My brain seems to be stuck on being nearly deliriously happy that I didn’t become bisexual as an adult. I’ve learned over all this time that bisexuality can land on someone “out of nowhere” or what they call bisexual latency wakes up after being dormant for x-amount of time and says, “Okay – time for you to be bisexual!”
There was a time when I thought that being bisexual was confusing as anything I was aware of but I got to see guys who got bitten by the bisexuality bug – and why they didn’t isn’t important at this moment – who found themselves immediately in over their heads because their thoughts and feelings were seriously clashing with our socioreligious norms and being aware of the angst against homosexual men and, here of late, bisexual men which, from where I’m sitting, is the same old shit from way back in the day and all that really happened is they changed the “title” of the angst, tossed in some uniquely bisexual concerns and now there are a lot of men coming into their bisexuality at this point in their lives and having to deal with all of this shit and… so many are barely treading water because while the aforementioned crap makes it hard for a guy to accept that he’s bisexual, so many guys are buying into the more homoromantic aspects of bisexuality and, yeah, like bi guys are gay guys.
I didn’t have to deal with that crap. My biggest concern was not getting caught having sex with a guy, followed by some guy I did it with being a blabbermouth and telling everyone he knew what we did and, sheesh, now they’re all up in my grill and asking questions that aren’t any of their damned business and, no: I am not gay and I don’t know what makes you think that I am.
Oh, it’s because I have sex with guys and, excuse me, but did you miss the part where I love the shit out of the ladies and pussy? Obviously, you have selective hearing but I learned to understand the why of this because we knew about gay dudes; we didn’t know shit about guys who went both ways and if we did, well, maybe now you can understand why it’s said that bisexuality is just being on your way to being gay and it still irks the shit out of me that my “gay side” is the only part of my bisexuality that a lot of people pay attention to – and all because of the great angst toward homosexuals and homosexual men in particular.
By the time I got to be an adult, society hadn’t learned anything of value about sexuality other than ranting and raving against homosexual men and women, which had some of these folks pitching a bitch about straight people and, oh, yeah, bisexuals, too, and I would come to think that my being bisexual often confused gay folks because like so much of society and the world at large, people were either straight or they were gay and here I am essentially telling someone that I’m both – and they were unable to imagine this being true but who are you going to believe? Me… or society’s lying ass?
Prior to all of this – and it goes back to the halcyon days of being in high school – the only concern I had was being misidentified as being gay and not only being subjected to what I saw as a bunch of really stupid questions, but I had to be on guard about real homophobes wanting to “teach me a lesson about being gay and how real men are supposed to be” and, in their ignorance, they couldn’t understand that, yes, I have sex like a gay dude – but I’m not a gay dude and if you don’t believe me, go ask your sister or, sometimes, yeah, go ask your girlfriend if she thinks I’m gay.
Of course, back then, it was deemed to be seriously impossible that a gay dude would want to be sexually intimate with a female and, yeah, even I believed it until, many years later, I met a gay dude who admitted enjoying getting some pussy, you know, not that it was something he did all of the time. Even as early as the beginning of junior high school, I was learning so much about homophobia and the ongoing social angst toward homosexual men and how it was impacting all kinds of social interactions and, yeah, including the sexual ones and it was all fascinating to me to find myself immersed in this while not really being a part of it because I knew I wasn’t gay. By the time I got out of junior high school, I not only knew who I was a person, I knew what I was and got all settled into my bisexuality by… not paying attention to all of the dumb shit that everyone else still believed in.
And being “floored” to learn that (1) bisexuality has always been with us and (2) we – the world – still hadn’t learned anything from our sexual history except to foment and promote hatred and even violence toward anyone who wasn’t straight and the continued belief that if you weren’t straight, you had to be gay.
And finding out that there were gay dudes who didn’t like me because I wasn’t gay. So now, bisexuals were getting “da bizness” from both sides of the track and it’s just humans behaving badly as usual and nothing to see here and nothing to really be worried about because, growing into adulthood, I had a lot of things going on that were more important than paying attention to some bullshit that I knew wasn’t true.
I… tend to feel some kind of way to see adult males who are just now coming into their bisexuality and falling victim to both the old bullshit and the new and fresher piles of bullshit being laid down ever since that damned article by the New York Times put out that “confirmed” that bisexuality was very real. Well, duh – do you think? There was already a lot of shit that bi guys (in particular) had to deal with and this revelation just brough more bullshit and the providers of the bullshit going out of their way to make everyone believe that straight folks were the source of this new hatred… and that’s not entirely true as I learned that some gay folks still had some bones to pick with bisexuals and still about bisexuals not being homosexuals. The LGB community had geared up and making in-roads toward forcing society to treat homosexuals like everyone is treated, i.e., straight folks and this was all good until the LGBTQ+ community was heard to say that bisexuals don’t belong in the community because we have a straight privilege and, as such, we didn’t share the problems that lesbians and gays were still facing.
Except we were… in stereo. I’m sitting back in the cut and watching, with my jaw on the floor, people making up shit about what they think bisexuality is and how it’s supposed to be and attempting to erase bisexuality and not unlike society’s been trying to erase homosexuality all of this time and they’ve failed to do so and I wonder what makes society think that they can erase bisexuality… with words? Just because you think bisexuality isn’t real doesn’t mean that it isn’t. I understood this but I see the impact of this… insanity on bisexuals today and, yeah, I’m seriously glad that I didn’t have to deal with this bullshit when I became bisexual.
I see bi guys fussing and worrying about shit that makes no sense to me, like knowing damned well that you’re bisexual and insisting that the definition doesn’t apply to you or, as I’ve been saying, trying to convince others – and maybe even yourself – that you’re not the duck you’ve been quacking like or otherwise losing their ever-loving minds buying into the nonsense being distributed via social media that, upon further review, only serves to make being bisexual a hell of a lot more confusing that it already was – and seeing so many guys making being bisexual harder on themselves than is reasonable or even necessary.
It’s like this. If you’re bisexual, you like boys and girls for sex, love, and/or relationships but those three things aren’t as mutually inclusive as we’ve been led to believe but that’s the very simple and basic way to describe bisexuality… until you hear how everyone else is describing it and putting their own spin on it and… what the fuck is going on? I have sat back and watched the dynamics of male bisexuality undergo major changes, most of them good, some of them that fall into the WTF category. Now you were either a top or a bottom, but you’d better not be an effeminate bottom which was just a continuation of the great hatred of effeminate gay men and, yeah, especially the more flamboyant ones who just flaunted their homosexuality in everyone’s face – and society wasn’t feeling it then or now.
Today, tops are wondering where all these submissive bottoms came from and the submissive bottoms are wondering why there are no tops who wants to top them – and my private thought that, um, if you weren’t acting like a woman, maybe more tops would top you since tops like their men… to act like men when taking the dick. It is not to say that sub bottoms aren’t men because they are but there’s a glut of sub bottoms that have been emerging and tops, well, they don’t seem to know what to do about them but I’ve also heard some tops say that they like their bottoms to be submissive… and in ways that I know I’d never be or do and as I keep picking my jaw up off the floor and, oh, yeah, I’m not a bottom; it seems that my being versatile – I can top and bottom – is like a dying breed although there seems to be a reemergence of guys looking for guys who are willing to flip flop and… there is so much shit in the game that it’s no wonder so many bi guys today are having problems trying to wrap their head around it.
I grew up in a time where if you were bisexual, you just wanted to have sex with a guy and… that was it because anything else – being in a relationship – was way too gay. Yeah, I found out first-hand that it isn’t but casual sex ruled the roost but not only has that changed but there’s a lot of fear attached to casual sex that takes things totally out of context and there are so many bi guys who believe that casual sex is the great evil and that the only safe sex is having a FWB relationship with a guy. When I saw this… move to normalize bisexuality, I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not and, years after I noticed this, I’m still not sure if it’s a good thing or that it isn’t although when you take note of the gazillion of bi guys whining and complaining about not being able to find a man to have sex with, I’m thinking that this current mindset isn’t doing male bisexuality a lot of good because it seems to me that this “generation” of bisexual men don’t seem to understand that the way to get a FWB is… to have sex with guys until you find the guy who, in essence, wants to be your boyfriend or, to take the sting out of that, wants to be your suck and/or fuck buddy but with some strings attached.
And I continue to sit back and observe all of this taking place while scratching my head a lot. The number of bi guys I’ve seen who are also scratching their heads because they can’t make any sense out of the current raft of bullshit floating down the river and seeing it having more of a deleterious effect on these “modern bisexual” than it does on OG guys like me because I’m not the only bi dude from way back in the day who’s scratching their head and wondering what the dooflicky fuck is going on here… and some of them are asking me and… damned if I know.
I see it; I recognize it; I almost see the sense of it but it’s bisexuality the way a “changing society” wants it to be which, in my opinion, not the way bisexuality can be since, growing up back in the day, we didn’t have anyone trying to tell us how to be bisexual – other than don’t have sex with boys – and I don’t pretend to understand why a bi guy would be willing to let society dictate how he is to be bisexual and mandating relationship sex – and as it always has mandated and, well, think about that one because I have and… it doesn’t make sense since even I know that you don’t have to be in a relationship with anyone in order to have sex with them: You just have to want to and if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Not only is this following the heteronormative way of doing things, guys are sitting on their asses and waiting for a ready-made FWB to drop into their laps. Even I knew from back in the day that if you wanted/needed a fuck or suck buddy, um, you had to interview guys for the job and I don’t mean just talking to them. You did your due diligence on the guy, slept with him, and if it was good enough for both of you, yeah, sure, not going to mind getting together again because it’s convenient and if you already have a buddy, you don’t need to get out there and look – and work – for another one.
It’s not that I think having an FWB is a bad thing; I just think it’s unrealistic that there are bi guys who want one but don’t want to do the work it takes to get one and because the way to do it, in their eyes, is just too dangerous and… what the fuck? Trying to have sex with anyone is inherently dangerous and always has been but it’s like I’ve been telling guys: Amazon doesn’t have FWBs; unless you’re stupidly lucky, an FWB isn’t just going to drop into your lap and he’s already perfect for you. Yeah, the apps available are a pain in the ass (and not the good kind) and guys have so much stranger danger these days that to suggest that they go hang out where guys hang out and get the lay of the land and see if you can get lucky is anathema to some (but not all) guys and… you still can’t get something for nothing.
There is still no such thing a free lunch even when it comes to bisexuality and that quest to get some dick or as I tell my protege, you gotta bring ass to get ass because, clearly, if you don’t, guess what you won’t be doing other than sitting on the toilet and beating your meat fantasizing about having sex with a guy? And some of the fantasies I’ve observed kinda makes my skin crawl – and I’ve seen and done some stuff that I still think of as being outrageous – but the difference here is that I did them and not just sat on my ass with my dick in my hand and daydreaming about it… and appearing to be scared shitless to get out there and actually do it.
More later – it’s time for playoff hockey!
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