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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Shameless

During the morning routine of checking my apps, checking Tumblr presented me with two pics of my favorite things to do: Eat pussy and suck dick. I am, hopelessly and shamelessly, a fan of doing both things. My answer to the question of whether I prefer to eat pussy or suck dick is, “Yes!”

Both things requires a modicum of skill and technique but it’s always been my opinion that the most necessary ingredient is having great desire and passion to give someone head until they cum… or they wind up beating you off of them because you don’t wanna stop using your mouth, lips, and tongue on them.

And you can’t wait for them to regroup so you can go back down on them again.

I grew up in a time where women demanded that you lick it before you can stick it and just getting down there and giving the kitty a few token licks or – gasp – telling her you ain’t into that would be a very bad thing and no matter how good you could sling the dick at the pussy. Didn’t take me long to figure out that if a woman was gonna say something bad about me, it wouldn’t be that I couldn’t eat pussy worth a damn.

I’ve heard many people say that getting head does nothing for them and hearing this doesn’t as much make me wonder about them as it does make me wonder who was trying to orally please them… and failing at it. In the world of M2M, it’s my opinion that having cock sucking skills should be “mandatory” and more so since not all guys into M2M are into fucking (or being fucked); yet, there are guys who won’t suck a dick and even more guys who will suck dick… but won’t allow their own cock to be sucked.

I know it’s all about whatever floats one’s boat but, damn, it’s the best part of having sex with someone; it’s so intimate and it often surprises me that some people think, feel, and/or believe that giving someone head isn’t really intimate… or even sex.

Sure, giving head is hard work and I don’t mean just physically; you also have to contend with the receiver’s expectations and even their past history of getting eaten or blown and that can be harder than meeting their expectations, well, except when you have no idea what their expectations are other than they expect it to be good and they expect to cum… and even more of a challenge when you’re told that no one’s ever been able to make them cum orally.

I love a good challenge… and if you love to give head, not taking on such a challenge kinda/sorta doesn’t make sense. Sure, ya might not be able to make them cum… but did you have fun trying?

I’m not so arrogant and;or egotistical to say I’m the best at giving head nor am I foolish enough to guarantee that you will cum… but I will say that that I won’t stop trying until you said you’ve had enough and that I will always give 100% because even if you go away thinking that it was t as good as you hoped, I most certainly had fun doing it.

I’ve been gagged, had teeth loosened, have had my face a braided and scoured by pubic hair and with women who squirt, I’ve come close to drowning a few times; I’ve swallowed spunk that didn’t taste all that hot and I’ve swallowed some that, um, didn’t agree with my digestive system and as evidenced by a lot of time sitting on the toilet after the fact. And despite the hazards that are inherent in going down on someone, my god, it’s still a damned exciting thing for me to do.

Someone asked me if I ever got tired of doing it and I can’t honestly say that I have; to me, this isn’t a chore or some obligatory thing to be done; I love giving head and if all I do is give someone head, I can be very happy and satisfied. Indeed, there are times when I’d rather eat pussy than to fuck it, not that fucking isn’t fun, mind you but at least for me, being between a woman’s legs and going at her with mouth, tongue and, yes, fingers, is such a thrill and one I just don’t get enough of.

I’d do it all day if I could. And, sure, if you wanna give me head, I’m sure as hell not gonna tell you no, thanks – I’m good. I don’t expect anyone to be a certified master – I’m just grateful that they’d want to return the favor, you know, given how funny some people can be about sucking dick.

Where some folks think of giving/getting head in terms of good and bad, I long since learned not to think in those terms because the only bad oral sex is not being able to have it at all, giving or receiving; thus, any time you can give/receive is always good.

 
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Posted by on 27 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Because She Asked

I made a comment on a post written by DDJennifer (https://ddjennifer.wordpress.com/2018/06/22/260-more-mike-jen-kayla-equity-vs-equality/) and she suggested that I copy and paste it into a blog of my own… so here it is:

Methinks some people see the phrase “open marriage” and immediately fear the worst right along with not understanding what this really means. In my first marriage, I went through the “process” from being monogamous to being open to being poly and it was one hell of a trip and experience and while no relationship is immune to the problems inherent in having a relationship, it is about equity more than equality and, as I like to say, being able to adopt a mindset where the relationship is about “us” and not about “me” so much.

And while you can never discount individualism in any relationship, being open is about everyone involved working toward the same goal and with the same shared vision. It’s certainly about the core relationship and the mindset of, “What can we do to make our lives together the best it can be?” and then doing whatever that entails and, importantly, remaining vigilant and determined to make it work.

By the time I got to poly, my god, I learned so much about love, sex, and relationships that it wasn’t funny just as I learned that living and loving like this is actually harder than being monogamous – in this, you only have one person to deal with as opposed to dealing with two or more other people in the mix. I learned that you cannot treat your partners under the auspices of equality – that’s a nightmare waiting to happen that, um, sure, I’d wish that on my worst enemy and it would serve them right for being dumb enough to think that equality, as we understand it, can be easily established. Being open/poly is an investment that requires equity and creating an environment where one and all can flourish and as comfortably as humanly possible.

It’s still not easy to do… but it can be done and once you’ve learned how to live like this, you never want to go back to being monogamous if you can avoid it.

When people would question how and why we were living the way we were, the answer was always, “Because we want to and it just works for us and it makes the most sense.”

Now for the other side of this thing, namely, how people who attempt this get it wrong more often than not.  In previous writing about this topic, I’ve repeatedly said that in order to be in an open relationship, you first have to unlearn everything you’ve ever learned about love, sex, and relationships so you can learn another way to do these things.  Monogamy is mandated and to the point where people who aren’t married carry on relationships as if they were married; the same rules, the same restrictions, and the same problems married folks experience except folks in an unmarried relationship can usually walk away from it without getting any lawyers involved.

One of the other things I learned and, again, said a lot in previous posts on this, is that being in an open and/or poly relationship isn’t for the weak at heart or those folks subject to experiencing and displaying certain negative emotions – jealousy and possessiveness among them; I’ve also said that when considering being open/poly, the rules of monogamy are, in essence, null and void because, duh, you can’t “keep only unto yourself” if you’re considering expanding what will hopefully become what’s known as the core relationship.

And I’ve said that if you don’t think you can do any of the things necessary, don’t even try it.  You see, we barely understand what it takes to be in a relationship with just one person and the tenets of monogamy are hammered into us almost as soon as we are able to understand them and said tenets are assumed to be inviolate and, importantly, the right thing to be done at all times… except, don’t we find out that this doesn’t work as advertised?  I’ve said and asked not to be taken wrong but for many, being monogamous works and works well but for others?  Eh, not so much.

Relationships erode, decay, become stagnant and wind up ending because, seemingly, there’s no recourse or other alternative to breaking up when, in fact, there’s always been another course of action a couple can take:  Open the relationship and more so when it becomes apparent that there are needs that should be taken care of but monogamy (and a few other things) doesn’t allow for any, ah, outside assistance.  People fret over cheating and I’ve read other blogs about this and their authors asking what, if anything can be done to prevent cheating and other than being single and by yourself, the answer is found in yet another thing I’ve said a lot:  It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission… but what if you could get permission?  How does a couple combat the ever-present threat of infidelity?  Remove the mindset that suggests that infidelity is always a bad thing.  The bad part is that getting permission is deemed to be impossible given what we – as a whole – tend to believe.  But getting permission brings a new set of issues, namely, ya just don’t know how to have a relationship that involves more than one person.

But it can be done, as DDJennifer’s blog indicates.  It’s not without some issues but as I said in my comment, it’s about having a shared goal and vision – everyone should be on the same page while doing their best to avoid the negative emotions.  For instance, I read someone’s blog a few weeks ago and the author said that her and her hubby were now in an open relationship (and she asked for it) but there were times when she felt the need to stake out her territory and even admitted that she felt… neglected at times when her hubby and their new female partner would interact. It’s actually a normal kind of reaction, given what we’ve been taught about relationships… but harboring these kinds of feelings can, eventually, slam the door on an open relationship.  You quickly learn some shit that’s hard to process:  The open/poly relationship is about you… but not really and I’ll keep right on saying that in these things, if you are unable to think “us” more than “me,” you’re usually gonna fail in your attempts to find happiness in this arrangement – and an arrangement that’s a lot more involved than just sex, you know, just in case you were of a mind that these things is purely and solely about sex.  Again, it is… but not as a main focus of being open and poly; the purpose of the open relationship is to improve the core relationship or being able to answer this question:

“What can we do to make our lives together the best it can be?”  Sadly, this question is often difficult to answer because we – on the whole – tend to think in terms of what we’re not going to do, even for the sake of love… and as long as your mind is stuck in this place, being open/poly just ain’t gonna work.  I’ve said that being open/poly is even harder than being monogamous and I’m being nice about it when I say it… but it can be done.  As DDJennifer wrote in her blog, being open/poly isn’t about equality – it’s about equity and it’s an investment of the highest order.  I read and know of single folks who are poly and while I’d not say that, for the most part, they’re not successful at having multiple partners, many of them manage their relationships while employing the rules of monogamy and finding that doing this is kinda hard when you don’t have that one person at your side who not only shares this vision but is willing to stick by your side as part of the core relationship.

Which is why it’s my belief that openness and polyamory works best for couples who are already in an established relationship; the core is already present and, importantly, the core partners are secure in their relationship and their love for each other… and even more important, they are dedicated to doing whatever’s necessary to make sure that core relationship lasts as long as humanly possible… and even if that means adding as many other people as they can and implementing a plan that makes sure that everyone involved shares the investment, goals, and vision of the expanded relationship.

Equity… not never equality and I say this because it’s virtually impossible to establish equality when you’re dealing with different personalities as well as different wants and needs and that, my friends, is the really hard part.  You can’t show favoritism and you do your level best to not to try to treat everyone the same way – equally – but according to who they are; if you think communication is important in a “normal” relationship, you can’t begin to believe how very important this becomes when two becomes three or four; if you suck at time management, problem and conflict resolution, um, you’re already behind the eight-ball.

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking that, fuck, this open/poly thing is a pain in the ass, you’d be right – it is and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.  At the same time, it can be the most liberating thing a couple could do but as I say, you gotta really and seriously be grown up enough to do this.  Like in any other relationship, you’ll have regrets, problems, and other things that make the day-to-day management of the relationship a bitch to deal with and even I’ll admit there were times in my experiences when I asked myself – and a lot – “Why did I agree to do this crazy shit?”  But I’d remember why I did – because it made sense to.

Is there a sure-fire way to do this and have it work?  Uh, no; the bad part is that while there’s a lot of information available as to how to accomplish this, you’re gonna have to find your way in this.  Hell, if I knew the definitive answer to getting it done and correctly so, I’d be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.  What I do know is how not to do this, what the pitfalls are and, if nothing else, what the basics are.

After that, you’re on your own.

So, Jennifer – how did I do?

 
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Posted by on 23 June 2018 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Should I Have Said Yes?”

Many, many years ago, I was talking to a guy I knew and asking him how his weekend went.  He said it was okay, mentioned that he’d gone to the club to hang out and meet women – the usual stuff.  He got quiet for moment then blurted out, “Some dude hit on me and asked me if he could suck my dick!  Ain’t that some shit?”

“I suppose,” I said – I really wasn’t surprised by that and if for no other reason than I know how some guys can get when they’ve gotten a few drinks under their belt.  “I’ve had it happen to me – what about it?”

He got a little quieter as he looked around for a moment before asking, “Should I have said yes?”

Hmm.  I stood there for a moment looking at him, thinking about what I knew about him and remembering that the word on the street was that he and the woman he’d been seeing had broken up a few months ago.  He was waiting for me to say something and instead of gleefully telling him that he should have agreed to the blow job and reveled in it, I kinda played it safe and responded with, “I dunno… I’m guess that if you’re asking that question, it’s crossed your mind that maybe you should have.”

“But that’s some gay ass shit!” he said.

“Not all guys who give head are gay, you know,” I said with a smile.  “I notice you didn’t confirm or deny that saying yes crossed your mind.”

If he could have blushed, he would have blushed an interesting shade of red.  “Yeah, when I got back to the crib, I did think that maybe I should have said yes,” he admitted.  “What would you have done?”

“This isn’t about me,” I said – you just gotta love how people will push something back on you to keep from saying anything that could be potentially incriminating.  “But since you asked, if some dude rolled up on me at the club and hit on me like that – and depending on how he did it – I might have said yes… or not.”

“You’d let some dude blow you?” he asked, his shock rather obvious.

“I have,” I said, watching my answer deepen his sense of shock; back then, I wasn’t beyond doing shit like that just to see how someone would react.

“Well, damn,” he said, shaking his head.  Now, at this point, I was expecting him to say that I didn’t look like the type or that he didn’t know I was down like that… but he surprised me by asking, “What was it like?”

“I had no reason to complain – homey was pretty damned good at it,” I replied.

“But how… why…?”  He was baffled.

“The why is easy – I like having my dick sucked,” I said with a shrug.  “Doesn’t really matter who’s doing it.”

He blinked twice before he asked, “Did you, um, did you blow him?”

“No,” I answered truthfully and what I didn’t tell him that I had wanted to return the favor but he wasn’t about having the favor returned.  “But what does any of that have to do with you thinking that you should have said yes?”

“But you ain’t gay, man!” he said.

“Of course I’m not gay,” I said.  “Who says you have to be gay for a dude to give you some head?”

“But… but…” he stuttered.

“Look, man, maybe you should have let him suck your dick, maybe you did the right thing by telling him thanks but no, thanks.  When you get all retrospective about something, it’s easy to say what you would have said or done and more so when, in fact, whatever you’re thinking about never happened.  And, no – it doesn’t make a difference what anyone else would have said or done in that situation but it does make a difference where what you’re thinking is concerned,” I replied – and, yes, that evil part of me was giggling like an idiot seeing him all flustered; hey, I never said I was always a nice guy, okay?

“The question you should be asking yourself is if you ran into him or some other guy asking to suck your dick, how will you answer them?” I offered for his consideration.  “You gotta know that you ain’t the only guy who’s been hit on like that… and while you’re not the only guy who has said no, there are some guys who say yes, get their dick sucked, bust a nut, and go on about their business.”

“Why would they do that?” he asked.  Ah, his confusion was so delicious!

“It’s a blow job, dude,” I said. “Who doesn’t like getting their dick sucked?  The only reason why a guy would consent to being blown by another guy is, um, because he wants and needs to have his dick sucked so he can get off.”

“So if some dude rolled up right now and asked if he could suck your dick, you’d say yes?” he asked.

“I told you this ain’t about me or what I’d do,” I reminded him.  “But, sure – if I felt like a blow job was just what the doctor ordered right about now, I’d let him blow me; wouldn’t be the first time and it probably wouldn’t be the last time.  But the question is still valid:  If some dude rolled up right now and asked you if he could suck your dick, how would you respond?”

“Should I say yes?” he asked.

“That depends on a couple of things, like, do you need to have your dick sucked and do you really care who’s doing it?” I asked.  At this point, I will tell y’all that it was, um, kinda obvious that if nothing else, his body thought it was a good idea given that a blind person could have seen that his dick was very hard trapped in his pants. “Look, man, it happens; a whole lot of dudes find a reason to do something that everybody thinks shouldn’t ever happen and like I said, not all of the guys who’d polish your dome for you are gay.”

“I love pussy!” he exclaimed.  “I’m all about the twat!”

“Okay… so why are we having this conversation?” I countered.  “Like I said, you must be thinking that you should have said yes.”

“Why the fuck would I have said some shit like that?” he asked.

I looked around – don’t ask me why – and said, “I know you and home girl broke up a while ago and I’m pretty sure that if you were getting some pussy, we wouldn’t be having this conversation and, believe it or not, dudes in this situation would gladly whip his shit out and let some dude suck on it.”

“I ain’t that desperate!” he said and just a bit heatedly.

“As you say… but, again, I’m guessing you thought about it after the fact because if you weren’t trying to answer the question of whether or not you should have said yes, we still wouldn’t be talking about this, would we?” I said.

“I fucking hate you sometimes,” he said and without any real malice behind his statement.  “Yeah, I thought about it when I got home and, um, maybe I should have let him do it.”

“See?  That wasn’t so hard, was it?” I said with a laugh.

“You must think I’m some kind of freak,” he said, looking down at his feet.

“I think you’re one of many guys who manages to understand that getting your dick sucked by another dude might not be as bad as everyone says it’s supposed to be,” I said.  “So you’re thinking and realizing that you should have let him blow you – believe me, it’s not all that unusual!  The thing is what might you do if the situation comes up again?”

“Man, I gotta say that you don’t look like the type who’d be down for some shit like that,” he said, finally uttering the silly statement I had been anticipating earlier.

“What does the type look like?” I asked.  “The type can look like anybody, home skillet… and before you even ask, no – I’m not gonna tell anyone that we had this conversation.”

We went our separate ways a few minutes later.  As I recall, I saw him again two weeks later and when I saw his face light up, I knew he had something to tell me.  After the usual greetings, he looked around and said, “Yo, man, you were right!”

“What was I right about?” I asked.

“I ran into that same dude again at the club and we were rapping and sipping on some drinks… and he asked me if he could suck my dick… and I told him that he could,” he said and whispering like someone other than myself was gonna hear him – there wasn’t a soul within a hundred yards of us.

“And?” I prompted.

“Man… I ain’t never had my dick sucked like that!” he blurted out.

“I’m guessing it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was gonna be, huh?” I said while trying not to laugh at how excited and animated he’d become.

“I know some babes that could take lessons from him,” he said; again, if you could see him blush, it would have been spectacular.  “But check this out – he wasn’t some gay dude!”

“Didn’t I tell you that not all dudes who suck dick are – or have to be – gay?” I asked.

“Dude’s married with five kids, he told me,” he said, shaking his head.

I just shrugged because none of that information surprised me one bit.

“I fucking hate your ass sometimes,” he said, lightly punching me in the chest.

“For what?” I asked.

“For being right, ya smart ass motherfucker,” he said.

“It is what it is, man,” I said, giving him a light punch in the arm.  “I’m thinking that at first, you were scared and nervous but since you’d committed to it, you went with it; he started sucking on you and you realized that, damn, this shit is good!  But I’m also thinking that after you busted a nut, you felt kinda bad… but you also realized that it didn’t kill you and, importantly, it didn’t turn you into a flaming fag.”

His eyes flew open widely.  “How’d you know that?”

“It’s how most guys react the first time they experience this… and, no, don’t even think about asking me if I did – this ain’t about me!  Just trust that I know what I’m talking about, okay?”

“I fucking…,” he began but I cut him off.

“Yeah, yeah, I know you can’t stand my ass,” I said with a laugh.

“Um, ah, I sucked his dick,” he said quietly.

“Okay; can I say that I’m not surprised and you don’t get offended?” I asked.  “Wait, let me tell you why you did and you can tell me whether I’m right or not.  He’s going down on you like a fiend and the next thing you know, you’ve got your hand around his dick and you’re pumping it… and at some point, you wanted to put your mouth on his dick because, really, how bad of a thing could it be and more so since homey was blowing your brains out like his life depended on it?  And you just went for it and, hmm, it didn’t kill you and it wasn’t really all that bad.”

“I’m through with you,” he said.  “You said that shit like you were there watching it!”

“I know how it can and usually does go,” I said.  “Like I said, you ain’t the only guy I know who’s been through this and you ain’t saying anything that I haven’t heard them – and a whole lot of other guys – say.”

“Can I ask you something?” he asked.

“Yes, I suck dick, if that’s what you want to know,” I answered, anticipating his question.

“Damn.”

“I told you I knew what I was talking about, didn’t I?” I asked.

“Damn.”

Again, we parted ways and as we did so, I felt a sense of… satisfaction to know that another man had discovered that throwing it down with another dude wasn’t as horrible as everyone said it was.  I was thinking that, sure, a lot of guys will do this when they’re at their wit’s end – there’s not a woman within a hundred miles who’d consent to having sex with them and while jerking off can take the edge off, it doesn’t hold a candle to being in a moment when you’re doing something sexual with someone else… and even if that someone else happens to be another guy.

It happens.  It has always happened.  It’s happening right now somewhere in the world… and it will keep happening as more and more men – and even women – come to understand that there’s more to this sex thing than we’ve been led to believe and it’s not about being gay or whatever.

It’s about being human.

 

 
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Posted by on 15 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bisexual Angst

Okay, so during my visit to the bi guy forum, I saw an updated comment to the bro-job topic but what caught my eye was part of an earlier comment made by a member that went along the lines of why sex has been, essentially, made a mountain out of a molehill.  Do y’all remember me telling you that when it comes to sex, men can be a lot funnier about it than women can be?

One of the things that tends to stick in my mind when I’m thinking about male bisexuality is that I can clearly remember a time when two dudes having sex wasn’t as difficult as it is today.  It’s not as if there weren’t concerns and there were two of them:  Getting caught doing it and being tagged as being a faggot, queer, pansy, fairy and more derogatory things.  Otherwise, it might take some encouragement to get a guy to agree to do it with you and along the lines of, “I won’t tell if you won’t!”  It was rare that someone got outed or caught in the act but, boys being boys, sure, every now and then someone would do it with a guy and, basically, kiss and tell; embarrassing at the least, a reason to get into a fight at the worst.  Still, the main thrust (no pun yet) was being able to do it like this and only the guys you were doing it with knew about it and, again, for the most part, everyone would keep quiet about it.

You knew that you weren’t supposed to do it with another guy but while knowing this stopped a lot of guys dead in their tracks, it wasn’t that much of a deterrent; the worst that could happen is you could get one hell of a beating and get grounded for long periods of time – youngsters doing the deed really had little to lose if they got caught or if parents even suspected their little boy was even thinking about disobeying this edict.  However, these days, guys fret about this and, at times, excessively so.  Sure, there are risks and concerns… but what sexual activities don’t have risks and concerns?  There are millions of men who want to get with a guy and fulfill their M2M desires and while some take that leap of faith and dive right on in, many, many more continue to sit on the side of the pool and talk about all of the shit that can go wrong as well as all of the shit that prevents them from doing what they, admittedly, have a great desire and need to do.

Men are so paranoid about this and while I’d say that discretion becomes a major watchword at the adult level of activity, wow, guys really do make this harder (no, still not a pun) than it has to be and many, in fact, actually go out of their way to make sure they won’t get the sex they say they want and need.  The funny thing is that when you ask them why they’re making things so difficult, no one can really answer the question except to rehash all of the reasons why they can’t get any dick:  They’re afraid of catching something, afraid of being outed, afraid of people close to them finding out; can’t find a guy to do anything with, there’s a major angst against casual sex; they want sex in more of a relationship setting (think FWB) but, at the same time, they really don’t want a relationship with a guy (in the traditional sense) and more so if they’re already in a relationship, which adds to the concern of not wanting to cheat on a partner… but that partner isn’t all that willing or able to provide for the guy’s sexual and even emotional needs.

They feel that if they do this, they have so much to lose if things go sideways… and they seem to automatically assume that things will go sideways.  One guy on the forum was talking about his great need to suck cock and reading his reasons why he hasn’t – and has turned down quite a few guys who offered themselves for this purpose – his main reason was he didn’t want anyone to find out that he was sucking cock.  Now, I know that even thinking about throwing this taboo out the window is a scary proposition but, um, if “Ted” wants to suck cock and “Ralph” comes along and they both share this need, if they throw it down, who’s gonna know that they did it (other than the two of them)?  Some of it is having a guilty conscience about disobeying the edict to keep sex between men and women only… but guys sitting on the bench really don’t have anything to feel guilty about other than they’re thinking about how much they wanna do it with another guy and, thankfully, we don’t live in a “Minority Report” age and society where you can be found guilty of something just because you thought of it – but you haven’t done it… yet.

The truth is a lot of guys “cross themselves” and go play with a dick… and no one is the wiser.  Now, some guys wind up doing things in a way that they’re not really aware of and things that will make the people around them suspicious, usually, they start playing with dicks and changing their routines in order to accommodate this, like being in places they’re not known to frequent or all of a sudden, they’re hanging out with guys… but, routinely, they’re not known for doing a whole lot of hanging out with the fellas.  Tack on to this the odd thing that when we do something we shouldn’t have done, a lot of us tend to act guilty and to people observing us, well, what’s wrong with “Tim?”  He’s been acting kinda weird here lately – is everything okay with him?

Then there’s the whole debate about whether to come out or stay off society’s radar; again, it’s a legit concern because, for reasons even I don’t understand, when you discover your bisexuality, you have an equally powerful desire to shout it to the mountaintops even though we live in a society that is, at best, indifferent and, at the worst, homophobic to a fault.  On the forum, this particular discussion can be rather animated and, again, a main reason why guys who want to get some dick won’t ever get any.  Some guys have come out to people close to them and have gotten their heads handed to them which is what usually happens while others have come out to those around them and it’s no big deal and they’ve even been encouraged to pursue their same-sex desires, you know, as long as you’re being careful about who you do it with.

Some guys, even in this day and age, worry about being homosexual while many more have bought into the bisexual invisibility bullshit and biphobia; they’re allowing social opinion stop them from doing what they know they want and need to do.  Sure, it’s not unusual for a guy who discovers he now has a taste for dick to ask himself if he’s really gay and guys do overly fret about it when all they have to do is think about how much they love women (and especially having sex with them) to see that, uh, no – you’re not really gay, “Tim” old boy.  I get that guys are worried about what others will say about him and, worse, what they might do if they were found out… but it’s something one must plan for because shit does happen when we don’t want it to… still, unless you start screaming to the mountaintops that you’ve finally found out what it’s like to have sex with a guy and you’re loving it, uh, who’s gonna know that you did it?  Guys are nearly petrified about catching an STD and I’m not joking when I say that some guys believe that the moment they even wrap their hand around another guy’s cock, he’s gonna get infected.  What they don’t even think about – or maybe even be aware of – is that you can catch something nasty having sex with women just as “easily” as you could with a guy, like chlamydia, for example, or an UTI for another.

Sex has always been risky business, right?  There’s a reason it was known (at least in my time) as “doing the nasty.”  Even though there are ways to prevent and/or minimize these risks – using condoms – guys are just weird and even the guys who say they wouldn’t ever have sex with another guy without a condom are worried about catching something.  I can say it until I get blue in the face (and if you can imagine that):  It’s not that there aren’t any legitimate concerns involved with wanting to play with another man’s dick… but guys are taking these concerns way over the top and a lot of the things they’re overly concerned about can be dealt with if they take the time to think about what they need to do to not have their worst nightmares come true.

Guys wanting to get into this get so paranoid that, as I mentioned, they go out of their way to make sure that there isn’t a human male anywhere on the planet they can have sex with by emphasizing preferences and building the “perfect man to have sex with” in their mind, right along with setting conditions for sex that, upon further review, only ensures that they won’t be having sex with any man.  When you hear a guy say, “I can’t find any guys to have sex with!” it’s not really a question of finding a guy to do this with; what they really mean is that they’ve made this kind of sex so rigidly conditional that there’s not a man anywhere who can make the grade exactly and precisely.  Now, ya might be thinking that a guy is well within his rights to want what he wants and in the way he wants it… and you’d be right… and therein lies the answer to the question of why guys make this harder than it has to be.  I even chide my protegé about this because he’s always talking about what he likes to do or what he prefers… but rarely, if ever, talks about what he can do and/or what he’s capable of.  You see, a guy can have sex with any guy who agrees to have sex with him… but we’re making this pretty hard to do because we set preferences in our minds and just refuse to change or relax them in order to get done what we say we need to do.  Like I tell my protegé, I’m not any different from anyone else – I have preferences, likes and dislikes just like everyone else does… the difference is that mine aren’t locked in lead and deemed unchangeable and/or non-negotiable.  At the least, the guy has to be clean/healthy, of legal age to consent to sex and, the important consideration, not my idea of an asshole so guys who meet these minimum requirements makes things doable.

Sure, things like personality and other qualities can be considered; it’s not exactly that “hearts, not parts” bullshit that’s going around because, duh, before someone agrees to have sex with anyone, they’re gonna consider the person they’re wanting to have sex with.  But I’ll say this and without any offense:  Guys are getting more and more like women about having sex, i,e., setting the bar high (which, again is well within their right to do so) but cementing the bar in place; there’s no give, no flexibility, no room for compromise or recourse.  Yes… once you’ve been out there and getting it done, you will learn what you like and dislike and what type of person you can best resonate with… but the thing with some guys is that they, in fact, have zero prior experience doing it with guys… and while you can very well imagine what you’d like and not like, the only way you’re really going to develop and establish this is to get naked with a guy and do whatever it is you want to experience.  Yes, you can ask other guys about their experiences – and you can hear a lot of horror stories and they can be scary enough to override a simple fact:  Your experiences can and will be different… but if you don’t do it, you can’t experience anything.

Is playing with a dick that easy of a thing to do?  No, it isn’t because there are a lot of things to take into consideration… but when you spend more time thinking about all the shit that can go wrong instead of thinking about all of the reasons why you need to do this, you’re never, ever, going to have a same-sex experience – and that goes for women just as much as it does for men although, as we all probably know, there’s less social angst about women getting with other women and boatloads of angst about men doing it with men – a double standard that, when you take it apart and look at it, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Guys make doing it with other guys a very difficult thing to do.  There’s being discrete, there’s being careful about what you do and who you do it with… and then there’s being pretty damned paranoid about it and being overly worried about events that haven’t happened.  We tend to put more effort into thinking about everything that can go wrong… and little effort in why doing the same-sex things would be good for us, mind, body, and soul.  One of the reasons why it’s being said that bisexuals are sufferers of depression is that, again, we focus more on the negatives than the positives and, sure enough, doing that is some pretty depressing shit.

And as long as men who want to play with dicks go about it in a negative mode, they’re never going to get to do what they desire to do; they become their own worst enemy.

 
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Posted by on 10 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Summer Madness

I was taking the garbage to the dumpster yesterday and just a bit miffed at why the dumpster hadn’t been emptied… or marveling at how quickly it got filled up if it did get emptied when a blast of warm air flowed over me and instantly transported my mind back many decades to hot, sultry summer days now that school was finished until September.  In the three minutes it took me to reach the dumpster, man, talk about having your life flash before your eyes!  I could actually feel that sense of freedom felt on the last day of school (no more reading, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks…) and just looking forward to whatever the summer would bring like day camp, going to summer camp, swimming, and just “running wild” now that I and my peers had the time to do things that were best suited for warm days and no worries about homework – well, unless you wound up having to attend summer school, something I never had to worry about although, as I started tossing bags of garbage into any available spot I can find, my wandering mind did remind me of the band camps I participated in once I got to high school.

“One time, at band camp…”  I remember this line from “American Pie” and it truly struck home with me and it always makes me laugh knowing just how true and utterly real band camp can be when music isn’t involved; I’m sure the neighbor sitting on her third floor balcony – and her annoying ankle-biting dogs barking like they’re gonna really scare anyone – must have thought that I’d momentarily lost my mind as with empty trash can in tow, I made my way back home and my mind racing through all of the, um, er, “trouble” I always seemed to manage to get myself into because while those summer days after school let out were like being paroled from prison, they also heralded a rush of guys hanging out, being bored silly, and deciding that, you know, we should go somewhere and do something that’ll be a lot more fun than sitting around and doing nothing.

Even though I ran into one of the maintenance guys I know and was talking to him, my brain was still back in the past and pondering – not for the first time – how summer days just lent themselves to a lot of us finding reasons to get naked with each other and doing those things that boys aren’t supposed to do with each other.  Not that those moments were solely relegated to summer, mind you; any reason, any opportunity to whip our dicks out and put them to use was taken but, wow, you know, when it’s cold outside and even colder in the places we’d often frequent to have sex, well, ya kinda found out that you could, indeed, do the nasty without exposing a whole lot of skin; it wasn’t the best situation but it worked.

I’m putting the trash can back into its resting place and the toad I hadn’t seen prior to making my trek to the dumpster – and could have run over with the fully loaded trash can – was still there and trying to hide under the trash can’s lid, which I had left behind.  We’re talking about this toad… and my mind is still decades in the past and thinking about the days just like this one was very conducive to a mad rush of boy-on-boy sexual activity (but not that many girls escaped our heat-induced lust).  I’m sitting and thinking about all of this, not so much in the context of what was done or even why, which was pretty obvious; no, I was still thinking about how this stuff would happen and how often it would happen quickly on those days of freedom and there was seemingly nothing to do.

In my current adult state, I can easily sit and think about all the things we could have done and I can remember all the, “What do you want to do?” conversations and, in particular, how many legitimate activities we could have done would get kicked to the curb; should we collect some bottles so we can have enough money to go to the pool (it only cost one thin dime)?  Nah… by the time get collect enough to get us all in, it’ll be lunch time.  We could play a game – Hide and Seek or something like that.  Nah, it’s already too hot to be running around all over the place.  I’m sitting and watching TV and I’m laughing to myself at how we would studiously reject every, ah, sensible thing we could do until there was only one thing to do… and I laugh to myself even more because it probably would have been easier just to put “doing the nasty” on the table first and save the time suggesting all the other things to do that we were gonna reject anyway.

The suggestion would be made and those who didn’t want to participate would leave or otherwise go their own way depending on where we were at the moment of agreement; if we were already in one of the abandoned buildings we used as a clubhouse, non-participants would leave or they’d split off as we headed to the closest place.  For one, the empty buildings were actually cooler than being outside and because we’d explored every inch of these places, we knew what places were safe and what places were to be avoided unless you wanted to fall through a floor and break something (like one guy did one year).  We also knew that since we were explicitly told to stay out of these places, if parents were looking for us, these places were the last places they’d even think about looking – that and there were so many abandoned buildings that no adult in their right mind would want to search through all of them.

The clothes would come off and the boy-on-boy sex would begin in earnest.  In the early days, our idea of foreplay was playing Doctor, you know, since everyone had a “thermometer” that could be used to check everyone’s temperature, both orally and anally because checking temperatures was important to make sure that, er, um, no one was suffering from the heat stroke parents would warn us about; later on in this evolution, the games like this were ignored and, grinning like idiots, we’d expose ourselves to each other and settle in to suck and fuck each other until we got tired, couldn’t get hard anymore, or we knew it was time to head home for lunch and, all the while, hoping and praying that our parents weren’t looking for us but since we were still in the neighborhood and not all that far from home, if a parent started bellowing our name, we’d damned sure hear them easily enough so no real worries there.

It was all so familiar and so easy to do because it wasn’t like we all didn’t know each other and even in the biblical sense of knowing someone and any two of us could get together and find having sex easy and satisfying; get a bunch of us together and it was pretty much a guarantee that when things broke up, everyone would have sucked dick (and swallowed sperm), gotten sucked, fucked and gotten fucked… and several times depending on the number of participants present on a given day.  We all knew that if we got caught that there would be hell to pay was an understatement and, surprisingly, we’d often talk about this while we were in the process of doing stuff we didn’t want to get caught doing; it didn’t take much to figure out that not only was this sex thing a hell of a lot of fun, the fear of getting caught just made it even more exciting.  Being youngsters and having very short refractory periods, we could cram in a whole lot of sex in as little as an hour even if there was just two of us.

I’m looking at the dashboard of my Xbox One S, deciding what game I want to play and thinking that our parents seemed to be under the impression that we didn’t – and shouldn’t – know about the sex thing… but we were some smart and inventive hormone-driven creatures; not only did our clubhouses have mattresses or other things we could lay on to stay off the litter-strewn floors, many of them still had running water to quench our thirst and to effect cleanup between rounds of fucking and sucking… and we even thought this out to the extent that we had soap and wash cloths stashed.  So the warning of, “Keep it in your pants – do not even think about having sex until you are old enough to know what you’re doing!” was lost on us because we damned well knew exactly what we were doing and how to go about doing it… and we weren’t even officially teens yet.

I select a game – Minecraft and because I want to continue my examination of the latest theme pack I’d purchased – an Egyptian theme – so I can get used to what everything looks like, especially diamonds (which are, of course,highly prized in this game).  In my head, I’m shaking my head either in amazement or with a sense of embarrassment to think about all those summer days I spent having sex with other boys (and let’s not forget girls) and like it was the most normal and natural thing for us to be doing.  My mind stepped to the side for a moment to recall times spent at summer camp and how it seemed that a group of boys who, until assigned to a cabin together, didn’t know each other… but we all seemed to have something in common as we’d eventually learn.  You start off in this thinking that you’re the only one like this, then find other guys in your ‘hood who are just like you in this regard… then learned that there are even more guys that you previously didn’t know about who lived to do the nasty with other boys and gleefully so.

I’m dropping blocks of red sand into areas covered with lava, which is a time-consuming thing to do and can be rather repetitive, boring, and even aggravating and it still amazes me that our camp counselors were either clueless to what we were doing whenever we could… or they really did know but never said anything; I’m not sure which and maybe even both things were true:  You couldn’t get in trouble for doing it with another guy unless you got caught and we’d make triple damned sure we wouldn’t get caught.  Now, in summer camp, we’d have things to do, activities we’d sign up for that would take us through our day so it wasn’t like we’d be bored with nothing at all to do but even with our days pretty much planned out for us, those of us who liked doing it with other boys would find the time and opportunity to get our freak on and in any place we could, whether it was in the woods, stealing a moment in the shower room, or under cover of darkness and in the wee hours of the morning and more so when our counselor had decided that we could be trusted to get through nights without him being present; oh, they weren’t very far away and if there was a problem and someone started yelling for help, they’d be there in a hurry but, um, we preferred not to see our counselor until it was time to get up, clean up, and head to the chow hall for breakfast.

I move on to the next section of lava, the analytical part of my mind already working on how best to neutralize this huge pool of lava… while the part of my mind working on dissecting this summer madness is still a bit awed at how easy it was to get some dick; that part of my mind wistfully sighed and, not even for the first time, wished that adult men could behave in that carefree way we did as youngsters.  No preferences, no delineations between top or bottom, no likes or dislikes; we’d suck each other off and offer up our asses to be fucked with a sense of equality that being an adult can’t even come close to reliving.  It wasn’t about being into each other, not about the sex being meaningless – but we did worry about being outed as gay but, ya know, if you never get busted, you can’t be outed, that and anyone could accuse you of being gay but it was still about what you could prove.  We knew this but really didn’t worry about it too much, not like guys do in the here and now.

Ah… the good old days.  Those hot and hazy days of summer were something to look forward to and in more ways than one and I don’t recall ever going through a summer without mad crazy moments of boys doing the nasty to each other.  Even when we’d either get older or the “gang” moved to other areas of the city or otherwise lost track of each other, you just knew that on almost any given summer day, you could – and most likely would – run into a guy who’d want to have sex because there wasn’t anything else to do.  The much dreaded and feared drought that a lot of guys got caught up in?  Those of us who enjoyed pussy and dick never had to worry about that a whole lot because while the girls might not have been all that interested in giving up the booty, there was always those guys who had zero qualms about getting naked with another dude to trade blow jobs or, if you were down with it, to fuck and be fucked.

And all because, somehow, it just made sense…

 
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Posted by on 9 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: To Swallow or not To Swallow…

Cityman and I were having a discussion about this and one of the things I love about talking to him is that sometimes he brings up topics of discussion that make me sit back and think about things and in ways I’ve either not thought of or haven’t thought about since Hector was a puppy.

Like, in the M2M world of sex, sucking cock is a seemingly mandatory skill a guy must learn and master and it is assumed that all guys who get with guys suck cock… but not all guys do.  Likewise, it is assumed that all male cock suckers swallow, er, the fruits of their labor… and the truth is nah, not all guys are of a mind to swallow it or even allow it in their mouth.  It’s known that some men turn to other men for blow jobs, not because they have (or run into) a woman who won’t blow them but because they’re not of a mind to finish him this way – but it’s also known that guys who suck cock do finish the job.

When guys are negotiating a hookup, two questions that are almost always asked are, “Do you give head?” and “Do you swallow?” and the answers usually determine how the rest of the negotiation goes; answer yes to both and the conversation continues; answer no to one or both and the conversation can come to a screeching halt.  But, thinking about the guys who do swallow, well, um, why do it at all?  Some guys do it because it’s expected while some guys do it simply because it gives them one hell of a rush to do so as well as a sense of it being their “reward” for whatever effort they put out in order to get him to bust that nut.  Having said that, some guys won’t allow sperm to enter their mouth because they’ve never acquired the taste and some fear catching something if the other dude cuts loose in their mouth.  Something about this last thing, like, since a lot of guys give and receive head without using a condom, the moment mouth meets bare dick, the risk is assumed at that moment and not just when the other guy cums.  The CDC says there’s a four percent chance of catching something via oral sex but you’re likely to have a problem if you have advanced gum disease, cuts or abrasions in your mouth, unfilled cavities, or all of the above; otherwise, the chemistry of the saliva in your mouth not only keeps your mouth and gums from drying out but starts the process of digesting whatever you’ve put into your mouth via some powerful enzymes… and whatever your saliva doesn’t outright destroy, the hydrochloric acid in your stomach will most certainly do the job.

Okay, just had to toss that one in, you know, just in case ya didn’t know this.

Some guys admit to feeling “girly” if a guy cums in their mouth and, indeed, some guys feel, think, or otherwise believe that if they suck a cock – but the guy doesn’t cum in their mouth, it’s not a gay thing to do… and if you’re reading this and rolling your eyes, join the club and be a member in good standing of the Association of Eye Rollers.  It’s not that I’ve never heard this one before so I’ve often wondered why a guy can feel this way and I think that a lot of it has to do with the perception that sucking cock (with or without swallowing) is a woman’s thing to do so if you’re a guy doing it, yup, it’s girly.  I’ve also thought that porn sends some pretty bad messages about sucking cock and getting creamed tonsils and thanks to their infamous money shot; you see guys getting blown then they take the dick away and jerk themselves off to either give a facial, spray it all over the place or to deposit the goo onto a waiting tongue.  But one of the things you can see is how the person giving the blow job has this… eager, excited and anticipatory look on their face as they await that first shot of spunk to come their way, like it’s the most orgasmically exciting thing ever.  In straight porn, you see women in this position and upon getting a face full, oh, they look so happy and, I’ll say, submissively eager as they await that first shot and in gay porn, you can see that very same behavior being portrayed and I don’t know about anyone else but it reeks of submissive behavior and we tend to associate submissive behavior as being girly.  As an aside, oh, man, do I ever love seeing those women who know they’re supposed to take it in the face and you can tell by the look on their face that they’re not feeling this part of the scene at all – they’d rather undergo a root canal without any anesthetic.

The usual caveat:  I am not even trying to insult any women by saying this so, ladies, put the straight razors away.

Cityman had asked me if I was afraid to swallow the first time and I admitted that I wasn’t as much afraid as I was surprised by “suddenly” feeling something warm and gooey squirting into my mouth and I swallowed it purely out of reflex – it was either that or gag on it and I even said that it never occurred to me to spit it out.  Still, I didn’t find the taste objectionable – I thought it tasted pretty good.  Going forward, if a guy was shooting it, I was swallowing it although I pointed out there were times when a guy would put more into my mouth than I could immediately handle and, oops, some of it got away but that just made me determined to not miss any.  Nine times out of ten, if I suck a guy’s dick and he cums, I’m gonna swallow it and that one time represents situations where I’ve discovered it’s not gonna taste good or I just want to see him lose his load.  That “I wanna give you a facial!” shit is a guaranteed way to get hurt…  I even told Cityman that swallowing gets rid of the evidence and there’s no mess to clean up.

Proper blow job etiquette says that you don’t have to swallow it; if you get it in your mouth, you can spit it out and, really, you don’t have to let him do it in your mouth at all if you don’t want to… but people who swallow (even if they spit it out later) are more prized than those who refuse to swallow.  The whole thing could very well and “simply” be a guy thing; ejaculating into a space feels better than doing it outside of a space, as in when we masturbate – it feels good to cum but it just feels better when we do in a mouth, pussy, or even a butt, a fake vagina/mouth or something like a Fleshlight – sorry, it’s just the way we’re wired.

The discussion kinda went in a slightly different direction but still rather relevant:  Is cock sucking really a submissive thing to do?  Some of the guys on the bi guy forum say that it makes them feel very submissive to blow a guy and take his cum while others say that the other guy just thinks he’s being dominant in this and, as such, he’s in charge of what’s happening because the guy doing the sucking is being dominant by making homey give up the nut – taking it away from him as opposed to “submissively” waiting for him to give it up.  I recall a guy saying that he really didn’t like getting a mouthful of spunk… but he did love being made to take it and swallow it; sounds kinda weird but it does play into how some very masculine men can love feeling very “girly” and submissive when when having sex with another guy.

Some guys say they feel very damned naughty when they swallow; since they’re not supposed to be sucking a dude’s dick in the first place, swallowing his seed just adds to the rush of thumbing their nose at the ancient taboo.  What I know is guys swallow more often than they don’t whether it’s out of obligation, an expectation, or they just don’t feel that the job is complete until the spunk has been consumed.  Again, I point to something I’ve heard a lot of guys say, that being, where some women are loathe to do any swallowing, there are guys who specifically swallow and because it’s known that some women ain’t fans of doing it.  Some say by partaking of each other’s seed, it creates a bond between us that’s pretty special… but I’ve also heard some more darker thoughts expressed by some guys, like it makes the feel dominant and powerful to make a guy submit to sucking his cock and by getting a mouthful of spunk, it emasculates the guy getting his tonsils creamed.  And while some guys do feel “girly,” there are guys who don’t feel anything but great satisfaction when emptying someone’s balls.

One of the ongoing arguments about blow jobs are those guys who’d rather eat shit and die before they’d suck a dude’s dick… but they are quick to feed a guy his dick and cum and if they aren’t of a mind to do either thing, well, they’re just a punk-assed bitch for not being man enough to suck the dick and eat the spunk.  True, a lot of guys are leery about doing some swallowing – what will it taste like?  Again and again, it’s true that it’s an acquired taste and that it’s just not the taste alone that must be acquired; consistency and volume are part of the acquiring the taste thing as well.

To swallow or not to swallow… that is the question.  The answer is you don’t have to if you don’t want to – the other guy might be disappointed.

 
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Posted by on 6 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Switching Sides

A bi guy forum member asked a question that I thought was a pretty good one which was – essentially – whether bi guys find themselves leaning more toward homosexuality and less toward heterosexuality as their lives go on and if anyone ever considers changing sides.  One of the things folks say about bisexuals is that we’re really gay and just too afraid to admit that we are and, as such, we continue to cling to heterosexual sex (and relationships) to maintain an air of social normality.  As with much of the shit being flung about bisexuals and bisexuality, there is some truth in this as some people do a transition from straight to bi to gay, having found which sexuality box best fits their lives.

But that’s some bisexual people… not all bisexual people but I’ll remind everyone that it’s just easier to lump everyone together than to be bothered with specific details.  One of the things Cityman and I talk about from time to time is the push back he gets from his gay associates who, basically, tell him to pick a side and stay there and, yeah, it would make them happy if he picked the gay side of things.  He counters by asking them if they don’t understand why women and pussy are still very damned attractive to him (and other bisexual men), well, maybe they should try to get with a woman and find out why many bisexual men wouldn’t want to be totally gay.

His counter argument gets him looks of incredulity and some rather frosty looks right along with the expected, “I would never have sex with a woman!”  But Cityman makes a good point to them, like, where is it written that you can’t change your mind and decide that checking out the other side just might be a good and interesting thing to do?  There are some predominately gay men who do, in fact, have sex with women and as many people tend to stay true to, it’s not something they’d do in the majority of times but, sure, every now and then, a little coochie (or some dick) is just what the doctor ordered.

A lot of people are bisexual because it’s the best of both worlds; some are bisexual because for them, they have no other choice other than to be celibate which, for men, ain’t a fun thing to live with.  Some are bisexual because taking a trip to the other side of the fence is just good sexual fun if not a bit naughty.  And some folks are bisexual because they’ve learned that it doesn’t make sense for them to be reliant upon a single source of sex – women only or men only – when there’s greater diversity in being able to engage “across the board” in order to not let themselves become stale and stagnant or, for some, when a woman ain’t of a mind to have a roll in the hay, there sure as hell a gazillion guys who would give their left nut to have you in bed with them.

Some of the guys who responded to the post spoke of the differences in sex with women versus men and while we’re glaringly different in our views of sex, I got the impression that those differences weren’t enough to make them go over to the gay side and stay there; even a couple of guys in sexless relationships said that while they do find themselves engaging with men a lot, their love for the woman in their life is still quite strong and it doesn’t make sense to give that up and only deal with men for, at the least, the emotional succor women are so good at providing.  It’s not that men can’t provide this but a lot of bi guys just have an affinity for women that cannot be easily displaced, removed, or ignored even if there’s no sex happening between them.

For budding male bisexuals, one of their concerns is whether or not they’re really gay because they wanna play with a dick in some way and it’s damned confusing because they know, without even thinking about it, that their desire for women is firmly in place or as some guys have said, “I love having sex with my wife/girlfriend… but getting with a guy just seems like a good thing to do…”  I’d never say that a bi guy couldn’t find a reason to live and love as a gay guy because, again, some do… but as one guy commented, the gay lifestyle is still pretty much full of a lot of drama and such that he, as a bi guy, wouldn’t want to deal with on a full-time basis.  Even with myself, I can’t count how many times a gay man has told me that I should stop faking the funk, admit that I’m really gay, and just leave women alone so I can be what I’m meant to be.  In more modern times and because bisexuality is being subjected to a lot of scrutiny as to whether or not it is a legitimate sexual orientation, there are a shitload of people who, for some reason or another, believe that sexuality is still a black or white thing – you’re either straight or you’re gay and there is (or cannot be, shouldn’t be) a middle ground.

So when I’ve been asked why I won’t come over to the gay side (and where I supposedly belong), I reply, “Because I love women and pussy too much to give it up just for some dude.”  When it’s been suggested that I pick a side, after rolling my eyes (literally or imagining myself rolling them), I’ve said that I picked my side a long time ago – and my side is in the middle of things.  Yes, I’m one of those “greedy” motherfuckers because what works best for me is having the best – and even the worse – of both worlds… that and I can’t even think of a reason or what could possibly occur for me to go over to the gay side and even if something did happen for me to switch sides, um, I still love women, still love having sex with them and for a lot of gay men, uh, that’s a problem most of them would rather not have to compete or deal with.

Switching sides isn’t inconceivable and some bi folks – men and women – do switch sides because it’s what suits their needs and purposes… and some switch back for the same reason.  We assume that such a switch is a permanent move – find your happy place, get comfortable, and stay there but the facts of the matter is that people are dynamic and not static… and switching sides and staying there is a very static thing to do and many follow this “advice” despite what their heart (or their loins) are telling them to the contrary.  The fact that we even look at sex and sexuality as being a two-headed coin supports a belief that overlooks a human’s ability to be more dynamic than static but, hey, if being static and “stuck” on one “side” of things is what works for you, it is what it is… until you find reason to not be so static and more so when sexuality is slowly being seen as more of a sliding scale than way points from one place to another.  We still kinda/sorta hold true to the tenets of the famous Kinsey Report on Human Sexuality, that scale that runs from zero to six and where zero represents full heterosexuality and six represents full homosexuality… and given these fixed points,we tend to forget or just overlook the fact that this supposedly outdated scale still has points that includes two, three, four, and five… but it’s being postulated that there’s even more wiggle room in between and this indicates our potential to be more dynamic in our sexuality while defining static points that a person can land on if and when it suits their purposes to take a stand there.

Finally, there’s this:  When some folks think about bisexuality, they’re only looking at the homosexual things a bisexual might do and I’ve always found this to be an odd thing to do; it’s like they forget what the word bisexual means (and depending on what definition you wanna subscribe to).  So… I’m bisexual and those folks would only focus on whatever I might do with a guy which, in case you’ve forgotten, is homosexual sex… but they’re not thinking about the other side of the coin, i.e., I love women and very much love being naked with them.  They ask a question that, I suppose makes sense to them:  If you love women so much, why have sex with a guy?  Um, because it’s fun?  Why not just be gay and leave women in the dust?  Well, damn – where’s the fun in that? And keep in mind that bisexuality – and in any context you wanna think in – isn’t solely about the sex and there is an emotional component to it even if it’s one that a lot of bi guys would rather avoid – hence their position that while they can justify having mad, crazy sex with men, when it comes to love and relationships, women are better suited to take care of those particular needs.  It kinda implies that men are inadequate in these areas and that’s just not the truth because they can be but the real thing at work here is that picking or even switching sides doesn’t always suit those needs as well as it’s believed to.

 
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Posted by on 5 June 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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