The other day and while perusing items with the “bisexuality” tag, I came across one written by a woman who, in her words, picked up on the cues on how to spot a bisexual man so he can be avoided at all costs. I read what she wrote… and I started laughing because she’s so far off-base with her cues and more so when I, as a bisexual man, don’t come close to any of them.
Neither do a lot of other bi guys. One of the things about biphobia has been warning women who are on the hunt for a man to stay away from “those down-low brothers” because they’ll just do you wrong and give you all kinds of nasty shit that you don’t want to deal with. The bad news is that there are bi guys who do fit that description… but that same description also applies to many straight men as well.
I don’t know what makes her think she can look at a guy and tell whether he’s bisexual or not; maybe she’s run into some dudes who have presented the cues she mentioned, like they’ve never been married and/or they don’t have any children even though the guy may be in his 50s.
Really? Being serious about two or more women in their life means they’re bi? Say what?
Okay… I get it and it’s yet another one of those perception versus the truth things I tend to go on about at times. There’s been a big enough wedge driven between men and women over our existence as a species… and male bisexuality is being used to drive that wedge even deeper and one, if they cared to, should wonder why this makes any sense.
I have, in my life to date, heard just about every bad thing that can be said about bisexual men and the sad part about this is that some of that stuff is true… but does it mean that all bisexual men are bad guys? Yeah, it does and in the minds of many and some of those minds are female.
I find it disturbing that biphobia has found a way to drive that wedge deeper between men and women – but I’m not surprised by it. A lot of women are scared shitless to discover that the guy they’re in love with is bisexual and now every bad case scenario they can think of just now gonna be true when, um, it might not ever be true.
And all because somewhere along the line, some bi guy fucked everything up for all bi men. It is to note, however, that there are still a whole lot of people who firmly believe that bisexual women are the holy grail – but that double standard has been with us for a damned long time, hasn’t it? While there are those who very much dislike bisexual women – and some of the bi gal haters are lesbian – the “main reason” is because we have this notion of what it means to be male or female and how this is all supposed to work when the truth is it has never really worked like that and the proof is that we’re still, as a whole, bitching a bitch about how much reality is doing to poke holes in that which is supposed to be.
At first, I wasn’t going to comment on that woman’s blog… but I did because, um, someone has to let her – and other women know – that what they believe ain’t the whole truth of things. The thing is that once someone gets it into their head that a bi guy is the worst creature ever born, getting them to change their viewpoint is damned near impossible.
I even pointed out something to her, that being, chances are good that a bi guy has more in common with women than a straight guy does given how a lot of us find out some of the same things women do about men… and, yeah, a lot of the things women can’t stand about men. Do women see this? Not so much; all they see is a guy who “isn’t going to be all about them” and in whatever way that means and the perception that bi guys are more about guys than gals.
And some are… and way too many are still more about women than they are about men. Indeed, there are bi guys who don’t even like other guys in the same way they’re crazy about those very insane women. Yes – they like the sex… and provided they’re even having any of it but many bi guys are of a mind that when it comes to love and that deeper sense of intimacy, only a woman will fit that bill to their satisfaction.
The woman who authored the post said something about bi guys only interacting with other people via social media because it hides the truth of what they really are… and my eyes rolled so hard they filed a complaint against me. One thing one learns about social media is that what you see might not be real and it stands to reason that there are some folks who use social media just to fuck with other people… because it’s their idea of fun and they have nothing better to do with their time.
Doesn’t mean that a guy who is deep into social media is bisexual… but she seems to think this is an indicator. I pointed out to her that not only have I been bisexual damned near all of my life, I’ve made it my mission in life to understand male bisexuality… and even I can’t tell a bi guy from a straight one. Indeed, one of the many complaints I read about on the forum is the utter inability to figure out if a guy is bi or not.
She wrote that it doesn’t make sense for a man not to be honest about what he is and I pointed out to her that the reason why a lot of men aren’t being honest about it is her reaction to bisexual men; it kinda doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to be honest about it with someone who will, upon hearing this, will shred you like lettuce and throw you away like you’re garbage… because they believe that you are just that.
Garbage. Unmanly. Incapable of tending to a woman’s needs and all that. Only being totally focused on her and nothing else. She, like so many women and people in general, thinks that bisexual means homosexual even though the majority of bisexual men are still more into women than they are guys.
She doesn’t know or isn’t aware of the fact that there are loads of bisexual men who are happily involved with women and that they’ve put their desire for men on the shelf so they can be with her and in every way that means. She doesn’t know or isn’t aware of the fact that there are a lot of married (or otherwise involved) bi guys who are horribly frustrated because they just will not cheat on their woman to get the dick they crave.
Now, bi guys today aren’t the same as they were when I was growing up. While a lot of guys grew up having to hide/suppress their bisexuality, a lot of men today are deciding not to hide or suppress it because they understand, if no one else cares to, how much doing this really fucks them up both mentally and physically… but because women have such a hatred for us, nope, not really of a mind to let girlfriend know about this.
And the fucked up part is still that thing where we, as men, are expected, demanded and required to accept women as-is and if you can’t, you’re dismissed… but to ask a woman to accept that a guy is bisexual – not gay, mind you – is serious out of the question and we’re some kind of idiots to expect women to treat us in the same as-is way that they demand that we do.
What she doesn’t know or might not be aware of is that there are a lot of women who are more comfortable with a bi guy than a straight one; I’ve seen some stuff written where some women are saying that a bi guy is the best kind of guy to be partnered with because the bi guy is more likely to be more open-minded, understanding, and easygoing about a lot of things. Bi guys aren’t likely to get all into that “Me Tarzan, you Jane” shit that women can’t stand about us in the majority of times.
Like I said to her in my comment, I’m not saying she’s wrong to think the way she does but she is misinformed – eh, she might not like that I said that but I don’t PC very well. I know some… shit that she doesn’t and I even know why she’s thinking the way she does; I know that she thinks she’s developed her school of thought all on her own… and she didn’t; her mindset really isn’t her own but a continuation of a prejudice we as a species has about anyone who isn’t exactly like us or doesn’t conform to the way things are supposed to be.
It’s not her fault, to be honest – a lot of women are just like her and sometimes without really understanding why they are. It’s easier to believe all of the bad shit being thrown around than it is to look at – and accept – the truth; it’s easier to lump all bi guys into one really messy pile of stinky shit than it is to look at the positives that do exist. I’ve heard it said that a lot of women are and feel threatened by bisexual men because their focus “isn’t totally on them” and some see us as competition for a man’s affection… and I’m of a mind that if we’re competing with women about anything, uh, um, it’s getting some dick to play with more than anything else but, sure, I can see how people confuse us with gay men.
What she doesn’t know or isn’t aware of is that there are gay men who like women a lot more than they’re willing to admit to and I mean not in a “we’re all just girls” kind of way – some gay men like pussy, too. They wouldn’t come out and say that they’re bisexual but, yeah, if they’re occasionally packing some woman’s stuff, they are more gay than bi as a matter of course…
But it’s always about perception, isn’t it? It’s the same thing that makes a guy suck a dick (or two or ten) and swear on a stack of holy items that he’s still straight. You know what I say: If this sounds insane to you, it’s because it really is. We see the world in the way we want to because it’s not easy to see it as it really is so is it really all that unusual for a straight woman to see men only in the way they want to see them?
No, it isn’t… but the truth is no one is really the way we want them to be and this woman, along with so many others, have reason not to like bisexual men because they’re not supposed to but they’re faced with a problem, that being, how does one identity a bi guy from a straight guy and more so when the majority of bi guys are more straight in their behaviors than they are gay?
If you wanna know, ask him and with the understanding that he’s probably not going to tell you because who likes getting tarred and feathered for being who and what they need to be in order to be okay with themselves? Most guys know – and because history tells us – that if we told the woman we love that we like guys, too, it’s game over and we’d prefer that the game doesn’t end, if it’s all the same to you. Sure, we like dick… but women do as well but instead of seeing this as a common ground, it becomes a bigger wedge between us. Just because a guy likes dick doesn’t mean that he’s not man enough to… be a man and in the sense that men are supposed to always be.
But the perception is this can’t be true… can it? Truth is a lot of bi guys are all male in everything they do… except, um, pounding the pussy ain’t the only sexual thing they enjoy.
My protege says that relationships between men and women would be so much better if women can accept and understand that we like dick like they do but we are still very much about them and in all their insane glory… because it makes sense to be crazy about those crazy women.
What this school of thought kinda suggests that if you’re bi and just being who you want to be, you’re about as wrong as anything can be – you’re supposed to be what other people want you to me or, “How dare you be yourself!”
We just stubbornly believe that being straight and involved with a bisexual is a bad thing… because we believe that it is and the truth is still very different… and summarily ignored. Again, we’d rather believe the hype more than anything else.
And now that wedge between men and women is being driven deeper and this is a very sad state of affairs and mostly because we’re made to believe that because of some bad apples, all bi guys are the most horrible creatures ever born. And that’s because we’re more about the way things are supposed to be than we are about the way things can be. There are both men and women who very much believe in the fairy tale of how things are supposed to be and, yes, it is a fairy tale and it doesn’t take much to see why it is. It’s an ideal kind of thing and one that we were told is the only way to be…
And that was never the truth of things. Never. Yet it’s still easier to believe the fairy tale than it is to accept the truth: This ain’t some pie in the sky, feel-good shit: This is real life shit. People are bisexual and bisexual people do get involved with people because they love them, feel great affection and desire for them but, yeah, when it comes to things like sex, the way it’s supposed to be ain’t the way it really is – it’s never been that way but we do keep believing that it’s not supposed to be.
And until we, collectively, can get our heads around this fact of life shit, there will be women like the one I’ve been writing about who will continue to believe that bi guys are the worst human beings ever born – because that’s exactly the way she’s supposed to be thinking and because she was made to think this way.
Not all bi guys are angels and all storybook perfect… but who among us really are? Some bi guys are assholes… and so are a lot of straight guys… and even gay guys. She doesn’t know this or she isn’t as aware of this as she should be but, yeah, sure, isn’t it easier for her to “hate” on bi guys and because she’s supposed to and more so when the guy who is more likely to fuck up her whole life is, in fact, straight and rabidly so?