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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Sexuality and Casual Sex

08 Dec

Does the phrase “casual sex” set your soul on fire… or does it scare the piss out of you?  Many of us, regardless to sexuality, hold firm to the notion that the only permissible sex is relationship sex even though we are also very much aware that casual sex exists and does happen.

A lot.

Bisexuals get to wear the promiscuous tag (gee, I just love that word for some reason) because it’s assumed that all we do is fuck everything with a pulse… but the people who’d gladly put this at our feet, as usual, neglect to point out that promiscuity is a human trait and one we all can get caught up in.  Now, I’m not gonna speak for other bisexuals on this one but I’ve had a lot of casual and relationship sex so I’d never say that I had a problem with the former.

But some folks do and it’s just my opinion that we are so driven toward the relationship model that getting our heads out of it in order to experience more of the joys of sex can be troubling; the body is screaming for sexual release but the mind (a) acknowledges the need and (b) can prevent us from answering this particular call of nature.

And, yes, even bisexuals can be caught up in this.  Early in our development, we are severely cautioned against having casual sex and steered toward relationship sex, you know, save it for when you’re older, more responsible, and in love with someone and, preferably, married.  Once we become aware of our sexuality, it can be damned confusing and a bitch to deal with our “opposite sex conditioning” and our “same sex attraction” all at the same time; again, the body tells us what’s needed and the mind wants to get it… and still leave us high and dry.

Hormones can override the conditioning in some; the need to check this shit out is just too great to ignore and sex will jump off, relationship or otherwise, straight or gay depending on one’s orientation… and all the while, there’s this little voice in our heads telling us that we shouldn’t be doing this now or that “Kenny” shouldn’t be having fun screwing around with “Eddie” but, yeah, doing it is really the right thing to do.

But we’re still driven toward relationship sex because it’s the right and proper way to do things and while the allure of NSA sex – no strings attached – is so delicious, eh, some of us just can’t adopt the mindset that’s necessary to partake of this “illicit” sex, like, understanding that it’s just sex, that while relationship sex is so rewarding and all that, yeah, just doing it because you need to do this can be quite the rush.

What’s that you say?  Sex has to have some meaning other than mere lust?  That sex for the sake of sex is cheap?  That it’s unthinkable and even “impossible” if you’re not into them or they into you?  And you really believe this, don’t you?  Of course you do – it’s what we’ve all been taught to believe, that there’s a purpose to sex and that any sex minus that purpose is wrong, slutty, whorish, so on and so forth.

We get so inured with relationship sex that even when we can partially get our heads around the NSA version, we avoid it because we’re leery about strings being attached when the situation doesn’t call for any.  It’s understandable but if sex is what you need, then one must simply be able to attend to this need in an “it’s just sex” frame of mind.

It’s like I tell a lot of bi guys:  You don’t have to be “into” a guy to have sex with him; you don’t even have to be friends with them – you just have to like them (read this as a trust issue) enough to get your rocks off with them.  Sounds simple… but it really isn’t – that conditioning I mentioned is at the core of who we are and it’s not easy to overcome it so that you can take care of that physical need… but it can be overcome.

Our morality about sex is insidious and if ya think this sounds bad, it’s because it is.  It’s an inhibitor, a mindset that’s designed to focus our sexual desires in a single direction: The heterosexual, monogamous sex that is conducive to reproduction; thus, any sex that does not serve these specific purposes is deemed to be, well, uncool.

And sexuality, such as it is, doesn’t play much of a role in this.  Bisexuals do engage in NSA sex… but so do straight folks, gay folks, transgender folks, etc..  So I’ll ask you again:  When you think of casual/NSA sex, does it get your juices flowing… or does it scare the living daylights out of you?

Oh, and have you ever really asked yourself exactly why it might be a scary proposition for you?  The answer might surprise you…

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 8 December 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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8 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Sexuality and Casual Sex

  1. rougedmount

    20 December 2015 at 07:08

    beyond scary…

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      20 December 2015 at 11:55

      What is beyond scary, my dearest Rouged?

      Like

       
      • rougedmount

        20 December 2015 at 20:18

        “When you think of casual/NSA sex, does it get your juices flowing… or does it scare the living daylights out of you?” To me, the reality of it is beyond scary..I am not wired that way. Or I am and the idea of it is thrilling..but the reality is simply impossible for me. It requires me giving up far more control than I can.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        20 December 2015 at 20:26

        Interesting… yet you do what you need done? If you decide to go get you some, that’s not giving up control – that’s taking control so that you can give up your body as required by your needs.

        Of all the female bloggers I follow, you’re the most fearless of them, willing to take charge of a situation but also able to allow yourself to be taken in the most delicious ways.

        So what is it that really scares you? For a lot of women, how you handle your business is pretty damned scary…

        Liked by 1 person

         
      • rougedmount

        20 December 2015 at 20:43

        i think nsa in my head equates with careless…and that is not what i am…when i give, i give entirely..when i take i take completely..i don’t do half measures and casual sex is like a half measure…its simply fucking. far too easy. sex for me involves climbing inside of a mans mind so i can control his body as i want and need. there has only ever been one who could ever do the same for me. i am far too much in control to give it up even partially, unless absolutely forced to.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        20 December 2015 at 21:20

        NSA = careless? Nah, but I understand how it can be seen as such; the only safe sex is relationship sex (and that isn’t always the truth, is it?) As for it being a half-measure, the sex is only going to be as good as you make it so if you (not specifically you) half-ass it, of course it’s not gonna be all that.

        “Simply fucking?” Fucking is never simple; some women prefer casual sex to relationship sex because of the simplicity of it, i.e., not having to live up to a partner’s fickle moods and cockeyed standards; the difference between being able to let go of all your inhibitions instead of hiding them with a partner who can’t appreciate your sexual diversity or, gasp, meet your highly fueled needs.

        But none of it is just simply fucking, not if you really understand what this means. Yes, it’s “just sex” but that doesn’t mean that it’s meaningless sex – if you’re fucking, there’s a purpose that does have meaning because you’re gonna fuck the way you want to fuck and not “simply” lie there and let a man fuck you like you’re a inflatable sex doll… unless that’s what gets your pussy wet or this is your intention going in.

        You assume that you couldn’t immerse yourself as you like in a casual sex situation… and I respectfully submit that you’d be wrong – you can if you want to, if you’re not inhibited by the bullshit around casual sex and, like so many people, think it serves no purpose or has zero meaning, or believe it’s a loss of control and a lot of other misconceptions people would rather believe than the truth of it: You can fuck someone anyway you want to and the only reason you need is that you wanna fuck someone and the meaning is clear – that shit just feels good because it’s supposed to feel good.

        Liked by 1 person

         
      • rougedmount

        20 December 2015 at 21:47

        yes daddy..but for me..sex gets better over time..more intense..i would rather wait for spectacular than settle for adequate. unfortunately, most men are simply that. their sexual ego far exceeds their abilities.

        Like

         
      • kdaddy23

        20 December 2015 at 22:15

        What, you think that NSA sex is a one-time thing? No, my dear, it doesn’t have to be. Now, if a dude is adequate, eh, maybe you break him off some more if he’s trainable… but if he knocks your body and soul into the next country, why not keep going and with the only “string” attached being more good, pure, unadulterated, uninhibited, and casual sex?

        Again, most people think that it’s just one and done so it’s not worth their effort; they assume substandard sex due to a lack of investment… and, well, do I really need to say it? The only investment needed is investing in your own sexual satisfaction and if you put limits on that, that’s your fault, isn’t it?

        We tend to invest in the person first and sex second – but don’t we know – haven’t we all learned – that such an investment order isn’t a guarantee of damned good sex? We blindly put the responsibility for our satisfaction into someone else’s hands and that person isn’t always going to be competent enough to handle such a big responsibility – we learn this the hard way, too; you’re living this nightmare.

        Oh, and “casual sex” is PC-speak to cover up the more sinful act of fornication – having unmarried sex – but you knew that, right?

        Like

         

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