RSS

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is It a Phase?

Today on the bi guys forum, I read some stuff where a lot of guys were questioning their interest in dick by wondering if this was some kind of phase they were going through.  It’s not that I haven’t heard this before but what I wondered – and I’m not sure if I’ve ever thought about this before today – is why is something like this called a phase?  In one sense, it’s almost like it’s generally accepted that, at some point, a person is going to enter into this phase, spend x-amount of time in it, then move on, leaving the phase in their rear view mirror.  If they do, well, whatever they did during this phase is excusable; if they bypass the phase, well, good for them… but if a person enters into this phase but never exits, it’s assumed there’s some kind of problem at hand and, I dunno, it’s as if a phase is somehow expected to last for an undetermined short period of time but only happens at a certain time.

It’s also generally accept that if a person is gonna go through a phase, it occurs before they’re legal adults – you know, kids behaving like kids and all that.  But if a forty-year-old heterosexual finds themselves interested in things bisexual, is that really “going through a phase” and more so if this interest never manifested itself before?  It’s not unusual for someone to “suddenly” find themselves interested in same-sex things nor is it unusual for this to surprise them and they ask, “Where the hell did that come from?”

A phase could be seen as an adjustment period, you know, like the child who’s interested in something one day then interested in something totally different a week later so this could just be a matter of “sorting” through things to find out what they will eventually settle down and do with their lives once they reach adulthood.  And, yes, sexual experimentation is one of those accepted phases albeit one most parents would rather they not go through before they’re old enough to understand the consequences of their actions.  Is it called a phase because adults aren’t expected to engage in sexual experimentation… even though it’s been known to happen?  I mean, it’s not really all that unusual if an adult gets it into their head that they wanna try something they’ve never done before and for no other reason than to find out if it’s as much fun doing it as they’ve been thinking – but it’s also not all that unusual for an adult to say, “This is how I like to have sex and deviating from this serves me no good purpose.”

I dunno… maybe this thing in particular gets called a phase because “experienced” adults shouldn’t have a reason to ever change their minds about what crumbles their cookies?  On the surface, sheesh, it almost doesn’t make sense to associate this with a behavior known to take place in much younger people… does it?  Does this imply that our hypothetical forty-year-old should have gone through this phase earlier in life and now it’s finally catching up with them?  Now, I recall reading something at some point where researchers say that this actually crosses people’s minds more than they’re aware of and, usually, when it does, most people don’t even pay much attention to it and if this is true – and they seem to think that it is – it’s probably not without reason that this could pop into their head… and it sticks and now they’re really paying attention to it.  Oh, I know what some of you might be thinking – you’re thinking that you’ve never thought about this and don’t want to but, um, those same researchers say that if you say that you’d never do something like that, you actually did think about it even if only to denounce the thought.

Weird, huh?

This is of interest because I see a lot of guys asking about why they wanna play with a dick but not understanding why they do; by comparison, a lot of guys do know why they wanna roll like this and can point to a specific event in their lives that corroborates their desire.  If a guy really takes the time to think this through, they usually will find what took place in their lives that made the thought of playing with a dick get stuck in their active thinking… but is it really a phase?  Or is this just a facet of human behavior we’d rather not pay much attention to because this behavior violates The Rules?  Yeah, I was just thinking that there was a time I would say that a guy doesn’t wake up one morning and say to himself, “It’s a good day to have sex with another guy!” but now I’m not so sure about that because you just don’t know what’s running around in the “dark” places of a person’s mind (aka the subconscious) that could be saying, “You know, you need to check this out… and here’s what I have in mind!”  Guys have said that they’ve been quite happy with their sexual lives with women but, out of the blue, they have this hankering to do something with a dick and, apparently, without a reason that makes sense… but it kinda makes sense that if this popped into their head and got stuck, there must be a reason just like there must be a reason why this is suddenly a very compelling thing to investigate… and if there is one, it’ll take someone way smarter and qualified than I am to expose what’s really going on and if that’s even possible given how much we don’t know about what our brains are doing or why.

Like another thing mentioned along with phases:  How does a guy who has never had sex with another guy know that he’s a bottom?  Would this also be considered as a part of that phase… or is he merely projecting unrealized desires… and as a result of going through a phase?  Yeah, this is starting to make me a little cray-cray as well…  Or is this really just human nature asserting itself and when we never expect it to?  A lot of our behavior is learned… but a lot of it is has also been “hard-coded” into us due to evolutionary process – it’s called genetic memory and that shit gets really and seriously deep.

Okay, I’ve given us all enough of a headache for one day but like a lot of stuff, this got into my head and I wanted to write something about it before it vanished…

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 20 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Eyes Wide Open

Sometimes, I make my daily trip to the bi guy forum and I just read and observe what the membership is saying without commenting and I see patterns that, at least to me, are familiar but also rather consistent.  There’s tone or a vibe to what the membership writes about and sometimes it shifts from curiosity to expressions of utter frustration and confusion.

Here the membership speaks to their deepest desires as well as their deepest fears and I sit and read about these things; some I find amusing – and because guys are funny – while some I find disturbing because I can feel the pain of their frustration and confusion.  I see guys talk about finding themselves on a path they never imagined that they’d walk upon; I see guys who are returning to the path after quite a journey on the well-worn path of “doing things the right way” and for some of those guys, they seem surprised to find that they didn’t really grow out of what they perceive as an experimental phase.

I see what frightens them; I see what they dream and/or fantasize about; I see what thrills those who have taken the plunge and continue to dive in albeit with a sense of hesitancy.  I see a lot of monogamous thinking in play as many men, experienced and not so much, seek that one guy they can relate to but not really wanting to get themselves out there to “interview” guys to find The One Guy to satisfy their deepest desires in this. I see men who are, at least in my opinion, making this harder than it really is because despite what’s said about guys who love to have sex, many do not want to be seen as a slut or whore even though there are some who do, in fact, want to let their inner slut loose and in some pretty interesting ways.

I see a lot of what I’ll call “stereotypical behavior” going on like desiring men with huge cocks, rock hard abs, and stunningly handsome because it’s what they see when they watch porn and, interestingly, I see them sticking to their guns in this even though many of them have never touched a dick other than their own and, yes, I see that those who watch gay porn seem to believe that what they see on their screens is the way things really happen and, I know it’s just me but I find that rather disturbing.  I see some guys who want to have that first experience do other things while waiting to have it, like using butt plugs and dildos to getting pegged by the woman in their lives and, yeah, sometimes, it’s pretty funny to watch guys critiquing dildos and prostate stimulators in a similar manner that I’ve seen women talk about their toys.

Yes, the membership talks about other things, like cars, favorite movies/books and even playing video games… but they also talk about the best underwear to wear, have discussions about jock straps versus thongs, and the best way to remove unwanted body hair… or whether it really needs to be removed.  If you think some women tend to be cock size queens, shit, you’ve never heard a bunch of bi guys talk about it!  I see the lines of division drawn between the tops and the bottoms and as I note there seems to be more bottoms than tops among the membership, which is kinda strange since there are some tops who complain about not being able to find a bottom wherever they are in the world because, yes, male bisexuality isn’t just a local issue – it’s a global one and I find it interesting to see how men from other countries see the flow of things where they live.

Oddly, the guys from the UK seem to be much more wide open about doing this that we are here in the US.  Men from countries in which bisexuality is outlawed are there as well, belying the perception that there are no bisexual men in those countries when, in fact, there are more than anyone really knows about and that they stick to their guns about their sexuality despite the fact that if they’re discovered, they could be put to death and this speaks very well about them in my eyes.

Going onto the site with my eyes wide open is quite the educational experience; it’s refreshing to see bi guys trying to help each other understand this thing we all have in common.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 19 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  Brokeback, For Real

https://melmagazine.com/a-real-life-brokeback-mountain-e81caaad7fde

I found out about this Medium article via email and thought, “Let’s give it a read!” because, sometimes, there are interesting things being written there that are interesting and something other than someone ranting and raving against bisexuality or being bi.

As I read the piece, I found myself nodding with understanding in that some men have sex with other men because it’s sex; it’s not about being in love or otherwise into someone but it is about taking care of a need and using whatever’s available and if that happens to be cock, okay, it gets the bulldog fed doesn’t it?

Anyway, click on the link and give it a read – it provides food for thought…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 17 July 2017 in Uncategorized

 

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Why, why, why?”

I just came from the bi guys forum where the big topic today seems to be why bisexual men are shunned and, as expected, everyone has an opinion about it and many opinions are just rehashing shit that’s being said about bisexuality and, if only in my opinion, the membership is over-thinking the whole matter.  If one understands why homosexuality in any form is shunned, it doesn’t take much to see why bisexuality is being shunned today and more than homosexuality is. We all know what the rules are regarding love, sex, and relationships.  In the beginning, homosexuality took those rules and flushed them and we know about the battle homosexuals have fought and died for in order to be seen and treated as everyone else is.  Ah, but now, there are more and more bisexuals making their presence known and felt and, no, bisexuals didn’t just appear out of nowhere – we’ve always been around albeit in the background.

But our “emergence” takes the one-on-one rules and just obliterates them because as far as the bisexual fellas are concerned, we have the fucking nerve to not only engage in sexual congress with women but we also act just like the once-hated homosexual men, too!  I’ve been around long enough to see how the angst has been transferred from homosexual men to bisexual men but it remains true that bisexual women, well, okay, that’s quite acceptable but lesbian women tend to disagree – but that’s to be expected because bisexual women face the same kind of angst with lesbians that bisexual men face with gay men and because we take the generally accepted one-on-one rule and toss it out the nearest window.

I’ve been around long enough to have taken notice that the things being said about biphobia are eerily similar to what was once said in reference to homophobia; they’ve just been redirected toward bisexuals.  And if no one else has, I’ve noticed that it’s quite interesting that homosexuals are, in fact, holding to traditional heterosexual standards… and standards that bisexuality, by its very nature, just rips to shreds; there’s a reason why bisexuals are demanded to pick a side and stay there, right?  I’ve also noticed that the people who are making this demand aren’t heterosexuals, who kinda tend to take the stance that as long as you’re not hitting on them for sex, they don’t care what you do… but homosexuals give us shit about this because our existence pretty much takes that which they believe and invalidates it because, like almost everyone believes, people are supposed to be monosexual only.

Yeah, right… sure they are.  What it boils down to is whether or not an individual is going to believe the hype and bullshit… or accept the reality that bisexuals have always been around despite the constant push to keep things like sex the way it’s been prescribed and mandated which, today, is boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl… but as sure as hell not “all of the above.”  The membership kept pointing to what bisexual men do as the source of the lack of acceptance but it’s not what we do that’s being objected to – again, it’s the fact that we have the unmitigated gall to want to be with men and women, thumbing our metaphorical noses at the one-on-one rule.  They insist that this cannot be… except it’s always been like this because bisexuality isn’t a modern kind of thing – it’s just that bisexuals are being more noticed today than at any other time.

And some folks just don’t like knowing that the things they believe in aren’t entirely the truth of how shit has been really happening all along.  Like you’ve seen me write, there’s the way things are supposed to be… and then there’s the way things really are and the truth is that some cannot accept is that bisexuality is real and just as real as being straight or gay.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 13 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Dudes…

During my visit to the bi guy forum, there was a bit of a combined topic being discussed.  The first part had to do with whether the size of a bottom’s cock makes a difference and while I see no real relevance here, I wasn’t surprised to see guys saying that it did make a difference to them.  One guy who’s a top admitted that being with a bottom with a big dick does make sucking the bottom… interesting which is to be expected, truth be told.  I asked that if you weren’t gonna suck the bottom’s cock – and some bottoms just do not ever want to be sucked – um, why should the size of his dick matter?  A few guys admitted that seeing the bottom on his knees with his ass up and seeing a “large” cock dangling between his legs is quite the visual turn on for them and I guess that makes sense, in a weird kinda way.

Now, I allowed, in my comment, that there was a time – back in the day – that top/bottom was determined by cock size, i.e., the guy with the smaller cock was the bottom and, thus, in the female-submissive sexual role… but given what can be seen on the Internet via professional and amateur “gay” porn, um, I’ve seen guys getting topped who had monstrous cocks dangling and much bigger than the dude doing the topping so what used to be a “given” no longer seems to be the case.

But wait… this gets better!

The conversation made an unexpected turn, going from the size of a bottom’s dick to whether or not the lack of an erection by said bottom was an indication of a lack of arousal and/or interest and it did not surprise me one bit to see some guys comment that as far as they were concerned, if the other guy wasn’t fully erect, that meant he wasn’t aroused or interested and they’d take such a thing as a personal insult to them… and just like some women do.  I felt my eyes rolling because the comments about this indicated to me that dudes don’t know as much about how their body works as they think they do.  This is what I said to them:

“On the lack of arousal/interest thing, there are a lot of things that either make a guy lose his erection or not have one at certain times and, really, if he wasn’t interested in having sex, would he really be there? Some guys get overstimulated even before anything really gets going and maintaining an erection while physically or emotionally overstimulated is damn near impossible; sometimes, a guy can be so busy sucking cock and focusing on doing a good job of it that if he started out being hard, well, now he isn’t. I’m always down to suck dick and, no, I’m not always hard when I do it and I can assure you that I’m very much aroused and interested and if I have your cock in my mouth, um, that’s gonna be pretty damned obvious. As someone mentioned, not everyone can maintain an erection with a dick stuffed up their butt – doesn’t indicate a lack of interest.

Some guys get themselves so wound up about what’s about to happen that they couldn’t get hard even if they took Viagra; I’ve sucked many a dick that either didn’t rise to full mast or fell limp and because the guy was just too wired to relax and it doesn’t make the situation any better when they know they should be super-duper hard and they aren’t; they’re still very much interested but whatever’s going on in their head is neutralizing the process that produces and maintains erections. If you really want to know if he’s aroused and/or interested, don’t just look at his dick: Look at all of him, from his eyes to his nipples to even noticing if he has goosebumps even though it’s not cold or overly chilly. Watch him breathing; is he taking really deep breaths or a lot of fast, little ones? A guy on the verge of hyperventilating isn’t going to get or stay hard because his body will shift priorities from sexual arousal to getting enough oxygen into his blood so he won’t pass out. Are his pupils really dilated? Does he feel like he’s running a temperature when you touch him? Does he feel kinda cold and clammy? That’s an indication of extreme nervousness and there’s no way he’s getting an erection until he can stop being nervous.

Some guys jerk off before an encounter and then become a victim of refraction; in their minds, they’re ready to get it on and bust a second nut… but their body ain’t trying to hear any of that yet because it’s still in a recovery mode from masturbating. You jerk off and you expend the chemical cocktail that lends itself to arousal and erection; sometimes a guy can recover in a little as five minutes or it might take him hours to replace those expended chemicals but until he does, nope, he’s not gonna get hard no matter how interested he is. As the old saying goes, the mind is always willing but the flesh can be quite weak.

And then there’s this: A guy can start out very interested and eager to get it on… then change his mind about it and you might not be the reason he’s changed his mind but because he has, nope, no wood. And, seriously, if you don’t know why he’s not hard, um, ask him if he’s okay… because he might not be. I even have been with guys who have been quite hard and aroused and they’re telling me that they really don’t want to do this but their body has betrayed their thoughts, which is just a reminder that the mind isn’t always in control of things even when you think it is.” 

It makes me wonder if some guys are even aware of this and if they are, uh, why don’t they ever take this into consideration before automatically assuming the worst-case situation?  When I mentor guys, this is one of the things I talk to them about:  Understanding male anatomy and how it all works or, simply, do you know what’s going on when you get aroused and your dick gets hard… and what can make you not get hard even when you want and need to be?  Yes, it’s quite possible that you could be the reason why he doesn’t seem interested or aroused; everyone gives off a vibe and it’s not always a positive effect on everyone. Sex can heighten our senses and make it possible to pick up a bad feel from someone and one so strong that any interest gets squashed and when interest goes by the wayside, so will an erection.
Like so many things about sex, there’s the way you think things should happen and then there’s the way things really happen and, uh-huh, sometimes they happen when you’d prefer them not to happen… but if you don’t understand why this happens, you wind up making assumptions that may not have any basis in fact, oh, like assuming that just because homie’s dick isn’t hard enough to break up diamonds into dust, well, he must not be interested in having sex with you which, really, is a silly thing to assume given that one of the things guys have to deal with is our dicks getting hard and for no apparent reason – but almost always in situations where you’d not want others to notice you’re packing wood – it’s the same thing with a woman’s nipples; they seem to have a mind of their own as well and is not an indication that she’s aroused/interested in sex.
And like I said to the forum’s membership, if you really wanna know why his dick isn’t hard, ask him; maybe he can tell you, maybe he can’t and it’s quite possible he can’t tell you because he doesn’t know.  He could be nervous, overstimulated, undergoing a period of refraction or he’s having second thoughts… or can be too focused or, shit, almost any stray thought not related to sex can deflate a dick pretty damned quick.  Sure, it’s embarrassing as hell to say the least.  I didn’t even get into things like drugs and medications that have a negative effect on getting and maintaining an erection, like blood pressure medication and antidepressants, to name a couple; ED can strike at any time and stuff like age, cholesterol levels, low testosterone levels, being in pain, vitamin deficiencies, and even uncontrolled high blood pressure can make getting and maintaining an erection a bit of a bitch and then there’s this:
If you’re the reason why he can’t get and maintain an erection, do you really think he’s gonna tell you that?  I mean, some guys will but that’s more the exception than the rule.
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 11 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

Watch Dogs 2

So I got the game (thanks again, baby!) and after a few days of playing it, I’m a bit disappointed by it or I got spoiled playing the first game.  War Dogs 2 kinda/sorta takes up where Watch Dogs left off with DedSec, a notorious hacker group dedicated to expose the corruption of personal data and freedom by the Blume Corporation and its ctOS 2.0 system, the upgrade a necessary one after the hero in Watch Dogs did a number on ctOS 1.0.  Set in San Francisco, a small group of hackers and Marcus, our hero this time around, is still running around putting the screws to Blume and while I think the story line in Watch Dogs 2 is kinda weak, it’s at least a bit familiar.

The controls have been a bitch to relearn; the only similarities to the original game is driving (and destroying) cars along with aiming and shooting.  I’ve gotten killed several times just because I’m pushing buttons I got used to using in the original game and buttons that, in the second game, don’t do a damned thing.  There’s a distinct lack of deployable weapons; in the first game, I could pick up a weapon and it would go in my “pack” and could be selected easily enough; in this game, if I’m holding a weapon and pick up another, the one I”m holding gets discarded so all I have is two weapons and as far as weapons go, they’re pretty wimpy at this stage in the game.  I mean, I have a silenced pistol, which made me happy to see… except when I walked up behind a bad guy, sighted on the back of his head and pulled the trigger… and he turned around and killed me.

What the fuck…?

Two things I kinda like:  The cops, who were conspicuous by their absence in the first game, are seen patrolling the streets of San Francisco but they don’t mess with you as you’re breaking every traffic law that ever existed, well, until you fuck up and rear end one of them – then they’re on you like a very bad habit and they are damned persistent as in the first game; in fact, it’s harder to escape and evade these cops.  The other thing is the NPCs, which are roaming all over the place.  I turned a corner and scared one into falling down; she got up and instead of walking away, she stormed over to my car, dragged me out of it, and punched me in the face!  So I punched her in the face but then somebody came to her aid and started beating me with an umbrella… and I had to knock them out, too.  Later, during a mission, some chick was driving in front of me and just stopped in the middle of the road and I tapped her bumper… and she got out wanting to fight and, well, you can probably guess what happened.  What’s even funnier is watching the civilian NPCs actually starting fights with the cops when I have them arrest somebody because of information I planted about them; once, I guess the cop took offense to the man punching him in the face… because the cop shot him.

At this point in the game play, I’m not sure I really like this game as much as I did the first because, as previously mentioned, I don’t have the tools readily available to do things.  For instance, by my fifth mission in the original game, I had to ability to “distract” a pursuing helicopter and even shoot the sniper while the chopper pilot fought for control.  In the new game, I have to collect a whole lot of stuff – then activate a lot more stuff – before I can get this needed ability, which shows in the main mission I’ve yet to complete… because the sniper in the helicopter keeps killing me before I can make good my escape.  It’s frustrating because in this mission – I have to bust somebody out of Alcatraz – it’s a long, drawn out process to eliminate all the guards using stealthy methods; just going in there and shooting up the place isn’t an option.

It doesn’t help that I don’t have enough good camera angles; it also doesn’t help that there aren’t that many things I can use for booby traps and of those things that do exist, only one of them is lethal… and it’s nowhere near where the main body of guards are hanging out.  All of the other potential traps just put them to sleep and they eventually wake up again.  In one attempt to free the prisoner, it took me over an hour to clear out all the guards before I could actually go inside Alcatraz and spring the guy… only to have that fucking helicopter – which somehow seems to know exactly where I am in the prison even though they can’t see me – blow me away before I can get close to escaping.  It’s annoying and aggravating and that’s being nice about it so I wound up quitting the mission so I can do some other stuff so I can get some stuff so I can deal with the helicopter.  That didn’t make me happy having to do that; I can accept screwing up a mission because of a mistake I made but I just have a problem with failing a mission because I don’t have the tools available to deal with all possible threats – it’s like taking a knife to a gun fight.

This game has a couple of toys:  A drone and an RC (remote controlled) wheeled thingy call a Jumper… because it can really jump up onto things.  The Jumper is cool because I can use it to sneak into places and do the physical hacking that sometimes has to be done while I sit outside and away from guards and the cops.  Moving vehicles in this game is just as crazy as in the original game (you just do not want to know how many cars and motorcycles I’ve trashed and I wasn’t actually being chased) so controlling these toys is a bit iffy.  I use the Jumper a lot and I’m just now getting the hang of sending it into air ducts and sneaking past motion sensors, etc.; piloting the drone isn’t that bad but unlike the Jumper, it can’t interact with anything – I can spy on things, interact with a camera, even hack a NPC but I can’t use it to unlock anything that requires physically being able to plug something in.

Like I said, the story line leaves something to be desired and, just my opinion, I would have thought that for Watch Dogs 2, they would have recruited Aidan – our hero in Chicago for the first game – to help them get rid of Blume and ctOS 2.0 once and for all.  Instead, the only character they brought back from the original game is one that not only didn’t actually do anything in the first game, he’s not doing anything in this game except running his mouth, the video game version of an REMF – a rear echelon motherfucker – who’s good for sending me out on missions and getting me killed while staying nice and safe back at headquarters.  Don’t get me wrong – the game is fun and has a few surprises – like at least three gangs that I’ve identified so far and gangs you can sic on a target or even the police.  One mission had me stealing a car from them, something they weren’t happy about nor were they happy about my blowing up quite a few of their members prior to snatching the car so it wasn’t surprising that they chased me all over the Bay Area until I finally managed to ditch them… and the cops who got in on the act.

It took a little while for Watch Dogs to grow on me but it’s taking much longer for Watch Dogs 2 but I’ll keep hacking away at it and, who knows, maybe this game is really better than it appears at the moment!

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on 6 July 2017 in Life, Living and Loving

 

Tags: , ,

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Self-induced Cock Blocking

Been a while since I wrote one of these because, um, I’ve been giving my Xbox One a rather good workout.  Well, that and I haven’t had what I’d call an inspirational thought… until now.  So I’m into my morning routine and drop in to see what the guys on the bi guy forum have been up to and saw where a few guys were writing about their first experience or what was going on with them that it almost happened but the trigger never got squeezed (one never really pulls a trigger unless they wanna miss the target).

That this happens isn’t unusual; as I often say, if you think it’s easy to lie down with someone who’s the same sex as you and get your freak on as you might have imagined, guess again – it’s not that easy for a lot of people which is why I always applaud those, male or female, who do take the plunge.  This scribble is really about what the title says or, to be a bit PC about it, what some bisexual men think about that will ensure that they will never have that first experience and, specifically, by employing a mode of thinking that, for men, might sound a bit strange.

One guy wrote – and as many of these guys do – that he was totally bummed out while on the prowl for a guy he could have sex with and ran face-first into something that, perhaps, they didn’t expect… but should have expected given the animal they want to interact with.  You see, it might sound a bit strange that there are bisexual men who, without insult, want to do things in a way that’s similar to how women want to do them and invoking a bit of dogma:  The only acceptable sex is relationship sex and casual sex – sex for the sake of being able to do it because you can and want to – is to be avoided like the plague.

Not that this is really a bad thing because even in sex, we all want to be valued for more than just the object of another person’s lust.  To the chagrin of many a man looking to dip his toes into the pool that’s he just been looking at, finding a guy who’s gonna value him beyond a means to an end seems to be impossible because, as they troll the various sites and use the growing number of mobile apps, what they find more often than not are other men who only want to know a few “unimportant” things, i.e., “When can we meet so I can have sex with you?”  These guys who aren’t fans of casual sex get offended, dismayed, and even disillusioned because, like so many of us, sex has to have meaning, well, a meaning beyond that which is obvious anyway.  Again, when we decide to get naked with someone, we want to be appreciated, respected and if the person we’re about to have sex with us is willing to have a level of investment in us – read this as they’re gonna give a fuck about us beyond the sex – well, that works, doesn’t it?

In the real world of sex, um, that doesn’t always happen.  In the world of M2M sex, the chances of you running into a guy who wants to be valued as a human being and not just a piece of ass (or swinging dick) aren’t good; while those guys are out there, you’re more likely to run to guys who don’t want to get to know you as the wonderful person you might be – nope, their knowledge level is restricted to things carnal.  Not that such guys are uncaring assholes (but some are) but there are guys who like rolling in the hay with other guys who are scared to death of anything that looks like an invested relationship because, um, that shit is just too gay for them to stomach.

So if a guy is hanging his hopes on finding someone who shares his dislike of casual sex and using this as a valid reason for not getting out there and doing what he insists he needs to do, he’s just cock blocking himself.  What’s that you say?  If that’s what he requires, he has the right to insist on a higher level of interest before he drops his gear?  Yeah, you’re right… but I’m still the guy who has the nerve to point out to you that the real world doesn’t work like that.  Yes, yes, it can happen in that preferred, non-casual way but, once more, if you troll websites and mobile apps looking for a willing guy who’s gonna value you as more than a sexual object, that environment just isn’t all that conducive to the ways of invested sex, not in a sexual world that has been more about instant gratification than embracing the old ways of getting into someone’s underwear, you know, dating, courting, taking the time to really get to know the person you wanna slake your lust upon.

Here’s the thing:  If you’re a guy looking to have sex with another guy for the first time or, perhaps, the first time in a very long time and you are having zero success because of your approach to this, does it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, your approach might need some adjustment in order for you to get that which you so fervently need?  What’s that you say?  He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to?  Again, you’re right but, ah, these days, it’s a guaranteed way to not get what you want.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me because even I don’t like dealing with guys who don’t want to take a few minutes to get to know me even for the sake of ensuring that hooking up will be safe for both of us; those of you who have been following me for a while have seen me write unflattering things about those dudes who introduce themselves by saying, “Let me come over and fuck you right now!”  The difference is that I am fully aware that such guys exist and I even understand why they behave the way they do and – get this – some of that behavior is based on the perception that men don’t want to be bothered with all that lovey-dovey crap they have to go through with women in order to get laid.  The truth is that not all men have this attitude and they want to go through “the bullshit” before offering up their bodies… it’s just a sure way not to get that dick/ass you are craving.

In this, it’s easy to blame the other guy for being so crude and callous in his approach to get with you when, a truth some of us don’t want to know about is that if we’re not getting the M2M sex we’re craving, some of that fault lies with us and our unwillingness to be more flexible in our thinking about this.  Like I told the guy I’m mentoring, there are times when you just have to trust your instinct; there are times when spending hours or days really getting to know someone will greatly conflict with that very bad case of blue balls you’re suffering through so, yeah, there are times when the guy who contacts you gets right to the point of why he’s contacting you – and, duh, the reason you’re using those apps is because you want to be contacted – you don’t exactly throw caution to the wind but you say, shit, I’m horny, he’s two minutes away and, fuck, let’s go for it.  He pointed out – and rightly so – that this is risky; I countered with something I think is obvious:  Trying to bed a woman on the spur of the moment can be just as risky so what’s the problem?  And, really, it’s not a problem unless you don’t employ some common sense and engage safe sex practices… and you don’t know how to defend yourself in case things get hinky.

It’s one thing for a guy to decide that he doesn’t want to have this kind of sex; it’s another thing to always complain about not being able to have this kind of sex when you’re unwilling to adjust your thinking so that having this sex becomes possible or, if you stop cock blocking yourself, you could find yourself having all the fun you’ve been hoping to have.  And if you’re not having the M2M fun you want, is it really the fault of the guy who is all about having casual sex?  I’ll leave that for you to decide; when I see guys writing that they don’t understand why they can’t find a guy they can play with, well, I’m the guy who’ll tell you why that’s not happening as expected and how one can wind up being their own worst, cock blocking enemy in this.

A fellow blogger here on WordPress expressed this same concern in a recent blog they wrote (and he knows who he is) and in my comment to his post, I ended it with, “Welcome to 2017.”  Ideally, we want companionship to go along with our sex and we will hold out – and deprive ourselves of sex – until we get exactly what we want in this (or close enough for government work).  It makes us feel good about ourselves when we can have sex with someone who is invested in us but the truth is that investment isn’t always a requirement for some men; as I said, they will avoid the process of investment because of their own fears of emotional attachment; they just want to get their dick hard and have someone make it soft again and move on to the next guy.  It sounds totally and completely fucked up, doesn’t it?

Bisexuality isn’t as much as a wide-open free-for-all that some might think it is; there are still heteronormative things that, ultimately, prevent this from happening such as the angst against casual sex, which we believe to be meaningless sex but really isn’t, not if you really understand sex as a human behavior.  While bisexuality represents an escape from the traditional, sexual box we’ve been placed in, many of us are still bound by dogma, i.e., the conditions under which having sex is preferable, oh, like, having a potential partner being into you so that you won’t feel badly about being labeled a slut or a dog simply because you like having sex and, seemingly, indiscriminately.  Certainly, everyone has things they will and won’t do – that just makes sense; however, the question I ask guys who complain about their inability to have the sex they want is, “Why won’t you adjust your thinking in this?”

Sometimes, I think that it never occurs to them that they are allowed to modify their thinking and/or approach and wind up cock blocking themselves…

 
5 Comments

Posted by on 4 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

 
Jenny's Swinger Party and Dating Advice 🎉

23 year old real estate agent & swinger 💋

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

"Me."

All the things that make me, well "me."

CinnamonAndSparkles

If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sexual Adventures & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

It's getting hot in here...

A Question of Lust

"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Madeline Harper

ReImagined

Bellaelena

Random thoughts from a random mind

Equal Anarchy

Equality, Gender, Feminism, Sexuality

Sensual Desires

Sensual Poetry

thewritingofpassage

Writing about recovery.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.

B0Y . LU5T

Coming to terms with being male, atheist, married, over 40, bisexual, kinky and blurring the lines of monogamy while living in a conservative "red state" .

afortnightaway

Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

DateBisexual.net

ophisophia

The Wise Serpent

myarousal

Fetishes, Gender Issues, Sexual Politics, Erotic Memoirs

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

ann st vincent

My journey through marriage, open marriage, divorce, being a Mom, sexual rebirth, online dating, failed relationships, and lots of sex

The Conquest Files

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

More Is Merrier

Views on consensual non-monogamy

Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Assentively Yours

Ramblings of a depressed mind and other nuances.

Larry Archer's World (LarryArcher.com)

Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer

theopenwife

is there a path to a successful open marriage?

thesinofindia

The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl

The Bi-Love-Ed RESEARCHER

What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception

Kittykat-bitsandbobs

Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained

Roller Coaster Life of a Fat Girl

Highs and Lows of My Weight Loss Journey

smallpenisbigissues

when and why size matters

rouge

I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer