell you that, nope, not the way shit is supposed to be…

And you could, if you cared to, ask yourself why you’re thinking like that. You’re conditioned to think like that and that conditioning has been reinforced over the whole of your life and it continues from generation to generation and to the point where we even sound a bit cray-cray because we’re saying that people shouldn’t (or can’t) be bisexual and in the face of the unvarnished truth that people are, not to mention that there’s a bisexual writing all of this for you to see and consider, if you are of a mind to.

Which thing, do you think, is right? Those of us who are no longer confused will tell you – or, at least, I will, that what you believe – what you’ve been made to believe, just isn’t the truth – it can’t be; otherwise, everyone who has ever lived would have been heterosexual… and history, that thing we keep failing to learn from, proves that this isn’t true.

It’s just the way things are supposed to be and, duh, things aren’t always the way they’re supposed to be, are they? We know this. We accept this as fact. Can’t accept it when we discover that, oops, we might be bisexual. Not really straight but not really gay, either.

As I say in these things, ya don’t have to believe me – ask yourself, then go ask someone else and a lot of someone else’s and see if you don’t wind up seeing what I saw so many decades ago, that a lot of people are just now finding out for themselves and even if you’re not of a mind to be bisexual yourself, I’m thinking, maybe even hoping, that you won’t be confused by this any longer.

I’ll leave you with two thoughts. The first is the famous quote uttered by Sherlock Holmes: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” You know, for a fictional character, that dude made a lot of sense, huh? The next is the concept of Occam’s Razor, that being, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.

It’s not impossible that people are bisexual and the simplest explanation is that we’ve always been able to be bisexual if that’s how things shake out for us. Ain’t the way things are supposed to be… just the way things really are.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Would It Be Easier?

I was looking at my Dashboard while wondering if I had a TBT for today when I saw the entry for “Is It Normal?” and I thought – once the coffee had finally hit my brain, “If people were allowed to be bisexuals, would it be easier to be bisexual?”

Sure, the social pressures would be gone (except in those who just refuse to change) and while no one would be giving you high fives for being bi, they’d no longer be asking crazy questions like, “Are you sure you ain’t really gay?” and, maybe, just maybe, a guy or a gal could wake up one morning, look at their partner and say, “Honey, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual…” and their partner will say, “That’s great! That opens up a whole new avenue of things for us to enjoy together because I’m bisexual, too!”

Yeah, right; probably not so realistic but that’s the kind of pressure that could be relieved if bisexuality was more socially and morally allowable than it is at this very moment… still begs the question of whether or not it would be easier to be bisexual.

I’m not sure it would be. While staring at my Dashboard – and while this scribble was forming atop that layer of caffeine – I saw a couple of likes from my comment to The Acquiescent Soul’s post about Coming Out Day and sure enough guys like him would greatly benefit from being able to tell anyone he cares to that he’s bi since it would remove a pressure point from his mind and, indeed, there are bisexuals everywhere in the world who could benefit being able to do this without recrimination, retaliation, or otherwise getting their heads handed to them and their lives shattered due to uncaring rejection.

My brain asked, “Yeah, that would be nice… but would it make it easier for those who wanna do the nasty to, uh, ah, do the nasty like that?”

I responded, “I don’t know; just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean you’re really gonna be able to do it, right? Plus, if you look at how some guys behave about this aspect, shit, many are already making it impossible for them to do whatever they wanna do… so it almost stands to reason that if there was more acceptance and permission given, would anything in this regard really change?”

My brain – after commanding my hand to pick up my cup of coffee again – said, “Yeah… you have a point there since, you know, it’s still gonna be people being funny about having sex.”

There are moments like this when I look at everything I know, see patterns unfolding in my knowledge and… nothing. The part of my brain not fiending for more coffee is doing its usual “if, then, else” thing and looking at as many possibilities it can see and while it can almost easily see a day coming where being bisexual will be treated better, better acceptance doesn’t necessarily equate to freer sex, you know, for those who very much want to indulge.

You’d still have to positively identify someone who has gotten your attention this way and you still have to convince them that it would be good for one and all to get the dicks out and put them to use… but when I see a bi guy on the forum asking the membership if getting with a guy who only has a six-inch dick will be radically different than getting with a guy with a whopping eight thick inches, yeah, I don’t see such thinking lending itself to much in the way of things being easier.

There are guys who are free and clear to indulge themselves… and not indulging themselves and I’m not sure that removal of the social angst against bisexuals would work toward getting them off the bench and into the game and as they say they want to be since the chances of running into one’s visions of Mr. Right are slim, that and a lot of guys, strangely, are not of a mind to do any of the work required that would get them the dick they crave.

“What would it take?” my brain asked.

“I think we’d need to change our perceptions about sex,” I said, taking another sip of coffee and as my fingers started typing this. “I think there’d have to be some way to change focus from that which is preferred to that which can be done… and with anyone who’s willing to do something – does that sound just about right?”

“It does make some sense,” my brain said after a moment to, um, let more caffeine soak in. “Now the question is – and I’ll admit that it’s highly rhetorical – is how likely is that to happen at some point in this dynamic and as it currently stands?”

“Not very,” I admitted. “It’s too… personal in that respect, a set of conditions created from faulty information at best, I think.”

“What do you mean?” my mind asked, raising a Mr. Spock-like eyebrow and, yeah, it’s kinda silly because it’s not like that part of my brain doesn’t know why I’d say this but this is my blog, I need more coffee, and I’m having fun with this.

“Well, recall, if you will, some of the stuff we saw yesterday while cleaning out the spam in Tumblr,” I reminded myself. “You gotta admit that based on a lot of information we’ve been gathering, the guys depicted in pictures and clips are meant to represent the ideal sexual partner and the preferences of a lot of guys play right into this, from being numbingly handsome to having really big dicks, nice tight buns, and their six-pack has a six-pack.”

“Yes, but we see this every day, don’t we? We don’t discount that other men are seeing this and postulate that these are the images they’re basing their preferences on and more so for those who are without actual experience,” my brain said as it nodded – whether it was really agreeing with me or nodding because of yet another sip of coffee is debatable.

“I know, which is why I think that we need to take a different approach to sex and be willing and able to not only do what we prefer to do but be very aware and just as willing to entertain that which is possible,” I said while nodding in agreement. “I also think that by creating the schism between being a top and a bottom, that isn’t exactly conducive to a more open mindset about sex in general; too many guys believe that they can’t do something that they’ve never tried to do and it’s more of a “preference” than it is admitting that they don’t know how to do something or, at the least, have reason to believe that they can’t… or shouldn’t.”

“You’re aware that some of this shit just ain’t for everyone,” my brain reminded me.

“I am aware, yes… but if you don’t try it, how do you really know something isn’t your cup of tea?” I countered – gee, I love having these conversations with myself.

“Excellent point and it does speak to the main topic of what your fingers are doing – acceptance and even permission doesn’t really make a lot of this any easier, does it?” my brain said with a sigh.

“No… I still don’t think so although I do sense that there will be many who will make it their business to make this aspect easier on themselves,” I replied and with a sigh of my own. “It’s just not happening fast enough for a lot of bisexuals to begin being happy with themselves and in every aspect.”

“True that…” my brain said. “Bisexuals could come out in droves and in unbelievable numbers… but would it really change anything?”

“I don’t know; one can hope that it would,” I said. “It’s starting to look like this is a difference which makes no difference, isn’t it?”

“The two disparate things do not seem to go hand in hand, no…,” my brain admitted.

I kinda hate these moments because they tend to rain on my parade where bisexuality is concerned. No, it’s not my “job” to paint bisexuality in positive ways and at every turn but I’m human and to the point where I see so many men and women struggling with this because it’s “unacceptable” and “immoral” behavior at many social levels and while many bisexuals just don’t give a fuck about what society has to say about this, there are many who do give a fuck. It’s not really an exercise in “what if” as it is me wondering that if acceptance and permission miraculously appeared tomorrow, would it make being bisexual any easier than it is right this very moment?

My protege and I discuss this a lot and we both agree that as far as removing some major pressure points, yep, that would be a damned good thing; it would make coming out a lot less traumatic than it is right now and many bisexuals would just feel better about themselves not having to carry the heavy weight of their “secret” around. So, yes, easier in that aspect… but not so much in others and more so when some of the current angst, at least to me, appears to want to make the sex not so much of a thing to be considered – that would be the “hearts, not parts” gang and a gang who, I think, doesn’t understand or want to understand that sex is and always has been about putting the parts together and that, nope, engaging one’s heart isn’t always doable, desired, or required.

Remember the guy I mentioned who asked about doing it with a guy with only six inches? When I responded to him, I asked him if it should make a difference or not as well as the thing he should probably be paying more attention to. While some guys responded in a similar fashion, there were a lot of guys who, just like with the risk thing I wrote about yesterday, were “imposing their will” on the OP by saying that if he wasn’t going to go after the biggest dicks, anything else is a waste of time and effort and that he should leave the guy with the small cock alone.

What really got me about this particular thread is that one guy asked him if he was a size queen… and the OP had to have that explained to him… and now you might begin to understand why I’m of a mind that acceptance and permission might not make this easier. On the real, is there a difference between being boned by a big dick and a smaller one? Sure there is… but does it really matter as long as you’re being boned and having fun at the same time? I don’t think it does… but many think that it does matter and none of this aspect will be easier because none of us are really on the same page about this thing in particular.

My thought is that if you wanna know how different it might be to you, um, let the guy with six inches bring whatever skills he has to you and find out instead of asking a question you’re not going to get a definitive answer to… because there is no definitive answer. You’re either gonna find it different and not so much to your liking… or you’re gonna realize that it really doesn’t make a difference and to that end, acceptance and permission just isn’t going to lend itself toward ease of doing.

I hate mind-days like this but, yeah, it was on my mind so I wrote it… and there’s no more coffee in my cup, damn it. I wrote this because, just to satisfy my own curiosities about this, um, where is all of this going, that and guys ask me questions like this and questions that should be answered and as best as they can be. My protege asks, “Wouldn’t things be better?”

And I say that, in theory, yeah – they would be… but. I know – I just did that “Yeah, but…” thing to myself even though my “but” is… I don’t know if they really would be; bisexuality would probably be the greatest thing since sliced bread if people weren’t involved but since they are, the outcome is in question and there are no easy answers.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Beginning

True enough, there’s a first time for everything and, duh, bisexuality is included in those first time moments.

There’s a… disconnect? Not sure that’s the right word for what I’m thinking; could be “gap” or some similar word but today, on the forum and reading one of the recurring themes, it becomes obvious that there are guys who discover bisexuality right out of the gate and those guys who are late to the party and by late I mean they don’t discover this until they’re like in their mid-thirties. Some stats I once read hinted that guys experiment with homosexuality between the ages of 16 and 25 and I’m not sure how they’re figuring that out but, nah, not even close.

Maybe they figure that the onset of puberty is the deal here – not sure and kinda not relevant given what I know but I had to mention it. Anyway…

That recurring thread is about one’s first time experiencing dick and, often, their initial reactions. And while the stories are quite interesting – from an observer’s point of view – there’s always great interest about someone’s first time: It’s kinda like a validation to know that not only did a guy have a first time, other guys did as well and more so when you see enough first-time stories and you can detect a pattern or two and close enough where your own first time isn’t as unique as it appeared to be.

One question that the late attenders ask themselves is why did I wait so long before doing this? The early adopters tend not to ask that question since being on the ground floor means one didn’t have to wait very long. So there’s a bond that can be shared between those guys who were first in the pool… and a different bond for those guys who showed up after the pool got crowded.

There are guys who are returning to the party after a lengthy absence; those are the guys who “experimented” early on, dropped out, but found their way back. The curious thing about these guys is that they tend to discount or even disavow anything they did before becoming and adult and I’ve tried to make sense of this behavior for a very long time.

It’s like that difference between having a juvenile police record and an adult one; you know you did stuff that got the cops’ attention in your youth but the law puts a clear line between what you did when young and what you do as an adult and, well, some returning guys treat their return in the same kind of way.

Anyway…

It’s funny in that every guy who gets started in this has that feeling that they’re the only one who has stumbled into this, a feeling I also know well but the part that’s funny is that if you were running around doing this with other boys, um, obviously, you’re not the only one who knows about this and I like to say, with a high degree of certainty, that there aren’t too many grown men who doesn’t know that guys have sex with guys…

It’s just strangely different when you’re the guy and now you have this… need to know if there are other guys who got started in similar – and even different – ways.

Sometimes, you see more experienced guys giving the not-so-experienced guys da bizness for being naive about this and I think this happens because they’ve “forgotten” their own first time and if I were a new guy, I’d be some kind of annoyed having this attitude laid on me; it’s like how people who have a job give those who can’t find a job da bizness and like it’s so easy to just go out and find a job these days.

What’s the deal with women and their first time in this? I dunno; even the bisexual women I know don’t really talk about it a whole lot if at all. They’re like it happened, they liked it, didn’t like it, changed back to liking it and why are you asking me about something I don’t have a reason to talk about?

I know they do talk about it… with other women; you’d just have to search high and low to find the places they “hang out” and talk to each other about it.

Anyway…

For some, reading a guy’s first experience can go a long way to mitigating any trauma one may have experienced; they can find some “comfort” in knowing that they weren’t the only one to have less than a wonderful beginning but I think the most important thing about reading these stories is that guys are opening up and talking about them – period – and this serves to create a bond between all bisexual guys while making it obvious that we’re the same… and different… and it’s all good.

One guy wrote, in an earlier incarnation of the “first time” post, that once he shared his story with the membership, it took a lot of pressure off of his mind and this, in particular, speaks to something I learned: The worst thing about being bisexual is having no one you can talk to about being bisexual.

In these stories, it’s not so much about what happened – although, um, some guys tell some pretty hot stories – but it also serves to teach the guys who are sitting on the bench some stuff. In the comments on some stories, guys are keen to know if they initially liked what they did, didn’t like it, were scared silly or totally and completely fearless and more than eager as well as eager but understandably leery.

Did you know what you were doing that first time? A lot of guys say they didn’t know anything about sex and that, all by itself, isn’t unusual but those same guys are amazed at how quickly they got schooled and, indeed, it is incredibly amazing how that works. They went, in a matter of seconds or minutes, not knowing anything about it to instinctively knowing which, I think, lends itself to my thought that evolution has programmed this behavior in all of us – then it’s just a matter of whether or not that gets activated or not.

That’s for some other time.

Like, I read how some guy’s first time came via cock sucking; they share that they didn’t know what the deal was but when the dick met mouth, they just knew what to do, that or, in their words, they figured it out pretty damned quickly. So, yeah, there’s always great interest in how a guy reacted to being blown that first time or doing the blowing, just as there is for that first time being screwed.

It all establishes that commonality, creates a bond and, again, let’s them know that while they are, indeed, unique and different, eh, not really and more so because everyone has a first time – now it’s all in the details. You learn that age doesn’t matter in this – there are guys my age who are just now discovering bisexuality; you learn that things like race, creed, where you live in the world and other such stuff doesn’t matter. From the big cities to the smallest townships; rich, poor, somewhere in the middle – doesn’t matter.

Some differences that are of interest and I’ll start with one of my infamous back in the day observations (yeah, ya knew it was coming): Back then, we did it all until we settled into that which we liked and avoided, whenever possible that which we didn’t care for so much but the key thing here is that you tried it all on for size.

Today, guys are coming out of the gate knowing exactly how they want to make an entrance and, for those still riding the pine, they’ve carefully crafted what their first time should be like. I’m not saying they’re wrong in this but, yeah, it’s probably not the “smartest” thing they could do since, more often than not, that first time isn’t going to go as imagined or even be close enough for government work. A lot of guys get totally and completely disillusioned behind this kind of thinking…

But when you can read of a guy who had his first time “dreams” shattered, yeah, you’re not alone in that aspect and one can learn a lot about this by reading how the other guy recovered from this ‘shattering’… and, yeah, how they are still kinda/sorta struggling with the reality of things.

And reading such things can take a lot of weight off of a guy, whether he’s an old hand at this or someone just arriving to the party and that, to me, is the real benefit given that, for some, this bisexual thing is very damned confusing and complicated. It doesn’t matter if one’s first time was… yucky or not; you had one, you shared it with others and by doing so, took your place among the brotherhood of bisexual men.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Really Normal?

Every now and then, my protege will ask me if bisexuality is, in fact, more normal than we are led to believe and of all the things bisexual we talk about, this conversation is one of the more deeper ones. He’s one of those guys I say were late to the party; no bisexul leanings or interest in his younger days and while he admits to some early interest, it wasn’t until a few years ago when bisexuality made its introduction to him.

He, like so many others who showed up late to the party, finds himself thinking or, really, rethinking everything he was taught about sex; when we talk about this, we almost always talk about the origins of bisexuality or what conditions prevailed way back then that made choosing to be on both sides of the sexuality spectrum a thing to do. He likes to point out bisexuality in animals – bonobo monkeys are the classic example – which always make me “remind” him that humans are animals, too, that and our higher brain functions lends themselves to the creation of things that wind up being crucial to being human…

Like being able to have sex (or be romantically engaged) with men and women – not men or women.

Where is it written that only women can suck cock? Even today, we believe that this has always been a woman’s “job” to do, not that all women agree with this but it stands to reason – and has been proven long before any of us were born – that if a woman can suck a dick, a man can suck a dick, too. Likewise, do you really believe that eating pussy is and always has been a man’s thing to do?

Of course, we talked about fucking and the train of logic keeps rolling along: If a guy can fuck a woman in the ass – and if she’s down with that – then what’s so different about fucking a man in the ass… other than the person on the receiving end of the high hard one being male? It becomes rather obvious that women aren’t the only ones that can be fucked… they’re just the preferred target in this and I will keep saying this: It’s all about making babies.

We talk about how social programming and conditioning plays into this and more so when, truth be told, we all have the potential to be bisexual; it’s encoded into our genes over centuries of human evolution… but that programming was designed to not allow this potential to come out. You wanna have sex and fall in love? Your focus is and should always be in the opposite sex direction…

Except, it really isn’t and it never was but if you understand any of this – and most people don’t because, eh, that’s ancient history shit – you have to know that there was a reason why these edicts were put in place and why anything that prevented conception was forbidden.

For the most part, we – humans – obey the edicts and go along with the social programming… until something happens that breaks the conditioning or gives us what we think is a damned good reason to buck the system and do those things we’ve been told never to do.

My protege asks a somewhat rhetorical question: Wouldn’t it be better if those restrictions weren’t in place? That our mindset about these things got revised to reflect how we really are – and can be – about these things? He sometimes asks, hypothetically, if the rift between men and women could be closed if bisexuality was more of the norm and more so in relationships; he’s of a mind that if we all were “allowed” to be bisexual, for one, women wouldn’t feel so much pressure – and seriously object – to being the preferred sexual object. He goes on to say that maybe, just maybe, the number of sex-related crimes against women would pretty much go away if men could have sex with each other and in those moments when a woman just ain’t feeling that – and then, women aren’t getting bent out of shape because of it.

He asks, “Is this the way we’re really meant to be?” and it’s a good question. The rules say we’re not… yet, a gazillion people are, in fact and in deed, bisexual. It’s looked at as deviant behavior and I’d suppose it is given the rules as they stand but the reality is that it’s just humans being… human. We often go out of our way to deny it but, um, we love having sex and given our highly evolved brains, we can and will find many ways to have sex and the proof, of course, has been in our faces the whole time.

Some of us limit our sexual things in the preferred opposite sex way; some are wholly same sex… so it also stands to reason that there are people for whom having sex both ways just makes sense. I often “remind” him that if, in our case, men aren’t supposed to have sex with each other, we wouldn’t be able to do it but, yeah, we can, can’t we?

He’ll talk about male bonding and, yep, it’s something we do when we’re not looking at each other as being our competition and “enemies” to be eliminated; he asks that if it were easier to bond by having sex with each other, could it go along way to removing the anymousity with have with each other and, importantly, provide an outlet for our hard-wired need to have sex?

It’s another good question and men do bond in this way and it’s not always with romantic intent – think bro-job if that’ll help you understand this. It’s not that men can’t develop “deep feelings” for each other because we can but in many instances, those feelings are present and something says that sex with the guy you’ve bonded with just makes sense… but things stop short of that…

And sometimes they don’t. He – and many others including myself – are of a mind that if it’s headed that way, let nature run its course. It’s not just an outlet for our lust; sex is also an expression of affection. We know that women develop levels of affection for other women; they kiss, hug, stuff like that but they, too, often stop short of stripping each other naked and really expression their affection…

And sometimes they don’t. And, really, there’s nothing wrong with this even though, forever and ever, the rules say not to do this for any reason. Doesn’t change the fact that a lot of men and women are saying, “Fuck those rules! I need this and if ya don’t like it, fuck you, too!”

Some of us aren’t of a mind to explore bisexuality and that, too, makes sense. Despite what’s being said, it is a choice and I don’t know why people think it isn’t. I understand, if no one else seems to, that while you can’t do much about the way you feel, you can do something about how you act on those feelings – or not – and that is choice. We both hear people saying that they didn’t ask to be bisexual and to have those feelings and, yeah, no one really does – it just happens but now one has to decide – choose – what, if anything, they’re gonna do about their feelings… even if they choose not to do anything.

Is it normal? Well, I’m thinking that it is. It feels… abnormal and only because of the social programming and conditioning we all know about; it’s the source of that guilty feeling one gets when they dive into the pool because the water is really fine… but they were told that it isn’t supposed to be fine.

My protege often has… issues about this and they’re understandable. I’ll ask him, “What’s the difference between a woman sucking your dick and a man doing it?” and, as expected, he has a hard time answering the question and, on the real, most people do. His issue is that he’s thinking about who is sucking away on his dick… and not thinking about the act itself. When you change your focus, there is no difference. Fucking is fucking and, duh, the one and only meaningful difference is that men only have one orifice that can be fucked but, again, the focus is on who and not so much on the act itself.

Yes, indeed, the “hearts, not parts” gang has it partially correct; we do very much take into consideration the person we wanna get naked with and, often, in some incredibly detailed ways… but sometimes, we just wanna get naked with someone because we can get naked with them which, of course, goes completely against the rules and makes each and everyone one of us guilty of the sin of fornication – that’s sex without being married, by the way and, no, merely being engaged doesn’t absolve you of this particular sin.

Yet and still, we do it anyway, don’t we? We need to have sex for a lot of reasons that doesn’t have anything to do with making babies and, yes, indeed, some of us have learned or otherwise discovered that both men and women suit this purpose quite nicely. We love the intimacy of sex, are scared shitless over how vulnerable it can make us but are very much aware of how good it can make us feel and the truth we tend to find unacceptable is that we can, in fact, have sex with anyone, male and female, if that’s how it’s gonna happen.

Because it’s normal and natural for us to have sex even though we do find reasons not have it and if I remember correctly, Sigmund Freud said that the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.

Hmm.

As I’ve said, this particular conversation gets pretty deep. I learned a long time ago that the key thing to understanding bisexuality is being able to understand sex as it can be rather than how it’s supposed to be.

I know – you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…” and I get it; you’ve been conditioned to think that way and to the point where you actually believe you came to this conclusion on your own – you didn’t and most people get one hell of a shock if they happen to figure this out. Many people say they couldn’t be bisexual when, truthfully, they could be… if they wanted to be… but the conditioning is deeply imbedded and unbreakable.

And it gets broken by those who are bisexual. Not easily but broken just the same. It’s why a lot of bisexuals have… issues while having that sense of being freed or liberated from the restraints that have been instill in us.

Normal? Sure it is. If having sex is considered to be normal – and is falling in love or otherwise having deep feelings of affection for someone, what is it that makes bisexuality “abnormal?” I know why. My protege is finding out why. Right this very moment, some guy or gal is finding out why this is a lot more normal than we’ve been led to believe.

It just doesn’t go by the rules. You have choices (there’s that word again): You can say, “Fuck the rules!” and indulge yourself in the available physical and emotional pleasures… or you can keep playing by the rules and keep believing that becoming bisexual ain’t ever gonna happen to you which, by the way, is also rather normal.

Yet, many people wind up changing their minds; they go from “I couldn’t do that shit!” to “How come I never did this before now?” Some folks, like yours truly, got on the bandwagon early and never got off of it and some folks are like my protege – they’re late to the party and he – and so many others – kinda say it’s better late than not at all.

If nothing else, bisexuality teaches you something about being human and it’s the same lesson homosexuals learned as well. Not supposed to be like that… really is like that.

Normal. Not really as abnormal as we’ve been led to believe. As always in this, you don’t have to believe me but the truth is still out there. I know the truth and, clearly, I’m not the only one who knows it; just a matter if one can handle the truth, huh? Another truth is that many people do accept that there be bisexuals among us – it just really makes sense that this is true but, bleh, it’s not for them.

And yet another truth is that it isn’t for everyone and as evidenced by the many people who gave it a try at some point in their life and, nah, didn’t work for them so much. Being me, I question why it didn’t and I think I know why… but this scribble has gotten long enough as it is and as fellow blogger Larry pointed out to me (yeah, I bet you thought I forgot that, huh?). But this stuff must be brought into the light and I’m just the bi guy to do it since no one else seems to want to get into the guts of this.

At first, I thought, in our most recent conversation about this, that my protege had some major concerns about this but he let me know that even after all he’s experienced, it just amazes him how normal this feels to him and that there are so many men and women who embrace bisexuality and, often, easily so (comparatively speaking, of course).

And I get it. To me, being bisexual is as normal and natural as breathing and to the point where I really don’t think about it – I yam what I yam (thanks, Popeye!). Other bisexuals eventually get to this point as well and they do, indeed, feel quite normal whether they’re having their way with a man or a woman (and sometimes both if they’re lucky like that).

Society, as a whole, needs to accept the normalcy of it all and, perhaps, abolish the restrictions that are in place. Maybe they realize this just as they are seeing that a slew of people are choosing to ignore all of the restrictions that have been placed on us and just doing their thing as needed. For them, it’s a loss of control and a method of control that used to serve them well…

But not any more. It doesn’t signal an end to morality so much as it is people finally finding out that some of those rules are pure bullshit and, in fact, gets in the way of our God-given right to self-determination and if we’re gonna burn in hell, hmm, we hope we can get our hands on some SPF 10,000,000 protection or plenty of burn cream.

Because at the end of any day, we all have to do what we have to do. If sucking another guy’s cock or eating another woman’s coochie – and being able to indulge in both things – is the thing we are “compelled” to do or, really, just works to serve the purpose – then that’s what we’re gonna do and fuck the rules and more so when those same rules are the reason why bisexuality is deemed to be abnormal and deviant behavior.

For men, in particular, if lying down and subjecting yourself to another man’s lust by being screwed is what makes you feel whole and complete as a person, well, be safe and use plenty of lube.

Normal? Yeah, it is even if you don’t think it is or should be and the proof, if you’re willing to accept it, is that there are a lot of bisexuals – we are legion. It’s even being hinted at that bisexuals outnumber heteosexuals and homosexuals combined – the problem, of course, is trying to identify who’s bisexual and who isn’t and the even bigger problem: Some folks weren’t bisexual yesterday… but they are today… and they never had a clue that they would or could be.

And sometimes they do have a clue; just a matter of girding one’s loins and doing what they’ve always known they wanted and needed to do… and, yup, fuck the rules. Even more, there are bisexuals who don’t have the sex – and just how to you put a number to these people?

Now it’s just really and always a question of whether or not society can accept just how normal biesexuality really is.