Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is There a Difference?

So, the other day, there was an interesting conversation on the big guys’ forum about whether or not a FWB thing could be established and with the thread’s author thinking it was impossible.  At some point in the discussion, a few of the participants said that having a FWB was different from having a fuck buddy and after reading what they were saying about this, well, I just had to chime in.

I’ve had a lot of people explain this to me (and because I’ve asked them) and the ‘general consensus’ is that the FWB relationship is one that’s all about the perks or being in a traditional relationship but accepting none of the responsibilities.  A fuck buddy is someone you “simply” have sex with whenever that happens and is not to be confused with the somewhat anonymous, spur of the moment hookup.

At least to me, both of these things – which are really the same thing to me – require a degree of friendship-like behavior which may or may not include other things the participants might have in common.  The guys who said they’re looking for a FWB they can hang out with and even when sex isn’t on the table and the guys who were saying the same thing about a fuck buddy made me ask them what the difference was other than semantics; it just seems to me that FWB is a more PC and polite term for a fuck buddy.

Some guys said that the different is friendship and that if the sex goes away with a fuck buddy, so does the association but if the sex goes away in an FWB situation, it’s possible they could still be friends… but they failed to mention or recognize that this same thing could be true between fuck buddies and that these two things have a common denominator, that being the avoidance of any emotional attachment deeper than lust and liking each other enough to have sex.

Some said the difference was all about whether the other guy was into you, which the FWB gang said was important but I asked who has sex with someone they don’t have any some degree of interest in… even if that interest is just lust?  I pointed out that it seemed to me that people who have issues with casual sex – aka the hookup – would prefer a more meaningful situation because sex without investment is, indeed, deems to be empty and meaningless.

And while a single source for sex is preferred and even safer, um, if you can get the milk without buying the whole damned cow, well, that works, doesn’t it?  So it’s still about having all of the perks while avoiding any of the responsibilities, in this case, emotional attachment.  But, um, if you keep having sex with someone enough, doesn’t a deeper connection happen because, along the way, you keep learning more about each other?  And this is, generally, at odds with most bi guys who insist that anything that looks like a relationship is to be avoided at all costs.

Kinda makes me ask why you’d want to get into a situation that could evoke the one thing you don’t want to happen?  And isn’t it true that most folks would not like discovering that the person they’ve been having sex with has no other interest in them other than fucking them?  Oh, yeah, isn’t it also said that friends don’t and should never fuck each other?

If there’s a difference, it’s just semantics and even yet another example of something else, i.e., that actions speak louder than words… but in this, aren’t they saying that their words are speaking louder than their actions?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Absence of Evidence…”

“…isn’t evidence of absence.”  I first saw this rather odd saying in a book I’ve come to love reading and it took my brain a few moment to make sense of this phrase and it’s along the same lines of a couple of other phrases I’ve heard along the way, like, just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you and one of the more confusing – but delightful ones – “A difference which makes no difference is no difference.”

The scribbling came about as some thoughts about closeted bisexuals popped into my head and how our society seems to be desperately trying to identify all the bisexuals they can locate and, perhaps, so this “mysterious” aspect of human sexuality can be better quantified, studied, and explained.  The problem with this is rather simple:  First, find some bisexuals to study.  This brings on the first additional problem:  How can you tell if someone is bisexual?  Sure, you can ask bisexuals to step forward and volunteer the needed information anonymously and some bisexuals are willing to do that but, obviously, many more aren’t.

So the phrase I opened this up with could be interpreted as, “Just because you don’t see a bisexual doesn’t mean there aren’t bisexuals” for this context because many people are as bisexual as the day is long… and few people know this.  When conversing with the guys on the bi forum about how one can find a fellow bisexual to play with, I often tell them that this can be so difficult that you could be standing right next to another bi guy and not be aware of it in any way.  Not to be deliberately stereotypical, but there are some gay men who, upon seeing them, you just know are gay and simply because they go out of their way to make sure you know that they are.  They are “the type” everyone speaks of when, let’s say, “Dave” tells “Gene” that he’s bisexual and loves sucking dick and “Gene” replies, “You don’t look like the type!”

Even I have responded to this statement with, “What does the type look like?”  A rhetorical question, of course, because I know what the type looks like and therein lies the problem when trying to study bisexuality and trying to find someone you can do some stuff with because bisexuals look and behave just like everyone else and are presumed straight until proven otherwise.  Now, some folks have a problem with this aspect of bisexual behavior – they call it having straight privilege and the ranting and raving about this is laughable and, often, rather petty and pathetic and I’ll tell you why it is in the next paragraph.

It’s about what I call “default behavior.”  See, straight folks are… straight; we know how straight folks behave for the most part but you’ll see the moment when the flaw in this thinking gets exposed.  Everything they do is heterosexually oriented, right?  Likewise, we also know how gay folks behave and, again, you’ll see the flaw but, yeah, everything they do is homosexually oriented.  Bisexuals take this perception – and generally accepted behaviors – and throws them out the closest window because our default behavior is heterosexual when we’re not behaving as homosexuals.  For some reason I don’t pretend to understand yet, there are some folks who just seem to forget that bisexuals are two-sided individuals and they pay more attention to our homosexual behavior than they do the fact that, again, when we’re not doing something homosexual, we’re doing pretty much everything else in a heterosexual mode or it’s our default behavior.

They see it as a privilege of some kind and they take umbrage with our ability to blend in with the heteronormative world when, in fact, we never stopped doing things heteronormatively so we’re not really hiding behind some imagined privilege – we’re just doing what we’ve always been doing… except when we do that other thing we like to do and, oh, yeah, that’s all predicated on being able to have the motive, means, and opportunity (MMO) to do it; some of us do, many do not so since not all bisexuals “act” like bisexuals, it’s like John Cena says:  “You can’t see me!”  The funny thing about this is that even if we wanted everyone to see us, you still couldn’t look at us and tell that we’re bisexual; you can reasonably accept that, yes, we do behave as homosexuals if and when we can but we’re also just as straight as everyone who is straight is.

The flaw I mentioned is that because of our default behavior, it can be reasonably assumed that not every straight person who says they’re straight is as straight as they’re allowing; it gets a bit funnier because not every gay person you may encounter is as gay as they say they are, either… but the issue becomes one of if you don’t know this or they don’t demonstrate any of the expected behaviors, um, how would you or anyone else know?  The crazy thing is that, I dunno, bisexuals are expected to behave in a certain way and it discounts the fact that whatever we’re doing in our day-to-day lives is the way we behave.  Not all bisexuals are gonna sign up for the next PRIDE event, not gonna participate in a rally to support the LGBTQ initiative and, thanks to the angst that’s currently in place about being bisexual, the fewer people who know this about them, the better because we, on the whole, just don’t behave nicely to discover that the guy or gal you know and thought to be wholly straight really isn’t.  We have this “mindset” in place that you’re either straight or gay – hence that bullshit about picking a side and staying on it – and the truth can be found in the form of the phrase I opened this up with and simplified:

Just because you don’t see us doesn’t mean we’re not here… and have always been here.  And, yes:  Many bisexuals are quite happy to not plaster a “sign” on themselves that screams, “I”m bisexual!” – but because they have reason not to advertise this fact about themselves doesn’t mean they’re any less bisexual than the ones who are out and don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about their bisexuality.  I mean, even with bisexuals who are out, um, how would you know unless you asked them because bisexuals who are out don’t really behave any differently than those bisexuals who prefer to remain in the closet.

What does the type look like… and how is the type supposed to behave?  Methinks that because we – bisexuals – have a gay side, it’s being assumed that this is the part of our behavior that we should always put on display and if you think that’s insane, well, you know like I do.  So, on the one hand, one can reasonably understand that if there are folks out there who aren’t obviously being bisexual, then how can there be such a creature as a bisexual?  People have this thing going on that if you don’t see it, it doesn’t exist but I tend to liken this to the question of whether or not a tree that falls in a forest makes a noise if no one is there to hear it; the answer is that it does make a noise whether you’re there to hear it or not and if you don’t believe this to be true, ya might want to brush up on some science shit you should have learned back in junior high school about gravity, falling objects, mass times acceleration, you know, physics-type stuff.  If I drop a penny off of the Empire State Building, do I really need to see it to know that it fell?  And will it make a noise when it eventually hits something?

Now… most people really don’t give a fuck about whether there are bisexuals or not; if you are, more power to ya and even more power at your command if you don’t include me in any of this shit.  There are, in fact, gay folks who don’t have an issue with bisexuals because if nothing else, we have an idea of what it’s like to be homosexual if only in deed more than thought.  But, sadly, there are those factions who, despite logical discourse, want to insist that bisexuals don’t exist, shouldn’t exist and if we really do exist (and, um, duh, we really do), then why don’t we all come out of the closet and show everyone this?  What they don’t seem to get is that even the most closeted bisexual is still very much visible; like I said, you could be standing next to me and even talking to me about something and unless I mentioned it – or you were able to intuitively sense it (like gaydar), you wouldn’t have a clue that not only do I love engaging with women, I also love engaging with men.  So we’re not really all that invisible and not having a desire to take out a lot of billboards and announce to one and all that we’re bisexual still doesn’t mean we don’t exist because, after all, absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.  Or, ah, just because I don’t tell you I’m bisexual doesn’t mean I’m not bisexual, ya know?

No:  This doesn’t mean that if you have something against bisexuality you need to get with the program or some shit like that; still, if you believe that bisexuals don’t really exist or even shouldn’t, hmm, maybe you’d want to take a close look at that which you believe and, yes, there’s a difference between having an opinion and believing that something is true when there’s evidence that says it isn’t true… but that’s the big problem with bisexuality, isn’t it?  Supposedly, there’s no evidence, right?  You see the issue here, don’t you?  Ah, but it’s like what I tend to say at times:  There is no freaking way in hell that of all the billions of people in the world right now, I’m the only bisexual who exists in this world.  We just assume and/or take for granted that if there’s one of something, there is more of something… except when it comes to bisexuality… and if that sounds insane, well, now you know just like I do.

 

Yesterday…

I turned 62 yesterday and it was also Bisexual Day and for probably the first time in a very long time, I didn’t have anything reflective to write about before yesterday but I know it’s because I’ve had other things on my mind that were just a bit more important than reviewing and analyzing my life to date (I’ll get to that in a moment).  Still, I had a great day and it started early with a visit to see Mom, who had a birthday care and, as she says, “A few ducats…” in it and her official pronouncement that, now at 62, I’m getting old.

Next was a trip to a nail salon to get a manicure, courtesy of my baby, Linda.  We couldn’t get in where she wanted us to go and it took a little work to find a place where we wouldn’t have to wait very long… and didn’t smell like acetone and funky feet.  Finally, we went to pick up dinner but before that, I spent quite a bit of time responding to all the birthday wishes I received from my family and friends on Facebook.  Dinner was a rather impressive spread that included sushi, fried noodles with shrimp and even sharing a really good-tasting Japanese style fried rice and it was all I could do to stay awake after such a feast but I managed it but it was close, let me tell ya.

Okay, what was on my mind that preempted my “usual” pre-birthday review?  Well, during a routine visit to the doctor, my lab work revealed microscopic traces of blood in my urine which require a trip to see a urologist; he decided that he needed to take a look inside my bladder and, um, trust me, you really don’t want to know what that was like but I decided later and giving into a very un-Christian-like thought that my worst enemy should be subjected to such an examination while being awake.  The urologist said he saw something in my bladder, which he said was probably bladder cancer – and as I told my mom, if you had seen the look on my face and Linda’s, you would have thought this dude was as crazy as we were thinking to make such a pronouncement without following procedure to determine exactly and precisely what it was he saw… and that meant a biopsy.

The good part is that I was out like a proverbial light having this done and I’ll spare you all the gory details but let it suffice to say that while I’ve never had a kidney stone, um, I know what it’s like to having some things coming out that, um, shouldn’t be coming out of there… and was still coming out of there to the point where I was more than a bit concerned about it.  No, it’s not life-threatening but it is pretty damned annoying and, yes, I would highly recommend this to my worst enemy as well.  So, yeah, with this on my mind – and understandably so – I just wasn’t of a mind to do my usual pre-birthday soliloquy and this brief piece of scribbling will have to suffice until next year, I guess.

 

Minecraft…

I actually didn’t think I’d have anything else to write about this game… until the new “better together” version of Minecraft was released yesterday… and it was a disaster.  The gaming industry has been talking about this upgrade to the game because since Minecraft has been around, there are millions of people playing the game across the different platforms – iOS, Android, PC, and the consoles – but unless you were on the same platform with someone you wanted to play with, I couldn’t play with someone who might be playing on their Android tablet due to a mismatch in the protocols that were specifically written for a given device.  Well, they finally solved the riddle and figured out a way for everyone to play Minecraft with everyone else and regardless to their device of choice; as I recall, the only exception is the Java version of the game and that’s because most modern devices other than PCs won’t run Java (or aren’t allowed to).

The beta version came out on Xbox One and to mixed reviews from those who gave it a try and one of the things I know many tried – and because I did it – is taking a world from the Xbox One version and converting it over to the beta version and it worked perfectly for me and many others.  Admittedly, the world I converted wasn’t a big one in terms of file size but there were others who had already built worlds that were not only grandly elaborate but in terms of file size, they were massive.  Still, the beta performed the conversion to my satisfaction even if I wasn’t fond of how they changed things like the game’s menus from what I’d painstakingly gotten used to playing the Xbox One version and I wasn’t the only one as evidenced by the riffing folks were doing on Facebook’s Minecraft Xbox One group page.

So now it was just a matter of the beta running its course and many people were waiting for it to go live.  I don’t know about the other console versions but Microsoft assured everyone that once the new game went live, we could still play the original version – it just wasn’t going to be updated going forward.  Additionally, anyone who had either the game disc or had purchased the digital copy and had played the game for five hours or more would receive the new game free of charge; it was also announced that any add-on packs purchased would be applied to the new game and work as expected but with the understandable caveat that some packs would take a bit of time to be included.

I fired up my Xbox to see if the new version was available there and only because I saw where my iOS version, Minecraft Personal Edition (or PE) had updated and I took a deep breath and proceeded to update my Xbox game and in a note to my son-in-law, I told him that I was afraid to open it but did so anyway.  Now things get interesting.  First, before I could do a thing with the new game, it locked up and eventually crashed my console and had to be reset.  Once that was done, I reopened the game and just like everyone else was probably doing, when to convert my current world into the new game; when it got done, I opened it… and discovered that literally half of my world was missing!  I found myself hovering in mid-air – and that’s because it was what I was doing when I closed that version of the world when I last played it – and then I turned around toward my “headquarters,” only to find that except for a few things, it was gone – all I could see was water where there was never any water.  Even better, I moved to where my headquarters used to be and discovered that the mountain that sits behind my place was literally bisected and to the point where one of my mines was exposed!  That’s about the time I started laughing because I knew if I was seeing something like this, there would be others who’d see it as well and as evidenced by hearing my son-in-law suddenly curse when he did the same thing I did and found parts of his converted world missing.

Several attempts to re-convert my world resulted in more of it being done but one of the things I noticed was that the world I was trying to convert was 257.5 MB in size… but only 170 MB had been converted.  I thought that perhaps the missing megabyte were tied up in the add-on pack attached to the original game so I went to apply it.  The size of the add-on is 8.4 MB… but the process kept getting to 8,1 MB downloaded and just stopped… then the game crashed and took my console along for the ride.  I told my fellow Facebook group members what I’d experienced and even provided pictures of the “carnage” and, yup, a lot of people were having similar problems.  But wait… this gets better!

If you had created a world in the beta, it would open up without a problem… but if you had an add-on applied, well, you could go to it in the menu and download it… except it wouldn’t download.  On the Facebook group, many people were reporting that they could open their worlds from the beta… but there were some things that weren’t working anymore that were working before this thing went live.  But wait… it gets even better from here!  Remember when I said that we were told that if we already had the game either in disc form or digital download we’d get the new game free?  Well, some people who had the game already discovered that when it was time to download and launch the new game, um, it was gonna cost them $349.00… and I had to laugh as I wondered how many people actually re-purchased the game at this price and while hoping that no one did.

I went to xbox.com to check system status one to see what they knew and, two, because this thing had crashed my console three times already and, indeed, Microsoft was aware that something was very wrong – and that’s about all they said; something’s wrong and we’re working on it so check back to see if/when we get it fixed.  I had another good laugh thinking about how Mojang – the creators of Minecraft – and Microsoft were getting bombed and slammed by millions of players and pretty much all at the same time.  I know some shit about moving stuff from a test/beta environment to going live so I know that you can test things until you get them working the way you need them to work but once in production mode, um, things don’t always go smoothly.  Talking to my son-in-law, he managed to get in touch with someone on the Mojang team who told him that they were having problems because they didn’t expect four million people to start playing the game pretty much all at once and because that’s what happened, everything was crashing and burning around them.  Now, you know, being experienced in such things, I said, “Really?  They should have expected it and should have planned on this happening!”  Whether those involved really did take this into consideration or not doesn’t change the fact that the much ballyhooed and anticipated new edition of Minecraft just blew up and now tech teams were – and are still – scrambling to fix it.

I’ve yet to check Xbox system status or fire up my console to see if things got fixed but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s still broken.  And, yes, I am very glad and happy that I can still play the original Xbox version that has my world very much intact and functioning properly.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What’s Really Going On Here?

Not too long after Cityman kicked off a great discussion between us about straight guys who are interested in cock, he turns right around and sends me a link to a two-year old Reddit post where a guy asks – and I’m paraphrasing a little here – what is it with men in their forties and turning to having sex with men?  Some of the comments that weren’t of the “I don’t know” variety pointed to things generational and guys growing up in the 1980s and 1990s being taught that they could be and/or do anything if they put their minds to it, work hard, etc., and sexual attitudes were once again starting to loosen up after an explosive beginning back when the sexual revolution took everyone by storm and with the motto, “If it feels good, do it!”

The posting sparked another great conversation about whether or not this is really a generational or evolutionary kind of thing and, admittedly, I have the advantage of being into this before the 1980s arrived and had seen (and often first hand) where middle-aged guys “suddenly” developed an interest in having sex with other men or, in a lot of cases, they’re thinking about making a return to something they were doing before adulthood landed on them so now something they may have dismissed as youthful experimentation now takes on a very different meaning along with an inexplicable sense of urgency.  For the men who somehow managed not to get caught up in any experimentation, they’re often shocked to have gotten to their late thirties/early forties and after x-amount of time chasing (and catching) women and getting married, now they’re wondering what the hell is going on with them and this urge to find out what it’s like to play with a dick in some way.

Today, I get to interact with some of these guys on the bi forum and this “mid-life crisis” is usually a hot topic of discussion and it all sounds familiar to me because these guys are finding out what guys in past generations also discovered; of course, this is something new to them – well, those guys who never fooled around in their younger days – but there are a lot of guys who did fool around, stepped away from it to take up their manly duties but are now a bit baffled as to why a childhood dalliance has returned to haunt their thoughts and having their underwear stretched out of shape due to the constant erections they have… and wondering why this has returned with a vengeance.

I’m no expert by any means but even I noticed this way back in the day and wondered about it – I still wonder about it and because I’ve yet to find a definitive answer although I am aware of things that can happen in a man’s life that can trigger an entry into the world of man-sex or, again, a reentry and many of them are what I’d call social pressures from being unsuccessful with women, being stressed, depressed, frustrated and even wondering whether or not chasing women and screwing them is all there is to sex or, as I like to quote a guy who I talked to about this years ago, “Shit, I’ve done everything you can do with a woman so this is the next thing to try!”  And, yes, one can justifiably blame it on the alcohol and other intoxicants that are known to remove inhibitions.

Part of our discussion yesterday had to do with the conversation we had the other day, the premise that all men have homosexual tendencies.  Now, some folks like to leave that statement right there and cause a great many men to rise up (and not in an exciting way) and protest such a blanketed statement and to profess that they don’t have a homosexual bone in their bodies.  What’s more of an accurate statement is that the potential is there; it’s encoded into us over human evolution and I like to think in the way that famous science experiment done with flatworms work (but not as gruesome):  You take a flatworm and teach it to do something and once it has it down pat, you cut it up and feed it to other flatworms… who can now do the trick the original flatworm learned.  We know that somewhere in our evolutionary history, two guys “discovered” having sex with each other and despite what polite society wants to believe, the practice has been ongoing ever since and because it happen so long ago that there aren’t that many written records that have survived, one can reasonably say that dudes doing dudes is a learned behavior and similar to the flatworm experiment so that over the many generations of men, um, we’ve all “learned the trick” even if we never actually do it but even those who study sexual history say that the potential is there and that seems (at the least) plausible because, er, um, homosexuals still exist and bisexuals have existed right along side them.

Whether a guy actually does something along these lines or not is another topic of discussion but I’d point to the fact that boys will be boys and it is well-known that some boys do experiment in this area and while one can point to the onset of puberty and raging hormones as a reason, it seems to me that this huge surge of hormonal activity is, in and of itself, a trigger… but thanks to social conditioning, some guys react immediately and experiment while others avoid going down this path – or it just flat-out passes them over and maybe, just maybe, catches up with them later on… or even not at all.  Still, one of the points I made to Cityman is that this has always happened to middle-aged guys and, again, it can be reasonably assumed that it was happening before I was born so this really isn’t some new behavioral trait being displayed and I concede the fact that social attitudes about sex and specially homosexual sex have been changing over all this time and despite the angst that’s always been in place about such things.

Because there are guys out there right now, with or without prior experience, who wants to find out what it’s like to have some kind of sex with another man.  Thanks to the bi guy forum, I get to read about what’s on the minds of men who fit into this category and while none of this surprises me, what does surprise me isn’t that they want to do something – it’s what they want to experience or experience again that often has me saying to myself, “Wow.”  Yep, the proliferation of porn, thanks to the Internet, has been known to play a role in this and, at least in my opinion, is yet another trigger; in the pre-Internet days, it was other forms of porn like magazines or those infamous “dirty books” many dads would keep hidden from young, impressionable male minds and unsuccessfully so.  I’ve talked to a lot of guys who’ve said that they’ve been watching straight porn with unabashed glee and then find themselves wondering what it would be like to experience what the woman on the screen is experiencing when she sucks dick and gets screwed in her other available holes.  Some guys stumble upon gay porn and for some it’s like coming upon the scene of a bad accident:  You don’t want to look but you can’t keep yourself from looking and some guys look and they get triggered… and now it becomes a matter of what, if anything, happens after that moment and if they’ve decided to act, well, where’s the best place to start?

Some guys who have decided to act just dive right in and do it all the first chance they get but for other guys, it’s like a progression – they start small and graduate from there based on what they’re learning.  A lot of guys start with mutual masturbation – and that’s after they get over any modesty issues they might have being naked in front of another man.  Some guys start here and stay here but it always seemed to me – and having gone through this progression with guys – that it starts with jerking each other off and somewhere along the line the thought of taking the dick in their mouth just seems to be the next logical thing to do; guys have said that they’ve been pulling the other guy’s pud and they suddenly want to find out what his cock will taste and feel like in his mouth and, yeah, even though they know what might happen if they do; some guys have a problem with this, some don’t but that’s a different discussion.  A lot of guys get to the blow job “phase” of the progression and stop there but, yeah, some guys take the next and “final” step and move onto anal sex and either being the one doing the poking or being the one getting poked.

Again, that this happens once a guy gets triggered no longer surprises me but what does is when I see a middle age guy write that even though he’s yet to have sex with another guy, he knows, without any doubt or uncertainty, that his craving for cock will only be satisfied when he can find another guy who will fill his mouth and ass with hard dick and, oh, yeah, some of these guys say that they don’t watch gay porn because, um, you know, that would be horribly embarrassing and all that.  What amazes me is how some guys can know this and more so if they’ve never done this before and, porn aside, wow, just trying to think about this kinda makes my brain lock up and the best I can do with this is to think that once they’ve been triggered, they’ve had time to think about what they want to experience and as some have said, what turns them on the most is to be a bottom and to be taken by a man and in the way a guy would do a woman.  Some guys want to start small and ask how they can find a jerk-off buddy while some guys skip this step and what they want to do is to suck cock – and I’m talking about the guys with no prior experience.  One of the forum’s recurring topics comes from those middle-aged guys who now have an irresistible urge to blow another guy and taste his spunk… and many don’t care if the favor gets returned or not and some of those middle-aged guys are not fans of being sucked.

Are you scratching your head?  Yeah, so am I and that’s despite my having seen guys go through this and it all still makes me wonder if is “just” ongoing evolutionary process, a lessening of social angst, or even a bit of both.  I even suggested to Cityman (and not for the first time) that all he had to do was to look at his own initiation into this kind of sex to get an idea of how a guy can get triggered “late in life,” as well as examples of what could have triggered him and, then, how easily albeit nervously, he had his first encounter with a guy.  I like to yank his chain a little and ask him if he noticed that when he sucked the other guy’s cock, how natural the idea was and, for added chain-yanking, how he seemed to know exactly how to do something that he never did before that moment and, oh, yeah, he did it without even thinking about it.  I mean, I see lots of guys on the forum (and have talked to many more in the past) and I noticed that while a scant few of them want to know how to suck cock, ah, many of them want to know what it will be like for them more than wondering how to actually go about doing it… and there’s a reason for that and, methinks, beyond which can be reasonably assumed and unless proven otherwise, there must be some evolutionary thing at work here and perhaps alongside of the obvious; they’ve had women suck them so they’ve seen it done so how to do it isn’t really the question… but it doesn’t explain the many guys who have never had a blow job, does it?  Well, porn would be an acceptable answer if a guy watched it… and not all guys do (despite popular belief) so maybe it’s just a matter of they know that it can be done and they just take it from there.

What’s really going on here?  At best I have an idea based on what I’ve observed and experienced and I know and accept that I could be wrong.  I’ve seen articles that try to explain this and some tend to point at things that, frankly, doesn’t jive with my experiences and observations and often just flat-out doesn’t make a lot of sense to me which, really, only speaks to the fact that scientifically, we really don’t know why this happens with some men later in life (post-puberty).  I think it’s a good thing that we’re trying to get a handle on this, which speaks to the lessening of the social angst and more so when there are a lot of men (in particular) who are experiencing this and they need answers, not about what to do but why this is happening to them now… or they need to revisit things they gave up on so long ago.

Does life’s many pressure points push people to being bisexual… or is there something primal that resides in all of us that just lies dormant until activated in some way?  Some guys get triggered… and do nothing except maybe wonder where this came from so despite what the biphobia crowd likes to think, this isn’t always a matter of thinking and doing being the same thing… but, yeah, some guys do think and eventually do.  Oh, and if you’re wondering if women go through this kind of thing, it’s a good question and one that I don’t have an answer to other than some women have told me that they’ve wondered about it but remain mum about whether they actually checked it out or not but, ah, just because they don’t (or won’t) talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen with them as well.

Why bother talking about stuff like this?  It’s because people tend to pay more attention to what a bisexual may or may not be doing and not so much why they’re doing… or just thinking about doing.  Perhaps it’s just my opinion but paying attention to what bisexuals do doesn’t really tell the whole story and that’s even if anyone cares to know the why of this.  But for bisexuals, both active and those who are itching to be active, this can be helpful information for them when they’re sitting around and wondering why they have such a strong urge to play with a dick in some way when, to their knowledge, they’ve had no inclination before.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Wishful Thinking?

From time to time, my Padawan learner, Cityman, will share articles from Queerty (http://www.queerty.com) that tends to spark some interesting conversation between us.  For those of you who have never heard of this site (and I hadn’t until Cityman told me about it), it seems to be a pro-gay man site that has overtones of a great interest in making or convincing straight men to be homosexual men, often featuring articles written by SMEs – subject matter experts – who illustrate some stuff that, at a high level, is rather well-known like all men have homosexual tendencies (yeah, it’s true and was proven way before I was even born)… but because many straight guys do not act on this potential, well, Queerty likes to state that heterosexual men should stop faking the funk and give in to their gayness.

If you’re now having a good laugh at this, join the party; I’ve read some shit on this site that I find to be patently ridiculous at times, overstating the obvious at others, and chock full of wishful thinking but what’s even more eye-rolling is reading the comments posted for any given article, which are pro-gay, usually anti-bi, and when I read them, shit, I can hear fingers snapping, heads bobbing back and forth, and eyes rolling as the commenting membership there offers up their opinions that are usually around the theme as mentioned at the end of my last paragraph:  Stop being in denial, admit that you want to be gay, and start giving up the dick and ass like you know you want to.

The last couple of articles Cityman presented me with talked about how the bro job (y’all remember this one, don’t you?) has transformed into something being called “dude sex” and how guys in rural America who are straight and married with children have embraced the concept of the bro job eagerly while maintaining that they’re still heterosexual.  In the article about the guys in rural America, the author postulated that these men can engage in bro jobs (or even dude sex, whatever the fuck that really means) with a clear conscious because there’s no sexual attraction happening between them and their equally straight and married partners; it’s just two guys helping each other out whenever the situation calls for some help, from being bored silly to being lonely and in need of companionship.

The transformation of the bro job to dude sex, well, I admit that this one mystified me because even though I’ve always known that the bro job exists, I also know that whatever happens isn’t always merely a blow job; it’s not unusual for a bro job to start with a blow job and end with backsides being penetrated and with or without intent.  I got the impression that the author of this particular piece was trying to convince readers that a bro job is specifically one thing… but because there seems to be some “evidence” that it doesn’t stop there, this dude sex thing is a new kind of critter…

Which it isn’t and, again, never was but Queerty tends to put such a spin on such articles to once again confirm their agenda and “belief” that straight men – and men this site seems to be fixated on – are really more gay than they’re willing to admit.  Do some straight guys engage in bro job activities?  Yes.  Do they do more than suck each other off?  Yes.  Is it often a matter of convenience?  Yes.  Does any of this mean that these guys are as straight as they say they are?  Um, no; even I’d only say that if they only did the bro job thing once but if they keep doing it when the opportunity presents itself, sorry my man – you’re not as straight as you want to believe.  But does this mean that any of these guys are really and truly gay… or they want to be gay?

Oh, fuck no!

Now, the part about the lack of sexual attraction lending itself to the statement that guys who engage in this are still straight had me laughing because I know – even if it’s not believed – that sex between men can happen with or without sexual attraction and if there is an attraction, it’s to the sex itself and not so much to the person.  Sure, if the two guys know each other, are deemed to be safe and can keep the secret, dicks will get sucked and sexual attraction be damned.  Indeed, I see lots of guys on the bi forum site who confess and profess that they just do not feel sexually attracted to men… but the thought of playing with a dick in some way is overwhelmingly powerful and, oh, yeah, some of these guys say they believe they’re bi and some usually start their post out with a statement about being a straight dude.  On the site, some members denounce the lack of sexual attraction thing as if such a thing isn’t possible… but this is that difference between how someone thinks shit should work and how it can really work.  And the dudes that comment on Queerty seem to be just as guilty when it comes to this notion; one guy commented that some sexual attraction had to be in place because it doesn’t make sense to have sex with someone you’re not attracted to.

To me, this guy doesn’t know as much about humans as he thinks he does and kinda/sorta doesn’t know shit about how men, in particular, can behave when they wanna get their rocks off.  One guy commented with a saying often heard in reference to the US Navy – “Any port in a storm…” which is a more accurate statement and speaks to the opportunistic nature of men:  If we can have sex and we need to have it badly enough, anyone who says yes will serve the purpose and if there’s no sexual attraction to the “target,” eh, no big deal because the focus is solely on getting their nuts emptied and by any means necessary.

What I’ve yet to deduce is why this site seems to be hell-bent on converting straight men into gay men and along the way dismissing male bisexuality.  To me, it’s a lot of wishful thinking on the site’s part as well as the responding membership. I get that wanting a chance to seduce a straight guy into some sex is damned attractive and along the lines of how some guys just drool all over themselves at the thought that they might be getting ready to screw a virgin.  To dedicate a website to the unseemly notion that all straight men want to and should be homosexual says some things that, honestly, no one should take seriously so if nothing else, what’s written on this site and the resulting comments tend to be entertaining while speaking to a very narrow view of human sexuality, i.e., being homosexual is the only way for anyone to be and any straight guy who resist this “fact of life” is in need of a very serious attitude adjustment and the sooner, the better.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Three the Hard Way

One of the topics that seems to experience bursts of activity is one about MMM encounters and the number of men wanting to have this experience doesn’t surprise me as much as I have a sense that they might not know or understand that as wonderful as this can sound, um, sometimes it isn’t.

If you think that getting two guys together for sex and be… interesting, adding another guy (or more) gets really interesting and more so when some acts of group sex are kinda scripted, even in an individual’s mind as they think about what they want to experience and, often, what they’re not gonna do.  Now, I’d never say that getting together with a couple of your best buds and spending time making each other cum isn’t a fun thing to do because it is… as long as everyone is in the same page about how the nut busting is gonna take shape.  If you’re not into anal sex but one or more of the guys with you are eager to fill your butt, eh, he’s not gonna disrespect your wishes… but it might be in your head that, in the heat of the moment, he might try to bone you and if you’re worried about this, chances are you’re not paying much attention to anything else going on.

Likewise, of sucking cock – or being sucked – isn’t you’re thing to do, ya might find yourself sitting on the sidelines and doing some mood killing spectating while dicks are being happily devoured… and you’re left sitting there stroking your ever-shrinking dick.  Or, if there’s a lot of kissing and cuddling going on and that’s not your cup of tea, well, things might not be as much fun as you hoped.

One of the things I thought about, as I read the new comments, is the notion that seems to suggest that three dedicated bottoms getting together to have a threesome isn’t going to work any more than three tops going for the same thing so in order for a MMM to be successful – at least in theory – is to include guys who are the opposite of your preferred role or, at the very best,  everyone involved is more of a versatile leaning.

You can, if you choose to, believe me when I tell you that nothing will trash a MMM threesome faster than finding yourself lying between a guy’s legs and doing what you wanted to do – sucking the life out of his dick – only to suddenly find that your back door is being invaded and, um, you’d rather not experience that or, really, anything that’s not on your list of things to do.

It’s probably just my opinion that some guys are paying attention to what they want to do and not so much attention to what could happen in the heat of the moment… and, yeah, unexpected shit can happen even though most people are of the mind that it’s not supposed to.  Ah, I could spent quite a bit of time sharing horror stories with you of how every MMM I’ve ever been a part of went straight to hell and all because someone failed to expect the unexpected.

I know what you might be thinking.  You’re thinking that if the terms of the MMM have been laid out and agreed to, then all parties are expected and required to abide by them at all times… and I’m the guy who’ll tell you that it doesn’t always happen like that and that this just a concern you have about the other participants…

Because if you’re not prepared to surprise yourself and find yourself doing something you previously said you weren’t gonna do, I can’t say whether or not you’d be pleasantly surprised or not and more so if you believe that you’re not capable of such a thing. Like, there was this impromptu MMM that happened and one of the guys said that he wanted to join in but he didn’t suck cock and wasn’t going to but he’d watch me and the third guy do it.  Okay, no big deal, homie – it’s your loss and all that.

Well, the cock sucking was getting very deep and the guy trying to suck the black off of me suddenly stopped and blurted out, “What the hell?”  I looked up and the guy who said he didn’t suck cock was sucking it like his life depended on it… but that’s not what broke the party up – that happened when this cock sucking newbie was warned that an explosion was imminent (several times) and he didn’t stop sucking and, well, you know what happened, right?

The newbie killed the whole thing because he got very pissed off, not because he got a mouthful of cum but – and get this – we “made him” do something he said he’d never do and, yeah, he even got it into his head that this was a fighting offense.  You’re probably laughing about this or maybe doubting that such a thing happened but it did and it was funny – at least to me – and while he was ranting and raving over what we “made” him do, I asked a questions:  “What, you didn’t think that such a thing was possible to happen?”

Apparently, he didn’t and that’s exactly why when someone says that doing a MMM sounds like a good idea, well, I say that you’d best be prepared for anything to happen and despite any prior agreements.  I cannot stress enough that, yes, agreements can and do be abided by and things go well… just don’t kid yourself into believing that shit doesn’t, can’t, and won’t happen.  Oh, and if you’re wondering if I mentioned this to the MMM fantasizers, um, no – I didn’t.

Because while forewarned is forearmed, sometimes you do have to find out what it will be like for yourself…