Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Biphobia… Real or Imagined?

I was just reading something another WordPress blogger wrote about biphobia and one of the things I’ve noticed about this – and since I’ve been bisexual for a very long time now – is that this biphobic rhetoric resembles the same bullshit that was being said about homosexuals and almost verbatim except they’ve added the “fact” that being bisexual is just a stopping off point on the route of being homosexual.

What I know – and what the folks who are freaking out about this trash talking don’t know – is that this “phobia” has always been around and all they’ve done is change the target of their ire and, again, I have the advantage of having already heard of all this shit before, from “you’re just going through a phase” to “you’re really gay – so why don’t you just admit it” so I know that what’s really going on isn’t the fact that I might be in denial about my sexuality:  It’s that they’re in denial about the real fact that despite what they’ve been told, what they believe, or what they think, yes, there are people who aren’t straight or gay.

That bisexuals get upset about this is actually understandable because no one likes to be called something that they know they aren’t.  I seem to remember getting into a discussion about this with someone some time ago and they were insisting that not only is biphobia real but I should be seriously concerned about it and society’s attempts to erase bisexuals; I recall giving them a “LMAO” and saying that I don’t understand why I should be all that worried about something that cannot be done and, being a student of history, if society tried to erase homosexuals and that didn’t work, how can they even think and/or believe that mere words are going to erase bisexuals?  They came back and said that because I wasn’t buying into this “threat,” I was adding to the problems of biphobia and bi-erasure… but when I asked them to explain this, they declined to do so.

But, you see, I was talking to someone who didn’t know that this “phobia” and “erasure” shit has been around for centuries – it’s not a new thing; they just took the rhetoric that pertained to homosexuals and applied it to bisexuals so while many people see this as being new, to me – and other bisexuals from my era – this is the same old shit wrapped in a different package.  Still, it comes down to the matter of what you, the bisexual, is going to believe:  What you know about yourself… or something that’s basically someone’s opinion on something that they don’t know a damned thing about?  And then one must consider the source of this which, as far as I’ve been able to investigate, is coming from gay folks more than straight folks – and, yes, there are straight folks who believe that people should only be straight (because the bible says so) or they should be either straight or gay.

People say this and there are bisexuals all over the world saying, “Really?”  This is a case of just because you think/believe this is true doesn’t mean that it is true, like an ongoing theme I’ve been seeing that says that straight men are in denial about their homosexual desires… and this theme is being pushed by homosexual men who seem to have the hots for straight men for some reason I’ve not seen them really explain.  What seems to be going on with this particular thing is that they’re taking a bit of scientific fact – some straight men do think about playing with a dick, even if they don’t do it consistently or as a matter of course – and then putting a huge spin on it and, get this, some gay men are telling straight men the same thing they say to bisexual men, i.e., you should stop being a fake and admit that you’re really gay like we are.

Once upon a time, humans thought that the world was flat and if you sailed too close to the edge, you were gonna fall off; once upon a time, humans believed that the Earth was the center of the solar system and everything else revolved around it.  There’s a lot of shit that we used to believe that we no longer believe, right?  Except when it comes to sexuality and it’s totally fucking insane to keep believing that homosexuals and bisexuals don’t exist when they’ve always existed.  I know that some keep believing this because they want to believe it and for their own peace of mind, they have to believe it; otherwise, they face the very daunting task of completely revising their view of the world to include the fact that there are, indeed, men and women who enjoying having sex with other men and women.  There are those who believe that bisexuals do exist (yay!) but it’s conditional:  It’s men or women because accepting that it’s men and women is just wrong, being greedy – you know what’s being said.

The bottom line, like it or not, is that this crap is opinion, not fact.  I’ve had this conversation with a whole lot of people over a great many years and it’s just funny to see how they react when you tell them that sexuality isn’t static and that people do, in fact, change their minds about their sexuality and for whatever reason makes sense to them.  They’ll say, “I don’t know why anyone would want to make such a change…” and even when I’ve explain the many reasons why people would do just that, something curious happens:  They agree that what I’ve told them does make sense… but they still don’t believe it.  For instance, I was talking to Cityman about this one day and he was telling me that a gay friend of his was giving him a load of shit about being bisexual and that he should pick a side and stay there and he didn’t see the attraction of having sex with women.  Cityman told him, basically, if you really wanna know, go have sex with a woman and the gay man almost had a stroke and insisted that he could never change his mind about his sexual preference.

But that’s a lie; sure, we’re expected to pick a side… but who says you can’t change your mind if you have a reason to?  Cityman told this gay man about another gay man he knows who has sex with women on occasion… and Cityman was told that this was impossible and I know the only reason why the guy said this is that he believes it’s impossible.  Lesbians have been known to actually have sex with men, even if for the purpose of getting pregnant, given that the costs of IVF can be pretty damned expensive and these women who want to be mothers are usually branded as traitors to the lesbian cause… because it’s believed that a woman who loves women would never, ever, have a reason to want to be screwed by a guy.

So when you take in all of this (and a lot more), it’s easier to refute bisexuality than it is to accept the fact that there are bisexuals and that all of the shit being said against bisexuals is, at best, stereotypical claptrap and, again, a matter of opinion more than true facts.  I always tell the people who run around spreading biphobia that if you really wanna know what this is about, ask a bisexual… and many just won’t do that because it would invalidate everything they believe about this.  I mean, seriously, do you really believe that if you masturbate, you’re gonna go blind?  If you don’t believe this, um, why you would you believe that there’s no such animal as a bisexual human being?  And then there’s this:

If bisexuals don’t really exist and all that shit, um, what are y’all pitching a bitch about?  Think about this one for a moment…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Spit or Swallow?

Man, these guys…

So the title of this scribble is also the title of a thread on the bi guy forum that’s been gathering a lot of steam the last couple of days and a couple of things (or, really, maybe more than a couple) stand out to me and the first being all the guys who have yet to suck a cock establishing a preference to swallow and the other (for now) are the couple of experienced guys who say, for safety’s sake, they don’t swallow or otherwise allow semen in their mouth.  Let me talk about these guys first…

Unless you’re giving a blow job and the other guy is wearing a condom, whether you know it or not, you’re ingesting his seminal fluid – aka pre-cum – and if there’s any unhealthiness in his body, um, guess where it’s gonna show up?  One guy said he never swallows his lover’s cum because he doesn’t trust him – but he always tastes his pre-cum and I thought, “Uh, so if you are so worried about catching something doing this, you probably don’t know that as much as you suck this guy’s cock, you’ve always been taking that risk…”

Now, it is possible to catch something performing oral on anyone, male or female and I’ve always found it somewhat amusing to hear about people insisting on condom use in the spirit of safe sex… but when it comes to giving head, um, er, ah, shit, that practice isn’t always followed.  This, however, really isn’t the point but I often wonder if anyone really understands what happens when they put pretty much anything in their mouth and, specifically, how our bodies go about digesting things.

It begins with saliva; not only does it keep your mouth moist, it contains bacteria and enzymes that are designed to start breaking down stuff and while there are some things that can survive this destructive environment, the next step takes place when you swallow something and it hits your stomach, which contains even more powerful bacteria, enzymes and, oh, yeah, hydrochloric acid, which is really, really good at destroying things – except cellulose; this is why you can eat certain veggies – like corn or peas – hit the bathroom and, well, you probably know what you’re gonna see, right?  Outside of this, not too many things can hit your stomach and survive the experience and that includes seminal fluid and sperm.

The problem with catching something via oral is really about how healthy one’s mouth is; things like cavities and gum disease can be an entry point for something bad and get there before your saliva can get to it; likewise for having any kind of abrasion inside your mouth or on your tongue.  I recall reading some articles about HIV/AIDS and wondered why they were talking more about vaginal and anal intercourse than oral and when they did mention this, they also pointed to the rather destructive environment of the mouth and stomach as the least likely entry points; the bad shit, like syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea become a problem orally when the mouth isn’t as healthy as it can be.  It’s the reason why they say that you can’t contract HIV/AIDS by kissing someone because saliva and the forces at work in your stomach are, again, very good at destroying stuff – but a lot of that also depends on how strong your immune system is, whether you suffer from dry mouth, or your digestive system is somehow out of balance.

So, yeah, when I see a guy say that he won’t swallow because he doesn’t want to catch anything – but they suck cock without using protection, yeah, it’s an eye-roller and more proof that some of us really don’t know how our bodies work nor are they thinking about the fact that in order to catch something, the guy you’re sucking has to have whatever it is you don’t want to catch; some guys believe that if you suck a guy’s dick, you’re automatically gonna catch something nasty (and a lot of people actually do believe this).  Otherwise, at the least, swallowing that nut can literally leave a bad taste in your mouth and it can upset your stomach and even upset the water balance in your gut enough to give you the runs.  That doesn’t mean that guys shouldn’t get tested or, if the other guy is questionable, insist that he get tested and, yes, if you’re really and seriously worried about this, never, ever, suck a cock without a condom.

Now, to the other guys!

I get that those fellas who’ve yet to get that first taste of dick and sperm tend to fantasize about it but, um, there’s a reason why they call it an acquired taste.  One of the downsides of watching porn stars swallow sperm is that while you can see them doing it, you can’t get an idea of what sperm might taste like although, if you look closely, you can see a porn stars facial expression when they know their scene includes swallowing some spunk or otherwise getting it into their mouth… but I’m thinking most guys aren’t paying attention to such things.  What I feel some guys don’t know (or pay any attention to) is that seminal fluid is a cocktail of substances that are designed as a delivery vehicle and environment for sperm to survive long enough to reach a woman’s egg and fertilize it.  A woman’s vagina is an acidic environment while seminal fluid is alkaline to counteract the acidity and give sperm a chance to “do its job” before that acidic environment destroys them – and, yes, it’s a similar kind of destruction to what happens in your stomach, if you were wondering.

And it’s seminal fluid that carries those, um, extra flavors that can make taking a nut in the mouth a potentially distasteful experience.  But like so many other things, it’s one thing to know the chemistry of this and a different thing to actually taste it – and even if you’ve heard from others that sometimes, that shit just tastes nasty… and I’m not gonna bullshit you about that because, yup, sometimes it does.  But what gets me about these guys is that, on the one hand, they want to suck a guy off so very badly… but they’re also “afraid” of that taste and, bluntly, something that they’ve actually not tasted…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: One Reason Why

And I thought that I wouldn’t have a TBT thing to write today…

So, the first thing I saw when I made my daily visit to the bi guy forum was someone asking a question, “What does your ideal guy look like?” and they went on to lay down a specific criteria of what that guy would have to meet right down to the size of the guy’s cock… and these guys wanna know why they’re still virgins when it comes to having sex with other guys?

It makes sense for a dude to ask himself what conditions would have to be in place in order for him to get naked and sweaty with another guy but I find that they’re already thinking about what they like and don’t like based upon anything other than an actual experience or they’ve put the cart before the horse and now they’re wondering why this doesn’t look right and, oh, yeah, it’s not working.  I know that guys have access to all kinds of porn and that they even collect information from other men – and men who may or may not have had an experience and then base their criteria for doing the deed on this.  Since they do this, they’re often dismayed to find themselves unable to get that first experience literally under their belt and because, right out of the gate, they’ve set the bar quite high.

The “ideal guy” specifications usually have everything to do with age, whether they’re height/weight proportionate, are stunningly handsome and, yes, cock size; some guys dip a toe into even specifying the exact mindset the ideal guy has to have, i.e., Mr. Ideal Guy has to think the exact same way that they do about this and while reading this particular thread, I started laughing and said, “Ha… they wanna have sex with themselves!”  Once this humorous moment passed, I thought about something that it appears to me they don’t think about:  A guy will do and say anything to have sex with you; it’s by any means, fair or foul.  So, sure, there are times when such guys find Mr. Ideal Guy – the one who fits the description precisely – but then get all fucked up in the head because they didn’t really take into consideration what might be in the other guy’s mind about this and, yep, the fact that if this guy wants to have his way with you, he’s gonna tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to accomplish his goal… and not so much yours.

I get that, in this, one wants to proceed with caution because if nothing else, you’re looking to get into something that you really don’t know anything about and those guys who think they do know about this usually find out that they really didn’t know shit.  So because they don’t wanna make a mistake, the “best” way is to lay down the conditions and specifications that, ideally, will prevent a mistake from happening and provide that perfect sexual experience… like that’s really gonna happen.  The truth and reality is that most first experiences for men in this tend to be disasters because they find out that what they thought and what really happens isn’t the same thing and then due to things that they never considered, like, you can talk to a guy about sex but how he behaves during sex can be very damned different.

Like, one guy thought he’d met Mr. Ideal Guy and was ready to get it done… until the other guy kissed him.  He was totally bummed out and when I read this I muttered, “Did it not occur to you that some men want to have sex with other men and in the same way they’d have sex with a woman?  And didn’t you stop to think that if the guy is gay, um…?”  Apparently, this guy never bothered to factor this in when he set up his conditions and specifications and, for him, this was an epic failure.

So what’s the best way to approach this?  Don’t go into this with any preconceived notions and/or expectations.  I’m not saying it’s wrong to try to establish some preferences before the fact but I am saying that hanging your hat on those preferences might be a mistake.  If “Gary” wants to get into some mutual cock sucking with another guy, okay, fine – that’s a good starting goal to have… but when you start nitpicking things and tacking conditions and other such stuff, you’re pretty much making sure that you’re not gonna find out what it’s like to suck cock as you wanted to.  You probably wouldn’t want to say yes to the first guy who hits on you and some due diligence is called for… but do all of it including asking every question you can think of and while always keeping firmly in mind that the guy you’re talking to just might be telling you what you wanna hear so he can get at you.

Guys ask me what my ideal guy looks like and my answer is, “He’s clean, healthy, his dick works, he’s not my idea of an asshole… and he says yes.”  They ask, “Don’t you care about his looks or the size of his cock?”  Nope… because looks aren’t everything and despite what we tend to believe, the size of a guy’s cock isn’t a true indicator that whatever sex you’re gonna have with him will be satisfying.  But then, unlike some of these guys, I learned all of this by actually doing it and I sometimes liken this to buying a pair of shoes:  You know (or should know) what size shoe you wear but you should still try them on before you buy them cause the shoe may or may not fit you comfortably; sometimes, that size 11 might really be a rather tight size 10 1/2 and because of manufacturing variances.

You just do not know what you don’t know and while a lot of this is, in fact, an intellectual exercise, you’re not really gonna know if the guy is gonna be the kind of guy you wanna have sex with until you put on your big boy pants and have sex with him.  Does Mr. Ideal Guy exist?  Well, until you actually meet him, the only place he exists is in your mind and you’d do well to be aware of the fact that Mr. Ideal Guy just might be the guy who doesn’t match the description you’re hanging your hopes on.  In this, I like to butcher a line from the movie, “Robocop” where the bad guy said, “Good business is where you find it!”  My version is, “‘Good sex is where you find it…” and I know, even if some men don’t, that good sex isn’t always found in the places you think it should be.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: This Might Sound Strange…

…but the other day, there was a spirited discussion about sucking cock for the first time and as a bisexual man, it did my heart a lot of good to see so many guys eager to give head for the first time.  What really got my attention was a comment made by a guy who wanted to know if sucking cock was like sucking skin – like sucking on a soft finger – and what does another cock feel like, i.e., soft, hard, heavy, etc..

For a moment I thought that this was a strange thing to ask about until I took another moment to think about it.  As men, we, um, get very familiar with our own dicks; we have occasion to see quite a few of them, like in the shower room after gym class, and if we watch porn, we get to eyeball some pretty impressive-looking dicks… and none of which really prepares you to handle sucking cock for the first time.  As I continually say, it’s one thing to think about doing this and let your imagination run wild thinking about what it would be like but the potentially very cold slap in the face comes when there’s a naked man with you and his cock is right there in your face, either soft or very hard, and awaiting some attention from you.

Those of you who suck cock know exactly what I’m talking about because we’ve all had that first time doing this and can recall whether or not it was the scariest thing we’ve ever done… or it wasn’t that much of an ordeal in any way.  For those who haven’t had the experience, well, that someone would ask the questions this guy did really isn’t surprising.  Yeah, okay, you might be thinking, “What kind of question is that?  If you’ve seen one dick – even your own – you’ve seen them all!” and that’s not as true as one might believe because, thanks to the “magic” of genetics, every swinging dick is unique to the person it’s attached to – only the anatomy itself is consistent from one guy to the next but things like shape, size, heft, girth, etc., isn’t so consistent.

So while playing with your own dick is one thing, playing with someone else’s dick is a different experience and one of the things that keeps a lot of guys on the bench is not really knowing what it’s like to actually touch another man’s cock.  Yep, you’d think that it shouldn’t be any different from touching your own but that’s not how it works in your head; since this isn’t your prick you’re about to grab and do something this, it’s perceived to be different, strange and for some, about the scariest thing they’ve done to date.  You might even think that if you’ve watched porn, that should tell you what the deal is… but that’s just visual input; you can see the size and shape of a “model’s” cock but you have no way of knowing what it feels like, what it tastes like, and even what he smells like.

Now, someone like myself can tell you these things and that’s fine but until you actually experience these things for yourself, your knowledge and understanding is, at best, incomplete.  The intellectual aspects are theory and while there’s nothing wrong with theory, um, they don’t prove themselves do they?  Theories must be proven via practical application and while a guy can confirm their theories via the experiences of others, this still isn’t the same as finding yourself face to face with another man’s cock.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Top, Bottom, or Versatile?

This seems to be a recurring topic on the bi guy forum and a forum where, thanks to a recent poll, bottoms outnumber both tops and versatile guys – and this includes the guys who haven’t done the nasty with another guy yet.  It’s always interesting to see how folks who are adverse to labels want to hang their respective hats on these particular labels, like the one guy who said that we – bisexuals – shouldn’t get hung up over the labels of straight, bi, gay, whatever – but he’s a dyed-in-the-wool bottom.

Again, if you think women are funny…

These roles come with expectations; tops are the male-dominant sexual role, bottoms the female-submissive role, and versatile embodies being able to assume either of the previous roles.  The issue isn’t that these roles exist but how we – humans – seem to think that these roles are fixed or, a bit more plainly, a top couldn’t (or isn’t supposed to) change his mind and decide that he wants to be a bottom or the opposite of this – and versatile guys are always expected to switch roles in a single sexual encounter… and I honestly don’t know why we behave like this.  Sure, one can argue that this is all about preference but even in this, don’t we act as if once a preference is set, we aren’t to deviate from it?  Methinks some of this is because humans are creatures of habit and once we learn how to do something, we will usually do it the same way every time (or as close to that as possible) and even if we learn of a different way to do a thing, we might try that different way but usually default back to the way we’ve always done it.

There’s a great exercise/example that involves crossing your arms.  In such an exercise, the instructor had us cross our arms as we normally would, like, left over right – then cross our arms the opposite way – right over left.  Some people made the change smoothly… but many others had a moment actually doing it and then they said that it felt weird.  Give it a try – I’ll wait.

How’d that go for you?  No big deal… or did it feel weird?  Did you automatically switch it up or did you have to think about it for a moment?

We often operate under the notion that if it ain’t broke, don’t fuck with it which kinda reflects our seemingly natural aversion to change and even in this, some folks can change without much effort while others struggle with change and go out of their way to resist change even though that change might be necessary.  So in the M2M world, once a top, always a top and along with this, tops do/don’t do certain things – let’s call this expected behavior for lack of a better phrase – so a top is required and expected to always be in the dominant role and never even think about assuming the submissive – bottom – role… even if a top has an urge to find out what it’s like to be a bottom.

I recall having this discussion with my protegé who, like a lot of top guys I know of, said that he’s a top and there’s no reason for him to be anything other than a layer of pipe.  I laughed and asked him, “So, um, what would you do if you got the urge to be topped?  Or if you ran into a guy you resonated with and he wanted bury his bone in your butt?”  He said that would never happen (and adamantly so) but I persisted and asked, “Okay, so, what you’re saying is that you’d never have a reason to change your mind?”  He said he didn’t think so and, uh, without giving away any details, er, um, he did find reason to change his mind.

I just think it’s pretty funny to see guys writing about their position on this and how very certain they are that they have no reason or desire to deviate from their position/role of choice.  Sure, some tops have chimed in on the topic and have allowed that they’ve given some thought about bottoming… but, nah, that’s not likely to happen.  Likewise, a few of the bottoms have expressed an interest in topping a guy and have turned right around and dismissed the idea with some saying that they didn’t think they could top a guy… but, as a matter of course, they do screw women.  If I recall, someone did ask a bottom why he wouldn’t want to top a guy and that bottom replied, “Because I’m not supposed to – that’s not the way it works.”

Really?  There’s no point in wondering where this kind of thinking came from because the notion is probably much older than I am and has become like a standard behavior and one in which deviation either isn’t allowed or not expected to take place; you pick a role and you stay in it no matter what and, perhaps, this is an outgrowth of our resistance to change or just being creatures of habit.  I recall a conversation I had with a guy on the hookup site about this and one of the first things he asked me was if I was a top or a bottom and I replied, honestly, “That depends on how I’m feeling.”

He asked, “Oh, okay, does that mean you’re vers (versatile)?”

I replied, “No, that means exactly what I said.”

He didn’t seem to think that made any sense and even said that I had to be one of these things and I asked him, “Where’s it written or who says that I have to be?”

He retorted that this is the way it’s always been and I asked, “So, what, I’m not allowed to change my mind about what I wanna do and/or how I wanna do it?”

He vanished from the conversation so I guess that as far as he was concerned, changing my mind wasn’t part of the deal or something.

Then there are the guys who seem to think that this also applies to having sex with women and one guy said he enjoys bottoming for women in a BDSM way and, I guess, submitting to whatever she wants to do to him but I wonder if the guys who make this distinction understand that if she’s riding his cock, she’s in what’s known as the female-dominant role so even though he’s all up in her coochie, um, he’s really in the male-submission role and simply because of who’s on top?  Maybe it’s just me (and it probably is) but I don’t see where being submissive in a BDSM way really equates to the top/bottom/versatile modes of M2M sex – then again, you can take what I know about BDSM and it might fill a tablespoon at best.  It at least begs the question of whether any of this is mindset or a matter of who’s doing what to whom and even how it’s being done.

Sound confusing?  That’s probably because it is but that kinda brings me back around to the purpose of labels:  We have to be able to define our environment and even our actions; otherwise, how do we know what the hell we’re doing when we’re doing it?  But when it comes to this thing in particular, why do we just assume that once we pick a role there’s no reason to ever change our minds?  True enough:  Some guys try topping and bottoming and then decide which thing gives them the most sexual pleasure and, yes, some find that switching between topping and bottoming suits their purposes… but the question remains valid:  Who says you can’t change your mind about this and is it really that “impossible” for a top to decide that when he gets with this guy, he wants to be screwed or a bottom to decide that this time around, he wants to be the one laying the pipe?  Is it “illegal” for a versatile guy to decide that, for this encounter, he doesn’t want to do the top/bottom interchange and just top or bottom?

That seems to be the case at a high level of thought:  Pick a role and stay in it even if it crosses your mind to do something different.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Something I Find Curious

One of the “trends” I’ve been seeing on the forum are guys wanting to deal with men in a fashion similar to how they deal with women.  They talk about dating, have great concerns about and against casual sex and the theme seems to be relationship first, sex second, which kinda plays into something I saw the other day that said that men look for sex and find a relationship while women look for a relationship and find sex.  So many of the membership insist that the “being into” has to be first and foremost before they strip down and do what they really wanna do – have sex – and many become disappointed and disillusioned to find that a lot of guys want the sex first and if some kind of bond happens after that, well, it could be gravy for them – but it can also be the one thing they’d rather avoid if possible.

Now, it’s not that men aren’t interested in a more, ah, meaningful discourse beyond just sex and, yes, there is some value to be had when “Jeff” can be exclusive with “Harry” but it seems to me that some guys are kinda forgetting that, um, we’re not women in that many of us really don’t require or even desire the relationship first and treat sex as an afterthought.  Yep, I guess it’s being true to our “doggy” nature but while we can be quite interested in you as a person, um, we can explore that… after we get naked and make each other cum.  We believe that sex without investment is a bad thing and that this kind of sex lacks meaning and since this is deemed to be so, it’s to be avoided at all costs… which is kinda funny since some of us don’t have this “attitude” when we’re trying to get into a woman’s panties and the only reason why we’re trying to do that is because she turns us on; if a relationship happens as a result, fine but if it doesn’t, well, okay.

Yet when we turn to M2M – and many make this turn for the sexual aspects – “all of a sudden” we want to date and to be courted before we pull our cocks out for some mutual satisfaction and if the other guy ain’t down with this and is just looking to have some gratifying sex, well, that appears to be a problem.  I was reading a really interesting running thread written by a member who developed a man crush on a guy, was all into him and, as such, ready to have the sex… but the other guy didn’t seem to be ready to take that step.  The member was quite unhappy about that and wondered what was going on and asking what he should do to get this guy to, basically, give up the dick.  In the meantime, he ran into a guy he had been talking to but hadn’t established anything but they meet and the dicks come right out and it was just what the doctor ordered and, what do you know?  A relationship sprang up out of that sexual encounter!  They apparently do more with each other than just empty each other’s balls and, yeah, this is very comforting to many and especially those guys who have an aversion to having sex just because it can be done.

So many of the members are sitting on the bench, itching to get into the game but they insist that, basically, if the other guy isn’t going to be into them beyond just sex, it’s no deal… even though they do understand that sex drives us; they get upset when they run into a guy and after establishing some minimum introductory requirements – what’s your name, and other basic stuff – the next thing tossed into the table is, “Let’s get naked and do something!”  They get bummed out over this and when I see them writing their displeasure about this I ask myself, “Well, what did you expect? Um, do you not know how men operate?”  Indeed, a lot of guys get into this because they don’t have to get into that very complex dance that must be performed with women; let’s just cut to the chase, whip out our dicks, and see what happens afterward.  I’m thinking that perhaps we get used to this dynamic when dealing with women so this must also extend to men and, as such, dealing with a guy in the same manner – establish a meaningful bond before giving up the booty (or asking for it).

One member responded by invoking a rule that probably everyone knows about:  If sex doesn’t happen by the third date, just walk away.  And while this probably works well when dealing with a woman, what makes a guy think that this also works with men… and why are they surprised and dismayed when it doesn’t work?  This isn’t about being disinterested in a person because we tend to not want to have sex with someone we have zero interest in physically or emotionally; it’s just that there are some guys who operate at a very minimal level; tell me who you are and what you’re into and if those things are compatible, let’s have sex and whatever happens after that remains to be seen; maybe something with more meaning and substance will happen as a result, maybe it won’t but I guess at the end of the day, it’s all about what one sees as a requirement for having sex and, yeah, doing the nasty just because you can and want to just seems to be a problem for some guys.

Like I’ve been saying here of late, if you think women are really funny about stuff like this, you’ve not been around bisexual men and I just find it curious that if it’s true that men look for sex and find a relationship, we want to do things with each other in the way it’s said that women do them – look for the relationship first, then consider the sex.  Of course, I’m not even trying to offend anyone with this discourse but I’m the guy who’ll notice this and, yeah, I have some thoughts about that.  When I tell guys that you really don’t have to be into a guy to have sex with him – you just have to be able to like and trust him enough to want to have sex with him – wow, some guys get kinda bent out of shape over such a statement and insist that a deeper level of bonding is a mandatory requirement and, again, even when you know that men can have sex without that bond being in place before the fact.

It’s curious and, for the moment, I don’t know what to make of this…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Power of Negativity

After today’s visit to the forum, I once again saw what I think of as a recurring theme among some of the membership, namely, all the guys who spend more time being focused on why they can’t take the plunge but not so much time thinking of how to go about doing it.  I see men who are chomping at the bit and ready to go for it, yet, they seem to spend a lot of time talking themselves out of doing something.  Now, the married guys?  Yeah, they’ve got a damned good reason for remaining on the bench but the guys who are unattached?  They all voice a similar thing, i.e., they wanna (add something here) – but – and the reasons behind the but are eerily similar, from being afraid of catching something to being scared to death about stumbling into a relationship they don’t want to be involved in and the usual thing of not being able to find a guy they wanna do something with… but that’s because they don’t wanna go about trying to find that guy.

If you can convince yourself that something isn’t doable, chances are you’re not gonna be able to do it and while it is a very positive thing to see so many men willing to give voice to their desires for cock, the moldy blanket of negativity pervades the site because of the number of men who constantly and consistently talk about why they can’t do what they so very much want to do.  Don’t get me wrong; I understand this and I’m not saying that their concerns are unwarranted but, um, if they’re still wondering why they haven’t had that first experience or haven’t been able to have an experience for what is to them a very long time, it’s because they’re holding themselves back and citing “problems” and situations that are, in fact, resolvable… if they could just stop talking themselves out of it.

Yes, it’s normal and actually makes sense to take a moment or two and think, “I want to suck a dick!” and then start thinking about all the shit that could go wrong but at what point should one’s thoughts gravitate to how they can get this done?  Some want things to be picture perfect before they go for the gusto and, at least in my opinion, that’s unrealistic and more so when some of these guys admit that when they want pussy, eh, they’re not really thinking about what could possibly go wrong doing that.  Some guys have managed to convince themselves that they will never find out what it’s like to get all sweaty and funky with another guy… and they’re the guys who don’t seem to really be trying to do that and keep talking themselves out of doing it.

The pitfalls do exist and as anyone who has ever had sex before should know, sometimes, shit just ain’t gonna happen the way you want or expect it to.  Yes, those pitfalls do have to be acknowledged but if there are ways to avoid them, um, why not work on the ways to avoid them instead of assuming that you’re gonna fall into one as a matter of course?  For some guys, this is a matter of them intelligently understanding what the deal is but their emotional negativity is overpowering and overriding their intelligence; the ones who are free to act as they want to keep coming up with things that guarantees that they’ll never get off the bench and remain stuck in a place that, by their own admissions, they do not want to be stuck in.

Sheesh… if you still think that women are funny about having sex, it’s because you haven’t been around some bisexual dudes.  These guys say, “I want to suck a big dick so bad I can taste it!” but then say that they’re not fond of casual sex then tack on the need for a relationship before they suck that dick or slow their roll by not wanting a relationship.  They want a sure thing in an environment where there’s no such animal as a sure thing and by making the need to have sex overly conditional, they’re just heaping more negativity onto themselves.  See, there’s being careful… and then there’s going out of one’s way to ensure that the sex they so desperately crave will never happen.  The more experience members will tell these guys – and rightfully so – that there comes a time when you just gotta get out there and do it in order to find out if you’ve done the right thing… or you haven’t.  Even I’ve told them that sometimes you just gotta trust your gut instinct when it tells you that doing it with this guy would be fine and dandy but, I guess these guys would rather exhibit the very negative thing of not trusting themselves.

Once, I read where some guy talked at great length about how badly he wanted to suck another man’s dick… and turned right around and said he was sure he wouldn’t really like it and because he seemed to believe this, he hasn’t sucked a dick yet.  So many members responded and asked him how he knew he wouldn’t really like it if he never tries to do it that I felt no need to echo the sentiment and, at least to me, the guy coming back and saying that he knows for a fact that he’s not gonna like it tells me that he convinced himself that he wouldn’t like it… despite the near overwhelming urge to do it.

You can sit, read, and watch these men invoking the power of negativity and literally talk themselves out of doing something and, again, invoking concerns that, if ya thought about it carefully enough, stand a very good chance of never appearing.  You can see conditions being put into place that, on the surface, seem reasonable and common sense but upon closer examination, they’re barriers to doing what they want to do or, as noted, they’ve made sure that whatever sex they want to have will never happen because there won’t be a guy anywhere on the planet who could meet those conditions precisely and with zero margin of error.

And I ask myself, “What’s the point in wanting to do something if all you’re really gonna do is be negative about it?  Why go out of your way to make this harder than it has to be?”