One of my many pet peeves that I’ll admit to is seeing guys who experimented – fooled around – with a male friend and blows it off like it didn’t mean anything, act like it never happened, or otherwise minimizes something that can be important in a guy’s development if they happen to wind up fooling around with another guy because not all guys experience this prior to adulthood.
Did I fool around with my male friends and other guys? Oh, hell, yeah, I did, and it was serious for most of us. Adult Me looks back to those very heady days and can see that having sex with a friend was not just experimenting but a form of bonding or friends becoming more than friends. I could also see that need to… be a part of the crowd and how different the gestalt was for those of us who were in the crowd and for those who were on the outside looking in as well as how clannish we could be as well as displaying an uncool human behavior: If you’re not like us, you’re against us.
Guys who didn’t want to have sex with any of us, well, you don’t have to leave but you can’t stay here. It wasn’t like they weren’t cool dudes to hang out with because most of them were but when dicks got hard, they’d get into the wind and no matter how much you tried to convince them that, really, it’s not as bad as you think it is but, okay, run away while we go somewhere and do it to each other. With our tribe, rejecting someone who wasn’t like us rarely got violent – and unlike what could happen with the other tribes that we weren’t aware of until our tribe – our Band of Horny Brothers – was formed and got up and running like the wind.
The truth is that fooling around like this just wasn’t for everyone and a lot of guys who tried it not only didn’t like it but went away with some degree of trauma and usually because whoever tried to do them didn’t care whether or not any of it was bothering them and, thankfully, we didn’t have any guys like that in our tribe – but we knew those asshats from other tribes who’d try to invade us and impose their will upon us. Some guys weren’t so much traumatized because of the sex but because they just couldn’t do it and now they weren’t going to be a part of the crowd and, no, not like they had to be but even Adult Me recognized that need to be accepted by friends and others even if it was quite wise to not let a potential friend know that you liked having sex with boys.
Now, for me, l wouldn’t say being a founding member of The Band of Horny Brothers was typical because we were kinda out there and when I say that we all went batshit crazy having the sex, I’m not kidding and it was very much like a contagious infection because most guys who tried it went crazy with it and right along with the rest of us. As I was allowed to roam the city, I’d encounter other tribes that was like ours but with some differences and I would sometimes run into a guy who wanted to be a part of his local tribe but they, well, they didn’t want him – but he wanted to have sex with a guy and, yeah, right time, right place and I felt that the guy’s local tribe was stupid not to admit him because his desire to have sex with a guy was usually pretty powerful and made having sex with them one hell of an experience.
One of the things about experimenting was that, of course, we weren’t supposed to do it; wasn’t supposed to know anything about sex and don’t you dare play with that thing (or place) between your legs! One of the contradictions was that if you were experimenting, if you weren’t ordered to cease and desist immediately if not sooner, well, dammit, you’d better give that shit up before you’re an adult! Many of the Band of Horny Brothers dutifully gave it up or they got that cease-and-desist order and it was going to suck to be you if you disobeyed it.
Chasing girls and trying to get the pussy is what we were expected to do – and even I was deep into the chase and learning more about socially interacting with girls but, yeah, you know it – if I couldn’t have sex with a girl, it wasn’t that big of a deal because there were always guys looking to get a blowjob or to sink their boner in my ass – and willing to give one and take my boner in their butt. The guys who walked away would often express regret for walking away and acted like they couldn’t get back into the game – but you kinda understood what growing up meant and once you walked away from something, there was no going back and more so when you had parents hammering home the male gender role and its responsibilities and how it all worked with women (don’t you dare keep calling them girls!) and we dutifully did what we were supposed to… without giving up our desire for a hard dick because while we were supposed to give it up, um, what if you didn’t want to?
If a guy fooled around, it was either a little or a lot and the details varied from doing the “show me yours” thing that could lead to another guy touching your prick at the least or stroking it to make it hard and, boy, did that ever feel good. Or it was right to sucking dick, and sometimes right to attempts at anal sex, most of which didn’t go all that well, yeah, it hurt like a motherfucker and let’s not do that again, okay? Some guys could lean more toward the romantic aspects – but not like gay dudes were and, besides, gay dudes were the Great Evil and even the Band of Horny Brothers knew that we weren’t gay because we weren’t like the one gay guy among us; he not only loved to have sex, but he was into cuddling and kissing and it’s how I learned that… I didn’t really like cuddling and kissing with guys.
What I was learning was that experimentation covered a lot of stuff and everyone’s experience was different, affected them differently, and who knew that this could be so complicated? I would read an article about how boys experimenting with each other was allowed because it prepared them for being able to have sex with a female and, yeah, I could see how that could work except you also learned – and very damned quickly – that females, well, you had to do a lot of work to (a) get them to have sex with you and (b) make them very happy.
Getting into the adult years and encountering guys who would admit that, yeah, they fooled around back in the day… but it didn’t mean anything and I’m wondering, “What do you mean it didn’t mean anything?” while they were loudly professing their love of females – and like they had better be doing lest they get singled out as being a faggot. I’d run into guys who fooled around but because they were busting a nut at the time, it didn’t mean anything and/or it just didn’t happen and… maybe it was just me but this sounded like a lot of serious denial because how can you do something and then say that it didn’t happen?
Well, I had plenty of opportunities to find out why and the stigma and abject hatred of homosexuals was directly responsible for this kind of denial – but what I also was finding out was that guys who fooled around back in the day were more like to… come back to the party than the guys who didn’t fool around back then – and those guys would often find it hard to get into the sex – at first or, for some, not at all.
I had a dislike for guys who did fool around and acted like they didn’t. It didn’t mean anything to them but, ahem, here they are asking me if I’ve ever had sex with a guy and it was clear to me that he’s asking because he wants to have sex with me and I admit to kicking the “denial dudes” to the curb because I felt insulted; oh, it didn’t mean anything when you and your boy were doing each other like there was no tomorrow but you denied that it ever happened – but you want me to blow you? To me, it was a matter of principle and it took some doing on my part to stop dissing dudes for something that, really, wasn’t their fault – it was the fault in the way we were being told what it means to be male and a man so, yeah, if you fooled around back in the day and now you’re all grown up, you categorically deny that you did – and enjoyed – something a lot of guys did and more so when gay dudes still didn’t have the best reputation in the world.
It just irks me to see guys saying that, yeah, they fooled around back in the day and immediately minimize the whole experience – and here they are in a forum for bisexuals and looking for cocks to suck and, I felt, unaware that the reason why they want to play with a dick is because they did so back in the day and, again, compared to guys who legitimately did not fool around but they’ve managed to get bitten by the bug just the same.
I had run into a guy who convinced me that if we were to go to his place and blow each other, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. We’re talking before the fact – and I’m using what I’m hearing to decide one way or the other – and he says that he always wanted to suck a guy’s cock but never had the chance. Well, we get to his place, the clothes come off and he made me feel like I’d been attached to a machine designed to suck dick! Come to find out that he lied to me about not having the chance to suck cock before and he had, in fact, fooled around for years with his best friend and… I felt some kind of way about that. I shouldn’t have and more so when I knew that guys will say anything they have to in order to get you naked and have their way with you.
He was magnificent; his fooling around experiences with his best friend made him that way and I asked him, “Why deny it?” and he immediately said, “I didn’t want you to think I was a faggot…” and it really wasn’t the first time I’d heard a guy say this in reference to him denying that he fooled around and liked it.
It just makes no sense to have fooled around and then act like it didn’t mean anything or, worse, like it never happened. I understand why guys do this and, again, it’s not really their fault but the fault of how we’re raised and being told that guys who like to have sex with other guys are homos, fairies, so on and so forth when the truth was no, not all guys who are into sex with guys are gay.
It’s the year of our Lord, 2024, and there are still guys who fooled around back in their youth and categorically deny it in some way or another… but are making a lot of noise about wanting to get a hard dick in their mouth or their ass and, as far as I understand it, because they already know what it’s like and they liked it when they fooled around and they obviously want to keep on liking it. Curious guys are different; chances are they never fooled around but they knew guys who did and some probably got to see it firsthand – but didn’t join in but, yeah, what’s it like? There’s nothing for them to deny other than their curiosity about something they shouldn’t be curious about but a lot of curious guys will admit that they’re curious and they’d love to be able to take care of that if they can find the right guy and all that good stuff – and I learned that some guys are so curious about it that they’ve learned all they could learn about having the sex so when they finally get to lose their cherry, holy shit – you’d think that they’d been doing it all long!
You never discount how curiosity can drive someone… and if you fooled around back in the day, it’s okay to say that you did and if you liked it or not. I’d often talk to guys who’d admit that, yeah, they fooled around but they didn’t like it – but they kept having sex with guys and they were not being forced or coerced into having sex and… what the fuck? Come to find out that, yeah, duh, they fooled around and kept fooling around because they did like it but that imposed guilt that so many guys find difficult to deal with and is also responsible for them denying that they tried it and liked it.
I’m negotiating with a guy, and he asks me if I ever fooled around when I was younger and I said, “Yeah, and like it was nobody’s business!” He asks me how I could admit to it, and I say, “Why would I deny it when I know what I did and how much I loved doing it then and now? It was one of the major highlights of my life and for me to deny it means I’m lying to myself and why would I do that?”
He tells me that if we do this, it wouldn’t really be his first time because he experimented in his youth, too – but tried to convince me that he didn’t enjoy it and I just said, “Stop lying about it or this conversation is over.” Why did he lie? All the “usual stuff” about being afraid of being gay, what would others think or say about him if he told them that he did it and liked doing it.
“I don’t see the point in lying about it when you’re talking to a guy about doing the one thing you lied about,” I said. “It makes me wonder if you’re really sincere and if you’re lying about this, what else could you be lying about?” I was a good minute away from declaring this deal broken when he asked if I’d give him a chance to prove that he’s being for-real and sincere and, really, I not only felt that I’d be remiss not to give him that chance, I was horny as fuck to suck a dick so he got his chance.
“You might want to reconsider lying about what you did back in the day when you’re trying to get some dick from a guy now,” I said after we were done with each other. “You can’t act like it didn’t happen when you know that it did and if you liked it then, you liked it and if you didn’t, not only did you not like it, but it makes it unlikely that you’d want to do it again.”
I would learn that some guys hated it but wanted to go for it again because they had something to prove to themselves or as one guy said, “Just because I didn’t like it then doesn’t mean that I’m not going to like it now…”
Just one of my pet peeves. If you fooled around, then you did. If you liked it, then you did and while you might not be of a mind to admit this to someone else, don’t lie to yourself about it and more so when, somewhere down the road, the urge to rejoin the party might show up and the guys you now want to engage with aren’t gonna be mad at you if you experimented back in the day and you just might be preferred over a guy who didn’t fool around.
End of any day, it’s a pet peeve of mine and one I know I shouldn’t have but I never said I was perfect because I fooled around big time back in the day and I’m glad that I did and I’d never lie about it – but it doesn’t mean that other men have reason to and… it’s not their fault that they feel guilt and shame over having fooled around with something that none of us were supposed to fool around with… while it was also expected that we would.
More about that one some other time…
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