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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Post From Another Blog

I have the honor and privilege to be a moderator and contributing author on a WordPress blog devoted to bisexuality and female bisexuality in particular. In this very short writing, I want to bring to your attention a post I wrote on that blog about the plight of bisexual women and in the form of a “letter” to men who have discovered that they have a bisexual with them.

https://biwifelifeblog.wordpress.com/2019/08/27/to-the-husbands-boyfriends-of-a-bisexual-woman/

Hope it sheds some more light on some stuff.

 
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Posted by on 7 April 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Double Standard

Summer, 1981. We were finally moving into a new place, a dual apartment building complex that were “the projects” only because the housing authority ran it. It had been a long, harrowing day. I was tired, hurting, the wife was tired, hurting and the kids were tired and even crankier than they were when we started the move, making both of us cranky.

I was bringing up the last boxes of stuff and thinking that moving was only the beginning – all that stuff now had to be put in place, I had to put the kids’ beds back together as well as our own although, as tired as I was, just putting the mattress on the floor would have worked.

As I entered the building a movement caught my eye and it took my eyes a second or so to adjust to the darkened entranceway and when they did, there was a woman, on her knees, and blowing some guy who was leaning against the wall. I didn’t really stop but I did slow down so I could see what was moving.

The guy against the wall was thrusting into the woman’s mouth; she had two hands full of his bare butt cheek and slamming her face into his crotch in time with his thrusts. He moaned and shuddered and even my tired mind said, “He’s busting a nut…” Now I am standing still because I don’t want to startle either person but just as I started to move again, the woman withdrew, the guy’s limp cock fell out of her mouth, and they both turned to look at me.

The dude gave me the standard greeting – the reverse nod – stuffed his cock into his pants and, get this, asked me if I needed help with the boxes I was holding. I shook my head no but the woman got to her feet – wow, she was a really big girl – and she nodded and said, “You wanna be next? I’m still hungry.”

“No, thanks – I just didn’t want to scare y’all and some shit jump off,” I said and climbed to our new third floor apartment. I told my wife what had taken me so long and all she said was, “We live in the projects now – put those boxes over there.”

In our first week there, I learned that the woman giving head – and the guy receiving it – both lived in the complex – her on the first floor and right by the cubby she was, um, working in that first night and he lived in the second building. One of the neighbors was telling me about the woman on the first floor; she wasn’t selling herself but she had an incredible appetite for dick and that, being new there, I was probably the only guy whose dick she hadn’t sucked.

No one seemed to be appalled that she had been blowing this guy in plain sight of anyone who came into the building.

The following week, word spread like a wildfire through the complex. Apparently, one of the girls who lived in the complex got busted in the other building’s basement, assuming the position while some dude was banging the shit out of her. Apparently, he must’ve been giving her the dick real good because it was her, um, vocalizing that got them busted in the act and her mom was livid…

But the other tenants didn’t seem to be shocked by this and one woman said, “It happens – she just got caught, that’s all – and it ain’t the first time she got caught.” She went on to tell me that this same girl got caught I’m the same basement locked in a 69 with another girl. Rumor had it that whoever caught them excused themselves and walked away and no one knew if she got ratted out to her mom.

The woman telling me this said – and in a kinda bored way – “A lot of pussies get eaten around here and in any dark corner that can be found…” and like it was no big deal and maybe it wasn’t because she also said, “You stay here long enough, you just get used to shit happening.”

Maybe a month later, the complex’s rumor mill got cranked up again and alarmingly so. It seems that, I the basement of the building I lived in, two male complex dwellers were just busted in the act, caught in a 69 and, I guess, having a dick-sucking good time before whoever busted them showed up. Everyone was speculating whether the two young men were gonna get their asses beat down for this and, indeed, many of the residents were up in arms about these two guys getting caught blowing each other in the basement’s dank darkness.

“But no one is upset about those two girls or girlfriend on the first floor?” I had asked one of the guys standing there listening to what sounded like a lynch mob being formed,

“Nah, not really,” he said, his face an angry mask. “Those motherfucking faggots need their asses kicked and maybe their families should be kicked outta here! I got half a mind to report them to the housing authority!”

No one got lynched or beaten to death – well, not that I heard. Two days later, the girl who got busted being fucked and eating pussy got busted again sucking one dude’s dick while the other was fucking her… and a third dude was waiting for his turn.

And no one, again, was bent out of shape except maybe her mom.

Girlfriend do the first floor? Saw her a few times I’m that dark corner sucking cock and once with a couple of dudes waiting. I was concerned big time, thinking about my kids coming in and getting an eyeful of this woman feeding her hunger for cock. Mentioned it to one of the fellas and he said, “Nah – when she rolls like that, she makes sure it’s late at night.”

Like it was no big deal. So I asked him, “When everyone was talking about those two boys who got busted, everyone was losing their minds… but this other shit is going on like all off the time… and y’all act like it ain’t nothing worry or be concerned about. What’s up with that?”

He shrugged and said, “Two dudes doing it is just fucked up and wrong!”

“And you don’t find it wrong that girlfriend over there might as well have a revolving door installed with all the dudes going in and out of there and getting done in plain sight at night?”

“Nope,” he said. “It is what it is, home skillet.”

“But two those boys ain’t in the same category?” I asked.

“Definitely not!” he exclaimed and went on to tell me what he would have done if he was the one who caught the boys in the act.

I’m no prude, then or now, but I was beyond shocked at the attitude and more so when I had it on good authority that a lot of the men in both buildings were getting their fair share of dick, you know, seeing as how we all kinda hung out together.

Various… incidents hit the rumor mill from time to time, like homegirl on the first floor now adding eating pussy to her list of favorite things to eat. And no one found a thing unusual about it. The young girl giving up the pussy to “everyone?” Got busted a few times and wound up pregnant – and the rumor was she didn’t know who knocked her up. Those two boys? Got busted again dicking each other down and the reaction was like nothing I’d seen before and some of the adults were talking about forming a posse, going over to “where those faggots lived,” and reading any adult they found the riot act.

But what no one was talking about was the amount of sex – and some of it same-sex – that was going on and, yeah, I wanted to know why.

The guy I asked looked at me like I’d just gotta off the boat and said, “We don’t get caught doing it – that’s the difference!”

“Yet, everyone in the complex knows who is fucking who…” I said, trying to get my head around this disconnect and double standard of behavior. “You lost your mind about those two boys fucking… but, um, weren’t we blowing each other just a couple of days ago?”

“That was different,” he said. “Nobody saw us doing it.”

“They knew it, didn’t they? Didn’t I hear whatshisname ask you if I had a nice dick and if I was any good?”

“Yeah – you know he wants to check you out for himself, right?” he asked.

“And, um, don’t we both know what our wives are doing with each other?” I asked.

“Yeah – that shit if fucking hot, ain’t it?”

“I don’t get it – we both know what’s going on around here – not that I’m complaining, mind you – but I don’t see how any of that is different.”

“I keep telling you, man – those faggots got caught in the act!” he said and with a bit of heat in his voice.

“But none of the fellas who are getting some dick are faggots, right?” I asked even though I knew what his answer was gonna be.

“Hell no!”

Okay. I let it drop after that conversation and tried to wrap my head around the whole mess and particularly how a bunch of dudes who almost routinely sucked each other off and damned near on a daily basis could be ready to kick those younger guys’ asses for doing the same thing. Or no one batted an eye at the number of women who were just as routinely going down on each other and fucking someone else’s man.

And no one said “boo” to the big girl with the very major oral fixation but I figured out why no one was taking her to task for her public displays because a lot of the complex’s residents availed themselves of her skill sets and no one wanted to hassle this “golden goose” who was doing it for free.

But the double standard at work would often come back to poke me in the ribs. Those two boys didn’t get caught again that I knew of… but I found it damned peculiar and quite hypocritical to listen to men I knew for a fact were sucking dick and taking in the ass berating – and sometimes, voicing “threats” toward those boys who were doing what they were doing, getting caught in the act or not. Everyone knew those guys were lovers and were always ready to tar and feather them… but everyone knew what guys were all up in it – but that was okay?

The pussy-eating women in the complex were revered as goddesses and there wasn’t a guy in the building who didn’t know what women were very good in bed, could suck a mean dick as well as which women didn’t mind taking it in the ass.

I didn’t understand it and here, decades later, I still don’t understand it. We moved out of the complex sometime after my brother died in 1985 – I think it was the summer of 1986 or close enough for government work. Our ship had finally come in and we were on our way to moving on up. But I’ve never forgotten living there, the things we experienced there… and that maddening double standard I can’t make any sense of.

The only people doing something heinous were the two guys who were lovers, well, until both families moved out in 1983, if I remember correctly. And even after they were gone, they were still talking about those two “motherfucking faggots” that lived in the other building. One guy was ranting and raving about it… just before he started sucking my dick. Didn’t make sense then, doesn’t make any sense today and despite everything I’ve learned going forward.

 
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Posted by on 7 December 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexuality and Age

Saw an older post on the forum where the OP asked if guys who are bi when they get older are really bi (or something to that effect) and the comments were… interesting.

Many of the comments were from older guys around my age and in sexless marriages but one guy emphatically suggested that older dudes stop blaming women for their predilection for cock which, I guess, has some merit except that it always seems to be a “logical progression” for guys in sexless marriage to want to play with a dick. That responder suggested that the reality is being made celibate by a woman who is not all that interested in sex is just an excuse to do something they’ve probably always wanted to do.

The question popped into my head, “Well, what about all the guys who discover this when they’re older, not married or still married, and still getting pussy?”

Another responder offered that as men get older, their testosterone levels drop but their estrogen levels increase and I said to myself, “Hmm…” because from what I understand, our sex drive is tied to how much testosterone we have (and are supposed to have) and guys suffering from Low T report that their desire to have sex has gone out the window along with other complaints.

An increase in estrogen might “feminize” our features but as a reason why older guys “suddenly” want to play with dick? Not sure that’s what’s really going on.

It surprises guys and especially those who’ve never entertained a single thought about this. Maybe it surprises guys who “fooled around” back in their day, got away from it, only to have it revisit them out of nowhere but, as one responder said, he had sucked a dick in his youth… but when he did it at his current age, all it did was confirm what he always thought: That he was bisexual.

Not everyone feels the pull in this direction. Some feel it and manage to ignore it while, duh, others feel it at some point in their life and feel compelled to investigate. Some guys are perplexed because, okay, they did it when they were younger and, I dunno, figured that they got it out of their system and that was that… then find themselves dealing with the great urge to play with a dick.

Age, such as it is, doesn’t appear to be much of a determining factor, does it? I often talk about triggering events that can be responsible and, yeah, sometimes, a woman is involved in the triggering process but the reality is that anything can be a trigger from being stressed, emotionally distressed and depressed, to somehow coming to the conclusion that, um, I’ve done everything a man could do with a woman and doing them with a guy is next on the list.

One responder offered that older guys turn to dick because they know they’re running out of time and as if sucking a dick/being fucked is a bucket list item. Maybe it is for some older guys but I don’t think this is a general frame of mind or even that “Oh, shit…” moment you have when you get to be around sixty or so. But, if so, it’s also a triggering event to do something that, prior to being triggered into action, they never really thought about doing and whether there was some other need to do so or not.

Even my protege, when we first met, was perplexed by this even though, after further review, he did admit to being what I’d call a tiny bit curious, that and he could point to specific events in his youth where something could have happened between himself and another guy but it didn’t. So when he asked me how this happens to guys – and to guys who are “normally” pussy-centric, my first response was, “It just happens but no one really understands why…” – and then I went through the list of things I’ve seen first-hand that will make a “pussy-only” guy “suddenly” come to the conclusion or otherwise decide that having carnal knowledge of another guy’s prick just makes good sense…

Despite that thing that lives inside us that says it doesn’t make sense at all.

Everyone who is late to the party has a story to tell about how they got to this point, from girl problems to even admitting that they’ve felt this way for the longest time and they’re just now getting around to doing something about it if they can. What’s clear to me is that some guys can point to a specific thing, a moment or event, in their lives and, okay, cool – but what continues to mystify me and others are those guys who really do wake up one morning and think, “Today would be a good day to suck a dick!” – then they’re wondering why they want to.

I can’t explain it and I’m not really sure if anyone can. I just know that it happens and it doesn’t make much of a difference how old you are when this lands on you although, admittedly and thanks to the Internet, we see there are a lot of guys my age (and older) who are partaking of the dick for the first time in their lives.

Or, like one guy I talked to who said, “Why not? Everyone else is checking it out!” when I asked him what possessed him to want to give this a try. It begs the question of whether or not this is some biological process that’s just now waking up or if it’s really some weird sense of logic going on but, sure, as mentioned in my scribble about nature versus nurture, there are environmental things happening that makes, say, wanting to suck a guy’s dick just seem logical and sensible.

I know a lot of men and women who have said they’d never do anything like this… and then they do… and they’re wondering what happened and, to be honest, I wanna know, too, because this is one aspect of bisexuality that just defies explanation but, yep, it still happens and thanks to greater visibility, we’re learning that it’s not as uncommon as we might think.

There are those who suggest that our propensity and drive to have sex just pushes us in this direction and maybe that’s true but, again, how do you prove it? Some of us jumped onto the wagon before the onset of puberty, you know, when all those hormones wake up and turns us into sex fiends and experimenting with dick, again, just makes sense. Why? How? Damned if I know.

I supposed that due to a previous lack of visibility, being older and discovering bisexuality seems to be a glaring incongruity and it has guys asking, “Why now and why not any time before now?” You could say that everything happens when it’s supposed to happen but that’s kinda… vague but when you really can’t explain something, this one usually works… but still doesn’t really explain things or answer the many questions that pop up relative to this.

And who really knows how shit in our heads really works? I’ve heard a lot of people ask, “Why does this just make sense?” and, again, damned if I know but something is going on in that lump of grey matter that comes to the conclusion – and by some unknown means – that checking out the other side of sex really does make sense.

Or, as a lot of people have told me, “Sounded like a good idea at the time…” You can safely say that if a guy (or even a gal) had this on their mind at any point in their life and in that “I wonder what it would be like?” way, sure, that might lend itself to wanting to answer that question. Likewise, for those who dabbled early on and are coming back to it, sure – makes sense since they’ve done it before.

Does not even come close to those folks for which those two conditions didn’t exist for them, does it? I just don’t agree with any theory that getting older is a catalyst in and of itself since, again, I know you can be of any age and this can bumrush you out of nowhere.

It just happens to some folks and I know this because I’ve been around long enough to see it happen. Believe it or not, for a lot of guys, going this route is, indeed, an option… but of the “last resort” kind. For these men, a lot of things has to happen in a specific way and at a specific time before they’d even think about taking this option. They could if they had to but if they don’t have to, okay, that works… right up to the moment when whatever conditions they’ve set come into play and does that weird think of confusing the shit out of them while making perfectly good sense.

And maybe, just maybe, once gets to be a certain age and gets to understand that whatever they knew about sex really doesn’t make sense when it comes to excluding playing with a dick (or a coochie if you’re an older gal). Now, what age might that be? Realistically, it can be any age – you really don’t have to be “old” to wise up to certain things and as evidenced by the many 20-somethings who are up to their eyeballs in it… and because it makes sense to be all up in it.

A lot of years ago, I read this question: “What price do you put on your sexual satisfaction?” It made me realize that we do put a price tag on it and in the form of what we’re not gonna do in that pursuit of orgasmic bliss. Then someone “decides” that having too high a price tag on it not only doesn’t make sense but defeats the purpose of having sex because, you know, that shit just feels good. Is it logic… or something else we can’t qualify or quantify? Biology or one’s social environment?

Don’t know. Again, I know it happens; I’ve heard what those who have come over to the bi side has said and I have some understanding of some things that can trigger someone’s “inner bisexual.” Can’t point to any one specific or definitive thing. Overthinking the whole thing? Perhaps but it’s a question a lot of men and women ask and, yeah, it requires a whole lot of thought and so much that the best advice you can give someone who’s trying to figure out why they have an urge to play with a dick (or a pussy) is for them to just accept it… because there’s no singular way to really explain it and more so when we all don’t arrive at this place for the exact same reasons… and if there’s even a reason one can point to… and sometimes, there isn’t one or one that could be said to make “real sense.”

There are those who’d frown at a 70-year-old guy who has just now discovered how much fun it can be to play with a dick and those frowners would berate him for wanting to do something that has been forbidden all this time. Maybe we accept his reasoning behind making this decision (and “all late and wrong”) and maybe we don’t because those of us who’d never have a reason to go there can’t understand why someone very much wants to go there. And if you were to ask this guy about it, maybe he can find the words to explain it… and maybe he can’t. In this, we make a lot of fuss about what’s being done… but why continues to escape us or isn’t worth all of the time and effort it takes to dig deep and try to figure out why this happens to some late – and later – in life.

Even I tend to boil it down to as simple a thing as my brain can make it: It happens and it’s always happened and it’ll keep on happening and without any one thing that can be singled out. At this very moment, there’s a 64-year-old man or woman who has been bitten by the bisexual bug, just like there’s someone 16 or even younger who’s been bitten.

Age just doesn’t make a difference in this.

 
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Posted by on 28 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: That Ball of Confusion

Do you know the song by The Temptations? It came out during a time in our history when Vietnam, a war we should have never been involved in, had gotten on everyone’s last good nerve; it was funky, hard-hitting with its lyrics and not a bad song to dance to and one of many songs written and performed by artists in the 1970s who used their talents to not just entertain but to send pointed messages to our government to let them know how much they were fucking shit up… and we weren’t hearing any of it any longer.

And the band played on…

When someone discovers bisexuality in themselves, they’re often very confused by the dual assault on their feelings and sensibilities and it’s been a pretty consistent thing and for as long as I can remember. Right off the bat, people from my generation found themselves very confused because bisexuality wasn’t that well-known or even talked about with any degree of seriousness, that and it was way too easy to confuse bisexuality with homosexuality which few wanted to be associated with.

Followed by the fact that the weight of the moral majority and the insistence that despite some obvious changes in things that has been taking place in a “subculture” kind of way, most notably, “Flower Power” and the Sexual Revolution and in a time when people were saying, “Make love, not war!” and meant it literally, any deviation from the “rules of engagement” when it came to love, sex, and relationships were not to be allowed.

So a lot of us grew up knowing for a fact that if you were a boy, your only interest should be in girls and vice-versa and while that may have been all well and good, many people were finding that, nope, that wasn’t what was going on with them. They were pretty sure they weren’t gay… but didn’t know what they were based on their feelings.

“If I’m only supposed to feel this way toward girls/boys, why am I feeling what I’m feeling?”

Well, um, because the rules says you’re not supposed to… but I wondered why the rule existed in the first place; it didn’t make sense to me to be feeling in ways that I wasn’t supposed to until “kid logic” suggested that it wasn’t my feelings that didn’t make sense: It was the rule that didn’t.

Later in life, I figured out that the rule was put in place because those who crafted it knew what our sexual potential was and wanted to nip it in the bud and squash it. Most rules are enacted not to prohibit future behaviors… but to control existing ones.

So here I was, a bisexual kid, born in the 1950s and one who had figured out this ball of confusion… and one that, sixty some odd years later, still exists despite the wealth of information that has been compiled and being distributed via the Internet. Okay, not really the most reliable source of information but mixed in with the junk info, there’s the truth of this.

The gist of this is you’re confused because you’ve been given conflicting information; there’s what we’ve all been taught about this and then there’s what’s really been going on the whole time. Note that it’s not said that you can’t feel something for both men and women – it’s said that your focus should be opposite sex only so if you looked at men and women and both returned similar feelings, ignore them and go in the opposite sex direction but, okay, if ya went in the same sex direction, well, we have a special section of hell for you misguided perverts.

If one could be high confused to discover they were homosexual, perhaps you can imagine the incredible clusterfuck that goes on in someone’s mind to find out, after beating their heads against a few walls, that they’re both heterosexual and homosexual and the varying degrees notwithstanding at this point.

Yeah… pretty fucking confusing, wouldn’t you say? Get this: Bisexuality, as a subject matter, can make sense to people but it only really and seriously hits home when you’re the bisexual, whether you really “knew” it all along or it really did sneak up on you and grab you by the crotch and by way of introduction.

“Hey there! I’m about to expose you to something that’s really gonna blow your mind so I hope you’re sitting down… not that it’s gonna matter or help you one bit – but you’ll see soon enough!”

And, yeah, it hits those people the hardest who are of a mind that they could never, ever be anything but heterosexual. In an early conversation I had with my protege, he had asked why so many people were so highly upset over this bisexuality thing and my answer was, “Because bisexuality takes everything you thought you knew about love, sex, and relationships and just trashes it. A lot of apple carts got upset (to put it mildly and blandly) to discover that homosexuality was really a thing… and now, all in “one fell swoop,” the world is finding out that there is something between being straight and gay.”

Despite what the famous – or infamous – Kinsey Report said about this, we kinda/sorta settled into thinking that, infamously, you were either straight or you were gay… then found out that we were still pretty much believing a lie. No gray area, just black and white only.

But the confusion persisted due to a lack of credible information although, through my own research, I learned what happens when we fail to learn from history given the number of historic figures who were bisexual and some surprisingly so. Not really talking about notable figures in the here and now – I’m talking about way back in time, two hundred years or more but, sure, go Google “famous bisexuals in history” and see for yourself that bisexuality was alive and well…

Just not something taken seriously or paid much attention to and, I’d suppose, that make a kind of sense given how rabid we were about eradicating homosexuality from the human gestalt and condition which, I’ll remind you, didn’t work as expected so it kinda makes you wonder why we continue to think that bisexuality will be – or even should be – eradicated.

Didn’t work the first time, ain’t gonna work this time, either.

Today, there’s all kinds of stuff about bisexuality but none of it that I’ve seen speaks to that moment of confusion most new bisexuals feel nor does any of the more, let’s say, credible stuff explains why the feeling of confusion tends to persist even though one can have bisexuality explained to them… and it’s my thought that it persists because there’s a part of our mind that just won’t let go of the conditioning it received to first and foremost be heterosexual. Then you pile on all the biphobia stuff and, well, that ain’t helping matters any because what you know still isn’t matching up to what’s really going on with you.

I don’t think those early rule makers could even think about how, in the unforeseen future, this edict would, could, and continues to cause a great deal of confusion in people. Their motive was prevention and suppression and while they succeeded in this to a large degree, the confusion was a “side effect” no one could have possibly seen coming and even if they did see it on the horizon, it must have had them laughing their asses off to think that, way down the road, this whole thing would confuse people so much that it just might get them to stop thinking about it and act like they were told to.

Eh, not so much, it seems. Not that everyone embraces their feelings of bisexuality but I also think that an unexpected consequence of the rule making action was to make people question the rules because, again, what we were told and made to believe just ain’t matching up to what has been going on all this time and overshadowed by homosexuality.

“I’m confused.” I’ve heard and/or have seen this so many times it isn’t funny and the reason for the confusion is actually pretty easy to explain… but not so easy to accept because, again, everything you thought you knew, everything that you believed, was just proven to be incorrect at the least, an outright lie at the worst. The confusion is pretty horrific; it’s part intelligence, part emotional and even when you can intelligently wrap your head around what you’re feeling, emotionally, it’s the clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks – it’s the thing that makes people ask themselves why this happened to them, makes them say that they didn’t ask for these powerful and confusing feelings and, yeah, sometimes and in some people, it can almost literally shut their brain down and force a reboot which, as such things tend to go, may or may not work and more so if the original fault producing cause isn’t dealt with.

But how do you deal with the cause of the fault when it’s the morality we live by that’s causing your brain to keep rebooting? It’s why the next and usual question from someone confused by this is, “What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?” And the answer isn’t always as forthcoming since, um, no one was ever taught to deal with such an internal conflict although, yeah, sure, the “typical” response to this is sexual – and emotional; I don’t want anyone to forget this aspect.

In an earlier writing along these lines, I opined about those folks who believed that the world was flat… and how it fucked with their heads when it was proven that, nope, it’s not flat – it’s mostly round but the reason you thought and believed it was flat was because ships, in particular, always seemed to disappear once they crossed the horizon.

Even in this, it took a whole lot of time and quite a few inhumane reactions for humans to get their head around the fact that the world wasn’t flat and quite contrary to that which they had always believed.

Bisexuality is like that. Even today, when we’ve kind recovered from the initial shock of bisexuality being a real thing (which still gives me a bad case of the giggles), we are going out of our way to say that it isn’t and shouldn’t be and the harder we try to poke holes in it, the more we’re seeing that it’s fairly poke-proof but we do give it the good old college try just the same. Why?

Because, once again, everything we thought we knew about love, sex, and relationships has been turned on its head; we’ve been hit with the truth and in true human fashion, eh, we’re not handling it very well.

“Am I ever going to stop being confused by this?”

Sure you will… the moment you stop believing in something that obviously isn’t true. Ya don’t have to do anything about it if you can’t or don’t want to but the truth is bisexuality has always been a real thing and it can happen to anyone at any time, with or without “warning” and is something that can be entered into purposely as well as “accidentally.”

The rules don’t just disappear; even as I sit and type this, I can “feel” them circulating around in my head because, sure, I know what they are just like mostly everyone does… I just don’t buy into them because I know they’re flawed. I’m male and a man (for all you gender folks) and I know for a fact that my interests should only be in women… just like I know for a fact that they aren’t. What I know just doesn’t match the reality I’ve experienced and while there may have been a time when I was similarly confused – “How can something that feels so good be so bad?” – I stopped being confused once I figured out why I was confused in the first place.

Which is why I spend as much time as I do writing about this so that others will know that there’s a reason why they feel confused and that reason is conflicting information. Now it becomes a matter of whether or not someone wallowing in this confusion can “reprogram” their mind to accept the truth and stop believing that things are boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl – the truth is that they are also all of these things while not being any one of them exclusively.

In such discussions, I’ve asked you to think about your own thoughts about bisexuality… and then question them. Where did you get them from? Do you really believe that if, say, you don’t believe in this, that you’re actually having an original thought? You aren’t. Your intelligence can easily assimilate this; sure, I suppose people can be bisexual but the belief system that has been pounded into your head will tell you that, nope, not the way shit is supposed to be…

And you could, if you cared to, ask yourself why you’re thinking like that. You’re conditioned to think like that and that conditioning has been reinforced over the whole of your life and it continues from generation to generation and to the point where we even sound a bit cray-cray because we’re saying that people shouldn’t (or can’t) be bisexual and in the face of the unvarnished truth that people are, not to mention that there’s a bisexual writing all of this for you to see and consider, if you are of a mind to.

Which thing, do you think, is right? Those of us who are no longer confused will tell you – or, at least, I will, that what you believe – what you’ve been made to believe, just isn’t the truth – it can’t be; otherwise, everyone who has ever lived would have been heterosexual… and history, that thing we keep failing to learn from, proves that this isn’t true.

It’s just the way things are supposed to be and, duh, things aren’t always the way they’re supposed to be, are they? We know this. We accept this as fact. Can’t accept it when we discover that, oops, we might be bisexual. Not really straight but not really gay, either.

As I say in these things, ya don’t have to believe me – ask yourself, then go ask someone else and a lot of someone else’s and see if you don’t wind up seeing what I saw so many decades ago, that a lot of people are just now finding out for themselves and even if you’re not of a mind to be bisexual yourself, I’m thinking, maybe even hoping, that you won’t be confused by this any longer.

I’ll leave you with two thoughts. The first is the famous quote uttered by Sherlock Holmes: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” You know, for a fictional character, that dude made a lot of sense, huh? The next is the concept of Occam’s Razor, that being, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.

It’s not impossible that people are bisexual and the simplest explanation is that we’ve always been able to be bisexual if that’s how things shake out for us. Ain’t the way things are supposed to be… just the way things really are.

 
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Posted by on 15 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Would It Be Easier?

I was looking at my Dashboard while wondering if I had a TBT for today when I saw the entry for “Is It Normal?” and I thought – once the coffee had finally hit my brain, “If people were allowed to be bisexuals, would it be easier to be bisexual?”

Sure, the social pressures would be gone (except in those who just refuse to change) and while no one would be giving you high fives for being bi, they’d no longer be asking crazy questions like, “Are you sure you ain’t really gay?” and, maybe, just maybe, a guy or a gal could wake up one morning, look at their partner and say, “Honey, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual…” and their partner will say, “That’s great! That opens up a whole new avenue of things for us to enjoy together because I’m bisexual, too!”

Yeah, right; probably not so realistic but that’s the kind of pressure that could be relieved if bisexuality was more socially and morally allowable than it is at this very moment… still begs the question of whether or not it would be easier to be bisexual.

I’m not sure it would be. While staring at my Dashboard – and while this scribble was forming atop that layer of caffeine – I saw a couple of likes from my comment to The Acquiescent Soul’s post about Coming Out Day and sure enough guys like him would greatly benefit from being able to tell anyone he cares to that he’s bi since it would remove a pressure point from his mind and, indeed, there are bisexuals everywhere in the world who could benefit being able to do this without recrimination, retaliation, or otherwise getting their heads handed to them and their lives shattered due to uncaring rejection.

My brain asked, “Yeah, that would be nice… but would it make it easier for those who wanna do the nasty to, uh, ah, do the nasty like that?”

I responded, “I don’t know; just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean you’re really gonna be able to do it, right? Plus, if you look at how some guys behave about this aspect, shit, many are already making it impossible for them to do whatever they wanna do… so it almost stands to reason that if there was more acceptance and permission given, would anything in this regard really change?”

My brain – after commanding my hand to pick up my cup of coffee again – said, “Yeah… you have a point there since, you know, it’s still gonna be people being funny about having sex.”

There are moments like this when I look at everything I know, see patterns unfolding in my knowledge and… nothing. The part of my brain not fiending for more coffee is doing its usual “if, then, else” thing and looking at as many possibilities it can see and while it can almost easily see a day coming where being bisexual will be treated better, better acceptance doesn’t necessarily equate to freer sex, you know, for those who very much want to indulge.

You’d still have to positively identify someone who has gotten your attention this way and you still have to convince them that it would be good for one and all to get the dicks out and put them to use… but when I see a bi guy on the forum asking the membership if getting with a guy who only has a six-inch dick will be radically different than getting with a guy with a whopping eight thick inches, yeah, I don’t see such thinking lending itself to much in the way of things being easier.

There are guys who are free and clear to indulge themselves… and not indulging themselves and I’m not sure that removal of the social angst against bisexuals would work toward getting them off the bench and into the game and as they say they want to be since the chances of running into one’s visions of Mr. Right are slim, that and a lot of guys, strangely, are not of a mind to do any of the work required that would get them the dick they crave.

“What would it take?” my brain asked.

“I think we’d need to change our perceptions about sex,” I said, taking another sip of coffee and as my fingers started typing this. “I think there’d have to be some way to change focus from that which is preferred to that which can be done… and with anyone who’s willing to do something – does that sound just about right?”

“It does make some sense,” my brain said after a moment to, um, let more caffeine soak in. “Now the question is – and I’ll admit that it’s highly rhetorical – is how likely is that to happen at some point in this dynamic and as it currently stands?”

“Not very,” I admitted. “It’s too… personal in that respect, a set of conditions created from faulty information at best, I think.”

“What do you mean?” my mind asked, raising a Mr. Spock-like eyebrow and, yeah, it’s kinda silly because it’s not like that part of my brain doesn’t know why I’d say this but this is my blog, I need more coffee, and I’m having fun with this.

“Well, recall, if you will, some of the stuff we saw yesterday while cleaning out the spam in Tumblr,” I reminded myself. “You gotta admit that based on a lot of information we’ve been gathering, the guys depicted in pictures and clips are meant to represent the ideal sexual partner and the preferences of a lot of guys play right into this, from being numbingly handsome to having really big dicks, nice tight buns, and their six-pack has a six-pack.”

“Yes, but we see this every day, don’t we? We don’t discount that other men are seeing this and postulate that these are the images they’re basing their preferences on and more so for those who are without actual experience,” my brain said as it nodded – whether it was really agreeing with me or nodding because of yet another sip of coffee is debatable.

“I know, which is why I think that we need to take a different approach to sex and be willing and able to not only do what we prefer to do but be very aware and just as willing to entertain that which is possible,” I said while nodding in agreement. “I also think that by creating the schism between being a top and a bottom, that isn’t exactly conducive to a more open mindset about sex in general; too many guys believe that they can’t do something that they’ve never tried to do and it’s more of a “preference” than it is admitting that they don’t know how to do something or, at the least, have reason to believe that they can’t… or shouldn’t.”

“You’re aware that some of this shit just ain’t for everyone,” my brain reminded me.

“I am aware, yes… but if you don’t try it, how do you really know something isn’t your cup of tea?” I countered – gee, I love having these conversations with myself.

“Excellent point and it does speak to the main topic of what your fingers are doing – acceptance and even permission doesn’t really make a lot of this any easier, does it?” my brain said with a sigh.

“No… I still don’t think so although I do sense that there will be many who will make it their business to make this aspect easier on themselves,” I replied and with a sigh of my own. “It’s just not happening fast enough for a lot of bisexuals to begin being happy with themselves and in every aspect.”

“True that…” my brain said. “Bisexuals could come out in droves and in unbelievable numbers… but would it really change anything?”

“I don’t know; one can hope that it would,” I said. “It’s starting to look like this is a difference which makes no difference, isn’t it?”

“The two disparate things do not seem to go hand in hand, no…,” my brain admitted.

I kinda hate these moments because they tend to rain on my parade where bisexuality is concerned. No, it’s not my “job” to paint bisexuality in positive ways and at every turn but I’m human and to the point where I see so many men and women struggling with this because it’s “unacceptable” and “immoral” behavior at many social levels and while many bisexuals just don’t give a fuck about what society has to say about this, there are many who do give a fuck. It’s not really an exercise in “what if” as it is me wondering that if acceptance and permission miraculously appeared tomorrow, would it make being bisexual any easier than it is right this very moment?

My protege and I discuss this a lot and we both agree that as far as removing some major pressure points, yep, that would be a damned good thing; it would make coming out a lot less traumatic than it is right now and many bisexuals would just feel better about themselves not having to carry the heavy weight of their “secret” around. So, yes, easier in that aspect… but not so much in others and more so when some of the current angst, at least to me, appears to want to make the sex not so much of a thing to be considered – that would be the “hearts, not parts” gang and a gang who, I think, doesn’t understand or want to understand that sex is and always has been about putting the parts together and that, nope, engaging one’s heart isn’t always doable, desired, or required.

Remember the guy I mentioned who asked about doing it with a guy with only six inches? When I responded to him, I asked him if it should make a difference or not as well as the thing he should probably be paying more attention to. While some guys responded in a similar fashion, there were a lot of guys who, just like with the risk thing I wrote about yesterday, were “imposing their will” on the OP by saying that if he wasn’t going to go after the biggest dicks, anything else is a waste of time and effort and that he should leave the guy with the small cock alone.

What really got me about this particular thread is that one guy asked him if he was a size queen… and the OP had to have that explained to him… and now you might begin to understand why I’m of a mind that acceptance and permission might not make this easier. On the real, is there a difference between being boned by a big dick and a smaller one? Sure there is… but does it really matter as long as you’re being boned and having fun at the same time? I don’t think it does… but many think that it does matter and none of this aspect will be easier because none of us are really on the same page about this thing in particular.

My thought is that if you wanna know how different it might be to you, um, let the guy with six inches bring whatever skills he has to you and find out instead of asking a question you’re not going to get a definitive answer to… because there is no definitive answer. You’re either gonna find it different and not so much to your liking… or you’re gonna realize that it really doesn’t make a difference and to that end, acceptance and permission just isn’t going to lend itself toward ease of doing.

I hate mind-days like this but, yeah, it was on my mind so I wrote it… and there’s no more coffee in my cup, damn it. I wrote this because, just to satisfy my own curiosities about this, um, where is all of this going, that and guys ask me questions like this and questions that should be answered and as best as they can be. My protege asks, “Wouldn’t things be better?”

And I say that, in theory, yeah – they would be… but. I know – I just did that “Yeah, but…” thing to myself even though my “but” is… I don’t know if they really would be; bisexuality would probably be the greatest thing since sliced bread if people weren’t involved but since they are, the outcome is in question and there are no easy answers.

 
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Posted by on 12 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Beginning

True enough, there’s a first time for everything and, duh, bisexuality is included in those first time moments.

There’s a… disconnect? Not sure that’s the right word for what I’m thinking; could be “gap” or some similar word but today, on the forum and reading one of the recurring themes, it becomes obvious that there are guys who discover bisexuality right out of the gate and those guys who are late to the party and by late I mean they don’t discover this until they’re like in their mid-thirties. Some stats I once read hinted that guys experiment with homosexuality between the ages of 16 and 25 and I’m not sure how they’re figuring that out but, nah, not even close.

Maybe they figure that the onset of puberty is the deal here – not sure and kinda not relevant given what I know but I had to mention it. Anyway…

That recurring thread is about one’s first time experiencing dick and, often, their initial reactions. And while the stories are quite interesting – from an observer’s point of view – there’s always great interest about someone’s first time: It’s kinda like a validation to know that not only did a guy have a first time, other guys did as well and more so when you see enough first-time stories and you can detect a pattern or two and close enough where your own first time isn’t as unique as it appeared to be.

One question that the late attenders ask themselves is why did I wait so long before doing this? The early adopters tend not to ask that question since being on the ground floor means one didn’t have to wait very long. So there’s a bond that can be shared between those guys who were first in the pool… and a different bond for those guys who showed up after the pool got crowded.

There are guys who are returning to the party after a lengthy absence; those are the guys who “experimented” early on, dropped out, but found their way back. The curious thing about these guys is that they tend to discount or even disavow anything they did before becoming and adult and I’ve tried to make sense of this behavior for a very long time.

It’s like that difference between having a juvenile police record and an adult one; you know you did stuff that got the cops’ attention in your youth but the law puts a clear line between what you did when young and what you do as an adult and, well, some returning guys treat their return in the same kind of way.

Anyway…

It’s funny in that every guy who gets started in this has that feeling that they’re the only one who has stumbled into this, a feeling I also know well but the part that’s funny is that if you were running around doing this with other boys, um, obviously, you’re not the only one who knows about this and I like to say, with a high degree of certainty, that there aren’t too many grown men who doesn’t know that guys have sex with guys…

It’s just strangely different when you’re the guy and now you have this… need to know if there are other guys who got started in similar – and even different – ways.

Sometimes, you see more experienced guys giving the not-so-experienced guys da bizness for being naive about this and I think this happens because they’ve “forgotten” their own first time and if I were a new guy, I’d be some kind of annoyed having this attitude laid on me; it’s like how people who have a job give those who can’t find a job da bizness and like it’s so easy to just go out and find a job these days.

What’s the deal with women and their first time in this? I dunno; even the bisexual women I know don’t really talk about it a whole lot if at all. They’re like it happened, they liked it, didn’t like it, changed back to liking it and why are you asking me about something I don’t have a reason to talk about?

I know they do talk about it… with other women; you’d just have to search high and low to find the places they “hang out” and talk to each other about it.

Anyway…

For some, reading a guy’s first experience can go a long way to mitigating any trauma one may have experienced; they can find some “comfort” in knowing that they weren’t the only one to have less than a wonderful beginning but I think the most important thing about reading these stories is that guys are opening up and talking about them – period – and this serves to create a bond between all bisexual guys while making it obvious that we’re the same… and different… and it’s all good.

One guy wrote, in an earlier incarnation of the “first time” post, that once he shared his story with the membership, it took a lot of pressure off of his mind and this, in particular, speaks to something I learned: The worst thing about being bisexual is having no one you can talk to about being bisexual.

In these stories, it’s not so much about what happened – although, um, some guys tell some pretty hot stories – but it also serves to teach the guys who are sitting on the bench some stuff. In the comments on some stories, guys are keen to know if they initially liked what they did, didn’t like it, were scared silly or totally and completely fearless and more than eager as well as eager but understandably leery.

Did you know what you were doing that first time? A lot of guys say they didn’t know anything about sex and that, all by itself, isn’t unusual but those same guys are amazed at how quickly they got schooled and, indeed, it is incredibly amazing how that works. They went, in a matter of seconds or minutes, not knowing anything about it to instinctively knowing which, I think, lends itself to my thought that evolution has programmed this behavior in all of us – then it’s just a matter of whether or not that gets activated or not.

That’s for some other time.

Like, I read how some guy’s first time came via cock sucking; they share that they didn’t know what the deal was but when the dick met mouth, they just knew what to do, that or, in their words, they figured it out pretty damned quickly. So, yeah, there’s always great interest in how a guy reacted to being blown that first time or doing the blowing, just as there is for that first time being screwed.

It all establishes that commonality, creates a bond and, again, let’s them know that while they are, indeed, unique and different, eh, not really and more so because everyone has a first time – now it’s all in the details. You learn that age doesn’t matter in this – there are guys my age who are just now discovering bisexuality; you learn that things like race, creed, where you live in the world and other such stuff doesn’t matter. From the big cities to the smallest townships; rich, poor, somewhere in the middle – doesn’t matter.

Some differences that are of interest and I’ll start with one of my infamous back in the day observations (yeah, ya knew it was coming): Back then, we did it all until we settled into that which we liked and avoided, whenever possible that which we didn’t care for so much but the key thing here is that you tried it all on for size.

Today, guys are coming out of the gate knowing exactly how they want to make an entrance and, for those still riding the pine, they’ve carefully crafted what their first time should be like. I’m not saying they’re wrong in this but, yeah, it’s probably not the “smartest” thing they could do since, more often than not, that first time isn’t going to go as imagined or even be close enough for government work. A lot of guys get totally and completely disillusioned behind this kind of thinking…

But when you can read of a guy who had his first time “dreams” shattered, yeah, you’re not alone in that aspect and one can learn a lot about this by reading how the other guy recovered from this ‘shattering’… and, yeah, how they are still kinda/sorta struggling with the reality of things.

And reading such things can take a lot of weight off of a guy, whether he’s an old hand at this or someone just arriving to the party and that, to me, is the real benefit given that, for some, this bisexual thing is very damned confusing and complicated. It doesn’t matter if one’s first time was… yucky or not; you had one, you shared it with others and by doing so, took your place among the brotherhood of bisexual men.

 
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Posted by on 10 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Really Normal?

Every now and then, my protege will ask me if bisexuality is, in fact, more normal than we are led to believe and of all the things bisexual we talk about, this conversation is one of the more deeper ones. He’s one of those guys I say were late to the party; no bisexul leanings or interest in his younger days and while he admits to some early interest, it wasn’t until a few years ago when bisexuality made its introduction to him.

He, like so many others who showed up late to the party, finds himself thinking or, really, rethinking everything he was taught about sex; when we talk about this, we almost always talk about the origins of bisexuality or what conditions prevailed way back then that made choosing to be on both sides of the sexuality spectrum a thing to do. He likes to point out bisexuality in animals – bonobo monkeys are the classic example – which always make me “remind” him that humans are animals, too, that and our higher brain functions lends themselves to the creation of things that wind up being crucial to being human…

Like being able to have sex (or be romantically engaged) with men and women – not men or women.

Where is it written that only women can suck cock? Even today, we believe that this has always been a woman’s “job” to do, not that all women agree with this but it stands to reason – and has been proven long before any of us were born – that if a woman can suck a dick, a man can suck a dick, too. Likewise, do you really believe that eating pussy is and always has been a man’s thing to do?

Of course, we talked about fucking and the train of logic keeps rolling along: If a guy can fuck a woman in the ass – and if she’s down with that – then what’s so different about fucking a man in the ass… other than the person on the receiving end of the high hard one being male? It becomes rather obvious that women aren’t the only ones that can be fucked… they’re just the preferred target in this and I will keep saying this: It’s all about making babies.

We talk about how social programming and conditioning plays into this and more so when, truth be told, we all have the potential to be bisexual; it’s encoded into our genes over centuries of human evolution… but that programming was designed to not allow this potential to come out. You wanna have sex and fall in love? Your focus is and should always be in the opposite sex direction…

Except, it really isn’t and it never was but if you understand any of this – and most people don’t because, eh, that’s ancient history shit – you have to know that there was a reason why these edicts were put in place and why anything that prevented conception was forbidden.

For the most part, we – humans – obey the edicts and go along with the social programming… until something happens that breaks the conditioning or gives us what we think is a damned good reason to buck the system and do those things we’ve been told never to do.

My protege asks a somewhat rhetorical question: Wouldn’t it be better if those restrictions weren’t in place? That our mindset about these things got revised to reflect how we really are – and can be – about these things? He sometimes asks, hypothetically, if the rift between men and women could be closed if bisexuality was more of the norm and more so in relationships; he’s of a mind that if we all were “allowed” to be bisexual, for one, women wouldn’t feel so much pressure – and seriously object – to being the preferred sexual object. He goes on to say that maybe, just maybe, the number of sex-related crimes against women would pretty much go away if men could have sex with each other and in those moments when a woman just ain’t feeling that – and then, women aren’t getting bent out of shape because of it.

He asks, “Is this the way we’re really meant to be?” and it’s a good question. The rules say we’re not… yet, a gazillion people are, in fact and in deed, bisexual. It’s looked at as deviant behavior and I’d suppose it is given the rules as they stand but the reality is that it’s just humans being… human. We often go out of our way to deny it but, um, we love having sex and given our highly evolved brains, we can and will find many ways to have sex and the proof, of course, has been in our faces the whole time.

Some of us limit our sexual things in the preferred opposite sex way; some are wholly same sex… so it also stands to reason that there are people for whom having sex both ways just makes sense. I often “remind” him that if, in our case, men aren’t supposed to have sex with each other, we wouldn’t be able to do it but, yeah, we can, can’t we?

He’ll talk about male bonding and, yep, it’s something we do when we’re not looking at each other as being our competition and “enemies” to be eliminated; he asks that if it were easier to bond by having sex with each other, could it go along way to removing the anymousity with have with each other and, importantly, provide an outlet for our hard-wired need to have sex?

It’s another good question and men do bond in this way and it’s not always with romantic intent – think bro-job if that’ll help you understand this. It’s not that men can’t develop “deep feelings” for each other because we can but in many instances, those feelings are present and something says that sex with the guy you’ve bonded with just makes sense… but things stop short of that…

And sometimes they don’t. He – and many others including myself – are of a mind that if it’s headed that way, let nature run its course. It’s not just an outlet for our lust; sex is also an expression of affection. We know that women develop levels of affection for other women; they kiss, hug, stuff like that but they, too, often stop short of stripping each other naked and really expression their affection…

And sometimes they don’t. And, really, there’s nothing wrong with this even though, forever and ever, the rules say not to do this for any reason. Doesn’t change the fact that a lot of men and women are saying, “Fuck those rules! I need this and if ya don’t like it, fuck you, too!”

Some of us aren’t of a mind to explore bisexuality and that, too, makes sense. Despite what’s being said, it is a choice and I don’t know why people think it isn’t. I understand, if no one else seems to, that while you can’t do much about the way you feel, you can do something about how you act on those feelings – or not – and that is choice. We both hear people saying that they didn’t ask to be bisexual and to have those feelings and, yeah, no one really does – it just happens but now one has to decide – choose – what, if anything, they’re gonna do about their feelings… even if they choose not to do anything.

Is it normal? Well, I’m thinking that it is. It feels… abnormal and only because of the social programming and conditioning we all know about; it’s the source of that guilty feeling one gets when they dive into the pool because the water is really fine… but they were told that it isn’t supposed to be fine.

My protege often has… issues about this and they’re understandable. I’ll ask him, “What’s the difference between a woman sucking your dick and a man doing it?” and, as expected, he has a hard time answering the question and, on the real, most people do. His issue is that he’s thinking about who is sucking away on his dick… and not thinking about the act itself. When you change your focus, there is no difference. Fucking is fucking and, duh, the one and only meaningful difference is that men only have one orifice that can be fucked but, again, the focus is on who and not so much on the act itself.

Yes, indeed, the “hearts, not parts” gang has it partially correct; we do very much take into consideration the person we wanna get naked with and, often, in some incredibly detailed ways… but sometimes, we just wanna get naked with someone because we can get naked with them which, of course, goes completely against the rules and makes each and everyone one of us guilty of the sin of fornication – that’s sex without being married, by the way and, no, merely being engaged doesn’t absolve you of this particular sin.

Yet and still, we do it anyway, don’t we? We need to have sex for a lot of reasons that doesn’t have anything to do with making babies and, yes, indeed, some of us have learned or otherwise discovered that both men and women suit this purpose quite nicely. We love the intimacy of sex, are scared shitless over how vulnerable it can make us but are very much aware of how good it can make us feel and the truth we tend to find unacceptable is that we can, in fact, have sex with anyone, male and female, if that’s how it’s gonna happen.

Because it’s normal and natural for us to have sex even though we do find reasons not have it and if I remember correctly, Sigmund Freud said that the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.

Hmm.

As I’ve said, this particular conversation gets pretty deep. I learned a long time ago that the key thing to understanding bisexuality is being able to understand sex as it can be rather than how it’s supposed to be.

I know – you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…” and I get it; you’ve been conditioned to think that way and to the point where you actually believe you came to this conclusion on your own – you didn’t and most people get one hell of a shock if they happen to figure this out. Many people say they couldn’t be bisexual when, truthfully, they could be… if they wanted to be… but the conditioning is deeply imbedded and unbreakable.

And it gets broken by those who are bisexual. Not easily but broken just the same. It’s why a lot of bisexuals have… issues while having that sense of being freed or liberated from the restraints that have been instill in us.

Normal? Sure it is. If having sex is considered to be normal – and is falling in love or otherwise having deep feelings of affection for someone, what is it that makes bisexuality “abnormal?” I know why. My protege is finding out why. Right this very moment, some guy or gal is finding out why this is a lot more normal than we’ve been led to believe.

It just doesn’t go by the rules. You have choices (there’s that word again): You can say, “Fuck the rules!” and indulge yourself in the available physical and emotional pleasures… or you can keep playing by the rules and keep believing that becoming bisexual ain’t ever gonna happen to you which, by the way, is also rather normal.

Yet, many people wind up changing their minds; they go from “I couldn’t do that shit!” to “How come I never did this before now?” Some folks, like yours truly, got on the bandwagon early and never got off of it and some folks are like my protege – they’re late to the party and he – and so many others – kinda say it’s better late than not at all.

If nothing else, bisexuality teaches you something about being human and it’s the same lesson homosexuals learned as well. Not supposed to be like that… really is like that.

Normal. Not really as abnormal as we’ve been led to believe. As always in this, you don’t have to believe me but the truth is still out there. I know the truth and, clearly, I’m not the only one who knows it; just a matter if one can handle the truth, huh? Another truth is that many people do accept that there be bisexuals among us – it just really makes sense that this is true but, bleh, it’s not for them.

And yet another truth is that it isn’t for everyone and as evidenced by the many people who gave it a try at some point in their life and, nah, didn’t work for them so much. Being me, I question why it didn’t and I think I know why… but this scribble has gotten long enough as it is and as fellow blogger Larry pointed out to me (yeah, I bet you thought I forgot that, huh?). But this stuff must be brought into the light and I’m just the bi guy to do it since no one else seems to want to get into the guts of this.

At first, I thought, in our most recent conversation about this, that my protege had some major concerns about this but he let me know that even after all he’s experienced, it just amazes him how normal this feels to him and that there are so many men and women who embrace bisexuality and, often, easily so (comparatively speaking, of course).

And I get it. To me, being bisexual is as normal and natural as breathing and to the point where I really don’t think about it – I yam what I yam (thanks, Popeye!). Other bisexuals eventually get to this point as well and they do, indeed, feel quite normal whether they’re having their way with a man or a woman (and sometimes both if they’re lucky like that).

Society, as a whole, needs to accept the normalcy of it all and, perhaps, abolish the restrictions that are in place. Maybe they realize this just as they are seeing that a slew of people are choosing to ignore all of the restrictions that have been placed on us and just doing their thing as needed. For them, it’s a loss of control and a method of control that used to serve them well…

But not any more. It doesn’t signal an end to morality so much as it is people finally finding out that some of those rules are pure bullshit and, in fact, gets in the way of our God-given right to self-determination and if we’re gonna burn in hell, hmm, we hope we can get our hands on some SPF 10,000,000 protection or plenty of burn cream.

Because at the end of any day, we all have to do what we have to do. If sucking another guy’s cock or eating another woman’s coochie – and being able to indulge in both things – is the thing we are “compelled” to do or, really, just works to serve the purpose – then that’s what we’re gonna do and fuck the rules and more so when those same rules are the reason why bisexuality is deemed to be abnormal and deviant behavior.

For men, in particular, if lying down and subjecting yourself to another man’s lust by being screwed is what makes you feel whole and complete as a person, well, be safe and use plenty of lube.

Normal? Yeah, it is even if you don’t think it is or should be and the proof, if you’re willing to accept it, is that there are a lot of bisexuals – we are legion. It’s even being hinted at that bisexuals outnumber heteosexuals and homosexuals combined – the problem, of course, is trying to identify who’s bisexual and who isn’t and the even bigger problem: Some folks weren’t bisexual yesterday… but they are today… and they never had a clue that they would or could be.

And sometimes they do have a clue; just a matter of girding one’s loins and doing what they’ve always known they wanted and needed to do… and, yup, fuck the rules. Even more, there are bisexuals who don’t have the sex – and just how to you put a number to these people?

Now it’s just really and always a question of whether or not society can accept just how normal biesexuality really is.

 
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Posted by on 9 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Escapism?

Here’s another one of those “then and now” moments that popped into my head re bisexual visibility:

Back in the day, bisexuals didn’t worry about being visible because no one was fucking with us – the main focus was entirely on homosexuals and you could choose to look at this as the right hand not knowing what the left hand was doing or that those raging, moral, homophobes were too busy bashing homosexuals to pay any attention to bisexuals which, I’ll remind you, a lot of people didn’t give much credence to; it was either a joke or a way to rib a friend or, sometimes, people just didn’t want to believe you when you confessed to going both ways and, sure, some people thought it was pretty cool to be so sexually liberated.

Today, there are many people pitching a bitch about bisexuals being invisible and, I’d guess, a clear and present danger to society and mostly because you can’t easily identify a bisexual. Even if you suspected someone is bi, chances are good they’re not going to admit it, not out of any sense of being ashamed but the plight homosexuals found themselves in is very well known and all you have to do to have seen this at work was the “recent” raft of shit over gay marriage and other civil rights.

Back then – and at least in my local environment – we (bisexuals) didn’t worry a whole lot about being outed. It happened, of course, but those who discovered our secret, even then, could only see the homosexual aspects and even I had to endure that “Are you really gay?” question more times than I care to think about. And, even then, people who learned of your secret would be of a mind that as long as you didn’t come at them, they were good with you playing for both teams.

Today? Well, people have gotten better… but not a whole lot and certainly not to the extent where bisexuals worldwide are going to start wearing “I’m bisexual!” name tags so that those interested – or worried – can easily pick us out of a crowd. Coming out is like the number one concern for bisexuals, followed closely by being outed.

I sit and think about this invisibility thing and I try to find the sense in it… and I’m still not finding much about it that makes a whole lot of sense other than a knee-jerk reaction by a society that appears to have been blindsided by the fact that here there be bisexuals among us… and folks have been shitting their pants ever since and, in particular, the gay community.

They’ve had a love/hate relationship with bisexuals for as long as I can remember and as evidenced by the many times I’ve had a gay person tell me that I should really be gay, that I shouldn’t bother with women (those evil, nasty critters) or when I’ve heard horror stories from gay folks who got involved with a bisexual and things didn’t go the way they expected them to.

There’s a reason why it’s said that bisexuals can’t commit to much of anything. It stands to reason that if I’ve heard this, a lot of bisexuals have heard it and even experienced it; I recall telling a gay man, after we knocked some holes in the walls – and he kinda went off on me about being bi – that he didn’t seem to have a problem with me being bisexual when I had my dick buried in his ass – but now he does?

Sex has always been a matter of very strict privacy in our society and to the point where we know people have sex… all kinds of sex… and are prone to categorically deny that we are because, duh, it’s no one’s business how they get their rocks off. Back then, you just did not run around talking about all the dick you were getting because it wasn’t anyone’s business but, guys being guys, sure, we’d gossip and tell tall tales about all the pussy we were wreaking havoc on… or not. If you were into the dick thing, well, unless you expressed an interest, it was just on a need to know basis…

And most people didn’t need to know because the number one insult to a bisexual is to insist that they’re gay… and who wanted to listen to that bullshit and bullshit coming from people who really didn’t know what they were talking about.

Today, if there’s a reason why bisexuals are loathe to remove their cloaks of invisibility, it’s because they’d be exposing themselves to a lot of people who still don’t know what they’re talking about – that and by any stretch of the imagination, we are not gay so, please, don’t lump us into this and think – or otherwise believe – that one size fits all.

In this, we’re not the droids you’re looking for; if you’re looking for homosexuals for some reason, you’re not gonna find any here.

The invisibility issue does cause some problems for bisexuals: Like finding another bisexual you can be bisexual with. I maintain that you could be standing next to a bisexual, you work with one, maybe even someone you are close with can be one… and unless they told you, you’d never know it because bisexuals look and behave just like everyone else does.

Sure, there’s the whole down-low thing but lemme tell you something about that. The DL has existed like forever and it’s been a place where if you were doing something that you didn’t want anyone else to know, you kept it on the DL and that could be literally anything from not letting someone know you didn’t pay your rent on time to the more notorious aspects like having an affair.

If you cared to, you could say that bisexuals have been on the DL since day one along with those folks who embraced wife-swapping back in the 1950s like it was going out of style; you were into it and if you weren’t part of it, ya didn’t need to know what Bob, Ted, Alice, and Carol were doing on the weekends with, to, and for each other.

Today the DL – and where bisexuals are concerned – has become a den of iniquity and depravity, populated by disease-ridden lepers that should be avoided at all costs but it is to note that the DL, such as it is, has always been a risky place to do any business you don’t want anyone else to know about.

Back then, bisexuals weren’t a threat to anyone; today, we are and because so many people have been slamming the disease card onto the table so hard the table is starting to crack, is it any wonder why there are so many bisexuals who prefer to remain invisible and not wind up being guilty by association?

The vaunted CDC and World Health Organization has been dutifully collecting information on sexually transmitted diseases, infections, and most of all, HIV/AIDS and today, bisexuals seem to be at the top of the list in these things and we’ve forgotten – or it appears that we have – that when the HIV/AIDS thing came into the light, homosexuals were the prime vector; I can still remember the jokes in those early days where you’d ask who was out in the jungle fucking monkeys because monkeys had been identified as the source of this.

Well, until straight and monogamous folks started contracting the disease; so much for that homosexual, IV-drug using individual who was targeted, huh? Today, we know there are many vectors, from unsafe sex to tainted blood supplies and even extending to unclean medical situations but if you went by the stats collated and distributed by those two organizations I mentioned, you’d believe that bisexuals are now the number one cause of every sexually transmitted disease known to man.

Who among us wants to have this hung on us? I sure as fuck don’t. People have, historically, been careless when it comes to sex and while the “come out of hiding” gang is quick to quote those stats I mentioned, they also conveniently don’t tell you about all of the stats collected – just the ones that will guarantee that bisexuals will be feared and just like homosexuals were… or maybe still are in some places.

See, I know some shit about statistical analysis, like, you can make the numbers say anything you want them to say and I know because, well, doing that was part of my job for over twenty years.

The CDC says that if you give a guy a blow job, there’s something like a four percent chance of catching something other than a mouthful of sperm and people – even bisexual men – have been freaking out over this but not, I think, looking at what the number doesn’t say: There’s a ninety-six percent chance of not catching anything other than a mouthful of sperm.

Bisexuals remain invisible to escape social angst as well as the disease thing and, yeah, sure, I understand this form of escapism just as I understand why many bisexuals will willfully and purposely come out and to hell with the consequences; it’s about them being unafraid and unashamed that they happily go both ways but, on the other hand, there are many more bisexuals who are equally unafraid and unashamed…

It’s just no one else’s business how they like to get their cookies crumbled.

Then, when you tack on label angst, well, that just makes shit that much more complicated; it doesn’t make “a whole lot of sex” to be bisexual by definition but, um, you’re not the duck you’ve been quacking like. On the one hand, sure – we should stop using certain labels to draw lines in the sand but given our inherent tribal nature, it’s just a thing we do so that we know who is like us and who isn’t, that and it’s my thought that without labels, we’d have a hard time existing in our environment because we didn’t have labels to identify shit.

Don’t get me started on this one, okay?

End of the day, does it really matter if someone is bisexual? No, not really… but humans are a contentious bunch of critters so if we’re not fussing about something, then something must be wrong with us. Many people are NIMBY about it – not in my back yard – and that’s fine. There’s this talk about bisexuals having allies and, indeed, there are a slew of people who have zero problems with bisexuals… as long as you don’t hit them with an indecent proposal or, holy shit, some guy finds out that his wife is bisexual (or the reverse). Now it’s a problem for them, right?

Should bisexuals stay under the radar? This isn’t, in my opinion, a yes or no kind of answer because it’s about how being bisexual suits one’s purposes in life. Will there be a day when bisexuality will be considered the norm? That day might be closer than we can imagine and more so when there’s this theory going around that there may be more bisexuals than there are hetero- and homosexuals… combined. The problem here, of course, is that there’s no way to quantify this theory and because, for good reason, a lot of bisexuals aren’t going to admit that they are, officially or otherwise…

Because it’s none of your damned business, to be kinda polite/impolite about it. Me? I don’t care if you know I’m bisexual just like I really don’t care if you don’t like that I am, you know, being a guy and all that. At the same time, I’m not of a mind to start sending out group messages to everyone on my phone’s contact list and tell them that I’m bi and I’m sure as fuck not going to open Facebook and put my business in the street like that because, to be frankly honest, I got better things to do than to put up with the ignorance people display about something they don’t know jack shit about.

They just think they do. Oh, sure – they might know someone who’s bi… not the same as being bi yourself and I’ve seen people get their minds changed about bisexuality – that would be those people who swore on a lot of holy items that they’d never do any shit like that… then they wind up doing it, and now they know what other bisexuals know but, um, let’s keep that on the DL, okay?

Because no bisexual I know of wants to hear a raft of shit about being bisexual and, again, coming from people who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about as well as being conveniently blind to the fact that we’re not just homosexual, we’re heterosexual, too.

Again, funny how people tend to overlook this important fact, huh?

Back then, bisexuals were “happy” to be off the social radar; today, bisexuals are terrified to wind up on society’s scopes and, as I’ve always pointed out, mostly because society believes something that really isn’t true: Boys do it to boys, girls do it to girls, and there are some of us who do it to both but we believe that it’s not supposed to happen.

Like I’ve been asking – If it’s not supposed to happen, what is everyone bitching about? My own thoughts are that they’re pitching all kinds of bitches because they’re finding out that a lot of that shit they believed isn’t true; their apple cart hasn’t just been overturned – it’s been FUBARed – fucked up beyond all recognition.

Very disturbing, I know, but reality tends to do that. So now we find ourselves in a position of having to “prove” that we’re bisexual by coming out and admitting it to one and all and if you get your life fucked up because you did this, well, maybe you shouldn’t be bisexual or that’s what you get for going against the status quo.

Or some other dumb shit to that nature. I don’t think visibility in this is as big of an issue than it appears to be. Homosexuals had to take the political route to be treated like everyone else gets treated but their problems aren’t our problems and that gets us accused of having a straight privilege and one I call bullshit on because, um, we’ve always been straight as well as being gay so while there are those who firmly believe that we’re faking the funk and in more ways than one – and we aren’t, by the way – you can get a feel of why there are those who think visibility is a problem… because they want it to be a problem for us since, as we all know, misery loves company.

We’ve got a lot of other things to be miserable about already, in that sense like how to be bisexual without getting your head handed to you in the process by those who are anti-bisexual. And as I’ve mentioned before, where do you think the main thrust of this originates?

It’s not with straight folks and as we’re being led to believe. Not that straight folks aren’t on the “everyone has to be straight” bandwagon but, no, that’s not where all the fussing is really coming from – remember, bisexuals have had a love/hate relationship with gays for as long as I’ve been around.

Just saying. Those of you who read my scribbles have your own thoughts about bisexuality that are positive, negative, or NIMBY/indifferent – and that’s to be expected. I’m just the bi guy who has the audacity to speak on the matter and in as much of a real way that I can manage just like I’m the bi guy who will tell you, without any doubts whatsoever, that bisexuals are being bisexuals whether they’re visible or not… and a lack of visibility has never stopped a bisexual from being bisexual.

Maybe you’d never come over to the bi side and that’s fine; it’s not really for everyone and, I think, the ultimate in “acquired tastes.” I tell folks to never say never because you just cannot know how your life might go and in ways that might find you being bisexual – even if, right now, you’re saying, “No fucking way!”

Heard it before. Know for a fact that people have had their minds changed (and I’ve been responsible for that more times than I care to admit to) and many of them would prefer that you don’t know that they had their mind changed. Why?

Because it’s no one else’s business how they get their rocks off. Want some proof? Go up to one of your friends and ask them to tell you, in full detail, about the last time they got laid… and pay attention to the look they get on their face. Maybe you have a friend who’d share that with you but chances are they’re not going to and they may not be of a mind to tell you if they had, um, other ways to crumble their cookies – how high are they really flying their freak flag?

You won’t know… because it’s not any of your business if, say, they’re not exactly always having monogamous sex and if they’re not gonna tell you that, what makes you think they’re gonna volunteer the fact that they might be bisexual as well? You don’t have to believe me but you can, if you choose to, put people you know to the test… and chances are you’re not going to.

Why? Too much information. None of your business unless you think you have a reason to make it your business. Like my late grandfather used to say, “If you don’t really want to know, don’t ask.”

And a lot of people don’t really want to know. I will tell folks to never ask me a question they don’t want to know the answer to because, chances are, they’re not gonna like it. I’m “invisible” and not so much and I’m good with that; the people who need to know already know and there are some folks I’d never tell even under the threat of torture. And of course anyone who reads my blog knows it and I have no idea of how many others have read my blog but, yeah, they know it, too.

Ask me if I really give a fuck. It’s just the way it is and the way it’s always been for bisexuals.

My message to society is to be careful what you wish or ask for – you might get it… and you’re probably not gonna like it.

 
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Posted by on 8 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Putting the Cart First

One of the things I’ve noticed in my observations of other bisexuals is a tendency to put the cart before the horse; they’re spending a lot of time thinking about what to do about their sexuality instead of making themselves as comfortable as they can about being bisexual.

Sure, having the sex and the possibility of relationships are things to give a lot of thought to… but it’s my thought that unless and until you can wrap your head around the complexity of being bisexual, doing that other stuff won’t be all that easy.

I read a blog earlier where a woman was saying that she was concerned with being able to be committed in a relationship when it seemed to me that she wasn’t quite comfortable with being bisexual – well, not comfortable to the point where sex and any other commitments could be easily dealt with.

One of the things I’ve never understood is how someone can discover that they’re bisexual… and there’s this great and powerful urge to do something about it and some find themselves fighting this urge and their idea of common sense is having a hard time keeping the urge at bay. There are, at least in my opinion, putting the cart before the horse; in theory, one should learn to crawl before walking and then get that down pat before trying to run – makes sense, right?

Except, for this analogy, um, according to my mother, I didn’t crawl; one day, I grabbed a table or something, got to my feet and started walking. I don’t remember it but my mom wouldn’t have a reason to lie to me about it and, as such, it’s not really all that unusual that a new bisexual will bypass crawling and go right to running at full speed.

And I don’t know why; I just know it’s a real thing and one that can get someone into trouble if they’re unable to be… settled with their feelings. I’ve heard many a newbie say (paraphrasing), “I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I gotta do something!” – and even without really knowing or understanding what they’re being compelled to do… and, yeah, it’s usually sex but it’s also that need to be with someone who is like you.

It’s why I tell newbies to think first, then act if they must… or if they can. Sometimes the cart gets put before the horse and a newbie finds that they can’t act and, whoa, shouldn’t have acted before really understanding what they were getting themselves into.

Oddly enough, same-sex interactions aren’t really all that different from opposite-sex interactions – it just appears to be different and yet another one of those things that I can’t explain. I’d say it’s pretty “normal” to think that it’s going to be different and in some aspects, it is… but not really. You still go through the “normal” processes of finding someone you can resonate with sexually, emotionally, both or either one. Do you go for the committed relationship with them or do you just wanna scratch your itches? And the really big question: What’s it gonna be like to have sex like this for the first time?

All I’m saying is that before you break out the cart and horse, be sure that you’re hooking them up properly; the horse should pull the cart, not be pushing it. If you can picture this in your mind, you can see that, um, that’s not really gonna work well and getting the proper configuration just might require some additional thought as well as being confident that you can put the horse before the cart instead of the other way.

I understand that part of my “difficulty” with this is due to the fact that I never went through this period; my horse got put in the proper place before the cart and we were off and running and, as such things tend to work out, I got to thinking about it after the fact. For me, this was important; I had actually skipped a step but it didn’t get me all jacked up… but it was still important to be comfortable and even confident that I could do the right things for myself and recognizing that I got lucky.

One should not allow luck to play a role in this because it doesn’t always work out nicely… which is why hitching the horse to the cart properly – and understanding things as best you can – is very damned important before telling the horse to giddy-up and get things rolling.

A lot of newbies spend an awful amount of time thinking about the social implications – what others might say about them and all that… and this is something that is important… but not as important as it is to be able to understand yourself in his. Do you tell other people about this… change you’ve gone through… or do you keep it to yourself? If you get quizzed about this, can you answer their questions? To this end, if confronted with all of this, do you know how to defend yourself?

Before giving the social implications the thought it deserves, ya might wanna make sure that you’ve got yourself in some kind of order so that you will be “ready” to face whatever social implications get between your horse and cart and the path you want to travel.

While one can say, “Let’s just go for it and find out what happens!” eh, that might work… and it might not. Yeah, this is a lot of shit to think about and, yeah, it’s too much for some people to deal with and, yup, it’s really easier to say, “Fuck it!” and do whatever you’re being compelled to do and hope it turns out okay…

But it’s much better to have a plan or two or five in your head about how you’re bisexual, what it means to you and what, if anything, you’re gonna do about it.

 
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Posted by on 26 September 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexuality Day

I think I found out that September 23rd is Bisexuality Day, oh, maybe a couple of years ago but going forward, it isn’t hard for me to forget because it’s also my birthday!

Doesn’t get to be an easier reminder than that, does it?

I’ve been bisexual for all of fifty-five years although, to me, it doesn’t seem like it but in recent scribbles I’ve mentioned being at the for over a half a century and it’s like, wow, where is the time going?

So many experiences. So many lessons learned and let’s not forget the almost nonstop inflow of new information I’m still receiving and processing from others who are like me – seriously old hands at this – as well as a lot of people who are, as I like to say, late to the party and discovering their bisexuality as well.

“We” worry about visibility and validation which is really worrying about what other people think and, as you may know, it’s not bisexuals who have a problem with the reality of bisexuality – it’s all those people who keep insisting that it’s not real and it really does make them look insane to keep pitching a bitch about something they think doesn’t – and/or shouldn’t – exist.

Yet it does and I’m living proof that it does. Now, whether anyone else wants to accept that this is a very real thing isn’t really my problem in that I don’t need anyone else to validate my sexuality since, um, I did that way before a lot of today’s detractors were even born.

There’s some advantage to being an old guy, it seems.

I see these more modern bisexuals “losing their minds” over this asinine attempt to invalidate bisexuality and/or to turn it into something it really isn’t and all to appease their own fragile sensibilities. I once told a person that it must really be a huge kick in the ass to find out that everything you believed about sex – in particular – was never true. It’s not easy to have your worldview shattered like this and I’d say it’s a reflex kind of action to try to reestablish that reality by telling yourself – and others – that this bisexuality thing can’t be for real… because it’s not supposed to be… yet, there’s a bisexual telling you that, oh, hell, yeah – it’s both true and very real.

It’s a sad state of affairs to see this behavior, just as it is sad to see bisexuals buying into the premise that they’re not what they know themselves to be which, in and of itself, is kinda cray-cray. I had someone on Twitter tell me that by not giving bi invisibility any weight or being overly concerned about it, all I’m doing is aiding the attempt to make us go away… and I called bullshit on that because I’m not of a mind to make someone’s problem with this my problem.

I think it’s stupid to say that bisexuals don’t and shouldn’t exist; I refuse to buy into their fears that someone they know could be bisexual… and they don’t know it. I refuse to pay any attention to the crap such people are talking about because I happen to know that they really don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about and, importantly, they seem to have us confused with homosexuals as well as being willing to put the blame on bisexuals for some of the world’s woes when a lot of those allegations could be ascribed to anyone and regardless to sexuality.

I maintain that I cannot be erased – go ahead, give it a try if you dare but if I were you, I wouldn’t do that. I spend quite a bit of time telling my bisexual brothers and sisters that they have more important things to think about regarding their bisexuality than to pay any real attention to those poor schmucks who are shitting their pants about something they don’t understand.

I can taste their fear and it’s laughable as much as it is cause to be concerned; we think we’re better than we’ve been any time in our history… and we aren’t so much, not when there are so many people being delusional and continuing to believe that bisexuality ain’t real and demanding that we all come out of hiding…

When I’m pretty sure a lot of these people don’t think about the fact that they’ve probably encountered quite a few bisexuals… and didn’t even know it. They’ve put their message out there just the same and just yesterday, I saw something on Facebook about more women getting into relationships with bisexual men – and something I’ve been hearing myself. Okay, cool, right? Nope – I looked at some of the comments, written by women, who threw down the disease card as well as slamming down the cheater card and tossing in the evils of being on the DL for good measure and implying that all bisexual men are habitual liars.

And women want to know why we won’t tell them right up front that we’re bisexual? We’re damned if we do, and doubly damned if we don’t.

And it was sad to see this… because they have no idea what they’re talking about and all they were really doing was unintentionally doing their part to keep the smear campaign against bisexual men going. They’re misinformed but people are gonna believe whatever they need to even if you give them undeniable proof that what they believe isn’t true.

So I wonder if it makes sense for any of us to keep beating our heads against the wall trying to make people understand something they don’t want to understand. Because the truth and reality of it all is that no matter what people are saying against bisexuality, it is not stopping anyone from being bisexual.

And if this ain’t real, please, enlighten me: What are you fussing about? Now, I’ve grown up listening to some shit about bisexuality and it was more of a joke, a way to jerk somebody’s chain, than it was a major issue (and like people are trying to make it today). But I’m of a mind that because a lot of bisexuals have, in fact, appeared on the social radar and, yeah, I’m also of a mind that the NY Times article that declared bisexuality to be a real thing got a lot of people scared shitless… even though I was laughing my bisexual ass off when I read the article.

Bisexuals are invisible? Not according to the media! Now, they don’t have the time or incentive to write pieces after interviewing “regular” people – no money for them in this… but let a celebrity come out as being bi and they’re all over it like a bad habit. I see a lot of people blogging about bisexuality… and their writings are about celebrities, TV shows, and movies; my own protege expounds the virtues of the show, “This Is Us” that has a bisexual character in it. Okay, that’s good – so much for being invisible… but. That’s TV; it’s scripted and while the producers do some fact-checking, you know, to keep from getting sued, it’s still some writer’s idea about bisexuality and bisexuals. Still, sure – I’ll agree that it goes a long way into putting our “plight” in the minds of people who love the show…

But do we really have a plight that needs addressing? Well, perhaps and thanks to all those clueless people who are saying we aren’t real – we’re just gay motherfuckers faking at being straight… and if that doesn’t sound idiotic to you, I really don’t know what does or would. There are gay folks “faking” being straight… but you don’t hear about them these days… but I heard a lot of this same shit about straight-acting gays and how some folks were totally blindsided by this.

So all of this shit sounds very familiar to me… because I’ve heard it before and, um, bisexuals weren’t the star of the show. The problem today? There are a lot of people who don’t know that this kind of fussing has only shifted its focus… which is why I write about this and as much as I do. It’s why I reach out to other bisexuals and tell them what I know and what I’ve been and, yeah, I’ll tell them in a hurry that they have more important things to think about than to be bothered by a bunch of clueless people telling them that they’re invisible and don’t exist.

I’m 64 years old today… and I’ve spent 55 of those years being bisexual and being curious enough to want to know as much about it as I can find out, not just because finding out was important to me but because it’s also important to others who are like me and, yep, I know what the non-believers think and I’m pretty sure I know why they think they way they do.

Would I show up at a Pride event and let them know what’s really on my mind about this invisibility shit? They’d wind up throwing me out because I’d tell them how silly they’re being by paying attention to this dumb shit. I’d tell them that they don’t need anyone else to validate them and, yeah, I would tell them that as far as that went, ya do need someone to help you prove you can have the sex and enjoy it.

Just saying. No quasi-political shit; no psychobabble. Just straight up real deal and real life experiences that says to me that this shit is very damned real and just because you can’t easily see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Bisexuality Day… and my birthday. What a curious combination of events…

 
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Posted by on 23 September 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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