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Author Archives: kdaddy23

About kdaddy23

Not really sure what to say; there's a lot about me that can be said but the basic thing is that I'm just a guy with a lot of things on my mind that I need to get said. I have to add that if you're not old enough to deal with adult issues or you find them offensive, you might want to stay out of my head...

Yes, I’m a Gamer!

My gaming days go all the way back to playing Pong and, today – thanks to my baby, Linda, I have an Xbox One after trading in my Xbox 360 and my PlayStation 3.  A few years ago, my daughter and son-in-law talked me into playing this crazy-assed game called “Borderlands,” a first person shooter (FPS) game and a type of game I used to suck at; I tried to play “Halo” when it first came out and got my ass handed to me because I couldn’t coordinate what I was seeing with what I was supposed to be doing… so I avoided these kind of games… until I was finally convinced that I had to get Borderlands so they could teach me how to play it.

Since I didn’t have a working Xbox 360 headset, we coordinated my training over Skype… and I got hooked big time and eventually conquered Borderlands… then it was on to Borderlands 2… then Borderlands:  The Pre Sequel.  And along the way, I learned that I just love killing things and blowing shit up – it is strangely relaxing as much as it can raise my blood pressure.  So, when I got my Xbox One – without Kinect – since it didn’t come with a game, I needed a game… and got Borderlands:  The Handsome Collection which is Borderlands 2 and The Pre Sequel in one package and includes some downloadable content (DLC) that I would have had to pay extra for.

Now, before giving up my PlayStation, I had already beaten The Pre Sequel with three of the four available characters so having to start over on the new Xbox platform wasn’t a big deal; I choose to play as Handsome Jack (thanks to the included DLC) and quickly finished the game… but along the way, I noticed two new locations I could travel to:  The Holodome and Deck 13 1/2 so I said to myself, “Before you move on to True Vault Hunter mode (same game, higher level of difficulty), let’s check out Deck 13 1/2!”

And I wish I hadn’t.  Oh, I finally beat that part of the game… but it wasn’t easy and by far one of the craziest game modes I’ve ever played.  I was spending hours with controller in hand, constantly fighting (and killing) bad guys and with weapons that were barely equal to the task; every night, when I had reached my endurance limits – read this as I was either very frustrated or frustrated with the beginnings of a major headache – I’d turn off the Xbox, shake my head, and wonder why I choose to subject myself to this madness, like playing the game itself wasn’t bad enough.  As I’d climb into bed with my last actions (and brutal destruction) still reverberating in my head, I’d tell myself that I’m not even gonna play the game tomorrow.

And found myself doing it anyway.  To play Borderlands – any version – you not only find yourself playing with weaponry that’s pretty cool but, often, not equal to the level of bad guy trying to make you respawn and start the level over again.  You need strategy and some ingenuity and a bus load of luck as you increase levels and the bad guys get harder to kill.  It’s not unusual for you to wind up facing, say, a Level 35 bad guy/boss but you’re only Level 30… and your available weapons might only be up to Level 25.  So, as I’ve found throughout my Borderlands experience, firepower alone isn’t going to help.

I started the Deck 13 1/2 debacle at a respectable Level 35 – the boss, which I had to defeat twice was Level 38, and my weapons averaged Level 32 and you can imagine that I spent a lot of time respawning because I not only had to face the boss but more bad guys than I could keep track of.  I was running out of money to keep myself stocked with ammo for the weapons it took me a while to figure out would put a dent in the big bad boss’s health meter; my weapons – and I was carrying 30 of them – were proving themselves to be barely effective and everything I tried resulted in a respawning – which was taking chunks out of my available cash as well.  The good thing was that I was still leveling up; some of the bad guys I was killing were dropping better weapons than what I was carrying; so I could sell the ones that weren’t working so I could have respawning funds and to buy ammo.

I was getting closer to defeating the boss every time but my frustration levels were off the chart because I’d get close to offing him… then either get killed in spectacular fashion or make what would be a rookie mistake and get cornered by a flocks of the other  bad guys I couldn’t pay attention to – but I had to.  After two days of getting my ass kicked, I got up to Level 37, just one level below the boss’s strength and, oh, I was doing better… but he was still wiping the board with me.  I died many deaths; once, I took a rare moment of rest and saw that I had maybe four shots left to kill this worst boss I’ve ever faced… and only got in three of the before, once again, having to respawning.

I almost screamed loudly out of sheer frustration; I gently put the controller down – I leaned a long time ago not to throw them – got up, took a piss, drank some water – ate my last doughnut – and said, “Okay, motherfucker, your ass belongs to me; I’ve had just about enough of your shit!”  Two hours later – and somehow managing to not get killed, I defeated the boss, did a lot of fist pumps, shit the Xbox down and went to bed very happy…

Oh, I have to mention that the folks who got me addicted to this game do not have this version (and Borderlands 3 was just announced for a 2017 release) and I’ve been riding their asses to get caught up so they can suffer and have their ability to play the game challenged.  I still need to get a headset adapter but I can still video conference with them on Skype…

 
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Posted by on 17 May 2016 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  “Wait… What Just Happened?”

I was sitting here on a cool, rainy day and thinking about the guys I’ve been reading about on the bisexual forum I mentioned in my last blog and found my thoughts drifting to their origins or that moment when they realized that a man’s cock and ass were something they’d be interested in.  From time to time, I’ve opined about how guys can go from being totally focused on women and pussy then, seemingly, find themselves drooling over the male form and, sometimes to them, right out on the blue.

One guy I just recently started communicating with, when I asked him how he got started on this path, told me that he was trolling the Internet looking for pussy pics when he came across a pic of a hard cock and – pow! – got this sudden hankering to put a cock in his mouth and suck it dry… despite having a good sexual relationship with his wife.  Some of the other men have shared in their forum writings that they are in sexless relationships and this imposed celibacy has been driving them over the fence.  A couple of guys shared that their wives suggested to them that if they were to suck cock with them present, that could be very hot and stimulating; one guy wrote that his wife has him sucking dildoes to get him ready to suck the real thing.

Now, this guy admitted to never thinking about doing such a thing… but is now chomping at the bit to be able to wrap his mouth around a real dick and wanted to ask guys experienced with this how to best suck the real thing… and whether or not he should.  I started to comment on his post – but didn’t because a few guys had already chimed in with what I would have said.  But, for you fine readers and followers, this is a bit of a sticky situation (no pun implied or intended) because on the one hand, you have your own beliefs about this while on the other hand, anything that’ll make your wife a very happy camper might be of some major benefit to you.

The answer is kinda obvious:  If the guy felt comfortable with this, sure, whatever makes the little woman happy is a good thing – could seriously give their sexual relationship a jolt of extra excitement and even bring them closer together because they have something else in common.  The operative word here is “if” and the bigger picture thing is that when you’re married, you are expected and required to go above and beyond the call of duty to make and keep your spouse happy and that includes having to make some sacrifices of one’s personal stances on things.

But, from what he wrote, his comfort level does seem to be quite high so that might not be an issue although he might find that it’s one thing to think about sucking cock, one thing to practice on a cock-shaped dildo… and something else when the cock waiting to be sucked is attached to a guy.

A lot of the guys who have shared their thought and feelings have said that they had no idea where this desire to have sex with a man came from; for one guy, I commented about latent bisexual tendencies, that potential to be bisexual that just sits back in the cut totally unnoticed for an undetermined amount of time before making itself known.  Sometimes that awakening can be triggered by, say, watching straight porn and getting an eyeful of the on-screen cock; one guy wrote that he was at the gym and showering after a workout, saw a guy in the shower he’d been seeing regularly there… and suddenly wanted the guy to fuck him.

The comments to this one were all over the place but no one even mentioned that when you workout like that, it can jack your libido up something fierce, you know, all those intoxicating endorphins rushing through your body and making having sex a damned good idea and can lower inhibitions and in some interesting ways.  The guy who wrote this didn’t say whether or not he got boned but he was most certainly surprised that the thought hit him like a ton of bricks and made his cock very hard.

“Why would I want to do something I’ve never even thought of before?”  That’s the billion dollar question, isn’t it, and a question that lends to a lot of confusion until the answer is found.  We are taught that sex with other men is forbidden, dirty, nasty, yada, yada, and we believe this right up to the moment when we find that the thought of being in a 69 with another guy a very exciting one.  Wait… what just happened?  My own pet “theory” is that our social programming is designed to eliminate certain evolutionary processes and traits that have been, over our existence as a species, been hard-coded into us, kinda like how you can teach a flatworm a trick, then chop up that worm and feed it to another worm, who then performs the trick that his meal had learned.

Way back before recorded history, two males, for whatever reason, got together and had sex with each other and it spread to other males, which eventually led to such acts being a part of a few cultures, most notably Greek and Roman cultures and the rest, as they say, is history and ladies, in case you think you’ve been forgotten and overlooked, the word “Sappho” is Greek in origin – look it up.  There’s a guy reading this somewhere and thinking, “That’s bullshit – I ain’t never wanted to do some nasty-assed shit like that!”  That’s because the social conditioning has stuck with you, erasing the notion that having a guy suck your balls dry is a nice thing to do, or that feeling his cock in your ass and injecting sperm into that forbidden place isn’t really all that pleasurable as it seems to be – and these things must be because, um, a lot of men have done it, are doing it right this very moment, and will be doing it in times to come.

Because for many of us, that conditioning has been broken – or now being just outright rejected and/or modified – by circumstance or even out of necessity… or just on general principle; it can be done so why not do it?  What just happened?  Nothing that hasn’t been happening for a damned long time now.  Not everyone gives in to this but many men and women are learning to never say never about this, aren’t they?

Okay, time for me to get my head handed to me and play some Borderlands… but I gotta write something about that first.

 
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Posted by on 17 May 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Landlocked

I’ve been kinda hanging out on a site forum filled with bisexual men, both actively and curiously bi and after putting my fifteen cents worth on a few important topics, I’ve had no less than three guys start picking my brain about what it means to be bisexual, married and bisexual, and how does one go about having that most desired first sexual experience with another guy.  This site even has a section for folks who are dealing with a bi guy and looking for answers.

I don’t have any idea how many members there are – I suppose I could find out if I really wanted to know – but on the one hand, it’s so good to see men gathered on this site and, if only in words, expressing their bisexuality… while on the other, I admit to being amazed at how many of these men are still waiting to have that first experience and quite a few of these men are 50+ years old and there are also a lot of 20- and 30-somethings who are craving their first taste and feel of another man’s body.

It’s like you want to go swimming in the ocean but are landlocked.  You can probably afford to head to the ocean but the expense isn’t the issue – it’s not knowing what you’re gonna find in the waters when you get there… and maybe you go to swim and remember that, um, you don’t know how to swim… but you’ve got it in your mind to jump in anyway.

Those three guys have been asking me what I’d call the usual questions that fall into the “what, when, where, why, and how” category even though they all admitted to having watched gay porn – one guy said that seeing that action kick-started his bisexual urges – but that also told me that they understood at a basic level that watching two guys getting busy on a screen isn’t the same as doing those things for real.

It’s not that they don’t know what they want to do or why they want to do it; they are, for lack of a better word, afraid to do it, which is understandable and normal.  When I write about this, I often refer to bisexuality as being the deep end of a very murky pool and these men – and so many others on this site – are all standing at the edge of that pool, wanting to dive or jump in… but cannot see what lies beneath the surface and a surface whose calmness belies the turbulence that waits beneath the surface.

I cannot blame them for being hesitant; if I wasn’t already a “master swimmer” in this end of the pool, I’d be hesitant to stick a toe in.  Their hesitancy isn’t due to concerns about their health so much as not knowing what to expect; the fear of the unknown is a prime fear in all of us and here’s the thing that I find amazing:  It’s not as if these guys don’t know what a blow job is or know nothing about fucking someone.  Again, gay porn is what I’d call a poor teaching aid but the visuals it can provide can reveal much.  So, in the one hand, if you know that men suck and fuck each other – and more than is admitted to these days, then wouldn’t it make sense that there’s nothing unknown to be leery of?

Nope… because watching two guys on a screen gobbling each other’s cocks is very different from having a cock waiting to be sucked into hardness right there in your face or you’re lying there and watching a man about to close his mouth around your cock and something that your mind is telling you should only be done by women.

Fantasy is fine… reality can be a bitch.  I’ve said to the men I’ve been in contact with that they should think first, then act if you must or if you can and that if you can’t act, don’t…. which is different from what some of the, ah, more experienced members of this forum are saying as helpful things to say.  I’ve read where some guys are asking for advice and getting responses that I wouldn’t even think of saying.  One guy was a day or so away from his first “date” with a guy and was asking if he should go ahead and have the sex him and his “date” we’re talking about.  The, er, more experienced guys told him no, that he shouldn’t do anything on a first “date” and started telling him every horror story that they ever heard – but nothing they’d actually experienced.

Not the best advice to give someone who’s been waiting a long time for this moment to finally happen.  Be careful, yes, but if you feel safe and have established a level of trust, go for it.  You can’t have a first time if you don’t have it, ya know?  Yes, there are risks to be considered and those risks exist even if you’re trying to bed a woman.  But if you told me that you’ve considered all the possibilities you can think of and have spent a lot of time getting to know the other guy and you’re certain you can go to bed with him safely, then why not?

Sigh.  There’s just so much men don’t understand about this and someone has to provide useful information and I guess I’ve volunteered again.  It’s important that men who want to explore this side of themselves to fully understand what’s going on with this, to know the pros and cons of it all because an informed decision is much better an a mistake borne out of ignorance and cluelessness or, worst, misinformation.

 
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Posted by on 15 May 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Tales from the ‘Hood

It’s 1969 and my hometown – as well as many cities across the country (and maybe even the world) – was still reeling from the assassinations of Dr. King and presidential candidate Robert Kennedy, stupid and probably politically motivated deaths that served to galvanize Americans and brought us closer together rather than divide us further even though there were still many pockets of racial violence across the land, the message of, “We are Americans and we must be one with each other…” – and while the political mess that was Viet Nam was still in play.

While this bit of social insanity was taking place, a sexual revolution happened – some say that Woodstock was the catalyst, the message of “Make love, not war!” taken to heart literally and the wildfires of unadulterated, unabashed, and unfettered sexual interaction spread rapidly, even to the ‘hood in which I lived.  It seemed that everyone wanted and needed sex and there weren’t many who didn’t get caught up in the need to pair up, strip down, and fuck like there would be no tomorrow, which actually wasn’t far from the truth given that the Cold War and the threat of mutually assured destruction (MAD) still hung over our heads.

It wasn’t even about looking for the best sex; it seemed as if everyone around me were foregoing their preferences for “the perfect lay” and were balling just to be doing it and the environment for bisexuals was like shooting fish in a barrel; there was now more cock and cunt available than ever before and the shame of homosexual sex was, at least for this point in time, set aside for a higher purpose:  Let’s get naked and let’s get to fucking.

House parties would start out with music and dancing… then devolve into pockets of debauchery, fueled by “Make love, not war!” and plenty of Acapulco Gold, Colombian Red, and all kids of booze, from Boone’s Farm “Strawberry Hill” to Ripple and MD 20-20, better known as Mad Dog.  The explosion of hedonistic sexual expression wasn’t limited to those weekend house parties; it wasn’t unusual for me to walk from one side of town to the other and see people fucking in dark alleys on the spur of the moment and not unusual for me to get propositioned several times (and stopping to get laid) before I got to wherever I was going.

While the ladies were giving up the pussy and in unheard of quantities, for the guys, well, it just wasn’t enough and women weren’t always where the men were… so lots of cocks were being sucked, asses getting creamed, and even involving a lot of men who, before the revolution hit, wouldn’t even jerk themselves off, let alone let another man have access to it that wasn’t a doctor.  Oddly, the local homosexual men kinda went underground, as if seeking shelter from all the insane sex that gripped everyone because instead of being avoided like the plague everyone saw them to be, they were now being targeted for exploitation… and a lot of gay men were getting cornered by “mobs” of very horny dudes with very hard cocks and getting gangbanged, with permission and, sadly, against their will.

There weren’t too many times when the the rumor mill in school would report that so-and-so, who was gay, was found in an alley or some abandoned building by the police and they were a bloody, sperm-coated mess after having been kidnapped, beaten, and repeatedly raped by numerous unnamed and unidentified suspects.  Even the flamboyantly gay who, at first, welcomed the revolution with open legs and mouths were trying to make it hard to be identified, not that it helped them to not be so “swishy” because they were very well known and were considers to be targets of opportunity.

Hell, even guys who were even suspected of being gay were being targeted, maybe not for being raped but as potential candidates for sex… and I don’t want to forget to mention that there was a lot of pussy being eaten that didn’t involve men, just in case you may have thought that the girls hadn’t been horribly busy and were unaffected by the contagious fallout of the revolution.  The levels of peer pressure were at an all time high and a lot of guys were getting put on blast for refusing to participate when the fellas were hanging out… and dicks started coming out… and some guys would choose to run like hell rather than to find themselves caught up in an all-male orgy that made what I’d been doing just a couple of years ago seem insignificant by comparison.

Just as when I was younger, you get two guys hanging out with nothing to do and no women in sight, and cocks would come out and get sucked; maybe asses would get fucked – but that was becoming a bit rarer because the revolution was responsible for near epidemic outbreaks of gonnorrhea – the clap – that saw the local free clinics develop lines that circled some blocks as the unfortunate/unlucky lined up to be treated.  I wasn’t one of the unfortunate but all I had to do was hear about guys suffering the symptoms and their story of how getting shot up in the ass with massive doses of penicillin to fix in my mind to be a bit more discrete and discerning about who I dropped my drawers for, male or female.

That painted a different target on gay men… but not so much bisexual men although it didn’t take a lot of intelligence to realize that f you boned a girl and you got burned, um, she didn’t wake up with the clap one morning – she got it from some dude, who got it from one of the gay dudes who were practically giving up their infected butt holes like it was a free lunch.  But few made this somewhat obvious connection and a lot of women were getting blamed for an epidemic that, in fact, they didn’t start:  They were victims and made victims by scores of very horny motherfuckers who would pounced on an infected cock or ass, became infected themselves, but were now so worried about their precious reputation so much that they refused to be seen in the growing long lines at the free clinics.  If you were seen in one of those lines, everyone just assumed you were there to get treated and treated for the clap… even if you were there for other health-related reasons, like having a bad cold, for instance.

Oh, by the way, if you wanna know why it was called the clap, check this out:  https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/why-is-gonorrhea-called-the-clap/

One hand, the sexual revolution was a good thing, on the other, not so good in certain aspects.  In the ‘hood, more and more people were becoming sexually liberated but for some, that liberation made them desperate and careless.  City health officials eventually got the clap epidemic under control, people were using better judgement – especially the constantly horny men  – and the revolution continued and a lot of babies were now being conceived…

Until HIV/AIDS arrived on the scene and sent the burgeoning sexual revolution nose diving to a sudden halt.

 
 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: For BLake

BLake, a new reader and commenter, asked me a bunch of questions – which I don’t mind, BLake, so don’t apologize for asking them – and so many that it was better I write something specifically for him to answer them.  First, how I got on this path, something I’ve written about before but you’d have to read three years worth of stuff to find it all.

When I was nine, a drunken friend of my father paid me to let him put his cock in my mouth and more to put it in my butt… and since visions of all the candy and comic books I could buy danced in my head – but despite knowing that boys didn’t do this stuff to other boys – I agreed… and got instantly hooked just as I did when, a year earlier, a girl showed me how to put my dick in her and move it in and out.

As the folks who’ve been with me for a while already know, I went batshit crazy having sex with boys and girls and having the time of my life but my curiosity was insisting that I figure out what this was all about – at the time, I didn’t even know the word “bisexual” existed but what I knew was that, hell, yeah, this was too much fun.  Then I started my quest to learn all I could about this forbidden thing I’d been doing and eventually found the definition of bisexual which, at the time, was defined as a physical, emotional, or sexual attraction to males and females.  Okay, even at the age I was when I discovered this word, it made perfectly good sense… but there were still many questions that had to be answered… and a lot more sex to be had.

Attraction.  As you probably know, that word covers a lot of things and doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone even though there’s a generally accepted meaning.  Girls attracted me big time – their looks, their bodies, the way they walked and talked, and things they thought about.  But even back then, I knew I didn’t have the same attraction to men and that my attraction was more sexual than anything else – but it didn’t mean that I didn’t like guys – I had my share of male friends – or that I didn’t know a good looking guy when I saw on – some of my male friends were damned handsome.  But dealing with girls and trying to get into their panties taught me something, that the definition of attraction I had was too general because I believed, just like every guy did, that a pretty girl was attractive and the one that should be pursued and then learned what they meant by “beauty’s only skin deep…” and my experiences with guys were bearing the same fruit but, again, I knew that I could see a good looking guy and not feel a need to get into his pants and after making a fair amount of mistakes, I saw that the generally accepted notions of attractions weren’t uniform and had to be refined to fit my perceptions.

So I stopped reading books by their covers, stopped believing the things guys would say in order to get me naked, and started looking deeper and at the other things, in particular, their mindset, something that a lot of people (at the time) didn’t pay much attention to; they’d be blinded by what they saw, left themselves open to being tricked into having sex and, before I turned 16, well, that which I found attractive took on a different meaning and I was learning that the most attractive thing was a guy who shared the same or similar sexual desires but in a way that matched up more with how I was looking at having sex with other guys.

Even then, learned some tough lesson about all of this and, importantly, about myself; while I had an aesthetic appreciation for “beauty” – like what I said about Roman Reigns – what was the real attraction for me to having sex with men?  Looks wasn’t it; I’d learned to look past the book’s cover.  Was it emotional?  Like some guys, I didn’t even think that was possible until I fell in love with a guy but in the whole, nah; I could like a guy a lot and to the point where I’d even think about hitting on him and hoping he’d hit on me… but it was the sex possible that really got me cranked up.  I saw while the definition of bisexual that I carried with me had a world of possibilities, years of introspective inspection – along with trying to figure out if I was really gay – made it clear to me that what attracted me to men was the sex, that opportunity to suck cock, swallow sperm and, at that time, fuck and be fucked; anything else was just window dressing.

“Joe” might be a handsome guy and he might even have a big dick, all nice things to look at to be sure… but what would be attractive was what was going on in his head; how did he see himself, how did he see the world in general, why did he like having sex with guys, and other such things that became more important to me than that which is superficial and I had learned the hard way about believing the bullshit and learned how to find out what I needed to know in order to get naked with him.  Most of the time I found it, many times I didn’t – nothing unusual here.

But as I talked to more bisexual guys, I’d see how they saw things,mass how frustrated they often were and even how a handsome face, smoking body, and silky smooth approach would, more often than not, made them realize that giving themselves to such a guy was a mistake they greatly regretted… and I wanted to know why.  In a lot of ways, we are not all that different from women when it comes to wanting the things we want that’ll make us happy campers, including someone having an interest in us that’s more than just sexual.  Many of the guys I talked to about this (and even had sex with) were usually  frustrated because finding a guy who resonated with them and according to whatever criteria they used was difficult and I learned that because they relied on physical attraction as a catalyst, hmm, maybe they were making it hard for guys to bed them by having very exacting standard, up to and including “being into” each other.

I had learned that, nope, I didn’t have to be into a guy to get naked with him; if he wanted to and I wanted to and I felt I could trust him – and my gut instinct – then it was on and rather gloriously so, I might add.  And it’s pretty much always worked for me and, yes, sometimes I guessed wrong but not often; some guys just feel “wrong” even though all of the attraction factors are there and I learned to, again, trust my instincts and ability to read people to keep me away from the guys with the bad vibe.

I had my first male experience in 1964 when the notions of bisexuality that exist right now did not exist and he people making these assertions were not even born… and maybe their parents hadn’t been born.  I have seen, over these decades, a pattern of behavior and one based on superficial attraction and where being into someone is mandatory for sex to happen… and while I don’t discount any of that, I know that the generally accepted notions of that whichever is attractive are not as mandatory as everyone says they are.  I don’t know how many men I’ve talked to who have said that if they’re not attracted to a guy or feel some kind of chemistry between them, no deal… and we all tend to behave like this, don’t we, even when we find out that our exacting standards in this made us miss golden opportunities – and this works for men and women.  Guys don’t want to screw the “ugly” girls, do they?  They don’t wanna screw the not so handsome, small cock guys either.

And if/when they fail to find those things they’re looking for, it’s clear to me – and if to no one else – that attraction and all those things connected with this is overrated, that we can rely too much on that which we see to get us revved up for sex and, yeah, even that the sex has to have some other meaning that’s deeper than the obvious:  Getting your cock sucked feels good.  Period.  At the root of all of this is desire and then not erecting too many barriers between you and that which you desire.  To a lot of people, I’m not bisexual because a hot guy doesn’t make my dick hard and I have no romantic interests in men at all.  Yet, for 52 of my 60 years, I have been intimate on every level possible with both men and women – I just don’t follow or, sometimes, agree with what this “new” definition of what bisexuality is and what it means to be bisexual.

Good looks don’t impress me; big cocks don’t impress me; I don’t need or require “being into” anymore than I need to be in a relationship with a guy to want to throw down with him.  What I need is desire and trust; the desire is easy because I always want to have sex any time, any place, and damned near anyone – if the trust is there and sometimes it isn’t for either mentor women.  Am I bisexual?  Damned right I am and always have been since that fateful day I had a cock in my mouth and got that first taste of another man’s sperm and, later, felt it seeping out of my butt.  It wasn’t better than sex with girls – and it still isn’t – but damn, this is still way too much fun.

And since I am responsible for my satisfaction in these things, if I want to have fun, then it’s on me to remove as many barriers I can in order to have as much fun as I can.  Could I love a guy?  Yeah, I did before so I’d be an idiot to assume it would never happen again.  Do I need love to give a guy some head?  No.  Does he have to be drop-dead handsome?  Nope.  Dick down to his knees?  Nope.  Have to be in a relationship with him to express my sexual desires?  Not even.  What I really need is to be willing and able to do it… and I’ve always been that… but I’m not careless (anymore, anyway) and far from stupid about these things.  I just don’t need a whole lot to get naked and have sex… with anyone, male or female.

Do I recognize and understand that other bisexual men (and even women) require these things?  I do… but because I do not put a lot of stock in these things doesn’t make me any less bisexual.  I say I’m not your “typical” bisexual because I’m not – and I know I’m not the only atypical bi guy because, um, I’ve slept with a lot of them over all this time. I am, in fact, mentoring a guy who is as atypical as I am and we are learning much from each other.  Do I make gay men insane?  Yeah, and they’ve not been shy about telling me how crazy I make them because while I share their sexual desire for men, I don’t share their motivations.  Doesn’t seem to stop them from wanting to bed me, though, and I’m good with that.  When I need love and all those nice things, women work for me in a most excellent way.  I don’t require that to, say, give you a blow job; I just gotta like and trust you enough.

I don’t fit today’s description of a bisexual because I was bisexual before it ever came to be.  I even know that the people supporting this definition are not, in fact, bisexual, and that many who are actually use heterosexual guidelines to determine whether they’re really bisexual and to justify their need for the sex that’s possible.  If that works for them, all well and good… but when I write or talk about this, yep, I will point out that I am and have been bisexual for a very long time and without these “mandatory” requirements they say define bisexuality.  I relate to women one way and to men in another – it’s not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination… and it’s not supposed to be because you define what this means to you instead of letting others define it for you and more so if they aren’t – and can’t – be bisexual.

I’m sexually attracted to men and as “shameful” as this is being seen today – that “hearts not parts” thing in play – I own this attraction and without one bit of shame.  I might be attracted to your personality; ya might even be a hunk and even these things might not literally get a rise out of me.  Offer me your cock… and watch what happens next if I trust you.  What I need is the desire and I have that in spades, BLake; everything and anything else is gravy for me:  Nice to have but not always necessary.

Questions?

 
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Posted by on 27 April 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Redefining What’s Real

When I was growing up, I was raised to be a man and all that meant in the mid-1950s.  Men do this, don’t do that – you’ve probably heard it or some version of it, right?  The “training” is one thing, what you actually experience while you’re trying to apply that training can vary, oh, like finding out that having sex with boys – a girly thing to do – was as much fun as having sex with girls, for instance.  Thus, there’s a deviation from the path that isn’t exactly allowed but should, in my opinion, be expected… because children don’t always do as they’re told.  Still, as long as you don’t stray too far from the path and you learn the lessons taught in “man school,” eh, you’ll be okay.

Somewhere along the line, the question of, “What is a real man and what is he supposed to do?” came up and I spent a lot of time listening to women offering their own definitions of what a man is supposed to be from their points of view and those definitions were all over the place and rarely matched what I was taught.  Then men chimed in with their take on what a real man was… and the matching up of things got a little closer to what women were saying… but I was hearing some stuff that had me saying, “Really?” and as if I had missed a lesson somewhere along the line.

Over the following years, the definition of a “real man” kept shifting; some things were common sense, like, real men don’t beat on women, some were kinda wacky, like, real men obey their woman without argument or question – we called that being pussy-whipped when I was growing up and real men never let this happen.  A lot of what a real man was supposed to be was purely idealistic and wishful thinking because how real of a man you were was dependent on what you were taught and then what life would throw at you at any time and, there was never true congruence between what women thought a real man should be and what men thought, i.e., real men lavish whatever riches they have on women to keep them loyal and faithful versus real men have to beat their woman into submission to keep her in check – and if you’ve ever seen “The Color Purple,” you know this lunacy is very old.  Anyway…

I’d say that, oh, about ten years or so ago, a new definition of what a real man was showed up.  On one hand, it was more in line with what women expected of us – love them, care for them and any children involved, don’t abuse them, respect them, give them your all and they will give their all to you, and other things… including one I don’t think women and some men didn’t see coming:  Real men have sex with other men.  Allow me to once again digress a bit…

When I was growing up and in man school, real men did not screw other men and if they did – and they most certainly did – then they weren’t men:  They were faggots, sissies, punks, queers, freaks, and any other descriptor that doesn’t lend itself to the epitome of what a real man is and does.  These sentiments, along with real life examples of how vicious we can be toward each other, sent a lot of men who liked sex with men deep underground and made it an imperative that no matter what they were doing when no one was looking, if you saw “Dan,” you only saw a real man as defined in man school.

Jumping ahead but to those ten or so years ago, while visiting “that site” you’ve heard me rant about, I was chatting with a guy who, at first, I was really interested in spending a couple of hours with and sucking his dick when he started making noises that insisted that if I didn’t let him put his really big dick in my ass, then I wasn’t a real man… and this conversation is over.  I read his words and really thought, “What the fuck?” – I was genuinely dumbstruck because until that moment, I’d never heard any shit like that before.  I had spent my formative years being told and hearing that if you let another man suck your dick or fuck you in the ass, you weren’t a man at all, even though I had figured out some time ago that you could do these things and still do all the stuff required by man school… but until that moment, I really believe it was my own unique take on things.

Seems I was wrong about that.  More and more, I’d be on “that site” hoping to find a dick attached to a decent guy but was seeing more and more men stating in their profiles that only real men should bother to hit them up, effeminate men need not apply, and further qualifying their position by saying that if you weren’t willing to suck them off then have your ass split wide open – and without any reciprocation at all, nope, you weren’t a real man, you faggoty, punk-assed bitch.

Wait, wait… what the fuck just happened?  I’d heard of role reversal before… but this?  When did one’s manliness start being determined by these criteria?  Yeah… I believed you had to be a man – to have really manly guts – to get naked with a dude and have sex with him but this “new” definition had a seriously ugly and dangerous edge to it instead of the calm acceptance that, okay, I can have sex with men and women but it doesn’t make me less of a man because with this one exception, I was still doing the things I learned in man school all those decades ago.

Okay, yes, I’ll confess again that effeminate men made me insane… didn’t stop me from having sex with them and thanks to some things I saw growing up, I never forgot that despite their behavior, they were still men and “effeminate” doesn’t mean passive or submissive and more so if you pissed them off.

Then I learned about the “thug life” and the creed associated with it and I read the manifesto with great interest and found that it actually matched up with the things I’d learned so long ago… with one interesting exception, that being what “bros before hos” really meant.  On the surface, it meant that men should not allow women to get between them and their male friends – and, no offense ladies, there were a lot of women hooking up with guys and demanding they cut their ties with their male friends and some women were going out of their way to sabotage friendships – and I fell victim to this myself, sad to say.  So, to support male bonding and unity, a real man doesn’t let a woman stop him from having male friends and firmly – but gently – stand by his right to have male friends.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?  Any man who has had a woman break up his friendships with other guys or had a long time friendship ended by his boy’s woman knows exactly what I’m talking about.  Enter the other, hidden meaning behind “bros before hos…”  The manifesto I read stated that to be a real man and in the spirit of male bonding and brotherly love for each other, offering yourself up for sex to your brother was not only expected but required.  Otherwise, your manliness could and will be called into question as well as your level of solidarity with your fellow man who abide by this credo.

Or, bluntly, if your boy looked at you and said, “Come over here and suck my dick…” your compliance was expected and required.  Your refusal of any sex with your boy meant you were not only disloyal but not a real man.  If your boy said to you, “Yo, slide that dick in my ass!” if you didn’t unzip, get hard, lube or strap up and comply with the request, nope – not a real man, you disloyal, fake, and phony motherfucker – and your disloyalty will be spread to all the other real men of the creed.

Wait, wait… what?  Now – and I’ll even dare to say “obviously” – not all men who embraced this new school of thought took the full meaning of “bros before hos” to heart; ain’t no way they’re gonna get down and dirty with another dude… but, actually and honestly, that’s to be expected; brother man might love the thug life but he’s still very straight and always will be.

About an hour or so ago – and what prompted me to write this – I saw a “sissy-centric” picture of a guy dressed up as a girl, with breasts (I’m thinking loads of hormones and not surgery), his ass in the air, his decently sized cock dangling limply between his legs, and accompanied by a caption that said something along the lines of, “A real sissy is always ready and willing to give their ass to a real man!”  I don’t pay the sissy fetish much mind (it’s fascinating) but it was that “real man” part that got my attention because it dovetails all too nicely with this mindset that’s currently in effect:  Real men not only do all the things I’ve ever learned about being a man, but they also fuck other men as a matter of course?

There are, no doubt, men and women reading this and asking, “What the fuck, KDaddy?” – and as a bisexual man, I’m pretty much asking the same question:  Why is this now and/or becoming a definition of what a man is?  See, I thought that being for-real as a man meant being and staying true to yourself no matter what and without deception – read this as being something you really aren’t or otherwise faking the funk, having delusions of grandeur or undeserved supremacy – shit like that.

Do y’all remember my saying that humans are so flexible in their thinking that we can justify anything we might do, even if that justification makes no sense to anyone else?  It’s my belief that this “real man” stuff is almost the perfect justification for men to have sex with other men; the logic is not only sound but unassailable and if you’ve ever seen fit to question a guy’s manliness and have seen the nearly automatic and vehement response, you will understand why I say the logic is unassailable because no one in their right mind calls a man’s manliness into question without repercussions of some kind.  That’s the kind of thing that will make a nonviolent man very violent and, no, I don’t recommend that anyone test this… and those who have know exactly what I’m talking about.

Does this stand up to moral scrutiny?  Of course not and, theoretically, it’s never supposed to… but when has this ever really made a difference?  On the one hand, I’m actually pleased that more men are learning that – sorry again, ladies – that pussy ain’t the only answer to sexual satisfaction but, in the other, this new sense of machismo kinda bothers me, that not being willing and able to give your body to another man – or to take the offer of sex from another man – puts your sense of being a man into severe doubt.  I personally do not buy into this mentality; I am bisexual but by choice, I am not a thug and never will be; I’m just too set in my ways to adopt habits like being out in public with my underwear showing, to cite one example.  Am I tough?  Oh, you bet your ass I am but I have no need or see the sense in being demonstrative about that and while I don’t always agree with authority, I do respect it – the alternatives aren’t pleasant and never were.

Hell, I’m not even a fan of the music.  Having said that, no, I don’t discount any man’s right to be a thug or, really, the man he feels he needs to be.  But this new version of a “real man” that seems to be gaining speed is interesting and, being an old school kind of guy, just a bit troubling.  I got used to being viewed as “less of a man” because I love to suck dick and used to love getting boned in the butt… but to now be viewed as less of a man because I might not want to get boned or do some boning and on demand, as it were?  Maybe I’m wrong but being into this is a choice one makes for themselves and based on whatever supports that choice… but this thing and its sense of expectation and unquestionable compliance or be seen as unmanly?

Whoa…

 
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Posted by on 25 April 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Technical Difficulties

Male bisexuals face many difficulties but none are as worrisome as trying to figure out why they’ve gotten this sudden appreciation for other men… or, if it’s not so sudden, why have these feelings been hanging around right on the edge of their consciousness and, over time, are becoming a distraction.

These things aren’t about doing – compared to trying to figure out what’s going on, doing is somewhat easier and, for some, requires much in the way of intestinal fortitude to jump into the deep and unknown waters that is homosexual sex.  Before a guy can get his feet (and other parts of his anatomy) wet, he’s got to come to terms about these taboo desires flooding every fiber of his being.  The biggest question I’ve been asked about this is not why these feelings are present but how best to cope with them; people are smarter these days and while why can cause much confusion, eh, it’s really not that hard to figure out… but why can be summed up in two words:  Human nature.  Not an easy topic to assimilate but the simplest way to accomplish this is to understand that, yeah, it happens and the man pondering this isn’t the only guy in the history of guys to find himself wondering about this.

Coping can be a bitch, thanks to the internal struggle taking place.  One part is confused but adamant that women are and always will be the preferred focus of romantic and sexual endeavors.  Another part, however, is saying, “I’m good with that… but you see that guy over there?  He’s hot and if you don’t believe me, uh, look down and while you’re checking out the tent, tell me why our pulse is racing and it’s a bit warm?”

We know why we’re attracted to women; some of it is evolutionary, some of it comes courtesy of our social conditioning and part of that social conditioning says that men are not to ever be attracted to or want to have sex with other men no matter what their minds and bodies are saying differently.  The conflict is so powerful that we just overlook the obvious:  Um, excuse me, but if looking at a guy isn’t supposed to make my dick hard, why is my dick hard?  We get so busy freaking out over this revelation that we never question what we’ve been told about this or, just because it’s not supposed to happen doesn’t mean it can’t, won’t, or doesn’t.  Yes, it’s true that some guys never have to deal with this and, no, I couldn’t begin to tell you why.

If you’re lucky, you’ve got someone you can confide with and someone who isn’t going to kick you in the nuts for having these verboten feelings and, if you’re even luckier, you have a bisexual mentor, someone whose been through all of this and has the hands-on experience to help put things into perspective and making acceptance of these new feelings a bit easier.  Minus this, coping can be difficult for a lot of guys; it’s a lot to examine and analyze and something that calls for a lot of introspective inspection and so much that some guys get overwhelmed by it and are unable to process anything, which makes them ignore their feelings with differing levels of success – but, often, without realizing that those feelings are still there… and they may return.

Adding to the technical difficulties is what I’ll call misplaced focus; instead of working on what they’re feeling, a lot of guys are immediately concerned with what others will say about them.  It’s a legitimate concern; image and reputation is everything and the only way you don’t know about the social issues around this is either you’re too young to pay attention to the news… or you’ve been living under a rock on an island in the middle of nowhere.  These feelings and the accompanying thoughts can change your behavior and so subtly that you don’t notice it – but people around you – and those who are familiar with you – do notice… and the more you try to hide what’s going on, the more folks get the sense that something’s not quite right with you.

It hard to act “normal” when you’re feeling anything but normal, even when it’s business as usual with the ladies and until you learn how to cope with these feelings and accept that this is how you’re feeling – and even if you don’t know why yet – you’re gonna be your own worst enemy until you can get yourself settled down.  Now, here’s the bad part in this… and as if things couldn’t be any worse, huh?

There’s no tried and true, sure fire way to cope with this.  Every male bisexual or curious guy I know has had to find a way to cope that works specifically for them.  I could spend a lot of time telling you what I did to cope but we are so individual that what worked for me isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution for all men dealing with these technical difficulties.  I’ve come to understand that the older you are when all of this strikes, the harder it is to make sense of because it’s damned hard to change a lifetime of behaviors and experiences.

You’ve spent your life up to this point dealing with women, looking for love, sex, and relationships… and now you’re having to deal with something that you know about but never had a reason to think that you’d ever have to deal with.  When asked, I’ve attributed my “success” in this to my intelligence, near-insatiable curiosity, being damned impulsive and, importantly, how old I was, which relates to how long I’ve had to get myself right about all of this.  No, I’m not saying that an older and mature man can’t figure it out and cope – it’s just hard to do at times to find yourself changing everything you were taught and believed in.

So when a guy newly struck by this asks me what should he do – what can he do – my first answer is, “Accept that this is how you feel even though it feels impossible.”  Because if you can’t accept and then learn how to cope, you’re going to have some issues that can be ignored but aren’t really going anywhere.  Trying to convince yourself that you aren’t feeling these things is a waste of time; if you’re feeling them, then it can’t be impossible for you be feeling them, right?  So, if you can’t accept and learn how to cope, doing will present even bigger problems because ya might know what you’re doing… but you still don’t know why you’re doing them.

Don’t get me wrong; some guys can and do go from, “What the hell is wrong with me?” right to having the sex without a lot of problems; doesn’t mean the technical difficulties are absent and it usually catches up with them later.  “What the hell is wrong with me?” turns into, “What the hell am I doing?” and for some, catestrophically so; I’ve had guys tells me this has bitch-slapped them right in the middle of having sex with a guy – not cool at all and very disturbing.

You can’t avoid the technical difficulties – there are too many of them to make escaping possible.  You accept, you learn how to cope, you formulate a plan to determine if doing is feasible, possible, or even necessary.  Creating an environment of denial in your mind will not help you so thinking, “This can’t be happening to me – it’s not supposed to happen!” is, in my opinion, is a big mistake:  You’re just gonna create more problems for yourself.

Use your mind and think; if you need help, find a mentor at your local LGBT community if you don’t have friends or acquaintances who’ll be on your side about this.  Don’t become your own worst enemy and do your level best not to make things for yourself harder than they have to be.

 
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Posted by on 24 April 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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