04 Jan

The title of this blog is a word that I’ve been seeing lately that has me scratching my head.  I can understand straight folks having biphobia or homophobia because not being straight threatens the ‘natural order’ of things; it’s a sin and immoral.  What does a number on me is that biphobia is being displayed by some folks who aren’t straight.

That’s right – sexuality hypocrisy at its best, wouldn’t you agree?  I was reading an article written in the NY Times Fashion section (of all places) – featuring Tom Daley – again – and the article gets into some of the aspects of gay men (in particular) dissing bisexual men and even mentions this angst from the lesbian perspective.

I know I’ve said a few things about this before… but this is just silly.  The Community would have people believe that there’s nothing but blissful unity within the ranks – and the truth is obviously very different.  I don’t know what’s going on with the gay men who think bi guys are faking the funk or otherwise in denial other than their rather myopic viewpoint that if you’re a guy who likes guys, you should always be gay and to say that you’re bisexual is, in their opinion, a blatant and dirty lie.  I understand it’s just more of that “us versus them” mentality that is a blight on our species – if you’re not with us, you’re against us.

I have yet to figure out why people continue to think that bisexuals don’t really exist… and I’m a fairly intelligent person.  I’ve said, in jest and in all seriousness, that I know that I exist, that I’ve ‘proven’ my bisexuality to myself and to others.  Yep, I’m only one of many male bisexuals and if I were the only male bisexual on the planet, I could see where the doubts and disbelief made sense… but I’m not the only one.

The NYT article said something about the gay community needing visibility to promote its cause – and I get that; the more gays who are visible, the stronger their position is where their fight for equal rights are concerned.  It is true that bisexual men – in particular – aren’t all that visible and this, too, is understandable because a lot of us don’t want to be all that visible and then have a bunch of people busting our balls and insisting that we’re gay when we know good and damned well that we’re not.

Just because we like having sex with guys doesn’t make us gay… or am I the only one who understands this?  It’s not a social or moral crime for us to love pussy and the women who are attached to it… or am I the only one who understands this?  I know I’m an older guy and one who had to figure out and deal with my sexuality like it was OJT because there were no ‘resources’ to aid in this back then… but I figured it out and without the resources that are available today… so why can’t those folks in the Community figure this out and put their stupid biphobia to rest once and for all?

It’s a narrow-minded point of view from a segment of our society that says it’s a lot more open-minded than our straight counterparts… yet I know more straight people who understand bisexuality than I do gays that understand it… and it’s all just fucking incredible and, by the way, doesn’t speak well for the gay community at all… or am I the only one who understands this?

This kind of insanity doesn’t help all the budding and newbie bisexuals out there, those folks who are just waiting to take the plunge and do something about those confusing feelings that are welled up inside of them because with biphobia beginning to run rampant, it’s going to make them hesitant and, worse, make them have even more doubts about their sexuality and more so when they’re right on the brink of full discovery of themselves.  Oh, yeah, biphobics, you’re really helping the LGBTQ cause big time with your abject and unwarranted prejudice – way to represent and recognize!

Here’s the thing that pops into my head:  If bisexuals don’t really exist, where’s the proof that they don’t?  I’m still thinking that the biphobics in the Community are just pissed off because we’re not gay like they are and the only thing they can do is insist that we’re not for-real, which sounds like little kids having tantrums and because the other kids don’t want to play the game their way, they take their ball and go home and keep right on being all pissed the fuck off.

Methinks the biphobics need a time out; they also need to be a lot more intelligent than their words are saying because our history has proven time and time again that the “us versus them” mentality never accomplishes anything except discord and chaos and continues to foster a hatred that shouldn’t exist and maybe because they get their jollies doing this, they are proving that they are really not all that different from everyone else, huh – they’re no different from all the homophobes in the world… or am I the only one who understands this?

It’s kinda clear to me that they don’t understand this…


Posted by on 4 January 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , ,

12 responses to “Biphobia

  1. astraltravler

    4 January 2014 at 16:35

    Dear K.D.,
    I feel your frustration. This isn’t the first time you have blogged on this topic.
    Why is it that one’s sexuality has to be “classified” as “Gay” or “Lesbian” I like Surf & Turf so why does it seem acceptable for a Woman, and not for a Man? Maybe One Day perhaps in the year 2525 being Bi-Sexual will be an accepted practice of identifying one’s sexuality. Okay I’m done ranting for now….
    Your Proud Bi-Sexual Friend,


    • kdaddy23

      4 January 2014 at 17:19

      Anastasia, it’s not as much frustration as it is just being baffled by such ignorant behavior – it makes no sense. Now, I understand why labels and classifications exist in this – we have to call it something for identification purposes. And being bisexual is an accepted practice and way of identifying one’s sexuality… except for those folks who think we don’t exist; otherwise, what the hell does the “B” in LGBTQ mean? Bigoted? Biased? Baffled? Bamboozled? Brain dead?

      Tom Daley wouldn’t have come under fire if he just said that he’s gay and dating a man; no, he drew everyone’s ire by saying that he still likes women, which implies that he’s bisexual when, in fact, he never said that he was. Brian Boitano recently came out as gay… and no one in the Community had anything to say about it (that I saw). If Brian had said the same thing as Tom, he would have been bombarded with the same ludicrous idea that he, as a bisexual, didn’t exist, that he’s a sham, and a gay man who is just in denial about being gay.

      Have there been bisexuals who found, upon further experimentation and review, that they’re really gay? Yes! Have there been gay folks who discovered that they’re really bisexual? Yes! What’s the big deal here? There shouldn’t be a big deal about this because as humans, we’re going to go in the sexual direction that we either believe in or that which works the best for our individual needs and it doesn’t matter whether that direction is straight or otherwise… it shouldn’t matter. But those biphobic gays are fanatical in their cause and that’s a mindset that I just cannot abide by and more so when there’s no reason for them to behave like this… unless they’re so naive to believe that being gay is the only sexuality to own… and that’s just too insane because it’s obviously untrue.

      The truth? They can’t handle the truth…


      • astraltravler

        4 January 2014 at 18:18

        I Like The Way You Think… I laughed my ass off Brain Dead….Who was the male figure skater that revealed he was gay many years ago? I believe he had cancer at one time. If my memory serves me correctly he shaves his head now. Small statured. What does the “Q” mean that is a new one for me.


      • kdaddy23

        4 January 2014 at 18:38

        The Q is for Queer


      • astraltravler

        4 January 2014 at 18:46



  2. rougedmount

    4 January 2014 at 21:01

    Gay and Lesbian people who are militant about the non validity of Bisexual people are as wrong as Heterosexual people who do the same thing. Sexuality is on a sliding scale, with people at every place along the spectrum, either on one side of center or the other and mostly somewhere in between either end. who you love is unimportant; it’s how you love that matters.


    • kdaddy23

      4 January 2014 at 21:11

      You’re right, of course, but you’ve echoed a sentiment: It’s one thing for straight people to behave in this manner… but for people who aren’t straight to behave like this? It’s not just wrong – it’s inherently insane.

      As a movement, the Community isn’t making any friends if some parts of it are going to be bashing the crap out of others who are considered part of that Community. You’re gonna lose credibility for the cause with those who could contribute to the cause as far as sexuality recognition goes.

      My late grandmothers would call this cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face…


  3. larryarcher

    5 January 2014 at 00:07

    Some people have too much time on their hands. As Woody Allen said “Being bi doubles your chance for a date on Friday night.” Why can’t we all just get along?


    • kdaddy23

      5 January 2014 at 00:09

      Because getting along would be too easy and too much like right!


  4. talacarson

    6 January 2014 at 14:56

    I don’t think being bisexual doubles your chance for love. Like any other person a bisexual needs warmth and true feelings, he or she dreams about meeting that someone. And it may be even more difficult for a bisexual to start a serious relationship with the object of his/her affection because there are lots of people who are imbued with prejudices. Also worth noting is that a bisexual is someone who loves a person, not a gender. I’m a bisexual and I can safely say bisexuality does exist. And I’m not taking it as a better chance to find love and things, I’m taking it as being who I am.


    • kdaddy23

      6 January 2014 at 16:17

      Welcome, Tara, and thank you for commenting! Ah… that Woody Allen comment. I was around when he first uttered it and I thought it was a dumb thing to say then – and it still is. Yes, it can be difficult to start a serious relationship… but it’s not impossible. Once again, thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts!


      • talacarson

        6 January 2014 at 16:30

        Thank you so much for being sincere and caring! That’s what I love about people. Wish you well!



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