Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What You Learn…

…when you’re bisexual is that being this way is just another way to be intimate with someone. It’s either “just sex” or it’s more than that. I’ve said that people make this harder than it has to be and because our societal norms and morality makes this harder to indulge in the very human pleasure of having sex.

It’s not an easy lesson to learn since, like so many things are in this, you have to unlearn pretty much everything you’ve ever learned about sex in order to learn a “new” way to do it, not by substituting one for the other but really including another way to be physically – and even emotionally – intimate.

We tend to behave that we need a reason to have sex other than the most obvious one: We want and need to have sex. It’s that itch that wants to be scratched and while the itch really doesn’t care how it gets scratched, our mindset about sex does mind. There’s a reason why I’ve heard so many guys say, after having their first experience with another guy, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” and similar things and, yes, women say the same thing although one kinda get the impression that women “just know” this as a matter of course and for them it’s just making the decision to check it out.

And everyone winds up making that decision and it’s never easy since if you’re discovered, the chances you’re gonna have to ride a raft of shit about it is pretty damned good. Many do not make the decision… because they can’t think of a good reason why they should make it and, again, overlooking the most obvious reason:

Because they want and need to have that sexual release and accompanying sense of satisfaction. Still, we get into the right and wrong of it and because some of the sex that can be had is immoral, sure – one needs a reason to defy the rules and buck the system and, sure, it needs to be a damned good reason. The thing is that many people know that the only real reason you need is… because you want to even if it’s not conventional. But we will convince ourselves that this isn’t a good enough reason or that the reason why we won’t let that girl over there, who has made it clear that she wants some very biblical knowledge of you, is that you’re not gonna like it… even though, um, you do enjoy having a guy going down on you and all that.

Hmm. “Reasoning” tends to cause a disconnect as well as there being a need to justify one’s actions. If “Don” winds up getting into a hot and heavy blow job session with “Greg” – and it was one of those “it just happened” kind of things, eh, Don might not get a whole lot of push back over shit happening… but if he did this and he planned on doing it, well, that’s different and now – if this gets out – people will want to know what his reason was for doing that which is considered to be unthinkable.

“Because I wanted to,” apparently, isn’t a good reason. Neither is, “Because I can.” Even I’ve been asked how I justify it and/or what my reason is and, sometimes, you just can’t explain it or get whoever’s asking to understand that my reason and justification is because I want to and because I can… because at the end of any day, it’s still sex… and you really can have sex with anyone provided they want to have sex with you.

Many do, in fact, learn this and see the truth of it… and continue to struggle with the morality of it and, yeah, justifying it to themselves and racking their brains to come up with that damned good reason for going this way since, at some point, they’re gonna have to explain it to someone…

And “because I wanted to” and “because I could” aren’t considered to be good reasons. Over our existence, we’ve managed to take the humanity out of something that, in truth, we were all born to do – have sex. Boy/girl is good… and anything other than that just isn’t. We know that despite this, yeah, buddy, people have sex in the dual way just the same and if you ask them why they do it like this, you can be sure that they’ll have a reason and one that’s pretty complex and complicated… while not mentioning the most simplest of reasons:

Because I wanted to. I needed to do it like this. I can do it like this because I find sex satisfying – period. What’s my reason for sucking a guy’s cock? There’s several of them including I wanted to and I can… and it makes me feel good. What’s my reason for letting a guy blow me? Same things. Simple. Uncomplicated. No other reason needed.

The funny part? People think that I should have some other reason… and many more folks who are like me also think or otherwise believe that they should have a reason other than that which is – or should be – obvious. We apply stuff like attraction and chemistry and other conditions and qualifications when, really, they’re not needed – we just continue to believe that they are. Sex without that emotional connection? Blasphemy! Unheard of! And many also overlook the fact that having sex, in and of itself, is an emotional connection – just not the one our morality says has to be in place in order to have sex.

I’d even “challenge” you, dear reader, to think about the reasons why you have sex or what reason you’d give someone who’d have the nerve to ask you about whatever sex you’re having and the way you’re having it. Is “because I want to and can” one of the reasons you’d give them? And if you gave them this very obvious reason, would it be accepted? Try it, you know, if you can and what you might discover – and as I did – that any resistance that comes from the way you like to have your boat floated doesn’t come from you:

It’ll come from those around you and those who really and truly believe that you need some other reason to have sex other than, “Because I want to and I can…” and especially if you happen to be bisexual – then you really need a damned good reason other than the most simplest of reasons.

What makes being bisexual so hard for many people is that they are so very worried about what others will say and think about them; many get even more worried because they know – even if no one else does – that their reason for being bisexual is pretty simple but, sure enough, if called on the carpet for it, they are expected to have a damned good reason for throwing the rule book out and pretty much dissing the morality that’s been imposed upon us.

“Because I wanted to” just isn’t seen as a valid reason and neither is, “Because I could.” Neither is, “I really do like/love sex and who I have it with doesn’t really matter as long as they want to have sex with me.” “It’s sex – so why not?” is also not an acceptable reason.

Do you feel me? Maybe and maybe not… still the guy who has the gall to point this out. Being bisexual is hard because we make it hard; we look beyond that which is – and should be – obvious, not only in explaining it to ourselves but especially if we find ourselves having to explain our sexual proclivities to someone else.

“I don’t know why you gotta be into that shit.” Of course you don’t know why and I’m pretty sure that when I tell you why, you’re not gonna accept my answer. It’s because I want to. It’s because I can. It’s sex. It feels good.

What other reasons do you need?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Secret Society

As I’ve mentioned, I grew up with some pretty horny dudes and it seemed to me that we all got “awakened” to sex at almost the same time including masturbation. But those of us who were “unknowingly” bisexual, it was quite the secret society since you had to be “one of us” to know that we weren’t straight and that we were having sex like it was nobody’s business.

It wasn’t about being outed as being gay that kept this a secret – it was the very real fear of some neighborhood adult catching any of us in the act… and I grew up in a time where the adult neighbors could whup your ass for something, take you home, rat you out, and you’d get your ass whupped again by your parents.

So if you didn’t need to know – or we didn’t want you to know – you might suspect that we were up to something… but we’d never confirm nor deny the allegations.

Or so we thought. Today I can look back at our “secret society” and how we thought that we were the only ones who knew what we were doing and there was no way anyone else could find out; what we didn’t know about was that a lot of other guys were feeling the same things we were and looking for other boys to do it with. Nothing else explained how one of us could be hanging out with a guy who wasn’t a known member of the Society of Really Horny Motherfuckers and that guy would pop the question:

“Have you ever done it with another boy?” Sometimes panic would set in – who was the rat who ratted about what we were doing? Yeah, sometimes, our… activities got spread by word of mouth but outside of that, it never occurred to us that we weren’t the only guys in the ‘hood looking to check this out.

We were some horny fuckers… didn’t say we were all Wile E. Coyote brilliant and that the obvious couldn’t just sail right over our heads; we just didn’t think like that and I thought that our tendency to always be in the moment allowed the obvious to fly right past us.

Guys were “inviting” themselves into the secret society either by asking The Question or, even at our ages, trying to be slick and/or trying to appear to be ‘innocent’ of any of this… and sometimes being subtle about it wasn’t a consideration, oh, like, hanging out with a guy who wasn’t a known member and he just pulls his dick out and starts playing with it… and hoping this in-your-face hint would jumpstart you to do what he wanted to do while hoping that you wanted to do it, too.

They call it experimentation and I guess it remains to be an accurate description although, in later years, I’d see it more like exploration and, perhaps, the “experiment” was to see if one could do it or not; if they found that they could, then the exploration began and, um, in our “branch” of the Society of Really Horny Motherfuckers, the exploration was off the chain… and our numbers were growing and it didn’t take one very long to realize that things weren’t just contained and confined to our particular neighborhood:

There were branches all over the city… and even more that many of us didn’t know about like going away to summer camp and finding yourself rooming with another society member from another city or state. From all walks of life; things like race and color didn’t mean a whole lot and despite the early racial tensions of those early days, there were a lot of guys who were society members and, in this, totally colorblind.

With the one and only caveat and “rule:” Don’t. Get. Caught. Now, many societies had a second rule that, for the most part, was upheld: I won’t tell if you won’t. But, yeah, some would tell anyway, not for the purpose of starting some shit or getting someone into trouble but because all of this was so damned exciting that you just couldn’t keep it to yourself…

Which usually had the effect of adding more members to the society. While there were many young horny fuckers who weren’t of a mind to join the society, well, yeah – a lot at least wanted to give it a try and those experimenters would either walk away from it or join the society.

A whole lot of boys. Of difference ages and other demographic stuff. Masturbators. Cock suckers. No real qualms about anal either way. Some members reveled in doing it all while others had their favorite things to do. Things like guilt and shame were usually quickly conquered because the amazingly intense urge to do it would pretty much override guilt and shame and the logic, at least for us, was easy: Does it make sense to feel guilty/be ashamed of something you wanted to do?

It didn’t. I don’t know how many times another society member and I would be doing something and one of us would say, “You know we shouldn’t be doing this, right?”

And the other would respond, “Yeah, I know…” and things kept right on going. Were we ignorant of the risks? No… well, perhaps ignorant of all the possible risks but, again, the only one any of us were concerned with was not getting caught having sex with another boy. The need for secrecy was important because all it took was for the wrong guy to find out that you were a “fag” and the word would spread faster than wildfire and you’d be subjected to just how fucking evil and brutal some kids could be.

Nobody wanted to deal with this aspect of growing up and especially for this reason so the society remained… under cover? Not all that widely “advertised?” If you didn’t need or want to know, you just weren’t gonna know who was a member of the society and who wasn’t. Today we say that what you suspect is one thing but what you can prove is something else… but within young peer groups? You didn’t have to be suspected of anything to get “outed” as being a fairy or some other derogatory term.

Once you get a reputation for something – and even if you did nothing to earn it – “fixing” it was pretty much impossible. Despite that – and in my local chapter – the society flourished and we learned some shit about sex that, of course, we weren’t supposed to know about but, as I began to suspect, it was known that we were gonna find out about it. We weren’t supposed to experiment with sex, let alone in the boy/boy way of things but it wasn’t unexpected. Wasn’t allowed but you only got in trouble if you got caught and sometimes if too many people were running their mouth and word got back to those who would seriously take you to task for disobeying the order not to do that… or, in rare cases, being dumb or careless enough to get caught or letting it be known you were a member of the secret society.

Society members would come and go (seriously, no pun intended) while the more die-hard of us stayed the course and, often, more so because trying to talk your way into a girl’s panties wasn’t even close to being easy – and some girls preferred to do it to each other before letting some boy with his nasty, scary, and horrible cock do it to them. The way girls were made to be traumatized before they even gave a single thought to having sex was, well, I still shake my head over some of the things I’ve heard that women were told.

So because of this, the secret society remained. Faces changed. Some guys “resigned” from the society and regretfully so in order to do what men are supposed to do – meet a girl, fall in love with her, marry her, have babies – all that stuff.

I’d say that at the height of the great prejudice aimed at homosexuals, it became a great necessity for the secret society to be even more secret. It wasn’t just the few gay guys among us that had to worry – all of us who were going both ways had to worry; the older we all got, the more… vicious people one could come across and they were to be avoided at all costs since a lot of them would be of a mind to do you bodily harm.

Yeah… pretty sure I don’t – or didn’t – know anyone who liked to be bullied and made to fight or even get their ass kicked to even being suspected of being a society member. And I’d like you to keep in mind that this was, for me, between 1964 and perhaps through 1974… or thereabouts. The social angst was still very much on homosexuals, which allowed bisexuals to keep flying under the radar and, as I’ve said time and time again, not without good reason.

What makes me scratch my head a lot these days is that call for all bisexuals to come out and be known… when we still live in a society that isn’t exactly kind to those who aren’t straight – and homosexuals “won” a long and hard fought battle to be recognized like everyone else is… and suffered many casualties of war in the process. It makes me scratch my head to see those “you all gotta come out” people insisting on it even when it’s explained to them how inherently bad it can be and the potential to suffer losses that, well, are intolerable like family and friends. That faction insists that because we ain’t feeling that as an entire demographic group, well, we’re not real. We don’t really exist. We’re invisible.

But the secret society has always been invisible and not really as a matter of course but out of necessity since, again, those of my generation know all too well what happened to anyone who was outed as being gay. Not bi. Gay. Because people are, sorry to say this, stupid. Ignorant. Totally and completely clueless and narrow-minded beyond belief.

Let me get this straight: There’s a faction out there who want you to stand up and literally paint a target on yourself so that those who ain’t fans of anyone who isn’t straight can take pot-shots at you? So that the opinions others have of you can go from good to so bad it ain’t even funny? So you can be subjected to a great deal of sexual prejudice?

No wonder the secret society is secret; unless you want or need to know, you’re not gonna know because just like anything else connected with sex, what the society does ain’t none of your fucking business… unless you wanna join but that, unfortunately, can be difficult since many of the society’s membership don’t exactly go around letting everyone know they’re a member of the society.

We don’t look “the type” because we look just like everyone else and, as I’ve said, you could be standing next to a member of the society and not even know it unless they want you to know it. People see this as a problem when it’s pretty much business as usual for the Society of Really Horny Motherfuckers and, yes, indeed, some of the members are female.

What… you thought it was a boys-only thing? Silly you!

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Quandary

I’ve said it once and I’ll keep saying it: The worst possible situation ever is to be married (or in a relationship) and bisexual. When someone has been bitten by the bi bug and that urge to do something about it becomes damned near overpowering, one has three choices:

Ask for permission, cheat, or give up any hope of doing either of the first two things. The first one ain’t likely to happen, the second one, well, the dangers are pretty obvious, aren’t they, and the last one is pretty bad because there’s not too much that’s worse than really needing something badly and not being able to get it. If people are saying that bisexuals tend to suffer from mental illness more than any other sexuality (and I don’t believe one word of that, by the way), it’s not hard to see why, is it?

But some bisexuals kinda get lucky in that a proposition for an open relationship is on the table and you might think that if the negotiations for that are successful, well, the bisexual is in good shape.

Um, not really because opening the relationship for additional sex is one thing… but the inclusion of anything that’s “gay” is a whole different matter. You may think – and I’d understand it if you did – that if, say, “Marie” wants to open things up so she can get some new dick and some pussy, “Pete,” if he’s got a taste for dick, now has an opening to indulge himself this way, too.

Um, not really because women are funny about that and, yep – here comes that very annoying double standard that many people say just doesn’t make any sense. Why is it okay for Marie to indulge herself in this but it’s not okay for Pete? The first answer is kinda simple: What Marie wants to do in this has nothing to do with what Pete is hoping to do. Opening the relationship is about her and any extra pussy Pete might get out of this is kinda like an afterthought. She’s gonna be able to fulfill all of her sexual desires and she’ll be happy about that and, Pete, well, even if Marie didn’t know he had a craving for cock, he’s just gonna have to settle for the extra coochie – and that’s provided that Marie is even willing to share some with him.

Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. You can exchange Pete for Marie in this scenario but one of the things I’ve found odd about this situation is that if Marie is the one who wanted this, she isn’t going to have single though in her pretty little head that when she’s romping around with a woman, what she’s doing is gay… but if Pete said something about wanting to suck a dick, that is gay.

And will not be allowed. Nope. Uh-uh. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. Now, whoever gets kicked to the curb on this one usually has a question leap into their head and they might even ask it: How come you can get what you want outta this but I can’t?

And the answer, again, is usually, “This ain’t about you – this is about what I want and need – that that shit you want to do is gay and I don’t care what you have to say!”

Sounds fucked up, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. The situation gets even more fucked up because, believe it or not, a lot of open relationships are actually one-sided; it’s what one person wants and if the other goes along with it, well, they do… but if they try to introduce some ideas of their own – like finding out what it’s like to suck a dick or eat a pussy – well, what the fuck is wrong with you? You should be glad that you can get what I’m allowing you to get, you selfish motherfucker/cunt!

You see, ideally, opening a relationship should be about “us” – what’s this gonna do for us, how will it make our relationship better, etc., but more often than not, opening a relationship is about “me” – what I want and reluctantly giving their partner something in return for being able to get it the way they want it… unless what the partner wants is gay… and, again, even if the person wanting this also wants to do something gay.

A lot of women suck dick… and a lot of women think it’s totally fucked up that guys suck dick and, to me, it seems like women get pissy about that because men are encroaching on their territory and, yeah, we have proclaimed and established that if a dick is gonna be sucked, women are the only ones to be doing that, you know, if they even feel like it. Likewise, a lot of men eat pussy and a lot of men think it’s fucked up that women eat pussy because, damn it, all a woman should ever need is a nice, big, hard dick.

Hard to believe that we can really be that stupid, huh, and more so when we know – and even if we’re not into this particular thing – that guys suck dick, women eat pussy… and that’s the only “gay” thing going on.

I actually sat with a couple to act as a mediator in their open relationship negotiations. They learned that my wife (at that time) and I were up to our eyeballs in it and wanted to know how to be able to do it, too. I listened to the two of them talk about the pros and cons of doing this and paid close attention to why it was felt that this had to be done and things were going rather nicely even though I had told them to expect that some of the things they were gonna have to talk about are going to be painful to hear.

The wife, on day twenty of the negotiations, was talking about how things might change down the road and mentioned that it’s possible that they could be playing with another couple and, in the heat of the moment, she’d get the thought in her head to taste pussy for the first time… and I silently applauded her for having the foresight to understand that it could happen.

Her husband – and not unexpectedly – went right off the deep end; I kinda cut him off at the pass by saying, “All she’s doing is bringing up the fact that it can happen and, believe me, it can happen. Doesn’t mean that it will but it’s like I told you when I agreed to do this – you talk about everything you can think of about this.”

He calmed down and said, “Well, what if we’re getting busy and I start sucking the other guy’s dick?” – and I know he said it just to jerk her chain over what she had said.

Then she went ballistic and the situation got lost as they started accusing each other of having already done something they were just now talking about, her because she realized the possibilities, him because her realization pissed him off.

“Okay, I’m outta here,” I said after failing to reign the two of them back in.

“Why are you leaving?” they both asked at the same time.

“Because y’all are being stupid about this topic,” I said. “And I don’t have the patience for that. She mentions a possibility and you get all pissy and throw it back in her face – they you – pointing to her – get pissy and just forgetting that if you saw the possibility for this, then it makes sense that he could see it, too.”

“When you decide to open your relationship, you also have to open your damned minds about sex – period. Is it possible that, in the heat of the moment, a pussy might get eaten or a dick sucked – and by someone who’s not supposed to be doing that? Yeah – it is possible and if you think that it isn’t, well, grow the fuck up already. I’m telling you that it’s possible and I wouldn’t be telling you that if I didn’t already know that for a fact.”

“It doesn’t mean that it’s gonna happen but if you’re not going to be aware of what might happen and be prepared for it, you’re gonna have problems and the whole idea behind doing this is to do it with as few problems as possible. Shit… I hate it when people start getting like this! Accusing each other of doing shit y’all both know good and damned well neither of you have done. I don’t know if either of you have even thought about it but I gave you – pointing at her again – props for bringing this up; it told me that you are aware that it could happen.”

“You – pointing at him – got your ass all up on your back and said what you did because what she said pissed you off because, fuck, I dunno, maybe you’re not as smart or open-minded as you think you are? Y’all want to argue about this? Go ahead – I’m leaving; call me and let me know if I need to come back because at this point, I’d rather not.”

“That’s some cold-blooded shit, man,” the husband said to me. “I just don’t think she needs to be having her face plastered to some woman’s pussy!”

“It’s not about what you think. It’s not even about what she thinks. Right now, this is about putting it out there that it could happen and if you understand that it could, well, how are we gonna handle that?” I replied.

“I ain’t feeling that shit,” he said.

“Then y’all don’t need to get involved in this,” I said. “Shit happens when people have sex and no matter what rules they have or any other shit. You don’t believe it can or should… and I’m telling you that it can happen and without any prior intentions.”

“And what if it did?” she asked. “Should I be unhappy that him and the other guy are sucking each other’s dick? That ain’t what this is about!”

“If it does, it just does. If no one pitches a bitch about it, what’s the problem? And what this is about is sex… and you going down on some babe because you felt like it was a good idea in that moment or him sucking dick or even being sucked is still sex,” I said.

“So your lady goes down on the other woman… and you ain’t gonna say shit about it?” he asked.

“Well, our marriage is open because she wanted to be able to do that,” I said. “And the only thing I’m gonna say to her about it is, “How does she taste?””

“Shit,” the wife said.

“I told y’all on day one that this shit is way deeper and more involved that you thought it would be,” I said. “Now, we’re either going to sit here and talk about this like the grownups you both believe yourselves to be, or we aren’t and if not, I’m going home and I probably won’t be coming back – y’all can figure this shit out by yourselves.”

Things settled down and they did talk about it although they both wanted to insert a rule to prevent shit from happening and I warned them against doing that and even mentioned that this tends to fail for a lot of people because they think that shit can’t happen and then they get all pissy when it does.

“If you’re gonna have sex with other people, have sex with them,” I said. “But do it with the awareness that something might jump off that you’re not used to. The thing here, again, isn’t that it might happen – y’all need to decide on how that’s gonna affect things, oh, like what if she has a heat of the moment moment and goes down on the other woman, she doesn’t protest, and your lady finds that this shit is fun?”

“She shouldn’t,” he said.

“And you, sir, are dead wrong,” I said. “Most people who try it for the first time – and in any situation – usually finds out that it’s not as bad as they thought it was. Kinda weird, but not bad. And how are you gonna tell her what she can like and what she can’t? You can’t do that anymore than she can tell you what you should like or can’t like.”

By the time Day 90 arrived, they had hacked out the terms of their open relationship but really hadn’t resolved that “gay thing” that could happen. They both felt that neither of them had any need to do something like that, continued to believe that heat of the moment shit can’t and shouldn’t happen but, okay, they proceeded with their plans to be open but with this quandary unresolved.

When you’re working on being open, this stupid double standard cannot be allowed to be invoked. If you’ve decided that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander (or the reverse) then all of it should be good and even if someone’s bisexual potential gets revealed and even in the heat of the moment.

Is it “gay” for guys to suck cock? Yep… and it’s just as gay for women to eat pussy… but it’s not about whether this is or gay or bi: It’s about having sex and, at least in theory, this is the reason why an open relationship is being proposed and, yeah, even more so when being open is being proposed so that one can indulge themselves in a bisexual way.

It always comes down to, “What are you willing to do for your partner’s happiness in this?” and for many, they’re going to allow this quandary to get all up in the mix and, ultimately, fuck everything up. It’s not about what you do or don’t believe in these things: It’s about sex and what you’re willing to do to provide for your partner’s sexual happiness and, yeah, if it’s good for the goose, it has to be good for the gander if things go that way.

Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Permission to anything extra will not be given and now you’ve opened the door for infidelity to come in and rule the day and even if that doesn’t happen, you can bet your ass that you’ve now put your partner in a mentally bad place and it’s going to fuck with them… and will fuck with you as well because shit not only happens – and happens when you least expect it – shit also rolls down hill… and misery loves company.

The quandary, sadly, exists and I say to anyone who is thinking about an open relationship – and for any reason – to avoid letting the quandary get between the two of you and the sexual happiness you’re looking for and that which is available. The heat of the moment is a very real thing and I’ve seen it happen enough times to know how real it is… and I’ve seen people react very badly to it. I’ve seen that “this is about me and not you” shit come up and just fuck shit up. I’ve seen women who have a craving to eat pussy want to do this openly… but her man had better not even get it into his head to suck a dick (and the other way around)…

And you gotta ask yourself if putting the quandary in place makes any sense… and I really do hope that you see that it really doesn’t make sense. If one wants to include the bi thing, okay – doesn’t mean you have to do it or that you’re even thinking about doing it. This isn’t so much about one person because this is something that impacts the “us” the two of you are supposed to be.

And if that makes them happy, well, why not? I implore you to not let any sexual shortsightedness get in the way of the sexual happiness in your relationship if you ever decide to be more open about things because if you do, chances are good that you will fail and catastrophically so. Men suck dick and women eat pussy because it’s still sex.

And if you can’t understand that, I don’t know what to tell you other than maybe you need some lessons about what sex really is and can be.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Putting the Cart First

One of the things I’ve noticed in my observations of other bisexuals is a tendency to put the cart before the horse; they’re spending a lot of time thinking about what to do about their sexuality instead of making themselves as comfortable as they can about being bisexual.

Sure, having the sex and the possibility of relationships are things to give a lot of thought to… but it’s my thought that unless and until you can wrap your head around the complexity of being bisexual, doing that other stuff won’t be all that easy.

I read a blog earlier where a woman was saying that she was concerned with being able to be committed in a relationship when it seemed to me that she wasn’t quite comfortable with being bisexual – well, not comfortable to the point where sex and any other commitments could be easily dealt with.

One of the things I’ve never understood is how someone can discover that they’re bisexual… and there’s this great and powerful urge to do something about it and some find themselves fighting this urge and their idea of common sense is having a hard time keeping the urge at bay. There are, at least in my opinion, putting the cart before the horse; in theory, one should learn to crawl before walking and then get that down pat before trying to run – makes sense, right?

Except, for this analogy, um, according to my mother, I didn’t crawl; one day, I grabbed a table or something, got to my feet and started walking. I don’t remember it but my mom wouldn’t have a reason to lie to me about it and, as such, it’s not really all that unusual that a new bisexual will bypass crawling and go right to running at full speed.

And I don’t know why; I just know it’s a real thing and one that can get someone into trouble if they’re unable to be… settled with their feelings. I’ve heard many a newbie say (paraphrasing), “I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I gotta do something!” – and even without really knowing or understanding what they’re being compelled to do… and, yeah, it’s usually sex but it’s also that need to be with someone who is like you.

It’s why I tell newbies to think first, then act if they must… or if they can. Sometimes the cart gets put before the horse and a newbie finds that they can’t act and, whoa, shouldn’t have acted before really understanding what they were getting themselves into.

Oddly enough, same-sex interactions aren’t really all that different from opposite-sex interactions – it just appears to be different and yet another one of those things that I can’t explain. I’d say it’s pretty “normal” to think that it’s going to be different and in some aspects, it is… but not really. You still go through the “normal” processes of finding someone you can resonate with sexually, emotionally, both or either one. Do you go for the committed relationship with them or do you just wanna scratch your itches? And the really big question: What’s it gonna be like to have sex like this for the first time?

All I’m saying is that before you break out the cart and horse, be sure that you’re hooking them up properly; the horse should pull the cart, not be pushing it. If you can picture this in your mind, you can see that, um, that’s not really gonna work well and getting the proper configuration just might require some additional thought as well as being confident that you can put the horse before the cart instead of the other way.

I understand that part of my “difficulty” with this is due to the fact that I never went through this period; my horse got put in the proper place before the cart and we were off and running and, as such things tend to work out, I got to thinking about it after the fact. For me, this was important; I had actually skipped a step but it didn’t get me all jacked up… but it was still important to be comfortable and even confident that I could do the right things for myself and recognizing that I got lucky.

One should not allow luck to play a role in this because it doesn’t always work out nicely… which is why hitching the horse to the cart properly – and understanding things as best you can – is very damned important before telling the horse to giddy-up and get things rolling.

A lot of newbies spend an awful amount of time thinking about the social implications – what others might say about them and all that… and this is something that is important… but not as important as it is to be able to understand yourself in his. Do you tell other people about this… change you’ve gone through… or do you keep it to yourself? If you get quizzed about this, can you answer their questions? To this end, if confronted with all of this, do you know how to defend yourself?

Before giving the social implications the thought it deserves, ya might wanna make sure that you’ve got yourself in some kind of order so that you will be “ready” to face whatever social implications get between your horse and cart and the path you want to travel.

While one can say, “Let’s just go for it and find out what happens!” eh, that might work… and it might not. Yeah, this is a lot of shit to think about and, yeah, it’s too much for some people to deal with and, yup, it’s really easier to say, “Fuck it!” and do whatever you’re being compelled to do and hope it turns out okay…

But it’s much better to have a plan or two or five in your head about how you’re bisexual, what it means to you and what, if anything, you’re gonna do about it.