One of the phrases I often hear that gets me making faces or rolling my eyes are the many people who says this about their bisexuality: It’s not something I’d do all of the time. Many others seem to think that bisexuality is something that can be turned on and off at will and I’ve not been all that sure why they think this way other than, perhaps, it has something to do with it not being something they’d do all of the time.
Which is “silly” since taking a trip over to the other side really isn’t something someone – or even everyone – does all of the time; you do it when you want to and if you can. You’ve seen me write time and time again that bisexuals aren’t straight or gay exclusively so and that we really are straight… until we do something that’s considered to be gay. I think many bisexuals get caught up in that thinking is doing thing and if they’re not doing, their bisexuality is turned off but, um, how do you turn off your mind? Sure, you can tell yourself that you’re not going to think about it but, oddly, if you’re thinking about not thinking about it, you’re thinking about it – just not in the context of doing something about whatever it is that you’re not gonna think about.
Sometimes, it’s not something one would do all of the time because there are other things in one’s life that have to be taken care of and, yeah, that asshole Murphy just loves to take a good plan to do something and just trash the shit out of it. I remember talking to someone about this quite a few years ago and they were talking about how their bisexuality spends more time being off than on and I found this analogy to be puzzling because my bisexuality has been locked in the on position ever since it got flipped to that position; even when I’m not “being bisexual,” I’m still very much bisexual and, of course, “being bisexual” means getting some dick… because even when I’m getting pussy, that’s still me being bisexual and, yep, the straight part that a lot of people – and as I’ve said before – don’t seem to give much thought to.
I remember a woman telling me that I couldn’t be bisexual and just shut that shit down… and I wanted to know how that was even possible. Yes, I could not get some dick when I craved it… but even when I’m not getting any dick, I’m still bisexual and there’s only one way I know of to well and truly flip that switch to the off position and that way tends to be rather permanent, if you catch my drift. Someone else asked me if there was ever a time when I wasn’t thinking about it and I said that as far as I knew, nope since I know I have zero control over my brain’s ability to get me to thinking about something when I have “more important” things to think about or those moments when I’m focused on something and my brain sees fit to say, “You know, sucking some dick would be a nice thing right about now!”
Well, yeah, it would be… if I wasn’t doing what I was doing before you “rudely” interrupted me and thanks for that, by the way – now I have to regather my thoughts… asshole.
The thing that kinda “escapes” me is why there are so many people who firmly believe that bisexuality is all about doing and, seemingly, not understanding that a lot about bisexuality isn’t about doing: It’s about thinking and feeling. Indeed, I get to see a lot of guys talking about how their urge for dick comes and goes and some of them are of a mind that something must be wrong when, in fact, nothing is wrong; if you’re craving dick then you start craving pussy, well, yeah – your bisexuality is working just fine and not being able to get the dick you’re craving, well, sometimes you can’t… but it’s still in your head even when – and I’ll say generically, “most of the time,” when one gets that craving, they tend to go out of their way to not think about it… and like their brain is really going to let them do that and, yeah, when you’re thinking about all of the reasons why you shouldn’t and/or can’t get some the way you want to, you’re still thinking about it…
Because there is no off switch to bisexuality except that rather final switch flip. I tell others that I am all bisexual all of the time and it’s not just because of what I’m doing; it’s also how I think and how I feel and having people tell me that I shouldn’t think or feel this way is, at least to me, patently unrealistic since, um, this is how I’m thinking and feeling even when I’m not doing anything or even able to.
There’s a reason why a lot of bisexuals fervently wish that these thoughts and feelings would go away… and keep feeling some kind of way to learn that, nope – they’re not going anywhere. That switch got flipped to the on position and there’s no turning it off and it’s like a very wise woman once told me: There’s nothing you can do about the way you feel; you can only do something about what you do about those feelings. At the time, we were talking about being in love and our… penchant to always want to do something about being in love when situations might call for just accepting that this is how you feel and doing something about it might not be in anyone’s best interest… but what you feel doesn’t get switched off… and bisexuality is very much along these same lines.
You don’t have to do anything about it but, oh, yeah, it would be nice if or when you can, wouldn’t it? I maintain that anyone who spends their time finding reasons not to indulge in their bisexual urges are, in fact, thinking about them and are very aware of them and, I guess, because they’re not going to do something – or can’t – about those thoughts and feelings, their bisexuality switch should be in the off position… and it just doesn’t work like that.
There is no off switch. Indeed, a lot of people fight with themselves to keep that switch in the off position and some actually manage to keep it off, well, in the context of doing something but, again, if you’re thinking about what you’re not going to do, you’re still thinking about it and it just might be something that will keep coming back to “haunt” you or tempt you into doing whatever it is…
Or, in this context, having sex in a very nonprescribed way. I’m of a mind to think that because there’s no off switch, it’s part of the reason why so many bisexuals think that being bisexual is two different things; they compartmentalize it so they can think about one thing or the other and, as such, giving them that feeling that they’re living two different lives and, well, one of them is getting in the way of the other – and guess which one is giving them the most grief? They’d almost give anything to be able to flip their bisexual switch to the off position and get to feeling some kind of way to learn that they can’t turn it off; all they can do is to not to the things that they want to do… and doing their level best not to think about those things all that much.
I see bisexuals struggling with being bisexual and usually because it’s something they have to do something about and their situation might not be conducive to any doing. The urge to do something about it is pretty damned powerful and inexplicably so and, as such, one of the lessons one can learn is the one that says, “Just because you can do it doesn’t mean that you should do it or have to.” Even I’ll tell those who are fighting against the urge – and wishing they could super-glue that damned switch into the off position, “Think first… then act if you must or if you can.” But it seems to remain true that even when one can’t act – and resolves to not act – that switch is still very much in the on position and there’s no turning this off, well, until, um, you know.
Indeed, there are a lot of bisexuals who are quite proud that they can resist doing and will tell you that they don’t even think about it… but the human brain doesn’t work like that and more so when a lot of this seems to happen in the subconscious mind and how one can be happily going about their lives not having a conscious thought about being bisexual… then they have one and now they’re wondering, “Where did that come from?” I’ve seen some folks experience this and do all they can to locate – and shut down – the source of that thought… and, perhaps, not realizing a couple of things like, for one, it’s an “inside job” and for the other, a “job” being enacted by a part of our minds that we can’t access and, I’m sure, the part of our mind that’s responsible for making sure that switch never gets set to the off position.
I get to read so much about what others are saying about – and against – bisexuality… but few bother to mention this aspect as to why bisexuals are the way they are and the lunacy being offered up by those who think and believe that we shouldn’t be the way we are. We can control our actions and we’re pretty sure we have some command over what we think and feel… and find, more often than not, that that command is an illusion and that switch isn’t as “safely off” as even we think it should be and considering all things – and including the moral implications of being bisexual in the first place. It tends to fuck up a lot of people because we’re well aware of those moral implications… but there’s that something that got switched on telling us that those implications are, by and large, bullshit and very much in opposition to what we’re thinking and feeling and, you betcha, doing when and if it can be done.
Bisexuals find a way to live with that switch being locked into the on position… because, again, there’s only one real way for it to be switched off. The, ah, more enlightened of us understand that just because we want to do it doesn’t mean it’s always convenience or practical to do something about it… because it’s true that it’s something that none of us do “all of the time” although there are those of us who wish we could because, um, that shit feels pretty good and more so when a lot of it is… sex. I think that because we kinda inherently know that it can’t be switched off, we can go out of our way to deflect things in both thought and deed although, yeah, the thought part isn’t so easily done. We can think of a shitload of reasons not to act on what we’re thinking and feeling… but there aren’t many who gives a lot of thought of the reasons why they should do what they’re thinking and feeling and that’s understandable since we’re more than capable of thinking of reasons not to do a thing than there are reasons why we should do it.
For some, being switched on is a pain in the ass and definitely not in a good way. They find that, shit, if they’re doing their level best not to think about it, they’re still thinking about it and now it’s all about all of those reasons why they shouldn’t do what their mind and body are telling them to do… and sooner rather than later. It’s not just the sex but it’s also that emotional intimacy that bisexuality allows for that many find comforting and are content to experience in lieu of getting naked with someone and being, ah, very intimate with them… but it is nice to think about. Some folks get… disturbed over these thoughts and feeling invading their dreams and the reason why they do is that there’s really no off switch; once it’s switched on, it’s on for the duration.
Now it’s all about how one is going to comport themselves knowing they’ve been switched on. They might not be able to do anything about it but they can think and feel just the same and being told, “Don’t even think about that shit!” well, that doesn’t work and more so when we do insist that no one has the right to tell us what we’re allowed to think about… but they do try just the same. For a lot of bisexuals, methinks their energy would be better spent not fussing with themselves – or anyone else – because they’ve been switched on. Cityman always talks about finding a balance in this when what he should do – and what I think everyone should do – is to integrate bisexuality since it well and truly is part of the whole and a kind of proof that thinking and doing aren’t always the same things because, shit, if that were really true, I can’t begin to imagine the “trouble” I’d be in if I went on and did all of the bisexuality-related stuff that goes on in my head and at any given moment…
Because I don’t have an off switch and I don’t have one because there isn’t one… but many would be happy and even relieved if there was one that didn’t involve, well, yeah, that situation that ends… gravely. Many do “complain” that these thoughts and feelings, once they have them, just do not go away and they need them to do just that but, alas, they eventually come to terms with the fact that there is no off switch; not thinking about it is still thinking about it and telling yourself that you shouldn’t be having these thoughts, well, how’s that working and I ask because a lot of bisexuals find that they do have them just the same and get frustrated – more often than not – because they can’t do anything about them or they shouldn’t.
It’s not something I do all of the time but it is something I think about all of the time… because my bisexuality doesn’t have an off switch. There was a time when I tried to shove that switch to the off position and, um, ah, because I felt was I getting too carried away… and realized that even when I didn’t do anything, I was still thinking about it and feeling it. Shit. Just gotta find a way to live with that switch being flipped on and, sure, if I can do it, it’s gonna get done but if I can’t – or don’t feel like it – it is what it is… but that switch is still locked into the on position and I just learned not to let that factoid fuck with me because I am bisexual and there’s no arguing with myself about it. I got switched on and, truth be told, I’m not mad about that nor am I ashamed of it as as others believe I should be. I don’t argue it because, um, I know what I’ve done and what I will do given the opportunity to do so… but it’s also very much about what I think and feel.
I like being switched on because there’s great… comfortable to know that I am and, yeah, I’m not beyond thumbing my nose at those who believe I shouldn’t be. This is… me. Switched on and found a way to integrate it into my life and not think that it’s two different things or that, yeah, I can just turn it off because I learned that just because I can’t doen’t mean that I’m going to but, uh-huh, that I will is just me being the switched-on bisexual I’ve always been…
And I wouldn’t switch it off even if I could – where’s the fun in that? I accept that in this, I have no off switch, that even when I can’t or don’t want to do anything about it, I’m always thinking about it and loving how it makes me feel because to not love it means I don’t love myself… and I most certainly do love me some me and in a time where a lot of bisexuals are talking about embracing their bisexuality as a part of self-care, I’m totally on board with that and those who aren’t, well, think about how much better you’d feel about being bisexual and accepting that you got switched on and just being okay with it and, yeah, maybe even thumbing your nose at those who tell you that you have no business… being who and what you are or even thinking like this.
I think they’re just “mad” because as bisexuals, we can think, feel, and do some stuff that they can’t. We’re neither straight nor gay exclusively and that’s all about doing but in our thoughts? The way we feel? We just… are. Capable of going both ways if we can. Switched on and the switch is locked in place until that day when, well, you know. We can control what we do and there are many others who seek to be in control of what we might do… but there’s nothing anyone can do about our thoughts and feelings being switched on the way they are.
Because there is no off switch.