Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What Did I Just Do?”

An acquaintance and I had just finished spending some time sucking each other off and we’d been kinda lying there, breathing hard and grinning like we stole something when he suddenly asked me, “Have you ever been doing this and asked yourself what the fuck are you doing?”

Okay… perhaps I expected him to say something – but it wasn’t this!  “Sure; I hear that little voice in my head asking me that from time to time.”

“Even the first time you did this?” he asked.

“Not that I recall,” I replied, wondering where this was going.

“I did, and it was very disturbing,” he said with a shudder.  He didn’t say anything else; he just laid there staring at the ceiling for a few moments before suddenly leaping off the bed and announcing that he needed something to drink and asking if I wanted something.

I didn’t think much about it at the time because guys can bust a nut and get pretty weird afterward… but I learned that he wasn’t the only guy who, after his first experience, asked himself, “What did I just do?”  I also learned that when you’re the one giving a guy his first experience, it’s a good idea not to leave him hanging when this question slams into his thoughts and the negative feelings start to present themselves and because I’d learned that a lot of guys, during or after their first time, tend to ask themselves this question, I started to make it a point to actually talk a guy out of doing what he was telling me he really wanted to do.  All along, I set my mind to the task of figuring out why this happens and, importantly, how to make that first time guy feel…  less shitty about what he just did.

We talk about the feelings of guilt behind doing it with another guy and, for some, it’s a major shock to the system and one that makes sense… and not so much when you consider that the guy who is now feeling some kind of way about having slept with another man didn’t really do anything that he didn’t want to do.  In an earlier scribble a few days ago, I mentioned the refractory period and how the depletion of those biochemicals that makes us horny can turn around and make us feel pretty shitty… but then there’s the more obvious source, that being guys aren’t supposed to do this with each other.

I bring this up – and maybe even again – because, here one day after Bisexual Day, the world is full of people who think that bisexuals are mindless sex fiends who never think about what they’re doing or how it affects – or could affect – other people.  Bisexuals do think about what they’re doing or what they want to do and those thoughts can and do make them feel some kind of way and, I’d suppose perhaps “worse,” some of the things that can pop into their head at the most inopportune time, oh, like when you’ve got a mouth full of hard dick and the lusty beast inside of you goes from being deliriously happy to getting kicked to the curb because your traitorous mind decides it needs to have a question answered.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the mechanism of this; that such things come up during and after the fact was a given because even I’ve experienced hearing that question in my head and I had to learn to ignore it or, as I’ve said to myself, “You know what the fuck I’m doing and why – I’m busy so let me get back to you later!”

Everything I could find and think of led right back to one thing, that admonishment that men aren’t ever supposed to have sex with each other that gets hammered into us… and even if a guy was never subjected to this particular hammering, it’s something a guy winds up hearing along the line.  It’s confusing in that we hear and know about this prohibited thing just like we know that there are guys who do have sex with other guys, bringing up the question that if this is supposed to be so unimaginably bad, um, why are there so many men in the world doing it?

It’s one thing to ponder this as an intellectual exercise… and something else when you’re in the position of doing this forbidden thing – and because you want to or otherwise have a need to do it – and now you’re pretty much asking yourself a “stupid” question and all because your conscious mind is very much aware of the fact that you and “Aaron” are doing – or just got finished doing – something you weren’t supposed to do.

It’s a conditioned response in that if you do anything that you “know” you’re not supposed to do, you just feel badly about it even though you will eventually get around to justifying it because, sometimes, to do something good, you gotta do something “bad.”  Now, it’s said that the only situation where a negative can turn into a positive is in math but outside of that, doing a negative thing – like sucking your boy’s cock – cannot possibly be a positive thing, right?

The shock to one’s mental system can be rather profound as the “Jiminy Cricket” that lives in our head starts asking questions about something that should be kinda obvious.  What did you just do?  Um, well, before you decided to bring this up, I was satisfying a sexual urge I had… and how is it that you live in my head and aren’t aware of what I’m doing from one moment to the next?

If the cricket asks the question while you’re doing it, uh, what does it look like I’m doing?  Why are you asking me what I’m doing when (again) it’s pretty fucking obvious what I’m doing… and I’ll ask you again how it is that you don’t know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it?

Guys who experience hearing the cricket chirping in their head want to know how to shut the damned thing up and, as far as I know, there’s no way to really silence it.  Why does it show up?  We’re conditioned for it to show up; how do you shut it the fuck up?  Again, you don’t – you just learn to not pay any attention to it and more so when you’ve determined and justified that whatever you’re doing is something you, again, want and need to do.

Guys worry a lot about what other people would say about them if they knew about this when the “person” they’re really gonna have to worry about – and deal with – is themselves and if you don’t know how your own mind can fuck with you, well, this situation will definitely take you to school and teach you how you can truly become your own worst enemy.

With another guy having his first experience, I’d spent a couple of days talking to him about it and, yeah, trying to talk him out of it; he asked me why I was doing my best to talk him out of doing something he knew for a fact he had to do; otherwise, he’d never be at peace with himself and his feelings.

“I don’t doubt for one moment that you really need to do this,” I said.  “But I also know that at some point, you’re gonna ask yourself one of two questions – what am I doing or why am I doing this… and when one or both of those questions pop into your head, chances are good it’s really gonna fuck with you so, sure, it makes sense to me to try to talk you out of doing this to save you some mental anguish.”

He said that he understood that but I could tell by the way he said it that he didn’t think such a crazy thing could or would happen to him and I knew it was because he was very determined to experience a blow job with another guy.  I said something like, “Okay, don’t say that I didn’t warn you…” and we got into it.

And right in the middle of it all, he stopped, sat up, looked at me and asked, “What are we doing?”

I was expecting this and there wasn’t anything to say – I just gave him my, “Told you!” look – and if he had dismissed my warnings before things got going, he was very much aware of it now – but now it wasn’t about finishing what we started; it was about making sure his head didn’t explode from being unexpected crammed full of a conflict.

It sounds insane to have this land on a guy when, in his mind, there’s no doubts (or few of them) that this has to be done but like I said, it’s a conditioned response and one that even if it doesn’t affect a guy right away, he’ll hear the cricket chirping on and on about how he knows he’s not supposed to doing this and, worse, he’s not supposed to like it as much as he’s liking it.  True enough, some guys hear the cricket and are able to ignore it right away… but that’s not all guys and this particular moment can really fuck with a person and because, like I said earlier, it doesn’t make any sense to feel very shitty over something you’ve convinced yourself you wanted to do.

Some guys don’t hear the cricket while they’re doing whatever; they’re totally focused on what’s going on, literally feeling their way through it, having fun with it… then they bust a nut and what I call that “moment of total clarity” arrives… and now Guilt and the Cricket are bitch-slapping them very hard and in stereo… and not because of anything they really didn’t want to do… but because they know they weren’t supposed to want to do it, let alone actually do it.

To say it’s a bitch doesn’t begin to describe it and I’ve seen and heard of guys getting physically ill when confronted with all of this; some guys eventually get over it and when that happens varies too much for me to say “exactly” when they do… and some guys never really recover from the mental beat-down they get after the fact.

Again, people think that bi guys (in particular) are no more than slaves to their sexual desires and that we just throw it down with other guys mindlessly and indiscriminately and without using our big head… and I’m the guy who will tell and remind folks that this really isn’t as true as you’d like to believe.  One of the consequences of our actions is having to deal with ourselves and the sure knowledge that by satisfying this particular sexual urge, we’ve totally disregarded all the warnings, admonishments, and the Old Testament doom and gloom “You’re gonna burn in hell for all eternity!” stuff.

Outwardly, there might not be any signs of a guy going through this but they are feeling and thinking it… and now it becomes a matter of whether or not they can mitigate the guilty feelings.  It’s why some guys have that initial experience… and there’s no second experience; they know that all they did was satisfy what was to them an incredible urge but they can’t mitigate the guilty feelings although some guys might think that this is some kind of inability to justify what they did when, in fact, they justified their actions before they actually got around to doing whatever it was they wanted to do.

There’s just no easy way to deal with this except to find some kind of way to not let your conscience fuck with you.  I will say it again and again:  Guys think that the things they have to worry about are all external things and that’s not gonna be the thing they really have to worry about.  The “enemy” in this isn’t public opinion – the “enemy” is… ourselves and now it’s a thing of determining and deciding whether it makes sense to be bent all out of shape over something that they wanted to do and, keep in mind, it’s not as if they had no idea about what it is they wanted – needed – to experience.

As I like to say, the psychology is fascinating…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: It’s Not Enough…

…to just say that you’re bisexual or to do the physical things a bisexual can possibly do; you also have to get your head around and into it and “think like a bisexual.”

What does that mean?  Does it mean thinking about how you’re gonna do whatever you like to do?  How you’re gonna explain this to someone should you find yourself in a position to explain it?  It could include those things but it’s more along the lines of incorporating being bisexual into your every day life.  Some bisexuals seem to approach this thinking that some sort of balance must be established and maintained while some approach bisexuality as if it’s a separate thing about them when, actually, it’s just one part of who they are as a person.

Sure, bisexuality can be seen as a sort of duality, you know, given what “bi” means (simply, two) so it’s not unusual for a person to think of themselves in terms like one part of them is straight and the other part isn’t and thinking like this also seems to cause a clash or conflict should one try to keep the two things kinda separate.  I know, this sounds weird, doesn’t it, but a lot of bisexuals do think as if there are two different sides when, in fact, there’s only one side:

Yourself.  The whole of who you are, one of the many people traipsing around the planet who are both straight and gay… and neither.  We go through our daily lives working toward – and working on – being the best we can be in whatever we’re doing with our lives, whether it’s at work, school, parenting, being a partner in a relationship – stuff like that.  Getting your head around and into being bisexual also includes working on being the best bisexual you can be and, as I said, a big part of this isn’t about balancing or trying to juggle what are obviously two different things – it’s about incorporating them so that there’s only one thing to think about.

Cityman and I were talking about this one day and he had mentioned that he needed to find a balance between his every day life and his sexuality and I told him that balance was the wrong word and that he needed to incorporate his sexuality with everything else he’s doing and to the point where his sexuality and how he thinks about it is as natural as breathing or, really, to the point where you don’t really have to think about it.  Anything else is just an exercise in time management because you do have to find and have the time to act like a bisexual… but thinking, well, that’s something you normally do and, get this – without thinking about it.

Some guys make themselves crazy trying to balance out something that’s not all that easy to balance – but that’s because they think of their sexuality, again, as two different things when it’s really just one thing and that’s the goal I feel all bisexuals should strive for, to not keep thinking of themselves as two different people but just as one person who has needs that, just like all the other needs they have, have to be addressed and dealt with if and when possible.

It does, however, take time to incorporate bisexuality to the point where it’s just as natural and normal to a person as breathing or anything else that you do that you never really give any real thought to, like, unless you have a reason to, if you’re right-handed, you rarely think about being right-handed, right?  It’s like an exercise we had to do in a work-related class where we were told to cross our arms as we normally do.  Then, for example, if your left arm is on top of your right, change up and put your right arm on top – and the results were rather profound and more so when a whole lot of people actually had to think about doing that and, yeah, the instructor noticed that when I re-crossed my arms, there was no difference from when I did it the first time.

“How did you do that?” she had asked.

“I didn’t think about doing it – I just did it,” I replied… and that’s also how I deal with being bisexual; I don’t think about it – it just is.  It’s not that I don’t think about being bisexual – it’s just that those thoughts run right alongside everything else I think about and seamlessly so.  It wasn’t always like that – you do have learn how to be able to be seamless in your thinking about being bisexual and, nope, there’s no cut and dried way to accomplish this – you have to figure out for yourself how best to do this and depending on how you go about keeping things in order in your head, this might take a whole lot of time… and it might not… and I think a lot of this has to do with accepting that being bisexual just is what it is.

Is it different from being straight or gay?  Yes… and not really – again, it’s both and neither and if you think that’s confusing, well, it is because the key to this is to not think of bisexuality as being two different things.  When someone gets bitten by the bisexuality bug, it’s one of the reasons why they’re initially confused because, to them, this is something else, something different when it’s really an extension of yourself; think of it as standing still… and then taking a step in a different direction (or taking a step – period).  It’s even like moving to a new neighborhood and, at first, it takes some doing to find your way around until you get to the point where you can do this…

Without really thinking about it.

This isn’t just about being comfortable in one’s skin – it’s about being comfortable inside one’s head and unless – and until – one can be comfortable inside their head, getting comfortable in their skin will always be problematic.  Cityman tells me that he likes how comfortable I am about being bisexual and I’m comfortable because, for one, I’ve been like this for a very long time and, for the other, I’ve had the time to incorporate my sexuality into everything else I do.  Incorporate… not balance.  Not two different people, just one person; not two different thoughts about sex, just one thought about it.

At the “simplest” levels, I tell others that being bisexual isn’t an “either/or” thing; it’s not men or women… it’s men and women.  It’s inclusive and, wow, am I ever having a hard time explaining this!  The thing that makes this harder than it probably should be is that the people around us kinda make us think that this is an either/or kind of thing and, as I heard (or read) someone say, “forcing” us to make a definitive choice one way or the other and maybe because, to them, it’s unthinkable or unimaginable that someone could and would choose both… and because they can.

Balance, in a way, is an either/or kind of thing; incorporation is inclusive.  Balance is about trying to even things out – think about one of those old fashioned scales and trying to make both sides level by adding or subtracting weights until balance is achieved; incorporation means that you’re the scale itself and not the items to be weighed and/or leveled out.

If you think I’m having a hard time explaining this, perhaps you can imagine how not-easy a thing this is to do… but it can be done and it’s just my opinion that a lot of bisexuals would be much more comfortable inside their head about this if they can learn and figure out how to do this.

Bisexuals get stereotyped by what they do… but very few people ever say anything about what a bisexual thinks… or how they think.  While many bisexuals have to think about being bisexual – think about that arm-crossing exercise I mentioned – the real trick is being bisexual without really having to think about being bisexual.  You still have choices and decisions to make, just as you do with everything else going on in your life… but those choices and decisions should just naturally happen just like you go about choosing and deciding on anything else… and then doing your very best to simplify things in your head.

Which thing would you rather do – have sex with a woman or a man?  If you’ve managed to incorporate this, it kinda/sorta doesn’t matter… as long as you’re gonna have sex.  Sure, preferences tend to kick in but if one could think of their preferences as a guideline more than a bunch of hard-set rules and rules that are non-negotiable, incorporating one’s bisexuality into their every day life just might be a bit more easier to do instead of the headache it gives so many folks.  Nope – this ain’t about being as careless and as indiscriminate as bisexuals are said to be – whatever you decide to do, you still have to weigh all the pros and cons and be mindful of the consequences of your actions – one just has to learn how to do this without actually making themselves think about it.

If you can manage it, being bisexual becomes as natural to you as breathing – you just do it- you just are bisexual –  and without thinking about doing it or being it.  I’ve tried to explain this and I’m not sure I’ve done a good job of it because bisexuality just isn’t always about what one does – it’s about being as much in touch with yourself as you can possibly be and making things easier on yourself instead of making things more difficult.  It really is more about what you think than what you do.

I gotta clean the deep fryer now…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “How Do I Tell Someone That I’m Bisexual?”

This question is one of the bane’s of a bisexual man’s existence and more so when there are still rumblings among certain factions that are insisting that all bisexuals come out and be recognized.  The guys on the forum talk about this a lot, debating whether they should come out to someone or whether or not it’s better for them to say nothing.

Some of the fellas take the stance that not telling someone you’re involved with that you’re bisexual is patently dishonest and that, in the names of truth and honesty, a guy should come right out and tell all and no matter what the consequences are; if by doing so you wind up destroying and ending your relationship with other people, just man up and deal with it.  It is to note that some of the guys taking this position were able to come out and with little or no impact to any of their relationships – it’s fairly easy to suggest to someone that they do something that you don’t have to worry about, like how people who have a job tell others that they need to get a job.

So how does this question get answered?  That depends on a whole lot of factors that are unique to a guy’s situation and starting with whether or not they can, in fact, have this kind of conversation with the person they want to come out to; some guys believe that they can, only to find out otherwise while other guys already know that a shit storm of epic proportions will happen should they say anything about their sexuality.

Or even want to have a discussion about sex, period.

Some guys find that they can tell a friend and with fairly positive results and that’s probably because a lot of people could care less if you were bisexual… as long as you don’t ask them to get naked with you.  Yes, a lot of people have… issues with non-heterosexual behavior and, believe it or not, some folks get pretty bent out of shape because they mistakenly assume that because you’re telling them this thing about you, you want to take them to bed.

As one might expect, having this conversation with a wife or girlfriend is usually like cutting your own throat; many women just do not have a sense of humor about this and even I’ve learned that, sure, you can bring the subject up with them easily enough and ya might want to put on some foul weather gear before you do and then be prepared to have the conversation get redirected to being all about her.

Some guys know that telling someone about their bisexuality isn’t going to go or end well… so they remain silent.  One of the prevailing arguments in favor of, say, telling a wife or a girlfriend, is a valid concern for her health and with the assumption that if “Dave” hooks up with “Larry” and they’re sucking each other dry, both men are going to be infected with something or, I think, it’s based upon the assumption that all men who have sex with other men fuck each other in the ass and as a matter of course.

Which, factually, isn’t true… but I’m thinking you can see how this fallacy could negatively and severely impact any well-meaning conversation about this – and even if a guy has no plans to do anything about how he feels; it will automatically be assumed that if “Dave” is talking about this, he’s planning to do something.  Intelligently, most people do understand that thinking and doing aren’t the same things but reaction to this discussion is anything but an intelligent one

The guys with the biggest hurdle to overcome in this are the guys who met their partner a while back then, over the course of their relationship, they discover their bisexual feelings.   “Dave” could be one of those guys who, when he met “Sheila,” he was as straight as anyone can be… but now he’s hearing the call of cock (and for whatever reason he’s hearing it) and should he tell his beloved about this, I’d say nine out of ten times, his lady is going to assume that he’s always been like this and lied to her from the start which only adds more fuel to the fire that gets started about “Dave” having thoughts about playing with another guy’s cock in some way.

There are probably women reading this and on the verge of shitting a few gold bricks – and that’s a rather predictable reaction – and they’re saying to themselves, “If my man came and told me some shit like that, I’d (add a whole lot of very vindictive things here – let your imagination run wild on this part)!”

The problem about coming out is trying to explain why you feel the way you do and gets more difficult when chances are a guy doesn’t fully understand it himself and, sometimes, he wants to talk to someone about this just for the purpose of getting his head around how he’s feeling – and that creates what I’ve always believed to be the biggest problem with being a bisexual male:  It’s not about what a guy might want to do – it’s having someone to talk to about it.

Anyone reading this who has been bitten by the “coming out bug” knows exactly what I’m talking about and they also know how crazily powerful the urge to tell someone else is.  This part is another one of those things that I understand but I can’t really explain the mechanism of it;  “Dave” finds himself in a bisexual frame of mind and his first thought isn’t always about running out there and doing something – it’s all about, “Who can I talk to about this?”

Now… there are those who, um, buy into the “fairy tale” that when faced with this situation, you should be able to talk to the people closest to you about it and they should be understanding and supportive… and if you believe this, let’s get together and talk about a few amazing real estates deals you might be interested in.  Yes, you should be able to do this but what you think should happen and what really does happen are rarely the same things because, again, a lot of people are very NIMBY about this – Not In My Back Yard or they feel that everyone has a right to express their sexuality of choice… unless that person is connected to them in some way and the even bigger shock to the system is to discover that you were pretty sure you knew all there was to know about our boy, “Dave…” then find out that you really didn’t – and people do take this personally and not always in a good way.

Folks tend to feel betrayed and offended about something that doesn’t have anything to do with them… most of the time.  I say this because I know that some guys turn to the bi side and because of someone else and, almost classically, because he’s not getting the sex that he feels he needs, either in quality or quantity.  This particular aspect, when brought into the light, can cause some of the most vehement and vicious conversations I’ve ever heard and the fucked up thing is that I’ve also seen and heard conversations like this when there are no other sexual issues involved; “Dave” has somehow had his bisexuality awakened, he needs to talk to “Sheila” about it and who, by the way, should be the one person he can talk to and without fear of reprisal and, basically, not getting castrate, skinned alive, dipped in a very salty brine, then tarred and feathered for good measure.

Because I can almost guarantee you that “Sheila” is going to react as if this awakening “Dave” is experiencing has everything to do with her… and it probably doesn’t… but as I said, if it does have something to do with her, well, good luck with that.

Should a bi guy like our hypothetical “Dave” just come out and come clean with everyone he’s connected to?  They say that the truth shall set you free and odds are that when you tell someone about this thing you have going on, yup, you’ll be set free and in ways you’d rather not be free and just as homosexuals who have come out have learned over all this time, you can come out but you’d better be prepared to lose everything that means anything to you – friends, family, co-workers, etc..

Some are willing to face the risk of loss… and many, many more would rather avoid this if/when possible.  I’ve said that if a bisexual has come out to themselves – they’ve accepted that they’re bisexual – then they’ve already come out to the most important person… but that urge to tell everyone else, again, is very damned powerful and, these days, I’m of a mind that telling other people are on a need to know basis… and some people don’t need to know… and, sometimes, telling the people who do need to know isn’t going to be easy.

Simply, you can say what you want – that’s not the problem; it’s how what you say is going to be received and there’s nothing you can do about how someone else is going to react and no matter how well you think you know them.  I’ve kinda looked at it like this:  Ten guys can come out to someone and of those ten guys, eight of them will be boiled in oil, one of them will actually be understood and accepted, and one will think they’ve been accepted but unaware of the hidden resentment created within the person they came out to.

Looking at it like this, your chances of coming out and being accepted without any backlash are pretty fucking slim to no way in hell.  Intelligently, it makes sense to come out and emotionally, well, it’s a huge weight off of one’s shoulders but it makes me wonder how good a “Dave” can feel should he come out – and because he finds good reason to – but, as a result, he gets his head handed to him and otherwise dismembered.

Lest you think I forgot, is it easy for a bisexual woman to come out?  Um, not really even though it’s been “documented” that guys are just head over heels in love with bisexual women.  Just like a lot of women, a lot of guys don’t have a sense of humor about finding out that the woman he loves, um, happens to love pussy… which is why there are a lot of bisexual women out there who, like their male counterparts, choose to remain silent – doesn’t matter if they’re out there doing the deed or not.

Those factions who are of a mind that bisexuality isn’t real like to tell us that bisexuals are more likely to become victims of domestic violence and “simply” because the reaction of most people tends to be violent, either verbally or physically – but those factions would have you kinda/sorta believe that acts of domestic violence doesn’t happen under other circumstances other than revealing one’s sexuality to someone who doesn’t believe in such things.  This, all by itself, is enough to make any bisexual who’s thinking about coming out keep their damned mouth shut about it; it is an effective scare tactic that, sadly, happens to be partially true.

Those same factions cite a high degree of clinical depression due to being bisexual; what they don’t tell you is that not being able to talk to anyone about being bisexual is pretty damned depressing – but they’d have you believe that just being bisexual all by itself makes one severely and, sometimes, suicidal.  They also conveniently fail to mention that any of this can happen to anyone and for reasons unrelated to sexuality issues.

Those same factions have convinced a lot of people that bisexuals are walking disease factories and to the point where a lot of bi guys actually believe that the moment they even touch another man’s dick, they’re gonna instantly be infected with something and then turn right around and infect the women in their lives.  Does it happen?  Again, sadly, it does… but not the way those factions would have you believe – it’s a partial truth that seems to be designed to nip bisexuality in the bud and something that almost guarantees that any bisexual, male or female, is going to keep their mouth shut about being bisexual… and even if/when they are taking every precaution available to not become a disease vector.

Why don’t more bisexuals find the answer to the question in the title of this scribble?  Because sometimes it’s not in their best interest to do so and the worst thing is that there’s no real and sure way to predict how someone is going to react should you tell them.  Some guys like “Dave” actually do find out that not only has their budding bisexuality been accepted, uh, the person they told already figured it out – you’d be surprised at how many bisexuals out themselves and aren’t aware that they did – but that tends to be the exception more than the rule.

How do you tell someone that you’re bisexual?  The best way you can and if you think you can.  This ain’t like a Nike commercial where one is encouraged to “Just Do It;” well, yeah, you can just do it… if you’re prepared to deal with the full consequences of your actions and are aware that the consequences could be quite dire and you could easily find yourself all by yourself.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Out of Control

Many, many years ago, I found myself mentoring a guy and because he showed up for work one day looking like nine miles of bad road; he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days and I happened to ask him if he was okay.

“Yeah… no, I’m not okay,” he said.  “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

After assuring him that he could talk to me, he revealed that perhaps a couple of months prior, he had a same-sex experience with a guy after they’d had one too many drinks… and he not only enjoyed the experience but found that since that night, he’d been on a cock sucking rampage.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” he had said… and then I told him that I understood better than he was aware of and, as such, I knew exactly what was plaguing him.  He was relieved to be able to tell someone what was bothering him, surprised to learn that I was down with things as he had become, and even more relieved when I told him that it’s not unusual for guys to have an initial experience and then, basically, lose their minds and now they are all about having even more experiences.

I’d spent a lot of time helping him to get his head squared away and with some “wise words” that he shouldn’t always give in to the urge to do something with a guy; just because you can do it doesn’t mean you should always do it.

“Why does this happen?” he had asked.  “It had me thinking I was crazy or something!”

It’s not always simple to explain this but some guys have an epiphany their first time out and, well, it’s such a profound, exciting, and liberating thing that can cause a guy to behave like a kid in a candy store and with a pocket full of money.

“Sometimes a guy will have this experience and realize a few things, like whatever he’s doing didn’t kill him or change him in any way,” I said.  “A lot of guys will, at some point, wonder why they were afraid to do this and even wonder why they hadn’t done this before that moment… and now it’s all about doing it again… and again, and again.”

“That’s crazy,” he had said.

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” I replied.  “Some guys can control the urge to go buck-wild crazy but, yeah,  some guys can be so positively affected that they’re not really thinking about being in control – they just know that they gotta do it again and the sooner, the better.”

Today, I understand this… phenomenon a lot better than I did all those years ago; I still can’t really explain it in any real detail because a lot of the impetus to go cock crazy is couched in terms that there really aren’t any real words for.  I think some guys are intuitively aware of the fact that if they take the plunge,  they’re gonna be off and running; more, they pretty much know that even if they can’t really run around and pounce on every willing cock they may come across, that thought will be dominating their thoughts and to the point of being distracting.

For some guys, this is enough to keep them on the bench and for other guys, eh, not so much.  It’s a revelation, an epiphany; it’s that moment when a guy learns that everything he may have been told and/or heard about this being bad, evil, nasty, etc., is anything but.  Why is this some kind of big deal for some guys?

A lot of that has to do with what we’re told and taught about being men, namely, we should always be in control of ourselves at all times and there shouldn’t be anything that can be allowed to interfere with us being in total control of our emotions and behavior.  I’ve felt that whoever mandated this for us never sucked a dick before (or had some other same-sex experience).  Since we’re told to avoid any such situations and often hear a lot of horror stories (some of which are true), a lot of guys are convinced that even thinking about such a thing will rain down fire and brimstone upon them.  Today, guys still fret over being ID’d as being gay and that’s still considered to be quite the insult to a lot of men; a lot of guys who aren’t all that worried about being called a gay man find other concerns that’ll keep them on the bench – not that they’re not right in being concerned, mind you, but it seems to me that some guys will use these other concerns to keep themselves from having that first experience they know in their hearts and mind they really want to have.

To be in that moment and then, as the moment plays out, guys find out a few things – and I’ll use cock sucking as an example because it’s a prime entry point for guys looking to straddle the fence.  Yep, finding yourself on the verge of even touching another man’s cock can be upsetting and scary but once a guy can shrug this off, it’s like I said in the beginning of this:  It didn’t change him, i.e., he didn’t turn into a flamboyant gay man; he didn’t literally get struck by lightning or any other “wrath of God” stuff.

Maybe he goes into the encounter thinking that he has no idea of what he’s supposed to do with the dick in his mouth, only to find out that, um, he somehow knows exactly what to do, some of that is because he’s had blow jobs before and some of it is because it’s natural to suck on something – it’s one of the first things we learn after we’re born and is related to being nursed on a breast or by bottle.  As they proceed further into the moment, wow, this really feels good and if the other guy is doing them at the same time, man, talk about doubling one’s pleasure!

For guys who have said that they can’t cum like this – or have never been allowed to cum this way – they have it in their minds that it just ain’t gonna happen… and then it happens; um, sometimes it happens fairly quickly and embarrassingly so but no matter how long it takes, it has a very profound effect on the guy and along the lines of, “I didn’t think that was even possible!”  If they happen to wind up with a mouthful of spunk, okay, yeah, the instant acquisition of “the taste” doesn’t always happen but, still, just the thought of having made another guy cum is also pretty profound for some men.

While many guys wind up having to deal with feelings of guilt after the fact, while they’re sorting this all out in their head, they realize that they really did enjoy the experience and, in fact, they’re still the same guy they were before the experience took place and, yup, it was really so damned good and exciting that they can’t wait to do it again.

And again.  And again.  Now they find themselves hooked on something that either they never thought they’d get “addicted” to or something they knew going in that just should never be done… and now they know that everything they thought they knew wasn’t really the whole truth of things… and this is despite knowing that there are guys who suck dick… and a lot of those guys aren’t gay, either.

Now, some guys get really introspective after the fact and are deciding if this is something they’d want to do again and while some guys decide that, nah, it was nice and all that but I don’t think I’d want to do this again any time soon (and depending under what condition they wound up having the experience, like they were cronked)… but some guys do get around to deciding that, you know, maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad of a thing to give it another try, you know, to confirm that they liked it the first time.

And some guys kinda bypass this moment of introspection and decision making because they’ve already decided that it would be in their best interest (and pleasure) to have another cock sucking experience and, again, the sooner, the better.   Maybe it’s with the guy they had their first experience with, maybe it’s with someone else but now this… thing is driving them to procure another cock, get it hard, and make it soft while having the same thing done to them.

Even the guys who’ve decided that this isn’t something they’d want to do all of the time say that despite being in control of things, the call of cock is pretty damned difficult to resist and the fact that they’re even feeling the continued pull doesn’t make sense to them… and that’s because there’s really nothing “logical” about this except it just “makes sense” that if you did it that first time and nothing bad happened and it was one hell of a rush, why not do it again?  Sure, sometimes a guy can have a less than stellar second time but that’s to be expected; not all same-sex experiences have that fairy tale beginning and ending – that’s just the way shit goes.

Still, many guys have this incredible urge and craving to do it again; they feel like that kid in a candy store and/or like a kid at Christmas and making themselves crazy waiting to unwrap their presents and, in this case, another cock to suck (to stick with the entry level aspects).  Some guys don’t ever acquire the taste… doesn’t stop them from satisfying that urge to suck cock, though.  Guys on the forum, upon having their first experience, have said that the experience is addictive – and the pun is absolutely intended with the use of this word and many of them are still wondering why it took them so long to do this or why they were so afraid to do it.

For some, it’s a life-changing experience and some find it difficult to reign in that impulse to pounce on every available cock they can get their hands and mouth on.  Some do get it under control.

And some don’t.  It’s just the way it can be.  It is so… liberating and in ways that even guys with tons of experience under their belts can’t really explain – I sure can’t and I’m pretty good at describing and explaining things… except this.  Why would a guy want to “debauch” himself and go on a cock sucking binge?

Because that shit feels good.  Some guys decide that they’d rather not have their dick sucked but they’d rather be the one doing the sucking – those of you who suck cock knows what I’m talking about and how this makes you feel; to those of you who don’t know, I’m not sure I can explain it to you in terms that would make sense but it is along the lines of the answer women who love to suck cock give when someone asks them why they love it so much.

Because that shit feels good; is there any other reason?  Does it sound insane that a guy could get hooked on this?  Probably… but I’m the guy who’ll tell you that it happens and a lot more than you’d probably think it does or should.

Enjoy the rest of your day – and thanks for reading!

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Would You? Could You?

“I would never do some shit like that!”

“There ain’t nothing a man/woman could do for me!”

“I thought about it once but, nah, I don’t think I could…”

“Shit, I would never be that desperate!”

I’ve heard these things and many more just like them when people have been discussing, ah, not being straight.  We know what the rules are and how they’ve been hammered into everyone since like forever and one of the funny things about this, um, crookedness, is that in a lot of situations, we always take the moral high ground but when it comes to who you might be sleeping with, even infidelity can take a back seat in the face of a person sleeping with someone who is of the same sex as they are.

And, fuck, no; I’m not even gonna talk about gender…

We know that people do this and history, such as it is, proves that people have been doing this all along which is probably and exactly why there are rules against such behavior.  We know of the war against homosexuality that’s been going on ever since the rules were created and, these days, the battlespace has shifted from homosexuality to bisexuality and, I think, in some very similar ways.  Still, despite all of the hoopla and shit-slinging going on about whether bisexuality is real and bisexuals don’t really exist (they’re just homosexuals in great denial), yeah, people have been throwing it down in this dual mode right alongside homosexuals.

We know – and thanks to all the progress homosexuals have made to be treated like any other person – that the war on homosexuality was lost even though there are still pockets of resistance… and given the “sudden” increase and exposure of bisexuality – even in negative terms – this change in targets doesn’t seem to be going very well and, at least in this blogger’s opinion, the faction against bisexuality will wind up taking another “L” in their war to keep everyone straight.  They will, in a sense, succeed in scaring some people straight… but not everyone will be shamed into not doing something that works for them and at whatever level it does.

On the bi guy forum, sometimes the topic of discussion is about how and why someone “winds up” feeling bisexual and interspersed in the many comments are some that are rather pointed in that some guys who find themselves pulled toward the middle have often said that something like this would never happen to them and especially those guys who are, as I like to say, late to the party; they never did any experimentation in their youth, have been toeing the heterosexual line with great diligence and purpose and then, one day – and for no apparent reason – they have this incredible urge to have sex with another man.  Straight up and on the real, it’s one hell of a kick to the crotch and guys (in particular) often find themselves more confused than they’ve ever been in their entire lives because they have no idea why they’re feeling the way they are; some guys do figure it out and some guys never really do and while some guys break through the confusion, some guys just remain lost within it.

Cityman and I talk about this; he often finds himself in discussions with his gay friends and friends who like to bust his ass about not picking a side and staying on it.  They give him the business… and he gives it right back to them by asking them if they’d ever consider sleeping with a woman – and then having a good laugh as they recoil in horror and start ranting and raving about how they could never do such a thing and maintaining the position that once you pick your side, you can never change.

We talk about this… and I tend to reiterate what I think is a simple thought:  If you’re supposed to pick a side and stay on it, um, how do people become bisexual?  We talk about the old argument homosexuals would throw out there:  Their homosexuality isn’t a choice – they were born this way.  Personally, I get a kick out of having this conversation with gay folks and pointing out to them that they don’t understand what choice is all about while telling them that they are, in fact, partially correct in their position that they were born this way… because we are all born with the potential to not be heterosexual and all it takes is some event in their life to trigger the moment when they choose to act on their feelings.

Some have said that this is bullshit and that they had no choice in the matter… and that is bullshit because we do choose to do… or do not… and in a very unrelated conversation I had with someone many years ago, they told me that you can’t do a thing about the way you feel – you can only do something about how you act on those feelings.

So much for choice not being a factor in this.

Going back to those opening “quotes” for a moment, I don’t know how many people I’ve heard utter such things, only to have their minds changed when things in their life line up in the right way at the right time and the next thing they know, they’re, um, doing something that they once said they wouldn’t, couldn’t and shouldn’t do, just more proof that in some things, one should never say never.

I’m not so much talking about the people who have tried playing the middle of the field and didn’t find it to their liking, although they did, in fact, choose to give it a try because, true enough, this isn’t something that everyone can do and like it – it’ll either work for a person or it won’t and most people assume that it won’t work… because we’ve been taught and told that it can’t work.  We know that some folks aren’t exactly telling the truth about this, those people who in public rant and rave against such “nasty” behavior while, privately, they’re into it up to their eyeballs.

We know there are people who have chosen to give it a try, will hem and haw about whether they really enjoyed themselves, but who will also utter this caveat:  It’s not something I’d do all of the time.  Such folks would also, if pressed to do so, give you a list of situations and conditions under which such a thing might or could happen – and then suggest that those conditions could never be met… and then I’ve gotten to tell them, “I told you so!” when, surprise! – those conditions get satisfied and now they’ve done the unthinkable or the unimaginable and have “broken faith” with the tenets of heterosexuality… and then, getting to listen to the “excuses” for why they did are just precious.

I’m sure there are folks reading this and as they read, they’ve been shaking their head and even saying some form of, “I would never…” to themselves, just like I’m sure there are folks reading this who have said that, um, okay, there was this one time and it was okay but, again, not something I’d want to do all of the time and right along with those folks who’d say that they tried it, didn’t like it, and they’d never do it again for any reason.

And I’m not saying that y’all would or wouldn’t find reason to go for it… I just know that people have said that they’d never, ever, go this way and with a very high degree of certainty… then found themselves facing the truth about how some aspects of life really happens with or without reasons that make a whole lot of sense.

Sometimes, shit just happens and especially when we least expect it to; the infamous Mr. Murphy just rolls like that.

I’ve talked with hundreds of people who’ve said that they couldn’t think of a legitimate reason to step outside of the heterosexual box and it’s taught me that just because you couldn’t think of a reason doesn’t mean a reason couldn’t come along and punch you in the face.  It’s not so much that a reason could present itself as much as what one does should such a reason make itself known and the choices, again, are simple:  Do… or do not.

I’ve heard people against this behavior suggest that anyone that gives in to the temptation or surrenders to a “shit happens” moment are weak-minded, a sentiment I wholly disagree with and with the thought that anyone who thinks this way most certainly have no understanding how powerful the urge to act on these feelings can be.  Yes – many feel them and many do resist the siren call to non-heterosexual action… but the fact remains that many more answer the call.

I’ve heard it suggested that things like education – or the lack of – plays a role into such immoral behavior just as economic things are responsible for an apparent breakdown in morality and the people who think like this are, frankly, wrong; while can can categorize bisexual behavior into demographic boxes and then point to numbers that suggest that things like education and being in or out of poverty levels are responsible for this… distasteful sexual behavior, what the numbers don’t say is that bisexuality touches everyone in any walk of life, education and having that sweet bank account notwithstanding.  Indeed, a lot of bisexuals I know are highly educated and doing well for themselves financially (and in whatever way that means for them).

There are many people trying to quantify bisexuality and they’re finding it difficult to do so; for one, they can’t find enough people who’d be willing to confess that they’re bisexual and, for the other, how do you quantify how someone feels and what situation that might come along and trigger them into action?  How skewed does the data get when, today, “Samuel” says that he’d never have sex with a guy… and for some reason, next week, he’s doing the one thing he recently said he’d never do?

For all of this, how many of you are reading this and saying that you’d never throw it down like this… and how many of you would be shocked right out of your underwear to find yourself just thinking about whether or not this might be a good thing for you to do… and for whatever reason makes sense to you?  See, when people look at bisexuality, one of the things they tend to say is that it doesn’t make any sense to them why someone would want to go both ways… and I never discount that self-assessment except, um, just because it doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make sense to someone else… or that, some day and for some reason, it could also make sense to you.

Bisexuality isn’t an exercise in logic; it is, however, and exercise in dealing with one’s feelings and I can’t figure out how we – society – can quantify what someone is feeling and why they’re feeling the way they are about this.  Yes:  There are known triggers and a lot of them and if no one else knows it, I know that almost anyone can be triggered at almost any time.  I know that, as it’s said, some bisexuals have always felt this way but the moment in their life that triggers them into action hasn’t arrived and, sometimes, it never does.  Guys get into middle age and find themselves being triggered – and it doesn’t matter if they’re married, hooked up with someone, or single… and many of these men are also men who have said that they’d never do something like this, that there’s no reason for them to even consider such a thing, that there’s no way in hell they could find themselves getting jiggy with some dude.

Then find themselves doing just that or, at the very least, wanting to and waiting for the opportunity to get it done.  I’ve seen people intelligently recognize that stuff like this can happen and for a lot of reasons… and saying that it could never happen to them.  Maybe it never does… and then again, um, yeah, they wake up one morning to find that things in their lives have aligned themselves in such a way that playing with a dick suddenly and mysteriously makes a whole lot of sense and, as I said earlier, now they’re trying to figure out just what the fuck happened for them to feel this way… and then, what are they gonna do about it?

What’s happened here?  Life happened.  Some of it is evolutionary biology in that the potential has, over our evolution as humans, been encoded into our DNA – and, yeah, I recall reading somethings a while back where some genetic scientists reported that they think they’ve found the “gay gene” in the human genome.  Some of it is environmental, like how a lot of married guys find themselves answer the call of cock because of how things are going – or not going – in their marriage or how single guys, being faced with problems convincing women to sleep with them, are close to or at their wit’s end because, you know, that biological imperative encoded into us to have sex is pretty damned powerful and hard to resist… and we do know that there are other men who’d be more than willing to provide some, ah, stress relief.

I’ve said that some guys logically reach the conclusion that since they’ve done all they can do with women – and there must be something more than just sex with women – having sex with men is the next thing on life’s “things to do” list to be explored.  Still, a lot of guys find themselves faced with going in a direction they could never imagine themselves going in… and not really understand why and there are times when, after observing a lot of guys beating their heads against the proverbial wall trying to figure this weird shit out, I wonder if they really don’t know that sometimes the reason why they’re feeling the call of cock is that it’s just a part of being human?

Again, I’m not saying that anyone feeling the call to straddle the fence has to straddle it or that they should – I’m just telling you what I’ve learned about this.  I’m not even saying that a person will feel the call at all – I’m just telling you that some people do and that some of those folks who do have said that they couldn’t imagine such a thing happening to them.

This lengthy scribble is entitled with a question (two, actually but who’s counting?):  Would you?  Could you?  Whether you would or could, dear readers, isn’t at issue but I’m just the guy who’d ask such questions and talk about those things that polite society doesn’t really want to talk about.  Maybe you would or could – again, not the point… but understanding that there are those out there and all around us who would and find out that they could and can.  Maybe you know someone who would or could… or they’re all up in it; maybe you’ve thought about it and summarily rejected it and maybe, just maybe, for some of you, I’m just preaching to the choir.  You can, if you want to, entertain some thoughts about why you wouldn’t or couldn’t or what could possibly make you change your mind.

We – society – spend so much time ranting and raving about bisexuality that it seems as if no one wants to be bothered with examining why some people are bi (or want to be) and how/why folks who’ve spent their lives literally walking the straight line find themselves tumbling over the line and when, allegedly, it’s not suppose to happen.

I’m still just the guy who’ll tell you that it does happen even if it’ll never happen to you.  Time for me to see what the iOS 12 update has done to my devices…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Three the Hard Way?

I was reading something DDJennifer wrote about threesomes which dovetailed nicely with a topic on the bi guy forum about threesomes and Jennifer mentioned the 80/20 rule that kinda/sorta says that if a guy finds out that his woman is interested in other women, 80 percent of the time, he’s gonna ask if she wants a threesome and for the other 20 percent, eh, they might not ask – and they probably know better than to ask – but they’ll have the thought of a threesome bouncing around inside their heads.

In the bisexual world, yeah, let a woman confess that she also likes women and some guys are just that clueless to blurt out the dreaded threesome word; I’ve seen on Twitter too many times stuff written by bisexual women who emphatically state that just because they like girls, doesn’t mean they wanna jump into a threesome… and if you really know a little something about women, you’d understand why they wouldn’t.

But that’s boy/girl stuff.  In the M2M world the MMM threesome is much fantasized about and I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that because one can see a lot of MMM porn, it’s one of those things that looks either like a whole lot of fun or a guy’s worse nightmare.  Why?  Because these things don’t always turn out as being easy to do or as much fun as one might think.

The guys were “going off” about MMM sex, what some have actually done and what the majority of participants have wet dreams about and as I read what the fellas had to say, I kept thinking that, hmm, some of these guys really don’t know what they wanna get themselves into.  True enough:  Having a fantasy is just “wishful thinking” and doesn’t mean that someone having this particular fantasy should or is gonna run right out and do it but, yeah, I was reading and thinking, “Be careful what you wish for…”

Why doesn’t group sex work the way some folks think it should?  It’s because we aren’t taught to behave like this – everything we do and especially where sex is concerned is to be one-on-one only and even when someone can get their head around this part – and it ain’t even easy to do that – then there’s the thing of being in the right place at the right time… and with the “wrong” people involved.

It’s just something one has to learn how to do… and most people can’t learn it.  I’d have to say that, comparatively speaking, sucking a dick until the guy cums in your mouth is easier to deal with than having two (or more) horny guys making you the object of their lust – and those of you who have been subjected to the full fury of a man’s lust knows exactly what I’m talking about.

I’d never say that a guy getting into a MMM threesome wouldn’t have fun because it is a fun thing to do… but if you base your fantasies about this on what you might see in porn, you’re gonna make a mistake that you just might seriously regret.  When it comes to threesomes of any kind, the one thing I say to people is that if you’re not grown up enough to deal with any of it, please don’t do it.

For couples, oh, lawd, if your relationship isn’t rock-solid strong, leave this alone because chances are very good that you’re gonna find out something about your partner that, perhaps, you might wish you hadn’t found out.  Some folks go into this with a laundry list of rules that contains more things that cannot be done than there are things that can be done; for some folks, this works… and for others?

Can you say clusterfuck?  Sure, you can…

If you have inhibitions, insecurities, and other such things and you’re thinking that jumping in the sack with two other guys sounds like fun, boy, are you gonna be in for a surprise.  Sometimes, the problems with any threesome comes when the participants try to plan or script how things are going to go and, I think, fully discounting the power of sex and it’s ability to take those plans and throw them out the window.  Sure, it’s about respecting everyone’s boundaries but I’ve seen this requirement join the plan in the trash can and I’ve also seen things not get trashed… but wind up not being as satisfying as everyone hoped it would be and that’s usually because the participants aren’t really on the same page about things and, again, no one ever considers the possibility that shit can change and unexpectedly so.

Never, ever, underestimate the power of sex and lust and always keep in mind that in all things that we do, Mr. Murphy is always lurking in the background just waiting to fuck shit up.  It came to mind that while there were a lot of guys sharing their MMM adventures, um, I didn’t notice anyone talking about any adventure they may have had that didn’t go according to plan and because no one did, that could lend itself to a false sense of things being okay for them if they threw it down like this and maybe not giving a lot of thought about this:  Just because it went well for someone else doesn’t mean it’s gonna go well for you or your results will most certainly vary.

Cityman and I were talking about this one day and he was sharing his idea of a MMM threesome and I told him to not kid himself into believing that it’s gonna go the way you envision it because it really is harder to do than it looks/sounds.  Again, to have that great, leg-shaking, breath-stealing outcome, everyone – and I do mean everyone – has to be on the same page… and then have the strength of will to not deviate from the script.  He mentioned a few experiences that, in his thoughts, didn’t go as well as he had hoped and I told him that it’s because he didn’t take into consideration the mindset of the guys he was doing this with, that and guys can be just as funny about sex that isn’t one-on-one than women can be.

Again, we aren’t taught or instructed on how to have sex with more than one person and while you can open a browser and find a billion or so references about group sex – both the pros and cons of it all – reading about it is one thing… but actually doing it?  I told him that any threesome always sounds good on paper… until the clothes come off.  Now you’re at the whim and mercy of everyone’s own expectations, what they want to do, and that long list of what they ain’t gonna do.

He asked me what was the best way to have one and I said that there’s no tried and true, cut and dried way to have one; it’s not just about what you want to do and what, if anything, you’re willing to do… but it’s also about those same things with the other participants and if one goes into this thinking that everything – and everyone – is fair game, um, whew, that might not be the reality of things.

Threesomes are best when planned and by this I mean everyone involved sits down and puts it all on the table so that everyone’s limitations are understood; sure, sometimes, a threesome can just happen out of the blue and with not much in the way of planning/talking about it other than, hey, wouldn’t it be fun if we did this?  The key here is that if you’re not sure that Guy A is gonna like something you wanna do to him, um, ask first.  Makes sense, right?  And you’d be surprised how many times this doesn’t happen, someone gets shocked, surprised, or offended, and the whole thing gets flushed.  Or someone doesn’t get what they wanted – and because no one knew that it was wanted – and now someone’s pissed off because they didn’t get what they wanted or in the way they wanted it.

Even if a guy is aware that pulling this off isn’t as easy as it might sound on paper, sometimes that awareness can still be very different from what really happens because unless you happen to be very familiar with the other two participants, anything else is basically a guessing game.  You know what you want to get out of this and it’s too easy to assume that the other two guys with you want what you want – and why this happens is something I can’t really explain except to say that this very thing does tend to happen; sometimes you guess correctly, sometimes you don’t.

You have to have a certain mindset to participate in group sex and, indeed, a bit of devil may care attitude helps but if one can divorce their minds from the mandated one-on-one sex thing, that’ll help a lot, too.  Having few or no inhibitions is a plus and, of course, if someone is doing something to you that you don’t like, never hesitate to say so because if you don’t, well, whoever’s doing the thing to you that you’re not liking is going to keep doing it.  If there’s something you’d like to have done to you, um, say something; the point here is that a lot of threesomes get all fucked up because when the sex starts, the communication stops, that and it’s assumed that a participant’s not gonna change his mind about something… and no one accounts for shit just happening in the heat of the moment.

Because guys tend to be in a top/bottom mode of behavior, this can make MMM threesomes… interesting, to be polite about it.  The roles are, um, clearly defined but, again, no one seems to take into consideration that, say, the bottom who’s being ravaged by two tops just might want to do some ravaging of his own and in a way most tops, by “definition” ain’t trying to hear.  Not saying that it couldn’t work because some guys can, in fact, get this to work… I just think it’s a problem coming right out of the gate because, again, guys think that they roles they’ve adopted are immune from shit happening and someone’s mind changing in the much-denied heat of the moment – you’d be surprised at how many people don’t think this is a valid thing and that nothing should ever happen in the heat of the moment.

And that’s a mistake if I’ve ever heard of one.  Indeed, in the world of swinging, this is one of the reasons why bi guys aren’t always invited to participate in a threesome with a straight guy in attendance and it’s because the straight guy is paranoid and will almost always assume that at some point, the bi guy is gonna jump on them and start sucking their dick or playing with their ass… and the reality is that in the heat of the moment, such things can happen.

And I say that if you’re not prepared to deal with whatever might happen outside of what you think should only happen, ya might not want to actively pursue your MMM fantasy.  Nope – not all guys get all totally mindless in these things and boundaries are respected… but if you assume that your boundaries will always be respected, ya might wanna give this MMM thing some more thought.

Do I sound as if I’m trying to talk guys out of experiencing a MMM threesome?  Yes… and no.  It’s my opinion that a guy should experience what it’s like to be in a dog pile with two other dudes; I’m just the guy who’ll be right up front and tell you that what you think should happen and what might happens ain’t the same thing and, again, if you’re not prepared, willing, and able to deal with whatever might happen, no – don’t do this.  If your list of things you won’t do with another guy is longer than the list of things you will do, um, don’t do this.  If you go into this thinking and believing that your boundaries will always be respected, you might want to change your thinking a bit because even with guys you know, eh, your boundaries just might get tested, stretched, and maybe even broken.

And if you’ve never been subjected to a man’s lust, I would highly recommend you get a lot of one-on-one experiences under your belt before you try to make you MMM fantasy come true because if you find that doing the nasty with one guy is intense, wait until you have two guys to deal with and more so with two guys who may or may not be on the same page with you about what’s about to happen.

When I go on the forum and read about guys who’ve never played with another man talking about this particular fantasy, it really does make me shudder and not in a good way.  Some guys do say that they have this fantasy… but they don’t think they could really do it and that’s pretty damned honest of them to be able to admit this – and the right frame of mind.

These things don’t always go tits up – I’m just the guy who’ll tell you – or remind you – that any kind of threesome can go tits up at any time and for any reason, that’s all and that your experience in this is only gonna be as good as you try to make it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Continuing Interest?

There’s a dual purpose to today’s scribble.  One is to keep taking this new editor out for a spin and it immediately reminds me to let WordPress know that when you click Publish, it doesn’t do the somewhat inefficient spell check the old editor would do… that or I don’t know how to turn it back on.

Yesterday, during my first exposure to this new editor, as I shut things down, I noticed that TBT: Asking for a Bro Job slipped from the top spot on the Most Read list and its place taken by another scribble about M2M blow jobs.

Coincidence… or could it be that there are more people interested in why “Tommy” and “Eddie” would, out of the clear blue sky, decide that giving each other a blow job is just what the doctor ordered?  And, yeah, if you’re wondering, Tumblr is still presenting me with a lot of stuff featuring cock sucking and, this time, including women doing it.

I saw the change in Most Read and started thinking about it but decided to forego scribbling something until I had enough time to give this some “serious” thought.  I did, before shut down, go back and re-read the first scribble about this being a coincidence and, in particular, the part where the guy got surprised by a mouthful of cum; I’m sorry, that was just too precious and way too funny not to look at again.

Indeed, during the cleanup on Tumblr, I saw a few women get that surprised look on their face as the guy they were blowing unloaded but they were a lot more graceful about it than that guy was, hands down.  That aside – and as I went on about my day, I had M2M cock sucking churning away in the back of my mind and looking at as many aspects of it as I could think of up to and including the why of it all and beginning with trying to separate the chaff from the wheat or the reason why “Tommy” and “Eddie” would want to blow each other… and it’s not necessarily because they’re gay or bi.

The simplest reason is, um, because it feels good to do it and have it done to you.  The whole notion of the mystical bro job has taken down the barriers that have been erected (no pun) around this particular thing and, if nothing else, implies if not proves that you don’t have to be a gay man to suck a dick and while we tend to presume that a guy could very well be bisexual – and even if the guys involved swear to all that’s holy that they’re not bisexual.

In my head, I was “hearing” the sexual purists saying that if a guy wanted his dick sucked, he should go find a woman willing to do it and that “argument” was ancient the first time I heard it uttered (way back in the late 1960s) and my immediate and following thought was that whoever first said this obviously didn’t know shit about women and cock sucking because if they did, they wouldn’t have said such an idiotic thing, that and such a statement is still very deeply rooted that archaic way we tend to think about things sexual which, in and of itself, is continually being proven to be outdated, has more holes in it than a screen door as well as being flawed and in the worst ways imaginable.

As I laughed at having this ridiculous statement running around in my head, I thought about the other reasons why “Tommy” and “Eddie” could get into their heads to blow each other and while there are a ton of said reasons, again, I looked for the simplest one, that being that built-in imperative to have sex that is either a good thing for us or the bane of our existence, depending on how you wanna look at it.  I thought about a saying I heard back in the day:  Only a woman knows what a woman wants and not only does this seem to be a truism, I believe it to be the justification for women to chow down on each other and with impunity – no one really thinks this is unusual and given man’s track record with women and sex, well, it makes sense depending on one’s point of view.

I thought that if this is true for women, it’s also true for men; the logic, all by itself, is sound if you remove the ancient taboo attached to this and therein also lies the problem “Tommy” and “Eddie” are faced with because not many people can absent the taboo from their thinking and, as such, aren’t able to see the sense in, “If it’s good for the gander, it’s good for the goose… (and to butcher this saying a bit).

For men – and as I’ve written extensively about – cock sucking is a prime entry level to M2M activities; the only thing “easier” is giving each other a hand job.  It doesn’t require any preparation other than giving one’s crotch a good washing, can be done almost anywhere, and usually doesn’t take a whole lot of time.  If it’s true that there are more men getting into M2M stuff these days – and I believe that it is – well, this is the place where a lot of those guys like “Tommy” and “Eddie” will start and, yeah, what guy hasn’t ever given a single thought about what it would be like to do something that he’s had done to him (and if he was lucky enough to have a woman blow him)?  Not all guys do and not all guys would admit to having this thought – I’m just telling you that, yup, some (or many of us) do or did think this at some point in our lives.

With the incredible access to porn we have – and thanks to the Internet – you can see a whole lot of cock sucking and, well, damn – doesn’t it all look rather exciting?  Yeah, yeah – all of you experienced cock suckers just might have a different thought about that but I’m not talking about y’all; I’m still talking about why “Tommy” and “Eddie” could get it into their heads that blowing each other would be a fun thing to do.  It seems to me that our hypothetical guys could spend some times watching porn, seeing cocks being sucked and, again, get that fleeting thought in their head that says, “I wonder what it would be like to do that?”  The thought vanishes because something else in their head says, “That shit is gay and I’m not gay!”

And who says you have to be gay, hmm?  It’s at this point where some guys would think two things:  One, there’s no way in hell they’d find themselves in such a situation where they have a cock in their mouth… and, two, their imaginations start creating scenarios that could make such a thing jump of – but not that they’d actually do it, mind you, because it’s still gay and for the purpose of this discussion, “Tommy” or “Eddie” consider themselves to be quite straight and we can even go a bit further and imply that one or both are, at the least, bi-curious.

Shit lines up the right way at the right time – and there’s too many ways things can line up like this – and this is where things get to be funny because now one or both of these guys are trying to figure out how to kick start something that, for the both of them, is begging to be done and, no, I’m not sure I can really explain this other than to say that in that right way and time, the thing that “has to be done,” the thing that solves the immediate “problem” is for them to whip out their dicks, shake off any fear and reluctance, and suck each other off.

Yeah, it sounds crazy and it sounds even crazier because I don’t have the words to really explain how two guys can come to this conclusion in their minds and without saying anything to each other about it – yet.  You just know it and as I’ve written about before, wow, this is where things can get kinda hilarious to watch two guys dropping hints on each other about how much they wouldn’t mind a blow job right about now.  I’ve seen this situation too many times and one of two things happen:  Either nothing happens because both guys are too embarrassed or afraid to actually ask if this can happen between them… or someone says, “Fuck it!” and puts the offer out there.  At this point it could be rejected… but, I dunno, you’d have to be in one of those moments to know when it’ll be passed on and when passing on it isn’t the thing to do – again, it’s one of those things I don’t have the ability to explain and have it make sense.

That either guy might feel some kind of way after the fact is a different thing to be dealt with; it can make guys feel horribly and terribly guilty and on top of the fact that sucking each other off did, in fact, fit the bill rather nicely.  During the recovery phase, they might reaffirm that, um, just because we did this doesn’t mean we’re gay, right?  It also gets established – and sometimes for the second time – that neither guy is gonna let it be know that they did this to each other (“I won’t tell if you won’t, okay?)

If they survive this moment, it’s not a given that they’d go for it again somewhere down the road… but at the very least, they know that if they find themselves in need of release and they’re hanging out with each other, well, um, we did it before… so why can’t we do it again?

Why?  Because it feels good to do it and have it done and sexuality be damned.  Those of you who enjoy sucking on a hard one knows what I’m talking about and how personally satisfying it is and our boys “Tommy” and “Eddie” have also discovered this even though their minds are still having a battle over the matter and things are now in the realm of, “That was awesome… but it’s not something I’d want to do all of the time.”

Sure it isn’t, guys.  Guys find out that it’s “nasty” and “naughty” and that all by itself is quite the thrill as is looking down at who’s sucking on your dick, seeing it’s a guy – and a guy you know – and, wow, I don’t believe we’re really doing this.  Some guys do think, during the fact, “We shouldn’t be doing this…” but, ah, fuck, that thought doesn’t always bring things to a screeching halt because despite it not supposed to be happening like this, it sure as hell feels damned good.

Guys can conjure up a million reasons why engaging in some mutual cock sucking is a good thing to do.  Yes, guys do worry about being gay and they do worry about what someone else would say about them if what they did with another dude is discovered and, yes, some guys who wanna suck cock won’t do it because of these two things but I still wanna know how someone else is gonna find out that you did this unless you (or the other guy) lets it be known.

In any of this, maybe other folks are reading my scribbles about this and have their own thoughts about it or maybe, just maybe, they’re learning something they thought was just rumor, urban legend, whatever.  Again, guys have a million reasons for why they suck dick and the least of them is because it feels good.  It’s not always about acquiring the taste – one of the other things we tend to worry excessively about – but it is all about what they’re experiencing before any nut busting happens… unless you’re like that guy in the clip who got surprised – man, that was oh, so precious.

It’s not a thing of whether or not guys aren’t supposed to do this to each other – it’s a thing that some of us do and for whatever reason makes sense to us, from a facet of our sense of sexuality to the simple fact that we need to bust a nut and any way we can do that that doesn’t involve jerking off just works.  Some might turn their noses up at “Tommy” and “Eddie” and think all sorts of things about them – they’re freaks, gay, nasty-assed motherfuckers and even soulless, godless heathens – but I wonder if anyone ever thinks that our hypothetical boys are sucking the living daylights out of each other simply to satisfy a need and one that won’t wait for someone else – traditionally a woman – to do it.

Finally – and I know y’all were wondering when I was gonna get done with this – this new editor, well, I guess it serves the purpose although for me, it’s a bit distracting because as I type, I can see things flashing in the upper right corner as what I’m typing gets auto-saved and despite having my eyes on what I’m typing – that peripheral vision thing.  I can live with this new thingy but I really do wish WordPress would put back the ability to fully justify whatever text you’re scribbling because it just looks… neater – something about those ragged edges just kinda offends me a little and because, over the years, I’ve gotten used to full text justification with hyphenation – yeah, Word (and even WordPerfect) just totally and completely spoiled the shit out of me.

So now I gotta figure out how to send WordPress my observations of this new editor to date… wish me luck.