I was browsing through Twitter yesterday and there was more content about bisexuality than I’d been seeing over the last week or so and no two people were saying the same things about being bisexual… but every last one of them were, I thought, making the biggest mistake when it comes to bisexuality:
Trying to qualify and quantify it to be something other than it really is.
It’s a given that everyone who is bisexual winds up defining it for themselves and figuring out what it means to them and while the process isn’t all that easy to go through, they do a version of, “I like men and women and this is how I like both!” and Bob’s your uncle and they keep it moving.
All that cis-male/female stuff, along with all that drivel about gender being a major consideration and other stuff is, in fact, totally unnecessary because the word “bisexual” should be self-explanatory: You have some kind of “thing” about men and women; it’s either physical (the sex), emotional (including romantic intent), or all of the above. The objects of your bisexual desires could even be transgendered and, I dunno, some folks seem to think that transgenders can’t be bisexual.
Many make the mistake of taking how they go about being bisexual as the defining aspect of being bisexual; it’s not what you do or how you go about doing it but it is what you are that is the deciding factor in what you do and how you go about it. I sat in the comfort of my living room and read what all those people were saying up to and including the patently ridiculous notion that bisexual men don’t really exist. I’m reading this and I understood that a lot of this discourse is pretty much a knee-jerk reaction to the equally ridiculous notion that bisexuality isn’t real and an imposed negative reaction to the newest irrational fear, biphobia.
It had me wondering if any of these worthy folks really understand that when you get to riffing about bisexuality and doing everything you can to qualify and quantify it, the people who are in the “bisexuality ain’t real” camp are sitting back and laughing their asses off because by doing so, you’re kind of proving them right about one of the things being said about bisexuals:
We are some seriously confused people and we can’t even agree on what bisexuality is and what it means without going out of our way to gild the lily and create mountains that would make Mars’ Olympus Mons, the highest mountain in our solar system, look like an ant hill. And I sit back, scratch my head, and wonder just what the hell are these people doing or trying to do by imposing some very complicated shit to something that isn’t really all that complicated:
If you’re bisexual, you like men and women in some way. That’s what it is and that’s what it means. It’s actually pretty normal for a bisexual to want to nail down some details that, at the end of any day, only and really means something to them, like applying some percentage to things like being 80% straight and 20% gay or, one of my all-time favorites. crossing over to the other side of the fence isn’t something one would do all of the time or only with certain people and even then in certain situations and other conditions.
I had the really high-level thought that trying to qualify and quantify bisexuality is, well, kinda/sorta impossible… and let me try to explain this thought. Straight people – and I’ll even say most gay people – are “easy” to qualify and quantify because their places on the spectrum is, indeed, self-explanatory and our tendency to not believe the evidence as presented and in the quantity that all this evidence exists, really doesn’t do a thing about what being straight or gay means… but “bisexual” seems to be throwing even bisexuals for a major loop when they try to make bisexuality a one-size-fits-all thing and in some unnecessarily specific ways…
When, in truth and in fact, we are all uniquely different… but the one thing all bisexuals have in common is that, um, we’re all bisexual. No one really questions what it means to be straight any more than they question what it means to be gay but, again, we not only question what it means to be bisexual – along with what the word means outside of it’s very literal meaning – but we are forever trying to convince anyone who cares to pay attention that it’s not what it really is by adding so many confusing qualifiers that, when you rip them apart and look at the pieces, really doesn’t mean anything and, oh, yeah, doesn’t really change what bisexuality is or it’s literal meaning.
I get that bisexuality is being touted and lauded to include everyone from every walk of life because, like I’ve been saying over all this time, anyone can be bisexual if it suits their purpose in life. You’re either gonna feel this way right out of the gate or, as many tend to do, find out that this is how you’re feeling long after you’ve left the gate and no one is really “immune” to it. It doesn’t matter- and never has never mattered who you are, where you come from, what you think of yourself as far as gender identity or the lack thereof; your religious beliefs or lack thereof has no bearing on this nor and your political affiliations – and lack thereof – means absolutely nothing.
What does matter is that for whatever reason makes sense to you, ah, hmm, you are inclined to go both ways… and that makes you bisexual by definition but, oh, wait, we can’t even agree on what that definition really is, can we? I think this just trips me the fuck out because I’ve been bisexual damned near all of my life and I have never, ever, seen such a cluster fuck over the matter of bisexuality like I’m seeing today… and I’ve seen some shit in my days. I read a couple of things yesterday where the author of the tweet spoke to how depressed they are over being bisexual and mostly because it’s not as accepted as being straight or gay is… and my eyes rolled so hard that they hurt for a moment because I understand – and even if the people saying this don’t – that the source of their depression isn’t because they’re bisexual: They’re letting all of the negative opinions fuck with them and making them depressed.
Many bisexuals make the mistake of giving all of the negativity weight and influence over something that, if nothing else, only means something to them. I even recall reading some tweets a while ago that suggested and inferred that if you’re bisexual and your not paying any attention to biphobia and bisexual erasure, well, you’re part of the problem… and I had said to myself – and then to the person who tweeted it, “Are you fucking kidding me? You mean to tell me that as a bisexual – and a male bisexual at that – that I should give a fuck about anyone who says that I’m not what I say I am and what I’ve proven myself to be?”
Apparently, there are those who think I should be paying attention to this dumb shit… and I’ll be dipped in shit if I really understand why. I get that, socially, bisexuality should be “defended” in that sense and whenever I’ve found myself having to defend what I am, I say that, yeah, I like men and women and if you don’t like that I do, all you can do is not like it…” and keep on about my business. I have learned – and it seems that a lot of today’s bisexuals have yet to learn – that no matter what anyone says or does, nothing will ever change the fact that I am bisexual. Nothing.
I don’t have to qualify or quantify it beyond saying, again, that I like men and women and if you don’t understand that, well, there’s something wrong with you because I can’t say it any simpler or clearer than that. If you want the details, well, um, I hope you have a lot of time on your hands and nothing better to do because providing the details is gonna take a while and many of them are going to be, ah, graphically explicit. If you don’t or can’t understand that I’m a male cock sucker and that’s my very favorite thing to do with men – but I will also get a woman naked and give her da bizness like there’s no tomorrow so (and because pussy is so damned good) – I’m not sure what else I can say or think of that will make you understand what I am.
And if, by chance, you don’t believe me, I do have a way I can prove it to you… but I really don’t care if you believe me or not because even if you don’t, I’ve always known what I am and I’ve always been very okay with it. When I have other bisexuals try to bust my ass about not being all that romantically inclined toward men, most of the time, I laugh at them but sometimes, this particular thing pegs my bullshitometer and gets me saying shit like, “Who are you to tell me how I should be bisexual?”
Just because you don’t “bisexual” in the way that I do doesn’t invalidate my sexuality; we’re just different in this and, oh, yeah, might I be allowed to point out that there was a time in my life when I was very much in love and in a relationship with a guy? Been there, done that, and it was fucking amazing… but before that happened – and after it was over with – being “in love” and in a relationship wasn’t even necessary for the sexual part of bisexual to take place. If you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to validate your version of being bisexual, I’m not gonna be mad at you about it; do you, boo.
But in high-level types of discussions, oh, my. I have never before in my life been privy to such convoluted discourse. I’ve had many discussions and arguments over my “need” to be bisexual and based solely upon the religious bullshit that everyone continues to believe so, yeah, when I’m talking to someone who doesn’t believe that anyone should be bisexual, I expect it and more so when I know they really don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about… but to see other bisexuals losing their shit trying to qualify and quantify bisexuality and in the way it’s being done?
Absolutely gets me stuck on stupid because, I hate to say it, I don’t really understand why so many feel a need to qualify and quantify something that for as long as I have been alive, has been pretty self-explanatory. The only real differences is how one prefers to bisexual and while we can “safely” say that we do a lot of the same things, we just do not go about them in any way that can be qualified or quantified. We are the same… and not really, not because bisexuality is different but because we, as individuals, are different. Bisexuality should mean the exact same thing to each and every one of us… and it doesn’t.
And all of this insane discourse is because there are people in this world who are telling us that we aren’t and can’t be what we know ourselves to be… and I’d like it if you would give this some serious consideration because it sheds a lot of light on the mistake being made and having so many bisexuals losing their minds trying to qualify and quantify any of this. One of the things I read yesterday had my jaw dropping so hard and fast that I actually heard it click: Someone tweeted that just because “bi” means two, it had no bearing on what bisexuality is or means and implying that “bi” still means two is a great insult to bisexuals everywhere…
And, when I got my jaw working again I said to myself, “What the fuck…?” Okay, I know it’s been a while since I learned about biology and genetics but the last I heard, there are only two sexes: Male and female. Yes, yes, I know there are a lot of people who feel that they were born into the wrong body – and I’m not even talking about that because even this does not ever change the fact that when sperm meets egg, the person who shows up nine months later is born either male or female… because the chromosomes say so – that XX/XY thing and, yup, even that can get… interesting. So either male or female at birth. Two sexes. Bisexuality, duh, means two sexes and in the specific context – or it used to be – of, wait for it, having a physical and/or emotional affinity for both sexes.
I don’t know about y’all but I fail to see what so hard to understand about this and I really don’t know or understand why there’s this… dire need to qualify and quantify this beyond that which should be obvious. Gender has gotten attached to this and it makes my balls itch since, last I heard, gender is the act of being male or female. True enough, gender roles were “assigned” eons ago; men do this, women do that; I do understand that there are those who aren’t fans of what these roles have meant over all of this time and I understand that there are a lot of people who feel that the traditionally assigned gender roles just do not apply to them…
And none of that has a damned thing to do with being bisexual… because it’s never been about gender identity but it does have everything to do with having a physical and/or emotional affinity for both sexes… and no matter what you think your sex is and, you betcha, even if you change it and even if you do, taking a DNA test will tell the truth of what your sex is – again, that XX/XY thing. But even folks with gender identity issues can be bisexual… and I just do not know why no one seems to understand this.
But that’s a fib on my part because I do know why they don’t seem to understand this… and it’s because of all the people who are incorrectly saying that bisexuality isn’t real and neither are bisexuals… and now there’s this insane need to “prove” it by going way out of the way trying to qualify and quantify something that, again, never needed it… and continuing to do so is, at least in my opinion, the biggest mistake being made these days. In a way, it “implies” that bisexuals don’t believe that it really is what it is and doesn’t mean what it really means.
If I tell you that I’m bisexual and have been for as long as I have been and if you don’t believe that I am – or believe that I shouldn’t be – well, that’s not my problem and, importantly, you’re not going to make it my problem just because of what you refuse to believe. You wanna know why I am? Simply, I tried dick and found it very much to my liking but it will never replace my liking for those crazy-assed women and their coochies… because that doesn’t make any damned sense to me. What part of “I like both” is so hard for someone to understand? If there is some other shit I can say that would effectively qualify and quantify my bisexuality, well, I guess I’ve failed to figure that out… and I’ve had decades to think about this and probably more than most people might do… and I’ve yet to find a way to definitively qualify and quantify what it means to be bisexual and what bisexuality is…
Beyond what it literally means. What it literally implies and, again, having that physical and/or emotional affinity for both men and women. Not men or women. I like dick; I love sucking them and, truth be told, not even like I love pussy and doing all kinds of stuff to it. Do you really need to know anything other than that and do you need to hear it in terms that, even as intelligent as I know I am, even I don’t pretend to understand it?
Do I have to defend myself because I’m bisexual? Once upon a time, I had to since even today, people don’t seem to know the difference between bisexual and homosexual but at one point in my life, I decided that I didn’t need to defend being bisexual and decreed that if there was someone who didn’t like it, all they could do was not like it… and it cannot ever change the fact that I am bisexual. Does being bisexual depress me? Nope… and it never has and, besides, there’s enough other shit going on with me that’s pretty damned depressing… and I don’t even let that shit fuck with my head… and I’m sure as fuck never, ever, let someone else’s opinion about my sexuality get me feeling badly about myself. Do I fear being sexually assaulted or having my ass kicked because I’m bisexual? Nope because I know, even if someone stupid enough to assault me doesn’t, I will kill to protect myself and not lose one minute of sleep over being forced to do that; you fuck with me at your own peril so, nope, not worried about that at all and don’t let the grey hair fool you.
I do understand why people feel that they need to this and, again, it’s not because they feel some kind of way about being bisexual: It’s because of how so many other people think about it not being real at all… and if you’re bi and giving a fuck what someone else has to say and especially when you should know that they just do not know what the fuck they’re talking about, well, you’re making a mistake by letting any of that mess with you and in any way since I know – and even if you haven’t realized it yet – that nothing anyone is going to say or even do will change the fact that you are bisexual and it only matters to you how and why you are.
You’ve bought into the futile attempt to qualify and quantify bisexuality and that, too, is a mistake that’s still being made; I haven’t looked at Twitter yet but I’m sure I’m going to see more of what I saw yesterday and I will, just as I did yesterday, sit and shake my head in utter disbelief that this.. insanity is going on to begin with because, dear friends and readers, bisexuality ain’t that hard to understand and what it means is forever attached to and embedded in the word itself.
Anything other than that is making mountains out of molehills. It’s overthinking it and not being able to accept that bisexuality is what it has always been and thinking or otherwise believing that it’s something other than what it has always been… and then trying to make others buy into making the exact same mistake.
Trying to qualify and quantify something that by its very nature, defies attempts to do this.