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TMI Tuesday – Sex: Then and Now

I’ve decided to tackle this Tuesday’s offering!

1. Do you think sex is less important after age 50? Why or why not?

I think sex is just as important after age 50 as it is when you first started having sex.  It’s part of the human condition and while we often try to downplay its importance to our physical and mental health, yeah, sex is still important.  If you’re hooked up with someone (married or otherwise) it tells them that you still love them, that your desire for them is unwavering and unflagging and, seriously, that you’re gonna continue to be intimate with them no matter what being over 50 brings to the table… because that’s the way it’s supposed to be until you can’t do it (read this as you’re no longer breathing).

2. Were you ever squeamish about sex? At what age (or age range)?

Oh, hell, no!  I think that because I started having sex at a very young age, any squeamishness got shoved aside by my rather exuberant desire to do more of that thing I wasn’t supposed to be doing.

3. When did you quit being squeamish and start to relax and enjoy sex?

As with #2, since I lacked hesitancy when it came to sex, I was able to relax and enjoy sex early on.  Sex is fun and my young mind figured out early on that if you weren’t going to have fun doing it, why bother to do it?

4. What is sex worth to you?

I’m not sure what this question is asking.  There are some things I won’t do for the sake of sex and, really, if sex has a “price” or something else that equates to worth, then perhaps there’s something wrong with the way one thinks about sex.  It is said that we all pay for sex in some way or another and I guess there’s still a lot of truth to this.  I’ve heard and have even known people who have said or demonstrated that they will do anything for sex, that’s there’s no limit to how aggressively they’d pursue sex and, yes, I’ve known people to go through a bunch of changes just for the chance to have sex, from altering their personality to totally debasing themselves; people have taken lives for the sake of sex.  For me, sex is a “valuable” and necessary thing but for me to ascribe some sense of worth doesn’t make much sense since I know that there are times when sex isn’t worth the price you might have to pay in that moment or later on.

5. What do you seek in exchange for sex?

From a man’s point of view, this is a really weird question and more so since it’s been my experience that we, as men, have to be able to offer women something in exchange for sex and, as such, it tends to put us (and me) in the position where it’s not about what we want in exchange for sex – it’s what we’re willing to do for sex and, just like #4, the butcher’s bill can be quite high because what we might have to do to get sex isn’t what I’d call consistent and that’s because of something else we all learn in this:  Women are really funny about sex and to the point where we are expected, required, and demanded to do stuff to get sex (and we might not get it even if we did it) and we find ourselves in the position of having to beg or otherwise barter to get in between those legs.  It sucks that we go about sex like this, that we have put a price – literally and figuratively – on sex and a price that, sometimes, cannot be met or equalled.

6. Is your sex life better or worse now vs. five years ago? Why?

A little of both because even when you’re over 50, life can still pretty much fuck up your sex life, from health issues to just being too busy trying to keep the wolves away from your door – you still have to find the time and have the motivation to have sex and more so when a lot of things are ‘conspiring’ against you and your partner to keep you from having it.

7. Would you answer your mobile phone (a call or text) if it rang/dinged while you were having sex?

Well, since my mobile phone stays in another room that has the door closed (because we have a nosy cat), if it rang, I’d never hear it and, besides, I wouldn’t answer it.  Now, having said that, there was a time when I had to – my job required almost constant access to me so I was never really “off duty” – but now?  I’m retired and of the mind that if it was really that important, they’ll call back later, leave me a message, or correctly guess that I’m getting laid so since the bed is rockin’, don’t come knockin’…

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish your love interest understood about you?

That my love and desire for her has few boundaries…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 10 November 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Let the Music Play – TMI Tuesday – March 25, 2014

I thought that I’d tackle this particular one but as I looked at the questions, I kinda frowned to myself because as a musician, I almost constantly hear music in my head, either songs that already exist or music that only exists in my mind and while pondering all the questions – including the bonus questions – I thought, “Damn, there’s no telling what song is going through my head during these times!”

Like a lot of people, I’ll get a song stuck in my head – they call it an earwig – and sometimes I not only have an earwig but the musician in me will even start rearranging the song and regardless of what I happen to be doing.  But there seems to be an exception or two, namely question #2 and the first bonus question.

When I’m getting kicked in the ass during my sexual release, I’m not aware of any music going on in my head; it’s not quiet in that sense but, um, during climax, I’m not in any shape to be thinking about anything.  It’s such an intense feeling that whatever may be in my head at that moment turns into white noise – that’s the only way I can put it into words.  I will say that before that moment, um, I could be listening to anything in my head, from Bach to something current or my mind could have constructed something just for the pre-release moments; other than being sound asleep, this is probably one of the two moments when I don’t hear the music.

Here’s the other one:  Being angry.  Anger does such a great job of providing focus, doesn’t it?  I’d get mad with my kids and learned to not let my anger with them run the show – the same with any arguments I might have with my baby even though we very rarely argue with each other.  Being angry calls for trying to be calm about being in such a state; you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing in these moments so your thoughts should be clear so you can speak to whatever it was that got you pissed off.  Unlike busting a nut, I don’t hear white noise – it’s like I’ve taken my internal remote control and hit the mute button so that all I hear are my thoughts about being angry and the thoughts required to work through and resolve the issue.

Even as I write this, I have the title song to the movie, “Now You See Me” running through my head; if you haven’t heard it, I think it’s a great piece of music and I’ll even admit that I’ve been listening to it a lot to absorb all the nuances the piece has in it – but, as a musician, that’s something I normally do when I listen to music anyway.  I know that sometimes the music in my head might reflect the mood I’m in… but I really couldn’t tell you what I might be listening to, like, hearing sad or soulful music when I’m feeling down; I mean, I could be hearing something like that… and maybe not – there’s no telling what the jukebox in my head might have cued up at any given time or in any moment.

I just hear music…

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 25 March 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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TMI Tuesday – I Can’t Get No Satisfaction (11-19-13)

My second foray into the TMI Tuesday craze!

1. From erotica to sex blogs everyone seems to be having intense orgasms. Do you feel like you are experiencing the same intense orgasmic waves everyone talks about?

When I learned that orgasm and ejaculation weren’t really the same thing, I also learned how to enjoy those heady sensations that would often have me looking to see if I had actually cut loose.  But then, a whole lot of years later, I had a stroke and it left me with some damage and other symptoms but the really interesting thing was that having an orgasm and ejaculating got ramped up ten-fold, becoming so intense that they actually kinda scared me!  At first I thought it was just ‘one of those things’ – a temporary situation since my brain was still in the early processes of rewiring itself… but, oh, hell, no:  It’s not temporary and while they no longer scare me, it has brought a new meaning to the phrase “mind-shattering orgasm!”

2. At the beginning of our sexual lives, we are often let down because it feels like nothing in comparison to what we see in films and magazines. Sexual pleasure is something you learn more about as you get older. How have you learned to cultivate the pleasure that you feel?

Films and magazines are, more often than not, highly exaggerated so I’ve never seen such things and thought, “Yeah, that’s the way I want to feel!”  Yep, you learn about sexual pleasure with every sexual experience and I wouldn’t say that I’ve cultivated the pleasure as much as I figured out that if I expect to feel a certain way, more often than not, I’m going to be disappointed so I simply learned to bask in whatever feelings were taking place and understanding that I can feel great pleasure even when I’m doing something to someone else – it’s not just about what someone does to you.

3. In the last 3 years, has your sexual pleasure:
a. waned
b. stayed the same
c. increased, enhanced, improved

I’d have to say C because I’m always looking for ways to squeeze more pleasure out of myself or to absorb more pleasure – if you’re not gonna try to get and give as much pleasure as you can, why bother?

4. If you are feeling much more sexual pleasure than your lover do you feel the need to make up the deficit or just live in the moment and enjoy what has been given to you?

Nah, I’ve found that this puts a lot of pressure on both people to perform up to an expected standard.  It’s really a big “duh” because I don’t feel things the way my lover feels them (although we do talk about this).  We both understand that it’s about pleasing and being pleased and that there are, ah, environmental issues that can affect the pleasure we feel so it’s about doing the best that we can for each other and not putting a great deal of emphasis on who’s getting more pleasure or who’s being left in the dust.  If we were to look at it like this, we’d wind up putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on each other which would ultimately get in the way of enjoying whatever it is we’re doing.

5. How important is it to you for you and your lover to have simultaneous orgasms?
a. not important – never thought about it
b. somewhat important – I think it would be nice to explode at the same time
c. important – that is what I ‘work’ for, cumming at the same time makes everything more intense–my orgasm, my feelings, the entire experience.

Ah, the mythical simultaneous orgasm!  I know that it can happen, just like I know that when we both orgasm at the same time, yeah, it’s a damned good feeling… but, realistically, it doesn’t always happen and since we both know this, it’s not an expectation.  At least for us – and from my point of view – it’s kinda like “all of the above” and then again not really because having an orgasm isn’t always the reason for making love – it’s all about the intimacy that can lead to orgasm and other releases.

Bonus: Do you think that having an orgasm is the same as sexual pleasure? Why or why not?

I’ve learned that an orgasm is a part of the pleasure, not the same as.  Sure, for many of us, the ‘goal’ or purpose to having sex is to have orgasm after orgasm piled up onto us until sensory overload kicks in and we wake up and ask our partner, “What the fuck just happened?”  Maybe it’s just me but sexual pleasure starts with having the desire to have sex with your partner and includes everything that can occur from beginning to end and up to and including orgasm.  There is the fact that you can enjoy intense sexual pleasure without having an orgasm so, at least in my mind, this is more ‘proof’ that an orgasm isn’t the same as sexual pleasure.

I do believe, however, that a lot of us equate having that mind-blowing orgasm as the defining moment of sexual pleasure; we have had it instilled in us by various means that without orgasms, the goal of being sexually pleased has not been reached.  I know that there are a lot of men who don’t believe that they can orgasm without ejaculation – even I used to think that this was one in the same until, as I mentioned, I learned otherwise.  For those women who don’t experience orgasm at all, well, I don’t know if they’d say that pleasure has been fulfilled because we hear all too often of their frustration with sex because of whatever’s inhibiting their ability to orgasm – no orgasm, no pleasure.

In this, it’s my belief that we need to redefine for ourselves the meaning of sexual pleasure and I think it begins with taking a big step back and looking at our sex lives and taking what I’d call a minimalist approach:  Don’t always expect the big bang but pay more attention to the little things that can, hopefully, lead up to that moment where you wind up being a quivering mass of flesh and, yeah, by any means necessary.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 18 November 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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TMI Tuesday (11/12/13)

This is my first writing for TMI Tuesday – so here it is!

People don’t stick to the straight and narrow. Have you seen them stray?

1. Did any teachers in your high school have sex with a student? Did any students act out on a teacher crush?

Not that I was ever aware of.  There were plenty of hot teachers in my high school that lots of us had crushes on but I never heard of anything happening like this.

2. Did any professors at your college (or other post-high school) have sex or other inappropriate relationship, with a student?

Same as #1 – if there was some illicit stuff going on, I never heard anything about it.

3. Have any of your co-workers had an affair with another co-worker?

Hell yeah!  Even though that kind of fraternization was frowned upon at work, there were quite a few office relationships that I knew about and, yeah, I had a couple of them myself.

4. Have you seen hanky-panky between members of a church or club that you belong to?

Definitely.  The rumor is some of the people most likely to engage in some serious hanky-panky are churchgoers and there was a lot of that going on in the church I belonged to – churches are like miniature Payton Places!  Everyone knows what everyone else is doing – and who they might be doing and while the gossip would fly through the congregation at warp speed, to categorically deny anything funny was going on was the thing to do or what happens in church stays in church!

5. Have you ever had a friend keep you up-to-date on his/her marital infidelities?

Quite a few times – and this is all I’m going to say about this.

Bonus: Have you caught someone you knew out with a person who was not his/her regular partner?

Also quite a few times!  It’s something that you notice but try not to make any assumptions – but that depended on where you saw them and what they may have been doing at the time.  I know I’d think that seeing them without their partner could be innocent… but it also couldn’t be… and it wasn’t any of my business if it wasn’t.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on 12 November 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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