TMI Tuesday: Coupling

Again, I don’t usually participate but decided to chime in on this one! So, now, the questions and answers!

1. You unexpectedly had sex with your friend’s partner. You feel guilty. Your friend’s partner keeps texting you begging you not to say anything about the two of you having sex. Would you tell your friend or keep mum?

Oh, this is a good one! The thing about this is that I wouldn’t feel guilty at all even though I am very aware of the Friend Code while being a staunch believer in consenting adults being able to consent. Okay, would I tell my friend that I bonked his lady and she’s begging me not to say anything? Tough one because The Code requires me to tell him but I also have an… obligation to not say anything and as she’s asking me. What makes me “sleep better” about this situation is that if he asked me if bonked her – and I would know that the only reason why he’s asking is because he’s pretty sure I did, I wouldn’t lie to him. Why didn’t I tell him right after it happened? Because she asked me not to.

Yeah, this is pretty messy, huh? I would rather he take his anger out on me (and good luck with that one) than to take it out on her and no matter which one of us “set the stage” for this happening. Things like this aren’t supposed to happen but I know the reality: They do happen and saying no, sometimes, really isn’t “an option” in that sense. Yeah, we all know what The Code says but I learned to understand and believe that reality can trump The Code. Sometimes, shit happens when it’s “not supposed” to happen.

I’ve always believed in accepting the consequences of your actions and in this situation, I would accept them. Some fucked up shit but also some real-life shit.

2. How often would you like to spend time away from your significant other?
a. once a week
b. once a month
c. never, we like to be together all the time

Well, technically, I spend time away from her every day so I can watch the TV shows I like to watch and to play on my Xbox. We enjoy each other’s company but we don’t require being stuck under each other all of the time, either.

3. Do you think couples should argue regularly for a happy relationship or marriage?

Argue? No. Having civil conversations about stuff? Yup. Still, it’s been said that having an argument with your partner is good for the relationship and because things that need to be said gets said even though things can get heated and ugly and, hopefully, doesn’t get violent. The rule is… never go to bed angry with each other. If you have to argue, try to be civil because once you say something, there’s no taking it back.

4. What causes you to feel insecure in a relationship?

I’m too damned old to be feeling insecure and I learned some lessons about this early on in my life and made it my mission to not be insecure and especially over anything I can’t do anything about. Insecurity can wreck a relationship; it can cause toxicity in a relationship and where’s the fun in that?

Bonus: If you were asked, “Why do you keep meeting the wrong people on dating apps?” what would you respond?

Well, hmm, that would depend on who thought I was meeting the wrong people and their definition of “wrong.” Dating apps are a clusterfuck of a minefield and to the point where finding genuine people who meet your requirements is pretty difficult but not impossible. Dating has always been on a trial-and-error basis and, as such, some people aren’t “the right one” and the one fallacy in dating is that someone might start out being absolutely wonderful and we expect them to keep being that way and, I think, we fail to consider that people do change, and that wonderful person can turn out to be the wrong person.

“Wrong” is pretty subjective. Your idea of the wrong person might not be my idea of the wrong person. Now, do some people just… suck at this? Yep. If it wasn’t for bad luck, they wouldn’t have any luck at all. If dating was easy, everyone could do it and be happy and never have to date anyone else again for the rest of their life, right? For myself, you aren’t the wrong person until you prove yourself to be.

 

TMI Tuesday: Answering the Questions

Again, I don’t always participate but I like this one a lot so I’m participating once again!

1. Shower or bath?

Shower. I grew up always having to sit in the bathtub and I can remember my excitement to live in a place that had a shower. I really didn’t like sitting in a tub and washing and scrubbing and, yuck, having all that dirt clinging to the side of the tub and getting back on me as I got out of the tub.

2. Are you a good cook? And if so, what’s your specialty?

My father once told me, “Boy, don’t ever depend on a woman to cook for you! You’d better learn how to cook!” A piece of advice I took to heart so I went to school to learn how to cook and spent time in restaurants… cooking. My specialty? I have a few, actually. I’m good at making soups and gravies; I can cook eggs the way they’re supposed to be cooked and any style. Steaks and pork chops are my favorite things to cook because it takes some skill to cook them and not overcook them and, yeah, I get pretty pissy when I screw up anything I’m cooking.

3. Is there anything you regret not doing?

Not as of yet. If there’s something I haven’t done, it’s probably because I didn’t want to do it so I don’t see the sense in having regrets over something I didn’t want to do.

4. Who was the nicest person you worked for?

That’s a tough one. In my career in IT, I met quite a few nice people and it was a joy to work for them but there was this one man who was “tough” but in a nice way and he was just so cool even though he’d often admit that he lacked coolness. He was easy-going and, man, he had stories that would often have me in the floor laughing over… or taking serious note of because he would be telling me something that would help me as a person and as far as my career went. He wasn’t all that much of a stickler for the rules and agreed with my assessment that sometimes, you gotta be… unorthodox and innovative in resolving some issues but to also be upstanding and humble enough not to look at a “by the book” person and say, “I told you my way would work…” I loved that man…

5. Do you play an instrument?

I play several instruments and started at the ripe old age of seven. I am classically trained with some of them and that allowed me to be to able to play other instruments. I, of course, can read music and can write it. My favorite instrument is… a keyboard. I remember being utterly fascinated by a huge church organ and how the organist just made it sound and it looked so easy and effortless. I remember her sitting me at the organ and I could only reach the first of three keyboards… and forget about reaching the pedals or many of the voice tabs. I was determined to learn how to play this monster but first I had to learn how to play piano. I remember the first time I sat down at a Hammond B3 organ… and I knew how to make it do whatever I wanted to. I own a Korg workstation, taught myself the complexities of MIDI (and before it was easy to do) and, wow, the music I can make with it is just heavenly. I love to play drums and even learned the rudiments involved. The coordination it takes to get behind a drum kit and do more than just make noise is… daunting and challenging and even more so than playing a four-manual organ (and that’s a bitch all by itself) and, yep, I can do that, too.

Yep, that’s me…

What you don’t see in this pic is the keyboard setup that’s to the left of me…

Bonus: Do you dream?

Yeah, I sure do and I dream in color. I don’t always remember my dreams and there are times when I couldn’t tell you that I dreamed at all but, yeah, I dream…

 

Playing TMI Tuesday: It’s Personal

I don’t always play the game but from time to time, I do so here we go!

1. Describe your phone lock screen.

2. What does your favorite coffee mug or tea cup look like? Post a pic.

3. Tell us about a regional food favorite of yours that you think the world simply must try.

4. How often do you journal?

5. How often do you blog?

Bonus: Does your blog act as your journal?

1. My phone lock screen is the built-in bubbles that came with my iPhone and I chose the red ones for my phone (my iPad has the blue ones because, well, blue is my favorite color). Bubbles are fascinating and the nerd that lives in my head knows about surface tension and, well, that’s some cool stuff.
2. My favorite vessel to consume caffeine is a 16oz travel mug – I didn’t feel like getting up to get my phone to take a picture of it so sue me. It’s from Wawa – think of 7Eleven but better in some ways – and it’s brown with a black lid, handle, and non-slip bottom. The story behind this particular travel mug is that when I was moving, oh, six or seven years ago now, we’d gotten started very early and was in need of more coffee – and the travel mugs we already had were packed and buried in a box somewhere so when I stopped to fuel the truck at a Wawa, I went inside and got two of their mugs and filled them with coffee and fixings… and I’ve been using it every day since.
3. A regional food favorite is one that is rarely heard of outside of the area I live in: Scrapple. Scrapple is one of those things that’s like hot dogs: You don’t wanna know what’s in it but it sure tastes good. In the area, there are a lot of companies that make scrapple and I’ve tried them all – no two recipes are really the same – but my favorite is the Rapa brand and more so when their scrapple comes in – wait for it – bacon flavor! Cooking it is easy; slice it to your desired thickness – and some people slice it the long way and some the short way; some people coat it in flour before frying, some don’t (I don’t); some start off with a cold pan, some get the pan hot on medium heat; some use a bit of oil to fry it up and some don’t – I rarely use oil to hook up my scrapple. Brown it on one side – and you’ll know if it’s ready to turn because if you nudge it with a spatula and it doesn’t move, it’s not ready to turn and if you try to turn it, it’s going to break up. Once it’s ready to turn, flip it over – the same thing will happen so be patient – then remove and drain on paper towels because scrapple makes its own grease. From there, some people eat it plain; some put ketchup on it and even maple syrup and goes great with eggs, grits, and even pancakes.
4. I don’t really journal although when I was much younger, I used to have a diary that I’d write in every day until I left for the service – I couldn’t bring it with me and I didn’t have the time to start a new one.
5. I blog just about every day although there are times when I might go a few days without blogging because I can’t think of anything to blog about – writer’s block can be so annoying!
6. Bonus question: Sometimes my blog does act as my journal, depending on what I happen to be writing about but, eh, not so much. I feel that few people would be interested in reading about what I go through each and every day and more so when it can be pretty boring – I almost do the same things every day and without much deviation save for doctor appointments, going shopping, etc..

There you have it!

 

TMI Tuesday – Sex: Then and Now

I’ve decided to tackle this Tuesday’s offering!

1. Do you think sex is less important after age 50? Why or why not?

I think sex is just as important after age 50 as it is when you first started having sex.  It’s part of the human condition and while we often try to downplay its importance to our physical and mental health, yeah, sex is still important.  If you’re hooked up with someone (married or otherwise) it tells them that you still love them, that your desire for them is unwavering and unflagging and, seriously, that you’re gonna continue to be intimate with them no matter what being over 50 brings to the table… because that’s the way it’s supposed to be until you can’t do it (read this as you’re no longer breathing).

2. Were you ever squeamish about sex? At what age (or age range)?

Oh, hell, no!  I think that because I started having sex at a very young age, any squeamishness got shoved aside by my rather exuberant desire to do more of that thing I wasn’t supposed to be doing.

3. When did you quit being squeamish and start to relax and enjoy sex?

As with #2, since I lacked hesitancy when it came to sex, I was able to relax and enjoy sex early on.  Sex is fun and my young mind figured out early on that if you weren’t going to have fun doing it, why bother to do it?

4. What is sex worth to you?

I’m not sure what this question is asking.  There are some things I won’t do for the sake of sex and, really, if sex has a “price” or something else that equates to worth, then perhaps there’s something wrong with the way one thinks about sex.  It is said that we all pay for sex in some way or another and I guess there’s still a lot of truth to this.  I’ve heard and have even known people who have said or demonstrated that they will do anything for sex, that’s there’s no limit to how aggressively they’d pursue sex and, yes, I’ve known people to go through a bunch of changes just for the chance to have sex, from altering their personality to totally debasing themselves; people have taken lives for the sake of sex.  For me, sex is a “valuable” and necessary thing but for me to ascribe some sense of worth doesn’t make much sense since I know that there are times when sex isn’t worth the price you might have to pay in that moment or later on.

5. What do you seek in exchange for sex?

From a man’s point of view, this is a really weird question and more so since it’s been my experience that we, as men, have to be able to offer women something in exchange for sex and, as such, it tends to put us (and me) in the position where it’s not about what we want in exchange for sex – it’s what we’re willing to do for sex and, just like #4, the butcher’s bill can be quite high because what we might have to do to get sex isn’t what I’d call consistent and that’s because of something else we all learn in this:  Women are really funny about sex and to the point where we are expected, required, and demanded to do stuff to get sex (and we might not get it even if we did it) and we find ourselves in the position of having to beg or otherwise barter to get in between those legs.  It sucks that we go about sex like this, that we have put a price – literally and figuratively – on sex and a price that, sometimes, cannot be met or equalled.

6. Is your sex life better or worse now vs. five years ago? Why?

A little of both because even when you’re over 50, life can still pretty much fuck up your sex life, from health issues to just being too busy trying to keep the wolves away from your door – you still have to find the time and have the motivation to have sex and more so when a lot of things are ‘conspiring’ against you and your partner to keep you from having it.

7. Would you answer your mobile phone (a call or text) if it rang/dinged while you were having sex?

Well, since my mobile phone stays in another room that has the door closed (because we have a nosy cat), if it rang, I’d never hear it and, besides, I wouldn’t answer it.  Now, having said that, there was a time when I had to – my job required almost constant access to me so I was never really “off duty” – but now?  I’m retired and of the mind that if it was really that important, they’ll call back later, leave me a message, or correctly guess that I’m getting laid so since the bed is rockin’, don’t come knockin’…

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish your love interest understood about you?

That my love and desire for her has few boundaries…

 

Let the Music Play – TMI Tuesday – March 25, 2014

I thought that I’d tackle this particular one but as I looked at the questions, I kinda frowned to myself because as a musician, I almost constantly hear music in my head, either songs that already exist or music that only exists in my mind and while pondering all the questions – including the bonus questions – I thought, “Damn, there’s no telling what song is going through my head during these times!”

Like a lot of people, I’ll get a song stuck in my head – they call it an earwig – and sometimes I not only have an earwig but the musician in me will even start rearranging the song and regardless of what I happen to be doing.  But there seems to be an exception or two, namely question #2 and the first bonus question.

When I’m getting kicked in the ass during my sexual release, I’m not aware of any music going on in my head; it’s not quiet in that sense but, um, during climax, I’m not in any shape to be thinking about anything.  It’s such an intense feeling that whatever may be in my head at that moment turns into white noise – that’s the only way I can put it into words.  I will say that before that moment, um, I could be listening to anything in my head, from Bach to something current or my mind could have constructed something just for the pre-release moments; other than being sound asleep, this is probably one of the two moments when I don’t hear the music.

Here’s the other one:  Being angry.  Anger does such a great job of providing focus, doesn’t it?  I’d get mad with my kids and learned to not let my anger with them run the show – the same with any arguments I might have with my baby even though we very rarely argue with each other.  Being angry calls for trying to be calm about being in such a state; you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing in these moments so your thoughts should be clear so you can speak to whatever it was that got you pissed off.  Unlike busting a nut, I don’t hear white noise – it’s like I’ve taken my internal remote control and hit the mute button so that all I hear are my thoughts about being angry and the thoughts required to work through and resolve the issue.

Even as I write this, I have the title song to the movie, “Now You See Me” running through my head; if you haven’t heard it, I think it’s a great piece of music and I’ll even admit that I’ve been listening to it a lot to absorb all the nuances the piece has in it – but, as a musician, that’s something I normally do when I listen to music anyway.  I know that sometimes the music in my head might reflect the mood I’m in… but I really couldn’t tell you what I might be listening to, like, hearing sad or soulful music when I’m feeling down; I mean, I could be hearing something like that… and maybe not – there’s no telling what the jukebox in my head might have cued up at any given time or in any moment.

I just hear music…

 

TMI Tuesday – I Can’t Get No Satisfaction (11-19-13)

My second foray into the TMI Tuesday craze!

1. From erotica to sex blogs everyone seems to be having intense orgasms. Do you feel like you are experiencing the same intense orgasmic waves everyone talks about?

When I learned that orgasm and ejaculation weren’t really the same thing, I also learned how to enjoy those heady sensations that would often have me looking to see if I had actually cut loose.  But then, a whole lot of years later, I had a stroke and it left me with some damage and other symptoms but the really interesting thing was that having an orgasm and ejaculating got ramped up ten-fold, becoming so intense that they actually kinda scared me!  At first I thought it was just ‘one of those things’ – a temporary situation since my brain was still in the early processes of rewiring itself… but, oh, hell, no:  It’s not temporary and while they no longer scare me, it has brought a new meaning to the phrase “mind-shattering orgasm!”

2. At the beginning of our sexual lives, we are often let down because it feels like nothing in comparison to what we see in films and magazines. Sexual pleasure is something you learn more about as you get older. How have you learned to cultivate the pleasure that you feel?

Films and magazines are, more often than not, highly exaggerated so I’ve never seen such things and thought, “Yeah, that’s the way I want to feel!”  Yep, you learn about sexual pleasure with every sexual experience and I wouldn’t say that I’ve cultivated the pleasure as much as I figured out that if I expect to feel a certain way, more often than not, I’m going to be disappointed so I simply learned to bask in whatever feelings were taking place and understanding that I can feel great pleasure even when I’m doing something to someone else – it’s not just about what someone does to you.

3. In the last 3 years, has your sexual pleasure:
a. waned
b. stayed the same
c. increased, enhanced, improved

I’d have to say C because I’m always looking for ways to squeeze more pleasure out of myself or to absorb more pleasure – if you’re not gonna try to get and give as much pleasure as you can, why bother?

4. If you are feeling much more sexual pleasure than your lover do you feel the need to make up the deficit or just live in the moment and enjoy what has been given to you?

Nah, I’ve found that this puts a lot of pressure on both people to perform up to an expected standard.  It’s really a big “duh” because I don’t feel things the way my lover feels them (although we do talk about this).  We both understand that it’s about pleasing and being pleased and that there are, ah, environmental issues that can affect the pleasure we feel so it’s about doing the best that we can for each other and not putting a great deal of emphasis on who’s getting more pleasure or who’s being left in the dust.  If we were to look at it like this, we’d wind up putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on each other which would ultimately get in the way of enjoying whatever it is we’re doing.

5. How important is it to you for you and your lover to have simultaneous orgasms?
a. not important – never thought about it
b. somewhat important – I think it would be nice to explode at the same time
c. important – that is what I ‘work’ for, cumming at the same time makes everything more intense–my orgasm, my feelings, the entire experience.

Ah, the mythical simultaneous orgasm!  I know that it can happen, just like I know that when we both orgasm at the same time, yeah, it’s a damned good feeling… but, realistically, it doesn’t always happen and since we both know this, it’s not an expectation.  At least for us – and from my point of view – it’s kinda like “all of the above” and then again not really because having an orgasm isn’t always the reason for making love – it’s all about the intimacy that can lead to orgasm and other releases.

Bonus: Do you think that having an orgasm is the same as sexual pleasure? Why or why not?

I’ve learned that an orgasm is a part of the pleasure, not the same as.  Sure, for many of us, the ‘goal’ or purpose to having sex is to have orgasm after orgasm piled up onto us until sensory overload kicks in and we wake up and ask our partner, “What the fuck just happened?”  Maybe it’s just me but sexual pleasure starts with having the desire to have sex with your partner and includes everything that can occur from beginning to end and up to and including orgasm.  There is the fact that you can enjoy intense sexual pleasure without having an orgasm so, at least in my mind, this is more ‘proof’ that an orgasm isn’t the same as sexual pleasure.

I do believe, however, that a lot of us equate having that mind-blowing orgasm as the defining moment of sexual pleasure; we have had it instilled in us by various means that without orgasms, the goal of being sexually pleased has not been reached.  I know that there are a lot of men who don’t believe that they can orgasm without ejaculation – even I used to think that this was one in the same until, as I mentioned, I learned otherwise.  For those women who don’t experience orgasm at all, well, I don’t know if they’d say that pleasure has been fulfilled because we hear all too often of their frustration with sex because of whatever’s inhibiting their ability to orgasm – no orgasm, no pleasure.

In this, it’s my belief that we need to redefine for ourselves the meaning of sexual pleasure and I think it begins with taking a big step back and looking at our sex lives and taking what I’d call a minimalist approach:  Don’t always expect the big bang but pay more attention to the little things that can, hopefully, lead up to that moment where you wind up being a quivering mass of flesh and, yeah, by any means necessary.

 

TMI Tuesday (11/12/13)

This is my first writing for TMI Tuesday – so here it is!

People don’t stick to the straight and narrow. Have you seen them stray?

1. Did any teachers in your high school have sex with a student? Did any students act out on a teacher crush?

Not that I was ever aware of.  There were plenty of hot teachers in my high school that lots of us had crushes on but I never heard of anything happening like this.

2. Did any professors at your college (or other post-high school) have sex or other inappropriate relationship, with a student?

Same as #1 – if there was some illicit stuff going on, I never heard anything about it.

3. Have any of your co-workers had an affair with another co-worker?

Hell yeah!  Even though that kind of fraternization was frowned upon at work, there were quite a few office relationships that I knew about and, yeah, I had a couple of them myself.

4. Have you seen hanky-panky between members of a church or club that you belong to?

Definitely.  The rumor is some of the people most likely to engage in some serious hanky-panky are churchgoers and there was a lot of that going on in the church I belonged to – churches are like miniature Payton Places!  Everyone knows what everyone else is doing – and who they might be doing and while the gossip would fly through the congregation at warp speed, to categorically deny anything funny was going on was the thing to do or what happens in church stays in church!

5. Have you ever had a friend keep you up-to-date on his/her marital infidelities?

Quite a few times – and this is all I’m going to say about this.

Bonus: Have you caught someone you knew out with a person who was not his/her regular partner?

Also quite a few times!  It’s something that you notice but try not to make any assumptions – but that depended on where you saw them and what they may have been doing at the time.  I know I’d think that seeing them without their partner could be innocent… but it also couldn’t be… and it wasn’t any of my business if it wasn’t.