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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Rejection

21 Aug

Another one of those things that to say doesn’t feel good is the understatement to end all understatements. It doesn’t feel good even when you’re pretty sure that you’re gonna be rejected. A lot of bisexuals tend to fall into a… trap of sorts, that being, if I’m bisexual and this other person is bisexual, well, anything jumping off is a given or a no-brainer… until you find out that you’re not their type or some other thing that, in their mind, makes you an unwanted item or just uninteresting to them.

You’d think that guys, in particular, would be used to being rejected if/when dealing with women – it still sucks, by the way, but once you start getting kicked to the curb, well, you kinda get used to it and, indeed, before you even say, “Hi!” to her, you just know she’s gonna reject you out of hand.

But when bi guys get rejected by other guys, it’s like they don’t understand why they should be rejected since, “duh,” I like dick and you like dick so that should work, right? Then it doesn’t and now the rejected guy is feeling some kind of way and, again, can’t seem to figure out why he should be rejected in the first place.

One guy told me how he felt being rejected by another guy who he knew, without any doubt, was into the dick thing and how he felt as if he’d lost everything. I said two things to him: One, being rejected is part of the deal and, two, you can’t lose something that you never had.

This rejection happened in the pre-Internet, pre-app age and at a time when in any of this, being face-to-face with someone was the only way you were going to find out anything one way or the other and it was pretty much a gigantic crap-shoot; you either guessed correctly or you didn’t and if you didn’t, that’s not so much of a rejection but, yeah, it could be seen as such.

Today? Sites and apps are a platform for people to speak to their preferences and invoke “I want what I want and the exact way I want it!” and making it very clear that if you’re not what they want, don’t even bother to contact them. On the one hand, this is good information to know before the fact – saves some embarrassing moments and finding out that you’ve been summarily dismissed and rejected before you can say, “Wazzup?” to someone else isn’t all that painful or stressful.

You see their… demands and if you know you don’t or can’t meet them, you shrug and move on to the next profile. On the other hand, however, it’s… frustrating to go through profiles looking for someone who can meet your needs and see that there are so many men who are so damned picky that it even makes me say, “Getting with a woman is easier, relatively speaking…”

Having a guy you’re interested in is one thing; hitting him with the “indecent proposal” is one thing and if he says no, well, damn – that sucks that he officially rejected your advances, doesn’t it? A lot of guys are, indeed, used to being rejected and take being rejected in this in stride and even goes as far to say, “It’s their loss…” and go on about their business. Others tend to take it very personally even though a lot of people are of a mind that if they reject you, you shouldn’t take it personally – it’s their choice and decision and you should respect that above all else.

I’m not sure how someone doesn’t take this personally since you’re being told that you’re not what they want or need, not only at that moment but in any other moment. Unwanted. Pretty much not good enough for them to even warrant further investigation. Not their type or, hmm, if you happen to pass that test, there are other things in their mind that disqualifies you and is reason to reject you.

And just to remind you, women face rejection in this as well and is a reminder that rejection is one of those equal no-opportunity things that transcends things like sexuality.

So… how do you deal with being rejected? Yet another non-answer: The best way you know how. Developing a better understanding that you just aren’t going to meet “everyone’s” specifications and criteria just because you have something in common with them, like being bisexual… or even straight or gay, for that matter. It happens and now it’s all about how you’re gonna deal with having your hopes and expectations dashed upon the rocks and shattered, leaving you to pick up the pieces, break out the super glue, and try to put things back together.

Many become despondent and disillusioned and that’s understandable and the only way I can think to get around this is to change the way you think and even zero out any expectations you may have. Someone asked me if I ever get bummed out being rejected and I honestly tell them that I don’t – well, not anymore – because I go into a situation not expecting anything to begin with. Would I love for them to say yes? Of course I would… but I am all too aware that they may not since, duh – what I’d like for them to do and what they can or might do are seriously two very different things.

Does it suck to hear someone reject you because your dick ain’t big enough? Too big? The wrong shape and even color? Too young or too old? Of course it does… and if you let these items of rejection fuck with you, you’re gonna be a miserable critter. In any of this, it’s always about choice and if someone chooses not to get naked and intimate with you, it just is what it is; now it’s a question of whether or not you’re gonna just give up or not.

In yesterday’s scribble, I stated that it’s not always what you know that can fuck shit up – it’s what you don’t know that does the most damage, like how they say that it’s not the punch you see coming that knocks you out – it’s the one you don’t see or, worse, you see it coming and can’t do a damned thing to avoid it.

Being rejected takes this and twists it in that, given the apps and all that, what you know does, in fact, fuck shit up and well before a dialog can be established; why waste your time trying to convince someone that going to bed with you would be a great idea when they’ve already made it clear, by listing their preferences and demands, that you just don’t make the grade… and you’re never going to?

Stuff that winds up being deal-breakers is one thing; this is just a matter of negotiations breaking down when you get into the details… but some do look at this as a form of rejection when, perhaps, they shouldn’t. Not being able to agree on something is one thing… and it’s still something else to know, before you even – again – say, “Wassup?” that what they’ve written in their profile – and if they even bothered to write anything at all – clearly indicates that you’ve been rejected and, ouch, the reasons why are right there for you to see.

There’s this… mindset among men that I tend to find incredulous: If you’re on a “dating” site for men who like men, then you’re there to have sex, no questions asked, not taking no for an answer and if you do reject those who think this way – and more men than you might imagine do think this way – well, your manhood and very existence can and will be called into question or, yeah – you’re just some fake-assed, punk-ass bitch who isn’t a real man.

These days – and with a lot of people being in that “my way or no way” frame of mind – being rejected out of hand is pretty much a given. Ask a guy or a gal, “Well, how do you know it’s not gonna work if we don’t give it a try?” and the answer will most likely be one of two things: “I know it ain’t gonna work” and/or “I don’t have to if I don’t want to.”

The rejection gets to be more… painful and troublesome because if you don’t meet their very exacting criteria, nothing you’re gonna do or say is going to change their minds. They want what they want and in the exact and precise way they want it… and you’re not that person and nothing you can say is going to change their minds. The only thing I think that’s worse than being rejected is not knowing why you were… and is one of those things that falls into the “if you don’t really want to know, don’t ask” category because you can probably bet anything you care to that you’re not gonna like what the other person has to say about why, in their minds, you ain’t worth going to bed with.

Not all rejections are based on some kind of prejudice, bias, or one of the many forms of discrimination that can be seen in these things. Sometimes, the person rejecting you really does have a good and valid reason to tell you no. It’s not that they wouldn’t like to but other factors in their lives makes saying, “Let’s do this!” not all that easy for them so, in a way, being rejected for reason – and reason that isn’t based upon the above-mentioned prejudice, bias, and discrimination – is easier to deal with than being told that you’ve been rejected because of your cock size (or lack thereof) or the color of your skin or your age, your body type and, yeah, what you do for a living.

Cityman often tells me that this shit doesn’t make any sense to him, that if two guys are into having sex with other guys, well, isn’t that just cause enough to get the dicks out? You’d think so and as I’ve said many, many times, it used to be enough to, at the very least, take it for a test drive. Yet, I’ve pointed out his own biases and that he, too, tends to reject other men out of hand based upon his preferences and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like it when I do that because I’m calling him out for behaving like a lot of guys do.

These days, this is pretty much normal and while it would probably be… better if guys who are into dick were able to set aside these things so that dicks can be made nice and hard and then nice and soft again, nah – it just doesn’t work that way as a matter of course any more.

It’s no longer the “no-brainer” that it used to be and more so when it’s easier to reject someone out of hand and by default than it is to listen to a proposal and negotiate some stuff. It winds up creating a very vicious cycle of behavior in that because you get rejected, you start rejecting people, too, and, more often than not, because you’ve been rejected time and time again. It’s easy to think that if you can be rejected out of hand – and those who reject you have the right to reject you, then you also have the right to do some rejecting of your own… and just because you can… and even if you consistently wind up defeating your whole purpose in trying to find a dick you can play with.

I see this high-level rejection taking place… and it make me say – and confirms to me – that we – and I mean both men and women – make this harder than it has to be. We have expectations, plans, ideas, and even carefully crafted scenarios and we have preferences which, on the one hand, isn’t necessarily a bad thing but what is bad is that we have preferences that we’ve locked in neutronium – that would be the most densest material known to man – and they cannot and will not be change for any reason. We now hold firmly and true to our right not to do a thing and for any reason we don’t want to… and there is no recourse, not up for discussion, get the fuck out of my face before I do or say something that will make you regret bothering me.

Rejection is a bitch… and being rejected “just because” is even more of a bitch. It doesn’t matter if you like the same thing or things as the other person; if you’re not up to one’s specifications, you are summarily rejected. Dismissed. Unwanted. Undesirable. Literally and figurative just do not and will not measure up to their standards. Not even worth the time to see what, if anything, can be done.

Yet there are an untold number of people who, for the life of them, can’t seem to figure out why they’re not able to get out there and be as bisexual as they want and need to be. It’s even kinda understandable to be rejected because the person who rejected you has some fears they’re not able to deal with… but to be rejected for the littlest of things? Because you don’t shave your junk and keeping it trimmed ain’t good enough? Are you a “girly bottom” kind of guy? Rejected. Dismissed. Still got your foreskin or it got lopped off? Rejected. Dismissed.

And women rejecting other women? I can’t even begin to go there except to say that their reasons for rejecting other women can be more involved… but guys are catching up to them when it comes to kicking someone to the curb. And the worse part is the sure knowledge that everyone has the right to reject anyone and for any reason they want to reject them and, no, you will not ever be given a chance to prove – and in the only way it can really be proved – that you are worth the effort and you’re not gonna regret having sex with them.

Oh, you don’t wanna be a FWB? Rejected. Dismissed on the grounds that non-relationship sex is a bigger no-no than it’s ever been. Not gonna give it up in the way they expect, require, and demand that you give it up and that includes you not being able to drop whatever you’re doing and break some traffic laws to get to them so they can do to you what they want to do… and even if you’re interested in doing it the way they want to.

Not Mr. or Ms. Right? More like Mr. or Ms. Right Now? Rejected. Dismissed. Your services aren’t required and won’t be even if they were needed to save a life… and I’m not joking or kidding about that one. Few people, it seems, are of a mind to take the time to determine compatibility or what can we do together? No attraction? Rejected. No instant chemistry? Rejected.

How the fuck does anyone deal with this? The best way they can and that includes not dealing with it at all. Dealing with it by accepting defeat and even getting it into your head that, shit, maybe I’m not good enough for anyone… so I might as well just give the fuck up. Do I get… upset? No, not any more because if I expect anything, I expect to be rejected not because I don’t think I can’t, don’t, or won’t measure up or am unable to meet their specifications:

It’s because this is the way it is now. And it’s a sorry state of affairs to see how we’ve taken something that can be a lot of fun and have made it so complicated that, indeed, a lot of people set themselves up to make sure that they’re gonna ever have sex like this by having preferences and expectations that no other human being alive could ever hope to come close to…

And yet, the people who do this – and a lot of rejecting – are also sitting back and wondering why they’re not getting the dick/pussy that they craved. And I know why:

It’s because no one thinks about making it easier to get laid… but they do think about how not to get laid. Making it easier? That’s too much like right. And if you wind up crushing the shit out of someone because you just flat out rejected them, well, that’s not your problem… until you’re the one who gets rejected out of hand and not even given a chance to prove their worth.

If there’s an… acceptable rejection, it could be, simply, “I don’t feel like it right now – but that doesn’t mean I won’t feel like it later.” Or, “I’m just too busy at the moment.” Acceptable. Reasonable. But to be rejected because, say, you’re too short? Have a couple of extra pounds? Stuff like that?

That’s a motherfucker to have to deal and contend with. Your desire and willingness means nothing these days; if you’re not precisely and exactly what I want and not of a mind to give it to me the the precise and exact way I want it and when I want it?

Fuck you. Rejected. Dismissed. Unworthy of further consideration or thought. And, no – I don’t think or behave like that because I know – and if no one else does or cares – that this mindset is self-defeating and prone to deprivation. You wanna know why you’re not getting the dick/pussy you need? Chance are that the other person ain’t the reason why you’re still sitting on the bench; they’re not the problem…

You are. Or they are if you’re the one being constantly rejected and, shit, for the pettiest of reasons. And this, by the way, just ain’t a bisexuality issue… but I think you know that.

I’m still the guy who has the fucking nerve to speak on this behavior… and I know that what I’ve said about being rejected can and will be rejected and dismissed out of hand. And I’m okay with that because to be any other way is detrimental to my mental health.

But you can’t say I didn’t tell you…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 21 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

Tags: , , ,

2 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Rejection

  1. naughtynora

    21 August 2020 at 17:45

    Yeah, rejection sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • kdaddy23

      21 August 2020 at 18:19

      And being rejected by some who, in theory, shouldn’t reject you is much, much worse…

      Liked by 2 people

       

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