Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Did I Miss Something?

So… one of the guys on the forum was riffing about the M2M dating scene and talking about how guys just aren’t interested in establishing any kind of relationship and preferring to just hit it and get ghost. A lot of guys chimed in on this one and addressing their own displeasure at this behavior and even tossing in the disease card and, methinks, perpetrating a bit of a myth that casual sex equals catching very nasty shit and like it’s a given.

I’m reading what the OP wrote, read the comments offered up, and asked myself, “Did I miss something?” and I asked myself this question because I was wondering when guys stopped being guys about stuff like this? Now, let’s not get any misunderstanding going here: There are guys who are relationship minded and simply because that works best for them. So I’m never gonna say that there aren’t bi guys out there looking for a bi guy to call his own; safer, convenient, and even justifiable.

Doesn’t change the fact that there are guys who want the sex… and just the sex, that and there’s something… weird going on here in that guys are becoming more and more adamant about dating and with the same expectations, i.e., a date with a guy is really an interview for suitability in a relationship setting. And it seems it’s being assumed that if a guy agrees to go out on a date with you, he’s gotta be interested in more than just having sex with you because that’s what and how you’re expecting him to behave.

The guys on this topic/post were riffing about all those guys who just want to get their shit off and, thanks for the good time, no need for us to do this again… and some guys feel this is just so fucked up and I’m wondering why they’re expecting men to behave in a way that, in my experiences, they very rarely do. Yes… some guys are looking for that FWB they can be exclusive with… most guys just want to get their dicks hard and make them soft again and without any further involvement… unless you’re gonna let them get at you again… but let’s just keep it in a sex-only kind of mode, okay?

Some guys aren’t able to engage in anything other than sex and I don’t quite understand why guys are having a problem understanding this. Guys aren’t exactly what anyone would call being out and a lot of guys are already in a relationship with someone and since they don’t have permission to get some dick/ass on the side, well, that’s why the DL exists so that “Herb” can get the dick/ass he needs and, hopefully, without anyone being the wiser.

I recall – and, yup, in yet another of those back in the day moments – talking to a guy about this dick thing and what the appeal, at the time, really was and the biggest bullet point was that guys were getting with each other because it was convenient and that you didn’t have to go through all the stuff that one had to do with women in order to get their rocks off.

No dating, no promises of seeing each other beyond that moment, no compromising, very few if any conditions, stuff like that. Indeed, things got to the point where a lot of guys were finding out that getting with a guy was just easier than trying to convince a woman to let you do her and more so when a relationship, for whatever reason, wasn’t wanted or possible.

It is, indeed, something women just don’t like about us – we have that “ability” to want and have sex without anything that even looks like a relationship being in play and, well, even I know that we’re like this, not because some of us don’t want a relationship but, sure, we want – and need – to have sex and not much more than that; we’re hard-wired for it and women have been busy doing their best to get us out of that hard-wired behavior because, duh, it doesn’t fit their view of things.

And now there are guys who are behaving the same way… and these guys aren’t gay – you almost and kinda expect gay men to behave in this way and, yep, it’s also one of the reason why some gay men despise bi guys because, sure, we’ll give up the dick or our asses… and that’s about all that’s gonna happen, thank you very much. It’s another one of those things that, from where I’m sitting and observing, I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing but to listen to some of the fellas, “guys being guys” is a very bad thing these days.

I think about all those guys who constantly and consistently say that they can’t find a man to get their groove on with… and what they may really be saying is that they can’t find a man who’d want to be in a relationship with them in order to get their groove on… and I’m not sure why they find this to be unusual – it’s like they’ve somehow forgotten what men are like, if that makes sense and in the way I just wrote it.

The dynamic is changing in some interesting and curious ways and the one thing I’m seeing a lot of is expectations failing to match up – or even be remotely close – to a reality that, in my mind, has always existed: Men want to have sex and in the least complicated way they can manage to do so. Women, again historically, make getting laid complicated but if you really know anything about women, you kinda understand why they do and we accept it even when we don’t always agree with it – it’s just the way it is and the way it always and usually has been; you could walk up to a woman and ask her to have sex with you… and you might survive it after she shreds your ass for having the nerve to ask her… or you might just get lucky and she wants to get laid – and without the complications of having a relationship.

And now, it seems that bi guys, in particular, are behaving in a similar manner, making me feel like I’ve missed something but, nope, pretty sure that what I’ve been seeing is some real-deal shit: Bi guys just don’t want to conveniently get some dick/ass – they want it along with a relationship of some kind; it’s no longer “good enough” to get some cock from “any” guy who’s willing to let them at it and the current level of justification for this change is the risk of catching something nasty…

When, in fact, that’s still quite possible even with a relationship in place which is also why there’s more of a push for exclusivity taking place; that doesn’t remove any risk – at best, it minimizes the risks inherent with sex – and sex with anyone. I don’t know if, again, this is some kind of normalization taking place that, if for no other reason, might make bisexuality in anyone more socially acceptable… or there’s some very serious script-flipping going on.

And the key thing is dating and what it implies. Once upon a time, you went on a date with someone just to be with them and share that moment in time with or without sex – just two people hanging out because they could hang out, nothing more or less. But we know – or should know – that women, in particular, date for a reason… and it’s not always because they wanna get laid. Well, maybe they do… but dating a guy is a test for homeboy and a lot of women are totally pissed about dating because guys wind up being their idea of a dud – and even when they give homey da booty… then gets ghost, trashing her hopes for something a bit more binding and lasting. Maybe not marriage but more than just a one night stand – unless, again, that’s all she’s really interested in.

Bi guys are wanting to date with a purpose now and the main purpose is to not have a one night stand – that’s just unacceptable and, it seems, a lot of guys are getting totally bummed out because guys are still being guys: Let’s just get the dicks out, use them on each other in some way, and go on about our respective business afterward and thanks – that’s just what the doctor ordered. And if I don’t see you again, it’s not personal… and guys are starting to take it very personally, it seems.

And I’m not sure why – have they really forgotten how guys can be about this? Have they really forgotten about this thing about us that, again, women don’t really like about us? That we can have mad crazy sex with someone and chances are nothing else will come of it – and the pun is certainly intended here? Or are we – bi guys – becoming of a mind that if “Ralph” is looking for a bi guy to call his own, then any and every man “Ralph” checks out has to be of the same mind and purpose?

And when a lot of guys ain’t feeling that with other guys and sometimes the reason they ain’t feeling it is because a relationship is or can be a “complication” in their lives and there’s no room for it or, in their minds, no need for it. Like with my protege; the guys he routinely deals with want him to be exclusive to them and them alone… he’s just not feeling any of that. His idea of FWB is actually the “original” version of it: All of the perks, none of the responsibilities needed and required in a real relationship. We can hang out together and do non-sexual stuff but, sure, if the need arises, we can do that, too, if ya want to; if not, it’s still all good – see ya next weekend if you’re free.

Not anymore, it seems. I find it all very curious and interesting. I don’t really have a personal opinion either way but, yeah, this is amazing and so very different from the dynamic I grew up with and experienced for so very long. I get it… and not so much and that’s probably why I feel like I’ve missed something. We’re taking casual, recreational sex off the table; like I said, it’s no longer good enough that two guys can get together with the sole purpose of getting each other off and calling it a day and, sure enough, a great departure from the dynamic I was used to.

Dating sucks and as a whole lot of people are finding out. Ask any woman who’s dated a guy and she’ll be happy to tell you how much it sucks and more so when homey turns out not to be the one to kinda/sorta settle down with… and now bi guys are finding out the same thing… and something that, I think, they should be very much aware of because, um, they’re guys themselves.

Or are we forgetting this? Could it be that what it “means to be a dude” is changing? Damned if I know… I just find it very interesting to see how bi guys are reacting to dating other men and, duh, finding it not to their liking. Women have got to be laughing their cute asses off because guys are finding out what they’ve always known:

Some of us are just sex-crazed assholes with some kind of built-in aversion to being relationally committed to someone… or anyone for that matter. Where, once upon a time, a guy diving into the pool of bisexuality served to take care of his hard-wired need to have sex and, again, without being put through the wringer and as women are wont to do, well, shit’s changing it looks like. So why are some guys so… surprised when guys are still acting like the guys a lot of women still don’t like? Dating men sucks? Of course it does – again, ask any woman about how much it sucks and never in a good way.

What do these guys really expect? It’s not as if it’s all that unknown that there are a slew of bi guys who are, in fact, not “being bi” because they can’t see themselves having a relationship with another guy; be friends, sure; maybe be “fuck buddies;” okay, we can do that as long as it doesn’t get any more serious than that. Like you enough to want to get naked with you? Sure, entirely possible; be your boyfriend? Not even gonna happen, fella, and I’ve heard guys say, “That’s what women are for…” and, no, ladies, that’s not as offensive as it sounds: It’s just that women are better suited for romance, love, and stuff like that… where guys, until here of late, are – or were – best suited to just being guys and in formerly sex-only terms.

Wanna get into a bro-job situation? Sure, no problem – we’re bros and we understand that among us, needs must. Wait… you’re looking for a boyfriend of sorts? Whoa… hold up for a minute! I like you… but I don’t like you that much. What, you don’t like that I’m a “bro” to other guys? How and why is that a problem? It’s not like we’re married or some shit like that! And why do you wanna ruin what’s been a good thing for the both of us by making things more serious than they have to be?

As I’ve been saying about this, I get it… and I don’t. I don’t have a problem with these… changes in the dynamic but I am fascinated by them. Even women are able to say – now – that a guy can have their body but if they want their heart, well, he’s gonna have to put in some serious work to get it. And now, it seems, guys are saying it, too… and getting quite disillusioned and disappointed because you’re not gonna get their body until you win their heart and if you do happen to get it, you’d better not vanish like smoke in the wind after you get it.

Or, don’t you dare act like a guy, man…. Guys are bitching about the foibles of dating other guys… but should they be?

Fuck if I know.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexuality and Dating

Once upon a time, these two things weren’t even related to each other; if you were bisexual, dating was for opposite sex activities and provided if one could get a girl to say hello, let alone anything beyond that. Many men would get highly frustrated trying to get a date and if they got lucky, well, it depended on why they wanted to date – just wanted to hang out with a babe or to gain, ah, biblical knowledge of her and, sure, maybe in his mind, she could be The One.

The hunt for cock wasn’t so involved or complicated; find a guy who wanted to do it and do it – no promises for a second encounter later on and, really, no other prerequisites other than two guys looking to do the nasty to each other. Still, if it turned out that, um, we could get together and do this again and even become friends of a sort, okay, that works because even back in the day, finding like-minded guys wasn’t exactly what I’d call easy.

Today, we have dating apps out the wazoo; people are online looking for The One or, bluntly, anyone they might be able to have sex with. One of the many problems with online dating is being able to view people from all over the world and then sorting through a lot of stuff to determine compatibility, suitability, and whatever specific requirements one might have.

Bi guys, eh, weren’t so much interested in “dating” other guys and the frame of mind was we didn’t date each other as much as we’d hang out or generally hook up to do something – hit the local watering hole, catch or watch a sporting event, and other things not specifically related to, um, doing it to each other but if that were the case, let’s go get a cup of coffee or a drink and talk about what we might want to do to, with, and for each other.

To really understand this, it helps to understand what the purpose of dating used to be, like dating was once called courting, that pursuit of a suitable mate that had rules like no sex on the first date and even no premarital sex at all. Dating evolved because people realized that ya didn’t have to court someone in that sense of looking for someone you’d want to marry – dating became a social thing; let’s go to the movies, have dinner, whatever and just to be social… but if anything else more involved appeared, okay, let’s talk about that at our second date.

The disparities between what women saw dating as and how men saw it, in my opinion, created a gap that continues to exist today but bi guys, since “dating” wasn’t a thing, continued to “hook up” even for social things and if sex was included, okay, that worked but having a relationship, per se, not really an option or requirement.

A lot of bi guys now fret over dating and as we understand it today. They fret on how to go about dating other men and even insist on going through the dating rituals that were once reserved for interacting with women – and including no sex on the first date and no sex without some kind of commitment or investment in each other that has nothing to do with getting naked with each other.

That this aspect of bisexuality appears to be falling in line with more traditional social behaviors, from my perspective and coming from a time when unless the guys were gay, you’d never even think about dating a guy, is either a good or “bad” thing depending on your own school of thought.

I find it interesting and curious of how this is turning out. I often find it… amusing to hear guys bitching about the foibles of dating or thinking about dating in terms that are too similar to how guys “normally” go about dating women and it stops being amusing when I see guys dealing with men and as if they were dealing with a woman – and we know that women still have a very different mindset about dating.

Guys riff about not being able to do this successfully, moan and groan over the number of men who are more about casual sex or otherwise not even interested in establishing some kind of relationship and they wonder why this is… and I think that it’s because, duh, men aren’t women.

I’ll give you a moment to really think about this one.

A fellow WordPress blogger wrote something about dating and pretty much illustrates the pains bisexual men have when trying to date other men, namely, looking for that one guy among millions you want to have a relationship (of some kind) so you have have sex… and in an environment where relationships aren’t always wanted, desirable, or even possible. Guys don’t exactly object to, um, repeat “business”with other guys as long as it doesn’t get “too serious…” but dating kinda implies a level of seriousness and I’m thinking – and I could be wrong – because when guys date women, there’s not only a lot of stuff you gotta do to get her to date you but other and more complex (or complicated) things involved if you wanna keep dating her and even more so if you wanna bone her.

Dating seems to want to circumvent casual sex in favor of a more relationship-minded arrangement; casual sex bad, relationship sex good and something that hasn’t changed a whole lot so to see this school of thought becoming more of a thing among bisexual men is… curious.

There’s been a lot of talk and emphasis on male bonding which I think is a good thing; there’s even more talk about how male bonding can lead to M2M sex (think bro jobs if that helps) and this, too, is a good thing… but dating? Maybe it’s just me and being from the old school but you kinda/sorta don’t date someone unless you want things to get serious, for the most part. There’s hanging out and socializing… dating is just different.

And, perhaps, guys are having issues with dating – and dating in order to find The One – because there’s no real “protocol” in place for men dating other men (at least that I’m not aware of). The only thing we really have to work with is how traditional dating/courting occurs except, again, we’re talking about doing something that, until now, wasn’t something a lot of guys were interested in.

If ya wanted to meet at a coffee shop as a prelude to going somewhere and getting jiggy with each other, cool – not what one would call a date… could be called a date under no sex conditions but if were just talking to see if we might be able to have sex, most guys wouldn’t really call that a date.

Or would they? I recall reading something somewhere about dating where it was said that a date was more like going to a job interview as well as a social thing to do… and depending on how the interview goes determines whether or not you get the job or not… and more than one interview may be required… and provided you passes the initial interview, of course.

A lot of bi guys get disillusioned and frustrated because, um, most guys aren’t of a mind to date others guys and as they would women; indeed, the whole notion of the much-dreaded hookup was popular because it skirted that whole dating premise experienced with women and just got right to the point: Do you wanna have sex and, if so, what do you wanna do? Now proceeding further depends on the answer to these two questions and if you were of a mind to establish something more… substantial and to avoid the even more dreaded casual sex thing, well, that could be a problem, couldn’t it?

Or, as I once heard a guy say, “If I wanted to go through all that shit all of the time, I’d only try to really date women – I just wanna get my shit off and without the drama and hassles!” Another guy was heard asking, “What part of “NSA” don’t they understand?”

No wonder a lot of guys get bent out of shape and bitch that they can’t find a guy they wanna be with… and without having to resort to having casual sexual encounters. Some guys are leery about dating and what it implies and infers… but if you’re looking for a friend, lover, or both, if you don’t get yourself out there and let it be known that you’re available, guess what’s never gonna happen for you? Call it dating, hanging out, or even hooking up; the bottom line is that if you don’t do it, again, guess what ain’t gonna happen?

With bi guys, ya just gotta understand that a lot of other guys just aren’t interested in dating as a prelude to something more serious and even something as tenuous as being a friend with benefits is just too much of a hassle to make any prospective sex worth all that potential drama and more so since FWB seems to be migrating more toward exclusivity than being a matter of, um, mutual convenience, let’s say.

I just find it curious to see how some bi guys are going about, bluntly, getting some dick.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thought: Dating or Hooking Up?

There are a lot of bi guys who are concerned about dating a guy and while I’d be the first to admit that I wouldn’t say that I’ve dated men, it gets me to wonder how guys look at dating, what it means to them to date someone and if there’s a purpose to dating other than to hook up with a guy.  There are times when I think that men think about dating in the same way they think about dating women and, yes, even if the only reason why we want to take them out is so we can get into their panties.  Depending on who you’re talking to, dating has a more romantic, relationship kind of vibe to it; we often use dating as a method to screen potential partners and, no, this time I don’t mean solely for sex; given this take on it, I’m often amused when I see and/or hear guys say that they’re not interested in hookups and are wondering what’s the best way to go about dating a guy when dating, as I’ve allowed, is more about a relationship than just going out with someone because you can go out with them.

So with this in mind, I tend to ask myself, “If you’re really not interested in having a relationship with a guy, uh, why do you want to date him?”  I think I can understand the semantics that are going on here, i.e., it’s a lot more PC to use “dating” than it is to use “hooking up” because the latter implies a sex-only interest and, well, now, we wouldn’t want some other dude to think that our only interest in them is sexual, do we?  Given that a lot of guys who are into guys aren’t really interested in dating or their situation doesn’t allow for such a protracted “getting to know you better” mode of interaction so while some guys might eschew “hooking up,” we don’t have much of a problem with substituting “hanging out” for dating and hooking up.

Now, I have agreed to meet with guys for lunch or coffee and they’ve actually said, “Cool!  It’s a date then!” and, honestly, I’ve not put much emphasis on the word because I grew up with the thought in mind that a date was nothing more than a specific day, time, and place to meet with someone for whatever activity might take place, from just sitting and talking to having sex and, yep, if the vibe is right, interviewing a candidate for a relationship; a date and what it might mean all depends on why you’re meeting this person… and if it’s because you wanna have sex with them at some point – and, often, more sooner than later, um, that’s generally called a hook up and not a date.

I’ve gone out with guys and simply because they asked (or I did), “Hey, you wanna hook up and do something tomorrow?” and, yeah, most of the time, it’s not immediately clear what that “something” is going to be; again, it could be anything from just talking to doing what we have in mind – and that’s provided that those sentiments weren’t already put out on the table.  Does it mean that we’re meeting solely for the purpose of having sex?  Nope, not always but even if sex is an item to be put on the table, it’s kinda nice to know a bit more about the other guy so hooking up with him – and, simply, the two of us getting in the same place at the same time – makes sense and is even more palatable than “dating” even if the word is being used colloquially.

Yep… I understand that “hooking up” has gotten a very bad reputation in the bi guy world because there are so many men out there who aren’t in the least bit interested in what type of guy you are; all they wanna know is can they get into your BVDs and can they do that in the next half-hour?  And it’s a sure bet that if you do let him in there, you’re probably never going to see him again unless he wants to get back in there again – but that’s not usually the case.  I think one of the things that tends to cause some confusion with these words is the fact that there are guys who are more relationship minded who wants to date as an interview technique and not necessarily to get their cookies crumbled right on the spot; they want to be with someone, be into someone, and then for the long term.  I’ll point out that a lot of these bi guys are often frustrated trying to find someone they’d like to date because when they hit sites like Grindr, Adam4Adam, OKCupid, and even Craigslist, what they’re going to run into is a bunch of dudes wanting to hook up for sex… but, if you wanna get literal about it, um, if you agree to a date, time, and place for this hookup to take place, aren’t you going out on a date?

This is either a matter of semantics or intent, a matter of being PC about wanting to get out there and get some dick or not being so PC about it.  I’ve seen and/or have heard many bi guys admit that they’re not interested in having a relationship with another man and that’s fine… but why use a word that is synonymous with romance and relationships?  I mean, even if you’re looking for a steady fuck buddy, you can still hook up with a perspective guy and interview him and that process has nothing to do with dating as we tend to understand it.  You can even keep hooking up with a guy to do this or that – and even for sex – and it not be associated with any romantic intent to establish a long term relationship.  We tend to futz around with our words and, yes, even I do it; I will “go out” with a guy, I will “meet” him, “hook up with him” but, yeah, I wouldn’t say that I’m dating him but that’s because the word has a different meaning to me, that and I have heard people say, “Let’s hookup and go out on a date!” – using both words in the same sentence and breath.

So if the word “date” does, in fact, have romantic and relationship connotations to you, what’s wrong with using hookup if, in fact, all you’re really interested in is some quick, down and dirty sex?  Perhaps it would help if you didn’t look at “hookup” in the same way everyone else tends to; look at a hookup as simply getting together with someone for some purpose; now, whatever happens after you do hook up, well, that’s up to the two of you…

 

What I Haven’t Done

I was just ‘reminded’ of something that, as a bi guy, I either haven’t done or don’t remember ever doing:  I’ve never dated a guy.  The reason I bring this up is that I just read a blog written by someone (http://aetherbloom.wordpress.com/2014/05/08/going-both-ways/) who talked about how a person can’t be validated as being bisexual if they’ve never dated someone of their own gender – and for the purpose of this discussion, I’m talking about the gender binary; those folks who consider themselves outside of the binary, while respected, just confuse the issue at hand.

I’ve slept with men, even had a loving relationship with one… but I’ve never asked a guy out on a date, not in the sense I believe most people think of dating; I don’t think asking a guy if he’d want to go grab lunch or a cup of Joe so we can discuss, say, server configurations and without being bothered counts as a date.  The question that comes to my mind is why is dating being used as a validation method for bisexuals?  Is it assumed that if we like the same sex, we have to date the same sex?  What, if anything, does dating have to do with anything?  If I’m out and about and bump into a guy who then turns around and asks me if I’d like to go somewhere and have sex with him, is that a date?

What, you can’t take my word that I’m bisexual and that I am now required to do something to prove it?  I do remember, years ago, some guy tried to tell me that I couldn’t possibly be bisexual and I said to him that if he required proof, all he had to do was whip out his dick and I’d be happy to clear the matter up… which he wasn’t all that eager to do, of course.  What gets me, in moments like this, that even if I can provide proof of my bisexuality – like tell the doubter about all the pussy and dick I’ve had to date, stuff like that – why does the fact that I’ve had more pussy than dick seem to translate into, “Well, you could really be gay…?”  And if I had to date a guy in order to validate my sexuality to anyone – including myself – well, I’d be shit out of luck because I cannot honestly say that I’ve ever run across a man I would just love to date nor do I feel compelled in any way to date a guy, even if he were gay – and I say this without any insult meant to gay men.

I would suppose that dating has a purpose other than simply two people getting together and doing something (even if it isn’t sexual); it could be that my idea of dating and the generally accepted idea aren’t the same thing… or even close to it.  To me, dating these days has an intent; it’s like an interview for someone and with the possibility of further courtship that could lead to a relationship; it’s made me ask, “Don’t people just date because it’s something to do on a Friday night?”  What I’ve been reading over the last couple of years says that the answer to my question is, “No, they don’t…” like ‘dating’ and just ‘going out’ are, in fact, two very different things.  Even if it is, do I have to date “Carl” in order to validate my bisexuality?  Does it matter to anyone other than me that while I might be very interested in getting into “Carl’s” boxers, um, the thought of doing anything other than that isn’t on my list of things to do?  So, okay, I hit on “Carl” and he’s interested and we go somewhere, drain each other’s nuts dry, then go about our business; was that a date or merely a booty call?  If we decide to hook up again for more of the same, what makes this a dat? – does stopping at McDonald’s for a quick bite before we suck each other off make it a date?  Hell, if we skip the burger and fries and just handle the business, does that still count as a date?

Even better, um, wouldn’t the fact that Carl and I went after each other’s dick like starving men serve as enough proof of our sexuality when we could have been at home or otherwise with a woman?  You’d think it would but, no, there are those who are insisting that if I’m not “dating” Carl, then I can’t be bisexual.  This assumes that all bisexuals have that emotional affinity, that thing that wants to make us date people and with the purpose of romance and possibly a relationship; if you date, it’s for a mate.  Personally, I think using dating as an indicator/validation point is flawed and imprecise because, duh, a lot of bisexuals would rather have latrine duty than to actually go out and date/court someone who’s the same sex as they are – but I’m not saying that there aren’t bisexuals who do, in fact, date like this – I’m just not one of them and, no, I’m not alone in this mindset.

But maybe there are those who believe or have been made to believe that a lack of dating invalidates things?  I’ve read too many times where people have spoken about their feelings about bisexuality and have said while they don’t have any real issues with it, they don’t think they could be bi because they (a) couldn’t have a same-sex relationship or (b) couldn’t have a same-sex date… like either thing really has anything to do with being bisexual?  Again, it seems to be that there are those who want to look at bisexuality in the same way that heterosexuality and homosexuality are looked at and, in this, trying to make something stick to us that, at the least, some of us aren’t all that willing to have hanging off of us.  I actually don’t feel bad because I’ve never dated a guy, just like I don’t feel bad about not really liking guys the way I like women; I’ve had people tell me that I’m not bisexual because of my lack of that kind of liking… but it is what it is with me… and it doesn’t change the fact that, well, I’ve probably sucked more dick and fucked more male ass (and have been sucked and fucked) than the person doubting my credentials in this.

And all that I’ve done over these years can be invalidated because I don’t date men?  Eh, I don’t think so but I probably will keep wondering why others think this is the way it’s supposed to be for everyone…