Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 14 March 23, 1636 hours

It’s something that I’ve been aware of since I became aware of my bisexuality: Bi erasure. That thing going around today where people are poo-pooing bisexuality and bisexuals as not being real, i.e., we didn’t pick a side and like we’re supposed to. Hang with me for a few.

I’d spent an afternoon having very torrid sex with a gay guy and, giving the devil his due, it was some of the best sex I’d with a guy and in a while. So good that, at one point, I had thought that if I hadn’t known that I was in bed with a guy, I could easily believe that there was a girl with me and, um, he was better in bed than some of the girls I’d been having sex with.

A few hours later, we’re both worn out and sated and he says – and in a rather self-deprecating way, “I guess you’re going back to your boyfriend now, huh?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend but I do kinda have a girlfriend,” I said – and it was the truth.

“Oh. What’s his name? Maybe I know him,” he says.

“You mean what’s her name, don’t you?” I asked.

It took about a second for my question to hit his brain; he went from looking like someone had stolen his lunch money to looking like he’d just been shot or something and it took another second for him to be able to say that there was no way that I had a girl as a girlfriend because I had to be gay and like he was. Now, this wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before because I could tell someone that I went both ways and… disbelief on top of great surprise. I had to be gay; why wasn’t I just admitting that I was?

This guy is now having a fit because now he can’t believe that he slept with a guy who wasn’t gay. He’s going off on me and… I’m kinda tickled watching him but when I could get a word in I said, “Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true.”

He, um, got over it but this was about the time when I’d really gotten tired of people telling me that I wasn’t what I said I was and knew myself to be. As I’ve said before, you hear this enough and you either let it keep fucking with you or… you ignore it. I hear what you’re saying (because I’ve heard it too many times before) but if you don’t believe me, that’s not my problem. I mean, it used to be: What, are you calling me a liar? Them’s fighting words! I would realize that I was getting into arguments and fights over… nothing, when you get right down to it.

It’s not my fault that you don’t believe that I’m bisexual. Like or hate me, I am what I am and while you might think that I’m in denial of being gay, I can assure you that I’m not because if I was, um, duh, I’d be gay. Seriously, what part of “I like girls and pussy, too” didn’t you hear and are not believing? I knew why, though: It was the ongoing belief that people are either straight or gay and someone who was both, well, who does that and why would someone want both?

Um, ah, because believe it or not, there are people like me who wants both because it works for us. You can stand or sit there and give yourself a very sore throat trying to tell me that I can’t possibly be what I say I am and… it’s not going to change anything because when you get done telling me what you think and don’t believe, I’m going to walk away and still be bisexual.

A lot of bisexuals today are still whining and moaning about bi erasure and how to combat it and the way I learned to do this was realizing what I wrote four paragraphs ago: Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true. You’re just upset and feeling some kind of way because it is true and… I just took everything you believed in and shredded it. Yeah, bisexuality tends to do that to some folks and it really is a shame that it does but when you’re made to believe something that, in fact, isn’t true, I understand how it can mess with you.

Not everyone who tried to “erase” me behaved like that.

Oh, wait – you really go both ways?

Yes, I do.

Wow… I didn’t really believe what I heard about that but, damn, it must be true, huh?

Oh, it is… because I am the “thing” you didn’t believe in.

You don’t look like the type!

Yes, I know I don’t and I happen to know that “the type” means gay. Trust me, I’m a lot of things but gay isn’t one of them.

Well, different strokes for different folks, huh?

Yup.

I don’t think I could be like that.

I hear that a lot, too.

The guy I’d spent the afternoon having sex with was… beside himself. He couldn’t seem to get his head around a guy who had a girlfriend being able to have sex with a guy and as we’d done, and I felt this way because… he kept saying that. In the space of a couple of minutes, he went from being all nice, happy, and satisfied to being seriously distraught… and over something that he didn’t believe to be true and now, he’s having a major problem because what he believed, again, just got shredded. I felt badly for him and didn’t so much console him as I let him know that no matter what you’ve were told or believed, yeah – I’m bi. I go both ways. I have been for a while now. We had amazing sex because… we had amazing sex. Nothing can change that. If we were to do it again right now, well, I suspect that it might not be as amazing as it really was because what you think has been trashed.

He was either trying to convince me or convince himself that there was no way that a guy who dealt with, gasp, women could be good in bed with a guy – such a guy had to be gay. Well, no, not really and now you know it. I was saddened to sit there and watch him going through this shakeup – but I felt no guilt over having shook him up: It’s not my fault that you don’t believe that there are guys who go both ways. That’s society’s fault and maybe his own fault but if he didn’t believe it before, he learned the truth. He eventually accepted the truth and. like I said, he, ah, got over it.

Some people don’t. I was, at this point in things, learning how bisexuality was and could fuck with someone and not in a good way. I was learning that when you challenge – and debunk – what someone believes, there’s no telling how they’re going to react to it and, in this, not everyone “behaved well.” I would better see why adults said that you never talk about religion or politics because it challenges beliefs and if you fuck with someone’s beliefs, that’s a bad thing to do. Being bisexual, it seemed to me, was like this and right along about another topic not to be discussed in ‘polite company’: Sex and as a follow-on, sexuality.

When the current clusterfuck over bi erasure blew up, I’d said and maintained that you cannot erase me. You can believe what you want, and you can say whatever you want to say but what remains true is… I’m bisexual. The thing is that I’m not going to allow your disbelief to bother me (and like it used to) and if you have a problem with my bisexuality, it would be in the best interest of both of us that you not try to make it my problem because I don’t have patience like that and more so when I grew up hearing it time and time again. True enough, it wasn’t always bad; a lot of guys and gals thought that it was pretty cool and, well, they were right about that and if I may say so myself.

But folks like this were the exception more than the rule and now I was finding myself having to decide to “make” someone a believer or… just leave it alone. Losing friends and lovers… suck. Some might think that such losses is an indication and proof that I shouldn’t be bisexual and there was a time when I… considered it. But I’m very real with myself and saw that, to put it in today’s terms, if I did that, I… erased myself. I might lie to someone about my sexuality, but I couldn’t lie to myself about it since, hmm, this was me and as a matter of course. My problem wasn’t my sexuality: It was all the people who didn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t believe that I wasn’t really gay and I go both ways. It was all the people who accused me of being in denial about being gay. It was all the people who couldn’t buy into the “fact” that just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean that it’s not true.

Like, this one: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? I have heard people insist and, often, vehemently so, that it does not make a sound. Why? Because no one heard it. Well, hmm, that’s not true because whether you were standing there to hear it or not, when the tree fell, it made a sound, from its branches swishing as they cut through the air and definitely if it hit the ground. I found that even when I hit them with this, they refused to believe it but, yeah, just because they wouldn’t believe didn’t still mean that it wasn’t true.

You can’t really look at me and see, with your eyes, that I’m bisexual. I would theorize that one of the reasons why bi erasure exploded the way it did was because of what I just said: You can’t look at someone and tell if they’re bisexual. We look like… everyone. Anyone. Yes, if you ask one of us if we’re bi, we just might lie to you because we know how badly people can react to the truth and… you get tired of that, too. Still, regardless to what you think you know or what you care to believe, bisexuals are real and the proof is that I’m bisexual and if you require more proof, well, you might want to sit down because it’s going to take a long time for me to go over my sexual history with you. Yes, I could be lying about that but at this point, I have no reason to lie and, yeah, no, if you want some proof that your eyes are going to accept, okay, if you wanna go there, let’s go there but if you’re, ah, opposed to that level of truth, well, it could be in our joint best interest for you to believe that I am bisexual.

And if you don’t, that’s… sad and not my problem. You can tell me that I shouldn’t be – heard this too much, too – and considering what we think about sex and sexuality, you’re right: I shouldn’t be. Yet, I am. I don’t really know what to tell you at this point since I have long since learned that you’re either going to believe me or you aren’t and if you don’t, I will still be very much bisexual. Your disbelief… changes nothing other than your opinion of me. I would often find it to be extremely odd that someone would be more “accepting” of me being really gay than they’d accept that I’m bi.

Just more lessons on how bisexuality just doesn’t upset apple carts: It obliterates them and the apples, too. I hope you like applesauce. More and greater lessons in the power of belief. Like this one time? I’d had sex with a guy and a gal and, yeah, we were all pretty lit and the three of us having sex sounded like the best idea ever. We had it in a way that, as a bisexual male, is the ultimate expression: I had sex with both of them and they with me. Shit yeah. Does not ever get any better than this. A couple of days later, a guy who knew all three of us obviously heard that we had “mad crazy sex with each other” and asked, “I don’t understand how you could have had sex with her if you’re gay.”

I wanted to laugh but I didn’t. I did say, “Well, I could have sex with her because I’m not gay.”

A sort of footnote at this point and a relevant one: This was at a time where it was deemed to be impossible that a gay man would even think about having sex with a woman, let alone actually have sex with her. We didn’t believe it. I didn’t. I got disabused of it.

He kept insisting that if me and homeboy were getting it on with each other, that meant that I was gay. He believed this to be true. I allowed that, nope, not really. He then insisted and implied that I had sex with her to hide the fact that I was gay. Nope, I had sex with her because having sex with women was a part of my deal, too. And might I add that the pussy was pretty damned good? We’re having this conversation but given what I now knew, I was watching his belief system getting destroyed. Did I have sex with him because we were both high? I ain’t gonna lie: That probably was part of it but here’s the thing: I would have had sex with him even if I hadn’t been high, but I don’t know about him.

This guy’s belief system was crumbling right before my eyes. He didn’t want it to be true. Yeah, it’s true and I wasn’t going to tell him that the three of us were getting together later so we could do what we did the other day – and we weren’t going to be high which said something about the other guy. But, right now, I have someone who knew us having a problem with me being something that he didn’t believe in – and I wasn’t what he did believe in and as such as that might have been. He’s having quite the fit telling me that he doesn’t believe that I’m one of those freaks who goes both ways.

“Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean that it’s not true,” I said. Did I make a believer out of him? No. I understood, at this point in time, that if one person tells you this, eh, it might not be true, or it can be perceived as an untruth. However, if more than one person tells you this, what are the chances and odds that all of them are wrong? The exception, of course, is the disbelief that bisexuality and bisexual are real because there are an untold number of people who don’t believe it and they do share their disbelief with others. I found this to be pretty damned interesting but, okay, I’m sure that one of both of them told you what went down between us and if they told you, why would they both lie about it? If you’re asking me if what they told you was true and I say that it most certainly was, well, yeah. This. Thrice confirmed.

He went with me to meet my partners of the other day. He got to watch us going at each other and like he wasn’t even there. He was asked if he wanted to get in on this and he said no (even though he was obviously sporting a seriously huge bulge in his pants and complete with a big wet spot. Why not? Because what we were doing wasn’t something he believed in. Do you think that seeing the three of us having sex – and me and the other guy giving each other da bizness – changed what he believed?

It didn’t. His beliefs continued to disintegrate because we were just putting on a show for his benefit. He left. We didn’t care that he did but the three of us did agree that it wasn’t our fault that he couldn’t and didn’t believe what he was seeing. There was – and might still be – this saying: Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. In this case, though, I had a hard time understanding why he couldn’t believe all of what he was seeing. It would a lot of years before I would fully understand that belief, and like perception, always trumps the truth… until one becomes disabused of that belief.

What did make him a believer was that my two partners… did him. From what they told me, he protested mightily but took to it like a duck to water. All of it. I saw him a few days after I was told this and when he saw me, he must’ve known I was going to say something because he said, “Don’t. Don’t say shit, okay?”

He learned that just because he didn’t believe meant that it wasn’t true. I’d had a talk with him about it because he was greatly bothered by his actions and learning the truth in a way that is, in my opinion at the time, undeniable. You can have sex with a guy and not be gay. It’s okay even though everyone believes that it isn’t. Bisexuality is like that, too. It’s quite okay even though there are still a lot of people who says that it isn’t.

And my contention and position that if bisexuality isn’t real, what is everyone fussing about? I was seeing belief being chipped away as people were insisting that this was a phase or something “trendy” and like it was hip and cool to say that you’re bi – and even if you really weren’t. Bi women get slapped with this one, by the way and, yeah, if there’s a truth with them, they’re either lying about being bi or in denial of being a lesbian. Oh, and there are lesbians who have sex with guys. I know that one for a fact, too. Even in this, just because you don’t believe that it’s true doesn’t mean that it isn’t. I will never say that what someone believes in this doesn’t have meaning or stuff like that but, hmm, I hate to tell you that if you don’t believe that bisexuality and bisexuals are real, you’re about to get one hell of a wakeup call… because we are very damned real.

No such thing as a Black, male bisexual? Truly you jest! Or, seriously, that’s what a lot of people believe, and I know why they do but, yeah, we are real because, duh, right? I’ve felt that the plight that homosexuals had to deal with… didn’t do bisexuals any favors. Yeah, we’ll lie about our sexuality because we know how people can react to homosexuality and, yeah, it can mess with someone’s head to find out that, um, uh, no – we aren’t homosexual. Not quite all that heterosexual, either, but this… varies. It’s fluid and, I think, a lot more fluid than we’re ready to believe at this point in things.

Your disbelief in bisexuality cannot erase it. Nothing you can say to this end can erase it. It’s like playing peek-a-boo with a child who covers their eyes and says that you can’t see them when, okay, honey – I’m still looking right at you. What do you mean that I can’t see you? You can’t see me because your eyes are closed but mine are open and… I see you. But if you were to open your eyes, you can see me, too. It’s just that in this, you can see me just fine, but I am something that you might not believe in… and that can never mean that that I’m not what I say I am.

And it’s still being said that bisexuals are in denial? I beg to differ. You can go on believing that none of this is real and we’re faking at being straight and, again, in denial of really being gay and… it changes nothing. I am bisexual and no matter what I’m doing because, as I’ve said repeatedly, this isn’t just a thing to do: It’s a way to be. I’ll never lie about the sex: It can be all that and then some because sex is supposed to be like that… right? Bisexuality is being “faced with erasure” because of… relationships. Okay, relationships are nice or whatever they’re going to be. However, relationships cannot define, qualify, or quantity sexuality because, well, that doesn’t make any sense. If you were around and saw me with my boyfriend – and there was no mistaking the fact that he was very gay – sure: You’d assume that we both were gay… and you would have been quite wrong. You can see me with my lady and assume that we’re both straight and, well, you’d be wrong about that, too.

It is, however, unadulterated bullshit that if you’re not in a same-sex relationship with someone, that erases the fact that you’re bisexual. And it’s… insane that there are people who believe this but, in my eyes, this is their belief… being systematically destroyed because they’re coming up with every “excuse” they can think of to not believe that bisexuality and bisexuals are just as real as everyone else is. It’s pretty sad to hear people believing in this and even sadder to know that there are bisexuals who are scared to death of… being erased and losing their shit because they believe that they’re being erased.

Are you really fucking kidding me? Okay. On the real. The truth is… you don’t have to believe that bisexuality and bisexuals are both real things. What you don’t believe… changes nothing. You cannot erase this because this has been a part of humanity since forever. You might not like it and you have the right to not like it but your dislike, like your disbelief, changes nothing. If you’re bisexual and you’re buying into this erasure bullshit?

Stop. Just stop. Because you’re believing in something that isn’t true or even possible. Know that we have been trying to erase and even eradicate homosexuality… and it’s very much alive and well, isn’t it? It cannot be done. Your sexuality cannot be erased but, sure, you can change it and we believe that it can’t be changed, too. There are those who try to erase us with meaningless words and that should tell you something about them and more than what it says about us as bisexuals.

Bisexuality isn’t the problem. It’s all the people who don’t believe in it. It’s all the people who think this can be erased. It’s their right not to believe but trying to erase bisexuality? Bisexuals are still real.

Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Eraser? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Eraser!

I keep finding myself coming back to this dumb-assed bisexual erasure bullshit because it’s some pretty insane shit being perpetrated by people who, I guess, think they know the real deal about sex and sexuality, only to prove that they don’t know shit about it.

They know what they think – they have an opinion, at best, and while I’d not say that there are some, ah, demographic segments who just might have issues with bisexuals, it still comes back to one rather pointed thing or question, if you will:

If this ain’t real, why are there a lot of people trying to say that it isn’t?

There aren’t too many days where I don’t see a raft of biphobic bullshit and those people spouting it are just parrotting some shit that I heard way before any of them were born… and maybe their parents weren’t either. I even see where some say that if bisexuals don’t respond to the allegations against them, well, they’re just feeding into the biphobia and, I dunno, erasing themselves?

I remember telling someone that when it comes to this shit, I don’t let it fuck with me… and they accused me of being part of the problem. Say what? Okay… so you’re telling me that since I’m not buying this bullshit they’re trying to sell everyone, I’m somehow making it or giving it more validity? And when I’m as bisexual as the day is long? How do I become complicit in this shit and because just because someone has a problem with it and I’m not even going to allow them to make their problem my problem… and, duh, I seriously don’t have a problems with bisexuals since, you know, again, I am one.

I see this… and it’s like some of us are suffering from some kind of mass hallucination and one where that which is real is somehow not so real. Okay, yeah, sure – I get it: There’s the way things are supposed to be, the way we’re all told is the only way to be… but the reality has always been, well, saying it’s different just really doesn’t cover it, does it?

I’ve sat and watched very intelligent people make total asses of themselves preaching against something that they have no real understanding of and they stay steadfastly true to their misconceptions and misperceptions even when you can offer them proof that, yup, there are people who goes both ways for sex, love, and both as it suits their needs and purposes.

“Well, it shouldn’t be…” I’ve always heard. “I’d never (or couldn’t) do some shit like that!” For shits and giggles, ask them why… and here comes the old, moldy rhetoric and stereotypical claptrap, mixed in with the usual religious dogma and it’s clear that what they believe somehow continues to carry more weight than the reality of things… and you’d think that, after all this time, we’d learn not to behave like this, that we’ve evolved to a point where we are aware of our own insane behavior in such things…

Apparently not.

It makes those highly intelligent people say, “Yeah, but…” a lot and I wonder if they’re aware of how… insipid they sound saying stuff like that. You either believe it or you don’t… and if you don’t, what world are you living in? One guy said, “I don’t have to believe that shit if I don’t want to!” and, true enough, he doesn’t… still doesn’t make it a very real thing, does it?

I’ve heard both men and women state emphatically that nothing would ever make them go both ways… then they do… and now they’re singing a very different song but publicly, well, it’s best not to let anyone – or too many people – know that your mind, thoughts, and even beliefs got, let’s say, corrected.

Decades before this biphobic shit got started, I’d see both men and women who I knew for a fact went both ways… and would get quite indignant if you were to infer that they did. But I got it back then and as I’ve said, image is everything; people tend to look at you strangely when you’ve been known to speak out against such behaviors… and now you’re on board with it?

Hmm… how you doin’?

Some bisexuals are uncomfortable with being bisexual; they’ve taken the rule book and set fire to it and, um, shit, there might be repercussions behind doing that… but they eventually get comfortable… then here comes this biphobia, bi-erasure bullshit and now they’re questioning everything about themselves all over again… and for what?

“You’re just confused,” someone said to me.

“About what, pray tell?” I asked.

“You’re really gay – why don’t you just admit it?”

“Um… because I’m not really gay?”

“I think you are.”

“I think you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about – but, okay, if it makes you feel better, keep thinking that; I know what I am and no matter what you think.”

“Prove that you are!”

“Oh, you really don’t want me to do that, now do you?”

They didn’t… but I knew that. That people would be “happier” to stick to that which they believe over some very definitive and undeniable proof just continues to amaze me to no end. There’s a lot of talk about bisexuals and mental illness… but if you read what the biphobics and all those folks reaching for an eraser are saying, it really does make you wonder who is really suffering from some kind of mental illness, huh?

People are quick to pull the disease card and slam it on the table and, true enough, those things are real… but they’ve always been real and a potential risk for anyone who has sex. It is a very effective deterrent and to the point and extent that there are bi guys who are of a mind that if they even touch a “strange dick,” they’re gonna come down with every disease known to man and maybe a couple that haven’t really been discovered yet.

Hell… my own protege cracks me up with this one; he’s so paranoid about catching something that when I say to him, “Well, use condoms…” he gives me that “Yeah, but…” stuff. Like, we were discussing busting a nut in a guy’s butt and his fear of doing so even when that’s what the other guy expects and I pointed out to him – and truthfully so – that the moment you slid it in him uncovered, you took on the risk. He’s no dummy – he’s a really smart guy and he said, “I know, but…”

Not that the risk isn’t real… but when a lot of the world around you is constantly slamming the disease card onto the table, yeah, it’ll make you pretty paranoid but, um, how much does a condom cost these days?

But, yeah, once upon a time, homosexuals were the poster children for sexually transmitted diseases and infections; it makes me wonder just how many straight people, both men and women, have gotten burned having sex in the approved fashion? Eh… the biphobics don’t talk a whole lot about that, do they?

How many straight people aren’t of a mind to be monogamous when, by all “rights” they’re supposed to be? How many straight folks are “habitual cheaters?” The biphobics don’t talk about that a whole lot either. How many straight people are involved in acts of domestic violence? Are suffering from severe bouts of depression and subject to suicidal thoughts – and actually off themselves? Use drugs or are hitting the bottle like most people drink water?

The biphobics don’t say much about this, either… and because they think it best serves their insane purpose not to mention it, that anyone, regardless of sexuality, can wind up experiencing any or all of this shit and depending on what life can throw at them?

Nope; bisexuals are the most fucked up people since… homosexuals – oh, yeah, that’s right – they were thought to not be real, too, weren’t they? And many people still don’t believe that homosexuals exist except as a bunch of very deviant, immoral, and perverted fudge-packing motherfuckers and carpet munching bitches.

Is this sounding crazy? It should… because it is… and I’m not sure if those suffering from biphobia understand how totally insane they sound when they start spouting their bullshit… and I really don’t know why any bisexual would even want to pay attention to that shit other than to tell the biphobics to seek professional help for their obviously delusional state of mind.

People shouldn’t be bisexual… yet they are. No one should ever have a reason to switch up and get their sexual and emotional jollies in that very prohibited same-sex way… yet people do have reason. To any or all biphobics who might be reading this, bisexuals aren’t the ones who need a reality check – ah, that would be you.

We are real – get over it. You can’t erase us and what you’re really doing is similar to that very childish thing where a kid covers their eyes and believes that no one can see them – think about that one for a moment. You don’t wanna know that bisexuals are everywhere and covering your eyes isn’t going to make any of us go away or, as Rocky the Flying Squirrel used to tell Bullwinkle the Moose, “But that trick never works!” when Bullwinkle went to pull a rabbit out of his hat… and, nope, no rabbit even though he said, “This time for sure!”

Yeah, my age is seriously ratting me out on this one and some of you might not understand the reference but the hidden “message” is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result… and trying to invalidate bisexuality and because you think it should be ain’t ever gonna work.

It didn’t work when we tried to invalidate and erase homosexuals… so what the fuck makes you think it’s gonna work now? You don’t have to like it but telling yourself – and trying to convince others it ain’t a real-deal thing – well, what does that say about you more than it does about us?

Think about that one, you know, if you’re even capable of doing it. And even if you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…” and ready to start pointing out why you think/believe it’s not real, why it shouldn’t be and, most certainly why you wouldn’t do some shit like this, stop and think about why you’re about to make yourself look like an idiot before you once more embarrass the fuck out of yourself and rambling on about something that, chances are, you don’t know jack shit about… other than some bullshit you heard and bullshit that existed before I was born… way back in the mid-1950s… and here we are in the 21st century… and still perpetuating this dumb shit.

Yes… you can believe whatever you care to; I’m just the bisexual who’s gonna tell you that what you believe isn’t real and I am living proof, myself and a few hundred million or more people who are just like me.

Real-deal, card-carrying bisexuals. Indelible. Unerasable. Live with it because we’ve always been here and always will be.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Time to Rant and Riff

Before I went to bed, I was reading an email my newest friend (who continues to remain nameless since I’ve not asked his permission to name him) and, wow, this dude has really got his head in the right place about his bisexuality.  During his engaging discourse, he said the “P” word when saying a few things about how he had been holding on to his heterosexuality while, in essence, kinda/sorta denying his bisexuality.  I said some things to him about that but as I finished going through my emails this morning, his email popped back into my head and my thoughts focused on his use of the “P” word.

Privilege:  “A special right, advantage or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people.”  There are many who accuse bisexuals of having some kind of “straight privilege” and seeing my friend use the word in this context got me to wondering just who in our society granted us a privilege to do or be something that, as bisexuals, we tend to do by default, i.e., be heterosexual?  I’ve always felt that anyone who feels that our heterosexual side is some unearned or undeserved perk just really doesn’t understand a damned thing about bisexuals and, yes, I will once again point out that the group of people who has saying this shit the loudest are those people who have more problems living in a heterosexual world than bisexuals do.

I had all of this running through my head and I was fuming; I thought, “Those motherfuckers are just pissed because we can do something that they can’t; they have never been pleased about the fact that we can “get away” with something that they themselves have had so much trouble trying to pull off, just like they’ve been the ones living in the most fear regarding their sexuality that they only place they could try to hide was, in fact, in the heterosexual world even though they weren’t all that happy about having to be straight-acting…”

The fact that they even dare to assume that we – bisexuals – have some privilege continues to tell me that they’re among a group of people who, for reasons only God may know, continue to believe that people are either just straight or just homosexual, that someone couldn’t actually be both in some form or another, and that someone could never change their mind and make a decision (and you can damned well read that as meaning a choice) to shuck off their “current” sexual orientation and be bisexual… and simply because it suits their purposes in life to be bisexual.  It presumes, and incorrectly so, I might add, that someone who has lived their life with either same or opposite sex attractions just couldn’t possibly find a reason to develop attractions to the same and opposite sex in tandem… and since these folks have such a narrow view of the way things really work when it comes to humans, bisexuals are being accused of faking the funk and taking advantage of the “privilege” of heterosexuality which also incorrectly presumes that bisexuals are really homosexuals who don’t want anyone to know they’re really homosexuals.

Really?  I mean, really fucking really?  We – society – get our tits in a bunch about human rights and understandably, justifiably so given that so many people in the world continue to have their rights as a human being suppressed and just flat-out stomped on and the biggest one is our God-given right to live our individual lives as we see fit and without persecution.  If you believe this to be true, then bisexuals have that same God-given right to be both heterosexual and homosexual as they see the need to be… except we also live in a “majority-ruled society” that also believes that everyone has to be heterosexual and if you aren’t, well, your right to live your life the best way you can is null and void… and you only have to look at the way homosexuals have been treated to see and understand this.

I guess that there are some folks who just feel they have to invoke “misery loves company” because they’ve historically had so much trouble living in a predominantly heterosexual world and since this has been a pain in their collective asses for so long (figuratively speaking, of course), they find reason to want to drag bisexuals down right along with them and, oh, yeah, if they can also take a few transgender folks with them, so much the better.  They just can’t deal with the fact that someone like me is not only heterosexual and homosexual but one of my other default behaviors is being heterosexual and, oh, yeah, being heterosexual by default is a choice I made because it suits my purposes as I go about the pursuit of happiness and exercising my God-given right to live my life.  How fucking hard is it to understand this?  How damned difficult is it to accept this?  If those people – and they know who the fuck they are – think we have some kind of privilege that keeps us from being persecuted for our orientation, then why don’t they stop moaning and whining about what we naturally have and focus their thoughts on getting to where we, as bisexuals, have always been?

Oh, yeah, that’s right – that’s exactly what they’ve been doing for as long as I can remember, haven’t they… and it wasn’t until now that they’ve made any real progress toward that end but, comparatively speaking and with an eye on the grand scheme of things, nah, they’ve not really gotten as far as they’d like in their goal – nay, their need – to be treated just like everyone else which, unfortunately for them, is a problem that bisexuals have never had; we don’t have that problem because, again, for many of us, our default behavior is to be heterosexual… but we are far from being monosexual and, yeah, I can see how that can just stick in their collective craws.  By comparison, affirmative action was a privilege granted to minority groups because of the unfair treatment of said minorities and, yep, AA pissed a lot of people off – it still does and to the point where “charges” of reverse-discrimination abound due to this special right that was granted so long ago.  This was – is – some very messy shit; AA was enacted because minorities were being denied the equal rights granted to all Americans under the Constitution – it was supposed to right a long-standing wrong and, yep, even I took advantage of that special right so I could get on my feet and take care of myself and my family.

What does that have to do with anything?  Well, if you think about it – if you care to think about it – you can maybe see the word “privilege” in action and, perhaps, begin to understand that sexuality – and how we go about being straight, bi, or gay, isn’t a privilege; even if it cannot be agreed upon that our right to be whatever sexuality suits our purposes is a God-given right, as Americans, we do have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Even though we are guaranteed equality under the law, we also know that, um, we don’t give a fuck about the law, do we, because we continue to treat each other unequally all up and down the line and so, in a way, I can see and understand why there are some people out there who think that I, as a bisexual, have some privilege to be treated as a heterosexual even when I know I’m not… but it’s not a privilege, not by definition; I’m just able to exercise my “equal rights” better than someone who can’t because of our natural tendency to hate that which is different from us.

To those who still want to believe that we have some kind of privilege, I have this to say:  Don’t hate the player, hate the game; stop accusing us for having something that, in truth, we never had and, by all means, get your asses off your back because you think we have something that you want and you wanna believe we don’t deserve it and more so since you’re still having a hard time getting to where bisexuals have always been and, please, stop making your problems with this our problems.  Bisexuals have enough shit fucking with their heads without have this so-called straight privilege charge being levied on us, okay?  There are heterosexuals out there who are pitching a bitch about your so-called gay privilege, raising all kinds of hell because you are being granted rights that they don’t believe you’re entitled to since homosexuals are such soulless, godless, creatures; they feel that you are trampling on their right to be heterosexual as well as their right to believe that being heterosexual is the only true way to believe.  And I get it that this just fucks with you and, for a lot of you – and given my age and all that – I knew you were being fucked with about this before some of you were even born so you were always fighting an uphill battle… but that’s what happens when you show your face and paint a target upon yourselves – you get shot at and you will continue to be shot at until you are totally and utterly destroyed.

Unlike you folks – and, again, you know who you are – we are not hiding to avoid persecution, not like homosexuals have been persecuted.  You choose to be homosexual – and that is your right, in my opinion, but we choose to be bisexual and just the nature of what we are gives us a choice that you don’t have – we can be straight or gay as we see fit and if we choose to be more straight than gay, well, what’s the problem?  We’re just doing what we’ve always been able to do and, really, if we are hiding from anything, we’re staying under the radar so we won’t be mistaken for homosexuals and become subject to the same persecution you are bravely, valiantly, trying to get away from.

There is no straight privilege for us; we can’t be accused of “acting straight” because we are, in fact and in deed, straight… when we want and need to be… and homosexual, too.  You wanna fuck with us about this nonsense but what about all the homosexuals who have been acting straight and because they are trying to escape to escape persecution.  Fuck no… we’re not guilty of having that straight privilege… but some homosexuals are guilty of it, aren’t they?  What… y’all don’t wanna talk about that?  Why not?  Don’t get me wrong, I really do get why there are straight-acting gays; as far as society is concerned, you’re prey to be hunted and eradicated, terminated with extreme prejudice… but don’t you fucking dare accuse us of doing something “dishonest” when you’re the ones who, even by necessity, have been dishonest about your true identities in the sexuality world.

There is no fucking “straight privilege” we’re taking advantage of; you’re just miffed because we can do something you can’t do.  If you feel that we have some kind of privilege at work here in being straight, do we also have a “gay privilege” as well?  Can you point the finger at us for faking our homosexuality as easily as you point the finger at us for faking our heterosexuality?  Are we really faking any funk here… or are we, in fact, just doing what’s natural for us to do?  We have something you desperately want and need and, again, even I understand why you’ve been fighting this war for as long as you’ve been fighting it… but while I don’t know and cannot speak for other or all bisexuals, I am one – and likely one of many – bisexuals who fervently wish you’d stop trying to drag us into your war with heterosexuality; just stop fucking with us about this, will you?  Like I said, we have enough issues being bisexual so we sure the fuck don’t need any more shit piled onto us… and it ain’t even some shit of our own making.  Believe it or not, a lot of bisexuals – and this one included – are on your side as you fight for your rights to be treated equally; by some of y’all going out of your way to alienate us, well, you’re not helping your cause a whole lot, are you?

I just had the insane thought that if those folks – you fucking know who you are – feel that we have some kind of privilege, well, there’s a way you can have that same “privilege” you think we have:  Become bisexual!  But, ah, you’re not gonna do that, are you, and you won’t because – wait for it – you do have the right to be homosexual because it’s how you choose to live your lives that way and, at least here in the United States of America, that you have that right is, in and of itself, a privilege and one that cannot be easily had anywhere else in the world.

Thus endeth the rant…

 

Erase Me If You Can

Before I get into some more packing so we can get ready to move, I gotta say something about a blog I just read where the author opined that bisexuals have some kind of issue over being invisible and the blog included some YouTube videos that, I guess, address this so-called “problem” we have… and it made me roll my eyes heavenward and ask for some divine intervention to help these poor people who think that with their narrow worldview they can make bisexuals disappear as if we never existed.

Bisexuals are non-conformists; we don’t subscribe to being straight or gay which I suppose really upsets the current mindset about such things.  On the one hand, I’m glad that society has finally accepted that not everyone is straight and doesn’t want to be – it takes some of the pressure off of gay folks and this shows that, on the whole, we’ve become a bit more enlightened and we’re beginning to look at human sexuality in a non-prudish kind of way… except to keep insisting that we’re invisible or that we can’t exist is still, in my opinion, sheer lunacy.

I get that I’m probably older than a lot of the people making these assumptions and that I’ve probably been bisexual longer than some of them have been alive… and maybe even before their parents were born; it allows me – and since my eternal curiosity about being bisexual is responsible – to see bisexuality in ways that, perhaps, they cannot see in this period of time.  Like, I know there are bisexuals who prefer to remain hidden so that (a) they don’t get confused with being gay and (b) they don’t wind up pissing off a lot of people they’d rather not have angry with them.  So because I know this, that some bisexuals are invisible to society doesn’t surprise me; again, we’ve sat back in the cut and watched gay folks get their heads handed to them too many times for some of us to want to give up our invisibility or, really, to stop hiding in plain sight.

As far as I know, no one has been able to back up their claims that bisexuals don’t exist.  I mean, you can tell me this… but where’s your proof?  I know that I can prove that I’m bisexual although I seriously doubt that there are that many people who would be thrilled to see it, if ya know what I mean.  I’ve said it before:  If you want proof that I’m bi, let’s get some people together, men and women, and I’ll be happy to prove it to you since, for some reason, you’re not willing to take my word for it.

If you fucking think you can erase me, go for it; I’m pretty fucking sure that it cannot be done unless you try to assassinate me and even then, you might “erase” me but I’m not the only bisexual on the whole fucking planet, am I?  Y’all haters are gonna put out there that we’re concerned about our lack of visibility?  That’s bullshit to the nth degree and until the societies all over the planet learn to get their collective heads out of their collective asses about sexuality, visibility isn’t a concern.  Y’all know that I don’t give a fuck that you know I’m bisexual but not every bisexual is like me; it is what it is for me, I’m not ever gonna change it, and if you don’t like it, all you can do is not like it… but acting as if I don’t and can’t exist or that I have issues with my sexuality that I’ve never experienced isn’t ever going to do a damn thing except to get me writing about this craziness.

And all of this is because we don’t want to conform to the status quo, to be just straight or just gay?  We know – and because it’s been reported on so much – that the LGBTQ (or what-the-fuck-ever) community has some folks in their ranks that are spearheading the smear campaign against bisexuals but, in my experiences, that’s not all that unusual; I’ve had quite a few arguments with gay folks about being bisexual before any of this current shit came into existence… but in those arguments, none of my opponents ever suggested that I didn’t exist.  They’d argue that I’m really confused, in denial, the usual bullshit but, no, they never said that bisexuality never existed or accused us of being straight-acting which, by the way, is something they’ve been found guilty of and, again before any of this current shit came to be… and some of them are still straight-acting because, yeah, they know like bisexuals know:  Being seen as gay can be detrimental to your health in many ways.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…  The real question is:  When will this insanity end?  If science says we exist and there are bisexuals such as myself practically yelling and waving and saying that here we are – what’s the problem? – why is it that this evidence cannot be accepted?  My thought – and I commented on this on the blog I mentioned – is that the people who want to erase us or otherwise say we can’t and don’t exist actually don’t want us to exist… because we upset their view of life and the world at large by not being straight… but not being gay, either.  As a single bisexual, I don’t know what I can say or how many pussies I have to play with and how many cocks I have to suck in order to provide conclusive evidence that we exist, that we’ve always existed, and that we will continue to exist until, I guess, humans are wiped from the face of the planet.

And the fact that we do bothers the shit out of them.

Do we all have to step into the light and come out?  That would probably make someone really happy, even if it’s under the “know your enemy” doctrine.  But we don’t have to come out if we don’t want to and especially if coming out is going to be a detriment to us; like I said before, we’ve seen how unhealthy this can be thanks to all the gays who’ve gotten their asses kicked – literally and figuratively – for stepping into the open.  If it makes sense for us to come out and we feel that we’d be safe if we did, then we come out, either to everyone or to those select people… but if it doesn’t make sense and we’re not gonna feel safe, nope, uh-uh:  Ain’t gonna happen.

Globally, I can’t speak on how bisexuality is being accepted although I know that in some cultures, homosexuality can get you killed just on general principles.  Some things I’ve read from bisexuals in the UK indicate that at least in Europe, that society is behaving a lot better than our society here in the States which, again, I’ll point out is something that’s made us the laughing-stock of the world because of our prudish, immature, and childish behaviors when it comes to sex and things sexual… and that’s always pissed me off because as an American, I’d like to think that we’re better than that… but apparently not so much if people are running around believing that bisexuals don’t exist or that we’re in the midst of some social dilemma that we have to overcome.

And maybe, with all this dumb shit flying around, this is something that they’ve made into our problem to deal with and because they feel that we have to deal with it… and I say, now and forever more, fuck them.  Life’s complicated enough without a bunch of people wanting to make it even harder than it has to be.  Finally, here’s a question I’d love for our detractors to answer, if they can or even dare to:  If I’m not straight and I’m not gay but I like pussy and dick – men and women – what am I?

Erase me if you can.  I dare you.

 

Give Us a Fucking Break, Will Ya?

Bisexual Erasure – As Explained by Two Lesbians

I ran across this blog yesterday, which contains a video with two lesbians explaining why people don’t think bisexuals are real.  It’s been ‘festering’ inside my head and, well, I can’t begin to imagine what two lesbians would know about bisexuals seeing as how they’re not bisexual.  Okay, I understand that people can know a bisexual, can read all the shit that’s available about bisexuals and all of that… but here’s something that, I don’t know, seems to be kinda fucking obvious:  If you know a bisexual, have read the shit about bisexuals, then bisexuals are real – when are people gonna get this very obvious fact through their thick skulls?

I don’t personally care about some bunch of idiots trying to “prove” that I, as a bisexual, don’t exist; I know that I do and that I have for a long time.  I am concerned about other bisexuals, those folks who haven’t been around as long as I have and/or are new to being bisexual having to deal with this utter nonsense because it’s bad enough for some people have to fight with themselves about their feelings and thoughts about being bisexual – or may be being bi – but then they have to contend with this stupidity?

This is the kind of shit that should be summarily ignored but, at the same time, someone – or a bunch of someones – has to speak out against this lunacy and, if possible, try to get to the root of the problem and it seems to me, given all that I’ve been reading about this lately, that right at the root of this manic behavior are gay folks and, no, not all of them – let’s get that said and out of the way right up front.  It makes me wonder what faction of straight people are involved in this or if they even really and seriously give a fuck whether or not bisexuals are real.  Gays, on the other hand, seem to have a reason to bitch about our lack of visibility and, I will say stupidly, believe that if we – bisexuals – aren’t all out in the open like gays are, then we don’t exist.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?  Can you not get it through your head that there are a lot of us who don’t want to be all up in the public eye, that we’re happy being behind the scenes and that some of us have good reason to keep our sexuality under wraps?  Huh?  Why hate on us because we don’t have to go through the bullshit that gays have been putting up with for as long as I can remember?  You don’t like the fact that we can be both straight and gay and most of us chose to be straight right up until it’s time for us to do some gay stuff? Too fucking bad – get over it, will ya?  You want us to pick a side just because you don’t have another side to choose from?  That’s not our fault or problem – that’s the fucking decision you made for yourself and it’s also not our fault if you’re so narrow-minded and – yeah, I’m gonna say it – so damned ignorant that you cannot perceive there’s something between straight and gay… or that you’re so blind and perhaps even naive that you cannot even see the obvious – I’m sure that Stevie Wonder could see it.

I keep saying over and over:  Your problems are not our problems.  Sure, we have our own unique set of problem because we’re bisexual but visibility ain’t one of them; we don’t have to fight for our rights like gays have had to do and, no, it’s not as if all bisexuals are ignorant of what gays have been fighting for and some of us even sympathize with their cause, which has been making progress… but that’s still your fight because the only people who treat me differently because I’m bisexual are those people who don’t like the fact that I’m bisexual.  And, yeah, you bet your ass, this bisexual is thinking that we’re being hated on because we don’t have all that grief and that misery does, in fact, love company.

The haters need a reality check; they also need to be aware of what people will see about them as they continue to spew and spread biphobia – and none of it is good.  Your lack of intelligence and even common sense are showing and they’re pretty threadbare and, seriously, if there’s a faction of the gay community spreading this hatred, all you’re really doing is giving people a reason to keep on not liking you… and you should know, should have learned from history, that if you keep heaping prejudice onto someone, they will eventually reach a breaking point and then the shit’s gonna get very ugly… and history has also proven that this doesn’t always turn out very well.

I don’t know what the fuck these people are thinking about or why they’re even thinking about it; if there is a legit reason, I haven’t seen it yet so at least to me, this is some petty and childish bullshit being thrown our way and for no apparent reason other than a dislike of the fact that we exist and do so without having to deal with all that anti-gay shit.   I know a little something about being subjected to prejudice, to be seen as being less than someone who has lighter skin than I do and that’s a motherfucker to have to had lived through… and now this bullshit.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?