Larry Archer, in his comments on TBT: Wandering Thoughts, said, “In the Lifestyle (at least the one I know), a big percentage of the women go both ways but just a few of the guys. You don’t see many openly gay or bi guys at a house party and I don’t know why that is. A lot of the time it’s when the cuck hubby has to clean up after his Hotwife.”
One of the other reasons why I started blogging was because of this attitude in the swinging lifestyle and how incongruous it sounded for a sexual activity that sounds like a good way for people from all walks of life to step away from “traditional sex” and let loose their inner freak and with people who are of the same mind.
But as many who look into this tend to discover, the lifestyle isn’t as open- and/or like-minded as the premise appears to be; there is a lot of discrimination that takes place that, bluntly, is appalling, and in a lifestyle that’s allegedly about being honest and truthful, well, there’s not a lot of that really going on and bisexual men are considered to be the boogie men of the swinging lifestyle.
Oh, there are bisexual men in the lifestyle but it’s rare that you see a site profile where a bi guy says that he is and, if he does, well, that’s not always a good thing.
Part of my reply to Larry’s comment was, “It’s the stigma, Larry; there are a lot of bi guys in the lifestyle who face being blackballed and kicked to the curb because they’re bi; they’re asked and demanded to keep their bi urges to themselves and as if male bisexuality isn’t a part of the whole sexual scene.”
Unless things have changed, a bisexual woman is welcomed into the lifestyle with open arms while bisexual men aren’t always so welcome. On the various site forums, good Lord, I’d seen so many discussions against bisexual men that, frankly, spit in the face of what a lot of people say the lifestyle is all about – uninhibited sex and in many forms, from couples getting with another couple to parties that can be seen as all-out orgies.
But bisexual men were usually asked or demanded to not act like a bisexual man. In particular, straight guys would get on the forums and rant and rave about not wanting to be naked with a guy who, according to them, is going to suddenly “attack” them during sex and as if a bi guy really and truly cannot keep his hand to himself should the other guy not be so bi friendly.
It is true that some participants are, indeed, bi friendly, but the angst against bi men is so great that should a couple with a bi guy want to jump into the lifestyle, they usually find it best to not let it be known on their profile that hubby is bisexual.
And I’d say that the final slap in the face is that the overall mindset of the lifestyle is that when you get rejected by another couple, don’t take it personally… and I’ve always wondered how one could not take it personally when they tell you that they’d have sex with your female partner… but not with you and because you’re bisexual.
Cuckolding is a thing now and, at least in my opinion, a far departure from what this meant before it became a thing – and it wasn’t considered a good thing. As Larry said, if some cuck is “ordered” to lick his wife’s spermy pussy after the other guy has creamed it up – or, as I once heard, “sucking dick by proxy,” well, there are not many who are into this thing who wouldn’t see that as being unusual and probably wouldn’t think that eating another man’s sperm out of a woman’s cunt was all that bisexual.
I used to sit and read forum stuff about bisexuals that, again, was just appalling, like the assumption that if a bi guy is in the mix, catching an STD from him was pretty much a given. Some would do what I’d call whistling in the dark and say, on the one hand, they don’t have anything against bisexual men and in the same breath – and on the other hand – they’d prefer not to be anywhere near a bisexual man and something innocent like incidental contact between the guys, well, some dudes didn’t have a sense of humor about being in contact with another man and if the other guy was bi, oh, hell no.
Because of shit like this and as I mentioned, a lot of bi guys would lie on their profile and say that they’re straight… but as I recall, the only thing lifestyle members “hated” more than bi guys were liars… but given how bisexual men tend to be discriminated against, the only choice they had – and if he and his partner was gonna be able to get out there and swing – was to lie about his sexuality.
Things may have changed since the last time I bothered to check but Larry’s comment indicates to me that, nope, not a whole lot has changed where bisexual men and swinging are concerned and I have no reason to disagree with what he said. When I first read his comment, one of the thoughts I had was, “Yeah… the only thing worse than a bisexual man in the lifestyle was a single guy…” Yet, single men are often all up in the mix despite the overall thought that if some guy shows up at a swinging party and he didn’t bring any pussy to share with the others, well, that greedy asshole shouldn’t bother to show up. Larry might know this better than I do right now but there was a time when single guys and bisexual guys were charged double for parties where a fee to participate was required.
For a sexual lifestyle that hypes up open and unfettered sex, the hidden message is that this is true if you’re straight and for bisexual men, well, you don’t have to leave but you can’t stay here.
That straight guys believed that a bi guy in the mix was guaranteed to lose control of himself and pounce on the straight guy’s cock – and uninvited – was – and still is to me – patently ridiculous and to the point where many of them insisted that things that might happen in the heat of the moment shouldn’t ever happen. I’d see guys going off about this and I’d be incredulous and really dismayed at such a juvenile and, frankly, ignorant perception and the thing that really irked me – and other bisexual men – was the air of arrogance displayed by some folks and like their being straight made them so much more superior than a bisexual man… and I couldn’t get my head around that given that, um, a bisexual man kinda/sorta obviously knows more about sex than the average straight dude.
This kind of discrimination is responsible for a lot of couples who want to swing becoming very disillusioned about getting into the lifestyle and male sexuality is just one of the many prejudices that can be seen, from body type to age and even race. Why are bisexual men so shunned in the lifestyle?
It’s because to many, “bisexual” means “homosexual” and, as I’ve been saying, some people just forget – and, perhaps, conveniently so – that bisexual men like women and pussy… and more than they like men and dick.
It’s not that there are some bi guys in a couple who aren’t seriously active in the lifestyle because there are… it’s the overall mindset of the lifestyle that makes Larry ask the question he did. This might even sound like sour grapes but I’d ask you to believe me when I tell you that it isn’t – it’s what I’ve seen and heard and even experienced in the lifestyle and I have no reason to bullshit you about any of it.
Swinging can be a lot of fun and to share sex with other people is a bold way to express one’s desire for more sex that being monogamous allows; I’m just the guy who’ll tell you some of the shit you might come across and that being in the lifestyle isn’t as open as you might think it is.