RSS

Tag Archives: Fellatio

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Managing the Fears

“Bill” and I had disengaged from the very heated 69 we’d been in and I felt like I had just run a marathon; he had admitted to jerking off before I arrived and that told me that getting him off again was going to take some work. Still, I had fun doing him; while I’ve never given a flying fuck about cock size, his was pretty average in length and girth which allowed me to wreak havoc upon him – and not just because his cock was “stupidly” easy to suck.

As we were cooling off, I almost laughed aloud thinking about him sucking me and, I thought, trying to show off. I had taken him deep and held him there for a few and, I dunno, I guess he felt he had to equal what I was doing… and then started making those sounds like he was about to barf. I would have pulled away… but he not only had a hold of my ass, he also had a finger in me and his gagging broke my mood for a moment but just as I was about to stop and tell him to not do that, he pulled back and took a moment to get his act back together before going back to sucking me. I’ve never been one to criticize someone who wanted to blow me but, yeah, I always wondered why some guys always tried to do something that would cause them a bit of distress.

“Man, you’re really good at this!” Bill said – and with a huge smile on his face.

“I do my best,” I said, opting to respond this way instead of the way I sometimes respond: I should be given how long I’ve been doing this. Yeah, it sounds… snarky but it’s the truth.

“Can ask you something?” he asked, making me give him a look because I’m thinking that we just got finished sucking each other off so asking if he could ask me a question was… redundant? Unnecessary?

“Sure,” I said, shifting in place to be more comfortable and to better make eye contact with him.

“Are you ever afraid of someone finding out that, um, that you do this?” he asked.

“I used to be back in the day,” I said. This was a legit and serious question and deserved a serious answer. “With so much hatred for gays, it was pretty scary to think that someone might mistake me for being gay and want to get violent with me. With the people I knew, getting with guys posed a problem because many of them knew my routine so to, say, see me somewhere I wouldn’t normally be might get them asking me questions I didn’t want to answer and more so when a lot of them had that same prejudice against gay men. Until, one day and when I was doing some heavy thinking about all of this and realized – and then decided – that being fearful of what someone else might say wasn’t worth raising my blood pressure because they’re gonna say whatever they have to say… and I’m going to ignore it because whatever I do about having sex isn’t any of their business.”

“Does your wife know?” he asked.

“She does,” I said; I didn’t see a point to get into the details around this so I just let it go at that.

“Man, you’re lucky – I am so afraid that I’ll get busted and my whole life will go down the toilet,” he said, shaking his head and looking worried.

“I guess I am since I don’t have that to worry about but there are other things to be aware of,” I said. “Too many guys out there who aren’t all that… decent and by that I mean being considerate about what they want to do and not being mindful of their health. It’s a constant concern and an ever-present risk we all take and, for me, this is more of a concern than someone bitching me out because I sucked a dick and doing all that preaching that I’ve not only heard before but don’t really care a lot about.”

“Were you scared the first time you did it?” he asked.

“Honestly? No, I wasn’t. I was more… curious than anything else,” I said, digging into my memories to recapture what I was feeling in that moment. “I can’t honestly say that I knew what was going to happen but I was excited to find out. It was… nice – and that’s the best way I can put it. The taste and feel of his dick in my mouth was indescribable since I had nothing to compare it to. Then he came in my mouth and I swallowed it – decided that it was better to do that to keep from choking on it although, in retrospect, I probably should have tried to spit it out but I didn’t. I wasn’t afraid but afterward? I was energized something fierce; I could still taste him and I could feel his sperm in my stomach and I didn’t really know what to make of all this but I knew I liked it.”

“Wow,” he said. “My first time was some scary shit. My friend had asked me to suck him and part of me wanted to and another part of me was very scared to. I remember saying no because someone might see us but when I think back to that moment, I kinda laugh because we were in the woods behind my house and in the tree fort me and my friends had built so there was no way anyone would see me doing this unless they climbed the ladder to get in the fort.”

“I understand,” I said. His was a story that I’d heard but in different “versions;” it was like a lot of guys had similar first times.

“I was so scared that I felt like I was going to piss on myself. My friend kept telling me to do it and I felt pressured and afraid but when he pulled my head toward his cock, I just opened my mouth. He was telling me what to do and the more I did it, the less afraid I was but I was still jumping at any sounds I heard – you know what I mean?”

“I do,” I said with a wry smile. “It’s like you get super hearing and hearing a fly fart makes you want to jump right out of your skin.”

“Exactly! I don’t know how long I was sucking his cock but the more I did it, the more I liked it. I was going right along and so focused on how it all felt when, the next thing I knew, I felt something shoot into my mouth; it was warm and kinda thick and salty but it tasted sweet but it didn’t taste all that good. I wanted to spit it out but he was holding my head and I couldn’t move so I did the only thing I could think of – I swallowed it.”

“I understand that, too,” I said.

“Then I threw it up,” he said with a bit of a laugh. “I at least had enough sense to rush over to the opening and throw up outside the fort. That left me feeling pretty yucky but when he asked me if I was okay, I realized that I was okay but now I was afraid that he was going to tell the rest of the guys about what I’d done.”

“Yeah, that was always a problem when I was growing up and more so when the wrong person would get told – and now I’m listening to a bunch of shit and getting ready to get into a fight,” I said, remembering all of the times when someone kissed and told.

“I just have a hard time dealing with my fears,” he said. “After that day, shit, not only did he tell the other guys, they wanted me to suck their cocks, too, and the bad part was that I was afraid to… and I wanted to. Hell, I remember us leaving the tree fort that day and I couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone who saw us walking down the street knew what we had been doing to each other.”

“It can make you paranoid like that,” I said. “It’s crazy because that’s how you’re feeling even though you also know that there’s no way that anyone looking at you would know what you did.”

“Right. I just don’t know how to deal with my fears. I was afraid to ask you if we could do this even though we did meet each other on a site for guys who want to do this. I just knew that everyone I knew would find out that I was looking to suck cock even though I knew I was in the clear today… but that fear has always stuck with me like stink on a skunk.”

He had me laughing when he said that but I knew what he meant all too well.

“How did you deal with it? I mean, I don’t get a sense that you have any fears about doing this,” he said.

“Like I said, I just figured out that it didn’t make sense for me to be afraid of something that I don’t have any control over,” I said. “People are going to think or say whatever and whether they’re right or dead wrong. I realized that, yeah, sometimes, I’m gonna have to explain myself but most of the time and when someone got in my face about it, I’d just neither confirm nor deny that I sucked that guy’s dick – then whatever else they had to say, I’d just tune them out. Also like I said, I have heard this shit so many times that I got tired of listening to it – so I stopped listening to it and that took away a lot of the fear I was carrying around. There’s reason to be… concerned but to be afraid? Didn’t make any sense. I go out of my way to avoid any situation that I think isn’t going to be a good one but sometimes you never know how a guy is going to behave once his dick gets hard… and now I might have to defend myself.”

“That doesn’t scare me and I’m not really fearful of such situations – I’m just aware that anything can happen and it’s on me to be able to deal with it… but letting fear run things is a bad idea since there are guys who smell fear on you and now they want to take greater advantage of it.”

“So I really shouldn’t be afraid – is that what you’re saying?” he asked.

“Yes… and no. Dealing with this and managing your fears is one of those things where you have to figure out how to do it. I told you how I did it but that might not work for you; everyone’s situation is different. I don’t have to worry about my wife giving me all holy hell and divorcing me; there are some who are close to me that know this about me and, if nothing else, they like to mess with me about it but in a good way. Everyone else? I don’t have the time or the patience to be worried or fearful about what they might have to say and if they wanna get violent about it, well, it’s gonna suck to be them. I had to deal with this shit growing up and I saw a lot of guys getting their asses kicked and the difference between me and them is that I really know how to fight and I will do whatever I gotta do to defend myself. As such, I’m not afraid… but I remain aware of things.”

“How you deal with your fears depends on a lot of stuff that only you know of. My sensei would always tell us that it’s okay to be afraid but to not let our fears control us and that we should use our fears. When he taught us about this, I admit that I had no idea what the hell he was talking about but, over time, it started to make sense because, on the whole, letting our fears control us just isn’t a good thing to do and no matter what you’re doing.”

“You’ve really thought this out, haven’t you?” he asked.

“Yeah, I have and I’ve probably thought too much about it – wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of overthinking stuff,” I said with a laugh. “But when you know about something, the more you know about it, the less fearful it is; the fear becomes… awareness because, as Murphy’s Law says, if it can go wrong, it will go wrong and instead of being fearful about this, you’re just aware that things could go sideways and especially if you don’t want or need it to. Awareness… but never fear. Takes a lot of energy to be worried about shit that, for the most part, is going to be beyond your control so when it comes to this, if you have reason not to do it, just don’t do it and if the other guy get’s pissy about it, well, you just gotta handle it – but not be afraid because you were aware that this could happen if you said no.”

“You have an interesting way of looking at this,” he said.

“I see it the way I do because I’ve been doing this for a very long time and I’ve learned a lot of shit,” I said. “I know that sucking a guy’s dick is some scary shit and that fear just brings on other fears so now you’re spending more time looking over your shoulders or being all jumpy when, I think, all that energy is better spent and used doing something you enjoy doing,” I said.

“I was afraid that you weren’t going to like how I sucked you,” he said.

“I can understand that since I used to have that fear, too, until I finally realized that the other guy not liking it is one of those things I don’t have any control over. I can only do the best I can do and if that’s not good enough for him, okay, at the least, I’ll file his displeasure away but the bottom line for me is did I get to suck dick? I did. I’m good with it even if he wasn’t. That’s on him but, yeah, because I know it can happen, I’m not afraid of it happening. And, yes, you did just fine until you tried to deep throat me.”

“Yeah, um, I wanted to try it with you,” he said – and he was actually blushing, too. “I just wanted it to be good for you, ya know?”

“I do know… and it was good so nothing to be afraid or worried about, right?” I asked. “Next time you try that, breathe through your nose and not your mouth – that helps a lot.”

“Let’s find out!” he said.

Well, um, let’s say that he did better the second time around but for me, shit, I kinda “hated” conversations like this because if we went for round two, my mind gets… distracted analyzing the conversation when I know I should be paying attention to what’s going on but, yep, I can’t help it; it’s just how my brain works. Yes, indeed – he did a good job sucking me until I came again and despite my thoughts distracting me, it didn’t stop me from wreaking havoc on his cock again and I’ll even admit to showing off when I took him deep… and stuffed his balls into my mouth, too. Had my jaw muscles aching something fierce but it was worth it since the moment I got his nuts out of my mouth, he came.

Good stuff. Afterward, we mostly talked about whether or not we could get together again some time and I said that I’d like it if we could – give me a call and let’s see what can be arranged. To be honest, I didn’t expect to hear from him again so I was a bit surprised when, three days later, he called me; not just to arrange a time and place to blow each other but to tell me that he was doing much better at not letting his fears get the best of him… and I was genuinely happy to hear this.

A lot of guys have a lot of fears about this. Some are imagined… but some of them are very damned real.. and a lot of them fall into the category of being beyond one’s control. You just never know when someone is going to confront you about this and because someone outed you or they got very suspicious and even intuitively knew that you’re not as straight as you appear to be. If you’re aware of it, sure, you can be concerned about it but not fearful. This reminds me of a saying I read: Don’t let your fears make you foolish. It took me a few to make sense of this, both in the context in which it was written but how this applies to how you go about your life. If you’re fearful, you’re not thinking and if you’re not thinking, yeah, being made to be foolish is something to be avoided at all costs. And in this, if you’re spending more time being afraid of things – and things that aren’t actually happening – then you’re not paying attention to what you’re doing and that leads to a less than satisfactory experience for everyone involved.

I know that I’m not always going to get or do it right… so I have no fears or worries about it. While I do take quite a bit of pride in my ability to give head, I can only do the best I can do and if I don’t get it right, yeah, that’s not good but all I can do is apologize and, if there’s a next time, do my best to do it better for them. But to be fearful about this or any of the associated things that are part and parcel of being a bi guy? Makes no sense. I really have better things to think about. And as another thing I read says, a life lived in fear is a life not worth living.

I don’t know if Bill got over all of his fears but I did notice when we were together, he was more confident about what he was going as well as being more comfortable with it. Going forward, man, I’d run into guys carrying around a great deal of fear and it would greatly inhibit them and make me wonder how a guy can have so many fears about something he wants to do and if it ever occurs to them that in order to be able to do it, getting rid of those fears or finding a way to manage them would make being able to do it a lot easier on them, well, where their thoughts about all of this is concerned.

It’s in our nature to fear the unknown but once we know a thing, we either continue to fear it for some reason or we stop being afraid of it; we have a measure of respect and awareness of it and that’s a better place to be than to, again, be constantly looking over our shoulders or jumping at noises or seeing shit in shadows that’s not really there. Or being bothered by that weird sense of paranoia that gets you thinking that everyone who lays eyes on you knows that you’re not as straight as you appear or is thought to be. We tend to project fear forward and in a way that can get us to believe that whatever we’re fearful of in this is always going to show up and cause problems when, in actuality, there’s always the potential for things to go south and something to be aware of because if it’s going to go south, you don’t have much in the way of control over situation and, yeah, the best way to not make this fear real is to… do nothing.

Not only do we tend to project our fears, we can also project those fears onto others, like how I can go on the forum and read guys losing their ever-loving minds as they insist that if you have casual sex with someone, you will be infected with something. Yeah, it’s possible; it’s something to be aware of but to be of a mind that this worst case situation will happen, well, I think that’s more irrational fear than anything else and more so when there are things you can do to prevent being infected and as simple as the price of a box of condoms. One guy gets to riffing about this and I don’t think such a guy gives any thought about how he’s infecting others with his fears and more so when chances are the other guys really don’t have a whole lot to be fearful about, not when they are able to set their fears aside and look at things without that fear getting in the way of clear thought… and making them foolish.

I get it. That used to be me, too, but before I sicced my intelligence on my fears and those fears got their asses kicked and/or put into perspective. I’m aware of a lot of the things that could go wrong trying to get some dick and getting my fix for it and I do my best to plan accordingly but, yeah, hope for the best, expect the worst… but without being fearful one way or the other.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 18 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Man, If I Was Gay…”

“…I’d let some dude blow me,” the acquaintance I was hanging out with said – and out of the blue.

My eyebrows crawled up into my braids in a flash and I had that “what did he just say” look on my face as my eyelids were blinking so fast it was like looking at him with a strobe light flashing. Prior to this, we had been talking about the NFL games played the day before and other “mundane” stuff and while sitting on my steps and doing some people watching.

As my eyebrows “returned” to their proper place and my eyelids settled down – all that strobing was making me dizzy – and while waiting for him to explain this abrupt and unexpected change of topic, I was wracking my brain to think of any time I’d heard – or had heard of – him making such a statement. In a way, I shouldn’t have been all that surprised because that year, 1977, was a whirlwind of guys deciding that having sex with a dude was the thing to do and more so when there was a pointed lack of pussy and guys would have a lady today… and not have one the next day.

The silence after his announcement was deafening and I mentally slapped my forehead to realize that he was waiting for me to say something about what he said so I said the first thing that came to mind:

“Who says you have to be gay to have that done?”

“Um, because that’s what gay dudes do,” he said and looking at me with a look that suggested that I might not have known this… or that wasn’t the response he was expecting.

“I know but that doesn’t mean you have to be gay; all you gotta do is want a guy to blow you,” I said.

“And how do you know that?” he asked.

“Because I know stuff,” I said, giving him a rather indignant look. “I’m smarter than the average bear!”

“And?” he prompted. Yeah, shit, how do I respond to this and should I?

“Okay, okay, I’ve had guys suck my dick… and I’m not gay,” I said, mentally crossing my fingers as well as feeling my flight or fight thing immediately jumping to standby mode. If this was gonna get ugly, I’d be ready for it.

“No shit? What was it like?” he asked – and making me relax a bit.

“Honestly? Better than the head I’ve gotten from women,” I said.

“Did they get you off?” he asked.

“They sure did,” I said. “And they swallowed it, too.”

“But they were gay, right?” he asked.

“Uh, no, not all of them were,” I said. “So, no – you don’t have to be gay to want or let a guy suck your dick; you just gotta want him to do it, you know, if you can get your head around it.”

He sat there for a long moment and I was feeling some… trepidation because I could almost guess what his next question was going to be but since I had already fessed up that guys had blown me, it was one of those “in for a penny, in for a pound” moment which also included how I was going to respond when he would eventually get around to asking The Question and flipping a mental coin over whether he was gonna ask The Question or not.

“So, um, so does that mean that you’ve sucked dick, too?” he asked and I gave myself a pat on the back for correctly guessing that he was gonna ask me that.

“Yeah, I have and before you ask, more than once or twice, okay?” I replied.

“But you’re not gay…” he said.

“Not even,” I answered. I’m kinda on pins and needles for a couple of reasons at this point in the conversation. I’m waiting for him to ask The Question while going through some shit in my head, not about how I was gonna answer it but whether or not I really wanted to suck his dick and if it would turn out to be a big mistake. On the one hand, it was one of those boring Monday afternoons; I’d been out that morning following up on the job applications I had put in and with that bit of business done, I didn’t have anything else pressing to take care of and, um, when I get bored, I want to have sex… but my inner voice of wisdom suggested that I not put the cart before the horse.

“Hmm,” he said. “What’s it like to suck a dude’s dick?”

Well, that wasn’t the question I was expecting so I had to switch gears; I spent maybe five minutes trying to answer his question and felt myself frowning – but not intentionally – because while I knew exactly what it was like, I was beginning to understand that I wasn’t all that good at explaining it other than it makes me feel good and it feels good to do it. As I stumbled through my answer, he just nodded to himself and staring at… something, which told me he was deep in thought and I was thinking – and kinda hoping – that he was thinking about how he was gonna ask me if I’d blow him. The horny bastard that lived in my head was starting to get excited over the prospect of getting his dick in my mouth while the “angel and part-time devil” who also lived there was reminding me that he was still an unknown element.

The neighborhood grapevine was a good one and better than most; if The Word – and about anything – got out on someone, it was pretty damned accurate and a quick search told me that I hadn’t heard anything about him where this was concerned; no rumors, no innuendos – nothing. I knew him… but I didn’t know him. Now, you might think that we were sitting there for a really long time waiting for the other shoe to drop – and it felt like it to me – but, in real time, we’d only been sitting there in this quiet moment for about a minute.

“Damn, man, that’s, ah, hmm, that’s something,” he said and breaking the silence. When he kinda shifted his position on the step and cleared his throat, I knew The Question was coming and I even took a moment to ask myself why I was so sure that he was going to ask it… and got a busy signal for an answer. Okay. He’s getting ready to ask it… but how I am going to answer it? I didn’t have some great urge to blow him but the horny bastard was poking me and reminding me that I didn’t have anything else do to so if he asks, just say yes, take him inside, and suck his dick. And he didn’t “disappoint.”

“So, um, um, let’s say that if I asked you to suck me off, you wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it, would you?” he asked.

Okay – The Question Before The Question.

“No, I wouldn’t,” I said. “I mean, why would I when I’ve told you that I’ve sucked dick before?” Jesus… stop dicking around and just ask me what you know you wanna ask me already! I actually hated this part, having to sit and wait for the guy to make up his mind to ask and, in many of the more recent situations, get up the nerve to ask it by dancing all around the matter to avoid just coming out and asking.

“Cool. So, ahem, so it wouldn’t matter if, let’s say, you sucked me off but I didn’t do the same to you?” he asked.

“It does but I’m used to that,” I said. “You don’t have to if you can’t but if you think you can, okay.”

“What if I did but I wasn’t, um, good at it?” he asked.

“I appreciate a guy who tries more than I do a guy who won’t try,” I said with a shrug. “If I’m still being honest – and I am – some of the best times when I’ve been sucked has been by guys who give it a try than those guys who were really good at it.”

“Oh. Okay, I see. So, um…” he began… and my patience had finally come to an end.

“If you’re gonna ask me if we can do this, the answer is yes: We can do this if you want to,” I said and trying to keep the irritation out of my voice while kicking my ass over the thought that I might not have succeeded at that. The horny bastard was losing its mind while the angel/part-time devil was rolling its eyes and reminding me that if this went wrong, don’t say I wasn’t told that it might.

He blinked and I had no idea what he was thinking about until he asked, “And it doesn’t mean that either of us is gay, right?”

“Right. It doesn’t. I know I’m not gay and I’m pretty sure you aren’t and, no, if we do this, I’m not gonna say anything to anyone about it,” I said. Well, that was a little white lie because I’d have to tell my wife because it was part of the agreement we made to have an open marriage – but he didn’t need to know that.

“Okay, cool, so (clearing his throat), if I wanted to do it now, that would be cool?” he asked.

“It would be; I’m here by myself for the day,” I said.

He just nodded. Now for part one of the moment of truth: Him saying that he wants to do it right now.

“I’m down… because, man, I haven’t busted a nut in a long time and, well, shit, I guess I’ve always wanted to give it a try, you know, if you really don’t mind?” he asked… and I had had enough of this pussy-footing and beating bushes to death.

“Come on in,” I said, getting to my feet and turning to open the screen door. I didn’t even bother to wait or see if he was going to follow me inside; either we were going to do this or we weren’t. I held the door for him without looking back at him but, yep, he was right behind me. I went to the living room, turned to look at him and pointed to the sofa to invite him to take a seat.

“So, uh, uh, what do we do now?” he asked.

“This,” I said. I sat next to him and went right to unfastening his pants and extracting his dick and, oh, my – did he have some dick or what? He wasn’t even hard but it wasn’t all that easy getting him out of his pants and I think he realized that because he raised up and slide his pants and underwear down. I looked at him with a look that said, “Last chance to change your mind!” and he just kinda nodded… and I fell on his dick like I was starving – well, after I gave his dick a good looking at to make sure he didn’t have any sores or anything like that on his dick and giving it a pump to make sure what came out of the head of his dick was crystal clear.

He gasped and even shuddered as I went for all of that dick in one gulp; I heard him say, “Oh, shit! Oh, shit!” as I buried my face in his crotch and the horny bastard was howling like crazy as I pulled back and started to suck him in earnest and with great intent. His dick tasted kinda soapy and salty; the hot and musky scent of him smelled clean and pleasantly “funky;” his dick was now fully hard and taking up space in my mouth but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle.

I’m working him over and the horny bastard is insane to see and hear him responding to what I was doing to him… right up until the moment he said the word I didn’t want to hear.

“Wait, wait – stop! Just stop for a moment!”

And I stopped, letting his dick fall out of my mouth and not being happy about having to stop. “Are you okay?” I heard myself ask.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay… but I wanna suck your dick, too!” he said.

I was out of my pants and underwear so fast that I didn’t remember getting rid of them. We got arranged on the sofa so we could suck each other and I went right back to sucking him but noticing that he was tentative about sucking me. He kissed the head of my dick and I heard him say, “Hmm,” about… something. He licked the head of my dick and his… inexperience was driving me crazy as he spent a few long seconds doing that before I heard him mutter, “Fuck it…” before he took more of me into his mouth and even tried to do to me what I was doing to him.

And the whole time, I am seriously trying not to bust my nut. As I tried to lose myself in sucking him, that part of my mind that is always clear, focused, and paying attention to everything was wondering what it was about inexperienced guys sucking me that made me want to cum – and in a hurry. I put it out of my mind – more like trying to put it on the back burner – so I could have my way with him. I sucked his dick deep over and over then switched to suck on his balls; I thought about giving his taint some rubbing but decided against it since that was too close to his asshole and he might not like that.

I was in my element; the horny bastard was laughing evilly inside my head and I was literally a few scant seconds from stopping what I was doing – and stopping him – so I could announced that I was gonna cum. So I stopped and told him I was about to cum and he stopped and said, “Me, too – go for it!” And I went for it like I was on a mission… because I was. I could feel his dick twitching in my mouth and that the twitching was happening faster and faster; just as I felt his cock swell, he groaned and really started fucking into my mouth – then he came… and, boy, did he ever!

I got caught in between thinking about how much cum he was shooting into my mouth and swallowing it as fast as I could… while trying to do that as I was cumming. I heard him kinda grunt and I don’t know how I somehow knew he was deciding if my spunk tasted good or not and I guess it “didn’t” because I couldn’t feel him swallowing… and I really didn’t give a fuck about that as I continued to vacuum all of the spunk he had left. So good. So damned good.

“Damn, man – like, shit, man, I don’t know what to say,” he said as we “basked in the afterglow” and all that.

“You’re okay, right?” I asked.

“Shit, yeah,” he said. “I couldn’t swallow your shit – sorry about that.”

“Don’t be – there’s a reason why they say it’s an acquired taste,” I said with a laugh.

“You sure as fucked acquired it,” he said with a laugh of his own. “Damn, that was better than some babe could do it!”

That was a sentiment that I’d heard before and had been hearing during this crazy time when I’d wind up sucking a guy and, I’d guessed, a guy who somehow got caught up in this crazy period of time where getting some dick was the thing to be doing.

“As long as you’re really okay,” I said as I idly played with his balls.

“Um, dude, if you keep doing that, something’s gonna happen again,” he said.

“I’m counting on it,” I said before shifting my position to take his soft dick into my mouth again.

“Oh, shit,” he groaned.

It didn’t matter to me that he wasn’t paying any attention to my dick; if he did, he did. What did matter was he was down for me sucking him off again. My hunger had been awakened and I had to feed it… and I feasted on his dick and gave him big props for being able to get it up again having cum already. I sucked. He fucked my mouth. He even went back to sucking me and, for a moment, I wasn’t even aware that he was until I heard those deliciously obscene slurping sounds south of where I was. It was like I couldn’t get enough of his dick into my mouth even after making it all disappear… to my delight and definitely his. I knew this was “second wind” time and it was going to take both of us a few to be able to cum again – if at all. I got lost in the moment; my whole world was his dick in my mouth and his mouth on mine – and noting that he was better at it this time than the first.

I don’t know how much time had passed before I came in his mouth – and he swallowed this time – and he wasn’t too far behind me before he emptied his balls into my mouth again. There wasn’t a whole lot of it – not like the first time – but that didn’t matter one bit as I milked him with my mouth until he got soft. I was both sated and satisfied and was now hoping that he was as well.

I sat up… and the room spun crazily for a moment and I could barely see him adjusting to sitting up as well. That moment passed for the both of us and I looked at him and asked, “Well?”

He sighed and seemed to be gathering his thoughts before finally saying, “That shit was good, man. Shit, you’re good! I didn’t think I could suck your dick but, fuck, it was like I had to – ya know what I mean?”

I just nodded and waited to hear what else he was gonna say – and trying not to look at his dick.

“I, um, I don’t feel gay at all,” he said and like he had had a problem saying it.

“You don’t feel gay because you know – and I know – that you aren’t,” I said. “Man, a lot of dudes around here have been sucking dick and getting sucked like it is going out of style; I don’t know what’s going on but, um, ah, I ain’t complaining too much about it, if you know what I mean.”

“I do now,” he said. “So now what?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You wanna do it again or…” he said, letting the rest of the sentence trail off.

“That’s on you,” I said. “I don’t know about you but I’m not sure I can get it up again!”

“I don’t think I can either – shit, you are seriously good at this shit,” he said.

I just smiled.

“So, um, ah, whatcha doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“I don’t have anything planned,” I said after thinking about what I had to do tomorrow.

“So (clearing his throat), if I stopped by tomorrow…?” he asked.

“If you do and you wanna go for it again, I’m good with that,” I said.

He just nodded and started looking around to see where his pants and underwear got to… and I was looking myself and puzzled because I couldn’t remember either of us getting rid of them… or how my pants wound up on the chair on the other side of the living room.

As he got ready to leave, his whole demeanor changed which had me worried for a moment because with some guys, it’s all fun and games until nuts gets busted and the guy has that thing I was calling “the moment of clarity” where they stop being horny… and start thinking about what just happened. I was a bit on edge but confident that if he was now gonna freak out, I could deal with it… because it wasn’t like I never had to.

“I learned something today,” he said. “Yeah, this is some gay-ass shit but you were right – you don’t have to be gay to do it. Like I said, I didn’t think I could do any of it and I was scared to do it, ya know?”

“Yeah, it is pretty scary the first time until you realize that there’s nothing to be scared about,” I said. “You did pretty good, too, and I’m not lying about that.”

“I had hoped so,” he said. “Man, sucking your dick felt pretty weird but it didn’t – did that make sense?”

“Yup; I don’t know why it happens like that but, yeah, the first time you do it? It feels so fucking weird but it doesn’t at the same time.”

He just nodded before telling me that he might see me tomorrow… but I was sure that I would. I didn’t know how I knew but I knew he was hooked and hooked on having his dick sucked by a guy if nothing else. Oh, yeah, he’d be here tomorrow and as sure as the sun rises in the east… and I’d be ready to give him more of the same and until he couldn’t take any more.

After he left, I went back out to sit on the steps to ponder how dudes getting some dick – and mysteriously “deciding” that I was the guy to see about that – but really because The Word had gotten out about me – and how many of those guys were, to me, more worried about “being gay” than anything else. I kinda understood why because everyone knew that this was what gay dudes did and being gay was still a bad thing to be… but that didn’t change the fact that for some unknown reason, there were a lot of dude in the neighborhood – and outside of it – who were now looking to have some kind of sex with another guy. I wasn’t sure if it was some kind of sign of the times or something more than that…

But I was okay with it since it made it easier to feed my need to suck dick… and a lot of them found that sucking my dick and tasting my spunk wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be… and it didn’t make them gay at all. I laughed to myself to think about how so many guys were of a mind that being gay was… contagious; if you did something with a guy, you would instantly turn into a gay dude. I was really laughing thinking about this and had my moment of mirth interrupted when I heard a guy ask, “Yo… what’s so funny, my man?”

I looked up… and saw one of the local dudes who had found out that sucking dick wasn’t that bad and immediately knew that if he was here, he didn’t stop by just to ask me what’s happening.

“Just thinking about something,” I said. “You wanna come in?”

“You know I do,” he said with a very knowing smile.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on 16 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Urge

Yep, right back to talking about sucking cock since a forum member wrote a post and looking for advice on how to deal with the urge and where the hell did it come from in the first place. Make yourself comfortable: This is gonna take a while to get out of my head.

Somewhere in our evolution as males, two guys “figured out” that they could have sex with each other and probably because way back then, men would go out on hunting parties that would last for days on end while the womenfolk stayed home and handled all of that. And, at some point, two guys found that if they put their mouths on each other’s cocks, well, damn! All of this, most likely, took place way before mankind created religion and given that the life expectancy way back then was pitifully short – whatever you were hunting as prey could easily make you their prey along with fatal accidents occurring – yeah, it made sense for “priorities” to be set and adhered to without exception and under pain of death since two males spilling their seed into each other wasn’t making any babies. Okay, fine. It is what it is and continues to be… but as males, we learned something and something that I believe – but cannot prove – became a part of our genetic memory or, as I’ve written before, just like that landmark experiment with flatworms.

The researchers taught a flatworm a trick and once the flatworm got it “down pat,” they chopped the poor thing up and fed it to other flatworms… and was floored to see that the other flatworms could do the trick that the original one was taught and as if they were doing it all along. We’re not flatworms… but this comparison makes the most sense to me; two guys learned it, taught other guys how to do it and, well, we all know how to do it and, importantly, I think, can have a very powerful urge to do it since much of it is also tied to our biological and hard-wired need to have sex and “sow” our seeds… and we don’t necessarily have to do that with women.

Move forward a whole lot of centuries. Gay men, those immoral heathens, were insisting that they were born this way and I had learned and “figured out” that they weren’t totally wrong about this even though they’d also insist that they had no choice in their sexual preference and orientation. I figured out that, if nothing else, we’re all born with the potential to not be so heterosexual in our sexual behaviors but you do have to choose what, if anything, you’re gonna do about the way you’re feeling. The gay men also had it wrong because some guys… get into dick and “being born this way” had nothing to do with it and the moral restrictions just get disregarded out of a sense of necessity. As such – and probably because it was a “trick” that’s a part of our genetic memory as males – a guy can either have the urge to suck cock or intelligently decide that sucking some dick just is what he needs to do – and no matter how or why he came to such an immoral conclusion.

The urge is and can be… pretty damned powerful. Not that easy for all men to ignore but a lot of men do… and a lot more men don’t and just can’t. Those who do not suck cock don’t always understand why (1) women would do that to begin with and (2) why men would want to given the forbidden nature of it. They mistakenly and, perhaps, “ignorantly,” don’t understand that while our morality about these things is what it is, it has never been able to stand up against human nature because if this was as true as they say it should be, um, there wouldn’t be men sucking each other’s dick and with glee and relish.

Lord only knows how many men I’ve come across who has been confused and befuddled over why they have this urge to do something that’s not supposed to be done. I learned, along the way, that there are… external issues that can come into play that just somehow makes all the sense in the world to find a guy, get the dicks out, and suck them until the cum flows… and then, if those guys experienced it, be even more confused and baffled because sucking that dick just felt right, normal, and natural… and 110% against the prohibition to do it.

You’ve seen me spend an inordinate amount of time trying to explain what I’m thinking and feeling when I’m sucking on a guy’s cock… and I am embarrassingly inept at it even though I know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling and, yes, I’m even thinking about the fact that I shouldn’t suck dick, let alone enjoy it any more than I should allow and enjoy another man sucking me… while knowing that, again, moral imperatives can and tend to lose when human nature “demands” that the rules should be kicked to the curb when that stupidly powerful urge to suck cock comes into existence – and, again, no matter what triggered the urge to begin with.

Some of us found out about this in our youth. Okay. Experimentation time. “Easily” explained but, eh, not so much since the classical explanation – raging hormones – don’t really get right down to the root. Moral conflict occur and either morality and the fear of great punishment and prejudice rules the day… or it doesn’t because for some damned reason, sucking dick makes sense or, as I like to say, it’s deliciously nasty and a lot of fun to do something that’s not to be done. Now, I’ve gotten all into that oral fixation thing that I also believe plays into this but where does this urge come from? Why is it that there are men who would rather jump into a volcano “suddenly” deciding that they need to suck cock? Now, whether they come (no puns yet) to like the shit out of it or not depends on some stuff but many a newbie who has sucked my dick – and despite that moral prohibition being planted deep in the minds – has said that they knew they weren’t supposed to do it… but they had to and, nope, didn’t understand why and, well, sorry dude – I don’t understand it either and I’ve, um, I’ve sucked a few dicks in my time.

I used to say that no man wakes up one morning and decides that today is a good day to suck a dick… and I had to admit that I was wrong about that and, worse, I didn’t know what made me wrong in my early assessment but, yep, I was wrong about that and now I had to rethink all of this and, in those early days, I was coming (still no puns) up with more questions than I was finding the answers to although I was seeing where differing kinds of emotional stress could pile up on a guy to make him say that, you know, today is a good day to find out what this dick sucking thing is between men.

I’d wind up saying and confessing that I really don’t know where this damned urge comes from… but I know it exists and it is very damned real; it wasn’t all that “hard” (still no puns) to intuit that if I knew this urge was constantly kicking my ass, there was no way that I was the only guy in existence who were trying to deal with it whenever it showed up for them. Guys ask why is it so damned satisfying to suck cock and swallow cum… and I know why… but I don’t know why… and I do know that it is very damned satisfying. Oral fixation can explain some or a lot of it but, nah, not completely but it always “suffices” to say that despite it being immoral, sucking dick and swallowing semen feels good… because it’s supposed to and the urge to do it just is what it is and now it’s all comes (yeah, you know) down to whether a guy is going to give into the urge or ignore it. For men who have the urge but haven’t been able to “answer the call,” many of them speak to how utter frustration it is to not be able to suck cock and especially married men.

One such guy told me, “Man, this shit is eating me alive inside!” and I felt so sorry for him but I also understood exactly what he meant; the urge to suck cock is powerful and almost beyond belief but being the ever-curious person I’ve always been, trying to get to the root and that thing or things that, when observed, explains it once and for all has been, um, not easy but since I felt that wanting to have sex with a man is just a part of the nature of the beast – being male and human – well, it’s the only thing that makes sense, well, to me and the only thing standing between giving into the urge is… our morality, which is also “strong with The Force” and can make the most eager cocksucker-to-be sit on the porch and do nothing… and get eaten alive by it one tiny piece at a time.

Then it gets worse because the urge can never really be satisfied. Guys suck cock for the first time and now they find themselves dealing with an even greater urge: Suck more dick. Don’t let anything stop you from sucking more dick. Any dick will do. Guys have asked me about this and I have told them, “I have no idea why this is… I just know it is.” That’s the short version and even a little white lie because I have a fair to middling idea why it is so damned compelling but, yeah, it’s just too much brain power trying to make total sense of it, let alone explain it – and as I’m doing here – without sound like I’ve lost whatever mind I have or had.

The people who’d hate on us because we suck cock, well, they don’t get it. Again, they firmly believe that the tenets of our morality should be proof against such urges and I’m thinking they really need to wake up and get to snorting the coffee because, obviously, it ain’t working and it’s never worked. I have opined that this prohibition was put in place to stop a behavior that was “running rampant” in the first place; to me, it just didn’t make sense that our morality was written the way it was to stop or prevent something from potentially happening, you know, like heading something off at the pass. No: It was written to stop men from having any kind of sex with each other because it wasn’t making babies – and I’ve read a lot of stuff written by experts in the field that supports my “theory” of why our morality says what it does about it.

The urge just is. It either shows up in our youth – that “I was born this way” thing – or there are other life events that happens to, literally, wakes the “sleeping giant” that just lives inside of us. A guy says, “I know I wouldn’t like doing that!” and, okay, how do you know you wouldn’t? Oh, that’s right: You were told not to ever do it or like it. But then and for some reason, they wind up doing it and, holy shit: Why didn’t I do this before now? A lot of guys experience some “culture shock” because they just found out that all that shit they were told about this – and believed – wasn’t quite right. All that noise about such things being abnormal sexual behavior was also not all that right and as evidenced by the many men I personally heard say that suck my dick felt… normal and natural.

Well, now – one of those things can’t be right… and I’ve been of a mind that it’s our morality that isn’t right. I understand – or I think I do – why our morality is the way it is about this but, again, even I learned that human nature has a hell of a lot more power than our morality can bring to bear. It reminds me of the old joke where a woman somehow wound up being naked and one guy says to the other not to look because if he does, he’s going to be blinded… and the other guy says that he’d risk one eye. And very likely because he can’t not look… so it kinda stands to “reason” that a guy being hammered by the urge does reason that it’s worth the risk and punishments that are attached and promised – and carried out in some cultures – to give into the urge and suck cock and acquire the taste.

Because it feels pretty damned good to do that. Many men – and myself included – find it to be horribly satisfying and more intimate than having that cock in our backside. Oral fixation? Probably… but maybe not the “whole answer” of why giving into the urge feels as good as it does and, yeah, provided there’s no external drama spoiling things. I’ve learned that the urge can be so bothersome that we wind up jumping through a lot of hoops and concocting some stuff that, at the individual level, justifies giving into the urge even when so many of us have no idea why we get it in the first place. You either give into it or you don’t. It’s either the greatest sexual thing you’ve ever done or it isn’t. The urge seems to… fuck with some men in that they might experience it for the first time, just flat out hated it and have vowed to never do it again and the urge seems to go away… then it returns and its return ain’t even mild or timid and it really does tend to fuck some guys up and in some not-so-interesting ways… unless you happen to be like me and sitting back taking copious notes.

As you can see, the urge is very real and very damned powerful… and I can’t really explain why it is – I just know that it is. I feel it even as I’m writing this. I know/knew a lot of guys who have been bitch-slapped by it and, yeah, seemingly out of nowhere and if they wound up sucking dick, getting even more bitch-slapped by a lot of other things on top of, shit, that made me feel so goddamned good… and it wasn’t supposed to… but it did. What the fuck is going on with this shit?

I dunno. I just know that it is. It’s a part of us that gets awakened early on or lies dormant and waiting for something to happen that provides the wakeup call. Sometimes, it never gets awakened and, nope, no idea why it doesn’t but a lot of men just never get a whiff of the urge and maybe, for them, the moral prohibitions do serve to keep human nature at bay. I’m just the cocksucking bi guy who’ll tell you that not all men are immune to this… and I greatly expect that not all women are immune to the urge to be that intimate with other women since, um, way back in the day, one woman said to another, “You wanna do something cool? Lie down and let me show you something…” and that’s just as much a part of female genetic memory as the urge men get to get some dick but in any of this, it’s all about having reasons or other causes because accepting that it’s a part of our nature is a bit much to swallow (okay, pun intended this time). It is too much like right; it’s too “simple” an answer because there just has to be some other reason why I’d gleefully want to take another man’s dick in my mouth and work it over until he cums… then swallow it.

And I honesty believe that there is no other reason. The morality gets shoved to the side because the urge “demands” it. Human nature’s version of, “Do it, or else!” and the “else,” for many men, is having to go through a lot of mental effort to keep warding off the urge. A lot men who feel it really do want it to go away and leave them the hell alone… only to be told – and to find out – that, nope, it’s not going anywhere and it’s “content” to sit back in the cut and wait for its moment to bitch-slap the hell of out them and get them sucking dick. Why? Still don’t know why and I’ll never find out…

I just know two things. It’s real and it is powerful and hard to resist. Giving into it – even as an experiment – will either give it more power or, bleh, tried it and it was okay or it wasn’t – keep it moving but even in some of these guys, they will grudgingly admit that the urge to do it again is hiding out in the back of their minds and poking at them to find a dick and suck it and the sooner, the better. So disturbingly right in its wrongness. Makes the guys who said they’d never do it do a lot of backpedaling because they did it and trying to convince themselves that they didn’t like it while knowing that they did or trying to downplay the fact that they liked the shit out of it. Blame it on the alcohol. Being “weak” to have given into the urge.

Unwilling to accept that the urge to suck cock is deeply imbedded in us because way back when, two men figured this out and other men learned this “trick,” too. In modern times, consider to be a gay thing to do and, if you wanna be “technical” about it, sure – it’s a gay thing… but not all men who suck cock are gay, are they? So much for gay men owning this 100%, huh?

Sigh. We – men – suck cock because we see reason to and the urge just wakes up – on its own or is made to wake up – and whispers in our “ear,” “You need to suck cock. Do it as soon as you can make it happen and the sooner the better.” Hey, Billy – you wanna do something cool? Lemme see your dick and I’ll show you!” And I will never know why this is beyond what I think I know about the urge…

And understanding that I could be wrong… and that I might not be.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 15 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: I’m a Guy…

…who sucks dick. To many, this makes me one of the worst human beings born to have such an immoral and perverted interest in doing this. I write about this a lot because, for one, it’s the most popular thing guys like to do and have done; for another, it’s the one thing that gives guys “the creeps” about doing – it’s one thing to think about it, something else to do it; and for another, it tends to make some guys a bit paranoid because you just get that feeling that everyone who looks at you knows you suck dick…

And then, coming to terms with yourself about that. As you may know, “cocksucker” has long been a very derogatory epitaph that gets used like a knife to hurt someone’s feelings as well as it’s use to give someone “da bizness” and whether the subject of the ribbing is a cocksucker or not and, of course, inanimate objects can get called this when they don’t play nice with us when we’re trying to use them.

If there’s someone who doesn’t know that this is a gay thing to do, chances are they’ve been living in a cave somewhere; there’s no detaching the association to the orientation label – it just is what it is and even for bisexual guys. We’re not gay… until we do something that is. Okay. Just a matter of fact even though it’s a matter of fact that a lot of people are content to ignore because, I guess, it’s too much like work to pay attention or acknowledge the differences between bisexuality and homosexuality. If you’re a guy and you suck cock, you must be gay since everyone knows this is what gay men do.

And that’s true, for the most part and I put it that way because I knew some gay men who wouldn’t suck a dick if you paid them to do it. It’s a personal preference and that acquired taste thing and not totally about sperm but all about being weirded out having another dude’s dick in your mouth. The people who don’t understand these things all that well aren’t aware of these nuances… but for those of us who have reason to be aware of these things, I continue to find it curious that here in 2021, some of us can get to feeling some kind of way to be a practitioner of a form of sex that’s associated firmly with homosexuality.

Doing it is kinda easier that admitting to one’s self that, yeah, I’m a cocksucker. Harder for some than it is to admit that, yeah, I did it and, um, wow, um, I liked doing it and (wait for it) it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Accepting that you now resemble the word used to bash people (and even in a playful way) isn’t automatic. Indeed, a lot of guys don’t even think of themselves in those terms until someone calls them a cocksucker and something in the back of their minds says, “Yeah, you are a cocksucker…” and either this confirmation doesn’t bother them or it suddenly does.

I’d guess that the people who don’t know (or care) about the details of these things just assume that if you’re male and you suck cock, you do it and it’s never a big deal and, yeah, all you do is run around sucking every dick you can put eyes on. Not the truth of things all that much but the ever-present and ongoing social angst against all things homosexual just gets lodged in one’s mind and shaking it out can take a lot of mental effort so that you can say to yourself, “I’m a cocksucker… and that doesn’t bother me one bit!”

Of course, the real problem is that it does bother a lot of other people. Hell, even women – and they are traditionally the ones to suck dick and they are the sole owners of this – get to feeling some kind of way when someone gives them shit about the number of dicks they suck or how many times they do it over any specified period of time… and in either case, all this crap comes from people who have never sucked a dick as well as from those who tried it and found it not to their liking… but that doesn’t stop them from tossing some sour grapes into the mix and continuing the perception that being a cocksucker is a very bad thing.

Those of us who suck cock knows that it’s not a bad thing to do… unless whomever we’re sucking makes it a bad thing. Like a lot of bisexual men, shit, I’ve been subjected to a lot of ignorance on someone’s part and being preached to about being an avid fan of fellatio. The bad part, for me, isn’t listening to a bunch of shit that I’ve heard more times than I care to think about: It’s how… stupid some people can be about it. Once again, we are told how to have sex and who we are allowed to have sex with… and we believe that so when those believers come across someone who just fucks up their notion of how sex is supposed to be – and that would be someone like me – I dunno… I guess they get stuck on stupid and start talking about how morally wrong it is and talk some more about how they don’t believe in that and they’d never do such a thing…

And as if because they wouldn’t do it, no one should. Now, um, if they were truly as smart as they think they are, they’d know that there are men who suck cock and, yes, a lot of them are gay but it also stands to reason that there must be something about given the number of men who are, in fact and in deed, cocksuckers… and all of those men can’t possibly be wrong about it. I’ve pointed this out to detractors and, yep, it’s “Yeah, but…” time and with the “but” just the same old tired rhetoric about how men aren’t supposed to be doing that and not even recognizing the fact that it’s being done anyway. Our morality, as it seems to have turned out, has turned us into some pretty clueless people to keep making us believe that just because it’s said that sucking another man’s cock should not be done, um, it ain’t ever gonna happen.

It’s a bit of an aside but I very much remember the day my father told me to never put my mouth on a girl’s pussy. That, for me, was an epic and life-changing moment since, right after he told me this, I went out and put my mouth on a girl’s pussy since he declined to tell me why I shouldn’t do that. Almost a week later, my mother took me aside and told me to never let a girl “put her mouth on you down there” and, to me, it was actually funny because while I lied my ass off and told her that I wouldn’t let that happen, it was a matter of that train already leaving the station because “quite a few” boys and girls had had their mouth on me “down there” and as far as boys were concerned, well, dear mother, what you don’t know ain’t gonna hurt you… but I wouldn’t have been surprised if she already knew that about me because, well, you know how mothers are. Anyway, I digress.

Even though us guys have to content with the bullshit being thrown all over the place about being male and a cocksucker, all this riffing can mess with a guy’s mind and, as I’ve said, can induce a bit of paranoia to things, from worrying about someone finding out to even questioning if they’re really gay and some other stuff that can make accepting and being comfortable with themselves a bit difficult, to put it that way. I remember getting into it with a guy over some shit that hopped off and he called me a cocksucker and instead of getting bent out of shape about it, I said, “Hmph – you say that like it’s a bad thing…” It had the effect of shutting him down and, might I say, hilariously so as he stood there blinking rapidly and, to me, not unlike that little hard drive light on computers as they process information… and I’d just given him something to process. Of course, once he recovered, insisted that it was which led to me saying that it can’t be that bad of a thing given the number of men who are out there sucking dick and having a fun good time doing it. That got him stuck on stupid as well and I admit to having a great deal of fun fucking with him about it…

Because that’s what you get when you start messing with something you don’t know a damned thing about… and, yeah, I can be evil like that at times. Okay, I’m a cocksucker – so what? I think I’m very good at it and I’ve never heard any major complaints from the guys I’ve sucked but if they had any, I never heard about it. I am, in fact, not gay so being male and a cocksucker isn’t the exclusive domain owned by gay men and no more than cocksucking is solely owned by women. The thing is that, strangely, one can understand this but that might not make accepting being a cocksucker any easier. This is a “Yeah, but…” thing even for us because it’s not that we don’t know or eventually learn this but it’s a “different” thing when the cocksucker we’re thinking about is ourselves.

Seriously, even I had a moment with myself about this very same thing and I gotta tell you that, when it was all said and done inside my head, I felt pretty silly for even being worried about being a cocksucker. That logically cold and blunt part of my mind said, “You suck dick and you’ve sucked a lot of dicks so that makes you a cocksucker. Get over it and yourself and stop worrying about the dumb shit already!” I think that all of us male cocksuckers go through this at some point and it’s kind of “messed up” because actually sucking cock isn’t the thing that bothers us all that much:

It’s the people who’d give us shit about it. It’s the people who will spew all that tired-assed religious rhetoric and dogma about what we’re not supposed to even when, um, duh, they know it’s being done just the same, you perverted heathen – you’re gonna burn in hell for your sin! It’s also the way our own minds will fuck with us and, again, make us paranoid because, yeah, you really do get the impression that once you suck a dick, everyone will know that you did… and I’ll be damned if I know where that comes from or how it works. Indeed, a lot of guys have issues accepting that they’re a cocksucker or want to be one because they have it firmly in their mind that someone (and other than the guy who got sucked) is going to find out right after it happened. The reality that somehow gets overlooked in these moments of paranoia is that unless you or the other guys talks about it or, shit, you got caught in the act or seen coming out of a motel room with some guy, um, who’s gonna know that you sucked a dick?

Yeah, I’ve told guys that should they suck a dick, they might not want to kiss someone immediately afterward because no matter how much you wash your face or partake of mouthwash, the scent is going to hang around for a few because it gets into your skin… and those of us who eat pussy should, I think, know about this all too well. Absent these exceptions, making and letting this kind of stuff get in the way of accepting the fact that you’re a bona fide cocksucker, at some point, doesn’t make a lot of sense… but there are a lot of guys who do manage to convince themselves that just because they suck dick, it doesn’t “really” make them a cocksucker.

And you gotta know that I am not kidding about that. A lot of the mental damage some of us wind up having to deal with because we suck dick doesn’t always come from the guy whose dick we had fun sucking: We can tend to kick our own asses over it and, believe it or not, that’s actually pretty much par for the course… because there isn’t a male cocksucker anywhere in the world who doesn’t know that we’re not supposed to it. Ever. Shit… even I have admitted here many times that I’ve been happily sucking a dick and hear that voice in my head raising all kinds of hell and reminding me that I should not be doing this. Yeah, I know I shouldn’t… but I am so shut the fuck up and leave me alone – I’m busy trying to get this guy to cum.

That “constant reminder” also makes accepting the cocksucker label a difficult thing for guys to to. And, yes, some guys worry about this and excessively so and I know that because I did it, too. Feel pretty stupid because I did. The shoe fit. I was quacking like a duck. I was the droid I didn’t think I really was. You can’t imagine how silly I’d feel to be sucking a dick and while I’m doing it, I’m denying that I’m a cocksucker, well, that part of my mind that got hammered by the social conditioning is making me deny it. I’m a cocksucker. Deal with it. Get over it. It wasn’t easy for me to get this squared away in my head and, as such, it stands to reason that there are other guys who find this a difficult thing to deal with.

Of course, there are guys that get hit with this “revelation” and it gets kicked to the curb quick, fast, and in a hurry but, still, calling them a cocksucker is still in bad taste and subject to retribution… but in their head, yep, they’re okay with being a cocksucker. By the way, have I ever mentioned how funny guys are about this? We are, like, I’m a cocksucker… but don’t you dare call me one even if we’re joking around. Many of us, in this situation, tend to get highly offended… and I want you all to think about that for a moment or two. Some of us are… snarky enough to handle this in ways that aren’t really that novel… but it’s sure fun to fuck with someone. A guy calls me a cocksucker… and I’ve asked them, “Are you asking?”

My, my; the reactions to such a comeback have been epic… and as funny as anything can be. I don’t know about other guys but I’m thinking that if you hurl that insult at me, it’s only “fair” for me to hurl one right back at you like saying, “Hmm, I didn’t know you were into that – who knew?” or, one of my favorites, “Get over yourself – you’re not that interesting…” and the next one is, “If I am, I’m a damned good one… but you’ll never find out how good I might be!”

I’ll be here all week – don’t order the fish. That’s easy for me because I know and accept that I’m a cocksucker. No escaping the facts of the matter. No guilt or self-induced angst over it. Don’t much give a fuck who can’t deal with me being a cocksucker and there ain’t shit they can do about it because, clearly, I know some shit about sex that you don’t know and you don’t “know” it because you believe that shit they told you about not doing it. It takes a bit of effort to get to and past that self-acceptance point so that, if you wanted to, fuck with people the way I don’t mind doing or, absent that, when someone calls you – or accuses you of being – a cocksucker, it just doesn’t bother you one bit and you can even give them that “whatever” look that tells the other person that you kinda/sorta don’t give a shit about what they have to say about it.

We know that there are people out there who are prejudiced against male cocksuckers. However, knowing this, in my very humble opinion, shouldn’t make it hard for us to accept that, yep, we suck dick and that makes us a cocksucker and that applies to the man men who haven’t sucked a dick but they really and surely want to. Yet it does. And those who are having a hard time accepting this about themselves are now tasked with figuring out what they’re gonna have to do to accept that, yeah, buddy: You’re a cocksucker.

Most of the angst we have about being cocksuckers doesn’t really come from external sources all that much; we can and do make ourselves insane over it because there is a conflict in place between that “thing” in our head known as our moral compass… and then there’s the sure and certain fact that, uh-huh, we’ve sucked dick. And knowing it isn’t quite the same as accepting it and as I like to say about such things, the psychology is fascinating because what goes on about this isn’t as much about disobeying social norms as it is what goes on inside our head and what we tell ourselves in order to be comfortable, like some guys who have sex with men and women… but they’re not bisexual… but they know they are.

Time to think about something else to write…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 8 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Oh, So Exciting

I got to thinking about this… and I’m not sure what provoked the thought but one moment I’m listening to the weather on TV and the next I’m thinking that it is oh, so exciting to break a whole bunch of rules and to take a guy’s cock into my mouth and get him begging for someone to save him.

Sometimes, being a bad boy is a good thing. Sometimes, hearing that “voice” in my head screaming at me about how I’m not supposed to be doing that, let alone enjoying the hell of out of it – and then totally ignoring it can be so exciting and orgasmically so. My thoughts migrated to the many times when I’ve had someone ask me just what the hell do I get out of sucking a guy’s dick and trying to boil it down to something that’s easy to explain like the classic, “It feels good…” but with the addition of the fact that to willfully do a thing that I’m not supposed to do – or enjoy – is just so exciting.

Yeah… those of you who suck dick (or eats pussy) knows exactly what I’m talking about. Yeah, it can be a chore at times or one of those things you’d like to hurry up and get it done and over with and, on the surface, doing it doesn’t really make it any less exciting once you’re able to shut off the voices in your head and get into what you’re doing. One of the things I quickly learned growing up that doing this with other guys was such scary good fun… because we weren’t supposed to do it. Being bad. Naughty. A “nasty critter,” as Cityman likes to say about it. Can feel “disturbingly good” to be bad.

The “problem” always comes (no pun intended yet) when trying to explain this to someone and even more so when the question comes up (no, not yet) about what I get out of it. I get… excited. Can’t really think of another word that can lend itself to a deeper explanation. I can go from not even thinking about it to highly excited about getting ready to do it and faster than I can think about it; going from, “Well, if that’s what you want…” to “Damn, this is feeling seriously good to me!” is… exciting. There’s always that bit of an ego trip to go on, that battle of wills taking place because he wants me to make him cum while trying to hold off from doing that as long as possible… and that “evil” thought and feeling knowing that he’s going to be at my mercy and I’m the one who gets to decide when he can or should cum.

Not quite sure how a male cocksucker can’t be excited about any of that. I’ve never really understood why we depend on the other person to get us excited to blow them, you know, like being attracted to them or falling in line with preferences and other such things when, at least for myself, knowing that I’m a few seconds away from wrapping my mouth around his cock is pretty damned exciting and no matter what I might have been thinking about before the fact… or what I might be thinking after the fact. It’s sucking dick and something that’s still highly prohibited and immoral… and that alone can make it oh, so exciting and all you really need is for a guy to want you to do it.

Oh, and despite the opinion of some, it is sex. Mouth being penetrated by hard cock. Gives me chills just thinking about it because it is exciting and because it’s about as naughty as it gets… do you really need some other reason? Sure… there’s always that guy who you’d never blow even if his life – or yours – depended on it happening but that bit of common sense doesn’t make the thought of it any less exciting even when erring on the side of caution and all that. Still, I’ve learned that doing this falls into certain… categories. There are those who do it because they’re expected to or it’s obligatory; then there are those who like doing it but they’ll tell you that they can take it or leave it or are otherwise indifferent about it. Then there are those who love the shit out of doing it and you’d have to be some kind of fucked up to put a dent in their love of taking cock into mouth and enticing him to give up his seed and not letting a single dollop of it “go to waste.”

If ya don’t find that exciting, perhaps you should check to see if you still have a pulse. I find that a lot of guys will sit back and think of every reason they can why they shouldn’t suck that dick but not consider that it’s so exciting to suck a guy’s cock that this, all by itself, is more often than not all the reason why they should suck that dick and just be a very bad boy and enjoy the fuck out of doing it. I know some guys get… jaded. Disillusioned. Stuff like that there. They convince themselves that, nah, it’s not as exciting as they thought it was or as it used to be. They get… funny about it. Seriously specific and conditional. There’s being careful and then there’s just plain old being scared. The truth I had to understand about myself is that I’ve turned down more offer to suck cock than I have actually done it… and I’ve done it a lot but having reason to turn down the offer didn’t make it any less exciting to think about what circumstances didn’t allow to happen.

Because being a bad boy is still pretty exciting. Taking this long-standing rule and edict and thumbing your nose at it and giving it the finger at the same time. Being that bold and daring and not giving much of a flying fuck about the shit others will give you because sucking a guy’s dick is damned exciting. Or, as I’ve told other guys, “You’re just pissed because I can do something you can’t do.” Well, it’s probably more accurate that I can do something they believe they’re not supposed to get into but that’s not my problem… because I find it oh, so exciting just the same.

Yeah, a lot of guys get into nitpicking this to the nth degree and to suggest to them that, yep, it’s pretty exciting to be a bad boy can get them to do the, “Yeah, but…” thing. I get that because it is what it is for some guys… I’m just and have never been one of those guys. Oh, yeah – I did some serious nitpicking and I think that’s kinda unavoidable but unlike some guys I know of, I put an end to it by being honest with myself. I just don’t suck cock because I can; I do it because it’s exciting and, yep, it’s sex. I don’t bullshit myself about it nor do I sugar-coat or baby my sensibilities about it. Doesn’t get any more exciting getting him to that moment where he’s about to give up the nut… and shoving him right over the edge and whether he’s ready to get pushed over or not. Hearing the sounds coming from him; feeling his cock pulsing in your mouth. Yeah, that. Exciting to be “so bad” to get excited over it. And even more so when he’s looking at me like I just tried to kill him… which might not be that far from “the truth” in that it’s exciting to get him so excited that he does something that’s… exciting.

And then remaining excited about it even though he just might be giving you second thoughts about blowing him. Not always easy to do but as simple as asking myself a question: While I was doing it, was I having fun and was it exciting? Nine times out of ten the answer is, “Yes! It sure the fuck was… well, until he fucked it up.” Occupational hazard; if you can’t accept that it is, well, not sure what to tell you.

A guy asked if I’d ever sucked a guy and wound up cumming while doing it and the answer is, yep, that’s happened but instead of feeling badly about it, wow, that made it even more exciting, well, um, once I was able to realize that getting pissy about that happening didn’t really make a lot of sense since, as I understood it, um, doing this unthinkable thing is supposed to be exciting and if you can’t hold it, then don’t and then learn to not let that motherfucking refractionary period stop the excitement from continuing if/when there’s something he needs to do to make the excitement complete and satisfying.

Another guy asked me if I feel bad over loving it so much and I allowed that, once upon a time, I did, you know, because it was a very bad and nasty thing to do right out of the gate but I also allowed that when you’ve sucked as much dick as I have, I just don’t see the sense or reason to feel bad about doing something that I wanted to do. Because, duh, if I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have done it. Of all the stuff I hear other guys saying about this, I rarely hear them say how exciting it is for them to do it and using that exact word. Maybe it just goes without saying, that the excitement is implied but the reality that’s part of the occupational hazard is that, bleh, it’s not always exciting… but rarely through any fault that can be assigned to them. I think that if the other guy isn’t going to “do his part” to make getting blown exciting – and without being excessive in that – well, he might want to rethink what it means to get his dick sucked and his balls emptied. Since I don’t have any control over that, it’s on me to be excited to do it and to find the excitement and enjoyment no matter what he’s doing other than lying back and “taking the sucking like a man” and all that macho rot.

It shouldn’t take the excitement away… and I don’t allow it to be taken away because in this, I do very much love being a very bad boy to get a guy’s dick hard and make it soft again… because it’s oh, so exciting to be one of those bad boys. To break the rules. To flirt with immorality and in the face of much derision and angst… and that’s pretty exciting all by itself.

Otherwise, why bother? I’ve had guys tell me that I am weirdly passionate about sucking dick and it’s my contention that if I’m not going to be that passionate about it, I don’t need to be doing it or, really, giving someone head at all and, besides, given the type of guy I am, if you think I’m passionate about sucking dick, wait until I tell you how even more passionate I am about eating pussy…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 3 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Sometimes…

…I’d find myself in the right place at the right time. Before male bisexuality turned into quite the clusterfuck, one of the hallmarks of being male and bisexual was, “Anywhere, any time…” and you just learned that even if you weren’t looking to get into something, something would find you.

October 1973. California’s Pacific Coast Highway. I’m on my way back to Merced after a weekend with family in Los Angeles and it was one of those days where making the drive was a feast for the eye; being from the East Coast, I was still in awe of California’s amazing scenery because while we had such places in our part of the country, it wasn’t like this. I’m zipping along, listening to the radio when, oh, maybe five or six car lengths ahead of me, I see a car suddenly shimmy followed by a burst of smoke, which was followed by the car’s back end breaking loose and I’m thinking flat tire and oh, shit, because it didn’t look like the driver was going to recover. I take my foot off the gas and I’m on pins and needles as the driver is obviously fighting the car to keep it upright and on the road… but they manage it. I decide to pull over to see if the driver is okay and thinking that if that had happened to me – and at about 80 miles per hour – I’d not only be shaken up but very much in need of a change of underwear.

The guy driving was out of his car and going to look at the right rear tire as I pulled up and stopped and I could hear him cursing before I even got out of my car. I ask him if he’s okay and he says he is; I ask if he needs some help and he says he’s got this but after rummaging around in the trunk, he’s got a spare, a jack… and no tire iron or lug wrench. I go to my trunk to get my combo tire iron/lug wrench but, well, damn: The lugs on his car were smaller than the ones on mine so that wasn’t going to work. Now the situation gets interesting; he needs the right sized tool and while we weren’t exactly “in the middle of nowhere” on the PCH, the next populated place was still maybe twenty miles away. The really good thing was that the guy knew exactly where he was and where he could go to get the tool he needed so I offered to give him a ride there and back and mostly because I’d want someone to do that for me if I was ever in that situation.

I learned that his name was “Charlie” and that he lived in Fresno and he had been on his way home from a trip to San Diego before this happened. I’d introduced myself and mentioned being stationed in Merced which isn’t that far from Fresno and we filled the trip to the next town with a lot of general-type chatter. We wound up going to a couple of parts stores before finding the right tool for the job but got back on the road pretty quickly. Back at his car, things were going well… until he broke a lug off of the hub; not that big of a deal but breaking two more was a big deal for a car with only four lugs. I didn’t think it would be safe to get the spare on with just one lug to keep it in place and he agreed so since I had to go through Fresno to get back to Merced, I offered to take him home rather to leave him stranded.

So off we went. Most of the two-hour ride was made in silence; he wasn’t happy about what had happened and was fussing to himself about what it was gonna cost him to get his car towed back home and all that… and there wasn’t much I could say about it other than to agree that this was some fucked up shit. At one point, I got off the PCH to make a pit stop at one of the many Sambo’s restaurants I’d discovered to, um, pay my water bill and to get a bite to eat. We kinda fussed about paying the bill but he insisted and I relented and we got back on the road. We hadn’t gotten that far into the “last leg” of the ride when he started talking about how lucky he was that I had came along when I did and how grateful he was that I stopped to help him when I could have kept on going and he wanted to show his appreciation…

By sucking my dick. Oddly enough, I wasn’t all that shocked by this; one of the things that gave me a huge jolt of culture shock being in California was how sexually liberated a lot of people were. I wasn’t expecting such an offer and we spent the next few minutes with me saying that it wasn’t necessary and him saying that he felt he needed to do more than just pay for our meal but he’d understand if I “wasn’t like that” and me saying that I was “like that” but it would suffice that I was able to help him out. We went back and forth for a few more miles before I caved in and pulled over at a place Charlie had pointed out. To be honest, sitting there “arguing” with him about this had made me horny and it didn’t help that he’d added to my caving in by pulling his dick out and stroking it. Shit. How and why does this keep happening to me?

Charlie didn’t waste much time helping me get my pants down and the seat pushed back before he swooped down and swallowed me whole, making me gasp and shiver at the contact. There wasn’t enough room for this in the front so we went through a bit of a “Chinese fire drill” climbing into the back seat which was roomy enough for us to get into enough of a 69 so we could suck each other. It didn’t take much or very long before Charlie was spurting his cum into my mouth and I moaned at the more sweet than salty taste of it and he hadn’t slowed down one bit with his mouth on me despite losing his load. He pushed me to the edge… then kicked me over it and it was crazy good and so much that in my thrashing around as I came, I’d hit my head on the window crank and barely noticed it other than to briefly think that it was probably gonna leave a mark.

The windows were all steamed up and the whole car smelled of hot, musky sex. I had considered the “debt” paid in full but Charlie didn’t quite agree; when he said that he hadn’t really expected that blowing me would be as good as he’d discovered and he wanted to do it again, I had mixed feelings about it. Yes, he gave me one hell of a blow job and I’d be lying to myself to say that I hadn’t had big time fun sucking him… but we were off the PCH in some place I didn’t know anything about and while I wasn’t worried about getting back to Merced, it was getting into the early part of the late evening. I didn’t get the chance to voice the concerns running around in my head because Charlie had me in his mouth again and my common sense got shut down and pretty damned quick at that. We’re going at each other again and it was even better than the first time but in the back of my mind, I’m having “visions” of CHP coming along and seeing my car rocking in place with the windows all steamed up and coming to investigate… which just seemed to make what we were doing even more exciting.

Charlie had unloaded into my mouth already and moved away so that he could focus all of his attention on me. I had wanted to fondle him but that’s when he actually smacked me hard on my hand before moving! Okay, message received, damn it. To say that Charlie was an amazing cocksucker didn’t do that any justice. I felt like he was sucking my soul right out of me as he alternated between eating all of my dick and sucking on my balls, something that I hadn’t experienced a lot of in past adventures back home… but seemed to be a “thing” with California cocksuckers. I didn’t know… and didn’t much care at that moment. I wanted to cum so bad it wasn’t funny… and Charlie was doing things to me to make sure that I wasn’t going to and, my mind being the way it was, I even took note of those things for, um, future reference.

God… he was so damned good at this! He had moved to get more… leverage? on me which brought him back within my reach… and his dick was hard again! Must be something in the water or something but he wasn’t about to let me get my mouth on him again and no matter how much I was really begging him about it – and, yeah, I was begging for real – so I just settled for stroking his lovely erection until my damn finally burst and knocked me silly enough that I was barely aware of his dick pumping in my grip and his warm spunk flowing over my fingers…

And praying that he wasn’t going to want to do this again. I couldn’t remember being so totally drained before… and this was definitely not my first rodeo. It wasn’t helping me one bit that Charlie was still gently sucking on me even though I’d gone totally soft after cumming and that part of my brain that just pays attention to everything noted how skillfully he avoided my overly sensitive knob until, I guess, he decided that he was satisfied and let go of me. Thank you, Jesus… because I knew I couldn’t take any more of him sucking me.

We stayed in the back seat for a long moment and I didn’t know about him so much but my body was protesting over having been kinda cramped up in the back seat and, yeah, he had drained me so well that I couldn’t move even though I knew I had to get my shit together and get us back on the road. Charlie was what I called “California Cool” about it; he thanked me for allowing him to thank me in this special way and one that he just loved doing when he could and I could feel myself blushing as we started getting things back together and he’s telling me what a joy it was for him to suck my cock. He actually had me laughing when, after we got going again, he said, “Whoever said Black guys were homophobic is a lying sack of shit! You are magnificent!”

We finally get to his place and I’m feeling a sense of… relief knowing that I only had another twenty or thirty minutes of driving to get back home to Merced. My day had turned out to be more interesting and tiring that I had expected when I’d left Los Angeles. I needed a nap but I also felt energized by the sex we had shared with each other. Nope – I did not take him up on his offer to come inside for a few because I knew that if I had, there was a good chance I’d not get home when I needed to be there and I was pretty damned sure that I wouldn’t be able to get it up even if there was still some time available. I knew I wouldn’t be able to take any more of Charlie “thanking me” for coming to his aid so I thanked him for everything including his offer to come inside with him and, man, driving away was something that I didn’t feel good about doing but I had to.

Two weeks later, I was in Fresno and just acting like a tourist because, for some reason, being in Fresno reminded me of being back home. I’d been spending the day taking in the sights and gorging myself on the local restaurant fare and just having a nice, easy Saturday doing a whole lot of nothing when I heard a very familiar voice say, “Hey, it’s you!” and then found myself being hugged by Charlie and feeling a bit embarrassed because I also felt myself becoming aroused, too. He’d let me know that he had gotten his car back home and it was fixed and I was genuinely glad that he got that taken care of… and hoping that he wouldn’t mention what we’d done… and hoping that he would. The good and “bad” part was that I had spent those two intervening weeks thinking about him and what it was like to suck him and be sucked by him. My very gay roommate, well, he wasn’t happy with me and when we’d have sex, he’d bitch about not having my full attention how much he didn’t like me being with anyone other than him even though we weren’t “officially” a couple or anything like that. A whole different story for some other time.

Yep… we wound up back at Charlie’s place and, yep, oh, my damn, the sex was even better than it had been two weeks prior. We didn’t fuck… because we didn’t need to; it was more than enough that we could really take our time licking and sucking each other although I will admit that having his finger buried in my ass just added to the oral pleasure he was giving me and pleasure that I felt he deserved to feel, too. I’d sucked a lot of dick and had had a lot of guys suck me… but it wasn’t even close to being what it was like being with Charlie. In between turning each other into piles of jelly, I was telling him about what I was calling “California Cool” and how both men and women I’d come across were just so… guiltless about having sex. He shrugged and laughed because, as he said, it was just the way things were in California and obviously so very different than the way such things went back east even though he said he’d never been to the East Coast.

I didn’t make it back home until Sunday afternoon and, to be honest about it, I hadn’t planned on spending that much time with Charlie but I also had to admit that I couldn’t seem to get enough of him and I kinda hated how he made me feel when he’d drain me and get me ready to go again when my mind had long since thrown in the towel. He was such a joy to suck and I even dared to say that he was… perfect. Just the right size and girth. He tasted… too good? and not to mention how envious I was over his ability to cum and get hard again quicker than any guy I’d ever been with. I felt so comfortable with him and so much that, during yet another break, we were in his kitchen and whipping up something to eat and drink when he came over to me and kissed me… and I found myself returning it and it wasn’t the yucky feeling I had associated with kissing guys. It felt right. Who knew?

“I am so glad that you came along when you did,” Charlie had said as we cuddled – yep, that – with each other. “You could have left me stranded on the side of the road and I can’t ever thank you enough for helping me, well, except in this way. You are just so cool…”

I felt myself blushing again; I just wasn’t used to someone paying me a lot of compliments over something that wasn’t that big of a deal for me. “I’m glad I stopped to help, too; I mean, how could I not stop? You didn’t have to, um, thank me like this but I gotta admit that I’m glad you wanted to – you’re amazing and I would have never known how amazing you were had I not stopped to help you out.”

Wait… did I just say that? Being with Charlie confused me. I liked him… a lot. More than friendly but not “being in love” with him but not absent any affection. Infatuated with him? Oh, you bet I was and I just didn’t think that it was a bad thing. He took what I said in stride and I had learned something from him because he wasn’t making a big deal out of any of what we’d been doing to each other. He had said, “Sometimes, things just happen when they need to and I believe that this needed to happen for the both of us…”

Then he proceeded to blow my brains out again.

Charlie and I saw a lot of each other over the next month and before he moved to San Diego. I was happy that he had this great opportunity to further his career and not so happy that it wouldn’t be easy for us to see each other; there was just too much distance between Merced and San Diego to make it practical. But it was okay; we’d had our time together and it was just so comfortable to be naked with each other and being intimate. No pressure and definitely none of the drama I had to deal with on a daily basis with my roommate. Again, another story for another time but this one is just a reminder that you just never know when things will line up and something wonderful will happen…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 30 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: But When It Goes Good…

…it doesn’t get much better than that. One of the things I’ve loved about being bisexual is the freedom to be as sexual as I can and embracing spontaneity which, to be kinda honest, is a bit of a cover-up to make up for being the very impulsive dude I was way back when I was younger. Easier to be “less embarrassed” about having sex with guys by saying that I’m spontaneous and “gifted” with the ability to make correct snap decisions than it was for me to admit that my impulsive nature that I didn’t have a lot of control over was responsible for all the dick I was getting.

Yeah… I used to play a few mind games with myself. Not really fooling myself about it but putting things into perspective and with the understanding that whether I was still being very impulsive or took all the time necessary to make decisions, getting some dick was fun and very satisfying. Still and as with all things, you have good and “bad” days and I’ve had way more good days than “bad” days as a male bisexual.

I’d be hanging with da fellas and listening to them “whining and complaining” about not being able to have all the sex they wanted and needed and I’d often feel sorry for them because they had limitations that I didn’t. I knew that if I wanted to, I could have sex every day, several times a day because I wasn’t limited or restricted to just having sex with women. I’d often sit and listen to them complaining about this girl or that girl who couldn’t suck dick or wouldn’t do it or feeling put out or dissed because this girl or that one wanted them to eat them and they weren’t having any of that… and I’d sit and listen and smile to myself because I’d often have days where I’d find myself sucking three or four dicks a day on top of being able to have my face buried between some girl’s legs and feasting on her.

Some guys who tried sex with guys would talk about how it wasn’t all that… but sometimes they were lying like rugs and especially with the guys who tried it with me and more than once or twice but, yeah, I understood the deception because, as I’ve said many time, image is everything. Sure, you could wind up getting Da Bizness for giving it a try but if you said that you didn’t like it, eh, not many would feel a need to take you to task for doing it in the first place and more so when you could blame that “fall from grace” on being high/intoxicated.

Among those of us who were well and truly into it, the horror stories abounded and in greater quantity than the more positive stories did, giving me a lot of insight about how we think about sex and go about determine what’s good and what isn’t. I’d sit and listen to them putting the word out on this or that guy and for what was usually nitpicking stuff like lying about the size of his dick, cumming too fast and other such things but they’d not always be of a mind to say much about when it all was very good for them and when they did, um, sometimes, a bit of embellishment was added which was often met with a bit of eye-rolling and more so when chances were some of us had been with the guy or guys in question and had our own opinions about how good the sex was with them.

One of the things that often amazed me was being with da fellas who knew what the deal was and listening to them complaining about the lack of dick that would crop up at times and making me wonder why we weren’t taking up the slack with each other and, perhaps, more than we were already doing. Like, one guy had stopped by one day to say hi and to complain about having spent most of his day looking for dicks to suck and not finding any… and I had asked, “What am I… chopped liver?” The look he gave me said that he never considered asking me if we could do something and it wasn’t like we didn’t know that about each other which, in those situations, would have me wondering why we’d go out of our way to obtain the “unobtainable” instead of going for the known sure thing. Some of it was that “friends don’t have sex with each other” thing and I think some of it was along the lines of familiarity breeding contempt which, all by itself, is pretty weird to begin with.

He “had a problem” with asking me and even assumed that I had a similar problem since I’d never hit on him… and I didn’t for a reason: My luck with hitting on guys was mostly bad luck but if I didn’t hit on them, I got extremely lucky. Go figure. We sat and talked – or, really, he talked and I just listened with the odd question asked at times and we got to talking about how many dicks we’d sucked in a day… and he was shocked to hear that I’d had many days where I’d suck as many as six different dicks a day – doing the same guy twice in the same day didn’t count. He couldn’t figure out how I managed it and I told him that I managed it because the only objection I had about doing it was with guys with uncut dicks and my activities weren’t restricted to the immediate area I lived in (at that time). He just assumed – and I don’t know why – that the dick outside of our hood wasn’t all that good and I begged to differ with him and even pointed out that a lot of the dicks I sucked weren’t from where we lived even though there were, as a “group,” about a dozen of us who had no issues about getting some dick but, again, I guessed that it never occurred to many of those guys – and including the one I was talking to – to check each other out when other dicks were unavailable.

He and I got into it… and it was very good but he was again shocked when I mentioned that he was the fourth guy I’d sucked off that day and when he asked how I managed that when he’d been searching the hood all morning, I just shrugged and said that I’m just not of a mind to say no if/when a guy wants his dick sucked. Did I worry about it not being good? Yeah… and not so much since those of us in the know knew of the guys who were assholes about it and they were studiously avoided… which left all the guys who weren’t assholes about it and, yep, many of them would come to me because not only was I willing to blow them or be fucked by them or fucking them, apparently, they felt I was good at it.

“What’s your secret?” he had asked.

“My secret? I don’t have one except, like I said, I don’t say no very often,” I said.

“What if it wasn’t all that?” he asked.

“Depends on what you mean by that,” I replied. “Some guys, well, they’re not as good in bed as they think they are but that doesn’t mean a whole lot, well, not to me. Sometimes they’ll leave me wanting more or things don’t quite go the way we “planned” them but I think what makes me different from everyone else is that if nothing else, I got some dick and that’s what really matters. But when it’s good, it’s good and if I can get some dick a few times a day, it doesn’t get much better than that.”

“Damn, I wish I had that kind of luck,” he said.

“It’s not really about luck; more about being willing to take the opportunities when they present themselves. Like, I have no idea why we never did this before now; it’s not like neither of us didn’t want to but it just didn’t happen before now and when you asked, I didn’t say no. I don’t care about shit like how big the dick is or much of anything else except that ugly-assed foreskin but I won’t suck it but a dude with foreskin can fuck me with it. It’s still an opportunity to get laid and to bust a nut or two and it doesn’t make much sense to let those opportunities go by the wayside. Sometimes they do and there’s nothing to be done about that… except to wait for the next opportunity to come along and around here? They come around a lot if you’re not gonna be too weird about it.”

We went at it again – his dick was a joy to suck and I had zero issues or complaints about his ability to suck a dick. I saw him the next day and the first thing he asked me was if I did it with anyone else after him… and I had truthfully said that I’d had two more dicks after he left me. He got this… weird look on his face that suggested that he wasn’t happy that I did a couple of other guys after he went home but I ignored it. He did confess that just that day, he’d been with five guys and was on his way to meet with guy number six but decided to stop by and let me know that I was right in that if you say yes more than you say no, you get more dick to play with and shit like good and bad doesn’t mean a whole lot. He told me about this one guy – no names were mentioned but by his description, I knew who he was talking about – and, well, the sex wasn’t that good with him even though my personal thoughts about this guy was that he was okay because what he lacked in skill he made up with enthusiasm but, yeah, the dude could be better at this.

He told me that, again, I was right when I’d said that the thing to think about wasn’t how things ended but to think more about how things went before they ended. I had mentioned that when you’re horny, being overly picky about it or saying no when you know you want to say yes will make sure that you ain’t getting any dick anytime soon. I told him that I knew the guy he was talking about and shared his critique that sex with him wasn’t all that great… but he was eager to suck dick and to take it in the ass and was prone to being, ah, overly demonstrative about it which was annoying… but it didn’t make having sex with him any less satisfying and with him, the positives outweighed the negatives.

“When you’re thinking like that, I think it makes saying yes easier,” I said with a shrug. “And because, if nothing else, you want to bust a nut and not a lot else matters other than that; seriously, it ain’t like the guy’s gonna be your boyfriend or something like that, right? Like, I know the guy you’re on your way to hook up with and all I’m gonna say is that I’ve told him no every time after the first time we got busy because he’s an asshole about it… but you gotta find out for yourself – don’t just take my word for it but let’s just say that if I needed to have sex with him to save my life, I’d be dead as a motherfucker.”

He went off to meet this guy and in the two hours before I saw him again, I had gotten with four other guys in a group setting and, yeah, it could have gone better but nuts got busted and swallowed and I didn’t know about them but I was happy about how it all turned out. I was sitting outside and kinda lost in thought when I saw him coming around the corner and, nope, he did not look happy at all.

“You know like I know, don’t you?” I had asked by way of greeting.

“Man, you ain’t said shit!” he replied. “You live and learn, right?”

“Yep, you sure do,” I agreed. I told him what I’d done since he left and he had me laughing when he said that, in retrospect, he should have just hung out with me… but he also said that he felt I was still right in that if you want some dick, you shouldn’t turn down many opportunities to get some unless you have a reason to.

“Man, some dudes just don’t know what’s up, ya know?” he asked – then launched in to a literal blow-by-blow description of how it went with that guy… and all I could do was nod in agreement. It wasn’t that homey wasn’t a nice guy – he was just a total asshole about things when his dick got hard.

“You just learn to not let the assholes ruin shit for you,” I said. “Otherwise, it doesn’t get any better than this and more so when you’re still getting pussy on top of it all. It’s sex and if you’re about having sex, well…”

I’ve had my bad moments but I’ve had, again, way more good ones than bad ones. I could easily have sex with quite a few guys over the course of a day because for one, I wanted to have sex and, for another, I wasn’t of a mind to say no all that often. A lot of those guys tended to focus on whatever negatives they perceived and some of them, depending on the other guy, were justified but if there was a secret to my successes, it was not saying no a lot and being able to find the pleasure in it even when, sometimes, the way things ended weren’t up to par or whatever.

When it goes good, it just doesn’t get any better than that. In these things, I often feel that a lot of guys use the “thinking the worst” method of getting the dick they want or letting the horror stories told by others influence them. I’d hear guys moaning and bitching about this, that, or the other – and whether it was justified or not – and would, at some point ask them what I thought to be the most important question: Did you get laid? Did you get to cum? If the answer is yes to both questions, um, what are you really bitching about? Another question I’ve pondered and have asked others at times is which is better: Quantity or quality and then what do those things mean? I think that we tend to glamorize getting some dick and, these days, romanticize the daylights out of it rather than to keep it simple. Agree on something to do. Get the dicks out. Make them hard. Make them soft again. Repeat as necessary or as time will allow. Be flexible and adaptive if and when possible. Find more reasons to say yes to an offer rather than spending a lot of time thinking about why you should or have to say no to offers. Understand that it’s not always going to turn out the way you might want or expect it to and if it doesn’t, just chalk it up to experience and then don’t let those “bad” moments steal your joy.

Good sex is where you find it… and you can find it almost anywhere and usually in the most unexpected places and people. The thing that matters most isn’t deciding whether you had fun after the fact but seeing if you had fun during the fact and I don’t know about other guys but it’s rare that I didn’t have fun during the fact but, yeah – occupational hazard and all that. Maybe not the best decision made but the one that did make sense at the time. Being able to embrace how sex can make you vulnerable instead of being leery about it. One guy – and one of many – got terribly upset because he came in my mouth “too fast” and didn’t understand why I wasn’t upset about it.

“No need for you to be upset about something that I wanted you to do,” I said as I waved off his objections. “I agreed to suck your dick because, one, I wanted to do it and, two, I did it with the express purpose of making you cum – and you did that and that you did it sooner than you wanted to, well, I get that but, yeah, you did exactly what I wanted and needed you to do. Now the question is do you think you can do it again?”

The same with a guy who lost his load right after getting the head of his dick in me. Oh, he was not happy about that one bit… but I was because, um, he did what I wanted him to do: Stick it in there and cum. Too soon? Yeah, okay, there was that but I know that it’s not something us guys have any real control over. I told him this and said that we should just take a moment or two to see if he could get it up and go for it again. He could… and came faster than he did the first time. He was pissy. I wasn’t. Many would see these two things as “bad” things… and I learned not to see them that way.

Because in both of those situations, I got laid. I got to bust my nuts wide open with the guys. Took a great deal of pleasure from enticing them to give up their nut before they wanted to. The “secret” to my many successes in these things. When it goes good – and that would be my idea of being good – it just doesn’t get any better than that… other than to do it again and if not right away, at the next available opportunity.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 29 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Back in the Day…

And by that I mean back in the late 1990s and once the World Wide Web was easy to search for information, I ran across two written articles about how to suck dick.

One was written by a woman and the other was written by a gay man and, at first, I thought they were the same article with some stuff changed to reflect the respective authors’ points of view but, no, two different articles about how to pleasure a guy with your mouth, lips, tongue and, yes, even including a hand or two.

Both articles were very well written and with many of the same tips, tricks, and techniques being employed and including how to deep throat and all of it aimed at giving pleasure and being able to take pleasure in the giving and as if giving a guy a blow job was one’s most solemn duty and that there was no other reason to give him one other than for his pleasure… and I had a “problem” with that since I knew that I wasn’t one of those guys who sucked dick just to make the other guy a happy camper. I hadn’t learned or grasped the concept of oral fixation at that point in time and something I learned I have a very “bad” case of when it comes to oral sex but while both articles, again, spoke to how to suck a guy’s dick and wind up having to peel him off of the ceiling, the way they were both written had me asking, “Well, what does one get out of focusing all of the pleasure on him other than knowing that he was giving the best blow job possible?”

I had read both articles a few times and felt that, really, only one such “how to” article would serve regardless of sex or sexuality since, again, they were very similar in what to do and how to do it and with emphasis on taking as much time as needed to get him off while also emphasizing patience. Both articles also spoke to how to acquire the taste of semen and the tips and tricks to be able to swallow it and even how to get used to having something, um, in your mouth like that: Brush your teeth and the more foamier the toothpaste, the better and, um, yeah, I actually stopped reading and went to brush my teeth… and they were right about what they were saying about this.

Who knew?

What neither article spoke to was… reciprocation. Okay, so I knew how much work went into sucking a guy’s dick and getting him to cum and had learned those tips, tricks, techniques, etc., via on the job training, like how to suck a guy’s nuts without causing him any undue pain. I grew up with the thing that if I sucked a guy’s dick, it was a given that he was going to suck mine, too, but the thing that “bothered” me about both articles was the total focus on making it supremely good for him even if you encountered… difficulties in the doing. The other “problem” I had was the overall premise both articles spoke to that implied that the guy would “just lie there” and let you do your thing and a notion that, when I read it, had me rolling my eyes a little because, sure, some guys knew to just kinda/sorta be still – and as much as that winds up being possible – while others were of a mind that their, ah, help was needed. Both articles did mention that if he, um, if he wanted to help you, well, just let him do whatever since sucking his dick was all about him.

Yeah… not feeling that then or now. Reading those articles gave me the impression that sucking a guy’s dick should make one feel honored or something along those lines. While neither article spoke to reciprocation, neither of them really spoke to exactly why one should worship homey’s dick and to the exclusion of all else except the insistence that this is the best way to give head and deliver satisfaction. Going forward after reading those different but very similar articles, it really had me thinking about whether I was sucking dick “for the right reason” or not – and not that I was really questioning this, mind you, but I just love to be able to take something like this and break it all down and I couldn’t get away from the “simple fact” that the only reason to suck a guy’s dick is because you like or love doing it… and not necessarily because he’s demanding or insisting that you do.

I’d gotten to thinking about the many times I’d had a girl/woman ask, “If I give you a blow job, what am I getting out of it?” Answering this question by saying that they’d get the pleasure of making me a happy camper wasn’t exactly the answer to the question and knowing this had me asking myself, “Well, what do you get out of it other than the obvious?” – and the “obvious” being a mouthful of warm, salty spunk and the satisfaction of a job well done and done well. I really had to think about that and more so given the many times I’d heard people ask or opine about why a guy would even want to suck another dude’s cock to begin with and more so when guys had the very bad reputation of being assholes about it and, yep, one of those things learned along the way.

Both articles didn’t say a whole lot about what to do if/when things became unmanageable other than to knuckle down and keep at it because this wasn’t about you and I very much begged to disagree about that and given the many times I’d knuckled down, kept at it, made him deliriously happy and not feeling so happy about it myself. Serious – this is supposed to be fun, right? Not just for him but for me, too, right? By and large, it was fun for the both of us and the not-so-fun times were far and few between… but I couldn’t seem to get past the premise of those articles saying that when you suck a guy’s cock, it’s all about him and that you should be willing to do it for him whenever he wants it. I realized that the articles were more idealistic than realistic and written from the perspective two different authors; good things to know from a “how can I do this” perspective but, perhaps, not all that helpful outside of theory.

I remember showing a woman both articles… and it didn’t take her long to start laughing her ass off and more over the one written by a woman and she agreed that, if you wanted to be real about it, there was no need for two such writings. She was pointing out things in both articles that, as a sucker of cocks, she would never do and sentiment I’d heard echoed by other women (and men) and she really got to laughing uncontrollably over the parts that said that sucking his dick should always be about him and that should be your only reason to suck dick. She had said that this sentiment alone is what makes it a chore that one doesn’t always feel like being bothered with and didn’t say a thing about favors being returned.

She had said, “You either love doing it or you don’t and if you don’t, you can bet the house it’s because some dude made you not love it. Technique and all that shit is all well and good but if you’re not of a mind to blow him and it’s not going to be fun for you, too, these articles are just some pie in the sky bullshit!”

I’d found myself agreeing with her but I hadn’t quite figured out exactly what makes giving head so much fun – then I stumbled upon being orally fixated and it all came home to roost for me even though the article I read mostly talked about things like chewing gum, smoking, and even eating foods. It didn’t take a whole lot to see how sucking dick (or eating pussy) played into this fixation as well and more so when the articles also spoke to one of the first things we learn how to do when we’re born: Sucking on a nipple. Knowing this answered the question of “what do I get out of doing it” rather nicely although it made me feel “kinda bad” to fully understand that my purpose wasn’t totally about giving the other person a whole lot of pleasure and more so when, duh, even if they made giving them head a “nightmare,” it sure as fuck felt good to give it.

Those articles from way back then meant well but they didn’t tell the whole story and didn’t answer the question of what you get out of it other than making the other person happy… or, at the least, trying to. The what of it is “easy” but the why of it – and, again, other than making the other guy very happy – went by the wayside and, I think, the articles were more for those who were already cocksuckers but not all that good at it or wanted to be better. Both articles had “romantic overtones” to them; it wasn’t just a labor of love but something to be done magnificently because of love and I had thought that, okay, that makes sense unless you weren’t in love with the guy or didn’t care for him like that… but you wanted to get at that dick just the same. The one written by the gay man was “syrupy sweet” in its more romantic overtones but, again and again, didn’t seem to address the “mindset” required to suck the cock of a guy that, if nothing else, you just merely liked or was sexually attracted to.

If those articles were to be written today – and if I were… motivated to write one – it would be very different. It’s why that, when I write about this stuff, I rarely – if ever – write about how to suck a dick because one pretty much has to find out how they can best do this. I would tell newbies to this and when they asked how to suck my dick, “Do it like you’d want it done to you…” and, of course, provided they’d ever been sucked before but most guys had so that wasn’t much of an issue. And it worked. Some refinement needed but the thing that the articles didn’t say much about was, “Don’t think about it – feel it.” Technique and all that is what it is but if you’re thinking about that, you’re not feeling it. The articles sought to “teach” people how to be good at it and depending on what “being good at it” meant to the reader and in rather general terms but if I hadn’t learned anything about giving head, it was that you had to want to be good at it, that you had to have that strong desire to do it; otherwise, all the technique in the world wasn’t going to make doing it good for you… and the only thing you’d get out of it is a mouthful of warm, salty, spunk.

You can feel good about having made him feel good; there’s this sense of accomplishment that can be felt but if sucking a guy’s dick doesn’t make you feel really good, then you’re just going through the motions and if you’d even want to be bothered doing that. The articles told a reader how to make the other guy feel good… but not how to make themselves feel good about doing it. I would guess that at the time they were written, perhaps this wasn’t that big of a concern or the scope of the writings weren’t intended to get this deep into the matter… and I thought that was a “mistake” back then and it’s still a mistake today if there are folks out there writing about how to suck a dick and it’s all about making the guy you’re sucking happy.

Because if you’re not going to be happy and, dare I say, thrilled to do it, maybe you’ll make him happy and maybe you won’t and I’ll say dependent upon whether or not he’s able to be observant enough to pick up on the fact that you’re not having fun trying to get him to cum. Just going through the motions while employing whatever techniques you’ve learned along the way and then sitting back after all that work, looking at him grinning like an idiot or some other post-ejaculatory expression and wondering why you even did it to begin with. Many years later, I was talking to a guy about sucking dick and what it took to be able to do it; his side of the conversation was about technique and I allowed that technique does play into being able to do this… but if you don’t have the passion and desire to do it, you don’t have much of anything and you’re probably not going to get a whole lot out of it other than, well, you know. That same guy appeared to be miffed with me when I said that when I suck dick or eat pussy, I’m not doing it for the other person’s satisfaction alone… and he had the temerity to call me selfish and even implied that I was giving head for the wrong reason. He didn’t seem to be able to understand when I said that when it came to someone going down on me, I appreciate enthusiasm more than technique because technique can be taught… but enthusiasm can’t. The desire to give head cannot be taught; you have to feel it. and not all that dissimilar to the hunger I feel when I’m about to go down on someone. Yeah, I’m seriously orally fixated and I understand that… now. But in the early goings? Just the thought of going down on someone would induce feelings in me that until I did it, would make me want to jump out of my skin… and I’m still very much like that.

And that’s the thing those 1990-era writings didn’t say much about. Not sure if anything written today even gets into this most important aspect of giving head, be it sucking dick or eating pussy or both if that doesn’t matter to you as long as you can do it. It’s technique-driven but without having that passion and desire to drive the technique, if you give head and feel like you’re not getting anything out of doing it, well, perhaps you have something to think about, huh? And if, once upon a time, you had this passion and desire but, today, ain’t feeling it all that much, ask yourself why you don’t – and then ask yourself what it is you have to do to recapture this, not for them but for yourself.

In all of the times I’ve been asked what I get out of giving someone head, I have the hardest time trying to explain it because it’s not easy to put words to those very specific and rather intangible feelings. It always boils down to me saying, “It makes me feel seriously good to be able to do it. I love doing it. I could do one or both every day, several times a day (and I have on a lot of occasions but that’s not really the point).” It’s a… hunger. No matter how “messed up” the other person might make doing it, the hunger, desire, and passion for giving head just remains. The question I have always asked myself after the fact – and no matter how the, ah, outcome was – is, “Did I have fun doing it to them?”

And the answer is always, “Yes… I had fun even if they didn’t think they did.” Oh, sure – I want it to be very good for them but I’ve come to understand that if that’s my only focus, I’m missing out on something that’s at the root of why I love to suck cock and eat pussy:

It makes me feel wonderful beyond belief. Being able to feed that constantly present hunger that lives inside of me and a hunger than feels like it can never be sated. The thing that those well-written and very technical articles didn’t say a damned thing about. Technique alone doesn’t make you good at it; it doesn’t hurt to be technically good at it nor does it hurt to feel that sense of pride that you are technically good at it… but if technique isn’t driven by desire and passion, what are you really getting out of it? Why won’t I write and publish an article about this? Because I know that this isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Again, technique can be taught… but desire and passion can’t be taught; you have to feel it and I don’t know how to tell or teach someone how to feel it. I don’t know how to tell or teach someone to forget all the times they’ve given head and it didn’t end well other than to say don’t go there; living in the past like that will most definitely rob you of any joy you had or even want in the here and now. If you say to yourself, “I like/love giving head, but…” well, hmm, what are the exceptions and how much would you care to wager that if you have some exceptions that’ll follow the “but,” it’s probably because of something someone else did to steal your joy, to put out that fire that may have once been inside of you and now giving head is… a chore. Just going through the motions. Maybe even bullshitting yourself into believing that caring/loving/whatever the other person is a main thing to be considered. And the thought that if you’re doing for their pleasure alone, you might be doing it for all the wrong reasons since, um, you can’t give pleasure if you’re not getting any pleasure from the doing.

Those articles were both right and, eh, not so much because of what neither of them spoke to. Passion for it. The desire to do it. That intangible thing that you get out of doing it that has nothing to do with making the other person happy and as a reason to do it. Because if you’re not hyped to do it and you don’t get all edgy and itchy when you can’t do it, you’re probably not getting much of anything out of it… and now they’re happy… and you ain’t so much.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 26 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It Goes Badly

I just got finished re-reading the piece I wrote about coming to terms with being a cocksucker (and I gotta edit it to fix some errors I didn’t catch) and while the caffeine was starting to permeate my brain, I thought about all the moments experienced when sucking a guy’s dick had me wondering just why in the hell I thought it would be nirvana to blow him.

Those of you who, well, fuck – you know what I’m gonna say. As I re-read and frowned at the boo-boos I made, coming to terms with being a cocksucker is one thing and right up to those moments when some dude just makes you feel some kind of way about being one… and definitely not talking good things here.

From shitty attitudes to really funky junk to nasty-tasting spunk, it’s a total bummer to have the realization hit home that there are guys who just do not know how to get their dick sucked… and maybe they should never get their dick sucked. Once again, it’s one of those things that when you’re a guy who sucks cock, you get to understand why some women just ain’t fans of doing it. I’d guess, at this particular moment, it’s probably a good thing that it’s not the daily chore some folks think it is for bi guys but, yeah, it can be and more so if you happen to have a circle of friends who happens to know that you’re a cocksucker.

Time machine time!

In the early days and after acquiring the taste, oh, damn – couldn’t get enough of dick in my mouth! That the majority of my male friends also seemed to have learned or discovered this at about the same time as I did just made it even better to be able to “cut our teeth” on each other like this. The sensual impact – and I mean the impact on one’s senses – was pretty interesting and fun when one of my friends would pull their pants down and, yeah, boy, his dick was already hard in anticipation of being sucked, then him getting a temporary bad case of the giggles as I’d close my mouth around him and make it feel wonderfully amazing for the both of us. No spunk to deal with at that time but there was always that good feeling that would flow over and through you like a warm blanket in wintertime. Didn’t know what it was but it sure as hell felt good and feeling it would either make us sigh… or giggle.

Depending on how one felt about it, the really nice part was that you could suck on a dick, he’d get that good feeling and you could keep right on sucking him and making him feel it over and over while feeling pretty good yourself. It was heavenly to feel one of my friends licking and sucking on my dick and making it feel all tingly and once we figured out that we could do it together? Shit… how did it get any better than that? Oh, yeah – shooting the stuff!

Warm. Salty-sweet. Thick and a lot of it. Make a guy shoot his stuff in my mouth, wait a couple of minutes, and get him to do it again. And again. And while he was doing the same thing to me or just taking turns shooting “the jizz” into each other’s mouth until we couldn’t do it but it still felt good. Being on my knees or lying next to him and licking and sucking while his body would start fucking into my mouth all by itself… and trying not to laugh as he’d make those silly sex sounds before blurting out that he was gonna do it. Then feeling his prick twitching and jerking in my mouth as gobs of his stuff landed on my tongue and sometimes having to hustle to keep up with all of the stuff he was shooting.

Some guys were just assholes about it. Not only would they run me down and pretty much beg me to suck them – which I didn’t mind all that much – but to use a more modern term, they acted like they were entitled to get sucked off and doing shit like grabbing my head and slamming themselves into my face as hard as they could or the first time a guy said, “Yeah, suck my dick, bitch!” Yeah… he didn’t say that to me twice and I remember feeling… very bad for doing it. Not that guilty thing but giving into their demand to be sucked just turned out to be a bad idea and even more so when they’d be all funky down there and even worse when their jizz didn’t taste good at all.

Or I’d make them cum and they had little or no appreciation for what I’d done for them and, worse, reneging on their promise to suck me off and getting all pissy about it to be reminded of that promise. The good thing was that once an asshole made himself known, everyone would find out that if he asked you to suck him off, the answer had to be not only no but hell, no. They didn’t act right. Didn’t taste or smell good. Wanted to be all rough about it and reneging like a motherfucker. The other good thing was that it was easy to avoid the assholes because there were plenty of guys who weren’t assholes and, importantly, were very appreciative of the efforts it took to get them to cum.

You not only learned why girls were funny about doing it but you also learned some shit about boys that, in hindsight, you’d wind up wishing you hadn’t learned. Sucking dick is supposed to be fun and preferably mutually satisfying but the truth was that there were a lot of guys who’d make me regret giving into my need to suck them and swallow their spunk. It was bad enough that they made sucking them “the worst thing ever;” even worse when they got finished unloading and then say that it wasn’t good for them and then – worse still – they’d go around telling everybody who’d listen to them that you were a lousy cocksucker and once you got that tacked on to your reputation, nothing you could say or do would get that stigma removed and if you did manage to get rid of it, it was usually because you wound up sucking a lot of dick to prove that you weren’t lousy at it which was either a good or a bad thing depending on how much that bothered you.

Yep… it always bothered me when a guy would make me feel like shit over doing something that I loved doing. Sure, I knew what guys to stay away from but another thing you learned about this was that it wasn’t the guys you knew about that could be a problem: It’s the guys who never gave you any indication that sucking his dick would be a bad call and, of course, you wouldn’t know until he started acting like an asshole about it. Yeah, you also learned that pretty fucked up thing of the guy turning out to be an asshole about it but, shit, you’ve started doing it and it just kinda doesn’t make any sense to just stop; you find yourself in this situation enough times and you learn to cease and desist immediately if not sooner… and chances were very good that stopping things wasn’t going to be received all that well by the asshole.

One such asshole called me a bitch and a whore while I was sucking him so I stopped and he got indignant and asked why I did; I told him why I did and I guess my answer was unacceptable because he said he was gonna make me finish him off… and I invited him to try it. It didn’t go well and especially for him. Yeah… I got a busted lip out of the deal along with some scrapes and a couple of bruises but that was nothing compared to what happened to him. I was even more pissed the hell off because he took something I loved doing and made me not like doing it, well, to him and one of many lessons about not letting someone else steal your joy.

Like getting cussed out because he came before he wanted to. Um, not my fault, homey. Or working over a guy for a long period of time and nothing you’re doing is going to entice him to give up the nut… and then he’s blaming me because he couldn’t cum. Oh, wait – you jerked off before we got together, didn’t you? I really tried to not dislike guys for their antics but there are guys who just go out of their way to make you not like them a whole lot and make you regret doing it. Coming to terms about being a cocksucker also means coming to terms with the fact that some guys are going to give you bad experiences. I hated having my face fucked, for example. I hated guys trying ram their dick down my throat and not giving me a chance to breathe or grabbing my head and holding it so they could ravage my mouth and throat and, of course, the bigger the dick, the more I hated it.

I had to stop too many times to tell guys that I didn’t need any help from them; just lay your ass back and let me do what I know how to do… and calling me out of my name is going to result in something you’re not going to find in the least bit fun. Yeah… no wonder girls were extremely funny and conditional about sucking dick and/or wouldn’t do it at all. Yes, indeedy: The moment you make it not be any fun for a woman, you’ve pretty much screwed the pooch and not in a good way. I remember a guy telling me that I’d better not bite him and I wondered why he even mentioned it… then I found out why. Oh, I wanted to bite his dick right off of his body but in lieu of that, I just stopped and left without a single word. He, on the other hand, decided that grabbing my arm and trying to drag me back was the thing to do and, well, he regretted it after I broke his arm at the elbow. You turned into an asshole and made sucking you something I wished I hadn’t agreed to… and then you had the nerve to put your hands on me?

Homey does not play that shit. Ever.

You just accept that there’s going to be some bad with the good and then strive to not let the bad steal your joy. I see cocksucking porn and, wow, no; not even trying to hear any of that being choked while sucking dick or being gagged or being held in place because my body is reacting to not being able to get any air; not my idea of a fun time. You’re either gonna let me do what I know how to do… or you’re gonna find someone else to blow you. The “good” thing is that there are guys who will actually tell you what they want to do once they get their dick in your mouth; makes it way easier to tell them, nope, ain’t none of that gonna happen here… and yeah, don’t even think about shooting that shit in my face. Accidents happen but if your idea of a cocksucking good time is to shoot your load all over me – and like you see way too much of in porn – yeah, not doing that.

It can go badly. Occupational hazard. What a guy says and does when his dick ain’t hard can be very damned different when his dick is hard and in your mouth. I think we kinda romanticize it because the reality that can be experienced can be anything but “romantic” or even erotic. Some dudes are just assholes about it. Can’t say it any plainer than that.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 18 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Coming to Terms With It

A forum member posted an interesting thing about coming to terms with being a cocksucker and, at least to me, this is a serious kind of thing that some men can handle and some not so much. Time for a quick trip in the time machine…

Back in the day, you could be called a cocksucker out of anger or in jest and guys just did not have a sense of humor about it all that much but, yeah, your boys get to yanking your chain about being a cocksucker – and you weren’t and they know you aren’t – and there’s so much of this you’re gonna take before you eventually got pissed off about it. And outside of it being jest, someone called you a cocksucker, they had better be ready to fight.

Yeah… for the “longest time,” I had a major objection to being called a cocksucker even in jest and despite the fact that I was sucking cocks like it was going out of style any second now until one day and after beating a guy playing cards, he called me a cocksucker – whether in jest or anger – and I was a split second away from jumping in his ass when something in my head said, “I don’t know why you’re getting ready to start a fight about that… because you are a cocksucker.”

Hmm. Yeah… I was. In that moment, it hit me that I shouldn’t be getting ready to kick ass and take names over something that was very true about myself and even if the person calling me a cocksucker didn’t know that I really was. That was, in effect, my coming to terms with it moment and when I think back about that moment, you betcha – I feel pretty… stupid to have not really come to terms with it before that moment but, okay, better late than not at all.

It had the effect of putting me into a very introspective mood and dealing with the asshole that lives inside my head calling me a cocksucker over and over and, of course, there’s “video evidence” of that and it was unsettling because I never thought of my myself as being one in those terms and not even being told, after sucking a guy’s dick, that I was a good cocksucker; I guess that the high compliment just overshadowed the word itself. That was way back in the late 1960s… and even today, being called a cocksucker is still fighting words and you can’t even joke with guys you know about this… and even if you happen to know that they’re really a cocksucker.

One member responded by saying that even though he’s never sucked a cock, he’s come to terms with wanting to do it and I get it; such a thing isn’t that difficult to get a grip on in your head once one gets past that moment of “denial” that seems to happen that says that he’s not supposed to be thinking about this but, yeah, he is and a lot, too. Coming to those terms? Okay. But in order to really come to terms about being a cocksucker, you gotta suck cock for it all to hit home. Some might say that you don’t have to but, um, if you’ve not or never sucked a cock, how can you be called a cocksucker and how to you really come to terms with something you haven’t done?

Like being called a muff-diver or carpet muncher… and, no, I’m not talking about women; I’m still talking about men and being hit with one of these “insults” could have the same effect as being called a cocksucker. I’ve seen guys get hit with this one… and shit got ugly real fast. Surprisingly, being called one didn’t make me want to go all Bruce Lee on someone like being called a cocksucker did and, no, don’t even think about asking me why because I don’t know why other than to say that it didn’t bother me and anyone calling me that would get the instant response like, “Yeah… and I’m getting more pussy than you are because I dive on muffs…” or something along those lines.

It’s not always that easy to come to terms about doing something that is socially and morally prohibited; you know that it is and you know that there are a lot of people who will give you all kinds of unwanted shit about it and that includes yourself but, at the same time, there’s no way you can really lie to yourself and say that you’re aren’t a cocksucker when (a) you’ve sucked cock and more than once or twice and (b) you liked doing it… and the realization that hits home can be disturbing because even if no one else knows you suck cock, you know it and, as a dear friend used to say, there’s only so much lying you can do to yourself.

One member replied that he’s not out to anyone about being a cocksucker and that everyone around him sees him as a straight and masculine kind of guy and, well, that’s not all that remarkable and to the point where I pointed that out to him; coming to terms about being a cocksucker doesn’t have anything to do with who might know or suspect that you suck cock: It’s about accept the sure and proven fact that, again, you suck dick and you like or love doing it and trying to bullshit yourself that you don’t is a sure sign that you’ve not accepted or come to terms with being a cocksucker. Indeed, you can see this a lot in guys who say that it’s not something they do all of the time… and like that nullifies being a cocksucker.

Okay. If you do it once, you sucked cock. Not many people, if they knew you did it, would call you a cocksucker even though, technically, you are. Kinda. If you do it again – and no matter the space of time in between the first and second times, eh, you might be called a cocksucker. Maybe. But if you keep right on doing it – and, again, no matter how often you do or don’t do it – yeah, you’re a cocksucker alright… but a lot of guys tend to mindfuck themselves into believing that they aren’t the cocksucker they’ve been behaving like. There is a lot of guilt and shame attached to this and right along with the angst that’s been around since forever toward any man who’d stoop that low and suck another man’s cock and being all unmanly and, yeah, even girly by trespassing on women’s territory and, oh, yeah, you’re gay, too.

So it’s not even unusual that a guy who sucks cocks is going to be of a mind to let everyone he knows that he likes doing this; no – he’s going to remain silent about it and, again, even kid himself that he’s not really a cocksucker because it’s not something he does all of the time and that sentiment always either makes me laugh or frown a lot because I’m a cocksucker… and it’s not something I do all of the time but I came to terms with being a cocksucker a long time ago. A lot of guys, I think, don’t really come to terms about it since whenever this kind of topic comes up on the forum, it’s one of those, “Yeah, but…” things that drives me partially insane because many of those guys seem to be of a mind that going on and on about how they like to suck cock or how infrequently they do it has anything to do with accepting and coming to terms with being a cocksucker. Period.

How you do it doesn’t mean anything. Nor does only doing it a few times a year or every other day or whatever. If you perform oral sex on a guy, you’re a cocksucker. It doesn’t even matter whether you swallow cum or not and, yeah, some guys will tell you that they’re not a cocksucker because the guy came in their face or somewhere other than their mouth… and totally glossing over the fact that they had homey’s dick in their mouth and if you mention this to them, they’ll usually, “Yeah, but…” you and now you’re gonna hear about their preferences and their right not to do something and all that rot… but not admitting that they are, in fact and in deed, a cocksucker and letting it go at just that main point.

I found myself… adjusting to the epitaph and in some pretty annoying ways, I think. A guy would call me a cocksucker for some reason and I’d hit him with the usual, “It takes one to know one” but, a bit more creatively, sometimes responding with, “You wish…” or, even better, “Are you offering?” But I stopped getting highly pissed about it and ready to fight or end friendships… because I was – am – a cocksucker. I knew it even if no one else did and for those who suspected that I was, okay: Prove it. A whole different thing when it could be proved and I’ve been outed as a cocksucker quite a few times in my life and as regrettable as that might have been, it changed nothing because even after losing some friends, I was still a cocksucker.

I’m more than good with it even when I know others wouldn’t me. I came to terms with it. I accepted it as the truth about myself. I actually love doing it and make it clear that the only thing better is eating pussy, which makes me a muff-diver and would you believe that there are still people who believe that Black men don’t eat pussy? Yeah, that one still cracks me up…. but I digress.

Maybe there are those who think or otherwise feel that coming to terms with this ain’t that big of a deal but I happen to know that for some guys, it really is and given the many times I’ve given a guy his first cocksucking experience and have had to sit and talk to him about it because he enjoyed the experience but is now feeling the guilt and shame associated with it and the times where this particular moment of truth has been emotionally disturbing and that’s being nice about it. One guy, after blowing me, looked up at me, blinked and said, “I’m a cocksucker…” – then threw up all over me. I came to understand that we – society at large – tend to think more about the act itself than the impact it can have on a guy but, then again, this same society is of a mind that not only are all gay men cocksuckers, all bi men are as well… and that’s never been the truth. Some guys try it and they just didn’t like it and that’s one thing… but imagine, if you can and will, being a guy who has been going on with his life and knowing that men who suck cock aren’t all that acceptable then, one day, he finds himself sucking cock – and how he winds up doing it doesn’t matter a whole lot compared to the potential psychological impact that he just did something he knew he wasn’t supposed to do and now he has to come to terms with himself because he not only did, he can’t even really lie and say he didn’t like it… and more so if and when he finds himself thinking about doing it again.

I’ve opined that it takes a lot of very manly guts to suck another man’s cock… and it can take even more of those manly guts to come to terms with being a cocksucker and someone who, again, isn’t seen as favorable in our society. Being able to come to terms with being one gets harder because this same society will put the gay tag on him in a hurry and will often wave off the fact that homey likes women and pussy more as inconsequential; he’s not only a cocksucker, he’s a gay cocksucker and knowing this can make coming to terms about being a cocksucker… daunting at the least.

Yes: A lot of guys come to terms with it and it wasn’t all that hard for them to do so… and I’m not talking about them but, yeah, they did have to come to terms with it and I know guys who will tell you that they are cocksucking whores and cum sluts and they’re damned proud of it… because the came to terms with it and it doesn’t make sense to not be proud of the fact that they can do something that a whole lot of men can’t even imagine doing. Coming to terms about it means not bullshitting yourself in any way that you suck cock. Period. Doesn’t matter why you do or how you do it or how frequently or infrequently you do it. It doesn’t even matter what you like or dislike about it because in order to know these things, um, you gotta suck cock.

Making such a determination without sucking cock can be done and now we get into that “thinking is doing” thing because some guys can come to terms with wanting to suck a dick… but that still ain’t the same as doing it and coming to terms with that all by itself… and then not being all that worried about what someone else might say about them being a cocksucker. Even I’ve told guys who’ve given me shit about it, “You’re just pissed because I can do something you don’t have the nerve to do…” and, yeah, sometimes I’ve insulted their manhood – because they insulted mine – by adding that I can do something that they’re not man enough to do. Yeah… this shit can get fugly but that’s nothing all that new and because it’s well-known and that there are plenty of horror stories about this, it can make coming to terms with being a cocksucker not all that easy for some guys.

I might not shout it out to the whole damned world and/or everyone I know that I’m a cocksucker… but I know that I am. I accept it. I came to terms with myself about it albeit after pretty much giving myself a swift kick in the nuts about it and, yeah, realizing that I actually hadn’t despite being a cocksucking fiend; it was just something I loved doing and no real thought about being a cocksucker and then getting bent out of shape being called one and as a knee-jerk reaction more than putting on airs and as if I really wasn’t one. I was. I am. Shit. But, okay, am I ashamed of it? Nope. Nothing to be mad about, is there?

Not at all… because it doesn’t make sense to me to be all pissed off, guilty, or ashamed of something I not only want to do but love doing. I know this even if there are people who know me that doesn’t know it. Not all that concerned about them and it’s not my fault that they can’t accept it or give me that crap about it’s okay but it’s not something they’d do… and I’ve heard that one before from guys and some of them turned out to be cocksucker, too, and they haven’t quite gotten around to coming to terms about it since they tend to qualify things – what they prefer, what they like and don’t like or it’s not something they do all of the time and other such stuff that I think gets in the way of really coming to terms about being a cocksucker.

I think some guys are okay with calling themselves a cocksucker… but no one else had better call them one and the shit will most likely hit the fan if someone does. The psychology, as always, is utterly fascinating. For some men, coming to terms with the fact that they are a cocksucker isn’t all that difficult but for others? It’s either going to take a few for that to happen… and if it does at all since it’s all to easy to convince one’s self that they’re not really the cocksucker they’ve been behaving like.

Just another of those bi guy things that ya might not be aware of… and one that I have the nerve to say something about. It’s not a condemnation for guys to not be able to come to terms about it but it, I think, goes a long way toward understanding some root cause stuff that explains why there are men who are bisexual and they’re… cocksuckers along with the fact that not all bisexual men suck cock. We really aren’t all the same in this but the one thing we all do have in common is having to come to terms with the fact that we are cocksuckers and, yeah, with or without qualifications like it not being something we’d do all of the time because I don’t know anyone who actually does do it all of the time and that includes gay men… and not all of them are cocksuckers, either.

Enjoy the rest of your day. I’m gonna fry some chicken for dinner and finish my Borderlands 3 game…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 9 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , , , ,

 
The Three of Us: Kit, Kitten, and Kitty

This blog is mostly about personal growth. It’s random and it’s ever changing.

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Gemma - Journey of Self discovery

So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one...

Marla's World

Sporadic randomness from a disheveled mind.

Miss D

My BDSM adventures and accounts as a kinky sadomasochist

The Middle-Aged Bisexual

Struggling with my bisexuality in a heterosexual relationship

Porn Girl

BDSM, Femdom, D/s, sex and life in general

Water bound girl

A Submissive Journey

Binerd88

Musings & Interests of a Bisexual Man

wildwestangel.wordpress.com/

A journey into surrender

Finding Strength in my Submission

Mature audience only, 18+ NSFW...kinky sex & spankings ahead!

Acquiescent Soul

Internal Perspective

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

Life

by Hannah

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

Still hot. (It just comes in flashes now.)

Bellaelena

Random thoughts from a random mind

thewritingofpassage

Writing about recovery.

Wake Up- Get Up- Stand up

"We the People" need to stand together.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

afortnightaway

Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

Love the one you love

ophisophia

The Wise Serpent

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Larry Archer's World (LarryArcher.blog)

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer

theopenwife

is there a path to a successful open marriage?

thesinofindia

The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl

The Bi-Love-Ed RESEARCHER

What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception

Kittykat-bitsandbobs

Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

smallpenisbigissues

when and why size matters

undermounted

I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer

Writing Myself into a Hole

The flailing scraps of a struggling writer. Original fiction and creative whining, whenever my petulance will allow it.