Over the years, I’ve talked to many men (and women) who, for whatever reason, arrived late to the bisexual party, from those who never really thought about it to those folks who had the thought running around in the back of their minds but either never had the time or opportunity to do anything about it or passed up opportunities for whatever reason made sense to them. Some guys aren’t really late bloomers in that sense; let’s just say that they found reason to return to something that they experienced earlier in life and some had a lot of time to think about those early experiences and finally getting around to accepting that it was a fun thing to do and getting back into it is a good idea.
While one can talk to a late bloomer and find out the reasons why they’re late, what seems to remain unknown is why there are guys (and gals) develop the sense that being heterosexual just isn’t working for them. I know I’ve tried to find a pattern or that one thing I could point to that would explain being tardy – and I’ve been trying to figure this one out for a long time – and, nope, I cannot point to any one thing and especially with the folks who’d never entertained doing such a thing… but now they have a very intense desire to do it.
There was a time when I believed that a guy just did not wake up one day and think, “Today’s a good day to suck a dick!” Once I started talking to guys who, for the most part, were doing just that, I had to rethink things and, no, it didn’t help when they’d also say that they had no idea why this thought popped into their head. It seems improbable that a guy who had no sexual interest in other men could “suddenly” develop such an interest but some studies do cite what’s known as latency – call it a delayed reaction if it helps clarify things. While some guys get visited by bisexuality “early on,” for some guys it never arrives in the early going but they get in the neighborhood of 35 or so… and all of a sudden sucking a dick (or some other M2M sex) is pretty damned fascinating… and the majority of guys I’ve talked to about this has all said, almost to a man, “I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this!”
For instance, there was a guy I worked with and one day, he was seriously out of sorts and I happened to ask him if he was okay. He sat and thought for a moment and asked me, “Can I tell you something?”
I said that he could… and he began to tell me that when he got to work, he got onto the elevator and there was another guy present when the doors opened. He spoke to the guy, the guy returned the greeting… and he found himself struck by a desire to have sex with the guy and, to be expected, this happily married guy became quite distraught. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked.
And I couldn’t really explain it to him, other to say that I was aware that something like this does happen to some guys. Of course, he asked if it ever happened to me and, yeah, I wound up telling him that I had been playing with dicks for quite some time so, no, I never had this hit me like a bolt out of the blue… but he wasn’t the only guy I knew that had this land on them like a ton of bricks. When he asked what, if anything he should do about it, wow, that was harder to answer other to break a rule and answer his question with a question: “Um, well, what do you want to do?”
We wound up meeting after work to continue this discussion and I explained, as best I could, that just because there’s this incredible urge to do something, it might not be prudent… but chances were good that until he actually did something, he was gonna find himself greatly preoccupied by this – and I told him right up front that asking me what I’d do in that situation wouldn’t help him one bit since, um, if I wanted to suck a dick, I’d go suck a dick and not give it a second thought. He said, “It seems I have some serious thinking to do…” and I agreed that this was true. Now, I don’t know whether or not he did something or not but it was just one more thing that told me that, yeah, some guys do wake up one morning and think playing with a dick is a damned important thing to do.
Some guys experiment early on and some guys who are late to the party have admitted that, growing up, they had plenty of opportunities to experiment – but didn’t. Guys like my protegé could point to exact moments in time where things were leading up to a M2M sexual encounter but nothing happened… but they couldn’t shake the thought that something should have happened. It’s interesting that some guys can “go back in time” and note every time a near miss occurred… and more so once they had their first experience. And in the case of most of the late bloomers I know, they’ve all pretty much said, “I don’t know why I never did this before now!”
The only thing that can be said at this point is that things happen when they’re supposed to happen – I guess. It’s not like it can’t be figured out why it took “Earl” thirty-five years to have a need to have sex with another guy to make itself known and something the police use when investigating crimes could explain it – it’s called MMO or Motive, Means, and Opportunity. Some guys did (or do) have opportunity and perhaps even means… but without motive, nothing happens although motive can be as “simple” as being really horny. However, motive and opportunity doesn’t seem to work without means being present – yeah, this is some really weird shit when you – or if you – care to think about it so while a lot of guys can have motive – being incredibly horny – without means and opportunity, nothing happens. And, yes, strangely enough, even when MMO has been satisfied, that doesn’t guarantee that something will happen; “Mark” and “Josh” could be hanging out and MMO is all over them like a wet blanket and they both know that something needs to happen… but it doesn’t for some reason. I’d have to say that fear is a major contributing factor in this situation, i.e., what will people think if they knew I did this? I’ve been in those moments and the other guy(s) have said, “I wanted to but…” and the “but” was “I was afraid to.”
Is it weird that a very heterosexual guy would “suddenly” not want to be so heterosexual? Nah, not really but explaining it, as you can see, isn’t that simple. Yesterday, I wrote about triggering events and there are a lot of them that have nothing to do with being dissatisfied with sex with women; something like getting laid off of a job or some other really stressful situation can be a trigger and, sure, as mentioned, having one drink too many can complete the combination on the lock to one’s inhibitions and when the dust clears, a guy who has never sucked a dick or even though about doing such a thing has not only done it but found it enjoyable. Some have suggested that watching porn could be a contributing factor to late-blooming because “Carl” can’t watch some dude laying pipe to a babe without actually focusing on the cock in her mouth or other orifice and maybe, just maybe, a thought pops into their head that they may or may not be aware of: “I wonder what it’s like to do that to a guy?” Does this seem unlikely? I can’t say that it is since I’ve heard of guys “confessing” that they got interested in dick watching heterosexual porn.
Is it some evolutionary response to things that have been encoded into the male genome over all this time? Something that just lies dormant and unnoticed until it wakes up… and if it wakes up at all? I sure as hell don’t know but maybe it’s plausible since late-blooming bisexual men are still popping up all over the place and prior experience notwithstanding. I mean, it can be explained with guys who “fooled around” when younger; they did it before so, ah, why not do it again and for no other reason because they want to and can? The guys without prior experience, well, they’re just a mystery to me; for some, it seems to be akin to a logical progression, like those guys who’ve told me that they’ve done everything they could do with a woman and doing things with a guy just makes sense to them and answers the question, “Is this all there is to having sex?”
Apparently not and as many late bloomers are discovering…