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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Much-dreaded Hookup

Okay, so you’ve seen the title of this scribble… and I’m wondering if a cold chill just ran down your spine or you’re squirming in your seat or even thinking that if you could avoid a hookup for sex (aka the booty call), that would be a good thing; maybe the title invokes the memory of your last hookup (if you had one in the last decade or so) and whether or not it was enjoyable or not.

There’s a perception about bisexuals that says – to be blunt – we’ll fuck anything that’s human, moving, and above ambient temperature.  There’s some truth to this where bi guys are concerned because, duh, we have sex on the brain and the hunt for a like-minded guy becomes rather important.  That perception says that we’re indiscriminate and, again, there’s some truth to this but you might be surprised at how many bi guys are not fans of casual sex; oh, it’s not as if they aren’t eager to get their freak on in this regard but, here lately, more guys seem to be holding out for at least a FWB deal or something a bit more than that.  Guys are talking about dating other guys and they’re also talking about not giving up the booty or the dick on the first date; they’re also talking about passing up on guys who aren’t interested in more meaningful sex or if you’re all about the much-dreaded hookup, well, you can keep on moving.

It’s not wrong for someone to want what they want and in the way they want it… but something keeps sticking in my head about this, namely, something I read several months ago that said women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship; when you think about this, well, that makes some sense – at least I thought it did.  If we can take this as a sort of truism, guys hooking up with other guys for sex serves two purposes:  The first and most obvious one is sex but one never knows when a relationship might happen because of a hookup.  What I see are guys who are passing up on the much-dreaded hookup so they can put getting into a relationship first and whatever sex becomes a secondary concern.   Again, nothing wrong with this… except you’re dealing with men and, basically and generally speaking, we don’t operate like that.  Oh, it’s not that some of us don’t want a relationship kind of thing with another guy but to be a bit crude, you gotta bring ass to get ass or, to be more polite – and to swipe something I heard said years ago (in reference to the Powerball lottery), “If you don’t play, you can’t win…”

Guys who aren’t fans of casual sex have a problem:  If they don’t get out there and, um, interview guys – and that usually means having sex with them because, well, you know how we are about that, then they’ll never know if the next guy who comes along will be Mr. Right… or merely Mr. Right Now.  Sure, guys put themselves out there, hitting the various sources that are available these days but the other problem they run into is that many of the men who may contact them can be more Mr. Right Now than Mr. Right and, duh, that’s because a lot of guys who are about M2M stuff aren’t in the least bit interested in getting involved in anything that remotely resembles a romantic situation.  So more often than not, the guys looking for Mr. Right wind up being very frustrated and some kinda/sorta “give up” engaging in this, um, interview process because in their minds, sex without a connection other than lust doesn’t mean a whole lot.

When I hear guys talking about this and how they’d prefer to avoid the much-dreaded hookup, jeez, the things they say prompts me to remind them of something that, perhaps, they’re not paying much attention to, i.e., you’re dealing with other men and, going back to that thing I mentioned, we look for sex and find a relationship.  One of the things that has made M2M so attractive is that a lot of the “mushy stuff” gets bypassed… or, let’s just cut to the chase, get naked, get our dicks hard, and handle this business… and whatever happens after that, well, we’ll deal with it then.  Despite the perception, yeah, sure, most guys aren’t gonna just hit the sack with just anyone – there is some due diligence that must be taken care of even if for the sake of one’s safety.  But the guys who have an aversion to the much-dreaded hookup take this to the next level by insisting that some kind of being into that doesn’t have shit to do with having sex be on the table first and foremost.  It’s not that they won’t meet with a guy, you know, to eyeball him and see if he matches his online description but they also hold tightly to the rule that you just do not have sex with someone you’re meeting for the first time…even if the urge to have sex is practically eating you alive.

Guys who fall into this category will stick to their principles in this while wondering why it’s so hard for them to get the cock they want.  It’s not as if they don’t know that the easiest way to get the cock they want is to “hook up” with a guy and have sex with him because they do know this… they just don’t wanna “cheapen” themselves and I’m gonna say this without any offense meant to anyone reading this but sometimes these guys act like women tend to behave in this and they act as if the guys they’re after are, themselves women.  Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this… but I do find it very curious and more so when more and more guys are complaining that they’re not getting the dick they want because they can’t find Mr. Right.

Don’t get me wrong:  Finding a Mr. Right does make quite a bit of sense but traditional dating habits aren’t always gonna work toward this goal… because your target audience is male and, once again, males who are more interested in sex than anything more binding than that… although, if the stars and planets do happen to line up the right way after some sex has jumped off, well, okay, this is something that can be worked on  – and the key phrase here is “worked on.”  Relationships of any kind do not tend to happen all by themselves even though we – and this means [generally] most people – are looking for that chemistry or click right off the bat and not considering that even attempting to establish a relationship of any kind takes some work… and, I guess it’s sad to say, when this is between guys, that just might include some sex as a prelude to anything more than some mutual nut-busting.  Still, it seems to me that if you aren’t willing to get out there and interview for Mr. Right – and that includes some pipe cleaning – then you may find yourself sitting and waiting while having none of your needs in this taken care of.

That old saying about breaking eggs to make an omelet comes to mind at this point.  I dunno… the angst toward casual sex is deeply ingrained in us and to the point where those folks who are not adverse to casual sex are looked at as if there’s something wrong with them; you know who I’m talking about – the women people call sluts and the guys who are tagged as being dogs and both are – and have historically been – looked at in some very unkind ways because, you also know, fornication – that’s sex without being married – is considered to be a sin in almost every culture on the planet.  There’s a reason why the phrase “living in sin” exists after all.

It seems to me that if a guy is looking for some kind of “being into” relationship with another guy, it becomes a question of what he’s willing to do in order to make this happen, thus, if “Pete” isn’t willing to suck a few cocks to find the guy he can be with on a more, um, intimate basis, what does our hypothetical guy think isn’t going to happen?  I’m reminded of a part of an old song that says, “You gotta use what you got to get what you want (or something like that – close enough for government work)” and as I recall, the song was about women stepping to the plate and doing whatever they gotta do in order to accomplish their goals.  The bi guys who find themselves sitting and waiting for Mr. Right tend to find themselves on the outside looking in because they “refuse” to use what they have to get what they want.  They say that casual sex is meaningless and empty and that’s because it’s what we’ve been made to believe in… but what does this really mean?  Are they saying that sex, in and of itself, has zero meaning without a relationship being a part of the deal and if so, how the hell is that possible when we also know that having sex tends to feel pretty damned good… and feeling good does, in fact, mean something?

Over and over, I’m not ever gonna say that waiting for Mr. Right to come along is a bad thing; I’m just gonna say that if a guy has that very serious itch that can only be scratched by a hard cock, sitting and waiting isn’t going to scratch that itch; in fact, the itch just gets worse the longer it goes unattended.  What puzzles me is that it’s not like the guys looking for a relationship kind of thing doesn’t know this – it’s why they don’t adjust their game plan so that, at the very least, their itch gets some attention or, like I said to a guy on the bi guy forum, if at the very least you get laid, well, isn’t that a good thing and better than not getting laid at all?

Finally, there’s the person you want to be with… and then there’s the person you can be with and in whatever form or context that might be.  It seems to me that if one doesn’t check out the person they can be with, how do they expect to find – or even cultivate – the person they want to be with?  When you hear a lot of guys talking about they haven’t gotten any dick yet (or in a long time) because they’re waiting for the right guy to come along, you get the impression that this right guy is just gonna magically appear out of the blue when, I dunno, maybe it’s common sense that says that you gotta do some work not only to find him but to also lay down the groundwork toward establishing the desired relationship status… and that, sorry to say, might also include the much-dreaded hookup.

Sigh… all of this reminds me that if you believe women are funny about this, guys are even funnier and I don’t mean in a humorous way.  I don’t judge anyone where this is concerned but I’m the guy who’ll ask the questions that, perhaps, no one else will ask.  They say that good things come to those who wait; they also say he who hesitates is lost, if you snooze, you lose, and those who refuse to change will be left behind; it’s said that it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all.  And, oh, yeah, if you keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep you off your feet, you’re not gonna get any dick.  Period.  What you will get, however, is a lot of emotional turmoil that’s not good for one’s blood pressure and/or mental state.

Just sayin’…

 
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Posted by on 3 January 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Hurry Up and Wait

Anyone who’s been in military service should be very familiar with the title of this scribble and how annoying and even silly this can be.  In those situations, it’s like, okay, you’ve told us what you want us to do, how you want us to do it and even how important it is to do this thing so get our shit together because things are about to get very real… after these words from our sponsors… and I mean a lot of them that has made many a serviceman/woman who’s geared up and ready to get the ball rolling wondering why such an air of urgency was put on this thing and here we are, just sitting on our asses, waiting.

Today’s trip to the bi forum had an update to an older thread and one I’ve seen before asking guys – and I’m paraphrasing here – what they would do the first time they get their hands on a dick.  Lots of responses; some guys spoke to what they did do the first time they got their hands on a dick but there were a whole lot of guys who prefaced their response with, “I haven’t done anything with a dick yet – but I want to!” and followed by what they’d like to do.  Every time I see a thread that has a lot of guys saying that they haven’t had a single experience – but would really want to – it always makes me wonder what they’re waiting for if, in fact and truth, they are “in a hurry” to find out what other guys already know, i.e., what it’s like to play with another man’s cock.

Y’all know that it’s a rhetorical question but one that has remained valid over any period of time.  You ask a guy who has expressed and urgent desire to get up close and personal with a cock what he’s waiting for, it’s not as if he’s not gonna be able to answer that particular question and, really, I can’t remember the last time a guy with the urge responded with, “I don’t know what I’m waiting for!”  Some of the usual responses for hurrying up and waiting are they don’t want to get outed, don’t want to catch something nasty and they’re waiting for “the right guy” to fall out of sky and into their laps.  Some guys hit the pause button by saying they want something more than just a hookup for their first time and if there’s some being into in play – and immediately if not sooner – so much the better… but they’d prefer not to be in a relationship.  Some guys have hurried and are now waiting because they’ve conjured up the most ideal situation for their first foray into cock and with the most idea guy – then make it quite clear that both the situations and guys keep failing the sniff test and, I think, in some really nitpicking ways.

I used to work at a motorcycle dealership and the general manager, wow, he was all about making sales and closing the deal and to the point where he sent the entire staff – even the mechanics and administrative staff – to a Dale Carnegie seminar on selling and one of the things that was emphasized was when you’re trying to get someone to buy something, remove as many of their objections to the sale as possible, for instance, if a guy came in and was eyeballing and drooling all over one of the 750F’s on the floor – but said he’d need to talk to his wife first – well, the response should be, “You wanna use my phone to call her?”  The idea was that for every objection, you found a way to get rid of it so that the sale could be completed… and I’ll be damned if it didn’t work as advertised most of the time.

That same process can be used for those guys who are chomping at the bit but are still waiting.  It’s not as simple as trying to get someone to buy a Gold Wing; you’re not likely to get buy-in if the guy says he hasn’t played with a dick yet because his wife won’t let him and you suggest that she be contacted to get her approval but for many of the other reasons a guy gives for being in a hurry up and wait mode, yeah, it can work… but people are funny in that you can do this with them, eliminate many if not all of their objections/resistance, and they will still come up with a reason for why they should continue to hurry up and wait.  I’ve done this with guys at time and after getting rid of their objections and addressing their concerns, they still haven’t gone for the gusto and I used to wonder why until it dawned on me that, um, playing with another guy’s boner is, simply, some very scary shit and on many levels.  A lot of guys do, in fact, recognize that being afraid, logically, doesn’t make sense but fear is an emotional thing… and when emotions meets logic, logic tends to lose in the majority of times.

I’ve gone through this process with guys and have found myself saying, “Well, I don’t know what else to tell you but if it’s something you really want to do, you’ll find a way to do it…”  And, really, it’s not as if they don’t want to find the answer to their questions but it’s one thing to know about cock sucking and something else when you’re looking to be one of the participants.  It’s known that guys do suck each other’s dick but what isn’t known is how a guy is going to react when he’s a few scant seconds from having a guy blow him or, gulp, there’s a dick so close to your face that you could count his pubic hair and the veins standing out on his erection look impossibly large and intimidating.  As far as I know, there’s no one way to overcome this uncertainty other than taking a deep breath and saying to yourself, “Fuck it…” and just let it happen.  This does somehow work for sucking dick… not so much for getting boned in the butt and it’s not all that unusual for a guy about to do some boning to get into position and at the moment they’re about to move in… oops – no more erection.  There’s some serious mental shit going on for this and, of course, the operative word is “shit” for this scenario but, okay, there’s a reason or two why guys tend to work toward this more than going for it the first time out… and why the two most common entry points are the hand job and blow job.

Sometimes guys just sabotage themselves by putting the cart before the horse; they want to suck a dick so very badly… but they’re not even sure they can (1) be that up close and personal with a naked man and (2) be able to even touch the other guy’s cock.  Kinda stands to reason that if you can’t do the first two things, doing the third thing – taking the cock in your mouth – is gonna be a bit difficult to do… but even this rather logical line of thinking can fall apart when one’s emotions start freaking out.  What doesn’t help in this situation is the current school of thought attended by some dudes that if you can’t suck a dick, well, you must not be as manly as you think you are.  I don’t buy into this kind of peer pressure – then again, I also know that a lot of the men who have the nerve to say this have, in fact, never sucked a dick in their lives and never would under any circumstances.

This apprehension gets enhanced because as guys who are tired of waiting peruse the various websites and apps, they run into some of the most rude and uncouth motherfuckers imaginable, dudes who are so pushy and impersonal that the only thing they succeed in doing is making the guy who wants to get into this not want to get into it… and now it’s back to hurry up and wait.  Even when they ignore the assholes, the self-sabotage continues because they’re looking to have that first time with a specific kind of guy and in a specific way and any guy who doesn’t meet such exacting criteria is passed on and ya might not be all that surprised to hear some of the reasons why the deal wasn’t made.  It also doesn’t help that when a guy finds that his wait may be over – but the deal couldn’t be made – and other guys tell him that he’s right to not do anything until he can find and meet the exact, precise guy under the exact and precise conditions.  I’m not saying that guys are wrong for doing this or wanting that first experience in that exacting, precise way… but given the probability of everything lining up perfectly at any given moment, a lot of guys will keep playing hurry up and wait and while wondering why they can’t find someone to end both their curiosity and waiting period.  Yes, finding a guy to put an end to the waiting game is a judgement call and one that’s never easy to make; it’s a trust issue and it’s not always one about trusting the other guy but is about trusting themselves to make the right decision to go or stay put.

The thing is that you won’t know if it’s the right decision until you, at the least, attempt to do whatever it is you wanna do for that first time… and the reason why so many guys are in a hurry up and wait state of existence is that there is no way to know if that decision is the right or wrong one before the fact.  When you look at these things collectively, yeah, they may not make a lot of sense… but it’s pretty damned difficult to make sense out of being uncertain about how something is going to play out so for many guys, it’s better to err on the side of caution and continue to hurry up and wait.  Guys can say, with a high degree of certainty, that they’re sure that once they do it, they’re gonna like/love it… but at the same time, there’s no way to really know this until that moment of truth arrives for them.

The other question outside of, “What is it like?” is, “How do I know I’m gonna like it as much as think I will (or should)?”  Truth is you don’t know – you can’t know – until, again, you actually try to do it.  At least in my opinion, there’s no shame in getting to the moment of truth stopping right there because as I’ve said hundreds of times (or more), that first time is some really scary shit.  Sometimes feeling guilty about trashing the taboo is the culprit but, yeah, that sense of apprehension and uncertainty at the moment of truth can make a guy not be able to proceed and, again and again, there’s no way that I know of to conquer this before it actually presents itself which is also why (and again) in that moment of truth, some guys really do say, “Fuck it…” and just roll the dice and go for it and whatever happens, happens.

My heart goes out to these guys because I understand why they’re in this hurry up and wait state.  There’s nothing worse than wanting to do this and not being able to make it happen other than getting to the moment of truth and discovering that you can’t get past that moment.  You might think that doing it and finding it not to your liking is the worse thing but, no, it isn’t – it’s not fun but it’s not the worse case scenario here; that would be proving to yourself that no matter what you thought, you can’t do it.  It doesn’t help that even though you can talk to guys who’ve been through this and gotten past it, um, just because they were able to overcome all of the obstacles and get it done doesn’t ever mean that you will be able to do the same thing.  Yes, you can, with great conviction, believe that you can get past all the barriers right up to the moment when a guy is lowering his head to your dick or you’re about to take a cock in your mouth – then the shit gets very, very real and since some guys do understand this, they choose to hurry up and wait some more.

If one cannot conquer their fears and are unable to eliminate the objections so that they can do this thing, they will never be able to answer the questions for themselves.  Whatever it is you want to do for that first time will never get done and, honestly, there are just some questions that are asked and can be answered by others… but to find your answers, well, you just gotta be able to be willing to get those answers.  Otherwise, it’s hurry up and wait.

 
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Posted by on 23 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “That’s a Nice Cock!”

One of the debates that takes place on the bi guy forum from time to time is about attraction and what it means… or is supposed to mean.  A lot of guys come to the forum and say that they have zero attraction to men or, as I like to say, they see another guy and it’s just another guy… but their minds are quite occupied thinking about dick.  There’s that camp among us that insists that just being interested in a guy’s cock is… wrong and I’ve seen them write about their ideal guy and all the desirable physical attributes up to and including cock size because, er, some guys are bigger size queens than a lot of women are.  These campers insist that a guy has to have a certain physical appeal to get their attention and, again, the fact that whatever guy they’re observing has a cock doesn’t seem to count as an attractive factor and, at least in my opinion, this is all about that “hearts, not parts” thing that’s been going around since the existence of bisexuality was proven (please, imagine me laughing hysterically at this point).

So it’s said to be odd for a guy to only be interested in another man’s junk when, in my experiences, that alone is usually enough to get one’s blood boiling.  Now, it’s not as if any of us can look at a guy in passing and, in a blindingly fast moment, determine if he’s good looking or not and, sometimes, we make such assessments and without really being aware of it and probably because you see other men everywhere and unless there’s something about a guy that gets your attention, seeing other men is pretty commonplace.  I don’t believe, however, that it’s all that unusual for a guy to see another guy and find himself wondering what that passing stranger’s dick looks like.  I’ve seen guys in the shower room at gyms and it often gives me a bad case of the giggles to watch them trying not to check out everyone’s crotch – and some guys are even funnier because they’re almost hurting themselves trying not to look.  Men know this but, ladies, if you really wanna see something funny, you should see guys at a urinal and doing everything they can not to sneak a peek of the other guy’s junk and, classically, that’s in the form of staring at the wall as if the answer to life is written there.  Guys might speak because it’s polite… but making eye contact while saying, “How you doin’?” can be unnerving and, perhaps, even suggestive.

There’s probably some psychological explanation for it but it just seems to me that once a guy gets, ah, familiar with his own cock, wondering about another guy’s cock is pretty normal.  What does it look like?  Does it look like mine?  How is it different?  Some guys might catch themselves thinking this and shut it down because they’re not supposed to be interested in such things… and some guys, obviously, are feeling and thinking otherwise.  I’d say that the “essence” of male bisexuality begins with that curious thought:  What does his dick look like?  From there, there just seems to be a kind of progression in play (and provided a guy doesn’t keep this curious thought submerged); guys go from wondering what another cock looks like to wondering what it would be like to handle a cock that isn’t theirs; indeed, one of the “basic” entry points for M2M sex is jerking a guy off or doing so mutually.  From my observations and experiences, whether the guy they’ve set their sights on is stunningly handsome or uglier than the original sin doesn’t always matter or, as I heard once, you’re not jerking the guy’s face off – you just wanna play with his dick.

From there, the progression can stop at that point… or ‘graduate’ to the next thing:  What does his cock taste like?  How would it feel in my mouth?  For some guys, this is scarier than giving a guy a hand job, not because it’s being so up close and personal but it’s one thing to jack a guy off and get his jizz all over your hand… something else to wind up with a mouthful of it.  Still, as far as this progression goes, it’s not about whether or not the guy cums in your mouth – it’s about finding the answers to those two questions I mentioned and, personally, I don’t know any guy who’s jerked off another guy and hasn’t wondered what it would be like to have that dick in their mouth – and even if they don’t (or can’t) do it.

The general consensus is that if you’ve seen one cock, you’ve seen them all and, duh, that’s never been true outside of the fact that anatomically, they’re the same because they serve the same functions… but thanks to the dice-rolling that takes place when sperm meets egg, cocks are unique to the person… but, yeah, wondering how “Jeff’s” cock looks like compared to your own, again, just seems to be naturally of interest; some have said that we get this though in our head because we’re really sizing up the competition and that may be true… it just ain’t the only reason.  Now, some cocks are just downright beautiful to look at… and some aren’t but even the ugliest dick you can imagine has a beautiful aspect to it…. if one could allow themselves to see it.  Indeed, we tend to believe that if a guy is handsome, well, his cock has to be equally good looking… and sometimes it is… most of the time, well, um, dude… your shit looks weird.  And maybe, just maybe, it looks so weirdly different that one might be compelled to touch it.

That guys can be only fascinated with another guy’s cock just isn’t out of the ordinary; if we happen to see another guy’s cock, we almost automatically compare it to our own and, again, often without realizing that we’re doing it.  The owner of the cock under scrutiny can be physically all over the spectrum of looks – he could be fat, skinny, good looking, homely, whatever but what he has between his legs is the focus of one’s attention and, yeah, to the point where some guys want to give into that visual fascination to experience the feel and taste of it and to find out what it would feel like in their ass and being inseminated.  Why?  I don’t really know and I don’t think anyone has a definitive answer – but I know that guys can be utterly fascinated with another man’s cock and not be in the least bit interested in what its owner looks like.  Many bi guys admit to not being sexually excited until they see the other guy’s dick and because of “popular belief,” they think this isn’t right and is like putting the cart before the horse… and while there are guys for whom looks mean everything before discovering what homey is hiding in his pants, some guys just don’t give a fuck about looks or body type – it’s all about the dick, nothing more, nothing less.

Yeah, some guys are size queens, some guys aren’t; some guys see a huge cock and deem it to be a challenge to be taken and conquered while other might see that same cock and get a not-so-nice chill running through them.  Some guys are weirded out seeing an uncut cock while others get the willies seeing a cock without its foreskin… and sometimes, those differences alone are enough to get a guy wondering what it would be like to play with it.

Sigh.  Bi guys are kinda all over the place about what should be attractive and what isn’t, what should always be considered first – usually his looks – and what is of secondary or even tertiary interest, like, what’s his dick like?  In my opinion, there’s really no right or wrong here – whatever floats your boat.  I just don’t think it’s odd or unusual that a man can just be interested about and stimulated over ignoring a guy’s looks and his attention is just on the dick…

 
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Posted by on 19 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Changes in the M2M Dynamic

As a life-long “student” of male bisexuality, I’ve become aware of many changes in the dynamic, not so much in what two guys might do with each other but in the mindset.  Back in the day – and I’m talking about the late 1960s – any guy who was even known to have given this a thought was considered to be queer, a faggot, or just gay.  Even back then, the notion of a guy who “hit from both sides” tended to be more of a joke than an actual accusation unless, of course, that little fact had already been established and verified.  Today, there’s a lot of talk about bisexual men not really existing and, in a way, it kinda makes sense when you consider that homosexual men were, to be polite, catching a very bad break via the actions of those really flamboyant and effeminate gay men and, as such, wound up getting painted with huge bull’s eyes.  Today, many of the horrors that were foisted on these men are a matter of history… but back then, well, let’s just say that it’s one thing to know history and another to watch it happen.

Despite what we knew and/or suspected was happening to gay men, male bisexuality continued on as an undercurrent, hidden in the background but as far as that visibility crap goes, sure, people knew about those guys who “played for both teams” but, again, it was more of a joke, a way to rattle a guy’s cage than it was accusing him and the overall “mood” that I observed was that this wasn’t seen as being as serious a problem as being homosexual, you know, one of those “flaming fags” who, without any shame – but often at great risk to themselves – would just flaunt their homosexuality all up in everyone’s God-fearing face.  Given what tended to happen to these guys, bi guys just really dug in, got off the radar, and did their best to put as much distance between themselves and gay men as possible because while it was one thing to get teased about maybe going both ways, it was worst to get targeted – even in jest – for being gay.

To say, “Them’s fighting words!” would be an understatement…

So bi guys remained off the social radar to have sex in both the regular, expected and mandated way as well as meeting each other in out of the way places to, ah, commit acts of sexual congress with each other and often because it was another way to get their rocks off.  Some gay men were quick to include themselves which eventually led to much of the stereotypical bullshit you hear about bi guys today – greedy, can’t commit to a relationship, and the classic being in denial about really being gay.  Bi guys did, in fact, piss off a lot of gay guys because we – collectively – didn’t want the same things they wanted; they were looking for a relationship and bi guys still involved with women just wanted another way to get their rocks off.  While I’d not say that some bi guys weren’t more relationship minded, the main thrust – no puns – was to have sex and in the ways men can have sex with each other and, “I won’t tell if you won’t, bro…”

By the 1980s, HIV/AIDS came along and replaced the common STDs as the number one danger; men became less concerned with what was known as VD as they were about this new disease.  Because gay men (and IV drug users) were the targeted vector, the news was full of many gay men contracting this very fatal disease and this publicity drove bisexual men even further off the radar but, in my opinion, changed the dynamic from “any dick, any time, anywhere” to a more focused approach we know today as a Friend With Benefits; this HIV/AIDS shit wasn’t a joke or some bullshit dreamed up by governments… but, you know, if you could hook up with a guy and it was proved (in some way) that he was free and clear of any bad shit, well, that works and one could keep getting their share of cock and ass on the side and, hopefully, with no one being the wiser.  Underneath all of this, however, was the mindset that if you were a dude and having sex with another dude, eh, ya might not be gay… but you most certainly were a bit on the girly side of things and, thus, about as unmanly as anything could get.

Even I saw and observed a lot of angst coming from guys who were said to be more of a “bitch” than a man and more so with the guys who were only into mutual masturbation and oral sex; the assumption was that if you were doing it with guys, you were being fucked in the ass at every turn or you were the one doing the ass-fucking.  It wasn’t the whole truth but even today, we see that a lot of people aren’t interested in the whole truth and it’s easier to assume and accept that if two guys are actually fucking each other, all guys into this are fucking each other.  The derogatory insults were rather creative, from guys being “butt buddies” to having a desire to have “jelly babies” – and I remember the first time I heard this one and what it meant, I laughed until my sides hurt for a couple of days.  Still, the perception was that guys who did this were gay; the running joke about being a switch-hitter was still making the rounds but, strangely, not as much as it did in the pre-HIV/AIDS days and while I was aware of this, I never really figured out why this part of the dynamic had faded.  Being tagged as someone’s butt buddy was still a joke; guys who were overweight were asked when they were having that jelly baby, you know, implying that they’d been fucked in the ass and nutted in and “knocked up;” some guys took it as a joke, some guys didn’t – and that included the guys who were, in fact, having anal sex either way.

I saw an overall sense of deniability where guys would, in public, say some pretty nasty shit about men who had sex with men; I often found it funny to hear guys denounce M2M sex while coming up with plausible reasons and conditions that might find them busting a nut into another guy’s mouth at the least or in his ass at the “worse.”  This wasn’t guys being in denial about their sexual orientation as much as it was a way to hide in plain sight; if “Carl” was saying shit about how he’d never do some shit like that, no one would suspect that “Carl,” in fact, was an avid cock sucker… except it was also kinda proven that if a guy protested too much, chances were good that, yeah, he was having fun with dick – but you could tell which guys were genuinely against such a thing because they’d state their opposition to such behavior once – and they wouldn’t ever repeat themselves.

Things kinda continued along these lines for another decade or so; gay men were disguising themselves as straight men and/or categorizing themselves as “masculine gay men,” to draw a line between themselves and their more effeminate counterparts, which became more of a necessity since the overall social angst against gay men – and due to the push for homosexual rights – began to grow.  This higher visibility in the homosexual community drove bisexual men deeper under the radar; it didn’t stop bi guys from getting whatever cock and ass they could but a new twist in the dynamic began to emerge:

“All of a sudden,” it was being said that if you were a guy and you weren’t down with playing with dick, well, your manliness was being called into question.  Society was becoming aware of what was being called “thug mentality” and a code of conduct that not only emphasized “bros before hos” but the notion that a man had to be ready, willing, and able to show support for his “brother” and that included getting down and dirty with each other if/when it was called for.  Even if one didn’t really buy into this thug mentality concept – which seemed to be borne out of the increased popularity of rap music – I found it interesting to see where something “simple” as giving a guy some head or having anal sex with a guy wasn’t being seen as unmanly as it had been in decades past.  Indeed, the word was now that if you weren’t down with it, then you weren’t a real man.  Indeed, even outside of this “thug mentality” thing – and something that producers of porn found fit to put on display – a lot of guys were coming to grips with the fact that just because they’d have sex with a man didn’t mean that they weren’t men and those acts weren’t as “girly” as they were once thought of – and then they were only being seen as girly because, as we’d all been taught, the only people who sucked dick and got fucked were women… but that obviously wasn’t the truth and never was the truth given how far back the angst re homosexuals went and the fact that M2M was once considered an okay thing to do under certain situations.

When the ruckus over bisexuality – and male bisexuality in particular – came roaring to the front of the line, there was now a push to, as I thought, put bisexuality into a more heteronormative framework, i.e., it was now being said that if you weren’t having – or didn’t want to have -a same-sex relationship, then there was no frigging way you could call yourself bisexual.  And it seemed to me that a lot of guys (in particular) were buying into this.  In the past, two guys getting together for sex – aka, the hookup – was just casual sex but now, a lot of guys were distancing themselves from casual sex in favor of the more heteronormative mindset that the only “good” sex is relationship sex.  Guys aren’t questioning whether they’re masculine or manly; even guys who are bottoms admit that just because they’d rather be in the feminine/submissive role in sex, that doesn’t make them any less of a man… but they are saying that hooking up with a guy ain’t gonna be their way of doing this; if they can’t establish a relationship of some kind with another guy, nothing will ever happen for them.  Yes, there are guys who are now confused:  They either don’t want to be in some kind of relationship or they can’t and they’re asking what they’re supposed to do.  The quest for a Friend With Benefits is on big time and more than I’ve ever seen before and while it can be acknowledged that if you’re gonna do this with a guy, it’s safer than going from guy to guy to guy, the real angst seems to be about casual sex more than a sense of being safer in this.

Guys are saying that if they’re not into a guy – and he’s not into him – then it’s no deal… but the thing I find strange about this can be found in the perception that guys who are bi will fuck anything human and has a heartbeat and indiscriminately so.  It was yet another knock against men who, historically, have been known to have sex with anyone who’ll allow it or, yeah, it really is all we think about and do it every eight seconds or so.  In the past – and as I mentioned from my observations and even experiences – casual sex just was what it was; the emphasis was on the notion of No Strings Attached, which was just another way of saying, “Look, I wanna have sex with you but I’m not interested in getting involved with you beyond that!”  And that worked… until this angst toward casual sex appeared.  There seems to be a bit of a disconnect at work; while many people agree that a FWB thing is a kind of relationship – all of the perks, none of the responsibilities of an actual relationship – there are guys who are combining the concepts of FWB with NSA.  They require some “being into” before dropping their underwear but absent that – or if it begins to look like a relationship in the traditional sense, it’s to be avoided at all costs.  I’ve seen and heard of bi guys getting kinda bent because they’ve established the desired FWB thing… but are in some ways upset because outside of the sex, there’s no other kind of connection… and it’s both a connection they want but don’t want.

Unlike some guys today, I’ve been in the position to see this change in the dynamic occur and, honestly, it kinda has me puzzled.  It’s no longer about a guy being potentially homosexual – even though those afflicted with biphobia are still keeping that stupid stereotype alive – it’s more and more about relationship sex and getting away from casual sex… but for many, um, whew, that whole being into thing ain’t gonna work for them… but if there’s no “being into” connection, then the sex is deemed to be meaningless.  Sometimes, friends, it seems to me that if the social factions that have an issue with male bisexuality wanted to throw a wrench into the works, they have managed to do just that with their assertion that if you’re not in some kind of same-sex relationship, you’re not bisexual.  There are still many men who insist that they want the sex – and I’ve seen how guys are letting their, ah, more freakier sides come out in this – but stating with great emphasis that they couldn’t be in a relationship with a guy… but a FWB would be fine… but only if there were other things going on in this pseudo-relationship other than sex because, you know, just having sex simply for the sake of having sex doesn’t have a purpose that’s palatable and right along with the long-held notion that a relationship based on sex is a poor reason to have a relationship in the first place…

Even though the majority of male bisexual FWB connections are, in fact, about the sex.  It’s like this: “Dude, I want to get with you on a regular basis for sex… but I’m not interested (or able) to hang out with you outside of that.”  And this seems to make the guys still sitting on the bench very unhappy when, in the past, if a dude wanted to have sex with you without anything “extra” being included, well, that worked and more so since a lot of guys were being outed because those extras things were happening.  Indeed, it’s true today that if our boy “Carl” was observed being overly chummy with “Derek,” well, they’re having a bromance… and that means they’re also having sex with each other!  Tack on the bro job – that thing that, on the surface, seems like a contradiction:  Straight guys who have sex with each other to, um, help each other out but consider themselves to still be straight and more so if, ah, helping each other out in this winds up being done on a kinda regular basis.

If this sounds confusing to you at any point, you’re not alone.  I mean, it’s an interesting change in the dynamic but it’s yet to be determined if this is a change “for the better” or it’s more of a problem than it ever was given that guys today aren’t thinking about this in terms or ways that, say, I grew up observing and experiencing.  A lot of guys will still tell you, in no uncertain terms, that they are not gay and some guys will even insist that despite what they’re doing with other men and women, they’re not bisexual – really gives me a headache when I hear this one.  In the past, two guys got together and had sex with each other – with no strings attached – because, well, it was a fun way to have sex… but it seems that the dynamic has changed and in ways that seems to me makes it more “difficult” for two guys to enjoy each other sexually than it makes it as easy as it once was.

I dunno; I had this on my mind so I wrote about it.  I don’t pretend to really understand it but, at least to me, today’s male bisexuals are very different…

 
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Posted by on 18 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What’s It Like?”

During yesterday’s visit to the bi guy forum, there was another instance of the topic that pops up a lot:  What is it like to (add an M2M thing here)?  When this topic comes up, it’s usually asking about sucking cock and swallowing or getting screwed by a guy and, this time, what it feels like to have him cum inside you and, specifically, if it was different from screwing a woman in the butt.  One of the first things I noticed as I perused the comments is that none of the respondents said a word about how unsafe doing it in the raw can be because it’s something that gets talked about a lot that mentioning it again is a buzz kill for such a topic – and that’s fine because if you take a question like this and your answer is along the lines of, “You should never do it without a condom!” you’re not answering the question and it’s one that a guy who hasn’t experienced sex with a man needs to have answered.

Because when you leave a guy to his own devices – he’s gotta figure this out for himself because no one is willing or able to answer his questions – he’s liable to incur even more risk since in my opinion, there’s nothing riskier than making an uninformed decision or making one based on faulty information.  I know a lot of guys will peek at gay porn – it provides great visuals – but overall isn’t very informative; you can see cocks being sucked, asses getting fucked, sperm flying around all over the place but none of that really tells you what it’s like to actually experience it.

One of the things that stood out to me in some of the comments was how some guys said that it’s different with a woman versus a man, spurring other thoughts about women being softer to the touch, men being more, uh, not soft to the touch and even being a bottom makes the experience different… none of which I felt answered the OP’s questions.  True enough:  You can ask someone what it’s like and what they’ll tell you will differ from guy to guy – but it can be either good or not-so-good information because there’s a lot of bias going on, like, guys who have been boned and creamed may not have liked the experience all that much and will tend to provide negative comments or, really, comments that may not be all that helpful.  You get a lot of input with both positives and negatives and, sure, this is some good information but if you really want to know what it feels like and if there’s really any difference in play between men and women where anal sex is concerned, no amount of information you can be told can replace girding your loins and finding out first hand.

Some guys actually did try to put what it’s like into words.  That initial pain of entry was mentioned as was how it can eventually fade away and that this is something one just has to get used to – which is true.  One guy said that if a guy were to cum in you, you’d not feel it because the rectum doesn’t have any nerve endings – and he was wrong about that because it does – not gonna get into all of that right now – but what is true is that you may or may not actually feel that nut hitting your insides and more so since there’s a lot more, um, intense sensations/stimulation that’ll override things, like feeling the dick going through its pumping action so even if you’re unable to feel the sperm flowing into you, you can bet whatever you care to that you’re not gonna mistake that pumping action for anything other than what it’s known for, even if the guy is wearing a condom.

The thing I felt the respondents missed was something kinda obvious:  While there are obvious difference in play re men and women and other stuff they felt was important, what they overlooked was the act itself – putting A into C and, as such, there’s no difference in play.  Like cock sucking, guys tend to focus on the differences between women doing it and men doing it… but not the act itself.  Things like technique and desire differ between men and women and can even differ with the same person and dependent upon their mood… but the act of sucking a dick isn’t different any more than the act of sliding a lubed-up dick into someone’s butt is different or, as I commented, “Sucking is sucking, fucking is fucking…”  The acts are the same no matter who’s doing it and the key word is “act,” not “who.”

Talking about any perceived differences, however, doesn’t really answer the question and to be honest, as proficient as I can be with words, even I can’t tell you exactly and precisely what it feels like.  It’s not like I don’t know because I do but there’s a lot of shit happening in that space between one’s ears that, for one, there are no words for and, for the other, is so complex that another part of your brain gathers it all together and simplifies it:  It either feels really good or it doesn’t… or, oddly, it feels good and bad at the same time.  Yeah, try explaining that one to someone!  Still, it’s kinda hard to be objective given the complexity of it all – you’re either gonna like getting boned in the butt or it’ll be the worst thing you’ve ever experienced so being subjective about it seems sensible… except the experience can be different every time and is based on a plethora of conditional things along the lines of what, where, why, when, who, and how and keeping in mind that even when you do this with the same person, no two experiences are gonna be exactly the same – it just doesn’t work like that even though when we have sex, we want to be consistent.  Even the moment of penetration isn’t as consistent as it appears to be but, uh, you’d have to be of a mind to really give a lot of thought to this and that’s hard to do when, um, there’s a hard, slick cock being pushed into your butt and working toward the expected explosion.

While guys with experience in this can share those experiences, there’s still only one way to find out what it’s gonna be like for you.  It can be a mind-blowing experience, a very uncomfortable one that will distract from experiencing any real pleasure or it can even leave a guy wondering why this is such a big deal to begin with – and that’s just the first time they experience it.  Often enough, that initial experience can be so… traumatic that a guy would rather cut off a foot than to experience it again; it can make them believe – and incorrectly so – that if it was bad that first time, it will always be bad.  Porn, once again, makes it look easy; it also makes it look like the greatest sexual thing two guys can do with and to each other… the reality usually says otherwise.  So what does it feel like to get boned and creamed?  Here goes…

It’s intense; the moment of entry can be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful depending on several factors like the size and shape of the cock going in, the amount of lubrication – and type of lubrication used, whether or not the cock is encased in a condom or not, the level of relaxation the receiver can bring to bear; the position in which one is being penetrated, the speed of penetration.  How long does it take for it to stop being uncomfortable/painful?  No set time in this and it really depends on the aforementioned conditions and one’s own ability to dismiss pain.  When does it start to feel good?  Um, that depends on how long it takes to get past being penetrated right along with how the guy inside you is actually fucking you, like, is he taking it easy or is he trying to pound you right through the bed and like he’s in a pussy… and what you think “feeling good” is gonna mean, which is hard to nail down because if this is your first time, all you might have to go on is how you think it should feel to you – and you could be surprised and not in a good way.  Feeling good being fucked is about getting past the physical part and depends on what’s going on in your head so it could feel good seconds after being penetrated or minutes… or not at all… and all of the above.

I did tell you there’s no easy way to describe this, didn’t I?

How does it feel when a guy cums in you?  Oh boy… really not easy to describe.  If your mind isn’t still paying attention to any discomfort you might feel, there’s that moment when he’s about to cum – ya might feel his cock getting ready to deliver the load, might feel his cock getting bigger and harder and if you’re paying attention, you just might even feel that first explosion of cum shooting into you, followed by that furious pumping action that can feel very weird and good at the same time and sometimes that depends on whether or not the guy stops fucking as he unloads or he keeps right on stroking in there – again, too many variables at play to provide a definitive answer and a lot of this also depends on how you’re feeling at the moment he cums in you (or into the condom).  You can feel good and “girly” – and that can be a good or bad thing – or you’re just really happy that it’s all over with depending on how the other guy screwed you so, at this point, you might not be thinking about how good getting creamed may have felt – you just want him to finish and get out of there… or you could be kinda pissed off that he’s finished.  At this point, whether it all really felt good or not depends on how your brain will eventually get around to processing everything that happened once he pulls out.  First timers, well, sorry guys, but there’s no way I could tell you how you’re gonna feel or how you should feel – it’s still something you have to determine for yourself but you’re either gonna say it felt good… or it didn’t.

What I can tell you is that once you’ve been screwed and creamed, if you don’t learn anything else, you’ll learn some of the same things that women have learned and the only “absolutes” here is that it’s either gonna be the greatest thing since sliced bread… or you’re gonna wish that you hadn’t done it.  Some guys have that first experience and the next question (or questions) they ask can be, “Why didn’t it feel as good as I thought it would?” or “When does it start feeling good?”  All I can say to this is that what you expect it to feel like may not match what you felt and it’ll maybe start feeling good when you manage to condition yourself to focus on the pleasure and not paying a lot of attention on how painful and/or uncomfortable it felt.  Such things take x-amount of time and a few adjustments in your thinking, one of which – and in my opinion – is making it a point to enjoy being screwed and not depend so much on the guy screwing you making it good for you, if that makes sense.  If you can’t condition yourself to enjoy the act of being screwed and potentially creamed, you’re not gonna enjoy it no matter what the other guy does – you have to want to enjoy it.

And in order to find out if you will or not, you really and seriously have to do it and, ideally, more than once if you can manage it; just because it wasn’t good the first time doesn’t mean that it’ll be bad the next time… or it might be.

 
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Posted by on 15 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: This Shit Again?

A couple of days ago, Cityman shared a couple of links with me, one on the topic of bisexual visibility and the other on why bisexual men are still trying to prove that they exist.  Both linked articles – and I don’t have the URLs handy at this time – were, to me, just another version of the crap that’s been bandied about for the last couple of years, like, the visibility thing that talked more about celebrities fessing up to being bisexual and that one, by itself, was enough to set me off and rhetorically ask Cityman – the recipient of my rant – “Who gives a fuck if some celebrity comes out as being bisexual?”  Yeah, some have “come out” and just because they know the media will descend upon them like vultures on a fresh road kill… and they’re really as bisexual as my cat is really a dog.  Yeah, some celebrities are bisexual… but their visibility in this is way different from the “average person’s” because their notoriety will usually prevent someone from taking them to task for being so immoral in their sexual/emotional behaviors.  So pointing to the visibility of bisexual celebs does nothing for us not-so-famous folks and more so since celebrities have also long since been known to be more kinky than your average person.

Then there’s this – what purpose would greater visibility serve and why is this such a hot button issue or, I should say, still a hot button issue?  Bisexuals have been around since forever, have for the most part been totally invisible despite those historical occurrences where, again, some famous person was known to be bisexual; lacking this fame – and thanks to the raft of shit homosexuals had to endure before their eventual acceptance in society – many bisexuals would prefer to not be in the limelight because one of the greatest fears is being exposed as not being straight… and then mislabeled as really being gay… and who really wants to put up with this shit at every turn?  This particular article stated that bisexual women are more visible but bisexual men, eh, not so much, none of which was new or surprising because my own thoughts have been that women handle this much better than men do and our society does find the thought of two women doing each other highly erotic and, well, it’s just girls being girls.

I pointed out to Cityman that the sexuality issue is a social one, i.e., revamping our outmoded thinking about sex and sexuality to reflect the obvious new reality in play; I then asked him why he thought bisexuality needed to be turned into a political clusterfuck and along the same lines that went down with the acceptance of homosexuality because, in my opinion, not only does this not need to become a political circus, higher visibility doesn’t seem to serve a purpose and more so when visibility doesn’t equate to acceptance, like, I can see a snake but that doesn’t mean that I like snakes or want to handle one.  Maybe not the best analogy I can think of at the moment but it makes the point.  Even if a higher degree of visibility were to happen, there will still be many bisexuals who’d prefer to deal with their sexuality out of the “public eye,” as it were since many of us still feel that how we get our rocks off is a very private matter and not for general consumption.

Then I asked him this:  Who’s really pushing for more bisexual visibility?  A lot of straight folks tend to invoke NIMBY – Not In My Back Yard – meaning that they don’t give a shit about someone being bisexual… unless/until it does wind up in their yard.  That aspects of the LGBTQ community has been pitching a bitch about bisexuality not being real and bisexuals in general has generated a kind of visibility that I wouldn’t exactly describe as good publicity since the angst here only serves to keep a lot of stereotypical claptrap alive, you know, that being confused and greedy shit.  Yes, some homosexuals have zero issues with bisexuals so it cannot be said that all homosexuals have problems with bisexuals… but it still makes me wonder where this push is coming from along with what purpose it’s supposed to serve.

The second article was about bi guys still having to prove that they exist… and that is so patently ridiculous that I no longer roll my eyes over this one.  The article brought up the tired-assed notion that bisexual men are really gay men who are resisting the fact that they are really gay along with the notion that bisexuality is just a stopping point on the road to full homosexuality.  As a bisexual, I don’t need to prove to anyone that I exist because, duh, I obviously do.  Do I have a need to prove it?  Nope… but if you require proof, well, now, I know of a way that would make believers out of doubters, like something I told a guy who said I wasn’t bisexual but really gay:  Go home, get your woman, come back here and let’s all have sex… and then pay close attention to how I’d do her – and you – and not give it a second thought and without any hesitation at all.  As you might expect, um, not many doubters are willing to go along with this proof of concept – but whether someone believe me or not doesn’t really matter as long as I believe it – and I have no reason not to believe that I’m not what I know and say I am.

Attempts to prove this via science are, at least in my opinion, ambiguous; showing people visuals of heterosexual and homosexual behavior kinda/sorta doesn’t prove anything given that watching a sexual act of almost any kind can produce a result of arousal even in people who aren’t bisexual.  You can sit a bisexual down – and good luck getting enough of them together to construct a decent data source – and have them answer very pointed and extensive questionnaires to determine if they’re really bisexual and I don’t know about the researches using this approach but I’d pretty much invalidate much of the results because of one simple fact:  People lie or, to be a bit PC, uh, they’re not very likely to be as truthful and forthcoming as such a study requires.

Given the angst toward homosexual men – again – does any researcher really think or believe that a bisexual man would really admit to it and more so when nine times out of ten, the first thing someone will instantly assume is that homey is really gay and in great denial?  Among bisexual men, there are three main fears (and in no particular order):  Getting outed, catching something nasty, and being misidentified as being homosexual.  Indeed, I’ve found it either troubling or highly amusing that in the discussion about male bisexuals, um, most people forget or overlook the fact that we do also – and in fact – love the shit out of women and pussy because if we didn’t, er, we wouldn’t be bisexual, would we?  Yes, yes, yes – we can get all into that Kinsey scale thing and get into slicing, dicing, and nitpicking degrees of homosexual interest in bisexual men… but if this is taking place (and it does), doesn’t or wouldn’t that suggest that bisexuals – and bisexual men – do really exist?  Tack on the fact that a lot of bisexual men are not fond of the word “bisexual” and it’s both kinda sad and funny that they look like a duck, quack like a duck, won’t admit that they’re that duck.  Any time I see a guy say that he enjoys having sex with men but he’s not bisexual, well, shit… really dude?  So, true enough, there are bisexual men who are, at least in their own words, in a form of denial about being bisexual… doesn’t mean that they don’t exist in that sense.  Indeed, this particular behavior/response is a contradiction.  Many of us hold true that actions speak louder than words do… except when it comes to this, it seems; the contradiction comes when a guy exhibits the actions but insists that since he doesn’t think of himself as being bisexual, then he’s not really bisexual.

And if you think that sounds totally and completely insane, I tend to agree.  Yes, we’re not homosexuals… but we are bisexuals and more so when our actions clearly say this.  And if we are acting in this manner, duh, do we not exist?  Of course we do but this is kinda linked to the visibility issue and the belief that if you can’t “see” a bisexual, then they don’t exist… and that’s even crazier.  If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?  You’d be surprised at how many people will say that it doesn’t – or, if they didn’t hear or see it, it didn’t happen – when, in fact, it does make a noise.  This isn’t Schrödinger’s Cat, you know, kitty is neither dead or alive until observed by an outside observer but this seems to be how some folks are viewing male bisexuality:  Until you prove to us observers that you really do exist, you can’t exist.  Then again, what proof is required?  As mentioned, I know one way to prove it but it’s not exactly scientific, if ya know what I mean.

It is fun though…

Cityman shows me articles like this and I either find that these things are still making the rounds to be woefully sad or downright funny – depends on the mood I’m in at the time.  Cityman says that with visibility comes acceptance and I don’t necessarily agree with that even though it makes sense on paper.  Because what I know (and what he also knows) is that an absence of visibility and acceptance is not gonna stop guys from wanting to get all up close and personal with men and women.  The lack of these things have never stopped this from happening and even with them in place, it’s not gonna stop guys from doing this “under the cover of darkness,” so to speak.   Cityman says that something has to be done in order to strip away the paranoid bullshit surrounding male bisexuality and I agree… but visibility isn’t going to do that, nor is irrefutable proof of male bisexual existence.  What will do it is the wholesale acceptance of the fact – and whether you choose to believe it or not – that there are men who thrive on being intimate (and in any way you care to define this) with both males and females and not necessarily with any real sense of equality.  If/when we can stop making this a moral crime, then, sure, all bisexuals might breathe easier but as long as there are those who maintain that this is an unforgivable and immoral way to be, acceptance will be difficult to achieve.  He – Cityman – says that things have to change and I keep pointing out to him that not only has the change been in progress and way before either of us were born, the change is still in progress because we know even if many others don’t that there are more and more men (and even women) embracing bisexuality – but just because you don’t see it happening doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening and, yeah, even as you read this, someone somewhere in the world is discovering and embracing bisexuality at this moment and if you don’t or can’t believe that, well, that’s on you.

If we can accept that women can be (and are) bisexual, why can’t we accept the same about men?  Is our belief in religious dogma making us not accept this about men, you know, given all the prohibitions against us guys doing shit that, ultimately, is counterproductive to the edict of “go ye forth and multiply?”  Many say that this is the case and even I believe it to be the case because nothing else makes sense.  We take it on faith that religious dogma is the truth… but it really isn’t – it can’t be because it’s pretty damned obvious that not everyone on this big blue marble is heterosexual.  And if this isn’t visibility and proof, I’ll be damned if I know what really constitutes these things.  If you do, in fact, believe that there are no bisexuals, well, you’re wrong and now the question becomes one of why don’t you believe it?

On the issue of bisexuals being in denial about their “true” selves, I submit that we aren’t the ones in denial about this – everyone else is since it’s still being said that we don’t exist and we aren’t what we say we are.

Thus endeth the rant and I’m thinking this won’t be the last time yours truly will be ranting about this so until next time…

 
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Posted by on 11 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Are Friends For?

This is kinda about the bro job and not so much.  One of the things that reaches my attention are those guys who are itching to get into the game… and they can’t seem to find someone to play with.  A lot of guys’ first experience with this is with a friend and under the “boys will be boys” rule.  Guys who are looking for that first experience do often wonder which of their male friends would be amiable to doing some, ah, grown up experimenting with them while some won’t even consider a friend and probably because it’s too close to home and is deemed too risky – asking a friend for some dick can be a good way to lose that friend.

Then there’s the “rule” that friends don’t have sex with each other and, conversely, the saying that it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t and for guys looking for someone they can play with, this presents a rather frustrating problem… but enter the bro job, that thing that appears to be new but really isn’t but asks the question, “What would you do to help a friend?”  It goes without saying that the answer to this question depends on the level of friendship in play but it’s not really unheard of that under the right conditions, two male friends will help each other out in this way because, after all, what are friends for?

That and I won’t tell if you won’t…

I don’t know how many times I’ve been around guys I considered to be a friend and I’ve heard them say that getting their dick sucked would be a really good thing or expressing that need to fuck someone… but that’s not gonna happen, either at all or not when they need it to be done.  Sometimes, it’s just a guy saying what’s on his mind… and sometimes it isn’t; if you hear this enough, you can almost tell when the other guy is just expressing a desire to bust a nut or he’s kinda/sorta hinting that he might not be opposed to busting that nut with you and, yeah, some guys are just hilarious when it comes to that; I mean, it’s pretty damned obvious they want to ask you if you’d blow them or if they can blow you – and because you are friends and not merely an acquaintance but since they’re not sure how you’d respond to a direct question, oh, yeah, they can make themselves look pretty silly trying to find out without being direct.

When that friend starts asking me what I’d do if a guy asked me to suck his dick, it’s a safe bet he’s not asking me because someone asked him for that favor.  It’s one thing when that friend says, “Man, I wouldn’t mind getting my dick sucked right about now!” and something very different if he keeps saying it (or variations of it) and it’s all I can do not to start laughing and asking, “What are you trying to tell/ask me?”  I have had guys be a bit more direct by asking a hypothetical question, i.e., “If I wanted to suck your dick, what would you say?”  A bit more direct but since this is a “hypothetical” question, not the same as just saying, “I wanna blow you – you okay with that?”

Of course, answering that question depends on whether we’re that tight as friends but the point is that despite the admonishment that friends don’t have sex with friends, it often is better the devil you know than the one you don’t; more than anything else, it’s a trust issue and the question becomes one of who, if anyone, are you most likely to trust with (1) keeping this a secret and (2) doing what you’ve asked them to do?  Even if the answer winds up being, “Nah, man, I ain’t into that!” then it’s a matter of not letting it be known that the proposition was made in the first place.

Whether it’s via poorly constructed hints, a guy won’t “ask” for this without them having a good reason for asking.  Maybe he’s not getting laid as much as he needs to or maybe he’s in some kind of emotional distress over something that can also include being horribly horny and even spanking his monkey isn’t helping at all.  As his friend, you kinda have a choice:  You can either help him out or, in order to protect your own sensibilities, leave him hanging and suffering with whatever has put him in the position to be going through all of the funny stuff to ask you if you’d be willing to get him off in some way – usually manually or orally.  The recipient of this, um, inquiry, can find himself in a quandary and even questioning the extent of the friendship; are you really the kind of friend who’d do almost anything to help a friend that isn’t offing someone or doing something obviously illegal… or is risking their own reputation and sensibilities worth saying yes to the proposition?

It’s a tough decision but with the bro job gaining much visibility, there are some guys who see helping each other out in the way a sensible thing to do – he’s the devil you know.  Nope, it’s not seen as being gay or even bisexual (yeah, right, sure it isn’t) but it’s simply a couple of good bros doing something that neither feel is that big of a deal – if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and, once more, I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?  I’ve seen some guys push this issue a little and along the lines of this particular line:  “If you really loved me, you’d do it!”  Now, this ain’t got shit to do with being in love so the question really is, “If you were really the friend you say you are, you’d help me out!”  There’s a valid point here, isn’t there, but now the response becomes based on whether or not you are, in fact, the good friend you’ve said you are… and some guys decide that, nope, our friendship ain’t that good – sorry, dude.

Would you help a friend who has this need… or would it suck to be them?

 
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Posted by on 7 December 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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