I was sitting in a bar full of gay men one Saturday night and the guy sitting next to me was lamenting that finding and getting a man in bed was getting harder and harder. The guy sitting to my right said, “Honey, you ain’t wrong!”
And I said, “How is that possible when we’re sitting in a bar full of men?”
They both looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
It was one of those head-scratching moments that I’ve bore witness to before. Going back in the day, I was hanging with a guy that I knew was “like me” and he was moaning and groaning about needing some dick and ass and not being able to find anyone to do the deed with. He said that he’d settle for spending some time with a guy even if all they did was suck each other off.
“You haven’t asked me,” I said.
And he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Or, perhaps, it never crossed his mind to ask me, and it wasn’t like he didn’t know that I was like him – loved chasing girls and catching them, had no qualms about getting all hot and sweaty with a guy.
“I didn’t think you’d be interested,” he said.
And now it was my turn to look at him like he’d lost his mind.
“All you had to do was ask,” I said. “I might say yes.”
He asked, I said yes, and we went somewhere and spent that time making each other beg Jesus to save us sucking each other off several times.
“If you know that I’m down with it, why wouldn’t you ask me?” I asked once I was able to speak English and not sound like a caveman.
“I dunno,” he said. “I didn’t think I was your type.”
Okay, I could understand and accept that even though – and at this moment in my life – having a type was something that still wasn’t making a lot of sense to me even though having a type, from where I was sitting, was eroding and reducing the chances to get some dick – and guys were doing it and complaining about not being able to get the dick they wanted.
Girls… made sense with this one. Sitting with this seriously hot babe and she says tha she seriously needs to get laid and right now and… I’m looking at her with that “Hey!” look on my face. She looks at me and says, “Aw, nah – you get me pregnant, we might have an ugly baby!”
Not that I was bad looking but it was like a sign of the times and one us guys just had to deal with. Still, she was, according to her, very horny and let me know that if our baby was ugly, there would be hell to pay. She didn’t get pregnant and… needs were taken care of and dealing with feeling some kind of way knowing that she thought I was better than nothing.
I would learn about… natural selection. Survival of the fittest. How men were, way, way, in our past, selected for the best survival qualities and/or their ability to provide safety and food. I would be able to equate this very necessary process with having sex in the here and now and I’d think that there were probably a lot of girls who weren’t aware of this ancient behavior going on with them but, yeah, them being picky about who got to have their goodies made sense.
It didn’t make sense with the fellas so much. I would see this… disconnect so much that it eventually got me telling guys, “Look, it’s not like we’re gonna be boyfriends and I sure as fuck wouldn’t marry you if my life depended on it. You wanna get your dick sucked and so do I… so what’s the problem?”
His problem with me was… I’m light-skinned. Nowhere near the “high yellow” that was seen to be a deal-breaker with both men and women at the time. I told him that it was his loss but also that if he wanted to keep complaining about how badly he needed some dick, I was leaving.
It sucks for someone to declare you as being better than nothing. Still, we do the deed and now he’s singing a different tune: “Damn, man, we shoulda been doing this all along!”
Well, we could have been if you weren’t being silly about things. My awareness of preferences was growing “exponentially;” everyone was chasing after the good thing and leaving a lot of dissed people in their wake – and people who were very keen to be accommodating. One of the major “selling points” of guys doing guys was that we didn’t put each other through the wringer like girls were doing. Comparatively speaking, throwing it down with a guy was easier than convincing some girl that she wouldn’t be making a mistake or trying to address any of the 15 quadrillion concerns she may have.
At the least, another guy would want to know (1) how big your dick was, (2) if you were cut or uncut, and (3) do you swallow and (4) do you like it in the ass or giving it in the ass (usually optional) and even then, most guys wanted to know this just for informational purposes because the only thing that really mattered was… wanting to do it. When and where could be a problem, though.
You haven’t lived until a guy tells you that he doesn’t want to have sex with you because you’re shorter than he is and then only by an inch or so. Gay guys were, for a time, like sharks in a feeding frenzy hitting on guys who, at the least, looked cute to them but even they got to a point where if a guy was GQ handsome, well, that was a problem for them.
“Some of them act like a dude is gonna knock them up,” I had said to a friend as we were both lamenting about how weird guys were getting about giving up the dick (and before we gave it up to each other). I was telling him about getting dissed by a gay dude – and a gay dude that I wasn’t even paying any attention to – who sashayed over to me, looked me up and down and told me that I wasn’t worth it even though I did have a nice print and… what the fuck was that about?
You haven’t lived until you have a gay dude tell you that you ain’t shit… because you have sex with women… but they’re on the prowl for guys they can have sex with and complaining and wondering where all the men are. Well, you just kicked me to the curb for some reason, but I guess you won’t be getting laid today and especially with an attitude like that.
Preferences. I get it. Instant gratification. I see the sense in it but if you’re not getting laid – at all or not s much as you think you should be – keeping your preferences on lockdown, I think, isn’t going to help a whole lot. I would hear a lot of men and women talking about not settling for less than what they want and… I understand that but I also understand that good sex is where you find it… and there’s no telling where you’ll find it. Back in the teenaged days, you could get dissed by a girl because you didn’t have good hair or you were either “Clark dark” or “darker than midnight” or, because you weren’t getting laid, your face looked like you washed it with a cheese grater because of the acne you had. You could get dissed if you couldn’t sing or you weren’t in a band, didn’t wear name-brand shoes and clothing, and all kinds of “nitpicky” stuff that, at first, didn’t make one damned bit of sense but, again, once I learned about natural selection, okay – I get it now.
You haven’t lived until a girl you know asks you if you can hook her up with a guy she can fuck. Seriously. And, if she gives you some, it’s because you’re better than nothing – and you’d better not make her regret it. Ditto for guys who were beginning to ask me if I knew a dude who’d be willing to suck their dick – and even if they knew I was down with that. Okay, there was that “friends don’t have sex with friends” thing that was spreading like a virus and how bad of a thing that was but I would think that if you couldn’t have sex with a friend, who could you have sex with? Given that a lot of people were very leery of people they didn’t know, wow, I wasn’t sure how this “mindset” really made sense.
Oh, I had a girl explain it to me and it was all about feelings more than anything else. Okay, I understood that and that getting into a relationship because you had sex could be a problem… but we’re talking about just having sex and if anything else comes down the road, we can talk about it and, together, decide if it would be to our benefit to take things to the next step, stay right where we are as a fuck buddy, or just leave it alone and go back to just being good friends.
What made this confusing to me was knowing there were a lot of guys who, when looking for some dick, were looking to their friends first. It wasn’t unusual for a guy to tell me how much he was lusting after one of his male friends or, when talking about how we got turned on to dick, they got turned on with a friend. True enough, some guys weren’t of a mind to violate the “friend rule” even if they were suffering from a major case of blue balls. One such guy was having a bad time with it – and complaining about not being able to find anyone who was willing to help him with this; I told him that I’d be more than happy to take care of that problem for him… and I got turned down because we were friends.
Okay, you can try to sit there and deal with the pain; it cannot be said that I didn’t offer some relief. I was learning that even though male bisexuality was becoming more prevalent, guys were being… weird about it. You haven’t lived until a guy turns you down because he wants to suck dick and you don’t have the foreskin that he prefers. Or your dick wasn’t long or fat enough and now, a lot of things that I’d only heard women and some gay men saying. What does me being “too skinny” have to do with me giving you a blowjob?
Apparently, everything. Guys wanting what they wanted and in the exact way they wanted it… and not getting to have sex with guys and as much – and as badly – they were saying they needed to. As I’m thinking about all of this, I’m remembering Cityman asking me how I managed to get all the dick I’d gotten and me telling him, “I didn’t say no.” Well, yeah, sometimes I did because my instincts told me to say no but if they were saying that the guy asking was okay, well, okay.
I was telling him that some of the best dick I’ve ever gotten was with guys that no one wanted anything to do with. I was telling him that it didn’t make any sense to me to kick a guy to the curb because of how he looks when, um, his looks aren’t going to be the thing that’s got my attention. So what if he’s overweight? So skinny that you might want to take him to McDonald’s first? Does it really matter that you might not be able to “see him in the dark?” So what if we’re not the same race or what-the-fuck-ever else is getting in the way of getting our dicks hard and making them soft again?
Dude, I’m not asking for your hand in marriage and I’m not of a mind to do the boyfriend thing, either. Your horny and so am I; you want your dick sucked and so do I and, unless there’s something about you that I don’t know about, we both have dicks so it’s not like we’re gonna knock each other up. So… wazzup?
Big-time sighing. I understand it. Not sure I really understand why there are so many guys “dying” to get the dick they want and need but not being willing to… adjust some stuff so that they can get it. I have an interesting time talking to my protege about the great diversity that exists in this and he… yeah-I-know’s me but he also talks about having new and different experiences with new and different men… and like so many guys I know of, not doing a damned thing about it and because it takes them out of their preferences.
Even bigger-time sighing.