Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexual Women

I vividly remember the first time I actually saw two girls “doing it” to each other. I’d found myself hanging out with them one hot, boring, summer day because my male friends were conspicuous by their absence and while I could have gone off alone to roam aimlessly around, bleh, I wasn’t feeling it. So myself and two other girls who lived in our ‘hood just kinda hung out, trying to figure out what we could do to keep ourselves occupied and more so when we’d been “evicted” from our homes and told to go outside, get some air, and play.

And stay out of trouble.

That one of them said, “We should go to a place and do the nasty…” didn’t surprise me because I’d long since realized that whenever we got bored silly, um, there was really only one thing to do. And while there were a lot of times when our gatherings were of mixed company, I felt some… panic because I’d never been the only guy in the presence of two girls who wanted to do it – there was usually another guy in the group.

It was an exciting moment albeit one I wasn’t truly able to wrap my head around for a great many more years but, okay, they wanted to do it and I was the “king” of wanting to do it (at least in my own mind) so off we went to one of our infamous “clubhouses” (vacant apartment buildings) so we could do it. That I was gonna get to do it to both of them was exciting enough… but what never crossed my mind was them doing it to each other.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t heard that girls were doing the same thing us guys were doing – I had and even I couldn’t figure out how that would work and asking the girls in our little sex-crazed gang usually resulted in a lot of funny looks, eye-rolling, and giggling. But this day, here I was on the second floor of one our more frequented places and watching two girls, well, making love to each other.

Kissing. Rubbing. Touching… and going down on each other. They were so engrossed with each other that I was pretty sure they’d forgotten that I was even there and at the moment they started to lick each other “down there,” um, well, hmm, let’s say that it had an explosive effect on me and one that I was kinda glad they were too busy with each other to notice. I felt… inadequate and, again, it was a feeling I wouldn’t really understand until later in life but it was clear to me – and once they remembered I was there, naked, and hard – that my skills at eating pussy was woefully pitiful compared to what I had observed and, yeah, being told that I could do much better.

Rumors of girls doing it to each other were one thing… but now I had proof that it was true and I didn’t look at girls the same way ever again. We spent a lot of time doing it and as we finally wore each other out – and my dick refused to get hard again – we left the place but I was warned by them to never tell anyone else what I’d seen them do. The two of them clued me into some stuff, like, girls almost routinely did it with each other because, for them, it was safer than doing it with boys who were shooting the baby making stuff (like me) and I could tell that they meant no offense when they said that girls do it better than boys ever could.

As I grew up, there was a lot of interest in girls who’d do it with both boys and girls but it was always rumor, speculation and if you were dumb enough to ask a girl about it, well, you’d be lucky to survive it. Even when I grew into adulthood, well, sure – knew for a fact that girls had sex with each other but I also knew that, at least in my neck of the woods, you never really heard about it except a lot of nasty-assed comments from guys who asked a girl for sex and got turned down (and sometimes brutally) so those bitches had to be one of those man-hating lezzies/bull dykes that everyone would riff about from time to time.

There’s a mystique that surrounds the bisexual woman and one that probably is perpetrated by men as well as one that’s not appreciated by bisexual women since the much-dreaded word, threesome, would be thrown at them and under the assumption that if a woman liked both, well, it “made sense” for them to want both at the same time, right?

Not even. Sure… some bisexual women do enjoy group sex situations but not as a matter of course and I learned that if you didn’t have an idea about how women look at sex, well, bringing up that word could get you gutted. And if you didn’t have a clue about how a woman’s desire for sex tended to work, well, you’re just clueless. For a lot of bisexual women – or the one’s I knew about – it’s not so much about the physical aspects as it was, and as I was told, the emotional aspects.

A lot of bi and gay gals – and women who used to like being with guys before switching sides – would often make me feel really bad to hear them talk about why they are the way they are and, usually, because men might be good at the physical stuff… but totally sucked in the emotional department. It wasn’t personal and it took me a while to realize that but, yeah, they were speaking a lot of truth from their perspective and applying a lot of weight to something I’d heard a lot:

Only a woman knows what a woman wants and needs. Dicks? They can get any dick at any time and with stupid ease; what they can’t usually get is someone who can make love to their emotions as well as their bodies and, well, duh – women are good at it since, you know, they’re women and they do know a lot of stuff that us guys don’t. And even when we do know this – and try our best to take care of the emotional side of things, eh, we’re still guys.

I grew to have a great appreciation for bisexual women, not because what they do is so damned erotic, but being a bi guy, we have something in common even if the reasons for this level of commonality aren’t always the same. The way some folks look at bisexual women is, often and in my opinion, shameful. Yep… it’s one of the sexiest, most erotic things ever and while anyone can see this in action by dialing up some girl-on-girl porn, if you’ve never seen it first-hand, well, you just have no idea what the real thing looks like and it’s made even more so if, by chance, you have an inkling of what’s really driving their need to be with another woman – and it’s not a bad case of raging hormones.

A sense of safety, comfort and, I think, importantly, emotional succor. One bisexual woman I knew told me that, sure, she likes dick and all that but, no offense, there are just some things a woman needs that a man cannot provide. Also, and without any offense meant, she told me, “You guys need to take a class on how to please a woman’s body – y’all suck at giving us head! Some of y’all are… okay but your problem is y’all are too much in a damned hurry to stick it in us.”

Well, yeah, I knew that but hearing it and in no uncertain terms, well, it doesn’t make you feel good and more so when you’re of a mind that you think you’re kinda/sorta good at it. I know I learned some hard lessons about giving a woman head and some were pretty embarrassing and humbling. I know quite a few guys who learned, the hard way, that their lady liked women because of our ham-handed way of having sex with them; not that all of us are that bad at it… but we’re just not always enough where dealing with their emotional need goes… and a level of need that few men know of or are able to bring to the table with any real sense of consistency.

A guy finding this out would be crushed to know that no matter what he did or tried to do, he just wasn’t enough to satisfy their needs in the way they’d need them satisfied. Some guys would lose their fucking minds to discover this and I think that in my experiences, more guys tend to lose their shit than there are guys who are more level-headed about it. Overheard a couple arguing about this one day and the guy said, “What can a woman do that I can’t?”

I knew the moment those words came out of his mouth, his ass was grass; and she told him… and it hurt me to hear her say what she said – and she wasn’t even talking to me – because I knew what she was saying was pretty much a gospel truth. She went one way, left him standing there so angry that I could imagine steam coming out of every pore of his skin. He saw me standing there and, for what reason I couldn’t begin to figure out, asked me, “Man… did you hear that bullshit? That bitch is crazy – she must be a dyke, right?”

I didn’t want any part of this conversation but since he’s now standing in front of me and waiting, I guess, for me to take his side, I shrugged, prepared myself for some kind of fight, and said, “She right, you know.”

He went kinda ballistic and asked me how I knew and I told him, “My wife is bisexual so, yeah, I know that what your lady said was right.” Then I walked away and left him standing there with a totally dumbfounded look on his face.

There’s the mystique, the “unicorn” label placed upon bisexual women that’s either flattering to some or a reason for bisexual women to be totally and completely pissed off. A lot of men can’t or don’t want to understand this about them; our male-centric view of things just doesn’t seem to allow us to understand this. We think it’s sex… and it is… and it isn’t. We see such a huge disconnect between bisexual men and women – we fail to see the commonality we have with each other as well as we just overlook a lot of other things that makes acceptance a hard thing to reach, even when we stop to consider that bi guy and gals are often bisexual for the same reasons – or close enough for government work.

I learned the hard way – and as a lot of guys have learned – that if you really want to make a bisexual woman happy, just give her what she wants. Sexuality aside, we are… arrogant in our belief that we are all that someone ever needs or will ever need and, in a heterosexual way, throwing more dick/pussy at someone will cure what apparently is ailing them. This way of looking at things makes a lot of bisexuals some pretty miserable creatures and, I think, women more than men.

That landmark day I had so many decades ago taught me some very important shit about women and sex and their need to be with each other if that’s what want and need to do… and it’s not always about them having massive and multiple orgasms: It’s about having their emotional needs handled by someone who knows about those needs a hell of a lot better than your average guy might know. I often use the word “succor” when I write about this and it doesn’t always mean physical relief and while it can be described as comfort, for a lot of bisexual women, getting boned by a guy, while nice and all that, isn’t all the comfort that they need.

I watched a friend of mine get his head handed to him when, during a conversation that included women, he said the threesome word and then dug his grave deeper by saying that all women who went both ways loved having threesomes.

I eased away from the danger zone and, no, I didn’t feel bad for him when those women stripped the skin from his body and dumped bags of salt onto him. Yeah… I could have “saved” him by saying before they jumped in his ass, “Dude, don’t even go there – you’re about to make a terrible mistake!” – but I didn’t because it is a lesson men need to learn about women and especially bisexual women. As those women skinned him alive, I wrote myself another note to never say some shit like that, not even in jest.

The fact is that if a bisexual woman wants to do this, fine… but if she doesn’t – and you’d have to be able to understand why (and you might be surprised at why they don’t) – then just leave it alone. You can think it all you want to – just don’t let it come out of your mouth and don’t say shit about it unless she brings it up – and then don’t expect her to.

I’m not saying that I totally and completely understand bisexual women but I know some stuff about them and I have a great appreciation for them that has nothing to do with sex; I see the commonality I share with them: We both know what it’s like to be with both men and women, what’s good about it and what isn’t. We share a lot of the same reasons for being bisexual, from just “being born this way” to having discovered that while boy/girl sex is all well and good (and, sometimes, not so much), it’s not the only way to go about having our needs taken care of whether those needs are physical, emotional, or both.

I get it… and there are a whole lot of bisexual women who fervently wish there were more guys who were able to get it. But I have an advantage that a lot of guys and even some women don’t have: I’m bisexual so that women are and can be bisexual isn’t surprising and shocking.

And one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned about sex and sexuality… and women.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Stir Crazy and Cabin Fever

Back when sheltering in place was beginning to be a thing, someone on Facebook posted something all the children who’ll be born around December. Funny in a way but probably a stone-cold fact.

The fellas on the forum – and the active ones with or without a FWB – are probably losing their minds right about now if the level of activity on the forum is any indication. A little while ago I wrote something about wondering how many people were going to discover bisexuality and, in particular, those folks who are sharing a home or otherwise find themselves without their “usual” outlet for sex.

It makes me wonder how many folks who aren’t fans of masturbation are trying to have fun with it. There are a lot of guys on the forum who say they’re in sexless relationships and, for the most part, is one reason why they’re bisexual and I wondered how it’s making them feel knowing that despite the insanity going on with the pandemic, their need for sex and intimacy is still very much alive and well… and they’re now cut-off… and sheltering in place with someone who isn’t of a mind to have sex with them.

Since a lot of these guys are on the DL with their M2M activities – and combined with whatever shelter in place restrictions are in effect where they live, it might be driving them “crazy” not to be able to get out of the house and feed their need for cock since, in some places, if you don’t have a legitimate reason for being outside, you could be arrested, fined, or both.

I’m sure police officers are not gonna accept, “I was horny and I needed some dick…” as a legitimate excuse for being out and roaming around, even with masks and gloves. It’s had me wondering if those poor souls trapped in a sexless relationship are having… state of emergency sex, for lack of a better way to put it. I’m also thinking, eh, probably not and now anyone in this situation is finding themselves even more between a rock and a hard place than they were before all of this happened.

A question on the forum was posted asking about how this coronavirus situation is affecting one’s ability to get some dick and, at a high level, the general consensus is that, duh, it’s having a very major impact but not a lot of guys are taking the risk and getting their freak on anyway. Cityman tells me that where he lives, the number of guys checking him out has tripled and he’s a bit amazed at the number of guys there are who are literally within walking distance of his home.

Guys are begging and pleading for some dick and ass – and, perhaps, in lieu of pussy – but I’m guessing that few are of a mind to risk catching the virus or being arrested/fined to get some. “Historically,” women have fared better with celibacy than men, not to say that there aren’t women who are feeling the pressure to be intimate and get laid… and more so if, um, their stock of batteries got overlooked and is now running low; I can imagine that if a woman has a toy chest, well, the contents are getting more of a workout now than before… and there are probably some husbands and boyfriends who are only just now finding out that she has toy chest to begin with.

The Internet is flooded with things people can do while sheltering in place and without having to leave the relative safety of their prison… um, home. I’ve seen some more, ah, salacious stuff that hints that if ya ain’t got anything else to do, have sex and, indeed, Twitter seems to have a lot of people who are sheltering – stuck, really – in place and letting it be known that getting laid would be a fantastic thing for them to do.

Also a bit historically, it seems that in times of crisis, people seem to instinctively have sex… a lot of sex and as evidenced by the baby boom that happened around the time I was born, during and on the heels of the Korean situation, if I remember correctly. But that was obviously different from what’s going on today. It’s probably a safe bet that there are a lot of people who are having a whole lot of sex in lieu of not being able to go about their normal routines… but those folks who can’t – and won’t – get any?

How are they handling this? Masturbation, as an alternative, is normal, natural, healthy and, at the least, can take the edge off, well, up to the moment when it doesn’t. Given that this is something usually done in private, it must get really interesting for those who want to rub two or three out to be able to do so (and especially for those folks who have children who are also stuck in place along with them). I can imagine that there are a lot of women “trapped” in place with a man they have no interest in having sex with and for whatever reason they don’t and feeling some kind of way about that, just as I can imagine there are a lot of men stuck with these women who are looking at them with great hunger… and a lot of trepidation because they already know that if they ask to have sex, their request is going to be denied and even more so when, now, there’s no place to hide and, if one was of a mind to, no way to get the need taken care of.

I can imagine that the stress levels associated with this alone are quite high – and like everyone isn’t stressed enough as it is. I can’t speak for women but I know a lot of guys, when they’re highly stressed, want to have sex; think of releasing the pressure on a pressure cooker… and what tends to happen when you don’t release the pressure and more so with older styles of that very scary kitchen tool. I can imagine women, who are, more or less, pretty chill or indifferent about sex are thinking that, yeah, getting laid would be nice right about now but like men, they’re cut off from being able to go out and make some guy very lucky… or they’re stuck in the house with someone they don’t wanna have sex with or is unable to. Again and, sure, rubbing one out is a good alternative… if the woman in question is of a mind to do it… and some aren’t; they either don’t believe in it or feel it’s a complete waste of time and energy.

Makes me wonder for those women who are with guys suffering from ED if getting eaten sounds like a good idea and more so if they were of a mind that getting eaten does absolutely nothing for them. Makes me wonder how many women who aren’t or weren’t of a mind to give their guy a full and complete blow job – and definitely not gonna give up the booty – are now thinking that it’s a better option than to have what might be a sex-deprived lunatic roaming around the house.

Really makes me wonder if this crisis is going to change a lot of minds about sex – period. For those who have chosen to abstain from sex, it’s probably not a big deal for them and especially for those who have vowed to never has sex again even if Hell freezes over… and now it’s pretty damned chilly in Hell if not completely frozen.

I know it’s not funny but my sense of humor wonders if the “toilet paper shortage” is a lot more serious than people think it is since, um, well, you know, when us guys jerk off, we gotta be able to do that cleanup on aisle one.

And, yeah – I’m the guy who’s wondering about all of this and how people are coping and dealing with this.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Orally Fixated

Yeah… that’s me. I know it – have known in for a very long time – and it doesn’t embarrass me to admit it. I love the shit out of oral sex – men, women, doesn’t matter and while screwing is really nice and all that, it often pales in comparison to being able to put my mouth on someone and, um, have my way with them like that.

One of the many questions on the forum about cock sucking, in particular, is why it’s so addictive; a lot of guys suck cock for the first time and they just can’t get enough of doing it and, conversely, I think some guys haven’t done it yet because they are really and truly afraid that they’re gonna like it…

And get seriously hooked on it.

The fellas ask, “Why do I like/love sucking cock so much?” and I actually know the answer because, um, yeah, I really did bother to find it because I had reason to ask myself the same question. Sure… giving a guy a blow job is very taboo and all that and doing it knowing that it’s taboo often makes doing it that much more exciting, you know, rebelling against the system. But the answer is a lot more involved and, in fact, not sexual at all… and no, I’m not going to get into the science and psychology of oral fixation except to say that we’re all born with it; it’s the second instinctive thing we do after we take our first breath outside of the womb. It’s why many of us were thumb-suckers and the reason why it sometimes takes a lot of effort to break children out of the habit.

Because sucking on something feels really good. Anyway.

I’ve learned a lot about sex over the decades… but nothing more exciting than eating pussy and sucking dick. It is, in my opinion, highly erotic and intimate and, as I would eventually learn, works extremely well where my oral fixation is concerned. Someone will ask me, “Why do you suck dick?” and there are two answers. The first is, “Because I can…” and the second is, “It makes me feel good to do it!” It’s the same answers for why I love eating pussy but, nah, people generally don’t ask a guy why he likes eating pussy because that, in and of itself, isn’t something that’s considered to be unusual even though there are guys who wouldn’t go down on a woman even if you put a gun to their head and were squeezing the trigger to its break point.

I could do it all day, every day, and I’d be so very happy to do it. I learned – and had to break down and admit to myself (which wasn’t easy) that when that particular call of nature says it’s time to get laid, my oral fixation, aka “The Beast” has to be fed as well. In my entire life, I’ve only been with two women who didn’t want to be eaten – ever. Guys? Well, sure and generally, dudes don’t want anyone who isn’t female sucking on their dick – and I only know of one guy who didn’t want to be sucked – ever.

In order to understand this in other guys, I had to understand it about myself and, again, it wasn’t easy to wrap my head around it so until I understood what oral fixation was, damn – I loved doing something and didn’t know why I did; the very curious kid I was would wind up being driven almost batshit crazy trying to figure it out but once I did, wow. I got hooked for life on it because my brain is wired to equate sucking with feeding and feeding – in this case, nursing – is equated with a very good feeling.

Except, um, sucking a dick and/or eating pussy ain’t like sitting down and enjoying a good meal and especially one that will – or could – give you a foodgasm – and I do like this word since, in reality, the two things are more related that we’re aware of or even pay attention to. Still, it was troubling how much I loved doing both things but, again, once I understood what oral fixation was, I was good with it and it got me to understand why there are those who don’t like giving head and that some are like this because they were made to not like doing it and, as such, having their oral fixation broken to the point where giving someone head becomes an obligatory chore and something done out of expectation.

Which just takes the fun out of it. Of course, there are always the horror stories, tales of emotional trauma and all that as well as it being pounded into the heads of many that putting your mouth on someone down there just ain’t ever to be done – it’s just too nasty, immoral and, for some, unholy.

Sure… it’s a lot of work and, depending on who you’re giving head to, a whole lot of work and one of the things I learned other than technique was persistence as well as patience and neither thing was easy to learn. And I learned something else about myself: I’m… selfish when giving head and by that I mean I don’t “just do it” to make the other person happy. Yeah, I want them to be happy but The Beast loves being fed and being able to feast on someone makes it very happy… which usually has the result of making the person its feasting on happy… or not so much sometimes.

There’s been a lot of talk on the forum over the last couple of days about being a “submissive cock sucker” and whether or not one has to be submissive in this. A lot of guys say that they are but I’ve learned – and because my brain is just wired like that – that it’s not always the act itself that is submissive – it’s what and how someone feels about doing it although, to be literal about it, when you’re gonna give head to someone, you’re actually submitting to doing it – but not necessarily being “made” to do it – it’s complicated. Some guys say that sucking dick makes them feel delightfully “girly” which makes a kind of sense since we are – and have pretty much always been – of a mind that this is something that is in a woman’s purview, not that a lot of women are comfortable with this – it’s just the way it has always been perceived.

Indeed, it wasn’t until more “recent” times when a guy sucking another guy’s cock was considered to be quite manly and I’ve tended to agree with this since I know it takes a lot of guts to suck another man’s dick. Guys will go down on a woman and not give it much thought… but dicks? Yeah – gotta think long and hard (no pun) about that one. Yet and still, a lot of guys experience it… and they often say one of two things. One is, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” and the other is, “Why didn’t I do this before now?”

And then, “Why am I hooked on doing it?” Some guys get all into the taste and feel of it and getting the “reward” at the end… but the real culprit is oral fixation. A lot of guys ask, “What’s it like to suck cock?” and, duh, they’d love to know the answer to this without having to do it – and I came up with an experiment one can try:

Wash your hands and stick your thumb in your mouth… and suck on it and, sure, get your tongue involved. For most adults, this will make you feel pretty silly and more so if you were someone who never sucked their thumb. The trick is to not pay attention to what you’re doing to your thumb – pay attention to how it’s making you feel other than silly.

It works for eating pussy, too, I discovered although there is more stuff to lick and all that other than her clit – but the general principle is the same. I even noticed that sometimes, when one hurts a finger – a small cut, whacked it with a hammer, etc., – the first thing some people do is stick it in their mouth and suck on it.

Because it actually feels good despite whatever pain they happen to be feeling. And, yeah – I didn’t make the connection until I caught myself sucking on my finger after hitting it pretty hard on a door frame.

Okay. I had been told in my youth to never put my mouth on a girl’s pussy but not told why I shouldn’t. So, um, yeah – I had to find out… and while I now know there are reasons why you shouldn’t, um, holy shit – that was more fun than sucking a dick – and something else that I was told not to do or let anyone do. Well, um, that last “warning” came all late and wrong but, sure, there are reasons why you shouldn’t suck a guy’s dick.

But if those reasons don’t exist (and you’re sure that they don’t and as best you can establish), going down on someone is, at least for me, sheer unadulterated joy. Many are of a mind that it’s a one-way kind of pleasure and one for the person who’s getting head… but I learned a long time ago that when I’m doing it, oh, my, it is so intensely pleasurable! And while I’d say that I’m not arrogant or egotistical to the point where I believe that I’ve made everyone I’ve gone down on a happy camper I do know how happy it makes me to do it and, um, okay – if I didn’t get it right, gimme a chance to get it right – more fun for me and, hopefully, for you, too.

As I said, it was hard for me to accept that I was, in deed and in fact, a cock sucking, pussy eating fiend. A girl could tell me, “You can eat my pussy but you can’t fuck me!” and I was all for it. A guy would say I could blow him – but he wasn’t gonna blow me – and I was just as good with that because The Beast was gonna be fed and what makes it happy makes me very happy.

I can’t even begin to count the many times in a relationship where I’ve pounced on the pussy out of the clear blue sky, eaten it (and fed The Beast) and that’s all that happened… and because that’s all that was needed to happen. Before experience taught me to be more discriminating, sure – homey wants his dick sucked and I’m cool with him? Sure – pull it out and let’s get it done. If the favor gets returned, even more fun since, um, I’m not one of those guys who don’t seem to like being blown. You don’t even have to get me to cum because I’ve learned to be very appreciative of anyone who’d go down on me… because they could’ve chosen not to at all.

But if I can go down on you? Sheer bliss. Kinda doesn’t get any better than that. My oral fixation is what it is and I’m very okay with it. What’s that you say? It’s gonna take a while for you to cum this way? Okay… I’m just gonna keep going until you do or one of us taps out… and I’m determined that I’m not gonna be the one to tap out. Never got off this way? Well, let’s see what I can do about that! It’s not merely skill – it’s persistence and patience and a focus on finding someone’s good spots to turn what might have been a waste of time into something other than that.

I just don’t like it. I love the shit out of it. Always have, always will. There the eroticism and intimacy involved but I am very aware of how orally fixated I am when it comes to this. The Beast loves to be fed… and I do very much love feeding it. A lot of guys swear by, “It’s better to give than receive…” I don’t say they’re wrong about this but, um, receiving ain’t bad either. There’s a question of whether reciprocation is a real necessity – some say it is, some say it isn’t but I’d guess that depends on how one thinks about being able to fully share the oral experience… or if they even want to.

But that’s a topic for another time…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: I Wonder…

…how many people around the world and being subjected to sheltering in place are either discovering bisexuality or are having their latent thoughts and feeling awakening?

Cityman and I were talking about this last night after he shared that the number of guys checking him out – and propositioning him – seems to have doubled. He allowed that he’s getting more requests from guys to come over right now and do them that what he considers to be normal for where he lives. I like that he’s amazed by this…

But I don’t find it to be all that unusual because I learned a very long time ago that if men find themselves “isolated” and cut off from their usual means of sexual pleasure, many will, invariably, turn to each other due to “extreme horniness” and there isn’t anything else or better to do under the conditions of the imposed isolation and that includes being bored silly.

I’ve been seeing good-natured jokes about the number of babies that will be born in December due to the current pandemic and the shelter in place orders… but the other side of this is how many people are going to turn to bisexuality, even for this situation and, in particular, the many men and women who share a home with someone who is the same sex as they are?

Some folks, well, you just gotta know that there are going to be those who are of a mind that the shelter in place order doesn’t apply to them even though I recently read where the governor of NJ is pretty much promising to arrest and fine anyone who gets caught roaming the streets without a provable and legitimate reason for being out there like needing groceries or a medical emergency and more so when a lot of restaurants are providing limited-contact delivery services and even those who, prior to this, had no delivery service.

And while such action isn’t being enacted everywhere in the US – that I know of – I got a giggle thinking about someone hustling to a booty call and getting pulled over by the cops… and having to explain why they’re not sheltering in place. While it doesn’t appear to be illegal to be out on your own (yet), it did make me wonder what one is going to do when they get a bad case of the hornies but aren’t of a mind to tempt fate and go out just to get laid.

There just might be a great increase of masturbation; maybe those women who are, for some reason, abstaining from sex are feeling some kind of way being on lockdown with a very horny guy walking around or, if that wild animal isn’t present, hmm – what to do about this? And while continuing to do nothing is still an option, hmm, er, um, there are still a great many people who ain’t feeling doing nothing and getting themselves off will, at best, only take the edge off.

I’ve been reading and hearing about all the stuff one can do being stuck at home during all of this but, yeah – I’m the guy who’s wondering how handling sexual needs are going to be handled and, um, causing an increase in the population later this year is just the tip of the iceberg.

Cityman and I thought about how many people who would “never” consider bisexuality as a sexual “option” are now thinking about it. I recall, in days gone by, how a lot of guys would thump their chest and say that they’d have to be very desperate for sex before doing something with another guy; it would have to be a cold day in hell and all that. Well, perhaps for some folks, hell is now freezing over. Back then, it used to amuse me to hear guys preaching that they’d never do it but to also find that it was, in fact, on their list of things to do even if it was at the very bottom of the list.

And I’m wondering how many men and women are now at the bottom of their list. It’s a lot of speculation but, hey – ya gotta do something to keep yourself occupied being stuck in the house.

I remember being stuck in an elevator with a guy for hours before they could get us out of there and this very straight guy proposed that, to pass the time and to keep him from freaking out, that we could, you know, blow each other. I gotta say that for a guy who said he’d never done such a thing before, he was pretty good at it but it’s just one example of the times I know of where you get guys “cut off” from their normal avenues for sex, are stressed out, even bored to death, well, even if nothing actually happens, it’s being thought about.

Even Cityman regaled me with a moment in his past, being in college and with his roommates and there were no women to be had and the three of them were very damned horny. While nothing happened, he admitted that you could feel the sexual tension in the air and while one of the roommates said something about wanting to fuck the other roommates, it wasn’t really the joke it sounded like even though the three of them were “quite straight.”

In such situations, wow – it always seems like a good idea and even if no one was really in a mind to do anything, there was often a lot of discussion about it, you know, if things were like this or that, what would you do and other hypothetical situations… and sometimes situations that, um, conveniently matched the situation of the moment. I’ve often written about how amusing it can be to watch a guy hemming, hawing, and hinting that he’s open to doing something because, if nothing else, he’s at the bottom of his list, he’s very horny, and just hitting the bathroom or hustling off to some other private place to jerk off ain’t gonna cut it.

And even funnier when the guy has been making it clear that he’s straight.

Maybe some folks are at the bottom of their list or thinking that what was once an impossibility now seems like more of a viable option. I don’t really know but I’m the guy who’d think about this. Even so, it becomes a question of whether getting one’s itch scratched in this way is worth the potential risk but it stands to reason that there are lot of people who are living in a same sex situation, sheltering in place, not daring to leave home… and they just might get pretty horny.

What will they do? Don’t know that, either, but I’m having fun thinking about what could happen, you know, as long as no one else ever finds out about it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Schism

As bisexual men, many of us are all too aware of the great divide and angst between ourselves and some women who are greatly offended over the fact that we know a lot of the things they do about men and do them, too. We’re aware that there’s a lot of… resistance where the acceptance of bisexuality is concerned among the masses and the perception is that heterosexuals are the driving force behind this resistance – but that’s only partially true given the number of homosexuals who have reason not to say anything nice about bisexuals.

Even way back in my younger days, the mindset was you were either straight or you were gay and anyone who was neither was confused and in denial or became the butt-end of many jokes and even if the subject of the joke was, in fact, quite straight; sometimes the subject would get all riled up and start professing his straightness and declaring how much pussy he’d conquered; sometimes the subject would laugh right along with everyone else and sometimes the subject would be “suspiciously” quiet but, still, being a bisexual in hiding wasn’t as serious a thing as it is today.

I’d met a gay guy and we got together to have some oral sex with each other and, afterward, he asked me a question I’d never heard before: “Why aren’t you gay?” He didn’t ask me if I was gay and a question I’d been asked many times before and, as such, easy to answer: Nope, not gay – I go both ways. He and I actually had a really nice conversation about his question to me and, after my brain settled down from being surprised at the question, I told him that I’d had enough experience and evidence to prove to myself that just being gay wouldn’t work for me, that and I couldn’t deny how much I loved women and pussy so giving up one for the other didn’t make sense to me.

After that moment, it seemed that I was running into a lot of gay men who’d insist that I stop being in denial about being gay, give up women, and stick with just men. I actually had a gay man tell me that if it weren’t for the fact that I’d had my dick in pussy – and he said it like it was a curse word – that he wouldn’t hesitate to suck my dick. I didn’t know whether to be offended or to laugh at that. Some gay men I’d slept with didn’t give a fuck that I went both ways while others – and, oddly, after the sex was over and done with, would go off the rails because I wouldn’t give up women and their “nasty pussies” and stick with guys only. That one would wind up having me say, “You didn’t say that a little while ago, huh?”

But the question had exposed me to the schism between bi and gay guys and, for the most part, it was pretty vicious. I’d often find myself listening to a gay man tell me that he could do more for me than any woman ever could… and instead of being offended (which I had to learn to not be), I’d come back with, “Okay… but could you have my babies?” – and watch them loose their shit and often in some hilarious ways.

It’s bad enough these days to know that there are women who wouldn’t give you the time of day if it was needed to save your life if they even thought you were bi or, as I saw one woman write, “One of those fucked up down low motherfuckers…” but it’s just as bad that decades after I’d been exposed to gay men pushing their gay agenda on me, that narrowminded viewpoint continues to exist. I mean, I get it; everyone wants someone they can be with as a lover, partner and both and it makes sense that a gay man would want these things from a guy who is just like them… except not all guys who could fit the bill are gay and not of a mind to denounce women in favor of just being with men.

You get very tired of listening and/or reading about picking a side and staying there (which, I found, was a sentiment way older than I am) or being told that you’re in denial about what you really are; it continues to make my eyes roll to see people writing that bisexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation and, of course, by this point in my life, I think I’ve heard every negative thing that can be said about bisexuals and there’s probably some shit I haven’t heard yet because you know how it goes: Once you think you’ve heard it all, you find out that you haven’t.

The real question is why does this schism exist in the first place? It took me quite a bit of time to figure this one out: It’s actually human nature and the way we’ve always behaved: If you’re not like us, you’re against us and you will be dealt with in some kind of way. It speaks to how tribal we really are but given that we are a very social kind of animal, yeah, it makes sense that clashes of us versus them are going to show up and be waged and with both sides being more than willing and able to say all the bad shit they can about the others but not being of a mind to say anything good or nice about them.

When you have a “very gay” guy tell you that your mother should have swallowed instead of allow you to be born, you can get an idea of how nasty it can get in the trenches of this schism… and, yes, he said that and got his ass kicked because you do not – and will not – ever speak about my mother like that.

So the schism exists “simply” because everyone has an agenda in this, are of a mind that they way they are is the best – and sometimes – only way to be and you should be like them and if you aren’t, well, aren’t you all kinds of fucked up in the head? Bisexuals have always been the red-headed stepchild of the sexuality world, well, up until transgender folks appeared but this ain’t about them. And I don’t know about other bisexuals but I’ve seen this schism so much that I do wonder what the fuck is really going on with this; I ask myself why the factions against bisexuality are often only looking at one side of us – the homosexual side – but not the heterosexual side so much and, as such, keeping that “pick a side and stay on it” bullshit alive when it’s clear that a person can choose to be in the middle of things if they’ve decided that this is what works best for them.

Oh, wait; there’s not supposed to be anything between being straight and gay – how silly of me to have momentarily forgotten that.

I’ve heard more homosexuals tell me how confused and in denial I am than I’ve had heterosexuals say this. In fact and in my experiences, I’ve seen more heterosexuals be more “not in my backyard” about it; doesn’t matter to them one bit… just don’t ask them to get naked and have sex with you or anyone you care about. I’ve sat and listened to gay men go off the deep end about how fucked up women are and while being totally gobsmacked that they have so many bad things to say about women when some of them go about their lives trying to be more woman than the real thing and, yeah, some, ah, very gay men have best friends who are women.

In defense of many homosexuals, they’re not all totally against bisexuals and even they think this schism isn’t necessary and a total waste of energy and effort keeping this silliness going. Those open-minded folks understand that we – bisexuals – have much in common with them and just as we do with heterosexuals.

But it’s probably easier to not pay attention to the commonality and focus more on someone being neither straight or gay… but able to exist in both worlds. It continues to amaze the shit out of me that after first hearing that “you’re straight or gay” thing five decades ago that it’s still alive and well today and as if we, on the whole, haven’t learned a damned thing from what homosexuals – who were the original redheaded stepchild – had to endure. They weren’t supposed to exist, either but, duh, clearly they did; otherwise, what was everyone pitching a bitch about?

And we see the same insanity taking place today except bisexuals have replaced homosexuals as the target of ire for so many people. It can’t be real; we’re greedy, in denial – you’ve heard all of this crap – when, at least in my opinion, um, it’s not us who are in denial about anything.

It’s those people who refuse to accept that bisexuality is a real-deal thing and always has been. Why am I not gay? Because I don’t want to be and without offense to anyone, I find it limiting to just be on one side of things. I don’t have anything against anyone who wants to be on one side or the other; that’s just being petty and even childish so to behave in such a way is, I think, beneath me and very unbecoming. If I have something against you, chances are damned good it’s not because you’re straight or gay – you, as a person, just managed to get on my wrong side. I get that there are those who aren’t like me… and I’m good with that. I don’t even push some kind of agenda on anyone but, sure, I’ll say if you want or need to, try it – but if you don’t, it’s no big deal.

I’ll even tell you what’s both good and bad about it and in some situations I’d even try to talk you out of going both ways. Shit… I don’t even “wish” more people were bisexual because I know better than to have such an unrealistic POV. People are gonna be whatever they need to be in these things and the bad part is that the schism is going to keep appearing because there’s always going to be that one person who’s gonna hate on you because you’re not even close to being the way they are and the way they expect you to be.

It’s just human nature, really; one might think that at this point in our evolution, we would have outgrown this kind of behavior – and, clearly, we haven’t. I’ve been aware of this schism for decades and for a lot of decades before bisexuality became the hot-button topic it has become today. In some ways, a lot of people just don’t give a fuck if you’re bisexual and in other ways, yeah – some people do give a fuck and not in a nice way.

One day, maybe we’ll learn to put this stuff behind us…

 

Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Are We Making Sexuality Harder Than It Has to Be?

Of course we are and probably more here in the US than anywhere else in the world and not so much in terms of what’s normal and what isn’t… but in terms of whether or not bisexuality is a real thing, what it’s supposed to look and be like and redefining it in ways to salve individual sensibilities.

We damned well know that bisexuals exist and that bisexuality is real – and just as real as being straight and gay are. We bemoan men having sex with each other and sometimes the jury is out about women having sex with each other but we seem to be… confused over those folks who have sex with both men and women, how that’s supposed to happen and even what its being identified as from “simple bisexuality” to the inclusion of terms like cis-male/female and lumping gender identity into the mix and as if a transgender couldn’t be bisexual.

And you kinda get tired of asking yourself why we continue to make such a big deal out of this and why so many continue to insist that bisexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation. When you look at how long it took for homosexuality to be recognized as a real thing – and what homosexuals had to endure along the way – and including homosexuality being officially listed as a mental illness (until 1974 or so), well, you can see how we’ve been making sexuality harder to get a grip on and to accept than is necessary.

As I keep saying, there are the way things are supposed to be… and then there’s the way things really can be and we, collectively, are beginning to move away from the notion that bisexuality isn’t a real thing which is good… but the bad part is that we continue to muddy the waters over how it’s supposed to be done, when it can be, when it can’t be and other such things that, at least for me, continues to point out a frightening level of immaturity and puerile thinking as we still insist that sex can only – and should only – be engaged and enjoyed in one way only and even then with a lot of conditions attached to it.

For decades, I have been both amused and frightened at how we react to sexuality and how stuck in the mud we are about something we’ve known about. I sit back and observe bisexuals (in particular) go on and on about how hard it is for them to be bisexual when, really, being bisexual isn’t all that difficult… but we make it difficult. I maintain that bisexuality is very different today than it was when I was growing up with it because it lacked a lot of the conditional things that exists today.

More casual than relationship based and I’m really not joking when I say it was as easy as asking, “Hey, do you wanna do it?” and with the only caveat being “I won’t tell if you won’t.” What was being done wasn’t much of a matter but the key issue was, again, do you wanna do it with me even though we’re both boys (or girls)? And over all this time, I have sat back and watched this get more convoluted and difficult than at any other time I can recall.

And, I think, without many people even noticing, bisexuality – as well as homosexuality – tends to follow the heteronormative norms but this doesn’t surprise me so much because if we don’t know anything, we know “how to be straight” in that sense; how sex is supposed to occur, when it does, even what to do and what not to do. Monogamy, exclusivity, no sex on the first date – and the fact that bi guys are more concerned with the cluster fuck that is dating than they are anything else other than health issues and for this scribble, the disease card is going to stay in the deck.

I shake my head over how something that used to be fairly simple has become anything but simple. The Hearts, Not Parts gang has succeeded in injecting a high degree of heteronormativity into things and that it’s improper behavior to have sex with someone simply because they have the parts you wanna have sex with but even they tend to have lost sight of the fact that very few people have sex with someone without taking the person into consideration, i.e., it’s very damned unlikely for someone to have sex with someone they really don’t like for some reason.

I observe what men put themselves through trying to get some dick… and it’s incredible in its complexity and pretty much bypasses a certain simplicity… but we do live in an era where instant gratification is the watchword of the times – I want what I want and in the exact way I want it – and no substitutes allowed and its non-negotiable. Dick not big enough? Rejected. Not Ken-like in your physical presence? Rejected. Not interested in establishing a relationship? Rejected. Color of your skin not “right?” Rejected. Just want to do a “blow and go?” Rejected.

I understand that it’s a reality people are living with now – it’s just that I can easily and clearly recall when it was never like this. As far as that coming out thing went, well, thanks to the hell homosexuals were being subjected to, oh, fuck no – why give someone a stick to beat you with and even literally so? We still tend to give women a pass on this one because, duh, given how inept men are at delivering both emotional and physical succor in the way women tend to need, who’d blame them for getting with each other when dick, alone, just ain’t gonna cut it? But we continue to give lesbians the stink eye because dick ain’t their thing so much.

And any man who has sex with another man is just the worst motherfucker ever born. And the very worst part about all of this is we still want to believe this even when, again and again, the evidence that refutes all of this is pretty much right in our collective faces; we maintain that just because “I” wouldn’t do some shit like that, no one should.

Cityman and I talk about this a lot at times and he’s more of a “new generation” bisexual man than I am – and even he sees how totally convoluted we – collectively – are about sexuality and how difficult we – collectively – continue to make it just to be able to have sex – period.

And I’ll be damned if I will ever fully understand why we keep behaving like this. But I guess if it was really that easy, anyone – and, perhaps, everyone – would be doing it; perhaps there’s no… challenge in keeping it simple and idiot-proof. Maybe it’s just in our nature to make mountains out of molehills. I don’t know… but I continue to be amazed by it but, then again, I have the advantage of not being new to this.

I started writing this on 03 March but set it aside because after writing the last paragraph, I’d lost my train of thought and realized that my train got derailed because I was getting frustrated. Today is 24 March… and it’s taken all this time to get my head right even though, in the intervening 21 days, I continue to see guys making being bisexual difficult. I get that guys want to be safe and it remains true that the worst nightmare for any bisexual is to be in a relationship… and then with someone who is totally straight and someone who might not understand this bisexual thing when, in and of itself, it’s not really that hard to understand.

Someone on the forum asked a question along the lines of do bi bottom guys behave differently when they’re having sex with a woman – and pegging was part of the person’s statement. I thought it was an odd question and, as usual, a lot of guys responded by talking about what they prefer and what they haven’t done. Myself and a couple of other guys did address the question and even I asked, “Why would anyone think it’s so drastically different?”

As men and having sex with women, we know what the deal is, what’s expected of us and those of us who enjoy having our butts played with are of a mind that if – and it’s a big if – a woman is of a mind to give us the finger, insert a vibrator, or even strap one on and fuck us, well, that’s a huge plus… but, by and large and even generally, some women just ain’t gonna do that and more so when they’re not of a mind to have their own butt messed with.

To that end, some bi guys are bottoms because they can be screwed and something women can’t or won’t do for them. Duh, right? But no matter how we like being with men, we know to “set that aside” when we’re having sex with a woman and especially when we know or are otherwise “certain” that if we were to ask her to put a finger or a toy in our butt, we’re gonna have some explaining to do (and depending on the woman in question, of course).

We nitpick the shit out of this and as if we “want” this to be something other than what it really is and, yeah, it mystifies me and it does frustrate me at times because I’ve not gotten any closer to understanding why we make this harder than it has to be and, again, I grew up at and in a time where it wasn’t so complicated or complex. You either wanted to do it or you didn’t. None of the stuff bi guys today are stating as a hard-set necessity just didn’t exist. If two guys ran into each other and decided that having some kind of sex with each other was a good idea, they just did it and if that top/bottom schism was in play, fine, and if a guy wasn’t of a mind to top or bottom, there was always cock sucking – problem solved, the need for sex taken care of.

I won’t tell if you won’t. Yup – two guys could decide that what they did was a lot of fun and they should try to get together again for more of the same; not exactly FWB but more of a matter of convenience and while it could be said that it was a FWB kind of thing, the thought of anything looking like exclusivity in this was not all that desirable and it was, I guess, understood that there were women to be screwed and other guys who’d want to do it so being jealous or otherwise bent out of shape because your go-to guy was laying the pipe elsewhere just didn’t make any sense.

I sit and read stuff every day and from many different sources and, I gotta admit: Sometimes, I wonder what the hell they’re talking about because they’re talking about something that doesn’t even – or no longer – resembles what I’ve experienced as a bisexual. I’m not talking about the sex so much although, yeah – some of today’s bi guys are pretty freaky. It’s the mindset that has me ranting like this and, as I’ve been observing, a real and serious push to make bisexuality “normal” and, again, in the heteronormative way.

Which, I guess, also means that we need to make this as complicated as we can make it. It is what it is now – not hard for me to really understand that – but my very curious mind wants to know why it’s the way it is now; it questions – and, perhaps, futilely – why the dynamic has morphed into what it is today, like behaving like bisexuals but insisting that they’re not and that the word itself doesn’t apply to them.

And I remain the one bi guy who is asking, “What the fuck is going on with this and where the fuck are we going with it?” That more men and women are embracing bisexuality is, in my opinion, a good thing; that more men and women are overly complicating thing just continues to amaze and baffle me.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s not really that difficult. The heteronormative agenda that says any kind of intimacy shouldn’t be done without some sort of commitment isn’t invalid… but it’s still not the only way to go about being bi because, for many, it’s still about the sex and it’s been proven – and frowned upon – that one can have amazing sex without having to commit to more than that. No – one just doesn’t really jump into bed with just anyone but when I look at what guys are setting as conditions in this, wow.

Just wow. I’m seeing bi guys setting conditions that would make a lot of women look as if they have no conditions of their own… and we do know how conditional women are and I even know why. Guys are now harder to engage with than women are and I’ve found myself revising an earlier opinion that men were easier to get next to than women. That used to true… but it no longer is.

Guys who make it really easy to bed them are now the bad guys. I see guys creating and stating preferences that, upon further review, tend to guarantee that they’re never gonna find a guy to be with or they’re gonna be highly pissed when the guy they do manage to get with doesn’t want to be his boyfriend or exclusive lover. And when I ask guys why they’re making this harder than it has to be, whew, either they can’t really answer the question or I get to hear some stuff about it’s what they want and the way they want it and if they can’t get it that way, that’s a problem.

It’s not that guys aren’t aware that by having such stringent preferences and conditions they lessen and decrease their chances to get what they want in this… but many are not of a mind to make it easier for themselves even when, logically, it makes sense to keep it simple… and I really don’t understand why and, yeah, it frustrates me and makes me rant like I’ve lost my mind.

I’m not really stuck in the past and not really all that set in my ways because I do understand how dynamic this all is – it’s subject to change and, boy, is it ever changing! I’m just the guy who needs to know why it’s changing and in the way it is and not just go along with it and without giving any thought about it. While it’s slowly becoming acceptable for people to be bisexual, it seems conditional, i.e., if you do it the way things have always been done, that’s fine but if you keep doing shit the way it used to be done – let’s just have sex and without any strings involved – well, you’re not doing it right. If you make it easy for someone to take you to bed and have sex with you, you’re not doing it right.

And I guess if you’re not making it horribly difficult to do anything, you’re not doing it right either. Maybe it’s just the way we are, that doing things the easy way is… too easy? Doesn’t make it challenging?

Okay, I’m finally done ranting. I see it; I see what’s happening and where this is going. I don’t yet know why it’s going the way it is and, even with my own biases intact, that we’re making this whole bisexual thing very complicated just defies logic as I understand it.

It’s like what Cityman asked one day when we were talking about this: Why can’t two guys just get together even if all they do is blow each other? I said, “Because for some reason, that’s just too easy – it makes too much sense, I guess. When you run into a guy who’s into this and he tells you that he’d go to bed with you if you were taller (or some other thing), well, I’m thinking there’s something wrong here; there’s a disconnect happening that, perhaps, shouldn’t happen – yet it does.”

“You might not agree to do something with a guy who just walks up to you and propositions you but if y’all talk some more about it and it’s deemed doable, well, why not? Except, it’s not that easy, is it? And the thing is that I can’t tell you why it’s not as easy as it appears to be… or it used to be: I just know it isn’t.”

I love poking Cityman by pointing out how he lets his preferences dictate what he does and doesn’t do. I point out to him that if a nice-looking white guy made him an offer he felt okay with, well, he’d turn it down… and in favor of what he prefers – older men who aren’t Caucasian. I poke him – a lot – to get him to explain this and it’s not that I don’t understand what he says about it… but I ask him whether he thinks that his reasoning tends to make him exclude and miss the kind of connections he wants to have, he says that he knows that it does… and he has a hard time stepping away from his preferences as well as being able to explain why he can’t.

And a lot of guys are like that and it serves to pique my curiosity even more because such guys know for a fact that they’re not helping their cause in this but are rarely able to change.

Amazing. Confusing and, yeah, frustrating. We make this harder than it has to be and all up and down the spectrum of sexuality. And I’ll be damned if I know why… but I’m still trying to find out why.

 

Today's Bisexual Thoughts: The Hassle

As early as 1970 or so, part of the “running joke” about switch-hitters – aka, bisexuals – was that they’d fuck anything moving, wearing pants or a dress, and above ambient temperature. Even upon hearing this, this… slight was more about bisexual men than women. As the “joke” spread, I’d started hearing about how greedy we were as well as being confused; they weren’t saying that we were in denial about being gay – yet – but they just assumed that all bisexuals were gay whether we tried to deny it or not. The more I heard the snide remarks and back-handed comments, the clearer it became that these references were, again, more about bi guys than bi gals but the ladies weren’t immune from the prejudice: They were all man-hating “bull dyke” lesbians.

The perception was that switch-hitters were running wild, having sex willy-nilly and, well, from my perspective, that seemed to have some truth to it but we were also well into the sexual revolution at that time and people everywhere was screwing like rabbits, taking the chant, “Make love, not war!” to heart and literally so.

That along with, “If it feels good, do it.” And, um, since it did feel good, it was getting done and sexuality – and even in our limited understanding at the time, didn’t seem to really play into things. Since homosexuals were getting a lot of unwanted attention – and switch-hitters were batting from both sides of the plate, whatever promiscuity gays were being accused of landed on bisexuals with twice the weight and ire.

So the stigma was up and running, causing homosexuals to be subjected to a lot of hate and, as a result, driving bisexuals deep underground and a “process” made easier because even back then, you couldn’t look a someone and tell if they were bisexual, not like you could almost easily and effortlessly identify homosexuals… even if they weren’t flaunting their sexuality for all to see.

Still, if you were bisexual at this time, getting laid – from either side of the plate – wasn’t that difficult and, as a caveat, I’ll say that it depended upon where you lived; where I lived, sure – there was more pussy and dick to be had and more so given the number of very horny teenagers running around in the 1970s (and, yeah, I was one of them). Bisexuals had to tread carefully lest they get outed and tagged as being gay which could result in great ridicule or, sadly, physical harm… and all someone had to do was to have a beef with you, start a rumor that you played for both teams, and now you’d find yourself stuck with a reputation for being a homo, faggot, queer, etc..

By the time HIV arrived on the scene in the late 1970s/early 1980s, homosexual men were being targeted more than ever before, driving bisexuals even deeper underground so as not to keep getting confused with homosexuals but the “switch-hitter” jokes were still in play and I’ll say that, again, from my perspective, they were merely a way to get under someone’s skin and get them riled up more than they were an actual accusation but, sure, a lot of people I knew – including myself – would sometimes have someone roll up on them and say something like, “I hear you go both ways – is that true?”

And even if the person being asked was as straight as a ruler. So the innuendo that bisexuals were running around screwing everyone without a care in the world was really bullshit but, as you probably know, people are more likely to believe the bullshit than they are to believe the truth. Even still – and despite all this drama – if you were bisexual, it wasn’t that much of a hassle to scratch your itches when you needed to and more so when, in a lot of cases, some of the people ranting and raving about playing for both teams were, themselves, playing for both teams as well.

Let’s now skip ahead to the here and now. Probably more bisexuals in the mix than at any other time but where being bi used to be a joke, it’s now a condemnation and, if you’re male, that’s worse than being gay. While some bisexuals gird their loins and come out as being bi, many more witness the backlash and remain “in the closet” and find themselves being driven deeper underground even though there’s probably no one who doesn’t know what being on the down-low means. I’ve seen many instances where there are people who, for some reason I don’t pretend to understand, are so insular in their mindset that to them, bisexual is synonymous with homosexual. Women have been riled up big time against bisexual men and more than I can remember in days gone by thanks to all the bullshit going around about bisexuality, I guess a lot of women just assume that if the guy they’re with (or interested in) is even suspected of being bisexual, well, ain’t he the worst motherfucker ever born?

And even if it isn’t true that homey is bi. At times, you’ll see me write that this behavior isn’t as new as it appears to be because a lot of the things being said about bisexuals – and bisexual men, in particular – are very similar to what I heard said about homosexual men. The double standard where it’s a “crime” for a guy to be bi but not so much for a woman to be bi has grown a lot although, again, bi gals don’t really get that much of a pass being bi because, as “everyone knows,” they’re just faking the funk to get their hands on a man since, you know, all men think that having a bisexual woman is the greatest thing ever.

Even when that sentiment isn’t as true as one might think. I write a lot about what I see where men trying to get some dick goes; I often get… wistful and sigh a lot (and roll my eyes) to see how some guys are behaving in this and how they’re going about things and in ways that makes being bisexual more of a hassle now than at any other time I can recall.

I am really and seriously not kidding or joking when I say that back in the day, all you had to do was ask a guy if he wanted to do it and either he did or he didn’t. Maybe a little backlash but not really that much if you guessed wrong about the guy (or he guessed wrongly about you). Comparatively speaking, it really was easier to get the dick you wanted than it is today and while the increased and ongoing angst is responsible for a lot of the lack of easiness, the reason why getting some dick is so terribly difficult stems from how difficult guys are making it.

Bi women have a different kind of problem. I don’t think they purposely make it hard on themselves to get a woman but, as mentioned, they have their own stigma to deal with and there are a lot of men who just do not think having a bisexual girlfriend/wife is an ideal situation and, as a result, you either have a whole lot of very depressed women walking around or, yeah, they’re getting some on the side anyway. Part of the stigma bi women have always had to deal with is the dreaded threesome and something that not all women are interested in even if they aren’t bisexual. A lot of bi women are just not of a mind to reveal their sexuality because it’s almost a given that someone is gonna mention a threesome and they can get so pissy about it that you can’t even joke with them about it.

There are a lot of women who want to be able to express their bisexuality but old school thinking about relationships and the dreaded threesome thing keeps them stuck in place and miserably so. Even worse for some ladies, they can be a with a guy who is okay with his gal being bi… as long as he can get in on the action or, much, much worse, wants to control everything she does in this and that includes picking the woman he thinks is the right one for her and dictating what they can do, when they can do it, stuff like that.

I sit back and observe all of this and ask myself, “What the hell is going on?” and mostly because, again, I can clearly remember a time when the hassle wasn’t this bad. I talk a lot about how the dynamic has changed and some of the changes haven’t been what I’d call good ones. Yes – more men and women are checking out this bisexual thing and embracing it despite the ongoing bullshit being flung all over the place.

It’s just much harder for a bisexual to be bisexual even though the social angst is slowly but surely losing steam and power; I find it quite curious to see that a lot of the angst against bisexuals and bisexuality isn’t coming from heterosexuals even though it’s being said that straight folks are the main ones up in arms about this bisexual thing… and it’s not them making the most noise about it.

There’s a certain… logic that can be applied here and, for the most part, it’s rather simple (nah, not really but bear with me on this). One can set their intelligence to the task of stating the case of why being bisexual can make sense and more so when no matter what a lot of people think, not all bisexuals have the sex that’s possible; some are quite happy just being aware of their feelings in this, thank you very much.

Or, as Cityman loves to say, “If you can do it, why not?” The reality says that if you want to, you can, and even if your reason for doing so only makes sense to you… but a lot of people who might want to won’t… because it’s such a hassle. Between this refocused angst to an incredibly stubborn mindset that’s still present in society, one can easily make the case for themselves to check out bisexuality but it’s at this point where the logic tends to fail and no matter how impeccable it is. Oh, you can, you know, if you want to, jump on the bandwagon… if you don’t give a flying fuck about the backlash that’s most certainly going to come your way and backlash that I’ve found is more based in emotion than in actual intellectually derived fact.

The hassle is impressively oppressive and that’s not a good thing. Each and every day, I get to watch guys writing about how terribly difficult it is for them to do something about their sexuality but not understanding that a lot of their difficulties is of their own doing, that and more people today are very worried about what someone is going to say about them than, again, any other time I can remember. I see men being pickier and funnier about getting with guys and to the extent that it’s starting to make being able to get with a woman look downright easy – and we all know that it was never easy to begin with. It is disheartening to see so many women being cowed and forced to suppress their thoughts and feelings in this and all because of what someone else thinks and/or says about it.

And I’m not really sure what the true root cause of this is. The hassle is really and truly the motherfucker to end all motherfuckers; I see people going out of their way to make this harder than it has to be; I see guys whining and complaining about not being able to find someone they can explore the possibilities with… while doing absolutely nothing toward getting what they want. They set the bar really high; if you’re not exactly and precisely what they want and in every aspect, you’re dismissed and deemed unacceptable. The many apps available, sure, they’re a cluster fuck into themselves but if they don’t do anything, they let other guys know that there’s a lot more dick available where they live than they want to believe.

A guy on the forum was talking about being unable to find a friend he can do something with and it made me ask, “What are you doing to make that happen?” And, amazingly, a lot of guys are, again, doing absolutely nothing. They don’t want to use an app, don’t want to get out and socialize anywhere there might be other bisexuals; they express an ongoing frustration about not being able to tell whether a guy is bi or not… and it remains true, at least in my experiences, that you just cannot look a guy and tell that he’s bi or even has his own thoughts about being bi.

I’ve seen guys setting criteria and preferences that I find… incredible and, in some cases, highly unrealistic; it’s like they’re doing everything they can think of not to do what they say they very much want to do. I see guys who actually believe that if you hook up with some random guy, you’re going to get very badly infected with something and as a matter of course while believing that having what amounts to a boyfriend is totally safer.

And it makes me rhetorically ask, “What the fuck?” See, I grew up in a time where the last thing a bi guy wanted to do was be in a relationship with another man; hook up and do each other and as much as can be done? Sure! If the sex was that good, why not get more of it… as long as it was still in the NSA mode. As an aside, a lot of gay men just flat out didn’t like us because of the lack of interest in being a boyfriend – where do you think that shit about bisexuals not being able to commit came from?

If you had a friend and y’all discovered that, hmm, we could have sex with each other – think bro-job at the very least – all well and good and more so when the two of you hanging out a lot wouldn’t draw a lot of suspicion.

Today? Wow. Guys are more relationship-minded and while there’s some sense to this, what it really does it make the hassle more of a hassle, you know, given the number of very willing men and dicks that are obviously out there.

I’m thinking that any time a guy turns me down because I don’t have a nine-plus inch dick, there’s something not quite right going on. If a guy turns me down because I merely trim my pubic hair – but not use a razor on my junk – yeah, something’s wrong here. When I see a bunch of guys bemoaning casual sex like it’s the most evil thing ever, my god, what is going on here? Why is this being made into more of a hassle than anything else?

And when I see guys bitching and moaning about not being able to find a guy to throw it down with – and they’re not doing anything to help their cause – yeah, there’s something really wrong going on… and I can’t seem to point to any one thing that explains this behavior. True enough – a lot of bisexuals, both male and female, are thumbing their noses at the social angst and doing what they gotta do to get what they want and need and if anyone ain’t liking it, well, it sucks to be them.

Many are embracing bisexuality because they understand that, ultimately, the responsibility for their satisfaction is theirs and theirs alone and relying on one person to take care of every need they may have in this is unrealistic and the very old way of doing things which many people are also seeing how archaic this school of thought is and it truly isn’t keeping up with how people have changed over all this time.

That and it remains true that if you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna do it and by any means necessary… but so many are running into problems when it comes to doing it and many of those problems are of their own creation, again, making it harder for themselves than it has to be – or even should be.

And not doing much about making things happen for themselves. Avoiding Mr. Right Now like the plague while waiting for a Mr. Right to fall out of the sky and onto their dicks or in their mouth or butt while making the criteria for Mr. Right damned near impossible to reach or meet. Once upon a time, there were two ways you could get the dick you wanted: Go looking for it or just be somewhere you could be found.

Can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve been somewhere and minding my own business and have guys hit on me… and I wasn’t even looking to get hit on or even feeling a need to partake of some cock.

The hassle, as it exists right now, is very real – I just don’t quite understand why it’s such a hassle. We are, in fact, more knowledgeable about same-sex stuff because, after all, we’ve had all this time to watch homosexuals fighting for their right to be homosexual. We know – and have always known – that there are bisexuals even though the recent insanity gives one the impression that such a thing is impossible. Much of society is pretty NIMBY about it; what you do is your business as long as you don’t involve me or mine.

Yet, this continues to be a very major hassle. I dunno… maybe it’s just in our nature to make things more difficult than they should be and because bisexuality is becoming more visible, the hassle is much more visible… but I’m of a mind that the social angst isn’t totally and completely responsible for how… intense the hassle is these days. Again, many are ignoring the angst and seeing it for the childish behavior it really is. Many aren’t giving the morality of this behavior much in the way of weight because at the very least, it’s just being able to have sex and, not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your fucking business who I’m having sex with and how I’m doing it.

Many people in relationships are seeing the sense in allowing themselves to explore the possibilities and more so when sex isn’t the only benefit that can be experienced. A lot of poly folks have bisexuals in their groups because, hmm, why not? Their sexual preference is more like gravy than it is a problem since, again, they bring other things to the table other than their libido and sexual duality. So, in many ways, the hassle is being dealt with and in some positive ways…

But it’s still a bitch and a motherfucker for a lot of people to find themselves caught up in the hassle… and more so when chances are they’re the reason why being bisexual is such a hassle in the first place.