I was… mystified while listening to a voicemail message from my nephrologist’s office. Apparently, now he wants me to consult with my urologist about the cysts and… I’m wondering not only why but also why he’s done a 180 about seeing the urologist in the first place.
As I call the office to speak with the staffer who called me, I’m wondering if he’s having an “Oh, shit!” moment but I wasn’t going to speculate – let’s see what this is about. I get connected to her and I let her know that I’m “confused” because I was just there the other day, we talked about everything, and agreed that unless there’s a problem, there’s no need for me to undergo the procedure to remove the cysts and, as such, no need for me to see my arch-nemesis.
She’s… “confused” because she thought that he had told me about this – and he didn’t but he wants me to set up this consult so that the urologist is aware of what’s going on; she told me that they sent my chart over to the urologist’s office and my first thought was, “Okay, that should tell that jerk what’s going on…” and my second thought was, “You’re being stupid about this; his (my nephrologist) recommendation makes sense because if something surgical needs to be done, the urologist will be up to speed and all that. And we rescheduled my appointment from a year from now to six months from now. Prudent and sensible… but.
Not an “Oh, shit!” moment but if you’ve been following this thread, you know how I feel about the urologist – and I let the woman I was talking to know about this (and because I knew she’d write it down so it can go in my chart) and, yeah, sure, I could see another urologist in the practice but, again, my arch-nemesis already knows some stuff about me. My nephrologist wants me to make this consult appointment “as soon as possible” but, yeah, not feeling that at this moment, not with the holidays coming up so I will, reluctantly, make the appointment in the new year, which will give me a bit of time to temper – or set aside – my animosity towards my arch-nemesis because my continued health takes precedence over everything else.
I’m up and running around starting the morning routine and I’m thinking about if there was a doctor who, basically, traumatized me and it took me a moment to remember a dentist who I called, “Dr. Kill Pain” and for obvious reasons. In the area, he was a preferred dentist because (1) he was inexpensive and (2) you could walk in and get whatever treatment needed right away… but. I recalled the few times he had to pull a tooth and, this one time, I actually punched him because of the pain he was causing me and his insistence that I couldn’t be in pain, and I needed to stop acting like a little girl and hold still and I whacked him again because no one gets to talk to me like that. After that, I’d go to the more expensive dentists and would learn that he had pulled teeth that he could have saved and when I mentioned his name, well, those doctors knew who I was talking about, and professionalism kept them from telling me how they really felt about this man – but what they did say wasn’t what I would call nice.
But, since I was never going back to his practice, I got over the trauma and pain he caused me; I even got over him not doing more to save the teeth he’d pulled and life went on… until that fateful moment where my urine test revealed microscopic traces of blood and… I got introduced to a new and different trauma and unlike nothing else I’ve ever experienced.
I’m bustling around in the kitchen, washing a couple of dishes and setting up the morning coffee and tea and my mind is… divided about having to see the arch-nemesis again. The logical and sensible part of my mind is saying, “Look, all that shit happened and it’s done and over with. You were right about not having bladder cancer and he was wrong; get over it and focus on the important issues at hand!”
The other part of my mind was saying, “Yeah, what-the-fuck-ever. That asshole put us through some shit that wasn’t even necessary and I’m sure that you really haven’t forgotten what it felt like to be pissing huge blood clots, have you?”
14 December 22
This got cut short because my computer decided to do a bunch of updates requiring a reboot and… I wasn’t gonna wait for it to do that. I’m not looking forward to having to see my arch-nemesis and I just might ask to see a different urologist in the practice but that means going through some stuff so that they can get the familiarity with me that my arch-nemesis already has… but I will make the appointment no matter what.
And, no, I have not forgotten what it felt like to be pissing huge blood clots. I might have a few enemies left who should experience this.
I see the sense in removing the cysts and more so if, again, they might impact the two endografts I have implanted that repaired the abdominal aortic aneurysm I had. My vascular surgeon, as of my last visit and MRI, didn’t have an “Oh, shit!” moment and I’m sure my nephrologist didn’t have one, but his recommendation is… prudent as far as “just in case” is called for. I just do not trust my arch-nemesis to do what he did the last time I saw him and have an “Oh, shit!” moment and I don’t trust him to not remove a kidney, which I have learned could be possible and depending on what’s being seen in there through the laparoscope.
Kinda fucked up that I have more fear about this doctor than I do having a disease that has no cure…