Category Archives: Today’s Bisexual Thoughts

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 04 December 22

If you wanted to know about bisexuality, what are the ways you can do this? Thanks to the Internet, there’s a lot of information available although, personally, I’d take a lot of it with a huge block of salt (but that”s me), but, yeah, there’s some good stuff to be read and considered.

You could do an even better thing: Ask a bisexual. I think one of the mistakes some folks make is to ask someone about this and not only are they not bisexual, but they might also not have any good thoughts or information to pass on other than telling the inqusitive person what they wouldn’t do and all that. It is not to say that someone who isn’t bisexual can’t be knowledgeable but there’s always that chance that they’ll tell you what they know and… tell you what they wouldn’t do and suggest that you don’t, either.

And, yeah, I have done that with some guys because listening to them tells me that, nope, they’d be better off not going there or to give things some more and serious thought before proceeding and, sometimes, even more so when I suggest that they don’t and… they don’t. Why? Because I found that going in this direction takes both commitment and determination to find out what this is all about. Unless, of course, they realize that I’m right about them not being ready for this.

Or, you can do what I know a few guys did: Ask a couple of dick-friendly guys if they can watch the sex happening. What’s that you say? Ew? Dude must be some kind of pervert? You wouldn’t want someone just sitting there watching you getting your cookies crumbled? Sounds interesting and fun?

Yeah, I remember the first time me and couple of friends were roaming around the neighborhood looking for something productive to do – and read this as something that might also get us into a little trouble – when “Tommy” turned to me and said, “We should go do it…” and I readily agreed that we should since there was nothing else or better to do… but I cut my eyes over to “Eddie,” a guy we all knew was one of the biggest chickens ever hatched and upon hearing Tommy suggesting that he and I go do it, Eddie got… that look on his face that said that he’d rather be anywhere other than with us.

There was no such thing as me and Tommy not doing it just because Chicken Eddie was with us and… off we went to the closest hideout. As we’re on our way, Eddie is bombarding us with questions about why are we gonna do it to each other (because we’re horny, dummy!) and what are we gonna do (we’re gonna suck and fuck each other – what do you think we’re gonna do?) and what is it like (if you weren’t a chicken, you’d know what it was like… you big chicken) and made me and Tommy get what I’ll call identical “what the fuck” looks on our face when Eddie asked, “Well, um, can I watch so I’ll know?”

Tommy and I are looking at each other like we’re having a telepathic conversation; he shrugs and I shrug and Tommy says, “I don’t care if you watch…” and I echoed his response and I wanted to get to the hideout because I really liked doing it with Tommy and this delay was getting on my nerves. But we get there and immediately get rid of everything we were wearing and got right to sucking each other off and… Eddie has quesstions.

“How come you didn’t kiss first?” he asked. I knew why he asked because the girls who’d let us do it to them insisted that we kiss them first.

“Boys don’t kiss,” Tommy said – but that was a white lie because I’d kissed some guys before we did it but Tommy was essentially correct.

Tommy goes back to sucking me and I admit that we kinda “telepathically” agreed to put on a show for Eddie, complete with greatly exaggerated sounds and Tommy stopping to “tell me” how good I was sucking his prick or how good mine felt in his mouth.

Eddie taps me on the shoulder and asks, “What does his dick taste like?”

I stop and I’m… irritated but I answer his question with a question: “Why don’t you come over here and find out?” He declined, I shrugged and went back to working on getting Tommy to shoot his stuff in my mouth and, yeah, when he did a couple of minutes later, I made a big deal out of telling Tommy how good his stuff tasted and how much he shot in my mouth but, of course, I’m not telling Tommy anything he didn’t know already but the show was all for Eddie’s benefit.

I have to back up just a bit to mention that when Eddie saw us naked, his dick got hard and was literally poking out like a tent pole in his shorts.

I shoot into Tommy’s mouth a moment or two later and, yeah, a bit of showtime for Eddie’s benefit with me practically yelling like Tommy was murdering me in cold blood and him moaning like a ghost and making sure that Eddie heard him swallowing. In retrospect, we shouldn’t have messed with Eddie like this; normally and when Tommy and I did it to each other, we were pretty quiet about it except for the “usual” grunts and groans.

We get out of the 69 position and making exaggerated movements with our tongues as we licked our lips and like our stuff was te best thing we’d ever tasted – which wasn’t really a lie – and Eddie’s asking what the stuff tastes like and all that and we both invited him to find out but, no, he wanted to keep watching. I shrug, Tommy shrugs, and we turn to deciding which one of would be fucked first and, um, I volunteered and got right to the business of getting Tommy dick hard again before quickly getting to my stomach, hearing Tommy putting a lot of spit on his dick and feeling him diving right into me. So good and it hurt pretty good, too, but it always did.

Eddie’s so close to us that if he were naked, his dick would have been in my mouth and on its own as he’s asking us questions about what it feels like, does it really hurt and it’s distracting both of us and I could tell that Tommy was getting mad because he was fucking me harder than he usually did but despite Eddie’s interruptions, I was able to enjoy the “nasty” sensations of him shooting his stuff in me and, yep, Eddie’s asking me what it feels like but I’m too caught up in what I’m feeling to answer him in that moment.

Tommy and I switch places and as I’m fucking Tommy, Eddie’s asking me if doing it in Tommy’s hiney feels good, bad, or different from doing it to a girl and in her pussy and, as you might expect, I don’t want to answer him but I try to and it’s distracting and I hear Tommy mumble that he wishes that Eddie would – gasp – go the fuck on somewhere and leave us alone and I pretty much felt the same way but I ignore Eddie’s presence and questions so I could shoot my stuff into Tommy. I pulled out (and almost giggled when I heard that squishy “pop”) and Tommy and I both looked right at Eddie and gave him our best, “Okay, what are you gonna do?” looks.

I would, later in the day, tell Tommy that I had noticed that Eddie had a big wet spot in the front of his pants because he had shot his stuff in his underwear. But Eddie is on the spot and he decides that given what he just saw us doing, he wanted to do it now and, I think, probably more so when Tommy and I told him that he could do it with a boy and still do it to girls. And… we had fun with him. He was scared at first but stopped being scared when Tommy and I decided to have a contest to see which one of us could make him shoot in our mouth.

Tommy won but that wasn’t the point. I won the bet we made about Eddie sucking my dick (and, yes, it was cleaned off) and me shooting my stuff in his mouth and Tommy bet that Eddie would get sick and throw it up and… he didn’t; Eddie swallowed my stuff like a champ. All and all, it was a very productive afternoon and Eddie got to find out that he didn’t have to be a big yellow chicken anymore.

A lot of years later and in a similar situation, I’m hanging with a couple of guys, drinking beer and getting pretty horny. The, ah, dick-friendly guy just blurts out that he needs his dick sucked and he’s looking right at me when he says it and I’m smiling because I wanna suck his dick and get mine sucked but we exchange a look that said, “Okay, but what we gonna do with him?” We both turn to look at him and he says that he has always been curious about how two dudes get it on and if we were going to do something, could he watch? I didn’t care and the other guy had to think about it for a moment but agreed that homey could watch; we go inside and get our dicks out to be sucked and… our third wheel is asking a lot of the same questions Chicken Eddie had asked so long ago. We didn’t put on a show for this guy but, eh, okay, we answered his questions in between trying to suck each other off, like, it is really different when a dude sucks your dick and when a babe does it?

Stuff like that. He eventually said that watching us made him really horny and after a few more questions, got his chance to find out what it was like to suck dick (and taste cum) and to get sucked by a guy and that, importantly, it didn’t have shit to do with not liking sex with women and this was… just something that some guys didn’t have a problem doing.

Many years later, I’m telling a guy who was looking for his first experience about these two moments and told him that while he could easily watch porn that has two guys getting their freak on, there was no opportunity for him to ask questions and misses out on the full sensory aspects; he could hear guys moaning and groaning – and some of it was dubbed in post-production – and you can see the looks on the guys’ faces but there’s a scent to sex that is obviously absent when you’re watching it on a screen but, importantly, that, sure, he could find a couple of guys who don’t mind being watched but he should be careful about what he asks for because some find that they think they can watch it for real… and find out otherwise.

I finished by telling him that watching it live, up close and personal, was a good way to get more information since, if the guys being watched didn’t mind all that much, he could ask questions about what he’s looking at but if he really wanted to know what it’s like to (a) have sex with a guy and (b) still very much love having sex with women, nothing beats actual experience.

I didn’t know if he found two guys willing to let him watch but I ran into him a couple of weeks later and he said that I was right and… for a moment, I’d forgotten what I might have been right about but he reminded me when he said that he got to watch two guys going at it and that made him make the decision to dive on in and have sex with them and if I wasn’t doing anything, could we go somewhere so he could suck my dick?

Sure we could. What was of greater import was what he had to say about his bisexual thoughts and how watching two guys having sex – and then “putting his big boy panties on” and joining them answered a lot of the questions he had about having thoughts and feelings for both men and women. He said that I was right when I had said that being right there and seeing it happening had shook him up quite a bit, but he made himself stay put and watch what the guys were doing, and I congratulated him for being able to do that and it spoke to his determination to find out what he needed to know about this.

He admitted to being afraid when he got up the nerve to ask them if he could join them and I allowed that being afraid is very normal but it again spoke to his determination that he asked them and he didn’t chicken out when they readily agreed that he could – but if he had, there was nothing to be ashamed of because thinking about doing it really isn’t the same as being able to do it and he smiled and agreed that taking one guy’s dick in his mouth was both highly exciting and made him want to haul ass at the same time.

If you really wanna know, there are ways to find out what bisexuality is about and, yeah, what the sex is really like. You could, if it was possible, watch it happen live and in person and it… takes care of shedding any modesty or other feelings about actually watching someone having sex, something that can be quite upsetting given how this is so very private. You get the sights and sounds and, again, if they don’t mind, ask questions and get answers but it has always remained true that if you really want to know what it’s like to have sex on the other side of the fence, well, find it within yourself to do it and discover what so many almost immediately discover other than the sex being good:

It doesn’t change your thoughts and feelings about women. It doesn’t immediately turn you into an effeminate gay man and, yeah, like a lot of guys have said that they believe would happen. You can read all about it. You can watch all the “bi or gay” porn you can get away with but I have always believed that if you want to know what it’s like to be bisexual, ask a bisexual and if you, again, really want to know, sure, seeing it in person is an option so you can get the fuller sensory experience and if you want to jump in the pool, it’s okay.

But you do have to be both determined and committed to find out one way or the other. It’s better to be able to make an informed decision about this than to try to go about this and being uninformed or getting “bad” information or, yeah, being misled by what you might see watching porn. It’s obviously not an easy decision to make and, again, the more information you have to work with, the “easier” the decision can be.

Tommy and I got together the next day and our main topic of discussion was about Eddie not being a chicken anymore. He had asked, “Does it make you feel funny to have someone watching you do it?” and I had to think about it for a moment before telling him that, at first, it felt weird but it also felt exciting but once I really got into it, I wasn’t really paying attention to the fact that someone was watching me doing the nasty and I guessed that it just didn’t bother me after that first time. Then we went off to do it.

I ran into Eddie later in the day and he was… bubbly. Talked my ear off about how scary and exciting it was to watch me and Tommy doing it to each other and was even more scary but exciting to do it with us. He said that after he left us, he got to do it to “Sherry,” who I knew was one of the Hot in the Ass girls and he said that doing it to her was different but it kinda wasn’t but what was it like to kiss a boy? I laid one on him and with a lot of tongue and while I didn’t know why I did – because I’d kissed a few guys and it was pretty yucky – but I kissed Eddie and it felt pretty good and, yup, it made my dick so hard that it hurt and I guess it had the same effect on him because we practically ran to a hideout so we could do it to each other.

I learned that it’s okay to ask questions and that the answers might not be good or what you’re trying to find out but, sometimes, asking questions can get you some really good answers, too. Eddie got to watch me and Tommy do it to each other and, well, it convinced him that he could be like me and Tommy and go both ways. I can’t say how difficult a decision it was for him… because he didn’t say and I didn’t know enough to ask him – and something I would correct later on.

Happy sighing. You can read a lot of stuff online about bisexuality and that’s a good thing. You can watch the porn that’s available, but it could leave you with more questions than answers because watching it on a screen doesn’t “tell the whole story” and, yeah, what you’re watch is a story and the people having sex on the screen is… putting on an act for your excitement and benefit. If you want a more personal source of information, you could ask someone and soak up whatever they have to say about it and your results are going to vary since a lot of people tend to tell you what they think more than they tell you what they actually know.

Or, you could just find a bisexual and ask them – and provided they’re willing to talk to you about something that is very damned personal to them. If, by chance, you could watch it happening, yeah, that’ll effect some changes and it just might be interesting – and I’m not talking about what you’re seeing them doing because it can be very weird and disturbing to actually watch two people having sex because it’s supposed to be done privately and without witnesses. Or, yeah, if you really wanted to know (a) if you can really do all that stuff you’ve been thinking about and (b) you can really do it, well, you know what you gotta do.

I can tell you what it’s like and in great detail… and you’re finding out what my thoughts and feelings are. Not a bad thing (or it could be if the juicy details wind up bothering you) and I learned to keep the sugar out of things because if I don’t tell you how bad it can be, you can’t make a truly informed decision and, sadly, I’ve seen what happens to people who don’t have all of the facts and it’s not pretty.

There’s just no such thing as too much information when inquiring about this bisexual thing. I maintain that you don’t have to believe me but if you really want to know, the truth is out there and waiting for you to find it.

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Posted by on 4 December 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 03 December 22

The question that just popped into my head is, “Is bisexuality different today than it was back in the day?”

The answer is: Um, nah, I don’t think it really is because society in the mid-1960s – and when I emerged as a bisexual – was just as weird about it as it is today with people running around losing their minds over those men and women who weren’t straight and weren’t gay. The persistent and insistent mindset of the times that said that people had to pick a side even though one of the available sides – homosexuality – was considered a bad choice to make.

For guys – and bisexual ones – living under the stigma stapled to homosexual men was a bitch and a half to deal with when, in fact, you weren’t homosexual – you just liked or loved having sex like you were and trying to get people to understand that, yeah, okay, I sleep with guys… but sleeping with women isn’t the “afterthought” I’d heard some insist what was “really” going on with me and those like me and all too often being lumped in with those scary “straight-acting” gay men and my thoughts that these guys were scary because, publicly, they behaved like straight men so being able to identify a gay man kinda stopped being “easy” but, yep, those more… flamboyant guys were still letting the world know that gay men existed and were here to stay.

The in-fighting hasn’t changed much except we can now air out our dirty laundry publicly thanks to social media. There were gay dudes who, oddly, liked to chase straight guys but didn’t like guys like me all that much, which threw me for a loop back then and more so when I was of a growing mind that in order to be able to have sex with someone, it wasn’t enough to just be horny – you had to be able to establish some kind of commonality with the object of your lust and, well, guys like me most definitely had something in common with our gay brothers but what trashed this “obvious” common ground was that we really weren’t like them because we weren’t just about guys.

You get tired of being told to just admit that you’re gay… when you aren’t. Or you run into a guy who, um, bluntly, makes your dick hard and you very much want some biblical knowledge of him and, okay, he’s gay – not a problem – but the moment he hears that I’m bi, well, I’m persona non grata. I’d come to understand that a lot of this angst toward bi guys came from the fact that some gay men fell in love with a bi guy and… got their hearts and souls crushed because the bi guy wasn’t really about “settling down” with a dude and because said guy still had a thing about women which, um, made sense if homey was bi.

It was also a bitch and a half to be blamed for something some other guy did and a full two bitches when you had no idea about who fucked this guy’s heart up. Guilty by association is… a thing. If one is bad, all are bad and uncovering that disturbing behavior that says once we learn how to hate, it’s almost impossible to unlearn it but, yeah, I understood it because getting your hopes up and/or getting your feeling crushed into paste and then stomped on one more time for good measure was some fucked up shit and that’s being nice about it.

If there’s any real difference, it’s that the issues are highly visible. Another is what I’d call a lot of confusion over how bisexuality is being defined and y’all already know that I have some issue over how that’s being done but social media has allowed us to climb up onto our soap boxes and tell everyone what we think and in ways that, when you cut through all of the clutter, hasn’t done a thing to change the basic premise of bisexuality:

You have an affinity for males and females that can be sexual, emotional, or both. Anything other than this is… overly gilding the lily and not accepting the simplicity of this and, yes, I very much remember stumbling across the definition of bisexual that was pretty clear-cut and totally on-point. I would say that from my perspective, bisexuality was “simpler” than it is today because if you went both ways, that just meant that you weren’t straight, and you weren’t gay and you must be out of your greedy-assed mind and, yep, time to pick a side. Same old prejudices, same old acts of violence, same old social stigmas, and the same old lack of understanding, which has always baffled me because this isn’t difficult to understand and learning that if we – humans – are really good at something, it’s taking something and making it a hell of a lot more complicated than it really is.

I remember our USAF drill instructor telling us about the KISS principle: Keep it simple, stupid. He explained it to us – after we stopped laughing at how he said this – and it really struck home for me to just look at something for what it was and dealing with it and without making it hard on yourself to do and/or understand. That also made sense as far as my being bisexual was concerned – just keep it simple but also with the “new” understanding that other people won’t do this and, yeah, this’ll make things less simple for me.

Like, sometimes, it wasn’t enough for me to simply say that I liked men and women and not have to listen to a lot of stuff about which did I like more and those annoying questions that were all about making limited choices, i.e., if I had to choose between a man or a woman, which would I choose – and those who’d ask me stuff like this not seeming to understand that I would choose both. Well, okay, but which one would you choose to sleep with first? And then not understanding that I wasn’t be sarcastic or anything like that when I’d say, “Whoever I got to first.” Or me telling them that no matter who I went after first, I wouldn’t say no or ignore the other person in this. Wait, what… you’d sleep with both at the same time?

Sure I would. I have. And seeing that “Who does that?” look on their faces and that they just didn’t understand. Or, yeah, as one guy asked, “It can’t be that easy, can it?” Yep – it really is that easy but in order for it to be easy, one must disabuse themselves of some… stuff and, yeah, you really do get sick and tired of people telling you that you can’t be what you said you were and telling you what they think you had to be – yep, straight or gay and, jeez.

I still remember my reaction to hearing the word, “heteroflexible.” Then hearing what it meant. The guy who said that this is what he was went on for quite a while and didn’t say anything that convinced me that he was anything other than bisexual – and then he got pissed with me when I pointed that out to him. That was about the time when I learned that there were folks who had a problem with the word “bisexual” and they were, essentially, mindfucking themselves into believing that they were something other than what they really were or, the failed to apply KISS to themselves.

During my emergence, the only mindfucking we did was emphatically stating that we weren’t gay, sissy, faggots. Yeah, there were some guys who convince themselves that they really didn’t like guys like that but didn’t mind getting busy with a guy while still being very damned interested in getting with women. It was hard for some to admit that they went both ways back then and, well, it’s hard for some to admit it today. Indeed, upon hearing the word, “pansexual” and the woman who said it defined it for me, I had asked her, “How is that different from being bisexual?”

And a lot of years later, I still don’t know because even though I understand that gender is involved, well, it’s still bisexuality and no matter how a person sees their gender and while I’d not say that one’s view of their gender isn’t important to them – because it is – bisexuality doesn’t much care about gender as long as you like boys and girls sexually, emotionally, or both. We, on the whole, were failing to keep it simple back in the day and we’re still continuing to fail to do this. Someone said to me that bisexuality today isn’t the same as it was when I was growing up and… they failed to convince me that they were right about that because they didn’t say anything about what’s going on today that wasn’t going on back then.

The only real difference is our ability to put it all out there for anyone to see. Over all this time, man, I’ve seen some shit that has left me scratching my head and in some forms that I just do not understand or, as I’ve said at time, I understand quantum mechanics better than I do some of the stuff I’ve seen written as a lot of people are trying to either make sense of bisexuality or are putting their own spin on it and like bisexuality is anything other than what it really is.

You like boys. You like girls. For love, sex, or relationships which, by the way, never defines sexuality. One of those three things or all of the above. Simple, right? Yeah, not so much and we have this… need to overly qualify things in this and I better understand what all those people were saying about bisexuals being in denial but, yeah, they weren’t really seeing the whole picture – or the one I’ve been seeing all along – that says there are a lot of bisexuals who are, in their own unique ways, in denial of being bisexual, you know, the whole boys and girls thing, sexually, emotionally, or both. Some tend to blame the social stigma for this and they’re not totally wrong about that because it’s the same stigma I grew up with… except, I think, it didn’t make the bisexuals of my generation all that weird about being bi because no matter what was being said, we knew what we were and there was no doubt about it and no need to qualify and quantify things.

We kept it simple. So, yeah, it’s different today than it was before because today’s views lack simplicity and while the social stigma does get people messing with their own minds, it seems to me that if you’re bisexual and you’re not keeping it simple, that’s not society’s fault – that’s your fault. Bisexuality is what it’s always been; it has the same problems that it’s always had and it still “galls” me to understand that I just flat out missed something really important when a reader commented that from one generation to the next, bisexuality is something new and… well, damned if he wasn’t right on the money.

And whatever consternation I have going on is due to the fact that this isn’t something new to me and, again, missed some stuff that I actually did see from my generation to the next one and like how my children’s generation was more okay with going both ways than my generation was – and, believe me, we were all up in it – but they, too, faced the same problems my generation did and being very and more concerned with the social stigma and, like my generation, being outed as “really being gay.” But if you went both ways, cool. Parents were still going out of their way to make sure their children were straight and stayed that way but nothing really new about that, right?

More emphasis on relationships as a determining factor and even I had to deal with being asked if I would ever be in a “real relationship” with a guy and, well, I did, but there was that qualifier that implied that if I were to be in a relationship with a dude, that had to mean that I didn’t like women or, gasp, I’d be forced to give up women and, well, the former was never true and the latter didn’t make any damned sense because it wouldn’t be me being bisexual. Give up women. Your mind has gone seriously bad, hasn’t it? But I understood this because much of our sociosexual interaction is about one man, one woman and anything that resembles homosexuality, well, hmm. Hope you have your fireproof underwear handy.

And the very real thing that the only allowable sex is relationship sex. The tenets of monogamy that are so insidiously invasive that you are not allowed to even think about being interested in someone else if you’re already in a relationship and I don’t know about anyone else, but it pissed me the fuck off because society felt – and still feels – that it has the right to tell me what I can think and feel and who my thoughts and feelings should only be about.

Yep, one of the things that fueled my headlong rush into bisexuality was being rebellious because no one was going to tell me who I could like and who I could have sex with and that if I had a girlfriend, I was not allowed to think or feel anything for anyone other than her. And way back then, I took the same risks of having to face reprisals and being ostracized for not being straight or gay that hasn’t changed at all over the intervening decades.

People today are of a mind that being bisexual is still the greatest thing since sliced bread. People today still get “the shit shocked out of them” to find that they do have thoughts and feelings about both men and women. People today still try it and find that they like it or they don’t. Things like race, color, creed, age and all that other stuff we love to fuss about still doesn’t matter when it comes to being bisexual because the only thing that really matter is what one is thinking, feeling and what, if anything, they choose to do about it – and then being sorely afraid to do anything because society is going to kick their ass for not being the way they’re supposed to be and with today’s grudging acceptance for gay folks which, yeah, that’s a huge difference from when I was growing up.

The riffing between bisexuals and homosexuals hasn’t changed. That some heterosexuals are not in my backyard about bisexuality hasn’t changed but, yeah, homophobia is still a socially imposed affliction that many suffer from but the new kid on the block, “biphobia,” is just homophobia in different clothing because the basic premise remains the same – we just changed the target to be shot at and put down. Shit, there were people back then who was scared to death of me more because I was bisexual than anything else and this, too, hasn’t changed. The only thing that has really changed are… the people. The “game” is still the same and only the “players” are different and in this, their perception is different and, yep, not all that simple but, again, if there’s something we can turn into a seriously confusing mess, we’re gonna make it messy because it can’t be that simple… can it?

That we stick to what we believe more than we do the obvious truth hasn’t changed. Bisexuals were a joke back in my day and we still are because we weren’t real back then and we’re not real now. The lunacy we have displayed about sexuality hasn’t changed and more so when there is no fucking way in hell that I am the only male bisexual on a planet that numbers in the billions. And continually failing to keep it simple. You don’t have to admit this to anyone, but you do have to admit it to yourself and the funniest thing I have ever heard – and still hear today – is, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time.”

I’m bisexual all of the time but like everyone, I don’t have sex all of the time and like everyone else, I have sex when the opportunity presents itself. Duh. And just like it was back in the day for me, there are people today who are just… weird about being bisexual and thanks to the ever-present social stigma that we still have not been able to get away from.

And I sit and observe and keep asking myself, “What the fuck is going on and why are we still making this harder than it has to be?” One of the things I often mention on the forum where a lot of bi guys are, well, losing their minds, is the need to simplify things. Stop making it harder to “be bisexual” like finding a guy to have sex with has never been easy to do but it’s like I said to my protege when he asked how I managed to have sex with all the men I’ve had sex with and I said, “Because I made it easy for them to get me into bed.” In one conversation, he threw out the disease card and, well, that hasn’t changed either because we had the same concerns back then and even more so when HIV/AIDS showed up to fuck shit up. I had to say to him that, yeah, sure, I’ve probably had more sex with men than most women have but I’ve never caught anything nasty. I’m easy… not stupid or careless.

I explained simplicity to him because he, and like so many others, overly complicates being bisexual and I like to remind him at times that if he’s having “problems” being bisexual, it’s because he doesn’t know how to keep it simple and because he’s of a mind that it’s not that simple and I do try to get through to him that the harder you make this on yourself, the harder it will be and blaming “everyone else” for any difficulties, well, hmm.

Many of us made it hard on ourselves back then and many still do it today. Even I had to learn to not make it hard on myself and in every aspect that I was becoming aware of. Many in my generation kept it simple. Men and women. Definitely for sex but love and relationships weren’t out of the question because it was possible even if, like me, bleh, loving a guy and being in a relationship with him? Never gonna happen. It was deemed to be “too gay” back then and it still is although I give credit where it’s due: That part is changing as more bi guys are more relationship-minded even as the FWB level of things.

We had FWB’s back in the day, too. One or more guys we were good friends with and good enough that having sex with each other… just made sense on top of it being convenient; why go through the hassles of getting a girl to give you a blowjob when you knew your boy would? Got that need to fuck? Okay – lemme make sure things are clean back there and come on and give it to me and with the only “condition” that I get to fuck, too. But that wasn’t always a necessity, but reciprocation is very much a part of the sex being mutually satisfying but I knew guys who didn’t like to reciprocate back then and there are guys who are totally against it today. I’d blow a friend just for the fun of it and if he didn’t return the favor, that was okay because I didn’t need him to but, yeah, if he did, I wasn’t going to tell him not to.

Nothing’s really changed. Back then, many believed that having sex with a guy was different from having sex with a girl. We had to hide what we were back then and we still do. Coming out was a thing then – and usually with bad results – and, yep, not different today and that includes coming out and not getting your head handed to you. Bisexuality was always a very individual thing and it still is today; back then, I had to learn how to own this and to make it my own and people have to this today but with one “glaring” difference:

I kept it simple and in the face of great complexity that was borne out of our refusal to accept that people don’t have to be heterosexual if it doesn’t suite their purposes, short or long term doesn’t matter. Understand that if I paid attention to all of the shit others had to say, I was going to have problems and I had enough problems already, but this was one I could take care of: I stopped listening to it. Simple, right? I am what I am and I’m loving the shit out of being bisexual and while I respect others and I’m not all that opposed to taking criticism and/or advice, this is the one thing that I’m never going to change my mind about, and I really don’t care what you might think about it.

I know the rules. Fuck the rules and not in a good way. Simply, I like men and women. Never men or women. Long ago, I discovered and adopted a side – both sides. Simple, right? Girls and pussy are good. So are guys and dicks. Relationships? Optional and, really, relationships are only going to be as good as the people in it are willing to make it and, well, y’all know how these things go just as well as I do. If there is a key to bisexuality, it’s simplicity. It’s making it easier on yourself and not allowing external shit to make it harder – and I’m not talking about doing the nasty; I’m talking about being comfortable with your thoughts and feelings and not letting anyone tell you that you can’t have them and, yeah, you’d better not do anything about them if you do.

Like everyone, I was told and forbidden to even think about this… and you know how that turned out. Back then, no one wanted to see the truth of bisexuality and that hasn’t changed but just like some did back then, we continue to make being bisexual harder than it already is and it’s hard because – and I’ll keep saying it – we continue to believe in some shit that isn’t the whole truth of things.

Or as I said to my protege when I agreed to mentor him, “Knock, knock, Neo – the Matrix has you. Welcome to the world of the real.” He had to choose between the red and blue pills… and just like those of my generation had to. You take the blue pill, and you stay in the reality that was created for you; you take the red pill and… hold onto something because shit is going to get seriously real and mind-blowingly so. What an ingenious analogy and eloquent in its simplicity. Showing him and so many others the door and letting them know that they have to choose to walk through it. If you don’t, fine. No pressure other than whatever pressure they might be putting on themselves and that’s usually because they think this is more complicated than it really is – but the basic premise isn’t and has remain unchanged.

You like boys and girls. For love, sex, and even a relationship if that’s where things are heading. The only real difference between me and a straight guy is that I’m not opposed to getting some dick… because it’s still sex and with the understanding that it could be more than that but if it isn’t, that’s okay. Usually. The perception of living two different lives was seen back in the day and it’s still being seen like this. That very weird sense that you’re the only one who is like this hasn’t changed either. Those of us who embraced bisexuality learned some… stuff about ourselves and that hasn’t changed today. Being able to fully express yourself was so eye-opening and that sense of being liberated even more so… and that hasn’t changed either.

There are those of you who not only knows what I’m talking about, you understand it. There have always been those folks who will say, “Well, I wouldn’t do that…” and followed by a whole lot of reasons why they wouldn’t and none of those reasons are based in actual experiences but the reasons why they wouldn’t today… are the same reasons someone wouldn’t do it back in the day for me. Huh. How ’bout that?

Explaining this to someone was a pain in the ass back then. Still is today. On the surface, bisexuality seems to defy simplicity but it’s like I’ve been saying: Bisexuality takes everything you think you know and believe and… shreds the shit out of it. It was a scary thing for those of us of my generation and… it’s still a scary thing and not just because of the social angst but because bisexuality is… an unknown thing even though it’s been a part of our existence as a species. We know straight and we know gay, and it was “inconceivable” that someone would want to be both back then… and in the here and now.

And yes, I am 100% greedy. No such thing as too much intimacy or, yeah, too much sex. No real need to qualify or quantify things because I learned to keep it simple. Boys. Girls. Both are good in the pursuit of love, sex, and relationships. What else do you need to know? It’s not really that hard to understand but I have found that in order to understand it – and I mean understand it in its pure and simple form, it would help if one could just… forget all that crap they were told about sex and sexuality and to simply see it for what it’s always been.

Simple, right? One final thing. Would you like to know why gender was never a part of the definition until we put it there? Because we knew… gay people. Men who behaved and carried themselves like they were female and women who behaved and carried themselves like they were male. Horror stories about botched attempts to reassign their physical bodies to match what was going on inside their head. It was going on back in the day and it’s being done today. A guy would put the offer out there for him to be my girlfriend and in every way that meant. Sexually and emotionally. And… we got used to this even if such guys tended to either be laughed at or ridiculed for not being anywhere near manly. They simply rejected the male gender role and, well, how many of you know or knew a tomboy? You know that girl who was all about doing everything a guy could do – and that could include having sex with girls because, um, that’s what boys do and wasn’t trying to hear giving this up so they could be… girly and like they were told they had to be.

But some of them went both ways, too, even though they, too, had to be secretive about it less they be branded a traitor to the gay cause and just as gays were seen and branded traitors to the straight cause and way of things. And bisexuals? Who does that? And this perception persists today…

And nothing has really changed. The basic premise of bisexuality has not changed; the trials and tribulations have not changed other than to be more visible than ever before. Just it was back in the day, you were either all for going both ways, or you were very leery about it; you might say “never” and wind up changing your mind about it and depending on some stuff. It either worked for you or it didn’t. Simple, huh?

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Posted by on 3 December 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 30 November 22

It’s “startling” to realize that the end of 2022 is only a few weeks away; it feels like it was “just the other day” when I started scribbling at the beginning of the year!

I was skimming through the forum topics and saw some comments about the taste of cum and how to make it taste better and I flashed back to the first time I got a mouthful of nasty-tasting spunk and, ew, it was horrible! In those early days, I was used to cum tasting sweet, salty, a mixture of sweet and salty, and too salty but I remember that “slap in the face” where a friend’s cum was severely bitter and just plain old nasty… because, I would learn, one of his favorite things to eat was… a raw onion. Actually watched him peel one and take a big bite out of it and like it was an apple and he even had the nerve to ask me if I wanted a bite!

And, later, when I sucked him off, yep – just nasty beyond belief. I had to spit it out and I don’t quite remember if he said anything to me about spitting it out but as he was returning the favor, I was wishing that I had a piece of candy or something that would get that nasty taste out of my mouth. It was my first lesson that said, “Cum will taste like whatever a guy’s been putting into his body!”

Which led me to reading everything I could get my hands on to find out why his stuff tasted so bad, which led to discovering that the stuff is made up of two parts: Semen and the actual sperm and that semen is the “car” that sperm rides in on its way to a woman’s egg or, um, down into my stomach. Learning what semen was composed of had me second guessing myself about swallowing it but it’s… mostly water and, indeed, I would learn that even how water tasted could make a difference in how a guy’s cum would taste and that the water tasted different depending on what part of the city you were in.

I do remember the first time I got a nasty tasting load in my mouth and I just let it flow out of my mouth and the guy I’d sucked off got quite mad at me and berated me for not swallowing it “like I was supposed to” and me telling him, “If your shit didn’t taste so fucking nasty, I would have swallowed it!” My words… seriously hurt his feelings and I was taken aback for a moment to see tears starting to stream down his face but, yeah, that made me feel bad… for a moment but I had meant what I said.

I found that I don’t much like guys whose cum is thin and watery; it tended to have a bitter taste to it and I would learn that semen is alkaline and that’s what was making it taste bitter; that led to learning that the environment in a girl’s pussy was acidic, which explained why a girl’s pussy tended to taste tangy and learning that sperm can’t survive in an acidic environment but alkalines reduce acidity and the alkaline nature of semen not only allows sperm to travel to the egg but gives sperm a fighting chance to get there before the acidity breaks through and… kills them. Also explained why I heard that it only takes one sperm to fertilize a woman’s egg but there are exceptions and depending on body chemistry and, yeah, science!

I would read some stuff, years down the road, about sucking dick and swallowing cum and especially the part that said that it’s proper etiquette to spit it out and for whatever reason you want or need to. Well, that was nice to know, not that I felt bad about spitting a guy’s cum out but those early encounters of having a mouthful of nasty tasting cum made me very aware that if this guy’s cum could taste bad for some reason, mine might taste bad, too. Only one way to find out.

I remember tasting my cum for the first time and I didn’t do it on purpose. I was in the bathroom and spanking the monkey like it was the end of the world and, ahh, lots of warm cum flowing out of me and it felt amazing as usual but once I was done and went to get some toilet paper to clean up… the roll was empty! In retrospect, I did realize that I could have just gone to the sink and washed my hands but that’s not what I did. I looked at it on my hand and… licked my hand clean. It was kind of revolting at first (and I would, years later, learn some shit about why it was) but once I started licking and sucking it off my hand, hmm, my stuff didn’t taste bad at all. I still had to wash my hands, of course, but at least I now knew what my stuff tasted like.

But there were those who’d suck me off and spit it out and that’s oddly kind of “hurtful” but I would find that it wasn’t the taste that bothered them but how it felt in their mouth. We talk about it being an acquired taste and it is… but taste isn’t the only thing involved in this: It’s mouth feel and in the form of consistency. Thick and cloying or thin and watery and, to me, it stood to reason that if it didn’t feel good in your mouth, you weren’t going to swallow it. There were guys I’d suck off and their cum felt like… warm pudding in my mouth which didn’t bother me a whole lot because I liked pudding but, yeah, sometimes, it could be so thick and, again, cloying that, eh, I have like a second or two to decide to “choke” it down or just let it dribble out of my mouth. I actually have never spit it out because it sends a bad message to the guy, and I know that because I’ve gotten that message before to see someone literally spit it out.

I would learn about one of the most important factors that plays into swallowing cum: My tongue. I would learn that the tongue has taste buds and there are different zones for salty, sweet, tangy, and bitter and that most of our taste buds live in the front part of the tongue and “logic” suggested that if this was true – and it obviously was – then the trick of avoiding the taste was to not let it on the front parts of my tongue. One of the other things I learned that played into this was… my nose and how it played into being able to taste something and it was “light bulb” time for me to be able to connect all those times I had a cold and a stuffy nose, and I couldn’t taste anything and then think about the times when I sucked dick or ate pussy and… I couldn’t taste it because my nose was stuffy.

I would understand that having a stuffy nose and doing my best to not let his cum on the front of my tongue went a long way to mitigating the bad taste when I’d encounter it but it didn’t do much for the consistency of his cum and the volume of it and some guys could shoot a whole lot of cum and I would learn that the guys who could shoot that holy shit amount of cum – and consistently – might be suffering from something called hyperspermia, a rather harmless condition where a guy… just amazingly cums a whole lot. There was still the whole swallowing it thing to contend with and winding up with “chipmunk cheeks” because when there was a whole lot of it and I was going to swallow it, well, having to hold it in my mouth and working on swallowing it had to be done and I even found the humor in it, which was better than being embarrassed over not being able to take all of his cum straight down and if/when I got razzed about having chipmunk cheeks, I just took the razzing.

In some situations, I could learn how a guy’s cum was going to taste by tasting his “pre-cum” which is just seminal fluid – and the same fluid that when he cums, will be full of millions of sperms. If his pre-cum tasted bad, off, funny, whatever, I’d still suck him off because I also learned that getting sucked off “feels better” when you can cum in someone’s mouth and compared to cumming and not being in their mouth so homey could cum in my mouth and… it’s dribble time. Yeah, sometimes, they’d be miffed that I dribbled it all over them but I didn’t have a problem letting them know that their cum didn’t taste or feel good in my mouth – and it’s okay to not swallow it.

I would run into situations where I’d swallow a guy’s cum and, to be polite, find myself sitting on the toilet either immediately or shortly after the fact. Okay – what the fuck was up with this? Did that mean that his cum was “bad?” I would learn that what was really “bad” about it was being too alkaline and to the point where it would upset the water balance in my stomach – which is full of hydrochloric acid – when that balance gets upset, yup, that happens. Yep, not a good feeling at all and I feel fortunate that I haven’t had this… experience all that often. The young lover I had was a joy to suck off and his cum tasted okay – or okay as my stuffy nose was able to report but every time I sucked him off, I was on the throne minutes later and while that was quite unpleasant, it was… worth it.

The whole issue of taste and swallowing is a major thing for those who suck dick and want to swallow “the fruits of their labor.” I would learn that things like diet and body chemistry played a role in how cum tasted and, again, anything you put into your body can affect the way your cum – and, yes, a woman’s pussy – is going to taste and even smell. One can do things with their diet, might not really be able to do a whole lot about their overall body chemistry and the rule is that if it tastes bad – and that includes the mouth feel – it’s okay to not swallow it and if the other person gets mad, well, they just get mad. One of the tricks I learned to blunt the taste of cum (and pussy) is to mix it with… saliva to “water it down” so I could get it down and, hopefully, without having to spend time on the toilet. The more saliva you can bring to the moment, the more you can water it down and it can make swallowing it… easier.

Sitting here and thinking about the sloppy blowjob and the giver having long, goopy strings of saliva all over the place and understanding that it’s not all because it can be a lubricant but because it not only waters down any “nasty” pre-cum tastes but it contains enzymes that just kills the shit out of a lot of things as those enzymes start the process of breaking down whatever you put in your mouth. Yeah – science!

Being a nerd went a long way in my understanding the whole taste thing because, well, I’m a nerd and I’m also a voracious cocksucker and eater of pussies and while it would be wonderful if everyone’s, um, fluids, tasted like ambrosia, the reality is, nope, it’s not going to taste good and it’s not going to smell good and learning more science about how these particular fluids can react badly when exposed to air. Hmm. Guys talk about eating fruit and other sweet things so that their cum will taste better and I’ve seen guys, say, sucking on a piece of candy before I blow them and… their cum didn’t taste all that sweet but learning that it takes time for your body to process… stuff and the “sweet effect” isn’t instantaneous and as I learned when I sucked a guy off twice and the first time, his cum was salty but because he had eaten something sweet before we got started, the second time he came in my mouth, it tasted less salty and a bit more on the sweet side.

And we all don’t process stuff at the same rate or time. Bitter tasting stuff gets processed faster than sweeter things do, like salt, for instance. The science involved fascinated the shit out of me as I was learning it and it made a difference in how I enjoyed sucking dick and eating pussy and, well, knowing why it works the way it does was just important to me… because I am a nerd, after all. I love to suck dick and swallow cum and if it “tastes” or feels bad in my mouth, I know why it does. If I’m eating pussy and literally tasting whatever, she’s been eating and drinking, I know why she tastes and smells the way she does and, yeah, it’s not totally about what she’s been consuming but her overall body chemistry.

Learning that if she smells like fish, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with her pussy – it’s just that her secretions were actually odorless before coming into contact with the air. Hmm. It used to bug the shit out of me to be giving head and my nose would get seriously stuffy but given what I had learned, yeah, I’d be very thankful about having a stuffy nose because not only could I not smell… stuff, but I also couldn’t taste it all that much, either.

I know why it’s an acquired taste and that it’s not just about taste. You don’t like it when you cum in someone’s mouth and they’re in a hurry to spit it out – and I really don’t know why but I have some thoughts about that – but, at least for me, if someone spits my stuff out, I have an idea why they did and, again, it’s not always about the taste but how it feels in their mouth and both things take some doing to get used to… and not everyone who gives head gets used to it, easily or if at all.

Sometimes when I’m sucking dick, I won’t let the guy cum in my mouth because, um, I want to see him cum or, rarely, I’ve actually gotten tired of sucking him and it’s time to jerk him off. When it came to eating pussy, well, a different kind of thing and to tell a girl/woman that her pussy tasted and smelled bad, well, yeah, that might not go over well with her even though telling her is also a good thing since it could be a sign that her chemistry is off for some reason. I’ve asked some women, “Wow – what have you been eating lately?” which is… better than coming right out and telling her that I didn’t like the way she tasted and it protects her feelings but given how a lot of women love to be eaten, you just… suck it up and eat that pussy and… more science happening.

Your brain can, at some point, edit stuff out and including taste. It’s like, wow, homey’s pre-cum is really salty and once it registers in your brain – and you notice that after a few, he doesn’t taste all that salty, it’s because your brain told your tongue to ignore it and the same with smell. It’s like your brain say, “I know what this is and I don’t need to keep paying attention to it…” and ain’t science interesting? I’ve gone down on guys and they’ve smelled… funky but not in that dirty way. I’ve gotten that first whiff of him and my nose says, “Ew, he’s really musky…” and after a few, I can’t smell him anymore and not because my nose got stuffy but because my brain edited it out. Maybe he tasted really salty or bitter at first but, again and at some point, my brain edits it out; I might still be able to taste him but, yeah, not so much but when he cums, that’s a different moment and I have noticed that my mouth produces more saliva when a guy’s cum is “really salty” or bitter than it does when his cum tastes sweeter.

All of this might sound like it takes the fun out of sucking dick and eating pussy and I can assure you that it really doesn’t – I’m just the guy who sucks dick, swallows cum, and eats pussy like a fiend who knows some stuff about this stuff. I used to get razzed unmercifully about being a nerd but when it comes to this, I’m glad that I’m a nerd and that being one got me to investigate the whole acquired taste thing and all because, one day, I sucked a guy off and his cum was horrible and that was because his favorite snack was a nice, big, juicy, raw onion. Sucking off a guy whose spunk tasted like he ate a whole block of salt, or he eats a lot of sweet stuff and, yeah, those who eat a lot of veggies have a different taste, too, and some of those tastes aren’t… all that nice. Back to sucking off a guy who’s cum was so alkaline that it upset the water balance in my stomach and… Montezuma’s Revenge, to once again be polite about it.

And understanding if I know why, I can “file it away” and focus on the business of using my mouth and tongue to give someone – and myself – a lot of pleasure and if I have to let a guy’s cum dribble out of my mouth, well, it’s what I have to do and it’s not really a bad reflection on him but, yeah, he might want to pay more attention to the stuff he’s putting into his body. Like, I learned to not like swallowing the cum of guys who smoked a lot of weed because it would leave a really bitter taste in my mouth and, yeah, people who smoke don’t taste all that sporty and depending on how much they smoke and all that but, again, that doesn’t bother me all that much because at some point, my brain is going to edit it out shortly after tasting and feeling his cum in my mouth. I don’t know about anyone else but I just… learned to not pay a whole lot of attention to it unless the cum really tastes horrifically bad and knocking on wood that I haven’t had too many encounters with that really sour and bitter cum and when I have, it’s dribble time.

Because at the end of any day, I don’t have to swallow it if I don’t want to. Understanding when you’re negotiating to give or get a blowjob, swallowing is an important thing to know and not swallowing can be a deal-breaker. I learned early on to appreciate anyone who swallowed my cum or even allowed it in their mouth so they could spit or dribble it out… because they didn’t have to and if they didn’t swallow it, I knew why they didn’t because I know why I sometimes won’t swallow it or allow it in my mouth… because I know why it’s an acquired taste and I just accept that not everyone acquires it or even wants to.

It’s a lot of fun to suck a guy off; it is… one hell of an ego trip to get him to cum in your mouth but, yeah, if you don’t like the way it tastes and feels in your mouth, you don’t like it and you don’t have to swallow it and if he gets miffed because you didn’t, well, you can tell him why or just tell him that you exercised your right not to swallow it and if he doesn’t like it, it’s a sure bet that you won’t be sucking his giving him a blowjob again, the ungrateful son-of-a-bitch.

If you didn’t know, now you know. I often laugh at guys when they’re talking about the taste of cum and/or they don’t swallow because of this, that, or the other that’s supposedly bad or, sheesh, potentially fatal because a lot of those guys eat pussy and I tell them that if they knew the chemistry involved, um, they wouldn’t eat pussy. I know about it and… I still eat pussy because it’s so fucking satisfying and she might like it, too.

Having stuff that doesn’t taste all that good to those who’d give you head can be embarrassing and can make one very self-conscious but if your stuff tastes consistently bad, it might be time to check it out and change your diet if possible. There are a slew of medications that can make cum – and pussy – taste bad to holy shit bad and chances are that they have to take whatever medication is causing the bad taste and you could stop giving them head because of this or… you just “ignore” it and give them this very intimate pleasure anyway. All about – wait for it – individual tastes.

My former boyfriend liked to drink a certain kind of tea that made his cum taste very weird to me. I mentioned it to him and he kinda got upset for a moment but I tried to explain to him that his cum didn’t taste bad or horrible but just…weird when he drank that blend of tea. He stopped drinking it and his cum stopped tasting weird to me. He went back to drinking it and I was okay with it because I felt that I didn’t have the right to tell him not to.

My first wife had to go sugar-free because of diabetes and her pussy (and girl cum) tasted like… artificial sweeteners. Ugh. It wasn’t her fault that I can’t stand the taste of sweeteners that aren’t cane sugar and I… sucked it up because I loved eating her pussy and she loved being eaten and, sometimes, you just gotta “take one for the team.”

My young lover’s cum was a bit more on the salty side and a bit more alkaline than my stomach was willing to put up with. I did tell him one day to lay off the salt but I knew that there was little or nothing I could do about the alkalinity of his cum and not sucking him off and swallowing, well, that wasn’t gonna happen and… that’s what they make Imodium for and I kept some on hand so that sucking him off wouldn’t “be a problem” after swallowing all that cum he’d give up.

Great sighing. It has always been assumed, presumed, what-the-fuck-ever, that if you suck dick and you don’t swallow, eh, you’re not really all that good at sucking dick and, no, I’m not even trying to insult anyone who doesn’t swallow – I’m just telling you some shit that could get my cocksucking card revoked. I understand that when we cum, we… prefer to cum “in” something – mouth, pussy, and/or ass – because, well, um, that’s what we’re supposed to do and like I said earlier, even I noticed the difference in how it felt to me when I’d cum in someone’s mouth and when I wasn’t allowed to and they jerked me off. Still felt good, didn’t feel quite the same. Among men, sucking dick and swallowing cum is implied to be “mandatory” and even I don’t quite know why it is but what I know is that the guy you want sucking your dick is the one who will swallow your cum and then not complain about it and, again, if you didn’t swallow, the blowjob was deemed to be not all that good and also deemed to be a slight against the one who didn’t swallow.

Then again, those guys who would say shit like this were also guys who never had cum in their mouth or, if they did, they found it not to be to their liking but, yeah, “everyone knew” that cocksuckers not only sucked cock but swallowed cum and it’s the reason why even I’ve had guys get pissed because they shot a load into my mouth and… I’m dribbling it out and, hopefully, faster than they’re shooting it in and they didn’t always seem to understand that if I “spit” it out, it’s because it didn’t taste or feel good in my mouth and I’d rather eat liver than to swallow their cum… and I fucking hate liver with a great and deep passion because it, too, is an acquired taste that I could never acquire and did not like being made to eat it. Yuck. I’d rather swallow cum than to eat liver.

Being online and looking for a dick to suck and talking to a guy who wants to get sucked off and is looking to suck a guy off and one of the first things to be asked after “what are you into” is… do you swallow? Guys who swallow are preferred over those who don’t and that’s just the way it’s always been and, again, I do not pretend to really understand why swallowing cum is so damned important even though I do swallow it and others have swallowed my cum. It’s just… satisfying to do it. But it remains true that if the cum doesn’t taste or feel good in your mouth, you don’t have to swallow it although the guy you just sucked off might have something to say about that.

I learned that it is better to be appreciative about, to, and for anyone who (a) sucked my dick and (b) swallowed my cum… because I know they didn’t have to do either thing. And, yeah, I do check to see if my cum still tastes good and, it still does (knock on wood) to me, anyway, and it’s easy to do since, a very long time ago now, I did acquire the taste.

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Posted by on 30 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 29 November 22

If the thought of sucking a guy’s dick – or a guy sucking yours – was scary, that fear didn’t compare to the thought of someone sticking their dick… in your ass.

Ew, right? Yet, I found it to be quite pleasurable even though, yeah, sometimes, it would hurt going in and no matter how much Vaseline we’d use and I racked my brain for a few moments trying to remember how we figured out that this venerable petroleum product would make sticking it in easier… and I’m drawing a blank so this revelation gets returned to the “I Don’t Remember” file. We also discovered that Royal Crown, a pomade we’d get slathered onto our hair every damned morning – and just before having Vaseline slathered all over our face – would also get the job done as did baby oil and lotions.

I’d get older and think about how eager a lot of us were to get screwed and wondered why it seemed to be so important and I would read a lot about the history of homosexual sex and how some cultures used this kind of sex to prepare soon-to-be-men for giving women the high hard one. I remember reading about this and laughing over the fact that there was a really good chance that we were happily – or sometimes unhappily – screwing each other so that (1) we’d know how to screw a girl and, possibly (2) knowing what it felt like so that we’d have an idea of what it felt like to a girl and… not sure how that information would be useful but I found this thought to be relevant because there is such a thing as doing it too hard and too long and that made getting screwed uncomfortable after x-amount of time and I don’t know about the other guys all that much but it would eventually get on my nerves and make me ask the same question I’d sometimes hear girls ask me:

“Are you done yet? Jeez!”

Not all of the guys tried this and not all of the guy who did found it to their liking and if they did it, it was “under protest” but also in “compliance” of the rule that said if you screwed a guy, he’d get to screw you, too. Quite a few guys – and myself included – found getting screwed to be delightful, “nasty” and, well, it felt good and when none of us were shooting the baby-making stuff. Grease it up, stick it in, and just fuck and keep going until you got tired and while experiencing that “good feeling” at times that I know made me feel… tingly. You’d feel this moment, either sigh or, as some guys did, giggle, and… right back to doing it and I spent a lot of time with a guy on top of me and enjoying the weird but good feeling of his dick sliding in and out of me until he got tired, pulled out, and said, “Okay – my turn!”

It felt even better to get creamed. Once you got past the scare of doing it for the first time, yeah, it wasn’t that bad to shoot the stuff, it felt good to do it and it felt… nicely weird to feel a guy’s dick twitching and all that and his stuff is going in you and he’s moaning and all that and… he’d take a deep breath and because his dick was still hard, keep right on going or if he got soft – a rarity at this point – then it was his turn to get slathered up with something – and that included a lot of saliva if the, ah, other products weren’t available – and spend some time getting screwed and creamed.

Some years later, I would read or hear something about anal sex that said, “If something big can come out of there, something big can go in there…” and, yeah, that was right on the money and I learned that the bigger the dick, the more it would hurt going in but, yeah, it would go in just the same. One of the sub-questions that followed The Question was, “Do you do it in the hiney?” which had the dual meaning of liking to be screwed as well but, for reference, this sub-question was the third question asked and after, “Do you suck it?” If the answers were yes, yes, and yes, the fourth question was, “Do you wanna do it to me?” which meant sucking and fucking and being sucked and fucked.

There were those who couldn’t handle having it stuck in them and, as such, they still wanted to be screwed so just sticking it between their cheeks – and with the dire warning to not even try to stick it in – served as a nice, if messy, alternative; there were the guys who would consent to having it stuck in… just don’t stick it in too far, okay? Yeah, those guys found that this one didn’t work the way they expected and especially when Vaseline was used; trying not to stick it in too far usually resulted in getting all of the guy’s dick in there and, oops, sorry about that.

Those of us who enjoyed being screwed and creamed knew the answer to the question some of us asked girls: “What does it feel like?” and I know I got to understand why they would say, “It feels good!” and nothing more than that because there are no words that can really explain how good it feels – as long as the guy screwing you was of a mind to make it feel good to you and… some just didn’t care about that. I know that I didn’t like those guys all that much and especially the ones who would go out of their way to make it hurt as much as they could and I just… bore up under it without complaint because I didn’t want to get tagged as being a chump and a cry baby and like some guys wound up getting hit with.

I can’t count the number of times I was under a guy and he’s fucking me in a way that had me lying there wishing and praying that he’d hurry up and cum… and I understood why some girls also felt this way and how much they hated being made to feel this way. Still, being screwed and creamed… felt good; just having the guy on top of me and humping me felt weirdly comfortable and so much that if, by chance, the guy couldn’t get it in me, that was kinda/sorta okay because I knew he was going to cum – unless he was frustrated over not being able to get it in me and his frustration got in the way of things which kinda made getting screwed one of those, “Why did I bother?” things and, as such, I was getting a lesson in why girls insisted that we cum in – or on – them and why they’d get mad if we didn’t cum.

Getting into the adult years, I found that getting fucked was so routine that it was sometimes… boring. Dealing with guys who wanted to fuck but didn’t want to be fucked (and usually because they were afraid of it, the chumps) and finding out that there were more guys who…weren’t all that nice about it and both physically and verbally abusive which would all too often bring a quick and violent end to things because I wasn’t having any of that and if I told him to stop and get out of me – and he didn’t – well, I knew how to make them stop and get out and, yeah, blood was spilled, feelings got hurt, and as such would make me wonder if being fucked was worth the hassles that were showing up.

And, one night, having the world-shattering moment when getting screwed… wasn’t fun at all. And I gave it up. Both ways. I had blamed the guy I’d had sex with that night (and he had the longest dick I’ve ever personally seen and had, by the way) but I… knew it wasn’t really his fault that the joy of being screwed had packed its bags and left like a thief in the night. After further review, I would recall that despite his measured 13″, he… fucked me nicely but I also recalled that when it was his turn to be fucked, he whined and cried about it like the hated “little bitch” – and that was before I even got in him! He whined and cried even more once I did and the whole time I was (a) fucking him and (b) sucking his cleaned dick because, well, it was long enough, and it was right there, and I did have a good time sucking him off while fucking him and… he’s whining and complaining the whole damned time.

I would, years later, realize that him… being a little whiny bitch about it did play into it not being fun but I would also see that in the twenty to twenty-five period of my life, fucking a guy/being fucked was, again, so routine that it just wasn’t fun, and I would understand that my night with the cry baby was really the straw that broke the camel’s back. So I swore off of it. Which was fine because I loved sucking dick more and always had so this wasn’t going to be a problem… or so I thought.

A few more years would go by and I was finding moments where I missed screwing a guy and getting screwed, but I was being stubborn about it and ignoring what my body was telling me and making what would be lame excuses to the many guys who wanted me balls-deep in them and… nope, I wasn’t going to do to a guy what I no longer liked being done to me. Being… hypocritical when I got my boyfriend and, well, we were in love and that meant that we should fuck each other and as I’m typing this, I’m thinking about the lies I told myself back then and how… abjectly stupid I was about this because my body knew what I wanted and needed more than my idiotic brain did. After my boyfriend and I had to break up, I… came to my senses and more so when the joy of fucking/being fucked had, indeed, returned with my boyfriend and now it was about taking care of the need when it needed to be taken care of.

As opposed to how it used to be and when taking – and giving – the dick was “mandatory” and, yeah, getting a hard lesson on how and why women… just got tired of being screwed and, more often than not, did it out of obligation and if they even bothered with it at all. As such, I… better understood that ancient notion where, again, guys were allowed to have sex with each other so that they would know and be prepared to have sex with women and just understanding the male drive to have sex and how it can be good and literally a pain in the ass.

I still had to rediscover the joy of being screwed; the delicious nastiness of lubing up and sliding balls-deep into someone’s backside and knowing what having my dick in them felt to them and all that good stuff. The young (but very legal) lover I had decided that he didn’t like screwing me and that was a shame because he fucked me really good and loaded me up with a huge load of cum. He also decided that he couldn’t bring himself to suck my dick but felt it unfair for me to suck him off and I get left hanging, so he wanted me to fuck him and… I was still leery about it. I tried to talk him out of it and… it didn’t work, and it wasn’t really like I had to get off with him but I understood why he made the decisions he did about this. I thought he was going to have “the usual problems” a lot of guys experience the first time they get screwed and… he didn’t.

He’d tell me how good it felt to have me inside him and how… comfortable it made him feel. I very much understood what he said about how much he liked it when I came inside him and agreed with him that, yeah, that’s the “best part” of being screwed, not to mention how it felt to have your prostate stimulated in this way and he was one of those rare-to-me guys who I’d fuck and they’d cum all over the place. With him, not only did I rediscover the joys of fucking and being fucked, I learned to pick and choose both the guys and the moments for this. It was a… final departure from the times when any guy who wanted my ass could get it and now a guy would have to be… the right guy and “right” has a lot of meanings that I’m not going to try to explain since I don’t have the vocabulary to explain it in a way that doesn’t make me sound moronic.

The guys on the forum who want to be screwed but haven’t experienced it yet… cracks me up at times. I understand their fears and concerns that didn’t have anything to do with the dreaded disease card being pulled out because the guys in my more youthful days had those same fears and concerns. Was it going to hurt? Is there a way to make it not hurt? What positions are the best? The best lubes, toys, prostate stimulators, so on and so forth. Living in a sexual world where the guys who want to be fucked are… submissive and dedicated bottoms. More of a mind to let their “inner girl” out to play than, say, my generation was about this since letting “her” out felt too much like being gay but overlooking the fact that you didn’t have to be gay to engage in anal sex. The guys who are weird about giving the dick – but they have no qualms about fucking a woman in the ass but understanding why they’re weird about it because they see fucking a guy there as being… different.

Thinking way back to the younger and crazier days when even I would ask a guy why he didn’t want to fuck me when he’d admit that he’d fucked girls in the ass and, as far as that went, a lot of girls “preferred” to be fucked in the ass in order to preserve the virginity of their pussy and to hide the fact that they were sexually active and they weren’t supposed to be – yet and if ever. For those guys, the logic was sound: If you’d fuck a girl in the ass, you could – and should – fuck me because… an ass is an ass. Or dealing with guys who, for some reason, were afraid to cum in me or were funny about having cum in them and, as I would learn from them, they couldn’t get used to how it felt, and some guys were actually afraid that they’d like it.

Mentoring a guy in the ways of bisexuality and, first, laughing at him at how weird he was about fucking a guy that clearly wanted to be and then him saying that he would never be fucked… and me both laughing and telling him that there will come a time where he’s going to want to be fucked and laughing even more because I know he didn’t believe me. Of course, he found out that I was right, and it took him quite a while for him to admit that he did like being fucked and creamed and I reminded him that I did tell him that he would have to find the pleasure in it…

And just like I had found it. Then lost it. And found it again but in a different way. Understanding that it… doesn’t feel right to give it up and just because you’re expected to but the “right” way to give a guy your ass is when you feel the need to be fucked – and then with the hope he’s not going to be an asshole about your asshole. While a lot of guys are of the “size matters” contingent, I understand that size really means nothing but being able to enjoy the… nasty sensations and feelings of a man’s dick in your ass has a lot more meaning and, yeah, just like a lot of women have learned, bigger isn’t always better. The understanding that it’s not the size of the dick that can be problematic: It’s the guy it’s attached to that can be a joy or he becomes one of those bad decisions or, fuck, why did I think that having him fucking me was going to be a good thing?

Understanding why some girls/women would just lie there and take the fucking instead of demanding an immediate withdrawal and my belief that a lot of men can’t understand this… because they don’t know what it’s like to be fucked and they don’t know because, to be blunt, they’re scared to death of it. Their fear is understandable if only you consider where the dick is going and, yeah, it does hurt going in and even the smallest dick is going to be felt violating this singular place that many consider to be wholly and forever off-limits. The “side effect” of this that just might be responsible for men becoming sick and dying from prostate cancer… because they’re not going to let a doctor stick their finger in their ass for the few seconds it’ll take a doctor to feel the prostate. Getting the finger doesn’t bother me since, um, I’m used to having bigger things in my ass and I can even admit that… having my prostate examined feels good.

Yeah, I remember my first DRE – digital rectal exam – and having an embarrassing moment when my doctor slid his finger in and in the process of locating my prostate, I not only had an orgasm, but I was sporting quite the boner… and one that he acted like he didn’t see. The first time I had a female doctor do the DRE… and she was weirder about it than I was, but I understood it because a lot of guys really don’t want anyone messing with them back there. She quickly gave me the finger and she said, “That wasn’t bad, was it?” and I got the sense that it not being bad was all about her and not having to deal wtih a guy… being a whiny bitch about it than me being uncomfortable with a woman sticking her finger in my ass… when I’ve had a lot of women do that and they weren’t interested in the health of my prostate.

My protege and I often get philosophical about being fucked and inseminated. Sometimes expressing the sentiment that there’s something somewhat spiritual and very primal about being screwed in the ass and those conversations tend to get pretty deep but always boils down to how it makes us feel to be fucked and how it feels when he cums in us. He talks a lot about that bitchy, girly feeling that I know all too well and, these days, it doesn’t bother him as much as it used to; I would tell him that there’s no way to avoid feeling bitchy and girly and the secret to not being bothered by it is… to embrace the feeling and use it to enhance the pleasure of being fucked and the important lesson for him that I not only felt this way but I learned to embrace it.

And if I could, he could. He gets… ticked off dealing with guy who refuse to fuck him, and we often talk about “the bottom mindset” and try to suss out why such men refuse to use their dicks and like they very much want him to do. It is what it is these days but I speak to the fact that when you have sex with a man, you learn some shit about yourself and things that you didn’t know and for them, it boils down to it’s better to receive the dick than the give the dick and the whole top/bottom thing can make being fucked… problematic more than anything else and, yeah, I remind him that when I was growing up, you gave and received the dick in your ass… because it was fair and shying away from it made you a chicken-shit pussy of a chump.

Sighing and as usual. A lot of people don’t and can’t understand why a man would want to be fucked in the ass or, really, why anyone would want to be. The answer is… because it feels good. Being fucked is very likely the one thing that can make someone feel very vulnerable and that’s a very disturbing feeling and one that guys who have never been fucked can’t understand and how this great sense of being vulnerable has a lot to do with how the person they’re fucking is reacting to being fucked. I can tell you how it feels but you can’t get the… fuller meaning of it and there’s only one way to find out – and a lot of guys (and gals) are not of a mind to want to know this level of vulnerability and are very afraid of it. But, just like the bitchy and girly feeling, instead of fearing it, it is to be embraced. I… like the feeling because I can feel very vulnerable when being screwed and it… means something that I cannot put into words.

I love the moment when a guy cums in me and it’s difficult to explain but I’ve seen this same moment in the women that I’ve cum in as well and, as best as I can describe it, being filled with a guy’s cum… completes some stuff deep, deep down inside of us. My protege and I were talking about this moment and he was trying to understand why the guys he was fucking behaved differently when he unloaded in them and when, by his own admission, was scared to death to cum in them. I had asked him, “Have you ever paid attention to how a woman reacts when you cum inside them?” He said that he didn’t recall ever noticing it – and most guys don’t because they’re too busy cumming but I had noticed it… and I could relate to it because I know what that feels like.

It’s either, “Ahh, yes…” or it’s “It’s about goddamned time!” I shared with him how seriously pissed off I get if a guy fucks me and he doesn’t cum in me. How I have actually punched a guy in the face for pulling it out and cumming on me and, yeah, how I have not grown out of this – absent the urge to punch him in the face, though – I have gotten better about that but it is a given that if you fuck me and you don’t cum inside of me, it’s going to suck to be you when I let you know how totally and completely pissed the fuck off I am because you didn’t fucking do what the fuck you were supposed to do.

The cum goes in me. Not on me. I can forgive accidents; there have been many times when a guy has cum while trying to get it in me. It used to piss me off but, yeah, I understood it – it happens and it’s embarrassing as all get out. Or those times when a guy over-strokes, his dick pops out of me and, yep, there’s cum on my backside and, well, damn. I am 100% not a fan of the dumb shit you can see in porn where a guy is pulling it out and ramming it back in over and over and, look, motherfucker: Put it in me and keep it the fuck in me and you’d better not pull it out so you can see yourself cum because you’re going to get severely reamed out and my dick won’t be involved in the reaming.

None of that putting me in a headlock or choking me or trying to restrain my movement and you will be putting your life at risk if you start slapping me around because I do not find it enjoyable. Guys see this in porn and think that this is how guys want and like to be fucked and… dudes need to stop doing this because it’s unnecessary and not as pleasurable as it appears to be on the screen. I sometimes laugh at myself because when it comes to being fucked, I can get… prissy about it and not all that unlike a lot of women can be about it. My ass is not a pussy, by the way, but I have strived to understand why a lot of men say that they have one and… yeah. Old school bisexual over here and one who is very literal minded about things.

This is way scarier than sucking a guy’s dick. Swallowing cum (or wearing it if one prefers) is easier than having a guy pumping it into your backside because the implication is clear and one that kicked me in the balls and had me thinking, “He’s trying to get me pregnant…” and the thought was disturbing and unsettling but my mind took over and said, “Well, yeah, he is – what do you think fucking is really about and you know it’s not just about the pleasure.” Yeah, I do. I know what it means and more so given how many women I have fucked in my life and knowing that it could result in them getting pregnant. The only “real difference” is that a guy can cum in me and all that has happened is that… he came in me. Feels absolutely wonderful or, yeah, “It’s about goddamned time! Jesus Christ – what the fuck took you so long?”

You get fucked by a guy and you learn some shit about men and why women can’t stand us when it comes to having sex. You learn that it’s not as bad as everyone says it is. You learn that it’s not as gay as everyone assumes it to be and it can be done cleanly and safely. Some learn to never say never about it. That what can really make it bad is the guy doing it and not letting someone else’s fears about it to become your fears.

I grew up with this. Just another thing about that sex thing none of us were supposed to find out about. The many things I learned by getting screwed and creamed and not just about myself.

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Posted by on 29 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 28 November 22

A whole lot of my sexuality is about… sex. Wonderful, hot, sweaty, toe-curling, did you get the number of that truck sex. I learned there was an emotional side to this but one I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to. There was liking guys and then there was liking guys and word was that if you liked a guy, you might be a faggot, fairy, or queer – those things were very bad.

If you merely liked a guy, having sex with him stood a very good chance of happening and more so when no one in their right mind had sex with someone they didn’t like – except some revenge shit that I’d become aware of many years later but I’m not talking about that. You might not start out liking a guy from the start but the more you interacted with him, you eventually found things that you liked about him, didn’t like, or was just indifferent about. Getting around to talking about girls and, um, sex, was fairly inevitable and if the two of you merely liked each other, you could expect to be asked The Question:

“Have you ever done it with a boy?” This question was so commonplace that it wasn’t until I was well into my adult years that I asked how the guys who’d asked me this knew to ask the question in the first place. Yeah, I wasn’t going to give myself major headaches trying to figure this out; I was just content to know that if a guy asked me this question, he liked me and the feeling was usually mutual. I wouldn’t expect or anticipate being asked this but when it would be asked, I wasn’t all that surprised – most of the time; some of the guys I knew and liked did surprise me by asking it and I really can’t say why – and read this as I don’t really remember and even if I had a reason to be surprised.

Given that having sex with a boy was one of the greatest things since sliced bread, answering “yes” to the question was a given and usually without hesitation – but that sometimes depended on how the question was asked. There was the “I hope you say yes so we can do it” way of asking and the “Ew, that’s nasty!” way of asking and I just learned to be able to tell the difference and, yeah, sometimes, if it was the latter – and I liked the guy – that was disappointing but, sometimes, the tone of the question could change.

Worked for me and not just because of the prospect of sex but the comfort in knowing that I was liked. Now, there were a couple of guys who liked me and while they stopped short of actually saying that they loved me, the less uncomplicated version was having them tell me that they really liked me. It was nice to be liked, felt weirdly good to be really liked, and even weirder to find that I, too, really liked some guys, merely liked others, couldn’t stand more than my fair share of guys.

It just was what it was. All of that social awkwardness that comes with growing up but made a lot more interesting when I liked him, he liked me, The Question was asked and answered and… we’d do it because we liked each other enough to want to but I would see that it was also about trust and, yep, as in “I won’t tell if you won’t.” We liked and really liked girls and we were on a mission to, well, get into their panties but because there was a guy you liked and he liked you and you’d already done it to each other several times, eh, bleh, who needs them? Well, you grow up and find out that you do but, again, I’m not talking about that.

It was just comforting fun to do it with a guy and there was mutual liking, and it wasn’t about “making it good” or “doing it right” but it was all about doing it in the first place and as a way to express how much we liked each other, maybe liked each other, but that was fine. It felt good to be really liked even if no sex was involved and more so when you didn’t have to prove that this is how you felt – and the very major pain in the ass we had to suffer through with girls.

The emotional aspects, I would find, were always there but, again, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them beyond liking and liking someone but, you betcha, it sucked to find that they didn’t feel the same way about you. Bummer. A guy could, again, change his mind and it didn’t take a whole lot for me to figure out why he’d have a “change of heart” – because he was horny and no girl would want anything to do with him and if he didn’t know any other boys who were willing to do it, they knew me. They would suck up and kiss my ass to take back what they said about not liking me – but I wouldn’t really realize that this is what they were doing but I knew why and depending on how good they “kissed my ass,” we might wind up doing it or, nope. Some guys who backpedaled like this didn’t get a second chance with me and, dealing with girls, I learned quickly that you only get one chance to hurt my feelings and don’t expect me to like you if/when you hurt me like that.

Just more of that social shit we all go through. It wasn’t a thing of me “demanding” to be liked and liked enough so we could do it because you either liked me, liked me enough to want to have sex, or you didn’t one way or the other. Still, the only thing more exciting and comforting than having sex with a guy you liked was having it with a girl you really liked. Any or all “barriers” being removed so that we could suck and fuck each other silly and as many times as we thought we could get away with. A certain kind of indescribable thrill when I’d be fucking a guy and we’re both feeling absolutely wonderful and… he kisses me… and it wasn’t yucky at all. Or feeling him inside of me and he says that he really likes me and hearing myself saying that I really liked him, too – and don’t stop. All the grunting and groaning and silly sex sounds that weren’t all that silly anymore and that moment when I’d feel him squirting his cum in me and… it just didn’t get any better than that except, well, you know.

Sex and feelings were so tightly entwined that it was hard to tell the difference, but I’d interacted with so many boys and girls that I would learn what the differences were and, yeah, sometimes, painfully so to find out that someone wanted to have sex with me and just because they wanted to and knew that I would or, being treated like a piece of ass. Quite the terrible feeling, right? And, one day, coming to the understanding that whether you liked or liked someone, you’re still a piece of ass and the only real difference was in how you felt about someone/each other. “I don’t really like you, but I wanted to do it with you” was something it took me a lot of brain power to make sense of and it was difficult and complicated enough thinking about it that my mind would “say” to me, “That sucks… but you got laid.”

Way better than being told that I wasn’t liked and wasn’t getting laid.

It wasn’t until I really did fall in love with a guy that I got to understand my feelings and I mean really understand them. Going back in time and seeing that, indeed, there were quite a few guys who I really liked enough for it be called love and it was unsettling because (1) I hadn’t paid attention to it and (2) having said that it was impossible for me to like a guy like that and then getting kicked in the nuts – and really hard – to find out that I could… and falling in love with my boyfriend wasn’t the first time I’d felt this way about a guy.

Oh, and (3), I wasn’t gay. Being confused for a moment being told by my new boyfriend that one of the reasons why he loved me was because I wasn’t gay. Understanding that in the moment I really recognized my feelings and accepted, with a bit of difficulty, that what I felt for some guys was very real, it was the last barrier that got taken down and, man, talk about some eye-opening shit? Having feelings – real feelings – for a guy wasn’t really as bad as it was said to be and I was now proof that you could like a guy and it didn’t mean that you were a homosexual. Others running around and on the hunt for those deeper feelings and putting so much importance on them in order to have sex and, okay, I understood it but I also understood that in order for me to have sex with someone, all I had to do was like them enough to want to and whatever other feelings happened after that – and if the sex did happen – well, we can talk about it if you want to.

And, yeah, learning that having sex with someone can make you say that you love them and, um, you really don’t. Or maybe you do. One of the things I had to learn was that sex and love worked really nice with each other, but they were most definitely not the same things; you really didn’t need love to have sex – you just (1) had to want to have sex with them and (2) like them enough and if it happened to be a guy, okay, because this… twist worked with both men and women and it did not escape me that my being bisexual was very responsible for being able to understand and accept these nuances.

And then making myself cray-cray when I had to explain to someone how in the hell I could have sex with a guy, but I wasn’t into guys – and that meant, well, being gay. The continued insistence that if I slept with a guy, I had to be into guys like that and, yeah, an inaccurate assumption that was responsible for a lot of people telling me that I don’t look like the type and my understanding that, nope, I don’t look like the type because, to them, the “type” meant gay.

And I was most definitely not gay. Sometimes getting a kick out of the look on someone’s face when I’d tell them that I loved women and pussy too much to be gay and… they couldn’t process this. Did I ever have feelings for a guy? Yes, I did. Well, that means you’re really gay, right? Fuck no, it doesn’t. I have feelings. I got taught not to be afraid of them even if/when I have them for a guy. All it really means is… this is how I feel about him and the sex part, while nice, didn’t have anything to do with how or why I felt the way about him that I did.

Then, in the here and now, the Hearts Not Parts gang losing their shit and insisting that if you don’t like someone like that, then you’re not bisexual. The insistence that to be bisexual, the parts should not even be a consideration and… who the fuck are they kidding with this? But this, I would learn, is a part of that thing where sex is considered to be less important even when you did, in fact, love the shit out of someone and cannot not be that important in a relationship and, oh, by the way, if you wouldn’t get yourself into a same-sex relationship, you’re not really bisexual.

That continued belief that if you don’t have feelings for someone, you’re not supposed to have sex with them and by feelings, that excluded plain old ordinary lust; you see someone and something inside of you says, “Oh, I want to fuck them!” and nothing more than that. To have casual sex, you… need to be horny and of a mind to get laid and now it’s all about picking someone that, for you, is okay enough – and whatever that means to you, and it doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone. It was “historically” easy to have sex with a guy because the only feelings you needed were lusty ones and if they were borne out of just being horny, well, that worked. Deemed to be “better” than trying to have sex with all those feelings “getting in the way and fucking shit up.” A somewhat continued belief that if you had any kind of feelings for a guy, you might really be gay. And, yes, bisexuals totally fucking up all of these misguided perceptions.

I get to see so many guys who are all about someone being into them. I ain’t gonna say that they require a guy to be in love with them but they do have to be… emotionally invested in them or, you gotta like them for more than someone to just have sex with – and many of these guys feeling some kind of way because “the norm” continues to be more casual than relational and we have always held it as true that sex outside of a relationship is… wrong and it’s a sin. Just not the way it’s supposed to happen and no matter how much we want to bump uglies with someone.

I get it but it still and often gets me scratching my head and asking no one in particular, “What the fuck is going on here… and why is it going on?” Being into someone so that having sex is possible isn’t a bad thing and is very much in line with what I was taught as a wee lad: Never have sex with someone who you don’t care about or love and you’re not going to be in a relationship with… and learning that you can have sex with someone, not love them, and don’t want to be in a relationship with them and, really, I don’t know anyone who has sex with someone that they don’t care about – and read this as someone they wouldn’t have sex with if their life depended on it because they just do not like anything about them and there ain’t that much being desperate in the world.

Bisexuality taught me a lot about feelings. Mine as well as others. If you liked a guy, The Question might come up and if you liked a guy, it was definitely going to come up and there was great incentive to do it either way… because having sex is da shit and even with another guy. Hanging with a guy and he says he’s horny and you say that you are, too, and wishing there was something we could do about that right now and, yep, there is something we can do and it’s not “really” about liking each other but just merely liking each other does play into dicks getting sucked and, nope, I’m not going tell because I don’t know what you’re talking about (wink, wink). Again, way easier than trying to convince a girl that you really like and care about her and, yeah, even if you really didn’t – you just wanted to play Hide the Sausage with her. You just had to be horny and bold enough to want to have sex with a guy and he wasn’t going to mind one bit as long as he got to bust a nut. Or two. Feelings? Yeah, okay, I like you, but I don’t like you, but we can do it again if you want to because that’s the “only thing” that matters other than us liking each other enough to be doing it in the first place.

Bisexuality taught me this. Might have learned it if I wasn’t bi but the point is moot. I am and I did learn it. Even now, I’m sitting here and thinking about all the times I really liked a boy and frowning because I hadn’t really realized that until I really liked a man and one who told me, “They don’t get any gayer than I am!” and, yeah, I loved him for it and, hell, yeah, having sex with him was simply amazing – but it’s supposed to be when you really like – are in love – with someone; it just gets confusing because despite the obvious existence of gay men, guys can like each other like that and not be gay… and you really don’t have to like a guy like that to want to get naked with him and have sex because, um, sex is fun.

I sometimes wonder if “I’m the only one” who understands this. I know that I’m not but still. None of this is complicated for me because I understand this, and I accept that it’s the reality of things or the way it can be. It’s okay for me to have sex with a guy and not be into him – but I do have to (a) like him enough to want to and (b) find something else interesting about him while understanding that (c) things could progress from there… but they don’t have to and I have no fear about that because if it’s the way I feel, it’s the way I feel and if it’s just lust, well, okay – just don’t be my idea of an asshole and we’re good.

My bisexuality is a lot about having sex because, duh. But it’s also about my feelings and the now-proven fact that I not only have them, I can have them for a guy. Been there and was doing that before I knew I was doing that. It… just is what it is. I can really like you like that and we don’t have to have sex but, um, yeah, if you want to, I’m not going to tell you that we shouldn’t – where the fun in that and more so when you just might be thinking that us having sex would be… nice. Well, let’s find out, shall we?

And if you’re a guy, I won’t tell if you won’t.

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Posted by on 28 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 26 November 22

Man, this year is just flying right along!

A man’s cock is an interesting thing. In one state, it’s just a soft, floppy appendage attached to our body and, well, we pee. In another state – and we get stimulated – it can go, become firm and hard while at the same time, is also silky smooth to the touch and we go from not being able to ejaculate to doing it and after we do, it goes back to being that soft and floppy thing that’s attached to us.

I remember being told not to play with it… so you know that’s exactly what I did. I would marvel over going from soft to hard and how good it would feel but knowing that if one of my parents caught me doing it, well, that would be bad. I remember how… tingly I would feel and it was such a strange feeling but not a bad one. Yes, it was a great relief to know that because I was playing with it, I hadn’t gone blind, and I would find out that my thing was for more than just going to the bathroom. I mean, who knew that a girl’s kitty cat was the place I could put my thing in when it got hard? I hadn’t known that… but I sure found out and, oh, boy, did that feel good and weird and learning how to do “it” to a girl was the most amazing thing ever and especially when there were moments when I’d get really tingly and kinda/sorta not feeling okay but feeling okay.

Then I learned about dicks. Soft and floppy one moment, hard and silky smooth the next. The tip soft and spongy and leaking something that wasn’t pee; being totally clueless about what it was but, hmm, it had an interesting taste – but not as interesting as what wound up in my mouth moments later! Thick, warm, and kinda sweet and kind of salty and there was a lot of it and so much that I didn’t know what to do with it so I… swallowed it. It just kinda slid down into my stomach and I knew that I was onto something that was wonderful and amazing and I couldn’t wait to tell my friends what I had found out about…

Only to find out that a lot of them already knew. Well, damn! But that was okay because that meant that we could do things to our dicks to make them go from soft to hard, well, if they were even soft at that point and they usually weren’t because we were about to do it and, of course, the “it” was… having sex. I loved having their dicks in my mouth and feeling how hard but how soft they were; hearing them moaning or, sometimes, giggling and discovering that we all knew about that “good feeling” we would get that would, for a moment, take our breath away then the feeling would go away and maybe our dick went back to being soft but sometimes it didn’t and, well, that was fine because that meant being able to keep right on sucking on it or the other thing that could be done with it and in that place that everyone knew was dirty and nasty.

It didn’t take us long to figure out (about two days after my first experience) that if you get your dick wet and slippery, um, it could go in that place and those of us who had already done it to a girl found that, yep, you can do the same thing to a boy and, man, having a guy’s thing in your butt felt weird, but kinda good, too. Sometimes it hurt for a moment but after a while – and while he was doing it to you – it felt good more than it felt bad and even I would get to giggling to feel a guy’s dick… twitching inside of me and I learned to equate this with that good feeling we all would feel. A guy would have that good feeling, his thing would get all twitchy and some guys said that they felt light-headed at the same time but that, too, would pass, their dick was still hard and, well, just keep right on doing it!

There were older guys who could… shoot the stuff and I got to taste it and feel them shooting it in me but I’d also feel a sense of sadness when their dick would go from hard and smooth to soft and dangly and having more fun with it was going to take a while. Among the “newly-formed” Band of Horny Brothers, we couldn’t wait to be able to shoot the stuff! And then, one day, I did for the first time and, yeah – still embarrassed to think about how that went. It seemed to me that once I did it, the rest of my friends started doing it “shortly” thereafter, but it wasn’t long before we were having a field day shooting the stuff into each other’s mouth or butt. So many tastes, feelings, sounds, and smells to process. Some of us liked the way the stuff tasted and some hated it; likewise, some girls liked it in their mouth but they liked it better in their kitty cat or, yep, sometimes in their butt even if our dick wound up there by accident because, um, we weren’t that adept at getting in the right hole.

Having a hand on a friend’s dick. Feeling him go from soft to hard and still amazed at how something that could get so hard still feel smooth and all that. Putting his dick into my mouth and sucking on it; hearing him making those sex sounds that just made me want to laugh because, in retrospect, we sounded like idiots. But if he was making the sounds, that meant that what I was doing felt good to him and that also meant that, at some point, it was really going to feel good and… his stuff – the jizzum as the old dudes were heard to call it – would start shooting into my mouth and, usually, it tasted so good and sometimes, ugh, it didn’t and I would begin to find myself feeling… sad or upset when he stopped shooting it – but only for a moment because we were learning that if we “took a break for a few minutes,” we’d go from soft and floppy to being bigger and harder and here we go again!

While some guys didn’t like it in their butt, well, um, I did. We knew that we all had dicks but we also found out that they weren’t all the same; some were longer than others and some were fatter or thinner and some had that ugly skin covering everything up and most of us didn’t and all of this would come together to make having a guy do it to me in my butt… interesting. Sometimes a bit more painful than I anticipated but while I knew that some of my friends would complain and beg the other guy to take it out – and especially if the guy stuck it in “too far,” well, I wasn’t going to be that guy because I knew that if I complained about it too much, he was going to stop and be mad at me and not shoot his stuff in me.

It wasn’t lost on me that a male friend would do to me what I would do to a girl and if she let me shoot it in her at all. We all knew that girls were weird but we had discovered sex and knew that our stuff could make a baby in them and, at least to me, it made sense that some girls were afraid to get it in their pussy but, okay and it was okay because we’d overhear the adults talking about some woman or girl who could have a baby “getting into trouble” and the guy who got them into trouble would also be in trouble and, nope, wasn’t trying to find out what that really meant.

Which made us guys doing it to each other and filling each other’s butt up with the jizzum more of a fun thing to do. Girls were afraid of it… but we weren’t. Man, kid logic is a thing of beauty and much of what we were doing to girls and each other… just made sense and for me to say that we all lost our minds over the sex thing is me being really polite about it. What we didn’t know about the sex thing we learned. Quickly. Who knew it could be fun to do it to a girl and a boy at the same time? We found out that it was, well, most of the time and especially with the people us boys were told to stay away from: The Hot in the Ass girls. The ones who didn’t mind sucking us off or taking us in their pussy, their ass and, sometimes, both. And then learning something else about my dick.

That day when I was playing with a friend and my dick got hard… and my balls started to hurt. Just a little at first but it really started to hurt pretty bad and I had no idea why they were hurting. Talk about uncomfortable? My friend noticed it and asked what was wrong and I told him that I didn’t know but my nuts were hurting really bad now. He asked me if my dick was hard and I told him that it was and that it was hurting, too. He said, “I know what’s wrong – watch this!” He pulled his dick out of his pants and played with it until it went from soft and floppy to hard and standing up; he wrapped his hand around it and started pulling on it and, wow, that was interesting but the pain in my groin wasn’t getting any better.

“Take it out and do what I’m doing,” he said. I did and, okay, what’s going to make this not hurt so much? He… played a dirty trick on me by telling me to get real close and just watch what happens and I got right up there, and I really wanted his dick in my mouth but he said to watch so I did, and while mimicking what he was doing with his hand. A moment later, he started moaning and groaning and he… shot his stuff all over my face! Yuck! But, hmm, it did look kinda cool seeing it shooting out all over the place and a few moments later, I got that really good feeling; my dick got harder and even a little longer and… I was caught up between shooting my jizz and watching it shooting out of the head of my dick and feeling it pulsing and pumping in my hand and, importantly, the moment that happened, my balls stopped hurting.

Then I punched my friend in the face for tricking me like that. Still, I had learned something else – how to make myself shoot and some stuff about my body, too, and despite it having been a painful lesson. Now I knew what “being horny” really was and that there was something you could do about it and you could do this all by yourself and, yeah, you probably know I had a field day doing this new thing I learned. I had a lot of fun making my dick go from soft and floppy to nice and hard and still fascinated at how silky it felt at the same time. Feeling it in my hand and finding ways to make it feel even better and just getting lost when I’d shoot my jizz “all over the place” and, one time, shot myself in the face and almost getting it in my eyes! Sometimes shooting it “so hard” that it would make my butthole hurt! Ah, but then I figured out that I could “jerk” myself and finger-fuck my butt at the same time! Okay, that took a lot of focus and coordination, but I got the hang of it and while it was always fun to have sex with someone else, having sex with myself… was rather nice. I thought that it didn’t get any better than this.

Then I found out that it could and did. I’d like to take this moment to thank my late father for telling me not to do something that I hadn’t known anything about. I knew about that “bump” that girls had in their pussy and that they called it “the little man in the boat” and girls liked it when you rubbed it – but not too hard – but who knew that you could lick and suck it just like you can lick and suck a guy’s dick? I hadn’t known that… but I found out. I found out that if you lick and suck it the right way, their clit would get hard and just like a dick did; if you really licked and sucked it the right way, it would start twitching and just like a guy’s dick would when he shot cum, which was the new word in the vocabulary… but girl’s didn’t shoot cum (but I would learn differently a lot of years later!) but they either really liked how that felt or it was too weird for them but if sucking dick fascinated me, eating pussy did… although I didn’t really understand why it was called “eating” but what I knew was… I loved the shit out of it. And some girls had bigger clits than others but it remained true that if you licked and sucked on it the right way, oh, man, it felt so good to do this and girls, again, either really liked it or not so much.

I mean, really – who knew they got hard like we did? That, depending on the girl, you could spread those lips apart and you might not really see her clit but, ah, when you got to licking and sucking on it, yeah – there it is! It felt hard but also smooth and it drove girls crazy, making them smash my face into their pussy and, whew, I thought guys behaved in crazy ways when I’d suck their dick and they were about to cum… but it didn’t come close to how girls behaved when they were about to cum or, as I would learn, have “the big O” and “O” stood for orgasm and another thing I learned and especially that boys could have them, too; that was, as I would learn one day when I was happily jerking off, when you feel like you came but you really hadn’t yet. Good stuff.

Still and for me, there was always that thrill of taking a guy’s soft dick in my mouth and feeling it getting hard as I sucked it. The taste and feel; that musky scent and, oh, yeah, hair down there that if you weren’t careful could get stuck in your teeth. Cupping his balls and noticing how they’d start out “hanging low” but the more excited they got and the closer they got to cumming, how they’d start to snug up closer to their body; noticing that just before they came, I could feel… tremors running along their shaft then, man, feeling their dick start to swell – a little or a whole lot – in my mouth; hearing him losing his mind and, often, shouting out that he was gonna do it or cum and… then he does. Hot and tasty cum blasting into my mouth and feeling his dick pumping and twitching like crazy and he’s either writhing in pleasure or “frozen stiff” as he shot his cum into my mouth. Feeling a great sense of accomplishment and a bit of sadness when his dick would stop pumping and he’s starting to get soft… and knowing that if I wanted to suck his dick again – or take it in my ass – well, I was going to have to wait.

Who knew that you could do this to a girl, and she would cum more than once and would actually want to keep doing that again and again? That it would make her feel so… crazy that, sometimes, she’d move away from me so fast that it wasn’t funny and the looks they’d give me? Looking at me like was trying to kill them or like they were afraid of me but learning that, no, they weren’t afraid – it was just a reaction they’d have when I’d eat their pussy really good and, sometimes, better than they expected. Girls were… insane when they came. I got hurt a lot eating them and, well, that didn’t happen when I sucked a guy’s dick other than them trying to ram all of it down my throat but I knew how to stop them from doing that… but that didn’t work on girls and I took it as being good at eating them when they’d literally beat me up and, eventually, begging me to stop eating them.

Good stuff. For me, sucking a guy’s dick from soft to hard and back to soft was so good and fascinating and not all that different from doing the same thing to a girl’s pussy because, as I would learn, her clit was just like our dicks – just with some noted differences but their clit had a head and a shaft and just like we did and, oh, hell, yeah. It was called “giving head” and while there were many who didn’t like giving it or getting it, well, hmm – something must be wrong with them because giving and getting it was so damned good. There were both girls and guys who didn’t like having cum in their mouth and, okay, that’s why it was being said to be an acquired taste. Yeah, a guy’s cum could sometimes taste horrible and sometimes so bad that I had to spit it out but it was becoming clearer that I was one of those guys who would do what a lot of girls wouldn’t: Let a guy cum in my mouth and swallow it – unless it tasted shitty.

And in the doing, learning so much about males, females, and how they looked at and thought about what it meant to have sex and how the way I thought, looked at and felt about it was… different. There were the straight ones and the gay ones and then there were guys and gals just like me – and the word was bisexual. Hetero is Greek for opposite; homo means the same; bi means two or both and especially when sexual was attached. Hmm. Learning how and why some people were really funny about having sex and some just weren’t all that funny about it but also knowing that if you weren’t heterosexual, that made you a very bad person in the eyes and minds of many and, well, who knew how stupid people could be about it? Well, not really stupid in that sense but I both amazed and greatly saddened to bear witness to the fact that there were a lot of people who really didn’t seem to understand sex and definitely not how I was learning to understand it.

Having sex with a guy could be good and satisfying. Sucking each other off. Fucking each other and because I had sex with girls, knowing and understanding that the guy was doing the same thing to me that I would gleefully do with girls. Learning to cope with that really girly feeling I’d experience when being fucked and especially when the guy would cum inside of me. So good. “Deliciously nasty,” as I would come to describe it given where his cum was going. The very sure knowledge and understanding that I should not be having sex with a guy – period. But, shit, because girls were really funny about who they had sex with – and if they would at all – what did they – society – think guys were going to do? I understood why homosexual men were hated so much but would reason that it’s… unrealistic to think that just because a guy is a guy, his only sexual interest are girls… because, clearly, that wasn’t what was really going on.

And then, there were folks like me. People to which it didn’t make a difference if the person they had sex with was male or female because what was important was… having sex. The intimacy and thrill of it and reveling in the differences between the male and female form but, at least for me, also noticing the similarities, too. What was so damned good about it and what wasn’t good at all and then understanding that it wasn’t the sex that was bad… but some people just made it bad. C’est la vie. Seeing that sex has a beauty to it; form that follows function. Still fascinated over my own dick being good and hard but soft to the touch at the same time. The simple joy and pleasure in getting myself off and, one day, getting it into my head that it just might be possible for me to suck my own dick!

As it turned out, it wasn’t that easy to do and there were a lot of aches and pains experienced in the doing. It… wasn’t enough to be able to contort myself enough to get the head of my dick almost in my mouth and wind up shooting myself in the face more often than not. No. I had to suck my dick. It was a great accomplishment to be able to get the head of my dick in my mouth and suck on it until I came and, man, was that one hell of a set of feelings! I knew what it felt like to be sucked and I knew what it felt like to suck a dick but to feel both of those things at the same time? Incredible doesn’t cover it… but even that wasn’t enough and after more aches, pains, and some pulled muscles and sprains, I was finally able to give myself a proper blowjob and, oh, my God. The focus it took to ignore my body’s complaints while pretty much losing my mind to feel my hard softness in my mouth and doing to myself what I loved to do to other men and busting one hell of a nut in my mouth. About as crazy a feeling as anything I’d ever felt before. Also the one time in my life where I wished my dick was longer than it was and “way longer” would have been nice but I could do it. Better than jerking off. Figured out that I could suck myself off while, um, borrowing my wife’s vibrator and turning that puppy on to its highest setting and… wow. Holy shit. Cumming in my mouth and like it would never end and then feeling all wobbly and walking funny going to the bathroom to thoroughly clean her vibrator and, yeah, holy shit that was fucking intense.

Gingerly sitting down later and wondering that if I weren’t bisexual, would I have discovered these joys and sensations – and being very damned glad that I did discover and indulge myself in them. Oh, and a moment of sheer embarrassment because my wife figured out that I was playing with her toy because I failed to put it back exactly where she had it. Uh-oh. But it was cool, and she thought it was hilarious… but, then again, she already knew what I was. And then learning that this was way more than just sex. Much more. Having a boyfriend was one hell of an experience and more emotional than physical even though we were very physical with each other. His dick was… perfect. A work of art that I had learned to appreciate but appreciated it more because I did love him but his perfection was all in the size and shape of his dick, both soft and floppy and hard and silky smooth and, for me, it was the final lesson learned about being bisexual, that being, no one is really immune to the power of love and if I didn’t understand homosexuals before, I got taken to school. Big time.

And understanding more about myself. Now, I’ve written this in some form and way before. This… got back into my head because I woke up and… my dick was hard. It’s what woke me up, to be honest about it. My hand went to it automatically and renewed my fascination of being “rock hard” but still silky smooth at the same time and then… my bladder had something to say and, okay, time to get up and take care of that and… sit down and write about what it’s like to… have a hard-on. From what it feels like to how I really learned to… love a man’s dick and, of course, my own. Learning about sex and a lot of the ways it can be done. Sucking dick. Tasting and swallowing cum. Deliriously happy that I disobeyed my father and went right out to put my mouth on a girl’s pussy and learning that I could drive them crazy using my lips and tongue and, again, not all that different from having a guy’s hard softness in my mouth and sucking on him until he came… and, one day, finding out that women can cum, too, and, um, it’s a very wet experience. Feeling their clitty twitching and pulsing in my mouth and in a very familiar way. Feeling it go from soft and supple to hard and, yeah, oddly, silky smooth at the same time. Taking in how they react to being eaten into orgasm and more than once or twice.

And sitting here writing this all over again and thinking that had I not gotten some dick that fateful day, I might not have learned what I learned. Maybe I would have but the point is moot because I did learn…

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Posted by on 26 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 25 November 22

I’ve always been a student of bisexuality and I’ve learned a lot about it over the decades but the one thing that continues to elude me is why a man who has never, ever, given a single thought about having sex with a man decides that this is what he wants and needs to do.

Sure, I’ve talked to guys who made this decision and, for the most part, they’ve said that “it sounded like a good idea” or other things along those lines. I know that some guys… stumble into this and by this, I mean that something happens that gets the idea in their head, or they find themselves having that first experience but there was no intent to think about this or, gulp, it’s happening. One guy told me that he wound up having his first experience because he got to talking to a guy in the market about the long cashier lines and “the next thing he knew,” the two of them were at his house and giving each other head.

And he insisted that before this happened, he never had a single thought about sex like this. Stuff like this has had me sitting, thinking, and asking myself, “How does this happen?” Classically, a guy in a sexless relationship is struggling with it and thinking about what, if anything, he can do about it and, okay, I’d say this is pretty normal but what “tells” him that the solution to his dilemma is to have sex with a man?

Guys with prior experience? I understand that and I understand intellectual bisexuals, those guys who are aware of bisexuality in males, are in touch with their feelings but there’s no need for them to have the sex. That such men would decide to take the plunge, well, it makes sense given that they’ve had it on their mind albeit in the background of things. But way back when I was in my twenties, I saw a lot of men who were 100% against sex with men “suddenly” decide that this was a good thing for them to do and asking them why they had this change of mind did reveal certain situations that tended to have something to do with women. Okay. This wasn’t unknown to me but what was – and still is – unknown was… what made them decide that having sex with a guy was the thing they had to do?

And I don’t know. I have a boatload of theories and none of which I can really prove, i.e., there aren’t too many guys who don’t know about gay men and the sex they have. I have theorized that if a guy says that he’s never thought about doing such a thing, well, he’s still thinking about it even in the negative… right? I still remember sitting and talking to a guy and how the conversation went from talking about local event to him asking me, “Why do I want to suck your dick?” And… I didn’t know and, apparently, neither did he because he was just as shocked at what he said as I was hearing it.

That we did it is… immaterial at this point. I gave him the third degree after we finally got done with each other because I wanted to know if he knew why he wanted to do something that I’d heard him say many times before that he didn’t believe in and would never do. He couldn’t explain it. Said that it was a feeling that hit him in the moment he said it. I considered that he was trying to play the innocent game with me, you know, he had the intent on wanting to do this and trying to make me believe that it came out of nowhere, but I’d seen this one many times before and, yeah, you can’t bullshit a bullshitter and this guy didn’t give that… bullshitter feel and like a lot of guys in the ‘hood did. He’s asking me why he wanted to do it and, shit, if he didn’t know, I sure as hell didn’t.

Okay. I knew that, for some guys, sex with a dude was at the very bottom of their list of things to do or “in case of emergency.” As I’ve said before, those guys would crack me up talking about what they’d do if some faggot asked to suck their dick and how they’d teach him a lesson… by letting the guy suck his dick. Hilarious. Just so full of shit but observing this is what got me theorizing that if a guy has thought about this but is, well, “homophobic,” the thought is still in his mind somewhere and very likely waiting and biding its time to make an appearance and, usually, when they least expect it.

Kinda/sorta makes sense but, sheesh, I’ve had sex with men who have, by their own admission – and they have no reason to lie – been heterosexual their whole life and here they are talking to me about having sex with me and when asked what put this into their head, they’ve just shrugged, said it sounds like a good idea, I seemed to be a understanding kind of guy and one guy admitted that he felt sexually attracted to me and he also said that he didn’t know why he was since men aren’t supposed to be sexually attracted to each other – but he knew about gay men.

Do I really want to know? Eh, not really because I feel that I will never find out the mechanism behind this; this is just me “riffing” about the one thing about male bisexuality that I do not understand and… I don’t like not knowing something. Yeah, I’m just quirky like that. I’m somewhat “content” to know that the subconscious mind has some shit going on that we aren’t aware of and that it… whispers shit to us and in a way that makes it sound and feel like something we came to some kind of decision about. I’ve suspected that one’s subconscious could… put this “out there” and the conscious mind makes a decision but is unaware of where this came from and if this is the case, I’m good with it because nothing else I’ve learned about this make sense.

I’ve thought that the conscious mind tends to… reject stuff like, we know that men aren’t supposed to have sex with each other or have “feelings” for each other that isn’t just friendship… but the subconscious mind can have… other ideas and, I suspect, pokes a guy and, consciously, he’s not even aware that he’s being poked or if he is, he consciously “pushes it out of his mind.” Until, one day, he gets poked and it gets stuck in his conscious mind and right along with certain situations and just like I’ve heard a lot of guys say, “all of a sudden,” they want and need to know what it’s like to have sex with a man and now they’re “off and running” with it and consciously supplying a lot of reasons for why they need to know about and do this – and those reasons are, usually, valid ones up to and including, “I always wanted to know what it’s like.”

I grew up meeting guys who wanted to know if I’d ever done it with a boy and because they hadn’t, but they wanted to. I would wonder why they wanted to but, yeah, it wasn’t that important… at the time. They’d ask questions, I’d do my best to answer them, and they were either going to go for it or decide it was in their best interest not to. I would learn that they’re asking me about it because they knew some guy or guys who were doing it to each other and… they’re curious and curiosity “demands” to be satisfied one way or the other.

Sigh. It’s a mystery that I know that I won’t be able to solve. This is filed under, “I Don’t Know Why But I Know That It Happens.” A guy tells me that he really doesn’t know why he wants to do this and I say that I understand because I do understand that they really might not know and, again, suspect that something in their subconscious is… messing with them. Poking them to take the plunge and maybe “pointing out all of the reasons” why they should do this but leaving it up to the consciousness to make decisions. I’ve sat with such men and have listened to their justifications to do something they know they’re not supposed to do and, again, never gave any thought about. And here they are asking me about it – doesn’t matter if I’m the guy they want to do something with or they have someone else in mind.

Mysterious. Bugs the shit out of me because all I have are unproven theories. I want to know because guys ask me if I know what made them think of this and damned if I really know and I just learned to admit that I don’t know – because I don’t. Oh, well.

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Posted by on 25 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 24 November 22

I’m lying on the bed, hot, sweaty, and damned horny with my legs open to accommodate the guy lying between them. He had his thumb in my ass and was just holding it there while he licked and sucked my dick and balls and, my goodness, he was good and hungry and as he’d said he was.

Moments later, he’s astride me, moving on me with what I would call slow intent and despite the lube, he’s so nice and tight and, again, I think and agree that he is as he had presented himself to be. He’s into riding me, moaning, groaning, working himself onto my hardness while occasionally smiling, probably at some inner thought or whatever. I’m thinking that if he keeps this up, it won’t be long before I cum.

Suddenly, he stops and sits straight up and I’m wondering if something is wrong and more so when I see what looks like a confused look on his face and I ask if everything is okay. He nods, wipes some perspiration from his face and forehead, clears his throat and asks, “Do you ever feel… weird when you do this?”

“What, having sex with a guy?” I asked.

“Yeah. Does it ever feel weird that you’re doing something that only women are supposed to do?” he asked.

“Maybe when I was younger,” I replied. “I… could appreciate the similarities and the differences. I guess, back then, it did feel weird, but it also felt so good that maybe I didn’t think it was all that weird. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he said as he started moving again. “I just had a moment, that’s all.”

Moments later, I’m gasping for air, caught up in my release into him; I can hear him saying “yes” over and over while continuing to grind on me until I’m no longer spurting inside of him. He leans over and… kisses me lightly on the lips and says, “I am so glad that you wanted to do this with me, and I hope my feeling weird for a moment didn’t bother you.”

“It didn’t,” I said. “Now and if you’re ready, let me get you off…”

He dismounts and I hear that somewhat obscene sound of my now-flaccid dick coming out of him along with the equally obscene-sounding “pop” as I’m completely out of him. I help him onto his back and immediately take my place between his legs and, right away, my senses are assaulted by the heavy, musky scent of sex as I take him into my mouth and work him into hardness; despite all that he’s already done for the both of us, I’m not of a mind to show him any mercy and I suck him like everything depended on him releasing into my mouth.

“Wait, wait,” he rasps out and I stop immediately and look up at him. “Do you feel weird when you’re doing this?”

I don’t know what’s going on in his head but I know that I’m feeling a little irritated at this interruption… but I shove it away and say, “I always feel weird when I suck dick but I’ve been doing it for so long that I don’t even think about it. Are you okay? Because I’m getting a little concerned.”

I’m… fine. I feel… wonderfully weird,” he says.

“Can I finish what I started?” I asked, partly in jest, partly in concern about him.

“Please,” he says and… I wreak havoc upon his erection until he’s writhing on the bed and so much that I have to hold him down, working my mouth on him good and deep until I feel his prick swell in my mouth and… yes. He’s cumming and thrusting into my mouth and the “usual” verbal incoherence and I keep working on him until he’s no longer giving me his cum and he begins to soften and I feel… sad for a moment because for the moment, he’s spent, I am, too, and… that’s that.

And now, we’re having a conversation about feeling weird and how weird it feels to feel weird while doing something that you’ve not only done many times before, but you really have no problems doing. As he’s trying to tell me what was going on with him at the moment he felt weird, I’m searching through my memories for any or all moments that I felt weird about having sex with a guy and so much that it got my attention. I admitted that, yeah, I’ve often felt weird but I just… ignore it; it’s just part of the feelings being experienced.

“I’ve had moments when I’ve thought, “What am I doing?” but that weird thought never stopped me from whatever was going on,” I said. “It’s like… I know that I shouldn’t be having sex with a guy but here I am doing just that and… I ignore the weirdness.”

“Yeah! That’s it!” he exclaimed. “What’s up with that?”

I knew what it was – the social conditioning that got pounded into all of us about who you can’t have sex with, and I remember frowning over how… incongruent this is, or, those thoughts and my actions are clearly not on the same page with each other, and I just learned to ignore whatever… weirdness is going on in my head. I was giving him the “short” version of this because I really wanted to suck him off again and it just wasn’t weird at all that I wanted to. I cut the conversation short by pushing him onto his back and going right after his dick. He gasps, I moan and it all begins again but now that we were talking about it, I can… hear that voice in my head bitching at me for doing that which I am never supposed to be doing.

And in my head, I say, “Shut the fuck up and go the fuck away – I’m busy!” And the voice fades back into the background clutter of my mind as I enjoy bringing him again. Moments later, we’re in the shower together and… I’m balls-deep in him again and just under the clutter and “fog of sex,” I can feel the social conditioning poking at me and… I ignore it. I cum in him, pull out quickly and turn around; I can hear the huskiness in my voice as I tell him to get inside me and fuck me. I gasp to feel him pressing against my hole and thanks to the slippery nature of soap, he slides right into me and, yeah, I do feel weird and… I ignore it. Oh, he’s giving it to me good and hard and that damned voice in my head is being drowned out by the very obscene sound of his wet flesh slapping into mine.

He’s moaning and fucking hard into me; I hear myself saying, “Fuck me…” over and over and, yeah, I really do feel weird saying this to him but, well, it’s the way I’m feeling and any further thoughts literally gets fucked out of my brain as he starts fucking into me harder and faster and his dick swells and… yes. This is what I’m “talking” about. I can feel his dick pumping away inside of me and I’m barely aware of what he’s mumbling about because… I feel weird that he’s cumming in me but, eh, nothing new about that because I’ve always felt weird in this moment, and I just learned to ignore it. It’s always felt… wrong but, okay, this is a kind of wrong that feels pretty damned good so, yeah, go away and leave me alone already.

Later, I’m in my car and headed home. I feel good. My thoughts are now on what I know I’m gonna be doing once I get home, namely, there’s a very horny lady waiting for me and, well, she’s always like this and I know what she’d gonna want to do once I walk through the door. And thinking about “turning right around” and having sex with her makes me feel… weird for a moment. That fucking voice in my head yapping about how I shouldn’t have had sex with that guy and having the nerve to now be in bed with her and unleashing my lust, desire, and love for her upon her. And… I ignore it and just like I have always done and once I learned how to because the voice in my head has been proven to be wrong each and every time I’ve ever had sex with anyone and I long ago decided that I am never, ever, going to feel bad or weird over being what I am.

Bisexual. I’m feasting on her pussy. Licking. Sucking. The tip of one finger teasing her insides. God, she is so hot – literally hot. Feverishly hot. The stray thought that pops into my head about that time I actually took her temperature when we were having sex; it annoyed her but I was genuinely concerned at how hot her body was and found that her temp had elevated to a whopping 103 degrees. Not that it stopped me from doing her then… or now. I know she’s cumming because I can feel her clit pulsating against my lips and… just like that guy’s dick did when he filled my mouth with his cum… and I smile against the hot wetness of her pussy… and work to make her cum again. And again. And one more just because.

I slide into her and take a moment to think about how I want to fuck her. Nice and slow or hard and fast? I look at her and her green eyes are so pretty and… hard and fast will work for her. She’s cumming again and I can feel it in her pussy as well in the way her body is shuddering against mine as I drive in to her hard and deep over and over until… yes. I’m looking into her eyes, and I see them widen because she feels me swelling inside of her and her eyes kinda roll up into her head as I’m pumping cum into her hard and fast so much that… it’s making my butthole hurt.

Ah, so good. I look at her and she smiling at me and I know that smile; it’s her, “Do it again!” smile and, shit, my body is going to hate me when it’s all said and done. I don’t say anything. I pull out of her and kiss my way down her hot and sweaty body and fasten my mouth onto her pussy and as I gather whatever energy I have left I hear her ask…

“Do you feel weird when you do that?”

“Do what?” I asked – and, believe me, I’m actually grateful for this interruption.

“What you’re doing now and what we just did… but you were just with that guy,” she says.

“Not one bit,” I said and go right back to what I was doing and to our mutual delight. I’m… giddy being back inside of her because I have well and truly outdone myself today and as I lie next to her after giving her whatever cum I had left to give, I… don’t feel weird at all but I very much feel like… myself. No need to feel weird about what I am and as I get my tired ass up so I can go on to the next things I have to do, that fucking voice is… grumbling and slinking back to the dark cave it lives in. It has, once again, failed to stop me from… being me. The weirdness of it all isn’t lost on me – I just don’t pay it any attention because I know that I’m right and that fucking voice is… wrong. I’m in the kitchen doing… something and I’m smiling to myself but it’s only momentary because what I have to do now is to get as much “rest” as I can because when it’s bedtime, I’ll be having sex again and this time with two women and, yeah, it does feel wonderfully weird and it’s just another day as far as this part of things are concerned.

Deep into the night, I’m lying between the two of them and we’re snuggling, and my wife asks, “Do you feel weird having sex with both of us?”

And here we go again! I tell her – telling both of them, really – that I feel weird, and I don’t and before I can say another word, I see that they’re both asleep. Good and because now I can go to sleep, and I do so with the thought that tomorrow will be more of the same and I don’t feel weird about it because it makes no sense to.

This… is what I am. What I’ve been for so very long. Bisexual. And on a day when we give thanks for a lot of things in our lives, this is the one thing that I’ve always been thankful for and about.


Posted by on 24 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 23 November 22

The conversation on the forum about SFM – sexually frustrated men – is heating up and with a lot of guys who are willing to hand out blowjobs like a free lunch are wondering (1) where all these poor souls are and (2) how to get their dicks into their hungry mouths.

I do not ever advocate cheating so let’s get this out of the way. Having said that, what I know is that guys will do whatever they have to do, but I was also thinking about the one post where a member was asking what the best way was to write a profile or ad and… my sense of humor showed up and got me to thinking this:

“Sexually frustrated? Not getting any? The well has run dry? Want your dick sucked? I’m the guy you need to see!” and followed by contact information and stuff. Now, I’m being funny about such an… invitation but I wonder how many SFMs would jump all over the offer to get sucked off? And I wonder if this would work for those women who need a lot of head but homey ain’t providing it in quantity?

Probably. Who really knows? While single guys abound, a lot of guys are on the hunt for married men and probably because married guys are… stable, not into playing games, can be decisive, and not so willing to “fool around” with other guys all that much even though, well, there’s a problem, right? Right. Married. And some of the guys looking for married guys are, themselves, married.

It continues to beg the question of what is a guy to do when his wife sets aside sex or winds up having to? Morality and social norms say… it sucks to be him. While some guys are “content” to watch porn or use their imagination to jerk off, there’s really only so much of it you can do before it doesn’t provide that great sense of relief and now, you’re just doing it to be doing it and what you need is… human contact. Now, there are those “body models” out there these days with the, ah, appropriate orifices that guys can use to, um, handle that business but not only are they rather expensive, yeah, how do you explain to her what’s in the box when it arrives and, um, I can’t even imagine how one can hide one of those things and methinks a guy would have to figure that out – and be ready to provide a detailed explanation when she finds it.

Maybe she’ll be understanding and maybe not. If a guy’s lady is weird about him jerking off, she might get even weirder if he were to order one of these things and is making good use of it. There are “pocket pussies” of various designs and the Fleshlight seems to be a favorite toy for guys to use but, again, the need for human contact can make taking matters into your own hands repetitive and not really taking the edge off all that much and if at all.

In this corner, you have some guys who are more than willing to provide that human contact and in the other corner, you have the guys who really do need it and… the twain is difficult to meet, making this situation not so much of a no-brainer and first, of course, a guy who finds himself being an SFM has to justify to himself why having a guy suck him off is the best way to proceed while becoming yet another Secret Squirrel if he can justify this and now he’s trying to figure out how he can do this and, yup, how he can find one of those guys who’d give their left nut to take care of this problem for him.

If only the rules would allow for this situation. And the many men and women who are wondering why they don’t. Okay. I read a lot of science fiction and authors love to include relationship stuff and mentioning contracts that define how things can be negotiated for, allowed, whatever, like one particular series I read where an Army general volunteered for a really hazardous assignment because the marriage group he had contracted with – and one with many partners involved – decided that they’d had enough of him and voted him out. Or another book where a character had both wives and husbands waiting for them at home and, yes, open sexuality tends to be pretty much the norm and it’s always funny to read a guy approaching a woman and she cuts him off by saying, “You’re not my type” or some other way to let him know, before he gets started, that she likes girls.

Or the series I’ve been reading lately where one of the characters wants to get with this guy and… he’s gay. It is often true that science fiction turns into science fact and, indeed, we can see a greater emergence of couples giving each other permission to have sex with others as well as poly families that consist of a mix of male and female partners and there are few barriers in the way of them having sex as needed – and with whomever they want to. These things, however, and sadly, are for those who dare to be bold and toss monogamy out on its ass because “keeping only unto yourself” has some major problems that can only be resolved via a divorce or, yep, infidelity (which isn’t much of a resolution, but it is what it is).

Changing the rules is still more the exception than the rule… but what would it take for it to become the rule? If we know that, at some point in the relationship, sex is going to wind up off the table, why haven’t we done something to make sure that the main reason for being married – being together for the rest of whatever – can be done and not wind up in divorce or some other uncool shit? Our dogged adherence to monogamy has destroyed many a relationship because someone’s sexual needs aren’t – or can’t – be taken care of and, of course, going outside of the relationship is a major problem and it’s amazing that there are people who allow this problem to, bluntly, fuck things up and putting people in the position of having to cheat or throwing away a relationship that, other than this situation presenting itself, was a damned good relationship.

And we just let this happen. I can’t begin to put a number to how many dicks I’ve sucked to date but one of the things I became aware of was that I’ve sucked the dicks of more married and/or guys in a relationship than I have single guys. I’ve had a lot of married guys hitting on me than single ones and especially after I got married. I’ve heard a lot of the reasons why these married men or ones in a relationship were interested in sex with another guy, from having this smack them out of nowhere to, yeah, they’re not getting laid in their relationship. It’s not my purpose to foist the blame onto women and more so when men are just as guilty of not giving up the dick when she wants it, too. No, this is about a situation that, again, we have allowed to keep putting men into a situation where they’re damned if they do something about this and damned if they don’t and I’m not going to really exclude women who face this as well.

The point is that we are being held hostage by a system of belief that doesn’t allow for these needs to be taken care of if and when things get to that point where having sex with your partner… just ain’t gonna happen. And… now what? And why do married guys think, feel, or believe that getting some dick is better than going after another woman? A kind of weird things about this that I became aware of: When it comes to cheating in a relationship, there are those who are of a mind that if you’re a guy and you cheat with another guy, well, you didn’t do it with another woman and… that makes it “okay.” It really isn’t, of course, but I’ve heard both men and women say this and I would eventually learn that this mindset exists because it’s deemed to be highly unlikely that if “Charley” and “Ernie” are having sex with each other, neither of them are going to leave the women they’re cheating on and, oddly, that sense of loss we all fear gets… mitigated to some degree or another.

I knew guys who made it clear that their woman had better not cheat on them with some dude but if she was doing it with another woman, well, that was fucked up… but better than her sleeping with another guy and she decides that she’d rather be with the other guy. It’s always been a major problem for relationships, and it occurred to me one day that if you don’t want to cheat – and you don’t want your partner cheating, the solution is to remove the factors that would foment cheating and some of those factors could include taking monogamy by the scruff of its neck and throwing it away.

But since it’s not all that likely that a couple would come to this conclusion and see the logic of it, you have an untold number of sexually frustrated men who are “desperate” enough that if a guy offer to blow them, they’ll take homie up on that offer – and I’m not specifically excluding women in this situation but this is about being married to a woman who doesn’t want to have sex or she can’t and homey still loves her and still wants to have sex with her – and to have sex, period, and… there’s nothing he can do about it. Leaving her isn’t an option for him. He kinda/sorta doesn’t want to cheat on her with another woman but, hmm, if you do it with another guy, is it really cheating?

I mean, where’s the real harm in Charley and Ernie giving each other a blowjob or two and more so if by doing so, it takes the pressure off of their wives to have sex with them and, again, it’s not like they’re going to leave their wives and run away with each other? Yeah, I can almost hear some of y’all cranking it up to think of all the harm that can be caused and, yes, mostly to her and you’d be right about that but, to me, it has always begged the question of what two people are willing to do in order to keep their relationship intact.

A lot of sighing because I know the answer. It doesn’t help this situation when there’s a lot of people out there who have deemed bisexual men to be a clear and present danger to women. Neither of our hypothetical guys would be of a mind to risk her health and, I think, getting together to suck each other off is the safer option and if some fucking happens, well, that’s what condoms are for but the blowjob is… preferred and for the reasons I always mention:

It doesn’t take a whole lot of time to do it; it can be done almost anywhere; there’s no other preparation involved other than washing up down there; it’s definitely easier less… painful than putting dicks into asses. It’s safer than anal sex – some science stuff behind this. It’s… boys being boys despite being grown men.

Then… the double standard. If the wives of our hypothetical guys found themselves getting busy with each other, there aren’t that many people who’d blame them for it or give them a lot of shit about it. And guys know this, and it just adds to their frustration and, yeah, how come it’s okay for women to do this but not okay for guys to do it and the answer is… it’s not okay for guys to have sex with each other but women? It’s a girl thing. Mind your business, fella. It’s not like we don’t know all of this because we do and it is deemed to be better to not do a damned thing about it other than dissolving the relationship… and for a lot of people, this is not a viable option.

This is not to say that couples who find themselves in this situation are going to go for this option but, well, damn. It seems to me that we have not learned that if you, in this situation, leave a man to his own devices, there’s no telling what he’s going to do and what he might do, well, we hold true that he shouldn’t do anything at all. If the relationship is… rocky due to the absence of sex, leaving this unresolved can add more rocks to the pile and… is this trip really necessary?

There are a lot of guys on the forum who, again, are very willing to provide sex to those men who are married and sexually frustrated a hellacious blowjob and on a regular basis, too. Likewise, there are the sexually frustrated ones who are looking for a guy to blow their brains out. Not talking about being in a relationship with such a guy but, you know, if he could get together with a guy – and only one guy – well, that would work toward removing this frustration so that he can concentrate on doing the things he’s supposed to do in and for the relationship – and the relationship he would prefer not to get rid of.

Just sighing.

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Posted by on 23 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 22 November 22

Today’s date brings back memories of one of the horrific and sad days in American history. I remember being in school and there was a flurry of activity and school was let out early; I’d gotten home to find out that President Kennedy had been assassinated in Dallas. What a day that was.

Anyway, one of the things I found myself doing was asking myself questions like, “Why would someone want to subject themselves to social ridicule by not being straight?” and then sit and think about the possible answers while trying to keep them realistic. It was an interesting exercise that also served to allow me to firm up my stance on being bisexual, given the many times I’ve had people ask me why I’m bisexual and, sometimes, “Because I am/can be!” isn’t a sufficient answer because it doesn’t allow them to understand why I look straight but I’m not.

I had my own experiences to draw on as well as those I associated with and, once the WWW became a thing, I could connect with people around the world to find out why they, too, were bisexual. I’d already had a bit of a picture that showed that we can be from all walks of life but as bisexuals, we all have one thing in common:

We’re bisexual. Keep in mind that at the time I asked this particular question, bisexuality was one of those “things” that was known about but, yeah, just a bunch of confused people who couldn’t pick a side or, shit, why don’t you just admit that you’re gay? So there was some social derision toward bisexuals and mostly, in my own experiences, coming from homosexuals more than the straight folks I knew (and who knew I was bi) but there was enough of it to make the question valid and more so when a lot of the people I talked to often spoke about how such derision started at home. Yeah, at that time, families were losing their minds over having a homosexual among them and there were horror stories about being disowned, tossed out on the street to fend for themselves – and to save the family any social embarrassment – and even more stories about kids being sent away to be cured and, sadly, more stories about homosexuals being assaulted and brutally murdered.

Yet and in the face of all of this, people were discovering that being bisexual worked for them. Or hoped that it would. Some just, as I would put it, feel the pull toward the middle of things while some just took a leap of faith and gave into their curiosity or being in a moment where their heterosexuality would be “broken.” And if one decided that this was the path they needed to be on, well, why do it when it was very well known that our society does not look upon anyone who isn’t heterosexual with any favor? Why be this way when there was a good chance of getting your head handed to you?

At this time, the thing that was becoming very clear to me was that there were a lot of people who knew what a bisexual could be up to but what they didn’t was… why. There was a slew of people who, by the way, weren’t bisexual who were formulating their own misguided opinions that had no basis in fact and citing religious strictures for why no one should be anything but straight so as far as they were concerned, anyone who went both ways was not only a heathen and a sinner, they were just being disobedient to God’s laws and… they had to be dealt with and just like homosexuals were being dealt with and, yeah, even back then, a lot of people didn’t know the difference.

I knew that I was subject to social ridicule because I wasn’t straight. I was one of those freaky weirdos who, again, couldn’t admit that I was really gay. Going to school exposed me to some of the shittiest people ever born: Children. While elementary school didn’t present any problems – and no one really said much about a boy saying that he liked another boy – junior high school was a whole different environment and high school was even worse. Bullies were a fact of life but if they even got it into their thick skulls that you were a homo – and even if you were as straight as a ruler – they’d go out of their way to make your life miserable. The word that you were a homo would spread faster than the speed of light throughout the school and even if someone wasn’t going to question you about this or otherwise get in your face, you knew that they knew because of the funny looks they’d give you and, yeah, trying to get into a girl’s panties was a bitch and more so when she just might ask, “Don’t you like boys?”

Well, yeah, I did… but I liked girls more. Why like boys? Those high school experiences taught me that… I really couldn’t answer that question. I knew why I did but how do you explain this to someone who is, more than likely, predisposed to dislike anyone who isn’t straight? One of the “saving graces” was that when I was in high school, the saying of, “Try it – you might like it!” was one of the catch phrases of the day so it was easier for me to say that I tried it and found that I liked it but because I did, it didn’t change the fact that I still liked girls. Yeah… you really haven’t lived until you have a girl trying to make you stop liking boys and she’s on a mission to save you from being gay and not paying one bit of attention to me saying that I’m not gay.

I got a lot of shit from people when I was in high school because I was one of those freaky weirdos and, yup, one that a lot of my school peers didn’t understand. They knew straight and they knew gay… but they didn’t know what I was and, importantly, they didn’t know why I was the way I was. Now, not everyone who asked me about this got an explanation and if I said anything about it, it was along the lines of, “Why don’t you go mind your own damned business and stay the fuck out of mine?” But for those who were okay with me being bi, I felt that I could try to answer their questions about why I was bi and, most of the time, that I tried it and liked it just worked for them.

One of the things I and others also learned that there’s a reason why you don’t go running around and screaming to the mountaintops that you’re not straight. Because you’d have to explain yourself and get ridiculed for it; you could be bullied and beaten up for it. If your family found out, wow, man, some of the things I heard from gay kids about how their family reacted gave me chills and I felt so badly for them because they would try to tell them why they felt this way and… they weren’t trying to hear any of it. Bringing forth the fire and brimstone while heating up the tar and gathering feathers and I even heard a girl’s mom wailing and moaning about my friend’s gayness bringing great shame upon the family and how they failed as parents and it was pretty sad to bear witness to this – and what was forgotten about was I was there because she wanted to introduce me to her family… as her boyfriend but someone had dropped a dime on her to her family and I found out that the person who did this was the girlfriend she had and gave up… for me. Yeah, that didn’t make me feel any better about having to hear her mom losing her shit… but it made the question of why someone would subject themselves to this stuff even more valid.

Now, here’s the answer I eventually came up with – bear with me.

One of the tasks handed to us when we’re able to understand some stuff is that we have to find out who we are as a person, what we want to do when we get to be grown up and while pretty much being told what our parents want us to do in like and the person they want us to be. Still, we had to figure it out for ourselves and one of the things I learned about myself was that… I liked sex with boys and girls. A big no-no but there was no getting away from my thoughts and feelings once they hit my awareness and while I reasoned that I could be like my other non-straight peers and be straight, yeah, that wasn’t working for me all that much and now it’s decision time: Do I keep on being the way I am and knowing that there are and will be people who won’t like me because of this or do I stop being myself and by doing that, defying what my parents said about me having to always be myself?

I decided to be myself because being someone else…never makes sense. Why run the risk of becoming a social outcast for being this different? Because it was worth it to me. I recently saw something on Facebook that said that the definition of stupid is knowing that you shouldn’t do something – and doing it anyway. With this in mind, I might have been a lot of things… but stupid was never one of them. I knew that by “all rights,” I shouldn’t be bisexual but that didn’t change the fact that I was so, yep, I stayed the course because one of the other mandates given unto me by my parents and other elders was that once you make a decision, you stick it with it. I also learned that the way to deal with the social ridicule was to… not pay any attention to it and more so when it was becoming clearer that those who would ridicule me for not being straight had no idea what they were talking about.

I learned this in high school and that was the point in time where I stopped paying attention and giving weight to the social angst heaped upon anyone who wasn’t straight, proven or not. With racial tensions still being high at this point in time, there were a lot of people who didn’t like me because of the color of my skin and all other kinds of social bullshit like living in a certain part of the city and the fact that I lived in the projects and… I had better and more important things to worry about. I knew why I chose to put myself in the position to be a social pariah… and I was okay with it because I had to be myself and being bisexual was a part of me being me. Okay. Question answered. But how do you answer this question or something similar when it’s asked by someone who, let’s say, wants to be the way I already was? Guys mostly but some girls wanted to know if it was really worth it if they were to go both ways and while guys had a lot of shit to deal with in this, so did girls and a lot of the conversation would be about was it worth catching hell from others. It was something that they had to decide for themselves and that just wasn’t a decision I could make and I’d find myself saying stuff like, “Well, if you really want to…” and other waffly stuff but would eventually learn to say that if this is what you want to do and be, then it is what it is as long as you understand that other people might not understand why you want to be both.

Could be for the sex and could be for more than this. Guys and gals thinking that going both ways might work for them in some way or, yeah, just being horny enough to “jump over the fence for a moment” and to jump back and, hopefully, without anyone else finding out that they did this. Is it worth it? I thought so but that was me and just like I did, those I’d talk to about bisexuality had to decide for themselves if not being straight or gay was worth the potential aggravation. And really getting to understand that while I might have thought that my decision was “easy,” it’s not an easy decision to make and not so much because they’re not sure if they’d like having sex like that but very much about what others would say about them.

How did I deal with it? I didn’t. Getting in my face about it wouldn’t be a smart thing to do; if I tell you to leave it alone, well, you’ve been warned and I’m only going to tell you once. Then again, I’m a guy and I know how to fight and sometimes I had to even though, as we know, fighting solves nothing – but those who would fuck with me would learn not to. Did I know what people said about those who went both ways? Yep, I sure did because I heard a lot of it but I had to learn to, well, act like I was listening to them because if I was supposed to be myself, that meant not letting anyone try to make or convince me to be someone that I wasn’t and I wasn’t straight, but I wasn’t gay, either. I had the… attitude it took to stand in the face of social ridicule but a lot of the bisexuals, new or otherwise, that I would encounter, well, they didn’t have such an attitude, but it was understandable because, socially, we want and need people to like us so that we can interact with them and it flat out sucked to not be accepted or liked so making the decision – or taking that first step – to not pick a side and staying on it just isn’t an easy decision to make.

Why make it? Because you gotta be who you are and if this is a part of who you are, it is what it is. You kinda accept that people are going to act weird about it if they know this about you or suspect it or, yeah, heard a rumor that you go both ways. You can pretty much assume that someone is going to give you some shit about it and, yeah, it’s a relief when you think you’re gonna hear some shit and… you don’t. At one point, it became a question of whether one was going to be who they were or… some fake-assed person and it was widely accepted that being fake was some seriously fucked up shit.

People are either going to accept this about you or they aren’t. They’re either going to do their best to understand it or they aren’t. In every “argument” I’ve gotten into about my sexuality, it wasn’t really all that much about me as it was about them – how they felt, what they thought and believed as well as spouting rhetoric, misconceptions and every stereotypical thing they could think of and especially stuff about them never being what I am. If they “didn’t get it,” well, that was sad and sometimes painful, but this is… part of the deal. It’s not that you don’t care what someone else thinks because this is still important to us but, yeah, when you hear people ranting and raving about how fucked up it is for someone to want to go both ways, you either give a fuck about what they’re saying – and conform to their way of thinking – or you don’t give much of a fuck and continue on to be the person you want and need to be.

And now it becomes a matter of which thing means the most to you. Standing up and defending your right to be who you are and, again, in the face of the insanity going on about bisexuality. It sucks to hear all the bad shit that’s still hanging around; it actually bothers me to see or hear people losing their shit over bisexuality and all because they don’t or can’t understand it – and, really, they don’t have to if they don’t want to, just to make that clear – and to have been around for as long as I’ve been and knowing that all they’re doing is parroting the same ire, angst, and outright hatred that has kept being handed down from one generation to the next and… all because they believe in something that isn’t the whole truth of what it means to be human. Stubbornly insisting that in sexuality, there are no gray areas – you’re either straight or you’re gay and, well, there’s a flaw in this because the person you’re telling this to is not only bisexual, but I told you that I am… so which one of us is really right?

Is it worth it to hear someone insist that I’m wrong and they’re right? Yeah, I think it is because I’m living proof that they’re wrong and… I’m okay with them being wrong because it’s more important for me to understand why I’m bisexual first and foremost. It’s not only attitude but a commitment to being the person you want and need to be and in the face of any or all derision. I’ve felt that once you become aware of the social derision and the source of it, there’s no need to pay so much attention to it that it makes you not want to be who you want to be as far as sex and sexuality – and all that other nice stuff – is concerned.

Your choice, your decision. Because you won’t know if it’s really worth it until you try it on for size. If it works, fine but if it doesn’t, you gave it a shot. Might be worth another shot or might not. Still your choice and decision. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but not when someone is trying to tell me that I can’t be what I’ve been throughout my life. The attitude that no one gets to tell me what I’m supposed to be. There are those who’d not like me for what I am. They don’t have to. There are those who’d preach to me and that’s been tried and done before and it has changed nothing because after it’s all said and done, I’m still bisexual because it is damned worth it for me to be… me.

For others? That’s for them to decide. I’ve been honored over all this time to have been privileged to know what so many I’ve come into contact with have decided about being bisexual. Some have had it… easy and some haven’t but that they’ve stuck to their guns and convictions speaks volumes about them as a person and one who either knows who they are or are willing to face the social nonsense so that they can discover who they are.

It’s not an easy decision to make… but many have made it and have deemed it well worth it.

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Posted by on 22 November 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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