Just remembered something else I wanted to scribble about from something I read on the bi guys forum. In this forum, we just don’t talk about the complexities of male bisexuality – we talk about other guy things as well and when I was on the site earlier, I read a post by a guy who, essentially, said that he didn’t have time to masturbate even when he has the urge to. He was asking the membership about when and where be a good time to pull one off…
And I thought that if a guy (or even a gal) couldn’t find or make the time to pleasure themselves, what in the hell are you doing that takes some much time that you couldn’t find a few moments to do that?
Aight, here we go: It’s no secret that people are funny about this particular topic. I’m sure there probably isn’t a guy who hasn’t heard that jerking off could make you go blind and make you grow hair on your palms. The more studious of us probably know that once upon a time, masturbation was considered to be a mental illness and one that had to be cured… and in ways that would have made Torquemada and the Marquis de Sade very happy campers.
Some folks believe it’s a complete waste of time because it gives them no pleasure at all; I’ve heard guys proclaim that they don’t need to spank the monkey because if they wanna bust a nut, that’s what women are for (sorry ladies but that’s what they said); some folks actually believe that masturbation is a sin – and, actually, that’s not true and I recommend doing a Google search on “The Sin of Onan” to find out what his sin really was. Rumor has it that the Catholic Church frowns upon men jerking off because it’s a form of contraception – that prohibition is probably directly responsible for folks believing this was Onan’s sin (and one, if I remember correctly, he got offed for).
To save you a search, Onan’s sin wasn’t that he spilt his seed upon the ground; his crime was failing to conform to a tribal law that required him, upon the death of his brother, to take the late brother’s wife as his own and then fill her with child – and in short order, if ya don’t mind. Onan felt some kind of way about this and he did screw her as mandated but just as he was about to inseminate her, he pulled out and, well, we know where it went and it wasn’t inside her,
Anyway, while there are those who feel and/or believe that choking the chicken is pointless (or whatever), wow, how can a guy who’s not adverse to doing it not find the time to do it? I’ve had some days that have made me wish that a day was longer than twenty-four hours and days where I thought that I didn’t have the time to think about not having the time to do something… but if I had the urge to squeeze one out, yup, I’d find the time to do it and, indeed, as highly stressful some of my days were, going it was necessary stress relief.
Now, I can understand “making an appointment” to get laid – you do have to coordinate this with someone else after all – but, um, making an appointment to massage yourself into erection and then have a nice mess to clean up? Okay, sure, I can see putting it off if you’re in the middle of doing something when the urge hits you; finish whatever you’re doing and then, ahem, take matters into your own hand. Wait, you say you’re at work and that it wouldn’t be appropriate to hit the men’s room, have a seat in a stall, and take care of business? What, you’re at the in-laws or even visiting your family and it wouldn’t seem right to excuse yourself to take care of a personal matter?
Afraid someone’s gonna walk in on you? Worried that someone will think you’re weird for wanting to masturbate in the first place? If so, well, damn…
Someone asked me back in the day if I masturbated – not sure I remember why they asked – but I know they were… disturbed because I said, “Yeah, and every chance I get!”
They seemed confused; wasn’t I married?
“Of course I am… and that means what?”
They inquired that if I was married, then there was no need to jerk off so why do it?
“Two reasons: Because I can and, uh, because it feels good; is there some other reason required or that I don’t know about?”
“You’re weird…,” was their only response and I did wonder why they thought that getting myself off whenever the mood struck me was so unusual. I mean, even though I knew some folks had reasons for not doing it, that seemed to be more weird to me; as it was once suggested, the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all… and even if it’s with yourself.
I didn’t ask the guy who wrote the post what, how, or even why he felt that he didn’t have the time to pleasure himself and I might go back and ask him. I mean, this is one of those things where you don’t need much of a reason to do it and, depending on one’s sense of adventure, can be done almost anywhere and at any time you can get a few moments of privacy (preferred). Now, I’ve seen some clips of guys walking down a busy street and stroking themselves, riding the train or the bus and doing it, stuff like that. Perhaps inappropriate but still makes the point that, yup, any time you can do it is a good time and where you do it, well, that’s up to you.
But if you say, “I wanna do it but I don’t have the time to do it…” well, some inquiring minds wanna know what’s up with dat… and if the answer isn’t, “It takes me too long to cum!” the inquiring minds really wanna know what the deal is.