So, after yesterday’s rather dark thoughts, it’s like, whew. Such things should be talked about if we want society to understand male bisexuals and, methinks, shift their focus from what to why.
Short of true sexual assaults, yeah, one of the things you learn about guys is that we will say and do anything in order to have sex and, yes, not just to women. We learn to play games with each other that can easily turn into sexual moments from “Show Me Yours” to playing “House” or “Doctor” – well, um, yeah, that’s the kind of stuff we did back in the 1960s but variations of these seem to continue to exist and that makes sense to me since, as someone was kind enough to point out to me, every generation treats bisexuality like it’s something new and different and I’m old enough to be able to tell you that there’s nothing new about it.
I return to people saying, “I don’t know why dude gotta do that shit!” and making the erroneous assumption that if a dude is into having sex with dudes, he has to be gay and then into every sexual act that’s been forever associated with homosexual males. In a way, I understand why there are still people who hear “bisexual” and think “homosexual” but then can be, let’s say, a bit confused when they get told, “I love women; always have, always will.”
Ah, but as I’ve written a few times, I know a couple of gay men who love women, too, so in this, we see how the venerable and vaunted Kinsey Scale, well, validates itself because, in truth, human sexuality is very damned fluid and dynamic… but the “court of public opinion” isn’t all that aware of this and I’ve heard gay men say that once you’re gay, you will always be gay and, well, they’re only partially right about that.
And just like people are wrong to assume that only gay men are keen to have sex and/or be in a relationship with other men and, yup, bisexual men can be just as keen, too, and now the question tends to be… why and more so when there are moral rules that prohibit this behavior?
Because despite what’s said about us, men have feelings; we’re just not supposed to express them. We get taught a specific thing about attraction and we’ve all bought into it and live by it… right up to the moment when one finds themselves disabused of this very social norm and being disabused can happen at any time in one’s life. After finding out that I could fall in love with a guy, I had to go back and reexamine some stuff and was shocked to see that there were guys that I could have really been in love with or, at the very, very infatuated with them and, yup, quite sexual with them, too. This event in my life shook me to the core and more so when I realized that, yeah, there were some guys who I really liked and, gasp, not all that different from all the girls I really liked but I was supposed to be able to fall in love with them and, hopefully, them with me and… happily ever after and all that.
And it’s not as if this didn’t happen because it did but, uh, yeah, being sexually intimate with a guy is… pretty damned exciting. I would say that in the teen years, bi guys worked on this premise: Women are for love, sex, and relationships and guys are for… sex only; only gay dudes were into looking for love, sex, and relationships and since we weren’t gay – and sure as hell didn’t want to be, it was believed by many – including myself – that having ‘real feelings’ for a guy was impossible and couldn’t happen. My review of those early years of my life showed that… I was wrong about that and the only thing I could possibly say in my defense is that at the time, I didn’t know that I really had a lot of great affection for some guys; we were just really good friends and even if we never had sex… but we may have wanted to or perhaps not.
Like a lot of things in life, it depended on some stuff. So… I got hooked on dick. I had male friends who were hooked as well and some who either wanted to be just as hooked on it or they didn’t want to be… and got hooked on it, too. There were the guys who we’d do it with because… they were there so it was convenient. Then there were the guys we all liked doing it with and we’d drop whatever we were doing to do it with them; then there were the guys we wanted to do it with, but you had to be willing and able to ask them The Question and then hope they don’t say no to it or the Follow-up Question.
Some guys took to it like the proverbial ducks to water and some guys had to learn or decide that it was something they liked and, yeah, even if they were “conned” into doing it because this really wasn’t – or isn’t – as polite or ‘nice and neat’ as some may think and especially when puberty shows up and hyper-loads us with hormones that are just waiting to make their presence felt and known and… sex. The development of kid logic that strongly suggested that if a girl didn’t want to have sex, then having sex with a guy… just made sense and despite the taboo of it.
The first time I really kissed a girl, I almost passed out; was literally weak in the knees when I felt her tongue slip between my lips to give me the much talked about French kiss. And, um, yeah, the first time I was kissed by a boy and he slipped me some tongue? I almost passed out then, too, and I very much remember thinking that boys aren’t supposed to kiss each other but that’s a lie because I’m being kissed by a boy and I’m obviously excited by it because after the kiss broke – and we’re both trying to stay upright, he says, “You dick is hard… and so is mine!”
Well, we had to do something about that because we also find out about the very and much-dreaded “blue balls” once puberty gets locked in; the logic – and if you can really call it that – says that if your balls are hurting, then, if you have sex, they stop hurting and if you can’t have sex with a girl, having sex with a boy produces the same result. Yeah… myself and many of my male friends were all about chasing girls, catching them, getting their panties off and shooting our stuff in them but if we couldn’t do that, we could do that with each other and… with less hassles and as compared to what we had to go through trying to get those panties off of girls – and not counting the members of the Hot in the Ass gang but there were days when they were… unavailable and usually because other guys got to them first.
Not a problem. Let’s “sneak off” somewhere and do it with each other. Bored out of our minds? Ditto. I either like you or, gulp, really like you? We can do it if you want to… and I hope that you want to. And feeling some kind of way if/when the other guy didn’t want to but also learning that if you always give a woman a chance to change her mind, you also gave a guy the same chance. But the question remained: If there are girls who would be more than happy to have sex with you, why have sex with another boy?
Because… that’s just how things can be; it’s… what we can do and, as I would eventually learn, it’s what we’ve been doing all along because it’s in our nature to. Social norms and contracts and in concert with morality would prefer that we didn’t do this with each other; you’re a guy and 100% of your focus is to be on girls and… that’s not how it really works. Again, we were all given the goals and mandate to be all about love, sex, and relationships and above all else and… that’s not how it really works, either, because even with girls, there were girls who I’d kill someone to be her boyfriend and girls I… just wanted to have sex with. I’d like to say that I wasn’t of a mind to have a boyfriend – and in the same vein as having a girlfriend meant – but, sure, if me and some other guy liked each other enough to want to have sex, well, that worked, too, but also becoming aware that you really didn’t have to really like a guy to have sex with him and, besides, no one has sex with someone who they well and truly hate or despise.
Stranger things are known to happen, though, but that was the unwritten rule we all complied with. I don’t like you, we ain’t having sex and… that’s that. You can beg and plead and, yes, threaten and I’d rather get into a fight with you but, I would learn, I and the rest of us guys were being exposed to this by the many girls who wouldn’t have sex with us… because they had reason not to like us, either specifically or even generally because girls get told some stuff about boys and sex that was designed to make them not have sex. And, as such, many of us, now being left to our own devices and our hormones doing all kinds of “weird shit” to us, took the… path of least resistance: Having sex with a guy.
I remember being shocked and stunned to learn that way back in the past, boys were allowed to have sex with each other because it was considered to be lessons that we needed to learn when we became old enough to take a wife. And that such a practice continued in some societies and despite the spread of religion and in some flavor or another. You didn’t have to do it with a boy if you didn’t want to and, shit, hopefully, no one makes you do it but, yeah, sure, you could and maybe you’re very curious about it or get horny enough to and… as long as no one else found out about it and finding out early on that if someone did, here’s your “faggot label,” you sissy.
Being taught to hate, out of hand, homosexual guys. Homosexual is not only bad but seriously bad. Like you’re gonna die and go to hell bad. But, um, er, “Tommy” sucked my dick and made me shoot in his mouth and it felt just as wonderful as that time “Dorothy” did the exact same thing and… something’s not right here and I was one of those kids who became very aware of this lack of rightness right from the start. And now, I have questions. A lot of them. Probably too many for “my own good” and that I had no business even knowing to ask them. And, yeah, learning for myself and from others the good and bad things a guy will do just to have sex with you. So, say yes to the nice guys and say no to the bad guys and even if you wind up getting your ass kicked for saying no to them.
And, yeah, being… seduced. The parents of my generation were adamant that we were too young to know anything about sex and… man, were they wrong about that but, my, my, isn’t it interesting that they knew we’d figure it out? And in a way we’re not supposed to have sex? I thought so. Like I’ve said before, there were a lot of times when me and some guy should have gotten busted (and our hinies beaten) having sex with each other and… we didn’t. Hearing, “You boys better not be doing something you shouldn’t be doing!” and me being me, getting to wondering why they said this and specifically so and… oh, shit – they said it like that because they knew it was what we were doing! Kid logic got revised to say… as long as you don’t actually get caught doing it, it was “okay.” It really wasn’t, of course, but… kid logic.
Like that one time I was having sex with my white friend and his dad walked in right after we were done and… I almost passed out. Got the shock of my life having his dad tell me that he understands that boys will be boys and… no asses were beaten even though “technically,” we didn’t get caught in the act but… his dad knew what we were doing. Oh, and yeah, no – we weren’t being as slick and sneaky about it as we thought we were. Like the time a friend and I were having a grand time having sex with each other but immediately stopped because we heard his dad approaching and, later, I would think that he made a lot of noise to give us a chance to stop whatever we were doing – and how about that one?
His dad bursts into the room and gets on our case about making noise when we should be asleep and I did noticed that he… sniffed and more than once and, my friends, that’s the day and moment that I learned that sex has a smell to it and, uh-oh, the two of us reeked of it but, as I would later learn, our noses edited it out for the most part. I “intuitively” knew that we were about to get our asses badly beaten but that’s not what happened; his dad just told us to stop fucking around and take our asses to sleep and… I knew that he knew even when I didn’t know how he knew. If you think that we “stopped fucking around and took our asses to sleep,” well, you’d be wrong about that; we didn’t go to sleep until after we wore each other out.
Why? Because it was scary and fun and on top of… it felt good.
Sighing time. What I would learn was that boys had sex with boys… because it’s sex. It may or may not be about the inclusion of love and relationships and I opined that a friendship is… a kind of relationship but not like having a boyfriend or girlfriend and “going together” and all that nice and right stuff that we’re tasked to do. And… learning why girls didn’t like us a whole lot because we would do or say anything to get them to have sex with us. And if one of us abused a girl’s trust in this way, all of us are guilty of doing the same thing… and that exact same thing could happen between us guys, too.
A friend is telling me that he did it with one of his friends and a friend who, now, he’s mad with because he told the guy that he could screw him but don’t stick it in too far and… that’s exactly what his friend did. Another friend is telling me that he agreed to suck an older guy’s dick – a teenager – because the guy said that he wasn’t going to shoot in his mouth and… that’s exactly what the guy did and then claimed that it was an accident and he didn’t mean to which, of course, was a lie and a half because it wasn’t accidental, and he meant to. And, yes, I’d had that one pulled on me, too, but the difference for me was… I wanted him to shoot it in my mouth and I would get totally pissed off if he didn’t, accidentally or otherwise.
I would come to learn and understand that in order to understand someone who is bisexual or even homosexual, you have to be able to take off the rose-colored glasses and look at human sexuality for what it really is and how it can be and then see how morality and social norms… would prefer we not look at it this way. Understanding the double standard that says it’s okay for a woman to want to have sex with another woman – but as long as she’s not a lesbian – but it’s not okay for guys to have sex with other guys. Why? Because for one, guys can be total assholes when their dick gets hard and every fucked-up thing you’ve ever heard about how we treat women and, for another, girls find out about sex with each other in similar ways that boys do. Being dared to; being curious about it; being seduced and, yeah, they just really like each other so having sex with each other is no big deal and it’s fun, too. And, yes, some girls found out “the hard way” about having sex with another girl.
And, as such girls would tell me, if they did it with another girl, they couldn’t get in trouble, which was code for getting pregnant. Or like my older sister told me, “Do you really believe that when we have sleepovers, all we do is talk about y’all, clothes and doing each other’s hair?” And, yeah, I did believe that and felt pretty stupid because I damned well knew what us guys could get into having sleepovers.
And me being so OCD about learning all there was to learn revealing the hows and why bisexuality… fucks up everything we think we know or, really, it fucks up everything we’ve been told. There’s straight and there’s gay and then, there’s… us. Bisexuals. And learning that things aren’t really as static as it’s rumored to be and it’s seriously not a black or white thing. But we know what; we make a lot of assumptions about why and, yeah, if you go both ways, you’re either in denial of being gay or well on your way to being gay and, well, yeah, I’ve known that to happen to some folks but it’s more the “exception” than the rule our very prudish society prefers it to be.
I got introduced to sex with guys and, hell, yeah, I loved the shit out of it; I ran with it and I’m still running my ass off. Yes, indeed, I’ve had either my fair share or more than my fair share of sex with women and, really, exactly what I was told I was supposed to do in these things but… getting some dick is good, too, but it can be “bad,” too – but so can having sex with a woman. Sex, as it turns out, is some pretty risky business and, yeah, there’s a reason why the adults of my time proclaimed that sex was dirty and nasty… because it is and, more often than not, deliciously and satisfyingly so. And, sadly, sometimes not at all.
And the many people I’ve explained my bisexuality to and right along with everything I’ve learned to date, and they’ve said, “Yeah, but…” and here comes whatever they’re going to say and, usually, what they don’t believe in or wouldn’t do. Learning that if you say this, you’re telling me that you do and did understand what I said… but. Not everyone understands this, and I know why they don’t and there are those who understand and… there’s no “but” being expressed.
What makes a guy want to have sex with a guy? There are a lot of reasons why and, yeah, because it’s really just sex is a valid reason – we just don’t want to believe that it really is and assuming homosexuality when that’s not what’s really going on or assuming abuse when that’s not why a guy got turned onto – and turned out – over getting some dick… and right along with not giving up anything that has to do with women because us bi guys know for a fact that… pussy is not only good but it’s damned good and worth all of the hassles we have to go through to get it.
The shock and awe society tends to express over women who… love having sex and they may or may not be all that interesting in the love and relationship aspects that they, too, are supposed to be all and only about… and if they’re getting some pussy, too, well, mind your business. Don’t knock it until you try it and, yeah, try it – you just might like it. And the many people who tried it, didn’t like it but now they do; or the many people who say that they’d never do some shit like that because (a) they don’t believe in that shit and (b) there’s no reason to get into some shit like that and then, one day, um, guess what happened?
The… hubris that says and, perhaps, implies that a person can’t change their minds about such things when, um, they can and a lot of people do and if you want to know why – and you really want to know – ask them and, if you’re lucky, they just might tell you if you can be trusted and you don’t ever betray that trust. Bisexuality is just as much a part of life as everything else is; learning that homosexuals, when they said that they were born this way and had no choice in this, were… partially right. We’re all born to have the potential to be, well, whatever sexual orientation is going to work for us… but here comes the social conditioning that specifically mandates how we’re supposed to be… or else.
Homosexuality spat in the face of this and bisexuality… pardon me, but bisexuality shits all over everything because bisexuals aren’t exactly straight but not exactly gay and it’s not all about what… but all about why and every bisexual has a story about that. It has begged the question of whether or not experimenting in same sex things is… just for the young; if you’re an adult and you get it in your mind that checking out the other side might be a good thing – or you’re sure it will be and/or hope it will – is it experimenting… or is it exploring one’s sexual potential?
Why? I like to say, “Why the hell not?” but as you’ve been reading, it’s not really that simple. A guy says to me, “I don’t know what a dude gets out of having his dick sucked by another dude!” and I said, “Well, if you really want to know, I’d be happy to show you but if not, I can tell you for a fact that what you’d get out of it… is being able to bust a nut if nothing else.”
I’m sure he thought that I either didn’t know what I was talking about, or I was just plain crazy; now, did I want to blow him? Oh, hell, yeah, I did… because I was horny. Did he find out why? He most certainly did and, might I say, in spectacular fashion? Yeah, it messed with his head after the fact and we had a somewhat long talk about that but, come on, man – tell the truth: Was it really as bad as you thought it was and was told it was?
Because the truth is… it isn’t all that bad… but as you read yesterday, we can make it bad. As long as one believes this to be bad, for them, it’s always going to be bad… unless and/or until they find out that, um, shit, it’s not all that bad and the many guys I’ve heard say that “It’s better than nothing or jerking off…” and that’s because it really is… provided you don’t mind all that much.
It’s not what that carries the greater import: It’s why and the “simplest” explanation is… it’s sex. Anything else is gravy and dependent upon whether gravy is liked or even required. And the even simpler explanation is… because we’re human. It is not, as it’s being touted these days, about relationships; they cannot and do not ever define one’s sexuality and we have proven time and time and again that we are more than capable, able, and willing to have sex without a relationship and be ye male or female. It’s sex; it’s an intimacy that is unrivaled in our social interaction with each other and we have proven, time and time again, that we can be sexually intimate with someone – anyone – and if we want to or need to.
In things same sex, we’re not supposed to. And… how’s that been working? I’m still the very bisexual guy who continues to have the temerity to tell you some shit about being bisexual that you aren’t supposed to know since some of what we do is… homosexual. Not what but why. Both the biology involved as well as a lot of psychology. “The Matrix” movie references to taking the blue pill and continuing to live the illusion or taking the red pill – or, um, let’s just say having it placed in your mouth – and… find out how things really are.
The insanity I get to see on a daily basis where bisexuals can’t agree on what this is and how it’s supposed to be handled and, yeah, I know why and if you’ve been reading this blog, you know why, too, because I’ve gone out of my way to tell you why – and I did so in this blog, too. You don’t have to understand it, but you dare to read my blog, you can’t ever say that no one tried to explain this to you…
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