Hopefully, this scribble will be kinda short (but don’t hold your breath). So, it’s been well-known that youngsters experiment with sex despite admonishments to never experiment which, as parents usually learn, telling them not to means go ahead and do it. This scribble isn’t so much about whether young folks experiment – some do, some are too afraid of getting into trouble if they do so they don’t.
No, this is about that arbitrary line some folks draw between youthful experimentation and being of legal age to indulge themselves in sex and the perception that anything you might have done before being of legal age doesn’t count – it’s like whatever one experimented with never happened. It also begs the question of whether or not legal adults of any age can legitimately experiment since, again, we tend to agree that this is something the young and inexperienced tend to do.
It’s always baffled me why we act as if sexual experimentation never happened and makes me ask, “How is it possible for something to have happened but it didn’t?” In other things, it’s said that if you don’t write it down, it never happened and I’m thinking we have these thoughts because, in this case, writing it down is proof that whatever you’ve written down did, in fact, happen.
Where’s the “proof” in sexual experimentation? Certainly, unless someone keeps a journal and writes such things down, there is no tangible proof except the sure knowledge that one did experiment even if one isn’t of a mind to admit that they did – and provided, upon admission, the person you admitted it to believes that you did.
It amazes me how we just assume that if you’re below the age of, let’s say, 16, you have no idea what sex is, let alone how to do engage in it… except a lot of people are quite sexually active before getting anywhere near being 16 and by the time they do reach 16, they’re old hands at doing the nasty.
We also tend to hold true that when boys experiment – even with each other – it’s just boys being boys and some people are oddly surprised to learn that a guy didn’t do any experimentation at all. We’re expected to do it… and expected not to do it since, you know, we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing in the first place. Back in the day for me, it wasn’t like adults were actually going to tell you how to do the nasty, right? But, again, it gets figured out, doesn’t it, and it’s not as if adults don’t really know this – and especially if they did some experimenting themselves – but, I dunno, it’s like a very blind eye is turned and perhaps under the auspices of, “If I don’t know it happened, it didn’t happen.”
Humans are some very strange critters…
Boys do experiment with sex with each other; we fondle each other, give and get blow jobs (with or without that spunky discharge) and we fuck each other. Of course, not every young male gets into this but, again, it’s such a well-known fact that it’s easy to assume that we all do it and those who don’t are just an exception to the rule.
One of the fellas on the forum responded to a thread about being afraid to take the plunge and while he had some good things to say about this real-life topic, he got my attention by saying that he had experimented in his youth but didn’t want to take the plunge because it crossed a line and, upon seeing this, my first thought was, “Too late for that, ain’t it?”
We just see anything we may have done in our youth as being different than something we might do as an adult but whether you’re 14 or 44, sucking a dick is still sucking a dick… isn’t it? Some guys go as far to say that, sure, they experimented with cock sucking (the usual entry point in this) and they liked it but because it happened when neither guy was busting a nut, it kinda/sorta didn’t really happen and as if sperm – or the lack of it – changes the act itself… and an act that is still deemed to have never taken place once one becomes an adult.
I recall having a conversation with a guy a whole lot of years ago (like maybe thirty years ago or so) and we were talking about experimentation – how we got on the topic escapes me at the moment but he had asked me if I had experimented and I kinda laughed and said, “If you wanna call it that…” He admitted to have experimented and, well, that hadn’t really surprised me a whole lot but what got my attention was his assertion that what he did in his youth didn’t mean anything – it was like it never happened, which got me seriously thinking about this because, again, how is it possible for a guy to have done something at one point in his life but turn around later and act as if he didn’t do whatever he did… while admitting that he did?
What the hell’s going on here? Thirty or so years later, I’m still not 100% sure why we parse this in our minds the way we tend to do… but I know it’s a dodge, even a bit of an act of denial or perhaps drawing a hard line in the sands of our lives that says, “Just because I did this back when I didn’t know what I was doing doesn’t mean I would do that today.” And I actually had a guy tell me this exact sentiment, by the way.
What? Even if, by chance, ya had no idea what you were getting yourself into and doing before the fact, um, you sure as hell got a quick lesson on what you were doing and what you’d gotten yourself into. Okay, so you wouldn’t blow a guy today… but early on, you did blow a guy and probably more than once… and you’re gonna act as if it didn’t happen and the reason why it didn’t happen is because you were legally too young to really understand what you were doing?
I just don’t understand how this makes sense. I recall a bible passage that includes this: “When I became a man, I put away childish things” or something to that effect… but is learning about sex really a childish thing and if you learned about it early on, can you really just “put it away” and as if it was of no great consequence or import?
What’s really funny about this is when we experiment with sex with girls, we’re of a very different mind about it; not only did we do it to girls way back then but, ah, we’re often quite proud that we were doing it to them. Perhaps the ongoing angst against things homosexual is what makes some of us draw that line between “youthful debauchery” and adult intent and purpose and it’s just easier to justify this behavior by saying, “Well, I was young when I did this and didn’t know what I was doing…”
It happened… yet, it didn’t happen? It’s like Bill Clinton saying that he tried weed but he didn’t inhale – he still tried it, didn’t he and I’m pretty sure he was breathing at the time. As mentioned, some guys admit that they sucked a dick but because no cum was involved, nope, didn’t happen, nothing to see here – move along.
Is putting on the experimental label on this just a weird kind of justification and one that serves to make breaking the rules “okay” and no matter what the results of the experimentation were? And does being older totally negate the fact that one did experiment and, if so, just how the fuck does that work? If a guy started experimenting with guys and he’s still getting his freak on with guys – and regardless to frequency – is he still experimenting?
If a guy experimented back in the day, walked away from it, but is now returning to the party, can it be called an experimental phase? True enough, our entire lives can be seen as one great experiment if you wanna look at it like that so, in one sense, the experiment never ends until we end but in this, well, I admit to still being baffled by this mindset and how it seems to only apply to same-sex stuff.
The great “unknown” thing: Do girls experiment with other girls? It stands to reason that they do or, as I like to say, do you really believe that when girls have sleepovers, all they’re doing is talking and sleeping? The thing with women I’ve observed is if they admit to some, ah, girlish experimentation, they just take it in stride and in the sense of, okay, yeah, I checked it out and now it’s just a matter of whether or not they’d ever check it out again – it’s no big deal; it happened so let’s just keep it moving forward.
So perhaps men – and due to the implied and imposed shame of having sex with each other – are just “in the habit” of saying that they did experiment but it didn’t happen? If this sound really fucking weird to you, it’s because it is really fucking weird. Yes – just because you did something then doesn’t mean you’d do it in the here and now… doesn’t change the fact that you did it. What, because no spunk was involved and there was no “finish” in that sense, does it mean that whatever was done really didn’t happen?
Again, that guy said he’d not be willing to take the plunge because he didn’t want to cross a line… but a line he did cross when he “experimented” with sucking cock and mutual masturbation with another guy.
Man… I don’t know what to say about this except that it’s a damned peculiar sense of perception for someone to have done some same-sex experimentation in their youth and then, as an adult, chalk it up to a non-event – like it never happened… except they know it did because, um, weren’t they there when they were doing whatever they did? Does it really matter if they liked whatever happened or found it not to their liking? And does the outcome really negate the fact that it did, in fact, happen?
The thing is that if one experimented, eh, no one is really gonna kick your ass about it because boys will be boys, after all, and regardless to whether or not the experimentation happened because of curiosity, out of control and raging hormones, or even peer pressure. Why? You were young and dumb, didn’t know what you were doing and, well, such things do happen but since you’re an adult now, you’re forgiven for any experimentation and, I know I’m repeating myself, let’s just say that what you did never happened, okay?
It’s crazy. I asked a guy once why he thought that his, um, experiments with dick didn’t have any meaning as an adult… and he couldn’t explain it except to say that what he did then had no bearing on what he’s doing now, which makes sense except, ah, you can’t undo something you’ve already done except to mindfuck yourself into believing that you really didn’t do what you damned well know you did. Even crazier, it’s a thing that men, in particular, have always done in the majority of times and, I still don’t know, maybe it “didn’t happen” because not too many men are willing to say that it did? If a non-event is invoked because it cannot be proven that the event took place, how does a guy who was involved in the event figure that it didn’t happen because, again, wasn’t he there when it did? Or is it just easier on one’s sensibilities to make such a distinction of a non-event and blame any “wrongdoing” on youthful experimentation?
And experimentation that we’re not supposed to engage in but are also expected to engage in?
Beats me – I’m gonna go watch some football now.