Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Hooked

I was just on the bi guy forum and saw an old post where the OP said that he was worried that if he sucked a dick, he’d find that he liked it and would want to do it again.  When we think about the reasons why a lot of guys hesitate to throw down with another dude, there’s a bunch of “standard” reasons that I won’t bother to repeat here because if you’ve been with me for a while, you’ve seen them hundreds of times… but the one you don’t hear so much about is a guy is eager to suck cock but hasn’t…

Because he knows he’s gonna like it and get hooked on doing it and that seems to present a problem for some guys.  I know why it’s problematic and it’s not unusual for a guy to get his first taste of cock and experiencing a mad rush to suck every and any cock he can get his mouth around.  In my own experiences, jeez, it’s so heart-warming to have a guy stop sucking me and he’s got this mystified look on his face and asks, “Why didn’t I do this before now?” or “I thought it was gonna be bad… but it wasn’t!”  I’ve seen guys go through a kind of transition, from being anxious to do it while being quite leery, which is understandable because it’s one thing to have someone suck your cock or to watch it via porn or whatever… and something very different when, literally, there’s a cock inches from your face just waiting to be sucked.

I’ve seen guys have that “Fuck it…” moment and they’re off and running and now they’re trying to figure out what to do; again, just because you’ve seen dicks being sucked doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to do it.  I’ve felt that moment of, “What the fuck am I doing?” just as I’ve felt that… shift in their thinking as they realize that sucking dick isn’t as bad as they may have heard.  It’s my habit of talking to guys before anything happens so that they understand what it is they’re about to get into and, yes, we talk about that acquired taste he’s heard about.  Some guys seem to think that if you suck cock, swallowing the spunk has to be done and I assure them that they don’t.  Politeness says that if someone’s sucking your cock for the first time you warn them before you cut loose – and even if you’ve had this conversation before the fact.

Some guys heed the warning and stop… and some guys don’t; some guys handle it as if they’re old hands at it and, well, some guys don’t and, sometimes, in spectacular fashion.  Some guys will do it once and never have or feel the need to experience it again; some guys don’t really know if they liked doing it or not and actually go for it a second time just to figure out if they liked – or disliked – the first time.  And some guys just flat-out get hooked on doing it right out of the gate.  I think there are a lot of guys who can’t foresee how things will go for them should they suck cock for the first time and get hooked on it.  Many are quite paranoid about the whole world finding out that he gave a dude a blow job and I’ve had to tell guys that, um, the only way someone is gonna find out that you did this is if you tell them you did and if anyone asks me, I have no idea what they’re talking about, okay?

What does it feel like to be hooked on sucking cock?  It’s kinda crazy, kinda comforting and satisfying and a whole lot of other things I’ve never been able to put into words.  It can be one hell of an ego trip, depending on how your mind works; some guys get hooked on it and it makes them feel delightfully submissive while some guys are just the opposite – those are the guys who’ll go down on you and there’s no question about who’s in charge here.  You might think that as the guy being blown, you’re running the show but, um, no – not really.  Some guys worry about technique but that can be learned every time you get your cock sucking fix; I’ve found that guys who get hooked on this will make it a main goal to be very good at it, not so much because it means the other guy will experience a fantastic blow job but because it winds up meaning a whole lot for their own satisfaction in doing this.

I go on the forum and read guys sharing their first time giving head and you can see it in the way they write that they’re hooked, that and they all say that they can’t wait to do it again.  And again.  And again.  I do tell them that along the way, um, they’re gonna find out why some women aren’t real fans of giving blow jobs – let’s face it, some guys are just assholes about it and, at least in my opinion, they don’t know shit about getting their dick sucked and I’m pretty sure that anyone who’s had to suffer through a bad blow job has done so because the other guy has been watching too much porn; fucking someone’s face isn’t the same as getting a blow job.  But that’s an occupational hazard and most guys who get hooked learn from such experiences and, importantly, don’t let a bad experience steal their newly found joy of sucking cock.

All in all, getting hooked on this isn’t a bad thing – it can only be bad if you entertain any thoughts in that direction.

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Posted by on 6 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Top Searches: “Intercrural Porn”

And here I found myself thinking that I’d finally escaped the rash of Top Searches for intercrural sex that I’d been subjected to.  That area of my dashboard has been empty for the longest time… until today and, at first, I was gonna let this one slide until I got to thinking about it and asking myself if I’ve even heard of such a thing.

There’s a flavor of porn out there to satisfy the most freakiest of hungers and if this is true, then it’s possible that intercrural porn exists… but if it does, I’d imagine that it could be rather boring unless there’s some other stuff going on that would prove to be more visually stimulating.  There’s soft porn, the stuff that looks like the real thing is happening but is shot in such a way that you don’t actually see it happening – conveniently covered by sheets, discrete camera angles, stuff like that.

The actual act of intercrural sex – aka frottage for the guys – can be quite stimulating and exciting to participate in… I just don’t know if that translates to porn all that well.  Prior to frotting, sure, there can be kissing, fondling, lot of cock sucking but after that?  A guy lubes up his cock and his partner’s thighs to prevent friction burns and gets to work going through the motions of fucking without any penetration being attempted.  Would it be hot and stimulating to see two male bodies all sweaty and engaged like this but knowing that there’s no “real fucking” happening?  Since porn loves to overly exaggerate things, I’m sure that if you watch porn with the sound turned up, you’ll hear a lot of noises to go along with you’re seeing and maybe that works for some people.


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Posted by on 4 March 2018 in Top Searches


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Do… or Do Not…”

Fans of the “Star Wars” movies will recognize these words uttered by Jedi Master Yoda and for some bi guys who are waffling about doing the deed with another guy or not, the full quote is quite applicable.  If you remember, Luke Skywalker said that he couldn’t, that it was too big/heavy/whatever and Yoda looked at him with great sadness (for a puppet) and said, “This is why you fail.”

For decades, I’ve seen or heard of guys driving themselves crazy over the decision to do… or do not.  On the one hand, they very much want to do it; just the thought of doing it is eating them alive on the inside and they know that until they do, they’re just not ever gonna be right with themselves… but.  It’s always tickled me that when a guy is trying to make this decision, he usually comes up with more reasons why he shouldn’t – or can’t – do it.  It is not to say that some reasons lack legitimacy, like the guys who want to do it but are with a woman and they’d prefer that she not find out about this or the guys who are of a mind that if they even touch another man’s cock, they will immediately become infected with something.

I’ve heard guys say that they’re leery about sucking a dick because they don’t wanna get fucked in the ass, making me wonder a couple of things, like, what does the one thing have to do with the other and where’d they get the impression that if you suck a dick, you have to be fucked by that dick?  I’ve even heard guys say that they can’t make the decision one way or the other because they don’t know if they’re gonna like it; this is understandable because it’s not simple to determine that you’re gonna like something that you’ve never done; I’ve heard some guys say that they think it’ll be as enjoyable as they’ve imagined but there’s a lot of uncertainty going on.

Rarely have I heard/seen a guy say that he can’t do it because he’s afraid that he will like it and out of all the reasons I’ve heard to do not, this one is probably the most honest I’ve ever heard and more so when it stands to reason that if you do it and you like it, there’s no telling how things will go in the imaginable future.  Some guys say that they’re not only worried about what others would say and think just as they are worried about whether doing it is going to make them homosexual, you know, like you can catch “gay” like you can catch a cold.

On the bi guy forum I frequent – and probably on other such forums – a lot of men ask what it’s like to have sex with another man, from hand jobs to anal sex; those experienced in these things will share what it’s like for them, which can be helpful but in reality not so much because just because “Mike” said sucking a dick was the worst experience he ever had does not mean that it will be like that for anyone else.  If “Eric” shares that feeling a hard dick worming its way into his butt was the most incredible pain he’s ever felt, well, um, yeah it’s like getting a tattoo for the first time:  It’s gonna hurt.  Guys ask for this information and get it and while some decide to do not, some are still on the fence about whether or not doing will be a good thing for them.

Some guys want to do… under what I’d call some impossibly controlled conditions and it’s been my opinion for the longest time that some men go to great lengths to set conditions that they know can never be met, insuring that even though they very much want to do, they won’t be able to – they’ve made sure that they won’t be able to do.  I want to back up a little and revisit guys being worried about what others will say and think and ask a question:  Um, if you do, who’s gonna know other than yourself and the guy you did it with?  True enough, you can do it and someone might notice there’s something “different” about you and might even mention it and now it’s a matter of whether or not you can (or want to) tell them that you just did it with a guy.  Given that most men aren’t likely to confess such a thing, such inquiries are easy to wave off and plausibly so.  It just makes me wonder what goes through a guy’s mind and this particular thing is what’s giving him fits when deciding to do or do not because unless you tell someone – or the other guy goes on Facebook and tells everyone that he did you, it’s unlikely that anyone will find out that you did anything.

Some guys balk on the decision to do or do not by creating scenarios, like, what if I’m sucking his cock and he cums in my mouth?  I’ve even seen/heard guys ask, “What if we’re blowing each other… and all of a sudden he wants to fuck me (or I want to be fucked)?”  For those guys whose main concern is looking at a man’s dick and getting HIV/AIDS just by seeing it – and if you think this sounds silly and exaggerated, trust me when I say it isn’t – it’s like it just doesn’t occur to them that to avoid this, uh, um, use condoms.  Some guys will say that they want to experience cock in the raw – sucking or fucking – but they don’t wanna catch something and the obvious and safest choice is to not do it in the raw.


Those of you who have been following me and these scribbles have seen me write that we should not let our fears make us foolish but in the decision time to do or do not, we do let our fears drive the car.  It’s in our nature to be afraid of something we don’t know anything about but these days you can watch guys doing it to each other and in about every way imaginable and you can talk to guys who’ve done it and no matter if they liked it or not.  There are ways to answer the questions your fears pose but at the end of the day, you still have to be able to set those fears aside so you can do… or continue to listen to your fears and do not.  A lot of guys get to what I call the “fuck it” moment.  Those guys get to a point where doing or not doing cannot be resolved; sometimes the moment is they’re talking to a guy before the fact and whether or not this guy can be trusted to treat you right cannot be determined – and neither can any other concerns and the guy will say to himself, “Fuck it…” go meet the other dude and whatever happens, happens.  Some guys find themselves in the moment of truth; you’re either going to do something with the hard dick you know is waiting for you to do something with it or you won’t… and the guy in this moment will say – and sometimes aloud, “Fuck it…,” lower his head and suck that dick or wrap his hand around it and start jerking on it or, yeah, even allow himself to be lubed up, penetrated, and inseminated with or without a condom.

It’s not that guys faced with this kind of decision, again, don’t have legit concerns as far as it goes for them.  But it remains true that if you do nothing, none of those concerns can ever be realized while, at the same time, If you do something, those concerns may never surface.  It comes down to this:  If you do not believe that you can do this – and no matter how it turns out – if you want to do this, you will always fail to do this.  Guys will say that they want to suck cock and I will ask them what’s stopping them and, to date, I’ve not heard one guy say, “I don’t know…” but I’ve heard and seen them come up with a laundry list of reasons why they can’t bring themselves to do it including it being determined that they’re lousy at sucking cock… but how can you be lousy at doing something you can’t bring yourself to do?  It’s about conquering your fears and being confident in yourself that no matter what it is you’re deciding to do, you’re gonna give it your best shot.  Some guys ask, “What if I cum too soon?”  Well, what if you do?  It happens just like it happens that some guys are unable to cum – but not because the other guy is bad at sucking dick but because they’ve stressed themselves so much about this that they couldn’t cum even if they wanted to.

Do… or do not; there is no try.  It’s the hardest decision a bisexual man has to make for himself, not just for his first time but for any future times.  We play the “what if” game with ourselves and at some point, it all boils down to one simple thing, that being, if you don’t do it, you’ll never know how it’s gonna turn out.  If you do go ahead and do it, well, yeah, you gotta deal with the consequences of your actions and whatever they may be – and that includes dealing with the consequence that you did it… and nothing bad happened.

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Posted by on 3 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: FWB (Friend With Benefits)

One of the changes in male bisexuality that I’ve seen is a shift from guys looking to hook up to requiring a single source for this sex.  It makes sense in that if you have that one guy you know a great deal about and implicitly trust – not only with the secret but with your health as well – that works well for a lot of guys and especially those men who aren’t fans of casual/hook up sex.  I was thinking about when I first heard about this and I seem to remember a lot of women talking about their “friend…” but not about a boyfriend.  A few women took the time to explain this “friend” thing; they hang out, have much sex, but they’re not in a committed relationship.  “We’re just really good friends,” one woman said as she blushed.

Okay, I got it now!  Now, this isn’t quite like having an affair although one could reasonably assume that it falls into the guidelines of FWB – in short – all of the benefits of being in a relationship but none of the responsibilities a committed relationship calls for.  It is not just a down-low thing, not when single people opt to not be in a relationship with someone but, um, they still wanna get laid and meet other people in their search for The One.  Relationship purists kinda/sorta frown at this because it’s so out of the box, you know, you meet someone, you date/court them, you commit to a relationship, get engaged, and get married.  Fornication – that’s having sex without being married – is considered to be a sin (which is where the saying “living in sin” comes from) and casts and evil eye on those who cohabit like they’re married but they aren’t… but shacking up is acceptable because if nothing else, the two sinners are, at the least, living with each other.

What I’ve seen in recent years and in the world of M2M is that FWB is kinda mutating and is being treated by some as a committed relationship and one that also implies exclusivity.  It often makes me shake my head when I see the guy son the bi guy forum (in particular) go on at great length about finding a FWB while, at the same time, saying that they’d rather not be in a committed relationship either because they can’t or it’s just not on their list of things to do.  Some guys approach the concept of FWB like it’s NSA – no strings attached – and, um, no, NSA is a different animal altogether.  What many of them learn is that the emotional connection they’re trying to avoid does come into play at some point and things get a bit more serious and that’s about the same time when things can get a bit rocky because someone is trying to handle a FWB arrangement as if it’s a committed and exclusive relationship.

In some ways, it smacks of hypocrisy for a guy who says he won’t throw down with another guy without them being into each other – a purely emotional context – while, again, not being of a mind to commit to “officially” being boyfriends but things get to the point where exclusivity hits the table.  This is another of those instances where I think you can’t have it both ways; you can’t want, require, or demand exclusive access to someone without a commitment to that end any more than you want some being into involved but wanting to avoid any emotional entanglements.

I’ve seen guys get into the FWB thing and things go sideways, like the FWB starts making demands on their time, has hissy fits when getting together can’t be done on demand, and even getting highly upset to find out that homey is seeing other guys.  Some FWBs seem to assume that if this is what’s going on, then exclusivity is somehow implied so if “Harry” and “Hal” have become FWB, neither of them are allowed to see anyone else – the two of them are assumed to be effectively off the market.  When FWB is taken to this place, things can get rather, ah, uncomfortable because you’ve gone from engaging with a guy that you can hang out with and/or have sex with to having a boyfriend who kinda/sorta thinks you two are a committed couple.  Since this isn’t the case – and because neither guy has actually and verbally committed to exclusivity and all that comes with it – wow, the shit hits the fan in a very explosive and messy way.

One guy I know of who had a FWB go sideways was telling me that he’d gone away for a few days and upon his return home, he found a slew of messages on his answering machine (yeah, it was that long ago) from his FWB demanding to know where he was and that he’d better call him if he knew what was good for him.  He told me that he called the guy back and the guy proceeded to read him the riot act and beginning with him having the audacity to leave town without telling him or asking him if he wanted to come along.  The rant continued as the FWB demanded to know what homey was up to and, yup, who else he was fucking… and the guy I know said he lost his cool at this point and told the FWB that, first, what he does when they’re not together is none of his business and where he goes – as well as his reason for going – is equally none of his damned business.  Then he said he asked the FWB, “Since when do I have to answer to you?”

The FWB said, “When you started fucking me, that’s when!”

Uh oh…

You see, just as with NSA sex, FWB sidesteps traditional thinking in this, like, the notion that if we’re having sex, then we are an exclusive, monogamous item.  Remember, FWB is supposedly all of the benefits of a relationship but none of the responsibilities so, to that end exclusivity and monogamy is outside of that remit – but both of those things are well within the domain of a committed relationship.  There are times when I think that because some folks are trying to normalize bisexuality and its related activities, instead of FWB being an uncommitted kind of thing, it’s becoming very much a committed relationship kind of thing in the minds of some guys.  We’re conditioned to behave monogamously and especially when sex is involved and many people still hold true that without a relationship, no sex can or should happen, nope, not without full investment in each other.  The problem comes into view when two guys want to do each other – because it’s convenient and safe as well as it speaking to the depth of their friendship – but a full, invested commitment to each other is either unwanted or impractical.

I’ve heard of guys getting very pissy because their FWB didn’t call them for a given length of time; I’ve heard of them getting highly upset and even depressed to think that this absence is due to their FWB out there laying the pipe to someone else, finding them somehow less desirable, stuff like that when, in fact, the FWB didn’t call them because he had other things to do and, um, they’re not officially boyfriends so there’s no need to always be checking in with each other and, basically, trying to run each other’s lives in any way.  I know there are bi guys who, emotionally, are looking for Mr. Right – they want that committed relationship with another guy and to be their one and only and there’s nothing wrong with wanting this but it’s just my opinion that the FWB model, taken literally, can’t work in this area and it really doesn’t work for those guys who are in a relationship – married – and taking on a second committed relationship could cause more problems than they’re willing to deal with.  NSA is undesirable, a committed “he’s my boyfriend” relationship is impractical and unwarranted so, yeah, FWB is the answer…

Except you probably shouldn’t try to handle a FWB arrangement as if it’s a committed and monogamously exclusive relationship and I’ve been wondering why there are some guys who are trying to do just that and then wind up getting their bubble burst when the whole things falls apart.  Surely, emotions can come into play; it seems unlikely that you’re gonna keep having sex with this guy and not develop some, ah, deeper feelings other than just friendship; ya might not come right out and say that what you’re feeling is love but, okay, it’s pretty damned close enough for government work.  Some guys have some interesting expectations when it comes to FWB and those expectations are more in line with a committed relationship than they are a matter of convenience which, in my opinion, is what FWB started out as but seems to be mutating and, sadly, for some, in some pretty disheartening ways.

FWB is supposed to be more than NSA but less than a monogamous relationship; it’s supposed to be a convenience and something special between close friends… but methinks this is morphing into something else and right now I can’t say that it’s a good or bad thing as far as bisexuality goes… but I can see how problematic this can become.  My protegé shared with me that from time to time, the guys he’s FWB with gives him grief about him not always being available to him when they want him to be; they feel some kind of way when he tells them about other guys he’s been with because it’s important where health is concerned.  My protegé is open and forthcoming with those guys – and as he should be – but their reaction to this openness is met with emotions that are borne of monogamous behavior; they see it like they’re FWB and fucking (or whatever) so exclusivity is implied and mandated even though he’s told them in no uncertain terms that he’s not interested in having a committed, monogamous, and exclusive relationship with them.  Yes, they are good friends and, really, ya can’t be FWB without the F-part of the phrase being in play, right?

It just kinda surprises me that there are men who seem to “insist” that FWB becomes more than what it originally was and even more so when many of those same men also say that they couldn’t see themselves being in a committed relationship with another man…

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Posted by on 2 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The New Normal?

In my time, I’ve seen male bisexuality go through changes, from subtle to, “Wait, what?” Once upon a time, if a guy showed any interest in other guys, he’d get tagged with unflattering labels – faggot, sissy, punk, and queer just to name a few. Such a thing was, of course, associated with homosexual men – and men who were, um, rather swishy and limp-wristed – so it just “made sense” that any guy interested in exploring sex with another guy had to fall into this category. Bi guys – aka switch hitters – were more of a joke and a mild insult compared to being tagged as gay. It was just laughable that a guy would want to hit for both teams.

Decades later, a new mindset came into existence and one that said that if two guys wanted to get together and, say, suck each other off, well, there’s nothing “girly” about this; just because two guys would hook up and fuck each other didn’t mean that the guy being fucked was gay, girly, or whatever. It’s just “boys being boys” and a manly thing to do; guy’s tagged as being femmes were [still] being frowned upon so when one was on the prowl for likeminded guys, only real men should apply.

I’m still at a bit of a loss figuring out this “real man” thing but it was a major change from my perspective because, prior to this, your best option if (in particular) you wanted to bone a guy in the butt was to seek out guys who were more “girly.” I’m not even sure why this change came about since prior to this, if you sucked cock or liked getting screwed, you were a punk-assed bitch… and now if you didn’t do either of these things, you’re a punk-assed bitch.

Guys hooked up, even before the advent of the Internet, smartphones, and apps. Maybe “hooking up” was just an euphemism for dating but the school of thought was that guy’s don’t date other guys; we meet, hook up, get together, hang out, etc., because to say that “Roy” is going on a date with “Arnie” implied there was something going on between them other than sex, like a relationship… and only gay men have relationships with other men. Even after the Internet changed everyone’s way of doing things and the proliferation of “dating” apps, guys still didn’t date each other – you might meet at Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee or meet at a bar for a drink or two before heading off to have sex… but you sure as hell wasn’t on a date.

Once upon a time, when two guys got together for sex, it was quite no nonsense: Meet up, get naked, get dicks hard, and make them soft again. No hugging, cuddling, kissing allowed or even required and it was my thought that men developed this habit because – and I will apologize to every woman reading this – they go through this dealing with women so cutting this part out and getting right to the business at hand made sense and more so since, in the world of the hookup, all that other stuff took time that one may not have had. This cut to the chase attitude also seem to give birth to a lot of rudeness seen on the many apps and websites created for this purpose. No time for talking, don’t really want to know a whole lot about you other than what you like to do, the size of your dick, and can we hook this up in the next five minutes?

One of the things I’ve been seeing over, oh, the last couple of years, is a move to normalize M2M stuff or, to be blunt, approaching this in similar ways that a guy would go about dealing with women. Guys are more worried about being into a guy (and that guy being into him) than I’ve ever seen before; guys don’t want to hook up – they want to date other men and as they would with women, up to and including giving them gifts on that first date.

I’d never say that there’s anything wrong with this… but I am beginning to wonder why some guys feel and/or believe that they should deal with other guys in a similar manner that is “normally” associated with women. Again, ladies, I mean no offense to y’all whatsoever – I’m just writing what I’ve been observing and, yeah, this is a strange departure from the ways things used to flow. Indeed, a lot of budding bisexuals are of a mind that there’s something wrong with them if they don’t have any romantic notions regarding men; they just wanna have sex. And there are guys who are of a mind that if all you’re interested in is the sex, well, you’re doing it all wrong, fella!

Today, there is more of a trend toward obtaining a Friend With Benefits and what I often find a little funny is that a lot of guys who are searching for Mr. Right don’t seem to understand that FWB is, in fact, a relationship… even though they say that they don’t wanna be in a relationship with other men. Sound a little confusing? Join the club. Again,, not saying there’s anything wrong here – I just find it amusing and maybe a bit disturbing at times.

When two guys decide to have sex, is kissing and cuddling mandatory? Seems like some guys think so and it’s making some men… squeamish to think about that, saying that kissing and cuddling is too intimate for their sensibilities and it makes me wonder if they really understand what being intimate really means. Today I read a post by a guy who said he wants to suck cock… but kissing and cuddling are too intimate for him…

What, like sucking another man’s cock isn’t intimate? And would you believe that some guys believe that a blow job isn’t intimate? Even my protege once said that it seemed kinda silly that a dude can suck a dick and even want to eat ass… but won’t kiss another guy… because that’s too intimate a thing to do.

Are bi guys unconsciously trying to normalize things by applying the same techniques and behaviors they’ve know with women to interacting with men? I’m not sure and a lot more observation is called for… but when I see a guy saying that he’s not gonna have sex with a guy without some being into in place, hmm, that might be what’s going on with this and more so when there are now guys saying that there will be no sex on the first date… or even the second.

Does this sound familiar? It should because it’s the exact same thing I’ve heard women say. On the bi guy forum, I’ve seen guys who are “all about just the sex” get picked on for having casual sex and there’s no investment – that being into thing. The guys in this camp say that if there’s no being into, there’s no sex happening; at the same time, a lot of the guys in this camp are wondering why they’re still sitting on the bench. They seem to “insist” that there’s a right and a wrong way to be bisexual when, in my experience, there is no right or wrong way to go about dealing with your craving for cock – you get out there and do things the way you want to do them so, yeah, if “Carl” wants to date and court “Alex” and as he’d date “Karen” – and he’s gonna make the same “demands” on Alex as Karen would make Carl abide by, well, if that works for you, handle it. Just the same, if these hypothetical guys wanna meet somewhere, skip the prelims, and get right to making each other cum, that works, too.

Even I’ve said that you don’t have to be head over heels crazy about a guy – you just have to like (and trust) him enough to have sex with him; if things blossom beyond that – and one should never assume that they can’t or won’t – then it’ll be fine or it won’t be depending on one’s situation. At the least, you wind up in a FWB situation – all of the perks, none of the responsibilities – but guys do tend to deal with this as if it’s truly a committed relationship, i.e., exclusivity is often a mandatory requirement.

Is this the new normal in male bisexuality? I don’t know… but I’m gonna keep observing and trying to make sense of what I’m seeing…

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Posted by on 26 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: It’s Not Always About What We Do

Saw a posting on the bi guy forum where the OP wrote a kind of mini-poll that basically asked when bi feelings were felt and what’s been done and in various – and to me, typical – fashions.  A few guys responded but as I looked at them – and because I still find it quite interesting to see how guys respond to such questions – it also reminded me that bisexuality isn’t always about what we do or haven’t done:

It’s about why we do this or that and even why there are so many people who know they’re bisexual and haven’t done anything about it.  One of the things I keep seeing as I read things about bisexuality is a continued focus on what a bisexual does or what a bisexual is “supposed” to do or how we’re supposed to behave… but few of the things I read ever speak to why and when something does, it tries to generalize something that in my opinion cannot be generalized and more so when people who walk the path of bisexuality are on that path for their own unique reason.  Yes, it is true that one can quantify those reasons – there are patterns to this and patterns that a lot of bisexuals do, in fact, share.

I could spend the next hour or so writing down all the reasons that I know of and even that wouldn’t begin to scratch the surface of why people are bisexual – there are too many things about this that there are no words for.  One of the most difficult things for me is, in fact, trying to answer the question, “Why are you bisexual?”  The answer, at first, tends to come out as, “I just am…” but it’s not really that simple – that’s just my mind looking at the whole thing and it’s just too complicated to put into words because a lot of being bisexual goes on in the parts of one’s mind where words cannot exist; they’re impressions, for lack of a better word, intangible things that one is very much aware of but human language is incapable of parsing.  It’s like you do something when you’re a child and your parents ask you why you did it… and your answer is, “I don’t know!” when, in fact, you do know why you did it.

You just can’t explain it because there are no words to explain it.  Bisexuality, in trying to qualify and quantify it all, is like that. It’s not that you don’t know because you do… but explaining it to someone?  Have fun with that – and don’t take too many headache pills while you’re trying to do it.

I was reading something yesterday, an old NY Times article about trying to scientifically explain bisexuality and, specifically, male bisexuality… and that, in and of itself, is something I find troubling because the generally accepted belief is that because men aren’t supposed to screw around with each other, then it seem improbable that they’d want to.  Throughout the article, it rehashed all the known stereotypes that, at least for me, have been around longer than I’ve been around, rehashed the issue of abject and wholesale denial, even talked about the notion that unless there’s a same-sex relationship at hand, one’s bisexuality could be questionable.  It spoke to some political kind of agenda to get all bisexuals to come out and how many organizations were springing up to facilitate this mass coming out party that some folks believe is necessary…

But the article, at least in my opinion, didn’t say one word about why people are bisexual.  Other articles I’ve read talked about the sex – and anal sex, in particular – and from how unhealthy it can be (pulling the disease card) to even an assumption that all men who have sex with other men have anal sex.  Some talk about this “strange” notion of straight guys engaging in oral sex with other straight guys and how those guys will insist that despite giving each other a blow job, they’re still very much straight.  All of this stuff says to me that we – on the whole – are more concerned about what guys might be doing with other guys than they are why guys are doing it, let alone why guys, throughout the history of humankind, have been doing it to each other all along.  To that end, the focus toward bisexual men always seems to be on the homosexual side of their duality… but little attention is given to the fact that, um, bisexual men also very much love women and love having sex with them.  Again, I think this continues to play into the “fact” that men having sex with men is just a thing that should never be done, which is insane since it’s pretty damned obvious that it is being done.

And these various researchers don’t seem to be asking why a guy would find reason to step away from being sexually or even emotionally involved with women and be this way with men as well… and if they are asking about the why of this, I’ve not seen anything that speaks to the many reasons why yet.  It’s been my opinion that human nature itself is being overlooked or somehow discounted, like our biology and evolutionary process couldn’t have possibly played a role in this early on in our existence as a species.  It just seems to me that whatever actions we may take in this as bisexual men has drawn a lot of attention because our long-standing social contract has stated that homosexuality is an aberration and in violation of “the natural order of things,” so I guess it’s being presumed or even assumed that bisexuality is a further anomaly that shouldn’t exist because what man would find a reason to be so involved with both men and women?

One of the things I point out to the guys in the bi forum, when such discussions come up, is to stop always looking at what we do with each other and thinking that this will explain male bisexuality; we must look at ourselves and ask questions that will speak to why we’re the way we are and more so for those men who’ve yet to act on this.  It’s not that guys like sucking each other’s cocks or fucking each other in the ass – it’s kinda obvious that these things can be done but to understand our actions better, maybe it’s just me but someone needs to ask why… and, again, maybe it’s just me but I think the answer is a lot simpler than it appears to be.

And if we – generally and as a whole – really want to understand male bisexuality – we need to look with better eyes; we need to stop trying to apply heteronormative values to something that is, at best, a very poor fit because even by definition, bisexuals are both straight and gay… and neither at the same time.  Every man who identifies as bisexual – and even those guys who’d swear on a stack of bibles that they’re not bisexual – knows why they are and, yeah, even for those guys for which bisexuality seems to have landed on them out of nowhere.  Are the reasons for male bisexuality social or are the real answers to be found in a closer look at the nature of the beast?

Better people than myself are needed to look into this and find the answers then report to everyone that male bisexuality isn’t as weird or as strange as it appears to be… and the answers aren’t gonna be found in what we do.

Oh, and before I forget, the article I read did mention bisexual women in one brief sentence but that sentence had an air about it that as far as bisexuality in women is concerned, eh, it’s no big deal.  I read the sentence and my first thought was, “What the fuck?  If y’all can admit that women are just as bisexual and that this isn’t really a big-deal social problem, why is it so hard to accept that men can be and are bisexual?”

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Posted by on 24 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Fooling Around

Sometimes, I have no idea why things pop into my head unbidden.  I’m being plagued by an earwig – that’s when you get a song stuck in your head – so the strains of the BeeGee’s “Staying Alive” has been rambling around my mind and from there, somehow, the though of guys fooling around with each other popped in.

First, the usual stuff:  Boys aren’t supposed to do stuff with each other… but when they do, it’s just boys being boys and, I guess, an expected behavior on our parts when it comes to experimenting with sex.  As the odd and unexpected thought segued into my conscious thinking, my mind also flashed back a lot of decades to randomly select some of the fooling around moments.  I dunno… adults seem to have always been of a mind to believe that youngsters are incapable of doing things like suggesting or initiating sex because, um, it’s something they shouldn’t know about.  Yet, guys experiment with each other and if it’s assumed that no one tells us about this sex thing, how is it that we seem to know about it even when such experimentation is truly a new experience?

When I think about those moments, there were several “kinds” of guy; the ones who were beyond hyped to find out what this sex thing was all about, the ones who were somewhat reluctant to find out but were also damned curious, and the ones who’d run away – and I mean literally – if the subject of sex (aka doing the nasty) came up.  The admonishments – as well as the promises of severe repercussions if the admonishments weren’t heeded – were always in the front of everyone’s mind but for the ones who were beyond hyped, telling them not to do this was the same as telling them to go ahead and do it.  The reluctant ones usually caved into peer pressure despite being curious themselves; seriously, who wanted to be known as a chicken, coward, punk, or a chump when the rest of the group was primed and ready to do something that, if discovered, could get giant cans of whoop-ass opened up on them?  The reluctant guys were “funny” in that they were usually the ones pointing out that we shouldn’t be doing whatever we’re doing… while they were fully participating and, in fact, having fun.

Within our horny-assed group, no one was ever coerced into joining in outside of the usual – and I guess expected – peer pressure.  It was “simply” a matter of whether or not you wanted to be labeled a coward by your peers and you thought that this was worse than, say, getting a beating and getting grounded if it was discovered that you disobeyed the admonishments.  So it wasn’t unusual for a guy to say that he wanted to join in but, at the same time, he didn’t want to join in and, again we though those guys were hilarious but the overall thing was if you joined in, fine, but if you didn’t, that was okay, too… provided you didn’t rat any of us out for doing it and, yes, the unspoken threat of retaliation was implied but, as far as I can remember, never got to that point.

One of the things that seemed to be consistent as a catalyst to fooling around was boredom.  Whether it was two guys or a bunch of us, the biggest question to be answered on any given day (provided we weren’t in school) was, “What do you want to do?”  I’m not saying that we lacked other things to do but there were a lot of times when doing those other things just wasn’t doable for some reason or another.  If we weren’t allowed to leave the immediate neighborhood, sure, there were games we could play and we’d play them… until we got bored and the next question would be, “Now what?”

I can recall many times hanging out with a guy, going through the list of available things to do and the available items being rejected for some reason so the question of, “Now what?” was answered with another question:  “Do you want to do it?”  I cannot honestly say that I recall this question coming up and the answer was, “Nah, I don’t want to…” but I also think that in many of those moments, things were deliberately rejected so that doing it to each other was the only “logical” thing to do.  Having said that, though, it was also a thing where the question of, “What do you want to do?” was immediately answered by, “I want to do it – do you want to do it?”

Sure, why not?  Doing it was fun despite it being a very bad thing for us to do and thanks to our youth, we could do it to each other for long periods of time.  There was the thrill of doing it to each other, combined with the heady fear of getting caught doing it.  As such, it wasn’t unheard of for it to be said, while dicks were being sucked or asses fucked, “Man, if we get caught, we’ll be in so much trouble!”  You’d think that knowing this would be a great deterrent… and you’d be wrong because someone would invariably say, “Yeah, you’re right… but doing it feels so good, doesn’t it?”  Pretty much anyone involved in this particular conversation would readily agree so the action would keep going and to hell with the consequences.

We learned that we could fool around with each other almost anywhere and almost at any time – except when we were in school during the day.  After homework and any chores got done?  Well, there wasn’t enough daylight left to do a lot of things… but plenty of daylight was available to do it and there was always the weekends and the potential for sleepovers.  As an adult, jeez, I often shake my head in amazement at how brazen – or how stupid – we could be to spend the night at a friend’s house and with the knowledge that some fooling around could happen… while grown-ups were still up and about and the potential of them walking in on us was great.  It was, indeed, some very scary shit… didn’t seem to stop us from fooling around and more so when we figured out how to do it quietly while making just enough “normal noises” to keep adults from deciding they need to find out what we’re doing and, yes, if we were in the room and we were totally quiet, someone would come see why we were being so quiet.  Still, many adults would yell from another room, “You boys shut the fuck up and go to sleep!” and we’d yell back, “Okay!” or “Yes, sir!” while giggling our asses off because if we weren’t already doing it to each other, we’d soon be doing it and keeping quiet.

Now, someone asked me if I ever thought that maybe, just maybe, some parents knew what we were doing but never said they knew… and I admitted that I didn’t know, then or now.  Sure, some adults would caution, “There better not be any funny stuff going on in there!” and sometimes an adult would just pop in to see if there was any funny stuff going on… but not always.  I got to thinking about this and it’s possible that some adults knew we were doing more than just sleeping… but as long as we didn’t get caught doing it, well, I dunno, I suppose they felt they had better things to do than to constantly check to see if we were doing any funny stuff.  So if some knew, they never said anything about it but, sure, as kids, we just assumed that there was no way they could know that there was much funny stuff going on, right?

Because a lot of adults/parents weren’t fond of having kids ripping and running around the house, it wasn’t unusual – and sometimes it was expected – to be told, “Take your asses outside and find something to do!  And don’t even start that running in and out shit!  You go outside, you stay your asses out there – you hear me?”

Yep, we hear you… because you just gave us the perfect means to go to one of our hideouts, strip down, and have sex with each other until it was time to go back in.


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Posted by on 21 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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