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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Fantasy

“Every man has a place
In his heart there’s a space
And the world can’t erase his fantasies
Take a ride in the sky
On our ship, fantasize
All your dreams will come true right away”

(Opening lyrics to “Fantasy,” by Earth, Wind, & Fire – big time props to them)

Part of my “morning routine” includes checking the bi guy forum to see if anyone has posted anything of interest and today, it was seeing – collectively – how many of the membership were giving voice to their fantasies.  The forum actually has a major category/place for guys to share these and after reading a few of them, one of the things I noticed was that almost to a man, none of the people jotting down the stuff that makes their dick hard have had that first experience; many of those guys began their writing with the words, “I haven’t done anything with a man yet, but…”

Under another topic, several men were sharing their fantasies about sleeping with, ah, largely endowed men of color (to be uncharacteristically PC for a moment).  One guy allowed that even though he’s yet to do anything, the thought of having it with a Black man with a really big dick both scared him and excited him and (paraphrasing) that his fantasies about this has fueled his, um, auto-erotic moments.  In other topics – but along the same lines – many men share their fantasies surrounding their first experience or, if they’ve already had it, their fantasies are centered on the things they’d want to do… if (a) they could actually bring themselves to do them or (b) if they were free to do them.

Now, that these men have fantasies is perfectly normal… but as I read a few of them, I got to wondering if they were aware that having fantasies is one thing – but the reality might not match what’s going on in their head. One guy had written a pretty elaborate fantasy and one that, even with my imagination, I couldn’t see how any of it could work and someone pointed out to him how unrealistic his fantasy was, to which the originator replied, “I can dream, can’t I?”  Some men have said that these fantasies pop into their heads and they surprise them since, prior to this, they’d never had a single fantasy involving another man before; some guys write that they’re actually worried about being homosexual because of fantasies of sucking cock and, for many, being on the receiving end of the high hard one.

Some share their fantasies but back pedal a bit by saying they’re not sure they could actually do it and some confess to not understanding why they’re having them, which speaks more to the power of the human mind as well as how much we don’t know about how our brains really work.  I get a kick out of reading some of the comments being written when a guy [basically] says he’s having these fantasies but he’s not sure why he’s having them… and some of the comments are pretty funny.  What I’ve also noticed is how their fantasies tend to clash with their sense of morality, like the one guy who shared that he’s had a fantasy of being topped by multiple guys, would very much like to experience such a thing, but that would mean cheating on his wife… but then he finished his writing by asking the membership how he could make this happen for real.

I remember thinking – or, really, reminding myself – that what you think is one thing… and the reality could be a motherfucker; the guy who expressed this fantastical desire might find out that having a bunch of guys poking him in the butt isn’t as much fun as his imagination might suggest.  I also recalled seeing a post written by a guy who was kinda raining on everyone else’s parades by saying that he didn’t allow himself to have fantasies because it was improper for him, as a married man, to have such thoughts.  I remember thinking that, okay, hmm, that’s kinda weird but his sense of impropriety didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that he, a married man, was a member of a website for bisexual men and he’s obviously reading a lot of the stuff written, even if he’s even being a voyeur and trying to live vicariously through the thoughts and experiences of others.  So while it’s possible that he’s trained himself not to, say, be driving to work and thinking about busting a nut in another dude’s behind, uh, he doesn’t seem to have a problem reading about the fantasies of other men who wants to have sex with other men.

Some folks see fantasies as being dangerous and under the auspices of, “If you’re thinking about it, that means you’re gonna do it…” and when I see guys comment along these lines, it still never fails to amaze me how many people don’t seem to understand that thinking and doing aren’t the same things.  Yes, it is understandable that we’d think like this and in simple terms such as thinking that you need a drink of water so you get up and get a drink of water… but either discounting or overlooking the fact that, sometimes, you’ll think about something – like taking out the garbage – but you don’t do it right after you think about it.  Having a fantasy is “merely” thinking; it might be something that you’d want to do, wished you could do, whatever, but it never means (or should never mean) that you’re gonna actually do whatever your fantasy involves; it could be unrealistic or impractical and other things could prevent it from ever being done, oh, like, if the little woman ever found out you participated in an all-male orgy, her lawyers are gonna have a field day at your expense.

So having a fantasy is okay… as long as one understands that just because it’s on your mind, actually doing it is something very different and if the reality says you can’t do it (or you’d better not do it), then don’t – just keep thinking about it and let it go at that.

 
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Posted by on 16 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Story

And just because I can write one… so here goes…

He was on his knees before me, one hand lightly but firmly gripping my cock, the other latched onto one butt cheek, the use of his hands meant to not only steady himself against the movement of his body but to also support me as I stood there, looking at what he was doing and on somewhat shaky legs.  I knew all I had to do was take two small steps backward and sit in the chair directly behind me, just like I knew that if I moved, the spell that was blanketing us would be broken.

Still, there was a part of my mind that was kicking my ass because I deserved it, my “crime” being one of letting this bright-eyed younger man break down my defenses and cave into his desires.  I recalled the times I’d told him no – what he wanted to do to me was ill-advised, not that neither of us were in any real danger but those eyes, more than his actual age, told me that they had not seen the decades of shit life can throw at someone, effectively removing that bright-eyed innocence and dulling said eyes and in stark opposition of a proposition that was anything but innocent.

Hell and damnation… had I not seen something of myself in those eyes, perhaps I wouldn’t have caved in so easily, wouldn’t have remembered that everyone has a first time to do a lot of things and that what he was doing right now was surely one of them.  Maybe if he hadn’t been so transparent and easy to read, I wouldn’t have felt his desire flowing off of him like a heat wave, wouldn’t have seen his focus, his determination, to finally experience that which he had only dreamed of.

And, damn it all to hell, maybe if I hadn’t felt his implicit trust in me to do him no harm, I could have walked away and even convinced myself that by rejecting his advances, I was actually doing him a great service by not putting his feet upon a path from which there might no be a means to return or backtrack.

If I had said no, he wouldn’t now have both hands gripping my ass and fairly slamming his face into my crotch; he wouldn’t be breathing laboriously or trying to swallow the saliva I knew was gathering in his mouth because even I knew it took a bit of practice to be able to suck cock and swallow saliva and not miss anything.  Yet and still, here he was, on his knees, learning what I already knew the hard way – after all, not too many things trump actual experience.  And as I stood there on trembling legs looking down at him as he worked his mouth, lips, and tongue over my erection, he was learning quickly, driven by his desire and the unmitigated joy of finally being able to do what he said he was destined to do.

With my hands lying easily on his broad shoulders, our eyes met and my knees buckled to see him staring back at me, holding my cock in his mouth but teasing it with his tongue, the fire in his eyes scalding me.  He didn’t wink, didn’t try to smile or anything like that; his eyes bored into me and through me and I could feel how happy he was and, importantly, how grateful he was to be able to express his joy and thanks in this very primal, nonverbal way.

Despite my misgivings, I had to admit that the pleasure he was giving me was exquisite; you can say whatever you want about technique and all that but even the best technique can pale in comparison to unbridled enthusiasm.  While a portion of my mind continued to weigh the consequences of this action, my, um, traitorous body wasn’t concerned with anything other than enjoying his oral manipulation of me and with the intent to fulfill the promise my wayward mouth had uttered just before he lowered himself to his knees:

To fill his mouth with my seed.

It wasn’t as if I didn’t understand him in this because there was a time when I was in his place and for similar reasons.  Unlike him, I knew both the good and bad of this… but only because I’d find myself doing exactly what he was doing nownso that I could eventually learn thenthings he was learning this very moment, namely, how to bury your nose into a man’s nest of pubic hair so that you can experience what it’s like to literally have a mouth full of hard prick.  He was gagging, though, so I moved for what felt like the first time in days, gently placing my hands on his face and moving his head back just enough to where I couldn’t feel his gag reflex in action; as his breathing kinda normalized, I smiled at him and as if to say, “This is better for you until younreally learn how to do that…”

Which didn’t stop him from tightening his grip on my backside and pulling me into his mouth, then pushing me away, gently urging me to do something I’d been trying very hard not to do…  but my traitorous body got the hint and I caved in to gently fuck into his mouth.  He looked up at me and I could see the smile in those bright eyes as he held his head still, removing one hand from my buttocks so that he could grip his own erection and, admittedly, an erection I was a bit jealous over.  I widened my stance just a bit so I could keep fucking into his mouth but glance down to see him stroking his cock – was he now really trying to smile or was I just seeing thing?  I guess it didn’t matter, not when I could now feel him groaning against the shaft of my cock.

I refocused my gaze downward and in time to see his hand blurring as it yanked on his cock and the first huge spurt of his release – and it made me gasp as well as his body shuddered sympathetically in time with the pearly semen flowing effortlessly from the head of his prick.  I groaned and shuddered myself; seeing his release was triggering my own.

“Oh, no…,” I groaned just as an explosion of pure white light removed all conscious thought and enticed by body to surrender to sensations that was just as old as humanity.  I was dimly aware of my cock pulsing within the warm, wet confines of his mouth; I could feel his tongue working to gather my seed and assist him in devouring it and to say he did so hungrily would not be an understatement.

My knees buckled, my formerly strong legs no longer able to hold me upright but his hands are on my hips, somehow holding me up as I continued to fuck into his mouth, which was already milking me for every available drop.  My senses were beginning to reassert themselves; conscious awareness returning as if snapped back into place the elasticity of rational thought and its first task was to normalize my heart rate and breathing before I hyperventilated and passed out.

I hadn’t realized that my eyes were closed until I opened them; when I could remember how to focus my vision, I could now clearly see him looking up at me, my once turgid erection now quite flaccid still within the confines of his mouth.  He flicked his tongue against the head of my cock, making me shudder involuntarily as that combined and maddening sensation of pain and pleasure spiked into my recovering nervous system.

He released me and I stumbled backward and plopped down into the chair that I’d forgotten was there; he sat on the spot he had been kneeling upon, his eyes shining more than they did some time ago as he found his voice and said, “Thank you; I’d say you don’t know how much that meant to me but I know that you do know.”

All I could do was nod as he scooted forward until he could rest his head on my still shaky thigh.  He sighed, a rather contented sound and one that was also very familiar to me before looking up at me, smiling, and saying, “Time for round two…”

 
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Posted by on 11 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Getting Buffed

Nope, not talking about hitting the gym and not really talking about polishing something into dazzling, blinding brilliance.  This is a scribble about sucking dick but it’s not a “how-to” either.  I was cleaning out the bullshit from my Tumblr account and one of the first things I saw was a Tumblr thread that I do subscribe to and a clip of two guys outside somewhere, a hard dick being produced by one guy and the second guy kneeling to, um, buff that dome.  I watched with my usual clinical detachment, not really paying attention to the provider’s technique or anything like that but I was thinking about the entry point for bisexual men.

Some guys, when they’ve been bitten by the bisexual bug, have some choices to make, namely, what does he want to experience and what form this first experience should take.  A newbie can start with mutual masturbation which can take two forms:  Getting together with a guy and they jerk off in front of each other or they can pull each other’s pud.  Then, of course, there’s the topic of this scribble, the blow job, which I’ll come (no pun yet) back to in a moment so I can mention anal sex and it’s two forms of giving and receiving.

Getting that knob polished can appear to be a “simple” thing to do… and I can assure you that it isn’t.  A lot of guys are used to having a woman buffing that dome… but when the person doing it isn’t female, yup, that can be a bit of a shock to the system.  Likewise, if you’re the guy doing the sucking, well, I’ve seen guys have a “Fuck it…” moment and just dive in, just as I’ve seen guys experience a moment where what they might have thought about sucking a dick isn’t quite matching the reality that’s literally right in their face.

As I watched the clip, I was thinking about why a lot of guys chose this as an entry point and I thought about how many times I’ve heard guys wonder what it would be like to have another guy blow them and what it would be like to be the one doing the sucking.  Okay, um, that men are really hyped to get their dick sucked shouldn’t surprise anyone, right?  What crossed my mind – and as I headed toward my computer to start scribbling – is the perception that having a guy giving you head is somehow different from having “Judy” doing it in the backseat of the car.  There are differences and beginning with the obvious one – that’s not a woman chowing down on your stuff… but when a guy says that it would be different, I’ll admit to not always being clear about how he’s defining “different,” like different as in not the traditionally accept version, different as in thumbing one’s nose at the taboo attached to this… but I’ll also admit that my perception of this is skewed because other than the person doing it and whatever skills they apply, a blow job is a blow job.

There’s a bit of trepidation taking place with that first blow job, whether you’re getting it or giving it; what’s it gonna feel like, what does it taste like, is he gonna cum in my mouth and/or am I gonna be able to cum and, hell, yeah, if I cum, is he gonna spit it out or swallow it and, of course, if he cums in my mouth, what am I gonna do with it?  Am I gonna gag?  Wait, is he gonna throw up on me if he gags?  But before any of those things come (still no pun yet) up, there’s the biggest consideration of all:  Can I let another man suck my dick and can I really suck another man’s dick?

See, if there are some folks who think that two bi guys get together and go for the gusto without giving it a single thought, I’m here today to correct your perception of this because there is a lot of thinking and even concern going on before zippers ever get pulled down and for newbies, it’s some fairly scary shit because as familiar as it might be to have your dick sucked, you somehow don’t know what’s gonna happen (yeah, sounds crazy but it’s very real) and if the act is going to be as enjoyable as one might think.  I’ve seen guys chicken out at the last moment, have seen them not chicken out but struggle with being sick to their stomach as well as losing that particular battle; like I said, I’ve watched them have that “Fuck it…” moment and just frigging go for it and with varying results from being a “natural” and, yeah,  getting barfed on… and, once or twice, getting barfed on while I was the one doing the sucking.

It’s not that a guy experiencing sucking and being sucked doesn’t think about these things (and some other stuff) because some dudes give themselves headaches thinking about this.  On the bi guy forum, wow, there are so many men who are looking for that first experience and many of those men prefer the entry point of giving and receiving head.  Many of them write that while they are so totally hyped to experience this, they’re not sure how it’s all gonna turn out and since there’s no real way for them to know this without actually experiencing it, it makes them hesitant but that also amps up their desire to suck/be sucked even more.  Some guys write that they wanna do the oral thing with another guy but because they’re probably over thinking the whole thing, they say they’ll opt to start with some mutual masturbation because, again, having a man’s mouth working your dick over and/or being the one doing the work can be quite intimidating.

In my opinion, fellatio is almost a “common sense” entry point and, also in my opinion, porn does a pretty good job of putting cock sucking in a very enticing light… but, there are times when I wonder if the guys watching cock sucking via porn connect with the fact that the people they’re watching on the screen are not only “professionals” but they’re also following a script of sort and doing stuff like purposely gagging someone, doing some really furious face fucking, getting slapped in the face with the dick as well as winding up getting sperm in their eyes and other places one might not want to be spermy – go ask a woman about getting that stuff out of her hair.  To this end, I still think that porn’s presentation of this can establish some bad habits in men being sucked by a guy for the first time as well as for the first-time cock sucker and since I’ve seen guys on the forum write about how much they’d love to fuck a guy’s face really hard and fast or have their mouth and throat treated like it’s a pussy, well, it kinda makes my case a little and mostly because such extreme oral play can have the reverse effect:  Instead of making a guy a real fan of M2M oral sex, it can totally fuck up their perceptions of this and make it more of a mistake than the pleasure it can be.

Those of us who are fans of giving and getting head know how pleasing and intimate it can be.  Skill and technique brings much to the table, as does the matter of swallowing or not doing that. In mind, the most important aspect to this particular entry point is desire; how badly do you want to experience getting buffed and how badly do you want to enjoy doing some buffing?  As I’ve written so many times, the real difference is the difference between liking it and loving it and I maintain the stance that if you’re not gonna love it, why bother doing it?

 
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Posted by on 7 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Regret

TarnishedSoul just reminded me, with his comments to “TBT:  Desperation” of another emotion we’re all familiar with:  Regret.

This is a funny emotion because while there are times when we’ll think, “I’m gonna regret this…” before the fact but regret usually doesn’t come to visit until after the fact and can manifest itself in multiple ways.  I don’t even wanna start counting how many times I’ve done something with a guy and have “regretted” doing it and for a lot of reasons, like, not the right time or place, not the right person (and whatever that really means), whatever went down wasn’t what I had in mind or otherwise didn’t transpire as expected and even regretting giving into my impulsiveness.

Its easy to feel regret when looking at something in the retrospective but the thing that stands out – and something I feel that might mitigate regret is understanding that once you do it, it’s done.  Also, there’s this very curious thing:  It sounded like a good idea at the time and, indeed, if you did it, it probably was a damned good idea, right up until you found reason to refute the goodness of said idea.

Sometimes, when we let regret kick our asses, it is with good reason… but not always.  It’s pretty damned easy to second guess yourself but as Tarnished was told, just ask yourself whether or not you enjoyed it and if you did, fine but if you didn’t, that’s okay, too.  It’s not about assigning fault for why something wasn’t exactly stellar but simply a matter of no one being able to predict how something is going to turn out.  So, there are times and situations where allowing regret to mess with you really isn’t warranted.

As I said in the last scribbling, if we don’t fail, we never learn how to succeed.  Indeed, of we don’t ever “regret” something, we never learn how to attempt to make a situation more palatable for our sensibilities.  So, um, if “Sam” had a hankering to engage in an 69 and he did so with “Gene” – and “Gene” wasn’t the most ideal guy to do this with, yeah, it may be regrettable… but what “Sam” should ask himself is did he do what he wanted to do?  And if “Sam” felt that he didn’t enjoy it, well, why not?

Sometimes, regret comes calling because something we wanted to do happened in a way we didn’t expect or anticipate and, yes, sometimes due to an error in judgement, like our hypothetical “Sam” knowing that “Gene” can be a bit of an asshole but he was available and “Sam” did the deed with him anyway.  What “Sam” is regretting isn’t what he did – it’s who he did it with and it’s even possible that before they got naked with each other, he knew he’d regret his choice… which didn’t stop him from engaging anyway.

And one must ask themselves if regretting something really makes any sense.  Well, that depends, doesn’t it?  There’s the regret of doing something… and then there’s the regret of not doing something.  Same emotion, different context.  Again, I don’t even wanna count or think about how many times I could have done something and it somehow got right by me… and I’ve regretted missing it and that feeling of regret gets even worse when the other person says, “You know, I was already to go along with whatever you wanted to do…”

Argh!  But, ah, damn, can you really regret something you didn’t know about?  And is that sense of regret really a thing of being genuinely sorry that something happened and went south when you didn’t think it would or feeling equally sorry that you missed something and something that there’s no way you could know the outcome of?  If regret comes in the form of a legitimate mistake (and that depends on what you’d call legitimate), well, since it’s over and done with, about the only things you can do are to deal with the consequences and strive not to repeat that mistake.

You can regret what you did, why you did it and even who you did it with and, if nothing else, you’ve proven to yourself that you are human… but unless what you’re regretting is very major, does it serve any purpose to dwell on something that, after the fact, cannot ever be changed?  That’s up to you, dear readers, to decide since regret isn’t always uniquely associated with sexuality – regret doesn’t care when, where or how it shows up in our lives.

My thanks to TarnishedSoul for bringing this to my attention!

 
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Posted by on 6 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Desperation

I thought that I’d revisit this emotional state and write a bit about how guys who are on the verge of disillusionment but who are also determined to dive into the pool can become desperate enough to do it with the first guy who’d agree to do it.  It sounds reckless, doesn’t it? Sounds as if a man who’d go this route has stopped thinking and is in some primal, reactive mode?  Eh, there is some truth to this but it’s not the whole truth because guys who get to this point have been thinking about how to get this done with an intensity that could equal calculating pi to the last decimal point because getting it done is almost always on their minds.

In my many conversations with guys who have acted out of desperation, they’ve almost universally said, “I didn’t know what else to do!  I’d tried other ways, but…”

It could be said that acting out of a sense of desperation is a sure way to make a regrettable mistake… and sometimes it is but, again, in my many conversations, that’s been a rare thing.  What I’ve learned – and for those folks who think bi guys are unthinking and indiscriminate sex fiends – is that a guy actually goes through his version of a logical progression, incorporating “who, what, why, where, when and how” into his thought processes but finds that things have degraded from his “ideal situation” to “I’ll take the next offer that comes my way.”

On the surface, acting in this fashion doesn’t make a lot of sense, that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth waiting for and that it’s better to err on the side of caution.  But this level of desperation isn’t quite the same as other forms of this emotional state and, in part, you can blame a man’s need to have sex as a motivator.  Again, not all guy will feel the desperation and “mindlessly” act; I’ve talked to guys who have admitted to feeling this but also recognize that there could be serious repercussions if they spontaneously act – so they don’t… but it’s not as if they don’t want to and, pun intended, desperately so.

When I write about these emotional states, it’s to illustrate how difficult it can be dealing with one’s bisexuality as well as pointing out (once again) that if it’s true that bisexuals tend to suffer from mental illnesses more than any other demographic (which, by the way, I don’t totally buy into), well, this is one of the situations that can add to one’s mental stresses. I want to bring into the light something I think I said yesterday while scribbling, that actually having the sex is, by comparison, easier to deal with than sorting out all the stuff that’s going on inside one’s head and most of those things are negative emotional contexts, like fear, disillusionment, frustration, and desperation.

And while one can learn to get past these things, the strength of their desire – and it being one of the more stronger emotional states – can make a guy impatient and get them talking to themselves:  “I know I want to do this; I know I can do it… so why the hell can’t I make it happen (or why isn’t it happening)?”  When guys have asked me this question, I can only shrug unknowingly because chances are good that I don’t know everything they’ve tried to do and if I happened to know that information, wow, man, sounds like you’ve been following your plan to the letter so I really don’t know what’s going on here except to say that, sometimes, shit never works out the way we want it to.

Sometimes, you just gotta say, “Fuck it…” and just do it, kinda like throwing caution to the wind but, nah, not really because most men who are at this point aren’t about to take this step because they don’t know what they’re about to get themselves into; if anything, what they don’t know is how it’s all gonna play out but, then again, who really does?  In this, there’s the way you’d like things to happen and, as you’ve already guessed, there’s how the reality will play out and that might not be the same as what is preferred.

I know that some men, being their own worst enemy, will wind up facing desperation because they’ve let opportunities to dive in go right past them – but not because the timing wasn’t right so much as the opportunity that presented itself wasn’t really the one he had in mind.  When guys have told me this, I’ve asked, “So why didn’t you do it with that guy?  He seemed willing enough, didn’t he?”  And what I’ve heard in response, while not invalid, has made me roll my eyes – and without actually doing it (which hurts just as much as doing it for real).  For instance, one desperate guy turned down an opportunity because the other guy didn’t have ten inches of dick to be sucked.  One guy told me that he had turned a guy down because the dude wasn’t circumcised, only to find out that one of his boys got with this dude… and the sex was all that and a bag of chips.  Yet another guy was on the verge of a desperate act because none of the opportunities he passed on included men with six-pack abs and GQ-model looks.  Hell and damnation, one guy told me that he passed on an opportunity he came across on his way to meet with me… because the guy was shorter than he was.

Yeah, if you’re kinda chuckling to yourself, so was I.

If a guy is feeling the weight of desperation on his neck, instead of suffering through the pressures of being desperate, he should chill for a moment and think about how he wound up being desperate in the first place and more so if he discovers that he’s spent more time turning down opportunities than he has considering them and by that I mean figuring out how to make that opportunity work for him.  It’s actually kind of rare that a guy can live in a locale that is totally bereft of men who enjoy sex with other men; chances are such men are deeply ensconced underground and out of plain sight… but they’re there just the same, maybe not in amazing numbers but The Closet is rather deep.  When desperation rolls up on a guy driving a decrepit 1948 Studebaker and wants to give him a ride, well, um, don’t accept the ride; instead, take a moment to review things and see if there’s anything that can be adjusted or changed because if there’s something desperation doesn’t like, it’s a positive attitude and hope.

I’ve talked to guys who have succumbed to desperation and, after the fact, they’re feeling some kind of way because, usually, they did what they wanted to do but not under the conditions he wanted to or even the type of guy he wanted to do it with.  Because I learned that an ideal situation is nice, not every situation is going to be ideal and I’ve said to these men, “Okay, I get that… but you did it, didn’t you?” and they’ve said (wait for it), “Yeah, but…”  They’ve gone on to say that what they did wasn’t bad… it just wasn’t in accordance with their ideal situation or, usually, their ideal person.  I’ve said to these guys – and before they start to worry themselves sick about it – that perhaps they could feel a different way if they focused on the pleasures of the act more than the person performing the act?  Yeah… that usually gets into a discussion about attraction and chemistry but as I had asked the guy who turned down that opportunity because of a height difference, “What difference does it really make if the dude was shorter than you?  He wanted to 69 with you, that’s exactly what you’ve been saying you wanted to do… but you let the fact that homey was a couple of inches shorter than you are put you on the verge of committing and act of desperation?  How in the hell does that make any real sense?”

I saw, once again, how logic never seems to fare well against emotions because he predictably said, “Yeah, you’re right, man, it doesn’t make sense… but.”

But what?  Just like with disillusionment, the moment you start putting a slew of conditions on something, you’re pretty much cementing the fact that you’re gonna fail.  If there’s a trick to avoiding desperation, it’s in reducing the number of conditional things that’s been put in place.  It sounds crazy but, ideally, you want to make it easier to get laid like this, not harder – but when you get all conditional about it, well, if you’re beginning to feel frustrated, disillusioned, and/or desperate, it’s not the environment that’s the source of these messed up feelings.  We’re not fans of failure… but if we never fail, then we never learn what it’s like to succeed.  Sometimes, we find it necessary to abandon the original plan and activate Plan B and even subsequent plans in order to keep desperation at bay and, yeah, sometimes, ya just gotta say, “Fuck it…” and get it done and then make it a point to enjoy it.

 
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Posted by on 6 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Disillusionment

I took a quick trip to the bi guy forum to see if anyone was saying anything interesting and came across a post written by a guy who shared his first bareback experience with the membership.  But this isn’t about that guy; it’s about the comments given; some members congratulated the post’s author on this accomplishment, one guy brought up the usual concerns about the potential for STDs, but many more commented that they’ve wanted to try being barebacked, can’t find the right guy for any sex at all, and similar comments.

The comments got me thinking – and not for the first time – of the sheer sense of disillusionment many men (and probably women as well) feel when they’ve decided they want to straddle the fence and see if there’s any difference between the grasses… and it just can’t seem to happen for them.  Men who are married, well, any disillusionment they may feel is understandable; kinda hard to go play with another guy without shattering your vows to your wife and, yes, in case you may have forgotten, guys in a relationship but not married are subject to this same source of disillusionment.

But it’s the unattached guys who, for many reasons, wind up being unable to pull the trigger and convert their fantasies and dreams into hot, steamy reality.  I saw the title of a post – but didn’t read it – where the who wrote it entitled it along the lines of, “I might as well just give up trying…” and such sentiments always makes me wonder what are the things that keep someone from doing what they want and need to do and how failing to resolve whatever’s holding them back leads to being disillusioned.  Other than being married, the number one reason seems to be not being able to find the right guy, followed by a disdain for casual sex, followed by what I can only call a fear of disease and, yes, many men wind up being disillusioned because they fear that once they lie down with another guy, the whole world’s gonna find out he did it before he even gets his clothes back on.

When I’ve talked to guys about being disillusioned, I can encourage them not to give up until I turn blue in the face but I’ve found that once a person winds up with disillusionment draped over them like a wet, moldy blanket, no amount of encouragement is going to change their minds once they feel they’re pursuing a lost cause.  I know they feel as if there’s some great conspiracy taking place to prevent them from taking the plunge… but I’ve found in most cases that if there’s a conspiracy, they’re essentially conspiring against themselves; I’ve seen a few guys actually go out of their way to thwart their plans to experience another man and I asked one guy why he was making up shit to ensure he was never gonna get some dick.

“You know, I just find it peculiar that you’re telling me how much you want to do something with another guy but you keep throwing a box of wrenches into the works of your own machine,” I pointed out to him.

“I just know I gotta give up trying to find someone I can do this with,” he said, looking as if someone had stolen his lunch money.  “Every time I think I can, something always happens or something I didn’t think about before crops up!”

I had asked him to list some of those things that cropped up and one of them was along the lines of he was gonna meet this dude for sex but just before he was about to walk out the door, a telemarketer called and wanted to sell him something.  Yeah, if that has gotten your eyes rolling like crazy, you can imagine how mine were rolling when he said it.  I don’t know if he ever pulled the trigger or not but, clearly, that guy was just making up excuses to keep himself from doing something he insisted had to be done… and I’m not sure how that makes any sense except, um, maybe he really didn’t want to do is as badly as he thought?  I dunno…

So how does one go about not being disillusioned in this?  One, never say never because unless you’re clairvoyant, I’m pretty sure you have no idea what the future holds.  After asking about and listening to the standards some men have, wow, it’s no wonder you can’t find someone to do it with and while it’s okay to have preferences, if you set the bar too high, um, guess what’s not gonna happen?  If a guy has issues with casual sex, well, damn, unless you can change your point of view about this, disillusionment is going to pay you a visit.  Guys get disillusioned in this because they’ll run across another man who seems perfect for his needs – but then discover that “Mr. Perfect” wants more than just to have sex.  Or, gasp, they think that they might fall for a guy and being emotionally involved with another man just isn’t on their list of things to do.  It makes me write, once again, that you can’t do anything about the way you feel – you can only do something about how you might act on those feelings… and you sure as hell can’t control what someone else is feeling, can you?  This is one of the occupational hazards involved and while it’s something that can be avoided, there’s also a good chance that the law of averages will eventually catch up with you and, of course, there’s Mr. Murphy to consider:  He’s likely to toss an emotional entanglement your way and simply because you’re trying to avoid one.

Sigh.  I see these men write about how badly they want to experience sex with another man so badly and see what they write about how and why they’ve not managed to accomplish this and with the exception of guys already hooked up in a relationship, it doesn’t seem to me that their reasons for not playing with a dick are insurmountable like, can’t find the right guy?  Maybe they need to redefine what or who “the right guy” can be.  I’m not saying or suggesting that they don’t have a right to want what they want and in the exact way they want it but if they stick to this and then become disillusioned, well, isn’t that their fault for not being more flexible?

And what I’ve found, when I talk to guys about why they can’t get going with this and how disillusioned they are, is that logically, they can understand how, say, holding out for a specific kind of guy is a sure way to not get that experience they want… and they say, “Yeah, but…” – or you explain to them how they can get busy and minimize their exposure to something nasty, ask them if they understand it (not that any of it is that hard to understand) – and they say, “Yeah, but…;” when you start putting a lot of conditions into a situation, yeah, you’re pretty much giving disillusionment an engraved invitation to come and totally fuck up your wet dreams…

 
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Posted by on 6 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Same Old Shite…

Cityman sent me a link to an article about guys who are acting like Frank Ocean (whoever he is) and, apparently, are in denial over really being homosexual and not so much bisexual.  The author of the article went on to start spewing what I call “the usual bullshit” and trying to sound as if he knows for a fact that all bisexual men use bisexuality as a stepping stone to homosexuality, that these men hate labels and, um, just because he slept with them, that’s somehow definitive proof of their homosexuality.  He adds some “changed names” conversations that, taken at face value, could be spun up in various ways to make the author’s point he alluded to in the beginning of his article.

I feel a rant coming on… and y’all can blame Cityman for it.

Is bisexuality like a gateway to homosexuality?  Yes, it is for some people and, in particular, those folks who are very much up in the air about their sexuality and trying to find their place.  I don’t find it unusual (but it is annoying) that in 2017 there are still homosexuals out there who keep insisting that bisexuals aren’t really bisexuals and that all of us should stop faking the funk and admit that we’re gay – and I mention this particular thing because for me, this mindset isn’t as recent as you might think since I’ve been hearing this all along.

Do bisexuals dislike being labeled as bisexual?  Yep, many do and because they feel that the word is too limiting, doesn’t accurately reflect their thoughts and feelings about sexuality, stuff like that.  Yes, I’ve seen some label haters write about why they wouldn’t use the word to describe their thoughts, feelings, and even actions… but they’re not hating on the word because they’re really homosexual because if they were truly homosexual, I’m sure they’d find a way to avoid using that label and come up with a clever way to state their homosexuality.

When the author asked this one guy he “interviewed” about why he sleeps with men and women, the guy told him, “I just like to fuck…” and the author, along with some other person, got offended by this statement.  So, is it true that some bisexuals are bisexual because they like to fuck?  Um, yeah, it’s true, just like it’s true that some bisexuals just do not want to be bothered with same-sex emotional issues.  It seemed to me that the author felt and believed that if you’re supposedly bisexual and you can feel love for the opposite sex, then you should feel the same for the same sex.  Not that this can’t happen – it just doesn’t happen by some kind of default.  The author felt that this man’s statement was some kind of indication that he was really avoiding having to confess his homosexuality by saying, “I just like to fuck…” and while one could spin this statement that way, chances are good that the man he was talking to meant exactly what he said.

“Hearts, not parts” is a noble sentiment but not wholly realistic.  Yes, some bisexuals care about hearts and if that’s what works for them, cool… doesn’t mean they’re hiding their desire to be homosexual.  It also seemed to me that the author totally discounted how some folks can be about sex, i.e., sex doesn’t have much meaning to them if there isn’t a level of affection in place or, as I was told growing up, never have sex with anyone you’re not in love with.  “Hearts, not parts” is really a statement about and even against casual sex and, yes, while folks know it can be done “just because,” casual sex doesn’t really fit in their standard operating procedures.  This particular sentiment isn’t just about sexuality – we’ve always had a thing against casual sex and, indeed, religion preaches about the sin of fornication, doesn’t it?  If a married woman is banging her man three times a day, every day, well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be… but if an unmarried woman is doing the exact same thing, well, she’s a whore, a slut, and just plain old wrong.  If a man is laying the pipe to his woman like there’s no tomorrow, yup, he’s doing the right thing but if he’s unmarried (other otherwise unattached) and he’s banging every woman he can get into, well, he’s a low-down dirty dog, isn’t he, because the only “proper” sex is relationship sex, right?

Then there’s this:  Back in the beginning of his writing, he makes the statement that all bisexuals are really homosexual and, right off the bat, I know he’s wrong because I know that I’m not really homosexual and I have a truckload of reasons why I wouldn’t want to be all homosexual all of the time.  It stands to reason that I’m not the only bisexual who shares this sentiment so, yeah, this is more bullshit written by a homosexual who has a dislike for bisexuals and, even as Cityman once said, that’s because bisexuals undermine the homosexual agenda something fierce.  Things like “straight privilege” and even the word “biphobia” were first coined by homosexuals who have reason to not like bisexuals and for all the well-known reasons why some (not all) homosexuals don’t like bisexuals.

Is it true that some bisexuals worry about really being gay?  Yes, it is and not because being gay is that bad of a thing… but they’re thinking about the angst that still exists about homosexuality; calling someone who’s straight or bisexual “gay” or a “faggot” – and they know they aren’t either thing – is still considered to be offensive and, wow, I’ve seen some epic violence jump off so, yeah, it’s a point of concern for newbie bisexuals and even I had a moment when I wondered if I were really gay so, nah, that this thought will cross a bisexual’s mind isn’t what I’d call unusual.  What should be kinda/sorta obvious is that if a straight person goes to being bisexual and stops right there, um, it’s because they’ve figured out that being bisexual is what works for them.

Duh.

The one glaring thing I’ve seen in such writings is that the people who write this stuff seem to only look at what someone does… but doesn’t bother with why they’re doing whatever they might be doing.  So, yeah, there are some homosexuals who hold true to “actions speak louder than words” and that’s really the wrong way to look at sexuality issues because without the words that describes why “Alice” is sleeping with both men and women, it’s way too easy to take her actions out of context by saying, “Well, she sleeps with women so she must be gay!”  The truth is that the only homosexual thing “Alice” is doing is sleeping with a woman and the fact that she’s also sleeping with men just gets glossed over and dismissed as if this has no importance… and I’d have to guess that if you’re homosexual and you have reason to take issue with bisexuals, ignoring this fact only serves to make your case.

And they say we’re in denial about some stuff?  Please…

Our history as a species is rife with cat fights over sex and sexuality; there are heterosexuals who fervently believe that this is the only way to be and homosexuals who have the same fervent belief and, sure enough, along comes these damned bisexuals who, by their actions alone, throws a wrench into the works and serves to debunk the ideals of the other two “camps.”  We’ve always believed that if you’re not straight, then you must be gay… and that was never true but this mindset gives you an interesting insight of how narrow-minded humans can be and a penchant to always think in absolutes, like, the glass is either half full or half empty but not paying much attention to the fact that there’s still something in the glass to begin with.  It sadly highlights another of our not-so-good points, that being, if you’re not like us, you’re against us.  It’s not really unusual that there are some homosexuals who feel this way – they are human, after all.  Here’s one more thing that speaks to the hypocrisy some (but not all) homosexuals display:  You give us shit about not being wholly like you, point out every little nitpicking thing you don’t like about us but, ah, some of you don’t seem to have a problem with us when we choose to go to bed with you.

A gay man I had sex with said to me, after the fact, that I should stop wasting my time with women and come over to his side (not like I’d not heard this one before) and I gave him a deadpan look (and that wasn’t easy because I wanted to laugh and that would have been rude) and said, “The women I have sex with don’t think I’m wasting my time…”  As I got dressed, he was stomping around the room (naked) and telling me everything he thought was fucked up about bisexuals and as he did so, I was thinking that it was a good thing he wasn’t talking to the younger version of myself, you know, the version who would take offense to such a dialog.  He continued to rant and rave; I was a greedy, confused, and conflicted motherfucker and a shitty person to boot.

“You didn’t say that five minutes ago, did you?” was the only thing I said… and I wish you could have seen the look on his face after I said it.

Rant over.

PS:  Now, one could say that when I write about being bisexual, I’m encouraging folks to be bisexual… and you’d be quite wrong about that.  Being bisexual works for me but does not mean it works for everyone and, honestly, I’d be pretty stupid if I believed that it would work for everyone which is why there are times when I write about this, you’ll see me write something like, “Um, if you can’t do it, don’t do it!”  It’s why when some folks ask me if they should give bisexuality a try, I’ll ask them, “Why?” and then say, “You could if you wanted to, but…” then tell them why straddling the fence might not be a good thing for them to do.  That’s because I know that not everyone has what it takes to be bisexual, that being bisexual calls for rearranging a whole lot of things in your life and that it’s really not easy to rearrange those things.  Like I told Cityman during a conversation we had a few days ago, having the sex is easy; dealing with the ramifications and consequences is anything but easy by comparison and, no, having the sex isn’t really all that easy either.

 
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Posted by on 4 April 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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