Today's Bisexual Thoughts: Are We Making Sexuality Harder Than It Has to Be?

Of course we are and probably more here in the US than anywhere else in the world and not so much in terms of what’s normal and what isn’t… but in terms of whether or not bisexuality is a real thing, what it’s supposed to look and be like and redefining it in ways to salve individual sensibilities.

We damned well know that bisexuals exist and that bisexuality is real – and just as real as being straight and gay are. We bemoan men having sex with each other and sometimes the jury is out about women having sex with each other but we seem to be… confused over those folks who have sex with both men and women, how that’s supposed to happen and even what its being identified as from “simple bisexuality” to the inclusion of terms like cis-male/female and lumping gender identity into the mix and as if a transgender couldn’t be bisexual.

And you kinda get tired of asking yourself why we continue to make such a big deal out of this and why so many continue to insist that bisexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation. When you look at how long it took for homosexuality to be recognized as a real thing – and what homosexuals had to endure along the way – and including homosexuality being officially listed as a mental illness (until 1974 or so), well, you can see how we’ve been making sexuality harder to get a grip on and to accept than is necessary.

As I keep saying, there are the way things are supposed to be… and then there’s the way things really can be and we, collectively, are beginning to move away from the notion that bisexuality isn’t a real thing which is good… but the bad part is that we continue to muddy the waters over how it’s supposed to be done, when it can be, when it can’t be and other such things that, at least for me, continues to point out a frightening level of immaturity and puerile thinking as we still insist that sex can only – and should only – be engaged and enjoyed in one way only and even then with a lot of conditions attached to it.

For decades, I have been both amused and frightened at how we react to sexuality and how stuck in the mud we are about something we’ve known about. I sit back and observe bisexuals (in particular) go on and on about how hard it is for them to be bisexual when, really, being bisexual isn’t all that difficult… but we make it difficult. I maintain that bisexuality is very different today than it was when I was growing up with it because it lacked a lot of the conditional things that exists today.

More casual than relationship based and I’m really not joking when I say it was as easy as asking, “Hey, do you wanna do it?” and with the only caveat being “I won’t tell if you won’t.” What was being done wasn’t much of a matter but the key issue was, again, do you wanna do it with me even though we’re both boys (or girls)? And over all this time, I have sat back and watched this get more convoluted and difficult than at any other time I can recall.

And, I think, without many people even noticing, bisexuality – as well as homosexuality – tends to follow the heteronormative norms but this doesn’t surprise me so much because if we don’t know anything, we know “how to be straight” in that sense; how sex is supposed to occur, when it does, even what to do and what not to do. Monogamy, exclusivity, no sex on the first date – and the fact that bi guys are more concerned with the cluster fuck that is dating than they are anything else other than health issues and for this scribble, the disease card is going to stay in the deck.

I shake my head over how something that used to be fairly simple has become anything but simple. The Hearts, Not Parts gang has succeeded in injecting a high degree of heteronormativity into things and that it’s improper behavior to have sex with someone simply because they have the parts you wanna have sex with but even they tend to have lost sight of the fact that very few people have sex with someone without taking the person into consideration, i.e., it’s very damned unlikely for someone to have sex with someone they really don’t like for some reason.

I observe what men put themselves through trying to get some dick… and it’s incredible in its complexity and pretty much bypasses a certain simplicity… but we do live in an era where instant gratification is the watchword of the times – I want what I want and in the exact way I want it – and no substitutes allowed and its non-negotiable. Dick not big enough? Rejected. Not Ken-like in your physical presence? Rejected. Not interested in establishing a relationship? Rejected. Color of your skin not “right?” Rejected. Just want to do a “blow and go?” Rejected.

I understand that it’s a reality people are living with now – it’s just that I can easily and clearly recall when it was never like this. As far as that coming out thing went, well, thanks to the hell homosexuals were being subjected to, oh, fuck no – why give someone a stick to beat you with and even literally so? We still tend to give women a pass on this one because, duh, given how inept men are at delivering both emotional and physical succor in the way women tend to need, who’d blame them for getting with each other when dick, alone, just ain’t gonna cut it? But we continue to give lesbians the stink eye because dick ain’t their thing so much.

And any man who has sex with another man is just the worst motherfucker ever born. And the very worst part about all of this is we still want to believe this even when, again and again, the evidence that refutes all of this is pretty much right in our collective faces; we maintain that just because “I” wouldn’t do some shit like that, no one should.

Cityman and I talk about this a lot at times and he’s more of a “new generation” bisexual man than I am – and even he sees how totally convoluted we – collectively – are about sexuality and how difficult we – collectively – continue to make it just to be able to have sex – period.

And I’ll be damned if I will ever fully understand why we keep behaving like this. But I guess if it was really that easy, anyone – and, perhaps, everyone – would be doing it; perhaps there’s no… challenge in keeping it simple and idiot-proof. Maybe it’s just in our nature to make mountains out of molehills. I don’t know… but I continue to be amazed by it but, then again, I have the advantage of not being new to this.

I started writing this on 03 March but set it aside because after writing the last paragraph, I’d lost my train of thought and realized that my train got derailed because I was getting frustrated. Today is 24 March… and it’s taken all this time to get my head right even though, in the intervening 21 days, I continue to see guys making being bisexual difficult. I get that guys want to be safe and it remains true that the worst nightmare for any bisexual is to be in a relationship… and then with someone who is totally straight and someone who might not understand this bisexual thing when, in and of itself, it’s not really that hard to understand.

Someone on the forum asked a question along the lines of do bi bottom guys behave differently when they’re having sex with a woman – and pegging was part of the person’s statement. I thought it was an odd question and, as usual, a lot of guys responded by talking about what they prefer and what they haven’t done. Myself and a couple of other guys did address the question and even I asked, “Why would anyone think it’s so drastically different?”

As men and having sex with women, we know what the deal is, what’s expected of us and those of us who enjoy having our butts played with are of a mind that if – and it’s a big if – a woman is of a mind to give us the finger, insert a vibrator, or even strap one on and fuck us, well, that’s a huge plus… but, by and large and even generally, some women just ain’t gonna do that and more so when they’re not of a mind to have their own butt messed with.

To that end, some bi guys are bottoms because they can be screwed and something women can’t or won’t do for them. Duh, right? But no matter how we like being with men, we know to “set that aside” when we’re having sex with a woman and especially when we know or are otherwise “certain” that if we were to ask her to put a finger or a toy in our butt, we’re gonna have some explaining to do (and depending on the woman in question, of course).

We nitpick the shit out of this and as if we “want” this to be something other than what it really is and, yeah, it mystifies me and it does frustrate me at times because I’ve not gotten any closer to understanding why we make this harder than it has to be and, again, I grew up at and in a time where it wasn’t so complicated or complex. You either wanted to do it or you didn’t. None of the stuff bi guys today are stating as a hard-set necessity just didn’t exist. If two guys ran into each other and decided that having some kind of sex with each other was a good idea, they just did it and if that top/bottom schism was in play, fine, and if a guy wasn’t of a mind to top or bottom, there was always cock sucking – problem solved, the need for sex taken care of.

I won’t tell if you won’t. Yup – two guys could decide that what they did was a lot of fun and they should try to get together again for more of the same; not exactly FWB but more of a matter of convenience and while it could be said that it was a FWB kind of thing, the thought of anything looking like exclusivity in this was not all that desirable and it was, I guess, understood that there were women to be screwed and other guys who’d want to do it so being jealous or otherwise bent out of shape because your go-to guy was laying the pipe elsewhere just didn’t make any sense.

I sit and read stuff every day and from many different sources and, I gotta admit: Sometimes, I wonder what the hell they’re talking about because they’re talking about something that doesn’t even – or no longer – resembles what I’ve experienced as a bisexual. I’m not talking about the sex so much although, yeah – some of today’s bi guys are pretty freaky. It’s the mindset that has me ranting like this and, as I’ve been observing, a real and serious push to make bisexuality “normal” and, again, in the heteronormative way.

Which, I guess, also means that we need to make this as complicated as we can make it. It is what it is now – not hard for me to really understand that – but my very curious mind wants to know why it’s the way it is now; it questions – and, perhaps, futilely – why the dynamic has morphed into what it is today, like behaving like bisexuals but insisting that they’re not and that the word itself doesn’t apply to them.

And I remain the one bi guy who is asking, “What the fuck is going on with this and where the fuck are we going with it?” That more men and women are embracing bisexuality is, in my opinion, a good thing; that more men and women are overly complicating thing just continues to amaze and baffle me.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s not really that difficult. The heteronormative agenda that says any kind of intimacy shouldn’t be done without some sort of commitment isn’t invalid… but it’s still not the only way to go about being bi because, for many, it’s still about the sex and it’s been proven – and frowned upon – that one can have amazing sex without having to commit to more than that. No – one just doesn’t really jump into bed with just anyone but when I look at what guys are setting as conditions in this, wow.

Just wow. I’m seeing bi guys setting conditions that would make a lot of women look as if they have no conditions of their own… and we do know how conditional women are and I even know why. Guys are now harder to engage with than women are and I’ve found myself revising an earlier opinion that men were easier to get next to than women. That used to true… but it no longer is.

Guys who make it really easy to bed them are now the bad guys. I see guys creating and stating preferences that, upon further review, tend to guarantee that they’re never gonna find a guy to be with or they’re gonna be highly pissed when the guy they do manage to get with doesn’t want to be his boyfriend or exclusive lover. And when I ask guys why they’re making this harder than it has to be, whew, either they can’t really answer the question or I get to hear some stuff about it’s what they want and the way they want it and if they can’t get it that way, that’s a problem.

It’s not that guys aren’t aware that by having such stringent preferences and conditions they lessen and decrease their chances to get what they want in this… but many are not of a mind to make it easier for themselves even when, logically, it makes sense to keep it simple… and I really don’t understand why and, yeah, it frustrates me and makes me rant like I’ve lost my mind.

I’m not really stuck in the past and not really all that set in my ways because I do understand how dynamic this all is – it’s subject to change and, boy, is it ever changing! I’m just the guy who needs to know why it’s changing and in the way it is and not just go along with it and without giving any thought about it. While it’s slowly becoming acceptable for people to be bisexual, it seems conditional, i.e., if you do it the way things have always been done, that’s fine but if you keep doing shit the way it used to be done – let’s just have sex and without any strings involved – well, you’re not doing it right. If you make it easy for someone to take you to bed and have sex with you, you’re not doing it right.

And I guess if you’re not making it horribly difficult to do anything, you’re not doing it right either. Maybe it’s just the way we are, that doing things the easy way is… too easy? Doesn’t make it challenging?

Okay, I’m finally done ranting. I see it; I see what’s happening and where this is going. I don’t yet know why it’s going the way it is and, even with my own biases intact, that we’re making this whole bisexual thing very complicated just defies logic as I understand it.

It’s like what Cityman asked one day when we were talking about this: Why can’t two guys just get together even if all they do is blow each other? I said, “Because for some reason, that’s just too easy – it makes too much sense, I guess. When you run into a guy who’s into this and he tells you that he’d go to bed with you if you were taller (or some other thing), well, I’m thinking there’s something wrong here; there’s a disconnect happening that, perhaps, shouldn’t happen – yet it does.”

“You might not agree to do something with a guy who just walks up to you and propositions you but if y’all talk some more about it and it’s deemed doable, well, why not? Except, it’s not that easy, is it? And the thing is that I can’t tell you why it’s not as easy as it appears to be… or it used to be: I just know it isn’t.”

I love poking Cityman by pointing out how he lets his preferences dictate what he does and doesn’t do. I point out to him that if a nice-looking white guy made him an offer he felt okay with, well, he’d turn it down… and in favor of what he prefers – older men who aren’t Caucasian. I poke him – a lot – to get him to explain this and it’s not that I don’t understand what he says about it… but I ask him whether he thinks that his reasoning tends to make him exclude and miss the kind of connections he wants to have, he says that he knows that it does… and he has a hard time stepping away from his preferences as well as being able to explain why he can’t.

And a lot of guys are like that and it serves to pique my curiosity even more because such guys know for a fact that they’re not helping their cause in this but are rarely able to change.

Amazing. Confusing and, yeah, frustrating. We make this harder than it has to be and all up and down the spectrum of sexuality. And I’ll be damned if I know why… but I’m still trying to find out why.

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Posted by on 24 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Xbox One Gaming: What I Built

I figured it out but I still have to get in touch with the OneDrive support group and get them to answer some questions for me but, here’s a top-down view of the structure I tried to describe yesterday! For reference, the front of the building is to the right. This picture doesn’t really show the details so much, not like you could see it being in the game.

Man… I do so love the roof on this place and especially the middle section which, again – and in the first version of this structure – it took me a while to figure out how to close it up. Imagine, if you can, if that middle section wasn’t there and the four side “extensions” weren’t there and the structure is just a straight “line” kind of thing. Without them, closing the roof was easy but when I added the middle section and created the four side extensions, yeah – I was racking my brain trying to figure out how to make it work.

I had taken a screenshot of the interior and uploaded it to OneDrive… and it’s not there even though my Xbox said it was uploaded. I’ll try it again later and show it to you but, yesterday, I was standing inside the place and wondering what else I could do with it and added some “arches” that appear to support the crossbeams I’d put in – they look pretty cool, I think.

As I stood there, I found myself being kinda awed at what I’d created. I’m no master Minecraft builder by any stretch of the imagination but I realized that this was the largest structure I’d ever built and the most detailed one. Now, the first big structure I built was supposed to be a castle of sorts… and it turned into something other than that (I’ll try to screen print it and show you that one); it took several iterations before it got to it’s final form and I can build one in about an hour and compared to the three days it took me to build the first one.

It took that long because I had to make a mountain disappear. Anyway, I’m on the inside, taking in the latest change I had made and I was “reliving” how I was flying around all over the place to build the roof, adding the crossbeams and the “chandeliers” needed to light the inside as much as I could without it looking overdone.

And I thought, “I built this…” and, without getting a big head about it, well, I was impressed over how a dream about a column turned into what you see in the picture. But I’ll let you in on something. When I built the first iteration of the structure you see, it pretty much wore me out because, again, I not only built the place but I had to landscape the ground it sat on. If you look at the above picture, I can tell you that it wasn’t as flat as it looks and you can see, along the top edge of the area, where it looks like I cut out a section like a piece of cake. There were huge holes in the ground, many filled with water that I not only had to cover up but fill in with sand first.

Learned a lesson about that in the last build of this. If you look at the edges where the water is, much of the ground you see had to be added and filled in with sand so that accidentally digging up a block of the ground wouldn’t send you on a swim so the outside edges along the water were made to be solid. So after building that last iteration – it required much more landscaping than in the one you see above – I told myself I wasn’t going to build another one.

And then I built the one you see here… and I started building another one in a different world but in a different texture pack. Those who Minecraft knows about the many texture packs available; the one you see is called “ChromaHills” and is now my favorite pack. The one I started is built in a texture pack called “BD Craft” which I found works very well with building one of these things.

As I started laying out the base for the new structure, I asked myself, “What are you doing?” and more so since I have to remove a huge – hill? – that’s blocking what I want to see when I look out of the front door. I got one side of the structure set down but there’s a lot of ground I have to fill in to level things out and set the borders and it’s going to take me hours to get this done. It is painstaking work and to answer my own question, I’m building another one because I don’t really have anything else to do but it also tests my patience and focus; going through all of this serves the purpose of not allowing me to think about the neuropathic pain I have left over by my stroke that still lives with me.

It’s also a memory test since I can’t go back and look at the last one as a reference. Well, I could – but that means exiting that world and opening the last one – and I’d still have to remember what I went there to look at but to me, eh, that would be too easy – the challenge is to remember how I built the last one without having to look at the last one.

Some method to my apparent madness… and it is madness in a way given the way I’m going about reshaping the land and doing things that I really don’t have to do… but if I’m gonna do it, I feel compelled to make it as perfect as I can. As I set to work on the new place, I was already thinking about the roof which, admittedly, is the hardest part to construct and, just as I did with the structure you see here, I started to abandon it; you’d have to try to build it in order to get an idea how much of a pain in the ass it really is.

Oh, yeah… I tried to write down how I built this place and that proved to be more difficult than actually building the place. My son-in-law suggested maybe creating a video of myself building it and putting it on YouTube and it’s a good idea albeit one that made my brain shut down since I have no idea how to do that and understanding that anyone who’d be crazy enough to watch it would spend a lot of time watching it given how long it takes to build it. I could do a video capture on my Xbox… and I’m sure it would exceed the limits imposed and such a file would be stupid big.

Still, I will try to write it down but I can feel my mind balking at this just to think about doing that. I’m pretty sure my lady thinks – or continues to believe – that I’ve lost my mind because I’m sure she can hear me talking to myself as I go about the build and even when I have nothing to say to myself, I’m sure she can hear the controller clicking away as I’m doing stuff.

Shit… I keep scrolling up and looking at that top-down shot… and I’m so in love with the roof and its pattern – and I still wish you could see it from the inside (damn you, OneDrive). Compared to my first big build, this structure is easily twice as big if not bigger.

My next trick, if I decide to do it, is to build this structure in Survival mode which will call for acquiring a shitload of materials and creating many, many more. I haven’t figured out how to build the middle section of the roof without falling off and dying and I’m thinking that even if I figure it out, it’s going to take a very long time to do it. I have nothing but time on my hands but there is a limit to my patience. I haven’t bothered to do the math for how many blocks it actually takes to build the base and the twenty fully built columns.

In my head, I know it starts on the left and, again with a nine-block square and as I write this I know it’s a repeating pattern of nine, four, eight – just for one column. Then 23, 9, 4, 8, 11, 11, 23 and continuing this pattern until all twenty columns have been placed. The math is easy – I just don’t fucking feel like doing it. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many total blocks it takes to build thing and, as an aside, if there was a change to the base game I’d recommend to Microsoft and Mojang, it would be to have the ability to see how many blocks used to build something… and I wouldn’t want to be the one who’d try to code this.

Cobblestone, two types of glass, granite, stripped wood. In Survival mode, I would be scavenging a lot of materials, which would call for a lot of mining and cutting down a shitload of whatever trees to get the wood I’d have to strip for the crossbeams alone… and then replanting the trees since in some locations, there aren’t that many trees starting out or, as I’ve seen, the kind of wood I’m looking for just isn’t in the immediate area. The only saving grace is that I’d do this in Peaceful mode – there is no way in hell I’d do this in any other mode and find myself fighting for my life while trying to do all of this.

Minecraft purists might say I’m a pussy for using Creative mode… and I’m just gonna be a pussy and besides, it’s my game and I’ll play it the way I want to.

So there you have it. I’m now going to crank up the Xbox and get back to work on the new structure that I really don’t need to build – but I’m gonna do it just because I can. While this structure pales in comparison to those I’ve seen other people – including my son-in-law – build, I am unashamedly proud of what I’ve built.

Oh, here’s a link to a view of the structure from the front and from above:

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Posted by on 22 March 2020 in Xbox One Gaming


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Xbox One Gaming: Minecrafting

I wish y’all could see what I’ve been working on in Minecraft; for some reason, my console allows me to send screen captures to my OneDrive accounts but when I do that, the capture isn’t there so I don’t know what’s going on with that. But, let me start from the beginning…

I had a dream about a new structure – no, seriously, I did – that came about after I was messing around with an underwater temple and, in particular, doing something with its support columns. I’ve already built one of these things on dry land but the columns got my attention so I went about designing and building something based on the support columns and how I had modified them.

The first iteration actually turned out well even though I really had no idea what I was building. I created the column I dreamt of – and just one – and from there I spent the next several hours building something from that one column and, wow, it turned out pretty good if I may say so myself. After I got it finished, I started thinking about how I could not only do it faster but improve upon it as well as making it a good place to live when playing in Survival mode – and the first version was built in Survival mode and, to my credit, I managed to build it without falling off of it and killing myself.

Lemme see if I can put the build into words. The column starts with a nine-block square at the base; I then added four blocks to the center of the nine-block square, then at the third block from the bottom, added a nine-block top to the column. Going from left to right, I laid down 11 blocks and put another column at the end of it and repeated this process until I got back to where I started. I then climbed on top of the first column and at the fourth block I had placed, ran a line of blocks across the entire top until, again, I got back to where I started. Now to put a roof on it.

I wasn’t going to settle for a flat roof so I climbed up on the top row of blocks and began to essentially build a giant triangle shape to form the front side of the roof. Got down, went to the back side of the structure and did the same thing and, wow, they were pretty high up and to the point where had I fallen from the top, I would have died and have to respawn. Next came a crossbeam to connect the front and back sides of the roof’s frame.

Hitting the B button to crouch down – and so I wouldn’t fall off – I laid a line of blocks from one end to the other which was slow going. I then went to the middle section and using the B button again, created a bunch of blocks as steps to make a connection to the main crossbeam, then repeated it on the other side. I got done with this, took a huge drink of water and asked myself, “Okay… now what?”

To complete the roof – and starting at the top of the structure, I started to lay down blocks of glass across the entire top; the next row was all cobblestone and I continued this pattern until the roof was completed. Now it was about filling in the sides in a way to create windows that formed a pattern – and that was the easiest thing I did. Once that was done, now it was time to replace the grass and dirt with a “real” floor so using granite and stripped birch wood blocks, I laid down a geometric pattern which took quite a while to visualize and lay down and – voila – my newest creation was complete… and immediately not good enough.

I have since gone through four iterations of this building. I changed the basic shape of it by adding a middle section because, when looking at it, it just made sense and it would expand the building sideways as well as lengthwise. Now, I did this both in Creative and Survival modes; the challenge was to be able to build it in Survival because doing it in Creative is way easier since you can float around up high. It took longer than the original building, of course, but once I had the basic concept in mind, it wasn’t that bad where time was concerned.

I wound up doing something different with the flooring which, again, took me a bit longer to visualize and execute but, in the end, I was very happy with the results… and not so much. Looking at the new structure, I saw that it could be bigger overall and more so when, by creating a middle to it, well, bigger just made sense. At this point, I had been thinking about making it a storied structure with two or three floors but I thought that in Survival mode, I was gonna die and I hate dying in that game so instead of building up, I used the middle section to dig downward; added steps and dug out rooms on both sides. Other versions of this version had me digging out multiple rooms to serve as bedrooms since, occasionally, the family will pop into my game and needs a place to sleep so outfitting the place with some necessities also made sense.

I was extremely happy with the new configuration and especially the different geometric patterns I could make with the floor… but it could be bigger and better. Which led to the first “supersized” structures… and now things get funny. Building things in Minecraft seems to work best when using an uneven number of blocks, like, a 10x10x10x10 base doesn’t lend itself to symmetry like a 11x11x11x11 base does. So for the supersized version, I thought about some sections having 11 blocks and some having 22 blocks, the thought here being to make the structure twice as big… and making a very rookie mistake.

In order to build the bigger versions, I needed a large, flat space which found me literally spending hours landscaping shit until it was as flat as I needed, from tearing down huge hills to filling in deep holes. My daughter has a things about cutting down trees and not replacing them so I had a good time laughing about the fact that I was mowing down trees left and right and not bothering to replace them since the world I was creating the building in weren’t going to be used to play in Survival mode.

Yeah… I told her about that and she wasn’t happy… but back to the mistake.

I’d spent a few hours landscaping the shit out of a world I could work with, laid down the base by doing 11 blocks between some columns and 22 blocks between others but when I went to put on the roof which, by the way, went from the original simple version to something a lot more complicated due to the middle section, I spend long minutes trying to figure out why the “triangle” wasn’t ending in a single block and as it should.

Um, it was because I used 22 blocks at both ends… instead of 23. I’m not even gonna say a whole lot of the several supersized versions I screwed up because I miscounted blocks, okay? But with the structure I was now working on – with the base already completed, shit – I wasn’t going to start over in a new world, not after it took me three hours to sculpt the land they way I needed it, leaving the only real choice to pretty much tear it all down and put in the right number of blocks for the long sections – 23 instead of 22… while all the while kicking myself in the ass for making such a stupid mistake in the first place.

But I got it done and checked my work by flying up and looking down on the frame and seeing that all 20 columns – yeah, 20 of them – were lined up properly. Now to get to work on the roof. The original roof design was easy; the expanded version with the middle section had me confused because with the way the roof is constructed, the middle section doesn’t match up with, say, the front and back sections although they are the same height. So I had to figure out how to make the roof work… and that took at least two hours for me to figure out.

Oh, I wish you could see the completed roof! It is absolutely beautiful and it’s geometric shape is so comforting to the eye. Still – and this is where it gets even funnier – I had a big issue with the supersized version of the large roof; for some reason, I couldn’t figure out how to get it connected so that it looked like its predecessors. Well, I figured it out; the earlier versions of this roof were built from the bottom up – this roof had to be built from the top down and once I realized this, the rest of the roof went quickly.

With the 23-block areas, I wanted to turn them into rooms so I could use the middle section for storage and an enchantment room and doing that wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Every iteration of this building has a lower crossbeam and I use it to connect it to the top of the building with fenceposts – it really looks cool – and I could then hang lanterns under the crossbeams to provide lighting… but the supersized building present a problem at this point – not enough light so I had to come up with an additional way to light the place with lanterns and not resorting to torches. Additionally, and keeping with the original design, that lower crossbeam has stripped wood blocks in between the cobblestone blocks that are used to support and connect the lower crossbeam to the roof.

Yeah… this place is getting very complicated now but I’ve committed to finishing it even while questioning my sanity in building it in the first place. So to put things into perspective, I started this supersized version two days ago… and I’m still not completely finished with it. I got the inside done including yet another design for the floor. I chose to surround the building with leaf blocks… then frame whole areas with a double row of leaf blocks to keep the frigging animals out, which is a waste of time since the game just spawns them every- and anywhere, like the four horses I had roaming around inside the building. I replaced all the grass on the outside with green cement powder; those damned sheep really piss me off eating the grass and leaving brown spots behind… but I realized that using the cement powder tends to cause sea turtles to show up. Oh, well.

I had to do some additional landscaping since I more or less want all sides of the enclosed area to be equal. I had to add outside lighting; I had to create a more textured area for the flat sides that support the roof by using steps – then, into the face of each flat side, carve out a space using a 1-3-5-7-9 thingy to put in windows at the top, which is pretty cool since looking through those windows – and you can only do it in Creative mode – you can see the lower crossbeam and the “chandeliers” I constructed on each of the “beams” that connects the lower crossbeam to the roof itself.

I wound up creating eight rooms in this structure and after I kill the chickens that are squatting in them, I have to put in beds and stuff as well as create a floor pattern for each room. I know it’s probably hard to envision this so I’m gonna invite anyone who has Minecraft to friend me on Xbox Live – my gamertag is Smartkdaddy (and I hate that tag, by the way) and come take a look at what I think is the best thing I’ve ever built in Minecraft since the system doesn’t seem to want to let me share the screen prints I made. I tried taking a picture of it with my phone and iPad… but it’s not a good picture so if you want to see it, come pay me a visit.

And I’m online right now and will be finishing my work on the supersized place.

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Posted by on 20 March 2020 in Xbox One Gaming


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Today's Bisexual Thoughts: The Hassle

As early as 1970 or so, part of the “running joke” about switch-hitters – aka, bisexuals – was that they’d fuck anything moving, wearing pants or a dress, and above ambient temperature. Even upon hearing this, this… slight was more about bisexual men than women. As the “joke” spread, I’d started hearing about how greedy we were as well as being confused; they weren’t saying that we were in denial about being gay – yet – but they just assumed that all bisexuals were gay whether we tried to deny it or not. The more I heard the snide remarks and back-handed comments, the clearer it became that these references were, again, more about bi guys than bi gals but the ladies weren’t immune from the prejudice: They were all man-hating “bull dyke” lesbians.

The perception was that switch-hitters were running wild, having sex willy-nilly and, well, from my perspective, that seemed to have some truth to it but we were also well into the sexual revolution at that time and people everywhere was screwing like rabbits, taking the chant, “Make love, not war!” to heart and literally so.

That along with, “If it feels good, do it.” And, um, since it did feel good, it was getting done and sexuality – and even in our limited understanding at the time, didn’t seem to really play into things. Since homosexuals were getting a lot of unwanted attention – and switch-hitters were batting from both sides of the plate, whatever promiscuity gays were being accused of landed on bisexuals with twice the weight and ire.

So the stigma was up and running, causing homosexuals to be subjected to a lot of hate and, as a result, driving bisexuals deep underground and a “process” made easier because even back then, you couldn’t look a someone and tell if they were bisexual, not like you could almost easily and effortlessly identify homosexuals… even if they weren’t flaunting their sexuality for all to see.

Still, if you were bisexual at this time, getting laid – from either side of the plate – wasn’t that difficult and, as a caveat, I’ll say that it depended upon where you lived; where I lived, sure – there was more pussy and dick to be had and more so given the number of very horny teenagers running around in the 1970s (and, yeah, I was one of them). Bisexuals had to tread carefully lest they get outed and tagged as being gay which could result in great ridicule or, sadly, physical harm… and all someone had to do was to have a beef with you, start a rumor that you played for both teams, and now you’d find yourself stuck with a reputation for being a homo, faggot, queer, etc..

By the time HIV arrived on the scene in the late 1970s/early 1980s, homosexual men were being targeted more than ever before, driving bisexuals even deeper underground so as not to keep getting confused with homosexuals but the “switch-hitter” jokes were still in play and I’ll say that, again, from my perspective, they were merely a way to get under someone’s skin and get them riled up more than they were an actual accusation but, sure, a lot of people I knew – including myself – would sometimes have someone roll up on them and say something like, “I hear you go both ways – is that true?”

And even if the person being asked was as straight as a ruler. So the innuendo that bisexuals were running around screwing everyone without a care in the world was really bullshit but, as you probably know, people are more likely to believe the bullshit than they are to believe the truth. Even still – and despite all this drama – if you were bisexual, it wasn’t that much of a hassle to scratch your itches when you needed to and more so when, in a lot of cases, some of the people ranting and raving about playing for both teams were, themselves, playing for both teams as well.

Let’s now skip ahead to the here and now. Probably more bisexuals in the mix than at any other time but where being bi used to be a joke, it’s now a condemnation and, if you’re male, that’s worse than being gay. While some bisexuals gird their loins and come out as being bi, many more witness the backlash and remain “in the closet” and find themselves being driven deeper underground even though there’s probably no one who doesn’t know what being on the down-low means. I’ve seen many instances where there are people who, for some reason I don’t pretend to understand, are so insular in their mindset that to them, bisexual is synonymous with homosexual. Women have been riled up big time against bisexual men and more than I can remember in days gone by thanks to all the bullshit going around about bisexuality, I guess a lot of women just assume that if the guy they’re with (or interested in) is even suspected of being bisexual, well, ain’t he the worst motherfucker ever born?

And even if it isn’t true that homey is bi. At times, you’ll see me write that this behavior isn’t as new as it appears to be because a lot of the things being said about bisexuals – and bisexual men, in particular – are very similar to what I heard said about homosexual men. The double standard where it’s a “crime” for a guy to be bi but not so much for a woman to be bi has grown a lot although, again, bi gals don’t really get that much of a pass being bi because, as “everyone knows,” they’re just faking the funk to get their hands on a man since, you know, all men think that having a bisexual woman is the greatest thing ever.

Even when that sentiment isn’t as true as one might think. I write a lot about what I see where men trying to get some dick goes; I often get… wistful and sigh a lot (and roll my eyes) to see how some guys are behaving in this and how they’re going about things and in ways that makes being bisexual more of a hassle now than at any other time I can recall.

I am really and seriously not kidding or joking when I say that back in the day, all you had to do was ask a guy if he wanted to do it and either he did or he didn’t. Maybe a little backlash but not really that much if you guessed wrong about the guy (or he guessed wrongly about you). Comparatively speaking, it really was easier to get the dick you wanted than it is today and while the increased and ongoing angst is responsible for a lot of the lack of easiness, the reason why getting some dick is so terribly difficult stems from how difficult guys are making it.

Bi women have a different kind of problem. I don’t think they purposely make it hard on themselves to get a woman but, as mentioned, they have their own stigma to deal with and there are a lot of men who just do not think having a bisexual girlfriend/wife is an ideal situation and, as a result, you either have a whole lot of very depressed women walking around or, yeah, they’re getting some on the side anyway. Part of the stigma bi women have always had to deal with is the dreaded threesome and something that not all women are interested in even if they aren’t bisexual. A lot of bi women are just not of a mind to reveal their sexuality because it’s almost a given that someone is gonna mention a threesome and they can get so pissy about it that you can’t even joke with them about it.

There are a lot of women who want to be able to express their bisexuality but old school thinking about relationships and the dreaded threesome thing keeps them stuck in place and miserably so. Even worse for some ladies, they can be a with a guy who is okay with his gal being bi… as long as he can get in on the action or, much, much worse, wants to control everything she does in this and that includes picking the woman he thinks is the right one for her and dictating what they can do, when they can do it, stuff like that.

I sit back and observe all of this and ask myself, “What the hell is going on?” and mostly because, again, I can clearly remember a time when the hassle wasn’t this bad. I talk a lot about how the dynamic has changed and some of the changes haven’t been what I’d call good ones. Yes – more men and women are checking out this bisexual thing and embracing it despite the ongoing bullshit being flung all over the place.

It’s just much harder for a bisexual to be bisexual even though the social angst is slowly but surely losing steam and power; I find it quite curious to see that a lot of the angst against bisexuals and bisexuality isn’t coming from heterosexuals even though it’s being said that straight folks are the main ones up in arms about this bisexual thing… and it’s not them making the most noise about it.

There’s a certain… logic that can be applied here and, for the most part, it’s rather simple (nah, not really but bear with me on this). One can set their intelligence to the task of stating the case of why being bisexual can make sense and more so when no matter what a lot of people think, not all bisexuals have the sex that’s possible; some are quite happy just being aware of their feelings in this, thank you very much.

Or, as Cityman loves to say, “If you can do it, why not?” The reality says that if you want to, you can, and even if your reason for doing so only makes sense to you… but a lot of people who might want to won’t… because it’s such a hassle. Between this refocused angst to an incredibly stubborn mindset that’s still present in society, one can easily make the case for themselves to check out bisexuality but it’s at this point where the logic tends to fail and no matter how impeccable it is. Oh, you can, you know, if you want to, jump on the bandwagon… if you don’t give a flying fuck about the backlash that’s most certainly going to come your way and backlash that I’ve found is more based in emotion than in actual intellectually derived fact.

The hassle is impressively oppressive and that’s not a good thing. Each and every day, I get to watch guys writing about how terribly difficult it is for them to do something about their sexuality but not understanding that a lot of their difficulties is of their own doing, that and more people today are very worried about what someone is going to say about them than, again, any other time I can remember. I see men being pickier and funnier about getting with guys and to the extent that it’s starting to make being able to get with a woman look downright easy – and we all know that it was never easy to begin with. It is disheartening to see so many women being cowed and forced to suppress their thoughts and feelings in this and all because of what someone else thinks and/or says about it.

And I’m not really sure what the true root cause of this is. The hassle is really and truly the motherfucker to end all motherfuckers; I see people going out of their way to make this harder than it has to be; I see guys whining and complaining about not being able to find someone they can explore the possibilities with… while doing absolutely nothing toward getting what they want. They set the bar really high; if you’re not exactly and precisely what they want and in every aspect, you’re dismissed and deemed unacceptable. The many apps available, sure, they’re a cluster fuck into themselves but if they don’t do anything, they let other guys know that there’s a lot more dick available where they live than they want to believe.

A guy on the forum was talking about being unable to find a friend he can do something with and it made me ask, “What are you doing to make that happen?” And, amazingly, a lot of guys are, again, doing absolutely nothing. They don’t want to use an app, don’t want to get out and socialize anywhere there might be other bisexuals; they express an ongoing frustration about not being able to tell whether a guy is bi or not… and it remains true, at least in my experiences, that you just cannot look a guy and tell that he’s bi or even has his own thoughts about being bi.

I’ve seen guys setting criteria and preferences that I find… incredible and, in some cases, highly unrealistic; it’s like they’re doing everything they can think of not to do what they say they very much want to do. I see guys who actually believe that if you hook up with some random guy, you’re going to get very badly infected with something and as a matter of course while believing that having what amounts to a boyfriend is totally safer.

And it makes me rhetorically ask, “What the fuck?” See, I grew up in a time where the last thing a bi guy wanted to do was be in a relationship with another man; hook up and do each other and as much as can be done? Sure! If the sex was that good, why not get more of it… as long as it was still in the NSA mode. As an aside, a lot of gay men just flat out didn’t like us because of the lack of interest in being a boyfriend – where do you think that shit about bisexuals not being able to commit came from?

If you had a friend and y’all discovered that, hmm, we could have sex with each other – think bro-job at the very least – all well and good and more so when the two of you hanging out a lot wouldn’t draw a lot of suspicion.

Today? Wow. Guys are more relationship-minded and while there’s some sense to this, what it really does it make the hassle more of a hassle, you know, given the number of very willing men and dicks that are obviously out there.

I’m thinking that any time a guy turns me down because I don’t have a nine-plus inch dick, there’s something not quite right going on. If a guy turns me down because I merely trim my pubic hair – but not use a razor on my junk – yeah, something’s wrong here. When I see a bunch of guys bemoaning casual sex like it’s the most evil thing ever, my god, what is going on here? Why is this being made into more of a hassle than anything else?

And when I see guys bitching and moaning about not being able to find a guy to throw it down with – and they’re not doing anything to help their cause – yeah, there’s something really wrong going on… and I can’t seem to point to any one thing that explains this behavior. True enough – a lot of bisexuals, both male and female, are thumbing their noses at the social angst and doing what they gotta do to get what they want and need and if anyone ain’t liking it, well, it sucks to be them.

Many are embracing bisexuality because they understand that, ultimately, the responsibility for their satisfaction is theirs and theirs alone and relying on one person to take care of every need they may have in this is unrealistic and the very old way of doing things which many people are also seeing how archaic this school of thought is and it truly isn’t keeping up with how people have changed over all this time.

That and it remains true that if you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna do it and by any means necessary… but so many are running into problems when it comes to doing it and many of those problems are of their own creation, again, making it harder for themselves than it has to be – or even should be.

And not doing much about making things happen for themselves. Avoiding Mr. Right Now like the plague while waiting for a Mr. Right to fall out of the sky and onto their dicks or in their mouth or butt while making the criteria for Mr. Right damned near impossible to reach or meet. Once upon a time, there were two ways you could get the dick you wanted: Go looking for it or just be somewhere you could be found.

Can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve been somewhere and minding my own business and have guys hit on me… and I wasn’t even looking to get hit on or even feeling a need to partake of some cock.

The hassle, as it exists right now, is very real – I just don’t quite understand why it’s such a hassle. We are, in fact, more knowledgeable about same-sex stuff because, after all, we’ve had all this time to watch homosexuals fighting for their right to be homosexual. We know – and have always known – that there are bisexuals even though the recent insanity gives one the impression that such a thing is impossible. Much of society is pretty NIMBY about it; what you do is your business as long as you don’t involve me or mine.

Yet, this continues to be a very major hassle. I dunno… maybe it’s just in our nature to make things more difficult than they should be and because bisexuality is becoming more visible, the hassle is much more visible… but I’m of a mind that the social angst isn’t totally and completely responsible for how… intense the hassle is these days. Again, many are ignoring the angst and seeing it for the childish behavior it really is. Many aren’t giving the morality of this behavior much in the way of weight because at the very least, it’s just being able to have sex and, not to be rude or anything, but it’s none of your fucking business who I’m having sex with and how I’m doing it.

Many people in relationships are seeing the sense in allowing themselves to explore the possibilities and more so when sex isn’t the only benefit that can be experienced. A lot of poly folks have bisexuals in their groups because, hmm, why not? Their sexual preference is more like gravy than it is a problem since, again, they bring other things to the table other than their libido and sexual duality. So, in many ways, the hassle is being dealt with and in some positive ways…

But it’s still a bitch and a motherfucker for a lot of people to find themselves caught up in the hassle… and more so when chances are they’re the reason why being bisexual is such a hassle in the first place.

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Posted by on 19 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Let’s Do It Again

If I’m still writing about cock sucking, it’s because the forum’s membership has, once more, ramped up discussions about it and it remains the number one topic of discussion.

So… one day, Cityman and I were having yet another of our conversations about this and with the rhetorical question of, “Why don’t more men get into sucking dick?” at the forefront. He’s of a mind that men can achieve a higher level of bonding with each other this way and I don’t disagree with him except to say that while male bonding is an important aspect in our development, eh, when it comes to putting mouth to cock, our intentions aren’t always that altruistic.

In some of the conversations I checked out one of the things I noticed was how a lot of guys would answer a general kind of question with what they prefer to do and, of continuing interest, what they haven’t done. Granted, everyone has an opinion about, well, everything but I’ve noticed that when there’s a guy who, at least from my perspective, is looking for information that will help him make the decision to suck a dick or to leave it alone, sometimes, the responses given, in my opinion, aren’t always all that helpful, like, a guy who has never sucked a dick will put his two cents worth in about something he’s not actually done – but he has some thoughts about it.

Which, I guess, is better than asking a question and no one responds to it.

A guy asked a question about not being able to get away from sucking dick; apparently, he’s tried to give it up but has found that he can’t – does anyone else feel the same way? Now, this is the kind of question that can pop into a guy’s mind when it dawns on him that, holy shit, I’m hooked on this dick sucking thing! For whatever reason, he feels the need to step away from it but he can’t and more than anything else, he’s really wondering if there’s something very wrong with him or if this inability to give up cock sucking is fairly normal.

The answer is yeah, it’s pretty normal and to quote – or misquote – that famous movie line, “Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in!” Or something like that. If one responds by saying something about how much they like sucking dick – or that they’ve yet to suck one, nah – not helping a whole lot.

Back to Cityman’s rhetorical question for a moment or two. We’ve opined that if the stigma against male cock sucking were to just go away, that the people who remain squeamish about this would just understand that men have always been sucking each other off (which is why it’s a taboo in the first place), then perhaps guys blowing each other would be… easier? Just par for the course? There are a lot of guys who want to suck cock and, off the top of my head, there are three reasons why they haven’t:

  1. They’re terribly afraid of catching something.
  2. They’re very concerned about the stigma landing on them and getting their head handed to them.
  3. Some guys are actually worried that if they do it, they’re gonna like it… and won’t be able to stop doing it.

There are probably some more reasons I can think of – and could list – but I haven’t finished drinking my coffee yet – you know how that goes, right?

One of the more difficult informational things guys have a hard time responding to is, “What is it like to suck cock?” And I’ve seen few guys actually try to explain it and I know that even I have a hard time putting it into words. And even in this, you can see guys who’ve never sucked a dick offering their opinion on what they think it would be like if they ever got around to doing it. Helpful? I guess so… but while opinion is all well and good, the voice of experience is much more helpful… but then you gotta be able to answer such a question with as much objectivity as one can manage and not allow a potential answered to be colored by one’s biases, preferences and, yeah, bad experiences.

One possible answer to Cityman’s rhetorical question could be that more men aren’t getting into cock sucking because of what we don’t know about it and an overall inability to really state the pros and cons about it. What are the benefits if all men were “allowed” to suck cock? What are the downsides? And, I think, because we tend to focus more on the downside of this than we do any positive aspects, well, it’d be difficult to convince guys that it would be a good thing to just get out there and suck some dick and let some guys suck theirs.

It’s not helpful for a guy to ask the membership if he should kinda say, “Fuck it…” and just go ahead and suck cock like he wants to… when there are a bunch of guys telling him that if he does, he’s gonna get sick and die or offering up their reasons for why they haven’t taken the plunge and sucked a dick or basically telling him that he should get an exclusive boyfriend before doing it because to pick some random guy from some app or other source is dangerous.

Going about sucking a guy’s cock for the first time – and no matter how much information you manage to obtain before the fact – is still some very scary shit. As stated time and time again, it’s not like we – men – don’t know that guys do suck each other because we do know this. We can, um, go to PornHub or some other site and see it and in some pretty outrageous ways.

And, yet, even armed with this information and being aware of the potential risks – and how to prevent them from cropping up – it’s still pretty fucking scary. And, yeah – having a guy go down on you for that first time is just as scary… and no matter how many times a guy has had a woman go down on him. The perception is that there’s some huge difference going on here when, in fact, there isn’t. We’ve had a great sense of homophobia pounded into our heads and, sheesh, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a guy say he won’t do it because he’s afraid it’s going to make him gay, I’d have a fleet of Lamborghinis to speed around town in.

It’s not what we know that stops this from being a “universal and accepted” thing for men to do – it’s what we don’t know and the fact that cock sucking is more subjective than objective and, even in this, there isn’t a clear cut way to put it into words. I can look inside my head and I know exactly why I love cock sucking… and you’ve seen me trying to explain it… and I still can’t really explain it because there just aren’t any words in any language that can get the job done. So, by and large, we wind up attempting to simplify it and with whatever words we have in our verbal arsenal. Sometimes it’s helpful… and sometimes it generates more questions than answers.

The biggest deterrent is social. The angst. The stigma. I tend to agree with Cityman that if this shit didn’t exist, a lot of dicks would get sucked. If there wasn’t so much fear mongering taking place, ditto. If there wasn’t all the psychobabble and this… nutty push for men to be in a relationship before giving up their cock to be sucked, yeah, maybe – just maybe – more guys would be blowing each other. If women didn’t have such a negative view about male cock suckers, sure, more guys would be doing each other and maybe even taking the pressure off of women to do this thing.

If we had a better and more open mindset about men blowing each other, a lot of men would be happily blowing each other. Those guys who haven’t done it and by their lack of actual experience wouldn’t be offering up their mostly uninformed opinions? Oh, they’d have a much more informed opinion…

If the social angst and stigma would just hurry the fuck up and go away. It continues to amaze the daylights out of me to see how much we – men – don’t know about this… and despite what is known about it. We suck each other off. We’ve always done this and if for no other reason than it can be done. It feels good to do it and to have it done. Yes, it is risky… but it’s well-known that sex has always been risky – again, there’s a reason why sex has forever been known to be dirty and nasty.

More men would be sucking cock if the belief that we shouldn’t do this were to fade into history. For a lot of men, the problem really isn’t doing it – the problem is fighting through the long-held belief that it should never be done. It’s just not all that easy to suspend belief and to override the social conditioning that prohibits this behavior in men. Then there’s that really fucked up double standard that says if “Jean” wants to eat “Helen’s” pussy, well, okay – that’s cool since there aren’t that many men who are really that good at it and our habitual emotional disconnect can make a girl being eaten a less than pleasant thing for her to endure and as opposed to how much emotion women can bring in this.

If the stigma didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be people running around and saying that men don’t (and shouldn’t) have to do this to each other because there are plenty of women who are willing to do it which, if nothing else, is theoretically true but, yeah, not so much… and guys who suck cock know exactly why this isn’t as much of a wholesale truth as is being offered in order to keep men from going buck wild and sucking each other off like it’s going out of style.

Whether a guy is into this up to their eyeballs or are still sitting on the bench and, really, making excuses for why they’re doing the one thing they say they’ve always wanted to do, sucking dick is still a huge topic of discussion… and some of the things we talk about concerning this isn’t conducive to easing a newbie’s concerns so that he can find out what a lot of other men have discovered.

Sucking cock is fun. It’s highly erotic. “Nasty” in a good way. It can be quite addictive (no pun or play on the word intended). A lot of guys do find that once they start sucking cock, being able to stop – or to not want to do it so much – is pretty damned difficult. While one can stop themselves from doing it, there’s not much that can be done about the desire to do it; it just does not ever go away and guys who manage to not do it often find that it takes a great effort of will not to give in to the greater desire to do it and go suck a dick.

Would sucking a dick – and having a guy suck your dick – make you gay? No, not really… but you might be surprised at how many men still believe this can happen. Why are some guys so afraid that if they do it, they’re gonna like it? Because they, too, believe that it’s gonna mean that they’re really gay since “everyone knows” that only gay men suck cock.


Misinformation is the reason why more guys aren’t sucking cock and as a matter of course; fear is the reason why more guys aren’t sucking cock and as a matter of course.

Doesn’t stop cock sucking from being a much talked about thing but it’s surprising that some of the things we talk about concerning this gives a lot of guys a reason not to do it more than it encourages them to give it a try. It’s probably why I get to sit and observe guys being so… conditional about it that they’re actually making it more difficult to do the one thing they say they want to do… and do a lot of.

And I still sit back with a high degree of awe and confusion over this because I do know that it didn’t used to be this difficult for two guys to get together and suck each other’s dick… and just because it can be done and it’s a fun and satisfying thing to do.

True enough, a lot of guys won’t do it because they fear reprisals from women. Cityman asked if women would be more at ease over not being subjected to being “pressured” to suck cock and, I guess, theoretically, one would think they would be and more so when girlfriend has her own reasons why she’d rather clean a filthy toilet before sucking a guy’s dick.

The reality is very different and while there are, in fact, women who don’t have a problem with guys sucking cock, all the shit we’ve been made to believe about this has made guys who love to suck cock a lot of enemies where women are concerned. And guys who want to suck that dick are very, very concerned about this – and they should be. The fear mongering and disinformation is so bad that, wow, some women don’t understand why a guy would want to suck a dick… even when they know why they suck dick… and it’s just “impossible” that a guy – and a guy who isn’t gay – would want to do something that said woman , you know, if she wants to, would herself do.

Why aren’t more men sucking cock? Because we’re still not supposed to. It’s forbidden. Taboo. Immoral. Many of us are just too afraid to. Until all of these barriers (and many more I’ve not mentioned) are removed, a lot of dicks will continue to go unsucked by other men and those that do get sucked will continue be done under the cover of darkness and under the radar.

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Posted by on 16 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “There are Those Who Do…

“…and those who don’t; those who will and those who won’t.” If there’s any more to this little ditty that, as many things do these days, just popped into my head unbidden, I don’t remember it.

Having said that, I can probably point to the conversation I had with Cityman the other day about cock sucking which included a general discussion about cock sizes and how easy – or not – some guys take to it. As these conversations tend to go, we talked about the guys who are… fixated on a type – sizes, colors, shapes, cut/uncut – and debated whether this fixation was a good or “bad” thing – and “bad” in terms of having such stringent preferences causing one to miss out on a lot of dicks they could potentially suck. We also talked about whether reciprocation is really “mandatory” or “optional” or maybe even an unrealistic expectation.

More on that in a few. We opened the discussion about how some guys can start out with this M2M thing and working through doing it all and at some point change their minds about whatever they “normally” do and just go with some cock sucking. This isn’t unusual so much because, sometimes, it’s the only thing you have time for or one just doesn’t feel like putting dicks in butts for some reason. What made this conversation a bit more interesting was centered on those guys who, even after getting some cock sucking experience under their belts, haven’t quite adjusted to it and by this I mean they find it rough going to really get into it.

As I was getting ready to write this – and the opening ditty was echoing in my head, I remembered a couple of things. The first was the old joke about two guys watching a male dog licking its nuts and the one guy saying to the other, “I wish I could do that!” and the other guy saying, “Well, if you ask him nicely, he might let you.”

Yeah… very old joke. I then remembered a bunch of us outside playing one nice summer day and one of the friendly neighborhood strays was “hanging” with us and decided that he needed to, um, lick himself and it was very clear he wasn’t doing it because his doggy nuts were itchy or in need of a cleaning. I remember we watched the dog, our eyes bugging out as the dog’s penis extended from its sheath, all pink and glistening in the afternoon sunlight, and the dog got busy licking it and, a few minutes later, kinda whimpered, shuddered, and after looking confused for a moment, stood up, his tail wagging something fierce, before trotting off somewhere.

We’d been transfixed… well, until someone started laughing and one of the guys turned and said to one of the other guys, “That dog had a good idea – let’s go!” And off we went to one of our hideouts to spend some time sucking each other’s dicks until no one could get it up again.

Except this one guy. Oh, he’d suck dick… but let’s say that he wasn’t as eager about it as everyone else was… unless the one guy who we all knew he’d suck and like his life depended on it was in attendance and, that day, he wasn’t. I think this was probably the first time having a preferred dick got my attention. Some “investigation” into why some of the guys who were in our “gang” would vanish when the order of the day was cock sucking revealed that the reason why they’d absent themselves from the activity was because their favorite dick to suck wasn’t among those available to be sucked.

And if one of those guys did hang around and joined the fun, I was then able to notice that he wasn’t, again, as eager to do it as everyone else was. Hmm. It would be some time later where I’d see this very same thing and almost as a matter of course; some guys “refused” to give head because the dick waiting to be sucked wasn’t their favorite kind of dick; some guys would go ahead and do it without much enthusiasm – not their preferred cock or doing it out of obligation/expectation and, of course, a lot of guys who just didn’t suck dick and wouldn’t.

Cityman and I wondered – and as we usually do – if learning and mastering the skills and art of cock sucking should be something all males in to M2M should acquire, you know, it’s in their toolkit even if they don’t use it. We opined that, sure, why not, since a lot of guys are into giving head but to the question of whether a guy should strive to love it more than just liking it – and doing it because it’s expected – the jury was out big time.

With my bias fully in place, I’ve always been of a mind that if you’re gonna do it, it makes sense to have fun doing it and to do your best to enjoy it.

Then Cityman changed to the topic of male size queens and rhetorically questioned why so many guys are all about ginormous cocks and only those kinds of cock. Outside of the “group thought” that bigger is better, I’m at a loss to explain this and more so when it’s easier to suck smaller cocks. We allowed that any cock of any size can be sucked, you know, as long as you can adjust to the size and then don’t try to do more than you’re physically able to do with it, well, those great big dicks are nice to look at, nice to have in your hand but sometimes not so easy to suck.

The main point was that if a guy only went after the really big dicks, he’s passing up many opportunities to suck dicks that aren’t “all that big” and if you’re an avid cock sucker, well, why would you go out of your way to limit how many dicks you can suck? What I know is that guys, when you ask them about this, will usually and mostly say it’s a preference although I’ve noticed that not many guys can explain why they have this preference. Still, it’s hard to argue against one’s preferences in this even when you can point out – and they can agree – that any cock can be sucked and smaller ones are easier to work over with one’s mouth… and even with this agreement, any guy who doesn’t have a dick down to their knees will not be getting their dick sucked.

I offered that this is… weird given how many guys are, in fact, into sucking cock. I can understand having a favorite guy you just love going down on; yeah, some guys are just a joy to suck and the size of his dick tends not to be of any real issue. Cityman spoke of a guy he knows who will only suck BBC and the bigger/thicker, the better. He shared that in asking the guy about this, the guy agrees that there are guys of other ethnicities who are very well endowed and willing for the guy to pleasure them; he just can’t explain why it’s BBC for him or nothing at all.

I can’t explain it either. It is what it is, of course, but it’s kinda baffling when one is an avid cock sucker but they choose to restrict themselves in this way… or some other way that, if nothing else, excludes a lot of cocks which are available to be sucked.

We then – and as usual – got into a discussion about the guys who will suck the skin right off of a dick… but you better not even think about returning the favor in kind. Is – or should – reciprocal cock sucking be a matter of course? Given the way a lot of guys behave in this, well, it really doesn’t work because sometimes you feel like having the favor returned and sometimes you don’t… but there are guys who, as Cityman is fond of saying, aren’t of a mind to use their dicks in the way they can be used. I’ve asked guys why they’re like this and some have said that they don’t – and never did – like having their dick sucked; some guys point to being submissive and that their mission is to give pleasure rather than to receive it in the form of having their dick sucked. I understand this… but I’d still want to have my dick sucked since, um, it feels really good.

Of course, Cityman has asked me if things were always like this and, of course, I reiterated my knowledge that it was quite unusual to run across a guy who would blow your brains out but wouldn’t want his brains blown out. I spoke to the way me and fellas went about this: If you suck my dick, your dick is gonna get sucked in return… and even the very gay guy among us never objected to getting sucked off and despite him being a total bottom.

Or, as he had once told me, “I love being the girl… but I like having my dick sucked, too!”

I mentioned to Cityman – and not for the first time – if he’s noticed any similarities with how women can be about sucking dick and wanting that oral favor returned and he said that he could see that as well as some guys being more funnier about cock sucking than some women can be. Of course, we wondered why this is… and it’s one more thing that I can’t explain other than this being another of those instant gratification things: I want what I want and in the exact way I want it and no substitutions allowed and it’s non-negotiable.

Cityman had said, “But, then, some guys are sitting on their asses and bitching about not being able to find a dick to suck, aren’t they?”

Yep… they sure are. But what that might really mean is that they can’t find the specific type of dick they want to suck and under the conditions they want to suck their preferred cock. I know about this; I even understand it… while it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me and, yeah, because it’s not something I’d be of a mind to impose on myself. If I don’t want to suck a dick, there’s a reason why I don’t; either the guy is my kind of an asshole or, upon inspection, the dick doesn’t look as healthy as its owner has professed. Embarrassingly, yeah – I had to get over my disdain for uncut dicks and a quirk that did, in fact, prevent me from sucking a whole lot of dicks so to an extent, I was rather guilty of such… picky selectivity myself and get it in my head that even though I still think many uncut dicks are just outright fugly, it’s still a dick…

And any dick can be sucked. But to “come right out of the gate” with such hard-set and limiting preferences? I can’t explain it. I know what some guys say about it… and it still doesn’t make a great deal of sense to me and I do understand that I do have this, um, positive bias about sucking dick. If it can be sucked, then it’ll get sucked regardless to size and the ethnicity of its owner.

It’s just curious to see so many guys who are seriously funny about sucking dick and being sucked in return and more so when, in my experiences, it was, again, rare to run into a guy who was all that picky about sucking and being sucked. Times change… and this aspect of the dynamic has also changed and in ways I find extremely curious. Those guys who aren’t into it one way or the other? I get that. The guys who are into it but ultra-picky about things that, on the surface, shouldn’t matter a whole lot?

I’m trying to gain some understanding about this since I am very well aware that I can run into a guy who will suck the black off of my dick… and just won’t want the favor returned. Which, on the one hand, shouldn’t be that big of a deal but as Cityman and I discussed, how does it make you feel when you’re just as eager a cock sucker as the guy who’s blowing you… and he doesn’t even want you to fondle his dick? Is there anything behind the growing sentiment among bi guys that it’s better to give than receive? That being a submissive cock sucker means that having your dick sucked shouldn’t be done or, at the “worst” something to be endured… because it’s expected that if you suck a guy’s dick, your dick should also be sucked?

I don’t know. I’ve heard a lot of explanations toward this… and I still don’t know. It’s all about preference and I find myself having a dislike for the word and the context in which it is now being used. Once upon a time, a cock sucker preferred to suck cock… but today? If it’s not the right kind of cock and presented under the right and exact conditions, it’s a deal breaker to end all deal breakers. Once upon a time, it was “simply” a matter of if a guy sucked your dick, sucking his was pretty much a given even if done in a token kind of way; it was expected and, even so, either you were a cock sucker… or you weren’t.

It used to be stupidly simple… but not any more.

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Posted by on 15 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Have You Ever Wished…”

“…that you weren’t bisexual?”

A friend, a long time ago now, asked me this question and, honestly, I don’t remember how I answered him… but I probably said that I either never thought about that or that I’d never expressed and regrets about being bisexual to myself.

Today, well, no – I don’t have any regrets about being bi even though, as you might suspect, it’s not easy being bisexual when you’re literally surrounded by people who might not look upon you kindly if they knew that you were. It’s not easy to listen to some of the vicious things said about people who aren’t straight as well as hearing the great disdain for anyone who is, ah, open-minded about sex in both theory and practice.

It’s not easy to be aware that many people look at bisexuals as greedy sex fiends and perverted ones at that. It insults one’s intelligence – and, often, reeks of hypocrisy – to listen to righteously religious people rehashing the Old Testament warnings and punishments and totally disregarding what the New Testament has to say about it… and knowing that some of the people who’d preach fire and brimstone about it have a secret themselves.

It baffles the mind and is unquestionably frustrating to find yourself having to explain your sexuality and no matter how completely and even eloquently you explain it, the person you’re explaining it to somehow doesn’t seem to understand it and as if you responded to their query in a language they don’t understand. It is equally frustrating to listen to their responses and responses that are full of misconceptions and misperceptions, the usual stereotypical inaccuracies and anything that they wouldn’t do and what they don’t think is right or moral which, I guess, is all well and good… if we were talking about them instead of myself.

It’s depressing to see how… hidebound and even institutionalized people you thought you knew are about sex and sexuality, continuing to stick with and hold true to the way things are supposed to be and even when they know that the boy/girl thing ain’t the only way to do things. It’s heartbreaking to have long-time friends walk away from you and, sometimes, not because you’re into something they don’t believe in but because they’re scared shitless that you’re gonna ask them to have sex with you.

And, occasionally, find out that their biggest fear was that they would have said yes if they had been asked… then watch them feel some kind of way when I’ve told them that, no, it never crossed my mind to ask them to have sex with me… and now they’re offended over it.

Another friend had asked if it was hard being bisexual and I do remember how I answered them: No, it isn’t and mainly because it’s not hard for me to be myself. The friend thought that being bisexual somehow made one be very different, a comment I’ve heard before and have found amusing and had me telling them that the only and real difference between myself and a straight guy is what’s on my mind when it comes to having sex.

You might not know what it’s like to have someone look at you, blink rapidly and confusingly, and then pronounce, “You don’t look like the type.” Then watch the utter befuddlement on their face when I’ve responded, “What does the type look like?” – and knowing that “the type” usually refers to effeminate gay men and the, ah, more flamboyant ones.

Which usually leads to having to explain that, no, I’m not gay and not only was I never gay, but – since you asked (and said what you said) – I wouldn’t want to be gay and, sometimes, even having to explain how just being gay can be just as limiting as just being straight.

And, no, June Bug: Being bisexual doesn’t mean that you can always get a date on Saturday night.

Perhaps you can’t really grasp what it’s like to be in a semantic argument and discussing – or trying to discuss – the different between “men or women” and “men and women…” and how many really smart people can’t seem to see that there is a difference. When you’re bisexual, you almost immediately learn that things aren’t as black and white as everyone else tends to believe and it’s not really a thing of a person picking a side and choosing to stay on their chosen side.

It often makes me wonder if I’m “the only one” who really understands this. I know that I’m not, of course, but even when you’re with a bunch of people and the topic comes up, goodness, it’s amazing to see how grossly uninformed people are and, I’d have to say, irritating to hear people prattling on and on about something that, in truth, they know nothing about. Oh, they know what they’ve been told and heard and, insanely, they’d rather believe the untruths over real and factual information.

I’ve never wished that I wasn’t bisexual. I am. I like being bisexual and not just because of the sex. It frees me from the dogma that surrounds sex and sexuality while subjecting me to the ever-present stigma but it’s just something you learn to deal with; you accept that there are people – and many of them you know like the back of your hand – who either don’t understand it, don’t want to understand it, and it satisfies their sensibilities to continue to believe that when it comes to love, sex, and relationships, there’s still only one “real” way to do these things.

“Don’t you ever get frustrated?” yet another friend has asked.

Of course it’s frustrating – who doesn’t get frustrated over trying to get laid and it just ain’t happening for you? There probably aren’t too many people who don’t know what it’s like to get turned down – or flat-out rejected – for sex. What I know – and even if no one else really does – is that being bisexual doesn’t make getting laid easier because all it takes is for you to hit on a lady you’d just love to have carnal knowledge with find out – or even suspect – that you know some shit about men and dicks just as much as they do (or, yeah, even more so) to find yourself getting cussed out and, hell, no, you ain’t getting any of that.

Or to be talking to a guy, the subject somehow comes up and because you’ve got an open mind about these things, all of a sudden, they gotta run and get their cat out of the oven or some other made-up thing that suddenly requires their attention and because they think you’re gonna ask them to give up the dick or their ass to you. And it gets better… or worse. You’d think that gay men would be more… amenable to having sex with you and they are… until some of them learn that you’re bisexual and, I’d say, hilariously, you’re now the worst human male ever born… and in the face of the overall opinion that gay men are the worst human males ever brought into the world.

You might not understand how annoying it is to have great sex with a gay man and, after the fact, have him looking at you – and sometimes with great pity in their eyes – and tell you that what you should do is to give up women and just stick with men only. Or to get finished with sex and have them, in their moment of clarity, go off the rails because they had sex with one of those fucked up bisexual guys who’s not going to commit to being in an exclusive relationship with them and then continue with all the shit about being confused and in great denial about not really being the gay man they think you – I – should be.

Is it frustrating to be having a great conversation with a gay man and you just know it’s going to lead to dicks coming out… and then have him tell you that because your dick has been in a woman’s pussy, nope – we ain’t doing a damned thing? Yeah, it is but as in any of this, you learn to not let it bother you because, at the end of any day, it’s not your – my – fault that they have less of an understanding about the way things really are than you – I – do.

Or, like I told one very promising prospect, “If I didn’t like women and pussy, I wouldn’t be bisexual.”


You probably don’t have any idea what it’s like to find yourself explaining to a woman – and a woman who sucks dick – why you like sucking dick just as much – or maybe more – than she does. Or, if you’re the kind of bi guy who loves being fucked, yeah – try explaining that to a woman who has spent most of her life being fucked… and then watching an incredible disconnect happen because they don’t understand why you like doing something that they like doing as well.

If I’ve wished anything, I’ve wished that people could get their heads out of their own asses about this, that they’d stop believing in the stuff they believe in and know that being bisexual is just as normal as being straight and gay is – and it is all normal. No – I’ve never wished that I wasn’t bisexual but I have wished that people weren’t so frustratingly weird about it. I know people who sleep with other people – with and/or without permission and are even into some seriously freaky shit that even I wouldn’t get into… and they think I’m the one who’s all fucked up in the head and as wrong as anyone can be.

Being bisexual doesn’t really cause me any problems that would make me wish I wasn’t. Sure, I’ve had my ups and downs but who among us hasn’t? I’ve been rejected, dissed, dumped, lost good friends, made some enemies, cussed out, prayed over, told that my mom should have swallowed (and the guy who said that to me found himself on the receiving end of a very bad beat-down – you don’t ever say shit like that about my mother); I’ve been told I’m going straight to hell, that I need to seek professional help to cure me of this problem I have seeing the real world and other such shit that, again, if anything, has had me wishing people wouldn’t be so… fucking weird about it.

I wish that when I’ve found myself having to explain this about myself that people would stop saying, “Yeah, but…” and indicating that they do understand the words that came out of my mouth – but now it’s about them, what they believe, what they wouldn’t do, how offended they are and other such reactions that tends to make me doing some confused blinking of my own. I even wish there weren’t any bi guys who’d look at the way I go about being bisexual and, strangely, think I’m doing it wrongly.

Say what? Sometimes I wish that guys who showed up late to the party wouldn’t even try to tell me about something I’ve been doing damned near all of my life and like they somehow, and in a relatively shorter period of time, know more about being a bi guy than I do. Let’s see… I’ve been like this since I was nine years old… and you’ve only been like this since you were, say, 35 and you’re only 40-something. You’ve had less experience with this than I have… but you somehow know and understand this better than I do and even when it’s clear that I was like this – and doing this – before you were even born and, in some cases, before your parents were born.

Nope – any wishes I have in this aren’t about myself. I wish that other bisexuals can find a way to be better about their bisexuality; I wish that people in general would have a better understanding of bisexuality and stop looking at bisexuals as the new red-headed stepchild.

“Do you ever wish that everyone was bisexual?” Yeah, I’ve been asked this question and my answer was – and still is – “Oh, hell, no!” I understand that not everyone can wrap their heads around this, that their belief in the way things are supposed to be cannot be supplanted. I’ll even go out of my way to discourage some folks who might be of a mind to check this out because I know, even if they don’t, how difficult it will be for them which leads to this question I’ve been asked:

“Should I check this out?” Well, why do you think you want or need to? See, it’s not the physical stuff that’s difficult; that’s actually the easy part. It’s the stuff that will go on inside your head that will make this so terribly hard to do and not because someone is incapable of putting things into perspective for themselves… but because of what the people around them are going to think about them and how they’re gonna react should they find out that, whoa – you mean to tell me you’re not straight. Are you gay? Wait – what do you mean you’re not gay? You wanna have sex with dudes, don’t you? Well, that means you’re gay!

No, it doesn’t. It never did. And I wish people could really understand that.

“Why would you want to have sex with a dude?”

Um, because it’s sex. And before it’s asked, no – I don’t have to – and sometimes don’t want to – be into a guy. Unashamedly, I’d love to have sex with women without having to be in a relationship with them because sex with women is, still, and forever will be a hell of a lot more fun. Do I think I’m going about this the wrong way because a guy’s looks doesn’t matter any more than the size – or lack thereof – of his dick? I wish some folks wouldn’t think like that…

But if wishes were horses, everyone could ride instead of walking. It makes no sense to me to wish I wasn’t bisexual. I am. I’ve always been this way. Even if I do nothing about it – and just because I can doesn’t mean I have to or I’m going to – I will always be bisexual because it’s never been just a thing to do to get my rocks off.

It’s a way to be, it’s a state of mind and a rather refreshing one since, as I said way back in the beginning of this, has freed me from many of the things that have so many other people trapped and being held prisoner and limiting their view of what it means to be human. There’s the way things are supposed to be… and I am one of many people who exhibit the fact that the way things are supposed to be just isn’t the way things really can be.

You know, if you dare to be different, dare to risk being treated like a pariah, if you dare to take your professed love of sex and intimacy to a not-so-very-different level and, yeah, you’re not overly concerned about what other people are gonna think about you should they, by chance or on purpose, find that you’re not as straight as they thought you were.

We had a saying back in the day: Don’t knock it until you try it. Truth is most people are scared to death to try it – and that, strangely, includes some folks who do want to try it. Another truth is, um, some people do try it… and a lot more than anyone could or would ever suspect. Truth is some people find it’s the shit – who knew it could be like that (Um, I did and I’m not the only one)? Truth is some people find that it’s not their cup of tea, too. Truth is a lot of people just know they wouldn’t like it but if you wanna have some fun at their expense, ask them how they know this and pay attention to what they’ll say.

And, for me, the truth is this: I won’t ever wish that I wasn’t bisexual because for me to do this would say that I cannot accept the truth about myself. I am forever bisexual. It’s the truth I’ve come to accept about myself. Truth is you either accept that this is a part of me and just like breathing is… or you don’t and if you don’t, oh, well, not a whole lot I can do about that. The truth is that people are bisexual if they want and even need to be and for any reason that makes sense to them… and the truth is that it doesn’t make sense for a whole lot of people even when you explain it to them.

I just wish more people would just be better about the way they look at any of this. I wish that men and women could understand that some of us, you know, us nasty-assed, greedy and confused bisexuals – have more in common with them than folks who are “just straight or gay” to put it that way. I just won’t wish that I wasn’t bisexual. Ever.

I also wish I can be the only winner in both a big Powerball and MegaMillions jackpot, too.

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Posted by on 14 March 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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