Before I went to bed, I was reading an email my newest friend (who continues to remain nameless since I’ve not asked his permission to name him) and, wow, this dude has really got his head in the right place about his bisexuality. During his engaging discourse, he said the “P” word when saying a few things about how he had been holding on to his heterosexuality while, in essence, kinda/sorta denying his bisexuality. I said some things to him about that but as I finished going through my emails this morning, his email popped back into my head and my thoughts focused on his use of the “P” word.
Privilege: “A special right, advantage or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people.” There are many who accuse bisexuals of having some kind of “straight privilege” and seeing my friend use the word in this context got me to wondering just who in our society granted us a privilege to do or be something that, as bisexuals, we tend to do by default, i.e., be heterosexual? I’ve always felt that anyone who feels that our heterosexual side is some unearned or undeserved perk just really doesn’t understand a damned thing about bisexuals and, yes, I will once again point out that the group of people who has saying this shit the loudest are those people who have more problems living in a heterosexual world than bisexuals do.
I had all of this running through my head and I was fuming; I thought, “Those motherfuckers are just pissed because we can do something that they can’t; they have never been pleased about the fact that we can “get away” with something that they themselves have had so much trouble trying to pull off, just like they’ve been the ones living in the most fear regarding their sexuality that they only place they could try to hide was, in fact, in the heterosexual world even though they weren’t all that happy about having to be straight-acting…”
The fact that they even dare to assume that we – bisexuals – have some privilege continues to tell me that they’re among a group of people who, for reasons only God may know, continue to believe that people are either just straight or just homosexual, that someone couldn’t actually be both in some form or another, and that someone could never change their mind and make a decision (and you can damned well read that as meaning a choice) to shuck off their “current” sexual orientation and be bisexual… and simply because it suits their purposes in life to be bisexual. It presumes, and incorrectly so, I might add, that someone who has lived their life with either same or opposite sex attractions just couldn’t possibly find a reason to develop attractions to the same and opposite sex in tandem… and since these folks have such a narrow view of the way things really work when it comes to humans, bisexuals are being accused of faking the funk and taking advantage of the “privilege” of heterosexuality which also incorrectly presumes that bisexuals are really homosexuals who don’t want anyone to know they’re really homosexuals.
Really? I mean, really fucking really? We – society – get our tits in a bunch about human rights and understandably, justifiably so given that so many people in the world continue to have their rights as a human being suppressed and just flat-out stomped on and the biggest one is our God-given right to live our individual lives as we see fit and without persecution. If you believe this to be true, then bisexuals have that same God-given right to be both heterosexual and homosexual as they see the need to be… except we also live in a “majority-ruled society” that also believes that everyone has to be heterosexual and if you aren’t, well, your right to live your life the best way you can is null and void… and you only have to look at the way homosexuals have been treated to see and understand this.
I guess that there are some folks who just feel they have to invoke “misery loves company” because they’ve historically had so much trouble living in a predominantly heterosexual world and since this has been a pain in their collective asses for so long (figuratively speaking, of course), they find reason to want to drag bisexuals down right along with them and, oh, yeah, if they can also take a few transgender folks with them, so much the better. They just can’t deal with the fact that someone like me is not only heterosexual and homosexual but one of my other default behaviors is being heterosexual and, oh, yeah, being heterosexual by default is a choice I made because it suits my purposes as I go about the pursuit of happiness and exercising my God-given right to live my life. How fucking hard is it to understand this? How damned difficult is it to accept this? If those people – and they know who the fuck they are – think we have some kind of privilege that keeps us from being persecuted for our orientation, then why don’t they stop moaning and whining about what we naturally have and focus their thoughts on getting to where we, as bisexuals, have always been?
Oh, yeah, that’s right – that’s exactly what they’ve been doing for as long as I can remember, haven’t they… and it wasn’t until now that they’ve made any real progress toward that end but, comparatively speaking and with an eye on the grand scheme of things, nah, they’ve not really gotten as far as they’d like in their goal – nay, their need – to be treated just like everyone else which, unfortunately for them, is a problem that bisexuals have never had; we don’t have that problem because, again, for many of us, our default behavior is to be heterosexual… but we are far from being monosexual and, yeah, I can see how that can just stick in their collective craws. By comparison, affirmative action was a privilege granted to minority groups because of the unfair treatment of said minorities and, yep, AA pissed a lot of people off – it still does and to the point where “charges” of reverse-discrimination abound due to this special right that was granted so long ago. This was – is – some very messy shit; AA was enacted because minorities were being denied the equal rights granted to all Americans under the Constitution – it was supposed to right a long-standing wrong and, yep, even I took advantage of that special right so I could get on my feet and take care of myself and my family.
What does that have to do with anything? Well, if you think about it – if you care to think about it – you can maybe see the word “privilege” in action and, perhaps, begin to understand that sexuality – and how we go about being straight, bi, or gay, isn’t a privilege; even if it cannot be agreed upon that our right to be whatever sexuality suits our purposes is a God-given right, as Americans, we do have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Even though we are guaranteed equality under the law, we also know that, um, we don’t give a fuck about the law, do we, because we continue to treat each other unequally all up and down the line and so, in a way, I can see and understand why there are some people out there who think that I, as a bisexual, have some privilege to be treated as a heterosexual even when I know I’m not… but it’s not a privilege, not by definition; I’m just able to exercise my “equal rights” better than someone who can’t because of our natural tendency to hate that which is different from us.
To those who still want to believe that we have some kind of privilege, I have this to say: Don’t hate the player, hate the game; stop accusing us for having something that, in truth, we never had and, by all means, get your asses off your back because you think we have something that you want and you wanna believe we don’t deserve it and more so since you’re still having a hard time getting to where bisexuals have always been and, please, stop making your problems with this our problems. Bisexuals have enough shit fucking with their heads without have this so-called straight privilege charge being levied on us, okay? There are heterosexuals out there who are pitching a bitch about your so-called gay privilege, raising all kinds of hell because you are being granted rights that they don’t believe you’re entitled to since homosexuals are such soulless, godless, creatures; they feel that you are trampling on their right to be heterosexual as well as their right to believe that being heterosexual is the only true way to believe. And I get it that this just fucks with you and, for a lot of you – and given my age and all that – I knew you were being fucked with about this before some of you were even born so you were always fighting an uphill battle… but that’s what happens when you show your face and paint a target upon yourselves – you get shot at and you will continue to be shot at until you are totally and utterly destroyed.
Unlike you folks – and, again, you know who you are – we are not hiding to avoid persecution, not like homosexuals have been persecuted. You choose to be homosexual – and that is your right, in my opinion, but we choose to be bisexual and just the nature of what we are gives us a choice that you don’t have – we can be straight or gay as we see fit and if we choose to be more straight than gay, well, what’s the problem? We’re just doing what we’ve always been able to do and, really, if we are hiding from anything, we’re staying under the radar so we won’t be mistaken for homosexuals and become subject to the same persecution you are bravely, valiantly, trying to get away from.
There is no straight privilege for us; we can’t be accused of “acting straight” because we are, in fact and in deed, straight… when we want and need to be… and homosexual, too. You wanna fuck with us about this nonsense but what about all the homosexuals who have been acting straight and because they are trying to escape to escape persecution. Fuck no… we’re not guilty of having that straight privilege… but some homosexuals are guilty of it, aren’t they? What… y’all don’t wanna talk about that? Why not? Don’t get me wrong, I really do get why there are straight-acting gays; as far as society is concerned, you’re prey to be hunted and eradicated, terminated with extreme prejudice… but don’t you fucking dare accuse us of doing something “dishonest” when you’re the ones who, even by necessity, have been dishonest about your true identities in the sexuality world.
There is no fucking “straight privilege” we’re taking advantage of; you’re just miffed because we can do something you can’t do. If you feel that we have some kind of privilege at work here in being straight, do we also have a “gay privilege” as well? Can you point the finger at us for faking our homosexuality as easily as you point the finger at us for faking our heterosexuality? Are we really faking any funk here… or are we, in fact, just doing what’s natural for us to do? We have something you desperately want and need and, again, even I understand why you’ve been fighting this war for as long as you’ve been fighting it… but while I don’t know and cannot speak for other or all bisexuals, I am one – and likely one of many – bisexuals who fervently wish you’d stop trying to drag us into your war with heterosexuality; just stop fucking with us about this, will you? Like I said, we have enough issues being bisexual so we sure the fuck don’t need any more shit piled onto us… and it ain’t even some shit of our own making. Believe it or not, a lot of bisexuals – and this one included – are on your side as you fight for your rights to be treated equally; by some of y’all going out of your way to alienate us, well, you’re not helping your cause a whole lot, are you?
I just had the insane thought that if those folks – you fucking know who you are – feel that we have some kind of privilege, well, there’s a way you can have that same “privilege” you think we have: Become bisexual! But, ah, you’re not gonna do that, are you, and you won’t because – wait for it – you do have the right to be homosexual because it’s how you choose to live your lives that way and, at least here in the United States of America, that you have that right is, in and of itself, a privilege and one that cannot be easily had anywhere else in the world.
Thus endeth the rant…