Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Power of Negativity

After today’s visit to the forum, I once again saw what I think of as a recurring theme among some of the membership, namely, all the guys who spend more time being focused on why they can’t take the plunge but not so much time thinking of how to go about doing it.  I see men who are chomping at the bit and ready to go for it, yet, they seem to spend a lot of time talking themselves out of doing something.  Now, the married guys?  Yeah, they’ve got a damned good reason for remaining on the bench but the guys who are unattached?  They all voice a similar thing, i.e., they wanna (add something here) – but – and the reasons behind the but are eerily similar, from being afraid of catching something to being scared to death about stumbling into a relationship they don’t want to be involved in and the usual thing of not being able to find a guy they wanna do something with… but that’s because they don’t wanna go about trying to find that guy.

If you can convince yourself that something isn’t doable, chances are you’re not gonna be able to do it and while it is a very positive thing to see so many men willing to give voice to their desires for cock, the moldy blanket of negativity pervades the site because of the number of men who constantly and consistently talk about why they can’t do what they so very much want to do.  Don’t get me wrong; I understand this and I’m not saying that their concerns are unwarranted but, um, if they’re still wondering why they haven’t had that first experience or haven’t been able to have an experience for what is to them a very long time, it’s because they’re holding themselves back and citing “problems” and situations that are, in fact, resolvable… if they could just stop talking themselves out of it.

Yes, it’s normal and actually makes sense to take a moment or two and think, “I want to suck a dick!” and then start thinking about all the shit that could go wrong but at what point should one’s thoughts gravitate to how they can get this done?  Some want things to be picture perfect before they go for the gusto and, at least in my opinion, that’s unrealistic and more so when some of these guys admit that when they want pussy, eh, they’re not really thinking about what could possibly go wrong doing that.  Some guys have managed to convince themselves that they will never find out what it’s like to get all sweaty and funky with another guy… and they’re the guys who don’t seem to really be trying to do that and keep talking themselves out of doing it.

The pitfalls do exist and as anyone who has ever had sex before should know, sometimes, shit just ain’t gonna happen the way you want or expect it to.  Yes, those pitfalls do have to be acknowledged but if there are ways to avoid them, um, why not work on the ways to avoid them instead of assuming that you’re gonna fall into one as a matter of course?  For some guys, this is a matter of them intelligently understanding what the deal is but their emotional negativity is overpowering and overriding their intelligence; the ones who are free to act as they want to keep coming up with things that guarantees that they’ll never get off the bench and remain stuck in a place that, by their own admissions, they do not want to be stuck in.

Sheesh… if you still think that women are funny about having sex, it’s because you haven’t been around some bisexual dudes.  These guys say, “I want to suck a big dick so bad I can taste it!” but then say that they’re not fond of casual sex then tack on the need for a relationship before they suck that dick or slow their roll by not wanting a relationship.  They want a sure thing in an environment where there’s no such animal as a sure thing and by making the need to have sex overly conditional, they’re just heaping more negativity onto themselves.  See, there’s being careful… and then there’s going out of one’s way to ensure that the sex they so desperately crave will never happen.  The more experience members will tell these guys – and rightfully so – that there comes a time when you just gotta get out there and do it in order to find out if you’ve done the right thing… or you haven’t.  Even I’ve told them that sometimes you just gotta trust your gut instinct when it tells you that doing it with this guy would be fine and dandy but, I guess these guys would rather exhibit the very negative thing of not trusting themselves.

Once, I read where some guy talked at great length about how badly he wanted to suck another man’s dick… and turned right around and said he was sure he wouldn’t really like it and because he seemed to believe this, he hasn’t sucked a dick yet.  So many members responded and asked him how he knew he wouldn’t really like it if he never tries to do it that I felt no need to echo the sentiment and, at least to me, the guy coming back and saying that he knows for a fact that he’s not gonna like it tells me that he convinced himself that he wouldn’t like it… despite the near overwhelming urge to do it.

You can sit, read, and watch these men invoking the power of negativity and literally talk themselves out of doing something and, again, invoking concerns that, if ya thought about it carefully enough, stand a very good chance of never appearing.  You can see conditions being put into place that, on the surface, seem reasonable and common sense but upon closer examination, they’re barriers to doing what they want to do or, as noted, they’ve made sure that whatever sex they want to have will never happen because there won’t be a guy anywhere on the planet who could meet those conditions precisely and with zero margin of error.

And I ask myself, “What’s the point in wanting to do something if all you’re really gonna do is be negative about it?  Why go out of your way to make this harder than it has to be?”

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It a Phase?

Today on the bi guys forum, I read some stuff where a lot of guys were questioning their interest in dick by wondering if this was some kind of phase they were going through.  It’s not that I haven’t heard this before but what I wondered – and I’m not sure if I’ve ever thought about this before today – is why is something like this called a phase?  In one sense, it’s almost like it’s generally accepted that, at some point, a person is going to enter into this phase, spend x-amount of time in it, then move on, leaving the phase in their rear view mirror.  If they do, well, whatever they did during this phase is excusable; if they bypass the phase, well, good for them… but if a person enters into this phase but never exits, it’s assumed there’s some kind of problem at hand and, I dunno, it’s as if a phase is somehow expected to last for an undetermined short period of time but only happens at a certain time.

It’s also generally accept that if a person is gonna go through a phase, it occurs before they’re legal adults – you know, kids behaving like kids and all that.  But if a forty-year-old heterosexual finds themselves interested in things bisexual, is that really “going through a phase” and more so if this interest never manifested itself before?  It’s not unusual for someone to “suddenly” find themselves interested in same-sex things nor is it unusual for this to surprise them and they ask, “Where the hell did that come from?”

A phase could be seen as an adjustment period, you know, like the child who’s interested in something one day then interested in something totally different a week later so this could just be a matter of “sorting” through things to find out what they will eventually settle down and do with their lives once they reach adulthood.  And, yes, sexual experimentation is one of those accepted phases albeit one most parents would rather they not go through before they’re old enough to understand the consequences of their actions.  Is it called a phase because adults aren’t expected to engage in sexual experimentation… even though it’s been known to happen?  I mean, it’s not really all that unusual if an adult gets it into their head that they wanna try something they’ve never done before and for no other reason than to find out if it’s as much fun doing it as they’ve been thinking – but it’s also not all that unusual for an adult to say, “This is how I like to have sex and deviating from this serves me no good purpose.”

I dunno… maybe this thing in particular gets called a phase because “experienced” adults shouldn’t have a reason to ever change their minds about what crumbles their cookies?  On the surface, sheesh, it almost doesn’t make sense to associate this with a behavior known to take place in much younger people… does it?  Does this imply that our hypothetical forty-year-old should have gone through this phase earlier in life and now it’s finally catching up with them?  Now, I recall reading something at some point where researchers say that this actually crosses people’s minds more than they’re aware of and, usually, when it does, most people don’t even pay much attention to it and if this is true – and they seem to think that it is – it’s probably not without reason that this could pop into their head… and it sticks and now they’re really paying attention to it.  Oh, I know what some of you might be thinking – you’re thinking that you’ve never thought about this and don’t want to but, um, those same researchers say that if you say that you’d never do something like that, you actually did think about it even if only to denounce the thought.

Weird, huh?

This is of interest because I see a lot of guys asking about why they wanna play with a dick but not understanding why they do; by comparison, a lot of guys do know why they wanna roll like this and can point to a specific event in their lives that corroborates their desire.  If a guy really takes the time to think this through, they usually will find what took place in their lives that made the thought of playing with a dick get stuck in their active thinking… but is it really a phase?  Or is this just a facet of human behavior we’d rather not pay much attention to because this behavior violates The Rules?  Yeah, I was just thinking that there was a time I would say that a guy doesn’t wake up one morning and say to himself, “It’s a good day to have sex with another guy!” but now I’m not so sure about that because you just don’t know what’s running around in the “dark” places of a person’s mind (aka the subconscious) that could be saying, “You know, you need to check this out… and here’s what I have in mind!”  Guys have said that they’ve been quite happy with their sexual lives with women but, out of the blue, they have this hankering to do something with a dick and, apparently, without a reason that makes sense… but it kinda makes sense that if this popped into their head and got stuck, there must be a reason just like there must be a reason why this is suddenly a very compelling thing to investigate… and if there is one, it’ll take someone way smarter and qualified than I am to expose what’s really going on and if that’s even possible given how much we don’t know about what our brains are doing or why.

Like another thing mentioned along with phases:  How does a guy who has never had sex with another guy know that he’s a bottom?  Would this also be considered as a part of that phase… or is he merely projecting unrealized desires… and as a result of going through a phase?  Yeah, this is starting to make me a little cray-cray as well…  Or is this really just human nature asserting itself and when we never expect it to?  A lot of our behavior is learned… but a lot of it is has also been “hard-coded” into us due to evolutionary process – it’s called genetic memory and that shit gets really and seriously deep.

Okay, I’ve given us all enough of a headache for one day but like a lot of stuff, this got into my head and I wanted to write something about it before it vanished…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Eyes Wide Open

Sometimes, I make my daily trip to the bi guy forum and I just read and observe what the membership is saying without commenting and I see patterns that, at least to me, are familiar but also rather consistent.  There’s tone or a vibe to what the membership writes about and sometimes it shifts from curiosity to expressions of utter frustration and confusion.

Here the membership speaks to their deepest desires as well as their deepest fears and I sit and read about these things; some I find amusing – and because guys are funny – while some I find disturbing because I can feel the pain of their frustration and confusion.  I see guys talk about finding themselves on a path they never imagined that they’d walk upon; I see guys who are returning to the path after quite a journey on the well-worn path of “doing things the right way” and for some of those guys, they seem surprised to find that they didn’t really grow out of what they perceive as an experimental phase.

I see what frightens them; I see what they dream and/or fantasize about; I see what thrills those who have taken the plunge and continue to dive in albeit with a sense of hesitancy.  I see a lot of monogamous thinking in play as many men, experienced and not so much, seek that one guy they can relate to but not really wanting to get themselves out there to “interview” guys to find The One Guy to satisfy their deepest desires in this. I see men who are, at least in my opinion, making this harder than it really is because despite what’s said about guys who love to have sex, many do not want to be seen as a slut or whore even though there are some who do, in fact, want to let their inner slut loose and in some pretty interesting ways.

I see a lot of what I’ll call “stereotypical behavior” going on like desiring men with huge cocks, rock hard abs, and stunningly handsome because it’s what they see when they watch porn and, interestingly, I see them sticking to their guns in this even though many of them have never touched a dick other than their own and, yes, I see that those who watch gay porn seem to believe that what they see on their screens is the way things really happen and, I know it’s just me but I find that rather disturbing.  I see some guys who want to have that first experience do other things while waiting to have it, like using butt plugs and dildos to getting pegged by the woman in their lives and, yeah, sometimes, it’s pretty funny to watch guys critiquing dildos and prostate stimulators in a similar manner that I’ve seen women talk about their toys.

Yes, the membership talks about other things, like cars, favorite movies/books and even playing video games… but they also talk about the best underwear to wear, have discussions about jock straps versus thongs, and the best way to remove unwanted body hair… or whether it really needs to be removed.  If you think some women tend to be cock size queens, shit, you’ve never heard a bunch of bi guys talk about it!  I see the lines of division drawn between the tops and the bottoms and as I note there seems to be more bottoms than tops among the membership, which is kinda strange since there are some tops who complain about not being able to find a bottom wherever they are in the world because, yes, male bisexuality isn’t just a local issue – it’s a global one and I find it interesting to see how men from other countries see the flow of things where they live.

Oddly, the guys from the UK seem to be much more wide open about doing this that we are here in the US.  Men from countries in which bisexuality is outlawed are there as well, belying the perception that there are no bisexual men in those countries when, in fact, there are more than anyone really knows about and that they stick to their guns about their sexuality despite the fact that if they’re discovered, they could be put to death and this speaks very well about them in my eyes.

Going onto the site with my eyes wide open is quite the educational experience; it’s refreshing to see bi guys trying to help each other understand this thing we all have in common.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Why, why, why?”

I just came from the bi guys forum where the big topic today seems to be why bisexual men are shunned and, as expected, everyone has an opinion about it and many opinions are just rehashing shit that’s being said about bisexuality and, if only in my opinion, the membership is over-thinking the whole matter.  If one understands why homosexuality in any form is shunned, it doesn’t take much to see why bisexuality is being shunned today and more than homosexuality is. We all know what the rules are regarding love, sex, and relationships.  In the beginning, homosexuality took those rules and flushed them and we know about the battle homosexuals have fought and died for in order to be seen and treated as everyone else is.  Ah, but now, there are more and more bisexuals making their presence known and felt and, no, bisexuals didn’t just appear out of nowhere – we’ve always been around albeit in the background.

But our “emergence” takes the one-on-one rules and just obliterates them because as far as the bisexual fellas are concerned, we have the fucking nerve to not only engage in sexual congress with women but we also act just like the once-hated homosexual men, too!  I’ve been around long enough to see how the angst has been transferred from homosexual men to bisexual men but it remains true that bisexual women, well, okay, that’s quite acceptable but lesbian women tend to disagree – but that’s to be expected because bisexual women face the same kind of angst with lesbians that bisexual men face with gay men and because we take the generally accepted one-on-one rule and toss it out the nearest window.

I’ve been around long enough to have taken notice that the things being said about biphobia are eerily similar to what was once said in reference to homophobia; they’ve just been redirected toward bisexuals.  And if no one else has, I’ve noticed that it’s quite interesting that homosexuals are, in fact, holding to traditional heterosexual standards… and standards that bisexuality, by its very nature, just rips to shreds; there’s a reason why bisexuals are demanded to pick a side and stay there, right?  I’ve also noticed that the people who are making this demand aren’t heterosexuals, who kinda tend to take the stance that as long as you’re not hitting on them for sex, they don’t care what you do… but homosexuals give us shit about this because our existence pretty much takes that which they believe and invalidates it because, like almost everyone believes, people are supposed to be monosexual only.

Yeah, right… sure they are.  What it boils down to is whether or not an individual is going to believe the hype and bullshit… or accept the reality that bisexuals have always been around despite the constant push to keep things like sex the way it’s been prescribed and mandated which, today, is boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl… but as sure as hell not “all of the above.”  The membership kept pointing to what bisexual men do as the source of the lack of acceptance but it’s not what we do that’s being objected to – again, it’s the fact that we have the unmitigated gall to want to be with men and women, thumbing our metaphorical noses at the one-on-one rule.  They insist that this cannot be… except it’s always been like this because bisexuality isn’t a modern kind of thing – it’s just that bisexuals are being more noticed today than at any other time.

And some folks just don’t like knowing that the things they believe in aren’t entirely the truth of how shit has been really happening all along.  Like you’ve seen me write, there’s the way things are supposed to be… and then there’s the way things really are and the truth is that some cannot accept is that bisexuality is real and just as real as being straight or gay.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Dudes…

During my visit to the bi guy forum, there was a bit of a combined topic being discussed.  The first part had to do with whether the size of a bottom’s cock makes a difference and while I see no real relevance here, I wasn’t surprised to see guys saying that it did make a difference to them.  One guy who’s a top admitted that being with a bottom with a big dick does make sucking the bottom… interesting which is to be expected, truth be told.  I asked that if you weren’t gonna suck the bottom’s cock – and some bottoms just do not ever want to be sucked – um, why should the size of his dick matter?  A few guys admitted that seeing the bottom on his knees with his ass up and seeing a “large” cock dangling between his legs is quite the visual turn on for them and I guess that makes sense, in a weird kinda way.

Now, I allowed, in my comment, that there was a time – back in the day – that top/bottom was determined by cock size, i.e., the guy with the smaller cock was the bottom and, thus, in the female-submissive sexual role… but given what can be seen on the Internet via professional and amateur “gay” porn, um, I’ve seen guys getting topped who had monstrous cocks dangling and much bigger than the dude doing the topping so what used to be a “given” no longer seems to be the case.

But wait… this gets better!

The conversation made an unexpected turn, going from the size of a bottom’s dick to whether or not the lack of an erection by said bottom was an indication of a lack of arousal and/or interest and it did not surprise me one bit to see some guys comment that as far as they were concerned, if the other guy wasn’t fully erect, that meant he wasn’t aroused or interested and they’d take such a thing as a personal insult to them… and just like some women do.  I felt my eyes rolling because the comments about this indicated to me that dudes don’t know as much about how their body works as they think they do.  This is what I said to them:

“On the lack of arousal/interest thing, there are a lot of things that either make a guy lose his erection or not have one at certain times and, really, if he wasn’t interested in having sex, would he really be there? Some guys get overstimulated even before anything really gets going and maintaining an erection while physically or emotionally overstimulated is damn near impossible; sometimes, a guy can be so busy sucking cock and focusing on doing a good job of it that if he started out being hard, well, now he isn’t. I’m always down to suck dick and, no, I’m not always hard when I do it and I can assure you that I’m very much aroused and interested and if I have your cock in my mouth, um, that’s gonna be pretty damned obvious. As someone mentioned, not everyone can maintain an erection with a dick stuffed up their butt – doesn’t indicate a lack of interest.

Some guys get themselves so wound up about what’s about to happen that they couldn’t get hard even if they took Viagra; I’ve sucked many a dick that either didn’t rise to full mast or fell limp and because the guy was just too wired to relax and it doesn’t make the situation any better when they know they should be super-duper hard and they aren’t; they’re still very much interested but whatever’s going on in their head is neutralizing the process that produces and maintains erections. If you really want to know if he’s aroused and/or interested, don’t just look at his dick: Look at all of him, from his eyes to his nipples to even noticing if he has goosebumps even though it’s not cold or overly chilly. Watch him breathing; is he taking really deep breaths or a lot of fast, little ones? A guy on the verge of hyperventilating isn’t going to get or stay hard because his body will shift priorities from sexual arousal to getting enough oxygen into his blood so he won’t pass out. Are his pupils really dilated? Does he feel like he’s running a temperature when you touch him? Does he feel kinda cold and clammy? That’s an indication of extreme nervousness and there’s no way he’s getting an erection until he can stop being nervous.

Some guys jerk off before an encounter and then become a victim of refraction; in their minds, they’re ready to get it on and bust a second nut… but their body ain’t trying to hear any of that yet because it’s still in a recovery mode from masturbating. You jerk off and you expend the chemical cocktail that lends itself to arousal and erection; sometimes a guy can recover in a little as five minutes or it might take him hours to replace those expended chemicals but until he does, nope, he’s not gonna get hard no matter how interested he is. As the old saying goes, the mind is always willing but the flesh can be quite weak.

And then there’s this: A guy can start out very interested and eager to get it on… then change his mind about it and you might not be the reason he’s changed his mind but because he has, nope, no wood. And, seriously, if you don’t know why he’s not hard, um, ask him if he’s okay… because he might not be. I even have been with guys who have been quite hard and aroused and they’re telling me that they really don’t want to do this but their body has betrayed their thoughts, which is just a reminder that the mind isn’t always in control of things even when you think it is.” 

It makes me wonder if some guys are even aware of this and if they are, uh, why don’t they ever take this into consideration before automatically assuming the worst-case situation?  When I mentor guys, this is one of the things I talk to them about:  Understanding male anatomy and how it all works or, simply, do you know what’s going on when you get aroused and your dick gets hard… and what can make you not get hard even when you want and need to be?  Yes, it’s quite possible that you could be the reason why he doesn’t seem interested or aroused; everyone gives off a vibe and it’s not always a positive effect on everyone. Sex can heighten our senses and make it possible to pick up a bad feel from someone and one so strong that any interest gets squashed and when interest goes by the wayside, so will an erection.

Like so many things about sex, there’s the way you think things should happen and then there’s the way things really happen and, uh-huh, sometimes they happen when you’d prefer them not to happen… but if you don’t understand why this happens, you wind up making assumptions that may not have any basis in fact, oh, like assuming that just because homie’s dick isn’t hard enough to break up diamonds into dust, well, he must not be interested in having sex with you which, really, is a silly thing to assume given that one of the things guys have to deal with is our dicks getting hard and for no apparent reason – but almost always in situations where you’d not want others to notice you’re packing wood – it’s the same thing with a woman’s nipples; they seem to have a mind of their own as well and is not an indication that she’s aroused/interested in sex.

And like I said to the forum’s membership, if you really wanna know why his dick isn’t hard, ask him; maybe he can tell you, maybe he can’t and it’s quite possible he can’t tell you because he doesn’t know.  He could be nervous, overstimulated, undergoing a period of refraction or he’s having second thoughts… or can be too focused or, shit, almost any stray thought not related to sex can deflate a dick pretty damned quick.  Sure, it’s embarrassing as hell to say the least.  I didn’t even get into things like drugs and medications that have a negative effect on getting and maintaining an erection, like blood pressure medication and antidepressants, to name a couple; ED can strike at any time and stuff like age, cholesterol levels, low testosterone levels, being in pain, vitamin deficiencies, and even uncontrolled high blood pressure can make getting and maintaining an erection a bit of a bitch and then there’s this:

If you’re the reason why he can’t get and maintain an erection, do you really think he’s gonna tell you that?  I mean, some guys will but that’s more the exception than the rule.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Self-induced Cock Blocking

Been a while since I wrote one of these because, um, I’ve been giving my Xbox One a rather good workout.  Well, that and I haven’t had what I’d call an inspirational thought… until now.  So I’m into my morning routine and drop in to see what the guys on the bi guy forum have been up to and saw where a few guys were writing about their first experience or what was going on with them that it almost happened but the trigger never got squeezed (one never really pulls a trigger unless they wanna miss the target).

That this happens isn’t unusual; as I often say, if you think it’s easy to lie down with someone who’s the same sex as you and get your freak on as you might have imagined, guess again – it’s not that easy for a lot of people which is why I always applaud those, male or female, who do take the plunge.  This scribble is really about what the title says or, to be a bit PC about it, what some bisexual men think about that will ensure that they will never have that first experience and, specifically, by employing a mode of thinking that, for men, might sound a bit strange.

One guy wrote – and as many of these guys do – that he was totally bummed out while on the prowl for a guy he could have sex with and ran face-first into something that, perhaps, they didn’t expect… but should have expected given the animal they want to interact with.  You see, it might sound a bit strange that there are bisexual men who, without insult, want to do things in a way that’s similar to how women want to do them and invoking a bit of dogma:  The only acceptable sex is relationship sex and casual sex – sex for the sake of being able to do it because you can and want to – is to be avoided like the plague.

Not that this is really a bad thing because even in sex, we all want to be valued for more than just the object of another person’s lust.  To the chagrin of many a man looking to dip his toes into the pool that’s he just been looking at, finding a guy who’s gonna value him beyond a means to an end seems to be impossible because, as they troll the various sites and use the growing number of mobile apps, what they find more often than not are other men who only want to know a few “unimportant” things, i.e., “When can we meet so I can have sex with you?”  These guys who aren’t fans of casual sex get offended, dismayed, and even disillusioned because, like so many of us, sex has to have meaning, well, a meaning beyond that which is obvious anyway.  Again, when we decide to get naked with someone, we want to be appreciated, respected and if the person we’re about to have sex with us is willing to have a level of investment in us – read this as they’re gonna give a fuck about us beyond the sex – well, that works, doesn’t it?

In the real world of sex, um, that doesn’t always happen.  In the world of M2M sex, the chances of you running into a guy who wants to be valued as a human being and not just a piece of ass (or swinging dick) aren’t good; while those guys are out there, you’re more likely to run to guys who don’t want to get to know you as the wonderful person you might be – nope, their knowledge level is restricted to things carnal.  Not that such guys are uncaring assholes (but some are) but there are guys who like rolling in the hay with other guys who are scared to death of anything that looks like an invested relationship because, um, that shit is just too gay for them to stomach.

So if a guy is hanging his hopes on finding someone who shares his dislike of casual sex and using this as a valid reason for not getting out there and doing what he insists he needs to do, he’s just cock blocking himself.  What’s that you say?  If that’s what he requires, he has the right to insist on a higher level of interest before he drops his gear?  Yeah, you’re right… but I’m still the guy who has the nerve to point out to you that the real world doesn’t work like that.  Yes, yes, it can happen in that preferred, non-casual way but, once more, if you troll websites and mobile apps looking for a willing guy who’s gonna value you as more than a sexual object, that environment just isn’t all that conducive to the ways of invested sex, not in a sexual world that has been more about instant gratification than embracing the old ways of getting into someone’s underwear, you know, dating, courting, taking the time to really get to know the person you wanna slake your lust upon.

Here’s the thing:  If you’re a guy looking to have sex with another guy for the first time or, perhaps, the first time in a very long time and you are having zero success because of your approach to this, does it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, your approach might need some adjustment in order for you to get that which you so fervently need?  What’s that you say?  He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to?  Again, you’re right but, ah, these days, it’s a guaranteed way to not get what you want.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me because even I don’t like dealing with guys who don’t want to take a few minutes to get to know me even for the sake of ensuring that hooking up will be safe for both of us; those of you who have been following me for a while have seen me write unflattering things about those dudes who introduce themselves by saying, “Let me come over and fuck you right now!”  The difference is that I am fully aware that such guys exist and I even understand why they behave the way they do and – get this – some of that behavior is based on the perception that men don’t want to be bothered with all that lovey-dovey crap they have to go through with women in order to get laid.  The truth is that not all men have this attitude and they want to go through “the bullshit” before offering up their bodies… it’s just a sure way not to get that dick/ass you are craving.

In this, it’s easy to blame the other guy for being so crude and callous in his approach to get with you when, a truth some of us don’t want to know about is that if we’re not getting the M2M sex we’re craving, some of that fault lies with us and our unwillingness to be more flexible in our thinking about this.  Like I told the guy I’m mentoring, there are times when you just have to trust your instinct; there are times when spending hours or days really getting to know someone will greatly conflict with that very bad case of blue balls you’re suffering through so, yeah, there are times when the guy who contacts you gets right to the point of why he’s contacting you – and, duh, the reason you’re using those apps is because you want to be contacted – you don’t exactly throw caution to the wind but you say, shit, I’m horny, he’s two minutes away and, fuck, let’s go for it.  He pointed out – and rightly so – that this is risky; I countered with something I think is obvious:  Trying to bed a woman on the spur of the moment can be just as risky so what’s the problem?  And, really, it’s not a problem unless you don’t employ some common sense and engage safe sex practices… and you don’t know how to defend yourself in case things get hinky.

It’s one thing for a guy to decide that he doesn’t want to have this kind of sex; it’s another thing to always complain about not being able to have this kind of sex when you’re unwilling to adjust your thinking so that having this sex becomes possible or, if you stop cock blocking yourself, you could find yourself having all the fun you’ve been hoping to have.  And if you’re not having the M2M fun you want, is it really the fault of the guy who is all about having casual sex?  I’ll leave that for you to decide; when I see guys writing that they don’t understand why they can’t find a guy they can play with, well, I’m the guy who’ll tell you why that’s not happening as expected and how one can wind up being their own worst, cock blocking enemy in this.

A fellow blogger here on WordPress expressed this same concern in a recent blog they wrote (and he knows who he is) and in my comment to his post, I ended it with, “Welcome to 2017.”  Ideally, we want companionship to go along with our sex and we will hold out – and deprive ourselves of sex – until we get exactly what we want in this (or close enough for government work).  It makes us feel good about ourselves when we can have sex with someone who is invested in us but the truth is that investment isn’t always a requirement for some men; as I said, they will avoid the process of investment because of their own fears of emotional attachment; they just want to get their dick hard and have someone make it soft again and move on to the next guy.  It sounds totally and completely fucked up, doesn’t it?

Bisexuality isn’t as much as a wide-open free-for-all that some might think it is; there are still heteronormative things that, ultimately, prevent this from happening such as the angst against casual sex, which we believe to be meaningless sex but really isn’t, not if you really understand sex as a human behavior.  While bisexuality represents an escape from the traditional, sexual box we’ve been placed in, many of us are still bound by dogma, i.e., the conditions under which having sex is preferable, oh, like, having a potential partner being into you so that you won’t feel badly about being labeled a slut or a dog simply because you like having sex and, seemingly, indiscriminately.  Certainly, everyone has things they will and won’t do – that just makes sense; however, the question I ask guys who complain about their inability to have the sex they want is, “Why won’t you adjust your thinking in this?”

Sometimes, I think that it never occurs to them that they are allowed to modify their thinking and/or approach and wind up cock blocking themselves…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Guys Are Funny

Those of you who’ve been reading/following me for a while know that from time to time, I mention how funny guys can be and how, at times, they can put some women to shame with some of the things they fuss about, like what flavor of condom is best for giving head and the pros and cons of anal bleaching.

That bi guys can have some pretty specific preferences seems normal on the surface because, sure, we all have them and regardless to sexuality… but these guys… wow, if the majority of them are wondering why they’ve not found a dick to play with, well, if they bothered to look at their requirements and see the tone of them, that question just might get answered.

Maybe.

There are guys who crave anal sex and they seem to have a collection of toys to rival any woman’s collection but then they wonder why jamming a twelve-inch dildo in their butt doesn’t feel as good as they had hoped or why something seems to be missing when they get pegged or their woman slips them the finger… but they are quite leery about experiencing the real thing in their butt and because, um, it’s probably gonna hurt a lot more.

Some appear to be obsessed… with BBCs – Big Black Cocks, which serves to remind me that if there are women who believe themselves to be size queens, well, ladies, I know of some guys who’d make you seem like you didn’t care how big the dick was when you read about the perfect BBC for them.  While some ladies like them eight-inches or better, these guys start at nine-inches and lose their minds for everything bigger than that; one guy commented that he wasn’t giving it up to any guy who wasn’t Black and not packing at least eleven inches.

But then he wonders why he’s still a virgin when it comes to dick?

One guy wrote something about the perfect man to take his cherry has to wear women’s undergarments – and with lots of lace on the panties.  Someone asked him, facetiously, if a three hundred pound bear of a man wearing a teddy would float his boat… and when he said that it would, wow, my brain almost shut down just trying to imagine that.

Another guy said he wasn’t giving it up to any man who couldn’t appreciate his bra collection and one that, apparently, makes his wife’s collection of bras look rather pitiful, if he’s to be believed.

Some guys have written that having sex with a man doesn’t do much for them… but a she-male (and one with a huge dick) is just what the doctor ordered and they’d never settle for anything less  Another guy said he was dying to suck his first cock… but someone would have to make him do it because he doesn’t think he could bring himself to do it on his own volition.

There are a handful of guys who say that they’d never have sex with a guy who wanted to suck their dick… but some of those same guys think it’s uncool for a guy to not want to suck dick at the very least.

Then there are the guys who don’t want anything that resembles a relationship… but the perfect guy to have their first time with must very much be into him or it’s no deal.  What cracks me up is that these guys don’t want or need a relationship but they have issues with casual sex.

The post about anal bleaching really gave me the giggles and especially the guy who asked, “What’s that?”

And, yeah, some of them bitch, moan, and whine about how funny women are about things sexual… then write shit that makes women appear to always be deadly serious about their choices.