Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 31 May 23, 1253 hours

I was reading the latest entry to a long-standing post about… the first time you sucked cock. As an avid cocksucker myself, I’ve always been interested and fascinated about how others started doing it and today’s most recent entry contained a phrase that I’ve heard a lot but tends to bring a smile to my face:

“Don’t cum in my mouth!” I learned how traumatizing a moment this can be for someone and especially when the guy promises that he won’t and… oops. There’s a lot of “shit” that plays into this being a traumatizing moment and, particularly, being lied to; making a promised that wasn’t kept; that… taste. That’s the bad side of it and I have no doubts that there are a lot of people who have experienced this particular trauma but, as you might expect, it’s not always traumatic.

Sometimes, it’s… funny and, yeah, I know about my sense of humor but bear with me. Some… bullshit. I hadn’t even ejaculated for the first time when I would overhear those old guys talking about stuff that I knew I shouldn’t be overhearing and one of the things they’d sometimes get to talking about was how bad it was to be a… scum sucker. Okay, no idea what that was but overhearing this a bit more revealed that if you were a guy and a scum sucker, you were fucked up. What confused me was overhearing things that suggested that if a girl/woman was a scum sucker, well, that was all well and good and very much preferred and… old people are crazy.

Puberty hits me like someone dropped a planet on me and now I’m shooting the “baby making stuff” that I’d heard about and would later find that it was also known as scum but prior to that, I’m now shooting the stuff, I’m telling all my friends about it – and the news was met with mixed results; some guys were happy for me and some were pissed off because I could do it and they couldn’t but I had to prove that I could. After my announcement, one guy said, “Prove it!” and off we went to do it and doing it started out with dicks being sucked. He’s sucking me, it’s feeling good and then it’s feeling really good and… the “lights go out” and I can feel my dick pumping in his mouth and he’s… not doing well with it but, yeah, I proved that I could shoot it. He was… mad because he’d swallowed some of it but, I’ll say later and when we’d do it, he didn’t complain a whole lot if I shot it in his mouth.

Girls did once the girl I first came into spread the word that I could shoot the stuff. They clearly didn’t want it in their mouth and my first warning that if I felt like I was going to do it, I’d better tell them so they could stop sucking me and…. um, let’s say that I wasn’t all that successful with this which led to those girls who weren’t happy with me not sucking my dick (but I could still fuck them). Other girls liked having it shot in their mouth and guys, well, once that first friend confirmed that I could shoot it – and talked about how it tasted – some guys wanted to taste it and some guys were, like some girls, saying, “Don’t shoot it in my mouth!”

I would eventually learn that we don’t have as much control over that as might be preferred. You get the “don’t shoot it in my mouth” thing and you learn to either tell the person sucking you that you’re gonna shoot or, a bit harder (at first), snatch your dick away from them and now, the stuff is flying all over the place and, uh-oh, sometimes on the person who got you to shoot it. I still couldn’t understand why it was bad to be a guy and a “scum sucker” but it was okay for a girl to be one and overhearing those old guys not being happy with a woman who wouldn’t let them “cum” in her mouth and, okay, what’s cum? Oh, it’s the same as scum and jizz and… adults sure use some funny words, don’t they.

I’d suck some guys who’d gotten bitch-slapped by puberty and are now ejaculating and they’d tell me that they’re not going to shoot it in my mouth but I’d tell them that if they did, it’s be okay – I wanted them to do that so it wasn’t like I was going to tell a guy not to do it; I’d gotten my first taste of it and, yeah, it tasted good and swallowing it – and as I and others would learn – leaves no evidence, well, evidence that can be seen.

Guys and gals were funny about it; I’d learn that some were funny about it because someone wanted them to suck their dick and they promised not to shoot in their mouth and… that’s what they did and, at this point, it didn’t make a difference if it was accidental or done purposely but, yeah, some guys thought it was funny to promise not to do that and do it anyway and, perhaps, not really understanding that they just scarred this person for life or, at the least, stole their joy of sucking dick. Now, one of the “after affects” of this was since girls didn’t want it (a) in their mouth and/or (b) in their pussy (even though they’d not yet had their first period, but they knew our stuff would put a baby in them), it made us guys sucking each other off… a thing.

You either liked having it in your mouth or you didn’t. Accidents, as I would learn, happened and grudgingly forgiven… or not. In today’s terms, there were many of us who were “cum sluts” and, yeah, I probably “led the league” in this category because the thing that would make me mad – and fighting mad at times – was when a guy didn’t shoot it in my mouth. Although, yeah, sometimes, I’d get a mouthful of stuff that just didn’t taste good and now a split-second decision: Swallow it anyway or spit it out and some guys were in the mode of being quite unhappy if you spit their stuff out and even unhappier to be told that their stuff tasted nasty.

For me, the message was clear: If I wanted people to suck my dick (and I most definitely did), if they tell me not to cum in their mouth, then don’t do that. Do my best to warn them and, hopefully, at the first signs that I’m gonna cum but, yeah, accidents happen and now it was all about being able to convince them that I did not do this on purpose! Still, the “word on the street” was that only faggots and sissies – gay dudes – sucked scum and loved to do it and since these were nasty and evil guys, the fear of being gay was being perpetrated among us guys and now some of the “evil” shit was being perpetrated on those who liked to suck dick… but their requests not to have it in their mouth would be ignored.

Then consider that there’s that… expectation that if you were giving a guy a blowup, getting that mouthful of spunk was part of getting one and for me and other guys, we expected to get it and woe be unto you if you didn’t deliver the goods. In my own experiences alone, I didn’t run into too many guys who said, “Don’t shoots/bust/cum in my mouth/head;” and the last time I heard it was way back when I was 25 or so and with Mr. Holy Shit Your Dick Is Long and him… being a pussy about me possibly cumming in his mouth – but he was very much looking forward to cumming in mine. He’d said, “Don’t bust a nut in my head…” while I was sucking him and… I stopped because he had, again, made it clear that he was going to bust one in my head and… we had a conversation about that and I bluntly told him that if he was gonna bust in my head, he was gonna get one busted in his and if he had a problem with it, we can stop right here and he can leave.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t learned some stuff about this from both men and women because I had but this event occurred at a time when I was getting fed up with guys wanting to do stuff to me – but didn’t want it done to them and, oh, hell, no. Now, I wasn’t an asshole and if a guy didn’t want cum in his mouth, I’d warn him in advance but if he didn’t stop, well, that’s not on me and more so if/when I told you twice. I’d learned that it is proper etiquette to warn someone who’s sucking you that you’re going to cum – and provided that they weren’t able to pick up on the clues that this is about to happen – and, again, if you warned them and they didn’t stop, not my fault and I’ll say “usually” with women, I’d do my best to get them to stop sucking me by moving away or gently using my hands on their head to remove them before I get yelled at.

Yeah, I’m a nice guy about it, both in my mindset and because I like having my dick sucked. But it was like I told a woman who was stupidly good at doing it and I came in her mouth and, shit, one moment it was fucking amazing and – boom. She’s pissed; she says I had to tell her, and I told her that I didn’t have time to tell her, and she said that I should have been in control of it and… how the fuck does that really work? Okay, yeah – you’re screwing a woman (or a guy) and they want you to go for as long as you can and more so when doing it before they want you to is… very bad.

I have gotten guys to cum in my mouth in less than a minute and we’ve both been surprised by it, him embarrassingly so and me pleasantly so. We are… compelled to hold off from cumming so the sex can be good for the other person but, yeah, sometimes… you just can’t and I’d learn that there are a lot of things that play into not being able to hold off for a long time but how being overstimulated can result in not cumming which tends to make the other person unhappy and… you can’t win for losing. A guy tells me, before I go down on him, that’s he not gonna cum in my mouth; I tell him that it’s okay and I want him to but he’s adamant that he’s not going to and I’d find out later – and after he came in my mouth in about 30 seconds or so – that he said it because… women don’t like it.

“I’m not a woman,” I said. “If I didn’t like having cum in my mouth, I wouldn’t suck dick. Do you think you can go again?” I knew and accepted two things: One is… I love to swallow cum and the other was that if I’m giving a guy a blowjob, there’s the expectation and unwritten/unspoken agreement that he’s to cum in my mouth. I’ve gotten accidental facials and they just reminded me that as much as we think we have some control over this, sometimes, we really don’t. Guys who came in under a minute but then guys who took a long time to cum (thanks, ladies) or all kinds of other crap that resulted in me not getting cum in my mouth and… lots of drama and other shit that I understood is a part of what it means to have sex.

Being in the online days and one of the things that got put out there first is do you suck and swallow? Of course, I do but there were many men who sucked but didn’t swallow because they either never swallowed or they had reason to not like it, like not acquiring the taste or, as a lot of females have had happened to them, the guy promised not to do that and… it happened anyway, and accidents were seen at being the same as a deliberate and insensitive thing to do. If you said that you sucked but didn’t swallow, for a lot of guys, that was a major deal breaker and while I’d… gotten used to being sucked but not sucked off, if a guy said that he didn’t swallow, it wasn’t that big of a deal because I made it clear that I’m going to suck him and suck him off and swallow all of it.

I know that I don’t have to swallow it; I can spit it out or, as I’ve done, stop sucking him and use my hands to get him off – and learning that some guys weren’t happy with me… because I didn’t let them cum in my mouth and… okay, there has to be something about this that I’m missing and/or not understanding. I’d be sucking some guys and not get warned but I learned to pick up on some subtle clues from his dick that would tell me that, uh-huh, he’s about cut loose and, yeah, it’s about damned time!

A guy asks, “Why do you swallow it?” and I had a hard time answering his question. The first time I had a dick in my mouth, I got cum in my mouth and while I didn’t swallow it on purpose, I swallowed it just the same and, wow, that tastes… good? Weird? After that I was, perhaps, way too keen to swallow it because getting it out of a guy… made me feel wonderful. And, yes, guys who could shoot expected to shoot in my mouth and since they would, I’d… swallow it unless it tasted nasty but, yeah, sometimes the best way to deal with the nasty-tasting stuff was to swallow it or, if I could, just hold it in my mouth and let it dribble out; I would learn that with some guys, that was okay if I let it dribble or I spit it out because… they came in my mouth and… just like I expected them to do.

Being “confused” when someone says, “Don’t cum in my mouth!” and I’d warn them and… they didn’t stop and I do the thing they didn’t want me to do but why did they change their mind? I’d ask because, yeah, I’m confused now… not that I’m complaining about it but, still. A lot of different answers up to an including them saying that they didn’t hear me warning them and… well, okay. What giving a blowjob meant had… meaning. You sucked the guy until he came (or he didn’t and now it’s about getting him off some other way) and he would prefer to cum in your mouth and it would be nice if you swallowed it and, no, I do not know why. One guy told me that by swallowing my cum, he’s taking a part of me and, indeed, when I was deep into researching cocksucking, I’d come across stuff where in some cultures, taking a man’s seed was a way to capture a man’s essence i.e., if he was a great warrior, his “power” could be transferred to the one taking his seed… although, um, that kinda didn’t make sense where women were concerned since there weren’t that many female warriors and… okay, there’s a lot about this that doesn’t make sense but the rule remained that if you gave a guy a blowjob, you took the cum in your mouth and… what you did with it after you got it was up to you.

Now, some girls wanted it in their mouth and for the same reason I did: It tastes good, and you get a great sense of accomplishment in making him cum in your mouth. Some girls did it… to keep the dick and cum out of their pussies and for obvious reasons; some girls did it to… get the guy hooked on them and then, at some point, refuse to do it again and dangle sucking him off as a carrot that, hopefully, kept him hooked on her. Us guys did it… because we are supposed and expected to and if that doesn’t make a lot of sense to you, welcome to the club.

It’s been a damned long time since I’ve had someone tell me not to cum in their mouth. I’m sure that there are guys today who’d tell another guy that and, yeah, I used to hear it a lot in the younger days because it was well and truly known that cum… tastes nasty and it’s the infamous acquired taste and, as such, a lot of folks were seriously afraid of it because of what they heard… but not because they found out if they could acquire the taste or not.

What you learn is that you do not ever cum in someone’s mouth without their prior and express permission. You are expected and required to warn the person who’s sucking you that you’re going to cum and even if it only feels like you are. If you think you have the right to do it and regardless to being told not do, then what kind of inconsiderate, fucked up motherfucking son-of-a-bitch are you?

Among guys, I learned that one of the reasons why they can be afraid of sucking dick is… getting that mouthful of spunk and, these days, there’s a lot of fear attached to it in the form of STDs which isn’t unwarranted but a lot of guys work under the assumption that if they take a man’s cum in their mouth, they will be infected with something; telling them that you can’t get something if the other person doesn’t have it to give… doesn’t quite register with them and, yeah, the CDC says there’s a 96% chance that you won’t catch something nasty in your mouth but that’s… science stuff and the kind few people want to be bothered with knowing and, yeah, again, assuming that sucking a guy off under the auspices of a relationship makes them safe.

Sigh. Girls/women would suck me and tell me that I’d better not cum in their mouth because the cum is supposed to go in their pussies and, well, yeah – okay. But it’s like I’ve told guys who’ve sucked dick and got surprised over getting that mouthful, “What did you think was gonna happen if you sucked him long enough and in the right way… and how come you didn’t know this?”

Now… the drama. A woman is pitching a bitch at me because she found out that her man was being sucked off by a guy – and it wasn’t me, by the way – and she’s flying off the rails about it and when I could get words in edgewise, I tell her that, for one, we – men – know that if a woman’s not going to do that, there’s a guy who will and, shit, it doesn’t really mean anything but it also does. She says that she doesn’t have to do that if she doesn’t want to and I say that she’s right – she doesn’t – but I also point out to her something I knew as a fact: If you don’t or won’t do it, someone else will. But wait – it gets weirder!

She does a “Yeah, but…” on me and says that if another bitch had sucked him off, she wouldn’t be all that pissed the fuck off but because it was a gay-assed punk bitch dude, well, he was as wrong as anyone can be. I made the “mistake” of asking her what the difference was because in my mind, getting sucked off really doesn’t have anything to do with who does it but, yeah, it does and… why is she yelling at me about what her man did and more so since I wasn’t the guy who’s sucking him off?

Well, that’s because I’m a guy and guilty by association and we all are a bunch of no good, cheating, gay-assed motherfuckers who doesn’t respect women and… when I got more words in I asked her, “If you aren’t going to do it, who’s supposed to?” and she said, “Nobody is and if he don’t like it, he can fucking leave!”

“But what if he doesn’t want to leave?” I had asked… because some guys really don’t want to. And she looked at me like I was crazy and kept going off about it and while I didn’t like being bitched at for something I didn’t do, it continued to confirm in my mind that there are some guys who will turn to a guy to get sucked off… because women aren’t of a mind to do it all that much and… I understood that, too.

She’s asking me why we want to put that nasty shit in a woman’s mouth and I tell her, honestly, “Because it feels good to do that and that’s because we are biologically programmed to cum in something. Preferably your pussy but your mouth works, too.” And… now she has a reason to go off on me… because I told her the truth as I knew and understood it.

In the younger days, first time guys would tell me that, yes, they want to suck my dick – but don’t shoot in their mouth, okay? Okay but if I’m about to do it, I will let you know so you can stop. I’ve warned them and sometimes they stop and sometimes… they kept right on going; maybe I have the wherewithal to warn them again but sometimes I didn’t and… yeah. That. Now I’m feeling bad about it and afraid that they’re going to be mad at me and sometimes they were and most of the time… they weren’t.

When a guy says, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be…” it’s because they got that mouthful of spunk when they didn’t want or expect it but, hmm, yeah, not that bad. I clearly remember talking to my protege about this and, man, he was seriously weird about it. He didn’t have a problem with a guy sucking his dick but he was afraid to cum in the guy’s mouth – and the dude was expecting him to. Likewise, he was “scared shitless” to suck a guy because he was afraid of getting HIV/AIDS if the dude were to cum in his mouth – and I told him that unless a condom was being used, the moment he put the guy’s dick in his mouth, he’s already exposed himself to any potential risk and he didn’t have to cum for that to happen. He said that he knew for a fact that he wouldn’t like the taste of it and I asked, “How do you know you wouldn’t?”

But, of course, it was rhetorical because I knew why: They still say it’s an acquired taste and a nasty-tasting one to acquire. He gets comfortable with cumming in a guy’s mouth but, yeah, telling guys not to cum in his mouth and I asked him, “If you expect to be able to cum in a guy’s mouth and he swallow you cum, why would you think that it’s unrealistic if you’re sucking him and he’s not supposed to do the thing that you expect him to do? Doesn’t that sound a bit hypocritical?”

Kinda funny to hear a guy say, “I don’t have to if I don’t want to!” and, true enough, he doesn’t but I told him that when it comes to giving a blowjob – and that’s the thing that’s been agreed to – sucking each other off is… an expectation; it’s the way it’s supposed to be done and it’s always been this way and unless the guy tells you not to suck him off, um, really – what do you think is supposed to happen?

He asked me why it’s an expectation and I honestly told him, “I really don’t know – I just know that it is. It comes down to this: You’re either going to suck him off – and either spit or swallow – or you aren’t but I think it’s a bit irresponsible for you to expect the other guy to suck your balls dry and you gotta ask yourself why you’re afraid of doing something you would, say, expect me to do if I’m giving you a blowjob?”

“And you need to understand that there are men out there who are of a mind that if they swallow your cum, you have to swallow theirs and if you don’t, well, your reputation as a cocksucker is going to get dinged and not in a good way because in the online world, it’s not unheard of for guys to put the word out on other guys, like, don’t make a deal with this guy because he doesn’t want cum in his mouth – but he expects you to take his cum and swallow it!”

It is deemed that if you suck a guy and he doesn’t cum in your mouth, the blowjob is a bad one and… you don’t know how to suck dick. Yeah, I can “hear” the outrage over this one, but it’ll do you no good to shoot the messenger because I’m telling you what I know and have experienced with this. A woman says, “If you expect me to suck you off, you can forget that shit!”

I tell her, “I don’t ever expect it and other women have conditioned me to not expect it, don’t ask for it, and even if it’s an accident, it’s my fault and all that.” She looked at me like I was some kind of alien – which I thought was funny but that’s me – and… she didn’t believe me and I very much understood why she didn’t… because I suck dick, too, and I know how guys are about getting their dick sucked.

“If you suck me and I can’t cum in your mouth, I’m not going to be upset about it – I’m used to it and I will tell you if you’re about to make me cum.”

“No, you wouldn’t because all you motherfuckers will lie in a heartbeat!” and… yeah, this is the kind of shit that we are capable of that ruins our chances to get sucked off.

I have, in my lifetimes, been sucked off more by men than women and… I respect their “don’t cum in my mouth” position because… I know some stuff about that. I have never told a guy not to cum in my mouth; I’ve actually had guys apologize for cumming in my mouth and have asked them, “Why are you apologizing for something that I wanted you to do?”

And I’ve been of a mind that if there’s a reason why you shouldn’t bust one in my mouth, it’s also a damned good reason not to give you a blowjob. A guys asks, “What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you because you swallowed?” That one was easy: “Sometimes, it gives me the runs.” Ah, but your friendly neighborhood science nerd knows why it does at times and, okay, I understand that, and I understand that the only… nastiness transferred isn’t an STD; his cum just upset the water balance in my stomach and intestines… and like I’ve had stuff I’ve eaten – food – that’s done that.

I’ve had guys ask me to not make them cum – and I know some stuff about that and it doesn’t have to do with fucking being on the menu – and, okay, I’ll do my best to but I’m not going to be responsible if you do cum and if you don’t warn me, that’s your fault. I’ll end this with what I think is a funny story.

I’d spent an entire day with a woman and having sex with her and, yes, she sucked me off a couple of times during the festivities. Nighttime comes and she’s going to give me a ride home but… her car won’t start because the battery’s quite dead. So I gotta Flintstone it home and, fuck, it’s gonna be a long walk but that’s fine. I’m walking along when a car slows, then stops alongside me and a guy rolls down the window and asks me if I want a ride. I quickly do a risk assessment and, okay, if he gets weird, I’m gonna do my best to fuck him up. I accepted his offer because… girlfriend wore my ass out and I’m more tired from walking.

I get in and tell him that it’s okay for him to let me off where he lives because it’s only a few blocks from where I live and then he asks me… how much I would charge him to suck my dick. I’m finding this funny – my sense of humor – and I’m throwing ridiculous numbers at him for the fun of it but deep down inside, yeah – sucking him off (and he had asked how much he’d have to pay for me to suck him off) doesn’t sound like a bad idea right about now. I’d do it for free but since he’s offered money, I tell him that it’ll cost him $20 – $10 to suck me off and $10 for me to suck him off. He readily agrees and, a few minutes later, we get to his place and go straight to his bedroom.

We get undressed and onto the bed; he goes to suck me and pulls back like my dick tried to bite him and says, “You’ve had this in pussy!” Well, um, yeah – I most certainly have and did. Now he’s going off because I smell like pussy and… it pissed me off. I’ve already got his $20 in my pocket and… the devil jumps on my shoulder and says, “Blow his brains out!” Now we’re tussling because I want his dick in my mouth; he’s yelling about not wanting anything to do with me because I fucked a woman and I said, “You paid for it so you should get your money’s worth!”

He relents and I get to sucking him and, yeah, this is what I needed and I’m going at him and like I would any other guy and he starts screaming at me to… not make him cum. Despite my dick being “pussy-flavored,” he moves to get into position to suck me and, hmm, he sure acquired the taste of pussy pretty quickly and I know he’s sucking me as a distraction to keep me from making him cum and… that doesn’t work on me all that much because, from the beginning, I had to learn how to stay focused on sucking a dick while mine was being sucked. He stops sucking me and screaming at me not to make him cum too fast and… that sounds like a great idea!

In real time, we’ve only been at this for a couple of minutes and after he begged me to not make him cum too fast, it only took me another thirty seconds or so (and, yeah, I kept count in my head) to make him cum and it made me feel so good to feel his dick pumping it in and it didn’t taste bad at all and… he was pissed and I didn’t much care that he was. Now he says that he’s not going to suck me off and that I have to give him $10 back – but he gave me a $20 bill and I only had like $3 in my pocket. I tell him this and he’s even more pissed but says that he’s going to suck my dick but “Don’t cum in my mouth!” Which had me scratching my head (in my head) but, okay… I guess. Dudes are so weird sometimes.

Honestly, I didn’t think I would because… he’s not all that good at it but, I dunno what happened but he got good at it and I tell him that I’m gonna cum – three times. He even looked up at me the second time I told him and nodded so, okay, he understood me but he kept right on sucking me and I cum. I hear him go “urp” but he’s swallowing it and when he got done… he was well and truly pissed because I came in his mouth after he told me not to.

And I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I managed to ask him, “If you didn’t want me to cum in your mouth, why didn’t you stop when I told you three times that I was gonna cum?”

He didn’t answer me; told me to get the fuck out of his house and that he never wanted to see me again because I made him cum too fast and I came in his mouth.

Have I ever told you how fucking weird and funny guys are? I saw him a couple of days later and, no shit, he saw me coming toward him, recognized me and… turned around and went back the way he came and cussing me out the whole time. Some other guy who happened to witness this asked, “What the fuck is wrong with him?” and I said, “I have no idea…” but, of course, I did know what was wrong with him.

“Don’t cum in my mouth” should always be respected. I learned that those who got traumatized by cum in the mouth has to get up a lot of nerve just to suck a dick again and I respect what that takes and, again, you never cut loose in someone’s mouth without their permission and if you do, most people aren’t going to accept you saying that you didn’t mean to and it was an accident… because men have a bad reputation for doing it on purpose. Two guys decide to suck each other and it’s their first time doing such a thing and… don’t cum in my mouth gets put out there and… it happens anyway and, well, what did you think was gonna happen if you did it for the right amount of time and in the right way?

Now, in this somewhat humorous situation, it’s all about whether the guys in question find that, hmm, that wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be or as they’d been told it is. A guy online asks, “Do you always swallow?” and it’s a good question because sometimes I don’t – but it’s not because I’m afraid to swallow it. Hints of a bad taste; it’s taking too long to get him off; he’s either said or done something to piss me off and now, if he cums, it’ll be all over my hand and definitely not in my mouth and like he expected and he expected it because… that’s the way it’s supposed to be when dudes suck cock but, yeah, guys will invoke “don’t cum in my mouth” because they haven’t acquired the taste or… they’re afraid to for some reason and, yeah, I’ve have guys tell me not to because… it’s gay.

Um, hmm, isn’t a guy sucking a guy’s prick a thing that gay men are known to do? A guy tells me not to cum in his mouth because he knows (for a fact) that if I do, he’s going to turn into a gay man. If you’re laughing, trust me – I was laughing, too. I have had guys tell me this… because they actually want me to cum in their mouth and not unlike reverse psychology… and, um, guys are weird.

The dramatic reality some women wind up knowing in that if they exercise their right not to suck a guy off – and especially in a relationship setting – there’s a chance that someone else might wind up doing it… and it just might be another guy and then… getting a guy to do it might not have anything to do with you but a lot of women find this hard to believe. “Don’t cum in my mouth” can cause… performance issues; indeed, I have sucked off quite a few guys who have told me that they can’t cum like that and… I know why they can’t… because women have conditioned us not to.

They’ve been surprised when I’ve made them cum, quickly or otherwise. Oh, yeah it’s true – if you wanna get sucked off and your cum swallowed, there are plenty of men who’d give their right arm to suck that cum right out of you. I understand and know how nice it is to… just suck a dick but also knowing that at some point, he’s gonna cum and he might be prone to cumming and not wanting to stay around for anything else and… occupational hazard. Despite preferences and other social niceties, I have been of a mind that if you suck a man’s dick and demand that he not cum in your mouth – but that winds up happening – um, really: What did you think was gonna happen or what could happen? And do you really believe that we have some kind of absolute control over it?

ln the early part of my relationship with my current lady, she’s giving me a blowjob and, whew, oh, boy, she’s doing a number on me and I’m “automatically” on hold and enjoying the orgasms she’s giving me but now I gotta cum and I tell her and move away from her and… she asked me why. I tell her that it’s bad form to cum in a woman’s mouth without her prior permission to do so and she hadn’t given me that permission and I didn’t expect her to. She… jumps dead in my case about it and, rightfully, tells me that she can suck me off any damned time she wants to or feels like it and… sucks me off. But she was miffed that I pulled away… because, as she would say later, she knew that if she’s giving a guy a blowjob – and there’s not going to be any fucking – then sucking him off is the thing that has to be done and… that’s how male cocksuckers tend to feel about it.

It’s always comes down to preference and reserving the right to change your mind. If you get told to not cum in their mouth, then, duh, don’t do it. Accidents are not likely to be understood or forgiven and definitely not forgotten. If you can’t warn them, then just move away or, if you have to, move them. I… understand some stuff about this that can be, at times, quite humorous… just as I understand some stuff that is anything but humorous when it comes to “Don’t cum in my mouth!”

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 19 May 23, 1503 hours

I’m finding myself actually interviewing a guy who found me online and, “inexplicably,” decided that I was the guy he wanted to have his first cocksucking experience with. When I first signed up on that site (and, later, that app), I’d been gob smacked by the number of guys my age and older who were looking for their first experience. Yes, prior to the online world, I was running into such guys “on the street” but in rather small numbers.

The site/app revealed that there were more guys into this than I could have imagined. Okay… I knew there were a lot of men into this but it’s one thing to invoke the law of averages and something else to be able to see it… and them. “Joe” was a 52-year-old, married, white male with children who’d told me that he’d been looking for the right guy to take the plunge with for a couple of years. He’d said that he had found my profile accidentally and when he expanded his search radius from five to ten miles – and expressed great surprise to see so many men who were closer than he previously knew of.

I knew the feeling all too well. So, the first question I asked him was why did he want to do this? Followed quickly by asking him to tell me everything that led up to him making this very major and life-changing decision. He said that he knew that guys were into this because, growing up, some of his friends were experimenting with and on each other but his very religious upbringing demanded that he not do what they were doing. He’d said that he hadn’t gotten his dick sucked for the first time until his wedding night (that admission actually made me blink) and that as he watched his new bride fellate him (his word, not mine), he’d “somehow” started wondering what it would be like to do what she was doing.

He had said that he had asked her what it was like for her, and he hadn’t mentioned exactly what her answer was but he allowed that she had a hard time explaining it but that just increased his “strange desire” to find out. While he’s typing his ass off, I’m recalling the number of guys I’d encountered who also got curious about sucking dick by watching a girl/woman doing it and asking her what it was like for her but, still, I was intrigued to be talking to a man many years my senior who got “attracted” to cocksucking and as guys did way back in my youth.

Joe had even asked me how I got into it and my fingers flew across the keyboard to give him the short version of it; he said that it surprised him that (1) I got started at such a young age and (2) I hadn’t had any “prior interest” in such things but I’d said that I felt that my excitement – and getting hooked on it – left a greater impression on me because I didn’t have any “preconceived notions” about it. Of course, he asked me what it was like and… I’m pretty sure that I did an even worse job of explaining it as his wife had done and it all boiled down to me telling him that the only real way to find out is… to do it.

And then spend the next two or three days telling him why he shouldn’t. I had long accepted that for a great many men – and men in relationships – the only ways for them to experience this is to either cheat on their woman or get permission – and knew what guys who asked for permission and didn’t get it had told me about how that went for him. I’d also learned to not only state the pros of this but to tell truths about the cons involved and without “biting my tongue” about them. In my mind, this was also… a test because, again, I’d learned that there were a lot of guys who wanted to experience this and to satisfy their curiosity, but they proved to be unwilling to risk everything to find out once I let them know how very wrong this can go for him and his relationship.

And learning that even when you lay it all out for a guy and he still wants to experience it, well, okay because, if nothing else, it can never be said that he wasn’t told about the potential – and very bad – consequences. Joe had said that I’d given him a lot to think about and that he needed some time to decide if satisfying his curiosity was worth losing everything. Believe it or not, I… liked talking a guy out of doing this and more so when I could “get inside his head” and see that he wants to do something that’s seriously going to change his life and… their head wasn’t in a right or good place and, yeah, as far as I was concerned. Having any kind of sex with a man takes a certain level of commitment that’s not easy for me to explain and especially when there’s more bad stuff about it than there is good stuff about it and saying that you want to do this because “everyone else is doing it” is… the wrong reason to do it or harboring ill will toward homosexual men is another red flag for me and also tells me that, dude, do you not understand that if you’re a dude and sucking a dude’s dick, it’s homosexual sex so bashing homosexuals… doesn’t make sense.

Yeah, you need to leave this alone if that’s where your head is.

The next day, Joe calls me and tells me what he’s decided and… could I come to his house tomorrow? I ask him multiple times during our conversation, “Are you sure that you want to do this?” and, yes, he’s sure and admits that it’s… got him hard in anticipation and he can’t wait to finally put an end to his curiosity. I have to add that during the course of our conversations, he expressed surprise at how concerned I was for his well-being in this and spoke to a lot of guys who didn’t seem to care that this would be his first time; guys who were, in his estimation, quite rude and pushy and, well, many of the same things I was seeing as well.

“This is a life-changing decision you’re making and since I’ve seen so many guys totally fuck up their lives behind this, I had long since decided that I didn’t want to be responsible for a guy’s life getting screwed up and because I didn’t tell him what he was getting himself into,” I said.

And I confirmed that I would see him tomorrow at 11 and as requested. I could only imagine what was now going through Joe’s mind, but I knew what was going on in mine. I was excited but it was tempered because I knew how this could go sideways; how many times had I gotten to this moment with a guy and shit happened and, sometimes, shit that even I didn’t anticipate or see coming? I put it out of my mind and turned my thoughts to other things that required my attention.

I’ll admit that as I stood at Joe’s front door and after ringing the bell, I was nervous… but that was normal for me. You’d think that having a dearth of experience in these things, I wouldn’t be but, for me, it was the same kind of nervousness I experienced… as a musician and having to perform in front of a lot of people: Stage fright is some serious shit and those in the know say that if you aren’t going through this and to some degree, you need to share whatever you’ve been smoking. I had to shut my mind down and keep it from going through every cotton-picking thing that could go wrong and very wrong and thinking about “performance” and in the sense of being able to guide Joe through this watershed moment for him and, yeah, to 100% get it right for him.

I’d had this going on in my head and holding my attention that I hadn’t realized that Joe had answered the door and almost jumped out of my skin when he invited me inside. Once I made sure my skin was still where it was supposed to be, Joe and I spent maybe ten minutes talking about… a lot of nothing; in my mind, I shrug and even laugh at this moment because it just happens and the next event will be… the pregnant pause, that weird-assed moment when all the talking has been done and now… it’s time to do or do not and that includes which one of us is going to break the pause in some way. This moment can… last a while. Anywhere from a couple of minutes to almost a half an hour in one of my previous encounters.

For me, this is what I mean by it’s one thing to think you want to do this and you can do it… and this is the moment when reality bitch-slaps you because unless you call it off, it’s gonna happen. So, Joe and I are maybe a whole minute into the pregnant pause and just kinda/sorta looking at each other and I know he’s thinking about anything else that needs to be said or a question to be answered and we both asked at the same time, “Are you ready?”

We laughed and I said that I was ready and to “prove” that I was, I stood up and got undressed; we had agreed that we would not do this in the bed he shared with his wife. I’m… not really looking at Joe as I strip but I can see – and feel – him looking at me; I see him stand and strip down and now we’re both naked and eyeballing each other and now it’s time for Joe to see and prove to himself that he can actually take another man’s prick in his mouth. I know this is and can be a bad moment for a guy; again, the reality of it just kicks your ass and can send your mind into a tailspin and Joe’s either going to take the plunge or… he won’t be able to. Was I surprised when he knelt before me and just slurped me into his mouth? Yes and no but I was impressed that he didn’t hesitate.

I stood there and… let him find his way. I did get surprised when he put a hand on my belly and pushed me backward and made me sit down on the sofa and wasn’t surprised when he moved to get on the sofa and inverted himself and, yeah, there’s his cock and it’s hard and “discolored” from all the blood used to make him nice and hard and I took him into my mouth; I hear and feel him moan and, yeah, getting arranged comfortably on the sofa is difficult and… we fell off the sofa and onto the floor – but the action continued despite this – I had the forethought to grab onto him and take him with me when I slid off of the sofa.

He’s learning how to suck dick “on the fly” and I’m putting everything I’ve ever learned about sucking dick into play and enjoying myself; Joe stops sucking me and he’s moaning (and, yes, calling on God and all that) and I know he’s about to cum and before he tells me that he is and he exploded into my mouth; gobs of thick, salty, cum hit my tongue before I swallow them and I kinda “held him” as his release ran its course. Now, another moment of truth and one that all guys face: Can he continue? Yeah, that fucking refractory period is a motherfucker and a half and then some and most guys… cum and want to be anywhere other than where they are and doing anything other than continuing to have sex.

Joe impresses me; he’s done cumming, his cock is soft in my mouth and I reluctantly let him go and he goes right back to sucking me and he’s doing a good job of getting me to the moment when I’m gonna hit the point of no return and I say, “I’m gonna cum…” and as I had promised I would; this is his chance to stop and, as some guys have done, jerk me off but, as so many have done, he just nods – I can feel him nodding – and moans his understanding that I’m going to cum if he doesn’t stop now – and picks up his pace. I can hear and feel his exertion and… I cum.

Trying to explain what this feels like has always been a problem; it’s like, ‘Oh, shit!’, ‘Oh, no!’, and “Yessss…” all at the same time; I can feel my dick pumping into his mouth but it’s also like I’m not really aware of what’s going on and, yeah, hard to explain and the reason I’ve said – and when I’ve been asked what it feels like – “It feels good!”

He lets go of me and we separate and I ask him, “Are you okay?”

“I’m more than okay!” he said. “I didn’t really know it could be like this! Did I do it right?”

“You most certainly did,” I said and truthfully. Now, you might be wondering what I’d say if I didn’t think he did it right and I would tell him… not what he did wrong but what he can do right because you do not crush a guy by launching into every little thing he did wrong and I understood that this makes no fucking sense because this is his first time so for me to expect a totally flawless blowjob is… unreasonable and unrealistic.

“Good, good,” he says. “I’m hungry – do you want a sandwich?”

I say that I do and we stumble to the kitchen on very shaky legs and he makes us sandwiches and, not unexpectedly, talking up a storm about what he was thinking and feeling and, importantly, what he was thinking and feeling right this moment. Yes, he felt guilty and we talked about that; he said that he felt… relieved to have finally gotten his “fantasy” made real and we talked about that, too.

“So, now what?” he asks after we finish eating and rehydrating.

“That depends on you,” I said. “What would you want to do at this point? Whatever you decide is fine with me.”

I wasn’t surprised that he wanted to go again but there was a 50% chance that he was done for now, too. We didn’t bother with the sofa; we just laid down side by side and got after each other and I could feel and sense his confidence because, of course, when we were talking about this, he was very worried about not doing it right. Round two is taking a lot longer than round one did and this is his time to… work on his technique; he deep throated me and, I thought, easily – he didn’t gag or suddenly barf all over me. He’s doing to me what I’m doing to him and, as such, he’s learning and this time, there’s no need to announce that we’re going to cum and I cum first and he’s a moment or two after me and, whew.

He invites me to shower with him and I take him up on it because I know I’m all sweaty and funky and the only thing that happened in the shower was… we both got clean but he’s talking up a storm and I’m smiling because I know he’s going to be okay but aware that once this all sinks in, he might not be all that okay…

Which is why I told him, as I prepared to leave, that if he wants to talk more about this or he’s not “feeling good” about what we’ve done, he should call me. I wasn’t back at home for a good ten minutes before Joe called. Excited. Scared. Back to excited. I spent almost two hours on the phone talking to him until I was convinced that, going forward, Joe was going to be okay with what he’d done… and committed to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Two days later, I get a call from… Joe’s wife. I’m thinking, “Oh, shit!” and about to get into defensive mode when she said, “I’m calling you to thank you for what you did for my Joe… and so he can stop asking me what it’s like to suck cock!”

She goes on to tell me that he told her what he’d done and she’d said that she knew he was going to find out what it was like and was of a ‘what’s taking him so long’ frame of mind. “You dealt with him in a very respectful and truthful way and, well, I just wanted to call you and thank you and, yes, he and I are okay with it.”

Whew. I haven’t gotten calls like this a whole lot and the couple of them I did get… weren’t nice, to be nice about it. I’m sitting and thinking about all of what happened and I’m happy that another man was able to satisfy his curiosity and with no impact on him. We never got together again and that was part of “his plan;” he had said he wanted to have more and different experiences with other men and more so when now, he knew how to give a blowjob and that, yep: It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be.

I know a lot of guys who have asked a woman what it’s like to suck dick; I know a lot of those guys got their curiosity piqued and enough that… they really wanted to know what it was like and “a lot” of those guys took the steps necessary to find out one way or the other, with and without consequences. The question that’s kinda hard to answer in this is, “If you know that you’re thinking about doing something that you’re not supposed to do, why would you do it anyway – and then, why would you risk everything?”

Like I said, it’s not an easy question to answer and even I know that I can explain it as best as I can and there are those who… can’t or won’t understand it. Like, shit, once you get this in your head, it’s almost “impossible” to get rid of it. You can suppress it – which a lot of men do – but it doesn’t really go anywhere and something that I’ve heard guys say, “I should have done this way before now…” This is, yet again, the part where I say that those of you who suck dick, male or female, well, you know what I’m talking about…

And for those of you who don’t know, well, it is my hope that I’ve given you yet another example of what makes us do what we do in these things…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 18 May 23, 1621 hours

So, today’s thoughts are prompted – and maybe inspired – by a forum member posting a question about… eating cum.

My first thought was, “Okay, he said it like that…” and I almost knew how his posting was going to feel because there’s been a “theme” in cocksucking that says there are feeders and eaters and, yeah, that.

Such terms tend to make me roll my eyes but, at the same time, I’m seriously biased toward cocksucking and swallowing cum because the way I learned it, if you suck a guy’s dick and he cums in your mouth – and I do mean directly in your mouth and not that porn shit you can see where a guy gets sucked and pulls away to do the money shot – you have two choices: Swallow it or spit it out.

The only exception to this “rule” is sucking dick as a prelude to fucking and, duh, right? Right. The nomenclature guys tend to use in this, again, makes me roll my eyes because I don’t think in such terms and… they’re silly but in the course of learning more and more about this, well, this is what can be learned.

Of greater important is me noticing that these are terms that… submissive cocksuckers tend to use and it doesn’t seem to be a coincidence. The forum member told his story about how being made to feel inferior to his male peers because he “bloomed later” than they did put him in the position of being the one to suck cock and swallow cum… because, at the time, he wasn’t able to ejaculate.

I went back into my memories and saw that, yep, there were guys who “preyed” on those who weren’t able to cum and not unlike the stuff I saw about cock size being a determining factor, i.e., the guy with the biggest dick was “the man” and the guy with the smaller dick was “the girl.” It just was what it was and Adult Me would one day theorize that it was what it’s always been like. One very salient point in this isn’t what I thought (or currently think) about such behavior; it’s me not doing shit like that; I’d suck a guy’s dick and even if he wasn’t able to cum because sucking dick is a lot of very addictive fun but I’m never going to lie: When I sucked a guy’s dick and he could unload his nuts into my mouth, it just didn’t get any better than that and, really, that is what’s supposed to happen… if you’re not afraid or otherwise opposed to it, i.e., you can’t or don’t want to acquire the taste.

You understood why girls either sucked and swallowed, sucked and you’d better not cum in their mouth, or sucked and spit it out (while giving you the evil eye) or… if they needed to suck a dick to save their life, they’d be dead. One girl told me that she’d rather eat pussy than to have our nasty pricks in her mouth and, well, that’s what quite a few girls did to avoid having sex with us boys. Which, as I’ve said time and time again, is one of the reasons why some guys turn to having sex with other guys and… to get their dick sucked and coating tonsils in the process.

I’ll get back to this one in a moment or two. I’m now trying to remember if anyone who sucked me off said anything to me about feeding them my dick/cum and… I’ll err on the side of caution and say that someone probably did… and I just didn’t pay any attention to it. I know it’s me and the way my mind works but… I’m not a feeder and it has a connotation that… doesn’t feel right to me. Likewise, I’m not an eater and for the same reason. I suck dick and I swallow cum and… that’s the alpha and omega of things. How someone else refers to this is… the way they refer to it and I have the right to not like their method of reference… but I feel that I should understand it.

Now we’re playing with words. I eat pussy… but does that mean that the woman is feeding me her pussy? Perhaps some would say that she is but, in my mind, nope but, sure, I can step back from my own biases and see that her offering me her pussy to eat isn’t all that dissimilar to her giving me a plate of food to eat and, as such, she is… feeding me.

What gets me when guys use these terms, it’s a part of the “upper level” thing of those who feed are dominant and those who eat are submissive and… my mind doesn’t work like that and, indeed, when we’re having this particular discussion, there are a lot of guys and including myself who feel that if we’re sucking cock, there is nothing submissive about it and we are, in fact, being the more dominant one. Or, like I told a guy one time, “Do you really think that you’re in charge of what’s going to happen? You might wanna guess again about that.

The thing that says that if you suck cock but don’t swallow, well, that’s not the way it’s supposed to go. Now, those of us who suck cock knows that we don’t have to swallow it or even allow it in our mouth if we don’t want to; I’ve had guys get miffed with me because they came in my mouth, and I spit it out. Why? Your shit tastes like shit! Ew… what the fuck have you been eating and drinking? One of the things Adult Me would consider was why cocksucking is said to be a submissive act and that one… gave me a few headaches from time to time but I learned that it was deeply couched in that stupidly low opinion we had about women and sex and, indeed, the established roles of male/dominant and female/submissive but not in a BDSM way; the man initiates sex and the woman submits to it… and that included her sucking his dick and taking a load in the mouth if that’s what he wanted her to do… and whether she actually wanted to or not.

I recognize that when I’m sucking a guy’s dick – or eating a woman’s pussy – I am, in fact, submitting to the act or, to play with words again, consenting to it. But I’m… very old-school about it. I suck cock (and swallow cum) and I eat pussy. I give – and get – head. Sometimes we talk about… feeling girly when sucking a guy off and that’s because… that’s what girls “are supposed to do” and, no, they don’t have to – but this is the source of why we feel this way because it got hammered into our heads that when it comes to sex, guys do this and girls do that and if you do something that a girl does, well, you see how this can get connected in our brains. I laugh to think of this as being girly by association.

I read the member’s post and his admission of being made to be a submissive cocksucker and eater of cum and the joy he gets from submissively… taking another man’s semen in his mouth and swallowing it. I “get it” – I just wouldn’t refer to this as feeding and eating and then applying dominance/submission to those connotations. The question I ask myself is… why do we make these references? I don’t have an answer yet and admit that I may never really find one – but I know what the guys who use these terms have to say about it. I’m not “feeding” my dick to someone who has consented to suck it; as far as I’m concerned, if they (a) allow my cum in their mouth and (b) swallowing it… that’s what they’re doing. Likewise, when I’m giving someone head, my mind just does not look at it or think about it in terms of them feeding me and eating whatever… juices they’re offering isn’t seen in that light; they came or squirted some stuff that unless it tastes bad, I’m all about swallowing it… because, why not?

I’ve heard “feeding” and “eating” and… have placed no importance on them. A woman tells me that she’s gonna feed me her pussy and, okay, that’s good because I sure as fuck want to eat it… but I’d never refer to her as a feeder and I sure as fuck wouldn’t make that assignment to the guy who’s giving me his dick to suck. A guy is cumming in my mouth and, ah, yes, so good, and I hear him say, “Yeah, eat that cum!” and… I hear him as I’m swallowing it and… I’m swallowing it and not eating it and… semantics. Wordplay more than anything else and, yeah, I’ve heard men and women say some pretty hilarious shit when they’re cumming and I’m the reason why they are and… no importance lent or placed. Not about dominance or submission in either the act itself or what the other person might be thinking about this.

Okay, I didn’t forget this: A lot of guys choose to get sucked off by other guys… because women are loath to do it and that includes sucking their dick – period. One of the all-time highlights of having a guy suck your dick is knowing that when you cum, he’s not only going to swallow it but he’s not going to complain about doing it and, yeah, like women have been known to do. As always and in this, this is not or ever is a condemnation aimed at women because, ladies, I know the same shit you do about sucking a guy’s dick and how much of an asshole he can be about it. I’m just the cocksucking dude that will put it out there that, ladies, if you’re wondering why guys do this – and wondering why your man is getting sucked off by other dudes – it’s because you have reason not to do it and that “tendency” to weaponize it, like the many guys I know of who have said that the only time they’ve ever been sucked off by their lady – after the sexual honeymoon was over with – was on anniversaries or birthdays.

Or, yeah, ladies, if you don’t suck your guy off, you can bet anything you want to that there’s a guy who will… because that’s what we do. But we… play games with this. Top and bottom, dominant and submissive; the guy with the bigger dick gets sucked but doesn’t suck and the guy with the smaller cock does all the sucking and he’d better swallow every drop of cum because if he doesn’t, his manhood can and will be called into question and there isn’t a guy I know who’d want to hear this shit… and some guys who, for reasons of their own, feel… less than manly when sucking a guy off and is more than willing to be fed a man’s cock – and in whatever way homey wants to feed it to him – and eat – and feast – upon his seed and like it’s the nectar of the gods and it’s their reason for living to be fed – and eat – a man’s cum and…

Have I ever told you how funny guys can be about this? I’m really trying hard to understand how these “modern male bisexuals” look at something as “simple” as giving a guy a blowjob and getting one. I… almost had a fit when my protege was talking about me fucking him and had said, “I can’t wait for the day when you breed me…” and my literal mind said, “You can’t breed a man because we cannot get pregnant and no matter how much cum you put in our backsides…” Yep, this is how my mind works and outside of the way other guys’ minds seem to work about this and, ah, expressing semen into each other’s mouths to be consumed or expelled.

I understand what the member had to say about feeding and eating; I think he did a good job of explaining why he feels the way he does and what being fed cock and cum also means to him and applies to his submissiveness and, yeah, it’s his purpose in life to always be the one to suck cock and swallow cum. I… just have a personal problem with “feeding” and “eating.” Yeah, I should be “better than that” and I am because I wouldn’t refer to it in these terms and their associated connotations but I recognize that it bothers me… because these are not the terms used or associated when I learned that sucking cock and swallowing cum is… one hell of a good time and so is someone sucking my cock and partaking of my cum and… why the fuck is swallowing cum so goddamned important to us?

I still don’t know. I have… ideas, like, when we swallow a guy’s cum, we’re also getting an “extra dose” of testosterone – and on top of what we already have and this… does some stuff that I know I can’t really explain – but I know about it because I’ve felt it myself. The rule I grew up with is that if you suck dick, you swallow cum and if you’re being sucked, you’d better cum… or you ain’t shit, dude. Dealing with some stigma that says if I suck your dick and fail to get you to cum, that’s my fault and I’m no good at sucking dick. Those things, growing up, were pretty harsh and set in granite until, of course, when your friendly neighborhood nerd learned some shit about sucking dick and cumming and, yeah, I don’t have to swallow your shit if I don’t want to – and I don’t have to suck your dick, either. What… you can’t ask me any better than that? You wanna play games with it? Go find someone else to play with… because this is some very serious shit for me and when it comes to giving and getting head.

And that includes… not playing word games with it. Suck dick, swallow cum – but eat pussy. Feeding and/or being fed? I can see it but I’m at a loss at how this really plays into someone being submissive and how that affects and impact their personality and sense of self and… I’m learning and, oddly enough, those who are of a BDSM frame of mind and behavior.

Friends, at the end of any day, this is gonna be whatever you call it and how you see it applying to yourself. If someone says to me, “Feed me your cock…” I guarantee you that if you’re looking at me when you say it, you’re going to see me frown even if for a split-second… because my mind doesn’t work like that. I very much remember my very gay boyfriend telling me one day, after he pounced on me and sucked me off, “I love to eat your cum!” and… that’s just what he said. I didn’t, at the time, associate his submissiveness with him using the word “eat” – but why would I when, again, my noodle doesn’t work like that? I can make the association now because… of submissive cocksuckers who like to use the words “feeding” and “eating.” Yep, that was my boyfriend. As submissive in sex as the day is long and then some – and it made me insane because… guys aren’t supposed to behave like this but, oh, yeah, he’s gay and effeminate and…

I give up. Well, not really, because being able to understand this is… important and more so when I don’t have a problem with guys sucking me off any more than I have one sucking them off. I’ll eat a pussy without thinking about it – but if girlfriend wants to say that she’s feeding it to me, okay – it’s what she’s thinking in that moment but, now it begs the question of, when it comes to eating pussy, is there dominance and submissiveness in this, too?

Y’all tell me… because I really wanna know…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 25 April 23, 1416 hours

I was hanging out with “Kenny,” talking about homework, in-school work and classes, homework, girls and… that he’d walked in on his brother and his brother’s friend sucking each other off. He’d said that he had stood there watching for a couple of minutes before the guys noticed him and told him to “Get the fuck out and you’d better not tell anybody or we’re gonna kick your ass!”

“I got the fuck out,” Kenny said with a laugh. “But, man, my cock was so hard! I wonder what that’s like?”

A little yellow flag climbed up the flagpole in my mind and in anticipation of his next question and I had slices of seconds to decide how I was going to answer him if he did ask what I thought he might ask and… he didn’t disappoint, well, kinda. His first question was, “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to do that with a guy?” and my answer, honestly, was, “No, I’ve never wondered about it…” because I’d been sucking dicks for about six years so there was no need for me to wonder what it would be like.

Now I’m considering his next questions which could be (a) asking why I never wondered about it or (b) asking me if I’d ever done anything with a guy. Instead, he started telling me how he was feeling as he watched his brother sucking his friend’s cock. First, it was a double shock to see sex happening between two guys and one of them was his brother; the next was saying that he had no idea that his brother – or his brother’s friend – were even into that.

“I couldn’t stop watching them,” Kenny said, his voice low and soft. “I knew I should have eased out of the room and act like I didn’t see it but, man, I saw them doing it and… I wanted to do it, too!”

I just nodded but I’m still waiting. He goes on to say that he’d never really seen his brother’s cock and was surprised at how it looked when it was hard; he didn’t say anything about the other guy’s dick but I could tell that recalling this was stimulating him because he had a tent in his pants. In my mind, it’s not a matter of if he’s going to ask The Question – it was purely a matter of when he was going to ask.

“If a guy asked if he could suck your cock, would you say yes?” he asked.

“Yeah, I would,” I said. Kenny’s eyes lit up and he’s got that surprised look in his face and… wait for it…

“Have you ever let a guy suck your cock?” he asked.

“Yeah,” was all I said. I liked Kenny; he was my “kind” of guy – smart, unassuming, funny, and just an all-around good guy which is why I had already decided to say yes when he gets around to asking The Question.

“What was it like?” he asked and leaning closer and like I was about to tell him the greatest secret ever. I do my best to tell him what it’s like to have a guy suck my dick and told him that, honestly, I’d been having sex with guys for a while and that it’s the reason why I’ve never wondered about it… because I’ve been doing it.

He’s processing this and I’m watching him think and I already know what his next question is going to be.

“So, um, uh, if I said that I wanted to suck your cock, you’d be okay with it?” he asked.

“Sure – we’re friends, aren’t we?” I asked. The only two things left at this point is where and when although “when” was going to be “now” but once he figured out the where part. Which he did and rather quickly; he knew of a treehouse that a bunch of guys had built and anyone could use it and… off we went.

He’s nervous and excited and asking me about the first time I did it and when was the last time – and I told him that it was yesterday – and all that did was get him even more excited. What did I do when he shot cum – and was he even doing that? He told me that he was and found out when he was beating his meat – and something he had started doing earlier in the year – and he had me laughing over his reaction to ejaculation for the first time; I regaled him with my first time cumming and we’re laughing about that and… we’re at the treehouse and complete with the “usual” boards nailed to the tree and serving as a ladder.

As we climb up, I’m thinking that the guys who built this had nothing better to do than to build it in the tallest tree they could find; I’m not afraid of heights and it wasn’t like I hadn’t done my fair share of climbing trees but, damn! But we make it to the treehouse and it’s pretty sturdy and had stuff in it for comfort and now… the awkward moment has arrived.

“I’m kinda scared,” he says. “But I’m excited, too!”

“Yeah, I can tell,” I said, glancing down at the tent in his pants and the wet spot. “Are you ready?”

“I guess so,” he said.

I maneuver around so I can get out of my pants and underwear, which was Kenny’s cue to shed his; I had the thought that if I said, “Boo!” at this point, Kenny would jump through the roof of the treehouse and right to the very top of the tree… and I started to but, nah, this is serious.

“Wow, your cock is kinda big,” he said.

“So is yours,” I said, returning the compliment. “I’m gonna show you how we can both do it at the same time, okay?”

“Okay,” he said – and I can tell that he’s in that “moment of truth” thing I’d been seeing in guys doing this for the first time.

I get him to lie on his side and do some “Twister-like” stuff to get into position and, without further ado, started licking and kissing his dick; he’s doing to me what I’m doing to him and I think that this is good because this is the part where most guys find out that they really didn’t want to know what it was like. I take the head of his dick in, swirling my tongue all over it – he does the same – and I stop to ask him if he’s okay; he says that he is; I asked him if he wants to stop and he say, “Hell, no!”

And I went to work on him. He’s trying to copy me but pretty much gave up because I can feel his dick trembling my mouth and I know he’s about to cum so I take him all the way down and let my tongue play along his shaft and… a gusher! I’m ignoring the pain I’m feeling because Kenny had been holding onto my dick and when he came, he… squeezed. His cum tastes more sweet than salty; it’s a bit thick and there’s quite a bit of it. He’s done and I didn’t expect him to finish sucking me but he surprises me and goes back to it and he’s really going for it and even managed to swallow all of me without gagging – impressive! But I can feel the pressure building up and I tell him that unless he stops now, I’m gonna cum in his mouth and… he doesn’t stop.

Funny how most guys don’t but I didn’t have a lot of time to ponder this because I’m cumming; Kenny’s doing his best to swallow it but he’s having some trouble – not unexpected because this is the moment where guys who don’t stop find out if they can acquire the taste or not. He… does well with it. I kinda prop myself up on an elbow to look at him and he’s… processing.

“Oh, man, I didn’t know,” he said. “Wow.”

“You okay?” I asked – and I asked because I’d already learned that some guys aren’t all that okay at this point in things.

“Hell, yeah, I’m okay,” he says. “We gotta do this again!”

“You mean now?” I asked – and went back down on him.

We went an impressive three times before neither of us could get it up again. Kenny is excited; he’s pensive, too, because he’s still processing all of this and then, “How come I never did this before?”

“A lot of guys say that but it’s okay,” I said, looking around the treehouse for my underwear.

We get dressed and spend a few minutes talking about what just happened; Kenny says that now he understands a little more about what he’d seen his brother doing. As we’re climbing down the tree, there’s a couple of guys at the bottom and they’re grinning.

“Yeah, I wonder what you two were doing up there?” the one guy says.

Kenny looks like he wants to disappear into thin air but I just smile and say, “We were probably doing what you mugs came here to do!”

They laugh, we laugh and the one guy asks, “Y’all feel like going again with us?”

I’m thinking not really but Kenny said, “Sure – why not? We’re game!”

Thanks for volunteering me, buddy.

Back up the tree. I didn’t know about Kenny but I’m “out of gas” but, okay – doesn’t mean that I can’t suck dick but I hope that I can recover enough so that I can, at least, get hard for whichever one of these days are going to be blowing me. I’m honestly surprised with myself; I’d gone through three intense rounds of cocksucking with Kenny and now I’m with one of the new guys and I rise to the occasion and even manage to cum! Kenny and I switch partners and, at this point, I’m grateful that these guys have to take a break… because I needed one myself. I check on Kenny and he’s… running on adrenaline and he’s pretty giddy as the four of us are talking and complimenting each other on cock size and the new guys are white (as is Kenny) and they’re pretty excited because, like so many people, they thought that Black guys were homophobic.

Yeah, right – sure we all are. Twenty minutes later, Kenny and I switch partners and it’s funny because this guy is trying to “out suck” me; he’s not bad at it but he gagged trying to take down all of me and, yeah, I’m showing off by taking all him down and holding him there and my goal is to… make him stop sucking me and give in to what I’m doing to him and, not to brag, but it didn’t take a whole lot to make that happen. He cums (and almost screaming for various entities to save him) and I’m… just going through the motions and maybe I gave up some cum; I’m sure I didn’t but I have an excuse; this is my fifth time cumming in the last, oh, three hours or so.

Kenny’s lost his mind. He wants to keep sucking dick but I’m not all that surprised by that; guys either find it to be the shit to end all shits or, eh, not to their liking all that much. Kenny wants to know if we have time to go at it again but I’m like, “No way, Jose!” and the other two guys are clearly “no longer interested for the moment” but they say that tomorrow would be good for them. I’m not committing to anything, but I had fun and so did Kenny; we’re walking back to this house and I’m truthfully telling him that not only did he do good, he did better that a lot of guys tend to do when it’s their first time. He’s so… hyper that it’s all I can do not to laugh at him but, yeah, I understand what he’s feeling.

“Man, I could spend all day doing this,” he said – and I laugh because I know the feeling… and I’ve spent quite a few days where all I did all day was suck dicks.

I hook up with Kenny like a week later and he tells me about all the guys he’s sucked off since we last saw each other including his brother’s friend! I’m impressed but, again, not surprised that he’s cock-crazy; it’s just one of those things that can happen when a guy finds that sucking dick really isn’t as bad as everyone says it is. Yeah, we go to the treehouse to blow each other and, again, I’m impressed because he’s obviously learned a lot in a week including how to deep throat without gagging.

I see his brother one day and he asks, “So, you got Kenny hooked on it, huh? We should do something.”

We did because why not? I get him off in like four or five minutes and he’s gasping for air and says, “Now I know how you got him hooked! Damn, dude, you ain’t no slouch!”

Yeah, I don’t think that I am but I’m glad he’s happy – and not of a mind to give me some shit because I showed his brother how to suck dick. I see Kenny again and think to ask, “Do you know what it’s like now?”

“Shit, yeah,” he says. “Hey, have you ever eaten a girl’s pussy?”

I liked guys like Kenny. Curious as all get out and eager to find out what things were like. Indeed, I was still learning about… cultural differences and attitudes about this and while there were a lot of guys – and ethnicity notwithstanding – who wouldn’t dare to get busy with a guy, white guys are… fun. Not that Black guys aren’t but it’s the… attitude? At the time, a lot of Black guys were very leery to do some cocksucking but maybe it was my good luck or something but almost all of the white guys I knew at that time were very damned curious and eager to do it and… there was something to this that, at the time, I couldn’t quite put together but, eventually, I did.

I might write about that some other time.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 March 23, 1604 hours

Gutter time! Kind of. The post asking if you swallow has been picking up steam – again. I find it “odd” that guys who actually don’t swallow have something to say about it like, okay, homey, if you only like and get your face painted with cum, um, that’s not swallowing it.

Just my opinion but if you lap up the cum out of a woman’s pussy, that’s kinda not swallowing it either since you’re literally not getting it straight from the pipe and taking it straight to the head. If homey snatches the dick from you and jerks off to cum – and tries to get it in your mouth that way, okay, if you get some in there, you are swallowing what you get but it’s not the same as sucking his dick and not even thinking about taking it out of your mouth when he cums.

If you allow the cum in your mouth and spit it out, okay, he might not like that you did that but it is allowed per cocksucking etiquette… but kinda/sorta tasting it isn’t swallowing it, either. I poured through the recent comments and one member asked, “What’s the point in sucking cock if you’re not going to swallow?”

I agree with his assessment of this. One hundred percent. Sometimes, we reopen the topics about why swallowing cum is important or what swallowing it means – to the swallower or as a part of men having oral sex with each other and while I know about, have read about, and have heard a lot of stuff about the why of this and what it could mean, for me, it’s like this: The first time I had dick in my mouth, the guy came and… I swallowed it. Given that I didn’t even know that could happen, it wasn’t like swallowing it was intentional. I’m sucking his dick and, my goodness, this feels amazing! The taste of his dick, how the head of his dick felt in my mouth, other things my tongue was telling me as it roamed all over the place and the next thing I know, there’s this warm, thick, and kinda sweet stuff shooting into my mouth and I had a split-second to decide what to do with whatever the hell it was. It was a split-second too long because in the time it took for these thoughts to hit my consciousness, there was more of it coming and I was close to choking on it so… I swallowed it.

Years later, I would be thinking about this moment and wondered why I hadn’t spit it out and… I don’t know why I didn’t. I liked to tell myself that I made the “only choice I had” in that moment and even thought that swallowing his cum was “automatic” and not unlike having, say, a mouthful of water and, well, you have a mouthful of water, you swallow it. In the here and now, I just roll my eyes at my younger self and give him a high-five for swallowing it since, going forward from that watershed moment in my life, the “rule” always was if you suck dick, you’re supposed to take the cum in your mouth and… swallow it. In those early days, if you got cum in your mouth and spit it out – because it tasted horrible, didn’t feel right in your mouth or, as with me, there was so much of it that it was going to be a choking hazard – well, you were going to get talked about and not in a good way.

While some girls would suck and swallow, most wouldn’t – yep, it’s one of those acquired things that is right up there with, say, eating raw oysters and getting your head around having that very slimy (but tasty) thing in your mouth and either chewing it or, yeah, just swallowing it. I would learn why girls didn’t like having it in the mouth since, um, I knew what it was like to have it in my mouth but it seemed to me that swallowing a guy’s stuff was… more of a guy thing than a girl thing – but there were (and still are) guys who expect a woman to swallow their cum when she’s giving him a blowjob.

I also understood why the girls who sucked and swallowed would get pissed off if the guy didn’t cum in their mouth because I’d be doubly pissed over that one, too. What I didn’t understand was why that would make me angry other than the “rule” saying that if you get a blowjob, you’re supposed to cum in their mouth so they can swallow your cum. Yeah, I know y’all are looking at this and you have your own thoughts about it but, no shooting the messenger, okay?

If you were a guy who sucked dick and you didn’t swallow the cum, what kind of punk-assed chicken were you? Likewise, if someone was sucking your dick and you didn’t cum in their mouth – or didn’t cum at all – what kind of chickenshit shit was that and how come you don’t know how to get a blowjob?

Now, according to the adults I’d eavesdrop on, being a “scum sucker” was either a good thing – if female – and a seriously bad things – if male. I was confused – what’s the difference? Why is it okay for a girl to be a scum sucker but bad for a boy to be one since, um, they’re both doing the same thing? Ditto for sucking dick in the first place; good if a girl did it, bad for a boy to do it. Well, the answers came quickly and was clear that (a) sucking dick was something only females did and (b) even though boys did suck dick, we weren’t supposed to. I’m not even sure how the girls I grew up with knew that it was “their job” to suck dick but what I did learn was that some of them hated being assigned this “job.” I knew that some girls would suck a guy off because it kept the cum out of their pussy and sucking him off was… less painful than taking him in the ass and all for the purpose of maintaining their virginity. Then, of course, there were the girls who loved to suck dick and you’d better shoot it in their mouth – or else and you really didn’t want to know what that was going to mean.

Kid logic strongly suggested to us that if a girl wouldn’t (a) suck your dick and (b) swallow your cum, (c) let the cum in their mouth then, (d) there was a boy would do (a) and (b) and you didn’t want to be a guy who wouldn’t do (c). I’d grow up and the “justification” for guys sucking dick and getting sucked by guys was that dudes would do… what women wouldn’t. At the time this was making the rounds, I knew why females hated doing it because there were things I also hated about doing it, from guys being total dicks and assholes about it to their cum tasting incredibly horrible.

I took the stance that if a girl didn’t want to suck me off, they didn’t have to; I’d had too many girls give me a blowjob, I’d cum in their mouth – after warning them a couple of times that I was about to – and… I’d see the look on their face as they swallowed it or attempted to and, to me and clearly, they didn’t like it one bit. As a bit of an aside, there was that moment where (a) women were demanding to have their pussy eaten and (b) you stayed the fuck down there and dealt with all their… juiciness and whether you liked it or not. To me, this was a woman’s… “revenge” for being expected to swallow cum and whether they liked it or not. As such, a lot of guys weren’t getting their dick sucked because they refused to eat pussy and no one was putting up with token licks or sucks that “served” to qualify that, okay, you sucked the dick for a moment or you licked that pussy for a few seconds.

It remained true, however, that if you were a dude who sucked dick, you had to be one who swallowed, too… and I’ll be damned if I really know why. Not that I minded doing that but as I’ve mentioned before, in the decade of being in my 20s, I sucked off a lot of guys and usually because women wouldn’t do it for them or, if they did, they didn’t do it all that often. Guys were “flocking” to me because they wanted to know what it was like to be sucked off by a dude and if it was really true that dudes who sucked dick… swallowed cum and liked swallowing it. Well, they found out that I did but at the time, I personally didn’t know a guy who sucked dick who didn’t swallow.

Guys who wanted to know what it was like to suck dick knew that if they did, they were going to have to swallow cum and, again, I’ll be damned if I really knew why but, yeah, that’s just the way it was. Some of those guys were seriously leery about having it in their mouth, let alone swallowing it but there was this: If you sucked dick but didn’t swallow, your reputation would take a very serious hit and to the extent that dudes looking to get a blowjob would pass on you – and no matter how good you were at sucking dick. I personally did not know a single cocksucking male who wanted it to be known that they were lousy at sucking dick – and being lousy at it included not swallowing cum.

That was about the time I was running into cocksucking males who insisted that I not “bust a nut in their head.” Okay, I understood this but they had no qualms about busting one in my head and, well, that’s a problem because I thought – and still think – that it is totally fucked up that you want to cum in my mouth and expect me to swallow it – but you’re… exempt from this. I’d respect a guy’s or gal’s choice in this, but I didn’t have to like it but, yeah, even with women, I thought it was wholly fucked up that they’d want me getting drowned in their juices but if I asked them to suck me off, oh, fuck no! But that was okay – okay, no, it wasn’t – because I knew guys who would, and it wasn’t a question of whether they were going to swallow or not and woe be unto me if I couldn’t cum for some reason.

Some “stats.” I have been sucked off by more men than women. I have run into more men who don’t suck dick than I have women who don’t. I know more men who don’t eat pussy than I do women who don’t want to be eaten. I know more people who believe that oral sex isn’t really sex than I do people who know that, yeah, it is sex. I can count on one hand the number of men who have sucked my dick and didn’t want anything to do with my cum and that includes this one who was proven to be allergic to semen and one woman who was as well.

You just knew that, as a cocksucking male, that if you gave a guy a blowjob, he had to cum in our mouth so we could swallow it. He had to. Anything else? Dude… what the fuck is wrong with you? I actually broke a guy’s nose because he snatched his dick away and shot his load all over me and everything else. I hadn’t even been aware that I was throwing the punch and then only became aware that I had when my hand was coming back. I was pissed that he didn’t cum in my mouth and like he was fucking supposed to. I had to apologize and… take him in my ass as reparations (we had agreed that there would be no fucking) and he “brutalized” my butt and I took it because I shouldn’t have broken his nose.

Or gotten mad about him not cumming in my mouth… and like he was fucking supposed to. To steal the phrase from “The Mandalorian,” “It is the way.” I had to sit down with myself to find out why I’d gotten violently angry about it and… I had no answers. At first, I thought that it was an expectation I had because, well, that’s what I did in my very first cocksucking experience; from there, I knew, without a single doubt, that if I sucked a guy’s dick, he was expecting to cum in my mouth and expecting me to swallow it and, in turn, I sure as fuck expected him to deliver the goods so I could swallow the goods. I would come to understand that swallowing a guy’s cum was… very damned erotic. Sucking his dick and getting him to cum – and swallowing it – made doing it feel… complete. A high sense of satisfaction in knowing that I did it right as well as being unafraid to swallow cum. I even took a small pleasure of pride in knowing that I would do something that women wouldn’t do and it was a very small amount of pride because, of course, I knew why they wouldn’t because I can’t tell you how many times I swallowed a guy’s cum and didn’t like it one bit – and it wasn’t always because his shit tasted nasty.

There were those guys who wouldn’t swallow and… I wasn’t going to be one of those guys. It was becoming clear to me that the most “prized” men and women were those who sucked dick and swallowed cum and I was going to be one of those guys. I realized that I was so orally fixated that I did not want to be known as a guy who (a) couldn’t suck dick and swallow and (b) couldn’t eat pussy to a woman’s satisfaction. The thought of it was – and still is – anathema to me but, yeah, you can’t please everyone but it sure the fuck is fun trying to; in those moments of failure, yeah, it was a bitter pill to swallow but the question I had to ask myself and answer was… did I have fun trying to please them this way?

Yeah, I did because it’s not the end result that mattered the most. A woman asks me, “Why do you swallow that shit?” and I’m sure I sounded like an idiot trying to explain it to her. For one, I liked doing it and, for the other, it is expected of me as a cocksucker. And, by the way, I’m expected to deal with feminine juiciness when eating pussy, aren’t I? Especially squirters. Swallowing it was, to me, just as much a part of giving head as swallowing cum was; I found it to be satisfying but, importantly, so did the person I was giving head to.

Okay. HIV arrived and, well, that fucked everything up. Ah, but your friendly neighborhood nerd read a lot of stuff about this and especially the reports that said that you can’t get HIV by kissing someone who may have the virus. Oh, really? Why? Your FNN dug into the science and learned something about… saliva. It doesn’t just keep our mouth moist and important for gum health, but it also contains enzymes that has the purpose of starting the process of breaking down food and drink so that our stomach can finish the process. I knew that our stomach contain hydrochloric acid and of a kind that very few things survive being in our stomachs, oh, like corn, for example. But between saliva and stomach acid, HIV doesn’t stand a chance and the only way one can get it by giving head is if their mouth is unhealthy and, specifically, suffering from bleeding gums. Okay; if the virus can’t get access to your blood, you can’t get it. Good stuff to have found out about. So, while fucking someone had taken a very major hit, giving head was recovering from a similar hit but it also paid to be extra careful about who you put your mouth on… but that was always very important.

Today, the vaunted CDC says that there’s a four percent chance of getting an STD of any kind in your mouth. Four percent. There are guys who lost their ever-loving minds about this factoid and, well, they lost their fucking minds about it. Not only were they not going to suck dick, they weren’t ever going to let cum in their mouth… but these same guys… eat pussy. I’d like for you to think about that one for a moment and then think about this: If the CDC says that there’s only a four percent chance of getting something nasty in your mouth, that also means that there’s a ninety-six percent chance that you won’t. Hmm, sounds like some damned good odds to me. Yeah, sucking dick – and eating pussy – should be done with the health of the person you’re gonna give head to in mind because, again, that’s the way it’s always been done if you’re smart about what you do. If a guy checks out and I feel it’s safe to suck him, that cum is getting swallowed because, as the forum member asked, what’s the point of doing it if you’re not going to swallow it?

You may disagree but the whole point of giving a guy a blowjob is to make him cum and to swallow it. Spitting it out is still optional. I’ve had men and women spit mine out and… I don’t fuss about it because I’ve spit a guy’s cum out more times than I can readily recall. One day, I happened to… notice something. I was horny, home alone, and decided that beating my meat would be a great thing to do right about now. I did and I came and it felt good. Later in the evening, I’m dick-deep in my wife, it’s feeling good and as usual and I came and my brain said, “Hey, did you know that cumming feels better when you cum in a place than when you don’t come in a place?”

Lemme get back to you on this because, um, I’m still cumming in her. She drifts off to sleep but I’m lying there thinking about this stray thought that dared to show up in that moment and that allowed my brain to go back and look at every time I jerked off and compared to every time I came somewhere in some one and, hmm, isn’t that interesting? I started looking at how guys would cum when (a) they jerked off (and I’m there with them while they did it ) and (b) when they’d cum in me and what they said about cumming in someone or not doing it and my brain said, “Well, that’s probably because dudes are biologically programmed to cum in someone which would explain why cumming in someone mouth feels better than not cumming in their mouth.”

Of course, I had to test this… because I am a nerd, after all. I sucked the dicks of a few guys and actually paid attention to them when (a) they came in my mouth and (b) when it would reluctantly stop sucking them and jerked them off and since I used some scientific principles by doing both things to the same set of men, I noticed that they were more satisfied when they came in my mouth than they were went I’d jerk them off and finish them that way. I’d have sex with some women and on the condition that I pull out before I came in them and I compared those moments to the ones where I unloaded in them and, yeah, it felt good to cum but it felt better when I could cum in them and compared to spraying all over the place.

I figured out how to give myself a blowjob and, yeah, that is one fucking weird sensation because I know what it feels like to suck a dick and to be sucked and it was worth the pain I put myself through in order to experience both sensations at the same time… and it felt better when I came in my own mouth than in the times I came and not in my mouth. And, um, reconfirming that my cum still tasted good and, indeed, it “tasted better” to shoot it in my mouth than it did when I’d lick it off my hand after jerking off. And different still when I’d cum in a woman and go right back down on her, eating her pussy and tasting – and swallowing – my cum as it flowed out of her. That’s a lot of fun, by the way. Just saying.

What does this have to do with sucking dick? It has everything to do with it, as it turns out and it made sense to me that swallowing his cum completed the act of him ejaculating and since he was cumming in my mouth, it felt… better to him and, well, his cum is in my mouth and swallowing it… just made sense and on top of giving me that sense of accomplishment and more so when it’s not really that easy to get a guy to cum like this… which is one of the reasons why women don’t like sucking dick and even when they want him to cum in their mouth. But there was always the expectation that, again, if you were male and a cocksucker and giving a blowjob, swallowing his cum was also expected and… what I figured out just might have something to do in this – it feels better to him to cum in the mouth than not doing that but as one who swallows, well, um, it can taste pretty good and it’s in my mouth already so swallowing it makes sense and more so when there are so many cocksuckers who can’t or won’t swallow cum.

It’s just… part of the job. I have said that if I suck ten guys, eight out of those ten times, I’m swallowing the cum. One of those times, I’m going to spit it out because, yuck, it’s just nasty to taste; the other time is, um, I want to watch him cum or I’ve been sucking his dick “too long” and even I get tired of doing it.

Being able to find dicks to suck online was a boon… in the beginning anyway. Again, one of the first pieces of information to be exchanged was (a) do you suck dick and (b) do you swallow? I could see that I stood a better chance of being able to suck dick because, you’re damned right – I swallow – than the guys who sucked dick but didn’t or wouldn’t or, what the fuck… they wanted the cum on their face? Dude, this ain’t porn – this is real-life cocksucking and “everybody” knows that if you suck cock, you take the cum directly into your mouth and swallow it! Anything else is not giving a full and complete blowjob! Those men who were opposed to swallowing would ask why and, well, shit, I don’t know why but what I do know is that… this is the way men giving a blowjob has always been.

It is the way. The perception remains that if a woman won’t suck cock and swallow cum, there are men who will and I learned that this very thing is the reason why some guys wanted to be sucked off by a guy. I would learn that this really isn’t a knock against women because, again, I know of the reasons why they won’t do it… a couple of other things that I’m not going to talk about today – I might one of these days. I’ve sucked off gay men. I’ve sucked off bi men. I have sucked off straight men… because a woman refused to do it. With few exceptions, I have swallowed their cum because I’m “supposed to” and, well, I love swallowing it; I got totally hooked on it from the first time I did it so, as far as I was concerned, not swallowing it… made zero sense. “Comparing notes” with the Band of Horn Brothers showed that they, too, sucked dick and swallowed cum… because that’s the way it was supposed to be done. Even then, the guys who swallowed were preferred over the guys who either spit it out or didn’t want it in their mouth and, yeah, the same with girls.

And I really and truly do not know why swallowing cum has so much importance. Okay, one of the things I and the BHB also learned that if we swallow the stuff, there’s no evidence that we did. Well, there was “dick breath” but it would be a few before we found out about this and the one thing you did not want to do was to suck a guy off, swallow his cum, and… have to, say, kiss your mom or, really, getting really face-to-face with someone who could smell your breath. But, kid logic said that if you swallow it, you don’t get it on you anywhere because we found out that if a guy shot all over you, there was a chance that you could miss some of it when trying to clean it off of you and, yeah, there were a couple of guys who’d have dried cum in their hair or on their eyebrows or somewhere else it could be seen and, ha ha – we know what you were doing!

Swallowing had some “purposes.” It felt good to make a guy cum so you could swallow it and… no evidence left behind. Hopefully. Yeah, a few times, I failed to get it off my lips and got teased behind it so, going forward, I swallowed cum and licked the shit out my lips, too. In a way, it was kinda fucked up knowing that some guys only liked me because not only would I suck their dick but I swallowed their cum. Yeah, another bitter pill to swallow and one worse than swallowing the nastiest tasting cum. I learned – and like girls did – that some guys did not appreciate being sucked off and swallowed or again, that was the only reason why you’d see them. With the pun intended, it sucked to be treated like this by guys who’d make you think that they liked you or was your friend and then find out that the only reason why they fucked with your feelings like this was you sucked dick and swallowed.

A very ugly and “dirty” feeling and one I had to learn how to… ignore or, really, not allow it to kill my joy of sucking dick and swallowing. I did not want to be known as that guy who was afraid to swallow it, or word got out that I was lousy at sucking dick – which included swallowing cum. Sometimes, I would fail to get a guy to cum and I learned some stuff about that, too, so it wasn’t always my fault but, yeah, if you sucked a guy’s dick and failed to make him cum, that’s your fault. I had to learn to not let that bother me because, again, the question I had to ask myself and answer was… was I having fun sucking his dick even though he didn’t cum? I did but I also learned that guys… don’t much care about anything other than how the blowjob gets finished. It served to make me really appreciate anyone who would suck my dick, let alone take my cum… because they didn’t have to and that sucking cock is just as much about the person doing it than it is about the person it’s being done to.

Again, I’ve been called a selfish giver of head because the main reason why I give head is… I fucking love to give head. It turns me on and like nothing else does. Sometimes, I’d rather give head than to fuck. Oh, my goodness. It is, to me, so damned intimate that it makes me wonder why there are people who don’t give or receive head. It’s a major rush to be sucking a guy’s dick and I can feel that he’s getting ready to cum and I damned well want him to… so I can swallow it. There is nothing better than going down on a woman and having her juices all over my face and in my mouth and squirters, yeah, baby girl, gimme all you got because it makes me feel stupidly good to get a woman to cum like this but if she’s not a squirter, that’s fine because… pussy tastes stupidly good. I learned that if I’m having a good old time giving head, the person I’m giving it to is having a good time, too, and the “proof” is them… cumming in my mouth so I can swallow what they’re giving me.

I’ve eaten women and have felt their clit… pulsing in my mouth and just like a guy’s dick does when he’s cumming. The whole point in giving a guy a blowjob is… to get him to cum so it can be swallowed. Guys who do not swallow aren’t looked upon with a lot of favor and, again, I learned to not expect someone to blow me and take my cum because I know why they might not want to. A guy was blowing me and I yelled out that I was going to cum and he stopped sucking me and jerked me off and when I came, he was smearing it all over his face and something inside of me was… irritated because not cumming in his mouth… didn’t feel as good as it would have if I could’ve cum in his mouth. He said that he hadn’t acquired the taste and I respected that because not respecting it… is pretty fucked up. I turned around and sucked him dry and ignored his pleas not to make him cum. Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen because I wanted – I needed – his cum so I could swallow it because not swallowing it – and doing what he’d done with me – was anathema. Unthinkable. The cum goes in me and not on me.

It is the way. The reality is… that it isn’t because cocksuckers have preferences, and some will not suck you off until they really get to know you better. I understand this but, um, I’m not one of those cocksuckers. If I’m sucking your dick, you know what’s going to happen because I will tell you what’s going to happen: I’m going to suck you until you cum so I can swallow it… if it doesn’t taste nasty and, if so, you’ll cum in my mouth – because I know that feels better to you – and I’ll let it dribble out of my mouth.

Because it is the way. There’s… no logic to it. I’ve swallowed cum and, um, let’s say that my digestive system didn’t like it all that much and I find myself sitting on the toilet. Hell, I’ve eaten pussy with the same results. It was… worth it, though. They’re happy and I’m beyond happy. A lot of guys feel that if they put in all the work that’s required to make a guy cum – and it can be a whole lot of work – then their reward for it is… being able to swallow the guy’s cum. Some apply some… mystical stuff to swallowing cum and I’ve mentioned that I’ve read a lot of stuff that backs this up; to take the essence of a man like this is, well, making him a part of you physically and, perhaps, spiritually and in a way that being fucked by him… doesn’t come close to.

It… defies explanation. It’s why I say that those of you who suck dick knows what I’m talking about and those of you who don’t, well, maybe you know what I’m talking about, but you don’t know it like those of us who do knows it.

13 March 23, 1150 hours

Yeah, something required my attention so I’m just now getting back to this… so I can post it. Probably should’ve done it yesterday but I didn’t think I was done with this. It’s a lot but swallowing cum is a very big deal among male cocksuckers…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 03 March 23, 1600 hours – Supplemental

So, um, since I wrote about tasting stuff, my mind kinda/sorta slid into the gutter and peeked at giving head. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many cocks I’ve sucked or pussies I’ve eaten but while “a lot” of bi guys are deep into fucking/being fucked, eh, that’s not really my jam.

I recall a moment when I was hanging with a guy and his lady and an impromptu threesome was proposed… by her. Well, okay, I guess; if y’all don’t mind, I sure as hell aint gonna mind. He was down for it but turned to me and said that I could only eat her pussy because fucking her was too personal and intimate and that was reserved for them.

I was okay with it but it did have me thinking about why he didn’t think that me having my face all up in her coochie wasn’t personal or intimate because it had always been my position that having my face all up in the coochie was both very personal and intimate. But, we proceeded to give her what she wanted; the experience of having sex with two guys. Things are going well, she and I are being very oral with each other and with him eating her (with me and without me) and in preparation of him fucking her and… things went a little “sideways.”

I’m going to town on her and I feel a hand on my dick… and it wasn’t hers because she had both of her hands on my head and pressing my face into her so hard that I thought she was trying to get my head inside of her. I didn’t say anything since, you know, I don’t have a problem with it. We do a switch; I’m kneeling next to her so she can suck me, but we’ve been at this for a while and my knees were talking about filing an injunction so I kinda “laid” down beside her so I could give my poor knees a break but she could keep doing what she was going (and doing it spectacularly well, I might add.)

He’s fucking her and I have a front-row seat to see his dick gliding in and out of her and I even managed to get in there and give her clitty some attention when the next thing I know, I have his dick in my mouth and, no, I didn’t make that happen, and… he’s cumming. I got a pretty good mouthful of his cum. It was… rather salty, pretty boozy since we’d been drinking and with a slight bitter note because we had also been smoking weed. I’m caught up in this very unexpected moment and I’m trying to get away from his dick to tell her that I was gonna cum but I can’t because (1) he’s still shooting into my mouth and (2) he’s holding my head in place and, shit, I cum in her mouth but not to worry – I was allowed to (and she wanted me to).

As I kinda moved away from her, she got a look at what was going on down there and said, “Well, ain’t that some shit?” and I’m thinking that a lot of shit is going to hit a very big fan and one of us has some explaining to do… and it wasn’t me. He’s blundering through why he shoved his dick in my mouth and came and I’m… still tasting his cum. I almost started laughing because I was sampling it like I would some good wine; kinda salty, boozy, bitter, and smoky. There was a lot of it and the consistency wasn’t unpleasant and like cum that’s really watery tends to be as far as mouth-feel goes in these things. I’m so busy pondering this that I missed her asking me if I was okay with what he did and once she repeated the question, well, damn, I guess I was gonna out myself.

“Yeah, I’m okay; it’s not like I’ve never sucked a guy’s dick before or swallowed his cum,” I said.

“What did it taste like?” she asked. “I’ve… I’ve never sucked him off before because cum tastes nasty.”

That didn’t surprise me because I knew a lot of girls/women who wouldn’t suck a guy off – because the word on the street was that cum tastes not only nasty but really nasty.

“It wasn’t bad,” I said. “I’ve tasted worse and a lot worse – but it is what it is.”

He had to admit that he had always wanted a guy to suck his dick and to cum in his mouth and, well, she wasn’t the only one who got to make a fantasy come true that day.

I’ve tasted and swallowed so much cum that I don’t really pay attention to how it tastes anymore – unless its taste manages to get my attention and guys whose cum is really salty or bitter will definitely get my attention and, as such, instead of swallowing it, I’ll just let it “dribble” out of my mouth; I’ve always felt that actually spitting it out sends a wrong message or, in a way, a “right” message that tells the other guy – and if he’s even paying attention – that his shit doesn’t taste all that good and it’s probably why women aren’t sucking him off (among other reasons).

Guys on the forum like to debate about whether it’s the taste of cum that’s da shit or swallowing it is and reviews always tend to be mixed but taste aside, the biggest thrill for me and sucking a guy off is… feeling his dick pumping cum into my mouth. Hearing him moaning and cussing and speaking in tongues – and if I’ve done my job properly – and even fucking into my mouth… provided he can move at all. Guys on the forum also debate about the best way to take a guy’s cum, from getting their face painted to being fed – homey jerks off and shoots the goo in either up close or from a distance – or the tried and very true method of having his dick in your mouth and it’s not coming out of your mouth until all his cum has been taken. Shallow or deep is… personal preference and I’ve had all of a guy’s dick in my mouth and his cum just goes right down the hatch and… I don’t get to taste it or, depending on how long his is, I might not even be able to feel it in my mouth – just feeling it sliding down my throat “unabated.”

That… kinda takes some of the fun out of having his cum in my mouth. A long time ago, I had to admit that I do… like to savor the flavor but, at the time, I didn’t understand why so much. Like I said in the previous scribble, it’s going to taste like whatever it’s going to taste like and unless homey makes me get “chipmunk cheeks,” it’s not like it’s going to be in my mouth for a “long time.” Back to a particular taste for a moment or two.

I’ve had cum in my mouth and the way I can only describe how it tastes is… musky and I figured out that it tastes “musky” because his semen is quite alkaline and, man, I hope it doesn’t have me killing someone to get to a toilet. but, thankfully, this… problem isn’t one that I’ve had and as a matter of course. It’s musky and with degrees of bitterness and tends to be kinda watery in consistency and, well, those are tastes and sensations that I don’t find to be all that pleasurable but, okay – that’s why it’s okay to not swallow it. Sometimes, I can tell how his cum is going to taste by tasting his pre-cum and, as such, aids in making the decision to swallow his cum or not. Overly salty or bitter… is not “good eats” to me. And speaking of eats…

Pussy. Oh, my dear and fluffy lord, does it ever taste good; it has a mouth-feel that’s never been easy for me to describe but it turns me on like nothing else can. Once I learned how to do this – and I became aware of how pussy can taste – well, it used to crack me up hearing guys talking about this girl tasting nice and sweet but that girl over there, eh, not so sweet but, as mentioned in the other scribble, pussy, like a guy’s cum, is going to taste like whatever she’s been putting into her body. Before I learned about, um, “pussy chemistry,” I was kinda fascinated by how a girl’s pussy could taste sweet or salty but… tangy; sometimes rather pleasant and sometimes reminding me of taking a bite out of a lemon.

Like, I was having a field day going down on a woman and she tasted like… fried chicken – the spicy kind. The science nerd in my head found it to be interesting since, before we settled into having sex, we both dined on… spicy fried chicken. I’ve had women ask me what it’s like to eat pussy and, yeah, again, that’s not easy for me to explain other than to say that it tastes and feels good but, yeah, sometimes, it feels good and doesn’t taste all that sporty, like going down on a woman who had taken a couple of aspirins. She tasted really bitter but I understood that because aspirin has a bitter taste to it and, oh, yeah, it’s an acid. I learned some stuff about… pH and the many things that can affect the pH of a woman’s coochie and, as such, affect the way it tastes. But, again, I had learned that my brain… edits stuff out and if my nose is stuffy, I’m not tasting much of anything.

Sure, I’ve licked my lips after eating pussy but now I’m tasting her pussy… on my skin. More science shit: The taste of a woman’s pussy can change when her juices come in contact with air and it can change because my saliva is… getting in on the act of tasting. I found that I could eat the same girl/woman at different times and… she tastes different every time. Sometimes, the difference is subtle and sometimes, wow, baby girl – what you been eating and drinking? Sometimes that’s a pleasant thing and sometime, eh, not so much – but nothing I can’t deal with and, really, if you’re gonna have your face all up in there, not dealing with how she tastes isn’t an option because women do very much care about how their pussy smells and tastes and, well, let’s say that I don’t recall telling a woman that her pussy didn’t taste good – I’m not of a mind to tempt fate and, yeah, I’d like to be able to eat that pussy again.

So much goes into taste from having a hard dick in my mouth to the incredible heat and wetness having my face buried in a woman’s pussy and eating her like she’s the last meal I’ll ever have. I… don’t understand guys who don’t eat pussy. I understand why there are women who won’t suck a guy off because cum can be… off-putting as far as taste and consistency goes, that and I know that most guys… don’t know how to get their dick sucked and if you make it difficult for her, well, guess what she’s not going to be of a mind to do. I understand that some women don’t want to be eaten because… they’re self-conscious about the, ah, tidiness of her kitty. I’ve gone down on women and they taste like… nothing because they literally scrubbed the taste right off of the kitty. Oral sex… engages all of the senses and they all lend themselves to the joy of giving head and, well, yeah, sometimes, things aren’t going to taste the way we want or expect them to.

Just part of the deal. Going back to the threesome and getting an unexpected mouthful of cum. The guy’s lady was pissed that he did what he did and wasn’t onboard with his reasoning. She was even more pissed because she felt like I’d be victimized but once I told her that, nah, not a problem, she kinda chilled out over the matter. During the break, she did tell me that my cum… tasted pretty good and that swallowing cum was a first for her. Does cum always taste like that? I had to tell her that, yeah, no, that’s not how it works – it’s different from guy to guy and even from one moment to the next and it… depends on some stuff. We get back into it and, this time, I’m allowed to fuck her and while I’m enjoying this, she’s sucking him and when he yells out that he’s gonna cum, she didn’t stop sucking him until he had no more to give.

And then, during the break, I’m sure he was feeling kinda weird because the two of us are… comparing notes about how his cum tasted and she’s comparing mine to his. I know how it feels to be told that some other guy’s cum tastes better than mine – it doesn’t feel good because, sure, we like to think that our cum always tastes like ambrosia and just like some women like to think that their pussy is the sweetest and most tastiness pussy a guy could ever get his mouth on and the reality… is whatever it’s gonna be.

Okay; I’m out of the gutter and done… for now. I don’t put a lot of importance on taste, but I am aware of it; it’s just part of the deal when you give head, and you love doing it as much as I do…

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 27 February 23, 1612 hours

I had wanted to know the origin point of… oral sex. Bear with me on this one.

I’d had spent a wonderful afternoon sucking dick with a guy and as we complimented each other on our oral skills, he had said, “I wonder when people started giving head?”

I had said, “I don’t know but it had to be before written history.”

We both kinda shrugged and went back at it but on my way home, his question had stuck in my mind and, honestly, it had never occurred to me to wonder about when humans figured out that they could please someone sexually like this. Let the hunt begin! Over a period of a couple of years – off and on – I found that oral sex has been around for a damned long time, with early documentation in the Indian (the country) sexual culture and even documented in early Japanese history, with other references to the Roman and Greek dynasties, Persia, and even in a lot of African cultures.

Trying to track down “patient zero” proved to be impossible because a lot of what written history existed had been lost or, um, deliberately misplaced and I surmised that the real origin point took place way before we really had language, spoken or written. I’d run into the guy again – and for more cocksucking – and I had told him what I had discovered, which he thought was funny and that was because he didn’t think that I would actually try to find out but, yeah, he knew me – but he didn’t know me like that.

Humans have been giving and getting head for a damned long time. In some of the stuff I had read, a man sucking a man’s cock wasn’t a choice; it was sometimes an act of fealty to one’s lord or master; it was sometimes an act meant to demean and humiliate the one giving it and, where men were concerned, it was about dominance and submission, emasculation, humiliation and, again, obedience and loyalty. Women, it seemed, were made to do it, I dunno, essentially, keep them in a submissive place and more so when women, way back then, had little value or status as a person.

The Greeks knew about it early on and gave us the words fellatio and cunnilingus and, well, their sexual exploits were famous/infamous and right up there with the equally famous/infamous Roman orgies. I was seeing early paintings in Indian culture where both men and women were depicted sucking dick and eating pussy and the same for Japanese cultures, Greek, Roman and, surprising to me, Middle Eastern cultures before the advent of Islam. There were a lot of experts, at the time I was digging into this, who talked about the practice of oral sex among other animal species and, yeah, the famous/infamous Bonobo monkeys but they weren’t the only primates doing it and, oh, yeah – humans are primates.

I would, one day, just say that somewhere way back time and forever lost, humans figured it out. I would jokingly say that way back in prehistoric times, two men left their village to hunt and traveling far and away and, well, it gets lonely out there and, um, hmm, yeah, that happened. I “postulated” that women figured out how to orally pleasure each other since the menfolk would, again, leave and be out hunting for days at a time and, um, hmm, okay, that happened, too. I would read about the Temples of Sappho, enclaves of virgin women dedicated to worshipping the goddess Sappho and where no man was allowed entry – except eunichs – men who had either volunteered to be castrated or were castrated as a form of punishment. I would allow that, um, it was probably a safe bet that those women were worshipping something other than their goddess, if you catch my drift.

Fascinating stuff. I now move forward in time to the here and now and an ongoing forum debate on whether or not cocksuckers have to be submissive. Some of the comments are rather interesting and, so far, there’s a consensus that cocksucking is, indeed, a submissive act which kinda ties in to what I had learned back then and I’ve been of a mind that, yes, one “submits” to having a dick in their mouth but consent is implied – but history, as far as I could research at the time, was full of indications where one was made to submit to this and, yes, primarily women but not unheard of among men and as mentioned earlier. The act of giving head – sucking dick or eating pussy – can very well be an act of submission but there’s this and then there’s submissive behavior along the lines of things D/s, either in a “roleplaying” way or part of one’s personality and, yeah, the psychology starts to get complexly complicated but fascinating.

Many of the forum members who commented are of a mind that when they suck a man’s cock, it is his sole purpose to please the guy and to submit to whatever way the guy being sucked wants to use his mouth – and while deferring any pleasure themselves outside of that which is felt by being of service. There’s a “sub-thought” that being on one’s knees is an act of submission and, well, history is full of examples of this and as simple as kneeling before a ruler or taking a knee when being defeated and, as such, acknowledging the victor’s dominance over them. Add a dick in the mouth and, well, it makes sense… except, as we all know, being on your knees isn’t the only way to suck a dick. I take all of this talk about being a submissive cocksucker in because, if nothing else, it speaks to the personality and mindset of the men who say that, well, they’re submissive cocksuckers and they revel in their submissiveness. The top/bottom aspects of the dynamic, in the “early going” was that tops got their dick sucked and bottoms did the sucking and there was no debate or recourse in this and, as such, the top displaying dominance over the bottom and, sometimes, whether the “bottom” wanted to suck that dick or not.

Some of the things I saw and was exposed to in the early days were guys “making” the “weaker” guy suck his dick and take said dick in the ass… and, sad to say, sometimes, the making was of the force-applied variety; it was either suck the guy’s dick or get your ass kicked – and still wind up sucking the dick – and, yeah, guys being in this situation… submitted and the thought was that sucking the guy’s dick and swallowing his cum was a lot less painful than getting beaten up but it was also very humiliating and emasculating. As an aside – and as a practitioner of judo – I had learned a lot of ways to make an opponent submit and, as such, acknowledging my dominance over him; it was one thing to get thrown and a victorious point was given – there was no shame in losing on points but to lose because someone made you submit? Yeah, that can mess with your head and, um, if you’re wondering, no one had ever made me submit. Nope, wasn’t going there and the way to avoid this was to beat the other guy straight up or to get him in a compromising position and make him submit and now it was either get choked out or suffer some unbearable pain.

Lot of similarities going on here. There were times when I had the misfortune of running into one of these “bullies” and told that if I didn’t suck them off, they were going to beat me up; these guys lived to terrorize other guys that they presumed were weak or wouldn’t stand up to them but, ahem, what they didn’t know was that I loved to suck dick and they were often taken aback – and their so-called dominance neutralized when, if I was feeling the need to suck dick, I’d just say, “Okay – where?” but those who tried to physically make me submit to sucking them learned that, well, it was a mistake on their part.

All of this, of course, is “the dark side of cocksucking.” I had wondered that if one consents to sucking a dick, are they really submitting in any way? Is eating pussy considered to be a submissive act? Probably since women who wanted to be eaten would make it clear that, again, if you don’t lick it, you ain’t gonna stick it… but how did this work between women? You can see how convoluted this becomes but it seems like there are a lot of men with submissive personality traits who, again, revel in a D/s kind of way because they “get off” on being submissive. A lot of guys who are submissive talk about finding a dominant guy that they can service and, from where I sit, this is some… crazy shit but whatever is keeping their boat afloat.

The submissive cocksucking members “rule the roost” in this but then you have the guys like me who are cocksuckers… and we can’t pass the “submissive” test. We are of a mind that when we suck a guy’s dick, it’s not just about him and, really, until I ran into other guys who were like me, I thought that I was “the only one” who sucked dick and for the sheer joy of being able to do it and if it made homey happy, that was more of an “aftereffect” than it was the sole purpose. I’ve long been of a mind that, first and foremost, I give head to make me happy because it makes me deliriously happy. Yeah, I’m supposed to make the head good to and for the person receiving it but I had learned that if I’m having a grand time giving them head, they’re having a grand time getting it so it’s a win/win and, perhaps, selfishly, if they didn’t have fun, well, sorry about that… but I did.

There are guys like me who understand that the guy we’re sucking… isn’t in control of anything. It’s not that he “bent us to his will” but it is bending him to ours or, as I like to say, owning his ass. I decide how to suck his dick and I’m in control of his release and it is him that winds up “submitting” to whatever I feel like doing to his dick – or anything else I can get my hands on. I’ve had guys “order me” to suck their balls and, um, who the fuck are you talking to? And they don’t get their balls sucked, either then or at all because, dude, you’re not in charge of this and like you seem to think you are.

While the submissive guys talk about “the honor” of taking the other guy’s cum – and wherever homey chooses to release it (like in the cocksucker’s face and an act that I – and others – find to be humiliating) – the guys in my group talk about the empowering rush of making him give it up and that rush is better when we can make him give it up before he wants to. In this discussion, one member talked about taking a man’s cum in one’s mouth being an act of submission and the submissive cocksuckers always talk about getting the cum in their mouth as a reward for their efforts and… then there are guys like me who don’t see it like that. It’s… not something that we “submit” to being given: We take that shit from him. Guys would tell me, “Slow down!” or other such things because they didn’t want to be made to cum “too fast” and… I’ll take that under advisement. Sorry, dude, you don’t really have a say in this and you’re gonna give it up when we want it and… resistance is futile.

This is such an interesting topic of discussion. I kinda/sorta understand the submissive mindset and the more the guys who are submissive cocksuckers talk about being this way, the more I kinda/sorta understand it. It’s like a guy I had sex with said one day when we were about to get it on but he was telling me why he had decided to start having sex with men: He was tired of being the one to initiate sex and all that stuff that as men who have sex with women know all too well. He had said that by having sex with men, he put the onus to please on the other guy and it felt good to him to… submit to sucking cock and being fucked. He had said that it was a form of… escape from his manly duties and now being able to be in a “womanlier” role, he’d found a sense of balance within himself. He liked submitting to men and he had told me that whatever I wanted to do him was okay with him because it was all about my pleasure more than his.

Well, I wasn’t feeling that but I kinda understood how he felt, and I don’t doubt that there are a lot of men who are submissive with men who feel the same way. I see a lot of submissive cocksuckers taking the position that it’s better to give than to receive but, um, from what little I understand about being submissive, one could be made to submit to receiving and if they resist, well, are they really submissive in that sense? I point back to my time with my boyfriend who was about as submissive as I’ve ever seen a guy be. Whatever I wanted to do was fine with him and him telling me to use my imagination made me tell him that, um, yeah, you really don’t want me doing that because I can imagine a lot of shit. But I made him submit to… fucking me. I mean, why the fuck not? We were in love and that also meant giving and taking of each other. He didn’t like screwing me but he did it – and did it very damned good – but I do remember us talking about it and him saying that by screwing me, he was being submissive in a way that he didn’t want to be but he submitted and that didn’t make me feel good at all so I “withdrew” my request for him to screw me and things got a little “disconnected” because he made it clear that it was his job to please me… but; my side of it was that if it’s your job to please me, I’d be pleased to have his dick in my ass and filling me up with his cum. But I relented because “making him” submit to this really bothered him.

I’ve been with submissive cocksuckers and… they’ve had a fit about me wanting to suck them off, too. I learned that some of their resistance is because once they cum, it’s game over – that motherfucking refractory period of sex that just kills the shit out of us once we cum. And, yeah, I convinced them to… submit to being sucked off because, for one, I’m a cocksucker, too and, for two, why should he be the only one having this fun? Oh, they didn’t like being made to submit to it… but submit they did because, in my mind, being submissive isn’t just about what a submissive wants to do but also about what they may be asked to do that just might be out of their comfort zones and, yeah, I know that I really don’t understand this but I’m trying but I understand that D/s dynamics are… different. Guys are of a mind that male cocksucking falls into this dynamic and I – and other guys – beg to differ and most of us are of a mind that if the guy we want to suck doesn’t suck dick, well, that’s a deal breaker.

Ideally, it’s supposed to be mutually satisfying but the reality says otherwise and given how people have a list of things they’re not going to do but they have a list of things that you’d better do and, yeah, it all starts to get pretty messy and convoluted. I would often get accused of not really being a cocksucker because I have never been of a mind to do it (1) because he wants me to and (2) for his satisfaction only. Yeah, fuck that shit. My brain says that if I’m not going to have fun doing it, why bother with it? If I’m not going to get any enjoyment out of it, what am I doing it for? Trying to dominate me… yeah, that’s not happening; my mind does not work like that and, again, years of martial arts training makes me resist being dominated and unwilling to submit unless that’s the only viable option. A guy I was about to blow said, “Get on your knees and worship my dick!” and… I walked out and told him, “You got the wrong one, my man…”

I’m not the only male cocksucker who has this mindset and, you betcha, there are women who don’t, either. Yeah, I can see me telling a woman to get on her knees and worship my dick… and what’ll happen next will be something I won’t find pleasurable at all… which is why I have never said it and I never will because it’s a fucked up way to be as far as I’m concerned. Submissive cocksuckers – the male variety – makes me insane; so do the female variety because, okay, yes – I’d love it if you were to give me head but it’s their choice as far as I’m concerned and because of the… clusterfuck surrounding sucking dick, I learned to be appreciative of anyone who’d give me head… because they didn’t have to.

There are guys who I think haven’t learned this. I can go online right now and I guarantee you that there will be that one guy who feels that he’s so dominant that he’s not only going to demand that I suck his dick, he has the right to use my mouth in any way he feels like using it – and I don’t have a say in it. I have to obey and submit to his dominance. You can imagine how I respond to this bullshit because, yes, I suck dick and eat pussy… and there is nothing submissive about me. A woman says, “Get over here and eat my pussy!” and I will “obey” because, um, that pussy was going to get eaten and she didn’t have to say a word to that effect. Is eating pussy submissive? I have no idea, to be honest with you. But you can bet that I’m not eating her because it’ll make her happy; I’m doing it because I love it and it makes me happy and, again, if she didn’t like it all that much, I do apologize… but (a) I got to once again eat some pussy and (b) I had fun doing it.

Long ago, a guy told me, “You’re a selfish cocksucker!” because I didn’t obey his commands to take it slow and easy on him. It had hurt my feelings, too, until, as I reflected on what he said and why he did, I realized that… he was right. I wasn’t sucking his dick to make him happy but did it to make myself happy. I actually hunted him down so I could tell him that not only was he right about what he said but to ask him what he was bitching about because he knew that I was sucking his dick so he would cum and, unless I was mistaken, he did cum. His problem was that I made him do it before he wanted to and he’d said that because I made him cum before he wanted to, he didn’t really get to enjoy it and I told him, “That’s not my problem and maybe you’d be better off finding someone who’s willing to do things the way you want them done… because I’m not going to because this ain’t just about you.”

There are those who suck dick/eat pussy. Some do it because they like doing it; some do it because they know they’re expected to or are obligated to; and then there are givers of head who give because they fucking love doing it and it’s not so much about the person they’re giving head to – although it can be. When asked why I suck dick, my answer is, “Because it makes me feel good to do it.” Do I do it to make him happy? I’d be lying if I said I did… because I know I don’t. Oh, he’s going to be happy because I do try to “transfer” my happiness onto him and if, by chance, it makes him cum before he wants to, oh, well. Homey just got owned and, again, there’s this… rush. A kind of “ego trip.” It… feeds the need within me. You don’t have to ask me to go down on you because, to me, it’s a given unless you don’t want me to. Bummer.

To me and other men and women like me, it’s not about being submissive and in the sense that seems to be gaining strength in the world of oral sex. I feel… dominant when I’m giving head. It’s my will and skill against your will and wanting to draw this out for as long as possible. It’s not easy to make someone cum like this and I had to learn to be both patient and persistent and more so with women than men. One day, my protege and I were talking about us getting together and he was talking about the two of us edging each other for an hour or more and I said, “Really? Is that what you think is going to happen?” He said it was and I sent him the emoji of myself cracking the fuck up and with tears coming out of my eyes. I understand the edging thing. Not of a mind to do it because it might make the other person happy but it’s not going to… feed my need.

I was taught that if I didn’t leave them lying there and looking like I tried to kill them, I didn’t do it right… and I love doing it right. Whether they cum or not but, yeah, feel free to cum and don’t hold anything back. I’m not the greatest giver of head that ever lived… but I do love what I’m doing and I want it to be good for you… but I’m not submissive and in the sense that the only reason why I’m giving you head is to just please you. Oh, fuck no. But I… kinda get submissive cocksuckers and I say “kinda” because the psychology involved is complex and not all that easy to get a grip on. I’m learning some stuff about D/s from the women here and for which is an active part of their life; obeying their Sir and without question or complaint is, well, it’s them but they have an out or several of them if something Sir requires of them conflicts with their core beliefs – I think.

Men sucking cock is considered to be abnormal. History has shown that a man sucking another man’s cock wasn’t because he wanted to: He was made to do it and driven into submission to perform an act that women were made to submit to and the act itself is considered to be submissive because it’s “usually” done with the cocksucker being on their knees and that’s… a submissive posture that conveys dominance toward the person they’re kneeling to. Have I gotten on my knees to suck dick and eat pussy? Sure, I have and the submissive meaning of being on my knees wasn’t – and isn’t – lost on me… but I’m not submissive. I’ve had men and women take a knee to suck me and… I don’t think anything of it other than them about to give me head – and head that they didn’t have to offer or give. It’s not a comfortable position and I felt, at the time I was looking into this, it adds to the dominant/submissive nature of cocksucking – being on your knees doesn’t feel good. I didn’t like it when I was younger, and I dislike it even more now that my knees and I aren’t friends with each other at times.

It’s… not what you do but what you think about what you’re doing when you give head. I… understand this because, if nothing else, I know what’s going on in my head when I’m giving head. Submissive? Nope. Eager to please? Well, yeah, kind of because that pleasure begins with me because it absolutely makes no sense to do something that doesn’t give me pleasure and the drive to do it. I am not a member of the “it’s better to give than receive” club. It’s better to give and receive because, um, excuse me, but why should you be the only one to receive? Some submissive male cocksuckers say that it is their sole purpose in life to please men with their mouth and that this is the “only pleasure” they get or want – to make the other guy happy and to submit to his “dominance.” Porn shows cocksucking as being very damned submissive; I’ve read stuff about sucking dick that says that you must look up and make eye contact with the man you’re sucking and this, too, is part of the submissive nature of sucking a man’s dick and, okay, I get it… but it’s not something that pops into my mind because if I’m not looking at you while I’m giving head, it’s because my focus is on giving you head and I usually have my eyes closed anyway and I have looked up at times and… they have their eyes closed, too.

Some of the stuff I’ve read about cocksucking is… submissive in nature. It’s all about what you have to do to give and ensure their pleasure and to the exclusion of your own pleasure or, as those guys say, their only pleasure is pleasing the other guy first and foremost. Guys like me say, “Oh, fuck that shit! Who died and left you in charge?” Because one of the facts of the matter is that if you want to be sucked off, um, you won’t be if I chose not to get you to cum. Men and women like me are of a mind that the person we’re giving head to… is our victim. They’re at our mercy. If you cum too soon, not our problem because, duh, you did what we wanted you to do. If you don’t cum – but we wanted you to – well, I know some shit about that and I had to learn not to get totally pissed off because the other person, male or female, didn’t “get off” and that if they didn’t, it wasn’t because I didn’t do everything I know how to do to make that happen for them… and for me, too. Science stuff that most would find boring or of no real consequence but, yeah, I got to give you head and for me, that’s what mattered; the “Beast” has been fed and sated… for the moment and, hopefully, you’ve been pleased, too. I’ve failed to please this way and I accept my failures because you really can’t please everyone every damned time.

I just don’t buy into cocksuckers having to be submissive and as so many of the forum members believe or insist it is. I get that when I consent to give you head, I’m submitting to the act of giving it… and that’s as far as submitting goes. Yes, I want you to get off and getting you off adds to the pleasure I’m experiencing. It excites the shit out of me; I have cum all over myself giving someone head more times than I care to admit to at this time but, yeah, for me, it can be like that. Aahh… what a rush to give head! Instead of your pleasure being my pleasure, my pleasure is your pleasure and, as such, if you make giving you head unpleasant, it’s going to reflect on me and my own pleasure and… let’s not go there, okay?

What are your thoughts, readers? Feel free to share them because there’s no such thing as too much knowledge.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 08 February 23, 1539 hours

“Aw. man… suck my dick!”

The guy I was talking to said this in response to “something” I said to him that he didn’t like, agree with, or was just an automatic response. He had a very bad habit of saying this to men and would say it even though he’d often say it to a guy who’d take offense to it like, “What you saying? You think I’m some kind of faggot or something?”

Heated words would be exchanged; potential fights broken up or blows would be exchanged. Personally, I was sick and tired of him responding to me like this and I thought of a good way to “break” him out of the habit of saying it when talking to me: I asked him, “Are you asking or telling me to suck your dick?”

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, you should have seen the look on his face. Of course, he said – and very loudly, I might add – that, no, he wasn’t asking or telling me to suck his dick and he walked right into my saying, “Then you might not ever want to say that to me because I just might get it in my head to suck your dick.”

Not that I really would have because I didn’t like his attitude about some stuff. I didn’t exactly out myself as a cocksucker but it was worth the risk to badly shake him up and it served to make him not respond to me like that again. On another occasion, I’m hanging with da fellas and we’re ranking and busting on each other because, um, it’s a guy thing. I zinged a guy with a really good one and he responded with, “Aw, man, fuck you!”

I responded with, “Here? In front of everyone? Shouldn’t we do this in a more private setting? I didn’t know you liked me like that!” Or, sometimes, I’d respond with, “Thanks, but you’re not my type.” Which served to zing the guy even “worse” than I did and made him say what he said. One of the purposes it also served was like a defense mechanism used to keep my “secret” a secret because most guys would assume that I wasn’t serious about such a response – and that’s exactly what I wanted them to think.

Or the time I got a guy good, and he said, “Go fuck yourself!” and I said, “That’s not only anatomically impossible for me, but it’s better when someone’s doing the fucking so, um, are you offering to do what I can’t do to myself?” If nothing else, it would make them get that look on their face and add to his getting clowned because everyone who heard this would not only heard what I said but saw the look on his face and now, everyone is laughing their asses off. Well, except him, of course.

But what they didn’t know was that, sometimes, um, I wouldn’t have objected to them fucking me or giving me their dick to suck and saying stuff like this was a good comeback to a zing, a defense mechanism, and a way to feel a guy out. Sometimes this kind of exchange would happen but, privately, a guy would ask if I was serious and if I was, I’d say so; yeah, I wouldn’t really say no to sucking your dick, you know, if you wanted me to and, most of the time, they did but if my “feeling out statement” returned a “negative result” – but the guy asked if I was serious, it was easy for me to say that I wasn’t but if you bust on me, I give as good as I get and I can dish it out and take it, too… and I don’t play fair.

And, if nothing else, it would put dudes on notice that they should be careful what they say to me or any other guy… because it just might happen. I… had fun hanging with these guys and watching them stumbling all over themselves to not say something that would evoke a response from me that would, usually, zing the shit out of them. One guy “slipped up” and responded to me busting his ass with, “Suck my dick!” and I responded with – and with a straight face – “Are you offering?” The other guys might have hurt themselves laughing but in the back of my mind, the question was a legit one because I really wanted to suck his dick and, on this occasion, he… caught the hint and later, behind closed doors, I got to do what I wanted to do and, as it turned out, he got to do what he wanted to do as well.

I remember one guy saying that he didn’t know whether I was serious or not when I’d have to bust a guy’s ass because he said something about dick sucking and fucking myself and I said something like, “Well, that’s the fun of it, right? You don’t know if I’m serious or joking… unless you ask and… are you asking?” He wasn’t – or, in actually, he wasn’t asking at that time but would a day or so later – but he wanted to know why I would come back like that and I explained to him that I understood some psychology that taught me a lot of different ways to “hit a guy where it hurts” and, well, it was fun to fuck with some of the guys like that and more so when, most of the time we hung out and was running our mouths, the testosterone would be flowing hot and heavy as a lot of guys were “waving their dicks around and to see who had the biggest dick” and it was usually fun and all that but it’s easy to say to a guy, “Suck my dick!” but it better hits home when I ask if they’re offering, I didn’t know they were like that, and some other really psychological thing that sends the message that, yeah, my “dick” is way bigger than yours or, as I would later learn to say, “Your arms are too short to box with me. You wanna play? Let’s play and see what happens!”

Some of the fellas didn’t want to play “The Dozens” with me because I had had to learn to be good at it. I very much remember being 4′ 11″ and like 110 pounds and bigger guys loved trying to poke fun at me and say shit like if I’m short, my dick must be even shorter and, man, it didn’t feel good getting ranked on like that and worse to not have a snappy comeback; I learned that if you let them “get the best of you” in this battle of words and wit, they will always assumed that they can do it and get away with it, not to mention just being picked on because I was short, a nerd and, to them, an easy victim… and I’d had enough of it and took a “crash course” in how to fight back with words and as effectively as I could actually fight.

And also, to keep my secret when I had to. Some bully would confront me publicly and talk about how he heard that I sucked dick and everyone who heard it would gasp or snicker or whatever but now, I had a comeback that was carefully crafted to make him look bad in some way, oh, like, “What’s the truth? You heard this… or do you really want to know if it’s true so you can get your dick sucked? Which is it?” Oh, most definitely, they’d get mad and want to fight and, well, okay – it was a risk I had to accept; I didn’t want to fight but if you pushed me, I was going to make sure that it sucked to be you.

School bullies quickly found out that I’m not the one. If my words didn’t cut you deep to the bone and make you look like an idiot, I can fight and like they didn’t know I could and they’d know to leave me alone if they knew what was good for them. Those days were an unpleasant pain in my ass but I wasn’t going to protect and defend myself, who was supposed to? You bust on me, I’m busting right back and, sometimes, in a way that was unexpected and me verbally fighting dirty and even having some pleasure in insulting a guy’s manhood… and he didn’t even know he got insulted but everyone who heard my comeback knew what I’d done to get him saying, “Aw, man… suck my dick!”

And me giving a few quick seconds of thought about whether or not I wanted to keep on making him look bad. Yeah, there were some guys I knew not to push too far so I didn’t but everyone else? You wanna play like that? Let’s play! Being bisexual, I had to learn how to… deflect and, shit, even tell a bald-faced lie since the times were not favorable for anyone suspected, perceived, or even proven to be homosexual. And nothing worked better when I had to hear, “Aw, man, suck my dick!” than to ask whoever said it a question that (a) they didn’t see coming and (b) one designed to take the “dick sucking focus” off of me and put it squarely on them.

I’d done that to a guy one day and one of my friends, who knew that I sucked dick, was snickering over me clowning him but asked me if I would really suck his dick and I said, “I might if he asked me nicely; we’ve both seen his dick in the showers after gym class, right?” Still, I thought and felt that I shouldn’t have to defend my secret or my masculinity like this, but I knew why I had to, and I wasn’t going to be a victim and like other guys would wind up being. Like, some guy would call another guy a cocksucker and the best the other guy could say was, “It takes one to know one!” and, well, that’s not exactly true and I felt that saying this was… weak and, in a way, kinda suggested that he was, indeed, a cocksucker.

I’d learned that words have power and I learned to harness that power and use it with effect but to also use them to find out if, um, if I could suck that dick or get it in my ass and get fucked really good. The shock value was… awesome. Leaving some guys wondering if I was for real or just playing around and, yeah, now the focus is off of me and smack dab on them and I learned that most guys… had no comeback at all other than to repeat their “fuck you/suck my dick” statement or state that I was one crazy motherfucker. And having no idea how crazy I could really be.

One’s status and reputation depended on being able to bust on someone as well as being able to come right back with a degree of “lethality.” Indeed, one’s ability to do this without having to think about it gave props and the better the comeback, the more props you could get. Guys would learn not to play this game with me if they didn’t want to get clowned, but it also served to get them thinking about whether I was being serious or still playing the game. Like, one guy hit me with the “suck my dick” thing and I immediately came back with, “Oh, you’re finally getting around to asking me? Took you long enough!” Or, on another occasion, I came back with, “You didn’t say that last night when there was no one around but the two of us…” and, yeah – zing! Yeah, I knew that I could say something that would make a guy fighting mad, but it also sent a message that clearly said that homey could dish it out… but he couldn’t take it and, as such, his rep and standing among us would take a huge hit and spiral downwards.

Fuck with me, will you? I hated that I had to… teach guys not to. I did like that we could be playing this game and it’d get… sexual in nature and the result was me and the guy doing battle would wind up having sex because he caught the “hidden meaning” in what I’d said to him in response to “suck my dick;” it would be my pleasure… and yours, too, and don’t worry – I won’t tell if you won’t. The game was… different as an adult. Sure, busting on each other was fun and in the very odd way it can be but it also could serve to send a message that if you wanted to suck dick, well, you just said something that says you wouldn’t mind all that much or, sometimes, thanks, but no thanks but minds could change. I’d often tell a guy that he wasn’t my type while understanding that he was my type… because he had a dick but, yeah, things like personality and the like was also important.

I remember a guy busting on me really good and all I could do, at first, was to acknowledge that, yeah, he got me and it was a good one and he was going on about how my ass looked… girly. Everyone looked at me and like they were waiting for a comeback and, boy, did I give them a doozy of a comeback; I started talking about how I’d suck his dick and make him scream for his momma to save him and, oh, by the way, you mom loves my ass and sucking my dick, and I went on at length telling him about something that… I really wanted to do him – but, of course, he didn’t know that and neither did the guys who were now giving him da bizness because I was laying it on him big time and so bad that he walked away.

One of the guys did ask, “Wait – do you really suck dick or were you just really fucking with him?” I had to consider who I was talking to and since I had already deemed that he was someone who didn’t need to know, I… lied and told him that, no, I don’t, but I have a great imagination and, yeah, if you fuck with me, I’m gonna fuck with you right back – because that’s how the game is played. The, ah, bad part was that he knew I was lying and he had said as much… after we sucked each other off a couple of times later that evening. He knew I was lying just like I knew he was really asking because he wouldn’t mind if we did that to each other and I let him know that I knew, too. We had a good laugh about it and, for me, it was another lesson in not underestimating people and thinking that you can just… blow some shit past them without them knowing that you’re actually being serious.

Like the one guy a guy told me to go fuck myself and I hit him with a version of “it’s better if someone does it for me” and… he knew that I would respond like that (because I’d done it before) and, yeah, he wanted to fuck me and, yeah, I wanted him to and the end result was that we screwed each other silly but talked about how we both knew, read, and understood the hidden message between the lines. What I didn’t tell him was that I already knew that he wanted to fuck me, and he didn’t even have to say a word about it because… I just knew that he was like me… and not knowing how or why I did; now it was just a matter of seeing how long it was going to take before we actually did it.

Of course, I, too, had to be careful what I said to a guy. I… slipped up and told a guy to blow me over something silly he said, and I had expected a comeback from him but what I didn’t expect was him asking, “Can I?” and, yeah, he was serious. After he blew me – and I wasn’t of a mind to tell him that he couldn’t – it wasn’t that he knew I was down like that, but he’d said that he’d heard me say “Blow me…” and he instantly thought, “Why not? What’s it gonna hurt to ask if I can blow him?” And he got props for (1) hitting me with the unexpected and (2) having what it takes to ask me a question that, “normally,” you can’t ask a man – and you’d better not ask.

You just never know when someone is going to take what you say seriously, and I don’t mean in an angry or insulting kind of way. I’ve had guys comeback at me in a similar way and, yeah, I’ve wondered if he’s offering or still playing the game and… it was kinda fun trying to figure it out. Sometimes, it was playing the game; sometimes it was all about keeping my secret a secret from those who did not need to know and, sometimes, it was an offer – or the acceptance of one – wrapped in… harmless joking around. I didn’t really care all that much is someone figured out the truth about my sexuality because they were either going to be okay with it or they weren’t and if they weren’t, well, there’s no need for us to associate with each other, is there? A guy would get offended that I am, in fact and deed, a cocksucker and give me the usual raft of shit and I would get offended by having to listen to their… ignorance but, in those situations, if you fuck with me, I’m going to fuck with you right back and I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to like what I’m going to say.

I had gotten into a fight in school and suspended for two weeks and my mother was beyond livid and, of course, she wanted to know why and lying to her wasn’t going to be good for my health, if you know what I mean. So I told her how it all went down and in detail and when I got to the part where I ripped the guy to shreds and that’s what started the fight, my mother said, “You shouldn’t talk to people like that and I thought I taught you better.”

Well, she did teach me better, but I had decided that I wasn’t going to be victimized by someone and just because they thought they could do it and get away with it. I thought that my mother was… appalled over the context of what I said to the guy and, I dunno, maybe she didn’t think that I was capable of letting such things come out of my mouth but she did agree that I still had to defend myself since the other guy started the fight and, to teach me a lesson, I was going to serve out my suspension in full because she wasn’t going to come to the school and ask them to drop it. And… I was okay with that because I knew what she was trying to teach me… but I don’t get mad – but I get even, and you won’t see it coming.

Having to protect myself and my sexuality was, again, a very unpleasant pain in my ass. Going to school with a lot of kids being conditioned to hate anything that looked like homosexuality and on top of the racial issues of the day. Or playing “The Dozens” with guys and things got sexually personal and, sometimes, accusatory and saying nothing in response would be taking what was said as the truth about me and, really, it was the truth… and I was learning that a lot of people can’t handle the truth and didn’t like getting smacked in the face with it or, as I was prone of doing back then, pointing out to them how ignorant they were and how stupid they sounded and, yeah, they had no idea what they were talking about and they were talking badly about it and me because their truth was… they were a scared little boy on top of everything else.

I learned that words not only have power but incredible power and I had to learn this and learn to harness this power to protect myself from those who’d hate on me and having the nerve to “put me on blast” and thinking that they got the best of me… until I opened my mouth and started talking. The whole “reading between the lines” thing became a hell of a lot more apparent once I entered adulthood or guys asking without really asking – or I was the one asking like that. Was I serious or for real or was I joking around? Hmm, wouldn’t you like to know? And, sometimes, they did. The power of words would often get me unwanted attention; it’s hard to “hide” when you’re effectively telling someone that you’re hiding and what you’re hiding.

We say to be careful what you wish for because you might get it; I found that it’s just as true to be careful what you say because you just might tell on yourself or give someone an impression of you that you’d prefer them not to have. Or someone just might have a snappy comeback that you have no comeback for. I was out doing errands and upon returning home, there were two guys shooting the shit and playing the game with each other and, sure enough, one guy said to the other guy, “Suck my dick!” and I… smiled because, well, it’s just something guys say that’s supposed to be “offensive” but they probably don’t understand the power of those words because it very much sound like an invitation to do just that and you can’t even know if you say this to a guy and he said, “Okay – let’s do it.” and he means it.

I’m laughing instead of my “usual” sighing to recall one of my people I follow on Twitter asked, “Why do people say “fuck you” and think it’s a bad thing when fucking is a good thing and something we all want to do?” She had a very valid point because I’ve wondered why people say this, too; I mean, are you asking or offering sex? Do guys still think saying, “Suck my dick!” is the “insult” it could mean? Or does he want his dick sucked and the exclamation is really a question? I shocked a guy one day when he said that to me and I replied, “Okay – where and when?”

I didn’t let him off the hook, either; he’s all flustered and insisting that he ain’t like that and I’m… pushing him and reminding him that he did, in fact, say this to me and, hmm, it sounds like a good idea to me but, um, if you didn’t mean it – and you didn’t want me to suck your dick, you might not ever want to say that to me again and give me ideas about sucking your dick. If you’re not serious, well, you don’t know what you’re missing because I think I’m pretty decent at it but, for many guys, it’s a lesson in how misusing the power of words… just might get your dick sucked. I… laid it on him and as thick as I could. He was all kinds of out of sorts and, I noticed, he was now sporting a rather nice-looking boner.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Were you being serious when you told me to suck your dick?” I fired right back… and wasn’t it interesting that he actually thought about it? “Either you want me to suck your dick and get you off like that or you don’t? Which is it?”

“I didn’t know you were like that!” he said… and I kept right on messing with him.

“Me? I didn’t know that you were like that!” I exclaimed and rather convincingly, too. “I mean, okay, um, if that’s what you want, I guess I wouldn’t mind all that much since I don’t have anything else to do at the moment.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” he asked.

“Only if you were being serious,” I replied. At this point, I knew that if he said okay, I’d have to suck his dick because this kind of conversation doesn’t get this deep and it’s a joke. Did I want to? Eh, not really but again, you wanna play? Let’s play and see who blinks first… and it’s not going to be me.

“Now you get to tell me if you were serious about me sucking your dick or not because if you were really being serious, let’s go inside so I can suck your dick but if you weren’t being serious, you should be careful about what you say to someone because they can take what you said the wrong way and in a way you really didn’t mean,” I said.

“You’re crazy,” he said.

“Yes, I’ve been told that,” I said. “So what are we doing?”

“You’re out of your mind!” he said.

“Am I? Did it not ever occur to you that you could say this to someone, and they’d want to take you up on it? You invited me to suck your dick and I’m in a position to accept the invitation. Now, if you didn’t mean it like that, okay – I get it but if you really did, sure – I’ll suck your dick because I still don’t have anything better to do right now.”

“You would do that?” he asked – and, yes, I was enjoying his discomfiture, but I meant what I said.

“You offered; I’m accepting… unless you were just talking to be talking?” I asked.

“You are one crazy motherfucker,” he said.

But he got that dick sucked and learned how to suck dick, too. He said that I talked him into it and, well, I did but not really; all I really did was keep my word when I said that if he was serious about wanting me to suck his dick, well, okay, but if he wasn’t, well, he just learned something, huh? Be very careful what you say to someone because…

Words have power. And someone just might take you up on it.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 22 January 23, 1446 hours

The blowjob. Stock in trade for guys as a prime entry point for sex with other guys. Lots of things to learn beyond “merely” taking a prick into your mouth and “sucking” it. As I finished that sentence, I was chuckling to myself to remember a friend doing it for the first time and he literally sucked my dick like it was the nipple on a bottle or a straw. It was funny then, too, but it felt pretty good and it didn’t take him long to “figure it out” and get into the classic up and down motion.

Some stuff learned from the early days. You either did it or you were too afraid to; you either got “good’ at it or you, pun intended, sucked at it. It didn’t matter how good you could fuck or be fucked because the “word on the street” was that if you weren’t good at the blowjob, it was presumed that you weren’t good at anything else. What I and the others would learn that we deemed to be important was that the guys who didn’t give blowjobs compensated by offering their butts to be screwed and, yeah, don’t stick it in too far.

I would think that the guys who didn’t want it stuck in too far would eventually get “tired” of being stuck or, um, someone sticking it in too far and decide that taking it in the mouth was the better option but for all of us young cocksuckers, reputations were on the line because if you couldn’t make it feel good – and get the guy you were sucking to get that “good feeling” – get ready to be talked about and not in a good way. Getting an “A” for effort wasn’t given all that much and since none of us wanted to be known as that guy who couldn’t give a good blowjob, a lot of us seriously stepped up our game and more so once, “little by little,” all of us got around to ejaculating and learning how to deal with getting a mouthful of baby-making stuff and, early into this phase of physical development, a whole lot of it.

If you couldn’t “acquire the taste,” you’d be talked about and razzed unmercifully. Not everyone could or did and “A’s” for effort were starting to be given out because, let’s face it, a guy’s stuff, other than the sheer volume of it, was usually thick and oatmeal-ish, and its taste varied from sweet to salty to very salty and those of us who swallowed it had to learn to adapt to it because not adapting to it wasn’t an option. There were guys who just weren’t into the fucking part of things, but they wanted to do something with a guy, and they quickly learned that their “only choice” was to give a blowjob and when the stuff got shot, just don’t let any of it get away from you or you will be talked about and razzed and everyone would find out that you couldn’t do it right.

Girls were either reluctant to suck dick or happy to… before we started ejaculating and once we were, few girls were willing to put their mouths on us because, as one girl said, “That stuff is nasty!” and, yeah, some girls were totally against it after an idiot would promise not to shoot in her mouth and did it anyway, either accidentally or deliberately and, as such, ruined getting a blowjob from a girl for the rest of us. So, if you wanted/needed a blowjob, there was only one source for one and as things developed along these lines, you knew who gave the best blowjobs and who didn’t – and the guys who weren’t that good at it were at the very bottom of someone’s list and sometimes we’d have to go there because a “bad” blowjob was better than no blowjob.

And the rule was if you got one, you gave one. Ejaculating put a big dent in this due to the acquired taste of things and some guys not being able to acquire it but the rule was the rule and it put a lot of guys into a quandary because they knew that if they wanted their dick sucked and be able to shoot stuff into a guy’s mouth, he had better be ready to get a mouthful of stuff, too. Some guys “dropped out” of the cocksucking game but they’d find themselves in yet another quandary because if you didn’t suck dick, chances were good that you wouldn’t be able to fuck the guy; for us, the two things were very much connected so if you weren’t afraid to “do all of it,” well, you had it made in the shade but if you were afraid of any part of things, well, you’d likely be spending a lot of time jerking off or begging girls to let you do it to them and… good luck with that and more so when the Hot in the Ass girls were in very high demand and even they started getting selective about who got to stick it in them and shoot.

For new guys wanting to hang out with us and get into what we were doing, well, they were told what they had to do and if you were chicken, well, when we’d go off to have sex, they’d have to go find something else to do. From the twenty to perhaps thirty guys of a similar age in our defined neighborhood, cocksucking, cum-swallowing, and butt-fucking got narrowed down to ten die-hard and stalwart guys and, yes, I was all up in it. I sucked a lot of dick because I wasn’t afraid to, I always swallowed a guy’s stuff, and I was deemed to be very good at it and even by the older guys – teenagers – who would wander in looking for a guy to have sex with and they’d be looking for me because they knew that it wouldn’t take much for them to convince me to give them one or two blowjobs or for them to be able to fuck me. But they, too, followed “the rule” because… it had to be that way and, again, if you wouldn’t do all of it, well, you got put on that list of guys to say no to.

Growing up, being a guy and being good at giving a blowjob was damned important; your reputation was put on the line every time you did it but now, things were getting “iffy” because there were guys who wanted a blowjob but not so much of a mind to give one in return and if they did, they’s stop short of finishing it and like they’d expect (and demand) you to do. To make things “worse,” some guys would give up their ass in “compensation” for not wanting to give a full blowjob and some guys wouldn’t and as these things went, you knew who wouldn’t do something and one’s reputation would get tarnished, a little or a lot. Things got… complicated because if you were a guy like me and you just loved the hell out of having sex with a guy, you… took what you could get and it was what it was.

But what remained true was that for a guy who wanted to get in on this action, sucking dick was the way to get into it and acquiring the taste was… optional but you’d get more opportunities for sex if you swallowed it – and didn’t throw it back up. High school days were tumultuous because getting pussy was difficult (unless you ate pussy) and guys who were gay bashers would find that if they needed to bust a nut, well, shit – they’d have to find a guy who’d be willing to do it and even that was a bit of a problem since they had been bashing the guys who would’ve had sex with them. I personally love to watch and hear them begging for a blowjob and I’d give them one… but after they gave me one. See, some of those guys were slick; they’d promise to return the favor but after you sucked them off, they’d quickly renege on their end of the deal – and they went on “the list,” too, so the smart way of dealing with these guys was to, essentially, “make” them suck you off first, then suck them off – and the same went for fucking.

A lot of guys in high school learned that if they wanted to have sex with a guy, they had to learn how to suck dick and… love it. Girls would “cut you too short to shit” for giving their pussies a few licks and then be in a hurry to get it in them and guys were getting to be this way and, yes, that included me. Fairness in this was quickly going by the wayside and, as I would learn many years in the future, the top/bottom/versatile dynamic was now in effect. Now the word on the street was similar to what girls were saying: If you didn’t give head, you weren’t getting lucky. You can’t get something without giving something.

After high school and into my early twenties, I had “finally” noticed that when a guy was looking for a guy to have some kind of sex with – and it didn’t really matter why he was and it wasn’t always about him being bisexual – the easiest thing for guys to do was… to suck dick and with the added thing of being able to acquire the taste of cum. In this, it was okay to take it into your mouth and spit it out or, usually, just let it dribble out. I would say that I… tolerated a lot of shit in order for me to suck dick but it had become very clear that if you wanted to suck dick, you did whatever you had to do and that often meant sucking dick without any reciprocation but I had my own rules and fiercely defended them: You want me to suck you off but you’re not going to return the favor? Well, now… what are you offering in place of this? Okay, there were guys who I’d suck off without reciprocation because (a) I needed to suck a dick and (b) sometimes, I didn’t want to be sexed in return because being able to suck a dick was such a joy and thrill for me so, sometimes, a guy would offer to suck me off and I’d tell him it wasn’t necessary… but my mom didn’t raise any dummies so if a guy did offer to return the favor – and because after I got done with him, he was now willing to do it – I wasn’t going to say no.

What I would also learn was that there were guys who wanted me to blow them but not even consider that I was just as much of a man as they were and, as such, I loved having my dick suck and being made to cum that way and just like other guys did. Some gay guys – and there was really no avoiding having sex with them unless you were seriously afraid of their gayness rubbing off on you – were… seriously the girl. They’d give amazing blowjobs and want dicks buried in their backside and some wouldn’t object to being sucked off in return but, mostly, you didn’t have to. The “problem” with these gay men was that they were looking for a boyfriend and the “straight” or bi guys weren’t all that interested in this and, well, there was a reason why some gay men would give me grief because I was bi and now, all bi guys had the bad reputation for breaking gay hearts and things just got all kinds of fucked up between bi and gay guys.

However, and again, if you were of a mind to check out sex with a guy, the easiest thing to do was to suck dick and “easier” and a lot less painful than having a hard dick shoved and stuffed into your ass. I gave a lot of guys their first experience sucking dick, both giving and receiving because they were either “that desperate” for sex or really wanted to know what it was like to suck dick. In this aspect, guys were putting themselves in the position to either indulge their hidden or newly emerging desires or be “conscripted” to do something they really didn’t want to do but women actually “helped” in this because, again, if you weren’t eating pussy, you weren’t fucking pussy and guys just seemed to equate this to sucking dick. I’d had a few guys come to me to be sucked off – desperate or otherwise – and admit to being very reluctant to return the favor and, often, putting me in the position of telling them that they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to but those guys would feel… obligated to return it and more so if they also wanted to fuck me at some point or they wanted to be fucked.

A guy had asked me what it takes to have sex with a guy and my immediate answer was, “Learn how to suck dick and learn how to love it and be good at it.” He got that “ew” look on his face, but it was more of a “seller’s” market than a “buyer’s.” If you wanted in, this was the easiest way to get in although mutual masturbation was/is, in fact, the easier entry point but a lot of guys… bypassed this because getting and/or giving a blowjob was the thing that got you into the game and changing your mind about giving and receiving after getting in, well, that was different and even expected. One of the things I applied some major brain power to was what made a guy who was clear that he didn’t suck dick “all of a sudden” change his mind about that? I was finding myself getting blindsided; I would be happily working a guy’s dick over and then I’d hear him say, “Move so I can suck your dick, too!” or he’s pawing at me or otherwise manhandling me into the 69 position and gasping because he’s sucking my dick and, for somene who had never done it and said that they’d never do it, the guy would be doing a fantastic job all the same.

Swallowing spunk was optional and some guys would heed my warning and move away and… some guys didn’t and I wanted to know why. Most of them couldn’t tell me because they didn’t know either but one guy said that he’d decided to keep sucking until I came and swallow it because he’d come this far so going all the way just made sense. In for a penny, in for a pound, and a guy was either all-in with sucking dick or he wasn’t. I was getting more of an awareness of what “the heat of the moment” could mean and a lot of guys who’d find themselves sucking my dick would often cite being in the heat of the moment – and they had no idea how they got there in the first place but, as one such guy said, “That was much better than you trying to get it in my ass!”

Sometimes, a guy was only interested in us jerking off together, singularly or mutually. Okay, not really my idea of a sexy good time but you take what you can get. Things would be going nicely – and I’m “dying” because I want his dick in my mouth so badly that it wasn’t funny but that wasn’t the deal so I had to behave myself. That, it seemed, didn’t apply to the guy playing with my dick and given the many times we’d be jerking each other off and the next thing I now, he’s blowing me and I might have heard him say, “Fuck it…” before he pounced on me. Some guys were more… polite and either ask if they could suck me or just tell me that they were going to and, sometimes, professing to not knowing why they wanted to but knowing that they just had to.

Well, okay… and it’s not like I was going to say no unless I had reason to think or feel that if he sucked me, that might not be a good thing for him. In any of this, first time cocksuckers would tend to say things like it wasn’t as bad as they thought it was or wondering why they’d never done it before now and I just found it all to be very damned interesting because, clearly to me, cocksucking was very much a guy-thing because, if nothing else, it was easier than trying to have anal sex and more satisfying than giving each other a handjob.

Guys wanted to know what it was like; they wanted to know how to do it and, yep, they wanted to know how to deep-throat a dick and, um, how to acquire the taste because the things about a blowjob was that unless there was some fucking to be done, if you sucked a dick, you finished it off with cum in your mouth. You didn’t have to swallow it if you couldn’t and some guys who really didn’t want it in their mouth would be very quick to spit it out. I felt that a lot of guys turned to guys to get sucked off – and, out of necessity, learned the art of cocksucking because women were very weird about sucking men off but while these guys didn’t know why girlfriend was being weird about it, I knew why since I’d been subjected to the same fucked up shit they were being subjected to… and the guys who learned how to suck dick and swallow cum with me would come back to tell me about this one dude who made doing it seriously fucked up.

Or, they now knew what all cocksuckers eventually learn, not so much about actually sucking dick but dealing with the guy attached to the dick. Things would get to be so bad in this that I made a “drastic” and permanent change to my rules: If you don’t suck dick, don’t ask me to suck yours. This stance would piss off a lot of guys who’d proposition me to suck them off and I’d ask them, “Why would you think that I wouldn’t want to be sucked off, too?” And, honestly, I couldn’t figure out why other than such men being afraid to suck dick or felt that sucking dick was beneath them and an affront to their presumed masculinity or, as one online asshole had said to me, “That’s what you gay motherfucker are supposed to do for a real man!”

I got – and still get – a kick out of shredding guys with this mindset. First, I’m not gay; next, I may or may not have fucked your mother but if I did, she swallowed so I might not be your daddy. And you’re an idiot because if it’s gay for me to suck your dick, it’s just as gay for you to want me to suck your dick. How you like me now, bitch? Yeah, I called you a bitch because you had the nerve to insult my manhood because real men do suck dick and if you were a real man, you’d know that and do it, you punk-assed son of a bitch.

You tell me that you don’t suck dick, then neither do I. It was bad enough that women were demanding to be eating like her pussy was your last meal on earth, but you’d better not even think about – or expect – her sucking your dick. You don’t eat the pussy, you don’t get to fuck the pussy. I understood their stance on this but it didn’t bother or affect me because I’m a pussy-eating fiend of the highest order but I would see and understand that the female stance in this not only made a lot of guys turn to guy to get sucked off, it also turned many of them into cocksuckers, too, and a couple of token sucks wasn’t going to cut it, not when you wanted me to not only drain your balls but to swallow every drop.

Even in this, sucking dick was the thing to do and, these days, if you’re a guy and you don’t suck and swallow, well, what the hell is wrong with you? My protege and I talk about this a lot and we agree that being a cocksucker should be a skill one has in their sexual toolbox. We often talk about the perception of good and bad in this and it’s been my position that the only bad blowjob is not getting one and being “Linda Lovelace” good at it… doesn’t really matter but having the desire does matter. He was telling me about his problem of not being able to deep throat some guys and gagging badly and I had to tell him to never do more than he’s physically able to do; even I didn’t always deep throat a guy but it wasn’t because I couldn’t do it – I just didn’t want to or he stupidly did or said something that made me decide that, nope – you won’t be getting this very heady pleasure from me.

Why do guys want that done? I… really don’t know but I suspect that it has something to do with why, when we’re fucking, we want bury all of our dick into someone that we can manage when we cum and, yep, the deeper we can bury it, the better chance of our sperm getting into a woman’s cervix and fertilizing her egg and… it’s just a natural kind of thing that applied to having your dick sucked and, I know, I probably have done a terrible job trying to explain this – but it’s all I have. What I know is that not only do guy want to be taken all the way down, but there are also guys who get bent out of shape because they can’t get all of it down or even get some dicks into their mouth comfortably – read this as not feeling like their mouth is about to get ripped apart. Guys are very keen to learn how to shut down their gag reflex or get it under some kind of control and it’s not an easy thing and skill to do because if you’re gagging, that’s your body telling you some shit that is best paid attention to and, yeah, nerd over here learned how dangerous it can be and, well, I’m not sure I understand why there are guys who want to be deeply face-fucked and made to gag and sometimes vomit and…

Dude… ew. But whatever gets boats floating and it still remains true that the number one and prime entry point into the world of M2M sex is… the blowjob. I personally appreciate a guy who can suck dick more than a guy who can fuck because, well, anyone with a dick can do that… but it takes skill to suck a dick and why fellatio is considered to be one of the sexual arts and some guys find it a difficult thing to (a) master and (b) be consistently good at it – and I had to do some thinking about that way back in the early days and those moments when a guy would suck me off and apologize for not being really good at it and, for me, having to learn and determine what mattered the most: Him being damned good at it… or appreciation that he gave it his best effort? Being a cocksucker, I gained a major appreciation for anyone who’d take me into their mouth… because they didn’t have to and I also learned to not make the mistake I’d see a lot of guys make by demanding that their dick be sucked and finished off.

I mean, if you want to, I am grateful and appreciative because I know what it’s like to suck dick. I know that it might look easy, but it really isn’t, and it often takes a lot of work to get a guy to cum and I’m not going to complain if whoever’s sucking me isn’t of a mind to finish it… because they didn’t have to do it in the first place. Guys “worry themselves sick” over being master cocksuckers and learning all the techniques, tips, and tricks needed to get a guy to cum and… I get it. It’s a matter of ego and pride because I know that I do not ever want it said that I was lousy at sucking dick – and if anyone has said it, they haven’t said it to my face and, really, I wouldn’t care because I did what I set out to do: Suck the dick. That’s a win for me and if he didn’t like it, oh, well. Yeah, that’s… inconsiderate but where sucking dick is concerned, you go with the flow of things and… you can’t and won’t please everyone and it’s a mistake trying to.

For those guys who want to jump right into fucking, I suggest that they learn how to suck dick first… because it’s easier and gets one used to being naked with a guy and dealing with his dick. Swallowing cum is optional but, again, this is an easy way to find your way around a dick and it doesn’t take a whole lot of time to figure it out and unlike losing your anal cherry can take. I have, over the decades, maintained that this is easier because it can be done almost anywhere; it doesn’t take a lot of time to do it and to get a guy to cum (that varies, of course, and depends on a lot of shit); there’s no real preparation involved other than making sure that your junk is clean and doesn’t smell like the city dump on a hot summer’s day. I especially “recommend” this as a first thing to do given how many guys want the biggest and fattest dicks they can get their hands on and, well, um, before you try getting a monster in your ass, you might want to try sucking it first so you can get “an idea” about the check your mouth made, and your ass will definitely wind up cashing. More so when it’s likely that if he’s not already hard, you’re gonna have to get him hard.

You could use your hand to do that… but where’s the fun in that? I implore newbie cocksuckers to make it easy on themselves and learn how to suck dick. Find the desire to as well as the pleasure in it. If you can acquire the taste, all well and good and spitting it out is… proper cocksucking etiquette but just know that if you don’t or can’t swallow it, the guy you’re sucking is liable to deem it as a bad blowjob and, well, you don’t want that. I had to learn not to be mad at myself when I knew I was giving a bad blowjob – he didn’t have to tell me that I wasn’t getting it done for him and… I wasn’t having any of that. Yeah, pride goeth before the fall and all that but I cite something my mother told me: If you’re going to do something, strive to be the best you can be at it.

I’m sure she didn’t have cocksucking in mind but the logic of it is sound just the same. I have learned that, in the world of things M2M, it’s the guy who can suck dick and swallow cum that will be remembered more than the guy who can fuck/be fucked. Anyone can fuck or be fucked but not everyone can be good at sucking dick and by good, I mean having the desire and drive to be the best cocksucker they can be.

And there’s a guy right this very moment about to suck a man’s cock for the first time in his life; while it does matter why he’s about to, it “doesn’t matter” because this is the easiest point of entry and the one that a lot of guys seem to be more interested in because it’s easy and relatively safer than taking the dick in the ass or stuffing their dick into an ass. That first time guy is going to learn what every cocksucker winds up learning: He’s either going to get seriously hooked on it or he’s going to find out that it’s just not for him and he can’t even bring himself to take the dick into his mouth at all.

The blowjob. Stock in trade for guys as a prime entry point for sex with other guys. It was the first thing I learned to do with a guy and, yeah, I got forever hooked on it and being hooked taught me a lot of things about myself that wasn’t easy to accept or really understand until I got a lot older and was integral to everything I was learning about having sex and that included eating pussy. Yeah, I’ve gotten asked which thing I like doing more and the answer is… both. Getting hooked on sucking dick and eating pussy had me wondering why I was so hooked on it other than the obvious and that’s when I learned that I’m… orally fixated and damned near obsessively so – and something I had to get a grip on because some people… don’t like getting head.

Being able to understand those folks and how some of them will give head but for them? No, thanks. It’s a bummer for me but it’s also learning about respecting sexual boundaries and, well, mine are pretty far out there and so far that I’m not sure I can see them any longer. Sucking dick is the main entry point for a lot of men but also the main entry point and beginning of them… understanding themselves and learning that sucking a man’s cock and swallowing his cum is a taboo that is also very damned enjoyable.

And even it, at first, they don’t know that it is and can be. You can ask a cocksucker (a) what it was like the first time they did it and (b) what they like and dislike about it but I maintain that if you really want to know, gird your loins, set your fears and inhibitions aside and… suck a guy’s dick, off or otherwise. Then, perhaps, you’ll be able to understand why there are guys like me who love to suck dick and swallow cum and, yeah, are also pussy-eating fiends, too.

I very much remember a woman asking me why I was “so good” at eating pussy and I confessed that it was my belief that I’m “good” at it because I suck dick and love doing it and that I sucked dick before I ate a pussy and… the two “different” things just clicked in my head. I think she was shocked at my admission of being a cocksucker but, um, she did ask me to go back down on her and that’s all that happened. She asked if I was disappointed that didn’t fuck and I said that I wasn’t because I do so very much love eating pussy and I will do it for as long as a woman can take it – and still want to even if she can’t take it any longer. We did get around to fucking but that’s not the point so much. Shit, woman – give me a reason not to eat that pussy right off of you!

My desire and “skill” at sucking dicks did relate to eating pussy and very much in line with my oral fixation. I did, at one point, wonder if I would have had the same drive to eat pussy if I hadn’t sucked dick first and… I am unable to answer the question other than to say that maybe I would or wouldn’t. The point is moot. I entered this aspect of having sex by sucking dick and swallowing cum and the rest, as they say, is history.

And just too much fun to do.

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 12 January 23, 1543 hours

I saw that the forum post on sexually frustrated men had new activity, so I took a look to see what’s up and the last few comments were about women sucking guys off and why they (a) won’t do it, (b) don’t like doing it and (c) were doing it but stopped.

One of the things I learned early on – and as usual – was that some guys would turn to other guys for a full blowjob because (a) the women they were having sex with wouldn’t do it or (b) the woman they were in a relationship fell somewhere in the first three things mentioned above. My experiences with the fairer sex and cocksucking have been interesting; some females just refused to do it and because they heard the horror stories about it and by refuse in this context, that means they weren’t going to do it for any reason as compared to those who refused to do it because they got traumatized the first time they did it and, nope, not doing that again.

Some women “confessed” to using the full blowjob as a way to get the guy. They’ve said that they’ll start out sucking a guy off but once they get them, they’d be lucky to get sucked off on his birthday or their anniversary – and if they even make it having an anniversary. Some women have said that doing it pre-relationship is a no-go or that they’re saving it for the man they’re going to marry. The “usual” reasons are:

1. It takes too long to it/for him to cum and it’s too messy
2. Not acquiring the taste, selectively or not at all
3. Tit for tat: You want your dick sucked? Eat the pussy first and… she’ll get back to you on her part of the deal. Maybe.
4. Feels there’s no longer a need or desire to
5. Guys get too rough
6. Dick too big to suck
7. They don’t have to if they don’t want to
8. Their idea of not being clean enough including being too musky

One of the things I learned going into the teenage years was that girls are funny about sucking your dick. While there were girls who’d be gung-ho to do it, they were in the minority and the majority was either afraid to do it or there would be some kind of price a guy would have to pay to get sucked off and even if they were in relationship with her and, again, many were saving this for their Mr. Right and marriage. Some girls would do it in order to preserve their virginity or to greatly lessen the chance of getting pregnant but if you were looking to get a blowjob from a girl, she might suck your dick but there was a great chance that she wasn’t going to get you off that way and instead of cumming in her mouth, you’d get jerked off instead – and don’t get that shit in her hair or anywhere else she didn’t want it.

You learned that some girls were just really funny about it. As mentioned earlier, some girls would use the full blowjob as a way to get a boyfriend but after that? He might get sucked off but in a reducing kind of way until she feels that she’s done it enough times already so there’s no need to do it again – or ever again… with this guy. Most situations get reduced to special occasions but depending on how long the relationship continues to last, even those special occasions will usually go by the wayside.

None of what I’m writing is meant to throw shade at women about this. It is whatever it’s going to be and for whatever reason applies. But, having said that, if a woman’s guy is discovered to be getting full blowjobs from men, well, first, he’s about as wrong as it gets and then the whole thing becomes all about her and how she feels about what he did… and, at least to me, not really understanding that the “main reason” why he went this route was because she wouldn’t suck him off.

I’ve sucked off a lot of men who, when asked why they want this from me (or any guy who would), many of them have said it’s because women/their woman refuses to do it either again or at all. Now, I remember a period of time where women were… adamant about being eaten and they did not mean a few token licks, either. A lot of guys were either being cheated on or wound up losing their woman because if they weren’t going to do it, there was always a guy who most definitely would and, preferably, without being asked to as well as being willing to stay down there no matter what and for as long as it takes for her to be happy with things. I’d say that there’s nothing really unusual about this and more so when a lot of guys were finding out that if he didn’t eat the pussy and do it right, they knew a woman who would… and there was nothing the guy could do or say about it unless he wanted to get his feelings hurt.

Yes, the double standard was in full effect, but it was… iffy in that if a guy went to another woman to get sucked off, that was one thing; but if a guy was doing it? Oh, fuck no! Let the fussing and fighting commence and, again, the conversation would go from being about him to being about her and even as I learned, there is no logical argument that can stand against a woman’s emotional response. I would kinda understand that, yes, they did understand why he let “Jim Bob” suck him off but, eh, not so much. “Mosts women” would not accept the logic that says if you don’t or won’t do it, someone else can and will because, um, no one else is supposed to. Ever. Shit is about to get very ugly and by the time the arguing is done, homey may or may not have a woman.

One commentor on the post asked why more women don’t like sucking a guy off and went on to state that (1) she loves doing it and can’t get enough of doing it and (2) what sucking a guy off means to her. She’s the type of woman that most guys have serious wet dreams about since this woman said that she’ll suck a guy off… just because and he doesn’t even have to ask if she would. Which is all well and good but is not how other women think and feel about it… and, again, why some guys are looking for other guys to suck them off (and other things).

Women have gained the reputation for not doing it and I’ve said it before: We – men – know that there are guys who will suck us off and without any of the hassles that women put us through. Women have the right to refuse to do it. No disputing this… but. Either a guy is just going to “live” with not being sucked off or he’s going to take matters into his own hands (so to speak) and, oddly, while they could kinda/sorta find a woman who’d be willing to suck him off, well, that would be cheating but not so much if a guy does it. Sounds weird, right? Cheating is cheating. But… boys will be boys and us sucking each other off is… a guy thing and one that a lot of women can’t make sense of because we’re not supposed to be doing that.

I’ve told women that I suck dick and they’ve gotten seriously offended and I’ve asked them, “What does this have to do with you?” and now I’m being read the riot act over what men are not supposed to do and how hurt and betrayed she feels, and I must not really care about her and especially if I want her to do something she doesn’t like doing… at all. I personally learned to not ask to be sucked off but that’s me; I learned from the experiences other guys had with this and them asking and getting kicked to the curb and even fussed at for having the nerve to even ask her to do it.

I learned that women are… conditional about sex. I… understand some stuff about why they are like most guys do not understand that females are, by default, sexual objects and guys start chasing them and begging for sex and this is a non-stop thing for them and… it gets old pretty quick and it’s not like they don’t want to have sex but guys have to work for it and even harder if they want to be sucked off and, well, it depends on a lot of stuff that is always subject to change without notice and without cause or reason. I would learn that some women… weaponize sex. It’s a way to control a guy and pretty much get him to do whatever she wants him to do and it’s always about what they’re not going to do, oh, like suck him off – unless, again, she’s of a mind that doing so will get him hooked on her and once the hook has been sunk in good, well, this is going to stop. I’ve heard women crow about doing this but, at the same time, wondering why they can’t keep a man and, yeah, why he cheated on her.

This whole blowjob thing is stupidly messy but the one thing that we know is that we can find a guy who’d give anything to suck us off and… zero conditions and other kinds of drama. Jeez, I can’t even begin to tell you how many guys have sucked my dick but I can tell you that only two of them weren’t of a mind to suck me off and that’s because they didn’t want to acquire the taste. Otherwise, unless some fucking was on the menu, we were hooked up to suck each other off… because, well, because. It is not to ever say that women are the sole reason for guys sucking each other off.

It’s just that sometimes, it is the reason and if you’ve read what I’ve written above, then you get an idea of how… convoluted this whole thing gets because, first and foremost, women don’t have to if they don’t want to and there’s no arguing their reason for not doing it… and, again, guys have two choices: Don’t get sucked off by her or find someone who will and, sometimes, that someone is a guy. I can hear the women reading this starting to sharpen their knives and… don’t. Just don’t. People want to know why we suck each other off and I’m the one who has the nerve to answer that question. And that women aren’t “always” at fault. For instance:

There are guys who will not eat pussy even if you put a gun to their head, but they want their dick sucked and finished. Now, unless the woman in question doesn’t like being eaten, um, guess what she’s not going to do unless you get to feasting on her? I mentioned “tit for tat” above but women have told me that they won’t suck a guy’s dick if he does not give 1000% to eating her pussy or, if he’s going to half-ass it, he loses or doesn’t earn the privilege of (a) having his dick sucked and/or (b) finished by allowing cum in her mouth.

I learned that some guys do not know how to get their dick sucked and what “most women” prefer they do: Just lie there and don’t even think about “helping” them. Women have told me that they’ve run into guys who watch porn and think that what they see on the screen is the way to get their dick sucked and, yeah, I know exactly what they mean because I’ve run into them, too. Some guys really don’t understand that if she’s not sucking you off, they might be the reason why she isn’t. However, it remains true that if a woman isn’t sucking a guy off, some will find someone else who will, and it might be a guy because “everyone knows” that there are guys who suck dick and swallow and by default and the only bargaining is… where to get it done. When is usually right now. As my protege has said, sometimes, the “price” he’s had to pay comes in the form of a drink, a couple of beers, or getting some tacos and as compared to how much it costs him to take a woman on a date and that’s no guarantee that sex is going to happen and if she does blow him, it is without any intent to finish him.

And accidents aren’t always forgiven, by the way.

Woman have said, “I don’t know what y’all get out of it!” and I have told them, “We get sucked off. What else is there to get out of it?” And you can accurately guess that this answer did not go over well with her. Told that we’re not supposed to do that shit; told that there are plenty of women willing to suck us, off or otherwise; getting “yelled” at when I’ve asked, “So why won’t you do it?” and, yeah, glutton for punishment but I’ve taken the punishment because, again, I have sucked off a lot of guys because of a woman’s thoughts and feelings about sucking dick and finishing the blow job with cum in her mouth and spitting it out is allowed but some guys get a little pissy about that.

And there are people who want to know why we suck each other off. It’s… not a sexuality thing but a sex thing. It doesn’t always have anything to do with being into men but very much a thing of a guy not minding that another guy is not only going to suck his dick, but the guy is also going to want the cum in his mouth so he can swallow it. And get kinda pissy if that doesn’t happen.

Having said all of this, some guys have… requirements if you want them to suck you off. I had asked my protege what a guy has to do in order for him to suck a guy off and… his list of requirements and conditions was pretty interesting but also in line with what I’ve heard a lot of other guys say. If it’s under the terms of FWB, it’s all good. But to suck a guy off just because? Eh, not so much from what I’ve been observing but that goes along with the growing angst toward casual sex – period.

Big time sighing over this one. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about this, and I’ve heard a lot of time, both pro and con and… it is what it is. It’s one of those things that I believe continues to drive huge wedges between men and women and one of the complications is that there are a lot of guys who want a woman to suck them off, but they really don’t understand how… not easy that really is because they wouldn’t suck a guy off even if they needed to save their life.

If you make it a problem for a woman to suck you off, guess what she’s not going to do? And that would be her idea of how the problem is defined. Up to and including her having reason to change her mind about it and she has the right to do this at any time and for any reason. It’s not that hard to understand but there are guys who… don’t get it. Guys who insist that women are supposed to always do it and saying no is never an option… but they’re wondering why women won’t suck them off. I had very much wanted to know what it was that (a) made a guy ask me for a blowjob and (b) why women weren’t getting him off like that and, yeah, you go to the source, and I had no problem asking a whole lot of women about sucking dick and what I’d be told… made sense and more so when it was some of the same stuff I would experience when sucking a guy off.

Women have one position on this; men have a very different one. Houston, we have a problem and one that is… unsolvable. There is no resolution to this, no compromises but there is recourse: Get a guy to do it. It’s not like a woman won’t suck a guy off but it… depends on some stuff and I’ve sucked guys off because women/or their woman won’t do it “on demand” and, yeah, sometimes, it’s literally a demand and if she doesn’t comply right away – that “maybe later” thing doesn’t sit well with guys who behave like this – then… someone else will be doing it when they want it done and that someone could be another guy.

But that’s becoming a lot more problematic these days. My protege gets hit maybe 100 times a day with guys wanting to suck him off and I am not exaggerating that number. And he actually rejects them all. He doesn’t have the time; doesn’t feel like being sucked off; doesn’t like how he was approached, the guy isn’t his type, the cocksucker has a really big and scary dick, so on and so forth. He says that if women were more of a mind to suck guys off, there would be less need for men to turn to other men for this and, well, idealistically, he’d be right but the reality, as always, says something really different.

I have had women tell me that they won’t suck a guy off because she doesn’t get anything out of doing it. My first wife rarely sucked me off because she knew that if she did, it was going to be a while before I would be able to fuck her and… I accepted her reasoning and, really, there was no sense or point in arguing it. A lesson learned about such a thing not being just about one person or, in context, a guy wants a woman to suck him off but what is she going to get in return because it’s not just about him and like some guys tend to think. She has to want to and chances are good that she has reasons not to – and some of those reasons might have been given to her by some other guy who made sucking him off a very unpleasant thing for her.

But if she’s not going to do it – and it’s well within her rights not to – it… baffles me why they get totally pissed or get all withdrawn when someone else does it and more so if it was a guy who did it. This isn’t a logic-based kind of thing because it’s an emotional one and if you really want to know why a woman – or your woman – isn’t sucking you off, ask her – she just might tell you if you can convince her that you’re not going rip her head off over what she has to say about it.

And, ladies, if you’re wondering why guys do this to each other or why your guy is or might be considering it, ask him and, preferably, without slicing and dicing him over what he might say. This is a conversation that should be had without emotions being involved and that’s not easy to do. I have heard guys tell their woman, “If you love me, you’ll do it…” and the kind version of their response is, “I love you, but…” and followed by every reason she has for not doing it. Some of them don’t or won’t make sense to some guys but it’s important for him to listen to them and not dismiss them out of hand or get pissy about it.

If you don’t know why a guy would want a full blowjob from a guy – or be the one giving it – um, you might want to rethink what you think you know about men and beginning with… we like having our dicks sucked and made to cum that way. I know that I do and I know I’m not the only one. The difference between myself and most guys is that… I don’t much care if it’s a woman doing it or a guy. I’ll suck a guy off… because (a) I love doing and (s) I am an oral sex fiend of the highest order. It’s sex but, like some women might do, if you keep bugging me about it or acting like I’m at your beck and call, well, guess what I won’t be doing? I do this at and for my pleasure but, then again, I’ve had more than enough experiences giving guys blowjobs to have learned the reasons why I won’t suck a guy off… and just like a lot of women wind up learning but there is a consequence for women and just like there is for men:

If you’re not going to do it, someone else will be more than happy to… and they might be the same sex as you are. Just the fact of the matter even if you are of a mind that it should not ever be the facts of the matter. I’m the guy who has given a lot of women’s men a full blowjob because… they had reason not to. I have sucked off many a guy who couldn’t come close to getting a woman to do it and one guy, believe it or not, who couldn’t get sucked off by a sex worker he was willing to pay for this. Well, that’s what he told me and I had no reason to believe or disbelief him and I did it because he was my idea of a nice guy.

I can’t wait to see how much farther the forum conversation is going to go. The biggest complaint and reason have been the women – wives or girlfriends – who are no longer interesting in having any kind of sex. That’s life. It sucks and never in a good way. Just the way it is. Now such men have choices: Get used to being celibate. Go find another woman who’d do it – but with the understanding that at some point, she’s going to stop sucking you off and… just because. Or go find one of the untold number of men who’d sell their most precious thing in order to suck you off.

It’s not just a sexuality thing – it’s a sex thing. Busting my ass about this doesn’t work – you don’t kill the messenger and I’m the messenger. Telling you what I know and have learned.