Author Archives: kdaddy23

About kdaddy23

Not really sure what to say; there's a lot about me that can be said but the basic thing is that I'm just a guy with a lot of things on my mind that I need to get said. I have to add that if you're not old enough to deal with adult issues or you find them offensive, you might want to stay out of my head...

Here We Go Again…

Four years ago, I underwent surgery to have an abdominal aortic aneurysm repaired (there were actually two aneurysms I was later told) and over the ensuing time, I’ve undergone yearly checkups to make sure the endograft was intact, in position, and taking care of business.  Well, at this year’s checkup, the main part of the endograft is doing just fine… but the part of the endograft that splits off my femoral arteries, well, it needs some tweaking so that it doesn’t cause the main endograft any problems.  This issue isn’t immediately life-threatening but it needs to be corrected.

So, it’s back under the knife this coming Wednesday – and on my baby’s birthday, at that, which didn’t exactly make me happy but, as it was explained to me, they can only do this in a special operating room with special equipment and this room isn’t always available so was either do it “now” or wind up waiting until some time next year, when this operating room would be available again.  And, honestly, knowing my doctor, I figured he’d want this done before Christmas anyway and Linda wasn’t trying to hear putting this off to next year… and I heard that my step-daughter was raising all kinds of hell thinking that my surgery was being deliberately delayed for some reason so she was very happy to hear this was gonna happen sooner rather than later.

I guess one good thing is this procedure will take two hours, instead of the six hours it took four years ago.  I’ll once again spend a couple of days in the hospital and if there’s anything bothering me about this, it’s having to look forward to hospital food again, that and having people messing with me every couple of hours; I’ve never understood why the staff tells you to get some rest but they never really let you rest.

If they’re not drawing blood, they’re giving medications, taking vitals – it’s always something and I think that in the two days I spent there before, I maybe got eight hours of sleep total out of those forty-eight hours.  Another annoyance is they will automatically label me as a fall risk due to the stroke I had ten years ago… even though I’ve never fallen since having the stroke – I don’t count getting tripped by Zane, our cat, who loves trying to walk on my feet when I’m walking.

That means they’ll have me in a bed that will scream bloody murder if I get out of it without a nurse disarming it – learned that from the last time; it’ll be a problem if I gotta hit the bathroom and have to wait for someone to answer the call light, well, any time after they remove the catheter.  Hopefully, they’ll provide a walker so I won’t have to suffer the indignity of peeing myself waiting on them when it’s easier to walk the twelve feet or so to the bathroom…

Not looking forward to the post-op pain when the anesthetic wears off and I suspect I’ll have another very large lump in my groin where they went in to tweak the endograft… but I was reminded during a phone call I had with them to make sure I ask for pain medications when I need them; I’m a kinda macho guy… but not that macho – bring on the Vicodin!

Tuesday morning, I’ll be talking to the anesthesiologist about what they’re gonna use, how I’ll be intubated – and size does matter, it seems; I just got finished talking to the hospital’s registration folks so that’s taken care of, and I’ve received verbal instructions on the meds I can’t take before the fact (no omega-3 at all starting now).  I can shower and use deodorant… but I can’t lotion after I shower which means, thanks to the colder weather, I’m gonna be one ashy critter!

Surgery is at 0830 and they want me at the hospital at 0630… which means we’ll be up at 0530… sheesh…


Posted by on 2 December 2016 in Life, Living and Loving



Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  There’s a Moment…

…when the two of you are getting undressed, that you realize that in a matter of moments, you’re about to engage in something and something that, in the minds of many, isn’t exactly according to Hoyle because the other person who’s undressing right along with you is, at least in form, just as male as you are.

It’s a rather reflective moment, as your eyes take in the sight of him getting naked; maybe you’re able to see his dick and maybe it’s still flaccid or innthe process of becoming erect; maybe you’re looking at the curves of his backside and other aspects of his body and wondering what his body will feel like against your own.  You know he’s also watching you, his eyes capturing and storing every detail they can and, in all likelihood, having some of the same thoughts you’re having.

You know what’s about to happen – all of that was agreed to before the two of you were in the same place at the same time – but in this quiet space, maybe you’re asking yourself why you’re about to engage in sexual congress with him and, no, it’s not always as rhetorical a question as that may seem; things aren’t as obvious as they appear to be because in the deep recesses of your thoughts, you know that the now-naked person before you is supposed to always be female… except you also know that, um, that’s not the whole truth of things and more so since this isn’t the first time you’ve been I this exact situation… and if it is your first time, well, you’re about to find out something interesting.

In that moment, I’ve actually been asked, “What are you thinking about?” – and it’s not an easy question to answer because I’m thinking about so many things and much of what’s going through my thoughts have nothing to do with what’s about to happen and that’s despite the fact that I’m trying to blanket my thoughts so that the more prevalent ones are in focus.  There’s always the anticipation, always the wondering of how everything will hash itself out and other things that will not be known until they actually happen.

Once things begin, that moment passes; now it’s not so much about thinking as it is about doing although that’s really another set of thought and depending on how many times you’ve done this, it really feels like being on autopilot more than anything resembling conscious thought.  But that initial moment is like, wow, what’s going on here?

And what you eventually realize is that the answer is, “Nothing that nature didn’t intend to happen…” and the issue isn’t as much about what you’re doing but who you’re doing it with.  All after the fact, you can find yourself pondering this, revisiting the moral implications of, say, having spent a period of time sucking in each other’s dicks until ejaculation is achieved.  You might even shake your head over it all as you think about how many would find this highly acceptable if the person who induced you to ejaculate was female but since that person wasn’t – but the exact same result was achieved – well, that’s perceived to be a problem.

Since such think can cause headaches, you set it aside and devote some thought toward the next time you find yourself in this moment, when you’re undressing before and for someone and without regard to that person’s sex.  It’s a special moment and one that, perhaps, not many actually give much thought to; after all, you’re about to get laid so what’s there to think about?

Ya might might be surprised…

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Posted by on 10 November 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Oddballs

Once upon a time, homosexuals were the oddballs of humanity, a section of people who, for inexplicable reasons, eschewed the “normal” man/woman sexual dynamics and established a dynamic that was similar to the accepted (and mandated) norm but obviously quite different.

Once upon a time, homosexuality was an accepted practice (for lack of a better word right now), once considered a rite of passage, an indicator of status, and even a form of worship to the gods at the altar of Sappho.  Indulgence wasn’t mandatory but in some early cultures, if you didn’t indulge, you might have been considered an oddball for not going with the flow and aligning with the status quo.

Over time, the practice went underground – what, you think the down-low is some new invention? – because religion decreed such behavior to be a sin and those early cultures were converted – and sometimes by force and under pain of death – to this new way of thinking.  If you engaged in homoerotic behavior, well, things wouldn’t go well for you should this predilection be discovered and the punishments were both harsh and final.  Even if things didn’t get… terminal, one could find themselves shunned, banished, ostracized, reviled, cursed, and just too different and our built-in fear of the other – that which is not like us, that which is different, created a minority demographic and one that was feared to the point where homosexuality was declared a mental illness; some of the “cures” would have made Torquemada’s dick very hard over the sheer inhumanity of those cures for homosexuality.

But homosexuals started to fight back until they were no longer the sexual oddballs of humanity; sure, they’re still outside of the accepted norm thanks to their same-sex debauchery (the nasty critters) but, really, despite how they like to live and love, their goals aren’t all that different when you get right down to it… but those damned bisexuals are a different story!

The nerve of them wanting to have it all instead of being like everyone else and choosing a side… and staying there!  What’s wrong with these oddballs?  Where did they come from?  Are they even real?  Don’t they know that they’re upsetting the natural order of things?

Once upon a time, these very same questions were asked about homosexuals.  What I often find both sad and amusing is that it was once said that homosexuals didn’t exist and that they couldn’t exist, the same thing people are saying about bisexuals… and it’s said that we are in denial about things?  Society chooses, and for reasons this author may never really understand, to repeat the exact same mistakes they made with homosexuals by denying and vilifying the existence of bisexuals when it stands to reason that if homosexuals have always existed, um, so have bisexuals.

And isn’t it interesting that a lot of the angst against bisexuals is coming from those who were, at one point, probably the most reviled people on the planet, namely those former oddball homosexuals?  Once again, the fear of the other has raised up to strike out against that which is different from the accepted norm.  Don’t misunderstand; there are still many who continue to see homosexuals as a crime against nature but, okay, ya can’t beat them, ya don’t wanna join them, but ya can finally admit that outside of who they choose to live, love, and relate with, well, again, they’re not all that different since they, too, pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Those damned bisexuals, however – the greedy bastards – want it all, the best of both worlds and some of those inconsiderate and immoral motherfuckers have the audacity to spit in the face of conventional thinking and say that things like monogamy makes no sense to them and that, gasp, humans aren’t naturally monogamous but conscripted to be this way!  Something must be done about these heathens, these blasphemer, these hedonistic non-believers in the one true way to exist!

As you may be aware, the smear campaign against bisexuals is going hot and heavy… but just like the campaign against homosexuals, eh, this campaign isn’t running on all cylinders because, damn it to hell, despite all the efforts to date to debunk bisexuality, shit, there are actually more of them than we could have known about – what the fuck is going on here?  Is there anything we can do about these oddballs and make them go away and stop rocking the boat with their greediness?

No, not really; again, that was tried with homosexuals and it didn’t work, did it?  Indeed, doesn’t trying to make bisexuals go away fit the definition of insanity that’s making the rounds these days?  It’s not as if bisexuals are the only sexual oddballs these days… or ever, for that fact… but just as homosexuals once were, bisexuals are the “new” threat to the accepted norms, threatening the sanctity of monogamy and, my God, promoting heathenly behavior like polyamory and that new thing called the bro job that men are doing!

Are we – bisexuals – really oddballs?  Are we a threat to the status quo, a greater offense to the so-called natural order of things?  Or are we really not all that different from those who say we’re different, that we have the same objectives in life that they do but without the restrictions they’ve placed on themselves?


Posted by on 17 October 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Give Da Drummer Some!

Give Da Drummer Some!

When I was in the third grade, I learned to play trumpet under the watchful eye of Mrs. Frankel; I clearly remember being in the music room with the others learning trumpet and because we were standing up, I, um, passed out because I had locked my knees instead of being relaxed.  Not an auspicious moment but kinda funny.

The church around the corner – and what’s ironic/funny is that today, it’s my cousin Aretha’s church – had a beautiful five manual organ and that instrument just fascinated me so much that the church organist, a really nice lady, started teaching me how to play it, even though I was way too short for my feet to reach the pedals and my arms too short to reach the upper three manuals.  Music just came naturally to me; learning how to read music (and, later, write it) was just too much fun.  Being a trumpeter, wow, there were so many great trumpeters, from Louis Armstrong to Al Hirt, who got my attention for playing “Flight of the Bumblebee” for the TV show, “The Green Hornet,” which also introduced America to Bruce Lee as “Kato.”  And I wanted to learn how to play it just like Al Hirt did!

My music teacher, Mr. Bowie, himself an amazing trumpeter, didn’t think I could do it – you should see the sheet music; it made my eyes hurt the first time I saw it!  But I was determined and I spent many hours in the practice room just totally messing it up and being more than envious when Mr. Bowie would take my trumpet and play the piece with stupid ease.  I finally got it, even played it for the school talent show… and then I got interested in playing the drums.

To shorten this just a bit, there were a lot of drummers who inspired me; I had gotten my hands on a kit and spent hours driving my mom nuts teaching myself how to play it, which just came easily to me and, eventually at the ripe old age of 15, I was in a band with four of my friends and playing gigs all over the place, including the world-famous Apollo Theater in New York.  In high school, I played trumpet for marching band and orchestra and drums for jazz band – but only after becoming a member of the National Association of Rudimentary Drummers; passing that test wasn’t easy, nor was learning how to execute all those rudiments.

A lot of years later, my favorite group, Spyro Gyra, changed drummers, a guy named Joel Rosenblatt… and his drumming style was mesmerizing.  When I went to my first SG concert, wow, Joel’s Tama drum kit and setup was insane for a drummer in a “jazz” band; that and how easy and smoothly he handled that kit just blew me away and inspired me to put together a new kit of my own while challenging me to duplicate his style which even today makes me nuts but, yeah, I got to the point where I could play along with Spyro Gyro’s music without having to work so hard.

At another SG concert, I got to meet Joel and the rest of Spyro Gyra, including keyboardist Tom Schuman – playing his parts on their music was equally challenging but so much fun.  They quickly learned I was a fellow musician and I was able to spend a few precious moments talking drumming with Joel and keyboards with Tom and I think both were genuinely flattered that I was all into their styles of playing.  Hell, I’ll even admit to daydreaming about sitting in with SG and playing Joel’s kit, pictured (hopefully) in my featured image.  And, yes, I can play that kit…

Joel left Spyro Gyro to pursue other interests after over a decade with the group and while they’ve tried several drummers to replace Joel, well, those guys are good… but they ain’t Joel…


Posted by on 14 October 2016 in Life, Living and Loving


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Suspension of Belief

Yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  Let’s get to today’s thought before I forget it…

“How do I have my first time?”  It’s a question many budding bisexuals ask and, usually, the question should be, “Who can I have my first time with?” – but since the question is usually one of how and ‘how’ is a doing kind of thing, the second thing one should do (with the first being deciding they want to do it) is to suspend their belief in everything they’ve been taught about sex, how to have it, and who to have it with.

It occurred to me that many first timers never get to have that first time because our social and moral conditioning can’t be bypassed.  They know, with a very high degree of certainty, that they want to take the plunge; they’ve dreamt about it, have thought about the pros and cons over and over, and the siren call to action is maddeningly overpowering and while you’d think that the primary stumbling block would be finding a kindred soul to, ah, swim with, our social and moral conditioning is quite powerful.

Some actually find that person to have that first time with and… nothing happens.  No, it’s not cowardice, not really fear in the sense we understand fear… but unless the budding bisexual can suspend their beliefs, they’ll not only get cold feet but it’ll feel as if someone poured liquid nitrogen all over their tootsies.  We are taught and made to believe that homosexual sex should never be done for any reason or circumstance which, of course, is totally contrary to what one is feeling about this and I’ll take a moment to point out that the conditioning against this sexual behavior says it shouldn’t be done, not that it can’t be done and there’s a very important distinction here.

While some can suspend their beliefs long enough to dive in, it’s not as easy as it may sound because, as even I learned, there always that voice bitching at you and reminding you that going down on that guy (or that gal) is forbidden, sinful, against all the rules, so on and so forth and it took me a very long time to learn how to put a gag on that voice so it would stop fucking with me so I could suck that dick or whatever else I was doing that the voice was telling me I shouldn’t be doing.

How does one go about suspending their belief?  Damned if I know!  Belief is such a personal thing and if there’s a one size fits all, surefire way to effect suspension, I’m not aware of it.  I suspended mine with a “simple” question:  If I’m not supposed to do it, why do I want to do it… and keep doing it?  For me, it was an intellectual exercise and a lesson in logic and the more I questioned what I believed – and I mean seriously questioning it including why I believed what I believed – the more I was able to suspend my beliefs… because what I believed didn’t match up with the reality of the situation.

Bye-bye, beliefs; see ya after I’m done…

Would this work for someone else?  I dunno but what I do know is that many who have successfully taken the plunge has managed to suspend their beliefs in order to act upon their feelings.  Remember back a few paragraphs when I said there’s an important distinction between shouldn’t be done and can’t be done?  People should never run with scissors, right?  But people do it.  People should never tempt fate but we do that every day, don’t we?  We even get hit with a bit of a contradiction:  We shouldn’t take risks… but many of us hold true to the axiom of nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We’re also told to never question what is… but part of suspending belief works like this:  Why is it okay for “Martha” to suck “Ed’s” cock… but it’s not okay for “Dave” to give head to “Ed?”  The answer is because we are told that it’s not okay and while most of accept this without question (and as we’ve been told to), all it does is beg another question:  “But, why?”  And here’s the kicker:  None of what we believe changes the fact that people have been doing it all along, does it?

It begs a controversial question:  Are folks like me just totally devoid of morality… or is what we believe not really the truth of things?  This’ll fuck with your head big time because you’re now questioning millennia of belief and social conditioning and doing so invokes a “war” between one’s emotions and their intellect, which is evidenced when someone says, “Yeah, I know people are into that shit, but…”

But what?  But that shit ain’t normal or natural?  Not the way sex is supposed to happen?  And, yet another kicker, if any of this is, in fact, true, um, why are so many people either thinking about doing it, let alone actually doing it?  Is is actually possible that several billion people are dead wrong about this… or is it more of a possibility that what we believe isn’t the whole truth?

Of course, dear readers, you’d have to make up your own minds about such things; my “job” is to shed some light on the subject and to attempt to answer the question of why people are bisexual, what goes on inside one’s head when they have to answer the question, “Do I really want to do this?” or, classically, “How can I do this?”

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Posted by on 10 October 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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It’s That Time Again

One of the first things I did today was to message my cousin, a guy who when we were growing up, everyone thought was my brother, a happy sixtieth birthday.  One of the things I used to tease him about was that for two days, we’d be the same age so he should enjoy it while it lasted because two days from now, he’s back to playing catch-up.

In two days, I’ll be sixty-one and I’m thinking, wow, I’m like an old guy now… but I remain so thankful for my life, that I’ve been so enriched by everything I’ve experienced and continue to experience.  It’s not been without some bumps in the road, like surviving a stroke and discovering an aneurysm that had it gone undetected, could have ended my life in about thirty seconds had it ruptured.

God is good; life is good… and it goes on.  I’m not going to engage in any hubris and say that I knew I’d be here because one of life’s goals is to hang in here for as long as you can and with all of your facilities intact and functioning as well as being willing and able to do… stuff.  Like, I’ll take a break from watching the stuff we DVR’d last night to wake up the Xbox One and spend some time wasting bad guys, chasing my lady around and getting a few thrills messing with her because I do love her so very much and it’s my job to make her laugh and to feel loved and desired.

I remember being asked when I retired and then became disabled what I was gonna do now that I don’t have to bust my ass earning a living and I answered, “I’m going to keep living – what else is there to do that’s more important?”  And, God willing, on 21 September 2017, I’ll be back to tell y’all what it’s like to be two days from staring 62 in the face…


Posted by on 21 September 2016 in Life, Living and Loving



Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Pressure

Here’s the situation:  You’re horny… but there’s a problem.  If you’re hooked up with a woman, girlfriend isn’t feeling a romp – the reason doesn’t matter a whole lot; if you’re single, well, you already know that the dating/casual sex scene is about as successful as finding a lake in the middle of the Gobi Desert or Death Valley.  Your little black book app is just taking up space on your device and, here of late, it’s pretty useless and a trip to scope out the local hangouts will just cost you time and money just to sit somewhere and risk getting a DUI charge as you go home empty handed because none of the available women in the joint wouldn’t tell you what time it was to save your life.

So, now what?  There’s always the great fallback:  Whip out your dick and either work it with your hand or with one of the many gadgets and devices on the market, like the Fleshlight, one of those perfect molds of a woman’s goodies you can slide your raging erection into or, as I recently saw, spend an unknown amount of money for a device created in the Orient that you can attach to a surface via a vacuum mount, insert your bone, push a button, and the damned thing starts stroking your cock for you!

Yeah, that thing actually exists (…

Spanking the monkey has always felt good but, damn, you’ve spent a lot of time lately taking matters into your own hand and perhaps so much that now it barely takes the edge off of your horniness – it’s not as exciting as watching paint dry or grass grow, even if you employ, ah, visual aids and crank up some porn on the same device where all those totally useless dating app’s reside.  Your eyes are locked onto the scrumptious sight of a woman working over a large, hard dick with her mouth or maybe you’re mesmerized by the sight of said dick spreading that pussy wide and deep or, shit, yeah, stretching her asshole out to seemingly impossible proportions.

You’d like to be the guy filling up that pussy/ass but what would really work right about now, as the lactic acid begins to build up in whatever hand and arm you’re using to jerk off with, is getting your dick sucked… and things are such that you might not give a fuck if the person sucking your cock is the ugliest woman you know of…

Or one of the many men who don’t seem to have any issues with sucking cock… but, nah, you ain’t wired like that, are you, even though you’re not even aware of the fact that as you watched that porn clip (or whatever), your eyes actually never left that cock being employed, did they?  You’ll tell yourself that you only had eyes for the gorgeous woman… but even if that were true, your eyes still saw that dick being sucked, saw it invading her body, and watched the money shot as said cock sprayed her with sperm.

It’s not like you don’t know that there are guys who like dick… and some of those guys aren’t gay; you might even recall some moments when a guy actually had the nerve to proposition you, offering a no-reciprocation blow job, but you turned it down… but the thought slips in that if that dude were around right now and offered to suck you off, well, um, wouldn’t that be better than sitting or lying wherever you happen to be and furiously pumping your dick and for an outcome that’s gonna be less satisfying?

You even remember reading about some new shit they call a bro job, a situation where two straight dudes are, at the least, giving each other blow jobs to ease the very pressure that’s threatening to tear you apart from the inside out.  When you first read this, you called bullshit; what straight dude in his right mind would want another dude sucking on his dick, let alone returning that favor?  But now, as your less than spectacular release hits, you realize that having your bro giving you some head – and, shit, maybe giving head yourself, isn’t as far-fetched as it appears to be.

And it’s not as if you don’t know that there are guys who are quite fond of having a dick in their ass…

One part of your mind repeats the litany of such things being wrong, dirty, perverted, and immoral… but there’s now a part of your mind that asks a simple question:  If there are so many men into playing with dick, just how bad can it really be?  Not that you’d be that desperate to want to find out but, yeah, there must be something to it if, again, straight macho dudes are checking it out.  And wasn’t your best bro, Brad, kinda staring at your crotch the other day as the two of you inhaled six pack after six pack in an attempt to drown your sorrows over the very severe lack of pussy?

Perhaps… but, nah, you’re gonna do the right thing and hold out for some magnificent, wonderful pussy even though it’s already been a couple of months since you last had some and, realistically, you know that ya might not see any pussy outside of that porn site you’ve bookmarked on your phone for a while.  That jerk off session really didn’t take the edge off as much as you had hoped; even though it’s only been a few minutes since you busted that nut, your cock is still semi-erect and in need of more attention… and of a kind that your hand or your device of choice just isn’t gonna be able to provide.

And, you remember, as you unconsciously adjust your junk in your pants, that you’re supposed to meet Brad at his place to suck down some brewskis while watching week one of the new football season on his new 70-inch SUHD TV.  If you’re married, eh, you’re wife isn’t gonna give you any grief abut hanging out with Brad because if you’re with him, you’re not bugging her for sex; if you’re single, well, hanging with Brad is better than sitting at home alone…

And wouldn’t it be interesting to see if Brad starts peeping your crotch again once y’all get into that second six pack?  Nah, you convince yourself that the last time, you were buzzed and just imagining things, even as you feel your cock respond to the thought that maybe, just maybe, Brad will get buzzed and bummed out enough to suggest… nah, he really wouldn’t do that, would he?  But as you head over to Brad’s place and the seat belt is kinda painfully pressing into your cock, the real question that has to be  answered is that if Brad was of a mind to blow you, would you allow it and would you, could you, do the same for him since both of your are suffering under similar pressures?

As Brad welcomes you in, you shove the “unnatural” thoughts to the side but with a placeholder to worry about it if it comes up and with a tiny bit of hope that it will present itself.  As you crack open your first cold one, you’re dimly aware of one single part of your consciousness, that part holding place, that whispers, “Hey, that would be much better than the nothing you already have…”

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Posted by on 11 September 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer


WARNING **This Blog Is For Mature Audiences OVER THE AGE OF 18**