Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Debate Continues

As the title indicates, the discussion about bro-jobs is heating up and it’s sliding in the direction of how they don’t happen.  Now, this discussion might seem out-of-place among bisexual and bi-curious guys because one could think that if homey is bi or curios, if a bro-job opportunity came along, at least one guy wouldn’t have any objections; indeed, some guys have said that if their bro asked for one, that works and more so for the guys who are still looking for someone they can have oral sex with for the first time.

I’ve allowed that it makes sense that if a bro-job is needed to cement a bond, as an act of compassion, or just to keep a friend from having a painful case of blue balls, let it happen and have fun… except it’s not that easy because as much as a dude might want to offer/accept a bro-job, his image becomes an all-important factor.  There are, no doubt, guys who wouldn’t object to a bro-job except there’s the whole “Is it gay?” thing to contend with and that alone is enough to stop a bro-job from ever happening and it’s the same thing that also happens to keep guys eager to take the plunge sitting on the side of the pool and comes in the form of a question (and is tacked onto the question of being gay):

“What if someone finds out that I did this?”

It’s not as if this isn’t a legitimate concern for some guys but for the most part, it’s a paranoid one that will make most guys overlook something, namely, there are only two ways someone is gonna find out that you and your bro sucked each other’s dick and that’s if you happen to get caught doing it or one of you tells someone else.  Otherwise, how would anyone know that this went down?  Now, some guys throw it down and are worried about it being found out and that can affect their behavior to the point where someone can look at them and tell that something ain’t quite right with them and could generate a question like, “Dude, are you okay?  Ya look like something’s bothering you!”  It’s not like a guy facing this question is gonna answer it honestly; it’ll be like, “Yeah, I’m good – I was just thinking about something but it’s no big deal…” and then hope that the inquirer doesn’t press the issue.

Add on to this the original question:  “Is it gay?”  Well, um, yeah, the act itself between men is related to homosexual sexual behavior but also true is that not all men who suck cock (or are sucked by men) are gay… but you can see the direction one’s thoughts can move in.  I have seen guys dance all around this question by saying things like, “Well, if we do it but we don’t cum in each other’s mouth, then it’s not gay!”  If you think this sounds cock-eyed, just remember I’ve told you that if you think women are funny about things sexual, guys can be even funnier.  But while the two guys contemplating a bro-job can convince themselves that it’s true (and it isn’t by current definitions), another thing that gets thought can make sure that the hypothetical bro-job never happens, namely (and loosely), will the other guy think I’m gay because I wanna do this?

And this is despite both guys saying right up front, “You know I’m not gay, right?” and the “typical” response is usually along the lines of, “Yeah, but…” right along with, “Neither am I!” and the “but” is kinda implied.  But a guy caught between having this need taken care of and considering the impact on his self-image, will usually lean toward protecting his self-image.  Again, the logic of the situation can make perfectly good sense… but the emotional things will almost always trump and defeat logic.  Some guys are just very much afraid that exchanging blow jobs with any guy is gonna make them instantly gay – and this doesn’t include all those guys out there who think such an act is an abomination to begin with and they’re not included in this scribble simply because we know they’re out there.

One of the things about this is not only what goes through a guy’s mind if/when this situation appears, but the amount of stuff they’re thinking about in a relatively short period of time.  Because these things tend to happen spontaneously, guys find themselves faced with a decision:  Yea or dude, you can’t be serious!  And in the space of time it takes them to accept or reject, they’ve thought about all the implications I’ve mentioned and many more that I haven’t even said anything about and I’m talking about fractions of seconds.  Now the thought process can be extended into minutes because few guys are gonna come right out and ask for a bro-job; like I said before, they’re gonna tap dance all around asking the important question by dropping a lot of hints and beginning with, “Man, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked right about now!”  On the surface, it could be just wishful thinking… and it could be the opening statement that, hopefully, will get this thing to jump off.  During such discourse, both guys are weighing the pros and cons something fierce; the need is there but is the need greater than the implications?

I’ve been in those moments and have sat and watched guys think this through and it’s both fascinating to watch as much as it can be pretty funny as human nature wars with social programming; I’ve seen guy decide that while it would be nice, it’s not worth being worried about someone finding out or confusing him about his sexuality – and keep in mind that this is them thinking about asking me about this and not me asking them.  Depending on a guy’s emotional state at the time and as well as his current state of sobriety, there’s really no telling what he’s gonna say; even if he were to launch into a “hypothetical” situation, all that really means is that he’s still weighing the pros and cons and requires more input, like – and this is an actual thing I’ve heard – “What would you do if someone asked you to suck their dick?” or “If some dude wanted to blow you, would you let him do it?”  Depending who I’m talking to – and this is an important consideration – I may or may not answer either of the questions… but with certain guys, I’m not beyond fucking with them by saying something like, “I dunno… maybe – it depends.  What would you do?”

Sometimes the matter is dropped because my response – or lack of one – isn’t the one they were expecting and now the prospect is deemed to be too much of a hassle because the other consideration that goes through a guy’s mind is, simply, if we do this, what’s gonna happen to our friendship?  I’ve come across guys who found themselves in a bro-job moment with someone else, they said thanks but no thanks, and the friendship got shut down permanently because their sensibilities were greatly offended.  So while bro-jobs do happen – some guys just decide to go for it and worry about any fallout later – a lot of times, they just don’t happen and while there may be those who feel that if it needs to be done, just do it, this isn’t even as easy as it may appear to be – always keep in mind that guys are more worried about their image than they are anything else.  I’ve heard guys say that they were tempted to go for it… but they didn’t; some actually voiced some regret over not doing it but once the moment has passed, there’s usually no going back to it unless in the rare occasion situation that the other guy has, in the intervening time, decided that giving it a shot isn’t going to fuck things up.

Is this really a sexuality issue?  Depends on the guys involved at that moment but bro-jobs are reportedly between straight men whose sexuality isn’t in question and because this demographic segment is being highlighted, sure, questioning the sexuality of any straight guy willing to get into this seems to be appropriate because, as Oceanswater said in some of her comments yesterday, if a guy is willing to do this, he must be into guys – so why not just admit it and do what you gotta do?  This does, in fact, make sense… except a bro-job can happen and there’s no being into guys anywhere in the picture; it’s just guys being opportunistic if nothing else.  Things have to line up at the right time and in the right way as well as with the right person.  I don’t know how many times I’ve been totally surprised by guys putting a bro-job offer out there; you think you know your friends and know them well but something like this?  If homey is buzzed out of his mind at the time, okay, maybe I’m not all that surprised because I do know how booze can play into this… but still!  Who knew home boy could have a couple of drinks and this thing surfaces?  I’ve had guys come right out and say that if we were to do this, it would make them feel so much better (and about whatever’s bothering them)… and in that short space of time I’ve found myself thinking that I had no idea that he’d even consider asking such a question…

Then again, a bro-job is nothing if not a trust issue.  In hypothetical discussions, I’ve allowed that, no, I wouldn’t say you were gay if you “all of a sudden” wanted something like this to happen – and it’s the truth… but I know that you don’t have to be gay to do this.  The trust isn’t about whether or not a good blow job is gonna be given – the trust is all about whether or not this thing can go down and no one else finds out that it did and when they don’t happen, it’s because the trust isn’t there even when the guy you’re talking to about this is a long-time friend.  You’d trust him with your life if the two of you were on the road and he’s driving… but that’s not enough trust to allow a bro-job to happen, purposely or otherwise.  As mentioned and if nothing else, it’s one sure way to find out just how well you think you know someone and you usually discover that you don’t know them as well as you thought you did.

This is such an interesting topic.  Do bro-jobs happen?  Yes, they do.  Are they always between straight guys?  No, they are not.  Is this really a sexuality issue?  No, not always; as described, bro-jobs don’t seem to include the fact that a lot of bi guys, when looking for their first oral experience, often think about their close friends first – it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t but it’s also true that some guys will automatically exclude their close male friends because scratching that itch isn’t worth losing a good friend over.  That a good friendship could be irrevocably destroyed is usually a damned good reason for a bro-job not to ever happen…

Have a safe and tasty Memorial Day!

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Are Friends For?

This is kinda about the bro job and not so much.  One of the things that reaches my attention are those guys who are itching to get into the game… and they can’t seem to find someone to play with.  A lot of guys’ first experience with this is with a friend and under the “boys will be boys” rule.  Guys who are looking for that first experience do often wonder which of their male friends would be amiable to doing some, ah, grown up experimenting with them while some won’t even consider a friend and probably because it’s too close to home and is deemed too risky – asking a friend for some dick can be a good way to lose that friend.

Then there’s the “rule” that friends don’t have sex with each other and, conversely, the saying that it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t and for guys looking for someone they can play with, this presents a rather frustrating problem… but enter the bro job, that thing that appears to be new but really isn’t but asks the question, “What would you do to help a friend?”  It goes without saying that the answer to this question depends on the level of friendship in play but it’s not really unheard of that under the right conditions, two male friends will help each other out in this way because, after all, what are friends for?

That and I won’t tell if you won’t…

I don’t know how many times I’ve been around guys I considered to be a friend and I’ve heard them say that getting their dick sucked would be a really good thing or expressing that need to fuck someone… but that’s not gonna happen, either at all or not when they need it to be done.  Sometimes, it’s just a guy saying what’s on his mind… and sometimes it isn’t; if you hear this enough, you can almost tell when the other guy is just expressing a desire to bust a nut or he’s kinda/sorta hinting that he might not be opposed to busting that nut with you and, yeah, some guys are just hilarious when it comes to that; I mean, it’s pretty damned obvious they want to ask you if you’d blow them or if they can blow you – and because you are friends and not merely an acquaintance but since they’re not sure how you’d respond to a direct question, oh, yeah, they can make themselves look pretty silly trying to find out without being direct.

When that friend starts asking me what I’d do if a guy asked me to suck his dick, it’s a safe bet he’s not asking me because someone asked him for that favor.  It’s one thing when that friend says, “Man, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked right about now!” and something very different if he keeps saying it (or variations of it) and it’s all I can do not to start laughing and asking, “What are you trying to tell/ask me?”  I have had guys be a bit more direct by asking a hypothetical question, i.e., “If I wanted to suck your dick, what would you say?”  A bit more direct but since this is a “hypothetical” question, not the same as just saying, “I wanna blow you – you okay with that?”

Of course, answering that question depends on whether we’re that tight as friends but the point is that despite the admonishment that friends don’t have sex with friends, it often is better the devil you know than the one you don’t; more than anything else, it’s a trust issue and the question becomes one of who, if anyone, are you most likely to trust with (1) keeping this a secret and (2) doing what you’ve asked them to do?  Even if the answer winds up being, “Nah, man, I ain’t into that!” then it’s a matter of not letting it be known that the proposition was made in the first place.

Whether it’s via poorly constructed hints, a guy won’t “ask” for this without them having a good reason for asking.  Maybe he’s not getting laid as much as he needs to or maybe he’s in some kind of emotional distress over something that can also include being horribly horny and even spanking his monkey isn’t helping at all.  As his friend, you kinda have a choice:  You can either help him out or, in order to protect your own sensibilities, leave him hanging and suffering with whatever has put him in the position to be going through all of the funny stuff to ask you if you’d be willing to get him off in some way – usually manually or orally.  The recipient of this, um, inquiry, can find himself in a quandary and even questioning the extent of the friendship; are you really the kind of friend who’d do almost anything to help a friend that isn’t offing someone or doing something obviously illegal… or is risking their own reputation and sensibilities worth saying yes to the proposition?

It’s a tough decision but with the bro job gaining much visibility, there are some guys who see helping each other out in the way a sensible thing to do – he’s the devil you know.  Nope, it’s not seen as being gay or even bisexual (yeah, right, sure it isn’t) but it’s simply a couple of good bros doing something that neither feel is that big of a deal – if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and, once more, I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?  I’ve seen some guys push this issue a little and along the lines of this particular line:  “If you really loved me, you’d do it!”  Now, this ain’t got shit to do with being in love so the question really is, “If you were really the friend you say you are, you’d help me out!”  There’s a valid point here, isn’t there, but now the response becomes based on whether or not you are, in fact, the good friend you’ve said you are… and some guys decide that, nope, our friendship ain’t that good – sorry, dude.

Would you help a friend who has this need… or would it suck to be them?