Decisions, decisions, decisions. Even if one doesn’t take their first physical dip into the bisexuality pool, one will usually think about what, if anything, they want to do; answering those “what would it be like” questions can be pretty important.
One can ask someone they know who also has already answered the questions or they can hit the Internet and read… and, um, see a lot of what can be done but while it might look and sound good – and as I say repeatedly – actually doing it could be “that easy” or it may not. Time for a back in the day moment!
Growing up with this with my friends, we did it all… except kissing and cuddling and I’d have to say that we “knew” that these two things were things that girls liked… for the most part. But, eh, we’re guys – we cut right to the chase! Sucking, fucking, jerking each other off and sometimes all of the above and, along the way, you learn what you like and what you don’t like and, importantly, who does what in the ways you wind up liking and not liking so much.
JuneBug could suck a mean dick… but was like a monkey fucking a football when sticking it in. Phil wasn’t all that good at sucking dick but, boy, could he stick it in and make it feel amazing. Charlie, who in today’s terms would be an effeminate gay bottom, was spectacular at sucking dick and could take a fucking and no matter how you did it or how long you did it to him.
We all learned by doing. We also learned that even if, say, it was you and JuneBug, just because he “couldn’t do it right” when he stuck it in, he could still stick it in because, for us, not being fair about it didn’t make sense to us: Whatever I’d do to you, you could do to me even if I didn’t like it or didn’t like the way it was being done all that much.
It was the biggest crime: Doing the nasty with another boy. Who wouldn’t want to do that? Well, sure – some guys wouldn’t… but I’m not talking about them. In great and frequent moments of youthful debauchery, we found out the answers to the questions of what it was like to suck dick (and to be sucked), what it was like to fuck a boy (and be fucked) and, yup, what did the baby-making stuff taste like; what would it be like to have more than one boy do it to you (and be one of a few guys to do it to another boy).
That we’d eventually sort things out into those “like” and “don’t like” categories – and then have our favorite friends to do it with – well, that was to be expected but there wasn’t one of us who had something on their “don’t like” list that we hadn’t already tried… and more than once or twice. Okay, back to the present.
Thanks to the wealth of information out there, both written and, um, visual, bisexuals who are ready to dive in can pick and choose what things they want to do and what things they want to avoid. Because of sexuality forums, they can interact with the membership to ask questions and learn what others like and don’t like and then go through the process of deciding if they, too, will like – or not like – this, that, or the other. They also make or confirm a decision whether to be a top, bottom, or both, based upon their own thoughts and feelings as well as any other information they’ve managed to gather before they disrobe and get ready to test the waters.
And they still have to actually do it and, again, might be easy as pie and it might not be as easy as it sounded and looked. Which brings me to something Cityman and I were talking about last night and it comes in the form of a question:
“Why won’t some guys use their dick like it’s supposed to be used?”
These days and pretty much right out of the gate, guys make decisions about not wanting to suck cock and not even being interested in fucking a guy and the obvious question is why, right? To be able to answer this question, you’d have to ask the guy… and then hope he’s able to answer the question. The part in this I find interesting is how guys are able to make these decisions before having an actual experience but, really, it’s just a matter of them thinking that they’re not gonna like this or that so if/when the time comes, they’re just not gonna do it and, indeed, guys make the decision on the top/bottom/both thing based on their feelings and whatever information they’ve obtained.
Some guys, well, hmm. Some guys don’t ever want their dick to be sucked and there are a lot of reasons I’ve heard about this including thinking that their dick, such as it is, isn’t worth sucking or they have the “bottom mindset” that seems to say and insist that if you’re a bottom, your job is to suck dick and be fucked and returning those favors, well, that’s just not to be done and even, simpler, it’s not what they want to do when they get naked with another guy. Some guys say that they don’t like having their dick sucked but to find out exactly why they don’t, you’d have to ask them why they’re of a mind that it does nothing for them.
Similar things about fucking and sometimes that gets… weird. Guys can fuck women “easily” enough and some can – and even want to – fuck women in the ass (if she’s gonna let him). A lot of guys believe that fucking a guy in the ass is different when it really isn’t but because they do, wow, that’s pretty scary and sometimes a guy won’t fuck another guy because he doesn’t want to be fucked. Wait… it gets better… or not.
Some guys can be diamond-hard and the moment they go to stick it in da butt, bye-bye erection and the more they try, nope, ain’t gonna happen… but the moment they stop trying, it’s back to being diamond-hard again. The usual cause for this is one’s mind saying that, um, you do know what comes out of there, don’t you and knowing this just flips a switch so that it can’t be done. Just like a guy can be diamond-hard, put on a condom… and no erection and, no – I’ve never figured that one out and believe me, I’ve tried to.
Being fucked? Well everyone knows that shit hurts going it and because plenty of people have said it does. It’s more than that, though, because somewhere in the deepest reaches of their mind, something is insisting that only girls are to be fucked and that “girly feeling” some guys admit to experiencing is a huge turn-off and one that they can’t get their head around and even if they’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be fucked.
When you are able to get ahold of information like this, it can make it hard to make up one’s mind on what they want to do and, for the ladies, it’s not that easy for them either. Some women love to be eaten… don’t even ask them to return the favor. Some women can get their fingers all up in there… and some just can’t. Kissing? Eh, um, let’s not and say we did. Lavish a ton of attention on breasts and nipples? Hmm. And for many, if it’s something that men do that they don’t like, it’s assumed that if a woman does it, well, they’re not gonna like it.
Some women just do not like being eaten. Oh, they might let you do it but since they’ve never had an orgasm this way, all you’re really doing is wasting their time. It just doesn’t do a damned thing for them except make them uncomfortable and bored so, again, if a woman does it, to them, it’s not going to be any different.
And the question I ask in any of these things is, “But if you don’t try it, how are you gonna know for sure that you aren’t going to like it?” And many men and women have answered, “I just know I won’t…” and hearing this over all this time told me that when it comes to deciding on what to do, the power of belief can play a big role in the decision-making process and that, all by itself, can make the process a difficult one.
“What if I don’t like it?” Well, you might not… but where’s the harm in trying? Even I’ve told people that, at the least, you should try it at least twice: Once to prove you can do it and again to determine if you really did like it or not. Additionally, I’ll tell people something they may not think about and that’s the conditions under which the first time took place and just because the conditions at that time didn’t make for a literal good outcome doesn’t mean that the next time – and even with the same person – the outcome is going to be not so good.
But we believe that if it wasn’t good the first time, it will never be good. We often believe that if someone tells them that they had a horrible same-sex experience, it’s pretty much assumed that the experience they’re thinking about will be just as bad and maybe worse. And even worse, once one decides that it’s gonna be bad and/or they’re not gonna like it, you’re probably never going to get them to change their minds…
And a lot of people make this decision before they even try to do it and it can wind up creating quite the quandary because this kind of thinking will prevent them from doing something that something inside them is telling them they have to do. Many make up their mind that whatever they want to do ain’t gonna be shit because it may or may not involve an emotional connection and they’re pretty sure that it’s gonna be like that… and I’ve wondered about and asked, “How do you know that?”
Well, it’s usually because one tends to overthink it. See, having a same-sex experience is, for many people, way outside of anything they’ve ever experienced even though they can experience the same things in a same-sex experience – a woman sucking your dick isn’t any different than a guy doing it, for instance. If they’ve had… poor results in this, well, doesn’t that mean that trend is going to continue? And some believe that it will continue.
Think your junk is ugly and no one is going to want to interact with it… and maybe you think that because someone had the nerve to say that to you? Yeah, thoughts like this will very much impact whatever it is you think you’d want to do and make you draw up that huge list of what you’re not gonna do… before you even manage to do it and because of that, you might not ever do it. Many people tend to overthink this so much that it isn’t funny and that having preconceived notions before the fact will have a profound effect on things.
Yes; when thinking about what you want to do you just think about the “what if I don’t like it” part and probably that part more than the “I like it” part and, as such, it can be incredibly difficult to be more… open about stuff. A lot of guys will say, “I don’t get why being fucked in the ass feels so good to some dudes!” and that’s because one can’t really imagine why it would feel good – and many who have tried it has said it really didn’t… but a lot of guys do, in fact, swear by it. What’s up with that? Well, you have to be able to find the pleasure in it because it’s not just gonna show up all by itself and to find the pleasure, well, that might take getting boned a few times before you can find it?
What’s the big deal guys make about eating pussy? It’s a seriously big deal but if you really wanna know why so many of us just love to do it, um, try it and look for the pleasure we find in doing it and if you can, think more about the act itself and not so much the person you’re trying to do this with. That’s important, hands down, but even I’ve learned that if you’re thinking more about the person than trying to enjoy the act itself, when the person doesn’t react or respond in the way you want them to, you’re gonna be disillusioned and all that.
Nothing teaches you about this more than experience does… and your own experiences. We can learn from others and it can be valuable information but you should, if you can, remain as open-minded as possible and with the understand that whatever someone else experienced, well, that was them and your experiences may not reflect those of the other person. Or they might. You won’t know until you try to find out for yourself if the things you’re thinking about doing are really going to work for you.
If you watch “gay” or “lesbian” porn, sure – you can find out what things are and can be done… but real-life stuff sometimes tends to conflict with what porn puts on display and I usually tell people that, sure, you can watch porn as an information-only kind of thing but the way they’re doing it on the screen isn’t always how things are really done so the best thing to do, I think, is to get in there and find out what you can do for yourself so you can learn, without any doubts, what you like and what you’re not gonna like and, if you can, go into things trying to like things more than you dislike them.
It’s easy to compile a to-do/not ever gonna do list in your head. You can create such lists and based on whatever information you can manage to get but nothing beats actual experience. I’ve said it like this:
I can’t stand liver and I know this for a fact because, shit, I’ve had to eat it enough times to know for a fact that I don’t like it and I’ve had it prepared in about every way it can be prepared. Hell, I can cook liver and in many of the ways it can be cooked… just don’t ask me to taste it. Experience taught me this and repeated experiences (eat it or go to bed hungry or get your ass beaten) served to confirm my dislike for liver. My dislike for liver isn’t based upon someone else’s dislike for it. Tried it. Had to eat it. Still don’t like it. Maybe one day I might find a way to like it… but don’t hold your breath on that one because I sure ain’t gonna do that.
When you let the power of belief make decisions for you in these things, you may be doing yourself a favor… and you may not. When you give any preconceived things more weight and they add to your list of things you ain’t gonna do, again, you may be doing yourself a favor… and probably not. Are you gonna like it? Hate it? I dunno and if you haven’t, neither do you. People will “what if” themselves right out of having an experience because we do tend to always think worst-case more than anything else. What if I don’t like it? What if they don’t like it? What if I don’t do it right or they don’t?
So on and so forth. You can wind up missing out on what might be an enjoyable experience or you can wind up not having an experience at all. Yes – give some serious thought about what you want to do. Yes. Gather all the information you can about what you want to do. No – do not make up your mind about liking it or disliking it until you actually do it and, yes, do it as many times as it takes to prove or disprove that you like or don’t like something. Just because you didn’t like it this time doesn’t mean you can’t like it the next time; if it wasn’t all that with this person, it doesn’t mean it’s never gonna be all that and, yeah, even with the same person.
Don’t get all conditional about it and doing this, I’ve learned, will fuck up what someone may want to do in a hurry because they create scenarios and situations in their head that probably won’t match the reality. People will “pre-install” exacting conditions that can’t be met. When you tell yourself that you’ll only do (add something) under these conditions and situations (add those), well, chances are you’ve already set yourself up to fail; you won’t like it and you just might not do it at all.
There is a legitimate reason why sex like this is called experimentation although, I guess, a kinder and gentler way to put it is discovery and when you actually do it, you are, in fact, discovering a lot of things and beginning with your ability to actually do it along with what you may or may not like and enjoy. In this, my friends, theory is one thing… but the proof comes in practical applications and if you’re not going to try to find the pleasure and enjoy it – and to the best of your ability to do so – well, what’s up with that?
Yeah, it can be some seriously scary shit and I will never lie to you about that. It can be all that and even beyond expectations… or not so much and, again, depending on conditions, situations, places, timing and even the person you’re with. I think it remains true that in order to prove to yourself that you’re gonna like whatever you’re thinking about or not, you gotta do it.
Because experience has always been the best teacher. I know the good and bad of this because I’ve done it and I’ve done it until I’ve proven to myself, beyond any doubt, that I don’t like this or that… and even then, I learned to never say never because you never know when you’ll run across that person who can make what you don’t like a very good experience.
Being bisexual is about being open about yourself, sexually and emotionally; it’s also about being open-minded about all of this and it’s a learning process and it’s never too late and you’re never too old (or too young) to learn some stuff about this. You’re gonna run into stuff that you’re not going to like so much and for a lot of reasons and some of which I’ve already mentioned. Just don’t shoot yourself in the foot before you take that first step.
You wanna suck cock? Eat pussy? Go ahead – learn all you can about it and both the good and the bad of it. Then take the next brave step and find out for yourself and definitively prove – and legitimately create – that list of what you will and won’t do. Prove it to yourself and who know?
You might be very pleasantly surprised. There’s a reason I’ve heard so many men and women say that they didn’t know it could be like that and wonder why they never did whatever happened before now. There’s a reason why so many men and women have said, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” Why?
Because they did it and usually more than once or twice.
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