Once someone gets past the “why me” moment and decide that doing something is the thing to do, it’s now all about giving some thought about what to do and, importantly, who to do it with.
Figuring out what is probably the easy part and, for men and as I’ve written about, the entry level starting point is oral sex with another guy (and probably the same for women but, eh, they don’t talk about it so much). A lot of guys find their inhibitions slipping away now that they’re in a position to explore their feelings or, if they didn’t get hit by the truck that came out of nowhere, they can now do that stuff that they’ve been thinking about for the longest time from sucking cock to finally getting the answer to what it feels like to be fucked and have a load of spunk fired into them.
That’s the easy part. The hard part is trying to find someone and it seems to me that, today, a lot of guys make this more difficult than it has to be, that and one of the things they discover is that you can’t tell a bi guy from a straight guy just by looking at them and no one wants to hit on a guy and proposition him and then find out the guy ain’t like that and, oops, he might not be polite about being hit on for a sexual encounter.
Prior to the Internet and all the apps we see today as a matter of course, if you wanted some dick, you had to go looking for it or, if you were lucky, you’d be minding your own business and some guy would come over to you, strike up a conversation, then proposition you in some way and you’d have to make a snap decision to take him up on his offer or politely refuse. Going at it this was often more miss than hit – and depending on where you live, of course, but it remains true that if/when you wanted some dick, you had to put in some work in order to get some dick and the way you wanted it.
Today, the apps have made things wide open and using them gives a guy such a wide and diverse choice of men to engage with. I know in the early days of the apps, wow, there was plenty of dick to play with and from guys who were aboveboard and true about themselves, their intentions for wanting to get with you, and what, if anything, they expected. Sometimes it was just the “quick and dirty” hookup; meet me here or come over to my place and we can get it on, bust our nuts, go on about our business and maybe we can get together and do this again but if not, well, we still had fun.
But as time went on, using the apps got… complicated. Guys were very aware of the fact that the Internet allowed them a great deal of anonymity and there was – and still is today – a lot bullshit going on, from guys who’d talk a good game and enough to get you interested and then, when it was time to get it done, he was a no-show and if he bothered to explain his absence, most of the time, it was so lame that a blind man could see through the lies these guys would tell.
Don’t even get me started with the hyper-macho and overly aggressive guys you can find on almost all of the apps. While you’d think that the apps make it easier because there are so many men looking to do the nasty with other men, at times, they’re more of a problem than they are a lot of help. A lot of guys were successful with Craigslist… until a new law went into effect and Craigslist’s operators complied with the law and shut down that part of their service, leaving perhaps millions of guys (and maybe gals, too) without a source for this kind of sex… and now they’re looking for alternatives and having to rely on the apps which, again, can be quite the clusterfuck.
I see a lot of guys on the forum saying they haven’t done anything because they can’t find any guys… and what they mean is that they can’t find the specific kind of guy they’re looking for even if such a guy only exists in their minds but it seems to me that actually leaving the apps and websites alone and hitting the bricks – and like we had to do in the pre-Internet days – isn’t something they feel like doing.
Admittedly, it’s not all that easy to get it done when you’ve decided on this. It can leave you discouraged and frustrated to the point where they just stop trying to take care of their need to do this and then studiously try to ignore the urge. All I can say to these folks is to don’t give up and to look everywhere because you just never know when someone you can get it done with will show up and, sometimes, from unexpected directions.
Having the sex is easy. I know that guys fret over a great many things that makes them set conditions that are almost impossibly high and I don’t think they’re aware of this or, if they are, they stand on their right to set the bar as high as they need to but they’re the same guys who are always complaining about not being able to find someone compatible enough to do what they’ve been wanting to do since discovering – or rediscovering – their bisexuality.
When people ask me what to do about this, again, I tell them not to give up but I also tell them to give some thought about making it easier for someone to get at you by setting the bar lower; take a look at your preferences and the conditions you’ve put in place and minimize/simplify them; if you’re looking for guys with monster-sized dicks only, you’re passing up a lot of guys with “smaller” cocks who just might give you the thrills you’re looking for. Pay more attention to the person and what makes them tick more than just looking at them because what you see might not be as good as you think it is.
Most guys prefer to get it done with other guys who are similar to themselves; some guys want guys who are almost a polar opposite to the person they are – no secret that opposites attract, right? A lot of guys are seriously opposed to hooking up and experiencing the dreaded blow and go and while I understand this, um, being opposed to this isn’t getting you the sex you’re craving but as I’ve said a lot, casual sex is almost forbidden in the M2M world and to the point where just merely hooking up for a blow and go moment is the last thing on their list of things to do when they want to get it done – and get done.
Guys worry about the health risks and this, too, is understandable but, guys, that’s what they make condoms for – use them and make it a non-negotiable item or, as they used to say, “No glove, no love!”
Sometimes, in order to get it done, you just gotta “take a chance” whether it’s a hookup situation or one that you’ve patiently crafted over a period of time; at some point, you’re gonna have to make the decision to do it or go back to sitting on the bench. It’s a scary moment for those men and women who are on the verge of having that moment of truth that will reveal if they can really do what they want to do or not and I don’t think or believe that’s there’s really a way to avoid “taking a chance” in that sense.
What I do know is that if you don’t, guess what ain’t gonna happen? Then give some thought about the levels of frustration and a few other things you’re gonna have to deal with. What I know is that many men and women kinda say, “Fuck it…” and just do it and discover that they’ve been sitting on the sidelines and worrying about this or that… and find there wasn’t anything to worry about.
“Why did I wait so long before doing this?” is a sentiment I hear a lot of and while not every first experience has that “storybook” happy finish, many find that, overall, it was better for them to get out there and do something about the way they’ve been feeling – they’ve gotten their feet (and other stuff) wet, gotten over whatever fears were fucking with their heads and, importantly, now know how to proceed in this going forward… and if they choose to do so… and many do.
Because that shit just feels so fucking good, it seems.
Make sure you’re gonna be safe; look for opportunities wherever you go because you never know when you’re gonna run into someone who wants the same thing you want. If you can, make it “easier” for someone to get you into a bed while not compromising what I’ll call your core stance on doing it like this. You can get what you want and the way you want it but, to me, it just makes sense to make it easier to get it rather than making it hard on yourself. Develop a sense of adventure because diving into this particular pool is, indeed, an adventure; it’ll have its ups and downs and you’re gonna learn some stuff about this that you need to learn – and I’m telling you this so that you don’t have to learn these things the hard way.
Don’t be so… picky and superficial; some of the best sex I’ve ever had in this has been with people who ain’t even close to being the “Ken and Barbie” type but their personality and mindset have been right on the money and the sex was quite gratifying.
If you’ve been thinking about getting it done, it’s on and up to you to make this happen and in the best way you can but, in my opinion, if this is what you want to do, you have to be willing to put in whatever work is necessary to get it done and to get done.
If you’re not willing to do the work, well, I don’t know what to tell you except that if you’re not getting what you want and need, the blame for this lies completely on you.
I maintain that if this is something you really want and need to do, you will find a way to get it done so you can get done.