Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Mental Health

03 Jul

This is – and has been – one of the big topic things being brought out in this latest version of the Sexuality War… and it’s a very real concern for a great many people. It doesn’t help that there are those who are running around and making it sound as if depression is something that only affects bisexuals while neglecting to mention that depression has been a problem for all of us and has gotten worse over the last decade or so.

This is the part and moment where I will say that if you’re bisexual and you’re suffering from depression, seek professional help immediately if not sooner… and do so even if your sexuality isn’t the reason why you’re depressed. Some won’t because they don’t want to tell a medical professional that they’re bisexual and some sure don’t want a lot of people knowing that they’re being treated for depression since there’s a good chance they’re going to start asking questions that the affected person might not be of a mind to answer… and those asking the questions might not be okay if they hear the answers.

Being bisexual isn’t easy and I know that’s a Captain Obvious statement but one that has to be said. You not only have to deal with your own thoughts and feelings – and thoughts and feelings that run counter to everything you ever learned about these thing – but the Sexuality War has been hammering everyone who’s been paying attention to it with the back and forth stuff and putting a lot of bisexuals on the defensive and not being able to mount much in the way of offense that’ll lend itself to pushing back the surging offensive smear campaign being enacted by those who oppose bisexuality and insist that despite what untold millions of bisexuals might say, it’s not real or that stupid, pervasive thought that bisexuality is a stepping stone to being gay.

Then, when you get to considering the people who are close to you, there’s no telling how they’re going to react when you pretty much bitch-slap them and reveal that you’re not as straight as they might think you are…. or are supposed to be. The coming-out horror stories are real and lives have been nearly and irreparably shredded when one comes out to someone they know, care about, and even respect, only to have them go all ghetto on them because they’re not straight and, in that fucked up way some people look at this, deceiving them into believing that you were straight when you really weren’t.

I’ve said, time and time again, that when bisexuality pays someone a visit, it can create one hell of an internal conflict that is, all by itself, depressing and something that is not easily dealt with unless one happens to be one of those folks who knew all along that they weren’t that straight and while they had time to accept this about themselves, it doesn’t make them immune to suffering bouts of depression behind it: Just because they’re okay with this doesn’t mean others are going to be okay with it. The real number one concern isn’t, “What am I gonna do about this?”

It’s, “What am I gonna do if someone else finds out?” And “someone else” is usually anyone who is close to them – family, friends, lovers, partners, and even co-workers and employers. The initial onset brings a storm of emotional conflicts that, again, can be “instantly” depressing just trying to figure out where the hell all of this came from. It’s not always “immediately catastrophic” because, sometimes, it starts with… a feeling and one that a lot of people can easily dismiss until it dawns on them that shoving it away didn’t make it go away and leave them the hell alone. Can it be “immediately catastrophic?” You bet your bippy it can be but that usually happens in certain situations that do, in fact, happen but not what I’d call rare and, classically, someone winds up having sex in the same-sex mode and just got caught up in that moment and now it’s a major clusterfuck trying to figure out what the fuck happened and, classically, “What the fuck did I just do?” And those moments can’t always be blamed on the alcohol but, yeah, that’s also fairly classic.

Yes… bisexuality can fuck with your head and in ways you can’t being to imagine and a lot of that is, I think, because of the way we tend to think about things; you can know about bisexuality and even have some kind of opinion about it as a general topic of thought or discussion but that’s something that happens to other people and there’s no way something like that could ever happen to you because (insert that list of all the things that you think would make this impossible here). It’s like those videos you can see where people are getting jacked up: It’s always funny when it happens to someone else… but if it happened to you, it’s not a laughing matter and it sure as shit ain’t funny.

Making the initial clusterfuck worse is something I’ve seen and have come to understand myself: One of the worst things about being bisexual is not having someone you can talk to about it or not knowing who you can talk to. Again, those horror stories are very real and it’s easy to assume that the classic “very bad reaction” is going to happen because it usually does and, let’s say, in the majority of times. There’s not much else that’s more depressing than to find out that the person you thought and believed you could talk to about anything and that you trusted just lost their shit when you told them that you, at the very least, think you’re bisexual.

It’s a very understate bitch to find out that (1) they didn’t know you as well as they thought they did and (2) you most definitely didn’t know them as well as you thought.

Some folks do well to manage this within themselves and do not suffer from any sexuality-caused depression but, yeah, some folks do; from trying to figure out why they’re thinking and feeling this way to what if someone finds out; to what, if anything, are they gonna do about it and including all the conflicting information coming out of the Sexuality War. One side insists that there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual and the other side is raising all kinds of unholy hell and insisting that it’s not only fucked up but, again, it ain’t even real. True enough, some folks know exactly why they’re thinking and feeling the way they are but, again, that never means that the rest of this isn’t going to be enough to cause depression and either a little or a whole lot.

Does it ever make you feel depressed?

My answer to this is no – it doesn’t and I can’t honestly say if it ever did but that might be due to the fact that I got in “on the ground floor” and, as such, I’ve had a lot of time to process stuff and learned how to do it objectively. The older I got, the less I cared about what other people might think and since, for me, the Sexuality War has been going on all the while, I know the bullshit being flung around is… bullshit and inaccurate bullshit at that. I’ve been depressed… but not over my sexuality. I’ve got enough shit going on with me right now that, if I allowed it to, would depress the shit out of me and shit that makes being bisexual a non-issue by comparison. I was able to get a good grip on my sexuality…

And it’s a given that a lot of people either aren’t there yet or are struggling with trying to get that grip… and it’s never easy. The problem isn’t that this can be so terribly depressing: It’s that people either don’t recognize the signs or, if they do, eh, they feel that they can handle it on their own or that they have to since, again, the horror stories connected with telling others about this are real. The various medications for depression can, all by themselves, cause some issues and, these days, I’m thinking that if you have to take a medication to deal with the antidepressant medications you’re already taking, hmm, something’s not quite right with that. I know that when I took such a medication because some herniated discs in my neck were giving me major fits and tossed some depression in for good measure, I did not like the way it made me feel! I felt… stuck in neutral; it affected my libido as well – I could think of the most erotic thing I can imagine and my reaction was like, “Oh, okay…” and just overall felt zombie-like. I didn’t feel “better” – I just wasn’t feeling much of anything one way or another and I found that to be more disturbing than being depressed over being in so much pain and agony. After the surgery, no more depression and I happily got permission to stop taking the drug.

In this, removing the source of the depression was possible… but with bisexuality? Yeah, not so easily removed or eliminated. Many people suppress it which often requires a lot of mental effort because even I know how it loves to whisper in the background when you have other things to do or to be concerned over. People ask, “Does it ever go away?” and the answer is no – it sure doesn’t and, no, I really don’t know why. Many just don’t think about it but parts of this has nothing to do with conscious thought and while we love it when we’re in total control of our thoughts and actions, yeah, no – that’s not what’s really going on inside our heads and it’s not something that always “yells and screams” to get your attention; like I said, it likes to whisper and point out to you that that guy/girl over there? They look hot and sexy, don’t they? Hmm, I wonder what it would be like with them? Such whispers tend to zip through one’s consciousness so fast that a lot of people are sometimes unaware of them or, sometimes, they catch the thought and, again, might feel some kind of way that they even had it and after, let’s say, kidding themselves into believing that they’re not gonna let any such thoughts enter their mind.

When they find that making that happen ain’t gonna happen, yep – it can be pretty depressing… but not as badly as it can be when someone comes out or even hints that they might be bisexual… and they get their head handed to them for – get this – telling the truth about themselves… and then not being able to easily escape the derision and ridicule for being a pervert of some kind. It’s not easy to not let such reactions fuck with you and, yeah, I know that from experience but it begs the question of which thing is the thing you’d rather not live with: Having others not being happy with you because you’re not straight… or letting their displeasure throw you into a deep pit of depression that you may or may not be able to climb out of, on your own or with the best help you can get?

Even making that decision can be depressing because you know that once you make it, a lot of people are going to wind up being alienated – and it’s why a lot of bisexuals find that some – or a lot – of their depression is over having that “I’m all alone” feeling even when it’s merely perceived that everyone around you is going to reject you out of hand for not being straight – but ya don’t know that for a fact because ya haven’t even mentioned any of this to them. The truth is that you’re not all alone in this – we bisexuals are legion and in numbers that it’s almost impossible to count and, yes, a lot of us are suffering from degrees of depression as well and whether it’s related to our sexuality or not.

It’s never about being depressed – it happens; it is, however, all about what you’re gonna do about it and what you should do about it and the best way is to do whatever you gotta do to get professional help. Many join groups they can engage with because, again, the worst thing about being bisexual is not having anyone you can talk to about it and, yup, without being read the riot act, to boot. This can help but when it’s not enough, that’s the time to put on your big person underwear and tell a doctor that you’re depressed and ask what can be done about it. This can make one feel some kind of way and that’s understandable… but living with untreated depression can be a whole lot worse and I’m thinking you do not want to know how bad it can really get but you can take my word for it when I say that it can get really bad and as I found out after having a stroke.

Like so many things, this is only going to be a problem if you allow it to be one and you have a responsibility to yourself to not let depression fuck with you any more than it might already be doing. The problem in this is doing nothing about it. It is a part of the human condition – period. There are those who’d have you believe that if you even think about not being straight, you’re going to be irreparably and severely clinically depressed… and that’s just not the whole truth of things because there are a lot of bisexuals who, like myself, aren’t in the least bit depressed over being bisexual.

Whether you’re bisexual or not, if you’re feeling depressed, get help ASAP. If insurance is an issue, find out where services are being offered for free or at little cost and if you can find someone you can have a real grown-up conversation about this, so much the better – not everyone is going to hand your head to you over being bisexual. Dealing with this isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing; how I deal with it may or may not work for anyone else – you gotta get in there and find out what it’s going to take to deal with depression and whether it’s sexuality-related or not. And do not let anyone try to “bully” you out of getting the help you need or tell you that you’re crazy or otherwise out of your mind: If they’re not going to be part of the solution, they can’t and shouldn’t be allowed to be part of the problem.

An in a time where self-care is being touted as being very damned important, this is something that cannot and should not be left out of caring for yourself because if you don’t, who’s supposed to?

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Posted by on 3 July 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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