Okay, so you’ve seen the title of this scribble… and I’m wondering if a cold chill just ran down your spine or you’re squirming in your seat or even thinking that if you could avoid a hookup for sex (aka the booty call), that would be a good thing; maybe the title invokes the memory of your last hookup (if you had one in the last decade or so) and whether or not it was enjoyable or not.
There’s a perception about bisexuals that says – to be blunt – we’ll fuck anything that’s human, moving, and above ambient temperature. There’s some truth to this where bi guys are concerned because, duh, we have sex on the brain and the hunt for a like-minded guy becomes rather important. That perception says that we’re indiscriminate and, again, there’s some truth to this but you might be surprised at how many bi guys are not fans of casual sex; oh, it’s not as if they aren’t eager to get their freak on in this regard but, here lately, more guys seem to be holding out for at least a FWB deal or something a bit more than that. Guys are talking about dating other guys and they’re also talking about not giving up the booty or the dick on the first date; they’re also talking about passing up on guys who aren’t interested in more meaningful sex or if you’re all about the much-dreaded hookup, well, you can keep on moving.
It’s not wrong for someone to want what they want and in the way they want it… but something keeps sticking in my head about this, namely, something I read several months ago that said women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship; when you think about this, well, that makes some sense – at least I thought it did. If we can take this as a sort of truism, guys hooking up with other guys for sex serves two purposes: The first and most obvious one is sex but one never knows when a relationship might happen because of a hookup. What I see are guys who are passing up on the much-dreaded hookup so they can put getting into a relationship first and whatever sex becomes a secondary concern. Again, nothing wrong with this… except you’re dealing with men and, basically and generally speaking, we don’t operate like that. Oh, it’s not that some of us don’t want a relationship kind of thing with another guy but to be a bit crude, you gotta bring ass to get ass or, to be more polite – and to swipe something I heard said years ago (in reference to the Powerball lottery), “If you don’t play, you can’t win…”
Guys who aren’t fans of casual sex have a problem: If they don’t get out there and, um, interview guys – and that usually means having sex with them because, well, you know how we are about that, then they’ll never know if the next guy who comes along will be Mr. Right… or merely Mr. Right Now. Sure, guys put themselves out there, hitting the various sources that are available these days but the other problem they run into is that many of the men who may contact them can be more Mr. Right Now than Mr. Right and, duh, that’s because a lot of guys who are about M2M stuff aren’t in the least bit interested in getting involved in anything that remotely resembles a romantic situation. So more often than not, the guys looking for Mr. Right wind up being very frustrated and some kinda/sorta “give up” engaging in this, um, interview process because in their minds, sex without a connection other than lust doesn’t mean a whole lot.
When I hear guys talking about this and how they’d prefer to avoid the much-dreaded hookup, jeez, the things they say prompts me to remind them of something that, perhaps, they’re not paying much attention to, i.e., you’re dealing with other men and, going back to that thing I mentioned, we look for sex and find a relationship. One of the things that has made M2M so attractive is that a lot of the “mushy stuff” gets bypassed… or, let’s just cut to the chase, get naked, get our dicks hard, and handle this business… and whatever happens after that, well, we’ll deal with it then. Despite the perception, yeah, sure, most guys aren’t gonna just hit the sack with just anyone – there is some due diligence that must be taken care of even if for the sake of one’s safety. But the guys who have an aversion to the much-dreaded hookup take this to the next level by insisting that some kind of being into that doesn’t have shit to do with having sex be on the table first and foremost. It’s not that they won’t meet with a guy, you know, to eyeball him and see if he matches his online description but they also hold tightly to the rule that you just do not have sex with someone you’re meeting for the first time…even if the urge to have sex is practically eating you alive.
Guys who fall into this category will stick to their principles in this while wondering why it’s so hard for them to get the cock they want. It’s not as if they don’t know that the easiest way to get the cock they want is to “hook up” with a guy and have sex with him because they do know this… they just don’t wanna “cheapen” themselves and I’m gonna say this without any offense meant to anyone reading this but sometimes these guys act like women tend to behave in this and they act as if the guys they’re after are, themselves women. Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this… but I do find it very curious and more so when more and more guys are complaining that they’re not getting the dick they want because they can’t find Mr. Right.
Don’t get me wrong: Finding a Mr. Right does make quite a bit of sense but traditional dating habits aren’t always gonna work toward this goal… because your target audience is male and, once again, males who are more interested in sex than anything more binding than that… although, if the stars and planets do happen to line up the right way after some sex has jumped off, well, okay, this is something that can be worked on – and the key phrase here is “worked on.” Relationships of any kind do not tend to happen all by themselves even though we – and this means [generally] most people – are looking for that chemistry or click right off the bat and not considering that even attempting to establish a relationship of any kind takes some work… and, I guess it’s sad to say, when this is between guys, that just might include some sex as a prelude to anything more than some mutual nut-busting. Still, it seems to me that if you aren’t willing to get out there and interview for Mr. Right – and that includes some pipe cleaning – then you may find yourself sitting and waiting while having none of your needs in this taken care of.
That old saying about breaking eggs to make an omelet comes to mind at this point. I dunno… the angst toward casual sex is deeply ingrained in us and to the point where those folks who are not adverse to casual sex are looked at as if there’s something wrong with them; you know who I’m talking about – the women people call sluts and the guys who are tagged as being dogs and both are – and have historically been – looked at in some very unkind ways because, you also know, fornication – that’s sex without being married – is considered to be a sin in almost every culture on the planet. There’s a reason why the phrase “living in sin” exists after all.
It seems to me that if a guy is looking for some kind of “being into” relationship with another guy, it becomes a question of what he’s willing to do in order to make this happen, thus, if “Pete” isn’t willing to suck a few cocks to find the guy he can be with on a more, um, intimate basis, what does our hypothetical guy think isn’t going to happen? I’m reminded of a part of an old song that says, “You gotta use what you got to get what you want (or something like that – close enough for government work)” and as I recall, the song was about women stepping to the plate and doing whatever they gotta do in order to accomplish their goals. The bi guys who find themselves sitting and waiting for Mr. Right tend to find themselves on the outside looking in because they “refuse” to use what they have to get what they want. They say that casual sex is meaningless and empty and that’s because it’s what we’ve been made to believe in… but what does this really mean? Are they saying that sex, in and of itself, has zero meaning without a relationship being a part of the deal and if so, how the hell is that possible when we also know that having sex tends to feel pretty damned good… and feeling good does, in fact, mean something?
Over and over, I’m not ever gonna say that waiting for Mr. Right to come along is a bad thing; I’m just gonna say that if a guy has that very serious itch that can only be scratched by a hard cock, sitting and waiting isn’t going to scratch that itch; in fact, the itch just gets worse the longer it goes unattended. What puzzles me is that it’s not like the guys looking for a relationship kind of thing doesn’t know this – it’s why they don’t adjust their game plan so that, at the very least, their itch gets some attention or, like I said to a guy on the bi guy forum, if at the very least you get laid, well, isn’t that a good thing and better than not getting laid at all?
Finally, there’s the person you want to be with… and then there’s the person you can be with and in whatever form or context that might be. It seems to me that if one doesn’t check out the person they can be with, how do they expect to find – or even cultivate – the person they want to be with? When you hear a lot of guys talking about they haven’t gotten any dick yet (or in a long time) because they’re waiting for the right guy to come along, you get the impression that this right guy is just gonna magically appear out of the blue when, I dunno, maybe it’s common sense that says that you gotta do some work not only to find him but to also lay down the groundwork toward establishing the desired relationship status… and that, sorry to say, might also include the much-dreaded hookup.
Sigh… all of this reminds me that if you believe women are funny about this, guys are even funnier and I don’t mean in a humorous way. I don’t judge anyone where this is concerned but I’m the guy who’ll ask the questions that, perhaps, no one else will ask. They say that good things come to those who wait; they also say he who hesitates is lost, if you snooze, you lose, and those who refuse to change will be left behind; it’s said that it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all. And, oh, yeah, if you keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep you off your feet, you’re not gonna get any dick. Period. What you will get, however, is a lot of emotional turmoil that’s not good for one’s blood pressure and/or mental state.