Hmm, that would be me stumbling out of bed and trying to find something to put on my feet so I can haul ass to the bathroom and pretty much running on autopilot when opening the blinds, turning on lights and the TV in the back room so that I can try to catch the day’s weather as I address the sleepy-looking guy in the mirror.
Get the water the right temperature so I can flush my feeding tube; some intense staring at my neck and throat area for any signs that the radiation treatments I underwent are trying to leave me any surprises. Wash. Put on my daytime “makeup,” which is either some cooling and soothing Cera Ve, the oilier Eucerin or the Vaseline-like stickiness of Aquaphor.
Stumble back to the bedroom to get dressed – and in a onesie if I don’t have any appointments; grab glasses, iPhone, iPad, put slippers on then on to the dresser to get the day’s medication – and all without waking my lady up.
Stumble out to the living room to put my stuff down and into the kitchen to put my bottle of water back in fridge and… coffee time. It’s taken me a half an hour to get to this point (and less time if I have an appointment); armed with coffee and a Carnation Instant Breakfast, I go into the back room and take a seat at my desk to wake up the desktop and get to checking for updates and reading the overnight emails before opening a browser to see what might be interesting in the news – then off to check the forums for anything of interest…
Then opening WordPress to read new stuff and to do some scribbling. That pretty much takes care of the first hour and it’s the same thing every day but, of course, every day is different; today, I didn’t stumble to the bathroom but kinda limped to it because my right ankle decided it wanted to fuck with me – and then I open the blinds to look outside and, yep, okay, it’s raining – that explains a few things. It’s the first of the month so I add paying my bills to my computer stuff.
Kinda/sorta pay attention to The Weather Channel; sometimes just sit in the quiet of the early morning – and sometimes wondering why I’m back to getting up to wake the chickens again – and maybe spend a few moments contemplating my navel. Crack open the Instant Breakfast; take medication… and, yeah, why do they make vitamin pills that damned big?
I remember back when I retired and talking to one of my cousins about having retired and she asked me what was I going to do now that I didn’t have to go to work – but, at the time, I was looking for another job and had gotten one but… the stroke fucked all that up. Anyway, I told her my “retirement plan” of doing a lot of nothing and she frowned and suggested that I should volunteer to teach youngsters and older folks computer skills so that they can function in the technological world, and it wasn’t a bad idea except for two things.
The first is I don’t like to teach and the second was I felt that would be too much like working – and I just retired from working. Then the stroke happened and the one thing that stuck in my head was my neurologist telling me to avoid stress at every turn and at all costs… and I was seriously down for that so I’m not of a mind to do anything that’s going to raise my stress levels.
I don’t remember who I was talking to, but they had asked me what I do all day and my answer was, “A whole lot of nothing!” which had them giving me a funny look. “I watch TV, read, do stuff on the computer, play games on my Xbox and in between, mess with my lady and more so when she “doesn’t like” me messing with her – but it’s my job, we both know it, and it’s a lot of fun.
Whoever I was talking to wanted to scold me for not engaging in productive activities and I said, “Like what? I’m doing exactly what I wanted to do -what I planned to do – when I retired… and don’t you have to go to work?”
So many first hours of the day; so many of them the same as the day before but not really because the differences can be subtle or rather overt. I sometimes catch myself being on autopilot in that first hour, which is pretty funny most of the time; sometimes the routine gets disrupted because I’ve done something “out of sequence,” like I’ve grabbed a straw for my liquid breakfast before I’ve taken it out of the fridge, which can be rather eye-rolling because routine isn’t supposed to deviate like that… is it?
And all throughout that first hour, I am thankful and grateful to be able to go through another first hour of the day.
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