I vividly remember the first time I actually saw two girls “doing it” to each other. I’d found myself hanging out with them one hot, boring, summer day because my male friends were conspicuous by their absence and while I could have gone off alone to roam aimlessly around, bleh, I wasn’t feeling it. So myself and two other girls who lived in our ‘hood just kinda hung out, trying to figure out what we could do to keep ourselves occupied and more so when we’d been “evicted” from our homes and told to go outside, get some air, and play.
And stay out of trouble.
That one of them said, “We should go to a place and do the nasty…” didn’t surprise me because I’d long since realized that whenever we got bored silly, um, there was really only one thing to do. And while there were a lot of times when our gatherings were of mixed company, I felt some… panic because I’d never been the only guy in the presence of two girls who wanted to do it – there was usually another guy in the group.
It was an exciting moment albeit one I wasn’t truly able to wrap my head around for a great many more years but, okay, they wanted to do it and I was the “king” of wanting to do it (at least in my own mind) so off we went to one of our infamous “clubhouses” (vacant apartment buildings) so we could do it. That I was gonna get to do it to both of them was exciting enough… but what never crossed my mind was them doing it to each other.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t heard that girls were doing the same thing us guys were doing – I had and even I couldn’t figure out how that would work and asking the girls in our little sex-crazed gang usually resulted in a lot of funny looks, eye-rolling, and giggling. But this day, here I was on the second floor of one our more frequented places and watching two girls, well, making love to each other.
Kissing. Rubbing. Touching… and going down on each other. They were so engrossed with each other that I was pretty sure they’d forgotten that I was even there and at the moment they started to lick each other “down there,” um, well, hmm, let’s say that it had an explosive effect on me and one that I was kinda glad they were too busy with each other to notice. I felt… inadequate and, again, it was a feeling I wouldn’t really understand until later in life but it was clear to me – and once they remembered I was there, naked, and hard – that my skills at eating pussy was woefully pitiful compared to what I had observed and, yeah, being told that I could do much better.
Rumors of girls doing it to each other were one thing… but now I had proof that it was true and I didn’t look at girls the same way ever again. We spent a lot of time doing it and as we finally wore each other out – and my dick refused to get hard again – we left the place but I was warned by them to never tell anyone else what I’d seen them do. The two of them clued me into some stuff, like, girls almost routinely did it with each other because, for them, it was safer than doing it with boys who were shooting the baby making stuff (like me) and I could tell that they meant no offense when they said that girls do it better than boys ever could.
As I grew up, there was a lot of interest in girls who’d do it with both boys and girls but it was always rumor, speculation and if you were dumb enough to ask a girl about it, well, you’d be lucky to survive it. Even when I grew into adulthood, well, sure – knew for a fact that girls had sex with each other but I also knew that, at least in my neck of the woods, you never really heard about it except a lot of nasty-assed comments from guys who asked a girl for sex and got turned down (and sometimes brutally) so those bitches had to be one of those man-hating lezzies/bull dykes that everyone would riff about from time to time.
There’s a mystique that surrounds the bisexual woman and one that probably is perpetrated by men as well as one that’s not appreciated by bisexual women since the much-dreaded word, threesome, would be thrown at them and under the assumption that if a woman liked both, well, it “made sense” for them to want both at the same time, right?
Not even. Sure… some bisexual women do enjoy group sex situations but not as a matter of course and I learned that if you didn’t have an idea about how women look at sex, well, bringing up that word could get you gutted. And if you didn’t have a clue about how a woman’s desire for sex tended to work, well, you’re just clueless. For a lot of bisexual women – or the one’s I knew about – it’s not so much about the physical aspects as it was, and as I was told, the emotional aspects.
A lot of bi and gay gals – and women who used to like being with guys before switching sides – would often make me feel really bad to hear them talk about why they are the way they are and, usually, because men might be good at the physical stuff… but totally sucked in the emotional department. It wasn’t personal and it took me a while to realize that but, yeah, they were speaking a lot of truth from their perspective and applying a lot of weight to something I’d heard a lot:
Only a woman knows what a woman wants and needs. Dicks? They can get any dick at any time and with stupid ease; what they can’t usually get is someone who can make love to their emotions as well as their bodies and, well, duh – women are good at it since, you know, they’re women and they do know a lot of stuff that us guys don’t. And even when we do know this – and try our best to take care of the emotional side of things, eh, we’re still guys.
I grew to have a great appreciation for bisexual women, not because what they do is so damned erotic, but being a bi guy, we have something in common even if the reasons for this level of commonality aren’t always the same. The way some folks look at bisexual women is, often and in my opinion, shameful. Yep… it’s one of the sexiest, most erotic things ever and while anyone can see this in action by dialing up some girl-on-girl porn, if you’ve never seen it first-hand, well, you just have no idea what the real thing looks like and it’s made even more so if, by chance, you have an inkling of what’s really driving their need to be with another woman – and it’s not a bad case of raging hormones.
A sense of safety, comfort and, I think, importantly, emotional succor. One bisexual woman I knew told me that, sure, she likes dick and all that but, no offense, there are just some things a woman needs that a man cannot provide. Also, and without any offense meant, she told me, “You guys need to take a class on how to please a woman’s body – y’all suck at giving us head! Some of y’all are… okay but your problem is y’all are too much in a damned hurry to stick it in us.”
Well, yeah, I knew that but hearing it and in no uncertain terms, well, it doesn’t make you feel good and more so when you’re of a mind that you think you’re kinda/sorta good at it. I know I learned some hard lessons about giving a woman head and some were pretty embarrassing and humbling. I know quite a few guys who learned, the hard way, that their lady liked women because of our ham-handed way of having sex with them; not that all of us are that bad at it… but we’re just not always enough where dealing with their emotional need goes… and a level of need that few men know of or are able to bring to the table with any real sense of consistency.
A guy finding this out would be crushed to know that no matter what he did or tried to do, he just wasn’t enough to satisfy their needs in the way they’d need them satisfied. Some guys would lose their fucking minds to discover this and I think that in my experiences, more guys tend to lose their shit than there are guys who are more level-headed about it. Overheard a couple arguing about this one day and the guy said, “What can a woman do that I can’t?”
I knew the moment those words came out of his mouth, his ass was grass; and she told him… and it hurt me to hear her say what she said – and she wasn’t even talking to me – because I knew what she was saying was pretty much a gospel truth. She went one way, left him standing there so angry that I could imagine steam coming out of every pore of his skin. He saw me standing there and, for what reason I couldn’t begin to figure out, asked me, “Man… did you hear that bullshit? That bitch is crazy – she must be a dyke, right?”
I didn’t want any part of this conversation but since he’s now standing in front of me and waiting, I guess, for me to take his side, I shrugged, prepared myself for some kind of fight, and said, “She right, you know.”
He went kinda ballistic and asked me how I knew and I told him, “My wife is bisexual so, yeah, I know that what your lady said was right.” Then I walked away and left him standing there with a totally dumbfounded look on his face.
There’s the mystique, the “unicorn” label placed upon bisexual women that’s either flattering to some or a reason for bisexual women to be totally and completely pissed off. A lot of men can’t or don’t want to understand this about them; our male-centric view of things just doesn’t seem to allow us to understand this. We think it’s sex… and it is… and it isn’t. We see such a huge disconnect between bisexual men and women – we fail to see the commonality we have with each other as well as we just overlook a lot of other things that makes acceptance a hard thing to reach, even when we stop to consider that bi guy and gals are often bisexual for the same reasons – or close enough for government work.
I learned the hard way – and as a lot of guys have learned – that if you really want to make a bisexual woman happy, just give her what she wants. Sexuality aside, we are… arrogant in our belief that we are all that someone ever needs or will ever need and, in a heterosexual way, throwing more dick/pussy at someone will cure what apparently is ailing them. This way of looking at things makes a lot of bisexuals some pretty miserable creatures and, I think, women more than men.
That landmark day I had so many decades ago taught me some very important shit about women and sex and their need to be with each other if that’s what want and need to do… and it’s not always about them having massive and multiple orgasms: It’s about having their emotional needs handled by someone who knows about those needs a hell of a lot better than your average guy might know. I often use the word “succor” when I write about this and it doesn’t always mean physical relief and while it can be described as comfort, for a lot of bisexual women, getting boned by a guy, while nice and all that, isn’t all the comfort that they need.
I watched a friend of mine get his head handed to him when, during a conversation that included women, he said the threesome word and then dug his grave deeper by saying that all women who went both ways loved having threesomes.
I eased away from the danger zone and, no, I didn’t feel bad for him when those women stripped the skin from his body and dumped bags of salt onto him. Yeah… I could have “saved” him by saying before they jumped in his ass, “Dude, don’t even go there – you’re about to make a terrible mistake!” – but I didn’t because it is a lesson men need to learn about women and especially bisexual women. As those women skinned him alive, I wrote myself another note to never say some shit like that, not even in jest.
The fact is that if a bisexual woman wants to do this, fine… but if she doesn’t – and you’d have to be able to understand why (and you might be surprised at why they don’t) – then just leave it alone. You can think it all you want to – just don’t let it come out of your mouth and don’t say shit about it unless she brings it up – and then don’t expect her to.
I’m not saying that I totally and completely understand bisexual women but I know some stuff about them and I have a great appreciation for them that has nothing to do with sex; I see the commonality I share with them: We both know what it’s like to be with both men and women, what’s good about it and what isn’t. We share a lot of the same reasons for being bisexual, from just “being born this way” to having discovered that while boy/girl sex is all well and good (and, sometimes, not so much), it’s not the only way to go about having our needs taken care of whether those needs are physical, emotional, or both.
I get it… and there are a whole lot of bisexual women who fervently wish there were more guys who were able to get it. But I have an advantage that a lot of guys and even some women don’t have: I’m bisexual so that women are and can be bisexual isn’t surprising and shocking.
And one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned about sex and sexuality… and women.