Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: More on Late Bloomers

Over the years, I’ve talked to many men (and women) who, for whatever reason, arrived late to the bisexual party, from those who never really thought about it to those folks who had the thought running around in the back of their minds but either never had the time or opportunity to do anything about it or passed up opportunities for whatever reason made sense to them.  Some guys aren’t really late bloomers in that sense; let’s just say that they found reason to return to something that they experienced earlier in life and some had a lot of time to think about those early experiences and finally getting around to accepting that it was a fun thing to do and getting back into it is a good idea.

While one can talk to a late bloomer and find out the reasons why they’re late, what seems to remain unknown is why there are guys (and gals) develop the sense that being heterosexual just isn’t working for them.  I know I’ve tried to find a pattern or that one thing I could point to that would explain being tardy – and I’ve been trying to figure this one out for a long time – and, nope, I cannot point to any one thing and especially with the folks who’d never entertained doing such a thing… but now they have a very intense desire to do it.

There was a time when I believed that a guy just did not wake up one day and think, “Today’s a good day to suck a dick!”  Once I started talking to guys who, for the most part, were doing just that, I had to rethink things and, no, it didn’t help when they’d also say that they had no idea why this thought popped into their head.  It seems improbable that a guy who had no sexual interest in other men could “suddenly” develop such an interest but some studies do cite what’s known as latency – call it a delayed reaction if it helps clarify things.  While some guys get visited by bisexuality “early on,” for some guys it never arrives in the early going but they get in the neighborhood of 35 or so… and all of a sudden sucking a dick (or some other M2M sex) is pretty damned fascinating… and the majority of guys I’ve talked to about this has all said, almost to a man, “I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this!”

For instance, there was a guy I worked with and one day, he was seriously out of sorts and I happened to ask him if he was okay.  He sat and thought for a moment and asked me, “Can I tell you something?”

I said that he could… and he began to tell me that when he got to work, he got onto the elevator and there was another guy present when the doors opened.  He spoke to the guy, the guy returned the greeting… and he found himself struck by a desire to have sex with the guy and, to be expected, this happily married guy became quite distraught.  “What the fuck is going on?” he asked.

And I couldn’t really explain it to him, other to say that I was aware that something like this does happen to some guys.  Of course, he asked if it ever happened to me and, yeah, I wound up telling him that I had been playing with dicks for quite some time so, no, I never had this hit me like a bolt out of the blue… but he wasn’t the only guy I knew that had this land on them like a ton of bricks.  When he asked what, if anything he should do about it, wow, that was harder to answer other to break a rule and answer his question with a question:  “Um, well, what do you want to do?”

We wound up meeting after work to continue this discussion and I explained, as best I could, that just because there’s this incredible urge to do something, it might not be prudent… but chances were good that until he actually did something, he was gonna find himself greatly preoccupied by this – and I told him right up front that asking me what I’d do in that situation wouldn’t help him one bit since, um, if I wanted to suck a dick, I’d go suck a dick and not give it a second thought.  He said, “It seems I have some serious thinking to do…” and I agreed that this was true.  Now, I don’t know whether or not he did something or not but it was just one more thing that told me that, yeah, some guys do wake up one morning and think playing with a dick is a damned important thing to do.

Some guys experiment early on and some guys who are late to the party have admitted that, growing up, they had plenty of opportunities to experiment – but didn’t.  Guys like my protegé could point to exact moments in time where things were leading up to a M2M sexual encounter but nothing happened… but they couldn’t shake the thought that something should have happened.  It’s interesting that some guys can “go back in time” and note every time a near miss occurred… and more so once they had their first experience.   And in the case of most of the late bloomers I know, they’ve all pretty much said, “I don’t know why I never did this before now!”

The only thing that can be said at this point is that things happen when they’re supposed to happen – I guess.  It’s not like it can’t be figured out why it took “Earl” thirty-five years to have a need to have sex with another guy to make itself known and something the police use when investigating crimes could explain it – it’s called MMO or Motive, Means, and Opportunity.  Some guys did (or do) have opportunity and perhaps even means… but without motive, nothing happens although motive can be as “simple” as being really horny.  However, motive and opportunity doesn’t seem to work without means being present – yeah, this is some really weird shit when you – or if you – care to think about it so while a lot of guys can have motive – being incredibly horny – without means and opportunity, nothing happens.  And, yes, strangely enough, even when MMO has been satisfied, that doesn’t guarantee that something will happen;  “Mark” and “Josh” could be hanging out and MMO is all over them like a wet blanket and they both know that something needs to happen… but it doesn’t for some reason.  I’d have to say that fear is a major contributing factor in this situation, i.e., what will people think if they knew I did this?  I’ve been in those moments and the other guy(s) have said, “I wanted to but…” and the “but” was “I was afraid to.”

Is it weird that a very heterosexual guy would “suddenly” not want to be so heterosexual?  Nah, not really but explaining it, as you can see, isn’t that simple.  Yesterday, I wrote about triggering events and there are a lot of them that have nothing to do with being dissatisfied with sex with women; something like getting laid off of a job or some other really stressful situation can be a trigger and, sure, as mentioned, having one drink too many can complete the combination on the lock to one’s inhibitions and when the dust clears, a guy who has never sucked a dick or even though about doing such a thing has not only done it but found it enjoyable.  Some have suggested that watching porn could be a contributing factor to late-blooming because “Carl” can’t watch some dude laying pipe to a babe without actually focusing on the cock in her mouth or other orifice and maybe, just maybe, a thought pops into their head that they may or may not be aware of:  “I wonder what it’s like to do that to a guy?”  Does this seem unlikely?  I can’t say that it is since I’ve heard of guys “confessing” that they got interested in dick watching heterosexual porn.

Is it some evolutionary response to things that have been encoded into the male genome over all this time?  Something that just lies dormant and unnoticed until it wakes up… and if it wakes up at all?  I sure as hell don’t know but maybe it’s plausible since late-blooming bisexual men are still popping up all over the place and prior experience notwithstanding.  I mean, it can be explained with guys who “fooled around” when younger; they did it before so, ah, why not do it again and for no other reason because they want to and can?  The guys without prior experience, well, they’re just a mystery to me; for some, it seems to be akin to a logical progression, like those guys who’ve told me that they’ve done everything they could do with a woman and doing things with a guy just makes sense to them and answers the question, “Is this all there is to having sex?”

Apparently not and as many late bloomers are discovering…

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Posted by on 25 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Late Bloomers”

A guy on the bi guy forum wrote that he’s noticed there’s a lot of guys in their forties looking to play with dick and wondered why this is; responses by some of the members tried to cover the “obvious” reasons which had me kinda rolling my eyes a little because while some of what they said is true, they really kinda overlook the obvious or, if you will, what seems obvious to me.

That there’s an explosion of men aged 35-65 who are interested in cock does seem rather strange given that, historically, guys experiment with dick earlier on in their pre-teen or early into their teenage years and sometimes as late as nineteen.  While some guys do this and keep right on going, others give it up and turn their focus to women, being husbands and fathers, working their fingers to the bone – the usual and expected man stuff.  But it seems that once a guy gets in the neighborhood of 35, a strange thing happens, i.e., they get interested in doing something that they’ve not done in at least twenty years but, even stranger is that men who have never experimented with this have a hankering to play with another man’s cock.

While the membership cited things like women being funny about giving up the booty (married or not), there’s been this… thing that says that men hit their sexual peak in their twenties and then it’s all down hill after that and that was once true… a very long time ago and I’m not sure whether this remains true today because many men are discovering that the older they get, the more sex they want and even if they’re not having any issues getting sex from women.  It’s not like these guys don’t know that if you find that you “suddenly” need more and different sex, well, maybe it’s time to investigate or revisit playing with another man’s cock in some way.  Now, ya might be wondering why a guy who has never had any desire to do anything like this suddenly decide this might be a fun thing to do… and you’re not the only one.

There are so many things that are happening in the background and some of which a guy facing this couldn’t explain even if they wanted to and there are a lot of factors that can clump up, both physical and psychological that makes taking this leap seem to be a logical thing to do… if one is interested in spending more time busting nuts and in a different, yet prohibited, way.  Some guys in the 35-65 age demographic “simply” feel that they’ve done all they can do with women and, shit, there has to be something more they can do to bust more nuts, oh, like maybe they’ve finally decided to stop ignoring that nugget of curiosity that, over time, has been quietly whispering a question in their ear:  “I wonder what it’s like to suck a guy’s dick (or be sucked by a guy)…?” or “What would it be like jerk some guy off (and be jerked off)…?” and, yeah, even “I wonder what it would be like to get fucked?”  Ah, you might be thinking that well-adjusted, heterosexual men don’t think like this but they do… even if a guy would tell you that he’s never thought about it because that little nugget of curiosity operates below one’s conscious level and, besides, who doesn’t know that there are men who love to have sex with other men?

We know this even if only because we’ve been told that it’s immoral and sinful; some guys watch porn and it’s not a stretch of the imagination that a fascination about dick could develop when they’re sitting there, cocks harder than times in 1929, and their eyes locked onto the heady sight of a rather large cock burrowing its way into a woman’s ass or pussy or to watch her being fed that huge cock… and that nugget wakes up and whispers, “You wanna do that, don’t you, you know, just to find out what the big deal is, huh?”  I mean, what guy hasn’t been lying back and watching a woman blow him and wonder why she likes doing it so much if/when she does it?  What guy sits and watches porn, sees dicks getting sucked and feels frustrated and/or angry that women he’s been with (and the woman he’s currently with) have never wanted to suck his cock, let alone suck him off and he finds himself wishing that someone would, for once in their lives, give him a full and complete blowjob that’ll curl his toes and end years of frustration and anger about this?  And, again, what guy doesn’t know that there are men who love to suck dick?

Once the thought gets seeded, it begins to grow – but that doesn’t mean the guy is gonna run out right then and there and go play with a dick; no, it also seems that conditions also have to line up in a certain way and in a cumulative effect that just waits to be triggered in some way, from reaching a breaking point in their frustration with their lives to, uh-huh, having one drink too many and all their inhibitions and protective measures have been shut down and they find themselves in the right place at the right time and with the right guy.

If there are people who find this to be unusual, well, it really isn’t all that unusual and more so if you know anything about men and the fixation on sex that’s hard-coded into us.  Yes, some guys become late bloomers because they’re not getting enough sex or whatever sex they are getting isn’t as satisfying as they’d like or they just wanna do something different and for some late bloomers, the thought of sucking on another guy’s cock and making him cum just seems like a very exciting – if not deliciously scary – thing to do.  Some guys find themselves at their wit’s end dating women and trying to convince them to give up the booty, which is always a problem because men look for sex and find a relationship while women look for a relationship and find sex.  And even back in the 1970s, I’ve heard so many guys stipulate that the only way they’d let some dude suck their dick is if it became difficult for them to get pussy; some emphatically said that they’d have to be drunk and very horny before something like that happened.

And sometimes, those things wind up happening to them; they might not immediately be spurred into action… but it’s in their head now and until they actually do something, it’s just gonna be there and keep fucking with them until they act… if they can – but that’s a different kettle of fish…

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Posted by on 24 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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More Minecraft

At this point, I’m not 100% sure of how long I’ve been playing Minecraft – maybe a week or a bit longer.  I could find out easily enough but the real point here is how it’s quite possible to get totally lost playing this game.  Then again, whenever I play a new game I like, getting lost in the moment isn’t all that unusual, as my recent experiences with Watch Dogs and Watch Dogs 2 would indicate and, knowing myself, once the novelty of Minecraft starts to wear off I’ll spend less time playing it – just don’t ask me when I think that will happen.

Some folks seem to play this game for the thrill of the hunt, coming to “life” when the sun goes down and the scary monsters come out; some seem to be explorers in that once they establish a home base, it’s time to gear up and explore everything they can get to, both above and below ground.  Some are creators/builders and I’ve seen plenty of examples of the work of some of these folks… and to say mind blowing doesn’t come close, as a YouTube video I watched yesterday illustrated:  Some guy built an underground world inside of his Minecraft seed and, wow – just wow.  I can’t imagine the amount of time this guy spent with his creation and I’ll admit to having my brain lock up for a moment when my son-in-law suggested that taking on a similar project would be fun; I told him that at the moment, I couldn’t even imagine what such a project on my part would look like.

It seems I like building things; with my son-in-law’s help, I built a four-story “apartment building,” built a kind of covered archway that leads to the apartment building; constructed some simple bridges between where my main “home” is and this little islet – and then between the islet and another part of my location… so that I could build another “standard” place.  I kinda have a goal to build something in the varying locations in my seed (there’s an achievement for this in Xbox) so gearing up and exploring possible building locations just seems like a logical thing to do.  What strikes me as being funny is that I’m finding that I’m building things without any real purpose other than seeing a shape in my head and start stacking blocks.  Like, with the apartment building, I told my son-in-law, as we drew close to finishing it, that I had no idea what I was gonna do with this place once it was finished.  Indeed, everything I’ve built outside of my main base has no pre-determined purpose; however. the apartment building is the most complicated structure so far.  The last place I built has me thinking about dividing the space into rooms… as soon as I figure out (or I’m taught) how to build interior walls because, um, this game doesn’t seem to have anything like sheet rock…

Now, if I didn’t have enough to do in my main seed, I decided to duplicate this seed and start a new game in Creator mode (as opposed to the default Survivor mode) and, wow, talk about a different animal!  In Survivor mode you have to do shit to get the stuff you need to do whatever it is you wanna do; Creator mode gives you everything you need to do this so once I got into my duplicated seed, it was hard for me to resist the urge to start cutting down trees and burrowing down deed to get the stuff I needed.  I just went into my inventory, tossed down a crafting block and furnace – and two items I actually don’t need, by the way – and started clearing a huge-ass space to build a place to, at the very least, place a bed.  I’m finding that I’m gonna need a lot of chests to store excess stuff in because they don’t run out like they do in Survivor mode, like, I can use all the cobblestone blocks I want and not have to stop to go mine more of them… but when I change materials, um, I’m finding that I’m gonna need those chests to stash the stuff I’m not using so that the inventory I carry with me doesn’t get overloaded.

This is kinda daunting since my crafting skills aren’t all that great at this point and, again, I’ve not gotten used to having everything I could possibly want or need to do something so what I think I should be doing is thinking about what I want to build, like, um, I have this idea for a tower-like structure that if I can pull it off, will end above the clouds…

I like mining; there’s something rather soothing about taking pickax and shovel in hand and just hacking at the various materials; whenever I hit a dead end – like one of those gigantic rivers of lava I seem to have a knack for falling into – I feel… frustrated.  Yesterday, Brian and I started taking apart a mountain of sand – and this sucker is huge – so he can collect the hidden sandstone to build a pyramid.  I sat for a good long time hacking at the sand, only stopping to convert the sand I’d been collecting into more sandstone… which seems kinda silly since this mountain we’re deconstructing probably has more sandstone than he’s gonna need to complete this project he has.  Even though he has his own seeds/worlds to play in, he seems to be having a grand time doing stuff in my world… and I’m not complaining one bit.  But…

I went to his world, one so he could show me the latest texture pack he got called steampunk – it’s pretty cool looking, especially the trees that have piping and moving gears in them and, two, so he could show me how close he was to a base camp he created that’s close to a Mansion he found.  Now, if I often feel lost roaming around in my world, following him around in his really amplifies this feeling because, of course, he knows where he’s going (for the most part) and I’m clueless as to the lay of the land.  And while I managed not to fall into a deep hole or otherwise get killed, it gets annoying to be running around at night and getting shot up by skeletons and having creepers and zombies chasing you all over the place.  You have the instinct to put and keep your head on a swivel when not in Peaceful mode… except there’s really no way to do this and, at one point when we were battling and dodging a clutch of creepers, I found myself wishing that I could create a shotgun which would be better than relying on a sword; I’d rather have the advantage of killing these things from a distance instead of having to always engage in close quarter combat with things that like to literally blow up in your face.

A bad guy alarm would also be a very nice thing to have, just like having a flashlight or even a torch that stays lit as you carry it in your hand… except if you have a lit torch and you run into a zombie, um, well, you see the problem here, don’t you?  Oh, and since the skeletons are archers, they can stand off at a distance and pepper you with arrows until you escape or get killed.  Now, one can arm themselves with a bow and arrows as well but I haven’t graduated to this point even though in my world, I do have the stuff I need to make one so this is gonna be on my list of things to do.


Posted by on 22 August 2017 in Life, Living and Loving


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Ah, Minecraft…

So after years of being told, “Dad, you gotta play Minecraft!” and a brief moment of attempting to play the iOS version of the game – and getting killed not even a minute into the game – I’ve finally stopped resisting and have immersed myself in the worlds of Minecraft.  First, I tried the version that can be played on Windows 10… and trying to navigate using the keyboard and mouse proved to be a pain; I can connect my Xbox controller to the computer but, eh, while that is kinda easier, the Windows 10 version doesn’t quite behave like the Xbox One version so I’ve opted to stick with the Xbox version and not subject my computer’s keyboard to any more abuse than I already give it.  My baby got me the Xbox One version of the game and I’m quite grateful that she did this for me; now when I wanna play, I don’t have to get up and go into another room and fire up my computer.

My Minecraft drill sergeants – my daughter and her husband, who were the same critters that taught me how to play Borderlands – have been cramming all sorts of arcane shit into my head about this game; it’s about the only time my daughter can yell at me and get away with it.  The one thing I like about having both of them in my game is listening to her giving her hubby the business about how he does things, like running into a pack of creepers and zombies and needing to eat quickly to avoid getting killed and having to respawn without all the stuff you’ve painstakingly gathered.  I hear a lot of, “You’re gonna die…” directed at him and I don’t know which thing is more fun – playing and learning the game… or listening to her jumping in his ass about stuff.

Still, I gotta give them props because without their help, I’d probably be running around the game without any real idea of what I’m supposed to do other than survive.  I’ve been in their worlds and, wow, they’ve both built some rather impressive and beautiful worlds for themselves.  They tell me that if you can think it, you can build it and so far, I’ve taken the place where I first decided to settle in and expanded it in a way where it’s all connected, well, except for the new place I recently built which is close by.  While I’ve yet to master crafting like they have, they say I’ve been doing well for a noob and even my grandchildren (who also play) seem to be impressed that Pop-Pop is throwing down with one of their favorite games.

I’ve got several mines dug and while there doesn’t seem to be a trick to digging one, um, after following behind my son-in-law as he got lost in his own mine, I’ve come up with a way to dig a mine and, hopefully, not have to suffer the indignity of getting lost in my own construction project.  As I dig, I place torches on the left side so that if I have to get out, the torches are now on my right and easily followed out of the dig.  I’ve learned to craft a compass and a map, both of which come in handy (I’ll get to that shortly) but the thing that bothers me about this game is that I’m used to playing games where a part of the HUD (heads-up display) is a kind of radar thingy that’s both a miniature version of a larger scale map but also lets me know where the bad guys are in relation to where I am.

Minecraft has no such animal, which is how I manage to get blown up by creepers and jumped by witches that sneak up on me from behind or I hustle around a tree and, shit, there’s a zombie… and chances are I don’t have my sword in my hand.  I’ve learned the hard way to not be outside a very well lit place after dark and if I’m inside, I gotta do the Minecraft version of turning on all the lights since some bad guys like to find a spot you forgot to light up inside your home or mine and blow it – and you – back to the spawn point.  And I learned all of this before I learned that there is a game mode where they only way you get killed is if you do something stupid – Peaceful mode.

My drill sergeant daughter gives me the business about playing in Peaceful mode but since I’m not experienced with all the nuances of this game, I’d rather not be bothered with trying to escape monsters and when trying to run away from them, fall into a deep cavern (and die) or find out I’ve fallen into a hidden pool of lava (and die) and, yes, I’ve done both of these things and have had my instructors laughing at my demise and being told to watch where I’m walking… which is hard to do because, apparently, in the Xbox One version, holding a torch in your hand does not provide you light to see by; you can make all sorts of shit in this game but the one thing you can’t make is a flashlight…

Being in Peaceful mode is good for exploring and having a compass is valuable because no matter where you are, it will always point to the place you first spawned into your world – and I make that point somewhere in my home.  Yesterday, I got a lesson on how hard it is to read a map, which uses a coordinate system of X, Y, and Z and while I understand this system, um, it takes some doing trying to figure out where you are in relation to where you want to go, as proved by a walkabout with my son-in-law yesterday – and in a mode that can get you killed – and we were wandering around all over the place… with my daughter in the background constantly saying, “Brian, you’re going the wrong way!”

These two are really funny.  I do my walkabouts in Peaceful mode because I’ve been told that if you don’t explore the world you’re in, you won’t be able to find different and essential things each biome has to offer so you also have to practice how to get out there and explore… and be able to find your way back home – and the compass as well as torches placed along the way, help a great deal.  Except, yesterday, ah, fuck, that didn’t help me very much.  I walked out of the upper level of my crib, turned to my left and asked, “What’s over there?” and headed off in that direction to explore but wound up stopping and turning back because upon seeing some torches in front of me, shit, that’s right – Brian and I had went this way the other day, damn it.  So I turn back and I’m hustling back, kinda got turned around the wrong way a few times but my own sense of direction is at work.

It’s very dark because the game is simulating a total eclipse during the day and night cycles and I guess to pay homage to the upcoming event tomorrow.  I’m running along, dodging nosy cows and the occasional wolf that shows up and I’m thinking that I’m getting close to home… when I fall into a pit there was no way I could have seen even in daylight and my last sight was falling down toward a huge pit of lava and, as the game dutifully mentioned, I died trying to swim in lava.  The good thing is that I respawned back home; the bad thing is that I lost everything I had been carrying.

Shit, fart, piss, fuck, and damn it all to hell.

One of the things I learned is that there are worlds, also known as seeds, that have been created for the game so when you create a new game, you can either let the game randomly pick a seed or, if you know it, enter the seed’s ID number or name and, voila!  You’re in a pre-constructed world that can offer a great many things that can either make it easy to get established… or test your ability to play the game and survive.  I’ve created four such worlds to play around in and I will admit that you really can spend a great deal of time getting yourself established since, every time you create a new game, you arrive in it with nothing – unless you select the option that will make a crate of goodies appear wherever you happen to enter that world.  Then it’s the first rule of survival – build a shelter and be able to make fire – but with little to help you even with the goody crate.  Chopping down trees, mining dirt and rocks, killing cows, sheep, chickens (which looks like a duck – go figure) and pigs so you can have food and other items.

And, yes, despite what my darling daughter says, doing this in Peaceful mode is way easier although in the one world/seed I used, I was chasing a sheep to get its wool so I can make a bed; it stopped at the top of the mountain and I felt a moment of triumph and even said to myself, “Yeah!  Got your ass!” – but the sheep ran off to my left at the last moment and I was still moving forward… and I’m glad that I took my thumb off the joystick because if I hadn’t, the next step taken would have had me falling into a very, very deep ravine and dying.  On the other hand, the view of that drop was breathtaking…

When I’m in the game without my teachers, I can’t help feeling that I’m truly alone in my world even though that’s not true; you’d have to scout around and find a village that might be populated with some “folks” you can trade with; they might have a garden you can grab necessary stuff you need like carrots and melons and, importantly, seeds that you can use to grow your own crops – y’all should see the garden my daughter built for me.  There are temples both on land and underwater and if you’re not in Peaceful mode, they are very dangerous places.  A Minecraft world is anything but a beautiful place to run around in; even in Peaceful mode, there are dangers all around you and I know my thoughts are always filled with thinking about the stuff I need to survive and not doing something dumb that will get me killed.

Now, the game does have a tutorial which I didn’t know about until my daughter asked me why I hadn’t done the tutorial… and the tutorial I didn’t know existed.  You can learn the basics there but what I’m learning is that the tutorial doesn’t even come close to teaching you everything there is to learn about this game, which explains why you can search the web and find all manner of “how to play Minecraft” stuff – and there’s a lot of it.  The game has, under Settings, a “how to play” kinda thing that, again, can teach you some very basic stuff but isn’t going to help you build a fortification to keep you and your collected stuff safe… and at night.  The game has weather and in one trip to my world, I almost got struck by lightning.  There are different biomes or environments, like jungle, mesa/desert, and even snow/ice but as I mentioned, if you don’t go exploring – or aren’t learning the game from someone who really knows how to play it – you just don’t know what might be around you.

I’m kinda hooked and I was even dreaming last night about how to go about building more elaborate buildings, like a multi-story apartment building… and just because I can build one.  Once I get a better feel of my world, I’ll get out of Peaceful mode and play with all the dangerous stuff.  If there are any Minecraft players out there and playing on Xbox One, you’re cordially invited to come see what I’ve built so far – my gamertag is SmartKDaddy.

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Posted by on 20 August 2017 in Life, Living and Loving


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Stuck in Place

Not much activity on the bi guy forum but when checking out a new comment made to an existing thread, my attention was caught by something the guys said, that being along the lines that he wanted to avoid romantic entanglements with men and inadvertently leading them on… but he also wanted to avoid the quick, NSA hookup that he has issues with and, as such, he’s looking for a FWB to have his first experience with a man.

As I’ve been writing here of late, one of the things I think about seems to be a universal kind of question asked by these men in particular and, perhaps, by other bi guys everywhere:  “Why can’t I find a guy to have sex with?”

Those of you who have been following me might remember that one of the things I say about this – and sex in general – is that it seems to me that we make this more difficult and complicated than it has to be.  Yes, it’s a purely defensive measure and in line with Rule Number One:  Look after your own ass first.  Or, to swipe something from fighting sports, protect yourself at all times.  The problem isn’t that there aren’t like-minded men from coast to coast, border to border; I’m thinking that in the United States, it’s probably statistically impossible that there’s anywhere in this country where there are no bisexual men or even homosexual men who want to have sex man to man.  It’s understood that the development of personal sexual preferences are a major requirement… but what might not be understood is that the more you set conditions and narrow down those preferences, that doesn’t make having sex easier:  It makes it harder to accomplish.

When you have guys saying what this guy did on the site, he’s put himself in the worst possible situation and more so if his requirements for the ideal FWB as been welded firmly in place:  Whatever he wants to do with another man isn’t going to happen with everything put on total lock down.  We see, repeatedly, a situation where the logic of this situation winds up failing in the face of emotional concerns, i.e., I can tell a guy, after hearing exactly why he has yet to get the dick he wants, that if he wants to make it happen, doesn’t it make sense to not be so restrictive?  No, you don’t really want to throw all caution to the wind but if I point out to him where he can loosen the noose enough to have the experience he wants, he can easily agree that easing up on some stuff will have positive results… but the emotional “turmoil” will override common sense, intelligence and logic and leave him stuck in place.

Those of you who have been following me have also seen me write that when it comes to getting laid, we often become our own worst enemies and, as such, makes a lot of people ask, “Why is it so hard for me to get laid when I need to get laid?”  Many people will point to the fact that they just cannot find the right person or, if they think they have, the person cannot be trusted or, worse, they can’t trust themselves for some reason.  When we talk about the problems with bisexuality in men and women, this particular one is a true killer of one’s sexual dreams in this regard.  It’s not that they really can’t find someone to have this kind of sex with so it’s not really the “fault” of anyone else other than themselves.

Some of this fits that definition of insanity quite well…

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Posted by on 18 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Biphobia… Real or Imagined?

I was just reading something another WordPress blogger wrote about biphobia and one of the things I’ve noticed about this – and since I’ve been bisexual for a very long time now – is that this biphobic rhetoric resembles the same bullshit that was being said about homosexuals and almost verbatim except they’ve added the “fact” that being bisexual is just a stopping off point on the route of being homosexual.

What I know – and what the folks who are freaking out about this trash talking don’t know – is that this “phobia” has always been around and all they’ve done is change the target of their ire and, again, I have the advantage of having already heard of all this shit before, from “you’re just going through a phase” to “you’re really gay – so why don’t you just admit it” so I know that what’s really going on isn’t the fact that I might be in denial about my sexuality:  It’s that they’re in denial about the real fact that despite what they’ve been told, what they believe, or what they think, yes, there are people who aren’t straight or gay.

That bisexuals get upset about this is actually understandable because no one likes to be called something that they know they aren’t.  I seem to remember getting into a discussion about this with someone some time ago and they were insisting that not only is biphobia real but I should be seriously concerned about it and society’s attempts to erase bisexuals; I recall giving them a “LMAO” and saying that I don’t understand why I should be all that worried about something that cannot be done and, being a student of history, if society tried to erase homosexuals and that didn’t work, how can they even think and/or believe that mere words are going to erase bisexuals?  They came back and said that because I wasn’t buying into this “threat,” I was adding to the problems of biphobia and bi-erasure… but when I asked them to explain this, they declined to do so.

But, you see, I was talking to someone who didn’t know that this “phobia” and “erasure” shit has been around for centuries – it’s not a new thing; they just took the rhetoric that pertained to homosexuals and applied it to bisexuals so while many people see this as being new, to me – and other bisexuals from my era – this is the same old shit wrapped in a different package.  Still, it comes down to the matter of what you, the bisexual, is going to believe:  What you know about yourself… or something that’s basically someone’s opinion on something that they don’t know a damned thing about?  And then one must consider the source of this which, as far as I’ve been able to investigate, is coming from gay folks more than straight folks – and, yes, there are straight folks who believe that people should only be straight (because the bible says so) or they should be either straight or gay.

People say this and there are bisexuals all over the world saying, “Really?”  This is a case of just because you think/believe this is true doesn’t mean that it is true, like an ongoing theme I’ve been seeing that says that straight men are in denial about their homosexual desires… and this theme is being pushed by homosexual men who seem to have the hots for straight men for some reason I’ve not seen them really explain.  What seems to be going on with this particular thing is that they’re taking a bit of scientific fact – some straight men do think about playing with a dick, even if they don’t do it consistently or as a matter of course – and then putting a huge spin on it and, get this, some gay men are telling straight men the same thing they say to bisexual men, i.e., you should stop being a fake and admit that you’re really gay like we are.

Once upon a time, humans thought that the world was flat and if you sailed too close to the edge, you were gonna fall off; once upon a time, humans believed that the Earth was the center of the solar system and everything else revolved around it.  There’s a lot of shit that we used to believe that we no longer believe, right?  Except when it comes to sexuality and it’s totally fucking insane to keep believing that homosexuals and bisexuals don’t exist when they’ve always existed.  I know that some keep believing this because they want to believe it and for their own peace of mind, they have to believe it; otherwise, they face the very daunting task of completely revising their view of the world to include the fact that there are, indeed, men and women who enjoying having sex with other men and women.  There are those who believe that bisexuals do exist (yay!) but it’s conditional:  It’s men or women because accepting that it’s men and women is just wrong, being greedy – you know what’s being said.

The bottom line, like it or not, is that this crap is opinion, not fact.  I’ve had this conversation with a whole lot of people over a great many years and it’s just funny to see how they react when you tell them that sexuality isn’t static and that people do, in fact, change their minds about their sexuality and for whatever reason makes sense to them.  They’ll say, “I don’t know why anyone would want to make such a change…” and even when I’ve explain the many reasons why people would do just that, something curious happens:  They agree that what I’ve told them does make sense… but they still don’t believe it.  For instance, I was talking to Cityman about this one day and he was telling me that a gay friend of his was giving him a load of shit about being bisexual and that he should pick a side and stay there and he didn’t see the attraction of having sex with women.  Cityman told him, basically, if you really wanna know, go have sex with a woman and the gay man almost had a stroke and insisted that he could never change his mind about his sexual preference.

But that’s a lie; sure, we’re expected to pick a side… but who says you can’t change your mind if you have a reason to?  Cityman told this gay man about another gay man he knows who has sex with women on occasion… and Cityman was told that this was impossible and I know the only reason why the guy said this is that he believes it’s impossible.  Lesbians have been known to actually have sex with men, even if for the purpose of getting pregnant, given that the costs of IVF can be pretty damned expensive and these women who want to be mothers are usually branded as traitors to the lesbian cause… because it’s believed that a woman who loves women would never, ever, have a reason to want to be screwed by a guy.

So when you take in all of this (and a lot more), it’s easier to refute bisexuality than it is to accept the fact that there are bisexuals and that all of the shit being said against bisexuals is, at best, stereotypical claptrap and, again, a matter of opinion more than true facts.  I always tell the people who run around spreading biphobia that if you really wanna know what this is about, ask a bisexual… and many just won’t do that because it would invalidate everything they believe about this.  I mean, seriously, do you really believe that if you masturbate, you’re gonna go blind?  If you don’t believe this, um, why you would you believe that there’s no such animal as a bisexual human being?  And then there’s this:

If bisexuals don’t really exist and all that shit, um, what are y’all pitching a bitch about?  Think about this one for a moment…

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Posted by on 13 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Spit or Swallow?

Man, these guys…

So the title of this scribble is also the title of a thread on the bi guy forum that’s been gathering a lot of steam the last couple of days and a couple of things (or, really, maybe more than a couple) stand out to me and the first being all the guys who have yet to suck a cock establishing a preference to swallow and the other (for now) are the couple of experienced guys who say, for safety’s sake, they don’t swallow or otherwise allow semen in their mouth.  Let me talk about these guys first…

Unless you’re giving a blow job and the other guy is wearing a condom, whether you know it or not, you’re ingesting his seminal fluid – aka pre-cum – and if there’s any unhealthiness in his body, um, guess where it’s gonna show up?  One guy said he never swallows his lover’s cum because he doesn’t trust him – but he always tastes his pre-cum and I thought, “Uh, so if you are so worried about catching something doing this, you probably don’t know that as much as you suck this guy’s cock, you’ve always been taking that risk…”

Now, it is possible to catch something performing oral on anyone, male or female and I’ve always found it somewhat amusing to hear about people insisting on condom use in the spirit of safe sex… but when it comes to giving head, um, er, ah, shit, that practice isn’t always followed.  This, however, really isn’t the point but I often wonder if anyone really understands what happens when they put pretty much anything in their mouth and, specifically, how our bodies go about digesting things.

It begins with saliva; not only does it keep your mouth moist, it contains bacteria and enzymes that are designed to start breaking down stuff and while there are some things that can survive this destructive environment, the next step takes place when you swallow something and it hits your stomach, which contains even more powerful bacteria, enzymes and, oh, yeah, hydrochloric acid, which is really, really good at destroying things – except cellulose; this is why you can eat certain veggies – like corn or peas – hit the bathroom and, well, you probably know what you’re gonna see, right?  Outside of this, not too many things can hit your stomach and survive the experience and that includes seminal fluid and sperm.

The problem with catching something via oral is really about how healthy one’s mouth is; things like cavities and gum disease can be an entry point for something bad and get there before your saliva can get to it; likewise for having any kind of abrasion inside your mouth or on your tongue.  I recall reading some articles about HIV/AIDS and wondered why they were talking more about vaginal and anal intercourse than oral and when they did mention this, they also pointed to the rather destructive environment of the mouth and stomach as the least likely entry points; the bad shit, like syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea become a problem orally when the mouth isn’t as healthy as it can be.  It’s the reason why they say that you can’t contract HIV/AIDS by kissing someone because saliva and the forces at work in your stomach are, again, very good at destroying stuff – but a lot of that also depends on how strong your immune system is, whether you suffer from dry mouth, or your digestive system is somehow out of balance.

So, yeah, when I see a guy say that he won’t swallow because he doesn’t want to catch anything – but they suck cock without using protection, yeah, it’s an eye-roller and more proof that some of us really don’t know how our bodies work nor are they thinking about the fact that in order to catch something, the guy you’re sucking has to have whatever it is you don’t want to catch; some guys believe that if you suck a guy’s dick, you’re automatically gonna catch something nasty (and a lot of people actually do believe this).  Otherwise, at the least, swallowing that nut can literally leave a bad taste in your mouth and it can upset your stomach and even upset the water balance in your gut enough to give you the runs.  That doesn’t mean that guys shouldn’t get tested or, if the other guy is questionable, insist that he get tested and, yes, if you’re really and seriously worried about this, never, ever, suck a cock without a condom.

Now, to the other guys!

I get that those fellas who’ve yet to get that first taste of dick and sperm tend to fantasize about it but, um, there’s a reason why they call it an acquired taste.  One of the downsides of watching porn stars swallow sperm is that while you can see them doing it, you can’t get an idea of what sperm might taste like although, if you look closely, you can see a porn stars facial expression when they know their scene includes swallowing some spunk or otherwise getting it into their mouth… but I’m thinking most guys aren’t paying attention to such things.  What I feel some guys don’t know (or pay any attention to) is that seminal fluid is a cocktail of substances that are designed as a delivery vehicle and environment for sperm to survive long enough to reach a woman’s egg and fertilize it.  A woman’s vagina is an acidic environment while seminal fluid is alkaline to counteract the acidity and give sperm a chance to “do its job” before that acidic environment destroys them – and, yes, it’s a similar kind of destruction to what happens in your stomach, if you were wondering.

And it’s seminal fluid that carries those, um, extra flavors that can make taking a nut in the mouth a potentially distasteful experience.  But like so many other things, it’s one thing to know the chemistry of this and a different thing to actually taste it – and even if you’ve heard from others that sometimes, that shit just tastes nasty… and I’m not gonna bullshit you about that because, yup, sometimes it does.  But what gets me about these guys is that, on the one hand, they want to suck a guy off so very badly… but they’re also “afraid” of that taste and, bluntly, something that they’ve actually not tasted…

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Posted by on 8 August 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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