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Category Archives: Today’s Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: This Shit Again?

A couple of days ago, Cityman shared a couple of links with me, one on the topic of bisexual visibility and the other on why bisexual men are still trying to prove that they exist.  Both linked articles – and I don’t have the URLs handy at this time – were, to me, just another version of the crap that’s been bandied about for the last couple of years, like, the visibility thing that talked more about celebrities fessing up to being bisexual and that one, by itself, was enough to set me off and rhetorically ask Cityman – the recipient of my rant – “Who gives a fuck if some celebrity comes out as being bisexual?”  Yeah, some have “come out” and just because they know the media will descend upon them like vultures on a fresh road kill… and they’re really as bisexual as my cat is really a dog.  Yeah, some celebrities are bisexual… but their visibility in this is way different from the “average person’s” because their notoriety will usually prevent someone from taking them to task for being so immoral in their sexual/emotional behaviors.  So pointing to the visibility of bisexual celebs does nothing for us not-so-famous folks and more so since celebrities have also long since been known to be more kinky than your average person.

Then there’s this – what purpose would greater visibility serve and why is this such a hot button issue or, I should say, still a hot button issue?  Bisexuals have been around since forever, have for the most part been totally invisible despite those historical occurrences where, again, some famous person was known to be bisexual; lacking this fame – and thanks to the raft of shit homosexuals had to endure before their eventual acceptance in society – many bisexuals would prefer to not be in the limelight because one of the greatest fears is being exposed as not being straight… and then mislabeled as really being gay… and who really wants to put up with this shit at every turn?  This particular article stated that bisexual women are more visible but bisexual men, eh, not so much, none of which was new or surprising because my own thoughts have been that women handle this much better than men do and our society does find the thought of two women doing each other highly erotic and, well, it’s just girls being girls.

I pointed out to Cityman that the sexuality issue is a social one, i.e., revamping our outmoded thinking about sex and sexuality to reflect the obvious new reality in play; I then asked him why he thought bisexuality needed to be turned into a political clusterfuck and along the same lines that went down with the acceptance of homosexuality because, in my opinion, not only does this not need to become a political circus, higher visibility doesn’t seem to serve a purpose and more so when visibility doesn’t equate to acceptance, like, I can see a snake but that doesn’t mean that I like snakes or want to handle one.  Maybe not the best analogy I can think of at the moment but it makes the point.  Even if a higher degree of visibility were to happen, there will still be many bisexuals who’d prefer to deal with their sexuality out of the “public eye,” as it were since many of us still feel that how we get our rocks off is a very private matter and not for general consumption.

Then I asked him this:  Who’s really pushing for more bisexual visibility?  A lot of straight folks tend to invoke NIMBY – Not In My Back Yard – meaning that they don’t give a shit about someone being bisexual… unless/until it does wind up in their yard.  That aspects of the LGBTQ community has been pitching a bitch about bisexuality not being real and bisexuals in general has generated a kind of visibility that I wouldn’t exactly describe as good publicity since the angst here only serves to keep a lot of stereotypical claptrap alive, you know, that being confused and greedy shit.  Yes, some homosexuals have zero issues with bisexuals so it cannot be said that all homosexuals have problems with bisexuals… but it still makes me wonder where this push is coming from along with what purpose it’s supposed to serve.

The second article was about bi guys still having to prove that they exist… and that is so patently ridiculous that I no longer roll my eyes over this one.  The article brought up the tired-assed notion that bisexual men are really gay men who are resisting the fact that they are really gay along with the notion that bisexuality is just a stopping point on the road to full homosexuality.  As a bisexual, I don’t need to prove to anyone that I exist because, duh, I obviously do.  Do I have a need to prove it?  Nope… but if you require proof, well, now, I know of a way that would make believers out of doubters, like something I told a guy who said I wasn’t bisexual but really gay:  Go home, get your woman, come back here and let’s all have sex… and then pay close attention to how I’d do her – and you – and not give it a second thought and without any hesitation at all.  As you might expect, um, not many doubters are willing to go along with this proof of concept – but whether someone believe me or not doesn’t really matter as long as I believe it – and I have no reason not to believe that I’m not what I know and say I am.

Attempts to prove this via science are, at least in my opinion, ambiguous; showing people visuals of heterosexual and homosexual behavior kinda/sorta doesn’t prove anything given that watching a sexual act of almost any kind can produce a result of arousal even in people who aren’t bisexual.  You can sit a bisexual down – and good luck getting enough of them together to construct a decent data source – and have them answer very pointed and extensive questionnaires to determine if they’re really bisexual and I don’t know about the researches using this approach but I’d pretty much invalidate much of the results because of one simple fact:  People lie or, to be a bit PC, uh, they’re not very likely to be as truthful and forthcoming as such a study requires.

Given the angst toward homosexual men – again – does any researcher really think or believe that a bisexual man would really admit to it and more so when nine times out of ten, the first thing someone will instantly assume is that homey is really gay and in great denial?  Among bisexual men, there are three main fears (and in no particular order):  Getting outed, catching something nasty, and being misidentified as being homosexual.  Indeed, I’ve found it either troubling or highly amusing that in the discussion about male bisexuals, um, most people forget or overlook the fact that we do also – and in fact – love the shit out of women and pussy because if we didn’t, er, we wouldn’t be bisexual, would we?  Yes, yes, yes – we can get all into that Kinsey scale thing and get into slicing, dicing, and nitpicking degrees of homosexual interest in bisexual men… but if this is taking place (and it does), doesn’t or wouldn’t that suggest that bisexuals – and bisexual men – do really exist?  Tack on the fact that a lot of bisexual men are not fond of the word “bisexual” and it’s both kinda sad and funny that they look like a duck, quack like a duck, won’t admit that they’re that duck.  Any time I see a guy say that he enjoys having sex with men but he’s not bisexual, well, shit… really dude?  So, true enough, there are bisexual men who are, at least in their own words, in a form of denial about being bisexual… doesn’t mean that they don’t exist in that sense.  Indeed, this particular behavior/response is a contradiction.  Many of us hold true that actions speak louder than words do… except when it comes to this, it seems; the contradiction comes when a guy exhibits the actions but insists that since he doesn’t think of himself as being bisexual, then he’s not really bisexual.

And if you think that sounds totally and completely insane, I tend to agree.  Yes, we’re not homosexuals… but we are bisexuals and more so when our actions clearly say this.  And if we are acting in this manner, duh, do we not exist?  Of course we do but this is kinda linked to the visibility issue and the belief that if you can’t “see” a bisexual, then they don’t exist… and that’s even crazier.  If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?  You’d be surprised at how many people will say that it doesn’t – or, if they didn’t hear or see it, it didn’t happen – when, in fact, it does make a noise.  This isn’t Schrödinger’s Cat, you know, kitty is neither dead or alive until observed by an outside observer but this seems to be how some folks are viewing male bisexuality:  Until you prove to us observers that you really do exist, you can’t exist.  Then again, what proof is required?  As mentioned, I know one way to prove it but it’s not exactly scientific, if ya know what I mean.

It is fun though…

Cityman shows me articles like this and I either find that these things are still making the rounds to be woefully sad or downright funny – depends on the mood I’m in at the time.  Cityman says that with visibility comes acceptance and I don’t necessarily agree with that even though it makes sense on paper.  Because what I know (and what he also knows) is that an absence of visibility and acceptance is not gonna stop guys from wanting to get all up close and personal with men and women.  The lack of these things have never stopped this from happening and even with them in place, it’s not gonna stop guys from doing this “under the cover of darkness,” so to speak.   Cityman says that something has to be done in order to strip away the paranoid bullshit surrounding male bisexuality and I agree… but visibility isn’t going to do that, nor is irrefutable proof of male bisexual existence.  What will do it is the wholesale acceptance of the fact – and whether you choose to believe it or not – that there are men who thrive on being intimate (and in any way you care to define this) with both males and females and not necessarily with any real sense of equality.  If/when we can stop making this a moral crime, then, sure, all bisexuals might breathe easier but as long as there are those who maintain that this is an unforgivable and immoral way to be, acceptance will be difficult to achieve.  He – Cityman – says that things have to change and I keep pointing out to him that not only has the change been in progress and way before either of us were born, the change is still in progress because we know even if many others don’t that there are more and more men (and even women) embracing bisexuality – but just because you don’t see it happening doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening and, yeah, even as you read this, someone somewhere in the world is discovering and embracing bisexuality at this moment and if you don’t or can’t believe that, well, that’s on you.

If we can accept that women can be (and are) bisexual, why can’t we accept the same about men?  Is our belief in religious dogma making us not accept this about men, you know, given all the prohibitions against us guys doing shit that, ultimately, is counterproductive to the edict of “go ye forth and multiply?”  Many say that this is the case and even I believe it to be the case because nothing else makes sense.  We take it on faith that religious dogma is the truth… but it really isn’t – it can’t be because it’s pretty damned obvious that not everyone on this big blue marble is heterosexual.  And if this isn’t visibility and proof, I’ll be damned if I know what really constitutes these things.  If you do, in fact, believe that there are no bisexuals, well, you’re wrong and now the question becomes one of why don’t you believe it?

On the issue of bisexuals being in denial about their “true” selves, I submit that we aren’t the ones in denial about this – everyone else is since it’s still being said that we don’t exist and we aren’t what we say we are.

Thus endeth the rant and I’m thinking this won’t be the last time yours truly will be ranting about this so until next time…

 
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Posted by on 11 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Are Friends For?

This is kinda about the bro job and not so much.  One of the things that reaches my attention are those guys who are itching to get into the game… and they can’t seem to find someone to play with.  A lot of guys’ first experience with this is with a friend and under the “boys will be boys” rule.  Guys who are looking for that first experience do often wonder which of their male friends would be amiable to doing some, ah, grown up experimenting with them while some won’t even consider a friend and probably because it’s too close to home and is deemed too risky – asking a friend for some dick can be a good way to lose that friend.

Then there’s the “rule” that friends don’t have sex with each other and, conversely, the saying that it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t and for guys looking for someone they can play with, this presents a rather frustrating problem… but enter the bro job, that thing that appears to be new but really isn’t but asks the question, “What would you do to help a friend?”  It goes without saying that the answer to this question depends on the level of friendship in play but it’s not really unheard of that under the right conditions, two male friends will help each other out in this way because, after all, what are friends for?

That and I won’t tell if you won’t…

I don’t know how many times I’ve been around guys I considered to be a friend and I’ve heard them say that getting their dick sucked would be a really good thing or expressing that need to fuck someone… but that’s not gonna happen, either at all or not when they need it to be done.  Sometimes, it’s just a guy saying what’s on his mind… and sometimes it isn’t; if you hear this enough, you can almost tell when the other guy is just expressing a desire to bust a nut or he’s kinda/sorta hinting that he might not be opposed to busting that nut with you and, yeah, some guys are just hilarious when it comes to that; I mean, it’s pretty damned obvious they want to ask you if you’d blow them or if they can blow you – and because you are friends and not merely an acquaintance but since they’re not sure how you’d respond to a direct question, oh, yeah, they can make themselves look pretty silly trying to find out without being direct.

When that friend starts asking me what I’d do if a guy asked me to suck his dick, it’s a safe bet he’s not asking me because someone asked him for that favor.  It’s one thing when that friend says, “Man, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked right about now!” and something very different if he keeps saying it (or variations of it) and it’s all I can do not to start laughing and asking, “What are you trying to tell/ask me?”  I have had guys be a bit more direct by asking a hypothetical question, i.e., “If I wanted to suck your dick, what would you say?”  A bit more direct but since this is a “hypothetical” question, not the same as just saying, “I wanna blow you – you okay with that?”

Of course, answering that question depends on whether we’re that tight as friends but the point is that despite the admonishment that friends don’t have sex with friends, it often is better the devil you know than the one you don’t; more than anything else, it’s a trust issue and the question becomes one of who, if anyone, are you most likely to trust with (1) keeping this a secret and (2) doing what you’ve asked them to do?  Even if the answer winds up being, “Nah, man, I ain’t into that!” then it’s a matter of not letting it be known that the proposition was made in the first place.

Whether it’s via poorly constructed hints, a guy won’t “ask” for this without them having a good reason for asking.  Maybe he’s not getting laid as much as he needs to or maybe he’s in some kind of emotional distress over something that can also include being horribly horny and even spanking his monkey isn’t helping at all.  As his friend, you kinda have a choice:  You can either help him out or, in order to protect your own sensibilities, leave him hanging and suffering with whatever has put him in the position to be going through all of the funny stuff to ask you if you’d be willing to get him off in some way – usually manually or orally.  The recipient of this, um, inquiry, can find himself in a quandary and even questioning the extent of the friendship; are you really the kind of friend who’d do almost anything to help a friend that isn’t offing someone or doing something obviously illegal… or is risking their own reputation and sensibilities worth saying yes to the proposition?

It’s a tough decision but with the bro job gaining much visibility, there are some guys who see helping each other out in the way a sensible thing to do – he’s the devil you know.  Nope, it’s not seen as being gay or even bisexual (yeah, right, sure it isn’t) but it’s simply a couple of good bros doing something that neither feel is that big of a deal – if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and, once more, I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?  I’ve seen some guys push this issue a little and along the lines of this particular line:  “If you really loved me, you’d do it!”  Now, this ain’t got shit to do with being in love so the question really is, “If you were really the friend you say you are, you’d help me out!”  There’s a valid point here, isn’t there, but now the response becomes based on whether or not you are, in fact, the good friend you’ve said you are… and some guys decide that, nope, our friendship ain’t that good – sorry, dude.

Would you help a friend who has this need… or would it suck to be them?

 
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Posted by on 7 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “So Now…”

…that you’ve promised not to tell if they won’t, what’s next?  Well, that depends on whatever the oath of secrecy was invoked for, from something simple as “I’ll show you mine and you show me yours” to, um, things that are, ah, more involved up to and including touching, tasting, and inserting.

Growing up, the main – and probably only reason – to invoke the oath was to satisfy that curiosity about the sex thing and more so – and as I’ve said hundreds of times – when you were told that boys ain’t supposed to do that shit with each other… even if, historically, it’s just boys being boys and an almost instinctive response to that incredible rush of hormones that’ll hit us like the proverbial Mack truck.  It has nothing to do with the things that become important to us when we reach adulthood; nope, this is all about finding out why boys shouldn’t do it to/with other boys as well as why this is such a horrific thing to do.

Even as adults, we will invoke the oath – and not because someone is literally beat us until sitting down becomes an impossibility but because some people don’t want to understand why a guy surrounded by a plethora of pussy would want to play with another guy’s dick and they tend to make one’s life as miserable as possible for a major rules violation doing this.  Ah, but when younger…

It’s both scary as anything experienced to date and more exhilarating than waking up Christmas morning and finding more shit with your name on it than your young mind could comprehend.  Pants and underwear get pulled down and taken off and, yep, the other guy has some stuff between his legs that’s similar to what you have between your legs so now it’s about doing whatever invoking the oath entailed, from reaching out and touching it to putting it in your mouth… and if you’ve already done these things before – and chances are good that between the two of you, this isn’t the first time the oath has been invoked – it’s about climbing on top of each other and “doing the nasty” until it feels really good and strange… or something happens that seems to always make you feel like you’re about to die and all that yellow-white stuff makes an appearance.

Such things are about as wrong as anything can get – or so we were told, anyway, but when the oath has been invoked the participants know they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing even though, ahem, it really, really feels good to be doing such a bad thing.  If you’ve done it to girls (not an easy thing to do) you kinda innately understand that doing it to a boy isn’t all that different – that stick it in someplace and move up and down thing works on both, just like having someone put your thing in their mouth and sucking on it isn’t very different from when a girl does it (and good luck to you if you can get her to do that).  It’s that sex thing that grownups repeatedly tell us that we should not ever do until, one, we’re grown up enough to do and, two, only when we really care about or love someone – and, preferably, a girl.

But because we’ve invoked the oath and specifically for the reason to find out about this sex thing, one, we must obviously be old enough to do it even if we don’t truly understand what we’re doing and, two, well, dude, I like you and all that… and let’s leave it at that and do this again.  And we can do this again… because I won’t tell if you won’t is still in effect.  In those younger days – and especially if you grew up in the times that I did – the next worst thing than getting caught doing it to each other was finding out that you didn’t keep your promise to not tell anyone what you did with each other.  In the adult world, such a betrayal can have catastrophic consequences but in the younger areas of operation, at the least, you’ll lose a friend or, at the worst, get into a fight… or even worse, now you gotta find someone else to do this with and with the hope that, unlike that other snitch, the next guy you invoke the oath with won’t go running around telling everyone they come across that the two of you did something that you weren’t supposed to do, let alone know about.  Finding someone who won’t snitch might be difficult and you’ll most certainly wind up getting your head handed to you at every turn by your peers who can be quite ruthless and without mercy… then again, having that oath broken might also get you a lot of attention, too, and from other guys who have their own curiosity about why boys should never do it to boys and, really, is there such a thing as too much investigation into this?

Nah… not really.

In the adult world, such discretion is taken as a given and goes without saying although some guys who have much to lose if anyone else finds out, will point out that, um, it wouldn’t go well for them if word of what’s about to happen should get out to the wrong people.  It’s considered to be a great breach of etiquette to kiss and tell but, as mentioned yesterday, there are ways to do this without getting into specifics that might reveal the other guy’s identity and, besides, when you’ve done this, wow, it’s almost like you just gotta tell someone about it… provided there’s anyone you could tell, that is.  Along with “I won’t tell if you won’t,” we also invoke “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and the variant of even if you ask, I’m still not telling.  But just as in the younger iterations of this, once the oaths have been given and accepted, it’s all about doing whatever was negotiated for and, hopefully, not giving much thought to the shit storm that could possibly crop up if those wrong people find out that you just spent the last half-hour – or more than that – getting your rocks off with another guy.

Cityman said to me, “It would be easier on us if everyone would stop being prudes and just accept the fact that men having sex with other men is a natural thing to do.  If only we could be more open about it…”  And he’s right even though we continue to have this angst and in the face of the obvious fact that men have sex with other men whether they’re gay or bisexual.  But until we can get our heads out of our respective asses about this, invoking “I won’t tell if you won’t” remains a necessity.  It just wouldn’t go over well for a guy who’s respected in his community and by his peers to learn that one of his favorite things to do is to dress up in lingerie and spend some time on his knees sucking cock and being gleefully sodomized and inseminated, would it?  When you’re much younger, peer respect and establishing your own reputation, wow, I just cannot express how important that is so, nah, it’s not gonna help your rep if your peers find out that while you’re known to chase skirts to the ends of the earth, you’re not exactly opposed to swallowing a load of spunk, putting a load into some dude’s butt, or taking a load yourself.  It’s just not gonna look good for anyone else to discover that one of your favorite things to do with other guys is to get together with a bunch of them so they all can fuck you… and because that just thrills you to no end and part of that thrill is that you ain’t supposed to be doing that shit in the first place.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies… and if you won’t tell anyone that I’d love it if we could get naked and suck each other’s dick until we both cum, I won’t tell anyone either…

 
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Posted by on 4 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “I Won’t Tell If You Won’t”

I was sitting here re-reading my scribbles on the bro job and something popped into my head about the moment a bro job is about to happen.  It’s something I’ve heard from other guys as well as saying it to confirm that what’s about to happen will be handled discretely.  Now, this phrase isn’t always about a prelude to sex but I’ve also heard it – and confirmed discretion – for guys who want to tell me without anyone else knowing that, um, they like dick in some way.  Sometimes a bisexual’s greatest fear is being outed or otherwise ratted on for a “rules violation” – thinking about crossing the line or being on the verge of doing just that.  No one really wants to be outed and more so if it’s not on their own terms… but, sure, guys who are perhaps minutes away from pulling the trigger with another guy just might ask this question or require you to say it as if taking an oath of silence, as it were.

Hmm, let’s see… you want to engage in oral sex with me and I don’t have anything against that… so it kinda makes sense that if I want to do this, not telling that it happened is warranted.  I can’t imagine someone asking, “If I wanted to suck your cock, you’re not gonna tell anyone are you?” and the reply is, “Man, I’m gonna tell everybody I know!”  Not saying that it’s not possible because, um, some dudes are bigger and worse gossips than women can be and nothing would make them happier than to get some drama going that’s gonna embarrass the shit out of someone.

And speaking of gossip, wow, I don’t know how many times the fellas have been hanging out and someone mentioned that this guy asked to have sex with him and he told him no fucking way (or so he says because, you know, we’ve been known to lie like rugs about that).  So much for “I won’t tell if you won’t” huh?  Some guys might get propositioned and, indeed, won’t mention it even if he turned down the proposition – this, too, can be embarrassing since people have a tendency to believe perception more than the actual truth so if “Larry” told someone that a guy offered him a blow job and he turned it down, the person he’s talking to will likely figure that “Larry” is lying and he let some dude give him some head… and probably returned the favor as well.

Growing up, this was very serious and damn near sacred; it was about trust issues among a bunch of guys who hadn’t yet learned what a trust issue was.  I don’t recall how many times I’ve heard a guy say that he wants to have sex with me but the thing he’s worried about isn’t getting caught – it’s whether or not something is gonna be said to others.  I’ve had guys blurt out, “I want you to do it to me!” and turn right around and say, “Forget I said that – you’re not gonna tell anybody I said that, are you?”  First, ya can’t “unhear” that… but telling someone?  I mean, sure, you’d be ratting them out but because it was said to you, uh, now ya might have others looking at you strangely even if you didn’t do anything.

 

With consideration to the bro job, “I won’t tell if you won’t” remains sacred and, really, it’s no one else’s business if straight guys “Bruce” and “Jake” found themselves in a situation where sucking each other’s cock was warranted, necessary, and even needed.  Does it really sound that far-fetched that a guy can get into a bro job moment and the only condition is not telling anyone else that it happened?  And, um, if the two guys keep their word and not tell anyone else that it happened, er, ah, doesn’t that kinda open up the possibility that it could happen again and especially if it was da bomb the first time?

Shit… I won’t tell if you won’t…

 
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Posted by on 3 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Chomping at the Bit

I take my daily trip to the bi guy forum to see what the guys are talking and asking about and during today’s visit, I was reminded of how many guys on this site are, as the title of this scribble says, chomping at the bit but are still at the gate and unsure how to get out of said gate.  A lot of these guys ask what I’d call good questions, like, what does it feel like to suck a dick or what does it feel like to get screwed?  They ask if it’s better to give than receive and, recently, whether or not men are better at sucking cock than women (and why).

I see a lot of guys respond to various topics with variations of, “I haven’t done anything yet but I really want to!” and someone invariably asks the question, “What are you waiting for?” – and the answer to this one seems to be automatic with those who’ve yet to take that initial plunge or those who are returning to the fold after a long absence:  They’re married and don’t want to cheat, looking for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now, afraid of being outed, afraid of catching something, and even saying that as far as they know, there are no other bi guys in their area… but they’re not really looking.

One thing that makes me frown a lot are those guys who haven’t done a thing in this arena developing preconceived notions and, for the most part, based on word of mouth stuff and from guys who have no actual experience themselves.  A lot of these guys watch gay porn and it’s always been my opinion that, in this, gay porn is a poor teaching tool.  Like, one guy asked today if it’s better to have a guy’s cock in your mouth when he cums… or is it better for him to aim at your mouth and shoot from there… and my eyes rolled before I was even aware of what they were doing.  A few respondents pointed out – and correctly so – that aiming at the mouth in the happy moment is all for show – the infamous money shot porn almost has to make more visible to prove that someone busting a nut isn’t faked (even though sometimes it is).  One guy commented, “What about condoms?” – and someone replied that if the guy you’re sucking is using a condom, um, you’re not gonna get a mouthful of sperm.  What he didn’t say is the thing one can see in porn – the guy strapped up is handling his business, gets to happy time, rips off the condom and lets it fly, gives the other person a facial, deposits their load onto a waiting tongue, stuff like that…. which, of course, defeats the whole safe sex purpose of wearing the condom in the first place, doesn’t it?

The thing that got me was the number of guys who responded by saying that even though they’ve never sucked a dick, it’s better to have the dick in your mouth when the other guy cums… and I asked my coffee cup, “If they’ve never done it, how would they know?”

Seems like a dumb question, doesn’t it?  The obvious answer is that if you watch porn, well, you can see it… sometimes… but what these guys don’t get is that not only is sucking a cock (and some of those huge monsters seen in porn) not as easy as it looks, neither is taking a load of sperm but, yeah, it sure does look hot and exciting on whatever screen one uses to view such things, doesn’t it?  One guy said that he hasn’t sucked cock yet but he wouldn’t mind getting a facial… and a couple of guys who have gotten a facial said that it’s all fun and games until you get spunk in your eyes or, worse, getting shot in the face and wind up with sperm in your nose because you breathed in at the most wrong time.

Now, using one’s imagination isn’t a bad thing and there’s a school of thought that says that if you can imagine a thing, you can do a thing… but I see so many guys on this site chomping at the bit and they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into or, accurately, what it is they want to get themselves into.  Indeed, some guys are stuck at the gate because they realize that they have no idea what it’ll be like, which plays into the whole thing of theory being all fine and dandy but practical application is a horse of another color.  They understand this and it makes them hesitant to storm out of the gate; one guy wrote that he was hesitant to give a guy a blow job… because he was afraid he was gonna like it.

Does that sound a bit nutty?  Perhaps… but it is a valid concern with some of these guys because if they suck a cock for that first time and find that it’s even more fun than they could have imagined, well, that’s a problem because it says something about them that they might not really want to admit to themselves.  One guy started a topic about deep throating big dicks and along the lines of is it hard to do and does it make your throat hurt.  Someone commented that to be able to do this takes a lot of practice and it can make your jaws hurt… but no one pointed out the potential danger in this or how one’s natural gag reflex can kick in and make eating all of a huge dick, ah, interesting and more so if one had the misfortune of having a full stomach before attempting the sword-swallowing trick.  Again, if you watch porn, you can see how easy some “models” do it… and how many “models” come really close to having their last meal pay them a visit.

A lot of guys chomp at the bit and the only thing keeping them from turning their fantasies into reality is finding guys with ginormous cocks because they’ve somehow managed to convince themselves that guys with average sized cocks are incapable of giving them the pleasure they seek and the biggest thing I see on a daily basis are all the guys who have the bit in their mouth but remain at the gate because they make this more difficult than it really is.  They have an aversion to casual sex and, strangely, it’s the single guys who take issue with hook-up sex and will pass up willing guys in favor of a more relationship-sex kind of thing.  I keep seeing guys asking why it’s so hard to find another guy to have sex with and all they have to do is look at the conditions they’ve put in place and answer their own question and I’ve even asked them why it is that they go out of their way to make something they want to do almost impossible to do.

Visiting this site is rather educational.  I get to keep learning the things that keep guys chomping at the bit while locking themselves into the gate.  People tend to focus on what two guys do with each other and assume that if “Pete” wanted to have sex with a man, well, he’s just gonna rush out there and do it and with reckless abandon… when the truth is quite different.  I don’t doubt that the “virgins” on this site very much want to suck cock and find out whether men suck dick better than women do; I’m sure they really do want to find out whether taking a hard cock in the ass is going to feel as good – or hurt as much – as they’ve been told or have imagined.  But as long as they keep creating reasons for staying at the gate, well, they’re just gonna be stuck, aren’t they?  The guys at the gate who cite safety as their main reason for remaining a virgin in these things do, in fact, make a very good point because who really wants to catch something?  But even as I’ve pointed out to them, um, that’s what they make condoms for, isn’t it?  If you use them religiously – and even when giving/receiving head – well, it’s been proven to eliminate the chance of getting infected by anything.

What makes me shake my head with great sadness are the number of men who not only know this but understand it… and they remain at the gate, chomping at the bit just the same…

 
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Posted by on 14 November 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Is There a Difference?

So, the other day, there was an interesting conversation on the big guys’ forum about whether or not a FWB thing could be established and with the thread’s author thinking it was impossible.  At some point in the discussion, a few of the participants said that having a FWB was different from having a fuck buddy and after reading what they were saying about this, well, I just had to chime in.

I’ve had a lot of people explain this to me (and because I’ve asked them) and the ‘general consensus’ is that the FWB relationship is one that’s all about the perks or being in a traditional relationship but accepting none of the responsibilities.  A fuck buddy is someone you “simply” have sex with whenever that happens and is not to be confused with the somewhat anonymous, spur of the moment hookup.

At least to me, both of these things – which are really the same thing to me – require a degree of friendship-like behavior which may or may not include other things the participants might have in common.  The guys who said they’re looking for a FWB they can hang out with and even when sex isn’t on the table and the guys who were saying the same thing about a fuck buddy made me ask them what the difference was other than semantics; it just seems to me that FWB is a more PC and polite term for a fuck buddy.

Some guys said that the different is friendship and that if the sex goes away with a fuck buddy, so does the association but if the sex goes away in an FWB situation, it’s possible they could still be friends… but they failed to mention or recognize that this same thing could be true between fuck buddies and that these two things have a common denominator, that being the avoidance of any emotional attachment deeper than lust and liking each other enough to have sex.

Some said the difference was all about whether the other guy was into you, which the FWB gang said was important but I asked who has sex with someone they don’t have any some degree of interest in… even if that interest is just lust?  I pointed out that it seemed to me that people who have issues with casual sex – aka the hookup – would prefer a more meaningful situation because sex without investment is, indeed, deems to be empty and meaningless.

And while a single source for sex is preferred and even safer, um, if you can get the milk without buying the whole damned cow, well, that works, doesn’t it?  So it’s still about having all of the perks while avoiding any of the responsibilities, in this case, emotional attachment.  But, um, if you keep having sex with someone enough, doesn’t a deeper connection happen because, along the way, you keep learning more about each other?  And this is, generally, at odds with most bi guys who insist that anything that looks like a relationship is to be avoided at all costs.

Kinda makes me ask why you’d want to get into a situation that could evoke the one thing you don’t want to happen?  And isn’t it true that most folks would not like discovering that the person they’ve been having sex with has no other interest in them other than fucking them?  Oh, yeah, isn’t it also said that friends don’t and should never fuck each other?

If there’s a difference, it’s just semantics and even yet another example of something else, i.e., that actions speak louder than words… but in this, aren’t they saying that their words are speaking louder than their actions?

 
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Posted by on 28 September 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Absence of Evidence…”

“…isn’t evidence of absence.”  I first saw this rather odd saying in a book I’ve come to love reading and it took my brain a few moment to make sense of this phrase and it’s along the same lines of a couple of other phrases I’ve heard along the way, like, just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you and one of the more confusing – but delightful ones – “A difference which makes no difference is no difference.”

The scribbling came about as some thoughts about closeted bisexuals popped into my head and how our society seems to be desperately trying to identify all the bisexuals they can locate and, perhaps, so this “mysterious” aspect of human sexuality can be better quantified, studied, and explained.  The problem with this is rather simple:  First, find some bisexuals to study.  This brings on the first additional problem:  How can you tell if someone is bisexual?  Sure, you can ask bisexuals to step forward and volunteer the needed information anonymously and some bisexuals are willing to do that but, obviously, many more aren’t.

So the phrase I opened this up with could be interpreted as, “Just because you don’t see a bisexual doesn’t mean there aren’t bisexuals” for this context because many people are as bisexual as the day is long… and few people know this.  When conversing with the guys on the bi forum about how one can find a fellow bisexual to play with, I often tell them that this can be so difficult that you could be standing right next to another bi guy and not be aware of it in any way.  Not to be deliberately stereotypical, but there are some gay men who, upon seeing them, you just know are gay and simply because they go out of their way to make sure you know that they are.  They are “the type” everyone speaks of when, let’s say, “Dave” tells “Gene” that he’s bisexual and loves sucking dick and “Gene” replies, “You don’t look like the type!”

Even I have responded to this statement with, “What does the type look like?”  A rhetorical question, of course, because I know what the type looks like and therein lies the problem when trying to study bisexuality and trying to find someone you can do some stuff with because bisexuals look and behave just like everyone else and are presumed straight until proven otherwise.  Now, some folks have a problem with this aspect of bisexual behavior – they call it having straight privilege and the ranting and raving about this is laughable and, often, rather petty and pathetic and I’ll tell you why it is in the next paragraph.

It’s about what I call “default behavior.”  See, straight folks are… straight; we know how straight folks behave for the most part but you’ll see the moment when the flaw in this thinking gets exposed.  Everything they do is heterosexually oriented, right?  Likewise, we also know how gay folks behave and, again, you’ll see the flaw but, yeah, everything they do is homosexually oriented.  Bisexuals take this perception – and generally accepted behaviors – and throws them out the closest window because our default behavior is heterosexual when we’re not behaving as homosexuals.  For some reason I don’t pretend to understand yet, there are some folks who just seem to forget that bisexuals are two-sided individuals and they pay more attention to our homosexual behavior than they do the fact that, again, when we’re not doing something homosexual, we’re doing pretty much everything else in a heterosexual mode or it’s our default behavior.

They see it as a privilege of some kind and they take umbrage with our ability to blend in with the heteronormative world when, in fact, we never stopped doing things heteronormatively so we’re not really hiding behind some imagined privilege – we’re just doing what we’ve always been doing… except when we do that other thing we like to do and, oh, yeah, that’s all predicated on being able to have the motive, means, and opportunity (MMO) to do it; some of us do, many do not so since not all bisexuals “act” like bisexuals, it’s like John Cena says:  “You can’t see me!”  The funny thing about this is that even if we wanted everyone to see us, you still couldn’t look at us and tell that we’re bisexual; you can reasonably accept that, yes, we do behave as homosexuals if and when we can but we’re also just as straight as everyone who is straight is.

The flaw I mentioned is that because of our default behavior, it can be reasonably assumed that not every straight person who says they’re straight is as straight as they’re allowing; it gets a bit funnier because not every gay person you may encounter is as gay as they say they are, either… but the issue becomes one of if you don’t know this or they don’t demonstrate any of the expected behaviors, um, how would you or anyone else know?  The crazy thing is that, I dunno, bisexuals are expected to behave in a certain way and it discounts the fact that whatever we’re doing in our day-to-day lives is the way we behave.  Not all bisexuals are gonna sign up for the next PRIDE event, not gonna participate in a rally to support the LGBTQ initiative and, thanks to the angst that’s currently in place about being bisexual, the fewer people who know this about them, the better because we, on the whole, just don’t behave nicely to discover that the guy or gal you know and thought to be wholly straight really isn’t.  We have this “mindset” in place that you’re either straight or gay – hence that bullshit about picking a side and staying on it – and the truth can be found in the form of the phrase I opened this up with and simplified:

Just because you don’t see us doesn’t mean we’re not here… and have always been here.  And, yes:  Many bisexuals are quite happy to not plaster a “sign” on themselves that screams, “I”m bisexual!” – but because they have reason not to advertise this fact about themselves doesn’t mean they’re any less bisexual than the ones who are out and don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about their bisexuality.  I mean, even with bisexuals who are out, um, how would you know unless you asked them because bisexuals who are out don’t really behave any differently than those bisexuals who prefer to remain in the closet.

What does the type look like… and how is the type supposed to behave?  Methinks that because we – bisexuals – have a gay side, it’s being assumed that this is the part of our behavior that we should always put on display and if you think that’s insane, well, you know like I do.  So, on the one hand, one can reasonably understand that if there are folks out there who aren’t obviously being bisexual, then how can there be such a creature as a bisexual?  People have this thing going on that if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist but I tend to liken this to the question of whether or not a tree that falls in a forest makes a noise if no one is there to hear it; the answer is that it does make a noise whether you’re there to hear it or not and if you don’t believe this to be true, ya might want to brush up on some science shit you should have learned back in junior high school about gravity, falling objects, mass times acceleration, you know, physics-type stuff.  If I drop a penny off of the Empire State Building, do I really need to see it to know that it fell?  And will it make a noise when it eventually hits something?

Now… most people really don’t give a fuck about whether there are bisexuals or not; if you are, more power to ya and even more power at your command if you don’t include me in any of this shit.  There are, in fact, gay folks who don’t have an issue with bisexuals because if nothing else, we have an idea of what it’s like to be homosexual if only in deed more than thought.  But, sadly, there are those factions who, despite logical discourse, want to insist that bisexuals don’t exist, shouldn’t exist and if we really do exist (and, um, duh, we really do), then why don’t we all come out of the closet and show everyone this?  What they don’t seem to get is that even the most closeted bisexual is still very much visible; like I said, you could be standing next to me and even talking to me about something and unless I mentioned it – or you were able to intuitively sense it (like gaydar), you wouldn’t have a clue that not only do I love engaging with women, I also love engaging with men.  So we’re not really all that invisible and not having a desire to take out a lot of billboards and announce to one and all that we’re bisexual still doesn’t mean we don’t exist because, after all, absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.  Or, ah, just because I don’t tell you I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual, ya know?

No:  This doesn’t mean that if you have something against bisexuality you need to get with the program or some shit like that; still, if you believe that bisexuals don’t really exist or even shouldn’t, hmm, maybe you’d want to take a close look at that which you believe and, yes, there’s a difference between having an opinion and believing that something is true when there’s evidence that says it isn’t true… but that’s the big problem with bisexuality, isn’t it?  Supposedly, there’s no evidence, right?  You see the issue here, don’t you?  Ah, but it’s like what I tend to say at times:  There is no freaking way in hell that of all the billions of people in the world right now, I’m the only bisexual who exists in this world.  We just assume and/or take for granted that if there’s one of something, there is more of something… except when it comes to bisexuality… and if that sounds insane, well, now you know just like I do.

 
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Posted by on 25 September 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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