The conversation about the influx and glut of bottoms continues unabated on the forum and, sorry, there’s no simple explanation for it other than the one I just now thought of.
Back in the day, there was no internet. Then the WWW came to be along with bulletin boards, IRC/IIRC chat rooms, and then online forums, places where men looking to (a) have sex with men or (b) talk about it or (c) share their experiences. From there, gay “dating” sites emerged and with the advent of mobile apps, there is a tremendous amount of exposure of bisexual men who are able to do a, b, and c and especially being able to talk to other bi men about their deepest sexual desires.
And a lot of these guys are bottoms. Either by choice or even as a “process of elimination” and being “relegated” into the role due to self-esteem and/or physical issues, both real and perceived. Being a bottom pretty much means that whatever a woman would have to do during sex, that’s what a bottom is expected to do, from sucking dick to being fucked and, well, those two things – if not the context implied – are so exciting and exhilarating that I’ve never found it to be unusual that a guy would find that this is the way they best enjoy sex with men and it’s not just exclusive to bisexual men.
Like bisexuality, being a bottom is not just a thing to do – it’s a way to be – and when a guy find that he doesn’t just have women and pussy on the brain and now there’s dicks and male asses in his thoughts, a guy has the choice to go with those thoughts and feelings or leave them alone but when they choose to act, most guys have to find what works best for them and provided they haven’t already made up their mind about which role they’re going to be in.
Bisexuality… opens one’s mind, not only as far as the possibilities for sex are concerned but it also unlocks the doors to one’s deepest and most secret desires and, for a lot of guys, things that they’d never tell anyone and, yes, one of those things can be exulting in being on one’s knees and sucking a man’s cock to completion and/or being stretched and filled with a hard dick and just enjoying the sheer “nastiness” of where the dick is and being filled to overflowing with another man’s cum.
One of today’s comments asked the question of whether it was easier to be a top than a bottom and, hmm, I’ll admit having never considered the question because, to me, they’re both easy… but, um, yeah, that’s my bias speaking up. Once you get used to it, it’s not “that big of a deal” in that sense but, of course, one has to get used to it first. Like, back in the day, if a guy just dry-humped you, it felt wonderfully weird and it would either freak a guy out – because boys shouldn’t do that – or, well, ya just got used to it. Transitioning from what we call frotting today to actually being fucked is, again, one of those things that’ll either freak a guy out and make him tap out or, yeah, it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.
When you combine this with being “insane” about sucking dicks, well, for a lot of guys, does it get any better than this? The fact that they could be, in today’s parlance, the top isn’t unknown to them but very well could be under the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fuck with it” rule. You know that there’s always a guy who wouldn’t mind letting another dude suck his dick and a guy who wouldn’t think twice about fucking a guy in the ass and, like one member accurately said yesterday, back in the day, there were more tops than bottoms so that made bottoms a much sought-after commodity as well as any guy who didn’t mind being fucked… as long as they could return the favor.
It is just… personally satisfying to be in service to a man in this way. The one gay kid in our Band of Horny Brothers was 100% a bottom and he lived to suck our dicks and to take them in his ass and while a lot of us had no qualms about accommodating him in these things, some of us were just weirded out about (a) him being gay and (2) how amazingly eager he was to, well, service us and those who were so weirded out was worried about our friend’s gayness being contagious.
When I’ve been asked why in the world would I even want to have sex with a guy – sucking them off or being fucked by them – I’ve often given the simplest answer my mind can come up with: It really does feel good and not just physically. It feels good… deep down inside somewhere and in that place where such thoughts and feelings are more ethereal and ephemeral than tangible. I can’t really tell you why, but I know why. Now, I was the guy who’d suck your dick and take your dick in my ass… and turn right around and do the same things to you but at some point in the evolution, a lot of guys settled into their niche; they were either tops or they were bottoms because how they got there mattered but not as much as being able to find what worked the best for them in this most forbidden thing.
You toss in what one can see in porn and, yeah, a guy can watch a dude fucking a woman in the ass and it’s either something he’d never do because, well, you know why or it’s something he’d want to do… or wonder what it’s like to be fucked and something puts stuff together and comes back with this: If you really want to know, there’s only one way to find out. Over my whole life, I’ve had so many guys ask me what it’s like to suck a guy off and to be fucked and I’ve been able to tell them what I can about it but, yeah, if you really want to know…
Indeed, a lot of the guys who came to me for their first time wanted to be fucked and some were like, “Let’s just skip over the sucking dick thing and get right to you sticking your dick in my ass, okay?” – and these were guys who had never had any sex with a guy before. Why was this the first thing they wanted to experience? Either they wanted to know what it was like, or some things came together in their head that said if they were gonna do it with a guy, being fucked is the thing for them to do. What made them think this way? That’s the part I don’t know and can’t even start to really answer but those who could tell me often said that it was the “right” thing for them to do and some even said that they didn’t think that they could fuck a guy.
There is something… deliciously nasty about having a man in your ass… and when you know he has no business being there. Some guys can’t handle that feeling – like how my protege talked to me about how bitchy and girly he felt when he’d get fucked – and some guys, wow, they not only handle it but they handle it and I’ve learned that the human mind is beyond amazing because it’s so… flexible that it can “decide” that, yes – if you’re going to have sex with a guy, your role is to be the girl in this. Sucking dicks and being fucked. You could be the guy in this deal but, eh, that’s not what really works for you all that much and, like I may have mentioned yesterday, being a bottom is a much-needed respite from always being the top when it comes to sex with women.
A guy can watch “gay” porn and see guys getting reamed out (with huge dicks) and something in his head says, “Yeah – you want to be the guy on the bottom!” I’ve had guys who are bottoms tell me this and, well, okay, um, if that’s what you decided… and I’ll be damned if I know or understand how you decided this but, okay.
Back to which thing is easier for a moment. When you’re the guy “doing the fucking,” there’s a lot of pressure to perform on you and, well, sorry ladies, but any guy who’s had sex with women knows about this but, when you’re the guy being fucked, there’s no real pressure to perform other than giving homey’s prick a very good sucking before he slides it in you. Some guys become bottoms because… they can’t be tops; they’re not all that confident that they could please a man and there’s a weird kind of “logic” that may suggest that if you have “problems” pleasing women, those problems will carry over to trying to please a guy when fucking him… so let’s be the guy being fucked and if we’re gonna be that guy, let’s really be that guy and in that all or nothing way.
In this context, it’s easier being a bottom than it is being a top. Some guys just can’t and now I’m talking about that “weird” thing that happens when a guy is good and hard and ready to get in there and the moment he even tries to get his dick between them cheeks, his erection just vanishes and he might even experience some very major shrinkage. Why? Because there’s that thing in one’s head that says, “That hole is one-way and off-limits and you will not do this!” There is a great sense of revulsion that even I learned can make you feel… seriously dirty and filthy and having a need to barf and for a lot of guys, well, there’s a way to avoid this very ugly feeling and still have sex with a guy: Let him be the one to deal with this feeling. It’s not that feeling a dick worming its way in there for the first time doesn’t come with its own issues but some guys just find or even know that it’s easier to be fucked than it is to fuck.
For those of us who are, ah, familiar, yeah – “being the girl” ain’t all that bad, well, until some guy makes it bad but that’s just an occupational hazard. And it’s just a thing that for some of us, this is the role to be in because it’s the one that gives and provides the greatest amount of pleasure, gratification, and satisfaction and, as such, there’s no need or reason to be any other way about it. Indeed, a lot of bottoms today say that it is their purpose in life to be a bottom and to even be submissive to a man. Suck his dick to give him all the pleasure that can afford; entice him to cum in your mouth or to paint your face with it and if he wants to “breed” you, does it get any better than that?
Some bottoms are so much into being bottoms that they refer to their ass as a pussy and that should tell you something about how some guys seriously embrace their feminine side and it’s also something they can’t do when having sex with women although when you’re a bottom, you do learn some shit about having sex with women.
Growing up and into bisexuality as I did, yeah – when it was my time to “be the girl,” man, was that a lot of fun! To have a guy on top of me and feeling his dick moving in and out of me would often feel so good that I’d zone out and relish the “nasty” feelings and waiting for him to cum in me. Feeling his dick twitching and pumping his load into me is a seriously delicious feeling and, yeah, it makes me feel girly and bitchy because I know what that pumping means given how I was very eager to do that very same thing to girls. You… find out what it’s like to be a girl and some guys, well, some guys seriously like it and more than anything else.
You get into sex with men and you’re either a top, a bottom, or it doesn’t matter which role you’re in as long as you’re getting laid since, being versatile, you can top and bottom and as situations call for. It’s just that a lot of guys “start out” being versatile but will eventually learn which role just works the best for them. Back in the day, there were tops galore and too many of them and today, bottoms rule the roost, it seems and as far as they’re concerned, there aren’t any or enough tops out there for them to be of service to.
Bottoming is an act and a mindset. Any guy can bottom if he wants to (or he’s not afraid to) but there have always been guys for which this is the only way it’s supposed to be for them. Either they learn this by doing or they set their mind to this and there’s that internal agreement that, yes – I’m going to be a bottom and in every way that means… and a lot of guys see being a bottom as a very submissive way to be. Once a guy chooses a role – and no matter how that choice came about – he’s not very likely to change things unless he has a damned good reason to and, yeah, we’re of a mind that once you pick one of these “sides,” there’s no going back or changing sides… which gets hilarious to me because I know tops that will bottom because, well, why not?
As I said yesterday, it has to be with the right guy, in the right moment, and in the right situation but, yeah, tops can bottom just like bottoms can top under this same “logic.” Guys like Cityman say that it’s not something they’d do all of the time and therein lies the difference because the guys I say are “total bottoms” do this all of the time and as a matter of course… because this is what works for them. I just laugh because it “fucks” Cityman up to understand that there are times when he wants to bottom and not doing it makes him feel like he missed something and, yeah, he does get miffed when he wants to bottom but, oh, no – he’s with a total bottom who could fuck him but that means deviating from their chosen role and that bullshit that bottoms do not ever top and they’re not supposed to.
Which, in reality, is in direct defiance of what seriously appears to be plain old human nature. Even Cityman speaks to being… baffled at how normal it feels to be fucked and, our favorite word in this, inseminated. It’s… nasty. Gritty. “Being the girl” while still being very much in touch with your masculinity… but this whole thing gets fucked up because humans are good at fucking shit up and making them more complicated than is necessary and especially where sex and sexuality are concerned.
You either don’t like or want any part of “being the girl” or you like the ever-loving shit out of it and to not “be the girl” is… unthinkable. If it ain’t broke… and for many men, it’s not going to break any time soon if at all. Just a thing to occasionally do, you know, when ya feel like it… or it’s the only way you will have sex with a man. Period. Non-negotiable. Like I said yesterday, my very gay boyfriend made me insane being the way he was and I learned some important shit about why he was and seeing in other men that you don’t have to be gay to be a total bottom. I’ve been with a few guys who couldn’t suck my dick… but they didn’t mind having it in them one bit and in lieu of not being able to suck dick (and even when they really wanted to) and… that’s just the way they were.
You find the role that works the best for you and for a lot of very masculine men, it’s being a bottom. Being more than willing to submit and subject themselves to a man’s lust. It, by no means, means that they’re really gay even if it looks like it; it’s just that they don’t have a problem with something that a whole lot of men seriously have a problem with… and they just fucking own it… and why shouldn’t they? It’s never a thing of lacking masculinity but “just a way” that bottoms enjoy sex with other men. It doesn’t mean that if they’re having sex with women, they can’t get the job done because they can – women, eh, they might have different thoughts about this but, again, occupational hazard and you really can’t please everyone and no matter how hard you try to.
But if the way you can please a lot of men is to “be the girl” for them, yeah… that just works. It doesn’t surprise me that a lot of bottoms speak to being submissive as the attractive factor and that they get their pleasure only from giving it – and this school of thought generates some interesting conversations on the forum about whether or not being a bottom “demands” submissiveness. They speak to wanting to be… dominated, for a guy to just take them and in whatever way strikes his fancy and it’s their job as bottoms to encourage the top to – wait for it – “fuck me like the bitch I am!” For some, just sucking a top’s dick isn’t enough; no, the top has to use a bottom’s mouth like he’s going to use the bottom’s ass and, whew, man, is that getting deeply into being a bottom or what?
We have to use… restraint when having sex with women and there’s always been the perception that we don’t have to be that way when having sex with each other… which really isn’t true, but the perception is what it’s always been. It’s being insisted that only “real men” can bottom and there are a lot of tops out there who are of a mind that if you won’t bottom or you’re not one, well, what kind of man are you really? I’d readily agree that it takes some manly guts to lie down and let another guy pound the shit out of your rectum until he cums or pulls out to do that… and most of the bottoms I know – and guys who can bottom – tend to get seriously pissed when they get fucked and the guy doesn’t cum in them or at all (and, yes, I’m one of them).
Some bottoms suck dick only as a prelude to having it in them and if that sounds familiar, well, it should. It just – and again – cracks me up to have been around when women insisted and demanded that we get in touch with our feminine side… and getting “stuck on stupid” when so many of us took this advice literally and with a great deal of personal glee and even more so when the guys who did this weren’t and aren’t gay… but they are/were bisexual. They found the best way to let their inner girl out to play. Get on your knees and suck a guy’s cock until he’s crying out for his mama and Jesus to save him? Can it get better that? Sure, it can… and when that guy lubes everything up and slides that nice hard dick in that most forbidden place and… makes it nice and messy.
Why bother with doing it to a guy when it’s so much better to have a guy to it all to you? Tops are tops… because that’s the role they feel works the best for them and bottoms are like this, too. Lots of very devilish details involved either way and some of them are pretty “silly” like some tops believing that it’s not their job to suck dick or believing that it’s not “manly” for them to do this and, besides – that’s what bottoms are for, right?
Well, yeah, a lot of bottoms not only agree with this but are 100% on board with it. It’s the way it’s always been but the Internet has made it possible for a lot of bottoms to be very visible and now, for them, it’s all about finding the guy who will top them the way they want to be topped… and therein lies the problem for a lot of bottoms and because there are “so many” bottoms, tops are… overwhelmed. Really hard to find that “right” guy to top when there are “way too many bottoms” to have to sort through and then, as I mentioned yesterday, preferences don’t match up all that much. Like those bottoms who prefer huge dicks and that DQ’s all of the tops who aren’t so endowed. Uh-oh.
There are a whole lot of bottoms – and of any age – because, um, there’s always been a whole lot of bottoms and maybe this whole thing has an ebb and flow to it because at any time, there are either too many tops and not enough bottoms or too many bottoms and not enough tops. And being versatile, while nice, um, really dude? Why can’t you be one or the other and like everyone else is?
That’s a major scribble for yet another time but it does shine some light on how men think about being bisexual. Men or women, top or bottom is the usual mindset which is also why I scoff at the notion that people aren’t supposed to be binary when, in this, there’s no escaping it because it’s the way our minds tend to work. Yes or no. Off or on. This side or that side and then picking a side within a side. And it all makes sense – at least to me – that there are men who picks the side of being all bottom, all of the time.
Because it works for them and there are a great many men for which this really works for and today, you can see them easily enough by opening an app and, if you’re a bottom, finding the top that meets or exceeds your preferences as a bottom… and bottoms are saying that tops are scarce and tops are asking, “Where did all these bottoms come from?”
Cityman and I have the most interesting conversations about this one… and so do the guys on the forum.