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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Experimentation

Hopefully, this scribble will be kinda short (but don’t hold your breath). So, it’s been well-known that youngsters experiment with sex despite admonishments to never experiment which, as parents usually learn, telling them not to means go ahead and do it. This scribble isn’t so much about whether young folks experiment – some do, some are too afraid of getting into trouble if they do so they don’t.

No, this is about that arbitrary line some folks draw between youthful experimentation and being of legal age to indulge themselves in sex and the perception that anything you might have done before being of legal age doesn’t count – it’s like whatever one experimented with never happened. It also begs the question of whether or not legal adults of any age can legitimately experiment since, again, we tend to agree that this is something the young and inexperienced tend to do.

It’s always baffled me why we act as if sexual experimentation never happened and makes me ask, “How is it possible for something to have happened but it didn’t?” In other things, it’s said that if you don’t write it down, it never happened and I’m thinking we have these thoughts because, in this case, writing it down is proof that whatever you’ve written down did, in fact, happen.

Where’s the “proof” in sexual experimentation? Certainly, unless someone keeps a journal and writes such things down, there is no tangible proof except the sure knowledge that one did experiment even if one isn’t of a mind to admit that they did – and provided, upon admission, the person you admitted it to believes that you did.

It amazes me how we just assume that if you’re below the age of, let’s say, 16, you have no idea what sex is, let alone how to do engage in it… except a lot of people are quite sexually active before getting anywhere near being 16 and by the time they do reach 16, they’re old hands at doing the nasty.

We also tend to hold true that when boys experiment – even with each other – it’s just boys being boys and some people are oddly surprised to learn that a guy didn’t do any experimentation at all. We’re expected to do it… and expected not to do it since, you know, we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing in the first place. Back in the day for me, it wasn’t like adults were actually going to tell you how to do the nasty, right? But, again, it gets figured out, doesn’t it, and it’s not as if adults don’t really know this – and especially if they did some experimenting themselves – but, I dunno, it’s like a very blind eye is turned and perhaps under the auspices of, “If I don’t know it happened, it didn’t happen.”

Humans are some very strange critters…

Boys do experiment with sex with each other; we fondle each other, give and get blow jobs (with or without that spunky discharge) and we fuck each other. Of course, not every young male gets into this but, again, it’s such a well-known fact that it’s easy to assume that we all do it and those who don’t are just an exception to the rule.

One of the fellas on the forum responded to a thread about being afraid to take the plunge and while he had some good things to say about this real-life topic, he got my attention by saying that he had experimented in his youth but didn’t want to take the plunge because it crossed a line and, upon seeing this, my first thought was, “Too late for that, ain’t it?”

We just see anything we may have done in our youth as being different than something we might do as an adult but whether you’re 14 or 44, sucking a dick is still sucking a dick… isn’t it? Some guys go as far to say that, sure, they experimented with cock sucking (the usual entry point in this) and they liked it but because it happened when neither guy was busting a nut, it kinda/sorta didn’t really happen and as if sperm – or the lack of it – changes the act itself… and an act that is still deemed to have never taken place once one becomes an adult.

I recall having a conversation with a guy a whole lot of years ago (like maybe thirty years ago or so) and we were talking about experimentation – how we got on the topic escapes me at the moment but he had asked me if I had experimented and I kinda laughed and said, “If you wanna call it that…” He admitted to have experimented and, well, that hadn’t really surprised me a whole lot but what got my attention was his assertion that what he did in his youth didn’t mean anything – it was like it never happened, which got me seriously thinking about this because, again, how is it possible for a guy to have done something at one point in his life but turn around later and act as if he didn’t do whatever he did… while admitting that he did?

What the hell’s going on here? Thirty or so years later, I’m still not 100% sure why we parse this in our minds the way we tend to do… but I know it’s a dodge, even a bit of an act of denial or perhaps drawing a hard line in the sands of our lives that says, “Just because I did this back when I didn’t know what I was doing doesn’t mean I would do that today.” And I actually had a guy tell me this exact sentiment, by the way.

What? Even if, by chance, ya had no idea what you were getting yourself into and doing before the fact, um, you sure as hell got a quick lesson on what you were doing and what you’d gotten yourself into. Okay, so you wouldn’t blow a guy today… but early on, you did blow a guy and probably more than once… and you’re gonna act as if it didn’t happen and the reason why it didn’t happen is because you were legally too young to really understand what you were doing?

I just don’t understand how this makes sense. I recall a bible passage that includes this: “When I became a man, I put away childish things” or something to that effect… but is learning about sex really a childish thing and if you learned about it early on, can you really just “put it away” and as if it was of no great consequence or import?

What’s really funny about this is when we experiment with sex with girls, we’re of a very different mind about it; not only did we do it to girls way back then but, ah, we’re often quite proud that we were doing it to them. Perhaps the ongoing angst against things homosexual is what makes some of us draw that line between “youthful debauchery” and adult intent and purpose and it’s just easier to justify this behavior by saying, “Well, I was young when I did this and didn’t know what I was doing…”

It happened… yet, it didn’t happen? It’s like Bill Clinton saying that he tried weed but he didn’t inhale – he still tried it, didn’t he and I’m pretty sure he was breathing at the time. As mentioned, some guys admit that they sucked a dick but because no cum was involved, nope, didn’t happen, nothing to see here – move along.

Is putting on the experimental label on this just a weird kind of justification and one that serves to make breaking the rules “okay” and no matter what the results of the experimentation were? And does being older totally negate the fact that one did experiment and, if so, just how the fuck does that work? If a guy started experimenting with guys and he’s still getting his freak on with guys – and regardless to frequency – is he still experimenting?

If a guy experimented back in the day, walked away from it, but is now returning to the party, can it be called an experimental phase? True enough, our entire lives can be seen as one great experiment if you wanna look at it like that so, in one sense, the experiment never ends until we end but in this, well, I admit to still being baffled by this mindset and how it seems to only apply to same-sex stuff.

The great “unknown” thing: Do girls experiment with other girls? It stands to reason that they do or, as I like to say, do you really believe that when girls have sleepovers, all they’re doing is talking and sleeping? The thing with women I’ve observed is if they admit to some, ah, girlish experimentation, they just take it in stride and in the sense of, okay, yeah, I checked it out and now it’s just a matter of whether or not they’d ever check it out again – it’s no big deal; it happened so let’s just keep it moving forward.

So perhaps men – and due to the implied and imposed shame of having sex with each other – are just “in the habit” of saying that they did experiment but it didn’t happen? If this sound really fucking weird to you, it’s because it is really fucking weird. Yes – just because you did something then doesn’t mean you’d do it in the here and now… doesn’t change the fact that you did it. What, because no spunk was involved and there was no “finish” in that sense, does it mean that whatever was done really didn’t happen?

Again, that guy said he’d not be willing to take the plunge because he didn’t want to cross a line… but a line he did cross when he “experimented” with sucking cock and mutual masturbation with another guy.

Man… I don’t know what to say about this except that it’s a damned peculiar sense of perception for someone to have done some same-sex experimentation in their youth and then, as an adult, chalk it up to a non-event – like it never happened… except they know it did because, um, weren’t they there when they were doing whatever they did? Does it really matter if they liked whatever happened or found it not to their liking? And does the outcome really negate the fact that it did, in fact, happen?

The thing is that if one experimented, eh, no one is really gonna kick your ass about it because boys will be boys, after all, and regardless to whether or not the experimentation happened because of curiosity, out of control and raging hormones, or even peer pressure. Why? You were young and dumb, didn’t know what you were doing and, well, such things do happen but since you’re an adult now, you’re forgiven for any experimentation and, I know I’m repeating myself, let’s just say that what you did never happened, okay?

It’s crazy. I asked a guy once why he thought that his, um, experiments with dick didn’t have any meaning as an adult… and he couldn’t explain it except to say that what he did then had no bearing on what he’s doing now, which makes sense except, ah, you can’t undo something you’ve already done except to mindfuck yourself into believing that you really didn’t do what you damned well know you did. Even crazier, it’s a thing that men, in particular, have always done in the majority of times and, I still don’t know, maybe it “didn’t happen” because not too many men are willing to say that it did? If a non-event is invoked because it cannot be proven that the event took place, how does a guy who was involved in the event figure that it didn’t happen because, again, wasn’t he there when it did? Or is it just easier on one’s sensibilities to make such a distinction of a non-event and blame any “wrongdoing” on youthful experimentation?

And experimentation that we’re not supposed to engage in but are also expected to engage in?

Beats me – I’m gonna go watch some football now.

 
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Posted by on 22 December 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Getting Adjusted

Newly minted bi guys have a lot to get adjusted to beginning with these “odd” feelings they’ve been having about this and it’s a lot to think about up to and including what, if anything, they can – or want to – do about this. For guys who went through that “experimental phase,” one can say it’s like riding a bike and, for the most part, any adjustments they have to make are along the lines of remembering how to do something they haven’t done in a long time as well as adjusting to, let’s say, the current mindset – could be a “problem,” might not be so much of one.

For those guys who have determined that taking the plunge is now a high-priority action item, we once again find them in that curious situation where they know what it is they want to experience… but they kinda/sorta don’t know because, duh, seeing it in some form is one thing but doing it yourself just might be a tad bit different.

If the thing you want to experience is having a guy suck your dick, you’d think there wouldn’t be much of an adjustment to be made… except a lot of guys seem to think there’s something different going on when it’s a guy doing it as opposed to a woman doing it; of course, there’s no real difference except who’s doing it. But since they’ve never had a guy do it, it makes the moment quite surreal and some mental adjustment is called for.

If the thing you want to experience is fucking a guy in his properly prepared ass, it’s not always the no-brainer one might think it is and the biggest adjustment is knowing that you’re about to turn a one-way street into a two-way street, to be polite. In this, I think some guys refer to the visual that porn provides but not so much what it takes to get one’s dick into what’s usually a very tight place, that and some guys find that while their mind is all for poking the other guy in the butt, um, his dick ain’t so willing to buck traffic, as it were and the end result is them losing their erection the moment they attempt penetration; some guys experience this same phenomenon when putting on a condom and I’ve never pretended to understand why this happens – I just know it does.

Some guys have managed to get it done and now have to adjust to a sense of feeling dirty, which isn’t that surprising given where his dick was a little while ago; some adjust well, many take longer to adjust.

One adjustment that has to be mentioned – and before I forget – is going on the prowl for men which, in most cases, requires a different approach than chasing skirts does and how much of an adjustment is needed here depends on how successful a guy is… or not, and some guys have a problem adjusting to a man’s no-nonsense approach to wanting to throw it down or they find themselves having to adjust to men who want to do it but just aren’t gonna make it easy for it to happen.

If the thing you want to experience is sucking cock, whew, really big adjustment here. This is one of the things guys like to do that makes some guys feel… girly and, of course, I say this without any offense to women but it’s been well-established that if you want your dick sucked, you need a woman to do it so for a guy to find himself on the verge of sucking his first dick, feeling girly is a knee-jerk reaction… and despite the fact that it’s equally well-known that women don’t have a monopoly on sucking dicks.

As I’ve mentions hundreds of time, making this adjustment can be daunting because, weirdly, a first time cock sucker knows what to expect and has no idea what’s gonna happen just like they don’t know that putting your mouth on another guy’s dick is one thing but how the other guy is gonna react to all of this is something else and is usually the reason why some guys decide that they don’t like sucking dick.

And, yeah, they also learn why some women would prefer not to suck dick and all because the receiver makes the experience a bad one for them.

Of course, there’s that whole “acquired taste” thing that requires some adjustment to and like anything else about sex, one either takes it in stride and moves forward or they wind up readjusting their thoughts about how much fun it isn’t to get a mouthful of cum and should be avoided at all costs if they choose to continue being a cock sucker.

If the thing you want to experience is getting screwed, even bigger adjustment than sucking dick for the first time because anyone who goes for this experience already knows that it’s gonna hurt going in and since this is pretty much a given, adjusting one’s mind to not being overly concerned about this takes some doing. But for a lot of guys, getting it stuck in isn’t the seriously big adjustment:

It’s that girly feeling that takes a lot to wrap one’s mind around because, again, it’s well-known that women are the only creatures who are supposed to be on the receiving end of a hard dick… and in the face of the fact that this ain’t the reality of it all. Some guys find it to be a delightful sensation since it clashes with what it means to be masculine (and I mean “real men” should never get fucked in the ass) while some guys get so overwhelmed with the girly feeling that they’re not really paying attention to the guy fucking them and, again, because it clashes with what it means to be masculine.

If that girly feeling doesn’t hit them right away, it will show up at some point after the fact and it can be a motherfucker to wrap your head around and more so when you realized that, um, you actually did like being boned, which also requires some adjustment.

Another non-sexual adjustment is having to deal with the fact that instead of being the hunter – and as a guy would be when it comes to women – you can still be a hunter… but now you’re also prey as there are a whole lot of guys out there who want to have biblical knowledge of you and, at times, outside of your newly developed preferences. Guys have to adjust themselves to being chased by horny men, adjust to being seduced and, yes, adjust to being bullshitted to the nth degree since, you know, men are infamous for telling the people they wanna have sex with anything they think is needed to hear in order to get them naked and handle their business.

It’s at this point where yet another adjustment is called for, that being, getting one’s head around the fact that they’re now being subjected to the hunt and in the same way we often foist upon women – and now one has a better understanding of why women behave the way they do when someone is trying to get into their panties.

What makes all of these adjustments difficult is that most guys are totally and completely unaware of the fact that there are things they’re gonna have to adjust to… and a lot of those adjustment don’t have shit to do with having sex – but those adjustments still have to be made and they’re not always easy to make.

And that includes making adjustments to deal with the, “What did I just do?” moment.

 
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Posted by on 21 December 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What to Do?

There are a lot of things that frustrate the hell out of guys who discover that, um, they have a thing about other guys that just turns them on. First, they have to get over the fact that they have a bad case of “dick on the brain,” try to figure out why they have a bad case of this and then figure out what it is they want to do about it.  Now, before I get into this, I wanna put right up front that not all guys realize this about themselves and immediately run out to start chasing dick; some guys, after careful consideration and thought decide that the best thing for them to do is… nothing.  They’re happy to accept this aspect of themselves and once accepted, no further action is required.

But that ain’t every guy.

I don’t know how many guys I’ve talked to over the years who’ve said that they don’t understand why “all of a sudden” they’ve got this incredibly intense urge to run out and hunt for dick and, to be honest, I’ve known about this but I’ll be damned if I know why it happens and, at the moment, I can’t think of an apt analogy to this particular thing.  Once a guy gets to the “what am I gonna do” part of this, there are some who know exactly what they want to do while others kinda spin around in circles trying to decide which M2M thing they might want and like to do.  Some guys have admitted that once they’ve been bitten by the “dick bug,” they start watching gay porn and, like other forms of porn, it comes in almost every imaginable flavor; while I’d not recommend gay porn as an M2M primer or “this is how you do it” kind of thing, sure, a guy itching to dive right on in there can, at the very least, see what two guys can do to, with, and for each other… and in high-definition.

In my observations, there often seems to be a… progression at work in many cases that often starts with just getting comfortable being naked around other men and, yeah, while checking out junk and butts.  You’d think that men would just be comfortable being naked around each other… and you’d be wrong about that so this alone can be a huge hurdle for a newbie bi guy to leap. A lot of guys start with what I call the minimum entry-level – mutual masturbation.  This is when two guys whip out the weenies in front of each other and each guy jerks himself off and this, all by itself, can be pretty exciting as well as freaking some guys off; it’s one thing to see your own dick, another thing to see dicks on a screen when watching porn, something else to be standing next to a guy who’s playing with his dick and, oh, yeah, he’s watching you just as much as you’re watching him.

See, when it comes to what to do, some guys ask, “How hard can it be?” – then find out exactly how hard it can be and most guys do get a hard-learned lesson in thinking not being the same thing as doing.  Anyway…

The secondary aspect of mutual masturbation is to literally reach out and give the other guy a hand and he’s doing the same for you.  Again, it’s one thing to handle your own junk but now someone else wants to handle it?  Most guys can’t visit the doctor and go through the classic “ball check” without getting so nervous they might soil themselves but, holy shit, the guy you’ve chosen to do this with has his hand wrapped around your junk and yanking on it!  Some guys are happy to get to this point and stop right there and I’ve heard some guys say that they stop at this point because masturbation isn’t really a gay thing to do and even if two guys are giving each other a hand.  But, as one guy asked me (way back in the day), “How can you jerk a guy off and not want to suck his dick?”

How indeed!  If two guys enter the game at the masturbation level and, for the sake of this scribble, these two guys have been getting together and doing this for a while, it just stands to reason that somewhere along the line, someone’s gonna start entertaining the thought of, “I wonder what his cock tastes like?”  Ya might think I’m pulling your leg but you gotta know that I’ve been through this with a lot of guys and have seen this “sudden transition” to the next thing too many times to bullshit anyone about it.  So even if a guy has decided that he doesn’t want to experience cock sucking, that doesn’t mean that the thought won’t cross his mind… and it’s not as if a guy can’t change his mind about that because, in some weirdly logical process, if you’re gonna jerk another guy’s cock, well, why not make it even more interesting by sucking on it?

Yes, some guys bypass mutual masturbation and go right for cock sucking and while at the individual level guys have varied reasons for using this as their entry point, I don’t know too many guys who have seen themselves being sucked or have watched it via porn and not wonder what it’s like to do that – doesn’t matter if the guy has decided that he’s not gonna do it or not because, at the very least, he did think about it.  Yes, some guys watch porn (of any kind) and decide that the cock sucking scenes are just too hot and fascinating not to give it a try… but, yeah, guys can be very damned leery about doing this because, again, it’s one thing to think about doing it and something extremely different when there’s a dick, already hard or not, waiting for you to give it some oral attention.  Yes, some guys get to this moment of truth and find that they just can’t bring themselves to do it… and some guys just say, “Fuck it…” and swoop down and start sucking before they can change their minds.

Cock sucking is an acquired taste and I’m talking about beyond the, um, usual thing people say about it.  I’ve often found it interesting that there are a lot of guys who don’t give much thought to what a woman is experiencing when she goes down on him but now that he’s the one doing it, whew!  Your senses kick into overdrive and experiencing touch, taste, sight (which is kinda overwhelming at first and why some guys close their eyes and keep them closed), smell and even hearing the other guy moaning appreciatively can be one hell of a rush and one that can be encouraging… or it can trigger a built-in reminder that, um, you know you’re not supposed to be doing this, don’t you?  True enough, a lot of guys try it (and more than once) and find it not to their liking for a lot of reasons but, I think, mostly because it’s such a weird thing to find one’s self doing… and some guys (and I’d even say most guys) realize that, hey, you know something?  This ain’t as bad as I thought it would be!  And, yup, some guys realize this and turn into cock sucking fiends because the other thing they realize is that sucking another guy’s cock didn’t instantly and automatically make them gay.  Many men get to this point and stop right there…

And some guys take it to the next (and maybe final) level:  Anal sex.  We’ve probably all heard that when two guys hook up for sex, they’re fucking each other in the ass like there’s no tomorrow; we’ve also heard that, er, um, damn – that shit hurts like a motherfucker!  It is true that guys do fuck each other… but not all men can do it or want to have it done and what most people don’t know is that some guys will give it a try either way and, wow, it’s just too damned weird – or feels way too gay – for it to be a fun thing to do.  It’s true that some guys go into M2M sex because they want to be fucked and, again, I don’t know of too many guys who have, at the least, wondered what it feels like to be fucked.  Yes, yes… we can get all into the other issues about doing this but I’m not talking about that.  It’s a really strange mechanism and one that, like so many aspects of this, I don’t pretend to fully understand and, once more, I don’t know how many times I’ve been with a guy, we’ve agreed to spend some time blowing each other and then, in the middle of it all, someone says, “Stick it in me!” or after dicks have gotten soft, I’ve had the other guy say to me, “You know, for a moment, I wanted you to fuck me – ain’t that weird?”

Um, no, not really but, again, don’t ask me why because I really don’t know and even when I’ve been the guy who wanted the other guy to stick it in and even if he can’t get it in, dude, just get on top of me and hump me – that’ll work.  Indeed, the perception is that all men who have sex with men go for penetrative anal sex at every turn; the truth is, nah, not always.  Some guys don’t want to take the risks involved but, you know something?  There’s a way you can fuck me without sticking it in me – it’s called frotting or intercrural – and for a lot of guys, yes, sir, this fits the bill quite nicely and, oh, yeah, neatly bypasses that painful sticking it in part because for some, you don’t have to get anywhere near their asshole for this to be incredibly pleasing.

When we get into the top/versatile/bottom thing, this is simply guys finding their niche in this whole M2M thing although in these roles, there are some… expectations.  Tops – allegedly – don’t suck dick but they get sucked and do all of the fucking; bottoms may or may not want to be sucked (and, oddly, many don’t and, please, don’t ask me why because I don’t know) but are the ones to do all the sucking and getting fucked while versatile guys, well, they don’t care which role they’re in as long as some sex is happening.

We spend a lot of time on what two guys do when they get naked and not a whole lot of time thinking about why these two guys are doing whatever they’re doing.  Some guys pick an entry-level point and, as I’ve said, don’t go beyond that point while some guys do, in fact, go for all of it and in line with the perceptions we have about this kind of sex.  Public opinion would have you believe that all bisexual men are careless and just down right dangerous because they fuck each other…  but what they don’t know is that while anal sex is (and has been) an option, most guys would prefer to hook up with another guy and do something other than fuck – some mutual masturbation and cock sucking because, if nothing else, these two things in particular reduces the risks that are inherent with anal sex… and these two things are a lot less painful because, yeah, sure, it does hurt going in, ya know?

 
 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Do… or Do Not…”

Fans of the “Star Wars” movies will recognize these words uttered by Jedi Master Yoda and for some bi guys who are waffling about doing the deed with another guy or not, the full quote is quite applicable.  If you remember, Luke Skywalker said that he couldn’t, that it was too big/heavy/whatever and Yoda looked at him with great sadness (for a puppet) and said, “This is why you fail.”

For decades, I’ve seen or heard of guys driving themselves crazy over the decision to do… or do not.  On the one hand, they very much want to do it; just the thought of doing it is eating them alive on the inside and they know that until they do, they’re just not ever gonna be right with themselves… but.  It’s always tickled me that when a guy is trying to make this decision, he usually comes up with more reasons why he shouldn’t – or can’t – do it.  It is not to say that some reasons lack legitimacy, like the guys who want to do it but are with a woman and they’d prefer that she not find out about this or the guys who are of a mind that if they even touch another man’s cock, they will immediately become infected with something.

I’ve heard guys say that they’re leery about sucking a dick because they don’t wanna get fucked in the ass, making me wonder a couple of things, like, what does the one thing have to do with the other and where’d they get the impression that if you suck a dick, you have to be fucked by that dick?  I’ve even heard guys say that they can’t make the decision one way or the other because they don’t know if they’re gonna like it; this is understandable because it’s not simple to determine that you’re gonna like something that you’ve never done; I’ve heard some guys say that they think it’ll be as enjoyable as they’ve imagined but there’s a lot of uncertainty going on.

Rarely have I heard/seen a guy say that he can’t do it because he’s afraid that he will like it and out of all the reasons I’ve heard to do not, this one is probably the most honest I’ve ever heard and more so when it stands to reason that if you do it and you like it, there’s no telling how things will go in the imaginable future.  Some guys say that they’re not only worried about what others would say and think just as they are worried about whether doing it is going to make them homosexual, you know, like you can catch “gay” like you can catch a cold.

On the bi guy forum I frequent – and probably on other such forums – a lot of men ask what it’s like to have sex with another man, from hand jobs to anal sex; those experienced in these things will share what it’s like for them, which can be helpful but in reality not so much because just because “Mike” said sucking a dick was the worst experience he ever had does not mean that it will be like that for anyone else.  If “Eric” shares that feeling a hard dick worming its way into his butt was the most incredible pain he’s ever felt, well, um, yeah it’s like getting a tattoo for the first time:  It’s gonna hurt.  Guys ask for this information and get it and while some decide to do not, some are still on the fence about whether or not doing will be a good thing for them.

Some guys want to do… under what I’d call some impossibly controlled conditions and it’s been my opinion for the longest time that some men go to great lengths to set conditions that they know can never be met, insuring that even though they very much want to do, they won’t be able to – they’ve made sure that they won’t be able to do.  I want to back up a little and revisit guys being worried about what others will say and think and ask a question:  Um, if you do, who’s gonna know other than yourself and the guy you did it with?  True enough, you can do it and someone might notice there’s something “different” about you and might even mention it and now it’s a matter of whether or not you can (or want to) tell them that you just did it with a guy.  Given that most men aren’t likely to confess such a thing, such inquiries are easy to wave off and plausibly so.  It just makes me wonder what goes through a guy’s mind and this particular thing is what’s giving him fits when deciding to do or do not because unless you tell someone – or the other guy goes on Facebook and tells everyone that he did you, it’s unlikely that anyone will find out that you did anything.

Some guys balk on the decision to do or do not by creating scenarios, like, what if I’m sucking his cock and he cums in my mouth?  I’ve even seen/heard guys ask, “What if we’re blowing each other… and all of a sudden he wants to fuck me (or I want to be fucked)?”  For those guys whose main concern is looking at a man’s dick and getting HIV/AIDS just by seeing it – and if you think this sounds silly and exaggerated, trust me when I say it isn’t – it’s like it just doesn’t occur to them that to avoid this, uh, um, use condoms.  Some guys will say that they want to experience cock in the raw – sucking or fucking – but they don’t wanna catch something and the obvious and safest choice is to not do it in the raw.

Duh.

Those of you who have been following me and these scribbles have seen me write that we should not let our fears make us foolish but in the decision time to do or do not, we do let our fears drive the car.  It’s in our nature to be afraid of something we don’t know anything about but these days you can watch guys doing it to each other and in about every way imaginable and you can talk to guys who’ve done it and no matter if they liked it or not.  There are ways to answer the questions your fears pose but at the end of the day, you still have to be able to set those fears aside so you can do… or continue to listen to your fears and do not.  A lot of guys get to what I call the “fuck it” moment.  Those guys get to a point where doing or not doing cannot be resolved; sometimes the moment is they’re talking to a guy before the fact and whether or not this guy can be trusted to treat you right cannot be determined – and neither can any other concerns and the guy will say to himself, “Fuck it…” go meet the other dude and whatever happens, happens.  Some guys find themselves in the moment of truth; you’re either going to do something with the hard dick you know is waiting for you to do something with it or you won’t… and the guy in this moment will say – and sometimes aloud, “Fuck it…,” lower his head and suck that dick or wrap his hand around it and start jerking on it or, yeah, even allow himself to be lubed up, penetrated, and inseminated with or without a condom.

It’s not that guys faced with this kind of decision, again, don’t have legit concerns as far as it goes for them.  But it remains true that if you do nothing, none of those concerns can ever be realized while, at the same time, If you do something, those concerns may never surface.  It comes down to this:  If you do not believe that you can do this – and no matter how it turns out – if you want to do this, you will always fail to do this.  Guys will say that they want to suck cock and I will ask them what’s stopping them and, to date, I’ve not heard one guy say, “I don’t know…” but I’ve heard and seen them come up with a laundry list of reasons why they can’t bring themselves to do it including it being determined that they’re lousy at sucking cock… but how can you be lousy at doing something you can’t bring yourself to do?  It’s about conquering your fears and being confident in yourself that no matter what it is you’re deciding to do, you’re gonna give it your best shot.  Some guys ask, “What if I cum too soon?”  Well, what if you do?  It happens just like it happens that some guys are unable to cum – but not because the other guy is bad at sucking dick but because they’ve stressed themselves so much about this that they couldn’t cum even if they wanted to.

Do… or do not; there is no try.  It’s the hardest decision a bisexual man has to make for himself, not just for his first time but for any future times.  We play the “what if” game with ourselves and at some point, it all boils down to one simple thing, that being, if you don’t do it, you’ll never know how it’s gonna turn out.  If you do go ahead and do it, well, yeah, you gotta deal with the consequences of your actions and whatever they may be – and that includes dealing with the consequence that you did it… and nothing bad happened.

 
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Posted by on 3 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Once Bitten

As someone who has given guys their first M2M experience, one of the – I guess – scariest moments is watching to see how he’s reacting to the moment; I’ve seen guys just freak out and have panic attacks, throw up, start crying, etc.  But today, I’m not talking about those moments – I got to thinking about being able to witness the moment when the other guy realizes that having another guy playing with his dick and making him cum isn’t a bad as he’d heard and/or thought it would be.

I’ve talked with so many guys about their first time and while some guys were like, bleh, it wasn’t all that for them, many – and I do mean many – more have shared that once things got going, the experience was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Those guys have shared – and I have personally heard – things like, “What was I afraid of?” or “Why didn’t I do this before now?” along with expressing an even greater desire to do it again and the sooner, the better.  In after-action conversations, some guys have said that it took them a while to process what happened, which makes sense because the moment you decide to “cross the line” and actually do something, shit yeah, there’s a lot to think about, from deciding whether or not they really did like it and, what I’d call kinda typical, if that means they’re gay – either because they liked whatever went down or because they did [whatever] at all.

Some guys admit that the moment things got going, they were hooked and any thoughts after the fact only serve to confirm things.  On the bi guy forum, a lot of guys talk about their first time and many have said that they went from being very nervous to, “Holy shit, that was the best thing I’ve ever done!”  For some, that first experience was the realization of some long-held personal beliefs, you know, they’ve been wanting to experience this and they’ve finally gotten the chance to do so while other guys have found themselves in that moment and, yeah, holy shit… what a rush!

A lot of guys experience what I call the “kid in a candy store” moment; they’ve “discovered” this amazing thing about sex and a thing that, for them, is no longer a rumor or urban myth and for a period of time, they just gotta do it as often as they can manage; I don’t know how many guys I’ve directly spoken with about their bad case of “candystoreitis,” but I get a kick out of listening to them describe their feelings and thoughts right along with asking, “Is this normal for me to want to do it as much as possible?”

Yeah, it’s quite normal; you’ve found out that this very bad thing guys aren’t supposed to do with each other isn’t as bad as you thought it was and that even when you had an idea of what was about to go down – and I mean that literally, too – your imagination can’t compare to what actually happened.  You see, when a guy finds out that doing something with another guy didn’t kill him and, importantly, didn’t make him gay, that’s one hell of a revelation and for some guys it’s quite an epiphany.  I know there’s a lot of mental readjusting going on in the background because, sure, ya just found out that everything you were taught or told about this isn’t exactly true.  So, yeah, sure, it makes sense to want to do it again to find out if that first time was a fluke or to even confirm that, wow, that was amazing.

My favorite candystoreitis “victims” are those guys who, before the fact, said that they’ve never been able to cum when a woman is giving them head… then a guy gives them head… and they wind up busting a nut, some rather quickly, some “unexpectedly” as it were.  It’s difficult not to laugh at them when seeing the look of utter surprise on their face and a look that asks, “What just happened?”  So, uh-huh, if you’re a guy who has never busted one due to oral sex (or wasn’t allowed to), you can get it in your head that it’s not gonna happen until you get a guy sucking you and one whose main purpose for eating your dick is to entice you to crack your nuts wide open… because it’s just a damned fun and exciting thing to do.  It’s one thing to experience having a guy blow you… and something else to find yourself doing the cock sucking.  While some guys have, um, mixed thoughts and feelings about being in that moment (to be polite for a moment), some guys say to themselves, “Fuck it…” and do the “unthinkable…” and find out that sucking on another guy’s prick – and whether he cums or not – is some pretty heady stuff (and the pun is intended).

They find that sucking a dick didn’t make them gay at all and that there’s something quite pleasing about working a dude’s dick over.  If they induce the other guy to cum, it’s not a given that they’re gonna taste it and then have to deal with that acquired taste thing as much as it can be one hell of a rush to entice another guy to unload his balls.  Some guys do find that they can, um, acquire the taste while some aren’t big fans but it’s about using one’s mouth and hand to literally make the other guy lose it and even I have an interesting time trying to explain what that feels like other than it’s insanely pleasing.

Some guys go from, “I still don’t believe I did that!” to “I can’t wait to do it again!”  It’s not so much a thing as proof of concept (as mentioned before) but simply because it can be one hell of a sexual rush once a guy gets bitten.  They’ve done something that’s quite taboo; they’ve done something that prior to doing it, they’ve only heard about or perhaps even seen via the plethora of “gay” porn available on the Internet.  They’ve maybe even done something that before they did it, they couldn’t even imagine themselves doing or having a reason to do.  Again, it didn’t kill them, didn’t instantly transform them into a flamboyantly gay man and despite some nervous moments before the fact, damn, it wasn’t bad at all.

And now they cannot wait until the next opportunity comes along so they can do it again.  True enough, life can get in the way of repeat performances and make it difficult for a guy to experience this amazing sex act again – that’s just the way things are; but for many guys, once bitten…

 
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Posted by on 16 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “So Now…”

…that you’ve promised not to tell if they won’t, what’s next?  Well, that depends on whatever the oath of secrecy was invoked for, from something simple as “I’ll show you mine and you show me yours” to, um, things that are, ah, more involved up to and including touching, tasting, and inserting.

Growing up, the main – and probably only reason – to invoke the oath was to satisfy that curiosity about the sex thing and more so – and as I’ve said hundreds of times – when you were told that boys ain’t supposed to do that shit with each other… even if, historically, it’s just boys being boys and an almost instinctive response to that incredible rush of hormones that’ll hit us like the proverbial Mack truck.  It has nothing to do with the things that become important to us when we reach adulthood; nope, this is all about finding out why boys shouldn’t do it to/with other boys as well as why this is such a horrific thing to do.

Even as adults, we will invoke the oath – and not because someone is literally beat us until sitting down becomes an impossibility but because some people don’t want to understand why a guy surrounded by a plethora of pussy would want to play with another guy’s dick and they tend to make one’s life as miserable as possible for a major rules violation doing this.  Ah, but when younger…

It’s both scary as anything experienced to date and more exhilarating than waking up Christmas morning and finding more shit with your name on it than your young mind could comprehend.  Pants and underwear get pulled down and taken off and, yep, the other guy has some stuff between his legs that’s similar to what you have between your legs so now it’s about doing whatever invoking the oath entailed, from reaching out and touching it to putting it in your mouth… and if you’ve already done these things before – and chances are good that between the two of you, this isn’t the first time the oath has been invoked – it’s about climbing on top of each other and “doing the nasty” until it feels really good and strange… or something happens that seems to always make you feel like you’re about to die and all that yellow-white stuff makes an appearance.

Such things are about as wrong as anything can get – or so we were told, anyway, but when the oath has been invoked the participants know they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing even though, ahem, it really, really feels good to be doing such a bad thing.  If you’ve done it to girls (not an easy thing to do) you kinda innately understand that doing it to a boy isn’t all that different – that stick it in someplace and move up and down thing works on both, just like having someone put your thing in their mouth and sucking on it isn’t very different from when a girl does it (and good luck to you if you can get her to do that).  It’s that sex thing that grownups repeatedly tell us that we should not ever do until, one, we’re grown up enough to do and, two, only when we really care about or love someone – and, preferably, a girl.

But because we’ve invoked the oath and specifically for the reason to find out about this sex thing, one, we must obviously be old enough to do it even if we don’t truly understand what we’re doing and, two, well, dude, I like you and all that… and let’s leave it at that and do this again.  And we can do this again… because I won’t tell if you won’t is still in effect.  In those younger days – and especially if you grew up in the times that I did – the next worst thing than getting caught doing it to each other was finding out that you didn’t keep your promise to not tell anyone what you did with each other.  In the adult world, such a betrayal can have catastrophic consequences but in the younger areas of operation, at the least, you’ll lose a friend or, at the worst, get into a fight… or even worse, now you gotta find someone else to do this with and with the hope that, unlike that other snitch, the next guy you invoke the oath with won’t go running around telling everyone they come across that the two of you did something that you weren’t supposed to do, let alone know about.  Finding someone who won’t snitch might be difficult and you’ll most certainly wind up getting your head handed to you at every turn by your peers who can be quite ruthless and without mercy… then again, having that oath broken might also get you a lot of attention, too, and from other guys who have their own curiosity about why boys should never do it to boys and, really, is there such a thing as too much investigation into this?

Nah… not really.

In the adult world, such discretion is taken as a given and goes without saying although some guys who have much to lose if anyone else finds out, will point out that, um, it wouldn’t go well for them if word of what’s about to happen should get out to the wrong people.  It’s considered to be a great breach of etiquette to kiss and tell but, as mentioned yesterday, there are ways to do this without getting into specifics that might reveal the other guy’s identity and, besides, when you’ve done this, wow, it’s almost like you just gotta tell someone about it… provided there’s anyone you could tell, that is.  Along with “I won’t tell if you won’t,” we also invoke “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and the variant of even if you ask, I’m still not telling.  But just as in the younger iterations of this, once the oaths have been given and accepted, it’s all about doing whatever was negotiated for and, hopefully, not giving much thought to the shit storm that could possibly crop up if those wrong people find out that you just spent the last half-hour – or more than that – getting your rocks off with another guy.

Cityman said to me, “It would be easier on us if everyone would stop being prudes and just accept the fact that men having sex with other men is a natural thing to do.  If only we could be more open about it…”  And he’s right even though we continue to have this angst and in the face of the obvious fact that men have sex with other men whether they’re gay or bisexual.  But until we can get our heads out of our respective asses about this, invoking “I won’t tell if you won’t” remains a necessity.  It just wouldn’t go over well for a guy who’s respected in his community and by his peers to learn that one of his favorite things to do is to dress up in lingerie and spend some time on his knees sucking cock and being gleefully sodomized and inseminated, would it?  When you’re much younger, peer respect and establishing your own reputation, wow, I just cannot express how important that is so, nah, it’s not gonna help your rep if your peers find out that while you’re known to chase skirts to the ends of the earth, you’re not exactly opposed to swallowing a load of spunk, putting a load into some dude’s butt, or taking a load yourself.  It’s just not gonna look good for anyone else to discover that one of your favorite things to do with other guys is to get together with a bunch of them so they all can fuck you… and because that just thrills you to no end and part of that thrill is that you ain’t supposed to be doing that shit in the first place.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies… and if you won’t tell anyone that I’d love it if we could get naked and suck each other’s dick until we both cum, I won’t tell anyone either…

 
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Posted by on 4 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Stuck in Place

Not much activity on the bi guy forum but when checking out a new comment made to an existing thread, my attention was caught by something the guys said, that being along the lines that he wanted to avoid romantic entanglements with men and inadvertently leading them on… but he also wanted to avoid the quick, NSA hookup that he has issues with and, as such, he’s looking for a FWB to have his first experience with a man.

As I’ve been writing here of late, one of the things I think about seems to be a universal kind of question asked by these men in particular and, perhaps, by other bi guys everywhere:  “Why can’t I find a guy to have sex with?”

Those of you who have been following me might remember that one of the things I say about this – and sex in general – is that it seems to me that we make this more difficult and complicated than it has to be.  Yes, it’s a purely defensive measure and in line with Rule Number One:  Look after your own ass first.  Or, to swipe something from fighting sports, protect yourself at all times.  The problem isn’t that there aren’t like-minded men from coast to coast, border to border; I’m thinking that in the United States, it’s probably statistically impossible that there’s anywhere in this country where there are no bisexual men or even homosexual men who want to have sex man to man.  It’s understood that the development of personal sexual preferences are a major requirement… but what might not be understood is that the more you set conditions and narrow down those preferences, that doesn’t make having sex easier:  It makes it harder to accomplish.

When you have guys saying what this guy did on the site, he’s put himself in the worst possible situation and more so if his requirements for the ideal FWB as been welded firmly in place:  Whatever he wants to do with another man isn’t going to happen with everything put on total lock down.  We see, repeatedly, a situation where the logic of this situation winds up failing in the face of emotional concerns, i.e., I can tell a guy, after hearing exactly why he has yet to get the dick he wants, that if he wants to make it happen, doesn’t it make sense to not be so restrictive?  No, you don’t really want to throw all caution to the wind but if I point out to him where he can loosen the noose enough to have the experience he wants, he can easily agree that easing up on some stuff will have positive results… but the emotional “turmoil” will override common sense, intelligence and logic and leave him stuck in place.

Those of you who have been following me have also seen me write that when it comes to getting laid, we often become our own worst enemies and, as such, makes a lot of people ask, “Why is it so hard for me to get laid when I need to get laid?”  Many people will point to the fact that they just cannot find the right person or, if they think they have, the person cannot be trusted or, worse, they can’t trust themselves for some reason.  When we talk about the problems with bisexuality in men and women, this particular one is a true killer of one’s sexual dreams in this regard.  It’s not that they really can’t find someone to have this kind of sex with so it’s not really the “fault” of anyone else other than themselves.

Some of this fits that definition of insanity quite well…

 
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Posted by on 18 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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