Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Future of Bisexuality

Lots of questions about where this is going and not a whole lot of answers as to whether or not bisexuals are going to have to endure decades of being pariahs and in the same manner that homosexuals were seen as the scum of the earth.  I think that at some point in the future, there will be wholesale acceptance of bisexuality… but the real question is what is it going to take in order for such acceptance to get rolling?

Cityman and I talk about this and during our conversations, we use the word “if” a lot; we try to apply a high-level form of logic against something that’s easily overpowered by emotional responses and reactions and adhering to doctrine that’s designed to herd us like sheep and demands that we all get into the heterosexual box and stay there until the stars fall from the skies.

Humans are just too divisive to make accepting bisexuality an easy thing to do as we continue to exhibit a behavior that’s been with us like forever:  The fear of the other or, if you’re not like us, you’re against us and you’re gonna either be summarily ignored and vilified… or you’re gonna be dealt with and usually in some unpleasant way.

It seems that we spend more time talking about why bisexuality is wrong than we do having conversations about what many bisexuals find right about being bisexual including acknowledging that bisexuals really do exist as a distinct sexuality entity.  We invoke confusing double standards, like the most famous one:  It’s okay for women to step to the side and get some pussy if they want to but not okay for a guy to partake of some cock.  True enough, this isn’t isn’t accepted by everyone but that doesn’t change the fact that this double standard exists and is generally accepted.

We hear from the different “factions” in the sexuality wars that deny that bisexuality is real, spouting all the stereotypical bullshit I heard fifty-plus years ago while growing up, to being quick to slam the disease card on the table like cutting a book with the big joker (a Spades reference for those not familiar with the card game), as well as citing things like bisexuality being responsible for increases in mental illnesses and a key factor in domestic violence and that includes a persistent “call” for all bisexuals to stand up, be identified, and counted…

…all of which gives bisexuals more than enough reason to stay off society’s radar because no one wants to have fingers pointed at them and be subjected to the ages-old prejudice we’ve always displayed where sexuality is concerned.

Personally, I’d not be happy to see the issue on bisexuality turn into a political clusterfuck and similar to how homosexuality’s issues did; politicians should not be the one’s deciding whether someone – anyone – has the human right to handle their sexuality in the way that best works for them and even if that means not being straight.  Whether or not it will turn into such a clusterfuck is unknown.

I often find it… troubling that some celebrity can come out as bisexual and the media is all over it like a bad habit and after the initial uproar and speculation on whether or not said celebrity is really gay, it becomes one of those “no big deal” kind of things or shrugged off as some kind of publicity stunt… but let an “average Joe or Jill” come out and the shit hits the fan big time and one should be wondering why this is.

It often makes me scratch my head and wonder if the people who are speaking out against bisexuality understand that by pitching a bitch and being all doom and gloom about bisexuality, the only purpose they’re really serving is to plunge bisexuality deeper underground, something that’s not necessarily a good thing because, um, if we’re driven into hiding, does that not defeat the purpose of those who, again, insist that we stand up and be counted and identified?  I wonder if they understand that, just like homosexuality, bisexual has not only been around all this time but isn’t going anywhere so, in essence, they’re pitching a bitch about something that they can’t do anything about – they tried to eradicate homosexuality and, well, you see how that worked for them.

Oh, that’s right… it didn’t work.

A lot of bisexuals operate under the premise that it’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission… and why should anyone have to beg forgiveness for doing something that they need to do for their own purposes and sense of well-being?  And always, most bisexuals are aware of the inherent risks that sex, in and of itself, presents… but they’re more afraid of what others will think and say… and the funny part about this is that there are straight folks who are into some sexual shit that makes being bisexual look as insignificant as masturbating.

NIMBY – Not In My Back Yard – is a stance some folks take and what they’re saying is that they don’t have a problem with people wanting to be bisexual… as long as it doesn’t include them or anyone close to them.  Again, the funny part is that those folks who are all NIMBY about this could very well be completely unaware of the bisexual in their midst, which is usually why if they discover a bisexual among them, uh, they’re usually beyond being shocked and/or otherwise unhappy.

Yet, despite all of this, there seems to be more bisexuals “emerging” than before because despite all the grief and angst, people are still deciding – with or without permission – to deal with their sexuality the way they need to deal with it… which includes not having the sex bisexuals have become quite infamous for indulging in.

The hypocrisy comes into play when we say that everyone has the right of self-determination – they can decide what’s best for them… except when it comes to how they pursue physical and emotional succor.  If it’s okay to be straight and, here lately, kinda/sorta more okay to be gay than ever before, why is it not okay for someone to be bisexual?

Still more questions than answers which, on the surface, makes the future of bisexuality look pretty bleak or, at the least, is going to take many more decades before society, as whole, finally gets their heads out of the sand and see which way the wind has been blowing all along; sexuality isn’t as black and white as we’ve been told and, once more, the funny thing is that we do, in fact, know this – some of us are just loathe to accept it for the fact that it’s always been.

Instead of asking why people are bisexual and talking about how much sense being bisexual doesn’t make, wouldn’t it be better – and doesn’t it make sense – for us all to talk about this and determine how we can minimize the problems many bisexuals face – and those are mainly the social problems more than anything else?

The biggest problem isn’t the “risky sex” – it’s that lack of acceptance that causes conditions like being depressed, keeps a sense of suppression and repression hanging over a bisexual’s head like the most smoggiest cloud imaginable.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The “Either/Or” Game

“If pussy were as available as dick, would you still pursue the latter?”

Cityman asked me this question four days ago and it’s a variation of what I see as an ages-old question, namely, which do you prefer – men or women?  That this question will eventually get asked isn’t surprising because there are even bisexuals who think “men or women…” and not so much “men and women.”

It’s a kind of choice thing or comparing apples to oranges, do I take the blue pill or the red one, Maryanne or Ginger and similar things that, if nothing else, seeks to make one specific about things, that and we’re still of a mind that men only have sex with women and vice versa; that one would want to have sex with both just kinda fucks with some people’s minds and, I dunno, I supposed that holding true to this insists that one must make a choice between one thing or the other because one should only have, want, and need one outlet for sex which also enforces the state of being monogamous.

There’s a reason why so many people believe that bisexuals are greedy, right?  There’s also a reason why so many people believe that bisexuals are confused and incapable of making up their minds – pick a side… and stay on the side you’ve picked.

Obviously, bisexuals don’t do this and the thing that gets me is that there are actually people who don’t seem to understand why bisexuals are like this and more so since straight folks are forever straight (yeah, sure all of them are) and gay folks are forever gay (not all of them) but, right at the root of all of this, bisexuals wouldn’t be bisexual if their “choices” in this were limited to “or” instead of being broadened by the word, “and” would they?

Why both?  Um, why not?  Oh, yeah, that’s right… because no one is supposed to want both but, um, outside of this old saw, being able to go with both just doesn’t double one’s chances of getting a date on a Saturday night (and as Woody Allen once said) but it allows one to be more… self-expressive when it comes to sex and even emotional.  Now, bisexuals will sit back and nitpick being bisexual and establish what I call a default behavior and, here we go:  If a bi guy is given a choice (and “given a choice” is the key phrase here) between pussy and dick, most guys would say without any hesitation that they’d take the pussy first… and there’s really nothing unusual about this except I don’t recall if anyone’s been asked this question and they’ve said that they’d take the dick first – maybe they have but, like I said, I don’t remember them saying so.

My answer to this one, if you’re wondering, has been, “I’d take the pussy, of course… but I wouldn’t say no to the dick.” That answer tends to upset some apple carts because the person asking is trying to make me make a definitive choice – again, pick one and only one – which, at least to me, defies what it means to be bisexual.  They find my answer unacceptable and I’ve often had a good laugh watching the questioner trying to parse my answer and simply because it doesn’t make sense to them.

Indeed, quite a few guys are actually only bisexual when they can’t get any pussy and dick is a fallback kind of thing or, in case of emergency, suck dick (or whatever).  Some bisexuals don’t look at being bisexual as being inclusive – it’s seen as a separate thing and even then something to only engage in when certain conditions are met or, bluntly, getting some dick to scratch that itch is a last-ditch effort kind of thing and getting some dick in place of getting some pussy is better than having nothing at all.

There are those who feel or otherwise believe that since bisexuals are in the middle of the field, our desires should be equal, i.e., we should desire men just as much as we desire women and, frankly, I don’t know anyone who actually behaves like this since that desire thing tends to ebb and flow and are otherwise subject to change at any given moment and for no other reason than it can change.  It’s like at one moment, you want a cheeseburger and, seconds later, you decide you’d rather have a salad so it stands to reason that one could go from having pussy-on-the-brain to having a craving for cock and in the time it takes to blink.

Sexuality is fluid… and so is one’s thoughts and feelings.

Bisexuals are seen as being, let’s say, indecently indiscriminate; to some bisexuals, it doesn’t matter to them if they get pussy or dick as long as they can have sex… and the bisexual who’d like to have both at the same time, well, they must really be all fucked up in the head, ya greedy assed bastard.

It’s not that bisexuals don’t really and truly care about who they’re having sex with and sometimes it’s “simply” a matter of availability and/or opportunity, like the one guy who told me that he needed to get laid and he didn’t care if he got some pussy first or some dick – as long as he got laid.  Yep, sounds pretty indiscriminate but it really isn’t because while it’s true that some bisexuals will sleep with pretty much anyone, it’s a partial truth at best – it’s just that bisexuals, for the most part, don’t discriminate because whether they choose pussy or dick, they’re still gonna have sex.

Things like personality and demeanor do matter and are taken into consideration, you know, for all those folks that say that hearts should matter more than parts but for bisexuals, it’s never an “either/or” kind of thing since both can serve the purpose quite nicely and now it’s all about finding someone who’ll say yes to the proposition of sex.

So when I get that “men or women” question, my answer is, “Yes!” – and then I find myself having to explain it and beginning with that it’s not “men or women” – it’s “men and women” and, sure, if I can have both in one sitting, does it really get any better than that?

I’m sure you can probably imagine the looks I get and because I don’t play the “either/or” game.  It just seems to me that if ya didn’t like both – and to whatever degree you do – um, would you really be bisexual?  And if you really like sex – and I do mean seriously like sex – should it matter what parts your partner has as long as you’re having sex and making that very human connection that sex brings to the table?

“Would you prefer to eat pussy or suck dick?”  Uh, why can’t I prefer to do both?  People get locked into the conjunction thing – “or” versus “and” and I’ve always found it amazing that we – humans – tend to do this and maybe it’s because we spend our lives making choices between this, that, or the other and some of the things we have to choose between aren’t exactly what I’d call multiple choice; in things sexual, there are two choices – male or female and bisexuals choose both.  Maybe not “equally” or even consistently as a matter of course.

Bisexuality removes one from that “single source” situation that most people are content to be a part of – and there’s nothing wrong with that, nothing at all.  Perhaps, even in bisexuality, it is perceived that while one can have access to two sources, you still should only avail yourself of one source at a time… but don’t a lot of bisexuals think about threesomes?  It’s the “ultimate” sexual experience for a bisexual to get some pussy and dick in the same sexual experience.  Not all bisexuals get to experience this – um, that whole sharing thing doesn’t sit well with most folks.

It’s just that when thinking about bisexuality at a high level of thought, it’s just not “men or women…”

It’s “men and women” and in whatever way a bisexual can make that happen for themselves.  We can and do make this rather conditional and to the point where some bisexuals get really nitpicky and slice their sexuality into tiny pieces like saying it’s not something they’d do all of the time or slipping over to the other side of the fence only happens in certain situations or conditions.  But despite all the nitpicking, slicing and dicing, it’s still men and women…

Otherwise, would one really be bisexual if “or” was the only choice to be made?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Do… Or Do Not

After a while, this topic becomes rather circular – at least in my head – because I never really know what’s gonna pop in there that I want to scribble about and, as such, I often wind up repeating topics, which isn’t really a bad thing because, if nothing else, it saves new readers from having to go through everything I’ve ever written about this.

Those of you who have been following me for a while knows I’ve written about this… a lot.  This scribble is about whether one has to do something about feeling bisexual as well as that cockeyed notion that if you think about doing something, you’re gonna do it and the even sillier notion that once someone figures out they’re bisexual, they’re gonna be off and running to screw everyone they come across.

Truth is that there’s some validity to this… just not as much as you’d think.  While there are untold numbers of bisexuals around the world, there are probably even higher untold numbers of folks who are bi-curious and that curiosity can run from, “What’s this all about?” to “What would it be like to (add something here)?”

Make no mistake:  The urge to get out there and do something is pretty damned powerful but is also – and usually – tempered by a lot of trepidation because while there is awareness of the sex that’s possible, one gets that early lesson on thinking not being the same as doing because, oddly, one just doesn’t seem to know what it is they’re thinking about getting themselves into, plus they’re aware of almost every bad thing that’s ever been said about same-sex sex.  Then, if that’s not enough to make someone hesitate, there’s a very real concern about what other people are gonna think about them should they discover this; the coming-out – or being outed – horror stories are plentiful and very real.

As I keep saying over and over, the haters say that bisexuals don’t think about what they’re doing but after accepting that this is how they feel, the biggest decision to be made is whether to – and as the title of this says – do… or do not.  Of course, I swiped this from that conversation that Yoda had with Luke Skywalker when Luke couldn’t pull his ship out of the muck and he told Yoda that he’d try – and Yoda famously said, “Do… or do not – there is no try.”

Truth is some newly minted bisexual do want to try and there is a lot of thought behind this from what they wanna try to who they wanna try it with while trying to figure out everything that could possibly go wrong if they do and trying to figure out if they can, in fact, do whatever it is they’re thinking about doing.  Making the decision to do or do not is a tough one because there’s just too much shit to be thinking about and because of this, many choose to do not – it’s just too much information to process and often one is trying to process this information without really understanding it and they wind up with more questions than answers.

What’s it like to suck a dick or to be sucked by another guy?  You can see it via “gay porn,” and a guy can even think about any time a woman has given him head… but because this is perceived to be different, eh, that might not help a whole lot, as strange as that may sound.  You can ask guys who have done this and they’ll tell you what they’ve experienced, how they feel about it, stuff like that… but the bottom line is that if you wanna know what it’s like, um, ya gotta do it and getting up the courage to do it isn’t as easy as it sounds.  Why not just take someone else’s word for it?  You could… but you’d be proceeding with your head filled with someone else’s likes and dislikes and that will influence your ability to determine whether this is something you can do and may or may not like.

What’s the whole anal sex thing about and outside of the obvious?  Well, porn makes getting into someone’s butt look easy and, of course, you don’t see what takes place before the scene is shot but some guys find out that sticking their dick into someone’s ass isn’t that easy; there’s a lot of… let’s say, natural resistance to messing around with that hole and for some, this resistance is so strong that the moment a guy goes to insert himself in there, he loses his erection.  Some guys who are mindful enough to cover up before going in there can find that the moment they slip on the jimmy, bye-bye erection… and, no, I have no idea why this happens; I just know it does.

But, sure, if a guy can get in there, well, it’s just fucking although, again, because of the hole being fucked, it can mess with a guy’s head.  Ah, but to be on the receiving end of the dick?  The horror stories abound, don’t they, and beginning with how much it hurts which is usually enough to make a guy not want to get boned.  You wanna see the toughest guy you know turn into a bit of a wuss?  Mention going to the doctor and getting “the finger” to get his prostate checked – then watch how he might react.  It stands to reason that if guys will quail over getting a finger in their butt for a few seconds, anything bigger than that, well, you get the picture.

True enough, all of this doesn’t stop the guy who’s determined to be screwed – it’s just hard to make a decision about this when one really doesn’t have a point of reference so again, um, if you wanna know what it’s like to be screwed, hit the Internet and learn all you can about preparing yourself for it while keeping in mind that being able to stuff a dildo in there isn’t the same as having the real thing in there.  And, duh, one is either going to like it… or not; the experience of others is one thing but your results will vary.

How about just jerking another guy off?  Sounds easy, right, and more so since most guys jerk themselves off?  But what a guy has to think about is whether or not he can actually wrap his hand around another’s guy dick.  How about having another guy doing it?  I mean, really, how difficult can that be?  It can be difficult because, just like a blow job, there’s this… difference between doing it yourself and, if you’re lucky, having a woman doing it.  You can find out what other guys have experienced with this – and, first time out, guys do find it weird but, once more, if you really wanna know?

Give it a shot.

This doesn’t mean that I’m saying, suggesting, or advising any one to just dive on in there; my purpose is to make one think before acting… and think long and hard about the consequences of one’s actions and I do mean both the good and the potentially bad.  It really is a lot to think about; the good parts, okay, that might not be too difficult to discern… it’s just that the bad parts – and there are bad parts – are hard to predict; you know that it could go wrong – you just don’t know how it can and while one might be able to think about that which might go south, no one can think of every little thing that could go wrong… because you haven’t done anything that could go wrong.

I know… it sounds crazy, doesn’t it?  If you do a thing, are you gonna like it?  I really don’t know; I can tell you that, yeah, sure, you might like it… and you might not.  I can even tell you some things about why you might not like it and the simple version is doing it with the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Now, try to figure out how this can happen and you might be able to understand why some bi guys choose to do not because there are just too many unknowns associated with doing.

Doing or not doing is such a complex thing to consider that it makes me say that one should think first… then act if they must… or if they can.  Doing is a life-changing event and it is true that those changes aren’t always positive ones… but for many, not doing can cause more “problems” than doing and usually because one’s mind is swamped with questions that need answers… and answers that can only be obtained by doing; finding out what it’s like for someone else is good and even advised… doesn’t ever mean that your experience is going to match someone else’s.

I understand this… which is why I usually try to talk guys out of doing it and make them aware of what I know that can go very well… and nightmarishly wrong.  Comparatively speaking, doing is easy; not doing, eh, not always as easy as it sounds but the hardest thing?  Thinking about it; trying to decide whether or not doing is going to be a good thing for them.  If you think you can, then make it happen; if you think you can’t, well, don’t even try until you can be sure that you can… and with the sure understanding that you could be wrong because I’ll keep saying it:  Thinking and doing aren’t always the same thing and especially when it comes to this.

One cannot know how they’re gonna react when faced with that moment of truth before the fact; one cannot know how they’re gonna react during the fact and they’re sure as hell not going to know how they’re gonna react after the fact.  One can be positive about these things and being positive and confident is a good thing to be… and it may lend itself to a good first experience… or not.

If you can be actively bisexual, then be actively bisexual.  If not, then don’t – just don’t.  This bisexual thing isn’t for everyone because to be actively bisexual, one must unlearn everything they’ve ever learned about sex so they can learn something else about sex and, oh, yeah, sex in a way that has, historically, been prohibited.  I’m the guy who will honestly tell you that this can be the most amazing thing you’ve ever done in your life… or the worst thing you’ve ever done or have tried to do.  I know some get this… fairy tale kind of thing in their minds where it all goes beautifully but then the reality of actually interacting with someone winds up being one hell of a shock to the system because one can imagine anything they want…

Reality can be a harsh teacher.  I get that some guys work out in their heads the ideal situation and with the ideal guy and it’s almost natural to think about it like this and if a guy, having decided to dive in, doesn’t learn anything, he will, most certainly, learn some things about men that he didn’t know or wasn’t really aware of… and what he could learn could be devastating, disappointing, highly disillusioning… or, again, the most exciting and satisfying thing he’s ever done.

And, lest you forget, women aren’t immune to this deep level of thinking about whether or not they can really do… or do not.   A lot of men and women can be of a mind that, nah, I couldn’t do that… and they really can’t bring themselves to do it.  At the same time, some folks find out why you never say never because while one can think that they’ve never be in a situation where some… doing would happen, well, unless you’re clairvoyant and can really see the future, you should let me know that you are so you can pick out the winning lottery numbers for the next gigantic jackpot for me.  It’s easy for one to say, “I don’t think I’d like that…” and find that they really didn’t… but also find out that, well, who knew it was really that good of a thing to do?

If you can do it, then do it and find out for yourself what it’s all about; if you can’t, just don’t.  I’ll tell anyone:  Just because you can do it doesn’t mean you have to and this is another lesson a lot of bisexuals wind up learning.

Time to check on my chicken soup.  I’ll leave you for now and say that this shit can be so confusing and to the point where deciding to do – or do not – can be difficult for some and a no-brainer for others.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Who Can Be Bisexual?

Last week or so, Cityman and I were talking about Freddy Mercury and Queen and how there were some folks who were losing their mind over whether or not Freddy was gay or bisexual.  We mentioned some other rather famous performers who, let’s say, wasn’t of a mind to be heterosexual so much and it just served to remind me of something that doesn’t exactly rub me the wrong way as it does make me say, “So what if they’re bi?  So are a lot of people who ain’t famous….”

Some stuff I’ve read over the last couple of years has sought to qualify and quantify bisexuality and, specifically, male bisexuality… and as if there aren’t female bisexuals but, historically, the ladies always get a pass on this one.  Some of those things I’ve read have attempted to pin down the “source” of male bisexuality, sometimes citing economical issues in the urban areas of the country, education levels or the lack thereof, and even trying to determine what age groups are more likely to spawn bisexuals.

Who can be bisexual?  Anyone can… if they wanna be.  Race doesn’t matter; education doesn’t nor does the size of one’s bank account; it doesn’t matter if you live in the poshest neighborhood or deep in the heart of any ghetto you care to think of, and there’s no age that’s specified and in the sense of, for example, you have to be 18 to vote or 21 to legally drink.  There are even gay folks who are more bisexual than they’d care to admit to.  Even one’s religious beliefs doesn’t matter because – and as I’ve heard it being said – if one has made their peace with their deity of choice and as long as they believe in that deity and not so much what’s being preached from the pulpit, then it’s all good.  Or even as I’ve said, “If I’m going to hell for this, at least I won’t be there by myself…”

A lot of folks who’ve said, “I would never, ever, do some shit like that!” have discovered that being bisexual actually ain’t all that bad.  I mean, like, who knew, right?

The problem that researchers have in trying to nail this down to a series of absolutes is getting their hands on enough bisexuals to make the data really mean something and that problem compounds itself since, um, there are  bisexuals who’d rather keep this bit of information to themselves.  Thus – and as I’ve repeatedly said here – you could be standing next to a bisexual and not know it; someone you know could be bisexual and over all of the time you’ve known them, ha, ya didn’t know this about them, did ya?

I’ve read more stuff that’s anti-bisexual than I’ve read that’s pro-bisexual and, again, as I’ve mentioned, chock-full of things that I recognize from those days when homosexuals were highly and viciously vilified, up to and including that maybe their parents didn’t raise them right.  I’ve read about the nature versus nurture debate which, frankly, didn’t do much to “explain” homosexuality and using this to “explain” bisexuality doesn’t seem to be working all that well either.  It is assumed that there’s something wrong with someone who finds that they’re bisexual and, indeed, some folks who’ve been bitten by the bisexual bug usually asks themselves, “What’s wrong with me?”

Um, nothing, really.  Are you the only one?  No, you’re not but don’t worry – it’s normal to feel like you are and while you might not be aware of it, there are more bisexuals than can be imagined and, by the way, not all bisexuals are sexually active in this regard, not because they can’t but because they don’t want to be and for whatever reason makes sense to them.

You don’t really need any… qualifications to be bisexual, you know, like needing a college degree to be an organic chemist; this is putting it mildly and perhaps oversimplifying it but the only real qualification you need to be bisexual is wanting to be bisexual.  Some feel that one needs a reason to be bisexual and, usually, one does have a reason or a whole lot of reasons which doesn’t really explain those folks who could wake up tomorrow morning and find themselves having some serious same-sex thoughts.  Just my own opinion but I think biology and evolution can have something to do with this and “simply” because somewhere in our species’ past, two men had sex with each other as did two women and found it to be good… well, right up to the point where religion said it wasn’t but we’re not talking about that so much.

Anyone can be bisexual.  Doesn’t mean that any- or everyone should be given how difficult it can be to adjust to being bisexual even in one’s private thoughts.  Anti-bisexual factions will be more than happy to tell you all of their reasons why one should avoid bisexuality like the plague… but it’s all just social programming and of the kind that’s rather flawed because if it wasn’t flawed, would there be any bisexuals or homosexuals at all?

Think about that one for a moment while I put this to bed…

Many, many years ago, a guy asked me, “Why would I even want to be like that?”  My response?  “Because you can be if you want to – do you really need more of a reason than that?”  Apparently, he did and probably because we all tend to believe that nothing happens without there being a reason for it… but that reason doesn’t seem to include what I think is the most simplest of reasons.

Because you want to be and for whatever other reasons make sense to you… and even if it doesn’t make any sense to anyone else.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: After the Fact

Regardless to whether or not you made it through your first experience, now’s the time to sit down with yourself and think about what happened (or didn’t) and what next steps to take, if any.

Some guys come away from their first experience invigorated and energized, some aren’t so enthused with it, and the guys who couldn’t pull the trigger are usually sitting around kicking themselves in the ass and trying to figure out why they froze up.

All of these things are quite normal as well as things one must come to grips with; after one decides or determines how their first time went, one big question can be, “Do I wanna do that again?”

I know y’all are getting tired of me saying this but for all those folks who insist that we – bisexuals – don’t think about what we’re doing, we do so, please, keep such nonsensical opinions to yourself, okay?

In that internal after action report, there’s a review of being in that moment, from the time you agreed to do it with a guy and right through the moment when it was done and over – and provided anything happened, of course.  Some of it is a performance review but most of it is an emotional review or, “How am I feeling about it?”

It’s what I’ll call a moment of justification and, in actuality, it’s the second such moment; the first came when it was decided to act and, probably oversimplified, saying – and convincing – one’s self that doing it with another guy is what is needed – it has to be done – and, often, it does have to be done in order to reestablish peace of mind more than scratching that itch.  In the second moment, think of it as a confirmation as one asks themselves, “Did I do the right thing for myself?” or something to that effect.  It’s not unusual for a guy to second guess himself after the fact even when he’s determined that he had a fantastic first time – again, one of those normal kind of things that can go through a guy’s mind.

If he couldn’t pull the trigger, well, let’s just say it doesn’t make a guy feel good and trying to figure out why he couldn’t usually presents more questions than answers.  Some guys have said that they couldn’t go through with it because they were feeling guilty before the fact while some guys just fess up and say that they were just too nervous and/or afraid to do it.  And if having to face this can be considered bad enough, having to sit down with himself and go over this… failure is even worse and I’ve heard guys say, “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen…” and even use this frozen moment to support the social programming that says – forever and ever – guys aren’t supposed to be doing this so no wonder you couldn’t go through with it.

Then there’s this to think about:  Some guys are just assholes and have little or no sympathy or understanding about why a guy couldn’t do what he said he wanted to do and it’s my opinion that guys who give frozen guys a hard time about this have forgotten that, once upon a time, they had a first time as well.

So you have that failure to engage to think about as well as what the other guy might have had to say – and, hopefully, he really was understanding about it and not of a mind to fuss over it.

Hopefully.

For the guys who are happy with how things went and they had a good after action report, well, what happens next is kinda/sorta easy:  Let’s do it again and the sooner, the better!  For the guys who’s first time wasn’t all that spectacular – it was just okay, let’s say – going for it again may or may not be of any real import and they’ll just chalk it up to just another “bad” sexual experience and just might have decided not to ever give it another try when, to be honest, they should – and I’ll tell you why.

If the experience didn’t go well – or never took place – some guys or maybe even most guys probably don’t think about the fact that it wasn’t what they were wanting and trying to do that got all fucked up:  It was the moment itself and in the forms of the wrong time, wrong place, and even the wrong person.  So like many of us, it gets determined that since the shit went bad the first time, it will always go badly so why bother to do it again?

Some guys do realize this, though, and will eventually reason out that doing it again is warranted and, hopefully, under better circumstances or, if the reason things went south were because of some kind of performance issue due to nervousness (a likely culprit), now it’s about trying not to be so nervous.  More difficult is trying to convince one’s self to go for it again when, bluntly, they were made to face their fears and just couldn’t handle it – and there’s just no way for someone to tell a guy in this situation, “Just don’t be afraid!” – it is truly a lot easier said than done.

In this, the first thing that should be understood is that it happens and, importantly, there’s nothing to be ashamed of and that’s despite the opinion of some guys who feel that if you can’t go through with whatever you said you wanted to do, well, ya need to man up and take off your little girl panties.  Yeah… some guys are still just total assholes.  Getting past one’s fears is never easy and this is one of those moments when being able to talk to someone who has already gone through this can be a big help.

Most guys don’t have this resource so dealing with this doesn’t always go well and may never be resolved but, sure, some guys have the wherewithal to understand what happened and what they’ll have to do so that, if and when the opportunity comes again, there won’t be a repeat of that first time disconnect.

Just because a guy had a successful first experience doesn’t always mean there will be a second one; for some guys,  some M2M fun was more like a bucket list kind of thing; they wanted to know what it was like, found out what it was like, now on to the next thing on the list of things to do.  Yeah, for a lot of guys, there will be a second time even if it’s only to prove that they really did enjoy the first time or, conversely, they can enjoy the next time and more than they did the first time around.

It’s a… delicate moment.  Should I do it again?  Can I do it again?  Did I really do what was best for me?  Did or was the other guy really and truly happy with my performance or was he just being nice and I really sucked – and not in a good way?  These and about a million or so more questions are likely to go through a guy’s mind after the fact and right along with an examination of how they felt before, during, and after the fact and, yes, that includes any shitty and/or guilty feeling experienced… and let’s not forget any feelings of paranoia because I don’t know of a single guy who, throughout it all, hasn’t worried about getting caught in the act even though they’ve taken every precaution they could to ensure that they wouldn’t get caught in the act.

Even after a successful first time, some guys find themselves more concerned with someone else finding out that they did whatever it was they did… except, um, unless homey was really careless, how would someone know unless you told them (or your partner spilled the beans)?  The truth is that some guys actually tell on themselves and without being aware that they’re ratting themselves out… because having that first time changes the way one behaves, from being unusually hyped up to being unusually morose and down in the mouth… and some people can pick up on these changes in one’s demeanor which is why some guys work hard to remain cool, calm and collected on the outside… while feeling some kind of way on the inside… and, well, that’s not what other people might pick up on and someone just might ask, “Hey, you don’t seem like yourself – is everything okay?”

Uh-oh.  Some guys tend to rat themselves out because in order for them to have gotten that first experience under their belt, they’d have to make some changes to their normal routine in order to be in the right place at the right time and, yup, some people are observant enough to take note of this change in routine and, oops, start asking questions that one won’t be of a mind to answer.

All after the fact, there’s a ton of shit to be thought about and the important thing here is to think about it so that one can make an informed decision whether to go for it again or just leave things alone going forward.  I say again that it’s not an easy decision to make because of the many feelings one has to sort through and not merely, “Did I like it or not?”

So the most difficult thing to deal with after the fact is… yourself and no matter how that first experience went.  You wind up learning a whole lot of stuff about yourself and some of those things aren’t easy to face and get comfortable with.  It’s not so much whatever it was you did with another guy as it is how you deal with yourself after the fact that becomes so very important and will be a deciding factor in whether or not a second time is warranted and justified.

And one should never, ever, underestimate the ability to justify something.  The stigma against M2M behaviors is powerfully insular and serves – and attempts – to stop guys dead in their tracks and keep them from doing this… and it’s not like we don’t know this but the fact of the matter is that humans can justify anything they do and even if that justification doesn’t make one damned bit of sense to anyone else.  In the after action moment, to be blunt, the only person you have to justify yourself to is yourself; explaining yourself to someone else is a whole different thing and that’s being really nice about it and, yes, something else to be worried about and more so in the face of that crazy urge to come out and tell everyone about this “new” thing you have going on with yourself.

It’s still a time to think, to analyze and review.  We really don’t rush into this without any forethought or even afterthoughts even though there are exceptions like one finding themselves unexpectedly in that moment and a snap decision was made to do… or do not or, um, yep, they get to blame it on the alcohol.  For this, some people will say that this is no excuse and some of the people who might say this don’t drink so they don’t really understand what alcohol can do other than get someone inebriated – it lowers and/or flat out removes inhibitions and in this situation, yeah, all after the fact, it’s something to think about.

So much to think about after the fact and a decision to make going forward:  Do I go for it again or not?  I’m still the guy who’ll tell you this as well as telling you that this decision isn’t always an easy one to make.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: That Moment of Perfect Clarity or “What Did I Just Do?”

If you’ve gotten your head around the fact that you like both men and women and you’ve managed to sort out what sexy thing you want to experience and have decided to take the plunge, there’s a couple of things the inexperienced bisexual has to consider that are important and both will have – can have – a major impact.

The first is getting up the courage to actually do whatever you were thinking about doing.  It irks the shit out of me to read stuff the biphobic bunch likes to write and implying that bisexuals – and men, in particular – just run around having sex with anyone over ambient temperature and without giving any thought to what they’re doing when the truth is that there’s a lot of thinking going on – ya just don’t get to hear about what’s being thought all that much.

A guy who is ready to strip down and dive in will, if he’s done his due diligence, get all the information he can acquire and from the many sources like porn and, if he’s lucky, anyone he can find and talk to about things M2M.  It is said that if you can see yourself doing a thing, you can do it and a lot of guys do have very active imaginations although, in my observations, even the guys who aren’t so imaginative can discover that they can do that which they can’t envision themselves doing.

And that’s all well and good… but you still have to do it.  Guys who have a hankering to suck cock just might find inanimate objects to practice on; guys who are eager to find out what it’s like to have something long and hard in their ass will also employ said objects.  And, again, that’s all well and good… but none of those things really prepare you for being in that moment where you’ve agreed to do something – like sucking a dick – and now there’s a dick just waiting for you to give it some attention.

I call it “the moment of truth” and I can’t think of a better way to put this.  You’ve [perhaps] studied sucking a dick, just might have gone through a bunch of bananas as a rather tasty dry run (unless you don’t like bananas), and perhaps even watched some porn just to see dicks being sucked – straight or gay porn, doesn’t matter.  So you know what to do right up to the moment when there’s a, say, seven-inch cock in your face and the guy attached to it is eagerly waiting for you to open your mouth and get started.

And some guys just freeze up in this moment; hell, some guys can’t even bring themselves to touch the other guy’s cock and I’d have to say that this particular moment of clarity can be quite traumatic and embarrassing to discover that, um, fuck – ya can’t do it.  I also cannot begin to tell you what might be going through a frozen guy’s mind in this moment other than a great deal of fear and uncertainty and, once again, one gets to learn that thinking and doing really ain’t the same things.

For some, that frozen, paralyzing moment brings everything to a screeching halt and there’s just no going forward.  However, some guys are able to, ahem, thaw out and proceed; that’s the moment where I like to say that a guy, after running a lot of shit through their heads in what’s really an incredibly short period of time just says, “Fuck it…” and starts sucking on that dick.  He’ll say this (or something similar to it) because his brain is pretty much on overload at this point and thoughts/impressions are flashing through his mind so quickly he can’t keep up with them.  Everything gets jumbled up and, in a kind of paraphrasing way, his brain just says, “Just go ahead and do it already!”

And now it’s on.  It’s a little different (an understatement, trust me) when he’s the one watching another man lowering his head to his dick and it just feels so… weird and strange even though it’s not like he’s never seen anyone moving to suck his dick before… but because there’s a guy about to do this, it can be quite surreal.  Now, honestly, I’ve not seen or heard of too many guys in this moment call it off… but I do know what some guys have said once their dick starts to get sucked and it’s along the lines of, “I don’t believe there’s a guy sucking my dick!”

Some guys, in this moment, experience some… performance issues – they can’t get hard and no matter what the other guy is doing.  The reason?  Too much sensory input or, simply, being in that moment is just too much for their minds to handle and, usually, it’s that moment where the guy doing the sucking should tell the newbie, “Hey, just relax – breathe; it’ll be okay.”

Once he can relax, a guy will learn a few things as his dick gets worked on, namely, it’s not all that different from when a woman does it and it’s about that time when a guy might start asking himself, “What was I afraid of?”  He’s getting into it and, quite possibly, he’s into it enough to do some sucking himself; some call it being in the heat of the moment and this moment is really one of where a guy (in this case) just kinda stops thinking and goes with the flow of things.  If he goes after the other guy’s dick, he then learns that, hmm, sucking dick isn’t really as bad as he’s heard it is.

Having said that, it is true that some guys have another guy sucking on their cock for the first time and, um, they just lose it and way before they wanted to and, sure, it’s pretty horrifying and more embarrassing than anything I can imagine… but it’s normal, believe it or not and, again, sensory overload can be responsible for this, ah, early release.  Some manage not to lose it in those first thirty seconds or so – and, yes, it can happen that quickly and depending on how much they’ve been able to relax and all that, at some point, they’re gonna cum – but it’s true that some guys can’t and that’s because their brain has conspired against them and they’re overstimulated, making ejaculation damned near impossible as well as being able to maintain an erection so they can cum.

Yeah… sometimes we’re our own enemy.  Just how shit goes.

Now we get to that moment of clarity that arrives post-ejaculation – that “What the fuck did I just do?” moment that’s so guilt-laden that I’ve seen guys throw up and even break down and start crying.  To say that in this moment of perfect clarity that a guy is gonna feel bad does not even begin to describe how it really feels – it just doesn’t.  I happen to know the reason for this God-awful feeling has to do with what’s known as the refractory period of sex and, basically, that moment when all the chemical “fuel” that was driving one’s lust and desire, simply, runs out.  Here’s the thing about this that ya might find interesting.

Even when we have sex with women, we go through the refractory period and the easiest way I can explain this is that while you’re having sex, ya just don’t want to stop doing it to her and even thinking ahead a little about ravaging girlfriend again… until ya bust that nut… and now, the last thing you wanna do is have sex again and, yeah, you just might be feeling a little “guilty” to boot.  The thing is that we kinda/sorta get so used to this that even when we jerk off, we notice this absence of desire but, eh, don’t really pay that much attention to it…

But when a guy has made you bust that nut, oh, yeah, you sure as hell are paying attention to it now!  Every dire warning you’ve ever heard of is now racing through your brain and the guilt, oh, man, the guilt is overwhelming and guys have always attributed this guilty feeling with the social prohibition that men should not ever have sex with each other and now, oh, shit (yeah, another one of those moments for ya), what the fuck did I just do?

And how the fuck am I gonna deal with this?  I’ll try to tell you and make sense of it for you.  First, the refractory period is what it is and there’s nothing you can do about it; secondly, okay, you broke the rules… not like you’re the only one who broke the rules because there’s a guy nearby who is probably feeling the same thing but it’s not fucking with him like it’s now fucking with you.  Thirdly, take a very deep breath to calm yourself – you can do it – and instead of letting all those post-release emotions beat you down, focus on what’s really important in this, beginning with the fact that you just did something that confirmed a few things, namely, something you wanted to do and you were able to do it.

And highly important:  You had fun doing it.  You see, dear readers, the post-release feelings can be so overwhelming that a guy just forgets, albeit temporarily, that he did, in fact, have fun sucking and/or being sucked but because that sickening guilty feeling is so powerful, it’s all he can really think about.  What is just important is how the guy you just did this with handles this post-release moment, beginning with asking you if you’re okay even though you, as sure as shit is what it is, aren’t feeling okay.  Well, wait – you are but, eh, not so much.

For some guys, this moment of perfect clarity passes quickly or, the worst of the refractory period has passed and, for the record, it isn’t exactly the same every time – but it always happens.  The problem comes in when a guy’s brain settles down and starts to process all that has happened and if they’re having a really bad refractory period, it can go a long way to making a guy change his mind about doing it again.

Did you really do something wrong?  Truth is, no – not really and that’s despite what the social programming says.  Yes, I know it’s hard to understand how this makes sense but trust me – it does make sense once you’re able to really think about it.  But when you combine that nasty-assed refractory period with the social programming, it’s really gonna fuck with your head unless – and as I’ve been saying – you let your intellect handle the after-action reports.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking (I think):  What about the guy who has cheated on his wife to do this?  That makes him wrong, doesn’t it?  Yes, it does – different kind of wrongness and one that could have legal implications but while some guys will think that, holy fuck, I just cheated on my wife/girlfriend, that’s usually the second though after after the more glaring one:  I just had sex with a guy.

Fuck.

Some guys feel like a ton of shit after the fact; some guys are rather energized after the fact because their intellect kicked in quickly and informed them that, hey, this wasn’t as bad as they thought it would or as they’ve otherwise heard and, by the way, um, can we do this again if there’s time to do it?

It is incredibly difficult for some guys to accept that they’re feeling bisexual; it’s not all that easy to jump in there and do something because, once more, thinking and doing really aren’t the same things in every instance… and dealing with themselves after the fact can be unimaginably difficult and to the point where a guy will have this first experience… and never have another one.  Many guys will hold off having a second experience so they can process the first one and to the best of their ability but one of the reasons why guys have so many problems trying to process this is not having someone they can talk to about this and as I’ve mentioned, when I’ve given his guy his first experience, I feel I have a duty not to leave him floundering with all of this emotional shit because I know how badly this can affect someone and the first question I’ll ask in this moment – and after asking him if he’s okay – is, “Did you have fun?” and because it’s important – and I think it is – to get him thinking about anything other than making himself sick thinking that he just committed the crime of the century.

It’s believed that we – bisexuals – just do this and without any regard to the consequences of our actions and, well, I just beg to differ with you because in that moment of perfect clarity, you are good and damned well very much aware of the consequences because shit just got really real.  Some guys adjust well… and some never get their head around it and see what they did as the biggest mistake they could have ever made.

Which usually gets me asking them, “If it was such a horrible mistake, why did you go for it?  I mean, you had to know that a lot of people do, in fact, believe that doing it with another guy is about as wrong as anything gets, right?  Yet, here we are, sitting here and talking about it and after it’s all said and done, aren’t we?”  I will even point out that he could have called a stop to things at any point… and he didn’t.  And, yep, I’ve had guys tell me that they wanted to stop… and not so much and I don’t have the words to really explain this except to say it’s not all that unusual for these conflicting thoughts to show up.

The reason for this is to jump start his intelligence – to get him thinking about why he wanted and/or needed to do this in the first place because, again, those icky refractory period feelings have the ability to short-circuit one’s ability to look at what happened using their intellect.  And this moment is just one hell of a game changer and more so if/when a guy cannot get past this moment of perfect clarity and a moment, I might add, that is really only a few seconds long and goes something like this:  “Oh, shit!  I’m gonna cum!” followed damned near instantaneously by, “What the fuck did I just do?”

His body is going, “Ahh, damn, that felt good!” but his mind is freaking out as the reality sets in:  This dude just sucked me off… a dude!  What really causes the severe conflict is them knowing that, uh, they enjoyed every moment of it, well, right up to those scant seconds after they busted their nut.

What about the guy who’s sucking cock for the first time but isn’t, at least in that moment, not being sucked?  Oh, there’s a whole lot of shit going on inside their head and along the lines of, “I don’t believe I’m doing this” right along with, “I don’t believe I’m enjoying this!”  In this situation, I’d have to say that it doesn’t get real until the other guy says, “Oh, shit… fuck… I’m gonna cum!”  Now it’s decision time, believe it or not:  Do I stop sucking him so he won’t cum in my mouth or do I keep going so he can cum in my mouth?  Some guys stop… and some just kinda/sorta say, “Fuck it…” again; if they find the taste not their liking they either spit it out or, um, just deal with it and their mind will sort it out later.

Oh yeah… some guys don’t get that warning, not because the other guy doesn’t want to warn the newbie – there’s just no time to issue it; one moment it’s feeling more than wonderful and literally a split second later – oops.

Some guys, after sucking their first dick, do feel somewhat guilty because, over and over, the social programming is still screaming at them about doing what he wasn’t ever supposed to do.  By and large, however, the worst of it is a guy giving his first blow job is centered around whether he enjoyed the experience as much as he thought he would and, yeah, there’s that whole acquired taste thing that might have to be thought about.  Without going through that refractory period, eh, it’s probably hard to feel that sense of overwhelming guilt when you’re not the one busting the nut, not to say that a guy can’t feel guilty about breaking the taboo – it’s just that that moment isn’t always that bad.

In fact, it’s quite the ego trip and pretty exciting to finally learn that sucking a dick isn’t really all that bad – and spunk notwithstanding but, yeah, even guys who get their first taste of it often determine that it’s something they can deal with.  If there’s something that plagues the first time cock sucker, it’s usually being worried about whether he’s doing a good job of it and whether the guy he’s sucking will think he’s doing a good job… and, yes, right along with the nagging thought in the back of his mind that is, again, screaming that he shouldn’t be doing it and sure as hell shouldn’t be having fun doing it.

I know this scribble has been going on for a while and for that I apologize… but it’s important that this moment be understood.  It’s not what was done that’s really the problem:  It’s what happens after the fact that’s problematic for a lot of people – and not just men, in case you were wondering.  One winds up having to process the fact that they did it, has to make a determination on whether or not they enjoyed it, and then deal with any guilty feelings that may show up – and then hang around for a while until they can deal with it.

I’m just the guy who’ll tell you that not only does this happen, I’ll also tell you that some people adjust without any further issues… and some can’t adjust at all and the failure to adjust is rooted in their belief that they did something morally wrong (and marital infidelity notwithstanding for the purpose of this discussion) and, perhaps, not knowing about or understanding that damning refractory period that no one that I know of is immune to and one that can either make a person feel beyond wonderful… or so dirty and filthy that no amount of soap and water will ever get them “clean” again.  It’s that moment that can make someone – anyone – feel “used” and, yeah, make them totally forget that before they were feeling this way, um, they were having one hell of a good time.

This moment of perfect clarity is a life-changing moment and one that could go either way:  Either they’re gonna do it again… or they never will.  I didn’t have the advantage of someone explaining this to me when I was growing up, which is exactly why I sit here and scribble these things – and because these things are some very necessary and important information for the budding bisexual looking to have their first experience and what to expect after they do – and even for those experienced bisexuals who have, indeed, noticed how they feel sometimes after sex but, until now, maybe they didn’t understand what’s really going on.  It’s never about what you do – it’s about how you deal with it after you do it that truly matters the most.

I’ll leave y’all to think about all of this if you’re of a mind to and to let you know that if, even having the sex of your choice, you feel kinda/sorta shitty after the fact, there’s a reason why you do… and to ask what might be a rhetorical question:  Why would you – or should you – feel guilty about something you wanted to do in the first place?  And, just in case you happen to not believe any of this and require some proof, all you have to do is pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behavior – and your partner’s – right after you have sex:  You might be surprised and more so if you happen to notice that, after the fact, you’re basking in something that isn’t quite that happy afterglow…

This should keep your mind occupied for a few, huh?

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Next, What to Do?

So you’ve gotten past your “Oh, shit!” moment and have realized that the only thing that’s really changed about yourself is your thoughts about sex and sexuality although, admittedly, there still may be some “issues” still running around between your ears.  Perhaps you’ve decided that there’s nothing you can – or want to – do about this but maybe this has been on your mind enough and you’ve been thinking about what you’d like to do about this, you know, if you could.

Another of those “way back in the day” moments.  When two guys decided they wanted to “do it to each other,” it was accepted that “it” was pretty much doing everything, from playing with each other’s dick, to sucking each other’s dick, to dicks going in each other’s butt or, at the very least, dicks going between butt cheeks… then repeat if necessary or possible.

I’d have to say that guys then didn’t have much in the way of preferences other than wanting to do it and it wasn’t like guys were in the habit of asking what one liked (or being asked); again, “doing it” was a package deal so if there was a question to be asked and answered, it was usually, “Where can we do this?”  “What” was the whole nine yards; “why” was kinda self-evident; “when” was usually right this moment (but dependent upon the answer to “where”).

Experiences and time would eventually start to shake things out into “I like this” and “I don’t like that” which also included that, “Put it in my butt – but don’t stick it in too far” and the “I’ll suck your dick – but don’t shoot in my mouth” things that would crop up from time to time.

No Internet and the only form of porn were paperback books so if one was clever enough to swipe their father’s stash (or their mom’s stash), the only visualization of the sexual acts you were reading was whatever your mind could conjure up; other than word of mouth, there wasn’t much in the way of helpful information other than knowing what guys liked to do it and what guys didn’t or were too afraid to give it a shot.

There was almost always – and usually – that one moment when one boy would look at another boy and ask, “Have you ever done it with another boy?”  If the answer was yes, the next question would usually be, “Do you wanna do it?” and if the answer was no, um, the same question would be asked – and the answer could still be no… but sometimes it could be, “I don’t know…”

One might not have had any specific preferences when it came to doing it outside of wanting to do it out of that combination of raging hormones and the thrill of doing something that we all knew we weren’t supposed to be doing.

Today, guys have the “advantage” of being able to determine and decide what things they’d want to do once they get past that “Oh, shit!” moment – and thanks to the wealth of information the Internet can make available as well as an understanding of what gay men do when they do it to each other –  and deciding that doing just might be a good idea… but what to do?

And a lot of guys ask this question, believe it or not; it’s one thing to know what two guys could do to, for, and with each other, something else to figure out which of those things will turn out to be just what the doctor ordered.  It’s one thing to know that guys suck each other’s dick, another to imagine one’s self doing it and the same goes for having anal sex and even jerking each other off.

Guys ask this question of me and I’ve answered their question with a question:  What would you want to do?  Some guys would ask this question and it’s a rhetorical one – they already know what they wanna do but the question is more of a… confirmation of sorts so a conversation about what can be done begins and at a basic level:  Mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, all of the above, any combination of those things which could also include kissing and cuddling (or not).

Guys today are able to sort out their preferences before they ever do it for the first time; they’ve already decided that they’re going to be a top (the guy in the male-dominant sexual role) or a bottom (the guy in the female-submissive sexual role) and, yeah, sometimes, a guy will start out wanting to be in both roles and as he feels in the moment.

What gets… amusing is that some guys do, in fact, have an idea of what they want to experience… but will still ask what it’s like to do it, oh, like sucking dick, for example.  Now, you’d think this would be a no-brainer and more so for any guy who’d ever had his dick sucked by a woman and for some guys it is a no-brainer – just not for every guy.  Having your cock sucked is one thing… being the one doing the sucking a whole different thing and, of course, there’s the whole matter of what to do when the guy cums – swallow it, wear it, avoid it at all costs and by any means necessary.

Guys are well-versed about fucking coochie and you’d think that there wouldn’t be much of a disconnect about sticking their dick in a guy’s ass – and more so if they’d ever had anal sex with a women – but, again, there’s this perceived difference but the main thing about this is a sense of revulsion because, well, we know what that orifice’s main purpose is, don’t we?  On the receiving end of the high hard one, again, we see that knowing that guys get boned as being one thing… wholly different when you’re the one with the hankering to get boned because the other thing we know, even via word of mouth, is that, um, it can hurt going in.

True enough, some guys prepare themselves for this moment by using toys, from butt plugs to dildos to prostate stimulators and while this is all well and good, most guys find that while using toys can get them used to being penetrated, having the real thing in their butt is rather different; it’s one thing to do this to yourself, another when you’re not really in control of that moment and there’s a very horny guy on the other end of the dick that’s about to meet your acquaintance.

So we see that when it comes to deciding what to do, there are choices… but choices that aren’t always easy to make because along with all the things two guys can do, there’s also a laundry list of reasons why guys shouldn’t do any of them.  One major one is, “What if someone finds out I (add an M2M thing here)?”  Yes, there’s the whole “What if I catch something?” thing to consider but it’s nothing a case of condoms can’t take care of.

Guys find that it’s easy to sit back and think about all of this but to get to the point where one does those things they’ve been pondering just might provide some added “stress” to the list of things to stress about in this, up to and including wondering, even here in the 21st century, if doing whatever they’re thinking about is going to make them gay.

Yeah, guys back in the 1960s were worried about this, too, so that hasn’t changed a whole lot.  Sometimes I think that guys looking and/or waiting for their first experience tends to suffer from an informational overload – just too much information to process but it is important for a guy to process all of that information and to the best of their ability because one thing they may discover is that the best thing for them to do is…

Nothing.  Certainly, there are a lot of reasons for a guy not to give into the great urge to get out there and do something about what they’re thinking and feeling but it just doesn’t pay to dive in there without thinking things through and beginning with being able to imagine themselves all up into whatever they wanted to experience.

Which is a kind of lead-in to the next thing I’ll scribble about – and you’ll know it when you see it…