Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 03 August 23 @ 1540 Hours

I had a busy day yesterday with back-to-back doctor appointments, but I’d gotten my mind in the gutter about group sex after re-reading “Because She Asked,” a scribble about being in a poly relationship and what it takes to be successful and how people tend to fail.

My thoughts began with a memory of hanging out with guys and listening to them fantasizing about having sex with two women and how they’d wreck the pussies and all that and I’m thinking that, yeah, I’ve been in that situation before and in the younger days and if those guys thought this was a slam dunk, they were going to learn something about themselves.

It just wasn’t unusual for us horny-assed kids to have group sex because if sex was the thing to do right now, leaving others out… wasn’t fair. It wasn’t unusual for three of us guys to go to a hideout and do it and it was usually a lot of fun but if one of the Hot in the Ass girls wanted two of us to do it to her, well, shoot, some of them wanted everything to be about them which would sometimes find one guy being a spectator and waiting for his chance to get in the pussy.

One time, there was two girls, myself, and my buddy and they said that if we wanted to do it to them, that’d be nice and off we went. At one point, though, they both said that they dared us to suck each other’s dick and if we didn’t, no pussy. For me, that wasn’t a problem, but my buddy was now caught between a rock and a hard place because he didn’t suck dick… but he wanted the pussy badly and that was a lesson in doing whatever you had to do to get what you wanted.

When you’re hanging out with a bunch of guys and dicks start to get hard, there’s no telling what might happen. The many times I’d have guys over and after playing basketball for most of the day and… a group session would break out and even if some guys previously weren’t a fan of sex with guys – but I reasoned that with everyone’s testosterone levels spiking due to all the exertion of playing ball, something had to give and merely jerking off or waiting to get home and maybe get some pussy wasn’t going to cut it. Add a few six-packs of beer and now you have a party!

The first doctor is prescribing me another round of prednisone for my thumb and I’m thinking about my fellow forum members and those who are clamoring to experience sex with more than one guy and they have it in their minds that it’d be a glorious experience. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be, but I learned some stuff about how guys can get when their dick gets hard; they can go from really nice guys to fiends of the highest order and, yeah, I’ve had my mouth and ass ravaged unpleasantly being in a group of horny guys whose only consideration is getting their rocks off at my expense.

It’s like be careful what you wish for because you just might get it – and wish you hadn’t. In the early adult years and situations that I mentioned above, sometimes, I would just sit there and watch it all develop and start happening and “taking notes” about it all and, yeah, some guys, when their dick is hard, can do the Jekyll and Hyde thing in an instant and now it was a matter of none of them noticing that I wasn’t in the mix with them.

Being subjected to a man’s lust ain’t all peaches and cream and it doesn’t always “go nicely” and like you can see in “gay porn” which I’ve felt is the motivation a lot of guys have about group sex with a bunch of seriously horny dudes. And, oh, yeah, being the only guy with two horny women? What a humbling experience that can be and as I really learned in the poly years.

Porn makes it look incredibly hot and, really, it is… but, um, different takes at different times, lots of editing, retakes, so on and so forth so that what you’re watching is the hottest thing ever. I learned that one of the things that makes group sex problematic is… sex is supposed to be one-on-one and a “power struggle” can happen over who gets to do what first and all that and if the guys involved aren’t bi – or they aren’t going to mind some man-on-man stuff, well, there are horror stories and a lot of them are true and I’ve seen my share of them.

A guy says that he fantasizes about sucking off a group of men – and by “group” I mean more than two guys – as someone who has had that experience a few times, um, yeah, why would you want to and more so when it’s very likely not going to go down the way you think it is? Agreements get made before the fact – what’s doable and what isn’t, flip a coin to see who gets that mouth first and the other guys are just patiently waiting for their turn; everyone takes a turn unloading cum into the guy’s mouth and no muss, no fuss and… that’s why it’s a fantasy because the reality can be quite different and can get surly because a guy who’s been waiting for a while gets to asking what’s taking so long and, a couple of times, I’ve seen fights break out.

Keep in mind that I’m talking about doing this with guys you know; such things can happen with guys you don’t because even grown men can tend to do something I experienced in the younger days: “Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we all got our dicks sucked?” Yeah, it could be funny but not in a humorous way but that’s one of those situations where one would have to be in the right place at the right time and among men who aren’t all that inhibited and, yeah, able to blame it on the alcohol.

My thought where some guys are concerned is that if you’ve never sucked one guy’s dick, why would you want to suck multiple dicks coming out of the gate? I know that just sucking one guy’s dick can be an adventure and not totally in a good way so now multiply this by three, four, more, and… tell me again why you thought this was a good idea. Again, I’d never say that it’s a bad idea because I’ve been in those situations, and it was a hell of a good time for one and all… and in those situations when the shit hit the fan and usually because someone thinks they’re getting more than their fair share of the attention.

I was game to do a threesome with a couple of guys and then be the focal point in this and… it never got off the ground because they got into a fight over who got to get next to me first. I’m trying to defuse and mediate the situation but tempers were up, blows were thrown and, okay, let me get out of the way before I get hit and… does it make any sense for guys to act like this? I didn’t think it did but, again, reality tends to assert itself and says, “Oh, is that what you think? Guess again… and you should know better than that.”

I do know better. The best group sex I’ve ever had has been when it’s been a free-for-all more than something that tends to get scripted; who can do this, can’t do it, when it can be done and just wait your turn and if you’re in the middle of an MMM situation – and the “M” in the middle means you are the focal point – things can get interesting because it can be quite intense with just one guy… and now, double the intensity and it can be a bit much and… I know why a lot of women wouldn’t want two guys focusing their lust upon her.

My protege found out about this. He was of a mind that it would be great to be in a group session and found out that it didn’t go the way he thought it would. After his first failed experience with this, man, I was chatting with him about it for hours because he couldn’t understand why sex between three like-minded guys turned into a clusterfuck and I tried to explain to him that, first, sex is only supposed to be done one-on-one and in a threesome, one person almost always winds up spectating and it rarely occurs to the guys to… get on in there and do something and not sit on the sidelines moping and bitching about getting related to the sidelines.

“It shouldn’t have went like that,” he had said.

“What you think is always one thing but what happens is always something else,” I said. “I know you think these guys are super-cool and all that but when guys get their dicks hard, they can change and not in a good way and then the threesome you thought was going to be all that turns out to be anything but,” I replied.

He learned that some guys aren’t able to have sex in a group. He told me about a session where him and three other guys were having their way with a very game twinky kind of guy and two of the guys were getting salty over which one of them was next to fill the twinky guy’s butt with dick – and he had to step in to defuse the situation which had an effect on the whole thing and at the end of it, the only guy who had a good time was the twinky guy.

I also told him that it’s not a good idea to spring a threesome on guys who weren’t expecting it and something he did a couple of times. I allowed that if it was just him and either of those guys, things would have gone well because when it’s one-on-one, a spontaneous breakout of sex isn’t a bad idea but when you toss in another guy who (a) didn’t see this coming and (b) is more of a one-on-one kind of guy, um, what made him think that this was going to go the way he thought it would?

“I wouldn’t have done that,” I said when he told me how it went down. “If you know the guys involved, what made you think that they’d be amiable to a threesome? And then, why did you wait until you got back to your place to spring this on them? I’ll bet you won’t do that again, will you?”

In contrast, he’d gotten invited to a group session by a guy he’d been one-on-one with and, at first, he was leery about accepting the invite and I strongly suggested that he accept it because (a) he’s going to learn something and (b) at the least, he’s going to get his nuts busted open. He went and, whew, there were quite a few attendees! But at the end of it all? It went well because everyone was willing to interact with everyone else and without any drama appearing.

The key to his success was being with a group of men who had zero problems with having sex in a group… and not all guys are like this. He had asked me if I’d go if invited and I said, “Sure, unless there was a reason why I couldn’t or shouldn’t – but I’m used to having sex in a group setting so that wouldn’t bother me and, yeah, I’d go with the understanding that anything can happen.”

“What if they wanted to fuck you?” he asked.

“Then I’d get fucked,” I said. “I know I could state that I don’t want to be, but I’d go there with the understanding that I could change my mind and, yeah, when in Rome… be Roman.”

He didn’t get boned but he got a lesson on how to have a successful group sex session.

It sounds like a good idea and sometimes, it really is. I’ve been in group sessions – both planned and unplanned – and have had one hell of a good time and, again, I have my own personal horror stories, too.

I’m at my second appointment – with the cardiologist – and my attention is divided between listening to what I’m being told and still thinking about group sex at a somewhat high level of thought. They can be erotic and sensual and oh, so, intimate and satisfying if it’s happening between people who don’t have a problem… having sex in a “public” setting, i.e., someone’s watching you get laid and all that good stuff.

Like, my protege and I were talking about the guy I wrote about a few days again and he asked me if I’d suck the guy’s dick with people watching me and I said, “Sure – why wouldn’t I? It’s not like I’ve never had people watching me have sex with someone.”

And me knowing that, nope, he wouldn’t. Oh, he’d suck the guy’s dick – after he got him behind closed doors because, in his mind, sex is still only to be done one-on-one and in private. And if this is where your mind is about having sex, well, sure – a group sex thing might be nice, but it does only “on paper,” right? Doesn’t mean you’re gonna do it because it’s not how you believe sex is supposed to happen – and there’s nothing wrong with that because that’s how most people think.

They’ll tell you how “wild and freaky” they are but mention sex in a group and… not so freaky now, huh? A husband and wife hit me up for a threesome and what they had to say “passed muster” with me but experience had taught me that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong and, yep, it did because the wife was having a field day with the “BBC” she wanted to experience. I’m trying to get him involved but I’m having a hard time because he made the mistake of thinking that this was going to go the way he thought it would. I eventually got him involved but this was a clusterfuck on the verge of happening.

He told me at the break that he was quite pissed to see his wife having fun with me – and very different from how she had fun with him, and I understood that because I’d seen this one before.

“You just have to get in there,” I’d said to him. “I got you to eat her and you were fine after that because you weren’t sitting on the side being pissed off over her behavior.”

I wound up taking charge of a situation that he was supposed to be leading. I had asked him, “Who as this really for – you or her?” and the question confused him until I got him to understand that he had proposed this to her and she agreed to it and, yeah, lost his cool because it wasn’t going the way he thought it was supposed to. The “good” part? I talked him into letting me blow him since his lady, well, let’s say that giving him some head wasn’t on her mind. He was reluctant but he said, “Fuck, why not?”

Which got her even more excited and now she’s engaging with him and, whew, disaster averted. He was happy, she was stupid happy and I… had fun. Someone had asked me what’s the best way to have a threesome and I offered, “It’s better when it’s not scripted, i.e., you’ve already decided what’s going to happen and how it’s going to happen before anything really happens because you can never know how the sex is going to affect someone either positively or negatively.”

And you really do have to have your head in a certain place to be able to (a) have group sex and (b) have fun at it. In the younger days, we did it like this because it was fun and usually didn’t have a lot of drama involved; in older times, I’ve seen drama and even violence happen because it’s sex in a way that we don’t know how to have; if it’s not one-on-one and without witnesses, it’s going to go very wrong.

It doesn’t always go south but, yeah, do be careful what you wish for because you can never really know what’s going to happen and especially when hard dicks are involved.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Heat of the Moment

Not sure why this popped into my head other than maybe hearing it’s going to be 100 degrees or more somewhere in Arizona on The Weather Channel. I’m thinking I heard the weather guy say the word, “heat,” and the Certified Dirty Old Man part of me made this connection because, well, um, that’s what he does.

As such, I got to thinking about a few things about this and the first was that a lot of people believe that heat of the moment stuff should never happen; when having sex, the participants should always remain in control of themselves and stick to the script and even when things go off-script and group sex of some kind is on the menu.

Sheesh… I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a group sex situation and the other guy – or guys – start talking about no funny stuff happening; sometimes, in the process of deciding that the three or more of us getting naked and doing it until we all pass out, the “keep your hands to yourself” card is tossed onto the table and the people throwing it out there would sometimes insist that, again, doing something in the heat of the moment should never happen… and better not happen.

Yet, it does and I know quite a few people who have had their latent bisexuality triggered into activity due to a heat of the moment moment. I also know quite a few people who have lost their ever-loving mind when a heat of the moment action landed on them… and sometimes even more bent out of shape when they were the one doing a heat of the moment thing.

The loss of control due to being in the heat of the moment tends to scare the shit out of people and I was discovering that for a lot of people, being worried about having a heat of the moment moment was very inhibiting and some admitted that they didn’t enjoy the sex as much as they wanted to because they had this in the front of their minds and paying more attention to this not happening than they were paying attention to the sex they were having.

Quite a few guys and gals have said some version of, “And the next thing I know, he was sucking my dick/she was eating my pussy – and I freaked out!” Or, “I started to freak out… but I just went with it and was gonna say something about it later…” Or, a lot of times, I’ve heard people caught up in the heat of the moment say after the fact, “I don’t know why I did that” or “I don’t know why I didn’t stop them because I ain’t like that!”

I’m guessing ya didn’t stop it because… it felt good? Had something pop into your head, seeing the other guy’s hard dick bobbing around while he’s doing something else, that whispers in your ear, “Go ahead… suck it!” Or maybe being the odd person out and not really a part of the action and that… something suggests that you should just get in there somewhere and do something.

I’d seen it enough – and had it happen to me enough – to make me wonder if people really didn’t understand the power of sex and, in the heat of the moment, how it can make someone go off-script, not really because it’s something they’ve always wanted to do but, yeah – it sounded like a good idea at the moment. I’d be lying my ass off if I were to say that I’ve never had a heat of the moment moment… or two… or ten… but I also learned to make my HOTM intentions known and often like, “I’m sorry but I gotta do this…” and sometimes take my lumps later… or whoever was on the receiving end of my moment wasn’t of a mind to give me any lumps.

Having sex with someone is… an agreement laced with expectations and one of the things that gets kinda/sorta discussed is what one likes and dislikes, what they’re gonna do and ain’t ever gonna do. The boundaries get set and they are inviolate… or so we think. True enough, a whole lot of people “stay within the lines…” but some people have told me that while they stayed in their lane, that wasn’t what was going on inside their head.

Like the one guy I was talking to about threesomes who said that one time, him and his boy were getting with this babe who was down for it and the “no funny stuff” rule was in effect but, as he said, “I wanted to suck his dick so bad it wasn’t funny… and I’ll be damned if I know why!”

Another guy was telling me that in a foursome with his lady and another couple, he almost had a heart attack when, all of a sudden, his lady snatched his head from between the other woman’s legs and took his place and, as he said, “Started eating her pussy like her life depended on it!” The other woman was shocked… for a moment and he said that himself and the other guy wound up sitting on the sidelines watching their ladies doing something that they both said they would never do or allow.

“It happens,” I said in both situations. “You do everything you can to not allow it to happen but sex is pretty damned powerful and powerful enough to unlock some shit within you that you either didn’t know was there or you would have preferred to not have unlocked…”

“But that shit ain’t supposed to happen!” Again, I’ve heard this so many times I think I lost count of the number of times somewhere back in the 1980s. I’ve had guys ask me, “So, what if y’all are getting busy, the shit is going good… and homeboy just leans over and starts sucking your dick? What do you do?”

And I’ve said, “Enjoy it – it’s a better situation than getting offended, starting a fight or argument and ruining the mood of things.” To the question of why would I allow it, my answer is, “Because it’s still sex – just some sex you didn’t expect. I don’t know about you but I like having my dick sucked…”

Or, on occasion, the question would be what would be my reaction if my lady started eating pussy “all of a sudden…” and the questioner would get a puzzled and confused look on their face when I’d say something like, “Take notes and enjoy the show…”

Having a heat of the moment moment can be… embarrassing because it’s a clear indication that we’re not as much in control of ourselves as we’d like to be or are supposed to be. They are so unexpected that, sure – shit just goes sideways and the whole thing crashes to a halt – then the shit really hits the fan and all that. I’ve seen it happen way too many times and it’s not like I don’t understand it because I do… but what puzzled me was why a lot of other people didn’t seem to understand it. Yep – it’s very bad form to do something to someone who doesn’t want whatever that something was to happen to them… but to just assume that it wouldn’t ever happen – and in the heat of the moment? Hmm. Even in normal, regular sex, I learned not to be all that surprised when a partner does something in the heat of the moment or goes off-script in some way.

I learned to really expect the unexpected and even with someone you’ve had sex with a lot because you just never know what’s going on inside of them when they’re caught in the throes of sex. Still, restraint is the order of the day, isn’t it? You really don’t want to offend the person or persons you’re having sex with so you tend to not let yourself go so much, don’t let yourself get too into whatever’s happening because, again, it’s pretty embarrassing… and no one wants to wind up getting punched in the mouth, cussed out, or all of the above.

Again, prior to group sex activity, I’ve sat and listened to the admonishments to not let any heat of the moment stuff happen… or else. And I’ve found it totally hilarious to have seen some of those folks who have made this a very clear thing go off the reservation in their own heat of the moment moment… and now they got some explaining to do… and few are able to explain it other than to say something like, “I didn’t think they’d really mind…” or, infamously, “I don’t know what the fuck made me do that!”

Sex made you do that. Being in the moment made you do that. You had yourself on lock down and playing by the rules of engagement… and the lock down got rescinded: I can’t explain it any better than that. If you know what to look for, you can sometimes tell when someone is fighting a heat of the moment moment and sometimes that can happen when something is happening to them that they want… but whatever that may be is about to unlock some stuff inside of them they don’t want unlocked – so they cut whatever it is short, tell the other person to stop, or just escape the moment.

It’s some pretty scary shit to be right on the edge of losing control of yourself during sex… and even scarier if it actually happens. Like the one guy who suddenly started blowing me during a group sex thing who said, “I couldn’t stop sucking your dick… and I didn’t want to! But…!” Boy… he was a mess for a few and I had a side conversation with him to, one, let him know that I wasn’t offended or otherwise pissed off and, two, yeah – sometimes, it just happens and there’s no explanation for it other than “it felt like a good idea at the time.”

I saw that same guy like two weeks later and I wasn’t too surprised when he suggested that, hmm, well, um, it wouldn’t be that bad of a thing if he were to suck my dick again and, you know, maybe, ah, it wouldn’t be all that bad for me to suck his.

And it wasn’t bad at all…

The military has a saying: No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The reason for this is that you can plan your actions right down to the nth degree and you can postulate how the enemy is going to react – or should react and respond to your plan – and chances are they’re gonna do something there’s no way you could have planned for or, really, they just don’t do what you want them to do in order to make your plan a successful one.

Sex can be like that and I think that people do know this… and go out of their way to make sure it doesn’t go off the reservation. I know some folks who have said that they’ve never had a heat of the moment moment and have never had any thoughts along those lines. Now, whether I believe them or not is a whole different matter… but it doesn’t matter what I believe one way or the other because I know it happens and, um, if your mind is focused on not having one of those moments, the fact that you’re thinking hard about not having a moment is pretty telling and, well, this aspect gets pretty… interesting given that you’re thinking about not doing something.

Let that one soak in for a moment and perhaps you might see why I find that interesting.

These moments can be scary, embarrassing, a real-deal mood killer and, yes, potentially physically dangerous during or after the fact. Hence, I think, our “need” to always remain in total control of ourselves and either hoping the other person – or everyone else in the mix – is in total control of themselves or even doing your best to make sure they stay in control of themselves.

What if some dude just started sucking my dick… and after he invoked the “no funny stuff” rule? Honestly? It’ll be everything I can do not to start laughing – that would be rude. What if I’m throwing it down with a lady and she slips a finger in my butt and out of the clear blue sky? No biggie and more so since, um, I’ve had bigger things than fingers in there – but that’s not really the point. Shit happens and sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment and now it’s up to you to decide what, if anything, you’re gonna do or say about it. Yes, you, too, could be subject to having one of those moments and now the inner “argument” is to either go with it or force your mind to shut it down before it can happen.

I think people who are of a mind that such things should never happen are… well, shit, maybe just a tad bit naive; that or they know something about themselves that they’d rather not let anyone else bear witness to. Losing control of one’s self during sex seems to be… anathema to a lot of people and, again, that can be some very scary shit and a lot of people do have inhibitions and inhibitors that, hopefully, will keep them on lock down during sex so that only the “expected” stuff happens.

In the swinging lifestyle, oh, boy – bi guys aren’t always a welcome addition to the mix and a lot of straight swinging dudes are of a mind that a bi guy isn’t going to be able to control his urge to do something with homey’s cock… and that’s kinda silly but to them, it’s a real fear as well as a real and present danger to their sensibilities – and some think that all bi guys are like that. They don’t seem to understand or take into consideration that, say, if you tell me that there will be no funny stuff between us, I will make sure no funny stuff is coming from me… but I’m really not gonna be surprised one bit if the other guy does some funny stuff – and I’m gonna enjoy hearing him explain that because I’m gonna ask him, “Didn’t you say no funny stuff?”

And, yeah – I have sat and watch them trip all over themselves trying to explain why they broke their own “no funny stuff” rule. In these things, incidental contact is… forgivable and even expected when you’re in a pile of hot, sweaty bodies. But deliberate contact? Oh, hell no! Had a guy who grabbed my dick and “helped” me get it into his lady – and he actually apologized for it and for breaking the “no contact” rule.

And I said, “Really? Did you hear me complaining about that? Come on, man… sheesh!” I have learned to expect the unexpected because I know, even if no one else wants to admit it, that heat of the moment things do happen and can come from any direction. I know me and I know – and admit – that I have a gazillion heat of the moment things running around in my head that would best serve the moment by staying in my head and not making an appearance. Thinking and doing, after all, still aren’t the same things. In my experiences, however, if a heat of the moment event happens, um, I’m not the one who gave into it – I just went with it because there’s no point in pitching a bitch about it and trashing the mood of the moment.

When with a guy, I have – in the heat of the moment – told the guy to fuck me… even though we both agreed that this was off the table. We go on the premise that once we make up our minds what we’re gonna do and allow that we can’t change our minds… or that the moment itself is incapable of getting us to change our minds about something. In such a setting, I learned to not be surprised to hear a guy say, “Stick it in me…” and have learned to have the presence of mind to ask, “You sure about that?”

People often get surprised… or they surprise themselves because, I guess at a high level, they really aren’t all that aware of the power sex has. Like I said, I’ve seen men and women get their bisexuality activated in the heat of the moment and it can be quite disturbing for them; the thing, at this point, is to assure them that no matter what they’re thinking now – and usually after the fact – it’s okay – it happens and like shit tends to do, when you least expect it or don’t want it happening.

The question I ask them – and specifically so – “Were you having fun when you were in the moment – and try not to tell me what you think about it now; go back to that moment in your mind and tell me if you had fun during that moment.”

Most find that they did have fun in the moment. Embarrassed and surprised but grudgingly admit that it was… satisfying. Now how the other person reacts to it, well, that’s something else, isn’t it? Some just go with the flow and make the snap decision to deal with the matter afterward… and some just lose their freaking minds and the shit hits the fan… and that happens, too.

“That would never happen to me!” I’ve heard it and for many, it’s the truth of things. Maybe they’re underestimating the true power of sex or maybe they’re really that overconfident in their ability to remain in total control of themselves at all times… but I do often wonder what’s going on inside their head that they’re “going out of their way” to make it stay in their head?

Only they know… and they’re not likely to say anything about it. Sometimes, I’ve had someone tell me – after the fact, of course, “I was thinking about (add whatever they were thinking here) but decided, nah, better not do that.” And that’s fine although someone hearing what might have happened during sex can be… upset about it. I get it… but it didn’t happen, did it? More proof that thinking and doing aren’t the same things. Some folks have asked me what I’m thinking about during sex… and I’ve told them, “You really don’t want to know…” and, well, sometimes, they do want to know and I’ll tell them… and they’re glad that I didn’t do what I was thinking about and, sometimes, the next question is, “Well, why didn’t you?”

Because it’s better to be safe than sorry. The heat of the moment, folks, is a real thing whether it’s just going on inside your head or – gasp – it manages to escape the prison you’ve locked such things into. Now it’s a matter of how you and the other person – or persons – are gonna deal with it and, of course, how you’re gonna deal with it to find yourself on the receiving end of a heat of the moment moment.

My “advice” – and if you can call it that – is to never underestimate the power of sex or its effects on you… or anyone else.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Why Group Sex?

I’ve heard this question a lot: Why is it that when someone is bisexual, the first thing they think of is a threesome (or some other form of group sex)? A lot of people hear “threesome” and get pretty freaked out about it and, yep, some hear it and they’re all for it. Some of this is all about how they believe sex is supposed to be done – one-on-one and definitely no witnesses and for many, group sex is pretty scary and for some can conjure up some even more scary shit in their mind and, sure, being self-conscious about some stuff will lend itself to avoiding any kind of group sex like the plague.

But is there a reason for this group sex thing? I think there is and I don’t expect anyone to agree with what I’m about to say but for a lot of people – including bisexuals – participating in group sex is the ultimate in sexual expression. One of the things I learned early on was that when one says, “Okay… I’m bisexual!” it almost literally opens their mind about sex, going from what it’s supposed to be and expanding to include all of the possibilities… and group sex is one of them.

It’s not so much to put their bisexuality on display as it is a chance to put their changed attitude and thoughts about sex not only on display but being able to shed their previous thoughts about having sex and as proof that they’re as open about sex as they think and even feel that they are.

Now, it’s not that all bisexuals want to try this on for size; not all bisexuals will bring the subject up but a lot do think and fantasize about it. It’s kinda “forbidden” in that “sex is only between two people” way and many people say that until you’ve had some kind of group sex, you really haven’t had sex. Opinions in this differ, of course, and many people ain’t feeling this because, just like everything else in sex, there are horror stories out the wazoo about how these things go wrong and sometimes terribly wrong.

Well, that’s usually because we don’t know how to have sex with more than one person and, yes – you actually have to learn how to. For some it’s “easy” while for others, well, to say “not so much” is a gross understatement. Between what we believe about having sex, our experiences and, yup, the horror stories, being a participant in group sex is, again, pretty scary for a lot of people and even for those who’d say, “I’d try it, but…” and following the “but” is a long list of why they wouldn’t, from believing “it’s not right” to being very self-conscious thinking about their bodies… and the fact that there’s going to be other people watching them being vulnerable having sex.

Shudder. The horror of it all. What are people gonna think about me? Well, on that one, um, unless you or someone else kisses and tells, how is anyone else gonna find out? But the concern is valid since it’s said that people who have sex like this are sluts and dogs and shamefully so. I know a lot of people who will tell you straight up how much they love sex… but mention group sex to them… and watch them backpedal.

Let me get this out of the way and I’m going to also say that I’m not even trying to offend anyone so don’t take this the wrong way but a lot of women will not get into group sex because of their fear of being raped and, yes, I’ve heard women say this and it is understandable because one guy going at them is okay… but two or maybe more guys? Oh, hell, no! What are guys like in this? Well, there’s the “homo” thing and then given how territorial we are about the pussy, eh, sharing it with some other dude? Not gonna happen. Then add on any concerns they might have about their dick and performance issues and, yeah – not gonna do that.

So, in a lot of ways – and ya still might not agree – group sex is a test of one’s true desire and love of having sex… and many people find that they don’t love it as much as they say they do. We are made to be inhibited about sex and it’s not a coincidence that when some folks have their inhibitions removed – and you can surely blame it on the alcohol in most cases – finding themselves in a pile of bodies “all of a sudden” sounds like a fun thing to do and turns out to be a lot of fun… until they sober up and their inhibitions slam back into place.

Some are mortified beyond belief and some manage to grudgingly accept that when they get cronked, um, yeah – ain’t no telling what they might do. Again, some pretty scary shit and more so when they remember everything that took place and, shit, how wild and uninhibited they were and, yep, sometimes, they did some stuff that, if they weren’t all cronked up, they wouldn’t do for all the tea in China.

Personally, I’ve had people ask me, “How can you do that shit?” A couple of reasons (really a few of them). One, I grew up with it. Two, I don’t have much in the way of inhibitions to get rid of and by any means. Three, um, er, I really love sex that much so the more, the merrier and even more so when things turn into a huge no holds barred, free for all where everyone in the mix is fair game and whatever happens, happens.

And no regrets whatsoever. No embarrassment. Don’t know the meaning of the word “shame.” Well, okay, I do know the meaning of the word – I just don’t feel any shame. We’re supposed to have sex but we do get shamed to death about it and in a whole lot of ways.

“Dude, you are one freaky motherfucker!” I’ve been told and I’ve said, “Yep, I sure am…” but to me, it’s not being freaky – it’s just me enjoying having sex and with a lot of other people in attendance, both watching and participating. It’s fun and, yep, sometimes it isn’t and I’ve seen sessions go very badly and there are a slew of reasons why they do but at the top of the list, in my opinion, is that we never learn how to do this… and we don’t learn because we’re not supposed to know how to do it.

Shit, some of us are funny about having sex with just one person. Still, a lot of people are of a mind that when a bisexual brings up a group sex thing, it’s because they went from plain vanilla to a super freak in the sheets when that’s not really the case since a lot of bisexuals still wouldn’t go there for any reason. It’s just the “next” form of sexual expression; it’s “proof” that you’re really free and liberated from what everyone else thinks sex is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to be done. For many, a threesome is about sharing that liberation and sexual expression.

Even among those who participate as a matter of course, there are usually rules of engagement that sometimes turns a good idea into a not so good one; I’ve seen so many limit what can be done and who can do what and while this makes sense, it kinda doesn’t since, once more in my opinion, you’ve removed one set of inhibitions in order to enforce and employ a different set of inhibitions and, as I’ve observed too many times, discounting how shit can happen in the heat of the moment and when it’s not expected to happen. I say again that there are a lot of people who really do believe that shit ain’t ever supposed to happen… and it better not happen.

Insecurities, jealousy, envy, possessiveness, self-consciousness and even a very inflexible view of thinking where sex is concerned. There are those who would literally give you the shirt off their back… but they’d never share themselves in sex and for couples, hell, no – this is my pussy/dick and I ain’t sharing it with anybody.

The topic makes a lot of people feel some kind of way and I do tell newbie bisexuals that, depending on the person they’re with (or who they hang around with), eh, you might not want to mention it or bring it up unless you’re fairly sure you can do it without winding up being tarred and feathered. What if someone else brings it up? Okay, that takes any pressure off of you where bringing it up goes and, if nothing else, you can say that you’re all for it… or you aren’t. And you should always be aware of the fact that you don’t have to engage in any form of group sex if you don’t want to.

Some say that for bisexuals, group sex is a sort of rite of passage and further proof of their bisexuality and I don’t necessarily disagree with that. Again, I know that being bisexual – or otherwise finding yourself sexually liberated – just allows one to slip their sexual chains and opens up a lot of the possibilities that we’re not supposed to get into. I’ve said that bisexuality changes one’s views about sex – because it really does. Still, for some, some… inhibitions remain in place; sex is still only to be done one-on-one, no witnesses, no other participants. Just ain’t ever gonna go down like that. Too private. Ain’t nobody else’s business. The usual stuff and that can also include any situations that might have gone badly for some reason.

It’s too easy to assume that if the shit went bad that first time, it’s always gonna go bad and, sure, it might… and it might not and, yes, some have had a bad first experience with this but have gone on to discover that, if anything, that first time was a fluke of sorts. At the end of any day, it’s really about how much you really and truly enjoy sex and having an understanding of what your own inhibitions are and why you have them… and then being able to get rid of them so you can engage in and enjoy a form of sex that is just as old as humanity is.

It’s just not an easy thing for a lot of people to do. You not only have to want to do it – you have to learn how to do it and even then a lot of people carry with them that list of what they’re not ever gonna do when it comes to sex, whether it’s one-or-one or the infamous “drunken orgy.” Even in this, everything is negotiable.

For bisexuals, it’s a test. I’ve said that having the sex this way is a serious test for a lot of bisexuals and this group sex thing is an even bigger test. Some pass with flying colors. Many do not and because they may have changed their sexuality but not the way they look at sex specifically and generally. Some folks are aware of the power of sex and how it can unlock some shit about them that they’d rather not have unlocked and, believe me, that’s some very scary shit. Some folks aren’t aware of the power of sex and/or they believe that they can always exert control over sex’s power.

And many find out that they really can’t. Hidden things get unlocked. Vulnerabilities get exposed and even one’s skill and ability to perform can have a bright light shined on it. Group sex will test your limits; it’ll test your sensibilities; it will expose you in ways that a lot of people just do not ever want to be exposed.

And then you have the people like me. Someone says, “Let’s all get naked and have sex!” and chances are I’ll be the first one naked and raring to go. Let’s do this. Don’t worry about this shit you “normally” worry about. Let’s get naked and explore the possibilities with each other and have fun doing it. It’s not about being careless in that sense – it’s really about being able to enjoy sex in a way that tends to make a whole lot of people soil themselves… and even bisexuals.

It’s not for everyone and I’m not ever gonna bullshit you about that. You gotta have a certain… mindset about sex and you pretty much have to be fearless in this. People, if they should find out that you did this, are gonna look at you with either great disdain… or with a lot of awe. They might jump all in your ass for doing such a heinous thing… or they’re gonna be very jealous that you’re able to do something that they can’t do.

“Shit… I’d never do that shit…” is, again, something I’ve heard time and time again. “You gotta be some kind of fucked up in the head to do that shit!” and I’ve heard this one, too, but, ah, last night, me and a bunch of other people had sex – what did you do last night?

It tends to crack me up to hear people talk about how they’re all wild and all that when having sex… but they can’t or won’t have group sex… and for some, the thought of having a bisexual in the mix just fucks with their head too much. What scares some people about this? It’s usually because bisexuals aren’t limited in their ability to sexually express themselves – but it never means that they’re not in control of themselves. In a MFM threesome and one guy is straight? Oh, yeah – chances are that both guys are going to be very, very worried about anything happening between them and even incidental contact can cause some issues. Do women worry about that when the threesome is FMF or even FFM? Some do… and some don’t so much.

It’s all about what you think sex is supposed to be like and how it’s “always” supposed to be done. Bisexuals? We don’t tend to think in those terms but, again, some of us still do. Just because this form of sexual expression might get unlocked doesn’t mean that it absolutely and positively has to happen – and it usually doesn’t, for the most part. And if it does, it’s just like any other kind of sex in that it’s only going to be as good as you’re willing to make it for yourself and whoever else happens to be with you.

I’ve been in a lot of very controlled and scripted group sex; I’ve also been in a lot of “we don’t need no stinkin’ rules!” situations where everyone is fair game and if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. I’ve seen guys suck cock who’ve never done it before; I’ve seen women get seriously up close and personal with other women, too. I’ve seen people have more fun than they’ve ever experienced before… and I’ve seen people just not have a good time with this form of expression.

Bisexuals get their head handed to them because group sex just seems to be so “automatic” when, again, while some bisexuals do think about it, it doesn’t always happen because, duh, you still have to be able to convince other people that this is gonna be fun and there’s nothing to worry about.

Good luck with that one. There is some very human shit one has to be able to get past and beyond to be able to engage in any form of group sex. Some people can. Many just can’t and regardless to their sexuality.

That’s just the reality of this. A lot of people dream and fantasize about this… and that’s as far as it’s going to go. A lot of people actually throw it down like this and especially those in poly families (and how well do I know that). It just makes sense to not only have sex one-on-one but to have it as a group since, in a poly family, you’re really and truly in this thing together so having sex with each other as a group, well, it makes sense for everyone to be able to enjoy everyone else in a nice hot and sweaty pile of bodies. Even in this, people are usually only going to do that which agrees with their sensibilities… but, yeah, some other… stuff might jump off and “simply” because it should jump off.

Just really a matter of how you’re willing and able to sexually express yourself and, yeah, if you can do this without being fearful of getting your head handed to you, why the hell not? If you can get rid of your fears and inhibitions and rethink what sex is and see it for what it can be, you might be good to go.

And if you can’t, then you just can’t. No shame in this. You gotta learn how to have sex in this way and not everyone can learn it. Not everyone can manage to leave their inhibitions at the door and, again, not every bisexual is that sexually liberated. And, yeah, I have the nerve to say that if you tried it before and it wasn’t all that, well, why not try it again? I know why most people won’t and that’s because once we deem something to be bad, we will always see it as bad even when we’re astute enough to understand that the conditions that existed at that time we didn’t have a good time won’t be exactly the same or, to simplify, that was then.

This is now. Nope… not trying to convince anyone to do something they can’t or won’t do; I’m just the guy who tries to explain this group sex thing where bisexuals are concerned and that you don’t have to be bisexual to enjoy sex this way.

It helps, though, even because of the way one now thinks about sex. My bisexuality took everything I was taught about sex and threw it away and I learned some new ways to have sex and to express myself in this way. Lots of good times… and probably more than my fair share of not so good times. But that’s just how sex tends to go for all of us. One-on-one? Sure, we can do that. Do it as a group? Okay – I’m game if you are! No shame. Not much in the way of inhibitions. Pretty much fearless. Carefree but not careless. It’s “just sex” and in one of the many ways we – humans – can have and enjoy it… if we can learn to have it and enjoy it.

There are rules about having sex… and a whole lot of people – and regardless to sexuality – say, “Fuck the rules – let’s get naked and do this!” and because it’s fun… and it’s sex.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “It’s Not Gay in a Threeway”

https://playingwithopenfire.home.blog/2020/05/18/its-not-gay-in-a-threeway/

I read this blog yesterday mostly because the title got my attention. I read it and, wow, it was pretty good and it got me thinking – and remembering – about a lot of things that tend to prevent any kind of group sex from happening because, um, some of it just might turn out to be “gay.”

If a guy and two gals decide to throw it down and the two women, um, gain some biblical knowledge of each other, is it gay? Well, yeah, it is and by the standards we’ve set regarding sex and it is enough to weird people out because we’re supposed to avoid anything that even remotely resembles gayness.

What it really is… is sex. Again just one of the many ways it can be done as well as one of the many ways it’s always been done. Now, you’re invited to click on the link and read the author’s story – I’m not gonna give anything away – but it reminded me, once again, that when it comes to sex, we should think more about what than we do who.

I said it yesterday: Anyone can have some kind of sex with anyone else… provided it’s not gonna be or become a problem. In group sex settings, wow, a lot of people are just very weird about shit and restrictive about what can’t be done. And while there’s some sense in that, some of the restrictions are put in place to prevent shit from happening, oh, like some same-sex intimacy happening and it happened because of the seriously dreaded heat of the moment thing some people believe should never, ever happen. And since people tend to think this way, they’re often shocked when it does happen and usually unpleasantly so… but often?

Quite pleasurably so but, yep, still a bit of a surprise.

I remember my first “heat of the moment” experience as an impromptu foursome took place and while the women were working over a friend’s dick – and I kinda sat watching it – he turned his head, grabbed my cock, and started sucking on it and, yeah, surprising the shit out of me since I knew – or thought I knew – that he wasn’t into this.

Later, when we talked about that moment, well, he was shocked to remember that he did it but said, “I just got carried away!” and I thought that, yeah, that pretty much described exactly what happened and, really, that wasn’t that bad of a thing. Except.

A lot of people do not like being out of control when they’re having sex because it’s pretty scary and opens the door to being vulnerable and exposed even more than sex “normally” tends to do… and that’s just one-on-one sex. Get a group of people together and sex is happening? It gets kinda curious in that in order to be in this situation, you have to have a certain mindset about sex and to be able to shake off the strange feelings associated with know that not only are you having sex with a group of people, they’re watching you and you’re watching them and that alone, at times, is enough to freak people out.

People try to “script” these things and, it seems to me, it’s always about who can do what to whom and what can’t be done and, sometimes, even stating that there will be no heat of the moment shit happening and I’ve actually watched people be right on the edge of having a heat of the moment moment and snatch themselves back from it and I’ve seen the look on their face when they realized that, oh, shit – I’m about to do something that goes against the rules of engagement put in place!

And I’ve seen people get to that heat of moment moment and dive all into it no matter what the rules were. Sometimes there were the expected objections to “that gay shit” happening… and sometimes no objections were raised although whoever was involved in the moment would later use the heat of the moment to excuse their behavior for doing some “gay shit” that, if you were to strip away the label, it’s just sex and sex with out the inhibitions that have been instilled in everyone.

A gal getting her tits sucked by another gal, well, is it gay? Some would say it is since the only person allowed to suck on some boobs are guys and just overlooks the fact that anyone can play with boobs. That same gal goes from having her tits played with and nipples sucked to having her coochie licked and fingered by the same girl who was having big fun with the boobs – is that gay? Technically? Yep. But what it really is is just sex.

Does it really matter? It only matters if it matters to you but, as I wrote yesterday, we really put a lot of shit into sex when thinking about who more than we do what and because our focus is on who, we believe that if the who changes – instead of a woman jerking on our cock, there’s a guy doing it – well, not only is it different but it’s totally gay… when, if ya get right down to it, it really isn’t.

It’s just sex… but we have a problem looking at it like that, don’t we? Guys love having their dicks sucked… except if it’s a guy who wants to do that. We don’t think about the obvious fact that anyone can suck a dick; but we do lose our fucking minds when the person blowing us has a dick, too. Women, well, for the most part, they love being eaten and having lots of attention paid to their pussies… but let another woman provide that attention and it might be a problem because despite it being deemed to be okay for women to do this to each other, women can be just as weird and funny about it as men tend to be.

Because we think who. We don’t think what so much. We think who doing a thing just fucks shit up and it does… inside one’s head. I learned a long time ago something that a lot of people don’t believe: Your body doesn’t give a flying fuck who is giving it pleasure… but your mind does because damned near everyone believes that pleasure is only to be given and received in the boy/girl mode of things.

Well, until one discovers that it ain’t the only way. Remember what I said yesterdays? The hardest part isn’t doing it or having it done – it’s getting your head around it. It’s admitting that the person who went down on you did make you feel good even though it was a person prohibited from making you feel good and if you didn’t, it wasn’t because of what they did.

It was because of who they were. A guy doing it or a gal doing it. A lot of threesomes (and other such combinations) never happen for a couple of reasons. One, we’re just prudes about having sex with more than two people involved (and sometimes one-on-one as well) and some “gay shit” might happen and that is even more bothersome and to the point, again and again, we don’t think about what.

The good thing? A lot of people find out that who doesn’t matter as much as we believe it should. Yep, it’s pretty weird the first time and even more so when you didn’t expect it and even in that exact moment, one has a choice: Stop it from taking place… or go with it. Many will stop it because that shit is gay and it’s gonna reflect badly on them… and many will go with it because something in their head says to them, “It might be gay… but it feels good.”

Which, of course, is one of the reason to have sex in the first place.

I read the referenced blog and was happy to see that who was doing what, in the end, didn’t matter to the author… but the what did matter and because that’s the only thing that should matter. Even bisexuals tend to get tunnel vision about who and, yes, as I mentioned yesterday, who you have sex with does have a lot of importance but the reality is that who doesn’t matter as much as what does but, yeah, people are just ironically funny about sex and who matters more than anything else.

It’s not even about who does it better; it should be about the fact that someone wants to give you this pleasure in the first place and it’s a lesson that a lot of people never really learn given what their focus is on. Someone asked me if I felt weird having a guy sucking my dick and I said, “No. Should I feel weird about it?”

They thought I should and I just shrugged and said, “I’m having my dick sucked and I do love having my dick sucked… so why should it matter who’s doing it as long as they want to do it because, ah, they didn’t have to?”

And people believe that it does matter and that it’s just too gay for one’s sensibilities… and not giving a single thought to the fact that no matter who’s doing it, it’s still sex.

Always has been sex. Forever will be about sex. We’re just hopelessly funny about it but the good part is that more and more people these days are learning something I learned decades ago. Who doesn’t really matter. What does matter. Anyone, if they could, can suck cock and/or eat pussy but we continue to hold onto to very narrow and restrictive thought that those things can only be done one way.

The author of the blog learned that, nope, not the only way one can be made to feel good when having sex. And, nope, it’s really not gay in a threeway.

Still just sex.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It Asking Too Much?

A guy on the “new forum” asked this question and with reference to his desire to be the “monkey in the middle” as two guys have their way with him, one in his butt, the other in his mouth. The membership was pretty positive with their comments and quite a few wrote that they’d be eager to experience this themselves.

Is it asking too much? Well, no, not really – whatever floats your boat and all that and the fantasy of such a thing can be pretty exciting to think about; it doesn’t surprise me at all that a lot of guys want to have this MMM experience because, if nothing else, it’s a… test of concept (and because I can’t think of anything else to call it) that provide additional “proof” that they like dick as much as they’ve found that they do. It’s also quite the challenge and not just because you’ve got two horny dudes working together to do a number on you.

It’s challenging because most people don’t have a clue about having sex with more than one person. One of the things that is assumed – and I really don’t know why – is that three guys getting together to have sex with each other not only makes sense but it’s not as difficult as, say, getting a woman to join two guys in bed… when it’s not as easy as it’s presumed to be because, as I’ve said a lot, guys are funnier about this than women are.

Some MMM threesomes do happen spontaneously; to one and all involved, sure, sounds like it’ll be fun – let’s do it! But it’s something that has to be planned and with particular focus on the participants and their unique personalities, those things they find attractive about men and, importantly, their willingness to share something in a group setting that, as a matter of course, is more of a one-on-one activity

You’d think that “Pete,” “Frank,” and “Earl,” because they all like dick, they’d be on the same page about this and be more than eager to do it… and you’d be mistaken because for a MMM threesome to jump off, there’s more to it than all three guys liking dick. There are a lot of questions to be answered before “Pete” invites the other two guys:

1. Are they even interested in doing it like this? Some guys dream about this act between three guys but doesn’t mean they really wanna do it like that.
2. Does everyone know each other and, if so, do they even like each other enough to get naked in this group setting?
3. Does anyone have any modesty or other issues that might be a problem pulling this off? As an example, if “Earl” is feeling some kind of way about the size of his cock, it’s one thing to let one guy get at him… but two? This situation gets “worse” in the case where “Earl” is very familiar with “Pete…” but doesn’t know “Frank” all that well.
4. What’s everyone’s idea of being sexually attracted? It’s not unusual for guys to know and like each other enough to hang out… but when it comes to doing the nasty, eh, not really each other’s type so much even though all three guys like cock and ass.

I’ve found that if these things aren’t taken into consideration when thinking, “Ya know, I think it’d be fun if all of us got nasty with each other!” uh, things usually don’t go very well. Sure, you get some guys sauced enough, their inhibitions take a hike, and they’re all gung-ho for whatever happens but, conversely, the removal of their inhibitions might reveal that they’re a lot more nervous in the service than their un-sauced behavior tends to indicate; they’d be just fine in a one-on-one setting but a group thing lights up all kinds of caution lights.

If there’s some reluctance, sure, it’s possible to get all persons involved engaged in something but with a cloud of reticence hanging over things that, frankly, ain’t gonna be a good thing. I’ve heard guys talk about their unsuccessful attempts at this and they’ve wondered just what the fuck went wrong… and what went wrong is that they overlooked the fact that guys are funny about how they have sex and more so if they’ve never been in this situation before. It’s one thing to be talking to a guy and this comes up and he says, in theory, that he thinks this would be hot and all that… and obviously something very different when he finds himself in that moment of truth.

It’s deeply ingrained in us to only have sex with one person at a time and it’s not easy to set this aside even though ya might think it would be fun; shit, some guys are funny about getting undressed in front of just one guy so you might be able to imagine how getting undressed before two guys might make them feel. Some guys are even funny about the dicks they like to play with so if a guy is a fan of cut cocks and now he’s with two other guys – and one of them is uncut – oops; that might be a problem.

Ditto for cock size. A lot of guys subscribe to the “bigger is better” school of thought and guys who have issues with the size of their dick might not be of a mind to let more than one person know that they don’t measure up and “as expected.” And, yeah, some guys have self-esteem issues about the condition of their body and it can be a stretch to initially get naked with one guy but really pushes their comfort level when there are two guys eyeballing them from head to toe… and they might not like what they see.

I’d say that it’s not asking to much to want what you want… but you might be asking a lot of other guys you might want to engage with. There are, in fact, a lot of guys who think they can do this; they also find out that thinking and doing sure as fuck ain’t the same things.

Cityman asked me one time (actually more than once but I digress on this one) if being in a threesome would bother me and I had to laugh since, um, I’ve participated in more group sex than most people I know so this is old hat as far as I’m concerned. We got into a lot of situational and conditional things that involved preferences and one’s thoughts about what’s sexually attractive and what isn’t and I allowed that, sure, one must consider these things before agreeing to join the party but a lot of it has to do with how one thinks about having sex and I said to him, when we talked about preferences, that if there’s a preference to really be taken into consideration, it’s the preference to have sex that stands out the most.

If you let what you like and don’t like into the mix, um, ah, ya might find that being able to jump in there and have a fun good time might be hard to do. Which is why planning these things and hashing out the details is, to me, a necessary and important thing to do because there’s nothing that will kill a sexy moment faster than someone doing something that someone else doesn’t like – and no one knew that they didn’t like whatever happened.

Just having a liking when it comes to playing with a dick isn’t enough; there are just too many other things that play into this and while a MMM tryst can jump off spontaneously, it usually works out better for one and all when you can get everyone to buy into it, allay any fears or concerns, and other things that will make having one guy plowing your south forty while another reams out your tonsils a very satisfying thing to do.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Three the Hard Way?

I was reading something DDJennifer wrote about threesomes which dovetailed nicely with a topic on the bi guy forum about threesomes and Jennifer mentioned the 80/20 rule that kinda/sorta says that if a guy finds out that his woman is interested in other women, 80 percent of the time, he’s gonna ask if she wants a threesome and for the other 20 percent, eh, they might not ask – and they probably know better than to ask – but they’ll have the thought of a threesome bouncing around inside their heads.

In the bisexual world, yeah, let a woman confess that she also likes women and some guys are just that clueless to blurt out the dreaded threesome word; I’ve seen on Twitter too many times stuff written by bisexual women who emphatically state that just because they like girls, doesn’t mean they wanna jump into a threesome… and if you really know a little something about women, you’d understand why they wouldn’t.

But that’s boy/girl stuff.  In the M2M world the MMM threesome is much fantasized about and I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that because one can see a lot of MMM porn, it’s one of those things that looks either like a whole lot of fun or a guy’s worse nightmare.  Why?  Because these things don’t always turn out as being easy to do or as much fun as one might think.

The guys were “going off” about MMM sex, what some have actually done and what the majority of participants have wet dreams about and as I read what the fellas had to say, I kept thinking that, hmm, some of these guys really don’t know what they wanna get themselves into.  True enough:  Having a fantasy is just “wishful thinking” and doesn’t mean that someone having this particular fantasy should or is gonna run right out and do it but, yeah, I was reading and thinking, “Be careful what you wish for…”

Why doesn’t group sex work the way some folks think it should?  It’s because we aren’t taught to behave like this – everything we do and especially where sex is concerned is to be one-on-one only and even when someone can get their head around this part – and it ain’t even easy to do that – then there’s the thing of being in the right place at the right time… and with the “wrong” people involved.

It’s just something one has to learn how to do… and most people can’t learn it.  I’d have to say that, comparatively speaking, sucking a dick until the guy cums in your mouth is easier to deal with than having two (or more) horny guys making you the object of their lust – and those of you who have been subjected to the full fury of a man’s lust knows exactly what I’m talking about.

I’d never say that a guy getting into a MMM threesome wouldn’t have fun because it is a fun thing to do… but if you base your fantasies about this on what you might see in porn, you’re gonna make a mistake that you just might seriously regret.  When it comes to threesomes of any kind, the one thing I say to people is that if you’re not grown up enough to deal with any of it, please don’t do it.

For couples, oh, lawd, if your relationship isn’t rock-solid strong, leave this alone because chances are very good that you’re gonna find out something about your partner that, perhaps, you might wish you hadn’t found out.  Some folks go into this with a laundry list of rules that contains more things that cannot be done than there are things that can be done; for some folks, this works… and for others?

Can you say clusterfuck?  Sure, you can…

If you have inhibitions, insecurities, and other such things and you’re thinking that jumping in the sack with two other guys sounds like fun, boy, are you gonna be in for a surprise.  Sometimes, the problems with any threesome comes when the participants try to plan or script how things are going to go and, I think, fully discounting the power of sex and it’s ability to take those plans and throw them out the window.  Sure, it’s about respecting everyone’s boundaries but I’ve seen this requirement join the plan in the trash can and I’ve also seen things not get trashed… but wind up not being as satisfying as everyone hoped it would be and that’s usually because the participants aren’t really on the same page about things and, again, no one ever considers the possibility that shit can change and unexpectedly so.

Never, ever, underestimate the power of sex and lust and always keep in mind that in all things that we do, Mr. Murphy is always lurking in the background just waiting to fuck shit up.  It came to mind that while there were a lot of guys sharing their MMM adventures, um, I didn’t notice anyone talking about any adventure they may have had that didn’t go according to plan and because no one did, that could lend itself to a false sense of things being okay for them if they threw it down like this and maybe not giving a lot of thought about this:  Just because it went well for someone else doesn’t mean it’s gonna go well for you or your results will most certainly vary.

Cityman and I were talking about this one day and he was sharing his idea of a MMM threesome and I told him to not kid himself into believing that it’s gonna go the way you envision it because it really is harder to do than it looks/sounds.  Again, to have that great, leg-shaking, breath-stealing outcome, everyone – and I do mean everyone – has to be on the same page… and then have the strength of will to not deviate from the script.  He mentioned a few experiences that, in his thoughts, didn’t go as well as he had hoped and I told him that it’s because he didn’t take into consideration the mindset of the guys he was doing this with, that and guys can be just as funny about sex that isn’t one-on-one than women can be.

Again, we aren’t taught or instructed on how to have sex with more than one person and while you can open a browser and find a billion or so references about group sex – both the pros and cons of it all – reading about it is one thing… but actually doing it?  I told him that any threesome always sounds good on paper… until the clothes come off.  Now you’re at the whim and mercy of everyone’s own expectations, what they want to do, and that long list of what they ain’t gonna do.

He asked me what was the best way to have one and I said that there’s no tried and true, cut and dried way to have one; it’s not just about what you want to do and what, if anything, you’re willing to do… but it’s also about those same things with the other participants and if one goes into this thinking that everything – and everyone – is fair game, um, whew, that might not be the reality of things.

Threesomes are best when planned and by this I mean everyone involved sits down and puts it all on the table so that everyone’s limitations are understood; sure, sometimes, a threesome can just happen out of the blue and with not much in the way of planning/talking about it other than, hey, wouldn’t it be fun if we did this?  The key here is that if you’re not sure that Guy A is gonna like something you wanna do to him, um, ask first.  Makes sense, right?  And you’d be surprised how many times this doesn’t happen, someone gets shocked, surprised, or offended, and the whole thing gets flushed.  Or someone doesn’t get what they wanted – and because no one knew that it was wanted – and now someone’s pissed off because they didn’t get what they wanted or in the way they wanted it.

Even if a guy is aware that pulling this off isn’t as easy as it might sound on paper, sometimes that awareness can still be very different from what really happens because unless you happen to be very familiar with the other two participants, anything else is basically a guessing game.  You know what you want to get out of this and it’s too easy to assume that the other two guys with you want what you want – and why this happens is something I can’t really explain except to say that this very thing does tend to happen; sometimes you guess correctly, sometimes you don’t.

You have to have a certain mindset to participate in group sex and, indeed, a bit of devil may care attitude helps but if one can divorce their minds from the mandated one-on-one sex thing, that’ll help a lot, too.  Having few or no inhibitions is a plus and, of course, if someone is doing something to you that you don’t like, never hesitate to say so because if you don’t, well, whoever’s doing the thing to you that you’re not liking is going to keep doing it.  If there’s something you’d like to have done to you, um, say something; the point here is that a lot of threesomes get all fucked up because when the sex starts, the communication stops, that and it’s assumed that a participant’s not gonna change his mind about something… and no one accounts for shit just happening in the heat of the moment.

Because guys tend to be in a top/bottom mode of behavior, this can make MMM threesomes… interesting, to be polite about it.  The roles are, um, clearly defined but, again, no one seems to take into consideration that, say, the bottom who’s being ravaged by two tops just might want to do some ravaging of his own and in a way most tops, by “definition” ain’t trying to hear.  Not saying that it couldn’t work because some guys can, in fact, get this to work… I just think it’s a problem coming right out of the gate because, again, guys think that they roles they’ve adopted are immune from shit happening and someone’s mind changing in the much-denied heat of the moment – you’d be surprised at how many people don’t think this is a valid thing and that nothing should ever happen in the heat of the moment.

And that’s a mistake if I’ve ever heard of one.  Indeed, in the world of swinging, this is one of the reasons why bi guys aren’t always invited to participate in a threesome with a straight guy in attendance and it’s because the straight guy is paranoid and will almost always assume that at some point, the bi guy is gonna jump on them and start sucking their dick or playing with their ass… and the reality is that in the heat of the moment, such things can happen.

And I say that if you’re not prepared to deal with whatever might happen outside of what you think should only happen, ya might not want to actively pursue your MMM fantasy.  Nope – not all guys get all totally mindless in these things and boundaries are respected… but if you assume that your boundaries will always be respected, ya might wanna give this MMM thing some more thought.

Do I sound as if I’m trying to talk guys out of experiencing a MMM threesome?  Yes… and no.  It’s my opinion that a guy should experience what it’s like to be in a dog pile with two other dudes; I’m just the guy who’ll be right up front and tell you that what you think should happen and what might happens ain’t the same thing and, again, if you’re not prepared, willing, and able to deal with whatever might happen, no – don’t do this.  If your list of things you won’t do with another guy is longer than the list of things you will do, um, don’t do this.  If you go into this thinking and believing that your boundaries will always be respected, you might want to change your thinking a bit because even with guys you know, eh, your boundaries just might get tested, stretched, and maybe even broken.

And if you’ve never been subjected to a man’s lust, I would highly recommend you get a lot of one-on-one experiences under your belt before you try to make you MMM fantasy come true because if you find that doing the nasty with one guy is intense, wait until you have two guys to deal with and more so with two guys who may or may not be on the same page with you about what’s about to happen.

When I go on the forum and read about guys who’ve never played with another man talking about this particular fantasy, it really does make me shudder and not in a good way.  Some guys do say that they have this fantasy… but they don’t think they could really do it and that’s pretty damned honest of them to be able to admit this – and the right frame of mind.

These things don’t always go tits up – I’m just the guy who’ll tell you – or remind you – that any kind of threesome can go tits up at any time and for any reason, that’s all and that your experience in this is only gonna be as good as you try to make it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Three the Hard Way

One of the topics that seems to experience bursts of activity is one about MMM encounters and the number of men wanting to have this experience doesn’t surprise me as much as I have a sense that they might not know or understand that as wonderful as this can sound, um, sometimes it isn’t.

If you think that getting two guys together for sex and be… interesting, adding another guy (or more) gets really interesting and more so when some acts of group sex are kinda scripted, even in an individual’s mind as they think about what they want to experience and, often, what they’re not gonna do.  Now, I’d never say that getting together with a couple of your best buds and spending time making each other cum isn’t a fun thing to do because it is… as long as everyone is in the same page about how the nut busting is gonna take shape.  If you’re not into anal sex but one or more of the guys with you are eager to fill your butt, eh, he’s not gonna disrespect your wishes… but it might be in your head that, in the heat of the moment, he might try to bone you and if you’re worried about this, chances are you’re not paying much attention to anything else going on.

Likewise, of sucking cock – or being sucked – isn’t you’re thing to do, ya might find yourself sitting on the sidelines and doing some mood killing spectating while dicks are being happily devoured… and you’re left sitting there stroking your ever-shrinking dick.  Or, if there’s a lot of kissing and cuddling going on and that’s not your cup of tea, well, things might not be as much fun as you hoped.

One of the things I thought about, as I read the new comments, is the notion that seems to suggest that three dedicated bottoms getting together to have a threesome isn’t going to work any more than three tops going for the same thing so in order for a MMM to be successful – at least in theory – is to include guys who are the opposite of your preferred role or, at the very best,  everyone involved is more of a versatile leaning.

You can, if you choose to, believe me when I tell you that nothing will trash a MMM threesome faster than finding yourself lying between a guy’s legs and doing what you wanted to do – sucking the life out of his dick – only to suddenly find that your back door is being invaded and, um, you’d rather not experience that or, really, anything that’s not on your list of things to do.

It’s probably just my opinion that some guys are paying attention to what they want to do and not so much attention to what could happen in the heat of the moment… and, yeah, unexpected shit can happen even though most people are of the mind that it’s not supposed to.  Ah, I could spent quite a bit of time sharing horror stories with you of how every MMM I’ve ever been a part of went straight to hell and all because someone failed to expect the unexpected.

I know what you might be thinking.  You’re thinking that if the terms of the MMM have been laid out and agreed to, then all parties are expected and required to abide by them at all times… and I’m the guy who’ll tell you that it doesn’t always happen like that and that this just a concern you have about the other participants…

Because if you’re not prepared to surprise yourself and find yourself doing something you previously said you weren’t gonna do, I can’t say whether or not you’d be pleasantly surprised or not and more so if you believe that you’re not capable of such a thing. Like, there was this impromptu MMM that happened and one of the guys said that he wanted to join in but he didn’t suck cock and wasn’t going to but he’d watch me and the third guy do it.  Okay, no big deal, homie – it’s your loss and all that.

Well, the cock sucking was getting very deep and the guy trying to suck the black off of me suddenly stopped and blurted out, “What the hell?”  I looked up and the guy who said he didn’t suck cock was sucking it like his life depended on it… but that’s not what broke the party up – that happened when this cock sucking newbie was warned that an explosion was imminent (several times) and he didn’t stop sucking and, well, you know what happened, right?

The newbie killed the whole thing because he got very pissed off, not because he got a mouthful of cum but – and get this – we “made him” do something he said he’d never do and, yeah, he even got it into his head that this was a fighting offense.  You’re probably laughing about this or maybe doubting that such a thing happened but it did and it was funny – at least to me – and while he was ranting and raving over what we “made” him do, I asked a questions:  “What, you didn’t think that such a thing was possible to happen?”

Apparently, he didn’t and that’s exactly why when someone says that doing a MMM sounds like a good idea, well, I say that you’d best be prepared for anything to happen and despite any prior agreements.  I cannot stress enough that, yes, agreements can and do be abided by and things go well… just don’t kid yourself into believing that shit doesn’t, can’t, and won’t happen.  Oh, and if you’re wondering if I mentioned this to the MMM fantasizers, um, no – I didn’t.

Because while forewarned is forearmed, sometimes you do have to find out what it will be like for yourself…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexual Group Sex

One of the misconceptions about bisexuality is that bisexuals are all about threesomes and other forms of group sex… but if you understand the current mentality a lot of people have about sex, you’d know that at best, this is wishful thinking because, as we’ve been taught, sex is better when it’s one-on-one… and it is… but it’s an untruth, to be polite about it.

Bisexual porn doesn’t get it right… but the genre isn’t about accuracy – it’s all about sensationalism – so if you look at this crap and think that this is what happens when two men and a woman climbs into bed, guess again.  For one, most women would freak the hell out just thinking about being in bed with two men and some men are too territorial to allow another dick to join the party.  Even with the women who would go for this, if she isn’t getting all of the attention, well, that’s a problem and, as I’ve seen a few times, if she’s giving the guys head and thinks she’s doing one hell of a job – and then the fellas get to blowing each other – she can get quite miffed to, essentially, get shown up because the guys are sucking dick better than she ever could.

The list is long and not so distinguished and it’s about one of the fastest ways I know to expose one’s insecurities when it comes to sex – and that’s never pretty.  In my life to date, I’ve been in so many threesomes and moresomes than I care to admit to; I’ve seen them exceed expectations and crash and burn in the most hideous ways and these spectacular failures is one of the reasons why I’d tell someone who was thinking about this that if they think they know some shit about sex, um, no – you really don’t.

Still, I happen to be one of those bisexual men who have experienced group sex and the kind where everyone was fair game; in my mind, well, that’s the only way to do it!  Throw all the rules and inhibition away and let’s see what kind of magic we can make.  Even more, it doesn’t mean that all bisexuals would even want to engage in such activities because they might be able to step outside the heterosexual box… but they still have their thoughts and beliefs on what constitutes the best way to have sex – and that’s usually without any extra participants.  Now… I ain’t gonna say that a group sex scenario won’t pop up in their heads because I can tell you without any doubt that if you really want to experience the best of both sexual worlds, group sex is the way to do it… and it can be intense and give one a better understanding of what sensuality is, among other things.

But thinking and doing are not the same things, are they?  Bisexual women have been known to freak out because their male partner, upon learning of her duality, throws that threesome thing out there and, even as a joke, women just do not think this is funny.  When you put the shoe on the other foot – girlfriend says, “So, you like dick just like I do?  Let’s have a threesome!” and for a moment, the bi guy will think this is a good idea… until it hits him that the other guy is gonna be all up in his pussy and, oh, hell, no!  So while a lot of bisexuals have what it takes to be bisexual, it’s not a given that they have what it takes to have sex in a group setting — this is an entirely different mindset, trust me.

You find out pretty damned quick that if you can’t run with the big dogs, you’d better keep your ass on the porch.  Bisexuality challenges your view of things sexual… but not like group sex does.  There is, however, an erotic, aesthetic sensuality that can be seen and experienced, not simply because of some “wide open” sex but because you can see and experience humans at sex and how it’s not as disparate as we’re made to think.  Reproduction notwithstanding, it is about that which stimulates both men and women into orgasm and, perhaps it’s just me, but you haven’t lived until you’ve shared a dick with a woman, being aware of what she’s doing, aware of what you’re doing, and then being aware of the effect it’s having on the guy who owns the dick.  Shit, you ain’t lived until you share eating a pussy with a woman – and for the exact same reasons.

But if your head ain’t in the right place, well, you know.  Bisexuality and group sex can take having sex to a new level and one that, I think, inherently scares the shit out of most people and if they are scared, well, yeah – I happen to know that they have good reason to be scared because the power of sex can either make a person seize up as if they got dipped in liquid nitrogen… or unlock things about them they never knew about themselves (or didn’t want exposed in any way).  It can make you vulnerable; it can remove your inhibitions and to the point where you might have started out being a rational, intelligent person… but this form of bisexual eroticism can reduce you to a bundle of orgasm-tortured nerves and there’s no telling the impact on one’s sensibilities when the storm is over.

Like I said, I’ve seen it at its best and at its very worst; it is both very damned sexual and sensual… and as scary as anything you could imagine when “Sexamania” is running wild on everyone involved.  If you’re bisexual and you can do it, it  can be the ultimate sexual experience and the only thing that makes a threesome better is adding more people to the mix.  But if you think that bisexuals just get into this as a matter of course, well, guess again.  If what I’ve written here so far about this makes you feel some kind of way (and I don’t mean in a good way), then you should know that a lot of bisexuals will feel the same as you do about it:  Sounds like a good idea but you’d never get into anything that looks like this, uh-uh, nope, no way, you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.

And that’s just group sex with a mix of men and women involved.  Now, you’d think that if you got a bunch of horny dudes together, well, this should work nicely… and it can… but I’ve seen this one go horribly wrong, not just because men are territorial but because – again – group sex requires a different mindset and some guys – and, yes, even bi guys – don’t want an audience when they throw down.  I’ve experienced the good and the bad; nothing can kill the mood faster than one guy jumping up and punching on of the other guys in the face for some reason or an argument getting started because someone’s feeling left out or, worse, being “targeted,” i.e., the other guys team up to bring the noise on just one guy; women aren’t the only ones with fears of being raped (or anything that looks like it), you know.

That shit they show in gay porn?  Not even close to the real truth when it comes to this because, sometimes, having all that testosterone saturating the air ain’t exactly a good thing and you just do not want to know how things can spiral into the drain when you’re the only guy in bed with several women and even if they’re bisexual as you are.  By comparison, being bisexual is easy; being bisexual and being able to engage in group sex?  Good luck with that – let me know how it worked for you.  I’m not saying that it can’t work because I know for a fact that it can and, yep, sometimes, it goes badly.  What I am saying or pointing out that the attempt to link bisexuality with group sex is, in reality, not a realistic thing to do and if you understood how most people are about sex, well, you’d know why it doesn’t make sense to think of bisexuality in these terms.

I know a lot of bisexuals who are more afraid of a threesome (or other group sex settings) than they are about getting outed at the next family reunion.  Like I said, they can get their head around getting some dick or pussy… but to be in a position/situation to get both at the same sitting?  Not a common behavior for most bisexuals… or anyone else for that matter.  I was poking Rougedmount about a blog she posted – https://rougedmount.wordpress.com/2015/07/06/erotic-erection/ – and I encourage you to go read what Rouged wrote (damn, she’s good!), see what I said to her, and see what she said about my comment… and you’ll get an understanding of what I’m talking about here.  This shit sounds good on paper but practically applying it is beyond most people – it’s just the way they are and there’s no fault or blame in this.  There are a lot of sexually adventurous people out there (and many here on WordPress)… but bring up a group setting and with a bisexual in the mix?  Without offense, you will now see something very different about them and that can include bisexuals… because people are just funny about sex that isn’t boy/girl and one-on-one and can be just as funny when it’s boy/boy or girl/girl.

One on one, ya mon, it’s all good… until doing something other than that is on the table.  Bisexuals and group sex?  Not the “given” people seem to think it is and, yep, I’m the bisexual guy who’d tell you that it isn’t.  Bluntly, most people, including bisexuals, don’t have what it takes to engage in group sex and, no, that’s not a black mark against them so let’s not go there, okay?  I’ve been in group situations and have seen that the moment anyone goes to the bi side, all holy hell breaks out so, hell no, even folks who are into group sex aren’t as enlightened as they think they are in the majority of times – and more so if it happens to them.

This whole dynamic is so damned fascinating but where bisexuals are concerned, grossly and incorrectly taken out of context… and if you really knew anything about people and sex, you’d know why it isn’t what people seem to think it always is with bisexuals.  And, no – you don’t have to believe me; all you have to do is imagine yourself in a group situation with some bisexuals present (and even if you’re bisexual) and then take note of your initial reaction to such a scenario… and if you feel a little freaked out thinking about this, well, you know that saying all bisexuals love threesomes and have to have them is pure unadulterated bullshit – because a bisexual can have that same freaked out reaction.

You’ll learn something important and the least of it is that thinking and doing are not the same thing.  Even if this scenario didn’t freak you out to think about it, your next mission, if you choose to accept it, is to figure out the probability of you actually doing it (if you haven’t already, of course) and if that makes you feel some kind of way, then you’ve learned something important about bisexuals in general along with everything else that can be learned (and a lot of it is about you, by the way, and not bisexuals so much).

And, yes, I’ll keep saying it but this is one of those situations that, even if you are bisexual, should be totally and completely left alone if you can’t make the proper adjustments to your sexual mindset – just walk away and don’t look back.  Ha, there are people who think I’m insane because I can walk into a group sex setting, strip down butt-naked in front of a bunch of strangers, and go for the gusto and not give it one thought.  And, really, it’s not because I’m bisexual – I love sex, period, and being bisexual facilitates that love of sex in some gratifying ways… and even if I don’t do one “bisexual” thing.  But, yep, I’ll go in there ready, willing, and able to eat (and fuck) pussy and if there’s a cock willing to be sucked (or if a dude wants to blow me), it’s on like the proverbial motherfucker; you just have no idea what it’s like to have a hot pussy sitting on your face and some guy trying to eat your cock off your body!  But I’m one of the exceptions and not even close to being the rule when it comes to this.

I’ll leave you with something else to think about this.  See, not only does this upset a lot of sensibilities for some folks, there are folks – bisexual or otherwise – who won’t dive into this part of the pool because they can’t sexually multitask…

 

What Started Me Blogging

I had to go back and edit “Group Sex Thoughts” because I missed some boo-boos and it got me thinking about why I started blogging in the first place.  Linda and I belong to a couple of swinging websites and this one site had a forum that I found interesting enough to interact with many of the people there expressing their opinions about the lifestyle and it didn’t take me long to (a) become a popular contributor and (b) piss a lot of people off because I challenged everything they knew about  sex.  Then, one of the friends I met on this site, my girl Cinnamon, was sharing her blog with the site members and, damn, I thought that was so cool to be able to do this so I asked her about it and I wound up here on WordPress five years ago and I was off and running… um, typing.

Some of the really early stuff I was ranting, raving, and pontificating on was the hypocrisy of the swinging lifestyle and how there’s always this group of “elite” motherfuckers who feel that other swingers have to bow down to their often incorrect view of group sex and, well, even in the forums, I’d go off on them and while I made some friends by daring to slap those elite motherfuckers in the face, I also made a lot of enemies because I had the nerve not only to call them on the carpet for their very narrow mindset but to put their hypocrisy on blast for all to see.

These elitist bastards and the drones they have following behind them and French kissing their asses have managed to take the words “open-minded” and “like-minded” and put such a spin on them that they don’t mean what you think they mean and the short version of their hypocritical mindset is, “If you don’t wanna do it the way we say it should be done, you’re the punk-assed bitch and not us.”  You wanna see discrimination in action?  Go to a swinging site and, if they have open forums, just sit and read what’s being said.

One of the things that really irked me was that they’d harp on the rules of swinging… and then act as if the rules never applied to them; if you were of the “wrong” ethnicity and the “wrong” sexual orientation, my God, the way they behaved about this was deplorable.  One of the other things I’d often rip them about is the “rule” about liars and the only things worst than a liar in the lifestyle were a single guy and any bisexual guy; yet, it was okay for some of these elitist assholes to blatantly lie about their sexuality or, really, tell another couple any lie they could think of so that sex would happen.  It was okay for them to behave so badly but wrong for anyone else to do the same thing… and doubly wrong if you had the nerve to call them on it.

Like yours truly.  Cinnamon would just shred them about their elitist behavior and wouldn’t back down from anyone – and I so admired her for  that and, yeah, she was right, too.  At some point, between me and Cinnamon tearing those elitist bastards a new asshole, she got banned from the site and I got warned and threatened with being banned… and for telling the truth and exposing a behavior in group sex we found just heinous, pompous, discriminating in every way imaginable and, of course, hypocritical.

A lot of swinging newbies would join the site and be treated so badly because, sure, one of the rules of swinging is that if you get rejected – and you will – don’t take it personally and I ‘d be like, “Say what?  How could you not take it personally?” but, of course, if you rejected them or weren’t willing to give up what you wanted out of an encounter in favor of what they wanted – oh, yeah, and if you didn’t give it up to them without any additional conversation, well, you were just plain wrong and you’d be told to get off the site and get out of the lifestyle altogether.  It was okay for them to discriminate or to treat people any way they wanted to… but if you did it to  them, oh, lawdy, they’d get on the forums and put you on blast in a heartbeat.

The thing that would fuck with me was those elite motherfuckers who touted their sexuality discrimination, i.e., if you were a bi guy, the only thing lower than you were was a single guy.  They’d spread their biphobic and homophobic mindset like a plague and the fucked up things about it were (a) they didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about and (b) some of those hypocrite were secretly bisexual themselves and, you just gotta know that I would tear into them with much glee and when they tried to come back and get all nasty about how they’re right and I’m not, what they never realized was that I was exposing their negative mindset for all to see.  It just made me nuts to see people riffing about bi guys and how fucking horrible we are and how we shouldn’t be in their straight lifestyle – but they’d also categorically deny that they were discriminating against anyone; in their minds, their preferences for anything were more important than anyone else’s preferences.  I could never figure out how someone who would never be bisexual could tell me, of all people, about being bisexual and more so since I was bisexual before a lot of  them were born.

They’d use their prejudices like a weapon and just beat down anyone who wanted to be in the lifestyle for the diversity of the sex as well as the diversity of the people.  If you weren’t physically fit and perfect, you were just shit on the bottom of their shoe – but they’d also swear that they weren’t looking for “Ken and Barbie” in the same sentence.  There’s discrimination against sexuality, race, age, body type and condition – and the elitist assholes would stand by their right to be prejudiced against any who wasn’t like them… like they were all perfect… and some of them I wouldn’t fuck with my worst enemy’s dick.

These folks could take the joy of sex/group sex and just fuck it all up – and never in a good way.  You kinda know that some people just behave badly when it comes to sex but if you wanted to get an idea of how badly they can behave, try getting into the lifestyle (or any aspect of it) and see what happens.  You’d get to see just how shitty men can act when it comes to getting some other guy’s wife; they will lie like rugs, disrespect her man, and do the one thing I know women just can’t stand:  Treat her like a mere piece of ass.  There are other horror stories and, sadly, they’re all true like those guys who’d show up at a group sex gathering and assume that every woman there is his for the taking and without anyone’s permission and if you reject them, well, all holy hell would break out and, sometimes, violence would ensue.

Women, well, a lot of them were really victims more than willing participants, having been conscripted into the lifestyle pretty much against their will by their man who has a very bad case of pussy-on-the-brain.  I’ve seen these guys use their women as bait and throw them into situations they’re ill-prepared to deal with – and then leave them to fend for themselves.  I’ve seen women just take to the lifestyle like a fish to water, only to get their asses handed to them because they’re having more fun than their men are; likewise, I’ve seen women just wind up being traumatized just being there, let alone because some uncaring, lust-crazed motherfuckers – men and women – tried to get them to do something they just weren’t up to the task of doing.

Bisexual women are still highly prized and what I call the “Mandingo Syndrome” is in effect; it’s either that BBC (big black cock) nonsense or the lust for Black women can be so prevalent that some motherfuckers will actually insist that a Black man (and his big dick) stay away – but it’s okay if he leaves his Black woman for them to ravish as they please.

Now as I said yesterday, group sex – threesomes, foursomes, moresomes – can be one hell of a good experience… but you gotta be prepared to deal with a mindset that, I think, only serves to devalue people more than it encourages them to broaden their sexual horizons.  I think about Ann’s experience and what she wrote about being left unprotected when she needed it… and it pissed me off that this happened to her… but it’s also what I’d call typical behavior by many in this situation.  If you show up at one of these… parties and think that you’re walking into a free-for-all kind of thing, guess again; if you think that you’re gonna show up and everyone’s just gonna automatically respect your boundaries, I’d ask you to rethink this one.  And, really, if you think that people can be damned funny about sex and how they approach it, you just have no idea how funny they can be until you get into a group sex situation with some motherfuckers.  If you think that those in attendance is going to care about your feelings and/or they’re supposed to, um, I’m here to tell you that you’re gonna probably wind up terribly disillusioned because there are a bunch of elitist sons of bitches who have, somehow and for some reason I don’t pretend to understand, taken the thrill and joy of uninhibited group sex and have turned it into one’s worst fucking nightmares.

People have asked me about group sex stuff and I’ll tell them what I think is damned good about it… but I’ll also tell them what’s very bad about it and, no, I don’t sugar-coat it or try to be PC about it because when it comes to sex, some people just behave very badly because they feel they have the right to behave badly and to disrespect anyone who doesn’t conform to their way of doing things in this… and this is just sad to see… but if you don’t learn anything from a group sex experience, you will find out things about sex and how people can behave that you’ve never seen before and, honestly, I’m not surprised that there are so many people who’d never have this experience and many more who do want to experience it… then see human behavior at its worst when it comes to sex.

Can you get into one of these situations and have every fantasy you ever had come true?  Yep, you betcha!  Can you have your comfort zones expanded?  Uh-huh, ya sure can!  Can you learn some shit about yourself that you might not have been aware of before?  Oh, hell, yeah you can!  Can you have nearly unimaginable fun in a group sex situation?  Does a bear shit in the woods?  Can you have your perceptions about sex expanded or changed?  Yeah… but, trust me, you’re gonna learn all the bad shit, too; you’ll encounter those elitist motherfuckers whose views on sex and group sex can turn this mind-blowing experience into an “us versus them” war that can be so fucking ugly.

Just saying.  Not everyone who’s happily into group sex is a narrow-minded and prejudiced elitist; you can meet and have sex with some pretty amazing people… but as Ann learned, you can also meet some pretty fucked up individuals, too.  They say it’s just sex and some of them make it a point to dehumanize having sex like the feelings of those they’d fuck don’t matter – it’s either their way or no way.  They say none of it is personal… and I’ve consistently failed to understand how fucking someone isn’t personal; even when I’ve had them explain this to me, I admit that it just doesn’t make sense because sex, even casual sex, is personal… but  the elitists will tell you in no uncertain terms that it isn’t, that they have no responsibility to give a shit about you as a person – you’re just a means to their end and nothing more.

And I’m the guy who’ll warn you to avoid these elitist assholes if at all possible; they give group sex a very bad name and reputation,  if ya ask me (and you didn’t).  Ann said to me, in her comment to yesterday’s blog, that she wished that I had written it before she had her experience and, damn, I feel as if I need to apologize to her and as if I somehow let her down but, Ann, in the future, if you have a question, you can ask me or you can even ask Larry (yeah, Larry, I just volunteered you, dude).  I think these motherfuckers bother me so much because even in a group sex situation, I just give a fuck about people and, as the elitists have told me, I care too much and that I shouldn’t care about anything other than getting the sex I want and by any means necessary.

But because I do care, yeah, I will expose the hypocritical elites who believe that they own group sex and that they can make it in their image and speak out against the many prejudices and acts of discrimination they employ against anyone who isn’t like them.

 

Group Sex Thoughts

This is probably the one thing that’ll take someone who’s secure with sex and turn them into a prude quick, fast, and in a hurry.  It’s something that can make folks with privacy/modesty issues want to soil their underwear to be naked in front of a bunch of people, let alone engage in sex while an audience is watching and cheering them on to orgasm.  It’s the one thing that, for people who’d swear to how much they love sex, make them change their mind about that statement when, ah, performance issues show up to tell the truth.

It is some really scary shit and, sometimes, even for experienced folks in this because as much as people try to make group sex a controlled situation, you just never know what’ll happen because, well, pussy makes motherfuckers crazy (for men) and women can totally freak out to see more than one hard dick waiting to get a piece of her.   There are a bunch of perceptions about this, like, if you’re there, then you’re there for sex and in whatever form it shows up in; the truth is that even people who are open-minded about this and open in their approach to sex can go out of their way to not let sex happen if it’s gonna encroach on their sensibilities.

Yes… a safe environment is called for, although not all group sex is planned – sometimes, the shit just breaks out all by itself.  You expect everyone in attendance to be on their very best behavior and I’ve always thought, “Are you kidding me?” because I’ve seen some very well-behaved people go totally ape-shit when sex is on the table.  “No means no” isn’t just for group sex – it’s all-encompassing where sex is concerned because one should never be made to do something they don’t want to do… yet, they’ve just walked into a sexual situation where anything can happen.

Inhibitions can get thrown away at the door… but some of them can come slamming into place as well.  Sensibilities can be challenged, like, if seeing some bisexual shit happening before your eyes makes you want to wet yourself, well, why are you there… and what exactly did you think was gonna be going on?  Some folks will hang on to their modesty for as long as they can and then wind up having to endure people wondering or asking why they’re still dressed when everyone is as naked as the day they were born.  If you’re someone who has body image issues – with your own body or the bodies of other people, well, what the fuck – did you really believe that everyone’s going to be in the best physical shape?  If you have age issues, again, what the fuck – do you think it’s only young people who like to fuck and indulge in all manner of sex?  I guess so since people involve themselves in these things with their preferences firmly in place and rely on attraction to drive their need to have sex… and then get miffed when there’s no one there who qualifies to have sex with them.

If you have fears, hangups, inhibitions, and other things along this line, why in the name of all that’s holy would you willingly show up in an environment that is going to take everything you believe about sex and stress the shit out of it?   Sure… it sounds like a great idea… until you get there and the reality of a group sexual situation slaps you upside the head.  I have seen for myself the folks who, before the fact, are talking tons of shit about how they can handle a group sex situation, only to watch them cower in the corner with their clothes still on because whatever they thought was gonna happen wasn’t even close to what’s really happening.  I’ve seen women who claim they love sex and are willing to take on anyone wind up being in tears because more dick than they could have imagined is being presented to them.

Group sex can turn you into a prudish, punk-assed bitch quicker than you can say your name… even if it happens to be in a setting with people you know.  Sex invokes vulnerability; it can expose one’s limitations and do such a bad number on one’s ego that it literally isn’t funny.  Like I said, in a group sex situation, one’s sensibilities can be taken to task just by watching what’s going on around them and if this doesn’t make you rethink everything you thought you knew about sex, I don’t know what will… and I’ve learned that just finding out that you didn’t know shit about sex like you thought you did will make someone head for the hills faster than “Speedy Gonzales.”

I’ve seen people throw up; I’ve seen them barely make it to a bathroom before they shit or piss involuntarily; I’ve seen “strong” people break down and cry because they just couldn’t handle what was going on; I’ve seen people literally be so stunned that they kinda leave, their minds retreating and going into self-protect mode and they’re just sitting there staring at things no one else can see.  I’ve seen men freak out just because some other guy accidentally came in contact with them; I’ve seen women freak out to open their eyes to see who’s eating their pussy or sucking on their nipples and find another woman doing it and, yep, seen men freak out when they see a guy deep-throating the shit out of them.

And all of this makes me wonder, “Just what did you think was gonna happen?”  It’s my own personal thought that if you don’t have a very high ceiling (or you have a huge list of what you ain’t gonna do) to your limits, ya might not want to walk into a group sex situation.  I learned to walk into these situations – planned or otherwise – and expect anything to happen… or to expect nothing to happen.  I’ll walk in with my safety in mind – I’m not gonna let anyone do anything to me that I don’t want done (and I have the muscle and very nasty temper to back that up if I have to) but, I know that being in this situation is going to test my resolve as much as what I know about sex and I believe that if I have any doubts about my ability to be up for whatever happens, I’m not going to be there… but, um, I love a challenge; I actually like having my sensibilities challenged and my ability to interact with so many people tasked to the maxed.

Linda likes to jerk my chain at times because I have practically zero inhibitions and definitely no modesty whatsoever… and that’s probably due in part to the many sexual situations I’ve been in to date and, yeah, probably some ego as well because who wants to be known as the person who said they could hang… and then they didn’t even get naked with everyone else?  Not me… never me but, yeah, if it’s something I ain’t down with, I will politely beg off.  I’m not without a couple of hangups, like, ya might not want to bust a nut in my face or try to shove two dicks in my ass at the same time; ya might not want to try to hold me down or otherwise restrain me because my reaction will be immediate and violent… then again, I will make it known what I won’t put up with and that list is short… but it does exist.  Otherwise, if I’m walking into a situation where anything can happen, well, let’s see what might happen.

Men have this… tendency to worsen our reputations by not approaching women with respect and asking her permission to engage with them and if you’re a guy in this situation and you don’t understand that a woman will just freak out on you if you try to take her without her permission, then you need to stay away from group sex situations.  It’s a given that we don’t handle rejection well at all and I’ve seen guys react very badly when a woman tells them no for any reason.  We’re expected to be on our very best behavior in a group sex situation… but if you believe that this is always the way we should behave, well, you don’t know shit about men and how sex affects us – you really don’t.

Women… well, we just know how funny women can be about sex, don’t we?  Still, ladies, I gotta say – and without one bit of offense – that if you don’t have your head in the right place about group sex, please, stay home – and by “the right place” I mean being fully aware that you could be subjected to shit that’s way outside your comfort zone so if you have a small comfort zone, don’t even show up – it’s for your own good, trust me.  Hell, if you’re not there because you really want to be there, it’s okay for you to tell the person begging you to go with them that you don’t want to go; one of the things that really pisses me off is seeing women in a group sex situation and looking lost and/or afraid because they really didn’t want to attend and only did so because their man insisted on it.  And, yes, I’ve seen men in this same situation and it’s just not a pretty thing to see happen to anyone.

Group sex can be emotionally and physically “dangerous” for some folks and enough that just thinking about it will scare the shit out of them and make them not want to ever experience it… yet, there are people who are very much aware of the “dangers” and will show up anyway – some people actually get a thrill out of facing their sexual (and even sexuality) fears, well, right up to the point where they just freak the fuck out and haul ass from things as fast as humanly possible so, again, it makes me ask:  “If you can’t handle it, why are you there?”  Maybe some folks are just gluttons for punishment – I really don’t know but if I’ve learned anything from being in group sex situations, I’ve learned that showing up and acting like this is gonna be like one-on-one sex is a mistake and that if I don’t have a sense of adventure, that’ll just compound the first mistake.  If I walk in there and I’m more worried about what might happen to me, I’ve already taken myself out of the game before I take my shoes off because instead of “focusing” on the sex, I’m too focused on literally protecting my ass at all times so, yeah, if this is the mindset I’m bringing in the door, maybe I should have just stayed home.  Now, check this out… because I think it’s important.

Guys, if you and your lady get into a group sex situation, you’d better not just throw her to the wolves and make her fend for herself.  You’re not only there to enjoy all the sex you can, you have a duty – and obligation – to protect and defend her honor, even in this setting, so if you go off and think, “She can handle herself…” you, sir, are a total asshole; when she shreds your ass because you weren’t watching her back or, worse, she freaks out worse than a 1960’s hippy on a bad acid trip and now you gotta try to pick up the pieces, well, you truly deserve it.  Okay, yeah, I know – keeping an eye on her is going to take your focus away from having sex with other people… and that’s just too bad – accept it and adjust things accordingly.  Yep, Linda and I can be in a group sex situation and even if I’m doing something else, I am very much aware of where she is and even peeking to see what’s going on and looking for any signs of distress… because it is my duty to do this and if I have to stop what I’m doing to come to her aid, so be it – and that’s even though I know Linda is a bad-ass all by herself and more than capable of handling situations… but it doesn’t mean that I’d be that asshole and assume she really can handle anything.  I might get a lecture about coming to her rescue when she really didn’t need rescuing… but at least I was there for her.

And if you’re not gonna always be there for the woman you showed up with, you need to have your ass kicked.

If you’re looking to expand your sexual experiences and horizons, group sex is a great way to do this and, yes, lawd, it can be more fun than you could imagine but I’m the guy who’ll tell you that there’s a special mindset you must have before you even try to do this and if you can’t adapt to this special mindset and go in there thinking you can do it on the fly, you’re making a mistake and one you’re gonna regret for the rest of your life.  I’m not bullshitting you about this because I’ve seen people make this mistake more times than I care to think of and, yes, in my early experiences with this, even I had to learn how to leave my fears at the door (so to speak) but to also be willing and able to protect myself if it becomes necessary.  If it’s your first time with any kind of group sex – a threesome or facing a whole building full of people having sex – this is some really scary shit and scarier than you may be thinking about… but if you’re someone who has issues dealing with their sexual (and, yes, even sexuality) fears, please, don’t even try this even if someone dares you to, okay, because I can almost guarantee you that you’re gonna find out that you’re not as grown up as you think yourself to be.