If you’ve gotten your head around the fact that you like both men and women and you’ve managed to sort out what sexy thing you want to experience and have decided to take the plunge, there’s a couple of things the inexperienced bisexual has to consider that are important and both will have – can have – a major impact.
The first is getting up the courage to actually do whatever you were thinking about doing. It irks the shit out of me to read stuff the biphobic bunch likes to write and implying that bisexuals – and men, in particular – just run around having sex with anyone over ambient temperature and without giving any thought to what they’re doing when the truth is that there’s a lot of thinking going on – ya just don’t get to hear about what’s being thought all that much.
A guy who is ready to strip down and dive in will, if he’s done his due diligence, get all the information he can acquire and from the many sources like porn and, if he’s lucky, anyone he can find and talk to about things M2M. It is said that if you can see yourself doing a thing, you can do it and a lot of guys do have very active imaginations although, in my observations, even the guys who aren’t so imaginative can discover that they can do that which they can’t envision themselves doing.
And that’s all well and good… but you still have to do it. Guys who have a hankering to suck cock just might find inanimate objects to practice on; guys who are eager to find out what it’s like to have something long and hard in their ass will also employ said objects. And, again, that’s all well and good… but none of those things really prepare you for being in that moment where you’ve agreed to do something – like sucking a dick – and now there’s a dick just waiting for you to give it some attention.
I call it “the moment of truth” and I can’t think of a better way to put this. You’ve [perhaps] studied sucking a dick, just might have gone through a bunch of bananas as a rather tasty dry run (unless you don’t like bananas), and perhaps even watched some porn just to see dicks being sucked – straight or gay porn, doesn’t matter. So you know what to do right up to the moment when there’s a, say, seven-inch cock in your face and the guy attached to it is eagerly waiting for you to open your mouth and get started.
And some guys just freeze up in this moment; hell, some guys can’t even bring themselves to touch the other guy’s cock and I’d have to say that this particular moment of clarity can be quite traumatic and embarrassing to discover that, um, fuck – ya can’t do it. I also cannot begin to tell you what might be going through a frozen guy’s mind in this moment other than a great deal of fear and uncertainty and, once again, one gets to learn that thinking and doing really ain’t the same things.
For some, that frozen, paralyzing moment brings everything to a screeching halt and there’s just no going forward. However, some guys are able to, ahem, thaw out and proceed; that’s the moment where I like to say that a guy, after running a lot of shit through their heads in what’s really an incredibly short period of time just says, “Fuck it…” and starts sucking on that dick. He’ll say this (or something similar to it) because his brain is pretty much on overload at this point and thoughts/impressions are flashing through his mind so quickly he can’t keep up with them. Everything gets jumbled up and, in a kind of paraphrasing way, his brain just says, “Just go ahead and do it already!”
And now it’s on. It’s a little different (an understatement, trust me) when he’s the one watching another man lowering his head to his dick and it just feels so… weird and strange even though it’s not like he’s never seen anyone moving to suck his dick before… but because there’s a guy about to do this, it can be quite surreal. Now, honestly, I’ve not seen or heard of too many guys in this moment call it off… but I do know what some guys have said once their dick starts to get sucked and it’s along the lines of, “I don’t believe there’s a guy sucking my dick!”
Some guys, in this moment, experience some… performance issues – they can’t get hard and no matter what the other guy is doing. The reason? Too much sensory input or, simply, being in that moment is just too much for their minds to handle and, usually, it’s that moment where the guy doing the sucking should tell the newbie, “Hey, just relax – breathe; it’ll be okay.”
Once he can relax, a guy will learn a few things as his dick gets worked on, namely, it’s not all that different from when a woman does it and it’s about that time when a guy might start asking himself, “What was I afraid of?” He’s getting into it and, quite possibly, he’s into it enough to do some sucking himself; some call it being in the heat of the moment and this moment is really one of where a guy (in this case) just kinda stops thinking and goes with the flow of things. If he goes after the other guy’s dick, he then learns that, hmm, sucking dick isn’t really as bad as he’s heard it is.
Having said that, it is true that some guys have another guy sucking on their cock for the first time and, um, they just lose it and way before they wanted to and, sure, it’s pretty horrifying and more embarrassing than anything I can imagine… but it’s normal, believe it or not and, again, sensory overload can be responsible for this, ah, early release. Some manage not to lose it in those first thirty seconds or so – and, yes, it can happen that quickly and depending on how much they’ve been able to relax and all that, at some point, they’re gonna cum – but it’s true that some guys can’t and that’s because their brain has conspired against them and they’re overstimulated, making ejaculation damned near impossible as well as being able to maintain an erection so they can cum.
Yeah… sometimes we’re our own enemy. Just how shit goes.
Now we get to that moment of clarity that arrives post-ejaculation – that “What the fuck did I just do?” moment that’s so guilt-laden that I’ve seen guys throw up and even break down and start crying. To say that in this moment of perfect clarity that a guy is gonna feel bad does not even begin to describe how it really feels – it just doesn’t. I happen to know the reason for this God-awful feeling has to do with what’s known as the refractory period of sex and, basically, that moment when all the chemical “fuel” that was driving one’s lust and desire, simply, runs out. Here’s the thing about this that ya might find interesting.
Even when we have sex with women, we go through the refractory period and the easiest way I can explain this is that while you’re having sex, ya just don’t want to stop doing it to her and even thinking ahead a little about ravaging girlfriend again… until ya bust that nut… and now, the last thing you wanna do is have sex again and, yeah, you just might be feeling a little “guilty” to boot. The thing is that we kinda/sorta get so used to this that even when we jerk off, we notice this absence of desire but, eh, don’t really pay that much attention to it…
But when a guy has made you bust that nut, oh, yeah, you sure as hell are paying attention to it now! Every dire warning you’ve ever heard of is now racing through your brain and the guilt, oh, man, the guilt is overwhelming and guys have always attributed this guilty feeling with the social prohibition that men should not ever have sex with each other and now, oh, shit (yeah, another one of those moments for ya), what the fuck did I just do?
And how the fuck am I gonna deal with this? I’ll try to tell you and make sense of it for you. First, the refractory period is what it is and there’s nothing you can do about it; secondly, okay, you broke the rules… not like you’re the only one who broke the rules because there’s a guy nearby who is probably feeling the same thing but it’s not fucking with him like it’s now fucking with you. Thirdly, take a very deep breath to calm yourself – you can do it – and instead of letting all those post-release emotions beat you down, focus on what’s really important in this, beginning with the fact that you just did something that confirmed a few things, namely, something you wanted to do and you were able to do it.
And highly important: You had fun doing it. You see, dear readers, the post-release feelings can be so overwhelming that a guy just forgets, albeit temporarily, that he did, in fact, have fun sucking and/or being sucked but because that sickening guilty feeling is so powerful, it’s all he can really think about. What is just important is how the guy you just did this with handles this post-release moment, beginning with asking you if you’re okay even though you, as sure as shit is what it is, aren’t feeling okay. Well, wait – you are but, eh, not so much.
For some guys, this moment of perfect clarity passes quickly or, the worst of the refractory period has passed and, for the record, it isn’t exactly the same every time – but it always happens. The problem comes in when a guy’s brain settles down and starts to process all that has happened and if they’re having a really bad refractory period, it can go a long way to making a guy change his mind about doing it again.
Did you really do something wrong? Truth is, no – not really and that’s despite what the social programming says. Yes, I know it’s hard to understand how this makes sense but trust me – it does make sense once you’re able to really think about it. But when you combine that nasty-assed refractory period with the social programming, it’s really gonna fuck with your head unless – and as I’ve been saying – you let your intellect handle the after-action reports.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking (I think): What about the guy who has cheated on his wife to do this? That makes him wrong, doesn’t it? Yes, it does – different kind of wrongness and one that could have legal implications but while some guys will think that, holy fuck, I just cheated on my wife/girlfriend, that’s usually the second though after after the more glaring one: I just had sex with a guy.
Some guys feel like a ton of shit after the fact; some guys are rather energized after the fact because their intellect kicked in quickly and informed them that, hey, this wasn’t as bad as they thought it would or as they’ve otherwise heard and, by the way, um, can we do this again if there’s time to do it?
It is incredibly difficult for some guys to accept that they’re feeling bisexual; it’s not all that easy to jump in there and do something because, once more, thinking and doing really aren’t the same things in every instance… and dealing with themselves after the fact can be unimaginably difficult and to the point where a guy will have this first experience… and never have another one. Many guys will hold off having a second experience so they can process the first one and to the best of their ability but one of the reasons why guys have so many problems trying to process this is not having someone they can talk to about this and as I’ve mentioned, when I’ve given his guy his first experience, I feel I have a duty not to leave him floundering with all of this emotional shit because I know how badly this can affect someone and the first question I’ll ask in this moment – and after asking him if he’s okay – is, “Did you have fun?” and because it’s important – and I think it is – to get him thinking about anything other than making himself sick thinking that he just committed the crime of the century.
It’s believed that we – bisexuals – just do this and without any regard to the consequences of our actions and, well, I just beg to differ with you because in that moment of perfect clarity, you are good and damned well very much aware of the consequences because shit just got really real. Some guys adjust well… and some never get their head around it and see what they did as the biggest mistake they could have ever made.
Which usually gets me asking them, “If it was such a horrible mistake, why did you go for it? I mean, you had to know that a lot of people do, in fact, believe that doing it with another guy is about as wrong as anything gets, right? Yet, here we are, sitting here and talking about it and after it’s all said and done, aren’t we?” I will even point out that he could have called a stop to things at any point… and he didn’t. And, yep, I’ve had guys tell me that they wanted to stop… and not so much and I don’t have the words to really explain this except to say it’s not all that unusual for these conflicting thoughts to show up.
The reason for this is to jump start his intelligence – to get him thinking about why he wanted and/or needed to do this in the first place because, again, those icky refractory period feelings have the ability to short-circuit one’s ability to look at what happened using their intellect. And this moment is just one hell of a game changer and more so if/when a guy cannot get past this moment of perfect clarity and a moment, I might add, that is really only a few seconds long and goes something like this: “Oh, shit! I’m gonna cum!” followed damned near instantaneously by, “What the fuck did I just do?”
His body is going, “Ahh, damn, that felt good!” but his mind is freaking out as the reality sets in: This dude just sucked me off… a dude! What really causes the severe conflict is them knowing that, uh, they enjoyed every moment of it, well, right up to those scant seconds after they busted their nut.
What about the guy who’s sucking cock for the first time but isn’t, at least in that moment, not being sucked? Oh, there’s a whole lot of shit going on inside their head and along the lines of, “I don’t believe I’m doing this” right along with, “I don’t believe I’m enjoying this!” In this situation, I’d have to say that it doesn’t get real until the other guy says, “Oh, shit… fuck… I’m gonna cum!” Now it’s decision time, believe it or not: Do I stop sucking him so he won’t cum in my mouth or do I keep going so he can cum in my mouth? Some guys stop… and some just kinda/sorta say, “Fuck it…” again; if they find the taste not their liking they either spit it out or, um, just deal with it and their mind will sort it out later.
Oh yeah… some guys don’t get that warning, not because the other guy doesn’t want to warn the newbie – there’s just no time to issue it; one moment it’s feeling more than wonderful and literally a split second later – oops.
Some guys, after sucking their first dick, do feel somewhat guilty because, over and over, the social programming is still screaming at them about doing what he wasn’t ever supposed to do. By and large, however, the worst of it is a guy giving his first blow job is centered around whether he enjoyed the experience as much as he thought he would and, yeah, there’s that whole acquired taste thing that might have to be thought about. Without going through that refractory period, eh, it’s probably hard to feel that sense of overwhelming guilt when you’re not the one busting the nut, not to say that a guy can’t feel guilty about breaking the taboo – it’s just that that moment isn’t always that bad.
In fact, it’s quite the ego trip and pretty exciting to finally learn that sucking a dick isn’t really all that bad – and spunk notwithstanding but, yeah, even guys who get their first taste of it often determine that it’s something they can deal with. If there’s something that plagues the first time cock sucker, it’s usually being worried about whether he’s doing a good job of it and whether the guy he’s sucking will think he’s doing a good job… and, yes, right along with the nagging thought in the back of his mind that is, again, screaming that he shouldn’t be doing it and sure as hell shouldn’t be having fun doing it.
I know this scribble has been going on for a while and for that I apologize… but it’s important that this moment be understood. It’s not what was done that’s really the problem: It’s what happens after the fact that’s problematic for a lot of people – and not just men, in case you were wondering. One winds up having to process the fact that they did it, has to make a determination on whether or not they enjoyed it, and then deal with any guilty feelings that may show up – and then hang around for a while until they can deal with it.
I’m just the guy who’ll tell you that not only does this happen, I’ll also tell you that some people adjust without any further issues… and some can’t adjust at all and the failure to adjust is rooted in their belief that they did something morally wrong (and marital infidelity notwithstanding for the purpose of this discussion) and, perhaps, not knowing about or understanding that damning refractory period that no one that I know of is immune to and one that can either make a person feel beyond wonderful… or so dirty and filthy that no amount of soap and water will ever get them “clean” again. It’s that moment that can make someone – anyone – feel “used” and, yeah, make them totally forget that before they were feeling this way, um, they were having one hell of a good time.
This moment of perfect clarity is a life-changing moment and one that could go either way: Either they’re gonna do it again… or they never will. I didn’t have the advantage of someone explaining this to me when I was growing up, which is exactly why I sit here and scribble these things – and because these things are some very necessary and important information for the budding bisexual looking to have their first experience and what to expect after they do – and even for those experienced bisexuals who have, indeed, noticed how they feel sometimes after sex but, until now, maybe they didn’t understand what’s really going on. It’s never about what you do – it’s about how you deal with it after you do it that truly matters the most.
I’ll leave y’all to think about all of this if you’re of a mind to and to let you know that if, even having the sex of your choice, you feel kinda/sorta shitty after the fact, there’s a reason why you do… and to ask what might be a rhetorical question: Why would you – or should you – feel guilty about something you wanted to do in the first place? And, just in case you happen to not believe any of this and require some proof, all you have to do is pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behavior – and your partner’s – right after you have sex: You might be surprised and more so if you happen to notice that, after the fact, you’re basking in something that isn’t quite that happy afterglow…
This should keep your mind occupied for a few, huh?