It Figures, Right?

Even though I was away for just over a week, I never travel without my electronics, like my cell, my iPod, and my tablet… but I did leave my iPod at home for the first time since I got it.  I didn’t have much of a chance to do a lot of stuff; a few of the places I found myself were without available WiFi but since I knew I brought my tablet with me so I could read, I wasn’t all that worried about not being connected; if I could, fine.

I get back home; my tablet picks up my WiFi signal way before I even get out of the car but I ignored all its dinging and ringing so I could focus on getting stuff settled, finding the damned cat, who appears to be stealthier than expected, and getting to the store to stock up on some stuff.  Once all of that was done, I turned my attention to my computer (and all those emails I’d missed), my iPod – can you believe I went a whole eight days without playing Words With Friends? – and then my tablet.  I did that cute finger-flicking thing at the top of it and watched the notification box slide down – that never seems to get old for me – and, what the fuck… there are messages from the guy-site I belong to… and quite a few of them.

Now, when I was away and connected to WiFi, the guy-site app was quiet… so why did this thing wait until I got home to bombard me?

So, there were a couple of “smiles,” which just says that whoever sent it liked my profile, my picture, or both – no biggie here; I just thank the sender for smiling at me and move on.  There were the usual, “Wazzup” messages – those I just ignore unless one happens to peg my bullshitometer.  One was from a guy who says we ‘chatted’ before and he was just checking up on me and, honestly, I don’t remember if we did or not; if we did, it was a very long time ago; I just told him I was fine and let it go at that.  That was yesterday.

Then today, before I could even get half of my cup of coffee put away, the app comes to life again, this time with a message from a guy who asked, “You want to fist fuck a white fag?”

English: The beak-like — “silent duck” — hand-gesture made in the initial stages of fisting Also known as the Cheddarplecker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just stared at the screen as my mind tried to imagine my hand up another dude’s ass.  Now, admittedly, I’ve fisted a grand total of two women in my life and will also admit that it felt like I had my hand in a vise; I was told they enjoyed it but I know my hand didn’t.  Okay, fine – I can, at the very least, say that I have fisted someone.  But shoving my hand up some guy’s ass?

Now, I don’t have really huge hands… but I don’t have little hands, either and while I have had my dick and even my fingers in quite a few male asses over the years, the thought of trying to shove my hand into someone’s ass like I’m their proctologist just kinda defeated me for a moment.  I mean, I get the whole fisting thing because you just can’t get enough really big things inside your body if being stretched like Silly Putty is what rocks your boat… but I’ve already learned that if being in a woman’s coochie up to my wrist didn’t feel all that good to me, it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to think that being up to my wrist in a guy’s ass isn’t going to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

As a matter of fact, I tried to envision doing it, getting my fingers set in just the right way and then slowly pushing my hand into his ass – and my hand said, “Oh, fuck that – you know how tight an asshole is, right?”  It was a rhetorical question because I do know.  I’ve shoved my dick into a guy’s ass with varying levels of difficulty, from “I know it’ll go in there but it ain’t despite the lube” to “Wow, that was an easy entrance!” with and without lube.  Still, there’s some tightness going on and if I’ve experienced the feeling of almost getting my dick pinched off in some dude’s ass, I can only imagine – and barely – what it would feel like trying to get my hand up there.

I didn’t even bother to respond to this guy’s message.  I’m used to guys on this site asking about sucking and fucking but this fisting thing is a new one; in all the years I’ve been on this site, I’ve never had one guy say anything about this and, really, I can understand why; as I’ve said, it can be ‘bad’ enough having a hard cock in there and some 200 pound dude on the other end hammering away like there’s no tomorrow.

But a fist?  Now, I have read that there are some people who get off on fisting other people but I’ve yet to figure out why.  Sure, the first time I fisted a woman, I was both impressed and reminded that babies come out of there so having a good part of my forearm up there – and tickling her cervix with my fingers – wasn’t really that big of a deal.  I’ve had varying sizes of dick in my ass in my life to date but just sitting here and thinking about someone shoving their hand up my ass – and then making a fist (or trying to)?

English: An example of a fisting glove. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think not.  I got into the mindset with guys where I won’t do anything to him that I wouldn’t want done to me – and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be fisted; there is a point that even I won’t go beyond so if I wouldn’t let some dude do that to me, I sure as hell ain’t gonna do it to him.

Put a finger in my ass; a butt plug; hell, stick your dick in my ass!  Fists are for knocking people out and knocking on doors!  So if I were to say anything to the guy who asked me this question, I now think I’d tell him that if he wanted a grown man’s hand up his ass, go see a doctor – they have special tools that’ll make getting that fist in there a lot easier.  Otherwise, I have better things to do with my hands, thank you so very much.