It’s one of the many things said about bisexuals right along with all the other stuff that’s said and it has always been implied that if one is bisexual, they’ve just become a serial cheater and putting three strikes on them instantly if the bisexual is male.
What gets overlooked – and because we can just do shit like this – is the fact that cheating isn’t owned by bisexuals – anyone can cheat if/when they have reason to. Of course, we look at this lack of fidelity with a very, very dim view and we insist that it should never happen for any reason which, in theory, is all well and good and perhaps a very worthy goal… but is kinda unrealistic when you – or if you – can take into consideration that anyone can come up with a reason why they should cheat at any time and even if they don’t do it, um, they thought about it. Now, I’d not say that makes them guilty of anything but a lot of other people would be of a mind that if someone thought about it, that means they’re gonna do it.
Our morality is a piece of work. Of the Ten Commandments, number seven is, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and I have always wondered how the word “adultery” came to be and why it’s on that list of ten things that we are never supposed to do. The “easiest” explanation is that God most certainly knew what adultery was and wrote down not to commit it and had Moses pass it one with the other nine commandments but one of the things I came to understand that some rules exist to prevent known stuff; like, you put in rules to prevent stealing because you know people are stealing left and right.
We get into the marriage vows where those who marry – and before God and company – swear to keep only unto themselves and to let no man put asunder which also includes not letting no woman do any sundering and this fits right into the seventh commandment and, to some extent – and depending on interpretation, the tenth commandment about not coveting anything that your neighbor might have – thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife is part of the tenth.
Must be something to this if it was actually mentioned twice, huh? So, okay, we’re not supposed to commit adultery or doing any coveting of the other guy’s wife… and these rules exist because, um, yeah – we were known to do this and something had to be done about it.
Any many of us follow and obey a set of rules that were laid down in the BC days of our existence and it has always been assumed that everyone will obey without question or exception… or else. Some have said that these rules were actually designed by man, tagged with the “God said this” label, and for the purpose of controlling everyone’s behavior and pretty much making people do shit the way they wanted it done without having to explain why it had to be this way other than “God said so.”
Except that’s not how people behave, is it? We’re supposed to be faithful by rule and by deed of action and behavior… doesn’t really work the way it’s supposed to because, gasp, people do cheat and bisexuals are the worst cheaters ever born, you know, on top of the fact that they like gaining carnal knowledge of both men and women, the nasty heathens.
But not all bisexuals cheat and it’s a fact that gets ignored because it’s just easier to say that all bisexuals cheat – who wants to be bothered with the details? Indeed, not everyone in a relationship is of a mind to cheat but no one wants to say much about the fact that the potential for infidelity isn’t in place but, then again, maybe they do since you can be called a cheater for just thinking about it and then there’s emotional infidelity; ya might not be thinking about getting jiggy with someone but you’re in love with them in some way and a cheater because you’re only supposed to be in love with the person you’re in a relationship with.
Except… that’s not how people work, is it? It’s one of the things that confuses the shit out of someone when they become aware of their feelings – sexual or otherwise – for someone else because that’s not supposed to happen and because some really dead people said it’s not to supposed to. Doesn’t mean that a bisexual (or anyone else for that matter) is going to do a Jekyll and Hyde and become a serial cheater but a lot of stuff has been published by subject matter experts that, for one, being monogamous is unnatural for us and as such a social species and, well, some people just can’t be monogamous despite their best efforts.
I’ve said time and time again that the worst situation on the planet is to be bisexual and married and, yeah, being bisexual and being in a relationship but not married – we’ve roped up all those people who are biblically fornicating (a sin, by the way) and lumped into the same rules married people are mandated to follow – just without lawyers getting involved in most cases. Being monogamous is a commitment, a purpose, the epitome of being able to be and stay in a relationship for better or worse… except we, as a species, still doesn’t quite work like that and as mandated.
We worry ourselves sick over the possibility of being cheated on and there’s probably not very many people alive today who doesn’t know what this feels like. We will, more often than not, go to great lengths and do everything within our abilities to not be cheated on and, I think, sometimes without really thinking about some of those things laying the groundwork for the one thing you don’t want to happen… to happen.
I read something a long time ago that says the tighter you try to hold onto something, the easier it is for it to slip from your grasp. So, depending on your point of view, if you never want to be cheated on, um, don’t ever get into anything that remotely looks like a relationship. But if you do, the potential is now implied and sexuality, while potentially a reason, isn’t always the impetus for infidelity to occur.
All it takes is for wants, needs, and desires to be ignored or unfulfilled by the person who, theoretically, is supposed to take care of all those things and even any that might show up somewhere down the road, you know, like you have to be able to see into the future and somehow anticipate every single need, want, and desire your partner could ever think of. Sounds impossible? That’s because it is yet this is exactly what is demanded and expected of anyone who gets into a relationship.
How does one get around this? By “insisting” that you not ever want anything other than what your partner is willing or able to provide and now it gets really crazy because a whole lot of people believe and hold true that if you’re in a relationship with us – married or otherwise – we are all you are ever going to need… and as if wanting anything else just isn’t supposed to happen and I do mean anything.
Cheating. Okay, I was having a discussion with a woman one time and we were talking about cheating and I asked her, “If I were your man and you just decided to stop being intimate with me, who’s supposed to provide me with the intimacy I need?”
Her answer? “No one is.” I said to her, “Okay, if that’s the case, why would you be surprised that your man would cheat on you since you’re not gonna do whatever when, supposedly, it’s your “job” or “responsibility” to do this even if it’s only implied?”
She fired right back, “I don’t have to if I don’t want to!” and I allowed that this is true… and said that if she was still wondering why a guy would cheat on her, well, hmm, could that be a reason? She said it wasn’t… and I want all of you to think about that.
Any time that a person’s wants, needs, and desires are not being taken care of and as they expect them to be, the potential for infidelity – cheating – to show up is now in play. We always want to know how we can keep someone from cheating on us and the answer is, actually, a simple one: Don’t deprive your partner of whatever it might be that they want, need, and desire and to the best of your ability… and while a lot of people actually do their best in this… but not everyone is willing to do that, are they?
They don’t have to if they don’t want to, right? So relationships that has a resident bisexual isn’t going to have an easy time with their sexuality because it’s not very damned likely that their partner is going to “allow” them to explore their needs and desires because the rules of monogamy says they can’t. So bisexuals do find themselves in a stick situation and with some choices to make: Either do nothing about their wants, needs, and desires… or take matters into their own hands because it’s really the only other choice they have other than leaving the relationship which is expected and required in this situation… even if leaving the relationship is a worst-case scenario.
Yes… there is ethical or negotiated infidelity – breaking all the rules and both people agree to break the shit out of them… but how many people are willing to even think about this in order to preserve a relationship and, really, not get cheated on? Not very many and even when, intelligently, it just might make sense to, let’s say, modify the rules of engagement albeit in ways that will most certainly get other people to look at the two of you as if you’ve lost your ever-loving minds.
I’ve said it time and time again: Your relationship is only going to be as good as the two of you are willing to make it and, sexuality not withstanding, eh, not everyone is willing to do this… because they don’t have to if they don’t want to and they’re so totally against something like this that they would rather throw away a good relationship.
And you gotta wonder if this makes a whole lot of sense… and a lot of people are beginning to question the sense in this since life seems to be better when you can share it with someone.
Bisexuals aren’t the only demographic group that cheats – it’s just the one that’ll get a whole lot of attention because, as we all know, bisexuals are just greedy motherfuckers who are always wanting more than what they already have, right? Okay… but what if what they already have isn’t enough? Sucks to be them, doesn’t it? If “Karen” – and for any reason that makes sense to her – needs the touch, comfort and succor that only another woman can provide, well, guess what? The guy she’s with isn’t a woman although, hmm, that’s also possible but I’m not talking about that one. She’s with a man… and that’s all she’s ever supposed to want and need.
Except… people don’t work like that. We try to work like that and, yeah, sometimes, we fail because those rules are and were designed to suppress certain behaviors in us and, at the time, for what was a good reason but, these days, a reason that no longer exists or isn’t as crucial as it once was.
Sigh. It’s one hell of a social clusterfuck, ain’t it? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I just get sick and tired of hearing about bisexuals being serial cheaters when I know that we aren’t the only ones who can have reason to cheat and that reason might not make sense to anyone but the person who feels that their only recourse is to invoke infidelity and the unnegotiated kind. Many feel that it is still better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission… because asking for and getting that permission just cannot should not ever be done.
Except, a lot of people are changing their minds about that because it doesn’t make sense for them to throw away a good relationship when they don’t have to; some are changing their minds because, believe it or not, some “infidelity” is actually a good thing for them to experience because it allows personal growth in a great many areas and I’m not just talking about things sexual; sometimes, just being able to revel in one’s thoughts without getting their head handed to them just works.
We need to rethink this cheating thing. We’ve been of a mind that you’re either monogamous or you aren’t but today? People are figuring out ways to be both and are able to find the level of happiness that keeps them together rather than to pull them apart. Don’t want your partner to cheat on you? Don’t give them a reason to but threats and ultimatums might not be the way to achieve this – we’ve always taken this route and it’s not really all that effective. Dealing with a resident bisexual and you ain’t feeling that? Understand that their being bisexual is about them and not so much about you… unless you’re the one who had them turn to the bi side (and who’s gonna admit that they actually made their partner cheat on them?).
We need to reinvent what it means to be in a relationship so that cheating can be eradicated; the sad part is not everyone is of a mind to work toward this because they believe in the “old ways” and nothing is going to change their mind and, yeah, that’s about the time they get cheated on or find themselves looking for another relationship because they’ve failed to do everything in their power to take care of their partner’s wants, needs, and desires… and because they don’t have to if they don’t want to.
Some seriously fucked up shit… and it’s not just a bisexual problem.