Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Bisexual Cheating"

It’s one of the many things said about bisexuals right along with all the other stuff that’s said and it has always been implied that if one is bisexual, they’ve just become a serial cheater and putting three strikes on them instantly if the bisexual is male.

What gets overlooked – and because we can just do shit like this – is the fact that cheating isn’t owned by bisexuals – anyone can cheat if/when they have reason to. Of course, we look at this lack of fidelity with a very, very dim view and we insist that it should never happen for any reason which, in theory, is all well and good and perhaps a very worthy goal… but is kinda unrealistic when you – or if you – can take into consideration that anyone can come up with a reason why they should cheat at any time and even if they don’t do it, um, they thought about it. Now, I’d not say that makes them guilty of anything but a lot of other people would be of a mind that if someone thought about it, that means they’re gonna do it.

Our morality is a piece of work. Of the Ten Commandments, number seven is, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and I have always wondered how the word “adultery” came to be and why it’s on that list of ten things that we are never supposed to do. The “easiest” explanation is that God most certainly knew what adultery was and wrote down not to commit it and had Moses pass it one with the other nine commandments but one of the things I came to understand that some rules exist to prevent known stuff; like, you put in rules to prevent stealing because you know people are stealing left and right.

We get into the marriage vows where those who marry – and before God and company – swear to keep only unto themselves and to let no man put asunder which also includes not letting no woman do any sundering and this fits right into the seventh commandment and, to some extent – and depending on interpretation, the tenth commandment about not coveting anything that your neighbor might have – thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife is part of the tenth.

Must be something to this if it was actually mentioned twice, huh? So, okay, we’re not supposed to commit adultery or doing any coveting of the other guy’s wife… and these rules exist because, um, yeah – we were known to do this and something had to be done about it.

Any many of us follow and obey a set of rules that were laid down in the BC days of our existence and it has always been assumed that everyone will obey without question or exception… or else. Some have said that these rules were actually designed by man, tagged with the “God said this” label, and for the purpose of controlling everyone’s behavior and pretty much making people do shit the way they wanted it done without having to explain why it had to be this way other than “God said so.”

Except that’s not how people behave, is it? We’re supposed to be faithful by rule and by deed of action and behavior… doesn’t really work the way it’s supposed to because, gasp, people do cheat and bisexuals are the worst cheaters ever born, you know, on top of the fact that they like gaining carnal knowledge of both men and women, the nasty heathens.

But not all bisexuals cheat and it’s a fact that gets ignored because it’s just easier to say that all bisexuals cheat – who wants to be bothered with the details? Indeed, not everyone in a relationship is of a mind to cheat but no one wants to say much about the fact that the potential for infidelity isn’t in place but, then again, maybe they do since you can be called a cheater for just thinking about it and then there’s emotional infidelity; ya might not be thinking about getting jiggy with someone but you’re in love with them in some way and a cheater because you’re only supposed to be in love with the person you’re in a relationship with.

Except… that’s not how people work, is it? It’s one of the things that confuses the shit out of someone when they become aware of their feelings – sexual or otherwise – for someone else because that’s not supposed to happen and because some really dead people said it’s not to supposed to. Doesn’t mean that a bisexual (or anyone else for that matter) is going to do a Jekyll and Hyde and become a serial cheater but a lot of stuff has been published by subject matter experts that, for one, being monogamous is unnatural for us and as such a social species and, well, some people just can’t be monogamous despite their best efforts.

I’ve said time and time again that the worst situation on the planet is to be bisexual and married and, yeah, being bisexual and being in a relationship but not married – we’ve roped up all those people who are biblically fornicating (a sin, by the way) and lumped into the same rules married people are mandated to follow – just without lawyers getting involved in most cases. Being monogamous is a commitment, a purpose, the epitome of being able to be and stay in a relationship for better or worse… except we, as a species, still doesn’t quite work like that and as mandated.

We worry ourselves sick over the possibility of being cheated on and there’s probably not very many people alive today who doesn’t know what this feels like. We will, more often than not, go to great lengths and do everything within our abilities to not be cheated on and, I think, sometimes without really thinking about some of those things laying the groundwork for the one thing you don’t want to happen… to happen.

I read something a long time ago that says the tighter you try to hold onto something, the easier it is for it to slip from your grasp. So, depending on your point of view, if you never want to be cheated on, um, don’t ever get into anything that remotely looks like a relationship. But if you do, the potential is now implied and sexuality, while potentially a reason, isn’t always the impetus for infidelity to occur.

All it takes is for wants, needs, and desires to be ignored or unfulfilled by the person who, theoretically, is supposed to take care of all those things and even any that might show up somewhere down the road, you know, like you have to be able to see into the future and somehow anticipate every single need, want, and desire your partner could ever think of. Sounds impossible? That’s because it is yet this is exactly what is demanded and expected of anyone who gets into a relationship.

How does one get around this? By “insisting” that you not ever want anything other than what your partner is willing or able to provide and now it gets really crazy because a whole lot of people believe and hold true that if you’re in a relationship with us – married or otherwise – we are all you are ever going to need… and as if wanting anything else just isn’t supposed to happen and I do mean anything.

Cheating. Okay, I was having a discussion with a woman one time and we were talking about cheating and I asked her, “If I were your man and you just decided to stop being intimate with me, who’s supposed to provide me with the intimacy I need?”

Her answer? “No one is.” I said to her, “Okay, if that’s the case, why would you be surprised that your man would cheat on you since you’re not gonna do whatever when, supposedly, it’s your “job” or “responsibility” to do this even if it’s only implied?”

She fired right back, “I don’t have to if I don’t want to!” and I allowed that this is true… and said that if she was still wondering why a guy would cheat on her, well, hmm, could that be a reason? She said it wasn’t… and I want all of you to think about that.

Any time that a person’s wants, needs, and desires are not being taken care of and as they expect them to be, the potential for infidelity – cheating – to show up is now in play. We always want to know how we can keep someone from cheating on us and the answer is, actually, a simple one: Don’t deprive your partner of whatever it might be that they want, need, and desire and to the best of your ability… and while a lot of people actually do their best in this… but not everyone is willing to do that, are they?

They don’t have to if they don’t want to, right? So relationships that has a resident bisexual isn’t going to have an easy time with their sexuality because it’s not very damned likely that their partner is going to “allow” them to explore their needs and desires because the rules of monogamy says they can’t. So bisexuals do find themselves in a stick situation and with some choices to make: Either do nothing about their wants, needs, and desires… or take matters into their own hands because it’s really the only other choice they have other than leaving the relationship which is expected and required in this situation… even if leaving the relationship is a worst-case scenario.

Yes… there is ethical or negotiated infidelity – breaking all the rules and both people agree to break the shit out of them… but how many people are willing to even think about this in order to preserve a relationship and, really, not get cheated on? Not very many and even when, intelligently, it just might make sense to, let’s say, modify the rules of engagement albeit in ways that will most certainly get other people to look at the two of you as if you’ve lost your ever-loving minds.

I’ve said it time and time again: Your relationship is only going to be as good as the two of you are willing to make it and, sexuality not withstanding, eh, not everyone is willing to do this… because they don’t have to if they don’t want to and they’re so totally against something like this that they would rather throw away a good relationship.

And you gotta wonder if this makes a whole lot of sense… and a lot of people are beginning to question the sense in this since life seems to be better when you can share it with someone.

Bisexuals aren’t the only demographic group that cheats – it’s just the one that’ll get a whole lot of attention because, as we all know, bisexuals are just greedy motherfuckers who are always wanting more than what they already have, right? Okay… but what if what they already have isn’t enough? Sucks to be them, doesn’t it? If “Karen” – and for any reason that makes sense to her – needs the touch, comfort and succor that only another woman can provide, well, guess what? The guy she’s with isn’t a woman although, hmm, that’s also possible but I’m not talking about that one. She’s with a man… and that’s all she’s ever supposed to want and need.

Except… people don’t work like that. We try to work like that and, yeah, sometimes, we fail because those rules are and were designed to suppress certain behaviors in us and, at the time, for what was a good reason but, these days, a reason that no longer exists or isn’t as crucial as it once was.

Sigh. It’s one hell of a social clusterfuck, ain’t it? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I just get sick and tired of hearing about bisexuals being serial cheaters when I know that we aren’t the only ones who can have reason to cheat and that reason might not make sense to anyone but the person who feels that their only recourse is to invoke infidelity and the unnegotiated kind. Many feel that it is still better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission… because asking for and getting that permission just cannot should not ever be done.

Except, a lot of people are changing their minds about that because it doesn’t make sense for them to throw away a good relationship when they don’t have to; some are changing their minds because, believe it or not, some “infidelity” is actually a good thing for them to experience because it allows personal growth in a great many areas and I’m not just talking about things sexual; sometimes, just being able to revel in one’s thoughts without getting their head handed to them just works.

We need to rethink this cheating thing. We’ve been of a mind that you’re either monogamous or you aren’t but today? People are figuring out ways to be both and are able to find the level of happiness that keeps them together rather than to pull them apart. Don’t want your partner to cheat on you? Don’t give them a reason to but threats and ultimatums might not be the way to achieve this – we’ve always taken this route and it’s not really all that effective. Dealing with a resident bisexual and you ain’t feeling that? Understand that their being bisexual is about them and not so much about you… unless you’re the one who had them turn to the bi side (and who’s gonna admit that they actually made their partner cheat on them?).

We need to reinvent what it means to be in a relationship so that cheating can be eradicated; the sad part is not everyone is of a mind to work toward this because they believe in the “old ways” and nothing is going to change their mind and, yeah, that’s about the time they get cheated on or find themselves looking for another relationship because they’ve failed to do everything in their power to take care of their partner’s wants, needs, and desires… and because they don’t have to if they don’t want to.

Some seriously fucked up shit… and it’s not just a bisexual problem.

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Posted by on 1 February 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Why We Don't All Come Out

I was sitting in an airport bar, a diversion to keep myself occupied due to a long layover, when four, um, flamboyantly gay men entered the bar, talking loud and all that; there were two men sitting to my left who obviously witnessed this… explosive entrance and they immediately launched into a pretty vicious conversation about “all these faggots fucking everything up.”

I sat there sipping on my drink and was kinda numb to the shit I was hearing because it’s not the first time I’ve heard such sentiments but the thing that made this instance even more pointed was that before those gay men burst into the bar, the two guys were talking about some issues they were having with their respective mistresses.

The four gay men disappeared into the back of the bar, out of sight if not totally out of hearing and if you didn’t know that four men just walked into a bar, you’d think that four women did with all the giggling and exclamations of, “Girl, let me tell you…!” and those two guys sitting to my left were going on and on about how homosexuals were ruining our way of life and other such nonsense including how they’d have to be way beyond desperate for sex for them to even think about sleeping with another man.

I remember thinking that it’s this mindset that once drove homosexuals underground and that this very same mindset keeps many a bisexual underground, off the social radar, peeking out at the world from the relative safety of their personalized closet.

There aren’t too many things that’ll ruin your day than to have someone read you the riot act about not being straight. I’ve been called a freak, heathen, been told my parents didn’t raise me right and that I need Jesus in my life right along with being bombarded by a slew of questions about why I’m a switch-hitter and what could I possibly get out of batting for both teams. Along the way, I’ve lost a lot of what used to be good friends and all because I don’t have sex the way they do and, of course, like I’m supposed to.

I’ve had women go batshit crazy over the fact that I know about dick like they do; I’ve had them actually try to “cure” me of my affliction; one woman actually took a swing at me (which missed) because she was so offended by my sexuality while accusing me of sleeping with men behind her back which, um, wasn’t true but I’m just reporting the facts of the matter. And in every case, until this came to light, everything was alright in their world.

I’ve witnessed some pretty vicious arguments over sexuality and particularly bisexuality; I’ve seen marriages suddenly end, seen relationships that, again, prior to this disclosure were “perfect” but now since there’s a bisexual in the mix, bye-bye relationship. I’ve heard parents giving their bisexual children all kinds of holy hell for not being straight, wringing their hands and all that and wondering how they failed to raise their “faggot or bull dyke child” in the right and proper way.

There haven’t been too many days in my life where I’ve not heard or read all the bullshit being said or written about bisexuality right along with all the misconceptions and stereotypes and it always makes me wonder why it is that we’re not smarter than we like to say we are. It makes me wonder how we can be so enlightened and civilized when, for one, we can’t seem to be able to differentiate between a homosexual and a bisexual and why we continue to beat folks who aren’t straight with all that Old Testament stuff and, in some places in the world, get this great urge to pick up some rocks so someone can be stoned to death and as religion mandates.

And people wonder why bisexuals aren’t coming out in droves? Why many of us choose to fly under the social radars and often try to exist on the down-low? I find it… odd that we can hear about someone cheating on their partner but if they have what can be accepted as a “good reason,” well, at the worse, they get a slap on the wrist and someone gets reminded that if you can’t take care of your man/woman, someone else can and will.

We can hear about those sex fiends aka swingers, people who have taken the rules of monogamy and flushed them down the drain in favor of their very hedonistic need for sex… but, sure, okay, at least they’re playing it straight, aren’t they? Well, not all of the time but I have the advantage of knowing this via experience but society doesn’t frown on people being in alternative relationships as much as they do about anyone who isn’t as straight as they appear or are supposed to be.

Years after the landmark decision that allowed homosexuals to marry just like everyone else can, I’m still hearing people riffing about it, about how immoral and unholy it is for same-sex people to marry and to become parents – and automatically assuming that any children will be traumatized because their parents aren’t male and female and will, themselves, one day become sexual deviants.

It’s the year 2020… and when it comes to things sexuality related, we aren’t behaving any better than we did in the year 20 AD and that should tell you something about why – today – bisexuals are not of a mind to let everyone know that they’re bisexual.

I sit and read the debates about coming out on the bisexual forum and it often amazes me to read guys (in particular) who are bisexual but not out to anyone insisting that the membership come out to partners, friends, family, etc.. I sit and read how they feel about not telling the wife or girlfriend who would most certainly take a guy to the cleaners and leave him emotionally broken and maybe even destitute is the worst thing ever and that for her sake, the guy should tell her something that would not only fuck up his life but will most certainly fuck up her life as well.

Yeah, sure… that’s the thing that should be done. I’ll ask you to keep in mind that this isn’t about bisexuals getting out there and doing the deed – this is just about confessing one’s bisexuality… to members of society who just might not be all that receptive to hearing about this. Are “all bisexuals” clinically depressed? If this is true – and it isn’t, by the way – the easiest explanation for this is that bisexuals pretty much know how coming out to someone is going to fuck up some shit that they’d prefer not to be fucked up and, as such, it will fuck with their minds. Indeed, many bisexuals “make themselves crazy” thinking about whether to come out or not and while a lot of bisexuals come out and, wow, don’t get their heads handed to them, this is still a minority group of fortunate individuals.

It’s a pretty sad state of affairs, don’t you think? Perhaps many of you reading this just might be saying to yourself that you’re not sure what all the fuss is about or wondering why any of this makes any real difference or even that bisexuality running around all over the place and living their lives just like everyone else does is just the way they’ve decided to live their lives and not that big of a deal, looking at it from a high level of thought.

Maybe there are some bisexuals reading this and they’ve been living under the specter of coming out or being outed and, of course, any such persons are very much aware of what I’m talking about. They know about that very strange and inexplicable compulsion to tell people they know that, hey, I’m bisexual while also understanding that doing so might not be the best or smartest thing they’ve ever done. It’s not that they have any real problems being bisexual… but telling someone else is a very serious problem and the scariest thing about this is that you will inevitably find out that the person you thought you knew – and could trust – isn’t the person you should have said anything to about this.

It makes racial prejudice look like a mild disagreement by comparison. Once upon a time, the worse person ever born was a homosexual; today, that “honor” goes to anyone who is bisexual. We ooh and aah whenever the media reports that for the first time ever, an openly bisexual woman is vying to become Miss America and, I think, the key word here is “openly” since, um, it’s not easy to identify bisexuals since they tend to do their best to stay off the social radar. If nothing else, it’s an indication that things are continuing to change and that even the Miss America contest is being more… open-minded about the qualities needed to be the “best and most perfect woman in America” and in every aspect that means.

And recognizing that this woman just might be bisexual. There is a lot of progress being made toward acceptance of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation… but not nearly enough for bisexuals around the world to come out and declare themselves to anyone who wants to know. I recently wrote about redefining what it means to be “in the closet” and how, perhaps, we should stop looking at this as some dark, awful place to be when, in fact, we tend to be very private about a lot of things about ourselves and sexuality notwithstanding and, historically, we’ve always been very private about how we have sex, when we do, why we do and who we do it with. I’ve always thought it’s pretty fucked up that you sometimes can’t even have a conversation about sex with the person you’re having sex with so when it comes to being closeted, we’re all pretty much guilty of being in the closet and much more than bisexuals are.

Anyone want to talk about that affair they had that no one else knows about? No? I didn’t think so… and welcome to the closet and the sense of panic that comes with the possibility of someone learning something about you that you’d rather they didn’t know. If you’d not be of a mind to tell people about this, perhaps you can understand why bisexuals aren’t of a mind to say anything about it.

You just gotta wonder how it is that we can keep being like this, why we let something like this polarize and divide us and more so when we good and damned well know that people not only have sex, they don’t always have it in the prescribed and mandated way and, yeah – this is just how humans have always been.

Don’t get me started on those folks who learned that you never say never; they, too, tend to find out that, first, they were wrong about there not being a reason or situation that would find them in a same-sex situation, they find out what it’s like to not be of a mind to tell a whole lot of people that they did.

We can get all into that being dishonest and even dishonorable stuff because we value truth over everything else even though we also know that we can’t always handle the truth… but we don’t like it when people keep things from us… but every last one of us has some things about ourselves that we wouldn’t tell anyone under pain of death. Are they lies of omission? I guess you could call it that but the real-deal thing is that whatever it is about us that we don’t want anyone else to know about isn’t any of their damned business… because we value our privacy over truth and the implied full disclosure of self to our peer groups or, really, anyone else for that matter.

A lot of proponents of coming out throw down the disease card as the main reason why one’s bisexuality must be disclosed… and that actually does make sense… except for the millions of bisexuals who haven’t had the sex that’s possible yet and the millions more who are just fine and dandy just being intellectually or emotionally bisexual and they have no need to get all same-sex jiggy. You can’t really or justifiably accuse these folks of contributing to the spread of STDs unless, um, they’re out there screwing other people in the heterosexual mode but, of course, we’re not talking about them… and no one is really talking about them so much.

But it’s easier to say that bisexuals are disease vectors, to just lump us all together like that… and still people wonder why bisexuals aren’t coming out as a matter of course? This fear is so virulent that if you listen to the way people are talking about this, it’s a “given” that the moment you tell yourself that you’re bisexual, every STD known to man just suddenly wakes up inside of you. If you’re bisexual, you’re just infected by default even if, again, you’ve never had a same-sex encounter.

Last I heard, you can’t get infected by someone who isn’t infected with anything but what do I know? Are you still wondering why all bisexuals aren’t coming out in droves and like it’s being demanded they do?

And can you see how… silly we are about this? No mistake – the risks are very damned real… but you cannot just assume that if you have sex with a bisexual you’re gonna get infected with something and as a default. This is how we’re behaving and I can tell you it’s a motherfucker to have to contend with when you know you’ve been bisexual for x-amount of time and you’ve never caught or given something bad to someone.

I’ve sat and read and listened to how bisexuals are in denial about a great many things… and I’m wondering if this is the pot calling the kettle black and hypocritically so. I’ve sat, read, and listened to people trying to define what bisexuality is or what it’s supposed to be like and, um, seeing as how I’ve been bisexual pretty much all of my life, I’ve wonder just what in the hell they’re talking about. You can’t be bisexual unless you’re in a same-sex relationship? Hell, you still can’t or are supposed to have sex without being in some kind of a relationship?

Oddly, I’m seeing a lot of bisexuals who are handling their bisexuality according to heteronormative standards who don’t really feel a “great need” to come out to everyone since they’re bypassing casual sex and in favor of at least an FWB kind of thing… so that makes being bi okay… I guess. To this end, the bad boys and girls of the bisexual world are those who just wanna have the sex without any emotional or relational entanglements because it doesn’t suit their plans for their lives to have them.

Do you still wanna know why bisexuals aren’t coming out in droves? It’s not that they’re ashamed of being bisexual – it’s just a thing of who wants to have all of this shit I wrote being used as a stick to beat them with? I know I don’t – been beaten with that stick before and I can assure you that it doesn’t feel good. At best, this is on a need to know basis… and there are some people who don’t need to know. Yes, there is still a risk of getting your head handed to you when you tell someone who needs to know and we’re just not there yet where this cluster fuck and level of honesty can be easily accepted by the person being told.

You just have no idea how… frustrating it is to tell someone who needs to know this and have this disclosure stop being about you and becoming all about them. Those of you who have never had this happen to them, well, you should experience it so you can get an idea of why a lot of bisexuals aren’t of a mind to tell someone that they’re bisexual and, yeah, even I’ve wondered how something about me turned into being something about whoever I was talking to about it.

It’s enough to make you not say anything about it. You kinda get tired of explaining it and having that explanation ignored or, get this, being told that you don’t know what you’re talking about even though you just confessed to being bisexual. Or someone acting like you just killed them and in the most horrible way imaginable and all because you just fucked up their whole view of you and life in general by telling them that you’re bisexual. Or scratching your head to realize that when you say “bisexual,” most people automatically think “homosexual” and just overlooking the obvious fact that bisexuals like the opposite sex stuff as well.

Or how we, on the whole, can kinda/sorta accept that there are a lot of people who aren’t all that straight but they’re not all that gay, either… until it gets personal… and now it’s a world-ending problem.

No wonder bisexuals aren’t of a mind to scream to the whole world that they’re bisexual because here in 2020, we still haven’t learned to deal with the truth of things.

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Posted by on 26 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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KDaddy's General Observations: Political Animals

I rarely get involved in political discussions. I’m a life-long registered Democrat and have not missed a chance to do my civic duty and vote and, yeah, sometimes, the best candidate – in my mind – is sometimes a Republican, not because of their party affiliation but they have the best “credentials” for the job at hand.

I was checking Facebook last night and my feed is overflowing with discussions about Trump’s impeachment… and some of the stuff I saw was pretty vicious and I’ve seen a side of some of those Facebook friends I actually know that, wow, I mean, who knew that they could go from being really cool to rabid, foaming at the mouth, political animals?

Okay, this is what I know: Presidents of the United States often do some shit they shouldn’t do or, at the very least, is legally questionable. Famously – or, rather, infamously – Bill Clinton got impeached for getting his dick sucked by someone who wasn’t his wife. He didn’t get removed from office but, okay, Congress felt he did something wrong enough to be impeached.

The system, believe it or not, worked the way it’s supposed to. Enter Donald Trump…

You know, I thought that the second George Bush to sit in the Oval Office was one of the “worst” presidents ever and, well, my mind has been changed about that one given how our current president has been behaving and in light of the things he’s being accused of doing that Congress has deemed to be illegal and, hmm, for only the third time in our history, a sitting POTUS has been impeached and is facing removal from office.

Not going to be impeached – has been impeached. Republicans are having the expected hissy fit and pointing the finger at Democrats and saying all kinds of shit – but there’s nothing really new about this factional in-fighting, is there? Those really rabid and foaming at the mouth Republicans that are, wow, friends of mine on Facebook are losing their minds, flinging shit at Democrats and standing by someone who, according to Congress and, specifically, the House of Representatives, has fucked up big time and has been called onto the carpet.

They impeached him – the system continues to work the way it was designed to. The House is a mixture of political parties although, okay, sure – the Speaker of the House is a Democrat and a much despised one but as a body, they voted to impeach the president. Now the Senate has the duty to put him on trial and, holy shit… the Republicans, who apparently control the Senate, are doing everything they can to throw wrenches in the proceedings which, I guess, makes sense given that the president – who has been impeached – is a fellow Republican. Evidence is being excluded, potential witnesses being bullied, all sorts of not-so-cool shit and, oh, yeah, this president is on social media and behaving in ways that reminds me of the many hood rats I see on social media – and this is not a good thing seeing the leader of the free world ranting and raving like he’s lost his mind.

One of the foaming at the mouth Republicans on Facebook is someone I know very well and, yeah – I had biblical and very carnal knowledge of her. She is one of the smartest women I’ve ever met as well as one of the most down to earth people I’ve ever met and when I see what she has to say about what’s going on, well, I’m shocked but, then again, not so much because I do happen to know how passionate she can be about things.

It is really something to sit back and watch how people are reacting to these events. Late last year, my mother almost lost her life and had to undergo some very serious surgery to keep her here with us. Her husband, who was understandably upset over what was going on with her, got to ranting and raving over the way the hospital staff was dealing with my mom… and blaming Donald Trump for her plight and that the surgeon in charge of her case was deliberately mishandling her care because, “obviously,” the doctor was following Trump’s orders and, you know, like this doctor – who saved my mother’s life when she should have died – is a Republican and knew my mom is a Democrat and one who had to be “eliminated.”

I’m not kidding about this at all. That my step-father would get to foaming at the mouth in this way – and because Donald Trump is sitting in the Oval Office – just blew me away because, frankly, I’d never seen him behave in this manner. At one point, I asked him what the hell did Donald Trump have to do with Mom’s dissected aorta… and he looked at me like I was the one who didn’t understand Trump’s involvement in this.

Even my protege and friend has been going off the deep end over Trump’s presidency and I’ve seen some foam on his mouth, too… and I’m just dumbfounded over his reactions and to the point that, during his last rant about Trump, I actually told him I didn’t want to hear anymore about it and that’s not something I normally do.

Politics have always brought out the worst sides of people but what’s going on now has me slack-jawed and wondering what the fuck is going on. From the beginning, the Trump presidency has been… suspect and all manners of foul play has been thrown out there and more so since it’s not all that often that someone running for the office gets their ass kicked in the popular vote… but wins the election anyway.

The last time that happened, um, the person who won was a Republican. Sure, some shady shit was suspected and an investigation was kicked off and, okay, yeah, some shady shit seemed to have happened but nothing was done about it and even some proposed reforms in the Electoral College were put on the table but never enacted. Still, President Bush didn’t get called on the carpet before Congress, even when it was proven that he lied to Congress so he could start a war in the Middle East.

Democrats were shitting their pants over that and the Republicans were like, “Nothing to see here – he didn’t do anything wrong!” But what the current president is reported to have done makes what Bush did seem like a traffic violation (although lying to Congress is a very, very bad thing) and, well, yeah – he’s got to answer for it and as our laws say he has to. Republicans are up in arms and claiming that Democrats are just hating on this president who has done so much good for the country and has done nothing wrong or illegal.

I’m thinking that if this was true, hmm, what’s going on right now wouldn’t be going on at all, would it? It’s being reported that no POTUS that has been impeached has been removed from office and some talking head even brought up Richard Nixon who was told to, “Resign or be prosecuted…” and “Tricky Dick” chose to resign rather than to be impeached and removed from office. Why? Because he did some illegal shit and got caught.

Bill Clinton did some… immoral shit and got caught. It’s being bandied about that Barack Obama did some illegal shit, too… except if he did, um, he didn’t get caught doing it and Congress didn’t even start riffing about impeaching him (that I know of).

Mr. Trump? Yep – he allegedly has done some illegal shit that even include obstruction of justice and Congress is doing their job for a change and calling him on the carpet to answer for it. His impeachment is now a foregone conclusion – it’s happened even if the foaming at the mouth Republicans believe it should have never happened. The Senate, controlled by the Republican Party, appears to be cock-blocking like never before. They can’t stop the trial from happening – the law says that since Trump has been impeached, the trial has to happen and it’s already being said that the end result will be that Trump will not be removed from office even if, again, the other two presidents were impeached but not removed.

I’ve never seen such polarizing political behavior before in my life. I’m seeing, again, people I know personally on social media showing me a side of them I wasn’t aware of… and it all makes me wonder what the fuck is going on and kinda worried about the fate of the United States of America since the whole fucking world is watching this debacle.

What do I think? I think the system is working like it’s supposed to and if there is enough evidence for the House of Representatives to impeach a sitting president, yeah, that’s some fucked up shit for this to happen and, yes, I’d say the same thing if the sitting president was a Democrat. Did I think Clinton should have been impeached for getting a blow job? No… but Congress did and he got impeached.

The system worked to perfection. The system is working in this current political cluster fuck, too. The people – and in the form of the House of Representatives – has called for action to be taken against this president and after the expected hemming and hawing and political in-fighting, action was taken. How this turns out is anyone’s guess but I’m just wondering why all the people losing their minds over this just doesn’t settle down and let the system work the way it’s supposed to.

It’s wishful thinking on my part, I know but I sleep easier at night because I trust the system more than I trust either political party so now it’s just a matter of waiting to see what happens next. Will the Senate trial determine that he has to be removed from office or will they, as they’ve done two other times, not remove an impeached president?

News at 11, I guess.


Posted by on 23 January 2020 in KDaddy's General Observations


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Redefining "The Closet"

The closet. That place where those who aren’t overt and/or loud and proud about their sexuality are said to reside, hidden from sight, huddling within a blanket of anonymity and shaking in their boots in fear of any “light” shining into this dark place that might reveal their presence there.

Yet, there are a lot of people who have things about themselves that they’d rather not make “public,” right? Things that, in their minds, is no one’s business but their own? Too much information? Of course there are so it’s not that big of a deal… or you’d think it wouldn’t be.

I’m not even sure of when the term ‘being in the closet’ was born and I’m kinda/sort sure I didn’t hear it until some time in 1980 or thereabouts – and then someone had to explain to me what it meant and, oh, okay – I guess that makes sense and, might I point out that the way it was explained to me was in reference to homosexuals? Made even more sense given how much homosexuals were being shat upon, from being disowned by family and friends to some losing their lives due to suicide and murder.

Still, if there’s something about you that you don’t want anyone to know, you just don’t and won’t tell them and no matter how much they ask you to reveal all of your secrets and, again, everyone is like this. When it comes to sexuality, you kinda wonder why not knowing someone’s sexuality is so much of a problem considering how we’ve always maintained that our sex lives are a very private thing and something never to be shared with others and, sometimes, to the point where you don’t talk about it with the person you’re having sex with.

Nothing unusual going on here, right? You can assume that I’m getting laid and I may neither confirm nor deny that I am… because it isn’t any of your fucking business. I could be wrong but being private about some stuff is akin to be closeted, wouldn’t you agree?

Here’s the “problem” those folks who are trying to get a headcount for bisexuals is running into: Bisexuals, because they look like everyone else, hide in plain sight which, “historically,” if you’re gonna hide something, hiding it right under everyone’s nose is the best place. For those folks who have… issues with anyone who isn’t straight, I’m surprised they aren’t taking huge doses of anti-psychotics since they are literally surrounded by a whole lot of people who’s sexual preferences are unknown to them and that can include anyone within their private circle.

It’s been assumed over all this time that “being in the closet” is a bad thing when, truthfully, I’m not so sure it is or that it should be since, again, we hold true that however you’re getting laid and who you’re getting laid with isn’t anyone else’s business, that and even those bisexuals who aren’t out to everyone on the planet do, in fact, carry on with their lives just like everyone else does and that includes living with some shit about themselves that they’d prefer no one else becomes privy to.

I’ve never understood the often overwhelming urge to tell everyone you know that you’re not as straight as it maybe thought and hoped for – it’s crazily powerful. In some ways, I do “get it” because coming to grips with your bisexuality is pretty liberating all by itself and, I dunno, being set free in this just makes people want to shout it to the mountaintops even though – and thanks to the plight homosexuals have had to deal with over all this time, eh, that might not be a good or smart thing to do.

So you just don’t tell anyone; you keep it under your hat, privatize it, have that internalized battle with that… thing that wants you to reveal your bisexuality, and go on about your business as usual. Over the last several years, there’s been a call and even a demand that all bisexuals come out of their respective closets and be recognized and if you don’t, well, you’re just really all fucked up as a person and even if, by coming out to one and all, the end result is you get your whole life fucked up in the process.

Yeah… that doesn’t sound like a good thing, does it? I’m sure there are a lot of you who are reading this who wouldn’t be of a mind to just walk up to someone you know and just start talking about what happened the last time you got laid and like you’re having a discussion about the weather or some other mundane topic. As a matter of fact, it’s a safe bet you’re having sex in some ways that would, if made public knowledge, be pretty embarrassing.

You probably wouldn’t do this anymore than you’d break out all of your sex toys and put them on display in your living room because if you have them, it’s no one else’s business that you have enough of them to open your own web-based store. Hell, your partner probably knows that you have some toys and they might even know where you keep them which is out of sight.

Or in the closet, as it were and, yeah, that can be very literal, huh?

For bisexuals, the question now should I come out and who do I come out to? Among married bisexuals, the cry is echoing across the land to come out to your spouse and with total and full disclosure and stop being that asshole of a liar and putting their life at risk… and even if you’re not having any of the sex, by the way, and taking a chance of not being married after the lawyers get done with you and to the extent that when the dust settles, you won’t even have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Yeah… let’s not and say we did, okay? I’ve been of a mind – and for the longest time now – that if there’s someone you have to come out to, it’s yourself and anyone else is on a need-to-know basis… and there are just some people who do not need to know and you know why they don’t need to know. Now, we can get all into that being a liar thing because there’s something about yourself that you’re not telling people but, again, doesn’t that make everyone a liar since, again, we all have some stuff about ourselves that we will never tell someone and, if asked, will categorically deny any knowledge of?

Sure it does because we’re not only human but if there’s sometime we value more than anything else, it’s our privacy and we do reserve and, sometimes, fiercely defend our right not to tell anyone something we do not want them to know.

So what’s the big deal about “being in the closet” when pretty much everyone is in the closet about something about themselves? It’s like being on the down-low a place, that today, is seen as something worse than being in the scariest places in whatever hell or purgatory you care to believe in… except, keeping something on the down-low is really invoking your right to privacy and not telling everyone around you what, if anything, you’re doing that you don’t want anyone else to know now or ever. Indeed, a whole of people, as a matter of course and routine, will have something that needs to be revealed and won’t reveal it until they’re ready to, from making sure they know what they’re talking about or about to do and, yeah, figuring out how whatever they’re keeping under their hat for them moment is going to be accepted or how it’s gonna work.

We all do it which effectively puts every last one of us on the down-low even if for a relatively small amount of time. Sure, yeah, sometimes you get your ass busted for not saying something about it before you said something – or whatever it was got discovered but, okay – depending on what that was might put you in the doghouse for a moment or two but those routine kinds of things, it’s not likely to get you dissed by everyone you know. Ever buy someone a gift or a present and surprised them with it? Yeah – you kept that on the down-low, didn’t you? Kept it to yourself? Privatized it? About to tell me that that this is different than “hiding” your sexuality from everyone?

I say it isn’t different and I’m wondering why you’d think it is given how much about yourself and what you do each and every day that no one else knows about?

It is assumed that bisexuals in the closet are quite dysfunctional and in a great many ways. They’re habitual and serial liars for keeping this information to themselves even though most of the time, it’s information that they’ve not yet come to terms with so let me get something straight here – and this time the pun is intended: You mean to tell me that you’re potentially going to kick my ass for not telling you about something going on with me that I’m not sure I understand? Call me a liar and some kind of an asshole because you want me to run my mouth about something I don’t know what I’m talking about, now or yet?

What kind of all holy hell are you gonna bring down on me if I do know what’s going on with me and I tell you about it and making it clear that this is something new to me? Are you gonna call me a liar because I didn’t make any mention of this when we first met? Oh, wait – how can I be lying about something that wasn’t going on with me when we first met? Gonna start accusing me of doing some shit I’m not doing? Gonna take shit even more out in left field and make what I’ve been keeping from you all about you more than it is about me?

Gonna get all bent out of shape when I do reveal all and in as much detail as I’m capable of… and you’re gonna keep acting like you didn’t understand the words that came out of my mouth? And, by the way, do you wanna tell me about all that shit you have in your own closet that you deemed I didn’t need – or have the right – to know? Oh, okay – we’re not gonna talk about that, are we? So what you’re telling me – and correct me if I’m wrong – is that you have the right to keep things from me because it’s none of my business… but my right to do the same thing has been revoked and is invalid?

Really? Houston, we have a problem…

I am a bisexual and I am out… except, not everyone I know has been told that I’m bisexual nor is everyone I might come in contact with. Why? Ain’t none of their business and I’ve deemed that they don’t need to know. Um, does that mean that I’m in the closet, too? If you didn’t already know that I’m bisexual, how would you know that I was and I’m acting closeted about it because, you know, chances are that I don’t, won’t, or can’t find a reason to just blurt out, “Hey, I’m bisexual – just thought you needed to know that before we shake hands, okay?”

And if that, dear readers, sounds patently ridiculous, you’d be right – it is… but my not telling one and all that I’m bisexual is seen as heinous behavior? Makes me a liar? A clear and present danger to everyone around me? But that’s what those who are making coming out of the closet is making this out to be, that you’re just the worst kind of motherfucker if you’ve not told everyone that you’re bisexual. So what if doing so winds up totally and completely fucking your life up and the lives of those who know you? What’s that you say? I’m putting, say, my wife in danger? Well, shit – I do that every time she gets in the car with me and I’m driving – what’s your point? Oh – I might give her an STD? Well, hmm… chances are she’d give me one – you do know about UTI’s and yeast infections and other coochie related stuff, don’t you?

Oh, and help me out with this one: How can I be putting her in danger of catching something nasty if she’s the only person I’m having sex with even though I’m bisexual? Explain this one to me. Oh… you’re just gonna tell me that she needs to know anyway, aren’t’ you? Explain that one to me, too, since it’s a given that there’s some shit about her I don’t know and will never know. Should I tell my parents and run the risk of them getting pissed with me and maybe even get them thinking that they didn’t raise me right? Tell my siblings? Tell my co-workers? The pastor at church?

Now, when I say, “I,” I’m not talking about myself since my wife does know I’m bisexual and doesn’t have a problem with it. But there are a lot of people who would have a problem with it and since I know what kind of irrational shit is going to come out of their mouths and knowing that they don’t have a clue about what they’re talking about, eh, why would I bother to tell them something that, for one, is none of their business and for another, something I’d rather not be bothered with?

Shit… there are other bisexuals that I won’t tell that I’m bisexual. Does that mean I’m closeted? The funny thing is someone would say that I am or that I’ve not told enough people – or even the “right” people, like maybe I should go to a local LGBTQ+ meeting and tell everyone my name and that I’m bisexual… and like I’m going to an AA meeting or something.

Yeah. Exactly what I should do and it’s being shoved into many a bisexual mind that this is exactly what they should do and if they don’t spill the beans about themselves, they’re all kinds of fucked up and dishonorable.

We should make the notion of “being in the closet” a non-issue since, at a high level, we are all in the closet about something and especially when it comes to having sex. It should not be a “crime” not to tell anyone about your sexuality that, in your determination, shouldn’t be told unless you deem it a damned good reason to tell them. Someone suspects that you’re bisexual and is asking you to confirm their suspicions? Ask them to tell you something about themselves that no one else knows… and find out what happens. I’ve actually done that and ain’t it funny how they’re not of a mind to do that? But you’re gonna give me some shit about not telling you something I don’t want you to know about me?

How does that work? How can it work? Yet, there are an untold number of bisexuals who, at this very moment, are worrying themselves sick about whether to come out or not even when they’re reasonably sure that it’s not going to be in their best interest to leave the “safety” of their self-made prison known as the closet. Do some folks come out and do so with their head still attached to their body?

Sure they do… doesn’t mean this desired outcome is gonna happen as a matter of course and for everyone because there will always be someone who has a problem with bisexuality. There’s a lot of fear being injected into this and I get it since, by our very nature, we tend to be afraid of that which we don’t understand and we just don’t understand sexuality as much as we think we do.

We value our privacy above all else; we reserve the right to not tell someone anything we don’t think they need to know or we don’t wanna be bothered with explaining it. We all do it, even those people who say they always tell the truth and they have no secrets. We hold true that there’s no reason for anyone to lie about anything… but we also hold true that people lie… because people do. Not really that big of a deal…

But not telling one and all that you’re bisexual or that you think you may be? About as wrong as anything else about being bisexual gets, the worst kind of liar that could ever be born and makes lies of omission a seriously head-scratching kind of thing since there’s a lot of shit that goes on with everyone each and every moment of each and every day that we just don’t tell anyone about and most of it are things we deemed no one else needs to know. It’s either of no consequence… or it’s none of your damned business, thank you very much.

I entitled this “Redefining the Closet” when, perhaps, it should have been “The Closet Isn’t a Real Place After All” because it really isn’t when you stop and think about it because being in the closet isn’t really a thing that only concerns sexuality and I just don’t think it should be an issue.

If you need to tell someone, tell them and whatever happens, happens. If you don’t need to tell them, then don’t. Doesn’t mean that you’re hiding in some dank, dark closet – there’s just something about you that you don’t think a whole lot of people need to know about and more so when history has proven that if you tell someone this, it usually doesn’t go well for the teller.

Or like my very wise mother used to tell me, “You never give someone a stick to beat you with.” Yet, by demanding that bisexuals all come out, that’s exactly what you’re asking us to do. Not of a mind to tell your partner that you’re bisexual because you know that if you do, the shit is going to hit the fan and might put an end to an otherwise good relationship? Well, sure – it’s the premise behind ignorance being blissful, silence being golden, and what you don’t know can’t hurt you except, factually, there are situations where this isn’t the truth at all.

Coming out just isn’t one of them and being closeted about something ain’t really as bad as everyone is making it out to be because it’s like I said, it’s not like you’re going to volunteer to tell everyone you know about how you have sex, who you have it with, everything you’ve ever done that’s sex-related or anything you’ve ever thought about regarding things sexual.

Because it’s private. Too much information. None of anyone else’s business what you’re thinking and doing when it comes to things sexual. A lot of bloggers will tell it and with all the juicy details… because it’s not very likely you will ever know who they really are and, honestly, some of us don’t give a fuck that you know.

I am bisexual and I really don’t give a fuck who knows any more than I give a fuck about who doesn’t like it since, um, there ain’t shit they can do about it but at the same time, there are – and will be – some people who just do not need to know that I’m bisexual because, here in my old age, I have better things to do than to try to explain something to them that, chances are, they’re not going to accept and you just do not ever give someone a stick to beat you with and you sure as fuck don’t go around asking for trouble to come pay you a visit.

Ever. Does that mean I’m in the closet? Or am I really being just like everyone else on the planet who’s not of a mind to tell everyone everything about themselves?


Posted by on 22 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: A Bad Case of Bisexuality on the Brain

Yeah, that would be me. From day one, this bisexual thing has continually fascinated the living daylights out of me, my innate curiosity wanting to know what this was, why it felt so good, and why everyone said it was a very bad thing to do. Then, when learning that this both sides thing wasn’t just confined to where I lived and the guys I hung out with, my curiosity was more than piqued and now it was all about finding out why so many other guys – and not a few gals – were like me.

I’m still finding out. I know a lot about this bisexual thing and it’s such an integral part of me that while others might think I’m obsessed with it, it really isn’t an obsession and as I’ve said, being bisexual is as normal to me as breathing is. Now, there is the whole being a guy thing going on – I’m always thinking about sex even when I’m not really focusing on the subject and since I am bisexual, I tend to think like one and I don’t feel much in the way of shame to admit that there are visions of coochies and cocks always wandering around inside my head…

As well as a wealth of information learned via actual experience and lots of observation and this, too, occupies quite a bit of my mental storage capacity and this blog serves to help me… empty it, that and I feel it’s important to pass along what I’ve learned even as I keep learning more and more about this.

Sure, there are a lot of bisexuals who don’t think about this like I do and there’s nothing wrong with that… but even now, being bisexual is so exciting to be so open-minded about an aspect of human behavior many people have a problem with and, of course, to have that sense of being sexually liberated in both mind and body.

There have been times when I’ve asked my brain to shut down the curiosity about this… and my request gets rejected by my sense of self-awareness and my brain gets… snooty and remind me that it would probably be easier to ask myself to stop breathing which, of course, I’d rather not do that. I came to understand what I think is an important aspect of bisexuality: It’s about being and kinda/sorta not so much about doing.

So if it’s normal for someone to have sex on the brain and to whatever degree they do, it’s just as normal to have bisexuality on the brain and for me, well, it’s fun and still very much exciting. It’s exciting to see so many people starting to embrace bisexuality, to see them asking questions… and not so exciting to see how many are disturbed by this in some way, having questions and not getting the answers they seek and just feeling some kind of way because being able to act on their feelings seems to be very hard to do.

I try to keep a finger on the pulse of things, to see what others are saying and doing and it’s just so fascinating to see and just as much as it makes me scratch my head a lot over some of the changes I see, like how it appears that bisexuality is starting to move into “normal behavior” ranges, shying away from casual sex and in favor of a more relationship model.

It makes for a lot to think about and my curiosity is being well-fed and happy to be aware of the fact that there’s much more going on today than in days gone by: These are some exciting times for bisexuality… but these are troubling times as well because social acceptance is slower than molasses in January in Antarctica. There’s a lot of dissention and push-back from those who are of a mind that bisexuality isn’t a real thing and doing their best to lump bisexuals in with homosexuals and, as such, making their problems our problems as well.

I’ve gotten to see a side of people that is… disturbing. It’s not… ugly but I’ve been around long enough to recognized that a lot of the stigma being attached to bisexuality used to belong to homosexuals and it really does make me wonder why people can’t see the difference; many people still hear “bisexual” and think “homosexual” and choosing to overlook the fact that we’re also quite straight and in the majority of times but, yeah, sure – if we can engage in some same-sex stuff, okay – that works, too.

I have the honor and privilege to mentor a guy in the ways of bisexuality and as I’ve written at times, we have some of the most interesting conversations and while I also have the honor and privilege to belong to an online group of bisexuals and privy to what’s on their minds (as well as what they’re doing… or not), it’s fun to interact with my protege and see bisexuality through his eyes from what excites him to what bothers him, too. I also have the same honor and privilege to be a contributing author for a WordPress blog that’s primarily for bisexual women and this is special because, normally and generally, you don’t hear a lot of women talking about being bi one way or the other.

Oddly enough, bisexual women have a lot of the same issues that bisexual men do, encompassing both the emotional and the physical and, wow, a lot of women are struggling with being bisexual from coming to grips with their feelings to being able to find a lover they can explore things with.

I see how bisexuality is changing the way we have relationships; there are more and more couples opting to establish an alternative relationship of some kind and practically eliminating infidelity in their lives so they can have their cake and eat it, too. This upsets the apple cart of monogamy and still, for many, they face the very daunting position and situation of being bisexual and being with someone who might not look at bisexuality favorably. The trend of the alternative relationship is growing but not… fast enough to help all the bisexuals who are in a relationship and there’s nothing they can do other than to cheat on their partner.

And even in this, I keep asking myself if this… resistance really makes any sense because if you really loved them, why would you not want them to be the person they need to be? Rhetorical question because I do know why; some of it is purely about the mandate to be monogamous but it’s also about a high degree of selfishness on the part of the partner who ain’t a fan of bisexuality or, really, anything that might reek of being non-monogamous; it’s always about them, what they think, how they feel and about telling their bisexual that it’s just a phase or they just don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about and other such negative and hurtful things.

In this, we have a very long way to go but just like the acceptance of bisexuality, this is changing albeit slowly.

I see this, read about it, hear about it and it’s just so much food for thought. I get to see how different I am from other guys even though, as bisexual men, we do have a lot in common. And speaking of having things in common, allow me to backtrack a bit and say a few things about those men and women who frown upon bisexuality as a matter of principle.

One of the things bi guys face are women who just flat out hate bisexual men; they see us as nasty-assed freaks who are gonna cheat on them at the drop of a dime and, yes, there are a lot of men who feel this way, too. What they fail to see, understand, and/or comprehend that because of our same-sex feelings, um, bisexuals know a lot of the same things our straight – and even gay – counterparts know. As a bisexual man, sure – I know my way around a pussy but like a lot of women, I know my way around a dick, too – and I know, just like they do, that some guys are total assholes.

Got a woman who also likes pussy? Dude, do you not realize that she knows the same thing you do about the coochie (and women, period)… and probably some stuff you didn’t know? Now, you’d think that having this level of commonality would be a good thing but, sadly and for many, it isn’t and this bounces around in my head, too. It’s not that I don’t understand why some folks are like this – but I do question the sense of not embracing the commonality that is, I think, inherent in bisexuality either in thought and/or in deed.

I’ve been asked, “Well, what if you found out your woman likes women? What would you do/say?”

Me? I’d be happy for her and way beyond being tickled pink because, if nothing else, she knows the same things that I do and, yes, gives us much more in common. Would I encourage her to explore things? You betcha I would and, no, I’m not even thinking about that threesome thing and wouldn’t unless, by chance, I was invited to participate – and even then I’d have to give it some serious thought since her sexuality is about her first and foremost but, okay, if she wants to share, we can talk about that.

Do I think or otherwise believe that “everyone” be bisexual? Oh, fuck no! Let me put it this way, if I may? Having the sex is easy and more so if you’re paying more attention to what than to who. What isn’t easy is getting your head around all of this stuff and the fact of this matter is that while some people can manage to get their head around this and despite how horribly complicated this process is, there are a whole lot of people who just can’t process all of this and, frankly, the mere thought that they might not be as straight as they believed themselves to be is pretty frightening.

What I do say is that if you can, well, why not? I’d say that at the core of this, it really is just sex and, honestly, I get a kick out of hearing some folks go on and on about how much they love sex… but they won’t have sex with someone built like they are. Like oral sex: What’s the difference? There isn’t one other than the person providing it. Fucking? Well, yeah, some differences there but recalling the commonality thing, there are a lot of guys who knows what it feels like to get screwed, both the good and the bad of it – and just like women do.

I see the same stereotypes and misconceptions I came in contact with decades ago still hanging out today and, yeah, it makes me wonder why but, again, it’s rhetorical because I know why: It’s because nobody really wants to hear the truth about being bisexual. We’re not serial cheaters, we’re not confused, don’t have a problem committing to being monogamous – we don’t like it but, yeah, we can do it. We’re not in denial about anything and, importantly, we’re not gay except when we’re doing some same-sex stuff.

We don’t go about this mindlessly or being total slaves to our lust; we do thing about it and even overthink it and we can be very damned particular about who we want to share our minds, bodies, and maybe even souls with and while there are still those who prefer casual sex over relationship sex, trust me – there’s a lot of thinking going on before the clothes come off.

Is it risky? Sure it is – what sex is without risk? I get to laugh at a lot of guys (in particular) who gets freaked out about sucking cock and dealing with a mouthful of sperm… but they’ll eat pussy without giving it much thought. Is it better to have a FWB as far as being safe goes? Yes… and not so much and I’ll tell you why: You can’t be 100% sure about who else your FWB may be sleeping with. What gets me scratching my head is that for men and women alike, there are ways to protect yourself from any bad stuff and, indeed, a lot of people take all of the necessary precautions… and many don’t.

I see a lot of what some folks don’t know about this and, yeah, it runs around inside my head with all the other stuff concerning bisexuality. I sit and observe and research stuff because being aware of all of this is not only in my best interests as a bisexual, it’s in the best interest of all bisexuals and if I can do something to bring about a better awareness, okay – I’m good with that so, um, yeah, there’s a reason why I have a bad case of bisexuality on the brain and, um, as you can easily see if you read all of this!

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Posted by on 21 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: The Lack of Real Information

About, oh, two weeks or so ago, a guy on the forum made a post asking why it seemed that gay men love to target straight and inexperienced guys for sex. I thought it was a good question and more so when, from time to time, I see stuff written – presumably – by gay men that continues to suggest that straight guys really aren’t straight and, as such, should not only give into their gayness but have their “virginity” taken properly by a gay man.

Yeah, right – straight dudes are lining up for this one, you betcha.

One of the curious things about bi guys is that when they’re ready to take the plunge, gravitating to a male friend seems sensible – it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t – and chances are that friend is ruler-straight. It’s not that the friend is straight that makes him “attractive” but the thought that no matter how an indecent proposal winds up – and if one is made – the friend might not rat them out to the whole planet about it although, of course, there is that risk of losing a good friend.

Because I’m of a mind that pursuing straight men for sex isn’t just a gay thing, I was interested in seeing how the membership was going to respond and while a couple of guys offered up their thoughts about why this seems to happen, all the others who responded did so with their preferences which, I guess, technically, is information but didn’t lend itself to providing any real information. I mean, it’s good to know that “Johnny” prefers someone with experience and it’s not so unusual for first-timers to want to be taught the ropes by someone who is quite experienced.

Still doesn’t answer the question even though one can get a picture of the mindset of bi guys; most prefer experienced lovers and there are some who prefer someone who is just as inexperienced as they are… but why do some gay men chase after straight guys with zero experience with a dick other than their own?

Probably for the same reason why a lot of straight guys like getting with a virgin woman and, ladies, I’m going to apologize now but, yeah – guys who are known to have deflowered a girl/woman gets huge props from his peers and it’s like a badge of honor. I’ve thought that this… behavior goes way back in time when it was imperative that a man take a woman who had not been sexed to insure that when he hit that thang, any babies popping out would be his, establishing his line and, in later times, um, teaching her how to have sex with him and in ways that was thought to dissuade her from having sex with other men and disrupting the continuance of their genetic line.

So it’s not surprising that gay men would want to carry on the “tradition” of “deflowering” a straight guy. It’s not so much of a preference as it is, strangely, just a way that men behave although, if you ask some guys, they’d rather not be bothered with a virgin since trying to get them to give it up isn’t always easy and, going forward, well, dudes would rather do than to teach… and some guys are better at doing than they’d ever be at teaching.

My “beef” with the topic was that out of all of the guys who responded, only three guys (including myself) offered up any real information and this particular topic isn’t the only one where a guy is looking for – let’s call it actionable information – but what he gets is a lot of replies about what they prefer and not so much what they know or have learned.

Would it surprise you that there are a lot of guys who are bisexual and don’t know much about it other than getting their dicks hard and getting them soft? Now, I know that it’s foolish of me to expect bi guys to understand this as I do since I’ve made it my life’s mission to learn everything I can about being bisexual. I’ve done so much reading and researching that sometimes even I wonder why I bothered with it but the answer is that even as old as I am and despite all the experiences I’ve had, I still want to know why I’m bisexual and still have that need to learn how other guys are bisexual and more so when I tend to run into guys who find that they are and while they might need some dick, what they really need is information, hard or even soft facts (no puns intended) that will help them make some very important decisions.

Telling such a guy what I prefer, again, tells him something… about me but doesn’t provide much in the way of real information. Okay, so, on the forum, we talk about wanting to have sex, having sex, and other things related to sex, like the topic/question that came up about whether or not tasting sperm is addictive… and what the guy who asked the question got was a lot of talk about preferences and a whole lot of disease cards being slammed on the table.

Not one person offered up any real information about this until I – again – mentioned that it’s the oral fixation that guys get addicted to and not so much sperm even though a lot of guys really do like the taste and all that. I know it’s me but if a guy asks a question, telling him what you prefer, like, or dislike doesn’t answer the question and if there’s something that gets a lot of guys into trouble with being bisexual, it’s not what they know:

It’s what they don’t know. Another example, if I may? A lot of guys kinda freak out when they have sex with another guy and even when they masturbate and they feel so guilty that they wanna throw up. Many of them believe it’s because they’re not having sex with a woman and when they spank the monkey, visions of hard dicks and male asses are dancing around in their head and since it’s well-known that men aren’t supposed to go anywhere near this kind of stuff, this is the source of their guilt.

And it really isn’t but they don’t know about the refractory period of sex and how it just fucks with your head in some way after the nut gets busted and some guys are aware enough about this guilty feeling even after having sex with a woman – but they don’t know why they feel good – but feel shitty – after the fact.

I do… because I wanted to know why I was feeling guilty and about to throw up shitty after busting a nut. Guys who don’t know this biological fact winds up being leery about going after some dick again, stating that they can’t handle the guilt of their sin and all that and this lack of real information ain’t helping them understand that this is something that happens because our bodies are programmed to behave this way after ejaculation.

Period. Guys fret about losing the urge to have sex – or to continue with sex – after they’ve busted… and they have no idea why and whenever this particular topic comes up (pun intended this time) what you see by way of responses is a lot of “I don’t know!” or some wise-ass saying that the asker has lost his urge to have sex or to continue because he has internalized biphobia and maybe he shouldn’t try to have sex with guys again.

I find the lack of real information disturbing. Yes, a lot of this information is pretty boring, from biology to psychology to physiology and who wants to be bothered to even think about this shit when your dick is hard and you’re looking for another guy to help you make it soft again? There are a lot of guys on the forum who believe that having casual, NSA sex with another guy is guaranteed to infect you with something and that having a FWB will insure that you don’t get infected. What this is, other than some very serious misinformation, is just what someone who isn’t a fan of NSA sex thinks and, as such, not much in the way of real information.

There are guys who are scared to death to suck dick because they are convinced that they’re gonna get HIV/AIDS if they do… but wouldn’t hesitate to stick their face between a woman’s legs or – get this – don’t hesitate to offer up their winky for her to suck, you know, if she’s even of a mind to do it. On this one, a guy offered up some data from the CDC – there’s only a four percent chance of catching anything via oral sex and even still, while the guy provided this information, he didn’t provide why the CDC says there’s a four percent chance – there are a lot of factors that play into this but because guys are so paranoid about catching something, the part they don’t get is that there’s a ninety-six percent chance of not catching something.

They just believe that they will and, to this end, it’s like the blind leading the blind (no offense to those who are visually challenged) because of the sheer lack of real information. Lot of opinions, more preferences than you can shake a stick at and not a lot of understand that what works – or doesn’t work – for one guy doesn’t mean that it will or will not work for someone – anyone – else.

That there are a lot of guys – experienced or not so much – who are looking to find out if they’re doing the right thing for themselves is a given; there’s some measure of comfort in knowing that there are other guys who prefer, like, and/or dislike the same stuff that you do and while this isn’t likely to get a guy some kind of jacked up, a lack of real information will most certainly mess up some stuff for some guys or prevent other guys who want to take that first step make them not do it.

There is so much that is “unknown” about being a bi guy because few people want to bother with finding out why things work the way they do. A guy started a topic about being upset behind giving a guy a blow job and the other guy didn’t cum and, wow, he really went off the deep end about it, blaming himself for the lack of cum and thinking that he was gonna get struck by lightning or some other fate because of the sin he committed. Those who responded actually did more to feed into his fears and confusion or said something like, “It happens…” but didn’t bother to explain why it happens and that, in this case, if it doesn’t happen, that’s actually fairly normal if you understand things like being under- or overstimulated and that if the other guy is experiencing either of these things – and not including whatever shit is bouncing around inside his head and a lot of other stuff – then you could suck homey’s cock for hours on end and he’s not gonna cum even if he wanted to.

Yeah… I know. It’s just me and, yes, I do try to answer da fellas with real information because, again, it’s not what you know that can cause problems, it’s what you don’t know.

A lot of this lack of information happens because teaching people about sex – and sex in every way it can happen – just does not happen and if it does, it’s just boy/girl sex and even then not a lot of real information gets imparted outside of Biology 101 – this is how babies are made and where they come from. Why does Little Johnny like boys and girls? I dunno… he must be some kind of freak or one of many of the worst sinners ever born and his parents raised him wrong and he needs Jesus to take control of his life.

People are being made to believe that if you’re not in a same-sex relationship, there’s no way you’re bisexual and this, at best, is misinformation and, at worse, the way those who are saying this wants bisexuality to be; if you’re not doing the nasty with someone the same way straight, monogamous people are doing the nasty, then you can’t be bisexual. True enough, sex in a relationship is good… but you don’t have to be in a relationship to find and have good sex and sexuality isn’t a real issue here. Then again, we continue to believe that the only legal and moral sex is relationship sex, don’t we and those who have sex just because they can are about as wrong as anyone can be.

Misinformation. A lack of real information. If someone asks you a question, well, answer the question if you know it and if you don’t know the answer, then say you don’t know but if the answer required is kinda important, then go find the answer. A wise man told me that you don’t have to know the answer to everything – you just have to know who does know the answer. The Internet has a shitload of information about being bisexual and not all of it is what I’d call real information or information based in fact, like, if you’re bisexual, you’re gonna suffer mental illnesses like clinical depression when the truth is anyone can suffer from depression.

If you suck a cock belonging to someone you don’t know all that well, can you catch something? You could… but chances are you won’t and the vaunted CDC says so. Do you feel guilty after masturbating to gay porn because it’s sinful to do so? Um, no, not really but, sure, if that’s why you think you feel guilty, that’s what you think. Lost your erection during sex and now you think something is seriously wrong? Probably not and there’s a boatload of reasons why it happened. Didn’t bust a nut? That happens, too, and for another boatload of reasons that aren’t necessarily a bad thing or due to the fact that you’re with a guy and trying to bust a nut.

Why do gay men chase after straight and inexperienced guys? While guys do like being someone’s first in this, a lot of this… sentiment is what I call part of the “gay agenda” where being gay is being touted as the only and best way to be and in the same way being straight is the only way to be so, some fact to this and a lot of propaganda.

Do guys prefer experience over no experience? Yes… and no – depends on the guy and how much of a sense of adventure he has.

Have I ever mentioned how funny guys are about this? The lack of real information is, in and of itself, some pretty scary shit and a lot of guys are bothered with their bisexuality because of what they don’t know. This lack of real information plays into the higher level thing of where what we believe carries more weight than the truth does. Some guys really do believe that if they don’t let a guy cum in their mouth, they’re not going to get infected with something when the truth is that, um, if you have his dick in your mouth and he’s oozing pre-cum, you’ve already exposed yourself to the potential risk since pre-cum is really seminal fluid and sperm is a separate component but hangs out in seminal fluid – it’s the medium that delivers the sperm to the egg and where any bad stuff is going to be.

Oh, and that’s why some people get blindsided when using the withdrawal method of birth control, if you ever wondered about that: Seminal fluid can contain some sperm prior to ejaculation so homey can pull out and hose girlfriend down… and she’s conceived anyway because some “stray sperm” got into his pre-cum and, wow, y’all are gonna be surprised pretty soon.

“But, I pulled out!” Yep, you did… you just didn’t know how this really works sometimes, did you?

Which is why I write this blog and I write it with the sure knowledge and understanding that I could be wrong and if I am, that’s not a bad thing as far as I’m concerned because I’d rather have some real information than have to deal with a lack of real information, that and if I think I might be wrong, I’m gonna go looking for the real information. It’s why I say that ignorance is not bliss, silence is not golden, and what you don’t know can hurt you in some way.

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Posted by on 20 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: "Am I Gay?"

Faggot. Punk. Sissy. Queer. These four words – and probably some I wasn’t aware of – were all slurs used to describe homosexuality in the mid-1960s. As I recall, I didn’t hear the word “gay” until 1969 and, I dunno, the first time I heard it – some guy a bunch of other guys were talking about was said to be gay, well, um, the literal definition popped into my head – whoever the guy was that was being talked about was happy.

What was wrong with that? Oh, wait – that’s not what they meant and as indicated by another word flung out there that I did recognize: Queer. Phrases like, “He’s got some sugar in his tank!” and “He’s got some she in him!” were bandied about and usually followed by a lot of vicious laughter and threats of bodily harm and it didn’t make a difference whether the people discussing these “weirdos” were young or old.

But you just knew – learned, really – that being a faggot, punk, sissy, queer or gay wasn’t a good thing and among us youngster, tagging someone with one of these words was usually enough for a fight to start. Homophobia was running rampant and it was clear that any guy who dared to have sex with another guy – and someone found out about it – would face some shit that makes frat boy hazing look tame.

It just stood to reason that if you were bisexual – and even if you didn’t know the word existed – letting others find out that you had the nerve to go both ways could be rather hazardous and made for a treacherous period of growing up. It didn’t stop anyone from doing their dirt in this way but you took as much care as you could manage to make sure your secret didn’t get blabbed all over the place and this made good sense… except for those poor kids who got tagged as being queer… and they really weren’t.

“Am I gay?” This is usually one of the first questions a guy asks himself upon discovering that girls ain’t the only people he likes and gets his dick hard and I honestly and personally don’t know a single bisexual guy who hasn’t asked himself this question; the gay guys I knew, well, they knew they were gay – some flaunted it, some felt it was wiser not to. I used to wonder why this question would show up and more so when a guy who liked guys and gals, well, they’re not gay since it was very well known that gay guy might act like girls… but you’d never catch one trying to sleep with a girl.

I always thought it was odd that a guy who didn’t like pussy spent a lot of time acting like a girl and could usually be found hanging out with girls – eh, go figure. Still, a guy asking himself this question could count on the question standing right alongside a great deal of fear because, again, if you were gay, you were a magnet for all sorts of bad things that could wind up in your lap. Back then, there wasn’t any difference made between those guys who went both way and those guys who were faggots – it was all the same which, even then, didn’t make any sense and no more sense than such sentiments do today – some people are still of a mind that bisexual and homosexual are the same things.

The first question that a guy asks himself is along the lines of, “Why do I feel the way I do?” or “What’s wrong with me?” – stuff like that and, at some point, what they’re feeling becomes more… apparent and giving birth to the “Am I gay?” question and, yeah, that’s pretty disturbing and more so back in the late 1960s; you don’t know fear until there are five or six guys surrounding you, calling you a queer, and getting your ass kicked is imminent.

You fervently hoped and prayed that your answer to the question wasn’t, “Yes – you’re as queer as a $3 bill!” Now, a lot of guys figured out that, nope – they weren’t gay since, um, they were very busy chasing every girl they could and even catching them so they could, well, you know. But, hmm, if a guy wanted to do something, well, sure – I won’t tell if you won’t! Even more confusion in play, right? Not straight… but not gay, either; don’t know what this is I’m into!

Ah, I remember the day I had asked myself this question and it still embarasses me today when I think of the chain of events that led to me asking the question and the very well-known fact that before it even dawned on me to ask “the question,” I’d been happily sleeping with all the guys and gals I could get with.

I don’t really remember what put the question in my head other than to say I had been doing a “review” of myself, looking back at my past behaviors and taking note of how I’d changed, progressed, stuff like that. My then wife and I had decided to have a nooner and it was good, fun, and satisfying and I didn’t have a care in the world until that part of my mind that had been doing the review suddenly rained all over my post-coital bliss by asking, “Hey – are you gay?”

Instant internalized panic attack and one that got progressively worse as my brain faithfully cued up every single time I had sex with a guy and pushed the “play” button on me. I was totally freaked out and I actually had to sit down because I felt faint, my legs were shaking, and my blood pressure had to be triple digits top and bottom.

Let’s keep in mind at this point that I knew what bisexuality was and that I was bisexual; also keep in mind that this landed on me after I’d just had a great time screwing my wife, okay? Not like a day later – like ten minutes later. So, yeah, perhaps you can see why this is rather embarrassing because I already had the proof that I wasn’t gay but it’s also the “perfect” example of how your mind can just fuck with you and, in this case, unnecessarily so.

But wait – it gets worse! Instead of me coming to the understanding that, nah, there was no way in hell that I was really gay and instantly so, the question plagued me for almost two years and as I continually overlooked the fact of the many, many times I was gleefully screwing my wife… but I couldn’t stop thinking about all the dicks I had and to this day, I just do not know why I was so focused on this aspect of my life but, yeah, I was while totally overlooking the obvious.

Gets even worse! The “Am I gay?” thing was still bogarting my thoughts and I recall standing at the window of our apartment, looking out and pretty much staring – seeing stuff without really seeing it – when my mind said, “You’re an idiot, you know that, don’t you? You can’t be gay! Here – let me show you something…”

My mind took me back to the day I asked myself the question and what took place before the question… and, yeah, I’m not just an idiot – I’m an even bigger idiot, perhaps the king of the idiot world to finally realize that I should have known the answer to the question a split-second after it had been asked… and it shouldn’t have taken me all this time to get it through my apparently thick skull that, nope, I wasn’t gay…

I was bisexual and very much so. I felt so foolish and was pretty pissed with myself. But something came to me that I felt was important: I wouldn’t be able to understand the turmoil “Am I gay?” can cause someone if I’ve never experienced it, right? I mean, how many other guys (and a few gals) had I talked to and had listened to what they went through when “Am I gay?” landed on them like tons of bricks? And I realized that in those times, I really didn’t understand their pain – but I understood it now, didn’t I?

Still worse – well, kinda. Not too long after I’d answered the question, I fell in love with a gay guy and it was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had and more so when I – and like so many bi guys – had sworn on a stack of bibles that there was no way in hell I could ever fall in love with some dude. It’s a reminder that one should try to stay on Karma’s good side, huh? And despite the torrid, emotional and, yeah, sex-filled moments of this “impossible” relationship, my sexuality was never in question.

I was bisexual and always had been. While my moments of peril with the question still makes me feel pretty silly, it did give me some experience and enough that when I see bi guys asking if they’re gay or talking about their own cluster fuck moments with the question, I can tell them with a great deal of certainty that chances are pretty good that they’re not gay because they have this… interest in men.

Along the way, I learned that some guys would ask themselves the question and discover that they really were gay and on the Kinsey scale, they were anywhere from 4 to even 6; the “6 guys” were usually ones who proved to themselves that being intimate with women just didn’t work for them. I could now listen to guys asking if I thought they were gay because visions of cocks were dancing all over their heads and tell them that, nope, probably not – but this dick thing is pretty exciting as much as it can be troubling, huh? I was able to get a lot of guys to figure this out way faster than I did just by asking them a simple question: Do ya still like pussy?

I’d feel – triumphant? – to watch them process this question and could see the answer written all over them before they verbally responded by saying that they did and very much so, thanks a lot for asking but, yeah – that dick thing was still a lot of fun to partake in even if they were on the verge of taking the plunge for the first time.

Then they’d ask – and as I did – what the fuck made them think that they were really gay when all of the evidence said that they weren’t… and that was a question I couldn’t answer except to state the obvious: The question just shows up to fuck with you. Was it some sense of guilt knowing that one is even thinking about going both ways or remembering any time where they spent an “inordinate” amount of time having sex with guys and more than they were screwing gals?

Or was it really a matter of a lack of information? Ya knew about being straight and ya knew about those gay folks and the way they handled their business… but going both ways? Being a switch-hitter and batting for both teams? It’s one thing to hear stuff like this and it’s referring to someone else… but when it’s you?

Yeah… it’s pretty disturbing to be something that no one really talked about except as some kind of joke or to just push someone’s buttons about how they liked to get their rocks off. It is to note that women did not really escape this… hazing but they handled this better than guys did; I’ve heard a lot of women who were accused of swinging both ways look at the accuser and say, “So what if I do? You’re just mad because you ain’t getting any of this pussy!”

If they had any inner turmoil going on, most girls were good at keeping others from finding out. Sure, some girls I knew would admit to liking other girls as much as they did guys and wondered if that meant they were really lesbian but I always felt that they answered this question about themselves better than I had… and a lot of guys as well.

You just get to a point where you don’t even concern yourself with the possibility of being gay – you are what you are, you do whatever you’re doing, and that’s that – and if anyone suggests to you that you’re really gay, you roll your eyes, laugh at them, and pretty much let them know that you’re not gay while not giving a single hint to the fact that you’re not straight, either.

I know I’ve had decades to observe all of this and I understand why this cluster fuck continues to fuck with people while seeing at the social level why not being 100% straight was a bad thing and, now, not being 100% straight or gay is being perceived as a “bad” thing…

Because we don’t understand it; we can’t accept that sexuality isn’t black and white. There are folks who continue to believe that gay folks have zero interest in opposite sex stuff but the truth is, um, some do. They wouldn’t say that they’re bisexual and insist that even though they occasionally cross the line, they’re still quite gay, thank you very much. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to explain to people that, yes – I have sex with men and women and because I do, I’m not gay and if you wanna get nitpicky about it, I am only gay when I’m doing something with another guy so, at best, you’re only partially correct but you’re overlooking the fact that I will get with some coochie, too… because that’s how bisexuality works.

Am I gay? Not even. Am I straight? Nope, not really. I’m both… and neither all wrapped up in one package… and if you can’t understand that, well, that’s not my problem; it’s not my fault that you’re operating with a lot of faulty information or that what you believe is keeping you from seeing the truth of things.

Gay men have insisted that I’m really gay and I should admit it and have gotten pissed when I’ve replied that for me to admit something like this would be a bald-faced lie… because I’m not gay… but I’m not straight, either. It’s flattering – well, now it is – to be told that I’d be a good gay guy; the first time a gay guy told me this, I almost punched him in the face. It surprised him… and surprised me, too, because I understood that I was still holding on to feeling some kind of way to be called gay – but, I guess that makes sense in a weird kind of way because no one likes to be called something that they know they aren’t. So to keep from punching people in the face about it, I just learned to ignore all those suggestions that I give up women and be the gay man I know I am.

Yeah… let’s not and say I did. Give up women and stop sticking my cock in their pussies? You done gone and lost your mind, haven’t you? I know I’m not gay; I asked myself the question and, yeah, okay, it took me a while to answer it – but I did answer it and I’m quite good with the answer.

Even if there are people out there who wants to keep thinking that being bisexual and being gay are one and the same. How does one go about answering this question for themselves?

Ya gotta get all up inside yourself; you gotta look at your thoughts and feelings as well as taking a very good look at anything you might be doing and, yeah, even thinking about doing. And you do this in some very deep and detailed ways. This very introspective examination could take a few moments to figure out or it can take years – it just depends on the person and their ability to really think about this. Just because a guy may find that he likes dick more than he likes pussy doesn’t mean that he’s gay… since, um, he still likes pussy but these days?

That doesn’t mean a whole lot because, as I said, there are some gay guys who like pussy, too, and, yep, there are lesbians who like some dick when the mood for it hits them. What we are learning is that all of those lines previously drawn along the sexualit spectrum are starting to blur and to the point where asking yourself if you’re gay doesn’t – and shouldn’t – mean anything unless you determine that things opposite sex just ain’t working for you when it comes to love, sex, and relationships.

We are learning that people do change their minds about their sexuality and sometimes more than once. You get to understand the angst over the labels – straight, bi, gay – because at the end of the day, they don’t mean a whole lot when it comes to your boat floating and being attracted in ways that the labels kinda insist you can’t be attracted to.

People are always asking themselves if they’re gay and they eventually get the answer to the question and the answer – whatever it may be – shouldn’t be so much of a problem – you are what you need to be. We just assume that if you’re straight, you’re always going to be straight no matter what but, um, straight people do become bisexual; shit, gay people become bisexual to some degree and in whatever way it suits their purposes.

Am I gay? Was I ever gay? Nope – I just am what I am… and what I am is bisexual and I’m good with that because to not be good with it just does not make any damned sense at all. If the shoe fit, just wear it and be proud of being able to wear it.

Sigh. People will ask themselves this question and the message is to not worry yourself sick over it and if you find that you are, then you are and, if not, you’re not. Accept that you can feel some kind of way about both men and women and if you do something about it, fine – but if you don’t, that’s okay, too.

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Posted by on 17 January 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Musings & Interests of a Bisexual Man


This site is about my journey into male chastity. I hope to be brutally honest and perhaps helpful to others wanting to try the same thing.

A place for this naughty girl to share her thoughts

NSFW, 18+ only please: Lots of kinky sex, domestic discipline, Dominance & submission, BDSM and spankings ahead!

Acquiescent Soul

Watching life as it passed by

Justifiable Opinions

We all have them, lets share what we think

Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.


All the things that make me, well "me."


If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

Sexy Times ~ Warm Feelings ~ Hot Flashes ~ All That

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"


Random thoughts from a random mind


Writing about recovery.

Wake Up- Get Up- Stand up

"We the People" need to stand together.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.


Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual


The Wise Serpent


Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

Trans Media Monitor

Keeping an eye on mainstream media in Canada

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, lots of sex, and finally experiencing a wonderful relationship.

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Larry Archer's World (

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer


is there a path to a successful open marriage?


The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl


What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception


Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained


when and why size matters


I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer