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Porn and Male Sexuality

http://professorpolyamory.com/2013/12/09/the-homosexual-heterosexual-binary-lie/

I would very much like for those who are interested in sexuality issues to click on the above link and read this blog… and especially the part where the author talks about porn.  I found that part to be interesting because, as a bi guy, sure, I like looking at another man’s erection, watching him use it in whatever way he’s using it, and then pull out, jerk himself furiously, and squirt sperm all over whoever he was screwing… although I’ve always thought that this part was a terrible waste of sperm.

I will admit to never seriously given any thought to straight guys watching porn for the reason I might be watching it… but the author of the blog suggests that this may be so, that even when watching straight porn, men aren’t necessarily watching it for the gorgeous woman that’s being fucked.  I think the author accurately pointed out some change in the porn mentality, making a switch from ‘average-looking’ guys with average-sized cocks to dudes who are ripped and possessors of huge pricks – and right along with those extremely beautiful women.

The author suggests that men watch porn to vicariously enjoy seeing another man’s cock and that the woman is just a prop and one used to facilitate our homosexual desires… and I thought, “Well, um, there might be some truth to that…” and it did occur to me that there have been times when I’ve watched porn with other guys and paid attention to them as they watched; I’ve often heard comments about the size of the guy’s dick even as they comment on the woman’s body; I’ve definitely heard them comment at the point where the guy on the screen pulls out and shoots his load and, yup, the comments have always been about how much sperm he’s shot.

Anyone remember Peter North?  Man, talk about a guy who could bring a load!  When I first saw him on the screen and the amount of sperm some poor girl would have to deal with, hell, I was impressed right down to my socks… but so were some guys I know who have seen Mr. North do his thing.  Now, I wouldn’t have dared to question their sexuality in regards to this but maybe that blog’s author has a point:  If you’re not bi or gay, uh, why would watching another man bust a nut capture your attention so much?  Indeed, in my observations, I had noticed that at the moment the guy pulled out for the cum shot, not one man there looked away as the guy choked his chicken to deliver the load for the camera.

The author suggests that the cum shot’s whole purpose is for men to see other men get off; personally, I always thought it came to be because it was visual proof that the sex you just watched was real – that cum shots can be faked is besides the point.  But, again, as a bi guy, hell, yeah, I have often fast-forwarded through a flick just so I can watch the way he finished himself… but no one would find that unusual since I’m bi, right?

I know straight guys who watch gay porn and under the premise of them trying to figure out why two guys would want to have sex with each other.  And I’d laugh at them because, um, if that’s what you wanted to know, you only had to watch a gay porn flick once to get the gist of the whole thing; if you’re watching gay porn more than once, well, what might that say about the straight guy watching it?

That there may be some correlation here is just interesting.  Sure, it’s easy for a guy to watch some straight porn and emphatically state that he’s watching it because of the girl and she’s got a killer bod, nice tits, and an onion booty, you know, that ass that looks so good it makes you want to cry.  But unless you’ve got a serious vision problem, it’s almost impossible to watch her without watching what he’s doing and especially when he’s using that huge dick on girlfriend.

It makes me think about what porn focuses on; like, when the woman is being face-fucked, what are guys really looking at?  Are they looking at how she’s sucking him… or are they looking at that guy’s dick being rammed into girlfriend’s mouth?  You might see the guy eating pussy… but not for very long and not very often – it’s face-fuck the girl and then ram it into her.  The camera is now getting every possible angle of homie’s dick in her pussy and/or ass… and there’s no doubt that  us guys are sitting there watching his dick more than we’re paying attention to the girl he’s fucking.

Getting a little weird for ya right about now?  It would be weird and more so if you never looked at porn from this perspective, huh?  I’m sure there are straight guys reading this and going, “Oh, fuck no!  That’s not why I watch porn!  Men don’t turn me on ’cause I sure the fuck ain’t gay!”

Not saying that anyone’s gay – I’m just speaking out on an aspect of porn and sexuality that I never gave any thought to… but I have seen with my own eyes what the blog’s author is talking about.  Is there any real truth to this?  Damned if I know… but I do find it interesting and, indeed, the whole blog is interesting (at least I thought so; otherwise, I wouldn’t have read it).

 
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Posted by on 9 December 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Well…

http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/the-heart-beat-blog-post?post=c616b70e-1137-4756-8a0a-5560b47a56e4 asks what I think is an interesting question:  “When does a harmless habit become hurtful?”

My first (and probably unfunny) thought was, “When she says it is…”  Seriously, I get the tone of the article and it’s nothing new – it’s an old argument and it was old when I was very young.

Watching porn.  Okay, I’m a guy and, yeah, sometimes, I will actually watch some of the porn I collect.  That, however, has nothing to do with my feelings toward my lady; those occasional glimpses at the collection are just that and could never displace my feelings and desire for her.  Porn has a lot of nice (and even famous) eye-candy but, well, I guess I’m either too cynical or too much of a realist because while Jenna Jameson looks like a nice piece of ass, she’s not my woman – she’s just an actress who fucks for a living, no more, no less.

So… if a woman’s man doesn’t look at her the same way he’d look at Jenna – and react to her in a like manner as well – yep, I can see how her self-esteem could be smarting.  I did happen to think – and it’s just an observation and not my personal opinion – that if women were “porn stars” for their man, maybe this wouldn’t happen as often as it does.  A woman once told me that a man wants a lady in public and a whore in bed and, honestly, I guess I was too much of a gentleman to accept that…except, well, um, er… yeah, I guess we do, huh?

That some women might not agree with this is understandable; they may have reason not to be like that for their man (or any man for that matter).  But I also think that any woman who felt she had to compete with a professional in this, well, make an appointment so we can talk… because there’s something really wrong here.

I read this article and, again seriously, yeah, I can see how this can be a problem for some but, really, if your man is spending more time watching porn instead of laying pipe to you, well, you might want to find out why and, oh, yeah, don’t be surprised if he points the finger at you for the reason why he’s subscribed to all the porn channels on cable.  I have heard guys, in response to this (but never to their woman, of course) say that it’s her fault that he’s watching so much porn; I have heard women who watch a lot of porn say (and, again, not in front of their man) that if he knew how to satisfy her (or did it more often), she wouldn’t have to watch porn.

Both can be seen as valid arguments and the somewhat obvious solution is for the both of you to be porn stars with each other – but who’s gonna do that?  That’s too much to ask of each other, huh?  Tried that with someone else back in the day and it didn’t go well, eh?  She’s too stuck up and he’s just an insensitive prick who doesn’t seem to care how such a thing would make her feel.

So, he watches tons of porn… and she gets self-esteem issues (or switch it around if you care to).

Even I wouldn’t be stupid enough to say, “Well, it’s just something guys do…” because that’s not really an excuse – maybe it was for the generation before my own and even for generations before that.  If, as men, we are aware that our women want us to really be into them – and we have the sense that watching a lot of porn really does upset her, well, which is the more important thing here?  You fuck around too much with the porn and you’ll be by yourself watching it because women ain’t trying to keep getting their self-esteem in this trashed at every turn.

At the same time, ladies – and just in case you thought I forgot about some of you – if he’s gonna be that into you, um, he’ll want to spend as much time as possible really being into you, if you catch my drift here and if you ain’t feeling that – and some of you might not for whatever reason makes sense to you – guess what he’s gonna spend his time doing?

Hey, Mystery… c’mere, c’mere, c’mere – oh, no, get away, get away, get away!

Now, I found this part funny:  “While one might argue that the men weren’t there to confirm their habits in the study, it’s apparent that pornography is negatively affecting an increasing number of relationships.”

Really?  Um, that’s great scientific method, ain’t it?  Which is what prompted my probably unfunny thought mentioned in the beginning of this.  Yeah, I’m poking some fun here, too, but really.  If you don’t feel in your heart and soul that you’re a porn star, it’s okay – I hear it’s not that easy a job as it appears to be.  You do have to believe in yourself and if your man’s affections are drifting, instead of wallowing in some negative emotions, find out (or figure out) why they are – then do something about it.

Sometimes, gang, I think this whole discussion is rooted in the difference between men and women and how, what, and when we think about sex, the things that turn us on or, if you’re in a relationship, stuff you’re supposed to not let you get turned on… if that makes any sense.  Men have been known to get bent out of shape to learn that when they’re fucking their woman, oh, lawd, she might not be thinking about him while he’s doing it.  Likewise, let a guy make a comment about some hot porn star he saw on some flick and he might find himself sleeping on the sofa for a few because we’re supposed to only have eyes – and lust – for each other… not that humans actually really behave like this to begin with – it’s an ideal situation that we’ve made into a reality and, indeed, a requirement for being in a relationship.

It’s probably just me but there seems to be something a little cockeyed about that.  While that female porn star might be as hot as hell and that male porn star has a dick so big it would make your momma blush and pass the hell out, the reality is an easy one to assimilate:  They’re actors.  They get paid to do this.  Porn is entertainment, “art” trying to imitate life and, as such, should not be used or seen as a replacement for one’s partner.

You get your head around this somewhat obvious thought and one’s self-esteem can never suffer.  See porn for what it is and not how, why, or if any of that movie magic really applies to you as a person and as a woman.  If your man wants a porn star, well, be his personal porn star, if that’s not gonna be too hard of a thing for you to do.

Yes, I know there’s a lot of personal integrity going on here but I ask a simple question (or it’s simple to me):  Which is desirable – having him all over you like a bad and horny habit – or him spending a lot of time watching Jenna getting nailed every which way but loose?

You decide on that one.  If homey’s watching a lot of porn to get himself revved up to do you, hmm, ya might want to ask him why that trip is even necessary.  Some porn as stimulus – that’s okay – can even be tons of fun, too.  But, if not taken in moderation, well, someone’s feelings are gonna get hurt somewhere along the line.

And that’s just not good eats.

 
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Posted by on 5 June 2012 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Late One Night

As the title suggests, it was late one night, my baby was snoring softly in our bedroom and our cat, Zane, was in “her” chair just scant inches from where I sat at my desk and dreaming of stuff that only means something to cats… when I felt that familiar rush of hormones flooding through my body – it was gutter time!

This particular version of it goes a little something like this:  I’m not exactly horny but I want to watch a little porn – but not to inspire me to masturbate; I just wanna see people having sex.  I’ll admit to having a, ah, decent amount of porn and in many different flavors, too – I kinda collect it as a hobby and you don’t have to believe that if you don’t want to.  Anyway, the hormones are at the right level for me to sit and watch people fucking and at just above the clinical detachment mode.

A quick decision to make:  Do I want to dive into my physical DVD collection of porn or do I want to stay where I am and delve into the continuation of that collection that resides on my computer?  Hormones says, “Stay put – I need to see some shit now!”  Fine with me; I don’t run the risk of waking my baby up.  I navigate to where the porn lives and, um, yeah, there’s quite a bit of it so now I have to decide what I want to watch.

My conscious mind doesn’t really care and leaves the decision up to Hormones as I scan through the titles and remembering a little something about each flick until Hormones makes me stop scrolling and says, “Yeah, this one – let me see this one!”  It’s one of few gay porn movies I have on the computer (the rest is on DVDs) and I’m absently thinking about what it’s about based on the title.

“Oh, yeah, this one is typically plotless, just like the rest of that shit Hormones seems to like,” says the part of my mind that firmly believes porn is a bunch of bullshit.  It’s about to say something else but Hormones gives my brain an extra jolt and that cold, clinical voice fades into silence.

“Click play,” Hormones commands, “And make sure the fucking sound is off!”

The flick begins and me and Hormones settle in to take in the action and to hell with anything that’s not sex in this movie, but the clinical part of my mind has shaken off being put in thrall by Hormones seconds into the first scene and asks, “Okay, what the fuck is it with gay dudes wearing jock straps instead of underwear like normal people?  How is that shit sexy?”

Hormones is agreeing with Clinical big time:  “Yeah, he needs to stop licking the damned thing and get to the dick!”

Eventually the guy does and Hormones is happy while Clinical is having a nice time dissecting the guy’s cock and taking note at how easily the guy giving the blowjob is handling things.  Personally, I want to see some 69 action but I know there’s no such animal in this one and I do feel a bit disappointed – but Hormones wanted to see this one, not me.

The blowjobs continue; both Hormones and Clinical are glad to see that both dicks got sucked but Clinical is now wondering who is going to be laying the pipe, the guy who appears to be dominant or the, ah, less dominant dude.  Hormones announces that it doesn’t care as long as someone gets fucked and, minutes later, is howling gleefully as the less-dominant dude is hammering the dominant guy’s butthole with unbridled gusto.

Clinical’s been paying attention to entry method, easy of entry, stuff like that up to and including with how wide the guy’s ass is being stretched and even noting just how weird it looks to see a guy being fucked in the ass, which seems ‘different’ than watching a woman getting corn-holed; Hormones is laughing its ass off at Clinical and executes a gag order on it lest Clinical try to ruin Hormone’s fun.  All the while, I’m just sitting and watching and listening to these inner voices bickering with each other.

The next scene finally comes along and Clinical says, “I hate this one!” and Hormones just shrugs and makes me click past what looks like inane dialog until it gets to the part where the dark-haired guy is getting sucked off by the guy with the reddish-brown hair.  Hormones is rolling its eyes and agrees with Clinical that of all the blowjobs they’ve seen on film, this one was just fucking lame; the guy doing the sucking seemed to have no idea how to suck a dick and, indeed, seemed to be really reluctant to do it, like he was telling himself, “I need the money…”

Dark-hair dude has a nice dick, I think and Clinical agrees while Hormones’ entertaining the thought of how nice it would be for me to suck that dick – then we get to the part that Clinical hates:  DHD busts a rather impressive nut all over the other guy’s face – then yanks his pants up and hauls ass like the cops were after him, leaving the other guy with a hard-on and jizz all over his face, which reflects both his disappointment and sense of being unfulfilled.

“Turn this dumb shit off,” Clinical growls through the muffle of the gag Hormones slapped in place and, personally, I’m agreeing with Clinical on this one but Hormones, that nasty fucker, wants to see more cock sucking and dicks plowing back roads.

Both Clinical and Hormones want to yak all over the place during the scene where there was more kissing than anything else; Clinical’s thoroughly disgusted by the time dick goes into ass and even Hormones ain’t in the spirit so much.

“Okay, turn it off,” Hormones says about half way through the next scene.  “Hey, Clinical, how come those dudes weren’t sucking on each other’s nipples?”

Clinical shrugs and says, “This is someone else’s idea of gay sex, dude – what the fuck are you asking me for?”

Hormones says, “Figures.  I’m going to bed – I’ll catch y’all later!” and fades into the background, leaving me and Clinical to ponder – again – what we were just watching.

I know that what I saw was real… yet, even this kind of porn reeks with the scent of make-believe, like the part where the guy’s is sucking dick but you can tell he got distracted by something off-camera because he flinched and it had nothing to do with the dick in his mouth; or the moment where this same guy was tossing a salad… and doing it like it was the last fucking thing on earth he wanted to be doing – it was like watching someone trying to eat an oyster for the first time and because someone dared him to do it.

Or the sloppy editing that happened when it was clear that one guy who was doing the fucking couldn’t get the head of his dick into the other guy’s ass; I’m guessing they shut the camera off or something to apply some lube because you’re watching this guy fumbling around to just find the other guy’s hole – then he’s happily humping away and it just makes you think, “What did I miss?”

I was reading over Clinical’s notes on this particular flick, like how only one “model” seemed to truly enjoy what was going on, as reflected in his body language while the others were just playing a part and following a list of things to do and, oh, yeah, look like you’re having fun doing it, will ya?  Clinical had written down a few things about the scene with the dark-haired dude, like how he didn’t have his hat on when the scene started – but then it appeared again or how his eyes kept flicking from watching his dick being sucked to someone or something off-camera – it wasn’t that thing you see the women do in porn films, you know, looking “at you” as if to say, “Don’t you wish this was you?”

“I think that was a waste of time,” Clinical says to me as I shunt the computer into standby mode.  “But, as long as Hormones’ happy, I guess it was worth it… wasn’t it?”

I couldn’t answer – all I did was frown as I gathered up my iPod and headed off to bed because even though Hormones was made happy, I don’t really know if it was worth watching “art” trying to imitate life.

“So why watch it?” you may be asking and the answer’s really simple:  Because I can and because, with Sybil-like thinking aside, I want to.  Yes, when I do, I can hear my “moral voice” trying to scream at me through the ball-gag its wearing; I’m not supposed to be interested in two guys fucking.  And, no, I have no problem ignoring that voice in my head, either but, damn, I wish they’d be more realistic about the sex.

I wonder why they never show “regular” dudes in these flicks?  Maybe that’s why on one hand, my primitive hormone-driven self can “get off” watching this but the rest of me is like, wow, is this everyone’s impression of man-on-man sex?  Skinny, anorexic-looking guys with smooth, girly bodies or guys so muscularly built they make Arnold look skinny or, occasionally, guys so hairy that dipping them in a vat of Nair would be in order; or it’s all leathers and other biker accouterments.

Where are the guys like me?  Average build and average-looking, maybe a bit of a spare tire but someone you’d see and there’s no indication that he likes dick – until you see him going for it like there’s no tomorrow?    Okay, yeah, I’m bisexual… but I know and have seen gay dudes who are more like me than they are some twinky-looking dude, ya know?  You wouldn’t or couldn’t even guess that they were gay and that’s probably because they don’t have that stereotypical behavior.

And, really (and probably finally) where is the passion?  You see them doing whatever but because it’s all so contrived, you never get the sense of passion and lust being slaked and even to the point that if you’ve experienced this in real life, you’re more detached from it than you can relate/identify with what you’re watching.

But, again, it made Hormones happy and I guess that’ll have to suffice…

 
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Posted by on 3 February 2012 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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