Twitter has been abuzz with stuff about Bisexuality Awareness Week, which ends, interestingly enough, on Bisexuality Day with also happens to be my birthday. Yeah, couldn’t have planned that one if I had wanted to and to be able to celebrate two very important aspects of my life!
One of the things tweeted asks what/who inspired you to come out and another kinda asks how/when did you know that you were bisexual, and people have been responding to these questions and… that’s nice. I thought about how I might answer those questions and my answer to first one regarding being inspired wasn’t so inspirational; I just became totally “Ask me if I give a fuck about what you don’t like about it” because I ran out of patience having to deal with the ignorance of other people. Not so much a thing of coming out, is it?
And really, in the times that I’ve come out to people, it’s never been because I was inspired to; it was either because I had to or just getting to the point of just letting someone know this about me so as to ward off any unnecessary questions that might show up somewhere down the road. Like, I’m trying to get with this girl and not just for sex and telling her ahead of time that I was bisexual would also tell me much about her and especially if she freaked the fuck out. Yeah… you’re not the one for me at all.
How did I know? I didn’t… at first. I didn’t even know there was such a word until, and as I’ve shared numerous times, I happened to come across the word during a trip to the public library to work on a homework assignment. By that time, I was 500% into being bisexual without knowing there was a word that described my behaviors. Oh, well – better late than never. Once I realized the significance of the word, all that talk I would overhear about people who went both ways and batting for the same team and, yet another baseball analogy, hitting from both sides of the plate also came slamming home to roost and…
This is some really cool shit! But, yeah, I didn’t know. What I did know was that having sex with guys and gals was beyond cool. Adult Me would, one day, sit and chuckle while shaking my head to think that I’d gotten a masterclass in having sex in a stupidly short period of time and if I had known then that my curiosity would put me on a path to understand as much about bisexuality as possible, hmm, I probably would have left that part of it alone but, obviously, that’s not what happened.
On the forum and when the membership gets to talking about “how did you know,” there are so many of the guys who had no idea what bisexuality was or, like me, the word “bisexual” even existed. What they knew was they either liked whatever they might have been doing with guys and gals or they didn’t since, you know, having sex with guys is seriously gay and gay is a “bad thing” to be. Some guys spoke to having the thoughts and feelings towards guys but, my goodness – that’s gay thinking! And some guys knew the word existed and what it meant but, for some of them, they weren’t the duck they were quacking like or thinking about doing some quacking.
I often shake my head with a great deal of sadness to see how that damned NY Times article that declared bisexuality and bisexuals to be real has not only shaken up the boat but is putting all kinds of holes in the boat. People were losing their ever-loving minds – what do you mean there are really bisexuals and that it’s real? You can’t be serious! All kinds of stuff started coming out of the woodwork and from too many sources to mention and including so many people who were insisting that they couldn’t or wouldn’t be bisexual because they couldn’t see themselves in a same-sex relationship with someone and, yeah, the coming out/being outed horror stories were being told as well as those who’d been quacking like a duck and vehemently insisting that they’re not that duck because they’re not gay.
Craziness. Unfettered insanity and on a level I’d never seen before but that made sense because being a switch-hitter was one of those things that got passed via word-of-mouth and, yet again, the ongoing mindset that anyone who went both ways had to be out of their minds, in denial of being gay, and just plain old greedy – and whether the allegations of someone’s bisexuality were true or an outright lie and fabrication. And the resulting clusterfuck has been going strong since that article came out. I’ve seen bisexuality being described in ways that, wow, where are these people getting this stuff from? It was… amusing to see so many people having an opinion about something that, for the most part, they didn’t know existed and/or they didn’t believe that bisexuality was real.
Then things got… ugly. From bisexual women being the de factor victims of domestic abuse and bisexual men – those nasty-assed, down-low and cheating motherfuckers – being the sole source of HIV and STDs and once these things found their way into the conversation, I was really stuck on stupid to see all of the stereotypes and misinformation coming out that wasn’t all that different from what I’d grown up hearing said about homosexuals. I would think that the outburst of stuff was actually a benefit because if you grew up with bisexuality before the advent of the Internet and the World-Wide Web, you got a look at the much bigger picture as people the world over joined the conversation about the validity of bisexuality as a sexual orientation.
Oh, and Black male bisexuals are a myth and I laughed my ass off over this one because, for one, it’s not true and for the other, a lot of stuff specifically mentioned this. So many things put out there and I’d read that attempted to get to the source of bisexuality (laughable because most of it was totally incorrect) and saying that bisexuality was more prevalent in inner city/urban areas and then among those who weren’t all that educated, drug/alcohol uses, those who were chronically unemployed and, yes, people of color and… what the fuck? It wasn’t that these things weren’t true but there was little mention of the middle and upper classes being a part of this and, well, I sure as hell knew better than that.
Bisexuality doesn’t care about stuff like this, and no one is really immune or exempt from being bitten by the bisexuality bug but one of the things that had me scratching my head were all the people who were pitching royal bitches about something they said wasn’t real and didn’t exist… and if that doesn’t sound insane to you, I don’t know what to tell you. Seriously, if bisexuality isn’t real, what the fuck are y’all raising hell about? I’d read articles and other postings that I’d sometimes have to read twice because I didn’t understand it the first time and I didn’t understand it because a lot of this stuff was… psychobabble. Uninformed opinions written in a way to sound like they’re proven facts and like the author knew everything there is to know about human sexuality… and as far as I was concerned, they sure as hell didn’t and a lot of it was – and still is – laughable and pretty sad.
The real experts in human sexuality had finally gotten off the bench about bisexuality and many of them correctly went way, way, way back in the day and cited human sexual behavior before the advent of our current and long-standing moral and social contracts and, yes, including the little known but actually kinda famous bonobo monkeys and also including other animals that displayed bisexuality. Not trying to gross anyone out but I do remember seeing a video of one male chimp giving another male chimp a blowjob and yet another one where a male chimp rolled up on another male and gave him the high hard one right in the butt.
And like it was no big deal. It’s just that humans really know how to fuck up something because we’d rather believe what our morality says about it than to believe that, um, bisexuality isn’t just a human thing and many of those experts opined that being just hetero- or homosexual was… unnatural behavior as far as being monosexual was concerned. Eh, I wasn’t sure about that but, at the least, it was plausible, but I felt that the real message was, yeah – bisexuality is real and so are bisexuals.
Then the nitpicking started. I would read stuff with my jaw dropped at how… obtuse people were being and, to me, it was as if people were defining bisexuality in so many jaw-dropping ways to avoid seeing it for what it really is and, yeah. Humans. Guys I personally know and knew saying that just because they suck cock and engage in anal sex with men but preferring sex with women didn’t mean they were bisexual; they were some other word – like heteroflexible – that, once they gave their “definition” of it, sounded just like bisexual. And then gender got included and that one still has me getting that look on my face because I just do not understand what the one thing has to do with the other, but “everyone” has bought into this inclusion and, yeah. Okay. I do kinda get it and it’s all about how someone sees themselves more than about their sexuality and such as they say it is.
And… what the fucking fuck is going on? Even my protege has been… drinking the current Kool-Aid and talking about sex between different genders is okay and shouldn’t be a problem and I keep asking him, “What does gender have to do with this?” and… he can’t answer the question and I’ve asked others the same question and… I’m not going to get into how confusing the answers have been but I could see that, on the question of gender, it’s just how people see themselves and now “everyone” got to rejecting the binary nature of our existence and like it’s really something other than what it’s been since our species appeared on the planet. I don’t know what these folks have been smoking but I don’t want any of it.
Oh, my dear and fluffy lord. It’s not enough to just admit that you like men and women for love, sex, and relationships. Anything other than that is over-gilding the lily and making bisexuality a hell of a lot more confusing that it inherently is given that bisexuality does not conform to the tenets of being hetero- or homosexual and, yup “bisexual” doesn’t mean what it literally means. Then… enter invisibility, erasure, and straight privilege. More head scratching on my part because… all of this is pure and unadulterated bullshit and, get this: Straight folks are being blamed for this school of thought but if you really look at where this bullshit is coming from, um, it’s not straight folks putting it out there. Just saying. Ya don’t have to believe me but I figured it out because I grew up having to deal with homosexuals who did not like me all that much because I’m not really homosexual.
And decades before the LGBTQ+ community came into existence and then it was only LGB when it was born. Someone had commented on an earlier scribble about all this riffing going on and said that in every generation, this is seen to be something new, and I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right – and I was a bit pissed with myself for missing this and I shouldn’t have since, from the very beginning of my emergence as a bisexual, you betcha – this sex with guys things was new and exciting shit! I can accept that I missed this very important thing and, as such, it does explain some shit I get to see almost every day along with seeing how… inherently insane we are about it and paying more attention to every bad aspect of sex and sexuality and, well, it all makes me glad that I became bisexual way before all this stuff started happening.
I don’t worry about this and like so many seem to be doing… because I have more important things to worry about. I still find it amazingly curious seeing how people are responding to something I’ve known about for the longest time. It’s… perception. More subjective than objective. People being freaked out about it, not because it is what it’s always been but because they don’t understand it; really, who in their right mind is both straight and gay? And the continued belief that people are either straight or gay but I can remember a time where it was being said that homosexuals and homosexuality wasn’t real.
Hmm. The continued denial that being something other than straight is some fucked up shit even though the evidence has been right in our faces the whole time. And what that says about how we think and believe some stuff. I’ve learned more about how we behave than ever before and it makes me feel quite sad because we still don’t get it. Heterosexuality isn’t the only way to be – it’s just the way our morality prefers everyone to be and… everyone isn’t. Heterosexuals do ‘turn into” bisexuals and I’ll be damned if there aren’t people who go to bed straight… and wake up bi the next morning and something I once thought was impossible. Sure – today’s a good day to suck a dick or to eat a pussy and then have sex the way I’ve always been doing it… where the fuck did that come from?
I would, one day, find myself agreeing with something homosexuals had been saying for the longest time, that being, they were born this way and, yep, we all were right up until we got schooled with the tenets of morality. Homosexuals were saying that they had no choice in the matter and, well, I learned they were wrong about that because you cannot escape choice; you either choose to act on your thoughts and feelings or you choose not to… and then that choice is subject to change and I know this for a fact because I’ve personally changed the thoughts of a lot of men and quite a few women, too.
Yeah… it really ain’t as bad as everyone believes it to be and who knew that being intimate with both males and females could feel so goddamned good? That would be anyone who’s bisexual because we all found this out. It… fucked up our minds quite a bit and until we got un-fucked because the whole premise was simple: Ya like guys and gals. Not guys or gals. Okay. Watching people trying to get themselves un-fucked has been… interesting and disturbing most of the time. Should the sexuality labels exist? Do they really have any meaning?
Yes and yes and simply because it’s 100% human nature to call something… something. Like, we all know what that white on red octagonal sign is and means: It’s a stop sign and when you see it, you stop. Duh. Bisexual literally means two sexes or both, if you will since, um, there are only two sexes and this doesn’t include the “tricks” genetics can foist upon unsuspecting parents who have children. Oops. Pretty sad that there are a lot of people who don’t believe this and that, say, my being born male has nothing to do with bisexuality and it shouldn’t – it’s all about gender.
Bullshit. And then… enter the Hearts Not Parts gang. We should not be into someone because of their parts and the unspoken implication that if you’re just about the parts, you’re not being bisexual the right way… and what the fuck – again. It assumes and implies that no bisexual ever considers the person they want to be involved with. I know I do and there’s no getting away from having to do this and no matter how I want to be involved with someone. Duh. Heteronormative behavior is being imposed on bisexuality and I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not but one of the things I learned before all this current shit hit the fan is that everyone – straight, bi, or gay – goes about their lives in the same way when it comes to love, sex, relationships, and all of the above or as is needed.
Every last one of us. What’s the difference between myself and a dedicated gay man? I love the shit out of women and he may or may not but, then again, I know gay men who likes women like I do and gay women who don’t mind getting some intimate interactions with a dick. Because they can. It’s not something they’d do all of the time.
Hmm. And… I can’t be the only one who knows this and has seen how… insane we’re behaving or, really, continuing to behave where sex and sexuality is concerned. I keep telling and reminding myself that I could be wrong about what I’m seeing… and the jury keeps saying, “No, you’re not wrong…” because I know what I’m seeing and I’m seeing too much of it for it to be wrong, in that sense. You can’t make this up and even my imagination is incapable of making this up. Yes, those of us who are bisexual should celebrate being bisexual because it’s a celebration of self. I am bisexual. What else do I need to say about it? I’m seriously happy being bisexual because it doesn’t make sense to be unhappy about it.
I know the good and the bad of it… because I’ve experienced a lot of it (except that disease part, knock on lots of wood). In the negative riffing, there is truth to it… but it’s not the whole truth since it’s probably quite impossible that I’m the only bisexual who hasn’t experienced all the bad things I also get to see on a daily basis. And that’s on top of being public enemy number one because I have sex with men but, eh, you just get used to it… and, yes, there is such a thing as a Black, male bisexual.
Over this week of celebrating bisexuality, the one thing that remains clear is that there are a whole lot of bisexuals from every walk of life and all over the world and there isn’t a single moment of any day where someone is finding out that they’re bisexual and someone’s learning by doing. And I’m thinking it’s a good thing and, yes, I’m obviously biased in that direction. This is some real shit and if you didn’t know or believe it before, you might want to wake up and become a part of the reality we are trying to hard to fuck up.
You don’t have to be like me. It just helps a lot of us to not keep being bombarded with the bullshit so many people are flinging at us and over something they don’t want to understand because this ain’t the way it’s supposed to be. Yeah, I’m not in denial of anything… but a lot of other people are and, again, you can help us by not being one of those who are in denial about how we can really behave in our pursuit of love, sex, and relationships and not necessarily in that order.
You betcha – parts are nice. But this is more than just about the parts because the heart also wants what it wants and, well, not in the way it’s supposed to be, either. Just the way it is. Just the way it’s always been and always will be. And if you can accept this, thank you and I mean that. I’m just and still the bi guy who will say a lot of shit about this… because someone has to try to be real about it and say it.