Despite what some demographic studies say, bisexuals come from all walks of life and from every race, color, and creed. I’ve seen stuff written that suggests that bisexuality is running rampant in low-income, low education, and urban locations and when I see stuff like this, I wonder who’s compiling the data and given the nature of said data, if collectors are specifically going into these areas and singling out any bisexuals who fall into these categories… provided they can actually find them since, you know, bisexuals are reported not to exist.
Ha, ha… sure they don’t.
Over these many years, I try to pay attention to what other bi guys are doing and saying; one of the things I’ve been seeing is how bi guys have gone from getting with any guy who’d be willing to get with them to being pretty specific about this and to the point where a guy’s precious preferences can sometimes be looked at as a form of prejudice and even discrimination due to age, height, weight, ethnicity and other factors. While any bi guy has the right to want what he wants and in the way he wants it and can have some experiences, because male bisexuality seems to be lacking a sense of diversity, many guys climb out of the heterosexual box, get into the bisexual box, find a comfortable spot, and just stay there… and some of them begin to wonder why they’re not getting much – or any – action. Or, in some cases, guys are having a grand time getting their freak on but find themselves in a bit of a rut and the sex, while good, doesn’t seem to be as satisfying as it was when they first hit the field.
Many years ago and while at a conference, I was talking to a guy during a break and we both “confessed” that we were bisexual. I’ll say that as usual, it’s always fun to run into another bi guy and talk to him (even if nothing else happens) when he pointed out another guy attending the conference and said, “Now, that guy right there? I’d never sleep with him!” I looked at the guy in question and he looked pretty average to me but I asked him why he wouldn’t sleep with that rather handsome guy.
“Because he’s white,” came the answer. That made me blink for a moment before he continued by saying, “Oh, and no offense, but I wouldn’t sleep with you because you’re black.”
I wasn’t offended but I’ll admit that my brain got stuck for a moment before I could ask him what made him make decisions like that and, unsurprising, he couldn’t really explain his reason all that well and when I asked him if he ever had sex with another white guy or even a black one, he said that he hadn’t… and because he knew he wouldn’t like it. I remember shrugging and not saying anything else about it even though, after the conference was done for the day,we hung out for dinner later on. Over periods of time, I started to see a lot of things like this – guys having some pretty specific preferences but, at the same time, often complaining that whatever action they were getting was either limited, not all that gratifying, satisfying and, sometimes, exciting as it started out to be. A lot of guys invoked a form of age discrimination and in either direction, i.e., a guy could be ready, willing, and able… but if he was “too young” or “too old” that was a deal breaker for them. If a guy didn’t meet certain physical qualities, i.e., he wasn’t height-weight proportionate, no deal… and the same if the guy under observation was too tall, too short, too skinny, overweight – you get the gist of things, don’t you? I’ve seen guys get passed over for reasons that, as an observer, just blows me away (and not in that really good way); I once was negotiating with a guy who was quite promising, only to have those negotiations break down because I was two years younger than he was and deemed to be “too young” for anything to happen between us.
Wait… what? An even better question was, “What the hell is going on with this shit?” When a guy would tell me that my dick wasn’t big enough – or was too big, didn’t have foreskin or, get this, my nuts weren’t big enough – I would think that there’s something really wrong happening and more so when there was a time when guys didn’t really care about such picky details – the only thing that mattered was you could agree on what to do when the clothes came off. I began seeing this… behavior somewhere around the early 1990s and it’s gained a lot of strength and momentum as guys started to get very damned picky about who they got naked with and then, to make shit even more baffling, guys who wanted to sleep with other guys – but hadn’t done so yet – were being very picky about the kind of guy they wanted to have their first experience with.
Even my protegé has shown signs of this behavior; he likes a specific type of guy and while he’s getting plenty of action from his guy of choice, he often complains that while the sex is good, eh, other aspects aren’t all that good and I’ve asked him, simply, why he won’t just step away from his preferences and check out guys who are, for all intents and purposes, outside of those preferences. For instance, he gravitates to older Black men who look like they could play for the NFL and on the defensive or offensive line but when I asked him why he wouldn’t throw down with, say, a white guy his age (or even a little younger), he said that he didn’t think he’d enjoy the interaction, prompting me to ask him, “Well, if you don’t ever do it, how can you know that it wouldn’t be enjoyable?”
At least he had the good sense not to say, “Because I know I wouldn’t like it!”
It seems to me that if a bi guy isn’t happy with men who fall into their preference zone – or they’re simply not getting action at all – well, why not do things differently because there are a whole lot of different guys out there? Sure, it’s okay to have preferences but as you’ve seen me write at times, there’s such a thing as setting the bar too high and being too specific in those preferences just does not take advantage of the diversity that exists when it comes to men. I’ve learned that a lot of this has to do with attraction – lots and lots of emphasis on this these days and while you, dear reader, might not think that this is all that unusual, since I’ve been around for a while, I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that it didn’t use to be like that; if a guy was clean, healthy, agreeable and trustworthy, something would happen… but not so much these days. Guys are seriously into what they prefer, like the guys who are size queens, for instance; these dudes would pass over a guy who didn’t have at least seven inches and had a great mindset and personality for a guy who was sporting ten thick inches and proved to be a bit of an asshole… and I try to make sense of all of this and more so when so many men who have these… rather limiting preferences are also the ones complaining that they can’t find a guy to have sex with. I’ve even asked these guys, in the area of attraction, why they aren’t attracted to the sex or why they don’t seem to be able to get all charged up over the prospect of having sex… and it seems that some guys have developed an angst against being attracted to sex first and prefer some other kind of attraction to be immediately present before any sex can be – or will be – considered.
Look, I’m not saying these guys aren’t within their rights because they are but, again, I ask a simple question: If you’re not getting the dick you want and the way you want it because of your preferences (and the way you think about attraction), why won’t you change stuff so that you can have the sex you say you need and badly so? Why not take advantage of the huge diversity that’s available? Once upon a time, getting some dick was so easy it wasn’t funny; today, eh, not so much and despite what some guys say, it really isn’t harder (no pun) to find a guy to have sex with as they say it is because there are literally millions of men who’d be more than happy to get naked with you… if you were more of a mind to be more diverse in your pursuits and do things in a way that makes getting some dick easier and not harder.
Last night, I was giving my protegé the business during our conversation about diversity or, specifically, his lack of said diversity. He said that he does get with other guys – and he does… but all of the guys he gets with are in his wheelhouse. We were talking about twinks one day – and because one contacted him (yes, he was of legal age) and sent him a pic of a backside that even I thought was nice. He said, “I should take him up on his offer!” because the twink was younger – like 25 or so – and Oriental and I said, “Yeah,you should – go for it! If nothing else,you can find out how guys from other cultures deal with bisexuality, right?”
And he didn’t get with the guy and, sorry, my Padawan learner, it was because the younger Oriental guy with the nice butt was outside of his preferences. The thing I can’t get my head around is that, intelligently, my protegé understands the diverse nature of male bisexuality and agrees that such diversity is a damned good thing… but he can’t seem to break out of the box he’s locked himself into and, yeah, he even knows that this isn’t a good thing. And at a high level of thought, I’m thinking that this lack of diversity isn’t as good of a thing as some might think it is because, if nothing else, you lessen your chances for sexual experiences (and even emotional ones if you’re into that aspect) more than anything else.
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