Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: No “Off Switch”

One of the phrases I often hear that gets me making faces or rolling my eyes are the many people who says this about their bisexuality: It’s not something I’d do all of the time. Many others seem to think that bisexuality is something that can be turned on and off at will and I’ve not been all that sure why they think this way other than, perhaps, it has something to do with it not being something they’d do all of the time.

Which is “silly” since taking a trip over to the other side really isn’t something someone – or even everyone – does all of the time; you do it when you want to and if you can. You’ve seen me write time and time again that bisexuals aren’t straight or gay exclusively so and that we really are straight… until we do something that’s considered to be gay. I think many bisexuals get caught up in that thinking is doing thing and if they’re not doing, their bisexuality is turned off but, um, how do you turn off your mind? Sure, you can tell yourself that you’re not going to think about it but, oddly, if you’re thinking about not thinking about it, you’re thinking about it – just not in the context of doing something about whatever it is that you’re not gonna think about.

Sometimes, it’s not something one would do all of the time because there are other things in one’s life that have to be taken care of and, yeah, that asshole Murphy just loves to take a good plan to do something and just trash the shit out of it. I remember talking to someone about this quite a few years ago and they were talking about how their bisexuality spends more time being off than on and I found this analogy to be puzzling because my bisexuality has been locked in the on position ever since it got flipped to that position; even when I’m not “being bisexual,” I’m still very much bisexual and, of course, “being bisexual” means getting some dick… because even when I’m getting pussy, that’s still me being bisexual and, yep, the straight part that a lot of people – and as I’ve said before – don’t seem to give much thought to.

I remember a woman telling me that I couldn’t be bisexual and just shut that shit down… and I wanted to know how that was even possible. Yes, I could not get some dick when I craved it… but even when I’m not getting any dick, I’m still bisexual and there’s only one way I know of to well and truly flip that switch to the off position and that way tends to be rather permanent, if you catch my drift. Someone else asked me if there was ever a time when I wasn’t thinking about it and I said that as far as I knew, nope since I know I have zero control over my brain’s ability to get me to thinking about something when I have “more important” things to think about or those moments when I’m focused on something and my brain sees fit to say, “You know, sucking some dick would be a nice thing right about now!”

Well, yeah, it would be… if I wasn’t doing what I was doing before you “rudely” interrupted me and thanks for that, by the way – now I have to regather my thoughts… asshole.

The thing that kinda “escapes” me is why there are so many people who firmly believe that bisexuality is all about doing and, seemingly, not understanding that a lot about bisexuality isn’t about doing: It’s about thinking and feeling. Indeed, I get to see a lot of guys talking about how their urge for dick comes and goes and some of them are of a mind that something must be wrong when, in fact, nothing is wrong; if you’re craving dick then you start craving pussy, well, yeah – your bisexuality is working just fine and not being able to get the dick you’re craving, well, sometimes you can’t… but it’s still in your head even when – and I’ll say generically, “most of the time,” when one gets that craving, they tend to go out of their way to not think about it… and like their brain is really going to let them do that and, yeah, when you’re thinking about all of the reasons why you shouldn’t and/or can’t get some the way you want to, you’re still thinking about it…

Because there is no off switch to bisexuality except that rather final switch flip. I tell others that I am all bisexual all of the time and it’s not just because of what I’m doing; it’s also how I think and how I feel and having people tell me that I shouldn’t think or feel this way is, at least to me, patently unrealistic since, um, this is how I’m thinking and feeling even when I’m not doing anything or even able to.

There’s a reason why a lot of bisexuals fervently wish that these thoughts and feelings would go away… and keep feeling some kind of way to learn that, nope – they’re not going anywhere. That switch got flipped to the on position and there’s no turning it off and it’s like a very wise woman once told me: There’s nothing you can do about the way you feel; you can only do something about what you do about those feelings. At the time, we were talking about being in love and our… penchant to always want to do something about being in love when situations might call for just accepting that this is how you feel and doing something about it might not be in anyone’s best interest… but what you feel doesn’t get switched off… and bisexuality is very much along these same lines.

You don’t have to do anything about it but, oh, yeah, it would be nice if or when you can, wouldn’t it? I maintain that anyone who spends their time finding reasons not to indulge in their bisexual urges are, in fact, thinking about them and are very aware of them and, I guess, because they’re not going to do something – or can’t – about those thoughts and feelings, their bisexuality switch should be in the off position… and it just doesn’t work like that.

There is no off switch. Indeed, a lot of people fight with themselves to keep that switch in the off position and some actually manage to keep it off, well, in the context of doing something but, again, if you’re thinking about what you’re not going to do, you’re still thinking about it and it just might be something that will keep coming back to “haunt” you or tempt you into doing whatever it is…

Or, in this context, having sex in a very nonprescribed way. I’m of a mind to think that because there’s no off switch, it’s part of the reason why so many bisexuals think that being bisexual is two different things; they compartmentalize it so they can think about one thing or the other and, as such, giving them that feeling that they’re living two different lives and, well, one of them is getting in the way of the other – and guess which one is giving them the most grief? They’d almost give anything to be able to flip their bisexual switch to the off position and get to feeling some kind of way to learn that they can’t turn it off; all they can do is to not to the things that they want to do… and doing their level best not to think about those things all that much.

I see bisexuals struggling with being bisexual and usually because it’s something they have to do something about and their situation might not be conducive to any doing. The urge to do something about it is pretty damned powerful and inexplicably so and, as such, one of the lessons one can learn is the one that says, “Just because you can do it doesn’t mean that you should do it or have to.” Even I’ll tell those who are fighting against the urge – and wishing they could super-glue that damned switch into the off position, “Think first… then act if you must or if you can.” But it seems to remain true that even when one can’t act – and resolves to not act – that switch is still very much in the on position and there’s no turning this off, well, until, um, you know.

Indeed, there are a lot of bisexuals who are quite proud that they can resist doing and will tell you that they don’t even think about it… but the human brain doesn’t work like that and more so when a lot of this seems to happen in the subconscious mind and how one can be happily going about their lives not having a conscious thought about being bisexual… then they have one and now they’re wondering, “Where did that come from?” I’ve seen some folks experience this and do all they can to locate – and shut down – the source of that thought… and, perhaps, not realizing a couple of things like, for one, it’s an “inside job” and for the other, a “job” being enacted by a part of our minds that we can’t access and, I’m sure, the part of our mind that’s responsible for making sure that switch never gets set to the off position.

I get to read so much about what others are saying about – and against – bisexuality… but few bother to mention this aspect as to why bisexuals are the way they are and the lunacy being offered up by those who think and believe that we shouldn’t be the way we are. We can control our actions and we’re pretty sure we have some command over what we think and feel… and find, more often than not, that that command is an illusion and that switch isn’t as “safely off” as even we think it should be and considering all things – and including the moral implications of being bisexual in the first place. It tends to fuck up a lot of people because we’re well aware of those moral implications… but there’s that something that got switched on telling us that those implications are, by and large, bullshit and very much in opposition to what we’re thinking and feeling and, you betcha, doing when and if it can be done.

Bisexuals find a way to live with that switch being locked into the on position… because, again, there’s only one real way for it to be switched off. The, ah, more enlightened of us understand that just because we want to do it doesn’t mean it’s always convenience or practical to do something about it… because it’s true that it’s something that none of us do “all of the time” although there are those of us who wish we could because, um, that shit feels pretty good and more so when a lot of it is… sex. I think that because we kinda inherently know that it can’t be switched off, we can go out of our way to deflect things in both thought and deed although, yeah, the thought part isn’t so easily done. We can think of a shitload of reasons not to act on what we’re thinking and feeling… but there aren’t many who gives a lot of thought of the reasons why they should do what they’re thinking and feeling and that’s understandable since we’re more than capable of thinking of reasons not to do a thing than there are reasons why we should do it.

For some, being switched on is a pain in the ass and definitely not in a good way. They find that, shit, if they’re doing their level best not to think about it, they’re still thinking about it and now it’s all about all of those reasons why they shouldn’t do what their mind and body are telling them to do… and sooner rather than later. It’s not just the sex but it’s also that emotional intimacy that bisexuality allows for that many find comforting and are content to experience in lieu of getting naked with someone and being, ah, very intimate with them… but it is nice to think about. Some folks get… disturbed over these thoughts and feeling invading their dreams and the reason why they do is that there’s really no off switch; once it’s switched on, it’s on for the duration.

Now it’s all about how one is going to comport themselves knowing they’ve been switched on. They might not be able to do anything about it but they can think and feel just the same and being told, “Don’t even think about that shit!” well, that doesn’t work and more so when we do insist that no one has the right to tell us what we’re allowed to think about… but they do try just the same. For a lot of bisexuals, methinks their energy would be better spent not fussing with themselves – or anyone else – because they’ve been switched on. Cityman always talks about finding a balance in this when what he should do – and what I think everyone should do – is to integrate bisexuality since it well and truly is part of the whole and a kind of proof that thinking and doing aren’t always the same things because, shit, if that were really true, I can’t begin to imagine the “trouble” I’d be in if I went on and did all of the bisexuality-related stuff that goes on in my head and at any given moment…

Because I don’t have an off switch and I don’t have one because there isn’t one… but many would be happy and even relieved if there was one that didn’t involve, well, yeah, that situation that ends… gravely. Many do “complain” that these thoughts and feelings, once they have them, just do not go away and they need them to do just that but, alas, they eventually come to terms with the fact that there is no off switch; not thinking about it is still thinking about it and telling yourself that you shouldn’t be having these thoughts, well, how’s that working and I ask because a lot of bisexuals find that they do have them just the same and get frustrated – more often than not – because they can’t do anything about them or they shouldn’t.

It’s not something I do all of the time but it is something I think about all of the time… because my bisexuality doesn’t have an off switch. There was a time when I tried to shove that switch to the off position and, um, ah, because I felt was I getting too carried away… and realized that even when I didn’t do anything, I was still thinking about it and feeling it. Shit. Just gotta find a way to live with that switch being flipped on and, sure, if I can do it, it’s gonna get done but if I can’t – or don’t feel like it – it is what it is… but that switch is still locked into the on position and I just learned not to let that factoid fuck with me because I am bisexual and there’s no arguing with myself about it. I got switched on and, truth be told, I’m not mad about that nor am I ashamed of it as as others believe I should be. I don’t argue it because, um, I know what I’ve done and what I will do given the opportunity to do so… but it’s also very much about what I think and feel.

I like being switched on because there’s great… comfortable to know that I am and, yeah, I’m not beyond thumbing my nose at those who believe I shouldn’t be. This is… me. Switched on and found a way to integrate it into my life and not think that it’s two different things or that, yeah, I can just turn it off because I learned that just because I can’t doen’t mean that I’m going to but, uh-huh, that I will is just me being the switched-on bisexual I’ve always been…

And I wouldn’t switch it off even if I could – where’s the fun in that? I accept that in this, I have no off switch, that even when I can’t or don’t want to do anything about it, I’m always thinking about it and loving how it makes me feel because to not love it means I don’t love myself… and I most certainly do love me some me and in a time where a lot of bisexuals are talking about embracing their bisexuality as a part of self-care, I’m totally on board with that and those who aren’t, well, think about how much better you’d feel about being bisexual and accepting that you got switched on and just being okay with it and, yeah, maybe even thumbing your nose at those who tell you that you have no business… being who and what you are or even thinking like this.

I think they’re just “mad” because as bisexuals, we can think, feel, and do some stuff that they can’t. We’re neither straight nor gay exclusively and that’s all about doing but in our thoughts? The way we feel? We just… are. Capable of going both ways if we can. Switched on and the switch is locked in place until that day when, well, you know. We can control what we do and there are many others who seek to be in control of what we might do… but there’s nothing anyone can do about our thoughts and feelings being switched on the way they are.

Because there is no off switch.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Did You Do It?”

Once myself and the rest of the fellas started ejaculating for real, this question got asked a lot; if the answer was yes, there was often great joy, for lack of a better word at the moment, to know that you got the mysterious and dreaded (to girls) baby-making stuff shot into you. It was… satisfying for a guy to put it in you and shoot and as compared to how some guys reacted to getting a mouthful of the stuff and, I think, more so when in those early moments of being able to do it, there was a lot of it and usually thick and whey-like. I also thought that some guys liked it better to have all that stuff shot into their butt because they didn’t have to taste it or otherwise deal with the consistency of it.

If the answer was no or not yet, there was much… angst and along the lines of, “What are you waiting for?” along with suggestions to hurry up and do it and now would be a good time. For myself and many of the other guys, if you stuck it in and didn’t shoot the stuff in, well, being pissed about it kinda covers it for the most part; I know that any time a guy didn’t do it, it was like we went through all of that for nothing and, indeed, took the fun out of being screwed. There were allowances made for those moments when time was of the essence or there was a greater risk of getting caught doing it but I think a lot of us who enjoyed being screwed quickly became of a mind that if there was no time to do it and get the stuff shot in, there was no point in doing it; it was easier to suck each other until we shot and call it a day.

It was often funny to hear girls ask this question and probably because they couldn’t feel our pricks convulsing inside of them and wasn’t paying much attention to what was going on with us as we shot our stuff but they, too, would get some kind of bent out of shape if you didn’t shoot it in them and even more pissed if, somehow, you didn’t get it in them but got it all over them. Methinks because, in those early days, we could develop a bit of a hair trigger, some girls would let us know that we’d better not shoot the stuff before we stuck it in; you knew that if that happened, every girl in the area would find out about it in a hurry; not only would they talk about you in some unkind ways, it very much lessened your chance to do it to the other girls.

The fellas weren’t that much different in this regard and a kind of “prejudice” started making the rounds against those guys who weren’t shooting the stuff yet; “once upon a time,” it was da shit to be able to do it repeatedly and only get that “good feeling” for a moment but for reasons I didn’t understand, it was so much better to do it with a guy who was shooting the stuff and more so when he stuck it in your butt and shot his stuff in there. Messy as all get out but that was a “problem” to be dealt with after the fact because getting screwed and getting the stuff shot into you was, again, so satisfying and you felt… complete. Among us horny-assed kids, the consensus was that if the sex didn’t end with stuff being shot in, well, why did we bother about doing it at all?

And if you didn’t or couldn’t do it, what was wrong with you since so many of us were doing it with great glee to be able to make all of that stuff come out, you know, after we got over the shock that it was happening to begin with. Yeah… my first time doing it was hilariously memorable but, as you might imagine, it wasn’t even funny when it happened and even I feel… silly to recall how I thought I was dying. The thing I also remember was how excited the girl was when she said that I’d done it (and said it a few times before it finally registered in my very addled brain) and when I asked, “I did what?” she pointed down to her pussy and said, “Look!” and, sure enough, there was a whole of of… stuff flowing out of her and I’m still not sure how I immediately knew that the stuff was the baby-making stuff I’d heard about. She’d gleefully asked me to do it again and I did and the second time wasn’t as terrifying as the first time was nor was the third time.

I was confused and she was deliriously happy about it. While a lot of girls were scared to death of the baby-making stuff (and for good reason) some remained scared – and highly pissed – if we shot it in them after they told us not to and others were quite happy that we did that and, um, that happiness would turn into something else if, upon request, we couldn’t do it again and right away. Amongst us guys, wow, it was the greatest thing ever discovered! I very much remember the first time I shot my stuff into another guy’s mouth (which was the very next day after discovering I could do that) and I remember the look on his face; surprised, then I’d say thoughtful in that “what is this” way, then grinning like an idiot before he, um, threw it back up. That didn’t “ruin” the moment for him and when I sucked on his dick, a few moments later, he went through the same thing I had the day before… and now we’re both grinning like idiots and couldn’t wait to let – and show – the other guys what we could now do and, much to our delight, it seemed to me that after I did it for the first time, the other guys were literally days behind me in finding out that they could shoot the stuff, too, although there were some guys who weren’t able to and wouldn’t for another couple of years.

It made sticking our dicks into each other’s butts a hell of a lot of fun. It felt weirdly good to feel the dick twitching and jerking and hearing the guy doing it making all kinds of funny noises and, yeah, looking like he was dying or something but, yeah, to be on the receiving end of the stuff, it just felt… right. Like things were made to be… complete. A guy would shoot it in, pull his dick out and it made me feel… empty while still feeling really good that he shot it in and, to me – and others – it made taking the risk of getting busted worth it… unless the guy wasn’t shooting the stuff and still just getting the twitching and jerking and just that good feeling. It made having it done to you… different. Not totally bad but not as good as getting your butt filled up with it.

We’d sit around talking about that at times. It would feel so good to feel the stuff – aka the jizz – being shot in and so good that feeling it would make some of us giggle and laugh… and I had no idea why (then or now); when I’d shoot my stuff in, if the guy or gal didn’t get a bad case of the giggles, they’d moan in a way that told you they were very happy that I shot my stuff in and a thing I could very much relate to. It just felt so good to have it shot into you and made any or all of the discomfort of getting it stuck in worth it. And, yeah, I’d be some kind of not happy if a guy didn’t/couldn’t shoot it in; getting screwed, on the whole, wasn’t that bad but to get screwed and wind up with stuff oozing out of your butt? Didn’t get much better than that and even when you might not really feel it being shot in but you knew he was doing it just the same.

Girls both liked it… and “hated” it at the same time. Things got to the point that if you weren’t shooting jizz, your chances of being able to do it to them were slim and none because they all pretty much said that if the jizz wasn’t being shot in, it didn’t feel all that good to get screwed… unless you were one of those [then] rare guys who’d lick and kiss their pussy… and for a long time, too. While it was true that some girls would egg a guy on to “do it” because she wanted him to get it over with, a lot of girls would eggs us on to do it and they’d get this look on their face as the jizz was being shot into them… and I can’t describe the look other than to use the word, “beatific.” What was funny was that I could shoot my jizz in, they’d get that look on their face and the moment I pulled it out, they’d get on my case about something or anything that, to me, defied that look and whatever it was they were feeling. They’d sometimes be very unhappy about me/us making such a mess down there but they were also happy about being messy, well, most of the time.

Girls would get that first visit from “The Cardinal” and shooting jizz in them became a very scary thing because they could now get “in trouble” – a very good reason why it was called the baby-making stuff. We’d be demanded not to shoot it in and we’d better pull it out before we did it – which, um, worked and not so much at times – but I’d notice a difference; if I pulled out before shooting, they didn’t seem to be all that “happy” as compared to when it got shot in and even when, uh-oh, I couldn’t get out in time. They’d be madder than wet hens… but some would grudgingly admit that, yeah, it made them feel really good to get creamed but you weren’t shit because you couldn’t pull it out before that happened.

Amongst us guys, yeah – if you pulled it out before you creamed us, there would be… words and the not-nice variety. The “consensus” was that if you fucked us, you had better cream us… or else. If you think that girls were able to gossip at the speed of light, we could, too, and the last thing you wanted having your reputation ruined by da fellas telling each other that you were scared to cum – and what a great word that was to learn – or that you didn’t or couldn’t. I heard stories about fights happening because the guy being fucked didn’t get creamed and while I never fought anyone over this, I very much did not like it when I’d get screwed and the guy didn’t cum inside me although, um, there was this one time when a guy pulled it out and shot it all over my cheeks and I got mad and punched him in the nose. I wasn’t feeling his explanation of wanting to see his stuff shooting out instead of creaming me because it felt as “bad” as, say, being screwed and things got interrupted and had to stop or, I guess, doubly bad to get interrupted and not get cum in your ass on top of things.

It made you feel like you went through all of that shit that led up to being screwed… for nothing.

Girls were… funny. They either wanted you to hurry up and cum… or they’d get pissed if you did it too fast or took too long to do it and if you didn’t cum in them, again, you could be assured that every girl in the area would find out about it quick, fast, and in a hurry. Most guys didn’t seem to care all that much if you came too fast – but some would pitch a bitch about that – and while many were very happy if it took the other guy a lot of time before he came, many of us – including myself – weren’t all that happy to be screwed for long periods of time and being made to wait for the cum to go in. You wanted and needed him to cum because the longer it took for him to do it, the more it tended not to feel all that good – that friction thing that guys learn that women aren’t fond of at all, not to mention having some guy pounding his dick into you hard and fast and there was no cum forthcoming… but if he was “hammering” your butt and making you wish he wasn’t doing that, when he came, that made it… better and not just because he was finally done screwing you.

I was talking to my protégé about this and when he was opining about the way bottoms behave when being screwed. At the time, he wasn’t of a mind to unload in a guy’s butt and would pull out before doing it and I’d asked him if he ever paid attention to the other guy when he’d do that or, even better, did he even notice how women behaved when he’d pull out of them and cum all over them. I wasn’t surprised when he said that he never noticed it and most guys don’t but, yeah, I did because… I paid attention to such stuff for some reason I can’t begin to explain. I told him that if a bottom agreed to being screwed, he was expected and even “demanded” to cum in him and if he didn’t, yeah, no, the guy probably wasn’t gonna feel the way he expected to feel.

When he’d gotten around to being screwed – and we’d talk about how girly and bitchy it made him feel to get boned – I had asked him if he noticed how he felt when (1) the guy pulled out and shot it all over the place and (2) when he didn’t and creamed him. He actually had to think about that but I think he was “surprised” to realized that being screwed felt much better when the guy would cum in him as opposed to feeling… incomplete when a guy would pull out and hose him down. He even saw that women would behave… differently in this even if he pulled out and as she said he should. Once I got him to “pay attention” to this, he was able to better understand why bottom guys would be over the moon to get creamed… but feeling some kind of way when he didn’t cream them.

Yeah, it tends to make a guy feel girly and bitchy but not in what anyone would call a bad way because you felt even “worse” when the guy pulled out or he’d cum in a condom; there was just… something about knowing you were getting creamed that made a difference and even with women who, of course, had a good reason for not wanting to get creamed but even some of them had told me that it wasn’t the same just to feel the dick pumping away and knowing the spunk wasn’t going in them.

I could relate wholeheartedly… because I would feel the same way about it. Getting your ass filled with dick and having it wreaking havoc with your prostate was all well and good… but if the guy didn’t (or couldn’t) cum in me, well, damn. I’d feel… incomplete and I still can’t think of a word that describes that feeling any better. It’d feel good to get screwed but, eh, not really if he didn’t cum in me or if he pulled it out and shot it all over me and, yeah, I’d be pissed like you wouldn’t believe and, at first, I didn’t understand why I’d be ready to kick his ass or I’d not be all that understanding if he couldn’t bust that nut in me. I was kinda/sorta beginning to understand that there was some… psychological thing going on that said that when you get screwed, getting a nut busted in you just made getting screwed… better. More complete. Satisfying even if you didn’t quite like the way he screwed you but because he nutted in you, that “made up” for whatever you didn’t like about how he went about busting a nut in you.

And I saw that women could react in very similar ways. I’d be screwing them and looking at them seeing the various reactions that were either good or “bad” – but when I’d cum, their whole demeanor changed and, nope, can’t think of a word to describe it; some would smile and some would actually giggle in that moment and their body would be like… damned if I know but it came to me that their body liked it even if they had something to say about the sex that was good, “bad,” or even indifferent. It was… different from that, “I am so glad this is over with!” thing but, again, it was something I could totally relate to since I was now very much aware of how my body reacted – and how I’d feel – when a guy came in me and compared to when he didn’t and yeah, even when I had that “I am so glad this is over with!” thing going on in my head.

You just feel… complete and I’m not 100% sure if this is biological or psychological but it just might be both when, at least in women and way, way back when being fruitful was very important, a woman would probably feel… complete knowing that she’d been inseminated and with the hope of conceiving and that sense of completeness just “carried over” and was being felt by women who weren’t all that interested in getting pregnant but it still felt… complete to get that nut busted in them and they wouldn’t be all that happy to not get creamed. What really baked my noodle, as I did my best to research this, was that guys could feel this way and more so when I’d feel that way and knew of the many guys I busted a nut in saying pretty much the same thing:

It just feels so good and complete to have a nut busted in you… even if, after the fact, you probably could and should have found something better to do. I’d often find myself stuck on stupid when a guy would ask what it felt like to have a guy cum in you… and I couldn’t say shit about how it felt other than it felt good and made me feel complete which isn’t that good of an answer. You enjoy – or endure – having him in your ass and wailing away and you’re just waiting for that moment to feel his cock swelling… then the pumping and, yeah, if he’s wearing a condom, it just does not feel the same. I don’t know if it’s the pumping action along and what it implies that is what’s going on… or it’s just that very “weird” and complete feeling knowing that you just got inseminated and, as I thought in a moment where I was being inseminated, “He’s trying to get me pregnant…”

That was probably one of the strangest things I’ve ever had pop into my head and it bugged me for a couple of days afterward. Of course, no way I’m getting pregnant but it was about how feeling him cumming in me made me feel in that moment and, again, other than that silly thought, I felt… complete. It felt indescribable to feel his cock pumping like crazy inside of me, well, until that thought popped into my head but, yeah, it felt really good and when he pulled out, there was that sense of emptiness that I’d only feel when a guy came inside me… and I knew a lot of guys who’d say similar things and, yep, not feeling all that “happy” if he pulled out or shot his load into a condom.

Weird, huh? Even going back in the day, “Did you do it?” carried much importance and if you said that you didn’t, well, it sucked to be you and the only thing that would save you from a lot of unwanted ridicule was that you hadn’t done it – yet and if that was the case, you’d better hurry the fuck up and do it and not just because you wanted it over and done with but because it just didn’t make you feel good if it wasn’t done or, yeah, completed. Girls felt that way about it and us guys did, too, it seemed. It could be summed up as a “total waste of time and energy” to be fucked and not get creamed and as expected and, perhaps, needed in a way that probably can’t easily be put into words. Like I said, getting interrupted was a forgivable “offense” but to not shoot your stuff in? You’d not be forgiven for that unless, of course, you were a girl and rightfully afraid to wind up in trouble but even they’d say that it just didn’t feel the same as when someone “screwed up” and shot it in them. They’d be pissed but would admit that it felt good to them at the same time… and you’d better not do that again when you were told not to.

It wasn’t quite the same thing when sucking a guy off but it very much sucked – and never in a good way – to spend all that time sucking his dick and he didn’t or couldn’t cum… in your mouth. If he did it any other way – and other than sticking it in and cumming – well, shit – where’s the fun in that and even if one hadn’t really acquired the taste; you could be more pissed about him not shooting it in your mouth than you would if he did because if he didn’t, you just felt… incomplete. Not as satisfied if he did and, again, that sense of complete satisfaction seemed to be in place even if his stuff tasted nasty and you wound up spitting it out. I’d be the first to admit that feeling his prick swell – then feeling it pumping away in mouth – felt incredibly good… even if/when I had it my mind that I’d be more than happy when he’d stop fucking around and bust that nut… and I’d hate to be you if you snatched the dick out of my mouth and shot your load. I still get pissed about that, by the way, even when I understand why it pisses me off and that’s because it makes me feel… incomplete and like I did all that work to get him to cum… only to have him not finish the way he was supposed to and how I wanted and needed him to.

Us guys talk about the reward we get for sucking a guy’s dick and I understand the sentiment given how labor-intensive it can be to suck dick… but I also think there’s even a bigger reward other than (1) the satisfaction of getting him off and (2) getting a mouthful of spunk because there is that warm and fuzzy feeling of… completeness that just isn’t there if his cum ain’t going in you somewhere.

I’d like to now thank porngirl for the inspiration for this one because we were having a conversation about this very thing and why it feels so good to get a nut busted in you and why it doesn’t feel all that good when that doesn’t happen. I’m still sure that I’ve not done a good job of putting it into words but I, as always, remain the bi guy who does know what this feels like and I’m doing my best to put it out there. I probably wouldn’t have been made aware of any of this if it hadn’t been for the guys and gals who’d ask me, “Did you do it?” and the “it” was cumming in them and that sense of importance that came with knowing that, yes, I most certainly did do it and the difference I’d see when I’d say, “No, not yet!” and that was either a good thing… or it wasn’t. If you were “late” doing it, okay but if you didn’t do it at all, you just weren’t looked upon with great favor because you just didn’t feel… complete if it didn’t happen at all or the guy shot it anywhere other than in you and, again, girls would be glad that you didn’t… and not so much.

Because there’s just… something about it that makes you feel good and complete.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Wistful Thinking

I had the weirdest thought/feeling yesterday just before I sat down to partake of some football: I “hated” going back to school in September, followed by two things: Where did that come from and why did I “hate” it?

I was always an outstanding student – straight A type. In my elementary years, I got my intelligence tested a lot even though I didn’t know what the tests were for; they just said that we want to test you and get your parents to read and sign this and I did. Much later, I was told that my tests indicated that I’d be educationally better off being skipped two or three grades and a proposal that my parents rejected; my mom told me that it wouldn’t have helped my social development and I guessed she had a point… but that didn’t stop schools from upping the ante on me giving me higher grade shit to study and learn. By the time I got to the ninth grade, I was already taking college level stuff.

The work, to me, wasn’t hard and I felt that my teachers – and as good as they were – couldn’t teach me fast enough; sometimes, I’d be bored out of my mind sitting in classes and watching my classmates struggle and endure lessons that I’d already breezed through and to the point where said teachers would ask me to not do that and stay with the class.

But that’s not why I “hated” going back to school: It was because going to school severely cut down the amount of sexual fun I could have with my friends (and others). Summer vacation from school meant a lot of time to not only be outside but to get some dick and chase girls with the hope of catching them and having sex with them. Those days would be hot and hazy, sometimes stormy (which was a bummer since I couldn’t go outside) and there were so many opportunities to get some nice, hard dick and to give my equally horny friends my nice, hard dick. Being somewhere and sucking dick and swallowing copious amounts of sperm, as well as having copious amounts of it pumped into my backside, was always the major highlight of summers for me.

Then September would show up… and the summer fun would come to an end and time to hit the books and deal with the hassles of being in school – and usually with some of the same friends I’d spent the summer having glorious sex with – and the other assholes I knew would eventually get around to picking on me and testing my resolve and, sometimes, putting my martial arts skills to work to convince them that I’m not the one you want to be fucking with…

Unless, um, you were like me and wanted to literally fuck with me and in that way I found to be terribly exciting, fun, and pleasurable. The good part was that there were a lot of nerdy kids like me who were very much like me but, damn it, being all up in that school grind just made it almost impossible to have that kind of fun that summer always managed to provide.

I’m sitting there watching the games on NFL Redzone and all of this is going through my mind and making me feel some kind of way because I missed those carefree and hedonistic summer days but, yeah, you grow up and life changes a lot of shit and I laughed to myself thinking about Peter Pan and how he never wanted to grow up. It wasn’t like there weren’t opportunities to have sex during the school year and one of the “advantages” of being as smart was that I’d often get asked to come over to someone’s home and help them study and, um, yeah, some of those studies was in “sex education” as well. I found (and was told) that a lot of those I helped with schoolwork used that as an excuse to get me to come over so they could “seduce” me into having sex with them, only to find that it didn’t take a lot of convincing and as they may have originally thought. And if they weren’t trying to seduce me, there were always those moments when their brains would get overloaded with whatever they were studying and taking a break would be fantastic and, um, they always had a good suggestion about how they could decompress, you know, if it was okay with me.

And it most certainly was. There wasn’t too many things as exciting as having sex… and we’re supposed to be studying and a parent would ask, “You kids had better be working on school work!” and one of us would yell back, “We’re working on it!” when, um, we were really having sex. It was… interesting to, say, have a guy thrusting his cock in and out of me and I’m talking about algebraic equations so that anyone who put an ear to the closed door would be convinced that, yep, they’re in there doing school work. Or to have a girl riding my dick and we’re talking about the English class assignment or she’s asking school questions while I was happily going down on her.

While those 180 days or so spent going to school lessened these, ah, extracurricular activities, man – summertime was always the best time to get kicked out the house early in the morning and knowing that I had quite a few hours to get into a different kind of “trouble” other than the one my parents always told me not to get into. One of the things I loved about summertime was that I often didn’t have to go far or do/say anything to wind up having sex with one the fellas or the many “hot in the ass” girls my parents were always telling me to stay away from. There were some days I’d get kicked out and I’m just sitting somewhere with nothing to do and at some point, someone would find me and we’d talk about what the two of us could do or where we could go – and if we weren’t restricted to the immediate neighborhood – and, well, sometimes it would be too hot or we didn’t have enough allowance left over to, say, go to the movies or some other thing that required money but sneaking off somewhere to have sex (1) didn’t cost anything and (2) it was never too hot to do the nasty to each other.

Just one of those times when you wanted to get all hot and sweaty. So many days when having sex wasn’t even on my mind or my list of things to do… but I could always count on running into someone – a guy, usually – who’d ask, “Hey, do you wanna do it?” and I didn’t have to think about it all that much except to ask, “Where?” Yeah… sometimes this particular question was a tough one to answer but there were always places in the hood and city that were within waking distance and out of the public eye and many of us knew those places like we knew the backs of our hands.

I found myself laughing softly to myself to think about all the clips I see of guys throwing it down in parks or blatantly doing something where anyone passing by could see them at it… and except for that last part; it didn’t do well to get caught in the act by anyone… unless, of course, they wanted to join in. I thought that those dudes might think they’re doing something “different” and, nope, not really because we’d sometimes wind up going to the park by the creek and take advantage of all the nice, cool hiding places available so that we could have sex and not worry about being discovered or interrupted. And in those somewhat rare moments when someone would stumble across us while we were in the middle of doing something, more often than not, whoever discovered us would ask, “Can I join in?”

Like the one time I was with this guy and we were well into a “vicious” 69 when this guy and his girl, who were looking for a spot to have sex, found us. They’d said that they actually watched us for a while before deciding to ask if they could join us and, wow, did the four of us have a whole lot of fun! All of us gave and got head and all of us got fucked and creamed. After we wore each other out, we even agreed to meet in this same spot the next day… and they brought another couple with them which made all that hot, steamy sex even better and since we were mere steps away from the creek, it just made sense that since we were all naked, jumping in to cool off was just the ticket so we could all get right back to what we were doing to each other.

Ah, summertime! I recalled that moment and thought about the guys who pretty much cum in their pants thinking about being spit-roasted and, yeah, that’s some fun that they’re missing out on; being in a girl while a guy was in my ass and in my mouth was more fun than a bunch of people could ever imagine… but having to go back to school in September was the bummer to end all bummers because instead of being able to get laid every day, it often got relegated to the weekends or, even rarer, during the week. On school nights, staying out “late” wasn’t gonna happen; pre-junior and high school usually meant being stuck in the house doing homework… for most of my peers so while I could be out and about, those I might have been able to have sex with were stuck inside toiling and slaving over homework I’d already had done or studying hard for tests that I never studied for… and passed effortlessly.

Ah, those were the days! Now I’m all grown up and September has two meaning: The start of the NFL season and, later in the month, my birthday. I got to thinking, “Wow… I’m going to be 66 in a couple of weeks!” and I am very damned thankful that, barring something going really wrong, I’ll be around to celebrate another year. It had me thinking that, shit, I don’t have that many years left and it’s a sobering thought… and one that an outstanding play in one of the games dismissed in a hurry.

But as the day continued on, I was kinda stuck in a loop about those lazy, hazy, sex-filled days of summers in my youth spent having a lot of sex in the bisexual way of things. Guys today talk about how hard and difficult it is to get some dick and some have asked me how I managed to get so much dick back then and the answer was easy: When some guy wanted to do it, I rarely said no and if a girl wanted to, there was no way in hell I was going to tell her that I didn’t want to (unless I knew there was a reason not to with her). You wanna go somewhere so we can give each other blowjobs until we “pass out?” I’m game! You want us to take turns fucking each other? Hell, yeah! Girlfriend doesn’t really want to fuck… but she wants her pussy eaten good and for a long time? Okay – I hope you don’t have anything pressing to do because this is gonna take a while so let’s get started and, yeah, if I ate the pussy good enough, I’d get to fuck her even if it was in her ass to remove the risk of her getting pregnant.

My mind is having a field day remembering all those summers as well as remember how much I disliked going back to school because that meant a whole lot of days I wasn’t going to be able to have sex with someone and with that emphasis on getting and maintaining good grades being the thing that could not – and had better not – get set aside for anything else. I’d start every school year by thinking about the end of it and the return of summer which was, at least for me, much better than overloading my brain with school shit that came easier to me than it did for others. I remembered a moment in high school when mid-terms were on the horizon and one of my friends asked me what I’d rather be doing other than studying and I honestly told him that I’d rather be getting some dick because I didn’t need to study for the mid-terms.

I remember that look he got on his face and him looking at the books and papers all over his bed and him saying, “That sounds like a good idea… but I’ve never done anything like that before!” and my reply of, “That’s okay – I’ll teach you.” Yeah… the dick was good and he filled my mouth and butt nicely and got his mouth and butt filled up, too. Way better than studying but, yeah, he had to so that’s what we did… in between bouts of sexual bliss. We both aced the mid-terms, by the way, and he was happy to have learned something that school wasn’t ever going to teach him.

It just made me miss summer even more and the closer we got to getting out of school, the more… antsy I got knowing that a lot of those days would be spent having sex with someone and being in bisexual heaven and even being more than thankful that I was bisexual and more so when a lot of guys weren’t getting any pussy and that would make them more… open to giving dick a try… and I’d be more than happy to help them with that as long as everyone didn’t find out about it but by the time I got ready to leave high school behind, I didn’t much care if anyone knew I was one of those “weirdos” who went both ways.

And more so when summertime came and there were a lot of guys and gals who find that going both ways wasn’t as bad as they thought and some lessons that were fun to learn…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Moment of Truth

I’ve often written about this seminal moment when you get to prove to yourself that you can do all that stuff you’ve been thinking about regarding same-sex sex. It sounds like a good idea – most of the time, I’d say – and one can let their imagination run wild envisioning what that first experience will be like or, for some, “exactly” how they want it to go. It can be exciting to have these thoughts and having them can get one to spending some time inside their head to ask and answer a slew of questions that, hopefully, will get them to that moment and with pleasurable and satisfying success.

Except it doesn’t always work that way and, as I’ve said, it’s one thing to think that, for guys, sucking a dick (or taking one in the ass) is the thing to do but things can take a serious turn when there’s a hard dick right there and waiting for you to do something with it… and now one can find themselves in an “oh, shit” moment that can often reveal that actually doing what you were thinking about isn’t that easy. And, yes, the same goes for some women as well.

You can think about it; you can, if you choose to, see others doing the thing you want to do (yes, porn does provide some pretty good visuals if not in an exaggerated way at times); you’re checking your feelings and you can be, oh, maybe 80% sure that you wanna do it and the more information you can gather can raise that confidence level to 90% or more but, yeah, there’s still room for doubts and stuff but, yeah, you want to do this and you’re pretty sure that you can do it. I don’t know about women all that much but I know some guys can create some pretty elaborate and involved situations, conditions, and even preferences before the fact and if they’re met, yeah, buddy – they’re good to go.

Until they meet with the guy and dicks come out to be fondled and sucked and being in this moment of truth can take one’s confidence level from 100% to 10% or less… and in less time than it takes to blink. The good part is that some folks in this moment of truth hesitate for just a moment or, as I like to say, for as long as it takes their mind to say, “Fuck it – just go for it!” but for others, yep – everything gets very awkward and can come to a halt because they just proved to themselves that thinking and doing aren’t the same things.

Like the guy who inspired this scribble; he took one look at the other guy’s short but very thick cock and got to thinking about whether or not he could get his mouth on it; his moment of truth got waylaid even more when he went to give the cock some nice strokes but he’s right-handed and he was having a moment trying to do it left-handed. There were some other things that got into his head and his first attempt failed and, as what tends to happen to folks at this point, started second-guessing himself about all of this.

Is there a sure-fire way to get past all of this? If I knew of it, I could probably make a few bucks putting it out there but the reality says that one has to find it within themselves to get through the moment of truth. I can say things like don’t overthink it and just go with your feelings or a tough-love kind of thing that says you pretty much gave your word that you were going to do this and since it’s a matter of personal honor, not doing puts a black mark on your honor… and none of these things are really worth a plugged nickel as far as advice goes. You can, if you have access to such information, find out what others did in their moment of truth and that’s all well and good… but that was them. Guys have asked me about my first time and whether or not I couldn’t pull the trigger and, well, I could and I did and didn’t give it any thought that I was aware of in that moment… and that was me.

I’ve written at times about being the one staged to give a guy his first experience so I’ve seen quite a few guys be in the moment of truth. Some “breeze” right through it and, yes, I’ve actually heard many say to themselves, “Fuck it…” and now they’re past the moment of truth… and I’ve seen guys go through some shit because they just can’t get past the moment and no matter how much they might want to. When they freeze up – or do some other stuff that I’m not going to mention – I remind them that they don’t have to do this if they can’t and let’s just sit here and chill and, if you want to, tell me what’s going on in your head. Sometimes, talking it out helps and sometimes it just doesn’t.

When it doesn’t guys have asked if there’s something wrong with them and I let them know that, nope, nothing’s wrong and not being able to get past this moment is pretty normal; it’s really not that simple to do something that goes against that thing that says that guys shouldn’t be having sex with each other and whatever other doubts and stuff that started bouncing around inside their head to cause them to not get past the moment of truth that shut them down. I would hazard the guess that some guys think that being able to wrap their hand around another guy’s cock should be a no-brainer… right up to the moment when they find out that they can’t. Handling your own dick is one thing but doesn’t always mean that you can handle another guy’s prick.

I’ve seen guys freeze up in the exact moment the clothes come off. I mean, really – how can this be a problem when any of us who have taken gym class has seen naked guys in the locker room… but that’s not the same as seeing a naked guy and you’re about to attempt to have sex with him. And, I’d say classically, a lot of guys can get it into their head that just because they’ve had a woman suck their dick, well, how hard can that really be to let a guy do it? Then find out that it’s a lot harder than they could have imagined.

Seriously… do you think it’s really that easy to either take a dick in the ass or be the one about to stick it in? Some guys find that it isn’t and, I think, guys who don’t, um, practice with toys of varying shapes and sizes but even they say that having the real thing going in is a different critter. Then there’s the disconnect that can happen when a guy realizes that he’s about to stick his dick in a place it doesn’t belong and in many such moments, he could have been rock hard and ready to go but the moment he presses his knob against that forbidden place, his cock just immediately goes soft and even can shrivel up; the guys who have done anal with women successfully can’t figure out why they can’t do it with a guy… and it’s usually because it’s a guy and not a gal who’s looking forward to getting the high hard one.

In the failure to get past a moment of truth, I’d say that 9 out of 10 times, it’s their mind that has made them fail more than anything else. That’s not taking into consideration those weird moments when a guy gets past the moment of truth, he’s got the dick in his mouth and the thought/question pops into their head: What the fuck are you doing? You’re not supposed to be doing this! If this peculiar moment doesn’t bring things to an immediate halt – and it sometimes tends to – the distraction can be enough to remove whatever pleasure was being experienced; I’ve seen my share of guys be in this moment of truth and they’ve told me that they were going right along with things and it was good… then it got all fucked up and, yeah, usually in their head. They were able to continue but now it wasn’t as much fun as it was just a few seconds ago.

Yes, I’ve talked to women who’ve tried to do something with another woman’s coochie and the moment of truth hits them and… shit. Some find that fingering their own kitty isn’t quite the same as fingering another’s kitty and going down on that kitty? Some have said that they felt way too weird when a woman went down on them and while they didn’t really mention it but I’m pretty sure that they had it in their head that they have no problem with a guy going down on them but since this wasn’t a guy, either they didn’t get past the moment of truth or wound up shutting things down in mid-lick.

But how to get past this? There are two questions that one needs to ask and answer. The first is, “Is this something that you really want and need to do? The second is, “Do you believe that you can actually do it?” If you aren’t sure that you really want to do this and you’re just not confident that you can do it – and you realize these things before you even try to do it – then you might want to put doing it on hold until you can answer these two very important questions. Another thing is to not overthink it which is way easier said than done. If you’ve been able to answer those two questions and, importantly, you believe that you can do this, there comes that moment where thinking about it – and, for many, overthinking it – just can’t happen and, yeah, even if the last thought you have is, “Fuck it – I’m just gonna go for it and whatever happen, happens…”

The bad part is that I can’t really tell you how to get past this moment. The good part is that a lot of people do and sometimes on the second try. There are some serious moral issues that have to be dealt with along with being all in your head about shit just going wrong and, yup, sometimes, if you’re sure that it’s going to go wrong, it will. I know that some who’ve failed to get past the moment of truth has said that they were worried about what others were going to think about them because they did it… and I’ve asked them, “Um, how would they know that you did unless you or the other person told someone?”

Being able to get past that moment of truth often calls for being able to silence and defeat your worst enemy: That three-pound lump of grey matter that’s inside your skull. And because I can, I’ll even tell you that as experienced as I am in these things, I can have one of those moment of truth moments because that voice in my head asks, “Do I really want to do this?” but I’ve learned to not pay attention to it because, duh, yeah I really wanna do this and if you’d leave me the fuck alone, I got something I need to take care of… so fuck off. Go calculate pi to the last digit or find some other shit to do other than trying to stop me from doing something that, again, I very much want to do.

It’s not, however, easy for a lot of people to do something like this their first time. An understatement, of course, but it’s some real shit. I’ve seen people not get past this point because they’ve gotten it into their head that whatever it is they’re about to do, they’re not gonna be good at it or they’re going to be disappointed or they’re going to regret doing it. Well, um, really, you’re not going to know if you’re going to be good at it until you actually do it; you can’t be disappointed in whatever took place if it never takes place, which is also disappointing and the same goes for having regrets over something you actually didn’t or couldn’t do. You’re not going to know if you’re going to like it – and whatever “it” happens to be – until you actually experience it.

For some guys, getting a mouthful of spunk is just the shit and they’re sure that they’re gonna love it… until they get that mouthful. Or, “usually,” they’re pretty sure that they’re not going to like it and if they don’t prevent it from happening (which usually happens), the moment they get that mouthful, they hate it… because they “pre-hated” it in their head. Do women go through a similar thing? I actually don’t know and the women I’ve asked have often declined to answer or say that they weren’t thinking about it. I do know what guys can go through and from an observer point of view, it can be pretty bad on a guy to realize that, nope, actually doing it wasn’t as “easy” as it might have sounded when they were thinking about it.

You just gotta be able to find a way to get past that moment and, again, it’s not easy to do. I might even say that one has to be seriously committed to doing whatever they wanna do in order to make their moment of truth a non-issue; nothing is going to get in the way of them doing what they very much wanted and needed to and that includes that asshole voice in their head that’s screaming at them not to do it. Not getting past the moment of truth can be traumatizing and that’s the truth of things and with no sugar added. I’ve seen guys suffer emotional breaks in that moment and those are never easy to witness; I’ve seen guys just give up on their desires to have sex in this way because they’ve gotten it into their head that because they couldn’t bring themselves to do it, they’ll never be able to do it but they still find themselves having to deal with the desire to do it. Women? Eh, sorry – I don’t have a lot of information about y’all and what info I do have says that some of y’all get to the moment of truth and kick it to the curb and some of y’all, right in the middle of things, have second thoughts and that’s all, folks.

Oh, and all of this has been about the situations one plans for themselves; I haven’t even gotten into those “shit happens” moments that are part and parcel of someone’s first experience. They weren’t looking or planning to have one… then they’re having one and the moment of truth turns into, “What the fuck did I do and why did I do it?” That’s a whole different critter and one that some folks have problems adjusting to and doing a good job of kicking their own ass or, yeah, sometimes, blaming the other person for seducing them and, classically, blaming it on the alcohol… and even if they don’t drink. Sometimes, shit just happens and I’ve seen folks do a number on themselves trying to figure out why shit happened and feeling some kind of way that it did… and there’s a lot of stuff that plays into this that I’m not going to get into at this point… because my fingers are hurting something fierce and it’s now time to end the therapeutic aspect of this scribble.

The moment of truth can be the bitch of all bitches to get past and it’s normal not to be able to get past it. The theory of it can sound very damned good but when it time to get into practical application mode, it doesn’t sound all that good and for more reasons than can be easily listed. It’ll either be the “greatest” thing you’ve ever done or you’re going to be kicking your ass because you couldn’t do what you thought you could do. In my own experiences, more guys have made it past the moment of truth than there were guys who couldn’t but, oddly, I’ve been with guys who couldn’t suck dick… but they could take it in the ass and, nope, I really don’t know how that worked but I just know that it did for them. Or, yep, can suck that dick but taking the high hard one (or giving it)? Oh, hell, no – and that’s before it even starts to go in there.

And it’s not always what you’re trying to do for the first time that really causes the failure: It’s whatever happens to be going on in your head in the moment of truth that will either see you succeed… or fail. That’s about the size and gist of it.

See ya on Monday; it’s football season!

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Friends

It is said that having sex with a friend is bad juju and not worth ruining the friendship. As a young bisexual, I spent more time having sex with my friends than I did with someone who wasn’t a friend so much. It was “easier” due to our familiarity with each other; we liked each other even though, as friends tend to do, we’d fuss and fight but eventually make up…

And sometimes we’d “kiss” and make up. It would be comfortable in that you already knew what they liked and didn’t and there wasn’t any of that awkward stuff happening when raging hormones were in play; ya didn’t really have to ask to have sex and with my closest friends, all it would take was a look and we’d both know what that look meant. Still, you knew which friends, both male and female, you could have sex with and which ones you couldn’t, not because neither of us didn’t want to but… friends don’t have sex with friends. Yeah, sometimes, a friend and I would have sex and the friendship went downhill because now things were very awkward and feelings were mixed or the friend would be feeling bad because they broke the “no sex with friends” rule and, well, it was what it was.

Another “rule” was that it was better to have sex with someone you knew a lot about versus someone you didn’t know a whole lot about… but if you got to know that person better and became friends, well, hmm, how’s this gonna work since it was better to have sex with someone you knew but still bad juju to have sex with a friend? When that friend was another guy, eh, it wasn’t that big of a deal to sidestep the “who you can have sex with” stuff. You could hang out on a regular basis or, sometimes, you didn’t see them all that often and when you did, sex could happen or it might not. The familiarity and knowledge remained in place and, to be a bit blunt/crude, if you needed some dick, you just knew which friends would be more than happy to supply it.

At some point, the social knife came out to slice things up a bit; you had friends and you had acquaintances, people you knew and interacted with in some way; it could be a guy you knew, often hung out with and even knew quite a bit about him but, eh, he wasn’t exactly a friend and as in a close friend. It didn’t mean that you couldn’t have sex with an acquaintance but it could be a bit awkward getting things started and provided there was a “clear indication” that they might be interested. Even in this, it was said that it was better the devil you knew than the one you didn’t. Ah, but there was a certain… thrill having sex with the devil you didn’t know; those moments where you could be in the right place at the right time and some guy you didn’t know would, essentially, hit on you and now you have a few moments to find out as much as you could about him so you could make an “informed decision” about whether to accept his indecent proposal or not.

I don’t know about other guys but I had learned to trust my instincts and when running into the devil I didn’t know, they’d tell me if it was okay to accept the invitation to have sex or to decline it or, sometimes in this situation, I’d decline it out of hand because I wasn’t in the mood to have sex more than any “issues” with having a devil I didn’t know trying to get into my underwear.

Of course, what made having sex with a friend difficult was if the friend didn’t know that (1) you were into having sex with guys and (2) you very much wanted his dick. Friendships could be so comfortable that the unsuspecting friend had no problems with you seeing his dick; you could be hanging out and walking around and he needs to sneak behind something to take a leak and you’re standing there watching him pay his water bill and his dick is very exposed and, um, you would object to getting your hands on it (among other things). Sometimes, it got… weird in that a friend would know that you wanted his dick… but would continue to act like he was totally clueless as to your intentions toward him. I know I used to “hate” it when I’d go over to a friend’s house, go to his room, and he’s parading around naked and just showing off his goodies and he knew I wanted that dick… but playing dumb.

Yeah… some friends could be like that and it used to get on my nerves so I had to learn not to let this… teasing bother me or get “that look” on my face when such a friend would finally confess that he knew I was interested in sucking his dick but was having fun at my expense with his dumb act; sometimes we’d get into it because he had wanted to all along and sometimes I’d be so miffed at being teased that he’d offer up his dick to be sucked and I’d decline… um, at first but, yeah, sometimes, I’d tell him that the ship had already sailed and it wasn’t coming back and we’d both be disappointed that things wound up like that.

It was always one thing to have a friend who knew that I wasn’t exactly straight and even if they were as straight as the proverbial arrow; things would sometimes get… flirty; he’d say something like, “If I was down with that, I know you’d love to blow me, huh?” and I’d say, “You know I would…” and followed by, “Why don’t you just stop messing around so we can do this?” and we’d both laugh even though we both knew that I was serious about it but, at the same time, somewhat indifferent; if he changed his mind and wanted to do it, fine… but if he never did, that was okay, too – his loss and all that.

At the same time, I knew of a lot of guys who wanted to get some dick and would ask how they could ask their friend to have sex with them or they’d express a great desire to get into their friend’s underwear and more so when they knew what was in them… and just saying, “Ask him!” wasn’t really the answer or, as a lot of guys found out – including myself – that asking the question could damage a friendship, not because we were friends but because, colloquially, “I ain’t into that shit!” It is said that it never hurts to ask… but sometimes it did. In this, it’s said that the worst that could happen is that they say no but the worst that could happen would be losing a friend and then be at risk of him being so pissed off because you hit on him that he goes around telling everyone he knows – and you probably know them as well – that you’re some kind of faggot and to be avoided like the plague.

A guy I was talking to – an acquaintance – asked, “When a dude wants some dick, why do they always check out their friends first?” I knew that this was often the case and had wondered about that myself but he asked the question and I had to really stop and think about it before giving him the “better the devil you know than the one you don’t” answer because, well, nothing else made any sense. That a guy would want to get with his friend made sense in that they knew each other – well, the friend might not know of this desire for him – and they’d long since established a level of confidentiality with each other and were, on the whole, comfortable with each other and, often, to the point where there was no subject they couldn’t talk about and no question that couldn’t be asked…

Well, except one subject and question: Can I suck your dick? With the best of friends, you have that… emotional bond with them; you’ve seen them in the best and worst of times and chances are that you know about his sexual proclivities since, you know, friends talk about the sex they’re having and the sex they ain’t having. You’ve sat with them and talked them through a bad case of blue balls and since you don’t like seeing him like this, sure: If, by chance, he’d mention getting some relief, you’d provide it or, sometimes, you want to offer your oral services to him but now you’re not sure whether or not the offer would be received well… and even if you’ve known him for decades.

You know a lot of things about each other… but you don’t know about this. Some guys ask about how they can tell a friend that they’re bi and, well, there’s really no easy way to have this conversation with them and it becomes even more troubling because (1) you have this insane need to tell him and (2) you realize that you have no idea how he’s going to react to this reveal. At best, you just say it and wait for the reaction. I’ve been in this situation and have just came out and said it… to mixed results. Some friends were like, ew, I didn’t know you was like that and sometimes they put distance between us and sometimes not… but the friendship cooled. Sometimes their reaction would be, oh, okay, that’s cool… as long as you don’t ask me to that shit and, um, sometimes I told them because I was hoping they’d want to do that shit.

It can be a minefield… which finally brings me to what some guys are saying and doing today. Many have a problem with the devil they don’t know and the implied casual sex thing and, as such, they mandate that a friendship be established right up front but, um, aren’t they really trying to turn the devil they don’t know into the devil that they do or will know? They want and need to be friends with the benefits inferred but I’m not sure how you can establish a friendship without running into the devil you don’t know and more so when, trying to establish such a friendship online can be… dubious. Because online activities continues to be done with anonymity in mind, it’s so easy for guys to sit behind a keyboard (of some kind) and talk a good game and promise the sun and the moon and then get ghost or otherwise renege on their willingness to be that kind of friend and more so when actually meeting them face to face can be iffy…

And it’s not a given that the guy’s going to really be forthcoming; some dudes are consummate actors and can talk that good game and keep it going as they go about their own agenda. Not to imply that “all” guys in this situation are (1) needy or (2) all shady and with nefarious intent but, I dunno, unless some shit has really changed, it takes time and effort to establish a friendship and I would suppose there’s going to be some push-back when the offer on the table – and right out of the gate – is to be a friend with benefits and with some conditions attached. All well and good… but you still have to meet the devil you don’t know, don’t you, so you can convince him that being the devil you do know is going to be a good thing for everyone concerned.

But, ah, there are some guys who want this kind of friend… but aren’t all that willing to do what must be done to (1) find such a person and (2) cultivate the budding friendship to the point where having sex can be done and it not be all weird. So many guys fervently wish that they could find that friend and get kinda pissy because they can’t find him; my question to them is, “What are you doing toward that end and goal?”

And their answer tends to be along the lines of, “Not a whole lot…” because the devil you don’t know is not only scary but presumed to be a clear and present danger. Once upon a time, it was said that women look for a relationship and find sex and that men look for sex and find a relationship and that is kinda/sorta true… except for those guys who are looking for a relationship and in the hopes of being able to have sex with the guy of their choosing. If there’s such a thing as a ready-made FWB, I’m not aware of it. Sure, there are lots of guys on the hunt for that FWB but that they can’t seem to find each other is… baffling but, nah, not really since, again, some of the guys I know about in this category aren’t doing a whole lot to either look for such a guy or allow himself to be discovered.

Like I often and sarcastically say at times, it’s not as if the Dick Fairy is going to leave a FWB on your doorstep and all you gotta do is open the door. If you’re not willing to put in the work to be able to establish this kind of friendship, well, you know what I’m gonna say: What do you think you’re not going to be doing? Some guys, wow, some guys get all panicky if/when the devil they don’t know hits on them and suggests that, you know, a nice way for us to start getting to know each other is to go somewhere and get the dicks out – does that sound like something you might be interested in? For many, it isn’t… but it is but, nah, let’s not and say we did and by reacting in this fashion, it “spits in the face” of the previously time-honored way for guys to get some dick and make that friend that they can keep getting dick with.

Like I told a forum member when he said he was giving up his search for an FWB, “If you’re not willing to keep “interviewing” guys for the position, you’re never going to be able to find him.” He agreed and more so when he’s okay with things starting out casually and it’s my opinion that this is a good way to approach things. Of course, the fear factor comes into play and, yup, in the form of the disease card and I tend to get that look on my face because I know – and just as they do and should – that there are ways to avoid being hit with the dreaded card but what I think is really going on is that they’re really afraid to put themselves out there so that (1) they can “interview” guys for the FWB position or (2) literally be seen and approached with this – or some casual sex – in mind.

To make matters worse for some of these guys, they have established friendships with guys they’d love for them to give them the dick… but finding out if they’d be interested is – and historically, I’d say – clumsy and awkward and not without a modicum of risk in the form of the loss of a friend. On the one hand, if you don’t ask, you won’t know… but I think we – and I mean a lot of people – won’t ask because they automatically assume that they’ll be kicked to the curb. Some guys – and in another time-honored way – want to find the best ways to drop hints or any other indirect way of proposing an FWB situation. I’ve written many times before that guys doing this is something I find hilariously funny and more so when it usually doesn’t take very long to figure out what homey is getting at. It’s some very serious shit hitting on a friend like this but, yeah, the way some guys go about it? Hilariously funny in the majority of times.

And nothing makes you feel even more silly than being all indirect about it and finally getting to the heart of the matter… and the guy says, “Why didn’t you just come out and ask me? We are friends, aren’t we?”

But even in this, um, doesn’t it violate the “friends don’t have sex with friends” rule? I mean, yeah, you can and things don’t always turn out as disastrously as everyone says it can since, sometimes, that friend probably already knows that you’d love to get in his underwear or he’s had this same thought himself… and now it’s all about putting the cards on the table. A friend said to me, “Is it crazy that I wanna suck your dick?” and my answer was, “No, I don’t think it’s crazy at all – why do you ask?” Yes, that last part is just me fucking with him… because I could. He had blurted it out during a lull in our general conversation and I gave him props for having the courage to ask the question because some guys just can’t ask it.

“Are you offering?” I asked, not just because I was still kinda fucking with him but also because I know that thinking and doing aren’t the same things; he could have that though in his head but no real interest in actually doing what he asked me about. Then I got to watch him waffling back and forth; he was offering but he wasn’t but he was – you get the idea, right? All of that prompted me to say, “It’s one of those yes or no answers; either you’re offering or you aren’t, right?”

“I don’t want you to get pissed with me,” he said and I laughed hearing this. I had said, “If I was pissed off about your question, I’m pretty sure you’d know it by now… but my question is still valid: Are you offering?” Now, you’d think that because I’m saying/asking in the way that I was, he’d realize that, you know, reading between the lines and all that, that if he was truly offering, I’m quite good with accepting the offer… but it went right over his head as he kept waffling back and forth and telling me – or maybe trying to convince me – that is was just a crazy thought he had and he felt that we were good enough friends that he could say something about it. Well, I wound up telling him that if he really wanted to suck my dick, he’d be more than welcome to and, importantly, it wasn’t going to ruin our friendship.

And of import because the only way such a friendship can be ruined is if the friends allow it to be ruined. It’s no big deal; we’re gonna suck each other silly and whenever we can; it’s not like we’re going to be “boyfriends” and it’s not like either of us are gonna put a ring on it and start making wedding plans. It’s sex and of the mutually satisfying kind and, really, if you can’t do this with a friend, who can you do it with? And, really, don’t all friends start out being the devil you don’t know shit about?

I’ve always thought so but I could be wrong about that. Common sense says that having sex with someone you don’t bother to take the time to get to know something about them is bad juju and it’s all about what constitutes getting to know something about them and that, of course, is different for everyone and it stands to reason that it is. If some guy just walked up to me and asked me to suck his dick, not only am I gonna look at him like he lost his mind – but also appreciate such a bold and direct approach – nothing is going to happen until I know more than what it is he wants me to do; horny as all get out… but not stupid. If the information that’ll make this possible isn’t forthcoming, then it’s not gonna happen which some see as bad juju because of instant gratification and the “practice” some guys have of not wanting to be bothered with any talking – just get naked with me and hurry the fuck up… and that’s not really the kind of guy you want as that friend.

Even I don’t require or demand that we be all into each other but if you don’t have the time for us to get to know each other you sure as fuck don’t have the time to have sex with me… because it’s always better with the devil you know than the one you don’t and more so if you lack a sense of adventure. Friends having sex with each other is totally uncool but, on the other hand, your friends know you and, in many cases, have known you for a long time so it weirdly makes sense to want to have sex with a friend who is the devil you know and the one that knows you… and if they’re okay with the two of you being the same sex and all that.

People are so guarded these days that trying to make the opening “I’d like to get to know you” part of establishing a friendship is fraught with issues and, yeah, rejection. I remember a lot of women saying, “What kind of girl do you think I am?” and them saying it also came with smoke coming out of their ears and other signs that you’re about to get yourself in trouble. Some guys are saying similar things when they happen to catch someone’s eye and aren’t of a mind to do any getting to know you stuff… and, it seems, because they’re looking for a ready-made friend and one they don’t have to do any work to find and cultivate.

And those guys wonder why they can’t find the FWB of their dreams or, for some, why they can’t get the dick of the friend or friends they already have? Sure, it’s risky as all get out; you’ve not only outed yourself to them but they could reject both the offer and you, too, and no one wants to go through all of that… but, as they say, if you risk nothing, you gain nothing and it seems to me that a lot of guys these days are very risk-adverse…

And wondering why they aren’t getting any M2M action.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Easier

I’ll start today’s scribble with a disclaimed: Ladies, don’t shoot the messenger; put away all sharp implements or other instruments of harm, both physical and emotional. I’m just scribbling about what I know.

With that out of the way (and wondering why there’s no such thing as totally full body armor), an incident I bore witness to quite a few years ago just popped into my head where a man and a woman were having a very public argument right outside my front door. I had heard raised voices, wondered what the hell was going on (this time – the neighborhood had quite a few rowdy folks) and went to see what the ruckus was about. The man was someone I’d seen in the hood and I wasn’t sure if I’d seen the woman who was in tears and screaming at him and almost incoherently so and being nosy, I learned a couple of minutes later that he’d gotten busted for having sex with someone else…

That happened to be another guy. I was sure that I’d missed the “juicy details” part of the argument and was hearing her anger and grief and his attempts to explain himself; he kept saying to her, “If you’d stop yelling and cussing at me, I’ll tell you why, okay?” The woman stopped yelling, wiped her eyes and took quite a few deep breaths to compose herself then gave him that “this had better be good” look.

He began to explain that it was just one of those things that just happened; he hadn’t intended for it to happen but one thing had led to another and “the next thing he knew,” he was getting his dick sucked. I hear this and thought, “Uh-oh!” – I’d heard this one before and I was waiting for him to offer up the “usual” excuse of, “I didn’t fuck her – all she did was suck my dick!” and like that really excused anything… but that’s not what he said. He’d said that him and his boy (who he didn’t name) were just kicking back at his crib, watching TV and shooting the shit and, again, one thing led to another and, yep, “the next thing he knew” his boy was blowing him and he was returning the favor.

“It was just something guys do, babe,” he said, along with restating that he didn’t mean for it to happen but I think he sealed his fate when she – and all too calmly (a danger sign) – asked him why he allowed this to happen and he said, “It’s easier than getting you to do it.” Oh, man! I’m standing in my door and saying a silent prayer for this guy when she hauled off and slapped him so hard it sounded like a gunshot and actually made me jump even though I’d seen her getting set to slap the shit out of him. She called him all kinds of motherfuckers and sons-of-a-bitch, turned and ran around the corner, leaving him standing there alone with his thoughts and his face stinging.

He sighed and looked around… and saw me standing there and he got this look on his face like, “Aw, man…” and then shrugged and said, “You heard that, huh?”

“Couldn’t keep from hearing it,” I said. “I heard her yelling at you and I was back in my kitchen so I just came to see what was going on.”

“Damn. But you understand, right? How shit can just happen like that?” he asked.

“Yeah, I get it,” I said.

He just nodded, sighed again, and walked away and around the corner and, I guessed, going wherever she went and I felt sorry for homeboy but what he said had prompted me to think that it was easier to get a guy to suck your dick than it was to get a woman to do it, not that they wouldn’t as a matter of course but, well, guys are guys and (at the time) there were a lot of “instances” of spontaneous blowjobs hopping off between guys. I’d been privy to quite a few guys explaining – or justifying – this departure from norms by giving some version of there being more guys who wanted to do this than there were women who wanted to do it. It had me thinking about the times where I was told – or I’d heard someone else say – that if you wanted your dick sucked, there are plenty of women who would gladly do it so there was no need to be all nasty and shit and doing that nasty shit with another dude.

I’d thought that, at least in theory, that statement was true but the part no one ever mentioned was how a guy would or could go about finding that woman who’d be glad to suck his dick and whenever – and any time – he needed it to be done. I’d been sitting with da fellas way too many times and had heard them talking about getting sucked and how, most of the time, it wasn’t being done enough or the woman in question would refuse to get him off that way and, well, they weren’t exactly “lying” about that but, you know, being a cocksucker myself, I could sympathize with those ladies because I’d had my fair share of guys who made sucking their dick a pain in the ass for me.

More often than not, such conversations would shift to the hypothetical: If a dude wanted to suck your dick, what would you do? I’d heard a lot of stuff about what they’d do, what they did or didn’t believe in but almost to a man, they’d say some form of them having to be really desperate before they’d let a guy blow them but, also to a man, they’d acknowledge that there seemed to be more guys willing to suck dick than women. One guy actually laid it out to the group by saying that one didn’t have to jump through hoops and promise a dude the sun and the moon or conforms to a whole lot of conditional things and like one had to do with women and he thought that all of this made having a guy suck your dick easier.

He was right and he found himself getting da bizness as the other fellas wanted to know how he knew this, which led to him categorically denying that he’d ever gotten that desperate and let a dude blow him. On a more personal note, I knew that he had been because I’d sucked that dick a few times and, in turn, he was a very capable cocksucker himself and I recalled his justification which came in the form of that it wasn’t that his lady wouldn’t suck his dick because she would… but wouldn’t get him off unless it was their anniversary or his birthday and he even mentioned a time when he strolled up to her and asked her for some head… and she went off on him with the usual and expected, “Is that all you think about?” thing that, well, men wind up hearing this at some point in their lives.

While I did understand that this was a “continuation” of boys being boys, one of the other things I thought led to the increased instances was “the fact” that just getting a girlfriend was almost impossible to do. It wasn’t that there weren’t women out there looking for a man but they were being pretty specific about the qualifications a dude had to have and a lot of the fellas weren’t making the grade and, it seemed, even more so when that song came out that said, “You got to have a jay oh bee if you wanna be with me!” – and a lot of guys didn’t have a job because the job marked just… sucked. So there were a lot of guys who couldn’t get a woman – and more than there were guys who already had one – and I knew, either personally or by word of mouth that a lot of those guys were, ah, let’s call it, situational cocksuckers and, yeah, sometimes, one thing would lead to another and dicks got sucked and when there was no prior intent for that to happen.

Not that there was a lack of deliberate intent because guys just knew that if you wanted to get your dick sucked – and suck some dick – it was easier to get a guy for this than a woman. It wasn’t so much a sexuality thing, I thought, even though, privately, some guys would admit that they went both ways and had been for x-amount of time but, by and large, a lot of guys wound up being situational cocksuckers and, I also thought, usually because when da fellas got together, it was a sure bet that at some point, the conversation would turn to sex – and women – and dick would get hard, balls would start aching and depending on a guy’s situation, yeah, dicks would get sucked on the sly and even then, for some, not deemed to be “out of bounds” if they had a woman because, as some guys would say, “I didn’t cheat on her with another babe!”

Time moves forward and even I was noticing the uptick in the emergence of those situational cocksuckers and with many of them citing that it was just easier than trying to convince a woman to suck them off regularly or at all. It was one thing to agree to a guy sucking your dick but, I thought, it didn’t “teach them the lesson” that male cocksuckers could learn and for those who did suck dick, they most certainly learned the lesson and reason why women were/are so funny about it but even with this knowledge in hand, well, it was just easier and, again, there were more men who were willing to do it – or give it a try – than there were women who’d do it without a whole lot of conditions that had to be met and/or exceeded.

I was running into more and more guys who would say that the reason why they got into this was either because a woman wouldn’t do it or, if she would, she’d never finish things; married guys would often cite being sucked off on special occasions which was all well and good but once or twice a year wasn’t cutting it for them… but they knew that they could find a guy willing to suck them off even when it might take a bit of time going on a deliberate hunt for such a guy or, in a lot of cases, one thing would lead to another; some guys, when asked why they did it would often cite a very familiar reason: There wasn’t anything else to do and it sounded like a good idea at the time… and it wasn’t like they could go home or find a woman who’d happily blow them and suck them off – and without expecting something in return.

One of the things Cityman and I talk about is the number of male cocksuckers out there in the world and, yeah, how stupidly easy it is to reach out to a guy and agree to some mutual cock sucking. I’ve often mentioned during these conversations that, comparatively speaking, it’s always been easier to get a guy to empty those balls than it is to convince a woman that doing it – and just because – was fine and dandy. I’d pointed out to him that it wasn’t like there really weren’t women out there who’d suck a dick and just for the fun of it because there was but, yeah, have fun finding her and more so when, again, all one had to do was get an app and get exposed to a huge number of men who’d give their left nut to suck your dick without reciprocation or conditions or promises. Cityman would often point to the cost of dating a woman and as compared to what it could cost to hook up with a guy to suck dick and as inexpensive – comparatively speaking again – as a six-pack of beer or a bottle of wine or the price of an Uber ride.

I’d remind him that there really is no such animal as a free lunch but, yeah, I understood what he was saying and cited myself that in some situations, the “price to be paid” was just being there and, yeah, one thing leading to another with or without intent. Whereas that period of time I was talking about created a lot of situational cocksuckers, these days, male cocksuckers are pretty much a dime a dozen and lending much credence to the “fact” that there are more guys who are willing to do it and as a matter of course than there are women who are.

It’s not being misogynistic as much as it is stating a well-known fact among men as well as acknowledging the fact that there are women who are cock sucking fiends… but you still have to find them and it’s just easier to find guys who are cock sucking fiends… not that some guys make it easy all that much. One of the changes in the dynamic that has me blinking and scratching my head is how male cocksuckers are becoming more conditional and, yeah, not unlike women can be. When I tell y’all that men are and can be funnier than women are about this, I’m not kidding and more men are moving away from, let’s call it, casual cock sucking and avoiding those situations where one thing leads to another or that being bored silly – and horny – is a good reason for dicks to come out and get sucked. Those guys tend to cite the health factor and I’m not saying that they’re wrong… but I don’t think that’s the “real” reason why this aspect of the dynamic has taken the turn it has.

You still kinda/sorta stand a better chance of getting sucked off by a guy than a woman… but it’s not all that easy anymore. One of the things that makes me scratch my head is knowing that there are quite a few very submissive male cock suckers who are almost constantly complaining that they can’t find dicks to suck… but not looking at or speaking to what their “preferences” are in this; I’ve seen them and they are highly conditional up to and including that no dick will be sucked on the first date… or the second… or the fifth. It seems to me that now, um, you stand a better chance finding a woman who’d be very willing to do it than finding a guy who is that very willing and it also seems that when a guy comes across another guy who is more than eager to suck dick, that guy is… suspect. Something must be “up” with him or even there’s something “wrong” with him to be so eager and with little or no conditions in place.

Even Cityman says that it’s crazily insane the number of very eager cock suckers out there and I know that he avoids these guys like the plague and are very suspicious of them. And I really don’t know why. I know what I’m observing and I know what some guys are doing but the overall “trend” among men who suck dick is that you gotta pass a lot of scrutiny and meet or exceed some very specific conditions before dicks will be sucked. Way back in the day, if you wanted a woman to suck your dick, you had better honestly and truly be very much into her and a lot of other things that just made sense… and today? Guys are making a lot of being into mandatory and non-negotiable and, again, while they give voice to their fears of catching something nasty and as a prime reason for making it hard, that’s not what’s really going on since those same guys also cite and insist that if the two of them aren’t an item of any kind, no dicks will be sucked and casual things are not to be done for any reason.

I’m in the unenviable – or enviable – position to know that, once upon a time, it was stupidly easy to exchange blowjobs with a guy than it was convincing a woman – and even your woman – that, you know, honey, if you were to suck me off, that’s really not a bad thing… but knowing that she’d have more reasons than Campbell’s got soup and beans for why she wouldn’t do it just because and not without getting something in return or, as some women back then got to saying, “What have you done for me lately?” or even as I’ve heard, “What’s in it for me?” And if you were dumb enough to respond to that one by saying that what’s in it for her is you being made very happy, well, I hope you got some insurance because chances were you were going to need it. I knew a guy who told his lady that and she rolled her eyes, struck “that pose” and told him, “You must be out of your motherfucking mind!”

He had tried to play it off as a joke but neither of them were joking about it. That same guy, oh, maybe a week or so later, told me that he’d “broken down” and let some dude suck him off and several times at that. Why? He said it needed it and, yeah, said that because of his answer to her question, she refused to suck his dick going forward and, yeah, even said that it was one of those “one thing led to another” kind of things because, as it turned out, the guy who blew him was pretty much in the same situation with his lady.

One of the things I just do not like telling women and when they ask why guys gotta be sucking each other off is that, sometimes, if their guy is into it, shit, they’re the reason why they are. Either they don’t or won’t suck dick or finishing homey off is too much like work and, as many of those women have said, there’s nothing in it for them. I very much understand their position and more so when, again, some guys make sucking their dick a pain in the ass and sometimes it’s a lot of hard work to get them off and, yup, some guys just do not know how to get their dick sucked. Toss in the number of women who got traumatized at some point by a guy when sucking his dick and you get to understand why women are the way they are about it and even why it just might have a “price tag” attached to it. The thing is that nowadays, guys are attaching their own “price tags” and in the form of exclusive commitment; they don’t want you to “put a ring on it” as it were but if you’re not going to be exclusively committed to them – and married guys get a pass on this one and for obvious reasons – then you’ll not be getting your dick sucked here and you can believe that shit.

What I’m not sure of is whether this departure from it being easy is a good thing or not. Again, it’s not as if there aren’t an untold number of men who are aching to suck dick because there are but when you make it harder to do something, it’s not gonna get done. The thought of casually sucking dick is anathema to a lot of guys even though, I think, that if you’re looking for that guy who is willing to be exclusively committed to you in this, one way to find him is to… casually suck dick. One of the problems guys have in this, outside of their great resistance to casual cock sucking, is that they believe that it should be as easy as stating your preferences and conditions and that guys are supposed to look at them and say, “Yes – I agree to your terms!” and as a matter of course and without having to do anything other than write them down in whatever app they’re using… and if they’re using one at all. Some guys, and oddly so, want all the benefits of this without doing any of the work that’s required to get the benefits… and I don’t pretend to understand that.

There really is no such animal as a free lunch. Back in the day, we used to say, “You gotta bring ass to get ass” and it means that if you want something, you gotta do something and now it’s about what you’re willing to do to get what you want and some guys, well, they’re not all that willing and as they say they are and many do make it hard for other guys to get at them because they’ve set the bar so high that even the most willing and eager cocksucker can’t reach it. It makes little sense to me for these same guys to be complaining about not being able to do this when they’re the reason why they’re not able to do this. They complain about how hard it is to find a guy when, in fact, it’s not really that hard but what they mean is that they can’t find a guy who can meet their preferences and conditions and with little room for “error,” for lack of a better word.

Hah… I talk about how easy it used to be and guys tell me that as far as they’re concerned, it was never easy and, in looking at it from their perspective, um, I know why they say this and it’s because they don’t make it all that easy and, yeah, often complaining about the women who won’t suck their dick or finish it off or, if they do, not as much or as often as they’d like. Oh, and I forgot to mention that a lot of these guys have never had oral sex with another guy not that they’d admit to. In this, you gotta bring dick to get dick and if you’re not going to do that or you make it a chore for a guy to give up the dick, guess what’s not going to happen and guess what has taken the formerly easy nature of this away and tossed it in the trash?

Women are not really at fault for this. I have maintained that if a guy wants to know why women are funny about sucking dick, don’t just ask them – suck some dick and find out for yourself. It is a fun thing to do… right up to the moment some guy makes it a traumatizing event in some way. I think that a lot of guys have overly romanticized cock sucking and are of a mind to totally avoid anything that might traumatize them and, well, good luck with that one; it sounds good on paper but the reality is something else. I don’t pretend to understand why there are men who want and expect women to take the same cock sucking risks that they don’t want to deal with; in this, I don’t pretend to understand why a lot of guys think that having that exclusively committed FWB makes them safe; it is, at best, an illusion but one that reeks of a very moral aspect: The only allowable sex is relationship sex and any sex outside of an established relationship is immoral… which is funny when you consider that men sucking dick is immoral as well.

I think back to that argument I heard that day and she was right to be mad and upset about what he did but, well, I’d not say that he was “wrong wrong” to have gotten caught up in a moment like he did because, at least back then, it was all to easy to have one thing lead to another and no matter whether a guy’s lady was blowing him the way he liked it or not because at the root of it, no matter how old a guy gets, sometimes, it’s just about boys being boys and that’s just an “easy” thing for some of us to do since, you know, we’re boys.

What I did find out through the grapevine that she dumped him… and the grapevine also said that he was spending more time having sex with guys than he was working at finding another woman. In any of this, I wouldn’t say that the ease of it – or lack thereof – is always a sexuality-driven thing… because it isn’t always the case. I still have no idea why two guys can be hanging out with each other and one or both of them – and “out of nowhere and for no reason” – get in their head that, you know, if we were to suck each other off, that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing and I kinda/sorta don’t fully understand why some guys – one or both of them – get surprised that it came up, let alone that it got done. There is some… inherent easiness in this and in that “if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter and I won’t tell if you won’t” way that has been a “thing” and for as long as I’ve been around.

I do think that, at times, it’s just easier to blame women in the majority of times and situations and that women, sad to say, aren’t exactly blameless when it comes to guys turning into situational cock suckers or purposely and deliberately getting into this. It used to be so easy it wasn’t funny… and now it isn’t. And, I think, women don’t have much to do with this change in the dynamic but the “need” for boys to be boys has a lot to do with it and given the number of wanna-be cocksuckers who’ll tell you that they’re not really bisexual.

But they do want and love to suck dick and more often without reciprocation… but with a more relational bent to things. I’m just the messenger and the guy who’s just doing all this typing about what I know and what I’ve learned both then and now. Don’t shoot me! Some women want to know why we do this and, sometimes, the answer isn’t easy for them to hear but it’s like I told one woman who was having a major hissy fit when she found out her man was getting with a guy to suck dicks: If you’re not sucking his dick – and whether or not there’s a reason to not be sucking him (and I know what some of them might be) – what do you think might happen if he runs into the right guy at the right moment? She said it shouldn’t happen and I laughed and said that it does happen so, yeah, if you don’t want your guy to wind up being a cock sucker, um, suck his dick but, yeah, I know why you might not be all that thrilled about it, too. Sometimes, women are the reason why it’s so easy for some men to get a guy to suck their dick… but I’m the guy who’ll let it be known that women aren’t always the reason why nor are they to be summarily blamed for their man or men on the whole being cocksuckers.

And I’m telling that it’s not as easy as it used to be or as easy as some folks think it is since there are those who think that all we do is run around pouncing on ever swinging dick we can lay our eyes on and it was never that easy…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Influenced

I was hanging out with a guy and we’d been shooting the breeze and getting caught up with each other when he changed the subject by saying, “Do you mind if I put on some porn?”

I shrugged and said, “Your house, your rules…” even though, at this time, I was very mindful of how… “fake” porn was with its annoying dialogs and equally annoying music.

He grins like he stole something and rushed to pop a tape into the VCR and made it a point to sit on the soft next to me but, you know, not right next to me. He’s giddy telling me about how he’d hear about this particular tape and that he just had to get it… and I gave myself a headache trying not to roll my eyes.

The flick starts and, shit, he’s got the volume turned up to very loud and he’s squirming in anticipation; it gets through the corny scenario and dialog (and making me wonder if shit really happened like that and probably not) and the very well hung guy is standing there with the petite and pretty girl sucking on his huge dick (which looks bigger than it probably really was because he’s a big guy and she’s really tiny and it’s a trick porn uses) and, admittedly, she’s doing a great job taking much of him in her mouth. I look over at him and his pants are tented and, to be truthful, I had a tent of my own; his eyes are glued to the screen and totally unaware that she’s talking to him about how big his cock is… with a mouthful of said big cock and I’m thinking she’s either a damned good ventriloquist or, yeah, this part of the flick was dubbed post-production.

She’s still working him over and my friend suddenly turns to me and asks, “Have you ever wonder what it’s like to do what she’s doing?”

I didn’t answer him since, um, I knew exactly what it was like to do what she was doing (but he didn’t know that) but he kept right on talking about it and, I think, didn’t even notice that I never answered him. To make things “worse,” he grabs the remote and rewinds the cocksucking scene and he’s going on and on about this woman sucking dick and how fascinated he was about it and, again – either talking to me or to himself – saying shit about what it’s like to suck cock and it really did get on my nerves and so much that I said, “If you want to know what it’s like to do what she’s doing, why not do it and find out?”

He let’s the flick continue but if you had been sitting with us, you would have felt that the mood in the room had changed; on the screen Mr. Big Dick is reaming out Ms. Petite’s coochie with gusto but my friend is still talking about the cock sucking part and, personally, I’m about to tell him I gotta go to the bathroom because things are getting… interesting in my pants and, to be honest, I got “tired” of waiting for him to pull his dick out and start jerking off so I could do it, too. But before I could say, “I’m going to the bathroom” he asks, “Hey, um, ah, do you think I could suck your dick? I really wanna know what it’s like to do it!”

At this point, I didn’t care if he found out something about me that he didn’t know… or that I just found out something about him. I got my dick out and said, “Go for it!” and he did (and while trying to do what we’d seen the woman on the screen doing) until I told him I had to cum and since he didn’t stop, I unloaded in his mouth. At this point, I very much wanted to get my mouth on him but no – now he wanted to talk about what he’d just done and including a confession that every since he started watching porn, he had always wanted to suck dick and like all the women he’d watched doing it and now that he did, it was a great weight off of his mind and I was happy for him but it would have been a great weight off of my mind if he’d stop talking so I could ask him if I could suck his dick.

I did get a chance to ask… and he said no and because he wanted to suck my dick again and, well, okay, I guess and sat back to let him have his fun and the only other fun I had was I got to jerk him off while he blew me this time and I didn’t like letting all that spunk go to waste but, okay – it was what it was. I did get to suck his dick a week later but he was just one of quite a few guys I had run across who became cock suckers because they watched women sucking dick in porn.

Some of them failed to be subtle about what they wanted to do and it would be funny to sit with a guy, the porn is playing, the woman or women are sucking dick and they’re commenting on it like we’re sitting there watching a football game… and I’m just waiting for them to pop the question and enduring them talking about “hypothetical” situations like, “Have you ever gotten so horny that you’d let a dude blow you?” and other such stuff before they’d finally get around to asking me if they could blow me since, um, you know, ya get pretty horny watching this stuff.

Then the confession that they’d been watching porn and been very curious about what it would be like but until now, never had the chance to do it… or, sometimes, trying to bullshit me into believing that they’d never done it before and I wasn’t buying any of it. But this… influence wasn’t just about sucking dick.

In another such moment, porn is playing, corny dialog and music and shitty editing; the woman is sucking on the dude’s dick and I could tell by the look on her face and the way she was doing it that she wasn’t feeling it all that much; homey, however, is talking about how good she’s sucking that dick (and I gave her a C- for her efforts) but he forgets all about that when the dude starts to ease his dick into her ass. I sneak a peek at him and his eyes are almost bulging out of his head as inch after inch of the big dick is going in there and – wait for it – he says, either to me or himself, “Man… I wonder what that feels like! Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be fucked in the ass?”

Um, no; I’ve never wondered about it because I know what it feels like but now I’m just sitting and waiting (with my dick painfully hard) to see what he’s either going to do or say next as he’s continuing to wonder aloud whether it really hurts as much as everyone says it is. The shorter version is that I had my dick buried in his ass after he asked and confessed that, like the guy I mentioned earlier, he’d always been curious about what it would be like to be fucked and have a nut busted in him and on this occasion, he was on the fence about it since he did find out that it can hurt going in and until you get used to such an invasion.

I’d meet other guys who’d say that they got into having sex with men because they watched porn – and not necessarily gay porn. One such guy pulled out a gay porn tape and I was surprised that he even watched stuff like that given how vocal he was about gay people (and not always in a good way) and as the men on the screen were doing their thing, he leans over and whispers – and like someone other than myself was gonna hear him – “I want you to do that to me, you know, if you don’t mind… and I won’t tell anybody that it happened, okay?”

Back in the day, the only porn available was either the infamous dirty books or 8mm “stag films” that required a projector and I didn’t think it was all that strange that a guy would (1) admit to swiping his dad’s dirty books and (2) wanted to do whatever he had read in the books. As I recall, there wasn’t much gay content and it was more likely that I didn’t personally see it (until I was much older) or the various dads in the neighborhood weren’t buying it but, yeah, quite a few guys got into having sex with boys because of them reading dirty books and wondering what it would be like since we were boys and not girls.

I’d sometimes run into a guy who’d eagerly say that he wanted to do something that he read in a dirty book… and would that be something I’d be interested in?

I’d have to say that porn can influence guys to want to try whatever they’re watching and reading (if there’s still stuff to be read). I remember when Penthouse was publishing a lot of erotic stories and some of them involved men having sex with each other… and guys wanting to find out what it was like to have sex with a guy and, um, sometimes, I happened to be there. To be honest, I didn’t always go along with the proposal and I knew of quite a few times when the guy going on and on about what he’d read in Penthouse wanted to ask but didn’t and I’d be glad that he didn’t or “disappointed” depending on the guy in question.

I was finding out that those who were influenced by porn to get some dick/ass weren’t always influenced in what I’d call a positive way; they’d see sex happening (gay or not) in some pretty spectacular ways and get it into their head that this is the way men/women like having sex and often with disastrous results when they found out that the person they were having sex with didn’t like being sexed like they were a porn star and especially if the sex was really rough. I remember meeting a guy and we’re sitting there with some gay porn on to, as he said, get us in the mood; this one scene starts with a guy bound and gagged and there’s this burly guy in biker leathers with the usual huge dick hanging out of his chaps; the burly guy rips off the gag and rams his cock into the guy’s mouth nice and deep… and the guy says, “Don’t you want somebody to do that to you?”

I said, “If someone did that to me, I would kill them and make sure they never found the body.” And he actually had the nerve to get upset with me, giving me the impression that he would have loved to re-enact that scene with me. We had sex… but I could tell he wasn’t happy that it wasn’t happening in the way or ways it had been happening in the porn flick. He even had the nerve to tell me that I wasn’t any fun, too.

It seems to me that a lot of guys very much get influenced watching gay porn – or regular porn – and just get it in their heads that what they’re watching is the way the sex is supposed to happen, whether it’s in a “loving” way or so rough and brutal that seeing some it has made me cringe and get a strong urge to commit a homicide. I was enduring yet another porn “warmup” and the flick had gotten to the point where the big, burly and muscular guy was fucking the smaller and more slender guy… and had him in a choke hold as he pounded the daylights out the smaller guy’s ass. The dude turns, looks at me and says, “That’s what I want to do to you!”

And I said, “I will put you in the hospital if you try it and, now that you’ve made your intentions clear, I’m leaving.”

He didn’t seem to understand why I didn’t want to get boned like that and even said, “It’s the way it should be done!” and I found that sentiment to be disturbing and more so when guys wanting to have sex and in the way they watch it via porn was becoming a thing. Sure it could be done like that but common sense kinda says that it’s not done in those more extreme ways and as a matter of course… and it probably shouldn’t be done as someone’s first experience. I remember being quite irate (an understatement) when I went to meet a guy and found out he had invited a friend because they wanted to DP me… and got stuck on stupid when I said, “Oh, hell, no!” and like I was supposed to be all for having two dicks shoved in my ass and I got that look on my face when they both said, “Well, that’s the way everyone does it!”

Um, fuck no they don’t… but it’s pretty scary to think and know that there are guys who watch porn and it’s their “instruction manual” on having sex with other men… or anyone else for that matter. Women object to porn because it objectifies them but I’m here today to tell you that women aren’t the only ones who get objectified by porn and as evidenced by the number of men who really do believe that everyone who sucks their dick wants to be choked while doing it or gagging until they barf or have it rammed down their throat and held there while struggling to breathe… and let’s not forget that a lot of guys think it’s da shit to get a facial or, wow, having someone putting quite a bit of their arm in their ass… or wanting to do that to someone.

Even on the forum, the topic of what porn guys watch – and how it influences them – comes up every so often and for some, it’s not merely jerk-off material – it’s the way they want to have sex and, I guess to them, the way men are supposed to have sex with other men. One guy talked about watching a gangbang flick and, I dunno, got it into his head that it would be lots of fun to be used by five or six or more guys… and when they haven’t even had sex with one guy or at all. They tend to ask questions about it because it’s what they can see in the porn that they’re watching. Indeed, I see clips of guys having sex with each other and, well, I wouldn’t do a lot of the shit that can be seen these days; slap me in the face with your dick – or slap me in the face period – and find out what I’m gonna do; I can guarantee you that you’re not going to like it. I’ve come across guys whose idea of having sex – and like they’ve seen in porn – is to pretty much beat the other guy into submission and, yep, I’ve made them unhappy when I’ve told them that, no, I don’t like it rough (and I don’t know why guys think that other guys do) and if you get to manhandling me and expect me to just take that shit, guess again… while you’re in the ICU and telling the doctor how you wound up there.

The influence porn has for some – or a lot – of guys is… pretty disturbing from where I’m sitting. I know a lot of women who tell a guy quick and in a hurry that if he’s thinking about doing some shit he saw in a porno with her, guess again, homey because she ain’t feeling any of that shit and you’d better not even think about trying to sneak it in, either. I know of guys who have been… confused over the fact that there was some “porno shit” they wanted to do and the person, male or female, they wanted to do it to wasn’t having any of it… because, I guess, they had it in their mind that whatever it was they saw, it’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I’ve maintained that porn is… an exaggeration of “art” trying to imitate life. It’s purpose isn’t so much to educate as it is to excite and stimulate but I know a lot of guys would partake of porn to be educated and then take whatever they’ve been watching as the de facto way to have sex with someone. Sure, they’re looking at it… but not looking at it. I’ve seen so much of it where the person involved just ain’t feeling what they’re getting paid to do – and you can see a lot of it in the amateur porn that’s flooding the Internet and it seems to me that some guys, since they don’t notice stuff like this, just think having sex in these exaggerated ways is not only fun but, yeah, that’s the way to do it and everyone is gonna be down for it…

Right up to the moment when the find out otherwise… and that’s often not pretty to be very nice about it. I remember watching a more… ineptly made flick with a guy where – again – the big, muscular, burly dude with the huge dick was going through all the positions with this guy over and over and the guy sitting next to me was… impressed with homey’s staying power to have fucked his guy for the entire hour the flick ran. I rolled my eyes and said, “You know that they edit these things, don’t you? That they film these things in segments then put them all together so that it looks like this guy has been fucking the other guy for all that time… and that’s not what really happened?”

I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t believe me and still didn’t when I used the remote to show him the many times the scene changed due to the editing that was done. He just said that I hated porn and, well, he wasn’t all that wrong about that because I know that porn is exaggerated and made to be larger than life and often in spectacular fashion. You could do it like that and porn is very good at showing the many, many ways to put A into B, C, and D… but the real questions is who’s gonna go along with some of those ways… and then consider the many men who really want to have sex the way they see it in porn.

Cityman loves to send me porn clips and it’s hard for me to watch them – and I do because I know he wants to know what I think about it – because even with the amateur stuff he sometimes sends, it’s… fake. It’s an act. Putting on a show for the camera. About as cliched as it can be and I can usually tell him how the clip is going to go and end… just by watching the opening moments of it because if you’ve seen it once, you’ve almost seen all of it. Sure, the sex is real enough but, yeah, I know it’s me but I can’t quite understand why a lot of guys use porn as a primer to having sex when I know how it’s done, which, yeah, takes the “fun” out of watching it. Would I really like a guy with a foot-long dick shoving it all the way down my throat and making sure I can’t back off? Fuck, no, I wouldn’t. Wouldn’t I love it to have that same thick, foot-long dick being hammered into my ass? Been there, done that, didn’t like it one bit but because the guy watched it being done like that in porn, it’s what he knows and taking it easy doesn’t seem to make sense to him.

Your eyes can deceive you so don’t trust them but when it comes to watching porn, some guys do trust what they see and, again, somehow get it into their heads that what they see is the way it’s supposed to be or how it’s to be done as a matter of course. Hell, yeah, a lot of guys get influenced by it and in a lot of ways and some have been influenced to the point where they’ve become cocksuckers or they find out what it’s like to be fucked and inseminated; sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered and sometimes not even close and sometimes with very negative and damaging results to both mind and body.

Porn didn’t influence my bisexuality and, perhaps, as it has for some guys. In fact, I was doing a lot of that stuff before I even knew that those infamous dirty books existed so when I did discover and read them – and stolen from my dad, of course – there wasn’t anything I was reading that I wasn’t already doing from sucking dick to eating pussy, fucking and being fucked. But a lot of guys, even back in the day, were influenced to find out what it was like to get some dick and, really, it’s not that difficult to see and understand why they would be and given the many guys I knew of who’d see a girl sucking their dick or they’re fucking them and they’re wondering what it feels like to suck dick and/or be fucked… then get it in their minds to find out and, yep, even more so after absorbing some porn in some form.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Adapting on the Fly

It took three weeks and a day before “Brad” and I could agree to the terms of our meeting and the sex to be had. It wasn’t the longest negotiation I’d ever been a part of but I could understand why he needed to talk out everything that came to his mind; he wasn’t a rookie but he wanted to make doubly sure that he was gonna do this with the right person and for the right reasons and to the point that he really did want to know what size underwear I wore; I felt that he had asked that just to see if I was going to answer him without asking, “What does that have to do with what we’ve been talking about?” – but I did think it and found it amusing.

He was very specific about what he wanted to do and laid out a “script” where we’d literally feel each other out – but no kissing on the lips – for ten to fifteen minutes, followed by oral sex in the 69 position with him on top and, if I was agreeable, followed by him fucking me. He was adamant that he had no interest in being fucked and at the time, I was fine with that; between all of the pictures he’d sent me and having spent a lot of time really getting to know him (including what size underwear he wore), well, I was just okay with him wanting to screw me – just one of those things that feels right.

His… meticulous approach to our meeting kinda had me laughing – aloud and to myself – as he’d often repeat exactly how we should get to the agreed upon place, where that place was, and other stuff that cracked me up about how “Secret Squirrel” he was being to make sure that there would be no chance of him running into someone he knew and despite the fact that the hotel we were to meet at was across the state line by quite a bit. It wasn’t… unreasonable to me but just a reminder of some of the stuff guys go through to keep their secret a secret.

The big day arrives and per his plan, I arrive at the appointed time and parked in the space he’d said I should park in; the plan called for me to sit in my car for five minutes and only enter once he verified that I was in the parking space (he knew what my car looked like) and I couldn’t stop myself from laughing as he poked his head out of the room’s door and surveyed the area before waving at me to come on in; I was still trying not to laugh and half-expected him to ask me if I’d been followed. As an aside – and at this point – I had to admit to being indifferent about this due to how long it took before he finally agreed that we could do this along with all this sneaking around but I’d given my word that I’d be there and that we’d do what he’d planned for us.

Those first ten minutes were intense; I don’t think that I’d ever been felt up that much by anyone before and literally from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet; hell, my doctor didn’t examine me in such exacting detail! But it was nice and his touches weren’t rough or fumbling but reigning in my impatience was starting to wear on me; I wanted to get my mouth on his very nice erection two minutes into the literal feeling out process! We assumed the position to finally get to sucking each other and it was… nice and even comfortable and as we sucked each other, I was getting mentally prepared for him to enter me and “scratch” that particular itch that had been bothering me for a while. Finally, the moment came; Brad lubed both of us up, I was face down/ass up for him and as he had requested and specified and tingling in anticipation of feeling his large cock knob pressing against my hole, then slipping inside and when I felt it, oh, yeah – this was going to feel very good!

He’d barely gotten the head of his dick in me when he stopped… then withdrew and I didn’t have to wait long for him to answer the “question” that I was going to ask; he said, “I can’t do this; this doesn’t feel right!” I turned to look at him, thinking that he was having one of those “anal sex crises” that some guys ran into; sliding your dick into a guy’s ass always sounds like a hot thing to do until you actually have to do it. I found my voice and asked, “What’s wrong?” – but was also feeling a bit irritated thinking that I’d gone through all that “trouble” to make sure I was good and clean in there and now for nothing.

“I thought I wanted to fuck you; that’s what I wanted to do and what I’d planned for,” he said and, to me, looking confused. “But I think I want you to fuck me instead – that feels right to me. I know I’ve now changed things and if you’re not okay with that, I’ll understand.”

One of the things I understood about him was that he didn’t like things changing once he had a plan and set it in motion and he had made it a point to let me know how much he didn’t like last minute changes, making me wonder how he managed to get through his day since one never knows when change is going to come along. This was different for him and I understood that and all I said was, “Okay, if that’s what you want…”

He’d went to the bathroom to give himself as much of a soapy enema as he could and I could hear him talking to himself and seemed to be quit pissed that his script got changed. He returned and I screwed him and in between his moans and groans, he kept saying, “This feels right…” After I creamed him, I flipped him onto his back and went down on him which, I guess, was another change that he wasn’t expecting or had planned for. He started to object and I said, “Just lie back and let it happen; you owe me a nut and I’m going to get it from you, okay?” And, boy, did he give it to me! I had a bit of a problem keeping up with all the spunk he was pumping into my mouth and, not for the first time, had me wondering where guys who could cum like this kept all of it… and like they really were saving it up. I was… wistful to think, as I swallowed, that I could have had all of this in my ass…

“I didn’t plan on that to happen,” Brad said after he got his act back together. “I don’t know why this didn’t go as I planned it and I’m not sure why the change didn’t bother you.”

“Things don’t always go as planned, Brad,” I said. “I don’t know how many times I’ve been with someone and we planned on things happening a certain way… and the planned got changed. Unless it’s something you’re not agreeable with, you just go with it and “worry” about why things suddenly changed later. It didn’t bother me because I tend to expect things to change in some way and sometimes I’m the reason why a change has happened. If I haven’t learned anything else, I’ve learned to be adaptable because you never know when change is going to show up but if it doesn’t, that’s good, too.”

Brad, well, he had a hard time processing this and learned that it’s okay to have a plan but, as the saying goes, no plan survives first contact. As I had said to him, I don’t know how many times I’ve agreed to get with a guy, we both agreed that, say, there will be no fucking and right in the middle of sucking dicks, I’ve heard myself say, “Stick it in me and fuck me…” or I’ve heard the other guy say it. Having a plan or even an expectation of how things are going to go is all well and good but sometimes, being in the moment can bring change to the table and now it’s a matter of being able to adapt on the fly to any changes, you know, as long as the change that’s shown up is acceptable to all involved. With Brad, I hadn’t “planned” on fucking him since it wasn’t what we’d agreed to… but Mr. Murphy just loves to take the best laid plans and just fuck them up – and not always in a bad way.

Having said that, I’ve been with guys who, like Brad, had a plan and one they were dead set on sticking to no matter what… and, yeah, sometimes, it just doesn’t work like that. I’ve seen guys get upset or become unsure of what to do and, yep, not understanding why a change in the plan showed up but there’s a reason why having sex is often said to be done by going with the flow of things – it’s just that some plans never seem to account for going with the flow and being in the moment. Depending on the change, if no one minds, it doesn’t matter; sure, there can be an awkward moment as the change gets adjusted to and some can adapt and adjust easily enough… and some remain flummoxed and out of sorts because things didn’t happen the way they planned or expected them to.

And one should never really underestimate or take for granted the power sex has to effect change. We all have that list of things we’re not gonna do for anyone and for any reason and, as such, some changes just won’t be adjusted to or accepted; for example, if Brad had enacted a change where he wanted to tie me up before sticking it in, that change would have been rejected… because homey don’t play that. If he had wanted to do me in the missionary position, um, shit, I don’t particularly like that but I can do it so such a change would be acceptable. Even something as “simple” as going from a top/bottom 69 to a side by side deal – or switching places – is a change that can take place and, usually, not one that’s hard to adjust to but I’ve been with guys who have had a bit of a rough time adjusting on the fly if the starting position isn’t working or all that ideal and for whatever reason that might happen.

It’s always good when a plan works the way it was laid out but I’ve always been of a mind that if you never think about said plan having… hiccups or changes that even the most detailed planning can’t account for, you might be in for a very interesting time if you can’t adjust on the fly and continue to go with the flow. I’ve seen changes happen that have just killed the mood, not because the change was undoable but because it happened and it was unexpected. I understand that for some, they really do want what they want and in the exact way they want it but I also think that to expect things to always happen this way is… unrealistic and more so when you don’t have any control over what the other person is thinking and feeling in the moment… and one might find that they don’t have that ironclad control over their own thoughts and feelings either.

Like the many guys who want to get their dick sucked but they don’t want to cum and they have it “planned” in their mind not to… then get to feeling some kind of way because they did… and now they’re unhappy with you because you not only “made” them do something they didn’t want to do, you fucked up their whole plan and like it’s really your fault that you sucked his dick in just the right way to cause him to cum. That and that asshole, Mr. Murphy, doesn’t have a problem fucking up a plan and not always in a good way.

In this, it’s not always about change happening – it’s how you adjust and adapt to it and if you can at all and sometimes, you just can’t or, in some cases, you just don’t want to and now another change has been effected: Whatever the mood was just got shut down and may or may not be recoverable. When Brad asked me why the change in plan didn’t bother me, I told him that I never expect things to happen the way they’re planned to be because shit happens and always tends to happen when you least expect it and you definitely wouldn’t want it to… or maybe you do. I know it’s probably just me but I’ve learned not to plan or expect things other than what is actually happening at and in the moment they’re happening. It’s okay to think that you’re not going to change your mind about whatever it is you planned on doing and it’s good when you don’t have to change your mind… but sometimes, it happens and you might even spend some time wondering why it did and whether or not it was a good thing or not.

And it’s still very much about being able to adapt on the fly. Some changes in plans are explainable, like the many times a woman has made it clear that she’s not going to blow me without a condom… then rips it off of me and goes for what she knows and explains that [usually] it didn’t feel right to her or, as one woman told me, “I reserve the right to change my mind any time I want to!” Some changes defy explanation like the many times I didn’t plan on being screwed and wasn’t even feeling it… and I changed the script and demanded he get it in me and as he was doing so – and if the change didn’t mess up his plans – I’m wondering why I changed my mind about not being screwed other than “something” suggesting to me that it was the thing I needed done and in that moment. Or even those weird moments when you just “know” that there’s going to be a change in whatever’s going on… and it doesn’t happen… but, after the fact, both parties confirm that, yeah, something was “supposed” to change but, okay, it didn’t happen and it’s not that big of a deal and there’s always next time and if there will be a next time.

When it comes to bisexuality, we talk about the fluid nature of human sexuality but we don’t often applied the fluidic nature of things to our thoughts and/or actions, which tend to be kinda static or, once you have a plan in place, you’d prefer that nothing changes that plan even when we know that there’s no way to plan for every eventuality that could show up – we just hope that nothing comes along to change things and even say that if something changes, we’ll worry about it if it does… which kinda/sorta doesn’t always work when you’re having sex because there’s a narrow window for one to decide to go with the change or not and communicate the decision and at the risk of killing the mood and more so when the other person isn’t of a mind to change the plan they had laid out in their head… or maybe they are – you just don’t know.

I don’t know about bisexual women all that much but I know some bi guys don’t adapt or adjust well to changes on the fly and it seems to me that there are some guys who have set it in their mind that they’re not going to change anything even if the moment calls for or even demands that something gets changed. Like the guy who really did get mad at me because, two minutes into sucking his dick, he lost his load and he hadn’t planned on that happening and, yep, it was my fault. It made me ask him, “What did you really think was gonna happen?” and his response was, “Not that! You were supposed to make it last a lot longer then stop so we could do something else!” Well, hmm, it would have been nice if he had clued me in to this plan he had, huh, not that I would have gone along with it… or maybe I would have. He was having one hell of a hissy fit about it and going on and on about how his whole plan got ruined when he stopped to catch his breath, I mentioned, “You do know I can go back down on you, don’t you?”

His reaction told me that he never considered this and it definitely wasn’t included in whatever plans he had and while this change in things worked out well for both of us – he got sucked off twice to my once – he was still miffed that I fucked up his plans and made him cum when he hadn’t planned on doing it at that time… and all I could do was sit there and look at him with a, “What the fuck, man?” look on my face. I didn’t “plan” on him busting a nut when he did and adapted on the fly when he started filling my mouth up and that was fine with me… but not so much with him. I adapted on the fly and easily so.. but him? Not so much. I remember telling him of the many times when I hadn’t “planned” on cumming before a certain point or moment… and I did before whatever that point was and, well, it happened and if I was gonna blame anyone, it would be that asshole Murphy fucking shit up and changing the “plan” and now it’s still about adjusting and adapting or knowing that you can and have to depending on how the change affected the other person.

Change is… insidious. Doesn’t much care about what you may have planned or expected. Shit happens… or it doesn’t. It’s the reason why I tell a lot of bi guys that when you’re going to do the deed, don’t expect anything other than having sex because you just never know when Mr. Murphy is going to show up and turn the one-on-one deal into a threesome that’s gonna change some stuff. You learn to draw that line between the things you will do and those things you won’t ever do – and that’s fine – but some guys have a problem adjusting on the fly even when the change is something on their list of things they will do.

Like the guy who lays down his plan that he’s gonna suck my dick but the plan doesn’t call for me cumming in his mouth but when I warn him and he keeps sucking, well, welcome to the party, Murphy. After the fact, the guy feels the need to explain why he changed “the plan” and I’ve had guys say that they didn’t know why they changed things up and now they either regret that they did or they don’t but, yeah, the plan changed and it was all about their ability to adjust on the fly or not being able to. Why did he do something he didn’t plan on doing? Shit happens and so does change and sex is pretty damned powerful to boot and can override plans and expectations; not always in a good way depending on what the change was but, yeah, sometimes, delightfully so and even when a change that got effected was something on their “never gonna do” list.

Brad was pretty messed up over his change in the plan and declined to get together at some other time so that we could put his plan in play and without any changes being made to it. One of those things that I understood but not all that much because, again, if I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that shit happens when you don’t expect or want it to, like the woman who said, “When you’re gonna cum, pull out – I don’t want you to cum in me!” and I’m doing her, I’m about to cum and tell her and even start to pull out… and I can’t move because she’s got me firmly in place and, well, you know what happened. Why did she change her mind? She said she didn’t know why other than it was a good idea and all that. She was happy… and not so much since getting creamed wasn’t something she had planned on or even wanted to happen… then she did and, well, okay – I adapted on the fly even though being in a leggy body lock didn’t give me much of a choice but, still.

I’m all for having a plan even when the plans have plans… but I know they can change because shit happens when you’re caught up in the moment and now it’s all about being able to adapt on the fly to whatever the change is but if you can’t, well, you can’t and there’s nothing to be done for or about it other than to learn how to adapt on the fly because you never know when you just might be called on to change your plans or when someone inserts a change in the theirs. I learned this not just because I’ve had guys (in particular) insert a change but I’ve, um, changed some stuff in mid-action and sometimes without really knowing why I did other than I wanted or needed the change for some reason to be determined all after the fact and if at all.

I think that bisexual fluidity should account for the inherent fluidity that comes with being in the moment and being able to adapt on the fly one way or the other and not expecting a plan to always go as planned because sometimes, that asshole Murphy has a plan of his own and it’s usually something that would never cross you mind in your own planning. The problem comes when we don’t expect anything to change so if it does, well, that’s fucked up and, yeah, can be even more fucked up when you’re the one who changed the plan and you might not even know why you did.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Horror Stories

Many of these things I heard were… bi-partisan in that girls heard some of the same dire warnings that us guys did, like, staying away from creepy people who might kidnap you and rape you over and over. In my younger days, the adults did their best to put a lot of fear into us about… hobos, specifically but I don’t quite recall anyone in our neighborhood that the other adults considered to be creepy and to be avoided.

In instilling the fear of sex into us, man, they were pretty good at it. Girls would be told about boys and their evil pricks that would hurt and ruin them for life as well as getting them into trouble, code at the time for getting pregnant. Boys were told about those evil faggots who’d snatch us off the street and do unspeakable things to us as well as even more dire warnings about going to hell if we ever got it in our heads to have sex with other boys.

Some of us believed what we were told… and some of us just didn’t so much. As most kids seem to do as a matter of course, we thought adults were pretty insane and they had no idea of what they were talking about. Girls would have sex with us, lose their cherries and find that they didn’t get ruined for life and that our pricks weren’t as evil as they were told and getting into trouble wasn’t happening but about the time all of us guys started shooting sperm, the horror stories began to emerge and for the girls, the biggest one was being talked into sucking a guy’s dick and him saying that he wasn’t going to shoot his stuff in her mouth and more so when the word somehow started making the rounds that it tasted nasty and if you let a boy do that, the girl would get sick and die.

We were told about that, too, and a horror story about boys putting their mouth on a girl’s “kitty cat” and suffering wounds from the teeth down there started making the rounds but most of us didn’t pay that one any attention since, um, we knew there were no sharp teeth down there. But among us who were having sex with other guys, stories started to emerge about being talked into being screwed, telling the guy not to stick it in too far – because one of the horror stories making the rounds was that if a boy stuck his prick in that place, not only was it going to hurt like nothing ever hurt before but your hiney could be ripped apart and you’d have to go to the hospital to get it fixed… and if it could be fixed at all.

Just as a lot of girls did, we often got fooled and surprised when a guy would swear to God that if we sucked their dick, they wouldn’t shoot their stuff in our mouth or they’d let us know that they were about to shoot and tell us… and they didn’t… and then the mouthful and now the poor guy would be traumatized something fierce and just as many girls got. Girls would talk about telling the guy not to stick it in too far and definitely don’t shoot their stuff in them… and got traumatized because the guy stuck it in too far and shot their stuff in them… and some guys were telling the same horror stories and were so traumatized by it that they were convinced that they were going to get in trouble.

It wasn’t that the horror stories – and there were a lot of them – weren’t believed but I’d have to say that unless you experienced something that would create your own horror story, eh, maybe they weren’t that real and, indeed, some would make up a horror story and sometimes to cover up the fact that they were having sex like it was going out of style but a lot of those stories were real for both boys and girls from being conned into having sex and being promised that no one would find out – and then the whole neighborhood would find out – to guys promising not to fuck them and they’d wind up doing just that and, of course, more and more stories about having the “jizz” being delivered somewhere that the person receiving it didn’t want it.

Not so much in our neighborhood but in others, stories about being forced to have sex appeared involving both boys and girls; there were horror stories told about one guy wanting to have sex but when it went down, there were a lot of other guys there with their dicks hard and waiting their turn to stick it in you and making it hurt really bad as they did it to you. Some were believable and some weren’t depending on the person telling the story. One guy told the story of having a train pulled on him by a bunch of other and much older guys – read this as teenagers – and how they spent a couple of hours making him suck their dicks and all of them fucking him and how horrible an experience it was… but we knew the “victim” and knew that he was quite the fan of sucking dicks and taking it in the ass and as the story made the rounds, the guys involved all said that they didn’t force him into anything and that he came to them and wanted them to do it all to him.

The various horror stories had the effect of introducing trauma to a lot of boys and girls and all at the hands – dicks – of males. We’d sometimes hear a story about how a girl was made to have sex with another girl and how very scary it was and how the girl in question was all scared and everything but you didn’t hear a lot of such horror stories and many of them, when the truth came out from one side – the “perpetrator” – or the other – the alleged “victim” – er, um, it wasn’t that horrific since the “victim” didn’t immediately turn into a bull dyke and as some horror stories went. Among us guys, similar horror stories existed about guys roaming the streets and looking to turn unsuspecting guys into faggots and making them have “jelly babies;” some of them were true and some, eh, not all that true and in a lot of situations, the horror story was really about being unmercifully teased about some guy making you have a jelly baby which was really nothing more than having a load of spunk shot in your butt and it would ooze out.

But many believed the stories even when many of the were proven not to be all that true and because they were unconditionally believed, those who did were quite traumatized by events that, in actuality, didn’t happen to them but because it happened to someone else, they just believed that it would happen to them. A lot of the stories were about having bad sex with someone and because the sex didn’t happen as promised or as expected, the story was all about how traumatized they were made to be and like many of the horror stories, some of them were true and some weren’t so much but those who fibbed about it did so to cover up the fact that they not only had sex but they actually did like it.

I was seeing that a lot of people tended to believe the horror stories more than they would the truth of things. I’d run into guys and girls who, on the one hand, wanted to have sex but, on the other, would cite horror stories that they heard of as the reason why they wasn’t gonna have sex. For myself, eh, I’d experience bad sex with someone but I’d learned – and because of the many horror stories about getting an unexpected mouthful of spunk or getting a dick stuck in too far – that if a guy told me that he wasn’t going to do any of that, I didn’t believe him even though a lot of guys were very true to their word but on the whole? If I sucked their dick, I knew they were gonna shoot jizz in my mouth and if they wanted to stick it in me, they were gonna stick it in as far as they could get it so those things didn’t create any horror stories or trauma for me so much but, yeah, if asked, I’d point out the liars to others in a hurry since once someone got the reputation of being a “bad guy,” it stuck… and even if the guy wasn’t really as bad as everyone said he was.

Yeah… a guy tricked me into going home with him, drugged me, and had his way with me and I felt really bad about that… because I was dumb enough to believe him when I shouldn’t have. Was it traumatizing? The truth is that, um, shit, the sex was pretty good and he took care not to cause me any physical harm outside of slipping me a Mickey. I did recover from it and when I had a chance, I laid a terrible ass-whooping on him and the level of violence I displayed did more to “traumatize” me more than him having his way with me did… and I realized that I wasn’t as much mad at him as I was with myself for being stupid enough to walk right into his trap.

I’d come across guys who were very damned curious about having sex with a guy but they were afraid to because of all the horror stories that abounded like the one that said if you had sex with a guy, you were going to turn into a faggot and start switching and wearing dresses and other stuff like that. Or they heard from a friend of a friend of a friend’s cousin’s brother that being fucked in the ass would result in you shitting yourself all of the time. Or choking to death if a guy shot his nasty tasting spunk in your mouth. All kinds of horror stories and most of them untrue or greatly exaggerated.

I’d come across girls I very much wanted to have sex with and a lot of them had their own horror stories that they’d heard that would have them saying no and for many of them, whatever the horror story they were relating didn’t actually happen to them but, yeah, sometimes, it did and even if they were of a mind to have sex, they’d be leery about it and expecting the worst to take place and nothing I could say would convince them that I wasn’t “that guy” or whoever it was that made having sex such a traumatic experience for them.

Today, I get to see so many guys who take the horror stories to heart and like they’re going to experience all of them if they have sex with another guy… while wanting to have sex with guys. I’ve said in past writings that I am really not kidding when I say there are guys who believe that if they even touch another guy’s cock, he’s going to get fatally infected with something and wind up being girly gay. In this, yeah, it’s true that some guys get burned with the clap or wind up HIV+ but such stories abound to the point where a great many men believe that they will be infected – and a lot of women believe it, too, and, as such, having sex with them comes with a set of conditions and other such things that doesn’t as much serve to keep them safe as it does keep them from having sex – period. There are guys today who believe that if they have sex with a guy, they’re going to instantly become gay and there are some gals who believe that if they have sex with another woman, they’re gonna turn into man-hating lesbians… and all because of the plethora of horror stories that are still making the rounds or many of the new ones added to the lexicon of horror stories.

It often amazes me how many people wind up traumatizing themselves over stuff that they’ve never experienced but stuff that happened to other people that they didn’t even know. I’ve written time and time again that when you’re a guy who has sex with guys, you really do learn a lot of the reasons why women behave the way they can when it comes to having sex… because it’s a sure and safe bet some guy traumatized the shit out of them and now you’re just guilty of introducing even more trauma to them and even if you manage to have sex with them, well, that they’re traumatized in some way and by some means – like the horror stories – becomes pretty apparent. I know why a lot of women are the way they are about sucking dick… because I’ve experience a lot of those things myself; likewise, I know what it’s like to be fucked by a guy and it started out being nice… and turned into something not even close to being nice. In this, I know all too well what it’s like to just lie there and take it because to fight back just isn’t worth it and as strange as that sounds but those of you who have done this, yeah, you know exactly what I’m talking about and having to do so can be traumatizing and for many, permanently and perpetually so.

Ya might think that the real “trauma” is being bisexual and being subjected to all the angst and other bullshit – and the horror stories – being bandied about regarding the evils of being bisexual… but the real trauma is believing that whatever horror story you’ve heard of is absolutely guaranteed to happen to you. We have, in truth and in deed, been traumatized right out of the gate with how terribly evil it is to be homosexual… except, bisexuals aren’t homosexuals but if the shoe fits, it’s close enough for government work for a great many people and the horror stories that abound that have happened to homosexuals – both known and unknown – are, in and of themselves, traumatizing and causes great and abject fear even though there are things one can do to protect themselves against those horrors, both real and imagined. The social angst toward male bisexuals has effectively traumatized women into not even wanting to know a bi guy, let alone have sex with him because they believe that if they do, they’re going to catch something and die a horrible death at some point and if not immediately and if that doesn’t happen, it’s a given that we’re going to cheat on them out of hand.

Those things do, sadly and unfortunately, happen but what gets overlooked is that it doesn’t happen to everyone but the purveyors of horror stories will have you believe that it will and no matter if you’re male or female. They don’t speak much about the fact that a lot of guys watch porn and use it as a primer and get into their heads that the shit they’re watching is the way to have sex… and that anyone they have sex with wants to be choked, gagged, repeatedly and unpleasantly pounded or otherwise be subjected to sex in a way that, given some of the stuff I’ve seen, can even upset me. We don’t talk much about how this particular form of trauma and source of horror stories affects us and sexuality isn’t at issue all that much.

Yeah… us bi guys know just like women do and some of the stuff we know isn’t good. If what we know – and even via the horror stories – doesn’t make us leery about who we have sex with, they’ve proven to make sure that a lot of bisexuals will be forever sitting on the bench since we have this habit of believing and expecting the worse more than the truth and that which can be so delightfully pleasurable. None of this really speaks well about some men but as with the horror stories, if one of us is guilty of being a trauma-causing, disease-ridden asshole, all of us are and by default. Like, a guy asked how he could suck dick and taste cum… without getting it in his mouth and being subjected to the taste – which is always presumed to be horrible – but to not catch HIV in his mouth and as he heard was 100% possible. And, hell, no – I am not making this up but it’s evidence of how any of us can be traumatized by horror stories and even more so when there’s not a lot of truth behind them.

Even the CDC says that there’s only a 4% chance of getting your mouth infected and both men and women lose their shit over this and become fearful and traumatized… but not doing the math and seeing that what the horror storytellers don’t mention is that there’s a 96% chance that all you’re gonna get is a mouthful of dick/pussy and sperm/girl juices. The fears and horror stories just spread and when I’m on the forum, my god, I see guys losing their shit over them and their firm belief that if they get off the bench, every last horror story they’ve ever heard – and all the horrific trauma – is going to happen to them.

It makes it almost impossible for some men and women to see that where bisexuality is concerned, we have a lot in common and that we even share horror stories and things that can be traumatizing. I mean, really: If you suck a guy’s dick long enough and in just the right way, what do you think is going to happen if you don’t have his dick wrapped up in a condom? Does or can it hurt like the dickens to have a dick going in your ass? Yep but there are ways to make it less painful and it’s not like we don’t know about them but we sure will put a lot of stock in the horror stories that surround this particular thing… and maybe, just maybe, because it’s easier to believe the horror stories than to find out that they don’t happen to everyone and as a matter of course. Some events are, for some, traumatizing at first but they work through it and see that it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to allow a traumatizing moment – and one that happened a long time ago – to literally steal their joy and need to have sex.

The horror stories women have about sucking dick and the traumatizing effects is – and I hate to say it but I will – directly responsible for men getting their dicks sucked by other men because there probably isn’t a one of us who doesn’t know that a guy will suck your dick and swallow your cum and be a happy clam to boot. Except, um, there are guys who won’t… because they’ve heard the horror stories or they’ve allowed a “bad” moment influence them going forward. I’ve unfornatetly tasted a lot of bad-tasting spunk… hasn’t stopped me from sucking cock or swallowing. Likewise, I’ve tasted some not-so-nice pussies and without any ill effects other than having a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve had sex with men and women and have, well, not regretted it in that sense but I have asked myself why I thought it would be a good idea to have sex with them and, yeah, wish I hadn’t… but you can’t change what has already happened and to have major pity-parties about how bad the sex was and how traumatizing it was, well, doesn’t make sense to me… but it does for a lot of men and women and no matter what their sexual orientation is.

It is just that bisexuality is rife with horror stories from the sexual to the emotional for both men and women and, sheesh, there’s just no escaping them, is there? Some of today’s horror stories are the same ones I heard when I was growing up and a lot of them, I’ve found, were only traumatic to an individual because the sex happened in way that they didn’t expect it to, like the many guys who said not to cum in their mouth because they heard that it tastes nasty as fuck – then expecting the guy they’re sucking to not cum when, in fact, the guy doing the sucking is doing all of the stuff that’s almost guaranteed to make it happen. Many expect to be warned and believe that there’s no reason or excuse for not warning them and I’m like, wow, you really believe that, huh? Or they think they’re gonna get dicked down in a loving and tender way – and like they’ve seen in porn or have fantasized about… then get their hole hammered and now they’re all traumatized by this and permanently so.

Indeed and when it comes to men – and because I have no idea if it’s true for bisexual women – guys will create preferences and scenarios that they think will prevent them from experiencing a horror story of their own and any trauma and, in fact, it does… because those things go a long way to make sure that they’re never going to get any dick even though they want some. Is getting some going to make them gay – and as I heard way, way back in the day? Um, no, not really but it is true that some guys do discover their gayness but guess which thing a lot of men and women are more likely to believe?

Sadly, many of the horror stories are real… and many of them are just someone being unhappy about how the sex happened for them and now they’re traumatized for life and now there’s one more horror story to add to the ever-growing stash of horror stories. The catch-22 in a lot of this is that the best way to avoid the horror stories is to not have sex… with anyone. Ever. Except, um, yeah, having sex is one of those things that we need to do because it’s healthy for both mind and body but so many of us are more than willing to let the horror stories be an unhealthy thing for both mind and body and then have them complaining about how they’re not getting laid.

And if you put more weight and importance to the horror stories, both real and imagined, guess what you’re not going to be doing? Shit really does happen and there is a reason why, say, the old heads of my generation would go on at great length about how dirty and nasty sex is… because it can be very dirty and very nasty and traumatically so… but, again, what the storytellers don’t mention – or try to wave off as inconsequential – is that not everyone experiences the horrors of sex but, yeah, guess what a lot of people are more likely to believe and allow to influence them now and forever more?

Bisexuals aren’t immune or exempt from the horror stories and many do come at the hands – or cocks – of other men. We will allow that one bad apple who made being bisexual a bad thing to make all bisexuals bad people who are going to do us great harm and as a matter of course. And we will believe this as the gospel truth and that’s the scary part. If you listen to some of the storytellers, they will make you believe that all bisexual men come “pre-installed” with every nasty thing known to man and if you have sex with one, again, you will be instantly and fatally infected… even if the bi guy in question has never gotten any dick – and he hasn’t because he believes the horror stories, too, and even he might not be aware of how his belief in those horror stories has, in effect, traumatized them…

And anyone else who totally and completely believes in them and are 100% sure that they will get traumatized out of hand. The bad news is that this, too, is what it means to be human and the things we’ll do – and do to each other – in the pursuit of sexual gratification. Now it’s just a matter of how you’re going to let any of this affect you even if/when you have your own horror stories to tell… and take a guess at how it affects a great many people.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Common “Misconception”

I have, in my time, heard a lot of guys poo-poo getting with a guy because, as they say, they don’t or can’t get turned on by men like they do with women and the misconception is that they actually believe it’s supposed to be that way.

Okay and, duh, men and women are different. Physically. Emotionally. Making out with a woman “isn’t the same” as making out with a guy but, um, if you know some stuff about the human body, it is the same. Lips can be kissed, ears messed with, necks, nipples, and all the skin everywhere. I’ve thought that this… misconception happens because of the disconnect between mind and body; your body tends to not give a fuck who is making it feel good… but your mind does. Women even feel subliminally… different; you tack on the thing that we’ve been told, that if you’re gonna get sexually turned on, women are the ones to flip your switches and, truth be told, they’re very good at it…

But so are men… if they can get their heads past the fact that there’s a guy doing his best to turn them on. We – bi guys – get all into deep discussions about whether we’re really attracted to the guy… or just his dick and there are a lot of guys who’ll tell you that they’re all about the dick and not the guy so much but not, I think, considering that if they’re getting some guy’s dick to play with, there is, in fact, some “attraction” taking place and in line with our “habit” of not having sex with anyone we don’t have some kind of attraction to. It’s just that attraction is about more than what you can see with your eyes and many of us, both men and women, have found out the hard way that just because it looks good doesn’t mean that it is good.

For a guy to expect a man to turn him on and in the same way a woman would when making out is… unrealistic since, duh, women are different but that doesn’t mean that a guy couldn’t get his switched flipped to the on position making out with another guy and more so when in terms of making out, there aren’t that many things that you can do with a woman that you can’t do with a man and accounting for the obvious physical differences. That men have a somewhat shitty reputation when it comes to making out and in the form of foreplay probably doesn’t help any but I think that because, duh, men and women are physically different, a lot of guys just have it in their head that they can’t get highly turned on making out with another guy and, as such, if your head doesn’t believe it, it’s not likely to happen.

So a lot of guys, I think and because they can’t get their head around making out with a guy and like they would with a woman, are all and just about the dick as the focus of their “attraction.” Even with myself, I’ll admit that I don’t look at other men and get all weak in the knees; you ask me what type of guy I like and you’ll get my laundry list that doesn’t include how he looks; I’m more about personality, intelligence, stuff like that more than I am about him looking all GQ cool or having to wrap his dick around his waist a couple of times to keep from tripping over it. Just as with food, we eat with our eyes… but in this – and I’ve written it time and time again – you have to see with better eyes and look for that which is attractive… and that which has nothing to do with the way he actually looks.

I mean, seriously: It’s not like we’re gonna be making babies with each other. Good sex is where you find it and with anyone but if you keep relying on what your eyes see, eh, you just might wind up missing out on a lot of good sex. I think my protege, Cityman, often gets baffled when we talk about being attracted to a guy and I say, “I don’t particularly give a fuck what he looks like…” because I don’t. Ah, but where is his head about this and other things? What’s his personality like? Stuff like that. Does he have the fire and desire? And, you betcha – does his dick work? Most important, is he not my idea of an asshole? All nice and healthy? Doesn’t reek like a sewer on a hot summer’s day? Homey could be butt-ugly even to my sense of aesthetics but if he’s willing to throw it down and has passed my “tests,” let’s do this and, really, if I’m going to let my mind get in the way of me being turned on, I seriously need to get my head checked out and have a very serious conversation with myself because, um, the purpose of having sex is to get turned on, you know, unless I’ve managed to miss something.

Like I said to Cityman, when you start talking about not getting with a guy because you’re not attracted to him, you might want to ask yourself what you’re looking at and rethink what “being attracted” to someone means and like someone being unattractive because you just cannot find a single thing that is attractive about him but, yeah, if it’s just his cock, that actually works… and we probably think that it shouldn’t. I’m not sure that Cityman, when we talk about being attracted, really gets it when I say, “If I’m going to be attracted to anything, I’m attracted to having sex first and foremost…” Then again, I have a different “idea” of what is attractive and it’s not just looks because I know they don’t mean a whole lot and, um, yeah, if I’m blowing him, I’m too busy to be looking at him and making googly eyes at him or fawning over how good looking he is… and I know his body works just like everyone else’s body does and it can be fun trying to find all of his good spots that, when fucked with, will turn his ass on and even before I get to his dick.

When you get all caught up with who and more than you do what, sure – a lot of guys aren’t gonna get turned on by another guy and they sure as hell ain’t gonna get turned on like they would with a woman and, again, if they expect to get turned on in the exact same way, dude, you ain’t looking at this the “right” way since, um, in order to be turned on, you have to want to be turned on and, ah, it doesn’t happen “automatically” and not even or always with women since there’s a part of your mind that is paying attention to things about the other person that doesn’t have a damned thing to do with they way they look. Having said this, there are a lot of guys who will tell you what the other guy has to look like and, often, in very exacting terms and ways; they’ll mention stuff like personality, intelligence and having other things in common but first and foremost, they’re all about what the other guy looks like and if a guy doesn’t match up with this, deal-breaker and not even worth talking to.

It’s understandable, actually – we’re conditioned to look at people this way and I’d be one of the first to tell you that watching two guys making out looks ugly… but it’s not about what it looks like but all about what it feels like, you know, if you could allow yourself to get into what it feels like. I’ve had guys tell me that I go about this the wrong way, that how he looks is important and I say, “You act like I’m gonna marry the guy or we’re gonna have babies; I want to have sex with him or he wants to with me and what he looks like doesn’t mean a whole lot but, sure, there are other things about him that do mean a whole lot. He has a dick and I know what to do with it and, again, he can be as ugly as the original sin… but if his head is in my idea of the right place and his desire is genuine – and, please, don’t ask me to explain that because I can’t but I know if it is or not – then let’s so somewhere, get each other hard, and make each other soft and if we had fun doing it, sure – I wouldn’t object to doing it again.

Because I learned not to expect men to turn me on like a woman would or like she’s “supposed to.” Indeed, one of the things I had to get used to early on was the fact that my body would go off the reservation being touched and fondled by both guys and gals. Start kissing my neck and I’m going to melt all over you; suck on my nipples and I’ll melt even more. I’ve never been of a mind that a guy couldn’t turn me on because they sure as fuck can… but not because of how they look or the shape of their body or even the size of their dick or lack thereof. If they want to get you turned on, you have to be open to getting turned on because, um, duh, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? If you aren’t, it might not be solely because the other person is inept at it… but could be about what’s going on inside your head that’s pretty much cock-blocking you from getting turned on. I also happen to know that some people put a limiter on their ability to get turned on… by anyone because it’s going to unlock them emotionally and usually in ways they don’t want to get unlocked.

Sometimes, I think this… misconception is borne out of the fact that some guys just find it way too weird to know that a guy could turn them on… and just like a woman could. It is more likely a disconnect that a lot of guys put in place because getting that turned on by a guy just might be “too gay” for their sensibilities to handle so it’s… convenient and a lot more comfortable for some guys to say that the only thing that turns them on is the guy’s dick… but it’s really more than that and not that they’d admit to it. Most guys don’t get my attention; some are actually quite handsome and I can acknowledge and appreciate that… but it doesn’t mean I wanna sleep with them because, again, I learned the hard way to look past appearances. Sure, if he were to pull his dick out, he will most certainly get my attention and no matter what it looks like but even that doesn’t guarantee I’m going to be all over it even if my body is telling me to go for it. Nah… you gotta pass inspection and I’m going to look as deep as I can; I might be good and horny… but I’m not stupid or careless and I know for a fact that my eyes can and have deceived me and I’m not gonna trust them.

Making out is… making out. Hell, I’ve even kissed guys from time to time and I know that if my lips on his is off-limits, um, I know a little somethin’-somethin’ about human bodies and the most sensual organ on the human body: Our skin. But all of what I know will only work on someone if they allow it to work and guys, well, yeah, we can be very, very funny about that and, yeah, expecting to experience the exact same kind of turn-on that we can experience with women. It just remains true that if you’re not of a mind to be turned on, it ain’t gonna happen. I don’t know about anyone else but I wanna be turned on and, again, I know that what someone looks like or anything else my eyes can see isn’t and can’t be the “only thing” that’ll turn me on but if we’re getting ready to have sex, um, I’m already turned on because I am very much attracted to having sex. I know that after it’s all said and done, uh, yeah – might not be “all that” which, for a lot of people, tends to sour the whole thing but even I had to ask myself, “Was I having fun before it was decided that it wasn’t that much fun?”

Chances are that I was and this was the thing to pay the most attention to… and not whether or not the other person was good-looking or had other desirable physical characteristics and, oh, yeah, characteristics that women have… and men don’t, well, not by design anyway. The “Hearts Not Parts” gang just cracks me up when they insist that to be bisexual means being attracted to the person first and foremost… and I’m of a mind that they don’t understand how this really works and that men can have sex just to be doing it and without a single attractive thing being in play other than being horny as fuck which, historically, is the “wrong reason” to have sex with anyone. You have to be attracted to them and a lot of people expect that attraction to happen instantly and, it seems to me, not of a mind to be bothered by looking into someone and finding something that’s attractive about them enough to scratch some itches.

I once had sex with a 400-pound gay man… and he handed my head to me and turned me on like few gay men ever have. It wasn’t his physical form that I found attractive – it was who he was as a person and how we wound up bonding to the point where, um, okay, he wants to back up all that shit he’s been talking? I’m game… and even though I actually thought that he wouldn’t be able to back it up, oh, hell, yeah – he most certainly did and he turned me on big time and before we even got undressed. Yeah… holy shit. That’s what I’m talking about. But the key factor in this – and anytime I’ve had sex with anyone – is that I wanted to get turned on and just knowing that we’re about to have sex is, all by itself, a major turn-on until it’s proven not to be. Just about anyone can flip my switches to the on position right up to the moment they do or say something to flip those switches off… and sometimes, all one has to do to to turn me off is to open their mouth. Or to be aggressive. Or a few other things that continues to prove to me that beauty is only skin deep but ugly is deep to the bone and if that’s the case, you’ll not be seeing my bone and I wouldn’t have sex with you with my worst enemy’s dick.

Sigh. I don’t get turned on by men in the same way I do with women… but I get turned on and that’s the whole point and one that’s key to the sexual part of bisexual. Shit… I’m almost always turned on and now it’s a thing of what someone is going to do or say that will result in turning me off… and both men and women are more than capable of turning me off. But this is me… and not all bi guys and definitely not those guys who expect to experience the exact same kind of turning on that they’d experience with a woman.

But they could… if they’d allow themselves to be and some guys for some reason ain’t feeling that. Sucks to be them since being this way ain’t getting them any dick at all (and probably not any pussy, either).