As a bisexual man, wow – I’ve been waiting for the world to change for a very long time. I love the song by John Mayer, both musically and lyrically. It’s one thing to know that, in this, the world has needed to change and should have changed a very long time ago; it’s another thing to know that, one day, the world is going to change their minds about this not being straight nonsense.
It’s another thing to also know that there are a lot of people who aren’t willing to sit back and wait for the world to change; they want to know about this and they want to know what it’s like… and if, as they are of a mind to think, it’s the right thing for them.
I write that it’s not like we – collectively – don’t have a clue as to how diverse humans can be about having sex, being in love, stuff like that. We do whatever we need to do in any of this and even if it’s in clear defiance of the status quo. We know it. We’ve always known it. And we keep being all bitchy about it because that ain’t the way things are supposed to be.
You’d think that once homosexuals won their hard-fought battle to be recognized and treated like everyone else, that would have been the impetus to get the world onto the path of changing their minds about that which they believe in this… but, no. Well, wait a moment; perhaps it’s better to say that there’s not been a worldwide, wholesale change in mindset but as change is wont to do, it happens slowly and regardless to any resistance in its path.
It’s just that the world ain’t changing fast enough, that change is, again, long overdue. I think it’s not so much a thing about accepting that both bisexuality and bisexuals are real; it’s more of a thing of us stopping all this bullshit over something that cannot be stopped… and any more than it was tried to stop homosexuality. We have such a long history about our dislike for change; for every person who is okay with a change, there will always be someone who is very unhappy about that same change.
There are an untold and innumerable group of people who are fervently waiting for the world to change; they need it to change and the sooner, the better… and I’m wondering if we really and truly need the world to change its collective mind about the reality of bisexuality and bisexuals and more so since so many of us are of a mind that we’re gonna be bisexual whether anyone else likes or approves of it.
And, yes – as I’m writing this, the song is playing in my head and is on repeat. It’s a song with a message and one that, at least to me, says that we need to be better about a lot of stuff and the reality is that we’re just not there yet and it doesn’t look like we’re gonna get there any time soon.
Even within the dynamic of bisexuality, things are changing… and not so much and, as you know, I find it fascinating to see how it’s been changing, from the way I grew up with it to the way it’s being handled today… but how some things, again, hasn’t changed one iota. Not because those who find themselves being bisexual can’t accept the change in their mindset and/or behaviors… it’s just that there are still a whole lot of people who are unable to. The dynamic has taken a turn and one that, when I think about it, well, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not: Applying heterosexual norms to something that, by its very nature, defies those same norms. No casual sex; only sex in a relationship setting or otherwise trying to put the bisexual genie back in the bottle.
I’m not saying that it can’t be this way… I’m just saying it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for bisexuality to be handled only in this way. It is what we know and even bisexuals are having a difficult time changing what they know so that it better fits the way they want to be… or the way they can be.
Call it impatience but a lot of bisexuals, again, aren’t of a mind to sit on their asses and do nothing while waiting for the world to change. Many have learned – and are learning – that, really, one does not need the world’s permission to be who and what they want and/or need to be – and no matter why they’ve effected this change for themselves. Maybe a lot of this has been born out of instant gratification? If this is the satisfaction you need right now, what’s the point and purpose in waiting for the rest of the world to get onboard with this?
Does one really need a permission slip? Is the change of acceptance just some pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking, like, it would be great if the world did change so that no one would feel bad about being bi and not all that likely to get their head handed to them because they are? Sure… that would be nice… but if I were you, I wouldn’t be holding my breath on this one.
Because while we do have a long history and habit of resisting change, we’ve also been of a mind to do what we gotta do and if anyone doesn’t like it, well, tough titty. Bisexuals – and for the longest time and due to the lack of change – have been of a mind that they’re gonna do what they gotta do and by any means necessary. Fly under the radar? Fine – if that’s what has to be done, so be it. Be all out in the open with it? Great if you can manage to do it and keep your head on your shoulders.
The song is still on repeat in my head… because many of us are waiting for the world to change… and maybe we shouldn’t; maybe bisexuals should be agents of change and, just as homosexuals did, force change and keep pushing for it no matter how long it takes…
And, in the meantime, lots of men and women are gonna be getting their freak on in this dual mode of human sexual behavior. The only fear they should have is the fear of not doing what they want to do… and then throw that fear out and do it anyway and if the unchanged world doesn’t like it, well, fuck them.
I’m gonna get mine whether the world changes or not; why wait when, truthfully, you don’t have to? If the “same old shit” ain’t working for you and making you feel whole and complete, why wait for others to say it’s okay for you to change when you can be your own agent of change because one thing is quite true:
Those who fail to change will be left behind.