Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What’s Really Going On Here?

Not too long after Cityman kicked off a great discussion between us about straight guys who are interested in cock, he turns right around and sends me a link to a two-year old Reddit post where a guy asks – and I’m paraphrasing a little here – what is it with men in their forties and turning to having sex with men?  Some of the comments that weren’t of the “I don’t know” variety pointed to things generational and guys growing up in the 1980s and 1990s being taught that they could be and/or do anything if they put their minds to it, work hard, etc., and sexual attitudes were once again starting to loosen up after an explosive beginning back when the sexual revolution took everyone by storm and with the motto, “If it feels good, do it!”

The posting sparked another great conversation about whether or not this is really a generational or evolutionary kind of thing and, admittedly, I have the advantage of being into this before the 1980s arrived and had seen (and often first hand) where middle-aged guys “suddenly” developed an interest in having sex with other men or, in a lot of cases, they’re thinking about making a return to something they were doing before adulthood landed on them so now something they may have dismissed as youthful experimentation now takes on a very different meaning along with an inexplicable sense of urgency.  For the men who somehow managed not to get caught up in any experimentation, they’re often shocked to have gotten to their late thirties/early forties and after x-amount of time chasing (and catching) women and getting married, now they’re wondering what the hell is going on with them and this urge to find out what it’s like to play with a dick in some way.

Today, I get to interact with some of these guys on the bi forum and this “mid-life crisis” is usually a hot topic of discussion and it all sounds familiar to me because these guys are finding out what guys in past generations also discovered; of course, this is something new to them – well, those guys who never fooled around in their younger days – but there are a lot of guys who did fool around, stepped away from it to take up their manly duties but are now a bit baffled as to why a childhood dalliance has returned to haunt their thoughts and having their underwear stretched out of shape due to the constant erections they have… and wondering why this has returned with a vengeance.

I’m no expert by any means but even I noticed this way back in the day and wondered about it – I still wonder about it and because I’ve yet to find a definitive answer although I am aware of things that can happen in a man’s life that can trigger an entry into the world of man-sex or, again, a reentry and many of them are what I’d call social pressures from being unsuccessful with women, being stressed, depressed, frustrated and even wondering whether or not chasing women and screwing them is all there is to sex or, as I like to quote a guy who I talked to about this years ago, “Shit, I’ve done everything you can do with a woman so this is the next thing to try!”  And, yes, one can justifiably blame it on the alcohol and other intoxicants that are known to remove inhibitions.

Part of our discussion yesterday had to do with the conversation we had the other day, the premise that all men have homosexual tendencies.  Now, some folks like to leave that statement right there and cause a great many men to rise up (and not in an exciting way) and protest such a blanketed statement and to profess that they don’t have a homosexual bone in their bodies.  What’s more of an accurate statement is that the potential is there; it’s encoded into us over human evolution and I like to think in the way that famous science experiment done with flatworms work (but not as gruesome):  You take a flatworm and teach it to do something and once it has it down pat, you cut it up and feed it to other flatworms… who can now do the trick the original flatworm learned.  We know that somewhere in our evolutionary history, two guys “discovered” having sex with each other and despite what polite society wants to believe, the practice has been ongoing ever since and because it happen so long ago that there aren’t that many written records that have survived, one can reasonably say that dudes doing dudes is a learned behavior and similar to the flatworm experiment so that over the many generations of men, um, we’ve all “learned the trick” even if we never actually do it but even those who study sexual history say that the potential is there and that seems (at the least) plausible because, er, um, homosexuals still exist and bisexuals have existed right along side them.

Whether a guy actually does something along these lines or not is another topic of discussion but I’d point to the fact that boys will be boys and it is well-known that some boys do experiment in this area and while one can point to the onset of puberty and raging hormones as a reason, it seems to me that this huge surge of hormonal activity is, in and of itself, a trigger… but thanks to social conditioning, some guys react immediately and experiment while others avoid going down this path – or it just flat-out passes them over and maybe, just maybe, catches up with them later on… or even not at all.  Still, one of the points I made to Cityman is that this has always happened to middle-aged guys and, again, it can be reasonably assumed that it was happening before I was born so this really isn’t some new behavioral trait being displayed and I concede the fact that social attitudes about sex and specially homosexual sex have been changing over all this time and despite the angst that’s always been in place about such things.

Because there are guys out there right now, with or without prior experience, who wants to find out what it’s like to have some kind of sex with another man.  Thanks to the bi guy forum, I get to read about what’s on the minds of men who fit into this category and while none of this surprises me, what does surprise me isn’t that they want to do something – it’s what they want to experience or experience again that often has me saying to myself, “Wow.”  Yep, the proliferation of porn, thanks to the Internet, has been known to play a role in this and, at least in my opinion, is yet another trigger; in the pre-Internet days, it was other forms of porn like magazines or those infamous “dirty books” many dads would keep hidden from young, impressionable male minds and unsuccessfully so.  I’ve talked to a lot of guys who’ve said that they’ve been watching straight porn with unabashed glee and then find themselves wondering what it would be like to experience what the woman on the screen is experiencing when she sucks dick and gets screwed in her other available holes.  Some guys stumble upon gay porn and for some it’s like coming upon the scene of a bad accident:  You don’t want to look but you can’t keep yourself from looking and some guys look and they get triggered… and now it becomes a matter of what, if anything, happens after that moment and if they’ve decided to act, well, where’s the best place to start?

Some guys who have decided to act just dive right in and do it all the first chance they get but for other guys, it’s like a progression – they start small and graduate from there based on what they’re learning.  A lot of guys start with mutual masturbation – and that’s after they get over any modesty issues they might have being naked in front of another man.  Some guys start here and stay here but it always seemed to me – and having gone through this progression with guys – that it starts with jerking each other off and somewhere along the line the thought of taking the dick in their mouth just seems to be the next logical thing to do; guys have said that they’ve been pulling the other guy’s pud and they suddenly want to find out what his cock will taste and feel like in his mouth and, yeah, even though they know what might happen if they do; some guys have a problem with this, some don’t but that’s a different discussion.  A lot of guys get to the blow job “phase” of the progression and stop there but, yeah, some guys take the next and “final” step and move onto anal sex and either being the one doing the poking or being the one getting poked.

Again, that this happens once a guy gets triggered no longer surprises me but what does is when I see a middle age guy write that even though he’s yet to have sex with another guy, he knows, without any doubt or uncertainty, that his craving for cock will only be satisfied when he can find another guy who will fill his mouth and ass with hard dick and, oh, yeah, some of these guys say that they don’t watch gay porn because, um, you know, that would be horribly embarrassing and all that.  What amazes me is how some guys can know this and more so if they’ve never done this before and, porn aside, wow, just trying to think about this kinda makes my brain lock up and the best I can do with this is to think that once they’ve been triggered, they’ve had time to think about what they want to experience and as some have said, what turns them on the most is to be a bottom and to be taken by a man and in the way a guy would do a woman.  Some guys want to start small and ask how they can find a jerk-off buddy while some guys skip this step and what they want to do is to suck cock – and I’m talking about the guys with no prior experience.  One of the forum’s recurring topics comes from those middle-aged guys who now have an irresistible urge to blow another guy and taste his spunk… and many don’t care if the favor gets returned or not and some of those middle-aged guys are not fans of being sucked.

Are you scratching your head?  Yeah, so am I and that’s despite my having seen guys go through this and it all still makes me wonder if is “just” ongoing evolutionary process, a lessening of social angst, or even a bit of both.  I even suggested to Cityman (and not for the first time) that all he had to do was to look at his own initiation into this kind of sex to get an idea of how a guy can get triggered “late in life,” as well as examples of what could have triggered him and, then, how easily albeit nervously, he had his first encounter with a guy.  I like to yank his chain a little and ask him if he noticed that when he sucked the other guy’s cock, how natural the idea was and, for added chain-yanking, how he seemed to know exactly how to do something that he never did before that moment and, oh, yeah, he did it without even thinking about it.  I mean, I see lots of guys on the forum (and have talked to many more in the past) and I noticed that while a scant few of them want to know how to suck cock, ah, many of them want to know what it will be like for them more than wondering how to actually go about doing it… and there’s a reason for that and, methinks, beyond which can be reasonably assumed and unless proven otherwise, there must be some evolutionary thing at work here and perhaps alongside of the obvious; they’ve had women suck them so they’ve seen it done so how to do it isn’t really the question… but it doesn’t explain the many guys who have never had a blow job, does it?  Well, porn would be an acceptable answer if a guy watched it… and not all guys do (despite popular belief) so maybe it’s just a matter of they know that it can be done and they just take it from there.

What’s really going on here?  At best I have an idea based on what I’ve observed and experienced and I know and accept that I could be wrong.  I’ve seen articles that try to explain this and some tend to point at things that, frankly, doesn’t jive with my experiences and observations and often just flat-out doesn’t make a lot of sense to me which, really, only speaks to the fact that scientifically, we really don’t know why this happens with some men later in life (post-puberty).  I think it’s a good thing that we’re trying to get a handle on this, which speaks to the lessening of the social angst and more so when there are a lot of men (in particular) who are experiencing this and they need answers, not about what to do but why this is happening to them now… or they need to revisit things they gave up on so long ago.

Does life’s many pressure points push people to being bisexual… or is there something primal that resides in all of us that just lies dormant until activated in some way?  Some guys get triggered… and do nothing except maybe wonder where this came from so despite what the biphobia crowd likes to think, this isn’t always a matter of thinking and doing being the same thing… but, yeah, some guys do think and eventually do.  Oh, and if you’re wondering if women go through this kind of thing, it’s a good question and one that I don’t have an answer to other than some women have told me that they’ve wondered about it but remain mum about whether they actually checked it out or not but, ah, just because they don’t (or won’t) talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen with them as well.

Why bother talking about stuff like this?  It’s because people tend to pay more attention to what a bisexual may or may not be doing and not so much why they’re doing… or just thinking about doing.  Perhaps it’s just my opinion but paying attention to what bisexuals do doesn’t really tell the whole story and that’s even if anyone cares to know the why of this.  But for bisexuals, both active and those who are itching to be active, this can be helpful information for them when they’re sitting around and wondering why they have such a strong urge to play with a dick in some way when, to their knowledge, they’ve had no inclination before.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Wishful Thinking?

From time to time, my Padawan learner, Cityman, will share articles from Queerty (http://www.queerty.com) that tends to spark some interesting conversation between us.  For those of you who have never heard of this site (and I hadn’t until Cityman told me about it), it seems to be a pro-gay man site that has overtones of a great interest in making or convincing straight men to be homosexual men, often featuring articles written by SMEs – subject matter experts – who illustrate some stuff that, at a high level, is rather well-known like all men have homosexual tendencies (yeah, it’s true and was proven way before I was even born)… but because many straight guys do not act on this potential, well, Queerty likes to state that heterosexual men should stop faking the funk and give in to their gayness.

If you’re now having a good laugh at this, join the party; I’ve read some shit on this site that I find to be patently ridiculous at times, overstating the obvious at others, and chock full of wishful thinking but what’s even more eye-rolling is reading the comments posted for any given article, which are pro-gay, usually anti-bi, and when I read them, shit, I can hear fingers snapping, heads bobbing back and forth, and eyes rolling as the commenting membership there offers up their opinions that are usually around the theme as mentioned at the end of my last paragraph:  Stop being in denial, admit that you want to be gay, and start giving up the dick and ass like you know you want to.

The last couple of articles Cityman presented me with talked about how the bro job (y’all remember this one, don’t you?) has transformed into something being called “dude sex” and how guys in rural America who are straight and married with children have embraced the concept of the bro job eagerly while maintaining that they’re still heterosexual.  In the article about the guys in rural America, the author postulated that these men can engage in bro jobs (or even dude sex, whatever the fuck that really means) with a clear conscious because there’s no sexual attraction happening between them and their equally straight and married partners; it’s just two guys helping each other out whenever the situation calls for some help, from being bored silly to being lonely and in need of companionship.

The transformation of the bro job to dude sex, well, I admit that this one mystified me because even though I’ve always known that the bro job exists, I also know that whatever happens isn’t always merely a blow job; it’s not unusual for a bro job to start with a blow job and end with backsides being penetrated and with or without intent.  I got the impression that the author of this particular piece was trying to convince readers that a bro job is specifically one thing… but because there seems to be some “evidence” that it doesn’t stop there, this dude sex thing is a new kind of critter…

Which it isn’t and, again, never was but Queerty tends to put such a spin on such articles to once again confirm their agenda and “belief” that straight men – and men this site seems to be fixated on – are really more gay than they’re willing to admit.  Do some straight guys engage in bro job activities?  Yes.  Do they do more than suck each other off?  Yes.  Is it often a matter of convenience?  Yes.  Does any of this mean that these guys are as straight as they say they are?  Um, no; even I’d only say that if they only did the bro job thing once but if they keep doing it when the opportunity presents itself, sorry my man – you’re not as straight as you want to believe.  But does this mean that any of these guys are really and truly gay… or they want to be gay?

Oh, fuck no!

Now, the part about the lack of sexual attraction lending itself to the statement that guys who engage in this are still straight had me laughing because I know – even if it’s not believed – that sex between men can happen with or without sexual attraction and if there is an attraction, it’s to the sex itself and not so much to the person.  Sure, if the two guys know each other, are deemed to be safe and can keep the secret, dicks will get sucked and sexual attraction be damned.  Indeed, I see lots of guys on the bi forum site who confess and profess that they just do not feel sexually attracted to men… but the thought of playing with a dick in some way is overwhelmingly powerful and, oh, yeah, some of these guys say they believe they’re bi and some usually start their post out with a statement about being a straight dude.  On the site, some members denounce the lack of sexual attraction thing as if such a thing isn’t possible… but this is that difference between how someone thinks shit should work and how it can really work.  And the dudes that comment on Queerty seem to be just as guilty when it comes to this notion; one guy commented that some sexual attraction had to be in place because it doesn’t make sense to have sex with someone you’re not attracted to.

To me, this guy doesn’t know as much about humans as he thinks he does and kinda/sorta doesn’t know shit about how men, in particular, can behave when they wanna get their rocks off.  One guy commented with a saying often heard in reference to the US Navy – “Any port in a storm…” which is a more accurate statement and speaks to the opportunistic nature of men:  If we can have sex and we need to have it badly enough, anyone who says yes will serve the purpose and if there’s no sexual attraction to the “target,” eh, no big deal because the focus is solely on getting their nuts emptied and by any means necessary.

What I’ve yet to deduce is why this site seems to be hell-bent on converting straight men into gay men and along the way dismissing male bisexuality.  To me, it’s a lot of wishful thinking on the site’s part as well as the responding membership. I get that wanting a chance to seduce a straight guy into some sex is damned attractive and along the lines of how some guys just drool all over themselves at the thought that they might be getting ready to screw a virgin.  To dedicate a website to the unseemly notion that all straight men want to and should be homosexual says some things that, honestly, no one should take seriously so if nothing else, what’s written on this site and the resulting comments tend to be entertaining while speaking to a very narrow view of human sexuality, i.e., being homosexual is the only way for anyone to be and any straight guy who resist this “fact of life” is in need of a very serious attitude adjustment and the sooner, the better.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Three the Hard Way

One of the topics that seems to experience bursts of activity is one about MMM encounters and the number of men wanting to have this experience doesn’t surprise me as much as I have a sense that they might not know or understand that as wonderful as this can sound, um, sometimes it isn’t.

If you think that getting two guys together for sex and be… interesting, adding another guy (or more) gets really interesting and more so when some acts of group sex are kinda scripted, even in an individual’s mind as they think about what they want to experience and, often, what they’re not gonna do.  Now, I’d never say that getting together with a couple of your best buds and spending time making each other cum isn’t a fun thing to do because it is… as long as everyone is in the same page about how the nut busting is gonna take shape.  If you’re not into anal sex but one or more of the guys with you are eager to fill your butt, eh, he’s not gonna disrespect your wishes… but it might be in your head that, in the heat of the moment, he might try to bone you and if you’re worried about this, chances are you’re not paying much attention to anything else going on.

Likewise, of sucking cock – or being sucked – isn’t you’re thing to do, ya might find yourself sitting on the sidelines and doing some mood killing spectating while dicks are being happily devoured… and you’re left sitting there stroking your ever-shrinking dick.  Or, if there’s a lot of kissing and cuddling going on and that’s not your cup of tea, well, things might not be as much fun as you hoped.

One of the things I thought about, as I read the new comments, is the notion that seems to suggest that three dedicated bottoms getting together to have a threesome isn’t going to work any more than three tops going for the same thing so in order for a MMM to be successful – at least in theory – is to include guys who are the opposite of your preferred role or, at the very best,  everyone involved is more of a versatile leaning.

You can, if you choose to, believe me when I tell you that nothing will trash a MMM threesome faster than finding yourself lying between a guy’s legs and doing what you wanted to do – sucking the life out of his dick – only to suddenly find that your back door is being invaded and, um, you’d rather not experience that or, really, anything that’s not on your list of things to do.

It’s probably just my opinion that some guys are paying attention to what they want to do and not so much attention to what could happen in the heat of the moment… and, yeah, unexpected shit can happen even though most people are of the mind that it’s not supposed to.  Ah, I could spent quite a bit of time sharing horror stories with you of how every MMM I’ve ever been a part of went straight to hell and all because someone failed to expect the unexpected.

I know what you might be thinking.  You’re thinking that if the terms of the MMM have been laid out and agreed to, then all parties are expected and required to abide by them at all times… and I’m the guy who’ll tell you that it doesn’t always happen like that and that this just a concern you have about the other participants…

Because if you’re not prepared to surprise yourself and find yourself doing something you previously said you weren’t gonna do, I can’t say whether or not you’d be pleasantly surprised or not and more so if you believe that you’re not capable of such a thing. Like, there was this impromptu MMM that happened and one of the guys said that he wanted to join in but he didn’t suck cock and wasn’t going to but he’d watch me and the third guy do it.  Okay, no big deal, homie – it’s your loss and all that.

Well, the cock sucking was getting very deep and the guy trying to suck the black off of me suddenly stopped and blurted out, “What the hell?”  I looked up and the guy who said he didn’t suck cock was sucking it like his life depended on it… but that’s not what broke the party up – that happened when this cock sucking newbie was warned that an explosion was imminent (several times) and he didn’t stop sucking and, well, you know what happened, right?

The newbie killed the whole thing because he got very pissed off, not because he got a mouthful of cum but – and get this – we “made him” do something he said he’d never do and, yeah, he even got it into his head that this was a fighting offense.  You’re probably laughing about this or maybe doubting that such a thing happened but it did and it was funny – at least to me – and while he was ranting and raving over what we “made” him do, I asked a questions:  “What, you didn’t think that such a thing was possible to happen?”

Apparently, he didn’t and that’s exactly why when someone says that doing a MMM sounds like a good idea, well, I say that you’d best be prepared for anything to happen and despite any prior agreements.  I cannot stress enough that, yes, agreements can and do be abided by and things go well… just don’t kid yourself into believing that shit doesn’t, can’t, and won’t happen.  Oh, and if you’re wondering if I mentioned this to the MMM fantasizers, um, no – I didn’t.

Because while forewarned is forearmed, sometimes you do have to find out what it will be like for yourself…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: More on Late Bloomers

Over the years, I’ve talked to many men (and women) who, for whatever reason, arrived late to the bisexual party, from those who never really thought about it to those folks who had the thought running around in the back of their minds but either never had the time or opportunity to do anything about it or passed up opportunities for whatever reason made sense to them.  Some guys aren’t really late bloomers in that sense; let’s just say that they found reason to return to something that they experienced earlier in life and some had a lot of time to think about those early experiences and finally getting around to accepting that it was a fun thing to do and getting back into it is a good idea.

While one can talk to a late bloomer and find out the reasons why they’re late, what seems to remain unknown is why there are guys (and gals) develop the sense that being heterosexual just isn’t working for them.  I know I’ve tried to find a pattern or that one thing I could point to that would explain being tardy – and I’ve been trying to figure this one out for a long time – and, nope, I cannot point to any one thing and especially with the folks who’d never entertained doing such a thing… but now they have a very intense desire to do it.

There was a time when I believed that a guy just did not wake up one day and think, “Today’s a good day to suck a dick!”  Once I started talking to guys who, for the most part, were doing just that, I had to rethink things and, no, it didn’t help when they’d also say that they had no idea why this thought popped into their head.  It seems improbable that a guy who had no sexual interest in other men could “suddenly” develop such an interest but some studies do cite what’s known as latency – call it a delayed reaction if it helps clarify things.  While some guys get visited by bisexuality “early on,” for some guys it never arrives in the early going but they get in the neighborhood of 35 or so… and all of a sudden sucking a dick (or some other M2M sex) is pretty damned fascinating… and the majority of guys I’ve talked to about this has all said, almost to a man, “I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this!”

For instance, there was a guy I worked with and one day, he was seriously out of sorts and I happened to ask him if he was okay.  He sat and thought for a moment and asked me, “Can I tell you something?”

I said that he could… and he began to tell me that when he got to work, he got onto the elevator and there was another guy present when the doors opened.  He spoke to the guy, the guy returned the greeting… and he found himself struck by a desire to have sex with the guy and, to be expected, this happily married guy became quite distraught.  “What the fuck is going on?” he asked.

And I couldn’t really explain it to him, other to say that I was aware that something like this does happen to some guys.  Of course, he asked if it ever happened to me and, yeah, I wound up telling him that I had been playing with dicks for quite some time so, no, I never had this hit me like a bolt out of the blue… but he wasn’t the only guy I knew that had this land on them like a ton of bricks.  When he asked what, if anything he should do about it, wow, that was harder to answer other to break a rule and answer his question with a question:  “Um, well, what do you want to do?”

We wound up meeting after work to continue this discussion and I explained, as best I could, that just because there’s this incredible urge to do something, it might not be prudent… but chances were good that until he actually did something, he was gonna find himself greatly preoccupied by this – and I told him right up front that asking me what I’d do in that situation wouldn’t help him one bit since, um, if I wanted to suck a dick, I’d go suck a dick and not give it a second thought.  He said, “It seems I have some serious thinking to do…” and I agreed that this was true.  Now, I don’t know whether or not he did something or not but it was just one more thing that told me that, yeah, some guys do wake up one morning and think playing with a dick is a damned important thing to do.

Some guys experiment early on and some guys who are late to the party have admitted that, growing up, they had plenty of opportunities to experiment – but didn’t.  Guys like my protegé could point to exact moments in time where things were leading up to a M2M sexual encounter but nothing happened… but they couldn’t shake the thought that something should have happened.  It’s interesting that some guys can “go back in time” and note every time a near miss occurred… and more so once they had their first experience.   And in the case of most of the late bloomers I know, they’ve all pretty much said, “I don’t know why I never did this before now!”

The only thing that can be said at this point is that things happen when they’re supposed to happen – I guess.  It’s not like it can’t be figured out why it took “Earl” thirty-five years to have a need to have sex with another guy to make itself known and something the police use when investigating crimes could explain it – it’s called MMO or Motive, Means, and Opportunity.  Some guys did (or do) have opportunity and perhaps even means… but without motive, nothing happens although motive can be as “simple” as being really horny.  However, motive and opportunity doesn’t seem to work without means being present – yeah, this is some really weird shit when you – or if you – care to think about it so while a lot of guys can have motive – being incredibly horny – without means and opportunity, nothing happens.  And, yes, strangely enough, even when MMO has been satisfied, that doesn’t guarantee that something will happen;  “Mark” and “Josh” could be hanging out and MMO is all over them like a wet blanket and they both know that something needs to happen… but it doesn’t for some reason.  I’d have to say that fear is a major contributing factor in this situation, i.e., what will people think if they knew I did this?  I’ve been in those moments and the other guy(s) have said, “I wanted to but…” and the “but” was “I was afraid to.”

Is it weird that a very heterosexual guy would “suddenly” not want to be so heterosexual?  Nah, not really but explaining it, as you can see, isn’t that simple.  Yesterday, I wrote about triggering events and there are a lot of them that have nothing to do with being dissatisfied with sex with women; something like getting laid off of a job or some other really stressful situation can be a trigger and, sure, as mentioned, having one drink too many can complete the combination on the lock to one’s inhibitions and when the dust clears, a guy who has never sucked a dick or even though about doing such a thing has not only done it but found it enjoyable.  Some have suggested that watching porn could be a contributing factor to late-blooming because “Carl” can’t watch some dude laying pipe to a babe without actually focusing on the cock in her mouth or other orifice and maybe, just maybe, a thought pops into their head that they may or may not be aware of:  “I wonder what it’s like to do that to a guy?”  Does this seem unlikely?  I can’t say that it is since I’ve heard of guys “confessing” that they got interested in dick watching heterosexual porn.

Is it some evolutionary response to things that have been encoded into the male genome over all this time?  Something that just lies dormant and unnoticed until it wakes up… and if it wakes up at all?  I sure as hell don’t know but maybe it’s plausible since late-blooming bisexual men are still popping up all over the place and prior experience notwithstanding.  I mean, it can be explained with guys who “fooled around” when younger; they did it before so, ah, why not do it again and for no other reason because they want to and can?  The guys without prior experience, well, they’re just a mystery to me; for some, it seems to be akin to a logical progression, like those guys who’ve told me that they’ve done everything they could do with a woman and doing things with a guy just makes sense to them and answers the question, “Is this all there is to having sex?”

Apparently not and as many late bloomers are discovering…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Late Bloomers”

A guy on the bi guy forum wrote that he’s noticed there’s a lot of guys in their forties looking to play with dick and wondered why this is; responses by some of the members tried to cover the “obvious” reasons which had me kinda rolling my eyes a little because while some of what they said is true, they really kinda overlook the obvious or, if you will, what seems obvious to me.

That there’s an explosion of men aged 35-65 who are interested in cock does seem rather strange given that, historically, guys experiment with dick earlier on in their pre-teen or early into their teenage years and sometimes as late as nineteen.  While some guys do this and keep right on going, others give it up and turn their focus to women, being husbands and fathers, working their fingers to the bone – the usual and expected man stuff.  But it seems that once a guy gets in the neighborhood of 35, a strange thing happens, i.e., they get interested in doing something that they’ve not done in at least twenty years but, even stranger is that men who have never experimented with this have a hankering to play with another man’s cock.

While the membership cited things like women being funny about giving up the booty (married or not), there’s been this… thing that says that men hit their sexual peak in their twenties and then it’s all down hill after that and that was once true… a very long time ago and I’m not sure whether this remains true today because many men are discovering that the older they get, the more sex they want and even if they’re not having any issues getting sex from women.  It’s not like these guys don’t know that if you find that you “suddenly” need more and different sex, well, maybe it’s time to investigate or revisit playing with another man’s cock in some way.  Now, ya might be wondering why a guy who has never had any desire to do anything like this suddenly decide this might be a fun thing to do… and you’re not the only one.

There are so many things that are happening in the background and some of which a guy facing this couldn’t explain even if they wanted to and there are a lot of factors that can clump up, both physical and psychological that makes taking this leap seem to be a logical thing to do… if one is interested in spending more time busting nuts and in a different, yet prohibited, way.  Some guys in the 35-65 age demographic “simply” feel that they’ve done all they can do with women and, shit, there has to be something more they can do to bust more nuts, oh, like maybe they’ve finally decided to stop ignoring that nugget of curiosity that, over time, has been quietly whispering a question in their ear:  “I wonder what it’s like to suck a guy’s dick (or be sucked by a guy)…?” or “What would it be like jerk some guy off (and be jerked off)…?” and, yeah, even “I wonder what it would be like to get fucked?”  Ah, you might be thinking that well-adjusted, heterosexual men don’t think like this but they do… even if a guy would tell you that he’s never thought about it because that little nugget of curiosity operates below one’s conscious level and, besides, who doesn’t know that there are men who love to have sex with other men?

We know this even if only because we’ve been told that it’s immoral and sinful; some guys watch porn and it’s not a stretch of the imagination that a fascination about dick could develop when they’re sitting there, cocks harder than times in 1929, and their eyes locked onto the heady sight of a rather large cock burrowing its way into a woman’s ass or pussy or to watch her being fed that huge cock… and that nugget wakes up and whispers, “You wanna do that, don’t you, you know, just to find out what the big deal is, huh?”  I mean, what guy hasn’t been lying back and watching a woman blow him and wonder why she likes doing it so much if/when she does it?  What guy sits and watches porn, sees dicks getting sucked and feels frustrated and/or angry that women he’s been with (and the woman he’s currently with) have never wanted to suck his cock, let alone suck him off and he finds himself wishing that someone would, for once in their lives, give him a full and complete blowjob that’ll curl his toes and end years of frustration and anger about this?  And, again, what guy doesn’t know that there are men who love to suck dick?

Once the thought gets seeded, it begins to grow – but that doesn’t mean the guy is gonna run out right then and there and go play with a dick; no, it also seems that conditions also have to line up in a certain way and in a cumulative effect that just waits to be triggered in some way, from reaching a breaking point in their frustration with their lives to, uh-huh, having one drink too many and all their inhibitions and protective measures have been shut down and they find themselves in the right place at the right time and with the right guy.

If there are people who find this to be unusual, well, it really isn’t all that unusual and more so if you know anything about men and the fixation on sex that’s hard-coded into us.  Yes, some guys become late bloomers because they’re not getting enough sex or whatever sex they are getting isn’t as satisfying as they’d like or they just wanna do something different and for some late bloomers, the thought of sucking on another guy’s cock and making him cum just seems like a very exciting – if not deliciously scary – thing to do.  Some guys find themselves at their wit’s end dating women and trying to convince them to give up the booty, which is always a problem because men look for sex and find a relationship while women look for a relationship and find sex.  And even back in the 1970s, I’ve heard so many guys stipulate that the only way they’d let some dude suck their dick is if it became difficult for them to get pussy; some emphatically said that they’d have to be drunk and very horny before something like that happened.

And sometimes, those things wind up happening to them; they might not immediately be spurred into action… but it’s in their head now and until they actually do something, it’s just gonna be there and keep fucking with them until they act… if they can – but that’s a different kettle of fish…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Stuck in Place

Not much activity on the bi guy forum but when checking out a new comment made to an existing thread, my attention was caught by something the guys said, that being along the lines that he wanted to avoid romantic entanglements with men and inadvertently leading them on… but he also wanted to avoid the quick, NSA hookup that he has issues with and, as such, he’s looking for a FWB to have his first experience with a man.

As I’ve been writing here of late, one of the things I think about seems to be a universal kind of question asked by these men in particular and, perhaps, by other bi guys everywhere:  “Why can’t I find a guy to have sex with?”

Those of you who have been following me might remember that one of the things I say about this – and sex in general – is that it seems to me that we make this more difficult and complicated than it has to be.  Yes, it’s a purely defensive measure and in line with Rule Number One:  Look after your own ass first.  Or, to swipe something from fighting sports, protect yourself at all times.  The problem isn’t that there aren’t like-minded men from coast to coast, border to border; I’m thinking that in the United States, it’s probably statistically impossible that there’s anywhere in this country where there are no bisexual men or even homosexual men who want to have sex man to man.  It’s understood that the development of personal sexual preferences are a major requirement… but what might not be understood is that the more you set conditions and narrow down those preferences, that doesn’t make having sex easier:  It makes it harder to accomplish.

When you have guys saying what this guy did on the site, he’s put himself in the worst possible situation and more so if his requirements for the ideal FWB as been welded firmly in place:  Whatever he wants to do with another man isn’t going to happen with everything put on total lock down.  We see, repeatedly, a situation where the logic of this situation winds up failing in the face of emotional concerns, i.e., I can tell a guy, after hearing exactly why he has yet to get the dick he wants, that if he wants to make it happen, doesn’t it make sense to not be so restrictive?  No, you don’t really want to throw all caution to the wind but if I point out to him where he can loosen the noose enough to have the experience he wants, he can easily agree that easing up on some stuff will have positive results… but the emotional “turmoil” will override common sense, intelligence and logic and leave him stuck in place.

Those of you who have been following me have also seen me write that when it comes to getting laid, we often become our own worst enemies and, as such, makes a lot of people ask, “Why is it so hard for me to get laid when I need to get laid?”  Many people will point to the fact that they just cannot find the right person or, if they think they have, the person cannot be trusted or, worse, they can’t trust themselves for some reason.  When we talk about the problems with bisexuality in men and women, this particular one is a true killer of one’s sexual dreams in this regard.  It’s not that they really can’t find someone to have this kind of sex with so it’s not really the “fault” of anyone else other than themselves.

Some of this fits that definition of insanity quite well…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Biphobia… Real or Imagined?

I was just reading something another WordPress blogger wrote about biphobia and one of the things I’ve noticed about this – and since I’ve been bisexual for a very long time now – is that this biphobic rhetoric resembles the same bullshit that was being said about homosexuals and almost verbatim except they’ve added the “fact” that being bisexual is just a stopping off point on the route of being homosexual.

What I know – and what the folks who are freaking out about this trash talking don’t know – is that this “phobia” has always been around and all they’ve done is change the target of their ire and, again, I have the advantage of having already heard of all this shit before, from “you’re just going through a phase” to “you’re really gay – so why don’t you just admit it” so I know that what’s really going on isn’t the fact that I might be in denial about my sexuality:  It’s that they’re in denial about the real fact that despite what they’ve been told, what they believe, or what they think, yes, there are people who aren’t straight or gay.

That bisexuals get upset about this is actually understandable because no one likes to be called something that they know they aren’t.  I seem to remember getting into a discussion about this with someone some time ago and they were insisting that not only is biphobia real but I should be seriously concerned about it and society’s attempts to erase bisexuals; I recall giving them a “LMAO” and saying that I don’t understand why I should be all that worried about something that cannot be done and, being a student of history, if society tried to erase homosexuals and that didn’t work, how can they even think and/or believe that mere words are going to erase bisexuals?  They came back and said that because I wasn’t buying into this “threat,” I was adding to the problems of biphobia and bi-erasure… but when I asked them to explain this, they declined to do so.

But, you see, I was talking to someone who didn’t know that this “phobia” and “erasure” shit has been around for centuries – it’s not a new thing; they just took the rhetoric that pertained to homosexuals and applied it to bisexuals so while many people see this as being new, to me – and other bisexuals from my era – this is the same old shit wrapped in a different package.  Still, it comes down to the matter of what you, the bisexual, is going to believe:  What you know about yourself… or something that’s basically someone’s opinion on something that they don’t know a damned thing about?  And then one must consider the source of this which, as far as I’ve been able to investigate, is coming from gay folks more than straight folks – and, yes, there are straight folks who believe that people should only be straight (because the bible says so) or they should be either straight or gay.

People say this and there are bisexuals all over the world saying, “Really?”  This is a case of just because you think/believe this is true doesn’t mean that it is true, like an ongoing theme I’ve been seeing that says that straight men are in denial about their homosexual desires… and this theme is being pushed by homosexual men who seem to have the hots for straight men for some reason I’ve not seen them really explain.  What seems to be going on with this particular thing is that they’re taking a bit of scientific fact – some straight men do think about playing with a dick, even if they don’t do it consistently or as a matter of course – and then putting a huge spin on it and, get this, some gay men are telling straight men the same thing they say to bisexual men, i.e., you should stop being a fake and admit that you’re really gay like we are.

Once upon a time, humans thought that the world was flat and if you sailed too close to the edge, you were gonna fall off; once upon a time, humans believed that the Earth was the center of the solar system and everything else revolved around it.  There’s a lot of shit that we used to believe that we no longer believe, right?  Except when it comes to sexuality and it’s totally fucking insane to keep believing that homosexuals and bisexuals don’t exist when they’ve always existed.  I know that some keep believing this because they want to believe it and for their own peace of mind, they have to believe it; otherwise, they face the very daunting task of completely revising their view of the world to include the fact that there are, indeed, men and women who enjoying having sex with other men and women.  There are those who believe that bisexuals do exist (yay!) but it’s conditional:  It’s men or women because accepting that it’s men and women is just wrong, being greedy – you know what’s being said.

The bottom line, like it or not, is that this crap is opinion, not fact.  I’ve had this conversation with a whole lot of people over a great many years and it’s just funny to see how they react when you tell them that sexuality isn’t static and that people do, in fact, change their minds about their sexuality and for whatever reason makes sense to them.  They’ll say, “I don’t know why anyone would want to make such a change…” and even when I’ve explain the many reasons why people would do just that, something curious happens:  They agree that what I’ve told them does make sense… but they still don’t believe it.  For instance, I was talking to Cityman about this one day and he was telling me that a gay friend of his was giving him a load of shit about being bisexual and that he should pick a side and stay there and he didn’t see the attraction of having sex with women.  Cityman told him, basically, if you really wanna know, go have sex with a woman and the gay man almost had a stroke and insisted that he could never change his mind about his sexual preference.

But that’s a lie; sure, we’re expected to pick a side… but who says you can’t change your mind if you have a reason to?  Cityman told this gay man about another gay man he knows who has sex with women on occasion… and Cityman was told that this was impossible and I know the only reason why the guy said this is that he believes it’s impossible.  Lesbians have been known to actually have sex with men, even if for the purpose of getting pregnant, given that the costs of IVF can be pretty damned expensive and these women who want to be mothers are usually branded as traitors to the lesbian cause… because it’s believed that a woman who loves women would never, ever, have a reason to want to be screwed by a guy.

So when you take in all of this (and a lot more), it’s easier to refute bisexuality than it is to accept the fact that there are bisexuals and that all of the shit being said against bisexuals is, at best, stereotypical claptrap and, again, a matter of opinion more than true facts.  I always tell the people who run around spreading biphobia that if you really wanna know what this is about, ask a bisexual… and many just won’t do that because it would invalidate everything they believe about this.  I mean, seriously, do you really believe that if you masturbate, you’re gonna go blind?  If you don’t believe this, um, why you would you believe that there’s no such animal as a bisexual human being?  And then there’s this:

If bisexuals don’t really exist and all that shit, um, what are y’all pitching a bitch about?  Think about this one for a moment…